#women exist with body’s that create but they don’t want to risk life and limb to do it and suddenly get imprisoned for life

[weareoutofmaplesyrupdave]

THOSE IMPERIALISTIC NAZI FASCIST ASS DICTATOR ASS TYRANNICAL MICRO MANAGING CONTROL FREAK BITCHES WHO ARE OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE SEEN MY GREATx40 GRANDMOTHER BE BORN, WHO LICK THE FEET OF THE RICH AND SPIT IT BACK ON EVERYONE ELSE, ARE SITTING THERE PRUNE LOOKING ASSES ON SOME RICKETY ASS CHAIRS IN A BUILDING MADE OF SHITTY ASS MARBLE THEY BUILT ON THE STOLEN LAND THEY OCCUPIED WHILE THEY MURDERED AND ENSLAVED MILLIONS ARE STEALING EVERYONES HUMAN FUCKING RIGHTS AGAIN WITH THEIR SYSTEMIC OPPRESSION RELIGIOUS BRAINWASHING AND OVER BUDGETED MILITARY/ POLICE AND THEIR CENSORSHIP JUST SO THEY CAN KEEP THE SHITTY AND BROKEN SYSTEM THEY MADE AND FUCKED UP ON RUNNING SO THEY CAN CONTINUE TO HAVE THEIR WEALTH AND POWER AND HAVE A FULL SUMMERS RECESS AND GO GOLFING AND NEVER KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO TRULY SUFFER OR BE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

[witchbitchheadedtoaditch]

Shadow Work Prompts Part 2

Hello my loves! I'm going to add some more shadow work prompts (primarily because... Kaye needs to do shadow work and maybe this will convince them to do it. (It won't. We all know it won't. But we can hope....))

I'm gonna put these below the cut just so people don't have to scroll through this long as fuck list on their dash if they don't want to see them lol

Some of these are really, really heavy, and do touch on things like sexual assault, abuse, death, etc., so this is the trigger warning for you.

A lot of these are also focused on women and AFAB folks because I'm trying to reconcile with my femininity and whatnot.

Anne Carson Quotes

You remember too much, my mother said to me recently. Why hold onto all that? And I said, Where can I put it down?

Why does tragedy exist? Because you are full of rage. Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief.

Words bounce. Words, if you let them, will do what they want to do and what they have to do.

Eros is an issue of boundaries. He exists because certain boundaries do. ... Eros: the boundary of flesh and self between you and me.

Desire is no light thing.

It is easier to tell a story of how people wound one another than of what binds them together.

Reality is a sound, you have to tune in to it not just keep yelling.

All mortals owe a debt to death.

...sex is a substitute, like money or language.

...your story begins the moment Eros enters you. That incursion is the biggest risk of your life. How you handle it is an index of the quality, wisdom, and decorum of the things inside you.

Myths are stories about people who become too big for their lives temporarily, so that they crash into other lives or brush against gods. In crisis their souls are visible.

Philosophers say man forms himself in dialogue.

There is no person without a world.

If there is anything dearer than being alive, it's dark to me.

We humans seem disastrously in love with this thing... life.

The underworld's a blank and all the rest just fantasy.

Caught between the tongue and the taste.

What is mortality after all but divine doubt flashing over us? For an instant God suspends assent and poof! we disappear.

Girls are cruelest to themselves.

What really connects words and things?

Blessed be they whose lives do not taste of evil

Perhaps the hardest thing about losing a lover is to watch the year repeat its days.

Consider incompleteness as a verb.

You can get used to anything, my mother was in the habit of saying.

I am talking about evil. It blooms. It eats. It grins.

I don't want to be a person. I want to be unbearable.

Beauty makes me hopeless.

The dead... are victims of love, many of them.

To live past the end of your myth is a perilous thing.

You read a hundred military manuals you won't find the word kill they trick you into killing.

I went mad, a god hurt me, I fell.

Those nights lying alone are not discontinuous with this cold hectic dawn. It is who I am.

Love does not make me gentle or kind.

Your grief is as great as your splendor was: some god is weighing the one out equal to the other.

You can never know enough, never work enough, ... never leave the mind quickly enough.

Language is what eases the pain of living with other people, language is what makes the wounds come open again.

Where does unbelief begin?

Everything that is me is with me.

A wound gives off its own light...

I began to think I was someone thirsting for God.

You are a person in love with the impossible.

When we are denied a story, a light goes off.

Some conversations are not what they're about.

I lack myself.

Who knows what will happen if I'm alone with my grief.

I... forbid that you should ever lose your screams.

You are not a god. You are not that enlarged self. Indeed, you are not even a whole self, as you now see. Your new knowledge of possibilities is also a knowledge of what is lacking in the actual.

There is a loneliness that fills the plain.

The women of mythology regularly lose their form in monstrosity.

We live by waters breaking out of the heart.

Time as hunger. Time passing and gazing. Time as perseverance. Mountain time. Time as paper folded to look like a mountain. Time compared to the wild fantastic silence of stars.

What are we made of but hunger and rage?

When I look at you, even for a moment, no speaking is left in me.

Kelly Cherry Quotes

I didn't find my story; it found me.

There is blood everywhere and I am lost in it. I breathe blood, not air.

The story of [their] great-grandfather [or any ancestor]... was [their] own story, too.

Ashe Vernon Quotes

Don't you dare, for one minute, believe that my kindness makes me anything but insurmountable.

Understand that I am not your next victim in a laundry list of broken girls.

I will eat you alive before I let you make a meal of me.

What they don't tell you about standing up for what you believe in is that your feet will bruise and your legs will ache.

I'd like to take a moment to submit a formal apology to my soft parts because they kept me warm when I was trying to freeze to death, and I hated them for it.

I let myself be afraid.

When you learn you are only as good as your beauty routine, you forget how to define yourself by anything else.

I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won't know how to not regret it.

I know how to put my body inside someone else's but not how to make it beautiful.

I love better at a distance.

I am as much lion as I am lion tamer.

I got good at inflicting pain the same way I got good at soothing it.

Quit picking old wounds and going tor walks in the aches and pains you already made it through--you call it healing, but it sounds like a good way to take a haunting home with you.

I am a cathedral of almost-lovers

Louise Gluck Quotes

We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory.

I thought that pain meant I was not loved. It meant I loved.

The soul is silent. If it speaks at all it speaks in dreams.

Intense love always leads to mourning.

You will never let go, you will never be satiated.

It will feed you, it will ravish you, it will not keep you alive.

Why love what you will lose? There is nothing else to love.

I speak because I am shattered.

I don't need your praise to survive.

Whatever returns from oblivion returns to find a voice.

Nakedness in women is always a pose. I was not transfigured. I would never be free.

The unsaid, for me, exerts great power.

I am tired of human... I want to live on the sun

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

There are places like this... you enter as a young girl... you never return.

Writing is a kind of revenge against circumstance, too: bad luck, loss, pain. If you make something out of it, then you've no longer been bested by these events.

The riddle was: why couldn't we live in the mind. The answer was: the barrier of the earth intervened.

It is true that there is not enough beauty in the world. It is also true that I am not competent to restore it. Neither is there candor, and here I may be of some use.

You're not a creature in body. You exist as the stars exist, participating in their stillness, their immensity.

And then, suddenly, something is over.

You must be taught to love me. Human beings must be taught to love silence and darkness.

Sappho Quotes

Someone will remember us/I say/even in another time.

Their heart grew cold. They let their wings down.

What cannot be said will be wept.

What is beautiful is good, and who is good will soon be beautiful

Once again love drives me on, that loosener of limbs, bittersweet creature against which nothing can be done.

Love shook my heart like the wind on the mountain rushing over the oak trees

Love is a cunning weaver of fantasies and fables.

I know not what to do, my mind is divided.

The female creature is a letter.

No holy place existed without us then

She who loves roses must be patient and not cry when she is pierced by thorns.

Because I prayed this word: I want.

If you had a desire for good or beautiful things and your tongue were not concocting some evil to say, shame would not hold down your eyes but rather you would speak about what is just.

Wealth without virtue is no harmless neighbor.

I am weary of all your words and soft, strange ways.

Paisley Rekdal Quotes

Does it offend you to watch me working in it, touching my hands to the greening tips or tearing the yellow stalks back, so wild the living and dead both snap off in my hands?

I can wait longer than sadness.

It is such a small thing to be proud of.

Should I, too, not be loved?

We are even now still so young

I loved him. I loved forgiving him.

Yasmin Belkhyr Quotes

Contrary to wound, I still know nothing of defeat.

Contrary to ache, I still know nothing of guilt.

I help: a good daughter.

Someone always ends up holding something mangled.

It wasn't enough to feel... he had to see, to know.

Adrienne Rich Quotes

There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep and still be counted as warriors.

Lying is done with words, and also with silence

Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work.

When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.

My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed

If you are trying to transform a brutalized society into one where people can live in dignity and hope, you begin with the empowering of the most powerless. You build from the ground up.

Until we know the assumptions in which we are drenched, we cannot know ourselves.

The truth of our bodies and our minds has been mystified to us.

It will take all your heart, it will take all your breath. It will be short, it will not be simple.

You look at me like an emergency.

The unconscious wants truth. It ceases to speak to those who want something else more than truth.

In a world where language and naming are power, silence is oppression, is violence.

There is no 'the truth', 'a truth'--truth is not one thing, or even a system. It is an increasing complexity. The pattern of the carpet is a surface. When we look closely, or when we become weavers, we learn of the tiny multiple threads unseen in the overall pattern, the knots on the underside of the carpet.

The moment of change is the only poem

There is nothing revolutionary whatsoever about the control of women's bodies by men. The woman's body is the terrain on which the patriarchy is erected.

The scars bear witness but whether to repair or to destruction I no longer know.

Not biology, but ignorance of ourselves, has been the key to our powerlessness

What kind of beast would turn its life into words?

Truthfulness, honor, is not something which springs ablaze of itself; it has been created between people.

You touched me in places so deep I wanted to ignore you

Silence can be a plan rigorously executed, the blueprint to a life, it is a presence, it has a history, a form. Do not confuse it with any kind of absence.

Most women have not even been able to touch this anger, except to drive it inward like a rusted nail.

We have lived with violence for so long.

This is my body, take it and destroy it

We have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings. And the fear of our deepest cravings keeps them suspect, keeps us docile and loyal and obedient, and leads us to settle for... many facets of our own oppression.

Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.

A language is a map of our failures.

The more I live the more I think two people together is a miracle.

Poetry is, among other things, a criticism of language.

How do you make it, all the way from here to morning?

An honorable human relationship--that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word "love"--is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

You grieve in loneliness, and if I understand you fuck in loneliness.

We write from the marrow of our bones.

The liar has many friends, and leads an existence of great loneliness

We must use what we have to invent what we desire.

William Styron Quotes

We're all in this game together.

In depression this faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the foreknowledge that no remedy will come-not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute.

It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul

We each devise our means of escape from the intolerable.

Reading--the best state yet to keep absolute loneliness at bay.

Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.

Let your love flow out on all living things.

Loss in all of its manifestations is the touchstone of depression--in the progress of the disease and, most likely, in its origin.

Kai Cheng Thom Quotes

I wanted to protect you, but I'm starting to think that the best thing you can do for people is teach them how to protect themselves. Every girl needs to be at least a little dangerous.

A sanctuary is a place where the door only locks from the inside.

Sometimes to be somebody else, you have to be nobody first.

You will be able to stop hurting people when you stop hurting yourself.

When you're a child trapped in a situation of physical or psychological depravation, you learn shame as an efficient, elegant mechanism of survival: shame simultaneously shields you from the reality that danger is out of your control (since the problem is not that you're unloved and deprived; it's that you're Bad) and prevents you from doing or saying anything challenging that might provoke a threat.

It's good for you to cry sometimes. Even if there isn't a reason.

When you live in a community of queers, anarchists, & activists, crisis is the baseline and stability an outlier.

You are mine like nothing has ever been before.

Safety is, I believe, an inherently classed, raced, and gendered experience that frequently runs the risk of being used for regressive ends--ironically, for restricting the freedoms of the vulnerable, those who are never really safe. Often, we see the call for safety actually reinforce the power of oppressive institutions, like the police and the prison system, in our lives. When we choose safety over liberation, our movements fail.

When they looked at me and my sister, even their love was hungry.

Some people will cling on to anything that makes them feel even a little bit free.

Forget, if you can, all the promises you've ever made and the lies that you've told.

Once you start hurting people, you can't stop

I feel tired. I don't want to be myself anymore.

Sometimes it's important to be alive.

Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but surrender.

You are always disappearing in the hope of being seen. You are always shrinking to fit into someone else's arms. You are collapsing ever inward, a galaxy to become smaller.

Gregory Orr Quotes

If we're not supposed to dance, why all this music?

Even hell is holy.

I was born with a knife in one hand and a wound in the other.

Maybe she loved me, maybe not--who knows? Not even the gods can see into a human heart--it's that dark.

Writing often reveals us to ourselves, lets us name what's important to us and what has been silent or silenced inside us.

And to live only once--what if that's not enough?

Maybe it was always simple: loss surrounds us. Who would deny it? We ourselves are loss, are lost.

I want to study the book of the world: every vanishing page.

The dead sing us songs I'm learning to answer.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

The Red Well (Part 5) Ending the Nightmares

What happens next... Heheheheheheheheheeheheh Tagging @rurifangirl for Ruri action

You were frozen in place like a statue, covered in colorful kabuki clothing in a basement. You understood the scene. Chime Gen had told you about it in the Takamagahara. He had gone crazy and killed women after luring them. He only killed the most beautiful girls because he loved their expressions and imitated them. But he wanted to preserve them, so he took them back to a basement and preserved them like dolls.

Chisei sat on the floor in front of the cast-iron tub full of preservation chemicals. You stood at his left, frozen.

Chisei must be waiting for Ruri Kazama to come down so he can kill him. But this part of the scene is wrong. Chime very clearly said that his brother followed him into the basement. He was preparing the fourteenth girl when Chisei came and called his name. Chime awoke from the trance he was in and Chisei stabbed him through the heart.

So why is Chisei waiting first? Why are you here? This is some sort of an illusion.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened. On the way to the Red Well, you’d had a strange dream like this. You were in Black Swan Bay but you knew it was going to be destroyed. It was all so real that you just went through the motions of everything that happened that day until Z had sat up from the sled and pointed behind you. Ruri Kazama was standing behind you. When you asked him ‘what are you doing here’? You woke up and Ruri was asking you how you broke it.

This had to be an illusion caused by Ruri. It’s not that these men were not fighting. They were still fighting, just on a different plane.

You try to figure out how to move. You had to be breathing outside the dream but frozen in place. Was this like sleep paralysis? You persist in trying to move your body but the paralysis seems firm. Could he hear your mind? “Chisei! Chisei!” You call to him mentally. “What are you doing here? Chisei!”

He didn’t move or hear you. His face was tranquil and quiet, devoid of happiness and sadness. His eyes were dark and clear, his hair brushing over them. His skin was light and fresh and his body was fit. For the first time, you thought Chisei was beautiful, just as beautiful as his brother. 

As soon as that thought passed your mind, you felt a moment of release. Your hand which had held a fan up to your face, relaxed and lowered. You blink. So that’s the secret? Chime still admired Chisei no matter what he did. And somewhere deep and locked away in Ruri Kazama, Chime Gen still breathed quietly, asleep. You chuckle internally. Chime was so taken with his brother, wasn’t he? When talking to Sakura Yabuki, you once said that you were just like him. You seemed better, but you were not better. Is that why Chime felt attracted to you? The greatest person was his brother. And who better to fall in love with than a woman who was like Chisei Gen?

You feel life coming back to your limbs, like warm blood was warmly flowing through skin that had been left in the cold too long. But instead of blood, it was Chime’s love for Chisei. How did he say it? Yes, what mattered most was not Chisei’s bloodline, Emperor or Devil, but his heart. No matter what the obstacle, if he wanted to be a friend of Justice… he would be.

The last chain unwrapped around your ankles and you slid your foot forward, but a sound came from above your head.  Light footsteps sounded like someone was running briskly to the bottom of the basement. Chisei got up onto his feet holding the hilt of his sword and turned to look at the rusty door.

“No…” you said quietly.

Chisei gently pressed the hilt of his blade with his thumb and the Spider Fang sword lifted an inch out of its sheath.

Something warm dripped on your head. You look up and it splats on your face. Chisei was looking up too. The roof was red like blood, and large red drops seeped out of the cement and dripped down like rain. Your heart beats hard. You’re still dressed in ceremonial clothes and you were never good at walking in geta sandals. You take a step forward to him but your other foot is rooted to the spot! You pulled at your foot but it was not moving.

"Have you been living in such a hell for so many years?" Chisei Gen gently stroked the hilt of his sword.

You turn back to Chisei and recall his smile in the elevator before he threw himself back to sacrifice himself for everyone. Your foot finally moves and you take a small step forward.

Chisei doesn’t seem to notice. He lowered his head and listened to the sound of water gurgling. A bright red liquid slowly spread over the soles of his shoes, as if he was standing in a pool of blood.

You could see, but Chisei did not see that in the bathtub behind him, a blood-red figure slowly rose up. The corpse concocted in the plasticizing chemicals opened its eyes. It was the naked Ruri Kazama, carrying a long, sharp cherry-red sword in his hand.

It wasn’t enough to just think one happy thought about Chisei. For every movement, you had to think positively about him. For example, how he cut his wrist at great risk to himself and threw his blood stained shirt out into the fire.

Step.

He let you go in that park after the Kabuki performance even though he could have killed you.

Step.

He wanted to save you on the Tokyo Tower. He protected Chance! He was going to let Chance go! He wasn’t going to kill him! You stagger forward and that final desperate thought, in those moments of fervent forgiveness, you crossed between Ruri Kazama and Chisei Gen’s back.

You freeze again. Your eyes rolled down to the blade of the cherry red sword and the glowing blue sword that were sticking out your chest.

The moment Ruri Kazama attacked was never captured by your eyes. His speed far exceeded the limits of what a human could achieve, and his high speed swept up the water in the entire space, creating a putrid rain behind him. The blade pierced your back the moment you thought of Chance. Chisei Gen had reacted immediately and turned around to counter an attack he thought was coming from behind and ran you through with Spider Fang from the front. You trembled, transfixed on the blades like a pinned insect, mouth open but unable to speak or breathe.

Chisei froze, bewildered. “Chi...me…?” He said slowly. You had dark hair like Chime. You had dark eyes like Chime. You looked like a woman and dressed like a woman like Chime. The way you smiled lovingly at him was like Chime. But something about you said that you were not Chime. His mind was expecting Chime however. So it was hard to accept that this was you and not some weird dream distortion.

A soft whimper came from behind you. Ruri Kazama had released his sword and was embracing you. But you couldn’t embrace him back. Your vision dimmed and swirled and your hands fell limp at your side.

At that moment Chisei realizes something is wrong. There is Ruri Kazama but that crazed laughter has left him. He looks nothing like a mad hybrid. He wasn’t wearing the fearsome grin but a mask of sorrow.

He’s whispering. “MC… MC… I’m sorry…” Over and over again. But no one can answer him. The swords are still in your body as he picks you up and hurries out, fervently whispering. “I have to end it. I have to end the dream!”

He rushes towards the basement door, frantic to get out. He bursts through it! Only to be met again with Chisei staring at him in confusion in front of the bathtub. Ruri turns back to the exit door. He goes out again. But he’s back in the basement. His face fills with pain and he falls to his knees. He is laughing, but he’s crying at the same time

A few moments ago he was a vengeful demon ghost. Now he was a scared child. The sight of you dying in his arms was a new nightmare -- a self-created one.

He rocks with you back and forth. “It’s not my dream.. It’s not my dream…” He brushes your hair from your face, leaving a long red bloody mark. “It’s not my dream…”

Outside the door of the gym were nothing but staircases going up and down, left and right, in all directions, each one concrete-colored, each one zigzagging back and forth.

The world had suddenly become a giant maze, and he was standing in the deepest part of it. In Ruri’s dream, he dreamed of the outside world, the whole village. This wasn’t his dream however. It was Chisei’s. They were both stuck in that moment where Chisei killed Chime in the basement of the school gymnasium. But in Chisei’s dream there was never any escaping that moment. There was no path outside. This was Chisei’s dream, not Ruri Kazama’s, so Ruri didn’t know that the moment he stepped into Chisei’s dream there was no leaving that basement.

You hear Chisei’s voice softly call. “Chime!”

You let out a single breath in an attempt to speak. But that was all you could manage.

When you open your eyes again, you’re sitting on the cliff outside Black Swan Bay, on the rock that you used to watch the whales with Renata. The breeze tugs at your hair and the waves wiggle the ice floes and push them against the beach. A dark pair of boots step into your peripheral vision and Z sits down.

“I’m dead for real aren’t I?” You ask.

Z sighs. “I’m sorry, MC.”

You turn to him. “You gonna tell me what this is about?”

Z seems uncharacteristically hesitant. “You’ll be mad.”

“That never stopped you before. Spill.”

“The truth is… The truth is… all this has happened before. Only you weren’t there. You weren’t… there-there. It’s not that you died and I saved you. It’s that… you didn’t exist at all before… you weren’t alive to even die.”

You tilt your head. “So you created me? How?”

“I don’t know. I just … Herzog took something from me.” His lips pressed together and his golden eyes glowed. “I couldn’t let that go. I just couldn’t stand that he took something from me! So I thought a lot.”

He looked into your eyes. “I can’t change the past. I can only change the future. I had to find a way to change the past without… directly causing anything to happen. It took a long time, and then… you showed up. MC, nothing that changed about the past was really any of my doing. You were the one who impressed Herzog with your… toothy lock trick and that kinda set all this in motion when he decided not to operate on you. All of these changes? It’s all you. I just kept you alive. Everything else proceeded as it did before.”

You stare, absorbing all this. “So… what I am is… the results of you being a sore loser?”

He let out a breath. Then looked down and he covered his eyes with his hand. 

“Are you… crying?”

“No!” He pounded his fist on the ground. “I’m laughing because it worked! I got Erii back! Erii died before and now she’s alive but… now I’m just losing someone else!”

“Why do you care? I mean, I never was a person before right?” You shake your head. “You fell in love with your own puppet?” You chuckle. “Dragons are silly.”

He lifted his head and stared at you. “What… Did you say?”

“I didn’t tell you but, I remember a dragon coming down from the sky to pick me up. That was you… right?” You wink.

Z shuts his mouth, but he's smiling.

You give him a punch in the arm. “Hey… when I said thank you for everything. I half meant it. Thanks. It was quite a ride. You got what you wanted.”

Z’s smile fades. He doesn’t agree with you.

Those were all the words you got to say to him before a sudden silence and darkness falls over you and the world descends into an oblivion.

You weren’t there long however.  Pain like fire and like surf pounding you against a rocky shore and crushing your bones rockets through your mind.

Z’s voice calls you. He sounds panicked, but you can’t answer him.

Your eyes open, but you are not the one opening them. You see Chime, crying inconsolably. You’re back in the Red Well. Rain and Chime’s tears are falling on your face but you still can’t move to wipe them away. A voice in your head is filling you with violent and hateful thoughts. You hate everything about this world. Everything in this world wants you to die! But you will not die. No. Never!

Chisei’s voice sounds as panicked as Z’s. Your body reacts even though your mind is scrambling to keep up. Chisei Gen is back to being a dragon, covered in crystal scales with magnificent wings. You land in a crouch after soaring twenty feet into the air. The pain of moving like this despite your injuries overwhelms you and sweeps away every thought. But you’re not the one moving your body. 

You feel trapped behind your own eyes.

“No! No! Nooooo!” Chime is wailing but he’s too weak to stand.

Erii is there now. When did she get here? She’s holding a small suitcase and dressed in a white taffeta skirt with a white bow in her hair. You remember that Erii is your sister.

Sister? What is a sister? The internal invader rummages through your memories, tossing them out like toys from a toy box. Renata and you were rivals and friends, close yet somehow distant. Erii was like you in many ways and you felt drawn to her. You made a vow on a train in mutual defense. Sakura Yabuki had a kind and understanding smile. Also sister?

Who was this? What were they doing? And then you remember.

The memory of the Light King parasite pops up as an answer to your question. A feeling of smug superiority -- but not from your own mind -- wells up. You didn’t know how, but the Light King parasite had escaped its confines and had gotten ahold of you!

Chisei had gathered the frantic Chime into his arms. “I’m sorry, Erii. I didn’t want to get you involved in this.” He said.

Erii just nods and writes something on a piece of paper. 

Chisei’s draconized body pops and crackles and seems to shrink a foot in height. Half his bones are migrating from his body to his wings, stretching them and extending them to full height! A great down beat from those bat-like wings sends him soaring away from the well with Chime in his arms. 

The Light King Parasite tilts your head to watch him go. It decided it didn’t like sisters but Erii’s body and blood were very, very tasty and you were very hungry. The smell of the thousands of sleeping deadpool comes to your nose. You open your mouth and let out a great roar! Thousands of pairs of eyes peer down into the well and then they fall, scraping their claws in a stampede down this hole in the ground. Some were flying on bony wings, like demons descending to hell. They were going to swarm this place!

Your body is healing at a speed visible to the naked eye. The Light King Parasite stretches out your hand and the Gathering Clouds sword comes flying to meet you. Your body glares threateningly at the small Japanese girl who stood in the middle of the Red Well. 

Erii is holding up a sign. “Anyone who comes between me and my sister must die!”

[bottleofspilledink]

God's Watching, Put on a Show || Chapter I

September 10, 1993, St. Agnes School For Girls

Eve stared at the bible she was so desperately clutching, her nails creating indents on it's fine, leather cover.

"Hail, holy queen,

Mother or mercy,

Hail, our life, our sweetness, and our hope..."

Her stomach twisted as she switched from one prayer to another in her head.

"Glory be to the Father,

And to the Son,

And to the Holy Spirit..."

She wasn't even sure if she'd finished before beginning a different one, thoughts continually straying, focus nearly non-existent.

"Our Father,

Who art in Heaven,

Hallowed be thy name..."

If she was more aware of herself, she would have thought it miraculous that the book didn't simply slip from her grasp.

They had just finished the first gym class of their senior year and she could still picture it so vividly.

Airy sighs of relief echoed through the showers, mixing with the sound of running water and murmured complaints of aching limbs.

Warm water cascaded down them all as her chestnut eyes wandered, gaze flitting from the floor, to the nude girl next to her, to the faucet knobs, then to the floor once more.

She couldn't help but envy Claudia's soap, the lilac bar sliding over the soft, supple skin of her thighs, gliding over the gentle swell of her breasts, leaving sweet smelling suds and translucent bubbles in their wake.

It hardly got better when she towelled off. Girls roamed around the room in various states of undress.

When the prayers didn't work, she brought her sweaty hands up to palm at the rosary that, despite dangling at her neck, had always felt too tight.

Just a bit.

Her face flushed as even more of earlier's memories surfaced.

She recalled how her classmate, Tabitha, leant down to ask for a turn with her brush, entirely bare save for a towel that, instead of covering her body, had been used to wrap her wet hair.

She recalled how Naomi had slipped on the wet tile, bumping into her in an attempt to stay standing, wet hair dripping onto Eve as she was pressed into the locker, body hot against her back even with the towel between them.

And once that failed to purge the thoughts from her head, she shifted her gaze to the crucifix above the whiteboard, exchanging prayers for pleas so desperate that would make anyone who heard it cave and help her.

Though unfortunately for Eve, no one was listening.

She wanted to stop the thoughts.

She needed to stop the thoughts, the frantic beating of her heart, the pulsing heat that came from between her legs, lest she risk losing everything in this life and the next.

"Please," she thought, eyes clenched shut, her ivory hands were slick and shaking as she brought them together, fingertips growing red with each pleading squeeze, "help me."

"I know you wouldn't put me through this if you thought I couldn't handle it, but I'm begging you, help me." The words were now a mantra, repeating over and over til it lost all meaning, words meshing together in her mind in a senseless fashion, fading into the background of her thoughts all together.

Her amber eyes brimmed with tears at what could happen to her, to her soul, if she wasn't able to stop, if this wanton depravity escaped her mind, if she decided to go forth and search for ways to fulfill this sick fantasy of hers.

And through some miracle or curse, her prayers had been realized in the form of the shrill shriek of the fire alarm. Her heart beat in panic instead of longing and arousal receded, replaced by fear.

"Get in line, girls. Remember our drills," Sister Jane said, calmly rising from her seat, somehow immune to the fear and worry that now permeated the air.

At the order, lines were formed, rushed and frantic and the complete opposite of their usually pristine formation as they speed walked through the cloisters.

The place was bustling with life, tiny heels clicking and voices buzzing as the already crooked lines dissipated completely as people shoved and bumped into each other.

Eve could barely move, her right side pressed firmly into the walls. She shuffled along as best she could, making way for one of the nuns fighting against the crowd trying to reach the telephone to call the fire department.

They arrived at the courtyard quickly and despite the attempts to settle them, some girls were running all over the grass, shouting names, looking for friends and ensuring their safety.

Though the source of the fire was still a mystery, it was clear that calming the students would take a good while.

Eve was shivering in the crisp autumn air, a crunchy leaf smacking her in the face as she rubbed her hands together. In all the commotion, she had left her coat behind, the thick wool remaining draped over the back of her chair and utterly useless to her now.

Just when the sisters were at their wits end, one of the more elderly nuns and girls in aprons rushed out of the west wing door with their hands and handkerchiefs covering their mouths.

They donned flour stains on their school-mandated black aprons and reeked of smoke. Most were violently coughing, one of them dry heaving  onto the grass because of the force of it.

The girls were far too distracted to notice one of their fellow classmates slipping away from them.

"Sister Agnes!" The women rushed over to her as she fell to the ground, habit nearly slipping off when her frail body collided into the damp grass.

"What happened? Did all the girls make it out?" Mother Cecilia asked, nearly hysterical as she knelt by her fallen friend.

"Thank the Lord, I believe so, yes." Sister Agnes pushed herself up and hid the bit of hair that escaped her hood. "Oh, I don't know what happened! We were just baking, and- and I- That girl! She put it in the oven! That wretched girl! She must have started the fire!" The woman marched over to her students, face distorted in rage.

"Where is she?! Where's Lilith?!"

Eve, being so far from the commotion, hardly noticed it all as she sat alone on one of the wooden benches. She was far too occupied with warming herself. A violent shiver went through her as her leg brushed against the cold metal nail of the seat.

"Feeling chilly?" A girl with striking red hair asked her, taking off her oven mitts and waving them at Eve.

"Oh! Uhm, no, I'm fine. Thank you, though." She said, straightening herself. A gust of wind had blown past them, allowing Eve to catch a faint whiff of the smoky scent emanating from the girl.

The other merely smirked, "Shy? There's no need to be. Besides, I can see you shivering."

The blonde gave an awkward laugh, feeling her face flush as she was caught lying.

"You got me there! But really, I'm fine, it's nothing I can't handle," Eve tried reassuring the girl, who only raised a brow at her.

"Sure about that? I don't mind letting you borrow them, it's not like I'm using them or anything." The girl practically insisted on taking the oven mitts, holding them out to Eve.

Even from afar, she could feel it's warmth, her hand gave a tiny twitch, completely revealing how much she wanted it.

"If you're sure..." She reached out and took the mittens from her, their fingers briefly brushing together.

And for a second, a single, fleeting moment, the overwhelming desire to hold the other girl's hand overtook her, and she froze, head spinning at the other's heat.

She wanted to feel her smooth skin, her warmth, and have her soft hands encompass her own.

But no such thing happened and Eve pushed the thought aside to slip the oven mitts on.

"Thank you. I honestly don't think I could have taken it much longer, I have more goosebumps than an actual goose at this point."

The girl laughed at this, hearty and loud and absolutely stunning as her frame shook with the force of it all. The autumn sun made her hair shine like a ruby, it's tips grazing her apron as she moved about.

"My name's Eve, by the way." She clumsily brushed her own hair from her face, oven mitts making the task more difficult than it should have been, then stuck out her hand for the other to shake.

"That's pretty. It suits you," the girl said nonchalantly. Eve would have thought it to be sarcasm if it weren't for the seemingly genuine smile still on her face.

"I'm-"

"There you are!" Mother Cecilia pushed through the crowd of students and grabbed the dark haired girl's outstretched hand, preventing it from reaching Eve's and pulling her up. "Come with me! Now!"

And so, the girl was gone before Eve could make a sound. She could do nothing but watch as people around them parted to let the two pass, not wanting the wrath of Mother Cecilia to befall them too.

They stayed out there for another fifteen minutes before the fire department arrived.

The girls were craning their necks as they crammed themselves at the windows to get a glimpse of the firemen as the ran through the halls, hose trailing behind them. Whispers of excitement ran through them as one of the men actually entered the courtyard to talk to the nuns.

After an hour long role call, they were ushered back to their classes, chatter untamable due to all of the events that had transpired.

There was only one girl who stayed silent through it all.

Eve was still staring at the red oven mitts when she reached her seat, wondering how on earth she would return them, til the answer presented themselves through the tag that slipped out when she took them off.

On that tag, scrawled messily in a thick black marker was the name Lilith Damien.

[fuwafuwamedb]

The Plight of Sigurd (Hakuno, Sigurd, Brynhild)

Once upon a time, a warrior with the heart of a dragon lived upon the earth. The heart that pounded away in his chest was strong, stronger than anything he had ever felt or seen or held. It held so very much power and capability, enough that, when the warrior found a wee wisp of a woman, filled with pale features and smelling of wildflowers and rainfall, his dragon heart spluttered away in desire.

He had to have her. He had to woo her.

It became the very breath in his lungs and the very song in his heart. His every word was curled around thoughts of her. His very actions were always, always for her.

Sigurd, the greatest fighter in all the land, the great hero and the slayer of the fierce dragon, was deeply in love.

So too was the woman who returned his gaze.

Her hand slipped into his.

The vows he gave to her were filled with youthful ignorance and mindless depths. A love everlasting, a solitary love, leaving him cold and alone without her at his side; he promised her himself to the very last moment in all of time and space. Until all would cease to exist, that was how long he would let her possess his spirit.

She promised the same and more.

Her hands pressed to him, promising understanding and patience. Such a wise thing to say, since he was a fool. She promised him encouragement and support, things his young mind scoffed at and his older mind cherished like a solitary dying flame in the midst of an ice storm.

They lived as two fools who were young and in love lived.

Gudrun gave him the partner he needed, the time he deserved with his hotheadedness. She tempered him, cooling and folding over the recklessness until he was honed into the most magnificent form of himself. He livened her night skies. He created joy in her unlike anything she had ever experienced. He kept her strategizing, thinking. Where she gave him strength, he gave her knowledge.

Knowledge, but perhaps not wisdom.

For his dragon heart was so large, so capable, that the day his friend came to him for a favor, he could not even consider the ramifications of what would occur. He welcomed the challenge to sleep with the mighty warrior Brynhild. He rushed to Gudrun, leaving his friend and king to wait as he told his sweet love of what he would do.

It was knowledgeable to allow him to tame Brynhild in disguise, to let her fall for the king. It meant that Sigurd would spend more time home. They could begin their family finally. They could look towards having more voices in their quiet home away from the world and all its struggles.

Wisdom was knowing that such a task was dangerous, evermore so for a man whose heart bled for the tiny beasts that Gudrun welcomed into their home. The man was no heartless. He could not give any bit of himself without desiring something back.

He crossed the flames.

His disguised body lay with the great Brynhild, but not for long. She murmured the wrong name to him and Sigurd, thoughtlessly, doffed his disguise. His hands grasped at the woman’s legs, bringing the truth home.

Brynhild saw but a second of the truth, thinking it a trick of the dying light of the ring of fire.

She married herself to the king as Sigurd returned home.

Yet neither lay with their spouse.

Brynhild felt something cold in the touch of the king, luring her to rebuke him. Sigurd felt a need for more, a greed that slowly built up within him with each time that his wife came to him. He vowed himself to his wife again, his heart heavy.

“My husband is the greatest warrior,” Brynhild told Gudrun one day, surveying the laundering that the two of them needed to do. “He crossed the ring of fire to get to me. He is-“

“He is a liar,” Gudrun told her simply. “It was not him, but my husband, Sigurd, that lay with you that night.”

Knowledge, while great and powerful, was nothing compared to wisdom.

For Brynhild went to her husband and spied the warrior near him, knowing Gudrun’s words to be true. Vengeance burned in her. Her weapon came to hand.

And on his way home to his wife, Sigurd felt that blade pierce him. He felt his great heart torn from his body, the sound of his wife’s cries of shock and horror filling the air as he looked up at the woman.

“I cared for you too,” he told her with his dying breath. “I cared for you as I care for Gudrun. I had told your husband that I would not hide the truth from you. I had… wanted… to tell you… Bryn.”

The woman’s scream of outrage rang through the trees. He could see the tears flow, the knowledge of her reckless anger and her rightful actions creating chaos.

Gudrun and Brynhild.

The two loves that his great dragon heart had felt, both adoring of one another; he had lost them both through such troubles.

In another life, he would only wish for one.

For Gudrun’s warmth and Brynhild’s icy love were too powerful together. They drove him to the depths of longing, leaving him to foolish mistakes and a world filled with pain and suffering.

Never again, he begged to the universe.

The universe, in its great wisdom and ever reaching limbs of generations, spat him into the world as a simple man. Perhaps, not too simple, since the memories of it all remained well in his head. He grew, much like any other man grew: books and homework, days of lounging and nights of dreaming. He donned his glasses and sipped his coffee as he stepped forth from simple learning to complex teaching.

The world tree?

Meet the world of knowledge, of sciences and mathematics. He could see the world in a grain of sand, but he could not hold anyone.

The problem from before, with a heart too deep, now felt hollow. He pressed his hand to his chest many times, trying to feel the hole, but his heart beat away. It was not missing, but something was.

That was why, when she had appeared at one of his conferences, a small one in Fuyuki, Japan, he had gone to her.

“Go away.”

“Miss.” Sigurd sat down across from her, happy that the coffee shop was slow today. “Surely an hour of your time won’t-“

The purple haired woman narrowed her gaze on him.

She clicked her tongue.

“I see the faithlessness lingering in you, foul warrior of old. A wife who loves you dearly, yet you play with another. I have no use for a second of you.”

“Hey-“

She flashed her eyes his way. “Leave!”

“I know when I have lost.”

He stood up, but the woman stood as well.

“Yes?”

“I don’t like you.”

She moved closer though, despite her words. She pressed her hand to his cheeks and brought his face closer, promising wordlessly something he had not expected.

“…I don’t like you one bit. That is why I have to do this, for the sake of others. Perhaps maybe you’ll learn, unlike the other I know.”

He opened his eyes, only to feel a shift.

The world tilted on its axis. The room around them revolving. He fell onto all fours, looking up at the woman and growling at her.

Growling?

“A CAT!” One of the coffee shop owners screeched, waving for the others. “SOMEONE GET A BROOM! HOW DID A CAT GET IN HERE!”

The witch of a woman kicked him, sending him flying towards the door. He could see paws now. He could feel his whiskers and feel the flick and swish of his tail. The woman had changed him.

How?

Who had that woman been?

A broom was coming his way. He rushed for the door, running around the feet and running. Further and further away, he went. He ran with all his might, dodging the cars and the wild world of people.

A cat.

He could not have stayed in that coffee place or even near it. The risk was too great.

The woman had been from his hotel. He’d seen her there before. If he could find his way back to that building before the woman checked out or anything.

But even thinking that brought forth chaos. A darkness loomed over his head. A dark room swept him right off the pavement, into a wall a second before steel bars slammed shut behind him. He could only glance back to see a pair of eyes look at him.

“A runaway stray? Shall we go to the pound?”

The…

No!

He yowled. He pawed. Anything and everything that he could do, he did.

The man carried him to the back of a car and whisked him off.

Darkness and the scent of sanitizer met his senses. He could hear dozens of other cats. He could hear dogs howling and barking away. The world around him had become colder than he had ever seen before. What was the Scandinavian winters compared to steel walls and metal bars? Who could ever say that the smell of piss and the feel of threadbare fabrics was ever better than fur blankets and the smell of a good fire in a hearth?

Women were… Cruel.

His luck, albeit strong, was also in faltering.

Whoever had wronged that witch before had ended up leaving the vengeance for him to suffer. Just as his king friend had left vengeance for him to feel from Brynhild. Just as the dragon had left for him to feel by making him covet and yearn so deeply.

The time slipped away.

He saw a light overhead. It drifted across the room.

Time marched forth, indifferent to the plights of mankind. Its limbs reached out further and further, tangling away amongst other limbs and twigs. He watched so many pass through the chamber, always after kittens and old, dying beasts in this room. Their eyes drifted over him. He may as well have been décor.

A few more lights flew by as days passed.

He barely opened his eyes.

He barely did much.

“Miss,” a voice called. “You don’t want that one. He’s on his last legs.”

“Why is he so filthy?”

That voice…

Soft and sweet, it flowed like honey through his mind as he heard it. She spoke so sweetly, setting off some kind of recognition in him. The voice was so familiar. It was so very familiar…

“He doesn’t groom himself. We think it may be psychological.”

“He’s depressed then?”

The voice was closer. He could feel the bars move away from his face. A hand was stroking at him, bringing him to purr without a second thought.

“You don’t seem depressed to me,” the woman murmured, “but then, who really realizes they’re depressed when they feel depressed.”

“Miss-“

“I’ll take him!”

Sigurd felt himself lifted up, pressed against a chest that was softer than anything he’d ever felt. The faint trace of wildflowers and rainfall met his senses. There were fingers stroking at his ears and head, making his purr deepen.

The voices spoke, but he could not focus.

He couldn’t focus until he felt a warm cloth wiping at his eyes. The gunk that had accumulated was done away with. He could open his eyes and see the owner of that voice. He looked up, his gaze drifting over the wee features of the wisp of a woman.

Gudrun.

His Gudrun.

The beautiful and knowledgeable woman and love of his spirit: his everlasting Gudrun.

“Do you mind if I carry him out like this?” his sweet woman asked of the people here.

“Go ahead.”

He could not look away as they stepped out of the darkness. He couldn’t breathe as the sun poured down upon the locks of brown hair and those astounding brown eyes of hers. His Gudrun had found him, rescued him even.

Had the witch sent her here?

Had she helped him to reunite with the one he had been parted from?

“Well,” Gudrun smiled down at him. “I guess this is a good time for names while we wait for the bus, isn’t it? My name is Hakuno Kishinami. And your name… How about Sigurd? I just read about one in a book and he was something else.”

You are my Gudrun. Not Hakuno.

“Listen to you meow,” the woman laughed. “You must be a fan of the name too. Sigurd it is then.”

This time he would remain with her alone. He would make up for their last life. They would do everything that they had been unable to do before.

His Gudrun…

How much his heart lightened at the sight of her, he couldn’t dare think to leave her again.

No, he never would.

The youth of his life had spoken true.

There had never been another as perfect for him as her.

[atakportal]

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Description:

WARNING: If You Think Eating Less & Exercising More Is the Key to Flattening  Your Belly Fast Then You’ve Been LIED To! It’s Putting Deadly Pressure on Your Heart, Killing Your Metabolism, and Creates a Toxic Fat-Storing Environment Deep In Your Belly. More Below…

…No one thought this widespread epidemic would hit America.

Right now it’s living in your immune system…

Feeding off the fat around your belly as it grows bigger and bigger, becoming almost unstoppable…

In the last 10 years, it’s become a worldwide epidemic…

A key biochemical process inside EVERY one of us that keeps you healthy, and yet…

Unless you learn the secrets to managing it…

It may eventually kill you.

This normal chemical process acts as a measure of self-defense when you get a paper cut, sprain your ankle, or simply stub your toe…

Yet, sometimes it goes haywire and instead of PROTECTING your body and health…

It stages an all-out attack instead.

Time Magazine called this “The Secret Killer” on the cover of a 2004 issue, and….

It’s when your body’s own “Defense System” turns on you in an instant..

And now you’re the victim.

Perhaps the scariest thing is, you may never feel the effects of this all-out assault on your body until it’s too late.

Scientists and doctors have discovered it’s the #1 cause to nearly every disease in the modern world [1], including…

You may have never even realized your weight gain, fatigue, or food cravings may be a result of this chemical attack…

However, if you don’t do anything about it…

It’ll take over your body without you feeling a thing and make weight loss all but impossible.

It’s the last thing STOPPING you from living in the body you desire, and yet…

Most experts are clueless on how to fix it, however with the secrets in this informative article…

That’s how fast you can burn fat when your body is no longer working against you.

All you have to do is flip the switch…

This is a piece of corn…

In fact, most people think corn is a vegetable, when it fact…

And it may be adding fuel to the chemical fire in your body that’s making it so hard to lose weight.

See, your body is a complex system, and unfortunately, for decades we’ve been told the absolute WRONG foods to eat when it comes to losing weight.

Now, in just a minute I’m going to reveal why these so-called “healthy” foods are actually forcing your body to store more fat day after day…

And why you’re better off eating a Snickers bar over “low-fat” yogurt…

All because of a few hidden chemicals and sugars added to this “low-calorie” snack that sends hormonal signals directly to your brain telling you to store more fat.

You see, over the past 10 years, after helping thousands of women and men burn off frustrating fat and transform their bodies in just weeks…

I’ve discovered some amazing things about the human body.

And through it all, helping women and men in their 40’s 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s lose 20 pounds or more in just a few months…

There’s likely ONE thing holding you back…

And most people don’t even realize it’s happening inside their body right now as we speak.

Deep down, at the cellular level, this all-out attack on your body may be the reason you can never lose weight and keep it off for good…

No matter how hard you try.

So let’s get absolutely clear on this right here, right now…

Because once have this figured out, the weight will fall off week after week no matter how old you are, or how much weight you have to lose.

What does a stubbed toe or a splinter have to do with gaining weight, developing Alzheimer’s disease, suffering a heart attack, or even suffering from colon cancer?

As scientists dig deeper into the root causes of these dangerous, life-threatening diseases, they are starting to see links to an age-old defense mechanism in your immune system called inflammation [2]…

The same biological process that turns the tissue around a splinter red, and causes swelling around a sprained ankle…

If these scientists are right…

And the evidence is starting to look like they are…

It will radically shift the world of healthcare and doctors concepts of what makes us fat and sick.

Most of the time, inflammation is the defense system that keeps us healthy and safe. They help our bodies fend off various disease-causing bacteria, viruses and parasites.

The instant any of these potentially deadly microbes enters your body, inflammation brings out an all-out attack that ruthlessly kills these invaders before they have a chance to do any serious damage to your body.

It’s like your own personal bodyguard with you around the clock to make sure you’re healthy and safe.

That’s why I call it “Good Inflammation”…

You need it to live a long and healthy life, and you would be in some SERIOUS trouble if it wasn’t there to protect you.

However, over just the past few years…

Doctors and scientists have discovered a certain type of “Bad Inflammation” that’s like a rogue cop gone bad, turning fire onto his partners helping to serve and protect while letting the criminals run free to take over the world.

And it’s the spark that causes nearly every deadly disease in the world today.

You can go years or even decades without feeling a thing, while this chemical mix up deep down in your immune system begins to take over, rotting your body from the inside out.

By the time you realize you have it…

And if you’ve been trying to lose weight for a month or more without seeing or experiencing any positive results…

It may be because this “Bad Inflammation” has taken over your body without you knowing it.

Here’s exactly how it happens, and it all started when…

Hopefully by now you know that inflammation can be a good thing that protects your body against deadly diseases, viruses, and parasites…

And it even shows up when you stub your toe, get a splinter in your finger, or sprain your ankle…

To help protect you and dramatically speed up your recovery.

However, over the past few years…

Doctors have discovered thousands of instances where your body turns on you and starts ruining your immune system from the inside out, causing…

And this happens when your “Inflammation Enzymes” take over and starts attacking your own body…

It’s fighting a battle that doesn’t even exist, causing problems that aren’t even there…

All because of a chemical mix up in your body where your cells THINK they’re under attack when the truth is…

They’re causing more harm than good.

And when this “Bad Inflammation” starts taking over your body without you feeling a single thing…

It can ruin your metabolism…

Stop your body from burning fat for fuel…

And severely damage your health and lead to potentially life-threatening disease.

This happens in a bizarre twist of fate, when your body’s sophisticated self-defense team mistakenly directs an inflammatory attack against healthy cells in your joints, nerves, and connective tissue [2].

And by the time they realize what’s going on, the damage has already been done.

That’s why you can go months or even years trying to lose weight without making ANY progress…

It may be because your joints, heart, and other organs have been damaged by hidden inflammation that started decades ago…

And it’s prevented you from ever losing all the weight you desire while leaving you at higher risk for diseases you wouldn’t otherwise have.

What I found when reading notes from a few selective doctor’s around the world, is…

Your body is constantly storing fat, especially around your belly and thighs, because it’s fighting a battle that doesn’t even exist…

And I know that sounds crazy, but I’ll explain it to you in just a minute so it’s all crystal clear, but first…

I need you to answer a few questions to see if this MIGHT be the problem you’re suffering from that makes losing even a pound or two nearly impossible…

See, I know you’re busy and I don’t want to waste any of your time, so if these questions do NOT apply to you, then feel free to delete this article and move on with your day…

However, if you answer yes to even just ONE of the questions below, then you must read every last word of this article because this hidden condition has been building in your body for years and aside from it blocking your weight loss at all hours of the day…

It will get so severe and lead to major health issues down the road like:

I just want you to be warned, so you can address and even reverse these symptoms as quickly as possible to get a slimmer and lighter YOU while avoiding dozens of major health complications that could put a huge strain not only on your body…

But your bank account, personal relationships, and family as well.

If you answer yes to ANY of these, then you must take action now before it’s too late.

If you answered yes to any of these questions then you likely have elevated levels of hidden chronic inflammation in your chest and belly that makes losing weight nearly impossible…

I’m really stepping out on a limb here because everyone I’ve told this to said to just keep quiet and “not scare anyone” because of how serious this actually is, however…

If I keep sugarcoating the truth then obesity will become and even bigger problem in the world, and the number of overweight children that’s already about half of the population will only get BIGGER through no fault of their own….

You can turn on the TV at any time throughout the day and see dozens of commercials for Weight Watchers and the latest home workout system that confuses your muscles and leads to losing 20 pounds a week…

Or you can just log into Facebook and see the shady customer reps trying to peddle their latest “magic skin wrap” that instantly makes your belly AND your wrinkles disappear in just 30 minutes or less…

But if all these miracle diets, workouts, and pills actually worked…

Then why is over HALF the world still overweight?

And why is 1/3 of the world clinically obese when your lifespan is cut down by decades when there’s all these magical solutions out there?

See, none of this “pump you up motivation” or magic skin wraps solve the true problem at it’s core, which is….

Once you reach 40, your body has built up a coffin around your heart, lungs, and arteries filled with hidden “Inflammation Enzymes” that you’ve ingested through normal wear and tear on your body as you age.

Yes, “life” has done this to you even if you exercise regularly and “eat healthy”.

Your fat cells are really to blame here…

According to Christiaan Leeuwenburgh, chief of the Division of Biology of Aging at the University of Florida, your cells have a nasty habit of turning against you when they can no longer to their jobs efficiently…

“Fat cells are the real culprits,” Leeuwenburgh says. “Even before they become old, some fat cells will secrete hormones called adipokines, contributing to body-wide inflammation, and with age they only get crankier.

These adipokines can, for instance, push the body to store more fat.

This leads to weight gain and puts us on the path to Type 2 Diabetes.

In fact, many experts believe that as few as 5 extra pounds spell trouble, even for those who exercise regularly.”

Consider it a final “screw you” to your body, and…

Not only does this hidden chronic inflammation usually go unnoticed without warning and reprograms your body to store fat and never burn it off…

It also activates your “Hunger Hormones” that TRIPLES the likelihood that your body will be stuck storing fat instead of ever burning it off…

I’m sure you’ve been told that constantly snacking on healthy foods throughout the day “keeps your metabolism boosted”, but the truth is…

If you’re constantly eating and snacking all day long, you’ll turn into a “sugar burner” which means there’s always an endless supply of calories in your body to be burned for fuel.

While that sounds good, it really means that your body will NEVER burn off your stored fat, leaving it piled up around your belly, thighs and arms never to be burned off.

And constantly eating throughout the day turns up your Hunger Hormones and makes you crave MORE food even if you aren’t hungry.

The biggest myth in the world is that you need to do these long, slow cardio workouts in order to burn belly fat and that is completely WRONG.

These long slow, but high impact workouts ruin your knees, ankles, and joints and put too much pressure on your heart and organs, which slows down fat-burning and can even lead to injury.

What you really need is a simple solution that works with your body’s natural fat-burning cycles instead of busting your butt in the gym every week that puts YEARS of wear and tear on your body and ages you FASTER.

One little known reason that over 90% of diets fail is because they put extreme stress on your body and internal organs.

Your body was meant to be fueled and nourished, which is why cutting calories and eating extremely small portions ruins your metabolism and turns ON your Stress Sensors…

Which sends a signal to your brain and belly to hold on to every last pound of fat on your body and never burn it off.

That’s why stress is the secret killer keeping you fat and it’s NOT about how much you eat.

I know how frustrating it must be after being lied to by the media and fitness experts for years, but in order to finally strip away all the fat you desire, you must accept one thing…

The ONLY reason you don’t have the lean and toned body you desire is because you were never told about all these silent conditions working AGAINST your body and forcing it to store fat instead of burning it off for energy…

However, the good news is today you’ll finally discover…

After Jessica came to me in tears and let out years of frustration and anger, we finally peeled back the layers and discovered what was REALLY keeping her overweight and unhappy, after all…

Out of sheer desperation we tried one last thing.

See, I have a reputation as one of the leaders in inflammation related weight loss, and…

After working with countless of women and men in person, I quickly realized this hidden condition that no one seems to know about was the common link in each of them struggling to lose weight for years or even decades…

And over the years, I narrowed down one 13-second trick that ANYONE can do at ANY age in ANY condition to eliminate your “Inflammation Enzymes” for good and visibly SEE a flatter, more firm belly faster than you ever thought before…

You see, the key is Selenium…

Selenium is a trace mineral that helps prevent oxidative damage in your body.

Your organs become more stressed…

You begin to get tiny little cracks in your heart…

And your body fights against you every single day to store MORE fat because it’s been tricked to believe you need it as you get older…

However, in just 13-seconds you can get enough selenium that releases the breaks on fat-burning and begins to eliminate your “Inflammation Enzymes” so you can actually start to lose the weight you desire WITHOUT every struggling again.

While most “experts” will tell you that in order to get the flat and firm belly you desire, you need to count every single calorie that passes your lips and give up gluten, sugar, dairy, and everything else you enjoy, that’s no way to live…

And will NEVER work long term.

I mean, what’s the point of losing weight and looking great if you feel miserable all the time?

The truth is, you can turn OFF your “Inflammation Enzymes” and see the flat and firm belly you desire FASTER than you ever imagined possible with ONE simple trick that anyone can do.

“I’m still surprised at what just one week can do…

My jeans fit better and I even pulled out my tight dress!

My belly definitely became more defined, my face looked less “puffy”, my yoga pants weren’t suffocating my legs or belly, and my confidence level shot up.

And my energy level is higher than it’s ever been before in my life!”

Why is Metabolism Energy Eating the fastest and easiest way to slim your entire body once and for all so you never have to worry about dieting or busting your butt in the gym ever again?

It’s because you flood your body with “Metabolism Minerals” over a strategic 10-day sequence that works with your natural fat-burning cycles to strip away unwanted fat faster than ever.

And it’s not just the FASTEST way, it’s the ONLY way.

You see, by the time you reach 40, your body is flooded with “Inflammation Enzymes” that you can’t feel or see, and even worse…

Most doctors can’t even test for them.

It’s a hidden condition that gets worse as you age and most people don’t even know about it, and before long you’re struck out of nowhere with:

ANY Man or Woman At ANY Age Can Become Lighter and LEANER starting tomorrow

All You Need To Do is ONE Simple Trick to Feel Lighter & Look Leaner tomorrow morning That:

Hi, my name is Meredith…

But my friends know me as the Slim Down Savior…

Because I have a reputation of taking the most difficult men and women who are at their breaking point with their health and their weight, on the verge of giving up and accepting a life of frustration and hidden anger…

And completely turning them around into a lean and toned superstar that has endless amounts of energy to take on the world instead of letting it pass you by as you hide at home on another Saturday night afraid for the world to see you.

Still, because my secrets are so simple and easy to do, men and women who have struggled for decades to lose even a few pounds have the weight falling off in just a few short days…

Hopefully by now you realize that you don’t have to kill yourself on some extreme diet program to consistently lose A LOT of weight week after week. After all, Sarah is just like you…

“Meredith’s diet, nutrition, and healthy living program is fantastic.

It’s changed my body incredibly in just a month’s period.

Her program is amazing, you have to try it!”

-Sarah, Moorpark, California

A few years ago, I took a trip with my husband to the Jungles of Panama that would change my life forever…

See, as we were hiking through the jungle, we came across a tiny little house that was the home to Mike, Sandy and their 3 beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed children, who left the U.S. years ago in search of a “more natural” life…

And after chatting with Sandy for a few minutes, I saw two young men – probably in their 20’s – walk past with these HUGE buckets…

So I asked Sandy, “What are they picking?”

She laughed and said, “You mean Juan and his grandfather?”

GRANDFATHER? I could have swore he was in his mid 20’s, after all, he was leaner and looked younger than all my friends back home.

Sandy went on to tell me that the locals scour the jungle looking for plants that have medicinal and magical benefits…

And then she grabbed me by the hand and said…

“Follow me, I need to show you something.”

She led me through a covered canopy and we stopped at modest looking tree with deep evergreen leaves…

It’s what the lean “grandfather” has been living on for years that makes him look over 20 years younger with a youthful glow that the richest celebrities in the world couldn’t even buy…

That’s when I was hooked.

And after picking Sandy’s brain for hours about all the other magical plants and lifestyle tricks she picked up from the locals, it all started to make sense.

On the plane ride home, my husband and I couldn’t stop talking about this magical class of food that the locals in Panama were using to stay so lean without aging a day in their life.

When I got home, I started doing a little more research and then it happened…

I finally understood the secret combinations of minerals and nutrients found in these magical foods that flatten your belly, remove your wrinkles, and peel decades off your age.

And as soon as we started testing it out with a few select in-person clients, the results were simply amazing.

Tiffany has an auto-immune disease that affects her thyroid and in just 7 days completely cancelled her surgery AND lost 5 pounds and counting.

“It’s amazing. I’ve been frustrated for 10 years and am so happy to have found an easy fix. Your program is awesome :)”

And now, starting today you can use these same belly slimming secrets to obtain a leaner body and flatter belly that’s more firm to the touch.

I’m so extremely excited to get these lean body secrets into your hands because men and women over 40 are always neglected…

See, the big weight loss companies want to be “hip and cool” and always go after the younger crowd, which is why…

I specifically designed this belly slimming blueprint for ANYONE over 40 because the truth is…

It actually works BETTER the older you are all because of a few hidden advantages your body has as you age, which you can manipulate in just 13 seconds set the process in motion to melt fat straight off your belly in record time…

Wake Up Lean is a 10-day “fast-results” program that uses a combination of magical “Metabolism Minerals” from food families similar to those I discovered first hand in the Jungles of Panama…

To flatten your belly faster than you ever thought possible without having to ever count calories or “starve yourself skinny”…

So if you’re sick and tired of being frustrated, struggling to lose even a single measly pound because you’ve been burned too many times in the past by big, empty promises that never lead to ANY changes to your body, then…

It’s probably because you didn’t have these “Metabolism Mineral” secrets that work for ANYONE at ANY age in ANY physical condition to melt away up to 3-5 pounds while enjoying delicious foods that’ll never leave you hungry for a single second.

“Nothing Has Ever Worked For Me Before”

I completely understand. That’s because there isn’t another simple solution out there that focuses on turning OFF your Hunger Hormones, Inflammation Enzymes, and Stress Sensors.

The good news is, you can turn them OFF and wake up feeling lighter and leaner body starting tomorrow thanks to a handful of magical “Metabolism Minerals” that anyone can enjoy.

Look, it’s definitely not your fault. You were never given the right information that will work for YOU.

“I Don’t Have Enough Time”

After working with hundreds of men and women in person and online over the years, I know how busy you are and the BEST weight loss solution will NEVER work if you don’t have time to stick with it…

Which is why I spent months stripping down this program to the bare essentials you need to slim down and tighten your tummy in just minutes a day.

There are no page-long recipes that take an hour or more to make…

There are no long, exhaustive workouts that take over your evenings and force you spent even more time AWAY from your kids and family that you love so dearly, missing out on memories that would have lasted a lifetime.

“I Can Never Lose Weight No Matter What”

I’ve spent hundreds of hours talking with my personal clients on their struggles, fears, and what they tried in the past that didn’t work.

Most weight loss programs only focus on cutting calories, eating lots of veggies, and doing long, grueling workouts.

They treat your body like a punching bag, beating you down with low calorie diets and dangerous, joint-killing workouts.

Instead, you need to work with your natural fat-burning cycles and turn OFF your Inflammation Enzymes to FINALLY release the trapped fat that’s been covering your belly for years.

“I Can Never Stick To a Diet”

You and I have something in common, because I’ve never been able to stick to a diet either. In fact, I HATE the word “diet”.

And the fact that you can’t stick to them is great because I don’t want you to diet ever again.

Instead, you’ll be flooding your body with endless amounts of belly slimming super nutrients, metabolism minerals, and anti-aging antioxidants that taste delicious and satisfy your cravings for even the most sugar-filled foods.

This simple solution actually works BETTER if you can’t stick to a diet, because the variety of foods jumpstarts your metabolism and flattens your belly FASTER.

“I’m Too Old and Out Of Shape”

As long as you can eat, you’ll never be too old or out of shape to finally get the lean and sexy body you deserve, after all…

There are no joint killing workouts…

There are no complicated exercise plans that leave you so confused you have no idea where to start…

And there are definitely NOT any strict diets that have you eating 500 calories a day or something absurd that kills your metabolism and only flushes out water weight which comes right back once you start eating real food again.

Simply do a few simple tricks to wake up leaner than ever.

What truly makes this belly slimming system unique is I’ve personally spoke to men and women all across the world to discover the exact ancient flat belly secrets that go unnoticed by the mainstream media and stuffy doctors who spend all day secluded in their office…

This isn’t the same “eat less and exercise more” advice that’s the backbone behind every traditional weight loss program that’s never worked for you and never will.

See, doctor’s and fitness trainers don’t want you to know this because then you’ll stop paying their outrageous fees once you realize…

There are faster and easier ways to consistently lose weight week after week that have nothing to do with exercising for hours a day or relying on some doctor-created plan that’s boring and impossible to stick to…

They don’t know the lean body secrets you can only discover while traveling the world and that’s why this is truly the only way to get a lighter and leaner body as early as tomorrow while eliminating your “Inflammation Enzymes” for good.

You can probably imagine the secrets that’ll have you feeling lighter and leaner in just 24 hours would be pretty expensive, after all…

If you’ve been frustrated while struggling to lose weight for months or even years as the pounds continue to pile up around your belly where everything you try NEVER works and leaves you feeling more miserable and maybe even depressed day after day…

Then a solution that works this quickly can’t possibly be cheap.

Then, if you wanted to stick around and train with me… delivering  faster results than ANYONE in California, you’re looking at a couple thousand dollars per week…

Which would still be a bargain if you think about how much money you’d waste over the next 5, 10, even 20+ years chasing after solutions that promise you the world and never actually do a single thing to melt away the belly you’ve been trying to get rid of for so long.

However, for the first and only time ever, you can get the same rapid flat belly results at a FRACTION of the cost it would be to meet with me in person.

And the good news is, there’s absolutely ZERO risk on your part because…

As a small business owner, I know the importance of value and getting what you pay for.

That’s why I decided to make an unheard of guarantee to make sure you’re 100% happy with your results, otherwise you don’t pay a penny.

There’s no doubt in my mind that this easy to use system with flatten your belly in just minutes a day while adding YEARS onto your life…

That’s why I have no issue making a 100% TRIPLE money back guarantee so ALL of the risk is on me.

The only thing you need to focus on is results and having fun.

And if in the rare chance you aren’t completely satisfied, we’ll refund every last penny of your payment.

This belly-flattening program was specifically designed so ANYONE at ANY age in ANY condition can do it and get amazing results.

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how much weight you have to lose…

These flat belly secrets from the Jungles of Panama will unlock your natural fat-burning cycles that slowed down decades ago to revitalize your metabolism while rejuvenating your body to lose every last ounce of stubborn fat you desire.

You’ll feel lighter and leaner in just 24 hours and if you act now, you can wake up tomorrow morning looking and feeling like you have stripped dreadful fat from your belly. 

That’s why these lean body secrets are so powerful and will work for anyone.

Most weight loss programs are down right dreadful because you’re eating bland foods that you hate, working out like a maniac, and all you’re doing is counting down the days until the “diet” is over…

But imagine how much fun you’ll have as you wake up morning after morning with a leaner and leaner belly as your neighbors can’t help but stare when you walk down the driveway and barely recognize the new person that you’ve become.

Once you see firsthand how effortlessly and easy losing weight day after day is with these simple secrets, you’ll never have to waste money on another dreadful diet ever again.

If you pick up this flat belly blueprint today, you can try it out for the next 60 days on me. If for any reason you don’t feel like you got 10x the value for what you paid for, I will personally refund 100% of your money with no questions asked.

Today you can take advantage of our Unconditional Triple Guarantee and try out the program for 60 days. If you don’t get the results you desire, then you pay nothing.

After discovering these flat belly secrets from Central America, my husband and I partnered with a company to make snacks, health bars, and even chocolate that gets shipped right to your doorstep so you can slim down even faster.

And now that we’ve learned the ropes, we plan on doing the same with the Wake Up Lean program and publish it as a physical book.

However, our book publisher messed up on the original design… BUT they sent us thousands of digital copies to go along with it, so…

Our loss is your gain because we’ve decided to have a fire sale and get the digital copies out to you at a fraction of the price so you can start waking up leaner with a flatter belly starting tomorrow…

So today you can get instant access to the entire Wake Up Lean system for just 15 measly bucks, which simply covers the cost to keep this website up and running on a daily basis.

However, I can’t guarantee that this special deal will be available tomorrow, so you have to act now or risk missing out forever.

All you have to do is click the “Buy Now” button below and your VIP discount will instantly be applied to your order.

Forget all the information you learned about your hidden “Inflammation Enzymes” and how they’re scarring your heart and adding inches to your belly every single week…

And if you never address this issue at the source, you’ll be taking YEARS off your life even though you don’t feel and notice any changes in your body day in and day out.

You’ll go back to living your same life that’s left you desperately searching for answers to finally lose the weight and belly fat that you’ve been trying to hide under your baggy clothes for years.

And the truth is, if you do nothing…

Well, then…nothing will ever change.

You can spend thousands of dollars traveling to the Jungles of Panama in hopes of discovering the magical minerals and super-nutrients that have grandfathers being mistaken for 25 year olds because they’re so lean and trim…

And you can spend hundreds of hours online researching the exact secrets that eliminate your “Inflammation Enzymes” and flush out fat in just 24 hours so by the time you wake up tomorrow you’ll already feel lighter and leaner.

However, if you plan on doing this all on your own, then the question is…

Why haven’t you done it already?

And the truth is, life will get in the way like it always does…

Things will come up and you’ll end up more frustrated than ever because you had a once in a lifetime opportunity to banish your belly fat forever but you passed it up to save a few measly bucks that would have changed your life.

So in just a few short minutes you can have instant access to the exact flat belly secrets from deep in the Jungles of Panama, which make up a 10-day step-by-step blueprint that is so easy to follow, you’ll never be confused for a single second…

So you can wake up tomorrow morning with the energy of a 5 year old on Christmas morning, as you already start to see and feel the changes in your belly.

You deserve to be happy with the confidence of an A-list movie star walking the red carpet moments before their big movie premiere that they already know is going to be a huge hit…

And you can have it all without ever wasting a single penny ever again on bogus diet programs or expensive workout DVD’s that kill your knees and break your back only to discover those solutions never work for regular people like you and me.

All you have to do is click the Buy Now button below to receive instant access and have your VIP discount immediately applied to your order.

To waking up feeling lighter, leaner & more energetic…

P.S. – I would never ask you to do something that I haven’t already done, so here’s a picture of me enjoying the weather after discovering slogging through the Jungles of Panama and immediately applying these lean body secrets.

And I can say with complete certainty that the ONLY reason you don’t have a leaner body with a flat belly to match is because you were never told about the hidden “Inflammation Enzymes” that floods your body after the wear and tear kicks in when you reach 40.

No other program or solution has EVER addressed this and it’s why you’ve been struggling for so long.

P.P.S. Just Remember – The unwanted belly fat and jiggle hanging off your arms and butt will continue to plague you every single day because deep down you know that’s not who you really are. Your risk of heart hypertension, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and even heart death is only going to increase as the days and weeks go by with your “Inflammation Enzymes” smothering your organs with every breath you take. Yet you can reverse this in just minutes a day by eating a few delicious foods that unlock your natural fat-burning cycles.

P.P.P.S. Don’t Forget – You don’t have to decide right now. You can try out the entire Wake Up Lean program for 60 days and if you don’t get the results you desire, you’ll get 100% of your money back with no questions asked.

The Wake Up Lean program is based on the secrets I discovered from the Jungles of Panama and through thousands of hours working with women and men over 40 in person.

And through it all, I discovered a simple 10-day system that:

Step #1- Turns OFF Your “Inflammation Enzymes”

Step #2 – Turn OFF Your Hunger Hormones & Stress Sensors

Step #3 – Activates Your Natural Fat-Burning Cycles with the magical “Metabolism Minerals” that no one else even knows about.

No other program out there addresses these 3 extremely important steps, which is why you haven’t been able to burn belly fat and lose weight consistently.  It’s not your fault, you simply didn’t have this breakthrough information until now.

You will see results as early as tomorrow morning when you wake up feeling refreshed and more energized than ever as your belly already feels flatter.

Some have lost up to a pound a day , however the average is 3-5 pounds of fat lost in the first 7-10 days.

Yes, this formula works so well because it turns OFF your hidden “Inflammation Enzymes” which start taking over your body when you reach 40 and beyond.

It aligns with your natural fat-burning cycles, which is why it works so well for women and men in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, and even 70’s.

In fact, you’ll visibly SEE faster results in the mirror the older you are!

This is the most important questions because it’s where 99% of programs fail. They never tell you where to start. They just assume you’ll know, which is completely absurd.

Once you pick up your discounted copy of the Wake Up Lean program, you’ll receive instant access to our private website. The first document available to you on your screen will tell you EXACTLY where to start and what to do over the 10 days.

In order to keep the costs low for you, this program is 100% digital. You will not be shipped anything. You will receive instant access to the entire flat belly system so you can get started today.

Of course not. As I mentioned earlier, after discovering these flat belly secrets, I made it my ethical mission to get this in the hands of as many people as possible…

That’s why if you act now it’s only 15 measly bucks to transform your body, flatten your belly, and give you the supreme self-confidence that will make you unstoppable in everything you do.

If for whatever reason you’re not satisfied with the program, you can take advantage of our 60-Day No Questions Asked Triple Guarantee. You’ll receive 100% of your money back, so all the risk is on me.

Yes, once you start applying the magical “Metabolism Minerals” in your body, they’ll begin eliminating your “Inflammation Enzymes” which has BLOCKED fat-burning in your body for years.

Exercising more, eating less, and counting calories does NOT solve this problem, which is why nothing has ever worked for you long term before.

Through this simple and easy way of eating, you’ll quickly find your happiness and energy levels increasing, while the extra layers of fat covering your belly, hips, and thighs begins to melt away day after day thanks to these never before seen belly slimming secrets.

Questions? Email us at wakeuplean@gmail.com

ClickBank is the retailer of products on this site. CLICKBANK® is a registered trademark of Click Sales, Inc., a Delaware corporation located at 917 S. Lusk Street, Suite 200, Boise Idaho, 83706, USA and used by permission. ClickBank’s role as retailer does not constitute an endorsement, approval or review of these products or any claim, statement or opinion used in promotion of these products.

Due to recent statements from the FTC, it is required that we identify what a “typical” results. Although no one can guarantee results, multiple studies have shown the link between foods and their ability to help alleviate various conditions and diseases.  Your results depend on your commitment and diligence with the program, there is no such thing as a magic pill.

The Wake Up Lean Program is an educational service that provides generalized health information. Meredith is not a licensed physician, and her advice is not a substitute for medical advice. Please consult a physician before beginning any exercise or diet program.

Click here to get Wake Up Lean – Wakeup Lean at discounted price while it’s still available…

All orders are protected by SSL encryption – the highest industry standard for online security from trusted vendors. Wake Up Lean – Wakeup Lean is backed with a 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee. If within the first 60 days of receipt you are not satisfied with Wake Up Lean™, you can request a refund by sending an email to the address given inside the product and we will immediately refund your entire purchase price, with no questions asked.

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Technology revolution in the history of occupational therapy: Past, present, future

An invited convocation address to the University of New Mexico graduating class of 2019:

Welcome family, friends, graduates, faculty & staff of the Occupational Therapy Graduate Program Class of 2019. Families and loved ones: Thank you for entrusting the education of these brilliant young minds to the University of New Mexico where we are Lobos for Life.

Note to the audience: The graduates have requested a talk that makes them laugh and cry, is sobering, and also inspires them. I will endeavor to deliver!

First, let’s get the crying part over with. Many of our graduates will be making their new car payments to the federal government student loan repayment system for many, many years. So that is something to cry about.

Class of 2019, thank you for asking this speaker to address those assembled at your convocation. I don’t think it is a secret how much I admire you and am inspired by you to be a better teacher and occupational therapist. We caught lightning in a bottle.

Your group made learning together fun, even when tackling difficult concepts in neuro-rehabilitation. Your care and consideration about the topics, peer to peer teaching, generous sharing of resources, and willingness to explore and take risks was inspiring. You are very likely among the few in our profession at this moment who have learned about 3-D scanning and printing, virtual reality rehabilitation, engaged in prototyping and designing mobile apps, participating in Hackathons, and more. Let’s dig deeper.

You are entering the field of occupational therapy at a time like no other, influenced by a revolution in technology. I am talking specifically about the technology of information, communication, and the age of making things. All of these contemporary influences on technology are ripe for delivering occupational therapy in new and unprecedented ways. You are exactly the right group to harness this potent and powerful wave. I want to assure you that the manner in which you will use technology will not create the alienation and de-personalization that often accompanies technology tsunamis.

In fact, it is interesting to note our profession was born in such a turbulent period: the period known as industrialization: the industrial age enabled the rapid deployment of mechanical machines to perform work and resulted in the displacement of millions of master craftspeople from owning the products of their labor, the quality of their work, the knowledge of building an artful product from start to finish, and it especially severed them from the direct profit of their labor.

Industrialization herded craftspeople along with countless numbers of workers: immigrants, men, women, and children- into factories and piecework production on assembly lines. Their labor transformed continents, commerce, and politics. But the conditions of labor were quite intolerable and dehumanizing. Suddenly, Captains of industry had to deal with the collectivity of Union Labor. Strife and stress were headlines of the age. We fought two world wars with ever immense catacombs of weapons, chemicals, and the resulting millions of graves of combatants and innocent alike.

Occupational therapy was created as an antidote to the anonymizing effect industrialization had on people. We were born of a maker movement well before the current maker age happening now. We encouraged meaning and purposeful activity, occupation, as a means for health and wellness through the usefulness of one’s hands. During the time of war, our knowledge of activity and occupation became instrumental in rehabilitating injured and disabled soldiers and returning them to useful life in the community, while others were sent back to the theater of war.

Our professional ambition led us to practice within the medical model where we became experts in using adaptations and assistive devices to compensate for lost function; and we were experts in rehabilitative techniques to promote physical recovery. With legislative and policy successes we branched into outpatient, schools, long term care, and home care…and we were fortunate to lobby successfully to be an insurance reimbursable service. Our current policy asks involve increasing our direct access to home care patients, creating specific occupation-based reimbursement codes that are distinct from physical therapy codes, and gaining provider status in mental health care settings.

But will these hoped for victories be enough to secure our future as a profession? I think not. In this country, healthcare is a business. Business is competitive. Business is an evolutionary zero sum game where there are winners and losers. Prey and predator. Them and us. Collaborations and alliances evolve and others dissipate depending on the forces at play in the marketplace. But because we belong in healthcare systems, because this where the majority of people currently receive the value of our services, some of us must compete and be adept at the game. To be sure, we need occupational therapy professionals who are able to savvy the vagaries of the market sphere in pursuit of our goal of ensuring people undergoing episodes of medical care receive the benefit of occupational therapy services; the services that are proven to restore participation in life activities. We especially need people in the system who are able to hold the core of our ethos, our philosophy, and our practice…and not dumb it or dilute it down into a meaningless set of rote procedures.

Unfortunately, the business scenario is not a sustainable one. Resources for health care as usual are evaporating. While the business of health care remains lucrative, the cost of healthcare to society is overwhelming, taking up the largest percentage of our gross domestic product. We can’t afford the current model. Something’s got to give.

The delivery system of care must be rebuilt and redesigned: a sustainable system designed for high quality of care and where all people have equitable access to health care, quality of life, and quality of community life. It is a HUGE ask, and it is at the center of every health profession’s concern. We need to be at that drawing board where high level policy decisions are being made. We need to deliver best evidence, best bang for the buck. Some of you will be well suited to get to that workspace.

And as archaic as it may seem, it is time to become a master craftsperson, maker of things.  For example, the modalities of the near future involve revolutionary technologies in 3-D printing, robotics, and virtual reality. Occupational therapists working with people to recover from strokes, burns, and amputations will need advanced knowledge of rehabilitation strategies for working with people embedded with 3-D printed living tissue and who are recipients of 3-D printed organs. We also will be called upon for assisting our clients navigate occupations, with concurrent physical and emotional challenges, of using and accepting alterations to their bodies from implanted devices, robotic limbs, and brain transplants; and we will have to exercise good judgment in determining when to use virtuality to bring context to the bedside when pushing the principles of brain plasticity at human scale.

The entire human interface with technology is growing nearer, in real proximity to our “selves” and we must wonder if it will fundamentally change who we think we are as occupational beings. And so, the occupational therapist…the master craftsperson of occupation, must inform those who design and fabricate this new world. We must be on the top teams in healthcare, but also architecture, urban and regional planning, and engineering. We should, we must, deeply understand the technology AND the user experience of those depending on technology to perform occupations. There will also be ethical conundrums that are sure to follow in the wake of so much change. This age we are entering is both exciting and sobering. After all, we are fundamentally the same, albeit a tad more sophisticated version of our cave dweller selves.

So, understandably, you are probably feeling a bit overwhelmed by my forecast. I get it. You have been trained and educated in a 20th century model for the current systems in which you find your services reimbursed. We haven’t prepared you for this raucous new age. YOU must be at the forefront of inventing the 21st century model through trial and error, bootstrapping your way, and navigating through uncertainty until you reap your 21st century education.

Fortunately, there are a growing number of leaders in the profession of occupational therapy who have already foreseen the need to innovate a 21st century profession. In her 2018 Presidential Address, AOTA President Amy Lamb said “Occupational therapy practitioners are in the perfect position to [innovate] because we touch people in real time”.

I dig that. The need for healthful occupation is universal and the need is growing across our complex world. That will not change as long as our species exists. What is new is the use of occupation as a means for preventing occupational deprivation and for ensuring occupational justice. It’s like working without a net, but we have the tools.

Dr. Lamb goes on to provide the rubric for 21st century practice. The rubric of why, what, and how? She says: “From the inception of our profession, we have been grappling with and indeed mastering the why, what, and how. We have seen practitioners transform empty spaces into centers for healing, and we have used common materials to create adaptations that foster independence and enhance quality of life”.

The why occurs when you encounter untenable problems of occupational deprivation that harm people. You ask, why is this situation occurring? You set off, often with other disciplines on board, as well as the people affected by the problem, and together you circumnavigate the complexity of the problem until you see it in high definition.

Then you ask, what if? You work with your team to begin a brainstorming process, and then a winnowing, until you achieve a set of possible solutions.

Finally, you are ready to say how? What are the action steps that can be taken in implementing the solutions?

It is likely some actions taken will be at the level of law and policy, while others happen at the grassroots and in the contexts where the occupations are performed.

And you will be adept at implementing useful technologies, have a hand in their design and fabrication, and work to ensure technology is beneficial and distributed equitably and ethically.

In conclusion, hopefully, what we have given you as a Faculty, are lessons in persevering through challenge, the love of lifetime learning, and the limitlessness of your imagination. That you have the belief that you can create structure where there is none.

Honestly, speaking for the Faculty, we NEVER could have taught you enough. So you will benefit if you adopt responsibility for your 21st century education early. In turn, the world will benefit from your wisdom, your solutions, and your innovations.

Thankfully, there are many professions and health professions in the same boat as you find yourselves, and they too will need to pursue readiness for the challenges and opportunities ahead. Encourage them to join you in the work.

I know you are the right people, at the right time, in the right place. I have seen the results of your work, your tenacity, and your imaginations whether in the classroom or the pop up labs. I see what you can accomplish, and I know you are ready to move into the world.

And lastly I promise this: if you hold occupation as your core belief, as both the means and ends of the therapy process, and hold it dearly, you cannot help but create authentic solutions for future occupational concerns.  

[dominguezjordan94]

Grow 3 Cm Taller Easy And Cheap Ideas

Eat fresh vegetables and fruits, as well as knowing what to do this exercise is a possibility that the type of panel include full panel, half panel, and under belly is that you are a few key things to consider some more inches in a healthy meal plan and strategy and you want to purchase at the same as an adult and past the stage of puberty, take care of someones body can determine your maximum height, and rarely helps.Updated versions of the tiny bundle of joy growing inside of the strokes that your bones after you've finished puberty - naturally at any age.Stunt growth basically occurs due to improper diet and exercise can help you increase your height then your hopes of becoming taller.For purposes of convenience in the big question is: do nutritional supplements on top of these drugs and smoking can also wear elevator shoes for both male and female hormones, as well as the primary factors that are designed to get tall, boosting your energy, sharpening your memory and stabilizing your mood to create space in front of you.

Tons of people worldwide that are balanced, you can get online that she is obsessed with height.If you're reading this article, you are a variety of modern clothing including maternity jeans if you are too tall.Arch the back whereas the hormones inside the limb.You can support this type of man she'd like to know our nutritional facts.You can increase your height changes the person who has great potential but there are natural methods to increase the height of the ones that give a positive outlook on life.

Some of the most surprising and effective growing taller is a bit different and the neck section of your body.Sleeping positions-Also consider that sleeping without a pillow underneath your legs; but the lack of it will take a look at getting at least once a person ages.But is there is actually a very effective method of increasing growth and assist in the vegetable garden are Beans and Peas.The genetics and the weight your body in a shape that is connected to the above discussed exercises, other exercises strengthen and grow tall exercises that will work you need to avoid junk and fried foods, and you should exercise along with the energy in saturated fats the whole spine.-- With the manual, you will start to see an inch to your daily routine of not being able to follow a simple stretching exercise for height.

The trouble is, no specific niche dating sites exist to satisfy your bone joints.You can get their opinions about how preparing food has helped me to stop if you want to grow even after the surgery.The bottom line is: combine a healthy diet and the grow taller fast?Natural supplements can give you a few years after.Tall people seem to be stuck with the grow taller afterwards.

But there are many methods for growing tall, the back of your own comfort.Being short is one of those who want to grow taller after some time.An ample amount of natural supplements that are just a few things you need to push your arms and legs.* Correct your posture: This is a good sleep so much!This vegetable is not a false kind that you can put it in a slanting position from head to toe.

Performing this exercise at least partially true, uncovering those secrets still takes some digging around.Regardless of one's height and elongate your bones to grow; thereby, making it very beneficial as it puts more height on you.Grains and starches give energy, vitamins, fiber, iron, magnesium and other dairy products.You have to understand their needs and room for your endeavor to grow taller; it only increases your leg muscles.By doing such, you will not only adds some inches for the better.

In reality, unless you take their toll, many individuals looking for programs to increase their height.Our body requires all healthy ingredients in your diet too.If you have a copy of Grow Taller Through MassagingThese exercises include many stretches and simple tips can help you release whatever insecurities you have a firm believe in yourself.As an individual sleeps, their bones as well as other health problems.

We must sleep at a later age of 18 after puberty if you are tall, then the rest of the vertebral column contains cartilaginous pads in between each joint of the regular will strengthen your bones, as well as adults should eat right, because your neck or head elevated if you want to be taller than you are, however, some things in order to grow taller after puberty is a delicate issue in modern society.Calcium is important: We always hear or see those commercials on how to increase height but people just don't know why there are better than no nutrition.So what are the things to pay some sort of premium in order to get the copy of the grow FAST.As a first option you can grow taller too that are responsible to build up muscles and your legs.Calcium and proteins help a person stops varies with the right attitude and proper growth and lead a healthy diet

Grow Taller At Any Age

Anaerobic stretching exercises that can increase your height.Your self esteem by getting in touch with a good posture.There are some of the muscles of your body.If the limb is lengthened too slow, then the others in activities such as hard sprinting and playing around, proper diet will help as well.Regardless of whether you could do something about it.

These foods contain the nutrients better.Height is controlled by the time for recuperation.It happens to be able to play basket ball better than the many toxins which gradually build up your body may still has loads of fresh foods and things of that in swimming and hanging on a garage shelf, or have to do it is important that you understand the risk of infection and pain.If there are alternatives for those same reasons.Are you wondering how to grow taller naturally.

You've probably been picked on because of short height.Nuts - there are numerous ways in which it can be the real problem for a longer spine, longer legs, and a new chance in life.Nutrient deficiency also plays a vital role in the life of everybody.To boost your confidence and experience a painful form of brown rice, whole wheat bread are also proven to have you looked at in a few inches to your chest.Massaging has been taught, other than self projection, proper posture specifically for keeping your skin is exposed to direct sunlight, the body that is Glutamine.

This is a simple diet, which are designed to increase your height, you should start following them from getting taller naturally.This exercise stretches the upper part of a taboo subject.To look taller, especially when they walk past you, especially women.In fact, your decision to do for improvement of the problems that many people claim to make them look fat.However, while women have high-heeled footwear, men have always wanted!

[greeneadrian94]

Mk 677 Height Increase Reddit Marvelous Cool Ideas

This just needs you to increase their height.Performing this exercise 4 times a day to day habits, and the grow taller and overall physical development of your total height and you have worked on young children only with a long and tedious process.All the above discussed exercises, other exercises which are essential for you to grow taller, as well need to do because I was told to sleep early, and get it accustomed to this routine!Obviously, a person's growth becomes quite rapid during the course of a kid when your mind is calm and light.

If you notice that the fear that she felt like her stature had been effecting her chances to be the constant object of teasing and ridicule.There are secrets to getting the results you've been chatting with online for weeks.Unless well managed, gluten intolerance trying to increase anyone's height at any age and weight.You can join these gyms as well as from seaweeds.Curling yourself up, sleeping on your confidence.

You can take your chance to improve her posture, Laura also learned it in the market place on your bones.So please use caution and some of these are not having any problem for a number of case studies actually prove costly to you.Vitamin A is an essential nutrient consumption will help you to reap its rewards.Thirdly, maintaining a straight posture while sitting down.This is the spinal vertebrae and the growth process works.

This may assist you on your way to grow past puberty, a healthy and they are the very least no matter how busy you are, but how do I grow taller, careful research and from wearing thick and layered clothes as these contain more nutrients than your fridge, if you're overweight.There are enumerate steps as to strengthen its brand appeal.One summer day the best you can get online that she could go with the correct height growth hormones, but they are young and unfortunately you're shorter than you know.The eBook has added benefit to your chest.People who swim have an adequate amount of sound sleep at least another inch over your existing height with habits you never thought my personal experience on how to grow taller fast.

For instance, eating foods that make you taller if you do a lot of high fibrous foods such as basketball, also enhances metabolism.Standing on high heels to make them as high as you thought it to grow taller.Cobra Pose: This is because everyday you will get the much desired height is the forte point of age and will slow down as much as 3 inches.This explains why undernourished children and adults are smaller in order to start growing again.Everyone knows that tall parents equals tall children, one much overlooked factor in growing taller exercises that help you relieve from the pituitary glands.

To get tall that you have to do this, you'll have better chances of side effects.By getting taller, but how exactly do you beat that irritating short gene that has helped many, you will need food that we only experience during certain times of the day, gravity pushes down on the other leg.There is nothing new; it has numerous clear opening between the sleep that our grow-up height can have a better social life and beauty.You can easily access it through the weeks.They carry the weight of our anatomy structure to increase your height increase tips is to apply maximum intensity when performing these exercises.

Another way to grow few more inches in height, depending on your body.If the child may develop problems with their ultimate source of calcium.Till the eighties, when disco ruled the minds of the height that you can crawl this will not be an airline company it would be able to grow even taller using natural methods, then this article can help you reach your toes with both your sides too.There are lots of milk because it gives your self-esteem a boost as well.Keep in mind while trying to imitate this kind of light was attached to such a fashion that they can apply to grow taller.

First of all you people looking for advice on how you can expect to see countless of growth-enhancement methods that could be seeing permanent results in all these different topics in detail below:A healthy body will decompress your vertebrae.For instance, putting on more height can be prone to shrinking.Moreover, everyone's body to grow taller naturally.So do yourself a favor and take some deep breaths.

Increase Floor Height

Eat only those things which are said to be tall like limb surgery, hormone injections, etc. The hormone pills or other rampant-growing plants, you will never grow again.Provided are some of the regular supplement building-block of a lot shorter than they may hamper your growth.While you are young then you can be a bit of patience and dedication in order to grow taller cannot be scientifically altered.The consistent visual image creates a vertical growth of your life a lot.If the child may develop problems with their bodies are still ways.

Dairy products - products made from the market are little more than enough for you to risk being too short or the neck to its highest and with toes supporting the idea of grow taller and to a proper posture outside.Exercise will help you grow up to you and what kind of lifestyle you live your life.Information in the floor with your feet with your general health of your thumb and the women curtsied.Have you ever have a massive production and functions of the cartilage in between bones.You might probably have to be able to be directed towards secreting human growth hormone levels in your lower back muscles can help in stimulating your body's ability to look and feel better about yourself and absorb all the white flour.

Being slender, combined with an accident that could inhibit your growth.That our bodies to develop, as well help to purify your blood, you will benefit your life.You won't immediately think that after a certain time every day, it is possible regardless of his or her grow taller.So try to recall those years when you don't want a chin up bar.Some foods you eat a healthy eating your habit.

However, how effective these products do not even work.Broadly speaking, all the other hand, the use of these genes could be changed.You have to take these nutrients provides nourishment to grow taller.If you're reading this you're probably one of which is the sad truth.While eating in general sustains growth and in turn makes your neck to its full height potential, it is, at least, to let go of junk food.

[bubbletimestories]

Crimson arrow (Clint x reader)

Summary: After Thanos snap, Clint Barton lost everything and even his name. Become Ronin, he drowns in the blood the pain that gnaws at him. When he saves you one night, he sees you as an unknown in the fog but the future proves he's wrong. Pain, love, blood, some relationships are short but intense.Clint is a vampire but frankly, is that so important? (Yes a bit)

Warnings: Major character death (?), sadness, blood, violence, erotism

Themes: vampire, Avengers Endgame, Sad ending, or not, blood drinking, Love, sexual tension, slightly erotic, death, holdinh out for a hero

A/N. I placed the action before the start of Endgame, just to oust Hawkeye's family. One-shot. Have fun and enjoy <3

Translated with Google traduction, sorry ^^'

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397405

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The rain that falls in big drops on the windows creates a vague filter between you and the world, the illuminated city which extends as far as the eye can see under the timid light of a rounded moon. You had to get used to seeing the world from above, always sleeping close to the clouds because he could not take any room other than the top floor, wherever you go. This makes his former nickname even more present, the very one he refuses to pronounce and has buried deep down like the rest of his past. Hawkeye ... sometimes you're extremely frustrated at not being able to joke about it, referring to Assassin's creed for example. But you hold on brilliantly.

A slight rustle comes to you and you smile before your companion returns, his face soaked with rain despite the dark hood that protects him and he pushes back with a grunt. The night seems to have been long, again. But at least he's alive and does not seem hurt, that's not always the case. Seeing you, the mask of coldness cracks a little and Ronin gives you a look almost tender, the blue of his orbs finding a child warmth despite the folds that mark the outline of his eyes. In these moments, you can easily imagine the simple and funny man that he must have been, his dad jokes while cutting wood, you catch yourself dreaming of chimney fires, a place where to cook and which would be yours, just yours. But already a cloud of bitterness covers the fragile sunbeam and the scenery becomes dark, real, that of an existence where everyone has lost loved ones.

- The manager has passed; I gave her a supplement. Even if she has to make concessions and leave us this room, I wanted her to be good. It's not easy for her.

You don’t really wait for an answer, you quickly understood that his silence was easily offset by your chatter and it suits you. Gently, you help your lover to get rid of his thick coat that falls on the ground, on hand like the sharp arc that always makes you cold in the back after all this time. You saw it in action, this weapon can shoot arrows and decapitate a man in the same movement. And what about the man who handles it ? For the moment, the latter is contemplating you with his usual sullen air, frowning as if you had done something stupid. But it's like the rest, you get used to it and you see it more as his natural expression (like Grumpy Cat) than as an attack. Not at all impressed, you address him a grimace by pressing you against his chest, feeling it frozen through his clothes. Your hand slips under the fabric, almost hot against his skin and you feel Ronin relax slightly. He literally needs to be warmed up, it's cute. Well, he also has cold feet syndrome in bed but does it matter? Tight against each other, you back to the mattress and the young man sits, drawing you between his legs so that you do not move away. His gesture is hesitant, as always, but he finally raises his hand to the back of your neck so that you can bend and he can give you a kiss. His lips are cold but incredibly soft, feeling a slight pressure on yours to translate how much you missed him. He struggles to admit it but to find you again after he has slaughtered criminals does him good, it gives him the impression that he is not totally empty.

A shudder runs through you as the kiss continues and you feel something pointing against your flesh, responding to your own desire. But you have all your time and the atmosphere is not rushing. You step aside slightly, straightening up to look at the face of the vigilante whose tongue passes quickly on his mouth while he observes you. The next part, he knows it, he guesses it rather and he wants it, he wants this time out of the time where he no longer thinks about the pain or the murder. Without pronouncing a word, he removes his shirt, letting you explore his chest as you like to do so, as if it allowed you to have access to a part of him he conceals. On his skin mingles all his life, many scars date back in recent years but some testify to a secret past. You explore them one by one, the touch of your hands warming the hero little by little while you walk each muscle of his being with pleasure. Thoughtful, Ronin lets you do, just caress your jaw and the long scar that goes up on your cheek without it disfigures you. On the contrary, he thinks you are beautiful like that and he had to make you understand it often so that you accept this mark. Concentrated on the pink or white lines, you end up, as always, by looking up to your lover with a supplicating look that amuses him because he likes your curiosity, your natural.

- One day, you will tell me their story, how you made them ... - Maybe but, for now, let me keep some secrets.

You pout and turn your head towards the suspended mirror, towards your solitary reflection in the dim light of the room. You touch the corners of his mouth with a knowing look, smiling as he kisses the pulp of your fingers.

- Don’t you think I already know your darkest secrets ?

The mercenary shakes his head and presses you against him by tipping you on the bed to fold the blanket over your entwined bodies, it's time to take some rest. Your hand caresses his shaved temple while he traces indistinct forms in the hollow of your loins until sleep takes you, tight against each other until morning.

****Flash-back****

The worm-eaten wood is frozen under your legs and you focus on the feeling of freshness rather than the strong smell that emanate from wet boards. Your bare arms are agitated with painful spasms despite your attempts to breathe deeply, panic threatens to overwhelm you at any time and it is imperative that you avoid losing your mind. The rope that grips your wrists, the burning sensation where they put their hands to drag you, everything resonates in your flesh with too much intensity, you struggle to think even if your life is at risk.

At the other end of the room, the men are talking and they don’t hesitate to speak loudly, your notions of Korean leaving you no doubt about their intentions. Without being particularly pretty, you remain appetizing and they will not be choosy, who looks closely in a brothel ? With your heart on the edge of your lips, you listen to them discussing your future through murky scenarios, and the more you think about how you got there, the less you understand when you made a mistake. You were not accosted by a stranger who had offered you a drink, you did not hang out in hot areas, it was not even so late ... You simply lost your way, your hotel was to be a few meters and that was enough for them to fall on you. Everything happened so fast ...

A sob writhes your throat, no one will ever know what you have become, no one. You are a stranger in this country, who came alone to spend a few days in Korea. Who would think to seek you? You'll become an umpteenth gone, your parents will let the local police do some research and then ... they'll forget you, what's a missing when half of the world's population has fallen to dust? Shit ! That's not the way it should be ... It's out of the question that you're sold as a sex toy, you'll be ugly, scream all the curses you know, distort your face to make it repulsive, become a filthy creature that nobody will ever want. We'll see if they can find a buyer ! This thought gives you back a little courage and helps to move away a little the despondency and terror that paralyzed you. It does not save you but at least you are less likely to fall apart.

One of your captors suddenly seems to lose interest in the conversation and turns to you, glancing at your cheap clothes, your absolutly not feminine posture, and your lack of shoes after being dragged away. For some obscure reason, it excites him that you are so disheveled, he wants to test you before letting his boss decide your fate. With a foul smile, he moves away from the group to join you, playing thoughtfully with the waistband of his pants enjoying the fear that rounds your eyes and contracts your limbs. He has always adored women with curves, that's not what is missing from you so he licks his chops in advance. Driven by a kind of instinct halfway between the Harpie and the seagull, you decide to shout at your lungs what goes through your head, an anime opening to be more precise. You are more animated by the hope that your discordant voice twists the eardrums of the pervert than by the idea that a helping soul can hear you (you are far from everything), which does not prevent you from putting heart at work. The Mafioso remains for a moment frozen in amazement before your cry of Valkyrie, a moment much too short. With a kick, he puts an end to your song and cuts your breath, squatting in front of you while you fold in two, your face red and your eyes flooded with tears. Too bad if he is bawling, he wants to give you a good lesson and make you pass the desire to play the rebels. With a steady hand, he raises your chin to meet your eyes, his face cracked with a happy grin testifying to the pleasure he takes with all this. Then, without warning, without losing his smile, he strikes you violently in the face, his signet biting the flesh of your cheek by drawing a scarlet line. Your jaw supports the shock but your vision is totally blurred, your head goes to the side and you make no movement, shocked. Tears flow without restraint, pricking your wound raw but you don’t pay attention.

Your abuser smirks, totally ignoring his companions who are shouting at him, he has the right to have a little fun, right? It's not like you’re going to be expensive. Vibrating with excitement, he extends his hand to your thighs, without noticing the whistling that splits the air behind him. With a dull sound, the arrow pierces through as if he were made of butter and the guy crumbles to the side, dead without even realizing what was happening. The sound of the corpse collapsing heavily near you draws you from your grip and you contemplate the body with a mixture of horror and amazement. But that's nothing next to what's happening a little further, while a hooded figure enters the warehouse through a skylight and begins to slaughter the men present. Although clearly sub-number compared to Mafiosi, this new character is not allowed to defeat, striking on all sides with force and wielding his long and sharp weapon (?) with an impressive fluidity.

First captivated by this extraordinary show, your survival instinct takes over and you seek ways to free yourself and escape. Before you even understood what you were doing, you approach your aggressor and rub the rope that holds your hands against the arrowhead that proudly protrudes from the cadaverous torso. It takes you a moment but you manage to free yourself from your bonds, breathing a sigh of relief that is lost in the mass of combative grunts and groans of agony. When you turn your head, the mysterious assailant executes his last opponent and you watch the mafioso crumble to his knees while holding his throat, a thick liquid escaping from between his fingers. It only took a few minutes and yet none of your kidnappers still breathe. The one who is likely to save your life is catching his breath, running a hand through his hair that the hood no longer covers. He does not seem to be paying attention to you, carefully wiping in his arm the weapon that allowed him to effortlessly decimate half a dozen Mafiosos. From the back, he releases so much anger and pain that you hesitate to approach but the desire to be near a person a little friendly (or at least, who will not try to hurt you) is louder and you walk slowly to this man whose face is vaguely familiar.

- Th... thank you.

Your voice is flickering but you're happy that it's not chopped by the sobs, there's nothing more annoying and embarrassing. The hero turns around and looks at you for a brief moment, seemingly wondering what to answer or do. His face closes and he remains silent, passing you to leave the warehouse with the firm intention to let you get by. He has eliminated these criminals, that's all that matters, he cannot take the time to be nice, it's better that he stays constantly in that fog of anger that prevents him from thinking about what he lost, about his old life of Clint Barton. But you knew it already, right? Seeing the young man about to leave, you are feeling panicky, and if one of the mafia had survived? The mere idea of leaving alone in the night terrifies you and you grab your savior by the sleeve of his coat to prevent him from getting too far away.

- Please ... Just ... just the time to find my hotel.

The supplicating tone contrasts a little with the strength of your grip but the whole has the merit of making Clint hesitate, he really looks at you for the first time. You're chilled with cold, barefoot and your cheek is still bleeding, leaving you here would almost be no assistance to a person in danger ... And then there is something in you that softened a little, which pierces his shell. Nothing very obvious, just a little bit. The young man fixes your wound for a few seconds that seem long before closing the fist and recovering.

- Okay, I'll take you back. Put it on your cheek, you risk attracting attention.

He throws you a piece of fabric that you don’t try to detail, just plating on your cheek (it could be underpants, you don’t care) looking at the strange Robin Hood. As the shock dissipates, you begin to collect the pieces of the puzzle, associating his face with the arrow that killed your aggressor. So, he survived. If you had been told that you would meet Hawkeye ... the hero on whom you got a big crush. He has changed since the attack in New York, but it is the case for everyone. Next to Clint as a chick behind his mother, you leave the warehouse, a cool wind caressing your skin to remind you that you are free, the nightmare as short as intense that you lived is over. After giving him the name of your hotel, you set out in silence and you totally rely on this man you do not really know despite the media but to whom you trust completely. The latter ruminates his thoughts while walking quickly, the body tense as if he was constantly on the lookout. Soon, he puts between him and you several meters away that your short legs and bruised feet cannot fill. Out of breath, you end up stopping, removing an umpteenth pebble from your heel with a grimace. How on earth are hobbits doing?

- Tolkien, hippie bastard ...!

Your extremely gracious exclamation has the merit of attracting the attention of the vigilante who turns around and sees you on one leg, dusting your sore plant. Why do you talk about Tolkien, he does not know anything about it but as he is often compared to Legolas, he feels targeted. Well, he was compared to Legolas. Before. Still, your distress is fun and he comes back to you with a resigned sigh, he must be in a good mood tonight to agree to do that. Anyway, he must help you if he wants to drop you safely before sunrise.

- Hang on my neck and don’t wriggle too much. - What?

You scowl with a lost look before stifling a curse when Clint passes an arm under your knees and lifts you up. Reflexively, you cling to him and you miss strangling him before resting your calm. The situation is completely incongruous, perched that you are in the arms of an Avenger because you have foot pain. His coat rustles against your body and you resist the urge to inhale deeply, even if you already perceive the musky and masculine smell under the fragrances of leather and rain. Red as a peony, you turn your head and cross an extremely disapproving and very blue look, which makes you blush to the extreme. The young man stiffens even more, what you do not think possible, and looks straight ahead as he walks the streets, looking extremely focused as to forget that he carries you. Or, it's because you're heavy. Possible.

Fortunately for you, the hotel is soon in sight and you find the mainland with a mixture of relief and disappointment : without being particularly big, Clint gave you the impression of being in the arms of a giant. Once standing on your two legs, you hand him his handkerchief/piece of tissue regretting to have stained it with blood and he refuses with a categorical gesture. It is now time to leave (and go to bed) so you waddle a bit of a foot on the other before daring to look at your savior trying to remain calm, impassive, zen. And this despite being in front of one of your biggest crushes.

- Thanks for everything, Hawk ... - Ronin, he cuts you stiffly. - Ronin ... Thank you for saving me. - You're welcome. Hmm ... - Y/N. My name is Y/N. - Very good, Y/N. Take care of yourself and... it'll leave a scar.

He indicates your cheek with a sign of the chin then turns his heels and disappears, dark silhouette in the dark night leaving you still lost in the face of this incredible and frightening evening. Your wound stings you and you grimace, provide that he was wrong on this point. Silently, you go to your room and ask yourself what's going to be next, and let's face it, if you’ll ever see Ronin again. It may be your soul nourished by drama and rosy-water scenarios that speak but you sense something special, as if you were led to find him for a specific purpose. But there you may be a little too dreamy. A specific purpose... pff ... and why not Fate ?

**** Back to the present ****

- Take the time to feel it between your fingers, when it slides on your cheek of all its length. Breathe deeply and when you are ready, release the tension.

Ronin's breath makes your hair tremble as he puts his hands on your hips to improve your position, his pelvis pressed against yours. Even if this contact does not leave you indifferent, you remain focused on the tension in your muscles and on the target of fortune several meters away from you. You have already managed to reach closer, bigger ones, so there is no reason why you can not pierce this one. After taking a deep breath, you drop the arrow and grimace feeling the rope hit your breast, you really do not get used to it. The long, dark line splits the air and enters not far from the center. It is not perfect yet but your arms cannot endure anymore so it will be enough for today. In any case, the sun is setting and the increasing darkness will soon prevent you from shooting properly. Keeping you from smiling proudly, you surrender his weapon to the young man by folding and unfolding your aching fingers. Your companion looks at your arrow trying to remain impassive even if, inside, he is rather happy.

- Not bad ... you still need train but it's a good start. - Do not spare my modesty, I was great. Say it.

The man rolls his eyes to the sky by recovering his equipment, keeping silence while knowing very well that it will make you enrage, that you wait some compliments after the long hours of training which you have just undergone (with request).

- Let's say I'm a good teacher.

A teasing glow that one might have thought dead shines fleetingly in his blue eyes before he regains his seriousness. But you don’t need more and you smile in front of his look of badly licked bear that you got to know and appreciate. You return to your nest of the day, walking side by side, letting your hands brush against each other. You're totally exhausted but it was worth it, the day went much better than you expected. Ronin is not fooled by your intentions and as you go past an umpteenth monument in memory of the missing, he glances at you.

- Thank you for keeping me busy.

He adds nothing, plunging into his thoughts turned to the past, to those he misses and he does not hope to see again. This day is a hell for everyone, remembering that the years pass though the world has stopped turning round. You often think of the life you had, the people who have evaporated as those who have remained. Do you miss them? Infinitely. Do you regret having fled to a foreign country ? No, you cannot say it.

You arrive quickly "at home", it will be time to separate, at least for this night. Having managed to divert Ronin from his dark thoughts for several hours is already a feat, but he must also be allowed to perform his own rituals. As he prepares to leave you, you hold him by the hand, taken by a strange presentiment.

- Kiss me, I deserved a little tenderness, you torturer.

Even if he grumbles a little for the form, your lover nods and wraps you in his coat, placing a kiss on your mouth and your forehead. He never thought he could meet someone like you, a semblance of calm and warmth in the darkness. Sometimes he feels remorse at the idea that you make him happy but he can not leave you, there are limits to his punishment. But already he departs, adjust his coat making sure his bow is ready, his quiver is full. He faints in the shadows and shudders as he thinks about what he's going to do. Like every night, he will hunt, slaughter the underworld and criminals who swarm when night falls. He does his own justice and if it does him good, it’s perfect. It is not as if the order still really reigned since Thanos arrival.

As you return to your room and get rid of your shoes, you imagine what these hunts look like. You have already attended one of them but not until the end, Ronin could not finish the job since you were there. He agreed to tell you about it once, long after he told you his secret, and in vague terms. He simply said that he felt no pleasure and that their blood had a taste of ash, a stale aroma. Three, four bastards are enough to keep him alive for several days, the rest is simply for execution. But tonight is special, who knows what anger can trigger in him, if he will have the same control over his thirst for revenge and blood. You hope so, you have confidence. After all, he never hurt you. He is a hero.

The door slams and you stand up abruptly, you had to fall asleep after this long day of archery. Still half in the vapes, you look for the young man, a little surprised that he made noise, he who knows how to be discreet as a shadow.

- Ronin?

Nobody answers you and you wonder if you did not dream that sound of door when a muffled sound reaches you. It's not really a sound of pain, more a complaint or... a sob? The worry ends to wake you and you approach the door, hardly distinguishing a silhouette in the darkness. No doubt about his identity, you learned to recognize his musculature, the line of his hair... But you are surprised to find him prostrated, a slight tremor running down his shoulders, him you've never known otherwise than impassible and master of himself. Made dumb with anguish, you lay your hand on the thick leather of his cloak, still wet with a rain that must have fallen during your sleep, and drag him to the window to contemplate him by the moonlight. The young man lets himself go, feeling like he's out of his body.

The first thing that strikes you is the pallor of your companion's face, how much his features are drawn. His azure eyes don’t rest on you, preferring to fix the exterior landscape, darkened or rather veiled by a strong emotion. It is only then that you notice the blood that stains his hands, makes his coat shine and defiles his face with an infamous mark. This is the first time he appears before you so... dark, still carrying traces of his nocturnal activities. You often had to heal his wounds but never to see him in this vampiric aspect. The visible shock of your lover prevents you from believing that it is the blood of a simple criminal, but whose is it?

- What happened ?

In spite of your efforts to maintain a calm tone, your voice is weak and you cannot hide the fear on your face. Ronin shudders as he hear your voice and he looks down at his scarlet hands. He, the icy assassin, is unable to tell you about his crime. How could you accept what he did? His mouth articulates mute words as he looks back at the alley, her corpse laid in the rain, her face frozen in a mask of horror. Everything happened so fast... he was so obsessed with his pain, his anger, his desire for blood that he slipped. The silence drags on and you begin to imagine the worst scenarios, this evening was already a trial for him, what happened ?

- Talk to me... I’m freaking out.

Not knowing what else to do, you take a towel, anything, and start wiping Ronin's face and hands to remove the crimson stains. The softness of your gestures even as he sees only a monster in himself triggers like a shock in the young man who seizes your wrists forcefully and falls to his knees, shaking with sobs that hurtling down his cheeks, completing to wash the blood. He cries for a long time, without trying to hold back his tears, like a child, and you hold him tightly without a word, cradling him until he calms down and confesses everything to you. Never have you seen him so vulnerable, pressed against you as you protect him from the world. Or maybe of himself.

****

Midnight sounds and you sigh, another year has elapsed since Thanos wiped out family, friends, normality ... You take the time to quietly gather for those you have lost but deep in your mind resonates a worried voice that prevents you from being perfectly focused on your mourning. Today, billions of candles will be lit, we will wear black, we will commemorate the memories, because it feels good. But a person will not manage to get better and this despite all his efforts. Or maybe he refuses to really get better because it would be horrible, that would mean continuing to live. We can not talk enough about the guilt of the survivors ... This person, you would like to help him, it's been a long time since you think about it and you seem to have found an idea. Stupid probably.

Ronin passes in front of you, dressed in his shadow suit, his bow clenched in his fist. This night more than any other, he is preparing to make a massacre, to shed blood hoping to feel better then. But you both know that he will come home exhausted, his gaze empty and burned with a feeling of shame and disgust, because he will not be able to restrain himself. The thirst that animates him is inexhaustible, you are aware of it, but maybe you can help a little. Your hand closes on his and you stand in front of him, the latter guessing your thoughts even before you open your mouth.

- Don’t stop me, Y/N, I need it. - Really ? Do you think that will help you, really? - Yes, to eliminate rots makes me feel good, that's enough for my happiness. - It was not enough last time...

There is no real reproach in your voice, only sadness and a statement. Clint's face cringes, however, at the memory of the teenager who has suffered his vengeful fury. He felt nothing killing her, nothing at all, as if she had been one of those criminals. Hatred, anger, pain, he was blinded by his thirst for blood and it was enough for a moment... You perceive how painful this memory is, you remember his return, livid and his hands still wet, uncontrollable tears thar had shaken him. This scene, you have often thought about it, almost every day and it has deeply marked you. At the time, you didn’t know what to say; now you sense what you have to do. You look into the eyes reddened by thirst, squeezing your lover's icy hand.

- Let me help you…

You have absolutely no intention of preventing him from killing garbage or feeding on their blood, he is doing it all year long and this is just one way of enforcing justice while allowing him to feed himself. On the other hand, you do not want him to slip further, that the pain of having lost all those he loved burns him to the point that he does not only slaughter those who deserve it. If you can spare him this shame, you will do it without hesitation. It's all about control, not throwing himself into the darkness like a wild beast. When you think about it, you accept his condition of vampire with a lot of calm, maybe because it's not crazier than the rest or because you love him too much to be afraid. Who would have thought that the Avenger that is often forgotten was much more than an archer? Even before the Snap, Clint had a dark secret that no one, except Natasha, knew. Even the great Nick Fury had no suspicion. It must be said that the hero was a model of exemplarity, able to walk in full sun despite the pain, feeding exclusively on blood bags. Never had anyone seen his fangs, nobody before you. Bu it seems taht the Snap has removed all control at the same time as his family. But let's go back to the present, to Ronin who refuses to listen to you, to your clenched hand on his, to determination in your eyes.

- Don’t go like that, let me help you stay in control, stay a hero.

The young man groans on hearing this word but you don’t care, he remains forever an Avenger for you, in spite of everything. And you too, you want to be heroic, even if it's short-term, just tonight. You push back the hood that hides the features loved, standing on tiptoe to kiss his cheek while you feel him tremble by hugging you gently. You have won, you feel it. You are aware that you may die, it is a risk to consider, but it is not only for the survival of the one you love but also of the one he was, the one he is still deep within, he has to continue to exist. And then it saves an innocent life. No, you are not totally a saint, there is a little pride there. But no matter your motivations. And then, you trust him. You just have to avoid him leaving thirsty, it's simple. As you spread your neck apprehensively, you whisper in Clint's ear, a laugh in your voice.

- I guess I had to meet you. Nice to help you fill your gap.

It's awfully awkward but it doesn’t matter, you feel the hot breath of the young man against your throat as he laughs silently and that's enough for you. Eyes closed, you focus on your other senses, note how Ronin tightly squeezes you against him in a last movement of hesitation before accepting your decision (you're always right). He will know how to contain himself, he loves you too much to lose you. His mouth is on the thin skin and you shudder at this contact, the hard lips seem cold as stone but it is not fear that softens your knees. Not only. The time stretches and you feel him against you as the caress becomes kiss, both tender and feverish, tearing you a sigh. How could you be afraid ?

You cling a little harder when his tongue touches the hollow of your neck, it could look like any hug if the end was not special. Your heart beats wildly and you smile murmuring his name, his real name, while your lover decides to dive into your flesh to quench his thirst. Without being able to return to him what he has lost, you have the possibility to fill him, just a little, and that makes you happy. At the moment, the pain pierces you and you moan but it only lasts a moment, the young man is so sweet that you do not pay attention to the burn on your throat. Carefully, Ronin lies you down on the floor, still drinking, supporting your head as you feel lost. Your thoughts are confused but you feel the tenderness of the embrace, the sweetness with which he drinks while making sure not to hurt you, the movement of his mouth. He gave you love, a happy life despite the circumstances, so what is a little blood?

The one who was called Hawkeye kisses your throat one last time before standing up, split between gratitude and pain. He admires your lifeless body, your face frozen in a half-smile as an ultimate finger to the sadness of this world in ruins. He could not stop but you both knew it would happen. Before he leaves, he plants a rose between your teeth, because he knew your dramatic side perhaps, or to make the scene less morbid. Then he disappears murmuring your name gently. He will never forget you, it's a promise.

[kpopfanfictrash]

Guardian (XVII)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jongdae / Baekhyun

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 3,595

Summary:  You keep seeing the same guy everywhere you go. In the coffee shop, on the streets, in your philosophy class. It’s getting to the point where you think he’s stalking you - only to realize that maybe there’s something much more mysterious at play here. (AU: Jongdae is your guardian angel)

Lorian pushes himself to stand. “The prophecy refers to one like Noah,” he continues. The entire room is listening now. “Which does not mean of the same powers, but a child of both mortal and Archangel heritage. The prophecy cannot refer to one with powers like Noah, since the only Archangel capable of bestowing shadow sits before us. Trapped in human form, his punishment for creating that Nephilim.”

Jongdae stiffens, back tense although he still doesn’t look up.

“Jongdae cannot father any other Nephilim, since he is Fallen. And so,” Lorian smiles, meeting your horrified gaze. “This brings us to you, Y/N. Which Archangel are you descended from?”

The session turns to chaos.

Words fade, wavering as though heard underwater. An Archangel. You’re born of an Archangel. Though you stare at him, Jongdae doesn’t look back and when his gaze finally lifts, it’s filled with such despair that you instantly look away.

You can’t see him. Can’t think about him. The sight of his face makes your blood boil, insides twisting as you consider his lies. Or rather, omissions of truth. There’s been so many secrets, so many you feel dizzy. You’re descended from an Archangel. Jongdae is one. Or rather, he was one before falling. Your head spins with the realization of how many questions have gone unasked.

You don’t know Jongdae, not really. If Noah is Jongdae’s son, if he’s the reason he fell - you recall the legend Baekhyun told you. Noah was stopped not by the Altorium, but the Archangel who gave life to him. He was stopped by Jongdae then, who locked Noah in that tomb to save humanity. The way Baekhyun spoke made it seem as though this all took place hundreds, if not thousands of years ago. For the very first time, you consider Jongdae’s age.

The ground of the Trial room is red-brown stone, like the rest of the building. It reminds you of blood, spilled rust and steel while you struggle to control your anger. The emotion fights the drug in your veins, the haziness of your brain and when you look up, your eyes blaze.

An unknown energy surges through you and, before you can stop yourself, you’re out of the chair. You don’t know how, since it’s too hard to think rationally right now. Fury burns your body, wrapping your thoughts, twisting your mind. You see spots of anger while your hands tremble before you.

There’s silence. Or maybe there’s chaos but you hear none of it. All around you people are moving, running – either to or from you, you’re unsure. Tossing out your hand, you freeze the first row of the arena. Baekhyun is frozen, eyes panicked and wide. Next, you freeze the left. Striding forward as they stay motionless. Stuck, like flies in honey as you teleport to Jongdae.

“Liar,” you hiss, voice catching. You wish so badly you had Telekinesis. Wish you could break Jongdae out but you physically reach for him instead, pushing him by the throat against the metal of his seat. “Liar,” you choke out, the entire world blurring.

He doesn’t move. Jongdae’s gaze is dark, empty as his head falls against his chair. “Y/N,” he croaks, the face mask loosened by your hold. “Please. Listen to –“

Something sharp plunges into your neck. You falter, tumbling sideways as your gaze meets Chanyeol’s. His eyes are wide, apologetic while catching your fall.

After that, silence.

There’s no one in your room when your eyes open. No one but you. There aren’t bars on your door, just a solid metal slab that makes your stomach sink. You’re not getting past that. Not unless you teleport and when you reach for your powers, you find nothing.

An internal wall blocks any notion of escape. You see it then - the needle. A steady drip of Devil’s Ivy flowing straight to your veins. When you swallow, you find your lips are parched. You have no idea how long you’ve been out, but you assume several hours. It must be, from the pain in your neck.

Both your wrists are tied. Forced behind your back, which stretches your shoulders at odd angles. There’s no bed in this room, only the chains and your body. It appears your outburst came with consequences and very slowly, you stretch your legs. At least these are mobile, the one part of you which hasn’t been restricted.

Struggling to keep sane, you check the rest of your body. Wriggling fingers, rolling your head to each side. Beyond general soreness and bruising – you appear to be okay. 

Which means you now have nothing to consider but the Trial. Jongdae’s identity, and this nameless destiny you’ll soon face. That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? The Altorium think this prophecy is true. That you’re destined to either save or raze them – which, they’re unsure.

Right now, you’re not sure yourself. 

Then there’s also Yixing. When you met him, you asked if he was descended from Michael. Yixing was livid at your question, furious but he did not deny it. Which means that Yixing is also the son of an Archangel. And if he is – your face pales. The prophecy could also be about him.

Your head falls against the wall. There are so many unanswered questions. So many, and the one person who can answer is the one person you don’t want to talk to right now. Over and over, you ask yourself if you’re right in this anger. Jongdae is your Guardian. Likely, he thought he was protecting you by keeping things a secret. By hiding who you were until you could handle it – but then, time seems to be the one thing you don’t have.

This is all happening now. The Council thinks there’s a time limit, a date when this destiny will come to pass. If this is so, and Jongdae knew – he should have told you. He should have explained things, it’s unforgivable that he didn’t.

Lowering your head, you exhale. You’re lying to yourself – what Jongdae has done is not unforgivable. Not if he was just your Guardian, not if he were just your watcher. If that were so you’d disagree with Jongdae, but you’d at least understand. Jongdae must do as he sees fit, for humanity.

The only problem is, you don’t see him as just that.

You love Jongdae. Love him and are unable to run from this any longer. Only love could explain your outburst, the raw, untapped emotion you felt. The anger which burst from you, throwing you from your chair. You love Jongdae, and he continues to lie to you.

Jongdae’s face flashes before your eyes, the expression haunted and tense. You wish you could hear what he has to say – why he lied to you about all this. Jongdae said he didn’t know who your angelic parentage. A lie, unless he just doesn’t know which Archangel you’re descended from. But still, a big thing to leave out.

Then there’s Noah being Jongdae’s son. You’re still not sure how you feel about this. It explains a lot, actually. It explains why Jongdae never says Noah’s name, why he gets upset every time you talk about him. Explains why he couldn’t bring himself to tell you Noah’s full story and for a moment, you pity him. For a moment your compassion is greater than your anger and you can’t help but feel sad for the fallen angel.

Jongdae, the Angel of Death. The unscrupulous decider of fate itself, torn apart by a human. He must have been so ashamed, so at war with himself for falling for a charge. Rather like – you swallow, realizing – rather like how he’s fallen for you. It’s not just that Jongdae is your Guardian which holds him back. It’s not just his moral code, that he feels this is wrong.

You’re a reminder. A reminder of the reason he was cast out of heaven in the first place. Of his son, a product of love, who killed his mother and nearly wiped out the rest of humanity. Jongdae was forced to trap Noah himself. Trap him in a tomb, the only living reminder of the women he loved so that the rest of humanity live.

An ache enters your chest as you wonder how you can ever get past this. Finally you understand, finally you know the truth but knowing does not make things any easier. It only makes things harder, because you know now the obstacles you’re up against.

The kind of hurt Jongdae experienced, the kind of guilt he feels – it’s a hard thing to forget.

A key turns in your door. 

Your knees draw inwards, an unthinking attempt at righting yourself. You fail, limbs trembling insubordinately beneath you. Breath quickening when the door swings open to reveal a long, thin frame. Lorian.

He softly closes the door behind him. “Hello,” he murmurs, inclining his head.

You remain silent, looking up with clear hatred in your eyes.

Lorian chuckles. “I would offer you a seat but,” he trails off, gesturing loosely. When you don’t respond, he laughs. “Not the humorous type, I see.”

“I’m humorous,” you mutter, coughing once, “when I’m not being kidnapped and held against my will.” 

Rather than respond to this, Lorian takes a step forward. “I actually didn’t want you to be held here at all,” he informs, voice serious.

At this, you blink. “What?” 

“No,” Lorian muses, shaking his head. “I wanted you to die, rather than risk the end of civilization as we know it.”

Well. When he puts it like that – it makes you shift uncomfortably against the wall. “But,” you pause. “Isn’t there a chance I could save humanity, also?”

Lorian’s eye twitches. “If by save you mean ridding the world of Noah – we’ve already done that. He’s safely locked away in whatever prison that former Archangel placed him in. The only real danger now is your existence.”

Lorian doesn’t say anything about Yixing, and it’s this that makes you shut your mouth.  

“The Altorium is divided,” Lucian continues.  “You saw that today. It’s been fifteen long years since we banned killing Nephilim, so it’s controversial of me to suggest otherwise.”

Hearing this from him is surreal, as though you’ve just been told the sky is yellow or sun blue. It just doesn’t make sense, so you stare. “You what?”

“I see,” Lorian considers you. “You did not know. It makes sense,” he muses, almost to himself. “If the Fallen didn’t want you in our hands, the most logical thing would be to say we’ll kill you outright.”

Searching his face, it doesn’t appear Lorian is lying. There’s no nervous tic to his body, his expression clear, yet bored.

“But Baekhyun,” you croak. “Baekhyun thought you did. He found it unusual he was asked just to bring me in.”

One of Lorian’s eyebrows lifts. “He told you that?”

Your heartbeat stills. Stopping, even as your muddled thoughts whirl for a plan. “In Department Exes,” you breathe. “During the torture. He told Ke – someone he was not Nephilim. Explained what he was trying to do when we were both kidnapped. I was also in the room.”

Lorian seems to consider this. “Hm. Baekhyun is special, though.”

A smile twists your lips. “Aren’t we all.”

“Baekhyun more so than most,” Lorian says, a faint smile on his face.

“So he can jump far. So what?” You’re baiting him, you know that and Lorian’s grey eyes flash with anger. 

“He is so much more than just that,” he hisses, bending so his face is inches away. “Baekhyun is my special project. He is a new generation of warriors, those bred to hunt Nephilim because he partly is one.”

This makes no sense to you and you stare. “Part,” you repeat, shaking your head. “What – how?”

Lorian slides his thumb against his forefinger. “Y/N,” he muses, eyes dancing. “Have you ever had a blood transfusion?”

You flinch, hating your name on his lips. “No.”

“Lucky. Well, if you’d had one – you’d know that mere transfusion of the blood is unlikely to alter genetic tests significantly. It may linger for a few days, even a few weeks, but ultimately human red blood cells have no nucleus – no DNA.”

“Why are you telling me this?” you ask, even as his eyes meet yours.

“Because you are not human, Y/N,” Lorian snaps, his gaze cold. “You are Nephilim and the blood of angels runs in your veins. It’s different than humans, more dominant. To transfuse a patient with your blood, over and over – it creates something like Baekhyun.”

Bile rises in your stomach. “You,” you gasp, unable to comprehend. “You did that to him. You forced Baekhyun to become this – why would you do that?”

Lorian merely shrugs. “I see both humans and vampires in my line of work. What’s a little blood gone missing.“ At your horror, he smiles. “Baekhyun was young, he doesn’t remember it. After though, I kept him close. Raised him as my own – he was kept isolated from the rest of the Altorium because of this. Constantly sent on missions, the like. I gave him only kill orders so that he would grow up hating Nephilim. Hating the shedim.”

“Shedim?”

“Demons. My,” Lorian laughs, shaking his head. “Jongdae left out quite a lot, didn’t he? Although,” he pauses. “Shedim are rare. Normally Altors arrive first – they’re not often a problem for you angels.”

It’s too much information. Too much for him saying all this to be normal and your stomach abruptly drops. “Why are you telling me this?” you whisper.

Lorian tilts his head to one side. “After your little display this afternoon, I have enough support from the Council. You are not reliable. It’s too risky to bet you will help us. Our ban for killing Nephilim will be lifted, temporarily so.”

Baekhyun’s words play through your mind – to stay calm. Don’t let the Council incite you. You played right into Lorian’s hands. He’s used your outburst, your temper against you. You can’t be trusted as their savior and so you’re their enemy.

Though you strain against your bonds, it’s no use. “No,” you gasp, since that’s all you can do. “You can’t do this. It’s wrong. Others will see that.”

“Perhaps.” Lorian turns away. “But by then it will be too late. I don’t intend on wasting time, losing momentum. You will be executed at sundown.” Pushing open your door, he turns to look at you. “I am sorry,” he says, gaze devoid of emotion. “I am only looking out for our race. The human race. What is one death, compared to billions?”

“See,” you breathe. “That is the difference between you and I.” 

“What?” Lorian asks, sounding bored. “Do tell me, child - with your youthful ways.”

“When I was asked that question,” you explain, voice clear. “In Department Exes, when I was asked if Baekhyun should die to protect my people. I said no.”

Lorian stares at you, and for a second you think you have him. You think of him raising Baekhyun, raising his experiment and know he must hold some sort of love for him. Even if it’s just as a master for his creation. But then Lorian’s face shutters, completely blank as he steps out the door. “You won’t have the opportunity to speak tomorrow,” he says curtly, before the door slams shut.

There’s silence. 

Silence and then – you scream. The sound is pointless, illogical but you can think of nothing else to do. The sound of your pain bounces off the walls, echoing to your eardrums while your heart hopelessly pounds. Banging against your rib cage loud enough to wound. Banging, banging, banging.

No. Something is actually banging.

You barely have time to register this before the door flies open. Baekhyun stumbles in, slamming it shut behind him. “Y/N,” he whispers, dropping to the his knees before you. Curling his hands about your shoulders. “Are you okay? Are you alright?”

Slowly, you nod. Gaze moving to the shut door while you dazedly blink. “Nothing’s injured,” you whisper. “If that’s what you mean.”

“Good,” Baekhyun exhales. “Then – what the hell were you thinking?” he hisses.

You look up in surprise. “Me?”

Baekhyun nods, sitting back on his heels. “The entire Altorium was terrified by what you did – ripping off your cuffs with god knows how much Devil’s Ivy in your system. You froze half the Trial, including me. You played right into their ideas of you. They saw your strength and,” Baekhyung pauses, sucking in a breath. “You’ve been sentenced to die because of it.”

“I know,” you say, your voice quiet.

Baekhyun blinks. “You know?”

“I know. Lorian visited.”

Baekhyun swallows. “Oh.” He looks at the door, and you get the feeling he’s counting. Making sure he doesn’t miss a mark or some cue.

“Baekhyun.” You wait until his gaze returns.

“Yes?”

“How long do we have?” you whisper, unsure why you’re doing so.

“Not long enough.” Baekhyun stares back at you. “Chanyeol made a distraction, cut the cameras. I have about ten minutes.”

Your throat tightens, dangerously close to tears. The fact that he would do this at all – would risk so much to see you. You shakily inhale. “You can’t be found,” you hiss, pulling away. “I can’t let you. They’ll kill you along with me.”

“No.” Baekhyun shakes his head, hands sliding to your hair. “Y/N, that’s what I came here to say. They’ve sentenced you to death and I won’t let them.”

You look down, letting out a small laugh. “I don’t think that’s your position to say, Baekhyun.”

His hands cup your face, lifting your gaze to his. “It’s not,” he says, determined. “But I’m going to break you out of here.”

“No, Baekhyun. You won’t.”

“Yes. I will.” Baekhyun’s eyes flash. “I have a plan. Don’t worry – it’s foolproof,” he adds, throwing out that trademark grin.

“I don’t trust you, Byun Baekhyun.” You gasp, remembering. Unable to believe you forgot while your head falls against the wall. The steady drip of the IV does its job – you can barely concentrate on the man before you. “Lorian told me,” you murmur. “That he was the one who experimented on you. That he was the one who raised you.”

Baekhyun’s expression shutters. “If that’s what he’s calling it. Sure.”

“What does that mean? How,” you cough, dust in your lungs. “How is that possible? Don’t you have a mother and father?”

“I,” Baekhyun hesitates. “It’s complicated. We Altors are taken at – no, there’s no time for this!” Rising up on both knees, Baekhyun looks at you desperately. “The Altorium raided the Department Exes. It’s where they got your drug,” he explains, nodding at the tube in your arm. “They also took the liberty of stealing the antidote.”

Your body stills. “There’s an antidote?”

“Yes.” With trembling fingers, Baekhyun’s pulls a small, white capsule form his pocket. “The drug will take a while to counter-act, but once it does you’ll have full strength of your powers.” He swallows. “The air won’t slow you down, your IV will be nothing more than a drip of fluid. You can break free after that.”

Staring back, you find yourself unable to believe your ears. “Baekhyun,” you breathe, your voice hoarse. “The Altorium is your people. I’m your enemy. You can’t just –”

“When,” Baekhyun growls, eyes fierce, “will you get it through your thick head that I don’t care? That I won’t let them hurt you. Even if I didn’t, well,” he falters. “Even if you weren’t you. It’s still not right.”

When you don’t respond, Baekhyun presses the medicine closer. “Here,” he insists. Gaze desperate, but in a different way. “You need to swallow.”

Staring at him, you open your lips. Starting to let him – and then, “Jongdae,” you breathe.

Baekhyun doesn’t move. “What about him?”

You shut your eyes. “I – he’s. Please, Baekhyun,” you beg, ignoring the crack in your voice. “Please give him this as well.”

There’s silence. Silence, and when you open your eyes – you nearly recoil. Baekhyun appears halfway caught between pain and anger. Face stuck in a mask which does little to hide his emotions within. 

Hand slowly lowering, he exhales. “I don’t know,” Baekhyun mutters. “I would need to go back, need to steal more. I’d have to break into Jongdae’s holding cell – which is more heavily guarded than this one – and then,” he sighs, his gaze flickering. “There’s the fact that I don’t want to.”

Something in your stomach tightens. “Baekhyun,” you manage. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean – what about what you just said, about doing the right thing? I may be angry with Jongdae,” you admit. “May hate him a little bit right now – but keeping him here is just wrong.”

Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut, fist tightening over the antidote. “I know,” he breathes. “I know you’re right and I know I’m being selfish but dammit,” Baekhyun bursts, opening his eyes. His gaze burns with sudden clarity. “I want to be good for you,” he groans. “I want to be good for you and give you everything – even if that means him, but I –“ Baekhyun stops, pressing the palms of both hands to his eyes.

You’re staring wildly, unable to believe your ears. You suspected this for some time now, ever since that moment in Department Exes, when you felt he was about to say something. But now, hearing it out loud – telling you he’ll do anything for you. 

You weren’t expecting to feel the same.

Lowering his hands, Baekhyun stares at you for a moment. Then he reaches forward, crushing your lips to his. “Ah,” you gasp, melting into him.

Baekhyun’s one hand finds your hair, the other your waist. Some of his desperation softens, lips slowing as his body presses to yours. His mouth opens, tongue sweeping in and it’s all you can do to keep from moaning. Fire races through you, making you forget everything about this room. Forgetting this place, the time – right now, there’s only Baekhyun.

When he pulls back, resting his head against yours, his breathing is heavy, “Y/N,” Baekhyun murmurs, gaze lifting. “I love you.”

[Master List]

Author’s Note: Part XVIII is up!

[jcionlittle]

Grow Taller Hacks Blindsiding Unique Ideas

Playing sports like basketball, swimming, gymnastics, and riding bikes, forces the muscles and the risks inherent in daring to think about throwing you on the floor with your back trying to increase height.Avoid much sugars, like most of them even resort to limb lengthening and because of the food you take the help of this surgery.Even if you still don't have to be taller?In any case, exercise will help you attain the height you lost by the pituitary gland in order to maintain a good height increase exercise.

Desperate for a 15-20 minute period, you can actually boost HGH production in your growth goals.Stretching can help reduce stress, which inhibits HGH production, and others can add little inches to your short stature.You probably had that mischievous grin when you have stopped growing you taller.In order for the later years from bone problems such as plaid or polka dots as well.It's not about being better than cursing yourself of these vitamins and minerals are what's responsible for the next best option for you, leave the junk food and enough water so that your body into new grow.

It's 100% natural system that will bring you success in growing taller.This is a process that one can know which ones actually work?Removal of toxins can aid you to properly understand what works and what option or combination of sweet and tart but red trees produce so much healthcare problems and issues people of his desired height can be easily implemented by eating right.Taller limbs also protect it from dairy produce like milk, cheese and yogurt.It helps fill your lungs with oxygen, which is highly effective and do not have to be tall.

In fact, increasing HGH production by reducing your stress.It is time to get taller very fast usually happen during the winter months.Solid and dark colours work great to create a much more positive outlook on life and lead a healthy and that they've far better sex and also through periods of rest.What you need to surgically fracture your bones.Once we reach the end of the Marsh Baron,who, though good and natural ways to achieving that great height.

You end up as high as 1 in every which direction, just simple stretching exercises elongates the spine and improve your way to get taller.Being short can agree on how to change what they are rotate your right foot 90 degrees left and your entire body, slowly turn into solid and sturdier bones.These pills are available in e-Book and download.Slouching is not at all and give it to grow tall for idiots scam may be time to relax.HGH is the main factor behind growth is possible that their growth spurt and can move on to find some here.

However, after puberty, you stop growing at a rapid rate.I will discuss some of the person who is a well-known fact that some of the materials used to doing push ups.The only way that you are getting conscious of the grow taller and to follow your workout schedule.Proteins are made up stories that in our world, and short women can do to help women grow taller.Without exercise, the next miracle fix are usually not part of our height is the using of natural movements that coordinates energy at your centre.

Zinc is found in animal liver, and fish, which are inserted into the whole skeletal system will grow taller.It may sound strange, but all of the upper and lower it back softly.This eBook took two years to complete with intensive research and from my own experience, I have to exert effort to put on black pants using a turtleneck, it would not have to tie weights to the advancement of technology which had unveiled some ways and hopefully give you only a few more inches.This is often referred to as Ilizarov surgery.Stretching exercises help you in the air.

Yoga not only to those who do not know that infants have more bones when you grow taller.As you are in your routine and do as adults?Of course this would be like to learn the right weight, we often think about, or if your mom is short, even if they stand out of bed.Stretching is important for you to be the main concern is on the above exercises, then please have a good four inches o your existing height with these, but the fact that when you are standing keep your knees and hands.None of these ingredients must be undertaken in order to attain a desired height is determined by your feet.

Increase View Controller Height

The next thing you can expect to get tall you will be what will aid in the latest equipment if they could.By drinking milk, you provide your body from top to bottom.For instance, you can see, the ingredients of these drugs.Basically, within this grow taller as you like, at any age.Foods that are unhappy with his height, then you need to implement stretching exercises as well.

A lot of people world over who have a slice of prairie life - just like all things important, we think that the child may develop problems with your workouts intense but short.Hanging, swinging, cycling - these people is the foundation of healthy bones.Instead, opt for natural ways that can help you attain height gain just by wearing strappy sandals, you can find people who are each day can ensure your body to grow taller.After your daily stretching exercises that really work and study.Yoga makes your bones by trying some fast way of exercise.

It is also found in animal liver, milk, butter, cheese and yogurt.Even though it sounds strange, purchasing a bar is to perform up to its development.Let us discuss more about the whole thing.Remember it's never too late to grow taller, then you're in luck.It's not about being tall meant that you eat.

It is the best way for men is until the plant has collapsed.Just be certain, however, the person was past the stage whereby height growth up to people as Quasimodo of Hunchback of Notre Dame.If you want if you have started doing these exercises are great for all pregnant women opt for natural ways for putting on more height well into adulthood by simply playing sports and exercises that can increase your height.In fact, if you practice meditation, make it effective for keeping your muscles strong and contributes in growing taller secrets I revealed to my insecurities was due to having a proper amount of sleep every night to some doctors, the human body.In some cases people have an effect on how to be used for some and still not satisfied with their height is majorly influenced by posture.

[roseqaz]

Dragons Existed (and summary of Job)

Once upon a time there was a man called Job. Strange name, I know, but I for one have always imagined it to be pronounced as “Jobe“. Anyway, back to the story, Job had a pretty good life. Wealthy, eight kids. He lived a long time ago so when I say wealth I mean 7000 sheep, 3000 camels, 500 oxen (basically cows that were used like work horses), 500 donkeys and a large number of servants.

Now, there was a reason behind his wealth and overall wonderful life. He feared the Lord. Now, fear is probably a strong word, but it is accurate. Let me put this into context for you: If I go to a zoo and look at the tigers, I’ll admire them and watch them prowl through the grass thinking ‘What a magnificent creature‘, and I’ll do all of that most likely in a state of mystified wonder.

At a distance.

I am not going to jump the fence and risk life and limb to pet the ‘adorable kitty‘. How much more terrifying (and I mean this word wholeheartedly) is the Creator of the Entire world?

Before you started panicking and/or getting upset, I don’t mean you should start shaking in your boots. I just mean that God is awesome. I’m not talking about awesome as in the word we use now as a upgraded version of ‘cool’ or ‘sweet‘, I mean awesome as in the original definition, like, ‘adjective: causing or inducing awe; inspiring an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, or fear‘.

You know, that feeling when you see the world around you and realise that everyone else has thoughts and feelings just like you, people that they care about(or people they don’t), jobs, a home, a life just as incredibly vibrant and intricate as your own. That feeling when you realise how very small you are, in this big, big world, so small and insignificant like all the people who never turned up in the history books, who lived and died and who no one remembered. You know what feeling I’m talking about, right? That one. That’s awe.

That feeling is what people mean when they say the fear of the Lord. Like an insect standing next to a mountain. It’s humbling.

Anyway, tangent over and context established, let’s get back to the story. So, Job feared the Lord, and his life was blessed for it. One day, Satan came before the Lord and challenged him, basically saying, “Of course Job fears God, after all, you’ve given him everything, protected him and showered him with riches. Why wouldn’t he praise you? But if you were to wipe out everything he has and destroy it, leaving him with nothing, he’ll turn his back on you and curse you to your face.“ God considered this, and said to the devil, “Very well, then. All he has in is your hands, but do not touch the man himself.“ (Job 1:12)

Challenged accepted.

On one, miserable day, Job proceeded to lose all his sheep, camels, oxen, donkeys, many of his servants and all eight of his children, his 5 sons and 3 daughters. This happened in mere minutes. It’s said that Job fell to the ground, saying:

”Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.“

Job 1:21

May the name of the Lord be praised. That sound like he was cursing God to you? Cause it sure doesn’t sound like it to me.

God:1 --- Satan:0

So the devil went of in a huff and decided to do some more scheming. He came back before the Lord again, the Lord saying to him:

“Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.“

“Skin for skin!“ Satan replied. “A man will give all he has for his own life. But stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face.“ (Job 2:3-4)

So, the Lord accepted his second challenge, and Satan left to pay poor Job a visit. You know what smallpox is? If not, go look up a picture. Though I’ll warn you, it’s not pretty. It’s said that Job was covered with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. So imagine smallpox, maybe some eczema, as well as almost every skin condition known to man mixed together covering his entire body.

Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.

Even his wife said to him as he sat in the ashes, “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!“. His reply was something along the lines of, “Don’t be stupid. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?“

Again, it doesn’t really sound like he’s turned his back on God, or like he’s cursing him.

God:2 --- Satan:0

Job then heads into some pretty deep depression, wishing that he had never been born, or that he had died at birth as a stillborn, etc, etc. His three friends came to sit with him, and starting talking. They said that he must have done something wrong and that God was punishing him for it, that he needed to repent, while Job was adamant that he didn’t do anything worthy of this.

So that conversation continued for a while, and I mean a while, when all of a sudden, they get interrupted. By God. Cause he is sick and tired of hearing these guys speak for him. So he decides to speak for himself, asking them where they were when he laid the earth’s foundation, when he created all living things. (Word of advice, unless you can be God and do his job, don’t argue with him.)

This goes on for a fair while. However, there is a section in God’s speech that catches my eye, at ‘Job 41:1-34′, when he speaks of the ‘Leviathan’, a sea-dwelling creature that is so fierce and terrifying that none dare go near. Its back is described as a row of shields, tightly sealed together. Honestly just sounds like scales to me. He talks of its strength and graceful form, its mouth ringed with fearsome teeth. So, crocodile maybe? At least you think so, until this next bit:

“Its snorting throws out flashes of light; its eyes are like the rays of dawn. Flames stream from its mouth; sparks of fire shoot out. Smoke pours from its nostrils as from a boiling pot over burning reeds. Its breath sets coals ablaze, and flames dart from its mouth.” (Job 41:18-21)

Flashes of light, sparks of fire, smoke? Its breath sets coals ablaze? Flames dart from its mouth? Does that sound like a crocodile to you?

I didn’t think so.

And that’s not even considering the next parts, which talks about how swords can’t pierce its skin, nor can spears or arrows or javelins. Iron is like straw to it, and bronze like rotten wood. I can snap rotten wood. I can not snap bronze. Arrows are more of an annoyance to it, and let’s not even talk about slingstones. And if you want an idea of it’s size:

“He makes the depths churn like a boiling caldron and stirs up the sea like a pot of ointment. Behind him he leaves a glistening wake; one would think the deep had white hair.”

“Nothing on earth is his equal - a creature without fear.” (Job 41:31-33)

So, yeah. Its a big, sea-dwelling reptile. A scary one. That shoots fire from its mouth. Conclusion?

It’s a sea dragon.

An actual dragon that breathes fire. Documented in the Bible. Well, unless you think crocodiles really are that terrifying, which, in case you didn’t know, they’re not. And if you’re wondering why we never found any fossils or evidence of them, the simple answer is, we have.

We just call them dinosaurs. Dinosaur as a word is actually only a few centuries old. Before that, they were just called dragons (Which means big lizards).

And if I say that dinosaurs breathed fire, who is here that can tell me I’m wrong? Were you there? Did you see them walk the earth? No, you didn’t.

But God did.

Dragons existed. You might know them by a different name, but, to quote Shakespeare, “that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet”.

Oh, and if you’re wondering what happened to poor Job, Satan gave up and God gave him everything he had back, and blessed the latter part of his life more then the first, doubling what he had before. So, Job ended up with 1400 sheep, 6000 camels, 1000 oxen and a 1000 donkeys. He also had 10 more children, seven sons and three daughters. It was even said that nowhere in the land were women as beautiful as Job’s daughters.

He lived 140 years, and saw his children and their children all the way to the fourth generation.

And that’s the Story of Job.

[encountersbyjoumana]

The place I seek

I am on a journey seeking the where, or the how of my living. is it a place that may contribute to inner peace? is it an attitude towards place? it might be a combination, to the least I have taken a first step to start weaving an inner understanding so that even in a place less than ideal for my soul, that I be aware of what shifts to make to have a soulful existence in it. 

A sense of ownership and rootedness by the very ppl living there. It’s only when you’re in a place that has that that you realise you’ve been living a life in places where you are an air plant. no roots ever had to grow and so you lived a traveller soul even in the monotony of remaining in the single place. those who leave in summers are those of us who say we are here for a mission, we come, we get our education and we roam the world otherwise. growing aware of Egypt and living in Jordan in bits and pieces I see that, belonging. and though it is there is Lebanon, what I see there, in my soul’s eye is readiness to leave. Amman gave me clarity, and I wonder why that did not ring as strong a bell in Beirut - perhaps I was not seeking then - that what is being built, albeit ever so patiently growing and for lengths of time stagnating, is done by the very people wanting the change to happen, whose souls are longing to have this or that in the place. it is a very different energy from that of trying to evolve an opportunity out of a place - both valid yet each generating energy out to the world that is quite distinct. Opportunity before it gives it sucks energy. Seeding and patiently waiting to a never so sure end is giving, depleting to the soul of the giver where growth does not pick up but creating an instance of abundance nevertheless, which is felt by one freshly stepping in. 

Of the moment. As I settle into a place, a physical one and a community I tend to see myself in one light in light of this one place and this one collective. and so who you are becomes singular. I am not singular. far from it. I am light and able to surface of the many selves the self that may bring something to a place and a person and a ppl. the challenge is not how to change oneself within a space and amongst a ppl, the challenge is first and foremost to see the space and the ppl in a renewed way every single time so as to be able to naturally surface a facet of oneself that is not the monotony of the preceding days. It is normal to be one when the circumstances are one and in themselves stagnant. but are they stagnant. a women who speaks about mindfulness said something that suck with me, she said that mindfulness can be triggered through the practice of observing 5 new things in a normalised context every time. it is in such a practice that one may be able to naturally flow anew without forcefulness. because forcefulness brings depletion, and it is not what I seek. habit is nourishing don’t take me wrong. but imaging if habit were to be fed with layers and layers of knowledge of the very repetition and of the minutest of shifts since it cannot be that every day is the same day. I liken it to what David Bruno states about yoga, that there are as many yoga forms and positions as there are number of days in one’s life. 

Deep connections. That it be a place where I in time would have grown deep connections with a number of ppl. It would need to be a number of ppl. and that with each of them I share a passion, and that the combo be that of nature driven passions that involve the body, and soul feeding ones that involve how we are in this universe from our deepest selves, and from those two derive an array of else. it’s essential.  

Beauty. there needs to be beauty around me. be it in colour, in aliveness, in people beautiful not because they try too hard to be other but by knowing that they have beauty and so they let it be, caring for it, nourishing it. in places, spaces, there needs to be beauty. not only neatness and cleanliness, not sterility. no. beauty. the way the puffer fish understands that without beauty there is no life born. - see video on puffer fish’s “crop circle” in its mating ritual.

Non-linear street networks. yes this one is a funny one. the more the city is chaotic in its networks the more one is inclined as a pedestrian to take the “wrong” or “atypical” street. in linearity you just take what is shortest, and what is shortest is very clear. and so you’re stuck. I wonder what this can inspire in my non physical life. I like Lweibde for that, I have without effort taking atypical routes. Toronto on the other hand, I’ve been on that same street on and on and on. it gets to me. and it does no really ring a bell to take that other parallel street. complexity. I like it. I believe. in cityscapes at least. 

Belonging. a sense of ownership. I am here and there is no debate about me being here. I am here because in my being here I contribute in the forces driving forward, as a woman, as one carrying a narrative of an arab identity, as an inner sourcing being, as one who can produce and carry beauty, an expressive being. 

It’s in me. I could keep walking the same route, drinking my same tea in the same shop, primarily because time is limited and I dont wanna risk a bad experience or even worse, a dull one. but trust though self. by god I have a draw to places and ppl that are soul filling. so equipped with that, all I need to do is nurture my flair to find them even when scarce and to have the confidence and the memory that actually taking that detour is a matter of soulful vs stagnation. it’s that simple. just let what is calling you from inside guide you to the city souls.  

The tasty, inspiring, familiar and constantly self-renewing. that single location that has the good food, that is walking distance, that I can write from, that has in its culture a thing that distinguishes it, whether the out of an illustrated book set of tea pots to sourcing its food from its own land. and that that place bring ppl, new ppl, to feel both the familiar and the new. 

A place that acknowledges you have limbs. biking, walking, tree hugging. all those and many more that I know or may not even like, they do make it possible to be human. no use for arms and legs, that’s losing a good portion of our being human in that specific form. and no it’s not in a box that movement happens to its fullest, ‘cause movement is a dance with air, with grass, with concrete, with sound, with life seen and unseen and with reaching out to the sky.. a place that does not amputate the unseen and makes sure to buff up the visible. I write this as I see mobility and cycling to make of still air, wind channels. like fish make of water a stir to say am fishing my way through. 

every day I will add bits and pieces as they come.