#xoxo: from love & anxiety in real time

[tendernxss]

pretender // the maine

[lyricallymnded]

face towards the sun // the maine

[bigassbowlingballhead]

When an album perfectly transitions from one song to the next to the point where you’re not sure where one ends and the next begins, that’s beautiful.

[solreefs]

my toxic trait is experiencing any kind of mental or physical health issues and going “oh well it’s nothing some good music can’t fix”

[fletcherwilbury]

@febuwhump Day 25: Alt Prompt 10: Last Man Standing

Warning for Canon-typical violence, weapons, physical violence, injury, illness, broken bones, pneumonia

[gracieheartspedro]

Your Needs, My Needs

I : Strawberry Wine

a masterlist of how you can help gaza

the prelude to this series

pairing: cowboy!joel x f!reader (no outbreak)

description: joel fixes your toilet but you can't help but yearn for more time with him. so you invite him to dinner and try to win his stomach? aka love?

word count: 3.2k words

warnings: there is no smut in this part. still MINORS DNI! no use of y/n! vague talk of reader's old life before texas, no real description of the reader, reader does have anxiety/mental illness that is not fully recognized/diagnosed, mentions of eating food, reader lives alone, reader got MONEYYYY, mentions of joel's ex wife (gasp), alcohol consumption, smoking cigarettes, kissing, flirting. all the fluffy stuff <3

author's note: hey...hey.... how y'all doing?? i'm so so so sorry this has taken so long. my life has been crazy for the last like 4 months and I'm finally getting settled into my life again. I miss y'all and I miss writing, so HERE I AM! I'm hoping everyone who wanted me to tag them months ago is still cool with me tagging them 4 months later lol. okay, lemme know what you think xoxo

Joel comes and goes for days. The first day he returns, he inspects your toilet again and tells you he has the wrong tools. You discuss a game plan and by his initial projections, your toilet should be fixed the next day. But when he fails to come by in the morning, you decide to call the phone number on the post-it note he left for you the day before. 

The phone rings and you get an answering machine of a younger girl telling you to leave her and Dad a message after the beep. When the line lets out a long ding, you breathe out the random croak in your throat. 

“Uh, hey, Joel, it’s me. Just seeing if you’re stopping by today. If not, that’s fine, I’ll be home all day today and tomorrow. Okay, uh, bye.”

Hours go by and you find yourself pacing, regretting your decision to leave him a message. What if he gets it and thinks that you’re crazy? 

Ever since you had made his acquaintance, you felt completely reliant on interacting with him. It may be due to the fact that you haven’t socialized with anyone else in months. You were very good at isolating yourself, but lately, it’s been eating you alive being so alone. Now that you had this big house, the silence felt almost too quiet. Joel’s southern drawl and straightforward responses gave a bit of light back to your life. 

Around dinner time, your landline rings. You practically fall over your couch racing to pick it up, hoping it was him. 

“Howdy neighbor,” He grunts through the phone, “Sorry I didn’t come by today, hope ya didn’t miss me too much.”

You let out a dry laugh, trying not to sound too giddy about him following up with you. You were borderline pathetic. 

“No, I just wanted to make sure you were still alive,” You manage to get out, “You are still alive right?”

“Still kickin’, just busy as all get out. ‘M fixin’ to head to your place now if you’re not busy.”

You look down at your pajamas and start to nod. It’s not like he can see you through the phone, but you are reacting to his words like he’s right in front of you. 

“Sure thing, I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

-

“So… It’s really just you here? All by your lonesome?”

He’s messing with his toolbox, searching for the one tool he needs to fix the toilet. You stir your fresh brewed tea, ensuring none of the sugar clumps up at the bottom of the mug. You had offered him some, but he politely declined, telling you that he had a big dinner.

You take a sip, testing the sweetness. “Just me. How about you? Just you and your daughter, right?”

He laughs heartedly, turning towards you from where he’s squatted. You look at him with curious eyes, unsure if you asked the wrong question. He stands up, a wrench in his hand, a smile still spread across his face. 

“Her mama left town with her new boyfriend about 5 years ago. Wanted the city life, not the life I gave her. It’s been just me and her ever since.”

So he’s single. You think to yourself. 

You realize the laugh was probably because of how absurd and new it must be for someone to ask him about his life. He grew up here and you are positive everyone here already knew all about his business. You are a breath of fresh air for him. 

Before the silence becomes awkward, you speak up. “City life ain’t worth a shit.”

“Yeah, she’s different. Won’t speak ill of her ‘cause that’s my bosses’ mama. She sees her now and again. They are just very different.” 

The conversation comes easy with Joel. While the first couple of interactions you two shared were a bit strained, after days of small talk, you realize he’s the truest Southern gentleman you’ve ever interacted with. Polite with a little bite. He never speaks ill of others, except his brother. He loves to pick on Tommy. He seems like an attentive father. He loves to pick at you, always pointing out your Northern tendencies. Your horrible driving. Your accent and your speech patterns. But he’s also very complimentary. A couple of days ago, he remarked how nice your perfume was when you were standing close to him. It made your heart skip a beat. 

And on top of all of those things, he’s very easy on the eyes. 

“That’s mighty fine of you not speaking ill of your ex,” You try to drag out the silly Southern saying, which causes him to chuckle again. You smack your lips before continuing, “Wish I could do the same.”

You are not sure what he’s doing to the tank of your toilet, but you watch him strain to get a piece out of the corner with the wrench he has. He clenches his teeth, turning the piece to the left to loosen it. 

“Exes are exes for a reason,” He grunts, fiddling with some more things in the tank, “I ain’t too hung up on datin’ right now. I got my girl and my horses.”

“And now you got me, your annoying neighbor who almost crashes into your horses and asks you to fix toilets.”

He breathes out loudly, “Yeah, ‘nother pain in my ass. Just what a man needs.”

-

The toilet is fixed too quickly. You had busied yourself with other small cleaning tasks that when Joel finds you in the kitchen doing dishes, he startles you. It took him about 15 minutes to finish the job and you had thought you could at least finish up the dishes you made from dinner. 

“‘M all finished up. Gotta get back home to do some rounds at the stables,” He says as he waltzes over to your paper towel holder. He grabs a sheet and begins to wipe his damp hands, “Anythin’ else for me today?”

You turn off the running water, going down a list of fixes you could ask him to do. You decide it’s probably best to just ask him to swing by another day to help you with other things. 

“No, thank you though, Joel. I am sure I’ll be by to ask for more help,” You chuckle, shaking your hands dry, “I owe you dinner or something.”

As you say it, it feels like all the air leaves your lungs. He’s staring at you and there’s a glint in his eyes. You are not that good at reading people, mostly because you are deathly afraid of being wrong. His eyebrows raise as he leans against the counter near you. He’s so close and in your space, but you try to push the thought of him coming onto you out of your mind. 

“What’do you got on the menu tomorrow?”

His voice is kind of husky which makes your brain draw a blank. You wipe your hands on your pants before crossing the kitchen to check your fridge. You glance through your ingredients, settling for the only dinner item you can conjure up that his southern palette may like. 

“Baked chicken and vegetables?”

He nods, tossing his paper towel into the bin beside you. “Yeah, I've been needing a home-cooked meal. Think I could come over at like 5? Tomorrow?”

You recollect a time when a guy showed interest in wanting to hang out with you outside of work. It had been years and he was not nearly as attractive as the man in front of you. 

You nod slowly, trying not to look too robotic due to your nerves. “Sure thing, cowboy.”

-

You did not know what to wear. You contemplated going into town to see what the local boutiques had but you ran the risk of Joel seeing you out. You didn’t even know if this was a date. 

You settle on a sundress you have owned since high school. It’s the perfect length and while your mind goes to wanting to impress Joel, you also need to be comfortable. 

You cleaned your house, adding some new decorations to your living room walls. You even clean your sheets and make sure your bedroom is vacuumed. 

When the time comes for Joel to arrive, you pace the kitchen anticipating the doorbell. You already had all the food prepped and ready to put in the oven. The vegetables have been cut and seasoned. Everything was just the way you needed it to be. 

Joel gets there 5 after your scheduled time. When you welcome him at the door, his hair is styled and you can tell he put on his “fancy jeans”. 

What you didn’t expect was the bouquet of flowers he had in his hands. 

“Afternoon, neighbor,” He begins before extending the floral arrangement towards you, “My girl said I had to bring you something nice. Somethin’ bout being a gentleman.”

You smile widely, giving flowers all your attention. Even with the fragrant bouquet, you get a whiff of his sandalwood cologne. 

“Nice to see you cleaned up for me, cowboy. Come on in, dinner is about to get put in the oven.”

-

You catch him scanning you up and down when you place the spread of chicken and vegetables on the table. He was in the midst of talking about his daughter and her band fundraiser, but he completely halted when you took notice of his staring. 

You settle into the dining room chair across from him, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn’t. 

“She needs more sponsors?” You break the silence, wanting to move away from the sudden awkwardness. 

He swallows, reaching for the serving fork, “Oh, yeah. She needs to reach a certain goal to go on her senior band trip.”

You try to avoid his wandering gaze again, focusing on organizing your plate of vegetables. “Where are they going?”

“Disney. She ain’t never been out of Texas, so she really wants to go.”

You remember all the trips your family said they’d go on to Disney, but they never did. Your father could not stand being around his own children, let alone other people’s children. You think about how he used to complain about your constant questions, all the times he completely ignored you for your brother. You start to spiral, the anxiety creeping up in the back of your throat. You push your chair out from under the table, excusing yourself for a moment. You go to the bar you have set up in the living room and grab the only sweet wine you have. Strawberry. You grab two glasses from the top of the setup and walk back to Joel. 

“Forgot wine,” you mumble, setting a glass in front of him, “You want some?”

He is already picking at his chicken, “Yeah, I’ll take some.”

You are quiet as you uncork it expertly, pouring it into each of the glasses. Joel watches you like a hawk. You can tell he’s trying to read your expression, so you try your best to remain neutral even though your hands are shaking. 

You place the bottle in the middle of the table, making sure it’s easily reachable. 

You finally sit back down, sipping the red liquid. The strawberry flavor isn’t very strong, it’s more like a hint of the berry. You had gotten the bottle from a roadside stand in Kentucky. An older lady who must have owned a vineyard nearby was selling them for $5 each. You told yourself you would only use it for a special occasion. This event seemed fitting. 

Wine always makes you flushed, but you are always a bit flushed around Joel. Even more so when he’s watching you so intently. 

After a couple of sips, you finally rest your shoulders and begin to eat your dinner. 

“I could sponsor her,” you finally say, returning to the previous conversation. For some reason, you felt obligated. Joel quickly retaliates, shaking his head as he chewed on your roasted veggies. 

“You ain’t gotta do that, doll.” 

The nickname rings in your ears. You take another sip of wine. You can tell Joel notices your reaction because he smirks with his mouth full. 

“But I want to, Joel. I’m sure she has worked hard her high school career, she deserves to have fun.”

He hums, but still shakes his head negatively, “I can’t let you just pay for-”

“You can and you will,” You enjoy another bite, smirking at your defiance towards him. He looks perplexed. “So when is this fundraiser? Is there like a dinner or something?”

He finally caves, “This Friday at the school. It’s a dinner and auction. I guess if the kids don’t find their sponsors, some local businesses are willing to sponsor them.”

“Are you going?”

“Yeah,” He cuts up his chicken, “I guess you’re gonna come along, too, if you’re givin’ my girl all that money.”

“Does a check work?”

He sits back in his chair, already finishing off his wine, “You seriously don’t have to-”

“What are neighbors for, Joel?”

He nods, “You mean friends.”

You furrow your brows, trying to let your hazy mind find a time when you called him your friend. This was a new development.

“Friends, huh?”

He pours more in his glass, “Well, I’d like to think so.”

The wine is hitting your system and you realize your arms feel lighter. You grab the stem of your glass and tip it up to down the rest of the alcohol. Joel’s eyes are trained on you, waiting for a snarky response. 

“Do friends stare at other friends like that?” You pour more wine for yourself. You realize he’s done eating so before he can respond to your flirtation, you speak up again, “You done with that?”

He looks down at his empty plate, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Yes friends look at other friends like that, or you’re done eating.”

He grins, “‘m done eating, doll.”

-

You two find your way out to the rocking chairs. They were left there by the previous owners and you could tell they were probably as old as you. 

You had another full glass of wine, sipping it as Joel lit up a cigarette. He admitted it was only a bad habit when he was drinking, which was rare. “Sarah gets onto me when I have even one beer. So this has gotta be between us two.”

You swirl the crystal, watching him carefully take a drag of the stick. “Your secret is safe with me, cowboy.”

He giggles as he lets out a huff of smoke. “I haven’t had secrets in a long time. Guess I’m lucky it’s with the town stranger.”

The statement hits you in the very pit of your settling tummy. You furrow your eyebrows, leaning forward towards him. Your chairs are not that far away from one another, so this is probably the closest you have ever been to him except for that one moment in the kitchen. 

“Luckiest man in Texas that’s for sure,” You muster, averting your eyes. You could not stare into his beautiful brown eyes for too long. “Having the privilege of getting me out of my head. No man has done that in years.”

“What? You not good at letting loose?”

You shake your head, knowing that he did not understand what you meant. You take a moment to inhale, finally glancing up at him again. “I think I may just be cursed.”

“Now, why do you say that?”

You contemplate spilling the beans. Letting your heart fall onto your sleeve after years of shielding it from anyone who looks your way. Your lips part, but no words come out. It’s just the sounds of the cicadas. 

“As soon as something is good, it gets bad somehow. I don’t even get a moment to savor it.”

You feel the statement down to your bones. The last time you felt settled in your own life, the rug got pulled out from under you. You cannot remember a time when you truly felt present in a special moment. You always felt like you were floating outside of your body, watching things happen and never really truly feeling anything. 

You don’t expect him to lean closer to you, “Whatever happened before you got here, you ain’t gotta worry about it anymore. You obviously put distance between you and what happened for a reason. Let this little side of the world be your home now.”

You push your spiraling thoughts away, letting him be right. 

“I’m workin’ on getting settled. It’s easy when you have a handsome cowboy to help along the way.”

It comes out like word vomit. Between the wine and the nerves coursing through your entire being, you can’t help but admit your little crush on the man. You slap your free hand over your forehead, admitting defeat before he can even respond. You knew he would take the comment and run with it.

“You always flirt with your friends, sweetheart?” He was toying with you, which was a good sign. If he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t call you such a thing. 

You smile, releasing your face from your hand. His eyes are tracing every curve of your face, a subtle pass that you did not capture quickly enough. 

“Only ones that fix my toilets.”

And then, he kisses you. It happens so quickly, that you don’t fully grasp that it’s happening until you're molding your lips into his. Once your buzzed brain picks up the fact that the man you have been crushing on is kissing you, he pulls away. Your eyes are still closed, your hands still gripping onto your wine glass. 

He huffs loudly and stands up quickly. Once you place your eyes on him, he’s pacing around the back deck stairs, not too far from where you’re sitting. You instantly bite back the urge to ask him what’s wrong, because there’s always something wrong. 

“‘M sorry, sweetheart. I should’na done that.”

He instantly regretted it. The thought made your throat tighten. He continues to walk back and forth, causing a draft. 

“It’s fine, Joel. I’m n-not mad.”

He shakes his head, halting his robot-like movements. He finally looks at your pitiful expression and lets out a long sigh. “I don’t think I’m much of a gentleman, kissing you on the first date.”

You watch as he places his hands on his hips, contemplating his whole life right before your eyes. You realize he is too traditional to see that nowadays, people are sleeping together on the first date. First base is nothing. You rest your glass on a decrepit table next to you and stand up. 

You slowly approach him, trying to catch a glance from him, but he continues to avert his eyes. You grow bold enough to tilt his chin towards you, letting your guard down for a moment. 

“You’re such a gentleman, it hurts,” you whisper, slowly letting a smirk grow across your face. The comment makes his shoulders lower, finally relaxing from such a heated moment. 

“Just don’t wanna mess this up with ya,” He murmurs, only letting you and the nearby fireflies hear you, “I enjoy spending time with you.”

You slowly lower your hand to your side, trying to act casually about the confession. But the truth is you want to run and wake up every cow and horse within a 10-mile radius with a squeal of delight. 

“I like spending time with you, too, Joel.”

He takes your hand as you say it, bringing your knuckles up to his lips. His breath is hot on the back of your hand before he says, “Well now, I quite like the sound of that."

taglist (some of y'all can't be tagged, I tried lol)

@midnightdragonzero @casssiopeia @anoverwhelmingdin @notsosecretspy @raindrcpsangel @art-estrange @misstokyo7love @lizzie-cakes @d1lf-loverrr @ashleyfilm 

@blckbrrybasket @cande-beggins @gloryekaterina @lilyevanstan1325 @frogtape @jamesdeerest @mellymbee @arrowsandanchor @polishedtaylor @harrieandharassed @ranahx @youwouldntdownloadapizza @jmillersgirl @wintersquirrel @stefanibear003 @joliettes @startsm00n @abbsfrommars @76bookworm76 @youotterbekiddingme @jodiswiftle

[girlbossagenda]

How to turn negative self talk into strenght

˚₊‧꒰��� ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Negative self talk it's one of the thickest walls that prevents you to archive self love and confidence, I occasionally suffer from it, but with time I started understanding how it works and how to reverse it, with time and practive you can be able to block it whenever it presents

୨୧understand where it comes from୨୧

Most of the times negative self talk it's an interiorized voice from past criticism from childhood that comeback after a triggering situation, such as not properly doing your job, understanting why it's coming up in that moment and envirioment can help you invalidate the negative self talk and distinguish it from constructive criticism.

୨୧"Will these feelings help me reach my goals?"୨୧

This is a good question, negative self talk can often stunt your growth and worsen you situation , when you are in this position you need to remmeber that thinking negatively of youself it's not going to erase all the mistakes made prior, and that you eventually need to come up with a solution.

୨୧remember you deserve to make mistakes୨୧

It's part of experiencing and growing, shit talking yourself, won't make any sense, cause you wuold probably forgive somebody else real fast it they did the same mistake as you, what makes you think you don't deserve that same treatment?

୨୧Find a way to calm yourself୨୧

Most of the times negative self talk comes from anxiety, to shut it down you can try breathing exercise, physical exercise, a mask, a flower bath, any type of self love activity and then ask yourself "if I was so horrible would I have done this to me?", yes, you do deserve it because those negative voices in tour head are just lying.

Another day, another guide for your gorgeous goddesses♡, I hope I helped y'all, let's help each other heal! If you are interest in this type of content keep up with my blog, I'll post a lot of similar content! Xoxo gorgeous

-𝓐

[danosrosegarden]

edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer e

on occasion - edward nashton x gn!reader headcanons

elijah's anniversary celebration: post one!

✨ shimmer prompt: give me a character, and i will write a piece on how they would handle having a crush. ✨

{contains: edward being flustered and obsessive, general fluffy butterfly feelings!}

note: i am so sorry it took me so long to get to these. you can expect quite a few pieces to be published in the coming days! thank you for reading and supporting my work. xoxo, eli <3

♡ It would all be far simpler if Edward had the ability to admire in moderation. If only he could offer you the smallest speck of his heart, the littlest share of his love. That was just his problem. Edward Nashton did not love, but when he did, moderation was not possible. He loved all-encompassingly, with wide, sparkling eyes full of hope and a wildly skipping heart doused in desperate desire. There was nothing he could do to shake you from his thoughts. He simply wasn't able to rip you away from his brain.

♡ You didn't even do anything special; you just lived your life. But that was enough. Your pure, unfiltered existence was enough to have him entranced. Ever since you moved into his complex, he spent his days going crazy, waiting by his cellphone for a text or call. Hey, Ed, I'm off work! Wanna hang out? Hey, Edward, I'm going to the store! Want me to pick a treat up for you at the bakery section? God, you were so thoughtful. So caring. So funny and witty and so irresistibly you. Everything about you had him begging for scraps. Any piece of your backstory or future goals only fueled the crackling fire burning in his soul.

♡ Edward recognizes that the enormity of his longing could be perceived as overbearing or creepy. That's the last thing he would want, to scare you away. He can barely survive each day in his skin as is; he couldn't live with himself if he made you uncomfortable. So he does what he can to hold back. He declines your invitations to hang out sometimes so as to not seem clingy. He leaves you on delivered for a little while, even though he's practically glued to his phone, the intense, monstrous ghoul of FOMO looming over his shoulder.

♡ Even still, his crush is pretty pathetically obvious. He laughs hard and loud each time you tell a stupid joke. He blushes deeply when you compliment him, and his anxious finger-fiddling and lip biting isn't lost on you.

♡ Crystal clear, grade A anxiety. That's how he deals with a crush. He feels a rush of wildflowers bloom colorfully and brightly in his heart each time your name appears on his phone or he sees you in the complex's hallway. His stomach churns and his palms get clammy and goodness, he feels like an awkwardly love-drunk adolescent when he sees you: your glittering, smiling eyes, the way you walk and talk and smile at him...it all swirls around through his body like a whipping windstorm.

♡ He doesn't have the option of not overthinking every interaction, either. Did I say the right thing? Did I act the right way? Was I...cool? Jesus, he really did sound like a teenager, not a grown, mature man in his thirties with a real adult job and real adult responsibilities.

♡ The occasional high of courage shoots through him. He'll occasionally initiate a hang out session. He'll occasionally drop off a gift, maybe a baked pastry or a little trinket he found at the thrift that made him think of you. He'll occasionally write letters and practice speeches confessing his feelings towards you, and he'll occasionally rip the papers up and cringe into his pillow at the quivering in his voice.

♡ Maybe Edward doesn't know what to do with these monstrous feelings of adoration now, but it'll come to the tipping point where he can't bear the feeling of those blooming flowers in his heart anymore. They will outgrow their cage eventually, and he can only pray that you'll accept them and tend to them with him.

[rhoorl]

Delta Landscaping | Chapter 16: The Countdown

Series Masterlist | Chapter 16 A03 Link

Word Count: 8.8k

Previously on As the Mule Falls: Benny and Vanessa went on a date. We learned a bit about a woman from Santiago’s past. Frankie got things prepared for a little weekend trip up to Atlanta to celebrate a big milestone.

In this Episode: Another Benny-heavy episode as the guys get him ready for fight night. Similar to the last episode, we’ll jump through time and will end the Saturday before Benny’s fight. We also have another neighborhood party!

Chapter Warnings: This one is pretty fluffy, just some swearing. Special thot warning - Cousin Joel, Marcus being a sweet brother-in-law, the boys spending time at the gym. Frankie in his menace era. Benny is a flustered, adorable mess. David comes with his own warnings. 

*Cue the theme music and roll opening credits*

11 Days to Fight Night 

David: Ok since when has Will had a motorcycle?! Katie you have to keep us updated on stuff like this.

Megan: If we had a neighborhood newsletter it'd be the lead story this week 😂

Ty: Don’t give him any ideas…

Katie: Sorry…he just got it

Olivia: Have you taken a ride yet?

Melissa: 💀

Olivia: On the motorcycle

Oliva: Shit! 🫣

Ty: I thought for a second D took your phone 

Megan: 😆 aw Liv, we love you never change.

Oliva: Quick someone please change the subject. I am so sorry Katie!

Katie: 😘

David: Anyone up for another party? We haven’t welcomed the new neighbors yet.

Megan: Lulu and I were actually talking about that!

Lucille: Yes! I am happy to host! Maybe this weekend? 

David: Theme?

Megan: Do we need one? 

David: ….

Megan: The theme is Lucille is going to cook us a bunch of food and play great music. And dancing!

Ty: Ay dios mio. He’s already getting a mood board together.

Lucille: Megan - can you talk with Victoria? See what night works for them. 

Megan: Great idea! Katie you’re in charge of the boys!

David: I’m not jealous at all 🙄

Frankie propped his elbow up on the armrest and looked out the window as the plane made its descent. The early morning flight meant there were actually a few open seats, including the one next to him in the exit row, for which he was grateful.

His weekend trip reinvigorated him. It went as perfectly as he could have imagined it, save for the constant rain but even that wasn't a problem since it meant they got to stay in. All the anxiety he felt leading up to the trip about revealing parts of his past to Jo evaporated the second she took his hand, rubbing her thumbs across his knuckles. She appreciated Frankie's openness and willingness to share some of the deepest, darkest parts of his past. But what meant the most was when she said how proud she was of him for reaching his milestone. 

The distance was not ideal. All they wanted to do was spend every day, every moment with each other. He wanted to wake up to legs tangled and sheets rumpled. She wanted to surprise him at his job one day with lunch. They wanted to cook dinner together at night and settle in and watch a movie or play a game.

But for now, their physical time together would be relegated to a more sporadic schedule. She was gearing up for a busy time at work, but they made plans for the following weekend for Benny's fight. Frankie was already counting down the days when he could see her and introduce her to everyone. That thought brought a smile across his face; the pride he'd feel about showing off his girl.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even realize they were landing until the wheels hit the tarmac. He quickly pulled out his phone, knowing exactly who his first text would be to. 

Frankie: Just landed. Miss you.

Jo: Good! I miss you too. Got to the office a little bit ago.

Frankie: You weren't late right?

Jo: Nope, all good! Gotta go to this meeting but tell Benny I said hi!

Frankie: Have a good day mi cielo. Talk later

Jo: xoxo

10 Days to Fight Night

“Fish, can you help me with something real quick?” Benny panted as he racked up the bar onto the squat rack.

“With what?”

“Can you…uh…take a picture?” He turned around, offering Frankie his phone.

Frankie furrowed his eyebrows. “A picture? Of what?” 

Benny’s eyes looked left and right. “Um…me?” 

“Can’t you just do like a selfie or somethin’?” Frankie leaned against the weights.  

“No…it’s more of an…action shot. C’mon Fish, it’ll take two seconds.” Benny walked over to an open space, peeling off his shirt so he was left in just his black basketball shorts. He flipped his baseball cap around and got into a plank. “Just take a couple of me doing pushups.”

“Por amor a díos, Benjamin. What the hell?” Frankie shook his head laughing.

“C’mon, Fish,” he grunted through another rep, the pendant of his chain hitting the floor each time. 

Frankie tried his best, even bending down on one knee to get a better angle. “Ok…see what you think.” 

Benny chewed on the inside of his cheek as he scrolled through the mostly blurry photos. He was about ready to prop up the phone against a dumbbell and try it again but managed to find a clear one that showed off the definition in his shoulders. “Good, thanks, man.”

“Hey…um…think you could… never mind, it’s dumb.” Frankie rubbed the back of his neck, walking back towards his water bottle. “Who’re you taking that for anyway?”

“It’s for uh…my Instagram…damn that sounds really fuckin stupid to say out loud. I'm a grown-ass man,” Benny chuckled. 

“Hoping that someone in particular sees it?” Frankie raised an eyebrow, lightly punching Benny in the arm.

“Yeah…kinda,” Benny blushed, eager to change the subject. “What? Like you don't send any pictures to your lady.”

“Uh…that’s actually what I,” Frankie sighed, shaking his head as Benny’s face lit up with the realization of what Frankie was trying to ask about earlier.

“Oh hell yeah, Fish! Tryna show off all that hard work aren't ya,” he winked, slapping Frankie in the stomach. 

Despite the focus on Benny and getting him in ring shape, Frankie reaped some benefits from their daily gym trips too. Recently he noticed his shirts fit a bit tighter across his chest and arms, a fact Jo was all too pleased about during his little weekend getaway. 

They'd exchanged photos over the past couple of weeks, but they had been pretty tame. Mostly silly selfies as they went about their day. This morning, however, Frankie did manage to send one of himself shirtless, brushing his teeth which seemed to get quite the reaction. He was having fun and feeling playful.

“Can you help me?” He looked over at Benny who sported a lopsided grin.

“Hell yeah!” He led Frankie back to the locker room. They stood in front of the mirror as Benny gave him tips on how to pose and hold the camera, taking a couple of his own to show as an example.  

“I dunno man, this feels kinda dumb,” Frankie winced, looking at himself in the mirror. 

“Stop it…she’s gonna love it. You’re lookin’ good these days, Fish, show it off!” Benny shook him by the shoulders, making Frankie’s shy smile grow more confident. “I’m tellin’ ya, send her one of those and you’re in for a good night later,” he winked.

Nine Days to Fight Night 

Will and Santiago finished the work on Melissa's backyard earlier than expected thanks to some extra help from Connor. It was perfect timing, with a little over a week before Benny’s fight. All the guys rallied around Benny, helping him prepare however they could.

Today started with an early morning jog around the neighborhood. Benny, Will, and Connor ran together, the younger boy pushing the older two to keep a faster pace. Frankie followed on a bike, barking out encouragement. Meanwhile, Santiago sat on the Millers’ front porch drinking a coffee and reading the paper, giving the guys a little wave each time they came around the block.

“Nice, that was your fastest yet,” Frankie stopped the bike and clicked off the stopwatch.

Benny stood bent over trying to catch his breath while Will took off his shirt to wipe the sweat off his brow, tucking it into the waistband of his red gym shorts. Santiago strolled down the driveway with some water bottles as David drove by, giving a polite wave. 

“It was all this guy,” Benny panted, patting Connor on the chest. “Your coach is gonna make you run the drills this season man,” he chuckled.

“Happy to help. You feeling good?” Connor asked as he took the cold bottle from Santiago. 

“Yeah. Cardio wise I feel great.”

“You testing out that cardio in your free time?” Santiago smirked as Frankie smacked him on the back of the head, cutting his eyes over to Connor.

“He hasn't even kissed her yet,” Will added before dodging out of the way and hiding behind Frankie to avoid a slap from Benny. The guys broke out in a fit of laughter as Benny blushed. 

“She’s excited about the fight,” Connor said as he took a long drink of water, eliciting confused looks from the guys. “What? She cut my hair earlier this week so it came up. Thanks for noticing by the way,” he teased as he removed his baseball cap and ruffled the top of his hair.

Santiago assessed Connor’s haircut with a sharp nod, approving Vanessa’s handiwork. “Looks good, kid. Maybe I’ll go and see what those hands can do.” He winked at Benny, getting a sense of glee at seeing his fist ball up and his nostrils flare.

Oblivious, Connor continued, “She gave an awesome scalp massage, she has long nails so it helps to…” He stopped when he saw all the guys looking at him with blank stares. Benny’s mouth twisted while the others tried to hold in their laughter. Finally, Will’s snort made them all bust out laughing. 

“Better be careful there C,” Will smirked. 

“Oh…ah…sorry Benny, I swear I didn’t mean it like that,” he winced, fearing he’d offended Benny.

Benny clenched his jaw, before taking a deep breath. “All good lil dude,” he patted Connor on the back. “I’m used to these guys being assholes…so…what did you guys talk about?” He raised his eyebrows.

More relaxed now knowing Benny wasn’t mad, Connor told them about how she seemed excited to watch Benny but a bit nervous too. “She mentioned something about how Victoria is going to be there to help too?”

Benny shifted from one foot to another, feeling butterflies in his stomach at the thought of her excited to see him in action. “She…uh…yeah, Vic’s gonna help tape me up before the fight, you’re off the hook, Fish.”

“Ha, I see what you did there!” Connor laughed as they all groaned.

“You've been over there every night this week,” Will observed, taking a long drink of water. 

“Vic has been doing some treatments…to help me with recovery. Now that I’m getting older, I'm feeling it a lot more than I used to…now I know how you all must feel,” Benny smirked.

“Vanessa hasn't been helping you with some extra um…treatmen-” Santiago could barely get it out before bursting into another fit of laughter.

“Hey, you boys are having too much fun,” Lucille joked as she wheeled her trash bin to the curb. 

“Lulu, qué estás haciendo? Trash comes tomorrow not today,” Frankie knitted his brows taking the bin from her and walking it back up her driveway. 

“I thought so, but David told us it was a special day and to take it out to the curb right away and…well never mind,” she shook her head. “You boys are coming over on Saturday, right?”

“Wouldn't miss it for the world, Lulu,” Will regarded her with a soft smile. 

“Are you cooking Lulu?” Benny's hopeful look made her laugh.

“Sí mi amor, I am starting today. And I'm making some extra empanadas just for you…although I hear I have some competition,” she winked.

“What? Someone else is making empanadas?” Benny scoffed. “Doesn't matter, I know where the best ones are made darlin’.”

“Ah well, vamos a ver, I think you may like these more…you boys going to the gym?”

“Yeah, one last hard workout today and tomorrow, and then it's all maintenance, right Benjamin?” Frankie clapped a hand on Benny's shoulder.

“You're coming next week to watch right, Lulu?” Benny's puppy dog eyes made the biggest smile come across Lucille's face. 

“Por supresto mi vida, I’m looking forward to it.”

Eight Days to Fight Night 

Today’s gym session was especially fun because everyone got into it. Connor and Benny started off alternating between jumping rope and running sprints on the treadmill. Of course, they had to make it competitive and see who could jump rope the longest without messing up or who could run for the fastest speed on the treadmill. 

Santiago and Frankie spent time lifting, getting a chance to catch up on each other's week. Will went off to a corner to do an ab circuit. When Benny finished his cardio, he and Will faced each other on the ground to do one of their patented Miller Push-Up Contests. They'd started doing this as kids and it became something Benny would do to lift everyone's spirits during missions. 

Each time they came up for a pushup, they extended one arm out to slap hands before going down for another push-up. Will rolled his eyes because Benny wanted to push the pace rather than go at the slow and methodical one Will set. Like always, they ended up play fighting, with Benny putting Will in some kind of WWE-style hold.

“Ok, ok you two break it up,” Frankie chuckled. “C'mon Ben, let's get some sparring in so we can all go eat.”

Seven Days to Fight Night

"Bean what the fuck is a 'thirst trap' and why did Sarah say she saw it on your Instagram? Jesus I don't even know what half of that shit even means," Joel muttered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sat in his truck outside of Steph's house. 

“Oh…ah…I dunno man, you know the kids and how they talk, can't keep up,” Benny tried to laugh it off but Joel pressed on until he finally revealed what that phrase meant.

“What kind of picture you posting Ben? My daughter, your niece, is on that app!”

“No, no, it's just a selfie in the mirror at the gym. I had my shirt off, it's what she'd see at the beach, man, nothing worse than that.”

“Hmm…” Joel rolled his eyes, “It's not you I'm worried about…why'd you post that anyway? Not enough havin’ all those stay-at-home moms at the gym goin' crazy for you.”

Benny could practically see the smirk on Joel's face. He knew he could try and bullshit his way around this, but Joel would get the truth out one way or another. “I…shit this sounds so fucking silly, I'm almost 40 for fuck’s sake, but…I was kinda doing it hoping someone would see it.”

“Someone in general or some specific? Is it for Nox?”

“Who the fuck is Nox?”

“Your girl…you said she drove an Equinox, so I’ve been calling her that in my head,” Joel chuckled.

“Nox…” Benny tilted his head. “You never gave Amy a nickname...”

“You didn't answer the question, Bean.” Joel countered.

Benny leaned back in his dining room chair, pausing from the drawing he was absentmindedly shading as he talked with Joel. “Yeah,” he said softly.

“Ha, I knew it. Trying to remind her what she's missing when you're not around?”

“Ahh…well…”

“Y'all’ve done stuff right? Will said you've been at her place like every night this week.”

“No man…I…we almost kissed last weekend but her sister and brother-in-law got home from their date night,” Benny scratched his scalp as he continued, “I dunno…I haven't felt nervous like this around a girl like…ever.”

“Well, she sounds special Bean…I'm looking forward to meeting her.”

Benny sat up straighter in his chair, “when's that gonna be?” He eagerly anticipated Joel's response.

“Well, that's kinda why I called. Dropped Sarah off at Steph's for her two weeks and we got to talkin’…the county is draggin’ its feet on these permits and some of the materials we need for this job are back ordered so I'll have some downtime while Sarah is with Steph…looks like it's going to line up with your fight.”

“Holy shit! You're coming? Fuck yeah!” Benny pumped his fist in the air.

Joel chuckled, “knew that would get you excited. You actually have Steph to thank for this one, she made the decision for me…says I need to take a vacation.”

“I can't remember the last one you went on.” 

Joel shook his head, “Hey Tommy, Sarah, and I went tubing last summer…or was that two summers ago…”

“My point exactly J, plus that wasn't a vacation. So is Tommy coming with you too?”

“That's the plan, as long as he doesn't do anything stupid.” Joel rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. 

“Oh shit, it's gonna be a hell of a week with you two down here.”

Joel smiled as he drove, listening to Benny go on and on about the different things he wanted to do while his cousins were in town. 

“...and Pope mentioned this cigar shop, we were thinking of getting some to celebrate but I dunno I don't wanna jinx anything and -”

“Ohhhkay Bean, gonna stop you there. I'm about to head in to grab some food. We'll chat later…try and I dunno dance with Nox at the party tomorrow night, put on that Miller charm.”

Six Days to Fight Night

“Mmm, it smells so good in here hermanita,” Victoria walked through the door with Nico and Mariella in tow. 

“Thanks, got the last batch going,” Vanessa said over her shoulder, careful not to take her eyes off the hot oil. 

“Oooo Tia you made empanadas?” Nico bounded over, getting his hand slapped by his mom for reaching for the tray Vanessa had already neatly assembled.

“It's ok Vic, he can take one. Here mi amor take from this plate, those are the guava y queso ones.”

“My favorite! Gracias, Tia!” He managed to say between bites. 

“Cooking up quite the storm huh?” Victoria regarded the counter which included a glass dish full of boiled yucca, a container of citrus-garlic mojo, two types of empanadas, and a tres leches cake.

“We can't show up empty-handed,” Vanessa fished out the last empanada and placed it on the paper towel-lined plate.

“Well you know what they say…fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach,” Victoria giggled as Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Speaking of his stomach, d’you see his Instagram? Ay Papi! She wiggled her eyebrows. 

Vanessa blushed as she started packing up the empanadas into containers. “Um…yeah…I mean, I think I saw it when I was scrolling.” In reality, Vanessa set up notifications for Benny’s posts, so she immediately saw yesterday’s gym selfie. Not wanting to seem too eager, she waited about an hour or so after he posted before she actually liked it. 

“Hmm…sure. Anyways, what are you wearing tonight?”

Vanessa sighed, “I don’t know…it’s a casual backyard party so nothing too fancy.”

“C’mon,” Victoria grabbed her sister’s hand and pulled her up the stairs holding Mariella on her hip. “Vamos, Nico…let’s help Tia figure out what to wear tonight.”

Frankie took a deep breath as he looked at himself in the mirror. Benny's words from the other day were in his head encouraging him to show off all of the hard work he'd been putting into the gym. As he contemplated which of his colorful, silky buttoned-downs to wear, a thought popped into his head. Earlier, Jo sent him a picture of her outfit before she headed out for the night with a friend. She looked gorgeous, but of course, she did. That photo would be in his head all evening, so he thought it would be fun to return the favor. 

He pushed back from the mirror and pulled the bill of his baseball cap down low so that just his mouth was visible. He checked the angle of his phone making sure he was in the frame before looking down and snapping a couple of photos. He sighed as he scrolled through them. This was so unlike him, but he had to admit, it was kind of fun. He got a little rush of doing this for her, curious what her reaction would be. Having fun like this, being silly and carefree and just being in…love? Is that what he was feeling? It had been so long.

“Alright, let’s see what you think baby…” he muttered to himself as he hit send, immediately putting the phone down on the counter and walking back to his closet to figure out which shirt to wear. 

Bucky enthusiastically greeted Katie as she walked into Megan's house. He was excited to see her, sure, but he was more excited about the tray of little Cuban sandwich sliders in her hands.

“Bucky, no no this isn't for you…maybe your mom can give me one of your t-r-e-a-t-s instead,” she winked as Bucky jumped up on her legs. “Ohhh ok, note to self, he knows how to spell,” she laughed, rounding the corner into the kitchen where Megan and Connor were getting their stuff packed up.

“He acts like we never feed him,” Megan laughed. “You've got it good my man,” she looked down at Bucky who gave her big puppy dog eyes. “Don't…ugh dammit it works every time,” she laughed as she grabbed a Milkbone. “Damn you Benny Miller. He got Bucky addicted to these damn things so I had to go to Costco to get more,” Megan gestured to the new treat container as Connor snorted.

“Speaking of Benny, how’s it going with the training, C? Katie leaned against the counter.

Connor sat at the kitchen table, “Oh pretty good. I feel like this week it's all really clicked for Benny. He seems to be having fun. Plus he got some good news, so that put him in an even better mood.”

“News? What news? Ooo something about Vanessa?” Megan asked.

Connor absentmindedly scrolled his phone, “Nah, no it's about his cousins from Texas they're coming to town.”

Megan and Katie looked at each other, a smirk forming across Megan's face. “Cousins from Texas huh?”

“Yeah, Benny was excited about it,” Connor added.

“I guess we'll see if all of Melissa's detective work paid off huh?” Katie tried to sound neutral but she knew Megan was onto her.

“You gonna give David that bit of news or am I?” Megan raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, your kid was the one who had that little tidbit, so it's all yours Meg,” she winked.

With Frankie headed to a party at Lucille's tonight, Jo finally took her neighbor Bea up on her invitation to join her and some friends for a trivia night at a local brewery. They finished the first round and awaited the results, so she had time for a quick trip to the restroom. She checked her phone out of habit, not expecting to see any messages from Frankie. Her stomach did a little flip when she saw she had a message from him – and a photo at that. Intrigued, she leaned against a wall and looked over her shoulder to make sure no one could see her phone. 

Frankie. Without a shirt. Wow, he looked good. And the part that made the slick start to pool between her legs was the little smirk she could see from under his baseball cap. It reminded her of a week ago, looking up at him as he was buried inside her, one of her legs wrapped around his waist. She pushed her thighs together for some relief before responding.

Jo: 🫦

Jo: Benny is teaching you well there Morales

Frankie: Thought you might like that

Jo: Call me later 

Jo: Actually, we should FaceTime 😈

Giving herself one last look in the mirror, Vanessa fussed with her hair before heading downstairs. She could hear Victoria going over the kid’s nighttime routine with their cousin Maria, who agreed to come over and watch them for the evening. She smiled when she saw Nico lying on the couch playing a game on his tablet, watching him as she turned the corner into the kitchen, she nearly ran into Marcus. 

“Vandy!” He narrowly avoided crashing into her and took a step back to take her in. “Wow…you look beautiful,” he leaned down to kiss her cheek. “He’s going to love it.” He whispered in her ear.

She shyly smiled, “It’s not too much?” 

“No, you look perfect.” He winked as he walked over to the kitchen island to help pack up the food they were taking to Lucille’s.

“You don’t look too bad yourself Buck, is that the guayabera Tio Gerardo got you?”

Marcus looked down at his black linen dress shirt, “Yeah this is the one. Some of the guys wear these to the office and now I see why, they’re comfortable as hell,” he chuckled.

Lucille hadn’t thrown a party like this in ages. It felt nice to have the house full of people, the music playing, and the aroma of food wafting throughout. She was thankful to the boys for helping her get the backyard in order. Frankie and Benny set up a beautiful display of twinkling string lights among her trees while Will and Santiago and Connor constructed a dance floor and moved furniture out of the way.

A group congregated in the kitchen, David holding court as he took stock of all of the delicious food Lucille had on the menu. He let out a loud whoop as the Delta Force guys arrived. All of the neighbors showered them with hugs and warmth. In their own ways, each of the guys relished this. It was nice to have people genuinely excited to see them. 

Everyone decided to take the party outside, helping to carry out various dishes and containers. Once everything was set, Benny reached into a cooler to grab a beer. He heard Lucille excitedly announce that the guests of honor were there. Turning around, he immediately locked eyes with Vanessa, like a magnet that found its other half. He let out a breath as he saw her. Fuck, she looks beautiful, no idiot, she looks gorgeous, he thought to himself. Will patted him on the back, but Benny couldn’t hear what he said. It was like everything was in slow motion. 

Vanessa wore a simple forest green wrap dress with a floral pattern that hugged her curves in all of the right places. The straps of the garment were delicate and the neckline formed a modest v, showing just enough cleavage to leave something to the imagination but also enough to make his mouth water. His eyes honed in on her collarbone, wondering what it would be like to pepper kisses along it as he moved his way up her neck to behind her ear and…

“Ben? Earth to Ben?” Santiago chuckled next to him.

Benny shook his head to bring himself back to the present. “Hmm?”

“You’re staring, Bean. Put your tongue back in your mouth and go over there and say hi.” Will added as Frankie smirked. 

“Shit. Yeah, ok.” Benny smoothed the front of his short sleeve blue button down, undoing another button because it suddenly felt like it was a thousand degrees outside despite it being a very pleasant evening. 

A crowd formed around the new arrivals with everyone eager to welcome them to the party. Benny made a beeline to Vanessa waiting impatiently but respectfully as David chatted with her. 

“Girl! Stunning. Tens across the board on this. I didn’t know you had this little figure on you mama!” David winked. 

“Aw thanks, you look great too!” Vanessa blushed as she caught Benny’s eyes from over David’s shoulder. 

David followed her gaze. “Ah, Benny! Hey, d’you hear we have more empanadas? Vanessa made some too, so now we don’t have to fight over all the ones Lulu made. Although if we did actually fight you’d kick my ass so…” David chuckled.

Benny snorted as David excused himself, taking the opportunity to ask Will about his new motorcycle. “Hi,” Benny looked at her with a soft smile, pushing the hair out of his eyes.

“Hi,” Vanessa replied, a bit shaky. 

For as much as he was in awe of her, she was equally as mesmerized by him. He’d been almost exclusively wearing a baseball cap since they met, so she hadn’t noticed that his hair was getting a little bit longer. His shirt fit him perfectly, showing off all of the hard work he’d put in at the gym. She looked down at his chest, appreciating the fact that he had a few buttons undone. His chain glimmered as it sat nestled into some sparse hair on his chest. He looked like a model and Vanessa couldn’t believe he was standing there talking to her.

“Y-you look absolutely beautiful,” he gave her a quick but appreciative up and down, trying his hardest not to let his eyes linger for too long.

“You clean up pretty good yourself Bun,” she smiled back, brushing some lint off his shoulder. Her stomach did a little flip when he chuckled at the mention of his nickname. 

Benny looked over his shoulder as Marcus and Will moved dishes and plates to make room for the newest additions to the buffet. “D’you make all of that?”

Vanessa nodded, looking down feeling her face getting hot as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah…spent most of the day doing it.”

“Well, I’m excited to taste you…I mean your um…whatever you brought. What ah, what did you make?” Benny rubbed the back of his neck, thankful it was dark outside and she couldn’t fully see how red he was turning. 

“Want me to show you?”

“Absolutely, lead the way boss lady,” Benny winked, letting her walk in front of him so he could check her out, noticing that she put a little extra swish and sway to her hips.

Lucille stopped for a moment as she walked outside with another plate of empanadas and croquettas to refill the trays. She took in the sight of her backyard so full of people, of laughter, of music, it brought a tear to her eyes. She wished her Julio could be there to see how their little neighborhood had grown. With a deep breath, she set down the plate and turned to see everyone starting to hit the makeshift dance floor thanks to David who has commandeered the speakers.

“Vamos bailar Lulu?” Marcus winked, extending his arm out to her which she happily took. 

“Habalas español muy bien Marcus,” she complimented as he led her onto the dance floor.

“Well, I had to learn quickly. Had to know what my mother-in-law and her family were saying about me,” he chuckled.

On the other side of the backyard, David dragged Olivia onto the dance floor, to the cheers of everyone including her husband Chris. They didn’t get out much and were so thankful to Aria for coming over to babysit so they could have a night with their neighbors. Santiago twirled Victoria around, the two keeping up with the quick beat of the song.

In a move that surprised most of the neighbors, Will was eager to get out on the dance floor, bringing Katie along. Although she was a bit unsure of how to keep to the beat, she was pleasantly surprised to see Will take the lead.

“Where'd you learn to dance like this?” Katie giggled as she held one of his hands and lightly rested the other on his shoulder.

“Learned a few things from my exes,” he winked as she rolled her eyes.

“Didn't pass along those tricks to your brother?” She nodded towards Benny who was sulking in the corner nursing a beer as he watched everyone.

Will shook his head as he twirled her, “Tried…we finally found something he's actually not good at,” he chuckled before cutting his eyes over to check in on Benny. With a sigh, he added that Benny's ex used to make fun of him when he tried to dance, one of the countless ways she found to tear him down.

“Aww poor Bean,” Katie pouted, sneaking a look at Benny as Will spun her around again. She noticed Benny's eyes were glued to Vanessa who sat twirling her Solo cup and politely chatting with Ty at a table.

“He'll get his big boy pants on soon,” Will smirked.

“So…your motorcycle is the talk of the neighborhood,” she teased.

“Ha yea,” he twirled her before bringing her back in close. “I have to admit, it's been kinda fun, you should go with me sometime.”

“No way,” Katie shook her head. “Couldn't pay me enough money to do that…but I know someone who would,” she arched her eyebrow. 

“And who is that?” Will looked skeptical.

“Miranda, my coworker. She's been watching this show about a motorcycle gang and it's kind of a thing for her now,” she chuckled, noticing Will's ears getting red. 

Despite the fact that the two of them had moved on from anything romantic, Katie still had love for Will and wanted him to be happy.

“Oh c'mon, I think you'll like her. She's really sweet and super smart.”

“She been helping you with that big presentation for work?’

“Yeah! Poor thing, she's been juggling a lot because of…well, she has a lot of responsibilities at home. But yeah, we both are looking forward to Monday being over with,” she chuckled.

“You gonna dance with her or what?” Frankie leaned against the wall, turning his head to look at Benny who stood chewing on the inside of his cheek and looking down at his feet. He kept missing the occasional hopeful glances Vanessa tossed over her shoulder. Frankie sighed, shaking his head, “Well if you won’t, I will.” He pushed off the wall and strode over to Vanessa.

Vanessa heard someone clear their throat behind her and she felt a lump form in her throat. 

“¿Quieres bailar?”

She tried to hide her disappointment that the voice behind her wasn’t the one she was hoping for. Turning around she saw Frankie looking down at her with a soft smile. He looked so much like her ex she had to do a bit of a double take. “You’re sweet. It's ok, Frankie, I don't really like this song anyway,” she forced a tight smile. 

“C'mon,” he leaned down and lowered his voice, “show him what he's missing.” He offered her his hand with a wink.

Vanessa chuckled to herself and with Ty’s encouragement took Frankie up on his offer. She stood up from the table, smoothed her dress and placed her hand in Frankie's as he led her to the dance floor. Victoria cheered and Lucille clapped as she welcomed the newest couple to the dance floor.

Benny scratched the back of his head and took a long swig of his beer, wishing he could get past his insecurities. He watched everyone carrying on and having fun, but really he was only watching one person. He couldn't take his eyes off Vanessa. The way her nose scrunched as she giggled at something Frankie said, the way she tossed her hair, the way her hips swayed.

Frankie kept a respectful hand at her mid-to-upper back, but still brushed against some of her exposed skin making Benny’s fingers twitch. As she twirled around again he saw her smile, a smile he swore could light up a pitch-black room. He was so caught up in this trance it didn't even register that Megan had walked up next to him.

“You know, you strike me as the kinda guy who is the first one out on the dance floor no matter what the music. Didn’t peg you as the wallflower.”

“I…ah…I’m not a good dancer,” he pulled his lips into a tight line. 

“I don't think she'd care,” she nodded towards the dance floor.

As the song ended and another started, a musical chairs of sorts ensued as everyone switched partners. Marcus kissed Lucille's hand and passed her off to Frankie just as Victoria crashed into her husband's arms in a fit of giggles. Santiago danced with Olivia after Melissa walked away from him, while David whisked Katie around, leaving Will and Vanessa. Even though Will had been nothing but sweet to her, she was still intimidated by him, like she wanted to make a good impression.

“Wanna dance darlin'? I’m not as good as Fish but I can hold my own,” he chuckled, looking down with a shy smile that reminded her of Benny. 

“That's ok, as long as you're having fun that's all that matters,” she smiled, taking his hand.

Somewhere between the second verse and the bridge, Will’s eyes clocked Vanessa stealing a glance over at Benny.

“Dancing isn't really his thing, at least not fast songs like these. For as good as his footwork is in the ring, he's not the most coordinated on the dance floor...’specially when there's a pretty girl in his arms distracting him,” he winked, which made Vanessa's cheeks feel hot. “He just doesn't wanna look dumb, it's nothing on you sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Will. Hey, you know for a gringo you dance really well. Took Marcus forever to learn,” she giggled, making Will break out into a huge grin.

As the song neared its end, Will tried to subtly get Benny's attention while also making sure Vanessa was having fun. Finally, he caught his brother's eyes and gave him a stern look that said get your ass over here now and dance with her. 

Benny finished his beer and took a deep breath, willing his legs to move even though it felt like he had cement blocks tied to his boots. Thankfully, the tempo slowed down considerably for the next song, easing some of Benny's anxiety. 

Vanessa's back was to him as approached, which gave him another chance to admire her even though he could feel Marcus and Victoria's eyes on him. He cleared his throat and tried to muster some of that Miller charm, “S’cuse me miss, this guy bothering you?”

Will smirked, looking down to see Vanessa's face light up at the sound of Benny's voice. He let her go putting up his arms in surrender, “just keepin’ her company waiting for you,” he snorted. “Thanks for the dance darlin’,” Will kissed her hand and made his way over to Olivia since Santiago had bounced to Katie.

“Hi,” Benny smiled, suddenly feeling like a middle schooler who finally worked up the courage to ask the pretty girl to dance. 

“Hi,” Vanessa tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I…um…” Benny's Adam's apple bobbed up and down, his mind went blank.

“Here, give me your hand, Bun,” Vanessa reached her hand out. She guided his hand to her waist, placing it lower than Frankie or Will's hands had ventured. She rested one hand on his shoulder and with her other she threaded her fingers with his. “There, now rock side to side. See? All good.”

Benny shook his head before a mischievous smile danced across his lips. “Not yet.” His fingers dug firmly into her back as he brought her closer, their bodies flush against each other. She let out a surprised giggle which was music to his ears. “There. Now we're good.”

Vanessa dropped his hand, seeing his brows slightly furrow before relaxing again as she wrapped both of her arms around his neck. They swayed side to side, completely off the beat but it didn't matter, they couldn't hear the music anyway. 

Benny willed himself to keep it together but his eyes fluttered closed when Vanessa started lightly scratching the back of his neck with her fingernails. He wanted so badly to feel her fingers through his hair, to feel her tug on it while he….he took a deep breath and tried to think about puppies or baseball, anything that would distract from the fact that his body was pressed up against hers. An abrupt inhale made Vanessa's eyebrow twitch.

“Are you ok?” She recoiled a bit.

Vanessa's words pulled Benny back to the present. “Hmm?”

“Did you just fall asleep on me?” She chuckled.

“No, no…I'm just really relaxed…the way you're scratching the back of my head, it's um…” He trailed off laughing to himself as he shook his head to rid his mind of the dirty thought that flashed through it. 

“Sorry, I…didn't mean to…” She moved her hands back to his shoulders.

He shook his head and with a smile gently placed her hands back around his neck as his hands then traced down her sides, before finally resting on her hips. “No, it's ok, I like it,” he licked his bottom lip, deciding to test things just a little bit. “You’re just distractin’ me a bit is all…” he looked down at his feet.

“Oh…well, I think you're doing a good job.” 

“You're a sweetheart, but you and I both know I'm shit at dancing,” he said with a lopsided grin.

Vanessa's eyes narrowed as she stopped, bringing her hands down to Benny's biceps. “Don't say that about yourself. I'm having fun. Aren't you?”

The corner of Benny's mouth curled up as he nodded. “Course I'm having fun. I somehow convinced the prettiest girl here to dance with me and my two left feet.” 

Vanessa tried to stay calm and coy, but inside she was exploding at not only what he said, but the way he was looking at her.

“Well, you can't get any better unless you practice right?” 

Benny smirked, feeling bolder seeing her reaction to his flirting, “You tryna help me then? Help me…practice.”

“Maybe,” she bit her bottom lip, their eyes locked on one another.

Benny took a deep breath through his nose as one of his hands snaked its way to the small of her back, resting at the top of her ass. Hearing her breath hitch gave him an extra boost of confidence to affirm he wasn't misreading this entire exchange. “Well, darlin' I wonder if I may bother you for some um…private lessons…you know, so I can get better,” he winked.

Vanessa could feel her heart pounding in her ear drums and the wet spot in her underwear growing. She gave him an up and down and leaned in, nodding so he'd lower his head toward her, “I tell you what, you win your match and,” she leaned in further and whispered in his ear, “let’s skip the lesson and I’ll give you a little private dance instead.”

“Fuuuuck,” Benny let out a shaky breath and Vanessa swore she felt him instantly get hard. His grip tightened on her. She smiled to herself seeing the effect she had on him. I've still got it. 

She giggled and leaned into Benny, resting her head on his chest and they continued to rock back and forth. Her mouth was dangerously close to his chest, thanks to the undone buttons. It took everything in her to remember where she was and who was around because all she wanted to do was grab his chain with her teeth and drag him to the nearest bathroom. She hadn't felt like this about anyone since the early days of dating Luce.

Benny cleared his throat and she looked up to see his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed, sensing he was a bit flustered. “Y’know, it's gonna be a hell of a long week till Friday knowing that’s what’s waiting for me darlin’, but I'm patient. I can wait,” he winked. “Do I get to pick the song?” He raised his eyebrow which made her giggle.

“Nope.”

They continued to giggle and talk in whispers, as one song bleed into the next and the next. They didn't even realize they were the last two on the dance floor. Looking around Vanessa felt a bit embarrassed, but she saw that everyone else was off talking or eating leaving the two of them in their own little bubble. A yawn escaped, the excitement of the day finally starting to catch up with her. 

“Tired?” Benny looked at her with some concern.

“Yeah a little…woke up early so I could start making the food.”

“You um…going to head home?” Benny asked, a little sad that their evening would come to an end. 

“I should…we're talking the kids to the aquarium, so I could use the sleep,” she smiled. 

Benny cleared his throat before locking eyes on her again, “Mind if I walk you home?”

Her first inclination was to say no, that she could handle walking a few houses down the street by herself. But seeing how earnest Benny looked, she thought she'd take him up on the offer. Plus, she knew Victoria would rip her a new one if she left this hanging. “Yeah, I'd like that.”

Victoria saw Vanessa give her the signal that said she wanted to leave. After 10 years of being in the family too, Marcus picked up and saw it too. 

“Should we start packing up since Vandy is leaving?” He asked.

“Not yet mi amor, I think she has an escort home. I still feel bad that we cock blocked them last week. C'mon let's get another drink,” she winked, squealing a bit when Marcus lightly swatted her ass. 

Normally a fast walker, Vanessa deliberately slowed down her steps to prolong the walk back to the house. She and Benny walked closely side by side, their hands occasionally brushing against each other until one time where Benny reached for her hand and she took it. They both struggled trying to mask the massive grins on their faces.

“I had fun tonight,” Benny looked over. 

“Me too. I really like it here, everyone’s so nice. Feels like it was the right decision to move here.” She whispered to herself.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Occasionally Benny’s thumb would rub up and down her hand.

When they finally reached the Pike residence, Vanessa turned around, still holding Benny’s hand. “Well … this is my stop.”

Benny looked up at the ceiling of the porch with a smile before returning his gaze to her, “Yes this is.” He stepped a little bit closer, hearing her breath hitch. All he wanted to do was cup her cheek and kiss her, but he didn't know if it was too soon…or if he'd be able to control himself because he wanted to do a lot more than just kiss her.

“Y'know I didn't have dancin' on my bingo card for tonight, but I'm glad I was able to check that off.”

“What else did you check off?”

Benny gave a mischievous smile, a playful glimmer in his eye. “Hmm, let's see. David made a comment about Frankie's hair. Check. Delicious food. Check. You played a big role in that last one by the way.”

She blushed at the comment, giddy that he enjoyed the food she made for the party. “I'm happy to cook for you whenever you want.” Her eyes darted back and forth between his as he stepped a little closer. “What…um…what else did you check off tonight?”

Benny snorted, “Melissa avoiding Pope, that counts for two.”

“Sounds like a pretty packed evening.”

“It was…pretty awesome night I'd say. But I am missing one thing I was kinda hoping for.”

“Oh yeah? What's that?”

It was now or never. Benny could hear Joel’s voice in his head telling him to go for it, so he took a deep breath. “A kiss.”

“Well, I'm sure the ladies would line the block if you’re offering,” she smirked.

He shook his head. “No, not just any lady. I had a…uh…very specific one in mind.”

She stepped a little closer as he sucked in a breath. “Tell me about her.”

“Well, she's smokin’ hot,” he said with a lopsided grin which made her giggle. “She's got the most beautiful smile, her laugh instantly makes me feel better, and her eyes…” he trailed off. “Yeah, I can get lost in them. But as beautiful as she is on the outside she's even more stunning on the inside,” he ran his hands down her arms and stopped to take both of her hands in his. “She’s smart and kind. Plus she's an amazing cook. She's kind of a catch.”

Vanessa steadied her breath and smiled, feeling like her heart was going to explode out of her chest. “Well, I didn't think Lucille was your type but I can see it,” she teased.

Benny threw his head back in laughter. She loved seeing the way his entire face lit up when he laughed. 

“No way I'm taking Frankie's girl from him,” he chuckled, licking his bottom lip and returning his gaze to Vanessa.

“Well, this…great catch…seems pretty special. I hope you're able to kiss her.”

“Yeah me too.” He looked down, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed and mustered up the courage. “Vanessa, I…” he let out a little chuckle, trying to suppress that nervous feeling he felt in his stomach before doing something that scared him.

Ever since he suggested walking her home he thought about kissing her. But seeing her now, the way the soft light of the porch glowed around her, she looked like an angel. And she was looking at him in a way that made him feel like the most important person in the world – a fact that made him feel both unworthy but also like he could conquer any obstacle.

He brought his hand to cup her cheek, his calloused thumb caressing her soft skin. He willed his mind to not wander to how soft she must feel in other places.

“Vanessa…I really like you. And I…” he closed his eyes, shaking his head with a chuckle. Composing himself, he decided to just take the plunge. “Can I kiss you?”

She enthusiastically nodded, knowing she couldn't trust herself to form a sentence. All she wanted to do was kick her feet and squeal with excitement.

“Yeah?” 

“Yes, please,” she whispered.

He slowly lowered his head, wetting his bottom lip with his tongue as he moved his hand from her cheek to her neck. Their lips softly touched, both of them stunned but utterly giddy that they'd gotten to this point. 

Benny pulled away, resting his forehead on hers and nuzzling her nose as they both smiled. “That was…wow…can I do that again?”

Vanessa tugged on his shirt, their lips crashing together. Benny walked her backward, his hand extending out behind her so he could catch the wall, guiding her to rest against it. With one hand still cradling her neck, his other trailed down her body. 

She opened her mouth a bit wider, giving him permission to test the waters further. He softly licked along her bottom lip as started to explore. A soft moan from her was all he needed to push himself right up against her groaning as her hands found his hair and tugged slightly.

From a distance, they could hear some whooping and cheering from Lucille's house, instantly transporting them back to reality and the fact that they were making out on a porch. Benny pulled away, his thumb caressing her kiss-swollen lips. 

“Can't believe we were able to do that without getting interrupted.”

Vanessa let out a soft giggle. “I know…Benny that was…”

“Perfect.”

“Yeah.” She brought her hands down his chest, stopping to play with the pendant at the end of his chain as his hands lightly rested on her waist.

He let out a shaky breath, “I want to kiss you again darlin' but I won't be able to stop,” he smiled as she giggled. “I…um…I want to do this right.” He pulled back, both hands moving to rest on her waist. 

“Me too. I don't want to rush this.”

“And what is…this?” He arched an eyebrow.

“Well, I'd like to explore that, if you're up for it.”

“Yeah, I'd like that.” He kissed her again and he'd never felt more invincible like he could take on anything as long as she was by his side. He trailed kisses down her neck, lightly tracing her collarbone with his tongue, in a move that made goosebumps appear on her skin as she mewled. He kissed up the other side of her neck. “I really can't fuckin wait until I win that fight now,” he whispered in her ear as he grabbed a handful of her ass and grinding his hardened length against her.

It was a miracle she was able to remain standing and not dissolve into an instant puddle. Feeling his warm breath against her ear and hearing the need in his voice, it was intoxicating. They made out a little bit longer, neither one wanting it to end but knowing if they continued things would escalate to a place they both wanted to go, but weren't ready for yet. 

Benny kept trying to say goodbye but ended up kissing her, both of them giggling as they continued to explore with their hands and mouths.

Vanessa pulled back, cupping his face between her hands. “We are definitely going to get interrupted soon, I'm surprised we haven't yet.”

“You're right. Can I see you tomorrow?”

“I'd like that. You get home safely Bun.”

“Yes ma'am.”

Next Time on As the Mule Falls: Friends. The long-awaited arrival of Cousin Joel is here. He arrives in the next chapter oh my am I excited. We’ll also gear up for fight night. 

A/N: Hi! Woof that was a long chapter but we had a lot to get through, didn’t we? I mentioned this after the last chapter, but I’m experimenting with doing a few little side stories/extras for this main series. I’ve written two stories - Strike a Pose (Benny x Vanessa) and Weathered In (Frankie x Jo). You don’t have to read them to keep up with the main story, but they add a little extra to the whole experience. We’re gearing up for a storyline I’ve been tinkering with since the fall and am so excited about it and hope you all love it as much as I do. 

On a personal note, I’m headed out for a work trip and then vacation, so I’m hoping to get some writing done but we’ll see. Until next time! Thank you as always for reading, sharing, or sending me a message about this story!

Taglist: @goodwithcheese / @gemmahale / @trulybetty / @noxturnalpascal / @periodtsparadox / @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin / @maggiemayhemnj / @mysterious-moonstruck-musings / @avastrasposts / @meveispunk / @chaoticfestninja / @beboldbebravethings / @casa-boiardi / @katw474 / @laughing-in-th3-purple-rain / @pimosworld / @lynnchun / @anoverwhelmingdin /@lilmizmoz / @pedrit0-pascalit0 / @titlee78 / @noisynightmarepoetry / @inept-the-magnificent / @perennialdoll247 / @for-a-longlongtime / @readingiskeepingmegoing / @harriedandharassed / @musings-of-a-rose / @anavatazes / @sherala007 / @midnightraain / @partyofone3413 / @inthedarkestnight / @millennial-teenybopper / @csarab615 / @darkheartgatita / @southernbe / @weho2kcmo / @itspdameronthings

I'm having some issues with tags so apologies if you aren't getting tagged!

[allexina]

heyy, i don't know if u feel comfortable writing threesome (mb if not ++ u can delete the ask), but could you do a a hc dating f0r steve randle and sodapop curtis?

*hope you're alright, love your works, xoxo*

Content warnings: reader is female and uses she/her pronouns, poly relationship,

Sodapop Curtis x Female! Reader x Steve Randle

Author’s note: I wasn’t going to write this because I’m monogamous and I’ve never been in a poly relationship before but I wanted to write something new and I feel this is a great opportunity to write outside of my comfort zone!! It means the world to me that you enjoy my writing too!!💛💛

As a side note, I do want constructive criticism and I also want to be aware if I’m not portraying something accurately!! I will also most likely rewrite this so it’ll be way longer. This was just me jotting my thoughts down and trying to figure out how the relationship would stand so I will probably make changes and all but yeah!! Anyways, have a great day or night!!💛💛

How you got together:

You placed the chocolate cake on the plate and set it on the table along with two beers. You had cooked steak, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, and some fruit on the side. You also poured three cups of sweet tea, making sure everyone would be comfortable when you brought up the conversation you felt needed to be had.

The three of you acted as a couple anyways so why not make it official? You wanted it to be so that everyone would be on the same page together.

A knock on the door shocked you out of your thoughts. You were quick to open the door and smiled at the two men who were standing outside of your home. “Hey, I’ve gotten dinner cooked along with some beer and tea inside.” You smiled as you opened the door more for them to come in.

“Hey, baby.” Soda pressed a kiss to your lips and let his hand drift over your stomach. Steve was right behind him, kissing you and letting his hand rest on your hip. Yeah, you were pretty sure the three of you were already in a relationship with each other.

They were sitting at the table by the time you had walked back over to them. “I do want to talk to both of you about something important.” You sat down at the table and picked your fork up with a shaky hand.

“What is it?” Steve was eating the steak first which made you smile as you wanted him to eat more healthy. You couldn’t help but still feel the anxiety from before even though they both seemed okay with it.

“I wanted to make us official.” You stated with a small sigh falling from your lips. You watched as the men stopped eating and turned to face you. You bit back the embarrassment and looked between them.

Finally, Soda spoke up, “I’m fine with whatever y’all want.” He looked at you with a small smile playing at his lips.

You look towards Steve and he smiled at the two of you. “Okay, I’m glad y’all weren’t disgusted by the thought. I know we kiss and hug like we’re together but that could’ve been because y’all were jus’ clingy.” Steve seemed to have been holding that in for a while.

You stood up and threw your arms around Steve with a grin playing at your lips. Soda was giving you those adorable eyes that you were never able to say no to and you held your arm out for him. Soda immediately stood up and rushed over to the two of you, somehow managing to pick both you and Steve up. He made it to the couch with y’all before dropping y’all on it. You began laughing as Steve pressed a kiss to your collarbone.

You moved over and patted the spot next to you. “Y’all will eat that food cold if y’all don’t eat it now.” Soda sat down next to you and Steve with a sigh. He let his head rest on the wall and without much coaxing, fell asleep.

“We’ll eat it tomorrow, darlin’. He’s been working a real lot.” Steve leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. You made sure to press a gentle kiss to his lips, trying to keep the same feeling hanging around.

“Okay. Seriously though, I worked so hard on that.” You complained as you sat between the two. Steve just gave you a gentle pat on the head. You wiggled between the two and tried to escape the hold that Steve had on you while trying to move Soda’s legs off of your thighs.

You finally sighed as Steve grabbed you by your arm and kept you held still. You looked between them and smiled as you realized that you had gotten what you wanted. You had gotten the loves of your life together with you.

You pulled both of them closer and closed your eyes, slowly falling asleep.

Sleeping with them:

The three of you had slept together often but it was always a fight to lay with them for long periods of time. Soda loved to cuddle but Steve wanted the whole bed for himself.

You were usually stuck in the middle of them. It wasn’t a fight that you particularly disliked but you also didn’t want to constantly fight for the blanket. You nudged Soda over and he absentmindedly rolled to make extra space for you.

Steve on the other hand decided that he was going to snatch the blanket so you curled up to Soda’s back, wrapping your arms around his waist. It was such a comforting feeling to have both of them around but sometimes, you really wish you would’ve stayed single.

Soda turned over and wrapped his arms around you, keeping you close to him just in case you got cold. He only moved to grab Steve and pull him closer to the two of you so he could grab the blanket.

Steve turned around and cuddled up against your back. He pressed a lazy kiss to your neck. You smiled and pulled the blanket closer to you. Soda let out a sigh as he knew you were probably going to be petty about the situation in the morning. He just kissed both you and Steve on the forehead before rolling back over to his side of the bed, making sure that his arm was thrown over both you and Steve.

How y’all prevent jealousy within the relationship:

You leaned back on the couch as a random movie played on the tv. You ran your fingers through Steve’s greasy hair and he nuzzled into your thighs, littering open mouthed kisses over them.

Steve’s lips ended up going further up your thigh and you jumped, pushing him away for a split second. You began laughing quietly and kept him close to you.

Soon enough, Soda came home with a tired look on his face. He had been working all day. Soda plopped down beside his lovers and you kissed his cheek. “Do y’all wanna go shower?” Soda suddenly asked as he stood up. You and Steve looked at each other before Steve jumped off the couch.

“No, I was planning on taking one in the morning so I can wake myself up. Have a good shower y’all two.” You giggled as you leaned back on the couch and continued watching the movie.

You heard the shower turn on and you were grateful that you had decided not to shower with them. The two of them could probably take hours in the shower. You leaned forward as the movie took a twist that you genuinely hadn’t expected.

“Oh what?!?” You screeched as you watched the end of the movie show. You began silently cursing the tv as you shook your head.

Suddenly, you heard Steve laughing from the bathroom. Now, you were stuck with a feeling of jealousy as you realized you had nothing to do other than listen to them.

So, with the feeling of jealousy continuing to creep up on you, you made your way to the bathroom.

You poked your head into the bathroom before stepping inside and shutting the door behind you. You sat down on the toilet after making sure the lid was closed and pulled your feet to your chest. “So, how was y’all’s day?” You suddenly asked.

“Mine was fine, baby. What about y’all’s?” Soda spoke up as he poked his head out from behind the shower curtain.

“Mine was fine.” You smiled and waited for Steve to answer.

“My day was fine.” Steve responded to the two of you as you began taking your clothes off.

“I want to shower with y’all now. I got jealous.” You were always open with your lovers to prevent things from building up. Your lovers was almost immediate in their actions as you finished up with undressing.

You got in the shower with them and moved to lean against the wall, still wanting them to spend time together. You knew that you done what you deemed was right by actually speaking to them. The two of them continued showering while Soda made jokes and laughed.

He was the reason you and Steve met in the first place. He was the one who brought you three closer together. You suddenly surged forward and kissed Soda before passing to Steve and kissing him until your breath had been taken away from you. “I’m sorry. I want the two of you to spend time together. I don’t know why I got jealous.” You muttered out and Soda and Steve both wrapped their arms around you.

“We do spend time together. Hell, we have nights where we go out by ourselves. Darlin’, even if we didn’t, it’s normal to feel jealous.” Steve wasn’t one to be… well, you didn’t want to finish that thought but for him to put thought into comforting you really made you grateful that you asked them to be in a relationship together.

Soda’s hands began lathering soap into your hair and you leaned back to let him. Steve had began washing your body, taking care to not hit any sensitive areas. You loved the comfort of having them so close. They made you feel safe.

“I love y’all so much.” You suddenly muttered out as you felt the need to touch both of them. You were starting to feel needy.

“We love you, too.” Steve and Soda were quick to show you love. You watched as the two kissed each other and you smiled with a sense of home feeling you.

[lyricallymnded]

sticky // the maine

[deedala]

🌱w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y🌱

BIG THANKS @energievie for the game today!! and thanks for tagging me!! + @darlingian @mybrainismelted @lingy910y <333

Name: deanna

Age: noel-aged <3

Location: ohio (it exists) (or does it)

What's one of your go-to karaoke songs? Singing by yourself in the car or in the shower totally counts. what if i said kate bush's wuthering heights? hmm? what then??

If you had the power to control one of the four elements, which one would it be and why? water because i *would* become a blood bender and commit crimes

Think of one of your defining personality traits - which animal embodies it? i dunno...a tiny shivering dog that just looks like its at a 10/10 anxiety all the time

Are there any fan theories that have stuck with you? Think of the infamous "Scooby and the gang are all actually high" uuuuhhmmmm...whats the one about the old gods being somehow extremely connected to the ancient elvhen pantheon, the ones trapped somewhere between worlds. DA4 please we need you.

Name a movie you watched or a book you read as a kid that you were totally not supposed to watch/read at that age. okay can i actually cite the soundtrack to the musical Les Miserables? which i have known all the lyrics to since i was like 6 or 7 years old???

Name a food or drink that you totally hated as a kid and now you really like. hmm having a hard time thinking of like a real food but dark chocolate is for sure something

How about one you still hate? brussels sprouts

What's your least favourite chore? DUSTING for sure

Do you have one that you actually enjoy? i love folding a warm basket of towels straight out of the dryer, ooohhh so cozy

And to close it off, share a lyric or two that really resonate with you. I wish I was a mayfly on the River Tay I'd fit all my joys and my pleasures in one perfect day I wish I was the sunlight, just sitting on the Mississippi I'd settle for a shopping trolley in the Liffey

And now i shall tag some precious nuggets to play if you want and if not please consider this me giving you awkward finger-guns from across the room xoxo @too-schoolforcool @michellemisfit @mmmichyyy @juliakayyy @iansw0rld @heymacy @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @metalheadmickey @mickeysgaymom @softmick @sam-loves-seb @themarchg1rl @loftec @the-rat-wins @crossmydna @vintagelacerosette @palepinkgoat @sleepyfacetoughguy @whatwouldmickeydo @transmickey @tanktopgallavich @sickness-health-all-that-shit @rereadanon @thisdivorce @lee-ow @jrooc @gardenerian @callivich 💖💖💖

[beefrobeefcal]

https://64.media.tumblr.com/f80dfd4d4022311baf5ba6098b37fe83/181245afbf287710-c0/s1280x1920/76405f99a7880202727dd0a350a203f25c747899.jpg

xoxo

To Nonnie, Love Beefro

Nonnie, thank you. I needed this today.

Imma take a moment and be real with you all right now. Your beef is in a funk, and not the shake your groove thing kind.

tw: mental health talk

If this isn’t your bag and you’re just here for chaos beef fat peepaw meltdowns, mad respect, baby, and I’ll see you in the next post or two! 💜🥩💜

Smuttiest regards,

Beefro 👌🥩💜

First and foremost, I am not looking for sympathy, I’m just keeping y’all in the loop. This is something I have lived with for years and it’s only in my late 30’s that I have been able to put words to it (now NO ONE CAN STOP ME!), and you also might be thinking but beef, didn’t you just go thru this?

Like a beaver on a unicycle, these are the days of our lives and yeah - this cycle of good and bad, shit and great, highs and lows? happy and sad is my life. 🎢🥩🤯

There are factors in my non-internet life that I don’t have control over right now and they’re causing pretty severe anxiety, and it’s gotten so outside the I-can-handle-this realm that the terrible, ominous, dread-inducing brain goblin - depression - has made a cantankerous nest in my noggin. I call him Norbert.

I’m okay. I’m safe. I’m warm. I’m comforted. But I’m sad. Norbert has me seeing slights and purposeful ignorance in harmless and pleasant interactions. Norbert also tells me there’s slightly veiled hatred in a completely-obvious-it’s-not-about-me statement.

Depression is such a selfish brain bastard. It tells you every bad thing is and must be about you, and it tells you these lies over and over until you break down and believe them. I hate depression. But I don’t hate me. I love me enough to know I need kindness - not just from my inner circle and irl besties - but also from myself. I deserve to be treated gently, especially when I’m feeling fragile and breakable and fractured.

This isn’t me saying I’m taking a break - far from it! But I may not be as quick to respond or posting as frequently. I say that, and who knows… peepaw could show up to a movie festival in an outfit that gives home economics project inspired by chicken wire and I could be brought back to life and feel better. That’s the joy of harboring a Norbert - I could be fine one minute and debilitated the next.

Nonnie, I’m sorry to usurp your THOT with sad beef rambles, but i had to convey that I really did need this. I needed a small, wordless reminder that someone remembers me (again, depression lies!). Not only did you remember me, you thought of me when you saw Tim looking like he had one too many nights of take out and took the time to send this so me. 💜🥩💜 thank you.

Despite what Norbert tells me, I matter.

[fletcherwilbury]

@febuwhump Day 10: Killing in Self-Defense

Warning for Illness, respiratory issues, injury, faking injury, robbery, attempted murder, murder, minor character death

[eddiernunson]

Title is a work in progress.

REPOSTED because holy shit this would NOT show up in the tags. Literally wanted to cry.

Eddie Munson | Trapped | Part 1

Next Part ---------------Master List

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.5k

Contains: Fluff, light angst, Awkward “they like each other but neither of them know” conversation, Virgin!Eddie, Shy!Reader, Anxiety, Reader works with Robin and Steve, and is friends with Nancy. Alludes to reader also helping gang with the Upside Down. Vague mention of weed/dealing, also Sad Eddie.

Prompt: Honestly, I was inspired by this post by @loveronlineee​ about how Eddie seems all cool and charismatic like he’d be cool with the ladies, when in reality... he’s a big DnD loving nerd. He’s likely maybe kissed one person. In this fic he’s never kissed anyone.

Author’s Note: I have went down the rabbit hole from Wednesday to Friday reading Eddie x Reader fics and now I really want to write. I didn’t know where to start until I was inspired so thank you xoxo for that inspiration. This fanfic has started off fluffy but will get more heated, I promise. Minors DNI for that simple reason as for when it DOES get heated. It’s my first time posting on this tag so please be gentle... thank you!

Just wanted to put a disclaimer. I know he can talk to women in general. He just knows that no sane person would want to face the scrutiny he faces. That and probably being insanely touch starved... romance is not easy for him. And while yes he is pretty insane behind close doors I just have to believe some of his personality is a shield.

Despite what some might believe (you), Eddie has…limited experience in dating. Despite what his suave, charismatic, erratic, and charming upfront of a personality would tell you, his Hellfire club, and the entire school even he had never had even so much even kissed a girl. Or boy. He tentatively liked the idea of it but was certainly sure it wasn’t going to happen until after high school.

Eddie might take being called a Freak with a roll of his eyes or a middle finger, but he knew as long as he was in highschool (still) no one would want to be pulled into the scrutiny he faced. His Hellfire club always knew when they joined that they’d be wrapped up in being called a cult, but they were never picked on or scrutinized as much as Eddie. They would get a chuckle as Eddie hissed at a random passer or momentarily embraces his label, but the word Freak usually stays on him alone. If there is any moment where his club members get pulled into it, he takes the attention off of them immediately. He doesn’t wish this on anyone.

Behind closed doors and at the end of the day, sometimes it leads to a muffled sob at night. He never gives them more than five minutes. He refuses to give them the satisfaction of knowing he is at all affected by it.

Eddie was once compared to Steve Harrington in the midst of a break during one of the more tamed DnD campaigns by one of the old and now graduated members of Hellfire. Eddie was surprised by this comparison, intrigued. “What do you mean,” he asked, careful to hide his surprise to the comparison to the resident douchebag of their school.

The club member laughed, ruffling his sandy brown hair. “No man you guys are just both so charismatic.” They laughed, looking at their character sheets absentmindedly. “I mean, you see Steve. He is dripping in the ladies. It wouldn’t surprise me if you had that in common.” Eddie was rendered speechless, but didn’t let it show. He cockily winked at his pal, suddenly aware that his persona was a lot more convincing than he initially thought. It was even convincing the people closest to him.

Eddie’s charisma or general confidence might have convinced one person (that he knew of) he was a real lady killer, like Harrington or Hargrove, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. They were literally cool kids. Kids who were welcomed at parties and expected at big social events. He’s a metalhead who enjoys writing new sadistic campaigns in his free time or talking to his guitar. How the hell was he ever going to touch, kiss, fuck, anyone?

That’s were you came in.

The truth is, you were obsessed with Eddie Munson. His hair, his rings, his confidence, his ability to rile up assholes who only live to bully others, everything about him you admired. And you’ve never even talked to him before. Your co-worker and now friend Robin would tease you about it when she caught you staring from across the cafeteria to the Hellfire table, but you knew it was all in good fun.

On this particular day, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him, Robin rambling on in the background of your fazed mindset. You resisted leaning on your hand like a school girl so it wouldn’t be obvious, but maybe open-mouthed breathing and not eating is not all that different. You were absentmindedly chewing on your lip without exposing your teeth, and you could feel your heart beating out of your chest.

Robin stopped speaking a few minutes ago, unbeknownst to you. She realized you weren’t talking when she accidentally blurted something about herself to you which you usually would’ve had a bigger reaction to. You realized she had stopped talking when Nancy sat down across from you, blocking your vision. Nancy switched her wide eyes and unreadable expression between you and Robin, noting the silence. “It’s quiet here” she paused, “why?”

Suddenly you felt eyes burning through your left temple. You looked over seeing Robin almost glaring at you, but mostly amused. A beat passed when she looks over to Nancy and says, “Well Y/N over here can’t stop staring at Eddie. It’s worse than normal today.”

Nancy smirked, newly aware of your little crush on the school’s resident Freak. “You’ve got it bad, girl,’ she stated. You rolled your eyes because it’s not like you didn’t know. He only takes up about 75% of your brain and most of your nightly routines.

Robin tapped your arm, getting your attention. “Have you ever even spoken to him?”

“How am I supposed to do that? A party?” You shook your head pitifully. Not in the three years where you had this little crush did you ever utter a word. You had two classes with him, both where you sat in front of him, not able to catch a glance without being obvious. You always turned towards him when you got the chance. How were you supposed to talk to him other than a drug deal or walking up to his table? Seeing him at a party just wasn’t an option. You aren’t a weed kind of girl, and walking up to his table sounded like fun if you valued public humiliation.

You zoned out again, nibbling on your thumb. It was a nervous habit. You looked down at your lunch, stomach grumbling but appetite little. Your sandwich looked like spacefood. Unappetizing and only clumps of matter built for sustenance but with no taste. You looked up at Nancy, she had a look on her face, but you knew this look. She was figuring something out. This concerned you far too much. Nancy’s mind is not a force to be reckoned with. “What’s on your mind, Nancy?”

She paused and looked at Robin, then at you. “I have to pick up Mike and his friends from their Hellfire club this week. It usually goes a decent amount over their time frame and I have to barge in and get their asses in gear. Do you want to join me tomorrow? Might be a chance to actually talk to him.”

You glanced at Eddie, his smile wide, standing at the head of the table and making a grand degree which you do not hear. You can only hear your heartbeat pulsing hard at the mere opportunity to speak to him. If you ever go on a date with him how the hell are you going to say anything? Once or twice he has caught you staring and you look down immediately upon eyecontact. That eye contact alone makes you kick your feet and giggle in your bed.

You looked back at Nancy and Robin, dejected. “How am I supposed to talk to him? This is a fantasy. He wouldn’t want someone shy and spending three years liking him. Look at him.”

You felt a sharp pain in your left upper arm. Robin pinched your arm, hard. “Hey! Snap out of it.” You looked to her, startled yet curious. “Last year you beat the shit out of a Russian and the year before that you smacked that demodog thing that Dustin had a new one. Stop! Devaluing! Yourself!” For emphasis, she pinches you again three more times on each word.  

You looked at Nancy. You smiled close mouthed and rubbed your now sore arm, thankful for friends who can kick you in the ass when you need it. “I-I’ll come with you, Nance. Thank you for thinking of this.”

Nancy smiles, finishing her lunch. Robin’s lunch is finished, sat empty in front of her. You still haven’t eaten, and you’re still too queasy for it. It might be worse now that you have the actual opportunity you need. You drank some water hoping it would last you through the day.

Robin hitched her breath and giggled. “Nance, I think she’ll be even more nervous now. I’m not sure how she’ll last through her shift tonight.” Your eyes widen, you forgot you worked tonight. You pushed your tray forward and let your forehead land on the table. You are screwed.

School passed by quick enough. You hated math, the one subject you knew Eddie passed the first time in his attempt at senior year. Where do invisible numbers get off by being in a place where they do not belong? World geography was shitty enough but at least when you had the opportunity you could grab a glance of him, bored out of his mind, a notebook in front of him for once. It looked like this year he might actually pass. Secretly, you hoped he had someone to help him. At the end of your last period sans Eddie (you’re pretty sure it was his free period), you stretch you arms up and hard, knowing you’ll need to be at work in two hours.

You grabbed your homework and ran to your shitty ten year old beat up old green honda. Your parents surprised you for your 16th birthday. Surprised was the definition of your reaction. Growing up you were told not to expect a car for any birthdays. If you wanted something, you earned it. (The reason for your job). Despite them beating the very idea into your noggin for 15 and a half years, they surprised you. Any money you had saved for a car is now into a college fund. Your parents were kind of rad.

You stopped by your house to grab something hopefully to eat since you cant take the hunger pains anymore despite your nausea. When peering into the fridge, you noticed a small salad in Tupperware that your mom put away probably wanting to eat later. Most food stored tupperwares in your family were used but not taken advantage of, so you knew she wouldn’t see a loss if you ate it. The first bite was hard but worth it. Nausea damned, you needed something at least before work. Eddie had such power over you, the man with the leather and the rings and the eccentric personality, that you were in your kitchen standing in front of your fridge, tentatively chewing at a salad.

You only ate half. You had a feeling you’d be throwing it up soon out of nerves. After pitifully throwing the salad back into the fridge you wandered around the house for half an hour, thankful no one was home. Your mom knew you have a crush. Whenever boys are brought up at home in front of your mom you blush and keep your mouth closed. It’s been like this since she asked on the third day of Freshman year. Now being senior year, your mom was growing concerned about your lack of ability to talk to someone you liked. She’d hoped you grew out of it.

Anxiety told you otherwise. Anxiety told you not to do it. Anxiety told you that if you ever asked him out he would laugh in your face, or worse just let you down gently. Anxiety, is a bitch.

One thing Anxiety did do, was speed up time for you. One great thing out of a million terrible things. After your pacing around you grabbed your uniform to put on and drove early to start your shift at the video store. Ding dong.

In the middle of a conversation with Robyn who started early tonight, steve was talking animatedly about a date with yet another girl he met at the video store. “I think she’s it, I think she’s the one!’ Steve exclaimed his hands making big gestures.

You walked in their conversation with your bag over your shoulder, feeling more relaxed that you have a four hour shift tonight and you can focus on that. “Steve didn’t you say that about Stacy Lumbar last week? How many times are you going to meet the one, cause at this rate we won’t have anymore room for your engagement rings at the back.”

Steve “accidentally” bumped into you as you walked to the back, forcing you to bump into a stack. “That was your own fault!” You exclaim, running to the back bathroom.

You clocked in early, knowing Keith would have your head. Whatever, you’ll clock out five minutes early to avoid overtime bullshit.

Robin greeted you sweetly as you walked in, a hint of smug behind her eyes. “Hello, sweetness! How you feelin?”

You squinted at her, she knew how you were. “I hate you.” She  shot you a big smile, knowing you didn’t mean anything by it.

Steve looked between you and Robin while simultaneously putting the videos away. “What do you mean, is something wrong with her?”

“Oh she’s just nervous because Nance is forcing her to talk to Eddie tomorrow,” she says, light as a feather. The mention of his name made you nauseous again, the salad stuck in your throat.

Steve, in such a Steve-like manner, asks, “Wait, Robin I thought you said-“

“Steve! Zip-it!” Robin shouts, using a quick zipper motion over her mouth.

“Oh shit.” Steve says, then walks away from you like nothing happened.

You look between your two co-workers, knowing them well enough to know that they aren’t telling you something. “What just happened,” you say as you shake your head. They both say nothing, sharing a quiet conversation.

Here’s what you don’t know.

When Nancy was thinking to herself, she didn’t think of a simple solution such as bringing you to Hellfire. She was going to do that this week without even telling you. Her second solution was to send Eddie to your work place, effectively trapping you. After leaving the lunch table, Nancy did a quick round before arriving to her class five minutes late. She’s a Straight-A student, most teachers give her flack for it.

She ran into Mike when he left his table, asking him to ask Eddie to pick up a certain movie from the store. Nancy specifically told Mike to tell Eddie to pick up the specific movie at 5:30 because the movie will be returned by another patron around 5:15. Biggest movie of the year, impossible to get. Mike was confused to why he had to listen to Nancy, and Nancy simply gestured her head to you, dumping your entire lunch remains on into the garbage.

You and Mike don’t talk much. Most times you communicate is when most of your lives are in danger. Mike does know you really like Eddie (he didn’t know how long). Mike looked back to his sister, his face incredulous. “Yeah whatever any other reason?”

Nancy huffed and rolled her eyes. “I’ll do your math homework for a week. Ninth grade math was easy beans.”

Mike smirked in the way only little brothers can. “Oh I would’ve done it for Y/N. But sure that works.” Nancy shoved him, walking off to the payphone to give Steve a call.

Yeah. Nancy Wheeler loves you you to the point where she will purposely call an ex.  

“Video store, no, we don’t have x movie.” Steve answered, bored at his slow day at work.

“Hey Steve it’s me,” she says out of breath from fast walking to the payphone. “Can you and Robin take a break around 5:30 for me? I’m getting Eddie to stop by the store today.”

She could hear the smirk Steve gave over the phone. “Nancy Wheeler you are a genius. I will absolutely do that.”

She hung up the phone without saying bye, and ran off to her class, just missing the final bell. It was all set into motion, assuming Mike would ask Eddie.

-

“No.” Eddie said, eyes dark and arms crossed.

“Please!” Mike pleaded knowing he looked like a dork.

Eddie stood up from leaning his ass on the table with his legs crossed at the ankles. “Listen to this. Fuck no.”

Mike huffed exasperated, knowing he would have to do Eddie a favour in order for him to get him to do this.

“Why can’t big sister Wheeler drive you?” He asked, side-eying Mike.

Mike bit his lip, thinking quickly on the spot. “Nance has to watch our little sister tonight so she can’t drive me, and I have to do my chores.”  Eddie mocked him silently, almost impersonating DeNiro. “If you do this, I-I’ll do your deals for three days. No a week!”

Eddie softened at his and put his hands out. “Whoa whoa, Wheeler you don’t have to do that. Deals are easy money, but you can get caught. I’m not risking that for you, you’re only a freshman.” Eddie paused, a gentle look on his face that Mike rarely sees. “Is this fucking movie really that important?”

Mike nodded. “It’s been out at the movie store for literal weeks. This might be the only chance I can get it.”

Eddie had a soft spot for him, Dustin, and Lucas. Mike knew this. Eddie slouched back onto the DnD table, finally giving in to what Mike was asking. “Yeah, sure ya Twerp. I’ll pick it up for you.”

Mike felt a large wave of relief rushing over him. Eddie didn’t give in very often. This was a win.

-

Why the fuck was Mike asking him to pick up this goddamn movie? It’s not like he didn’t know anyone else who could drive. Didn’t he know Harrington who worked there? Couldn’t Harrington just save it for him? Why the fuck specifically 5:30? Ugh. Eddie couldn’t wait to go home, smoke a little, and get this headache out and spend time with his guitar.

He shrugged his shoulders after Mike triumphantly walked away from him, chuckling at his new commitment. He let his scowl fade and sat down at his throne in the DnD room, alone with his thoughts. He caught you staring again today, and he wasn’t one thousand percent sure what to make of it. Did you think he was weird? Did you like him (not possible)? Did you just stare into space? Eddie didn’t know what to make of it, but he has caught you three times this week, each of them he’s not even sure you realized.

He wondered what a pretty girl could be staring at him for, and if it was a cruel prank. There was no way anyone as pretty as you would be staring because they liked him. That wasn’t possible for the next 8 months. When he finally gets out of Hawkins and no one knows about his Freak status maybe someone will like him.

Sure, he noticed you when you weren’t staring. The way your hair framed your face, your lips pursed when you were concentrating, or when you were laughing with your friends at your lunch table with your nose crinkled. You were stunning. Breathtaking, even.

Eddie stood up to stretch, his white shirt exposing a strip of his trail. He checked his watch, seeing 5:10 and decided he should head out, even though he usually drove fast. The radio was loud and on the Rock Station, as usual, drumming out to some Guns n Roses. He hit a few early red lights, cringing and hoping no cop was around. His route was taking longer than usual today, and it was 5:28.

He swerved into the parking lot of the video store, double parking. He was right on time. With a hint of his swagger and charm, he strutted into the store, taking his sunglasses off when the bell rang.

Looking around for Harrington, but instead found you. Only you, at the front counter.

He didn’t know you worked here. Now he was a little nervous.

Shit.

-

Your shift started out pretty normally. Robin and Steve were arguing as per usual on the evening movie when Robin looks at the time and taps it twice to Steve. Steve nods and looks at you. You were confused to what their silent conversation was about, remembering the one they had earlier. What were they on today. She knows she was just nervous but what the hell was wrong with them?

You were about to continue putting returned movies back when Steve approaches you. “Hey, Y/N listen Robin and I are going to take our breaks at the same time since it’s really slow right now. Can you just stay at the front desk and man the store for 15?”

You blinked, confused. “What do you mean you’re taking your breaks at the same time? You’re seriously going to leave me alone? What about the rush hour crowd?” You were already on edge today, this wasn’t helping.

Steve put his left arm on your right shoulder somewhat harder than necessary. “I believe in you.” Before you could argue any longer, he and Robin rushed to the back as if there were a fire. Please let there be a fire; you literally just wanted to go home.

You walked up to the front, noting the time on your watch. It was 5:30. You sighed. Only 3 and a half hours to go… You lied your head on the computer for half a second when the bell rang. You looked over, and you swear your jaw dropped. Eddie.

Eddie was there, taking off his sunglasses and scanning the store until he found you. You weren’t sure why he scanned it, but it still made you smile. When he saw you, you almost saw a familiarity in his eyes, as if he knew who you were. You were positive he doesn’t.

He took his time, strutting to the counter. Little did you know, he was fucking panicking. His heart was racing out of his chest but he was playing it cool. He hoped.

You tried to relax yourself, feeling your salad coming up again. “Hi, Munson,” you said feeling weird about being so formal. “Can I help you?”

He stopped at the counter, looking over you. “Uh yeah, doesn’t Harrington work here?” he asked, giving the store another scan.

You were taken aback by this. “Uh yeah, he and my other coworker insisted on taking their breaks right now. So, it’s just me.”

He didn’t think you were just you. “Well, just you. I’m here picking up a movie for Wheeler.”

You pushed your eyebrows together. “Mike?”

He nodded vigorously, his sunglasses falling off of his head. “Yep, that’s the one.”

When his sunglasses fell off, you couldn’t help a giggle pop out of your mouth. He would do anything to make it happen again. He leaned onto the counter, grabbing them. You had to take a moment, suddenly being able to smell him. You’ve never been this close before. He smelled like pine, cologne, mint toothpaste, and weed. It was literally perfect. His hands were folded in front of himself on the counter, ringed hand over the one with a ring on this thumb. You were both shaking and turned on. This was a great day. You don’t know how long you lingered, but you shook out of it and leant down to your saved returns.

There was one labelled in all caps MIKE. Oh thank god it was there. “Oh this movie is always gone.” You bent back up to enter it into the computer, unaware that he was now returning the favour you gave him two minutes ago.

He was not being subtle about it. Since you’ve never seen him so close, he’s never seen you so close. He took in the way your eye colour just seemed to be the perfect colour, the faint smell of lilac on your uniform from your detergent, and the way you were nibbling on your thumb again. He may have leaned down to grab his sunglasses but now he was resting on his arms.

You finished entering it, and looked at him asking, “How long do you want to rent it for?”

“Pfft” Eddie said. “I totally forgot to ask Wheeler. Let’s say 48 hours.”  

You furrowed your brow. “You sure? Don’t you have your DnD campaign tomorrow? When is he going to have time to watch it?” He was taken aback, not realizing you knew when his club met.

“Shit, make it 3 days then,” he says, putting his hands up as if he didn’t care. You smile at him, hopefully not too wide. He smiled back when you turned back to the computer, the lines down his cheeks prominent. Too bad you missed it, you lived for his smile. When you missed it, he just looked down wondering what the hell he was supposed to do.

“Ok, that’ll be 2.89 for the weekend, then.” You look at him.

He scrownged into his pockets. First his vest, then his leather jacket, then his jeans. That’s fine he can take his time. You’ll just patiently wait. And watch. “Aha!” He said loudly, scaring you. “Here, and sorry”

You said it was fine, your heart beating out of its chest. You knew he was loud. You just never heard him this close before.

He put five dollars on the counter. You grabbed the bill to give him change before he says. “Oh keep the change. I don’t like coins.”

You scrunched up your nose, “Why not?”

He shrugged. “Drug dealer. Only like cash. I don’t use coins very often, anyway.”

You were talking to him. You were making a conversation with Eddie Munson, and he tipped you. You were talking to Eddie fucking Munson. You wanted it to keep going. “You-you’re not what I thought you’d be.” That’s true, he’s much better than you thought. You just wanted to give him the satisfaction of not being called a freak. You hated that term.

He chuckled without humor tossing his hair out of his way. “What were you expecting, Eddie the Freak?” he sticks his tongue out, but you could tell your heart wasn’t in it.

You shook your head vigorously, not wanting to be misunderstood. “No, not at all. You’re not a freak.” You paused. “I was expecting a little more drama maybe, but not a freak.”

Not a freak, you said. Not a freak. Eddie gave a genuine smile, and took the tape off of the counter. “Thanks, Y/N. That meant a lot.” He was backing up to leave when you interrupted him.

You weren’t ready for him to leave. Also how the fuck did he know your name? “Wait,” he paused exactly how he was, and slowly turned around, “you know my name?” you asked, too taken aback to laugh at his dramatics.

Eddie bounced to a normal stance and walked a few steps back towards you. “Yeah, you’re in two of my classes.” He paused, almost hesitating. You don’t think you’ve seen him hesitate. “Plus…” he takes a breath, “I catch you staring once in a while.”

Your eyes go big, your mouth dries. Your salad feels like its travelling back up from wence it came. You gulped, somewhat audibly. “Y-you do?”

Eddie shrugs. “I mean I’m not mad, I catch lots of people staring for different reasons. Yours never seems hateful though…” he let the sentence fade out his eyes looking off. “Why do you stare? Also why do you do that?”

You avoided the first question at the first chance. “Do what?”

He pointed at your thumb in your mouth. “That.”

You looked you were nibbling on your thumb again. Shit. “Uh nervous habit,” you say putting your thumb down.

He stared at you, VHS in one hand, glasses in the other. He used his head to move one side of his long curly hair behind his shoulder. “You’re not answering my other question. Why do you stare?”

It was a pregnant pause. You could tell he wasn’t being cruel. He was just curious. You’ve seen him when his club members say some shit he doesn’t like and his eyes go dark. His eyes were light brown right now. They were gorgeous. You fiddled with your fingers, not wanting to answer this right now.

You heard a sigh and looked back up to face the man that has haunted you for three years. “Listen if you don’t want to answer, I get that. But next time I catch you I’m going to wave. I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

“Nancy Wheeler is picking her brother up from Hellfire Club tomorrow. I’m coming with her, we’re hanging out tomorrow night. See you then, too?”

Eddie licked his lips and scratched his nose. You could almost see a smile on his face. “Yeah. See you then.” He opened up both doors and jogged to his van. You checked the time, it was 5:50. You were talking to Eddie for 20 minutes.

You were talking. With words. To Eddie Munson. For twenty. Minutes.

Wait if it’s been twenty minutes where were Robin and Steve?

“Robin, Steve?” You shouted to the back. “Your break is five minutes over get back here!” You leaned over the counter, almost hoping you could get that scent back. It wasn’t there but you were smiling. A lot.

“You did so good!” Robin comes from the back, her arms open wide and mouth in a big open smile. She hugs you tight and jumps up and down.

You scrunch your face up, getting out of her hug. “What do you mean I did so good?” You look to Steve, who looks more smug than normal. Which you thought was impossible. “What the hell does that mean?”

Robin did a little hip dance, almost falling over. “We set you up.” She says her voice cracking as she stumbles. “We made sure Eddie came here today while you were alone! Now you have talked to him!”

Steve put his hand one on of his hips, looking at you with what you think might be pity. “Wait you’ve never spoken to him? And you’ve liked him for three years?”

You glared at Steve, giving a warning sign. You might be shy, but your face says some words. “No, Steve, we can’t all ask people out when we want.”

Steve now put both hands on his hips, something he usually did with Dustin and them. “Hey, be nice. I’m looking for Mrs.Right. I know she’s out there somewhere. And I will be here when she needs to rent a movie.”

Robin pushed him to one side of the store with the return rack still there from when you were working on it. “Here. Work. Be useful.” Steve did, somewhat unergetically.

“So how did it go, how are you feeling?” Robin came to you, her eyes sparked like they usually are when gossip isn’t about her.

“Like I’m going to be sick” You say, holding your stomach. It was true, you might be excited you managed to not stumble through the whole comversation, but that didn’t stop your anxiety bubbling like you were boiling water. At least when you haven’t spoken to him you had a blank slate to leave a good impression. What kind of impression is it when you’re in a dorky uniform stumbling and biting your thumb?

Robin moved her head as if to ask more details. “Aaaand?”

You managed a smile. “Really excited.” Your stomach was also excited. You started to run to the bathroom, your nerves getting the worst of you. “Im going to be sick!”

When you were puking the one thing you ate today, Robin ran to Steve, unable to contain herself. “Holy shit did you see Munson? I’ve never seen him look that nice before.”

Steve nodded, putting the movies in place. “Yeah I noticed that. I’ve never seen his guard that down before, I’ll admit.” He finished the pile that was in his hands and looked to her. “At the same time, Robin he also might not be that tough. Let’s not read into it too much until Nance sees how tomorrow goes. She’s going to trap them again.”

Robin giggled and clapped her hands. She was giddy about drama that had nothing to do with her. “This will be so fun. If she reacts like this to talking I can’t wait until he asks her out.”

He looks back to where you were now flushing the toilet empathetically. “Poor thing will be out for a week.”

[jungkookslipring]

I Will Never Make You Lonely: CH 3

Summary: When your life is falling apart, your 8 best friends are there to lift you up

TW: mentions of de&th, su!c!de, su!c!de tendencies, su!c!dal ideologies, depress!on, anxiety, crying. If this is in any way triggering I’d steer towards more of my happier works. 

If you or someone you love has thought of or acted on suicide, there is help and there is hope 

Call or text 988

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, non-idol AU

PSA: this is no way represents the artists. While their birth names are used in this story, this is in no way a reflection of the artist or artists in real life.

AU: mentions of de&th are implied in this chapter, read at your own risk.

Ch 3

A few days later, you were in your room, double-checking to make sure you hadn't forgotten anything important. Minho, Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin came in early to bid you farewell and wished you a safe journey. They were sad that they couldn't accompany you as their schedules didn't permit them. Although you weren't going to be away for long, you were eagerly looking forward to your flight back to Seoul. As you packed your last-minute items such as your toothbrush, contact lenses, medication, etc., there was a soft knock at your door.

“Come in,” you answered. Changbin and Han peeked their heads in as the door slowly opened. They didn't have classes till later.

“Hey,” they greeted you with smiles.

“Hi,” you said. 

“You all packed up?” Han asked. You nodded.

“Yeah, just packed up the last-minute stuff,” you said pointing to your toiletry bag that sat on top of your backpack. Changbin stepped forward.

“Well before you go, I didn’t want you to leave without this,” he said as he pulled out a squishmallow he had behind his back. It was a large taro boba squishmallow. 

“What’s this?” you ask as you stare at it with adoration.

“We know you were talking about getting yourself one. We were going to give it to you on your birthday but decided maybe you needed it more now,” he said with a smile. You slowly accepted the squishmallow and you held it close. 

“You guys are amazing, thank you,” you say sincerely, pulling them both into a hug. They would truly do anything to help you feel better. When it was time to leave, you saw Chris walking out of his room with his favorite sweatshirt in hand, ready to give it to you. You folded it and put it in your backpack along with the squishmallow. The boys hugged you goodbye and you left. The ride to the airport was terrible and the flight was worse. While the flight itself was smooth as can be, you couldn't sleep for the 12-hour flight, despite trying everything from listening to music, podcasts, and the ASMR links that Felix sent you, but Chris's sweatshirt and squishmallow provided some comfort. You curled up with them, feeling the scent of Chris's cologne. When you landed at SEATAC, you messaged Peyton and the boys to let them know you made it back.

It's The Spamming For Me

Me: Just landed in SEATAC

They all must’ve had their phones surgically glued to their hands because they all responded immediately.

Father of 7: glad you made it safely!

Cowife: eat and sleep well y/n!

Twin: miss you already!

Disney Prince: sleep well y/n, see you soon

BBG: sending you so many hugs

Angel Baby: you’re already missed!

Minnie Mouse: THE APARTMENT IS CHAOS COME BACK NOW

It's just a Little Guy: we love you y/n

You giggled at their messages as you quickly responded. 

Me: I love you all too xoxo

After retrieving your bag, you headed towards the sky bridge that connects to the parking garage. Peyton was already there, waiting for you. Seeing only Peyton pick you up instead of her and Carter made your heart hurt, but you sucked it up and walked quickly over to Peyton. As soon as you were in each other’s arms, you could hear her sniffles, but you stayed strong for her. Peyton was Carter's only legal guardian, so you had to be there for her.

“How was your flight?” she sniffed as she helped you with your backpack. You shrugged.

“Fine, I guess…I didn’t exactly sleep,” you said scratching your neck. As you both walked towards the parking garage, she threw an arm around you. She then threw your backpack into the backseat before starting the engine. The drive to Peyton's place was quiet and uneventful. Once you arrived, you tossed your belongings onto the bed in the spare bedroom. While you were unpacking, Peyton walked in with two glasses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

“It probably isn’t ideal, but Carter would’ve done it for either of us,” she said with a slight smile. You snorted because yes, Carter would’ve 110% gotten plastered the night before either of their funerals. The two of you made your way to the balcony and plopped yourselves down on the couch. Even though you felt like crap, there was a gentle breeze and at least the stars were out, and the skyline was gorgeous.

“How have you been?” Peyton asked. You shrugged.

“It’s been a rollercoaster for sure,” you said, swirling your glass. Peyton nodded.

“But how about you?” you ask. You had no right to be feeling the way Peyton felt. That’s what you told yourself at least.

“I can’t bring myself to even sit in the living room sometimes,” she says looking down at her glass. You nodded; Carter used to always sleep on the couch when she’d stay the night, claiming it was comfier than Peyton’s bed. 

“I’m sure the guys have been there for you?” Peyton asked before sipping her wine. You smiled. 

“Yeah, they’ve been nothing but amazing. One night I had been up for almost 72 hours cause I couldn’t sleep and I was studying, but the guys got me to participate in our weekly Friday night movie marathon night, and I ended up getting a decent amount of sleep.” Peyton smiled at that. 

“It’s nice having friends like that,” she said genuinely; she was a little concerned though. She could sense you were distracting yourself more than just feeling the emotions. The thought of your boys made your heart sing.

“They’re the best…,” you said before taking a swig of your wine as Peyton watched.

“Damn down the hatch,” she says with a wet chuckle. 

You spent the rest of the night with your friend, sharing your favorite memories of Carter. It was a way to remember her, especially the stories you wouldn't dare tell at the funeral. The day of the funeral came around too quickly. You woke up feeling heavy-hearted, wrapped in Chris's hoodie, holding a plush toy close to your chest. It took all your strength to get out of bed and ready for the funeral. You couldn't believe you were preparing to say goodbye to your best friend.

You tried to remain composed for the sake of Carter's family. The funeral went by in a blur, and you were grateful there was no open casket. It helped you stay strong for everyone, but you couldn't help denying the fact that Carter was in that casket, about to be buried six feet under. You tried to push the thought out of your mind, but it kept coming back.

You let your friends know you needed to study at your apartment for a few days, but you'd be back soon. They understood and said you were always welcome to come back. When it was time for you to leave, you said goodbye to Peyton and sent a text to your friends to let them know you were heading home. You knew you couldn't stay in the States any longer without it feeling too real.

It's The Spamming For Me

Me: I’m heading home

Father of 7: have a safe flight y/n!

Twin: see you soon!

Disney Prince: xoxoxo!

BBG: Minho and I wish you safe travels!

Angel Baby: YAY! Get back safely, I need my cuddle buddy!

Minnie Mouse: Have a safe flight! Jeongin says hurry back and save him from Minho

The second you stepped foot in your place, it didn’t feel right. You pulled out your phone and dialed the first name in your contacts list.  

While he was in the shower, Chris’s phone started ringing.

“Hannie, can you grab that for me please?” Chris called out. Han grabbed the phone and checked who it was before answering. 

“Chris’s phone, his favorite child speaking,” Han joked, pretty proud of himself. 

“Yah!” Chris scolded but with a big smile plastered on his face. You snorted.

“Felix?” You said biting your lip trying not to laugh. Han’s eyes went huge. 

“YAH!” He yelled even louder. Chris laughed as he did his best not to get water in his eyes from leaning so far back. You shook your head.

“Can I come over? I was going to study at my place but I need a change of scenery,” you say playing with your shirt.

“You don’t have to ask y/n, you're always welcome,” Han said sincerely. You smiled at that.

“Okay, I’ll see you guys soon then!” You said enthusiastically. 

“See you soon!” He said before hanging up. He set the phone down and looked at Chris. 

“Y/n is coming over so get unnaked,” he said jokingly before going to open the door. Chris laughed.

“She lives 10 min from us. I think I have time!” Chris shouted back with a big smile on his face. You kept your composure when you walked in, despite the lump in your throat upon opening their door. All of the boys greeted and chatted with you briefly before you retreated to your room. Instead of unpacking and relaxing, you decided to work on your computer. Despite not getting any sleep on the flight, you felt that you should be productive. It was around 9 pm, and although you were exhausted, you didn't want to think about the funeral. While reading case studies, you came across one that deeply affected you. It made your heartache. This particular case study caused one of the subjects to take their own life because of the trauma they went through. Once you were about to finish writing a sentence, you got a call from Carter’s sister. 

“Hey Peyton,” you say as you continue typing. You heard sniffling on the other line.

“Pey? Shit did I forget to let you know I made it back??” You ask. You heard her take a shaky exhale before speaking. 

“No no, you did…um…I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it. Y/n…Carter’s death wasn’t an accident,” she choked out. Your eyes went huge.

“What do you mean?” You ask frantically. You were hoping with every fiber of your being it wasn’t what you thought it was.

“I was sitting in her room and I…I found a letter…” and your heart stopped.

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