#y’all really left us on a cliffhanger like that

[minkdelovely]

love and power

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

chapter eight

“i want everything i asked for.”

Alastor x Fem!Reader ; MDNI 18+ ; [y/n] used sparingly ; Alias in Hell is Sylvie

tags/warnings: ‘fuck it, do him scared!’ or whatever the saying is, no plot cuz y’all have had enough of that, pheromones are putting in work cuz you have heart eyes, y’all are touch-starved and pent up, half-transformation demon alastor (i hope that makes sense lol), implied demon alastor, little bit of angst or even hurt/comfort at the end? 🥲 smut: clothes ripping, scratching, oral sex (fem receiving), fingering, slight degradation & praise kink dynamics, blood play & biting, handjob, orgasm denial, cream pie

word count: 6.6k *maniacal laughter*

author’s note: it wouldn’t be right to start this off without a formal apology for the cliffhanger and then, subsequently, the publishing delay 🥲✨ this ended up being more of a labor of love than i had expected; i just seemed to have such bad luck, this week of all weeks. thank you for your patience, and i hope this makes up for it! @hazelfoureyes one of these days i’ll have some more for you, but until then darling, you ever so kindly ‘asked’ me for smut so… 💅🏻💖

prelude ; chapter one ; chapter two ; chapter three ; chapter four ; chapter five ; chapter six ; chapter seven ; chapter eight

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Alastor meant for it to be chaste, really he did. And while he had desperately hoped for acceptance, the ardor with which you returned the kiss was unexpected. The grip of your hands around his wrists was fierce, pulling him in; fingers like sticky fibers against the patch of bare skin nestled between his gloves and the cuff of his shirt. 

So you were hungry, too… He couldn’t help but smile against your mouth at the thought. 

Finally, his luck was turning around.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

When you offered your help to Alastor, a kiss was the last thing you ever expected. 

Actually, you had been fully prepared for him to hurt you somehow, whether it was his intention or not. He had gotten upset so quickly, you assumed it must have been residual animosity from the meeting with Valentino that he could no longer contain. The more you thought about it, you truly understood how degraded he must have been by the whole affair, filling you with a guilt you worried might never go away. He needed a victory.

So offering your help was the least you could do.

But you never could have imagined the way he took your face in his strong hands, holding you with such care despite the intensity roiling off him in his half-formed demonic state. The strain on his face as he struggled to compose himself, his eyes switching back from black with red dials to that familiar searing red. The storming hunger you saw in them, half-lidded, as he closed the gap between you…

Your mind was practically rendered blank, running on instinct; the warm ache throbbing between your hips quickly taking up any remaining space that was left.

His mouth was softer than you expected but his press against you was firm and wickedly practiced. You felt him smile against you and for a moment you forgot to breathe, the resulting gasp being the perfect opportunity for Alastor’s tongue to snake into your mouth. If your eyes hadn’t already been closed, they would have rolled to the back of your head. His tongue was soft and big and hot, his movements steady and filled with purpose; not a drop of wasted effort. You could only hope to keep up…

It was such arduous work keeping your hands at his wrists, floored by the intense desire you had to reach out and touch him. But you didn’t know your limits here. He was still riled up — if anything, you had heard his antlers grow — and you didn’t want to make any wrong moves.

So you put all your longing into the grip of your fingers and mouth, your mind wandering on the feeling of him. Large, elegant hands cupping your face like glass. His body looming over you, offering shelter you were more than willing to accept. His mouth so hot against yours it would leave you feeling cold once it was gone. And he smelled so good this close, smoky and verdant like a bonfire on a crisp autumn night. 

Your thighs rubbed together from the pulse radiating there, and he let out a small groan against your mouth as your nails absently dug into the skin of his wrists. The sound of him simultaneously made your legs weak and fanned the flame between them. His voice had always been nice — he didn’t build a career for himself on the radio for nothing — but you felt a growing fear at the aspect of never hearing something like that again after he was sated; knowing that no matter what it would haunt you for eternity. 

I really am so fucked…

He was pecking now, his breath and teeth and tongue ghosting over your swollen mouth and face as he feverishly placed multiple at a time. You wanted to reciprocate so badly, whether with your lips or hands, but it was clear he needed to ravish you first so you stayed put in a shocking exhibit of will-power. But when you felt the tug of his teeth against the corner of your jaw you couldn’t stop the shaky moan that escaped you, not even noticing how your hips rolled on nothing but air.

That’s all it took. 

Alastor pulled away and gave a quick kiss to your hands before dropping them to take up the torn fabric of your collar. He gave it a sharp pull, tearing your dress straight through to the waist; the sound ringing out in the quiet of your room with the promise of what’s to come. You were too stunned by the suddenness of the action, but the look on your face must have really been something if the expression you were seeing on his was any indication — ravenous and wild. 

Your chest heaved with quickening breath, heartbeat kicking and head empty as you felt all the blood in your body rushing down. Too overwhelmed by the intensity of it all, you dared to bury your face in his chest, grateful to be just tall enough to reach. Mortifying as it was, it was all you could think to do. 

Though safety wasn’t the only thing you found, pressing in so close to him like this, your throat going dry at the feeling of his arousal against you. No amount of time or experience could have prepared you for this, for him. You were beginning to think that there would be nothing left once he was through with you.

Just need a minute…

Mercifully, he let you. Even going so far as to cradle you against him, cupping the back of your head with his left hand. You relaxed into him, a hot puff of air leaving your mouth to soak into the fabric of his clothes. Alastor’s pleased hum in response vibrated against your face, and you brought your hands up to grip the lapels of his coat for fear of crumbling at his feet.

As you steeled yourself, he didn’t desist from his poking and prodding at your exposed back with his free hand. It disappeared briefly, followed by the faint sound of something falling to the carpet before the air was ripped from your lungs at the touch of his hot, bare skin against yours. You whined into his chest as your back arched against his palm, your fingers nearly ripping through his coat with the force of your grip, earning a gruff and sinister chuckle from him. Being able to bask in the feeling of the rumble in his chest against you was a lovely consolation, though. And just under that… his heartbeat. 

His hand against your back regained your attention then, scratching and massaging at its leisure; nails tracing indistinguishable shapes along your skin. Traveling up and down your spine at first, then your shoulders and, finally, the back of your neck where he paused. 

His message read loud and clear: time was up. 

Alastor pulled you away from him with a gentle firmness, managing to handle you delicately despite his clear desire for haste. You could see it burning in his eyes with no intent to extinguish any time soon. He was so mystifying like this, you couldn’t help but drink him in. Stately, powerful… beautiful. It felt impossible now to have ever been afraid of him in this state of half-transformation. He didn’t seem to mind the admiration, soft smile and lust-heavy eyes radiating with ego.

His antlers look so handsome when they’re branched out like this…

“Shouldn’t you have offered to take my coat by now? I’m your guest, aren’t I?” he teased as he swiped your dumbstruck mouth with the pad of his thumb. The filter dipped in and out over his quiet, low tone of voice, sending a fresh wave of heat to your core and cheeks as you fought the urge to nuzzle your face against his bare hand. How had he already reduced you to this? “But I suppose I haven’t been well-mannered myself. Just look at what’s become of your dress.”

His face was smug as he played with the decimated fabric, fingers dancing across your exposed neck and shoulders before pulling down the long sleeves. They had been the glue, apparently, your dress falling past your hips with ease and into a heap on the floor in near silence. Goosebumps pricked your skin as you stood before him in your underwear, already feeling naked as he took you in. You noticed him focus in on your shoulder and neck, the draw of his eyebrows confirming your earlier suspicion that he had left a bruise.

“It’s fine, it didn’t hurt,” you lied self-consciously, unable to keep the nerves out of your voice. It sounded like an apology. He hadn’t meant it and in the grand scheme of things was a bruise really so bad? It would be gone before you knew it.

He didn’t seem convinced, a sound of disapproval coming from behind his closed lips before a smile took its place. “Hmm… if you say so. Perhaps a kiss to make it better?”

Alastor wasted no time leaning down to place his mouth there, and you sighed as the heat of his wide, wet tongue swiped over it before he closed his lips with a small smack. As he nuzzled in — kissing, licking, sucking, nipping — your shaky fingers took to the task of unbuttoning his coat as he had suggested. The action earning you a growl and a bite, not yet enough to break the skin but taking your breath away all the same; the fire in your belly now flickering up into your chest.

Once the coat was loose you ran your hands under it, starting near his waist to travel up his chest until you reached his broad shoulders. Was he the one who was so hot, or was it you? It was impossible to tell. You used the top of your hands to start working the coat off of him, and he paused from his effort at your neck to assist with removing his arms from it before tossing it off to the side — his remaining glove along with it. You caught sight of the saliva glistening around his mouth and chin before he resumed his station and didn’t even try to hold back the soft moan that escaped you.

What was the point?

With a snarl — that was the closest thing you could think to call it — his hands hooked behind your knees and hiked you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around him for purchase as you gasped. Alastor’s mouth found yours again and you held his face to keep steady as you hunched over him, tears forming at the corner of your closed eyes from the relief of being able to touch him this time.

This kiss wasn’t as poised as the first had been. It was hurried and open-mouthed, messy and deep. Not enough, not enough, not enough. You broke away this time, seizing your opportunity to explore his face with your lips as he had yours. His claws bit into the flesh of your ass as your mouth latched onto his neck, sucking at the pulse you found there. The resulting buck of your hips from the action and the moan he let out only pulling another from both of you.

You didn’t even notice that he had been walking until you were suddenly tossed onto the bed, his body immediately caging you in beneath him. You hooked your legs around him as he ground into you, your cry of pleasure from the friction echoing off the walls. He did it again and you whined, squirming, his hands on either side of your head as he leered down; red eyes glowing with satisfaction.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Alastor took a moment to take in the sight before him, feeling his eyes glitch as he roamed over your flushed face, but made quick work of grabbing it with one hand to pucker your mouth before returning to explore it with his tongue.

It surprised him how much he was enjoying this; kissing you with abandon, somehow never scratching the incessant itch despite his efforts. He captured your bottom lip with his teeth, resiliently managing not to bite straight through it as you moaned into his mouth.

“Alastor…!” 

His name was a song on your breath, scorching down from his ears to his cock, all of which reacted with a twitch.

One string loose. 

How many more would he need to cut before you went slack?

Who had bound you up like this in the first place? It certainly hadn’t been him. On the contrary, he was so eager to see you torn open and bare, stripped of all the little secrets tangled like knots on your tether to him. Always keeping your guard up around him wasn’t only irritating… it was selfish. And there was only one of you here allowed that luxury. 

Still, this was quite the consolation prize, seeing you surrender to him so easily. He had barely gotten started and you were already making such a pretty face for him; a new favorite, even. Your little pout that normally inspired vexation looked sweet like this, swollen with his kisses. It was an image he would soon not forget, being so much better than what he had imagined.

Your scent had truly blossomed now, dizzying him with the potency of its floral, nutty musk; just a hint of sweetness underneath. It complimented his own smoky, green, and bitter scent so well. But Alastor was ready to make his next new discovery, his hips finally lifting away from you as he gave you a final peck on the mouth.

“Hmmm, delicious as your mouth is, there’s another place I’m quite eager to kiss.” He could feel the wickedness on his face as he said it, unable to contain the static that flared around him as you breathed out a curse, body trembling.

Alastor made a slow descent, teasing you with licks and bites and kisses to draw out as many moans and whimpers as he could from you. Such music you made for him. Only for him. It was a good thing he had already resolved to avoid sleep as much as he could in the future; he wouldn’t get much anyway with the sounds you made ringing in his head like church bells.

He could see the damp soaked into your underwear before he even touched them, already intoxicated by the smell and heat wafting off your core. He’d have to be careful here… not an easy task, but he’d manage. The self-advised warning did little to stop him from tearing the garment in half with ease, enjoying the wide-eyed look you gave him as you quickly propped up on your elbows from the sound.

“I’d apologize for frightening you, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t mean it,” he said, holding your gaze as he palmed your bare sex, thrilled by how wet you already were. You were having such a hard time keeping your composure, serving only to egg him on. He hummed and continued, almost surprised by the words that came out of his mouth, “You don’t seem to mind, though… how lewd.”

Your head fell back with a loud whine, arms giving out so that you were flat on your back again; face scarlet as his fingers moved against you, collecting your arousal. His dick throbbed against him at the sight, leaking onto his skin and clothes. He couldn’t help the hiss that spilled from between his teeth when he tested you with his middle finger, tight as you were wet.

“Oh my… it’s been a while for you too, hm? I’m honored,” he cooed, relishing the way you whimpered and clenched at his words. “I do worry how you’ll fare… Contrary to the restraint I’ve shown so far, I must warn you… I don’t have the capacity for gentleness today.”

Your eyes shot open with shock, and with that he removed his finger and brought it up, putting the entirety of it in his mouth to suck you off as you watched. His eyes closed in pleasure, groaning as his tongue lapped up every bit of you, savoring every second. Clean and tart… like a ripe summer cherry. He couldn’t stop the bit of drool that escaped the corner of his mouth, the rush of saliva incensed by your taste coming on too quickly to swallow it all.

Alastor was breathing hard through his nose, a fresh wave of hunger — he wasn’t sure what else to call it — trembling through him with a fierce burning need. His smile and voice were sharp, static fraying as he spoke, “Hmmm… My imagination wasn’t even close. Aiming to please, dear?”

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

His fascination with licking you off him would be your second-death. Not only that, but you hadn’t expected him to say any of the obscene things that were spilling from his mouth, let alone the way you were responding to them. You had been subject to dirty talk before and enjoyed it (if done well), but… there was just something about it all coming from Alastor that set your veins on fire.

“Alastor, please, it’s embarrassing,” you pleaded through gasps, watching through half-open eyes as he licked away at his hand. You felt as if you had a fever, your face was so hot, hair already beginning to stick to your forehead with sweat.

As if falling on deaf ears, he merely proceeded to give a sharp tug to his bowtie, removing it in one go before unbuttoning his shirt. Something about the harsh way he pulled his shirt from the belted waist of his pants made you dizzy, but you felt a scream die in your throat watching the way his shoulders and chest moved as he freed his arms, with just the slightest flex of his abdomen; your eyes unable to resist following the trail of hair below his navel that disappeared under his belt.

You had made peace with your budding attraction to him — it was easier that way, considering your near-constant state of proximity — but this felt like being tossed directly into the fire.

Burning at the stake.

As he towered over you, you took in the large, pink scar lacerated across his chest from left shoulder to the right side of his ribcage. There had been mentions of the battle against Adam and his Exorcists within the group; how terrifying it had been, how brave everyone was. The loss of their friend Sir Pentious, who had died trying to help protect them against Adam. That was when the conversation normally tapered off, the grief still too close at his loss, but also because of what led up to it.

From what you understood, Adam had been Alastor’s appointed target to handle. One he was unmatched against, if the scar was any indication. A killing blow he had managed to survive. You hoped the pity you felt wasn’t making its way into your gaze as you looked at him, knowing he’d dislike it. Still… You sat up with hands stretched out, the instinct to touch and comfort him too strong to fight. But he pushed you back down, a shadow coming over his face as bent over you. 

“Patience, sweetheart. I still owe you a kiss.”

You didn’t have time to process the dismissal before he raked his nails on your skin as he dipped down, your back arching up to meet them as you breathed through the small sting of pain. A splash of sobriety hit you as you felt the heat of his breath hovering over your cunt, your stomach tight as he moved closer, a wanton cry as he finally lapped at you with his tongue; a slow, wide, firm sweep from hole to clit. Sealed with a kiss, as promised.

You shuddered and gripped the duvet as if your life depended on it. The image of him nestled between your legs making your brain short-circuit. His eyes were shrouded with a predation that should have terrified you. So why did it thrill you instead?

 “Oh my god…”

That wicked grin of his…

“Last I checked, Hell is the absence of God. Let’s try again, shall we?” 

He hiked your legs over his shoulders, looped his arms around to grab the top of your thighs, and pulled you to his mouth. You saw white as he wasted no time in setting a voracious pace, his tongue dipped into you — long and thick — as his nose pushed against your clit with every open-and-close of his mouth. His chin providing a pleasant hardness that nearly knocked the wind out of you.

He was incessant. 

Sucking, prodding, licking, and swallowing; a starving man who may never eat or drink again. Your hands found purchase on his antlers, a bit smaller now but still looming, earning a moan of approval into your heat that blossomed in your chest. The room was filled with the sound of wet smacks and a harmony of throaty groans from him; keening, breathy moans from you. Both unabashed.

In between breathing his name, words were tumbling from your mouth that you couldn’t register, too lost in the feeling of him on you. Not just your pussy, but your legs, too. His hands gripping your thighs so fiercely as your hips rolled against his face that you hoped for bruises. A keepsake. It was impossible to know if this would ever happen again.

You hadn’t even realized you were slipping away from yourself until he pulled back with a sharp gasp, finally coming up for air, jerking his antlers from your hands. The lower half of his face shimmered with a blend of your arousal and his spit, the sclera of his eyes gone black, dials taking the shape of his red irises. Again, your arms reached out, shaking from the effort as you tried to catch your breath. 

“Kiss…,” you barely managed to say, dizzied as you were.

Alastor obliged, climbing up to your open hands as you pulled him down to you, unable to find the strength to meet him halfway. He flinched as you ran your tongue over his left cheek, licking up some of the mess there as he wiped at the other side with the back of his hand. The taste of your combined fluids sent a jolt of pleasure through you and you moaned through the sloppy, open-mouthed kiss that followed. The laugh that escaped him was sinister but sent another wave of warmth through you all the same.

He rewarded you with a finger, followed quickly by another. And before you knew it, another. Pumping in and out of you with a delicious stretch and a maddeningly consistent pace before they curled, teasing your spongy core as his thumb circled your clit at the switch; the sudden onset of your orgasm had your body trembling under his touch.

“Ohh… mm, fuck…! Hmmmnn… Ah—! Alasto—ahh!”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” His voice was rough but soothing. A crackle of static melded into your moans and the wet sounds of your cunt, and he gave his head a violent shake as if to clear it. There was nothing but a growling need when he spoke next. “I’ve got you, don’t fight it. Let me see how pretty that sullen face of yours looks when you cum…!”

It was all too much. Just the intensity of his eyes on yours boxed in between your hands holding his face could have sent you over the edge. But his words again, that pet name… 

The tether snapped so viciously you were fairly certain you passed out for a moment, your vision gone black as you screamed. Only to be brought back to consciousness by Alastor’s fingers slowly riding the wave of your orgasm, no longer stroking with purpose — you were clenched around him so tightly his previous pace would have probably injured you both — but with a languid solace. Graciously accepting every roll of your hips into his hand as you moaned his name and gasped for breath.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

God, it was so fucking satisfying to see your face twisted up, eyebrows knit and your pouty lips salaciously framing your open mouth as you cried out for him. Another perfectly shattered expectation, much like the rest of this experience had been. He didn’t even mind that your eyes were shut. The consolation being the glimpse he caught of them rolling to the back of your head before they were out of sight. That, and, this would only be your first. He was determined to get at least one more out of you before this was over, truly unsure how much you could handle.

He was surprising even himself, speaking to you in the manner he was. He enjoyed a good tease, but he couldn’t recall going to this extent before. Perhaps it was a result of the pheromones, but he simply couldn’t seem to help it. The reactions it was pulling from you were too exhilarating to deny himself… and by extension, you.

His static was filling the air, buzzing with the energy of a lightning storm as he sucked you off his fingers once more with a snarl; his free hand sloppily undoing his belt before giving it a freeing tug, desperately hard erection weeping slightly at the bit of alleviation. As the realization that he was preparing to enter you sunk in another ripple of goosebumps pinpricked his skin, causing him to bite down on the inside of his lip from the sensation.

The taste of his own blood came with inspiration.

Alastor tucked back some of your damp hair before bringing his face down to meet yours, swiping at your lips with his blood-coated tongue. Testing the waters. Your eyebrows drew together and you stretched underneath him, as if waking from a night’s sleep, before blinking your eyes open. He watched as your tongue responded with a quick prod of what he had left there, and felt his smile grow when you let out a hum of content.

He would never tire of being right.

“I thought you might like that, my little killer… Have some more,” he whispered against you. Giving your lips another rough lick before taking your mouth again, groaning into each other as your tongue soothed his still-bleeding lip.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Something about this kiss was different.

There was a fierceness this time that hadn’t been there before, no doubt spurred on by the blood pooling in Alastor’s mouth. It had been shocking to taste at first but then… you found that it wasn’t too bad. Diluted with saliva, it was almost sweet, and you relished the way he enjoyed your tasting of it.

Your hands traveled up to the back of his head, gently scratching the prickly velvet of his undercut with one while the other pulled at the hair on his crown. His hiss into your mouth made you moan with another jump of your hips, and you felt him shift over you then; vaguely aware of the sound of him unceremoniously tugging down his pants before he took your hand from his crown and brought it between you.

The gasp that escaped you was sharp, your hand instinctively wrapping around his length as he guided you through stroking him. He was so hard, wet, and heavy, burning to the touch, but distant alarms were ringing about your ability to take him all. It scared you how much you wished to try.

His moan of relief was another keepsake, the sound of it so soft and pleading in your ear that you nearly sobbed from your desire. You couldn’t help but wonder what his face looked like, making a sound like that, and found yourself jealous of the skin of your neck he was hiding in. You stayed like this for a moment, his hand leaving you to work on its own as he cradled the opposite side of your head to lick and kiss your neck between gasps and moans. With a final nip to your skin Alastor pulled back, the mattress dipping as he put all of his weight onto his forearm to the right of your head as he adjusted himself.

“Don’t close your eyes,” was all he said before pressing into you, the tip of his cock already threatening to overwhelm you as it teased your entrance. 

It was not an easy task, your eyebrows drawing together in such a way that it nearly blurred your vision. You whined between closed lips, doing your best to breathe through the sweet stretch of him finally entering you. Despite his direction, he didn’t seem to be doing much better; sweat beading on his forehead over furrowed brows, kiss-swollen mouth open with panting breaths. Flushed cheeks. Even in the state he had reduced you to, you were trying to sear the image of his lust-strained face into your psyche.

He was rocking his hips slowly, allowing you to adjust to him with each little thrust as your arousal coated him, easing his advance; breathy moans collecting between you in puffs of steam, joining the two of you together in all the places you weren’t touching. 

All the while, your eyes were locked on each other. Had anyone else ever seen his the way they were now and found them beautiful instead of horrifying? You moaned as you stared at him; taking in his large, elegant antlers and sweat-damp hair, reminding you of the bedhead you had seen the other morning. His handsome and sinister face. He could easily tear you to shreds — and in a certain way, he was — but you were overwhelmed at the amount of care he had shown you so far, even with his earlier warning. 

His thrusts were building in sharpness, parting you with a tantalizing push-and-pull until he finally bottomed out with a growl. You cried out from the fullness he gave you, already twitching around him despite his stillness as he gave you both a moment to try and catch your breath. 

Alastor peppered your face with kisses and licks as you relaxed into him, testing you with a shallow thrust that had you biting down on your lip. Another. Another. Another. Until your mouth was hanging open, your hands traveling up to hold onto his triceps in your need for stability and to keep him close. Suddenly you felt him leave you completely, not even able to process the emptiness before he slammed back into you with a harsh grunt that made you squeal; writhing as he pressed up into your cervix.

He must have really enjoyed that, because he did it again. And again. And again. Settling into an excruciatingly blissful pace, his hard length massaging knots out of your body you didn’t know where there. Your legs instinctively hooked around him, nails digging into the flesh of his arms as you gasped and whined.

“So — ah..! Good… Alastorrr…!”

“Fuck!” he hissed between gritted teeth as your hips bucked, brows knit tight as he shook his head as if to clear a fog. 

You didn’t know he was actually trying to keep something at bay, the additional inch of growth in his antlers lost on you in your current state.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Alastor’s hips stuttered for a moment before muscle memory guided him back to rhythm, desperate to regain the ecstasy that was torn from him. It had been a close call, but he managed to keep the switch from happening. Though the monster inside was still there, clawing at him just below the surface. 

He felt as your hands moved from their place on his triceps (which he had quite enjoyed) to settle on his chest, your fingers delicately tracing his scar. The line wasn’t steady though, perforated by the impact of his thrusts, which you were handling with a surprising welcomeness. 

It was almost…

There it was again, lying in wait; that ravenous, goading shadow roiling inside of him.

Take the risk…

Could he, though? Composing himself was practically second-nature, after all…

Say it!

Alastor exhaled, somewhere between a growl and a sigh. “You’re doing so well, sweetheart.” He allowed himself to relish the sound of your cry and the blissed out look on your face, which in turn provided a moment to steel himself before continuing, “I didn’t think you’d be this greedy.”

“Fuuuck…! Alast — oh my god…!”

A fresh wave of your arousal flooded over him as you desperately rolled your hips to meet him, but the intention had been to make you climax — and judging by the way you were spasming around him, you were close. Not drive him to his own at the sight of your glowing eyes, just as they had that day in the alley.

He had miscalculated.

With an agonizing force of will he pulled out of you, harsh breaths straining his lungs as he got off the bed to hastily remove his pants and shoes. He groaned through the ripple of adrenaline that was tearing through him, heartbeat pounding in his ears like a drum, the feeling of it causing his hair to stand on edge. Fuck. He wouldn’t be able to hold it off… not this time.

“What’s wrong?” Despite the question, your voice was still so thick with lust that it made his back hunch over.

It was taking all he had not to wrap his arms around himself in what he knew would be a useless attempt at containment. Even breathing was painful. The air saturated with the smell of sweat and sex and Valentino’s goddamn pheromones!

I really am going to kill that son of a bitch!

“Alastor…?”

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Burning at the stake.

It had been a good way to put it.

He had been burning you alive before dousing you with ice.

What had gotten into him? What had gotten into you? No one had ever said something like that to you before and received anything but a slap in the face. Greedy… The word made your heart stutter, some of the blood from the lower half of your body traveling back up to your face. Was it true? 

Embarrassment was beginning to sober you up. Had you gone too far? It seemed strange that you had, considering the words came from his mouth and not yours. Fuck, all of this had started because of him. How else had he wanted you to react? Or was he ashamed of himself? 

Was he regretting this already? 

“What’s wrong?”

You watched as his back arched up like a spooked cat, the force of his breathing revealing the ribs and notches of spine under the skin. He looked like he was in pain… Maybe the scar on his chest wasn’t as healed as it seemed? You climbed off the bed and made a timid approach.

“Alastor…?” 

He flinched at the touch of your hand with a hiss, the shock of his reaction making you trip over yourself and fall back onto the bed. He kept his back to you when he spoke next, the absence of his filter making you shiver in pleasure and worry.

“You remember what I told you earlier, yes?”

I don’t have the capacity for gentleness today.

How could you not remember that? 

“I do,” you answered, just above a whisper.

He straightened himself then, still turned away from you and managing to look regal despite his trembling. “I need you on all fours… and you must promise not to turn around. Do you understand?”

It was a question that didn’t leave room for any response other than yes. So you just positioned yourself on the bed, facing your headboard and gathered the pillows there underneath you for support. You had just finished settling when you felt his weight dip the mattress behind you, heart in your throat as he ran his nails down your spine before slipping his fingers into you.

You both sighed as he pumped you, filling the room with that familiar lewd sound between breaths. Stoking the embers of your stolen orgasm with every drag, until he removed them completely. You whined at his absence, the tightness in your belly teetering somewhere between pleasure and pain as you heard him shudder through stroking himself. His free hand resting now on your hip.

“Don’t get comfortable. If you cum facing away from me I’ll never touch you again.” His voice was tight with effort, the filter over it harsh and pocketed as he adjusted himself behind you, the grip of his hand on your left hip promising to bruise. 

To your shame, the threat alone almost made you, a graceless moan tumbling out from your chest as you barely managed to nod your head in confirmation; your cunt flexing around the words echoing in your mind. The obscene sight of it drew out a sound from Alastor that could only be described as animalistic, earning the plump skin of your hip a few punctures as he thrust into you, bottoming out.

It was a brutal pace, his cock nearly leaving you with every thrust before plunging back in. He still had one hand on your hip while the other grabbed your shoulder, the slapping sound of your skin meeting quickly overpowering the gasps and moans falling from your mouths.

“Haahhh… nnghh…! …fuck!”

“Alastor…”

You felt him twitch inside of you at the sound of this name before he practically shouted, “Again…!”

The blush burned down from your face into your chest, but you complied and whined his name again. And again. Until it seemed to be the only word you knew.

“Ohhh, fuuuck…,” he hissed, followed quickly by a snarl.

You could’ve sworn you heard fabric tearing before a green glow reflected off the lacquered wood of your headboard. Alastor’s huge silhouette taking shape as it intensified; invoking the image of a nightmarish spider more than the deer demon you knew. You closed your eyes and buried your face in the pillows you had gathered, refusing to turn around despite your instinct to do so. And even through the fear, you still felt your orgasm building, the battle to keep it at bay quickly turning against your favor. 

“Alastor… I… I can’t… I—”

The words were stolen as he suddenly bit into your shoulder, his mouth so wide you felt his teeth sink in from shoulder blade to collarbone. You screamed into the pillows as his hips stuttered, until there was a final thrust so deep it would have pained you if it weren’t for your throbbing shoulder. His seed spilled out hot and thick, fueling the aching fullness inside you as he grunted into your flesh; teeth still latched to you as if making a primal claim.

Hot tears fell down your face as he rode out his orgasm behind you, unsure if they were caused by the savage bite to your bruised shoulder or lament over the deprivation of seeing his face. But you had done as you were told, managing not to turn around or climax. The bite he was now nursing with licks and sucks and kisses providing plenty of distraction.

Almost too much…

As he tried to catch his breath, you could feel him shrinking behind you as he pulled out, his slick torso laying flat against your back as he lapped up the blood dribbling from the bite. And in between his kisses that traveled from your shoulder to your tear-stained face, his hands were petting you with such a tenderness it only wrought more tears. 

His soothing whispers of shhh, I know, I’m sorry, I’ve got you, I’m sorry ringing in your ears as he brought you to lie down, cradling you to him as he caressed your face with his hands that inflicted such pain* and comfort… protection.

For what seemed like hours, the two of you laid in silence, looking into each other’s eyes as his thumb stroked your cheek. Until finally you buried your face into his chest, hands over his heart.

And slipped into shadow.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

*to others lol

ps: phew! we fucking made it y’all… i truly hope it was worth the wait. but i do want to announce here that i will be taking a little break. i know this one was already late, but it kinda took a piece of my soul lmao since we only have two more chapters i need to make sure i have all my ducks lined up to wrap this with a pretty little bow. thank you for your patience and love, i really do appreciate you. and i’ll see you on may 5th 💖

tag list: @fairyv-ice, @wat4r, @midorichoco, @raynerrold, @krak-jj, @tremendoushearttaco, @redfoxwritesstuff, @chibistar45, @kaylopolis, @cutiebimbo, @lousypotatoes, @rfox1998, @cosmic-lavender

[feyreswaterybowels]

⭒The Silent One⭒

#3 Azriel x Fem!OC

⭒Part 1⭒Part 2⭒Part 3⭒Part 4⭒

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Azriel finds the guy that sold Cassandra. Lots of bonding happens with Cassandra, Azriel and other members of the IC. Slight cliffhanger.

Warnings/Tags: mentions/implied rape. Mention past sexual abuse. Mentions pregnancy from rape. Slow burn. Violence. Brief victim blaming. Found family. Protective!azriel. Protective!IC. GRAMMER ERRORS—I plan on going back to edit this please don’t judge me too hard I’m gonna have a busy week and just really wanted to get this posted for y’all🩵

Authors Note: all reblogs, likes and comments are welcome, appreciated and encouraged! Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for the next chapter. Regular italics are inner thoughts and bold italics are mental communication.

⋆ ݁⟡ ݁☾ ݁⟡ ݁⋆

Azriel stands in the darkness of night watching. Waiting. Body thrumming with anger. Calm cold anger. The kind that got people killed if they didn’t give him what he was looking for.

Only moments after Cassandra’s departure had his shadow returned to him. Telling him where to find this Vale. This horrid male who was taking females away from their family and selling them off—profiting off of them like livestock.

He sees the male, recognizes him from the briefs flash of memory Cassandra let slip at dinner, the one where this mad had choked her, slammed her against the wall just for needing to use the restroom.

The male is loading something up in the back of a wagon, the building behind him dark and dingy. Azriel let his shadows take him closer. Closer. Until he was standing in the alley between this man's house and another. The smell was horrid, small creatures scurrying about looking for their meal for the evening.

The male retreats into the building and Azriel lets a shadow loose to follow him—to be his eyes inside of this building. Inside is just as dark and dingy and piled high to the roof with…stuff. The blue skinned male navigates the maze of boxes and bins and trash with ease. He seems to be the only one here but Azriel knew better so he waits following the man through the seemingly endless maze.

That’s when he hears it, his shoulders going tight, his jaw clenching. Crying—no sobbing. A girl begging to be left alone as the male grabs her and pins her down to the floor.

“Fuck,” he growls. He pounds his fist against the outside of the building, taking chucks of the stone out. It’s loud enough to distract the man, to get him away from that girl as he rushed from the room under the floor, locking the locks and coming out. Looking around wildly for the source of the sound.

Azriel winnows, leaning against the wagon the man had been loading before, whistling to get the man attention. He whirls around, black eyes narrowed in anger, freezing in place when they land on him.

“Shadowsinger?” He grunts, narrowing his eyes at Azriel. “What brings you to these parts?”

Azriel looks him over, the smell of shit, piss and rot was overwhelming even from this distance.

“Vale,” Azriel says, to let the male know he knows who he is, rightfully see the fear in his eyes. “I’m looking for something and I hear you’re the one to help me.”

“I ain’t got nothing you need, pretty boy,” Vale sneers, crossing his arms, looking Azriel over. Trying to come off as tough but it’s actually laugh-able.

“Are you sure?” Azriel asks, pushing off the wagon. Letting his wings spread wide, walking closer, towering over the male. “See, I’ve got this female telling me you bought her from her dad and sold her to a pleasure house. I mean, tell me I’m wrong, man. I’ve just gotta check on these things. It’s a pretty serious accusation and all.”

“That chick’s got the wrong guy. I would never do something like that. These bitches are always trying to get us males in trouble,” Vale said, seeming to relax. Big mistake.

“You think so? Just tell me if you know her man. About this tall, really pretty, tan skin, white hair. Wings.” Azriel growls the last word, the man’s eyes widening again, taking a step back.

“Look, man, it’s not like that. Her dad owed me money, so he gave me her instead cause he couldn’t afford to pay me back, okay? So I didn’t technically buy her,” He stammered out, trying to explain himself.

“Oh,” Azriel said, nodding his head. “Well, I mean, if you didn’t technically buy her then no law was broken.”

“That’s right!” The male nods, sighing in relief. “No law was broken, man. I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t do that—”

“Yeah. I get it,” Azriel nods, shifting. Looking towards the building, then back to the low life in front of him. “And that female inside? Did you buy her? Is she here of her own free will allowing you to rape her daily?”

“Fuck,” Vale whispers, turning and running down the cobble stone road. Azriel stands there watching, a grin stretching his lips as he lets the male think he’s getting away.

“Send Morrigan,” He calls out to Rhys as he watches the male.

“She’s coming.”

Then he's gone again, just as Vale looks over his shoulder to try and spot him, only to smack hard into a body that came out of nowhere. He looks at the shadowsinger towering over him, swallowing thickly.

“What do you want from me?” The male nearly cried out as Azriel grabbed him and pulled him up, slamming his face first into a stone wall. The resounding crunch of his nose breaking is ever satisfying.

“Her name is Cassandra,” Azriel snarls into the man's ear. “She told us what you did to her. What you did to that female you have locked in that disgusting building. We know there’s more girls. We will find them all and when we do, I’ll let each one take a turn with you. Their weapon of choice. And you’ll feel exactly what they felt.”

“Ple-please. Please, just kill me,” The man begged, fighting in Azriel’s grasp but he was no match for Azriel’s strength.

“And what kind of justice would that be? Did you stop when those girls begged you to? Did you give them death with they would have preferred that over you using their bodies?” Azriel asked, scenting the smell of urine as the man pissed himself. “You deserve everything you’ve got coming to you.”

Before the pathetic excuse of a male could beg or plead any more Azriel grabbed the back of his head, smashing it into the wall, letting him fall unconscious to the ground. He left him there binded and hidden by shadows, stalking back to the building where he spotted Morrigan easily.

“Don’t tell me this is where he’s been keeping those poor girl?” She asked when she spotted him approaching.

“Unfortunately, I think it is. She said under his house but he could live here. I’ll question him more. I know there’s at least one female inside,” Azriel explained, guiding Morrigan into the building. Be could get the female on his own but he knew it was safer to have a female companion—after all they’d been through the least he could do was make sure a female was the one to comfort them.

They get to that basement floor, unlocking the various locks and pulling the hatch open. It’s as dark and dingy down here as it was in the rest of the building. Morrigan enters first, taking Azriel’s hand to steady herself on the old wobbly stairs.

“Your wings won’t fit down here,” She said, hushed. He nods at her. “Send a shadow if I call for help.” It’s said jokingly but he knows she’s serious. He’d rip the floor from this building to help her if she needed it.

Mor squinted her eyes in the dimness of the sellar, resisting the urge to plug her nose from the horrid smell.

“Hello? Is anyone down here?” She calls out, looking up from at Azriel when there’s no reply. “Hello, my name is Morrigan. I work for the High Lord. The male keeping you here is—”

Morrigan’s cut off when I body slams into hers, knocking her to the ground. She cries out in surprise when a sharp sting slices across her cheek.

“Stop, hey, stop! I’m here to help!” Mor calls out, trying to catch the hands of the female fae on top of her.

“Mor!” Azriel’s deep voice calls.

“I’ve got it!” Mor calls back, grabbing the girls wrists. “Please, stop! Vale is gone! He can’t hurt you, please, stop!”

The girl stops fighting then still tense where she’s straddling Morrigan’s middle section.

“He’s gone?” She whispers and Mor nods.

“Yes, he’s gone. He can’t hurt you any more. I swear,” She promises. Eyes finally able to take in the sight before her.

A fragile, naked, malnourished body sits atop her. Eyes not only shut but scarred as if they’d been cut—maybe by the same person that took Cassandra’s tongue. But what really got Morrigan, what had her ready to lose the contents of her stomach was the rounded belly attached to that nearly skeleton body. Her eyes welled and she helped the female to shift off of her body.

“Are you pregnant?” Mor whispers, trying to keep her voice from breaking as the female nods.

“Please, don’t let him take this one too,” She cries, reaching out to find Morrigan’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “Promise me I get to keep my baby.”

“I promise, no one is going to take your baby away from you,” Morgan swears, a single tear falling down her cheek. “What’s your name, sweet girl?”

“Neema, my name is Neema,” She answers and Mors eyes widen. The girl Cassandra told them about.

“You and your baby are safe, Neema. We’re gonna take you away from here, okay?” Morrigan says, standing and helping the pregnant female stand as well.

“I have my friend Azriel here too, he will not touch you, he’s only here to make sure no further harm comes to you. He’s handing me a cloak for you to wear,” Morrigan explains so the female doesn’t feel uncomfortable. She nods, allowing Mor to wrap the cloak around her.

“Are there any other females here?” Azriel asks gently, wishing he hadn’t with the way she clenched at the deep mess of it.

“Not—not that I know of. The females come and go. There’s been no others for months…” Neema answers, grasping the fabric tighter around her body.

Azriel and Mor share a look the last females had to have been Cassandra and the other two she mentioned.

“I’ll stay and check the building before I head back,” Azriel informed, consciously softening his voice so as not to scare the female again.

⋆ ݁⟡ ݁☾ ݁⟡ ݁⋆

Morrigan winnows away with Neema and Azriel searches every inch of the building with his shadows. No signs of any other females. He leaves the building, needing to relieve himself of the horrible stench.

He retrieves the still bound and unconscious male, winnowing him to his dungeon. He strips him, places a gag in his mouth, dumps him into a chair and binds him to it. He would be dealt with later.

The sun would be rising soon and he wanted to be there when they informed Cassandra they found the male and the female—her friend?

He enters Rhys' study, Cassian and Mor there too.

“How is she?” He asks, glancing at Morrigan then his brother.

“Resting,” Rhys answers. “Madja looked her over. Thankfully the baby seems healthy, Madja’s main concern is getting Neema to gain some weight and begin healing herself.”

“We offered her to live amongst the priestesses in the library, she agreed,” Morrigan said, her brown eyes bloodshot and cheeks flushed.

“Good, that’s all good, they’ll help her heal,” Azriel nods his head crossing his arms. “I have the male in my dungeon.”

“Have you gotten any information out of him?” Rhys asks, standing from his desk.

“Not much. He admitted to knowing who Cassandra was, receiving her from her father and holding her. He never admitted to selling her but that information won’t be hard to get out of him,” Azriel explains and Rhys nods in agreement.

“You get whatever information you can out of him and then he’s dead,” Rhys orders, Azriel doesn’t need to confirm he already knew what Rhys decision would be.

“Are we telling Cassandra?” Cassian asks, the first words he’s said the whole time.

“We are. She needs to know he’s here, it may bring her some comfort knowing he’s locked away and Neema is safe. I think you should be the one to talk to her, Azriel,” Rhy says, turning his attention to the shadow singer.

“Me? Not Mor?” Azriel asked, a bit confused.

“Yes, you. She’s comfortable with you. You’re the one that apprehended him. I believe she would prefer to hear it from you,” Rhys nods.

“Okay, I can do that,” Azriel agreed.

“You handle that, I’ve got some business to attend to with the priestesses. We’ll all meet up in a few hours to discuss further action.” Rhys stepped around his desk, patting Azriel’s shoulder when he passed by him.

⋆ ݁⟡ ݁☾ ݁⟡ ݁⋆

An hour goes by before Azriel tracks Cassandra down. Finding her in the library, flipping through a book where she’s sat in the large window seat that overlooked the city below. A steaming cup of tea next to her.

“I thought you couldn’t read?” Azriel asks, leaning against the door frame, grinning when those green eyes meet his.

“I can’t. I’m looking at the pictures,” She said, holding up the book, some romance book from the looks of the two people in a colorful garden.

“Ah,” Azriel says, walking further into the room. Trying not to focus on the way her eyes track up and down his body the closer he gets. He holds his hand out for the book, flipping it over the read the title, snorting at it. “Secret Garden Romance, huh?”

She shrugs, taking the book back.

“I asked the house for a book with a lot of pictures, this is what I got,” She said, a small sweet breathy laugh escaped her lips and he couldn’t help his own smile.

“Did you end up getting some sleep?” He asks, watching her set the book down and grab the warm mug.

“I slept but not great,” She shrugs. “I can’t stop thinking about my sisters.”

“We’re gonna do everything we can to find them, I promise you that,” Azriel said, not even waiting for a beat. He would find her sisters and he’d beat the shit out of her father too.

“You know I took my older sister's place. It was supposed to be her he sold off but the way she had cried when he told her. I couldn’t let him do that to her so I told him to take me…I didn’t really know what he meant when he was selling me. I thought I’d be a servant like the ones we had when I was a kid or something. I never thought…” She trailed off, taking a deep breath.

“You’re not to blame for what happened to you. You were protecting your sister. You did a very selfless thing. You're safe now and your sisters will be, too,” Azriel said, resting his elbows on his knees as he leaned towards her.

“Well, what about you?” Cassandra asked, gently changing the subject. “Did you ever get any sleep?”

Azriel sighed with a head shake. “No, actually. That’s kind of why I came to talk to you.”

Cassandra fixed him with a curious look, leaning forward as if to give him her full attention for whatever he needed to say. He looked into those glowing green eyes, filled with curious concern.

“We found that male. Vale. We found him,” Azriel said, watching the vast range of emotions flash through those emerald eyes.

“He’s here?” Is what she asks, fear tinging her voice. Azriel straightens his back.

“He will not touch you,” he declared, holding her gaze. “He won’t even come near you.”

I’ll fucking kill him if he does. He thinks but doesn’t add it out loud.

“He can’t get out of…wherever he is?” She asks, and he wants to reach out so badly to comfort her. The ache in his chest drawing him to her.

“No. He’s being held in a very secure place. I promise you’re safe here. You’re safe with us.” Azriel promises. You’re safe with me.

“Were there any females with him?” She asks and Azriel nods.

“The girl you told us about, Neema. She was the only one there—it had been only her for months.”

He watches as her eyes fill with tears, offering his hand for her to hold. She takes it, thumb tracing his scars unconsciously.

“Just her…alone with him for months. Gods, is she…I feel like okay isn’t the right word for what I want to ask,” She says, sadness written all over her face.

“She will be okay,” Azriel said. “She’s in bad shape. Pregnant, malnourished but we have an amazing healer and a library below the mountain. Many priestesses live there. Many of them have experienced similar traumas. They’ll help her heal.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. He wasn’t sure what was going through her head as she sat there silently, grasping his hand and tracing his scars.

“I want him to die.” It’s fierce. Heated. Emotional. And it does something to Azriel’s heart, to his brain. He squeezes her hand. “I want him to feel everything we felt. To know the fear he put us through. I want him to suffer and then I want him to die.”

“He will die. I swear to the Mother. I’ll get every drop of information from him and when it’s time his death will be painful and slow,” Azriel swore, gently swiping a tear from her cheek.

⋆ ݁⟡ ݁☾ ݁⟡ ݁⋆

The next day is a day Cassandra would remember forever. She hadn't slept much the night before but Morrigan had practically begged her to have lunch.

Cassandra wasn’t entirely sure she was ready for a day out in the city but she felt safe with Morrigan. She nearly asked if Azriel could come too until she learned he would be spending the day collecting information from Kamari and Vale.

Morrigan picked out her outfit for the day and it was one of her favorites she’s worn since being here. A flowy silk top that tucked into a dark pair of slacks that raised high on my hips. They emphasized her longer legs in a way she had never noticed before. She had also pinned Cassandra’s hair up and out of her face.

She liked the way Azriel smiled at her when he saw her dressed this way. She blushed but was quickly rushed away by Morrigan, shouting something about wanting you to herself for the day for girl time.

Their first stop was a place she called the River House. A beautiful home that her mother would have loved. Morrigan had only had them stop here briefly to grab a few tote bags, wanting to shop while they were out but promised to bring her back and give her a proper tour of the house.

The city was even more beautiful when you were in it. The sun was shining bright in an endless blue sky. Better than any dreams she had ever had about it.

They went to bakeries, where Cassandra single handedly filled half a tote with various pastries.

Then a clothing shop where Morrigan helped her pick out some new clothes. A few everyday pieces. A gorgeous gown she wasn’t sure where she would wear it but Morrigan swore she would need it sooner or later. And then the softest, satin, dark blue nightgown—it had reminded her of the stones that glowed atop Azriel’s hands. Morrigan herself had picked out quite a few outfits and gowns of her own and a lace set that looked like something the girls in the pleasure houses would wear but she paid no mind to it—she was sure it would look gorgeous on Morrigan wherever she planned to wear it to.

Then they went to a place near the river for lunch, the glistening river was the perfect view while they ate.

“Do you feel like you’re settling in okay?” Morrigan asked, sipping on some kind of iced fruit tea while they waited for their food.

“I’m still…adjusting. I enjoy the company of everyone. I feel like I can trust you all. It’s just odd.” Cassandra says, taking a drink of her tea that was just slightly too sweet but she wasn’t complaining.

“What’s odd?” Morrigan asks gently.

“Trusting strangers more than I’ve ever trusted anyone else,” She says it like a confession, like she should be ashamed for feeling that way.

“I don’t think that’s odd,” Morrigan shrugged. “You’re around people like you, people you can relate to and get to know. It’s easy to feel safe with us in turn, causing your trust. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Cassandra smiles at Morrigan.

Their food comes soon after and they talk the whole time. Morrigan gives her the rundown of how Rhys, Azriel and Cassian all knew one another. She explained more about their titles and what each one of them did as a member of the inner circle. She told her about so much that Cassandra could believe she’d spent her whole live knowing practically none of it.

When they go to a bookstore Cassandra looks at a few before putting them back. Morrigan grabs them and tells her they’ll teach her to read—that she’ll love these books and so many more.

And when they finally get back to the House of a Wind it’s late. She's exhausted from carrying around nearly overflowing tote bags and eating more muffins then she can count.

A top the house where they have to land they’re greeted by the three males. Their solemn faces wiping the smile off your face. She caught Azriel’s eyes, sees the look of pure death there—a look that she just knows means he wants to kill someone.

And just like that, her perfect day with Morrigan took a turn straight down hill.

Tag List: @aelinwya @starlightandsouls @fullmoon-94 @aetherl0l @caticorn61 @lilah-asteria @blackgirlmagicforever @div94 @purple-writer8 @little-missbookyworm @saltedcoffeescotch @namelesssav @slytherintaco @whatsupb @little-missbookyworm

[lurkingshan]

Step by Step Episode 11 (OF DOOM)

Warning: I really, really did not like this episode. If you’re trying to keep positive vibes you should scroll on by, friends! 

Welp. I told a few friends last week that my biggest disappointment would be if, after missing the mark on the emotional payoff of the slow burn and speed running the relationship, the show chose to break them up and do a time jump rather than staying with them in the present time and working through the conflicts they set up. And here we are! I wish I’d been wrong about where this was heading. Shouts to @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm for holding me down while this show fell apart on me, I’ve been all in a tizzy about it, because I really loved it for awhile there.

This episode, yet again, felt like a disjointed mess. After last week’s cliffhanger, the idea of Pat resigning to get away from the predatory office gossip fell away within a few quick scenes. Instead the tension disappeared as the plot brought them into a bubble with only their most supportive colleagues and we swerved into a retread of the Put nonsense and a new plot about Jeng and Pat fighting to save the digital marketing team via the power of Put’s quasi-celebrity and Instagram likes. Or something. I honestly couldn’t tell you the details of what they were trying to accomplish, I was too distracted by my incredulity to pay close attention to this very sudden fake problem that they were obviously going to conquer (that, my friends, is what we call conflict with no stakes). Meanwhile, the show suddenly wants me to care about Jaab and Jen again - enough to devote a big portion of the penultimate episode’s runtime to them, what a choice - after doing fuck all with that plot for six weeks. It’s a no from me. 

It doesn’t matter anyway, because soon enough we’re time skipping again! After resolving the work challenge subplot we speed past another three months of Pat and Jeng’s relationship without addressing any of their issues, and I guess I’m supposed to be at peace with being a full nine months into their relationship with no onscreen emotional advancement? But I gotta be honest, y’all. I am not. You just don’t do this with a slow burn romance narrative. You can’t spend 80% of your runtime building to something that you have no intention of paying off, and no amount of thinking about what else this show is trying to say is going to convince me they did proper justice to the relationship. I already broke down why I didn’t think the episode 10 culmination got us there, and nothing that happened in this episode changed my opinion.

And all of this is leading to yet another time jump - two entire years this time - after the big reveal that Jeng doesn’t believe in Pat at all and literally bought his success, Evil Daddy knew it all along and waited for a choice moment to deploy the info for maximum damage while twirling his villain mustache, and Pat is finally quitting for real and dumping Jeng for good measure.

And ya know what? GOOD FOR PAT. I was completely on his side in this decision. If there’s one bright spot in this episode (other than Chot, always Chot) it’s Pat getting himself together enough to realize he deserves better than the bullshit he’s been getting from Put and Jeng and walking on out. So Jeng and Pat are now broken up, but I never got invested in their relationship in the first place, because we barely saw it, let alone got the chance to live in and feel it. I wasn’t even upset while watching this breakup scene - it left me emotionally indifferent. Which is maybe the worst thing I can say about a dramatic climax in a story.

I guess next week we’ll meet Jeng and Pat again two years in the future and get some kind of happy ending. I’m gonna stick around for the finale and cross my fingers that we get all the epilogue fluff we have definitely earned, but sadly, this show has lost me.

[buthowboutno]

totally not late 15k hits post

hmm? what’s that? we hit 15k hits on ATWLP?? like, yesterday, right? mhmm? yes?

We’re just gonna totally gloss over how I’ve left y’all on a cliffhanger for the past two weeks but uhhh HERE’S SOME CONTENT PSPSPS I PROMISE THE NEXT CHAPTER IS COMING OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (my gf was visiting, i was too busy fawning over her to type xoxo.)

I would just like to say again that my readers are so fucking insane and talented and you guys have really been SUCH a huge support for every step of the way. It only took like three chapters to gain 5k hits!!! That’s absolutely /wild/. 

So anyways, to the stinkies that have been here since the beginning and the ones that have joined us recently, i love y’all so so much and here’s to the second half of this truly monstrous fic.

Beneath the cut: Donnie’s POV from the end of Chapter 15.

QuarkedUp: not dogging on the newbies but she may or may not have caused us to have to redo our entire experiment

BootyShaker9000: You? Not being outright facetious to someone?

BootyShaker9000: Who are you and what have you done with the short nerd?

BootyShaker9000: Follow up question, will you keep them forever?

QuarkedUp: I hate you

Donnie snorted at your text as it popped up on the screen. He caught May smirking at him through the corner of his eye while he typed a response.

“What, am I not entertaining enough company?” she asked, taking a sip of her cocoa and keeping eye contact with Donnie over the rim of her mug. May had pointedly left the matching set alone for you and Donnie.

Donnie had appreciated that with words he couldn’t begin to form yet.

“I fear there’s no way to answer this without getting on someone’s bad side,” Donnie said.

May snorted, setting her mug down and reaching for the tupperware Donnie had brought over. Mikey had made more lavender sugar cookies that he insisted that Donnie take over to you that night, nevermind the fact that you were coming over later tomorrow.

Donnie might have… left out that detail when Mikey had asked him.

“Ah, well, don’t let me get in between you and your partner,” May teased. She bit into a cookie and hummed appreciatively.

Donnie’s cheeks felt warm as he began typing again. He would never get used to May calling you his partner. Between her and Splinter, Donnie’s mind had been rife with intrusive thoughts about you.

Thoughts about grabbing your hand with his when you placed it on his knee, about sticking his face in his hoodies when you finally returned them.

Thoughts about…

Nope! Lock it down, Donatello.

BootyShaker9000: You do not.

BootyShaker9000: Would you like me to make you something to drink?

QuarkedUp: oh yes pl

BootyShaker9000: Have we reached the point in society where we just aren’t finishing words anymore?

BootyShaker9000: May and I just finished off the last of the hot cocoa, but I can make you a green tea?

Donnie got up from his beanbag and walked over to the little area where the kettle was set up, flicking it on and searching through the little drawers for the tea you liked.

“I’m so glad the two of you use the mugs I bought,” May said as Donnie pulled out the matching pair to his mug. Donnie gave May a soft smile before turning back around to retrieve the honey.

“We use them every time I come over. I think their excessive abuse of caffeine is the last thing keeping your roomie tethered to reality, if I’m being honest,” Donnie said. Not that he, admittedly, was much better. You had forced him to start limiting his Redbull intake to just two cans a day if you couldn’t have your third or fourth cup of coffee.

‘Turnabout’s fair play,’ as you had told him.

‘I’m an engineered weapon of war,’ Donnie said back, ‘I can handle a little caffeine.’

How rude of you to care about his well-being.

May cackled, reaching into the tupperware for another cookie, “That’s what they get for being an engineer. Us art majors just go insane in the poetic way.”

Donnie huffed a laugh through his nose, “How very Plath of you.”

“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” May said. Donnie walked back over to retrieve his mug and took a long sip while he opened up his chat with you.

No new messages.

Weird.

BootyShaker9000: Sweetums?

“Has your roommate texted you in the last five minutes?” Donnie asked, setting his mug back down and tapping at his tech gauntlet to check your location.

“You’re… really overprotective, aren’t you?” May asked, but pulled out her phone all the same. With a few swipes she looked back up at Donnie, “Nothing since this morning.”

“Some might say I’m paranoid within reason,” Donnie said, focusing his full attention to his tech gauntlet. He tapped on your icon showing your location and pulled up your health stats. Heart rate slightly elevated, but nothing else too concerning, “My concern is backed up with years of empirical data and, for lack of better words, gut feeling.”

“I can refer you to some resources on campus for your anxiety, you know,” May said. She looked concerned, but Donnie just waved her off.

“Still not a student, but thank you.”

Donnie’s gauntlet started beeping obnoxiously, startling both of them. Donnie’s heart stopped when he saw the familiar notification on the screen.

“Something happened,” Donnie said, engaging his jetpack and taking off immediately through the open window. He didn’t wait a second to give May any explanation. How could he? How could he waste any second that should be spent making sure that you were okay?

He hovered above your last known location, finding nothing but the faint scent of your body wash and acetone that you had undoubtedly spilled earlier in your lab. Donnie dropped down to the ground and tried to trace where your smell was coming from. His eyes locked on his your hoodie that was folded neatly and placed on the edge of the sidewalk.

Donnie practically fell to his knees as he grabbed it. Your phone fell out of the front pocket as he did so with a note taped to the screen. Donnie’s hands shook as he picked it up off of the ground, thumbing the piece of paper open so he could read the messy scrawl.

Othello Von Ryan,

For old time’s sake, I’ll be frank. We have your partner and you have significant funds. There doesn’t need to be any hassle tonight, just so long as you follow every instruction.

Load $20,000 worth of Bitcoin onto a USB and go to the address sent to your phone. Bring no one. Leave your weapons behind. If you try anything, we will not hesitate to cut our losses and move on.

Consider our graciousness for your years of theft to be a gift for the happy couple.

–Purple Dragons

Donnie felt a eerie calm wash over him. It was like he had retreated into the back of his own skull, only merciless logic and cold fury guiding his next actions.

He pocketed your phone and rose from the ground with the hoodie in hand. He ran his thumb over the soft fabric, his mind completely focused while he pressed call on his phone.

“Leo? I’m going to need you to listen very carefully.”

[tulipjeanohare]

The Road to Nowhere

premise: And we’re back with another chapter! The group has Eddie out of Hawkins and harm’s way, now they have to find their way to his new home away from home. Finally, a little alone time for him and Dustin’s sister. Angst abound! 

pairing: eddie munson x dustin's sister!reader

word count: pairing: 2205

warnings:  very brief use of marijuana

notes:  I left this chapter with a bit of a cliffhanger because I want to make this oh so juicy for all of us. We all deserve a little Eddie kiss every now and then, right? Thank y’all so much for the love on the first two chapters, I’ve had so much fun writing this entire thing. Let me know what you think of this chapter!

Read Part One Part Two  Part Four

There were far too many people crammed in the car for the amount of time they’d be driving but you couldn’t talk Max or Dustin out of tagging along. You’d tried though; that long speech about how dangerous it was for them to come with you didn’t really hold so much weight anymore. So, Eddie was still shoved on the floor of the backseat which couldn’t have been comfortable for anyone let alone someone who had just had a weeks long stay in the hospital. But he didn’t seem too bothered by it. For the most part he’d rested his head back on the door and closed his eyes, every now and then Dustin or Max would bug him about something but that seemed to calm his nerves. He’d stopped fiddling with the rings on his fingers about an hour into the drive.

But now Steve and Robin were arguing in the front over who was right about the next turn they needed to make. Nancy had the map all spread out on her lap while Robin excitedly pointed to where she thought the right turn off was only for Steve to then chime in, one hand guiding the wheel while he tapped at a different line on the map.

“You think we’ll actually make it to our destination before they kill each other,” you whispered down to Eddie.

One eye popped open to look up at you, the corner of his mouth upturned into a smile. “You’re the one who let them drive.”

“I had to ensure the precious cargo was safe,” you scowled down at him. “Besides, they’re both wrong about what road is the right one…I’ll let them argue a little longer.”

That elicited a full laugh from him which made everyone’s ears perk up. “Inside joke,” you smiled, waving your hand back to the road ahead. “Eyes on the road Harrington, we don’t need a car accident right now.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, hands both back on the wheel now. “No backstreet driving.”

And just like that the arguing in the front continued.

Miles and miles of tree lines passed by you before you finally piped up about which road was actually the right turn to take. Steve was shooting daggers at you through the rearview mirror and repeatedly saying “you’re kidding me, you’re actually kidding me” under his breath while Nancy let out an exasperated sigh. Robin opened her mouth four or five times to say something back to you but couldn’t quite get the right comeback out. You could feel Dustin’s body shaking with laughter against yours when Eddie whispered, “totally worth it,” from below.

You shot him a wink without thinking anything of it, “we’re almost there I promise.”

“Good, I think you could kick me in the shin and I wouldn’t feel it at this point,” he said.

At that Max kicked her foot out from where she’d tucked it underneath her and grinned, “wanna try that theory out?”

“No, no no,” Steve shouted from the front seat. “Absolutely not!”

Max sighed and crossed her legs under herself once more, mumbling something about ‘no fun’ under her breath.

About twenty more minutes down the road took you to exactly where your college friend had instructed you the place would be. Once the dust settled from the dirt road behind you it was in perfect view. Perched on a little hill a ways from the main house was a beat up old RV, surrounded by acres and acres of green grass and not another house in sight.

Eddie watched you smile out the window as the car rolled to a stop. He wanted to see what you saw but he wasn’t kidding about his legs being dead asleep at this point. Pins and needles stung each leg up and down as he attempted to pull himself up enough to peek out the window. You shoved the door open and quickly slid yourself out before reaching for his wrist like before and tugging him out behind you.

A hand on your shoulder steadied him for a second as he righted himself.

“She’s not much but it was all I could do on such short notice,” you smiled, hopeful that this wasn’t going to be a bust.

There it was. Eddie’s new home and hide out for the foreseeable future. A gloriously rundown Winnebago RV with a hideous orange and brown paint job. The blinds along the front side were tattered and lopsided. The screen door had a massive rip down the center but the main door was sturdy as could be. He gave it a yank and hopped up the stairs for a more thorough look at his humble abode. You could see him through the window pacing here and there giving it a once over.

“I’m gonna mend that screen before we leave,” you started, fiddling nervously with your hands. “And new blinds are on the list I gave Steve and the group to pick up.”

He popped his head out the door, a smile plastered across his face, “Y/N, this is great,” his voice was even and so soothingly pleased. “A good scrubs all she needs.”

“Really,” you beamed up at him, making him go a little weak in the knees. 

And just when you thought that smile of his couldn’t get any bigger somehow it did. He extended his hand for you to take and guided you up the few stairs into the RV like he was walking you into some extravagant ball. “This place isn’t maybe what you’re used to but it’s as close to my home as you could’ve gotten,” he started. “And you didn’t have to do any of this so I’m, uh, really…thank you.”

“You’re welcome Eddie Munson,” you looked him in the eyes, those big brown eyes. And for a second you almost let yourself lean in to kiss him right on the lips, like he’d done back in the hospital. But the moment was gone when Steve bound up the stairs to let you know they were heading into town to grab everything from the list.

You purse your lips into a thin line, “thanks Steve,” you replied without turning to him.

“Come on,” Eddie smiled down at you before looking up at the hatch to the roof. “Let’s check out the view from this bad boy.”

It wasn’t the easiest climb up you’d ever made but eventually you were both standing atop the old hunk of junk looking out over the massive field. A hand went up to your brow to shield your eyes from the late sun still peeking through the old trees. 

“Hey,” Steve’s voice carried from below, half in the car and half out to yell up at you. “Be careful, I don’t want to come back here to one of you with a broken neck.”

You sarcastically waved him off, “I think I can manage…just get what we need and make it snappy!”

He rolled his eyes before mumbling something under his breath and getting back in the driver’s seat.

By the time you’d turned back to look at Eddie he was sitting down, resting back on his elbows with his feet kicked out in front of him. He truly looked right at home in that moment and it gave you the slightest bit of relief.

For the time being he didn’t have to worry about running.

“This seat taken,” you asked, the toe of your shoe pointing to the spot next to him.

That big smile of his spread across his face like a cat with a mouse in its mouth, “s’all yours.”

The clearing was quiet except for the occasional bug that zoomed past one of you, early risers for spring. Your bare legs sprawled out in front of you to match Eddie and you couldn’t help but stare at all the scars all over them from that night in the upside down. To be honest you hadn’t paid much attention to them in the last week or so because you’d been so focused on helping your brother get his friend out of police custody. Some of them were bright red still while others were a deep bruised purple.

Eddie watched from beside you as you chewed at the inside of your cheek, eyes focused intently on your legs. He had some of the same scars on his legs too and his arms and his stomach. Reminders of the hell you’d all endured to defeat Vecna which, at this point, seemed impossible. Hawkins was burning from the ground up as you two sat there in the country air and those scars were reminders of the battle still to come.

A tap of his boot to yours pulled you from your thoughts, “they’re not so bad…it’s like a badge of honor at this point.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I’ll tell all my friends back at school all about the demon bats in the alternate dimension that attacked my friends and I.”

An unfamiliar giggle bubbled up from Eddie’s chest and before you knew it he was in hysterics. He let his body fall back onto the warm roof of the camper and held his sides as he fully laughed at the ridiculousness of everything you’d all been through. “Shit, that hurts,” he groaned through a laugh, wincing.

“Maybe this will help,” you leaned back enough to pull the small joint from the front pocket of your jeans, holding it out to him between two fingers.

“Henderson,” he grinned, taking it from your hand with all the excitement of a kid on Christmas morning. “You really are full of surprises.”

You couldn’t help but grin, “it’s from your stash…I don’t want to know why it took Dustin all of five seconds to find it.”

He opened his mouth to reply but then thought better of it and opted to pull out a lighter from his pocket and attempted to light up. But turns out drowning it in Lover’s Lake along with the rest of him had all but killed it.

“Jesus H Christ,” he mumbled, the joint still between his lips. “Not one goddamn thing can go ri-”

And before he could finish his rant you’d stuck a lit lighter in front of his lips. “Didn’t figure you’d still have a lighter on you after the shit you’ve been through in the last week.”

“Dustin and I stopped by your trailer before we broke you out and packed up some of your stuff,” you answered him before he could open his mouth. “I found that shitty little lunchbox full of your stash and grabbed the joint and the little baggie still in there…I hid it in your bag.”

It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had done for him in, well, ever. Not just thinking to bring him his pot stash but to go out of your way to pack clothes for him. Hell, you’d cooked this entire plan up yourself he was sure. You’d told him that Dustin had begged you to help him but he knew better. There was very little he remembered after the bats took him down but he did remember your teary eyes watching him closely as you’d helped Steve, Robin and Nancy haul him out of the upside down. Sure he was a dead man. 

“Want a hit,” he asked, the cloud of smoke he’d been holding slipping through his lips.

You looked at the joint between his index finger and thumb then up at him, “you’re the worst influence,” then you reached over and took it from him taking two quick drags from it.

“Looks like it’s your first time,” he teased, taking it back from you.

That made you smile.

“Did you really think all I was doing at school was getting an education,” you giggled.

The two of you sat like that for a while; passing the joint back and forth between you as the sun slipped lower and lower in the sky. It was so peaceful out here you wished you didn’t have to go back to Hawkins with the group. You had no idea what you were going to be greeted with when you returned. The ash falling from the sky had gone on for miles as you drove before you finally hit a point where the sky was normal again. So, you didn’t want to rush this.

“How did you manage this,” Eddie broke the silence.

A quick shrug and another puff of smoke spilled from your lips, “like I said, a friend from school mentioned this shit can last semester. His parents are total hippies so they don’t give a shit who's staying out here. I just told him I had a friend who was trying to get away from a bad situation…he’s a sucker for a sob story.”

“Just a friend,” he questioned, the joint resting between his lips now.

You shot him a look, “that’s what you’re worried about now?”

“Oh come on,” he replied, sitting straighter now. “You mean to tell me you weren’t about to kiss me before Steve so rudely interrupted us earlier?”

The heat rose in your cheeks so fast you were sure they were on fire.

[animerunner]

New odd defense of Dana is going to kill off the characters: Let Dana write what she wants

Which there are a lot of issues with that

I am begging y’all to learn that just because people like to write angst doesn’t mean we like to write non happy endings or tragedies.

Plus Dana’s not the only writer in the room. She has people that she bounces off of.

And that’s not even starting on the rep issues.

Like if Dana really had wanted to keep us in a bad mood she would have gone with plan a and left us on a cliffhanger at the end of S2

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 25

Chapter 25: “Inspection, Part 2”

There is a whole lot of details in this chapter cover and while I won’t list out every little thing (because that could be an entire post itself), I would feel worse if I didn’t mention it at all. Demizu’s artwork is something to behold y’all.. every day I’m thankful we had someone as talented as her to bring this wonderful story and its characters to life. I love her drawing style so much.

I once again forgot that shortly after arriving, Isabella does this laugh. Probably because the panel differs from the anime so much that I can never remember. The anime is hilarious though, look at it giving NE little dots for eyes.

The fact she can say such a thing right to their faces like that without an ounce of guilt.. you’re terrifying ma’am.

I’m certainly repeating myself from her bday post when I say that nothing she says here is really a lie. Paired with everything I rambled on about back in ch20 about the mom offer, it’s truly fascinating that the moms & sisters are labeled as the enemies only because the plot told them to be. Villains can be so complex and vary from one another in so many ways.. and when you can understand their motives, ideals and emotions to the point where you actually feel sympathetic and start to cheer for them a little, that’s the scariest thing about them. (all the children realize her words are true and Emma voices this for them towards the end of the story aka: during the chapter that breaks my heart).

Of course she knew Don & Gilda were involved with the trio as well, but you’re damn lucky she considers you all special enough to not be shipped out. Half because it further guarantees her own safety as she produces more high quality merchandise for the farm, while the other half of the reason is that she cares.

I do love that NE essentially came up with this plan telepathically, but what would’ve happened if roles were switched? I don’t think Norman would be able to hold back Isabella at all, but Emma might have been a bit quicker to use the rope to investigate the wall perhaps? Even then, if Isabella snapped Norman’s legs like twigs, would it have been Emma who gets shipped out instead? Or was Norman the ideal shipment regardless? I don’t recall if the shipment being set in stone was ever brought up and if so from where, but seeing how Emma is our main protagonist, it’s safe to assume Norman could’ve been doomed regardless. I can chat about this series all I want but I’m in no way the most knowledgeable about it, that’s for sure pfftt.

PAIN! Literal fucking pain and agony! Damn it all, I hate how perfect I can still hear her leg break but that just means the anime did a real well job with it.

Ma’am now isn’t the time to be laughing! This is a rare moment where I actually despise you!

Favorite panel/moment:

No doubt one of the best jaw-dropping cliffhangers of this series. You would think the full trio would have this unbreakable protagonist plot-armor, especially with them always reminding us that they plan to escape with everyone, yet here we are fearing for this boy’s life with not much time to spare. Such a bittersweet-sweet moment for sure. Obviously bitter due to the danger Norman’s now in but sweet because of how on edge the shipment situation makes us feel as well. And sweet again because.. damn Isabella, she’s on a roll today huh? Pulling checkmates left and right.

End of volume 3.

[ponds-of-ink]

Random Pony Art: “Want to Save Your Men..?”

Hey, remember that post I made a few hours ago where I said I had a song stuck in my head?

Welll.. It got so stuck in my head that I decided to do a pony piece along with making (and technically remaking) an OC or two.

If you’re interested, I’ll have a quick story explaining these two down below. All I can say is y’all can thank a certain moment from Epic the Musical for this one.. Even though I’m giving this a pretty very different direction because it personally sounds more interesting for this particular context.

The pegasus on the left is Cookie Cutter, a high-flying adventurer with a band of fellow ponies. His friends thought it would be a good idea to camp near the abode of the unicorn on the right– Better known as Hazy Hush. They pretty much get lured into a fake-fire trap through one of her siren-like illusions, forcing Cookie to go on a rescue mission.

All goes pretty well once he enters her house. They introduce themselves over dinner, have a tense but decent round of negotiations, then head outside to the backyard. The only problem is: Hush is looking very grumpy. And that’s not a good sign for anyone trying to negotiate with some that can create illusions out of thin air.

Unfortunately, before Cookie can ask what’s the matter, Hazy Hush gets an idea. She gathers all the necessary information from her talks with this stallion, then pretty much says: “Hey, you want your men out of that fire pit? How’s about you get ‘roasted’ alive for your taste in mares, you absolute softie?”

..Yes, I’m not joking. I’d even sketch this part out, but it’s getting late on my end.

Hazy just uses her abilities to craft a mare that matches what Cookie mentioned somewhere in that conversation. To his friends’ surprise, this really short specter floats in and clings to Cookie’s arm. This Shetland-sized, very battered down, almost “Pinkie Pie with a straight mane looking” thing. A really sad looking figment of the imagination that poor Cutter momentarily embraces.

..Except this isn’t just a figment. Unbeknownst to Hazy, she unintentionally recreated Cookie’s crush back home. A secret one, given the old “can’t marry outside your circle” thing that’s most likely still in place there.

So now Cookie’s stuck with a huge pile of regret in multiple areas. On top of that, he now has a choice: Does he admit to his friends about the mare and face potential scrutiny after freeing his friends? Or does he deny this vision, reject the offer, and leave his friends behind?

..Too bad the song that inspired this thing ends on a cliffhanger, or else I’d have that answer straight away. It would be funny to imagine it being the former option, but his friends are more confused about why he didn’t say anything about this mare before they left. Oh, well. Guess it’s up to interpretation.. for now.

[fannyspammy]

I made my parents watch agent carter so they could be mad about the ending with me but I played myself cuz now I’m just mad about the ending again >:(

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 297: We’re Bustin’ Outta This Joint

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi did his best to undo all of the good vibes from the Girl Power arc by killing off Midnight. It sucks and I still don’t like it, but it is what it is. Unfortunately, Not Killing Off Your One Female Teacher Character With Any Character Development was worth 30% of his grade for the semester, so it brought his average down all the way to a C-, and so he and his report card will just have to live with that. Meanwhile Ochako did some rescuing, and the other U.A. kids lay around unconscious and/or traumatized. The chapter ended with an abrupt cut to Tartarus, where AFO is apparently just chilling and waiting for the Nearly High Ends to come bust him free. What kind of a cliffhanger is that to leave your fans hanging on for three whole weeks. Who’s suffering more here, the characters or the readers.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “okay I know you all want to know what happens to Deku and Shouto and the rest, but have you considered finding out what happens to Overhaul and Muscular and Moonfish and New Girl Character instead?” Fandom is all, “you had us at New Girl Character.” Seiji’s dad is all, “I’m just going to say a bunch of stuff to help make sure none of the readers feel conflicted about cheering on a bunch of mass murderers escaping from prison.” Tomura is all, “dammit AFO why are you still here.” AFO is all, “shhh, Tomura, go back to sleep.” Tomura is all, “wtf but you’re literally hijacking my body and continuing to shred it to bits while we break into BnHA Alcatraz to recruit your own personal Suicide Squad.” AFO is all, “:).” Real!AFO is all, “HERE I AM, EVERYONE, SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.” And then the chapter ends. Geez.

oh shit lol it’s a whole big fucking page all about Tartarus

my very first thought was “that’s a long-ass fucking bridge”, and then I went to go google “longest bridges”, and Wikipedia was all “son there are literally a hundred and fifty bridges in the real world longer than 5km, and the longest one is actually 165km”, and I was all “oh shit I really don’t know jack shit about bridges.” then I looked at the list for a few more minutes and realized that the super-long bridges were all built over land, and that the longest bridge over water is only 38km. which is way more reasonable, but also still really fucking long though?? ngl I would freak the fuck out on that bridge. what does any of this have to do with Tartarus you ask?? absolutely nothing, I literally forgot I was reading a chapter for a sec lol uh

anyway, my parting thought on the bridge is that it kind of defeats the whole purpose of having a giant island fortress prison, but whatever. moving on

and the six levels thing is straight out of One Piece lol. something tells me BnHA’s prison break arc isn’t going to be quite as fun. hmm

so now we’re cutting to “the Bronze Gate”, which is the main entrance off of the bridge, and some goat-looking motherfucker is out here trying to become my new favorite character. bro

SON OF A BITCH WHAT’S WITH THE BULLETS FLYING IN THE BACKGROUND. DON’T TELL ME THEY’RE SHOOTING AT GYGES. THEY CAN’T KILL OFF MY FRESHEST HOMIE GYGES. SURELY THEY WOULDN’T

ooh and now, giant robots!

giant robots with machine guns. “I’m very sorry I killed off Midnight, makeste” you know what, fuck you Horikoshi. thinking you can buy my affections back so easily

does Gyges have six arms??? look how fucking calm he is announcing the code red security lockdown, holy shit. GYGES

NOOOO

NO NOT BRIAREUS. THIS DAY EXACTS A HEAVY TOLL

YO, WHAT

he came there himself?? so much for making the Noumus do his dirty work. and based on the speech bubble shape and font, this is still AFO talking

uh oh what’s happening

is he using Decay or is his arm just sort of crumbling to pieces because he hasn’t had time to heal up yet? if it’s the former this prison break is going to set a record for shortest arc yet isn’t it

now we’re cutting to B10 which is apparently the lowest level. but do they mean lowest as in the least security, or lowest as in the deepest underground, a.k.a. the most security? idk it’s confusing and I think they should be more specific. is it B like in basement?? are there six levels or ten?? stupid Tartarus

anyway so the guards are talking about how Gigantomachia is scheduled to arrive tomorrow morning. heh. will there even be a Tartarus tomorrow morning

(ETA: WELL, UH.)

wow they’re talking about just killing him outright. damn

I kinda feel like “prison guard” is one of those jobs that just sort of naturally attracts shitty people. anyways yeah, Seiji your dad is a real piece of work

and he’s even doubling down on it after the other guy repeatedly keeps trying to hush him up. dude we get it, you’re an asshole

ooh and now we’re getting an interesting look at the various prisoners, some of whom look suspiciously familiar!

for starters, that’s definitely Moonfish in the upper left corner, I’m like 99% sure. not quite clear who that is across from him in the upper right, but it’s been a hot minute since we saw Muscular, so maybe?

and could that be Overhaul in the panel beneath him?? they’re not showing his face so I assume it’s someone we’d recognize, and he’s the only currently-incarcerated villain with that haircut as far as I can recall. though it seems weird that he’s not restrained more given his quirk. I thought Horikoshi mentioned in Ultra Analysis that he’d gotten it back somehow. eh well we will wait for answers

I don’t recognize the person to his left either (though she has an oddly familiar look to her?). but the person on the bottom right, next to Kurogiri... is it Stain?? the hair and body language are sure giving off Stain vibes. if someone had told the me from two years ago that I’d actually be excited to see Stain again I would have said you were full of shit. and yet here we are. these sure are interesting times

anyway so now the Code Red intruder alarm is blaring. and I gotta say, that one scene sure was effective at killing any sympathy I might have been inclined to feel for these guards lol. bring on the imminent massacre

“what horrible timing” lol yes. it’s almost as if they planned it that way

uh oh

is he omae wa shindeiruing. watch your six, Mr. Prison Guard

oh shit

WHAT DID I SAY. WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY. but nooo, you all were all, “but a bridge is more convenient!” VERY WELL THEN, LIE IN THE BED THAT YOU HAVE MADE

anyway so it’s the High Ends lol. I mean we already knew it was them. let’s just get on with it

omfg Tomura ARE YOU RIDING ONE

WHAT ARE YOU, A NAZGUL. WHY IS THIS MY FAVORITE THING

and it looks like it actually is Tomura again, too (as opposed to AFOmura)

-- is he using Decay on himself?? is that what it is?? or no wait, is this just more of the weird side effect shit that’s been happening since he Awakened. actually yeah never mind that’s clearly what it is

y’all this man is out here having a full blown argument with himself

so this is equal parts compelling and hilarious to me right now lol. like I feel so bad for Tomura, but I also lowkey want to see how far this escalates. like do you think he’d go as far as to punch himself in the face. where will this journey lead us

fucking look at this shit

other people have already mentioned this, but with this scene especially it makes me really curious how they’re going to show this in the anime. will it be AFO’s voice coming out of Tomura’s mouth? or Tomura’s voice using AFO’s speech patterns? more importantly, will it be cool and dramatic, or will it actually wind up being hilarious? or both?? never count out both

also he’s looking pretty good there in that bottom panel with his one eye just barely visible. that doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but here I am, pointing it out

also also, lol at Tomura being all, “the fuck do you mean, ‘rest’, you’re the one that dragged my body out here to raid a fucking prison,” and AFO being all, “oh yeah, lol, true true, but I meant rest after that.” yes, this man clearly has nothing but the purest intentions, Tomura. trustworthy af

this fucking guy. Tomura is your bullshit radar finally operational yet?? can you see yet that it was always his intention to use you right from the very start?? oh man I am starting to get fidgety now listening to this

so Tomura’s saying he doesn’t just want to be used as a chess piece. and AFO is all, “well okay but what if it’s a VERY NICE AND IMPORTANT chess piece.” bro DID HE STUTTER

-- AHH BUT NEVER MIND THAT, HERE IT IS, THIS IS WHERE THE FUN STARTS OMG

GO ON AND ACQUIRE THEM THEN! omg. why am I so fucking excited. it seriously makes no sense. like seriously, ‘hooray, our old buddies, Overhaul and Stain!!’ -- come again now?? who is this person that I have become

meanwhile AFO is making all this fuss and I really don’t understand it though

why would you need to plow directly through the building. why can’t you just use doors like a normal person. it’s not like they can lock you out, like hello, you can literally turn anything you touch into dust, what’s with all the melodrama

anyway so he’s apparently hitting the prison with some sort of EMP attack now and shutting down all their systems

omg the suspense is killing me. this is going to be so badass once it’s animated, but right now all I keep thinking is “YES, GREAT, CAN WE PLEASE JUST MOVE IT ALONG”

the doors are opening ahhhhhhh come on come on come on let’s go let’s get to the excitement already

now the guards are running over to try and regain control. but, like

yeah that’s pretty much how I’m expecting the rest of this to go basically

so now they’re shooting at the dust cloud lol. well if there’s one thing movies have taught me, it’s that bad guys who wait inside clouds of dust while panicked cops blindly rain bullets at them until they run out of ammo are basically invincible lol. soooooo

OHHHHH SHIT

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. THEY ARE SO FUCKED LOL, SHIT

YEP, AND HERE’S ANOTHER ONE

is this the first time we’ve seen Moonfish’s face? I feel like we might have caught a glimpse of it before on an omake page or something. either way, it wasn’t anything I actually needed to see again. thanks...?? I guess??

okay but seriously, are we supposed to actually know who this badass lady is?? like I don’t know her but I feel like I know her, you feel?

(ETA: lol there are already like 60 different theories about how she’s related to every single character in the series. will be interesting to see if anything comes of this. although we did just get three “this villain was secretly related to [insert character(s) here] all along” reveals just in the last arc, so idk, it might be better if we pass on it this time lol.)

girl who are you. please stick around. for the love of god don’t let this man kill you off too

????

wait so is this Overhaul? boy sure has seen better days huh. but the floppy sleeves... yeah, it’s gotta be him

anyway so then the only ones missing are Stain and Kurogiri, yes?? omg. and one page left to go

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO CONVINCE ME HE COULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS SHIT RIGHT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. FUCKING TIME-BIDING DRAMA QUEEN

AND HE’S JUST FLOATING HIS LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM ALONG BEHIND HIM SOB. THIS FUCKING GUY

AND IS HE JUST ABSENTMINDEDLY DRAGGING SOME POOR SCHLUB’S CORPSE ALONG BESIDE HIM LIKE A SLEEPY TODDLER CARRYING THEIR TEDDY BEAR. I FUCKING CAN’T. REST IN PEACE, FRIEND. GIVE MY REGARDS TO GOOD OLD BRIAREUS

so that’s it! and we still don’t have any idea what AFO is actually planning to do now, after all of that. are they going to merge bodies?? or is he going to try to switch with him?? either way Tomura’s body has to be part of the plan somehow since he keeps making so much of a fuss over it. flkhglkhlk. dammit I need answers lol

[pot-of-terv]

Disclaimer: This starts soft but very quickly goes to a place I did NOT expect it to go so, just, be prepared. I guess there were some things my muse just couldn’t leave untouched :_D There’s also an additional drawing in there somewhere among the text. The ending is kind of a cliffhanger (dun dun duuun... part three is coming!!) but it’s happy (hurt/comfort y’all, MY BRAND)!

Also I have to say- oh my goodness this ended up having over 2,000 words and I’ve never written a fic this long! This feels pretty amazing but also, very scary, because as you know I’m a Finn so English is not my first language and this far I’ve stuck to just writing itty bitty things. Writing a story with multiple parts is also new to me, so wow, actually, thank you PuzzleJune for making me challenge myself in fresh and exciting ways 🥺

tw: breakdown

PuzzleJune2021, Week Two: Space (Quiet)

It is mesmerising. Intoxicating, even, Atem muses as he reaches up to rub his own sleep-soft face, eyes never leaving the still sleeping figure beside him. He shifts to lay on his side, slowly, with deliberate movements, trying to not disturb the quiet of the early morning.

Watching him sleep like this... I can feel the bed move when he moves and his warmth whenever he's close enough. I never had that before, he thinks and his heart clenches. I have it now.

Yuugi snorts in his sleep and Atem can't help but smile. That boy... no, that young man, has been through so much, too much, and yet he still sleeps so soundly. It's nothing short of incredible and the pharaoh wonders if he's ever met anyone more deserving of respect and admiration. Their journey thus far has only lasted for a couple of years and during that short time, the former spirit of the Millenium Puzzle has had the first-row seat to witnessing Yuugi's strength, his growth - how he slowly but surely had begun to trust himself.

Atem turns his gaze away from Yuugi and mulls over that thought. It hurts him somewhere deep in his core to remember how little worth Yuugi had seen in himself during those first months after Atem's consciousness awakened. He touches his chest where his heart is and leaves his hand there, feeling the slow rhythm beating under his palm.

That feeling of self-doubt could as well be his own, for he did think he was Yuugi for a while back then. It's a troubling realisation and he frowns at the ceiling. Despite not having any memories, how many of those insecurities had been Atem's own that he subconsciously reflected towards Yuugi's heart and by doing so unknowingly meddled with Yuugi's self-image as a whole? Objectively he knows that his emergence helped Yuugi gain confidence even though he didn't remember those first few times Atem took his place, but subjectively...? Atem's brows knit tighter together and he balls the hand that rests on his chest into a fist.

To call these thoughts troubling is an understatement. Suddenly Atem feels uncomfortably restless, he can't keep still, he needs space, he has to move. But moving would mean leaving the warm blankets and the even warmer form next to him and risk waking him in the process.

His chest feels so tight and it aches in a way Atem hasn't felt in millennia and he squeezes his eyes shut, holds his breath and with one swift movement pushes the blankets off of himself, sits up and rolls to the side to plant his feet onto the floor. The wood is cool under the bare soles of his feet and that sudden feeling makes him pause for a moment. He releases the breath he was holding.

It's almost funny how he already feels better. He glances over his shoulder to see if he had woken Yuugi up but the other youth seems undisturbed, still fast asleep. Relieved, Atem stands up... and doesn't know what to do. It's still practically night time and the house is silent. Mama Mutou and Grandpa will be getting up in one to two hours and Yuugi much later than that if his previous findings are to be trusted. Normally he would happily snooze the morning away with Yuugi but he doesn't want to go back to bed, the restlessness still buzzing under his skin even though that unpleasant tightness in his chest has ebbed and is now just a nuisance instead of actual, painful anxiety.

He turns around to face the bed so he can take another look at Yuugi, properly. A glance wasn't enough. Will never be enough, he realises all of a sudden. I want to be looking at Yuugi, and only Yuugi, forever. How can his heart feel so big and full but so small at the same time?

Atem is overwhelmed, not yet used to the absolute link between his feelings and his physical senses, and he lifts his hand once more to his chest, almost desperately grasping his shirt and pressing his fist against his heart, to feel the beat of it, and the warmth of his body.

He has this body now and he should be so, so thankful for it, but at this moment he can only feel guilt. He loves Yuugi but has still put him through so much and he knows, oh how he knows, that the trip to Egypt broke him. Atem had felt Yuugi mourn him weeks beforehand, felt his grief he so valiantly tried to conceal - too bad their bond at that point was the strongest it had ever been and Atem knew. It took everything in him to keep on going, to keep on telling himself that this was the right thing to do, this was how he could repay Yuugi's kindness and let him go on with his life, let him be free. He had heard the modern phrase “if you love them let them go”, and wouldn't that have been so grand? To prove his love in such a poetic, profound way?

All that in spite of Yuugi's feelings screaming at him that to be separated was the last thing he wanted.

Atem chuckles, a bitter taste in his mouth. Despite having shared such an extraordinary bond, communication had never been their strongest point, duels usually excluded, and talking about their feelings was not an exception. Still isn’t. They both had just kept on doing what they thought was the best for the other and in the process ended up wounding each other in ways that Atem isn't sure he can ever truly understand. Yesterday he had come down to the kitchen to find Yuugi folding laundry, eyes puffy and red, yet when he talked he sounded so happy. Atem had left it at that because there's nothing he could do when confronted by that smile that can put even the Sun in shade.

Slowly he realises that he's been staring at his partner for such a long time that it must be bordering on creepy. How did he get here from that warmth he first woke up to, from that love he so deeply feels for Yuugi? Why hasn’t he thought about these things before? It's like all he has in his head are questions with no answers to calm his mind. It's only been a week since... since it all should've ended, but didn't, all because of Atem's selfishness. Selfishness... and love. His own heart had broken when his life points counted down to zero and he saw the utter hopelessness he felt surface in his heart reflected right back at him on Yuugi's face. The memory of it is still so strong that he has to grit his teeth together to keep his jaw from trembling.

He hadn’t been able to stand that expression, to stand the knowledge that he was the cause of it. He wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t good enough. The pride he had felt toward Yuugi's skill was completely overshadowed by the grief that hit him in waves, his legs feeling like lead as he slowly walked to Yuugi, his own voice distant to his ears as he offered words of consolation and praise. Empty words, they were, he knew it then and he knows it now. How could he ever leave this person who had gone through so much for him, because of him, who had loved him so fully, who had risked it all to be there for him in his quest to regain his memories even when knowing that the price for that would be too steep to consider if Yuugi ever stopped to do that?

Atem had never wanted to leave. He had learned to live again, to have friends, and grow as a person, no matter how minuscule that growth might have been. Yuugi had been him and then Yuugi had become his world. There's no other way to explain it. As much as Atem had longed for his memories, for those people he loved and lost all those thousands of years ago, he couldn't bear the thought of losing another family. Even when the prize would be to regain his first one. 

But he had to. He had thought he had to.

Yet when he was just about to take the last step, he had faltered. Had wondered - does it have to be this way? What if there's another choice he could make?

And the gods had answered him. He didn't have to beg, he didn't have to fight, he just had to ask.

Just ask.

It had been so simple, in the end, so effortless. Of course, Atem asked for that third choice - or didn't really even ask, he didn't dare, he wished for it, his heart on the verge of breaking a second time. He had been painfully aware of his friends behind him, holding their breaths, waiting for the end. Atem felt their feelings wrap around him like a cloak and he bore the weight of it, accepted it, as he couldn't quite believe that it would be that easy to stay. So he had wished.

And that wish had been granted.

And now he is here.

Standing in the middle of the floor in Yuugi's room while Yuugi sleeps, hands closed into fists, both grasping his shirt now, holding back tears that threaten to spill forth. Wondering why did he even put Yuugi through all that, when in the end, it was for nothing? Oh, he thinks, oh, how it hurts. His own shortcomings, his own pain, the pain that he had caused others. Especially the pain that he had caused Yuugi. He hadn’t deserved it, he never deserved something so cruel and insincere as Atem's decision to leave had been.

A sob wrangles itself up and out of his mouth, he's not able to stop it in time and that breaks his resolve. He sways on his feet as tears force their way out and streak his cheeks, fall into his shirt and seep into the fabric as he hiccups and tries half-heartedly to stop it. He shouldn't be crying, not after everything he’s done. He doesn’t deserve to feel so sorry for himself - he should be the one to take responsibility, to carry that burden without a hitch. But, the thing is… at this moment, he’s no longer the prince-then-pharaoh from 3000 years ago. He’s no longer the amnesiac spirit occupying the Puzzle. He’s not the King of Games.

At this moment, he’s just a 16-year-old boy who is desperately trying to deal with every responsibility he’s imagined are only his to bear and failing spectacularly. So he cries, and cries, and he can no longer see with how blurry his eyes have gone. He prays Yuugi won't wake up to it, he just has to suffer through it and he'll be fine. Crying is fine, actually. He would laugh at himself if he could - aren't tears an actual luxury, after all? He wasn't able to cry his own tears with his own body before, but now he can.

There's a hand on his shoulder and Atem's heart drops into his stomach - oh no, now he's woken up - then another on the other side, then a tug, and Atem follows blindly. He's guided back to the bed and coaxed to sit down where a warm body presses against him and he's enveloped in an embrace.

Atem finds that he can't talk, he tries to draw breath to get the words out but sobs are the only thing he can produce and finally, he hears a voice call his name. It's so soft and warm and loving that Atem somehow feels worse and buries his head into Yuugi’s shoulder, his chest heaving and he almost wails from the struggle of it.

“Shh, other me. Cry it out. It helps. I know.”

He listens to Yuugi and does just that. It’s not easy to give up the reins but with Yuugi by his side, he finds the will to allow himself to succumb. He clutches his partner's shirt, holds him and is held in return, and lets himself cry. Lets his tears come like he's never done before and faced with the force of them, he feels like there's no end to it.

But there is an end. After a period of time that feels like an eternity, his sobs subside, his tears slow down, and he feels like he can finally loosen his hold of Yuugi's shirt to let blood flow into his fingers again. His nose feels snotty and he's sure there's no dry spot left on his partner's clothes and somehow that thought makes him laugh.

“See? All better now,” Yuugi murmurs against his temple and presses his lips there. That sign of affection almost makes Atem's eyes well up but he squeezes them shut, refusing to start crying all over again. He feels drained and empty and he's pretty sure he should be ashamed. He had woken Yuugi up and made him comfort him without asking but all he can feel is gratitude. Gratitude and love and endless adoration.

“Aibou,” he sniffles, voice congested and raw. He means to thank him but his throat closes up, yet Yuugi seems to catch his meaning.

“No need,” the shorter of the two says and Atem can feel his smile against his skin, “it's okay. You're okay, we're okay, everything's okay.”

Atem wants to argue but finds no energy for it. And - as he thinks about it, he realises that Yuugi is right.

They're okay.

He wraps his arms properly around Yuugi and squeezes, sighing softly. His mind is comfortably quiet now and he presses his ear against Yuugi's chest, listening to the beat of his heart (his heart's heart?) and feeling his own fall smoothly into the same rhythm. It's natural, it's right.

“I think,” he manages to croak out, “that we need to talk.”

Yuugi holds him closer and nods before pressing his face into Atem’s hair.

“Yeah,” he replies, sounding relieved, “we sure do, other me.”

[pianostarinwonderland]

Okok gathered my thoughts now somehow, so here’s my thoughts (ish) on the last chapter of Pomefiore!

Poor Vil man, he’s tired from his OB yet . Performance.

Epel even said “hey can I be the star” LMAO THIS GUY HAHAHAHA

Vil voice) no

So VDC yayyyy

SO GLAD TO KNOW THAT THERE WAS A FULL VERSION HEEHOO

Damn, I did not expect cameos from the other dorms ....... I wish to say I died over Azul’s cameo but to be honest, there was so much going on that I couldn’t even bother with him :’< sorry Zuzu

Ok, Leona says something interesting: he says that he suspects something happened in the stadium (from how he acted, it seems that he suspects an overblot occurred) and mentions that it was strange that vids of the rehearsals and onwards were gone, but backup videos showing what happened in the stadium are automatically uploaded to the cloud anyway, and he’ll leave that to Ignihyde. What a mood lmao

Ngl I’m glad that we don’t interact with Malleus much in this update for petty reasons

And then the winners

Lmao is it a thing for performers to be able to vote as well? I thought that wasn’t allowed. Oh well

Man, this was the part that really hit me like a ton of bricks: RSA winning. I guess that it’s a way of saying that “yes heroes win in the end” but it’s still kinda sad because we watched everyone, especially Vil, work so hard. But well, life is like that.

Everyone feeling emotional though;; Kalim ahhdhsjjdjsjd I thought he was gonna be the mature one who comforts Epel BUT HE CRIES LOUDER AHHAAHHAHAHAHA this boi I love him

Vil having tears in his eyes was so ;;; I’m glad Chemi did the whole ‘character with tear textures in their eyes’ because I wouldn’t have been ready otherwise lmao

Can I just say, I’m so glad that they show the boys crying over their loss? I always appreciate it when media does show boys crying because it combats the whole toxic masculinity thing.

AND THEN THE ROOK BEING A NEIGE FAN THING AHAHDHSJDSNSKAJDB OH GOD

Jamil even thinks that the album Rook brought with him to the VDC training camp was pics of Neige

Though some people are sus that he’s lying, and even Vil says that too, saying that he’s never seen Rook going awooga for Neige

Man Rook, give us your lore in ch6 pspspspspspsps

EVERYONE SINGING HEIGH HO DHSHHDJSJJD everyone’s reactions are so funny, like Ace’s face just screams “why”, Deuce kinda goes along with it, Kalim and Rook happily sing along, Jamil is mumbling the words, Epel is just lost (hey, can I just say Rook’s and Epel’s voices really went well together?), AND OMG VIL’S SMILING FACE WHEN HE SANG 🥺🥺🥺 that was so so so so cute and precious y’all are sLEEPING on it

Man, the cheering fand are deafening

OK RSA HEADMASTER, I did not expect him at all

I thought he looked like Dumbledore lmaoooo but people connected him to Yensid

His name is Ambrose the 63rd, and he suspected that the stage was reconstructed with magic. Now he’s sus of Crowley (bless the man)

Then oh yes, Mickey

I gotta reread again because did Grim finally see Mickey??

Anyway, idk what the convo between MC and Mickey was, but yayyy we finally got a pic of him!!

THEN THE SHOT OF THE CARRIAGE AND OB GRIM OH GOD OH FUCK WTF TWST WHAT IS THIS OH DEAR GOD

And then oh shit where’s Grim

I love that MC went all around the school looking for him 🥺

But then . Lmao yes, Grim found the OB stone under the stage

But fucking hell . Those eyes .

I was genuinely startled when I saw them because I wasn’t expecting him to get like that so soon.

I was expecting it to be like, ch6 hfjsjsjsjsj but oh nooo he— oh shit, did he just attack us??

TWST WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE US ON A CLIFFHANGER

Shot of Ignihyde now, lmao of course Idia left to go back to his room

Then Ortho says he got an email from Olympus corp (oh hot) then Idia is all like “I can’t go anywhere”

IGNIHYDE LORE IGNIHYDE LORE IGNIHYDE LORE PLEASEEEEEEE GOD

I’ve been waiting for Igni lore for nearly a year now. .

Uwehhhhhh

And that’s a wrap on ch5!

General thoughts: I couldn’t process this update very well because of NRC losing to RSA? By one vote tooooo

Not that I’m hating Rook for it, and if anything, I like that they kept him in character in regards to that because Rook will go for what he found beautiful. But it also brings up a lot of questions between him and Neige now.

But as for the whole chapter, the pacing felt off. It went off to a great start, but towards Vil’s overblot, it felt rather rushed. I’m also slightly miffed that they pretty much sidelined Epel after the late December update, which contributed as well to the pacing of the chapter. There’s a lot of contradicting ideas in the story and some even felt like they were brought up but never expounded upon? Maybe I’ll read the tls from the beginning and see if I need a refresh on the first half so I can connect it better with the second half, but right now, each part feels disconnected.

Aside from that, I like chapter 5! I love the developing dynamic between Vil and Epel, I love the amount of lore they gave, just mmmmmmm food

Now, it’s time for us to wait for the next announcement to be given out on January 31! What will it be, Valentines event? Who are the cards? Please let Floyd shine Twst.

[theswampspirit]

Season 3 Talk: Part 1 (spoilers, obvi)

(Yes, I just used Brooklynn’s phrase for obvious) 

So, let’s just get this major point in the story out there first. This is probably THE biggest and most defining character dynamic change to come out the series. It was such a gut punch that I literally felt sick and could not sleep properly without thinking about the ramifications, how it could be resolved, or how it’ll affect the group’s dynamic. Despite this, I feel that it was or at least wonderfully adds to the cliffhanger at the end of the finale, leaving you really wanting more and to see just how this friendship will be resolved. By now you’ll likely picking up on the fact that I talking about the canyon-sized rift that has formed between Kenji and Darius. 

My GAWD, that was just completely brutal on the first watching and completely left me with this massive hole. So, let’s try to break this down.

First off, the summary. Basically, Darius AND Brooklynn decided that not letting Wu have access to his research to create more hybrids was the most important task they must complete, to the point that they voluntarily risked their lives, primarily Brooklynn’s but I can see the scenario playing out the same if their roles were switched. After the rest of the Fam regroups, Darius recruits a plan to both save Brooklynn and erase Wu’s work, despite objections from Kenji and, to a lesser extent, Ben. As the plan is set in motion, Kenji goes rogue and rescues his friend by giving the laptop back. Chaos ensues, laptop is collaterally damaged, Brooklynn is saved, everyone’s united, yay??? Not so, as before they say goodbye to Bumpy and the camera from Darius’ perspective pans around, you see everyone is smiling except for Kenji. Then after Bumpy leaves, Darius goes to assure Kenji is all well, only for Kenji to throw it back in Darius’ face, basically accusing him of willing to risk the lives of his friends and potentially dooming them to a not so good fate. Even with the kids leaving and Brooklynn having a heartwarming convo with him, Darius is still somewhat taken aback from Kenji’s rejection, leaving room for the next season to set up a lot of tension between the two, the significance of which I’ll discuss below.

So, Kenji is crossed with Darius and the fact that Brooklynn’s life was in danger because Darius came to the conclusion that the Fam had to put a stop to some nefarious overarching plan or scheme instead of just keeping each other alive. I think this comes from Kenji’s growing maturity and his attachment to his friends. Romantic shipping stuff aside, we can infer this from the first season with his reaction to Ben’s “death”, then we get more in depth with these feelings of losing his friends to the main villain of the Final Destination franchise when he talks with Brooklynn while they care for Sammy in season three. He cares deeply for his crew, as they are possibly not just his friends but likely the closest thing to a family he’s ever experienced. After Sammy heals, I kind of felt that all he wanted to do was just leave with his friends safely, such as when he gripes about Darius going off on his to fetch Ben when Kenji suggested they all go get him, and when the crew decide to get rid of the Scorpius rex. Brooklynn’s life being in danger and the crew deciding to play this elaborate plan to get two birds with one stone instead just doing the obvious and getting everyone to safety may just been the last straw for Kenji, causing him to possibly lose faith in Darius along with being furious at him. 

After the end of the finale, I don’t see how old aloof Kenji will return. This experience has definitely matured him to what I ultimately think is for the better, although I could also see how he can still have storylines where he still messes up and causes some detriment for the group (they all make these kinds of mishaps, and the effects of such range considerably). 

This is all speculative but I can see that rift will carry on throughout the season, and will be a major storyline for the plot. Darius and Kenji were basically not only each other’s friends amongst the campers, but the first of the campers to become friends, so this rift should be handled with great care to show how both sides make solid points, how it affects not just Darius but Kenji as well, and how it might ripple across the group. I think in the beginning of this hypothetically arc, Kenji will be cold and distant towards Darius, not to the point where it’s obnoxious but definitely noticeable by the others, especially Brooklynn. Darius may try to apologize at first but will still stand by his decision, further drifting them apart and potentially leading to Kenji to straight up challenge Darius’ leadership or any plans he makes directly. The may others may or may not take sides, and circumstances may occur that could call Darius’ leadership into question and see Kenji indirectly take over, with the others flocking to him. Throughout this, Brooklynn, who now has a strong friendship with both boys and sort of forms a trio with the two within the group, will be going to both sides, urging the other to take steps come back together. This could lead to Darius admitting to Kenji that he was correct to put the friends first above all else and not risk their lives, and Kenji letting go of his anger for Darius. This will likely occur either at the midpoint or the end of the fourth season. The process will (or should be in my opinion) definitely be an uphill climb, and Kenji may not immediately forgive Darius for his actions, where Darius could say his piece, admit his actions were unnecessary and could’ve led to a tragic outcome, and tells Kenji he has every right be angry and stay angry with him. 

I really do hope that these two amend their bond, seeing them rely on each other and be the best bros, especially in the earlier to middle portion of season 3 is great to watch. But things may not go back to being the same. They may amend their friendship, but lines were crossed, and I feel that Kenji may no longer be as much as the carefree and aloof person he has been so far, and his relationship with Darius will definitely change. But hopefully, even if it takes most of a season, it’ll be for the better. 

Thank you making it this far. These write ups may be a bit on the long side, so it may be only one or two every couple of days. Hope y’all enjoy my piece and enjoy season 3!!!

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 14: So If You Put a Fraction Into a Duel Disk, the Card Explodes

We left on quite the cliffhanger last episode, so I’ll fill you in:

I did not get the haircut.

Like I seriously considered getting a Zigfried for a cool 3 or 4 minutes there, but then I decided to wait a couple of days and I basically forgot.

But, back to the arc finale, Seto has decided to walk, not run, to the Kaiba lab in order to fix the virus rapidly eating his entire company.

I just want to point out that Zigfried went through a LOT of work to get Seto Kiaba to go “uggggh” turn around, and pretend to calmly walk away. I’m used to Seto losing his nut kind of a lot and blowing things up but this season he’s like “be chill be chill be chill” so that the entire world doesn’t think he’s a spaz on TV.

And little aside about Seto’s design choices here, I fell down a hole of interior design videos, and can I just say: apparently these wood frame things on the wall are back in style? Good on you, 2002(3?) Seto Kaiba. Don’t think that current designers are painting them purple but...we’re halfway there to Yugioh fashion.

Meanwhile, Pharaoh decides to remind everyone that these stakes are hella low. The worst that happens is that Zigfried deletes the plane that Yugi needs to fly home...which would be an impressive virus.

Like it’s hard to tell if Yami even has a solid concept of “capitalism” and whether or not he cares about or understands the makeup of Seto’s company (which up till now has operated like a small country and not a business...which is a little more Pharaoh’s understanding. Either way...hard to tell if Yami would shed two tears for the loss of Kaiba corp.)

And, despite what I say in the caps, I feel like Leon and Zigfried are the first villains we’ve ever had that Yugi and Pharaoh didn’t unintentionally disclose that they are 2 people to. Zigfried and Leon are just...completely oblivious to how effed up Yugi’s bean is. They think that’s just a normal kid and lol no dudes...y’all got distracted by Seto Kabia but you have a literal Egyptian God just hovering around in the background and dating 3 people by accident.

Like when the show shelves the main storyline, it is very funny how it’s all “And we’re gonna put the Pharaoh crisis on hold--just put a pin in it. No one will notice this child is two nervous wrecks stitched together” and then Yugi and Yami just kinda hold it in and watch all patiently until it’s their turn to get off the bench.

(read more under the cut)

In the giant computer tower, Seto Kaiba shouts out a string of orders and numbers, admired the many sonar detector looking windows open on every monitor, and then sat down at his desk to like...check the firewall, I guess?

The virus is past the firewall. It’s um...it’s inside the firewall, pretty sure that was the point, but youknow, it’s a kid’s show so they’re just throwing out computer stuff that has no meaning to the writers of this show.

Mokuba thinks fondly of how Seto Kaiba has never screwed him over (which I mean...maybe not on purpose, ((except for that one time he did screw him over on purpose to get Gozaburo Kaiba to accidentally give Seto Kaiba the company, but you could say that was a grander scheme that he knew Mokuba would see through, which...)) but Seto certainly has screwed Mokuba over accidentally. At least once.)

And meanwhile, Yami fixes everything through card shenanigans.

So here’s the shenanigan this episode: I don’t go over cards here but this one requires a limited amount of explanation.

So every round the golden castle deletes half of Yugi’s cards. So he was like...I’ll just draw down to one card. They can’t delete half a card...so that means the card must delete one of the two cards on the field which means it must delete itself.

...which is like the closest Yugioh will probably ever get to abusing a glitch to do a speedrunning tactic like GDQ.

Anyway, like I stated in the title: there are no fractions allowed in Yugioh. If you do that to your priceless one-of-a-kind card you got from winning one of Pegasus’ murder tournies, it will irreparably bust the card.

I’m sure at least one of you will correct me with the proper way to insert a fraction into your duel disk. Cuz like...as I say multiple times so we never forget, I barely pay attention to this card game and I’m just flying by the seat of my pants.

I want to say Seto and Mokuba were in the hacker chairs for like...3 minutes maybe before they realized “oh...Yugi fixed it...” and walked the half a mile back to the duel arena.

and also, as I’m looking at Seto’s glasses here, I just realized...all of Kaiba’s team wears sunglasses all the time. Inside, outside, night, or day...

They haven’t outright said this...but what if those aren’t sunglasses?

Is Roland and that other Roland wearing fancy cyber glasses? They are, right? Because they wear them indoors?

Damn, they can’t take a piss without being on call with Kaiba Corp, can they?

Now the problem is...Yugi played all of his cards (he has two in front of him face down, but none in his deck) and after milling himself, this means he’s now basically a sitting duck for Leon to take the title of “King of Games.”

Leon insists that he defend whatever scraps are left of his card honor and not duel a person who is carrying no cards and Yugi was like “COME AT ME BRO THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW I’M ALIVE.”

He didn’t even have to do a horror on Leon, he just...played cards good? I skipped it, I’ll be honest, but overall Leon’s card honor was...saved? Maybe? I mean he also go destroyed when his competitor had not a single card in his duel disk so...

...Leon will have to work on his card honor off screen because he’s pretty well humiliated at this point.

But stumbling onto the playing field like he’s half dazed/daydrunk, Zigfried is like “You forgot I already won, bastards!”

Which is when we find out that Zigfried’s “delete all” virus failed to press “enter” and deleted basically nothing. Just like when my Mom attempts to send something in Gmail but doesn’t press “Send” and tells me that Google is down and broken.

Sorry my bro has informed me that he ALSO has had to help my Mother locate the “Send” button and I just...I know she absolutely did that but I’m in denial that this Riddle of the Sphinx has happened to her multiple times.

Honestly, the pep talk we get from Leon at the end to cheer up his bro was a whole lot of “we will pick ourselves up and we’ll do better next time. Together.” and sure you can translate that as “we’ll be honest next time” or you can translate that as “next time we will be not nearly as obvious about inserting a virus into their computer until it is done doing the job, bro.”

Just like Dartz, we didn’t really get a whole lot of retribution or closure when it comes to Zigfried. But, unlike Dartz, Zigfried didn’t do too much murder, so I guess this is fine. He tried to cheat in a card game...

...and I guess tried to delete Kaiba Corp but youknow...

...people let him have that. The police saw the ticket of “this man tried to delete Kaiba Corp” and they just...didn’t arrest him. The judge saw that ticket and didn’t put out a warrant. They just let Zigfried have this, almost like “better luck next time, ya?”

And then Roland clocked out for the day and went home, thus ending this arc.

Look at all these characters, most of which we never saw duel even one card.

We also got one shot of Mai for some reason although she was not in this arc.

AAAHHHH. Every time I’m like “the show is done screwing geography” we get another freakin geography spook!

But we went back to California in order to get a scene of these guys in an airport to get a flight to Japan...

which means Rex and Weevil just...were they shipped home by the Kaibas? Because way to ditch getting arrested by the American Government, hot damn. They are...literally terrorists who destroyed a Caltrain in a plot to kill everyone in the world so like...really surprised Rex and Weevil are in public...but maybe all the FBI were dead at the time so they just didn’t know?

Meanwhile, Duke has to go back to Death Valley and call a tow truck for his car, RIP.

I sure hope he got PTO during this stunt and isn’t going home to a pink slip.

I’m not sure of Dukes life or anything going on with Duke. I’m sure the thing about Serenity is him joking because we have all forgotten about that girl by this point...but also...is Duke...still living in the Tenderloin? The crime rate is very, very high and the ground isn’t solid, so it will liquefy if there’s an Earthquake, but it is one of the few places in the Bay Area that doesn’t light on fire every year. He has that going for him.

I just really hope Duke moves out of the Tenderloin one of these days, he needs a better life.

Meanwhile, Rebecca does one last crime.

This is like a post-epidemic reaction to a hug, but in 2002(3?).

I don’t think I’ll miss Rebecca too much. Wanted to like her more, but she was under-utilized, like most of the characters on Yugioh. Not even just talking girl characters here--most characters on Yugioh are super under-utilized, just Tristan Wallflowers doing nothing, but also being selectively OP as hell about very specific things they never, ever need to do.

Speaking of the devil:

Yugi...just saved his entire company...

But Mokuba is just has to make sure to make it seem like they owed Mokuba and not the other way around. Just in case.

So off they go on this massive plane. It’s probably more to do with the length of the trip as to why the plane is so big but also...

This plane is overcompensating.

But before we analyze that, lets close the book on Seto Kaiba’s very short therapy arc. Overall, it was a nice distraction, but I can see why people call it a filler arc, as it really doesn’t affect...anything going on in the major plotlines, which makes me think it could have been a movie or a game or something. But overall, it’s not bad, it’s just not what you’d expect if you were a Western audience.

Like I’m preaching to the choir, but typically, Western stories are entirely plot focused, and so our arcs always give or take away from that plot. But in a Eastern story arc, it may instead be character focused, where the climax is a character evolving or coming to some sort of cathartic realization, which this arc was, in a big way. We still had some plot, because this is a Shonen, but overall it was about characters, and specifically whether or not Leon and his bro would reconcile or change--which they did.

We did get to see a little more growth on Seto in that he...didn’t go bonkers and hallucinate during a card game. It’s been a while since we’ve had him not do that. Seto was very chill this arc, which makes sense, it was a very chill slice of life arc for everyone involved.

So, next we move on to the next one, which bro has informed me...is

still not Bakura.

According to Bro, the next arc didn’t even air in the Japanese version of the show? Like he’s got a lot of spicy Yugioh headcanons so he could be wrong (He did tell me that he thought that Zigfried was Seto Kaiba’s ex boyfriend when he saw this as a kid which...that sure is a way to interpret this arc, and it probably wasn’t just my little brother who went down that thought tube there...)

(Bro Note: To be fair, I didn’t watch much of this arc as a kid.)

But he says the next arc was originally a movie. But they released it in the States as episodes to be part of S5, just to put more episodes in there. Which, if he’s correct, makes it seem like we’re getting like the Mulan 2 experience kind of shoved in between this arc and the next

But um..

according to bro it has virtually no card games.

.......

I’m so used to only capping 10 minutes an episode, what?

Anyway, until then, here’s the link to read the rest of these from the start in chrono order:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

I’m kinda itching to do a Season Zero, it’s been a hot minute--so those take a little longer to do, especially since I need to go to a different site I haven’t...checked out yet...I’ll be back...eventually? I just know that at some point in Season Zero they fight it out with yo-yo’s and I want to see it.

[dapper-chicken]

Ok so. Carmen Sandeigo season 3.

I mean. It was alright?? I don’t know, I have mixed feelings with this season, and not because it was only five episodes long - I mean, yeah, that part was a let down, but I heard they had issues with budget cuts, so I get it. It just felt like some parts were?? Off?? Idk, here are some of my takes as a writing minor. Spoilers ahead.

- Did something change?? With the writers?? Something about the characters just felt a little skewed, and at some points it felt like they were parodies of their established character. 

- Like, if Zach was kinda one dimensional before he definitely was this season. There was no attempt to give him any kind of personality aside from Dumb Funny Side Character Man. 

- I was sad Julia got sidelined this season, but I think it was a necessary step for her to be able to later be involved with Carmen without ACME holding her back - since she’s putting an art/history degree to use now, it’s very likely Carmen will have to rob the place she works at later on. And, fingers crossed, maybe we can get some JULIA BECOMING A PART OF TEAM RED BAY-BE

- I really appreciated Devineaux coming to his own conclusion about Carmen, that was some good characterization. 

- What was the deal?? With the dialogue?? That’s that only part of the writing I have any problem with. A lot of the lines where Carmen and VILE are doing their usual banter just felt really stiff, and some just didn’t make any sense at all. It felt like they were trying way too hard with some of it, especially with the line “School is going to be cool” being said in a completely serious context was just. Such dogshit writing. 

- Speaking of Sonia (Was that her name??? I don’t remember??) I actually really wasn’t a fan. Like, her character had SO much potential. Her parallels with Carmen and what she could do for the story were so great but. I think it was a combination of bad character writing and bad voice acting that just made the character really stale. A lot of the lines were said with just not the right tone, (i.e. the ‘School is going to be cool’ line, but to be fair there was no saving that line). Idk, I feel like they just threw that character away with how they wrote her. Like, when she saved Carmen on the plane, It was because it was a line she wouldn’t cross, like Carmen said, but it was really kind of out of the blue I guess?? I wish Sonia would’ve been told more about why Carmen was there so she could get a full grasp of what she was getting herself into, and her connection with Carmen would’ve been established more. 

- We stan Shadow-san getting that familial redemption. That episode was the best in the season imo. And NOT just because My Boy was in it (I’ll get to that later). Shadow-san was actually really good this season, I really enjoyed the found family dynamic he has with Carmen and being able to reconcile with his brother. 

- FOUND FAMILY!!!!

- I was surprised at how Halloween based this season was. I see it now that a user pointed it out that it was a way for the writers to use masks as a literal and figurative driving force in the plot, which was actually Really Good so kudos to them.

- Countess Cleo seemed a bit out of character this season. Like, with the scene where they dig into candy she’s straight up eating cheap Halloween candy. Which is. Kind of against everything her character stand for. Indulging in excess fits, but indulging in something that, in her eyes, would be so lower class was really surprising. 

- Also can I talk about the faculty for a sec? I know a lot of people enjoyed the faculty getting really into Halloween but for some reason I didn’t get into it. I feel like a lot of it made the faculty into a kind of comedic relief, which took away from a lot of the threat they’re supposed to have. They didn’t feel intimidating this season, they just felt like they were… There (all except for Roundabout). The dressing up and goofing around felt out of character too. I know it humanizes them a lot, but I feel like an international evil empire isn’t going to put up Halloween decorations, and if they were its going to be Top Of The Line Shit. I feel like going full clown was a little much even for Maelstrom. I feel like they could have gotten the same idea across and it might have even been better if they just gave him a single clown nose on top of his usual attire. It would have made for some (in my opinion) better visual humor. Then again, I have to keep reminding myself that this show is directed at a younger audience and I really shouldn’t be as critical as I am about it given that fact, but they set a really high bar for themselves with season 1. 

- You know now that I think about it the faculty being given some comic relief this season would have been fine if they didn’t drive Zach’s character into the ground for it at the same time. Like, they’re milking Zach for all the not great comic relief they can, and are at the same time trying to do it with the faculty, which just makes everything feel a little campy.

- You know what was great comic relief????

- TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE MAN OF THE HOUR, BOYS.

- LETS TALK ABOUT MIME BOMB. LETS TALK ABOUT MIME BOMB.

- Oh my god. Oh m y go d. This. This guy. When I tell you I laughed at all of Neal and Mime Bombs scenes I am not joking. The dynamic between these two was golden. Just. *Chefs kiss*. 

- Mime Bombs visual humor was fucking outstanding. The miming at the closed window, pretending to untie the boat, just everything he did was so FUCKING GOOD.

- And can we talk about Neal??? Personally I wasn’t a Slime Bomb shipper, but these two were written so well together that I’m actually starting to reconsider. Neal is just so great. He makes every character he’s with all the better, and just has such a great dynamic. 

- FUCK I loved this episode. 

- I love how they made Mime Bomb kinda fugly so they wouldn’t have to deal with the thirst this time around, but y’all FAILED LMAO. 

- I Can And Will Smooch The Mime What About It.

- I like that they didn’t find Carmen’s mom yet. It’s not great how they stop looking after the first episode, but I feel like finding her mom in just 5 episodes would have felt so incredibly rushed. 

- Women wrestling. WOMEN WRESTLING . 

- The final episode was good. You knew Carmen was gonna get out of it somehow but it felt like a nice final episode. It left some good cliffhangers and felt like a nice tie to what was an entirely too short season. Can’t wait to see how ACME handles Gray. 

- I was disappointed some of the OG cast in VILE didn’t get screen time, but it was, again, only 5 episodes, so there really wasn’t anything they could do about it. 

- I am not a fan of The Troll. Like, his character is needed, because eventually VILE would need a natural counter to Player, cause that’s just how things need to play out, but I think he’s going to be a victim of writing. Like, his introduction establishes his ties to internet culture with that glasses drop meme and that in of itself is going to kill this character. Like, I’m so scared he’s going to fall victim to what every show tries to do, and that’s the ‘What’s up fellow cool kids’ (And by that I mean reference internet humor and trends, which will ultimately do nothing but date the show). Like, The Troll has SO MUCH POTENTIAL. WE’VE NEEDED AN EVIL COUNTER TO PLAYER FOR A WHILE NOW BUT DON’T MAKE THAT COUNTER PART A GUY WHO TALKS LIKE HE’S FROM R/INCELS. 

- With all that being said, I really do still care for the show. I was lowkey disappointed with this season but I look forward to seeing what they do in the future and still hold a lot of love for this show in my heart. Fingers crossed for another season!!!

[sortasirius]

Hello everyone, long time no extremely long text post about SPN from me.  Is this a meta?  Idk, it may just be my own rambling over SPN that I’ve never actually written down.

Every day I wish I could forget Supernatural and move on and every day I fucking fail.

I’ve heard so many people, my friends included, say they just consider SPN ending at 15x18, and as much as I wish I could do that, as much as I wish I could just accept 15x18 as the ending and not acknowledge the last two episodes, I’ve decided it’s impossible for me.  Maybe it’s just because I can’t accept an ending that is, at it’s core, incomplete, whether that’s the finale or 15x18, maybe it’s because, if 15x18 is our ending, Dean’s journey is left at even more of a cliffhanger than it is in the actual finale.

No matter how I look at it, no matter how much I wish I didn’t feel this way, the final two episodes tainted 15x18 for me.  I can’t think about it now without getting a little angry (though that anger is a lot less...intense than it was right after the finale). I can’t hear Cas’ speech without thinking about what was cut out, what we’ll never be able to see, what was taken not only from us, but from Dean, so much from Dean.  How can I feel like the end of the show is Dean crumpled on the floor, never being allowed to speak his truth, without even the idea that he could see Cas again?  I hate the finale, hated almost everything about it, but at least Dean’s closure with Cas was a possibility there, at least I could fill in the many, many blanks myself.

I’ve tried so hard to work through the anger, the rage, the disbelief at what the end of the show I hyped up for so long, and I feel like I’m being torn in half, even nearly five months after the fact.  I want to write for y’all, I want to do a rewatch and do more meta, I want to write hundreds of fics, but every time I start I find myself looking back at the finale, at what still feels like a stinging betrayal (yes, I know it’s just a tv show lol).

I’ve also seen so many people say they can’t wait for Jensen to reboot the show with Chaos Machine, and I know I’m in the vast minority here, but nothing he does can fix what happened, not unless he decides to do a shot for shot recreation of Dabb’s script prior to any cuts.  I know that is beyond incredibly unlikely to happen, but the ending is just like a black hole, so little of it makes sense, and I think that’s been the most difficult thing for me to process from it.  If it was decent but not what I wanted, I might be more excited about the prospect of a reboot, but realistically I know that the reboot will be a different story, and I don’t know how I’d be able to move past the finale, move past the fact that I will never be able to see the conclusion of a story that I so deeply loved.

Also...I just don’t want Jensen to have executive producer say in what happens if and when they reboot the show.  I love Jensen, I love him with all my heart, but there’s a reason that he’s not a writer, not a showrunner.  He has, for years, shown that he unequivocally understands Dean from the inside, but I worry about the decisions he’ll make regarding Dean from the outside, as he’s never looked at Dean that way and has, more than once, said things that Dean feels packaged as the way things are.

Maybe, if they decided to do Wayward Sisters, with Dean, Cas, Sam, Jack as minor characters rather than major, maybe that would make it more palatable to me, but the idea of a miniseries about a hunt?  Or a big bad?  Or Sam and Dean having brother time?  I just don’t think I can stomach it tbh, how can I stomach it when all I can think of is the last true mention of Cas was Dean hearing that Cas was in love with him, only for him to, completely inexplicably, never be mentioned again?  Like when you create a story like that and aren’t allowed to finish it, everything else just seems hollow in comparison.

I just...I know I’ve said this before but I just hated what happened for Dean.  Like the way his story ended was so wrong, so hollow, so weird with that final scene with Sam.  I just hate that no matter what, whether you view the show ending at 18 or 20, Dean is the one who gets shafted.  Sam gets shafted too, for sure, but Dean?  All that growth he went through, all that pain and heartbreak and reflection throughout the season with Cas, with Lee, with Jack, with Sam, with Mary, all of it is either left with him on the floor without speaking his truth to Cas, or driving around in circles for 40 years, totally alone.  I think that’s what made me the angriest, that Dean, this character that was so beautifully created, so masterfully created, partially by design, partially by pure accident, never got the closure to his arc that he so desperately deserved.

Bobby says to him, in the finale, that they were in the Heaven Dean deserved, but it never feels like it.  Dean has always been happiest surrounded by people, and the fact that he is, apparently, left without anyone and completely without a purpose without Sam?  It’s not only just plain wrong, it’s ridiculous.  I just wish, more than anything, that we could get the ending we were clearly supposed to have, and the fact that we likely won’t ever really know what we were supposed to have, like what the true original vision was, that’s what makes me so upset.

I think I’ve tried too much to forget SPN, and I’m sorry for that.  I miss writing about it, I miss writing fic and writing meta, I miss writing about Dean.  I want to get back to that, and even though I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to love it as blindly as I did before the finale, I’d at least like to try.