#why am i taking a break you ask?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

oh hey! i was reading a fic the other day where Wangji was once misspelled as Wangu. which leads me to: MDZS Pingu-style??? noot noot!

Do you think love can bloom on the sea ice?

[deoidesign]

Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.

Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!

Hi there!

Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!

It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!

I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha

I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then

I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...

The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.

It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.

Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.

I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.

I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.

[carlottastudios]

Every day I get closer to making an unhinged behemoth of a post listing all of the things about Kaeya and his possible connections to mythology & stuff that I notice but NOBODY ELSE SEEMS TO BRING UP IN THEIR THEORIES

(edit: OMG I reached the tag limit I'm so sorry)

[shibaraki]

STATUS UPDATES:

➯ FICSFORGAZA [!]

I am currently dealing with a family emergency and my ma has been rushed into hospital so I’ll be offline until things calms down, and progress on wips will slow considerably. I’m really sorry guys

➯ GOING INTO 2024

2023 has been rough for me in all manner of ways but I will say it has been very fruitful with regards to my writing. I managed surpass my goal of 100k words, reaching an unfathomable 150k at present, and I’ve even managed to hit a big milestone when it comes to my following! I’m extremely grateful to all my readers, both those that have stuck with me and those who are new, and I wish I had adequate words to really express that. but going into 2024 I will likely be writing less frequently than I did this year. this is due to my own health, and a multitude of other problems that I can no longer keep on the back burner.

plenty of you have seen mentions of hospital visits and procedures on my blog, and while I’m not very comfortable oversharing about medical stuff I do want to be transparent about the fact that I will be posting fics less because of it. I’ve been in and out of semi hiatus for the better part of 4 months but I was always awful at sticking to it. next year I want to actually give myself grace, and take care of my body.

please do not fear!!! this resolution actually aligns perfectly with my writing goals for 2024. I want to focus on lengthening my word counts. I’d love to post fewer fics, but to have said fics be 25 to 50k respectively, rather than to post a lot of 1 to 15k fics. mostly I want to work on my own impatience when it comes to writing, and berate myself less for what I think I should be doing writing-wise. I will still be around on here, and I always want to talk with you guys (and read whenever the mood strikes!!), the biggest difference is I’ll have longer projects, and you’ll have to wait for them (though if I’m honest I will likely still post a shorter fic here and there lol).

I appreciate the patience a lot of you have already shown me this year, what with my random breaks and gaps between posting. you have all been so so kind and generous with your praise and I wouldn’t be here, writing and sharing, without that support. I love you all and wish you well going into the new year!!!!!

[ratwars]

Hiiiiiii <33333 so! I know we know next to nothing about fyodor and Nikolai’s relationship BUT I had an epiphany and since we know that fyodor is inspired by Ivan Karamazov and specifically the scene with his devil, how do you feel about Nikolai=Ivan Karamazov’s devil and whatever this implies???

Tomà idk if you love me or want to torment me by sending me this.

I haven't reread The Brothers Karamazov still (I read it when I was a teenager so my memory is not great) so I don't know that I'm a great person to ask about this at all. I'm also not great at analysis posts and I am doing this all on my phone. But I like you, so I want to try at least, so I reread the part with Ivan's conversation with the devil in his delirium. You're welcome.

Is this a good fit for Nikolai's role? I'm not so sure that it is.

Because what I get from that part is that Ivan is having a conversation with an apparition born from his delirious state, and that the "devil" exists within himself.

Not to say that he has no hope or is literally the devil, it makes sense with some of the other things the devil explains and the nature of the conversation that makes it seem like Ivan is angry for being in his mind. (It seems more like anger for him appearing and being in his room but if we are going off it being a hallucination influenced by Ivan's subconscious the room is his mind then that is where the devil actually is)

Wait a damn minute where else have we heard this reference to rooms...

"I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken. The incarnation of death, the master of the ability-consuming fog… Eat, howl, and make violence as your instinct desires. This is neither a loss of control nor a singularity." Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Dead Apple

**I'm going to come back to this after i finish explaining why I don't think Nikolai is fit to be representative of the devil to Fyodor's Ivan but you can probably already guess *who* i think is**

Anyways back on track sorry I'm not great at this sort of thing at all. So Ivan's conversation with the devil to me comes across as an internal struggle between good and evil. The devil's statements (and he really does most of the talking) are around the nature of the devil and the idea of the necessity of evil (the devil goes as far as to say nothing would happen without evil, like if there was nothing to go against there would be no events and nothing to life). He also explains the devil exists in everyone's daily lives in mundane ways, but also that the devil (and God) can exist inside of people too.

“All the rest around me, all those worlds, God, even Satan himself – for me all that is unproven, whether it exists in itself, or is only my emanation, a consistent development of my, I, which exists pre-temporally and uniquely” 

There is also a part where the devil explains that without him, there would be nothing but hosanna (/joy) and that life of nothing but joy isn't a life really at all, basically saying that it would be a life with nothing happening and no suffering but a life without suffering and only joy could be it's own hell.

This is doesn't really align with Nikolai's beliefs right? He sees awareness of what he views as the cage he (and people that just aren't aware) is in as the cause of his issues. That people are unaware that they aren't truly free, but he is aware and has to rid himself of what he views as chaining him (settling on his feelings for Fyodor in the end).

Now you could argue that maybe Nikolai would agree with the devil here in the sense that a life of blissful unawareness is similar to a life of nothing but joy, with nothing happening, and that is a hell in and of itself. But I think they are talking about two different things, because I don't think Nikolai thinks people who aren't aware of their cage lack suffering, or lack the existence of evil in their day to day lives. They don't have that life of nothing but joy that the devil is talking about so I don't think they mesh well enough to say it works as a representation of Nikolai.

Also, Nikolai doesn't appear to be trying to convince Fyodor of ideas, his battle is with himself, so that also doesn't fit the role of the devil in this chapter I don't think not for Fyodor.

Basically, none of this to me is screaming Nikolai. But if you had ideas as to why you think it does I'm definitely down to hear them.

If Fyodor is inspired by this scene in tbk it think this means that Fyodor is Ivan and Fyodor's ability (or also Fyodor himself at the same time) is the devil. Because the devil in the form Ivan witnesses is part of Ivan in the first place, it comes from his mind, and from what I rememeber he is lonely in comparison to the other characters in that book, so who does he wrestle with these issues with around his guilt and concerns? Himself, and he figures out his path from there. Ivan even says it himself to the devil at one point, "You are myself.”

The words the devil speaks and the concepts he argues aren't created from nothing, but related to the role of Satan and evil, this is just him essentially arguing outloud with himself about these things. It also why he probably is really not into accepting a lot of the ideas about faith the devil also explains to him, because it is like he is presenting them to himself via hallucination.

Anyways I am absolutely rambling, so back to the dead apple quote.

"I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken."

If the devil is born of Ivan's psyche and loneliness is that not similar to a sort of friend? The devil appears in his feverish delerium, maybe exactly when he needs him to, to have this conversation about evil, God, and challenging Ivan's reliance on logic. Maybe you could argue the border between the "devil" or "evil" in him and the rest of him disappeared for that moment, and "the devil" awoke in his room with him, letting them talk as if he was a separate being.

Maybe that's Fyodor, and the writers for dead apple (since they got that speech from Asagiri about Fyodor's character) took inspiration from that?

To me, Nikolai doesn't have anything to do with it. And that also makes sense I think, because from what we do see with their relationship and Nikolai's own words, he didn't know him very well. It didn't sound like they were very close or had deep conversations prior with what Nikolai said after his death.

Plus when you take into account the breakdown that might be lies or might have truth where he says he was weak and his ability took over because of that, and that his ability is evil, the constant references to him being a demon, and the weird differences between Fyodor's separated ability in dead apple compared to everyone else's.

I think there is more of an argument to be made that Fyodor's ability is more akin to the devil in The Brothers Karamazov in that chapter, or Fyodor himself is both. That he's based off Ivan in that scene and the devil is part of Ivan's psyche because of his condition, so Fyodor is both because that part is also a part of him as well. But since abilities are tied so closely to their users, it makes sense either way to me.

[ichorblossoms]

yarrow's fun bc he's a doctor bc he wants to help people but then you peel that back a little and the reason he wants to help people is bc he would want others to do the same for him, then you peel that back and realize it's in parts a manifestation of his inability to ask for help in outright as well as feeling like he has to be "worthy" of receiving "good things" (re: outsources his self worth on how much he can help others). so he doesn't ask for the things he wants/wants to see in the world, and instead gives and gives hoping that people will see what he's doing and be inspired to do the same, but he's doesn't communicate this to anyone so he's left perpetually feeling like he's giving more than he receives and that doesn't become an arrogant sort of "i'm better than anyone else" but instead warps into a "i must not be doing enough" that starts the cycle over again. and he's at least semi-aware of this and how it's probably slowly destroying him as well, but doesn't know any other way to be so he just. continues.

guy who asks via actions and not words except nobody knows that so he's constantly left wanting for more. i don't have a conclusion for this i just wanted to talk about them

[russilton]

Confession: sometimes I scroll back through George’a old twitter posts (he doesn’t have a lot it isn’t hard) to check he actually made the tweets I remember when I feel particularly insane about people on tumblr misinterpreting him

[wellthatschaotic]

neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"

[trans-leek-cookie]

Thinking about geto because I want to pour milk on him and throw him against the wall. Imo his beliefs are inconsistent and self serving (which makes sense because he developed said beliefs at age 16/17 while his mental health was at an all time low). Because while he seems to have the primary motive of "only sorcerers = no curses" taking into account how he treats Maki, who has no cursed energy, it shows that the "no curses" thing isnt the main focus- bc while he decided on tbe "forced evolution" thing, theoretically he should not be Opposed to ppl w heavenly restriction bc. They still fuckin. Don't contribute to curses from what I can tell. Also heavenly restriction is pretty obviously something that is punished by uh. Is it just the Zenin's who have it. Anyway they hated Maki and they Hated Toji so he clearly isn't standing for "oppressed sorcerers" bc if so Maki should be like. The kind of person he wants to help more, as someone who would be oppressed by ppl who aren't sorcerers as well as the powerful clans.

Anyway. While getting rid of curses is for sure part of his motivation, as well as helping sorcerers (see Nanako and Mimiko) id honestly argue that his main problem that lead to him spiraling was. How do I put this. Being knocked off a pedestal

Because he was one of 3 people given the ranking of "Special Grade", and he and satoru are grouped as "the strongest". And consider that satoru comes from a powerful clan and literally has some weird omniscience and invincibility shit going on so that's a whole fucking. That's gotta be a wild ego boost, especially for someone who comes from a family of ppl who aren't sorcerers. Like you spend all this time being a fuckin weirdo and then someone finds you and it turns out you're actually incredibly special and strong, given the same rank as a fucking God Child? You're gonna have some wild self perceptions after that

Anyway then you get to watch your invincible friend get stabbed, watch the girl you became friends with and feel shitty about kinda ruining the life of get shot, and get your whole shit rocked by some guy who can't even use the magic power bullshit you have. (Though he's got a whole physical thing going on because of the trade off)

Also writing all of this out actually makes me understand the Cult Leader progression more, like besides the fact they killed ur friend and you want em dead. You're probably struggling with your ego (especially since your weird God like friend got a whole power boost from the situation) so you create a fucking eugenicist cult where you can consistently prove your superiority to yourself (surrounding yourself with people who will agree with everything you say).

Anyway in a similar vein I wholely believe in "a loving father is not inherently a good father" Suguru + Nanako & Mimiko dynamic

Final thought is roughly I feel like looking at Suguru thru the lense of "this character had a level of privilege that they felt they truly deserved, and after experiencing events that are genuinely traumatic and horrific for any person, they develop reactionary beliefs to try and regain a sense of superiority and control" rather than "oppressed minority who killed oppressors and wants to do eugenics"

[tony-andonuts]

God I wish I didnt get ostrasised by all but like 4 of my peers because holyfucking shit am I overworked and need a hug

[kingchad]

What’s your honest thoughts on Doug? Since he’s pretty hated.

Doug is my babygirl I legitimately am so depressed that the fandom turned on him.

Genuinely what I saw happen with my own eyes is that when D3 came out, people who hated Chad and Audrey very vocally for many years decided that they didn’t hate Chad and Audrey anymore (since Audrey became a #misunderstoodgirlboss and Chad basically got relegated to Harmless Comedy Relief Goon), so they turned their ire onto Doug for being like, a mediocre boyfriend character.

Also a lot of people hate him because they hate Devie because Evie is often read as a lesbian in fandom. I 100% support and get why lesbian Evie is so popular, I definitely think the text supports that reading of her, but I don’t know why Doug has to get dragged into the crossfire here. Can’t they just break up amicably?

But I like Doug!!!! I like him a lot. Firstly because I think he’s a hugely important character if you look at Descendants from the “oh, this is a series designed to teach little kids and especially little girls about empathy and self-worth” perspective (which is ultimately what the series is for). He’s the Chad foil, and he teaches kids that your partner should like you for your personality, and support and encourage you when you try new things. All Doug does in all 3 movies is be a supportive boyfriend and hype Evie up.

In terms of the way I engage with Descendants text and fanon, I think Doug is a really funny character and I enjoy writing him a lot. I like the background of him and Chad being former friends who had a falling out as Chad became more of an asshole, who maybe reconnect as the series progresses. I also love Doug’s dynamic with Evie (whether or not they’re together) and Carlos (under-utilized combination!).

I love Doug being hugely involved in student government and school clubs and ESPECIALLY being over the top #1 school band hypeman. I love Doug genuinely having no concerns about VKs being evil (because a lot of the fear is perpetuated by royal families who are nervous about potential power struggles but Doug is smarter than that and thus unbothered). I love Doug being like, a completely, totally normal guy in this over the top fantasy world. He’s near and dear to my heart.

[beastsovrevelation]

I recently found out people ship Cassandra with Apollo.

My initial reaction was...

Just tan their hides. You know what happened to her because the the bastard, don't you?..

Then, I was overwhelmed by morbid curiosity, and checked AO3. People are writing rape fics about them. ...Why?..

Could I ever see Cassandra x Apollo?.. I don't know, maybe. But, definitely not the nonsense I mentioned. Dubcon at most. I guess, he might somehow coerce her into sleeping with him, and later rescue her from the fall of Troy, because she's pregnant with his child, or something (Zeus would be pissed, I'm fine with that).

Sounds like an intriguing story, with a lot of morally questionable elements. I can imagine Apollo confiding in Artemis, wondering why his wife is so upset. She'd just go "are you serious rn?.. -_-".

...What, you're surprised I'm among those I wish to hide with a broom? Don't be. It happens quite often, actually.

[bangcakes]

.

[thebigqueer]

i saw her friend today and in a way i think it really ehlped cuz she was the one who was being so kind and like 'how are you doing i know this must be hard but i still want to be friends' and it really touched me cuz iw as stressed cuz i was paranoid they were talking shit about me or smth. she also told me she was also shocked when she found out that she broke up w me so i guess it feels good knowing im not the only person kept in the dark i guess but its like if its something she couldnt even tell her friends about then what made her do it. cuz when i asekd her friend 'did she ever seem concnerd about the relationship or anything' her friend was like 'no.... not.... not really?' which idk if i fully believe but i dont think she was totally lying cuz she did seem to at least consider it. so if she wawsnt lying then i still dont understand what compelled her to dump me

[orcelito]

Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Today I said to my doctor "yeah I've had like a dangerous mental health crisis any time I've been in long-term employment, and also my physical health seems to suffer quite a bit due to all the Conditions I Have, and both of these things make each other worse," and she really did turn around and say "hmm, we have a long way to go to make you healthy so you can work".

🙃