#who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???

[dkettchen]

[the-mad-owl]

Some of my expierences living as a trans man - because being openly nonbinary here will have you loose all access to resources - with my girlfriend, a nonbinary trans woman. Because people genuinely need to touch grass. This is our lived expierence: it largely does not matter which way around we are trans. People hate us both. Stop dividing the community.

I have been on T for 3 years. I have facial hair. I have not been able to get surgeries and my chest ist large. I can't bind. I try to dress masculine in public for safety, but anything I wear is still seen as feminine due to my figure. I would like to dress feminine, but can't. I am constantly dysphoric.

My girlfriend has facial hair. She tries to dress masculine in public for safety, but people can often tell something queer is going on anyway. Sometimes she dresses in a more feminine way, but oftentimes she can't. She is constantly dysphoric.

People do not care which way around I am queer. They do not care which way around she is. They see someone with facial hair who is too feminine. They see someone who does not fit. We both get the same looks.

My endocrinologist refuses to give trans people who take testosterone information. He additionally tells them they will not be able to get pregnant. (Wrong and dangerous.) He does not warn them of any changes besides body hair growth. If we complain about anything, he will kick us out. My period did not stop and I had horrible pains. He refused to help. He is currently threatening me as I have not had any surgeries yet and he is doubting my trans-ness. He deadnames and misgenders me always.

The same endocrinologist refuses to give people who take estrogen T-blockers. He does not inform them of estrogen correctly. He doubts their trans-ness if they do not have surgeries for too long. He threatens to kick them out when they complain. He deadnames and misgenders them. My girlfriend is scared to go there.

My endocrinologist does not care that I am a trans man and she is a trans woman. We will never be man and woman enough. We are not allowed to be nonbinary. He kicks out nonbinary people straight away. Neither of us have access to appropriate medical help.

When I buy clothes I can't find anything that fits me. My chest and hips do not fit in men's clothes, my shoulders do not fit in women's clothes anymore. People stare at me in the men's section and in the women's section. I hate shopping.

My girlfriend can't find clothes that fit her in the women's section. She is dysphoric about shopping in the men's section. People stare at her. She also hates shopping.

I am trying to find a psychiatrist and a psychiatric clinic. The last psychiatrist I had yelled at me for being trans. The last therapist I had kicked me out for it. My current therapist has contacted someone he knows in a clinic and got the answer "Your client shouldn't come here, we aren't good at dealing with trans people." I am terrified of getting help.

My girlfriend has seen me go through this. She badly needs a therapist to start estrogen. She is terrified of getting help as well.

The people who are supposed to help us do not care which way we are trans. They simply "do not know how to deal with us". They "have no experience". They are transphobic.

When I was at the hospital last weekend, I was constantly misgendered. I was ignored, even though the woman in the same room as me was given treatment. I was treated as if I was in the wrong room, on the wrong station, because it was the woman's station. They put me there. Then they proceeded to punish me for it, as if I was trespassing, when I was having an emergency. A doctor who was supposed to see if my heart was beating correctly accused me of not really being trans with disgust - I have no idea why he should have cared in the first place. I'm scared and unsafe in medical environments. I try my best to avoid them.

My girlfriend is in chronic pain. She can still pass as cis well enough to be treated fine - if she doesn't speak up and let's herself be misgendered, put in the men's section, act correctly and isn't obviously queer. So she does not seek treatment. She's scared and unsafe in medical environments, and does her best to avoid them.

I am currently denied access to both the men's and the women's bathroom. I look too much like the other gender each way. At my last job, the cleaning ladies told my boss about which bathroom I was using in hopes he would yell at me for it. I'm scared to travel out go out for long periods of time because of it.

My girlfriend can still use the men's bathroom if she dresses masculine, but as soon as she doesn't, that's over as well. She has the same problem I do.

The laws in Germany are supposed to be changed. Currently, to change our name and gender, we have to pay up to 2000€ to people who ask us what panties we wear and which porn we watch. If a trans man has long hair, or a trans woman short hair, that might be reason enough to deny us. Then, judges have the final say. The laws are supposed to have been changed years ago. They still haven't been. We both have to go through this.

Lastly, I have been rejected from the gynecologist for being a trans woman. I have endometriosis. I have a uterus. They knew this. They were transphobic, and they do not care to learn about trans people. Why would they?

Our daily lives expierence in discrimination is incredibly similar, if not the same. I can be discriminated for being a trans man, a trans woman, nonbinary, just looking queer. As can my girlfriend. Bigots do not care to learn about us. They just hate us. They see I have breasts and a beard and hate me the same as they hate my girlfriend for wearing a skirt with facial hair shadow visible.

This isn't to say everything is the same. We both have gender and transition specific issues as well. Conversations go differently, outings go differently at times, and we know who the news loves to target most. That conversation has to be had, but this isn't a post about that.

I have seen a ridiculous amount of infighting between transmasc and transfem people recently. (Often completely forgetting those of us who are unaligned and do not fit in that binary by the way.) I am posting this to say: THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR LABELS. They don't give a shit. They'll hate you either way. You're a dirty queer in the eyes of bigots as soon as you are openly gender nonconforming in any way whatsoever. We expierence SO MUCH shared discrimination. Stop this complete idiocy and GO OUTSIDE. Connect with a community. Ideally find the next trans person you have nothing in common with and then talk. What the hell is this "oh they have it better than us" on both sides supposed to achieve exactly?? I could list dozens of examples just like the ones above.

Lastly, one more:

When I expierence transphobia, when I see a scary post on social media, when politicians are trying to kill us and when the doctor I had an appointment with questioned my genitals more than my pain, I go to my girlfriend, I look at the many pride flags we put up in our apartment, I hug her, I kiss her, I feel safe. For just a moment.

And when she sees the news, when she's scared to dress in a certain way, to do her makeup on her own, when she expierences comments about her queerness and struggles to find medical help, she comes to me. And I hope she feels safe as well.

We must help each other.

[booskwan]

Okay this is so so random but I recently came back to the fandom after be bullied out of it (not by carats but by my school mates who found out I was on AfterSchool Club for an episode and treated me like the black plague) and backstory is I am a white passing mixed kid, and my whole life me and my friends who were also mixed would make jokes calling each other ‘whitie’ or ‘cracker’. And when i left the fandom people where still making White Boy vernon jokes. Fast forward, I am getting back into for the first time in years and comment on a tiktok how i will call Vernon “Frat boy” or occasionally “white boy” to my friends to distinguish him from the other members. And the Original poster answered my comment with a video saying “I hate when White Carats-“ and then proceeded to make fun of my name. I obviously got a little upset and just said things like “im not white, im white passing. Its a little bit hypocritical of you defend one mixed person and then in the same breath make fun of another mixed persons name” (the part about that is my name is related to my culture). Any they pretty much said “doesnt matter, my point stands” and i thought that was valid. I did some more reseaech of recent interviews and while I could only find him being upset about racism and colourism in Korea, I know he has stated he feels more korean and I respect that. So i went back to the original post, deleted I comment where I accidentally misgendered OP and apologised, explained how i felt, said that they were right and left it at that. But now I cant help but feel like a horrible person and I am worried about how my stupid one off joke may make people think im racist or a karen and I am lowkey just freaking out cause in my mind it wasnt a big thing and now i just feel like a horrible monster for saying it at all even if it is a joke and even if i did apologise. Anyway, I just need a Fellow Carats advice/thoughts before i spiral even further.

id like to preface this by saying i’m white so i’m not gonna speak on some of this

i think of course, you can call yourself and your friends whatever you want as long as they’re ok with it but when it comes to a celebrity you can never really know what they’re comfortable being called unless they joke about it themselves, so as a blanket principle i wouldn’t call anyone anything they could be potentially uncomfortable with /lh

i don’t think it makes you a horrible monster but i would just be more thoughtful of what you call other people, bc again we never know what people are comfortable with unless they say so themselves

of course he could have said something either way about being comfortable being called these words but i’ve never seen anything so i’d just air on the side of caution

[vegetarian-macan]

Which characters are trans/you headcannon as trans?

Quite a few! There are a lot of characters in canon who are trans, but the game is still very transphobic to them by misgendering them in canon or presenting them in a manner that falls under a common transmisogynistic trope (like Tanetomo, and that conversation is gonna be a long one)

As for specifics:

All of the Togos (please see @bpd-shuichi-togo for more in-depth analysis on this)

All of the Hakkenshi are trans men, which is canon. Tanetomo is the only one so far who uses he/they

Mahakala is they/them in canon

Arc (they/them) nonbinary

Claude (she/her)trans woman

Nezha (they/them) nonbinary

Israfil, now let me be explicitly clear when I say him specifically, I have remade Israfil from the ground up because his design was so incredibly racist I couldn't stand it. Anyway Israfil (ASWTWL) is he/him genderfluid

Alice (any/all) nonbiney (alice was he/him for halloween, she/her normally, and they/them energy) [PS: to that one alice hater that was stewing for months and then proceeded to rant paragraphs about how much of a fucking baby you are, this one goes out to you (derogatory) and @bpd-shuichi-togo says hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii]

Astarte (he/they) transmasc (questioning)

Shinya (he/him) trans man

Astaroth (she/her) trans woman

Maria (she/her) trans woman

Shiro (he/him) trans man

Triton (he/him) trans man

Gorouzaemon (they/them) nonbinary

As for Ibaraki, he is a cis man who was cursed to turn into a woman, but he is not trans. Think of it like cross dressing.

[quillsink]

AIGHT WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE BLORBOS FROM MY MIND!! part 1/???

Okay so if you’ve followed me for a bit you’ve probably heard about my OCs. I have a Lot of them but the main three whom I love with all my heart are James, Alan and Chris!! Putting this under cut because it is Long as hell. Please send me asks about them I love them so fucking much

Okay so James, Alan and Chris are a trio of friends! I created them in January 2021. James is the most developed character and my personal fav (don’t tell alan and chris shhhh) he was the first one to be created! Alan, his best friend, followed and then Chris. 

The trio are a group of low ranked soldiers in the Revolutionary War, all of the trio in their early twenties with Alan being the oldest at 25 and a half and James the youngest at 21/22/23 (haven’t decided his age yet rip). 

All three have very different personalities although they all look like your average dude and they all bond over a bunch of shit especially mental illness and being queer (totally not projecting here. nope not at all)

Anyways enough rambling time to introduce them!!

In this post I’ll be talking about James, I’ll talk about Alan and Chris in other posts!

James Evans

JAMES, MY CHILD MT SWEET BABY BOY I WANT TO CRADLE THIS FULLY GROWN MAN AND KISS HIM ON THE FOREHEAD AND TUCK HIM INTO BED, HE IS MY BOY, MY SWEET CHILD, MY LVIE MY DARLING ANGLE CHILD I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR THIS MAN THAY I MADE UP

Okay now time to actually introduce him to yall!

James is your average mentally ill white boy, you can find millions of them in high school classrooms across America. He was born to a poor family and his parents were okayish but he basically fucked off and did his own thing like jon clark and then proceeded to be traumatised because I can’t let my OCs have nice things!

James is cis, he uses he/him, is the sort of guy who’s like “i do not understand what trans people are in the slightest but if anyone misgenders you i will push them into a river,” and yeah he’s pretty cool!! He’s gay and I basically coped with my internalised homophobia by projecting it onto him so yeah that fucked him up Badly.

I basically like invented him because I needed a gay character for a fic and then realised I accidentally gave him like, character traits, and now here I am over a year later still obsessed with this white guy I made up

Anyways him being gay is pretty central to his character, it reallt contributed to the alienation he faced growing up and this whole sense of being different from everyone else, it also made him more withdrawn but it also made him stronger and helped him learn how to endure the unendurable and being gay led to him making some reallt strong connections with some of his closest friends.

He has depression and anxiety and is some form of neurodivergent, probably adhd but he has no clue what is going on Up There except that he is Different  and it fucked him up as a kid. He was bullied and teased a lot so he became reallt withdrawn and quite. He wasn’t like teacher’s pet gifted kid but he was decently smart and got through til tenth grade, then had to work to support his family.

Now, when he’s like 20ish, ✨ le amrev ✨ starts and this mf signs up to be a soldier because like idk why not. That’s his entire motto brosties hes literally just some guy. He wakes up and he does things and he’s gay and then he goes to sleep. That’s it that’s his life and that’s very sexy of him actually

Anyways he signs up for the army and so does our bestie Alan. Alan and James are very very different but they end up becoming besties and James being the gay idiot (affectionate) that he is ends up falling head over heals for this depressed mf and spends his days being gay for Alan! They’re very close friends and I haven’t decided when they met yet, childhood or teens or army but ah well

Anyways onto James’s personality! He is my sweet baby boy and I love him very much in case I have not made that clear! Anyways he is Anxious. A lot. All the time. And he’s a major people pleaser as well and he often puts others before himself to his detriment at times until alan is like motherfucker take care of yourself

James is also one of the victims of something I like to call the great depresso  and he’s had it since he was like twelve but he’s just like vibing at this point. Like yeah I hate my life and I want to (redacted) sometimes but idk life’s pretty neat. Depression is shitty for him and he can be pessimistic at times 

but at the end of the day he is an optimist and he always finds hope in *everything* to the point where alan is like brostie if you don’t stop being happy then you’ll cute mt depression and the one steady thing in my life will be gone and james is like well what about me and they have an awkward gay moment 

ALAN AND JAMES’ DYNAMIC THO >>>>> i love them sm it’s unreal i will literally just think about them. like just have thoughts about them. like literally.

I’ll talk abt that later after I introduce Alan’s character!

OKAY NOW. AN IMPORTANT PART. JAMES AND LAURENS!!

James and John are like, besties and I love their dynamic so fuxking much. I would kill to see the two of them interact like i fucking love them so much you don’t even understand.

Anyways James and my interpretation of John are very very similar. Both very withdrawn very quiet very repressed desperate for affection sensitive affected really badly by homophobia internal and external dont trust very easily. They bond instantly and there is something there and they don’t really know what it is bevause it’s like they’ve never met anyone else so similar to them before. They’re like brothers.

The two of them have a quiet understanding. They can wander the woods for hours and say barely a few words but they understand, one heart can speak to another if they are designed to fit together. They met and they....clicked. It took time for both of them to learn to trust the other and realise the other wouldn’t betray them and report them for being gay but soon they’re the closest of friends. And then John fucking dies 

Also like the dynamic between James and John is entirely platonic btw they don’t have any romantic feelings for each other, they’re like soulmates but platonic 

Also I cannot understate how much I love James and John silently wandering the woods together. The woods are very very important for James and Alan and to John too and James and John find a shared peace in this. They just wander the woods for hours on end John lying down with his eyes closed head resting on a log James staring up at the canopy watching the sunlight filter through asking John why God invented sunlight John saying because he needed a place to put love.

Wait that was oddly poetic 

Anyways James james james. James my sweet beloved boy. James james james anxious smiles hugging his best friend coming to terms with being gay nervously approaching people he thinks are cool laying in grass fields wooden cabins soft breezes James. James mt angel darling child. I would die for this man. *shakes you by the shoulders* DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM

[remywrites5]

            Regulus sat on the sofa, where he fiddled with his hair nervously, and shifted uncomfortably in the dress his mum had put him in. He hated that he was forced to keep his hair so long. Sirius had been growing his hair out since he was fifteen, ever since Reg finally told him the truth, that Regulus identified as a man. “Look, Reg,” Sirius had said, once his hair was past his shoulders. “Boys can have long hair too. So don’t feel bad that mum won’t let you cut it!”

           They had poured over the many Astronomy books in the library to find Regulus a different name – a boy’s name. After a bit of back and forth between the two brothers, they had eventually agreed on Regulus Black.

           Regulus had had a rough go of it at Hogwarts – being misgendered, people using his dead name, and having to sleep in the girls’ dormitories. The only time he had been happy was on the Slytherin Quidditch team, because everyone wore the same uniforms. But now he was out of Hogwarts and had hoped he could finally live his life the way he wanted. Those small glimpses of hope had been dashed once Sirius ran away from home. Sirius was disinherited and burned off the family tapestry. Regulus was now responsible for producing a Black family heir, since he was not eligible to inherit.

           Since graduating from Hogwarts, Regulus’ life had been a parade of men from pureblood families. Walburga was searching for someone worthy. Regulus had lost count of how many men had come by, looking for an arranged marriage that benefited them. Some of them were just looking for the status that marrying a Black would bring them. Others were interested in the money. Regulus had taken a page out of his brother’s book, and had causes enough trouble that they all ran away.

           Walburga had stopped giving Regulus any insight into who would be coming to the door. Perhaps she had figured out that if Regulus had knowledge of the suitor, he could figure out a way to scare them off. Most of the men coming by were people Reg knew from school, which meant he knew their weak spots. After all, Regulus was a Slytherin at the end of the day, and he would use every advantage he had if it meant he didn’t have to marry.

           The door to the parlor opened and Regulus stood up. He smoothed out the skirt of the black satin dress his mother had forced him to wear and prepared himself for the worst. He was a little caught off guard when James Potter of all people walked in. His mother considered the Potters to be blood traitors, which meant she must have been getting desperate to find someone pureblood still left.

           “James –“ Regulus said, feeling himself blush.

           “Hi Reg,” James responded, giving a little wave.

           Regulus was so shocked to hear one of these stupid suitors call him by his name. It was almost enough to make him cry in relief. “What are you doing here?”

           James shuffled awkwardly on his feet and scratched the back of his neck. “Could we maybe sit down?”

           Regulus crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not like it’s a secret.”

           James made a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat. “I knew this was going to be bloody awkward. Look, I’m probably the last person you want to get saddled with after everything that happened with Sirius, but your mum invited me out, and Sirius wanted me to come see how you are.”

           “Oh,” Reg said, rubbing his arm self-consciously. “Well, I’m fine, you can tell Sirius I’m fine.”

           James took a tentative step forward. “Are you sure, Reg?”

           “I’m sure,” Regulus snapped at him. “You don’t want to be here anyway, so just go,”

           “I didn’t say that,” James countered defensively. “I said you don’t want me here. I know you don’t like me all that much since Sirius came to live with me.”

           “I never disliked you,” Regulus confessed quietly. “I disliked the situation, but I always understood why Sirius had to get out.”

           “So…” James took another step towards Regulus. “You don’t hate me then?”

           Regulus shook his head. “No, I don’t,” he said out loud in case James needed it verbalized to believe it.

           James sighed in relief and smiled at Reg. “I’m glad to hear it. I was a little worried you were going to hex me on sight.”

           Regulus smirked and sat back down on the couch. He crossed his legs primly and then patted the spot next to him. James eagerly hurried over to sit down beside him. Regulus tried not to find it endearing and failed miserably. “Here’s the thing, I don’t want to get married and I certainly don’t want to have a child.”

           “Okay…” James said, his brow furrowing. “Then why are you going along with all of this then?”

           “I don’t exactly have a choice,” Regulus said through gritted teeth, his hands curling into fists by his sides. “The Black family needs an heir and we both know Sirius isn’t an option anymore. As far as pureblood wizards go, you’re about the best I’m going to get. Besides, I want someone who is going to accept me as a man. I know I might not be what you were looking for –“

           “Actually –“ James interrupted, scratching his chin. “Sirius informed me I’m something called Pansexual…so, you know, I’m fine with you being a bloke.”

           Regulus blinked a few times in surprise. He honestly had not been expecting that at all and was completely baffled. He had always thought James Potter was straight, after all, he had spent most of his time at Hogwarts chasing after Lily Evans.

           “So wait, you’re actually considering this?” Regulus asked, shaking his head slightly in disblief. “You’d marry me?”

           James shrugged. “If you’ll have me.”

           “You’re not just doing this as a favor to my brother, right?” Reg asked, eyeing James suspiciously. After knowing James for so long, it was difficult not to imagine he had some kind of ulterior motive for all of this.

           James grinned. “I love Sirius like a brother, but even I’m not that altruistic that I would marry a bloke just to make him happy.”

           Regulus was satisfied with that answer. He couldn’t believe that he was actually considering marry James Potter. “You must have something you want out of all of this,” he said, chewing his bottom lip. “This is a lot to give up.”

           “I don’t see it that way,” James said, slowly reaching over and taking Reg’s hand in his, giving Reg enough time to pull away if he wanted. “I mean, you’re very pretty. Handsome? No, blokes can be pretty. You’re pretty. Beautiful, actually. I – fuck – you know you’re gorgeous. I don’t have to tell you that.”

           Regulus felt himself blushing horridly. He couldn’t believe one compliment like that – and a fumbled attempt at one no less – was enough to get him flustered. “So you just want to marry someone pretty then?”

           James laughed but it was a bit strained. “I think you’re more than just a pretty face, Reg.”  

           Regulus turned his face away to hide his deeper blush. What was wrong with him today? “Shut up, James.”

           “What do you say, Reg?” James asked, giving Regulus’ hand a squeeze. “Do you want to marry me?”

           Regulus turned and eyed James up and down for any sign that he was being disingenuous. Instead all he saw was the stupidly earnest look on James’ face as he waited for a response.

           “Yes.”

                                                                       ***

           Regulus felt like he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since he’d agreed to James’ proposal. After they got married, Regulus and James had gotten a flat together in London, and being away from his parents meant Regulus could finally breathe. He donated all his dresses and skirts to charity, so that he never had to see them again. James didn’t say a word when Regulus cut his hair, picking a fashionable undercut, the front still falling into his grey eyes.

           Regulus still felt like they were on the precipice of something, though. James never asked for anything, and that simple fact put Regulus on edge. He wasn’t used to someone not having any expectations for him. For the most part, James just let Regulus be, and since they weren’t sleeping in the same bed, they were almost more like flatmates than a married couple. It made Regulus uneasy, since he still didn’t know what James was getting out of their arrangement.

           It started with Regulus stealing James’ shirts and hoodies. James was fairly muscular from his obsession with Quidditch, so when Regulus wore James’ clothes, he was kind of swimming in them. They were so cozy that Regulus couldn’t help wanting to wear them. Being wrapped up in James’ clothes kind of made Regulus yearn for the man himself.

           James was relaxing on the couch, studying for the Auror exam he was taking later that month. He glanced up when Reg entered the room and his hazel eyes immediately went soft behind his glasses. He took in the sight of Regulus wearing his Gryffindor t-shirt and smiled. Regulus chewed his bottom lip for a moment and then walked over to the couch. James watched him for a minute and then scooted over in an invitation. Regulus dropped into James’ arms and they tangled themselves in each other.

           “James?”

           “Yeah, Reg?”

           “Am I enough for you?”

           James frowned for a moment and Regulus immediately buried his face away against James’ neck. He was nervous that he had upset his husband. “Why would you ask me that?”

           “Because you’ve given me a home, and you’ve let me be myself,” Regulus said, his voice muffled against James’ skin. “I don’t know what I do for you.”

           James chuckled, rubbing his hand over Reg’s back. “Do you want to do something for me?”

           “Well I am your husband,” Regulus groused, wrapping his arms around James and hugging him tightly.

           James slid his hand down, brushing his finger along Reg’s jawline, before tilting his chin up. James ducked his head and kissed Regulus tenderly on the lips. Regulus gasped slightly, but the kiss was already done before he got the sound out. “There,” James said, shifting around so that he could comfortably hold his book, his other arm still around Reg. “That’s all I wanted.”

           Regulus’ jaw was still dropped. “That can’t possibly be enough for you,” he reasoned.

           James put his book down in order to focus his attention on Reg. “Fine, I’ll do it again then,” he said with a soft sigh. He captured Reg’s lips and proceeded to kiss him breathless. Regulus clung to James, letting his mouth be invaded by James’ talented tongue, whimpering slightly against his husband’s’ lips.

           “James –“ Regulus said, breaking the kiss. “I want you to be honest with me. A few kisses? That’s really all you want?”

           James grinned and ran his fingers through Reg’s hair. “You want me to be honest, huh?”

           “Yes.”

           “I want you to wear my clothes all the time, because it does things to me to see you in them, and I’m a bad, possessive husband, who wants to see my husband in my t-shirts. I also want to kiss you pretty much all the time. Finally, I want you to fall in love with me, but that one I’m willing to wait on.”

           Regulus hid his face away again because the things James said were simply too overwhelming. “So that’s all I have to do?” Regulus asked in astonishment.

           “That’s all,” James confirmed, pressing a kiss to the top of Regulus’ head.

           Regulus huffed indignantly. It all sounded so simple, but that couldn’t be all James wanted. Regulus knew that his mother had constantly been bombarding James with owls since their wedding night six months ago. A barrage of letters and howlers had come asking when they were going to get pregnant and produce and heir. Walburga probably would have had conniptions if she knew James and Regulus weren’t even sleeping in the same bed. But after their little cuddle session on the couch, Reg was thinking he might have to reevaluate his stance on that. Being held by James was actually very nice. “May I tell you what I want?”

           Regulus felt James nod, since Reg still had his face buried away. “Of course,” James said softly. “Anything you want, Reg.”

           Regulus pulled back, so that he could see James’ face, and took a deep breath. “I want you to fall in love with me too.”

           “Too late.”

           Regulus sputtered for a moment. “Y-you’re not –“

           “I’m not?” James challenged, raising an eyebrow. His eyes got that same softness to them as he smiled before leaning in to kiss Regulus again. “I’m pretty sure I am.”

           “Only pretty sure?” Regulus murmured against James’ lips, managing to tease him, even as his heart was fluttering away in his chest.

           James chuckled, pressing their foreheads together, so Reg had no choice but to stare into those hazel eyes he’d become enamored by.

           “I’m sure.”

[mellowheartthecat]

Absorbed Chapter 1

Before we get started I just want to say I hate dialog.

Also decided to make art for each chapter.

Chapter 1

A couple hours had passed since Cap'n had started hearing a voice. Since then, all three of the robots now heard a voice in their head, and got along with them to varying degrees.

Cap'n's voice was putting him through mental anguish since apparently she (Cap'n mentioned that she had a butch-feminine voice (and she definitely would have rudely corrected him if he misgendered her)) had no volume control, and was also quite talkative. He was sprawled out on the couch in the back trying to drown out the voice by blasting music through his headphones.

Sweet's voice seemed to be quite helpful, explaining that the voices are actually the voices of the souls they absorbed. That knowledge, when told to the other two, seemed to put the other two at ease. 

K_K's voice seemed to be the most knowledgeable. He (K_K had already happily shared that his name is Sky) explained how a human soul works, including the fact that they can read the thoughts of another being when absorbed into that being, and the difference between humans and monsters.

Sweet also noticed that one of K_K's eyes had turned light blue. When he asked about it the tall one explained that he's not pushing away the soul and the eye is the result of the soul having half of the control. 

‘Seems like they’re getting along pretty well, huh.’ Sweet mentioned in his head. The red soul chuckled.

‘Yeah, almost the exact opposite of Cap’n.’

‘Pretty much. Cap has it real rough right now, kinda feel bad for him’ Sweet replies.

‘You don’t need to point out the obvious you know.’

‘Hey take it easy on me. This is my head, I usually do that in here.’

Sweet’s train of thought was interrupted by K_K speaking up. “Do your guys’ souls mention anything about this being different than being in a monster’s body?”

Sweet walked over to Cap’n to pull off a headphone, and then proceeded to repeat the question that K_K just asked. His tail twitched as he waited for his soul to respond.

“At least she’s not speaking as loud, I can hear myself think now. She agrees that it’s way different.”

‘What about you?’ Sweet asked his soul.

‘Me? I never got absorbed by a monster before.’ Sweet proceeded to tell that to the other two robots.

Cap’n’s tail twitched. “Well since my human ain’t bein’ so obnoxious anymore, K_K, I’ve been meanin’ to ask. What does having a human soul inside of you do anyway?” The tall one waited for his soul to respond before answering.

“Well you get a new appearance, of course, and you get a really big boost to the power of your magic!” Cap’n smirked.

“Nice. I won’t be so weak anymore.”

“We should probably all test out our new magic capabilities tomorrow,” Sweet announced. The other two agreed.

“Speaking of tomorrow,” K_K mentioned. “It’s getting pretty late.” Sweet nodded

“You’re right, K_K. Let’s head to bed.”

As they were heading to bed Sweet asked his soul one last thing.

‘Hey, I just realized, I never got your name.’

‘My name? My name is Frisk.’

--

‘Man this shit is boring.’

The orange soul had been awake for roughly 5 minutes after getting a good short nap. It was the middle of the night, and she knew that getting up would possibly wake the other two. Still, she felt it was nice having some control after being repressed for most of the day. She rolled over, feeling super bored, and stared at the other robot in the bed. She wondered why they had such a square head-

‘Waitafuckingminute. Where’s the big guy?’

She jolted up. Surely the robots wouldn’t be awake at this hour, right? Then again, she knew absolutely nothing about the other two. She quietly got up and headed out of the bedroom. She searched around the entire house for him, in the process accidently waking up Cap’n, who was a bit pissed.

‘Why the hell are you moving around so much?!’

‘How the hell did you wake up so easily?’

‘I’m a light sleeper! First you make me miserable, now you ruin my sleep!? Get back in there with the others!’

She decided to just drop the ball. ‘Dude, the big guy isn’t in there. He isn’t anywhere in this place.’

He took control of his body and started heading to the bedroom. ‘Yeah right sure he isn’t. You’re just trying to make my life more miserable with-’ He froze when he saw that she was right. K_K wasn’t there. His anger almost immediately ceased. He frantically looked around the room, thinking things like ‘This isn’t right’, ‘He didn’t sleepwalk outside, right?’, and ‘That damned soul!’. He was getting increasingly more panicked as he shook Sweet awake. Sweet blinked, still half asleep. His pupil was yellow and the darker lines perpendicular to it glowed a soft red.

“Cap’... whaddya want…” Cap’n was still shaking the other robot.

“Sweet! Sweet wake up! K_K is missing!”

Authors note:

Next chapter will definitely be longer. See ya next week I guess

[dredshirtroberts]

I’m gonna ramble because i took a shower and feel less like i’m dissociating. I mean I still am but it is less.

Things have been. Not Good. recently.

So, with the whole coming out to my family thing there have been...hiccups. It was anticipated and frankly I think I’m lucky it’s going as well as it is, in that they’re not angry with me.

Doesn’t make it hurt less when they ignore my gender but you know, it’s tricky since i’m not like...good at appearing male in the way they would recognize. We’ll...deconstruct wordchoices in a minute.

It’s fine, I realized things were going to be tricky, it’s still incredibly new to all of us, and frankly, again, it could be worse.

A family friend passed away last weekend. He was very old, had some very bad health problems and he had only been given a few months to live at best back in March. They did a vow renewal the other week, he and his wife, and he died peacefully in his sleep from only complications due to his illness and not from other contributing factors. 

He and his wife were pretty much a second set of parents for me and my sister while we were growing up, and my parents were the same for their girls. We were all roughly the same age-ish, and we went to the same church, mom worked for them for a while, the wife helped me go through the classes I needed to in order to get confirmed in the Episcopal church at 14ish or whenever it was. We had standing days during the year we’d all get together and hang out, sometimes up at their property on The Mountain.

They’re also very much like my parents and extremely right-wing and with all the accompanying baggage that goes along with that.

still sucks. Like...it hurts a lot that he’s gone because he was one of those figures in my life I just kinda assumed would always be there. 

The visitation was last night - the funeral was tonight. I only went to the visitation and had no plans on going to the funeral which I am glad I decided to do because I...am not good to be around people.

After the visitation, we celebrated my sister’s birthday because why must the world stop? Also it totally sucks that this is all happening the weekend of her birthday and like, she should get to celebrate a little.

That i had to have my birthday over the internet when the whole pandemic was less of a big deal hurts only a little. I didn’t get fancy food, or fun drinks, or socialization with my family longer than a couple hours - the week my radio got stolen out of my fucking car from the parking lot of the apartment building.

I did do some fun things don’t get me wrong but it’s like...they said when the quarantine time was over we’d do something for my birthday properly and sure quarantine shouldn’t be over and frankly nothing should be open but they haven’t cared *since* my birthday. So that sucks.

I had to deal with getting misgendered all night. It’s not technically deadnaming me if I haven’t told them to call me another name and frankly I don’t think that’ll go over well anyway so I’m just...putting it off really.

we get back to mom and dad’s and my aunt and her husband come over and I’ve also come out to them, and the first thing my aunt does when she sees my hair is give me a backhanded compliment about how it’s a “bold look”.

She didn’t say anything nicer than that about it.

She didn’t say anything else about it at all.

Fine, whatever, okay, it’s hair, I like it, other people have said it looks good but like... “Bold look”...I know she doesn’t like it. I know most of my family doesn’t like it because I should be a beautiful pretty little girl for them, with long hair and makeup and trying to be a proper grownup woman and if I look too much like a boy I’ll never find a husband who will turn me back around from my weird late-in-the-game tomboy phase or whatever the fuck they think.

My sister then proceeded to tell me that she and my parents don’t agree with my gender. Not that they don’t support me! They support me so much! But their opinion is different from mine on it, but also that shouldn’t hurt me even though holy fuck it absolutely does. I tried to clarify - I thought i understood what she was trying to say, and when I clarified she was like “no, that’s not what I mean I mean that we love *you* and who *you* are but we have a different opinion on this stuff” and I’m like...

So you don’t think I should exist? And you don’t get why that hurts?

Her response was “That’s not fair” not “you’re wrong” but “That’s not fair” which means I got it right on the head of the nail and she’s mad that I’m upset about it.

I eventually decided this wasn’t something I wanted to do, told her I get it, she’s allowed to have her “opinions” about whether or not my gender identity is fucking real, changed the subject and proceeded to just get...really drunk.

Thankfully any emotions I might have felt about it were perceived as being about the death of our friend but like...

I knew this weekend wasn’t about me and my shit and that was fine, it’s fine. I can be an incredibly self-centered person sometimes and I’m trying very hard not to take shit personally but it was like...hit after hit after hit and i’d been feeling really good about myself and how i was able to present and it was like...none of it mattered. The more I put into trying to look more like a guy the more my family ignored it and more forcefully misgendered me to the point where I don’t actually know how much was them just not caring about it/paying attention and how much was deliberate.

So...it sucked. sucked a lot.

Woke up this morning with a bad hangover, drove home, napped for four hours, ate some food, and proceeded to dissociate for the next ... i guess seven? hours? idk.

And like...nothing I work on in my free time means anything. I was trying to share some of my hobby accomplishments but it’s like...sometimes they get brushed off in such a way that I feel like I’m supposed to have grown out of it all and they’re just waiting for me to be an adult now and stop having fun.

so...this weekend sucked. a lot. it still sucks. i have some very good friends in my life right now and they’ve been very helpful at keeping the bad things at bay for the past week or so but like...i don’t talk about this shit. I’ve told 2 people this was going on this weekend and I didn’t bring it up more outside of that. I haven’t gone into detail about how it went. But I need to process it and it’s easier when it’s not sitting in my head.

I’m still dissociating. It’s gotten worse as I’ve written this which is a fun thing to realize is happening as you’re writing. I won’t remember I’ve written this in all likelihood since that’s how this tends to go. 

I’m going back to reading for a bit. I might try sleeping at some point. But the fic I’m reading just got to the happy ending part and so I might as well try to force some seratonin in that way. All else fails, I’ll scroll through my tried-and-true favorites and see if that makes it better.

or I’ll just. idk...

I cried yesterday for the first time in a few weeks - like properly with tears n shit and i couldn’t even let myself have it because I had to be, like, not crying or a mess because there were people around and it wasn’t...i would be bringing things down and making shit about me when it’s not about me and it just fucking hurts inside you guys. I just hurt and I didn’t realize it would keep hurting like that.

fuck it i might cry now, idk yet. might help. should probably get some water before it happens. don’t wanna be caught dehydrated and needing water after a crying jag. doesn’t help much.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

undefined

here’s this clip of taylor telling their terrible father that he’s terrible, posted basically for the purpose of appreciating asia kate dillon’s acting. also, i tacked on this preface where taylor’s talking with wendy and realizes for sure that in the several times they’ve been meeting up, wendy’s just been working against taylor, included for the same reason, and because the dramatic music cutting out when taylor says “nope. fuck.” and the intense panning / rotating shot of taylor watching wendy leave is very cool

this might lend further context to these scenes with winston in the following episode, where it’s all:

winston: “you’ve also never seen them cut off their own father’s head before. ...oh shit, sorry.”

taylor: “no. you’re right. i wasn’t born with a broadsword in my hand, but i was forced to learn how to wield one, so i did.”

and where axe goes on tv and implies that taylor just chose to betray their father for profit. which, even if that Was the case, nice

and for even more context: back in the day taylor’s father was fired from his engineering job for infractions which he says he committed because if he’d gone through the proper bureaucratic processes, he wouldn’t’ve been able to work on his project the way it Should be worked on. originally taylor called their dad in to Do Some Math with them basically, and axe went to some surveillance-y lengths to steal that math, then realized there was a mistake in the math which he interpreted as a signal from taylor, and then taylor and axe meet up and taylor offers axe an agreement to End The Hostilities in a mutually beneficial way and of course that didn’t go anywhere because axe is a child. 

anyways and then, on account of running their own hedge fund now, taylor is able to provide their terrible dad with a sweet setup and funding to continue his engineering stuff, but their dad is terrible, and perfectly willing to accept the support and sign on to the arrangement, but whenever taylor brings up that there are business considerations which mean that things might not go 100% his way and he’ll need to work with them on this, douglas (the terrible dad) gets all Tragic Wounded Dignity and guilts them over not caring enough about their own father, and/or tries to walk out of the discussion only for someone to have to go after him, and/or gets mad at the fact that taylor gets to be in charge because it’s really important to him that he gets to be considered the smartest person around and thus the Best Decision Maker, and/or talking about how taylor ought to feel bad for working in finance despite the fact he’s perfectly happy to have taylor’s hedge fund being all that makes his project even possible, and/or other terrible things. as soon as he arrived in the hedge fund btw it took half an episode to get him to stop misgendering taylor and that was just a sign of things to come. he is also like probably the oldest person at tmc and yet still is Like That. all the ways i just described him relate directly to this clip.

and then yeah so axe is trying to ruin things for taylor, and for whatever reason wendy has accepted an offer of amicability from taylor and agreed to meet with them just to talk about life and stuff, except wendy plans to help axe ruin things for taylor, actually. and thanks to a discussion about a sculptural monument and wendy proceeding to revisit old obviously-confidential patient files of hers on taylor (which is why her medical license was eventually under review b/c uhhh you can’t do that), wendy goes to axe like “if we ruined their relationship with their father they’d probably be really sad,” and then whether because they think that this sadness will destabilize tmc, or because it’s just pettiness, axe manages to get taylor’s dads aerospace engineering project flagged as a security threat to create a situation in which taylor will have to take out their dad’s project themself, and sure enough taylor sees their only option as selling the project off to the govt. also important to note is that just earlier in this episode there was a conflict that caused the firefighters fund, a big and important investor, to walk away from tmc, which taylor accepted because to compromise further would involve messing with their dad’s project. and here we see taylor’s dad finding out that taylor “caved” re: his project, immediately going into top Nonsense Shenanigans mode in which he tries to guilt taylor, ignores the fact that they need to consider tmc (which allowed them to fund his project in the first place) too, accuses them of not caring about his Dreams (of, like, really good aerospace design fin, idk), ignores the fact that taylor has been working to support his project even to the detriment of their own company, generally insults them and in the same breath says it’s horrible that they worked with axe cap and that they worked against axe cap, acts like he’s Better than all this high finance stuff even though he was fine with signing aboard, goes with the “you people [referring to taylor specifically btw, he’s great]...all you care about is fucking money,” like he’s only just now finding out this is a hedge fund, ugh

sorry i can go on and on about how terrible taylor’s dad is

also featuring mafee being all like “aw jeez” about the fact that yeah, wendy orchestrated a fake-casual-run-in with him at a bar and struck up a conversation and mafee let slip that tmc was going with a startup investor (which axe and co then used to deduce that specific investor and interfere) and then wendy wasn’t even polite enough to listen to mafee get out like, one sentence about his own life before pretending she needed to bail. harsh, but it was also so “cmon, mafee, for gods sake” that i was really not so sure that mafee in turn wasn’t in on it already and giving her false info or something. but no, he really did just mess up that bad. but taylor kindly reassures him on this, as you can see.

again, sorry for all this text, i just really have that much contempt for douglas mason. really the Moment is when he’s trying to dramatically storm out for like the fourth time and goes “what’s possibly going to keep me here now?” because he’s a self-serving hypocrite and the loyalty as family he keeps demanding from taylor should only go one-way in his mind and it doesn’t occur to him that he might want to work with taylor for any reason besides that it might serve the purpose of letting him do his own thing exactly the way he wants to do it. and then you can see taylor make the decision to tell him off because that’s the final nail in the coffin of the concept that he could be worth keeping around, truly

and another Moment and another Asia’s Acting moment is douglas asking “don’t you need me?” and taylor responding “yes. and i always have. but the version of you i really need, the one who’s a father first - he doesn’t exist”

and a definite Killer Delivery moment goes to: “so maybe i’ll actually win.”

anyways the whole thing Did make taylor sad but let’s be real: axe capital accidentally did tmc a favor by forcing douglas mason out of the picture.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 149: Villain Island

Previously on BnHA: Twice confronted Nighteye with a clone of Rappa. Nighteye proceeded to beat his ass using rubber seal stamps, incidentally revealing his surprisingly cut washboard abs. Night then blasted away part of Twice’s mask, forcing Twice to retreat in a panic. His personality disorder started to get the better of him, but then Toga showed up and tied a bandana around the missing part of his mask, and it calmed him down and was also the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Twice briefly flashbacked to the League of Villains meeting when Tomura announced that Togawice would be lent out to the Eight Precepts. Twice was against this because it turns out he feels responsible for introducing Overhaul to the League and getting Magne killed (and Compress maimed, but no one cares about him). Toga wasn’t keen on it either, but Tomura somehow won them both over by smiling and making it seem like he had a plan in the works. Whether he actually does is anyone’s guess, but damned if it wasn’t convincing. Anyway, so now Toga and Twice are fed up with the Precepts’ general incompetence, though, and are ready to turn on them. And I’ve never been so excited for a plot twist in my whole damn life.

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Overhaul meets Togawice for the first time and asks them about their quirks. The Precepts then ask if Tomura plans on betraying them, and Twice and Toga are all, “[shifty eyed glance] nope, nothing to see here. no impending betrayals on our end, no sirree.” This apparently is good enough for Overhaul, who asks them to sit tight and wait for further orders. Back in the present, Irinaka makes one last-ditch effort to crush the remaining heroes in his accursed hallway. However, Toga gets him to reveal his true body, and Deku and Aizawa immediately attack. With Aizawa having finally neutralized his quirk, Irinaka is detained. We then cut to Mirio, with time rewinding back to show what happened immediately after he went forward on his own and caught up with Overhaul.

But the real star of this chapter is the omake at the end. Kurogiri takes it upon himself to improve solidarity among the League by taking them all on a mandatory outing to an uninhabited island to engage in a survival trial. Tomura spends the entire time lounging on a couch, Dabi unleashes his inner Bear Grylls, Toga steals a bikini, and tbh I kind of wish we could get an entire manga series of just this. But we’ll just have to settle for these four pages, I guess.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 178, now. If I’d known yesterday’s Superbowl would end up somehow being more boring than this entire arc, I would have never bothered taking the day off. But, well, hindsight.)  

no, I don’t mind at all

by the way what exactly is going on here with Twice and these handcuff-looking things that I’m not actually sure are handcuffs. because that cord looks more like an earjack cord. but why is it coming from the bracelet like that. I basically have so many questions about this image, and am now also more closely examining exactly why Twice chose a skintight bodysuit as his villain costume

(ETA: I have no excuse. he’s fought with them before and everything; I just never noticed.)

more villain flashbacks!!

but this time it’s T&T introducing themselves to the Eights

“I’m never gonna forgive you, so it’s a pleasure to be working with you” ahaha. classic Twice. this is the kind of iconic bullshit that I’m reading this manga for

Overhaul’s apologizing for killing Magne and says he didn’t want to

but if you really felt that way you could have easily put her back together again, you sociopath

oh my god look at this though??!

holy shit. so she really is another canon trans character, and it’s treated seriously too. I mean, obviously it’s not perfect, and it also sucks that she got killed off, but I’m so used to LGBT manga characters being treated as comedic relief at best, so this frank statement of “hey you misgendered my friend, get it right” and it being totally serious is actually really refreshing

also what is Viz going to do when they get to this chapter. most likely change it up entirely I’ll bet. fucking Viz

anyway, so Twice is all “so now what” and Overhaul says he and Toga just have to follow his orders

he’s also asking for the details of their quirks

but Toga is all “we’ll tell you if and when it’s needed because fuck you”, and have I mentioned I love her???

but holy shit though

bud. are you like, okay. jesus christ

so Twice has decided he hates this and he’s not going to say anything

so naturally the very next thing he does is explain his quirk in great detail!!

holy shit this is an unexpected info dump

once again Horikoshi is all “I see your questions and I will answer them in due time.” so it was a tape measure!! has he had these this whole time?

just went back and checked. yes he has. unbelievable

still waiting on an explanation for that skintight bodysuit though

some of this goes against what we previously knew about his quirk, though. this is the first time a two-thing limit has been brought up, and that seems to go against the whole Calvin and Hobbes “I made a bunch of clones of myself” thing that we know he did way back when (and which he’s also referencing here, as I assume it’s the reason he no longer makes copies of himself). maybe the limit only applies to things/people that aren’t him?

this reminds me a lot of Momo’s quirk in that he needs to know a lot about the object before duplicating it. which means he’s definitely a lot more intelligent than he sometimes comes off as

I mentioned a couple chapters ago that Toga is extremely intelligent as well, and now I’m wondering if Tomura realizes just how lucky he is to have all these smart crazy people on his side. we’ve seen the quality of Overhaul’s own followers, by contrast, and the League most definitely has them beat

anyway! so Toga’s staring at Twice in annoyance for going off like that right after she made a big deal of not telling Overhaul anything

she says he made her look stupid

OMG YESSSS so now she’s going into the details of her own quirk after all omggggg

look at the damn hoops Horikoshi’s making himself jump through all because he made the decision not to do any villain bios. well it’s your own damn fault

I’m starting to understand why Deku keeps all these notebooks

the bit about the transformation time being proportionate to the amount of blood she consumes is extremely interesting and relevant, and now it makes sense why she had that weird gizmo to suck as much blood as possible

I would estimate she got maybe a cup of Ochako’s blood, so we can assume she can transform into her for up to 1 day if needed. but as for Deku, we saw in chapter 114 that she only managed to get like a couple drops worth

one drop is about .05 ml, which is about .0002 cups. so she can transform into Deku for .04% of one day unless I fucked that math up (which is highly possible)

what is that, like a couple seconds?? because if so, holy shit but I’ve been vastly overestimating her ability to wreak mindbendy havoc on our heroes

also does she have to drink the blood right before the transformation for best results? if she drinks someone’s blood but then doesn’t transform into that person right away, does she eventually lose the ability even if she doesn’t transform into them? or can she store that “energy” and use it whenever she likes?

basically this is awesome to be getting so much information here, but now if anything I’ve just got more questions

(ETA: for real. either I really did calculate that wrong, or she got more of Deku’s blood than I thought, or Horikoshi is the one that fucked up the math lol. oh well, it’s easy enough to just shrug and go along with it)

anyway! I almost forgot there was still a chapter going on

so now Overhaul’s henchman is casually asking if Tomura is planning to betray them. well duh

very convincing. well done

anyway, Overhaul seems satisfied for the time being, but he’s telling them they’ll have to stay in the underground HQ until they receive their orders from him. so basically house arrest

and now he’s leaving and Mimic is having a total power trip

seriously dude, simmer down

he’s babbling on about the yakuza getting revenge and “taking back society’s reins from the shadows” and fulfilling the dream of their bedridden boss

and now I think we’re back in the present

and this lil fellow is, as you’ll recall, the guy who’s currently controlling all the shifty walls of the underground HQ while all hopped up on quirk-enhancers

Toga and Twice are having a conversation mid-somersault about how they’re gonna let the heroes take out the Precepts for them. I think

meanwhile Aizawa is asking Deku if he also heard the crazy voice coming from the walls which is, as Deku surmises, Irinaka’s voice

ohhhh I see, if they can pinpoint where the voice is coming from then they can find Irinaka’s real body and like punch him until he quits being an asshole and dragging out the arc with his stupid quirk

do you know, I just realized that basically this entire thing is his fault, and just like that he’s my least favorite character. that’s right. you beat out Stain and even Mineta, because Mineta only ever hijacks like a page or two at a time at most. certainly not a dozen chapters in one go

but anyway, the voice is echoing too much for them to pinpoint it

meanwhile the cops are freaking out because they’re about to get crushed

I can’t figure out why Mimic didn’t just actually crush them all to begin with and be done with it. unless it’s just that he didn’t want the full force of the law bearing down on their organization and seeking justice for dozens of cop murders

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS TOGA IS TAKING MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS

NEVER SEND A BUNCH OF SO-CALLED HEROES TO DO A VILLAIN’S JOB

HOLY SHIT WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW. IRINAKA IS SCREAMING INCOMPREHENSIBLY AND DEKU SEEMS TO HAVE HEARD IT AND IS NOW RUSHING TOWARD THE SOURCE OF THE NOISE

AHHHHH DID HE DO IT???

I CAN’T TELL IF HE GOT HIM. SURELY THAT SMASH WASN’T JUST FOR SHOW

OH MY GODDDDD

YESSSSSSSSSSSS

AND T&T ARE WAVING AT HIM GLEEFULLY AS HE FALLS

I LOVE EVERYTHING HOLY SHIT

the amount of relief I’m feeling right now can accurately be described as “overwhelming” and it’s amazing

because he’s SUCH A GOOD FUCKING PERSON, Deku is catching Irinaka as he falls, because this is BnHA where a fall from a great height onto a bunch of rocks actually will kill you

and please tell me the rooms are back to normal now omg

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

THANK YOU MANGA GODS

HOLY SHIT!!!!!

MIRIOOOOOOOOOO

holy shit. holy fucking shit, finally. finally

FLYING SOLO AGAINST THE FINAL BOSS HOLY SHIT

so is this the part where we find out Mirio is fucking dead omg. holy shit. but you know what, I don’t even care, because we’re finally up to the good stuff and no more bullshit. I feel another binge coming on

  BONUS:

 oho, what’s this? “special jump outing”?

I don’t know where to fucking start omg

first of all, I’ve actually been impressed with their solidarity thus far so this is news to me

second, I can’t with how their idea of team bonding is “let’s build a house from scratch together on an uninhabited island”

third KUROGIRI WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

cutie

I swear to god if they keep up these antics I’m downgrading their name from “League of Villains” to “Villain Squad Jr.”

Tomura is trying to remind us all that he’s For Reals Evil but idk

on the one hand, we actually have seen this guy kill a man with his bare hands. but on the other hand, it was revenge for Magne, and he hasn’t killed anyone else that I can think of, aside from probably his parents by accident

and also my favorite of all the villains is the only one who is for sure a psychotic serial killer, so it could just be that I don’t actually care

so Kuro is telling Tomura to be less strange, and announcing that the first order of business is to secure a water source

are you telling me you came to this random island to build a house and you don’t even know where you’re building it yet

and now there appears to have been some kind of cut, and Tomura is drinking ginger ale. fucking ginger ale. you’re not evil at all, are you

I can’t believe I was actually worried about what these guys might do to Bakugou if they kept him. their idea of torture is probably less fingernail-pulling and more “let’s make him watch a bunch of Kay Jewelers commercials until he cracks.” which to be fair would break me pretty quickly

(ETA: although Tomura did get pretty hardcore there with Overhaul at the end! but I mean, Overhaul was a total prick you guys. that doesn’t count)

and now he’s tied Kurogiri to a tree and is just making him warp over whatever they need

everyone please look at this panel of Dabi wearing overalls

“unexpectedly into it”

this is the most damning evidence yet that he’s definitely related to Shouto

you go Dabi. I feel like he’s learned all about how to survive on a tropical island by like watching Moana a bunch of times or something

consider the coconut, consider its tree, we use each part of the coconut, that’s all we neeeeed

meanwhile Tomura is reading a magazine on a couch on the beach

Toga is wading in the ocean and her overalls got wet so she’s changing into a bikini

did we ever confirm she was really responsible for those serial murders. it could have been someone else. you never know

anyway she stole the bikini and Kurogiri is acting all shocked like “omg this girl really stole a bikini” but like. what else is she gonna do. pay for it like a normal person

don’t tell me you guys were actually legitimately leasing that bar this whole time. Kurogiri probably actually had his liquor license

so Toga is legit frolicking, and Tomura is playing a PSP or something. with the hand still on his face. how can you even see the screen

and now Dabi has caught them all lazing about and he’s throwing a fit

he’s even doing teamwork

now he’s lecturing Dabi on what’s really important

I think they probably would have turned off the Kay Jewelers commercials after like five of them or so and been all “okay I hope you learned your lesson.” and then if he still didn’t want to join them they would have been all “fine then but it’s your loss” and given him a ginger ale and sent him back home

so now Kurogiri is rescinding all rules and letting them all do their thing

Villain Squad Jr. it’s fucking official

and that’s the end of the strip. but the bonus material is still continuing because FA has been doing these translations of the character book! and the next page is amazing oh my god

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, IN THE FUTURE WHEN I INEVITABLY START TO WRITE FANFIC ABOUT THIS STUPID ADDICTIVE SERIES THIS IS A FUCKING REFERENCE GOLDMINE

right away I feel like a good 75% of fanfics are slightly off because U.A. has compulsory Saturday classes. say goodbye to your weekend getaway antics

they don’t actually have much homeroom time with Aizawa in the morning. what subject does he actually teach? I need someone to tell me, I refuse to believe Horikoshi hasn’t established this in canon by now. it’s probably somewhere in this very book

(ETA: I STILL NEED TO KNOW THIS. I’M STILL GOING TO INSIST IT’S ART IF HORIKOSHI DOESN’T CORRECT ME)

anyway, that’s it for today, but that was awesome. on I go to chapter 150

[siriussly-serious]

Welp...

Today, someone called me a nigger. We’ll get to that part, but first let me set up the whole scenario. Mobile users who don’t have the option to click ‘read more’ sorry in advance.

So....

Last night,I said that I was gonna get shit done today. I was gonna take Mars to nursery and while she’s there I planned to clean the cave that is my flat. Day started well, but then I realized that I forgot my phone, and then I forgot that I needed to buy things for Mars’ lunchbox, so I had to stop on the way. So, I’ve only left myself 10 minutes to be on time. So we’re walking, an absolute cum stain of a man walks by me, makes a long ‘s’ sound, and then just throws the word out there. Not very loud, but there are people around, so I’m sure the giant cluster of white people we were in proximity with heard. So, the way he says it, it’s supposed to sound like he’s saying snigger, I can assure you, he’s not. Then his friend says it again.

Now, a few things happened in the space of about 3 seconds. I’m walking fast because we’re late for nursery so first I wonder if I misheard him. I didn’t. Then I wonder if he was just casually using the word snigger in a sentence. He was not. Then I wonder if he has tourettes and it’s just something he can’t help. It is not. I’ve known people with tourettes. It’s not that. Then I look down at my three year old child, in her buggy, excitedly pointing out things and shouting ‘halloween’ and I’m wondering if she heard. Then I’m wondering if anyone else heard. Then I’m fucking furious. I spent the next 7 minutes walking to nursery in silence.

A few things I’d like to point out. I didn’t look at him prior. I didn’t knock into him, or touch him in anyway. I didn’t even notice he was there until he opened his mouth. It’s also worth mentioning that on an every day basis, I get misgendered, it’s a RARE day when someone uses the right pronouns, so from his point of view, I’m a 4″11 woman, with a toddler (a talking toddler who clearly will understand the things she hears), minding her own business and he thinks it’s a good time to say that word.

Anyway I get there....and it’s half term. I have a dentist appointment and I’m wondering if Mars is going to be quiet for the entire time we’re there because like I said I’ve forgotten my phone, there’s no play area or anything so I have no way to distract her while I’m in the chair.

It’s at this point that I started crying.

For a few reasons. First, I was so fucking angry that some man who was worth less that the shit on the street had made me so angry, then I was upset that my child was living in a word where people still think it’s a funny word to use. I was frustrated because I already felt like a bad parent for forgetting to have shit for Mars’ lunchbox ready and not checking term times.

A few things happen when something like that happens. You immediately look at people differently. It’s not uncommon for me to catch someone’s eye just in passing so I’ll offer then a subtle smile in a way of saying ‘good morning’, sometimes they don’t smile back and I think ‘rude person’, today I’d think ‘are they not smiling because I’m black’. If Marley knocks into someone and they don’t smile, I might think ‘that person doesn’t like children’, today I’d think ‘is it because she’s perceived as a black child’. (She’s actually duel heritage, her doner is white.) So, while I’d have loved to just vanish and be home where I’m happy and safe, I have to walk to the dentist (seeing no poc people, people think I’m joking when I say there aren’t many poc where I live), then I go to my dentist where the entire staff team that I see are white, and walk back home through town and be swarmed by the people I can’t help feeling are looking at me. I’m sure they won’t, but paranoia sky rockets, yanno.

Marley was a fucking dream at the Dentist. She sat down, at her lunch, went outside with the assistant when they had to xray my mouth, and she was just a fucking angel. The assistant was lovely with her, and made me not hate everyone so much. The dentist didn’t make me feel like shit for needing a filling, and then I started walking home.

While I was walking home, I started thinking about a cluster of things. First being how I always laugh at people who are surprised when I tell them that racism is still a thing. They’re even more stunned when I tell them that it happens to me all the time. Then I started thinking about the recent times people have been racist, including walking to the bus stop at night, and some guy (who thought I wouldn’t stop and confront him) says “You’re fit for a black bird.” Needless to say, I stopped, and made him feel like the tiniest little piece of shit in front of his friends. That didn’t stop him from shouting ‘nigger’ and when I pulled him up on it again, he said “It’s song! Don’t be sensitive. Racism isn’t just about the colour of your skin. It’s about disabilities as well.” I don’t even have time to start talking about how fucking stupid that is. Then when me and a cluster of people this piss puddle kept insulting went to get a cab, he followed us all the way shouting ‘nigger’ and ‘fag’ at me and this gay guy we’d befriended.

Then I started thinking about the first time someone used that word against me. I was maybe...6/7 years old, in the park with my other black friend. We were stood by the slide and a little boy kept kicking me for no reason. I told him to stop, he didn’t. He did it another few times, and so I grabbed his leg and gave it a tug. He fell on his butt, but he wasn’t hurt. Then I got on the swings and his mother looked at me and loud enough for me to hear from however high up I was says “That’s one thing I can’t stand. Niggers.” It’s at this point, I’d like to point out that this woman....was also black. I immediately got off the swing, grabbed my friend and went home to tell my mum. My mum was in the middle of doing her hair, so she had a fucking plastic bag on her head, but she grabbed her keys and left the house to find this woman, then proceeded to cuss her out in the street. This woman, tried to explain why she’d used that word, and my mum was having none of it. That’s when I knew that my mum was a fucking superhero.

I remember hanging out with my friends and being invited someone then one of them saying “Is your grandad gonna be alright with Jay because they’re black?”

I remember watching Roots in high school and white people looking at me and the rest of the black people in our class nervously.

It sucks that I have to be prepared for at some point my little sunshine bum, who sees the good in everyone, is gonna come home one day and say that someone was mean to her because of her beautiful perfect radiant skin colour.

So, in case you’re wondering if racism is still a thing...yes.

In case you’re still on the fence on why Black Panther was such a big deal...shut up.

In case you think that ‘nigger’ is a funny word, or using it in such a way that you might be able to defend it by saying ‘it’s a song’ or ‘I was saying something that sounds like it’ when you blatantly weren’t, you deserve nothing. Absolutely nothing.

People like that don’t deserve happiness. They don’t deserve luck. They don’t deserve friends. They deserve sadness, loneliness and segregation from the rest of the planet because mother earth doesn’t deserve to be polluted by that brand of human.

So yeah...that’s it... Sorry about the lack of punctuation, probably grammar and let’s throw spelling in there too.

Maybe it’s cause I’m black...yanno...

[iamthestrangerinmoscow]

transition update

number ‘who’s even counting tbh???’

So yesterday was my endocrinology visit and damn it felt like that day lasted a whole week. It is a feeling I get a lot lately, like time has slowed down, and I don’t know if it has anything to do with dissociating, but anyway. Basically I got all of my papers, including the final one from the sexologist/psychiatrist on Monday, and I was ready to go get the prescription.

I can try to translate my T letter and the medical conclusion from the psychiatrist but basically it says that I am transgender (F64.0 in ICD-10), that I have persistent gender dysphoria and no conditions that might prevent me from going on T. It also talks about my anxiety disorders and depression and autism but they are listed as things that should not prevent me from starting T either so anyway.

I had to leave my favorite lecture early to get to the clinic in time and I was kinda pissed about it but didn’t complain. Then we had some problems with money, cause we are still broke and my dad had to ask my grandparents to send us some. And I feel icky about it cause they still don’t know why I’m going to all these doctors and they did pay for some of it. Basically at this point I have already spent a thousand dollars on this. Great.

And then it was even worse cause the line got delayed and I spent an hour and fifteen minutes sitting in the corridor waiting for my [birthname] to be called out. It was a nightmare. I chewed my lips so much they started bleeding and my palms were the sweatiest they’ve ever been. When she (the endocrinologist) finally invited me in I felt like I was going to pass out.

So I waited for more than an hour but the actual meeting took like 15 minutes. She went through all of my papers, asked me about my medical history and stuff, measured my blood pressure and typed A Lot of stuff into the computer. The only issue she deemed worthy of discussion was my anemia and basically T should help with that, even if I won’t take iron supplements (but stick to my iron-rich diet). Also T might (just might, no way a guarantee) improve some of my other symptoms like low blood pressure and fatigue. 

Then we talked about the form and she said that yes, starting on gel is better than starting on injections, cause it’s a smoother change, and that if in three months I will want to switch to injections, we can do that. She said the only difference that her patients tend to report between gel and shots is that periods might take longer to stop but I’m skinny as heck and apparently that means I will probably see no difference. She said she is pretty confident my period will stop within three months.

She then proceeded to list all the changes I can expect in three months and I started laughing cause I knew all of it already. A thing I really liked is that she said I have really small breasts and they will likely get even smaller on T and I should wait for that cause I’m a definite candidate for keyhole top surgery. Also it is pretty rare for someone my age but there is a tiny chance I might grow or go up a size in shoes. I won’t get my hopes high for that but damn... would be nice.

And that was it! She gave me three months worth of prescriptions and told me to get another blood test done and come back in three months. But the time I walked out of the room I was literally shaking. Fuck knows if it’s because of excitement or because I haven’t eaten for like four hours at that point but it was weird. Like... really weird. I kept staring at the prescription and rubbing my fingers together (which is a thing I do to deal with dissociation) and I couldn’t believe it was real.

On our way back I almost started crying in a tram cause I was so freaking emotional and it still didn’t feel real. And there was so much stuff going through my mind and it’s still happening. Like I have a biochem quiz in a couple hours and I can’t be bothered to even look through my notes, I am too engulfed in this.

My dad kinda ruined my mood when we were walking home from the tram cause he told me to not talk about it around mum and I freaked out like god damnit, will she ever get over this? And he again made it about himself like how difficult it is for him to have a trans child and how ‘I got what I wanted’ so I can’t complain now and fuck... it upset me a lot. Like he still can’t understand that this is not my whim or something, and that I have fears too, and him constantly asking me ‘what if you’re wrong? what if you change your mind?‘ doesn’t exactly help.

Of course I have fears! I am afraid of being wrong or changing my mind, that’s why I went through seven months of waiting and three different doctors confirming my “diagnosis”. I am afraid of people rejecting me and my grandparents disowning me and never talking to me again, that’s why I still haven’t come out to them. I am worried about all legal procedures and whether I will have problems with my legal stay, that’s why I researched the hell out of this. This is on my mind 24/7! It really is. I am constantly running these scenarios in my mind and worrying and thinking about it. This is not a hasty, quick decision.

But yeah basically my parents are still claiming to be allies and accepting while not doing *anything* to support me. Still misgendering, still deadnaming, still making me even more worried and questioning whether I’m really sure, etc. And like, am I ever sure about things? I’m not sure this world is real sometimes. That’s how anxiety disorders work. I just wish they stopped fueling the anxiety disorder!

Well basically now I need to pick up the prescription (which might be a challenge cause so far I can’t find a single pharmacy in my city that sells it lmao) and get my parents to pay for it (it’s around 50$ so uh yeah) and then I’m going to be on T! I am... beyond excited about it, despite the anxiety, like I had a dream today about being on T and I woke up so happy. I will have to come out to my mates in uni now... super worried about it. Eh. And to my grandparents. Even bigger Eh. But. But! Things are getting better. They are.

So I’m gonna quit complaining and try to stay happy.

[faltering-not-fading]

Didn't want to go into it on the other post but fucksake, when I say I'm tired I mean like the bit where they didn't actually send the signed name & gender marker change form? I called in, opened with that before giving not my name but the case number, and the clerk looked it up and proceeded to call me ma'am and my deadname the entire rest of the call on top of only sending one of the four official copies I paid for. While looking at what is now my actual legal name on the forms and in the case information.

I went to the fucking vet for an emergency visit and for some reason you have to have your ID on file? Didn't know that! Never had to at any previous vets! Filled out everything with my new legal name, explained I had recently had my name legally changed without saying why, every single staff member immediately switched to my deadname and ma'am.

Tried to open an etsy account, bank info and SSN info don't match. Still trying to get that fixed so I can move my shop over.

Add in my neighbors who are "ok with it" but still d a i l y misgendering and one of them likes to try to drag me into convos re: the sports "problem" and the bathroom "problem" on... the side... that is anti trans. Like. I don't know why anyone would see that as ok or a good idea. But he's also "not got a problem with it"

Probably going to delete this soon, don't usually post about the kind of stuff that makes me want to seriously take a dirt nap anyway, but fuck.

[batwritings]

Please I just-- Have been having a difficult time- My mom came over earlier and then proceeded to throw out my binder and yell at me because I cut my hair so short- I won't bore you with details and such but really it just made me think of Bad helping with gender dyphoria ;w; Like- He would call you his beautiful boy or girl if you're mtf, How handsome/beautiful you are, he'd reassure you that whatever you wanted to be he'd always accept you. He'd pull you close, pat your head and whisper sweet nothings to you until you feel relaxed. He'd make sure you'd have everything you'd ever need or want, making sure you were always comfortable with anything and everything. He'd tell people off who dared insult you, telling you "Don't worry about them angel, they're just a muffinhead anyways, now let's go get some smoothies, okay?" I feel like for a nickname he'd like that's both gender neutral and very adorable would be his angel (get it-? He's a devil, so you're the angel to his demon? 🥺) He'd always listen to your problems and comfort you, telling you that he'll always be here for you, pressing small kisses on your forehead and rocking you back and forth slowly.

And of course you can't forget that when you're feeling upset, whether it'd be about gender identification or not, he'd always hear you out and give you so many cuddles <3 🌧

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa BadBoyHalo? More like SweetBoyHalo!!! He would be honestly the best when it came to reassurances and affirming your gender!! And god help whoever should say anything bad or misgendering about you. They're uh...not gonna be around for a while. But that's okay! You've got Bad and all his friends who also support and love you very much! (Not as much as he loves you, his sweet angel, but it counts)

Side note, I'm really sorry that happened friend. :( If you ever need someone to talk to about this you know how to get in touch yeah? And myself and the rest of the server would be happy to lift your spirits!! (And also, yes you're absolutely still an anon, a lovely one at that!)