#why do i hurt the ones i love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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diurnalvl · 2 months

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seven years ago, they used to be friends. almost.

1 / 2 / ?

#diurna draws #vox #alastor #staticradio #radiostatic #radiosilence #onewaybroadcast #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #gosh i love doing more complex shading to make fake screencaps it's so satisfying.#sorry for using my personal vox design this is purely self indulgent. hey maybe vox only starts wearing bowties after this #anyways part two is going to be uploaded in a bit my doves <3 #vox made his way through the trapdoor that's why he's initially on his knees #...not any other reason...#he's so danger unaware to alastor going haywire #thing is i feel that during their friendship vox was long used to alastor hurting other people in front of him that it just...#doesn't occur to him that alastor would've ever hurt him in that way.#shame #because it never occured to alastor that vox would cross that line and ruin their friendship.#alastor is somehow desperately angry and desperately sad #and angrier still that vox gets to make him feel that way.#suddenly #alastor feels a pearl of absolute hatred form inside of him #he's never felt so strongly about something in his entire afterlife #if only my shitty little aces could communicate and stop being insane for one second. sigh.

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months

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Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands.#It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone.#What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again!#Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes.#Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY.#Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly.#What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person?#What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white?#When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not.#It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible.#This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down.#And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it.#And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

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skunkes · 3 months

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shoe issue

#a doodley #i have white with rainbow underside vans and retro rainbow and white converse that i love so much but #they hurt ! even when you put things on the back #i have permanent marks on that area (is it the achilles tendon??? but near the bottom) bc of how often shoes Hurt #even when i have multiple comfortable shoes (the plain converse) one is usually more comfortable (the white shoes)#and white goes with everything so....why wldnt i jst go with the easiest comfiest shoe to put on...why wld i want more shoes...ykwim...#or like i do wanna wear those awesome black platform boots but even if i had a fit for them they take so long to put on when the most i go #out usually isnt for very long...idk !#its not an active decision...i wld like to be fashionable... jst smthng i noticed

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puppetmaster13u · 24 hours

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Prompt 321

You know Content Warning? Lethal Company but youtube videoing?

Danny does that- just well, with the Zone. It’s not like it can be mapped out, what with people moving their Lairs and more lairs and islands constantly manifesting. And well, there’s so many things out here, and it’s not like he can be an astronaut.

So, he decided to make exploration logs for the Zone instead, alongside his friends and a doppelganger or two holding equipment. It’s great, and people can donate whenever he live streams so he’s getting income too.

He just erm, maybe should have double checked it was uploaded to just his dimension…

#Prompts #DCxDP #DPxDC #Danny Phantom Crossover #Do as many crossovers as you’d like #Sometimes it’s just him & sometimes he has his friends with him too #They make jokes about the hospital bills if one of them gets hurt (the ecto heals them)#The viewers do not know it’s a joke #Danny pointing at giant realms leviathan through the Speedster window: Let’s get closer!#Chat: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO-#That one person: I will donate 100$ if you give it pets #Danny Cannot-Die Phantom: I mean for 100 bucks why not #Someone donating to Tucker: You keep your twink alive & it’s cute but ur a Furry Monsterfucker it’s very obvious #Tucker: I mean yeah I had an undead werewolf girlfriend for a bit in highschool I’m not hiding it #Sam in a screaming match with Overgrowth:#Chat: Yo what the fuck family drama did we just unlock #The heroes trying to track these young adults going to different dimensions/time travelling: *Screaming/Crying/Throwing Up*

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kittyandco · 3 months

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does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do

#i get so upset when i think about it for too long; i'm there for them now but there was nothing i could do; wanna go back and protect them #i'm like this with everyone i care about (real and fictional) and sometimes it's hard #it's about hans this time. i just can't believe all the things that happened to him #no wonder he's terrible! no one cared about him! why should he care! all he knows is pain and neglect! except from me!#i know why he sees everyone else as worthless because that's exactly how everyone he knew saw him first; he was supposed to be loved #they all used him up til he was nothing and that's all he knows #i can't even read certain parts of a frozen heart again because i just cried so much the first time... he didn't deserve that #no one does #and then the comics detailing it all even FURTHER #he was like any other innocent kid and seeing that progression hurt so much. i could get into the details but ugh #hux's age of resistance comic did the same thing. i can't even look at the first 2 pages; it's too much. i just want to hold him #anyway... i'm fine :') i've made a post like this before but i'm feeling it so hard right now #self ship

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flufflecat · 10 months

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this is the most beautiful creature on earth and I will kill someone if it asks me to

#horseshoe crabs #I had a fun day at the beach #60% of my time was spent looking for horseshoe crabs #sadly I didn't find any tagged ones so no horseshoe crab pin for me 😔#God I love these creatures though #shoutout to the girl and her boyfriend who were very interested in hearing my Horseshoe Crab Facts spiel #especially bc the girl let me teach her how to hold the crab so she could take a pic with it #I respect you random beach girl #and your lack of fear when faced with a creature that looks like a facehugger #I'm obsessed with how utterly chill and harmless horseshoe crabs are #they just scoot along like little roombas #and look so creepy but have no ability to hurt anyone #(I don't think they're creepy though. I think they're adorable perfect little angels)#and the way they move is perfect. it looks fake #I wish I could spend the next 7 hours at the beach staring at horseshoe crabs #why oh why must I be here with my family. these losers want to do things like 'go back to the hotel because it's getting dark'#booooo cowards #join me in some nighttime horseshoe crab excursions #cute animals #crabs #(not actually a crab)

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originalaccountname · 7 months

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putting my hands on your shoulders looking directly into your eyes why are you so insistent that Dazai is faking every emotion every second of every day except when he's acting mean or evil why do you think his dark side is more true than his happier or sillier sides

do you not also have multiple facets you show different people? are we not all beautiful multifaceted individuals? are your actions and reactions not influenced by your emotions and state of mind?

can't he laugh at his own jokes? can't he fondly think of the Agency? can't he be dramatic because he wants to? can't he be surprised by something suddenly happening, even if he knew it would happen? do you not jump when the jack in the box gets out even if you were the one working the mechanism?

why would the mean persona be more real? why would any and all joy be faked? why are you only allowing him misery?

#sorry i saw one too many posts talking about dazai's ''masks'' and how he hides his true self from the ada #and what of it if he still has the potential to hurt others? what of it if he's good at hurting? every day he chooses not to lean into it #not too far at the very least.#isn't kyouk.a skilled at killing? did she not choose not to do it?#i'm not saying dazai's never acting (because it does happen) i'm saying too many people are too quick to brush off-#every non-serious non-mean emotion as ''playing an act''#why would the mean persona not be a fake?? you thought about that??? what biases are you holding here #he makes jokes. he acts silly. he's a drama queen. he loves it.#you know what IS tiring? having to look evil and untouchable and impassive in front of a whole organization every day as a teenager #as soon as he gets to lupin with od.a and ang.o he goes silly mode. heck- when he *met* ang.o it was because he went silly mode.#as soon as chuuy.a is in proximity he starts yelling children's insults and starts stupid competitions #his silly mode is just as integrated into his personality as the capacity to be the scariest most evil person you've seen #they are not mutually exclusive and having the capacity for either does not mean acting on them #as asagiri said in an interview: bsd isn't about change it's about adaptation. kyouk.a has the talent to kill. she just chooses not to.#dazai has the skills to be evil. he just chooses good.#that got long in the tags sorry #apparently i talk sometimes

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add1ctedt0you · 5 months

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Canonically speaking, jc' reaction to someone he doesn't like/has strong negative feelings towards, because that person was a jerk to his sister, is to regulate his emotions according to how his sister feels. In a jyl lives au, after wwx's return, canon jc is going to his sister, saying something like: 'while I think we should throw at least a cup of tea at him because he left us you and a-ling like that, it's your choice, jin zixuan was your husband. What are we feeling now, jiejie?'

#I was reading a jyl live and in the notes the author wrote: 'I made jc & wwx meeting as painful as possible'. Why would you do that lol. jyl #jzx's wife- is right there. shouldn't she the one to be mad? no obv. she says to jc to back off and stop being a jerk lol #canon jc rebuild his sect and co-raised his wonderful nephew. Without no one but himself. A jc with his sister by is side is the healthiest #dude out there. The fact imo it's that most of jyl lives au aren't about jyl #Her life wasn't about her. Her childhood wasn't about her. Her death wasn't about her #Let at least her survival be about her lmao #jzx should divorce fanon jyl tbh and marry jc lol #Imo it boils down to people thinking that be mad about a loved one's death/lying make you the devil #Which is a bit strange #Or maybe it's that in a jyl lives au you kinda have to acknowledge how hurtful wwx's actions were. A crime in this fandom.#mar!nonsense

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ballpitwitch · 10 months

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KEANU REEVES Dogstar Concert @ Brooklyn Bowl in Las Vegas 8/12/2023

#Keanu Reeves #dilfedit #dilfgifs #mancandykings #flashing gif #kreevesedit #keanuedit #*#THERE WAS AN ATTEMPT™ AT A WATER BREAK 😭 why so precious #LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS #yeah my boyfriend's in a band #screaming crying throwing up #does leaning like that not hurt your back slenderman #that's a long boi #a hair tie claw clip barrette butterfly clip one of those big ones that looks like a flower #i saw some cute clips that were cat faces at tj maxx this week #what do you need keke i got u #*tucks hair behind his ear*#sometimes babygirl is an almost 59 year old man #i love arm #did y'all know i moonlight as a guitar strap #the bass and i have a lot in common i would also be hanging from him #when things make you equal parts happy and feral......#my what long fingers you have 👀#they sure can move.....#[GUNSHOTS] [SIRENS] [SCREAMING]#i ordered one of these did my eternally hot old man get lost in the mail or something #me 5'4": i will pick him up #i can't believe we have a ton more of this coming all fall #i need to invest in a coffin

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legend-had-it · 3 days

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love love Loove the idea of zoro and sanji fighting in the middle of like a full ass battle with the marines and the marines being like alright lets Get one of their asses while theyre distracted

and the last thing they see is the other fucking Gunning it towards them

#i love it #the only people allowed to hurt them #is themselves #why do i only think about zosan while avoiding my crime hw #anyways #do you see the vision though #like fucking #roronoa zoro just deflecting a bullet with his swords and looking at you and you Know you are about to die a horrible death #or at least wish death was kind enough to take you #and then theyre right back to fighting #one piece #op #one piece thoughts #zosan #sanzo #black leg sanji #sanji #roronoa zoro #zoro

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lykosangelic · 2 years

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"reblog to kill a terf" "reblog to explode a terf" "reblog to pulverize a terf" what about reblog to give a trans woman a hug if she wants and a mug of tea or coffee of her choice?

#idk man i just feel like we need to be loving trans women equally or more than we hate terfs #bad attention is still attention. simply ignore terfs and support trans women #why do we have to focus on hating bad people instead of loving the ones they hurt?

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tswwwit · 2 months

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i have a counter argument to the 'only one person can boop bill' thing, mabel. she's the type of person to slap stickers on people, she would definitely be the type to also boop others occasionally and bill would be no exception. she probably doesn't do it to annoy bill like dipper would, but maybe as a form of a friendly gesture, kind of like those people who will lightly punch friends in the arm when they hang out.

You know what? Good point. Mabel would get away with more than most, as a fun-loving lady! Bill understands those impulses, and being a touchy person! He indulges in similar ones himself.

Though when Bill's not in the mood to be playful and gets booped anyway? The 'sister-in-law' status grants her considerable grace.

#answers #Though in addition to that - Mabel's general chaos and level of Fun Times is something Bill genuinely likes #Catch these two having one too many margaritas and slinging arms over each other's shoulders while singing too loud and off key #She'd have some leeway even without the brother situation #But Mabel gets a pass on things she normally wouldn't purely on the merit of 'this would piss off the spouse'#The thing about Bill is he's genuinely fun to party with - right up until he decides you're the pinata #Even now there are times when she thinks she's doing something 'cute' and Bill was NOT in the mood but just has to grin and bear it #Instead of breaking fingers one by one #Dipper is singular in his ability to get away with Pretty Much Everything #It's love yest but it's also communication and personality I'm afraid #If Bill DID call Dipper out on doing something Too Far he'd get an embarrassed and apologetic husband. With kisses of sorry.#Though in minor circumstances: he starts arguing with him #Turns out that bickering is a better way to deescalate with Bill than most other tactics and Dipper's a pro #Now Bill's gotta think semi-rationally to Win The Argument instead of acting on impulse.#And in the process of debate he not only: learns where his husband's coming from but has time to cool off #Congratulations Dipper! Your Nerdy Logic brain and ability to Rise to a Challenge prevent Bill from going immediately nuclear #Plus showing off that big sexy intellect of yours doesn't hurt #Whereas I see Mabel pushing one of Bill's few boundaries and then deflecting. She ain't great at conflict #Brushing it off and laughing; Jeez it was just for fun!! Lighten up already!#Exactly what Bill says when HE'S being a dick to someone!#Which is why he'd react Very Badly to that excuse #Ha ha! Fun! Of course Bill loves fun! You know what HE thinks is FUN #Barbecue. Flash-fried pork ribs. Where's that stupid pig #Dipper has to disarm that particular bomb and I highly doubt it's a pleasant process

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beanghostprincess · 5 months

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I think a very normal amount about Crocodile and Mihawk genuinely seeing Buggy's value. Genuinely appreciating his dream and his sense of adventure. Mihawk (bored-to-death swordsman who desperately needs something new) and Crocodile (the man who only cares about business because the last time he wanted something a kid with flip-flops sent him flying) seeing that the clown they're only using as bait and punching bag is actually the one with the biggest pirate heart. They realize he has charisma and followers for a reason and it's the fact that his "fake it til you make it" persona is actually built above his true dream. The words of fake confidence he speaks are actually words he genuinely wants to believe, but always fears will backfire because he doesn't have anything to rely on (unlike Shanks. Because even if Shanks doesn't need to rely on anything, he used to wear the trust and love of their captain in his head and everyone else supported him to be his legacy). So they end up seeing that they can do more with him. Together. Mihawk and Crocodile might have the money and the people but Buggy has the dream. They can go higher. They can be more than what they thought they were. Buggy shows them this side of himself between tears and sudden yelling and they have to admit that... They used to have dreams. Long forgotten ones. And okay, Buggy might not be the king of the pirates. They're so not saying that. But they can go higher.

They see this side of him and they never say it out loud (and even if they did, Buggy wouldn't even notice because he's busy begging them not to kill him. Which, y'know, fair) but something changes inside of them. Perhaps it's a faint, tiny sense of protectiveness. Maybe affection. Some type of appreciation they can't quite name because it would be too embarrassing for them to even say they care for this clown but- But it's there. Something.

So they keep Buggy around and he starts to feel less like a punching bag and more like somebody they care about. Kind of. And you know what? Maybe the damn clown can become the king of the pirates if he has already made the impossible happen once.

#somebody should put me down honestly i am going crazy #is it the fever am i starting to get delirious what the fuck did i write #anyway i think these three should make out and then a comically sitcomy camera should point at doffy and shanks crying #i'm making cross guild romantic and not just sexy !! behold the powers of fluff and hurt/comfort see what they can do #no but seriously i need these two to appreciate buggy bc although i love buggy being their little chihuahua sometimes i really want love #one piece #buggy the clown #dracule mihawk #sir crocodile #cross guild #the ship between these three is just cross guild right like why would you need another word #to me it's romantic in canon too who cares

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roomy-ghosted · 9 months

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My feelings towards ao3 this morning.

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #bg3 astarion #like-i get it. but-#please. please for the love of god. just fluff or non-sexual fics.#for five seconds.#please.#I can only handle so much corn. especially when it's almost all geared just towards women.#this is all /lh i dont actually care all that much- but there comes a point where theres too much and all a man wants to do #is hold another man close. or go on perfume dates or pottery lessons with another man.#small things to help healing or gentle things or silly playful things.#hell- even taking care of all the spawn with Astarion in the bad ending-#why are all the bad ending fics ive seen corn btw? I've seen like- zero non-corn ones.#i get it. I get the vibe. but like- also. consider. like- maybe I wanna read angst with. with no corn?? please?#I've got 4 unposted fluffy fics im working on. One being hurt-comfort with some extra hurt #which i had to stop writing for a bit today because it was hurting a bit TOO much.#but yea. a little less corn for Astarion? for those who aren't horndogs? please? or just don't wanna fuck him because they #dont wanna hurt him more- (im not at the point in game where he's comfy with sex again yet-)#BESIDES GALE IN THE WAVEMOTHER ROBES IS RIGHT THERE PEOPLE-#LIKE COME ON. IF YOU'RE GONNA SEXUALISE A MAN HE'S RIGHT THERE WITH HIS PUPPY DOG EYES AN HAIRY CHEST.#There needs to be more sexualisation of Gale. NO I don't take no for an answer (Astarion is still my favourite though-)

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ganondoodle · 10 months

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i have grown kinda tired of all the studio ghibli and totk comparisons bc i love most of miyazakis movies and its so annoyingly obvious that if totk actually took inspiration from them its all just the surface level aesthetic and none of the good story telling

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #like yeah i see how ashitakas arm and how he got it hurt looks similar to how link “”“”“loses”“”“” his arm in totk #but ashitakas wound is a curse of hatred from a deity that protected their forest from humans destroying it to get to the iron in the earth #and the deity - whos a BOAR- got wounded so badly the pain and fear of death turned him into a demon of hatred #while the poeple wanting the iron are also just doing it for their own survival #like man i fukcing WISH totk had any of the storytelling that princess mononoke had #them seemingly jsut taking the aesthetic from it but none of the story is even more infuriating to me tbh #princess mononoke is one of my all time favorite movies #maybe thats another reason why im so disgruntled about totk #bc it reminds me of things i love -zelda and mononoke- and turning it both bad #before the game was out the comparisons from link to ashitaka was pretty much in every second theory video #abd even then i was skeptical bc i doubted they could make in any way a story as good as that #welp :))))#anyway #old man yells at cloud lol #(this is not directed at anyone directly btw- i just keep running into even now and been feeling this way for a long time- )

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