#why do i feel so deeply alone and helpless?????

[sobbing-space-trash]

Maybe if I sob for a little bit I'll be okay????

[halfwayhearted]

Will You Cry? — Spencer Reid.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader

Summary: Ever since JJ’s confession, it feels like your relationship with Spencer is crumbling to pieces right before your eyes. You’ve had enough.

Word Count: 920+

Disclaimer/s — ANGST (hiphip!), no fluff/comfort ending, no use of Y/N, I think that’s it! 🎀

A/N: Soooooo, haha… Lmk.

‘I’ve always loved you’.

Those were Jennifer Jareau's exact words to your boyfriend of two years. You weren't angry; it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. She had to give the UnSub what he wanted, to be impressed. And she did exactly that.

You weren’t mad at her at all. Nor him.

Well, you weren't mad at him then. Now, it was a whole different story.

The pieces of your relationship were shattering, bit by bit, right in front of you. The worst part was, you felt completely and utterly helpless. You tried, and you tried, and you tried. But, he just kept on acting the same way.

Distant.

Once it hit exactly two months, you realized you faced one thought and one thought only.

If you decide to let go, how will he feel?

Will he reassure you, claiming it's just a… a rough patch, finally realizing just how deeply his lack of understanding and communication has quite literally affected you? Or, will he keep doing what he's been doing, shrugging and brushing you off like you're nothing but a stranger he happens to pass by almost every single day?

You'd find out one way or another.

Oh. You’ll actually find out right now! How fun.

As soon as you hear the front door unlock and creak open, you rise to your feet, casting a wary glance towards him. You nervously wipe your sweaty palms on your pants.

He had spent yet another few hours at the BAU, even though he didn't have to. That was also one of the reasons you so badly needed to talk to him. He never stayed this late before, but ever since everything went down, he started to. Leaving you to drive home alone, wondering if this was the slow, painful end of something special.

“Hey,” you begin, “You’re home late. Again.”

He merely hummed, a distant sound, as he took off his leather messenger bag, hung it on the hook with a weary sigh, and slipped off his shoes.

How could you even bring this up? Just—you didn’t know, take a deep breath and go for it? “Do you think we could maybe… talk?”

Slowly, Spencer flicked his gaze to meet yours. He mutters your name under his breath before replying, “I’m tired. Can this wait ‘til tomorrow?”

“No,” you blurted, internally face-palming. “It won’t take long, I don’t think.”

Inhaling sharply, your boyfriend nods and begins to take off his tie, his eyes never leaving you as you figure out how to start.

“About JJ’s confession,” you begin, mentally cursing yourself when you see him stiffen almost immediately. It’s already out. So, just stick with it. “Did it mean something to you?”

Silence. Deafening silence. The only sound is the subtle hum of the air conditioning. You vividly remember you and Spencer on the couch, his head on your lap as he read a book you both wanted to read together. He’d pause whenever the air conditioning kicked on, making you let out a small huff of laughter. It feels like it was just yesterday. But, in reality, it was four months ago.

You felt your patience thinning, “Spencer—”

“What do you want me to say?” He quips, lifting his arms in frustration. His words cut through the air, earning a bitter scoff in return.

You kept your composure. “Answer the question.”

“Why does it matter?”

Why does it matter? You could’ve burst out laughing right then and there, but you held it in.

“It matters because I need to know if everything I've been doing these past two months has been for nothing!” You snapped, your eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I tried to make this work, it’s like you’ve given up on us or something.”

All you get in return is silence, so you continue. “You don’t talk to me as much as you used to. Not about your day, what you’ve read, how you’ve been—nothing! It’s always ‘I’m tired, talk later,’ or you vanish into your office for hours and hours on end. We don’t even do the things we used to. Haven’t you realized? I—I don’t even know what to say to you anymore, Spencer. No weekly dates, no quality time spent. I didn’t mind because as long as you were here, I was fine. But now? Now, I’m not so sure. I’ve tried to get at least a little communication from you, but you’ve given me nothing. I’m tired, okay? So, please, talk to me.”

…

He blinks. Once, twice, three times. Nothing.

Of course.

A humorless laugh bubbles up and escapes your lips. The tears you fought so hard to hold back now stream uncontrollably down your cheeks. You brush past him and reach for your sweater. Just then, you feel the desperate brush of his fingers against your elbow, but you pull back and slip the fabric on with a trembling resolve.

You hear him say your name. You don’t answer as you grab your bag. He says it again, this time much louder. Still, you don't respond as you grab your keys. Once you stand in front of the door, you turn to face him. “If you can’t come to terms with your feelings just yet, I understand. But I’m done putting myself through that—the waiting. I won’t put up with that anymore. Not right now.”

He says nothing.

Spencer Reid is silent.

You catch the softening in his expression, but you turn away sharply, refusing to let yourself crumble under the weight of his gaze.

“Goodbye, Spencer.” And with that, you leave.

You were done.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated ^_^.

DT(s) — @pedrilcvr ! ౨ৎ

[dee-writes-anime]

YAHO FINALLY FOUND YOU IDK HOW BUT I LOST YOU AND BEEN SCROLLING FOR LIKE A GOOD 5 MINUTES TO FIND YOU,

ANYWAYSYSYSYSY

Megumi x reader argument angst to fluff, *dies* your writing too good I know you'll feed me good with this one

I Couldn't Handle it if You Left Me

FEATURING Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

SUMMARY He's just so overprotective

CONTENT WARNINGS angst to fluff, Megumi being scared to lose us :(, some shouting, descriptions of arguments, mentions of loss, grief

AUTHORS NOTE I've missed you, sweet anon! I hope I cooked with this one! Short and sweet just for you <3

The room felt suffocating, the tension between you and Megumi thick and almost tangible. You stood across from him, your chest tight with the weight of words that had been building for far too long. Megumi’s face was as unreadable as ever, his expression cold and distant, but his eyes—they gave him away. They always did. Behind the calm façade, there was a storm raging, and you could feel it.

“Why do you always push me away?” The tremble in your voice betrayed how deeply this hurt, how much you needed him to answer. You tried to keep your tone steady, but the frustration and pain spilled over, raw and undeniable. “I’m not some helpless person you need to protect. I’m right here with you, Megumi. I can fight too.”

His jaw clenched tightly, and you saw his hand curl into a fist at his side, the tension radiating through him. “It’s not about what you can do,” he replied, his voice cold and measured, as if he was trying to rein in his own emotions. “It’s about what’s safer. For you.”

“Safer?” You let out a bitter, disbelieving laugh, shaking your head. “Do you even hear yourself? I’ve been fighting right alongside you for months, Megumi. I’ve trained. I’ve bled. What makes you think I can’t handle this?”

He remained silent, but his body language screamed with tension, his eyes flickering with something he wouldn’t say aloud. It was always like this. Every time you were involved in a mission, Megumi tried to shield you, to protect you from the worst of it, and while you understood his concern, it made you feel small. Useless. Like you were just another burden he had to carry.

Finally, his control cracked, and his voice, sharp with frustration, lashed out. “It’s not the same,” he snapped, the anger slipping through the cracks in his calm. “I don’t want you involved in this mess, alright? You don’t understand what could happen—what could happen to you.”

“Stop treating me like a child!” The words left your mouth before you could stop them, your own anger boiling over. “I’m not fragile! You keep telling me I don’t understand, but how can I when you never talk to me? When you keep locking me out of your life, pushing me away like I don’t matter.”

His face twisted, something dark flashing in his eyes. “I’m trying to keep you alive!” he shouted, the volume of his voice shocking in the small space, as if the weight of his fear had finally burst through. “Do you know what it’s like to see the people you care about get hurt? Do you know how many people I’ve lost? I can’t—” He cut himself off, his breath coming out in shallow, angry bursts. “I can’t lose you too.”

His words hung heavy in the air, and suddenly the pieces fell into place. The way he always hovered just a little too close when you were on a mission. The way he stepped in when he didn’t need to, putting himself in danger just to make sure you didn’t have to fight alone. It was suffocating, the way he kept trying to protect you, as if you weren’t capable of standing on your own.

“I get that you’re scared, Megumi,” you said, your voice quieter now but no less firm. “I know what you’ve been through. I know you’ve lost people. But I’m not them. I’m here. I’ve been here, and I’m not going anywhere. But if you keep trying to control everything, if you keep shutting me out, you’re going to lose me anyway.”

His breath hitched, and he turned his back to you, running a hand through his hair in frustration. You could see the tremble in his hand, the way his shoulders were tense with the weight of everything he was holding in. “You don’t understand,” he said again, his voice strained, like it was taking everything in him to keep it together. “You don’t know what it’s like, seeing someone you care about lying on the ground, hurt or worse, because you couldn’t protect them.”

You took a step closer, your heart aching for him, for the boy who carried the world on his shoulders, who had been forced to grow up too fast. “I do know,” you said, your voice soft but steady. “I’ve seen you hurt, Megumi. I’ve watched you throw yourself into danger, over and over again, without thinking about the consequences. Do you know how terrifying that is? To see you like that and not be able to do anything?”

He didn’t answer, but you could see the way his body stiffened, the way his breathing had quickened. The silence between you was thick with everything he wasn’t saying, with the fear and guilt he refused to let out. Finally, he turned back to face you, his expression hard, but his eyes—his eyes were filled with something much deeper.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how to keep you safe without pushing you away.”

The vulnerability in his voice broke your heart, and you felt your own anger slowly dissolve into something more tender, something that ached with the need to reach him. “You don’t have to figure it out alone,” you said, stepping even closer until you were standing just inches away from him. “I’m here, Megumi. I’m not going anywhere. But you have to trust me. You have to let me help.”

His gaze dropped to the floor, his hands still clenched at his sides. “It’s not about trust,” he muttered. “It’s about what’s at stake. You don’t know how many nights I’ve stayed awake thinking about all the ways things could go wrong, all the ways I could lose you.” His voice cracked slightly, and he inhaled sharply, trying to regain control. “If something happened to you because of me...”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” you interrupted softly. “Not because of you. You’re not responsible for everyone’s safety all the time, Megumi. You can’t control everything. But if you keep treating me like I’m something fragile that needs to be protected from the world, you’re going to push me away. I don’t want to be a burden to you. I want to be your partner.”

For a long moment, he didn’t say anything. His breathing was shallow, his fists unclenching slowly as he processed your words. You could see the war going on inside him, the conflict between his need to protect you and his realization that he couldn’t keep you in a bubble forever. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he lifted his eyes to meet yours.

“I’m scared,” he whispered, his voice so quiet it was barely audible. “I’m scared of losing you.”

Your heart broke for him, and without thinking, you closed the remaining distance between you, gently cupping his face in your hands. His skin was warm under your touch, but his body was still tense, like he was afraid to let go. “You’re not going to lose me,” you said, your voice soft but filled with conviction. “I’m right here. And I’m not leaving.”

His eyes closed, and for the first time, you saw the walls he’d built around himself start to crumble. Slowly, tentatively, he reached up and covered your hands with his, holding onto you like you were the only thing grounding him in that moment.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted again, his voice raw and vulnerable in a way you’d never heard before. “But I don’t want to keep pushing you away.”

You smiled softly, brushing a thumb across his cheek. “We’ll figure it out together,” you promised. “No more shutting me out, no more trying to protect me from everything. We face this together. Okay?”

He nodded slowly, and you could feel the tension in his body start to ease, his grip on you tightening just slightly, as if he was afraid to let go. “Okay,” he whispered, his voice shaky but sincere.

You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, feeling the warmth of his breath as he exhaled softly, the tension between you finally dissolving into something softer, something full of understanding.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered, resting your forehead against his. “I promise.”

And this time, when he looked at you, you knew he believed you.

[scoobydoodean]

I have 2 spn accounts, a Deancentric blog that ships Destiel and another account that unintentionally follows a lot of Samgirl blogs. So one blog follows majority Deangirl blogs and the other incidentally follows a lot of Samgirl blogs. And here's the major difference I've noticed on the different dashboards.

Deangirl dashboard: Great meta analysis. Beautiful art. Level 1 and 2 headcanons (largely based in canon). Pro-Dean. Stumble across reblogs of Deancrit. Bitter Deangirl blogging. Generally fair portrayal and discussion of the positive and negative traits and actions of Dean, Sam and Cas. Deanhater anons.

Samgirl dashboard: An entirely different pool of beautiful art. Whole lotta woobie!Sam art where Dean is his abuser. Deancrit about Dean being an abuser. Bitter Samgirl blogging about how people will find any excuse to hate Sam. "How can anyone be Samcrit he has done nothing wrong ever." Level 5 headcanons (you literally ignored canon to make that up). More about how Dean is Sam's abuser. So many posts about how awful Samcrit is. "Do Deangirls really think that Dean cries himself to sleep at night thinking that ppl thinks he doesn't know how to read." I have yet to see any actual Samcrit posts (not even links or reblogs from Sam defenders), not even after literally searching the Samcrit tag for it. The Samcrit tag is full of Samgirls crying about Samcrit and no actual Samcrit. "Samgirls are feral, but we need to be bc of the hate ppl throw Sam's way."

I literally have to block so many people on the incidentally Samgirl dashboard bc I'm not on Tumblr to randomly stumble across a post on how Dean is a toxic stalker who abused Sam by changing Amelia's number in his cellphone. Do you have any idea on why Samgirls seem to feel so attacked all the time even though I literally only ever see *them* attacking Dean?

If you dig deep enough into any fandom, you will encounter people who fetishize "helpless victimhood". Some fandoms attract more people with those particular proclivities than others. Supernatural and Sam in particular attracts people who hold those sorts of aesthetic interests because of his relationship toward accountability versus Dean's.

Dean is a character with an overactive sense of responsibility. He blames himself for the Lindbergh baby and unemployment and every child murdered by a shrtiga from 1990 to 2005 because he went to play an arcade game when he was 10. He also blames himself for things like Jessica dying and Sam not being in school. Other characters pile on this blame frequently. John blames Dean for Sam getting hurt (1.18). Ruby tells him (and Sam) that Sam is a weak baby who won't psychologically survive without Dean there to protect him (3.11). Meg alleges that Dean is "dragging Sam everywhere" (1.16). Sam rewrites reality from 1.05 to 1.21 to make Dean responsible for his burning desire for revenge. Cas and Zachariah and Gabriel blame Dean when Sam breaks the last seal because he didn't stop Sam in time. Sam blames Dean for him drinking demon blood first because Dean wasn't there to protect him and then—in a complete 180—because Dean is smothering (4.04, 5.05). Dean generally absorbs blame when it is piled at his feet because he has been blamed for things he couldn't control for most of his life and thus he feels guilty and responsible for things even when him being responsible makes no logical sense. He's never a victim of anything—everything is always on him.

Sam, on the other hand, tends to eventually deflect blame because he can't handle the gnawing bite of it for long. It reminds him too deeply of being left isolated and alone as a child and the feelings of otherness and wrongness he developed through that neglect. When his actions ultimately have consequences he didn't foresee and/or that he finds undesirable, it makes him feel ugly and unaccepted and he can't face it so he eventually finds a way to make what happened someone else's fault—usually Dean's fault. Nothing is ever on him. He's always at least a little bit of a victim and Dean always carries at least partial responsibility for his decisions (1.21, 1.08, 4.04, 5.05, 8.23, 11.01)

In other words, Sam has an under-active sense of responsibility and Dean has an overactive responsibility and that dynamic—driven by their childhood experiences—places them into a vicious cycle of blame being cast onto Dean for Sam's decisions and Dean absorbing it. Dean absorbing it reinforcing the narrative for samgirls with a victimhood fetish that Dean deserves blame and that Sam truly is a helpless baby. They never watch what actually happens on the show to see whether this narrative that Dean is responsible for everything and Sam is a helpless baby lines up with the actual events that occurred onscreen because why would they? That would ruin their enjoyment. Sam isn't interesting to them outside of his capacity to be mourned as some sort of helpless martyr. And yes—they will cry and moan about how horrible and unfair Sam's suffering is, but it isn't because they're having a bad time. They're having a great time. They love thinking about Sam that way. They wouldn't be here blogging about it day in and day out for the last 20 years if they didn't actually want to see exactly what they're seeing.

Related tags of note:

#sams motivations

#taurus sam in the flesh

#In which Sam is not a helpless little waif with his hands cast over his eyes being carried along by the tides of the immutable sea

#sam the hunter

#sams follower/leader false dichotomy

#parentification

[starillusion13]

omg Hi! Im not sure if you’re still accepting requests but if you still do… I would like to request an ot8 ateez x reader where they all leave her because of a misunderstanding and then they chase her back after but she doesn’t forgive/give in so easily ? Thank you love ❤️

Lost you forever

Pairing: Ateez! ot8 x fem! reader

Genre: Angst, Mafia, Mature

Warnings: crying, mention of death, poison, mentions of mafia activities like shooting and deals in mafia, misunderstanding, pregnancy(?) [plz tell me if I have missed something] oc doesn't forgive easily coz she is deeply hurt.

W.C: 5.3k (i was so into it sorry)

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated 😭. Applause to the ones who come up to me to interact and they know how friendly I am. Okay enough!

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

“I have found her.”

All the noise died down with just one sentence. The room is now pin drop silent with all the heads turned towards the same direction and eyes focused on one person. The one who has just entered through the main door and whose voice made everyone stop in their tracks.

The leader of the group with a blank expression, walks towards the said person and grabs the collar of the leather jacket, eyes burning with his creased forehead but somewhere he wants to believe the words he has just heard.

“You realize what you are speaking right, Mingi?”

Nodding his head, he stares right back, “Absolutely.”

“Are you sure that’s her? Maybe, you might have mistaken someone else.”

Closing his eyes for a second, he sighs, “I have seen her with my own eyes, up so close to realize enough that it was her. Her sweet smile and those soft hands, everything is same.”

The one holding his collar loosen his grip and walks over to the table to get back his drink.

“Hongjoong, stop drinking.” The eldest scolds the leader before turning towards the other, “Then where is she and why didn’t you bring back her here? Where exactly did you see?”

“She was working at the café, down the Ross street. The target’s location was last seen in that café and when I reached there, he had already left and then when I heard that sweet voice asking if I need something?”

“did she see you?” The youngest asks him with curiosity filled in his eyes.

“No. I ordered a simple coffee just to see her longer and when she handed it over to me, I felt her soft and innocent hands touching my rough and ruthless ones. I was wearing a mask so she didn’t notice me but she was hiding her pain really well with her sweet smile.”

“But her eyes were telling something else.” Mingi turns towards Yeosang on hearing his response.

Everyone is feeling guilty that they are the reason you are working all alone there and having the pain inside you which your eyes reflect enough to let them know how you are feeling. They have been with you long enough to know every detail of your actions, to read your emotions from afar, to know if you are happy or to realize that you are hiding something then why. Why did they misunderstood you back then and left you all alone helpless?

“I want to see her. Take me there, just tell me which café is that exactly and I will be on my way there.”

“San, calm down. Take it slow. I know that you are eager to meet her like we all are but we can’t just go there like this. You know what we did back that day. I don’t think, she would want to see us again.”

If they had this much power in their hand to erase that day or to change the situation that occurred that day then they would have done long way back but now its impossible to do so. It’s been three years that they have left you but when their mission in this new country led them to cross your path again, they are not going to leave this chance out of their hand. Searching you for so long and not getting any sight of you has made their life a disaster. Hongjoong has been drinking a lot since he found out that he had done wrong with you and not a single member of his gang can control his vigorous nature but being the leader of the uprising mafia gang, he has to control his limits to not let the opposition know his weakness. Yunho is not better than him here, being the fighter of the group, he is overdoing and exhausting himself just because he can’t get you out of his mind and showing his anger on others. Well, Seonghwa needs to be calm here as being the eldest, he finds this as his responsibility to check if his members are doing okay and him being the second in command has to be with the leader most of the time. But the question is how can he just pretend that he doesn’t think about you, his thoughts are always storming inside his head which are revolving around how to get you back. San is restless, he is almost every time being out of the house doing illegal shits without even informing the leader and just messing up things, which sometimes almost bring them to face a hectic situation but thanks to Wooyoung who is always there to save him but what about himself. He is the one who would show his emotions up his sleeves but when it comes to get you back, he is lost in a void. He doesn’t even know whether to be angry, upset, mad or just forget about you. Forget about you? Is it even possible? Mingi is always out of the base, he has taken upon himself to look out for the targets and engaging with the spies all around to know the motives of other gangs and be prepared but one thing is always flashing to him, thoughts of you. Jongho has kept himself silent for most of the times, away from his members and just trying his way to find out where you are. Are you even alive? He is always there to bug Yeosang to find you in every corner of their hometown but you were nowhere to be found and once they had lost all hope of you being alive. Yeosang has taken the job of being hacker too seriously and that just to find you till the last cell of his data but everytime, he is just getting disappointed.

🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚

“Thank you for your order. Have a great night ahead.”

You smile sweetly towards the customer who just left the café and its almost nine at night so you should get prepared to leave for the night. You are always the last worker to leave on the busy scheduled day as you live just few houses away from here and the manager is too sweet to even let her guard accompany you to reach your house. She once requested you to do the extra night shifts on busy days as other workers live bit far away and you could be much helpful to her. She has this warm motherly aura and so you couldn’t reject her request.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry that you had to stay back late again. It’s Halloween season and you know how people are crowding over here.” Your manager having a guilty expression on her face approaches you.

“Oh no, it’s really fine with me. I can keep my mind off with some stuffs while working here so it’s not a big problem. I rather enjoy being here than staying at home and overthinking.”

“You are so sweet. You should take some leaves and rest for few days as I haven’t seen you taking leaves or going out with someone. Don’t waste your young age everytime working here. Have some enjoyment and refresh your mind.”

“Working here gives me the happiness. I don’t think being with someone can actually refresh my mind or rather haunt me…..Nevermind, you must go back as your son is waiting for you and after getting everything back to it’s place, I will hand over the keys to Mr.Lee.”

Nodding her head and waving at you, she rode back to her place leaving you and Mr. lee, who must be in the locker room getting his stuff and later waiting for you outside.

Arranging all the stuffs, it took twenty minutes as your other co-workers had almost done everything before leaving and the previous orders were simple so you didn’t have much to do. Picking up your bag from the counter, you give a final glance to the place to make a mental note if everything is fine. Satisfied with the result, you quickly went outside to see him already standing and waiting for the keys but he is looking impatient.

“Are you fine, Mr.Lee?”

“U-uh yeah…” sweats visibly lining the forehead and lips quivering. Why is he sweating in this cold night?

“If you need help, please do tell me.”

“Actually, I need to leave early… my daughter needs some help and she has just now called me so I think I cant go with you today.”

“Its fine with me. I can manage on my own, its just few steps and I will be home so don’t worry and leave. I hope your daughter is fine.”

He thanked you several times and left. Like always, your smile is still having that warmth even in this chilly night. Your hands rub your arms and you start walking towards your block. Everything is like usual until you start to feel someone is following you but waving it off as if it must be your fear of walking alone without him. Also, it’s Halloween and anything creepy can happen. Even the children’s pranks are creepier than ghosts. You quicken your steps, hands gripping the bag tightly.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you almost had screamed when another hand pressed over your mouth, shutting you up and muffling your scream. Your eyes closed tight and hands trying to remove the palm from over your mouth.

“Y/N. Don’t be afraid, it’s me.”

You froze. Not due to the chilly wind just blew past you but because of the very familiar voice. Familiar? You don’t think it has that same familiarity like before. Every morning, this used to be the first voice you would listen while waking you up and engulfing you in a big bear hug. That’s past as now you are used to being wake up with your alarm or nightmares. Just a reminder, he is the part of causing that nightmare.

Parting your eyes, you can see the tall man standing in front of you. Looking down at you with a soft look on his face, teary eyes and hands slowly slip down from your mouth to your biceps to hold them firmly. The street is brightly lit due to the decorations for the occasion so everything is very clear for your eyes. You stare back at him and not knowing how to react as your body and mind is going against each other but you know a little part of your heart still beats for him, for them.

He is about to pull you in for a hug when you stop him with your hands pressed over his chest, preventing him from coming any closer.

“Y/N….”

“Stop it. You should not just hug randomly someone. You may know me but sorry I can’t really remember you.”

“Random? You are my angel. I want to hug you and say sorry for what I have done. Don’t pretend that you don’t know me, please tell me you have missed me equally.”

“Look, you must have mistaken me with someone else but I’m not her.”Pushing his hands off from you, “Even if I know your name doesn’t mean I know you, you are just like the rest of the customers in my daily life whose name I have to hear often. So it’s nothing special and as I don’t hear your name anymore maybe I would forget it forever.”

“Y/N!”

You make a ‘tsk’ sound on hearing him shout your name. Even if they pretend to be polite or gentle with you, they are the ruthless uprising mafia gang so what do you even expect less from them while controlling their aggression?

“This is you. Shout on me. Blame on me. but. Don’t show your kindness to me again. You have literally showed your true colors that day and look here we are. Standing face to face and you still shouting on me just like that day. You are still the same, Yunho.”

Hearing his name coming out of your mouth after three years is sending a wave of warmth to his heart. Atleast, you called him by his name even though your words are straight away piercing his heart like a sharp knife, you haven’t spoken to him like this ever but he knows he deserves it for leaving you that day.

A black SUV comes to a stop near to a side of you both. If it were any other time, you swear you would have got frightened but the raging veins with hatred towards him is not minding any danger surrounding you. You didn’t look at it’s direction but can hear several footsteps are nearing you. Why are you not scared? Is it because you are feeling safe in his presence? No, it’s just you don’t want to be saved or show your weakness, atleast in front of him.

“Doll.”

Don’t turn back. You are just imagining things. He can’t be hear even yunho is not here, right? You want to believe this but the presence behind you is too near you, his warm hands placed over your shoulder sending a jolt through your body. It may be warm but is lacking the warmth, you can only feel the coldness of feelings there. Turning around, you look into the eyes of Mingi, who just called you with the name he gave you on your first date with him.

Okay, so everyone is here. All the eyes are just looking at you, only you. If it was something back in those days then you would have become shy and hide behind Yunho and not look at them but this time, your daring eyes precisely staring back at them. Their eyes filled with regret meeting your eyes filled with hatred.

“Why are you all here?”

“For you.” Hongjoong replies quickly enough and this made you raise your brow.

The scene is like a deja-vu, very similar to the last time you had seen them. Them circling you under the night sky and you are the centre of the situation but that time, they had that rage in their eyes for blaming you and hoping you to vanish from their eyesight but this time, they have the fear…of losing you again.

“it’s not funny. If you all are going to have some Halloween pranks on people then go somewhere else, don’t waste my time.”

“It’s really not funny and also not a prank. We are really here for you.”Hongjoong said calmly.

“And? You got to see me. You needed to know if I’m alive or not and now you might kill me as I already know a lot of your things and it’s dangerous for you all to keep me alive. Go ahead, shoot me.”

“Y/n, are you insane? How can you think like this that we will shoot you?”

“San, it’s very obvious from the way you were pointing the gun to my forehead with fire in your eyes.” You point to the middle of your forehead with two fingers. They would have found your acts childish but your tone is too harsh for their ears, making it obvious how much hatred you have towards them.

The said man fidgeting his fingers, looking down and a single tear escapes his eyes. The tear of losing you. You are so near to him, just few feet away where he can run to you and hug you tightly and pull you in for a kiss yet so far away because of the way, your eyes glaring at him.

Mingi moves aside when Hongjoong comes in front of you, “Princess-“

“Don’t call me that when you don’t know how to treat one. I’m not your princess. Well, I’m no one to you.”

No one to him and this word burns his heart. Not only his but others too. Still he tried to speak to you.

“Whatever happened that day, we are really guilty for that. We are extremely sorry to treat you that way. I don’t know what happened to me and I put the blame on you, thinking it was your plan, everything I had lost that day was because of me and I lost you but trust me, each day I have spent regretting for this. Please forgive me. Please.”

He is no more holding back his tears, being a leader is a great responsibility and controlling his emotions in every situation is the major part but you were always there with him by his side where he could express himself, to show his vulnerable self to you but this time instead of comforting him, you are mocking back at him.

“Are you crying because of regret or losing your mission that day? I’m sure it’s about the shitty mission or what else-”

Yunho turns you around harshly and this time you can see his flaming eyes, “Are you making fun of him? What happened to you really? You have totally changed. This is not Y/N, we knew back then.”

“Exactly, this is not your Y/N anymore. This is me. An orphan who lives alone in this block and works by the café down the street. Also, not nice to meet any of you.”

You give him a blank expression. His grip on you tightens and you just stare at the hold, hissing but not telling him to leave you. Why? Because you want to feel him. No. You want to see how much he can lose control on you and the physical pain is nothing compared to the mental pain, you have gone through the years.

“Please come back to us. We are here to take you back, to your home, our home.”

Seonghwa. Please don’t speak like that. He is a siren for this because even if you want to hate him, his voice is always as if lurking you to trust him, his words which are still soothing to your ears, remembering those feather kisses. No. They are pinching you like a thorn just like your words are doing to his heart.

“There is nothing called ours. My place is here and nowhere else. I guess you don’t know the meaning of a home. Home is somewhere you can feel warmth and comfort, a forgiving atmosphere to erase your pain into happiness. But the place you are mentioning is a prison to me, hearing the name suffocates me, the memories haunt me. Atleast, here, I’m okay by myself, far away from you all but still nothing is a home to me.”

“Why are you saying like this? Please don’t push us away when we just got you back.”

“So? I should forgive you all and get back to you. Never. This is not happening ever.”

You walk towards him, his ears perk up hearing your heels nearing him, Yunho has left his grip on you but his hands aching to touch you again. The memories of you both spending nights together with warm skin against skin, hushed promises surrounded by the burning love but now even if your skin is warm, the touch was cold with numb feelings.

You pull the strap of Seonghwa’s jacket and other hand block his hand which he was about to raise and swiftly pull the gun out, pointing it towards his forehead. Others come to a warned position.

“If I shoot you here and wait enough to bleed you to death.” You turn to look back at them, their surprise faces looking back at you but no one daring to step forward. “Then if I say, please forgive me. Will it be worthy?”

“But…but we didn’t hurt you. We…we just….” San doesn’t know how to complete his sentence. He is lost within his own words. Seeing you after years, your coldness towards them, even pointing gun towards one of their member and remembering how you and him were in the same position last time causing his hands shake. So ironic for a mafia member. No matter how strong they are, how ruthless they can be but when it comes to you, you are their weakness.

“It’s not always hurting someone physically. Their way of act towards you speaks volume and the words you told me while pointing the gun is way more painful than if you would have actually shoot me.” Turning, towards Seonghwa, “You have already killed me that day. I am dead for you.”

“Baby, please don’t say like this.”

“How many times do I need to tell you that I’m nothing to you all? Stop calling me names.”

Wooyoung’s eyes go wide on hearing your shout. He is so much taken aback by your outburst that he is almost looking helpless towards Mingi standing near him.

“I’m sorry…I mean…please don’t say like this. You are everything to me, to us. You don’t know how messed up we were when we left you. I’m so sorry to leave you but please atleast lets forget about that incident and please come back to us.” Wooyoung stutters but not again using the endearment.

Mingi chirps in, “Human can may make mistakes. Whatever happened that day, we know it was not your fault, it was a mistake and we really forgive you for that. I’m sorry for being harsh on you.”

“Yes. We are really guilty. We should have listened to you but rather we blamed you on the spot and said such harsh words which even if I want to take back, I can’t. I didn’t let you to explain but ended up on a conclusion.” Wooyoung ends the sentence with tears spilling from his eyes silently.

Do you forgive them? Yes. but Why? They are still telling you it was your mistake. You cant forgive them so. No.

“So you still think that it happened because of my mistake? It was an accident?”

“Y/n…”

“Stop it, Yunho. Don’t speak a single word. I’m getting annoyed with you.”

Your steps come to a stop in front of Wooyoung whose eyes are shining to get you so close to him. He raises his hands but got yanked away by you. Maintaining a straight eye contact with him, you grab his collar.

“look at me and say that it was my mistake. It all happened because of me.”

He remained silent. He parts his lips but nothing coming out and this is making you impatient.

“Tell me!”

Hot tears streaming down your eyes. Still your body is not getting enough warmth and craving for it during the cold night in that lonely street. Even if you are with all of them still you are feeling alone. Your vision is getting blurred but you roughly rubbed your eyes with the sleeves of the shrug. Your breathings are getting heavy and you are losing control.

The youngest pulls away Wooyoung from your hold and holds your red hands in his grip which are shaking due to the tight fist.

“Please, calm down. It’s me Jongho. It’s not your fault. No one is blaming you. Take deep breathes and calm down.”

He knows that you are hyperventilating and he still knows how your body is reacting and you hate this. You harshly pull your hands away from his hold.

“Don’t touch me. My body aches when I remember how I let you monsters to touch me, everywhere, every day. I’m feeling so ashamed of myself. Don’t make me regret more. I hate the fact how you still know this about my body and am beyond surprised that you still remember me. Oh wait, you have to remember every detail of your enemy before plotting a nice plan and attacking them, right? And today is the perfect day.”

“You are not my enemy. You are my-“

“Stop. Don’t complete that sentence, Jongho.”

“Don’t speak to him like that, he was not even there during the whole mission, he was in for a quick need for back-end support for Yeosang.”Mingi says in a moderate tone.

“But was there long enough to blame me.”

Hongjoong places a firm hand on Mingi’s shoulder, “No one is blaming you. It was an accident and you didn’t know what to do there.”

“I know that whatever you did was to save yourself and I’m glad that you are fine.”

You stare at Hongjoong for a few moments and then burst out laughing like a maniac. Any other person would have found you weird and commented that you have gone mad. Even they would have made fun of you and teased you that how foolish you looked like while laughing like this.

Frustrated groans and your hands raising to your scalp and you mess your hairs. You are totally acting like a drunk person.

“hongoong, did you hear what he just said? Did you hear everyone? He said that I did that to save me. Huh. To. Save. Me.”

You skip steps towards yeosang and slap him, “You think I have killed Mr. Kim to save myself?”

“Y/n!”

You could barely hear Seonghwa and Yunho’s shout when you grabbed Yeosang’s biceps and shake him. He is shocked not just because you have slapped him but seeing you losing your mind like this and having no control over your actions and he is still thinking that something like this might have happened which cause you to kill Mr.Kim.

“Tell me Yeosang. You think I did it for myself? Tell me.”

Nothing he said in reply, just stared right back at you, the only thought running through his mind is to hug you and say that he won’t be leaving you again. He would protect you from the whole world. His daily searching to get your location was always in vain and he still can’t believe his eyes that you are standing in front of him but your eyes showing the amount of hatred in you for him. a helpless cry audible to his ears to which he was deaf during last time.

“So, you do think it is.”

You take a few steps back, staring back at each of them. San tried to come near you but Yeosang stopped him and shook his head.

“I…I did it…I killed him…It was not an accident.” You look up to the sky and smile to yourself, “I did it to save my family. I shoot him to save you all from his evil planning. You all were my family and I tried my best to face him, my hands were shaking, head was spinning. I couldn’t place the actions and words right in place but I knew I had to do it to save you all.”

“save us?” Hongjoong asks you in surprise.

You chuckle sadly, “Your beloved dad had only invited you to the party so that he could destroy you and your gang. He realized that you are not his own son and Jungwoo is his real son so to give him all the power, it was a better option to erase you from the path. I got to know this because Jungwoo told me and he didn’t want to support his dad in this way and somehow mr.Kim tried to kill me when he heard that I wont let you join the party.”

“That’s why…that’s why…you were whining to spend time with us and cancel the schedule.”

You nod on Jongho’s statement.

“I didn’t know how to stop you so before I could come up with a plan, you were already in your way to catch your target at the party held by Mr.Kim. And…and…when I tried to follow you all, he caught me and poisoned me.”

“Why did he poison you?” Wooyoung almost shout hearing this.

“He wanted to see you all going down first seeing me die and then it would be fun to end you. He really succeeded here.”

“What do you mean?” Yunho asks you slowly. You glance towards him but nod a bit.

Picking up your bag which is lying on the floor because of the previous commotion, you look down and tears flowing continuously, “even when I was poisoned, I escaped from the room and when I reached the scene, you were already in the middle of the bloody scene with your target. He was going to leave the place and would leave you all dying in the bomb blast and that’s how I thought it was best to kill him.”

“You didn’t tell that you were poisoned, we thought you were acting of feeling sick.” Even though Seonghwa confessed what he did feel right back then still he is feeling guilty towards you. You stare right back into his eyes.

“When I shot him in front of you all, Hongjoong snatched the gun from me and you harshly pulled me towards the exit and then it went on with you all blaming me.” You cast a glance towards San, “you pointed the gun at me and threatened me to kill if I don’t spill whose spy I was. You even doubted me with Jungwoo that we were cheating behind you and it was our plan to destroy you.”

Huh. Such cheap thought they had. They all blamed you and called such names and even threatened to kill you. It was not enough that they even insulted you in front of everyone present in the party even tried to prove your imaginary relation with Jungwoo.

“I’m sorry…”

“Mingi. Say sorry to Y/N who was trying to explain everything to you all, who was enduring the pain of spreading poison in her body and was still trying to protect you. Go hug her and pull towards you and say everything is okay, whose hands were shaking because she never killed anyone in her life before despite you all trained her in every field for her self-defence. Go and listen to her and ask her. Are you fine?”

He can’t match your eyes so he looks down regretting his every move, you throw a dirty look at him yet somewhere your eyes showing a little bit of sympathy. Your body still reacting to their touch and wanting to run to their embrace making you hate yourself.

“You can’t go. She is dead. Your Y/N is dead. Congratulations, you have killed her that day. You have killed a new life with her as well. She didn’t even get to know who her father is. Mission completed Boss.”

You stare straight and boldly towards Hongjoong.

“Her? Father? What are you saying?” Yeosang is impatient on hearing such things from you. He is confused just like the others and their heart is racing whereas yours is calm but painfully beating.

“I have lost my first baby and one of you lost the honour of being the father for the first time. It was too late when I woke up in the hospital, the poison had already been spread too much. I don’t know how I am still alive but maybe atleast Jungwoo didn’t leave my side.”

It was a big storm for them. As if the ground disappeared from underneath their feet. You were pregnant and they were unaware of it. If only they had agreed with your warnings, then they would have been having a happy family time with you and their baby together. No matter whose baby she was, she would have been theirs, they all would have given their fatherly love to her.

Without saying any more word, you begin to walk towards your way and didn’t even look back for the last time towards them.

“Y/N…”You heard wooyoung calls you from behind and they might follow you.

Still facing your back towards them, you speak slowly but audible enough for them, “Don’t follow me or come to find me again. You have left me that day, helplessly crying in the garden. Don’t expect me to forgive you and go back to you again.”

You walk away, far away from them where your silhouette getting lost in the painful dark but they know atleast you are safe and alive beyond that darkness. Their eyes follow the last bit of your presence.

They won’t be giving up on you like this. They will get you back someday but they also know that they have lost a part of you forever.

“I love you but I have lost you.”

PART 2

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[thatghostinyourbog]

THIS SCENE

THIS FUCKING SCENE

I always thought this scene SAID everything it needed to say

And I just never looked too deeply into it until now

Atsushi and his tiger are separate

They are portrayed as 2 separate beings throughout the entire show

And his ability might be like that

But if we're thinking of this from a storyteller point of view

Atsushi is the tiger

The tiger is Atsushi

In that scene atsushi admits how much he hates himself

And later Akutagawa reveals that Atsushi thinks he doesn't deserve to live unless he's helping others

But that doesn't change, atsushi just doesn't think he deserves to live. He is trying to earn to live but helping people is just keeping him alive

I think the tiger came out to help him (he helped himself) only because he finally thought he deserved to live, he was helping so many people and in that moment he realised this gives him a right to live

So why was that not the end of the season and his character development??

WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED

After all that happened SECONDS after the ENTIRE CITY was saved Atsushis main focus was still on making sure as many people lived as possible. After all that it still wasn't enough.

Then we move onto his quality bonding time with the little Victorian boy

I've already talked about Atsushi and Akus relationship so I won't say much more

But the interactions at the end of season 2

Aku not only figured out Atsushi was trying to make it so he deserved to live he also told him how stupid it was

Atsushi and Aku need to hear things like this

Natural behaviours and beliefs they have from their trauma are stupid, but they have so much weight to them neither of them can help but live by those things and sometimes it takes your rival to go up to you, stab you in the shoulders, and say you're stupid for you to think somewhat rationally

Aku tells Atsushi he doesn't have to live his life by other people's morals

He does actually have a choice

With Atsushis past at the orphanage hearing this must've felt like being hit by a truck

Atsushi realised he can have his own morals and he's free to help or kill whoever he pleases

Aku shows Atsushi that he is free

Now there isn't a set way to overcome trauma or improve your mental wellbeing

God everyone wishes there were but that's just life

And I think that's what bsd is

It's people trying to overcome their trauma

People trying to get better

People who seem to be worse at just living than others

Imo bsd is about getting better

Some characters won't

Some will

Some people won't get better

Some will

Bsd is so special because of that fact

It's the only show I've seen that is aimed towards people who simply find living more difficult than others

This is the show you watch when you feel completely alone

The characters are written so well and they're so different from eachother but they all are still suffering

It covers topics that the viewers probably thought they were entirely alone in even thinking about

(My thoughts were all over the place I can't figure out a better way to put all this together so just suffer through the edited thoughts of my brain)((Yea imagine how I feel I have to suffer through the completely unedited ones))

Atsushi views the tiger way higher than himself

The tiger represents the part of Atsushi who no matter what will help others

Atsushi himself does not believe he is such a good person

He doesnt believe he is as good as he is, he believes he can harm to people when in reality he would never be able to bring himself to hurt others

The tiger represents Atsushis natural good nature

And Atsushi himself represents all his doubts and worries and feelings of worthlessness

He thinks he is such a bad person he has separated the natural good things about himself and put them into his ability

Which is why in dead apple he seemed so lost and helpless

For half the movie he was following Aku and Kyouka around unsure of what to do

And once he faced his trauma and got his ability back he realised he doesn't HAVE to be such a good person

He doesn't have to be this perfect being who saves everyone and doesn't let anyone suffer

He learns he has to fight

He learns he has to kill some people and there's no way around it

That doesn't make him a bad person

It just makes him human

And this is what he realises at the end of the movie

It's also what he shows Dazai right at the start and the end with those little interactions they have

Atsushi never doubted Dazais humanity

They're all just human

And they're all trying to live to be better people

[lost-in-lamentation]

more of you.

a/n: self indulgent fic today because i've been borderline sick these days and i literally cannot afford to be sick right now (so i'm pushing my illness onto MC)

content: mammon's not great at taking care of sick people, but he'd do it for you anyway.

non-established relationship. pining mammon. sick fic.

fluff. comfort. mammon × gen!reader. 1k words.

the first sign was the persistent headache that had been following you since the night before. of course, not wanting to miss your classes at RAD, you blamed it on the combination of too much caffeine and not enough rest. you practically dragged yourself to RAD, ignoring the second sign of dizziness while you walked. by the end of your first class, your headache had grown into a full blown migraine, much to your disappointment. you didn't even register the fact that the lecture had ended until mammon had his face hovering dangerously close to yours.

"oi, human. why's your face all red?"

you groaned and waved him away from you, slowly starting to pack away your things. "it's not red," you muttered.

mammon drew back with a click of his tongue, hands on his hips while he looked you up and down. "liar," the demon retorted, poking at your forehead. "jeez, you're all hot too. this doesn't feel normal."

"maybe i've just always been hot." you hissed at mammon's hand, the touch on your forehead hard enough to send the room spinning.

mammon scoffed at you, shoving his hands into his pockets while turning to leave the classroom. "i didn't mean it like that- stop thinking weird stuff!"

you would have laughed if you had the energy, but with the way your head was pounding, you didn't have it in you to do anything. with shaky legs, you pushed yourself up out of your chair, trying your best to stumble towards the doorway. you crashed into doorframe with a loud thud, landing on the floor seconds later with your head in your hands. despite your blurry vision, you saw the white haired demon rushing back towards you, his panicked voice ringing in your ears. "mammon?"

"what the hell's wrong with ya?!"

when you felt him crouch in front of you, you acted without thinking straight (not that you really could), reaching up to wrap your arms his neck. "don't feel good," you mumbled into his shoulder, slumping against his torso.

"oh, now you're admitting it," mammon growled at you. "and stop clinging to me!"

you shook your head as much as you could without making it hurt worse. "you're too loud, my head hurts."

the avatar of greed inhaled deeply, stopping himself from shouting any more. "why'd i have to be put in charge of ya in the first place?" begrudgingly, mammon hoisted you up into his arms, one arm locked under your knees and the other close to your waist. the last thing you heard before knocking out was mammon calling for one of his brothers down the hall.

when mammon finally made it back to the house of lamentation, he debated kicking the door off its hinges just to get inside, but quickly changed his mind when he remembered he still owed lucifer money for the last time he did it. he was also afraid he'd wake you up in the process, but that wasn't a real reason, he had told himself. instead, mammon shifted you in his arms so he had just enough leeway to turn the doorknob. he repeated the same process when he got to your bedroom, finally clicking the door open and shuffling over to place you down on your bed. after making sure you were still breathing, mammon turned away, ready to leave. he wasn't good with taking care of others, let alone a sick human; but when he took another look at you, dishevelled and almost helpless, mammon felt something in his stomach churn. the demon began his way back to your side, tentative fingertips brushing away the hairs that had started to stick to your forehead.

mammon frowned at the feeling, knowing that you usually never ran this hot. he only knew that because he poked at you often, and not because he had tried (and failed) to hold your hand on multiple occasions. the eldest brother had ordered mammon to come back to RAD if nothing else needed to be done, but mammon decided that maybe the human needed his care just this once.

he wasn't confident in his abilities, but he had seen what to do once while watching an anime over leviathan's shoulder. and so, mammon left your room for a few minutes, returning with a bucket of cool water and a small towel in hand. as carefully as he could, he pushed you further onto your bed so he could sit on the edge by your side. the towel, now damp, was placed onto your forehead moments after, accompanied by mammon draping a blanket over your now trembling figure. "what's your deal, getting sick all of a sudden…" mammon talked to himself every few minutes, constantly replacing the towel as it needed to be replaced. "get better already so we can go hit the casino. or somethin'." internally, mammon wished he was better at enchantments so that he wouldn't have to keep switching out the towel. the idea that satan or lucifer would be better at taking care of you made his blood boil.

the longer he stared at your face, the more his own heated up, the blush on his cheeks beginning to match yours. "so rude, ya won't even talk to me right now. if ya think getting sick gives ya an excuse, it doesn't. just so ya know!"

softly, the pads of his fingertips began to wander along your face, tracing your jaw and dancing over your cheeks lightly. a part of mammon had always wondered what it'd be like to hold your face in his hands. with a sigh, mammon pulled the towel off your forehead and dipped it into the bucket.

"it's not fair, human," he said under his breath, swirling the water with a hand. "when did i start wanting you more than anything else?"

he gazed at you longingly, setting the cloth down on your bedside table before scooting closer to you. slowly, he leaned in towards you, taking a shaky breath for courage before pressing his lips to the crown of your head. being greed incarnate, mammon wanted more of this, more of you, but he held back, not wanting to ruin what he had with you already. he pulled away from you, but couldn't get far before leaning down again and pressing his forehead to yours.

"one day," mammon murmured onto your skin, stroking your cheek delicately as he placed the towel back in its rightful place.

a/n: when i get sick and delirious i immediately just want mammom tbh

[vampcubus]

Hi! If your accepting requests would you mind Writing a thing with tanjiro, zentizu, Inosuke, and Kyoujuro (separate) with a reader who is blind? I have very limited vision, to the point with out my very thick glasses I cant cross a street lol. I'd think it be cute to see our favorite boys help my helpless ass lol.

𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐂𝐒

:ఌ¨ ♱ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 : tanjiro, zenitsu, inosuke, and kyojuro.

:ఌ¨ ♱ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : sfw, the boys being overprotective.

𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐎

— Tanjiro has found the balance between being caring and being overprotective of you. He’ll never make you feel like you’re delicate or dependent. Always asks permission before guiding you around, but has mini-heart attacks when he sees you doing dangerous things without him.

— If you're a slayer in spite of your blindness, he is immensely impressed! Always complimenting your grace and swordsmanship. He wonders if your other senses have heightened to accommodate your lack of vision.

— Tanjiro is determined to make you as happy as possible, keeping tabs on scents, textures, and sounds that make you smile. And gods does he love your smile. He'll do anything to see it.

— His hand is practically glued to yours 24/7 because he doesn't want to lose track of you in crowds... and the warm weight of your palm in his is comforting. Gets a little panicky if he loses track of you, head jerking from left to right, hopping to see above the crowd in search of your familiar face.

— Tanjiro always finds you though, that boy can sniff you out no matter where you wander off to.

— It's kind of funny when he finally does find you, because you don't look concerned at all, just going about your business like nothing was amiss. He'll sigh deeply through his nose and smile, jogging to catch up to you and take your hand in his again.

"There you are, you sure slipped away from me haha..."

— Pls don't wander off like that.

𝐙𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐀

— Anxiety bf that panics when you're out of his sight for more than two seconds, running around like a madman in search of his "poor helpless partner" (even if you're far from helpless)

"Y/N?? SWEETIE, WHERE ARE YOU?" "I'm right here, Zenitsu -_-"

— Actually has a knack for predicting accidents and scouting potential hazards, so he'll casually weave you around dangers without missing a beat in conversation. He'll hear you trip and rush in to keep you from falling just in the knick of time. That super speed comes in handy!

— Definitely takes advantage of your blindness to stare lovingly at you 24/7. Being able to stare at his beautiful partner without consequence? It’s too good to pass up.

— Goes from "let me protect you" to "protect me pls" if he finds out that you're a slayer, clinging onto you whenever you have to hunt demons together. As Zenitsu hardens and becomes less cowardly, he's much easier to work with. You two become so in tune with one another's fighting styles that you often get sent on missions as a pair.

— Zenitsu throws sobbing fits when you get sent on different assignments, worrying the whole time you're apart. What if you tripped and he wasn't there to catch you? What if you got lost and couldn't find your way back to him? He'd die alone!

— Your reunions are always teary (mostly him crying and you stand there confused as to why he's so upset) and snuggle-filled.

"I thought you were dead, my love!" he sobs, and your brows raise. "Your faith in me is sooo inspiring," you sigh, unamused. You pet his hair anyways, letting him cry into your shoulder.

𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐀

— I don't think he'd realize you're blind at first, which I think is fucking hilarious. He's always so confused about why you're missing certain cues and showing no reaction to his body language. He's gotten all up in your face several times just for you to stare at him with a blank expression. Finds you intimidating because of it and backs off.

"(butchered name) is so cool... I CAN'T STAND IT!"

— And then when it clicks that you can't see, he's facepalming so hard. You're not cool you're just blind and can't tell when he's provoking you. No matter, he'll just have to spell it out for you next time.

— If you're a slayer, Inosuke has a great deal of respect for you being able to kick demon butt despite your handicap. Then he thinks you're cool again :)))

— You'll notice that Inosuke holds onto your clothes a lot. Clutches your sleeve and tugs you around, or hangs onto your haori/kimono when you're out and about. He might not seem like the type to be a worry wart, but he is aware that your blindness makes you more vulnerable than others and is determined to be your eyes for you as often as he can. It's an unspoken thing.

— Has some slip-ups where he points at things and says "WOAH LOOK AT THAT!" only to see the strained expression Tanjiro's giving him and your blank one. "Oh right sorry."

— Prepare to be yanked out of the way by the wrist/clothing when danger comes your way. He might not be the most gentle about it, but he doesn't want you to get hurt.

𝐊𝐘𝐎𝐉𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐎𝐊𝐔

— Kyojuro is insanely protective of you. Always has an arm locked with yours at all times to guide you around safely, it's subconscious at this point.

— Obviously, he can't always be there to help you since his Hashira work keeps him away for long periods, something he regrets deeply. He reminds you to always be careful when you have to part ways, and makes you promise not to do anything too dangerous while he's away.

— Oftentimes entrusts you with Senjuro, who is more than happy to be your eyes when Kyojuro can't. Though sometimes even his father can be seen guiding you around the house, looking all soft-like, not that you can see the gentle expression on his face. Kyojuro's heart swells in his chest at the sight of his family taking such good care of his partner.

— He'll bite his tongue if you're a slayer, though even you can tell he wants to say something sometimes. It's not that he finds you to be weak, he's just terrified of losing you. Training loads with him will put his heart at ease a little, being able to see firsthand just how capable you are despite being sightless. He really shouldn't be surprised, Gyomei was blind just as you are, and is the strongest of the Hashira.

— Kyojuro is always placing your hands on his face and kissing your palms, grinning from ear to ear when he makes you giggle successfully.

[shiyorin]

Hope I’m not late! Could be any primarch/space marine either before or after corruption.May I ask about the raping of some serf that had fallen asleep near the chambers? And due to loneliness and being fucking pent up they grope her and after some quite while suddenly are balls deep, with her still asleep. Cut to the a year later, ship’s full of rumours. Well, serfs giving birth isn’t exatcly something weird. The child just becomes like their mother later on...but this child is just weird and growing abnormaly. The fate of them both is also yours to decide...to be either unrealistic taking the serf in due to regretable night or more plausable execution of a newborn due to them being a mutant❤️

#Why did I choose TS? I don't know, random.org said so.

#Unnamed Thousand Sons x F!Reader

#Rape, noncon, NSFW, somnophilia, there is a description of pregnancy,...

#I'm bad with summary so I won't do anything with it.

You won't wake up soon.

The sorcerer stares down at your sleeping form. His mind trick has you trapped in a deep slumber, completely at his mercy. 

He's not sure why he did it, casting that subtle hypnosis when he spotted you drifting off alone in this dusty hab-room. Maybe it was the warp's dark desires, twisting his thoughts to sinister temptation. Or maybe it was just the primal, feral urges every Astartes struggles to contain.

All he knows is seeing your exhausted body sprawled out there, so soft and vulnerable, awakened something... wrong inside him. Something that made his double-hearts feel way too confining.

This was wrong. Profane, even. You were just a lowly serf, an insignificant mortal whose only purpose was servitude. But those thoughts couldn't stop the Astartes from reaching out with his gauntlets and roughly gathering you into his embrace.

He wraps his huge arms around you, pulling you into his embrace effortlessly. Your body feels so tiny and delicate compared to his towering transhuman bulk. Just a fragile little mortal sack of flesh and bone, a helpless mortal compared to his might.

You were so light, so fragile in his arms. Your head lolled back, mouth parting slightly as you remained trapped in that unnatural slumber. He nuzzled his face against the warm, soft skin of your throat and inhaled deeply. Your warmth and sweet scent quickly enflames his senses with fresh desire.

Holding you tightly against his huge chest, he slowly ran his tongue along the delicate seam of your lips. No resistance, not even a flutter of awakening as your breath was stolen away. He tasted you greedily, feeling your chest rise and fall with panicked panting, but you didn't wake. How deliciously helpless you were in this state...

His massive hands slide down to squeeze and palm your tender, yielding curves as he grinds his hips against you forcefully.

"Such a little mortal" he growls in a deep tone. He could crush you without even trying... but why he should do that?

As the sorcerer pulls your limp, sleeping form against the throbbing heat of his crotch. He basks in the psionic feedback of your peacefully dreaming mind, aroused by its blissful innocence even as he feeds his corrupting taint into your subconscious.

His long tongue slithers out of his fanged maw, coiling between your parted lips to plunder the sweet recesses of your mouth. Deeper and deeper it plunges as he steals your breath away. What little air remains gets crushed from your lungs as he smashes his body against yours in an embrace.

But despite all of that, the mind-trick holds your consciousness fast. You remain completely unaware, slumbering on as a helpless dreamer in this waking nightmare.

"Exquisite..." The sorcerer's graveled whispers drip with heady arousal as he drags his rough calloused palms over every inch of your exposed skin.

With one overpowered tug, he rips away the flimsy rags covering your body. Now you lay nude and exposed, your most intimate places to his gaze. He feasts upon the glorious, forbidden vista with  eyes wide and shimmering with unholy ecstasy.

You're perfect. Every sumptuous curve and swell crafted with such artful elegance. Those ripe breasts, those sculpted feminine ridges and valleys, all brought into sharp relief by the Astartes' deeply lurid perception.

He trails his rough, calloused finger-pads over each exquisite inch of your prone flesh, drunk on the maddening sensory feedback. The texture, the warmth, the softness… like spun silk and liquid fire all at once.

His fanged maw gapes open in a silent moan as his grip grows more forceful and possessive. You remain dead to the world, locked away in his psychic trance.

A burning ache blossomed in his loins as he imagined all the things he could do. He could take his cock out and rut against your limp body right here, smearing your pretty face and tattered robes with ropy strands of hot semen. He could spread your thighs and shove himself into your vulnerable, unmapped entrance while you slept on, blissfully unaware.  

The thought made him shudder with blasphemous, warp-spawned ecstasy. He could defile you completely, utterly take possession of your mortal body for his own cravings. And you wouldn't remember a thing when the spell was lifted. Unless... he wanted you to.

Spurred on by this lack of resistance, the sorcerer's remaining inhibitions start to crumble like papyrus in a bonfire. His hands grow ever bolder and more rapacious, groping and mauling with shameless entitlement now. He sneers with sadistic glee as pale blue-purple bruises begin blossoming across your skin under his crushing grip.

You shift in his crushing grip, legs parting unconsciously as the psyker starts grinding his growing erection against your hips.

Your limp head lolls bonelessly, eyes closed and mouth slightly parted in a way that makes his cock throb. Groaning, he pulls your face against the sweaty cables of his neck and just breathes you in. Hands roaming, groping at the soft flesh of your rear and inner thighs. He hooks his fingers into the waistline of your skirt and briefs, tugging them down with a single, impatient yank.

Feverishly, he undoes his undercarriage, letting his huge, throbbing erection spring free in all its purplish, vein-laced glory. He groaned as his calloused palm wrapped around the swollen shaft, working the sensitive tip in slow, teasing strokes. Ropes of clear pre-seed immediately wept from his slit, painting your bare thigh in sticky trails. You didn't even flinch, totally enslaved in your sleep.

The psyker aimed his bloated cockhead at your exposed slit. He roughly shoving two fingers into your silken depths. You were drenched but still incredibly tight, an irresistible combination that made his cock jump needily.

With a feral grunt, he lined up the broad tip of his manhood and started pushing forward. Inch by deliciously snug inch, you were forced to accommodate his girth. Your body stretched around the invading member, your petals straining wide yet somehow accepting every last vein-ridged inch within.

The sorcerer gasped as your molten sheath swallowed him to the hilt.... you're so wet, so tight. He'd never experienced anything like the heavenly friction clenching down on his cock.

Unable to restrain himself a second longer, he pulled back until just his flared tip remained, then slammed home again. And again. His massive hips quickly worked up to a merciless piston, tramming his full length inside you over and over with a force.

All you could do was weakly squirm and whimper, mouth gaping in a silent scream as your womb was ruthlessly battered. But in your mind, you were drifting through shifting dreamscapes completely unaware of the blessed rapture rocking your mortal body.

So small, so damnably fragile... But taking every vein-slathered inch of a psyker's cock like it was nothing. He moaning, slamming you with each powerful thrust. His hands burned blistered prints into your delicate skin from how tightly he gripped your thighs.

The pistoning echoed loudly in the vaulted chamber. The sorcerer's amplified endurance and stamina meant he could have taken you for hours on end before feeling the need to peak. But the sleek, molten friction on his cock and the view of your helpless body quickly proved too much.

His growling breaths grew more labored as he chased his climax. His balls drew up tight, swollen with a massive backup of pent-up seed just waiting for release.

With a few more strokes, the psyker growl as he reached his limit. His jaw strained wide open in blissful torment as his cock spasmed violently, erupting thick ropes of burning issue straight into your waiting womb.

He hilted balls deep, trapped there in ecstasy as his cock throbbed and pulsed, absolutely flooding your depths with endless waves. It pumped into you in such massive quantities that his seed had nowhere to go, squirting back around his buried shaft in a hot, sticky rush.

The torrent of seed utterly stuffed your belly, rounding it into an obscene bulge until excess streamed down your thighs in ropy trails. He groaned gutturally, never having unleashed such a ferocious explosion of relief before.

Eventually, the last few weak spurts oozed from his tip. But still he didn't withdraw, hips remaining flush so his cock could marinate in that sloppy mess of frothing nectar and cream. He cradled you close, uncaring for the sticky mess as you laid bonelessly against his.

Your bruised, cum-stuffed body draped so perfectly over his own. Your soft, shallow breaths tickling his cheek as he nuzzled into the crook of your throat. He nipped at the sweat-pearled flesh there affectionately, fangs grazing without breaking skin as his hands roamed over your pleasantly rounded curves in reverent strokes.

What was this emotion settling over him? It wasn't lust or hunger driving him to use you l anymore. Those intense urges had been scratched, at least for the time being. No, this felt... more?

Like he wanted to do more for you. He wanted to protect you, care for you in a deeper sense. Keep you close by his side. He wanted you to feel comfort and pleasure, not just to provide your own.

Is this what being a "lover" felt like? Of course, he knew the definition of "lover" by heart. But....

Some profound emotional bond he may have sacrificed the ability to feel when he gave himself wholly to his new life. But looking at your marked, debased body somehow made him almost... wistful. As if he once knew something warm and beautiful that had been shorn away, leaving only this raw desire behind.

Maybe if it was him in the past, he could understand. He could not recall that ghost of his former self, no matter how his battered soul scraped those old wounds... but the longing remained all the same.

With a shuddery sigh, the psyker merely pulled you tighter against his. His corrupted flesh could no longer feel such superficial things like warmth or softness, yet he still clung to you with desperate fierceness. He would sate his lusts over and over again on your lush form until the next battle urged his abilities forth once more.

And until then... just maybe he could pretend, for a few fleeting moments at least, you were something more than that. Maybe you are his 'lover'

Just wait until you wake up…

****

The halls of the Immaterium were a formless void of madness and eternity. A place outside the constraints of linear time where even the most stalwart minds could be swallowed whole by the hellish tides of Chaos.

How long had he been adrift within that nightmarish un-reality? He'd lost all sense of self, allowing his immortal essence to fray and fragment amidst frenzies of eldritch horrors. Just another hollowed husk withering amongst the psychic howls echoing from distant, unknown dimensions.

Until... he felt it. A familiar spark amidst the madness, drawing his frenzied consciousness like a beacon in the abyssal murk.  

A soul - small, achingly mortal, yet blazing with the warm light of life he'd all but forgotten existed beyond the immortal pollution of the Immaterium. He instinctively anchored himself there, clawing his way back into the corporeal plane to coalesce around that guttering ember of temporal existence.

Reality bled back into shrieking focus all at once. The sorcerer gasped, feeling the first touch of atmosphere scorching his lungs after an endless sojourn breathing naught but howling insanity. His eyes snapped open, revealing a blasted cityscape that stank of death and plasmic fire.

Wails of anguish echoed all around him as refugees fled the ruins in panicked droves. Overhead, the roar of engines and explosions painted the smog-choked skyline in crimson and gold. He stood in the middle of a ruined crossroads, his armor thrumming with barely-leashed arcane might.

And there... huddled in the bombed-out remains of what may have been a domicile, he saw you. His anchor, his tether to sanity in this mortal realm. Clutching a tiny, frail thing to your breast and shaking with terror that etched lines of exhaustion into your face.

A child. Your child, he realized through the haze of recognition clouding his enhanced mind. So young, its life newly-kindled... but somehow already stamped with his brand. Intrinsically linked to his.

He remember it...

He came back for you.

He extended one taloned gauntlet, feeling ethereal tendrils of energy reaching out to the two terrified souls before him...

[noyzinerd]

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod 😭 @raisesomehale tagged me for an excerpt-writing-thing! This is my first time getting tagged for this kind of thing, thanks so much! Excerpt from my WIP, Pseudology, where the boys have to face their inner demons in the forms of dark versions of each other. Enjoy!

"Don't tell me you're honestly surprised you're here." Nega-Derek sneered. "You always talk about how unfair it is to be dragged into all the shit that happens to you, about how you're always the first to be taken or hospitalized or the one to lose the most friends. Oh, boo-hoo. Always the victim, aren't you Stiles? Never stopping to wonder why so many things happen to you when you can never leave anything well enough alone. It's never your fault Scott follows all of your whims, right? That's on him for getting himself left out in the woods. You weren't the one who released the Nogitsune, so why would it be your fault poor Allison and all those people died? Letting the Nogitsune in had nothing to do with what happened, right?"

"Please…" The 'don't' died on his lips as the thing circled around Stiles, those colorless eyes piercing deeply into his own.

The spirit tutted in mock disappointment. "And what about me, Stiles? You've found a way to manipulate me into loving you just like you did Lydia. Now here I am, willing to die for you in your ridiculous ocean of lies and secrets. Are you going to get bored and leave me too? When is that trophy of catching the most sought-after specimen going to lose its charm and have you kicking me out on the street, broken and empty? Do I deserve it too, just like Lydia? She ignored you for years and used you to get at someone who hurt her. Apparently, that's all the reason in the world to get back at her, make her suffer for making you feel this way. She was your claim, your property, to treat however you wanted because her actions displeased you. It made you want to watch her cry. It made you want to insert yourself into her life and to make her yours even if you had to drag her in, kicking and screaming. Am I just another Lydia to you? Am I here because you like me or am I here for you to punish for bullying you? Is that what you want? To see me cry over you? Does it make you feel powerful having so much control over me? Does it flatter your ego to know that the big, bad, strong, former-Alpha Derek Hale, the Derek Hale, is so helpless to your charm that he can't even go a single day without thinking about you? Do you even know what I am to you?"

Stiles had nowhere else to back up. His feet were frozen. The words kept gnawing at his brain, twisting in his chest like a noose around his heart. Covering his ears hadn't helped. The sound of that too-familiar, but too-wrong voice was infesting his ears in a way that rang in his mind rather than his ears, starting inward and echoing out like the words were coming from his very soul. There was nothing he could say. He couldn't fight the words.

Especially since he knew they were all true.

"Ha! You don't even know!" Nega-Derek practically squealed delightedly. "Chatty Cathy Stiles suddenly with nothing to say. Well, isn't that just a rare sight! Finally ran out of bullshit to spew from that poisonous little goblin mouth, I see. That's fine. I have enough to talk about for the both of us," the thing chirped happily.

Sorry, I've never done this before so I'm terrible at tagging, especially since I don't know how many of you are actually writers. Also, am I supposed to just tag mutuals or just anyone? 😰I don't actually have a lot of mutuals, so I guess whoever else out there feels like writing, feel free to say I tagged you (no one's going to double check that shit 🤣). Literally no pressure tags: @cursedtruth, @gynnnicsworld, @grimmypuff, @haleshomeforthederanged, @princecharmingwinks, @raisesomehale

[rainba]

Hihihihi!!! How would the sillies respond to a darling who's self destructive (both socially and physically, like self harm and self sabotage)? I love ur OCS btw ur writing is amazing 💘

Aww, thank youuu!! :3c

And thank you for the ask!! It's really made me think....

Huge warning for these responses, they are very… Dark. If these topics make you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip this one!

TWs/tags: self-harm, toxic behaviors from the yans.. Lots of angst (plus comfort)

For Kairos, it’d be a really unhealthy situation. He, too, engages in really self-destructive behaviors, and if his darling also does it, he’d only end up enabling you even further. In some way, Kairos would see it as “beautiful”, the two of you suffering together at your own hands... He’d be one of those people that would watch you cut yourself and then kiss your scars right after… And then he’d cut himself in the same places, just so you two can “match.”

And if you’re socially self-destructive? Pushing everybody away because you just feel like everyone secretly hates you, or for some other reason? It’s okay– all you need is Kairos, anyway! You can destroy all of your other relationships, so long as you keep Kairos close to you.

He’ll love you forever and ever, you never have to worry about him leaving you. If you push him away, he’ll keep coming back. You could be at your absolute worst, and he’d still view you as a perfect angel. It’s… Not healthy. But he can’t help it.

However– if you were to ever put yourself into any life-threatening situations, or if you genuinely wanted to die, he'd become downright terrified and would try his best to make you stop your self-destructive behaviors. After all, he loves you too much– he doesn’t want you to die. The two of you need to live long, happy lives together! If engaging in all these self-destructive things with you might lead to your death, he’ll do everything in his power to make it stop, and he'll also make sure that the both of you get better. He'll hold your hand every step of the way, recovering alongside you. And he'd never judge you for relapsing.

Basically, it's sort of like this: if you want to get worse, Kairos will also get worse. If you want to get better, Kairos will do everything in his power to help you, and he’d also try to help himself along the way. It’s almost like he’s mirroring you, in some ways.

As for Luka, he’d have a totally opposite reaction to Kairos. He would be enraged that you actively hurt yourself. He’d handle it pretty badly. If he found out that you actively harm yourself, he would refuse to take his eyes off of you and would be monitoring your every movement... You'd suddenly never get a moment to yourself.

When you’re using the bathroom, he’ll be standing next to you the whole time. When you shower, he’ll be showering with you. When you go to sleep, he'll be caging you in his arms.

If you have a job, he might actually force you to quit, just so he can monitor you even further. Either that, or he’ll make you take a temporary leave from work until he knows that you’ve stopped hurting yourself.

It’s… Absolutely not a good way to go about it, he knows this, but it’s the only thing he can think of doing. It's his gut reaction to it all.

Luka would keep asking you ‘why’ as he holds you tightly in his arms, glaring at you while also having pitiful tears in his eyes. For one of the first times in his life, he feels so deeply hurt and confused. He isn't prepared at all to handle the feelings that are bubbling within himself. Luka would also start losing lots of sleep.

When you’re sleeping peacefully in bed beside him, he’d sit up and bed and just… Stare at you for hours.

Slowly, he'd start kissing your cheeks, stroking your hair, and then holding you close as he tries not to be upset with you. He knows that you’re hurting… And he loathes how helpless he feels. While he’s not the biggest advocate for therapy, he would ask you to go see a therapist. He knows that he alone can’t help you– and that it’s impossible for him to just monitor you every second of every day.

If you refuse to see a therapist, he’ll be upset, but he won't force you to go. All he tells you is that if you need it, he’ll listen to you– even though he’s horrible at giving good advice. But at the very least, he’s really good at just listening to you. He’ll remember everything you tell him. And any time you show signs of improvement, he will be proud of you.

As for socially sabotaging yourself, it’s the same as Kairos. All you really need is Luka, so… He won’t stop you from cutting everyone else off. ^^;;

[stevie-petey]

hi honey <3 what was going on in steve’s head while bug was driving him home from the halloween party? :) mwah!

finally have some time to respond to this blurb because a LOT was going through that silly boys brain </3

enjoy !

"i'll drive steve home." if steve had had anything to drink, those words wouldve sobered him up immediately.

however, hes stone cold sober as you stand before him, demanding him to argue with you.

he tries. he really does, but you have that glint in your eyes that steve had quickly learned meant youd get your way, no matter what.

for such a sweet and selfless person, you could be frustratingly stubborn sometimes.

steve is about tell you to just leave him alone, this is most eye contact hes made with you since july, but then you grab his hand and it all comes crashing back to steve.

your hand still fits perfectly within his, and for a second steve swears the pads of his fingers tremor when they graze against your palm, as if theyve exhaled with relief upon your touch.

when youve dragged steve outside, the tremors in his fingertips has become so uncomfortable that he has to drop your hand. hes afraid that if he doesnt, his knees will give out. after the shitty night hes had, he cant afford to spare any more of his pride.

steve sees the disappointment on your face when he drops your hand, and he feels the familiar pang in his chest. hes disappointed you again, upset you, but he figures its time hes evened the score anyways.

you hurt him first.

"not to make this awkward, but i kinda dont know where you live." you voice from the drivers seat. your tone is light, steve can hear how much youre trying to tell him without explicitly saying so.

hes tired of everyone treating him like a fucking idiot.

"make a left up here." he responds, staring out the window. he refuses to let you see him cry. nancys words are still ringing in his ears while your perfume clouds his mind.

its all so fucking confusing.

"do you want to talk about what happened tonight-"

steve once admired your selflessness, how open you are with what you feel and how deeply you feel it. then, you closed yourself off from him. shrouded your kindness from him and masked every feeling on your pretty little face without so much of an explanation. now, after finally being confronted with one another, you want to talk about fucking feelings?

yeah, sure. steve can do that.

"why do you only ever care about me when im some kicked fucking puppy?"

steve sees you flinch from the corner of his eye and the anger hes felt ever since july vanishes. "you know thats not true."

"its not?" steve remembers the look on your face that night the two of you saw jonathan in nancys bed. itd been the first time youd shown genuine sympathy towards steve, the first time hes ever truly had your attention.

then he remembers the alley, how youd begged him to not hurt jonathan and hed let his childish anger get the better of him anyways. steve remembers grabbing you and pulling you away from the others so that you wouldnt get hurt by the cops. he had just wanted to help you, and when he told you this he knew you saw the helplessness in his eyes. your lips had trembled as you looked at steve, you had cared about him, then.

you had almost stayed that day in the alley.

but then you left steve to go run after jonathan.

and this summer, steve doesnt know what happened between you and him, but you left again.

"then explain what happened this summer." steve knows himself. he knows that if you can give him any reason, anything, then hed welcome you back into his life with warm and worn arms.

your fingers tighten around the steering wheel. your eyes scan the empty road ahead and steve already knows what youll say. "i..."

nothing. you cant tell him a single fucking thing. delirious and heartbroken, steve laughs. "yeah, whatever. some real fucking friend you were."

and thats what hurts steve the most. you were his friend, you told him this yourself. minutes before you pulled away from him, youd been telling steve how much of a good friend he was.

you knew. he had told you how much hes struggled with connecting with others. you knew, and you still left.

nancy has provoked a different kind of hurt. she doesnt know steves deepest insecurities, or how hard he tries to be good enough for her. sure, steve felt a purpose being loved by her, but she couldnt have known this.

you were different.

and steve just wants to go home.

the silence settles, heavy. you take a shaky breath and steve has to pinch the skin on his arm so he doesnt reach out to hold you. "i got scared."

he cant help it. steve turns to you, your confession surprising him. "scared?"

"yeah, scared."

and just as quickly as youve opened back up to steve, you retreat.

anger rises again. "gee, y/n. that really explains a ton."

"im sorry, steve. i really am. its just... i got scared, ive never been good at letting people in. i know it doesnt excuse my actions, and you didnt deserve any of it, but you just... you scared me."

steve understands what its like to be scared of those around you, of giving someone the power to be vulnerable around them, but after everything thats happened with nancy tonight, he finds that he doesnt care anymore what vulnerability gets him. "turn right after this light."

something changes, then. steve notices your posture straighten, your jaw clenches and your knuckles are white against the steering wheel. theres a newfound spark now, a fight within you. "look, you came crashing into my life in such a violent way, and it became the best goddamn thing that happened to me."

steves heart is pounding against his chest.

your voice shakes still. he knows, he can feel it, just how hard this is for you. "there you were, spending every day at my job just to talk to me. you asked me questions about myself and noticed things no one else had before and i just... i couldnt do it."

a pause, you look over at steve and you soften your voice, lacing it with everything hes wanted from you since july. "i missed you."

i missed you.

steve whispered those words to nancy in the hallway only yesterday, but he knows he really meant them for you.

no ones ever missed him before.

"missed?" when steve was young, he remembers asking his dad if he missed him. missed implied caring for someone at some point, but long after theyve already left. to have missed someone means to have long settled the ache that followed the hurt of leaving.

"miss. i miss you,"

something opens within steves chest. he can feel it, this expanding that slowly overtakes his body. it crawls over him, clouds his brain the same way your perfume does, and steve has to close his eyes as it settles.

he feels like a little kid again, accepting whatever his father gives him.

steve is tired.

but he sees you wipe at your eyes. your hands shake, despite your best attempts of steadying them as you drive, and steve knows he could never, ever remain angry with you.

he recognizes, suddenly, how similar the two of you are. two lonely kids trying to walk everyone home.

[gz-missfit]

God these are live thoughts about this but Tazercrafts dynamic today. Their undoubted attachment to each other fucking hurt today.

Let's see how long this gets.

So first of all its definitely obvious that both still carry wounds from the prison, there's no doubt about it and while Mike definitely showed that a lot more over the last weeks we all kinda picked up on Pac not being okay, on how he was doing his best to move on for Mike. To stay sane for Mike. to ground him when his intrusive thoughts got bad or when he woke up from nightmares after seeing Walter Bob.

We all could see through his facade even if it was just based on instincts and small actions and words he said during the beginning, we knew he wasn't fully okay but no one else did cause above all else this dude is an incredibly talented liar if he has a reason and goal for it.

Now why do I bring that up?. Because we saw him express not being okay today! Mike saw him not being okay today for the first time since they escaped cause even if their minds are melded together by a bond that goes beyond words they're able to keep secrets from each other, and with his own emotions being a bubbling mess there was no way Mike could've noticed that a lot of those were also Pacs.

We saw it with how he got trapped, how he was panicked beyond believe and I think that's the first time Mike noticed that Pac is still very much not okay, because Mike was calm. He noticed Pac be so close to a panic attack to something that usually wouldn't bother him so his mind realized there that Pac was also still hurting, that Pac also needed help just like he did to calm down. While Pac helped him cool his boiling anger, Mike realized he needed to help Pac with his drowning anxiety. That's why his calm response to calm Pac and tell him he'll be okay hurt so much.

It was Mike first realizing Pac needed him too, especially now that they went back there.

The next was when the code attacked, both were so. Helpless. Obviously in typical Pac behavior he ran towards Richas, the ever selfless Pac throwing himself infront of his son like he does during any threat. Which is honestly a scary trait of him if I think about it too deeply (I swear this dude needs therapy but that's a whole other box I'd have to open) and the code zoned in on him. Teasingly hitting him while again, Pacs anxiety bubbled in his throat as he desperately called out for Mike. And Mike again, was helpless staring at his best friend, his souldbound because he couldn't help. He couldn't hit it no matter how much he tried, so he tried so hard to calm Pac but you could tell that this time even Mike was cracking at the seams. Pacs fear and pain meddling through their connection and filling his brain that when the Pearl teleport hit them he passed out on the spot. While Pac kept standing just through sheer adrenaline and blood loss fueling him alone.

This is also the first time forever got to see Pac panic, his constant repeating of words being the worst show of his anxiety we've had so far.

And when Mike finally came back to, and he and Pac could breathe to explain. But Pac vanished, ripped from the reality that surrounded them while Forever, Richas and Mike could do nothing but watch as his vanishing left the faintest purple particles behind, proving that he didn't do this on his own.

Now...I'd like to think that Mike logging off was a connection of multiple things, his hands reacted faster than his mind could comprehend so while Pac got transported through nothingness only to be dropped in ice cold water Mike teleported home.

And then he broke.

There's no doubt that Pac and Mike's minds are tied together, like I've said before they'll always be 2 hearts and 1 soul for me as they're soulbound since childhood. Destined to find each other and stay together till the end of time. So when Pac got teleported Mike could feel the fuzz of the forced teleportation in his own mind, could feel the ice cold water chill him down to the bone knowing that for Pac that feeling was a thousand times worse. And I think the thing that did it, that hit him the hardest was feeling his soulbound snap.

To feel the connection that was usually constantly flowing go dead silent. To feel part of his soul rip apart. To feel part of himself go dull and fade as he could do nothing but hope that this wasn't the end. That he would be able to call out to his partner in crime again and receive a response rather the static that screamed at him now whenever he tried to tap into their connection.

The silence was deafening for Mike, the echos of Pacs voice shouting through his brain as he could nothing but stand there and watch. Stand there and feel as his other half vanished into nothingness.

So his mind shut off, white noise flooding his mind as he fell unconscious and this time having no one by his side. His body laying safe in the arena they built together.

And I think deep down he knows what he'll wake up to, an empty arena. No one looking after him as much as he looks after them. A voice that usually filled his mind with a constant flow of conversation being gone. All while he has to desperately try and rebuild the part of himself that he lost. Just waiting and hoping that this isn't the last time he saw him, that his mind can take this hit better than when they took Walter Bob cause this time he has to be strong. Just like Pac has been for him since their escape. He has to hope and wait and try to find Pac.

Because in Mike's mind, in their shared soul Tazer was now offline.

Leaving Craft alone.

[fangsforiris]

Hihi!! I say ur ask box was open (srry if I’m wrong) and I wanted to see if you could maybe do how Shuu, Ayato, Kanato, and Reiji would react to falling deeply in love with someone who is incredibly self sacrificial? I’m sorry if I didn’t do this right, it’s my first time submitting an ask so I’m a bit nervous. Have a good rest of ur day/evening!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

—————————

Sakamaki’s Reaction to S/O Who’s Self-Sacrificial

Shū:

“Don’t act like that, please… I’ve already lost so much, I dont’t know if I can possibly handle another… Just stay with me…”

• This would hit Shū the hardest by far. Considering how he’s already lost a lot (ex: Edgar,) he wouldn’t want to lose another thing precious to him.

• It’s like a cycle to him which he so desperately wants to get out of.

• This would either make or break him, since he’s emotionally repressed himself for years, or even centuries, just to save himself the fear of once again not being enough to save anyone else he cherishes.

• Falling in love was never his expectation nor was he looking for it. For it to happen so suddenly, and to someone that happens to be the same sacrificing trope like a certain someone, it’ll definitely throw him for a loop.

Reiji:

“You mustn’t let yourself succumb to such acts. I am a vampire, your sacrifice will be in vain. You mean more to me alive… more than you’ll ever know.”

• Reiji wouldn’t want to deal with someone self-sacrificial, really. As in, it would really have him at a loss for words at times.

• In the sense that, when seeing them, he doesn’t want to be reminded of how naive and ‘over the top’ he was in his own past.

• He 100% wouldn’t want to see his S/O attempt anything he may deem foolish (that is, attempting to sacrifice themselves at any given moment.)

• He’d find the sentiment a bit shocking, especially with his past of rejection. For someone to now want to do certain things for him, in the name of him, all for him… it doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t feel as if he deserves it.

Ayato:

“Oi! Don’t go doing anything stupid! Your place is beside me, not 6 feet under me…! Stupid…”

• Ayato doesn’t usually fall for people other than by their looks.

• So for him to now suddenly get an emotional connection to someone who’s so helpless devoted to him, it’s as if he’s the only one in the world that matters.

• He’d find the sentiment cute, in the sense that someone is willing to do anything and everything for him— the great ‘ore-sama.’ However, if someone is his, he has no intention on letting them go.

• I feel as though he doesn’t believe as much in the ideology that ‘vampires kill for love/killing is the ultimate act of love’ as much as other characters may (Ahem, Laito.) So this would hurt him more if anything, since he did canonically feel a bit of guilt killing Cordelia, as well.

Kanato:

“You will stop this silly attempt of yours to end your life! Why do you want to leave me and Teddy alone, huh!? Am I not worth it…?”

• Kanato would be deeply upset. As in, I think he’d show the largest outward reaction to both himself, his brothers, and you. 

• He canonically has high abandonment issues, so to have someone with a high tendency to resort to self-sacrificing methods, it would set him off. Almost as if it’s a trigger.

• He would most likely place it around himself, using terms like ‘why are you leaving me, why do they always do this to me, why me?!’ That sort of thing.

• Kanato would do a lot to stop this. You’re his toy, and he doesn’t exactly play with broken dolls— as stated by him. For an immortal being, he wouldn’t want to be left alone and would do whatever it takes (even if it’s unhealthy,) to rid their S/O of the mindset.

Authors Note: You’re all good!! Thank you for the ask, hope you enjoyed !!

[yuseirra]

I've been jotting down notes here like a madman, but no matter how much I think about it, I don't think Ai's boyfriend would have tried "to scare her" by sending Ryosuke..

Looking at how Kamiki behaves, he’s the type who takes responsibility for things even when it’s not his fault, and it really wears him down.

I mean, the things Ai brought up when she left to him were incredibly cruel...(she didn't blame him, just stated the facts but that alone would have broke him) The incident related to Taiki was something terrible, something for which a mere 11-year-old kid could have no responsibility; he was just a one-sided victim. Yet, when Kamiki brings it up when talking to Aqua, he talks about it as if it was something he had done, saying things like "what I did," and justifies Ai leaving as if it were natural. When someone "accepts" and "agrees with" things to this extreme degree, the possibility of aggressive outbursts is very low. If this guy showed aggression, it should have been MUCH sooner, he couldn't even do anything at Airi, he couldn't say anything when Ai left. He just... stands there with wide eyes all speechless. No sense of anger or active actions of rebuttals.

His personality seems to be one where, when something happens, he doesn’t lash out at others but instead torments himself. He blames himself for everything, thinking, "Oh, it's my fault that things turned out this way," and he’s terrible at self-protection (he’s similar to Aqua in this way, but his low self-esteem makes it even worse). He should have been angry at Ai’s words, but he couldn’t even do that.

This kind of reaction aligns with how he couldn’t say a word in chapter 155. From his perspective, he’s been believing Ai’s lie for over a decade, and then the next thing he says is that he’s going to do something for Ai. His ways of actions are consistent. If he’s still like this after 15 years, then he’s either always been like this, or it’s just his nature, or at least when it comes to things related to Ai (although it seems like this is how he is overall).

It’s not impossible that he "exploded after holding it in for so long," but what happened before Ai died wasn’t enough to provoke someone’s breaking point like that... If it’s true that she only contacted him after four years, well, it’s possible that this character, given his nature, might have been excited, surprised, and desperate, only to be rejected again, leading him to feel miserable and sorrowful. But then he might have thought, "Of course, Ai wouldn’t want to meet someone like me again; that’s only natural," and convinced himself of that. (If someone dumps him, he’s more likely to accept it rather than obsess over it. Think about it, he didn't do anything for 4 years;; and Ai's a celebrity, he could've tried to approach her on many occasions but the protagonist twins have no idea of the dad) Based on what he says, this interpretation makes more sense. I think he could've been just incredibly sad. But then something went wrong, Ai died, and now he’s completely out of his mind, thinking it’s his fault. I honestly don't understand why you'd try to harm someone who'd be willing to show your kids whom you share with them. Is he that crazy and broken? That sort of reaction is very different from how he used to be, and personalities don't change that drastically. Maybe he grew insane after the influence of the black star or whatever, but from how well the characters are written in this manga, I think there should have been signs if he were to be the type to take that sort of toxic action. Kamiki mostly just seemed.. timid and helpless, in his past.

He believes he was never loved by the person they loved deeply, but he also says he's willing to sacrifice their life for them while being so, that’s actually quite a miserable state of mind, isn’t it? Even in such a state, it seems like Kamiki was constantly doing something for Ai. Since he thought Ai didn’t like him, he probably disregarded himself entirely and went off the rails... with a mindset of "I don’t care if I die."

That’s why I think statements from this character like "It’s my fault" or "I did it" are not very reliable to believe at face value. It seems like he’s saying these things because he wants to blame himself, or maybe he can’t forgive himself, so he talks like that. I could be wrong, but at least when it comes to Yura, I think there’s a high chance that he’s less responsible than he thinks and that there’s about a 50% chance that he didn’t even kill anyone; the more I try to examine his character, I feel like he’s not someone who would originally harm others.

Maybe he really did nothing at all... If that’s the case, someone should save this guy. The only explanation I could think of, for having Ai say "help Kamiki" would be this. If it were to be any other way, and Ai was his victim, then the story is just so harsh on Ai, even if she loves him, Kamiki would have to pay for what he's done, not "helped". Well, his life has been pretty miserable. I don’t know what he’s been up to while the main characters grew up and after he broke up with Ai and looking at him all dressed up in a suit and holding champagne, he might have lived his life doing everything he wanted and enjoying it, but I think he’d have definitely been mentally devastated since Ai’s death. He’s probably extremely depressed, to the extent that it's surprising he’s still alive. It can’t be otherwise. I bet he really doesn't care about himself all so much.., the songs imply that very strongly.

This could sound like I'm trying to defend myself for shipping them but really.. I don't think Hikaru tried to scare Ai using Ryosuke in the first place. It just doesn't line up with his personality and what his behaviors used to be like. My drawings are actually drawn on the baseline that he lied about to be hated by Aqua and to get avenged by him (at that point of the story, he still believed that Ai and Aqua both wanted to get revenge on him and he decided to go along with it) but I know, I can be wrong. And there's probably a pretty low chance of this being touched again, but it's been so confusing for me... If he turns out to be like that, then it is what it is, I guess.

What he did, if what he claimed to do is what's happened in truth, is unforgivable. It shouldn't be redeemable, although he did have his own troubles. But with how the stories are lined up, Ai's confession of love comes AFTER he makes such a claim, and she wants to help him. Would the writer really try to justify or stand with a guy who tried to scare her ex by sending a guy with a knife?; and make Ai say those kinds of things? For her to wish not just herself, but to work with her own children -the protagonists- to help a guy like that? That'd be so cruel. I wouldn't be able to support that so wholeheartedly. I'd want to see him get some proper scolding at least, as a minimum but Aqua just let him go after having him see a video. It makes me wrap my head a lot... it's not handled really well if that's what the story really is.

And why send a pretty bouquet, out of all things when you're trying to "make someone feel the same despair"? Couldn't that have been just a well-meant gift? I mean he sent one to Akane and he's held one at a funeral, and those didn't turn out to have ill intent from what's been shown so far. How did this guy even meet Ryosuke in the first place?

I wrote a theory about what could've happened earlier, and in short, I think Nino being Ryosuke's accomplice on this (and her having introduced Ryosuke to Kamiki) would make more sense than this guy. Nino could have had many opportunities to encounter Ryosuke, but I can't really picture exactly how and for what reason Kamiki would've met this guy and formed a long-term alliance of some sort if he's never really wanted to harm Ai.

So yeah.. I'll just draw them lots before things clear up more(maybe it never will and I'm just overthinking things but I'm really curious just how Ryosuke got into contact with this guy; stuff's confusing) and I'll kick Kamiki's butt if he's really done that sort of thing. Idk; his reactions in 155 were even milder than how I first anticipated it to be...he has very low levels of aggression if I've interpreted it right.

It's so fun to think about these things, perhaps I'm a person who will be scammed really easily since I believe in people's goodwill but, it will allow me to draw some things for the time being.

[themandaloriansdiaries]

Evergreen

Warnings: angst but I think that's about it.

Pairings: Anakin Skywalker x f reader

A/N: This is mainly about what the reader is going through. TMI I was on my period when I drafted this.. which is why it's pretty depressing. I was just up late at night listening to Evergreen and the idea just kinda popped up in my head. It's not great but I thought it was decent, so pls don't come over here with anything negative to say, otherwise we can fight lmao. Also, I know the lyrics aren't exactly in order but I just put lyrics I thought fit best with each part. omg I know I'm talking too much, I'll stop now. BYE.

Word Count: 690

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He don't love,

Me no more.

He don't love, He don't love,

Me no more.

“What’s gotten into you Anakin?” Your lip quivers, you try to hold back the tears that are ready to spill from your eyes.

“Why does it matter y/n! I’m sick of you hovering over me.” Anakin spits back.

“I’m only trying to help, Ani you’ve been so distant it’s starting to worry me”your response is quiet, your voice cracking.

Your hand reaches out to him, in attempts to rest on his shoulder, but he’s quick to shrug it off

“I never asked for your help!” He doesn’t bother to turn to face you. “Have you ever thought that maybe I just don’t feel the need to have you around anymore?” His tone was different, he didn’t sound like himself.

You jump at the sudden change in his tone. You were taken back by his words.

you did not want to believe what you were hearing

"You don't mean that Anakin, I love you." you cry out

He's now turned, looking down at you, with no emotion in his face.

"I don't love you anymore."

In that moment you felt your heart break, you felt like you couldn't breathe.

The Anakin once knew, would never think to speak to you in such a way, let alone treat you this way.

All you could do is cry, sobs escaping your lips as you quickly leave the room.

Anakin didn’t seem to care, he didn’t come after you.

He changed… He changed for the worse.

The man you once fell in love with.. was no longer there. He was long gone, as well as the love he had for you.

You felt helpless, you missed him.

I've cried, I've cried so much

For you, baby.

you sat in front of your vanity, staring at yourself in the mirror, tears streaming down your cheeks. You looked pathetic, but it didn't matter.. you were hurting.

Things had taken a rough turn in yours and Anakin's relationship.. All you could think about is the drastic change between the two of you.

Memories from the night the argument occurred, play in your head. All you could think about is how he spoke to you, the way he looked at you like you were nothing.

Truthfully, you had no idea what went wrong. Things were perfect, you and Anakin were inseparable, doing almost everything together, spending as much time with one another. Then suddenly everything changed. It had gotten to the point where he stopped asking of you, he wouldn't even look in your direction anymore.

All you could do is sit there in silence, and think what could have possibly gone wrong.

Was there something wrong with my body?

Am I not what you wanted, babe?

You think of all the possibilities, was it your appearance, did he grow tired of you? were you simply not enough for him anymore?

the idea of you not being enough for him causes you to break down even more, your attempts to bite down on your lip to keep from letting these noises escape you, failed. Quiet sobs escape your lips.

"What went wrong?" asking yourself, as if you would receive a response.

Evergreen, he tears me to pieces

You don't understand why he treats you the way he does.. and you don't understand why you can't just let go..

Somehow you still managed to stay here, you stayed even if it slowly destroyed you.

Anakin was tearing you into pieces.

No matter what, you still found yourself in love with him, you still found yourself caring so deeply about him.. even though he treated you terribly, he wasn’t always like this. Something changed, you just don’t know what it is.

But sometimes I pray that you fall in love.

You hope one day he'll open his eyes and see how much he has hurt you, you hope one day your Anakin will come back.

You hope that one day, he can love you the way he did before.

You hope that one day you both can be happy together, again.

One last time.