#why does this remind me of Michigan

[demiromanticwitch]

today i feel googled enchanted forest photos.

[tarotwithlove]

PICK A CARD ⋆ if you were a deity...

in this reading, we will answer the following:

what are your powers/abilities?

what would you be known and worshipped for?

what would your followers and worshippers be like?

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.

BOOK A READING WITH ME · BOOK A 2024 YEAR AHEAD READING WITH ME (GENERAL OR NSFW) · LINKTREE · 18+ PATREON · TIPS ♡ tips, bookings, and feedback are highly appreciated!

GROUP ONE

cards · eight of cups, seven of swords, knight of pentacles, the chariot (reversed), the fool, ten of pentacles, page of wands. 

channelled songs · safer in the forest/love song for poor michigan by la dispute. runway by mariah carey. sky by spillage village. identity by taemin. 

my dear group one ♡ if you were a deity, you would be one with the power of resurrection. you would be able to raise people, animals, and all other forms of natural life from the dead. for some, this power of resurrection is much like that of the christian god who, most noticeably, resurrected jesus christ. for others, this power of resurrection comes more in the form of persephone's, who, with her appearance, 'resurrects' the world by bringing forth spring. 

as a deity, you would be known for being somewhat of a frugal and humble god. i'm thinking of xie lian from heaven official’s blessing by mxtx, who often closely involves himself in the matters of humans even when he should not. even at the risk of his godhood. you would be known as a god who goes out of your way for your worshippers, with your worshippers knowing that any attention they give to you you will give back to them tenfold. a deity who would rather live in ruins, amongst nature, than in a mansion - and, thus, you would be a deity of the common people. 

your followers would worship you with flowers and offerings of honey. using these things to primarily ask you to help them with as they embark on new avenues. much like lord ganesha must be worshipped before one starts something new, this is how and why your followers would worship you. coming to you to ask you to ‘resurrect’ and bring life into their new businesses, new jobs, new career opportunities, and new academic pursuits more than anything else. 

once again, your followers would mostly consist of common people. these are humble people who want to better their lives, and the lives of the people around them. as you are seen as a selfless deity, you may have a reputation of being a deity who helps selfless people above anyone else. and so you will attract worshippers who are family and community oriented; worshippers who want to use the wealth and success you bless them with primarily for the betterment of others -- for example, worshippers who ask you to bless them with new job opportunities so that they may better look after their aging parents, or worshippers who ask you to bless their charity organisation so that they may truly uplift the community.

GROUP TWO

cards · queen of pentacles, judgement, nine of wands, the high priestess, king of wands, the hanged man, eight of wands. 

channelled songs · amino acid by nct 127. free by florence + the machine. babygirl by maeta. all i wanna do by moonbin & sanha. 

my dear group two ♡ as soon as i pulled your first two cards, the goddess lakshmi came to mind, who, upon consideration, is much like the queen of pentacles herself. you would be a deity with the power to bring success, abundance, and prosperity into your follower’s lives. as a deity, you would be abundance personified, and everything you touch turns to gold -- metaphorically, of course. your power is so great that you could turn a single grain into a field of wheat, ready to harvest; a single dollar into a fortune; a house into a home; a cold-hearted businessman into a humble monk devoted to spirit. 

you may be known as one half of a pair of deities, much like lord krishna and radha or zeus and hera. that you are partnered with another powerful deity makes you even more loved and revered by your worshippers; makes you even more powerful in their eyes. you will be known as a deity of love. as a deity who does anything for the sake of love and in the name of love. as a deity who is moved by the love of others. 

story may pass, from worshipper to worshipper, of times when you went above and beyond for lovers. of times when you were so moved by a lover's desperate pleas that you granted them a great boon. 

thus, many of your worshippers may be young lovers who come to you to ask you to bless them in love, to bless their marriages, and to keep their lovers safe. your worshippers may have an idealised image of you, as this supreme love deity -- the love deity above all love deities -- and while this may not be why you primarily made yourself known to humanity you will be moved by their love -- too moved to ever truly ignore or deny them. they may be a bit naive, and you may often try to open their eyes to the realities of life without jading their hearts to the beauty of love. 

once your worshippers start to worship you, they cling to you. even people who may have hopped from deity to deity, going to whoever may provide a certain blessing at a certain time in their life, will stick to you, loyally, until they die. 

GROUP THREE

cards · the world, the moon (reversed), eight of wands, the world, king of pentacles, the hierophant, two of swords. 

channelled songs · tulsa jesus freak by lana del rey. ain’t equal by megan thee stallion. dedication by epik high. say it by flume & tove lo. 

my dear group three ♡ if you were a deity, you would have the power of flight, as well as the power to communicate with and command flying animals -- birds, primarily, but also flying animals significant to the culture of which you belong. you will also have the power to appear to people in their dreams, and it is through dreams -- and visions -- that people will receive your messages. 

you may not have many devout worshippers, but that is how you like it. you are a nomadic deity, who finds greater pleasure in travelling from place to place and helping whosoever may need your help, rather than confining yourself to a singular place of worship and to only helping those who ask for you specifically. 

you seem like a mysterious deity. one who works in secret. you will often go to temples and places of worship that are not devoted to you, listen to prayers that are not meant for you, and grant blessings to people whose prayers have gone unheard by the deity they were meant for. the old man who spent the last ten years asking vishnu to please be reunited with the son he was separated from? you will grant him this boon before he passes. the young woman who spent the last three months asking artemis to please bless her with a job? you will grant her this boon. the girl who spent the last year praying to god to please bring her mother a good partner? you will grant her this boon.

you will do all this selflessly. never taking credit. happy enough just to have done a good deed and brought a blessing to someone who you see as most deserving of it. you will go from place to place, playing your flute -- or instrument of choice -- doing what you can in any way you can. 

though while you may never take credit, there may always be signs that it was you who answered this prayer instead of another deity. a particular scenario is coming to mind, at this point where i asked what your worshippers would be like: a young man joyfully tells a priest of how his prayer has finally been answered by god. this priest listens to him, with a gentle, knowing smile. when he finishes, answering the priest's leading questions here and there, this priest says, "why, that was not [god] but rather [group three]." 

people will have specific dreams before they are about to be granted a blessing by you. wake up with a strange, particular feeling. they will see birds or a particular bird that is associated with you. signs of you will be all around them but, as you are not a particularly well-known god, they will disregard it as coincidence or find a way to attribute it to their deity of choice. 

because of how little-known you keep yourself, many of your followers may be older spiritual people who have devoted themselves to the pursuit of god. priests, monks, religious teachers, intellectuals and avid readers, not the average layperson. there may not be any temples devoted to you, but your worshippers will keep shrines to you neat and clean. doing anything to keep memory and worship of you alive, in any small way possible. 

GROUP FOUR

cards · the fool, ten of pentacles, eight of cups (reversed), ace of cups (reversed), queen of swords, death, three of swords (reversed).

channelled songs · sounds from hell by dj rozwell. nanana by got7. odd sense by vixx. area codes by kaliii. 

my dear group four ♡ as a deity, you will have the power to grant eternal youth and immortality to others. in some instances, this power may take the form of you ensuring that your worshippers gain immortality and live on through their works and legacy. the fool is a card of new beginnings, limitless potential, and youthfulness, and this manifests as you being a deity of the dead. or a deity of the underworld. ushering souls from one world to the next. preparing souls to transition from one life to the next life, or from life to the afterlife. 

of all the groups, your messages have been the hardest to channel. and this is likely because of the nature of the deity you would be. this god of death. a god enshrouded in mystery. a god who would be revered and feared in equal parts, with many things you are known for being misconception and misunderstanding. or from an unwillingness to research or understand you for fear that this would welcome you -- and, thus, welcome death -- into one's life. 

much like hades, you would be worshipped as part of funeral rites and rituals. you may have a small devout cult of worshippers, but generally, most people worship you only when they are faced with death. they worship you on their deathbed, asking you to make their death a peaceful one and guide them to a peaceful afterlife. they worship you, desperately, at the bedside of their loved ones. they worship you in the days after a death. 

as a god of death, the afterlife, and the underworld, perceptions of you would be conflicted. you would be seen as a fair but cruel deity, as, of course, you are only doing what you must to keep the natural order of the world in line. you are only doing what you must do. but death is cruel. and in the throes of grief, people may often curse at you, asking, "how could you do this? how could you let this happen?" even when they understand that this is what must happen. 

most hold disdain for you. others a fearful respect for you; a distant awe.

your worshippers, on the other hand, will be people who, in accepting the inevitability of their death, truly love life. they may dress in dark colours and be cult-like in their worship of you, keeping the true worship practices of you private and passed directly from worshipper to worshipper or family member to family member. your worshippers may have a reputation for being dark, evil, or demonic -- when, much like you, they are simply misunderstood. 

i envision your followers gathering in a forest to dance, laugh, and engage in worship of you. depending on the sect, they may make sacrifices to you, in the form of slaughtering animals, offering up their own blood and life force, and promising their lives to you. 

[mothdruid]

Home for the Holidays

pairing: bradley "rooster" bradshaw x reader

summary: Bradley might have lied about having a girlfriend. His best friend, you, decide to help him out and go home for the holidays with him. As the trip unfolds, so does your and Bradley's feelings for one another.

wc: 19.2k

warning: 18+, mdni, fluff, mild angst, smut, slow burn, pet names (babe), fake dating, kissing, unprotected sex, penetrative sex (p in v), oral sex (afab receiving), vaginal fingering, drinking (reader gets drunk), crying, bob being a good friend

a/n: hello! it's finally here!!!! thank you all for being patient with me while i finished this up

"You did what?" It was shocking, hearing Bradley word vomit every bad decision he made in the past two days. Seeming as how they all included you without your knowledge.

"It was an accident." Bradley said, lips in a slight downturn as he wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. 

"That is not an accident, Bradley. It's a fucking lie." You looked at him in disbelief. This was much much worse than just an accident. You turned and started walking away from him, but alas, he followed you. 

"It's not like you're doing anything for the holidays." Bradley pleaded. 

"You don't know that." You arrived at your office, sitting in your desk chair quickly.  

"Actually, I do ‘cause you told me last week you were planning on staying at home, getting wine drunk while watching Face Off." You glared at him, hating the fact he had such an impeccable memory. Bradley leaned against your desk, staring down at you while adjusting his reading glasses. 

"I'm not your girlfriend though. How will your family feel when they find that out?" Bradley rolled his eyes. He made a wave of his hand in the air.

"They won't find out. Come on, we both took intro to acting in college, it won't be hard to fake it." 

"Bradley, what did you tell them? Like explain it all word for word." 

"Already did tha-"

"No, you word vomited." He huffed this time. 

"Fine. Mav asked me if I was bringing anyone home. I told him I wasn't sure if I was coming home. Amelia then teased me about being alone and maybe my pride got the best of me." It was your turn to let out a huff. 

"That's an understatement." 

"So, then I said that I would be coming home, and bringing my girlfriend." Bradley looked at you with puppy dog eyes.

"Which is apparently me." You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back into your chair. 

"Yes." A soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips. 

"You owe me a big favor if I do this." Bradley smiled at your reply.

“I’ll do all your extra paperwork for a month.” The offer was tempting, but you knew it wouldn’t fully make up for this. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t know Bradley’s family, or at least what he had left of it. His biological parents had passed away when he was young, leaving his god-parents to take care of him. You had met Pete and Penny during your college graduation. They were extremely kind people, inviting you out for a celebration dinner afterwards. But that was partially why you were nervous, they knew you on a surface level. 

You had never met Amelia, only hearing about her through Bradley and seeing pictures. Bradley adored the girl, talking about her like a sister. Which wasn’t too far off. It was his god-daughter. Reminding you that Bradley’s ‘family’ wasn’t his biological family, not that it made a difference. They treated him as if he was their own, which was all that mattered. 

“Bradley, I’ll have to think about it.” 

After a few days to mull it over you decided to go. Even making a pros and cons list to help you decide. Bradley was ecstatic, sending you back a thumbs up and smiley blushing emoji. He then sent you a longer text explaining the plans for the trip. 

The office would close on the 22nd of December, allowing you guys to fly out on the 23rd. Then you wouldn’t be returning home until December 31st. You two would be flying out to Michigan, the state where Penny and Pete had raised Bradley. Which also happened to be where the two of you attended university together. It was truly a beautiful state, one that you missed a little bit. The winters were something you never fully got used to, but who ever gets used to a winter like that. 

-

The plane ride to Michigan wasn’t bad, only a two hour flight. Bradley picked up a rental car after landing so the two of you would be able to drive wherever. Pete and Penny lived around where ‘up north’ started. It was a smaller town close to the city you two went to university at. So, it was pertinent that the two of you had a car to go places whenever you wanted. The two of you loaded your luggage into the back of the car, silently praising that Bradley was smart enough to get an SUV for the trip. You made sure you grab your blanket out of your bag before settling into the passenger seat. 

“Two hours?” You asked while you placed your blanket over your legs. 

“It’s the same drive from when we were in college.” Bradley stated as he sat in the driver seat, placing the key in the ignition. You adjusted your heating settings, switching your side to max heat while Bradley adjusted his to a low heat. 

“Bradley, it’s been years since I’ve been here.” He relaxed back into the seat, shifting the gear in the center console before leaving the lot. You watched as he smiled and used one hand on the wheel, the other still resting on the gear. 

“This will be a fun refresher trip then.” Bradley said as he looked at you before focusing back on the road. 

“There is a reason why I left Michigan, you too.” White man-made hills of snow were everywhere, reminding you of your university years. The years when you and Bradley became friends. You had thought that moving to Michigan for college wouldn’t be bad, it only being four years. But you were wrong. The winters there were cold and wet, making you a hermit for almost half the year.

“The snow isn’t that bad.” You pulled your black and grey heathered beanie off your head and tossed it on your side of the dashboard. There was an odd flutter when you looked at him, his smile seeming brighter than normal.

“You say that because you grew up here.” You pointed at him, a mocking grimace on your face. Bradley chuckled at your look, swatting your finger away. 

“What? Afraid we might get stuck in the freezing cold?” You pulled the blanket up over your arms and chest, rolling your eyes at his question. “Can you pull up the GPS, maybe connect your phone to the car for music too?” 

“Am I gonna have to take requests?” You raised an eyebrow at him. Bradley’s lips quirked to one side as you started to fiddle with the touch screen in the rental. 

“Honestly, as long as you get the directions pulled up I’ll let you listen to whatever.” Bradley said as he finally made it onto the freeway. A part of you wondered why he even needed the GPS working when it was a straight shot. That was one you enjoyed about Michigan, I-75. The freeway that could take you all the way from Canada to Florida. It was practically the straight shot to anywhere in Michigan, except the western side of the state and most of the upper peninsula. But you indulged him, pulling the GPS up. 

“So, are there any specific plans for the holidays?” You put your music on shuffle, keeping it at a low volume. Bradley shrugged. 

“All I’m really aware of is Christmas Eve and Christmas day. They know we are heading out on New Year’s eve. But we might have a gathering during the week.” You laid your seat back a little bit, getting more comfortable as Bradley stayed focused on the road. 

“I’ll assume that Christmas Eve and Christmas are gonna be with the family. But what are we doing during the week? Besides lounging of course.” There were a few thumps as Bradley hit some classic Michigan potholes. 

“Of course. We are having a little get together.” Bradley muttered. You could tell he was hiding something. 

“Bradley, don’t lie to me anymore.” You squinted at him. Bradley brought a hand to the back of his neck, scratching awkwardly and the crunch of the material of his winter coat drowned out the music. 

“I uh.. I might have agreed to a little college reunion with the gang.” College reunion? With ‘the gang’? That wasn’t what you signed up for. You had signed up for hot cocoa and presents with his family, being awkwardly teased about a relationship that didn’t exist. Faking a relationship in front of their friends wasn’t in the deal. You shot up out of your seat, turning to face him better.

“You what? Bradley! I’m not doing this,” you gestured between the two of you, “in front of them.” Bradley’s face scrunched up as he looked at you. You swatted at his arm, earning a fake yelp from him as he pulled away from you. 

“Hey! I’m driving!” 

“Crash the car now then! They can’t think we are together!” Bradley rolled his eyes. 

“I’m not crashing the car, it’s a rental. Plus, it’s not like Hangman doesn’t already think that.” You let out a huff while the car went over another pothole.

“Jake can’t know about this little deal we have. He’d get off on it too much.” 

“Well, none of them have to know about it. We can keep it a secret.” Another pothole. You turned the music up then curled back up into your seat. You knew that was too hopeful, everyone of your friends would know immediately. Especially Bob and Natasha. Bradley focused back on the road after he made sure you were done arguing. 

He knew why you wouldn’t want the group to think you two were dating, many of them having bet money on your relationship status every year of university. But Jake had always been the most relentless. Bradley decided to push that thought to the back of his mind, focusing on the road while occasionally looking over at your now sleeping form. 

Bradley looked over as you started to rustle, sleep still covering your features. For a split second he smiled, taking in how adorable you looked. Bradley blushed at his own thoughts, focusing back on the road. You rubbed at your eyes, looking around the car and stretching out your arms. Bradley leaned a bit away from you as one of your hands moved into his space while you stretched. 

“Morning sleepyhead.” Bradley said as you sat up and moved your seat back upright. Bradley chuckled when you shot a glare at him. You looked out the window, noticing larger mounds of snow littering the area. There had to be at least a foot of snow in the surrounding area. You grabbed your beanie from the dashboard, putting it back on. You weren’t even outside but you could already feel the lower temperature. 

“How far away are we?” You asked, switching the song.

“GPS says twenty minutes, but I think I can make it in fifteen.” Bradley joked with a wink. You shot him a playful look before checking your phone. There was a text from Bob, making you smile. 

He was still one of you best friends from college, the both of you texting occasionally. You had met him at college, just like the rest of your friend group. Him and Mickey had been the only ones that weren’t so annoying about your relationship with Bradley. It was a short text, but one that had your nose scrunching up.

Bobert: You going home with Brad?

You: yeah, but it isn’t anything like that

You: also don’t call him that, it’s weird

Bobert: says the person who calls him B

The twenty minutes flew by quickly, taking in all of the surroundings outside. Bradley was right when he said it was a small town. You were pretty sure there were only three stop lights in the entire town. The town seemed dead, as most towns did during the winter in Michigan. Most people bundled up inside, drinking hot cocoa, and watching Christmas movies with their families. Or at least that was what you did while you were here. Bundled up in your dorm or apartment, depending on the year, while sipping hot cocoa with an iconic Christmas movie on. Bradley and Jake always teased you about being scrooge, but you couldn’t help that the ‘merry season’ just didn’t bring much merriment for you. 

Bradley turned down streets that you definitely weren’t going to remember, before turning into a driveway of a home. It was an obvious two story home. The outside of the house was covered in mismatching stones, a nice cement porch attached to the front. Dead bushes lined the edge of the driveway next to the house, wrapping around near the porch. There were lights covering and the edges of the roof, currently off due to it being daytime. You could make out small wire frames of a few deer lawn ornaments.

“This your childhood home?” You asked as you undid your seatbelt to get out. Bradley’s mustache twitched, a small curve to his lips. It looked almost like a nostalgic but melancholic look. His hazel eyes were full of emotions when he looked at you. It had been years since Bradley came home for the holidays, mainly spending his holidays alone now. 

“Sure is.” Bradley undid his own seatbelt, opening the driver door and getting out of the car. You quickly followed suit, the both of you heading to get the back of the car to get your luggage. 

A shiver ran through your body as you followed Bradley’s lead, making your way to the side door of the house. All you could think about was getting inside, the warmth of the home calling to you. A part of you was hoping that Penny might already have hot cocoa prepared for you two, even though the chances were low. Bradley knocked on the door, making sure to not hit the wreath hanging on it. Bradley stood on the small set of cement steps towards the door, creating an extremely large height difference. Bradley wiggled his eyebrows playfully as you two waited for someone to answer. 

“Are you sure they are home?” You rocked back and forth lightly, trying to generate some extra warmth. Bradley tilted his head and gave you a weird look. 

“Penny and Mav are retired. Plus, Amelia is on break from school. One of them has to be home.” Bradley stated as he leaned over to try and look in the windows near the door. “Or at least I’m pretty sure someone should be here.” Bradley smiled awkwardly at you before the door swung open. 

“What are you doing here?” A young blonde haired girl said with a glare. 

“Are you home alone?” Bradley questioned. You watched the two of them, taking in their casual conversation. You knew this was Amelia, recognizing some of her features. “You gonna let us in or nah?” Bradley’s question caught your attention. 

“Yeah, please. It’s really cold out here.” You finally spoke up, earning a smile from Amelia. 

“You’re lucky you brought your girlfriend Roo, or else I’d make you sleep in the garage.” Amelia smiled brightly after her words, opening the door and stepping out of the way. There was an odd feeling in your chest, when she called you Bradlye’s girlfriend. You offered an awkward smile to her, not sure if you would ever get used to being called Bradley’s girlfriend. The two of you grabbed your suitcases and made your way inside. It was a relief to feel the heat of the home engulf your body. 

“I’ll remember that when it’s Christmas morning.” Bradley quipped as he took his beanie off, you mimicking his action. Amelia stuck her tongue out, leaving the small foyer-like room. There were pictures of Bradley and Amelia adorning the walls in the foyer with the occasional Christmas decoration of the wall. The ages of them ranged from toddler to Bradley’s university graduation. One picture stood out to you though. It was toddler Bradley with two people you had never met. A gentle and kind looking woman next to a man with a pair of aviator sunglasses on and a goofy smile. The man was holding Bradley on his hip, an outdoor grill obvious in the background. Bradley must have realized you were staring at the picture, him standing a bit closer to you. 

“That’s mom and dad.” You turned to see Bradley merely inches away from your face. A heat you had noticed earlier started to boil under your cheeks. “I’ll tell you more about them later. Let’s get our stuff upstairs.” 

Bradley led the way through the comforting home, more Christmas decorations littering the home the deeper you got. It gave you an immediate sense of security, knowing that nothing wrong could happen here. The walls inside the home were adorned with more family pictures. You saw some of just Mav and Bradley’s dad, even ones of teenage Bradley and his mom. You knew that Bradley had lost his parents from a car accident, just had never seen what they looked like. The two of you made your way up the wrapping staircase. 

“So, we are sharing a room.” Bradley said as you made your way down the hallway. 

“We are what now?” Bradley opened the door to what you assumed was his old bedroom. It was more of a spare room now though, no old traces of Bradley lingering in it. There was only one bed. Of course there was only one bed. 

“That’s fine, but only one bed?” You questioned. Bradley scooted his suitcase to the side of the room, offering you a smile. 

“I’ll sleep on the floor, I promise.” 

“Good, cause I’m not sharing.” You playfully elbowed his arm, smirking when he made an over exaggerated yelp.  

After getting your suitcases sorted and unpacked you made your way downstairs. You found Amelia sitting in the living room, some type of docu-series on the tv. You sat on the couch opposite of her, checking your phone. Not only did you have a text from Bob, but one from Mickey now too. 

Bobert: (; sure it ain’t 

Mickey: how am i finding out from bob you’re with rooster for the holidays????

You rolled your eyes, deciding that neither of them deserved a response. You looked up from your phone, meeting Amelia’s gaze. You offered a small wave to her, not sure how to start a conversation with her. 

“So, have you two always been together?” Amelia crossed her arms and sunk further into the couch. Your eyebrows knitted together. 

“No? Why wou-” 

“You two went to CMU together, right?” You nodded. “And were you dating then?” 

“No, why are you-” 

“Hey!” Bradley interrupted you, coming into the living room and sitting next to you. He wrapped an arm behind you, pressing his body closely to yours. You could feel a small flutter in your stomach, something you had vaguely felt before. Especially with Bradley. 

Being this close with Bradley wasn’t unfamiliar, it was something you enjoyed from time to time. It was just nice to have someone there occasionally, that someone being Bradley. But this was different. You two were technically boyfriend and girlfriend right now. A couple. It made you feel something weird, something you couldn’t pinpoint exactly. All you knew was that it made your body act differently. A warmth was blossoming behind your cheeks, heart fluttering from his looks and smiles, hands developing a clamminess. 

“What are the two of you talking about?” Bradley asked with a big smile, his arm pulling you a little more snug into him. 

“You.” Amelia said with a playful glare. It was Bradley’s turn to poke his tongue out at her. The two of them started to talk while you watched them. If you hadn’t known Bradley for years, you would have thought this was his sibling. Amelia was that of sorts, even if she was about thirteen years younger than him. Bradley was an only child, but the conversation you were witnessing made you question that fact. 

“Well what about me?” Bradley asked. 

“That you should shave your mustache.” Amelia quipped. You couldn’t hide your giggle, only to be met with an offended look from Bradley. 

“There’s no way. You love my mustache don’t you, babe?” The heat flooded your cheeks once more. 

“I-I mean, I forgot what you look like without it. You’ve had it for years.” 

“You can be honest. It looks bad.” Amelia harped from her side of the living room. Bradley went to say something, stopping when he heard the door open. Amelia shot Bradley a playful look, getting up and running over to the kitchen. Suddenly you could feel Bradley’s breath on your cheek and neck, making your heartbeat pick up. 

“Sorry about all of this.” Bradley gestured to where the two of your bodies were pressed together. You turned to look at him, your eyes locking with his hazel ones. There were only a few mere inches between the two of you. “Gotta sell the part, ya know?” 

“No, no, I totally get it.” You patted at the top of his thigh, rubbing your hand lightly on his jean clad thigh. Your eyes flicked to his lips then to his eyes again. It was like something clicked in your brain, you immediately looked away from him making a small cough-like noise. “Sorry, scratch in my throat.”

Without warning Mav walked in, causing Bradley to stand up and separate from you. It was the most miniscule thing, but you were relieved. You gave Mav a smile, waving at Penny as she came around. Even though you felt welcome, all you could think about was the flight back home. 

-

“No, Bob!” You whispered on the phone. “He was like inches away, like if either of us were bumped, there would have been lip to lip contact.” You heard a small snicker. “What are you laughing about?” 

“About you coming to your senses.” You rolled your eyes, sitting down on the bed you’d be sleeping in later. 

“There aren't any ‘senses’ for me to come to.” What the fuck was Bob talking about anyway? 

“Sure there aren’t. But if you don’t see it, I’m not gonna tell you.” Bob’s shit eating grin could be heard through the phone. 

“Good, ‘cause there is nothing to be seen.” You were about to continue the conversation before Bradley walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He wore an old marron Central Michigan University t-shirt, gray sweatpants, towel still in hand, hair wet. Something inside of you lurched seeing Bradley like this, seeing him so casual and domestic. It wasn’t like how you used to see him in college, there was something different now. 

“I gotta let you go, Bob. I’ll text you.”  There was a small silence between you and Bradley before he spoke. 

“How’s Bob?” Bradley asked, gathering the extra blankets he found earlier. He laid a comforter down on the floor next to the bed. You pulled your legs up onto the bed, trying to keep them out of his way while he assembled his makeshift bed. You grabbed one of the pillows from the head of the bed and plopped it down on his comforter. 

“Bob is, Bob is fine.” Bradley got down on his knees, rolling out the blankets and fluffing the pillow you tossed down. Another silence. 

“Hey, I… I’m sorry about earlier and dinner. If I’m being a bit too much,” he looked up at you, “just let me know. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” A sincere look was on his features.

“Bradley..”

“I just need this holiday to go well, okay?” A small amount of emotion had slipped into Bradley’s sincere look. 

“Bradley, what is this really about?” Bradley looked away from you. 

“I know you don’t want to be here, but please. I need to show Mav that I’m doing well.” You watched Bradley with a smile as he started talking with his hands. It was kind of cute, something he did when he got nervous. “He keeps harping on me and I just-” You took his hands in yours, stopping the movements. Bradley finally looked back up at you, making you smile. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me this when you asked me?” You thought about dinner, how Mav kept asking questions. When did you two officially get together? When are you gonna move in together? Did you always like each other? Any thoughts about marriage? 

“I didn’t want you to feel pressured about the entire thing. Like if you didn’t want to come, you didn’t have to. Mav is just a little overbearing, and has been since my parents passed. He just-” 

“Bradley,” he stopped his rambling, “I’m your friend, okay? Friends help friends. And that unfortunately means maybe pretending to be your friend's girlfriend to make it seem like he is doing good in life with his god-father.” Bradley’s lips cracked into a smile at your words. 

“Thanks. I knew there was a reason why I call you my best friend.” A small flutter in your chest was noticeable as you smiled back at him. 

“You’re gonna owe me so much take-out and coffee after this.” 

-

It was Christmas Eve and all five of you were in the living room. It was apparently tradition for Bradley and his family to watch Space-Balls on Christmas Eve, followed by some assortment of Christmas movies afterwards. Pete and Penny were on one couch, Penny curled up under Pete’s arm. Amelia was curled up on a recliner, bundled up with a fleece blanket. Then there was you and Bradley. Bradley sat at one end of the couch, you laid out at the other end with your legs stretching out. Your feet were currently set on Bradley’s lap, one of his hands rested on your shin while the other was curled around the heel of one foot. 

Everyone was focused on the movie, laughing at the jokes they had laughed at before. But you weren’t focused on the movie. Yes, it was one of your favorites. How could it not be, seeing Bill Pullman pull out such a stellar comedy performance. But alas, you were focused on your best friend. 

After your conversation last night, it was easier. All of it. The small touches of Bradley’s fingertips or hands, the invasion of your ‘bubble’ became more bearable too. Even the small things your body was doing. Everytime Bradley laughed it warmed you, making you forget about the ten degree weather outside. The way your heart fluttered when he looked at you, it was oddly exciting. Has that always happened when he looked at you? 

You felt a squeeze on your heel, pulling you out of your thoughts. Bradley was giving you a questioning look, silently asking if you were okay with another squeeze of your heel. After giving him a soft smile and nod he turned back to the movie. Bradley had always been a type of comfort to you, but this was a different kind of comfort he was providing now. The movie played on, earning a few giggles and chuckles from you and the others. It wasn’t until the end of the movie any of you noticed the new snowflakes flurrying beyond the window pane. 

“Fresh snow!” Amelia shouted, whipping around in the recliner to look out the window behind her. You sat up a little bit, pulling the blanket on your lap up around you while inching closer to Bradley.

“Wonder how long it’s been snowing.” Bradley whispered as you leaned into him. The blanket you had was warm, but you wanted more warmth. You silently thanked whatever higher power for making Bradley a walking furnace. 

“Not sure.” Bradley wrapped an arm around you, pulling you tighter into him. You looked across the living room, catching a look from Mav. There was this look of adoration in his eyes as he watched you and Bradley. A small pang of guilt struck you, feeling bad about fooling him. But if this was what Bradley wanted, you would help. You weren’t going to be around when it blew up anyways, when Bradley had to explain why you had ‘broken up’ or that it was all fake. 

“Let’s go outside! Make a snowman or something!” Amelia turned back around and sat up. 

“I don’t know about that one.” Penny said, sitting up on the couch. “It’s pretty cold outside.” 

“We will wear our coats, hats and gloves. Promise.” Amelia held out her pinky to her mother, signaling a pinky promise. Mav chuckled at her before speaking. 

“And who is we?” Amelia shrugged at Mav’s question. 

“Me and Bradley.” It was Bradley’s turn to sit up straight, making you sit up straight. 

“Hey, I didn’t agree to that.” Bradley said, his arms still around you. 

“Please?” Amelia asked, putting on her best puppy dog eyes. Bradley rolled his eyes.

“Fine but only if she comes out too.” Bradley smirked as he gestured to you. You sat back from him, giving him an astonished look. 

“If I-”

“Pretty please. I wanna go do snow angels, but I don’t wanna go alone.” Amelia interrupted you, now giving you puppy dog eyes. You didn’t want to ruin her mood. 

“Only if I get to pick the next Christmas movie.” Everyone agreed to let you pick the next Christmas movie. You, Bradley, and Amelia hunted down your winter gear. Bradley made sure to tie your boots tight for you, knowing that you didn’t want to risk getting snow in them. Amelia grabbed your arm, tugging you down for her to whisper something. 

“Let’s pelt him with snowballs.” 

The three of you went outside, hats pulled down and far as possible. Amelia ran through the snow coating the driveway, missing the cars as she made her way to the front yard. You and Bradley walked to the yard, seeing Amelia with her arms out and wide, twirling as she caught snowflakes with her tongue. It made you smile, seeing her enjoy the very essence of what winter was. Bradley watched you, taking in your expression. He felt something blossom inside of him, not being able to place what it was exactly. 

“Ready for snow angels?” You joked, elbowing him lightly. Bradley smiled at you, before nodding and leading the way. Penny and Pete watched your snow angel joy turn into a snowball fight, you and Amelia teaming up against Bradley. 

“They’re cute.” Penny said as she watched Bradley fall down as Amelia tackled him into the snow. All Mav could do was nod, smiling as he watched the three of you. He had never seen Bradley so happy, let alone so happy with another person. 

-

“The, the, the, the Grinch!” Bradley mocked, repeating the line of your favorite Christmas movie as you two made it up the stairs. After coming back inside from a thorough snowball fight, you forced everyone to sit through the live-action Grinch. 

It was late now, the two of you making your way up to your shared room. Bradley shot you a pair of finger guns before gathering his clothes, heading into the bathroom. It was his way of giving you privacy while changing. The both of you hoped that Amelia never saw it, not wanting her to catch on to your charade. You slipped into your sleepwear, your own Central Michigan University t-shirt and sweatpants. You checked your phone after you set your dirty clothes in the clothes basket. There were a few messages from your dagger squad group chat and a few from Bob. 

Dagger Squad, Nat: Midland Street? Right? 

Dagger Squad, Jakey: i mean, fricks is an option

Dagger Squad, Javs: only saying fricks cause you live there

Dagger Squad, Jakey: sue me

Dagger Squad, BradBrad: Either spot, can’t be out late. Have to drive afterwards

You squinted at the time of Bradley’s message, seeing it was only from a few minutes ago. You typed out a small reply to the group chat, explaining you also had a drive before looking at Bob’s texts. 

Bobert: How’s the trip? 

Bobert: You’re not mad about our convo, right? 

Bobert: Sorry if I was out of line. 

Bobert: Y’all coming to the get together? 

You thought Bradley had told everyone you two would be there. 

You: yeah, just have to drive afterwards. and no, i’m not mad, just had to watch a lot of christmas movies and beat bradley’s ass in a snowball fight 

A beat barely passed when a notification dropped down, a text to the group chat from Jake. 

Dagger Squad, Jakey: just one of you lovebirds dd, i got a spare room if you need it (;

You rolled your eyes, just in time for Bradley to walk in the room. He had his phone in hand, staring at the screen as he closed the door. He turned to look at you, holding his phone out for you to see the screen. The group chat was pulled up on his screen. 

“Are you seeing this?” You held up your phone, showing him the group chat on your screen. 

“Grade-A asshole.” You joked about Jake. You climbed into bed, curling up under the plush comforter. You scooted to the edge, looking at Bradley as he settled onto his makeshift bed. 

“Sometimes I wonder why we are friends with him.” Bradley stated, plugging his charger into the phone and setting it on the nightstand. He picked up your charger cord, handing it to you for you to plug your phone in.

“It’s crazy how any of us are friends.” You said while plugging  your phone in. 

“How so?” Bradley asked, looking up at you from the floor. Your heart swelled as you looked at him, his honey locks disheveled against the pillow. There was a tiredness that was settling on his features, one that was most likely settling onto yours too. 

“I mean, aside from us, we all have different majors. It’s kind of surprising we all managed to stay friends after pre-req years.” Bradley shrugged. He tried hard not to smile as he stared up at you, your cute peeking form over the edge of the bed. The two of you just stared at each other for a moment before you spoke up again. 

“Should we set an alarm for the morning? Don’t wanna miss any presents.” Bradley shook his head no. 

“I promise you, they won’t open anything before we get down there.” You rolled back onto the bed completely, rolling onto your side. 

“Goodnight, Bradley.”

“Goodnight, babe.” 

-

The two of you were awoken by Penny knocking on your door. After confirmation the two of you were awake she told the two of you to be downstairs in ten minutes. Bradley groaned as he rolled onto his side. You checked your phone, seeing a text from Mickey, Bob, and the dagger squad group chat. You looked at the time, 9:25am, then decided to ignore the texts. Those were a future you problem. Without warning Bradley stood up, not facing you and leaving the room. 

It was odd, he at least told you good morning yesterday before heading to the bathroom. You changed into an old university sweater, waiting for Bradley to return. After a few minutes you decided to head down alone, knowing Bradley would be close to follow. 

The smell of cinnamon rolls flooded your senses, making you smile. You saw Penny and Amelia in the kitchen, talking about something while preparing the cinnamon rolls. You made your way to the first floor bathroom, deciding to use it before interacting for the day. After using the bathroom you made your way to the living room. Pete smiled at you once he saw you. 

“Merry Christmas!” Mav greeted you before frowning. “Where’s Bradley?” You shrugged. 

“Went to the bathroom in a hurry and I haven’t seen him since.” Mav nodded, a weird half frown half smirk on his lips. You went to question the look before Bradley walked into the living room. His cheeks had a rosy tint to them, making you question why he left for the bathroom even more. 

“Morning.” You greeted as he sat next to you. Bradley smiled and just nodded to you, turning his attention to Mav quickly. 

“We just put the cinnamon rolls in, so let’s do some presents.” Penny informed as she sat next to Mav. Amelia sat at her classic recliner, staring at the gifts under the Christmas tree. 

“It’s present time.” And with those words gifts were passed around. Bradley had explained on the plane ride that Mav and Penny had his presents shipped to his apartment. It made sense, flying made it hard to bring anything back with you during the holidays. But that didn’t stop them from getting the two of you new beanies and scarves, things that wouldn’t be hard to take on a plane. 

“We know it’s small but we couldn’t leave you out.” Penny said as you set the items on the arm of the couch. 

“Thank you, it means a lot.” Penny smiled then excused herself to check on the cinnamon rolls in the oven. Bradley watched Amelia with a soft smile as she shoved a present towards Mav.

Seeing Bradley like this made your heart ache, knowing that he wasn’t able to experience this every year. It was lonely living away from everything you knew. You had left your home state for college, Bradley left his for work. You had happened to both get employed by the same company after university, forcing you two to stay close. But there was a kind of comfort in having each other. Bradley’s constant open availability for a movie night and you always paying for his take out was a match made in heaven. Without a further thought you nudged him lightly. 

“You okay?” Bradley nodded, that kind tilt of his lips still on his face. 

“Of course, what makes you ask?” Bradley leaned back into the couch, placing his arm around you. There was an unspoken comfortability in the small action, for you and Bradley. You leaned into him, eyes never leaving Amelia and Pete. 

“You never said good morning.” That rosy tint crept back into Bradley’s cheeks. His eyes flicked to yours briefly before leaning in, his hot breath against the shell of your ear. 

“Sorry, I won’t let it happen again.” It was now your turn for a heat to rise in your cheeks, warming you to your very core. Was Bradley flirting with you? Your brain short-circuited, replying without thinking it through. 

“You better not.” You whispered back, leaning closer into him to see Mav open a coffee mug saying “I’m a Pielat, Pielit, Pilat, I can fly” which earned a hearty chuckle from him. 

Bradley kept his arm around you for the rest of the day, except when you enjoyed Penny’s homemade cinnamon rolls that you made sure to get the recipe for. Maybe you would make them for you and Bradley sometime, to remind him of home when he needed it the most. A warmth spread through you at that thought, the idea of being able to provide him a sense of home. You shook your head, trying to push your thoughts away. Why were you even thinking that? Providing Bradley a sense of home? The two of you were friends, not an actual couple you reminded yourself of. 

-

Bradley was beyond elated with how the trip was going. It was only three days into the trip, but your sentiment about it all had changed. Bradley was surprised when you let him, continually, wrap his arm around you. He liked keeping you close to him, snuggled into his side as you all watched more Christmas movies. There was a warmth spreading through his chest, creeping into all of his crevices. It was making him whole, fixing all the cracks that were inside of him previously. He knew that you had something to do with it. 

Maybe it was the way you teased him along with his family. Or how you fit in with them so well, holding any conversation like you’d known them personally for years. The way you made snow angels charmed him too, even though you had turned into a little devil that pelted him with snowballs. Even when you were peeking over the edge of the bed, staring down at him with your wide eyes while complaining about Jake. Or maybe it was the dream he had, where dream him was fucking dream you in his childhood bedroom. Or how he couldn’t get the images of dream you moaning underneath of him. 

The feeling wasn’t completely unfamiliar, he had felt it in the past. He had always tried to ignore it, not wanting to mess anything up with you. But you were his best friend, and had been since college. What was a friendship if you didn’t sometimes love them a little too much? Right? 

It was late now though, and you were still curled up under his arm. You looked peaceful, sleep having taken over during the final christmas movie after dinner. Bradley didn’t want to wake you, wishing the two of you could stay like this forever. He didn’t get many chances to see you this peaceful. He eventually pushed those feelings to the side, deciding it was best to get you up to the bed. He didn’t want to chance you waking up in the middle of the night on the couch disoriented. 

“Hey,” Bradley nudged your shoulder, “gotta get up. Get you up to bed, can’t have you sleeping on the couch or me all night.” You rustled a little, eyes fluttering open to meet his hazel orbs. 

“Why not?” You asked with a yawn. 

“Because I’m not a bed. Plus, you gotta brush your teeth.” You gave him a face that read ‘ah’, sitting up and stretching your arms. You looked around to see just the two of you in the living room. 

“Did everyone go to bed?” 

“Yeah, everyone turned in for the night.” Bradley sat up a little bit, looking at you with this soft look. You stared at him with a sleepy look, making his heart flutter. You looked so damn cute to him. “I can carry you, if you’d like?” 

A heat flooded your cheeks from his offer. You shook your head as Bradley stood up, holding his hand out for you to take. You looked at it skeptically through your sleepy haze, eventually taking it. His large hand enveloped yours, leading you up to your room. Bradley gathered his things and scurried to the bathroom, leaving you alone in the bedroom. A part of you was starting to question why he left every time. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you naked before, even though the times he had seen you it was an accident. 

You slowly pulled your beat up CMU sweater off, tossing it on the floor to track down your t-shirt. You put a pair of sweatpants on, t-shirt still missing. You looked around, searching for the maroon t-shirt. The door to the room opened while you were searching, revealing a shirtless Bradley with your maroon shirt in his hands. He stared at your shirtless figure, only a black bralette covering your tits. 

“I- uh.. I accidentally grabbed your shirt.” Bradley offered the maroon material out to you. 

It was as if you were frozen, staring at his body. You remembered how toned Bradley was in college, but he had changed with age just like you had. He was still slim, but it wasn’t all muscle like he used to be. The heat returned to your cheeks, radiating into the back of your neck and chest. It was a christmas miracle you tore your gaze away, only to catch Bradley’s gaze crawling all over your exposed skin. Bradley had a rosy tint to his cheeks again, something that was a common theme today. He tore his gaze away, turning his head and holding the shirt out a little more. 

“And you thought I was the tired one.” It was a poor attempt to break the new tension between the two of you. Bradley cracked an awkward smile. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth.” You said, scooting past Bradley with your t-shirt in hand. After you brushed your teeth you stared at yourself in the mirror, wondering what the hell was going on with you. 

-

"Rooster, can you come help me?" The basement door was wide open in the kitchen, Maverick at the bottom of the stairs leading into the basement. You raised your eyebrows at Bradley, who was sitting across from you at the table. 

A chill had consumed the house all morning. Everyone was bundled up in sweaters, sweatpants, cozy socks, and Bradley in a beanie. Mav had made sure to keep an eye on the thermostat, slowly watching the temp drop. Penny had left for work already, leaving Maverick responsible for figuring out the dropping heating problem. Bradley made his way to the door, asking for good luck before heading down to the basement. As Bradley's footsteps trailed to silence, your phone vibrated. 

Mickey: y'all fuck yet????

You rolled your eyes, not noticing Amelia watching you from the kitchen. 

You: we aren't gonna fuck like that

You: you’re as bad as jake

Mickey: like that??? 

You: we aren't fucking at all

Mickey: that's not what a little bird told me 

You: if you mean bob, that's not what I told him 

Mickey: it was an actual bird. or at least a mythical one (;

"A mythical bird?" You quietly asked. The text glared at you, racking the crevices of your brain. 

"Like a Phoenix?" Amelia's playful tone cut through your thoughts. 

Phoenix. Of course it was Phoenix. 

Natasha Trace was Bradley's second best friend, right after you. She went to the same high school as Bradley, and the same university as the rest of you. In college she earned the nickname Phoenix from Jake, after a wild night of partying and her being completely unphased the day after. If you had been telling Bob about what happened, there was a chance that Bradley was telling Natasha. Maybe Bradley thought all these interactions were just as weird. 

"You two are dating, right?" Amelia's voice interrupted your train of thought again. She scuttled in from the kitchen to the dining room, a blanket wrapped around her and her sweatshirt hood pulled up. She stared at you from the edge of the table. 

"What makes you ask that?" 

"First, you didn't say yes. Second, Bradley had never mentioned you prior. Just makes me wonder things." Her words weren't hurtful, she just wanted to know. Contemplation wavered in you for a moment, deciding whether to tell Amelia the truth or not. 

“Don’t tell your mom and Mav. And don’t tell Bradley that I told you this either.” Amelia’s smirk grew wide at your words. 

“I knew it!” An excited whisper left her, accompanied by a finger pointing at you. You rolled your shoulders and tilted your head at her. 

“Bradley needed someone to bring home since Mav kept asking if he was seeing anyone. And now here I am, in the freezing cold with you.” Amelia snickered at your last comment. She was a sweet girl, you could feel the secret was safe with her. 

“Bradley had never mentioned you, so I thought it was a little weird.” She admitted while pulling out a chair to sit. A nod and smile was all you were able to give her. “It’s not that you guys aren’t believable, because you are. The looks you two give each other? Those are on par with mom and Mav.” You squinted while tilting your head, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Amelia laughed. “Why are you giving me that look?” 

“What?” Amelia’s eyes widened at your question. An at home theater had formed in your brain, replaying all of the moments of the trip in your brain. 

“Are you serious?” You just stared at her in disbelief. “You’re just as oblivious as Bradley.” The both of you turned to look at the door to the basement, hearing footsteps climbing the stairs. Pete was the first one to emerge, Bradley right on his tail. Bradley smiled awkwardly, looking between you and Amelia. He clearly knew something was up between the two of you. 

“Well, the furnace is out. Gonna have to call the H-VAC company.” Pete looked defeated, fishing his phone out of his pocket. He walked over to the sink, leaning against it as he googled the local company. Bradley made his way over to your chair, placing a hand on your back and rubbing lightly. All you could do was stare at Amelia, watching as her lips curved into a grin. 

“You two good?” Bradley questioned, his hand stilling on your back. Amelia looked up at Bradley with that grin on her lips.

“Just fine, Roo. Why wouldn’t we be?” The gal on this kid was impressing you more and more. You watched Amelia as she put her hands up under her chin, batting her lashes at Bradley. It pulled a giggle out of you, watching her try to soothe Bradley’s suspicion. Bradley scrunched his eyebrows together at Amelia, confused as to why she was acting like this. 

“O-kay. Babe, can you help me pull out some electric heaters from the garage?” You squinted at him, chatter of Mav on the phone filling the background now. 

“Um, why didn’t we get those earlier?” 

“Exactly.” It was nice to hear Amelia agree with you. 

“I asked the same thing,” Bradley leaned down between the two of you, “but you know how he is.” All three of you looked towards the kitchen, seeing Mav pinching the bridge of his nose. None of you could hear his hushed tone. Bradley turned back and stood up, shrugging his shoulders. “Said something about how high the electric bill will be.” 

“Of course he did.” Amelia scoffed, shaking her head in amusement. 

“Yeah, I’ll help with getting the heaters.” In all honesty, you just wanted away from Amelia. You wanted time to process her words, without her being present. 

The two of you bundled up, throwing on your coats and boots before heading out to the garage. Bradley swiped the key to the garage door, letting you out the house first. It felt relieving knowing it was still colder outside, reminding you it wasn’t that cold in the house. Your hands were tightly in your coat pockets, trying to scavenge any type of heat they could find. Bradley headed to the tall wooden gate that separated the backyard from the driveway. His hands rubbed together vigorously, bringing the up to blow warm air against the cold appendages. 

“Forgot gloves?” Bradley smirked at your words.

“Yeah.” It was a soft ‘yeah’, one that made your heart flutter. Bradley was staring at you with this soft look on his face. He looked at your pockets, seeing small movements behind the polyester material. “Forget yours too?” 

All you could do was nod, praying Bradley would open the gate soon.  Which he did, flipping the latch and letting you pass through before him. It was left open as he unlocked the garage door, ushering you into the smaller building. It was colder in the garage than the house, but a few degrees warmer than outside. He left the door slightly cracked as he looked for the heaters. 

Your body had started to waddle in place, trying to produce some amount of heat. You took your hands out of your coat pockets, placing them between your thighs for warmth. It was only once you curled in on yourself a little Bradley noticed you. He made his way over to you, straightening your posture up to talk to you. You were face to face with him, his face a few inches away. 

“Last time you forget gloves, right?” 

“Right.” Bradley reached at your forearms, pulling your hands out from between your thighs. He brought your hands up to his mouth, cupping them with his own. Hot breath coated the cold skin of your hands, setting your insides on fire. Your brain was starting to short circuit, feeling the hairs of Bradley’s mustache poking at your hands. Hazel eyes locked with yours, almost reading your thoughts as they popped into your brain. His lips were almost on your skin, a heat was rising from your chest into your neck and face. But no matter what warning signs your body sent out, you weren’t pulling away. 

Only a few more warm breaths of air coated your hands, Bradley pulling away. His eyes never left yours, hazel orbs peering into your deepest thoughts. His hands left yours though, grabbing his beanie off his head. The fabric was full of his residual warmth, warming your scalp and ears when he placed it on your head. 

“There, all better.” Bradley smiled at you, turning to go back and look for the heaters. 

A few moments passed before Bradley found them, hidden on a shelving unit. Your heart was still pounding from the previous interaction. But a sense of relief had washed over you once they were found. There were only three of them, but the amount didn’t matter to you. You were just glad you actually found them. You grabbed one while Bradley grabbed the other two, you closing the doors and gate while trailing behind him. 

Pete looked defeated when the two of you entered the house. Amelia was still sitting at the table, scrolling through her phone. You and Bradley both gave questioning looks to them, Amelia looked up from her phone to meet your looks. She shrugged and looked back at her phone. Maverick pinched the bridge of his nose once more, a common look for today. 

“What’s up? What’d they say?” Bradley asked as he scooted past Mav, bringing one heater out towards the living room. Mav huffed before responding. 

“Won’t be here til tomorrow.” Your look was laced with surprise and annoyance. Mav must have caught it, throwing his hands up in the air. “You’re telling me. So, we will probably have to rotate the heaters. Keep them on the first floor, then move them to the bedrooms at night.” Bradley returned from the living room, grabbing another space heater to place in the crest of the dining area and living room. After placing the last one in the kitchen, the four of you settle into the living room, bundling up with blankets as you all watch whatever Amelia put on. 

Penny was equally unimpressed with the answer the H-VAC company gave, but at least they knew it would only last a night. A space heater was moved to everyone’s respective rooms, warming them barely. A sweatshirt and sweatpants were your sleep attire for the night, Bradley wearing the same. It was painful watching him crawl on into his makeshift bed. The layers barely helped, the heater not being powerful enough to heat the entire room. That was when you heard a soft chittering. You rolled over to the edge of the bed, looking down to see Bradley curled up in a blanket and shivering. Sharing the bed was the only option to keep the both of you warm.

“Bradley?” One of his eyes opened, peering up at you. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you wanna share the bed?” Bradley knitted his eyebrows, both eyes open now. 

“I- no, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” Bradley lightly shook his head. 

“Bradley, you won’t make me uncomfortable.”

“No, I’m not getting in the bed.”

“Why?” A smirk grew on Bradley’s face. 

“You have cooties, obviously.” You rolled your eyes. 

“I’m serious, you’re gonna freeze.”

“And I’m also serious.” Bradley pulled his blanket up over his neck, a shudder running through him. 

"Bradley, I can hear your teeth. Get in the bed." Your whisper was harsh as you tried to convince Bradley to remove himself from the floor. Even though you didn't really want to share the bed, you definitely weren't going to let him freeze to death on the floor of his childhood bedroom.

“Fine.” Was all you heard before Bradley stood up. 

Hot. It was the first word your brain registered when you woke up. Maybe it was the layers or the space heater that had run all night. There was a weight on your midsection, shifting to see what it was. It was hard to make out the familiar arm in your sleep induced haze.. That’s when you remembered inviting Bradley into the bed. His shuddering and shivering form on the floor forcing you to show him mercy. 

The arm tightened, pulling you closer into Bradley’s body. His sweatshirt clad chest was inviting against your sweatshirt clad back. It was telling you to relax and just accept this new fate. The fate of being wrapped up in your best friend's arms, heart racing, hot breath against your neck. It was a truly tragic fate. 

Time passed as you laid there, staring at the empty wall on the other side of the room. It’s blank canvas, oddly taunting you, not letting you forget about your current situation. The idea of checking your phone hadn’t even crossed your mind. You’d rather stay here in this comfortable, yet anxiety inducing scenario. It was obvious that Bradley hadn’t woken up yet or else why would he be spooning you, right? 

All the cuddling on the couch was for his family, showing to them that you two were a couple. Amelia being the only one to catch on that you weren’t. Well, at least you hoped she was the only one for both of your sakes. You heard a soft murmur behind you, breaking your train of thought. 

Bradley shifted closer to you, nuzzling his face into your back while pulling your midsection back. That was when you felt it. A heat crept into your cheeks, something sparking inside of you. A small rock of Bradley hips almost had a moan slipping from your lips. Your hand trailed up to your lips, covering your mouth to hide any sounds you might produce. 

Soft sounds emanated from Bradley, your thighs squeezing together as you listened. A loop of excuses kept playing in your brain, telling you that what was happening was wrong but you couldn’t stop your thighs from tightening. It took everything inside of you not to rock back into him, for your and his sanity. But it wasn’t much longer before Bradley was stirring awake. A soft ‘hmm’ was all you heard, his arm loosening around you, then there was a light scramble. 

“Oh my god.” That’s when you decided to put the intro to acting class to work. You played dumb, acting like you were asleep. After letting out a sleep noise, one you knew Bradley wouldn’t decipher, you rolled onto your back to look at him. You squint your eyes, putting on your best sleepy face. 

“What?” Bradley sat up and scooted away from you, a small pang of hurt in your chest. A sheen of sweat coated his face, a rosy tint to his cheeks. His eyes met yours for a moment, only to be broken by him. Bradley threw the blankets off of him, scooting down to the end of the bed. This was not the reaction you were expecting. 

“Bradley?” He stopped, hand resting on the door handle. 

“I’ll be back.” Panic flooded through you as he left. Thoughts of your friendship being now ruined were playing on repeat. You knew Bradley was going to come back into the bedroom and tell you to leave, that he would book a flight home for you. There was no doubt about it. You just let your best friend rut against your ass, and didn’t stop it. Of course, your friendship would be ruined. 

But it didn’t seem that way. Bradley had come back to the room, asking if he woke you and promptly apologizing. Then the day went on as normal, or what had become the normal for the both of you. 

The two of you were laying out on the couch, Amelia hidden in her room, Mav sitting in the living room with you. Pete and Bradley were watching River Monsters on the TV, the size of the fish casually catching your attention every now and then. Your phone was mainly holding your attention as you rested your head on Bradley’s thigh. Every now and then he would peer down at you, raising his eyebrows with a light expression on his face. You couldn’t make out what it really meant, but you knew it wasn’t anything bad. 

You looked back at your phone as the British man on the TV screen talked about the fish he was set after. That’s when a text notification flashed across the top of your screen. One from the group chat. 

Dagger Squad, Jakey: tongiht fuckers

Dagger Squad, Javs: are you drunk already? 

Dagger Squad, Reuben: Where? 

Dagger Squad, Nat: Jake, you better not be 

Dagger Squad, Jakey: one typo and everyone thinks you’re drunk

Dagger Squad, Jakey: i’m at work assholes

Dagger Squad, Jakey: except you Reuben, you’re not an asshole 

Dagger Squad, Reuben: Thanks. 

A chuckle left you, the sling of texts getting the better of you. Bradley noticed your laugh, giving you a questioning look. An amused huff left Bradley after you offered your phone to him. 

“How could we not? He was notorious for showing up to 8am’s still drunk or hungover.” That caught Mav’s attention, him perking up like a puppy. 

“Seresin?” Bradley nodded to Mav, you turning to look at Mav. It didn’t really surprise you that Mav knew of Jake. It surprised you that he knew what his tendencies were. “Wild kid.” Bradley let out a hearty laugh. 

“That’s what you call it? Come on Mav, I’ve heard you call him much worse.” Mav smiled, a small nod barely noticeable. Bradley had told Mav all about Jake in college, the goods and bads. 

“That’s what I’ll leave it at. Don’t want to say anything that gets me in trouble.” 

“Like how he has an ego that could rival the size of Jupiter?” Mav caught your smirk, your words pulling a chuckle from him. 

“Something like that.” It was true. Jake had a huge ego, it was apparent from the first moment you met him. He had just this aura about him that screamed ‘asshole with confidence’, even if the first part wasn’t fully true. Yes, he was an ass a lot of the time, but he did care deeply for all of you. 

“Are you two going out tonight? With Jake?” Bradley’s lips bunched to one side of his mouth. 

“Guess so.” 

For a Tuesday night the bar was packed. Even though Natasha had argued for Midland Street bar hopping, everyone decided Frick’s was probably the better choice. They weren’t the spry young college kids they used to be. The idea of walking from bar to bar while stumbling wasn’t appealing to you, especially in the fifteen degree weather. Plus, the thirty minute drive to Frick’s was better than the forty-five to Midland Street. 

Jake lightened up the minute he saw you and Bradley walk in. Jake stopped you for a moment, making you turn to show off your outfit. It wasn’t anything crazy, jeans and a cropped knit sweater. Natasha greeted Bradley immediately. Your face scrunched a little when Natasha pulled Bradley down, whispering something to him. The lighting wasn’t the best, but there was no mistaking the blush that crept up his neck. 

“You two fuck yet?” Jake’s comment pulled you from your stare. You slapped his chest with the back of your hand, giving him a scowl. 

“Jake, this is why nobody tells you anything.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, walking towards the table. 

“People tell me things.” You rolled your eyes, grabbing the wrist of his hand that was dangling off your shoulder. 

“Javy doesn’t count.” Jake feigned a hurt look at your teasing.

“But Javy is people.” You squeezed his wrist, chuckling at his joke. Javy appeared from the bathroom, reminding you of his rule to empty his bladder before drinking. Bradley and Natasha sat down across the table from you. This had to be the first time for the entire trip that Bradley wasn’t sitting next to you. There was a small ache in your chest, watching him scoot closer to the table across from you. Jake sitting next to you was fine, but it just wasn’t Bradley.

“Is Robert coming?” Jake asked. 

“Yeah, Bob is coming.” You replied, seeing Natasha give a confirming nod. 

“Mickey?” Another nod from Nat. “Good, getting those two to reply is like pulling teeth. Reuben even replies faster than them, and he never replies.” You rolled your eyes at Jake’s comment. Group chats weren’t Bob, Mickey, or Reuben’s thing. Hell, Bradley barely responded in the group chat either. 

“What do I never do?” All of you turned to see Reuben, a long wool peacoat and scarf adorning him. That was one thing Reuben was always good at, dressing exceptionally well. You almost jumped out of your chair, hurrying around the table to hug him. It had been years since you saw Reuben. He wasn’t the best at keeping up with people, living in his own realm of existence. You were a little jealous of it, but it did supply you for satisfying reunions. 

“Aye, and Payback is here!” Jake announced, getting out of his own chair to get a hug from Reuben. Reuben rolled his eyes at Jake’s nickname, one that he earned at university for always getting payback on Jake. Jake and Mickey were always trying to pull pranks on Reuben, trying to rile him up. To which Reuben reciprocated, pranking them in ten fold. 

Reuben took his seat at the end of the table, knowing the free seat on your left was meant for Bob. There was a matching open seat across from it, free for Mickey. 

“Yes, Mickey is coming. Class was running a bit late for him.” Sometimes you forgot that Mickey was a teacher. Not just a teacher, a professor. A professor of fine art to be precise. He taught at one of the local community colleges and recreation centers, teaching a few different types of art classes. 

“You got an excuse for Bob?” Jake asked, earning an eye roll from Javy. 

“Dude, this is the first time we’ve all seen each other in years. Why you being like this?” Javy questioned. You and everyone agreed, joining in on scorning Jake for his questioning manner. 

“Excuse me for wanting to know when my friend gets here.” His hands moved up in a defensive manner. That was when the waitress came by, taking drink orders and checking everyone’s ID. Bradley was oddly quiet, making you wonder what was going on in his brain. What had Natasha whispered to him? He wasn’t nervous the entire thirty minute car ride, so why now? 

About ten minutes passed before Bob and Mickey showed up, the both of them getting there at the same time. Bob quickly took his place next to you, Mickey sitting across from him. They both gave you these looks, ones that nobody else picked up on. They knew. They knew what had happened that morning. 

A new group chat had been formed that morning. One of just the three of you. It started initially as a ‘I need to tell Mickey and Bob that Bradley was just dry humping me in his sleep and I didn’t do anything about it’ that turned into a ‘I think I might be in love with Bradley’. Bob and Mickey weren’t surprised by either thoughts. But now you were sitting at a table with them, the temptation of teasing you right in front of them. There was a small tension, one Reuben immediately picked up on.

“So.. how’s everyone been?” Reuben asked, wanting to keep the topic off the obvious. If Mickey knew anything, Reuben knew it too. Their connection started when they were roommates, only strengthening over time. 

“Good! Kids are good too!” Javy didn’t have kids, he had students. He treated them as if they were his own, doting on all of them with an equal amount of care. 

“Still don’t know how you put up with them.” Natasha said, sipping on her gin and tonic. Bradley smiled, agreeing with a nod. 

“Well, I don’t get how you can stare at numbers all day.” Javy teased, sticking his tongue out at her. 

“It’s not that hard.” Jake chimed in. Now it was your turn to join in the conversation. 

“Says the engineer.” Jake rolled his eyes. 

“What can I say,” Jake shrugged, “I’m special.” Jake grabbed his beer bottle for a long swig. 

“If that’s what you want to call it.” Bradley said, earning giggles from everyone around the table. 

That was how the night went. All of you catching up, discussing life and things you all had planned. The topic of what you and Bradley were editing came up, Reuben curious about what new books might hit the market soon. Bob had mentioned that he was doing something computer related, not wanting to explain and potentially confuse everyone. Apparently the private accounting business Natasha started earlier that year was booming; something you never thought could describe accounting. 

Bradley’s gaze would occasionally fall on you throughout the night. While at the table they would flick from your eyes to your lips, every now and then settling on the exposed skin of your neck. His looks only became more frequent after a round of shots. That hazel gaze raking over your body once you all moved to the pool table. It only got worse when you would lean over to take your shot.

That morning had been a confirmation for Bradley, confirming his own feelings for you. It wasn’t a sudden thing, feelings he had been thinking about for a few weeks now. He was hoping this trip would just confirm you being his best friend. But that was not what happened. Every time he looked at you his heart swelled, constantly fighting the urge to press his lips to yours. Not to mention he was waking up almost every morning with a hard on because of dream you. So watching you bend over against the pool table, wiggle your hips slightly before taking your shot was painful. What was even more painful when a guy approached you at the bar. 

You didn’t really remember when you finished off your last drink, or what drink you were even on. You finished the game of pool you were playing before getting a new one. Bradley had told you during the car ride there that he would only have one beer. Which he had already had, not that you were keeping count. You did count that he was on glass three of water though. 

The bar wasn’t too crowded, just a handful of older men hanging out while having some type of whiskey you assumed. The bartender took your drink order, cracking the redbull for it and reaching for the cherry vodka. That was when someone creeped up beside you, waving at the bartender for the next order. An uncomfortable feeling settled over you, feeling a pair of eyes on you. A pair of unfamiliar eyes. 

“Hey.” You looked at the guy next to you, awkwardly smiling and acknowledging him with a nod. You didn’t say anything though, hoping he would leave you be. “You look good.” That made your eyebrows knit together. 

“Sorry, do I know you?” 

“No, but I’d like to get to know you.” You could smell the alcohol on his breath, a grimace coursing through your body. 

“No.” It was a simple word, one you figured would get the point across. 

“Come on sweets, can’t yo-” 

“She said no.” That familiar gruff voice was behind you. You weren’t sure when Bradley had appeared behind you, but you were more than happy about it.

“And who are you, buddy?” That question sparked something in Bradley, his nostrils flaring. Warmth wrapped around your waist, Bradley’s arm tugging you close to him.

“Boyfriend, now get the fuck out of here. She’s taken.” A shiver ran down your spine, a heat pooling between your thighs. Fuck, why did that make you so hot? It had to be the alcohol, not the fact Bradley was calling you his. Your hand rested against his chest, leaning into him to further his words into the stranger's brain. After the stranger left, you grabbed your drink from the bar. The warmth of Bradley’s arm never left you, even when you two walked towards the group. 

It felt like you were vibrating when everyone saw you again. Everyone had giant smirks on their faces, Bob, Reuben, and Mickey whispering between each other. Jake’s smirk was shit-eating, full of a smugness you had shockingly never seen from him before. Javy nudged Nat with his elbow, both of their smirks were full of affection. 

“Some asshole at the bar wouldn’t leave her alone.” Bradley stated when you two returned, the warmth of his arm disappeared. For the rest of the time Bradley fetched all of your drinks, from cider to shots. He was currently at the bar for a round of shots for you, Bob, Mickey, and Reuben. 

“You two make quite the pair,” Reuben took a swig of his beer, “always have if I’m being honest.” 

“And after this morning?” A heat filled you at Mickey’s words, a mix of the alcohol and embarrassment. 

“Can we not talk about that?” Bob let out a chuckle.

“What? Worried he will find you were awake the whole time?” 

“Oh, don’t act like a fucking saint Bob. We all know the shit you got up to in college.” Reuben and Mickey laughed, Bob’s eyebrows knitted together. 

“No idea what you’re talking about.” An eye roll was all you gave him. 

“So when do you two fly back?” Mickey asked. None of you noticed Bradley reappear, two shots in each hand. A part of you had forgotten that bartending is what he did to help pay his way through college. 

“December thirty-first.” Bradley answered, setting the shots all down on the table. You passed him the water you had been guarding for him. The four of you with shots toasted, Bradley toasting his water cup to you all. The liquor burned as it traveled down your throat. You weren’t completely drunk, but there was definitely a thick haze wrapped around your mind. 

“Just in time for New Years.” Reuben said, leaning back and wrapping his arm behind Mickey’s chair. A small staring contest had started between you and Bob, his blue eyes intense with knowing. 

“Guess so.” A part of you knew Reuben’s words meant more than the obvious, but the last shot was already starting to catch up to you. The haze only got worse as the night went on. Natasha was fucking with Bradley at the dart board, teasing him after every shot. Jake, Javy, Mickey, and Reuben were all playing pool; teams of two which weren’t uncommon for them. Bob sat with you at the table, taking immediate notice to your zoning stare. 

“Hey, hey.” Bob waved his hand, breaking your trance and grabbing your attention. The haze in your brain was more intense than you initially thought. A small smile was what you offered him. Bob let out a sigh. 

“How you feelin’?”  He adjusted his glasses. The chatter from the rest of the bar was mind numbing, starting to overwhelm your brain. A nausea started to settle in your stomach, bubbling into your throat. Your hands ran over your face, everything becoming too much all at once. The sounds. Your friends. The trip. Bradley.

After your hands loosened from your face your eyes caught him. His mustache twitching upwards as he held Natasha’s final dart high and out of reach. It was the same look you had watched him give Amelia during your snowball fight. Something feisty but full of warmth and care. Similar to what a big brother would give his sister. It made you think about all the looks that Bradley had given you over the trip. 

They were nothing like the looks Amelia and Natasha got. Every time you had caught him looking at you there was a softness to his gaze. A type of adoration laced into it. It made you think if his look for you had always been like that. Not the goofy caring older brother look, but the one you only gave to lovers. The look that told you he would be there through thick and thin, never leaving your side when you needed him the most. 

Everything was starting to make your head spin. Bob had concern written all over his face now. Your delayed response was really starting to stress him out. 

“Water. Fresh air. I need it all.” Bob nodded, watching you start to struggle with getting your coat on. After that he wrapped an arm around your midsection, keeping you steady against his body. The two of you made it to the bar, getting a glass of water before heading outside. Bob held the glass of water until you two were outside, sitting on the smokers bench outside. 

It didn’t surprise you that nobody was out here, it was fucking freezing. But the cold was refreshing, keeping the liquid fire coursing through your body at bay. Bob handed you the glass of water, watching as you took small sips. He ran a hand through his hair, adjusting his glasses briefly. A silence settled between the two of you, both of you watching each visible exhale. 

“Why.” Bob looked at you, not sure whether you were actually asking a question or not. 

“Why what?” The water in your glass was comforting, slightly warmer than the air surrounding you two. 

“You know.” You turned your head a little, looking towards Bob. He did the same, giving you a melancholic look. “Feelings suck.” Bob let out a small huff, one that sounded amused. 

“It's not a bad thing, liking him.” His friendly smile returned. 

“I’m afraid it might be the ‘L’ word though.” You confessed. 

“Lesbians?” You gave him a playful swat, almost spilling your water in the process. You were impressed that he would quote Scott Pilgrim at a time like this. “I know,” he clarified, “and I think you do. Maybe you have for a while.” 

It was probably true. You had only thought of him as a friend for so long, it was hard to find the exact point you realized you cared for him more than that. All those late nights at the office and editing manuscripts together were starting to feel different. You wanted to say your feelings didn’t start til you were here, but that would be a lie. The double proof reads he offered you on manuscripts, the cups of coffee when you didn’t ask, even the way he lied about you being his girlfriend. It was all muddy and confusing, but it made you warm inside. 

“Bob,” it was barely a whisper, “I don’t know what to do.” Tears pricked at your waterline, a frown forming on your lips. Bob wrapped an arm around you, letting you rest your head against his  shoulder. He felt bad for you. It wasn’t because of the circumstances, it was because he knew that you truly didn’t know what to do. 

“I think you should get some sleep, then figure out what to do.” You nodded, the material of his carhartt coat rough on your cheek. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.” 

Bob placed a kiss on the top of your head. He sat with you until you finished your glass of water. It was perfect timing really. Bob decided to go find Bradley, only for Bradley to walk outside in a slight panic. Relief flooded over him when he saw you with Bob, worried the asshole from earlier might have come back to find you. 

Getting into the car was a bit of a challenge. Alcohol always made it harder to use your legs, balance becoming difficult. Bradley helped you though, Bob awkwardly standing to the side. Bob didn’t want to leave until he knew you were good. Bradley finished buckling up your seatbelt, closing the door before talking to Bob.

“Thanks man, I got really worried when I couldn’t find her.” Bob nodded, patting Bradley on the shoulder. 

“Bradley,” Bob paused for a moment, “take good care of her. Nat’s told me, and I just, don’t hurt her.” Bradley nodded softly, not fully sure how to respond to Bob. 

“Well, I don’t even kn-”

“She does. Trust me, she does.” Bob said. He patted Bradley’s shoulder one more time before heading back towards the bar. 

Bradley slipped inside the car, looking over at your already sleeping form. A soft smile formed on his lips as he admired you. You looked so peaceful while drunk and asleep. He let out a sigh, chuckling quietly to himself. You made his heart ache in ways he never thought it could. Everything about you he adored, it had only taken some time for him to realize it. He twisted the ignition, figuring it was time to finally head home. 

Bradley kept a watchful eye over you the entire ride home, checking periodically to see if you were waking up or not. But you never did, not until the final stop in the driveway. Even then it took a few minutes for you to stir. Bradley didn't mind that though, being able to admire you for a few more minutes.

"Are we home?" A sleepy haze was still casted over you, eyes not fully open and words raspy.You turned inward, on your side a little bit as you stared at him. It looked as though you were fighting to stay awake. 

"Yeah." Bradley wished you would have slept a little longer, anything to prevent him from not being next to you. He turned towards you, watching as you leaned deeper into the seat of the car.

"I'm tired." Your voice was barely above a whisper.

"I know," Bradley smiled, "you slept the whole way here." You ran a hand over your face, yawning afterwards and closing your eyes. "How do you feel?" You shrugged. 

"Just sleepy." You had never wanted to sleep in the passenger seat more than in that moment. 

"Hey, hey, babe. Let's get inside, then you can sleep in a big warm bed, okay?" Bradley started to panic, thinking you had already fallen back asleep. The sleepy flutter of your eye lashes informed him otherwise. You nodded, unbuckling your seat belt and sitting up a little bit. Bradley watched you closely, unbuckling his own seat belt. “You good? Gonna throw up or anything?” 

“No.” Another borderline whisper. Even though there was a thick mixture of sleep and alcohol coating your brain, it hung onto that one word. Babe. Bradley exiting the car and coming around to your side didn’t even register on your radar. Suddenly your door was opening, Bradley with a big warm smile staring at you. Why was he being like this? There was no one around to watch this fake arrangement currently, so why? 

“Come on, babe. We gotta get you inside.” There it was again. Bradley wrapped an arm under your armpits, you placing one around his shoulders. It was awkward, him being taller than you, but you two made it work. 

The two of you made your way slowly up the small driveway, to the steps leading to the door. Bradley quickly unlocked it, still holding onto you so you wouldn’t fall. It was like your legs were jello, barely supporting your weight without his help. You caught yourself onto the small bench in the foyer-like room, slumping back against the wall. Your eyes were trained on Bradley as he closed and locked the door. 

“Haven’t been this drunk in awhile, huh?” He asked, taking his coat off and hanging it up. Slow-motion had taken over your brain, slowing your movements. You had never realized how hard it was to unzip a coat until that moment. Bradley watched you struggle for a moment, finding your struggle with the zipper a little adorable. He hadn’t seen you this drunk since college. 

“Here, let me help you, babe.” That time something clicked in your brain. You let him take over on unzipping your coat, only for a jumbled question to exit you. 

“Why.. Why do you keep sayin’ it?” Bradley’s face scrunched together. He was now kneeling in front of you, taking your boots off because he knew that’d be a task you couldn’t handle. At least in your current state. 

“Keep saying what?” Bradley helped you up, holding you close to him until you were stable. 

“There’s no one around.” He shook his head, still confused. He led you into the kitchen, headed towards the stairs. You tripped a little up the stairs, Bradley shifted your weight more onto him for the trip up the stairs. 

“I’m still not sure what you’re talking about.” Bradley said, the two of you stumbling towards the bedroom. The wood floor under your feet felt slick, balance evading you due to the feeling. Just before getting to the bedroom, the slick sensation had you tumbling towards the wall. Bradley caught you from falling completely, pressing you into the wall with his body. The weight of his body on yours had your mind spinning. It was the first time you had fully opened your eyes since getting home. The mixture coating your brain was immediately gone, clarity appearing out of thin air. 

Bradley’s eyes flicked down to your slightly parted lips. He wanted to kiss you so badly. It was like his mouth was salivating with need. His hazel eyes flicked back up to yours, taking in your wide eyes. Guilt immediately flooded over him, reminding himself of your current state and how this might come off.

“I- I’m just trying to hold you up.” Bradley stammered, pulling his body away from yours. 

“I know.” 

“I just don’t want you to think I’m trying to take advantage of you or anything.” Bradley suddenly felt nervousness bubble in his chest. 

“Bradley,” you let out a long breath, “you keep calling me babe. Why? Nobody is around for the charade, so why?” You gestured to the empty hallway, emphasizing the nobody being there part of your sentence. 

Bradley’s face scrunched together. He hadn’t noticed himself calling you babe, but looking back he definitely did. In the car, getting you out of the car, taking your boots off. He called you babe each time. He knew why, but he was now nervous to tell you. 

“Habit.” He whispered. That whisper caught your attention. You narrowed your eyes at him, one of your hands creeping up to touch the black t-shirt under his flannel. The words were on the tip of your tongue, threatening to spill out. I love you. But instead your hand balled into a fist, pulling on the fabric of the shirt. You pushed off the wall, letting go of his shirt. 

“Of course it was.” You said. Bradley raised an eyebrow, not sure what your response really meant. He remained silent though as you started walking towards the bedroom, one hand out against the wall for support. He stayed in the hallway for a moment, cursing himself for not just telling you the truth. He wanted you to be sober for that though, wanted to know you’d remember it. He knew you weren’t black out, but he didn’t want you to write it off as your imagination. 

When he walked into the bedroom you were practically nude. Your sweater was off, jeans on the floor, currently struggling to get your bra off. Bradley quickly placed his hands on your hips, steadying you when you almost fell over. A gasp passed your lips, his searing hot hands on your skin. Bradley tried not to focus on the sensation of your panties barely touching the edge of his hands. His hands ghosted over your skin, finding their way to the clip of your bra. Your hands moved to the front of your chest, holding your breasts. 

“Let me help you,” Bradley let out a shaky breath, “before you hurt yourself.” You nodded, feeling the strap of your bra loosen. Bradley quickly found your sleep shirt, standing behind you once more. You let your bra fall, covering your chest with your hands still. Bradley got the shirt over your head, moving the collar of it down around your neck. You grabbed at the hem of the shirt, pulling it down around your body and putting your arms through the short sleeves. 

Then Bradley found your sweat pants. He kneeled down in front of you, his face level with your panties now. It took everything in Bradley not to press a kiss to your hip. Instead he guided each pant leg around your ankles, you putting a steady hand on his shoulder. Bradley was sure that his skin was going to have a mark, the warmth of your touch branding him for good. Marking him as yours and only yours. Your hand stayed on his shoulder as he stood up, trailing to the nap of his neck. He held back a gasp when he felt your finger lightly play with his hair. 

This was the most intimate thing Bradley had ever experienced. Yeah, he had fucked people in the past, but this? Dressing his best friend that he also had feelings for? He wasn’t sure if he would ever experience anything like it ever again. It was so sweet and tender. Just like the look you were giving him. 

“Sleep with me.” You whispered. 

Bradley was a goner. 

He nodded, helping you into bed before changing into his own clothes. You watched him change, eyes wandering all over his body. He crawled in the bed behind you, arm moving around your midsection. He pulled you tight against him, his chest flush with your back. You hummed lightly, basking in the warmth you had grown to love over the past few days. 

Some remnants of alcohol were starting to affect you once again. Thoughts swirled in your brain, finally working up the courage. It wasn’t like you hadn’t told him it before, like when he brought you a surprise cup of coffee or paid for the late night take out. It would be different this time though. 

“I love you.” Bradley almost didn’t hear the borderline whisper, but he did. 

There was a pause, one that started to fill you with doubt and anxiety. A part of you wished to take it back. Wanting to have not fucked up your entire friendship. A hot breath appeared on your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. Bradley was leaning up towards your ear, wanting to make sure you heard every last word. 

“I love you, too.” 

-

Neither of you spoke about that night for the rest of the trip. There was a silent agreement established that night, Bradley sharing the bed with you. His makeshift bed was finally dismantled, and so did your denial of liking Bradley. After the drunken confession of your love, it was like a weight had been lifted off your chest. Bradley felt a similar sensation about saying it back. 

Penny and Pete both said you were more than welcome to come back. Amelia had mentioned she noticed something had changed between the two of you, but didn’t elaborate. So, you didn’t tell her what had changed. But you were sad to leave them, knowing that they were the ones inadvertently protecting you from conversation that needed to be had. 

But it never came. The entire car ride to the airport was almost a carbon copy of the previous drive. You got the GPS ready for Bradley then slept in the passenger seat. Bradley stole a few glances, trying to take as many mental pictures as possible. He was certain that whatever happened that night was a trip only occurrence. One he would never get the chance for ever again. 

The airport was almost empty, most people out celebrating for the New Years. Bradley told you that was the exact reason he booked the flight for New Years Eve. A forlorn feeling hung between the both of you. It felt like this was the end of the road. Neither of you had the courage to ask what was to happen now. You wanted to ask, ask if the two of you would be going back to occasional outings and late nights at the office. As much as you wanted to know, a part of you didn’t want to. If you knew, it would be final. 

Instead, you two only made small talk about the check in process. Casual jokes and borderline uncomfortable silences were exchanged before boarding. It was even worse on the plane. Bradley put his headphones in, flicking on a podcast to listen to while you curled up near the window. The rest of the flight was quick, the entire thing being only about two hours. The city that never slept had never felt more comforting when you got back. The drive from Queens to The Bronx was going to be long, the traffic of New Years in full swing. 

Music filled the space of the car, the two of you barely talking. The lights of the city teased you through the window. It was like they were poking and prodding your brain. Snowflakes hit the window and windshield, melting on impact from the warmth of the car. A dread filled the both of you as Bradley got closer to your apartment. It felt as though these bottled up emotions would stay as just that. Bottled up and left on a shelf in the back of your hearts. 

Even when Bradley pulled up to the curb, dropping you off, it was silent. Bradley stared straight forward, focused on the car parked in front of him. The sounds of your bags being pulled out of the car were clawing at his brain. They were the sound of his time running out. He could tell you at work on Tuesday, but maybe your feelings would be different by then. The closing on the backseat door pulled him out of his thoughts. You knocked on the window, gesturing for him to put it down. 

“Thank you.” You smiled warmly. “It was fun, meeting your family and seeing everyone. I’m glad I was able to help.” Your brain was screaming to say the three words, hoping he wouldn’t have forgotten the first time you said them. 

“Yeah, it was fun. Thanks for coming with and being my fake girlfriend.” Bradley wanted to kick himself as soon as he said it. He watched as your smile faded, giving him an affirming nod. 

“I’m gonna head up now. I’ll see you at work?” 

“Yeah, see you at work.” Bradley rolled the window up, watching you walk away. Your figure was altered by the droplets of melted snowflakes, making you seem more distant. Bradley felt a prickle at his waterline, knowing tears would be coming sooner or later. You opened the door for the stairway that led to your apartment, vanishing out of Bradley’s view. Bradley leaned back against the headrest, closing his eyes tightly. 

Tears threatened to pour down your cheeks the entire walk up the stairs. For once you hated that you lived on the third floor. Hated that it gave you so much time to think about the day. All of the never ending silence. It was clear that there was something broken between the two of you. The relationship strained or shattered. You quickly slotted the key into the door, knowing that once you were in your apartment you would be okay. It would mean you were safe. Safe to let out all of your emotions. 

But no tears fell once you crossed the threshold of your apartment. It was almost a numbing sensation instead. You slipped your coat off with ease, hanging it up by the door. The urge to put your suitcase and carry-on away disappeared. It wasn’t until you sat on the couch everything hit you. No sob wracked through you, only silent tears fell. The warm streaks heated your face, your lips turning into a small frown. 

A knock at your door had you wiping away the tears. You had no idea why someone would be knocking on your door this late. After getting to the door you checked the peephole, seeing a rather worked up looking Bradley. Confusion coursed through your body, not sure why he would be back. He let you go, what did he want now? You unlocked the door, opening it to see Bradley’s eyes widen. 

“Bradley, wha-” His hands cupped both sides of your face, smashing his lips against yours. You melted into the kiss, the hairs of his mustache lightly poking your upper lip. It was like something exploded inside of you, spurring you on to kiss him back. 

The two of you made it into your apartment, Bradley kicking the door closed with his foot. You tried trailing for his lips when he pulled back from yours. Even though your lungs were burning for air, you wanted to feel more of him. His forehead pressed lightly against your own, hazel eyes boring into your own. 

“I love you.” Hearing those three words from Bradley cracked the bottle, letting your emotions flow freely. 

“I love you too.” A tear fell from the corner of your eye. Bradley swiped it away, pressing his lips to yours once again. A river of passion flowed freely between the two of you. Your arms trailed up to wrap around his neck and shoulders; one of his hands ghosting down to your waist, the other cupping your jaw still. 

Teeth and tongue clashed while the two of you moved to the hallway of your apartment. The wall pressed into your back as Bradley pressed his hips into yours. A whine broke from you when you felt his semi-hard cock pressing into your hip. Wet kisses trailed down to your jaw and neck, the scratch of his mustache intoxicating. Bradley moaned against your skin when he felt you tug on the hair at the base of his head. 

“I’ve been wanting this all trip. Kissing you like this, having you pressed against me like this.” Bradley whispered into your ear, nipping at your earlobe. He pulled back to look at you, still cupping your jaw. His thumb softly rubbed your cheek, “I love you so much.”

“Why didn’t you kiss me that night?” The question passed your lips before you could stop it. Bradley nuzzled into the side of your neck, pressing soft searing kisses to your skin. 

“You were drunk.” Bradley slotted a leg between your thighs, rocking lightly to earn a moan from you. 

“Why not any other night?” Your words were breathy. 

“I didn’t know if you wanted it.” The hand on your jaw trailed down, cupping your breast over your knit sweater. Your hips bucked against his thigh, kisses trailing down your neck.

Both of his hands ghosted down to the bottom of your sweater, pulling it up over your body. Bradley marveled at the image before him. The person he had cared for for years looked so innocent before him. The soft pink bralette you wore enticed him, teasing him with what he could now have. It wasn’t until your arms pulled up to cover yourself slightly did his concern take over. 

A part of you felt nervous, finally having Bradley like this. Letting him see you so bare and vulnerable for him. It wasn’t his first time seeing you like this, a few college run ins and the instance during the trip. But this was different. You were offering your body up to him, trusting him to please you and care for every inch of you. It was subconscious when you shied away. 

“You do want this, right?” Bradley’s forefinger touched your chin, tilting your face. His hazel eyes were intoxicating and comforting. They let you know you were safe. You nodded. 

“I do, I want you.” Bradley pressed a soft kiss to your lips, mustache prickling your upper lip lightly. 

Strands of hair threaded through your fingers, you tugging softly to urge Bradley on.

Bradley picked up on it, hands ghosting down your sides to your hips. His tongue was soft on your lips, asking for permission to enter your mouth. His hips rocked into yours, you feeling his cock growing harder. Moans and whimpers fell from the both of you, rocking together while exploring each other's mouths. It felt like you were in high school again, the excitement of minimal contact vibrating through your body. 

Your fingers moved downward, trailing at the bottom of Bradley’s own sweater. He caught onto the hint, moving his torso back from yours to pull his sweater and t-shirt off. Rough yet soft fingers ghosted over the band of your bralette. The material felt almost as soft as your skin to Bradley, his cock twitching at the thought. His fingers trailed the material up to the strap that rested on your left shoulder. He eased it down, kissing at your shoulder and collarbone. 

“You’re so beautiful, so fucking beautiful.” The whisper on your skin sent goosebumps blossoming all over you. “I’ve been waiting so long for this.” Bradley’s fingers dipped below the band of your bralette, tugging up over your chest to expose your breasts. Your nipples were pert and eager for Bradley’s touch. 

One of your hands went to his hair, tugging as he took one of your breasts into his mouth. Your back arched off the wall, pushing your breast flush with his mouth. Gasps fell from your lips as his other hand came to your other breast, fingers pinching and playing with your other nipple. Bradley groaned against your tit, the vibrations traveling to your cunt. Your insides tightened, pleading you for more. 

“Bradley, please. I need more.” Bradley let your breast go from his mouth, pressing his hips tighter to yours. He rolled them, his cock rubbing at the apex of your thighs. 

“Tell me, Tell me you want me.” A red flush had grown up Bradley’s chest, adorning his neck and cheeks now. Your free hand trailed down his chest, the need to just touch him too great. 

“I want you to feel you,” the hand trailed up to his shoulder, “I want you to make love to me.” 

Bradley couldn’t hold back the groan that escaped him. He smashed his lips into yours, hands cupping your breasts before traveling lower. He made quick work of the button on your jeans, messily shifting your pants down your thighs. A small giggle bubbled out of you as you chased his lips, not wanting the kiss to end. 

He kneeled in front of you, easing your jeans off your legs. Small soft kisses littered the front of your thighs with the accompaniment of pricks from his mustache. Fingertips ghosted up the sides of your legs, gently guiding your panties down. The kisses traveled up your thighs to your hips, both of your hands diving into his hair. Two fingers ran through your folds, briefly touching that sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“Fuck, Bradley.” Bradley pressed his mouth to your folds, flicking his tongue between them. Your body lurched over him slightly, whining as his tongue ravished your clit. 

One of Bradley’s hands moved up to separate your folds, his tongue diving deeper between them. Small prickles of his mustache could be felt on your sensitive flesh, your fingers tightening in his hair at the feeling. The flicks of his tongue drove you crazy, a tense sensation in your abdomen forming. Your head fell back, moans pouring from your lips as Bradley continued his assault. 

“Your tongue feels so good.” It was barely above a whisper, laced with a moan as your hips started to push towards his face. 

Small ripples of pleasure coursed through you, adding to the imminent wave of pleasure that was about to crash over you. Bradley groaned against you, shaking his face back and forth on you. Bradley flattened his tongue, wiggling it back and forth across your clit. The motion was overwhelming, a shudder running through your body from it. You tried to pull him off of you, knowing if he kept it up you would be a goner. Bradley let you tug at his hair harshly, never budging from you. 

The wave of pleasure you had been anticipating crashed over you. Intense pleasure flooded your system, making it hard to think. All you could do was roll your hips against Bradley's tongue. Your hands kept him pulled tightly on you, mustache digging into your folds. Bradley didn't mind, the image of you unraveling on his face had his cock twitching in his jeans. The sounds falling from you were angelic to him. An endless mantra of his name with moans mixed in. 

"Brad-Bradley! Sto-stop!" Bradley finally pulled back, letting you get some much needed relief. There was a thin sheen to his mustache, the hallway light showing it at the right angles. 

"That was so hot." Bradley stood up, kissing you gingerly. Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in for an intense kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue, a small wetness prickling your upper lip. 

One of your hands trailed down his chest, earning a groan from him. Only the fabric of his jeans and boxers separated the two of you. His jean clad hips rolled into your bare ones. You cupped him through his jeans, reminding you of his size. With one hand you unbuttoned his jeans, pushing your hand into his boxers. Bradley pulled back, resting his forehead against yours while letting out a loud groan. 

"Fuck, babe, your hand feels so good." Feeling him praise you lightly sent a shudder through you, your insides clenching. 

His cock was warm and velvety in your hand, pulsing and twitching with each stroke. Bradley's head drifted to your shoulder, lips haphazardly kissing at the skin. Your touch was intoxicating, his brain going fuzzy as your strokes continued. A tightness in his abdomen had started to form. One of his hands grabbed your wrist, pulling it from the inside of his boxers. 

"As much as I'd love for you to continue, I need to be in you now." Bradley whispered against your skin. His words had you arching, nodding your head in agreement. 

The thought of his hard cock opening you up, stretching you until you couldn't take it had you moaning. Your tits were pressed tightly against his chest as your lips collided once more. You pulled back from the kiss, taking his hand and leading him down the hallway to your bedroom. He rid himself of his jeans and boxers as soon as he got to your room. Bradley had you on the bed quickly, hands groping and massaging your sides. His lips ghosted over your skin as he slotted himself between your legs. 

His cock rested against your folds, twitching every now and then. The two of you kissed, consuming everything the other had to offer. Bradley rolled his hips into yours. His cock pushed through your folds and rubbed against your clit. Your legs fell further apart, preparing yourself for the pleasure that was about to come. Bradley pulled back from you. Your eyes locked with his as he grabbed the base of his cock. 

The head of his cock prodded at your entrance. Bradley watched your lashes flutter while he pushed into you. A gasp falling from your lips as he continued. Your gaze never broke his those. He watched your face as you took all of him, filling you to the hilt. 

Once Bradley bottomed out, he started pressing kisses all over you. His hips were still as he littered you with kisses. Forehead, cheeks, neck, jaw, shoulders. All touched by the tender grace of his lips. Gentle roaming of his hands around your body kept you grounded in this reality. The two of you sat there for a few moments, him peppering your skin as your walls adjusted to his size. A kiss was pressed to your cheek before he pulled back to look down at you. 

“Hey.” The word was barely above a whisper, one hand moving up to caress your cheek. 

“Hey.” You whispered back, leaning up to kiss him. Bradley shifted his hips, pulling back a little before pushing back in. 

It was a soft rocking pace he created. His hips slowly rolled, his hands moving to hike your legs up around his waist. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, hand threading through his hair as he nuzzled into you. Moans and whimpers poured from the both of you, an occasional whisper of each other’s name. His pace picked up, hips moving slightly faster and harder.

“You feel so good,” Bradley groaned, “I don’t know how long I’ll last.” 

Every twitch of his cock you could feel. Your walls squeezed around him, earning a moan from the both of you. He slowed his thrusts for a moment, not wanting to come too soon. Bradley wanted this moment to last forever, even though he knew it wouldn’t. He stopped his thrusts completely, staying seated inside of you completely though. Bradley moved up to sit on his heels, looking down at you. 

His gaze raked over you, moaning when he saw his cock pressed into you. One of his hands settled between your breasts, trailing down to your hips. His thrusts picked back up, the new angle hitting that sensitive spot inside of you. Your walls were clenched tightly around him, the both of you letting your heads drop back. 

“If you do that one more time.” Bradley smirked as he looked down at you. You intentionally squeezed your walls around him, listening to the deep groan that emanated from his throat. 

“Or what?” You playfully joked. Bradley’s hands coasted down your legs, grabbing your hips tightly. 

“Or this.” Bradley almost pulled all the way out, his tip still inside of you. He rammed his hips forward, hitting that spot inside of you. Your back arched hard, an almost painful moan ripping from you. Bradley leaned back down over you, caging you in between his arms. 

“I love you.” Bradley whispered, kissing your neck and nibbling on your earlobe. 

“I love you, too.” Bradley kept up a softer pace, edging the both of you closer to your climaxes. 

It was one of the most intense orgasms you had ever experienced. All your muscles tensing as pleasure rocked through your body once more. Emotions flowed from you, Bradley’s name filling the space around the two of you. You carded your fingers through Bradley’s hair, letting him know you had him. Bradley’s hips were stuttering, whines falling from the both of you as he came inside of you. 

Hot breath beated against your neck as you two laid there. Bradley was still inside of you, laying on top of you as he regained his breath. You kept carding your fingers through his hair, almost a mindless action now. A shudder ran through you once Bradley shifted, propping himself up on his arm. His eyes were soft when he looked down at you. 

“Hmm?” You questioned. 

“Just looking at you.” Bradley said, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek. “Happy New Years.” 

“Happy New Years.”

A whimper left you as he pulled out of you. A slick feeling replaced the new empty one, his cum dripping out of you. Bradley quickly hopped off the bed, heading to your bathroom to find a washcloth. 

“I’m sorry, I should have pulled out.” Bradley apologized, handing the warm wet washcloth to you. You shrugged, taking it to clean yourself. 

“As long as you buy the plan B.” Bradley smiled, nodding as he sat on the bed near you. He chewed at his bottom lip, nervous about the impending conversation. He had already put everything out on the floor. It was hard to take back ‘i love you’ while your entire dick was in someone. But it wasn’t like you hadn’t shared the same sentiment. You picked up on his nervousness though, reaching a hand out to touch his thigh. 

You tossed the washcloth across the room, silently cheering when it made it into the basket. Bradley took notice, elbowing you softly. “Nice shot.” 

“Thanks.” You stared at him for a little bit, taking in all of his features before speaking. “So, this?” You gestured between the two of you then scooted up the bed. Bradley laid back on the bed, you propping yourself up on your elbow next to him. Even though he was nervous, all he could think about was that you looked like an angel. 

“I love you,” Bradley started, “but more than a friend.” 

“Obviously, you goof.” You tried to keep a straight face, only to smile at him. “I love you, too. The trip really helped me see it.” Bradley nodded. 

“I knew before the trip. Well, for me, I did. Why else would you think I’d buy you so much coffee?” You lightly smacked his chest, his hand catching your hand. 

“I don’t know, maybe ‘cause you’re a good person.” You sat up, “I gotta pee.” 

“I am a nice person!” Bradley shouted as you took off for the bathroom. He got up, finding his boxers and slipping them on. 

He had been to your apartment many times, but only in your bedroom a few times. It was very you he noticed, now having the time to take it all in. There was a cork board on one wall. It was littered with pictures, ones from college and a few from the past few years. There was one specific one that stood out to him though. It was of the two of you, on that neither of you had taken. He had an arm wrapped around your shoulders as the two of you looked at one another. Must have been from an office party. It made him wonder if the two of you always looked like a couple to everyone. 

“What?” Bradley looked at you, taking in your new clothed form. It was only a baggy t-shirt and underwear, but god did he find it beautiful. 

“Just looking at these pictures. Wondering if we always looked this good together?” You bumped your shoulder into his arm playfully, looking at the same picture. 

“What are you implying?” You knew the answer, surely you did. Bradley turned to you, cupping your face with one of his hands. 

“I’m implying that I’d like to be in a relationship with you.” A flutter appeared in your chest when he pressed his forehead to yours. 

“I think I’d like that, too.”

[chimcess]

Waterlog || pjm (2)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 11.5k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: PINING, sexual tension, sad backstory, parental issues, more than likely bad swimming terminology, probably some bad work out advice, i'm trying my best lol, tae is too much but i love him, talks of past drug use (not reader or jimin), strong language, mental health things, medication use, allusions to depression, did i say pining?, reader is horny and awkward 99% of the time, can we blame her?, mood swings, i think they are so cute together, i promise more romance is coming soon A/N: Howdy. I know we're having a pretty slow start, but I think it'll be worth it in the end. I enjoy a good slow burn, especially when there's so much awkward sexual tension involved. Thanks for reading!!!

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Waking up the next morning, I was greeted by a loud knocking on my door. Stumbling, I told whoever it was that I was on my way. The knocking stopped but was quickly followed by Violet’s loud voice. My things were here, and I needed to let the movers inside.

“Christian and Kook are here already,” She added. “Managed to get an extra pair of hands, too.”

I changed into a pair of jeans and threw on a pull over. It was not supposed to be as cold today, but I did not think a short-sleeved shirt would be enough to keep me warm. Sliding into my boots, I opened the front door.

Violet was there, her hair in a braid again, wearing a blue plaid shirt and bootcut jeans. Beside her was Jimin, a large smile already on his face. Two other men were here. I was certain I had seen one of them before. He was very handsome with a heart shaped face and soft chin, large, asymmetrical brown eyes, and downturned lips. His hair was very obviously dyed, the blue so bright when the sun hit it my eyes hurt.

The other man was less familiar. His hair was black, styled into a trendy wolf cut, with his bangs pulled out of his face into a ponytail. He had a pure, youthful, and elegant look about him, and a few piercings. There was one on his eyebrow, one on his bottom lip, and so many on each ear I could not count them all. If I could describe him in a single word, it would be cartoonish. His eyes took up most of his face, large and doe-like, with all of his other features soft and small. Like the blue haired man, he was very handsome.

This upset me more than it should have, because despite how wonderful they both looked, all I could think about was how much I preferred Jimin. It was incomparable, actually. While they were certainly my type, I could only see how not Jimin-like their features were.

“Good morning,” I greeted them awkwardly, my voice scratchy. “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you both.”

“It’s such an honor to meet you,” The blue haired man’s enthusiasm caught me off guard. Despite me never making the move to shake either one of their hands, he reached for mine anyway. He reminded me of a labrador retriever, and I could imagine a tail wagging in time with his vigorous handshake. “I’m Taehyung Kim. I used to watch you, like, all the time back in the day.”

I knew that name. Studying his face a little more, it hit me. Taehyung Kim, a.k.a., The Seal of Michigan, a.k.a, V. I never understood why he had been given that last one, but it must have some sort of meaning to him because the guy lights up when anyone uses it. He was a famous snowboarder and had been to the 2020 winter Olympics. He was just a few months younger than Jimin.

“That’s very kind of you to say,” I gripped his hand back a bit more now. “I watched you at the last Olympics. You did great.”

He blushed and let go of my hand, “I didn’t win anything, but I had a lot of fun.”

That was true. The kid was brand new on the scene and let some of his nerves get to him. I had learned the hard way that hesitation could ruin a great performance, but I was sure he would do better in January. The Winter Olympics were always a few months ahead of summer, and I would surely be watching Taehyung this year. If I was going to spend time with Jimin then I would need to get along with his friends.

“It’s not always about winning,” I tried to comfort him. “I didn’t win every time either.”

That placated him. Jimin quickly introduced me to Jungkook after. He was an NHL player for the Red Wings. I admitted that I had no idea who he was and never really watched hockey before, but that only made Jungkook swear to make me an avid fan before I left Michigan. For some reason, I believed him.

It did not take long for the movers to get all of my furniture and boxes into the house. With the boys’ help, I was tipping the two men much earlier than I anticipated. All three of them insisted on helping me unpack despite me telling them I could do it on my own. The place was entirely too small for the four of us, but we managed to make it work.

I had told them my bedroom was off limits. I unpacked my clothes and put my underwear away. My room was the largest in the house. With enough space for my full-sized bed, nightstands, and dresser, I was pleased. The only downside was not having a closet, but I did not bring anything nice enough for it to really matter. It was inconvenient but not the end of the world.

I was, however, happy to see more color. My blanket was dark orange, pillowcases covered in baby pink cow print, and the otter plushie Namjoon’s mom made me was resting right in between them. I installed some simple shelving above my bed, warmly lit Christmas lights wrapped around the bars, where I displayed my books and a few of my plants. The rest were lined up on the windowsill beside the bed.

Brightly colored art now hung on the walls, a large mirror above my dresser, and a peg board for my earrings made the space feel lived in. Whatever books could not fit on my shelves got stacked and put on the nightstand. I still wanted to buy a rug and curtains, but that was on the bottom of my list of priorities.

The boys were all talking and laughing as they worked which helped me relax. I hated being trapped in quiet spaces. Finished with my room, I went to check in with them and move things around. I doubted any of them would get the knick-knacks just right.

“Don’t worry about the decorations,” I said, announcing my presence. Taehyung was staring at two of my paintings with mild panic. “I’ll take that.”

Snatching the photos, I smiled at him. The living room was coming together nicely. Jungkook pushed the dark green loveseat against the wall and all of my throws were on top of it. My largest potted plant was beside it and I decided then I would keep it there. Moving the throw pillows to the floor, I started to put my wall art up. Hoseok complained that I was going to become a hoarder if I bought any more shit. Andrea, however, said that I had great taste, so I listened to her instead.

“You’re a big face of Earthy colors,” Jungkook said, looking around the house. “Lots of plants, too.”

I shrugged, “My fiancé had a lot of succulents and stuff, so I guess it rubbed off on me after a while.”

In truth, Namjoon not only had succulents and cacti, but an entire apartment filled with plants. He had a small garden in the back, vegetables and herbs growing in despite the weather in Colorado making it difficult. The man had a green thumb and loved taking care of things. I had been in charge of them once we moved in together and learned to love it. Even after he died, I couldn’t imagine not having at least five plants in the house.

I noticed the room had gone eerily quiet. I realized then what I had said. It was the first time I had spoken about Namjoon with any of them. Knowing I had made the atmosphere awkward, I tried to break up the tension.

“What colors do you like, Jungkook?”

I could physically feel the mood lighten.

“Black,” His reply was quick. I groaned. He laughed. “What? I like the clean look.”

“It’s not clean,” I argued. “It’s depressing.”

Taehyung took my side, “My house isn’t as decorated as yours, but I have more going on than either one of them. I’m a huge fan of video games and photography so I have a lot of stuff hanging up.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Jimin chimed in from the bathroom. He placed himself in charge of getting that room squared away. “His place isn’t as nice as yours. It’s all cluttered and disorganized."

“Nu uh,” Taehyung argued childishly.

“Dude, you have stuff everywhere,” Jungkook shot back, handing me another picture frame.

“They’re lying,” Taehyung told me.

“You’re so full of shit, Tae,” Jungkook sighed.

“Literally the dumbest thing to lie about,” Jimin snarkily threw in from the bathroom.

“Bullies,” Taehyung was addressing me again and this time I could not help my chuckles. “They always gang up on me.”

As the boys continued to bicker, I worked. I finished hanging up the art above the sofa and got to organizing the throws. Taehyung had already pulled out my rug, and I started figuring out how I wanted to place all of the floor pillows. Namjoon never used the couch, no one in his family did, and I had become so conscious of their comfort that I always had a large array of pillows on the floor for them to use. After a few years, I had joined them, and I kept up the trend once I moved to the Springs. The sofa was little more than decoration.

“Damn, these are nice.”

Looking over my shoulder, I was surprised to see Jungkook holding up one of my medals. I was positive I had not packed it and the box he was hunched over was completely unfamiliar as well. Embarrassment and anger swelled up in my chest. I had placed Minho and Tilly in charge of coordinating with the movers so I could focus on work and training Hoseok before I left. If I had to guess, Tilly had thought it wise to ship over a large package of my most prized possessions for some God forsaken reason.

“I don’t know why those are here,” I hoped my voice sounded playful and carefree. I did not want another tense moment. “One of my friends must have packed them.”

“Holy shit,” Taehyung was now holding the medal. “These are heavy. You have so many.”

Walking over to the box, I took out the rest of the medals. Tilly had only packed four of the eight Olympic medals I owned, probably running out of room. Framed photos of me swimming, with the rest of my team, and my coach were also in the box. My swimsuit from the last Olympics I competed at was folded at the very bottom of the box, my goggles and cap wrapped up in the fabric, and underneath it was something I had not been expecting. A framed photograph.

I remembered that night as if it were yesterday. I was eighteen coming off the back of two major wins and making my mark in the athletic community. I had just moved to Denver; Victor had gotten divorced the year prior and his ex-wife moved to Colorful Colorado taking his daughter with her. My coach demanded he was close enough to see her every weekend. It really did not matter to me where I lived, so it was one of the easier decisions I had to make.

I knew Hoseok lived in the area, and we had always been friendly at the meets we had in common. I ended up getting his number from Ozzie and after getting coffee I knew we would be friends for life. The picture was taken at his New Year’s Eve Party. I needed to get laid, he had said, and he knew a few guys he thought I might hit it off with. That was where I met Namjoon.

He was a college student, fresh faced and stumbling over his words. I was charmed by him almost instantly, even if Hoseok was positive the two of us were too different to last. I could recall the smell of fireworks in the air, the way his voice cracked whenever another one would go off, and how excited his eyes looked whenever I asked him about his major. Namjoon spoke for hours about Philosophy, all of his favorite poets, and the way he believed the universe worked. He was so clumsy it was practically a disability, and the loud sounds were so nerve wracking, he flinched whenever the fireworks boomed.

Picking up the small picture, I smiled. It was taken right after midnight. Hoseok’s sister said we looked so sweet that she could not help herself. I had all but ripped Namjoon’s hair out when the countdown began, kissing him before midnight ever came. His hands rested gently on my hips, and he huffed like he had run a marathon when we finally pulled apart. His breath was hot when he went back in for more, panting into my mouth as I clung to him like an addict. It was a beautiful moment. It was a moment I would never forget.

Suddenly, I was no longer mad at Matilda. I was sure it had been her who did this. Minho would not go through so much trouble if he thought it would upset me. Either way, I was happy to have the picture. While I was no longer in love with Namjoon, my heart slowly healing itself and making space for someone new, I would never forget our time together. It was too perfect, too magical; too loving to forget.

“Is that him?” Taehyung asked. The way he said it told me that he knew what had happened. I doubted there was a person in our world who didn't know. “The guy who died?”

I nodded, “His name was Namjoon.”

“Damn, that’s rough,” Jungkook’s voice was very gentle, and I could hear the compassion in it. “Sorry to hear that. Hope you’re doing okay.”

I smiled at him and nodded, “It was a few years ago.”

Taehyung was the one who broke the moment this time and I was grateful for the reprieve.

“These aren’t all of them, right?” He pointed at the medals still in the box. "Olympic medals, I mean."

I shook my head, “No but I guess she just grabbed the ones I had at my house. The other four I keep at my school. They’re in a case in my office.”

The ones Tilly had packed away were from 2012. Andrea had been the one to convince me to bring my other medals to school. Before that I had them all stored in a box in the deepest corner of my basement. I hated looking at them. Hated everything that they represented. The only reason these had been hanging up was because I could not be bothered taking them down.

“Where should we put them?” Jungkook asked.

I shrugged, “No idea. Just keep them in the box for now.”

Truthfully, I had no intention of putting them anywhere. While happy to have the photo of Namjoon and I, my feelings on dragging these things around had not changed. I would be very upset if I lost or damaged any of this stuff. Putting everything away, save the picture, I closed the box back up and placed the photo on my coffee table. I would find a better place for it later.

Like all of the times I had been around him, Jimin bled into the background. I listened for his voice, waited for him to add something to the conversation, but he kept to himself. Even when he left the bathroom and joined the three of us, he only answered in one-word sentences and made sound effects to show he was listening. Taehyung and Jungkook seemed used to it, so I had to believe this was just how Jimin normally was.

“You should come and grab some drinks with us,” Jungkook smiled at me.

The boys were going out for a late lunch since we finished a little later than we had thought we would. I was appreciative that they had invited me out but declined the offer. All of them were disappointed.

“Why not?” Taehyung wiggled a large set of keys at me. I could not imagine what all of them could be for and the sound they made when they moved bothered me. “You worried the food’s going to suck or something?”

I shook my head, laughing, “No, it’s nothing like that. I just don’t feel comfortable going to a bar.”

Jimin smiled at me, a small, tight-lipped smile, and I almost laughed at myself when I realized I was holding my breath. I was being ridiculous. I would call Hoseok tonight to get my head screwed back on.

“It’s not a bar,” It was heavenly to hear his voice again. “Taehyung and I don’t drink. Jungkook just likes to sit at the bar so he can watch the games.”

“Oh,” I replied dumbly. “I guess I can come along then.”

Jimin offered to give me a ride while Jungkook and Taehyung rode in the hockey player's beat up Jeep. He was just as quiet on the ride to the restaurant as he was back at the house, and while I wanted to break him out of whatever shell he had put around himself, I had no idea how. We were supposed to work together and barely spoke. Ozzie was not going to be happy about this.

“What time are we getting your car?”

I jumped, not prepared for the question. His eyes were still on the road, and it looked like he was forcing himself to not look my way. It hurt my feelings, but I knew I would have to get over it. Whatever his problem was, it had nothing to do with me and I would not let it get in between our working relationship.

“Whenever you want to go,” I replied, going back to looking out of the window.

“We’ll pick it up after we eat. My mom invited you over for dinner. by the way. If you're up for it.”

This had been the most he had said all day, but his voice was off. It was embarrassing how quickly I had become attuned to his little mannerisms, but I was so sure that something was wrong with him it was eerie. His tone was flat and disinterested, and I knew I had done nothing to upset him. Something was obviously bothering him, and I would have to silently support him in my own way. I was not comfortable being more upfront and something told me that Jimin would not like my overstepping.

“I might,” I purposely kept my tone light, hoping he did not realize I could see the darkness in his eyes. Looking at him, I asked, “What is she making?”

“Beef and radish stew,” The mundane topic seemed to ease his frown. “She got a yellow corvina from the Asian market yesterday so she’s going to roast it. Do you like fish?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It sounds nice. I’ll go.”

A ghost of a smile graced his pretty face and I felt like I had won the lottery. Carefully composed, I looked back out of the window, hiding my little smile behind my hand. He was quiet again, the only sounds in the car being our breathing, but it felt lighter. Finally, I let myself admire the scenery.

Taehyung and Jungkook were already at the bar when we arrived and as soon as we sat down, the snowboarder was quick to hog all of my attention. While Jungkook watched a baseball game on the big screens, Taehyung talked animatedly about his family. Jimin was quietly sipping on a Coke in the seat next to me. It was strange to see how easily his friends ignored him. Like they knew he did not feel like talking.

“My sisters are both in college,” Taehyung continued to ramble. “Twins. It was a nightmare being the baby brother.”

I nodded along and tried my best to keep up with him. I kept getting distracted by Jimin. He barely moved and seemed to be mindlessly watching the tv. He looked so sad it broke my heart. Still, no one else said anything so I kept my thoughts to myself.

“Oh!” Taehyung gasped, noticing a few people who walked in. “I’m going to go say ‘hi.’ It was so great meeting you.”

With a bright smile, Taehyung told the boys about the group and Jungkook decided to join him. Jimin did not even acknowledge he had said anything. Leaving us alone, the restaurant was loud and filled with their chattering.

“Are you hungry?” I asked, trying to make conversation. Picking up the menu the bartender had left with Taehyung when we first arrived, I gave it a quick once over. “We can split an appetizer.”

Jimin looked tired and sad, but I did not know what to say or do for him. We were not lovers, not even friends. We were a pair of strangers who were expected to work together. This seemed much easier over the phone. I took a nervous sip of my drink.

“What are you thinking?” Just the sound of him talking eased my anxiety.

“Uh,” I had barely looked at their menu and pointed to a random item. “Fried pickles?”

Jimin smiled lazily and looked at me, his eyes amused.

“You don’t sound very sure of yourself.”

I shrugged, embarrassed. “I just said the first thing I saw.”

Putting his cup down, Jimin grabbed the menu from my hands and laid it flat on the bar. We leaned over the small paper, our knees touching. I could smell his cologne now and my mouth watered. He smelled so good I struggled to focus.

“Most of the shit here is awful,” His voice had more life in it now and I was glad to see the corners of his mouth pulled up. “Only things worth getting are the chips and salsa, fried cheese, and pasties. The pizza is fine, too, but not worth the money.”

Talking distracted him from whatever had been on his mind, and it made Jungkook and Taehyung’s behavior odd. They were obviously very close, but if I could see how much happier he looked when he was shooting the shit, how couldn’t they? They probably knew something I didn’t, but it did nothing but rub me the wrong way. My friends would annoy me until I had no choice but to talk back.

“Chips are usually pretty safe,” We both agreed on it. “Do you just want chips? I don’t mind getting you a burger or something.”

He shook his head, “Like I said, most of the shit here is awful. Don’t waste your money.”

I ordered the chips for us, and the bartender was happy to help us out. This place was pathetically empty save us and the group Jungkook and Taehyung ditched us for. They were very loud and rowdy, something Jimin said was completely normal. Apparently, they all knew one another but he hadn’t felt like spending time with any of them.

“Are you feeling alright?” I asked, heart pounding. My anxiety over the question was ridiculous, but I felt like this was a good moment to ask. We were both comfortable and the tightness around his eyes was finally eased.

“Just one of those days,” He replied, voice soft.

I sighed, “I get them, too. They’re the fucking worst.”

He chuckled darkly, “It’s like you wake up and that’s already taken all of the energy you had for the day.”

“Why’d you come to the house?” I asked, flagging the bartender for a refill. “I wouldn’t have been upset if you bailed.”

Jimin flushed, “I said I was coming so I came.”

No, I thought, you thought I was going to be mad if you hadn’t shown up. Hamilton had this poor kid so fucked up and scared it pissed me off. As long as I knew Matt, he had always been an ass, but to think he had his trainee putting shit before his mental health and wellbeing made whatever sliver of respect I had for him vanish.

I took a long sip of my drink, “We can’t work together if you don’t talk to me. That will piss me off way more than you canceling on me.”

“Okay,” He let out a very large breath. “I’ll let you know next time.”

As we ate our chips, we moved into safer waters. Jimin was still less talkative in person, but nowhere near as tense as he had been all morning. I found that music was one of his favorite things, and I discussed my own interests in more depth and detail than I ever had before. Jimin’s taste was varied but stuck mostly in 90s R&B and soft Indie artists I had never heard of. At some point I ordered spicy wings and had to admit Jimin was right- they really were awful.

We left the other two behind to go and pick up my car. Jungkook and Taehyung seemed more than happy to watch us leave and the large table barely acknowledged my presence. Jimin accepted their happy shouts when he approached, hugging the ones who stood up to greet him, and forced one of his small, pitiful smiles at a particular brunette who kept batting her eyelashes at him. He introduced me but none of them seemed to really care. Especially the brunette.

“Let me get your number,” Taehyung said to me, holding out a hand for my phone. “We need to hang out again.”

I was nervous about giving him a way to contact me. He reminded me of Tilly, though ten times more energetic, and she always found a way to get on my nerves (the box being one of many examples). Taehyung had yet to overstep the imaginary boundaries I had, but his complete lack of personal space etiquette was astounding. He touched me more in one day than any of my friends in an entire year. He seemed like the type of person to text every day and send a million pictures of himself doing random shit. Even with that in mind, I handed my phone over. He was too nice to say no to.

“Do you like sushi?” Taehyung asked, handing me my phone. “There’s a great place in Detroit we can go to.”

The idea of being trapped in a car with the snowboarder for 45 minutes was not appealing. I could only imagine how much he could talk when he was really excited about something. I would entertain the idea if Jungkook or Jimin came as a buffer, especially if one of them could sit up front. Taehyung yapping away in my ear would give me the biggest migraine I had ever had, and my anxiety over not being entirely focused on the road would make me snippy and rude.

“Only if I can come,” Jungkook piped up. “You’re not going to Bash without me, dude.”

“Well yeah,” Taehyung rolled his eyes. “Y/N has to meet Milo and Darcy,” He looked at me, grinning happily. “I think you would really get along.”

I had no idea who either of those people were, but I did not want to ask any questions. Jimin was inching back towards me and telling the others goodbye, and I did not want to hold him up. Taehyung started making plans that I did not pay any attention to. He could always text me when he figured out what he wanted.

“We have to get going,” Jimin was back beside me. “Y/N’s car is sitting at the dealership. It was good seeing everyone.”

I waved at the table and started walking away before Taehyung could touch me. He was definitely a hugger. Jimin was quick to catch up with me, giggling about my “escape.” It had started to snow again, gentle flurries twisting and turning in the wind, and I had forgotten my heavy jacket at home. The long sleeve I was wearing would do nothing to keep me warm.

“Here,” Jimin taking off his jacket. “You need this more than me.”

Draping it over my shoulders, Jimin told me to zip it up. Stunned, I moved on autopilot and shoved my arms through the sleeves. Everything smelled like him, oranges and spice, and his warmth was still clinging to the thick fleece. I could not remember the last time someone had given me their jacket. Dazed, I followed Jimin out to the parking lot, eyes locked on his back. He was in nothing but a thin, black and white striped shirt.

“Thanks,” I said once we were both in the truck, already shrugging out of the light beige jacket. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He held up a hand, “Keep it. The heater is out.”

I shook my head, “What about you?”

He reached into the back and held up a purple hoodie.

“I’ll be alright.”

I put the jacket back on and buckled in. Jimin slipped into the sweatshirt and started the truck. After buckling up, he backed out of the parking lot. I caught sight of the brunette as we left. She was red faced, shouting into her phone. I looked away. Whoever she was angry with was definitely getting an earful.

“Wonder what Tom did this time,” Jimin mumbled.

“Hm?”

“Tom’s Annie’s boyfriend,” He supplied. “They’re always arguing. Worse than Jungkook and Darcy, they break up every other week, but Tom and Annie are at each other's throats every other day.”

I grimaced, “Sounds like my friends. They finally called it quits last year, but they were insufferable.”

Jimin chuckled, “So, what’s Colorado like?”

I talked to him about Andrea and Seokjin first, how we met and how much I loved their daughter. Hoseok and I’s friendship got quite a few laughs out of him, but those quickly died off when I brought up Namjoon. I told him about the day we met and the coffee date that happened a few days later, and that seemed to brighten up the mood again. Namjoon stories were bittersweet but took up such a large chunk of my life it was impossible to gloss over.

“When’s the toxic couple coming up?” He joked.

“I’m getting there,” I replied.

Hoseok and Matilda had known one another longer than the rest of us. Growing up together, no one was surprised when they finally hooked up in high school. It was, however, short lived bliss. Matilda got caught up in the wrong crowd and began doing drugs. Hoseok had tried to help her get through it, but they could never see eye-to-eye. That started their toxic cycle of getting back together, Tilly going to rehab, her relapsing, and them falling out again. It was not until she went two years ago that it managed to stick, but their relationship was too tumultuous to make it very far. They decided to stay friends and she became a constant member in our group.

“That’s crazy,” Jimin shook his head. “Happy she’s doing better now.”

“Me too.”

The rest of the drive was spent talking about Colorado and how beautiful it was. He stayed away from swimming, mostly wanting to hear about the school I worked at and the places I went to in my free time. He kept me talking for the entire 45-minute car ride, question after question keeping me on my toes. He did not like talking about himself, whenever I tried to switch the conversation to his own interests he barely responded before going back to his interrogation. Before I knew it, we were pulled into the dealership and getting down.

“You can leave,” I told him.

“I want to make sure you’re good before I go,” He replied.

The cashier was lovely, her voice bubbly and sweet as she helped me out. Jimin lingered longer than he needed to, helping me fill out my paperwork and making small talk with the dealer. I took my keys and went for a quick test drive before I was finally able to convince Jimin to leave.

The drive back was quiet. I was used to the silence when I drove, but Jimin’s voice had been soothing. Frankly, I was a bit bored without him around. I decided to call Matila and ask about my medals. She apologized but I doubted how sincere she actually was. After catching up with her, hearing all about the guy she went on a date with, and a five-minute rant about Hoseok spending way too much money on Minho’s birthday present, I hung up before she could give me a migraine. As much as I liked Tilly, she was someone I had very little patience for and her voice, high pitched and loud, was like nails on a chalkboard.

I got back in town a little after 3. Violet and Calvin were both home and watching some black and white Western. Calvin offered to make me lunch, but I was quick to decline. I just wanted some space.

As soon as I got in my apartment, I curled up in bed to take a nap. I was overwhelmed after talking so much and desperately needed to recharge. I set an alarm for 5 so I could make it over to the Park house in time for dinner. Quickly sending a quick text to Hoseok, I turned on thunderstorm sounds and closed my eyes.

Na-Yeon and James were both excited to see me, talking about their days and asking how I was settling in. Eloise was there as well, the twins in the back room playing again. Jimin was going to be late. He had gone for a last-minute swim with Milo. When I asked them who that was, it was Eloise who answered.

“That’s Vincent’s fiancé.”

“Who?” I was even more confused.

“Taehyung,” Na-Yeon answered. “You know he hates that name as much as Jimin hates his, Lou."

Eloise blushed, her entire face turning a bright shade of red.

“Sorry,” She scratched behind her ear. Looking back at me, she sighed, “We went to school together. Old habit.”

Now V made sense. It never occurred to me that Jungkook and Taehyung could have their own American names, and neither one introduced themselves that way either. James came to take the seat beside mine, the dining table more crowded then was reasonably necessary.

“Does Jungkook have a second name?” I asked.

“Ian,” Eloise replied. “He goes by both, so I don’t think he cares as much as Tae and Jimin. I know his girlfriend uses both.”

I assumed that was Darcy. Why else would Taehyung assume she would go with us on a day trip to Detroit?

“They call him Ian on the team, too,” James chimed in. “His name is too hard.”

Namjoon never had an American name, at least, not one I had ever heard. The only person I could think of was Hoseok. A lot of his friends called him Jay, something about an old nickname from school, but that was it. Seokjin just went by Jin, Namjoon went by Joon, and Minho went by…well, Minho. None of their parents used American-Friendly names, and Seokjin’s father’s English was still poor even after living here for so long.

“Y/N,” Na-Yeon brought me back to the conversation. “What banchan do you like?”

“My eomeo-nim made these delicious, braised potatoes,” I answered, thinking back on our dinners together. “Kimchi, of course. My ex made the best braised lotus roots. They were always yummy.”

Na-Yeon seemed pleased by my answer. James and Eloise started rambling about their own favorites. Unlike Namjoon, Mr.Park was a big fan of seafood. He grew up in Busan near the Jagalchi Market, which, according to him, was the largest seafood market in South Korea. Eloise talked a little about her favorite Korean dishes before jumping into what she grew up eating. Her father was Scottish and her mother French, so one night she was eating Scottish Pie and daube niçoise the next. It was fun hearing more about Eloise. I would have never guessed she was a first generation American.

“It’s something Tony and I had in common,” She added. “He learned quite a bit of French before he died. Unfortunately, my Korean is taking much longer.”

“Mine isn’t that great either,” I admitted. “Namjoon’s family spoke English and never liked to make me feel awkward. I can follow a conversation fairly well, but only if you speak slowly.”

James laughed, “I will remember that.”

The front door opened, and I could hear loud talking. Eloise sighed. Whoever was with Jimin did not pass her inspection it would seem. She and James seemed to have a small conversation with their eyes. The men were still at the front of the house. Finally, Eloise looked away and scowled.

“Must have brought Milo and Tae over,” She muttered. “I’m going to go check on the twins.”

Eloise left the table. James told me to ignore her. She and Milo did not get along for whatever reason and she chose to ignore him. It was not my business, so I accepted that explanation.

I prepared myself for a bad interaction. So far, Eloise was such a quiet and sweet person I could not imagine anyone actively disliking her. Then again, this was Taehyung’s fiancé, and he was the nicest, most bubbly person I had ever met. It did not seem likely that he would hang around bad company. It could just be a case of personalities clashing.

“Annyeong,” Taehyung greeted us brightly, immediately finding me. “Babe, come say hi.”

A massive, pale man followed in behind him. Milo was a good-looking guy, bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, with a solid build. He reminded me of the male swimmers I worked with, his huge size and bulging muscles intimidating. His fashion sense was not as good as Taehyung’s. Ill-fitting black bottoms and a Rick and Morty t-shirt that made me want to roll my eyes. I was definitely biased, my loyalties already in Eloise’s corner. I did not need to know a backstory to be weary. The dude looked enough like Matthew Hamilton to make me dislike him just off principal.

“Milo, Y/N,” Taehyung introduced, gesturing between the two of us. Behind him, Jimin snuck into the kitchen and gave his mom a kiss on the cheek as a greeting. He looked nice in his gray tracksuit. “Y/N, this is my fiancé, Milo.”

I managed a disingenuous smile, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” He replied. His voice was smokey.

“Where’s Lou?” Jimin asked, coming around to greet his father.

“Checking on Harper and Cam,” James told him.

There was not enough room for all of us to sit at the table and I ended up giving up my seat to Na-Yeon. Jimin helped her set the table while I was put in charge of gathering Eloise and the kids. Walking down the hallway, I found the kids’ playroom and knocked.

“Dinner’s ready,” I announced, poking my head inside.

The room was bigger than I thought it would be. Each side was decorated in stereotypical boy and girl colors, Cameron’s bed and wall art a wide variety of blues and teals with dinosaur decals on the walls, while Harper’s was a mix up of baby pink and white. Her bed had more stuffed animals on it than I could count and all of them seem well loved. Their toys split the room in half, a large, circle rug in the middle of it all. Most of the toys were thrown on the floor and Eloise was telling them it was time for them to clean it up.

The children looked so cute in their little matching outfits. Harper’s black hair was braided down her back and the ribbon tied at the end of it matched her cream-colored overalls. Cam’s hair was on the longer side as well, falling to his shoulders with a slight wave. His bright red converse stuck out against the rather plain outfit he was wearing, and I had to assume he put up a fight behind them. Harper started to sing the Barney song as they cleaned.

“Feeling, okay?” I asked their mother. She was sitting in the chair on Harper’s side. “You ran off pretty quickly.”

She shook her head, “It’s nothing. We’ve never gotten along.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Do you want to eat here? I’ll sit with you.”

She smiled, “We can play nice, don’t worry. Thanks, though. I appreciate you asking.”

Dinner was as uneventful as Eloise said it would be. She and Milo greeted one another and then acted as if the other did not exist. I stood up to eat, Taehyung, Milo, and Jimin with me while the others sat down. Cam was excited to talk about school and Harper rambled on and on about her imaginary friend Butter Squash. They were both very sweet and it made me miss Dani. The last time I saw her was when we went skating the weekend before I left.

Taehyung was as talkative as ever. His touches also become bolder. By the time I left, he had an arm around my shoulders and his body pressed against my side. Milo was unbothered by our closeness. He and Jimin spoke the most and again the guy I knew when no one else was around seemingly vanished. This one was too put together, too closed off, and no one, and I mean no one, seemed to care. Every time he laughed half-heartedly or nodded along with whatever Milo was talking about, I felt more confused. Why was he so hot and cold all of the time?

During my drive back home, I tentatively attempted to listen to the radio. I only lasted around a minute or so before I switched it off. I needed silence. The Parks were such a lovely family, but tonight was too much. Between unpacking and Taehyung, I was drained. Hoseok had asked me to call him when I got home but I was going to wait. If it was important enough, he would call me himself.

I fell asleep as soon as my face hit the pillow, my medication making it a dreamless night.

The rest of the week was quiet. I called my friends back home to check in Thursday morning and was happy about Hoseok’s progress. The kids were really liking him, and he thought he may have a permanent job for next year if I decided to keep working with Jimin. I told him not to get his hopes up.

Jimin and I spoke through text daily. He was still going about his normal routine while I brainstormed training and scheduling. By Saturday I was ready to start testing out different ideas. We both seemed eager to get started, actually. Sunday, like I expected, was very quiet. That was his mom’s day, so I tried not to bother him. Violet and Calvin kept me company.

The Andersons were nice people. Violet was always coming to the back and inviting me to join them for breakfast, and her husband enjoyed asking me about my life. Calvin was far more personable than his wife was, but they managed to balance one another out. Sunday evening was the first time I noticed Calvin’s memory issues. He had no idea who I was. I came inside and Violet had to tell him I was their daughter Nancy’s babysitter. He was under the assumption that she was still 10. I left them alone when Violet asked me to pick her up from school. She came out back a few hours later to thank me for going along with everything, and I made sure that she had my phone number in case she needed me to help out if things got out of hand.

It was still dark outside when I left Monday morning. Jimin and I agreed to meet up at 6 am to start our day, but I wanted to get to the gym early. Time to set up and get myself in the right headspace was important to me.

The location he had sent me was more remote than I had originally anticipated. Jimin owned the little gym. It had been a swim school in the past and the place he had first learned he loved the water. He and his mom went to classes together when he was young. The place had been too expensive for the previous owners to keep up with and they were planning on selling it, but Jimin bought it off of them and converted it into a public gym/pool.

In our text exchanges he called it his retirement plan, but I was sure the place meant more to him than that. He had no interest in it until after the cancer diagnosis. If I was to over analyze it, I would say he was trying to hold onto a happy memory. This was their place before sickness and death ran through his family. I would imagine anyone would want to keep something that held so much sentimental value if they could.

Pulling into the parking lot, I was first struck by two things. One, it was open and there were people inside, and two, it was huge. Most of the building was nothing but windows giving me a great view of the muscled men inside. Bright fluorescent lights made my sensitive eyes hurt, and I could hear the faint sound of music coming from somewhere near the gym. The small group of men were together, all of them lifting and spotting each other while talking, and a sense of dread filled my belly.

I was always anxious when I went to a new place, but a new gym was a nightmare. I had bad experiences in the past. Overly friendly creeps who liked to stand around and watch me while I worked out. None of the guys inside gave off bad vibes, but I was still in my car and none of them laid their eyes on me. A woman in a gym was like a drop of blood in water. I had to hope they were not sharks.

Gathering courage, I grabbed my duffle and made my way inside. A pretty, dark-skinned, young woman was sitting at the receptionist desk, and I felt more at ease. If they left her alone then maybe they would not cause me too much trouble either. The music was louder inside, and I recognized the Ciara song. It was a great one for cardio. Fighting the urge to dance, I greeted the receptionist. She put down her magazine and gave me an award-winning grin. She had a nice, dimpled smile.

“Hi there,” She had a thick, Southern accent and I could not tell you where she might be from. I was awful at telling them apart. “Do you have your membership card?”

I laughed nervously, my grip on my bag tightening. “No. I’m here to train with Jimin Park. He said I should have something on file.”

She nodded, her smile unwavering as she looked at her computer and asked for my name.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” I replied, foot tapping along to the Lil Wayne song that came on. I had this one on my own workout playlist back in 2008. I could not help mumbling the words under my breath, “She-she-she lick me like a lollipop.”

“Found you,” The girl grabbed a few sheets of paper from a pile on her side of the desk. “Just fill these out for me and we’ll get your card printed. Your fees have been paid already so no need to worry about that.”

I nodded, half listening. This song was great. Why has it been so long since I last heard it? I went to the gym all the time. I needed to put it back on my playlist. Honestly, the entire Carter III needed to find its way back into my rotation.

“My name’s Giselle if you need anything,” The receptionist pointed to a cluster of chairs right at the front entrance. “You’re super early so Christian isn’t here yet, but I’ll give you the key to the pool room so you can do whatever you need before the boss gets in.”

I smiled at her, “Thank you, Giselle.”

“Anytime, ma’am.”

It took me a few minutes to fill the paperwork out and scan my ID, but Giselle made everything as quick as she could. One of the men working out had come by to ask for some wipes to clean off a few of the machines but left without anything more than a ‘good morning’ thrown in my direction. When we passed by the rest of them on the way to the pool house, we were completely ignored, so it was safe for me to say that they would not be a problem for me in the future. Creeps were never subtle about their creepiness.

“I have to double check with Christian, but I think I’m supposed to give you a spare key,” Giselle said, unlocking the pool. “I’m just going to be sure before I promise you anything. Don’t want to get fired.”

I could tell she was joking. Jimin did not strike me as the type of guy to fire anyone over something like that. It only made sense for me to have a spare key since we would be coming around so much, and I would feel bad about disrupting the staff whenever I needed to get inside. They did not get paid enough to deal with that on top of all of the rest of their duties.

“We keep it locked until 9,” Giselle continued, leading the way inside. “Then we close it back up at 5. Maintenance comes in every Tuesday to treat the water, so you’ll have to be out of here no later than 7. Boss man knows this already so you shouldn’t have any problems with that.”

The pool room was very bland and bare bones. The smell of chlorine hung heavily in the air while the lights around the pool walls illuminated the dark room. It was very big, and I itched to go for a quick dip. The coolness of the water would be nice against my skin. I had grown hot with nerves and gotten a little sweaty.

“We have a few other staff members that will be in around the same time the boss man comes in,” Giselle continued to give me the rundown. “I’m sure he’ll introduce you to everyone just in case you need anything. I’d say make nice with Yoongi first. He’s our in-house massage therapist.”

Pointing to a door on the far-left wall, Giselle let me know that was the pool locker room and the door right next to it was a shortcut to the back offices. Management, marketing, and facility supervisors were usually all back there and I would more than likely never see them. They were not the most social people and worked from home a lot. I could tell by Giselle’s voice that she did not particularly care for management.

“Drew should be here by now,” She checked her smart watch. “She’s the general manager. I’m going to go and grab her and see about that key. She might come back to say ‘hi’ but don’t hold your breath.”

I chuckled, “That bad?”

Giselle rolled her eyes, “Drew’s fine, but Dominic is usually following her around everywhere and he’s annoying. You’ll get what I mean if you ever see them together.”

I laughed, “I’ve had my fair share of weirdos. Thanks again. I appreciate you showing me around.”

She beamed, “It wasn’t a problem. You gave me a reason to get up from the desk, so I’d say it’s a win.”

We spoke for a few more minutes until a very large, bulky man popped his head in looking for her. His black t-shirt clung to him tightly and his shorts were a hideous neon pink color. He did have a nice smile, one that took up most of his face and teeth so white they looked fake. Giselle introduced me very quickly, and the man, Sam, turned out to be one of the personal trainers on staff.

“You’re the Olympian, right?” Sam asked. Jimin must really like people who talked a lot, because I had never met more outgoing people in my life before moving here. Everyone he surrounded himself with was just full of energy, and I wondered if it was purposeful. Jimin himself was a rather quiet and sad person. “Jimin talks about you all the time.”

I laughed awkwardly, face heating, “That’s me.”

“Sick,” Suddenly an image of Sam surfing in California flashed through my mind. He just seemed like the type. “Well, I have to go and help out a client, but it was nice meeting you. Gigi, can you go back up front before Drew pitches a fit?”

Giselle sighed heavily, “Tell her I’m coming,” Looking at me she asked if I was okay on my own. “Come and get me if you need anything, okay?”

After assuring her that I was fine, Giselle left behind Sam. The two of them bickered like an old married couple, and I wondered about their relationship. He did call her a little nickname. I shook my head. Regardless, I had other things I needed to take care of before I could get lost in thought about two strangers.

Unpacking my duffle, I threw on my whistle and stopwatch before getting to work on my schedule. I had brought a lot of my personal swimming gear with me like training bands, coach communicator, and forearm fulcrum. Back in the day, I was the brand ambassador for Finis, so I had a lot of their products. The tracksuit I was wearing was from Speedo, and I had so much of their stuff for the same reason. Being a famous swimmer had its perks.

I had planned on doing a lot of drill and some short-burst efforts with Jimin. He had been without a PT for a few weeks now, and while I trusted him to stay in shape, it was no secret someone would be performing less on their own than with guidance. I did not want to over work him when he was, for all intents and purposes, been on a vacation. So, while I wanted to rush head-first into training, I would try to ease into things a bit before going full asshole on the kid. Like Victor would say, “Three times a week for three weeks.” After that, he was going to be at my mercy.

It was just past 6 when Jimin walked into the pool room. I was flipping through my training plan for the day and humming along to the music blasting through the speakers, echoing off the walls. Whoever was in charge of the playlist had a thing for the early 2000s.

“Morning,” His soft voice brought a smile to my face. He sounded tired. “What do you think about the place?”

Stealing a look at him, I had to hold back the gasp that I wanted to let out. He was wearing a black tank top and shorts giving me a great look at his skin. Embarrassed by my reaction, I internally scolded myself. I needed to get over this crush already. I was about to see a lot more of his body once he went to the back to change. I bit my lip. I had no idea how I was going to deal with him in a speedo.

“It’s very nice,” I was happy with how nonchalant I sounded. “Wasn’t expecting it to be so big.”

I wonder what else is big… I nibbled on the inside of my cheek. I really needed to get my mind out of the gutter. Scratch that- I should have dealt with this problem the second I realized it was there. I was going to force myself to call Hoseok today. He would know what to do, and if not, at least I could vent a little.

“Sleep okay?”

I jumped out of my ever-degrading thoughts.

“Yeah,” I sniffed. “Had fun with your mom? I wanted to give you two some space, so I stayed to myself.”

He smiled and I melted. Yeah, this needed to stop. I was too grown to be acting like this around a man.

“I appreciate it. We missed you at dinner, though. My dad kept complaining that things were quiet now.”

I chuckled, “Eloise and the kids not loud enough?”

He shook his head, “She didn’t come over.”

He tossed his sports bag next to mine and pulled out his swim gear. I caught a flash of his speedo and quickly looked away. The visuals going through my mind were distracting enough.

“Do you want to go over everything before I get changed?” Asked Jimin.

I shook my head, “No, go ahead. It’s going to be a chill day.”

“You got it, coach.”

I did not breathe until I heard the locker room door slam shut. Tossing my clipboard onto my bag, I roughly rubbed my face. I needed to pull myself together.

My attraction was easy to ignore and forget about when he was not in my face, but the second I got my eyes on him it was all I could focus on. I was awkward and fumbling all over the place whenever he was around. I focused on him far too much, far more than I should be due to our relationship, and it was driving me insane. I needed to take a breather, but I did not have enough time and I did not want to make him worried. Jimin seemed like the type of person who would become consumed by anxiety if he thought I was upset with him in any way. No, I would have to suck it up and get through this training session like an adult.

The locker room door opened. Jimin’s bare feet were loud against the gray, stone floor. I refused to look at him. I wasn’t ready yet. Bending over, I grabbed the clipboard and cleared my throat. I was hoping to get him in the water first, and then I could safely conduct myself in a professional way. The less skin I had to see at a time the better. I pointed at the pool.

“Like I said, it’s going to be an easy day,” He was walking away from me, and I felt the tightness in my chest lighten. “You’ve been without a trainer for a bit, and I’m not sure how intense your workouts have been since. Your warmup is just 10 minutes of easy swimming, and then we’ll go over our main set.”

I heard him get into the water with a splash and relaxed. I could handle him in the water. No one looked good with those stupid goggles on. I walked to the edge of the pool, clipboard in my hand, and stole a quick look.

As suspected, he did not look as potent like this. His hair was hidden beneath a red and white cap, and blue goggles obstructed most of his face. It was impossible to make out most of his body as he glided through the water, but I got a great look at his arms. He was more muscular than I gave him credit for. He was smaller and more lean than other swimmers, but I could see why he was able to dominate.

He was very fast, but I could already tell he was pushing harder than I wanted him to. Blowing my whistle, I let him know I only wanted him swimming at 80% effort. Jimin pulled a face and lifted his goggles up. Now that he was stagnant, I got a clear look at his chest and swallowed thickly. He needed to start moving or else I might have a heart attack.

“Why?” He was incredulous.

“Like I said, I don’t want you to overwork yourself. You’ve been on a vacation for four weeks now and we need to work our way back up to more intensive sets. It’ll only be for a couple of weeks.”

He pushed back again, “I’ve been coming here every day for hours. I think I’m fine.”

I shook my head, “I’m not trying to be a dick, and I’m not calling you a liar, but I am skeptical of the quality of the training.”

“But-”

“I haven’t been here to see your routine,” I cut him off before whatever smart ass comment he was planning to say could even come out. Jimin’s annoyance was plain as day, and I was not about to put up with a tantrum. “I’m known for being a hard ass, and I’m going to push you harder than you’ve ever been pushed before. You can ask Coach Bunch about me if you want. I will make sure you’re in the best shape of your life this year, but not at the expense of getting you injured.”

He took a deep breath before responding, “With all due respect, I’ve been putting in a lot of work by myself. I don’t think I need kid gloves.”

I smirked, cocking my head to the side. “Is that what you think this is?”

“Isn’t it?” He shrugged, pouting.

He was cute when he was mad.

“Humor me,” I replied. “We do things my way for the week and if I think you’re good to go by Friday then we’ll get back to normal training. How does that sound?”

Jimin thought for a moment before smiling at me.

“I can live with that.”

I chuckled, “Good to know. Now, put your goggles back on and finish your warmup. We’re wasting time arguing.”

As I suspected, once we started our drills, he did not perform up to the standards I had for him. Even at 75% what he was capable of, I could already see the areas he needed to work on. His butterflies were beautiful, but I could pick apart his breast and back strokes. I was happy with his free swim at the end, and I was going to start there the next session. I was hoping by starting off with compliments that we could become more comfortable with one another before I had to get serious. Those breast strokes would drive me insane until he could execute them perfectly every time.

“How am I doing?” Jimin asked during a cool down, doing a few laps before we started our drills again. “I know my breast strokes aren’t that great. I’ve always struggled with them.”

At least he was self-aware, I thought.

“We definitely have stuff to work on,” I replied. “Don’t worry too much about that right now. We can start talking about it more next week.”

He sighed, annoyed, and I laughed. He was very grumpy when it came to his swimming. Not wanting to upset him again, I decided to give him something.

“I would like to watch you swim a bit more and make a plan before giving you my opinion. My coach used to do that with me, and I found it helpful.”

We trained until eight-thirty, and I looked over my notes while Jimin cooled down. We did not talk as much as I would have liked, but it was probably for the best. His body was distracting, and I did not think I was doing a very good job at hiding my reactions to him. He did not seem to notice, or he was simply sparing my feelings, either way he was happy to keep relatively quiet. We only talked about training while he was in the water, and I was grateful he was maintaining his professionalism.

“When will we be back again?” Jimin asked, his last few minutes running down on the timer. “You said Wednesday, right?”

I nodded absentmindedly, in my own little world as I flipped through my notes. I had more than I thought I would have, all of them having to do with fixing his form and how we could go about it. New exercises, grueling training days, and a few new tools that I was not sure he had ever used before, would mold him into a swimmer I would glow with pride over. Park had always been a talented man, but I wanted to see if we could reach for something more. Something bigger and better than he could have imagined. I wanted to make Matthew fucking Hamilton look like the incompetent bastard I knew him to be.

“We’re done for the day,” I sighed, clicking the alarm off. “Do you want me to come for your night swim?”

Jimin ripped the goggles off, rubbing his eyes and already going to release his cap. I bit down on the inside of my mouth. He was so pretty and soft, and the way his muscles flexed as he swam to the edge of the pool made my stomach flutter. I looked away before he hoisted himself out of the water. I did not need that image floating around in my already depraved head.

“You can come if you want,” He replied casually. “I’m mostly hitting the gym when I’m here in the evenings. I only take a dip for thirty minutes and leave.”

I hummed, fighting the urge to look at his body. I focused instead on my breathing and writing down what he had just said. I did not want to forget that. It might be useful for me in the future. If we could exercise together, it would give me an opportunity to guide him through some of my favorite tricks to help with swimming.

“Will someone else be with you?”

“Probably Jungkook and Darcy. They’re my usual gym buddies when Milo is working.”

“Darcy’s his girlfriend, right?” I wanted to see if my hunch from the other night was right.

“Yeah. They’ve been going out for a couple of years now. She’s alright. Not as shy as you.”

I snorted, “You think I’m shy?”

Then I made a critical mistake. Looking over at Jimin, I nearly choked on my own spit. His skin was perfectly smooth, not a blemish in sight, and cream-colored. His body was just as pretty as his face, smooth abs and a tiny waist that led to toned and thick thighs. The tiny scrap of red fabric covering his private area did not stop my eyes from glancing. I looked away before I started to stare.

Hoseok was going to have a field day with this.

“I know you are,” He teased, his voice so soft and sweet. I briefly wondered what he would sound like in bed. I fought desperately to rid myself of that imagery. This could not be happening right now. “You’re so shy you can’t even look at me right now.”

His cocky attitude should have annoyed me, but instead it only further fueled my lust. Every time I had seen this man, he gave me such tonal whiplash it was beginning to drive me insane. First it was this innocent little angel facade that quickly became sarcastic and witty when he decided he could play around without me getting angry. Then it was the whole sad puppy thing he had going on for the last week. Now here he was, practically naked and getting riled up over me telling him what to do, and puffing his chest with confidence I never thought he was capable of. It would have pissed me off if I did not find him ridiculously attractive.

“Go get dressed, Park,” My voice was clipped and too harsh. I winced and quickly worked to soften the blow. Getting defensive only made me look worse. “We can get breakfast if you’re not busy. My treat.”

“Sure, coach.”

When I heard the locker room close, I let out a deep sigh. My sexual frustration was getting in the way of my work, and I hated it. Pulling my phone from my back pocket, I sent Hoseok a text.

Me: I think I’m crushing on Park

Me: Help me get rid of it

The reply did not come until I was done packing up my things. The workout stuff I had brought with me had been useless today, but I was afraid of forgetting where they were the next time I might need them, so they never left the bag. My phone vibrated just as I was done zipping up my bag. I could hear the shower in the locker room and clenched my thighs together. I was still thinking of how pretty his belly was, the tattoo on his ribs pitch-black against his pale skin, and how solid his calves looked. I unlocked my phone and nearly cried laughing when I saw the response.

Hobi: HAHAHAHA

Hobi: Sex is always the answer

Hobi: Never thought I’d see the day you became a cougar

I have no idea why I thought he would be any help. So, I licked my wounds and messaged Andy (like I should have done in the first place) and knew whatever she had to say would be far more helpful than my stupid best friend’s word of “advice.” I just had to hope it would be enough to make all of these feelings stop.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[sc0tters]

Lost Time | Luke Hughes

summary: you visit New Jersey for spring break giving Luke a moment to show you just how much he’s missed you.

request: yes/no

warnings: mature themes, oral (fem receiving!)

word count: 1.25k

authors note: I actually got the general basis of this piece when I took a nap. This request has been collecting dust in the inbox so I figured it was about time I actually wrote it!

It had been a month since you'd last seen him.

Luke had moved to New Jersey thus leaving you alone in Michigan. Sure you missed your boyfriend like crazy, but you were also proud of him for living his dream.

But the waiting was all made worth it when you knocked on the door of Jacks apartment "did you seriously order breakfast this early?" Luke complained as he had been sent to answer the door.

The youngest Hughes boy had just woken up and couldn't understand why his brother wasn't capable of doing it instead "just go grab it." Jack huffed as he wanted to just go out and tell him what the big surprise was.

Jack and you had been planning to surprise Luke since your boyfriend moved to the garden state "hey-" Luke huffed as he opened the door to see you.

Your smile was as big as the Cheshire cats "hi baby," you dropped your bag as the boy wrapped his arms around your waist.

It was safe to say that Luke couldn't believe it "what are you doing here?" He asked as he spun you around.

You let out a laugh "came to see you," you explained as you pecked his lips.

Both of you were reminded of the fact that you were not alone when Jack gagged “nice to see you too Jacky,” you smiled as you sent the older boy a salute.

The middle Hughes boy gave you a side hug as he gave his brother a look telling him to behave “I’m going to give you two some privacy,” he announced as he grabbed his keys.

A year ago Jack walked in on you two making out in Luke’s room at the lake house. Safe to say that he’s still scared by that sight.

Luke still couldn’t process the fact that you were there “fuck I missed you so much.” He confessed as he kissed your temple.

Jack turned his face into a scowl “let me just leave before you two make me an uncle,” he pointed out as he patted your shoulder “so does that mean that we’ve got the green light?” You joked as you looked at Luke when you playfully slapped his ass.

This is what being with Luke for five years got you, you were comfortable with his family.

It caused Jack to laugh “just text me when you two are done,” with that Jack shut the front door behind him.

You turned to Luke with a smirk “want to show me how much you missed me?” Sure you wanted to catch up with your boyfriend, but you were honestly a little bit more tired of the failed attempts of getting yourself off that your hand had dealt you.

Luke let out a low laugh “there’s my blunt little girl,” he smiled as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

He hooked his fingers under your jaw as he gave himself a moment to let himself kiss you on a more intimate level than the peck you had outside the apartment.

The couple made their way to his bedroom giving you the first chance to see his bedroom in real life “got the space for you right here,” Luke explained as he pointed to the vanity that had been set up “just for me,” you giggled as you spun around to look at him.

It was a look that made Luke weak in the knees every time he saw you like that “got a new one for you,” you confessed as you pulled the hoodie that you were wearing that happened to be his hoodie over your head as you revealed the red bra that you had bought when you went shopping with friends.

He almost tripped over his own two feet as he reached out to feel the lacey fabric that currently cupped your breasts “I can’t get enough of you.” Luke confessed as he let his fingers run over the top of the details.

The boy pulled you closer to him knocking you onto his bed “wanna feel you inside of me,” you blurted out as you ran your fingers through his hair.

You giggled when the hockey player watched you shimmy out of your shorts “my baby is already so wet,” he groaned when he undid the tie on his shorts “only for you.” You cooed reaching into his drawer to grab a condom where he usually left them “I don’t have any,” Luke announced as he realised that he hadn’t bought new condoms since he moved to New Jersey.

It was like the world was against you two “I wanna eat you out,” he added as the thought of going down on you was something that had been replaying in his mind “you sure?” You asked as you looked down to his boner “we can get condoms later.” There was a walgreens just down the road from the apartment so it was no surprise that the couple would go down there before the end of your trip.

Luke dropped to his knees as he leaned in to kiss you “been waiting for this all month.” The hockey player mumbled as he kissed you before he made his way down to your thighs.

There was this thing that Luke did with his eyes as he look at you when his mouth hovered over your core. It was like his way of making sure that you knew he was the one pleasuring you “fucking hell,” you groaned as your hand went to the boys hair.

Luke was always really good when it came to eating you out and he reminded you of that as he swirled his tongue around your clit.

The hockey player thrusted his hips into his mattress at the blissful sounds that fell from your lips “so good,” you had to admit that the slurping noises from the boy were actually turning you on more.

As a result your thighs began to move into Luke’s head “want you to spread your legs a little wider for me.” Luke cooed as he slipped his finger into your core when he looked up at you.

You nodded grabbing a fistful of the bedsheet beneath you as you listened to his request “good girl,” the boys praise knocked your head back as you swore you were on cloud nine.

Luke laughed as he kissed your thigh before he went back to your clit “so sweet,” he mumbled as he let his tongue lay flat against you.

That was the thing you were never going to get tired of, Luke’s sheer ability to make you get as close as he could, especially with only his tongue and his fingers “I’m gonna come,” you blurted out as you clenched around his fingers.

It made Luke smirked as he changed his movements back to sucking “fuck shit,” you gasped as your eyes screwed shut.

Your body shuddered as you came “Lukey,” you shook your head as you tried to pull away from him as he didn’t let up from his tongues movements.

Eventually Luke got the hint as he pulled away and made his way to your side “my girl tastes so good,” he looked chuffed with himself as he kissed you.

The front door opened causing your eyes to go wide “just forgot my wallet!” Jack called out as he ran to his room to grab his cards.

Maybe it’s a good thing Luke didn’t have any condoms.

[babydollmarauders]

SPARKS FLY — ETHAN EDWARDS

ethan edwards x fem!hughes!reader

part of the Speak Now Fic List

summary: in which Ethan spends 4th of July at the Hughes lake house and becomes enamored with y/n Hughes

specific lyrics: “you’re the kind of reckless that should send me runnin’ but i kinda know that i won’t get far.” and “you stood there in front of me, just close enough to touch. close enough to hope you couldn’t see what i was thinking of.” and “i see sparks fly whenever you smile.” and “get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down.” and “my mind forgets to remind me, you’re a bad idea.” and “lead me up the staircase, won’t you whisper soft and slow? ‘i’m captivated by you, baby; like a firework show.’”

notes: happy 21st birthday to my bestie, ethan!! i’m so sorry this is so late, i just wrote all of this in like 2 hours and it’s not proofread, so sorry if it sucks.

“Luke! put me down!” my screeches prove futile when my twin looks down at me with a wicked grin.

“down? okay!”

before i can argue that whatever he’s planning isn’t what i meant, i’m dropped from the dock and into the cold lake water. my body stiffens at the feeling and i gasp before my head is submerged under the water.

i kick my legs and rise to the surface, gulping in throat-fulls of air as i smooth my hair out of my face, glaring up at my brothers and their friends as they laugh.

“you’re gonna pay for that.” i tell Luke, holding my hand up in waiting for him to help me back onto the dock. Luke takes a step back, eyeing me with caution. “really? you won’t even help me up?”

“i’ll help you.” i look over just in time to see Ethan step over to the edge. slipping his hand in mine, he pulls me up, helping me onto the wooden dock. i can’t help but let my eyes wander as i rise to my feet, mere inches from him.

god, he looks good shirtless.

shit, y/n, stop thinking like that.

i avert my eyes, rather focusing on the shivering of my body from the summer breeze hitting my wet skin.

“i’m, uh— i’m gonna go see if mom needs any help.” i tell the guys, awkwardly turning away and jogging up the path to the back deck. my father man’s the grill, flipping hamburgers, while my mother sits at the patio table, cutting up a couple watermelons.

“what on earth happened to you?” my dad chuckles, flipping a burger. i scoff, rolling my eyes. “i thought you were just tanning?”

“i was. and then your son happened.” i tell him, flopping down into a chair across from my mother who finally looks up to see me in my dripping state.

“gotta be more specific than that, honey.” she laughs. “we do have three of them.”

“the one i’m cursed to share 50 percent of my genes with.” i huff.

“ahh, yes, that one.” she muses, chopping into the last piece of watermelon before handing me a triangle. “what did he do this time?”

“he dropped me in the lake.” i say through a mouthful of fruit.

“why?” my dad chimes in, finally shutting the grill and taking a seat next to his wife.

“cause he’s insufferable? i don’t know.” i raise an eyebrow. “does he need a reason?”

“guess not.” he shrugs. i take another bite of watermelon, juice dripping down my chin. “but here they all come.”

my dad raises his chin to motion behind me and i turn my head to glance back, making direct eye contact with Ethan, who walks between Luke and Dylan.

my head snaps forward and i wipe the back of my hand across my chin, cleaning the watermelon juice off my skin. looking over at my mother, a smirk and a raised brow adorn her face.

“you sure that’s a good idea, honey?” despite her cocky expression, her tone is soft and gentle, careful not to hurt my feelings with her words.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” i feign obliviousness, grabbing a beach towel off the stack on the table before the boys can take them all. i wrap the University of Michigan towel around my shoulders, using one end to scrunch the water out of my hair.

“i saw that look, and the way you reacted to it.” my mom reaches across the table, laying a gentle hand on my forearm. “just be careful. make sure you know what you’re doing, because if Luke finds out you like one of his friends…”

“yeah, i know.” i sigh. how could i ever forget Luke’s ‘friends are off limits’ rule?

before either of us can speak again, i feel a set of hands come down on my shoulders, making me jolt in surprise.

Jack’s laugh bellows in my ears, my eyes rolling in annoyance as he finds hilarity in my surprise.

i watch as the guys pile onto the porch deck, grabbing towels from the stack and drying off to prepare for dinner. my parents make themselves scarce, heading inside to collect dinner necessities.

i’m pulled out of my thoughts when Ethan drops into the chair across from me, stealing a piece of watermelon from the bowl.

“maize and blue looks good on you.” he whispers, sending a wink in my direction before he gets pulled back into a conversation with Dylan, who takes the spot beside him.

blood rushes to my cheeks as i glance down at the towel draped over my shoulders, the colors in perfect contrast to my skin.

“y/n, honey?” i look up at my mother who stands at the head of the table.

“hmm? yeah?”

“could you run in and grab the pasta salad out of the fridge?” she asks me, sharing a knowing smile.

“coming right up.” i rise from my seat, dropping the towel back onto the chair so that my brothers, or even trevor, don’t take my spot while i’m gone.

i make my way into the house, pushing open the sliding glass door and rounding the corner into the kitchen. opening the refrigerator, i retrieve the large mixing bowl of pasta as well as a bottle of water, before closing the door.

i jump in surprise, as Ethan now stands leaning against the counter behind the refrigerator door, almost dropping the bowl.

“sorry! i didn’t mean to scare you!” he chuckles, a twinge of red coating his cheeks as he rubs at the back of his neck.

the sunset washes in from the window behind him, radiating him with a golden glow and i can’t help but notice the golden flecks in his green eyes. he looks so ethereal that my knees nearly go weak when i see him at full. water drips from his hair, dropping onto his bare chest and down his abs, and i’m only so strong, my eyes follow the droplets on their path, my lips parted as i take a deep inhale.

“uh- no- you’re uh- you’re good.” i tell him, finally pulling my line of sight back up to his face, where a cocky smirk is now placed.

“Luke sent me in to get the fireworks from the closet? but i don’t know what closet they’re in.” he replies. “there’s like 3 of them down here.”

i laugh, using my water bottle to point towards the closet underneath the stairs.

“they’re in there.” i inform him. “are we doing them after dinner?”

“yeah. i think it was like an unspoken vote? dinner, then fireworks, then bonfire.” he says, heading over to the closet and pulling out the large rubbermaid tub of fireworks. “jesus, do we really need all these?”

“it’s fourth of july, go big or go home, right?” i shrug, finally stepping back toward the glass door. “you haven’t experienced beauty until you’ve seen a Hughes fourth of july firework show.”

i turn toward the open glass door, making my way back out, but not before i hear him mutter to himself-

“pretty sure i experienced beauty the moment i saw you.”

my cheeks burn and i wonder if he meant for me to hear that or if he thought i wouldn’t, but regardless, the words make my heart race.

**

i sit back in my chair, watching on as Jack, Luke, and their friends light the fireworks before sprinting away to watch them light up the sky.

Luke, Dylan, and Mark hype Ethan up as he sets fire to the end of the fuse and jumps over the firework; waiting until just before the firework is about to go off in order to come running back up to the grassy patch where everyone sits. i roll my eyes at his recklessness, wondering just how stupid guys can be.

the reckless abandon in which he does things should have me running for the hills. i’ve never before been so enamored with a guy who does stupid things like these. and yet, just by looking at him, i know that i’m too far in now. the crush i’ve held for him for the past two years has blossomed into something more.

he smiles at my twin and his friends as they shake him and shout, hyping his stupid actions, and it’s like sparks fly when i see the beaming look on his face. and coincidentally, in that moment, purple fireworks light up the sky, shooting in every direction.

“i know that look.” i look over at my eldest brother, furrowing my brows at his words.

“what?” he rolls his eyes at my response, giving me a soft smile.

“don’t ‘what?’ me, y/n. i know that look. it’s the same look you used to give Matthew when he would come pick Brady up from the lake house when you were like, eleven.”

i laugh at his comparison. no longer embarrassed of the past crush i held on the older Tkachuk.

“and how would that look?” i ask him.

“like this.” Quinn attempts a faraway look in his eyes, batting his lashes and holding his folded hands up to his cheek.

“you asshole!” i giggle, pushing at his shoulder. “i don’t look like that! i have never done that!”

“okay, maybe not like that.” he relents, chuckling. “but you have that look of admiration and love. and i know what Luke says but… i say go for it.”

“what?” i’m shocked by his words, not used to being told anything other than ‘be careful’ and ‘you know Luke’s rule’.

“if you really think there’s something there? go for it. Luke will get over it. i promise.” he assures me, a soft smile on his face as he reaches out to hold my hand.

“but, just in case, i’d say maybe don’t tell Luke right away.” he tells me, pressing a peck to the back of my hand before he drops it, rising from his seat. “and here comes lover boy now.”

Quinn wiggles his eyebrows as he walks away, one hand gripping his beer as the other waves over to Jack and company.

i look over just in time to see Ethan, coming to a stop in front of me.

“Luke wants his Team USA hoodie.” he tells me. “he says you have it in your room.”

“oh, yeah, i have that. i’ll get it.” i stand from my seat, walking towards the lake house with Ethan following behind me. once we reach the porch deck, he jogs in front of me, opening the sliding door and letting me walk through first before he closes it again and fast walks towards the stairs, leading me up to my room.

he glances behind him every few seconds, as though making sure i’m still behind him, and i blush under his gaze.

finally reaching my bedroom, i open the door, letting him follow me in as i retrieve the USA Hockey hoodie off of my desk chair.

“here you go.” i spin around, ready to hold it out to him, but he’s already right behind me, a mere foot away.

“i lied.” he confesses, pushing the hoodie away.

“oh-”

“i just really wanted to talk to you alone. and i saw you wearing the hoodie yesterday, so i knew you had it and-”

“you don’t have to explain yourself.” i cut off his ramble, butterflies erupting in my stomach at the thought of him wanting to be alone with me.

“i don’t?” he furrows his brows as i throw the no-longer-needed hoodie onto my bed. i shake my head in response.

“no. i wanted to be alone with you too.” i admit, taking a step closer.

“oh, good! so i wasn’t reading you wrong? ‘cause if i was, you can just tell me to fuck off, i promise i won’t be hurt. i mean, okay maybe a little, but-”

“Ethan?” i chime in, stopping him from his nervous ranting.

“yeah?” he takes a step forward, leaving us close enough to touch.

“just kiss me, please?” at my words, he lets out a relieved sigh, nodding his head.

his hands come up to cup my face, pulling my lips to his in a quick but steady motion. our lips connect, his soft and tasting of the watermelon we were all snacking on as the fireworks went off. my hands snake around his neck, raking through the hair at the nape of it. i can feel him shiver as my nails lightly scratch against his scalp, and i smile into the kiss at the effect i’ve proven to have on him.

he pulls away, both of us sucking in a lungful of fresh air before he speaks-

“i’m captivated by you, baby; like a firework show.”

[thewritingofspencerrose]

Midterm Madness

Luke Hughes x OC

"Babe?" His rough, sleep-filled voice mumbles, rolling over in our bed. "What are you doing up?"

"Oh God, did I wake you?" I answer instead, dulling the screen of my laptop that sits in front of me. "I've been trying so hard to type quietly." Okay, that wasn't the answer Lu was looking for, based on how adorably confused he is right now, curls everywhere.

"It's- two in the morning Baby, why aren't you asleep?" He tries again, pulling the textbook off my lap, "And what is this?"

"I have a midterm in the morning, I was just studying now since I didn't have a chance to today at the hospital and then I got home with barely enough time to make dinner before you and Ja -"

"I wish you would have told me Baby," He interrupts, rolling on top of me and preventing any further studying. "I don't want you to feel like you have to cook for the Jack and I when you spend the night here, especially after a shift or on an exam night."

"But I enjoy it, it's like sitting down to family dinner and I don't get those when I go home," I can't help but remind, because it's the truth. He was there during my parents divorce last year when my sister left for school and made them an empty nester. He knows what was lost, and the Hughes family did their best to fill it in.

"How can I help with..." Are the next words out of his mouth, his strong arms pulling my back into his chest, holding the textbook in his hands as if he were reading. "Biochemical reactions?"

"I appreciate your efforts baby but you have practice tomorrow, and-"

"And nothing. Come on, if you're up, I'm up, and we're going to overnight this like when we were in Michigan," He demands, moving from the bed and taking all of his warmth with him. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, he tosses me his hoodie, my favorite one, and holds out his hand, taking my books and computer from me. "We're going to make some tea, settle down at the dining table, and get this shit done, okay?"

"Okay, I can agree to these terms," I can't help but agree, seeing the soft smile he's using on me, pulling his sweatshirt over my head and throwing my hair up. "We've got this."

"Hell yeah we do," Lu assures, leaving me to follow him as he exits his room, sprawling all of my things across the table, only pausing when another male voice interrupts the silence of the room from the couch.

"Moose? Mayday?" Jack's voice is the one to call, his head ducking up over the back of the couch, game controller in hand and brows in the sky. "What are you two doing up?"

"Mae has a midterm in the morning so we're going to study for it," Lu answers, turning to me, "Want to grab the snacks and drinks? You need fuel if we're going to survive this."

"Yes sir," I answer with a mock salute, wandering away with the boys chattering in the back ground. It's on my return that I pause, seeing both boys sitting at the table with their noses in my textbook. "Boys?"

"Can't have my future sister-in-law bombing an exam now can I? Who else is going to patch me up when I get into another fight?" And while it's a joke, you can see in his body language how much he does care.

"What fight? I thought that brawl with Aho wasn't a fight?" I can't help but chirp, his eyes rolling and Luke laughs, pulling me down to sit next to him, his lips meeting my forehead.

"Yeah, you think you're so funny Doc, now tell me, what's the golgi apparatus?"

[rafeandonlyrafe]

second chance

words: 800

“y/n?” your name brings your nose out of your book, popping your head up to scan the beach, seeing who might have called your name. your eyes stop on a familiar face.

“rafe?” you are surprised to see him for sure. it’s been almost three years. you set your book down on your towel, standing up to meet him halfway. “hey.” you’re not sure if he’s okay with it, but you can’t resist it, you throw your arms around his shoulders in a hug.

you’re relieved when he hugs back. “hey.” he pulls away, taking a good look at your face, giving you time to study his. he’s matured a lot since you last saw him, and he looks more like a man now than the boy that you had a summer fling with.

“how have you been?” you ask. you assume he still lives here in the outer banks, but maybe he’s just home for college. you haven’t had any contact since you left.

“good, good.” he nods, “just helping my dad with the business.” “oh, nice.” you nod. you don’t have many memories of his dad other than that he intimidated you. “i’m back here on vacation, obviously.” 

“yeah, i looked for you the past two summers but…”

you duck your head in embarrassment. “we went to um, florida instead.” you’re from michigan, but you spend all summer with your dad, wherever he feels like going that year. it’s always been like that since your parents divorced.

rafe is about to respond when a petite brunette stalks up to you, flinging sand with her stomps. she looks pissed at rafe, and your stomach instantly drops when you realize what was going on.

“rafe, who is this? did you forget you’re supposed to go swimming with your girlfriend?” she asks.

“oh, i’m just an old friend. we were done talking anyways. see you later rafe.” you wave and return to your towel, not wanting to get him in trouble with his girl, even as he sends you multiple glances as he heads towards the water.

--

you aren’t surprised by the knock on your door later that day. you take a deep breath before opening it. “hey rafe.” “can i come in?” he asks. you nod, letting him into your dads rental home, not that he’s ever actually here. since you turned 16 he took his summers with you as an excuse to let you do whatever you want while he does the same. 

you follow him towards the living room, rafe remembering the way from when he spent all of the rainy days that summer inside with you. “i’ve missed you.” he says, sitting down on the couch.

you join him, but put a cushion of space in between you. “missed you too.”

“why didn’t you say goodbye?” rafe asks, hurt flashing over his face before he gets control of his emotions again.

“i just…” you wring your hands out. “it was just a summer fling, right?” you let out a laugh that sounds fake even to your ears.

“was that what it was to you?” rafe asks. when you don’t answer rafe closes the distance, moving closer and taking your hand in his. “because that’s not what it was to me.” “i’m sorry.” you whisper. “i just thought it would be less painful. since we never would have worked.” “why?” rafe presses, “why wouldn’t we have worked?” “because i left to go back to michigan, and we were kids, long distance wouldn’t have worked.”

“i would have been willing to try for you.” rafe says, and it’s all too much. you stand up, needing to put some distance between you again.

“you have a girlfriend.” you remind rafe.

“she means nothing to me.” rafe says, and you snap your head to him.

“you can’t say that.” 

“i can if its true. i broke up with her before coming over. i want to try to make this work, please.”

“i’ll just have to leave again at the end of the summer.”

“but you don’t, do you? you’re an adult, you can choose where you live.” it’s crazy. you can’t just move across the summer for a guy you had a brief romance with three years ago. but for once in your life, you feel like indulging in the craziness.

“kiss me.”

rafe looks up at your words. he didn’t expect them, but he moves quickly once they process, cupping his hand around your face as your lips connect, gentle at first before he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you into his body, deepening the kiss.

you pull away with a smile, having missed the feeling of rightness when you kiss rafe. 

“i don’t know what our future looks like, but i’m willing to take this chance with you.”

[bajablastflavoredsaxreed]

CLIVESDALE?!

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING CLIVESDALE GOD DAMN FOOLS BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEADS IDIOTS MEMBERS OF THE CHURCH OF STARRY CHILDREN

BIGGEST CLOWNS IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF MICHIGAN CHEMISTS MOTHERFUCKING CLIVESDALE

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT CLIVESDALE I HATE IT SO MUCH WHY DOES IT HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP BOOKS WHY DID IT DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT

JUST SET THEM LOOSE

IS IT DESTROYED?

ARE THEY TIME BASTARDS?

TOWN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE AREA NEVER SEEN THIS PLACE’S BUILDINGS AND I KNOW IT HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST ARCHITECTURE GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said clivesdale is waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with clivesdale making one appearance on stage in theatre not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when it is amentioned or alive 

i dont even know why i hate it so much. it is a town but i am just mad because i am angy

it better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if its just some rich shitheads who are fans of creepypasta and wanted the irl version ill go ham

the mayor BETTER have had the black book make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingHateClivesdale

musical’s not even about it. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be its football team and I lost it 

where the fuck is clivesdale if its still around im going to so deeply wish it wasnt

crusty old town

ill punch clivesdale and its sad frail old town twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and it will disintegrate until all thats left is one final book it kept in it at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish

im not breathing i am hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when clivesdale is destroyed or will be destroyed so i can get make it a reminder on my phone 

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the town who had so many fucked up if true citizens

[safarisaythings]

I haven't touched this blog in *checks time* awhile, but I have headcanons. Specifically, animal headcanons because I'm autistic and animals are my everything.

Specific states have animal like features due to their state nicknames

-Loui has pelican wings since he is the pelican state

-Michigan has wolverine ears, tail, and claws since he's the wolverine state

-Iowa has red-tailed hawk wings because (GO HAWKS and ik he's the "hawkeye" state but let me have this, iowa needs more cool shit)

-Wisconsin has badger ears, tail, claws, and blank and white stripes in his hair

-Oregon has beaver ears and slightly larger front teeth and he may or may not have a beaver tail (he does but hid it at first because he was self conscious but then realized he can smack California with it one day and now he only hides it when he's around more than just the west)

-Utah has little bee wings and very small antenna that he hides under his hair (and Colorado swears he saw he also has a stinger but no one believes him or questions why he knows)

-Ohio may or may not have deer ears and a tail (to this day this has never been confirmed but there have been many attempts by many states to figure this out)

New Mexico and Arizona have Gila Monsters! They're the only states they are native to that have them as pets because California spends a lot of time at meetings, Nevada works on the strip so he's barely home, and Utah has kids so New Mexico and Arizona are really the only one's home enough to care for one. I don't have a name for the Gilas yet, but New Mexico made jewelry for each of the states Gila's are native to that can't have one. Nevada has a ring that has some of the Gila's shed in the middle, Utah has a bracelet that has the same color and texture of their scales, and California has a necklace that has a pendent shaped like a Gila.

I think Arizona would have a whole reptile collection. So would Florida but in a different way. Arizona's would be like the more traditional professional reptile collection with proper habitats and equipment. Florida will bring home a toad, a python, and a swamp puppy and let them have free range of his house until someone reminds his that it is, in fact, not a good idea.

Texas has a Texas Heeler (a cross between an Australian shepherd and a blue heeler) he's named Buck that he's trained to nip at Oklahoma's and California's ankles whenever he's around them (side note: I've had a Texas Heeler and yes they do this a l o t and it hurts a little bit and I love Buck)

This is getting very long but I have more so if anyone wants a pt 2 to this I will provide

[bropunzeling]

Mattdrai 47.

Brady/Quinn. 18.

a kiss as encouragement

"Quinn! Quinn!"

"What?"

Brady waves him over to the lawn, away from where Jack and Trevor and Cole are arguing over who gets to start off. It's shirts and skins; Brady's on the skins team, glowing in the early evening sun. Sometimes Quinn remembers him as he was back in Michigan -- tall, gawky, outgrowing everyone and everything as he shot towards six feet and higher.

Sometimes, though, he gets reminded that neither of them are teenagers anymore. That Brady's been solid for years now.

"Quinn." Quinn flushes, jerking his eyes up to Brady's face. He's been pretty good about not staring, but they all had a few beers before Jack and Trevor decided soccer in the yard sounded like a great pre-dinner activity. His mind is running a little slower than usual. He can't be expected to keep it together all the time.

In any case, it doesn't matter. If Brady noticed, he doesn't mention it. "Aren't you going to play?"

Quinn shakes his head. "I'm grilling, remember?"

Brady grins. With one hand, he reaches out, flicks Quinn on the nose. Quinn jumps. "So responsible," Brady says.

"Just making sure we don't starve," Quinn mumbles. It's not like any of them are great cooks. "Is that all you called me over for?"

Brady's grin gets wider. His eyes crinkle. Looking at him hurts, like staring down the sun. Too bright. Quinn does it anyway. "Well, if you're not playing, I'll need your luck."

"What," Quinn says flatly, pulling away.

Brady's too fast, though, one hand snaking out to grab Quinn's shoulder. "C'mon," he says, cheeks pink, still with that broad smile. "Wish me luck. Gotta beat Jack and Trevor."

"No," Quinn says, rolling his eyes.

"Quinn." Brady tugs him closer. All of him is warm. Too warm. Quinn will burn up just by being near him. "Don't you want me to win?"

Maybe it's the heat and the beers, making him woozy; maybe it's the sun, dropping low in the sky, burnishing Brady's skin. Maybe it's Brady's hand, holding Quinn in place, keeping him close. Quinn has any number of excuses for popping up on his toes and brushing his lips over Brady's cheek, the corner of his mouth. None of them explain the way his heart thuds in his ribcage at his own daring.

"There," Quinn says when he pulls away. He licks his lips. "For luck."

Slowly, Brady blinks at him. When he smiles again, it's smaller. Almost a secret. "Alright," he says. "For luck."

a kiss out of spite

Leon knows he's looking too long. He doesn't have an excuse. Not the drinks, which started flowing as soon as the skills competition ended and haven't stopped since then; not the ebb and flow of bodies in the bar as people came and went, making him light-headed. Leon's been drunk before; Leon's spent plenty of time in crowded rooms. None of that explains why he can't look away from Matthew Tkachuk holding court, grinning and cracking jokes, right in his element.

Stuart doesn't say anything, but he's a kid. Connor doesn't say anything, but he doesn't have to. Connor thinks he knows all about Leon and Matthew.

Matthew laughs, obvious even over the noise of the bar. It rasps against Leon's spine. He clenches his glass harder.

Connor glances at him sidelong. "Ease up, Drai."

Instead, Leon drains his glass and drops it on the tabletop, not bothering to say anything before heading off towards the bathrooms. Connor doesn't know shit.

In the bathroom, Leon splashes his face with some water, fixes his hair. He looks hungover. He is hungover. Spending a week third-wheeling before showing up at the circus will do that. He wishes he looked better than he felt.

Matthew looked great. Matthew looked -- fucking fantastic. Leon had noticed that in November, how good Florida looked on him. Happy as a clam in his shorts and short sleeves and stupid slides. Carefree, careless. Nothing weighing him down.

Leon runs the sink again, splashes his cheeks again. His beard drips. He doesn't care. He should head back to the hotel.

The bathroom door bangs open, and speak of the devil. Matthew steps inside, looks at the urinal, the stall, the sink. At Leon, staring at him.

"So this is where you ended up," Matthew says. It's nonsensical, but then again, Leon's never pretended to understand all the thoughts careening around in Matthew's head.

Leon grunts, which is rude, but he doesn't care. Grabs a paper towel and dries his hands.

"So," Matthew says. He stands casually, almost relaxed, but there's an edge to his posture. "You gonna go back out there and spend the whole night looking at me like you hate me?"

Leon presses his lips together. "I don't -- whatever," he grits out.

"Sure. I believe it." Matthew isn't fidgeting, but only just.

"You know --" Leon's not sure how he's going to end that sentence. That it's unfair of Matthew to want everyone and anyone to like him. That he has no right to go barging after Leon after he's been the center of fucking attention the whole fucking weekend. That saying no hard feelings? in November doesn't mean hard feelings won't appear. Not when Matthew made it eminently clear that Leon, like everything else about his life in Calgary, was something to be left behind.

Matthew's eyes flick to Leon's mouth.

It's been a while since Leon's kissed anyone like this, sharp and mean and with too much teeth. Even towards the end of things he was gentler with it. With Matthew.

Not tonight, though. Tonight, he bites down on Matthew's lip, gets one hand tight around his bicep and another against the back of his neck. His nails must be cutting into Matthew's skin. He can taste blood.

After a moment, Leon steps back. He's breathing hard. As he watches, Matthew licks his lips. Looks at his face.

"Come on," Matthew says, and Leon is viciously pleased that his voice shakes. "Is that the best you got?"

[fizzigigsimmer]

Steve is a struggling superhero trying to gain entry into The Defense League, where the top tier superhero’s work together to save the galaxy. But his powers are unruly. He’s kinda like the hulk only instead of going smash, when he loses control of himself he spits out solar energy. He can cause a lot of damage if he’s not careful, and his origin as a hero is pretty messy. Rich boy doing penance: it’s been done. He’s not even president of the club (that’s Tony). Steve’s gadgets aren’t nearly as cool as the tin man’s but Dustin and the rest of the nerd squad certainly keep him in the most unique gear. The indestructible bubble gum actually does adhere itself to any surface. He had to buy a new laundry machine, but he certainly can’t fault them for imagination.

Steve may be a third string hero, but he must be doing something right because he’s already got an arch nemesis. ‘The Hurricane’ blows in about once a month to terrify Saturday afternoon shoppers and trash the downtown in the name of anti-capitalism or whatever, and Steve seems to be the only one who can stop him. The Brain? Turns out her cloaking ability doesn’t hold up to torrential rain. Freeze Frame? Won’t get near the guy after Hurricane picked him up and blew him right into the giant fish tank at Bob’s Seafood. Prism (Robin to those in the know) was done with him from the moment Hurricane started playing rock music from the city alert system whenever he started a rampage.

“He just wants attention. He’s your problem Steve because you give it to him.”

He didn’t put any thought into it at first. Then Hurricane starts showing up every couple weeks instead of once a month. Then it progresses to once a week, and now twice in the same week. It’s troubling… also annoying as fuck because Hurricane always shows up at the worst times, and he just talks so much. He talks more shit than even Billy Hargrove, the super critical and overly suspicious personal assistant (read babysitter) his father stuck on him to make sure Steve isn’t running the Hawkins branch of the company into the ground. The guy’s got his nose so far up Steve’s business that Steve’s 90% sure he is a corporate spy, he just hasn’t found the proof yet.

But he can’t focus on the problem of Hargrove with an overgrown super baby throwing tantrums to Metallica every five seconds. When Hurricane attacks for the third time in the same week, Steve has had enough. He calls it in and leaves before the others even confirm they’re on their way. He knows better than to rush in without backup but he’s so sick of this bullshit. He’s gonna put a stop to this once and for all. He takes the nerd mobile (as Robin likes to call it since Dustin and the other kids in R&D are always coming up with excuses for more test drives) and arrives on the scene in a cloud of smoke and screeching tires.

Jesus he’s going to have to have a talk with the kids about why his car needs to spit flame out the back. The smoke is so black and thick! Though it does look cool (he’s got to admit) when he emerges from the dark cloud, his cape fluttering behind him in the wind.

The sky is an ugly purple overhead, thunder booms and lightning cracks, and the wind whips around them like a twister, tossing droplets of water in every direction. In the center of it all, the eye of the storm, is the man who started it all.

“Hurricane!” Steve shouts to be heard over the howling wind and the super villain's manic laughter.

He turns. Glacial eyes spark with life when they recognize Steve. And it is Steve he recognizes, not just the costume. Cause the one time they thought to send in a fake to do this, Hurricane literally fed the poor guy to the fishes. Blew him so far away they had to fish him out of Lake Michigan.

“Am I dreaming or is that you, Pretty Boy?” Steve’s so done with him he doesn’t even bother reminding him that his name is Photon Blast.

“Yeah yeah it’s me. Don’t cream your pants.”

Hurricane laughs like a lunatic. Because he is a lunatic. And the sky crackles with lightning.

Right about now, usually Steve’s backup would be sneaking into place in order to spring a trap on Hurricane while he’s distracted; only Steve didn’t wait for them so there is no backup.

“Brave of you to challenge me alone.”

“Man, what are you talking about?” Steve huffs and Hurricane blinks at him in obvious surprise. He presses on, “Have I ever come at you alone? We banter, we fight, I let you pin me, and just when you think you’ve won, my team appears and you get captured. It’s the same shit every time.”

“Your prison cells can’t hold me!” Hurricane growls, eyes narrowing in Steve with rage like he thinks he’s being insulted.

“Yeah no shit. This is the third time we’re doing this.” Steve rolls his eyes, fists his hands on his hips. Taps his foot. “What gives man? You need a hug or something? A cuddle buddy?”

He’s expecting Hurricane to explode. Is ready for it. Aching for it if he’s honest, because it irks him that he never really beats Hurricane no matter how many rounds he ‘wins’. When the guy keeps breaking out of custody like it’s nothing and coming back, it feels like Steve’s trapped in a game with rules he doesn’t know. So he’s ready for a fight but what happens is worse.

“Are you offering?” Hurricane asks.

Steve stares at him, his mouth dropping open. Did he hear that right?

“What did you just say?”

The whipping rain parts for the leather clad villain and he saunters towards Steve. The fang of some poor creature dangles from his ear and his teeth glint in a sharp smile as he stops in front of Steve.

“I asked if you’re offering.”

“No fucking way dude!” Steve snaps without, thinking and immediately regrets it as the sky booms with thunder.

“Too bad. I give great hugs.” is what he hears before a gust of wind slams into him, so strong it smacks him right into the side of a parked car.

Steve groans. Partly in pain. Mostly in misery. This guy is fucking insane and for some reason, he’s obsessed with Steve and like only Steve.

This is his true penance, he thinks as he struggles back onto his feet before a small tree comes hurtling at his head like a toy carried on the wind.

Oh well, all the greats have their villainous groupies. Stark has too many to name. Wayne has a clown and Steve has a walking storm.

“You finally ready to put up a real fight Pretty Boy?” Steve’s personal pest in bondage gear calls out to him as the hero is reaching for his utility belt. “Or are you still playing around with toys?”

Steve pauses, chest heaving with anger, fighting for breath. He reminds himself that he can’t use his powers because they’re too unstable. People could get hurt and he’d never forgive himself if that happened again. But he’s so tempted.

Because Steve’s not nearly as good as he tries to be. Hurricane is laughing again, those eyes cutting into Steve… and all he wants in the world is the chance to show him what real power is and shut him up for good.

[foxydivaxx]

Cassie Sandsmark: Odyssey

I decided to write this in light of the fact that there are supposed to be two Wonder Girls but truth be told, it is best Cassie becomes her own person and not rely too much on the Wonder Girl brand much. So this is my attempt to address it. As for what her new superhero codename would be, I am yet to decide that. That is where everyone comes in. This is a sneak peek to a fan fic I am working on for Cassie.

I am in a midlife crisis. That I already know. For starters, I spent most of my teen years as a superhero and sidekick to Diana. I have been a Teen Titan and a member of Young Justice. I am also a demigod and happen to be Zeus' daughter.

I have helped save the world on more than one occassion. I have also lost a lot of people, both physical and otherwise. But all that is in the past now. Now, I am just a mere lonely 21 year old, in college studying archaeology in the hopes of following in mother's footsteps.

Truth be told, if I hadn't become Wonder Girl, this could have been the path I would have followed. Either that or possibly law. Regardless, I am back in the same old boring routine I was in prior to becoming a superhero.

I do miss the action yes. But I need to keep away from everyone and everything that reminds me of that time which was why I moved all the way to Michigan in the first place. I just need to find my bearing and re-discover who I am again.

The downside of being a superhero is that part of you believes that that title defines you. As if that is not enough, there is a certain weight, a legacy you have to measure up to. If I am being honest, I personally believe that I did not achieve half as much as Donna or DIana.

Now this new Wonder Girl has shown up and she is clearly better than I am. I believe that I do not belong to the Wonder Family at all. Unlike the others, I do not have a standard superhero costume. Mine is just mere Wonder Woman merch I happened to possess at the time courtesy of being the President of the Wonder Woman Fan club.

Making matters worse is that my paternal family keep trying to drag me into their shenanigans. The Gods are as dysfunctional as it gets and Zeus does not help matters with the amount of kids he has sired all over the world. Father of all nations indeed.

I lost a ceremonial bout with Yara, which caused me to doubt my powers. I officially retired from the spotlight and gave up my Wonder Girl title to her.

Once the bell rang, I heaved a sigh of relief as I gathered up my stuff and made my way out of the room, not bothering to talk to anyone. Ever since I moved down here, I have become a social recluse. Not speaking to anyone or bothering to socialize. I have become like Raven at this point.

Putting my hoodie over my head, I make my way out of school and off to my apartment. How did I become like this you might ask? Well, a lot has happened to me over the years.

Now where do I start? Well, how about we go back memory lane to about 2 years ago, before Yara even came into the picture.....

[blackwolfstabs]

Based on your reply, I was right about the guy. It made me think of Michigan's situation about that one guy she posted about back in February. I have the ability to do this because I'm Nero divergent. The song reminded me of their small love story.

you were right? what is that supposed to mean?

the anonymous facade isn't convincing me of anything other than you're hiding yourself and that this is just a poor excuse of a cover-up. i don't care about your ability to do this because "you're neurodivergent." guess what? most people on here are neurodivergent, but i told you to dm me personally if you weren't who i'm presuming and you didn't. what would you have to hide in a one-on-one conversation, unless you didn't want me or others to know who you were? something's not adding up, so cut the shit or back off

plus, she deleted that post a while ago. why is it being brought up now? why not go to her directly about it? why does that one thing matter so much to you, when she's spent much more time expressing her interests and art outside of that one post. that's why i don't get. it's not adding up

and if you're the same anonymous who keeps coming back every month to harass Michigan, you better think twice because the police will get involved. she's already talked to a police about it, and he said that if they come back, he'll get involved

and so, i ask again for you to contact me, or @alkivm (who's mentioned you or whoever it was that sent me the song sending her a song by the same artist and saying the same thing), or @michiganstray directly via dm to prove that you're not the same anonymous or an accomplice of theirs

i've got a pretty good bet going for who this might be or who they might be affiliated with. i've looked on spotify to find this person recently listening to the artist Ms Krazie. and just to be clear, it wouldn't surprise me if it really is this person either, so might as well just come clean

i hate to be so aggressive, but there's only so many things to go off of when receiving something from an anonymous. but like i said, if you'd dm one of us directly and just be honest, it doesn't have to be this way

ANONIMITY is not saving you. it's making you more suspicious, dishonest, and untrustworthy, whoever you are regardless of your intentions.

[babydollmarauders]

HITS DIFFERENT— JACK HUGHES

final part of the Midnights Fic List

summary: in which y/n and Jack were in a relationship for 4 years before deciding to go separate ways, but everything reminds her of him and y/n realizes she’s made a mistake by letting him go.

specific lyrics: “i washed my hands of us at the club, you made a mess of me. i pictured you with other girls in love, then threw up on the street.” and “they say that if it's right, you know. each bar plays our song, nothing has ever felt so wrong.” and “i find the artifacts, cried over a hat, cursed the space that i needed. i trace the evidence, make it make some sense why the wound is still bleedin'. you were the one that i loved.” and “i heard your key turn in the door down the hallway. is that your key in the door? is it okay? is it you?” and “i never don't cry at the bar. yeah, my sadness is contagious. i slur your name 'til someone puts me in a car.” and “love is a lie; shit my friends say to get me by.”

notes: i don't know how i feel about this one. i feel like i could've potentially done better, but anyways MIDNIGHTS FIC LIST IS OFFICIALLY DONE! it's a month later than i had originally wanted to finish it, but it's finally done!

the reflection staring back at me is a bit of a hot mess. mascara smudged, hair tousled, lipstick fading. i stare in the mirror until i feel the sting of the hot water on my hands, pulling them back with a hiss of pain. the alcohol running through my veins helps me avoid overthinking about this dingy club bathroom, my shoes sticking to the floor with every step. but the buzz does nothing to help with the thoughts that run through my mind when i hear the song that’s blasting from the speakers throughout the club.

“y/n/n, you good?” my head snaps over to Marie, her upper body peeking in through the bathroom door. one look at me makes her sigh. “you’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”

“it’s our song.” i explain, as though she hasn’t heard the same excuse at every other bar we’ve been to in the past six months.

“i know it is, hun.” she gives me a pitiful smile, fully entering the grimy bathroom in order to grab my hand.

“it just feels so wrong hearing it without him.” tears well up in my eyes, my heart hurting just a little extra.

“let’s go get you another drink.” i give a numb nod in response, letting her lead me to our other friends that sit in a booth by the bar. at the sight of my state, they both give each other an unspoken glance before giving me a look of pity.

“i ordered you another tequila sunrise.” Beth tells me, sliding the drink towards me. i drop into the booth, muttering a short ‘thanks’ before gulping at the drink.

“lay it on us, babe. what’s on your mind tonight?” Lisa pipes up, sipping at her own drink and raising a brow at me.

“i just— they say that if it’s right, you know. and i thought we were right. but, it makes no sense because why didn’t i know until we broke up? i mean, i knew. obviously i knew, i followed him here from Michigan. but, i didn’t know know until we separated, ya know?”

“i’m gonna be honest, i only understood maybe half of what you just said.” Lisa says, making Beth and Marie giggle. “but love is a lie, y/n/n. sure, you can like someone enough to be with them for a long time, but romantic love? complete bullshit. it doesn’t exist. this isn’t the movies.”

“she’s right. and the quicker you realize that, the quicker you’ll get over him.” Marie nods, pointing at Lisa as she speaks while Beth hums in agreement.

“i don’t know if i’ll ever get over him. i love him. i miss him.” i whine. “i want him back. i don’t wanna be here. i want Jack.”

“alright, maybe it’s time we get you back home.” Beth sighs, tapping her thumbs on her phone. ordering an uber, i assume.

“i don’t wanna go home. i wanna see Jack.”

“you can’t see Jack, y/n. you’re drunk, and you guys broke up.” Marie pats my shoulder, helping me out of the booth and out of the club, the other two girls following behind us.

i continue mumbling to myself, my words slurred, and i’m eighty percent sure that the only actual audible word was my ex’s name.

“c’mon, hun. watch your head.” Lisa coos, helping me into the uber. “we’ll see you on tuesday, babe. get some sleep.”

Marie and Beth call out some goodbyes before Lisa shuts the car door, she motions for the guy up front to lower his window, whispering something to him before he starts off towards my house.

“would it be too late to ask to change the drop off location?” i ask him, anxiously playing with the strap of my purse as i speak.

“i’m sorry, ma’am. your friend just told me you might ask that. she said i’m under strict orders to take you straight to the predetermined destination.” i heave out a deep breath, slumping back into the seat of the car.

it doesn’t take too long to get to my apartment complex, muttering a ‘thank you’ to the man before sliding out of the vehicle and making my way up to my apartment. as soon as i make it into the apartment, i bee-line for my bedroom, stripping out of my club outfit and changing into some leggings and a tank top. i wipe off my makeup and throw my hair up before entering my closet. my sights set on the old USA Hockey sweatshirt on my shelf, i hop up, reaching for the article of clothing. however, as soon as i pull it down, something else comes tumbling down with it, falling to the floor in front of me.

slipping the sweatshirt on, i bend down to pick up the fallen item. holding it, tears prick the backs of my eyes as i realize what it is, Jack’s hat. his New York Yankees hat to be exact. my heart aches remembering the times he wore it. our Yankees game, date nights, even just lounging around the house. clutching the hat to my chest, i sink to the floor, sitting criss cross as i cry.

space. why did i think i needed space? i got plenty of space when he was always gone for roadies. fuck space. i just want him. my fingers trace the Yankees symbol, my tears falling down onto the dark blue fabric. why does it still hurt so bad? it’s been six months.

i know it may not help that i’m still in the same apartment we shared. every piece of this home reminds me of him. but it’s been much too hard to move. i tried looking at other apartments, but nothing felt as right as this one. i’m not ready to give up the last piece i have of the one i love.

too busy crying on the closet floor, i barely hear the lock on the front door turning. my head snaps up at the sound, trying to remember which of my friends have spare keys. Marie, Beth, and Lisa are the only ones, but i just left them. that only leaves two other options, Quinn or Jack. but, that i’m aware of, Quinn is still in Vancouver. i know he doesn’t have another game in New Jersey until next month. which only leaves Jack. i try not to get my hopes up, but i can’t help but wonder if it’s him, if he’s come back. the chances are slim. it’s been six months, why would he come back now?

i come to the decision that it’s probably Marie checking up on me. probably worried about the way i was when we parted not that long ago. it wouldn’t be the first time she’s checked on me.

footsteps thump against the wooden floors, getting closer to the bedroom, and i huddle further into the closet, hoping Marie will just leave me alone. tears still stream down my face as i clutch the hat closer to my chest, letting out silent sobs.

“y/n?”

that’s not Marie.

too exhausted, i opt out of leaving the closet, not even able to get myself to speak without being racked with sobs. i sniffle as i hear him pass the closet, the footsteps stop for a moment before i hear them start again, getting closer to the cracked open closet door. i don’t bother looking, fully believing that at this point i’m a mix of drunk and sleep deprived, just hearing things that aren’t there. i wipe at my eyes but the tears keep coming. i shift to bring my knees to my chest, the hat now gripped in my hands in front of me.

“oh, baby.” i hear from behind me before a body drops down beside me on the floor, pulling me into them. his cologne fills my senses, my face buried into his chest. the scent fills me with melancholy, memories of when he used to hold me close and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. comforting me. making me feel at home within his arms.

“it’s okay.” as if i summoned the whispers with my thoughts, his breath fans across my ear. “i’m here. i’ve got you. i’m right here.”

his reassurances calm me just slightly, but the real help is when he splays a hand along my chest, taking deep breaths. muscle memory takes over as i mimic his breathing.

“what are you doing here?” i ask once i’ve finally calmed enough to speak. i wipe at my nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt, finally looking up into the blue eyes that peer down at me.

“Beth called me.” he whispers.

“she did?”

“yeah. she told me you’re not doing okay.” he confesses. “she didn’t tell me much more than that. just that she’d really appreciate if i checked on you.”

“you came over here in the middle of the night just to check on me?” i question. “you have a game tomorrow. you should be sleeping.”

“you’re a lot more important than a game.” his hand moves from my chest to cup my jaw. “i told you i would always be here for you, y/n. i meant it.”

“but, we broke up. i didn’t think you cared anymore.” a lone tear drops from my right eye as i speak.

“i’ll always care about you. i don’t think i can ever stop. i love you, y/n/n. and i know you said you wanted space, and i respected that, but i told you when we broke up that i would be here when you decided you were ready.” he pauses, his eyes scanning my face before he continues speaking. “and now i really hope you’re ready because these past few months have been hell without you.”

“i made a mistake. i don’t want space. i want you. you’re the only thing i’ve wanted since i was seventeen.” my voice is barely above a whisper, scared for his response.

“you have me. i’m right here.” his eyes jump between my own and my lips three times before he leans down. i meet him halfway, our lips pressing together in a slow kiss. gentle passion and love radiates between us, his hands cupping my face as mine grip the nape of his neck as if he'll disappear from my hold.

pulling away, his forehead leans against mine. my breath catches in my throat at the sight of the smile gracing his lips. a smile of my own spread across my face and i crane my neck to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

"i missed you so much." i admit. "moving on from boys in high school was so easy, but the heartbreak hit different this time."

"that's how you know it's real. we're real. there's no moving on from us." he tells me. "at least, not for me."

he pulls me in tighter against him, crashing his lips against mine once more, and i feel content again, my life being fixed with such a simple motion.

[knifedog-machina]

Gateway Operations: How My System Works

Written by Max on March 30, 2024.

I haven't seen many personal essays or in-depth posts by plurals that explain how their individual systems work and what their experiences are like, so I’m taking the alterhuman community mindset of Writing About My Personal Experiences as the host of a gateway system, just to archive my experiences in pen, since my memory isn't at all infallible.

I'm also posting on social media (instead of only a personal website) in hopes of seeing and being seen by other folks, people who have similar or different experiences! I like talking about myself, but not into a void, you know? I like it when people talk back! If you have replies, feel free to write them as a response! (If in a reblog, please put it under a cut if it's longer than a few paragraphs!)

Headmates and Visitors

First off, defining “gateway system.” I'm using the term to mean that the people in my system exist in an alternate universe - their version of a slightly futuristic Detroit, Michigan, in our case - and they walked into my brain as completely separate people from me.

My headmates are the people who I consider my brain roommates, the people who choose to live together with me in our daily life. So far this is a short list, just Jude and Gavin, because they like being here and I like having them around.

I've recently found that other people from their world can chime in from time to time - and they aren’t headmates, in my opinion, so much as visitors. They like talking to my headmates, and sometimes even to me, but they don’t want to live with me and just come and go as they please, usually just popping in when called (if they're free). So far, they’ve all been people who Jude and Gavin personally know, and people I know from their world and feel interested in. My working explanation for who can visit the system is that they’re all people in Detroit who we’re invested in, and if we want to talk to them enough, they can talk to us. Why? Who knows! What matters is that we can have a chat or two over lunch.

As the host, listening to my headmates talking to other people in their world really does remind me of listening in on a phone call - I’m not usually getting visuals from the other person, just their voice internalized in my mind. As far as I can tell, that's also how the whole thing gets filtered in-universe - for example, Gavin mentally called a friend from Detroit a couple nights ago, for the sake of trying to do so without expecting anything, and when she actually answered, it did solidify into a phone call, or at least she was talking into the phone on her end of the line.

The Back (and headspace, or lack thereof)

When I think about my headmates in the back, they’re in their apartment - which has mostly been Gavin’s apartment, historically, but Jude’s moved in. The impression I get in my mind’s eye when I’m visualizing the back is like that of a moving camera, seeing footage from a recording without being in the space myself. It’s very much their actual apartment, though - for instance, Gavin owns three cats, and if I focus on them, I can tell what they’re getting up to. As I’m writing this, I’m checking on the cats, and I get the impression that Lucy is taking a nap on one arm of the couch.

When Jude or Gavin check into the back, they tend to get impressions from their own points of view. For example, when Jude is laying on the couch and looking at Gavin in the kitchen, they’re using their own eyes for that, while if I’m the one watching him, I’m looking from a different viewpoint - it’s like my internal footage of them is being filmed on a security camera or using film shooting techniques, while they're just using their eyes like normal people.

This visualization is always very hazy and unfocused until I actually focus on what's going on, and then it clears up into a solid concept. It's a similar story for figuring out noemata or exomemory recall - from what I can tell, it all runs on a sort of Schrodinger's cat principle, where all the possibilities for what's happening are superimposed on one another until I'm actively thinking about it, and then it settles upon a single configuration and doesn't change again. For example, what the cats are doing. Jack is currently sitting on the windowsill, looking at the birds outside.

I used to think my internal camera was fixed to Gavin’s apartment, but since I've been able to look at other places, I think it's more likely that my headmates and visitors tend to talk to me when they're not busy, which tends to mean they're at home or otherwise unoccupied. A couple visitors were going on a walk in the park while talking to me, which was really quite nice. I've also found my point of view camera spinning over to watch them in their house, and that's quite different from Jude and Gavin’s place.

And because the back is their actual world instead of a mindscape that I made up, I don't actually exist in it. I can't project myself into my headmates’ apartment - I’m the host, so I live in this world, and I reside in my brain and body as thought patterns and self-perception. When I give up control of the front, I don't enter any specific headspace. If I'm co-conscious, I just exist as a disembodied voice, vaguely attached to my self-image and body, until I return to the front again. (It's not as disorienting as it sounds, I promise.)

Fronting and Co-Fronting

When my headmates are fronting, it's not like they blip back and forth between being in my world controlling my body, and being in their world controlling their bodies. They're actually in both places at once? I like to think of it like quantum superpositions, much like the memory and camera focus - if Jude is fronting and wants to hug Gavin back in their own bodies, they can do that! At the same time, they're still up here in my body. They can only fully focus on one or the other, though, so that's something that tends to happen more when I'm in co-front and can take over fronting.

Something that does happen for us, and happens so naturally that we didn't realize that other systems might not be able to do it, is partial possession. It's a new term for me, but it’s well-established in the tulpamancy community - basically, putting it into plural terminology, it's when one headmate takes control of some part of their shared body while co-fronting with someone else.

We do this voluntarily and semi-automatically, for a variety of reasons. When I’m suffering from sensory overload and don't want to eat despite being hungry, someone else might decide to take over eating while I keep using the spoon. If Jude wants to hold hands in co-front, they can take one hand and Gavin can have the other, and they can hold hands like that. If Gavin wants to walk while I listen to a podcast, he gets the legs and I keep the audio processing. It's a good thing for all of us!

Usually, when fronting, I can call someone's name to the back and get a response - this is how I know the difference between tuning in and out of headmate awareness throughout the day, where I can check in and get an immediate response if they're awake, and them walking out of the system for a time. When they leave, I call out and get no response whatsoever.

This gets distressing when someone other than myself gets stuck in the front, which happens when we're overloaded with stress, because that also makes it incredibly difficult or impossible to get responses from me or anyone else in the back, so it feels like the person in front is completely alone in there. For the record, this has always been a stress-induced communication breakdown for us, and we do always regain contact after calming down.

And I've found that our visitors also co-front sometimes, I think because they're used to having bodies and don't like being in the void in the way that we get when we aren't fronting or focusing on the back. (They don't usually care for it, which is part of why they aren't headmates - for example, Connor hates eating.)

I don't have a conclusion for this essay, really - it's a collection of observations, and might change or expand in the future. Who knows! It's nice to have it jotted down in one place, though.