#why is evil being applauded and rewarded

[unclefungusthegoat]

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[beardedmrbean]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvFfjb2wGc0 This was uploaded on April Fool's day but nothing in the video or the description appears to be a prank. If the description is accurate, the reason he stopped making new episodes of Code MENT was because his sister passed away, and she was pregnant at the time so he lost both his sister and his unborn nephew/niece.

I don't know what these are normally like so I couldn't guess by the video, but from the video description

Given the impact these friendships and experiences have as influences, it is incumbent upon this parody to be unyielding in the very design philosophy and principals which was captured its creation (one example of a principle would be the necessity for parody and satire to have access to the full suite of human language, in tandem with discussion for categorical considerations (i.e. maturity, how many current farts are in the ecosystem, etc.) but always with the presumption of innocence on the side of parody, satire and comedy).

Says parody a lot, but that may be their normal MO, I don't know so I'll leave that up to people that do.

Full Video description under the cut

To the 6 viewers who read descriptions, At this very moment you may be asking yourself: but why? Well, sit back as the rambling commences; I applaud all those who might read it to the end. A significant portion of this series’ ethos is based on real world people trying to navigate this world in which we live. Elements of the characters are based off real-world friendships… nay, kinships! In that hopes that this may help understand the ethos of this channel, we want to share a bit of background here (limited time only, I’ll delete this when I remember how silly it is but until then do what you want with this info). The person that heavily influences characters seen on this channel experienced his first and second times of whompa-stompa times by two INDIVIDUAL (we promise to NEVER blow the lessons learned out to the category at large, in fact I’m starting to think it doesn’t really help in proper courtship) old globin women during his 12th and 14th year of age respectively (don’t pity him, you should have seen what he was wearing). On a more serious note, that same person lost his sister along with her amazing and wonderful yet-to-be-birthed human being in a horrific, terrible incident. Given the impact these friendships and experiences have as influences, it is incumbent upon this parody to be unyielding in the very design philosophy and principals which was captured its creation (one example of a principle would be the necessity for parody and satire to have access to the full suite of human language, in tandem with discussion for categorical considerations (i.e. maturity, how many current farts are in the ecosystem, etc.) but always with the presumption of innocence on the side of parody, satire and comedy). While most who use it are well-intentioned, DEI turns out to mostly result in Diversion (diverting people into unidimensional groups), Incursion (including a pre-set, one-sided, linguistically locked moral interpretation based on those groups into the workplace/school), and a contemporary Evil (prioritizing and rewarding loyalty to fully collectivist behaviors). The people in these DEI organizations are NOT themselves evil. Please, we extend this plea to you who are in these orgs: if you have the ability, help us get this out of acceptable society. It should be removed with minimal repercussions, as it was not fully understood by most. We’ve seen the ‘organizational redistribution/Harrison Bergeron equity apples’ too many times to ignore (I dunno what you guys are doing but its scariest to see these policies adopted by the New York State School Boards Association and subsequent grade schools, we are NOT having that). We have seen our own ethos’ accomplish better outcomes than DEI on the ground level and therefore will continue do what we are able to continue to champion it! Love, Nick Lizzo P.S. I miss Chappelle's Show. Comedy works. DEI doesn’t. I’m not entirely sure yet about the undefined gloss coming from these algorithms. To any YouTube employee who might happen to stumble upon this, Is Journalism covered in EDSA? It could fall under E or D but it’s a little confusing for me, just your average reader. Just trying to be helpful! Regards, Professionalism P.S. I think there might be a glitch, I wasn’t able to counter claim two videos on this channel. Is there any way to allow that? To my fellow abridgers/parody/comedy/artist peoples, I’m sorry for not saying this enough but you are some of the most talented and capable people I’ve ever met. From what I’ve seen you were able to tap into something we need now more than ever, ideas that transcend a sometimes-stifled paradigm. Keep that up and I believe humanity will never end up in a zero-sum game! Love, Purps To Insider, I don’t know if I ever said this formally but thank you. It was extremely gratifying to have gotten your acknowledgment. It feels good even all these years later to reflect on that achievement. I sincerely can’t thank you enough! From your supporter, Nick

[yhwhrulz]

Morning and Evening with A.W. Tozer Devotional for September 10

Tozer in the Morning We Travel an Appointed Way

Nehemiah, the good, rose up from his weeping to do something about a vision God had laid on his heart. Under divine providence, he was soon transported from Shushan to his beloved city, Jerusalem, armed with authority and equipped with materials to rebuild the ruined city. . . .

The first device of the "enemy," upon hearing of the undertaking, was to heap ridicule on the whole plan. Sanballat, Tobiah and Geshem laughed Nehemiah and his helpers to scorn. Undeterred, Nehemiah replied with firm assurance, "The God of heaven, he will prosper us." And the work went on according to plan.

After all other means had failed to hinder the reconstruction, the conspirators tried to arrange for a conference with Nehemiah. The man of God saw in this an evil purpose to do him mischief and divert him from his monumental work. His reply to the would-be mischief-makers is classic, and might well be adopted for the all-time stock reply to all such overtures: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" (Nehemiah 6:3).

The great task to which God had called Nehemiah was so important that every other consideration must be waived. Would that we might have such an overpowering sense of being about our Father's business and be so impressed with the grandeur of our task that we would reject every suggestion of the evil one that would bid us take up some lesser pursuit. Let us rout him with the words that date back to 445 B.C., and which cannot be improved upon: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down."

Tozer in the Evening Pythagorus Three Classes of Humanity

The Greek philosopher Pythagoras is said to have divided men into three classes: 1. Seekers after knowledge. 2. Seekers after honor. 3. Seekers after gain. It would be interesting if not too edifying to look for Pythagoras three classes in modern society. 1. Seekers after knowledge. These are no longer called philosophers, lovers of wisdom, but scholars, professors, scientists, who love knowledge for itself. These are intellectual magpies with a compulsive tic that drives them to collect all the shiny bits of knowledge possible; fortunately for them there are enough others with the same tic to provide them with a means of making some kind of a living here below. 2. Seekers after honor. These are the politicians. They have an incurable itch to be known in the gates, and as a means toward this end they manage to work up a convincing if phony patriotic fever every four or six years that brings them votes and enables them to ride in the front car in the Memorial parade. Thei r reward is in being applauded by the masses they secretly despise, and verily they have their reward. 3. Seekers after gain. These are at the top honest businessmen who become wealthy within the law, and at the bottom racketeers who gain their wealth outside the law. Morally these latter differ not at all from the ordinary bandit, but they differ socially because they are smarter, have read a book and know a better lawyer.

Copyright Statement This material is considered in the public domain.

[iamshwee]

SHADOW WORK: The Ultimate Guide

I. Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

II. What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. 

Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” 

This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

III. What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear, and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. 

Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history.  These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

IV. Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self.

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow. 

There are no exceptions here. 

The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.

This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. 

Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

·   “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

·  “I have never strayed.”

·  “God is proud of me.”

·  “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

·  “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

·  “I’m a role model.”

·  “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

·  “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadow.

V. How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists, Steve Price and David Haynes write:

“But, as we develop our ego-personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego-personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.”

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

“Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that does not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …”

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

VI. What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

VII. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality tend to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. 

This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

·  Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

·  Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

·  Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

·  Emotional and mental manipulation of others

·  Greed and addictions

·  Phobias and obsessive compulsions

·  Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

·  Intense anxiety

·  Chronic psychosomatic illness

·  Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

·  Sexual perversion

·  Narcissistically inflated ego

·  Chaotic relationships with others

·  Self-loathing

·  Self-absorption

·  Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadow is through psychological projection.

VIII. The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection.

Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix. Why? Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

“We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.”

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

IX. Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

1.     Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

2.     Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

3.     More confidence to be your authentic self

4.     More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

5.     Increased compassion/understanding for others = who you dislike

6.     Enhanced creativity

7.     Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

8.     Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

9.     Improved physical and mental health

10.   More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

11.   Access to your Soul or Higher Self

12.   A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

X. Seven Tips for Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, you need to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

·        Have you practiced self-love yet?

o   If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadow will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

·        Are you prepared to make time? 

o   Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it from time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

·        Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? 

o   As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths that are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

·        Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. 

o   It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

·        Understand that you are not your thoughts. 

o   You need to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

·        Practice self-compassion.

o   It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

·        Record everything you find. 

o   Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

 XI. How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given the power to in my life unconsciously, because: what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. Apart of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self.  His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness.  If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature.  Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have several Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

·        The Sorcerer/Alchemist

·        The Dictator

·        The Victim

·        The Shadow Witch

·        The Addict

·        The Idiot

·        The Trickster

·        The Destroyer

·        The Slave

·        The Shadow Mother

·        The Hag

·        The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1.  The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2.  The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5.  The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6.  The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7.  The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8.  The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9.  The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10.  The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11.  The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12.  The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13.  The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

XII. Shadow Work Q&A

Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and “ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self – and it is often symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.

How to do shadow work?

There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most powerful and effective techniques include journaling, artistically expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy), using a mirror to connect with this part of you (mirror work), guided meditations, exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.

What is the spiritual shadow?

There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the traps of spiritual materialism – a phenomenon where we use spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and even narcissistic.

XIII. Shadow Self -Test

https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self-test/

As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool. And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)

XIV. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life

If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.

Own your shadow and you will own your life.

Here are some final inspiring words:

“The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing Words)”

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” — Gail Sheehy

“Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. — William Law”

“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light. — Carl Jung”

[waiting4inspiration]

To be Evil III: Do you regret it?

Summary: You find the Tesseract but run into a few problems; the team. They’re not too much of a problem, but when one of your curses hits the wrong person, you can’t help but feel guilty.

Warnings: angst, strong language, fighting, magical elements, Infinity War (rewritten), hero to villain

Word Count: 2,548

To be Evil Masterlist II Marvel Masterlist

Groaning in frustration when you don’t find the Tesseract after looking over the room for the fifth time, you drop your hands and roll your eyes. Now that you remember that you are part of the Mind Stone, you thought that you could find the Space Stone with the same connection you felt with the Power Stone. But you can’t feel anything. 

Not until someone walks into the room. 

“Now, what do we have here?” Loki sings behind you, making you turn around and smile wickedly at him. “Looking for something that you hope will get the team to kick me off so you can have your place?” he questions, making you laugh and shift on your feet as you glance down at your hands. 

Biting your lower lip, you look up at Loki through your lashes. “Oh no. I’m here on a mission,” you state, lifting your head in confidence as you take a step forward. “He wants the Tesseract, and I’m here to get it,” you mention, knowing that he will know who you’re talking about. 

And as his smile falls, you chuckle and step forward again. “You’re working with Thanos,” he says, shaking his head as he laughs to himself. “You don’t seem like the kind of person to be a double agent. You seem too...sweet.”

Glaring coldly at him, you raise a hand and let your power push Loki against the wall. “I am not a double agent. I don’t want to be part of this team anymore, not when Thanos can give me everything I wanted,” you say, walking towards him as he tries to fight the control you have on him. 

“Thanos is using you and you are blind to it-” Placing your hand on his forehead, you stop him from speaking and make his groan in frustration. 

“The team gave me nothing. Thanos is offering me everything I deserve,” you start, taking a step closer as you let your powers fire up. You’re going to read his mind, look where he’s hiding the Tesseract. And confident that you will be rewarded for the success of your mission, your hands start to glow, as do your eyes. 

Ever since you’ve given into your powers and let go of control, your eyes have taken on the same yellow glow your hands have when you think about using your curses. “And soon, this team will regret the day they chose you over me,” you sneer, pushing his head back against the wall as you close your eyes to concentrate. 

Loki takes a deep breath, tries to fight your powers and your efforts to read his mind. This is the first time someone is attempting to do this and he wonders if your powers are really that strong or if his are just that weak. And no matter how hard he tries to hold back, he gives in and reveals the location of the Tesseract. 

But, he won’t walk away with nothing. Seeing an opportunity when you realize where the Tesseract is, he looks into your own mind to try and figure out what made you decide to team up with someone like Thanos. 

You feel Loki reading your mind and seeing the memory of you bursting into life from the Scepter that was given to him by Thanos when he invaded New York. And it’s enough for him to know everything. 

Pushing yourself away from him, you gasp and glare at him. “You’re part of the Mind Stone,” he whispers, both of you panting slightly from the mind-reading experience. 

Laughing at him, you turn your head to your hand and you hold it up. Loki looks at your hand as you conjure up that which he has been hiding; the Tesseract. It shows up from the bottom up, out of thin air, before settling in your hands, making you smile proudly at yourself. 

Loki moves to take a step forward so he can try and take it from you, but you catch him and wave your hand. “Stay,” you whisper, using a curse that freezes him in his spot. It makes his groan in frustration and you chuckle. 

You turn your head back to the blue cube, your hum turning into a chuckle as you make it disappear again, in a place you know this time, and look at Loki again. “I am the Mind Stone. And there is nothing, not you, or the team can do to stop him from getting what I want,” you laugh, and it's such an evil laugh, Loki’s almost impressed. 

Turning around, you walk away with a spring in your step and a sway in your hips. Loki smirks to himself. Seeing you, the person that tried to fight for a place on this team when he was announced as the new member being an enemy reminds him of the time when he went against Thor and this exact team. 

But he knows what Thanos is really trying to accomplish. The question is, do you?

Walking down the hall with a bright smile on your face, like the one you would have when you had completed a mission for the team, you feel good. You feel free, like you don’t have a care in the world.

You’ve never walked like this through the hallways of the compound. You’re basically skipping. You just can’t wait to hand the Tesseract to Thanos and be applauded for your work. He’ll praise you for doing this mission by yourself and you’ll finally get the recognition you’ve been dreaming of getting. 

When you come to the main entrance, you see Loki standing in front of the door. It doesn’t make your smile fade, because you know that he won’t stop you. “Do you really think I would just let you walk away with an Infinity Stone?” he asks cockily, stepping forward and being joined by Thor who holds his hammer tightly in his hand. 

Behind you, you hear footsteps and glance over your shoulder to see Natasha and Clint cut off a retreating escape. “Give up the Tesseract, (Y/n),” Thor speaks as he and Loki walk towards you, slowly. 

Steve and Bucky show up to your right and Tony and Wanda to your left. And all you can think of is what a pity it is that Bruce didn’t come too. Maybe you could have used the Hulk to your advantage. Why you’re thinking about that, you have no idea. “I’m not giving up anything, Thor,” you sternly say, walking into the center of the circle the team makes around you. 

“We know you’re working with Thanos,” Steve mentions, making your head turn towards him, giving him an unbothered look. 

You catch the disappointed look on Bucky’s face, stare at him for a second before turning around to look at Tony who has started to walk closer to you. You didn’t want to look at Bucky for any longer, scared that it might convince you that you’re doing the wrong thing. “If you’re trying to prove a point to us-”

“This isn’t about proving anything, Tony,” you snap, turning around completely to face him, glaring coldly at him with narrow eyes that make him freeze in his tracks. “I don’t have to prove myself to you. I am tired of trying to prove to you that I can handle anything,” you spit, your anger initiating your powers and making your eyes glow yellow again. 

Seeing this makes him tense and he glances down to Wanda at his side. You know what that look means. “You’re losing control,” Natasha speaks when she notices the glow in your eyes and that around your hands. 

Her words make you laugh, and your laugh makes a shiver run down the entire team’s spine. You shake your head as you breathe out a sigh, smiling as you look down at your hands. “No. I’m embracing what all of you tried to get me to push down,” you correct, looking back up at her with a tilt in your head. “I thought it was just an insult when Tony said I was dangerous, but-”

You pause, run your tongue over your lips and then send a power surge so great through the room that it makes everything, even Thor, fall to the ground in crippling pain. It has to be your favorite curse to use on your opponents. You just thought you’d never use it on the team. 

“Turns out he was right. I am dangerous,” you finish, wickedly smirking down at Tony when he looks up at you. “Tell me, Tony, do you regret not giving me a place on this team now that you’ve seen what I’ve become?” you question, kneeling down and resting your arms on your knees as you stare down at him, still concentrating on keeping everyone else down with your mind powers. 

Tony groans as he tries to push himself up, lifts his head to look at you and shakes his head in disappointment. “Is that what you want? Just to be made a member of the team?” he asks back, making you laugh and stand to your feet. 

“No. Not anymore,” you reply, rolling your shoulders as you breathe out a breath and look to the door. “Now, if you’ll all excuse me. I have to be going.” 

Before you can even step forward, the door locks. You can hear the heavy blot shift before the shutters even fall. And you know exactly who is responsible for this. Turning around, you see that Wanda has somehow worked herself free of your mental hold and now stands with her hands glowing her significant red color. 

You take a step towards her as you breathe out a sigh. “You don’t want to do this, Wanda,” you warn, your eyes glancing down to her hands as she brings them forward, crossing her wrists over each other as she takes a step forward. 

“Let them go,” she orders, her eyes glancing down to the grounded team. With a wave of your hands, you lift the yellow haze that keeps them down, lifting the curse you’ve placed on them and smile at Wanda. 

Pumping your eyebrows as you take a step forward. “I did warn you not to do this,” you remind, holding your hands out beside you and creating a kinetic energy barrier around her and slowly forcing it smaller and smaller. 

She tries to fight it, tries to find a way out of your hold, but when you sense the team recovering from what you had done to them and starting to move to defend Wanda, you force the energy down onto her, knocking her unconscious. She was your biggest threat. But with the Space Stone in your possession, she was no match to you. Not when you gave in to your powers. 

Turning around to face the team as Clint rushes over to make sure Wanda’s alright, you sigh as you come to the realization that you won’t be able to fight all of them at once. “I think I’m gonna need some help. Steve, be a doll and help,” you order, throwing a mind-controlling curse at him so he will obey your command and help you fight the team.

But, he lifts his shield and deflects the curse making it hit someone else. Bucky. 

You gasp lightly as he stumbles back and shuts his eyes. He’s fighting with his own mind, that you can clearly see. And when he opens his eyes, your heart stops when you see how emotionless they are. 

“What have you done to him?” Natasha questions, obviously startled by the look on Bucky’s face as if she’s seen that look before. 

When Steve reaches out to touch Bucky’s shoulder, he reaches for his wrist and pushes him to the ground. And suddenly, you’re not the problem anymore. Not when Bucky starts to try and punch Steve to death. 

It was a mistake and you feel terrible for doing this. But with the attention now off you and the Space Stone in your possession, you can leave. You can use the Stone’s power to create a portal to get back to Thanos. And that’s exactly what you do.

When Tony sees you’re gone, he thinks that whatever you have done to Bucky will stop. Turning to find the team trying to restrain him, he knows now why that didn’t happen. Whatever you have done has triggered the Winter Soldier programming in Bucky’s mind, something that was reassured by the Wakandan scientist, Shuri, was gone. 

You’re more powerful than any of them thought. 

You thought that you were making your own path and that you wouldn’t have to worry about anything. That you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about what you had done. But you can’t stop thinking about what you had done to Bucky. You feel...awful. 

Staring out a window of the spaceship you’ve transported yourself to, you sigh to yourself and try to gather up the strength to go and deliver the Tesseract to Thanos, get what you deserve; your praise. So, why are you stuck staring out into space? Literally. 

Catching the reflection of your new superior in the glass, you quickly snap around to face him. “Something did not go according to plan,” he speaks, walking towards you with small steps. 

You sigh, turn your gaze back to the window and shake your head. “I..hurt someone I didn’t mean to hurt,” you confess, biting the inside of your cheek as you fight the guilt building inside you. “Someone who cared about me more than anyone on the team ever did. Someone who was there for me when I felt alone.”

Thanos stands beside you, stays silent for a moment before he takes a breath. You look at him through his reflection, waiting for him to impart some kind of wisdom that will make you feel like becoming...whatever you’ve become wasn’t a mistake. “You have remarkable power and talent that they could not see. But I have seen that,” he starts, making you turn your head up to him to listen more intently. “I have given you a place where your success will not be ignored. And if you had hurt someone that stood in your way, it will not be punished,” he adds. 

It’s so different from what it was like when you were a ‘hero’. Even though you weren’t officially part of the team, when you were on a mission, you had to try and limit the number of casualties. But here, no one seems to care about that. 

Turning your gaze down to your hand as you lift it, you conjure the Tesseract so you can hold it in your hand, making the Titan warlord smile brightly as you turn to hand it to him. “I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed in you,” he states, making your heart beam with content at the praise as he takes the cube from you. 

You watch as he crushes the Tesseract in his hand so he may get to the Infinity Stone inside. And as he places the blue stone in its slot, you feel the connection with it and the Power Stone grows stronger. “What’s next?” you ask, eager for your next mission. 

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[translations-by-aiimee]

Mistakenly Saving the Villain - Chapter 6

Original Title: 论救错反派的下场

Genres: Drama, Romance, Xianxia, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 6 - The Truth Behind the Scenes

Yue Wuhuan thought that his eyes would be gouged out by Xianzun soon, and he was shaking from fear.

After Song Qingshi checked him over, he was puzzled: "Are you cold?"

Yue Wuhuan shook his head stiffly.

"If your eyes are not uncomfortable, we can treat them later." Song Qingshi judged the injuries according to its severity. He returned to the table and took off his gloves, picked up the spirit bead, and walked back over. "I found a white powdery medicine around the edges of your nails. After a preliminary inspection, I determined that it contained Deer Spring Grass and Confusion Scented Flowers, which have a strong aphrodisiac effect. In addition, I also found plant ingredients in the incense on your clothes and feather skirt attracts cats. This is the reason why the demon tiger attacked you at the banquet."

He found out. . .

Yue Wuhuan thought in despair.

This was the loophole that he had found when searching for the edge of the Acacia Seal's control. Slaves can't kill themselves, slaves must obey their master's every command. But it was also the master that was happy to see the slave perform an unbearable performance, and was also happy to see the slave played with until death.

All he was able to get were aphrodisiacs that he extracted from psychedelic ingredients. He refined it greatly to make it more likely for animals to lose their sanity.

Therefore, he calculated the time and wrapped the medicine in wax pills to delay the onset of the drugs in the demon tiger's body, and then prepared the smell on his body to attract the monsters. After the atmosphere on the court reached its peak, the demon tiger rushed out under the stimulation of the drugs. He was definitely going to be chosen as its prey. He pretended to be absent after taking the aphrodisiac and took the initiative to step forward. The guests thought it was a show arranged by Jin FeiRen and applauded.

Jin FeiRen was far too proud to do anything and had already found a new favourite anyways. He would never interfere with the entertainment of his guests. Even a little hesitation could mean the demon tiger would completely lose control and tear the guests to pieces.

Yue Wuhuan carried out this plan with the determination to die, and never thought that the truth revealed because he survived.

In Golden Phoenix Manor, if a slave was found to show signs of disobedience, he would be severely punished. What's more, what he did was calculated something behind his master's back, which was absolutely against the rules. . . But what about this?

Yue Wuhuan’s flustered heart gradually calmed down and he recalled that when he first became a slave, because he was unwilling to yield and his wood-type spiritual root was suitable for a speedy recovery, he suffered all the humiliation that the world could inflict under the control of Acacia Seal. He was forced to endure all kinds of unbearable postures, forced to admit that he was more lecherous than the most lecherous flower girl in the brothel; because the beasts thought that he never reacted sufficiently during sex, they used countless kinds of drugs to transform him into having a very sensitive physique until even the friction of ordinary cloth will make him extremely uncomfortable.

Every time he thought that he reached the limit of this hell, he would always see that hell went so much deeper. Finally, after realizing that his despair and resistance would only make those people happier, he gave up these meaningless struggles as well of the idea of getting rid of the Acacia Seal.

His body was so dirty that he just wanted to destroy it. . .

God knows that when the demon tiger rushed forward to tear his body apart, he didn't feel any pain, only utter bliss.

Whether it's plucking out his eyes or cutting off his limbs to make him into medicine, whether it's being thrown into a brothel and toyed with by thousands of people, or thrown to a beast for fun. There wouldn't be any punishment in this world that would make him feel pain.

Yue Wuhuan narrowed his smile and stopped pretending. He looked at the spirit bead coldly and provoked disrespectfully, "Now that you know, what are you going to do?"

Song Qingshi declared with certainty: "Someone wanted to harm you!"

Yue Wuhuan failed in his provocation, and almost missed a breath, thinking that he had misheard: "What?"

Song Qingshi felt that his reasoning was sound. Although he didn't read novels very much, his senior sisters said that the protagonists were good people since the bad guys acting as the protagonist couldn't pass domestic publication censorship. The system's introduction mentioned that the protagonist suffered a miserable fate. These injuries now must also be related to the original plot.

Based on the social news he had read, 80% of the people in Golden Phoenix Manor were jealous of the protagonist's beauty and favour, and want to destroy him. They must have used medicine on his body and nails! So after careful consideration, Song 'Holmes' Qingshi concluded: "I suspect that it must have been the person who dressed you that day. I will find the murderer later and give you justice."

"No." Yue Wuhuan felt that the corners of his mouth were twitching. He didn't believe that the great Xianzun could be so stupid, but the other party seemed to be very serious about making him believe that he was stupid. He didn't know what expression to put on. Finally, he answered stiffly, "There's no need. . ."

When Song Qingshi saw this kindness, he was more sure about his guess of the protagonist. He put the spirit bead into Yue Wuhuan's hands: "This thing belongs to you, so you can put it away."

Yue Wuhuan realized that the spirit bead had not been marked with new spiritual thoughts, and he was dumbfounded.

"I studied this stuff," Song Qingshi explained, "The Acacia Seal involves a spell which is decently complicated. Medicine King's Valley has no way to solve the curse. I have asked the valley servant to go to the Night Rain Pavillion to offer a reward. The master of Night Rain Pavillion said that, although the method of explaining spells is not expensive, it's rare, and it will take some time to hear back."

Yue Wuhuan was stunned for a long time after listening, and asked in a quiet voice: "What price do I need to pay?"

Song Qingshi had been helped by many people, and no one has ever asked him for something in return. He has also helped many people and has never asked for repayment.

In his eyes, the Acacia Seal is a sin against basic human rights. It was the source of the protagonist's suffering is, like the shackles on the feet of a bird. After saving the bird, it is a matter of course to untie the shackles, and it was not worth mentioning.

So he replied casually: "You can focus on recovering and just get well with peace of mind."

The valley servant came to report that the medicine boiling in the yard was almost ready.

Song Qingshi hurriedly went out to check, lest the effect of the medicine would not achieve its desired effect.

Yue Wuhuan looked in disbelief at the spirit bead in his hand, and his noisy thoughts became more confused.

In the world he knew, things that don’t cost anything were the most expensive. . .

Medicine Master Xianzun was even more well-known in the cultivation world for being cold-blooded and cruel. He never knew the meaning of the word 'mercy'. What did he want from him? His body? His life? Or what about his soul? Yue Wuhuan thought for a long time, and couldn't help but chuckle. He tightly grasped the spirit bead in his hand, determined to make a desperate move. If it meant he could get rid of the shackles, he would do anything, even if he had to sell his soul to the devil. . .

When Yue Wuhuan saw Song Qingshi bringing the medicine in, he pondered for a moment about Song Qingshi's impression of him and what he wanted from him. His expression quickly switched to a well-behaved and weak look. He carefully raised his eyes and glanced at him secretly, showing just the right amount of gratitude, leaving himself at the mercy of Song Qingshi's treatment.

This patient was super obedient! He did whatever the doctor told him to do. No matter how disgusting the medicine tasted, he would drink it in one sip. No matter how painful or irritating the needle was, he wouldn't make a sound! He would also thank the doctor in a gentle voice. Song Qingshi took care of him with a sense of accomplishment. He hoped all the patients in the world could be as well behaved as him.

The physical regenerative skills of the wood spirit root were amazing, and the wound on the shoulder of Wuhuan would scab over in five days.

After Song Qingshi checked him over, he was allowed to get out of bed. He was ordered to spend more time in the sun and Song Qingshi proceeded to prepare for the next treatment.

The Medicine Master, whether it was the original body or the current Song Qingshi, does not care much about what he wore. Therefore, the Medicine Master rarely had shark silk or ice silk. The hospital gowns prepared by the valley servants were made of ordinary cotton, which was comfortable for ordinary people, but Yue Wuhuan felt uncomfortable with the friction of the fabric, so he dared not stray too far from the palace. He only took a few steps then stopped.

At night, Song Qingshi noticed that he was walking strangely, so he went to check on him. He didn't expect the slight touch to his collarbone. He hadn't gone down yet and he was still making a fool of himself.

Yue Wuhuan looked at Song Qingshi's stunned expression and those clear eyes that held no evil intentions. The shame that hadn't appeared for a long time came out. He couldn't help avoiding those gentle hands and curled up into the dark corner.

The contrast between purity and sex, clean and dirty, brought out the unbearable reality.

Yue Wuhuan repeated the truths he learned a long time ago in his heart over and over again.

Even if the Acacia Seal was lifted, he couldn't erase the past. . .

Song Qingshi pulled his hand back in embarrassment. He looked at the person hiding in the dark, opening his mouth, not knowing what to say.

Yue Wuhuan quickly realized that what he did was wrong. The other party had long known that he was not a clean person, and it would only be more embarrassing to try and cover it up. He quickly collected himself, and his figure slowly unfolded from the dark depths.

When he smiled and raised his eyes to look at Song Qingshi, there was a thick lust in his eyes. He licked his lips, put his hand on his belt, and said the shameful words that he was used to: "It's so hot, Xianzun wants to see look at this slave's body?"

Rather than letting someone discover he was embarrassed by his body, he would rather take the initiative to show the embarrassment. No matter what kind of contempt and humiliation he endured, as long as he convinced himself that he was a shameless bastard, his heart wouldn't be sad.

Song Qingshi woke up to what was happening before he started to strip off his clothes. He rapidly lowered all the curtains to block the spring scenery in the room.

Yue Wuhuan's ambiguous voice stopped abruptly.

Song Qingshi calmly said: "It's too late, the patient needs to rest."

Yue Wuhuan sat blankly on the bed, watching the faint figure outside the bed's canopy putting out the luminous beads, and then lighting the incense burner. The faint medicinal scent mixed with the smell of agarwood swept over, letting his feverish body gradually cool down. He slowly lay down, curling up again in the lonely darkness.

He suddenly realized that no one would be ravishing him tonight. There was no need to speak disgusting words, let alone force himself to flatter. There was no messy smell in the air, only the unspeakable clean air, which made his always vigilant mind begin to grow dizzy. His eyelids could not stay open, and he dragged into his dreamland.

There was no hell in this dream, only the fragrance of the magnolia tree outside his childhood bedroom window. . .

His body gradually relaxed and he immersed himself in this sweet dream that he hadn't experience for such a long time.

. . .

Song Qingshi stood silently outside the door for a long time, lost in his thought.

Once he was sure that Peaceful Soul Fragrance had played its role, he went back in. Holding the luminous beads, he gently opened the curtain, sat on the side of the bed, and looked at the various problems hidden in this scarred body again with his spiritual thoughts.

After a while, he withdrew his thoughts and quietly looked at Yue Wuhuan’s face. His eyes were clenched shut, and the completely relaxed youth's charming attitude had faded away. He was like a sleeping wild cat with his claws sheathed. Letting his vigilance fade away, as if forgetting the pain he had suffered and showing his true colours.

Freedom, pride, stubbornness. . .

His life should never have been what it was now.

Song Qingshi gently pulled the blanket around him. He brushed his tousled long hair carefully behind his ears, and promised in a low voice:

"I will heal you."

[jiejie-eonni-onee-sama]

The deepest soul

A Geralt of Rivia X Reader for the dearest @redrosewritingsstuff​

Hope you’ll love the story.

In a empty road, two men were horse-riding to a small town.

The strongest one was known as Geralt de Riv, the notorious Witcher, while his companion was the famous bard Jaskier Dandelion, whose spellbinding voice enchanted many royal courts.

"So, if my memory serves me well, we're heading to the port town of Socalyn, because they need your services?" asked Jaskier.

"Right" answered Geralt.

"But do you know specifically why they need you?"

"No, but as long as I'm paid, I don't care."

"All right, but imagine they weren't paying you. What would you do?"

"I'll deal with it."

The bard let out a long sigh.

"Knowing yourself, you are probably going to do a massacre ... But hey, why think the worst? In the meantime, I would like to know why we asked for your services."

"Without a doubt, the problem is huge!"

"I hope we don't run into a dragon or whatever other jinns that's going to get us into trouble!"

Geralt smirked.

"I thought you had an adventurous spirit!"

"Adventurer, sure, but not crazy!" Dandelion replied, annoyed.

After an hour's drive, they arrived at the gates of the city. 

The Witcher felt the people's gaze on him as if he was one of the monsters he fought every day. Even if he grew used to this situation, he still hated it.

Dandelion felt his comrade's nervousness rise and gently patted him on the shoulder:

"Everything is fine, don't worry."

"Hope you're right. Now let's try to find a place to sleep."

"Say no more, and hold my beer," answered Dandelion, dismounting from his horse and starting to play his lute.

"I warn you, Jaskier Dandelion, if you dare to sing this ridiculous song ..." growled Geralt.

But the bard, pretending to hear nothing, started to sing his famous ballad, Toss A Coin To Your Witcher.

And as if by magic, the talent of the bard made its effect on the crowd who applauded him wildly and offered him several silver coins.

After thanking his generous audience, Dandelion turned to the witcher, with a broad smile:

"See, Geralt, we won't have to worry about finding us a room for tonight."

"If you say so ..." the latter muttered, rolling his eyes.

However, while he would never admit it out loud, he had to recognize that without Dandelion's help, things would be more complicated.

Suddenly, a richly dressed man came to meet them, escorted by several armed men.

"Oh, we have company." the bard panicked.

"I see this ... Stay behind me." scolded the warrior who brandished his sword as Dandelion rushed to hide behind the witcher's towering mass.

The man approached them and said:

"I am Arkon Gerenyon, Lord Mayor of this city. You must be the famous witcher Geralt of Rivia, and his companion, the illustrious bard Jaskier Dandelion."

"Mmmh ... yes?" the bard replied, worried.

"What do you want ?" Geralt asked aggressively.

The Lord answered them with a broad smile:

"In that case, gentlemen, I welcome you to my humble city. I didn't think you would arrive so soon, but the main thing is that you are there."

"I take it you were the one who wanted my services?" the witcher asked, intrigued.

"Exactly, Sir de Riv. But we'll talk about this in due course. Follow me, please."

The two men looked at each other curiously: what did all this mean?

Curious to know the reason for their coming, they followed Sir Gerenyon to his home ...

Once they arrived at Gerenyon's mansion, they were received with great honor and were entitled to their room. And as the Lord of Socalyn did not do things by halves, he invited them to his table, to the delight of Dandelion, who was very hungry.

During the meal, Gerenyon explained to Geralt the reason for his coming:

"Witcher, if I brought you and your traveling companion over, it's because I thought you could help us."

"In what ?" Dandelion asked, devouring a chicken thigh.

"Well, for some time now, we have been sorely lacking in fish. However, for a port city like ours, no longer having fish in the nets of our fishermen is causing us several problems. Moreover, some of our ships sank without any explanation."

"And what am I doing in this story?"

"I'm coming here. After an investigation by my advisor, we discovered that a mermaid had taken up residence near our shores. We are sure that this creature is responsible for our problems."

"A MERMAID? Incredible!" yelped the bard.

"And... you expect me to get rid of her?" inquired Geralt.

"Absolutely. You'll be generously rewarded if you kill this evil being. You had my word!"

Geralt and Jaskier looked at each other, puzzled: neither of them expected to cross paths with one of the most fascinating yet deadly creatures which ever existed.

But the challenge was exciting, so they accepted it.

A few days later.

Night fells on the town of Socalyn, and all its inhabitants were sleeping. Everyone but Geralt and Dandelion, who were sitting on the seabank while they waited for the mermaid to show up.

For three days, they had set traps to try to capture the creature, but the latter had outsmarted them all. 

They realized that they had no choice and that they were going to have to catch it on their own. The bard and the witcher waited for a sign of her presence for three hours, in the dark and the cold, as Dandelion's chattering teeth prove.

"B-but how do you t-to endure such a blizzard?"

"The habit."

"Thank you, I noticed that."

"You should have taken a thicker coat."

The bard didn't answer but admitted that the witcher was right. Trying to distract himself, he took out his lute and began to play a tune.

"Put this away immediately!" growled Geralt.

"But why ?"

"Don't be kidding! If we want to get our hands on this mermaid, we have to be discreet!"

"But I'm bored!"

"Do as I say!"

Letting out a long sigh, Dandelion put down his lute and began to grumble:

"How do you want me to forget I'm cold if you keep me from expressing my creativity?"

"Don't express anything and just focus!"

"Old grumpy indestructible!" hissed the bard, who crossed his arms and waited for more.

The two men were silent for a long time until they heard a whisper in the night.

"What was that? Have you heard it?"

"Yes."

And, to their astonishment, a beautiful voice chanted through the darkness:

Toss a coin to your Witcher!

O' Valley of Plenty

O' Valley of Plenty, oh

Toss a coin to your Witcher!

A friend of humanity.

"Well, sounds like she appreciates my work... unlike you!"

"Quiet! She is not far from us!" snarled Geralt drawing his broad sword from its scabbard.

Panicking, Dandelion tried to pull away from the water's edge, but instead, he slipped and fell backward into the water.

"JASKIER!" yelled the witcher, rushing to help the bard.

Fortunately, the latter rose to the surface, gasping for air.

"Damn, I thought I was going to drown!"

Suddenly, he felt a presence next to him. He turned and was amazed at the beautiful face of a young woman who was looking at him curiously. Her long hair that cascaded over her shoulders, her mesmerizing eyes, her fair skin that glistened in the moonlight, and her ruby lips made her the most beautiful person he had ever met.

For his part, Geralt was relieved to see the bard safe and sound, but he was intrigued by his companion's mysterious savior. There was something enigmatic, seductive, but also innocent in her features. Nothing alarming at first glance, but you shouldn't let your guard down.

Coming to his senses, the bard smiled at the young woman:

"Thank you very much for your help, dear young lady. Without your help, I would probably be at the bottom of the water. Can I ask you your name?"

"(F / N)," the young woman whispered with a soft smile.

"What a beautiful name, for such a lovely savior."

The young woman giggled.

"Thank you."

Geralt rolled his eyes: No matter the situation, Jaskier Dandelion will remain an incorrigible seducer.

"Instead of doing your charm act, come back this way before you catch a cold!"

"Oh, I'm dreaming! The terrible Geralt of Rivia is worried about me?"

"Come back here, before I regret it!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming ..." sighed the bard, who swam towards the shore, accompanied by the young woman.

But as the bard climbed onto dry land, the witcher saw a detail that surprised him: instead of seeing legs, he saw a shimmering fishtail of a thousand colors.

"Dandelion ..."

"What? What's wrong with Geralt?"

"At the risk of surprising you, I think we found our mermaid."

"What do you mean ?"

Dandelion began to understand when he saw the fishtail.

"OH MY GOD!"

To their surprise, they saw immense sadness appear on the young woman's face.

"And there you go, it's always the same: As soon as I help a human, he gets scared and calls me a monster. So it will never end?"

Oddly, the mermaid's words sounded familiar to the witcher. And there was no evidence that she was acting to trick them.

Sheathing his sword, he approached her and asked:

"Why did you save Dandelion?"

"He sounded nice ... and I love listening to his songs."

"Thanks, I appreciate the compliment."

(F / N) smirked before returning his attention to Geralt.

"You are not human. Am I wrong?"

"Indeed."

The mermaid's smile widened.

"So you must be the witcher of the song."

"Unfortunately, yes." he chuckled.

"Oh, shut up! I know that you are flattered to have your own song!" Dandelion retorted.

The bard asked the young woman:

"But then, if you are not the dangerous creature everyone is talking about, why are the inhabitants accused you of all their misfortunes?"

"I don't know why, but I swear to you it wasn't I who ran away from the fish or sunk the fishing boats."

The answer became crystal clear to Geralt.

"They are afraid."

"Sorry?"

"They are afraid of her, so they accuse her of being the root of their problems."

"Something you know all too well," Dandelion told him sympathetically.

"Yes."

The three individuals remained silent before Geralt said:

"Now that we know the truth, what do we do?"

"Aren't you going to hand her over to these bullies?"

"No."

"Phew, at least some good news. In that case ... let's take her with us."

"And how would we do it? Let me point out that she has a fishtail, not legs."

"I think we can fix this problem." replied the young woman, pulling herself up onto dry land.

And under the dumbfounded eyes of the two men, the fish scales gave way to a pair of long, thin legs.

"Oh. Here's a surprise." Dandelion replied, amused.

"I admit that this is not trivial."

"Now, do you want us to take her with us? I beg you, say yes!"

The witcher shrugged.

"We can take him, but how are we going to get the money back?"

Dandelion smirked mischievously.

"I think I have an idea. Here's what we're going to do ..."

The next morning.

Arkon Gerenyon was puzzled at the story Geralt and Dandelion had just told him.

"So, if I understood correctly, after you fought the mermaid, you managed to defeat her, but she sank to the bottom of the water before you could take a trophy, is that it?"

"It is the strict truth, my lord. I saw the whole scene with my own eyes." the bard swore.

The witcher was content to remain silent and observe his traveling companion lying with impunity to an aristocrat. But knowing Dandelion, he knows he will be convincing.

And he was right because, after a few minutes of silent reflection, the Lord of Socalyn declared:

"Indeed, it is a great pity that I cannot hang the head of this creature on my wall. But anyway, I am satisfied with your work, gentlemen. You are free to go, your money is waiting for you near your horses."

After thanking their employer, the two men left the scene and resumed their journey, their pockets filled with gold coins.

"So, didn't I tell you it would work?"

"It especially proves that you are a good talker!"

"Ungrateful! I made you rich!" Dandelion snapped.

In response, he heard a slight laugh coming from Geralt. This reaction made him smile.

"Hallelujah! I made the biggest grumpy of all time laugh!"

"Don't overdo it! Let's not waste time, we have to get back on the road!"

"You're right, but above all ..."

He called.

"(F / N), you can come, we are alone."

Immediately, the young mermaid left her hiding place and climbed on Roach.

"Can we go?"

"Since everyone is here, let's go!"

And our trio set off on new adventures. Time passed, and the more he got to know her, the more Geralt began to like (F / N) ... all under Dandelion's amused and tender gaze.

One evening, when they had stopped near a lake, the young mermaid decided to take a swim because she had missed her natural element. But very quickly, she felt that she was being watched.

She turned and smiled when she saw Geralt sitting on the edge, a slight smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?"

"You look ... happy. And I'm glad you're smiling with us."

"I owe both of you my happiness ... and especially you, Geralt."

She lowered her eyes slightly and asked in a shy voice:

"Do you ... want to join me?"

No answer. Ashamed and disappointed, (F/N) was about to leave when she felt the water stir gently. She raised her head and met the witcher's amber gaze. The latter was only in his pants and moved closer to her, leaving a small distance between their faces.

"I'd rather act than talk. Don't blame me."

"I don't blame you. After all, it's in your nature."

"So what's yours, mermaid?"

"Let me show you."

"I follow you."

And without a word, their lips collided, and their hands were on their bodies.

As they took advantage of this unreal moment, the two lovers had no idea that Dandelion was watching them, a broad smile on his lips.

"That promises a great story ... Oh, I have an idea!"

Grabbing his lute, the bard began to play a few notes and sang his new song:

From the forest to the peak,

His heart, the witcher thought he lost.

He wanted it back at any cost,

As he was scared to be weak.

Little did he know,

His heart lays in the shallow.

But a gentle lady,

Sweet and pretty,

Found it and cherished this treasure.

Moved by her love,

The witcher offered her

His love, his life, and his sword.

O Destiny,

You the Almighty!

Please, protect them,

And tell us all the tale

Of the Witcher and the Mermaid!

And for the bard, it was probably one of the most beautiful stories he ever sang.

Hope you lik the story! Don’t hesitate to request!

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Sing Me to Sleep: Three

“There you are,” Thor rumbled, letting himself in the bathroom where you were toweling your hair and took over the task gently. “Bruce was afraid you’d fallen asleep standing up.”

You smile a little and turn your head to kiss his bicep. “Not quite. It was close though.”

Thor my a soft sound, almost like a grunt and  picked up a dry towel to wrap you in, “This can’t continue, love,” he rumbled. “You’re a mortal woman… You’re going to get very sick.”

“There isn’t much choice,” you sigh.

“Except their is-”

“The lesser of two evils is still evil,” you murmur. “I’m not a hero. I just want to be better than I was.”

“Sweetheart,” Thor protested, “Who you were-”

You hold up a hand and pick a shirt off the laundry basket. You aren’t sure if it’s Thor’s or Bruce’s but it doesn’t really matter. “Thor,” you sigh, “Who I was was a criminal. Who I was should be in jail. The only reason I’m NOT is because I happened to be… talented.”

Thor exhaled slowly, “How long are you going to allow yourself to be punished?”

“Whether you like it or not,” you tell him softly, “This is where I can do the most good.”

“At what cost?” he countered, handing you a clean pair of panties with a frown. 

“At no cost I’m not willing to pay,” you answer, taking them from him. 

Thor folds his arms across his chest and watches you critically for a moment. You look pale still. Exhausted. Your eyes are glassy. And he knows. Of course, that part of it is that you really are tired. But what worries him is the weight you’ve lost. That you’re slower to smile. More withdrawn when you are at home. 

“Y/N,” he murmured, “Please.”

You stop and look up at him, “What would you have me do?”

“Just- Why can’t we talk to Stark?”

“So I can be an experiment? Or an Agent?”

Thor pulled you closer and picked up a hairbrush, “Sweetheart. My darling Girl. You’re one of the best parts of a very long life. And I do not enjoy watching you break yourself a part. You are lighting yourself on fire trying to keep the world warm… and We. Are we just to be without you?”

“I worked so hard, Thor,” you murmur. “I tried so hard… All I want is to make good.”

Thor tilted your chin up gently and brushed a kiss over your lips, “And you are… You do wondrous things. But you are one person doing the work of dozens.”

“Maybe not dozens,” you snort. 

Thor smiled a little, “No, perhaps not,” he sighed, “But. You do more than you should.”

“Maybe no one else does as much as they should,” you shrug.

And Thor lets you go, following behind you with a hairbrush, mulling over your words. You were right, of course. You did work no one else wanted to do. That at BEST people applauded from a safe distance and at worse, actively derided and tried to get your programs defunded. 

He was still thinking in the living room, as Bruce fussed and took your vitals again. You evidently had a low grade fever that he wanted to keep an eye on. Thor watched, smiling a little as Bruce plied you with food and some sort of medicine for the fever, largely ignoring your protests and gently reminding you that you were never sick. And when you were, you tended to do it like you did everything. Overboard. 

Bruce stood over you and waited while you took the medication and then promptly rewarded you with kisses and a brownie. “I’m not a baby,” you grouse fondly, between kisses. 

“No,” Bruce said, refilling your glass of juice, “But you came home and fainted. And now you have a fever. You’re gearing up to get very sick. And things being what they are… If Thor and I have to leave, there won’t be anyone to look after you.”

“Indeed,” Thor echoed, taking his own seat at the table and helping himself from the containers of food he ordered. 

“You two know that I AM in fact, really capable of looking after myself?” you ask, taking a bite of mashed potatoes.

“Yes,” They answer together as Bruce takes a seat.

“But we don’t want you to have to,” Bruce said softly. He and Thor both remembered how they had even met you to start with. You were trapped. Pinned down by Hydra agents that seemed intent on getting a hold of you dead or alive. They didn’t know what you could do. Or what you were. But. You’d made a stand. Looked imminent death in the face and helped their actual target, A little boy with big green eyes and the ability to start fires with his mind, escape with his mother. You were battered and broken and still trying to fight back. In his minds eye, Thor saw you as a butterfly bound to a board by a pin. The life. The will to fight, draining out of you slowly.

 And Bruce? He saw a terrier trying to face down a wolf pack. Trying valiantly but doomed to fail. And when your shouts and screams suddenly, heart breakingly became a whimper as you hit your knees in a puddle of your own blood, still resolutely silent. Refusing to give up his location. They knew that there was no way they could leave you be. 

Thor, instead of echoing Bruce, put more on your plate and kissed the side of your head. “You’re ours,” he said after a moment. “And that comes with specific obligations.”

“But what about me taking care of you?” you counter, taking a sip of juice. 

“You do,” Thor said, smiling a little. “You give us balance… And pancakes on Sundays.”

You smile a little, “That seems a little uneven compared with all this.”

“We don’t get sick,” Bruce reminds you gently. “And I only fight as the Hulk, who’s mostly indestructible. And Thor has a healing factor… And you take care of us when we get home regardless.”

“Still-”

“Still nothing,” Thor rumbled, “You’re ours and that’s all that matters.”

[queenklu]

Christmas Carol 2019 aka A New Scrooge

(TW for mentions of child abuse and threatened sexual assault) 

Last night I watched the new Christmas Carol on Hulu, and spent 90% of the three hour movie (jfc Muppets did it in half that) wanting to rip my own face off. 

But that last 10% though. 

Okay but backing up, I was already predisposed to hate this, WHY bother doing the same story over again if you’re not going to do anything NEW, but they’d already promised the audience this was going to be a Gritty Grimdark Remake (TM) when they opened the movie with a scene of a kid pissing on Bob Marley’s grave. 

The changes they make are substantial in some respects. Belle is almost entirely cut out of the movie. The Ghost of Christmas Past gets more than a full hour and a half of screen time, leaving the other two ghosts scrambling to get in 15 minutes here or there. 

They give Scrooge an abusive, alcoholic father who kills Scrooge’s pet mouse in front of him, then sends him to boarding school for years so that the headmaster can molest Scrooge over winter break in exchange for waving the fees. 

“Ah,” says Scrooge after enduring these flashbacks, “see, this explains me, this excuses me! Everything bad I’ve done was a reflection of the evils of my childhood!” 

I...rankled at this quite a bit, and even though the Ghost of Christmas Past calls him on his bullshit, this was so far from OG Scrooge’s well-off, middle class, mildly neglected upbringing that I wanted to fling Hulu out the window. The POINT of OG Scrooge is that he became evil despite the goodness in his life, which he chose to ignore (Belle, his sister) in favor of wallowing in the bad. 

The ghost goes on to show Scrooge a coal mine where, because Scrooge scrimped on timber, collapsed on Christmas eve. Scrooge shows eons more regret for the horses who died than the dozens of men and children. 

AND THEN. 

OHHHHH THEN. 

At the VERY LAST SECOND he stops and tells her he only wanted to see if she WOULD, belittles her for claiming to be a “good person,” and then threatens to tell her husband if Bob Cratchit ever tries to quit. 

Me: *boiling with incandescent rage*  

The Ghost of Christmas Present is his sister, who drags him mercilessly for his “scientific mind” disregarding acts of human kindness as worthless--that’s great, Lottie, what stopped you from doing this when he was alive?--and the Ghost of Christmas Past is sufficiently grimdark with his mouth sewn shut while he shows Scrooge his death. It ends with Scrooge sitting against his own (urine streaked) headstone while he watches the Cratchits have Christmas around Tiny Tim’s grave. 

Bob Marley shows up. “The ghosts told me they did their work,” he says. “Well? Have you listened? Will you repent?” 

Here we go, I thought. 

“No,” says Scrooge. “No, I refuse. I refuse to change.”

Me: 

Marley: For God’s sake, Ebenezer, why? 

Scrooge: This fate, this second-class piss covered grave is exactly what I deserve. And if redemption were to result in some kind of forgiveness I do not want it.  

Me: *very quietly* what is happening

Scrooge: The only...the only thing I want the spirits to change is to spare the life of Tiny Tim. 

Marley disappears, and so do the ghosts, and Tiny Tim’s gravestone. Scrooge runs back through the city and falls on his ass on the ice, realizing afterward that people do acts of kindness all the time without expectation of thanks or reward (like throwing gravel on the road). He gives Cratchit 500 pounds and his blessing for quitting, promising to shut down his company, and (!!!) they don’t fall over themselves to applaud his generosity over years of torment and abuse. (!!!!!!!)

In fact, Mrs. Cratchit sees him to the door and says, “I don’t know what happened to you, and I don’t care. Your 500 pounds will be welcome, but it will not buy forgiveness.” 

Scrooge: Nor should forgiveness ever be earned, nor expected nor wanted. My business now is the future. I will just be the best I can be.

And......I haven’t stopped thinking about it. How that one twist made an otherwise baffling and infuriating version of this story suddenly make sense. Charles Dickens wasn’t writing this holiday parable with a modern day audience in mind, obviously--especially not for a generation of people who’ve watched The Good Place, who understand that doing good things for bad reasons (aka redemption) is still wrong.

Of course Scrooge shouldn’t be redeemed, in this or any other version. Christmas has very little to do with it. There should be no get out of hell free card at the end of your life if you spend the majority of it being a monster. 

That the POINT is to do our best by each other, as much and as often as we can, and be good humans.  Make sure the evils in our lives aren’t reflected onto future generations through spite or neglect. 

Anyway. Happy Holidays. Be good to each other. 

[supposedlyawitch]

shadow work

i found a site that explains shadow work and i want to do some work with it and i’m willing to share the details the site has here. I’m putting this also here so i can look back on it. I already know my shadow is probably bigger and deeper than all the oceans combined. it might be interesting to explore, it might not, but it has to be done. This is basically free therapy.

Please note: Shadow Work exercises should not be undertaken if you struggle with low self-esteem. Exploring your demons will likely make you feel a million times worse about yourself and may spiral into self-hatred. Before doing Shadow Work, I strongly and emphatically encourage you to work on Self-Love. Shadow Work should only be undertaken by those who have healthy and stable self-worth, and a friendly relationship with themselves. See this article on how to love yourself for more guidance.

Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history.  These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self (see our Collective Shadow article for a deeper explanation).

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’ (We’ll explore how the Shadow is formed next.)

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow. There are no exceptions here. The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side. This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

“I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

“I have never strayed.”

“God is proud of me.”

“Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

“Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

“I’m a role model.”

“I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

“I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadows.

How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists Steve Price and David Haynes write:

But, as we develop our ego personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

Each of us is like Dorian Grey. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanour; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviours that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming and invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work in order to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality have a tendency to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

Emotional and mental manipulation of others

Greed and addictions

Phobias and obsessive compulsions

Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

Intense anxiety

Chronic psychosomatic illness

Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

Sexual perversion

Narcissistically inflated ego

Chaotic relationships with others

Self-loathing

Self-absorption

Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadows is through psychological projection.

The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection. Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix.

Why?

Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

More confidence to be your authentic self

More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

Increased compassion and understanding for others, particularly those you dislike

Enhanced creativity

Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

Improved physical and mental health

More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

Access to your Soul or Higher Self

A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

Seven Tips For Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, it’s important for you to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

Have you practiced self-love yet? If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadows will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

Are you prepared to make time? Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths which are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

Understand that you are not your thoughts. It is essential for you to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

Practice self-compassion. It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

Record everything you find. Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given power to in my life unconsciously, because what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. A part of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or a childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self.  His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness.  If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature.  Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have a number of  Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

The Sorcerer

The Dictator

The Victim

The Shadow Witch

The Addict

The Idiot

The Trickster

The Destroyer

The Slave

The Shadow Mother

The Hag

The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1.  The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2.  The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5.  The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6.  The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7.  The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8.  The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9.  The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10.  The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11.  The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12.  The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13.  The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

[devnny]

CHAPTER SIX.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

is it really chapter six already. good lord. this one is PRETTY ZESTY. devi is big mad.... or is she??? [dramatic music]

Dear Diary,

WHAT JOY!

I met with Devi again tonight, and she still wants to mentor me! Forget all my previous musings about drinking rat poison or slamming an iron maiden door on myself.

I can hardly wait for the rest of this night and tomorrow’s day to pass so it will be night again and I can go over!! I will be a better student now, with no stabbing to be had, I swear it.

--

Johnny’s hand shook as he wrote, his bones rattling with excitement that what he scrawled on his diary’s pages was really true and not some lovely illusion his brain thought up to deal with immense emotional pain. He was almost salivating in manic joy – Devi was so un-enraged! Her screaming and threats of violence the last time he was in her apartment were so scary, and he had expected the same treatment tonight, BUT NO! She was angry but she was forgiving! Well, to an extent. SO EXCITING!

“You see, Johnny?” Meat kept his voice as kind as he could. “Giving in to your feelings isn’t so bad.”

Johnny paid him an annoyed pout before returning to his gleeful wandering about the house. He had nothing to do with his energy besides move – or maybe he should draw? Devi would be pleased with that!

“You must agree with me this time.”

“HUSH! You will not ruin this for me.” Johnny spoke as he gathered up the pens and pencils he had splayed across the floor several nights ago. He plucked them up like flowers into his hand, shuffling along the floor with his knees bent.

“I’m not trying to ruin anything for you, Johnny boy!” The ceramic grinned. “I told you, I’m trying to help you! And look, expressing your feelings made that Devi girl happy, didn’t it?”

Johnny stood, his bushel of art supplies tucked to his chest, and thought over Meat’s statement.

“Hmm.” He looked off. Meat’s smile didn’t waver.

“It was that heartfelt-ness that moved her. She’s happy with you.”

Johnny scoffed, though his heart quickened at the concept of Devi being ‘happy’ with him.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, meaty-guy. Devi isn’t happy-happy, she’s just not on the verge of bludgeoning me! I will have to do much more than apologize if I want to make her… happy.”

“You’re right! Why not go out and buy her some candies. Write her a poem, perhaps?” Meat suggested. Johnny brushed him off again.

“NO, no, none of your stupid interjecting.” He brought up his double palmful of pens and pencils. “Drawing will make her more pleased than food and words.”

Meat sucked in a sigh, irritated, but made no attempt to argue.

-

THE FOLLOWING DAY:

“No, it went… surprisingly well, actually.” Devi spoke into her headset as she whisked the bristles of her brush inside a jar.

“OH?” Tenna’s voice pitched from the headphones.

“Yeah, he blabbered on about how he’s stupid and completely reliant on instinct, as far as his attacks go, anyway. He reacts without thought when he feels victimized, and regrets it, wants to control it, blah blah blah…” Devi tapered off, deciding to not bring up whatever his deal was with her eyes and how he loves them, or, whatever that was. Tenna hummed a high note.

“That’s good, but also kinda, a problem, isn’t it?” She asked.

“Not a problem I’m not willing to handle.” Devi replied, tabbing her paintbrush across her canvas. Tenna tsss’d at her.

“You’re okay to deal with… potentially life-threatening attacks?”

“I had to be when I started this stupid venture; knowing the cause of it is at least something to work with. Besides,” Her mouth pulled up into a smile. “I have an idea of how to work it out of him.”

“That sounds rather ominous.” Tenna said, and Devi cackled back.

“He needs exposure.” She spoke confidently. “If he learns how to process little bits of cruelty properly, he can learn to bite his metaphorical tongue until controlling his outbursts is easy.”

Tenna made a face over the phone.

“You’re just going to be mean to him until he gets used to it??”

“Exactly. And then maybe I’ll be nice after.”

“DOESN’T THAT SEEM… KINDA DANGEROUS?” Tenna tried to reason with her. “That’s like poking at a rabid dog with a big stick!! That’s like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull!”

“He doesn’t scare me.” Devi punctuated the sentence with a harsh dot on her canvas. “And he better know better than to piss me off at this point.”

“He doesn’t know SHIT.”

Devi laughed at that.

“I’m just going to be critiquing him harder instead of being so gentle about it. Why am I coddling his low self-esteem, anyway? He needs to hear it, and he needs to get used to it.” She assured her friend. “It’s not like I’m just going to be rude to him from the minute he gets here and bully him until he leaves.”

“Oh…” Tenna frowned. “Well, I guess that’s a little better, but still… you should be careful with him.”

“He’s had his chance for me being careful and nice.” She bit out. “Anyway, I need to work on this before Johnny shows up, so I’ll talk to you later I guess.”

“HEE-HEE. You know, one thing I like about this Nny guy is that you talk to me more now that he’s around to bug you.” Tenna grinned cheekily at the phone, as if Devi could see.

“You called me.”

“But you answered!” Tenna chimed, and Devi shook her head.

“Bye, Ten.”

-

6:00PM (SHARP!):

Johnny knocked on the door, proud of the promptness of his arrival. He had a large rolled paper and his pencil bag tucked under his other arm, and he bounced on his heels impatiently as he waited for Devi to answer. His shoulders cocked back when he heard the locks undoing, and the smile he wore pushed out wide.

“Hi!” He greeted her excitedly as the door opened, and Devi stared at him with a confused, open-mouth half-smile.

“Hey, Nny.” She knew he was glad to be closer to her good graces than not, but he seemed like he might burst with excitement just standing there.

“I drew while I was away!” Johnny declared eagerly, jutting the paper tube toward her with his free hand. Devi looked down to it in surprise before taking it from him gingerly.

“Oh,” She hesitated. “—good, good.”

She waited a beat, wondering why he was just standing there expectantly, before realizing that she was blocking the doorway and turned to the side to allow him in. Johnny quickly entered, immediately making his way to his ‘spot’ at the coffee table. He sat on the floor and hurriedly emptied the contents of his bag onto the table, sorting the materials of his workspace across its surface without hesitation. Devi watched him with some surprise – she had never seen him so eager to start one of their little sessions. She chalked it up to his misguided idea that she had ‘forgiven’ him, and closed the door.

As she plopped down onto the couch, Johnny perked up, hopeful that she would be pleased with the drawings he offered. Devi unfurled the paper, and raised her eyebrows at the unexpected attempts at realism. This reaction only served to kindle Johnny’s excitement further.

“I only had some garbage things to use as models, but the shadows were very difficult.” He commented as he watched her eyes wander over the page.

Devi couldn’t say she wasn’t impressed with his efforts. It was more like something out of a preteen’s art class, but it was a big jump from stick figures, that was for sure. And his subjects certainly were garbage; a crushed can, a tissue wad, empty cups, bent silverware – but you could tell that’s what they were supposed to be, at least! Some of the light sources were wrong, but his hard, erratic lines had an amount of personality to them that she liked.

A breath sucked in between her teeth. This was such an improvement, she would feel awful to hit him with some rough criticism right off the bat. Ugh, damn her bleeding heart.

“These are…” The lump in her throat fell, unable to squash his enthusiasm. “—great, Nny. Really great.”

Johnny’s eyes glimmered back at her, his smile barely able to keep hold on his face while he absorbed her praise, his jaw instead wanting to hang open. He hinged it shut again after a moment, bringing a grin back up with him as he swallowed. He wanted to scream his elation at the top of his lungs and barrage Devi with insistent ‘thank you’s, but managed to keep the words trapped wafting around in his chest like a bubble.

“Thank you.” He exhaled, eyes on the table.

Devi inched back further on the couch, second-guessing her decision to praise him. She knew that’s what he wanted to hear, and maybe it was a bad idea to give him what he wanted so soon. Or maybe she was spiteful, and it rubbed her wrong to reward him regardless. Could be either. She had no time to dwell on it, and tapped the table with her knuckle to garner his attention.

“I’ll be expecting even more from you now, Nny.” She told him, somewhere between approval and a warning. The nervous smile he held made Devi feel a little better about her small act of kindness.

-

SOME TIME LATER:

Part of her felt badly every time Johnny’s eyes fell as she critiqued his work, but the other part of her felt absolute, pure, vindictive satisfaction every time she got the chance to. She felt like an evil middle school art teacher, holding the poor self-esteem of the nasty little student that continuously misbehaved in class, tight in her unforgiving claws. He looked so disappointed – whether it was in his efforts, or that she didn’t readily applaud him, she didn’t know – but Devi would remind herself, and him, that you don’t improve by being lied to with sweet words.

But then she would throw him a compliment about the lining on something, or the perspective on this, or the dialogue here, and that was enough to keep his engine chugging along.

In her now very limited free time, she would brag to Tenna that her plan was working rather well. At a point, as the weeks wore on, Johnny had come to expect the harsh comments from her and would brace himself accordingly. Devi felt some pride each time she saw his jaw tighten; a subtle physical indication that he was holding something back, holding something in. The evidence that he could, in fact, control himself in any small increment, was promising.

So she tried harsher words – words that would warm her own face as they passed from her brain out of her mouth. “Ugly” or “stupid”; words that should never go hand-in-hand with mentorship. Aloof interest in his completed projects, asking him cruel questions, like if he truly felt this was “completed”, or if he bothered to try at all.

It was very dangerous. Johnny argued the first few times, aggressive in his own defense, but would shortly quiet himself – very good, Devi thought. That anger being there was the point in all of this. If he made no show of it, there was no indication he was making any improvement in his emotional discipline, and she didn’t want him to be taking her verbal lashings without a fight simply because he respected her. As though his brain digested the vile things she spewed at him without any alarm bells or security measures, because it was her, and she got a free pass.

Tonight was the night she planned to go completely overboard. A ridiculous amount of bitchiness for a multipage comic that certainly didn’t deserve the cruelty she was going to bestow upon it, but would be the necessary martyr, the ever-important climax to this reckless ploy of hers. She informed Tenna that there would indeed be yelling, on her part, this evening, and to please not involve the police. Tenna was free to intervene with the cops, or a big can of mace, if she heard any screams of terror afterward, though.

Johnny had brought the finished comic pages with him, and was none too enthused about handing them over to her. Devi’s heart pounded as she prepared herself for the overly-aggressive response she had been rehearsing in her head for days, and she had prayed to the unmerciful theater-goth gods that she had the salt to maintain her malicious act without even a shake or crack in her voice. And, to like, any other deities, that might want to provide her with a little divine protection from Johnny should he want to lash out physically. That would be nice.

And it was quite a performance; false insult at what he presented her with, biting words about his lack of effort in just about everything, despite knowing well that the pages she just shoved back into his arms where some of his best to date. It pained Devi, a little, to do this to him – to any artist, for that matter. Johnny looked so confused and upset as she yelled at him that he wasn’t taking this seriously, but she forced herself to shut down his counterarguments with even louder shouting. With one more heinous act against him, she slapped the papers out of his hands and onto the floor. Johnny stared at her, pupils narrow as slits, in disbelief.

But still no murder came.

Devi let herself catch her breath with slow, quiet huffs, and feigned a cool head.

“Well?” She asked once she felt like she wouldn’t pant the words out. “Pick them up.”

It was so belittling, so degrading. She could tell from his trembling eyes that the blatant disrespect of it hit its mark, and jumped far down his gullet, twisting and burning up his innards unforgivingly. Devi herself might have stabbed someone for giving her or her art the same treatment. Her body tensed a moment, waiting, listening to Johnny’s heavy breathing, and watching his slender frame twitch and shiver under the weight of his desire for egocentric vengeance.

Devi’s lips parted in surprise when his legs buckled, and he bent slowly onto his knees to pick up the pages scattered between them.

Nothing could have stopped the giant grin that cracked across her face.

As Johnny plucked the last paper from its resting spot, Devi squatted down so she was eyelevel with him, her elbows balanced on her knees. His fingers flinched from her sudden proximity, and the page fell from his grasp, leaving it to be snatched up by Devi. She took a moment to appreciate the panels that had been so neatly inked onto its surface, before lifting her gaze above the paper and to its creator. Johnny’s wide eyes stared at the ground, franticly concentrating on the carpet instead of the woman in front of him. Devi’s smile persisted.

“I bet you’ve killed me a hundred times in your head tonight.” Her voice had a smirk in it. The comment made Johnny flinch again, and he flickered his eyes up to her for only a moment before looking away again, willing himself not to acknowledge such a thing.

“There’s no way you haven’t.” Devi said confidently. “It’s too easy for you.”

Johnny’s mouth bent into a miserable scowl, and he lowered his head further so she wouldn’t see. He was sure that she was mocking him again, this time for how pitiful the restraint on his murderous tendencies was. It wasn’t like he wanted to have those kinds of thoughts about her!

“You could have… I don’t know.” She fanned the page while she thought. “Grabbed me, twisted my arm, broke something… stabbed me, obviously.”

Devi heard the stack of papers in Johnny’s hands crinkle under his tightening grasp, and reminded herself that he could still attack her right now, if he wanted to. She waited a moment, glancing at the rattling movement of bunched stationary from her view above his head, and let her smile perk up again when the shaking stopped. Unbelievable. She’d end this quickly, to be compassionate for once.

“But you know what Johnny?” Her tone was very smug, and Johnny’s lips quivered a bit, knowing she was asking him to respond, to be a part of this conversation. She was so foolish! He was purposefully keeping out of this altercation for her own safety – could she not see that?

Still, he couldn’t deny Devi anything she asked of him at this point. With an unsettling sigh, he urged himself to raise his head to meet her stare. She looked so carelessly arrogant, it was unlike her. He would have carved a face like that right off of anyone else.

“What?” He snapped. Best to keep it short. Devi smiled fully again.

“You didn’t.”

The tension in Johnny’s face fell slack suddenly, and he searched her expression for any kind of hint at what a statement like that from her could mean. It couldn’t be so simple when it was from an angry Devi, but his mind was unable to get ahold of any deeper insult, or allusion to an action previous. He thought for a few seconds, debating what kind of cruel comment that could be – he didn’t? Yes, obviously he didn’t, but what did that have to do with anything, he wondered.

A soft blink brought with it a cool blanket of clarity. He… didn’t. What a strangely obvious, but vastly important note to make. Despite all of her viciousness, all her degrading criticisms, and even some level of physical aggression, he had made no move to strike back. Johnny was dumbfounded a moment longer, and Devi took the opportunity to reach forward and take the remaining pages of his comic from his hands. She stood, taking Johnny’s attention upward with her for a moment, before his eyes dropped to the ground again and scoured the floor while he thought.

She had been testing him! It was so clear to him now! It had been so easy to believe that Devi was just spiteful and unsatisfied with him, he didn’t even stop to consider any other motivations behind her sudden hostile behavior at all. But most importantly; he had passed. Unwittingly, he had passed the intensive test of his will – which he assumed was likely the point, not knowing what she was attempting to do and all.

With the rug pulled out from under him, Johnny had only felt confused at first, but now had a blossoming feeling of accomplishment spreading throughout his chest cavity. An unsure smile sprung up onto his mouth. He moved to join Devi in standing, and felt comfortable, for the first time in weeks, meeting her eyes so casually. She was skimming over his drawings, but looked up to him as he stood.

“If I’m being honest, you’re doing really good, Nny.” She huffed a laugh. “Like, really, really good. I’m all proud and shit.”

That accomplished feeling Johnny had felt a moment ago erupted fully, worming through every nook and cranny of his torso and out to his extremities. Devi was proud of his efforts! She was happy with him, really genuinely happy this time! His uneven smile widened into a clean crescent shape, and Devi laughed at his exhilaration from her comment.

“Screw drawing tonight.” She spoke again, and tossed the pages onto her living room table. “I think I owe you dinner.”

Johnny’s brows rose in surprise.

“What?” He gasped.

“I feel… kinda bad for being so harsh on you.” Devi looked around, not wanting to dwell on it. “And you’ve been diligent and whatnot in your projects so, fuck it, let’s go get noodles. My treat.”

Johnny only stared at her unblinkingly as he attempted to digest his good fortune; praise, smiles, laughter, “proud”, “treat”? All such unfamiliar actions and words – but not unwelcome!

“Uh—sure!” He gleamed. “Yes!”

Devi laughed again, feeling light and airy after bogging herself down with rigorous, exaggerated anger. She threw her coat on as she headed out the door, with Johnny following enthusiastically behind.

--

NEXT.

[yhwhrulz]

Morning and Evening with A.W. Tozer Devotional for September 10

Tozer in the Morning We Travel an Appointed Way

Nehemiah, the good, rose up from his weeping to do something about a vision God had laid on his heart. Under divine providence, he was soon transported from Shushan to his beloved city, Jerusalem, armed with authority and equipped with materials to rebuild the ruined city. . . .

The first device of the "enemy," upon hearing of the undertaking, was to heap ridicule on the whole plan. Sanballat, Tobiah and Geshem laughed Nehemiah and his helpers to scorn. Undeterred, Nehemiah replied with firm assurance, "The God of heaven, he will prosper us." And the work went on according to plan.

After all other means had failed to hinder the reconstruction, the conspirators tried to arrange for a conference with Nehemiah. The man of God saw in this an evil purpose to do him mischief and divert him from his monumental work. His reply to the would-be mischief-makers is classic, and might well be adopted for the all-time stock reply to all such overtures: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" (Nehemiah 6:3).

The great task to which God had called Nehemiah was so important that every other consideration must be waived. Would that we might have such an overpowering sense of being about our Father's business and be so impressed with the grandeur of our task that we would reject every suggestion of the evil one that would bid us take up some lesser pursuit. Let us rout him with the words that date back to 445 B.C., and which cannot be improved upon: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down."

Tozer in the Evening Pythagorus Three Classes of Humanity

The Greek philosopher Pythagoras is said to have divided men into three classes: 1. Seekers after knowledge. 2. Seekers after honor. 3. Seekers after gain. It would be interesting if not too edifying to look for Pythagoras three classes in modern society. 1. Seekers after knowledge. These are no longer called philosophers, lovers of wisdom, but scholars, professors, scientists, who love knowledge for itself. These are intellectual magpies with a compulsive tic that drives them to collect all the shiny bits of knowledge possible; fortunately for them there are enough others with the same tic to provide them with a means of making some kind of a living here below. 2. Seekers after honor. These are the politicians. They have an incurable itch to be known in the gates, and as a means toward this end they manage to work up a convincing if phony patriotic fever every four or six years that brings them votes and enables them to ride in the front car in the Memorial parade. Thei r reward is in being applauded by the masses they secretly despise, and verily they have their reward. 3. Seekers after gain. These are at the top honest businessmen who become wealthy within the law, and at the bottom racketeers who gain their wealth outside the law. Morally these latter differ not at all from the ordinary bandit, but they differ socially because they are smarter, have read a book and know a better lawyer.

Copyright Statement This material is considered in the public domain.

[magaprima]

Having seen the comments and anons on @concreteangel1221 ‘s blog about Lilith and how she less deserving of redemption than freaking Blackwood, I feel I had to have a little rant, because you guys know I have written literal essays of headcanons about this character and her actions and her experiences. 

Lilith does do, within the timeline of the show, ‘morally bad’ things (I’m using quote marks not only because the benchmark of morals is different on the show, but also that the concept of being good or evil was something invented by abrahamic religions, because the old religions/ways/gods had a more discretionary, personal compass aspect to things). We see her kill Mary, we see her kill the teenage boy to summon the Greendale 13, we see her create a creature to ‘rip the skin from Sabrina Spellman’s bones’ (the other stuff she does is no different than Sabrina, Ambrose, Hilda, Zelda, Nick etc actions, so I’m not listing it). 

However, before I go on to points and reasons why this does not stop her from having redemption or being a worth/morally capable character, I want to add, that as Lilith killed Mary, she did so on instruction from the Dark Lord (the writers confirmed in discussions about Part 3 that she was made to pick Mary specifically) and she has resurrected her. Zelda has also killed Hilda many times and resurrected her. Killing the teenage boy was, as we gauge from her monologue, a means to an end; ‘the dark lord was growing impatient with me’ so desperation not to suffer at his hands pushed her to summon the Greendale 13, which required a life. I’m just justifying her actions, I’m just saying she didn’t go out and murder for the hell of it, there was a reason, and her own self-preservation. And then when she creates the Adam Creature to kill Sabrina, I’ve already made huge posts about how that was created out of grief and anger, and how existing and surrounded by a patriarchal society made her attack the woman, the ‘competition’ rather than the man that was really to blame (as in society we women are encouraged to see each other as the enemy and men as the goal), and for that matter, her place didn’t work, she can only be accused of intent here and not action. 

But now I have seen lots of comments on posts on tumblr, instagram etc where people say Lilith needs to suffer (as if she hasn’t already), that she should be punished for what she did (as if she hasn’t been punished enough) and that she’s pure evil and totally the villain no matter what.

And I want to introduce those people to something called the Abuse Cycle. Simply put, the idea that someone who has been a long time abuse victim has an increased likelihood of becoming an abuser themselves, because this suffered behaviour becomes normalised behaviour (a pop culture reference I always make for explaining this is Regina Mills when she tells Henry ‘I don’t know how to love very well’ because her experiences of Motherhood were only ever via Cora and that was a very abusive relationship). I have made posts which compare Lilith’s relationship with the Dark Lord as a marriage of domestic abuse, as she even uses the archetypal reasoning of ‘he wasn’t like this in the beginning. He was kind at first’ and often people who enter long-term abusive marriages have come from abusive homes, and believe the latter is an escape from the former (Lilith believes Lucifer is her saviour from the abuse of the False God/Adam/The Garden) and because this new abuser will occasionally reward them and assure them that they love them (i.e here have more power, here be my handmaiden and right hand, one day you’ll be my Queen beside me), the victim often reasons, for sake of survival, that this is just the way this person loves, and it’s not their fault they behave this way (’the more he became this thing of darkness’, it’ll be different when he’s back to his true form etc). And so they stay until the thought of leaving terrifies them, and the threat of being caught is worse than the threat of staying, and eventually this becomes normal and acceptable and just the way life is. They know no different. Lilith, until she meets Adam 2.0, knows no different. First Adam and Lucifer are her only experiences of long term relationships and both are violent and abusive. 

Now the most large-scale example of an abuse cycle is human trafficking, another thing I have compared the Lilith-Lucifer-Sabrina dynamic too, especially as Lilith does use the word ‘groom’ in reference to Sabrina. With human trafficking cycles, long term trafficked victims often become abusers of other victims as a way of elevating themselves and earning themselves a more comfortable existence. For example, a young girl could be trafficked, then after 5 years of ‘loyalty’, she’s told to bring in other girls like her, she’s told that if she does, she’ll have to see fewer ‘customers’, that these new girls will do the worst jobs. So she does it, she goes out and brings other girls back to make her life easier. Then the traffickers create the idea of hierarchy; yes you’re still one of the girls, but if you help your abuser ‘break in’ the new girls, punish them and train them, well then you become the ‘manager’ of the girls, you move up a level, you’re important, and important people get better food, they get more comfortable beds. Sure they get beaten still, sure they have to still do their ‘job’, but there’s less of it now and they have status, they have a little bit of power for themselves and that’s better than no power at all. And therein the cycle begins. 

This really is very similar to what has happened to Lilith. She was brought in by Lucifer, thought him kind and they were in love, and then he changed, became ‘this thing of darkness’ and she is abused, mentally and physically (the way she hides her face in the second episode of part 1 shows how used she is to him hitting her when he’s disappointed, and the way she asks to kiss his feet show she’s learned how to calm that temper. She has made a life within her abuse, a way to survive, a way to tell herself everything is fine and good) for thousands of years. Thousands of years of suffering this behaviour, being surrounded by it, knowing nothing else, is going to make it the norm for you. Like she literally has nothing to compare to in her experiences. And now she is told ‘if you do all these things (including those I listed above) you will finally be Queen, and this new girl can take your shitty jobs and suffer your shitty position, while you rule’, and like the trafficked victims, Lilith, understandably, jumps on this and does everything she can to make it possible. Why should she care about Sabrina? She’s just some half-mortal who has had a lovely life for sixteen years, while Lilith has suffered for thousands? Now it’s someone else’s turn. Why should she care that she makes another victim?  Better to be the absuer than the abused, right?

Only, through her time in Greendale, surrounded by people who, while morally dark grey/black by Christian standards, are relatively good people, people who thank Lilith when she does something, who speak to her as an equal, who go to her for help, people who care about her, even love her (Adam specifically), surrounded by healthy relationships, living in that cottage without fear of abuse or beatings, living essentially a peaceful life, Lilith actually does start to care. She defends Theo’s right to be on the basketball team, she respects Roz’s decision to want to study away from others, and arranges that space in the library, and, in the finale, she helps Sabrina defeat the Dark Lord, and, quite notably, actually grabs the Dark Lord by the neck (telekinetically) blowing the subservient cover she has maintained for milennia in order to stop Sabrina from being hurt/abused as she has been. Because, remember Lilith knows his wrath personally and when she sees him marching towards Sabrina with it, she pulls him back ‘hold that nasty thought!’ and then, not only does she show sympathy for Sabrina losing Nick, she assures her she’ll take good care of him, and she returns her favourite teacher to her and allows Sabrina to have her powers without any need to sign a book, giving her both ‘power and freedom’. 

Lilith, after thousands of years of abuse, of normalising that abuse, of becoming the abuser herself, breaks the abuse cycle. She breaks.the.abuse.cycle. And that is a massive thing, and an admirable thing, and, in my opinion, shows us what Lilith’s core character was before abuse and experiences etc (I do maintain Lilith’s core, original character is more akin to Sabrina). Someone who can go through such long term abuse and extreme levels of it too, and then break their own abuse cycle and behave differently, is not just someone worthy of redemption, but someone who should be applauded. 

Yet, people will jump to say she’s evil and deserves more suffering, while Faustus will be defended. I like Blackwood as a character and I really love Richard in the role, but no I don’t think he’s a good person, and unless he shows real remorse and changes his ways in Part 3 or 4, then no he isn’t worthy of approval/forgiveness etc. I mean, we don’t know how he treated Constance, but the fact she had to ask for his approval whether to eat a cake, her fear and stress over giving him sons, and her general demeanour are very revealing. And then we have the atrocious thing he did to Zelda (which I won’t go into because many people have already done that) and perhaps the things he does are the very reason Edward forbid him from pursuing Zelda in the first place, and then he created a manifesto to oppress all witches, declaring women to be less than men, he made a secret society of warlocks that had such a nazi-esque demeanour it would be fucking terrifying to be surrounded by that, and then, when he didn’t want to accept the rule of a woman, he decided to poison an entire coven, before making plans to have his son and daughter married to each other in the future (and lets not forget when Zelda threatened to slit Prudence’s throat, he said he had his other children, so he could spare to lose that one). And there is no abuse cycle for him to follow; he is a white male witch. He has been born to every privilege. 

I get if people don’t like Lilith (actually, I don’t, she’s fabulous, haha, but everyone is entitled to like or dislike characters) and I get people wanting Faustus to have a redemption arc, but you can’t possibly say that he is more deserving of chances, or that Lilith’s actions are worse, when you take all things in context. Similarly, as regards Zelda: she has been horrendous to her sister, abusive in more ways than one, but the fact she apologises for the harrowing, that she did stop killing Hilda after the nightmare episode, and how she encouraged Hilda to embrace her sexuality and gives her help and advice and a glamour makeover, and then gets her back into the church of night, all shows that Zelda is taking steps to make it up to her sister. People who are saying she hasn’t done enough and she’s still bad, like we are literally only just seeing Zelda realise the error of treating Hilda as she did, but the fact she has made changes and altered her behaviour accordingly shows that she, like Lilith, is breaking her own cycle. 

So back off attacking women for less and defending men for more, people. Even fictional ones. 

Also Lilith gets demonised enough from her own mythology in the real world, I ain’t gonna add to it in a fictional one. 

[eryiss]

Fraxus Week Day 5: Hope/ Despair/Complicated/Easy

Summary: Sitting in his bed, Laxus beside him, Freed's mind starts to wonder. He thinks back to the first time he met the man he would fall in love with, and the hope that came with that meeting. A complicated type of hope, but hope none the less.

This is my fifth admission for Fraxus Week event for twenty-nineteen hosted by the tumbler user @fuckyeahfraxus. This one is a little bit angsty, and an exploration of a character's backstory. It's based off the prompt 'Hope/Despair/Complicated/Easy.'

You can read it on Fanfiction, Archive of our Own, or under the cut. I hope you all enjoy it!

Day 5: A Complicated Type of Hope

Freed slowly, carefully placed the novel he had finished reading down on his bedside table. He reached for the lamp beside him, flicking it off and slowly letting his eyes adjust to the sudden darkness of the room. He removed the small band that was keeping his hair tied up, yawning slightly as he looked towards the man who was sleeping soundly next to him.

Laxus had been asleep for about an hour, his back facing the ceiling and a large pillow wrapped up in his arms. The bed covers were only halfway up his torso, something Freed carefully remedied so his husband wouldn't wake up cold in the middle of the night. The sensation of the fabric running against his skin must have been recognised by the sleeping man, as he shuffled slightly, let out a small sound with no distinguishable meaning to it, and nuzzled his face further into the pillow before settling again.

It was a cute sight, to say the least.

As he looked over his sleeping husband through the darkness, Freed thought back to the book he had been reading. It was called 'Hope' and told the fictional story of someone living a hellish life and their slow accent to happiness. It somewhat made Freed think back to his life before Fairy Tail, and how Laxus had become something of a beacon of hope to him.

The memories made him smile as he slowly readjusted himself so that he could lie beside his husband, yawning again.

-~~~-

The first time Freed had seen Fairy Tail, he had been fifteen years old.

It was in the second month of him being enrolled in the Rune Army's cadet scheme. The program was advertised as a way to teach young men responsibility as well as setting them up for a successful career in the Rune Army, allowing them to begin active duty the day they turned eighteen. Even in the short time Freed had been involved, he realised that the program was a thinly veiled way that the army could get their grunt-work done for free while pretending that they were teaching their recruits discipline.

Freed hadn't had any say in joining the program. It seemed that the moment his parents realised he had magic that would be appealing to the army, he was being told to pack his bags so that he could be shipped to the army base where he would live. He had no doubts as to why his parents wanted him there; he was an inconvenience to them, and this allowed them to be rid of him in a way that was socially acceptable

He wasn't angry at them. He'd long since been aware of his parents' feelings about him.

Even after spending only two months as a cadet, Freed had decided that he would leave the moment he could. Until then, he knew he had to go along with whatever the power-mad generals wanted without much objection. Despite their ages, if the cadets were seen to be disobedient, they were punished in the same way real troops were. Physical labour that, for their age, was dangerously strenuous.

"In line, now!" Was yelled to the cadets, who all straightened themselves and stood to attention.

The general who had addressed them was known only as Takin. Though Freed didn't know for sure, he had assumed that their leader was resentful of being in charge of cadets rather than official troops and thought it useful to take out his anger on the teenagers who he was in charge of. He was relentless, thoughtless, and saw respect and fear as interchangeable.

Looking impassive, Takin walked through the four rows of young cadets. There was twenty of them altogether, all standing to attention in uniform, wearing buzzcut hair styles and stoic expressions. None of them wanted to stand out, as getting attention from their general was not a good thing.

They weren't in their barracks as they normally would be. In an attempt to make the cadet scheme look more legitimate to the public, they would often be involved public celebrations or parades. Takin had stated that they would take twenty of the most respectable – which meant most obedient – cadets to the Magnolia harvest festival. They were to be part of the carnival procession, simply marching in line as they did every day, and as a reward of some kind they would be given a short amount of time to roam free throughout the city before they returned.

The whole thing was a publicity stunt, but Freed was craving any sense of freedom so wouldn't complain.

"You will walk in time," Takin demanded. "You will not speak. If you see your families, you will not address or look at them. You represent me and if I end up looking bad because of you, you will be reprimanded the minute we return to the barracks. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir!" A chorus of well rehearsed yells followed his questions.

Takin continued his pep talk, as he called them, for a few more minutes. As Freed's eyes were set straight forward on his commander, he couldn't see if anyone had taken issue with the way the young men were being treated. Although Freed considered himself old enough and mature enough to take the verbal onslaught, he knew that some of the assembled teenagers couldn't deal with the constant abuse from their leader.

It wasn't long after the supposed pep talk that the carnival had begun. Freed hadn't gotten a good gage as to where in the possession they were, but he had figured out that the float in front of their designated space had someone dressed up as a turkey that danced. The juxtaposition of the that compared to the regimented group of teenagers was almost funny.

Freed didn't laugh, though.

Doing so would make him stand out which would lead to reprimanding.

When they made their way to the main part of Magnolia, walking in complete unison with their boot slamming against the cobbles simultaneously, they were presented with people cheering and laughing and applauding. The sun was warm and almost comforting, and if he were allowed to then Freed may have smiled.

They continued to walk, and that was when he saw the guildhall. Illuminated by the rising morning sun, a large and grand looking building appeared ahead of them. The insignia of the Fairy Tail guild was presented at the forefront of the building, so it didn't take the rune mage long to realise what exactly it was.

From what he'd been told about guilds, both from his parents and from the generals in charge of him, guilds were something of a necessary evil. His parents had shown them as vigilantes who were getting in the way of 'real' law officials who should be stopped, and the army had portrayed them as lower rungs on the ladder of authority. The image these stories had led him to believe they were full of miscreates and undesirable people; nothing more than troublemakers who needed to stop interfering with things that didn't concern them.

But as he glanced towards the group assembled before the guild – only for a second as not to be seen – he saw a group of happy people. Children and adults alike smiling, a heavy mixture of all people. Not anything like he had been told.

As he continued, he saw people were carrying small flags that contained the Fairy Tail logo. They weren't seen as troublemakers by the people living here, they were almost celebrated. It seemed as though Freed had been mislead about what place in society Wizard Guild's held; it wasn't surprising, given who he had got this information from.

He couldn't dwell on it for too long, however, as the further away he got from the guildhall the less traces of their influence could be seen. He put his focus back onto marching and walked the rest of the way through the carnival route; all the while ignoring the pain, he felt in his feet because of the ill-fitting boots.

"Right," Takin began as they assembled at the end of the route. "You have two hours. Be here on time, and remember you still represent me. Behave, and if I hear you disrespect me then you'll be on latrine duty."

It said something about Takin that, when hearing this threat, Freed wondered why he was being lenient.

After being dismissed, most members of the troop began to walk towards their families who had come to watch them. Obviously not having anyone to talk to, Freed had decided to look around the unfamiliar town. He had accrued a small amount of money from doing extra work around the barracks, so could perhaps afford something. Shining Takin's shoes for a week was particularly humiliating, but hopefully worth it.

He walked past all the meaningless things without a word; why waste money on candy-apples and shoddily made stalls when he could do something more permanent. He didn't know when the next time he would be let out like this would be, so he was intending to make the most of his money while he had the chance.

It was when he saw a bookshop that he realised the best use of his money. It was small and perhaps a little dingy, but it was open and that was all Freed required. He walked in without thinking.

Browsing through the unorganised selection of books in silence, only vaguely aware of the old man who owned the shop watching him, Freed tried to find something that interested him. When he had lived in his parent's manor, he had always preferred reading something factual. But now, presented with a reality that he had little control over, he found himself craving some escapism. He ended up finding this in a dusty corner, with a leather-bound book containing a blurb that explained the fantasy elements of the story. When he took it to the shopkeeper, he was forced to spend basically all the money he had gotten; not as much as he thought, apparently.

As he took the book from the man, he felt a small fizzing on the back of his hand. He winced slightly as a thought was pushed into his head, something which should have become familiar now but hadn't. This was how the army gave instructions, with a rune on the back of his hand that took the words of his commander and imprinted them in his mind.

Their time alone had been shortened to an hour. He would have to leave soon to get back in time.

Fantastic.

He thanked the shopkeeper and left immediately, turning towards the dark and wet alleyway he had walked through to get to the bookstore. He held the book as he walked, glancing up to see another person enter the alleyway from the other side. He shifted slightly to the side to not fully take the confined space and continued walking.

It was the cadet's expectation that, just like he had, the man on the other side of the alley would shift slightly so they could walk past each other without issue. This turned out to be untrue, as the older man shoved their shoulders against each other roughly as he passed.

"Fuckin' watch where you're going," He even had the arrogance to say.

Freed felt his chest tighten slightly in perhaps anger. He admitted it was a small thing, but it felt as though he was reaching the final straw. He already had to deal with dismissive parents, a borderline abusive general who was in control of him, and a lack of any freedom. And now he was expected to deal with an asshole blaming him for something that wasn't his fault.

No. No way in hell.

He spun on his heel to see the retreating figure of the man. He was taller than Freed, with unkept blonde hair and a body that was relatively muscular. When he had been approaching him, Freed had seen the other man had a scar covering his eye and was probably older than the rune mage by a few years.

"Hey," He shouted slightly, knowing his voice was carried loud enough for the other man to hear.

The blonde ignored him completely, and Freed snapped. It was all too much, and being ignored while still feeling that stupid, invasive fuzzing from the rune on his hand had driven him to a point where it felt all his senses were overloading. It was all too much.

"I am talking to you!" He yelled, but something was different.

His voice was different, mutated into an otherworldly snarl. It hadn't been his intention to sound like that, and he felt as though it could have only happened with some kind of magical interference. He chose to ignore this, stalking forward towards the other man, who seemed to have definitely heard him this time, as he turned.

"The hell do you want?" The blonde almost spat as he spoke, voice gravely and seemingly annoyed. "Thought you little army pricks were kept on a leash."

Freed didn't think through his actions. He dropped the book to the floor and slammed his fist into the taller mans jawline, sadistically loving the small crack he felt reverberate through his bones. Part of his mind imagined doing that to the people who had pushed him to this point of anger; to his parents and to his generals. To punch Takin, bring him to the floor and hurt him, was something Freed was craving.

The power fantasy went as fast as it came, and Freed saw that his punch had been more powerful than he had expected. The blonde's head had been slammed against the wall by the force of the punch and was rubbing his head in pain. Freed hadn't punched someone that hard before and looked down at his hands for any kind of explanation.

He was met with one. His right hand was not his own, but a monster's.

"Shit," He whispered, looking down at his hand with wide eyes. "No. Fuck, why are you doing this now."

This wasn't the first time this had happened. Freed had always known that he had some kind of connection to a demon of some kind, something he had tried to rid himself of many times. It had been nearly a year since he had undergone any kind of transformation, which he had accredited to the runes that he had written on himself. The demon was the reason he had learnt rune magic before, and it had been worthwhile to keep the creature hidden. But now it seemed that the emotional state he had been in had overthrown his writings and the demon was coming back again.

He was quick to act, knowing how to deal with it for a short time at least. He pulled out the dagger that was part of his uniform, placed the demonic hand on the wall and slammed the weapon down, impaling himself with it though not feeling a thing. He knew that the demo would retreat if put through enough pain.

As he did this, he was unaware of the blonde looking at him with wide eyes.

The rune mage watched as the demonic claw slowly reverted back into his normal hand, melting the blade as it did and ruining the sleeve of his uniform. He couldn't explain to Takin what had happened, so would have to lie about what had happened. He would be reprimanded without a doubt the moment he returned, and the rune mage felt a sickness grow in his stomach as he came to terms with this fact.

"The fuck was that?" The blonde demanded, and Freed snapped his head towards him.

"Nothing," He said with rigidity, and went to walk away. A hand landed on his shoulder and turned him around.

"Nothing?" The blonde quoted with an incredulous tone. "You just fucking stabbed yourself and you called it nothing?"

"That wasn't part of me," Freed insisted, voice harsh as he shook the stranger's hand off him. "I have to go."

Again, he went to walk down the alley again, but heard footsteps jogging to keep up with him. When he was turned around for the second time, he saw that the blonde had picked up the book that he had dropped when dealing with the claw he had grown. He snatched the book from the blonde's hands immediately and went to walk away, but the blonde was grabbing his arm and not allowing him to leave. He tried to shrug the man off but the grip simply got tighter and his chances of leaving on his own terms lessened slightly.

"What did you mean by it wasn't part of you?" The blonde demanded. "It looks like take-over magic or something? Pretty fucking powerful too," He rubbed his jaw to highlight his claim.

"It isn't magic. It's a curse," Freed spoke adamantly.

"Who the fuck told you that?" The blonde laughed a little at the idea, and Freed bristled. "Because whoever it was, they were bullshitting you. You weren't being taken over by some random monster or anything. You swung that punch, you wanted to do it. Not some demon. Just a spell or something"

Freed didn't say anything immediately. This wasn't an opinion he had heard before. Everyone who had seen this demonic side of him had called it a curse. This included his parents and the doctors that had been taken to the household when Freed had been there.

"That isn't my magic," Freed denied. "I am well versed in enchantments and runes. Not demons."

The blonde seemed to ignore him. "Why the hell are you part of the fucking army with a takeover spell like that? You can't wanna be some faceless foot soldier, right?"

"I wasn't exactly involved in the decision," Freed muttered harshly, mainly speaking to himself.

"Then fucking leave," The blonde spoke as if it were obvious. "If you don't wanna be there and they're not gonna let you use any of your actual magic, what's the point in being there. The guild's always taking in runaways and fuckups, half the people there are orphans or whatever. That ain't gonna stop anytime soon, but if you joined at least you'll be a runaway with a bit of power inside of you."

Not knowing what to say to the invitation – if it could even be called that – Freed made a final effort to shrug himself free of the mans grasp. He succeeded this time and started to walk away for the final time; he knew that the time he had to get back to Takin was slipping away from him. This time, the blonde didn't follow him.

"Hey," The blonde shouted again. "If you join the guild, I want you on my team. Name's Laxus."

Freed paused for a moment. Laxus. What he was offering was something that Freed had never had. He thought back to the faces of the guildmembers he had marched past and almost yearned for it. They were all individual, happy, and seemed to be acting as a family despite having no relation. And a stranger was offering him that based on a power that he hated.

After a moment, he looked over and spoke. "Freed."

That was all he said before he continued walking.

-~~~-

The memory of his first meeting with the man who was to be his husband made Freed laugh. Some people had a story that was grand and romantic that would make anyone who listened to cry; the two of them had a confrontation with each other in an alleyway wherein Freed had punched Laxus with a magic he refused to admit was his own.

Although it had been a chance meeting, Freed felt it to be one of the most important moments in his life. Not only had he met his husband that day, but he had also been given the first taste of independence in his life. It had been a turning point, and the offer of joining a guild had been something that hadn't left his mind since the moment it entered. It had given him hope that he wasn't destined to follow the demands of other people; be it a general of his cadets troop or his parents.

In many ways, he owed that to Laxus. He owed his hope to Laxus.

The decision to leave the cadets when he was sixteen had been hard. It wasn't as if he could leave without difficulty. His previous obedience meant the generals had been careful not to give him any hope of another life, and he knew that his parents would rather have him there than at home, so returning to the manor wasn't an option. He would have never seriously considered leaving if it hadn't been for Laxus, most likely, as the blonde had offered him some kind of security.

And although his time in Fairy Tail hadn't gone exactly as he had planned – Laxus having become more involved in his own plans by the time had managed to escape from the cadets – Freed did find something of a real family in the guildhall. This was only possible because of his husband, he had concluded.

He had asked some point later in their relationship why Laxus had offered him a place in the guild. Apparently, it had bene over a year since Laxus had been hit in any capacity, and he was impressed by the ease in which Freed had managed it.

It was funny to think that the man who had calculated people's worth by their usefulness had become the same man drooling into his pillow beside him.

Freed's life had never been particularly logical. His formative years had been governed by guardians who were equally dismissive of him as well as being overbearing. And then Laxus had entered his life, acting as a figurehead for individuality and being himself. No more controlling figures dominating his life, simply being in control of his own destiny. Laxus offered him a sense of hope that his life had lacked up until that point; a complicated kind of hope that made Freed become the man who would eventually run the Raijinshuu and marry Laxus Dreyar.

"Night Laxus," He whispered, pressing his lips against Laxus' head.

The blonde let out a small groan. "Night Freed."

[allhalllows]

the stage is empty and the audience is abuzz. what is the 411? what has everybody been up to? what is the hot gossip? tell me everything. some of them can’t wait for the contest to end, whereas others wish for just one more night, if only so they can see how the whole thing would blow up even further. in all the hubbub, the crowd seems to miss one minor detail: where has ursula gone?

the murmurs don’t even fully quiet down when the lights dim and the music kicks up.

light purple spotlights shimmer as they spin about onstage. a dark void worthy of darkrai opens up in the center and the lights stop, seeming to be swallowed by the night shade-hex combo that makes a black hole in the center. with a flash of orange dazzling gleam, motes of confuse ray spin out of the hole as shadow sneak hands shoot out from the oozing mass that also releases infestation bugs that skitter into the aisles. each hand seems to use thunderbolt on the way up, like the electric bars of a cage--

and then ursula herself appears, rising out of the hole thanks to gengar’s psychic, completely dry in spite of being underwater because of the very same move. she bows as the audience applauds, and begins her speech.

❝ladies and gentlemen, i’m proud to announce that the all hallows’ faire is now over!❞ a profound sigh of relief swept through the crowd, which ursula ignored. ❝well, not really. i still have to announce the winners and everything. everybody, come on out!❞ 

one by one the contestants file onto the stage, in the order that they performed, to the audience’s tumultuous applause. as each one takes their place, ursula hands them each a black key with a glowing orange pumpkin tip: each key is topped by a jack-o-lantern with a wicked grin.

❝i am so happy you all could join with me here for the contest. your performances were truly exceptional, and uh--❞ she looks at her hand--❝i couldn’t have done any of this without you. please accept these custom all hallows’ souvenir keys as proof of all the, uh, good memories you shared of this contest--you all are welcome back next year.❞ if there even would be a next year, she thought as she handed them out.

❝anyway, let’s see what our first, second, third and honorable mention places will be taking home today!❞ she clapped her fingers and at once the prizes appeared on two screens flanking the stage. the one right above the stage remained empty, but it would not be for long.

❝in addition to being able to access our wonderful castle here, second place will get to choose from some of our properties, and lucky first place gets to access it all--and more!❞ she clasps her hands together and smiles, all her previous nerves gone; thinking about her family’s wealth never fails to cheer her up. as she describes each property, it flashes on the top screen. 

❝there’s our castelia city penthouse, complete with two bedrooms, a piano, and a balcony with a view of the entire city. there’s our villa in the geosenge countryside, with its own private forest. and finally, there’s our beach house in undella bay, with its own private section of the abyssal ruins for you to explore! so, first place, you’ll have free access to all these wonderful locations, plus a few more that i would really love to show you. and second place, just let me know where you want to go at any point after the performance is over--don’t worry, the time you take to decide isn’t going to cut into the time that you have to live in it!❞

❝now, who’s going to win these fabulous prizes?❞

❝Let’s find out!❞

holographic keyholes light up above each contestant’s head as the lighting dims to a dramatic halloween-y green and the drumroll starts. 

❝the first round scores!❞

black holographic dots whizz into each of the souvenir keyholes, filling each one in proportion to the scores that the contestants received. the evil jack-o-lantern grins light up even brighter as the scores are received, as though they are drawing sustenance from the energy. at the same time, orange numbers appear above the keyholes to match the actual scores.

❝the second round scores!❞

this time the dots are orange. the point numbers scroll as they increase like slots on a slot machine, ticking steadily upward as the new results come in.

❝and now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the thing that tips the scales…the votes!❞

the final round of dots, this time yellow, begins to peter in. the numbers continue to increase, but at a slower pace to reflect the smaller volume of points earned from votes than from the first two rounds.

the highest number shines bright above one contestant’s head. the number above their keyhole flashes as the rest of the keyholes fade away. a brief fanfare plays as ursula’s gengar invisibly uses dazzling gleam to surround them with a brilliant golden light…

Annalise is the winner!

on the top screen, there is now a list to reveal precisely who scored what:

Annalise Abernathy - 114 + 103 + 9 votes (45 points) = 262 points!

May Sakurai - 105 + 95 + 9 votes (45) = 245 points!

Yuugetsu Sumire Wheeler - 100 + 117 + 5 votes (25) = 242 points!

Fabien Lafayette - 105 + 91 + 6 votes (30) = 226 points!

Hikari Azai - 83 + 80 + 12 votes (60) = 223 points!

Agatha Christine - 89 + 83 + 2 votes (10) = 182 points!

Grimsley De Alencar - 87 + 72 + 4 votes (20) = 179 points!

❝a warm and wonderful congratulations to all of our fabulous finalists, especially our top four contestants and our honorable mention. and especially to you, annalise--you worked suuuuuper hard for this reward, so you earned it! here, you pick.❞ she shows annalise two options: the all hallows’ faire key, or the all hallows’ faire ribbon--both of which would open doors to two very different opportunities, one in showcases and one in contests. what a relief, ursula thinks, that annalise so happened to win: maybe now sky might get off her back a little! 

once annalise makes her choice, ursula turns around to address the crowd again.

❝now for a word from the honorable mention himself--fabien lafayette, who i am proud to call a servant of my household!❞

grandly she hands the microphone to fabien, who speaks--but it’s not at all what they rehearsed together. instead, it’s something far more incriminating than even her parents could have imagined…

❝…didn’t expect that reaction, but that’s okay,❞ she says. it’s all she can do not to break down onstage as well. ❝hey, crew, could we, uh…❞

she doesn’t even have to ask. the line gets drawn through fabien’s name, and in his place hiroko’s (misspelled) name is bolded. she is the new honorable mention, not THAT BITCH who just ran offstage!

❝anyway…yeah. that’s it. that’s the contest,❞ she says, folding her hands over her microphone. ❝well, i, uh, hope you all had fun, because i sure did. have a happy halloween and, um…see you next year!❞

the void from whence she came opens up, and she literally sinks through the floor in embarrassment.

her contest is a disaster, sky is about to catch her cheating and now her most trusted servant just messed up her grand finale. 

why do all these bad things have to happen to her?

@dracaelum-faerie @kxkuko @ranseiuniter @stageonmay @sparklingemeraldidol @devonheir@gottamuseemall @3000yearmonarch @eevee-sohma @estrellawn @astralinity@lunarisvesperaregina @firewarriorshamus @grimastor @imbicilite@grimomens @facadxs@griseousperformer @lukissed @sayurismiles@lostguidings @nimbasah @ofreborngods@aeshmedai @coldbornthief @stygianmoondust @hikaup @eiriini @moonpulled @elitentomology @sangmer @wxrldxfpokemxn @hclianthi and with that twist ending, the contest has now FINISHED! right on the winter solstice, too, which is cool. all i have to add is the following administrative things:

the order of the placements by URL is as follows.

first place goes to @dracaelum-faerie!

second place goes to @stageonmay!

third place goes to @lunarisvesperaregina!

@imbicilite, who used to be honorable mention, dropped out.

honorable mention goes to @ranseiuniter!

@kxkuko 

@grimastor 

if you want to leave comments, you can fill out this feedback form. it is totally optional, but would be greatly appreciated!

if you would like me to continue your all hallows’ trick-or-treat, please let me know, otherwise the thread will be dropped. everyone in the contest who has commented on this post has received a starter (except for @estrellawn GIRL I AM SO SORRY IF YOU WANT ME TO DO ONE FOR YOU I 100000% WILL) and will receive a prize.

if you would like to continue an all hallows’ thread with me, feel free to do so. in addition, if there are threads with other people that you want to continue, you are free to do so as long as you want.

it’s been an absolute pleasure having you all on board with this competition--it just wouldn’t be the same without your creativity, your passion and your dedication to rp and contest work. i hope everyone has a wonderful, happy holiday and i can’t wait to see you back at my next event!

riot squad, you know what to do.

BEGIN THE AFTER-PARTY 😈😈😈😈😈

[samingtonwilson]

Relationship Tutor: (12) Cooperative Napping

relationship tutor masterlist

Summary: College AU. Bucky, a relationship novice, asks for your help in dating your friend. Unable to say no to him, you agree despite everyone and everything telling you not to.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: language

A/N: FINALLY time for my absolute favorite part bih!

Bucky was nursing a mocha latte he suddenly no longer had an affinity for, the far too creamy, far too sweet beverage making his heart race and his teeth gritty. He scowled with every sip he took as if he didn’t already have a grimace in place.

He sat back against the cushioned booth bench, his head lolling against the wall behind him. He would’ve given anything to just shut his eyes and take a nap right there.

Natasha made that difficult, though. She was surveying the circumstance from every angle, devising plan after plan for Bucky to finally win the affections of the person he loved.

She brought up several cliché tactics— all of which seemed to center around jealousy.

“Give me a gross pet name. Like ‘Natty’ or ‘Tatty.’”

He made a face. “Absolutely not.”

“How about we start using terms of endearment? Like, I’ll call you ‘babe’ and you call me ‘sweetheart.’”

“Does that idea come with an airsick bag?”

“No, but you come with an attitude apparently.”

She continued after a few moments of silent contemplation. “Kiss me in front of her.”

He snorted. “Pass.”

“Fine, I’ll kiss you in front of her.”

“Oh,” he mused sarcastically with a nod. He dropped his indulgent smile and narrowed his eyes. “Pass.”

It made Bucky uneasy to even contemplate the idea. Jealousy was not only a childish technique but, in this case, it was a dishonest one— and, partially because of you, he knew he couldn’t be dishonest to someone he cared so deeply about.

“She’s in my head, Nat. I can’t lie to her.”

Natasha shook her head, smirking as she tucked a wavy lock of ginger hair behind her ear. She held a cardboard cup of herbal tea in her hands, long nails which were painted blood red scraping against the sleeve embellished with the café’s name. “This would be much easier if you weren’t such a saintly person.”

Even if only momentarily, he smiled at that. “Wanting to be honest doesn’t make me saintly. It should just be expected.”

“You’d be surprised by how few men feel that way. You’re in the minority, Barnes.”

He fiddled with his phone in his free hand, toying with the lock button and swirling his fingertip over the touchscreen. “I can’t just tell her you and I aren’t dating anymore?”

“If you want to tell her that, feel free to. I’m just asking that we have a little fun with this.”

“Fun?” he repeated with narrowed eyes. “In what way is any of this fun?”

“It is for me,” she shrugged as she took a long sip of her tea. A corner of her lips quirked up in a smirk when she noticed his incredulous expression. “What? You needed her guidance to even have a conversation with me, went on four dates with me, and kissed me twice only to need my guidance in getting her.”

“Getting her,” he repeated as if the two words left a bad taste in his mouth. “She once said something about that objectifying women as if they’re prizes to be won.”

“God, keep talking like that and I’ll sabotage this whole thing to keep you all to myself.”

He smiled and shook his head. “Do you have any other ideas or has the well run dry?”

She sat in silent contemplation for a few beats. “How about we just don’t tell her we’ve stopped dating?”

“What?”

“Just don’t tell her that whatever we were has ended.” Her smirk grew more pronounced when he tilted his head like a confused puppy hearing a wayward, unfamiliar noise. “We’re still friends, we can still hang out around her— we’ll just omit the fact that we’ve ended.”

“Isn’t omission just fancy lying?”

“Okay, Saint Barnes, you need to determine the degrees of all these evils and settle on the lesser one.”

Bucky mulled each idea over, wiggling his jaw back and forth and reading the ridiculous names of the drinks written on the chalkboards bolted to the wall behind Natasha. “I’ve been going to her every couple of days for the last few weeks asking questions. What if she wonders why I’m not doing that anymore?”

“Say you don’t need her help now— that you’ve got it handled. Which is true, you handled ending it very well.”

“You ended it.”

“Yeah, but you handled listening to me end it very well.” She narrowed her eyes after a brief pause. “Were you ever actually interested in me?”

“Of course I was. I don’t enlist help for building foundations with just anybody.”

“But you couldn’t get her out of your head, huh?”

“It’d be nice to get her out of anywhere,” he snorted. “I am sorry for all of this, though. You didn’t deserve to be caught in the middle.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “No harm, no foul. You never told me this was a relationship— you said you wanted to try dating and we tried dating. Not to sound like a broken record, but I appreciate the honesty.”

“I had a good teacher,” he replied fondly, his phone vibrating under his fingers with an incoming message. Your name brightly written across the screen, his smile grew but shook a bit with the feeling swarming his stomach.

“I, uh,” he began, still staring at your simple message. “I’m gonna leave.”

“Is that your girlfriend?” she asked in a juvenile tone, laughing when Bucky scowled. “Go. I’ve got work to do as it is— I don’t need you wasting my time like this.”

He rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh and gave a single wave in goodbye.

For only a moment, Bucky felt profoundly foolish. It only took a text message from you to send him to his feet, racing to his car and speeding to your apartment. A lot of his friends would call him pathetically whipped, completely helpless to your every whim— and, maybe during his teenage years, he would’ve found that to be mildly shameful. He would have thought it was like he had no backbone when it came to you, no freewill.

But now, when Bucky thought himself to be slightly more evolved, he wasn’t embarrassed by how quickly he succumbed to you. Especially not when the reward for it was so sweet.

Of course, it was never an objectively substantial reward— he didn’t think an objectively substantial reward was ever even merited. However, subjectively he was rewarded substantially each time. May that reward have been a genuine smile, a gleeful laugh, a sigh of relief, or just a chance to be around you longer, he always felt as if the universe was being undeservingly kind and gracious to him for every minuscule thing he did.

It wasn’t as if he needed the rewards to do anything he did. If you wanted him there, he would rush over without a second thought at even the concept of reciprocation. It was something he’d read somewhere that didn’t birth the lack of expectation but gave it a verbal reason— very roughly paraphrased, it was something about never looking for reciprocation in love.

And he was in love— so, so in love. He flirted with the idea that he’d been in love with you from the moment he met you as Steve continuously teased him for, but he remained committed to the notion that it was a love that bloomed from a simple infatuation.

Infatuation that took root the second you walked into the  party in the apartment he shared with Steve with an overly-tabbed Romantic period volume of The Norton Anthology of English Literature. Highlighter in hand, you nodded at Steve and went straight to his room to finish your reading assignment before letting yourself have even one hit of the joint waiting for you.

When you blew the smoke out in a perfect stream and let your chest collapse in relief, he elbowed Steve in the ribs to introduce him to you. You only smiled politely, gave him a playful two finger salute, and offered up the joint with a giggled, “Take a hit, pretty boy. Consider it a ‘Welcome to the world’s most boring university’ gift and a one-time offer.”

But that was all it took for Bucky to ask Steve about you— how he knew you, why he’d never mentioned you, and if you all hung out a lot. Steve replied with a suggestive eyebrow waggle and a cooed, “Sounds like Bucky’s got a li’l crush!”

A year of self-control later, Bucky would have applauded himself for his restraint had that restraint not been so imbued with fear. After all, it wasn’t noble fear. It wasn’t as if he was keeping himself away from you for fear of your heart breaking because of him like some terrible excuse for a martyr. He kept his overwhelming feelings to himself for selfish reasons— reasons ranging from not losing the warmth of your presence to not losing the rush of your gaze.

He only had to knock twice before you pulled the door of your apartment open, looking breathless and a little tired. “Bucky,” you sighed in relief and he could’ve sworn no one had ever said his name in such an addictive manner. “Thank God, please save me.”

He tilted his head questioningly as you let him in, watching as you pulled your jacket on and tucked your phone into your pocket. “Save you from—”

A loud, almost shrieked moan answered his question, his mouth falling open so a disbelieving laugh lifted your own lips despite your sourness. He pointed in the direction of the adjacent hall. “Is that—”

“Yes. I withstood it at first— figured it would stop soon enough. But Sam is so… The man has some steely control and quick recovery because this is, like, the third time I’ve heard a complete stranger climax.”

Bucky continued shaking in laughter. “Do you know who he’s with?”

You shook your head as you pulled your boots on. “I didn’t see.”

“Why didn’t you just leave?”

“It’s colder than the fucking tundra out there and my car’s getting serviced.”

He frowned in consideration, poised to reply until another moan cut through the room. He covered his ears with his hands, earning a laugh from you.

You started towards the door, gripping the lapel of his jacket to tug him behind you.

He let you guide him through the hall and to the stairs, his eyes tracing your form and the way even the minimal sunlight pouring from the dusty windows seemed to love you as much as he did.

“Where are we going?”

You shrugged and let go of his jacket, putting your hands in your pockets instead. “As long as it’s not the library or any other place Sam’s fucking the living daylights out of someone, I don’t care.”

“You need to give me more to work with, doll.”

“Doll?” you repeated, stopping in your tracks to look at him with raised eyebrows and amusement over your every feature. “S’been a while since you’ve called me that, Buck. You sure Natasha won’t have your balls for it?”

“My balls are secure, trust me.” He glanced at you when you shoved the lobby doors open, a smile over your lips despite the extreme coolness of the outside air. “You hungry at all?”

“Not really. I’m more tired than anything else.”

He hummed noncommittally and unlocked his car as the two of you approached it.

You sat back quietly and only opened your eyes after two minutes of driving, the heat from the vents comfortably caressing your cheeks as Bucky’s music played at a calm volume. You narrowed your eyes at the passing landmarks. “Are we going to your place?”

He nodded, keeping his gaze on the road. “You can take a nap there.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Watch you sleep like that creepy ass vampire in those books my sister reads.” His smile widened when he glanced at you rolling your eyes. “I’ve got a paper due in four days. Might as well start it.”

“Wow, you’re going to start an assignment four whole days before it’s due just so I can take a nap?”

He nodded once more. “Basically.”

You sighed dreamily, placing your hand on your chest. “My fuckin’ hero.”

He wore a self-satisfied smirk and pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex. “You’re lucky I just cleaned my room this morning.”

“So I won’t get to bury myself under your piles of clothes, you utter embodiment of indecisiveness? Color me disappointed.”

He put the car in park and popped his door open. “Color yourself grateful instead.”

“I already called you my hero. I don’t know why you think you can expect so much from me.”

You followed him up the stairs to his apartment and practically ran to his bedroom once the door was unlocked, kicking off your boots and tossing your jacket onto his desk chair as you fell onto the freshly washed comforter and sheets. You hugged one of the pillows to yourself and sighed as you heard his soft chuckle from the doorway as he entered. “Why does it smell so nice in here?”

He heard you despite your voice being muffled by the fabric you were snuggled into. “Steve bought this bullshit lavender powder you sprinkle onto the carpet before vacuuming. He forced me to use it.”

You set your chin onto your folded arms and narrowed your eyes at him as he tried miserably to stifle a yawn. “Are you sleepy, too?”

He half-nodded. “A little.”

While you knew it wasn’t your greatest idea, the selfish part of you won out and you shuffled to the rightmost side of the full size bed. You patted the side closest to him. “Come on.”

A single eyebrow of his rose. There was a dryness in his throat he needed to cough to speak over. “What?”

“Nap with me.” You pulled his dark green fleece blanket over yourself. “We’ve been married for fifty years and you still have to contemplate this? It won’t constitute cheating on your mistress and I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

He didn’t think on it for too long. He just did what he really wanted and climbed into bed, his shoes strewn beside yours, his jacket tossed alongside yours. He took half the blanket and risked a glance in your direction.

He smiled as he traced your shut eyes, your peacefully parted lips, and your messy hair with his gaze, snapping his eyes closed when you cracked yours open.

You noticed the slight redness dusted over his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, smiling to yourself as you suppressed the urge to run your fingers over the dark, stubbly beard that contrasted with his skin almost starkly.

When he shivered a bit, you moved closer to him and he instinctively moved closer to you. There were still a few inches separating your bodies when unconsciousness took you both under heavily and relaxingly but in the middle of your slumber, you somehow ended up with his chin atop your head and your nose near his sternum, his arm thrown over your waist and your legs tangled with his.

Bucky made that discovery when the shutting of the front door woke him, sleepily delirious as he confusedly looked over the scene before him. He wished he could breathe deeply and slow his heart rate so as to not disturb you with his heightened nervousness, his body’s reaction to the sparking nerves everywhere your skin met his— but he knew the beating in his chest would take a few moments to calm.

There was a knock at his door much to his dismay and he held his breath as he pulled away from you at an almost snail speed. He climbed out of the bed onto tired legs and combed his fingers through his hair to pull on the ends.

He opened the door to Steve and his wind-bitten cheeks, blonde hair in disarray and coat still done up.

Bucky decided to step out and shut the door behind him, his voice gravelly as he asked, “What’s up, man?”

“I was gonna ask if you wanted to order a pizza for dinner,” he began, peering at the door with narrowed baby blue eyes. “Is Natasha here? I thought you two ended things, Bucky.”

“We did, we did. Nat’s not here.”

“Then who— You told Y/N you were turning a new leaf and you said you would finally tell her how you feel. You can’t fuck this up now, too—”

“Mother Rogers, if you could stop lecturing me for half a second,” Bucky started, glaring, “I could tell you that Y/N is the one in there—”

“What?”

“— and she’s taking a nap,” he continued. “Wilson’s got a girl at their place being loud as fuck. She just needed somewhere to go, I offered up our place.”

Steve smiled and playfully punched Bucky’s shoulder. “You gonna tell her when she wakes up? Maybe before the party tomorrow night?”

“I’ll tell her when I want to tell her, Steve. You can’t rush this shit.”

“S’been over a year, Buck. Glaciers move faster.”

PART 13: COMPETITIVE CONFRONTATION

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