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lilimonarch · 9 months

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Remember

Haikyuu One-Shot

I wrote this for an assignment

WC: 3958

“We can start from the beginning, can’t we?”

“I don’t think I have much of a choice. It’ll seem lazy if I don’t say it in order.”

“You don’t have to feel that way, I am here to listen. Just say it the way you remember.”

“That’s the funny thing, actually.”

Bokuto was 7 years old. His first day of school, and he wondered how children could be so mean. It’s been a horrid, absolutely terrible first day at a new school; Bokuto watching as the second graders around him had already settled into their cliques from the years prior. Everything was so foreign, at just seven years old. The streets he had walked with his dad to map out their new neighborhood were so strange compared to the home in Japan where he was from. It does not sit too well with Bokuto just yet. The car alarms which would go off in the middle of the night to the train station bells blaring every morning, it was different to say the least. One thing he did enjoy more was the ocean. The beach was only five minutes away! Bokuto bets all his friends from Japan would be jealous if they found out he could go to the beach whenever he wanted.

Unfortunately, the beach being close by seemed to be the only positive. With winter fast approaching, going to the beach and playing in the sand was out of the question. Bokuto could wish with all his might that his family had moved during the summer and not a few weeks after school had properly started, but these were the cards he was dealt.

Autumn was Bokuto's least favorite season, easily so. In summer, he could play outside with all his friends. They could run through the park and go down the slides as their cheeks flushed with the summer heat. In winter, he could play with his friends in the snow. They could build snowmen and make snow angels, coming inside to drink hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies. With springtime, the flowers would bloom, and Bokuto could help his mother prepare the garden (his mom absolutely adored her plants.) Autumn on the other hand, that’s when everything started to shrivel up and die.

“I never liked talking about death.”

“You can’t just ignore it either.”

“I miss her.”

“Me too, Bokuto. Me too.”

Bokuto adored the playground, but as he stood off to the side with his hand buried into the pockets of his jacket, he found no drive to swing on the monkey bars the way he used to. In the opposite corner of the field, near the trees, was another boy. Another boy also by himself, sitting and picking up acorns and putting them in a pile. The boy had a red jacket on, Bokuto liked red.

Bokuto, at the innocent age of seven years old, slowly crept towards the other boy. “Hey! What are you doing?” Bokuto grinned, the other boy turning with a start. “I’m Bokuto! What’s your name? Aren’t you cold with that jacket? What about gloves?” Bokuto was rapid-firing questions at the boy, noticeably smaller than himself.

“I’m collecting acorns,” the child replied, burying his hands into his own pocket. His hair was dark and ruffled, rosy cheeks from the cold. “My name is Akaashi Keiji. It’s nice to meet you, Bokuto.”

“Akashi? Your name is Akashi?”

“No, Akaashi. A-k-a-a-s-h-i. There's two A's in the middle.”

Akaashi. That’s a cool name, Bokuto thought. None of his friends from home were called Akaashi. It was new, and Bokuto liked new things. “Can I call you Akashi?” He also liked nicknames; he had cool nicknames for all his friends back home.

However, Akaashi did not seem like any of his friends from Japan.

“I didn’t see a kid named Akaashi in the yearbook.”

“He was just shy, I promise. He probably just never got his photo taken.”

“Don't,” Akaashi shrugged his shoulders as he went back to his acorn pile, Bokuto crouching down and sitting with Akaashi. The acorns were arranged in different sections by size and the pattern on their caps.

“Do you like acorns?” Bokuto asked. Akaashi nodded and Bokuto scooted closer, picking up an acorn and examining it closely. It was in a separate pile, almost two acorns combined. “Man, this one is cool!”

“I guess so,” for the first time in their interaction, Akaashi smiled. “Do you like collecting things?”

“I have a rock collection at home!” Bokuto was grinning simply thinking about his nightstand drawer full of rocks and a knapsack of pebbles by his bed, a dual use to defend himself if he ever had a hard night. “If you come over later, I can show you my rock collection!” Bokuto jumped up with excitement. Nobody ever got so excited to see rocks the way Akaashi did. “You should come over!”

“I didn’t know you had a rock collection. I would have tried to get that for you if I knew what I was looking for.”

“I think my dad threw it out. I didn’t find it.”

Twelve and in incredibly sunny Florida: temperatures way too hot and his father’s heart way too cold for his liking. At least he had a cell phone now; no need for extreme self-defense if he could call 911 all on his own. Bokuto hated the summer, and he hated Florida’s perpetual summertime state. At least during the other seasons, he was in school and away from home. He could hang out at the park in Rhode Island with his acorn friend, and they could watch the sunset together before sneaking back home.

His acorn friend, nothing but a memory now. Bokuto cried for days when he was dragged out of his home, no phone number for Akaashi as the only person who brought him joy the past five years was miles away.

“No phone? He was twelve and had no phone? Why didn’t you just ask for his parents?”

“I’m not too sure. He didn’t talk a lot about his family. Besides, my dad said we were leaving quickly.”

Miami was big, busy, and a huge contrast from his smaller city in Rhode Island. A tourist hotspot, but at least there was a beach. Bokuto used to love the beach, but he was not too sure now. It was late, July 19th, his mother’s birthday. Her grave was far long gone in Japan, but he hopes his aunt maintains it for them, brings her flowers and sings happy birthday. His father was out, and he hoped it would be a while before he returned. A good idea to walk along the beach, maybe meet some new friends.

“Bokuto,” a voice made him whip his head around in shock, Bokuto instinctively raising his fists but stopping at the sight. Leaning against the wall of the halls in the apartment complex, his signature red jacket, Akaashi.

“That’s impossible.”

“I know! That’s what I said when I saw him.”

Bokuto shook his head as he rushed over to the boy. “Akaashi? Oh my God, what are you doing here? How are you here?” He fell into his friend’s arms and sobbed for a few minutes, an emotional mess as Akaashi helped him back into the privacy of the apartment.

“Since when did you cry so much?” Akaashi commented, getting a laugh out of Bokuto. The good times were back, his safe haven was back. Bokuto could not even think of a good comeback on the spot, simply wiping his tears of pure joy.

“Since when were you so sassy?” Bokuto settled for that at his response, flopping down onto the couch. “Man, how are you even here? Are you going to my school too?” The complexities of the scenario did not seem possible, but Bokuto was never going to complain. “Aren’t you hot? It’s Florida, in the middle of summer. Take off that jacket, I swear you’ve had it forever.”

“I’m perfectly comfortable in my jacket, thank you,” Akaashi muttered before the two went into chaos, Bokuto trying his best to wrestle Akaashi out of the jacket himself. Bokuto pulled on the sleeves and tried to rip it off, failing as Akaashi pushed off the taller boy with ease. “Oh my God, you’re so dumb,” Akaashi chuckled, pulling the jacket close to him as he gently punched Bokuto for his jokes. A punch which was soft, he swears. Akaashi was not strong, and Bokuto was always the more athletic type, so why did he wince at such a soft touch?

“Man, I got a bruise there. Watch it,” Bokuto laughed, clutching his arm. It was soft, Bokuto knew that, but it hurt, nonetheless. “What?”

Akaashi sighed and went to the fridge. “Where do you even get a bruise that looks like that? You should ice it, and where even is your ice?” He shook his head, Bokuto eventually caving and getting up from his spot on the couch to find the icepack Akaashi recommended.

“Was it your disgrace of a father?”

“It was years ago, like I remember that. I think it was, not that it matters now.”

Bokuto dug in the freezer drawer, pulling out an icepack and placing it on his arm before getting back to the couch. “I don’t need to tell you where it came from, maybe I got in a fight,” he smirked, wincing as he sat down before turning on the television. “I was going to go out, but now you’re here.”

Akaashi rolled his eyes and sat beside Bokuto; a worried expression painted all over him. “The Bokuto I know would never get in a fight, and you only left Rhode Island a month ago.” Akaashi decided it was best to change the subject. “Say, did you make any friends yet?”

“Friends? You’re funny,” Bokuto smiled. “Not yet, I was thinking about the beach. There is going to be a beach volleyball tournament at the end of the summer, and I was thinking about trying it,” Bokuto's eyes had a certain glow as he started to talk about volleyball; they both knew that was his favorite sport. “We should compete together! We would make an awesome duo; we would win for sure!”

“Absolutely not,” Akaashi rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “I’m horrible at sports, and you are supposed to be making friends. Not sticking just with me,” there was almost a somber tone in the air. “You can’t rely on me forever, Bokuto.”

Bokuto seemed to know what Akaashi meant, at least subconsciously. “Yeah, I guess I should make more friends. Will you at least come to the tournament and watch?”

Akaashi nodded, and Bokuto could not be happier.

“That tournament sounds exciting, were you able to compete?”

“I wish, I was practicing late at night, and he found out and… Let’s just say, I was pretty out of commission for a bit. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

First week of being in a new school is incredibly hard, but at least the crutches made him pretty popular. It was just a few bruises and a twisted ankle, but right before the summer volleyball tournament too! Bokuto was very upset he could not compete, but he stayed home, and Akaashi came over all the time, so he supposed it was not too bad. “Akaashi, I’ll see you at lunch?” Bokuto waved Akaashi goodbye as he headed to his next class.

“Bokuto!” A girl ran up to him, startling him quite the bit. “Do you need help with your books? I only have Spanish right now, and it’ll be easier for you.” Bokuto thought she was cute, even if she was trying to get on his good side early before his popularity completely skyrocketed, he could still appreciate the comment.

Wait a minute, Akaashi has Spanish right now too! He told me that, yeah. “Oh, so you know Akaashi! He has Spanish right now too.”

The girl frowned, taking the books out of Bokuto's hands. “Who? You keep mentioning this guy, I have no idea who he is.”

Bokuto loved talking about Akaashi to people, Akaashi was so special to him. “He’s my best friend from when I lived in Rhode Island, but he’s here too. Don’t worry about it, he’s kind of shy. Always has this red jacket on, no idea how he doesn’t get hot in it.” He spent the rest of the walk talking about all the things they have done together, all their adventures. “Thank you for helping me out. I really appreciate it.”

“You remember her helping you with your stuff?”

“She was the first person who actually listened to me about Akaashi, it was sweet!”

Fifteen and in the beautiful hazy city of Chicago, Illinois. Bokuto was getting sick of all this moving, knowing his father was simply trying to run from restraining orders on the women he brought home. It all made him incredibly uncomfortable, but Bokuto had learned the best way to save up was to shut up. He had finally gotten his aunt’s number, and he was planning a way to get back to Japan with her. Smoke from cigarettes filled the house, and smoke from vapes were in the school bathrooms, but at least it was really easy to get out of the house in the city.

“At least they have good pizza here,” Akaashi smiled and took a bite out of the pizza he and Bokuto were sharing, the two of them sat on a bench in the park. “I think Rhode Island was still my favorite place out of the three.”

“That’s just cause it’s your childhood home, it’s bound to be your favorite,” Bokuto chuckled, finishing up the pizza. His favorite home was Japan, of course it was. Chicago was fine, Miami was okay, Rhode Island was good, but Japan was his home.

“Wait, what? How did he follow you to Chicago? Bokuto, kiddo, how did he do that?”

“He said his older brother was working at a college there, so he was staying with him so we could stay together.”

“Is your dad still smoking?” Akaashi asked, their muggy tone matching the attitude of their circumstances. “Do you think he’ll kick the bucket soon?”

“If it’s with lung cancer, he’s taking me down with those medical bills,” Bokuto rolled his eyes, picking up the now empty box and throwing it in a nearby trashcan. “He’s still smoking, but I think he’s trying to switch to something else. Maybe I’ll get lucky, and he’ll overdose quickly, it’ll get me back home faster.” Home: they both knew where that was. As the years went on, the light in Bokuto's eyes died, and the direness of the situation increased tenfold. “Maybe that’s why he moved here.”

“You still aren’t going to tell anyone?” Akaashi frowned, cleaning up after themselves as they headed back to Bokuto's apartment to do homework. High school was hard, dark, and scary. Well, it was when you were alone in a new city. At least Bokuto was not alone, he had his longtime best friend with him.

“And get CPS involved? You’re funny, man,” Bokuto sighed, and the walk was short as Bokuto shakily reached for his keys with his left hand. It was difficult, his right hand hurt, and he was not to use it for a bit so he could still be on his A-game at practice, but he managed to open the door and head to his room with Akaashi close behind him. “Besides, I got a plan. It’s not like I’m spending so much time at home; we have volleyball practice.”

“You have volleyball practice; I just come and watch them all,” Akaashi chuckled, closing the door and taking out his backpack to start work. It was so much harder than what Bokuto had to work on; Bokuto loved that Akaashi was so smart. “You have a game next weekend, right?”

“You bet I do,” Bokuto, once again, had that small glint of hope in his eyes as he talked about his favorite sport. “They are having me start too, I’m so excited. I think we’ll win for sure, but I have to pass this test if I plan on playing,” Bokuto took out his own geometry homework, working on it in relative silence.

The door creaked open, Bokuto shouted and defended himself well.

“Did he hurt you that time?”

“What? No, he was just drunk. I fought him off, it’s fine. He didn’t see Akaashi, so at least he was okay.”

The gym was filled with cheers as Bokuto landed an amazing spike into the opposing team’s court, the ball hitting the floor with a resounding bang. Bokuto jumped and cheered, playing the crowd like a performer. This was his calling; volleyball was the only thing that made him happy in this world. Well, other than Akaashi. Speaking of Akaashi, Bokuto looked around for his longtime best friend in the crowd who was nowhere to be found.

“Bokuto, get your head in the game,” his teammate and friend, Atsumu shouted over the crowds, all in good spirit. Atsumu was the complete opposite of Akaashi, loud and overconfident, but he enjoyed Atsumu’s company when Akaashi wasn’t around. Bokuto could feel a pit in his stomach as his eyes searched the back of the bleachers, knowing that’s where Akaashi would typically sit. “You okay, man? What’s up?”

Worst case scenarios ran through his head as Bokuto got down on one knee, eyes wide as he looked around the gym. His teammate, Sakusa, noticed and got a timeout called so their new star could calm down. “You’re okay, Bokuto. Do you need to switch out?” He asked, Bokuto shaking his head. Akaashi was probably fine, probably somewhere else in the crowd in his signature red jacket.

“I’m fine,” Bokuto forced a smile as he got back to his position on the court. “I was just looking for Akaashi again, he said he’d be here.”

His teammates exchanged awkward glances but returned to their positions and the game continued on.

“Bokuto, I’m sorry he couldn’t make it to your game. Was he just running late?”

“Bokuto, kiddo, can you hear me?”

They won, but Bokuto could not find the strength in him to celebrate. He was going to rush to the park where they said they would meet to go to their signature pizza place after the game. He waved to his teammates and ran as the rain started to pour. Running in the rain was a bad idea (his mother used to tell him he’d get sick for sure if he did) but there was no other option in Bokuto's mind.

The park was eerily empty for Bokuto's comfort, except for a single person in a red jacket sitting on a single bench in the park. “Akaashi!” Bokuto smiled and ran over to the bench. “Akaashi, you scared me. Why didn’t you come to the game? Did you get held up or something? It’s okay though, because we totally won and-”

Akaashi sat there mindlessly as Bokuto realized there was a pond of blood beneath the two of them, the crimson liquid flowing from Akaashi’s abdomen. “Akaashi? 'Kaashi, what happened?” Bokuto immediately took off the red jacket and tried to use it to tie it as a makeshift bandage, none of the blood coming on him. Akaashi never had his jacket off, and he sat there horrified as bruises covered Akaashi’s small arms. “Akaashi, speak to me! We’ll get you help, but you have to tell me what happened. What happened!?”

“It was you or me,” Akaashi mumbled, the same quiet boy he was when they collected acorns in elementary school. “I stopped by your apartment; your dad found me. He can’t hurt you anymore, okay?” His words spoken softly, the same shy boy in the mysterious Spanish class in Miami.

“He knew? Bokuto, I know it’s hard, but you have to tell me. How did Akaashi know?”

“What did he do to you?” Bokuto felt the tears rolling down as he sobbed and screamed. “Keiji, please. What did he do to you?”

“He’s gone, Bokuto. I fought him, I said I’d be there as long as I could.” Words spoken creepily in tune with a dying melody. Slowly, Akaashi got up, pooled blood falling in the motion. “I said you can’t rely on me forever.”

“I’ll kill him,” Bokuto muttered under his breath, a grieving rage in his heart. “But first, to the hospital. I’m going to run to get help, you stay right here!” Tears continued to pour as he ran around the park, an empty park with no one to find. Running from one end of the park to the other, only to find the bench completely empty. No Akaashi, no blood, no body.

“As if he never existed?”

As if he never existed.

Bokuto returned home and found his father with not a single wound, lifeless on the floor. He called 911, no remorse in his voice. He remembers sitting on the plane home, the words of his father’s death certificate forever repeating. “Cause of death: Overdose.” Overdose? What about the wounds? What about Akaashi’s death? Was it all in vain?

“Bokuto.”

Sixteen and finally in Japan, his home. Bokuto sat in the chair, pressing his hand against the dull edges of the kitchen table. His lips trembled as if any word he spoke would bring him to the tears he was so desperately trying to keep down, he stayed silent. “Kid, I don’t think Akaashi was a real person.”

“He’s real,” Bokuto sighed, eyeing the clock from when he would be free from this prison. “He was real to me.” His voice broke, and it never made sense. He insisted this acorn boy he had known since elementary school was his best friend, ready to bet his life to recount all the moments they spent together, but Bokuto sighed as he realized he didn’t have a single photo of him with Akaashi. “We went to school together forever. Even when I moved, so did…” the pieces started to fall into place. “So did he…”

“He never appeared in your elementary school yearbook when you lived in Rhode Island. He was never in any of the pictures when you were down in Miami. There is no record of him with you in Chicago on that volleyball team either. No ticket purchases, nothing. I know it makes you sad, but it’s the truth.”

“What if I didn’t want the truth?” It was an outburst, Bokuto shying away the second the words slipped out of his mouth. He did not want to make his aunt upset, but it was true. “Akaashi was there for me, and my best memories from when I was a kid was with him.”

“Those memories aren’t real, Bokuto.”

“Who are you to say my memories aren’t real? If Akaashi was all in my head, he was there for me when nobody else was. He saved me first, before you did.”

“Because you made him, kiddo. He’s a part of you.”

His aunt smiled, and Bokuto got up from the kitchen table to stand beside his new guardian. “You saved yourself, kiddo.” He fell into her arms; her hugs were just like his mothers. Bokuto swore his memories were real, even if the little boy he met all those years ago was not. He was safe now, with people who truly loved him.

Whenever Bokuto would tell the story, he treated it as real. To those who never thought further, Akaashi was real. Bokuto sure thought he was, and so did almost everyone who sat to listen.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#fanfiction #bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #bokuaka #kind of #angst #hurt/comfort #Lili's fanfiction

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dg-outlaw · 6 months

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X-Men '97: Episode 1 Thoughts: Do I Like Cyclops Now?

Minor spoilers for Episode 1

First off, is it just me and all the brain rot from the internet and things I've seen and read in my life, but did the voice actor read that line a little too bedroom-y? And yeah, I heard that line several times via Spotify ads, so it wasn't just a a one-time thing.

"Mr. Summers, save that energy for the after party in the Danger Room."

All jokes aside, I really did enjoy the first episode and outside of knowing I was watching something new, it felt like I was jumping right back into the series like no time had passed.

A few things I really liked:

As mentioned in a previous post, I wasn't a big fan of Cyclops growing up. To me, the clean cut, handsome, by-the-book boy scout was never appealing, but damn did they make him badass in this episode. From the way he used his optic blasts in the opening to move and dodge, to his Johnny Utah 'Point Break' style who needs a freakin' parachute scene toward the end (IYKYK), I have a new respect for Cyclops.

Storm getting some respect on her name and her abilities. While she got knocked out in the beginning I appreciated when the sentinel recognized her as an Omega-level mutant when she made her entrance during the final battle. That along with her lightning turning the desert sand into glass was just awesome. As a kid, Storm always seemed like a cool character, but in the show she'd often make a grand entrance and then get knocked out by a tree branch or something two seconds later. To quote Leslie Jones from everyone's favorite 'Ghostbusters' movie, "Okay, I don't know if it was a race thing or a lady thing, but I'm mad as hell."

I loved the teamwork at the end and how it also showed that each of them were badass. In the old series if more than one sentinel showed up they were screwed, but this time there were at least half a dozen or more and the X-Men just kicked ass--as they should.

In relation to #1 and #2, I hope we see more unique and comic-centric uses of the characters' powers rather than them being nerfed for plot reasons, though I'm still look at you Jean Grey. Every. Single. Time. She uses Cerebro. It's like watching someone go back to a toxic ex. "This time they won't hurt me. This time it'll be different." Girl... That or someone needs to run that software update Charles kept skipping. At least show Jean ordering pizza on Cerebro so that we know it works properly and mind freak outs are not the norm.

That said, I do hope this show evolves a bit as it did in the first episode. While my nostalgic brain loves the old-style animation, the returning voice actors, and other stuff, I would like to see the show grow beyond what it was. The dialogue is a little cheesy in some parts (again, like it was back in the day), and the character interactions are a bit clunky at times, but I would like to see the show slowly become something new-ish rather than just a strict adherence to what it was. Many great animated shows have come along since this series in the 90s and I would hate for the writers to feel bound by some time-capsule of nostalgia. I'm happy with a slow burn evolution, but I think for it to have success it will have to evolve beyond a purist fanfic of the original with just a few added cool factor scenes.

#x men 97 #x men the animated series

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prose-among-the-trees · 11 months

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I missed you when I was five

We would play together and you’d hand me your boy clothes and toys and I’d hand you my girl ones, and our parents would oversimplify it and tell people we were just two kids who wanted to share the world with each other, even if we didn’t belong in the things we received. We’d know though, in furtive glances at the other to make sure the clothes fit, to putting pretty bows in your hair and dresses on your body, to letting you adjust a necktie that’s far too big for both of us around my small neck. We’d know exactly why we gave what we did to each other, exactly the meaning behind it, and exactly what the future would hold. Our parents would joke that we would be destined for marriage, the sort of story all childhood friends get told, but we know will never really happen, especially if I liked boys and you liked girls, because I wasn’t a girl and you were never a boy. You’d tell me all about being in a grade higher than kindergarten, and I’d be so so jealous.

I missed you when I was eight

We would be at school together and a boy wouldn’t like the fact that I wanted to play all the boy games and not wear girl clothes, and I’d cry because he didn’t like me. I was too much of a boy for him. You’d sit with me and tell me jokes and help me tuck my hair into a baseball cap. You’d teach me how do undo it quickly before we went home. A girl would call you names and I’d naively try everything I could to ruin her life, a shallow definition of a life at eight, telling girls that she steals others lunches and that she likes a boy who the whole class thinks is mean. We’d stick up for each other. When my parents split up you’d be there for me through all of the turmoil. You’d convince your parents to let me come over and start sleeping over like I did when we were little so I wouldn’t have to hear or see the fighting. You’d be at the summer camp with me when I got picked up illegally and you’d be the first to call my guardian to let them know what had happened.

I missed you when I was twelve

I’d cry when I went over to your house about how awful middle school was. The teachers were unfair and the girls didn’t make sense and boys didn’t make sense either, and what if I liked girls too? I wanted girls to see me as a boy, and what did that even mean? I’d tell you about how my parents are on me about grades I can’t remember let alone keep up with, and how my grandma was dying. You’d explain that high school wasn’t much better, that teachers expected so much, and the cliques were almost as bad as how they’re shown in movies. You’d tell me how girls there were really pretty and how you wouldn’t be able to take all the art classes, but you’d teach me everything you were taught. You’ll reassure me that it’ll be okay and that even if we went to different schools, we’ll still be best friends.

I missed you when I was 14

You’d navigate me through where to sit, and where to avoid if you want to dodge senior couples making out during passing period. I’ll join the theatre program and make a few friends there, and one of them will absolutely adore you and put flowers in your hair and draw in sharpie on my chin for facial hair. We’ll both look at each other and understand what we knew at as young as five and seven years old. You’ll show me this new book series you found and how well you draw all of the characters. You’ll watch the plays and musicals I act in and I’ll come to every single art show you have. When parents continue to fail us, we’ll know we have each other. You and I will continue this corrupted little pastime of trying to act like the ‘wrong’ sex, never in front of family of course. We’ll sit in your room in the middle of the night and listen to the foxes, and I’ll silently put makeup on your nervous lips with my shaking hands as we make sure your mother won’t hear us.

I missed you when I was 17

I’d explain to you that things didn’t make sense in my head, that I didn’t know who or what I was at any given moment. You’d feel the same. We’d mourn one of my guardians moving away so I’d have to live with the other full time. You’d take me on long drives at night to avoid them, and you’d plan out the life we’d live together, best friends, fighting the world. You’d confide in me the feelings of hopelessness and I’d have us make an agreement to stay alive at least as long as the other person did. I’d scream and kick and fight and sob at every corner of my senior year, and you’d hold me and tell me you believed me, and that the lies I’d been told about myself were just that. You’d plan for both of us to get help for the problems with our heads and we’d spend nights laughing at the absurdity of it all after crying our eyes out about it just ten minutes prior.

I miss you now

Speaking with you nightly, knowing that we understand each other better than any person on earth. We collectively know each other inside and out. We never lived together, never laughed together before I turned 18, and yet, I miss the childhood I never got with you. I miss sleepovers and exploring in nature, I miss stargazing and taking you to restaurants you could eat at. I miss us both cursing about our parents behind their backs and laughing at how sneaky we were. I miss the child you never got to see in me, and I miss the life we never shared until it was 18 years too late for me, and 20 for you.

#my thoughts

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foster-the-world · 2 years

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Dangerous

Baby boy is loving Halloween nowadays. He talks about monsters, ghosts and pumpkins nonstop. I got him a bunch of Halloween kid books from the library. We watched the Berenstein Bears Halloween episode.

He now walks up to every Mom at the Mygym saying "I watch scary movie. It's dangerous." I'm glad its my husband with him. He can explain that the Berenstein Bears is the scary movie. We don't actually let him watch the Blair Witch project :)

At Disneyland after we got off Mr Toad's Wild Ride he said "That's dangerous." Such a funny kid.

We had picked out a great 3K program for him. 12 minute walk - which is long for us but very much doable. Sad to leave daycare but excited to get him in a DOE program - where he can be better evaluated. Then our girls Elementary school announced they are starting a 3K program. It's in theory great news. We love the school. All three kids in the same school is every parents dream. The administrators/teachers know us and we trust them to get him resources if they are needed. It's one minute walk away. The 4K program is especially good. He will def go there when he's 4. But their 3K program is most likely only until 2pm and nothing during the summer. They are still figuring out if they will have after school - which we would have to pay for. After school care is relatively cheap but not free. Daycare would pick him up for after school if we asked.

The other program is free from 8:30am until 5:45pm as long as both parents are working. Plus, runs during the summer. Now we have to decide. Applications due this week. As a "child in the welfare system" (the applications words not ours) he gets first dibs. Although I don't think either program is difficult to get in. We put them both down and will figure it out later. I preferred when the decision was made. Either way he'll stay at daycare this summer. He could move to the program 12 minutes away but we are traveling a lot this summer. I'd rather have him somewhere he knows during that time period.

In good news he hasn't bitten anyone since the original incident. It's been over a month. Fingers crossed it remains a one off thing. Meanwhile, another 2.5 yo scratched his face. The teacher called to tell us about it. I think they were embarrassed there was two incidents in a month. Seems normal to me. 2 year olds are a wild bunch. They said the teacher was sitting right there but the girl did it out of nowhere. The poor Mom was horrified. We obviously didn't care. How could we complain when baby boy left a big bit mark on someone just a few weeks ago.

Baby boy kept talking about it.

Baby boy: "Little girls name scratch me. She hurt me. She is bad."

Me: "She did something bad but she's not bad. Just a mistake. Remember when you bit X."

Baby boy: "OOOOHHHH, yeah. That bad."

The tone of his voice was so funny. And maybe the lesson of not hurting others will sink in a little more.

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twistednuns · 4 months

Text

May 2024

Spending the first day of the month completely alone. At home. Working on little projects. Labeling all the boxes in the basement. Hanging art. Building a wooden frame for my new kitchen shelves. Tiling my bookcase.

Guessing correctly why I suddenly got a tummy ache. Doing exactly the right thing to make it go away (coffee and meds on an empty stomach are never a good idea).

Mentally apologizing to my body for only really moving it once a week during yoga class.

Recreating my grandma's potato goulash. Eating it with sour cream.

Buying a stool on sale that might or might not look like a little sheep.

Strawberry milkshake on a stressful day. It literally cooled me down.

Getting to know the lady who lives in the cool and airy apartment across the street.

Caught in the act: a little birdy landing on my sheepskin, ripping out a big fur ball for its nest.

Prioritizing alone time. Saying no to social obligations.

Long naps. Sleeping with the windows open, a nasal dilutor and mouth tape. Such a difference. Sometimes I even put a teeth whitening strip in and I want to start experimenting with self-hypnosis tracks.

Unearthing one of my old favourites: Dallmayr Ginger Ginseng green tea.

Sorting out my jewellery just to find a few pieces I really wanted to wear again!

Going to Gregor von Raffay's (Kathi's dad) vernissage. Falling in love with his painting Am Meeresgrund. Having a good time with Chili, Kathi and their kids Luis and Maya.

Rolling down the car windows. Singing along loudly to Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow. My summer jam 2024. Also, I was surprised when I saw what a detailed Wikipedia article this song has.

Coconut porridge and fresh peaches (what a divine smell) for breakfast. Eating outside on the balcony.

Self-massage and gua sha with Aesop Breathless oil - a subtle blood orange smell.

The sudden urge to listen to Unison again. And again. Masterpiece.

Making a playlist of podcast episodes that left an impression.

Watching movies from the late 80s/90s/early 00s I haven't seen yet. I need more feel-good cinema in my life.

Singing at church with my choir. Emotional... such dense energy in there, every time.

Buying spices, bread and Greek antipasti at the market. I wonder why it's so rare for me to go shopping there. I always enjoy it tremendously. But it's probably because I've always thought that it's too expensive. I might have to put market days in my calendar! Hope that helps.

The golden chain tree has started to bloom in yellow cascades in our garden!

A spontaneous decision to join some friends at the drag flea market at Pathos. Exactly the right kind of people I needed that day. Julia, Daniel, Patricia and Katharina. I bought two wigs and a sassy Queen of Hearts costume. Then we sat outside an Italian restaurant until it got cold. Quite entertaining and the right amount of socializing.

My first time in a Float tank.

Finding Isabel Allende's Eva Luna in a box of free books after the thunderstorm.

Making banana ice-cream as a midnight snack.

An improv theatre workshop. So many good ideas and such fun! I even got a day off for it! (and one of the participants who noticed that I was having a tough time and offered me her yoghurt; we really vibed in the word association exercise, too)

Not an exclusively good thing because it came with a lot of fear, an activated abandonment wound and some emotional damage (I spent my lunch break locked in the handicapped toilet trying to calm down my tense body, not knowing how to properly release my emotions, crying big teardrops on the tile floor): three tough but cathartic conversations with C. Deciding that we would stay together. And that lovely moment in the morning when I felt my affection for him coming back.

Sneaking into yoga class. Listening to my body. So glad I went.

Being a member of the little team that is going to suggest new outfits for our gospel choir. Using Miranda Priestley as our group icon. / Also: everyone's joy when Beate got a phone call from Sarah telling her that her son was born a few hours before!

Baffled parents asking me how I manage their kids - and I'm the only teacher who can. Apparently I'm doing something right.

Single use changing mats. Best idea ever. So liberating. I hate wet spots.

The first rays of sunshine in the morning after a few horribly rainy days. Hoping for a chance to dry everything wet on the balcony.

Running into Uschi and Andrea. Dealing with their gossip with a new, detached energy.

Adding a few lemon slices to my tap water. Using my Retap bottle with the wooden lid for the first time in years.

A lengthy journalling session with lots of insights.

Flight mode for more peace of mind.

My strelitzia producing a huge new leaf. The baby is bigger than all the old ones.

Meeting some members of the Burn Family at Stroke Art fair. Good conversations with Sandra, Yeli and Kathi. Discovering a few inspiring artists.

Cinema and dinner with LenObi. It's been a while.

The moon appearing as a faint but full disc with a thin crescent in the lower right corner.

Eggplant burgers.

Visiting Ramapriya's yoga studio for the first time. I don't know what took me so long. We reconnected immediately and now I'm thinking about doing a Yoga Vidya teacher training. I learned so much in that one class. Her pelvic floor asanas and explanations were fantastic. Afterwards we talked about HSP, Human Design (she’s a fellow member of the ManGen club), her daughter, and she showed me a mantra to remove obstacles / gain energy, inspiration and joy. I left after more than two hours. C. called me and told me about a crazy dream featuring an erupting volcano.

Buying a FeetUp as a birthday gift to myself to practice handstands and improve my balance and core strength.

Hanging laburnum branches above C.'s kitchen table.

A walk through the forest/Filzen with C. Picking a bouquet of wildflowers. And “old people sex” which is what we called lying in bed attached to the same EMS machine, having a good conversation. Jumping on the trampoline together. Receiving little caresses and holding hands while watching TV. An intimate high pressure massage. Telling our dreams to each other in the morning. Making travel plans. Turning it around.

When the podcast is about to end right when you arrive at home.

Talking to Annika about portals.

Body doubling. Grading English tests while C. was assembling his new standing table. I love working side by side. Or even just somebody being present - it's some sort of control mechanism, I feel supported. I did that for C. when I just sat with him while he sorted out his storage space. And I think it really helped him, too.

Reading the lyrics of Die Interimsliebenden by Einstürzende Neubauten with C. In ihrem gemeinsamen Mund lebt ein Kolibri. Mit jedem seiner Flügelschläge, dafür das Auge viel zu träge, Kulturen erblühen und vergehen; ganze Kontinente untergehen.

Getting to know Elena, who works with Somatic Experiencing and Craniosacral Method. We got to know each other and I drew two pictures of my body. How it currently feels and what I want it to feel like. Interesting insights.

Waking up in a weird but calm energy on my birthday. Drawing the receptivity card. Attending a workshop on Deep Listening at the Art Academy. We meditated and played with sounds, even synthesizers. While some of it was too much for me (I could hear the electric current and most of the synthesizer sounds felt threatening) I enjoyed the concept and exercises. The other participants were all art teachers too. I felt resistance around one of them, Bastien, but we started talking over lunch. It got interesting really quickly and we spent two more hours in the English Garden after the workshop. B. told me his story. How he received healing. Experiences he's made. It was batshit crazy but I think I believe him. Was that the story I needed to receive that day? / Then I had tacos with Ben and we got along famously. I told him how much I like him when he's sober. I rented a karaoke box for two hours and sang with lots of friends - even Manu came which delighted me more than I would have expected.

Another relational abyss. Melodramatic scenes, right out of a movie. Turning around one of the saddest days of the year by truly talking and listening to each other. Seeing the wounded inner child in my partner. Being there for him. A commitment to doing the work. Growth.

Thoughtful birthday presents. A pillow for my uncomfortable car, a beautiful wok with wooden handles, homemade liquor and roasted pistachios. A video note from Christian and Lian.

Joking with C. and L. Easy, relaxed, appreciative. Developing C.’s idea for his outside platform. A relaxed morning with a kiss goodbye.

Lucie blessing me by singing the Om Tryambakam mantra for my birthday.

Shower Citrus! Eating a citrus fruit in the shower. My theory: the warm steam enhances the smell of the essential oil in the peel. It smells divine! What an experience.

A lavish breakfast. The spontaneous decision to go on a roadtrip. So we just packed the car and went our way. First we visited C.'s friend Maxi. She's one of those people with whom you immediately feel comfortable with. Her home was lovely. I also want a garden, chickens, a yoga platform. We slept in a caravan, talked about Merlin Sheldrake, had green pancakes and herbs, vegetable cake, smelled her entire DoTerra essential oil collection (Cassium, Madagascar Vanilla and Grapefruit are my favorites). I adored her daughter’s hairstyle (two chopsticks in a bun) and felt very cheerful one morning when I came into the house and an old Cat Power album was playing. / Then we visited her mum and tested all her esoteric devices and appliances. Moved on, had to change plans because C. forgot his backpack. Stopped at a strawberry field. Met Maxi and Juna at a lake, went swimming. I was reminded of how much I love that kind of movement. Water really is my element. We slept at a campsite in Aue. Not my scene at all. But the next day, we went to a thermal bath and sauna. Another happy place. Then we stayed with Franzi in Leipzig. I adored her apartment and we had a long conversation on her balcony. We also visited Marie together the next day. I tried to convince her cat to like me - no such luck. And I also ran into Jonathan that afternoon who was in town to visit his brother. What a strange coincidence. We went vintage shopping - I bought stained glass (and really want to learn how to work with it myself), C. bought an iridescent fake python jacket and a postcard for his son. We checked into a hotel. Received another lesson on personal boundaries. Went for a swim and a sauna session. Had ramen noodles. After a big breakfast (with fresh nut butter, delicious) we went to Jena and spent Ralf's lunch break in the botanical garden with him. We had a lovely time and spent the rest of the day in the planetarium for a 360° full dome movie festival and a concert. I took breaks for a Thai massage and fantastic Indian food. What a great trip.

Chris Wormell’s incredible illustrations, escpecially his astronomical woodcuts.

The tiniest mushrooms starting to grow in my champignon kit.

Making strawberry Raffaello cake for the Filzhof pizza party. Getting to know some of C.'s neighbours better. Playing with the dogs.

Watching the first season of House of the Dragon together. I'm a Rhaenys fangirl now.

White Matcha chocolate. And the best snack: pecans, freeze dried strawberries and spelt flakes.

Going to the garden center with C.! I loved picking out plants for the empty corner in his garden.

Alone time. Feels so nice after spending a long time surrounded by people.

Finishing the sunrise decor on my kitchen cabinets. They turned out really lovely.

Re-folding all my clothes. Sorting them by type and colour.

Eating buckwheat for lunch and dinner.

A phone call with Ludwig. Learning about my crippling insecurity and the underlying fear. Paradoxically, insecurity is my safe space because it means inaction. I don't have to make a decision - which would come with the possibility of making a mistake. / The Lesson pt.II - I clicked on a random video to keep me company while eating cornflakes. It was, of course, on safety as THE basic human need. In my face.

Harvesting the first two tiny cucumbers on my balcony. The bush in front of my window in full bloom - thousands of tiny white blossoms.

Making myself a cup of herbal tea instead of aimless snacking, trying to meet an emotional need. It worked.

Activities with Lian: decorating pudding, folding origami Pokémon, playfights.

Finally grading the artworks from the final exam. Procrastination alarm.

Drawing my body now and in its desired state with Elena. Doing boundary exercises. Meeting my inner protector: a big fuzzy bear. Which made me think of Luki who like running around in dark brown sheep skin and radiates a very stable, secure energy.

Reaching a relative state of everything is as it should be in my apartment with hardly any loose threads.

A visit from Luna and her friend Jannik. Deep talk, hanging out in my bed.

The golden morning sun. The long days around summer solstice.

#personal #present perfect #things i love #may 2024 #may #2024

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one-more-offbeat-anthem · 3 years

Note

I absolutely loved your recent fic with domestic sleepy baby!Jack and Dean, you write them so well! Loved that it was from Cas’ perspective, so so sweet! These bits especially:

Cas carefully pushes open the back door and there they are: Dean, spread out on the porch swing, Jack in his lap, both fast asleep. 😍

“I wanna play Barbies,” Jack says. “With you, Daddy.”

“Only if I get to be Veterinarian Barbie,” Dean replies, and he lets Jack pull him back into the house.

Can I request sick baby!Jack and upset Dean feeling all helpless? But cuddles make everything better (with Cas too!) ps sorry if you don’t actually take fic requests, ignore the request and enjoy the love!

okay okay okay I am Big Emotional about this ask I'm so glad you liked my recent fic! soft parenting deancas my beloved. and I love this prompt, thanks for sharing it!

---------------------

Dean thought he had the TV turned down low enough, but clearly not, because he hears a pitter patter of feet behind the couch. About three seconds later, Jack emerges, dragging his blanket along beside him.

"Did I wake you up?" Dean asks, muting the TV. He's probably seen all the movies on Time Warner Classics, anyways.

Jack shakes his head.

"Still can't sleep?"

Jack nods.

"Okay. C'mere, kiddo." Dean helps Jack climb onto the couch and then pulls the toddler into his lap.

Jack's been sick for the past few days--Dean doesn't think it's the flu, but if not, it's one hell of a cold. He's been doing everything he can think of, from making Jack take cough medicine (Jack hated it and Dean had to bribe him with a popsicle, which was maybe not the best parenting move, but he was running low on options) to tea with honey in it (Cas' idea) to elevating Jack's tiny head with a plethora of pillows. But the scratchy throat and runny nose and fever have persisted, and Dean's realized just how germy little kids can be.

(Of course, this is his little kid, so he doesn't mind as much.)

Jack snuggles up into his lap, and Dean tries to wrap his blanket around him. Despite the fever, Jack's been freezing; he's wearing his favorite striped footie pajamas despite the fact that it's the middle of the summer.

"Daddy?"

"Uh-huh?"

"What're you watching?" Jack asks in his four-year-old lisp.

"Just some old movie." Dean thinks it's The Thin Man, but to be honest, he hasn't been paying much attention, too concerned with searching ways to help with colds on his phone and wondering when Cas'll be back.

"Can I watch too?"

"Sure." Dean's pretty sure this movie is kid-friendly.

Well, there might be a murder, now that he thinks about it.

Oh well.

He finds the remote and switches the sound back on. Jack settles in to watch the movie, and Dean leans back into the couch cushions, trying to relax with forty pounds of sick toddler in his lap. He runs a hand through Jack's sweaty blonde hair while he looks at his phone.

Cas had gone to some craft fair today in the next town over with their friend Charlie, and he was supposed to be back fifteen minutes ago. Dean's trying not to worry--and with Charlie involved, they've probably gotten into some kind of hijinks and are just running late--but Jack being sick has him on edge.

Eventually, Jack's breathing evens out and he fully sags into Dean's lap, asleep. Dean's nearly there himself, with the dim lights in the living room and the glow of the TV and only the sounds of William Powell as retired detective Nick Charles on screen and Jack's breathing to keep him company.

Dean sits up with a jolt, though, when he hears keys in the front door, and then quiet footsteps. There's the rustling of a plastic bag--presumably whatever Cas got at the craft fair (the last time he and Charlie went to one, Cas got a giant crocheted cow for Jack), and then the feeling of a kiss on the top of his head. Dean leans his head up to see his husband standing over him.

"How is he?" Cas whispers.

"Just fell asleep."

"That's good." Cas comes around the couch and sits down next to Dean and Jack. "What movie are you watching?"

"The Thin Man. Old detective movie from the 30s." Dean presses a hand to Jack's forehead--still warm. "Jack seemed to like it."

"Let's watch the rest." Cas leans his head on Dean's shoulder and then finds Dean's other hand (the one not making sure Jack isn't going to spontaneously combust or something) and holds it in his own, and that's that.

(In the middle of the night, Dean wakes up, still on the couch, to the sound of Cas's even breathing and Jack's snuffed up sniffles, the TV now playing informercials. He smiles to himself before falling right back asleep.

Jack's fever breaks in the morning.)

#offbeatwrites #baby!jack #I hope you like it!!!#fic request #anon ask <3 #nice people!!!#also the thin man thing so. my grandfather is obsessed with black and white films (the thin man came out in 1934) and when I would hang out #with him during the summer as a kid we would watch an old movie every single night #the thin man was one of my favorites #and we did watch it once when I was sick <3

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forgottenpnffacts · 4 years

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So I know you’ve covered age before, but in “Act Your Age” the boys are 18 (heading to college) 10 years from the show’s canon summer, but in “P&F Quantum Boogaloo” they’re 30, 20 years from the show’s canon summer. Are they eight years old or ten? Has either show creator ever mentioned this? Love your blog!!!

I’m glad you like the blog! Dwampy stated in the opener of “Act Your Age” that Phineas and Ferb were teenagers (they never specify 18 years old) in this episode set 10 years in the future, but, yeah, the math completely doesn’t add up on that considering how Dwampy have said they’re 10-ish years old (Phineas has a summer birthday as we saw in “Phineas’ Birthday Clip-O-Rama!” and Ferb supposedly has a February birthday), which, yes, does align with them being 30 years old in “Phineas and Ferb’s Quantum Boogaloo!” Basically, it seems like Dwampy were so focused on having a nice, round number of years to skip forward to that they forgot they’d already established both of the boys as being 10 years old by the time PnF’s summer ended.

Personally, when I think about AYA I just either ignore the first or second part of that opener, meaning I either consider the episode to take place at whatever still-a-teenager-age Phineas and Ferb/their friend group are when choosing to go to college (which depends on what age they were when they started school in the first place--for example, I myself was a college freshman at age 17 since I started school at age 4--or if they took a gap year) or I consider it to take place actually 10 years in the future when they’d be 20 (with similar gap year considerations as above, or I pretend they’re transferring from community college to a four year college).

#like AYA's A-plot has so many problems (baljeet/ginger's manipulative & jealous relationship....the boys' emotional constipation despite #baljeet wanting to talk about his feelings in 'Hide and Seek'/ferb talking about healthy expressions of emotions in 'Last Day of Summer'#....isabella apparently waiting???? for phineas to initiate a relationship despite her being the one to be the mover & shaker in the series #like when she asked him out in 'Canderemy'/'Out to Launch' + was going to confess to him in 'Night of the Living Pharmacists'#/'Operation Crumb Cake'/Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension)#and this is just another one of them #like man if i were able to re-do AYA i'd have it so that: 1) correct years leapt forward 2) the plot revolves around the kids deciding #on one last project to all do together during their last summer 3) at the very end of the episode phineas & isabella kiss goodbye #AKA they were already together but it wasn't confirmed/revealed until the very end for maximum OMG factor #4) either fix or get rid of the baljeet/ginger problems because what kind of relationship model is that for kids watching the show??!#5) the ferbnessa thing is also kind of weird since she knew him when he was a child so i'd prefer that gone too #....honestly if disney would have allowed it at the time (probably not) buford/baljeet could have made a good friends-to-lovers couple #or maybe that would technically be enemies-to-friends-to-lovers considering how typically their Nerd-Bully relationship initially played out #(like in terms of emotional payoff while ginger does express interest in baljeet the few times they interact we don't get enough scenes #of her/she has practically no characterization outside of being a fireside girl + stacy's sister whereas buford and baljeet are doing things #like constantly hanging out alone together and saying they love each other and having lots of playful banter--#--we also know baljeet isn't solely interested in ginger because of his vague mistletoe wish....#.....which he shared while lying on a bed with buford)#also fun fact: according to AYA isabella seems to have been into phineas since he was around 3 years old since #baljeet says 'She came over to your house every day for eleven years just to see what you were doin'!'#+ isabella says 'I sort of gave up when we got to high school'/her song flashback indicates that she stopped coming by then at ~age 14 #asks #anon

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redpandaramblings · 3 years

Text

Like Caramel For Chocolate- An Omega Bakugou x Alpha f!Reader fic. Part 6

Part 1 Here

Next part Here

Content Warning: Negative headspace, omegaverse, self deprecation, depressive thoughts, pushy parental figures, ambiguous omegaverse reproduction, unhealthy relationships, relationship that could be easily fixed if idiots would use their words and communicate, Shinso/Denki side relationship, Bakugou is a dumbass but so is y/n

Where we left off-

Before Bakugou could reply, the jeweler came back into the room and handed Denki a piece of paper.

“All right sir, here is your receipt! Your ring should be ready in three days.”

“Thanks.” Denki shoved the receipt into his pocket, quickly making his way to the door. “See you around Bakubro. Don't want to be late for my shift.” The door closed behind him with a bang.

Bakugou wasn’t annoyed though. Now he could pick out the perfect ring for Y/N and not worry about Kaminari being nearby. Everyone knows Kami can’t keep a secret to save his life.

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep all of this a secret.” Denki moaned into his hands. He was sitting with his head buried in his arms. Y/N reached across the table and gently petted his hair.

“I know what you mean, but I don’t think either of us are in a good position to start telling people.”

Y/n and Denki sat in a secluded corner of a dimly lit cafe. Both of them had this time free and both of them definitely needed to talk. They stood a lot less chance of anyone asking questions if they were just two friends getting lunch instead of them privately going to each other’s apartments.

Denki looked up, giving Y/N a wide eyed expression. “I know, but I wasn’t expecting Bakugou to show up when I was dropping off that abomination of a ring! I just was lucky the jeweler had already taken it to the back. You were right by the way, that thing is absolutely horrendous. Like, was the designer blind?”

Y/N snorted. “From what I’ve heard, great great grandpappy had a lot more money than brains and wanted to impress his omega by shoving as many stones onto a ring as possible.”

“No kidding. I think it can be seen from space.”

“Very likely.” Y/N chuckled before slumping back into her seat with a sigh. “Though I might have an idea about what Bakugou was doing there.”

“Wait, seriously?”

Y/N nodded with a sigh. “Yeah. When I got back he invited me to the summer festival. I’d forgotten about it.”

“Ah shit, yeah. Isn’t that your guys' anniversary?”

“Yep.” Y/N sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Of course he had to pick this time to actually celebrate. We haven’t gone or done anything… God, I think since he became a hero.”

“So you think he was getting a gift.” Denki sat back as the server came, placing your orders in front of each of you. You both murmured your thank yous and waited until the server was out of earshot before resuming your conversation.

“Yeah, he had to have been. Makes me feel terrible, but there wasn’t a good time to… Well…”

Y/n gestured between herself and Denki.

“Tell him that you’ve been betrothed to an omega of much superior looks, breeding, and manners?”

You gave Denki a little kick under the table as he cackled. He grinned cheekily as he poked at his food. “Sorry. Humor is my coping mechanism. I get it though. Timing sucks all the way around.”

You nodded, sighing and taking a bite of your own food. “Can’t say anything during his heat. Then his schedule was swamped, and I had to sort things out with you. Then bam, anniversary that for some reason he decided to remember this year.”

Denki snorted, popping a bite into his mouth. “That’s about the long and the short of it. And we haven’t even begun to figure out how to tell everyone we’ve not only accepted arranged betrothals, but that we’re engaged to each other.”

“I don’t know, I was kind of hoping we could just move to Tahiti and never speak to our former friend groups ever again?”

“A valid possibility. But that means we’d have to learn French and maybe Tahitian. You know I only passed English because Hitoshi and his dad coached me.”

“Fair point.” You sighed heavily. “But I’m really not looking forward to these conversations.”

“They have to happen though. You might have some anonymity to hide behind, but I’d rather my friends not find out about our engagement when they see an article about Chargebolt getting married.”

“Really?” You smirked slightly. “Then you’re going to tell everyone at your agency, hmm?”

Denki kicked you under the table. “Shut up!”

You poked at your food again as the smile fell from your lips. “So… Did you get a chance to think about what I sent you?”

Kaminari nodded. “Yeah. And I hate to say it, but I think you’re right.”

“I thought about it a lot. I hate to leave the area, but it would be too awkward to stay here after everything.”

A few days ago you had sent Denki an email with a list of places that had job openings that would suit both of you. You both loved where you lived, but after everything, how could you stay? There’s no way the two of you could continue to keep living in the same apartment building as Bakugou. That would be cruel. Cruel to whom you didn’t quite want to think about. You spoke up again.

“Any place catch your eye?”

Kaminari nodded. “I was kind of thinking Okinawa. I have a few connections there. Decent distance from here and from our parents. And that would probably be the easiest transition.”

“Works for me.” You said, as if it wasn’t ripping your heart out to do this. It hurt. But it had to happen. In the end, you had to believe this was what was best for everyone. It might take some time, but this was it. This was what would make everyone happy in the long run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinsou was worried. Denki had been acting odd. And that’s saying something. The blond omega was usually loud and bubbly, the life of the agency. At least once a week, he invited Shinsou out for drinks, meals, clubs, karaoke, or some other nonsense. But ever since he’d gotten back from his three day leave, Kaminari had been acting strange. When he thought no one was looking, he was quiet. Withdrawn. Like he was puzzling out the toughest problem of his life.

Denki having a problem? Pretty typical. Denki having a problem and not talking to Shinsou about it? Pretty unusual. The blond had always come to the purple haired alpha with even the simplest of problems. Apartment searches, furniture assembly, what support items would suit his quirk best, even things like what to get from Starbucks. And even though he might groan and roll his eyes, secretly Hitoshi loved every second of it. When he had helped by digging through websites, cobbling together a rickety shelf, or reminding Denki that he always got the most cloyingly sweet items on the menu; Hitoshi got to pretend that he was Denki’s alpha.

Shinsou wasn’t sure exactly when he had fallen in love with Denki. Probably had been since high school at least. His dad had warned him against loud blonds while his father had laughed. But he couldn’t help it. Kaminari had been one of the first people to enthusiastically believe in him. Had always sought him out and wormed his way into Shinsou’s life and heart. And now Shinsou couldn’t understand it, but Denki was pulling away. Even as he watched the blond who was typing up a report on his computer, it somehow felt like Kaminari was slipping right through his fingers.

Shinsou cleared his throat. Kaminari glanced up. “Yeah man? What’s up?”

“You doing okay, Denks? You’ve seemed a little out of it.”

Denki met his eyes, startled, then quickly glanced away. “Yeah. Yep! Totally fine.”

“Denki. I know you.”

Kaminari sighed and slumped on his desk. “Just some life stuff. Family stuff. Friend stuff.”

Shinsou frowned, walking over to place a hand on Denki’s shoulder. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Denki snorted and laughed quietly. Shinsou furrowed his brows.

“Yeah” Denki sighed. “I know. But half of it isn’t really my stuff to tell and the other half isn’t exactly worth talking about.”

“You sure? We could go grab one of your obnoxiously sweet coffees after work. Go to mine or yours, watch an old crappy horror.”

“Tempting. Thanks man. I would, really, but I got some stuff I have to do after work. Some other time maybe.”

Shinsou frowned. It was rare for the omega to turn down an invitation for a movie night. Hell, it was rare for Denki to turn down an invitation, end stop. It made him even more worried about his omega… friend. His omega friend. His friend who just so happens to be an omega. Hitoshi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He really didn’t want to ruin the best friendship he had. But he couldn’t keep this up much longer. His alpha had decided on the electric blond long ago, and the omega’s unusual behavior and unhappy scent was driving him wild with the need to protect. He really needed to pull himself together and confess soon.

“Well, whenever you’re free then,” Shinsou said, reluctantly letting his hand fall from Denki’s shoulder. “You know my number.”

Denki nodded and looked up, giving him half a smile. “I do. Thanks Shinsou.”

Shinsou walked back to his desk, his mind made up. He needed to tell his omega how he felt, and soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N twisted and turned, looking at herself in the mirror. It had been a very long time since she’d worn a yukata. It didn’t feel right to dress up like this. But wearing anything else also felt wrong. Everything about this date felt wrong. Like this was the kind of she she did in another life. And now here she was, going on a date with the man she loved. Who she’d always love. And who she’d already decided she was going to let go.

Y/N snorted and fussed with her hair a bit. Maybe she should have just refused this date. Claimed to be sick or something. But that felt wrong too. So, she just had to get through tonight. After all, what’s one more night of pretending everything is fine? Hopefully this could be a good memory from a relationship that just wasn’t meant to be. After tonight, she’d wait a couple days and then talk to Bakugou and let him go like he clearly wanted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katsuki was going to throw up.

He was going to throw up, right here, all over himself and all over shitty hair, too. His red headed friend was giving him a pep talk as he helped Bakugou into his jinbei. Not that Bakugou needed the help. Or the pep talk. It just was easier to let the squad come over when they had found out about his date. It’s not like he wanted them there or anything. Once Kiri, Mina, and Sero realized he was going to use this date to ask Y/N to be his mate, they had insisted on helping him get ready.

None of them knew about the little velvet box in his pocket and that his plans went further than just asking Y/N to be his mate. Bakugou bit his lip to keep from frowning as he looked over his friends, a certain loud blond conspicuously missing. You wouldn’t hear Katsuki admit it out loud, but he really wished Denki could have been here. He loved the others, and they were great in their own ways. But Denki was his pack’s other omega. He got it in a way that the others didn’t. After tonight, he’d have to make sure to catch Pikachu up on all the news. Hell, maybe he could help his fellow blond finally talk to that purple haired idiot he’d been mooning over for years. Everyone in the pack knew Denki’s family had been harping at him to settle down for quite a while.

Bakugou looked up in time to see Mina coming at him with the hair grease. He threw up his hands.

“Fuck no! Keep that shit away from me!”

“You’ve got to do something about that pile of straw you call a haircut. Besides, Wouldn’t it be nostalgic? Weren’t you interning for Best Jeanist again when you asked Y/N out the first time?”

“Yes, and I’d rather shave myself bald than ever have my hair like that again!”

Mina sighed. “Fine. We’ll do something else. But if I can’t slick it back, you will be wearing eyeliner!”

“IN YOUR DREAMS, PINKY!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You waited outside the entrance to the festival. It was strangely soothing to watch the people flow by, like you were a rock overlooking a stream. There were groups of friends, couples both young and old, families where the laughing children ran ahead of their parents eager to get inside. You gave a small smile at the last. Maybe that could be you someday, a parent getting to see a festival through the eyes of a child again. Though the mental picture was hazier than it used to be. The children you half imagined just blurs of colorful yukatas, instead of loud and stubborn blond haired brats with their father’s eyes and attitude. You huffed a quiet laugh to yourself as a thought occurred to you. If you and Kaminari actually went through with this plan, decent chance the kids would still be blond. The thought hurt a little.

“Y/N!”

You looked up and had the breath knocked out of your lungs.

Katsuki was beautiful. You knew it. Thought it often, even. But tonight he practically glowed. His hair had been tamed into a softer look than usual. The jinbei he wore was the perfect compliment to his skintone. Was that… Yes. Dark eyeliner made his crimson eyes pop. Your heart ached. You’d always love this man. No matter how it tore you apart, he’d always own part of your heart and soul. You smiled weakly and raised your hand in greeting.

“Hey. You look good.”

“Thanks.” Bakugou scratched the back of his head. “Mina got ahold of me.”

“That explains it then.”

“Hey!” Katsuki gently elbowed you in the side before taking his place next to you. “You saying I can’t dress up on my own?”

“Yes.”

“Y/N!” You dodged out of the way as he swatted at you, laughing. Yes. This could be it. One last good night.

“Shall we go in?” You asked, holding out your hand.

“That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?” Katsuki asked as he walked past you, ignoring your hand.

You gave a quiet smile as you followed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katsuki picked at his food, none of it making it to his mouth. He was going to be sick. He was going to be sick right here and some paparazzi was going to see and take a picture and the big headline tomorrow was going to be “A Puke Worthy Proposal.” He was trying his best to keep up the illusion that everything was fine and normal, but it was rough. It had been a long time since he’d taken his alpha on even a normal date. And this wasn’t any normal date. It didn’t help that things were feeling forced and awkward.

He wanted to hold your hand, but his own hands were sweating buckets. He tried to keep up casual conversation, but that was getting harder and harder as the night wore on. Every sentence he wanted to just blurt it out and get it over with. It was impossible to keep talking about what vendors he recognized when all he wanted to say was “I love you and I’ll always love you and I want you by my side until the sun stops shining.”

It didn’t help that things felt awkward. Almost nothing was feeling easy or natural. It really had been far too long since the two of you had gone on any sort of date. He frowned as he thought about it. It had been over a year, at least. Longer, even. Well, he was going to have to fix that. He’d be able to use some of that pro hero paycheck and spoil you like you deserved. His Y/N. His mate. And soon, his wife.

Bakugou stared at nothing, his eyes going unfocus as he started daydreaming about how spectacular your wedding would be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a disaster. You glanced over to where Bakugou stood picking at his food, looking bored. You’d been trying to keep up the conversation, but for the past several minutes you’d only gotten hums or grunts in response to anything you said.

“It’s amazing how they got all those pro heroes to dance nude as one of the main attractions this year.”

Katsuki grunted.

Yeah, he wasn’t paying attention at all.

You sighed, looking down at your own untouched food. You never should have agreed to come. At least this date was proving it to you. This had to end. The two of you didn’t know how to be a couple anymore. It was even clearer that Katsuki wasn’t even interested in trying. You had no idea why he wanted to have this date in the first place. Some bizarre sense of obligation? Maybe his heat had shaken him up enough that his omega needed the sense of normalcy? This issue was this wasn’t normal for the two of you anymore. It hadn’t been for a very long time. You sighed, glancing around for a trash can to oust you untouched dango.

A loud pop caused you to look up. The fireworks were about to start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bakugou looked up at the sound of the first firework.

“Wanna head to the pier?”

You nodded quietly, following him as he led the way. He was sweating so much now that if he set himself off he’d take out half the city.

This was it. It was almost time. The two of you were going to watch the fireworks from the out of the way pier like you had all those years ago. It was at the end of that fireworks show the two of you had had your first kiss. And this time… Well this time at the end of the show he was going to propose and you were going to say yes, and it was going to be perfect.

That is if he didn’t barf before you two got there.

“Hurry up,” he grunted as he picked up the pace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You tried not to flinch at Bakugou’s harsh tone. He clearly wanted to get this night over with even more than you did. You tried not to let it hurt.

The pier was empty as it always was. The lack of lighting keeping others away. The first time you had discovered it, it had felt hidden and intimate. Now it felt desolate. Lonely.

You walked up to the railing and stared at the sky. The fireworks didn’t feel magical anymore either. Your fingers wrapped around the railing as you glanced to the side. Bakugou wasn’t even looking up. He was staring at the reflections of flashes in the dark swirling water below.

You couldn’t do this anymore.

No more.

The fireworks illuminated you as your grip on the railing tightened until your knuckles turned white.

“Katsuki?”

“”What?” He asked roughly, barely glancing your way.

“Let’s break up.”

And that was Part 6, my darlings! Hope you're enjoying the drama, because there's more angst on the way! You can scream at me about the cliffhanger in replies, reblogs, tags or asks. :P

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#reader insert #bnha reader insert #bakugou x fem!reader #bakugou angst #bakugou x reader #reader insert angst #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #omegaverse #omega bakugou #alpha reader #multi part fic #denki #fake dating #fake engagement #part 6

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sehunniepotwrites · 4 years

Text

if we were a movie | j.jh

for @nctsworld’s first writing challenge

SYNOPSIS. For someone who was always the understudy and never the lead, scoring this role was huge for you. All you had to do was pretend to be in love with your best friend. No big deal, right? Wrong. It was the biggest deal because, for the past four years, you had been hiding your feelings for Jung Jaehyun.

If this were a movie, he would be your perfect match and the story would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack. Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

GENRE. childhood friends to lovers!au, college!au, drama school!au, slow burn, angst, humor, mutual pining, fluff (loosely based on the Filipino rom-com Must Be Love and If We Were a Movie by Hannah Montana) PAIRING. theatre major!Jaehyun x theatre major!reader WORD COUNT. 14+ k

WARNINGS. point of view switches from first (”I”) to second (”you”); self-doubt, insecurities, mutual pining, cursing, lots of references and direct quotes from musicals such as Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella, Disney’s Newsies, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, Shrek the Musical, and Wicked (edited but i might’ve missed some mistakes; bare with me!)

There are moments where time flows as normal, where people carry on with their days as they usually do. Then, there are moments people experience in slow-motion, where the world just stops spinning and all the background noise just fades away. These are the moments people look forward to. They’re the breathtaking ones, the ones that capture your heart and soul. After those moments, people are never the same.

The first time I experienced something in slow motion was when I made my stage debut at a small talent show. There was thunderous applause after my performance and while my heart thumped against my chest, the world seemed to come to a stop. That’s when I knew my heart belonged to the stage or rather, the stage belonged to me.

Some of these slo-mo moments are the ones where people fall in love.

My father said that’s how he knew my mother was the one for him: he experienced it all at a slowed rate, everything fading into black and she was the only thing he saw. She was his brightest star and he was the one who reached for the sky to bring her down to Earth.

When I was younger, I always dreamed about my “falling in love” slow-mo moment. I pictured a grandiose event with large actions and sweet words. For it to actually happen at theatre camp during the initial dress rehearsal for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast J.R.— well, that was far from what I hoped for.

And yet, it was just as special as I thought it would be.

I was in my obnoxious fork costume, waiting for my best friend to leave the boy’s dressing room.

Jung Jaehyun had been my best friend since the beginning, otherwise known as my first year at theatre camp. Only ten years old at the time, we both were cast as two of the three blind mice in Shrek the Musical and had been inseparable ever since. Although we attended different middle schools, our friendship grew from our shared vocal and dance lessons as well as our summers at camp. You know how it is; those who end up in the ensemble together stay together.

Going over the dance moves in my head, I didn’t hear my friend’s voice calling my name. He gripped my shoulder, the action surprising me to the point where I lost my balance. I yelped and shut my eyes, expecting to fall onto the hard ground but a hand grabbing onto my wrist prevented my doom. With an arm around my waist, I barely missed the ground.

Slowly opening my eyes, I glanced up to see Jung Jaehyun looking down at me with a worried gaze. He was just a sixteen-year-old boy dressed as a spoon and yet, the world around us came to a halt. Gone were the other frantic theatre kids and the backstage messes. The couple playing Belle and the Beast was no longer sitting across from us, running through their lines. No hustle and bustle of the crew and the props masters.

It was just me dressed as a fork, falling down while my spoon for a best friend caught me in his arms.

“We make quite a pair, don’t we, Forky?” he chuckled lowly, hitting the top of his costume to mine. It was a ridiculous sight— a pair of oversized cutlery in a crowded dressing room.

A burning hot sensation crept its way up to my face as he gently pulled me up. “I guess we do.”

Since then, my life has never been the same. I was in love with my best friend, Jung Jaehyun. I fell for him when the world stopped spinning beneath my feet while his world, unfortunately, kept on turning.

I remember each and every slowed-down moment in life —the good, the bad, and the absolute worst. I never thought a bad slo-mo moment existed, I simply didn’t think it was possible.

I was young and naive then and I was so incredibly wrong.

The moment that hurt me most took place in my senior year of high school. The final callbacks for our community’s production of Disney’s Newsies were in order. The role of Jack Kelly, the headstrong and flirty newsboy, was easily given to the ever-so-charming Jung Jaehyun. He was not only my best friend at the time but he was the it-boy of our small theatre. People were either in love with him or wanted to be him— his talent matched his insane looks. His kind personality made him all the more lovable.

Jaehyun had his two fatal flaws, though. Everyone knew them but still saw him in such a bright light.

One: the boy was extremely clumsy. Jaehyun was often called “magic hands,” constantly ruining his props. It was a running gag in the theatre but the props committee never minded; one smile was all it took for them to forgive him and his cursed hands.

That was his first flaw. And his second? Jaehyun fell in love way too easily and way too fast.

How exactly did I find this out? Well, I was there to witness the scene that lifted his heart to the highest of levels while mine dropped straight to the ground.

I was in the running for the stubbornly intelligent female lead named Katherine Plumber. My opponent was the confident and radiant Son Wendy. She always played the lead in her high school productions but this was a community musical and I was determined to claim that part as my own.

I went first, entering the audition room with a smile with the script gripped tightly in my palm. Performing alongside my best friend was easy. The romantic scene was a piece of cake, not because the lines were a breeze. That wasn’t it at all. It wasn’t because I memorized the Newsies script as a child either. It was because, at that moment, Jung Jaehyun was in love with me as much as I was in love with him. It was a moment I wanted to cherish forever: the way he looked at me was something I had never experienced before. It was so full of emotion and passion, like he had me within his grasp and never wanted to let me go.

“You got this. I believe in you,” he whispered in my ear, squeezing my hand in support. His breath tickled my skin and sent shivers down my spine. The nerves were back, not because of the audition, but because of him.

“You’re just saying that because it’s the scene we’re about to act out, Jae,” I hissed. The sheet music for the duet, Something to Believe In, wrinkled in my free palm.

His warm, comforting hand pressed harder against my own. “No, it’s not that. If you need someone to believe in you, I’m right here. I’ve got you, Forky. Always.”

The director cleared his throat from his seat, his scrutinizing eyes watching us closely as we got into position, just like we rehearsed a thousand times. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I watched as Jaehyun took a deep breath to get into character. He closed his eyes, rolled his broad shoulders back, and then his lids snapped open. His brown-eyed gaze aimed straight at me, with a vulnerable expression taking over his features. He was no longer Jung Jaehyun— he was Jack Kelly, a scared newsboy who was in love with a newspaper company heiress.

The line came pouring out of his mouth with the utmost sincerity, the confusion and affection seeping through his words, “Just standing here tonight, looking at you, I’m scared tomorrow is gonna come and change everything.”

Jaehyun took a step forward towards me, an unsure smile curling on his lips. “If there was a way I could just grab hold of something to make time stop just so I could keep looking at you.”

His body stops right in front of mine, keeping a clear distance but enough to feel the passion radiating off of his words and actions. For once in my young life, my best friend looked at me with a different kind of love in his eyes and I returned it, my genuine feelings seeping through my words.

Biting my lip, I replied coyly, “You snuck up on me, Jack Kelly, I never even saw it coming.”

“For sure?” he stage-whispered. His upstage hand unexpectedly reached up to caress my cheek. The action was unrehearsed, almost catching me off guard. It was a different take on the scene. The characters were supposed to be shy, their thoughts wavering on their own feelings for each other and the impending strike that was to come the day after; yet, Jaehyun played Jack as someone certain of his feelings.

“For sure,” I answered back at the same volume, my hand cupping his own to follow along with his direction. It felt as if he was searching my soul for my thoughts and I could not let him in. The opening bars of the romantic duet echoed throughout the room and after taking a breath, I began to sing. Jaehyun joined in on the second verse and instantly, our voices blended together in a beautiful harmony, one that beat our Newsies karaoke sessions in his car.

The scene ended as quickly as it began. The director hummed before jotting notes down and whispering to his casting assistants for a few seconds. I thought they were the longest seconds of my life. Jaehyun nodded his head to reassure me. “You did well, Forky.”

“Of course I did, it’s me we’re talking about here,” I nudged him back. “I can do no wrong, Jae!”

“Thank you,” the director finally spoke, “you may go. Jaehyun, if you could escort her out and fetch Wendy for me?”

“Of course,” your friend nodded. The feeling of his large hand on my back slowly guided me out of the room. The spot he touched me burned but my cheeks were burning even more. Why was it that every little touch drove me to the brink of insanity?

“You’re so going to land this part,” I remember him saying as he squeezed my waist. My heart was beating erratically against my ribcage, the butterflies in my stomach threatening to fly their way up my throat.

“You think so?”

“Oh definitely,” Jaehyun stressed with a wink.

He said it too soon.

Because the minute he locked gazes with Son Wendy, I just knew he had found his leading lady.

“S-Son Wendy?” he stuttered as he caught sight of the pretty girl in the waiting room. Her hair was styled similarly to a young maiden from the turn of the century, perfectly curled and out of her face.

“Yes?” she smiled back.

It seemed like the words were caught in my best friend’s throat. Sneaking a glance at Jaehyun’s ears, they burned a bright red. “We’re, um, we’re ready for you.”

I watched as Jaehyun nervously offered his arm to her, his eyes never leaving her face. It was like he was her own personal spotlight, the way his eyes shone just for the girl in front of him. The boy was completely enamored and I was instantly in the shadows. The sweet smile that was reserved for me was directed towards another and it sparkled in a way it never did before.

The world around me moved incredibly slow as they passed me by. With everything frozen, all I saw was the gorgeous couple headed to the audition room with hushed exchanges. Jaehyun took his time heading to the private room to spend more time with the girl while Son Wendy steadily made her way into my friend’s fragile heart. My own heart clenched at the sight. It was breaking ever so slowly and I felt every little crack and tear.

Even with the role of the understudy, it was as if I never even had a chance at winning his heart over. If Wendy wasn’t present for one rehearsal, Jaehyun didn’t even see me— his own best friend since our ensemble days. He was way too deep into his “showmance.” It was like I never even existed. It wasn’t long before he called Wendy his girlfriend and then, I was invisible. Cast aside. Ignored.

Needless to say, my heart broke in slow-motion as Jaehyun’s pounded rapidly for a girl that took two parts I desperately ached for: Katherine Plumber and the girl who held Jaehyun’s heart.

But this was just the first time his heart was stolen by his opposite. The first of many.

The first two years of university passed me by like a summer breeze. Constantly busy with general education and introductory drama courses, I was constantly flitting around from building to building. My hands were usually occupied by my laptop, a blazing cup of caffeinated tea, and a worn out script while my mind was filled with jumbled up lines and the dramatic cries of an overwhelmed university student. I probably wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for Jaehyun and Xiao Dejun, another theatre major we had met during orientation, by my side.

Fast forward to my third year and the three of us were headed to the office of the theatre department. It was posting day for the spring musical— the day the cast list was revealed. This year’s musical spectacular was Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. The play itself was a modern classic and it was also my dream come true.

This day, just like any posting day of the drama department, was nerve-racking. Everyone was anxious to find out what parts they were given and how the fairytale would play out. The part of the brave and kind Ella was always on my list of roles I wanted to fill. As much as I thought I did well on my final callback, I didn’t want to set my hopes too high.

“Are you nervous?” Jaehyun asked while draping an arm over my shoulder. He playfully put all his weight onto his right side to throw me off balance.

“Nervous? Me? Why would I be nervous if I’m like 95% sure I’m going to get the understudy again?” I chuckled sarcastically. Bitterly. It happened every year, so why get my hopes up now?

“Yeah but—”

“No buts, I’ve accepted the title of the Wonderstudy! I think you should too, Jae,” I slapped his shoulder before quickly slipping out of his hold before linking arms with Dejun. My best friend let out a yelp, almost tripping over his own two feet as we continued down the hallway. “I’m mediocre at best.”

The Wonderstudy: it was the nickname the other students in the department gave me because I was always the understudy. I was never the star of the show. It said that I was good but not good enough.

Dejun leaned in and whispered, “You do know that you’re more than just that, right? You’re an actor. A phenomenal one. You weren’t accepted to this drama program by just being mediocre at best.”

I ignored my friend’s comment, eyes zoned in at the other end of the building. The crowd of usual theatre students crowded around the bulletin board, curious heads popping up and down trying to take a peek at the list. Some buzzed with excitement, happy they got a major part while others groaned in disappointment. You were most likely going to be with the later group.

Once the cluster of students caught sight of Jaehyun, they parted like the red sea to let him through. It wasn’t really necessary, though, everyone knew the it-boy of the drama department was cast as the role of the misguided prince, Topher.

The only question was: who was cast as his princess? Who was this year’s Ella?

I fought my way through the bunch with Dejun following behind me as our best friend was showered with congratulations. Jaehyun was all smiles, dimples prominent as he was lavished by the mass. Dejun made it to the list first. His finger dragged along the thin paper until he found his name. He cheered, pumping his fist up in joy. “I got the part I wanted! I’m Jean-Michel!”

Grinning at my friend, I sincerely congratulated him. He got the second lead: the feisty peasant looking for change. Turning again, his eyes grazed the list until Dejun found my name. His smile dropped ever so slightly and that was when I knew: I was beaten once again.

“What part did I get?”

“Gabrielle,” he answered. Ah, the outwardly abrasive but quietly empathetic sister. The second lead, love interest of Jean-Michel. At least I was playing Dejun’s opposite.

I took a step closer, wondering who took the part of the kind princess. Squinting at the small print, my eyes scanned the jumble of words until I saw it.

Ella……………………….Lee Naeun Ella u/s………………….Y/N

I scoffed. Forever the understudy. The Wonderstudy of the Theatre Department indeed.

The first rehearsal, otherwise known as the read-through, took a toll on me. It was usually a two to three hour long session, filled with loud chatter, crazy introductions, and a variety of crazy theatre games to break the ice. When the niceties ended, everyone took their seats in their plastic chairs that were arranged in a huge circle. Bae Joohyun, the head stage manager began reading the stage directions aloud as the table read began. The production’s director, Professor O’Hare, sat alongside Joohyun, jotting down notes and giving out commentary when needed.

Amongst the reading of lines were tiny whispers, the sound of highlighters and pencils marking the paper, and the simultaneous turning of pages. The music director, Professor Lau sat at the piano bench and sight-read the music to give the cast a taste of the songs. Being the first rehearsal, the few who knew of the songs sang along to the accompaniment with joyous smiles, myself and Dejun included.

When Professor Lau played the first romantic duet between the leads, all heads turned to Jaehyun and Naeun who sat side-by-side. With it being their first time together, the performance was far from perfect but it was still something. His lower tone blended nicely with her softer voice and the shy glances they exchanged made their duet quite a sight.

As Jaehyun and Naeun read the last lines for Act One, I noticed the way Jaehyun’s gaze kept flittering back to Naeun’s pretty face. The girl was focused on her lines, head down and hair blocking her gorgeous features, but he still kept looking at her and only her. I could imagine how the scene was playing out in his head, the world slowing down until Naeun was the only one moving. He was infatuated. Twitterpated.

And it hurt. It hurt more than reading the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet or listening to Elphaba’s desperate cry she lets out when she loses Fiyero. Call me dramatic but that was how I felt.

It wasn’t like I tried getting over him. It wasn’t like I tried dating other people before; I had many, many times but my mind always drifted back to my best friend. He was the boy with the richest brown eyes, the perfectly dimpled smile, and the lowest laugh that set my heart aflame. Without even knowing it, Jaehyun had this incredible hold on my broken heart and he would not let me out of his grip.

The green-eyed monster inside me resurfaced and I hated it. I absolutely hated it— why was I so pathetically in love with my best friend?

“Here we go again,” I said before dropping my head onto the table.

“You say that every time and you keep running back to him at the end of the day,” Dejun whispered before looking back down at his script. His hand continued to jet across the page, his highlighter marking his many lines.

Rolling up the script in my hand, I whacked his side. The action caused his hand to jerk the bright marker in another direction, striking a distorted line on his page. “Look what you did, twerp!” he hissed.

“Your fault, Eyebrows!”

“Stop calling me that, you fork!”

“Hey, only I can call her fork!” Jaehyun appeared out of nowhere, plopping alongside me. His voice snapped us out of our little argument, making us realize that the director called for a fifteen.

“That’s only because you’re a dumb spoon,” I stuck my tongue out at him. Jaehyun pretended to reach for it and I blew a raspberry at him to retaliate.

“You two idiots are my favorite cutlery set,” Dejun shook his head with a laugh. He was probably wondering why he stuck around us the majority of the time.

“Let off it, Dejun,” Jaehyun said with the roll of his brown orbs.

“Only if you let me be the knife to your set.”

“As if, dumbass,” I countered with a laugh.

“Okay but you guys, can we stop fighting for a sec and talk about how I got her number?” Jaehyun beamed, throwing his arms over both our shoulders. He pulled us closer to his body and the faint smell of his musky cologne hit my nose. I held back a sigh as it filled my senses. Oh, to be drowned in his scent.

“I got Naeun’s number!” he repeated excitedly, his strong arms shaking us. I held back my abrupt want to push him off. I wasn’t in a celebrating mood. My heart was too broken to care.

“Of course you did, when do you not get a girl’s number?” I answered a bit too bitterly. Raising a brow at him, I added, “Are we supposed to be surprised?”

“Listen,” Jaehyun countered, pulling back from me. “I don’t like that attitude, Forky.”

I scoffed, “Never stopped you from being my friend before, Jae.”

Jaehyun didn’t answer; he was too busy clutching his phone. His pretty brown eyes were fixed on Naeun’s contact page like it was the world’s greatest treasure. His eyes were sparkling in admiration before his gaze turned to the girl across the room. The look my best friend wore on his face was soft, the smile on his lips light. “I think she could be the one.”

Some thought him to be a player but I never thought of him that way. He might have had the looks of a heartbreaker but he had the purest heart of gold. The boy with the dimpled smile, porcelain skin, and cheeks as red as roses was a hopeless romantic to his very core. He was simply looking for his other half.

“I think she could be the one.” His words repeated in my head, his voice pestering me. My heart lurched at them despite hearing them each semester.

Jaehyun said this every year, with every girl. He said this when he crushed on Son Wendy, Kim Chungha, and so many more. His infatuations and crushes ended just as easily as they started. The boy was more than disappointed when the initial spark with each girl ended after a show’s run ended. When the musical closed, so did his feelings for each opposite.

I never got stage fright; I was usually the one who said what was on her mind without a moment’s hesitation. So why was I hesitating to tell him my feelings?

Why was I hesitating to say that the one Jaehyun could be looking for was standing right next to him?

Just another rehearsal at the auditorium.

Just another day watching my best friend fall for his leading lady.

Jaehyun and Naeun were standing in the middle of the stage, the ensemble surrounding them. He stood behind her, his hands gently placed on her waist while she leaned back into his touch. Naeun was wearing a fluffy tulle skirt, a mock-up of her ballgown. Park Sooyoung, the resident fashion major and lead costume designer, pushed her to wear it so she could get used to the estimated size of her dress. Even in a mere tank top and tulle skirt, Lee Naeun looked like a princess.

Professor Kwon, the choreographer of the production, stood at the end with a watchful eye. She counted them off, walking them through the routine while the rest of us practiced our steps off to the sidelines.

Once the two main characters got the hang of their steps, Professor Kwon motioned for Professor Lau to play the songs from the beginning. As much as I tried to focus on my own dance moves, my mind kept wandering back to Jaehyun.

Imagining him under the spotlight in a perfectly tailored suit, a crown sitting on his head, extending his arm out not to Naeun but to me. It was one of those movie moments where the characters and the audience watching fell in love.

If life was like a movie, things would be so much easier.

So lost in my thoughts, I missed a count and stepped on my partner’s foot. Muttering a quiet sorry to him, we continued on with the routine. As my partner swirled me around the dance floor, I drifted back into my daydream.

My utterly impossible daydream where I was the girl Jung Jaehyun was infatuated with. Although this play talked about impossible things happening everyday, I couldn’t imagine this ever happening.

The terrible thing about being a theatre major in university was being a theatre major with midterms. Not only did I have to deal with hours of my back hunched over a desk and scattered study materials, I had to spend half of my days in the school’s theatre rehearsing.

If I was not in class scribbling down last minute notes in notebooks, I was learning dance routines or running lines on and off stage alongside Dejun. The days were long and the nights were even longer. Sometimes, the cast fell asleep in the seats of the auditorium while rehearsals were going on. We were all losing sleep. Some of us were losing our sanity but hey, welcome to the theatre.

My schedule was filled to the brim and I wasn’t even the main character of the show. On top of that, I had to memorize the part of Ella. Not that it was really needed in the first place.

No one ever stepped down from a lead role while I was their backup. It just didn’t happen.

Despite the hectic lives of belonging to the theatre department, the musical was two months into production and everything was running smoothly. With a month and a left until opening night, everyone was off-book and the initial stage blocking was done. The costuming and makeup committee were finishing up their mock-up designs and the student orchestra sounded divine.

I saw more of Dejun than Jaehyun lately, my best friend being preoccupied with his new love interest before, during, and after rehearsals. I was cast aside once again.

Was it something out of the ordinary? No.

Did it still hurt? Yes.

Did I do anything about it? Absolutely not. I didn’t want to ruin his happiness. I rather suffer than see him as nothing but joyous, even if the happiness was temporary. The grin he wore when he was in love was too beautiful to rip away. Jaehyun shined like the light from the sun. I could never bring myself to do it.

It was week eight of rehearsals when I stepped out of my last midterm, my head absolutely empty after reading small text for over an hour. Reaching into my backpack’s front pocket, I pulled out my cell phone and quickly turned it on. My screen was flooded with missed calls and texts from Professor O’Hare, Joohyun, Jaehyun, and Dejun, the notification numbers reaching over a hundred total.

Something must have happened. Talk about a theatre emergency. Knowing our kind, they were probably being overdramatic.

Just as I was about to unlock my phone, a video call went through. It was Dejun. Rolling my eyes, I slid my finger across the screen to answer it. “Jeez, I know you love me but give a girl a break, Eyebrows!”

“God, you’re so conceited sometimes. Why didn’t you answer my calls?!” He shouted, face close to the phone. I winced at the volume, immediately lowering the level as I slipped on my wireless earbuds. “There are important matters to discuss here!”

“What happened this time? Did someone say Macbeth in the theatre again? You know I don’t believe in that shit,” I said sarcastically.

“Oh my god. This is not the time for jokes! Everyone’s been trying to reach you!” Xiaojun yelled once more. “Where are you?!”

“I just got out of my musical history midterm in Maple Hall. Heading to the theatre right now. Why?” I never received an answer; Dejun hung up the call. Giving my phone a weird look, I shoved it in my pocket before continuing on my way. A light push on my back prevented me from going too far.

“Twerp!” Xiao Dejun’s voice came from behind me, yanking me by the straps of my backpack. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. “Oh my god, we’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he said in between heavy breaths.

Crossing my arms, I cocked a brow at him. “Why’s that?”

Dejun placed a hand on my shoulder for support. The words came flying out of his mouth, I almost couldn’t catch what he was saying. So much for being a theatre major.

“Speak clearly, Dejun. Enunciate, articulate, exaggerate, remember? We are thespians and thespians do not mumble!”

The exhausted boy ignored my theatricals. “Naeun didn’t land a switch leap right and she rolled her ankle during advanced ballet. She’s going to be out for at least three to four weeks,” my friend replied breathily, his words a lot clearer than before.

The news shocked me to the core, my feet suddenly planted to the ground. It sounded like he said Naeun was out of commission. “What?”

“She’s out for three to four weeks! I mean sucks for her, I wish her a speedy recovery but do you know what this means?”

The lack of response from me urged him to continue, “Sweetheart, she’s out. You’re in!”

Oh shit. I was in.

The part I had always dreamed of was mine. The lead role was finally mine.

I was now Ella and Jung Jaehyun was my Prince Topher.

Having an understudy step up to their role halfway through production was always something to get used to. It was a setback, a minor one, but still a setback. Just as Jaehyun finally settled into his role and built an unshakeable bond with Lee Naeun as his opposite, the accident happened. His potential girlfriend was now out of the show and off her feet in order to push for a speedy recovery.

The lovesick boy couldn’t even be there for her because his rehearsal times increased in order to get his best friend adjusted to your new role. There he was, leaning against the piano while waiting for you to arrive.

Professor Lau sat at the bench, flipping through his sheet music until he found the song he was looking for.

The door slammed open and you stumbled in. “Am I late? I’m sorry, I just heard the news.”

“No, not at all. You’re right on time,” the professor smiled at you. “The situation’s weird, I know but congratulations on getting Ella.”

“Thanks, Professor. That means a lot,” you grinned back.

Dropping your bag by the piano, you swiftly pulled out the script. You glanced at Jaehyun’s opened book for the page number before hastily flipping through the pages. Jaehyun nudged your side. “Hey, Forky.”

“Hey yourself,” you elbowed him back, biting your bottom lip.

“Congrats, bubs. You did it,” he pulled you into a side hug before ruffling your hair with pride. You had finally gotten a part you wanted. It was your time to shine. As your best friend for many years, Jaehyun had been waiting for the day you could show the crowds your full potential.

“Did I really do it or did your girlfriend just get injured? How is she, by the way?”

As much as you tried to play the overdramatic, conceited girl, you never believed in yourself but Jaehyun always did. You deserve the spotlight; your talent was out of this world and the masses were finally granted a chance to see you for what you were— a star.

“You did this. You were made for this part as much as she was,” Jaehyun reassured his best friend with a smile. He tapped your nose. “And she’s not my girlfriend but she’s doing alright. Just in a little bit of pain. I’m going to see her after we finish.”

“Give her some well wishes for me,” you answered. Jaehyun didn’t notice your smile dropping into a small frown.

“You ready to act like you’re in love with me?”

“I was born ready, you doof.” There was something weird in your voice when those words left your lips but Jaehyun didn’t have time to process it.

Professor Lau guided the students through a series of warm-ups before asking, “Shall we start with Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful today? We’ll do a couple of run-throughs before Jaehyun teaches you the blocking.” His fingers played the beginning notes of the song, the light melody drifting to their ears.

Already off book at this point, Jaehyun closed his eyes and began to sing.

Do I love you because you’re beautiful? Or are you beautiful because I love you?

Am I making believe I see in you A girl too lovely to be really true?

Do I want you because you’re wonderful? Or are you wonderful because I want you?

Are you the sweet invention of a lover’s dream? Or are you really as wonderful as you seem?

When his eyes fluttered open, Jaehyun found himself facing you with a script in hand. Your face wore the softest look as you stared back at him. His breath almost caught in his throat at the gentle smile you wore. You played the part differently from Naeun and it was a refreshing sight to behold. You were playing a confused peasant but your eyes still sparkled with the gleam of a thousand suns.

There was a flush of heat that started from his cheeks and extended to his reddening ears. His heart was doing its best to break out of his ribcage and the star of the show wasn’t sure if his chest could keep it in for very much longer.

When singing with him, Naeun was a pretty princess.

But when he sang with you, the girl in front of him? Jaehyun thought you were absolutely breathtaking.

Two hours later, we were finally free of rehearsals. My first rehearsal as Ella. My throat was a bit parched from all the singing and projecting I was doing but I felt lighter than air. Singing with Jaehyun made me feel lighter than air. I was weightless, nothing could hold me down.

“Forky, you’re really good,” he said to me as we walked to our cars. I tried to fight the sudden heat making its way to my face. Lately, compliments from him were hard to come by.

It was already late when O’Hare and Lau finally let us out, the moon sitting high in the sky. The night breeze crept its way into my thin jacket, causing me to hug myself to retain some warmth. Noticing my struggle with the cold, Jaehyun quickly draped his jacket over my shoulders. I was immediately hit with his familiar scent, it was almost overwhelming. I should be used to this, his action of sharing his clothes with me was nothing new but I was weak. It affected me every single time. I guess I was that head over heels for him.

Head over glass heels, one could even say.

“You’ve seen me in action before and I mean, I was chosen to be the understudy for a reason,” I gave him a shrug.

“Yeah but I’ve never seen you act and sing like that. Just...wow.” Stealing a glance at him, Jaehyun almost looked enamored with me. He was giving me a look that was usually reserved for someone else. I felt my heartbeat pick up in my chest and flutters in my stomach.

“Stop that,” I blushed, pinching his skin through the thin material of his long-sleeved shirt. A satisfying buzz ran through my body. Was he really looking at me like that? I was probably reading too much into it.

“No, but it seemed so real. Like you weren’t pretending.”

“That’s because I wasn’t,” I whispered under my breath as we arrived at our cars.

“Hmm, you say something?” Jaehyun asked, leaning closer to hear me.

Shaking my feelings away, I ignored the dull ache in my chest and acted through the tears I was desperately holding in. I wrinkled my nose at him playfully, secretly pushing the pain down my throat. “You really don’t listen to a word I say, do you, Jae? I said, I’ll see you later.”

“See ya, Forky! Get home safely!”

Scoffing to myself, I realized how much of a great actor I was. I deserved an Oscar or a Tony for the scenes I played out, the ones where I pretended to be okay when I was far from it.

What award do you ask? Best Actress in a Supporting Role— the best friend to Jung Jaehyun but never the love of his life.

Wardrobe fittings for productions were always an exciting day for the whole cast and crew. It was one step closer to putting on a show. Jaehyun was already dressed in one of his many costumes, a white suit with golden trimmings. It fit him for the most part, only tiny adjustments were needed. Members of the wardrobe department quickly pinned his neatly pressed jacket before taking it off his hands. Since he was the main character, Jaehyun was one of the first ones done. He was simply waiting for you to come out in your first dress— the white gown for the ball scene in Act One.

When you finally did all those minutes ago, Jaehyun swore his heart stopped.

Ten minutes ago, Jaehyun saw his best friend walk through the curtains. Your face was bare, hair still in that lazy style you always sported but your clothes. The comfy clothing you usually rehearsed in was gone and replaced by a beautiful ball gown. Despite the pins that scattered throughout the material to fit your form, it still appeared majestic. There you were, standing before him and the rest of the cast, and you were the loveliest you had ever been.

Ten minutes ago, you walked in and his head was reeling. Time slowed down as you tentatively made your way towards him. You did not meet his eyes but Jaehyun was dying to catch your gaze. He never wanted to let you out of his sight. The picture of his best friend in white was something he wanted to treasure and suddenly, the slowness around him stopped. The cast’s cheers and squeals disappeared. There was only you in that beautiful ball gown.

Was this the slow-motion moment you always talked about? The one you always dreamed about experiencing? Jaehyun could see why people thought it to be magic. It was almost like a movie, movie magic if you will.

Another look at you and then Jaehyun was in the future, watching you make her way down the aisle. A thin veil covered your face and he was so tempted to push it away from concealing your dazzling smile. His heart was fighting its way out of his chest, wanting to head down the path straight to you. How he wanted to reach out and touch you, cradle you in his arms.

You were truly an angel in white. A princess. A queen.

The mere sight of you took him to the skies, the one place he was sure you were from. Although Jaehyun would never admit it, he always thought you to be beautiful. Throughout the many years of being best friends, he would find his gaze subconsciously drifting to you. He would rip it away before you would ever notice him doing so, knowing you would tease the hell out of him for it— it was his own little secret tucked away into the corners of his beating heart.

“How do I look?” Your question snapped him out of his daydream and back to reality. Back down to earth.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“Oh my god, you stupid spoon! I said, how do I look?”

“Lovely,” he answered sincerely, his brown eyes digging into your own. “You look absolutely lovely.”

Ten minutes ago, you simply murmured a question while Jung Jaehyun came to a realization. The realization that he might’ve fallen for you: his Forky, his best friend.

The loveliest girl he had ever seen.

With Cinderella’s opening night being only a few weeks out, you and Jaehyun decided to fit in extra time together to run lines and songs outside of scheduled rehearsals. That was the plan for every weekend and that particular Saturday was no exception to this plan. When his doorbell rang frantically, Jaehyun groaned loudly before getting up to answer the door. Did you always have to be so obnoxious?

Just as the door swung open, your loud voice boomed into his apartment, “‘Sup, ho! Ready to rehearse the hell out of this show or what?”

He stepped aside to let you in and you immediately made yourself comfortable in his humble abode. Jaehyun almost laughed as he watched you. There was a particular routine you stuck to when visiting his place. First, you would take off your shoes, slip on your personal pair of slippers you left at his house, drop your bag on the kitchen counter, and then open his fridge to raid his food supply.

Precisely as Jaehyun predicted, you waddled to the fridge in your memory-foam duck slippers and stole one of his yakults. He loved how comfortable you were in his home. It was truly a heart-warming sight. The act itself was extremely domestic and he quite liked the domesticity when it was with you. That flash of you in a wedding gown came back to him and he blushed at the thought. The idea of spending a future together was flooding his brain recently and he didn’t know what to do.

You weren’t the one he liked. Naeun was but why were you the only person on his mind? Was it wrong to have you in his mind? Naeun wasn’t his girlfriend— they were still getting to know each other. His time with her decreased over time since you had stepped into the role of Ella. He was very fond of you. He always had been. There was this little piece of his heart that was reserved for you but was it because you were his best friend or was it more?

Jaehyun quickly snapped himself out of it.

“First of all, I’m not a ho,” he said before grabbing a yakult of his own. He poked the straw through the foil a bit too harshly, the liquid splashing over the top. Damn his strength— now half of his drink was gone. “Second, stop slut-shaming me for my dating choices. It’s 2021. If I wanted to be a ho, I could be a ho.”

You rolled your eyes as you took a sip of your drink. “God, I hate you sometimes.”

“You need to stop lying to yourself, I know you’re hopelessly in love with me,” Jaehyun said, pointing his drink towards you. He caught you rolling your eyes at his answer.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right. I am irrevocably in love with you, Jung Jaehyun,” you said sarcastically, dramatically batting your eyelashes his way. Your confession, despite being a sarcastic statement, left his heart racing against time.

“Alexa, play Hopelessly Devoted to You!” you yelled ironically.

“Now playing Hopelessly Devoted to You by Olivia Newton-John,” an electronic voice boomed across his living room before the opening notes of the ballad began to play.

“Shit! I forgot you actually had an Echo,” you jumped, not expecting that at all. Jaehyun chuckled at your reaction, loving how easily you scare. He always thought it was one of your cuter traits.

“Alexa, stop!” he called.

Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair. He dragged his feet to his bedroom, knowing you would follow without a word. “I can’t rehearse today, I have to write this damned analysis paper for a class. It’s due in two days.”

“I’m sorry, is that paper more important than your best friend in the entire world?” you pushed from behind him.

“Yes,” he deadpanned, taking a seat at his desk. Jaehyun’s study area was an absolute mess. His notebooks were scattered around the floor, textbooks opened to random pages, and his laptop opened to a google document.

“That’s a motherfucking lie and you know it.”

“I really can’t rehearse now, Forky,” he sighed.

He glared at you as you theatrically fell onto his bed. The notes spread out on his bed flying to the floor. “Oh, woe is me! Jung Jaehyun cannot give me the time of day to rehearse. What am I to do?”

“Why are you like this?”

“I’m a theatre student, I’m wired to be this obnoxious,” you said with a straight face.

He stared at you through narrowed eyes. “I really hate you right now.”

“I know,” you countered with a flat tone. “But in all seriousness, Jaehyun. I won’t take too much of your time. I just wanted to practice our duets a couple of times and then I’ll be out of your hair. Plus, you look like you need a break.”

One look at you and he was a goner. How could he ever say no to his best friend?

“Ugh, fine.”

“Ha, I knew you would cave.”

“Shut up.”

The next hour with you was spent rehearsing the numbers. During the last run-through, Jaehyun suggested going over the blocking and putting their all in it. To act like it was opening night. You swiftly agreed and he played the music from the top.

Jaehyun led you around his room, spinning you across the floor as you sang. The smile on your face was so lovely, he could not take his eyes off your lips. His eyes fluttered to a close and he imagined you in your full costume, downed in your gown, as dainty as a daisy and as graceful as a bird. The thought of you dressed like a princess drove him crazy.

He never thought of Naeun this way. This was different. You were different but why?

Jaehyun opened his eyes to see you smiling so gracefully at him as the song was coming to an end. Just as planned in the show, your gaze flitted to his lips. You leaned closer and he followed, dipping his head to meet you halfway. His heart was skipping to its own beat as he inched down. Your soft lips brushed against his oh-so-gently as he held you in his arms but before the boy could press back, the door to his room swung open.

You broke away from him, shocked at the sudden arrival to see your other friend and Jaehyun’s roommate, Dejun. “Oops, was I interrupting something?”

“I, uh, I gotta go.” Before you could even stop him, Jaehyun grabbed his wallet and phone off his desk and ran out his room.

Confusion clouded his senses. Why did he feel empty after you pulled away? Why did he want to kiss you so badly? It was just a stage kiss.

Was it not?

Jaehyun’s door slammed shut behind him, leaving me and Dejun in his room. It wasn’t long before we heard the front door close, too. “Well, that was something,” Dejun said after his roommate shuffled out of the apartment.

“Shut up, Xiao Dejun,” I replied, smacking his arm.

My friend lifted his arms up in defense before he gave me a pointed stare. “I’m just saying, the two of you looked really into it. It looked great, to be honest with you. No notes to give here— I’m sure O’Hare and Lau would say the same.”

“It’s just acting,” I tried to shrug it off.

“Stop lying to yourself.”

“I’m not!”

“Bulltshit. I saw the way he looked at you— that’s not acting, twerp,” Dejun declared, his voice dropping. His voice never dipped in tone unless he was serious and in that moment, he was dead serious. My friend sounded like a frustrated tutor deliberately explaining a concept for the fifth time and I was the stubborn student who just didn’t understand.

“Yes, yes it is!”

“No, it’s not because that’s how he always looked at you!”

“Lies!” I yelled accusingly, “We got Liza Minnelli over here!”

“God, you’re so annoying sometimes! Why won’t you confess? Cat got your tongue? Nothing’s really stopped your sharp tongue before,” Dejun groaned at my stubbornness. He slapped a hand onto my shoulder. I tried to shrug him off but his grip was too strong. Maybe it was him trying to help me get a grip. Who knew? I honestly didn’t.

“It’s not like I haven’t tried, you know?” An exasperated answer left my lips. I was tired. So ridiculously tired of dealing with these feelings for my best friend. It had been four years since I fell for him. Four years of trying to see other people, four years of trying to confess, and four long years of failing every time. “I just freeze up like a deer in headlights or like you did when you performed that one monologue sophomore year in voice and movement class. Remember that, Jun?”

I felt his sharp glare burning a hole in my back. “You promised to never talk about that moment, you traitor,” he hissed, his hand squeezing the hell out of my shoulder.

“Okay yeah but you get the point, right?” My nails dug into his skin, leaving little indents onto his hand. He yelped, finally jerking his hand back to examine it. Shaking my head, I added, “Plus, he’s my best friend. I just can’t do it!”

“So, what you’re saying is that you choose friendship over the possibility of him loving you?”

“It’s just...I don’t know—” I started, shifting my body to face him, “—choosing friendship means that I’ll only lose love. But if I chose to confess and put my feelings out there, I could lose him as a potential lover and my best friend. I’m not prepared for that. I don’t think I ever will be.”

And there it was again. The self-doubt hit me, imposter syndrome resurfacing at an all time high, bringing me to the lowest of lows.

The feeling of being a fraud, of being not good enough.

For Jaehyun. For any love interest for that matter. For the role of Ella. For taking my place under the spotlight.

“Dejun?”

“Hmm?”

“Am I—am I good enough?”

“For?”

“I—I don’t know—” I stuttered as my mind was consumed by my own crippling thoughts. I tried to stay strong but the crack in my voice gave me away, “—for anything? Everything?”

“Oh, twerp,” Dejun said in that particular voice and then that was when the floodgates opened. The tears just came pouring down with no sign of stopping. My friend gently pulled me into his comforting arms. They were snug and I felt safe but not as safe as I did in Jaehyun’s hold.

“You, my darling, are definitely good enough. Don’t let your thoughts tell you otherwise.” Although his voice was comforting, it did not help the unhinged thoughts running through my brain.

“Then, why does it always hurt when I don’t get the role of the leading lady? Of his leading lady? I always get so far and then, at the end of the day, I’m just not what they’re looking for. What he’s looking for.” Pining for something so unimaginable was too taxing. Having the lead role in a play and having Jung Jaehyun wear his heart on his sleeve just for me.

“Sometimes, the roles aren’t made for you and that’s okay.”

“But what about this one?”

“This one, twerp, this one is a little different.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because there is music in you; it goes hand in hand with Jaehyun, like a melody to his harmony. You are his Ella and he’s your Topher,” Dejun urged. It was like he was begging me to not give up hope.

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m really not. You just gotta do what the theatre gods tell us to do: just trust the process.”

How could I trust the process when all it did was hurt me by allowing me to have a glimpse of a love and a life that would never be mine?

Opening night finally arrived. Everyone was called to the theatre for a full run through in the afternoon: the final dress rehearsal hours before the doors opened and the curtains were drawn. I had gotten there earlier to soak in the calmness of the empty auditorium before the chaos began.

I heard heavy footsteps come from behind me. Even without turning around, I knew it to be Jaehyun. The boy took a seat next to me on the wooden prop walls that were locked into the ground. If the stage managers and props committee saw us, they would’ve definitely ripped our heads off but they weren’t— it was just us.

“Penny for your thoughts, my dear Ella?”

“Topher,” I answered, playing along with his game. “Lovely to see you here bright at early.”

“I knew you would be here and I wanted to be here with you,” he said, pulling me into a side hug. Jaehyun knew me well but did he know me well enough? “Spill it, Forky. What’s wrong?”

“Sometimes I still doubt myself,” I said a little too fast. A loud sigh followed my reveal. The crippling doubt was always there, haunting me. Let me tell you, it was not the best thing in the world to have during an opening for a new production.

“Oh yeah?” Jaehyun asked, pushing me to continue. I felt the soft brush of his palm against my hand. His fingers grabbed hold of my wrist before fighting their way to tangle with my own fingers. The sensation tickled, taking me away from my thoughts for a fraction of a second. I played with his fingers, watching the way his pinkish hand fit with mine.

I refused to look at him; I was too afraid of breaking down.“Doubting myself, my abilities. Always the understudy, never the star, remember?”

Jaehyun hummed. He rested his chin on my shoulder. “Did something change?”

“Yeah, I finally realized that maybe it wasn’t that I wasn’t right for the part; the part wasn’t right for me,” I laughed a bit dryly. “Does that make any sense?”

“Weirdly, yes,” he replied, his breath blowing against my neck. I tried to ignore the tickling sensation and the way it made me feel.

“But this is different— I feel like I was made to play Ella. Made to play her even though I got the part in this odd, unconventional way,” I turned my head to the side to avoid eye contact. “The girl who sees the good in everything despite the hardships and suffering she went through.”

“Without a doubt, I believe that you belong on stage with me,” Jaehyun answered sincerely, “and I’m glad we have the chance to finally play opposites.”

He squeezed my smaller palm in support. I appreciated the reassurance; the action slightly calmed me down before she took the next step. Possibly the biggest step of my entire life. “There’s something else I realized, too.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” Jaehyun asked softly.

Taking a deep breath, I said, “I realized that I could be right for you.”

It took him a minute, a long solid minute before Jaehyun could bring himself to respond to my confession. I wondered what he was thinking at that moment, when those words left my mouth. “Right for me?” came his tentative reply. A quick glimpse at his ears and I saw the burst of red. He was caught off guard, embarrassed.

“Yeah,” I said almost shamefully. Was I ashamed of my feelings? I never was ashamed before. Maybe it was because Jaehyun finally saw me for who I truly was— his highly dramatic best friend that was head over glass heels for him.

“How long— how long have you felt this way?” The red of his ears seeped to his rosy cheeks.

“Ever since we were a dumb pair of utensils,” I replied sincerely, my voice wavering at the truth, “a set of ridiculous tableware.”

There was an awkward chuckle that left his drying lips. I heard him click his tongue, a habit he did when Jaehyun never knew what to say. It seemed like I rendered him speechless. “Since we were sixteen? That long and you didn’t say anything?”

“You’re really asking me that?”

“Yes, I really am!”

“Jaehyun, c’mon. Use your brain! How was I supposed to? You’re my best friend and when you’re not my best friend, you’re out there chasing other girls,” I stopped to lick my drying lips. There was another inkling of silence and I gulped at how tense the atmosphere was. “And I thought maybe once, just once, you would chase after me, too.”

I almost laughed; my greatest desire was finally out in the world and it was greeted by silence.

“But what if I’m wrong for you?”

And there it was. The rejection I was preparing for. Giving him a pained smile that failed to meet my ears, I said, “Then that’s life, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Well, I can’t make you act like you’re in love with me, can I?” I snapped, my pain taking the best of me. It clouded my brain, blocking off all rational thoughts out of my head. “This isn’t a play or a movie with a script, Jaehyun. This is real fucking life.”

Hurt. I was being overwhelmed with a wave of hurt and anguish. My body was trembling as much as my eyes were. I felt them growing wet and I shut them closed. My hands curled into fists, nails digging into my skin. It stung but not as much as being rejected by the one you loved most. The lead of the movie in your mind.

“Wait, no, that’s not what I meant,” Jaehyun tried to stop me from getting off the stage. I pulled away from him, quickly snatching my belongings before heading to the nearest exit. Turning back around before I left the empty auditorium, I experienced another moment in slow-motion.

There Jaehyun was in all his glory— denim jacket slipping over his broad shoulders, dark brown hair sticking up in all directions and a confused look on his face. He looked like a mess under the spotlight of my mind but nevertheless, he was my mess of a best friend.

He was my mess of a best friend and that was all he was going to be. That fact hurt more than being the forever understudy.

Why couldn’t I fast forward this portion of my life? Why must I suffer this much?

Why couldn’t I escape the role of being second best?

If only my life was a movie, then maybe I wouldn’t be everyone’s second choice. His second choice.

If we were in a movie, Jung Jaehyun would be my best friend and my perfect match. Our story would be the typical friends-to-lovers saga that every girl dreams of. It would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack.

Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

After that confrontation, you and Jaehyun were off and not off the charts— just off. The directors noticed it. The stage hands noticed. The cast noticed it. The final run-through before the curtains opened just finished and it was an absolute disaster because of the way you acted with Jaehyun. Every time he opened up his body to you, the response you gave him was closed off. Cold.

To the rest of the cast and crew, the prince and princess didn’t seem very much in love that day— they didn’t even seem friendly. You and Jaehyun seemed like two strangers trying to work their way across a stage. There was no connection. There was nothing else there.

Now, if only you would let Jaehyun talk to you, maybe something would change but you didn’t. You ran away every chance you could. It was like Cinderella, but you didn’t leave a glass slipper behind. You didn’t leave anything behind.

Less than an hour before showtime and he couldn’t even talk to you. Let alone look at you. He sighed into his hand, palms applying pressure to his eyes. Jaehyun cursed under his breath, forgetting that he had a heavy amount of stage makeup on his face. Looking into the mirror, he saw his makeup was still intact. Thank the theatre gods for the Ben Nye Final Seal Setter. It seemed like that it was the only thing set in stone at that moment.

The door to Jaehyun’s dressing room slammed open and Dejun waltzed in, fully dressed in his costume.“Dude, what was up with you and the twerp during that dress rehearsal? You were so off!”

He received no reply, Jaehyun was too zoned out to hear. Dejun hopped onto the counter of Jaehyun’s dresser. Usually, the action would shock the main lead but Jaehyun was too lost in thought.“Well, you know what they say about a bad dress rehearsal. That means we’ll have a good opening night,” Dejun said, eyeing his friend for his lack of response.

Finally looking away from his reflection, Jaehyun glanced up at Dejun with a look of disbelief. “She likes me?”

His friend jumped off the counter with widened eyes.“Oh my god, did she finally confess? Was that why you were acting weird?”

“Dejun, you knew?” Jaehyun slammed his palms on his dresser. The makeup products on the tabletop shook, leaving the other guy to wince at the show of strength.

“Honestly for being the ace of the theatre department, you sure are dumb,” Dejun replied a bit too casually as he leaned into the mirror to examine his appearance. He clicked his tongue upon realizing his cheeks didn’t have enough color. The stage lights would wash him out. The boy reached for Jaehyun’s pink blush and a clean wedge before applying it onto the apples of his cheeks.

“What should I do?”

“Well, Jaehyun, what do you want to do?” Dejun asked, turning side to side to double-check his reflection.

“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you!” Jaehyun fired back with vigor, hating how casual his best friend was acting. He was having a before-show crisis and his best friend was calmly stealing his bottle of Ben Nye, spraying his beautifully sculpted face with the setting spray.

“Well, do you like her more than a friend? And what about Naeun?”

“Yes? No? I don’t know! But—”

“But?” His friend asked before hopping onto the countertop. The actor raised his perfectly shaped eyebrows at his friend and Jaehyun had the sudden urge to pluck the beauties they were until Dejun had no eyebrow hair left. When Jaehyun didn’t reply, Dejun repeated his question.

Dropping his head in his hands, Jaehyun hesitantly replied, “There was this moment when I saw her and it was like that thing she always said? The slo-mo thing?”

Dejun’s head perked up. “You saw her in slow motion?”

“Yeah, it was like time stopped. All I saw was her and then…” Jaehyun thought back to seeing you in a wedding dress. He changed his mind; he didn’t want to talk about his feelings. All he wanted to do was make sure opening night ran as smoothly as possible. Grabbing his white suit jacket for the top of Act One, the boy stood up in an attempt to escape his friend’s sudden peak in curiosity. “Never mind, this is ridiculous. I gotta go, Dejun.”

“No, you’re not going anywhere until you actually confront your damn feelings,” Dejun said, shoving his friend back in his chair. “Do you like Naeun?”

There was a pause before he answered truthfully: “Yes.”

“Okay, and are your feelings for Naeun stronger than what you have for your best friend?”

“No,” Jaehyun released another sigh as he leaned back in his chair. A hand reached up to brush through his hair before he remembered that it was gelled back in place. He dropped his hand to rub the back of his neck, not wanting to mess with his looks before places. “I was infatuated with Naeun but with her, god, she’s something else and it took me this long to realize it.”

“How do I know you’re not just saying that?” Dejun questioned, squeezing his friend’s shoulders a bit too tightly. Jaehyun thought his friend was testing him and for a good reason. If he was in Dejun’s position, Jaehyun would’ve grilled his friend, too. “How do I know you’re actually in love with her? Yes, you’re my roommate and best friend but she’s my best friend, too. I can’t let you hurt her if all you feel is something temporary. I can’t let you treat her like those other girls.”

“Because she’s The One, Dejun. I’m certain of it,” Jaehyun snapped back. “When I look at her, I see everything I’ve been searching for. It’s like I was blind for the longest time, you know? She was always just Forky to me back when I didn’t know any better. But now I see and all I see is her— her, with all her flaws. The way she hides her insecurities with her dramatic outbursts. How she picks at her cuticles when she’s nervous or how she always steals my food at home. And the way she just fits with me. I can’t explain it.”

Jaehyun didn’t even give his friend a chance to butt in. He was still rambling on with a fond smile, his mouth running a mile. “She’s been there with me since the beginning, Jun. Before I was this prince of the theatre department, she was there. She’s been there since the beginning and even when I was chasing after girls, she was there at the middle of it all, and fuck, I want to go all the way to the end with her.”

Dejun released his hold on his friend and rolled his eyes. The boy made his way to the door of the dressing room before mumbling under his breath, “God, what is with you two and giving out monologues? I swear, when this is all over, you should become playwrights.”

“What?”

“Never mind me, Jaehyun,” Dejun opened the door and gestured for Jaehyun to follow the path— the path down the hall that led to you. “What are you waiting for? Go get her, we have 30 until Joohyun calls for places!”

“Dejun, it’s much more complicated than that.”

“It’s only as complicated as you make it out to be. Just— just go and talk to her, yeah?”

Jaehyun sighed deeply as he reached your dressing room door. He knocked lightly, running through the lines he wanted to say in his head before you shouted a faint “come in.” The door squeaked open to reveal you, his best friend in the whole entire world, touching up your makeup. The best friend that he was inescapably in love with. You watched him through the mirror as he leaned against the frame with crossed arms.

“Can we talk after the show? There’s something I need to tell you— it’s important. I don’t think I—um, I have enough time to tell you now,” Jaehyun asked, stuttering through his words. Gone was the confidence he usually bared. The only thing left in him was a scared little boy, afraid of the problem his words may cause.

The smile he received from you did not reach your ears. “Of course,” you replied curtly before turning away from him. He noted how you were over applying your blush and fidgeting with your costume. You were doing everything in your power to avoid him.

The tugging of your ear, the biting of your lip, the picking of your cuticles. He saw all your bad habits. You were a ball of nerves and the speaker announced it was ten minutes before places.

“Hey, Forky?”

“Yes, Jaehyun?”

“You know that I believe in you, right? Always?”

There was a twitch at the corner of your lips. “I do.”

“Good,” Jaehyun approached you with caution. You watched him from your mirror, never making direct eye contact as he came closer. He dropped a kiss on the crown on your head, relishing in the way his plush lips against your torn bandana and the lace front wig. “Break a leg, my Ella.”

He observed you through your reflection and took in how beautiful you looked in your rags. You made the rags the costume department designed for you look like riches.

“Same goes to you, my prince,” he heard you answer in that soft tone. Again, you had sent him to the skies and the boy was struggling to find his way back down.

When it was time to draw the curtains and light the lights for the first performance of Cinderella, it seemed like everything fell into place. Jaehyun stared at you across the stage, falling for the way the lights illuminated your figure in that white ball gown. The bright glow brought his attention to your bright grin, that beautiful and radiant smile of yours, that shocked him to his core.

Jaehyun locked eyes with you and suddenly, he was drowning. He was drowning in your expressive eyes. He was drowning in your overflowing love.

It was different being across from you in front of a full audience. There was a rush that took over him whenever he saw you and it beat the flurries his heart experienced with his other leading ladies. As you said your lines with that bewitching sparkle in your eye, Jaehyun hated himself for not realizing how much he loved you sooner or how you were never playing pretend.

But that was okay because Jung Jaehyun loved you now. He loved you in the world you made believe on stage, where he was Prince Topher and you were his Ella, and he loved you in reality where you would always be the fork to his spoon.

Opening night went smoothly and the roaring applause I received during my final bow sent me to the moon. The way Jaehyun looked at me across the stage with eyes filled with pride and joy blasted me to places I had never been before. I became high on this feeling of being under the burning spotlights. The feeling of wearing the most intricate costume and the way his hand slid into mine for the last bow before the curtains were drawn; it was something I wanted to treasure for the rest of my life.

But with every high came a low— my low hit me when I ran into Jaehyun’s dressing room. I caught him in an embrace with Naeun who gifted my best friend with a rose. She placed a kiss on his cheek, causing his white ears to flush a deep red that rivaled the flower he held. The girl gave him a quick shove of the shoulder before heading to me.

Her congratulatory statement went in one ear and out the other. I could barely process Naeun handing me a rose of my own before she walked out of the room, the sweet scent of her perfume lingering in her wake. She gave my best friend one more lingering look as she left and it hurt me in so many ways.

“Ready to go?” Jaehyun said, clearing his throat. “Wanna stop by the stage first? Soak in your first opening night as a lead?”

“Why the hell not?” The walk back to the stage was short. It felt different somehow.

“We did it,” I whispered.

“That we did,” he answered back.

We walked onto the stage together and I could still hear the crowds cheering for me, giving me the standing ovation I earned. It was electrifying, the way the sparks ran through my body. It ran from the top of my head to the tips of my fingers and toes.

Glancing around the empty auditorium, I pondered aloud, “But do you know what sucks about it all, Jaehyun?”

“What?”

“There’s nothing worse than the feeling of not being chosen and it still hurts that I wasn’t the first choice,” I replied truthfully, “Not as much as before. But I’m learning to get over it. The casting directors saw potential in me.”

“That’s because you do have the potential to be a star. You’re practically glowing right now.” I felt his eyes trained on me, just like they were the entire time we shared the stage.

Turning abruptly to face him, I said, “You really can’t say that to me, you know?”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it makes my heart beat against my chest and these stupid butterflies come around before I remember that you have never chosen me to be your first choice,” I glared.

“But I do choose you,” Jaehyun pushed, his voice laced with desperation, “That’s what I was trying to tell you before you stormed off on me earlier!”

“Are you really choosing me, Jaehyun? The real me? The me that has been your best friend for years? Or are you choosing the me that shares a stage with you every night? The me that could potentially be your next whirlwind romance?” No matter how desperate he sounded, he couldn’t beat the hopelessness that was dripping from my own voice.

“No, that’s not it at all!” his voice boomed, the sound echoing throughout the empty auditorium.

“Then, what is it, Jung Jaehyun? Because I am tired of being second best and I’m tired of not being chosen,” I almost cried. The anguish was just taking over my body and I couldn’t make it stop. “Yes, I know some parts are not right for me but I can’t help but be hurt. And then you say that you’re choosing me? Of course, I’m going to think of it being because I’m your newest love interest on stage.”

“If you could just listen—”

Unable to stop the words from coming out, I just kept running off at the mouth. Everything I wanted to say to Jaehyun was flying out of my lips at rapid speed; I couldn’t even stop it. “I have seen you in slow motion so many times and I want to just fast forward from those moments. To speed past them so I can move on from the idea of not being yours. I refuse to be a temporary love that you lose interest in. I just want you to pick me, to choose me, and to love me, damn it— is that too fucking much to ask for? To be chosen and loved?”

While I was taking a breath to continue with my rant, Jaehyun cut me off and the words he said rattled the stage, the ground beneath my feet, and my whole entire world.“No, it’s not and you are way fucking more than that, if you just take a moment out of your godforsaken monologue and listen to me! I choose you not because you’re my leading lady but because you’re you. You’ve always been this— this incredible, breathtaking you.”

He took one step closer and I took one step back. “And you’ve the person at my side when no one else is.”

Every single time I would retreat, Jaehyun would follow. The boy was persistent, his brown eyes trained on me. “The one who figured out you loved me first while I was too blind to see it. You’re the fork to my spoon. We’re a set, we go together. And I was too dumb to figure out that at the end of the day, I always think about you and how no one I’ve ever been with compares to you.”

When my back hit the wall, I was trapped. Trapped in between his arms and the way they propped themselves on either side of my face. Trapped in the haze of his brown eyes and how they dug deep into my soul.

“I don’t see you in slow motion— I see you in fast forward. I see you in the future, my future, walking down the aisle in white and I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. All I know is that I choose you. I will always choose you.”

I was trapped by Jung Jaehyun and there was no escape for me. Judging by the way his eyes never let me out of his sight, there was a chance my friend didn’t want to let me go either. He wanted me to stay.

“Jaehyun, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you. You’re my beginning, middle, and my end.”

“You love me? Like you’re in love with me?” Jaehyun heard you ask, like the possibility of being loved by him was so impossible. You were searching for any inkling of doubt but he made sure you couldn’t find any because you were the only thing he could see.

Jaehyun brought a hand near your cheek. It hovered there as he hesitated to touch it to your skin until you leaned into his touch. Your cheek felt so warm in his palm and it was so comforting to have you in his hold. “I wanted to say it earlier but I was just so scared of losing you as both a lover and a friend because what if it all goes to shit? What if we go to shit and things hit the fan? I can’t lose you.”

“But you, Jung Jaehyun, are in love with me?” you repeated as your hand cupped his own. The smile you gave him was bright enough to light up the stage.

“Yeah, I thought I made that clear. I’m sorry, did I mumble that line?” he teased playfully, trying to coerce a giggle out of you. “Should I start the scene over?”

“No, no. I’m just—” you paused and he watched you recollect your thoughts. His glittering brown eyes were trained on you as the words processed in your head. “You love me,” you laughed in disbelief.

Jaehyun took a step closer, his hand tentatively reaching out to stroke your face. He sighed in relief as you relaxed into his touch. “You’re my number one girl. I choose you.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that even after all this time, I’ve always chosen you, too.”

Once those words left your lips, he couldn’t hold himself back. Wrapping his arms around your waist, Jaehyun pulled you against his chest and smashed his lips against yours. Yes, he had kissed you on multiple occasions prior to this— onstage and off— but this time was different than the rest.

This was the first time he really kissed you after your feelings were out in the open.

The first time he kissed you and finally felt the love you harbored for so many years. Jaehyun just hoped you could sense the love he was pouring out for you, too.

He did not want to let you go but he was struggling to breathe. You were so lovely, everything about you was so incredibly lovely, and to have you in his arms was the best feeling in the universe. Everything around him turned dark and he felt the warmth of a spotlight and the flush of your body against him. The entire world was spinning beneath his feet, his heart racing, and his lips chasing you and only you.

Jaehyun did not understand why people did drugs— the high of being so ardently in love with another person, with you, gave him the high that he needed.

He felt you hit his chest in an attempt to end the kiss but Jaehyun did not want to stop. A light shove to his shoulders was enough to separate his lips from yours and what a sight you were— chest panting heavily for air, lips plumped and swollen, and the prettiest set of eyes widened in shock.

“You kissed me!” you said in between pants. “Like not a stage kiss but you actually kissed me!”

“That I did, love,” Jaehyun replied cheekily, taking another step towards you. You stepped back to lean against the wall but did nothing to stop him from coming forward. “Are you gonna do something about it?”

The look in your eyes changed after you heard his new nickname for you. It was coy. Flirty. Challenging. “Do it again, I dare you,” you whispered a bit too loudly.

Before Jaehyun closed the distance, his eyebrow perked up at the challenge. “Gladly.”

Senior year was there before we knew it.

Another year, another posting day.

Dejun, Jaehyun, and I swiftly made our way down the hall to the front of the theatre department, curious to find out which roles we were given. The spring production and the final musical of our college career was Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.

Callbacks for Belle went as smooth as ever— the chemistry between Jaehyun and I were off the charts. But why wouldn’t they be? We were together now.

Just like any other time, the crowds gathering around the cast list and bulletin board parted immediately once they caught a glimpse of Jaehyun approaching. The only difference was that this time, he was tightly clutching my hand.

When we arrived in front of the board, I shut my eyes before I could read the cast list. An anxious buzz flowed through my veins, tickling the tips of my fingers and toes. My boyfriend must’ve felt the twitching of my fingers or the sweat dripping off my palms.

I felt his body shift towards me. “Want me to take a peek first, love?” Jaehyun asked as he pressed his plump lips onto the crown of my head. He nuzzled his nose into my hair, a small but sweet action that always comforted me.

Shaking my head, I looked at him and said, “No, why don’t we look together?”

“On three?” he grinned lovingly.

“On three, you dumb spoon.”

The countdown was quick but the glance I took at the cast list was even quicker. It was so quick, I almost didn’t catch who was put into the role of Belle. Taking a double take, I let go of Jaehyun’s hand as my eyes zeroed in onto the tiny print.

Everything around me came to a stop as I read and re-read the cast list. Everyone around me was celebrating their parts but I couldn’t hear them, they were all muted in my mind. All I could hear was the sound of my own breaths and all I could see my name on the top of the page.

Belle……………..Y/N The Beast……..Jung Jaehyun

“Oh my god, I got the part,” I whispered to no one in particular. Backing away from the board, I repeated the same words a little louder and it got the attention of everyone surrounding me. Before I knew it, everyone threw a congratulations my way. The cheers were loud and obnoxious but they were for me because I did it. I finally did it.

Feeling a little overwhelmed, I backed away from the blustering crowd before bumping into my boyfriend’s firm chest. Jaehyun caught me in his hold, his arms circling around my waist. He dropped his chin on my shoulder and placed a tender kiss on my temple. “Would you look at that? We’re not a ridiculous set of tableware this time.”

“No disrespect to those parts, they were awesome, but I think I like this a lot more,” I giggled, turning in his hold.

As I circled my arms around his neck, he whispered, “Same here.”

I yanked him down into an earth-shattering kiss that sent the world spinning beneath my feet. It slowed down, speeded up, and it did everything in between. I saw flashes of yellow ball gowns, royal blue coats, and Jaehyun smiling at me gracefully across the stage.

Jaehyun staring me down from the other end of an altar.

I saw it all.

If my life was a movie, then this would be the time that the screen would fade to black and show the names. Some overly poppy song would resonate through the speakers and everyone would get up from their seats and gush over the happy ending.

But it wasn’t. My life was as real as it could be and it was even better than any romantic-comedy that would ever grace the screen.

This wasn’t the ending.

This was the perfect beginning.

AUTHOR’S NOTE. hello, my darling readers! you really didn’t have to wait that long for this release, did you? a big thank you to several people: @johtenrecs for always being my beta and for the helpful feedback, to my chaotic gc ( @smoll-tangerine, @ppangjae, @jaedore, and @jeongvision) for listening to me complain about how i was losing it while writing this fic, to @suhpressed for helping me with brainstorm, and lastly, to my lovely @notnctu bc without her and our crazy idea of hosting a hannah montana collab, i wouldn’t have gotten this idea! love y’all! hope you enjoyed this and please leave feedback! uwu

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