#why is it called instantly disconnecting if the issue isn’t actually instantly disconnecting

[mxrp-haters]

“you can tell you’d be not interested in roleplaying with someone by which character they play, so insta-dcing is fine” THE FILTERS! you can filter out characters! it’s ALREADY in the rules of the site that you should! people aren’t telling you you have to rp with every single weird modifier and unlisted fandom OC you see they’re telling you not to go “hmm, well i hate everybody but damara, but i’m too lazy to take a single minute to click the checkbox that makes it so i only get damara so i’m just going to sit here for three hours disconnecting on everybody i come across in the first second unless they’re damara” THAT is what insta-dcing is, it’s not disconnecting on “genderbent!five times your size!insect!having a panic attack![character you want]” and it’s annoying that it feels like over half of the site does it. as someone who has NEVER modified from the base character in any way, it takes me like an hour sometimes to get an RP because every single person insta-dc’s - is spending more time clicking the back button and looking at the loading screen than actually roleplaying on the roleplaying site rly not something you think people can annoyed about at all? i honestly cant wrap my head around your position..?? it’s worse for everybody not to use your filters and it’s been in the rules for a good while, the mods just can’t effectively enforce it manually because SO many people break it :(

I’m not in the homestuck tags at all dude. I’m in the anon/other tag, it’s impossible for me to predict and blacklist almost anything at all (it’s the wild west out there). It’s sort of unavoidable, there’s only ever about 40 people in the search function at a time right now. Maybe like 60 max.

Guess I should have specified that I don’t use any of the fandom presets. I have to rely on the keyword filter function, which only gets me so far. Users are always full of surprises and you find something new to add to that list every day.

I think the issue should be called ‘misuse of filtering’ instead of ‘instantly disconnecting’ if the lack of filter usage is the problem you’re talking about. I’m talking about entering a chat and instantly leaving the chat.

[nightowlfandom]

Noctis Lucis Caelum- Anything For You

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

More Final Fantasy content....YYYYYYAAAAYY

Leggo

...

“Good girl.” you smiled as the yellow feathered Chocobo ate from your hand. “Eat up, you need your energy.” you scratched the top of her head as she squawked gratefully.

“Y/N are you still here?” the farmhand, Faye emerged from the stables to find you. “Do you not have any other plans?”

“Trust me.” you began to laugh. “I’d much rather scoop up giant bird poops than deal with my personal life right now...or lack thereof.”

“Well isn’t that somethin- Is that the crown prince I see?” she looked past you which made you follow her eyes. “It is?! Prince Noctis on my Chocobo farm. Quick! How do I look?” 

“Like a farmer.” you laughed in reply. “Perhaps get the shit off your boots.”

“Damnit! I should have worn my new ones.” She began wiping the bottoms of her shoes against the grass. 

“Faye, he’s just a prince. I don’t know what’s so great about him anyways.” you rolled your eyes. “He seems like an asshole from what I’ve seen of him.”

“You’ve never even met him.” she put her hands on her hips. “Maybe you’ll like him!”

“Sure, whatever you say, Faye.”  you laughed. “That’ll happen.”

...

“Ugh why are we here anyways?” Noctis rolled his eyes as Ignis pulled up to the famous Chocobo farm.

“Because!” Prompto snapped in reply. The blond male didn’t even wait for the car to fully stop before he jumped out. “The eggs are supposed to be hatching today and I want to be the first to capture a picture of those featherless faces!”

“Of course.” he scoffed. Noctis liked Chocobos, sure. He just didn’t think an idea of a good Saturday morning was to spend the day at a bunch of dirty, smelly, stables, for a bunch of unhatched eggs no less. “Great.”

“I suggest you fix your face, the farmhand is here.” Gladio grunted, hopping out of the car. “Wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“Whateve-” Noctis turned his head towards the loud squawking when his eyes landed on you. You were feeding a random Chocobo while talking to that farmgirl who ran the stables. “Woah.” he felt his heart flutter. Who were you?! He heard you laugh from where he was and felt his heart stop. Your laugh, it was beautiful.

“Yo? Who is that girl?” Noctis scrambled out of the car, nearly falling on his face. He tried desperately to fix himself up. “Specs?”

“I believe she frequents the shops not too far from here.” Ignis replied in his usually cool manner. “I believe she is also a friend of that Dino character we run into from time to time.”

“No way. Her?! Friends with that-” Noctis shook his head in disbelief. He found it impossible to walk forward. Gravity was stopping him. He didn’t even notice everyone else walking ahead of him. He had never seen you around before but he wished he had. “Woah....”

...

You were still chatting with Faye when a group of guys ran up. One of them held a camera and looked as if he were about to explode. You had no time to register the camera flash. Good think he captured your good side.

“I AM HERE FOR THE EGGS!” he declared. His abrasiveness surprised you. Was he talking about the new hatchlings? 

“Ummm-” Faye looked scared. “You here to volunteer?”

“Heck yeah I am!” he explosive blonde looked as if he was about to piss himself from excitement. “I WANT TO HOLD YOUR CHOCOBOS!”

“Alright! Keep your pants on. Follow me. Y/N, you’ll be good here right?” Faye asked, seemingly frightened by the giddy young man. 

“Yeah.” you stifled a laugh. “I’ll be just fine here.” you shook your head as the man ran full force for the stables. You were about to go about your business when a black haired boy stumbled up to you. “For a royal, you’re pretty clumsy.” you stifled laughter.

“Huh?!” he looked taken aback. “You know who I am?”

“...I mean aren’t I supposed to?” you turned back towards the Chocobo. “Prince Noctis?” you tried to hold in your distaste, but he caught up on it instantly.

“Is there an issue with me-”

“As a matter of fact there is. Don’t think I didn’t notice that face you were making when you pulled up with your friends.” you cut him off. “Big and bad prince man can’t be seen around a few Chocobos?”

“Oh, no that’s not it at all.” Noctis tried to explain himself in the best way he could. 

“Then what exactly is it?” you turned towards him again. “I mean really?”

“Okay so I admit my attitude isn’t the best-”:

“So you admit it?” you held back harsh laugh. “Hm, It’s a start.” you shrugged.

“I mean, you aren’t really giving me a fair chance. You only know me from the papers.” he explained. “You don’t really know me as a person. For all I know you could be a stalker.”

“I am no a stalker!” you looked him up and down. 

“I wouldn’t know that.” he winked. “So maybe we both have it all wrong.”

“And what do you wanna do to fix that, go on a date or something?” you scoffed.

“Yes!” he replied honestly. “Let me prove I’m not some asshole!”

“Is it that imperative that you go out of your way to prove to me that you aren’t an asshole?” you raised a brow.

“Yes!” he nodded quickly.

...

You boredly sat at the restaurant table. He was late. 15 minutes to be exact. 

“I knew this was a load of-” you prepared yourself to stand up when a man frantically rushed in.

“I’M HERE!” Noctis yelled, grabbing the attention of the other patrons. He practically fell into the chair right across from you. 

“Nice of you to show.” you sat back down. You decided to humor this guy. “Care to explain?”

“Sorry! Stupid Prompto gave me the wrong address and...woah...” he nearly drooled all over the place seeing you in your tight black dress. “You look...amazing.”

“Sure I do.” you scoffed. “I’m sure I still have dried up chocobo shit in my hair,” you turned away from him, feeling your insecurity creep up on you, tons more than usual. “But thank you.” you relaxed in your chair.

“No I mean it! Even when I saw you...I thought you were beautiful.” he expressed.

“Really?” you paused to look him in the eye. 

“Really.” he smiled. “You’re the best looking girl here.” 

“I definitely don’t believe that...but thank you.” you said shyly. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. 

....

“What about that one?” you pointed to a random star.

“That one, there’s a legend that it’s a parallel version of this world.” 

You both sat at the edge of the lake, staring into the moonlit sky. After dinner, Noctis had taken you to the docks on Galdin Quay. 

“No way. “You stared at the star in wonder. “How many worlds do you think there are?”

“Infinite, my dad says so.” Noctis replied. “All different versions of us doing different things.” he smiled to himself. “Maybe there’s a version of me that...is actually proud to be a prince.” he glowered. 

“Maybe there’s a version of me whose the royal instead.” you nudged him. That made him chuckle a bit. 

“If that’s the case...I’d be happy to bow down to you.” he flirted. He looked back at the sky. “Try that one.” he pointed.

“I know that one.” you beamed a little. “There’s a legend called the Lover’s Star, if a couple sees it on their first date...they’ll be together forever.” you mused romantically. It was only then you had realized your fingers had laced into Noctis’s. 

“Maybe today was our lucky day.” he winked. After a second of silence, you decided to confess.

“I was wrong about you.” you said honestly a while. “I think you’re pretty amazing, Noct.” you chuckled. 

“So...” he smiled deviously. “Are ya gonna say I’m sorry?” he mocked.

“You wish. You’re still a stuck up prince to me...you’re just not an asshole prince.” you stuck your tongue out at him. “You’re not like most guys around here.” you shyly looked away from him you dug your toes into the sand. 

“Well I’m not from around here.” he replied. “You’re different from everyone around here. You’re not all into me because I’m The Prince Noctis- that’s all I want. I want someone to see me for who I am...not what I am.”

You shyly kicked your legs in the water, looking at the ripples in the water.. “I’m glad I could be that person for you Noctis.” you smiled.

“Guess this means you’re gonna be part of my team now?” he bit his lip. “You’ll be my...ummm...I’ll think of something.”

“I look forward to it.” you giggled. 

“Hm for now...come here.” he winked, gently holding the side of your face. Noctis kissed you. You felt your senses go off. You instantly grabbed his face, kissing him back.

...

You fell back on the hotel bed, refusing to disconnect from a feverish prince throwing himself at you. He kissed you with urgency, as if you would disappear before his eyes. He tore a rip up your dress hastily. 

Your tongues clashed together as you kissed, the air was getting heavy. You helped Noctis out of his jacket. Your dress had turned to ribbons and your panties weren’t too far behind. 

“N-noctis..” you hissed, feeling his hands explore every inch of your body.

“You feel even better than I imagined you would.” he kissed your bare stomach. “You’re so beautiful.” he moaned. It was like you were the goddess, the royal, and he was the peasant.

You felt shy under his gaze. He stared up at you, biting his lip. “I don’t think I can wait...” he groaned. “A-are you okay with this?”

“God, yes.” you mewled as he kissed your thighs. 

“I wanna worship you.” he moaned, ghosting his lips over your center. You shyly stared down at Noctis who looked up at you with a shit eating grin. 

He sunk his tongue into you, lashing against your pussy. You instantly grabbed a fist full of his hair. You and him both were a mess. Hisses and prolonged moans escaped your lungs along with his name. You were sure the people in the next room could hear you. 

Noctis crawled over you again, a predatory glare in his eyes. He bit his lip, staring down at you. “You’re so fucking cute...”

...

“I’d do anything for you.” he moaned against your lips. “I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life.” he whimpered, his thrusts growing sloppily. He bucked his hips rhythmically, your bodies moving and grinding in sweet friction. His cock twitched inside of you as he grew near his release, but he wanted to wait. He wanted to cum to the sounds of your cries and screams. ”Gonna make you my queen and w-we’ll rule together until our hearts give out baby. F-FUUUCCKK.”

“Noctis.” you croaked. Hearing his words in your ear made you hiss in delight. This alone caused him to dig his nails into your sides and thrust even deeper into your heat. You didn’t know what else do you but let a stream of cries escape your lungs. 

“I love it when you say my name.” he grunted. “Say it again.”

“N-noctis.” your insides lurched as you tightened around his length. “I wanna- I’m gonna-”

“Again.” he barked. “Never stop saying my name. Never say another man’s name!” he sank his teeth into the crook of your neck. “You’re mine, baby. You’re all mine.” he growled.

“Noctisss.” you arched your back. “F-fu-” you whimpered, at the impact. “S-shit!”

Noctis yanked himself from you, spraying his cum all over your stomach. Shortly before, you came too, feeling your water run down your leg. He fell forward, burying his head into your neck. “Baby, I’d fucking do everything for you.”

You shook under his body, whimpering at his gentle touches. You felt him kiss your need lovingly as you both drifted off to sleep.

...

[xenoblademisadventures]

I’ve been thinking about how Xenoblade 2′s character writing and why it doesn’t work. It's not uncommon in animes, especially ones with large casts, to make characters with a handful of really loud and obvious character traits and then have one extra character trait that the viewer can only learn about by spending extra time with them. For the sake of convenience, I'm going to call these "surface traits" and "hidden traits." To use Nia as an example, her surface traits would be that she's a snarky and sarcastic cat girl who is slow to warm up to the party while her hidden trait would be her fear of persecution over powers that she didn't ask for. Every major character in Xenoblade 2 does this.

This type of character writing has a lot of advantages, disadvantages, and requirements to make work effectively. The big advantage of writing characters like this is that they're easy for the audience to follow. This also usually results in characters who are easily identifiable among a large cast because you can list 3 or less surface level character traits and you'll know who's being talked about. When talking about Xenoblade 2, I could talk about a "super powerful hot-head," "talks like a butler," "flirts constantly and is uncool," and you can probably guess which character I'm talking about. This can also be really good for characters that the player isn't supposed to spend a lot of time with but the writers still want to leave an impression. The Rare Blades are good examples of the type of character where writing them like this is a good idea, especially since it's not guarantee that the player will do their sidequests or h2hs after getting access to them. This style of character writing also doesn't prevent writers from making interesting or complex characters. Pyra and Mythra are actually really good examples of characters that fit this style of character writing but are still super complex. When a story has a lot of these types of characters, they become interesting by having those attributes intersect with and synergize with as many other elements in the work they're a part of as possible. 

The reason why Pyra and Mythra are able to be extremely complicated characters that still follow this model of character writing is because the traits that the writers decided to give Pyra and Mythra feed into both the other character, the individual character, the plot, and the gameplay, but also it's possible to trace how the traits of other characters interact with them. Addam is a reluctant hero, normally that's seen as a noble trait in fiction. But in Xenoblade 2, Blades are emotionally reliant on their drivers to such a massive extent that it can shape both how a Blade views themself and how they view the world as a whole. So, Addam being scared of Mythra's power, having only resonated with her out of the necessity to defeat Malos, and often referring to "the Aegis" as "Malos, the guy who sinks continents for fun" all feeds into Mythra seeing herself as something that is dangerous and can only cause harm. This also feeds into the gameplay. Pyra and Mythra are presented as glass canons who deal nice crit. However, building Mythra towards being a dodge tank or giving her a crit heal build can make her really powerful defensively. Pyra's a lot weaker than Mythra because her attack doesn't reach the same levels as Mythra's and she doesn't have a lot of utility outside of dealing damage. This synergizes really nicely with their character arc because, for Pyra, it shows that Mythra really did see herself as only a weapon when she created Pyra, so Pyra, alongside being a lot weaker, is also a lot more limited to that role. While Mythra, while powerful offensively, becomes broken when used defensively. Which mechanically synergizes with her learning that she isn't an evil ball of destruction. They also have the potential to synergize nicely with the majority of the party. Rex doesn't know about the Aegis war gets to know Pyra as Pyra rather than as the Aegis. Azurda was there for the Aegis war and really should have something to say about Mythra blowing up Torna. Nia's character arc also involves her sealing away her powers because of a fear of being judged for them, Dromarch is an emotional support to Nia, Tora is responsible for creating a blade that can rival Mythra in power and Poppi is that Blade (considering how Pyra and Mythra feels about their own power, this could go somewhere), Morag and Brighid both rub the Aegis war in Pyra's and Mythra's face (Morag initially opposes Rex because she believes the Aegis is too dangerous to be left unsupervised and she's scared of the Aegis's power, which is a parallel that could be drawn to Addam's own attitude towards the Aegis, while Brighid was not only there for the Aegis war, she was extremely judgy and one of the people responsible for Mythra turning into Pyra), and Zeke and Pandoria don't really have any immediately obvious connections, which can be nice if Pyra's and Mythra's relationship with every other character is so closely related to the heavy topic that is her hidden trait. Of course, Xenoblade 2 doesn't do anything with most of these potential synergies, so they don't exist in the context of Xenoblade 2. But they are very useable and potentially very powerful in the context of fanfiction, which is why I made that comment. Mythra's already one of the most complex characters in the game and the writers only really did anything with her potential synergies with Pyra, Addam, and maybe Rex (which could have been further explored). In turn, Pyra and Addam are more interesting characters than they would have been had Mythra not been written to be a part of the story. If Xenoblade 2 had taken more advantage of the potential synergies between different members of the cast, the character writing would be a lot better than it is in the game.

A common issue with writing characters like this is that they can easily feel one-dimensional or tropey. These types of characters work best if you imagine any individual character as a puzzle piece rather than a whole thing to be viewed in isolation. Going back to the example of Pyra and Mythra, if you were to write Pyra without having Mythra or any of the stuff going on there, she becomes a boringly written character that only really plays into the sexist ideals of what makes a good housewife, with her surface traits being that she's demure, sexually innocent, and good at cooking. So by not making those connections and synergies when writing these characters, they become weak characters. The issue becomes worse when the characters synergize badly with other elements of the work they're a part of. This is an area where Xenoblade 2's big issue of its pieces not fitting well together comes to bite the character writing in the ass.

For example, one of the reasons Rex suffers as a character is because the writers tried to make him a weak child character who barely scrapes by most of his encounters, but this does not work well with Xenoblade 2's cathartic combat system. Xenoblade 2's combat system does a lot to make the player feel awesome. It has the flashiest attacks in the series so far, it has some narrator going "excellent" "awesome" "amazing," and it emphasizes the player juggling a lot of simple to execute ideas at once, which makes it extremely satisfying when the player successfully juggles those things and makes big numbers that go brr. This makes Xenoblade 2's combat really unique and fun (easily my favorite moment-to-moment combat in the series). But in relationship to how Rex is written, it's really bad. Gameplay is as much a part of the story of a video game as the writing is, so if the gameplay says "the party is an unstoppable, epic, flashy, and cool and this is a power fantasy where the party can handle anything (that doesn't instantly kill them)" while the story says "the party barely survives the majority of their encounters and the protagonist is way in over his head," then there's going to be a disconnect and players are likely either going to react by believing Rex is terrible protagonist who constantly loses or they'll lean towards believing that the gameplay isn't canon. Neither of these are good results.

The character designs are another aspect of the game that screws over the character writing. For these types of characters, they need to be accompanied by character designs where you can know at a glance what they're all about. This can mean having over the top character designs, but that isn't always the case. If you want some examples, the Fire Emblem series is generally very good at conveying information about its characters through its designs without needing over the top designs. Full Metal Alchemist manages to convey a lot of information about it's characters through their designs even with the majority of them wearing the exact same uniforms. Xenoblade 2 utterly fails at this goal when making its character designs. Pyra's the worst example of this, so I'll use her design to get at what I mean. She's a shy, modest, carries a lot of guilt with her, and is shown multiple times to either be ignorant or disapproving of horniness (mostly shown in H2H's involving Tora). Those are all pretty surface level traits about her, which her character design should convey the most loudly. Alongside that, it's also important that her design connects her to Mythra in some way since their relationship is extremely important to both of their arcs. Because Xenoblade 2 has a mechanical focus on dividing ether in different elements, it's a good idea for Pyra's character design to say "I'm a fire type" in some way. It may also be good to have the design imply that Pyra is a weapon and that she is sealed because that's also relevant to her character arc. Because the Aegis and the Monado are supposed to be connected (but that connection is a massive spoiler), Pyra's design should also have something subtly tying her to Malos and the Monado. Out of those things listed, Pyra's design does convey a connection to Mythra and it does say that she's a fire type. It either doesn't do or does an extremely poor job at conveying everything else. If Pyra is supposed to be demure, why is her design so flashy? If Pyra is going to have multiple lines of dialogue where she explicitly says that she doesn't like horny clothes, why is her design so heavily sexualized? Her flashy design works really well with the flashy gameplay and the sexualized design works well as a waifu collection gacha game, but that comes at the massive expense of the character. The character design and combat animations imply that Pyra is supposed to be cool and sexy, but the character writing says that she is not remotely close to that. If the purpose was to make the character design intentional contradict the character, then a point should be made about that rather than leaving it to the viewer to piece together whatever explanation sounds the smartest to them.

Another way that Xenoblade 2′s characters falter is that their hidden traits often don’t come into play outside of the moment when they’re established. Making anything like that just results in something where there’s a lot going on but it isn’t very interesting. Tora is the worst offender for this, he’s a super-genius, has a strong admiration for Rex because he’s a driver, is overweight, and has a maid fetish. This could easily lead into him having an arc where he has to learn to see Poppi as a real Blade or as a person (and it could synergize nicely with some of the later plot twists about all Blades being artificial lifeforms). It could put an interesting spin on the maid fetish aspect of his character because Poppi is on the receiving end of that most of the time. It could also work nicely with Mythra’s character arc because she has experience being seen for what she is rather than who. It could lead into Poppi having a character arc. Tora could also easily have an arc about learning to believe in himself. Which could work nicely with Rex’s development, or even Pyra or Mythra’s arcs. Instead, Tora gets all of his development in Chapter 4 (which really wasn’t a good time for it because there was a lot that needed to get unpacked with Mythra’s introduction and that gets sidelined a lot quicker than it should have been). And it focuses a lot on how Bana kidnapped his father and forced him to make a bunch of Artificial Blades and also finished Lila. There’s a lot of extra information added about Tora, but the game never draws a connection between Tora’s existing character traits and the new information, nor does it do anything to link those traits. So, a lot of people will see either Tora as a character as “the creepy Nopon with a maid fetish” or “the super-genius who wants to be a real driver.” The deeper stuff about him missing his dad and wanting to honor their memory by finishing a multi-generation long project barely has anything to do with any of his actions outside of this one arc. Alongside that, this hidden trait doesn’t synergize with his surface traits. It’s not that these character traits can’t reasonably coexist, but they also don’t feed into each other very well. And connections absolutely can be made between these traits, but the game opts not to make them.

Azurda is a character who suffers from the game not exploring its characters as much as it should. He is old and he likes to tease Rex but genuinely cares about him. Those are his surface level traits. His hidden traits are that he knows a lot more about the backstory than he lets on and withholds a lot of critical information from the characters because he doesn’t trust Rex to respond rationally with that information. There’s a lot that can be done with that, but the game does nothing. Azurda never expresses any opinion about Rex being Pyra’s driver despite having seen for himself how badly Addam’s partnership with Mythra went. Even if his opinion is that he’s chill with it, that’s something he should have been asked to elaborate on (probably by Pyra?). Instead, he doesn’t serve much of a purpose to anything. Brighid, Poppi, Morag, Dromarch, and Pandoria also suffer from a lack of being properly explored by the writing.

Another issue that Xenoblade 2 has with its character writing is that it turns some of the most important aspects of its characters into late-game plot twists. The advantage of plot twists is that they’re exciting, can carry huge implications for earlier parts of the story that the player can notice upon revisiting it, and can change the trajectory of the story in interesting ways. The problem is that these character plot twists tend to also be at the end of their arcs. The audience doesn’t know about Nia being a Flesh Eater or that she struggles with fear of rejection because of how people have reacted to her being a Flesh Eater until that conflict has already been resolved. We don’t learn about Pyra and Mythra being suicidal until a minute before it’s resolved. That’s a problem because all of the potentially interesting character stuff happens off-screen, which means the player doesn’t get to see it (unless they read fanfictions that specifically address these topics). I already talked about Pyra and Mythra, so I’m going to talk about Nia. Up until a bit before the Flesh Eater reveal, she largely plays straight-man to everyone else’s bullshit and makes a few funny snarky comments. Her role in the party comedically works really well. She is comedic gold and plays especially nicely off of Zeke. However, when it comes to her non-comedic writing, she struggles to be interesting. The first potentially interesting thing we learn about her is that she was allies with Torna (but didn’t know that they kill people? or did she just not think they’d murder a random innocent kid?) The game doesn’t use Nia’s former allegiance to Torna to progress her character, especially in the early game. Nia has been on the run from Indol for years and caused her so much fear that it prevented her from saving Vandham, that should have been a huge deal in the moment, that Nia could have saved him but didn’t. But because Nia being a Flesh Eater isn’t revealed to the audience until much later, the best we get is being able to see her hesitating and clutching her chest and that becoming significant on rewatch. Putting this plot twist so late also means that Nia doesn’t react to Mor Ardain capturing her, Cole openly revealing himself to be a flesh eater, Fan’s powers (in Chp. 4), or her having to exist in Indol nearly as much as she should have. It also makes her join Azurda in the ranks of having known critical plot information but chose not to share it party. The flesh eater reveal happens at an awkward time. Players will either realize early in Chapter 6 or in Chapter 7, depending on whether they caught on during the Niall revive scene. Either the plot twist comes out of nowhere and proceeds to not get addressed or receive any context until midway through Chapter 7 or it comes at a time when the viewer should be concerned about Pyra and Mythra and draws a bunch of attention away from that. Either way, Nia being a flesh eater only manifests in the story as an OP power-up after the reveal. This comes at the expense of certain scenes. For example, Nia soloing Malos visually looks really cool, but because the writing never puts any time on Nia’s relationship with Torna or how that impacted her views of herself as a Flesh Eater, there isn’t any emotional pay-off to this encounter. Her revealing herself as a flesh eater also falls into the same category. The scene is mostly known for “I love you and all you guys!” If the game revealed to the audience that Nia was a flesh eater and spent most of her life having to hide that fact or else be forced to go on the run or get taken advantage of for it, then her character development wouldn’t have to be all cramped into Chapter 7 and her two major scenes there could start to have some emotional payoff. Revealing her status as a flesh eater to the audience early on would also allow for Nia’s arc to compliment Pyra’s and Mythra’s. It could even allow Dromarch to have moments (since a lot of his character is based around him being a support for Nia). Unfortunately, the most interesting aspect of Nia’s character doesn’t get explored, doesn’t show up until really late in the game (late considering that she’s the second party member), and it gets crammed into a spot where the story should have been focusing on Rex and his ability to function without Pyra and Mythra’s help. 

Overall, the character writing in Xenoblade 2 is rather weak because while the characters do function well as comedic units, they try and fail to do anything deeper than that. Either the characters needed to have their deeper or more complicated features way more fleshed out (and also synergize better with other aspects of the game, such as the character designs and combat) or Xenoblade 2 should have backed off from its heavier themes and stuck to being a comedy. 

[raisansgrapeon]

My Views on Some of the Cast of the DSMP

We got a lot of things flying left, right, and center right now about characters in the dream smp fandom and I love it. I love seeing the perspectives and the stances and everyone's opinions as long as we're all being civil about it. So, I'm civilly putting in my two cents about... Well... Everything. But mainly just Ghostbur, Phil, and Techno since this post would get obscenely long if I did everyone.

I'd like to just say one thing about my approach to this story:

The characters are morally ambiguous. No one is the good guy. No one is the bad guy. No one is an exception.

Yes, even Dream falls under this.

These are all people, and I always hesitate to call people bad or good in real life because there is so much more beyond what I can see of them, and I think it's a testament to the wonderful acting, improv, writing, and character establishment/writing that it can get me to see fictional block men who do things like claim their mother is a salmon and fill their palaces with flamingos as people.

With that information, I say that I love every character for who they are in the context of the narrative and how they play their role in said narrative.

And I love how each and every one of them are in the wrong somehow in some way.

Ghostbur is suffering the loss of everything he built, technically, a fourth time over.

First with Dream's initial explosion of L'Manburg, second with the actual explosion of L'Manburg, third with the explosion of Logstedshire, and finally with the final explosion of L'Manburg. He's hurting and yes, we all feel immensely bad for this little amnesiac ghost boy who only ever wrote books and built what he loved.

But he acknowledges that he's also hurt people. He knows that. That's why he wants to be resurrected. Even if he forgets conversations, impressions and residual feelings and ideas still hold over, since he clearly didn't just forget about his desire to be resurrected after he forgot his spat with Phil. He recontextualizes his desires and feelings under new sources but the idea of, this is the only way I can make everyone feel better, still lingers. Fundy told him that he needed to stop running away from his problems and face them. He may have forgotten that conversation, but the idea that who he is and what Ghostbur, as an entity, represents is hurting everyone, lingers.

Ghostbur has hurt people. Not of malicious intent, but intent does not dictate the feelings and actions of those around you in response to your own actions. Ghostbur uses his blue to forget his sorrows, and that action cuts those around him off from the emotional reconciliation Ghostbur knows they need from him.

Even then, who he is is not primed to deal with the fallout that would come if he even had voluntary control over his amnesia. Ghostbur insists he's not Alivebur, but he kinda is in a way. Both are very rigid in their beliefs when their mind is made up. There is no negotiation afterwards. Ghostbur's fundamental ideals have been locked in from the start of his existence. He makes others happy, and he restores L'Manburg. The idea that he no longer has the capability to do either of these things as he is now lingers without context. A ghost of a conversation forgotten that got held onto as the only good thing to come out of it.

Ghostbur is not 100% good. He's airheaded and well meaning, but he's never addressed the core issues that he caused.

Phil is trying to prevent what happened to his son from ever happening again.

Phil is a bigger picture man. He sees the world around him as a collective that works together to maintain itself. He doesn't have many personal ties beyond Techno and Wilbur in canon. He truly acts like a third-party hanging above the fray watching as the tides of war ebb and flow. He sees the corruption and sickness that lies within L'Manburg that killed his son thrive long after the mad king had been struck down. He held hope that in the wake of tragedy, Tubbo and the citizens would turn the tides, but they proved him wrong. What killed his son tried to kill his friend, and Phil was going to stop it.

But Phil was too zoomed out to see the personal aspect that L'Manburg held. He was too focused of the bigger picture to remember that Friend was in his house. He couldn't see L'Manburg as the home of many. He was still too detached from the feelings of the people to understand why Ghostbur was upset in the first place. The conversation between the two was not about Phil trying to get Ghostbur to understand why L'Manburg needed to go, it was Ghostbur trying to get Phil to understand why this was not the right option.

Philza has hurt people. He hurt his son by not only aiding in the destruction of his son's home and Friend, but also refusing to see the individuals in the conflict. He hurt Fundy by rejecting him the moment he realized that his grandson was following the tide of battle in the wrong direction. In the end, Phil never chose to see the situation from any other perspective other than his own.

He's disjointed and disconnected from the world around him. He truly loves and cares for two, at one point three, people on the server canonically and beyond that is an ambiguous blur. This isn't really his battle, in all honesty. He came when he saw that Wil was gonna do something everyone would regret, and he tried to step in and stop it, but beyond that, he was never there for anything. He never cared about L'Manburg and he never cared about its people. He's kind and caring to those in passing and he has a sense of nobility and honor where he respects and helps those who helped him. Still, he sees the world around him as a collective, and rarely anything more.

Philza is not 100% good, but he's not 100% bad. He's principled and intelligent, but he has no concept of how his actions affect the individual beyond the collective.

Techno has been abandoned and played like a fiddle this whole time.

Technoblade is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most straightforward character in the smp in terms of motivation. He is explicit and blatant about his anarchy and goals. Yet, somehow, everyone keeps falling into the thought that Techno is a naturally passive force that can be activated into action. In actuality, Techno is very proactive. He prepares and plans beyond wartime. He acts swiftly and precisely. He follows Sun Tzu's tenants faithfully. He does not idle and sticks to his most recent plan to a T if he thinks he can win.

But Techno doesn't see outside himself. He knows what works for him but is blind to others' needs and desires. Anarchy is how Techno can live comfortably, but not everyone can and certainly not everyone in the server. He plays by his rules and rational and imposes those thoughts onto others, not understanding when they act contrary to his understanding and thus rules them to being irrational on purpose. That they just want to ruin his life.

Techno has hurt people and we all know this. Everyone here believes that Techno betrayed them not when he wouldn't join their government, but when he wouldn't leave well enough alone. He did that too late. If he had conceded at the end of the Manburg-Pogtopia war that he did what he was called to do and just left for retirement in the first place, he could've lived just fine. But he's proactive, and he felt betrayed by them when they instantly instilled not only a new leader, but one under the same format and structure that had already failed twice. But who ever said that was his problem?

Techno, as well as everyone but especially Techno, sees himself as the one in the right all the time. He doesn't regret a single thing he's done, at least not anywhere I've seen. He is sure in his beliefs, lifestyle, principles, and logic. He enforces these on other's and sees them as ignorant and dumb for thinking different to him. It takes a lot for him to let bygones be bygones, and it's easy to provoke him into action. Albeit, none of this is helped by the literal chorus of voices constantly memeing in his head, but my point still stands.

Technoblade is not 100% bad, nor is he 100% good. He's motivated and honest, but he doesn't think about other's preferences having the possibility of having a logic behind them.

I could go on and on with nearly every main player in this story but this is what I have off the top of my head.

Basically: no one is good. No one is bad. They all make mistakes as a result of their flaws and those mistakes negatively affect real people in real ways. And I wouldn't have them act any other way.

Your favorite doesn't need to be a saint. You don't have to bend over backwards to defend your fave in order to make them the morally correct person in any given situation. Let yourself love a rich, flawed character. Because they deserve to be loved for their flaws and all.

They deserve to be loved as people.

[softlass27]

Okay okay you don't have to do this now, but i was also wondering about your Eve fic: I've always been a daughter, because MY GOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Like your entire thought process behind Eve's character, how her relationship with Paddy and Chas came to be, just kdlsf everything. Sorry okay xx luv you!

So this is probably the most random, spontaneous thing I’ve ever written. It was borne out of two Chaddy-related irritations.

The first was them having another baby barely one year after the traumatic loss of the first one. It was so strange to me that everyone reacted so happily when they announced Chas was pregnant again, literally months after being devastated by Grace. It seemed way too soon, like Eve was essentially just there to replace what they’d lost and help them move on from it. And their obsessive paranoia over making sure Eve was okay all the time drove me mad, and just made me think it was bound to mess her up. To quote my mother, “The kid doesn’t stand a chance with those two.”

The second irritation was the way Chas kept trying to push Aaron to engage and spend time with Eve just after he’d lost Robert and Seb – and the chance of having another child of his own. It was so insensitive and cruel of her to use Eve to guilt Aaron into moving on by saying that she “needs her big brother”. She (plus Paddy and Liv) didn’t give a shit that Aaron had lost Robert, didn’t let him mourn everything he’d lost, they just wanted him to bounce back and forget all about him.

Somewhere along the line I started thinking, wouldn’t it be great if Chaddy’s constant pushing backfired and Eve became the biggest Robert stan of them all?

So that’s basically where it came from – anti-Chaddy spite.

Eve’s character

Oh God, I was SO nervous about writing her. I had a really clear picture of her in my head – that she’d be pretty well-behaved kid, very girly, quietly confident, and generally quite a chilled-out kid. But getting all that across in a way that made her likeable stressed me out so much, I was terrified that people either wouldn’t like her or just wouldn’t care about her.

It’s also the only fic I’ve written where the focus isn’t on Robron (although ofc there’s LOTS of them in there), so I was concerned people would be annoyed by that.

Relationship with Chaddy

Ahaha where to begin?

So obviously Eve’s relationship with her parents was a big part of the story. I wanted to make it clear that their trauma from losing Grace was never dealt with because they had Eve so quickly, and unfortunately that means Eve is the one to suffer because of it. Their grief becomes unhealthy, and it causes flaws that they already had – control issues, overbearing natures, a belief that they’re always in the right – to spiral out of control into something more extreme and sinister.

In the first half of the story, when Eve’s still a kid, their controlling and overprotective behaviour is something that she’s aware of but accepts easily enough, because she doesn’t know any different. Then when she becomes a teenager, there’s a shift in how it manifests. Once she starts to understand that something’s wrong and pull away, this is when the real breakdown of their relationship happens. They basically go between two extremes – either smothering her completely by inventing illnesses/stop her from becoming independent, or pushing her away and giving her the cold shoulder whenever she tries to resist said smothering.

There’s a form of mental illness/abuse that I find absolutely fascinating, which is called Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy (NHS link here). Not that much is known about it, but it basically involves an abuser (usually a parent or caregiver) faking illnesses in their child. It can be for a variety of reasons – power, attention, control, financial gain. I wasn’t comfortable actually labelling Chaddy’s treatment of Eve as this specific form of abuse, since I’m not a mental health professional (not yet anyway, I’m training to become one!), but it’s definitely something I had in the back of my mind when I was writing this. I doubt it’s a story the show would ever do, since it would mean turning Chaddy into actual villains, but I think the potential is definitely there with Eve!

I suppose the other thing to mention is Grace. Oh, Eve’s feelings about her sister are so complicated, probably more complicated than I was able to convey, though I loved giving it a good go. When she’s still a child, Eve’s main feeling in regards to Grace is confusion. Confusion over what happened to her, why she makes her parents so sad, why her not being here means Eve doesn’t get to do normal things like other kids.

Then when she gets older and understands, her feelings get a lot more messy. There’s anger, sadness, resentment... and a strange sort of disconnect between what her parents tell her to feel and what she actually feels. Not to mention the cold reality she tries not to dwell on too much – the only reason she was born is because Grace had died. 

Relationship with Aaron

Obviously I wanted Eve to be close to Aaron, and for him to sort of be her lifeline, her only real shot at growing up “normally”. Chaddy foisting her on him so much as a child means he sort of naturally becomes a third parent as well as a big brother. He’s the one who provides the things that a good parent is supposed to – support, encouragement, pushing her to be the best/as happy as she can be.

So yeah, Chaddy’s plan to use Eve to make Aaron act in the way they wanted backfires MASSIVELY. She becomes the only one who helps him get through losing Robert, and who (admittedly unknowingly) helps them get back together. And in turn, Eve spending so much time with Aaron makes her grow up strong and resilient – just like he is – and Chaddy can’t stand that. Ah, sweet irony.

Another thing I like about Eve and Aaron is that – on the surface – they have nothing in common. Unlike Liv, who was basically brought in as a “mini female Aaron”, Eve is very much her own person and very different to her big brother. But there are a few subtle similarities in their personalities that I did try to show – they’re both quite blunt when they want to be, they’re both quite easily-pleased and find simple pleasure in things, and neither of them suffer fools for long. And they both adore Robert. Speaking of whom…

Relationship with Robert

Literally one of the first thoughts I had about this story was: Eve will fall in love with Robert instantly. What little girl wouldn’t? The sweet relationship between them was one of my favourite things to write, their conversations always seemed to flow so naturally. It was also a soothing balm to my irritation over Liv hating Robert for literally no reason (other than she wanted Aaron all to herself). It never made any sense to me, so I wanted Eve to be the exact opposite. Writing Chaddy’s reaction to this was also very fun lol.

One thing that’s really lovely about them is how Robert becomes the only person who really understands what it’s like to not get along with your parents (and to be constantly compared to another sibling). To feel suffocated/desperate to get away, yet also upset when they reject you and guilty because you aren’t falling into line with their plans for you. Of course Aaron understands to an extent, because he obviously knows what Chas and Paddy can be like, but it wasn’t something he personally grew up with.

Ballet 

So Eve’s dance career wasn’t planned, not at all. It was initially just a hobby I used to show that she’s a proper girly girl. It wasn’t until I reached her teenage years that I realised I needed some sort of big conflict to cause the final showdown. I knew whatever it was had to lead to her moving into the Mill, before leaving the village and getting away from Chaddy for good.

I know from personal experience that if you grow up in the north and decide you want to pursue a career in the arts, you’re probably going to have to leave home and move to where the opportunities are. So the idea came to me that turning Eve’s passion for ballet into a career choice would mean she HAD to leave home, and it would serve as the ideal catalyst for this final fight.

I do have a head canon in my head about how Eve’s twenties and her early dance career will go. Who knows if I’ll ever write it, though!

[aakanchha]

*Debunking Corporate Art Style*

In this entry, I will examine the critical question(s): What is the importance of multiculturalism and representation in today’s society? Why is it important to distinguish between representation and tokenization? What truth does this artifact promote or ignore? How is it productive or counterproductive to society? 

To investigate these questions, I examined a video called “Why do ‘Corporate Art Styles’ Feel Fake?” which breaks down the new trendy corporate art style which has been quickly adopted by huge corporations. This artifact fails to achieve the goal of multiculturalism as it leans more towards tokenization rather than representation. In doing so it is counterproductive to society as it fails to promote any characteristics of the people it is trying to represent. 

Corporate art style which was initially called Alegria was designed by a design firm named Buck in 2017 for facebook. It is a vector-based art style which adopts minimalist, flat designs which are easy to recreate and appears inclusive. As the main design consists of non representational skin color like pink, blue or purple with drastically disproportionate people. Although initially designed for facebook, big corporations like Google, Uber, Hinge were quick to jump on the trend because of its simplistic and non offensive style. 

Goldzwig in his article cites Cornel West where he defines multiculturalism as, “Principally consists of forging solid and reliable alliances of people of color and white progressives guided by a moral and political vision of greater democracy and individual freedom in communities, states, and transnational enterprises such as corporations and information and communications conglomerates”(Goldzwig,1998). He talks about the importance for us as a society to study multiculturalism to truly understand the world we live in. While focusing on concepts like cultural localism to be able to properly study different cultures rather than making assumptions with no basis. To enable us to make adjustments to our educational pedagogy in accordance to the changing environment. 

Firstly,  the images being used are an array of different people not particularly doing anything or conveying any message. Even in the example picture clipped in this article, you can see someone scribbling, some on their laptop and some people just holding different geometric shapes. Although it appears like an innocent artwork not communicating a specific message it speaks a whole lot if someone actually takes the time to think about it. Initially, when created companies approved of this art style as they thought it appeared inclusive. Which means that the message that the company is trying to promote by using this art style on their websites and advertising campaigns is to show that they are diverse as a company. However, since it isn’t actual people being shown in the artifact, this particular art style has made it easier for corporations to appear diverse even though that might not be the reality. Creating an opportunity for tokenization of certain counter publics without having to take accountability for the messages they are promoting. Instead, if they were using actual people instead of an art style to promote this message then they would have to think about how and what they were communicating. 

Secondly, to achieve the goal of inclusivity companies have opted to use non representational skin color like pink, purple or blue. The video used to examine the artifact shows websites where the description of this art style is stated as, “help them instantly achieve a universal feel”  and further adds “we loved creating this batch of animations that celebrate diversity and highlight global cultural events”. Showing us their main intention for the artwork which is inclusivity. However, by using non representational skin color the company is failing to represent anyone. The tactic being used by the corporations to be non offensive or safe has completely taken away from the whole idea of multiculturalism and diversity. Goldwiz theory of cultural localism is all about being able to study cultures in a proper manner so they are not being misrepresented. This is so when other people read about a particular community they are getting proper information. However, this takes the culture, race, gender, sexuality away by not representing anyone. The elements and symbols people use to identify themselves have been stripped down to flat, purple cartoon characters. 

Furthermore, using art style like this instead of using real people for diversity and representation takes away the emotion and people’s ability to empathize and connect to the message that is being communicated. As people find it much easier to empathize or relate to when they can put a face or connect someone’s face to a story. To examine this a little further we can look into the black lives matter movement. Even though there are plenty of lives being lost everyday just hearing the numbers on the news has made people feel disconnected from the reality of the situation. After the news of George Floyd being murdered broke out people were able to connect a person to the news they heard, empathize for the victim and his family which gave a huge momentum to the black lives matter movement. The idea of representation and multiculturalism is about understanding the diverse world we live in as it influences our present and future. Marginalized people wanting to see more representation is to see their truth being spoken and heard by the public. Especially in a world where we are so quick to put people in different boxes and succumb to stereotypes. Multiculturalism and cultural localism is supposed to help break those stereotypes. Help put down the ethnocentric lens and learn about people from a community different than our own. So, multi million dollars corporations having just cartoon characters represent different people takes away from their story and the goal of why we seek representation and diversity. 

Furthermore, as the video states, the characters that appear in this particular art style are “aggressively happy” completely disconnected from the reality we live in. This particular art style visualizes an utopia where issues regarding race, gender, sexuality are not prevalent. It ignores the culture war we are currently facing with black lives matter and blue lives matter. So corporations who have a huge budget for marketing and research making a choice of using just “safe, inclusive” art style are very counter productive to society. As Burke states, “Human is the symbol-using animal”(Burke,1989). This artifact plastered all over social media acts as a symbol in today’s society where social media is so prevalent in our lives. Huge social media corporations like facebook and search engines like google where people have now started getting their daily news should be held accountable for what they are promoting. Or in the case of this artifact their failure to promote the message of diversity by playing safe. 

Lastly it is important that corporations aren’t using art style that gives them a free pass where they can appear to be diverse. In the article by Sara Ahmed, it talks about the distinction between companies just trying to meet the requirements for diversity instead of fulfilling the requirements. It states, “ Because compliance does sound very much like a kind of minimalist tick box approach, look over your shoulder; see whether you can be done for not doing something as it were” (Ahmed, 2007). This artifact exactly represents what Sara talks about when they are “doing diversity”. As by using this art style people are just trying to fulfill the requirements of diversity and ticking the box by appearing diverse rather than actually trying to be diverse and promote it. It is being used in a purely commercial way to benefit the corporation and overall give this big arching view about the company to appear good in papers. 

During a critical time where conversations about inequality and injustice are so prevalent. Big corporations should be invested in trying to shine light on these issues. Instead we have this art style big corporations have opted to promote which does not represent any group or culture just to check off their diversity box. Not just playing it safe for themselves but giving many other companies the opportunity to do the same by setting an example which is why this artifact is unproductive to the society. 

Steven R. Goldzwig (1998) Multiculturalism, rhetoric and the twenty‐first century, Southern Communication Journal, 63:4, 273-290, DOI: 10.1080/10417949809373102

“Why Do ‘Corporate Art Styles’ Feel Fake?” YouTube, 6 Feb.2021, youtu.be/lFb7BOI_QFc. 

Sara Ahmed (2007) ‘You end up doing the document rather than doing the doing’: Diversity, race equality and the politics of documentation, Ethnic and Racial Studies, 30:4, 590-609, DOI: 10.1080/01419870701356015

Gusfield, Joseph R. Kenneth Burke on Symbols and Society. The University of Chicago Press, 1989

[whumphoarder]

Them’s the Breaks

Summary: Peter is home alone and ends up breaking his ankle. Figuring his super healing will fix it overnight, he doesn’t tell anyone and tries to sleep it off, only to wake up in the middle of the night in agony. Cue Tony, saving his ass yet again.

(Alternative title: Super Healing is Not All it’s Cracked Up To Be Tibia)

Word count: 3,174

Genre: Whump, hurt/comfort, fluffy angst

A/N: Thanks to @sallyidss for beta reading!

Link to read on Ao3

Prior to being bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter had broken exactly one bone in his life.

He was eleven. Someone dared him to do a flip on a trampoline at a classmate’s birthday party. The flip itself was mediocre, but the landing was legendary. Blood streamed down Peter’s face from his now crooked, throbbing nose, ruining both his brand new stormtrooper t-shirt and the horrified birthday girl’s pink dress.

Ned—ever the sympathetic friend—had puked on the spot, which hadn’t done wonders for either of their middle school social statuses.

Peter managed to hold it together pretty well for the twenty minutes it had taken Ben to arrive, but the second the car door was shut and they pulled out of the driveway, the façade crumbled. Peter’s shoulders shook and tears ran down his cheeks, stinging his nose, because, as it turned out, broken bones just really hurt. Almost as much as Peter’s pride.

But Ben was there, and Ben always knew how to make Peter feel better. He cracked jokes about his nephew’s failing gymnastics career and tossed wadded up Burger King napkins at the kid’s messy face all the way to urgent care until Peter’s choked sobs turned to quiet giggles.

The doctor reset Peter’s nose and May fussed over him all weekend, making sure he was icing it appropriately. Three weeks later, he was back to normal.

But that was before the bite—before Peter had taken the unofficial job of crime-fighting teenage vigilante.

He’s up to eight bones now, lifetime total. Besides the nose, there were four ribs last summer (for the record, being thrown into brick walls really sucks), his collarbone back in January (missed a web and crashed onto the roof of a parking garage), and two fingers just before spring break (got stomped on by some dude gallivanting about in a rhino costume, what even is his life?). Luckily, super healing came as part of the package, so what had taken Peter’s sixth grade body weeks to repair, he now accomplishes in mere hours.

Today, however, it’s not Spider-Man who injures himself. It’s just Peter Parker, fresh off an evening patrol, wiping out in the goddamn shower.

“Oh shit!” Peter gasps sharply as his feet slide out from under him on the wet surface. His hand flies out on reflex and grasps the shower curtain, which he pulls down on top of him. As he slams onto the floor of the tub, his ankle rolls sideways underneath him. A split-second later, the metal curtain rod hits him in the face.

“...Rude…” he groans.

Water is still streaming down from the shower, splashing onto the sheet of vinyl now covering Peter’s body. He pulls the curtain off himself with another groan and gingerly pushes himself up to sitting. Half-blind from the shampoo running into his eyes, he reaches up over his head and fumbles for the shower handle. The water stops.

Peter makes to stand, but a sudden jolt of pain just above his ankle stops him. With a grunt, he lets himself fall back against the tub, teeth clenched.

Oh yeah, he’s never gonna live this one down.

It’s not his most graceful moment, but somehow Peter manages to extricate himself from the tub. Thankfully May is out of town this weekend so no one is around to hear the crashes and muffled curses issuing from the bathroom. He quickly dries off and pulls on some clean sweat pants and a t-shirt before hopping on his left leg to retrieve a bag of frozen peas from the kitchen. Once back in his bedroom, he carefully props the already-swelling ankle up on pillows and rests his makeshift ice pack on top.

It’s times like these when Peter curses his mutated spider metabolism for burning through normal painkillers so fast that Tylenol and ibuprofen are about as effective as Skittles. Tony has better drugs at the compound—the kind that actually work on him—but Peter isn’t too keen on explaining to his mentor how someone who’d stopped a runaway car with his bare hands and walked away without a scratch a few hours ago was no match for his own bathroom.

Plus, it’s really not that bad. He can deal. He’ll just sleep it off and everything will be fine by the morning.

X

Peter wakes to nauseating pain.

It takes him a moment to orient himself. He’s lying on his bed in a tangle of covers, a deep, pulsing ache radiating from his right ankle. He flaps his hand around under his pillow until he locates his phone and lifts it to his face to check the time. It’s 1:13 a.m.

God, this sucks.

When Peter pushes himself up to sitting, he can’t help but let out a muffled cry as a fresh wave of agony shoots through his leg all the way to the hip. It’s healing—he swears he can actually feel the bone knitting itself back together under his skin—but something about it feels different. Wrong.

Flipping on the bedside lamp, he pulls his covers off his aching foot and instantly gasps at the sight. It’s purple with bruises and swollen to double its usual size. On the side, right where the ache is deepest, the bone is jutting out at a weird angle and his stomach rolls at the sight. When he tries to move his foot slightly, searing pain nearly makes him lose his dinner.

This isn’t right. None of his past breaks have ever hurt this much. He can’t do this anymore—he needs help.

Fingers trembling, he types out his message: Mr. Stark? Are you awake?

It’s about thirty seconds before Peter sees the three dots indicating that Tony is typing: Haven’t slept since the 90s, kid. Why?

Peter steels himself with a deep breath as another pulse of pain stabs his ankle. He types out and backspaces a few different variations of his confession, ranging from ‘I fucked up my ankle and it’s killing me pls send help’ to ‘Nothing, just couldn’t sleep, sorry’ before finally settling on a vague version of the truth:

I might have done something dumb

Within five seconds of sending the text, Peter’s phone starts ringing, startling him. His fingers fumble to accept the call. When he speaks, his voice comes out more like a squeak than anything else. “Yeah?”

Tony cuts right to the chase. “How dumb are we talking here?” he asks briskly. “Because my lawyers generally appreciate a heads up.”

“No, it’s not that kind of dumb,” Peter manages to grit out through the pain. “It’s um… it’s just…” he trails off, not sure quite how to word this.

“It’s one in the morning. Just spit it out,” Tony prompts.

Tears are pricking at the corners of Peter’s eyes now, the ache somehow finding a way to become even deeper. “I-I got hurt,” he manages to say.

Tony’s tone instantly sobers. “Where? How bad?”

“No no, it’s not that bad,” Peter says quickly. “I just messed up my ankle or something. I thought I could just sleep it off and my healing would fix it, but it’s like”—he takes a shuddery inhale—“It just… it just really hurts, Mr. Stark.” He wants to cry; he feels absolutely pathetic.

Tony curses under his breath and Peter hears a lot of movement from the other end of the line. “Why didn’t I get any alerts from Karen on this?” he demands. “Because I put all those safety features in your suit for a reason and if I find out you coerced that Ned buddy of yours into disabling yet another layer of security, I swear to god, Pete—”

“I didn’t, I promise,” Peter interrupts. “Karen doesn’t know because it didn’t happen on patrol.”

“How did it happen then?”

“I just… kinda fell?”

“You fell?” Tony questions, confusion in his voice. “Fell where?”

Peter’s face flushes. “You know what, I-I’ll be okay,” he says. “I’m sorry to bother you, it’ll be fine in the morning, just—” Another pulse of pain shoots daggers up his right leg and his breath hitches.

“I’m already on my way,” Tony says, and Peter can hear the sound of wind rushing over the line now. “ETA, thirteen minutes.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to come out here!” Peter protests. “I just need some of those painkillers that you and Dr. Banner made. I dunno, maybe you could just send a couple over in one of your suits...?”

“Cute,” Tony remarks. “It’s adorable how you think I’m gonna let a fifteen-year-old dose out a drug strong enough to knock the Winter Soldier on his ass.”

“I’m sixteen now,” Peter argues. “Sixteen and a half, actually.”

“Equally adorable how you think stating your age in fractions helps your case,” Tony quips. “Listen, just hold tight, kid—I’ll be there soon.”

Peter sighs as the call disconnects.

X

Eleven minutes later, Tony arrives at the apartment and lets himself in with the spare key May had given him when it became apparent Peter's internship was more than just a run-of-the-mill semester-long program. He pauses in the doorway of Peter’s messy room to gaze at the miserable teenager sprawled out on the bed.

“Jesus, kid,” Tony swears quietly.

Peter gives a small wave. “Hey,” he mumbles. The nausea is back and he’s sweating slightly now. “Did you bring the drugs?”

“I did,” Tony says, his gaze narrowing as he steps closer to the bed, “but given that your ankle is currently resembling Violet Beauregarde’s, you’re not getting any until FRIDAY does her thing.”

Peter huffs, but he’s in too much pain to come up with anything witty to say. He holds still as Tony taps twice at the nanotech armor’s housing unit on his chest. A light appears and quickly scans over Peter’s body from head to toe.

After a moment, the light disappears again. “Scan complete, boss,” FRIDAY reports. “Partially healed misaligned fracture detected in the lower right tibia.”

“I broke my leg?” Peter balks. “I thought it was the ankle?”

“Your ankle is made up of three bones,” Tony explains. He pulls out his phone and starts typing something as he goes on. “Tibia, fibula…”—he pauses and glances up, frowning—“and that one that doesn’t rhyme.”

“The talus, boss,” FRIDAY supplies.

Diverting his attention back to the phone screen, Tony gives a short nod of acknowledgment. “Yeah, that one.”

“Oh.” Peter glances down awkwardly. “Um, I’m gonna take anatomy next semester.”

Tony hums absently. He finishes tapping out whatever message he’s been sending and pockets the device again. “In the meantime, I’m sure Bruce can tell you more fun bone facts when we get to Medbay.”

“Whoa, wait, what do you mean Medbay?” Peter demands, a fresh wave of panic and guilt crashing over him. “All I need is some meds so I can sleep through the worst of it and I’ll be fine,” he insists.

Tony huffs. “Your knowledge of anatomy might be lacking, but last time I checked you were getting an A in English so you should know that ‘misaligned’ isn’t a word you want connected to ‘fracture’. It’s healing wrong. You need x-rays. And a real doctor.”

With a groan, Peter drapes his arm dramatically over his face. “Great. Even my super healing is against me.”

“Not to mention you still haven’t told me how you fell,” Tony continues with a pointed look, “so if you’re trying to hide some other injury, or a vertigo thing, or—”

“I’m not,” Peter mumbles into the crook of his elbow. With a sigh, he lowers the arm from his face and looks miserably up at his mentor. “I just slipped in the stupid shower.”

To Tony’s credit, he doesn’t laugh.

(Even though his lips do twitch.)

Instead, he steps out of the bedroom and returns a moment later with a cup of water, which he hands to the kid along with two of the super strength painkillers from the orange pill bottle in his pocket. Peter downs them gratefully.

“Your aunt’s got her car here, right?” Tony checks.

Peter nods. “She took an Uber to the airport. Won’t be back until late Sunday. Conference for work.”

“Think she’d mind if we use it as a makeshift ambulance?”

Peter just shrugs.

“Alright then.” Tony presses the housing unit again and this time the armor encases his whole body. “Now I’m gonna pick you up and carry you down to the parking lot, and you’re not gonna make a big deal about it. Capisce?”

Peter suppresses a groan of embarrassment as he’s gathered carefully into Tony’s arms. Maybe next time he wipes out in the shower, he’ll get lucky and just drown.

X

The painkillers are strong and Peter ends up sleeping through most of the two-hour drive back to the compound. By the time they pull into the parking garage—May’s little dented Ford Focus looking positively ridiculous next to Tony’s array of expensive sports cars—it’s nearly four in the morning.

Bruce is waiting for them with a wheelchair, which Peter instantly balks at using.

“I don’t need that—I can totally walk,” he protests.

Bruce gives him a sympathetic smile. “Yeah, that’s not a good idea. Judging by the scans FRIDAY sent ahead for me, your bone rotated as it healed—that’s why it looks so deformed right now. Walking on it is only going to cause further problems.”

“You heard the man,” Tony says, gesturing to the chair. He smirks. “Unless you'd prefer me to get the suit on again.”

With a groan, Peter transfers himself into the chair. His ankle really does feel better now. The swelling is down and the pain only flares up when he jostles it too much—he can tell the bone has mostly knit itself back together.

Once back in Medbay, they’re joined by another doctor—someone from SHIELD called Helen Cho who Peter has never met before. She does some x-rays and an MRI while Peter half-dozes, still foggy from the medication.

When the scans are complete, he’s transferred back to a hospital bed while the two doctors talk over the results with him and Tony. Peter tries to pay attention but he’s still groggy and exhausted, so the medical jargon sounds more like irritating droning than actual words. Then all of a sudden, the three of them start throwing around words like ‘rebreaking’ and ‘inserting pins’ and ‘realignment surgery’ and Peter snaps right out of his haze.

“Whoa, whoa, what do you mean surgery?” Peter demands. “It’s fine, oh my god.”

Dr. Cho gives him a half-smile. “Look here, Peter.” She holds up the x-ray and points to the bulge on the side of Peter’s ankle. “This malunion is going to significantly reduce your mobility, as well as potentially cause chronic pain. Given your”—she pauses for a moment—“unusually active lifestyle, I would highly suggest surgical correction sooner rather than later.”

And that’s how, several hours later, Peter finds himself lying on a bed in a pre-op room at SHIELD Medical, waiting for some surgeons to take a bone-saw to his freshly healed right leg.

“How you feeling, kiddo?” Tony asks, plopping himself down in an armchair beside the bed.

“Really stupid,” Peter answers honestly. He gazes down at the deformed bones in his ankle. “All this from falling in the shower.”

Tony huffs out a laugh. “Eh, this shit happens. One time in college, I threw my back out during a ping-pong match with Rhodey.”

Peter’s eyes widen. “Seriously?”

Tony nods. “Bodies are dumb. Even enhanced ones—did you know Steve once sneezed so hard he dislocated a rib?”

Peter gives him a skeptical look. “Now you’re joking.”

“Cross my heart,” Tony chuckles. “Then Thor clapped him on the back and popped it back in.”

Peter opens his mouth to express his disbelief at this information, but before he can do so, a nurse dressed in light blue scrubs comes in to take him to the OR. A fresh wave of anxiety comes over Peter and he shoots his mentor a pleading look.

“You’re really sure this is necessary?” Peter tries one last time.

Tony gives his shoulder a squeeze. “You’ll be fine,” he assures. “As soon as you’re healed up, I’ll teach you some sweet ping-pong moves.”

Peter smirks. “Maybe I should get Rhodey to show me so I don’t throw out my back.”

“Nah, you don’t want him either,” Tony says, waving his hand dismissively. “I might have thrown out my back, but he ended up with a concussion.”

Peter blinks at him. “What kind of ping-pong games did you play?”

Tony locks eyes with him. “Ball is life, kid.”

X

The surgery itself goes as well as can be expected. Peter wakes up groggy and disoriented, with three new metal pins inside his ankle and a bright red cast around the outside. Bruce feeds him ice chips, and Tony video calls May from his Starkpad so she can fuss over her nephew a bit from Denver. Peter silently marvels at how this ridiculous life he leads has somehow brought him to the point where Iron Man and the Hulk are functioning as his postoperative caretakers.

Then his thoughts are derailed when he suddenly throws up bile all over the bedsheets and Tony’s tablet.

“It’s okay, Peter,” Bruce assures the thoroughly humiliated boy—who is now clutching a pink plastic basin to his chest as if his life depends on it—as he helps the nurse to strip the bed. “Nausea is a really common side effect of the anesthesia, and especially considering how much you had to be under for your metabolism, this is to be expected.”

Standing off to the side, wiping the tablet down with disposable disinfectant wipes, Tony huffs. “I mean if you knew that, Bruce, you could have warned me…”

Whether the antiemetics the doctors give Peter do their job or simply knock him out through the worst of the nausea, Peter will never know. But when he wakes again a few hours later, life is significantly better.

X

He’s released from Medical the next morning and Tony brings him back to the compound to finish recovering in his own room. The cast comes off Sunday morning and Peter’s good as new.

Late Sunday afternoon, Tony drops Peter back off at his apartment—Happy tailing along behind in a much shinier, undented, and heavily upgraded Ford Focus—and thanks May for loaning him her vehicle before asking permission to use their restroom.

Emerging from the bathroom a few minutes later, Tony ruffles Peter’s hair and tells the kid to take it easy before driving off again.

When Peter goes to take a shower later that night, he finds the floor of the tub covered in adhesive non-slip rubber duck decals.

(Yeah, Peter’s never gonna live this one down.)

X

Fic Masterlist

For more Tony helping Peter out sticky of situations, try:

 You Broke Tony 

 The Five Times Peter Denies an Illness or Injury + the One Time He Doesn’t

[spaceskam]

how do i breathe

i’m avoiding my responsibilities and my longer fics because they’re intimidating me, so i decided i’m just going to gradually write every single one of @acomebackstory‘s wlw headcanons because she had multiple aspec related things and i’m a sucker for that. anyway lesbian cam being fwb with bisexual kyle

“You wanna try something a little unconventional?”

“We literally just had sex in Alex’s bed instead of simply taking his dog for a walk and leaving, what could possibly be more unconventional?”

Jenna rolled her eyes as she shifted to face Kyle better. He was handsome. Like, cover of a magazine handsome. She knew that. She had sex with that. And it was good. And, still, it wasn’t hitting the right marks. She was running out of things to try to see what filled those gaps.

“Do you want to go to a gay bar with me this weekend?” she asked. Kyle furrowed his eyebrows and then turned to face her. He was silent and she didn’t prod. Hell, she was just as lost, but he was the only one aside from Alex she trusted not to make a big deal out of her request. And Alex was traveling the world to dismantle a giant fucking conspiracy that had hubs in Guam, San Juan, Fortaleza, and a million other places.

“Sure, we can go,” Kyle said instead of asking questions. She was thankful. Primarily because she didn’t have answers.

“Cool.”

-

Jenna was a very well-to-do, established, put-together woman.

And by the time she’d been sent the fourth drink by random women, she realized she was in way over her head.

“This was a bad idea,” she said, turning to Kyle. He was staring into his drink with a face that looked like he’d just been told he was pregnant and was trying to work out how that happened.

“Yeah, maybe,” he agreed.

“This is just too much at once,” she continued and didn’t try to figure out what exactly that meant. She was just overwhelmed and couldn’t think.

“Yeah,” he said.

The left the bar faster than they’d entered.

“Are you okay?” she asked him. He licked his lips and looked at her, opening and closing his mouth a few times as if he had something to say because didn’t have the words. She waited for him to call her out. She waited for him to say words that had been floating in her mind since she was a teenager, but she’d always pushed away and decided she’d deal with it later.

But now it was later and she needed help.

“I’m fine,” Kyle decided and then held out his hand. She took it thankfully and smiled when he gave it a comforting squeeze. “Let’s go to a bar that we actually are prepared to enter.”

“Lead the way.”

They both climbed into the front seat of the car, but the car never started. They simply sat there and stared out the front glass in silence. The longer she stared, the more Jenna’s throat tightened and she felt like she was going to cry. Which was bullshit. There was nothing cry-worthy about this. Nothing happened.

But, then again, that was the point. Nothing happened.

“Are you okay?” Kyle asked softly.

Jenna took a deep breath and let out a shaky laugh. “No.”

“Wanna talk about it?” he wondered. Jenna sniffled and turned to him. He was her best friend. She trusted him more than anyone. She loved him. And yet she didn’t love him. 

“Can I ask you a question?” she said. He nodded without hesitation. “Can you tell me why I was able to sleep with you, the most conventionally attractive man in the world, acknowledge that it was super good, and still not really be into it? What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you,” Kyle said, thankfully not offended, “Maybe I’m just not what you really want.”

“What do I want?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Well, I wish someone would because this is fucking ridiculous,” Jenna laughed. Tears slipped past her eyes and she instantly started feeling like a baby, but she needed to get it out. She needed to speak. “Sorry, I just... I don’t get it. Nothing works. I feel... I feel disconnected, like something’s wrong with me. Like every man I’m with is just... fine. I’m going through the motions. I look at these couples and I see what they have and I want it and I can’t fucking find it. I feel like I’m holding my breath and waiting for someone to come along and remind me how to breathe, but it’s never there. Nothing is ever there. I’m-I’m suffocating.”

“Hey,” Kyle said softly, reaching across the center console and grabbing her hand again. He made her look at him, “Yesterday, I went to the gym like I often do. There was this guy there that’s there all the time, he’s spotted me a couple times. Big, buff guy, probably in his late 30s. Super good looking, like, makes me look like a thumb in comparison.”

Jenna laughed softly, “Is there a reason for this story or did you just feel the need to tell me about this guy?”

“There’s a reason,” he promised, chuckling softly, “Anyway, yesterday, he asked me to coffee. Like, a date.” 

Her eyes widened. “Oh?” 

“Mhm,” Kyle said, shaking his eye and closing his eyes in embarrassment, “And I cried in the bathroom.” She squeezed his hand like he’d done for her and waited. “I basically avoided him and ran out and tried to go bury myself in Project Shepard work so I could focus on literally anything else other than the fucking swarm of feelings I had from that two-second encounter. And then fucking Guerin of all people came down and forced me to talk. And you know what he said?”

“What?” Jenna asked, genuinely curious.

“He said that being queer isn’t that big of a concept and that I should accept because I had bigger issues to deal with and that I had people around me who didn’t care and would love me regardless. He told me if I thought that guy was hot, then I should go to coffee with him, even if I was still unsure because the best way to figure it out is to try. He said as long as you’re upfront with the fact that you’re trying to figure shit out, then no one gets hurt,” Kyle said, taking a deep breath and smiling, “So I’m passing his advice onto you.”

Jenna closed her eyes and folded her lips in. And then she smiled.

“Okay. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now let’s go dismantle a government conspiracy.”

-

“You look like shit.”

Jenna snorted as she looked up to Maria. She was gorgeous and had eyes that felt like a challenge. Jenna liked that about her. She liked the way she was blunt and open, but not necessarily mean about it. Which is precisely why they hung out multiple nights in a row. She felt safe. Like Kyle felt safe except, while she knew Kyle like a children’s book she’d memorized, Maria was a new novel with a summary that was just her cup of tea.

“Thanks,” she said, taking a sip of her whiskey. It stung the back of her throat and Maria simply smiled when she didn’t make a face.

“What’s wrong?” Maria prodded, “And don’t lie. I’m psychic.”

Jenna scoffed, looking at the bartender and hoping maybe she could solve all her problems. But perhaps that was the whiskey talking. Maria simply leaned forward and pushed her to speak with a raised eyebrow.

“If you’re so psychic,” Jenna started, “Then what am I thinking right now?”

She swallowed and took ahold of her confidence and looked up to Maria with a smile. Maria licked her lips and let out a soft laugh.

“You’re thinking that we close in twenty minutes and that you really don’t want to go so soon,” Maria decided. Jenna shrugged and brought her glass to her lips.

“Sounds right to me.”

The twenty minutes went by both too fast and not fast enough. Then she waited the extra thirty minutes that it took for them to close up and then the other bartenders left and it was just them. Excitement prodded at her, eager for whatever this meant. She was so curious to figure out if she’d finally solved the puzzle. She was sure she had, but... confirmation was important.

“You look good out of uniform, by the way,” Maria said, now sitting on the barstool beside her. Jenna was very, very aware of each time their legs brushed and their elbows bumped. So, so, aware. “Not that you don’t look fantastic in uniform. Because... you really do.”

Kyle’s words rang in her mind. As long as you’re upfront then no one gets hurt. Jenna turned to face her completely and took a deep breath. She had enough whiskey in her system to make a move, might as well be now.

“I think I’m gay and I have no idea because I’m 28 years old and managed to bypass all experimenting ages and all I know is I think you’re really fucking gorgeous,” Jenna said in the same blunt tone that Maria used all the time. Maria’s eyebrows raised and she smiled pleasantly. “Your turn.”

Maria turned to face her entirely too and then hopped off the stool. Jenna could hear her heart in her ears as Maria stepped close. She held her breath.

“I was 22 when I realized whatever I felt for my dead best friend wasn’t platonic,” Maria admitted, “I know all about being confused and feeling too old to have first experiences.”

“Okay,” Jenna said, nodding as a small hand rested on her thigh and long nails gently tracing the seam of her jeans. Her whole body went tense and heat pooled in her stomach in a way that had never occurred with any man. Not even one has hot as Kyle.

“If you need someone to experiment with, I’m here. No judgment,” Maria said, sweet smile in place. Jenna swallowed and tried not to focus too hard on that smile.

“Yeah. I would appreciate that.”

“Now?” Maria asked, tilting her head curiously. Jenna nodded and almost cursed at herself for how embarrassing that must’ve looked. No judgment came from it.

Instead, a gentle hand pressed on her chin and a soft kiss was pressed to her lips. Jenna gasped involuntarily which earned a smile and then another kiss. She got kissed over and over, in all sorts of way and covered in all sorts of touches. There was something exhilarating about manicured nails scratching into her hair, soft skin and feminine curves under her palms, and the promise of lipstick stains whenever she was done. It made sense. For once, it made sense.

“How do you feel?” Maria asked.

Jenna sucked in a heavy breath.

“Like I can breathe.”

[polygamyff]

23. Part 7

Mean mugging Malik from where I sat, he just continues to have this big mouth every time “I really just want to hold her, god. Make more babies” my sister said “I said this to Robyn and she denied, she said she has had enough” Robyn nodded in agreement “oh no, you don’t want her pussy in peices Maurice” Leon said at the side of me “I’ll fix it for her, I can get Robyn the designer vagina, but I mean she doesn’t really need it. It’s amazing anyways” Shawn snorted laughing “you just don’t care do you?” Rubbing the top of my head laughing “I do care but I am missing it, but anyways. Why are you still here Nalah, ain’t you supposed to be somewhere” she is supposed to be with dad “uhh yeah but I find your house so nice” oh yes the house “shit, I need to get that done for you. Nobody has gone back in our bedroom since right?” I need to go back home and sort that out “it’s fine Maurice, I’ll just clean it when I get back” Shaking my head “no babe, I’m going to get you new things and carpet down. I just need to ring Al on this” Malik walked out of the room on the phone “is your parents now coming down?” I asked Robyn, they do usually come down “oh she text me. She said she is giving me some space. Spend time with the baby, once she knew she was in the room she said she will see us at the home” letting out an oh “Maurice, mom wants you on the phone. She said she has been trying to call you” I instantly knew, she called me once but I know dad would have said something to her. Staring at the phone Malik held out to me, looking up at him “take it” sighing out taking the phone from him, this is never any good.

Shaking my head as I placed the phone to my ear “mom” please don’t be it “I am crying here Maurice, I am crying my heart out. What is this I hear” I don’t know which part she is speaking on “what part mom? I guess you have spoken to dad?” My mom is actually crying, like ok shocked “all of it, I told him off for following you but he shut me down. He said I knew when I didn’t, he blames me saying I allowed you to do what you like when you came back home as a teenager like he blamed me for you becoming an addict. Now there is a grandchild in the world and your mother doesn’t know? Why?” My mom let out a sob, rubbing my face sighing out “because you know why, you know why mom. Don’t act like you don’t, how can I trust a woman that would say it to him but does it matter, he knows now. What do you want me to to do?” Getting up from the chair, walking towards the door “every little issue, every little mishap he comes to me. He hurts me because of you, I take it. You think I would tell him such a thing if you told me in private? I would do anything for you three kids, I know I am not the perfect mother, I am sorry I let you go. I am sorry I chose your father but I did love him, now I’m stuck with him” resting my back against the wall “what do you want me to say mom?” I can’t say anything to her to make her feel better “nothing, you all assumed I am a stupid mother that just went out on shopping trips. Ever wondered why your dad threw gifts at me, you would never know the battle I had to get you back home. All you three kids, anyways bye son” my mom disconnected the call, resting my head back against the wall. I was not expecting that type of phone call, not from my mother because she is mainly self centred. I don’t know how much I can give of myself, I am being yanked everywhere to please people.

Holding the phone out to Malik “we need to talk” the first thing Robyn said to me, I stopped in my tracks staring at her “I think I have been missing for a while” sighing out heavily “Leon, you want to eat at the house. Let these two talk?” Nalah said behind me “oh yes girl, are you cooking?” I am not sure if Robyn is angry with me or just displeased at me not saying to her “I am for once, I’ll bring you both something to eat. Come on Leon and Maurice I will be leaving for Texas today, dad is back home” I knew that, he’s there upsetting my mother. I just can’t explain the way she was, feelings. It’s weird, she just exposed herself to things she did for us, things I never thought of. I didn’t think that she was having issues, I mean she has dad and he is rich so why be sad but clearly I’m wrong. I am actually very upset to know my mom is sad “yeah, ok” I finally answered my sister “talk soon” Shawn patted my shoulder as he walked out, I swallowed hard looking down. I feel sad, I shouldn’t feel sad but I am sad.

The door closed behind me and then I knew it from that moment, Robyn will want to know everything “it doesn’t matter, he knows now? Knows what? I am getting bits and pieces of information, Malik saying about bodyguard and then he said about how funny it was you breaking Nalah’ phone, what happened? What the hell did I miss?” Rubbing my hands together, walking slowly towards Robyn’ bed. Peaking over the baby crib, seeing my daughter asleep and safe “so, my dad knows” I broke that news first “about you, the baby. He was actually stood right there” I pointed behind me “what!? When!?” Robyn shouted “first night, you was so tired. I was getting ready to go to sleep, you was asleep and the door opened. I thought it was Malik coming back but I turned around and my dad was there, looking at you. I froze for a second and then when he looked st you I snapped, I got him out of the room and right outside” I sighed out “Naomi” Robyn’ face dropped “no, you’re lying to me!” She pointed at me “on my daughter, I’m not. So I pinned my dad against the wall, I was so angry. He’s here, near you. I had to protect you, you was asleep. I had to make sure he was gone. Nurses all saw and I just was angry, I said to them how dare you let him come through. So we went outside, I wanted to know how, what, who and when. Looks like my dad has had me followed, knows everything, besides the fact my daughter will have it if he decides he wants me murdered and that you have things on your name. My dad that I continue to love, followed me. Well someone did” placing my hands on my hips pacing the room “I am in shock, he was in this room. And I didn’t know it, my baby! Did he see her?” Shaking my head “no” rubbing my face, I am just fed up.

I am feeling stresssed now “Maurice, stop pacing. Come, sit with me” Robyn said, turning around. Seeing Robyn shuffle on the bed a little and then patted it “come” she waved me over “I feel like I have dragged you in this mess of my family, I am so sorry. I will protect you from them. So much happened, then” sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Robyn’ legs, turning to her so I can see her face “with Naomi here, my dad bought her here to show her what she could have had. Her infertility ruined it, my heart fell. I don’t love her Robyn, I don’t but five years I was married to care, I created a care for her. I hated her for making me stay inthe web of lies but no woman deserves that. Because he can’t bully anyone else he did that to her” Robyn got all teary eyed “I don’t love her, don’t think that” I don’t want Robyn thinking I do “no, I am just sad. I didn’t think I would be sad for a woman that you was with but I am, wow. This the kind of thing you see in movies because in real life people are not that cruel” I swallowed hard “I know, then my dad was like I am going. He was hurt I didn’t tell him, now he’s not speaking to me because I don’t want him near any of you two. He hasn’t really called after that, he wanted Naomi to go with him. I stopped it, I held Naomi back. I pleaded with her to stop letting my dad rule her. I want her to be happy like I am, she said she felt like she rather just die and I said no. I will make sure my dad stays away but she went back to Texas and I don’t want that on my mind. To know she killed herself over this, so I got Malik to like call her. It’s just me, I felt bad. She’s someone’s daughter at the end of the day” Robyn nodded her head “and Maurice I am happy you did that, we have our own daughter. I am shocked, this really happened while I was asleep? Like seriously, but I understand Maurice. I am not insecure in this relationship, not now anyways. I mean I did feel a type of way when I saw you both together but I’m secure in that way” I was worried she would assume I am feeling my wife when I’m not “thank god because it’s really not like that Robyn” I sighed out “I just feel like I need to make you both safe, so that is why Malik mentioned bodyguard. I’m getting a bodyguard for you both. I want to know you both are safe, I don’t want you to say anything and saying no because it’s going to happen. I don’t think my dad will but there is plenty of other people that hate. So yeah, and then now my mom knows. The way she acted on the phone, crying to me. Telling me I don’t understand the things she has done for me. That I don’t care about what she has done, that I think she doesn’t care. I feel like my mom is trying to tell me my dad treats her bad and then buys her things to shut her up, she said she was in love. So that mean she isn’t?” Robyn could give me an insight “wow! Maurice this is a mess, you do know that right?” Nodding my head “I mean she isn’t wrong, I don’t know much about your mom but mom’ in general do protect their kids. My mom did it for me with all of this happened, it’s always behind the scenes though and I’m sure with our kids we will be doing the same, just we won’t expose it to them. It’s just the cycle of life, your mother may have been always fighting for you” Robyn ain’t wrong, she is right.

“Why are you pouting your lips at me?” Robyn said, I fell silent. Silently thinking, thinking about everything “what upsets you?” She asked, I shrugged “just shit is wrong. My mom is suffering and it’s like I didn’t know because it’s always been selfish mother because honestly. She does love money but she does love us I guess. My dad is thinking on his next move so do I, you don’t hate me do you?” Robyn shook her head “your life, your family is draining. I just don’t want our daughter exposed to the mess, and I mean that life. This is not what I want, not that I am ashamed but I don’t think it’s a life to live. You grew up that way, but Reign is no. I’m going to proctect her, I have accepted that she will be the heir but the other shit, I’m not doing it. As a mother I want to protect her Maurice and I don’t want her to be known, I can only do as much as I can but I do want her face not shown to the world. You know what I mean?” Robyn will never understand my life “I get it babe but it’s going to come out eventually but for now it stays between us, it’s a mess and I will deal with it. I promise ok? No harm will come to you” that is my priority now, my fiancé and my daughter and that is it.

I had to come out here for a smoke, I need it. I honestly feel like someone is always watching me so I’m always looking around, anyone that looks like they are looking too hard “can I borrow a light?” Slowly dragging my eyes to the side of me “sure” digging into my pockets, pulling my lighter out, at the same time my phone is ringing. Answering my phone and placing it between my shoulder and ear “hello” I said “thank you” the guy said and then walked off as he gave me back my lighter “don’t put the phone down on me” Ally said ever so quickly “just please, don’t speak. Hear me out, Maurice I care for you so much, I know and see how much you are in love, Deja told me that Tiffany is back in LA, they going through a divorce” Why is she telling me this “why are you telling me this?” I answered back “because you need to watch your back, that is all. I always told you that you need bodyguards, there is a lot of hate in the air. And ok, I am angry at things but I am not the type to hurt a baby like that. I just wish I could still be your assistant. I can still school it, you know it” there will be no other assistant besides her “I know that, it’s too far gone Ally. Lose my number” disconnecting the call, I am just so fed the fuck up about shit.

My smile grew seeing my babies, she is breastfeeding my daughter, I am so in love “you feel better?” Robyn asked me “happier now I see you both” leaning over looking down at Reign “I think it’s for the best, we keep Reign protected” moving back, sitting down on the chair “she will remain a secret and I won’t mention it at all, it’s for the best” I am not going to tell Robyn that Ally called and said such a thing. I just don’t trust the Kellen family at all, Tiffany is back n LA and getting a divorce I still somehow think it’s a lie or something is happening, why would Ally tell on her cousin, she don’t care for me that much “why the change of heart?” Robyn questioned, resting my head back on the chair staring ahead “just what you say, you’re right babe” I am not going to worry Robyn anymore, shit stay a secret about Ally calling me.

[finderskeepersff]

41.

Fixing the pillows on the bed and stepped back, I sighed out staring at the bed. I miss my son, I miss him so much even though he has been kicking off constantly I miss him, I wish he wasn’t like this but I am to blame, we are to blame for Cassius behaviour and I take the blame for it but I miss him so much. He told me he was going and he left with Kyle and Myles, only god can help him in this time of need. I hope god watches over him because my heart is in pieces, I am only at peace when I know where my kids are, I was at peace because I knew Cassius was with Sofia and now this, I am very sad within my heart. I have cleaned his room and I await for him to come back but I don’t know where he is, the boys wouldn’t say even when I asked they said it’s fine. My heart aches, Jordan and Josiah and Jasmine I love them but Cassius, he is my everything and I miss him and I failed him “he was looking for you?” looking away from the bed and at Carnell “oh yeah Bryce” blinking several times so the tears can leave, I don’t want to cry “you can’t keep making his bed Monique, he is a grown man and he’s a stupid man” Carnell is all heart “he is still my son Carnell and one day you will have to admit the fact you are to blame too” Carnell is just an ass and he never listens to what he has done “I made that boy a better person, he has money. What else does he want?” Bryce walked over to me and held my hand “now we both know that is a lie, do we not? He is damaged, you and I both know you took drugs and was a drunk. Just leave me alone, these are my kids! My babies! He is my son and I am hurting!” walking out of his room, only a mother would know.

I am so emotional and I don’t know why, my heart is heavy “mom, are you going to stop cleaning? You need to rest” Josiah said, he is the only boy I have left in this home and this hurts me so much “not until my kids are happy” I simply said “seriously? Mom this is stupid, you can’t do this to yourself. Jordan will be locked up forever and Cassius will come back, we all know Cassius is your baby and you love him but he wouldn’t want you sad” opening my arms up to Josiah and walking into him “I just want my kids happy, I failed” I sobbed out “you didn’t, things happen. I know it’s something that you didn’t think he would do again but he did. Mom don’t blame yourself, he will be fine. He always holds himself down” I didn’t want this for him, I thought Sofia would have held him down and keep him away but it didn’t work and now he is god knows where “don’t lie to me Josiah, all of you kids have not had a good time and that is on me” he is being too nice “that was dad’ fault, Cassius is more of a dad than my real dad. He held me down, he held us down and I hate that he does that but he does, I know Kyle and Myles will make sure he is good but he wanted to leave did he not? Cassius openly said he is going, he will be back. I want my brother back too” hugging Josiah tighter “and you made sure he had clean clothes with him to take, you’re a good mom” I smiled a little.

Josiah was being too kind to me but I decided to have a break and sit with Bryce, Bryce is a lot for me and I am so glad Carnell has seen it so he has taken over and helped me with this now, it took Carnell a while to start that “I am back my beautiful angels!!” Jasmine shouted, Bryce shot up from the floor and ran off, Jasmine has been away for three weeks, they all stayed an extra week “Cassius, I love you!” Jasmine shouted, getting up from the couch “can we be friends again, Cassius please don’t jump out on me, and look at you handsome boy” I sighed out seeing my daughter, she looks rejuvenated with that tan “is Cassius here mom?” walking over to my daughter “he isn’t” hugging her “oh ok, where is he? Is he in Atlanta? Because that is where Sofia is going to go?” I am glad she is back “erm no, I doubt it anyway” moving back from the hug “why, where has he gone?” I shrugged “I don’t know Jasmine, he woke me up, he hugged me and then said I will be back and left with Kyle. I called Kyle and he said he will be fine, but he’s been gone for two weeks now and I am hurting so much. What if he is doing bad I don’t know. I can’t call him, so he is not here and I don’t think he will be in Atlanta at all” Jasmine pouted out “I didn’t want to upset him, it was never that but I didn’t like him upsetting us all. I didn’t know he went. Sofia has gone to take Leyton back to his Auntie’ and then she will be going back to Atlanta, she sends her love. I had fun though” smiling at her, I am glad she had fun while I didn’t.

We couldn’t even spend all of that money, it was a hard thing to do so I put it in the bank and we caught a flight back. I am just not doing Greyhound again, the journey on that was awful so I refused but we are back after three weeks and I have enjoyed it so much. California was the best, I honestly love the place and I got to create many memories with my little brother with me. I just need to get back to Atlanta, drag these clothes I bought with me, get back to normal life. Jasmine said she will find out if Cassius is there or he is here so I am prepared, I need to know. I have no phone so she will ring Leyton’ phone and let me know, I feel very refreshed so I am happy. I just need to make sure this boy goes back to my auntie’, I need to make sure he is ok “Sofia, you have got fatter” Leyton said out of nowhere and instantly my hand met the back of his head “that is rude, don’t say that” Leyton put his hand on the back of his head as if he was in pain “ouch! I am just saying, like the baby got big” stupid boy “you will learn one day, you never call a lady fat” the Uber driver said “exactly, he will learn one day” Leyton is a whole dummy.

I have so much shit I need to drag with me “I don’t want to be here” Leyton said “I don’t care, you’re not coming Atlanta with me, I have my own issues. Knock on the door” pulling the suitcase a long with me, I have bought a lot of clothes for my baby I had to even pay a damn charge at the airport because of the weight “oh look at you, good to see you back Leyton and don’t worry. Grace is gone” my auntie hugged Leyton, she is so kind. I always wished she was my mother, I got the worst one “and Sofia, my baby. Look at you, you both look so happy” she hugged me “thank you, well I said to him I would take him to have a break away and then he needs to go back to school. So this is him, he will be good now. I am here for him whenever he needs” my auntie waved us in “don’t worry about him, he needs to just listen to me sometimes. I only care about him and let me get that, you just get in” I was struggling with my things actually, walking into the home.

Holding the Gucci bag out to my auntie “what is this for?” my auntie said in shock “for you, I want to thank you for looking after Leyton. This is not your problem and I want to thank you for this, it’s nothing bad auntie. It’s a gift, I have spoken to Leyton. I told him he needs to be a good, he needs to grow up. I am trusting him with me giving him money for things, I will give you money to look after him. He needs anything he asks me” my auntie looked at me in shock “oh no, Sofia you can’t do this. I can handle it please don’t do that” my auntie refused to take the bag “I will leave it here and I know Celine will take it but it’s a gift for doing this, I know Leyton wants to be with me but I have told him. School holidays and I will appreciate if you get him into school for me” Leyton is looking at me so sad “what do we say? Every time I see you, you get a new piece beard hair. I want to make sure you get the best, I can’t do that because I have my own thing and you get that right?” he nodded his head “I guess, but I want to make sure you’re good too” smiling at Leyton “I am ok” I worry about him and he worries about me.

“I do need to go, I have a flight to catch” my auntie is making me stay which I don’t want to do “Sofia, Jasmine is on the phone” Leyton ran to me, I really need to get a phone. Taking the phone from him “Sofia, hey!” Celine walked into her mom’ house “hey Celine, hi Jasmine” answering the call “I thought I would let you know Cassius is not here or Atlanta so you’re ok, you can come here if you would like?” furrowing my eyebrows “so where is he?” that is not good, I mean what is he doing “I don’t know but he is not here, my mom said he left and he will be back” letting out an oh “thank you for letting me know, speak soon” disconnecting the call “how was Cali? Was it good? Leyton looking dark as hell” Celine said, passing Leyton his phone back “it was great, it’s a whole different vibe. I loved the weather, celebrating Christmas there was different and also New Year, that was special. We had a little party in the Hollywood Hills, it was good” Celine cooed out “that is nice, can I speak to you. Outside that is” nodding my head “I am going now anyways, my Uber will be here soon” I wonder what she got to say.

Crossing my arms across my chest “wow, your bump has grown since” am I looking that big “do I look big?” I have to question this “oh no, just it’s coming along so much. I will cut the small talk” I was hoping she was “so I met Cassius, about two weeks ago in the club. I just want to say to you I am sorry if he harassed you because I didn’t know that he wasn’t meant to know you was there, I was shocked to see him here. I thought he went with you, I called that time because he made me do it. He blamed me saying that you was with other men and I wouldn’t admit to it, Sofia he was going to kill me and Kyle knocked him out to the ground to stop him. I am not sure if you are aware, I have seen Cassius like this. He would be in the house doing it, he is taking drugs and I don’t want you to be alone with him. He is not a nice guy at all, I can tell you this personally what I have seen but I just don’t want nothing like that to happen to you. I am trying to change my life and be good, I am trying” I took in a sharp breath, slightly shocked staring at Celine “how do you know he is taking?” I always said he was but I didn’t think he actually was “he was sat at the table with the stuff right there, he was wiping his nose and then he caught me looking. I don’t want you to try and be alone with him. I know what you have been through and I don’t want that for you” looking down “Cassius never came to me in California, he hasn’t been around for a while” looking up at her “I assumed he went missing, it’s been quiet. Just be careful” nodding my head, I am not sure what to think right now.

Home sweet home, I mean I can’t say about the sweet part at all because there is nothing sweet about being in this house on my own “thank you” I said to the Uber driver, I am so tired. I have done so much travelling, I have aches and pains and my head is pounding “no problem” he left me just staring at this home, this home is too big for me “great” I said to myself, looking behind me as the driver got back in his car to drive off. I feel stressed all over again, what makes me sad is that I feel as if I should have known. Why didn’t I know that he was like that, or even taking. When did he start, he works with drugs so of course he has it there. Let me just get in the house and relax, I need it. I don’t think pulling along suitcases helped my cause in regards to the aches and pains but I am getting on with it, what else can I do, cry about it.

Placing the bags down on the floor of the empty bedroom, this is supposed to be my son’ room but it’s empty and we have done nothing at all. I guess he has clothes but I am going to concentrate on the baby, I need to send Gio the idea and get it done. I have so much to do and I haven’t done anything, walking out of the bedroom. The girls left the home so clean, I am so proud of them but I don’t really like it here actually. It feels lonely and too big and it’s creepy but I can’t tell my friends that, I did call Mia and I was like I lost my phone and everything is ok. Walking towards my bedroom, the deep dread I am feeling right now, I do not want to see the room Cassius and I would spend most of our times together, on the other hand I am a little scared that Cassius can just come when he likes but I think if I see him I wouldn’t be scared of him, I think I am scared of what he is capable of without him realising, the Cassius I know he is a soft soul.

Did I think it would get easier, holding my heels in my hand staring at the walk in closet and at Cassius clothes “why” I said to myself, walking over to my side of where my clothes are and placing my heels anywhere there is space. I don’t think I have mourned the fact we split, I just went away and that was it. Playing with my hands as I walked around the middle aisle and seeing Cassius sneakers out of place a little, reaching over and fixing it. This home is not helping at all, it’s just not helping my heart right now. Let me get out of the closet because I can smell his aftershave and it’s just not right, closing the door behind me. Staring at the wall that has Cassius money hidden there, I wonder if he did come here at all. I have never attempted to open this, Cassius showed me once and it was to do with an app on the tablet in our room. I can’t be bothered to do it, I need to just rest.

Hearing the buzzer go off and I am not even going to lie, my heart skipped a beat hearing it. I am not expecting anyone at all, I am all the way upstairs too. Shuffling out of bed, this is just great. I need to check who is here, grabbing my robe as I made my way out of the bedroom. I need to be careful to not run down these steps so I took my time, the buzzer went off again. This person does not want to wait at all, tying the robe around me as I got to the bottom. Rushing towards the cameras, I will flip a switch if they press that buzzer again. Seeing the cameras and seeing it is Kyle, I sighed out and unlocked the gate. Turning around to open the door for him, I didn’t expect him to be here at all. Pulling open the door “it’s late” I said “I know, I was just like who is here. I saw the lights on” letting out an oh, opening the door wider for him to come in.

Kyle made himself comfy on the couch and I honestly just want to go back in bed “how are you? I was just driving by and I saw, just checking in” that was nice of him “you want a drink?” I asked “no, I am good. I will be gone soon” nodding my head “well I am ok thank you for asking, I guess you have heard” he smiled at me “heard?” he chuckled “I saw too, yeah I have heard. Did you spend all of that money?” he asked laughing which made me laugh “not really, it was hard to do. I just put the rest in the bank. I mean a lot of it has gone” Kyle nodded his head “that is fine, you know where I am if you need me or Amira, any of us” Kyle got up from the couch “where is he?” he hasn’t said a word “do you mean Cassius?” he looked at me, Kyle and I just stared at each other “he is ok, I don’t think he will harass you or come here. If you want I can always change the locks in the home but Cassius is not here, in terms of city so you good” Kyle walked off leaving me to question, where he is but I didn’t say anything but watch him leave “Kyle!” I spat “what’s up?” he turned to me “why is he missing? This is not normal” I don’t get it “and let my friend become a guy he isn’t, he asked for me to help and I am. He will be away for a while” Kyle walked off again, leaving me speechless.

[empmoniitor]

WHAT IS REMOTE WORK? WHY IS IT IMPORTANT FOR BUSINESS?

“It’s a drone nation where everything and everyone is remotely controlled.”

Remote work describes any type of work that doesn’t have to be performed in a traditional company office. Remote workers can do their jobs anywhere in the world. Instead of commuting to an office each day to work from a designated desk, remote employees can execute their projects and surpass their goals wherever they please.

People have the flexibility to design their days so that their professional and personal lives can be experienced to their fullest potential and coexist peacefully. There has been a cultural paradigm shift in what society deems to be an appropriate workplace – and remote work has capitalized off of that newfound freedom.

HOW DO PEOPLE WORK REMOTELY?

There are a variety of ways in which people can work remotely. That’s the beauty of remote work – people can choose to work in a way that makes the most sense for their lives. Others rely on coworking spaces to be the spots where they can get the job done.

Coworking spaces act as hubs of productivity, community, and technology, offering great network connectivity and opportunities to meet others who work in a multitude of industries. They can be utilized by people with full-time jobs, freelance careers, and even entrepreneurs who want to rent out an office space for themselves or their small staff.

You might even say that coworking spaces are a halfway point between a traditional office and a non-traditional workspace, giving you the comfort of working from home and combining it with the professional amenities and networking opportunities that you’d find in a corporate environment.

Whether remote employees choose to take advantage of a coworking space in their home city or obtain a membership with a coworking collective that has locations around the world, they reap the benefits of having location flexibility

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The global team works towards taking the legacy and also takes the company forward just by the click of their fingertips. Managing any kind of team can certainly have its challenges. But, when working in a remote team, sometimes those challenges seem to be amplified.

In EMP MONITOR you can view activities as they happen and manage them instantly. This can improve your company’s productivity, business, and overall operation with its various excellent functionalities.

Talking about the best four qualities under the control of a working remote system are: Monitor employees, observe employees, block inside threats and take the productivity graph to the next level.

BENEFITS OF REMOTE WORK:

Freedom & Flexibility:

Freedom & Flexibility is what employees need and this gives them the satisfaction that they would be able to work and handle their home life at the same time and this was only possible if they start working remotely.

No daily commute:

You don’t need to drive anywhere. If you have set up a home office, all you need to do is sit down and start to work.

Wear whatever you would like:

want to do that Zoom meeting in your night suit, as long as you are wearing a decent shirt nobody will be the wiser.

Location:

The benefit of working remotely for employees is that they can work from anywhere. People don’t have to be bound to a city that doesn’t correspond to their standards or preferences, which also helps avoid unnecessary traveling. If a spouse has to be based or allocated in a particular location, remote working allows partners to keep their job, or at least ease the transition period.

Working remotely means it doesn’t matter if you live at the top of a mountain or next to the sea. As long as you have a good internet connection you can work from any location in the world.

Going to work can be expensive but then using these remote services not only saves time but also saves the cost of employees and they can save a little more rather than spending over an endless list. Working remotely, particularly from home, can allow for creative thinking and greater productivity. Remote employees can make their workspace as bright or plain as they wish.

Communication:

When employees start working remotely, they sometimes find it strange. They’re not used to the silence and the absence of office chat. But this can also encourage better communication as people learn to talk to who they need to, when they need to, without wasting time. It can also promote colleagues to get to know each other through messenger apps and chats and find out how they can benefit each other. Communication grows with remote working as it prompts collaboration.

Rather than working together with a team, working alone brings in a lot of focus and also a lot more positivity. Remote work statistics from 2018 show that the majority of people feel there are fewer distractions when working out of the office. Co-workers are a big part of these distractions; 74% of respondents said they work remotely to get away from colleague interruptions. Productivity is essential to the growth of an organization.

According to Calvin Coolidge, “All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically, or mentally without effort and effort means work “

DISADVANTAGES OF REMOTE WORK:

Distractions:  

Whether it’s a crying baby, a talkative neighbor, or that guy at the co-working spot who takes all his calls on speakerphone. You are bound to face distractions that you might not face in the office. This can make for a less than ideal environment and distract you from getting work done

Burnout:

Remote workers can sometimes forget to block out time for themselves. Since we’re always connected it’s easy to work until the wee hours of the night – but it is not healthy!

Isolation:

Someone who draws their energy from being around other people

Communication issues:

without regular video calls that foster healthy, honest communication, teams can struggle with misunderstanding. Words via email can be taken out of context as well.

Mental health:

Much like medications advertised on television, remote work can have side effects of depression and anxiety. Loneliness and isolation are two major drawbacks often cited by remote workers. Feelings of isolation or loneliness can be made worse by a lack of strong support systems or social groups outside of work. When individuals feel acute isolation, there is a greater risk of developing depression.

WAYS TO STAY PRODUCTIVE WHILE WORKING REMOTELY:

Set boundaries:

Whether it’s with your kids, the UPS driver, or the overly-talkative grandma at the local cafe, you’ve got to set healthy boundaries. Remote working is still a new concept to most people, and they need to understand that when you’re working, you’re working.

Take breaks:

Working alone, it’s possible to dive into the rabbit hole and forget to eat or drink for hours. This isn’t good for you, and it isn’t good for your productivity. Taking regular, scheduled breaks will keep you sharp.

Change locations:

Some people find that their creativity peaks when they change locations. For example, you might work at home in the morning for a bit, then head to a co-working space or a library, and end up in a cafe in the afternoon. Try different locations and see what works best for you.

Track your time

Do you get easily distracted? There’s a whole bunch of time management apps available that will help you track your time and stay focused.

Disconnect for at least a few hours each day

Unless you’re a world leader, you don’t need to be constantly available. The world will keep turning if you go offline for a bit.

CHECK OUR LATEST POSTS:

Here is Why You Should Opt Macro-managing Over Micromanaging Empower Your Management With Employee Productivity Metrics

Working remotely in different areas brings in a lot of opportunities as working towards the development in the coming future. An amazing 99% of respondents said they were satisfied with their current remote work situation and would like to continue working remotely (at least in part) for the remainder of their careers According to the Buffer survey, 22% of respondents confess to having difficulty unplugging from work or establishing firm boundaries between work time and personal time.

The real question (which isn’t answered by the survey) is whether the home is actually the best location to work. Many might still answer “yes,” but for some, getting out of the house might actually be more productive and limit the sense of isolation that can affect remote workers. WFH is what you do when you usually work at an office space but due to current limitations or choices, you prefer to do the same WFH.

It is a common practice for companies around the world to provide their 9-5 employees to offer a work-from-home day or period when the situation calls for it. After the particular day or period is over the employee is expected to return to the usual work hours. So an employee who works from home is quite expected to be present at the onsite office space for the majority of his/her time. Working at home these days has been made quite so easy because of the various tools that are now available.

Perhaps the most indispensable tool is the Internet, which helps people connect instantly and cheaply with their clients, bosses, and other people involved. The home office, which usually consists of a computer and a phone, also makes working at home a breeze by providing the modern conveniences of technology. Other office devices that could greatly make working at home easier would include printers, scanners, webcams, and copiers, among other tools.

Originally Published On: EmpMonitor

[tak4hir0]

Is it time to expand Salesforce within your company? Then it’s also time to develop a performance testing method so you can be confident that your solution can scale to meet your user needs without unwanted side effects. This article is part one of a series on performance testing. In part one, we’ll address how to establish a strategy and have confidence in your ability to grow. Part two of the series will dive a bit deeper, and focus on the nuances of performance testing on the Salesforce Lightning Platform.   When you first started building your Salesforce implementation, probably anything that was deployed was peppy and responsive. Searches responded instantly. Page loads were less than two seconds. All the users could be fully engaged without any noticeable effect on the system.   Now you need to grow the system, whether that means user base, data volume, or transactions per second. Furthermore, you’re asked to confirm that your solution will perform at-scale. This article provides guidance on how to solve these challenges through performance testing. In this introduction to performance testing, we’ll define the testing process and explore the best practices for selecting metrics and taking measurements. Finally, we’ll look at how to build a strategy for sharing test results with stakeholders. Why do you need performance testing? To verify performance — but first clarify your issues with a series of questions. Is the increase large enough to be concerned about? Are you concerned about the general increase of users? Are there a specific set of user behaviors that might be an issue? Is the amount of data growing at a fast rate? Are transactions running too long or even timing out? Is there a feature that is being used beyond its capacity? Every business situation is unique. Increasing one system by 10,000 users might not cause the same issues as growing another system by the same amount. To understand the context, you need to identify your projected growth pattern. After you understand that pattern, you can evaluate whether it fits some of the common challenging growth patterns, such as: Changing by an order of magnitude or more Growing exponentially Rapidly or repeatedly doubling If the growth pattern is problematic, then you definitely need a way to determine if the system can meet future needs, preferably a methodical, repeatable approach that can complement your existing software delivery process. This approach is known as performance testing. What is performance testing? Performance testing is about establishing confidence by observing how a system performs while it’s being used, often in increasing amounts of utilization. Performance testing is a deep topic, but you can simplify it by viewing it from two perspectives: the process of performance testing and the technical aspects on how to test. Before you dive in, some expectations should be set. The Salesforce Platform is multitenant. That means that the underlying resources that power your Salesforce experience are shared by other customers. Intentionally overloading those resources to find their breaking point isn’t neighborly and is not allowed. Limits and allocations Developing performance tests is similar to Salesforce custom development in the sense that tests must operate within the same platform limits as customizations. Hardware and software are resources that are used to power businesses. These resources must be actively tended to in order to stay healthy. For example, it’s not healthy to run a CPU at high-utilization consistently. A resource that is overstressed might behave erratically or even crash. The Salesforce Platform works hard to ensure that resources don’t become overwhelmed. To prevent customizations from overloading the system, a governor manages resource use and capacity. If you exceed the capacity, then the governor enforces a limit. This might cause errors, or in some cases, throttling. Limits differ based on the resource type and access pattern. For more information, check out the Salesforce Developer Limits and Allocations Quick Reference document. Coordinate testing with Salesforce Performance tests can generate large amounts of traffic. The Salesforce infrastructure teams work hard to make sure that systems are reliable and available. Part of that is identifying malicious traffic and unapproved system behavior. To avoid having your tests flagged as malicious activity, give Salesforce a heads-up about your testing plans by filing a support ticket. To learn how or learn more about the conditions where this is required, check out the Salesforce Performance test FAQs. If you’re not sure whether your testing plan is substantial enough to apply here, work with your Salesforce account team. Don’t test in a production environment Because Salesforce is a multitenant platform, performance testing is not permitted in production environments. Use a full copy sandbox for testing. The testing process It’s tempting to simply automate a demanding test targeting Salesforce and then issue a judgment about scalability. Don’t do that. To avoid false conclusions, use a more methodical process.   Performance testing is similar to the software development lifecycle. You need to gather requirements before doing anything. After you have a clear, documented definition of what needs to be tested, then you can go about the business of selecting testing tools. The tools drive the test plan. Once the test plan is established, you can then start the fun part of writing tests. Before officially running tests, take the time to establish a test model. The model is the lens that you view the test results through. After running the tests and comparing the results to the model, then share the conclusions with stakeholders. Create a test plan Performance testing is a team sport. It requires communicating effectively across product owners, administrators, developers, and testing teams. The test plan is a tool to keep all participants and stakeholders on the same page. At a minimum, document and share the following: High-level view of the environment being tested Schedule of when the tests are performed List of individuals and their responsibilities in testing List of scenarios that are tested Testing success criteria How results are communicated Documenting all of the above sounds like a lot of work, but consider that it’s faster and easier to share a link to the test plan than to repeat yourself in multiple stakeholder meetings. Know what to measure Performance testing is about measuring, but what should you measure? The Salesforce Platform is built with web technologies and is accessible with the internet. Because of this, it’s tempting to use metrics that are common for testing general web apps, such as page response time or time to first byte. Salesforce isn’t a general web application though. You should use metrics that take into account the Salesforce architecture.   Measuring the Salesforce user experience When you measure user experience in Salesforce Lightning Apps and Lightning Communities, we recommend that you use Experienced Page Time (EPT). EPT is designed to take into account the underlying architecture of Salesforce Lightning pages. Lightning pages have multiple components on them. Each component has the ability to communicate with the Salesforce backend. Component chattiness can create a disconnect between a page when it is fully rendered and when it is actually usable. EPT measures when the page becomes usable. For details about how to view EPT in the browser with the Lightning Usage App and Event Monitoring, see the Measure Performance for Your Salesforce Org document.   Server-side metrics EPT is measured from the client’s perspective, but that’s only half of the story. Salesforce is hosted by a robust infrastructure. You can gain insight into how Salesforce is performing on the server side during a test run with Shield Event Monitoring. There are a large number of metrics that are enabled with event monitoring. It can be overwhelming when trying to decide where to start. As a best practice, consider starting with the following: Run Time (RUN_TIME): What was the total amount of time for the transaction? CPU Time (CPU_TIME): How much time is spent in the application tier? Database CPU Time (DB_CPU_TIME): How much time is spent in the database tier? Database Total Time (DB_TOTAL_TIME): How much time does it take to make a database call? The event types supported by event monitoring are stored in the EventLogFile standard object and their individual schemas are detailed in the object reference developer documentation. There are many event types for inspecting Salesforce behavior. The table below highlights some that are useful for performance testing. Apex Execution API Introspection User Experience – Apex Callout Event – Apex Execution Event – Apex Trigger Event – Continuation Callout Summary Event – Queued Execution Event – Time-Based Workflow Event – Apex REST API Event – Apex SOAP Event – API Event Type – REST API Event – Console Event – Lightning Performance Event – Wave Performance Event Stitching events together During a test run, you may need to associate multiple events together to get a full picture of what’s happening. You can relate events to each other by using the fields USER_ID, SESSION_KEY, LOGIN_KEY, and REQUEST_ID. As shown in the image below, these fields have different scopes. While USER_ID, SESSION_KEY, and LOGIN_KEY can be used to associate events performed by a specific user or during a specific web session, REQUEST_ID is used to associate events that are generated by a front-end request back to the Salesforce Platform.   Thinking in aggregate Performance test results are used to establish confidence and inform decisions. You want to make decisions based on good information. Measuring metrics on just a single page load provides anecdotal evidence at best. It’s a best practice to run tests many times and then form conclusions based on the aggregate values of the test runs. Use the following methods to collect measurements: Mean/Average: Add all of the measurements together and divide by the number of measurements. Median: The middle point of the measurements; half the numbers are above the median and half are below it. Percentiles: These are useful in gaining perspective. The 95th percentile—P95—is a way to say that 95% of the measurements were less than a specific value.   Think time Consider human behavior when designing tests. You can write tests that run as fast as the computers running them. However, this doesn’t provide an accurate picture of how Salesforce is used in real life. Computers don’t behave like people. People pause in between tasks. They take a minute to read. They take a breath or sip of coffee. They toggle between tabs. The time between user activities is referred to as think time. Simple tests can use a constant value (e.g. 100 ms) for think time. It’s more realistic to use a distribution of think time values. How you specify think time in tests is specific to the testing tools you select. Develop a test model The test model, which is sometimes referred to as a workload model, is what separates performance testing from ad hoc analysis. The better the model, the closer the test conclusions will be to reality. A test model is similar to a weather forecast or stock market projection. The model is not a 100% accurate representation of reality. Rather, it’s an educated approximation of how you believe you can simulate future system utilization patterns. Developing test models can be complex, so we won’t go into details here. As it’s an important step of the performance testing process, here’s a brief description. At a minimum, your test model should define: The measurements and methods for the tests The key scenarios to test The data sets required for testing The system’s access patterns and network paths The utilization distribution of the various scenarios (i.e., the search feature may be utilized at a much higher rate than order creation) The normal and peak system load required for each test scenario For more information about test models, check out Modeling the Real World for Load Testing Web Sites on the Software Development Magazine website and Performance Test Workload Modeling on the AgileLoad website. There are two methods of measuring systems that come up frequently in performance testing models: throughput and response time. These deserve an introduction. Throughput Systems are built to perform work for users. The number of units of work the system can process in an amount of time is called throughput. When measuring throughput, higher numbers are better. From a Salesforce perspective, examples of throughput are: The number of records like leads, orders, opportunities, or cases created per minute The number of searches completed per hour The number of product views on a community per day Response time Response time is the amount of time it takes for the system to process a request. You want systems to have the highest possible throughout with the lowest possible response time. Examples of response time in Salesforce are: The number of milliseconds to create an order The number of milliseconds to load the account record page For more information about throughput and response time, see the whitepaper Benchmarking Blunders and Things That Go Bump in the Night by Neil J. Gunther. Published on April 21, 2004. Establish baselines After you have a model for testing, it’s important to establish baseline measurements of how the system performs when idle. You need these measurements before doing performance testing so that you can compare the effects of your newest solutions against established norms. Some tips on measuring baselines: Run the baseline tests multiple times and at different points during the day and night Use the median value (50th percentile) of all the tests as the baseline value Run the baseline test with a single user or thread Ensure the system is not being used by other tests or users Publish a test results report After the test analysis is complete, you’ll want to save several test result documents that detail how tests were performed and the nuanced results. As useful as these are, most people don’t need to wade through the details. Rather, they need a high-level summary. The test results report is responsible for communicating the conclusions to all stakeholders. The main challenge with compiling the test result report is deciding what information is worth communicating. The report should be short and designed to enable decision making. Stakeholders need to understand what scenarios are worth more attention. The table below is an example of how a couple test result scenarios can be simplified and combined into a single report.     Some tips on creating a successful test result report: Show results as a trend over time Use consistent measures across all scenarios, and from report to report Have a separate glossary explaining metrics, key performance indicators, and measures Make old reports available Enable a subscription system, so readers are notified when new reports are published. An example might be a Salesforce Chatter group to organize testing activities; stakeholders can subscribe for updates, and it’s a great place to share test plans Conclusion You now have the foundational knowledge of performance testing. Use this knowledge to scale with confidence by incorporating the techniques included here to test, measure, and inform your optimizations. When you’re ready to continue the journey, check out part two of this series: Performance Testing on the Lightning Platform. About the authors Samuel Holloway is a Regional Success Architect Director at Salesforce. He focuses on custom development, enterprise architecture, and scaling solutions across the Salesforce clouds. When he’s not building solutions at Salesforce, he enjoys tinkering with computer graphics and game engines. You can see what he’s up to at GitHub @sholloway. Mahanthi Gangadhar is a Certified Technical Architect at Salesforce. He is focused on the B2B CRM space as a Salesforce Performance Architect. He has worked with some of the largest Salesforce enterprise customers in conjunction with the Frontier Scale Team to enable customers to scale way beyond normal expectations.

[bltngames]

Game Review: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (2017)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild might just be one of the best games Nintendo has ever made. Ever. Is that too hyperbolic? Should I reign it in a little?

So where does that put us? The Nintendo game I hold in the highest regard is Super Mario 64, which on top of just being a really good game, basically defined 3D character movement for the entire game industry. Everything from Uncharted to Grand Theft Auto and NieR Automata owes something to Super Mario 64 for establishing how to use an analog stick to control the action on screen. It was a revolution.

Breath of the Wild isn’t a revolution. This is a game cut from the same cloth as Skyrim or The Witcher 3 — an open-world fantasy game, with towns full of people and quest logs designed to distract. You’ve technically seen this game before, or at least parts of it, and on the surface it can be easy to brush it off as nothing more than a thinly veiled “me too” clone by way of The Legend of Zelda.

But here’s the deal: you’ve never played Nintendo’s version of this. Those other games I mentioned often prioritize production quality and narrative depth. A quest’s story in my examples is often more important than what you actually have to do in it, with the worst example being multiple quests in Skyrim that send you from one edge of the map miles away to the other edge just to kill a single enemy and then hike the entire distance back for your reward. Even on horseback, a quest like that would take hours of mind-numbing transit. The obvious (and likely intended) solution is to use the game’s fast travel system to teleport to the destination, complete the objective, and then teleport back, turning an all-day gameplay excursion into a something that takes less than 15 minutes. The problem is that this creates a disconnect where everything stops feeling real, because there’s no reaffirmation that these are places that exist. You come to view the world as nothing more than a piece of software that lets you materialize at your destination. There’s no sense of distance, no journey.

That’s simply not true with Breath of the Wild, which goes out of its way to make you feel like a part of the land of Hyrule. Not only does it feel like a real, lived-in space, it feels like one with thousands of years of tangible history. Ruins of what used to be litter the land, some more recent than others, but all purpose-built with a legacy of their own. The environment of Hyrule is as much a character here as anyone else, and its battle-scarred vistas tell a lonely, somber tale.

Zelda is one of Nintendo’s most narrative-rich franchises, which allows it to slip into Skyrim’s skin with ease. Just the same, Breath of the Wild is a game about journeys. It’s a game where you look over your shoulder and think: an hour ago, I was on top of that mountain. I have come so far, done so much, and seen so many things. Yes, it has fast travel and horse riding if you really need to get somewhere quickly. But why would you? Breath of the Wild is a game where there’s always something on the horizon calling out to you. Horses and fast travel might get you in the general vicinity of where you want to go, but never close enough. Eventually you have to take matters into your own hands (often literally) and venture forth by yourself to discover Hyrule’s mysteries, one cliff face at a time. Literally the entire point of this game is to meticulously sift through the world inch by inch, and it manages to feel like magic basically the entire time.

You also connect to this world in other ways. Breath of the Wild features surprisingly robust artificial intelligence and physics systems, and you’re given tools perfect for playing around in this space. Rather than acquire a stable of items from dungeons (as in past Zelda games), Breath of the Wild gives you five core abilities during its tutorial and then turns you loose on the world to use them as you please. Unlike, say, Ocarina of Time’s hookshot, which could only be used on specific hookshot targets, these five abilities are far more utilitarian in their approach. They allow you to interact with the environment in ways most open world games shy away from, like picking up physics objects or generating platforms over tricky terrain. In addition to helping you solve puzzles and navigate the world, many of these abilities have combat applications, leading to fun games of cat and mouse with Ganon’s minions.

In one particular example, I came upon a camp of pig-like Bokoblins that had set up inside the ruins of an old building. I had mostly cleared the place out, but there was still one lone Boko on patrol outside completely unaware of what had happened to the rest of the camp. From the door, he peered inside. Bokoblins don’t have great eyesight, so from the distance he was at, he didn’t really have a chance to identify me before I darted out of sight. He obviously knew he saw something suspicious, so he walked over, grabbed a club from the camp’s weapons pile outside, and then headed inside the ruins to investigate. By this point, I’d climbed on top of the ruins and was watching him from what would be the roof, if this building had one (it did not). He headed to the last place he saw me and sniffed around, hoping to figure out what he’d seen. By now his back was turned to me, so I jumped from my vantage point above him and came down on his head with my spear for a quick kill. This kind of emergent gameplay is a first for The Legend of Zelda, and it makes every combat encounter feel unique.

Perhaps Breath of the Wild’s greatest strength is its willingness to embrace this kind of emergent player expression. Nintendo could have very easily locked a lot of its puzzles and encounters down, discouraging all but the one “true” solution, but they didn’t. It brings to mind the elements that made a game like Minecraft so captivating; the only thing stopping you from getting somewhere or doing something is your own ingenuity. Nothing in the game ever has just one solution, and it fully embraces whatever ways you can find to bend its rules. Previous Zeldas were full of jigsaw puzzles that had to be assembled in the same way every single time. Breath of the Wild is more of an actual test of problem solving skills, and one where my answer might be different from your answer and neither one of us is wrong.

Of course, even the best games have their flaws, and Breath of the Wild is definitely not a perfect game. In particular is the game’s performance — I played on the Wii U, and there, Breath of the Wild suffers occasional choppy framerates and sometimes more significant stuttering. Knocking down a Moblin can sometimes make the whole game freeze for up to two full seconds. Zelda is undoubtedly simulating a lot of stuff behind the scenes, between physics, climate systems, fire propagation, and artificial intelligence, so it’s understandable when the game threatens to buckle under it’s own weight, but it’s still a problem worth talking about. My understanding is that the Switch version is also affected by many of these technical issues, but with less severity. But, even on the Wii U, I found them to be momentary annoyances and not anything to really cast the game in a negative light. For 75% of my time in Hyrule, the game performed just fine (and it’s worth mentioning that during the process of writing this review, Nintendo published a patch for Zelda that optimizes the game just a little bit more to reduce framerate drops).

The other elephant in the room deals the game’s systems, particularly in weapon durability and weather. If you use a given weapon too much, it will eventually shatter. Often, I’d leave a combat encounter with fewer or worse weapons than when I started, but once I learned not to get too attached to any given sword, shield or bow, it ceased to be an issue. Breath of the Wild is a game about making do with what you’ve got and building an ever-changing strategy around that. Enemies also scale in strength over time, providing you with a drip feed of slightly more powerful gear as you play. That being said, the game definitely could have benefited from ways to repair fragile weapons, because just about everything breaks after only a few minutes of use.

Weather, on the other hand, was probably the single biggest point of frustration for me in Breath of the Wild. You’re given an on-screen weather forecast, presumably so you can plan accordingly should something like rain come up, but sometimes it can be unpredictable as you move through the world and suddenly shift into a new biome with different weather patterns. In one particularly ridiculous scenario, I found myself stranded on a rocky alcove because if I climbed up even ten feet it would trigger a biome change and begin raining, making it too slick to continue upwards. The moment I’d drop off the cliff (or more likely slip off), the rain would suddenly vanish. Sometimes, it doesn’t make any logical sense at all, such as the time I had to light fires as part of a quest and it began raining just long enough (about six seconds) to snuff out my flames and make me start over. Nothing in the forecast called for rain, nothing on my HUD changed, it just started pouring rain and then instantly stopped. You very quickly learn to dread rainstorms, because there’s not a lot you can do about them except wait for the weather to clear.

Regardless, these problems barely register as a blip on the game’s radar. I know it can be easy to sometimes get frustrated with Nintendo’s output and design philosophies, specifically with regards to past Zelda games like Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword, but when this company pulls together and fires on all cylinders, the end result is something truly incredible to behold. Breath of the Wild is a tremendous game; even after finishing the game and putting in more than 140 hours, I wasn’t ready to leave Hyrule. I was still finding new discoveries. New places I hadn’t been to yet. No game that I can ever remember playing in the 30+ years since the NES has gotten its hooks into me this deep for this long. It may not be a revolution, but with Breath of the Wild, Nintendo has still run circles around the industry just the same. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to miss this game.

[luki-fanfic]

Bleach Fanfic: Daydream

So I’ve been meaning to work on my KHR fics, but this idea (which has been lying in my documents for months) decided it absolutely had to be written right now, so I smashed out enough for a first chapter.  Hopefully will be continued, but I’ve mostly got ideas rather than a plot right now.

Warnings for attempted suicide (sort of - character doesn’t think they’ll die when they do it, but still deserves the warning)

“It’s working!”

“It does appear to be neutralising the effects.  

Ichigo winced, trying to ignore the voices surrounding him.

After he’d collapsed from defeating Aizen, Ichigo had found himself floating in a hazy blackness.  The voices of Zangetsu and his hollow were gone, and he’d never realised just how empty it was without them.

It could have been minutes, it could have been years, but eventually Ichigo found the sea of nothing ebbing away, blurry noises turning into voices that sounded slightly familiar.

“If these results are right, he should wake up in the next hour.”

“Oh Ichigo, my baby boy…just wait a little bit longer.”

“Lady Shiba, I need you to wait outside while we administer the last dose. Your husband has been contacted and is on his way.”

Ichigo groaned, the darkness fading away and his senses returning with painful clarity.

Damn, Unohana must have him on some good stuff.  That second voice had sounded almost like his mother.

It took a ridiculously long time to open his eyes – it felt like they’d been welded shut – and when he finally did, the light from the room had him slamming them shut again.  The next time he tried, he managed to endure it, and tried to sit up.

He regretted it almost instantly. His arms collapsed under his own weight, crashing back onto the pillow.  

What was going on?  He’d expected to wake up in agony, but instead he just felt…weak.  His arms were more like noodles, and his chest was heaving just from that small act.

Just how long had he been asleep for his muscles to atrophy that badly?

“Good afternoon Ichigo.”

He jerked his head in the direction of the voice.  Unohana was watching over the bed, a pleased smile on her face.

“I must say it’s a great pleasure to see you awake,” she said.  “And I’m not the only one.”

“Unohana?” Ichigo croaked.  “What happened?  How long was I out for?”

His eyes widened at the sound of his voice.  Even with a dry throat, that was terrifyingly high.

“A very long time Ichigo” Unohana told him.  “But there’s someone here who has been waiting just as long to see you again.”

She moved towards the door, opening it and speaking to whoever was waiting outside.

“He’s awake, are you ready to see him?”

Ignoring the frailness, Ichigo forced himself into a sitting position, trying to see who Unohana was talking to. He assumed it would be Rukia or Renji – but those musings immediately fled his head when he finally got into position and actually got a good look at himself.

This is not his body.  At least…it hasn’t been for almost a decade.  He’s short, and his arms are soft and chubby, lacking any kind of muscle. This isn’t the body of a warrior. It’s not even the body of a teenager.

It’s the body of a child.

“Ichigo…oh Ichigo…”

He looks up, and freezes.

It’s his mother.  Wearing a kimono he’s never seen, but her face is exactly the same as it was that rainy night.

Her hands are covering her mouth, eyes brimming with unshed tears.  Before Ichigo can process what he’s seeing, she moves – arms wrapping around him and hugging him tightly.

“My baby boy!” she sobs.  “I’m so sorry.  I never should have left you alone – I swear, I’ll never let you out of my sight again!”

“I think that might be a bit of an over-reaction Lady Shiba” Unohana added, as his mother reluctantly pulled away. She smiled, eyes still wet as she brushed a hand through his hair, and paused when she took in the shocked look on Ichigo’s face.

“Ichigo, what’s wrong?” she asked, pulling away as Ichigo shook his head.

“No…”

His mother frowned.  “No?  No, you’re not okay, Ichigo what-”

“I said no!” Ichigo snapped, head shaking furiously.  “I don’t believe this!  I don’t believe any of this!  You’re not real!  I’m not falling for this Aizen!”

The illusion’s face fell, and her hands reached for him again.  

“Ichigo, what are you-“

“Don’t touch me!”

He slaps them away, and Unohana pulls the illusion back.

“Maybe it’s best if you gave him some space.  Come with me Lady Shiba.”

She was clearly reluctant, but the illusion of his mother let herself be guided out the room while Ichigo tried to push back the panic attack that was threatening to bubble to the surface.

Dammit, when had Aizen hit him?  How had he hit him?  His shikai was a frustrating nightmare, but Ichigo was pretty certain it wasn’t capable of this level of hypnosis.  

Unless…was this Aizen’s bankai? The ability to trap someone in a false world?  But then when had it started?  Aizen was down for the count when he blacked out, so it must have been during the fight.

In that case…

‘Zangetsu?  Old man, are you there?’

His heart sank when he failed to hear an answer.  So, sometime after Ichigo thought he’d cut Aizen down, but before Kisuke showed up.

Is he unconscious in the real world? Or are his allies just watching him in horror?  Was that illusion of his mother really someone else?

He has to get out of here.  Find somewhere isolated and fix whatever this is.

With a quick glance at the door, he yanks off the blanket and heads straight for the window.  Or at least he tries to – he’d forgotten his apparent shrinkage and misjudges the landing.  But even if he had, it would have been the least of his issues - his legs buckle and he crashes to the ground, not even attempting to support his weight, and he cracks his chin on the ground.

He curses and curls into the foetal position, hands clutching it tight.  Dammit, pain is apparently the one thing he can rely on right now.  There’s a big surprise.

Focus Kurosaki.  If it hurts, bite down and use the adrenaline to get the job done.  You’ve done it before, you can do it again.

It takes a ludicrous amount of effort, but he struggles to his feet and stumbles to the wooden slats.  They’re locked, but he’s still tall enough to tilt the lock if he stands on his tiptoes.   Once they’re pushed open, he’s hoisting himself over the windowsill, and crashes to the ground.  He doesn’t have time to catch his bearings – once he’s out, he’s half running, half crawling towards the exit.  By this point he knows the medical district like the back of his hand.

Or…he thought he did.  Some of these buildings aren’t where he remembered, and he collapses when he turns the final corner and sees a wall where there should be an exit.  Before he can even process that, an alarm starts blaring from the hospital, and Shinigami start emerging from buildings.

Ichigo throws himself down a street and through the first open door he can find.  It ends up being some kind of kitchen area, thankfully empty, and he slides down the wall in exhaustion.  This body is pathetically weak, and it’s becoming clear the ‘Shinigami’ will find him sooner rather than later.  And since he still doesn’t understand if this is all a dream or a fantasy pasted onto reality, he needs to figure out a plan fast.

Okay, if this is an illusion of Aizen’s, there’s no way to break it.   He might still be awake, which would explain why his memory of the division doesn’t match where he’s walking, and the fight with Aizen had put his body through the ringer, which could explain why his body just will not work, but it could also just be lucid dreaming – if Aizen had the power to overlap an entire world with his bankai, the soul society would have lost the war before it ever started. Every Shinigami in the Soul Society would have been his puppet – it makes far more sense that he’s unconscious and dreaming this whole thing while Aizen tries to get away.

He glances over at the kitchen drawers.

And if this is just a bankai-induced dream, maybe he can break it like one.

Outside, voices are starting to call out, and he crawls over, not wasting the time trying to stand.  The second drawer reveals exactly what he’s looking for, knives sharp enough to pierce bone.  He grabs the lightest one – the only handle that doesn’t have his hand shaking from the weight, and pulls back the sleeve of the medical outfit.

He makes to cut…but his hand hesitates at the sight of the skinny, pale flesh.

‘It’s not real’ Ichigo hisses to himself.  ‘It’s just a dream.  It can’t be real.’

Still, he has to close his eyes and look away before he can slice through the flesh.  At first it doesn’t hurt, and he wonders if he missed the arm entirely – and then his limb bursts in vicious, unimaginable pain.

His eyes snap back to the limb, widening at the sheer amount of blood that’s managed to pool out in the handful of seconds.  There’s a disconnect at the sight – he still refuses to believe that arm is connected to him, and the sight of a child’s arm drenched in blood is ripping his head apart.

Already he feels faint, and doubt starts to creep in.  Rationally he knows it’s his bodies way of trying to stay alive, but that voice gets quieter with every second that passes.

Shouldn’t this be enough?  Shouldn’t he wake up by now?  Does he have to go unconscious from blood loss first?  

Adrenaline somehow makes it through, mixing with the desperate instincts screaming NO to that last question, and he gasps as he reiatsu pushes through, bursting out and smashing into the opposite wall, completely out of control.  It’s pushing out, wild and reckless and refusing to be pulled back no matter what Ichigo tries, not that he has much will left at this point.

On the plus side, at least that means this must be a dream.  This wouldn’t be possible in the real world after the final Getsuga Tenshou, and there would be no point in adding it to the illusion, right?

He’s not got much time to ponder that though.  This burst of reiatsu would be attracting every Shinigami in the nearby radius, even if it’s starting to die down as Ichigo’s vision fades.  When he wakes up again, it should be broken.

It should be-

His eyes are starting to close, so he hears more than sees the door burst open.  All he can make out is a figure in black.

“ICHIGO!”

The figure lunges for him, and Ichigo just manages to register the man’s arms around him before everything goes dark.

---

When he wakes up, it’s to the medical ward again, and his arm really hurts.

He already knows what he’ll see, but he still lifts it out into view, face falling as he takes in the child’s limb wrapped in bandages.

It didn’t work.

“You should consider yourself lucky. Another minute and even Unohana would have struggled to save you.”

Ichigo snaps his head in the direction of the voice.

“Kisuke?”

The man smiled, tilting his hat both in greeting, and clearly to hide the fact that the expression didn’t reach his eyes. Ichigo frowns as he takes in scientist’s appearance - he was still wearing his signature hat, but his usual outfit was missing, replaced with a Shinigami uniform, a captain’s coat slung over it.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you recognised me, given the circumstances” he says.  “I was asked to come explain things to you, being one of the few that fully understands the situation.”

“Kisuke,” Ichigo repeats.  “What happened?  How long have I been unconscious?”

This is taking a very strange turn. First his mother, now…pre-Vizard Kisuke? What is this?

The…Captain? walked towards his bed, taking a seat next to him, features schooling into something far more serious.

“Ichigo, I’m afraid I have something quite serious to tell you” he said.  “What is the last thing you remember?”

He frowned.  “I’d just beaten Aizen” he replies.  “Then you showed up, there was kido, I was kind of out of it to be honest.  Why?”

Kisuke gave him a sad smile that frankly did nothing for his nerves.  He didn’t think he’d ever seen the shopkeeper look like this.

“Ichigo, you’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I assure you, it’s the truth” he said.  “Eight years ago, you were abducted from outside your home by Aizen Sousuke.  He wanted a spiritually powerful soul to try a new experimental process, and chose you – both due to convenience, and to strike a blow against your family.  You were induced into a type of medical coma – in which you lived in an illusionary world that would force your mind to evolve far beyond its natural abilities.  From the records I’ve read, you would have believed you were human, residing in the living world.”

“I am human” Ichigo snapped.  “I admit it’s a little bit…muddled, but I’m still human.”

Kisuke holds his hands up.  “No, you’re a soul, as is everyone in your family. Your mother, admittedly was human, and came here when she died, but you have never actually been there.  The world you lived in was fake.”

The Shinigami sighed.  “Evidently, it was very effective.  Your memories were completely wiped, and you’ve clearly accepted the illusion as reality, judging from how high your reiatsu levels grew while unconscious.  We only discovered you and Aizen’s treachery two years ago, and it took years to manufacture an antidote to bring you out.  Everything we did seemed to make things worse at first – your reiatsu kept spiking.  I was starting to think getting you out without mental damage was impossible, but-“

He spread his hands.  “Apparently I underestimated you.  We monitored your brainwaves to predict the weakest moment in the illusion, administered the antidote, and you did the rest.  When you’ve sufficiently recovered, I’d love to talk to you about your experience.”

Ichigo is pretty sure his mouth is wide open.  He literally cannot bring himself to care.

“…That is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard” he growls.  “And I’ve heard a lot of it!  Why the hell would I believe that?”

“You don’t have to believe it, but consider the facts” Kisuke argues.  “You are not currently human, or possessing the body you remember.  Yet, despite your impressive attempt to break the illusion you – understandably – believe yourself to be under, it failed completely. Unless you can explain that, you do have to admit the evidence does suggest that what I’m saying is true.”

Ichigo opened his mouth to argue, only to snap it shut when he couldn’t think of a reply.

No illusion could be so strong that it could alter memories, and he doesn’t remember Aizen going for his sword. And it’s hard to believe an illusion would still stay stable with the victim that close to death – if it was a dream, he should have woken up, if he was wandering around, Soul Society would be keeping him tied down and unconscious until they figured out how to break it.  

But if it wasn’t…

He choked back a gasp, heart beating frantically as he tried to wrap his head around the concept.  

A hand hesitantly touched his shoulder, and he jerked up to see Kisuke staring at him, clearly reluctant to be so close.

“Aizen has since been incarcerated” he explains.  “Neither he, nor his experiments can touch you again.  It has had an extreme effect on your reiatsu, but you’ll learn how to control that in time.  I am only sorry we were unable to catch Aizen Sousuke earlier.  I had my suspicions, but never acted upon them.  Many of my colleagues felt the same – if we’d spoken up sooner, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened.”

Ichigo looks away.

“I still don’t believe you” he says. Kisuke just shrugs.

“I probably wouldn’t believe me either” he says.  “But you’ll be under close observation after that last stunt, at least until you get a medical all clear.  It’ll take a while to flush all the toxins from your system, but once they do, your real memories should start to return.  I’m sure that will do more than any argument I can offer.”

---

Half an hour later, Ichigo finds himself picking at the stray threads on the blanket, doing everything possible not to look at the figure in the doorway.  Once Kisuke had left, he’d been at the mercy of Unohana, who had not taken to his attempted escape (literally and metaphorically) well.  But given his latest visitor, he sorely wished she’d come back for a round two.

“Ichigo?”

He swallows, shoulders tensing as his mother walks back into the room, far more hesitant than she had the previous time.  She pauses by the bed, shifting on her feet for a few moments before choosing to sit on a nearby chair.  A hand reaches over, only to stop when Ichigo freezes.  When he doesn’t speak up, she finishes the distance, taking his tiny hand in hers.

“There was a time I was afraid I’d never get to do this again” Masaki whispers, joy obvious in her face. Ichigo braces himself, and turns to face her.

It’s still like being hit by a truck. Her face, her smile – it hasn’t changed at all.

“I’m sorry, it just doesn’t feel real” Ichigo admits, hating that he has to say it, even to a possibly fictional version of his mother.  “You’re dead. I saw you die.  And I never saw the Soul Society until I was 16.”

“You turned 16 almost 20 years ago” His mother replied, a sad smile emerging from her face.  “Unohana and Kisuke say your memories should start coming back once the chemicals are fully flushed from your system.  Once we get you home, maybe things will start feeling familiar.  Your sisters will be coming tomorrow, they wanted to come today but we thought we should take it slow after you…reacted badly.”

Ichigo nods, grateful for the idea. He wouldn’t want his little sisters to see him like this, even if they weren’t real.

“However,” his mother began. “Your father has been waiting outside. Do you think you’re up for seeing him?”

Ichigo winced, images of Isshin blasting into the room and trying to punch him into the wall.  He really didn’t think he was up facing that.

His mother seemed to notice his discomfort, and squeezed his shoulder.

“I promise he won’t go overboard” she insists.  “He just wants to see you.  He’s the one that found you after…”

Ichigo winces.  Yeah, that wouldn’t have gone over well.  Looks like Isshin is still a Shinigami in this world too.

He sighs, and gives his mother a smile.

“Okay” he says.  “I guess I can handle Goat-Face for a few minutes.”

His mother blinked in confusion. “…Goat Face?”

“Wow, that’s a flattering nickname.”

They both looked up, and Ichigo frowned as he took in the man waiting in the doorframe, waving one hand slowly.  

He look frighteningly like him, only slightly taller and with pitch black hair.  He had a hopeful smile on his face, and from the grip he had on the frame, was holding himself back from leaping over to Ichigo.  The appearance shook a memory from his mind, of Rukia telling him about the former Vice-Captain of the Thirteenth.

“Are you…Shiba Kaien?”

The man paled, smile freezing on his face.  He swallowed heavily, before walking into the room, sitting next to Masaki.  Both of them looked miserable as Ichigo drew back, staring at him in confusion.

“You…aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

Kaien’s hands clenched.  

“Is that what happened to me in your dream?” he asked, and Ichigo nods.

“Yeah, by a hollow.  Happened decades before I was born.”

That seemed to confuse them even more.

“Decades before…Ichigo, don’t you know who this is?”

Ichigo frowned at his mother. “Shiba Kaien?” he repeated.

“To you” Masaki specified.  “What is he to you?”

“…My uncle?” Ichigo offered.

Kaien looked as if Ichigo had just stabbed him in the stomach, hands clenching in the sheets.  To Ichigo’s astonishment, Masaki grabbed one of them, tugging it loose and pulling it towards Ichigo.  Her other hand clasped Ichigo’s and brought it to the centre, creating a three-way hand hold.

“Sweetie…” she said.  “This is your father.”

Ichigo’s eyes widened.

“WHAT?”

[marialehernandezf]

Maytag Washer Repair Help, Neptune Washer Troubleshooting And How To Access

Appliance Repair - Exactly How To Find The Right Company

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Appliance Parts And Repair For Dryers

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[hetmusic]

A conversation with The Big Moon | HumanHuman

The Big Moon are a four-piece band hailing from London, made up of Juliette Jackson, Soph Nathan, Celia Archer and Fern Ford, who all love to make vibrant, energizing noise with their garage guitars, rock drums and a searing vocal lead. Since The Indie Curator discovered this promising quartet over a year ago, The Big Moon have released a breakthrough EP titled The Road and have more recently followed up with tracks “Something Beautiful” and hit single “Cupid”.

Breaking away from the group backstage at The Great Escape, the band’s frontwoman Juliette and I borrow Jagwar Ma’s dressing room for a chat about why she wanted to put a band together, the chemistry between the four Mooners and what their plans for the rest of the year are.

Can you introduce yourself, your role in the band and what you would be doing if you hadn’t followed the music path?

My name is Juliette. I sing and play guitar and honestly if I wasn’t in a band, I would probably be working in a pub because I don’t really have any proper qualifications. I might try to go to university or be waitress or something and probably be really miserable about it.

How did you get started in music?

I was just really desperate to do it. I kind of ran around looking for people to join a band with me and I started writing songs. If it was the old-fashioned way I would have put up a poster in a guitar shop, but I just put a post up on Facebook and asked my friends. I was like, “anyone know anyone who might want to be in a band? With me? If I write some songs?” None of my friends did [laughs], but they had friends who did! We’re all friends of friends.

That’s cool! When you all did meet, was there a eureka moment as the song suggests or was it more of a gradual realisation that you were going to make music together?

Well, there were lots of different people that I met to play music with, but then the four of us were finally together. At first it was just me and Fern, and then Soph joined, and when Celia came along it felt immediately like she was the last piece of the puzzle. I cried a little bit.

I was reading about your first session together and that it was really emotional.

Yeah, it was just really exciting! I’d written four songs or something in my bedroom and it was really exciting to hear them played really loud with other people, so yeah, I got a bit emotional.

“I’d written four songs or something in my bedroom and it was really exciting to hear them played really loud with other people, so yeah, I got a bit emotional.”— Juliette Jackson

Obviously, you started the band, but do you still take control over what it sounds like or is it more of a collaborative process now?

It’s a lot more collaborative now, although I still write the bones of the songs. Well, it varies, because sometimes I’m really specific and will write all the parts and be like, “you have to play the bassline like this!” More and more now I’m just like, “here’s a song, I’ve done words and I’ve got chords and we can make this into something,” which is really nice. It’s sort of as we’ve got to know each other better. Everything happened really quickly after we all met. We got together, rehearsed for like two weeks, we had about five songs, we did our first gig and then we recorded a demo. Once we uploaded that demo online everything went… [makes what I only can describe as a rocket noise.] We’ve only been together for like a year and a half.

It really did blow up very quickly.

Yeah, it was really surprising!

I really love your song “Cupid” with the awesome music video, that must have been pretty fun to make?

It was so much fun! It was terrifying, but really fun. We could only make a mess once and the beginning of the video is really clean and tidy, so the first chorus where the first paint bomb hits me and then loads of shit starts going crazy, we only had one chance to do that. None of knew what it feels like to get covered in paint and flour while playing instruments, so I was just thinking, “got to do it right, got to do it right!” My heart was beating and I was physically shaking, because I really didn’t want to get it wrong, so no matter what it felt like, I just had to keep playing! Louis [Bhose], the director, who was going to throw the first missile at me, he did it twice and he threw it and it was this big, tense moment and it just didn’t explode! [laughs] So it was like, “[gasp] False alarm. [gasp] False alarm again!” Then it finally worked. Yeah, it was so much fun.

That’s one thing that really comes across with your music, is that it’s fun, break free, let loose kind of music. Was that something you set out to do when you first wrote the songs?

I wanted to start a band because I knew it would be fun, but also partly because playing guitar is the only thing that I can really do, so I could either try really hard at that or carry on being a waitress forever. I wanted to have a gang of friends and go around causing havoc, like The Spice Girls. I just wanted to be like The Spice Girls basically. We had a proper Spice Girls moment yesterday actually. I was driving the van to Brighton and all the girls were sat in the back, then I saw someone we knew out of the window and I started beeping and we all rolled down the windows and started going “hey! hi! hi!” I so nearly crashed into someone! [laughs] It was like laughter and then shock as I swerved out of the way of another car. Yeah… it was funny, but also really bad.

You guys clearly have that really fun side, or what I’m going to start calling your Spice Girls side, but I would say one of your more serious songs is “The Road”, which to me sounds like a contemplation of life and possibly a break-up thrown in there. What is that track about?

“The Road” is like that feeling you have at the end of a party. I don’t know if you’ve ever found yourself at a party at like seven in the morning and everyone wants to carry on going and you feel like shit and you know that you’re not doing very good things to yourself. I just felt like I was in a really bad place and I was with someone and I realised that I had to stop seeing this person and I had to stop hanging out with these people because it was really, really bad for me. It was just that feeling at the end of a party where everything is really crap and you don’t why you’re still hanging around and why you’re with those people. I was just like “I’m not having fun anymore, I’m just not having fun.”

That sounds like a huge revelation. Is there anything else that inspires your music?

Everything really. I’ve been writing a lot of love songs lately because I’m very in love. I also like trying to shoehorn really mundane things into songs. I like the disconnection between what you show on the outside of yourself and what you’re thinking in your mind. You could be feeling extremely emotional, really sad or really happy about something, but at the same time you’re in a supermarket doing your weekly shop. There’s all this stuff bubbling underneath but everything around you is just boring and normal.

You’re all currently based in London, but in an era of increased online living, do you think it really matters where you’re based anymore?

I think if you live somewhere like London you have the benefit of there being loads of places to play music. If you’re from a really small town where there’s nowhere to play gigs, then you can’t really be in a band, unless you did it in your house or something. London is so… I hate it, I mean I love it and I hate it. It fucks you over everyday, it’s so expensive. Yeah, I think you’re right, anyone can record anything anywhere and if you’ve got a computer you can put your music online and everyone can hear it. When we put our first song online, everything exploded, and we’d only done three shows or something. I’m really not convinced that it was the shows that we played that led to people paying attention to the song online. I don’t know what caused that.

I guess it was all the online coverage, that seemed to happened almost instantly.

Yeah, like DIY. Bloggers and people sharing the music.

I was actually reading the interview that you did with DIY and you said that it felt like everyone jumped on the “female brand”. Do you find it annoying when people point out the fact that you’re a band made up of four women?

I don’t really find it annoying, because it’s true! It doesn’t really bother me. For me, being a woman in a band, I’ve never felt persecuted. I know we’re a minority, but personally it’s never felt weird. No one has ever being weird about it, maybe that’s because times have changed a lot and I know loads of girls in bands and it’s not unusual at all. I just don’t think it’s a thing anymore. A lot of people ask us the question “do you people treat you differently?”, but it’s always like “no!” I’m a middle-class, white girl in a band and I’m privileged enough to be able to play music for a living. Everything’s great, you know?

“For me, being a woman in a band, I’ve never felt persecuted. I know we’re a minority, but personally it’s never felt weird.”— Juliette Jackson

I was literally going to go on say, do you think anything needs to change in regards to how the music industry treats women? I guess you’re already saying that it’s come such a long way.

We’re still a minority, but I just think it’s not really a point anymore. If you don’t make a point of it, then it isn’t an issue and I think more and more women now play music.

I think it’s because of bands like yourself that get up there and do it and show that it can be done.

Yeah! We’re on the stage and we’re just playing. We are girls, but so what?! No big deal. It’s just not an issue.

You guys wrapped up your tour last month, how was that? Was there a particular standout show?

Yes, we had an amazing show in Hull. We’ve never played there before and it was pretty great! There were loads of boys ripping off their t-shirts and throwing them at us. They had a circle pit and crowd surfers, it was amazing. We also played the 100 Club in London, which is a legendary venue and there’s loads of pictures on the walls of bands like The Sex Pistols. We sold out 100 Club, which is ridiculous! That was a bit of a dream come true.

If you could share a stage with anyone who would it be?

Oh my god… I really want to say Jarvis Cocker, because if I could do a duet with someone, I would love to sing a song with him. Literally sharing a stage with him! Standing next to him, with a microphone each, starting into each other’s eyes and singing a song - I’d enjoy that. We’ve done loads of shows with bands that I love already, like The Maccabees and Ezra Fermin who is a total genius. A lot of the bands that I really love don’t really play anymore, like The Pixies and The White Stripes.

Do you have a favourite song to play live?

Erm… that changes all the time. At the moment, maybe “Cupid”, it’s really satisfying to play. “The Road” is also really good. I love playing “Sucker”, because we always do it last, so it’s like the home-straight and it’s really easy to sing, so I just enjoy it.

Last question and then I’ll let you go, what does the rest of the year have in store for The Big Moon?

This year we’re going to do more touring in the autumn. We’re going to do loads of festivals, bazillions of festivals, which is great because I love those! We’re going to record an album in summer, although we don’t know where or how, but we’re going to do it. That’s the thing that I’m most excited about is recording that, because we’ve only been together a year and a half, but that whole time we’ve been touring. It feels like other bands that started at the same time as us have already put out albums. It’s not a competition, obviously. We’ve been playing these songs for a while and I’m really eager to record them while they’re still fresh. If we keep touring, then what if we get bored of playing them? or we go to record them and we can’t inject any excitement into them? Yeah, we’re going to do it soon.

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interview-the-big-moon-juliette-jackson