#why did ok autocorrect to ok

[lanarchive]

[inonibird]

Ok, so because I have written a good deal of the Sahuldeem series directly on my phone, this has resulted in a lot of strange autocorrects (unsurprising, given all the Kaleesh words and funky Star Wars names), but none are as funny as two incidents: one butchering a character’s name in a hilarious way, the other inadvertently creating a horrifying crackship.

One: that one time when “T’chooka D’oon” became “T’chocolate Doom”.

and Two, this exchange from the original script of the final confrontation between Qymaen and San Hill in Part Four:

QYMAEN Regret? 

With a swift motion and in a flurry of durasheet paperwork, Qymaen propels himself forward across the desk and snatches the front of the Muun’s tunic. Qymaen levers himself into a standing position, hauling San Hill up with him so he is face-to-face in his grasp. Hill is rightly petrified.

QYMAEN The only regret I have is selling my soul to spineless scum like you.

SAN HILL Sexy

[yeokii]

user yeokii 🥰🤗

user urszn 😱😱

[kimtranssexler]

The transgender fladg is so beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[anachronistic-falsehood]

WHISKEY HOLY SHIT if u watch danny phantom im gonna be sooooo annoying @ you forever. holy shit. as for places to watch. if u happen to have paramount+ its on there, but if not the internet archive has all of season one here

https://archive.org/details/13-fright-night/01+-+Mystery+Meat.mp4

(i couldnt find season 2 or 3 but im sure theyre on there somewhere. plenty of those watch cartoons online websites have them too but those are more sketchy lmao. dailymotion used to have a bunch of full episodes but im not sure if those are still up?? if u need em i would GLADLY go looking tho)

I WILL FIND A PLACE 2 WATCH IT I WILL!!! i used to watch steven universe on like kisscartoon or w/e don’t worry my phone is already probably riddled with viruses <3 what’s a few more

I KNOWWWWW ITS PROBABLY NOT LIKE A SUPER GREAT SHOW BUT THE FANDOM SEEMS SO COOL AND I LOVE ALL THE WORK THEY MAKE AUAGUAUAGAUGHH. butch hartman my detested i h8 u. but i am very intrigued by the concept of a cool ghost boy fighting bad guys. i’ve come across many headcanons the fandom has made and i love when a fandom just. takes characters from a shitty creator like “they’re mine now <3” ig i’m more interested in the fandom but the show seems rly cool too and i never watched it as a kid so yk what i’ll watch it as a whole ass adult!!! thog don’t caare!!!!

[soubiapologist]

bought this stupid thang just to feel alive…………….. ✌🏻😤

[bathroomcorpse]

john darnielle i have à metaphorical gun to ur head play some ffg when i see u in april. you haven’t done it the other 2 times i saw u but third times the charm right

[iamred-iamyellow]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Encontrar tu media naranja

♥ pairing: lando norris x latina!fem!singer!reader

♥ synopsis: during one of your concerts a fan threw their phone up on stage. after you finished recording a video, you tried tossing it back to them and ended up accidentally hitting a world famous f1 driver in the face

♥ smau - none of the pictures are mine - face claim: alexa demie

♥ warnings: swearing, blood, accidental violence lol !!!

♥ a/n: if I had a nickel for every time I wrote a fanfic about finding love by getting hit in the face with object I'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice. + ignore spelling errors in my Spanish please some of it autocorrected lol

♥ masterlist

You turned your back towards the crowd as people cheered. You raised the phone in your hand up high to get as many people in the video as possible. After you ended the recording, you clicked the phone off and tried tossing it back to the original fan that threw it on stage.

There was an audible gasp from the crowd around the barricades as the phone hit a man's face. You covered your gaping mouth with your hand as you realized what you'd just done.

Your jaw was still dropped as you tried to speak.

"¿Estás bien?" you questioned.

(are you okay?)

You panicked internally as you tried to think of what to do.

"Can we get him some help?" you said, turning your gaze towards a few security guards.

"Todo el mundo por favor retroceda."

(everyone please stand back)

Security walked the man and his party out of the stadium rendering you absolutely speechless.

"Uhm," you said into the mic. "Did you get your phone back?" you asked the initial fan with an embarrassed expression.

liked by carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, and 743,684 more

landonorris aftermath

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yourusername IM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OK

user6 HOW HARD DID SHE THROW THAT PHONE 😭😭😭

user9 miss girl can THROWWW

user1 y/n l/n baseball career when?

user7 girl needs to be pitching for the red sox, fuck 😭

user5 I feel so bad for laughing so hard

user10 the piss poor bandages on his nose-

user4 why is there so much blood holy shit

user12 didn't know Lando was a fan of her

user14 pretty sure Carlos dragged him to her concert lol

user2 not his friends laughing at him 💀

user18 someone drop the video

user16 is he okay?!?!

user17 meet cute 😍

user1 WHY IS THIS IS SO FUNNY

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, and 563,932 more

yourusername safe to say he forgave me

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user7 STUNNER

user1 you can throw a phone at my face any time 🤷‍♀️

user6 LANDO NOWINS NO MORE

user9 I will never get over this 😭

user18 it was just an inchident

user16 wait she wasn't wearing that while she was there??

user19 pretty sure that was a pic of her at whatever after parties they went to lol

user14 Florida nights are cold as fuck

user4 do you think Carlos is jealous of all the attention Lando is getting from her

user2 the poly fics write themselves

user10 oh my god YESSS!!!

user50 why does f1 invite celebrities that know nothing about the sport???

user12 not her wearing landos merch

user3 im sure he made her wear it lmaoo

user5 LANDO'S FIRST WIN

user17 P1 LETS FUCKING GO

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

-A Few Months Later-

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend, and 238,849 more

yourusername @ landonorris

view comments

carlossainz55 and this was the same guy who was complaining about going to her concert a few months ago

landonorris if I remember correctly that concert ended pretty badly for me

user12 you got a girlfriend out of it I’d call that a win

user40 @/user12 they're not dating ???

user10 find someone who smiles at you the way they smile at each other

user9 they’re so cute

user3 don’t be shy drop the picture(s) he took of her

user7 I need him I fear

user8 📱👃

user1 hes so cute

user13 just date already

user15 you're so pretty

user17 I will literally never forget her breaking his nose lmaooo

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

liked by landonorris, kaliuchis, carlossainz55, and 656,943 more

yourusername my new single "encontrar tu media naranja" is out now 🧡

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user8 ok but why does the guy in the music video look like lando...

user7 oh my god

user13 I see the vision

user9 YOURE ONTO SOMETHING

user1 Kali Uchis collab when?

user12 literally begging for a song with her, kali, and peso pluma

user3 orange sodas >>>

user24 📱👃

user11 this song is so good 🧡

user18 who's the guy in the mv???

user19 shes gorgeous

user17 I love her

user25 wait this is the singer that broke lando's nose

user5 🧡🧡🧡

˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend, carlossainz55 and 472,396 more

yourusername encontré a mi otra mitad

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landonorris te amo querida 🧡

yourusername 🧡

user5 bro's adorable

user2 encontrar tu media naranja? more like econtrar tu media papaya

user1 that's an interesting angle

user9 Lando still doesn't know how to make a heart with his hands lmao 😭

user7 I FUCKING KNEW IT !!!

user11 YESSS

user14 and now they're married with five kids

user18 mom and dad

carlossainz55 formally known as lando "who's y/n?"Norris

landonorris ive grown since then

user12 fuck Romeo and Juliet I want what they have

user6 so the song WAS about lando

user8 and it all started with a phone 📱

user10 I'm tearing up

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me as Tumblr #32

Thirteen: DO WEREWOLVES HAVE TOE BEANS

Asmodeus: Of course they have toe beans, what else do you suck on

Thirteen: If there is a god, mine is surely a trickster, giving me the miracle of sight and of comprehension only for me to be cursed to use it on what you just said

•

Leviathan: Jesus was a carpenter in his youþ and ðerefore his physique would not be ðat of a Twink þanks for coming to my Ted Talk

Asmodeus: I agree with you but you have to stop trying to bring back the thorn and eth

Lucifer: Look me in the eye and tell me that is the only problem you have with this post

•

MC: Whenever I eat mushrooms I think about how one day mushrooms are gonna eat me…I make sure to chew really gently so they’ll return the favor to my corpse

Diavolo: Hey OP

MC: Me, through a mouth of gently-chewed mushrooms: yeah?

•

Leviathan: Ra ra rasputin Russia’s smallest uwu bean

Solomon: This post snuck up behind me and stole my spine like sub-zero

•

Solomon: I got the words jacuzzi and yakuza confused

Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia

Satan: I don’t want to like it, but I did

•

Mammon: When will TED himself…finally show up to the Talk?

Diavolo: The final boss

Lucifer: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks right?

Mammon: I will not let TED hide behind these lies any longer

•

Asmodeus: If I were dating you, well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn’t be called ‘horses’ anymore.

Mephistopheles: Hey what the fuck does this mean

Mephistopheles: I’m shaking what does this mean

•

Simeon: Is the person running the blog, thebootydiaries ok

Asmodeus: Sometimes I get the overwhelming desire to eat two thirds of a brick

Solomon: What do you do with the other third

Asmodeus: Feed it to my pet brother

Belphegor: I’m crying in class

•

Diavolo:

Hail Satan

Rain Satan

Snow Satan

Barbatos: Tomorrow there’s a 90% chance of percipisatan

Lucifer: It’ll be foggy in the morning, lots of condensatan

Satan: STOP

•

Satan: I hope the person who created the first pun died a horrible, horrible death

Mammon: It would’ve had to be a pretty killer pun though

Satan: NO

Barbatos: You could say you want him to be…punished?

•

Asmodeus: Bigfoot, but fully shaved

Mammon: Mr Clean

Luke: Posts like this are why I have anxiety

•

Mephistopheles: Dark emails

To whom it WILL concern

Raphael: NOW THAT THIS EMAIL HAS FOUND YOU

Barbatos: I hope this email finds you before I do

•

Lucifer: No more discourse everybody shut the fuck up and eat some bread

Simeon: Jesus at the last supper

•

Mephistopheles: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS

Lucifer: And here we have a capitalist

Mephistopheles: Did you just

Solomon: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history and human language and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible

•

Solomon: I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 is Roman numerals

I M LIVID

Satan: Everyone go home, puns are done

•

Luke: Still don’t know how to spell spagetti without autocorrect

Raphael: Where’s the h

Luke: An H???

Last •

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 4 - agoraphobia and burger king on 5th street

summary: a personal experience provides a way for newt to connect to y/n.

warnings: strong language, mental health talk, depression, medication (its my literal prescription i mention oops this is like a self insert fr), mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

--

THE GLADE

[ 10:52 am ]

y/n: it’s official yall

drugs saved my life

tommy: huh??

minho: same

newt: wow, i’ve never seen your name on my screen before 12 pm

y/n: shut the hell up bitch

newt: ouch, touchy

minho: woah

touchy 👀

are yallll..?

y/n: you’re sick

tommy: are we going to ignore the drugs statement??

like hello are u ok ??

newt: you’re annoying minho

minho: yea <3 😊

notice how they didn’t say no

y/n: you guys just don’t understand how a girl like me needs beauty sleep..

and no we aren’t

gally: all that beauty sleep and ur still walking around with that mug.. yikes.

y/n: 😑

i hate you i haete you i dhateoyifu

minho: great she’s having a fit

y/n: no one cares about me

and you think i’m ugly

this is so sick

and you don’t even care that i’m on drugs

☹️😭😭😭😭 done.

newt: no one said that love

gally that was rude

minho: BRUHHHHH

here she goes

tommy: I CAREE????????

DO I NEED TO COMEGET YOU????

y/n: yes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

before i do something crazy 😭😭💣

minho: THE BOMB IS WILD

tommy: stay where you are

i have your location

newt: uhhh

y/n: pause what

minho: tommy why would you admit to that

tommy: im On my way! what’s the issue

sorry autocorrect

y/n: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY LOCATION????

gally: can you guys shut the fuck up

minho: the drama queen is here 😍

gally: stop

alby: I have it on Life360, I imagine Thomas does as well. In fact I have all of your locations.

y/n: oh

i forgot about that app..

minho: i didn’t. i get a notif that newt’s phone is at 5% all the goddamn time

even tho he said he deleted it

newt: just turn it off then

i redownloaded it don't track my app intake

minho: no it makes me feel less lonely

y/n: awwwww

idk how you do that newt

newt: do what?

y/n: not charge your phone

if my phone gets below like 15% then the monsters will get me

tommy: omg me tooo 🥹

newt: i was about to say you sound like tommy.

tommy: don’t say that!

she’s on drugs i don’t want to sound like an addict 😔

newt: she isn’t on drugs thomas

tommy: she literally said she is newt :/

5 mins and i’m there y/n

y/n: are you actually fr

thomas..

we live very far away sweetie

newt: i mean

if you were in trouble you don’t think we’d come get you?

tommy: ^^

but life360 says you’re at the burger king on 5th

minho: no that’s me LOOOL

y/n: NEWTTT ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

tommy: wtf

i’m the one who’s coming to get u

why does he get the credit

minho: no tommy you’re coming to get me

tommy: oh yippee i get to see my friend 🤗

newt: ewwwwww

y/n: EWWWWW

tommy: OH STOP IT

y/n: why burger king of all places min

minho: why drugs of all things y/n

gally: she’s not doing drugs are you guys fuckin insane

y/n: yes i am

it’s 10 mg of fluoxetine 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ONCE A DAY!!!!!!

IM ADDICTED

newt: no you aren’t, 10 mg is the smallest dose

minho: told y’all she was on drugs

y/n: ???????

minho: over the year

you’re too hyper to not be on some crack shit

tommy: oh stop that’s not nice.

newt: it’s not drugs like that minho stop.

tommy: uhoh he brought out the . at the end

y/n: it’s just for anxiety cuz i can’t leave the house without going into a breakdown

minho: she got acrophobia

told y’all she was mental

newt: what the fuck are you talking about

tommy: oh i know that word

fear of spiders 🕷️

minho: wtf no

fear of outside

y/n: i’m not afraid of outside

newt: that’s agoraphobia you fucking dumbass

y/n: 😍

i did NOT mean to send that lol oops

newt: ??

oh, okay

minho: when he’s a know it all 😍

when she’s agoraphobic 😍

y/n: when he’s at burger king on 5th because he has no food in his fridge and can only afford a $1.99 whopper with the coupons from the newspaper 😍😍😍😍

minho: 😒😑

newt: LMFAOOOO

GOOD THAT

minho: british people be so annoying

saying shit like gormless minger and good that be sooo real rn

newt: i have never said gormless minger in my whole 26 years of life.

y/n: you just did bro

newt: call me bro again

y/n: bro

brosive

brother

stepbro

minho: laughed until i saw the last msg :/

newt: 😑

y/n: ok youre the perverts

minho: cant you take your prozac and turn back to normal now

y/n: so you DO know what it is..

gally: wym 'back to normal' like there was smth before this??

y/n: real i been like this for life

tommy: i got whopper and two large fries and mozzarella sticks

newt: wow

y/n: wow just call him a fatass newt.

newt: i would never, stop

y/n: 2 large fries is kinda crazy tho

tommy: i have to get enough to share with my friend

minho

gally: surprised you have friends

tommy: yeah you are not one.

gally: RUDE?

y/n: WELL LMFAO

minho: i literally already ate also gally ur not my friend either

newt: same

alby: same

gally: well why tf am i in here

y/n: well you're my friend!

gally: great.

y/n: not with that attitude..

tommy: y/n you're ok though right??

y/n: yes tommy im fine sweetie

go eat your food

tommy: okay i wish you could share these fries with me

y/n: me too :(

minho: i don't

big back would eat em all

y/n: i actually hate you

__

newt

[ 11:45 am ]

newt: hey

y/n: hiii :D whats up??

newt: idk why but this feels like secretly texting you across the room at a party

y/n: actually tho

picture me giving u a look from across the room

newt: you would blow our cover immediately

i just wanted to let you know if you needed any like,, advice or something with your new medicine i'm here for you. i take the same stuff on top of lexapro

y/n: oh really?

newt: yeah i do

y/n: newt :( thank you

i am a bit nervous to start it tbh

newt: i understand, i was too

but hopefully it'll change things for the better

y/n: i hope so

i didn't realize you dealt with anxiety n stuff

newt: more than you know

you aren't the only one and you aren't alone w it

y/n: you're sweet newt, thank you

newt: don't mention it :))

sorry the smiley was creepy

y/n: lmao no i like it

if you need to talk or anything too i’m always here

newt: yeah?

y/n: of course ): you’re my pookie

newt: one day you gotta let go of that word lmao

y/n: but you love it tho

newt: you tell yourself that

actually are you free rn?

y/n: yeah! i’m just about home what’s up?

newt: i’m bored so pick up the phone

y/n: NEWT LMAO

ok fine 😒

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman Groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive language, might be offensive idk (lmk if it is so i should take it down if necessary) , mentions of birth, mentions of alcohol and weed, gayness

Desc: it's Mitsuya's day of birth

Chifuyu: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MITSUYA-KUN ⚠️❗💜😋😁

Baji: what's up with the emoji's

Mitsuya: thanks Chifuyu

Baji: happy getting out of the pussy day

Mitsuya: 😐

Kazutora: didn't he get circumcised?

Mitsuya: man what

Baji: ...

Baji: fuck that gotta do with what i just said

Baji: you just say shit

Kazutora: i'm talking about his birth method

Kazutora: keep up, Keisuke 😐

Chifuyu: you're so fucking stupid

Kazutora: HOW AM I STUPID

Kazutora: Mitsuya's mom was circumcised

Kazutora: it wasn't a vaginal birth

Kazutora: he was essentially removed, rather than birthed

Baji: "he was essentially removed, rather than birthed🤓👆"

Mikey: bro how do you even know that?

Chifuyu: R U TALKING ABOUT A C-SECTION????

Kazutora: IS THAT WHAT I FUCKING SAID?? NO

Kazutora: i hate talking to stupid mf's 🙄

Baji: i don't understand why people say i'm the stupidest

Draken: *most stupid

Draken: you honestly proved everyone's point

Baji: fuck off

Mitsuya: ok you guys can shut up now

Draken: happy birthday Takashi

Draken: my sworn brother

Draken: my other half

Draken: my twin dragon

Draken: love ya man

Mitsuya: thank you Draken🙂

Baji: did u have socks on

Draken: ...?

Baji: you can't say "i love ya" and "my other half" without any socks on

Baji: it implies a sense homosexuality

Baji: but if you have socks on then it's fine

Draken: i'm sick of you

Baji: bro doesn't have any socks on 💀

Mitsuya: you guys can shut up now x2

Mitsuya: also

Mitsuya: you don't all have to say happy birthday just say it when we meet up cause i feel awkward saying thank you to every single one of you

Mikey: hope you enjoyed my birthday present 💪😎

Mitsuya: yeah...

Mitsuya: the half eaten taiyaki

Mitsuya: appreciate it

Mikey: anything for the homies ❤

Mitsuya: 😒

Draken: where's Hakkai

Draken: surprised he hasn't said anything about your birthday

Mitsuya: he's planning a surprise birthday party

Baji: surprise🤨?

Mitsuya: he told me not to not text him cause he's busy with my surprise birthday party

Mitsuya: i don't think he realized that he told me

Mitsuya: i don't wanna bum him out so i'll still act surprised

Mitsuya: i appreciate it either way

Chifuyu: Takemitchy, Angry and I have been helping him plan this for weeks, and he just fucking told you😐

Mitsuya: i guess lol

Mitsuya: also said he has a surprise for me

Baji: he's gonna tongue you down, i just know it

Mitsuya: stfu

Mikey: are y'all together or not

Mitsuya: don't know what you're taking about

Draken: bro's taking his time

Mikey: Mitsuya you're 21 now

Mikey: it's been 8 years???😭

Smiley: i may not have a birthday present but i'll bring queer and weed

Smiley: since y'all follow the law or whatnot and you're legal now

Smiley: hypocrites

Draken: what's wrong with following the law?

Smiley: you think beating people half to death was fucking legal, Draken?

Draken: well... no

Draken: doesn't mean we should abuse substances, underage

Smiley: ❤H Y P O C R I T E❤

Smiley: and a lot of the people we know smoke so idk why you're all the way in my ass rn

Draken: yeah but cigarettes aren't drugs

Smiley: weed >>>>> cigarettes

Draken: the ability to breath when i'm in my thirties >>>>

Smiley: fair

Baji: wdym you'll bring a queer and weed🤨

Smiley: why would i bring a queer when Mitsuya is literally right there

Smiley: i meant beer

Smiley: pride month changing my damn autocorrect😒

Kazutora: stop saying slurs

Smiley: bro the gays reclaimed that shit

Smiley: it's a blanket term for the ABCDEFG community or whatever the fuck

Draken: i feel like you're being homophobic

Smiley: nuh uh

Smiley: dude look

Smiley: 👬 👭

Smiley: see?😁

Smiley: am i still homophobic?

Baji: he got us there

Draken: wha-

Draken: what the fuck is that supposed to prove?

*Hakkai has gone online*

Hakkai: HI TAKA-CHAN

Hakkai: could you please come over to my place for no particular reason?🤔

Hakkai: hmmmm, it kinda feels like i'm forgetting something

Hakkai: maybe like, a public holiday?

Hakkai: who knows?🤷‍♂️

Hakkai: anyway

Hakkai: let's hang out like the regular days in which we are normal 🤗

Hakkai: see you soon 😁

Mitsuya: ...

Mitsuya: yeah sure Hakkai

Mitsuya: be right over

Hakkai: ❤

*Hakkai has gone offline*

Mikey: 💀

Chifuyu: i hate him

Baji: did he even fucking try

[whyse7vn]

I AM NOT UR GF -

[ ot7 x reader ]

SEOKJIN -

y/n: i’ll kill you

jin: i’m into that

y/n: ur going to hell

jin: i’ll take you with me

y/n: i’m going to heaven i’m an angel

jin: my angel

y/n: gross

jin: only for you

y/n: we are not together

jin: ???

sorry i can’t read

y/n: clearly

jin: take ur clothes off

y/n: ???

jin: sorry autocorrect

y/n: why did you tell the boys we are dating?

jin: i did?

lmao yeah i did

sorry i could never lie to the loml like that

y/n: what?

jin: ur on my will

y/n: happy one day to us 🥂❤️

jin: i like being used

y/n: yk what i’m having second thoughts

jin: as long as it’s you using me

y/n: uncomfortable rn

jin: i’ll make you comfortable

y/n: ur the cause

jin: ur my cause ❤️

y/n: what does that even mean??

jin: kiss me

y/n: leave me alone i’m tired

jin: i’ll build you a bed

y/n: what

jin: i cook

y/n: ur like 62

jin: age is a construct

y/n: ur gonna get arrested with a mindset like that

jin: would go to jail 10x over for you

y/n: out of context this looks insane

jin: you make me insane

and keep me sane ❤️

y/n: what

are you drunk?

jin: a bit

y/n: yikes

jin: my hips work

y/n: i would hope so?

jin: use me

y/n: you need to be put down immediately

JIMIN -

y/n: ummmmm?????

jimin: ummmmm?????

y/n: i am not ur gf

jimin: ummmmm?????

y/n: why are you telling people i’m ur gf

jimin: ummmmm?????

y/n: ummmmm?????

jimin: i thought it was time to tell people

y/n: tell people lies???

jimin: we are always together anyways i am doing us a favour tbh

y/n: “am” so ur still actively telling people that we are together?

jimin: ur so smart this is why i love you 😘

y/n: so were you in love with me when you flirted with the waitress right in front of me when we went out YESTERDAY?

jimin: why were you jealous?? 😏

y/n: ur actually insane like clinically insane

jimin: it was a moment of weakness babe 🥺

y/n: moment of weakness??

you have like 20 of those a day

jimin: omg i’m just a natural flirt yk i can’t help it 😞

y/n: i think the word ur looking for is whore?

jimin: I AM NOT A WHORE

y/n: yeah ok

jimin: unless you want me to be a whore then i’m the biggest whore you know honestly and truly!!!!!!

y/n: ur gross

jimin: ofc i’ll marry you!

y/n: ???

jimin: wow i’m so emotional rn

i love you i’m so excited for our future

i know some people may say we’re moving to fast but idc the truth is that i’m so in love with you i can hardly breathe!!!

y/n: get actual help.

HOSEOK -

hobi: we

y/n: no

hobi: us

y/n: no

hobi: hands held

y/n: no

hobi: mouth 2 mouth

y/n: still no

hobi: i told my parents about us

y/n: ur mother is gonna beat ur ass for lying

hobi: i told the boys about us

y/n: we are not together

hobi: the company is next

y/n: you won’t live to see another day if you do

hobi: i hope our kids have ur eyes

y/n: i can report you for harassment you know?

hobi: my pretty gf

i love you ^^

y/n: blushed for a second

that’s all you’ll ever get out of me

hobi: ur soosososososo cute

σ(≧ε≦σ) ♡

i’m gonna eat you

y/n: this isn’t right

hobi: this is the rightest thing ever

y/n: go outside or something

hobi: come with me

y/n: there is no hope for the kids these days 😞

JUNGKOOK -

y/n: DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT IS TO BE FLIRTING WITH THE KIM MINGYU AND FOR HIM TO BE LIKE “ARE YOU NOT DATING JK?”

jk: i’m going to kill myself

y/n: ARE YOU SICK IN THE HEAD IM GOING TO FIND YOU AND KILL YOU

jk: i’m already dead

y/n: GOOD

jk: i can’t believe you talk to other men

oh my god i cjant breathe rn iMmm loosing vision hhe lp mmme…

y/n: IM SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU OH MY GODODJD

jk: so like did you did you tell him we’re together or…

y/n: NO U SICKX SICK FUCK

I TOLD HIM NO IM NOT WITH FUCKING JUNGKOOK ARE YOU OUT OF UR MIND

jk: wow

in all caps like that?? a bit harsh

y/n: FUCK YOU

jk: pls stop shouting yk im a sensitive soul

y/n: WHY DID YOU TELL HIM WE ARE TOGETHER????????

jk: i didn’t tell him directly omg?

i messaged him

y/n: WTF IS UR PROBLEM????

jk: WAIT DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH MINGYU?????????????????????

WHAT THE FUCKCKCKDK

y/n: i hate you

i’ve never wanted to push someone out of a building so bad until i met you

jk: that’s kinda cute

you think of me??

i love you too

y/n: you have 3 days to live

jk: as long as i’m with you nothing can take me out

y/n: shut the fuck up

yk know whose taking me out tho?

mingyu 🥰

jk: what

y/n: ?

jk: i have dispatch on the phone rn

y/n: tell them

being mingyu’s gf publicly? a dream come true tbh 😍

jk: when ur new bf is kicked out his group becomes broke and is living on the streets i’m sure ur dream will be alive and well

y/n: oh it will

with my baby through thick and thin 🤞🏽

jk: i’m going to kill myself

y/n: idc!

jk: i love you

TAEHYUNG -

y/n: stop telling people we are dating i will block you

tae: did you know i need u girl was about you

y/n: didn’t even know you then

tae: i’ve always known you

y/n: creepy as hell

tae: to some

y/n: to all

tae: why don’t you want me

y/n: ur not mark lee

tae: i’m kim taehyung

y/n: exactly

tae: you could get jumped for saying stuff like that these days

y/n: oh well

it was worth it

tae: i wish you knew

i wish you knew i wanted you

y/n: i know

and you got the lyrics completely wrong

tae: my lyrics may be wrong but my feelings for you aren’t

y/n: are you not with jennie?

tae: stfu?

y/n: loser

tae: she’s not my type

you are 😘

y/n: wishing i was jennie hours 😞🙏🏽

tae: you’ll will literally never be happy without me

y/n: that’s so crazy cuz i’m like over the moon rn

tae: that’s because i’m messaging you

y/n: pretty sure it’s because i’m not with you but whatever helps you sleep at night

tae: you help me sleep at night

y/n: tough

tae: :(

YOONGI -

y/n: i’m ur girlfriend now?

yoongi: what?

y/n: you’re telling people i’m your girlfriend?

yoongi: might be true might be false

y/n: kinda crazy

yoongi: do you not want to me my girlfriend?

y/n: no?

yoongi: 😢

y/n: cry me a river

yoongi: i will

then i’ll drown myself in it

y/n: dramatic much?

yoongi: i just got my heart broken can you have someone sympathy

y/n: L

yoongi: maybe like kiss me on the lips or something and i’ll be better idk tho

y/n: is min yoongi being open and honest with me rn???

times have changed i must say

yoongi: having a gf does that to a man

y/n: really?

yoongi: yep being in love is crazy

y/n: love? so it’s pretty serious between you two then?

yoongi: yeah i’m gonna marry her

y/n: wowwww how long have you guys been together then?

yoongi: 3 years in my head but i only started telling people 3 days ago

y/n: you are not right in the head

yoongi: love is crazy

y/n: i think it’s just you fr

yoongi: 🥲

NAMJOON -

y/n: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

namjoon: hi

y/n: shut ur mouth

namjoon: 🤐

y/n: we are NOT together

N

O

T

together

do you understand?

namjoon: 🚫❌⁉️

y/n: well start understanding

namjoon: 🙅🏻‍♂️🚫

y/n: i’m sick and tired of you

namjoon: 🙎🏽‍♀️➡️👨‍⚕️🏥

y/n: bye

namjoon: 🥺

y/n: what is with ur obsession with me???

are you that bitchless omg??

namjoon: logically speaking

y/n: you have never spoke a logical word in your life

namjoon: okay nvm

y/n: namjoon you are down ridiculously bad at first it was cute i WAS blushing and giggling now i’m just concerned

namjoon: date me

y/n: that is NOT how you ask a girl out

namjoon: help me out here

y/n: i will not help you in the slightest

namjoon: that’s just mean

y/n: ur a freak

namjoon: am not

y/n: you so are

namjoon: go on a date with me

y/n: where is the the question mark?? are you asking me or telling me??

namjoon: ur being ridiculous

go on a date with me?

there

y/n: hehehehehhehehehe

okay!!!

namjoon: FR??

y/n: no lol

namjoon: that was so mean

y/n: :p

namjoon: dating me would probably mean free food for life

y/n: probably or definitely?

namjoon: *definitely

y/n: wait i’m kinda in love with you

namjoon: lol me 2 let’s makeout rn

y/n: i lied

namjoon: ur annoying

y/n: mwah

namjoon: did you just kiss me?

are you deeply attracted to me or something?

kinda cringe kinda hot i want you

y/n: didn’t know 2:25 am were your disgustingly desperate hours

namjoon: it’s not my fault it’s 2:25 in the morning and all i can think about is you

should i write i song about you?

would you be my gf then?

y/n: pls don’t

namjoon: it’s too late

y/n: if i go on a date with you will you shut the hell up and go to sleep

namjoon: YES

YESZYSS YES YES YES YES YESH

YESSYESYSYSYYDYD

yes

i might lol

y/n: see you tomorrow

namjoon: gn

y/n: gn

namjoon: gf 🤭

we hit 200 since when omg?? anyways feeling like i should do a “i’m not ur bf” ver but idk yet thoughts? u might get it next year or never but it’s the fact that i thought about writing it that counts!!

[seas-storyarchive]

Summary: Alastor knows how to use modern technology, he just likes to be a dick and be EXTRA by making everyone pissed at him for being old timey.

aka: Alastor is as modern as the rest of them, but he likes to be a fucking troll.

--

Alastor has a phone. Alastor has a PHONE! He had numbers in it.

Or, well, just one number, his only contact.

Rosie.

He can text too. But, given that Rosie is his only contact, she is subject to his questions in call and text form.

The texting usually goes as follows:

Alastor, Deer: Rosie! You won't believe what I saw on my walk!!!

Rosie, Flower: Whatever did you see, my deer?

Rosie: *dear. Autocorrect decided it was time to be funny.

Alastor, Deer: Hm?? Why would it..

Alastor, Deer: Nevermind

Rosie, Flower: Tell me what you saw

Alastor, Deer: Oh yes! Well, I saw this delightfully funny scene of a man getting attacked by a swarm of crows!

Rosie, Flower: Oh, really? Well, that sounds like it was fun to watch!

Alastor, Deer: It was!

Alastor, Deer: I must go, darling. Charlotte needs me to go do my job. Toodle loo!

Rosie, Flower: I'll see you later, darling

--

Alastor, Deer: I fucking hate this hotel..

Rosie, Flower: Ooh! Spill the tea!

Alastor, Deer: Vagatha is being a cunt, Angel is flirting with my cat - who looks like he wants to eat him, Niffty almost found my phone

Alastor, Deer: Charlotte and her daddy issues are pissing me off, Count Dumbfuckula is always leaving these ducking fucks all over the hotel!!

Rosie, Flower: Don't you mean fucking ducks?

Rosie, Flower: You could always come stay with me for a night

Alastor, Deer: pfft. No

Alastor, Deer: Alright. Want me to pick up anything?

Rosie, Flower: A giant tub of ice cream and popcorn

Rosie: I'll make up some casserole and get the projector set up with some old movies.

Alastor, Deer: Fantōmas?

Rosie, Flower: How dare you ask me if the film that gets you going is left out

Alastor, Deer: Sometimes I think that's all you want me for

Alastor, Deer: I'll be over in 20 minutes

Rosie, Flower: No, but it is a perk

Rosie, Flower: Ok. See you soon <3

[hathorneheiress]

TIG nicknames.

Avery and Jameson. The iconic Heiress for Avery. And by far the best nickname JB gave anyone. Avery never officially gave Jameson a nickname but she did call him Hawthorne if that counts.

Grayson and Lyra. Sweetheart and Asshole/your Highness. Why do I feel like Grayson could have done better, but it suits him at the same time? I feel like he is one of those guys that would call his lady a popular name, like sweetheart or love, but in such an endearing way it almost feels like it's his own personal nickname for you. And Asshole and Highness. Fits Grayson to a tee. Need I say more?

Rohan and Savannah. British and Savvy. British is kind of cute but kind of bland at the same time. She could have called him wanker or something. Savvy too. It's ok, but I still think he should have called her Savage, like my autocorrect keeps reminding me.🤭

Gigi and Slater. Sunshine and Mimosas. Total opposites and random, but I think it fits their relationship. Yes, I am a huge Gigi and Slater shipper. I'll be devastated if they don't become a thing.

[riagraie]

Slight spoilers for dr s2pt2 maybe?

At first I was a hardcore Cole x Vania bc I just think they are really cute.

BUTTTT

After seeing Geo and Cole (help why did autocorrect shift Geo into George 😭) at the museum in s2pt2....

I am a lost shipper.

I love them sm

Lava is also ok.

I was kinda off-put about the idea of any ninja being with another ninja (minus Jaya) bc I was traumatized by green flame....

but.

I've warmed up to it.

But fr

Cole x Geo all day 💅🥰