#without seeming weird tho
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When I read a fanfic I like, the author becomes a mini celebrity to me. So when an author with a work I like kudos’ or comments on my own fanfic I just-
#ao3#fanfiction#fanfic#just fanfic things#just fanfiction things#i want to scream and cry#and hug them#without seeming weird tho#archive of our own
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more practice
#riddlebat#edward nashton#fanart#b&w#comic#i really like making these practice pages#i imagined this as a 2-page spread#although i think the lamp post would get eaten by the binding if it were printed lmao#yknow im thinking about trying to adapt a fic into a comic... not sure which one tho#and itd take be a good long while i think but like i said this is fun for me to do so idk#ill think about it some more#ah also the bg has a csp asset of a building#everything else is by me but it feels kinda weird to not disclose that asset#its free for use so i just plopped it in bc like....im not about to burn my brain with that much perspective thats gonna end up covered#oh i also drew over a clouds asset i found in the program too#the resolution was not great but i liked the placement when i tried it out so i used the asset as a guide#again i know theyre free to use but idk i dont want to make it seem like i claim to have done it without those tools#anyway...thank you for reading and have a nice day¡¡
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swap beastly and neyeon :3
So I like the neyeon doodle much more than the beastly one, but art hard and I can’t entirely conceptualize beastly as a normal guy, since he was made to have mutations, but um… beastly is. Cat hardware dog software, he’s mcfucking comfies!! Important for u to imagine him with the zoomies and nobody gets hurt about it. He’s so fucking sillies!!! Head empty! Not a thing behind those eyes!!! Just love!!! Probably annoys his lusus but he’s soooo cute so it’s fine :P
Neyeon on the other hand um. Is less fortunate. Ethann pt 2 but like fr. They don’t develop as many visible mutations as desired, so. The doc kind of works on trying to see which ones didn’t fully develop and if they could be made to function anyhow. Like the separate jaw bones but one lower lip, that gets. Rectified. Neyeon is Unhappy about this and is in the Grumpy club with Ethann abt it. Is a little sillies w their siblings tho :3 tries to cheer them up where they can bc like. It’s not their fault they’re experiments! …They don’t get to do field trips like beastly tho. They’re actively hostile to the scientists. They’d slowly have more of their animal traits showing over time, but it’s a slow process, and by the time that gets noticed, they’re already in a (more) experimental category.
#doodles#bloodline swap#beastly is no thoughts head empty heart full of love no matter what. dudes Gonna get taken advantage of without the scary and also the evil#scientist and also malicious cat sibling looking out for him. he’s baby boy tho. pats his head. large fucking kitty boy. throws a yarn ball#and he goes sprinting after running in a place like scooby doo. I love him#neyeon unfortunately doesn’t get the goodboy privelages tho so the lab kinda sucks for them. on top of. goop baby made with a purpose that#doesn’t seem to be filling that purpose. where’s the weird? where’s the scary?? (they do keep killing people so the lab requires much highe#security abt it. due to the. murder. also they’re talking their siblings into also misbehaving. at best they get everyone out and all these#mutants r like. ok fuck. what now. at worst um. gestures vaguely. they wouldn’t be the first experiment to get taken out of the way for#causing too many problems. they’d probs get declawed first but still.#bad situation to be in beastly is just too head empty and :) to notice
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“think abt smth besides v3!au” no
#gideon shut the hell up challenge#would love to think abt canon fawn but unfortunately there’s nothing to think abt there so.#we still can’t figure out how to write a big thing abt the fawnchen stuff but. since we’ve been thinking in general.#fawnchen sitting together at the memorial/funeral… the ortegas try to coax fawn into sitting in a seat between them but fawn is still too#emotional in v negative ways (angry at them; blames them; hates them) to consider it so they sit on the end of a row and next to chen#there is a lot of dialogue in mind abt him asking if they’ve talked to the ortegas yet and asking if they blame him [implied: the same way#that they’re blaming the twins/hb/themself] and fawn says that he wasn’t in the room [so he couldn’t have stopped anything] and he asks#again if they blame him [for not being there to help in the first place]#+ way later (read: autopsy photo time) fawn noting that chen seems to be treating them differently? he’s notably trying Not to but he’s#being weird enough that it draws attention to itself. v soon after he is ofc injured and argent joins the rangers and fawn is like#oh I get it…. he was worried abt how I’d get along w someone New joining. kinda fucked up he doesn’t trust me but it’s fine#would love to say they’d still get along but honestly without the villainy from fawn they’d probs be like neutral-positive @ each other#+ obvs even later than that is when herald joins the team and eww can you imagine what a complicated nightmare that is for fawn#on one hand. new hero!! his brain is super open and he’s nice and wants to get along w you!! on the other hand. he’s a Fan of yours and#probs only hesitates to bring up ur dead brothers (bc they were Also his icons) bc he has been trained by both ortegas to NOT!!! do that#I think they’d honestly still get along tho :) maybe if he catches them in a good enough mood he can get some brothers lore from them
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.
#currently thinking about if. once i finally go full nc with a certain family member#to just quietly 'disappear' like just keep things like they are rn just without the yearly email and such#or to full on burn all my bridges and give them a (written) piece of my mind#unfortunately i cant guarantee that i wont see them again ever so idk. but its awkward enough rn and idc if they like me or not#tho tbh like. i dont wanna get into the psych side of this but it seems weird to think about. i never got the impression that this person#ever genuinely liked or cared about someone else. seems...off somehow. idk if they are able to#txt#sorry for the downer ig. im having a bad time and spiteful fantasies are keeping me sane
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nearly twelve in the night and im having som Emotions about wash&lina ;__;
#the rookie who always always felt subpar and insufficient and lackluster compared to the rest of them#the protégé who try as she might could never Ever get the right sort of acknowledgment and attention and care from her father that#she likely desperately needed but had gone so long without that it doesnt even feel worth it to dwell on anymore#the perfectionism the cocky attitude the arrogance. perfact flawless carolina until she Wasnt until she took backseat Again to#her father's grief and obsession and fixation on her long dead mother. literally competing with her mothers shadow for her fathers#praise and approval and care. the 'youve given me everything. id do anything for you' but has he? did he? did he do it For Her or did she#just rationalize that. no but. wash so low on the alpha squad totem pole the worst member of the team the rookie fuckup even tho#like. he wasnt?? but thats the way it seemed thats how people talked to him. never ever good enough.#and epsilon!! finally finally the context the level playing feild the understanding that yeah okay maybe the gap isnt so terribly wide#the last two left and the vengence wasnt sweet and justice wasnt really served and theyll never get their friends back#the last two remnants of the project and epsilon there to tie them together and then even! even eventually epsilon is gone!#friends partners allies siblings weird messy all consuming loving one another. everything and anything bc what else is there! who Else is#there that could ever possibly come close to understanding#fuck! jfc ;__;#rvb nonsense
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tell me why i had a dream the other night that i had an affair with matty healy when i have not thought about that man for more than two minutes in my life
#i saw him live like pretty close to the stage (small venue) as a teenager and i still know shit all about him#and i have never fantasised about him even once#and yet in my dream i like. borrowed his skirt (??) and he saved me from danger and i hid out at his house#and we had a Thing and then some girls told me he was bad news but i was like. he seems different than u think#and i started to accidentally fall in love with him and we weren’t communicating about anything#just having rly intense nights with his friends and family and alone while i hid out at his house#and i rode on the back of his motorcycle#and like suddenly was In His Celebrity Life without meaning to be. and i was on my way to his concert to wait backstage and he’d like#kind of been ignoring me for a day or two? being weird and distant even tho i was in his house. and i was rly confused#and this girl told me he had commitment issues and i was like ok#and all of them were rly sad that he stopped calling them and i was like ‘i’m not rly a part of this group i wasn’t even a fan rly’#’this happened accidentally why do i feel so confused rn’#why did i have such a complicated dream about this man I Don’t Even Know Him
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There are SO many things where once I was like. Mm. I dont know if I like that. I dont know if I want that around. And then time went by and I was around it more and then I got a direct positive example and then I did some self discovery and then it's like ah. I am one of those actually.
#the babyfurs make me uncomfortable to being one pipeline happened so so fast#the otherkin sounds weird to being one pipeline actually began bc i followed someone here who like would routinely rail against them#i followed this person for years but i unfollowed bc it just seemed so mean? then i met one. now i am one#if younger me could see me now theyd be like bro what are you doing but then id explain it all to them and then theyd be like oh ok#this is why even tho community boundaries in a healthy way are important literally never SEEING anyone of a category you dont understand#is like. counter productive#understanding leads to comfort which can lead to recognition#starting to refrain from judgment has made my life so much better lol i have no idea where id be without 'freaks'
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sometimes i feel like my weird struggles with art are like nerfs the universe gives me so that i don't become too powerful...
#if i start with line drawings i cannot color it without it looking weird#can only do full color if i start with colors for some reason...? this is such a stupid problem but it slows down the process so much#anyway i feel particularly energized today and i wanna see if i can spend almost the whole day just making art#wanna study painting skin again bc i cant seem to get down how i used to do it + maybe that fan art style thing too#very >.< might need my ritalin for this tho...
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sonic characters i hc as aro/ace: all of them
nonono, dont you see? all characters are aspec
I adore egg-emperor's hc of Eggman being aroallo, for example
#ask#Anonymous#i hc sonic and shadow as both amorous and aroace#Shadow as loveless bc i recently learned about big cool aspec labels like apl#i could totally see Shadow as aplatonic. he seems like the type#aside from that tho. i guess i j cant imagine any of the other sonic characters in a relationship aside from a select few#most are fine without em. it feels weird to see characters like Tails or Knuckles partner up for instance#Blaze as well....#im not a big representation person i find. its nice to have but i care more about characters being complex and three dimensional#and how relationships characters and dynamics tie in to the narrative at whole#than abt characters who fit a particular label or group#youll get me more into a series if you tell me what its about first. then tell me abt rep#that time and again problem of j saying 'oh its got lesbians in it! and characters with they/them pronouns!'#when im more intrigued by the part about the demons#tho maybe its because im utterly disinterested in romance plots. which is 7/8ths of all lgbt rep#i dont even like platonic or queerplatonic relationship plots at this point. which limits my options in lgbt works dramatically#ok wait i forgot where i was going with this#in my restless dreams. i see that beast. Amatonormativity#seriously whys it so difficult to get characters who are nonpartnering. esp lgbt ones
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:/
#phone call with my dad for the first time since ...#middle of february#before all this medical stuff#feels weird to be all like 'yeah im fine no news' when y'know#i mean. i still have hope that i will be sorted somehow soon y'know#and i am overall basically fine#i am no longer wobbly with headacheness and back pain and emotions#i just. am still bleeding. which while very un-optimal. very. is also just kinda normal now. i guess.#bad-normal but still normal#do you know what i mean im not sure i do#anyway the doctor who seemed to think this was normal and fine cs of the birth control i was on#he said 'might last 6 months'#which is a bit nightmare-y without knowing the exact cause#but also i figure im almost halfway through that now#even tho none of the pills have worked and we are not thinking about the appt on the 24th#it might still just be weird shit caused by birth control stuff#so im trying not to worry#and there's no use worrying my dad neither
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on one hand its really cool to see disabled rep where their illness and how people treat them with their illness turns them angry and bitter and perhaps even do a couple war crimes about it because having chronic health problems can seriously affect mental health like that and its a relief to see that in characters like me, on the other hand this shit really doesn't help the idea that my illness makes me worth less as a human being
#negative#this isnt a vent this is just like late night thoufhts on representation#i mean. im gonna queue this so its no longer late night when it posts but at time of writing its uhhhhhhhhh almost 6 am#anyways this post is about mera epithet erased and viktor arcane#*points* they are so much like me. they really have properly respented the frustration and heartbreak of living with a chronic illness#but with characters like mera its like. oh that rage makes us evil huh#its just weird! it feels so validating to me while at the same time feeling kind of off#viktor was pretty good tho hes not evil he just seems like. like a guy. hes done unethical science but also id trust him with my life#it just seems hard to find that balance of letting their health affect them while also not treating all people with chronic illness as evil#not for me tho my ocs are so good (and by so good i mean catering to my ideas of good disabled rep for me specifically)#basically the point of this post is can we let chronically ill characters be angry and grieve the loss of their health without being#treated like monsters or something#i dunno if i need to tag this for any filters or anything feel free to let me know#this has been willows tumblr journal cause i was too lazy to grab my actual one goodnight
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(don't have to respond i just wanted to ramble somewhere) AUGHHHHHHHHHH YAKUZA FIVE. that game...that game is so good....the twists...the mystery...the taxi driving..*head in hands* the emotions torn from me...baba...rooftop daigo multiple times...what a banger game it so lovely its so incredible its sooooo long too so much content i've consumed in the past week ahh so lovely..i wish i could wipe my mind and play it for the first time again oh my word the fights were enjoyable (minus kanai i dont liek him.) WATASE. wow <3 i love this game i need to absorb this game i need to become this game there will never be another like this game i think it should be framed in a hall of fame for best game ever created *sniffle sob* y5...my darling darling rpg... it's tied itself as favourite game with y3 wow i need to play both of them at the same time for 100+ hours a day i will create more hours in a day to play for 100+ hours a day
ngl when i first got through Y5, it was. An Experience
BUT IN REVIEW it really is such a lovely game- kiryu's taxi segment is definitely one of the higher points for me lest i forget shinada's entire existence :)
#snap chats#oh i KNOW you said not to respond but i'd feel weird deleting this or just posting it without commentary#ive come to respect Y5 for what it was and again its not like i didnt have fun playing it either#my main gripes are just saejima's city segment and the difficulty with haruka's story- or lack thereof#and nerfing akiyama was kinndaaaaa lame#BUT the game was still enjoyable#it was fun being able to explore new cities with kiryu and shinada#and i liked how akiyama and haruka got to have a friendship#i mean aizawa being the twist antagonist was. ok cringe we can agree on that please#but kiryu crawling through the snow just to get to haruka was a powerful scene i enjoyed#i remember people saying kiryu shouldve actually died there anad lowkey. kinda agree#idk maybe its just cause at that point it finally felt like haruka was going to be fine or like. kiryu was done taking care of her#tho that just makes it seem as though kiryus only purpose was to protect haruka..#im prattlin too long POINT IS im glad you loved the game !! im always happy to see you guys love things so much#theres too much negativity in the world so i love bouts of passion like this- always feel free to send your rambles#i love readin em its like catchin up with a friend and they got a new interest or somethin#speakin of my friend was supposed to call me yesterday while i played ishin.....#speaking of im gona go play it
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every now and then i think about how many aspects of my personality and who i am as a person would probably seem far less weird and off-putting and annoying if they were coming from a man instead of a woman and actually those same personality traits would probably make me seem more likeable and fun and unabashed
#but alas. it's a man's world.#like yknow.... if i was a man maybe i WOULD be the man#like literally if a man had this exact same personality would they still be regarded in the same way i am? um. i rly doubt it.#like i WOULD be complex and cool and not overenthusiastic or weird#it's hard to say. but generally.#i sometimes will just be alone and doing smth that im like#if i was a man and i was doing smth im not very good at but im having fun and a good time then it would seem cool and confident#but as a woman it's just cringey#ok tonight this post was inspired by me dancing along to Just Dance videos alone in my room. which is like.. not that deeo#but idk it's smth i think about occasionally#also idk why i just realized that just dance is actually like my preferred method of exercise....#cause i dont like online workouts cause they're boring without music but i do love pop music and i actually rly like dancing!#even tho im very uncoordinated! but i think it's rly fun! and some of the dances are pretty simple but some are genuinely rly good exercise#lol... anyway#gonna go do some reading and then try to get to bed bc im going over to a friends garage sale in the morning lol#im bringing over a few old clothes and we're just gonna hang out for a few hours and maybe make a few dollars lol
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does anyone else ever refrain from engaging in new content surrounding your special interest because you dont want to be physically uncomfortable with excitement .
#i avoid engaging with content i know i will like because of the Symptoms#its really weird. i dont know how to express ''i havent seen this but it seems amazing even tho im not going to engage with it''#without it seeming like i dont care LOLL#its just past expereinces where simply enjoying special interest content gives me full on adrenaline pumps. and i cant stand that feeling#ITS MOSTLY JUST WEIRD my brain is just so broken its fascinating. also wanted to clear up that its not for lack of caring!#in fact its an overabundance#and its not that i will never engage with cv things but i feel like i have to be selective with when i do#one day when im strong i will checj out ressurection of the night#personal#i feel like this must be relatable to Someone
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What are our thoughts on herbal cigarettes
#idk why I am so drawn to the idea rn it just seems like a good way to chill without access to weed and weird hangups about real cigs#maybe next week I am far too broke for them rn#looking at the honeyrose ones per the shoutout by rfq#they do still have like. tar in them tho#mine#personal#like genuinely really my papa just died I should be allowed a vice. gen z really are a bunch of puritans aren’t we god.
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