#why are people awake at almost 2 am i know the house is full of insomniacs but why are THEY also awake??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

delusionally-loveless-by-choice · 3 months

Text

Lost in a cornfield..? Pt. 4

Scarecrow!Phillip Graves x Lost!Reader

Summary: You wake up from a dream.. no.. a nightmare. Unsure of what exactly is going on. What was it all a hallucination? Or is there something deeply wrong in this place?

warnings: gaslighting, horror aspects and descriptions (attempted at least)

w/c -> 2k

Want to read more? -> Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5

Author's note: very excited to finally post part 4 , hope yall like and im very sorry for the wait, I was stressing with life and all loll

Hazily you blink open your eyes.

Your eyes squint and roam around the room.

You don’t recognize it.

It’s dim and dark, but you can see the outlines of light shining outside from the covered up windows.

The room almost looks like a sweet old grandmother's room. The bed has a floral bed cover, and the pillow covers have cute ruffles on them. Next to the beds sits a nightstand, an old lamp sits there.

It’s ceramic. The nightstand is wood. The bed was soft and cloth.

Not skin.

Why would it be skin..? You think to yourself but can’t seem to recall why, a shiver runs over you and you are unable to recall why that thought was there.

It smells dusty and old. Almost like the house was uninhabited, but there was a cup of warm tea on the bedside, meaning there was someone here other than you.

You try to remember how you got in the bed.

It takes some straining in your head and memories, but eventually it comes to you and you remember.

Remembering the room.

Remember him.

Your heartbeat increases and your ears rush with blood, the thumping of your blood and heart deafening.

Taking slow breaths, you revaluate.

If that really happened.. Where is he..?, you think to yourself while slowly getting up.

Barely making it out of the bed, you hear a noise.

Snapping your head in the direction of the noise, you now stare at a dark corner of the room.

Yellow glowing eyes look right at you.

At first you think that maybe they’re floating, but then as you continue to stare and your eyes focus, a figure starts to form.

“You’re finally awake, doll.” That southern voice rings.

Your heart plunges into your stomach. A pit of fear forms.

You shake your head and try to take steps back, but your legs are shaking and planted to where you stand.

“No..” You whispered.

He stands up and his form that is bathed in shadow stalks closer.

“What’s wrong, darlin’? What’s got’cha all teary?” He asks, his voice to you seems mocking but you don’t see a condescending face. Instead he seems genuinely concerned and confused as to why you are so fearful.

“Why are you doing this.. Just let me go..” the words leave your lips in a whisper, loud enough for him to hear.

He tilts his head curiously at you.

“What am I doing? Doll, I think your pretty little head of yours isn’t remembering quite well. You passed out, hon.” His voice is smooth and the look on his face is full of concern. His brows pinches and his lips slightly pursed as he looks you over. “You’re just a little confused, but let me help ya remember.”

“I brought you here to the house ‘cus we were losing light. It would’ve been hard to get you out of here without light.” He explained. “And when I brought you into the house you passed out. I thought it best you rested, so I brought you up here.”

You sniffled, confusion written all over your face.

“But.. I don’t remember that.. That’s not what happened!” You stammered.

“Tsk, tsk. See?? Ya can’t even remember it!” He said with widened eyes, “Look, doll, you’ll be out of here soon enough, you just passed out is all. These fields mess with ya head since it’s so vulnerable, so human.”

You felt a little crazy, shaking your head you told him, “No.. I know what I saw, I remember. You.. you showed me that room! Your.. trophies. All those people..” you stopped yourself as you felt a gag stop the words from coming out.

“What room, doll? My trophies?” there was a glint in his eyes that made you sure of what happened.

“Oh, you mean my study?” He answered. “Okay, doll, I’ll show you. Then you’ll understand.”

He ushers you to follow him.

You warily comply.

The hallway is different from what you remember. It’s slightly cleaner, still old but not as you remembered it.

The door at the end was the same. ‘His study.’

Part of you didn’t want to see it again, but you felt crazy and you knew what you saw. You couldn’t make that up.

Right?

He stands next to the door, and lets you watch him open the door.

Everything is the same.

Dark and old, except, there is no smell of blood and the furniture doesn’t look like how you remember it.

It all looks normal. Where there once was human skin, there is now animal skin to make a leather couch. The walls and floor were simple and ordinary wood. There weren’t any faces stitched into the walls. No human portraits splayed as decor.

“What.. but.. It was all.. It isn’t..” you feel yourself grow dizzy and the Scarecrow grabs your shoulder gently.

“Some of these are my catches, others were my family’s. You see, this house was once my family’s. It’s just me now.” he whispers as you try to come to terms with the facts.

“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Mr. Scarecrow.. I don’t know what’s going on with me.. I thought you..” you whispered, still in disbelief.

“Oh, it’s alright, darlin’.” He smiles. “You just got a little confused, it’s alright.” That same glint in his eyes you saw earlier is now there, and you don’t know what to believe anymore.

“You’re gonna help me, right, Mr. Scarecrow?” you hesitantly ask.

You didn’t trust your memory, or him, but he was your best bet on getting out of this.. Whatever this fucking place was.

Plus, part of you really wanted to trust him.

“Of course I am, darlin’. But why don’t ya call me Phillip. Scarecrow isn’t actually any part of my name.” he chuckles. “Now listen, I’m gonna go scout the path to get ya out but I need ya to stay here while I do that.” He sees the way your body tenses at the idea of being left alone. You almost miss the quick smile he gives upon seeing you frightened. But you brush it off as him being amused and not actually enjoying the look of fear on you.

“Don’t worry now, this house is safe. Nothin’s gon’ get ya while you’re here, sweetheart.” He gives you a quick grin before he walks toward the door, “Let’s get ya to the bedroom, seems you still need some more rest.”

He guides you to the bedroom where you woke up in.

“Now, this house is safe, but don’t stray out of your room. Don’t want ya stepping on an old floorboard and hurtin’ yourself. Just get some rest. I’ll be back after I find you a way out.” He gives you a quick wink before he leaves the bedroom and leaves you on your own in the bedroom.

For a few minutes all you hear is nothing but occasional creaks of the floorboards, and then silence.

He’s gone out now, you think to yourself.

Giving it a few more minutes before you get up from the bed and walk over to the door.

The hinges squeak as you open it.

The curiosity in you is inevitable, you want to check the study again.

“I know what I saw..” you breath out, “I saw that.. Right?” you aren’t sure if you're stating it or asking yourself a question.

Doubt heavy on your hazy mind.

Shaky hands reach for the knob of the study door, but you're met with the click of a lock.

“What..” you can’t help but feel confused at the action. He said the house was safe, and that you were welcome. So why’d he lock the study.

Hours pass, or what feels like hours in this place.

The sun is close to setting and the bit of sun that peaks through the windows of the house brings a warm light to the house.

You can’t help but want to step out onto the porch.

The door opens and you lean onto the old wood.

It feels quiet here. Calm and a sense of security. The house is safe.

Closing your eyes to take in the warmth of the sun as it was near setting, you breathe out, finally lowering your guard.

That is all shattered when you hear a blood curdling shriek coming from the crops.

Your eyes open immediately, fear seeping into your features.

Unsure of what you heard.

But then it goes again.

This time, it sounds closer.

Until in the crops, something pours out.

Stumbling out with a cry and a scream; a woman.

She’s covered in dirt and.. Blood.

She spots the house, and you.

“PLEASE! PLEASE HELP ME!” she cries out.

You run towards her, picking her up by her shoulders.

“W-what happened? Are you okay?” you ask her, trying to see where the blood is coming from.

“There’s something here! It’s chasing me! It’s going to kill us!” she quickly says. “We need to hide, it’s gonna find us!”

She must have encountered one of those things in the cornfield Phillip mentioned, you think.

“The house, the house is safe.” The words quickly pour out and you help her limping figure up and are about to guide her to the house.

Away from the crops and the danger.

When you both hear rustling coming from the crops.

It’s nearing.

“It’s here.” she mutters, a frozen look on her face. She’s paralyzed.

The crops shift as something is right behind the corn. You can’t seem to pinpoint where, or what but you can feel it’s gaze on both of you.

“Run!” She shrieks as she pushes you away just as the corn stalks open and something lunges, it’s dark and spindly resembling an arm. In an instant her screams are eaten by the field as she’s taken away.

Just as quickly as she appeared, she disappeared.

Shock, confusion, and fear engulf you.

Scrambling back to the house, you cry and shake.

“What the fuck, what the fuck!” you feel horrible, that woman, she’s likely dead now. Her screams were no longer heard.

It takes you a couple of minutes to calm yourself, for your tears to come to an end and your breathing to come back to a familiar pattern.

The events that just happened came swimming back.

Her screams.

The monster in the field coming, inevitably taking her.

But there’s something almost familiar about the scene.

Something that you can’t help remember.

The plants moved… at will.

“Phillip.. the scarecrow..” you muttered quietly, fearing that if you spoke louder he might suddenly appear.

He had done something similar in the field when he found you. When there was a pest.

He can control the crops.. You realized. No.. it can’t be.. Why would he be doing this? Why would he take her?

From your slumped position on the front door, your head whips to the stairs.

His study.

By the time you reach the door, your body feels cold. You don’t want to check, because what if you’re wrong? You’d be being so ungrateful to the Scarecrow after all he’s done for you.

As your hand reaches for the knob you are met with the click of the lock and your mind screams, “But what if I’m right?”

The door was somehow unlocked this time.

It creaks as it opens. Familiar.

And so is the smell.

It’s dark but you can smell it. The stench.

Human skin. Human. Fucking. Skin.

It’s enough to make you believe what you say actually happened. Debunks everything he had told you.

Shaking in disbelief that this is real. Very fucking real.

From the darkness of the room you hear a slight sound. Something almost like a creaking of the floor.

You barely take a few steps forward before your eyes settle in the darkness. There’s something there.

Narrowing your eyes, you see its figure.

Contorted to all hell, limbs almost tied to themselves, the distinct smell of fresh blood is strong now that you stepped into the room. The sound is heard again, but this time it's not a creak.

It's a choked sob. Hardly sounds human, whatever it is, is alive. Barely.

“He-.. lp-..“ the croaking makes it seem almost like it’s broken its neck or trachea.

You recognize the high pitched tone though. You just heard it a while ago, and though this time it sounds just barely audible you recognize it.

That girl. From earlier.

“No.. no, no, no..” you voice breaks the sounds of whatever the fuck happened to her throat and the quiet drip of her blood.

You step back, what will you do? Run down the stairs, run out of the house, run into the corn…? That’s his territory is it not? What if he wasn’t entirely lying about the dangers that lurked out there?

You stop at the front door. What were you gonna do? It’s going to be out there.

“Doll..” the sweet voice rings out, immediately triggering the endless pit of fear in your stomach.

“Where’d ya go?” He says stepping out of the shadows of the house. “I shoulda told ya not to leave that room. Maybe this would have been avoided. Guess you’re just gonna have to learn or end up just like this damn pest. Which will it be, doll?”

19 notes · View notes

annerbhp · 10 months

Text

20 questions for fic writers!

@runawaymarbles tagged me, but she said I could do it anyway if I liked.

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

114

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

1,436,497

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The big ones were Stargate and Harry Potter and The Untamed. I've also dabbled briefly in CSI, Leverage, Firefly, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Last of the Mohicans.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

It's all HP fic, which I think speaks both to the size of that fandom, but also that I started writing for that fandom as I moved to AO3.

The Changeling (HP, Ginny) The Armistice Series (going to cheat and put these all together, HP, Harry/Ginny) we can't control (watch me unfold) (HP, Harry/Ginny) gone was any trace of you (HP, Harry/Ginny) half awake and almost there (HP, Harry/Ginny)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do try to respond to comments, because each and every one of them mean a lot to me. But I am not always great about it. I think I kind of respond in giant bursts? So there are times when I just don't, often because I am totally focused on getting the next chapter out or something, but then I will just sit down on day and just mass respond to a lot. I could always be better at it though.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Interesting. I am in no way afraid of angst, but I usually like to at least have a hopeful ending, if not a wildly happy pay off ending. I'm not sure I've ever done a full tragedy ending. Outside some one-off comment fic or ficlet posted here or there.

I think down here among the wreckage (Sam/Jack, SG-1) is my most infamously angsty fic of all time, and I never completely got to finish it? So it ends pretty darn angsty. Though maybe Beneath the Stains of Time (boy, I used to love a good apocafic!)

my kingdom come undone (Untamed, wangxian) is pretty darn angsty too, I suppose.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hopefully almost all of them? Though, I suppose I mostly like to exist in the "here's some pay off after angst, but I'm never gonna say everything is all good because it never is" area.

Maybe Life is What Happens which is sort of a coda to who Harry/Ginny could have ended up being?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Occasionally, but not that often. I've only gotten something I would consider straight up hate speech twice, and those just get immediately deleted. Otherwise it's mostly someone telling me what they don't like. Some people really hated The Changeling. And some people really think I hate Hermione for some reason and hated that. Oh, boy and now I'm remembering the time I mentioned the mere possibility of a different pairing (Sam/Daniel) than my usual ship at the time (Sam/Jack) and got a lot of hate about that!

9. Do you write smut?

Not in the beginning, no. I distinctly remembering @holdouttrout and I being like "how can people write smut! I could never!" and then not so long later we had a good time coming back and laughing at ourselves and each other as we wrote smut. Lol. Good times, Trout!

These days, yes, I am known to sometimes write smut. I don't do a lot of PWP, but I think smut can be a great part of storytelling and character development. I'm not sure I'm any good at it, and it's probably the kind of writing I am least confident in, but I'm usually willing to try a hand at it.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Very occasionally I have. Mostly in response to a challenge or a fest or some sort of organized event. It can be fun to just take two things you like and brainstorm what it would possibly look like to smoosh them together. I think the biggest crossovers I ever wrote were a SG-1/Firely one (Raggedy Edge) and a SG-1/House MD one (Unexpected). Both were fics I wrote for someone else. (Man, I have this SG-1/Leverage fic that I always wanted to write but doubt I ever will. I think I had Maggie as one of Jack's cousins or something.)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. People have occasionally posted one of my fics in weird archive or something. But no one's ever tried to claim one of my stories as their own.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a few! I know there are a few languages for The Changeling. Though I'm not sure if any were ever finished. I've had a few requests for various things over the years. And then I put up a "feel free to do without asking" disclaimer, so who knows!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, that is not something I've ever done. I'm always impressed by that. And some of the best fics I've ever read have been team written. (A Narrow Bridge by @frameofmind9 and Jo Lasalle, it's AMAZING.) I find it such an interesting and impressive idea. Not sure I'd be able to do it, but it's interesting!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I feel attacked. What kind of a question to ask a shipper. Well, there is always what takes up all my brain space in the moment, which is Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian in The Untamed. But Sam/Jack (SG-1) was my first and will always own a part of my brain.

It's interesting too, because there are ships I adore, ships I love to read about, and ships I love to write about. And those three don't always align. I think Sam/Jack and Wangxian have been the two biggest ships for me that touch all three of those at once.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Excuse me as I open my writing folder and gesture at everything all at once. Okay, I'll be nicer to myself. I am in a space where I feel like I will never finish anything ever again, but I will have faith!!

There's really too much. So many HP fics that I am sad that I will probably never get to. There's a time travel fic, there's a Harry never went to Hogwarts AU, oh, man, the zombie fic. So many.

There's a ton of SG-1 fics I left half-imagined, but it's been a decade since I stopped writing for that fandom, so I'm more distant from it now.

I want to finish them all!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. This is hard. Probably because saying nice things about ourselves is hard and feels like being egotistical or something. Lol. I think I really like weaving various plot lines, themes, and character development, probably because that is the thing I love doing and so have spent a lot of time experimenting and practicing. I think I also have an ability to trust my instincts with what is working and what isn't, even if I'm stubborn about ignoring it sometimes. Can being stubborn as hell being a writing strength. Because that, honestly.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have very little discipline. People who can outline something and then just knock a draft out are amazing to me. I am very slow and only tend to write when I'm in the mood. I think I can also be overly sensitive to unsolicited criticism. And in some cases solicited criticism from someone I haven't built trust with. That might mostly be the giant case of imposter syndrome I lug around with myself. So I might be sensitive, but I've been trying to build my skills in hearing it and reacting appropriately in a constructive way. I feel like brevity is another problem! Just look at this darn post!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Honestly, I don't attempt it. If someone is speaking a different language, I am more likely to just put the dialogue in italics or something, if whoever the POV is understands that language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stargate SG-1. At least the first I ever wrote and shared. I think I wrote fanfic in my head for decades before realizing what it even was. (Let's say that I had quite the crush on Wesley Crusher and fantasized ways some OC self-insert might be able to marry him while also being adopted by Picard. Ah...the early 90s. What a time to be alive.)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Wow, and I thought some of these earlier questions were rude. 😂

I'm going to cheat and say that whatever i am currently working on is always my favorite.

Also, I really liked who i am at the end of the day which is so obscure that no one ever read it. (I think it has like 2 comments and one of them was @runawaymarbles being nice to me. <3 )But I just love a lot about it. Sometimes I daydream about removing the serial numbers and turning it into it's own thing.

Tagging @pepperf, @holdouttrout, @narukoibito, @mylittleredgirl, and YOU that person who wants to do this.

#20 questions writing memes

18 notes · View notes

alicia-akuma · 4 months

Text

Small little Fulgur Ovid fic teaser because it's 2 in the morning and I'm bored

Legatus 505

You found yourself four centuries in the future, where cyborgs run the world, being too ruined for any normal human and air too toxic for any normal human to breathe. A place where heroes are replaced with The Legion, anti heroes replaced with Legatus' and martyrists as the villains. Will you survive in this strange new world or cyborgs and advanced technology, or will you die at the hands of a corrupted Legatus or Martyrist?

You wake up in a room, an old, but well preserved gas mask placed on you in your sleep by an unknown person. You carefully take it off, unsure of why it was put on you, but since it was, it had to be important. Now looking around with full vision, you see crumbled houses and buildings, bones of decayed corpses scattered on the ground. The sky is grayish-blue, clouds a dark gray instead of the normal pure white. A door opens behind you, and a strange man with a red metal arm walks in. "You're awake", he says, a slight British-Irish accent in his voice mixed with a slightly robotic sound. "Welcome to The Republic, I was hoping you would be asleep long enough for a breathing filter to be inserted, but it appears not." He says before walking over to you. "My name is Fulgur Ovid" he states before sticking out his robotic hand to shake your normal one."It's alright, I won't do anything but try and help you survive here in this destroyed world of ours, unless you turn out against me, then I'll have to kill you" He says, not expecting you to trust him right after your first encounter with him while being awake. His white hair, light blue almost gray eyes and red scar all popping out against the dim lights of the slightly discolored room that was once white, is now a light gray with age.

"How did I get here? Why am I here? What are you?" You ask him, desperate for answers. I don't know how you ended up this far in the future, I found you on the ground unconscious, I thought you were dead until I picked you up. Your body was still warm, so I took a chance on you and brought you here. I don't know why you're here, but since you are there must be a reason, and I am a Cyborg and Legatus for department 505." He states, only creating more questions for you. "What's a Lagatus?" You ask him, and he pauses for a moment. "It's Legatus, leg-a-tus and in your century, it's kind of like a solo detective" He says, trying to keep his tone gentle. "Oh, ok, why solo? Wouldn't it be easier with other people?" You ask, genuinely curious. "Because I don't like other people and while working with other people might be easier for most people, it's not for me, you should be lucky I didn't just let you die here." He says, his voice is harsh and filled with judgment.

#fulgur ovid #legatus #legatus 505 #noctyx #nijisanji en #nijisanji

5 notes · View notes

cahmilo · 2 years

Note

HII! Can I request a Carlos x fem reader platonic fic where reader is from a really poor family and out of desperation she goes to steal from the madrigal family at night, but is caught by carlos, who for some weird reason is awake at 2 am. She tries to run, but he catches her, and when she explains that shes poor, he decides to ask his entire family to help her. And after that, the two slowly become friends.

Ik this is a pretty weird prompt, but its like 3 am here, my brain isnt working lol

little thief.

[2:00 AM]

time was ticking by fast and you had to act quickly. though your motives for tonight seemed risky, what do you have to lose?

nothing.

that's what your life is full off. you and your family come from a poor background, scooting quietly through the encanto hidden in the shadows to survive. so far, you stole from nearby houses, but this time you aimed for a life-or-death situation,

stealing one of the treasured potteries owned by the madrigals.

yes, the magical and well-respected family in the encanto. you have set your eyes on the flower pot seen from a party that happened a week ago. the flower pot has been in that magical house since the beginning, and it was used to sprout a rare flower grown by one of the family members, worth all the money you desired for once you take it and leave.

by now you knew that the house turns stagnant at 2, from how you spied on mirabel madrigal climbing on the roofs figuring out the problem with the magic. the once magical house stood still despite her wobbling around, eventually you figured that it had it's resting times too.

with a deep breath, you latched on to the vines at the walls at the back of the house. fortunately for you, not a single soul was wandering on the house. it was the perfect opportunity for you to walk past the corner stairs and on to the balcony at the second floor. the house still hadn't ratted you out, making you hopeful that you were going to get away. it seemed like an easy task so far, right?

you reached out to the vase, almost holding it. but surprisingly, the table shook and the vase toppled. you cursed to yourself, that loud thud could have just as easily woken up another specific family member with enhanced hearing. you slowly took a deep breath and reached out to the vase again, only for your wrist to be caught by someone's hand.

"shit" you muttered to yourself. you slowly looked up to see who owns the hand clasping your wrist tightly. you gulped in fear.

out of all the people, why did it had to be carlos madrigal?

"you really think you can just sneak in here unnoticed?" carlos raised his eyebrow, still refusing to let go of your wrist, "you have a lot of nerve, little thief" he sneered.

"well now that you've announced it to the entire house, i can't sneak anymore!" you pulled back your hand while keeping a balance between shouting and whispering. much to your struggle, carlos let go of your hand but blocked your way of exit. by now you assumed that you're screwed. the house can just spit you out at any minute so any rash decision of running away was ticked off.

"i don't know why you're up at this hour but listen to me-" you looked around before grabbing a hold on carlos' collar and bringing his face near to you.

"- give me that vase, and i swear on your family's name i'll leave you all the fuck alone and you'll never hear from me again."

a tinge of desperation was slightly obvious despite your 'intimidating' demeanor. carlos however, showed no emotion. you slowly backed away but he grabbed your wrist yet again.

"any sketchy move and casita could slam the floors so hard it's gonna wake everyone up" carlos commented, "are you willing to risk that?"

silence.

carlos smirked and let go of your wrist. he then tucked his hands on the side pocket of his pants and leaned on the wall beside him while you stood motionless.

"y/n" carlos casually blurted out your name, making you turn to him by surprise.

"yeah, everyone in the family knows you" he continued. "a family hiding in the shadows, stealing objects for a living, literally. what made you think you can barge in here so easily?"

"a girls gotta live, madrigal. now be a dear and go back to bed for me, okay? it's waaay past your bedtime" you sarcastically cooed at him, almost as if you were babying him, and carlos didn't like that. his eyebrows furrowed and he stepped forward making you silently gulp in fear.

"watch your mouth, y/n" carlos snarled, "one hum and i can send the entire family and the house after you."

it took a mini-glaring contest for you to finally give up. you realized that it was a stalemate with carlos madrigal. a checkmate, for one move of his could get you in so much trouble. you sighed and slumped your shoulders, attempting to leave. but to your dismay, casita's floor tiles, perked up, making you trip to the ground groaning in pain a little too loudly.

"great." you muttered "now dolores knows."

carlos smirked, half-laughing about your fall but was kind enough to give you his hand to stand up. you pulled yourself up and dusted your clothes, even subtly stomping on the tiles out of pettiness.

"or she could shut it...." carlos muttered out of nowhere. his face has an unreadable look to it, he still kept holding your hand to your surprise, you didn't seem to mind it at all.

"what?"

carlos let go of your hand and leaned forward to the rails of the balcony, only seeing his backside. although it was the perfect time for you to run away and escape, that option never crossed your mind. somehow you went along with him, leaning on the balcony a distance beside him while watching the stars above.

"antonio's animals were the ones that noticed you first, then i ratted you out to the family" carlos spoke as you broke your train of thought to look at him.

"you only steal for sustenance, which is something we shouldn't be mad about. you stole jewelries and antiques and trade it for money which you buy for family's food, why go for the extra mile when you can just ask from tia julieta?"

speechless, that's all you were. you didn't for a second think that someone would even think not just about you, but about the family. although you knew how powerful this family was, you didn't expect them to know you this well. and for once, you didn't feel scared or terrified anymore. somehow carlos madrigal manages to see through you. he was right, you were never stealing for evil intent, you were merely struggling to survive. but what you didn't know was that the madrigals were waiting all along, planning every step just to get to the stubborn you.

"since you scamper away like a bunny every time someone approaches you, we thought it would have been better to wait until you come to us." carlos looks over at you, still with an unreadable look but you were too focused at the fact that you, a thief, is making friends with one of the madrigals. the moment he said that last sentence, you were shocked.

"you mean, all of this was planned? casita "sleeping"?" you asked, carlos slightly nodded his head while you were still taken aback.

inside you were grateful, but you were unsure on how to show it. luckily, the atmosphere was no longer awkward. comfortable silence took over until you heard rumbling on the floor. casita seemed to do something but when you looked over to the side, you saw a new door start to form. is that...?

your trance state was interrupted by carlos who now had a warm smile on his face. he then said,

"looks like casita wants you to stay"

##: @pochi-moochika, @carlosfruitsnacks, @thegirlwiththebangs, @mirabelleza, @carcat-02, @brushofease, @camilos-luna, @ducky-is-dead-inside, @elegantkidfansoul, @moon-cakiie, @justiceiv, @try-cry-why-try, @justzei, @asockyoulostbeforelaundry, @alexxavicry, @ashirtyouforgotyouhad, @khayhuij

#[scheduled post]#cahmi fics #carlos madrigal #carlos madrigal x reader #encanto x reader

62 notes · View notes

dzpenumbra · 1 year

Text

7/28/23

Alright. 3AM and here I am. I got a full night's sleep last night. Waking up and seeing the afternoon light was a relief. I'm hoping that will soon be... a thing of the past.

Let me elaborate. I had therapy today. I timed the start of my day so that I didn't do yoga or anything before therapy, I actually pretty much started my day with it. I did dishes and broke out my brand new teapot to make a pot of jasmine tea. I thawed some frozen strawberries - this bag unfortunately was not a great batch. I ate a bowl of cereal and played Mini Motorways for a bit. But the big thing was... I started my day with therapy.

The teapot... was a bit of a mistake, to be honest. Not in getting it, it will be a perfect addition when I finally do literally anything social in-person at my house. Something I had given up on ages ago in the past. But... what noticed today was that... just drinking two cups of tea was... too much. I got too much caffeine in my system from just two cups of tea. How fucking crazy is that. After only a couple days of not even a cold-turkey caffeine detox, just cutting down from a pot of black coffee to one cup of tea. The difference was staggering. I guarantee 2 weeks ago I could've drank the entire pot of tea and barely felt anything.

So, that's a thing I need to be mindful of. I made a point to go into therapy without a plan today. I was curious to see what would come out of it naturally. Unsurprisingly, some stuff from my journal entry last night about my social anxiety and panic and its origins/maturation and all that came up. But a surprising amount of stuff about... sleep. My lack of sleep, sleep interruption, my sleep schedule, what I've historically done about sleep. He made sure to be very delicate about it, but was urging me to try to bring my sleep schedule back a bit. And honestly, I want to. I genuinely don't know what's holding me back.

I say this at 3AM. 3AM is a very normal time for me to be awake. I just spent like 15 minutes in my kitchen cleaning my stove and washing dishes, and I had to actively stop myself. These late-night/early morning hours are very unique, hours that the layman rarely sees at any point in their life. Fucking think about that, how weird is that? The average person, in fact... the vast majority of people... can go their whole lives and only see between 2-4AM a handful of times. On super rare occasions, like being sick or having nightmares or if they have an infant child that needs care, or in extreme emergencies, or a super quick bathroom sprint. And I've seen that entire stretch from midnight to dawn every fucking day for well over 4 years. Every day. It's where almost every one of these journal entries was written, it's where a lot of my artwork has been made.

So... why? Why? XD Why do I sleep during the day... and stay up until dawn? I. Don't. Know.

I legit asked my therapist directly to please help me explore this next week. I honestly don't know. I'm struggling to connect the dots. Is this a thing like, "well, I just drink caffeine, don't ask me why... it's just what I do"? Is it because it's insanely quiet and still - like just the sounds of the occasional cricket or the rare nocturnal hunt? Is it because everyone else is asleep, and I'm... avoiding them? Meaning like... I finally have the world to myself and won't be bothered? ... I don't know, because I really don't have the world to myself... I have to be super quiet during the night. It's one thing to be loud and shit during the day... it's a whole other ball-game to disturb your neighbors at 3AM. Am I afraid of going to sleep in the dark? Genuinely unsure on that one. I don't really feel like I am. And I have night lights... I think it might just be... unfamiliar. Like working out was.

Here's an interesting thought I had earlier... am I sleeping during the day because that's when people aren't in the building? ... Like... everyone is away during the day, at their jobs or school or whatever. So... that's the time when the building is the emptiest. Can I like... sense (subconsciously) the presence of this many people in close proximity to me? And like... maybe when I'm sleeping, do I feel safer when I'm around less people? It's an interesting angle, but I don't know.

Or is it really not this complicated. I really think it might be as simple as... I'm just not used to sleeping at night. And I really have no dire need to be awake at a certain hour... Though it would be convenient, I would have plenty of time to skate, without having to rush. I could take day trips to the lake or the beach or go explore weird hippie shops and shit. I could go on adventures. I could go be out in the world! But when am I going to do 4-hours straight of painting? How do I fit that into my day, too?

Yeah, maybe there isn't some big subconscious reasoning. Maybe it's just... what I got used to. Maybe dawn is the only marker because... its the only timekeeper I listen to. When I see 4AM, it doesn't mean much to me. When I see the sun coming up, I go... "oh shit, yeah, I gotta wrap it up." I guess kinda like what sunset is for a lot of people.

So yeah, maybe this is just a matter of habit. Just a super big and super broad habit.

I had to remind myself today that in 2019, I was living in a house with 11 other people. I was sharing a room, first with one other person almost 10 years older than me, then with 2 people 10 years younger. It was super alien and uncomfortable and I struggled with it a lot, but I managed to make it work enough to function and adjusted surprisingly quickly. I had some sleep struggles there, but only because I was staying up until 2AM. That's peanuts compared to what I'm doing now. Back then, I was waking up at around 8 or 9 so I could make a 10AM appointment 2 times a week. But I was steadily waking up in AM. And that was not that long ago... it was only... 4... years ago... Damn, the pandemic really fucked up time, didn't it.

So... I guess a lot of my big dramatic problems are... still residual pandemic problems. Scared to be in close proximity to other people, and kinda masking that as... don't want to be "overwhelmed emotionally"... or "don't want to involuntarily do something to offend people". Maybe my panic brain is bringing that shit out because it knows I'll listen. When really... it's "I don't want to get sick and die." Because... people just don't talk about the virus anymore, like it just doesn't fucking exist. Like it just went away. And I don't have social interactions, so... I'm kinda... frozen in time? And I never evolved new social habits because... I don't have anyone else built in to practice with. So... I guess I'm kinda still in quarantine, kinda?

I mean... I'm vaccinated so I don't really know what I'm worried about. I'm just... I haven't really been to any kind of in-person thing involving more than just family members in almost 4 years. I've been to doctors, I've been to therapy, I've gone to dinner with family. I don't know, I haven't like... hung out with a group of people since before the pandemic. And it's super alien, and... that same word keeps coming up over and over and over - overwhelming. The idea of it is overwhelming. But I crave it so much. And it's essential for my personal and professional growth.

I used to go to concerts at small venues where you'd just be packed in there like sardines, feeling the energy of the crowd. Now? No way in hell I'd do that. I might stand on the side by the wall and listen to the music... Huh... Maybe this is pandemic shit.

I've been trying to put this in context of why I have been skipping and kinda avoiding... excusing myself... from going to these regular live model drawing sessions at the art collective a block away from my apartment. I've known about and missed 2 drawing sessions and a small concert to raise money for flood victims. Let me just uncork the old noggin real quick and unload all the reasons I came up with to not go. So I can hear how exaggerated (I wanted to say "stupid" but I'm really trying not to beat myself up so much) they are.

I didn't want to go because I haven't done figure drawing, let alone figure drawing from life... in a very long time. Like... since college. I did some figure drawing studies in 2020 and 2021, from photographs. I haven't done figure drawing from life since college. And... yeah, honestly? I think that's the big bad one. I'm a tiny bit self-conscious about how I smell because I stopped wearing deodorant like 6 years ago, it kept fucking with my skin and I don't like the idea of putting weird chemicals into my skin when I don't really know what effects they'll have, especially for cosmetic purposes. But I'm really not that concerned about that one, I mean... if I'm wearing beads and hemp jewelry, you can expect a little B.O. and you can get the fuck over yourself, you stink too. We all do. And I make sure I shower and perfume very soon before being around people, so I really don't think that's an issue, it's never been brought to my attention as being a big one. I am a bit self-conscious about my skin condition. It's like acne, but all over my scalp to varying degrees, in addition to some face acne. I have been self-conscious about this for a while. But I just can't bring myself to wear a hat to hide it. I just can't allow myself that crutch, it feels like giving a loaded gun to my shame. And I've been going out regularly and honestly, once I get out there I really don't think about it. On my last walk, I had mosquitos fucking gravitating towards them because they're like radar beacons of heat, but I passed by several people and the insecurity really didn't linger in my head more than a fleeting thought. If someone's going to judge me for something I can't help, when I can't even get a doctor's appointment until December? They can fuck off. I've been a little afraid that I might... be socially awkward? From just... lack of practice... But my therapy sessions prove that completely wrong... and my interactions with the girl who works for the building and the maintenance guy prove that wrong. And streaming does too. And my passing body-language interactions with people in the world prove that wrong. I'm just... kinda in my own world out there. But not in an anti-social way. In the way that a 7 year old is in their own world, because they're just utterly fascinated by the shape of these leaves over here... or this rock they found... but if you approach them, they're cool with chatting. Hell, they'll tell you all about it! So... I'm not so much insecure about my ability to communicate... I'm just worried that I won't make the most out of the opportunity. That I will meet some people but... not connect, not have it turn into friends. Because I'm too passive. I don't know.

So... of all of that... I think the insecurity about my drawing ability... and my insecurity with being too passive and just sorta... being at the school dance but standing on the sidelines and waiting for someone to approach me? Because I'm a bit shy...? Those are the big ones. The others are kinda just fleeting thoughts. How to address this? If I make figure drawing an anatomical study... or a study of breaking down the body into simple interrelated shapes... I could go on, you get what I mean? If I make this a study... rather than... I'm here to show these people my chops... as though I have to... impress them or something? First impression moments, man... that's gotta be what this is. Ugh... But yeah, if I focus on treating this as an opportunity to learn about anatomical structures... like trying to draw the person's skeleton rather than their skin... or their muscle structures in certain parts of their body that are flexed or rotated when they're in specific poses. Or just breaking down complex forms into simpler shapes so I can sorta... develop gestural shortcuts for future figure drawing... Then this can be sort of an... autodidactic class. A class where I'm teaching myself. Not just me showing up and being this incredibly talented artist and drawing the person and then people look at it and go "wow, that's really good" and I get embarrassed and proud at the same time. Good lord, engaging with these anxieties is so fucking important, this paragraph has turned me completely 180 on this. I absolutely can see the value in going to that drawing session now, it's worth well more than $15 for 2 hours. Plus, I get to potentially meet new people.

See... that's what I did. I put too much emphasis on meeting new people and making a good impression. If I have a secondary goal... I can come out of there with a win no matter what. Not that it's winning or losing... but I hope you know what I mean. If I go there with the exclusive goal of making new friends... there's a good chance that even if it goes well, I might not make a new best friend. And that puts a ton of invisible pressure on myself and on other people, that they're not even aware of. I really should be going for the experience. And make an effort to socialize. But really... just get an experience.

Goddamn. I'm just like... the concept of walking up to a stranger, or a group of strangers, at a trivia night at a bar? That shit is so fucking alien to me right now. I just immediately get a huge reflex that just starts laughing at the absurdity of that. Me. Walking up to a beautiful woman at a bar and asking to buy her a drink. XD Right... I'm in the corner booth sitting crosslegged on the bench seat drawing zentangles on a coaster. That's the character I am. I don't like being that forward. It makes me uncomfortable.

And yet... I rely on others to be that forward... Figure that one out... XD

I'm just gonna explore this one before I turn in, I really want to get a shower in before I go to bed. The time before last at the skatepark, a kid came by. I say kid, he was probably in his early 20's. He was on the other side of the park the entire time. I had headphones in, he had headphones in. He stayed on his side of the park, I stayed on mine. (To be fair, the only obstacles I wanted to skate were on the side I was on.) We didn't speak the entire time. We barely made eye contact. Can I... challenge myself... next time I'm at the skatepark... to go up to someone specifically for the purpose of saying hi? To introduce myself? I mean, I wave to passersby a lot. I smile a ton. I feel like I'm approachable enough. I wonder if I could challenge myself, set some goals... to like... go up to strangers and introduce myself and get to know something about them. Without "being weird" about it, since that keeps popping up in my head.

I did not grow up with good role models for this. But I know how to do it. I've done it in the past. And I really need to remember this part. I have done it in the past and it did not go poorly. It's just very alien to me, and it's not something I have really identified as behavior I would do. Like sending food back at a restaurant, or returning something I bought, or getting something fixed by my landlord. They are things that I am capable of doing logistically, in action, but they are not comfortable actions. They are things I do very rarely, and they feel... risky? They feel liable to upset people. And... my compassion gets hijacked by my self-protective anxiety and goes "oh, you really shouldn't upset those people, it's not that bad." Like the creaky floorboards.

That same "protective" voice says "don't be weird and go over and bother that kid." Because a 36 year old skateboarder saying hi and introducing himself and complimenting another skateboarder is... weird... apparently... and will upset them? Okay, let me turn the tables then... if a 45 year old skateboarder came up to me and complimented me, would I think it was weird? No... I would make a new friend. I'm just... I guess this is where the trauma comes in... I'm aware now that not everyone reacts the same way. And a lot of people in my life... A LOT of people... reacted in ways that did not make sense. And my compassion... got confused, and now kinda short-circuits and struggles to read peoples' reactions properly and tries to play it safe? I guess? Like... "this could go really well, it could be just a normal everyday human interaction, or it could go really bad. Really bad is the new one, we didn't know it could go like this, but god fucking damn did we learn. So... is the benefit worth the potential cost? It is worth the risk? To upset them? To hurt them?" And the answer comes out to be... "play it safe, avoid. Just smile from a distance and let them make the first move."

You know what they say. All great things come from playing it as safe as possible and not taking any risks at all. (That's sarcasm, in case you couldn't read the tone, it's actually the opposite.)

Man... Social anxiety and trauma can get so fucking weird when they mix. Weird because... the logic doesn't appear to make sense... but in the context of the narrative of my outlandish traumatic experiences... it makes a convincing enough argument to end up like this. Welp, the good news? ... Isn't that what gospel means? Good news? XD Welp, here's an excerpt from the Book of DZ for the day - I have made enough progress in developing my self-awareness to be able to detect these... hang-ups? Insecurities? Limitations? I don't even really have a good word for them. Challenges, I guess? And, more recently, I can actually... see myself performing healthier, more social actions. Well, I can see a hypothetical person doing these things. Like I can write stage directions and script a scene where a person that I would be playing would walk up and introduce himself at the skatepark. "Hey, you're really consistent with that tre flip. Is that a favorite trick of yours? Oh, my names _____ by the way." I've done it before, too. I just really wish... I felt excited to have those interactions... rather than dreading them.

Back around college graduation and the few years following, I used to do this thing I called "emotional alchemy"... where I would try to take the physical sensation of stage fright and channel it directly into excitement. Into pure, excited, "I'm pumped" excitement. I'd be back stage just like jumping around and moshing with my bandmates and putting all that adrenaline into exuberance. I have no idea where I got that idea from. But it worked.

Maybe I need to re-learn how to embrace the adrenaline. Embrace the excitement. The Ace of Cups. That's it. The Ace of fucking Cups. The gigantic burst of emotions that you get on a first date. Or a first kiss. Or your first speech in front of a crowd. Or, for the fellow recluses out there, going to the fucking grocery store. XD Or riding on a subway train or something.

This is the last thing, I promise. I mentioned this in therapy. This idea that like... what I'm dealing with are just big emotions. Intense feelings and they can get really sensory overwhelming. But it honestly hasn't been that bad recently. Walking yesterday was not bad at all. At all. Very little, if any overwhelming anxiety. I was just... joyous and childlike. But there's something about the Ace of Cups that just... throws me off. Like I'm afraid of a giant surge of ANY emotion. As though... they're bad. Because of how intense they are. Oooo oh, like how I'm kinda... if I were to find a romantic partner, I would really... need to easy my way into any form of physical contact. And I mean... even hugs. Because of how much of a fucking sensory overload it is. It makes my entire body seize up, literally. I wince. So... there's a reflexive component to this... like preparing yourself to dip into an ice-cold river. It's not going to hurt you, it's not bad... in fact, it can even be good... but it's a shock to the system. Like eating a slice of cake when you haven't eaten sugar in 5 years. Or drinking two cups of tea instead of one today. XD

So... I guess my approach here is to reassure myself that the shock to the system is not that bad, as long as you just relax and ride it out and try to just... see it as another experience. An intense life experience. And in a way, I would like to end up in a place where I am... in an odd way... grateful that I get to experience the little things in life that people all around me take so... for granted... that I get to experience these things so fully.

I go walking and I'm am constantly in awe. I think I'm the only person out in the city walking around and looking up. The architecture is very interesting and alien to me. And the lighting effects of light reflecting off brick and cast iron and other different materials. And the engineering and artistry. And so many different types of plants, in so many unique different types and growth configurations. And the constant flow of water in the river, and just picturing the currents and thinking of how long it took for the rocks to erode. And god, seeing animals is so lovely, I miss it so much and cherish it every time I get to. Birds, rabbits, beavers. I love that experience. And I really do feel blessed that I have reached a point in my personal growth to be able to genuinely appreciate and find joy in so many things. It makes every day an adventure. This overwhelm is just a byproduct of me... experiencing life with the gain turned way up. And sometimes it feels like a lot, even when it isn't bad or harmful. It's just... a lot. So... I'm trying to be self-compassionate about that limitation, but also remind myself that emotional overwhelm isn't necessarily harmful, and subsequently... doesn't necessarily need to be avoided for "personal safety".

Okay, 4:30... still gotta read this back. Not bad. Might even make it to bed before daybreak.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

0 notes

gizzardscrolls · 1 year

Text

God of Machines: Wayland's journal

Chapter 2: 30 miles out

As I wake up, I immediately try to stand up, but with the jangling of chains, I realize I'm forced to sit. I try to look down but even my head is caught on a chain, my arms are bound too. I'm still in my chainmail but my helmet, bracers, and boots are all gone. The guard in the passenger seat says

“You’re one lucky son of a bitch, still alive and not a draugr? The only reason you still have the chainmail on is because you’re such a big bastard we didn't feel like taking it off, you will be taking it off when we get to the labor camp."

I look around at the others in the transport. None of them have chains.

“So why am I the one getting the VIP treatment?”

The guard held up a shadow crystal and retorted “You’re strong enough to kill a Tallman by yourself.”

Fucking Reavers. A large bandit clan made up mostly of veterans and abandoned workers from the F.C.G., the Free City Gathering, a group of a bunch of free cities that went to war with The Empire of Carn, both sides took damage but Carn ultimately won that one. Out of that, all we got is more bloodshed, higher taxes from the lords, and more fucking currency, everywhere usually take’s silver taels, but Carn’s trying to institute a centralized currency made of paper, on one hand, yeah it’s lighter, on the other hand, good luck recovering it from a house fire, or some demons gut. The others on board look sick and elderly, only a couple look fit enough to not die in a labor camp, I get the feeling some of them aren’t being taken to work. Now that I'm fully awake the area where the berserk runes are is still burning hot. I get the feeling using them to escape these chains would only make me collapse from magic sickness. All the way in the back I see someone covered in so many chains it looks more like a storage method than it does a person, there’s another guard wearing full heavy Carn armor next to them, the dome helmet that reflects back at me has always made me uncomfortable, his thick steel plate’s surround almost every inch of him except his hands which only has the palms and joints exposed. If we weren’t in such a cold environment I'd assume he’d boil alive like a lobster, he had a large belt-fed machine gun. Myself and maybe the bundle of chains over there are probably the only people he’d even struggle with in this transport. A large bump in the road sends all the people up in the air. My chains drag me back down.

The large one says out of the shitty speaker in his helmet. “Oswald! Watch where you’re fucking driving if this cultist wakes up we’re all fucked!”

The driver, now identified as Oswald, said “Sorry sergeant sir!”

That guy sound’s younger than me, he’s probably around sixteen? Poor kid’s going to die for some stupid shit. The bundle of chains starts rattling like crazy. The sergeant starts bashing it where I assume the head is with his gun. After what feels like forever blood drips from some of the chains and it stops moving, we’re all silent after that. After a turn I see a worn metal signpost pointing down the road we turned on, Hadersverg 30 miles out. Hadersverg was a large mining operation before the war in the comparatively low mountaintop of the eastern part of the Terwyn continent, it was privately owned and the metal within fueled both sides of the war. I heard that before it was abandoned, only a fraction of the metal was extracted. At least I know what I'm going to be doing. After the driver pulled into the main gate the man in heavy armor started escorting us all out to another, smaller gate where we were told to stop, almost everyone in front of me was sent down a hallway on the right side, whereas I had to go forward into the heart of the camp, they took the chains off of me so I could finally move properly.

“Don’t do anything stupid, take off your armor and state your name.”

As I begin taking off mostly destroyed chainmail, I realize the cost of all the gear when I get out is definitely going to set me back from my nice house.

I kindly ask “Hey can I at least get my boot’s back?”

“that’s a funny name”

haha funny. “It’s Wayland.”

Clearly amused by his own thoughts the guard asked, “It’s your first name?”

If only I could I’d rip his lungs out, unfortunately, I'm outnumbered with no armor or guns. The last thing I heard from the guard was to follow another down the hallway. Finally inside, the concrete wall and smooth stone floor make this place look quite fancy for what’s now a prison camp.

“Hey, you’re the guard that was driving us.”

Oswald, a young kid with tan skin and short brown hair, the boy wasn't well built nor was he fat, no idea how he lasted as long as he did with the Reavers.

“Sorry sir, they don't want me speaking with the laborers.”

I shrug “I’m not a sir, I'm not much older than you”

he doesn't respond.

“Smart kid”

He stops and points to the door, “This is the med bay, you’re supposed to get checked out here, they’ll find out what you’re doing”

walking in I see it’s all empty beds, the humming of a fan and lights, and the white interior really sells the scavenged building vibe, nothing in the building looks like it was part of the same facility. The shaman is sitting at his desk, he has a thick northern Carn accent, a large gray beard, and those little reading glasses old folks get.

“Ah, a new patient, very good! Come, come, I no bite!”

A mood change from the gloom of having to work to death in a mine, he seems like a nice guy despite who he works for. I step in front of his desk.

“Alright I need you take off shirt, only shirt unless you have an injury I no want to see it!”

Amused at his own joke, his booming laugh reminds me of my father, “You’re big strong man, like me! Many rune’s you are as say in your language, mercenary?”

What time period is this man from? Most mercs are either hunters or guards, mercenaries died off with the war.

“Let me see those bandaged hands”

I extend them forward and as he inspects them he sighs in relief

“is good you drink health potion? If your hands didn't work they’d have killed you. I give you outfit now, yes one moment”

as he took out a gray jumpsuit with two red stripes going down the right shoulder, he started to sew something on it

“I like you strong man, I put pocket in outfit for you to hide those gold hair clips.”

I wonder why such a nice old man would be with Reavers, “Thank you what’s your name shaman?”

the big man grins a little, “My name is Reed, if not for job I’d hope to see you more often, little strong man!”

Curious, I asked him, “Where’s the normal doctor for those with magic sickness?”

This caused what little happiness in his face to drain. “As Warden Matthias says, old and sick must die, no room for weakness”

As I walk out of the room there's crackling over the intercom, “All prisoners and personnel are to report to the central courtyard immediately!”

Oswald waiting for me tells me to get a move on, as we walk past the other guards I notice a lot of them are still using Breznov’s, cheap surplus rifles now, the F.G.C.’s flagship rifle during the war. High caliber and bolt action, they were good for getting through the tough armor of Carn soldiers but fired slower. Semi-auto versions started to appear near the end of the war but it was already over at that point, the weird cylindrical-shaped packets made storage hard for it too, but for managing some disarmed prisoners it was good enough. After getting funneled out into the large courtyard I see 30-40 other prisoners. At the far end is a stage where I assume the warden, Matthias, is standing. In the dead center is a large pit, along the top is a fence made of wooden spikes pointing inwards to prevent people from crawling out. Inside I see the bundle of chains. I don’t want to know why they have a cultist in there. I glance behind me and see Oswald looking rather grim and a guard tower behind him with a roitzer cannon, a large rotary mortar system that has coordinates punched into guide it, it uses a magic crystal to triangulate a range. On the stage with Maitthais, I see the people from the transport on the stage. Hands chained and blindfolded as they are separated into three groups, and one lone person,

The warden walks over to the first and says to them, “Pick a number between one and three. The same number cannot be called twice. I will pick the first in each of your group. Pray they are luckier than when you attempted to run.”

He rips the blindfold off the man in front of the left group. The old man chose one.

“Of course, we must start with one. Guards line them up against the wall.”

The rest of the blindfolded group seems to know what he meant, some of them try to run away but their feet are chained together The warden laughs at them tripping over their own feet. The guards line them up against the wall to my left. Underneath the peak of the mountain, I see the bullet holes and blood-stained cinder block, covering the sandbags beneath. I breathe in count to four then exhale. The guards start firing into the crowd, I hear the noise of puking behind me, I turn around and see Oswald pale as a ghost, poor kid.

Before the rest of the prisoners have gathered themselves Maitthais rings out, “Next group choose your number! Please try to be interesting.”

The next group is a young woman who chooses three, Matthais I feel has quite the ego.

“Really? Three? That’s the hill you choose to die on? Going against me after I said to start with one, then naturally of course. You would go with two. Fine. Three! Throw them in the pit. And somebody get the caster in there to take its chains off already! I passed it on my way, you don't feel safe about it, that's fine but do your job or you’re next.”

Un-fucking-fortunatly, I'm standing right in front of the pit, and I'm not going to slink back or draw any attention by moving. I see the caster walk in from the hallway on the right side of the courtyard. His arm’s exposed, more scar than flesh. The runes run along every inch of his arms thinking of the pain to get that would make most second guess how worthwhile the magic is, not me. I wish the tower chose me to gain the power of a caster. His eyes are blindfolded but he seems to know where he’s going as if he could see. He drop’s into the pit then pulls the chains off in one fast motion, the cultist spins in the air and hits the ground with a thud. Just as quickly as he entered the pit he leapt out. Another pain in the ass for a breakout.

The second group is tossed in and the cultist starts laughing on the ground. The tower’s runes look like a joke compared to what the demonic cultists carve into their own flesh and even bone. Their powers are less tamed than the ones we use and cost them their sanity. The cultist stands up from the ground rising directly from only its legs while the rest of the body is limp. I can't even tell what this thing used to be. Almost inhuman. Its skin, if I can even call it that, looks burnt, crisp, and black with thin strings of red flesh exposed. It now fully stood up, its torso and head leaned forward of its legs. It slowly straightens its back. Its face is smoothed over as if it too was melted, it flashes a smile with bright white teeth, then it darts forwards with a speed similar to the Tallmen, it pierces the stomach of the poor young woman who chose the number, with his hand. With a sickening squelch; cracking and popping the cultist drags out the spine of the young woman. All while the rest of the group screams in terror, the cultist just smiles blindly and continues on.

I breathe in count to four then exhale.

It darts behind another and puts him in a chokehold with one arm. It uses its second hand to stab through the jaw and pulls it off slowly, with a terrified gasp as he can’t get a scream out of an even worse gurgling noise coming shortly after with the removal of his jaw, his lower tongue flops about. I breathe in count to four then exhale. The next few suffer similar fates, one gets their head squashed like a grape in its grasp. I breathe in count to four then exhale. Another young boy probably around Oswald's age gets grabbed by their foot and bashed against the wall repeatedly. At first, he cried out for his mother, shortly after his words started slurring together then stopped being words at all. I breathe in count to four then exhale. The last one gets grabbed by both arms and torn off like breaking a twig off a young tree. I breathe in count to four then exhale. The caster from earlier looks down at it, then summons a large pillar of fire out of the ground, burning not only the cultist and his victims but the scene into my mind as well.

#creative writing #long post #diselpunk #fantasy #gore trigger warning #dark fantasy #webnovel

0 notes

euclydya · 2 years

Text

lomv the smel of hand san

. should not but it stims the nose goodly.

#talky #yes i am Aware it burns ue braincells but get this! i was born without Any. so i am exempt from that. <3 JWKWKAKSSK #we have like. 2 tiny lil clippable hand sanitizer things tht mom got from. what the fuck was that noise.#why are people awake at almost 2 am i know the house is full of insomniacs but why are THEY also awake???#anyways.#mom got some tiny hand sanitizer things from The bathplace store the one yknow. w the bath bombs n shit? that place #and bc they're like 1¢ each she got loke 5 ten. 10? 5? around there #and she gave me 2 of em ONE OF THEM IS RAINBOW i know i Know. bur i am Queergay so idc i ak Not immune to rainbow capitalism (derogatory)#BUT ANYWAY!!!!#i m just. laying hwre #and my toxic trait is Hand San to Stim. i pit hand san on and then Ingest the Scent from afar bc i am insane inkmow #But anywAYS!!!;;;!!!!!!!!!#THE POINT IS!NJ #i was liek. what if i mixed. ALL the handsan it eyezer inhave in my room?#AND LEMME TELL YOU!#THAT HAD A SCENT. IT WAS A SMELL!#SMELLING OF CHEMICALS BURNS AND ALSO FRUIT. WACK!#for the record i am not Only insane but i have virtually zero sense of smell left and things like hand sanitizer are one of the few things #that i can Smell with my Nose. 2hich MIGHT explain why its one of the Forbidden Skents imlike #along with spray paint. and gasoline. and general cleaning supplies? and air freshener i love that shit. too bad it fuckjgb.#stains the walls. after it gets everywhere.#'im banning air freshener bc it collects on the walls and it's hell to clean :/' hell! hell!! hell!!!#ANNYwaYS!NNN!!!_?#so. anyways! anywanywamywahsnaayayayaya. if u mix multiple scented hand sanitizes together u WILL . get a Shrimp Smell #it's like shrimp colours only nose version!#. this explains a kot ablut me ni wonder I'm stupid. I'm burning my brain with chemical scent. neat #(i do not do this often or on purpose usually 4 thee record. ok goodnight)

4 notes · View notes

heavenlyhischier · 3 years

Text

only when you're high - rafe cameron

word count: 4.3k

summary: Rafe only ever talks to you when he's high, and you've eventually had enough.

warnings: angst i guess, language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, lil makeout sesh at the end

note: ik this isn't the request but i've been working on this for a while so here ya go <3 this is def not my best writing so dont judge it too harshly

3:53 a.m.

You had been dreaming about your cat taking over a world full of people with fish heads when the incessant ringing from your phone jolted you awake. You blindly flung your hand onto the nightstand, knocking over a half empty water bottle and a bottle of ibuprofen before your fingers grazed the cool screen. You picked up the device, nearly blinding yourself when you opened your eyes to see who was calling you at such an ungodly hour. Once your eyes adjusted to the screen’s brightness, the name ‘Stupid Kook’ was displayed across the top. You hesitantly swiped to answer.

“What in the flying fuck do you want,” You whisper yelled, propping your half-conscious body up with your elbow.

“Hey, baby,” He greeted, his voice dragging as if he was thinking too hard about his words. “Just wanted to hear your voice.”

You stopped breathing for a moment, not sure what you were supposed to say to his weird revelation. You had been having a weird thing with Rafe for a few months now. After many drinks, you would often finding yourself making out with him in a secluded area. Despite your random make out sessions, he had never once called you to simply hear your voice. In fact, he hadn’t even called you before. It was usually always a quick ‘wyd’ text at midnight and nothing more.

“That’s weird, you’ve never called me before,” You pointed out, “You’ve also never called me baby before, so what’s that about?”

“Mm, I don’t know. Always wanted to call you that before so why not? What are you up to, baby,” He asked, his words slurring together in a way that could only happen while under the influence.

“You’re high aren’t you,” You sighed. Of course, he was high. You should have known that from the get-go. Rafe Cameron wouldn’t have called you sober; he never even looked at you sober.

A brief silence hung over the line, Rafe’s heavy breathing being the only thing coming through the receiver. “Maybe a little. Had a rough day, so I went to see Barry and now I’m at Topper’s. Talking to you.”

You couldn’t help but let a small smile grace your features; a smile that was gone almost as soon as it came. You let your elbow fall from its position, your head falling back onto the pillow that was still warm from when you were asleep. “How sweet of you. What are you doing, anyways? Shouldn’t you be getting shitfaced and taking some innocent girl to bed?”

He let out an airy laugh before speaking. “The only one I’d like to take to bed is you, and we somehow always stop before it gets to that point. Anyways, it’s just me, Topper, and Kelce, and I started thinking about us in the back of my truck when we were outside. Before I knew what I was doing, you answered the phone.”

Your cheeks flared red as images of Rafe’s hands exploring your body flashed through your mind, the feeling of his ring on your skin igniting something inside of you. His mouth latching onto the sensitive spots of your neck as your moans filled his truck. You let your fingers ghost over your lips as if you could still feel his own on yours. More memories of him exploring your body in every way but the way you wanted him most were running through your mind. Every time you wanted to give in to him, give in to your urges, but you couldn’t.

“You know, I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want you and I hate it,” He started, his words still slow, “I hate it because you’ll never let me have you.”

“Rafe,” You groaned, running a hand over your tired face, “I don’t really feel like giving myself to someone who only talks to me when they’re drunk or high. Someone who would rather be caught dead than with a pouge.”

“You know it’s not like that, baby. It’s complicated,” He tried, and you could tell there was a hint of unfamiliar panic in his voice.

“It always is. Guess I’ll see or talk to you next time you get fucked up. Goodnight Rafe,” You whispered before hanging up on the boy, ignoring his desperate protests.

1:38 a.m.

You turned the shower water off before stepping out onto the cool tiled floor, water dripping from every part of your body. You chose to ignore the buzzing coming from your phone, moving to grab the towel hung on the back of your bathroom door. However, the buzzing started again as you were drying off your legs.

“Who the fuck,” You groaned as you wrapped the towel around your still wet body. ‘Stupid Kook’ was making a second appearance, much to your surprise. “Yes, Rafe?”

“What’s up your ass,” He laughed his infectious laugh. You could picture him throwing his head back and his glazed over eyes twinkling with amusement, something you had only seen when you found yourself admiring him from afar.

“Nothings up my ass. Just don’t know what your high ass wants this time.” You gripped your phone in your hand and started to walk back towards your room. Your parents had fallen asleep hours ago, so you had to make sure you were quiet. However, that deemed difficult in the darkest hours of the night in your already poorly lit house. You bumped your hip and stubbed your toe on just about anything that was out in the open. Once you were in your room, you hastily shut the door and flipped the light switch on.

“Hello! Hello! Hello! Where are you,” Rafe yelled, making you wince and pull the phone away from your ear.

“Jesus, dude. Calm down, I was walking back to my room,” You chastised, doing your best to hold your phone in between your ear and shoulder.

“What were you doing? I missed you,” He pouted.

You ignored the swelling you got in your heart and said, “I was leaving the bathroom. I just finished showering. What are you doing?”

You grabbed a clean pair of underwear and a shirt you had taken from JJ after you had thrown up over whatever you were wearing that night. Rafe began telling you what he was doing, which was quite literally nothing. However, he quickly dove into a spout of how you were naked and wet and how badly he wanted to see you without any clothes on. Your cheeks were burning as he went on and on about all of the sinful things he wanted to do to you. You let him ramble on a bit more as you turned the light off once you were clothed and ready for bed.

“Okay, that’s enough, Rafe,” You stopped him, pulling your blanket back so you could crawl in bed. “So, calling me two times within a week? You falling in love with me?”

It was so painfully obvious that it was a joke, but you could practically feel the tension radiating through your phone from Rafe’s end. His abrupt silence concerned you because this boy was far from silent when he was doped out.

“Maybe I am,” He finally got out, and you couldn’t detect any sarcasm in it.

“Sure you are,” You rolled your eyes, blaming exhaustion for briefly clouding your judgment, “If you were in love with me, you’d actually talk to me when you aren’t too fucked to remember your own name.”

You started picking at a loose thread on your blanket as you let your mind wander to what life would be life if you had an actual relationship with Rafe. Going to parties with him. Hanging around the Island Club with him and his friends. Him doing lines off your body before having his way with you.

“I will talk to you when I’m not high,” His voice broke you from your thoughts, “If that’s what you really want.”

“I do,” You said way too quickly, “I mean, yeah sure. That would be nice, I guess.”

“Just text me and I’ll answer.” You couldn’t stifle the yawn that escaped your lips, but you did try and hide it from Rafe. Your attempt was no good, though. “You’re tired, go to bed.”

“No, I’m fi-.”

“Goodnight, Y/N,” Rafe shouted over you, “Talk to you soon, baby.”

Rafe’s name popped up on your phone screen every few days after he had gotten drunk out of his mind or too high to do anything other than find your contact. You didn’t mind it at first, but after you had texted him during the day and those messages went unanswered, you grew hurt and annoyed. You had tried asking him why he wouldn’t respond, but he always found a way to change the subject. You wanted to ask him about it in person, but you hadn’t seen him in almost a month. You wanted to ask him why he couldn’t bother to pick up the phone when he was sober, but wasted no time in calling you as soon as he got his bump in.

One of the nights he called, you offered to have him come over because your parents were gone, but he said no. Made up some excuse about how he was staying with Topper for a while since Sarah cheated on him and he wanted to be there for his friend. You understood that, so you didn’t push him after that. Then, the next time you told him about a party everyone was going to and how you wanted to see him there. You even told him to bring the other two. That time he told you he was staying away from parties for a while, wanting to stay to himself for the most part due to the constant stress from his dad. You knew how Ward could be sometimes, so it wasn’t hard to believe him and move on from there.

You wanted to be mad to him for only acknowledging you when he was high, but you couldn’t be. You’ve always wanted to feel wanted by somebody, and he made you feel like that albeit only when he was far gone from reality. You could deal with it as long as you got to talk to him, no matter how insecure it made you. Well, you thought you could.

2:25

Your parents were gone for the night, so you opted to watch Marvel movies in the living room. You were so invested in watching Iron Man and shoving popcorn in your mouth that you didn’t feel your phone go off the first six times. Or the fifteen times after that. Not that you would have cared either way. You knew the only person it could be was the boy who never wanted you sober. The credits began rolling across the TV, so you finally decided to pick up your discarded phone. You were shocked to see Rafe had called you eight times and texted you thirteen. Overall, his texts said the same thing.

Why aren’t u answering me :(

Call me pls

I wanna talk to you baby

It was if he knew you were finally looking at your phone because his contact popped up not ten seconds later. You rolled your eyes, but reluctantly answered.

“Y/N! Where have you been,” He whined into the receiver, “I’ve been trying to call you for like two hours.”

“Watching movies,” Your words were sharp and short, not particularly wanting to talk to him right now. You’ve nearly reached your breaking point with him.

Rafe could immediately tell something was off with you by the way you sounded. “What’s wrong, baby? Are you okay?”

You took a deep breath in, setting your bowl of popcorn on the coffee table after you paused the end credit scene. You leaned forwards and planted your elbow on your knee as you held your head in annoyance.

“I’m fine, Rafe. I’m just getting fed up with you only wanting to talk to me when you’re high or drunk,” You started, “I used to be fine with it because it once every couple of weeks, but now it’s almost every day and it’s annoying. You told me to text you when you’re sober, and I did, but you never responded. I try and offer to come over to you or have you come to me, but you always have an excuse. I know you want to be there for Topper and you don’t really want to be around anyone right now, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with it.”

“Y/N, I know, and I’m sorry. It’s just-It’s complicated. Please understand that,” He was practically begging you to listen to him.

“Rafey, are you coming back to play beer pong with us,” A female voice suddenly cut through the sudden sound of music.

Your breathing stopped and your heart felt like it was being squeezed by Rafe’s own hand. A wave of heartbreak crashed over your entire body. “‘I just don’t want to be around anyone’ huh? Thought you were just spending time with Topper for a while? You know, if you didn’t want to see me, all you had to do was say so,” You whimpered, hurt now mixing with your anger and annoyance.

“No, wait,” He tried, yelling at whoever came in the room to get out, “Y/N, please. It isn’t lik-“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. It is like that, Rafe. It is exactly like that. You don’t want to see me, and that is fine. I get it. Why would you ever want to be seen with someone from the Cut? It doesn’t matter, though. Don’t call me anymore. You lied to me. That is not something that I can forgive,” Your tears were too strong to hold back now, “I don’t care for liars, Rafe Cameron, and you’re the biggest one of all.”

You quickly hung up and turned off your phone, throwing it towards the end of the couch so you weren’t tempted to grab it. You grabbed the large blanket from the back of the couch, picked another movie, and let your tears fall as it played in front of you.

“Honey,” Your moms gentle voice broke through, “You fell asleep on the couch.”

You slowly opened your eyes, letting them adjust to the bright light shining through the giant window. The headache hit you like a ton of brinks, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut in pain. Your mom was hovering over you, her hand on your shoulder and her soft eyes pretending to not notice how puffy your cheeks and red your eyes are.

“I guess so,” You mumbled, pushing yourself up into a sitting position, “I’ll go lay down in my room. I’m still tired.”

She gave you an understanding nod with a caring smile and helped you off the couch. Her hand lingered on your back as if she wanted to say something to you, but she decided to leave it alone for now. You would talk to her when you were ready, if you ever were. You gave her a thumbs up when she told you her and your father would be out again most of the day.

Your feet dragged as you stumbled back to your room, using the wall to keep you steady. You pushed the door open with your foot and gave your cat, who was laying on your bed as if she owned it, a stupid smile. You fell onto the bed and pulled her onto your chest as you turned your phone back on. You were scared to confront the actions from last night, but knowing Rafe, he probably wouldn’t have bothered to even send you a text about it. You were quickly proven wrong the moment your phone turned back on. The vibration from all of the texts, voicemails, and snapchats felt like it lasted for five straight minutes. Nearly all were from the boy you wanted nothing to do with. Although, you noticed a voicemail from Topper, who you forgot even had your number.

Um, hey its Topper. Look dude, I don’t know what happened, but Rafe is freaking out like a bitch right now. He keeps mumbling shit about how he fucked things up with, which I didn’t even know you two were a thing but whatever I don’t really care. He kicked everyone out of my house and has been calling and texting you for like thirty minutes straight now so please call him back, so he shuts the fuck up. If not for him, do it for my sanity before I kill him. Uh, yeah, thanks, bye.

You sighed deeply after the voicemail cut off, your heart rate increasing at the thought of Rafe being upset. If he was bad enough that Topper of all people called you, you knew it was bad. You wanted to not care because of how he made you feel, but you did. You’ve always cared about the blond boy more than you cared to admit. You finally decided to look at the messages he sent you.

Y/N pls call me back

I’m sorry its not what it looks like and I know that sounds stupid but its true

Pls talk to me. I need u to talk to me

I promise that I never wanted to hurt u ok???

I love you, Y/N. Please call me or I’m coming to your house tomorrow.

The world stopped spinning when you read the last message. You kept reading it over and over again as if you misread it the first time. Rafe had never been any kind of affectionate with you until he called you baby. Rafe Cameron was not someone known to get emotional, so you weren’t sure if you believed his words. He was a liar and would do anything to get what he wanted, so what was different now?

You heard a knock on the door followed by your moms muffled voice, but you were too focused on the situation in front of you to notice who it was. Your eyes were glued to the screen, staring at the three words you never thought anyone other than your family and friends would say to you. The world around you was fading away, your heart feeling as if it was going to beat out of your chest as tears slid down your still puffy cheeks. You weren’t going to let him do this to you. You weren’t going to let him toy with you anymore.

“Y/N,” A deep voice dragged you out of your subconscious.

Your eyes darted over to the door and saw the last person you wanted to see. Rafe was standing there, his eyes wide and blood shot and he looked like total shit. His hair was a wild mess, nothing like its usual tamed state. You met his gaze and you wished you hadn’t. One look from him and you were puddy in his hands. One look and every thought you had about never seeing him again flew out the window.

“Hey, can we talk,” He mumbled, his bright blue eyes looking everywhere but at you. “Please.”

Not trusting your words, you gave him a swift nod and gestured to the spot next to you on your bed. You leaned to the side and placed your cat on the ground, watching as she rubbed herself all over Rafe’s leg before scampering away. His walk to your bed was painfully slow, and you wanted to tell him to hurry up, but you knew that was unreasonable.

“What do you want, Rafe,” Your voice was harsh, trying to ignore the urge to reach out to him. “What do you want to talk about? How you only use me for your own pleasure? How you only ever even look at me when you’re drunk or high? How you lied to me? Wanna talk about that?”

Your anger surprised even yourself. One second you wanted to hold him in your arms and comfort him, but then the memory of how he treated you came back and flipped a switch in your brain. You don’t know how you feel and you hate it.

“I deserve every bit of your anger,” He breathed out, letting his hand fall dangerously close to your own, “But please let me explain everything to you, okay?”

“Fine,” You gave in, “Talk.”

“Yeah, thank you, okay. I really do want to talk to you when I’m not absolutely fucked, I do. I know that it doesn’t seem like that, but its true. I just, I can’t. Every time I look at you, think about you, I hear my dads voice screaming at me that I will never be good enough for anyone. I have this thought drilled into my head every day that no matter what I do, who I am, I am just never enough. To me, you’re no exception to that. In fact, you remind me even more. Wait no.”

Rafe rubbed both of his hands over his face and tugged at his hair, afraid that he’s already fucking this up. “Rafe,” You gently spoke up, turning to grab his hands from his face. “It’s fine. Keep going.”

His eyes met yours and you could see how strained he was. There were too many emotions swirling in his eyes for you to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling. “Okay, um, okay. To me, you are way too good for me, so the only time I feel comfortable talking to you is when I’m high. I’ve never had trouble talking to any girl before, but you’re more than that to me. You’re more than just some girl to me and it scares me, so I feel like I have to be, yanno, not me. When I talk to you. I want to be with you more than I have ever wanted to be with someone in my life”

Your hand was still holding his as you let his words sink in. Him revealing how his dad truly made him feel made your heart ache for him. It made you want to grab him by the face and tell him how he is more than good enough. You wanted to let him in, but you weren’t sure if you were ready for the risk that came along with it. You’re not sure if you want all the things that came with being with Rafe Cameron. He’s followed by hurt and lies, and you do feel guilty thinking that, but it’s been proven true countless times.

“Rafe, listen to me,” You began, moving so you were straddling him and holding his face in your hands. His hands immediately came to grip your hips, and you are well aware that this was a more than compromising situation. “I understand that your father is probably the worst person we both know, but that doesn’t excuse you lying to me. I don’t know if I can trust you, no matter how much I may want to.”

You watched as tears gather in his eyes, and he was doing his best to keep them at bay. He had never felt the way he feels about you before, and he’s more than aware that his reputation precedes him. He knows that he’s done nothing more than prove how untrusting he is to you, but he wouldn’t let that stop him from trying to prove to you that he means what he’s saying.

“I know that nothing I say will fix what I’ve already done. I know that, but I can show you just how much you mean to me, if you’ll let me. We can go at your pace. Do things your way. Just, please, give me another chance to prove myself to you.”

You’re searching for any detection of a lie in his eyes, in his voice, but you come up empty. You wipe away the stray tears that broke through his wall of protection. You hesitantly placed your forehead on his, and you could hear him take in a sharp breath at the connection. Your eyes fluttered closed, your nose brushing against his as you weighed all of your options.

“Did you mean what you to me? In your last text,” You whispered, too scared to open your eyes and look at him. “Do you actually love me?”

“More than you know,” His breath was hot against your chin, and he pulled you closer into him.

You decided to take a leap, dive into something that scared you more than anything. Your lips finally met his, and Rafe wasted no time in returning the feeling. Your hands fell from his cheeks and clasped each other behind his neck, while his hands stayed placed on your hips, too scared to push you too far. You deepened the passion filled kiss by pulling him closer to you and running your tongue across his bottom lip. Rafe’s lips moved in such a sensual way that you almost didn’t know how to react. It was much different from the lust filled kisses you’ve shared in the past. You started moving your hips on top of him, an action that had him gripping your hips tighter than before.

Y/N,” Rafe breathed out after he broke away from you, “If you don’t stop, I don’t know if I can control myself.”

“Then don’t.”

i have not edited this so if you see a mistake lmk. love u

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #drew starkey #drew starkey imagine #obx #obx imagine #outer banks #outer banks imagine

402 notes · View notes

henry-and-the-seven-lords · 3 years

Text

I have had this song stuck in my head for DAYS and I think about the Brothers everytime I hear it... so here is some little song blurbs.

I Don't Miss You at All

Inspiration ~ I Don't Miss You at All by FINNEAS

Find the full Lyrics Here.

Brothers Masterlist | Dateables Masterlist

💙 Lucifer

But I think our song is comin' on

And now I wanna crash the car

But I won't

Make that mistake again and fall

Lucifer sits in his office after another long day listening to his favorite record with a cup of Demonus in his hand. He swirls the liquid as the song he was listening to comes to an end. Slowly the next one begins. He closes his eyes and takes in the harmonic sound. Opening his eyes, he realizes why this song is so important to him.

Lucifer guided the human in the waltz for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Can we please have one more dance, Lucifer?"

He sighs staring at their big pleading eyes. It almost makes him want to say yes, "I have work, MC. Maybe after."

They rush to him grabbing his sleeve before quietly speaking, "Please?"

His eyes prick with hot tears at the memory. Without a thought he stands up, making his way over to the machine before snapping the record in half.

Upon realization of his actions, Lucifer collapses. Hot tears streaming down his face at what he has lost.

💛 Mammon

I don't get distracted by your smile

And miss the green lights drivin' home

No sign of stoppin'

The house isn't far

Mammon had gone out driving to blow off some steam after Lucifer threatened him. He was going pretty fast until he saw the light turn yellow and began to stop.

As he stopped at the red light, he his attention to the passenger seat out of habit expecting to find an awaiting MC.

"How about we play a game. At every red light, I ask you a question and you have to answer." MC smiled at him as the car slowed to a stop.

He turned his gaze to them, gently putting his hand on the side of their seat, "Sure, ask away."

A small smile crossed his face as he watched them think of a question.

"What was your favorite birthday and why?" MC turned to him with a smile as they awaited his answer.

"Hmm," Mammon thought hard before finally remembering, "Probably my 1,500th. We were still in the Celestial Realm at the time and all the angels sang happy birthday to me. It was really nice." A blush filled his face at the thought of all that attention.

MC gently touched his arm pulling him out of his thoughts, "It sounds amazing."

Mammon is pulled out of his memory by incessant honking behind him. With a quick glance he sees that about ten cars have gotten in line behind him.

He looks up at the light and sees it's green. He puts his foot on the gas, speeding through red lights, going as fast as he can back to the House of Lamentations as hot tears fly off his face in the cold wind.

🧡 Leviathan

But I won't

Break down at 2 AM and call

'Cause I don't

Miss you at all

Levi stares at the computer screen at it flashes the words "Two Player" at him.

His brain slowly rakes through all his friends u til he glances over at his D.D.D.

Levi looks down at his phone to see a message from MC.

MC: I can't finish this mission unless I have a player two... are you busy?

Levi smiles. Before sending his own response.

Levi: Are you sure it isn't just to use me for my levels?

MC responds with a shocked reaction before sending another message.

MC: Of course not! If I am being honest, I can't sleep and I wanted a distraction.

Another smile spreads across his face at the thought of MC coming to him for help over his brothers.

Levi: My door is open, but you better know the password!

Levi begins to reach for his phone, but hesitates before pulling his hand away.

His hand slowly travels back to his controller as he exits out of the game with tears in his eyes.

💚 Satan

All but forgotten

About those eyes

The shade of green that if he'd seen

Would make F. Scott Fitzgerald cry

Satan splashes water on his faces quickly before looking up into the mirror. The demon stares back at himself before he meets his striking green eyes and freezing.

"Satan, your eyes are so vibrant." He chuckles at the human's comment as they stand behind him in the mirror.

His eyes trail their body before focusing on their eyes in the mirror.

"Well I think yours are just as striking." He smirks at them as he watches them blush and chuckle.

"Sure. But mine aren't as amazing as yours. I could see authors writing using thousands of words to describe just how beautiful they are." Their eyes are dreamy as they stare deep into his eyes.

Satan's face contorts into one of frustration and anger as he stares into his own green irises.

His hand moves without warning as it balls into a fist and moves towards the mirror with all his force. A scream emerges from his throat as well as his knuckles make contact with the reflective glass causing it to shatter.

He stares again at the now broken mirror, a fraction of its former self. In one swift movement, he washes his now cut hands of blood before pushing his hair back and leaving the mess behind him as his eyes begin to sting.

💖 Asmodeus

'Cause, no, I can't

Recall your scent

Jasmine, tuberose, and lily

Or your silly French accent

Asmo was taking inventory of his perfumes and colognes as he does every month. As he makes his way through each scent he comes across one that is all too familiar to him.

"Asmo! This one smells amazing! How did you know I love jasmine, lily and tuberose?" MC gently held the glass bottle in their hand as they sprayed it on their wrists again.

"I have my ways. I even bought one for myself so when people on the street see us, they know we are together." Asmo smiled as he stared at them happily gazing at the bottle.

"I really do love it Asmo. Thank you." Their eyes sparkled with adoration as they looked deeply into his.

Asmo narrows his eyes at the bottle before spraying it on his wrists and putting it away.

He walks away with a scowl on his face, giving up his previous need to inventory his scents. But for the rest of his night, he smells his wrists and let's out a small sob after.

❤ Beelzebub

And I barely still remember

Who's in the pictures on my wall...

...And it feels so good

Eating alone

Beel pulls out his instant Ramen from the microwave. Carefully he makes his way to the table with the delicacy in his hands.

He begins to prepare to eat as the intoxicating aroma hits his nostrils and sends him deep into a memory.

MC carried their own bowl of Ramen up to their room as Beel followed slowly behind them, "Come on Beel I want to show you my new photos while we eat!"

When the two finally get to MC's room the sit on the floor. Beel begins to slurp his noodles as MC grabs photos and thrusts them into Beel's face.

"Don't they look great?" Their voice was filled with excitement as Beel stared at himself during a Fangol game.

He slowly nods as he takes a sip of the broth.

"I am glad you like it. I want to take pictures of all seven of you every week and then put them on my wall."

He looked up to see past pictures as he began to hear them slurp next to him.

Beel takes a quickly look around the room only to find himself alone before he looks down at his Ramen. He sighs.

He still digs in with just as much fervor, bit it tastes saltier than he remembers as his cascading tears mix with the noodles.

💜 Belphegor

And I'm sleepin' fine

I don't mean to boast

But I only dream about you

Once or twice a night at most

Belphie squeezes the warm mass in his arm before opening his eyes and seeing MC's back. He smiles at the human in his arm.

"Is my little human still sleepy?" His voice is hoarse from the lack of use.

MC giggles as they roll over and stare him in the eyes, "Nope!" After they finished speaking, MC bolts from his arms with a smile on their face.

Belphie lurches awake with a start. Frantically he looks around the dark attic for the figure he just saw in his dream before he starts patting the bed.

"MC!? MC!?"

After a minute or so of frantic searching, he is confident he is alone.

Tears prick the corners of his eyes and he turns his gaze to the ceiling.

Loud screams fill the room as Belphie begins to pound the bed with his fists. And just as fast as it began, it stops. Belphie falls back onto the plush pillows and returns to his slumber.

402 notes · View notes

thesunicarusfellfor · 3 years

Note

hello!!can you do a part two of your Yandere!Tommy x Reader x Yandere!Tubbo Headcanons/Fic ?! i loved it!!

It amazes me how this became a fan favourite OVERNIGHT like daaaaamn!

This one is gonna be split into parts around the end, so like what happens if you choose Tubbo/Tommy/Neither/Both

(f/l) = first letter of your name

(N/n) = nickname

(f/f) = Favourite flowers

Eggpire does not exist

ALSO. The last Route (Neither) I wrote is shorter because apparently, Tumblr wants to crash after you surpass 10k words, but I could write a continuation fic of Neither that might turn into another x reader? Just platonic? Not sure. Remember, I will always write a continuation of a fic if ever asked.

TW: Yandere, Explosions, Burns, Scars, Manipulation, Mention of Painkillers and being drowsy on them, brief mention of collapsing

Part one

Yandere!Tommy x GN!Reader x Yandere!Tubbo Headcanon/Fic Part 2

Tommy was furious to see you spending time with anyone that wasn’t him.

But seeing you having an early morning coffee with Ranboo??? Tubbo’s husband???

He was about to light the damn house on fire he was so pissed! That’s not even exaggerating, he would’ve and had you live with him! Although he wouldn’t let you know he did it.

Poor Ranboo was trembling so bad, genuinely fearing for his canon lives.

You quickly got up and stood in Tommy’s sight, prevent him from glaring at your tall friend, although he still didn’t look happy.

Before anyone could say anything else, Tubbo stormed through the door with his sword in his hand and teeth violently grit together.

“So... You weren’t trying to throw me off by writing about going to see them in your memory book,” Tubbo growled softly at his husband causing Ranboo to desperately pull his memory book closer to his chest, tears brimming his eyes. You could understand why, his best friend went through his memory book without his knowledge and possibly went through his other things in an attempt to figure out what he was doing.

“I guess neither of you are loyal...” Tommy grumbled with a roll of his eyes, causing Tubbo to give him a hard jab in the ribs, “Ow! Bloody hell, mate! I’m just saying both of you are going for them without even breaking up first!”

“It’s platonic!” Both Tubbo and Ranboo stated although Ranboo’s voice came out as a tiny and meek protest, rather than Tubbo’s annoyed growl. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Ranboo put his crown back on his head, “I’m-I’m not interested in chasing them, so no... I was just talking to them...” He visibly shrank in on himself as the two boys glared darkly at him, “I... Should go...”

“Hold up.” You pointed at him, making the tall and lanky male stay seated in his spot while you turned back to Tubbo and Tommy, “I know why Ranboo is here. I know why he,” You pointed to Tommy, “Is here. He always kicks down my door early in the morning to do some crazy things. But why are you here?” Moving your finger to point at Tubbo, you noticed his look immediately softened upon you turning your attention towards him.

His cheeks became a light pink and his goat ears fluttered slightly as he put his sword away, “Am I not allowed to visit?” There. There was one of the mood switches and manipulation Ranboo warned you about. “Tommy invited me to L’Manberg, and I heard my beloved platonic husband was in the area as well. Plus Tommy left the door open.”

You blinked a bit, caught off guard by the fact that Tubbo completely brushed over the fact that he was here because he had read Ranboo’s memory book, “Oh, I see... Then shall we all go mining today? We’d be able to get a lot more ores than before!” You smiled, pretending that your two friends didn’t kick down your door and threaten the man who was just trying to protect you.

“With Tubbo and Ranboo?” Tommy growled out in disgust at the thought of you spending time with them, “But (Y/n)! We always go mining on Thursday mornings! It’s our thing. Between just US! Aka, not Tubbo and Ranboo...”

“I- uh, have a meeting with Techno and Phil later today, so I can’t go. Sorry, (Y/n)...” Ranboo murmured, although you could tell by the shakiness of his voice that he wanted nothing more than to run and hide in his panic room.

“I’d love to go!” Tubbo chirped softly, ignoring the audible noise of disgust and annoyance that Tommy made, “Let me just get my stuff from my enderchest.” He walked over to your enderchest and opened it. You didn’t mind too much as you gave everyone full permission to make themselves at home in your house, but you were just a bit shaken up at the moment.

Ranboo quickly got up and scurried out the door, giving you an odd look as he passed by. He looked... Guilty, but his smile was sad and soft, but seemingly affectionate. You knew he would help if these two were scaring you too much.

The two boys brought you to an unpopular mine in the DreamSMP that was filled to the brim with ores.

They were quick to take down any and all mobs that came within any sort of distance to you, recklessly charging without a second thought in attempts to protect you.

While there was intense amounts of fear and tension circling through your veins because of this morning, you did quickly grow to have fun with the banter between these two.

Even Tommy and Tubbo were having fun bickering, almost seeming to forget the fact that they were in a war with each other. Almost.

The constant fluttering of their hearts and warmth on their cheeks was an easy reminder of what they were fighting for.

Every single ore, gemstone and pretty rock that you looked at, the boys would immediately pick up and put in their bags so you didn’t have to carry it.

When Tommy began to whine about being hungry, you wanted to go back to the surface to eat the food you had packed, but they both thought that was too far.

So, you suggested sitting down in the abandoned mineshaft you had discovered.

“Ooh!” Tubbo squeaked, his ears wiggling as he turned the corner of the mineshaft, “There’s a ravine over here! Let’s eat by the light of the lava so we don’t waste all our torches!”

“Finally! I’m starving!” Tommy tossed his ore-filled bag off of his shoulder and set it against the wall. Once you spread out the thick blanket you had brought on the ground, he plopped himself down and set down his shield and sword, “What do you have for food today, Big/Little (F/l)?”

You hummed as Tubbo sat himself down on the other side of you with a yawn, likely not used to getting up early, “I have... Sandwiches, some fruit slices, berries, y’know, the usual. You tired, Tubbo?” Glancing over at the brunet, you saw him rubbing his eyes with the long sleeve of his brown and yellow striped sweater that you had made him when he first travelled to Snowchester.

“Little bit, yeah. Can I lay against you? Just for a little bit?” He asked softly as you handed Tommy a sandwich, which he practically inhaled in seconds. Once you gave a nod of approval, the smaller boy laid down and curled up with his head against your lap.

Tommy grumbled in annoyance and without thinking much, laid down as well with his head against your leg too. When you gave him a small questioning look as this was highly out character for him, but he simply just mumbled about how you were definitely more comfortable than the rocks.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, unconsciously playing with their hair as you glanced around the stone walls for any untouched ores, but by now both boys were asleep and you didn’t feel like waking them up. Taking your time, you began to consider your situation now that you knew both boys were smitten with you and practically willing to hurt anyone who came in contact with you.

Tubbo’s mood switches scared you, a lot, and you were worried that him being the nice and blushing boy you had met a few years ago was nothing but an act and that all the gifts were an attempt to lure you in or distract you from his violent tendencies. You had watched him walk into your house, eyes blank and filled with rage towards his platonic soulmate for talking to you without his knowledge, and you were worried that soon that rage would be directed at you for doing something he didn’t like.

Tommy’s violent tendencies were just as scary though, so he wasn’t in the clear in your eyes either. While he did shape up a lot from when you first met, he still had a tendency to bark insults at you and hurt your feelings, which you hope is unintentional. He also often tried to threaten people and keep them away from you, like Eret or Niki who got yelled at and a tad bit injured after they had given you gifts or offered to bring you somewhere cool... They didn’t really spend time with you anymore after that... You missed them and didn’t want the same thing to happen to Ranboo.

But, this couldn’t go on forever. You couldn’t just run... and you knew very well that rejecting either of the two would cause the other to lash out severely, to the point where the one you chose, you, and your friends were in major trouble. It’s not like you could choose both right? ...Right? Then again... Choosing both would potentially cause tension to stir up again between the two best friends.

Your train of thought was violently derailed when you heard a hard thud a few meters in front of you. With a small gasp, you looked up and saw a creature of varying different shades of green slowly looking around before a few more thuds followed behind it. Before you could even think of waking the two boys, the green creature began to run at you quickly with its four legs.

A creeper.

A terrified cry left your lips and suddenly the weight on your lap vanished. Now awake, Tommy immediately grabbed his shield and used it alongside his body weight to slam into the creeper backwards into a small horde of zombies that had dropped down with it. “Get up you dumbass! Are you tryin’ to die?!” The blond yelled at you as Tubbo, who had also sprung up at the sound of your fear, began firing arrows at the group of mobs.

Once you got over your shock, you grabbed your axe and shield before quickly jumping to your feet and charging into battle. The zombie you had chosen to fight gurgled and swiped and gnashed its teeth together at you as you used your shield to block its hits. Backing up a few steps, you slashed your axe at the undead mob and took out its bottom jaw with the black blade, gleaming with an enchantment that set the creature on fire. The smell of burning rotten flesh caused you to gag and scrunch up your nose before you used your shield to shove it into the pit of lava at the bottom of the ravine.

Laughing softly in triumph, you turn around to help Tubbo and Tommy, only to let out another gasp of shock as you saw the very creeper that had been shoved away earlier had now returned with a vengeance. And it was mere inches away from your face.

There wasn’t much you could do except barely raise your shield in time to block a good majority of the explosion from damaging your body, launching chunks of stone outwards and off the edge of the ravine.

And you as well.

“(Y/n)!!!” Tubbo’s voice echoed through the stone cavern as you felt yourself get launched backwards before beginning to fall, gravity quickly beginning to grasp onto you and drag you down towards the lava below.

Reaching out, to grab onto anything that would stop you from falling, but to no avail. Your mind barely registered Tommy and Tubbo running towards you before you shut your eyes tightly, silently praying to whatever or whoever to save you.

Then you stopped dead in the air, something wrapped around your arms and hands.

Taking a deep breath, you opened your eyes and looked up to see the human and a goat hybrid that had been laying with their heads in your lap just minutes ago, were now desperately grasping one arm each, preventing you from falling to the end of one of your canon lives. Both of their blue eyes were filled with tears that were dripping down their faces and hitting the molten rock at the bottom of the ravine as they struggled to pull you up.

Once you felt the solid ground below you, you finally managed to take a few breaths to calm yourself down as you felt tight arms wrap around you on either side, barely able to comprehend the sobs of terror from your savours. The dull burning and throbbing pain on your cheek were enough to bring you down to reality and carefully wrap your arms around the two wailing teens as they desperately clung to you, almost as if you were going to vanish right below their fingertips.

Tommy was the first to gather himself and pull himself away from your good shoulder and rub his eyes free of tears to look at the new injuries covering your body and your busted armour, “F-fuck... We’re gonna have to get you to Phil to get those burns patched up...” He sniffled, trying to act like he wasn’t just bawling his eyes out over you nearly losing a canon life. For once, he didn’t seem to mind Tubbo clinging onto you and wailing into your side as you pet his hair, trying to calm him down.

Tubbo refused to let go of you for the next hour as you travelled out of the mine, his arms desperately wrapped around your waist/shoulders. (Depending on your height)

Tommy also held onto your non-burnt hand, that once held your shield, as he carried yours and his bag, leading you both back the way you came

If another mob came out to fight, it was almost a guarantee that one of them would run forward and the other would lightly push you into a corner, then proceed to block you from view via a shield and their body,

Even if you thought that you were in a decent enough condition to fight, the one shielding you would only look at you sadly and shake their head, saying something about the explosion burns along your (s/t) skin.

Once you had gotten out of the mine, it was around 6pm, and the sun was going down, but luckily Tommy had sent a message to Philza, his father, about the situation, so he was prepared and already at Tommy’s house, which was the closest to the mine.

It wasn’t a long walk, but god you were so exhausted..

It got to the point where Tommy and Tubbo were on either side of you, preventing you from collapsing before you got to the home.

Let’s just say, when they opened the door, Philza was already there and immediately panicked upon seeing the injuries covering the one side of you and the state of your armour. (No you were not wearing the god armour Tubbo gave you.)

One of your cheeks and lower jaw were burnt and bleeding, along with your dominant arm and leg that weren’t behind the shield when the explosion went off.

Tommy Route - Mellohi

Because your home still being near L’Manberg and the Prime Path (In this route), it was easier for Tommy to check up on you while you were healing from your injuries.

While you were bedridden, Tommy was a lot, a lot, quieter when he came into your house, never sure whether or not you were sleeping.

If you weren’t, he would eagerly show you something he found, tell you some drama he heard around the area, or tell you about his day. Or just play Mellohi on constant repeat.

If you were asleep, he would silently walk over and check on your bandages or potion supply, (updating Phil if you were low or bleeding from moving too much), or even sit beside you for a little bit to make sure you wouldn’t just stop breathing out of nowhere.

To say he was scared your entire recovery process would be an understatement.

He would rarely let anyone but Phil check on you, definitely nearly blowing his nerve when Ranboo or Tubbo would walk into your house.

If it was Ranboo, we would definitely get picked up and thrown,

If it was Tubbo, he would try and push him out because he knew that threats wouldn’t work on him.

In the situation that he did push Tubbo out, Tommy would immediately lock the door and stay in there for the next few days

For the more likely situation, because we all know how stubborn that goat is, and he wasn’t able to push Tubbo out, Tommy would subtly put a few drops of the sleeping potion Phil made you, into your drink.

When you began to doze off, Tommy would mention it to Tubbo in the most serious voice he could muster. It always worked, because Tubbo wanted what was best for your health.

The absolute minute that Philza deems you stable enough to get off of bed rest, Tommy is by your side in seconds and trying to encourage you to stand up.

When you do get the nerve to try and stand again, he would immediately be holding your good arm, preventing you from falling if your bad leg suddenly gave out.

In the case that you do collapse from your injuries, he would at first be extremely panicked, but then he’d start calling you insulting names and calling you an idiot.

He would bring you on walks all around the DreamSMP to get you used to walking again but would have no problems sitting down again.

That’s a lie.

He would complain a little bit, but if he saw you were genuinely in a lot of pain, he would just shut up and awkwardly ask what he could do.

If you needed anything for pain, he would straight up run to your home and get it, if they already didn’t have it.

The fact that you’re spending so much time with Tommy absolutely infuriates Tubbo, and he tries to guilt-trip you into spending more time with him.

But then Ranboo tells him that you can barely walk down the Prime Path without wanting to cry from the pain of the burns, and he offers to move back to L’Manberg. Or at least what’s left of it.

This sparks an argument between Ranboo and Tubbo almost immediately, but you’re much too tired to try and stop it, instead quietly asking Tommy if he can help go back to your home or to get them out so you could sleep.

He would be glad to.

Like he would do it, with an absolute goofy smile on his face because he basically gets your permission to have your attention all to himself!

When you’re all healed, your relationship between you and Tommy has practically tripled from what it was.

You’re much closer to him than he was to Tubbo, to the point where he has told you everything.

Even about his exile...

Because of your closeness to him, he somehow got even more protective but also calmed down his threats.

Like, now you could talk to Niki and Eret again, but you were not allowed to leave your house at night alone, especially after mobs have spawned.

Hell sometimes if he’s really paranoid, he’ll go to your house and spend the night just to make sure mobs don’t bang on your door or ruin anything.

He straight up took the time out of his life to fence the property around your house off and fill it with torches so things didn’t spawn in.

Sure he’ll call you slightly insulting names, but he makes sure that they wouldn’t be too painful for you before saying them aloud.

Tubbo still tries to be nice and manipulative, which Ranboo tries to stop, but it’s pretty much worthless at this point.

He’s lost.

He knows it, Ranboo knows it, and Tommy damn well brags about it.

Tubbo does end up crying to you quite a bit about it, but you can understand, he’s heartbroken at this point and can’t do anything about it. Tommy and you know about his manipulation tactics, he couldn’t take Tommy’s last life because it would show up on your communicator, and then you would never love him!

Unfortunately, this does cause him to lash out at Ranboo quite a lot which led to their third divorce. Although this one seems quite a bit more permanent, you never know. (Ranboo took Michael)

One evening, Tommy invited you out of the house oddly enough. Even though mobs would be spawning soon? It greatly confused you.

He even asked you to wear nicer clothing? Like a tux or a dress? Either one or both worked in his eyes.

Honestly, you weren’t sure how you were supposed to fight mobs in a fancy outfit, but you trusted him.

“Tommy?” You asked, opening the door as you smoothed out your clothing with your hands and adjusted your hair a tad bit to your liking. It was shocking to see the tall blond nicely cleaned up and wearing a suit, but it was quite a welcome sight!

He nervously adjusted his red tie before holding out a bouquet of perfect (f/f), and cleared his throat, “You... Uh... Clean up nice. I- uh... No- wait... What did Sam say again?” He murmured to himself, “Ah fuck it... You look nice, (Y/n).”

You chuckled as your cheeks flushed a light pink, happily taking the bouquet filled with your favourite flowers, “I’ll put these in a vase and then we can go where you wanna bring me.” With a smile, you quickly placed the flowers in a glass vase filled with water before going back out with Tommy.

“Sh-shall we? Is that a common phrase to say?” He asked as he held out his arm for you to link with his, a habit he picked up from walking you around while you were healing.

“I suppose we shall. Calm down Tommy, no need to be all fancy and stuff around me.” You chirped with a small smiled as you took his arm, linking it with his, “Now, are you going to tell me where we’re going? Or is this supposed to remain a mystery?”

Tomathy visibly relaxed once you told him he didn’t have to be all professional and fancy, beginning to lead you down the Prime Path, “It’s a secret! I worked hard on it too! So you better be grateful or I’ll kick your ass.” He jokingly threatened, smiling a bit as you laughed at his typical attitude.

He led you down the wooden path, the two of you joking the entire way with a goofy smile across your faces. Tommy then took a sudden turn onto a newly made pathway and lead you down it, never answering any questions about it the entire way, even when the buildings turned into a forest. The pathway was lined with fences, and the trees were filled with small hanging lanterns, not only preventing mobs from spawning but also creating a beautiful fairy forest effect.

Seeing your look of awe, he gave a small sheepish laugh, “You like it? Puffy and Sam helped me out with it for the past few days, but this was my idea! And this isn’t even the best part!” He grinned widely before quickly pulling you along again.

The walk wasn’t very long, but it was extremely beautiful. Eventually, he brought you up to a large hill with a massive oak tree where a beautiful picnic was set up, surrounded by lantern light. Even with the lanterns, you were still able to get a clear view of the starry sky above without a single cloud in sight! “Oh my god... Tommy... This is incredible...”

“Innit? Puffy helped me make all the food, but this was my idea. Unless you don’t like it. Then it was Puffy’s idea.” He joked in an attempt to hide his nervousness as he went to ruffle his hair, but then remembered that he had spent a few hours taming it down, so he decided against it.

“I love it! This is so beautiful!” You looked up at him with a bright and happy smile, making him return it with a soft smile of his own, “Come on, oh! There’s a jukebox!” You eagerly pulled him over to the blanket and sat down, taking a look at all the food that had been set out.

The tall male happily took a disc, Mellohi to be precise, out of the enderchest that had been set beside the jukebox, neatly placing it in and pressing the button to make the music play before he sat down beside you. The two of you began to eat the meal that he helped make, joking, laughing and smiling the entire time, having the time of your life. You leaned your head against his shoulder and smiled up at him as you gently held his hand, making him realize even more how important you were to him.

Mellohi, the same song he lost his friend to, was the same song he was listening to while gaining a new important person in his life. You.

The entire night went on with you two eventually falling asleep at the top of the hill, completely unaware of the brown-haired male leaning against a tree. He desperately grasped his shirt where his heart was as tears poured down his shirt.

Tubbo always liked Cat more than Mellohi...

Tubbo Route - Don’t Let Me Fall

Tubbo was so so glad that he had managed to convince (manipulate) you to live in Snowchester when he did. (In this route)

Somehow managed to convince you to live in the mansion, although it was probably done when you were drowsy on the pain killer potion Phil gave you.

This man would completely ignore his own country to make sure you were well taken care of. Like Ranboo literally had to step into power and start working on things and taking care of Michael.

Speaking of the baby zombie piglin, because you were now bedridden and bored out of your mind, Tubbo frequently brought the child in if Ranboo absolutely demanded that he take over for a bit.

The baby absolutely adored you! The injuries on your body reminded you of the ones he got when he travelled to the overworld, so he didn’t feel alone.

Unfortunately because of your constant pain and drowsiness, Tubbo thought it was best that he stayed in his room. Or maybe that was because he didn’t want him getting close to you too?

It was actually extremely rare for Tubbo to let anyone in to visit you. He actually even got incredibly annoyed when even Phil would come over to restock the potions for you or make sure your wounds were healing.

On a normal day, if you were awake, Tubbo would be blabbering on about some story without a care whether or not you were listening. He would most likely be acting the story out as if it were a play, determined to provide you with as much entertainment by himself as he could.

If you were sleeping, he would also be sleeping, although on a few chairs pushed together in your room. There’s a rare time where he will stay up and watch you to make sure you’re breathing still, but that’s only if he’s really scared and paranoid.

Tommy absolutely REFUSES to even look at Snowchester, so you never really got a chance to thank him for saving you.

Although... Tubbo very actively tries to convince you that Tommy didn’t even come to help you when you had fallen and that you had been in shock so that’s why you didn’t remember correctly.

At first, you didn’t believe him, but eventually, with constant repetition, you slowly saw it as the truth. You genuinely began to believe that Tommy hadn’t pulled you up and that it was only Tubbo that did.

After quite a few weeks, Phil told Tubbo that you could finally get out of bed, but Tubbo asked him if he was 100% sure MANY times.

The goat hybrid actually didn’t want you to get out of bed and start walking again, worried that you get up would leave him, so he wasn’t going to tell you.

But Ranboo was the one who told you.

This led to quite a violent argument between Ranboo and Tubbo, but there was nothing Tubbo could do since you already knew the information he tried to keep from you.

Tubbo started ignoring you, so Ranboo was the one to try and get you used to walking around again, but this lead to the shorter male getting extremely jealous and helping you instead.

He frequently walks you around Snowchester on a strict set schedule, when he knows no one will be out and no mobs will be spawning.

One time, he didn’t expect Tommy to be walking around the snowy forests when he was walking with you, holding your hand to make sure you didn’t lose your balance. At least that’s what he told you.

Tommy looked... Empty, when he saw you both walking together. But his eyes darkened a bit when his blue eyes landed on your hands twinned together.

Tubbo looked a little hostile in your eyes, but he simply just gave Tommy a sharp smile before trying to pull you along as if he didn’t notice the tears beginning to pool in his ex-best friend’s eyes.

Tommy knew he lost right then and there, so he decided to say fuck it and start screaming degrading names at the two of you, catching you greatly off guard, hurting you badly enough to the point where your feelings were more than a little hurt.

When the founder of Snowchester realized that the blond hurt your feelings, he was quick to lash out back at the other man in your defence, but by then you were already walking away, back to the manor.

It took about ten minutes for him to realize that you went back to the mansion, but when he did, he sprinted through the door in an absolute panic before practically pouncing on you the second his eyes caught sight of you.

He protectively wrapped himself around you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you quietly rested your head against his shoulder.

After that, You and Tubbo became a lot closer emotionally. To the point where he called you his platonic wife jokingly, although you both knew he didn’t want to add platonic at the beginning.

He began to tell you about everything that weighed heavy on his shoulders, like his death from Technoblade’s fireworks, even to being threatened by Dream during the disc war.

When he noticed that you were genuinely beginning to care about him, his manipulation and jealousy actually began to calm down quite a lot.

You could actually spend time with Michael and Ranboo without anyone getting yelled at by Tubbo and causing him to get ridiculously jealous.

He began to take over his job as the founder of Snowchester, now actually trusting Ranboo to keep you company and even letting him take you outside during the day. But he refused to let you out during the night.

He’s just worried about mobs. Creepers especially.

Everything seems relatively like it was before that one day before Tommy and Tubbo completely lashed out at each other.

Tommy does often try and talk to you when Tubbo isn’t around, but both you and Ranboo try and put a stop to it as quickly as possible,

He’s lost.

He hurt you, and Ranboo couldn’t help but miss how Tubbo used to be, so if keeping Tommy away from you makes Tubbo act normal, he will damn well make sure that Tommy stays countries away from you.

This does cause Wilbur’s younger brother to break down a little bit, which you can genuinely understand, even if you hold a grudge against him for not saving you and yelling at you, you knew he did have feelings for you at one point even if he refused to admit it.

Unfortunately, this does cause quite a bit of pranks and explosions to stir up around Snowchester and the L’Manberg crater, but they stop within a few weeks. Tommy probably got scolded by either Sam, Phil or Puffy,

One morning, Tubbo invited you to spend a day outside of the mansion with him after a heavy snowfall.

He spent almost all morning outside, doing something he refused to tell you about, and when he came in to wake you up, his face was already cherry red from the cold.

How could he even want to go back into the freezing cold without any sort of warm drink or even sitting in front of the fire for a bit!?

“How are you so... Full of energy?” You murmured from behind the bathroom door as you got changed into your warmer clothing for when you do go outside. The door was cracked open a small bit so you could hear Tubbo rambling on and on about how he had a great surprise for you.

“Come on! It’ll be fun!” He was obviously grinning with excitement. When you walked out of the bathroom in your thick clothing and jacket, he bounced up from his spot on the edge of your bed, “Finally! Let’s go! Hurry, before it snows or gets warmer.”

You only nodded curiously and he grabbed your hand, eagerly pulling you out of your room and down the large stairs that lead towards the door. He pushed the large doors open with a bit of difficulty due to the snow piled up, but with your help, you both managed to slip out the door. Tubbo happily grabbed your hand again and began leading you down towards the docks where the water was covered with a thick sheet of ice, “Oh it must’ve got really cold last night... What are you showing me?”

“Over here!” He pulled you over to a large half-sphere made out of snow. He led you over to a hole in the side of it before dropping down to his knees and crawling through the entrance, “Come on!”

Blinking in surprise, you hesitantly followed him inside of the handmade snow building and gave a small gasp of glee as you saw that it was an igloo! The inside had a few blankets on the ground, preventing you from sitting on the icy snow-covered ground, there were a few lanterns placed on small snow hills preventing the small room from being dark, plus there was a small basket of what looked like two thermoses and a bit of food, “Tubbo! Did you build this?”

“I did! I also spent last night building it too!” He grinned widely, his ears wiggling with glee, “But this isn’t even the best part! Check over here!” The brunet shuffled over to another basket before pulling out a pair of white boots with silver blades bolted to the bottoms.

“Ice skates?” You tilted your head a bit as you crawled over and pulled out the pair that looked to be your size, “But I can’t skate...”/”How did you even know I could skate?”

Tubbo only turned his happy grin towards you, “I’ll show you how! Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall!”/”You briefly mentioned that you missed skating once or twice when you were all dopey on painkillers a few months ago!” He pulled out his pair of skates and began to take off his boots. (After getting his skates on he helped you with yours if you didn’t know how to lace them up.)

Once your new footwear was all tied up, he helped you up and carefully lead you outside with his arms tightly wrapped around you to help you keep your balance. (Even if you did know how to skate, he was still worried about you falling.) Tubbo carefully led you towards the ice and helped you stand up straight on the frozen water, making sure that you wouldn’t fall.

“See?” He smiled softly and held your hands tightly as he began to skate backwards, pulling you along with him until you slowly got a hold of what you were doing. “You (still) got it!”

You two slid and slipped around on the ice, laughing, smiling and spinning around with the other, but suddenly out of nowhere, your blade got caught in a groove of the ice that likely got chipped out when you two were skating around. With a small cry, you felt your legs slip out from under you and you immediately shut your eyes, awaiting the inevitable impact as a result of gravity.

Thankfully, two arms wrapped around your frame before you hit the ground. You slowly cracked open your eyes and saw your best friend holding you tightly against him. Your (e/c) eyes stared into his blue ones for a few moments before your face broke into a smile. “You caught me...”

“I would never let you fall...”

There two of you continued to skate around, having fun in the other's presence, completely unaware of the blond hidden behind a snowbank with his hand clasped tightly over his mouth and tears beginning to freeze to his reddened cheeks.

Tommy often found himself wishing he had let you fall...

Tommy & Tubbo Route - Rhythm of the Storm

Because your original housing was set between Snowchester and the Prime Path, it was surprisingly an equal distance between Tubbo’s mansion and Tommy’s house.

In the beginning, Tommy would go to your house first in the mornings, then leave around noon when Tubbo would come, but the constant social interaction left you always sleeping through either one of their visits.

It got to the point where you asked both of them to come by at the same time so you could talk with them both at the same time.

This caught them both off guard that you wanted both of their attention at the same time, but then only began to see benefits from them meeting with you together.

Now you weren’t out cold during the mornings when Tommy opened the door, and now you weren’t asleep by 2pm when Tubbo was over. Plus they could both take care of you at the same time!

There were a few times when either of the boys’ yandere tendencies peaked out, but you or the other would scold them out of it. Or Tommy would give Tubbo a small smack upside the head which would make him scream dramatically like a baby goat.

While they did take your injuries relatively seriously, they also were joking with you and cheered you up with their antics, preventing you from falling into a depression from staying inside all day and every day.

On a normal day, if you were awake and had more energy than normal, Tommy would be telling you incredible stories of his travels and Tubbo would be either making food or potions. Tommy isn’t allowed near the brewing stands or the stove anymore if you’re wondering.

On a bad day, if you barely had any energy and could barely stay awake, the two boys would be much quieter and let you sleep. On those days, they would ask Phil if you were actually okay, or they would go back to their respective homes.

If your burns are causing you immense amounts of pain one day, Tommy will refuse to even be in the same room as you and will genuinely beg Tubbo, Ranboo or Philza to stop your pain. Even if he doesn’t like others being around you, he’s beginning to accept Tubbo’s care towards you but he’s still wary about his father and Tubbo’s husband.

Speaking of, Ranboo and Michael had seemingly disappeared from Snowchester, but Phil assured you that they were both in the Tundra, (And to keep it a secret from Tubbo.)

On Phil’s latest visit, he told you that you could get up and out of bed without irritating the burns on your legs, although you might have trouble at first.

Upon hearing the news, Tubbo and Tommy were at your sides in seconds, asking if you wanted to get up and encouraging you to try. If you didn’t want to, they (mostly Tubbo) would understand about it and leave you to sit on the fact for a bit.

If you did, Tubbo would be at your injured side to make sure your bandages stayed together when you got up, while Tommy would be on your good side and mostly holding you up if your balance was bad enough.

Tubbo wanted to help you walk around at night, just in case you were self-conscious of your burns, but Tommy was too worried about any sort of mob approaching you. While they knew they could protect you, they just didn’t want to take any risks.

Tubbo will burst out crying after he hears an explosion, meanwhile, Tommy will freeze completely still. Which is also what happened during the mining incident that caused you to get injured, which is why Tubbo was the one to scream and continue to cry long after they had saved you.

Because of this, they don’t want to face a creeper with you around to see them panic and be in danger while they struggled to get themselves together.

When you’re out walking around, Tubbo is extremely patient and Tommy at least tries to hold his complaints.

If someone even looks at you wrong, they’ll have an angry raccoon boy yelling threats at them and Tubbo drawing his sword. They usually run with their tails between their legs afterwards.

If you collapsed on the walk from the pain, the amount of panic that would happen would be enough to have every single parental figure in the SMP running to help you. Luckily when it did happen, Badboyhalo was there and was strong enough to carry you without irritating your burns, and even gave a few pointers on how to help with burns. He had to raise Sapnap. He would know.

When you woke up at your home, you saw Tubbo and Tommy actually having a civil conversation with the large 9ft demon rather than threatening him to get away from you. That could've been because he was a demon though. But you were still proud!

You guessed that they still thought you were asleep when Bad left because you heard them murmuring and trying to keep quiet as they most likely made lunch.

Because of their conversation with Bad, and proving to you that they can actually behave themselves, you began to realize that their Yandere tendencies were calming down a lot. Meaning you weren't scared of them that much anymore, and you were beginning to accept their feelings towards you.

Unfortunately... You couldn't pick between them... And didn't know how open they would be to polyamory, but seeing as they weren't ripping each other's throats out, maybe their reactions wouldn't be too terrible?

Tubbo began to tell you about everything that bothered him, currently and formerly, like his death from Technoblade’s fireworks, even to being threatened by Dream during the disc war, or the nukes disappearing and his worry about whether or not Tommy cares about him.

Tommy also began to open up as well. Telling you about his brothers and father, his exile, his fear that Tubbo doesn't care about him anymore, and his third canon death.

After the two began to open up more, you began to realize they weren't being as clingy and desperate for your attention, most likely now trusting you to spend time with people other than them.

Maybe because they were catching on to you slowly beginning to return their feelings...

Everything seems relatively like it was before that one day before Tommy and Tubbo completely lashed out at each other.

A few weeks after your body became completely healed, the two boys spent a few days away from you, which you were curious about but never really commented on it.

One day when they both arrived at your house at their usual time, they were dressed up for an adventure and their bags were filled with everything that anyone would need.

They eagerly pulled you out of bed at some ungodly hour in the morning, although Tubbo thankfully had breakfast (and coffee) ready which you ate before going to get dressed into appropriate clothing and your god armour that Tubbo made, that was equipped with a new god sword that Tommy made you!

This was your first adventure since the explosion in the mine, and you damn well wanted to have fun.

"Okay, okay! Damn, Big Man, calm down!" You groaned as you threw the bag over your shoulders and tightened the straps accordingly. Once you tied up the laces on your boots, you straightened up and without fail, you felt both of your hands being grabbed before you got dragged out the door.

"We've been planning this for a few days! Nothing will stop us now!" Tubbo cheered, hopping along beside you as he held your scarred hand, "We have everything we could ever need for the next week!"

Your surprised reaction was ignored as Tommy continued dragging you down the Prime Path with a map in his free hand, "A whole week? That's quite a long adventure! Are you sure we'll be able to handle it?"

"Relax (N/n)! We were both raised by Philza Minecraft! Y'know, Survivalist extraordinaire? We know how to ration, build a shelter if needed, and everything in between!" Tubbo gave you a wide and cheesy grin as he spoke about the man who raised him, despite not actually being related to him. (Dadschlatt AU if you're wondering)

The three of you ventured off through many acres of forests and other biomes, holding hands and chatting away the entire time. Tommy let it slip that you were going to find buried treasure and maybe a woodland mansion if you were feeling brave enough, which is why he was always holding the map.

"Tommy, (Y/n)! Look!" Tubbo squeaked out happily as he saw a field of dozens of different flowers with bees hurriedly buzzing about to pollinate the plants around. The sight of the yellow and black bugs caused Tubbo to make happy little bleating sounds as his ears wiggled.

You and Tommy exchanged glances with a small smile, knowing very well you wouldn't be able to pull the hybrid away from them. "I suppose it is about time for a break..." You murmured as you were dragged off by the smaller brunet, thus pulling Tommy along as well.

The three of you sat down in the flower field, placing out a blanket to prevent yourselves from getting covered in dirt, despite knowing that it'll happen anyway. You set out the food Tubbo had packed while the two teenage boys ran around, having fun and, well just being teenagers.

Yes, Tommy got chased by bees.

Tubbo made you, himself and Tommy a flower crown, which you proudly wore, but Tommy was a bit more hesitant which you eventually made him get over by giving him a begging look. Yours was a bunch of (f/f) varying with colours, Tubbo's was a variety of yellows and white flowers, while Tommy's was mostly red and white.

While you three enjoyed your small picnic, you were all completely unaware of the fleeting bees, closing flowers and scattering animals. It was only when Tubbo's ears began to flick oddly did he lift his head, "I think there's a storm quickly approaching..."

You lifted your head and rose your arm to block the sun from your eyes to look at the quickly darkening clouds, "Oh damn, yeah we gotta go find shelter. Like now." You hurriedly grabbed your bag and began shoving the foot containers in it while Tommy and Tubbo packed everything else up too.

Despite your best efforts, you three quickly got caught in the downpour of rain and became absolutely drenched in rain by the time you found a small and shallow cave to hide in. "Aw fuck... Absolutely perfect! Sam said it wasn't gonna rain todaaaaay!" Tommy whined dramatically as he slumped against the stone wall.

You sighed and began pulling out the blanket again, knowing very well that you'd all be here for a while. When Tommy stopped whining about how he thought it was gonna be perfect weather, he helped Tubbo with starting a fire so you could all dry your sweaters that you had been wearing.

The two boys plopped down on the blanket on either side of you, Tommy hiding his head on your shoulder while Tubbo was curled up with his head against your lap, (After asking for permission of course) trying their best to drown out the sound of the sounds of the booming thunder.

After a few moments, you used the consistent pattern in the rain to keep beat before beginning to hum a soft tune while you ran your fingers through their damp hair.

Slowly, Tommy and Tubbo fell asleep, leaning against you while you hummed along to the rhythm of the storm...

Neither Route - Left the Game

Your house was quite out of the way from the Prime Path and Snowchester, in fact, quite possibly even closer to the Tundra. (In this route.)

Meaning that you were pretty far out of the way from everyone except for Ranboo, Phil and Techno. Which prevented both Tubbo and Tommy from coming around often, meaning Ranboo and Phil had to help you with a lot.

You felt bad because you didn't know either of them too, too well, but at least you knew you would definitely be getting better.

Ranboo actually had no problem helping you with your injuries, although he had to carefully write down what he gave you and when.

During your road to recovery, Ranboo and Tubbo's relationship became incredibly worse as the goat hybrid became even more manipulative and violent.

You became a personal therapist and babysitter for him and Michael, in return for him helping take care of you.

Speaking of Michael, the reason Ranboo hadn't joined you on the mining trip was because Phil had finished making a potion that would allow Michael to survive in the Tundra.

Tubbo and Tommy's violent habits had quickly doubled over the time when they couldn't see you, but luckily for you, the one time they did try to visit, Techno had come with Phil to meet you.

They ran out immediately.

Yes, Techno asked you about how you felt about anarchy.

Whether or not you joined the Syndicate is up to you.

Ranboo then told Techno and Phil about how Tubbo and Tommy were obsessed with you, and that your life was possibly in danger.

Technoblade only said that he had no way to help you, but Philza's fatherly instincts kicked in and he wanted to protect you both from the two boys he raised.

Once you got all healed up your burns scarred over, Phil and Ranboo already had an idea of how to keep you both and Michael safe.

It was highly risky and would leave you with only one life until you come back to the DreamSMP.

Phil was going to give you access to his Hardcore server.

Both you and Ranboo had a long and serious talk about it, but then remembered he was literally rich. He had dozens of totems!

Techno made you three totem pendants for you to wear around your necks, so you wouldn't always have to hold the totems.

(Philza asked his wife, Kristen the Goddess of Void and Death, to keep an extra close eye on you three and make sure if any of you do die, it's incredibly quick and painless.)

Standing in front of Phil, your bags filled with everything you would need to survive in the hardcore world, you watched as the centuries-old avian scanned you three up and down.

"I'll ask you both one final time." He sighed after he deemed all of your equipment and armour worthy. The blond fatherly figure stood in front of you and Ranboo as you held Michael with a glowing green orb in his hand, "Are you sure? There are no respawns when you run out of totems."

"Yes. It'll be much safer than the DreamSMP..." Ranboo murmured quietly, quickly scrawling as much as he could fit into his memory book before he forgot anything, "Even if it isn't permanent... We just need to run."

When Phil turned to you, you couldn't help but take a deep breath, "Yeah," You murmured, shifting the young piglin child on your hip, "I'm sure. Thanks again Philza... We really needed to be somewhere where they wouldn't find us..."

"I'll check up on you both once a week. Remember, travelling through servers will disorient you for quite a while and you quite probably won't understand where you are at first-"

"(Y/n)!!!" An angry yell came from the forest, and you turned your head just in time to see Tommy and Tubbo running in your direction.

You and Ranboo hurriedly whipped your head to face Phil again, but he seemed to have caught on before you both as there was a portal swirling with greens and golds beside him, "Go! Now! I'll see you both tomorrow! Remember, you can take anything you need to increase the chances of your survival!"

Ranboo got over his shock much quicker than you did because he grabbed your arm and leapt through the portal, bringing you and Michael along.

Ranboo Beloved left the game.

(Y/n) (L/n) left the game.

Michael Underscore-Beloved left the game.

#tommyinnit #tommyinnit x reader #dream smp x reader #yandere tommyinnit #yandere tommyinnit x reader #yandere tubbo x reader #yandere tubbo #ranboo #ranboolive #dsmp #tommyinnit dreamsmp #tubbo dreamsmp #ranboo dream smp #tommyinnit dream smp #tubbo dream smp #c!tommyinnit #c!tommy #c!tubbo #c!ranboo

890 notes · View notes

tendousthoughts · 4 years

Text

HQ Boys Calling Their S/O Clingy Pt. 1

Character(s) included: Iwaizumi and Ushijima

Warnings: slight cursing

A/N: so imma try to make this look really pretty and shit. But if you want a pt 2 just put it in my ask box + what characters you want next! So I don’t know what to call this format thingy but anything with the line next to it (like now) is what happened the day before (when they called their s/o clingy) and everything not in that day won’t be! I also just ate like five airhead lmao. Well enjoy! Reblogs & follows are greatly appreciated! My ask box is always open to request, and if you wanna talk or just wanna say something! Please don’t laugh at my grammatical or spelling errors, I’m sorry!

My Masters List: here

My series : here

Credit: @/teesumu

Iwaizumi

When he came home all you wanted to do was hug him. It had been almost a week since he had gotten his new job. He was stressed all the time and never had time for you two alone. So what if you want just hug him for a bit.. you deserve that much right just that much of his time? So he walked in, and your eyes lit up... he was one of the few people you felt safe around. You ran up to him with a big smile and that goofy lovable personality of yours.

“Dinner is ready and then we can cuddle and maybe watch a movie. I have it all planned out!” You smile laughing a bit just imagining how fun it will be. He doesn’t look so amused though.

“I ate already and I am going to bed, y/n.” He didn’t even give you a second to process what he had said instead he just walked away. You follow him to the room you share smiling.

“Oh okay! We can just cuddle then!” You smile a bit and hop onto the bed next to him. Wrapping your arms tightly around him, not too tight, just perfect, you smile. Till you are shoved off. He looked at you with pure annoyance.

“Y/n, can you stop being so fucking clingy. You never stop trying to touch me,” He screamed and you just sat there with tears. God damnit. He was right, wasn’t he? You never gave him space. He turned his back and you turned away too. The tears silently fell.

The morning came faster than it should have. By the time he was awake you were out of the room. He got up and walked out and entered the kitchen.

“Morning y/n, I have the day off so we can do anything you want,” he smiled as he walked in, yet you weren’t there. He searched the whole house and you weren’t there. An hour passed and you walked in.

“Uh hey y/n.. where’d you go? I mean like you weren’t there when I woke up, love?” He smiled and you just gave a soft smile.

“Oh.. um I just went for a random drive for some coffee and drove nowhere for like twenty minutes,” you lied. You love doing that but to be honest you were talking to Oikawa for a bit and ranting to him.

“Oh um.. I have the day off if you just wanna hang out? Maybe go for dinner or something?” He smiles hopefully.

“Uh sure..” you sat far from him on the couch as the movie started. He looked at you and you tried not to pay attention.

“Uh do you need something?” You turn towards him.

“Oh um.. no, never mind,” he looks back at the tv confused. He wanted to cuddle yet was too embarrassed to say so.

Thirty minutes passed by and you were quite distant. “Um do you wanna cuddle or something..?” He smiles hopefully.

“I’m good thanks for asking,” you remain glaring at the tv.

“Um y/n is everything okay.. you’ve been really distant and I know you went to Oikawa’s place yet you told me otherwise..” he looks at you.

You freeze looking at him again, you look like a deer in headlights. Frozen and shocked. You say the first thing that comes to mind which is extremely dumb. “Uh I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You helplessly smile.

He looks at you, shocked. You were a terrible liar yet you still tried to, “why are you lying? I know you were there just tell me.”

“Last night I was thinking that you are right. I am too clingy and I need to give you some space,” you keep your on him “This morning you weren’t up and I just felt like talking so I decided to head out and not bug you.” Your voice breaks as tears roll down your cheeks. Wiping them away quickly hoping he doesn’t notice but it is already too late.

“Y/n... I didn’t mean it,” he feels like absolute shit right now and he doesn’t know what to do. “I..I like how you cling to me and how you just act like yourself. I..I love the sound of your voice so you can always talk to me. I didn’t mean for me to come off so rude to you and hurt you... you mean everything to me. I am so sorry y/n for making you so fucking uncomfortable. This is your house too and I shouldn’t do that to you...” he whispers holding your hands in his as he pulls you closer. Lifting you to his lap.

You try to climb off but his grip just gets tighter in a protective way.

“I’m sorry y/n... I didn’t mean any of that. I will make more room for us to hang out...” He smiles a bit wrapping his arms around your waist. “I love you so much..”

“I..I love you too,” you make out in between heavy deep breaths

Ushijima

You tried to call him multiple times, it was extremely late and you were worried. He normally would text you if he was going to practice a bit longer or he was going to head to dinner with his team. Knowing how worried you get and not wanting you to make him a whole meal when he is full. Yet he never picked up it was probably twelve thirty when he walked in.

He tried to walk in silently but soon found you awake in bed. You smile a bit getting up and giving him a hug. “Hey baby..” you mumble with your sleepy voice “where were you? I was worried sick,” you didn’t sound mad, just concerned.

He slightly shoved you off making his way to his dresser to change. “Out.” He grumbled a bit.

“Are you hungry? I made dinner..” you smile slightly making your way closer to him.

“Can you just leave me alone? I don’t need you to be so god damn clingy! You’re not my mom and I am a grown ass adult. I don’t need you to stay up wondering where I was!” He took a deep breath calming down. You slowly backed down and just laid at your side of the bed closing your eyes. Slightly thinking about all the “problems” you have.

Morning came and when Ushijima woke up he was later than usual needing to rush a couple of things. You were on the couch, as he came in he looked for something to eat. “Y/n, do you know if there is anything I can eat?” He called out.

“I don’t know you can look, can’t you?” You look up from your computer for a split second before returning to gaze at your computer.

“Uh.. ya. Well bye!” He grabbed a banana and grabbed his stuff. Rushing out the door unsure what had possibly made you so harsh that morning. Forgetting everything he had said the night before.

When he came home it was early and you were already eating while using your phone. “I’m home!” He called.

You just smiled and returned eating. Your eyes locked on back onto your phone. Typing for a second.

“Who are you texting babe?” He smiled as he walked in.

“No one” you put your phone down. The sound of a text came up but you just ignored it walking to put your dishes away and then grabbing your phone to go back to your room.

“Uh.. y/n? You wanna hang out for a bit?” You turn and just shake your head.

“No I’m good thanks though.” You mumble before walking away. Him following close after.

“Are you okay..?” He mumbles as he joins you in bed.

��Ya. I’m fine,” you mumble as you plot your headphones in listening to some music.

He taps your shoulder and you take out one of your earbuds. “What’s going on.. what did I do?” He mumbled.

“I mean I am not your mother so I don’t understand why you need me to hang out with you and be your best friend. I mean I am just too clingy aren’t I?” You burst out.

“What?” He looks at you for a moment remembering the night before. “Wait y/n.. I didn’t me-”

“I don’t care if you didn’t mean it! You made me feel like absolute shit!” You look at him before getting up and heading to the spare room. “You can leave and go out. I don’t give a fuck just leave me alone for a bit.”

He goes to check on you two hours later. When he walks in he finds you crying. “Y/n, can we talk?” He whispered softly in his calming voice.

You look up wiping your tears. “I guess.”

“May I sit on the bed or would you like some space..?” He really didn’t want to make you feel worse then you probably already did.

“I don’t care do what you want,” it wasn’t like you to be so snappy. But you just wanted to get it out of your system. He sat down next to you and slowly reached out his arms. You slowly entered his embrace as he held you tight whispering sweet nothingness into your ear. His words are full of praise and truth.

“I am so sorry I made you feel like that. I should have texted you back. I know that you were just worried,” he rubbed your back slowly, making soft circles. “I don’t find you clingy.. and I like when you take care of me. You mean the world to me and I am sorry I made you think otherwise..”

Follows and likes are appreciated! Please reblog if you enjoyed it so more people can find my work! Thank you all for your support! Stay safe, and have a good rest of your day!

582 notes · View notes

marvelandsuchstuff · 4 years

Text

Sleepless Nights and Golden Sunlight (Corpse husband x reader)

A/N: helllllooooo everyone, I think like most of the internet I have been obsessing over this man for the past week and couldn’t help myself. I would however like to take this time to say that I will fully respect this man and if he ever does want this taken down - I will do so :). Anyways I wrote this shit in 12 hours and it’s now 2:45 am lol but I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: None, unless I can kill you with softness

It was well past 6 am when the sun had crept through the sheer curtains of the room (y/n) lay asleep in. The golden light streamed on to the grey bed in which she was peacefully in her own world. She was curled up around one of the pillows, with a small smile cracking through her soft lips.

In one of the other rooms, a man sat at a desk trying to record a video for the third time in the past four hours. He was growing increasingly furious with the script in front of him, no longer wanting to attempt reading it out. Put it down to the lack of sleeping for more than three hours or the fact that he was pushing himself too hard again with the rapid rate of growth over these past couples of weeks. But what he did know is that he needed to finish this video, however, no matter what he did, he just couldn’t seem to do it.

That’s when he finally gave up and slammed his hands down on the desk in front of him, not noticing how loud it had been. He sighed and looked at the time on the side of the screen and starred as the minutes passed. Great. Another sleepless night had passed him by without a shutter of a thought. That’s when he heard a sleepy girl’s voice from the doorway.

(y/n) awoke from her peaceful state when she suddenly heard a forceful thump from down the hall. She hurriedly pulled herself up, dazed and confused and still half asleep, slowly gathering her surroundings. The golden sun bursting into the room now blinded her eyes as she tried to look around at where she was. (y/n) put her hand up blocking it from her line of sight and sighed with relief as she realized she was at corpses' house, in his bed. Safe.

Although this fact comforted her, she still was mildly distressed at the sound she heard moments before. Almost immediately she noticed how she was alone in the king bed, which wasn’t surprising, in fact, it was normal for her. She knew corpses’ sleeping habits often kept him awake until ludicrous hours in the morning and often he would only end up getting a few hours sleep before returning to reality. Often she would have to drag him to bed, only for him to leave once she had fallen asleep in his arms and he made sure she wasn’t worried about him. So, she decided to go find out what was happening and where her boyfriend had gotten to.

She put her hand down and slowly swung herself out of the warm covers onto the cold hardwood floors. She pushed herself off the mattress, steadily gaining her balance and then slowly walking to the door, still very tired from not having enough sleep. She then opened one of the bedroom’s double doors while leaning on it for a bit of support. (y/n) roamed down the hallway, her feet cold from the wood under them, searching for her boyfriend.

She noticed the dark purple glow coming out of his gaming room, which only could mean he was in there. As soon as this realisation occurred, she felt her legs growing even weaker and used her last source of strength to get over to the door frame. She quickly lent herself against it to support herself before she entirely collapsed onto the floor.

Once (y/n) had gathered herself again, she glanced over toward the computer monitor and lo and behold saw corpse staring at something on the screen. He seemed like he was in a different world, taking no notice of the small girl behind him. After about a minute (y/n) built up enough energy to let out a small and soft “hi”.

The chair swivelled around to face her, and a weak smile crept onto corpses’ face, “hey baby”,

However, he soon realised the state (y/n) was in and quickly dashed over to her before she completely fell to the floor.

“Princess, what are you doing awake?” he asked with concern as she sank deep into his chest for some stability.

“Hmmm, I’m ok”

“You sure, because right now you're clinging onto me as if gravity didn’t exist” he chuckled lightly.

“Yeah,” she whispered and giggled a bit, “Anyways I heard a loud noise and wanted to make sure no one had come to kidnap you,”

He laughed again, “Well I’m standing here are I? So I must be fine unless I’ve been given some drug to make me hallucinate the most beautiful person in the world. Which in that case I want to be on this forever.”

(y/n) laughed and smiled into his chest. They both just stood like this for a moment taking in the silence and the warmth of each other. Their breaths aligned creating a bliss in which the earth itself shattered away and nothing else mattered. Two souls becoming more intertwined with each second passing by. Heaven.

Corpse was the one to finally break the silence, softly asking, “Do you want to go back to bed?”

(y/n) nodded into him, “mhm, can you come with me?”

“Of course princess, I wasn’t planning on leaving you anytime soon” he mumbled.

Then suddenly he manoeuvred around her, still making sure she had balance. He carefully picked the girl up bridal style and moved over to turn the lights off. At first, (y/n) was a bit taken aback by this but quickly adjusted to his body and curled into him. She closed her eyes softly caving into the darkness but wanting to stay awake until they got into the bed.

Corpse carried the girl in his arms down the hall, no longer concerned about the video he left or the lack of sleep he had. All that mattered was his wonderful and sweet little girlfriend who kept him sane at the worst of times. He looked down at her and he wondered how she ended up with him.

“Why’d you choose me?” he whispered, not sure if she heard him.

This made (y/n) open her eyes, now full of concern. “Because I love you, I knew it then and I know it now”

They both recounted the night they met. It wasn’t much, the met when poki had invited (y/n) to play a couple of games of among us and he was there. (y/n) remembers instantly feeling overwhelmed by even the few amount of people there. Corpse realised this a couple of rounds into the game after poki kept asking why she was so quiet compared to normal. He had seen her talk in poki’s videos a few times and was wondering the same because she was often more vocal in those videos. So he decided to message her to see if she was ok, seeing the same signs as he does with himself. For some reason (y/n) decided to tell him what was going on in hopes that he could help, knowing that he also struggled with these things.

After that, they immediately became really close and both were happy that they finally found someone who fully understood one another. The rest became history and now they were here, together.

“I love you too. So much,” Corpse said, smiling as he pushed the second of the double doors open. He then walked over to the opposite side of the bed and then carefully laid the girl down on the mattress. He moved the pillow she had been curled up against to make sure her head was supported.

After he put her down he went to the wall with the control panel and lowered the blackout blinds so they wouldn’t be disturbed by the already light sky outside. Then, he went back around to the other side of the bed and climbed on top of the grey sheets. He pulled the covers over both of them and tucked them into (y/n) side to keep her even warmer. Then snaking one hand over her torso and leaving one to play with her hair, he pulled closer to her body

“Are you going to tell me what was that noise I heard now?” (y/n) quietly asked,

“It was nothing, I just got mad at a video I was trying to film”

With this, (y/n) turned over to face him, searching for the emotions on his face. A strange look of sadness and anger and hatred she knew all too well. Very often this was corpses’ permanent emotional state where it is for something like a video or mean tweet, or more often himself. Every time she sees this side of him, it breaks her heart because he, of all the people in the world, definitely doesn’t deserve to feel like this.

The worst part is, however, often she feels as though there is nothing she can do to help. The best way she has found is to be there for him, whenever and whatever he needs because she knows he would do the same for her.

“Can I do anything?”

However, what she didn’t realize was how much she already does to help, just by being there. Because often if she’s happy and doing ok, he would always come back to her. His own personal light in the dark.

“Get some sleep for me baby. That’s all that I want you to do,” He replied, running his hand through her hair.

“Ok, but please stay with me?” she asked as she fell back into her own little world of dreams.

“Of course princess, I wasn’t planning on leaving you anytime soon”

#what the fuck do i tag this #uhhhhh #corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #i guess #youtubers #help it's 3 am #youtuber x reader #idk

2K notes · View notes

cow-smells · 4 years

Text

You’re Mine [Eli Hawk Moskowitz x Reader]

Requests: 1. there’s a new girl on miyagi-do, she’s classmates with sam, hawk, miguel, tory, robby, demetri, etc... for some reason, she and hawk didn’t like each other (he can be on cobra kai or eagle fangs, that’s your choice), and one day they make a bet, which this girl wins. hawk has to be her slave for a whole week. BONUS IDEA: a stolen kiss during a fight. maybe admitting feelings for each other? i’d love that! ( @berriewrites ) 2. love the hawk smut but i’d also love some fluffy hawk about him secretly liking the reader who’s in miyagido but he tries to act all tough and hide it (anon) 3. AHHH CAN WE GET SOME HAWK FLUFF!? I love the idea where you swear that you don’t like him and you guys make eye contact from a distance when he’s standing with his friend group and you’re standing with yours and you get flustered and he can tell and he smirks and just ahh (anon)

A/N: this took so longggg this came out longer than expected (and honestly i could go on, but i wanted to get this out already) + real life has come hitting all at once and its been overwhelming lol. thanks for being patient and sticking around <3 i enjoyed writing some fluff (amidst a flurry of smut reuests loool :)

Words: 2981

Warnings: none

Read this on AO3

Summary: You don't like Hawk. He's a bad person, that much you know for sure. You're ready to make his life miserable when he loses a bet with you, but then you actually have to spend time with him...

You didn't like this.

Forgiveness seemed to be a virtue that evaded you. Eagle-fang and Miagi-Do were uniting and everyone seemed to be all for the union – except for you.

Some things were simply unforgivable. For you, Hawk breaking Demetri's arm was one of them.

You and Demetri became nearly inseparable friends when you both joined Miagi-Do. He had told you all about his former friend Eli and how he'd abandoned him in the favor of bullying him in any way he could come up with; that bullying taking a turn to the extreme when Hawk took to breaking bones.

Demetri had since forgiven him, but you hadn't.

Demetri had a softer heart than he let on, and he missed Eli terribly, so when the latter suggested they work together he gladly accepted.

But you were more objective about the situation, as you weren't a part of it, and forgiving such cruelty was beyond you.

The one good thing about the dojos coming together was the intense dedication that grew on everyone. Now that you had a common enemy, many participants would hang around in Miyagi-Do's dojo long after training sessions, training until you could hardly move your limbs.

The sun had ago long fallen when you and the remaining students took places around a mat, ready for the sparring session to begin.

With Daniel and Sensei Lawrence gone, you had taken to writing down names and pulling them out of a bowl to decide on sparring partners.

All the negative emotions you felt channeled in to great excitement when Miguel called your name – followed by Hawk's.

You could have sworn you saw a look of something you couldn't read – concern, perhaps, or fear? Before he seemed to share your excitement as he stepped on to the mat with a grin that was almost predatory.

Two could play at that game.

“You're as good as dead,” you said, your voice dripping venom. Hawk's smirk just grew.

“Is that so, princess? I'd like to see you score as much as a point.”

A light bulb lit in your mind.

“Yeah?” you taunted. “What if I get three?”

Hawk laughed. “You got a lot of confidence, don't you? I'll tell you what. If you can score three points on me and win, I'll...” He bit his lip as he thought. “I'll let you boss me around for a week. Whatever you want.”

The blood rushed through your veins, ready more than ever to fight. You were grateful for the lack of your sensei, knowing this nonsense wouldn't stand if he were here.

“Deal.”

“Are you guys done?” Miguel huffed, standing between you two, ready to referee. “Good. Bow.”

You bowed without intent and got straight to attacking. Hawk didn't expect it; he came from the dojo that prides itself on strike first and yours cared mainly about defense. You earned your first point within seconds.

That only served to throw Hawk off his game further. He dived in right away for the attack and was caught unprepared when you fell, sweeping his leg.

You earned your second point.

By that point, Hawk might as well have been fuming out the ears. His brows furrowed in anger as he looked at you like you were the most vile thing he had ever seen; that satisfied something within you.

The flurry of hits and misses was so rapid you were caught unprepared when you managed to land a punch on Hawk, Miguel's voice rising as he named you victor.

Hawk huffed, clearly exerted. You smiled. “You're mine.”

You were fully intending to use this bet to its full potential.

The next day was Saturday, and Hawk, true to his word, showed up at your doorstep at 9 p.m sharp, just as you had ordered.

You paid him no kindness when you opened the door, not exchanging a word with him before demanding: “Helmet?”

Hawk handed you a helmet, not looking particularly pleased about the situation but not being able to stop himself from taking in an eyeful of you anyway.

You needed a ride to tonight's party – that's where Hawk came in, beginning his work for you as a personal valet. Accordingly for the event, you were dressed meticulously, showing off your best features – and if you were to judge by Hawks reaction, you were on your way to turn heads.

You climbed on the motorcycle after him, circling your arms around him loosely; but when he kicked off and started the ride, you couldn't help but tighten your hold.

The party was overcrowded with people from the moment you got there; Yasmine's parties tended to get a bit... excessive.

You ditched Hawk the moment you got sight of your friends, ditching the helmet on his bike to run over to Sam, Moon and Yasmine.

Yasmine didn't hide the dirty look she sent at Hawk. “Ew. Who's the freak?”

You grinned proudly. “My valet. Ignore him. Actually...”

You looked over to the drinks table; someone had tapped a keg and it was being swarmed with people.

“Hey, Hawk!”

Hawk turned to you, the slightest furrow in his brow as he had already joined his own friends. You pointed at the drinks table. “Vodka soda!” you ordered.

He rolled his eyes, but did it anyway. Your friends watched wide-eyed as he obeyed you wordlessly, bringing over the drink. “Anything else, princess?”

“Yes,” you gave him a judging once-over. “Don't drink tonight. I want to get home in one piece.”

He bit his cheeks and glared at you before growling “Fine” and returning to his friends.

At some point you didn't even want a drink any more, it was just fun ordering Hawk to go fetch you another one; and so, you found yourself unintentionally drunk, laughing mindlessly at anything said and swaying on your feet.

You didn't even know how late it had gotten when Hawk came in the living room looking for you, ready to go home as most the others already had.

You had earlier made him promise to take you home as well, and – something you were quickly learning was, Hawk was definitely a man of his word. He spotted you half-sprawled on the couch, laughing with Yasmine at something you didn't fully register. Your cup was askew in your hand, contents about to spill over when Hawk grabbed it out of your hand, placing it on a table nearby.

“Come on, Y/n. It's time to go.”

“Not yet!” you grinned gleefully, taking hold of his wrist and shaking it dumbly as you spoke. “Later! We're having fun!”

Hawk placed his free hand on yours that held him. “It's four AM, Y/n, time to call it a night.”

You didn't reply, instead resorting to pouting like a child.

His eyes softened (the puppy eyes never failed to work) – but his jaw clenched. “If you don't come now I'm leaving you here.”

“Fine!” you hurriedly rose to your feet, using Hawk for balance. “Bye,” you pouted at Yasmine childishly as Hawk pulled you away from her and out of the house.

The sudden quiet of the outside was nearly overwhelming, Hawk's voice sounding too loud for you. “How am I supposed to get you home when you're this drunk?”

“I'm not drunk,” you answered instinctively, knowing that you very well were.

“If you can make it to the bike in a straight line, I'll believe you.” You look at his bike, ten feet ahead. You decide to keep holding on to him. “That's what I thought. Listen. You gotta stay awake, okay? I can't have you falling off in the middle of the road, or making me sway, because then we're both dead. Got it?”

“Dead. Got it.”

Hawk didn't look convinced, but placed a helmet on you and buckled it anyway.

It was about ten minutes in to the ride when Hawk pulled over. He turned to you, his voice as serious as he could make it; you simply smiled, somewhat dazed. “This isn't going to work.”

“Hm?”

“Y/n!” Hawk called, trying to wake you up a little. “Don't fall asleep!”

“Yes, sensei.” you slurred. Had you been any more awake, you might have noticed the way Hawk's eyes widened at that.

Hawk had to refocus himself to go on. “I'm serious. Look... My house is closer than yours. You can sleep it off at mine, and I'll take you wherever tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay,” you shrugged, your mind not caring about much other than regaining the warmth of Hawk's body pressed against yours.

Minutes later you pulled up at an unfamiliar house. Hawk unbuckled your helmet and set it aside, helping you off the bike and guiding you inside, motioning Shhh as he led you through the corridor of his darkened house until you reached his room.

The most natural thing for you to do the moment you saw a bed was to collapse on it. In the seconds Hawk turned his back on you to find you Pj's to wear, you had fallen asleep.

Looking at you on his bed, Hawk exhaled heavily. He was very aware of your hatred of him; what he couldn't understand was, if everyone else forgave him, why not you?

It certainly didn't help that you looked the way you do, that you were talented, and that everyone loved you.

So Hawk undid your shoes and pulled them off, laying a blanket on you before leaving you to sleep.

You woke up groggy, somewhat hungover and in a strangers room; an interesting start to the day.

You didn't really want to leave the comfort of your lonesome in the room but it was clear you would have to face the music at some point, so you womaned up and left the room.

Following the smell of food cooking, you walk down a hallway to find a red-haired man in the kitchen, his tattooed back to you, muscles flexing as he flipped a pancake.

With his hair down, it took you a moment to register who you're seeing; who's bed you spent the night in.

Hawk.

Your first instinct was to groan, to cower in to yourself in regret; but then you remember how tenderly he treated you the night prior, making sure you got safely to a bed, letting you have his bed.

You swallowed your pride and stepped in to the kitchen. “Morning.”

Hawk's shoulders jumped in fright as you startled him; you couldn't help but giggle. He quickly rightened himself, straightening his back and flexing his abs as he turned to you.

He was good looking and he knew it. You hated him.

However, you felt your power returning to you as he couldn't help but look you up and down, your disheveled clothes revealing a bit more than they had the night before. Hawk inhaled sharply, reminding himself of who he was, how he was supposed to act: unfazed.

“Bout time you got up.”

You frowned, looking at the kitchen clock. “What do you mean about time? It isn't even noon yet.”

“Yeah, well,” Hawk flipped a pancake on to a nearby plate. “You wanted me to take you to the mall today, right? I have practice later, so it's gotta be now.” The Eagle-fangs were holding weekend practices of their own, something you weren't a fan of.

“Jeez, fine,” you sneered, allowing yourself to sit at the kitchen table. Amidst the chaos that was waking up in Hawks bed, you had totally forgot you previously asked him to take you out today. Yasmine's parents were making her take tutoring lessons, Moon was doing some spiritual healing thing and Sam was with Miguel, so you were left all alone – but you certainly didn't intend on spending Sunday at home, doing nothing.

Hawk finally shut off the burner and joined you at the table with a stack of pancakes and two plates in tow. “Eat away your hangover. I'm not gonna hold your hair up if you hurl.”

Breakfast with Hawk ended up being a surprisingly civil affair; so was shopping. There was something exciting about dragging him along after you, shop after shop, having him carry your bags and modeling clothes for him. And honestly, you were loving the effect you had on him. You knew he was trying to hide it, but you could see the way he grew antsy when you tried on bikinis. You loved teasing him, knowing he couldn't have you.

What also didn't hurt was the way you two turned heads walking down streets together. You were undeniably gorgeous, and he... While at first you thought it was the bright red mohawk that grabbed peoples eyes, after a close inspection you couldn't deny he had fair features, too. You had to look away whenever he tensed his jaw, accentuating his jawline, or if God forbid he smiled, you had to deny the way his smile made your stomach knot up.

As though to top off the experience of him, by the time you finished shopping, Hawk would have been late if he was to take you home, so you suggested he take you to practice with him and just take you home once he was finished. And oh my... You did not need to see him fighting. Having a whole hour to see his biceps flexing as the threw punches was doing you no favors; when you were both practicing you were too busy with yourself to notice him, but right then you had a whole hour to do nothing but stare.

At the end of the practice you rose when Hawk approached you, ready to go. When his sensei understood you were waiting there for him, he asked Hawk, “Yours?”

Hawk didn't answer; he merely smirked that Hawk smirk of his. His sensei nodded proudly. “Nice.” Creep.

You had a couple more days to squeeze the most you could out of your bet, and by all means were you planning on using them.

Hawk was taking you to school and home every day on the back of his bike – to Miyagi-do, too. It became a regular thing to see you two together, and if anyone was expecting you, they expected Hawk, too.

Just as the previous mornings, you and Hawk walked in to school together. Seeing your friends, you bid him goodbye and went to join them, your eyes lingering on him a bit too long as he said hello to Miguel.

Yasmine's jaw dropped as she looked at you, her expression scandalized. “What?” you asked.

“You're totally in to the freak!”

“What? No,” you denied – but even as the words left your mouth, you could hear your lack of conviction. “No.”

You looked back to where Hawk and Miguel stood; this time, he caught your eye. Then, with total audacity, he winked at you.

You felt heat rush through your body.

The smirk that grew on him suggested he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

You hated it.

Deciding to put an end to this madness, you wordlessly leave your friends and march up to Hawk, a new rage running though you.

He stopped talking with Miguel when you reached him; Miguel visibly tensed at what he felt was a dangerous situation for him to be in.

“Sidebar,” you ordered. Hawk smirked.

“After you, princess.”

You hoped no one would notice when you lured him in to an empty classroom, but in all honesty, it was you and Hawk. There were always eyes on you two.

You turned to him once you were engulfed in the silence of the room. “Listen. I don't know what you're playing at, but cut it out. I own you, got it? Don't go winking at me in the hallway like I'm your girlfriend or something.”

You expected to see him cower, blush, show any sign of intimidation – but there was no such emotion. The smirk he wore only grew in confidence. “You sure about that?” he asked cheekily. “Because it seems to me like you'll find any excuse to be around me.”

You couldn't believe the audacity of this boy. You were stunted for words; he went on. “Be honest with yourself. Once the week is up, you'll still find reasons to talk to me.”

You bit your cheeks; you hated how he was right, how he read you so easily. “And look, I'm done playing this game too.”

Your stomach dropped. Was he about to reject you, without you even confessing? “I'm not playing with you,” you tried to say intimidatingly, but your voice came out too small for comfort.

“Me neither. So...” Hawk looked down at you; you could have drowned in his ocean eyes. You averted your gaze to the side, crossing your arms.

“Fine. We can call it off early.”

Hawk chuckled. You wanted to punch him. “You still don't get it, do you?”

You returned your eyes to Hawk, ready to chew him out when he placed his hands on your cheeks, pulling you to him for a kiss.

You could feel yourself melting in to the kiss, feeling a rush of adrenaline run through you as you finally got to experience what you didn't want to admit to yourself that you craved so deeply.

When he finally pulled away, he kept his hands on you, your noses nearly touching. “I've wanted to do that for a long time,” Hawk admitted.

You half-smiled. “It's only been a week.”

Hawk had burst in laughter, his thumbs caressing your cheeks. “You still don't get it.” Before you could protest his words, his lips met your once more.

Maybe you could find it in you to forgive him, after all.

#cobra kai imagine #cobra kai #eli moskowitz imagine #eli hawk moskowitz #eli moskowitz x reader #eli moskowitz/reader #cobra kai fanfic #cobra kai hawk

589 notes · View notes

dzpenumbra · 2 years

Text

10/26/22

Today was very bad. I'm just getting that out of the way, this was not a good day by any stretch of the imagination. I woke up at 9 AM to a missed call and voicemail from my vet. I got really insecure about talking on the phone while sleep deprived and half-awake and kinda still high. But I knew it was the test results. I went back to sleep, somehow.

Woke up later in the day, around 1 or so, to a second call and voicemail from my vet. I called them back around 3 after I got up and got settled in and woken up a bit. I've always been very insecure about that. I do not like talking to people when I'm not at my fullest, not before coffee, not if I'm high, not if I'm half awake. I feel very repulsed by it, I feel like it makes me look bad, I feel like people treat me different then, I feel like people will judge me by my lack of mental capacities and attention span, or me getting lost or distracted, or whatever... and treat me differently than otherwise. So I really revolve my life around being my best self around people, I really do try, and kinda obsess over it. Which I miss not caring about. A lot.

I called the vet back, we coordinated a few hours later, at like 5 or so. She... confirmed that my cat has hyperthyroidism. And stressed (editing to add "emphasized", "made a point to point out") that we caught it in the early stages, so treatment should be effective. I really hope so, she offered up an ointment or something for her ears that I'm going to apply. I figured that shouldn't bother her as much as a pill, it's not gonna work for me to try to feed her pills. And she likes having her ears stroked, so it hopefully works.

The food supplements are NOT going well. She is avoiding her canned chicken because of it - god I really hope it's because of that - and kinda just not eating food. So... I really gotta pay attention to that. I ordered some new canned foods that might be more appealing to her, but i have a very strong feeling it's the joint supplement she's avoiding. I'm gonna have to call the vet back about all this in the AM, now that I think about it. My thoughts keep drifting off to that.

Also because I'm pretty sure she ordered the ointment to the wrong pharmacy thats like probably almost an hour and a half round trip from my house. So I'm going to have to call them back tomorrow anyway.

So she's gonna need to get more tests done, like... next month probably. Keep checking the thyroid levels. This is kinda starting to get real now, I guess it didn't hit me before like... how big a change this is. Not the full impact. Because I'm really alone in this. And she's my baby, I've had her since she was like 2 weeks old. And I really don't say that out loud enough, I don't know why. She means the world to me and I want to be even better for her every day. I feel so bad for the fact that this is her life now. Doctor visits, hip pain, still thinks their a kid - me and her are way too alike right now. But I can give for her what I needed for myself, right? Even if she's "just a cat", fucking whatever, I can still do the cat version of being there for her.

So yeah, I don't wanna go too far into the future right now, because I still have to sort out a lot of Now stuff, and if I get too freaked out about how hard and scary things are gonna be from here forward, I'm just gonna freeze up with the Now stuff. So... let's go back to today. So I got the news from the vet and just... tried to mentally --- well, I was gonna say process it, but... nope, distract basically. I just immediately fired up Minecraft and put something on in the background. I just didn't process it at all. I'm... god I was just like curled in a ball nodding my head the whole time the vet talked too. I want to say "I'm such a wuss" about this, but no, I'm just fuckin traumatized about this shit. I'm just rocking back and forth in the trenches like that dude from the Brood War intro cinematic when the Battlecruiser just flies off into orbit and strands them there, and he just lowers his visor. "Take us into orbit, Mr. Malmsteen. We've seen enough."

My mom called like... an hour or so later? I was not able to explain to her that I was in the middle of a PTSD episode. An acute traumatic incident that I really wasn't able to fully process, that I'm still struggling to really wrap my head around. It's very intense. Like... horror movie intense. Like I just got wrapped up in the Mafia somehow or something, like... when the pandemic started? Like that kind of feeling, I guess? Like "oh shit, my life is very different now". "I'm way too disconnected from her to not have noticed this or spoken up about it", "I'm going to have to do this alone", "I don't even have a vet where I'm moving, and she's going to need monthly blood tests, and they said I really need to get the ball rolling on a new vet like now because they may not schedule me for like... months. And I am moving 2.5 hours away. One-way, so 5 hour round trip."

This was all swirling in my head. In the forefront of my mind was the inconvenience of driving, how stressed out that's going to make Max. Like... I'm going to have to drug her the night before, which took 3 hours last time and almost didn't happen. Then I need to hit the road 2.5 hours before my appointment. She has historically not been good on car rides. She gets carsick. So I'll have to subject her to that, drugged, again. And then get blood drawn from her neck. And then drive right back home. Every month until I can get a new vet.

I panicked. Full-on. And just got fucking cranky and frustrated and angry. Angry that I was in this situation, that yet another fucking bullshit thing got thrown on the pile. Like we just can't catch a fucking break. And they won't make an appointment for me to get a vet why? Because all these new people flooded into the state? Because a bunch of people got pets during the pandemic? And I can't get like... serious health care for a 16 year old cat that has lived in this state her entire life. Who I didn't take to the vet for like 10 years because I didn't want to stress her out or upset the vets with how difficult she could be. I still feel like a fucking idiot for that one, but the past is the past. We can't get an appointment why? Because someone needs to get their dog's nails trimmed or something? I don't know. Maybe it's just too many new people in the area, I don't know, but I don't ever remember this being a problem. Not being able to get medical care. Not being able to get an appointment with an eye doctor for glasses so I can legally drive for like... 2-4 months after appointment? Same with dentists and people doctors I've heard, I've basically given up on even trying anything other than urgent care at this point, and even that I put up a fight on.

You see the shift, the cranky bitter aura that oozes out of me when I go down that path? How unjust this situation is. It must be a defense mechanism. Outrage. How dare they. Ugh. What do I do with that? I just want to get it out of my system, it always just wants someone to sit next to him on a bench and kick the dirt with him and go "I know dude, it's fucked up. We've gotta find a solution for this. I'll help, I'll look around and see who I know. Maybe we can get a recommendation or a referral or a personal connection or something." I feel like he would respond well to that. Like "I heard you, I agree with you that the world is fucked up and this kind of stuff shouldn't happen, but I'm reminding you that it is happening... and we're going to bring the best resources we can to make sure this problem is taken care of and handled properly."

I was... really unfocused and scattered and disoriented other than that thought pattern. The outrage logic made sense to me. The rest was very overwhelming and hard to engage with, hard to really process. It put me on my heels I guess, I don't know, I kinda just felt foggy or in a daze or something. Like it just hadn't hit me yet. Like I got the information, it was there, but I was kinda still buffering... so I don't just start freaking out and losing my shit? I guess. It makes sense. Like a mental buffer state to afford me room to self-soothe and prepare for the next dose of realization. So it doesn't hit me all at once. Because I'm very very emotionally sensitive. That must be what I've subconsciously devised. It has to be. And when it's active, I can get kinda non-responsive I guess? Guarded, succinct, withdrawn, suspicious? Stuff like that? I'm still not sure.

So that's two pretty distinctly different personality states displayed right there. The sorta brooding, untrusting recently-hurt, grieving Me. And the outraged, what is wrong with the world?, grumpy bitter Dr. House kinda Me. They're both very different, but very closely connected, they deal in the same business. Self-protection. Caution. Defense. And I'm not sure who's easier to deal with? Honestly, and this might be the disorienting part for others, but I think the outraged Me is easier to deal with. Like easier to calm down and reason with. Scared pouting emo Me is... like a moody teenager, and really hard to crack the secret code of. He really doesn't like giving out information, he doesnt trust people and kinda tries to work around it by enticing people to find the information themselves? Through clues and proposed empathy scenarios, allegories, etc. Ways to kinda... well, now that I think about it, kinda require empathy? Like, either be empathetic or... you're not getting anything? I guess? I don't know, this is my first time really truly exploring this part of my psyche, I never really question it in the moment. I need compassion so badly that I just sorta only cooperate by presenting empathetic scenarios. And most people I encounter with trauma issues (like fucking all of them) see an invitation (...that isn't entirely optional? so... kind of a demand, I guess) to put themselves in the shoes of a traumatized person. Yeah... I can see how that's gonna set off a powderkeg. Yeah, that doesn't work. I mean... I have to give myself some credit here. I do have good intentions. And I'm making my needs very clearly announced. But I guess this way of approaching it is a bad habit. I erased the word "very" to be a little fair with myself. I've had a long day and I don't want to be any harsher on myself than I need to be. I think I need to work on this. But that state is one of the hardest for me to access in the moment. It's a very primal part of me, I think. Something that deals with very close, very painful traumas. I think it's very deep near the brainstem, so it can be very tricky to reach, and to copilot with. So I can make it a longer term goal, for right now... I need support. I can't rely on overriding PTSD responses like this when I have important medical stuff I need to take care of.

The fight with my mom started very quickly and went on for a long time. I didn't look at the clock. It was very bad. We learned a lot in the last bit of it, but it was very bad. And I don't want to relive it. So... we're going to see where it goes tomorrow. She knows someone that works at the Animal Hospital, a friend of many years. She's going to check in with her and see if she can hook me up with a vet in my new town. See if she can pull some strings. My current vet would but she literally just moved here 2 weeks ago, and she was on her 3rd day of work at this hospital when I first saw her. She is probably the worst vet that I could be paired up with for this situation, but she's a really really nice and knowledgeable person, so I'm trying to be polite and kind, but I really need some people higher up in the hospital to get involved here to use some connections, because I really don't want my cat to get more sick. She's already suffering enough, and the blood tests have been a lot too, I really don't want her to miss treatment on top of that. She deserves better than that.

So we came out of the call with a solution. I made buffalo chicken ramen with string cheese in it because I was out of other cheeses. And apple juice that I got for free from the grocery store. I tried to feed Max but she wouldn't eat. So I played with her for a bit, and she did play, but she didn't eat after. She doesn't even really get up and play anymore, she just lays there and bats at it, then runs and chases for a little bit, then lays down again. :( It's really hard, but at least she's having fun! You know? I just want her to be happy. She gets so many cuddles, so I really want to balance this feeling out a bit because I'm crying. And it's okay to cry. I love her very much. I just really hope she has more time than I'm afraid she does. I hope this isn't like my dog, where one day things are fine and then literally the next day... So, okay, lets just ground a bit, because crying is one thing and is really good and cathartic emotional expression... but catastrophizing is an extension off of that. This isn't the same situation as my dog. She has been on a decline, yes. But that decline has been going on for a while... like... years. So yes, it's possible she may take a turn quickly. But that isn't the trend currently. I hope. I will pay more attention, that's something I can do about this, just keep checking in with her throughout the day.

So yeah, that was basically most of it. I really have to pee, I'm gonna check on my girl while I'm up because she's not here.

I got her to follow me into the bedroom, I sat on the floor and played with her a bit. She just sorta lays her hips out and slumps onto the floor. I guess Cerry used to do that a bit too, now that I think about it. I pet her on the hips with a little too much pressure and noticed the discomfort and apologized. After we played she walked into the bathroom, I think... I hope she comes back in and hangs out in bed. I'm not sure why she's in the other room instead, she's usually in here with me.

I hope its not because of the fight. Or the supplements. I don't know.

I'm a bit paranoid right now that since I've like barely ever left my cat's side and I'm always at home, that I'm not seeing how old or hurt she's getting. That it's visually noticeable that she is an old cat that is getting sick. And I just visually don't see it. The way you just don't really smell what your house smells like? And then you leave for like a week and come back and it's just like... whoa. I get that especially bad due to my frequent periods of a severe lack of executive function. Yet another insecurity! Yay!

The one piece from the day that I didn't get to was that I started filling out an application thing for Betterhelp. I'm going to give it a try. I got to the part where you put in your credit card and just put it off for the night. Mr. Moon was streaming and I kinda just wanted to be around friends. Even if they aren't my friends. Just like, be in close proximity to the experience of being around friends. For old time's sake, I guess. I don't know. It's definitely an addiction of mine.

So... tomorrow I need to follow up with my mom and her call to the vet. I need to call the vet myself, to make sure the ointment is called in to the correct pharmacy. Maybe I can have her do that too? Either way. And I need to finish the thing for Betterhelp and get set up with someone to talk to. I have a pretty specific idea of what I need to figure out a plan with this time. I've done therapy more than anyone I know. I actually have a bit of a framework to work with now, to form a plan. The problem is... it's not simple at all. And it's a really long story to piece together to have it all make sense. Like... I need to work on this incommunicado-while-traumatized thing (which used to be complete silence and glares), which I deliberately evolved into what it is now: kinda entrapping people into empathy since it's what I need in that moment. I need to work on the hyperarousal/hypervigilance, get some good survival and quality of life techniques with that. And I need to figure out how to get a stable social network together when I'm such an unstable Libra. To help me stabilize, so that I can bring my stabilizing skills to full effect. Also in processing grief. Because that's still a thing and I'm scared I might have more coming before long.

I do not want to end on that note. I remember not long ago I was saying I wanted to balance out the feeling of sadness and wanting to cry. I don't even know what to say, it's that "planned stream of consciousness" thing all over again. I wanted to say something nice about Max's life. I give her vanilla ice cream sometimes, like her dog-sister before her. Because it's just cream... and I mean, the sugar probably isn't great but it isn't gonna kill her.

Okay, so I just looked up hyperthyroidism. I was ready for it to be like a doom-WebMD kinda thing. It really wasn't that bad. I mean, radiation therapy is scary, and her needing to be hospitalized for that for like 2 weeks? I mean... there's gotta be a better way than that. And this woman was suggesting an ointment or pills? I'm guessing the pills would be methimazole, but I went with the ointment... You know... I --- okay, I'm just gonna calm my brain down a bit. Again, I was planning on saying that it wasn't that bad. Treatments can lead to full remission. It said on the page - old age is not a disease. It helped. She deserves a shot. And she's not that old. She's old and had a long youthful life where the average age for this thing is like 12, she's 16 so she's actually on the later side with it. But I'm... yeah, I have no idea how much time she has left, not even a ballpark. I just really hope she has more. And I want to give her as much as I can. Without making her life a living hell in order to do so. So I'm going to pay close attention to that. There's also a dietary method to treating it, which means no treats... but it can completely reverse it too through iodine so... maybe it's worth a chat since I'm overhauling her diet anyway?

I'll shoot my mom a text about the pharmacy mistake and then I really should get to bed. If I can. It's 7 AM. I'm a bit freaked out. But I am tired. So... yeah.

Wasn't expecting a big life-change dump like this today. I know I was expecting the lab results and anticipated them coming back positive, but... not this quick. So... yeah... one day at a time. Really could use some friends to like... get over whatever stupid grudges they have with me over petty shit and just like... be nice to me. Because I'm scared, and overwhelmed, and could really just use some kindness and maybe someone to be really nice and playful and sweet with her before her time runs out. Would be nice. I think she's earned it.

#diary #journal #online diary #stream of consciousness #spilled thoughts

1 note · View note