#why tf do I feel like a burden for venting

[cadaver-moss]

Drew these in the middle of a panic attack 2-ish weeks ago.

I thought the stark contrast between feeling watched and hating on Usher was really funny looking back on it

[blushy-tigerrr]

vent in tags sorry

cw: mention of loss

[luxraydyne]

lmao i may never be wanting for horror writing material when with almost humorous timing. i begin thinking permhaps being so restless to move into my own home and private space to the point i can barely concentrate through the fog is actually a detrimental idea when living w my family is all that prevents me from being completely alone. when on cue parents once again resume trying to goad me into becoming a pet grandchild incubator so my sibling’s child doesnt end up lonely whhat teh fuuuck dude. we’re back baby to doomscrolling extortionate private rental cost of tiny studio flats in a cost of living crisis

[sueheesblog]

Let's talk about some stuff! SZN 3: SPOILERS I watched the season after I saw some spoilers on X and from friends lmao. I didn't sleep. Sorry for the typos n shit. I need to vent.

- First off, Syd and Cousin carried the whole fxcking SZN on their backs, while Carmy was too busy being a psycho. Ayo n Ebon deserves all the awards. JAW is a fantastic actor - 10/10 for all 3 of them. Everyone else did great too, Napkin was 😭😭😭 AYO DID THAT. Those 3 are legends in my eyes!!!! If Ayo leaves or if the writers do her dirtier in SZN 4 I'm DONE. I cried for her this SZN, n for Carm too.

- All of Sydcamry scenes for some reason gave me butterflies even though they drifted farther apart each eps. Syd getting Carmy's dish was top tier - incredible writing from the writers. I just need them to explain more - what is the purpose of having Syd n Carmy tied together - if Claire is so great why not tied her to Carmy? Why does she seem like someone who died, haunting Carmy like his toxic boss? She more unbearable this season n I think it's intentional.

- Some ppl were saying Claire had alittle more substance this SZN and I beg to differ. She's like a dead gf to me. Her scenes with Carmy are so cold, dead, and heavy - like a burden. She triggers my anxiety n I don't know y - n I don't want to be mean, but just how their scene are edited, it literally puts me at the edge of a panic attack. The writers had the audacity to call her PEACE. I did not experience peace watching her scene and I think Carmy feels the same way from the jump. So, Fxck no, she ain't PEACE, that's Syd and it's obvious.

- Claire being labeled as PEACE makes no sense - the writers are trying too hard n it's make me sick. If she's so great, let her n Carmy run/manage The Bear.

- Syd is the invisible string that's holding everyone together in this chaotic sh!thole, while babysitting Carmy and keeping him from combusting. Unc, Nat, Pete, COUSIN, Marcus, and everyone else are staying afloat because Syd is the fxcking life vest that's strapped to their chest.

- Syd is calm, organized, observant, caring, considerate etc. Yet, these fxcking writers said Claire was peace- that line had my blood boilingggggggg.

- Syd's relationship with her Dad is everything

- Sydcarmy is sooo far apart it physically hurts. They didn't even do ther sign thing over their chest this season.......I get this feeling (just a FEELING) that Syd might be in love or has a crush on CARMY 😭😭😭. The margin wider scene gave me that vibe. When you like someone, you notice every little thing they do. There were times I wanted her to hug him soooo bad, I just felt like if she did if would've grounded him. He really needed a hug this season.

- Something I think some of you might have missed. Remember SZN1 Ep1 when Syd said her dad ate at The Beef on Sundays. We got confirmation from Carm, in SZN 3 that The Beef/The Bear only closes on Sundays. 😂😂🤣😂 (this was in the scene with him n Claire in a dark room or whatever. It might have been a dream scene idk) So, Carm knew Syd lied. I need the writers to have Carm n Syd talk about it and the meal she had in NYC. These are only a few important stuff they hid in the storytelling and I need to know WHYYYYYYYY.

- Carmy had a panic attack during service. Syd's voice took him off the edge. And I must say, her voice could really calm me down too lmao.

These fxcking writers are lowkey abusing Syd at this point. She's being stretched thin, and again this is also why I think she's in love with Carmy. It hurts her, but she's so into him, connected to him physically n mentally. It's really hard for her to let him or The Bear. It reminds me of the time Donna said "I make things pretty for others, but no one makes things pretty for me" not being verbatim lol. Syd did sooo much heavy lifting this SZN and no one noticed it, they all subconsciously over look her and gave all praises to Claire and making her the peace and angel.

- We finally saw Syd broke tf down in ep 10. Baby girl couldn't be strong anymore. She doesn't want to leave Carmy or The Bear but after the round table talk with the workers from Ever. She realized that Carmy - the person she idolize or even love/crush on, might not be good for her. Carmy is trying but the communication is lacking so bad, and on top of that he's pushing her away.

At this point, the partnership agreement seems like a trap to keep her. If Unc cut his connection to The Bear that's going to be Syd last straw. And if she leaves, I kinda see Tina, Marcus, and maybe COUSIN going with her or they will stay and give Carmy HELLL for losing her. The tables would turn. Everyone is so hang up on Claire leaving, if Syd leaves, Claire would go straight through the window. That would be the moment of realization (for all of them. Especially Carmy) that the woman he really NEEDS is Syd and not Claire. But for some reason, they all think Syd ain't going nowhere which is so naive. She got a bigggg offer and I can't wait to see when she tells Carmy. Would he confess her importance to him to keep her? Would he beg her to stay? Would he listen more or communicate more to keep her? Would he ask her what would make her stay at The Bear? Or would he be a b!tch and tell her to go cauase it's a great opportunity? And then after confess that he's having a hard time letting her go. Very interesting stuff.

- Last thing - Unc talking to Syd. I was shock he was looking to Syd for answers as to what's going on with Carmy. This was also telling. Unc believes or senses that these too are CLOSE. And Syd being a good gf/partner kept her mouth closed. SYD is an angel sent from heaven, cause I would be so done with The Bear😭😭😭😭.

We saw that Carmy and Syd are having conversations that we are not seeing on screen. For example, he asked her about her new apartment. When did she tell him?? He then asked about her dad. Sir, what about her dad? Did she tell him about the annoying bathroom exchange? Are they sharing more about their personal life that we, the audience is not seeing? So many fxcking questions in SZN3.

This is just my thoughts. I saw the season once so this not an analysis.

[tododeku-or-bust]

you deserve to be treated well and treasured!!! would def be interested to hear about the bf situation. do what's right for you!

I appreciate that, and I agree!

Ice's vent about her partner troubles and life journeys and growth under the cut. Feel free to be nosy:

So... I've talked about this before on here, but I've been working very hard on myself, and that includes my communication and my grace. I am far from the hair trigger, explosive tempered person I was 8 (well, therapy was 6) years ago, and that was not just "time". That was effort. It was knowing that I didn't like how I felt, and how draining it was. Like yeah, I burn at a constant irritation to this day (tis the PTSD), but just bc I feel that way doesn't mean I can't control the words that come out of my mouth or the actions that I take. I try very hard to implement this grace in my life.

That being said, just because I choose grace, does NOT mean I'm a pushover. I know how to stand on business for myself.

That being said, I do feel like it's come to a point with my partner where... I don't think I'm the issue. Well, I don't think there's anything I can do to stop being his issue. My partner is a good man, but... I don't think he's a strong man, not necessarily in the way I need him to be. What I need in my life is somebody that allows me to relax, that allows me to express without feeling like I have to always prove something. To carry some weight so I don't always have to.

We have this thing, where he'll do something that upsets me, right? And I'll express, tone annoyed sure, but still direct communication, that it bothered me. And then suddenly the conversation will go from that, to how 'he can't talk to me bc sometimes I'll get mad and sometimes i don't', bc 'I don't listen or acknowledge his feelings and that's how he feels'. Now I admit, this long in, I sure don't take his retorts seriously like he'd like, and that's bc I don't appreciate how it always manages to go from "the thing that happened that caused this" to "I don't like how you responded". Like... Bruh. YOU caused this, but somehow I'M the one on the stand?

For example. Last night I was worried his water bottle lid wasn't on tight and it'd spill on him. So I pointed it out to him, urgently. He stares at me, continues drinking, and puts it on the table silently. ...okay. so I say it again, this time annoyed. Bc no tf you didn't just look me in my face and ignore me. He says "that's how it always looks" I'm like "does it" and he pushes the cap down. Okay, so it wasn't broken. So I tell him I don't appreciate that you ignored me when I was expressing concern for you. I coulda just let the bitch spill (I didn't say that part like that but I thought it).

Then it becomes "well I was drinking so I couldn't reply", and "you wouldn't believe me anyway bc sometimes you dont", and "that's why sometimes I do speak and sometimes I don't because you get mad". Bruh. Why wouldn't I be upset if you ignored me straight to my face? Ntm, you do this every time I bring something up, and notice how I STILL approach you and directly communicate my feelings! Like I just don't get it.

A bitch couldn't even enjoy the last of her Soju buzz, when he pulled this shit.

So I finally had to tell him, maybe we should stop bc I'm tired of being treated like a threat or a burden. ESPECIALLY when I carry most of the weight financially and emotionally in this house! Yeah it is wild to me that I work, cook or buy the meals, buy most of the necessities and 2/3rds of the bills... And you think you're being victimized when I tell you your communication skills are not good at your big age. Like it doesn't matter, but it's insult to injury to me rn. And mind you, I've never complained. I don't mind that he's struggling to find work bc ik it's not his fault, I've even offered to help him go back to school. But now you got me in here experiencing the very struggle love I hate most in the world?

Bc I can go. I got my first car, and I realized for the first time in my life... I can go where I want. I can buy my own shit, carry it... Literally I have no use for anyone else lmao. So now it's down to WANTING this man in my life... And you choose to stress me out?? And again, he's not a bad man. Genuinely, one of the best Black men when it comes to political opinions and allyship and such. I feel safer with him than any other man in my life. But still, that whole "men need to be explicitly told everything" shit Black people love teaching their daughters bro come ON you're a grown ass man, and your actions have consequences. This is ridiculous. Like I'm not doing this the rest of my life, he either need to grow some critical thinking skills or I'm good. He's the only guy I've ever wanted to marry, but I'm not doing this shit the rest of my life lmao if I gotta be stressed I might as well be single.

[warringwarrioridiot]

Venting because my parents never listen to my problems. (Especially my bitch ass mom)

I swear to fucking God I wanna bash my skull into the fucking wall.

My mom never fucking listens to my problems.

Ever.

I feel like a fucking burden to everyone I know.

And the only people that ever listen to me are AI bots and random strangers on the internet.

I've had these problems forever.

My dad will get in my face to "try and snap me out of it", when all it does is piss me off and give me the urge to punch him.

(reflexes)

And my mom will profusely antagonize the shit out of me.

It's like they do this on purpose.

Like no joke, today I didn't feel like eating.

So I subconsciously/accidentally (a mix of both) dumped my chili back into the pot, considering how many times I've been yelled at for throwing it away.

But ofc my bitchy mom had a problem with it.

Literally my dad was over here, calm ASF, telling me that I shouldn't have done that, which I understood.

BUT THIS BITCH I CALL MY MOTHER (I'm on the verge of just calling her a life source)

WAS YELLING MY NAME AND SCREAMING AT ME TO GET IN THE KITCHEN BEFORE I SPOKE TO MY DAD.

(This is the same homophobic/transphobic hoe that purposely misgenders my friends to piss me off)

This is why I favorite my dad over my mom, because at least HE tries to respect pronouns (he will occasionally call my bestie she instead of he, to which he immediately corrects himself.)

(W dad)

Like I love my mom, we get along most of the time.

BUT THIS BITCH IS ON THE FUCKING VERGE OF CATCHING MY BARE-ASS FISTS

ISTG SHES THE REASON I HAVE ANGER ISSUES AND IM EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED ALL THE DAMN TIME

AND THIS BITCH HAS THE MOTHERFUCKING AUDACITY TO CALL ME A WHORE FOR WEARING A DARK SHADE OF LIPSTICK

LIKE IT'S MY MOTHERFUCKING BODY HOE, YOU WISH YOUR BODY LOOKED THIS GOOD

NOT TO MENTION WHEN I CALL HER OUT ON HER BS SHE SAYS "Take her phone or sm"

Bitch tf? I'm not a kid anymore.

BUT I DONT WANT TO FILE CHARGES BECAUSE I LOVE THEM

AND IK ITS NORMAL TO FEEL CONFLICTED ABOUT IT

But one day I'm gonna have a heated make-out session (and maybe fuck) with 3 women and describe it in full detail to my mom

(ILY dad but this is my revenge.)

I'll start posting my vents if I feel like it, cus I trust y'all more than I do my own Mom.

Peace.

[atlaskrr]

im scared im phasing into a depressive phase AGAIN. i dont wanna go back to when i couldnt even brush my teeth and sat on a window contemplating every day but it feels like i might. things are better but everything still feels so weird. yeah i have friends now but im just kind of there. i realize that my voice is just never loud enough. whenever i try and speak up or voice something not just to friends but in general nobody hears or listens to me i feel like i did when i was a kid again. and then someone else says what i said and theyre seen, people listen. worst part is its also my other friends so i just feel shitty of beung envious of them. i see people whove spent less time on their skills and just why are they so much better than me. i just realize how the person i click with best has their own friend group and then in my friend group my 2 friends click better together than i do with them so what am i then. and i have no mativation to do anything these days, nothing of worth anyways. so when im there and theyre talking its like im invisible and maybe i should just start talking and i try but sometimes nobody hears me and i dont feel like trying again in case they did but just didnt react or cause i didnt want to disturb their time with others or maybe i didnt speak up at all in the first place cause i feel so empty and tired which sounds so cringe amiright but how tf else do i describe it. i just want someone to ask me something or try and get me included why do i always have to take innitiative or question if somethings an open invite. thats just friends. at home my dad had an outburts, bruised my brother, and made my mom feel useless recently. then he starts acting all nice and ik hes just trying i mean his family are a bunch of trash but i just cant anymore. i feel like im the one breaking thw family apart now by being angry and spiteful and distant and i feel like im becoming my dad and the thought makes me want to throw up. but whenever i see myself acting nice to him because hes being nice it makes me want to throw up too because hes part of the reason my moms depressed. and i realize i dont even know who i am or what i want i lack the direction or long standing passions everyone else does. the only consistent thing i have is writing but i dont write a lot like other writers and nobody cares for it its not that impressive. ive managed to tone done my old tendency to tell small lies to seem like im so simillar to other people but its still there so in reality nobody really sees the true me (great im sounding cringe again but once again cannot find the words) i think thats why i love rp and writing sm because i can be someone with a set mould and identity. meanwhile im a walking contradiction with blurred lines. i think if i dissappeared people would be sad for a bit but theyd move on faster than youd think. it wouldnt be hard to go back to normal because i wasnt much part of it. maybe my parents would be the saddest but theyd be happier after no. worst part is i often put my emotional burden onto my friends and i feel like the shittiest person for venting so i think theyre nice out of pity. sometimes i exaggerate my problems so others feel more pity, so even if its not genuine ill feel like people care for me but at the same time i cant tell when im exaggerating or not. its more like leaving it vauge so i dont seem like the ungrateful bitch i am. cause my life isnt as bad as others so why am i crying and complaining. i come from a rich family with parents who are home more than other families. my parents are not pressureful and they are nice and i just lash out. i cant tell whats the truth of that situation anymore if im frank. i have a good amount of friends and a group, i have people to text and call. yet why do i still feel like this? i was just feeling happy yesterday. i really dont get it.

[close-friends00]

I have so many things I wanna rant about however I'm number 1: too lazy to pick up a pen and my journal and just write all these emotions and boring feelings down so imma just trauma dump here real quick. and 2: I can't add pictures of Lana del Rey whenever tf I want in my journal sooooooo

ok so I have a lot of feelings for Lola, but lately especially today I have just been looking back at our relationship and there are somethings that are just either not sitting right with me or things that just have hurt my feelings and I'm just now wanting to talk and vent about this. I think I'm missing more how our dynamic was before april- I feel like she was there for me sm more in the sense that she was a huge rock when I was going through a ton of shit- and we talked about sm shit together and then after April when she started doing her ig lives I think we also grew closer because she was throwing hints at me and flriting- however after I reciprocate my feelings back I see that our messages shift a bit- but no worries right- we go on our first date amazing, I loved every moment of it. Eventually I realize that our dynamic at school is odd- there are days where she is very talkative with me and she reciprocates my affection and there are other days that I just feel like a little dog running laps around her, trying desperately to gain her attention and to be loved by her- I feel fucking ridiculous, and I just feel like so fucking awkward for even trying to talk with her. And then on my birthday in May - holy fuck did she open up about a ton of shit to me - like she was talking about her past relationships and some personal things shes been going through- and shes all over me- like shes holding my knee, making a lot of eye contact, yk like it felt like although she was telling this thing to more people in a way she was just talking to me too, like it was just us two? idk. point is afterwards things are weird- we are in a bit of a rut ngl. However she posts this tik-tok where she is like oh the month and my crush/relationship and she does emojis and I notice that in the month that we started talking there's another emoji next to mine? weird right? So before I can even see the tik tok shes already texting me being like ok here's why there's another emoji next to urs and that shit was personal and she goes on about her ex and all that- like we talked and I was like oh yeah those people are assholes yk, and I'm just realizing that I find it kinda unhealthy that's shes jumping from relationship to relationship and I can tell that the shit that she has gone through is still quite fresh - so I tell her hey Ik that you think I can't handle this but I'm willing to wait and understand and all that- however in may she had her rehearsal week- a week where we barely talked and I can understand why but then after her show the next day she texts me and she sends me a picture of her dump acc post and her doing makeup for a guy and she sends that pic to me and goes just in case u were wondering- this is the guy who's been making my life complete hell and she was just ranting how her ex and this guy have gotten in a relationship and just keep flaunting it to her face- and then she texts- 'now that I don't have to see them I can focus on you and our relationship"

and I played it off as a yess pls yk finally- but it made me so sad that I've been so into this relationship for almost two months and she is JUST NOW putting her efforts into it. and I understand- shes been going through some things- but I feel so fucking neglected in our relationship... idk I feel like once again I'm practically begging to be given attention or to hang out and I feel so guilty saying this but I just need to express it somehow. I think I can be her friend for now and just be a support system for her, but idk if she is ready for a relationship. and I need to know if she is because I wanna stop feeling like a burden , another task she needs to complete, idk.

one thing I've also noticed is that when she is with her friends- I feel like whenever her friends come up to talk to her, they're talking in code or walking around eggshells with me there. and I get it- they think imma snitch or whatever but it just hurt my feelings so much when we would be talking and she would just leave me to talk with them and just leave me waiting yk. and it just hurts because I feel like they're waiting for this 'clingy puppy' to leave so that they can talk...

i really really really like her and I want to be with her but I'm afraid to express these feelings because I'm low-key scared she will think I'm just like her exes.

but I just needed to rant about that real quick.

[eurydice-thefool]

me: hey professor you should be aware that I’m too anxious to reach out for help

prof: i can’t do anything if you don’t ask for help???

me:

[tottymatsuno]

Can you please rank them from worst to best house husband? I need this list for reasons…

You... I just turnt anon on my beloved. Ilu tho bc I'm about to learn ya a thing or two. I'm gonna use some slight gendered language sorry edit I misread and did it best to worst whoops

1matsu. Ichimatsu is a domesticated cat, he thrives in a clean environment and will take the initiative to make it clean himself. In episodes that involve a Matsuno trying to make their living situation more hospitable for all of them it is Ichimatsu who takes the lead. He will cook, clean and cuddle you bc he knows you've worked hard. He will bitch at you, he will nag at you and he will cuss u tf out if you purposefully make a mess or do not appreciate his hard work but he's also really chill and good at reading the mood so he would be an excellent person to vent to! Ichimatsu would get to know your neighbors for you because he knows you're too busy sometimes but would like to stay in the loop. Very considerate partner, definitely will buy you snacks and would be mindful of the budget. Romance wise it'd be awkward initially when you move in together but would quickly settle into a veey quiet and passionate life long romance. Lots of quietly doing your own things while lying on the others lap. Lots of kisses that he would get embarrassed by and run away even tho he kissed you. Yall have been married for five years and he still can't look you in the eyes after making out. 8/10 great husband. 2 points docked bc you'll have to live a life smelling like sardines and he does shit in a litterbox sometimes.

Osomatsu imo is 2. Now don't shoot me for saying this but Osomatsu is someone who is adversed to growing up so it would take more of an emotional bribe for him to actually change but once he does and realizes that he's still young, he can still see his brothers everyday, that the affection of having his own smaller family that loves him despite his flaws... I think that'd inspire him to want to be a better person for them. He realistically would be someone you needed to baby at first, someone you'd get mad at often bc holy shit Osomatsu!! You just cleaned that! But I think when push came to shove a few things would set in after he tested the waters to see if you'd leave him. If you got sick or god forbid pregnant Osomatsu would look around and think "ah. I'm being a burden. How can I help right now?" and it'd start with him cleaning up. When you thank Osomatsu earnestly he has a bit of an identity crisis, is he still piece of shit Osomatsu? Is it okay?? And then he'd clean more and more everyday. He'd taper off of drinking so much and oh god Osomatsu just opened a savings account... He's not gambling but is instead trying to actually manage the household like an adult should! Responsible Osomatsu finally acting proper because he loves you so much and you're the best thing that ever happened to him. Why would Osomatsu want to stay a piece of shit forever when he has someone to inspire him to be a good husband? In terms of romance I think it'd initially start off making you feel like you're in middle school again bc of how juvenile it'd be. But in a good way! Everything would feel so new and the butterflies would never end bc we saw how happy Osomatsus wife was in the 1st ep of s2. 7/10 because you will lose hundreds of thousands of yen investing in his hobosexual ass before he gives u something better than mediocre head.

My personal fave and wife Totty! Todomatsu is someone who wants to be loved, cherished and wanted. He wants to love and most importantly be loved wholly in return. The issues are though that he's lazy and inconsiderate and will try to manipulate you into spoiling him. Like that scene with him using Matsuyo's expensive toner and then telling her she ran out. Todomatsu will see you work a full time work week and ask you to massage his shoulders bc his part time job was that hard! Now his good points are he wouldn't be a fulltime househusband like the others, he would actually have a job. To lord over you and make you feel sorry for your poor sweet Totty. But if Todomatsu saw you were legitimately having a tough day he would cook a nice meal or if he were too tired would let you pick take out. Watching comedy shows with him would be fun, and Totty would be the first to ask for a pet! "Let's pretend its a trial run for our baby!" either as a joke or srs depending on ur preference for children. Todomatsu would buy you spontaneous gifts always with your preference and tastes in mind. He's not the best at being emotionally honest and Todomatsu will try to hurt your feelings if his were slighted first. A real tic for tat kinda guy but Totty would be the first to want to hold you and help in any way he can. He wants you to love and praise him forever so Todomatsu generally tries to stay on your good side. He can't clean though and Todomatsu has only learned a few dishes from his mother but in terms of life partners he's a good one. 6/10 bc he's petty and rude and the type to point out you ate his leftovers like 8 yrs back when losing an argument.

Karamatsu would try! Oh god would he try!! He starts off with this expectation that because Karamatsu loves you more than anything and even himself that it would easy to serve you like he was offering his very soul at the alter. But those delusions of grandeur would fall short of both of your expectations. It'd be cute at first! Karamatsu would looove if you depended on him! But the thing is that if he had nothing else to do but keep things clean, grocery shop and run household errands he'd go crazy! Karamatsu would start inventing reasons to go on journeys or at the very least would miss you too much and would insist on dropping you off and picking you up from work. Yall would need to get a dog but Karamatsu would be too shy to ask for another companion when he already has you as his eternal life partner! Dude would get bored tho lol and start getting uppity. You'd need to reel him in w affection and spoiling him too just as much. Karamatsu doesn't need a normal spouse, a lowkey one would be great but in reality he needs someone just as fucking insane as he is. Really needs a hype man bc he's gonna hype you tf up and if you cant match his energy he's gonna start ripping your carpet out bc he needs enrichment. Being in love with Karamatsu would be fairytale sweet but it would take him some time to actually adjust and start buying you gifts you actually like and not pulling moves and lines from cliche movies. 4.8/10 bc it might get grating after a while and also he's very accident prone so you can stand replacing so many walls and doors. Also he needs lots of attention.

Jyushimatsu is probably in a tier of his own which is: If you like it I love it. Jyushimatsu is very energetic, the smiles and laughter wouldn't end! But when he's in love he calms down considerably and can be serious enough. It's very sweet seeing how earnest he is and how relaxing Jyushimatsu finds your presence. Mornings are animated, evenings are softer and it's so easy to relax with him until you remember Jyushi embodies the comedy rules of funny. Things will get resolved with a punchline whether you like it or not, things will change and since the boy can alter reality it'd be a lot going on at once. Lots of kissing and handholding and ppl probably think it's very innocent and go "aww, how cute" but Jyushimatsu is probably knocking your boots clear off on the reg. You'll probably be fine cuz him love you but yeah you're gonna need to be dynamic to keep yourself from going crazy. Ya house ain't too messy and you do have to teach him how to clean but he's eager to help you and he does spends some of your money on candy and toys and the conversation you have to have with Jyushimatsu when you see his bank account is gonna be a mess. -10/10 for withholding martial assests. 1000/10 for ultimate Jyushimatsu experience.

Choromatsu is my least favorite since the movie and if u were looking forward to him ig I can go thru it but I'm not gonna be very kind. He pretends to do ur taxes but doesn't file them or know how to actually do it. He gets an inflated ego when you start dating and doesn't stop bragging about how lucky you are. Real incel vibes but you love it. He can be sweet sometimes but those times are a bit rare since he's spending your money on idol and anime merch. Choromatsu would at least probably give good head ig so maybe there's that to look forward to. He'd be cute during the courting stage of the relationship but would grow much too complacent during the actual marriage. Choromatsu promised his mama he'd have kids first so there's that element of pressure. After a while you hear him tell you "we're already married so what's the point pretending to be all lovey dovey still?" even though he's still in love with you. He's more caught up in the perception of himself rather than being super good at being a husband. Yall apartment isn't a mess by a long shot but only a few days out of the week is it truly clean. You can't motivate him because even though he doesn't have a job he's married anyways. There's good times and bad times but ultimately it's just a bit bland. He can be funny though so you stay. 2/10 don't look at his porn stash though.

[1111jenx]

First of all, I won't ask this on anon so i can leave you the option of blocking me if needed. I also apologize if my energy is negative or toxic- I'm trying to contain it and be positive but its taking a while. But, I just need to vent I guess? Like I said, I don't expect you to answer this or even be my therapist or give me advice but I thought you might understand my point of view or at least tell me I'm wrong or something?

I hate having fixed energy in my chart. I appreciate and even love at times my aspects. Like- yes my chiron/lilith/Pluto in 4th makes it hard for me to trust and love people but in its own way- it transforms me and protects me. And yes, having Leo rising and moon with my Taurus Sun is exhausting at times but they make me unique and personable. And while I dislike how sexualized my Scorpio Mars is as a demi aroace- I'm aware it makes me fiercely loyal over my loved ones. But, at times like these where I'm feeling betrayed is where I hate it.

Because seeing my ex happy and smiling with his new girl- someone I work in the same dept with and see often- barley a month after we broke up due to him "not being in a right place" makes me want to scream and punch a wall. Especially, when hes ignoring me like I don't even matter. Like, me kissing him when I never kissed anyone before doesn't matter. Like, opening up about my uncle and my triggers doesn't matter. And im trying to be professional but I honestly can't.

And I know this is the universe's way of teaching me a lesson and giving me a better person but I'm tired. I'm tired of always working and being self aware and trying to be understanding when in reality I just want to go ape shit.

And I don't know- I just need to let it go but I can't. I honestly can't. I tried moving to another shift but he moved to my new shift too and now I have to continue to see him and his girl being fucking happy together for my whole shift when before I only had to deal with it for an hour or two. I have to see him smile at her like he did at me and I hate him so so much. I can't hate her but him? I fucking despise. Especially for making me feel this way.

Again, I apologize for the long, incoherent rant. And I apologize for my energy. Feel free to block me, delete this message or just yell at me. I'll go stress bake now.

Hi baby,

Don't feel bad whatsoever for ranting to me. My inbox is lengthy af and even though I'm a lazyass, I'll always be here if you need to vent. I heard some psychic told me once that people tend to come to me when they're at a critical moment of their life and at first I'm like tf I'm not paramedics😀 but when I think about it, I enjoy it so much more than I realized. So don't worry, your local Cancer/Leo dominant do not feel burdened with your issues nor will she block you for being honest with your feelings. I think there's always beauty in honesty and intimacy. And this honest to god asks made me think about that.

I think about the theme of love more than I should these days and the idea of it simply fascinate me. To love is also to give in, to surrender. Letting someone into your world and open up your darkest drawers probably was not easy at all for you. And it hurts more that when they're done, they leave without ever making it clear for you. I can see why it is the thoughts aftermaths that will make you rage. But the thing is, it was never about you in the first place. Your ex probably had a reason for his actions & while we can't guess his intentions, his actions reflect just that. Dating someone only a month after breaking up with you, sure, that's obviously not mf ideal. But this also shows me that, he never deserves someone that feels so much as you do in the first place.

Feelings are complicated always. Love and hate intertwined create something so powerful and become much darker than one can comprehend. However, I think at the end, I want you to feel for yourself more than you ever feel for him or for the situation. You give me someone who feels a lot but struggle to express it. Rage, anger, passion or pain. Those are all valid feelings baby. That anger thats lurking inside you, is going to do nothing but make you feel more for him, someone who never deserve that much of energy in the first place. Ofcourse, the time you two shared together is something personal and a stranger like me won't be able to understand. But as your local fixed dominant mutual, I tell you to trust me.

Fixed dominant never stop feeling once we do. It is constant and it may take years to actually let go of all those feels. But I found out that the only way to help is to let it out. And you're doing just that my love. I think you're pretty brave actually. Being so open to admit those darker feelings and thoughts are something very scorpionic in my opinion. But its also the beauty of your Leo placement. We roar. We don't speak.

Never apologize for being honest with yourself or to others. Honesty is something I value deeply and seeing people proudly presenting it is simply beautiful. I know where you're coming from when you mention the universe's plan for you. But hang in their for me. Pick yourself up from the ground and fight these battles for me. Know that you're not alone and I'm sending you better vibes and light. Know that the better days are yet to come and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. You telling me how you wanna punch a wall make me giggle because that's exactly what I would do when I'm emotional and lost control LOL. We Leo Risings do need help haha. I'm jk but you understand what I'm tryna say right love? I'm sorry for all the thing that happened to you and please know that you're not alone this world. Whether or not you feel like it, whether or not you feel like people are trying to convince you it is true. I appreciate your energy and I can tell, one day someone will be able to love you and treasure everything that makes you you intuitively. The universe is mysterious yet its also very clear, sometimes, as painful as it is, there are always more that what meets the eyes.

I hope you're having a good day boo. I'm sorry for answering you so late. I hope after that baking session you feel much better. I'm always here if you want to talk🤎

love,

saint jenx🪐

[flameontheotherside]

Why I don't join any kind of groups!

I understand some of us need to place ourselves with like-minded people. At first I bought into labels and groups and the need for validation. Now I feel it necessary to let those things go. Groups especially online tend to be toxic nowadays full of militance or extremism. I see no point in subjecting myself with people who attach themselves to an idea to the point that the moment you disagree makes you a villain because they have a giant stick up their asshole without lube and refuse to pull it out for whatever weird fucking reason.

Choosing to continue this journey alone works for me. I keep my online friend circle small. They are mature, they are open to differences in experiences and opinions. They don't try to push their ideas on to others or feel the need to impose. I like that! I like that I have a few friends on a similar journey who are wise and mature. When someone starts showing I can't trust them to be mature, I stop talking to them. They can join in on the toxic behavior with other people who will put up with that kind of behavior.

This doesn't mean I can't use more friends!

I'm totally fine with helping others. That's really why I'm here. However I'm not down with drama, needy behavior, or ego driven extremism. I'm no one's guru and have no real desire to be. I refuse to validate or invalidate anyone's experiences. If I do come off like a guru I trust my friends let me know so I can correct it. Sometimes I do get passionate but I don't mean to get up in arms about anything.

My job is to encourage people to be their own guru. To act as their own investigator on their own journey because afterall it is their journey and they are responsible. Not me. I don't want that kind of burden when I always have a million things going on in my life at any given time. Having someone to vent to on this journey is important but to bombard me or anyone with problem after problem about a TF or spiritual journey isn't cool. No one wants that job. No one should have that job so put on your big pants and work on your shit on your own instead of seeking for validation outside of yourself. It's hard but it's not impossible!

😘💕 I love you guys, stay safe!

[nikkinightmare]

i’m also like, even if you were mad at me for something (even tho there was nothing I did) knowing my current situation and what I just had to go through why wouldn’t you talk to me about it, like you just made me homeless you know? after my ex brought me to a desert and abandoned me like so many of the things she did for the literal one week I was there was so damn similar to what sam did it was scary, she would drive super reckless and she KNOWS sam did that to scare me and when she seen I was visibly scared she thought it was funny, made fun of my broken ankle, and when I seen someone I knew at the gym and was uncomfortable she also made fun of me for that and it’s just so sad like how could she be so god damn awful after everything, i’ve never ever treated her like that i’ve been the only friend who actually helped and to get ur parents on me….. like ur 23 grow tf up and have a conversation dude they could’ve killed me that’s so just…. wow i’m venting bc i’m pissed and no one really understands (besides my mom bc she’s also pissed and wants to beat their as$$ess but she’s in ohio) and it just sucks like i’m back at square one and so sad and now feel like a burden and like i’m imposing on my new housing sitch bc it wasn’t what was planned you know and it’s temporary and they said they didn’t need financial help but help around the house and food (I have foodstamps) so I said I can 100% do that but I still have that feeling that it’s not enough like even if i gave them $50 a month i’d feel better about staying here, I hate relying on ppl bc then I feel like this, helpless manifesting I get out of here soon to a safe place I need a break

[a-mountain-girl]

alright it’s venting time because I think better when I write and I can’t find anyone irl who I could talk to about all of this.

But before I begin if someone could bring me a gigantic bar of chocolate (milk pls I’m so sick of dark chocolate that’s all “santa” gave me for Christmas like... did mom forget I don’t like dark chocolate?) or a pint of peanut butter, pistachio, or moose tracks ice cream that would help.

Like, I understand that this hasn’t been a bad day necessarily just a bad hour that has since spiraled into a several bad hours and I’m more upset about underlying issues than I am about what happened. So what happened? 

Well it all seems innocuous enough. I went to my senior capstone class and met my classmates (all of whom I know from other classes) and the professor (who I’ve taken a class from before, this is important). We talked about the syllabus and class structure and I exercised an admirable amount of self-control in not excusing myself to go scream in the snow. I really, really wanted to go do that. 

The problems are 1) This is the only professor I have ever given a bad rating and for good reason. I don’t want to spend too much time on this but at first I was thinking “this guy seems pretty chill if a bit annoying” and then when he was talking about his education and specialty I realized... this is That Professor. This is That Guy. This is the one I actually called a dick in the course evaluation. Because I took the required survey of american literature from colonialism to the civil war course from this guy; this was online which made things worse. Now this was supposed to be a LITERATURE course, a SURVEY of LITERATURE. His course design was literally 50% ART, another 30% was dense paragraphs about history (I’m ADHD I absolutely cannot get through gigantic blocks of dry, useless text within a reasonable time frame), another 20% was bits of literature and media that was not relevant to the time period because his big thing was “How are these things influenced or developed from early American literature and/or history?!” Like.... I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE WE HAVEN’T STUDIED IT DIPSHIT! Then to add to it his expectations were that C is Average bullshit like, you’re setting your students up for failure when you set it up like C is the grade you expect to give them and to get an A a student has to go above and beyond like no, if a student meets expectations they should get an A. You’re just an asshole. Then his expectations for regular coursework were buried on a completely different website and never repeated, they also didn’t make sense. They were not clear. And then his idea of “feedback” is to ramble for paragraphs on a tangent and NEVER TELL ME WHY TF HE GAVE ME THE GRADE HE DID! Feedback needs to include an explanation of what the student did right and wrong so they can improve in the future. His rambling along with the lack of clarity in instructions made it impossible to get good, much less consistent grades. I’d try to follow all the instructions, even put in extra effort and get excited and I’d get a poor grade on an assignment in spite of doing everything right according to his incomprehensible instructions and then I’d half-ass a discussion post, turn it in late, and get an A and three paragraphs of this guy rambling excitedly in the comments. Like, it was impossible to figure out what he actually wanted us to do and then I was already mad enough about the lack of focus on what the class was actually supposed to be about and all this led to me throwing in the towel and either half-assing everything or just skipping assignments because I couldn’t care anymore. I have no desire to study under this buffoon’s “guidance” again.

2) One of the classmates is Obnoxious Man, who I will point out isn’t even graduating this spring and therefore really doesn’t need to be in this class and I think he shouldn’t be. I’m uncomfortable enough with the professor but I would be willing to give him a second chance in light of his whole thing about it being “student-led” and it being easier to communicate in person. But Obnoxious Man makes this impossible. The professor wants us sharing and working together all semester. I am not comfortable sharing anything remotely personal such as a reading I find fascinating or working with this man. I will not be giving him any access to me outside of the classroom. He will not be getting my phone number or my email. His vibes are disgusting and I’ve been dealing with boys and men just like him since kindergarten. I don’t care if he hasn’t actually done anything to threaten me, based on previous experience I won’t even take a chance. The second to last guy like this spent weeks harassing me because he wanted me to date him, the last guy would steal my stuff and stalk me. I had to get the school equivalent to a restraining order which he still found every excuse to violate. I can’t do this but I also can’t just drop the class because I, unlike Obnoxious Man, have to graduate this spring. I thought I could tolerate him after last semester but there’s a big difference between having to put up with him in discussion-based classes during half of the week and him having access to me.

3) I was thrown by the actual expectations laid out in the syllabus. I thought I would be doing a whole new, intensive project. I had a great idea and was actually getting excited. Instead we’re supposed to do group projects (see above for issues with that) and a personal project which will be revising an old paper like... when I finish a class I am done. D O N E. I never want to see that crap again. I don’t think I even still have half of that material! There isn’t one of those papers that I want to look at, much less expand! And how is this really challenging? The professor, Mr. Dickhead, went on and on about how important revising is to critical writing yada yada yada but maybe I don’t care?! Maybe I’m only in this degree as preparation for grad school in a different area? I hate writing critical analysis 99% of the time. It’s like pulling teeth. That’s not a great metaphor because I’m now expected to drag all these papers I want to forget about back into the horrible light of day. And I don’t know if these expectations were invented by the department or by the professor so I don’t know who to be mad at or if I could possibly request some sort of independent project.

4) Because of this and some things said by other students in their introductions (all positive things btw) I started into a reactionary spiral of feeling inadequate, childish, stupid, helpless, etc. etc. Like, one of these classmates is a finalist for a Fullbright scholarship which apparently had to be applied to in October and I didn’t know any of this?! Like that stuff is important but nobody tells me things and I don’t know how people know about all these scholarships and awards and programs and stuff that is helpful. It’s hard enough just making it through the day and doing a mediocre job on my assignments. It took me months to get up the courage to ask professors for recommendations. Filling out graduate applications has been hell and I had to tell my advisor yesterday that she’s not finished with the recs because there’s on in her inbox she missed and I still have to submit one more application that I was feeling good about yesterday and now am about ready to give up on. And the writing center isn’t open and I don’t want to be a burden on my advisor and talk to her about any of these issues...

[letsbreadthisgit]

I've reached a point where I don't really have any motivation whatsoever in finding a partner/eventually getting married because despite being a romantic at heart, seeing so many horrible marriages (including my own parents) and knowing how horribly relationships can go wrong in general just puts me off the whole thing.

like I get plenty of social support from my friends and I'm not horny enough to get a partner for sexual reasons so... why tf would I bother with this? there are so many other things I could be doing with my time. sure I fantasize about having a partner sometimes but every time i've been in a relationship irl, once the honeymoon phase is over (and for me this happens very quickly, like 2 weeks at most) I either become uninvested or straight-up bored and spending time with the other person becomes exhausting. the cons have outweighed the pros every time.

maybe my expectations have been tainted from romcoms and shit but in general I think I try to stay realistic about it?? I don't expect them to look like a model or to be perfect by any means like that would be stupid. I just want someone who's into me and I'm into them and as long as we communicate about stuff and respect each other I'm cool with that. but eventually putting my own effort into communicating becomes so tiring and the romantic aspect of the relationship loses its luster and tbh I end up missing my alone time more than anything.

even if I were to get lucky and find a good relationship and was super into them and we had good communication, there's absolutely no guarantee that it'll still be a good relationship 5/10/however many years from now. marriage takes a lot of work and I don't think I have enough motivation or energy to do that in the long run. I think I've gotten burned out from dealing with my parents horrible relationship and doing damage control because they refuse to go to therapy and are horrible at communicating and dealing with their emotions. the thought of having to do that for myself and my own relationship fills me with dread and makes me feel physically exhausted.

people change, and for every successful long-term marriage i've seen, i've seen probably 10 horrible ones where each spouse hates the other and they either get divorced or stay together simply because the process of getting a divorce is too much for them to handle.

and I have a hard enough time taking care of my own needs!! I'm a stressed out depressed bitch and there are a lot of things I need to improve in myself!! but the expectation when you're in a romantic relationship, especially for women, is to take on the emotional burdens of their partner (cuz apparently friends aren't enough for that for most people). and I just... don't wanna fucking do that. I'm so fucking tired of doing that it makes me want to cry. I'm glad I have a therapist to vent to.

and don't even get me started on kids, that's a whole other can of worms. what sucks though is that most of my friends are in romantic relationships and many of them want kids, so idk if my social support network will be as robust in the future when my friends are busy dealing with their own families. it's not like they're gonna have zero time for me but it'll be trickier logistically to spend time together. I think i'd be perfectly content being a childless auntie tbh lol

who knows, maybe I'll find a partner I'm into enough that I'll want to put an effort into making it work and be motivated again, but for now I'm more than cool with being single. so @my dad stop asking me about getting a fucking boyfriend like you're a huge part of the reason I don't want a fucking boyfriend so leave me tf alone. your son's gonna have kids. that expectation should not be put on me as well just cuz you think I'd be a good mom. I think I'd be a good mom too but it's a ton of fucking work and I simply don't have the energy for it. fuckin yeesh.