#writing this post to avoid doing work AND finishing the zombie au. which is a chapter fic now apparently

[philtstone]

psych is goated show of all time for its hyperspecific past episode references but literally none of them gets me in hysterics on the floor like that one episode a full season after the telenovela case when lassiter and juliet go to some random russian laundromat on a lead and theres a grainy blown up picture of chad. like. printed out on printer paper. on the wall. in the laundromat. and the russian lady at the desk looks lassiter dead in the eye and says 'i want to have his babies' with so much longing

[uhohbestie]

Hi! I literally JUST finished reading TAMN and it is easily one of the best scarian fics like. of all time. in my opinion. but for context i binged it for a bit at first and then took a bit of a break for my heart to recover and then came back to finish it off, so i’ve been sort of avoiding discussion about it on here as to not be spoiled until now.

That is to say i’m not sure what questions have already been asked and answered and while i’ve tried to scroll through the asks to check i’m very behind so i apologize if this has already been touched on BUT

Do you ever plan to reveal what happened with Joel, or is that something you plan to leave ambiguous? Or Lizzie? I got so attached to him during his relatively short time in the fic and my god the gunshot scene- Its going to haunt me a little not knowing if he lived or not, but I also fully understand if that’s not a question you intend to answer.

I’m also curious if they ever end up meeting with mumbo (i’m assuming that was the aforementioned “mustache man” because who else) or found pearl, also is Scott alive out there somewhere in this AU? Did Cub survive? I know I’m asking way too many questions and I don’t really expect answers to all of if any of them, but if any extra details are allowed i’d love to hear them.

Regardless thank you so much for writing this fic, it’s clear there was a lot of love poured into it and that was reflected in the absolute emotional rollercoaster it took me on. The world and the characters and the tension was all completely captivating, I felt absorbed in it all in a way I only ever really experience once in a blue moon and it’s something I cherish. This fic is always going to stick with me, and I can tell by all the fan works that have been made that I’m not the only one, so congrats on putting something out there that managed to resonate with so many people. I’m thinking about joining the discord sometime soon, but I need a minute to process the emotions I’m having over making it to the end of this fic now haha. Anyway I didn’t mean to make this into a whole essay, so thank you if you actually take the time to read my rambling, and I hope your pillow is nice and cold for you tonight :)

Aaa thank you SO much, we're both so happy that you enjoyed TAMN!! As long time long-fic readers ourselves, it was so special for us to get to write and share it, and hearing that people enjoyed it as much as they did has given us both SO much happiness. It means a lot!!! <3 <3

As for your questions!!!

Some of them we can answer, and some of then we'd like to keep vague and ambiguous on purpose. I know for a fact that writing Lizzie/Pearl's side-story is something both Key and I are champing at the bit to get to, and we're also very interested in writing some prequel portions of the Redwood compound in their earlier "establishing" phase, while also continuing to explore Scar and Grian's story (both in pre-zombie apocalypse vignettes, and in post-epilogue one-shots). Other parts we don't want to promise because admittedly it's a world that could easily expand infinitely and we are but two lowly writers, and even more is going to be left open-ended on purpose, because it invites people to get creative on their own, and that "oh my gosh, what do you think happened HERE.... do you think maybe....?" is one of the things that got us so invested in fandom and fanfic ourselves in the first place.

Which!!! (shameless segue) brings me to the TAMNcord Discord!!!

Honestly and for true, some great "what if..." conversation occurs there pretty much daily by the incredible people that TAMN has attracted. Anyone and everyone is welcome to join, and feel free to simply lurk and observe if you'd like! If that's of interest to you (or anyone reading this) then we'd love to have you!

Thank you again for reading TAMN, I'm so happy you liked it :') <3 <3 -🔒

[snowywinterevenings]

Hi, Ellie! For the AO3 Wrapped asks, how about 12, 18, and 28? <3

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

Hahahahahaha there are so many 🤪

Finishing Scars on Our Hearts and A Necessary Evil are at the top of the list. After that I have (all codywan) a zombie AU, what has morphed into two different mage/magic/magical creatures AUs, a possible time travel AU with a post Order 66 Cody and Sithywan though I am still feeling that out because I always just want them to immediately fix things in time travel situations, and some shorter fics including another soulmate AU, one that goes into how the Jedi perceive others in the Force, a sequel to The General, a possible partner piece to I Will Always Come Back to You from Obi’s POV, and like five other scraps of ideas. I may also dabble in Febuwhump if the prompts spark joy (or well whump in this case).

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Obi-Wan always gives me more trouble than Cody out of the two of them. Overall it’s probably Anakin which is half the time why I avoid having him around in the universes I create. He will feature a decent amount in one of the magic AUs I have planned and the time travel fic if I go through with it.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

I’ve only written/updated 3 things this year which is wild, but it was a crazy year. I love all three of them for different reasons. I Will Always Come Back to You has my heart for flower language and Codywan just always being there for each other through it all. And Scars on Our Hearts has my heart for all of the healing and emotional work the boys are having to go through and how they’re slowly making space for each other in their hearts and working toward a new version of home.

[rollercoasterwords]

What’s ur plan with This Rotten Work? it’s not listed on ur pinned fics n it’s still up on ao3 lol i was js wondering bc it’s a cool concept n i’d love to read it but don’t feel pressured u js made my fav fanfic ever so i’m probably js a lil starved of ur writing ! but either way i’ll still love. u if u decide do drop it or carry on writing? r u writing anything at all i read aftermath it was sooooo good ur gen so talented it’s amazing

hello ahhh ty!! short answer is yes i'm still planning to write this rotten work i am actually like...70%? done w the second ch and might try to just finish it up this weekend long answer is. under the cut lol

ok so when i first started trw it was my only other wip and i thought i'd just go straight into writing it after i finished thtf, but then i started writing some other shorter wips as i was writing thtf, and i was like oh maybe i'll finish these first and THEN start focusing on trw. and then after i finished thtf i mainly just wanted to write everything else i had connected to that story in my head, hence aftermath + thtb.

and THEN i was like ok im gonna finish this dorlene beauty + the beast wip bc it'll be shorter and easier and THEN i'll write trw, but i hit a writer's block w that wip like....2 weeks ago and just wasn't really feeling it, and then i watched the walking dead finale and my brain shifted from fairytale mode back into zombie mode so i started writing ch 2 of trw. but THEN this week i sort of uh. well. i succumbed to the cowboy brainrot and now i am. writing a jegulus cowboy au which i am also planning to make like. short-ish? like 4 chs and 20k words is the plan rn.

ANYWAY so now. currently. my plan is:

- try to finish ch 2 of trw this weekend just bc i'm so close to being done, and i'll probably post it before it's been beta-read just bc i feel bad that i’ve left it hanging so long lol

- write the jegulus cowboy au in dec ?? i think i'll probably try and write the whole thing before i start posting chs but who knows

- go back to writing trw as like....longer ongoing project after that and just jump between the beauty + the beast au and trw depending on what mood i'm in

i also have a pandalily time war au haunting me so. if that comes and takes me by the throat trw could end up getting written even slower lol.

anyway! that's where i'm at rn but obviously everything is very subject to change, i've really just been taking writing really slow over november to try and avoid burnout after thtf, so i've just been chipping away at whatever i felt like on any given day. i've been wanting to write more lately tho so i feel like i might be ready to dip my toes back into a longer project, which would be trw :) but it'll probably just be me writing and posting chs slowly without any regular schedule for the next few months as i focus on finishing some of these shorter wips just to like. clear out space in my brain 🤠

[the-lincyclopedia]

4, 5, 6, 35 (IK it's not mine; that's okay XD), 43, 48, 50? :))

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes! I'm hoping to start draft three of the novel I'm working on soon, and I'm waiting to hear back from an anthology where I submitted a short story. Usually fandom gets my energy for short pieces of writing and original stuff gets my long-form energy; the fact that I'm trying to be a novelist is one of the reasons I don't write multi-chapters anymore.

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

This question makes it sound like I expect people to already be familiar with my work, which feels kind of arrogant to me. Assuming it's asking what fic I'd like everyone to read . . . see, I still want to let people pick and choose (and avoid stuff they're not going to enjoy or that they might find triggering)!

That said, I think I'm going to rec "To Every Single Kid I Used to Be" here. It has a much higher ratio of comments to hits than most of my other stuff, meaning that fewer people have read it than have read a lot of my other fics, but a lot of the people who read it wanted to let me know how much they liked it. It's a Jack Zimmermann character study, and I highly recommend bringing tissues given that most of the commenters say they cried (but also felt happy/hopeful at the end).

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

Uh . . . it's hard to know where my obsessions will take me next, and I've definitely eaten my words before when it comes to thinking I wouldn't get into something. I guess I'm pretty confident I won't get into Hannibal? A friend from another fandom got really into Hannibal and never tagged their posts, and eventually I had to unfollow because some of that stuff really turned my stomach.

35. What is your favorite review?

Honestly, your comment was very very sweet! "I'm not even in this fandom" comments are very special and I definitely don't get them often!

That said, probably the most gobsmacked I've ever been by a fic comment was when I got this one (on "To Every Single Kid I Used to Be," actually):

I reread (and finished) the comic after I put it down 5 years ago and I didn't really mean to end up on ao3 but I had to see what kind of things people were writing about Jack being autistic (I refused to believe people just wearnt writing autistic jack of course) and shit. Not only is this an incredibly creative way to tell a story. It's a very fitting way to tell Jacks story specifically. This was absolutly wonderful. I had to take a break in the middle bc of how emotional I was, I still ended up crying. Thank you so much for this. I genuinely don't know if I'll read another OMGCP fic I've read two after this reread (yours being one of them) and they've just been so perfect I don't know that I need to read anything else. This was absolute brilliance. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Like, I genuinely don't know how to be worthy of this.

(Runner up to this comment on "Face the Future with You":

I havent even actually started reading this fic yet but i thought you might enjoy the fact that i'm BIG dumb and thought the name of this series was "Neurodivergent Zombies" and i was looking at the tags like 'it doesn't mention that this is a zombie apocalypse au'

Very excited to read this Zombie-Free fic tho

Just. The pure hilarity.)

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

When I got this one earlier I said insecurity, but now I'm thinking about tropes, and honestly? If you do it well, you can definitely throw the kitchen sink at me: fake dating, only one bed, amnesia, whatever your heart desires. I adore fic tropes (though I read them MUCH more than I write them).

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

Oh wow! I have over 400k on AO3, so that's a big question. The first thing that comes to mind is "Caroline’s laugh tinkles like glass breaking, musical and jagged and dangerous," which is from "The Difference an Evening Can Make," one of my Lizzie Bennet Diairies fics. I want to think there are better sentences in some of my other stuff, but honestly I feel like I'm better at the story level than at the sentence level.

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

I'm not really working on anything at the moment. The only thing in my Google Drive that I think has a particularly high chance of getting finished is the sequel to my summer camp AU, and I haven't touched it in a while, so who knows. Anyway, here's a snippet:

They reach the lake and walk out onto the dock. As they lay down next to each other, Jacques says, “Can I ask why you wanted to get out, or is that too personal?” 

Bitty tries to shrug. It doesn’t work very well given that gravity is pressing his shoulders into the wooden slats of the dock. “It’s okay. I’m gay, and I’m not out to my parents. Honestly, I don’t think the camp I’ve worked at would ever have hired me if they’d known. I could handle it when I was in high school--I’d never come out to anyone--but now I’ve moved out and come out to my college friends, and I just didn’t want to go back into the closet for a whole summer.” 

“Yeah. I get that,” Jacques says. “The closet is even less fun to return to than it is to live in the first time.” 

“Oh!” says Bitty. “Are you--I mean, sorry; I shouldn’t ask--” 

Jacques chuckles. “I’m bi. I’m, uh. Honestly I’m more public about it here, with the other staff, than I am at school. My parents have known since I was 17, but . . . well, let’s just say that it’s not exactly rare for American guys who voluntarily learn French to be some variety of queer. Actually, sometimes when I’m here I have to explain that I’m not gay. Which is very much not what it’s like at school.” 

“Where do you go to school?”

“UW-Madison,” Jacques says. “It’s . . . I mean, it would probably be fine if I weren’t on the hockey team. I mean--shit. That sounded terrible. I like that I’m on the hockey team. I like playing hockey. I just. My teammates, sometimes, I guess . . .”

“I get it,” Bitty says. “I play hockey, too.” 

“Really?” Jacques sounds surprised. “But you’re . . .”

“Tiny, I know,” Bitty cuts in, chuckling. “And fast as hell, thank you very much. With very soft hands.” 

Get in on the ask game!

[fanfoolishness]

Interview with a Fic Writer

Tagged by @novantinuum, thank you!

__

How many works do you have on AO3?

242 works. The actual fuck??? Wow, me. Of course, this does span about 9 years, so I guess that's not that insane?

What’s your total word count on AO3

549,737! But that averages out to only 2271 words per story, haha. You got me! I think I have less than 10 fics that have more than 1 chapter. I love one-shots, what can I say?

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh, you want to get into this? All right. We'll get into this:

The X-Files, proto-fandom, ur-fandom, first OTP ever... yeah, 15-year-old me went. WILD. Many horrible Mulder/Scully stories, and some Doggett/Scully and character study stories as well. Mostly not very good, but with occasional flashes of decent writing. Really had a difficult time writing romantic feelings between 30+ year-olds given a) I did not date in high school and b) was 17 and not an emotionally stunted FBI agent.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - not a huge volume of stories, but definitely some very angsty Spuffy and Spike tales.

Harry Potter - just one published fic (Lupin grieving Sirius), and one with Snape and Harry having a heart to heart I could never quite get right.

Then came the dark times (vet school) where I was exhausted and hard at work for a few years and I thought, horribly, I might have outgrown fandom. Thank god for...

X-Men First Class and the undying love of Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr! I'd never fallen for a slash ship before but my god I fell hard for this one and wrote my first fandom smut and my first real AU (mutants with zombies) that I never finished.

Then.... let's see...

Quantum Leap drabbles!

Two Avatar the Last Airbender fics!

Agents of SHIELD fics, mostly focused on Coulson and FitzSimmons, and super angsty.

Bioshock Infinite sads (god I love writing the sad bad dad)!

And then the juggernauts of Mass Effect (my longest fic to date with 30 chapters!) and Dragon Age, which were endlessly productive and are still productive given the variety of different protagonists you can create, different choices, and different relationships to canon characters. I'm still working on a Hawke/Varric fic in the back of my mind here.

There's one random Gravity Falls fic (wish I could have got a little more obsessed with it, or gotten into it while it aired) of Stan sads, and one tiny Avengers ficlet of a sad Tony and Peter.

There's one Wheel of Time fic! Dammit I wanted Rand and Tam to reunite so much sooner than they did.

40-odd Steven Universe fics! So many SU fics!

One random Schitt's Creek fic of David and Patrick!

And finally, The Mandalorian, with 47 fics. Phew!!!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. The Invitation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin finds himself in dreams that seem realer than real, reminding him of his loss, but he begins to find a sense of hope again. A promise is kept.

2. The Outstretched Hand, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin is a man of action, but sometimes, the quiet finds its way in. Din reckons with the aftermath of the events of Chapter 14, the Tragedy. (My very first Mando fic!)

3. Not the Sentimental Type, Steven Universe. Priyanka Maheswaran has long prided herself on keeping her emotions in check. But a mother's love can only grow, and sometimes it expands to people she never anticipated. Like the Universe boy.

4. Translation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin was a man of few words, but many languages. Some might have thought the Child had no language at all. Din Djarin and the Child grow to understand each other.

5. Full Disclosure, Steven Universe. Just as the world begins to recover from Spinel's attack, Steven starts having nightmares. The more he ignores his fears, the worse they become, until he's left with no other choice but to ask for help. (My thoughts on what would drive Steven Universe Future, and I wasn't far off.)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try to! Even sometimes years later if I realize I've missed some. I appreciate each and every one, and have definitely made friendships through comments <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, hell... I'm too lazy to link these but if anyone wants to read them let me know or find them on my AO3!

A Stopped Clock from Bioshock Infinite has Booker DeWitt ravaged by Korsakoff's amnesia from his long-standing alcoholism. Is Columbia real or imagined? Hard to say.

The Viscount's Way shows Varric Tethras having become his parent, and a cruel, hard viscount of Kirkwall.

Songs in the Key of Red shows how Cullen fared under the dark future in Redcliffe in DAI, and they write happy endings, don't they? shows what happened to Varric. Both horribly depressing in different ways!

Two by Two, Hands of Blue shows a not unexpected end to lyrium addiction :( Poor Cullen, he got a lot of angsty developments, didn't he?

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

Never really got into crossovers or AUs. Just... meh for me!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I don't think so.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Charles/Erik, Shepard/Garrus, Shepard/Liara, Shepard/Tali, a mess of different f/f femShep drabbles, and most of my Dragon Age pairings have gotten sexytimes. On the other hand I helped start the NoRomo Mando tag for the Mandalorian to help find non-pairing Mandalorian content. Depends on the pairing and the fandom, for sure.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, thank goodness!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so! There used to be a Spanish-language wiki linking to some of my old X-Files stories XD

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but friends and I definitely will beta each others' things to help with sticky points.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

ALL-TIME? Just, why? So many ships I loved in years past turned out to have pretty damn problematic elements I didn't see at the time, so it's hard to say... Mulder/Scully actually has a ton of issues, Buffy/Spike obviously has issues... so maybe Hawke/Varric (except not canon!) or Garrus/Shepard or Brosca/Alistair.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Still need to finish my Hawke/Varric fic for after Adamant! I have 3 chapters written that I haven't posted. Maybe posting them will help inspire me....

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and POV writing from different characters; I feel fantastic writing Steven and Greg, though totally at sea trying to write from Connie's POV, randomly. But I think my dialogue and emotional beats are what people tend to tune in for. When I do write romance, it's usually very sweet and silly and pulled from life. I also love writing nature scenes and settings to help establish mood. Mood and emotion and catharsis are my bread and butter, and I like my poetic prose.

What are your writing weaknesses?

What the hell is a long, well-thought-out plot? Like what even is that???? My longest fic with 30 chapters is basically "Shepard has PTSD and hangs out with her crew. They have some funerals." THAT'S IT. How the heck people actually come up with plot that ties into the lore of a fandom I genuinely have no idea and it's the biggest thing that's held me back from finishing original work. I can come up with a setting and characters and then trying to make them do stuff that's more than just talking to other characters and deepening their relationships with them... how the fuck???

I also definitely have 10-20 words that I am in constant danger of reusing like every other paragraph, LOL!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't speak any other languages so I always avoid it as much as possible. I've seen people describe sign differently in fics and picked one way to depict it that made sense to me for Grogu, but that's about it.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The X-Files, of course!

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Towards Another Day, the tale of how Cullen went from being a templar in Kirkwall to commander of the Inquisition, is definitely up there.

Reverberations is one of my rare multi-chaptered fics and one of my favorite for the catharsis at the end. It makes me tear up every time. 5 times Din and Grogu encounter the Dark Side, and one time they find the Light.

Either a world for the birds (Steven develops a closer relationship with his Uncle Andy, learning birdwatching along the way) or on the subject of rocks (Steven and Jasper finally reach a peace) might take the prize for favorite SU fic.

__

Tagging (if you’re super bored and would like a fun thing to do) fellow writers:

@lastwordbeforetheend, @runrundoyourstuff, @honestlyhufflepuff, @art3mys, and @fake-starwars-fan if you would like to play!

[fanfic-corner]

Bed Sharing

I created this list probably about a month or so ago, and I remember being so hopeful for the finale. I never dreamt we would get semi-canon Destiel, but I also never imagined the finale would be that disappointing. I will be posting a list of 15x20 fics, but for now, take this fluff and ignore your problems for a while.

Lock and Key by tricia_16 on AO3. (144,500 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bookstore Owner Castiel, Musician Dean Winchester, Friends to Lovers, Keeping Secrets, Mutual Pining, Flirting, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Virgin Castiel, Angry Sex, Dubious Content, Recreational Drug Use, Fluff, Dating, Song Lyrics, Sharing a Bed, Happy Ending.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: In a world where people get songs stuck in their heads whenever their soulmate is singing out loud, Castiel discovers that being soulmates with an aspiring singer/songwriter can be taxing, to say the least. Finding said soulmate, learning that he's the most attractive human being on the face of the earth, and then not being able to tell him he’s meant for you? It turns out that's even worse. Not having a soulmate is just the icing on the cake on an already crappy life, if you ask Dean. He wants to sell his songs, but he's terrified of singing them himself. He wants to be a mechanic, but he's stuck selling parts, instead. He wants to kiss the ever loving fuck out of Sam's girlfriend's boss, too, but the guy's holding out for his soulmate, which of course means Dean doesn't even have a shot....right?

Notes: The pure terror that struck me at the end of chapter one nearly made me dip out of this, but I stuck through it, and was 100% rewarded with the ending (I screamed. I think everyone is worried about me now).

Stand By Me by whelvenwings on AO3. (31,252 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Post-Apocalypse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed, Slow Dancing, Smut, First Kiss, Canon-Typical Violence, Touch-Starved Dean, Love Confessions.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester has been alone for a long, long time. When he and Castiel happen to find each other - a couple of survivors in a world that’s been all but wiped clean - Dean’s looking for his brother; Castiel is looking for something to look for. They stick together, because neither of them much wants to be alone. They hate each other at first, of course. Dean hates Castiel for being weird and quiet and ironic and antagonistic and proud. Castiel hates Dean for being blunt and reckless and coarse, for drinking, for refusing to talk about how he feels and just pretending everything is fine. Most of all, they hate themselves and each other just for being alive. What right do they have to be alive? No one else seems to be. But against his own will, Dean starts to notice things about Castiel that he likes. Starts to hope that Castiel might like him, too. And together, they start to fight for a world where they're both alive - and that's a good thing.

Notes: I know I have recced this multiple times before but it is one of my all time favourite fics so I won’t apologise! It is so cute, and it has everything you could ask for in a fic.

Partnered by K_K_TiBal on AO3. (28,112 words).

Tags: Minor Donna/Jody, Minor Eileen/Sam, Detective Dean Winchester, Lieutenant Castiel, Undercover as Married, Suburbia, Drug Use, Sharing a Bed, Pining, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Falling in Love, Love Confessions, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Demisexual Castiel, Demiromantic Dean Winchester.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean didn't think that his life as a detective could get much worse after Castiel was promoted to lieutenant. Castiel was a stickler for the rules, had no sense of humour, and never seemed to give Dean a break, even though they used to be partners. But then, despite all of their questionable history, the two are asked to go undercover on a case in the wealthy suburbs of California. . . as a married couple.

Notes: I am screaming, that was so f*cking cute! And the artwork was gorgeous, too. Also, now I ship Jody and Donna. Cas gave off such Holt vibes in this, I was convinced I accidentally started reading a Brooklyn Nine-Nine fic (do those exist?)

the cost of a thing by quiettewandering on AO3. (74,198 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake Marriage, Human Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Touch-Starved Castiel, Mutual Pining, Jealous Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Depressed Castiel, Fake/ Pretend Relationship, Sharing a Bed.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: 16 months ago, Cas became human. 12 months ago, Cas left the bunker and a broken-hearted Dean behind. Now they must work a case together, where married couples are dying mysterious deaths and the only way to earn the neighbors' trust is by pretending to be married. Slowly, Dean finds that he loves being in a relationship with Cas, fake or not, and Cas finds his loneliness retreating, despite the harsh reality looming right around the corner. As Dean and Cas navigate this fake, but all too real, relationship, can they find the monster that is on a mysteriously motivated killing spree before it’s too late?

Notes: So cute! My favourite trope! And, as an added bonus, the sharing of a bed. 

flowers in the backyard by justkeeponwriting on AO3. (34,710 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Homeless Castiel, Domestic Fluff, Sharing a Bed, Minor Character Death, References to Depression, Angst with a Happy Ending, Smut.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: After Uncle Bobby’s death, Dean goes to check up on the cabin that he’s inherited. Dean hasn’t been at the cabin for years, but he knows Bobby hasn’t renovated it in ages, so he isn’t very thrilled to be saddled with it. Upon arrival, he notices that unlike he expected, it’s not unoccupied, nor falling apart – instead, a stranger called Castiel has made it into his home.

Notes: This was such a relaxing and gentle read, I nearly fell asleep after I finished it! Cas & Dean’s tentative relationship was written absolutely beautifully, too.

What Happened In Vegas by Ltleflrt on AO3. (18,447 words).

Tags: Sam/Eileen, Alternate Universe - No Supernatural, Teacher Dean, Photographer Castiel, Las Vegas Wedding, Secret Relationship, Sharing a Bed, Switch Dean, Switch Castiel, Fluff.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Long time friends Dean and Castiel are road tripping from Chicago to San Diego for Sam and Eileen’s wedding, and a pitstop in Las Vegas turns into drunken love confessions and a surprise marriage. Turns out the pining has been mutual this whole time, but now they’re finally together and on cloud-fucking-nine. Until they remember that this trip isn’t supposed to be about them. To avoid undermining Sam and Eileen’s important weekend, they decide to keep their new relationship status a secret. They’ll keep the heart eyes toned down and their hands to themselves, but the struggle is real.

Notes: Oh my lord, this was absolutely hilarious (especially that last piece of art - I totally lost it) and adorable. I can totally imagine Dean and Cas getting a cheesy Vegas wedding, and we can all dig Elvis (sorry).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes by wildhoneypie on AO3. (4,942 words).

Tags: Human Castiel, Diners, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Dean, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Case Fic, Domestic, Didn’t Know They Were Dating.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: In which Cas is human and doesn't understand basic concepts like: clothing, Mythbusters, moisturizer, and Greek food. Dean is...Dean and doesn't understand basic concepts like: boyfriends, language, how to tell your friend that he's a walking miracle, and when not to quip.

Notes: This was so cute and I live for human Cas. I also love the recurring ‘no fucking quipping’ joke in this, although the idea of Cas swearing broke me a bit!

Sharing the Rain Dog by almaasi on AO3. (19,837 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternative Universe - Historical (1999), Fluff, Romance, No Angst, Accidental Dating, First Dates, Rain, Dogs, Pets, FBI Agent Castiel, Musician Dean, Singer Dean, Flustered Dean, Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Moving In Together, Living Together, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling, Smut.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: When some asshole hits a dog with his car and drives off, the first two people on the scene are Dean and Castiel. Castiel's an FBI agent with a plane to catch, and he doesn't have time to take the dog to the vet. Dean's a musician, and he doesn't have the money. An agreement is reached: Dean goes, Castiel pays, and they'll exchange details and meet again to work things out. But who gets the dog? Sooner or later they're going to realise that having shared custody of one pitbull isn't ideal. She needs one home, not two. One stable, loving home...

Notes: Rain Dog was so cute, and so was flustered Dean! The hitting a dog joke is starting to get out of hand, though.

This Game We Play by destieldrabblesdaily on AO3. (1,195 words).

Tags: High School AU, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Bed Sharing.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Dean and Castiel have been best friends since they were little, and sleepovers are a common event. They've always loved playing the game where they draw out letters on each others backs and try to guess what the other is writing. Even though sixteen seems to be a bit too old to still play the game, Castiel uses it as a chance to silently confess something that he's been wanting to share with Dean for a long time.

Notes: This was adorable. I am 100% here for Cas and Dean being childhood friends.

Minty Fresh Kisses by almaasi on AO3. (7,905 words).

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Motel Rooms, Teeth, Dean in Love, Human Castiel, First Kiss, Pancakes, Sharing a Bed, Fluff, Dean POV, One Shot.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Dean teaches a newly-human Castiel how to brush his teeth properly. Things don't go according to plan – but for once, the unexpected development actually presents a more promising outcome.

Notes: This was so sweet, and Cas was so cute as a human! Also, I love fics where Sam is just done with the constant sexual tension, it always makes me laugh.

Wee Little Love Child by almaasi on AO3. (10,649 words).

Tags: Fluff, Romance, Kid Fic, Team Free Will, De-Aged Sam Winchester, Cursed Sam Winchester, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Sam Winchester ships Dean/Cas, Matchmaker Rowena, Parent Castiel, Parent Dean, Affectionate Dean, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Domestic Fluff.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: After being magically de-aged, little Sammy is under the impression that Dean and Cas are his parents. He wants to know if they're in love, but they can't (or won't) give a consistent answer. The thing is, they have to grant Sam's greatest wish in order to reverse the curse, but they can only do that as a pair. What does Sam want most? For Dean and Cas to express their true feelings. Aloud. To each other.

Notes: Aw, I love Rowena, and I am 100% here for her cursing Sam just to get Dean and Cas to stop being idiots and actually get together.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: the fans are in control now. We control the Supernatural content we are getting, so please create the ending you would want to see. And, if anyone wants to talk or rant or suggest a fic, I am always here.

[willows-adventures-in-words]

Now that October is over I’m gonna share my thoughts on my prompts from the month. I guess this could be considered a director's cut of sorts. So if anyone is interested in that sort of thing it’ll be under a read more since I have 16 prompts so it’ll be long.

The Whumptober prompt from day 1. I can't remember if I wrote this one first or if I wrote the other day one prompt first. But this one was interesting since it's the start of a new au. (Honestly, I need to stop making more.) As well as a honest attempt at writing a zombie apocalypse type story. I took some reference points from the game 7 Days to Die, hence the au title. But in regards to the prompt, it was the set up for the other day one prompt since I knew what I was doing for the other one already. I had to get Chase and Anti to meet and become travel buddies. But for that to happen Chase had to suffer a little. He had to lose what he had otherwise he wouldn't end up traveling with Anti. It was interesting to write. With Chase's regret and attempted suicide... Obviously, I knew he wasn't going to die but it still hurt to write it. And his little voice of doubt. Also, I can't help but like the quote, “She was my wife, you insensitive fuck.” a little more than I should.

The Egoshiptober prompt, as I said I knew what I was doing already. It hadn't taken long to decide that it would be Anti who had fallen for Chase. That he had no knowledge if Chase would feel the same for him or not. I had debated it for a bit if it would be unrequited or not. After discussing it with one of my two readers IRL I have concluded with certainty that, no it is not unrequited. Chase, at this point isn't aware that that is how he feels yet though. He cares a lot about Anti at this point, they've been through a lot after all. But since the only relationship he's had was with Stacy he can't quite comprehend his relationship with Anti in that way yet. Though despite that, I feel like the hints are there. I'm happy with how this turned out. Chase's concern for Anti. The trust and the history between them. As well as Anti's realization over how he feels about Chase. Realization settled over him like a warm blanket. I loved that line. I'm proud of that line.

The Whumptober prompt for day 3 was different than what I'm used to. I had an idea, but couldn't quite work it out. And originally this one and day 15 were going to be one and the same when I realized I could break them up and complete two prompts (yay). But anyway, the beginning of this one was difficult to figure out. But once I got to the confrontation between Jackie and the gang leader I started to work through it pretty quickly. This one, like all my prompts actually, I have all this background info in my head that has no place in the prompt that I can work with. With this one for example, Henrik was kidnapped by the gang as he was leaving work because one of their own was injured. As well as the fact that the gang leader really didn't intend to injure Henrik but Jackie inadvertently pushed him into action. It was a convenience that they still had Henrik there when Jackie showed up. In the end I enjoyed writing this one.

The Whumptober prompt for day 4 was pretty much an excuse to write what happened immediately after Marvin was sold at the auction in my winged AU. I'd been mulling over what happens after off-and-on ever since I'd written it and now I had a reason to write it. Or part of it anyway since he's going to be there for awhile.

Now, the Whumptober prompt for day 7 I knew when I saw the prompt option of Enemy to Caretaker that I was going to do a superhero-villain thing with Jackie and Marvin. Than Anti came into the picture because, obviously, Marvin had to become Jackie's rival turned caretaker. I pretty much had this one mapped out from the get go. Background info on this one is that Marvin has history with Anti so when he saw the shape Jackie was in, as well as the uncomfortable feeling in the air, he knew Anti was involved. At the end of this one though I had debated on how Marvin was going to seal off the place so Anti couldn't get to them. One option was a sort of switch next to the door making the place disappear or something. In the end I ended up leaving it vague. I'd also thought to make this one longer and add a bit when Jackie wakes up in a bed but decided against it.

Whumptober day 8 prompt. This one was... This one was personal. I wrote it about myself. So... yeah.

Anyway, day 9 was Egoshiptober. And this one was unexpected. I hadn't expected or planned to write it. I was at work thinking about the prompt list and the idea came to me. How Jackie goes to Henrik to patch him up when he gets hurt. Then one day he accidentally blurts out how he feels about him. Before Henrik really has a chance to address it Jackie makes up an excuse and bolts out. He avoids Henrik for two weeks before Henrik searches for him and, upon finding him, asks him on a date. And voila! The story was born from there. It was surprisingly easy and fun to write. Especially the second half when Jackie started to relax. Their banter was my favorite part. And when Jackie takes Henrik's hand at the end just makes me smile when I reread it.

Day 10 for Egoshiptober was the fastest and easiest for me to write. Simply because I had already written something with them before; though I'm constantly unsure if I'll ever post it (a snippet of it is posted now tho). So when I saw the prompt I knew right away. This was one of the first prompts I wrote. I also believe it's one of the sweetest things I've written as well. I love it. It never fails to makes me smile.

Now the day 11 prompt for Egoshiptober was an accident. It was the tenth and I was doing my updates on here when I realized it was the day that has been labeled as Anti's birthday. Which I didn't realize. So, I checked my list to see who was available to pair him with (everyone except Chase) and came up with this. Originally I was going to add a part when Jackie finds out he missed Anti's birthday, but couldn't make it work. My favorite bit was the very ending. I was smiling nonstop when I thought of it.

And this one. Day 13 for Egoshiptober. My god it took me forever to figure out what I was going to do with it. All I knew for weeks was that it was going to be with Jackie and Marvin. Then finally (after I wrote the last prompt of the month) I figured it out. Jackie's hair changing when he wore his mask. I was so happy when I figured out what to do. I remember writing a good portion of it at work. There are a lot of little things I liked with this one but my favorite part to write was when Marvin magically kept Jackie from coming in the room and the bickerment that went with it.

Ah yes. Day 15 for Whumptober. The second half of day 3's prompt. This one took time. I knew what I wanted with it but had no idea how to go about it. I actually found myself doing research (which is a rarity for me). Once I thought of it, I fell in love with the idea of Henrik teaching Marvin how to heal and repair the human body. The problem came in when I had to actually write it. I had, and still don't really know, how to write someone doing magic. I had also thought to add a scene at the end of this for when Jackie arrives at Henrik's place to find them both asleep. This is one of the prompts that made me the happiest when it was finished. That I actually wrote magic in a way that made sense. Honestly, I am so proud of how that turned out.

Prompt 19 for Whumptober wasn't supposed to be so long. But I couldn't just have the grief and mourning without some lead up. Then it turned into this. I mean, there couldn't be no side-effects to what happened in the very first prompt of the month. The thing with this one was I wanted them indoors, that's where the lead up came in. 'Cause clearly homes and residential areas aren't going to be 100% safe during a zombie apocalypse. Some background on this one; I already, more or less, know Anti's background. He's lost someone as well. Though they weren't in a relationship like Chase and Stacy, but he's gone through it as well. He just handled it differently than Chase did and had more time to coup with the loss. Though Chase was glad he finally had a name he could call his travel buddy. As well as being happy at the little bit of conversation they had.

When I saw the prompt Crown for the 22nd day of Egoshiptober the first thing I thought of was royalty. But with no idea how to make that work, I remembered those cardboard crowns from Burger King from when I was a kid. I thought, hey, I could work with that. It was slow progress figuring this one out after that though. I knew it would be Henrik, Chase, and Chase's kids, but outside of that I was clueless. I don't know how to write children. How was I going to make this work... Well, after I finished it and had my IRL proofreader read it, I was pleasantly surprised to be told I hit the mark on the age bracket I was aiming for. As with some of the other prompts, it's the little things with this one that I liked. The willingness of Henrik to join in on the antics. While at the same time taking control of it. The kids siding with Henrik. This one was fun.

I kinda felt bad that for Egoshiptober day 25 I made it sad. I mean, I coulda done haunted house or something. But no. I went with one of the two dying and 'haunting' the other. That Marvin's spirit stayed with Chase. Though despite it being sad there is some distinct sweetness there too. Marvin doesn't want Chase to drink himself to the bottom of the bottle. How Marvin is trying to take care of him while getting used to his own situation. I love how heart-wrenching yet sweet this is. Marvin's little 'I love you.' that wakes up Chase during the last bit. Then he brushes his hair out of the way and kisses his forehead. It's just... so sweet. I also had thoughts to continue this one and make it longer. But I didn't since where I ended it felt like enough. Also, I felt it would loss the 'haunted' feel to it if I made it longer and expanded on it.

The prompt for the 28th day was an Alternate prompt from the Whumptober list. This one I was really nervous to post. I was so afraid of having negativity thrown at me for writing something I have zero personal experience in. Despite my concerns, I personally like how it turned out. It's part of backstory to another story I have started. As I said, I have no personal experience in the situation I had written. I have much sympathy to anyone who has as well as much resentment to those who have put someone in that situation.

And finally, day 30 for the Egoshiptober prompt. As well as an Alternate prompt from the Whumptober list. This was surprisingly one of the first prompts I'd written. I think it was anyway. It turned out longer than I had expected it to. But I'm very happy with how it turned out. My proofreader, one of the two people who I feel comfortable enough with to read my writing IRL, liked this so much she wanted a continuation. Personally, there's so much I like with this one. Again a lot of little things. The ending is just... heartbreaking for Jackie though.

[chromatic-lamina]

Picking a selected few is hard! 2, 4, 6, 11/13, 16, 31, 34, 36, 41 and the bonus question of your choosing (such a great idea!). And of course, no obligation, answer whichever question you want!

I had to waste some time today any :-) (work avoidance). No wonder my fic output has slowed down...and thank you for the ask!

2. If you could request more of a certain type of fic, which would it be?

I think this is quite similar to question 27 (Name a type of fic that you wish there was more of), which I answered here. But in addition to that answer, I’ll agree with you and wish that there was more exploration of both psychological ramifications from traumatic events and recovery arcs that dealt with the same. Humour too, and maybe that fanon didn’t carry so much weight at times (but only when I disagree with it, ha ha).

4. Do you ever re-read fics? How about triple-read?

Yes, but only the smut (shame-faced), though I did read Dr_Cyance’s “Worth” twice or more times through, and not solely for the smut.  I haven’t re-read it for a while. I don’t really reread original fiction either, even when I love it. I’m more likely to re-read one shots, or particular chapters. One one-shot I re-read now and then is a translation, 

Him, by 冬兒, trans. Renata Lord (snowlight). It’s a Cora & Law, and is just beautifully told. I also dip into sections and the opening chapter of Angel Down (aikat3rin3) every now and then, because the opening is killer. In fact, I do that with a lot of fics, too many to mention.

I also like chapter 10 of lastofromance’s Heart Stealer, where Law and Zoro bond over embroidering Heart apparel and knitting haramaki. When I’m in the mood I trawl the archive for Zoro/Law stories I read in the past but misplaced along the way which have an easy balance between the two. Ace/Law too, cos Marco/Law sure is thin on the ground ;-)

Also, Dust to Dust by Hack.Drawer. That one really got me in the feels (LawSan). I think I re-read it more while waiting for updates, but I haven’t really gone back to it, but will one day.

6. Do you prefer long fics or short fics?

I don’t like fics that are overly long. My upper-limit is about 200k, and that’s at a stretch, though I’ve read longer than that. I’ve read many fics where the author has just missed the perfect ending spot, then the story spirals out of control, and it either never finishes because it’s constantly getting updated, or it never finishes because the author never finishes it. Not all stories are like that of course, and fanfiction is more like the series it emulates than a whole complete piece of work, so I need to view it that way sometimes.

I really admire the authors who are great editors and present their stories in lean, mean and sleek packages of 80k and under. Which is still longer than most novels.

However, some of the WIP I follow are definitely above 100k and I’ve stuck with them so far, and the writing is still tight.

I think that readers who deprive themselves of work because of a smaller word count are also missing out. Some real gems in the drabbles and one shots out there. So, I can’t say I prefer one over the other, but I’m very wary of fics with massive word counts.

11/13: AU questions:

Yeah, I love AUs and I read them. I don’t really like straight canon retellings. I don’t see the point, though it’s interesting how some writers reimagine things from different points of view. I like stories set in canon-verse too, but just repeating the canon story is usually a turn off for me (why I avoid most time travel fics).

Fave AUs? Unpopular opinion, but I do like well done high school or college AUs. Usually they never get finished though, and a lot aren’t that well done. Mafia, cops and robbers. Never thought I’d like zombie or vampire AUs, but Deadhouse by YamatosSenpai and Angel Down (mentioned before) are both favourites. Really, so long as the writing’s good I’ll usually read it, and have read tropes I thought I wouldn’t because of this.

Okay, I’ll answer 16, 31, 34, 36 in another post too... cos, yeah. Folks are already scrolling past :-) Thank you for the asks @afterdeck-ace ! Questions answered: 2, 4, 6, 11/13, 15, 27, 28, 35. Intending to answer: 16, 31, 34, 36, 41

Original questions here if you’re curious.

[dragonnan]

Oh, I love these things!!!! Thank you for tagging me, @kitcat992!

1. At what age did you start writing fanfiction?

14 or 15.  This was back in the 80s, mind, so we had only JUST got our first computer - this beast called an IMB Zeos Clone.  Clunky, awkward, the only writing program was something along the lines of an ancient word processor.  After working through the gauntlet of online dialup I was faced with this nebulous “web” hunt and peck through these various shoddy sites.  HOW I discovered fanfic?�� You know, I honestly cannot remember.  What I first remember reading was Star Wars and Star Trek.  The very first thing I started writing was a novel length Star Wars adventure based heavily on the published novels and featuring a self-insert Mary Sue.  Classic.  Took me 5 years to complete and I never posted it (though I still have it on hard disc lol). 

2. Who is your favorite author?

As others have stated, I have no single favorite.  I adore the writings of my bestie, SydneyWoo, in the Psych fandom - though she hasn’t written in years.  FAR too many to list, though, of other favorite Psych authors but you can find the list HERE.  For the MCU, I adoooore @kitcat992, @yellowdistress, @silentsaebyeok, and @sumpetals as well as several others.  For Sherlock one of my biggest faves is sgam76 - she is MAGIC the way she writes massive stories that heavily feature the contentious/caring relationship between Mycroft and Sherlock and she fleshes out that world like no other.  (plus her whump is decadent!!!).  Another Sherlock fave is @mizjoely - her Sherlock/Molly fics are meltingly glorious and pound the romance button hard!  

3. Favorite type of scene to write?

That oppressive anxiety-laden moment leading up to horror.  When the character is just coming to realize how bad their circumstances are about to become yet also knowing there is no escape.  

4. What is your favorite fanfic?

Holy hell, well again, this isn’t possibly a single answer as I have different fics I adore in different fandoms (and MANY besides!)!  I’ll do my best not to make this too long!!

Okay, so, Sherlock is maybe the easiest.  

Scheherezade by sgam76 Redemption by sgam76 Lost for Words by awanderingbard

MCU:

Identity Theft by KitCat992 A Sailor Went to Sea by YellowDistress youth by sumpetals (warning: reference noncon)

Psych (sorry, this one is looooong!):

I Don't Know How to Say Goodbye by Psychrulz And Then The World Blew Up by SydneyWoo Lingering Chill by s_c An Almost World by Oldach Dreaming A Whisper to the Living by Xparrot Fractures by VampKira Love Lasts Forever, but Sanity Has a Shelf Life by Redwolffclaw The Spencers of Santa Barbara: The Curse of Benitoite by JR88fan Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill by JR88fan A Funny Thing Happened On the Way Into Hell by Am_I_Zombie Hard To Believe It Will Be Okay by silverluna Happy Halloween by NoirCat Father Figures by Kirei  Fathers and Sons Felonious and Otherwise by Okapi Statement Time by NoirCat 

5. What tags do you avoid like the plague?

I really hate deathfic (yet DO have a few I’ve read but they were exceptions).  Save for Sherlolly (Sherlock/Molly) I pretty much avoid romance geared fic - especially non-canon pairings.  

I WILL NEVER READ CANON COMPLIANT ENDGAME FIC. FULL STOP.

If the fic lists Morgan Stark among the characters I will swipe left.

If the fic lists Starker I will light my computer on fire.

I rarely read au fic of any sort - I like my characters to be who they are with very few exceptions.

I don’t really care for crackfic.

I almost never read fic shorter than 1,000 words.  

6. What AU do you wish to write but feel like you won’t manage?

I currently AM writing an Endgame au - though not the actual events so much as referencing an alternate history.  This is a massive undertaking and will like take until the end of time to complete.

7. Do you outline, or write as you go?

Pretty much develop the story as I go.  I tend to have a broad sense of the story in my mind but mostly it’s an organic process that I build on as I go - adding tons of notes after every chapter.

8. What has been your favorite story to write so far? Why?

Oh, gosh...  Well, for Psych, it’s Where There is Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth; a cannibal/horror adventure that took me about 7 years to finish.  I love it because my favorite thing about writing Psych is to insert what we’ll NEVER see in that franchise - like cannibalism lol! Ok, yeah, they did that zombie episode but STILL it was just a dream so...  Anyhow, this fic was actually inspired by a dream my friend, SydneyWoo, had.  The research was straight up nauseating, not gonna lie.  However, I loved writing such a deviant character and it’s easily the worst whump I’ve ever inflicted on Shawn. 

For MCU it’s Simple Math; a Tony-centric introspective piece and the first story I every wrote for that fandom.  This story tries to unpack Tony’s feelings following Obie’s betrayal - something I’ve yet to find in fanfic that delves into it to my satisfaction.  While a one-shot it is 100% about Tony trying to figure out why Obie hated him.  There is very much a child-like confusion and loss to his emotions as I feel that has to be the greatest hurt caused by someone he’d thought was a friend (prior to Civil War).  Plus I had so many questions, myself, and wanted to work through them through Tony’s mind.   

For Sherlock, it’s the in-progress story, The Tiger and the Shark, a non-con whump/PTSD fic that, again, is the first fic I’ve ever written for this fandom.  Yet another fic dealing with a subject that other fics of this sort never satisfy with their handling.  Too often they are either too short or too graphic or may be well written but tend to move too fast towards recovery.  I wanted to explore the day to day details.  Some days are good, more days are bad - or numb - or frantic.  I wanted to see how other characters reacted - my favorite being Mycroft (criminally underused in fandom).  This story spans over a year (so far) so I don’t cut corners on the trauma.  It is 95% comfort and getting into Sherlock’s head, as he copes, has easily been, by turns, a wonderful as well as heart-wrenching experience.   

9. Do you prefer to write one-shots or multi-chapters? Why?

I try to write one-shots but always end up going multi-chapter.  I admit I LOVE multi-chapter because it allows me to truly develop the story properly and dig into character trauma.

10. What is your favorite kind of comment?

Like everyone else has said, it’s any comment that goes deep into analyzing my story.  I LOVE the opportunity to engage with a commentator and the more involved the comment, the easier it is to interact.

11. Why did you start writing fanfiction? Why are you still writing?

Even as a tiny childling I loved telling stories.  I was always writing little books about animals - sorta like the Serendipity tales.  How that suddenly turned towards fanfic I honestly can’t remember.  Most likely born from discovering fanfic and realizing there were things I wanted to see that wasn’t being provided by the shows and movies I watched aka whump.  

I continue to write fanfic because, the more I develop as a writer the more passionate I feel about my craft.  Sites like AO3 are hugely encouraging towards that end as there is a whole community of writers with which I’m honored to interact who keep feeding my love of story telling.  And since the fandoms I love, sadly, continue to disappoint with their stupid ass decisions I feel burdened with glorious purpose to put right what they made wrong.

ALRIGHT HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS

Haha! Psych!  It’s the same questions! I actually like them so I ain’t changing anything xD

Okay, damn.... So I need to tag ya’ll people.  Alrighty, here I go!  @disappearinginq @mizjoely @sumpetals @aelaer @iron--spider @yellowdistress @villaniouslyawesome

[winetae]

⇾ tessellate 02

⇁ hoseok x female reader x jungkook

⇁ smut, slight angst || fuckboi!au

⇁ public sex, exhibitionist themes, angsty sex;

⇁ 10.1k

. . .

“ Triangles are my favorite shape Three points where two lines meet.” (tessellate)

Triangles are supposed to be the strongest and most stable of all geometric shapes. You wonder how true this statement is if applied to real life situations. The way you see it: triangles aren’t a reliable structure for relationships, especially if the parties you’re involved with find commitment to be a foreign concept.

↳ or : a fuckboy’s guide to polyamory

⇀ start | 01 | 02

.

.

Your life is a mess — figuratively and literally. Empty coffee cups fill up your wastebasket; messy notes are strewn across your desk. Your sheets are in desperate need of washing — not that you can bring yourself to care when you’ve been falling asleep at your desk for the last three days. 

Sleep itself has become a foreign concept. Cup ramen and dry shampoo are now your trusted best friends. Although you do require ten different alarms on your phone to make sure you don’t miss class, your body miraculously manages to function properly enough for you to trudge through the week more or less unscathed. 

The past week in question is a blur; one never-ending, miserable routine that starts and ends with schoolwork. When your days aren’t eaten away by your part-time job and classes, you spend the rest of your time cram studying in cafes or finishing off your semester project in one of the available art studios on campus. You’re too caught up with your mountain-high pile of workload to dwell on any relationship troubles, especially when finals are knocking at your door, ready to promptly drag you down to your grave. 

"Rough night?" 

One of the only classmates you’re acquainted with, Joo, slinks into the chair beside yours, her leather messenger bag dropping to the floor with an audible thud. The familiar aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts under your nose, and your sleep-deprived eyes are immediately drawn to the venti-sized cup she nurses in her hands. Your stomach growls — a loud reminder that you’ve been living off nothing but shots of caffeine and instant noodles.

"Is it that obvious?" You cover the undersides of your eyes self-consciously with your sleeve-covered hands. 

Has your concealer worn off already? The drugstore brand isn’t renowned for being long-lasting but it should, at the minimum, last longer than an hour… What the hell? You had been relying on the product to make you look somewhat human. You grown inwardly, already imagining how frightening you must look with your panda eyes and greasy hair haphazardly tied into a poorly put together bun. You make a mental note to stay away from the sight of your reflection only because you want to spare your eyes the pain.

Your clothes don’t help your case, either — the wrinkled hoodie that dwarfs your form makes you look like an unidentifiable blob who has been living in the same outfit for the past week...which, admittedly, wouldn’t be too far from the truth. You’re sure anyone who takes one glimpse in your direction would think you’ve given up on looking like a normal human being. Between the fight with Hoseok and finals looming over your head like a dark cloud, you’ve been neglecting to take care of yourself properly. And, in all honesty, you would rather sleep an extra fifteen minutes than get up to apply a layer of makeup.

"Don't worry, you don't look worse than anyone else here..." She gives you a friendly pat on the shoulder after noticing your gloomy expression.

A cursory glance around the room confirms Joo’s statement. Her words, however, fail to cheer you up. To know that you’re not worse off than the rest of your classmates is not the most comforting piece of information. A sea of red-rimmed eyes, sunken expressions and grayish complexions surrounds you; it’s a sight you would expect to see in post-apocalyptic movies, not in a 10 am painting class. 

"I stayed up until four finishing the damned thing. Thank God for coffee, right?" ” Joo’s lips curl into a frown as she pulls out her essay from her overstuffed bag. She curses under her breath when she notices the front page is dogeared and runs a hand over it in an attempt to flatten it out.

"Yeah.... I haven't been able to sleep much. I wish Professor Park would give us some slack.”

"Him? Give us a break? Yeah, right. He gets off watching us suffer. Why else would he give us this much work before finals? Fuckin' sadist.” She leans forward to press down harder, face contorted in a frown. “He can't wait to see us breakdown from the stress alone." Finally, she kicks one of the legs of the chair in front of her and slumps in her seat, apparently having given up on fixing the crease that mars the cover of her assignment.

Right on cue, the door slides open, and she peeks though her fingers, probably expecting Park to storm in right then. Her tense shoulders relax when the last students shuffle in instead of Park. She waves one of her friends over to the vacant chair next to her, her expression perking up.

You don’t recognize her friend, but, then again, you’re disgustingly bad at remembering faces. If Joo hadn’t struck up a conversation with you several weeks ago, you probably wouldn’t remember her, either. Your eyes stay peeled on her approaching form, partly out of secret admiration; unlike the rest of the zombie lookalikes in the class, her skin glows and her hair is perfectly sleek and shiny (the shampoo-advertisement glossy perfection you see on TV, not the gross kind of oily).

"You lot look like you've gone to hell and back again." The tall girl says in lieu of greeting, turning up her nose at the sight of the two of you. The look that crosses her face suggests she’s accidentally planted her heeled boot smack dab in a pile of cow dung… It does wonders for your ego. 

"That's 'cos we have.” Joo grumbles behind the rim of her cup of coffee. “Did you forget the 12 page essay due today?" 

"I'm more surprised you remembered. You're so unorganized, it’s a wonder you get any assignments done on time. It stresses me out every time I see you write your homework down on your hand. You can’t keep living this way… It’s April and you still don’t own a fucking planner!”

"Yeah yeah, whatever, mom. I'm not the only one who looks like death. Why don't you scold ____, too?"

You freeze up as they both turn to look at you, feeling the weight of their stares sweep over you.

The look Tall Girl appraises you with makes you flatten the top of your hair in a half-assed attempt to look more presentable. You don’t need confirmation of your repulsiveness when you're already all too aware that your tangled and knotted tendrils look like an open invitation for birds to come make their nest atop your head.

"I overslept today, s'all, didn’t have time to brush my hair," you mumble intelligibly between your teeth. You tug the sleeves of your sweater further down so that your fists are covered in the soft fabric, silently wishing that the ground would choose this exact moment to swallow you whole.

"It's cool that you're so confident in your appearance. I think if I dated someone so handsome, I would worry a lot more,” she says, leaning forward on her elbows to get a good look at you. You’re running dangerously low on sleep and patience which is why the mention of Hoseok instantly puts you in a crappy mood.

"Not everyone is that superficial, Lin. Exams are next week. Only you would care enough to get a Brazilian blowout four days before exams start." Joo forces out a laugh, trying to dispel the silent tension that had inched its way into the conversation. “Lin is a bit of bitch, don’t take it personally.”

“We all have our faults,” she shrugs, unbothered. “I’m a superficial, materialistic bitch — the kind trophy wives aspire to be. But at least I’m upfront about it. Say what you want, but I’m not the worse of the batch… Some people don’t have any morals.”

“You have morals? I’m surprised that you have a soul,” Joo snickers, earning an eye roll.

“Some things just go against my principles. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing UGG boots, for example. Not even if you paid me to.” You can’t help but look down at her outfit — the sparkly pink ensemble looks straight out of the set of Scream Queens. “I only smoke weed on weekends and I don’t kiss boys who are taken.”

Mr. Park chooses that moment to enter the classroom, and you silently thank him for the save. You’re not sure what you could have replied to that, anyway. This is why you try not to interact with anyone, you think to yourself.

As the voice of your professor drones on, going over the study material for the nth time this week, your mind unwilling drifts back to Hoseok, prompted by Lin’s words.

It’s not like you’re actively thinking of him every second of every day. The God honest truth is that you’re trying your best not to let yourself be consumed by thoughts of him. For the most part, your method works well. You’ve got so much to juggle on your plate at the moment that your romantic woes are on the bottom of your growing list of concerns. Yet there are inevitable times when you’re forced to acknowledge the jumbled feelings you haven’t been able to sort out since the night you walked out on him.

Now being a prime example.

Lin’s words bring you back to last week’s fight, the incriminating messages found on his phone and his refusal to explain himself. You still have no clue what you should make of it. Your experience is limited; none of your past relationships have ever been this complicated or dramatic. The entire situation makes your heart clench with anxiety. Bubbling panic brews in the pit of your stomach when your thoughts linger on this subject too long.

Avoiding Hoseok will only postpone confrontation but you would rather battle one fight at a time. Finals are the most important. That’s what you tell yourself anyway, trying to justify your actions when you refuse to call him back after he leaves yet another voicemail.

Mina [10:21 am] you owe me lunch

Mina [10:21 am] it’s been a week

Oh, right… Mina had ordered you a cheese pizza last week when you refused to come out of your room. You had promised to pay her back, only to eventually forget. 

You glance ahead, trying to type your reply back as surreptitiously as possible.

Mina [10:22 am] pls feed me today

Mina [10:22 am] i’m broke af rn. my paycheck doesn’t come until the end of the month

You [10: 24 am] okay, fine. meet up for coffee at 12?

Mina [10:24 am] yes!!! I love you <33

Mina [10:25 am] is now a good time to tell u I finished your apple pie this morning

You [10:25 am] !!!!!!

You [10:26 am] I fucking hate you

Mina [10:28 am] sorry :-( will do your laundry for a week

You type back the last message with more force than necessary, a frown marring your features.

A voice interrupts your internal monologue, “Miss ______.”

The call of your name makes your head snap up, your wide eyes meeting the stern gaze of your professor. Although you feel like a deer in headlights, you try to mask your dread with a look of innocence. Several students have turned around to glance at you, and your cherry cheeks burn under the scrutiny.

“Yes?” Your response comes out as a nervous squeak, the sound betraying you. As you clear your throat with a loud cough, the hand that grips your phone under the table trembles.

Park heaves a sigh, the sound echoing in the silence of the room. “Please come see me after class.” The expression etched on his face informs you that whatever discussion he wishes to have with you will most likely not bode well for your future.  

“Yes, sir,” comes your meek reply.

Joo shoots you a sympathetic smile you weakly reciprocate.

It seems like your week from hell can get worse, you despair, holding back a groan. Stress eats away at you and you find it impossible to concentrate on the lesson when your thoughts cycle between Hoseok, your professor, and how your life just monumentally sucks. 

When class is finally dismissed, your shoulders sag with the weight of your accumulated troubles. You plod on over to your teacher’s desk, your apprehension visible on your face. 

“Your essay on George Seurat and Neo-Impressionism you handed in last week was, quite frankly, a disappointment,” is what he says once the last students have cleared out. 

Your stomach drops and you think you’re about to feel sick. Being told you’re failing class is not on the list of words you want to hear, now or ever. Back in high school, your work was always highly praised with a stellar grade to prove it, but you feel like your luck is about to change. 

“This isn’t the first month of college anymore. We’re almost at the end of the year, so I expect more from you. If you turn in something like that on the day of the final exam… Don’t expect a passing grade. I’m telling you this because I know that you’re capable of doing better.” 

He hands you your paper, red scribbles smirching the entirety of the first page. You take it back gingerly, afraid to read through all of your teacher’s commentary. Clutching your paper to your chest like a shield, you brace yourself for further criticism. 

“The factual content on the color theory is not false but your explanations are muddled and clumsy. If you follow the methodology we went over in class, you wouldn’t be having this problem. You seem distracted lately, and today was not an exception.” You respond to the pointed look he aims at you with a sheepish expression. 

“You don’t have a lot of time left, so make sure to straighten out your priorities. You have to get yourself back in the game, _____. Don’t lose focus of the objective now! You don’t want to see me next year again, alright?” The small smile he gives you makes you nod automatically. You thank him and promise him that you’ll try harder.

Outside, Joo looks up from her phone when you finally come out of the classroom. Lin stands behind her, inspecting her nails with a bored look plastered on her face. “So, how did it go?”

“Oh...it went fine. He’s not as scary as he looks,” you force out a smile, feeling a little dead inside. There’s a head-splitting ringing in your ears that makes your vision spin — almost as if someone has just hammered you over the head.  “He just wanted to go over the essay we turned in last week.”

“Cheer up,” she pats your shoulder awkwardly, your hand falling back to her side. “We’re going to work on our paintings this afternoon in Studio B. You should come too, if you’re not busy.”

“Yeah, okay.” The corners of your lips hurt, but you continue smiling. 

Your body moves on autopilot for the rest of the day — your feet two lead weights you drag across the floor to your next class. The only thing you look forward to is your lunch date with Mina. You’re so down that you don’t mind spending an extra ten bucks on sweets because you’re in serious need of a pick-me-up. 

The café you usually study in is packed; tables all around you are taken up by the MacBooks of students. You manage to find a seat in the very back, next to a lady in her seventies feeding her Chihuahua the crumbs of her cookie. There is not much elbow room, but Mina somehow manages to fit the tray of Danish pastries and her plate of Black Forest cake on the small table. 

She doesn’t waste a second — her fork attacking the desserts like a woman possessed.

“You aren’t getting that?” she mouths around a bite of Spandauer.

Your phone buzzes four more times on the table, a selfie of Hoseok with his older sister's dog you’ve set as your lockscreen staring up at you.

'Two Missed Calls from Hoseok' your phone alerts you, making your roommate raise an inquisitive eyebrow in your direction.

You choose to ignore both the call and the look she aims at you, your face schooled in a mask of nonchalance. “Hm? It can wait. I’d rather spend my time with you.”

“How sweet,” she says, not without her suspicions. “It's fine, you can answer. It might be important, you never know... And please.” She rolls her eyes. "Don't say that when it’s never stopped you before.”

“Ha ha," you say drily, cursing how she's able to see right through you. "Is it so hard to believe it when I say I would rather talk to you? It's been a while since we've spent time together.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you would rather be sucking Hoseok’s meat stick. Not that I blame you… I’d suck that dry if I could. Not that I would since you’re dating him but y’know. I’m getting pretty desperate... I’m this close to letting Dandruff Dan take me on a date. Don’t look at me like that! You don’t know what it’s like, okay? My vagina hasn’t had any action in so long, it’s starting to feel dusty.”

Next to you, an old lady splutters into her coffee cup, shocked no doubt by the vulgarity of today’s youth. One look at the scandalized expression carved on her face and you don’t know whether to laugh or to feel embarrassed. A nervous, strangled giggle leaves your mouth before you can stop it, earning you another glare. You’re thankful at least Mina has the decency to mouth her apology while handing the elderly woman a stack of paper napkins.

“I’d love for her to have a chat with my gran,” Mina says under her breath after making sure the white-haired woman could no longer overhear your discussion. “She used to be a groupie and followed rock stars around from city to city. If you knew the stuff she did… Makes pornos look tame. Ah, I really miss her… She’d be so disappointed in me if she knew I haven’t had dick in over six months...”

She takes another bite of cake, looking thoughtful. "Are you sure Jimin isn't down to mingle?"

"Dunno..." You twirl your stripped straw around your smoothie, refusing to think about Jimin. Jimin makes you think of Hoseok, and Hoseok is a problem you can't bring yourself to solve.  "Haven't seen him around much lately."

You've never interacted much before, but now that you're giving Hoseok the silent treatment, you're hell bent on avoiding any of his friends as well.

"What's going on? I can tell something's up. You've been biting your straw non-stop since we sat down and just look at your nails." You look down, finally taking notice of the tragic state of your nails, uneven with chips of fading blue nail polish still coloring your thumbs. "And it's not like you to blow off Hoseok twice in a row like that."

"Just, you know...  Stupid stuff."

"It's not stupid if it's bothering you. You can tell me what's wrong, if you want. I'm not the best at giving advice, but I don't like seeing you like," she waves a hand around at your face, "this. You look like…”

“Death came knocking at your door this morning," she supplies with a grimace. "Jesus, when was the last time you took a shower? Seriously… What's bothering you so much? Is it Hoseok? Did you guys finally have a fight?"

"Finally? What is that supposed to mean?”

"Well, yeah. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

"Wait, what? You aren’t surprised?”

“Honestly?” Hesitation crosses her features as she mulls over her words. The beat of silence speaks volumes and gives you your answer before she finally speaks again. “Not really. What happened exactly?"

"I found some weird pictures on his phone. This girl he's been talking to sends him semi-nudes."

Mina shoots you an apologetic look. “I’ve always thought relationships built on sex don’t last long. Don’t take offense, okay? But all you two do is fuck. Any of your interactions involve getting each other off some way or another. I’m not saying that he should take you out to a fancy restaurant or anything, but... Do you guys even talk? What do you guys even do?”

“We do talk!” You’re quick to argue, used to defending yourself from accusations. “We text each other and we call each other when we can. Both of us are really busy right now, that’s why we haven’t been able to spend time with each other as much as I would’ve liked...”

“Okay...” She smiles, unconvinced. “And what do you guys talk about exactly?”

“Just, like...normal, mundane stuff. How our day went, what we’re having for dinner. But we’ve never argued before this...”

“So...superficial talk. You could have the same conversations with anyone else, am I right? And what do you even know about him? What’s his favorite color?”

“We don’t have to know everything about each other,” you argue. “We just started dating! You can’t expect us to know every single, little thing about each other. And, besides, I don’t know much about you, either, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t close.  Knowing or not knowing his favorite color shouldn’t be a reason enough to be with him or not.”

“It was an example, gosh. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t see what’s changed between now and the time you guys were just casually fucking. Like, cool, he calls you his girlfriend now, but what does it matter if he’s off wetting his dick whenever you’re too busy to let him come by.”

“I don’t know about that. He did say that he didn’t get with her since he started dating me... I shouldn’t care about who he’s been with before that.”

“You actually believe that excuse?” Mina lets out an unattractive snort. Stabbing a fork into her slice of chocolate cake with more force than necessary, she scoops out a huge mouthful that she somehow manages to swallow in one bite. “Honey, he could at least try to sound a little more convincing. He got that straight from a 'How to be a fuckboy' manual.”

"Hoseok isn't like his friends," you insist, stubbornly.

"Sure, sure. Take off your rose covered lenses for a second and hear me out. Birds of a feather flock together. Even if he's not as bad as his fuckboy posse, he can't be squeaky clean either. He and his friends name themselves the Pussy Terminators... Not only is that cringe as fuck, it's also a quite telling."

"I think Hoseok mentioned Jimin was the one who came up with that..." you add as an afterthought.

"That's not the point here! The point is, those types of guys are good for a fuck, and that's it. I'm glad things were working well with Hoseok, but I also don't want you to get hurt. So talk it out, listen to what he has to say, but don't let him play you like the naive freshman he might think you are."

She takes one of your hands between her own, “Don’t let him step all over you, okay? I know you like him a lot, but I can see how stressed out and miserable you look.”

You chew on your bottom lip, mulling over her words in silence. While she does have a point, you want to give Hoseok the benefit of the doubt, even if you aren’t sure if he deserves it. 

The dilemma that rages inside your heart but be readable on your face, for Mina squeezes your hand in comfort. “Go home, take a hot shower. You’ll feel a lot better, trust me.” 

It turns out that Mina is right about at least one thing. The hot shower does wonders for the crick in your neck, and you feel like a different person now that your hair is clean and the thin layer of grime has been scrubbed off your body. A hot shower is not a miracle solution for all of your problems, but it’s one step in the right direction. 

Feeling rejuvenated in clean clothes, you head on over to the art studio to advance on your semester paint project with a spring in your step. Painting always helps your clear your mind — once you get in the zone, no one and nothing can distract you. 

The scaled down frame forces you to focus on the tiniest details, invisible to the untrained eye. With meticulous brush strokes, streaks of golden brown start to fill in the stenciled field. Every measured stroke is thought out and calculated; your hand is steady, your breath synced to each subtle movement of the paintbrush that glides across the smooth surface of the canvas.

Any of your previous worries are pushed to the back of your mind, out of sight. You don’t even notice when Joo and Lin eventually leave the studio, too immersed in the task at hand. The sun shifts in the sky, casting shadows that make it impossible to continue your work. 

It's when you finally set down the tool in your hand that you begin to register your immediate surroundings. The hands of the clock hung up on the wall indicate how much time has slipped by and, distantly, you tell yourself that you should hurry on home if you want to catch the first few minutes of the TV show you've been into lately.

However, instead of heading back home, you stare blankly at your unfinished painting. Intense dislike twists your insides and you have to fight down a scowl. 

The bright, warm hues of your painting are meant to reflect inner peace and happiness, but one glance tells you that the mix of colors look startlingly wrong. The blue of the sky is too icy, the golden field of wheat grim and inhospitable. You feel nothing when you stare at it, and that vacancy in your chest leaves you feeling bitter. 

Nothing in your life seems to be working out right now. 

You have no idea how to repair what’s been broken or where to even begin. Mina’s right, you think, you are miserable. Being with Hoseok had only been a temporary bliss, but it wasn’t a solution to all of your existing problems. While the rest of your life slowly spiraled out of control, you found refuge in his touch and his whispered words of reassurance. 

A quiet knocking at the door breaks your concentration. Speak of the devil and he shall appear... Somehow, you know who it is before the door even opens. Call it intuition. 

The thick wooden door slides open, and the face of the person you've been avoiding appears. Your heart stops, and, for a second, you think you’ve mistaken a dream for reality. 

Hoseok is dressed in sweats and the university jersey, his hair pushed back beneath his snapback. Being familiar with his schedule, you suspect he’s come straight from practice. The dance studio he trains in is situated on the other side of campus, and judging by how sweat still clings to his brow, his face glowing with a sheen of perspiration, you surmise he must've rushed here right away.

No one makes a move. Time is suspended — seconds seem to stretch into minutes in front of your very eyes. Beneath this silence, there's a tension that lingers in the air, an awkwardness that was never present before.

"Hey." Hoseok has his hands buried deep in his pockets. He tries to sound casual, like nothing is out of the ordinary. 

It only confirms everything you've been thinking about for the last few days. The two of you tend to ignore the problem in the hopes that it will fade and disappear by itself. Still — he's here now, isn't he? That has to mean something. 

"Hi," you say back, but even to your own ears, the greeting sounds contrived. You wonder how long you’ll keep on dancing around the elephant in the room.

As much as you would rather not have this conversation, you know that you can’t keep running away from confrontation forever. This is why your relationship isn’t working in the first place; because the both of you have been turning a blind eye whenever any kind of problem arises. 

Now that you've acknowledge that there's an issue, will you really keep on ignoring it? How can you possibly keep pretending that all is okay when you feel the weight of all that was left unsaid pressing down on your shoulders?

Hoseok must feel it, too.

“Can we talk about this now? Or are you still mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you,” you clarify with a sigh, setting down your palette.

To this he raises a brow, evidently not convinced, “Well, how else am I supposed to interpret all the missed calls and unanswered messages? Would you have even talked to me if I hadn’t come here and sought you out?” Although he’s trying to stay levelheaded about this and speak calmly, you can detect traces of frustration slowly seeping into his speech. "If Kook hadn't told me where to find you, I wouldn't even be having this conversation with you right now."

He leans his weight against the doorframe, his head tipping back as he lets out a frustrated exhale. The column of his neck is exposed to your stare, making it easy to spot the fading pink bruise you had left him near his chiseled jaw. "I don't blame you, if you are. But we should be talking this out, yeah? You never gave me the chance to explain the other night. Well— " He pauses, chewing his bottom lip as he measures his next words carefully. "That night, I didn't tell you everything so...I can understand why you would misunderstand. I don't know if I'm too late but I'd like to explain myself now."

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you I needed some space, but I needed time to think about...us.” A beat passes as you gather your thoughts. You’re thankful he doesn’t jump to conclusions right away and gives you the time to speak free of interruptions. "

“Did you work it out?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Good. I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us — especially about this. Yuna? She means nothing to me. Not even — we never… I’ve never hooked up with anyone else since we started being together. I know I don’t have the perfect reputation, so I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me, but I’ve never cheated on you.”

“Hoseok, who is she?” The silent accusation is loud enough for him to flinch.

His tongue swipes over his dry lips. You expect him to give you a roundabout, vague answer that will only add fuel to the sparking fire.

After a moment of silent debate, he inhales deeply, choosing to stick to the truth. “We hooked up a few times over Christmas break before New Year’s. I thought we were on the same page, that those few times didn’t mean anything but good fun, and for a while Yuna didn’t do anything to make me think otherwise. Sometimes, one night stands think that they’re something more and it’ll complicate things, but Yuna was always chill."

Hoseok notices your expression and continues, "But ever since we started dating, I don’t know what’s gotten into her… No matter how many times I tell her I’m not interested, I can’t shake her off. There’s not much I can do but ignore her messages and leave her calls unanswered...”

“So…you’re telling me that she’s the one making passes at you? And that you can’t do anything but reject her over and over again…” Saying it out loud makes his explanation all the less believable.

“I know. I know it sounds like a weak ass argument. God, I’m sorry, you deserve better," he berates himself, the corners of his lips pulling into a frown. "I wish that I could tell her to fuck off for good.”

“Then why can’t you? Isn’t this harassment? You have to tell her to stop! This isn’t okay, and I’m not just saying this because I’m dating you, or because I’m jealous or want you to myself or—” You inhale deeply, catching your breath before you continue, "This isn’t okay, Hoseok. If a guy kept sending me dick pics even when I clearly told him I wasn’t interested—"

“I know," he cuts off your rambling with an exasperated sigh. "I know and I try to avoid her when I can, I do, but she’s in the fucking Mayday Showcase. If she was any other fuck, I would set her straight, but I don’t want to pick a fight right now. Our teamwork already sucks as it is… The showcase means too much; I can’t let myself screw it up.”

“You’re not the one screwing anything up. If this is true, she shouldn’t be acting this unprofessional in the first place.”

“Yeah, but it’s also my fault for not following the rules. We’re not supposed to fool around with anyone on our team for this exact reason. I should've known something like this would happen.”

“So what? You’re going to let her come onto you until the year is over? How in the world does that help your teamwork?” You cross your arms, lips pursed in displeasure.

“What else am I supposed to do? Jun even told me to deal with it on my own. ‘Keep your side fucks in line’ is what he said. Crude, but he has a point. It’s my fault, right? As the saying goes, I've made my bed so now I have to lie in it."

“Jun’s a dumbass…" Shaking your head, you don't know who you're more annoyed with — Jun for giving the world's shittiest advice or Hoseok for accepting his words without protest. "No wonder the teamwork is shit, when you have him as your captain. Maybe you should take it up with your dance instructor instead. Surely they’ll intervene, right?”

“So they can, what, pull Yuna from the showcase? And mess with the dance formations? We’ve been practicing this for months, it’s not something so easily changeable. If that happens, it’ll take more effort to adjust and rearrange the choreo. Dance comes first, it always has. It’s all I have, you know? It's all I’m good at. If I lose this chance, then there won’t be anything left for me to do.” He trails off, his eyes fixing a stain on the wall with feigned interest. He tries to mask his discomfort but you can see right through his act. It's not often Hoseok divulges his inner thoughts and insecurities; he probably feels embarrassed and regrets speaking too much.

A pause laden with tension follows, filling the empty void between the two of you, as you try to make sense of what he said. You're momentarily at a loss for words. Normally, you would provide gentle words of encouragement, but this time they get stuck in your throat. You still don't know whether or not to buy his explanation. It would be so easy to give him the benefit of the doubt and just go back to how things were in the past...

"Don’t get me wrong." The silence is finally broken with an awkward cough. "I don't care about Yuna; I don’t even consider her a friend. But I can deal with it. It’s a major pain in the ass, but I can deal with it."

You nod, not sure who he's trying to convince — you or himself. What is that even supposed to mean? Is he doing you a favor by letting this girl send him pictures of her in various states of undress? Mina’s words of warning ring through your head again, reminding you not to let him take you for a fool.

“I… I just don’t understand why you couldn’t have told me this earlier,” is what you say about a bout of silence. “Why did you have to hide this from me? Don’t you think this is just a little bit important?”

“I guess I… It sounds dumb, but I didn’t want to ruin things between us. Things are stressful as fuck right now, but when I’m with you, I forget about all that for a while. For the short amount of time I get to spend with you, things become easier to swallow. No deadlines, no practice, no drama. But I don’t want to make up some lame excuse. It was wrong, I know I should’ve told you right away and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“Alright.” The curt reply is all you can manage. Talking has only made you more frustrated. So you’re just a stress reliever to him? That’s what he’s getting at right… What are you supposed to make of that? Does he expect you to be grateful?

The residual anger hasn’t washed away yet, and you feel the traces linger.

“So, we good?"

"Are we?” You’re tired of brushing things under the rug. “I don't think we've ever been good... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and talking to Mina helped me straighten my thoughts out.”

Your heart feels like it’s about to burst from the confines of your chest. You can feel the thrum of your pulse in your throat. Hands curling into fists at your side, you try to steel yourself. 

“I...I thi— I think it's best if we break up."

“y/n…”

“What we have isn’t a relationship—”

“Is that what Mina said?” He scoffs, slightly mocking. 

“It’s what everyone is saying!” You throw your hands up, your pent up anger exploding. 

“And since when do they matter? They don’t know anything about us.” The exasperated look he shoots you only irritates you further.

“But are they wrong?” 

“Okay, fine." He huffs, his brows pulling into a frown. He continues the next sentence in the same heated breath, "Maybe things aren’t ideal between us. Maybe we aren’t perfect together. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the poster child for any 21st century romance. But since when are relationships supposed to be a smooth sailing? Throw those ideals out the window. The stuff you read about in books doesn’t exist."

The look of frustration he pins you with roots you to the spot. You can't remember the last time he's gotten so worked up over something. Pushing himself off the wall, he stalks over to you, closing the distance in three long strides.

"But you know what’s real?" Hoseok doesn't wait for your answer, "I don’t need other people telling me how I should feel. I know what’s real.”

For the first time since you've met him, the words aimed at you are harsh and scathing. It feels like he’s digging an accusatory finger up against your chest even though he isn’t touching you at all.

“How you feel?" You can't keep the incredulity out of your tone. Scoffing, you cross your arms in the hopes that you won’t waver. You need to be strong, you remind yourself.

"Please don’t try to convince me to stay when you don’t even love me. Do you — Do you even like me?"

"Do I even—?  That's not the issue. Of course I like you.” He looks horribly affronted by your underlying suggestion, the crease between his brows deepening. A wounded expression falls over his face then, and he suddenly avoids your gaze. “But I— You’re right... I don’t know if what I feel is love. But at least I can say that I’m trying. Are you really going to run away at the first sign of trouble? I don't know much, but I don't think that's how relationships work."

“You always claim that you’re not the ideal boyfriend, but I’m not perfect either… I’m selfish, and I want a lot more than I lead on.” Your cheeks burn scarlet as you toy with the hem of your sweater, trying to distract yourself from the embarrassment that comes with your admission. It’s the first time you’ve been so honest, and, honestly, it makes your stomach turn. “I’ve never liked someone like you, I’ve never… I’ve never liked someone as much as you, either. But I feel like I’m investing a lot of myself in a relationship that isn’t going to work out. And as much as I want to be with you, I’m scared that I’m going to end up with the short end of the stick.”

Hoseok repeats your name, one of his hands tentatively reaching up to cup your jaw. His eyes don’t leave yours, like he’s trying to silently communicate the feelings he’s unable to voice out. You fix the tall bridge of his nose instead, then his pink lips — anything but the chocolate brown of his eyes. You’re afraid you’ll end up projecting your own feelings...and the last thing you want is to interpret his look for something else. You don’t need the false hope. 

“I’m really sorry,” he whispers, thumb stroking your chin, your lips. “You’ve always deserved better. If you’re selfish then what am I?”

When his lips meet yours, your eyes have already fluttered closed in anticipation. If you gasp into his mouth, he’s quick to swallow down the sound before it can reach his ears. 

Your hands fist the collar of his shirt, pulling him down closer to match your height. Greedily, you drink him in. His mouth tastes like the familiar, sweet flavor of Wrigley’s juicy fruit gum and the bittersweet taste of finality. You realize then how much you have missed him — his touch, the scent of his cologne that clings to his clothes like fabric softener, the way his lips work against yours with the intent of pulling you apart from the very seams.

"Ah, fuck," he curses under his breath when you nip the underside of his jaw, your tongue soothing over the mark with kittenish licks. You reach to pull off your pink hoodie, discarding it somewhere on the floor. The thin tank top you have on underneath draws attention to your cleavage which Hoseok can’t resist venerating with his gaze.  

The art studio isn't a private space. On the contrary, anyone is free to walk in unannounced just like Hoseok had moments ago. But like every single one of your risky encounters in the past, this knowledge only fuels your arousal. The desire that sparks within you whenever he's around always wins out.

One day, your kinks will surely get you arrested, you think self-deprecatingly. Arrested or kicked out of school. The thought barely forms in your mind before Hoseok tilts your head to deepen the kiss, wiping out your train of thought. His lips dull your senses — or rather they make him your sole focus. Whenever you’re with him, you don’t realize how severe your tunnel vision is. Lost in the moment, all you can do is concentrate on the way he gently cradles your jaw between his palms. Heat blooms inside of your chest with every swipe of his tongue against yours until you can’t remember anything but his name.

Hoseok seems to sense your urgency; he reciprocates your advances, his grip tightening around your waist as he backs you up against the window. Your back hits the cold surface with a thud. A throbbing heat spreads at once, your body reacting to his like it’s been conditioned to do so, but the pain doesn't have time to register, not when he presses himself against you and you find yourself sandwiched between the glass panel and his toned body. 

He pulls back and levels you with a heated look, "You want it here?" 

Your breaths mingle as he rests his forehead against yours while waiting for your verbal assent. With the way his arms cage you in his hold, you find it impossible to look away from the expression of lust that paints his face in bold streaks. It's like ripping off a Band-Aid, you think to yourself, convinced that it'll hurt less if you just fuck him out of your system for good. Hoseok interprets your silence for uncertainty so he adds quietly, "You can always say no. It's okay."

"I want this." Your answer spills from your swollen lips, too quickly for your liking, revealing your desire for the man in front of you. Having nothing left to hide, you decide to drop all prior pretences. "I always want you."

It's a truth you don't like to admit but can't bring yourself to deny. How can you pretend any differently? You've always been too honest about your intentions and your feelings, ignoring the warnings from your sister to never wear your heart on your sleeve. Although you understand the need to protect yourself from heartbreak and disappointment, you would rather experience that then live through a cycle of regrets and 'What If's'.

Hoseok's features soften at your admission, his thumbs hooking themselves in the loops of your jeans. Silently, he draws you closer still, your bodies perfectly intertwined, like two puzzle pieces slotting to make a match. Only a few layers of clothing separate you from him — you're so close you swear you can feel the drumming of his heart against your right breast.

From this close, you can't help but notice how the fire in his eyes is now smoldering rather than scorching. Sometimes the heat of his passion is so intense you feel like you'll combust into a mess of flames and smoke. If Hoseok is the sun, you are the fool who can't resist singeing her wings. But this way, it's bearable, you think to yourself, his darkened gaze making you slowly melt into a puddle instead.

"You're so good to me." His breath grazes your skin, his eyelashes fluttering as he stares you down. A thumb traces the curvature of your bottom lip like a sculptor admiring a finished masterpiece. "My good girl."

The words sear through you, no longer providing the comfort they used to. But the ache they leave in their wake is momentary, your mind refusing to dwell on the painful feeling.

Hoseok’s ministrations help distract you. Deft fingers inch under your shirt, caressing your supple flesh as gently as a bamboo brush sets ink to paper. The drag of his digits across the canvas of your skin is feather-light, almost hesitant, and you suspect this is Hoseok's way of making sure you truly want this as much as he does before going any further.

When you don't immediately back out or push him away, he pulls your top down far enough to expose your bra-clad chest, and cups your breasts over the last strip of fabric until you’re moaning against his mouth. The skimpy lace material leaves you vulnerable to his every ministratio — the soft squeezes of his hands on your mounds and the heel of his palm rubbing into you to provide delicious friction — and you can confidently affirm that no other man knows how to get you as riled up as he does. Hoseok is so familiar with your body that he could probably find each of your weak spots blindfolded. He uses this knowledge to his advantage, immediately honing his attention on your sensitive nipples, his thumb dragging over the lace covered buds until they're stiff and aching.

"A-ah, Hobi please..." Your tongue molds the words with familiarity, so used to begging for him.

"I know you enjoy that. Are you getting wet for me? Hmm, not yet?" He pinches you through the lace, the fabric chaffing your sore nipples. Your body jolts, breasts bouncing in his hands as he continues to play with your swollen buds. You have to swallow down your moan, unable to articulate the traitorous thoughts running through your mind. The longer this pleasurable torture continues, the more your body yearns for more. Still, you refuse to give in completely, wanting to test how long Hoseok could hold back.

Whenever you played this particular waiting game, victory had never been on your side. Not because Hoseok was unaffected — but because your desperation eventually became too much to tolerate.  

But expressing your desire through lidded eyes is a challenge; Hoseok chooses that moment to trace the slope of your neck with his lips, his head now buried in the crook of your neck, hidden from you. You tug the hairs at the nape of his neck, trying to make eye contact again but he doesn’t let you steer him away from his goal.

Hoseok presses each kiss onto your skin slowly, with purpose, as if you had all the time in the world to indulge in each other.

Why is he acting like this right now? Your teeth catch your lip in their hold out of sheer frustration. Each delicate print of his lips on your body reminds you of what you can't have, and your heart aches, heavy in your chest. The soft material of his jersey crinkles under your grip as you try to keep yourself upright and composed. You hate it, the way he his tender touch sparks something inside of you, chipping away at your resolve.

Over his shoulder, the clock on the wall catches your attention, and your spine straightens as reality sinks in.

"Hoseok," you tug insistently at the collar of his shirt in your attempt to remind him you were both short on time.

"Mmm, be patient." His teeth nip your ear lobe to accentuate his command.

"But we don't have—"

"If you want me inside your cunt, I want you nice and wet for me. Wait a little longer, okay? Be good." His sickly sweet smile is a hoax; it tells you right away that he's taking the utmost delight in making you squirm in his hold. Upon noticing the glare you sport, the corner of his lips quirk into a smug smirk, confirming your suspicions.

Patience is not your strong suit. On normal days, Hoseok is usually kind enough to cut to the chase, but for some unexplainable reason, he seems to want to draw this out.

Slow sex is welcome on lazy Sunday mornings, under the cover of thin sheets, in the privacy of your room. It's not convenient nor desired when you are running late for afternoon lectures, and even less so when the place you're trying to get it on is an empty classroom anyone is free to walk into. Of all the locations for a quick romp, it had to be the fucking art studio…

You know that if you want him to fast-forward the maddening pace he's set you need to lead the game. Hoseok knows your body inside out — but the same could be said for you; you know what makes him tick, what gets him unbearably hot under the collar, which cards to use to get his heart pounding.

Jutting your bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout, you lower your voice into a sultry purr "B-but I'm dripping already." You almost tack on the word 'Daddy' for good measure, but you aren’t in the mood to play that game today. You don’t want him to be sweet or caring; you don’t want to trust him blindly anymore. All you want is to wash him out of your system as painlessly as possible. 

If Hoseok doesn't react verbally to your confession, you don't let that deter you. The rigid muscles under your clutch tell you that you've hit your mark.

“It’s not the same without you,” you continue, lust making you shameless. “I need you.”

You’re scared to acknowledge how much truth there is to these words. Deep down, you know they’re spot on, but you refuse to acknowledge it. You don’t want to be dependent on him, not for your pleasure nor anything else.

Thankfully, Hoseok doesn’t let you linger on those thoughts for too long. He unbuttons your jeans and slides them down your legs, pulling your underwear along with the denim. Material barriers now gone, a breeze of cool air caresses your exposed skin. 

“You’re right,” he smirks, thumbing over the incriminating wet patch on your panties. You can’t bring yourself to be embarrassed about it, too impatient to get it on. One of his hands reaches past the waistband of his sweatpants and pulls out his hardened member, the thickness making your mouth go dry with desire. 

“Wrap your legs around me,” he orders as he picks you up by the meat of your thighs, the prints of his fingertips digging into your skin. You loop your arms around his neck like a lifeline; breath caught in your throat as he positions your hips over his erection. 

“Oh fuck,” you groan, feeling the head stretch out your walls as he pushes himself in inch by inch. You’re lubricated enough so that it isn’t painful, but there’s no dismissing the way his girth slowly works you open. However, the uncomfortable sensation quickly melts away and leaves room for pleasure.

The week you haven’t been with him feels like a month, and your body is eager to make up for lost time. 

“God,” he moans, brow creased, evidently as affected as you. His nostrils flare, muscles in his neck tensing, and he shudders when you clench around him without warning. Sweat drips down the side of his face, the tiny beads of perspiration making his skin glisten under the late afternoon sun. Your eyes drink this sight in, subconsciously trying to commit every minute detail of his face to memory. 

His hands keep you pinned against the wall as he works his hips against yours in careful strokes. You can feel the delicious drag of his cock inside of you as he pushes in and out, your body adjusting to the gentle rocking. He buries his head in the hollow of your neck, mouthing at the spots he knows make your knees buckle. 

"Always feels good with you." You almost miss the way he murmurs the praise against your shoulder blades. It's delivered so quietly, you can barely hear it over the hammering in your chest and the roaring in your ears, and you wonder if he means for it to reach you. The words aren’t said for an added kick or for show, you realize. 

"I want it d-deeper."  

He's already giving it to you so good; the fluidity of his movements, the way he angles his hips into yours and keeps your legs hoisted up around his middle — all of it a lethal combination intended to make you scream out his name. But desperation claws at you — you need more, need the pleasure to numb all other distracting thoughts. You want to overindulge until you’re so full from pleasure that you’ll never need to come back for seconds.

"Yeah? No one can give it to you like me. You love it when I fuck you out," he rasps, the sound rough around the edges. A whine leaves your parted lips when he lifts you back down onto unsteady feet. His hands slip down to your waist, keeping you stable as he turns you around so that your back faces him. “Turn around for me. That’s good, yeah—right against the window.”

Wobbling only slightly, you brace yourself against the windowpane, the position all too familiar. Except now, when you look down, you can see a swarm of students below, some walking to their next class, others sprawled across the freshly mowed lawn as they try to bathe in the last rays of afternoon sunshine. From the fourth floor window, you’re capable of distinguishing their faces if you squint, so you’re sure that if they happen to look up, they’ll be able to spot you, too. Even though the glass panel only exposes your face and the peak of your cleavage, you know any student who catches a glimpse at you whilst in the throes of passion won’t be duped into thinking otherwise. 

Eyes blown to comically wide proportions, your pulse kick-starts at the thought of someone observing you from below. Your breaths come out in short pants, and you can physically feel shivers run down your spine. Hoseok’s hand is steady on your waist, grounding you. 

“If you want to stop at any time, just tell me, okay?”  

“Just go,” you gasp, breath fogging up the window. 

Hoseok heeds your words of advice, not wasting any additional time as he lines up his slick shaft along your weeping entrance. When he pushes into you, your mouth parts to let out a high-pitched moan of pleasure. It’s only now that he’s stretching you out that you realize how much you’ve missed this, craved this. 

With one hand groping your left breast and the other tight on your hip, he fucks up into you, his hips slamming into yours from behind. He quickly abandons the slow, languid pace from before, his thrusts now rough, fueled by the need to reach his end. 

The lewd sounds that echo in the studio could alert anybody standing outside the door of what you’re doing. You wonder who is most likely to find out what you’re up to — a person walking by in the hallway or a student down below. With the way he’s fucking you, there’s no way of knowing.

It’s a miracle no one’s caught on yet. Not that you would have noticed them. Every piston of his hips makes your skin flush, perspiration making your shirt stick to your torso. His cock feels so good inside you — like it was meant for you — and you have a hard time controlling your facial expressions, your arousal evident with each mewl of pleasure to spill from your lips. 

“Is it wrong that I want them to see?” Hoseok breathes into the shell of your eat, the hot air making you shiver. Your mind ruses to supply the image his words conjure up and you can’t stop yourself from clenching down on his hard cock. “I want them to know that I own this pussy. They’ll take one look at us and know they’d never compare.”

His words make you tip your head back and you’re weak to resist the way his tongue finds your own, fucking your mouth to match the steady rhythm of his hips. It doesn’t take long for you to fall apart on his twitching cock, not when he knows how to please you so well. Hoseok’s pace falters as he feels your walls try to milk his cock. He ruts into you, swiveling his hips as far as he can go, his fingers bruising against your skin. He chokes your name between grunts before emptying his seed inside of you in thick spurts.

When your beating hard slows down enough for it to be bearable, your fingers twitch against their position on the wall, yearning to reach down and keep Hoseok inside of you. He pulls out almost too soon for your liking, leaving you truly empty with only traces of semen running down your inner thighs. 

It’s ironic...or maybe it’s fate, you think to yourself as you pull up your jeans, skin sticky with sweat and bodily fluids. 

You and Hoseok have finally come full circle, it seems. You started your relationship with Hoseok with sex and you ended it the same way. A relationship built on sex isn’t meant to last long. 

“I’ll see you around?” Hoseok says awkwardly. It’s strange seeing him at a loss. With you, he’s always taken the lead, so self-assured and experienced. The timid, unsure image of him in front of you makes you soften and grant him a small smile.

“Of course,” you humor, knowing the words are said for formality’s sake. Now that you aren’t dating or having sex, there’s no reason to bump into each other. Your classes aren’t on the same side of campus and you run with different circle of friends. 

Hoseok opens his mouth to say more but ends up swallowing his thoughts and keeping them to himself. You know the feeling. No matter what you try to tell yourself, you know that it won’t be that easy to move on — for you or for him. It’s only a matter of time before both of you somehow find a way back to each other. 

Unbeknownst to the both of you, the figure leaning against the oak tree readjusts his cap, dark eyes never leaving the window where your figure was pressed up just moments ago.

[rahirah]

The whole "And If the Grave Be Now Thy Bed" counts as a chapter or scene, right? "Splendid news, Mrs. Mears. Bloody Vengeance Inc. is going to take your case." Commentary, please :)))

For reference: https://archiveofourown.org/works/478957

Ok, this one is too long to do a blow-by-blow in a Tumblr post, so I'm gonna talk about it more generally.

For those of you who haven't read the series this story is a part of, it's a long-running AU which branches off of canon after "The Gift."  I started writing the first story in it immediately after "The Gift" aired, so Spuffy wasn't even a canon thing yet.  At the time, I was pretty certain that Spuffy would never be a canon thing; at most, I thought, there would be a lot of pining and UST, and maybe, in the very last season, Spike would get the crumb he was hoping for.

But I didn't care about that; something doesn't have to be canon for me to ship the hell out of it.  And I was fascinated by the concept of an evil demon trying to be good.  What would it look like, I wondered, if Spike and Buffy did get together in a working, functional relationship?  What changes and compromises would both of them have to make?  How would it meet both their needs?  What would the pain points be?  Of course, the easiest way to do it would be to slap a soul into Spike, but I felt that the show had already thoroughly explored that avenue with Angel, and I wanted to do something different.  Plus I have never been one to do things the easy way, and one of the recurring themes in my writing in general is free will and choices.  So I set myself the challenge of writing a story about how Buffy and Spike forge a relationship that works for both of them, and doesn't cheat on characterization – that is, Spike, having no human soul, is still "evil" in Buffyverse terms, and his motivations and behavior reflect that; even when he is doing good things, he is not doing them in the same way, or for the same reasons, as a human would. *

ANYWAY.  In this AU, Warren Mears and Co. still killed Katrina, but Warren went to jail for it.  However, when his inventions came to the attention of Wolfram & Hart, they got him released on a technicality, and brought him into their R&D department.  Warren took the opportunity to get his revenge on Buffy and Spike by zapping Buffy into a W&H pocket dimension, where W&H was collecting Buffys from many dimensions for nefarious purposes.  Unbeknownst to Warren, Buffy has just discovered that she's pregnant.  

This scenario generated four stories: "The Lesser of Two Evils," which details what happens when Willow and Spike confront Warren and try to force him to bring Buffy back; "In A Yellow Wood," which is about Buffy's adventures in the pocket dimension, "If the Grave Be Now Thy Bed," which deals with the fallout of the first two stories, and "To Grandmother's House," which wraps up the arc with Buffy's final decision about the fate of her baby.

I wrote these stories all out of order: "To Grandmother's House" first, "The Lesser of Two Evils" second, "In A Yellow Wood" third, and "If the Grave Be Now Thy Bed" last.  I knew the general course of the arc all along, but writing it inside out and backwards, over ten years or more, posed some interesting challenges.  "If the Grave Be Now Thy Bed" was not part of the original arc plan – in fact, it grew out of feedback I got for "The Lesser of Two Evils."

TLOTE/IAYW are deliberately morally ambiguous stories.  Spike, Willow, and Buffy all do questionable things – perhaps flat out wrong things – under severe emotional stress, and the consequences of those actions echo for a long time through the years to come.  While I hope that readers find their motives understandable, and even sympathetic, I didn't necessarily expect that every reader would agree with or approve of their actions.  Most people who've sent me feedback seem to enjoy the ambiguity, or at least find it intriguing.  Not all of them, however.  

One particular reader had...issues.  Over the course of several conversations, I found out that while they were a Spuffy shipper, they had very particular requirements for the kind of Spuffy stories they liked.  They had to be either A) totally canon-compliant, angst-ridden stories where Buffy hated herself for giving in to Spike's sinister attraction, or B) stories where Spike was a Romance Novel Bad Boy With a Heart of Gold, and there was a tacit agreement between writer and reader that hey, we both know this is totally OOC for both characters, but we're just here for the porn, amirite nudge-nudge wink-wink.

Reader In Question had started in on my work with the assumption that it fell into the latter category, but the more they read, the less comfortable they got, because, as I mentioned above, I was in this for serious.  I sweat blood over characterization.  And I was starting to convince them that maybe a relationship between Buffy and soulless Spike COULD work.  And they didn't WANT to believe that.  So they absolutely had to interpret my work as a dystopian take on Buffy's slide into total moral decay, with this particular arc as the nadir of her fall.**  They left me some despondent feedback on TLOTE, wondering what Warren's dear mother would think of this turn of events.  I'm not sure if they intended to shame me (or Buffy) for our evil ways, but I thought it was an interesting point.  And it planted the seed of an idea.

Over the next several years, as I worked on IAYW (and let me say right here, the less-than-enthusiastic feedback Reader In Question sent me on TLOTE made me work my ass off on IAYW.  Though I obviously don't agree with their overall interpretation, I thought they had some good points, and I wanted to be sure that IAYW addressed those points) I mulled over the thought: What WOULD happen if Warren's dear old mother confronted Buffy and Spike?  

A lot would depend upon what Warren's dear old mother was like.  There were two obvious ways I could go with that: she could be an innocent victim, or she could be as much of a monster as Warren was.  But I didn't want to do anything obvious with this story.   Fic-wise, I always like to take the road less traveled if I can, but in this case, I have to admit that I got a perverse pleasure out of taking Reader In Question's finger-wagging admonition and using it as inspiration for a story that's, well, not exactly what I imagine they were hoping to inspire.  I decided that I was going to make Mrs. Mears a little of both.

The next question was, what did I want to have happen when she shows up?Again, the obvious thing would be to have Buffy feel guilty.  But I had already dealt extensively with Buffy's feelings, and her reasons for making the decisions she made, in IAYW and TGH.  Yes, she feels guilty; she's not sure she did the right thing.  She's not even sure there was a right thing to do.  But that particular subplot plays out over the long term in this AU, culminating many years later in a completely different story arc, and I couldn't bring it to a premature resolution here.  Besides, I knew that Barbverse Buffy would never return to the uncompromising system of morality that Reader In Question wanted her to,*** so there was no point in writing a story where she Learns Her Lesson, Dusts Spike, and Is Very Sorry. ****

So I decided that this story would focus on Spike, and his reaction to Warren's mother and her loss of a son.  And that opened up a lot of possibilities.  I was to some extent constrained by the fact that I'd already written quite a lot of stories taking place after this one in the timeline, so there were certain things I couldn't do.  But I've always found that if you ask yourself, "What would X logically do in this situation?" and follow that through, you can avoid Idiot Plot Syndrome.   Let your characters be smart.   What would Spike do, confronted with the mother of the man he'd killed?  What would Mrs. Mears demand of him in recompense?  

What I wanted to do in this story was to answer those questions in a way that people wouldn't expect.  I was able to bring Spike's ambivalent feelings about his own mother into play, and provide a way for him to get some character development around coming to terms with her death and his part in it that I might not otherwise have been able to do.  And I was able to draw parallels between Warren and his mother, and Spike and Anne Pratt, and come up with some really intriguing takes on how and why Spike can do the right(ish) thing even when his reasons are kinda-sorta wrong(ish).  It gives some background, hopefully, on  how Buffy can make the ultimate decision she does in "To Grandmother's House," and not feel that she's tobogganing head-first down the slippery slope of Utter Moral Decay.  And I got to write Zombie Warren, who was gruesomely, deliciously horrible.  And I got to give Mrs. Mears the last word.

By the time I finished the story, Reader In Question had long since left fandom, and they probably wouldn't have read it even if they were still around.  But I feel I have to thank them for it anyway.  And that's why I always say that even though I don't necessarily like getting critical feedback, it can be the most useful feedback you can get if you look at it in the right way.

__________

* I could write a whole nother essay about the challenges of writing an evil-trying-to-be-good vampire, but that is beyond the scope of the current post.

** Eventually, they practically begged me to tell them that I was deliberately writing Buffy and Spike out of character, and that I didn't really think a relationship between them could work.  Alas, I could not oblige them, and they stopped reading my stuff.

*** I don't even believe canon Buffy stuck to that kind of rigid moral code – she tried to, but one of the things that makes her a complex, fully realized character is that canon Buffy is perfectly capable of double standards and hypocrisy where her friends are concerned, not to mention just plain changing her mind about things over the course of the show.  For every decision I have Barbverse Buffy [or Spike, for that matter] make, I can point to something in canon and say "This is why I think she could do that."

****Although... I do have an alternate ending to "To Grandmother's House" plotted out in my head, where Buffy [either accidentally or on purpose – just as in the main story, it's ambiguous] doesn't stop Giles in time.  I consider the Barbverse to be a low-probability AU, and I watch out for times and ways in which things could go spectacularly wrong, just so I can be sure to avoid them in a believable manner.  Or write stories about them going wrong, and the characters dealing with them.

*****