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everythingwrongwithizumi · 3 months

Note

would you write angst for twd negan? reader getting injured ?

To Be Loved

pairing: Negan Smith x fem!reader

warning: MNDI, 18+, slight smut, cussing, sexual harassment, graphic depictions of sexual assault, depression, anxiety, suicide, death, self harm, angst, angst with happy ending?, reader is described to have certain physical attributes, mentions of sexual assault, mention of battered wife syndrome, let me know if you see anymore

w/c: 8k (Zoo Wee Mama)

a/n: Jeez, yea this was a lot. I’m gonna make a separate post about it but if you need someone to talk to or you know someone that has been or you have been sexually assaulted please don’t hesitate to reach out for help or to talk about it. Men and women and Non binary’s you guys are strong keep your head up!!

National Sexual Assault Line

800-656-HOPE (4673)

I had to do it. I had to give up my mind, body, and soul to save my older brother. I owed him everything, he was the reason I was still alive after all this time. We would spend our days scavenging for food and sometimes we’d forget to even look for food.

We only cared for each other and we would never go anywhere without each other. So when he got sick I didn’t know what to do. I would sit there and watch as he had his eight coughing fit that day sometimes blood came out.

He would give me this look, a look that said *Just leave me here to die and fight to survive.* I couldn’t. And I wouldn’t, “You need to drink this man.” He would just look at me with that look before taking a sip.

“I’m gonna go and see if I can find some more water. This shitty town has to have some bottles floating around,” as soon as I got up from my crouching position I felt his hand grip my ankle. “The only thing floating around is your brain. Use it and get the hell outta here,” I stood in shock at his words.

Sure, he’s one sarcastic son of a bitch, but we always did things together and he never gave up, even when the whole world was against him or in this case trying to kill him he never gave up. “Shut up,” was all I said as I released myself from his grasp and exited the department store we(I) cleared.

I looked around and heard an engine nearby. It sounded like a car so I quickly took my knife out and begun sneaking around some buildings to get to the convenient store. Once I made it to the entrance and began to open the door bullets came flying from behind me.

I quickly ran inside to take cover. The loud noises surely drew those dead freaks out. Not wanting to waste anymore time I sprinted to the back where the fridges were. As I began to look for water I heard the crunching of shattered glass being stepped on.

“Which way do you think she went,” one of them asked, his voice was heavy and sounded mean. “Can’t we just kill her and go one with our day,” the other man sighed and it sounded like he kicked something out of the way because soon a thud followed.

“You know what Negan said about the girls, besides he saw her himself sitting in his damn ass in that car,” hearing that told me everything I needed to know. Just like my brother said, men nowadays don’t want to kill women, they want to take them and do things to them.

Shivering at the thought I carefully snuck around some aisles before approaching one of the men who had picked up a stuffed animal near the front. Taking a quick glance at my surroundings I snuck up to the man and shoved my knife in his throat, not allowing him to make any noises other than soft gurgling and throwing his arms around.

I placed him on the floor softly to not attract noise, “Oh shit!” I heard gun fire in the store and I looked around me. There were those dead things coming after the other guy. Taking my chance I ran to pick up the last three water bottles in the fridges before bolting out the back.

Hearing some more gunfire I quickly made my way back to where my brother was. I nearly dropped the water bottles soon seeing four men guarding the entrance. I grumbled to myself and decided to take a different route to get inside.

Once I entered through the back which stupidly enough was not guarded I took down two more of the men in the department store where my brother is. I attempted to make my way into the room he was in before big arms wrapped around me.

I wasn’t a small tiny person but I wasn’t big either. My family had a history of tall kids so I took advantage and threw my head back making contact with his nose. I wanted to rub the part his nose made contact with but I had no time as another pair of arms wrapped around my neck pulling me back and before I knew it, my feet were off the ground.

I was being carried from my arms and my feet. No matter how much I kept moving their arms were not budging. “Well, well, well, what do we have here,” A voice boomed from in front of me as I was thrown into the floor.

A grunt left my lips, “What the hell? Is that anyway to treat a lady?” The man faked sincerity, throwing a hand to his chest. The two men mumbled an apology to him and he simply shook his head before looking down at me, “My names Negan, what’s yours?” Pushing myself up to look at him I nearly fell back at how close he was to me.

He was crouching in front of me with a grin on his face. He was handsome, I’ll give him that, but nothing disgusts me more than evil men. “Y/N,” I quickly spit out causing him to nod before looking behind him.

“Was that your brother,” my eyes shot up at his choice of wording. Fearing the worst I shot up to check to see if he was dead before I was held down by Negan. “Woah! Calm down pretty lady, he’s alive, buuut he’s not doing so good.”

I sniffed and attempted to back up before I felt something poke the back of my head. I turned to see two guns pointed at my head, no doubt on orders by whoever the hell this guy was.

I looked back at him as he looked deep in thought before feeling his eyes wonder on my body. I suddenly felt naked even though I had more than enough clothes on. I wanted to shield myself and hide away with my brother.

“I have an idea,” Negan grinned from ear to ear. My eyebrow raised as I watched him stand up and pick his bat up. Shit. That thing had barbed wire around it. My eyes widened in shock as I was sure he was going to kill me.

Instead he crouched down in front of me again this time his bat was resting on his shoulder, “How about I put your boyfriend out of his misery and take you with me so you can serve under me OR,” he exaggerated the or.

“He comes with us and we treat him under the condition you marry me.”

I chose the latter in hopes to see my brother at his best again. I couldn’t live in a world without him, I just couldn’t. So reluctantly I sat next to Negan as we made our way back to where he called “The Sanctuary “

“So, how long have you and your boyfriend been a thing,” Negan nudged my shoulder lightly to get a response out of me. God I hated the way he looked. He looked so happy and carefree, like nothing in the world was wrong, like everything was just perfect the way it was.

Side eyeing him I responded with disgust, “That’s my brother dip shit.” This only caused him to laugh and the driver next to me to give a chuckle. “You got some spunk to you, I like it,” was the last thing he said before we arrived.

I was met with a woman in a nice black dress. She looked beautiful… Negan introduced me to her and everyone else who was kneeling before him as his new wife. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my sickly brothers eyes widen as he was taken inside by a man in a white coat.

Once I was inside I was escorted by Negan himself into a room with sofas and other luxury furniture. “Hi, I’m Sherry I’m sorta new. Frankie and Tanya have been here for a minute but don’t worry, you’ll be taken care of and treated like a queen, hopefully,” she didn’t think I heard it as her back was now turned to me but I did. I heard that last word.

She showed me to a room nearby and gave me a mini tour. The room was nice it had a full bed, a kitchenette, a loveseat, a table with two chairs, and a bathroom that had a big shower. I stared in awe and she just smiled sympathetically at me.

“You should clean up, I left you some clothes and shoes change into them and give me your clothes your wearing now when you’re done,” Sherry pointed towards the small dress and heels placed on the bed. I turned to her with a raised brow.

She just shook her head, “You have to wear it if you’re gonna be his wife,” my eyes widened in realization that those girls were also his wife. I wanted to just take my brother and run away from here, but this place was a luxury and I still needed to locate my brother.

Giving her a nod she smiled before leaving the room not bothering to lock it. I didn’t care though, a shower sounded like something I needed. I spotted razors and a variety of different soaps. I smiled at the sight and remembrance of when I would spend hours in the shower shaving every crevice of my body.

So I did just that and two hours later with a slight headache, wobbly legs, and tired arms I got dressed. The dress was a bit tight around my chest and waist but flowed a bit at the bottom. A silk A-Line dress with a slight corseted top. My boobs were a problem in itself, they were practically spilling out and anytime I tried to pull it up I felt the air on my ass. Sighing I went with having my chest out rather than my butt.

It didn’t help that the bra I was given wouldn’t fit with the dress and the underwear I was given was a thong that went right up my ass. The heels were strappy and relatively low, thankfully. I turned to open the door but it was opened for me instead.

I made eye contact with Sherry as she looked down at me and smiled, “If I didn’t have a boyfriend and a husband, I’d be all over you.” I blushed lightly at her comment and she took my hand. “Come on, the girls wanted to do your make up and hair, show you the ropes and rules.”

“I know how to wear makeup and do my hair,” I deadpanned as we approached the familiar room with the sofas. “Not the way Negan likes it, he’s pretty picky with this kinda stuff,” she explains and ai only nod in understanding not that she can see me as she’s pulling me into the room.

There was a mirror set up and a chair in it’s some hair tools and a makeup bag. Frankie pulled me to sit down and Sherry sat across from me on the counter holding the mirror. I looked up at her and we smiled at each other. Frankie and Tanya got to work on my hair. Now that my hair had somewhat dried they put stuff in it and blow dried it then they began to curl it.

After that they pinned my hair in place before moving onto makeup. I felt like a doll as the girls lightly touched my face applying the product. Giving one spray they stepped back as I looked in the mirror.

What the hell? I could barely recognize myself. I wanted to take the mirror and throw it out the window. “I hope you memorized everything we did because all this stuff is yours now. It’ll be delivered to your room in a bit but Negan wants a small ceremony to show you off,” Tanya spoke folding her arms over her chest.

It all made sense now and I could only nod. They began to clean themselves up and a man came in with some food on a platter, placed it on the coffee table, then he left. “Let’s dig in,” Frankie said and the girls all walked over to the platter.

I watched as they slowly picked apart the plate and left some to the side, no doubt for me. Sherry motioned for me to sit by her and I did. “How are you guys handling this so well,” I ask, my throat a little dry from not talking a lot. Tanya got up and went to the fridge and Frankie sighed.

“He gave you an ultimatum didn’t he? Look he isn’t a bad guy, he just does bad things,” I scoffed at her words. “It’s true. Believe it or not…he saved us. He gave us an out and if I have to kiss him or have sex with him every now and then I’ll do it because I know that I’m safe and so is my baby sister,” My eyes widen at her words.

Kiss? Sex? Saved?! It sounded like a bad case of battered wife syndrome. I sighed and shook my head, “I have to have sex with him,” I ask in disbelief. “Well no. I just do it because he’s hot and has a big dick, but he won’t force you to do anything. Kissing though, he doesn’t like to be embarrassed so even a peck on the lips will suffice,” Frankie explains and Tanya snorts as she comes back with a bottle of water for me.

It was cold… I stare at the bottle while Tanya teases Frankie about her relationship with Negan but I pay no mind. My brother… where is he… I need to see him… I can’t do this without him.

I was interrupted by my thoughts before the tears came by a man, “He’s ready for you, Y/N.” Sherry stands up and offers a hand. I take it and we follow the man through hallways before spitting Negan standing at the edge of a ledge, fencing stopping him from a long way down filled with people kneeling.

He turns to me and I watch as his eyes visibly widen and his mouth nearly hangs open. Sherry squeezes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. I give her the same back as she leaves me to join the other girls.

My attention is turned back to Negan when he clears his throat and offers his own hand. That’s when I spot it, there’s a box in his pocket. I sigh as I take his hand and we walk to the end of the ledge where Negan allows everyone to stop kneeling.

A man comes up from behind us and we’re soon facing each other. The man begins to speak words that were going through one ear and out of the other. That’s when I spot him. My eyes widen and I feel my hand twitch, my brother was staring at me with hard eyes, but he looked visibly better.

“I do.”

My attention is snatched back to Negan and the man, so this is what weddings are like? Negan grins at me as it was not my turn to say the words. “I do,” I speak softly “you may now kiss the bride,” the man states before backing up.

My eyes widen and Negan steps closer to me placing his hands on my waist, his next words shocking me and sending waves to my core, “Is this okay?”

I stutter out a yes and he pulls me close and gives me a firm kiss on my lips. My first one… I hear applause from all around us and I feel Negans lips turn into a smile against mine.

It had been about a week and adjusting to this life was…hard, but for my brother it had to be done. Speaking of, I was allowed to see him today. Nerves shook through my hands as this would be the first time I see him since that day he was nearly huffing out blood on me.

I cringe at the memory as I exit my room. The hallways was a little dingy but there was enough light to see who stood at the ends of the halls or who sweeps them. My thoughts were interrupted by a big burly man and two other guys a bit smaller than him. “Look who we have here, names Clyde,” I roll my eyes and cross my arms but then I see his eyes wander to my chest.

“She’s a sexy little thing isn’t she,” one of the guys behind Clyde speaks causing him to grin, “oh she’s not little in certain areas,” he bit his lip and walked close to me but I kept walking back. “You better not tell Negan, or I’ll have to make sure you never speak about anything to anyone ever again, got it sweet cheeks,” Clyde bit his lips and placed his hand under my chin.

The other guys behind him resorted in blatant insult, “I bet that sluts always on her knees for him. Dress like a whore, look like a wore, bet she fucks like one too,” I spit at Clyde causing his eyes to darken. “You shouldn’t have done that bitch—“

“Y/N!” My body was frozen in fear from the look he was giving me and I turn my head to see Sherry walking up to us. “Back off Clyde. Go shove your dick in a walker,” Sherry grabbed my arms and pulled me away. At first she seemed mad and angry, the grip on my arm hurt but then I looked closer at her body language.

The hand in my arm was shivering and the other hand was balled into a fist also shaking… she was scared of him too. I hear a scoff “That’s not true,” he sounded more like a child now. Sherry only rolled her eyes before dragging me to our room with the sofas.

In this lighting I could finally see the fear behind her, “That was Clyde, Andrew, and Nick… Stay away from them.” Before I could respond Frankie and Tanya greeted me. After the hugs I explained that I needed to go see my brother and excused myself.

“Be careful,” I heard from behind me, it was Sherry.

The way towards the medical wing was… interesting. I nearly got lost and had to ask a guy with a giant letter on his dirty sweatshirt. I forgot the letter and was pointed in the right direction. I wasn’t stupid I knew his eyes weren’t on the ground they were on me, more specifically my chest.

I shivered at the coldness as I entered the medical area. “You must be Y/N,” I heard a voice from beside me a turned to see a man in a white coat, he looked ginger. “What gave it away,” I asked softly causing him to smile, “I’m Doctor Carson. I’ve been taking care of your brother these past couple of weeks.”

“Has it been that long,” I accidentally speak out in front of him causing him the chuckle “I’m afraid so. He’s been waiting for you and don’t worry if he’s snappy. He just learned his sister is married,” he gave me a gentle smile. I nod and make my way to his room area.

“You look like shit,” I speak out to my brother who is currently looking out of a small window having to crane his neck to see. His head whips over to where I’m at and he scoffs “You look even worse.”

I smile softly and approach, my heels clicking on the floor. I sat on his bed and we sat in silence before I spoke up. “I had no choice… it was either he killed you or he treated you either way I’d still be here… I didn’t have a choice… I can’t live without you,” before I knew it there were small droplets placing themselves on the backs of my hands.

“I…. I know. And I understand, just—just…if he fucks with you he fucks with me okay,” I nod at his words and smirk before turning my head to finally face him. He looked so much better and his voice was now clear and not hoarse like it used to be.

“N-Not like that! Idiot,” He nearly shouts causing me to laugh. For the first time in a long time I laughed, and it was because of my brother. “I didn’t even say anything bozo,” he started laughing and then I laughed harder at his laugh.

We both sighed before I leaned forward to hug him, my arms wrapping around his waist, “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m gonna talk to Negan and tell him to move you next door to me,” I mumble loud enough for him to hear me. He chuckles and rubs my back, “If he listens to you.”

I look up at him and give him a weird look but he shakes his head as if to say it’s nothing, but I give him a look that tells him bitch tell me. He sighs and leans closer so I can only hear.

“They thought I was asleep and I over heard some guys were threatening to overthrown Negan. Negan heard and he was fuckin furious I mean he didn’t say it but the way his voice sounded gave me chills. Be careful okay,” I pulled away in disbelief and shock. I give him a nod before we were interrupted by Dr. Carson.

“Visiting time is up,” he gives us a smile and I return one as does my brother. “I’ll see you soon,” I tell him and he waves me off like he jokingly doesn’t believe me. I just didn’t think I’d see him the same day…

After hearing what my brother said about some guys trying to overthrow Negan I made my way to his bedroom. I wasn’t 100% sure he was there but one of the guys mopping told me he should be there, so I made my way to his door.

I knocked for about three times before twisting the nob. My ears filled with moans and screams of pleasure as the door opened wider. My hand left the nob and my eyes went to the sofas in the room where Frankie was on top of Negan with no clothes on.

She was bouncing up and down in him with her hands in her hair moaning rather loudly it’s a wonder I didn’t hear it from outside which probably meant the room was sound proof. I made eye contact with Negan and as soon as I did he shouted, “Oh fuck!”

Frankie turned to look where Negan was looking and gasped before getting off of him and slipping her dress back in then grabbing her heals and leaving the room. She placed one if her hands on my shoulder in a reassuring manner.

I couldn’t help but feel a little upset. Sure we may not be a real couple but I always believed in marrying out of love. And that’s what I did. I married Negan, not because I love him but because I love my brother and I would do anything for him.

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting and instead of looking down at Negans…well little Negan I turned to face his bed instead of straight ahead at him. He sighed and pulled his pants up, leaving his shirt off.

“I told you to wait a minute,” his voice was low and sounded slightly irritated. “I-I didn’t hear it,” I responded and heard him sigh. “Well what is it? You know you have to schedule meetings with me. I don’t like being interrupted and I certainly don’t like unplanned meetings,” okay now he really sounded irritated. He sat in the same position as before on the couch with his legs spread wide.

I clear my throat and shut the door and saw as his eyebrow raised and a smirk grew, “My girls ready isn’t she.” I nearly gagged as I stood before him. “I think I know who wants to take you down,” now hearing that made him sit up “how did you—“

Accidentally I interrupted him “Clyde, Andrew, and uhh what was his name oh yea Ni—“ Negan put his hand up as if to silence me. “Let me stop you right there sweetheart. First you ignore my words and break into my quarters anyway, then you interrupt my sex, then you keep interrupting me when I speak which I should let you know is punishable by death, and NOW your accusing some of MY closest men of treason. Tsk tsk I oughta hang you on the fence,” his voice was laced with venom as his words became harsher by the second.

I could feel the tears fill my eyes as he continued, “Maybe, since you wanna go around accusing people of such shit I should go and make an example out of your brother. Take out his eye? Make you cut off his arm?” My lip begins to quiver as he speaks and I shake my head “N-No please no—“

“Shut the fuck up! I’m tired of you whining when all I’ve done was help you. You should be paying me with your body for wasting so much shit in your brother. This was a mistake, I should’ve just killed you both when I had the chance,” Negan grumbled the last sentence before bringing his hand down his face.

“Leave, I don’t every wanna see or hear you walked into my room with or with out permission or else Lucille is gonna have a nice wet date with your brother,” as soon as he said brother a small sob escaped my lips as I sped walked out of his room.

I wasn’t looking up, I couldn’t. The tears were already coming out and if it wasn’t for all the things he told me the embarrassment from whispers in the halls caused my face to swell with heat.

I continued down the halls not picking my head up and soon the whispers were gone and I was met with the light hum of the dim lights. I sighed and accidentally let out another sob and I pressed my back to a wall and slid down placing my head in my knees.

“Well look at what we have here,” my body froze at the disgustingly familiar voice. I looked up to see Clyde with his buddies Andrew and that other guy. They stood on either side of me quite literally backing me into a corner.

I looked around for help before trying to make a break for the end of the hall but was stopped when a pear of big arms wrapped around my waist and pressed me against him. “Nah ah sweet cheeks, I told you what would happen if you told Negan. Well, hearing about what happened, he probably won’t miss you once we’re done with you,” his breath was hot in my back sending the terrifying kind of shivers down my body.

I tried to fight back I really did…. But there’s a moment when you fight for so long it doesn’t feel worth it anymore. I kicked and tried to scream for what felt like hours. My body squirmed but I was only met with harsh beatings to my body.

I tried to cry out but my mouth was filled with something else—something that made me want to dissolve into a liquid matter and evaporate into nothingness. I felt disgusting and putrid. My wrists felt like they were gonna break, my head was pounding so hard the world felt like it was shaking in a category 5 earthquake, my chest my body was being tossed and turned in ways it shouldn’t.

I could swear I heard a crack and all I could hear were the grunts and laughter filling my ears. The disgusting words thrown at me making me feel smaller than ever. I didn’t even notice they were done until again all I could hear was the familiar hum of the light above me. I felt the cold air on my body and turned to see my dress completely discarded and torn.

I heard my name being called before I blacked out and felt the wet sting of my tears fall from my eyes.

I heard it again, that familiar hum of the lights only now it was louder causing my upper body to shoot upwards. I looked around with wide eyes, it was significantly brighter the walls were stained but they were still somewhat white. I tried to hide myself and felt sheets on my lower half and looked down to see a gown… wait a minute… this is…

“You’re awake,” I hear a voice from my right softly call. I turned to see Sherry, she looked tired and like she had been crying. “The others don’t know. No one else knows… except for me and Dr. Carson. I forced him to uh do the kit while you were unconscious. I’m sorry I just didn’t want you to relive….that” it all came back to me as my lower lip quivered.

She carefully got up and wrapped me in a hug shushing me as I sobbed into her. She held me and I heard footsteps approaching and a door opening. “She’s awake?” It was Dr. Carson.

Sherry pulled away from me and went to sit back in the metal chair but I held her hand and looked at her and the a pleading look. She understood and took a seat at the end of my feet and rubbed them gently. The act intimate causing me to tear up.

“I know it’s scary. And I’m so terribly sorry for what happened. I usually used this room for surgeries but considering what happened I assumed you didn’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of men groaning in pain,” He spoke softly as he sat in the metal chair by my bed.

“I… I would ask you who did this but from what Sherry tells me I’m sure I have an idea. I’ll let Negan kno—“

“No!” I shouted rather loudly and came off pretty snappy. Sherry even flinched while Dr. Carson only sighed, “This could happen again if he isn’t notified, c’mon Sherry you know this,” he was now pleading to the both of us. I looked at Sherry with wide eyes and she only shook her head.

“It wasn’t as bad as yours and it was a different person. He’s dead now,” she explained causing me to nod softly. “I-I can’t. I don’t want to talk to him or see him or even hear about him,” I spat out to no one in particular and Carson just nodded once again.

“I’m gonna need to keep you here over night and make sure nothing happens and that this was all superficial—of course it isn’t-mentally I mean, but uh I’m sorry this is my first time dealing with something this bad,” Dr. Carson stumbled over his words but I got the memo.

“Me too…”

Dr. Carson explained that the bruising in my legs, arms, torso, back, chest, bottom, and neck should go away in a couple of days and if anything gets worse then I should come back immediately. I turned him out after and Sherry listened to what I need to look out for and how to take care of myself.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Most days I spent in my room staring out the window. The bruises on my lower legs and neck had disappeared but the ones on my arms, chest, and back were still pretty prominent so I had to go bad to wearing that stupid black dress only this time Sherry picked out a different one. It covered more skin and my chest, it was also a bit longer than the last.

She told me she had burned the other one and that she covered for me to Negan and anyone who asked where I was. “I was in my period and there was too much blood and the cramps were awful,” I kept repeating this to myself just about every day.

I hadn’t seen or spoken to my brother and I know he saw me leave the medical area. I missed him but I couldn’t face him, I couldn’t face anyone, not even myself. I punched the mirror in a rage and sat on my bed as my hand bled.

Sherry came by that night. I think she’s like superwoman, she always came when I need her… usually. She helped clean my hand then we both cleaned my bathroom together.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it but now because my dress had sleeves I felt like Ben more compelled as the blade glided through my arm. In that instance I felt my worries wash through me. The water from the shower definitely helped clean it.

When I got out I got some bandages from my first aid kit and wrapped them lightly so they wouldn’t cause a bulge in my dress. I made my way to our room and found it empty.

Nervously my eyes darted around the room and landed on the door more than a few times. Annoyed at my paranoia I got up to get something to eat from the fridge. The opening of the fridge was loud enough to cover the opening of the door to the room.

I found what made my belly grumble and I reached for the pickle jar. Pulling it out and sighing constantly I scream in shock at Negan by the fridge with his arms over his chest. He too jump in shock his eyes wide “Jesus Christ!”

I ended up dropping the jar by my feet, the juice splashed on my feet. I looked down at my feet and the now smashed jar of pickles not wanting to look at Negan. “I’m sorry,” I gave a bow and went to exit the room quickly until a hand wrapped around my arm, that arm….

I shouted in pain rather loudly causing him to let go of me in fear he held me too hard. It wasn’t until I saw him look at his hand that was slightly damp with blood, my blood. Damn… I should’ve put more bandages over it.

“What the hell,” his voice was now confused as he stared at the blood on his hand then looked at my arm. His eyes narrowed as he grabbed my wrist causing me to hiss in pain and carefully pealed back to soaked black fabric.

The first thing he saw was the soaked bandage then his eyes wandered to the bruise leaking out from the folded over sleeve. He took my other wrist gently and pulled me in the direction of his room.

Entering his room I was filled with a familiar feeling of dread and shame. His voice ringing in my ears from that day. I didn’t want to look up, I couldn’t, afraid he’d call me names and ridicule me further. He pulled me down to sit on the sofa in front of him.

I could feel his eyes scan over me, but it didn’t feel like it used to. Was it… pity? Disgust? Disappointment? Maybe even hatred?

“You did that,” he nodded towards my arms. I stared at the soft carpet beneath my feet, “Why?” His voice caught me off guard. He sounded sincere but I wasn’t a fool“It was my fault wasn’t it? You’re not happy.” I didn’t say anything and we sat there in silence.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were unhappy? You know you can come to me for anything,” His voice was soft but my head shot up as soon as the sentence left his mouth.

Rage. Anger. Guilt. Shame. I stood up and stared straight at him and I saw his face, it was firm but his eyes told me he was concerned and confused. I wanted to laugh at him, “You wanna know why I’m so goddamn unhappy?” I nearly shouted at him.

I leaned down to insta my shoes and reached for the hem of my dress pulling it over my body then my head. I threw the dress in the floor and watched as his eyes widened. I couldn’t help it, I was my fathers daughter and when looking in the face of confrontation I get enraged.

“This. This was you. All you! I tried—“ my voice caught in my throat as I tried not to choke up. “I tried to come for you to help and you DIDN’T CARE. Instead you ridicule me and embarrass me! Clyde. Andrew. And Nate,” I couldn’t help the chuckle that came out as I shook my head closing my eyes. “Some husband you are.”

After I said that he shot up out of his seat. I expect him to scream in my face but he only walked out the door, slamming it shut so hard the room shook. I flinched at the loud noise and vibrations before mentally gathering that he did in fact not care.

What was I thinking? I’m such a fucking idiot. After I got dressed I walked to the medical area. I needed to see my brother, I needed to cry to him. I needed… to feel like I mattered.

Once I entered the medical area I noticed Dr. Carson hunched over his desk. I slammed my hands on his desk causing him to shoot up. “Where is he,” I asked rather calmly in attempts to sound composed, though I felt the complete opposite.

I know my brother was discharged a day ago from here, but he needed check ups. Carson’s face contorted into one from confusion to despair. “Y/N… I th—I think you should sit down…” He stood up and pointed to the chair beside me. “Tell me where he is or I’ll burn this entire unit down,” I snapped at him.

I didn’t want to believe it. “He’s gone, Y/N,” my head snapped to the voice in the doorway. Negan. “Shut up! You have no right to be here!” I shouted at the man as I walked over to him practically shoving my finger in his face. “I own this place, Y/N… He was… murde—“

“I said shut the fuck up!” I shouted in Negans face. He only looked at me with sympathy and sincerity “Stop it! Stop that! Stop looking at me like that! It makes me sick,” I spat at him.

He only sigh and gave a nod to Carson who left the us alone in his office. “Looking at you like what,” Negan egged on curiosity getting the best of him. “Like you give a damn about me! You don’t care about me! You just want women to fuck! You are as heartless as a stupid fucking rock! You do things and say things but you don’t mean them,” I shouted at him my chest rising and falling from anger.

“I love you,” he spoke softly looking at me with an unfamiliar look. That pissed me off. “No you don’t! Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” I began hitting his chest and he stood there taking it. I only stopped when his hands grabbed my wrist pulling me into him.

His body heat and warm scent filled my nostrils, that and the smell of the medical wing caused an overwhelming amount of emotions to flood my senses. I began to sob into his chest and I felt his arms wrap around me pulling me into him as we shifted to the ground.

“He’s not—he can’t be!” I let out a painful cry and he responded with brushing my hair down with his hand and rubbing my back, just like how my brother did. I couldn’t take it and I gave in, wrapping my arms around his waist as I wailed into his chest.

After about an hour and a half I was now down to hiccups and sniffles, still in the same position as before. I felt Negans lips press into my head, “He was out in a run with Clyde and Nick… they just got back and… came back with his head. I asked why they had just the head and they said to put it on a stick because he tried to kill them,” my grip tightened around Negan as the tears came flooding back.

“Why?” My voice was weak and hoarse from my previous sobs and wails. I felt him sigh against my cheek, “I asked them the sam—“

“Why did you tell me you loved me,” it seems my question caught him off guard. His hands grasped my shoulders and pulled me back gently so he could look me in the eyes.

“I told you I love you because I do. I love the way you smile, the way your hair looks when it’s not curled, the way your face is when there’s no makeup on it, the way you dress when your not wearing your dress,” my eyes widened in shock at his confession. I watched his eyes soften, “I also hate you. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way you make me want to kick all of the other girls out and just have you. I hate the way you look at me when I do or say something that upsets you. I also hate when you don’t look at me, those eyes… they haunt me. And if I could look at one woman the entire rest of my life, it would be you.”

My vision blurs at his words as I look down and feel tears slip from the lids in my eyes. His hand gently pulls my face to look at him “I would do anything to make you feel good. I would burn this whole place down if it meant seeing you smile or laugh.” He leans forward and feel his lips press my skin gently on my cheeks.

I felt hands on me. I felt their hands on me. I felt their breath and their teeth. I heard their laughs and their groans. I tried to push them off and screamed for help. Their hands gripping my wrists so tight it felt like they were going to break off.

“Y/N!!”

I gasp and look around me. It was slightly dark in the room the only source of light came from a bed side lamp—wait a minute. I don’t have a bedside lamp. “Y/N, baby, are you okay,” I heard Negans voice and my body came down from that tense feeling.

“I-I could feel them… their touch and their laughs…” before I knew it I began crying and Negan pulled me into his arms the two of us falling side ways on the bed. It felt good. The bed was soft and sunk under me. The comforter was a big fuzzy black one.

“It’s okay. No ones gonna hurt you again okay? Get some sleep we have a big day tomorrow,” I simply nodded at his words as he pulled the covers over us and held me close.

By the time I woke up the sun was peaking through the curtains and I was fully aware of where I was. Negan’s room. I had been sleeping here for two nights already. I didn’t want to go back to my room or anywhere else.

I left a dress at the end of the bed along with a note and some heels. I sighed and decided to shower before getting dressed. I froze when I saw myself in the mirror. I couldn’t pull myself from looking away. Disgusting. Shame. Hatred. And anger filled me up as I looked at myself.

I clenched my fists and shut my eyes before turning the shower on. It was so much nicer in this bathroom, it made me feel like I was low class and he was middle upper class.

After showering and getting changed I read the note:

Meet me at the spot ;)

-Hubby

I rolled my eyes and carefully made my way to “the spot” I was taken out of my thoughts when I felt someone fall into step with me. I stopped and spotted her brunette hair curled. She turned and smiled softly at me.

“I’m sorry… about your brother,” she reached for my hand and I let her. I didn’t want to cry not now but this was all too overwhelming. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t alone,” I smiled sadly at her and we soon began walking again.

“Dwight met your brother. He really liked him. Said he was sassy and not afraid to show it,” I looked down and frowned at her words. I knew Dwight from Sherry, they were supposed to get married before Negan found them. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s what got him killed,” I said softly but loud enough for her to hear me.

She sighed and came to a stop. We were now just a hall away from “the spot” Negan wanted to meet me at, “Don’t blame anyone but the dickheads that killed him okay? Your brother was one of the good ones, which is pretty hard to come by nowadays.”

I sighed and shook my head in agreement. She shot me a comforting smile and squeezed my hand much like when she showed me off to get married to Negan. I gave her a smile back and let go, turning down the hallway to spot Negan just standing there swinging Lucille back and forth.

I assumed he heard the click clack of my heels because he looked over at me and grinned from ear to ear. Usually I felt disgusted when he looked at me like that but I only smiled at him and he held his arms out to me.

I leaned into his hug as he kissed my head and whispered in my ear, “let’s get this show in the road.” We made our way down to the common area where there was a giant brick made furnace. There were also four men lined up, each had a bag over their head.

I watched from the side as Negan instructed the bags be taken off their heads. My eyes widened as I saw Clyde, Andrew, Nick, and another guy. My hands started to feel clammy as I tightened my grip on the hem of my dress.

I then watched with a mixture of different emotions as Negan beat the shit out of all three guys except for Clyde. He had been blubbering like a baby and whining in fear. I could only stare as Negan forced him to take off his pants in front of all the saviors.

He did something rather unexpected but also expected, he took an extremely hot iron an held it to Clyde’s penis. I watched Negan in adoration as Clyde began convulsing. It looked like he passed out but a few moments later he turned into a rotter.

Negan took a machete from one of his men and chopped Clyde’s head off. He then instructed his men to clean up the mess and put his head on a stick outside the sanctuary. He then looked at me and motioned for me to come over, “Let this be a lesson! You fuck with my girl, Y/N, I will see to it you never get the ability to fuck ever again!” Then there was a roar of cheers and I made eye contact with the girls who were also shouting

Negan brought his hand under my chin pulling me to look at him, “Is this okay?” He asked making my heart flutter and my mind to race before pulling him in for a kiss in front of everyone.

“Negan!” I shouted as I felt his beard tickling my neck. “Mmm” he groaned softly placing more kisses downwards. “You have a meeting in 10 minutes,” I gasped as his hands found their way under my dress. We were seating on the sofa in his room.

It had been a week since he publicly executed those guys. I didn’t want to speak of them, it always managed to ruin my day. “I don’t care. Don’t wanna be interrupted from time with my girl,” he mumbled into the skin on my chest causing me to chuckle.

“Oh yea that’s right you don’t like to be interrupted—oh!” I felt his fingers press against my center causing me to let out a moan and grasp at his hair. “Don’t do that baby, I won’t be able to control myself,” he looked up at me through his lashes and I placed my hand on his cheek.

I smiled and pulled him in for a kiss before we were interrupted from harsh knocking “Come on man, some of us have meetings!” Shouting came from behind the door.

“I’m not done with you sweetheart,” Negan grinned and gave me one last passionate kiss before pulling away and fixing himself up. “Hey,” I called out to Negan who turned around after picking up Lucille, “I love you.”

I was met with a groan and he tossed Lucille aside on the loveseat and turned to open the door, “reschedule the meeting!” I heard him shout before he shut the door and locked.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” he began taking his shoes off and pulling his shirt over his head. “Why don’t you come and show me,” I teased pulling my dress off. That seemed to do it for him and soon he pounced on the bed causing a string of giggles to come out.

It was hard getting used to it, to everything. I didn’t even think to think about someone like Negan in such a light, but he wouldn’t always tell me he cared about me instead he never failed to show me how he felt.

#negan x reader #the walking dead negan #twd negan #negan smith #negan fanfiction #negan imagine #negan x you #negan smut #the walking dead #tw death #self h@rm #suic1de #your not alone #everythingwrongwithizumi #zumific #it was hard writing this ngl

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httpscomexe · 1 month

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Forbidden Secret Desire 6

Summary: He finally makes a move, and now you can do nothing but think about it, and about how you could possibly escape the arms of the feared Wolverine, until he has other plans.

(Find What I’m currently writing by checking my pinned post)

Parings: Logan Howlett x Reader

Warnings: (Individual warnings per chapter) Language, implied smut, fingering, being drugged, implied drugging, hunting rifle. Logan is an official warning as approved by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) because Logan is a DRUG. PLEASE BE AWARE that this will be a NON-CON fic. Do NOT get attached if you do not like non-consensual fiction. I will not change my fic plans because somebody decided not to read the warnings. Thank you.

Tags: @sammyluvsfics @badbishsblog @dickmaster3000 @cellyx33 @chxrrybomb22 @remmyj10

Word Count: 3045 (Find all chapters here) Chapter 7

P.S. If you’d like to be tagged, ask in the comments, you also have permission to send an ask, but make sure it is NOT anonymous, so I know your username, don’t worry, I’m scared of confrontation too. But this is a SAFE SPACE where I will not judge. Thank you again.

Part of you couldn’t believe you didn’t notice it sooner, or rather you refused to acknowledge it. All the touchy feeling, the friendly kisses, and every nice word that had left his lips was all leading up to something bigger. Something not even Xavier would’ve been able to see.

If he could, you wouldn’t be there right now.

Sitting in the shower, letting steaming hot water run down your back as Logan prepared dinner. It felt so unrealistic what had happened throughout the day, starting off innocent before it all went to shit. His arms had wrapped around you and- well, let’s go back to the beginning, back to after you’d finished your breakfast…

You finish only a few bites, trying to hide your forgotten appetite as the words replayed in your head. “You don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll take care of you, all you have to do is sit there and look beautiful.” Words that should’ve comforted you, but gave you a wretched feeling in your stomach, after just a few bites of food, you couldn’t stomach anymore, your body threatening to throw it all back up.

“Are you alright? You’re barely eating.” He points out, his hands moving to his lap as he stares at you. Fucking menasingly, as if you were he’d eat you if you didn’t finish.

“Yea, just uhm…” You shake your head trying to think of an excuse. “Adjusting.” You tell him, looking back up at him, he looked as if he believed you, but the doubt in his eyes was still there.

“You’re lying to me.” Your jaw clenches, and you feel your body tighten up as he doesn’t believe you. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong.”

“There is something wrong and you’re going to tell me what it is.”

“Logan, there’s nothing-”

“Stop!” He raises his voice, making you flinch and freeze in place. “What. Is. Wrong?”

Your tongue moves over your lips, and your lip moves between your teeth as you think, one of his arms resting on the back of the couch as he moves forward, his body facing you.

“Nothing is wrong-” SMACK!

You gasp, turning your head on the impact, your brain trying to process what the fuck just happened before your eyes meet his again, your mouth hanging open slightly.

“I’m gonna ask you again, what’s wrong?”

You decide not to answer this time, your lips closing on your decision.

SMACK!

Now tears fell down your cheeks. You couldn’t believe what was happening. It all happened so suddenly. Then you face him again as he moves, straddling your lap and pinning your wrists above you, easily holding both your hands down with just one of his.

“All you have to do is fucking answer me.” He growls, your face now cupped in his hands as you whined, tears now progressively falling more. “How about you just stop whining? It’s getting on my nerves too now.” His voice becomes softer the more he speaks, but you can’t listen as your head rung with pain and confusion. “That’s whining!” His voice raises again and you swallow before trying to stay quiet, crying silently.

“Get off of me.” You build the courage to say, your voice shaking horribly.

“You’re not in the position to be making demands, babydoll.” He leans down, attempting to capture your lips but you turn your head, making sure he wouldn’t be able to, until he speaks. “Try that again…”

It was a simple warning. One that anybody would listen to, including you. No matter how bad you wanted to push him off of you and scream and shout profanities, you knew it would be no use. So you just stop, letting him take advantage of his strength over you.

“Good girl…” He whispers just before his lips touch yours. You can’t deny that it obviously felt amazing, but it was wrong. You wouldn’t have minded if he’d spent time trying to build a relationship, then one day leaned in for a kiss. But no, he instead hits you before kissing you, potentially locks you in a secluded cabin, and acts like he could boss you around. Which.

He could.

There was no way of winning in a fight against him.

“Now stay still…” He mumbles, still speaking quietly into your ear.

His lips move, first trailing along your jaw until he kisses your cheek, but then his lips trail up to your lips, his teeth sucking in your lip as he bites your skin gently until the kiss becomes more urgent. His lips against yours, and his tongue swiping your lips as he tries to intrude into your mouth, successfully you might add as you give in.

You gasp, feeling one of his hands reaching down as he moves your panties aside, you were still underdressed from your given lack of clothes, which you now knew was intentional.

You clench your jaw as you avoid making any sounds, sparing him the satisfaction of your pleasure as you feel his finger running through your folds, his thumb pressed to your clit as he draws long and slowly circles on your nerves, making your throat tighten with held back moans. You feel everything now, his breath fanning over your lips when he occasionally pulls back from the kiss to breathe and two of his fingers as they prod at your hole, dipping in before quickly being taken back out, causing your pupils to blast black as a moan falls from your lips before he does it again, longer this time as he draws more moans from your throat, his own pleasure seeping through as your sounds do everything to turn him on…

So now here you are. Sitting in the bathtub, hugging your legs to your chest as you remembered every detail while steaming hot water from the shower head runs down your back. Your tears hidden from the constant water flow, but you knew you would have to leave soon, or he would come in wondering what was taking you so long.

So you hold onto the sides of the tub to push yourself up to your feet, your legs wobbly from the previous assault on your body. A choke of sobs escaping your throat as you continue to remember it. You were in pain, physically and emotionally, but you reached over and turned off the water, letting your forehead rest on the cold shower wall for a moment before stepping out and grabbing a towel to dry yourself off with. It was barely 2 in the afternoon, and you were horrified for what else might happen throughout the day.

After drying off and throwing on the oversized shirt he gave you before your shower, nothing else, you place your hand on the door knob. Letting yourself take a few deep breaths before pulling the door open, the smell of barbeque smacking you in the face. But you were too tired, too exhausted, to bask in the smell. Not while you knew who was making it.

“Feel better?” He asks, not even a second after he sees you. But you nod. Not wanting to use your voice. Which he makes obvious he isn’t happy about with a sigh as he turns around and faces you, leaning against the counter with his palms on the edge as he just stares at you.

“Sorry… Yes, I feel better.”

“Good.” He turns back around, getting back to the cooking.

“Do you need help with anything?” You approach him, your arms crossed over your stomach as you do, and he looks over his shoulder, making you stop just a foot away.

“Come here.” He tells you, placing down his cloth he was using and beckoning you over with the movement of his middle and ring finger. So you obey. “Just sit here and look pretty.” He tells you, lifting you and placing you on the counter with ease before getting back to what he was doing. Seasoning some meat and cutting some vegetables before shoving them in the oven. Then facing you. His eyes glued to yours before he approaches you this time as he dries a washed knife with a clean hand towel, making his way between your legs as he easily pulls your thighs apart. No fight in your body, you know you would never be able to win against him.

Your eyes stay in his, but snap down when you feel cold metal against your skin. Your eyes now never leave the sharp knife which he carefully trailed down your thigh, softly enough to not leave a scratch, but hard enough to push your skin down. He’s careful not to hurt you, but you know he wouldn’t hesitate if you pushed his limits.

“Logan…” You mumble his name as the knife trails further up your thigh, moving closer to the inside of your thighs before he stops, just before it reaches you more sensitive areas.

“Yes?” His forehead touches yours, nudging you until you’re looking back into his eyes.

“Please… stop.” You try the limits, and freak out for a moment as a heavy sigh escapes him. And just before you think you’ve fucked up, he takes the knife away from your body, resting it on the counter beside you before his hands find their way under your shirt and on your hips.

“I’m not gonna hurt you gorgeous.” He assures you, horribly. You recall the power he had earlier as his hand collided with your cheek. That’s not hurting you? Yea right. Fucking liar.

“I know…” You mumble, lying through your teeth right back at him.

“Let me reword that hun.” He stands up straight, his head leaving yours. “I will hurt you.” Your heart feels as if it skips a beat. “And I really want to.” He growls a little as his hand comes up, his index finger resting under your chin as he lifts your head so you're looking up at him, and the sight of your innocent, fearful eyes is enough to shoot blood down his body. “But I won’t, unless I have to.” His face gets closer to yours. “So please, piss me off.” He asks, his teeth gritted before he closes the distance between your lips. His moving with urgency while you just let it happen, not adding nearly enough into the interaction for his liking. “That’s one way to do it.” He growls, and through the corner of your eyes, you see his hand reaching for the hot pan on the stove, an easy encouragement to reach your arms around his neck and pull yourself closer, pressing your lips to his. An urgency of fear rather than lust running through your lips as his hands find their way back down to your hips. And he thought you looked so perfect as his hands gripped your thighs, persuading you to wrap them around his waist, which you of course, quickly oblige, not wanting to feel the bottom of a hot pan on your skin.

So you add to it, knowing wants equal or more from you than what he’s putting in. Your hip rock, your unclothed centre rubbing against the denim of his jeans, and you feel his bulge rock back against you, one of his hands running up your spine before his palm is against your head, gripping the back of your hair as he keeps you close, his teeth biting at your lips with urgency and you know he’s holding back. You weren’t sure why, but he didn’t want to fuck you yet. Part of you wished he would, but part of you was just grateful he wouldn’t.

He settles for humping you instead, trying desperately to find a different release as a moan escapes your lips. It was fearful, but he knew there was pleasure reaping from you. He could smell your pleasure, and he wanted to help you. But he wouldn’t. He wanted to save the fucking for a much more special occasion. One he wouldn’t have you knowing about.

He pulls away, a pained pleasurable groan coming from his throat as he rests his head on your shoulder for a moment.

“Logan…?” Your voice is meek. Mainly from fear, partly from pleasure.

“Yes, bub?” He stands back straight, leaving from between your legs as he gets back to the pan of vegetables.

“Do you mind if I look around a little more?” You lean forward on the counter, pressing your elbows to your thighs as you keep your eyes trained on him.

“Go ahead, just don’t touch anything.” He tells you, taking a peek in the oven for a moment before getting back to the vegetables on the stove. “And if it’s locked it’s for a reason.” You hop off the counter, deciding to let yourself go on a good letter by standing on your toes, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek before turning around and going to inspect the cabin. Starting with the back door. You remember seeing a jacket cabinet there, with windows in the doors. So you go up to it. Searching for something you could use against him. But there’s just jackets inside.

Wait.

No.

You look closer. Hidden behind one of the heavy plain jackets is a hunting rifle. It wasn’t well hidden, but it was definitely placed in that spot with the intent to be hidden. You tug at the handle on the cabinet. Of course though, it’s locked. You want to groan and cry, since your only weapon was behind the thick glass of a locked cabinet, but you knew he would hear you. So you continue looking around.

The locks on the backdoor weren’t complicated, but there was an alarm system on each door. One of the first things you noticed when you got there…

It was a little white box, and when the door opened, an ear piercing alarm would go off. You figured it would be best to avoid the doors and windows, or just try escaping when he went out shopping. He told you that would only be once a week, and you knew he had handcuffs for that occasion, so you searched for a pin or something to use against that instead. Even though the hunting rifle would be perfect. Just kill the fucker and leave. You think, searching drawers quietly as he continues to work in the kitchen.

Fuck.

You think to yourself, making your way back down the hall before turning right into the bathroom, quietly searching those drawers now for a bobby pin. Nothing.

You start to panic slightly as you hear the button pressed to turn off the oven, so you skip a little into the bedroom, frantically, but quietly searching the drawers. Even looking for weapons, you figure the kitchen knives would be the best choice.

You search everywhere in the room, finishing when you hear plates touching the counter. Until you decide to look under the bed.

It’s completely empty under the bed, except for a little black pin that catches your eye. You reach for it quickly, Logan calling you from the kitchen making you rush.

“Y/N! Foods ready, come out here.”

“Okay Logan! Coming!” You shout back, freezing slightly when you see the little strip of hair attached to the bobby pin in your hand. It wasn’t yours.

You shove it into your pillow case, knowing he would be tying you to the bed when he went shopping, then you quickly make your way to the couches, sitting next to him and taking your plate from the table as he wraps an arm around you.

“Everything good?” He asks, wondering about your little search.

“Yea.” You nod.

“Not a very big cabin, should be easy for you to find everything.”

“Yea, I know. Just was bored I guess.” You chuckle a little, trying to calm his tone as you take the first bite of food. The flavour melting on your tongue. You guessed for someone as old as him, you weren’t surprised he could cook.

You both sit there, eating your food, and drinking from the little glass of water he gave you. No words spoken, and the atmosphere thick before he finishes his food and finally speaks.

“I’ll be going out shopping tomorrow.” He tells you. “So I expect you to behave. I’ll be handcuffing you to the bed, one hand free so you can drink if you’re thirsty.” He explains as you finish your last bite of food.

“Okay…” You whispered, not liking the situation, but who were you to make requests?

“Good, and if you try anything funny, then you’re in trouble. Just behave, that’s all I ask of you.” He tells you, his hand gently running through your hair.

“How long will you be gone?”

“Maybe two hours, depending on the snow and traffic down to the market.” He pulls you closer, letting you lean on him and you suddenly feel sleepy. “But you’ll probably be asleep until around… I don’t know, five in the afternoon. I should be back by then.”

“Lo-”

“Shh…” He hushes you, his hand moving to cup your jaw as you force yourself to stay awake. “I don’t trust you yet, bub. So just go to sleep, and when you wake up, I’ll be back.”

You felt so tired, and no matter how hard you tried, it was a struggle to keep your eyes open. You weren’t sure if he had put something in the food, the water. But either way, you couldn’t stay awake. You just fell limp as you leaned against him, and the last thing you felt was your body being lifted from the couch, your body sleeping before your mind as you could still hear him speak to you.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, Y/N.” His voice felt distant, and you felt your body become more relaxed before you felt his mattress against your back. “Then I’ll take you hunting, I’m sure you’ll have fun.” You feel his lips touch your cheek as he kisses you. “Behave.” He growls a little, and you hear the shift of jackets, and the closing of the bedroom door as he leaves, the sound of hunting sounding much more sinister than it should seem…

#marvel #marvel smut #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #x reader #wolverine #logan howlett #logan x reader #wolverine x reader #logan james howlett #smut #xmen #x mansion

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dreamwritersworld · 2 years

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Once innocent. Part 5. (Sully family x reader)

Hi! Just a reminder that this is a mini series to show the deeper sides of Y/n’s life BEFORE “The chore” :) 💕

“Tuk! No!” I rush in to protect her from the glass. Everything felt so slow, all I saw was Tuk, I’ll take any hit if it meant keeping her safe. But then it all went black.

*y/n ‘dream’*

“Y/n?” I open my eyes “Rey’akana? (Rubbing my eyes to get a better look) Rey’akana! W-where have you been? I missed you.” He embraces my hug and shares my emotions. I began sobbing in his arms unable to hold in any of my emotions “I’m so-….I’m so stupid, I-I don’t know what to do.” He gave me his safe sad look “Oh I know that feeling, you know I was making it all up as I went along right? You kept me going. You wanna tell me about what you’re up against?” I look down at my tiny hands, playing with them. (Rey’akana sees Y/n only in her kid body, not her teenage body!)

“It’s dad. He doesn’t think I can take care of Tuk. He’s going to take her away. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way I-I- I didn’t mean for it to go this way. I just- I’m so attached to her, I love her. She’s everything to me, she’s my light and he knows it. He’s completely fine in taking it away. I can’t keep fighting him anymore, it’s not easy. I can’t go back to him anymore. Maybe he was right, I was a distraction I get people killed.” Rey’akana looks at her with the most shocked and angered face, soon calming down realizing he should try a different approach. Exhaling a sigh

“Oh sunshine, you know you always get like this after arguing with him, after something big. Remember when you argued with him over you hitting that girl for saying something mean?” I shake my head “yea but that’s different, I was alone. Now I have Tuk. I’ve realized that…I can’t just keep fighting him, he’s only going to push her away”

he takes a moment and looks back out to the forest “…it’s harder when you have something to lose. But having her, people you care about? That’s a good thing. She’s fighting beside you. Because of you.” I nod my head agreeing. he laughed and said “To think when I did your hair or taught you survival, I was just following memories from 20 years back. But you…You have a gift of surviving, you’ve kept Tuk strong. She looks up to you. You’re a leader Y/n, a natural. You’ll have the power of a clan one day.“

I smiled and look up at him “thank you Rey’akana, talking to you just always makes me feel a little bit better.” He gives a sigh of relief “you know you didn’t distract me right sunshine? I made it clear that I’d protect you. If anything, you gave me motivation to keep fighting in wars. Eywa sent you the same gift she gave me. A sweet innocent child. A ray of sunshine. Tuk is your gift. But something tells me Eywa is sending you more. A real chance at life. For you and Tuk. You just need to remain patient. Remember your job Y/n, you made a promise. When you return to Tuk, you tell her all the things you need her to do, give her a simple push to keep going with you. You don’t think it hurt her the same way when she heard her father yelling at the one thing she holds sacred? That girl looks at you as if you were the only one there. You look at her like she’s the only person you’ve ever known. She see’s it. So when you go back to her Pick it up, and start again. You’ve got a second chance. You could go home. Ignore him, it’s just irrelevant. I’ll only be able to come back once it’s all over Y/n. When you need me again, I’ll be here watching you, holding you while you sleep. You could still be what you want to, what you said you were when I met you. You’ve got a warm heart and beautiful brain, don’t let him take it away.” I grasp onto him more trying to hold onto our little time left, before he goes but I can’t wait to see him again. Please no.

“I’m not ready to go without you again, please.” He sighs and hold me tighter before saying “A guardian who has not prepared their ‘child’ for their own death has failed as a guardian. I prepared you. You’ve been doing good, just need to come back down. You have prepared Tuk, I’ve seen you…but it’s not your time. Come see me again, when you’re really fine and got both of you out ok? Out and safe.” I cry into his arms again “Ok, oel ngati kameie Rey’akana” he smiles and says “Oel ngati kameie, Sunshine” *

I let out a long gasp as I come into reality. “Y/N! Oh Y/n, I’m so happy your ok! Let me get grandmother!” She rushes out after a quick hug and barley gives me the chance to say anything. I wait patiently, preparing what I’m going to say, to Tuk, to father. “Y/n…how are you? Are you ok? I’m so sorry that happened my child. You were out for awhile, but you seem to be as good as you could be in this situation.” Grandmother cleans and checks me up. “Your mother and father are on their way. Sit tight.” She leaves, with a sympathetic smile on her face. She doesn’t know what happened but she knows it wasn’t right. None of the treatment Y/n received was right. But what could she do? It’s her daughters child. If she betrays her daughter, she betrays herself….

“Sunshine, come here, in my arms ok?” Tuk looks hesitant, almost as if she’s scared to hurt me. “…a-are you sure? You’re still-“ Y/n cuts her off with a laugh “I don’t care sunshine, I just want to hold you and talk for a minute. Before they come ok?” Tuk complies and goes to sit in my arms. “This is just what happens sometimes-“ Tuk shakes her head and says “But it wasn’t supposed to happen to you!” I sigh taking in her frustration, it’s valid for her, she wanted to take the hit just as much as I did, but she’s just a kid.

“My sunshine, You’ll always be sunshine to me. Look at me…You’re so perfect, how did I get so lucky?”

She looks at me with tears in her eyes still remembering the fear she felt when she tried to save her sister in the room. How she thought she lost her. “Please. Don’t be silly right now. Not right now. Please. Stop. Just stop. I thought I lost you, I thought I’d never see your sweet face again.” I sigh and close my eyes preparing my speech.

I need this confirmation. I need her to know even if she was scared, she could live without me. I need to know that she won’t give up. So I’ll talk like it’s my last breath. To make sure it’s heard. “I have a job for you. If and when the time comes for me, I need you to get back home. I need you to sleep in your own hammock, and have friends, and grow tall. Taller than I ever was I hope. I need you to live Tuk. That’s your job now. I need to hear you say it” she looks down, crying before looking up at me securing her promise “Ok Y/n that’s my job now” I hold her for the meanwhile while she sleeps, I begin picking glass out of her hair.

“Y/n? Oh thank Eywa you are ok.” Mother rushes in and hugs me. This is uh…new? I just TRY to accept the hug. Father walks in soon after. “Y/n, sorry. I never meant to hit you with the glass.” He didn’t hit me, but he wanted to hit near me. “Let me make this clear. I do not care what you felt you had to do. Or what your intentions were. You are wrong. And I am allowed to be as mad as I can be about it. I do not want to hear your excuses. We both know that the way you hit, how hard it was, the aggravation, next time your intentions are going to be worse and we both know that. I’m not gonna pick glass out of Tuk’s hair again, it’s just not gonna happen. I will be allowed to see Tuk. You OWE me that.” He still gives me that silently frustrated look. He can keep it. All I need is Tuk. I carry her quietly as I walk out to go home so I can pick more glass out of her hair. Eywa only knows what she felt and saw when I was hit.

*Tuk’s Dream*

He’s yelling at her again. This time, he’s too mean. He’s always mean to her. I was listening to them argue until I heard him say “You will not watch Tuk anymore.” What?! No no no please. I run to get mom to help me stop the argument. Then I run back back to go inside and stop it. As soon as I walked in dad threw a glass handle, headed right to me but it was obviously not intended for me…but for my sister. My mind didn’t process how fast it was, I could just hear her voice

“Tuk! No!” It hit her so bad, she fell to the floor with glass cut into her face. “Y/n? Y/n?” No, no not like this. I whistle out to her crying in between, praying to Eywa to have her whistle back to me. Let me know she’s ok.

“No! No! What have you done! Mom help! No Y/n! You’re gonna be fine, your gonna be ok. Not my sister, please not my sister.” Mom rushes in “Jake, carry her NOW. We have to take her to my mother.” I run as I follow them, yelling out to Y/n in hopes she’ll wake up and hear me. “Y/n! You’re going to be ok! I’m right here!” Then we made it to grandmother’s and she got to work quick.

I turn to dad ready to speak my mind. Like I was taught. “Y/n is hurt because of you. I don’t know why you get so mad at her. But it is not an excuse for you to hurt her. She will never be good enough for you will she?…no matter how hard she tries. She’ll never be strong enough…she’ll never be perfect enough…Y/n stopped trying with you because you only saw the worst in her. She loves this family. You’re the one that doesn’t care. You’re the one who’s…reckless! She could die because of you.” I was mad. I will not hide it in order to make him feel comfortable. I hold zero mercy for someone who clearly didn’t care. I walk away towards Y/n, ignoring him calling my name. Ignoring him give me his sad voice and pleads. My heart is still racing. It hurts. She’s alive but, nothing will bring me comfort knowing that she’s not sleeping willingly. She can’t wake up. She’s just stuck in transit right now. *

She wakes up scared, screaming my name. “Tuk? It’s ok, it’s ok I’m right here. Don’t worry I’m not leaving you. I’ll protect you. I’m here sunshine.” She sobs into my arms “I can’t sleep. Let me sleep with you. Please.” “I’ll never deny you sunshine, let’s just clean up first. We’re dirty right now. Once we’re done we can sleep.” So we did just that and as we are laying down tuk decides to ask a question “c-can you sing me to sleep? Like when I was a baby…I’m just too distracted right now.” I give a small laugh and agree. We haven’t done this in so long, I missed it. She’s getting so big.

“Moonbeams and starlight, magical twilight

The warmest ray, hear it whispering your name

Rainbows at midnight, sparking night skies

Don’t go away, stay another day.”

I can feel her peacefully sleep and soon I follow her….

💕!

I tried making this my last part, but I just can’t rush it. I want more sister moments, more ********* moments. Can’t give too much away 🤭 Hopefully Y/n and Tuk can catch a break soon. 💔

Tag list: @noodlesfics @eywas-heir @itshype

@zatarias-pandora @yeosxxx @arminsgfloll

@abbersreads @tsireyak @neteyamforlife @aimsro

@elegantkidfansoul @goodiesinthecloset21

@nikotokitaswife @bucky1235 @detectivesparrow @kikosaurscave @octavias-next-meat-bite @midnightliacr @waitingforanotherpart @marybrown23 @ssc7514 @destinylb @simp-erformarvelwomen @eirianna @ambria @lv9su @im-in-a-pansexual-panik

#jake sully x reader #neteyam x reader #sully family x reader #loak x reader #angst #neteyam sully #sully family x daughter reader #neytiri sully #avatar loak #avatar the way of water

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hangmansgbaby · 2 years

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Always Darling | 0.5 | J.Seresin

T H E E A R L Y Y E A R S

Summary: The prequel to “Always Darling” and the events leading up to the Uranium Mission

Pairings: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x OC!Willow "Vixen" Seresin, brief mentions of Pete "Maverick" Mitchell x OC Daughter!Willow "Vixen" Seresin and Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x OC God Sister!Willow "Vixen" Seresin

Warnings: fluff, its fucking cute in here

Note: the overwhelming love for this series 😍😍 I love you all! THERE WILL BE A PART 3!

Apr 2024 note: I did end up updating this into an OC as I dont write my series as a reader insert anymore.

Word count: 6.1k words (my brain couldn’t stop! I’m sorry for the length!”

Masterlist | Always Darling Masterlist

2001, Boarding School, Connecticut

“Miss Mitchell?”

“Yes, headmistress?”

“My office, please.”

18 year old Willow Mitchell was a staple in the Headmistress’s office since her first day at the all girls boarding school her father had dropped her off at freshman year. The headmistress had taken the 14 year old “troubled student” under her wing the minute the young girl entered campus, even bringing the young girl home for the holidays.

“Miss Mitchell-“

“Please, just Willow. We aren’t strangers.” She laughs.

“Willow, how’s the college search going?” Headmistress Stacy Sutherland questions.

“Fantastic. I got an acceptance to UT Austin, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, UCLA, USC, and NYU but I’m not going to any of them.” Willow answers.

“Oh? Not going to college?”

“Actually,”Willow pulls a folder out of her backpack and sets it on the desk.

“You’re interested in the Naval Academy?”

“Accepted. Stacy, I got into the Naval Academy!” She smiles brightly.

“That’s amazing! I bet your father is so proud!”

Willow sighs. She hadn’t told her dad, not like he’d pick up the phone anyways. “Yea. I bet.”

“Will he be here for graduation?”

“I don’t know, I sent the invite but-“ she shrugs.

He didn’t show. Willow expected nothing less from the man who up and dropped her off 4 years ago, never coming back. It really surprised her though to see all of her dad’s Top Gun buddies present. Ice, Slider, Wolfman, and Hollywood. She hadn’t noticed their presence until the middle of the Ceremony. With only 40 graduates in her class, it wasn’t long until her name was called

“Miss Willow Mitchell. Valedictorian. United States Naval Academy.” If the sheer magnitude of cheers just for her wasn’t clear enough, the four grown men who jumped from their seats definitely showed Willow that someone out there still cared besides the headmistress.

“Hi!” Willow smiles as Slider runs up to her. He wraps his arms around her, lifting her into a bear hug.

“Hey Uncle Slider.” She laughs as he sets her down.

“Hey little bird.” Only Iceman called her that, claiming she was Maverick’s mini me as a child.

“Hey Uncle Ice.” She gives him a side hug before acknowledging the other two aviators present.

“Where’s your dad?”

“Not here. As per usual.” She sighs. “Can we not talk about how shitty my dad is? I’m thinking lunch and then you guys can take me wherever and then do drop off day at the academy?”

“You don’t wanna see him?”

Willow shakes her head, leading the aviators towards the parking lot. “Y’all coming or what?”

2005, Naval Academy, Maryland

Willow was speed walking through campus, her last class was late releasing so she was already late for her next class. And as if her day couldn’t get any worse she had to literally run into someone, knocking both too the ground and the other person’s coffee all down the front of her.

“Dammit.” Willow mutters, assessing the damage done to her outfit.

“I’m so sorry darlin. You alright?” Willow looks up to the guy she collided with, the voice certainly matching the face and those strikingly green eye- “Darlin?”

“What?” She snaps out of her gaze, looking around to recollect where she was. “Oh, yea. I’m fine. Can’t say the same for my hoodie.” She replies, looking down at the coffee stain.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve been watching where I was going. I can get you a new one, or pay for dry cleaning or whatever you need.” He rambles, pulling her up from the ground.

“It’s all good, I’m just gonna head back to my room and change. Apparently I really wasn’t destined to make it to class today.” She chuckles. “Sorry about your coffee.”

“Make it up by going to lunch with me? I know this little place downtown that has really good sandwiches.”

“Sure, I’ll meet you out front of the school in say, 30 minutes?”

“Perfect. I’m Jake by the way.” He juts his hand out. It was only then that Willow truly realized she was making plans with a complete stranger.

“Willow.” She takes his hand, shaking it lightly. They stand there for another few seconds. Willow was completely lost in his eyes, the color so different from the green she grew up looking at. She liked them, definitely ones she could get lost in forever.

Jake cleared his throat, pulling his hand back. “I’ll see you in 30?”

“Y-yea.” She smiles before quickly running off back to her dorm.

“Hey, did class get canceled?” Her roommate, Natasha Trace, questions from her bed.

“Nope.” She answers, stripping her outfit and immediately pulling on another pair of jeans. “I have a date now.”

“Oh? Tell me everything!” Nat slides across her bed to sit on the edge, now interested in what her roommate and best friend had to say.

“When I get back. We’re going to lunch.” Willow walks over to the bathroom, pulling out her make up bag.

“At least tell me who it is!”

“His name is Jake.” Willow chuckles, applying light makeup.

“Blonde, green eyes?”

“Yea, how’d you know?”

“Willow! That’s Jake Seresin! He’s the school playboy!”

“He doesn't seem that bad.” Willow sighs.

“Do you want me to name all the girls he’s slept with? Cause it’s not a pretty number.”

“I’ll be fine Nat. I gotta go. Don’t wait up!” She calls, running out of the room.

“Hey there darlin. Ready to go?” Jake smiles as Willow jogs up to him.

“Yep.” She smiles. He holds his arm out and she loops hers into his. “So where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” He leads her towards a truck parked at the front of the parking lot, opening the passenger door for her.

Jake wasn’t kidding when he said they had the best sandwiches. They had to have spent at least 5 hours at that table, laughing, talking, and just enjoying each other’s company.

“So he just left you at a boarding school?” Jake questions.

“Yea. I haven’t seen him since then.” Willow answers, taking a sip of her coffee.

“You think he’s gonna show up to graduation next month?”

“Unless my uncle has said something, I doubt he knows I’m here. I bet he’ll find out when I’m a better aviator than him.” Willow chuckles.

“I think you’re gonna be a great pilot, but you're gonna have to fight me for top spot though.”

“You’re going for aviation too?” Willow questions. “It’s only ever been me and my roommate! That’s crazy!”

It was over from there. Jake and Willow spent every possible moment together over the next month. After 2 weeks of hanging out, Jake had officially asked Willow to be his girlfriend over dinner at a romantic waterfront restaurant. 2 weeks later graduation had officially arrived.

The ceremony was long and boring, Willow and Jake were eager to hit the road to his hometown where they would spend their month-long leave before they were to report to flight school.

“Ensign Mitchell!” Willow turns to spot Iceman and Slider walking towards her.

“Admiral Kazansky.” She salutes him.

“Congratulations little bird.” He smiles, pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you Uncle Ice.” She smiles into the hug.

“Alright let me in!” Slider pulls Willow away from Ice into his own hug.

“We are so proud of you, Willow!”

“Thank you, Slider.”

Jake clears his throat walking towards the group.

“Hey, Jake! This is Admiral Kazansky and Rear Admiral Kerner. Guys this is my boyfriend, Ensign Jake Seresin.” Willow smiles as Jake shakes hands with her uncles.

“It's a pleasure to meet you both. Willow talks highly of both of you.” Jake greets.

“So what are your plans now that you’re officially out of the Academy?” Ice questions.

“We have a month leave before we both report to flight school so we were planning to go to Texas where his family is.”

“You’re both going into aviation?”

“Yes sir.” Jake answers.

“I look forward to seeing both of you at Top Gun one day then.” Ice smiles, pride beaming in his eyes.

“As much as I love seeing you guys, we gotta get on the road soon. But I’ll see you soon okay?” Willow smiles, grabbing Jake’s hand.

“Of course. Good luck.” Ice nods as Willow and Jake start walking off but he quickly calls out to them. “Ensign Seresin!” Jake turns back to see Ice calling him over. Jake releases Willow’s hand, returning to stand before him. “Willow is like a daughter to me. You take good care of her.”

“Yes sir.” Jake nods before Ice dismisses him, running back over to Willow and leading her to his car.

2005, Seresin Ranch, Texas

“Uncle Jake!” Jake drops to his knee as 2 little twin girls come running towards him, throwing all of their weight into him.

“Hey! Theres my 2 favorite nieces!” He laughs picking both of them up. Willow laughs watching the interaction as she pulls their duffels from the back seat. “Darlin you put those bags down, I’ll come back and get them.” Jake turns to see her lifting both bags to her shoulders.

“I’m capable of carrying our bags, Jake. Besides, it looks like those 2 got your hands full.” Willow walks both of the bags towards the house right behind Jake.

“Maddelyn and Gracelyn! I told you two not to run outside!” An almost perfect copy of Jake runs up to the door, her long blond hair pulled up into a ponytail, bright green eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses.

“I got them, Nanc. They’re just excited to see their favorite uncle.” Jake teases, walking past his sister.

“You’re their only uncle, smartass.” His sister turns around to see Willow still standing on the porch, laughing at their sibling banter. “Oh you must be Jake's girlfriend! I’m Nancy, Jake’s older sister. Mama and Daddy are in the kitchen if you wanna come in and say hi.”

Willow nods and follows Nancy through the living room. She drops the bags by the stairs as Nancy directs and follows her through the house.

“Oh Jakey look at you!”

“Jakey?” Willow giggles softly at the nickname.

“Hey only Mama calls me that.” Jake turns to Willow pointing at her as serious as can be..

“Oh you must be Willow! You’re even prettier than Jake described!”

“Hi. It’s lovely to meet you Mrs. Seresin.” Willow smiles, holding out her hand to shake his mothers.

“Oh please! You can call me Mama. Everyone does.” Mama pulls Willow into a hug instead of shaking her hand.

“Mama, we talked about this. Don’t smother the poor girl.” Jake chuckles at Willow’s face, laced with shock of how quickly she was welcomed.

“Oh of course. Why don’t you two head upstairs and get cleaned up for dinner? Maybe even take a nap. I’m sure that drive was horrible.”

“Thanks Mama.” Jake presses a kiss to his mom’s cheek before turning to Willow. “After you darlin.” Willow tried to pick up her duffel when Jake smacked her hand. “I’m carrying these. Upstairs, 3 doors on the left.”

Sighing, Willow walks up ahead of Jake, admiring the hundreds of photos of the Seresin family that line the walls. Opening the door, Willow stares in awe of Jake’s childhood bedroom.

“Welcome to my sanctuary.” Jake laughs, sliding past Willow.

“This is not what I imagined your bedroom would look like.” She walks over to the bookshelf in the far corner, gazing over the books, photographs and awards that littered the shelves.

“What? Expected it to look more like my dorm room?” Jake questions, sitting at the foot of the bed.

“Something like that.” Willow moves to stand between his legs, arms wrapping around his neck while Jake’s wrap around her waist. “Your family seems nice.”

“You haven’t even met half of them. Amy and Megan are heading back from college right now and Jess will be here for dinner.”

“4 sisters? No wonder you completely understand all of the shit me and Nat say.” Willow laughs.

“Yea.” Jake smiles. “So… nap?”

“Or maybe, a little fun?” Willow flirts, leaning further into Jake.

“Oh really?” Jake smiles, pulling Willow in for a kiss. “And what kind of fun would you be interested in?”

“Oh you know exactly what I’m interested in.” Willow straddles his waist, pushing Jake backwards on the bed.

“Oh I have a few ideas.” His signature smirk plays on his lips as he pulls her onto the bed, flipping to pin her.

2007, NAS Pensacola, Florida

“Please be sure to let us know if there is any family attending Saturday’s Ceremony.”

Willow sighed, grabbing the paperwork from before her.

“Hey darlin. Ready to go?” Jake meets her outside at their car.

“Yea.” Willow sighs, walking past Jake and immediately climbing in.

“Are you okay?” Jake questions, starting up the car.

“Yea, long day.” Willow sighs, leaning back in the passenger seat.

The drive to their off base home was silent, Jake already knew what was up. The pinning ceremony is a big deal. After they receive their wings, they’ll choose their specialty aircrafts and before long, they’re in the running for a Top Gun session. Jake’s family was already packing to head down for his pinning ceremony and he knew Iceman and Slider weren't able to make it for Willow. So with her father not in her life anymore and her uncles unavailable. That left their Captain to pin her while everyone else had family to do it.

As soon as they pulled up, Willow immediately went inside and jumped in the shower. Jake sighed watching the retreating figure of his girlfriend. Pulling out his phone, he quickly dialed Ice’s number hoping to get through to him.

“Kazansky residence.” The female voice rang through.

“Hey, it's Jake. Is Iceman around?”

“Mom! Willow’s boyfriend is calling for Dad!” Jake chuckles at Ice’s daughter’s unwillingness to talk on the phone.

“Give me that.” Sarah says, most likely pulling the phone from her daughter. “Hey Jake, sorry Tom is on a carrier, left yesterday. Something I can do for you?”

“It’s alright Mrs. Kazansky. Ice said he might be able to clear his schedule for this weekend. Just wanted to check in with him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You and Willow are getting your wings this weekend huh?”

“Yes ma’am. Willow’s feeling a little down cause my family will be there to pin me and she doesn’t have anyone. Was just hoping something would come through at the last minute.” Jake sighs.

“I’m sorry honey. You know I’d be there in a heartbeat if the kids didn't have school.”

“It’s alright. Thanks for letting me know Mrs. Kazansky.”

“Of course dear. I’ll see you both at Thanksgiving alright?”

“Yes ma’am.” Jake ends the call as soon as he hears the shower shut off. He immediately runs to the room, stripping down to his boxers and jumping on the bed before Willow comes out in shorts and a t-shirt.”Well hello beautiful.” Jake’s signature smirk plays out on his face, eyes following Willow as she walks around to her side of the bed. “Darlin?” Willow doesn’t say a word, only laying down and turning off the lamp by her. “Willow, I know you’re upset over the pinning ceremony. If you want, I’m sure my mom will gladly pin you.”

“Just forget it Jake. I’m fine with the Captain pinning me.” Willow sighs, still facing away from Jake. “I’m going to bed.”

Jake sighs, facing the back of her head. “I’m sorry, Willow. I wish I could do something about this.” Willow sighed before rolling over.

“It’s not your fault my only family is an asshole. Or that my uncles have responsibilities to the Navy.” She places a hand on his cheek. “It’s always going to suck and there’s nothing we can do. No matter who pins me, so long as I get pinned I could care less.” Willow smiles softly as she looks into Jake’s eyes. “You have such a big heart, Jake. And I appreciated you wanting to make this special for me.”

“I love you.”

“What?” Willow sits up, eyes still never leaving Jake’s. In the 2 years they had been together, neither one had ever said those 3 words, choosing to go slow in their relationship, despite already living together.

“I… I love you, Willow.” Jake says, sitting up with her. “I have since that day we ran into each other.”

“I-I…” Willow stutters, still in shock from Jake saying it.

“You don’t have to say it back, darlin. But I will always love you.”

“I love you too.” Willow smiles, Jake’s eyes light up. “I love you so much!” She shouts, tackling Jake to the bed.

2011, NAS North Island, California

“Hey Vixen! You coming out with us?”

“I don’t know guys. We have a big day tomorrow.” Willow sighs.

“Come on! You never go out with us anymore.” One of the other girls chimed in.

“That’s because you all go out to get laid and I get left alone at the bar.” Willow points out, sitting down on the couch in the pilot lounge.

“So then we will find you a guy to go home with before we ever try for hours.”

Willow is about to protest when another voice interrupts. “I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure her boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate that.”

“Jake!” Willow jumps up, pushing past her fellow pilots and WSOs to reach her boyfriend who stands in the doorway. “What are you doing here!?” She questions, wrapping herself around her boyfriend.

“Can’t surprise my best girl?” Jake mutters into the crook of her neck, holding her tightly.

The couple had seen each other a total of 6 months in the last 3 years because of deployments and detachments. When Willow got the call from Top Gun, she immediately called Jake to share news. Though her excitement faded when she found out that not only had Jake not gotten called as well, but he was shipping out 2 days before she was to arrive in California for the Indian Ocean.

“I will always take a surprise but you weren’t supposed to be back until after my session. What happened? Is everything okay?” Willow pulls back immediately, worry lacing her voice.

“Everything is okay, we finished the mission early so they sent us home. Not happy to see me?”

“Of course I’m happy to see you.” Willow smiles, kissing her boyfriend of 5 years.

“Plus, I would never miss my gorgeous girlfriend graduating top of her class at Top Gun.”

“I'm not gonna be top of the class.” Willow laughs as Jake leads her away from the other pilots.

“Bullshit! I know you hate it but Darlin you are Pete Mitchell’s daughter. It’s in your genetics. And you’ve had Iceman coaching you the whole way. You’ll be top of the class. I know it.”

And Jake certainly was right, and a year later, Jake was top of his class. Ice looked on proudly as Willow and Jake took pictures with the Top Gun trophy at Jake’s graduation. The bright smile on Willow’s face as Jake held her close, pressing random kisses to her cheek as Phoenix and Coyote took pictures of them, made Iceman smile to himself. He always wanted Willow to find her own family after everything and she did.

“Congratulations Lieutenant Seresin.” Ice smiles, walking up to the group.

“Thank you Admiral Kazansky.”

“I’m hosting a celebratory dinner at my house. Phoenix, Coyote, you are both welcome to join us.”

“We’d be honored sir.” Phoenix nods. “I’ll send these to you, Vix. I got a couple errands to run.” Phoenix gives Willow a quick hug. “Congrats again, Hangman.”

“Thanks Phoenix.” Jake nods. “I have a surprise for you.” Jake whispers to Willow. “Wanna sneak out of here?”

“Hell yeah. Lead the way.” Willow smiles.

Jake pulls up to a secluded part of the beach, quickly climbing out and running around to Willow’s door and opening it for her. “Darlin.” Jake bows, holding a hand out for Willow. She laughs as she lets him guide her away from the truck.

“The beach? Jake, I’ve been to the beach before.” Willow laughs.

“Oh trust me. I know darlin.” Jake winks. “No, that's not your surprise.” Jake lead’s Willow across the sand towards the waterfront. “Willow, darlin, you know I love you, right.”

“Of course. You know I love you?”

“Always Darlin.” Jake smiles. “I want to promise you something.” Jake says, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

“Jake-“ Willow tries to stop him but Jake quickly cuts her off.

“It’s not a proposal darlin. I know you aren’t ready for it.”

“It's not that I’m not ready. We're just getting started in our careers.”

“I know, Darlin. Which is why this is a promise ring.” Jake opens the box to show the dainty ring. The helix design completes the circle. “A promise that you are it for me. That one day and we are both good and ready. I will trade this out for an engagement ring and I’ll marry you and only you.”

“Jake-“ Willow smiles, tears in her eyes as she stares at the ring. Jake slowly slips the ring onto her ring finger, kissing on top of it as it settles.

“I love you, Willow.”

“I love you too, Jake.”

“I have some not so good news though.” Jake says, fiddling with the ring.

“What?”

“I got pulled onto a mission. We leave tomorrow and won't be back for 6 months.”

“Oh.” Willow looks towards her hand as Jake continues to fiddle with the ring. “It’s a dangerous one isn’t it?” She questions, still not meeting his eyes.

“Yea, darlin. It’s not the safest.” Jake lifts her chin to look her in the eyes. “But I promise, I will do everything to come home to you.”

“You better. Cause if this,” she holds up her hand, “don't get upgraded one day, I’m gonna hurt you.” Willow laughs as Jake starts laughing with her.

“I will always come home to you.”

2012, USS Rosevelt, Atlantic Ocean

Jake had yet to meet his bunkmate since arriving on the carrier. His biggest hope was that it wasn’t someone who would constantly bring a lover in every night but he also just wanted someone bearable for the next half a year.

“Hey man, it’s good to meet you.”

Jake turns from his desk and his blood runs cold. He recognizes the pictures from Ice’s house. He is staring into the same eyes that were pictured next to Willow for years. “Yea, Lieutenant Jake Seresin. Callsign Hangman.” Jake nods, shaking the outstretched hand of the man before him.

“Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw. Rooster.”

The next 6 months was going to be nothing but torture to Jake. In an attempt to keep the peace, he never let Rooster see the photos of Willow, nor did he talk about her around him. He also never mentioned his bunkmate when he got the opportunity to call Willow. But that didn’t stop either of them from questioning Jake about the other.

“So do you like your bunkmate?” Willow questions, her laptop set up on the desk before her.

“He’s not bad. Little annoying, terribly slow flier.”

Willow chuckles at his complaint. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, darlin. 4 more months.”

“4 more months.” She sighs. “Can you give me any updates on the mission?”

“You know I can’t. But I can tell you that it’s gonna be awhile before we can talk again.”

“Oh-“

“Hey Hangman! We’re going to Target’s room for a couple of beers, you comin?”

“Is that Bradley?” Willow questions.

“Uh, not tonight Rooster. I’m on a call.” Jake shouts back.

“Oh is it the mysterious Vixen?” Bradley’s face pops up onto the screen and Willow hides her face.

“Jake I gotta go.”

“Okay Darlin. I love-“ the call ended before he could say anything.

“Damn, you must’ve really pissed her off.”

“Yea, that wasn’t me.” Jake sighs, closing the laptop and making his way towards his room.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rooster questions, following him.

“It’s not my place, Rooster.”

“Not your place? Who the fuck is your girlfriend man?”

“You know her a lot better than you think.” Jake mumbles, grabbing his shower gear from the bottom of the closet.

“Willow? Little Willow? You’re dating my little sister?”

“God sister. And I seem to remember you haven’t talked to her since ‘97.” Jake nearly growls at Bradley. “So don’t act all high and mighty. She doesn’t claim you so don’t claim her.”

“Lieutenants. Suit up, we’re heading out.”

“The mission’s not for another week.” Bradley protests.

“Change of plans.”

2012, NAS North Island, California

Willow groans leaning against the chair of the office. She sits in the silence of her office before Ice enters.

“Hey little bird. Everything alright?”

“Yea, I just haven’t heard anything from Jake.” She pauses. “You know Bradley’s there.” Willow sighs, her hand coming up to rub her face.

“I do.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“You said you didn’t give two shits about what Bradley and your father were doing. I was just doing what you asked.” Ice retorts.

Suddenly Willow’s phone rings, she stands moving across her office as she answers. “Hello?” She immediately met with the constant rambling from the other side. “Woah, slow down. Nancy, what happened?” She questions, walking around her rooms again.

“Mama just got a call from a restricted number and now she won’t stop crying!”

“Shit, gimme a second.” Willow mutes herself and sets the phone down on her desk.“What happened?” She questions Ice.

“What do you mean?”

“Nancy.” Willow points to her phone. “Jake’s mom won’t stop crying after getting a call from a restricted number. What happened to Jake?”

“He’s MIA, Willow. I’m sorry.”

“No.” Willow gasps. “No, no, no. This cannot be happening.” Willow drops into the chair beside her.

“Willow, I’m so sorry.” Ice moves around the desk to pull Willow into a hug.

“They gotta find him.” She cries. “They need to find him.”

“On my orders, they aren’t going to stop looking for him.” Ice comforts.

“Please, dad. I don’t wanna lose him.” Ice froze. He’d always considered Willow like a daughter but she had never called him dad before.

“I promise little bird. They’re gonna find him.”

“Willow?! What’s going on?”

“Shit. Nancy.” Willow scrambles over to her phone. She quickly wipes her tears and takes a deep breath. “Hey, uhm, Jake’s MIA.”

“Holy shit. Are they looking for him?”

“Yea. Yea it’s a non-stop search right now. I'll transfer any updates to me and I’ll let you know. So that way Mama doesn’t have to go through it over and over.”

“Okay. Keep me posted. I’m gonna get Mama to bed. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yea, Talk later.”

“Hey, Willow?”

“Yea?”

“Take care of yourself. It’s not just you anymore.”

“Of course.” Willow ends the call, tossing her phone back onto the desk, she leans back into Ice’s hold, the tears returning.

“It’s okay, let it out.” Ice mutters, holding Willow close.

“I’m pregnant.” Willow cries.

“What?”

“I’m pregnant, dad. I can’t lose him. We can’t lose him.” She rests a hand on her stomach. She had just found out about two weeks ago, 6 weeks after Jake had left. She didn’t have the will to tell Jake, while he was gone.

2013, USS Rosevelt, Atlantic Ocean

3 months. It had been 3 months since Jake disappeared and despite every rule in the Navy, Willow was pacing Ice’s office on the carrier, 21 weeks pregnant. As soon as word came in that they might’ve found him, Ice immediately took off to the carrier and despite his protests Willow was right behind him.

“What do we have on his location?” Ice questions.

“They raided an enemy bunker. There’s signs that he was there recently. He can’t be far but they’re still looking.”

“Keep looking. Do not stop until there is physical proof he’s dead.”

“Yes sir.” Ice dismisses the Commander and turns to Willow.

“Sit d-“

“Don’t.”

“Willow, stressing is not good for the baby.” He sighs.

“Jake being dead isn't good for the baby. Or me.” Willow snaps back.

“He’s not dead.”

“It's been 3 months!”

“And there is no proof he’s gone.”

“But there’s no proof he’s alive.” Willow sighs, her pacing continuing.

“Willow, I am already allowing you to break rules. Sit down, please.”

“Fine, only if you take it easy too.” Willow protests.

“I’m fine, Willow.”

Willow shoots him a knowing look. “You’re missing treatments for this.”

“Willow, I’m fine, trust me.” Suddenly a Lieutenant barges into the office.

“Admiral Kazansky, Lieutenant Mitchell. We found him.”

“Jake!” Willow runs up to the stretcher as they wheeled him away from the helicopter.

“Ma’am we need you to step back.”

“She’s his next of kin. She goes with him.” Ice shouts, following behind them.

“Oh god baby. Oh my god.”

“He’s malnourished and dehydrated but other than that he’s going to be just fine, physically.” One of the medics rattle off.

“Physically?” Willow questions.

“He’s been through hell and back, Lieutenant. There’s no telling what that did to him mentally.”

“Oh god, Jake.”

Willow sat up from the makeshift bed she had made on the chair in the hospital room. She was already majorly uncomfortable because of the pregnancy but the chair was definitely not helping. 3 days in the chair definitely didn’t help her back either.

“Lieutenant Mitchell?”

“Yes?” She turns to spot the doctor in the doorway.

“How are you this afternoon?”

“As well as I can be.”

“You know we can still move a cot in here, we’d much prefer it, including Admiral Kazansky.” The doctor insists as she checks Jake’s vitals.

“I’m alright. How is he?” She asks, stepping up to the bedside, reaching to hold Jake’s hand.

“Better. We started weaning him off the medication keeping him under last night. He should be waking up soon. If he does wake, let us know if there is anything wrong. Otherwise a nurse will come in on her rounds.”

“Thank you.” She turns back to Jake, who for once in the last 3 days looked peaceful. She sighs, reaching up to brush loose hair back.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize anyone would be in here.” Willow turns and quickly turns back around, electing to not saying anything to the figure that just walked in. “How are you?”

“You’ll have to go, only one person is allowed in here.” She responds.

“Willow…”

“Leave me alone.”

“Come on, we haven’t seen each other in years. Why don't we go up to the mess hall? Catch up.” Bradley continues, walking further into the room.

“I said leave me alone, Lieutenant Bradshaw. Or do I need to call an Admiral?” Willow seeths, still not turning towards the door.

“Fine. Don't say I never tried.” She rolls her eyes as she hears the door close behind him. Sighing, she turns away from to bed to pour herself a glass of water when she suddenly hears a groan. She quickly turns to see Jake trying to sit up. “Hey, hey, hey. It's okay, don’t get up.”

“What? Willow?” Jake questions, voice hoarse from the lack of use.

“Hi baby. It's me.”

“I thought I’d never see you again.” He cries, pulling Willow into a tight hug, or as tight as his weakened body could muster.

“Neither did we.” She says softly, holding Jake close.

“We?” He pulls back for the hug, looking for a correction but only gets a worried smile.

“We.” She softly moves his hand to rest on her small bump.

“Holy shit.” Jake says, barely above a whisper, eyes wide. “I’m gonna be a dad?”

“Yea, yea Jake.”

“Oh my god!” He pulls her back into a hug, practically dragging her on top of him. “Holy shit! We're gonna be parents.”

2013, NAS North Island, California

“So you’re telling me, you have no idea the gender nor what you’re going to name them?” Phoenix asks, taking a sip of her drink.

“We’ve been so busy, between paperwork and Jake’s test flights, it's been a nightmare to have a calm moment between us.

“Vixen! You’re due any day now!”

“I have ideas! Just nothing settled.”

“Let me hear them.”

“For a boy, Beau.”

“Absolutely not, you wanna name your child after Rear Admiral Simpson?”

“Oh I knew there was no way I truly liked that name. How about Easton?”

“Could be good, Easton Seresin…” Phoenix trails off.

“Nevermind I hate it. Tyler? Tyler Seresin.”

“I think that sounds perfect, darlin.” Jake’s voice comes from the now open front door.

“Hey! How was work?” Willow struggles to stand for the couch but manages, walking over to greet him at the door.

“You know exactly how work was.” He sighs, kissing her gently before heading to the master of their on base house. “Hey Phoenix.”

“Hey Bagman.” Phoenix says. “How about a girl?”

“Only one on my list. Ellorie.”

“That is beautiful. I love it.” Phoenix smiles.

“It is uh?” Willow beams to herself as she walks into the kitchen. “I honestly hope it’s a gi-“

“Willow? You okay?”

“Oh!”

“Willow?” Phoenix jumps up and runs into the kitchen to see Willow standing over a puddle.

“Oh my god.”

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

“Get. Jake. Now.” She says between breaths.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Phoenix curses. “Bagman!”

“What?”

“It’s time!”

“What do you mean it’s time?!”

“Jacob Grant if you don’t get out here right now and get me in the car I am having this baby without you!” Willow shouts as another contraction rolls through.

“I’m coming!” Jake barrels through the hallway, their hospital bag slung over his shoulders. He immediately guides Willow out to his truck, helping her up into the seat while Phoenix drops their bag into the backseat.

“Be safe! Call me when they’re here!” Phoenix shouts as Jake pulls out of the driveway.

“Okay just hold on, darlin.” Jake repeats as Willow grips tightly to the armrest, another contraction ripping through her. “It’s okay Darlin.”

“Stop, you’re not helping.” Willow groans in pain.

“I’m trying to help, but I don’t know what to do.” Jake says, rubbing circles into her hand.

“You can not tell me it’s okay when I’m about to push a baby that most definitely got your big head out of my vagina!” Willow shouts.

“Hey, you like my big head. And we’re going to love theirs. Almost there.”

10 excruciating hours later and Jake and Willow sat in the comfort of their hospital room with their bundle of joy wrapped in their arms.

“Knock knock.”

“Hey! Ice!”

“There’s my two favorite pilots.”

“Hey dad.” Willow smiles. “You wanna meet your honorary granddaughter?”

“It’s a girl?” Ice gasps, walking over to the bedside.

“Ellorie Serena Seresin.” Jake smiles as Ice takes Ellorie from Willow.

“She’s beautiful, Willow. Looks just like you.” Sarah smiles, pulling Willow into a hug.

“I think she looks more like Jake.” Willow laughs.

“Absolutely not, darlin. She definitely looks more like you.” Jake presses a kiss to her head as Ice and Sarah coo over the baby. “You did good, mama.”

“Mama? No more darlin no that the baby is here?” Willow questions.

“Absolutely not. You will always be my darlin but you're also mama now.” Jake’s smiles. “You know I love you?”

“Absolutely. You know I love you too?”

“Always Darlin.”

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bullet-prooflove · 1 year

Text

Ex!Joe Part One: Left Behind - Joe Velasco x Reader

Tagging: @plaidbooks @misscharlielulu @witches-unruly-heart @storiesofsvu @magic-multicolored-miracle @rosaliedepp @cycat4077 @crazy4chickennuggets @cixrosie @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @mysoulisasunflower @legit9thlunaticwarrior @mydarkestsecretlol @the-adzukibean @wooshwastaken @kiwiithecrazybird @justreblogginfics @anime-weeb-4-life @alwaysachorusgirll @julieelliewrites @telepathay @weiwei0210 @nessamc @genius2050 @spaghettificationandpretzels @nu1freakshow

Joe knows why he goes out to bars and fucks strangers; he knows why he doesn’t form attachments with any of the women that he meets on apps like Tinder.

It’s because of you.

It’s because five years ago you broke his heart so badly that the damage felt like it was irreparable, like someone had cleaved his soul in two and took half away with them. You don’t come back from shit like that, he knows it. He still feels the loss, even all these years later.

There are times when he forgets, where he wakes up in bed and smiles before he rolls onto his side and remembers that you don’t live together anymore. He’d tried to you when he’s got back from his assignment, but you’ve moved on, taken a transfer out of the borough. He thought you were trying to get yourself as far away from him as you physically could.

The thing is that he has never been able to discern why you chose to leave him when you did. He’d been on assignment before, longer, more dangerous ones and you’d weathered it. He wasn’t sure why this one was any different. All he knows is that he came home and found a letter on the kitchen table.

“I’m sorry Joe, I just can’t do this anymore.”

The words are still seared into his brain after all of this time.

When you step into his Squad Room it sends him reeling. It’s like someone’s doused him in cold water and that carefully cultivated professionalism sails out of the window, he doesn’t even realise he’s on his feet until he hears his chair clatter against the cabinets behind him. He strides towards you with purpose despite the fact he has no idea what he actually intends to do.

It’s the shock he thinks, as he grabs your arm and hurls you into the hallway like you’re a perp. He’s causing a scene, he knows it but he can’t help it. They don’t understand what you did to him back then, how he hasn’t had functioning relationship since you left because it cut so fucking deep it scarred him.

“What the fuck?” You spit at him as you stand in a quiet section of the corridor.

“Yea.” He agrees, his dark eyes blazing as he drinks you in. He doesn’t want to admit it but you look good, your hair’s a little shorter than it used to be but so is his. He has to check himself, because his fingers are itching to reach out and run it through those pretty tresses. Instead he crosses his arms over his chest. “What the actual fuck are you doing here?”

“Your Captain called me in. You need help taking a statement for the Solovyov case.” You tell him, pointedly. “I’m not sure how many Russian speaking detectives you think there are in Manhattan but I’m what you’ve got.”

Fuck… He didn’t even know you were back in Manhattan, last time he had heard you were in Brooklyn, working on cases around Brighton Beach because of your dexterity with the language. Little Odessa was a safe distance he’d thought. You didn’t run in the same circles, no chance of bumping into each other.

“When did you even…” he begins, shaking his head.

“Last year.” You answer tipping your head away from him. “It was made very clear to me what would happen if I showed my face around Brighton Beach again so management transferred me over to Hate Crimes.”

He closes his eyes briefly. He wants to ask, it’s on the tip of his tongue but he refuses give you that, he refuses to give you anything. You don’t deserve his concern; you don’t deserve him. You walked away and left him fucking drowning. Right now he feels like he’s in a nightmare, he feels out of control and he hates it. You’re a disruption that he doesn’t need. He’s finally settling in here, he’s making friends, he’s putting down roots for the first time in his life and then you turn up….

It puts him on edge and he hates it.

“Just…” he starts before he lets out a sigh. “Don’t fuck this up for me alright? This is the first time I’ve had a home for a while, and I need it to stay that way.”

“Of course not.” You say softly as you meet his gaze and he feels the earth crumbling from right underneath his feet because even though it’s been five years, it feels like nothing has changed.

He’s still stupidly fucking in love with you. The distance hasn’t changed that, he thought it would have. That that hate and vitriol he had felt for you when he read that letter would manifest once more, but it doesn’t. Instead all he feels is yearning, it’s an ache he feels in the very core of his being and he thinks that hurts more than anything else because he sees that wedding band on your ring finger and he knows without a doubt that you’ve already let him behind.

Love Joe Velasco? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#joe velasco x you #joe velasco x reader #joe velasco #jose velasco x reader #jose velasco x you #jose velasco

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cas-skz · 2 years

Text

Spanked

After a friends birthday party, you and a Hyunjin convince Binnie to have a little fun.

18+!! MDNI

WARNINGS/WHAT TO EXPECT: pet names (brat), mentions of drinking, spanky spank spanking, more spanking

SKZ/BTS FIC REQUESTS: OPEN

I don’t know why my brain thought of this but it did so I went with it and I like it. Ok love you so much. - cas xx

“Stop taking my nuggets!” You yelled, hurling a pillow towards Hyunjin, who made an attempt to hide behind your boyfriend, giggling like an idiot. “This is why I don’t buy you two McDonald’s!” Changbin put in, catching the pillow with one hand.

The three of you had just come from a friend's birthday party, Changbin being the designated driver, with a hint of babysitter, to you and Hyunjin. The drunken antics Hyunjin had started with you had lead to you both screaming and begging for junk food.

Hyunjin leaned around to kiss Bin’s cheek, flipping you off as he did. “Thank you my superhero.” He said, dancing over to the laptop, poking around YouTube to find a song. Changbin joined you on the couch, “You two are little brats.” He scoffed, snacking on a few french fries. “You love us.” You giggled, poking at his cheek.

Hyunjin did a little dance over to the couch, bouncing down on the other side of Binnie. “Yea, you looove us.” Hyunjin leaned over, his hands resting on Changbin’s lap as he whispered to you, in a giggle. “We’re his little brats and he loves us.”

Changbin’s hand slapped down on Hyunjin’s ass, earning a little whimper from the male. “Hey!” Hyunjin wiggled to roll on Bin’s lap, looking up at him with a little pout. “Not nice.” He whined.

You couldn’t help but laugh, rolling your eyes at Hyunjin’s dramatic response. “Oh, please.” You start, poking Hyunjin’s nose. “That was barely anything.” You laid on your belly, stealing Changbin’s other thigh to rest on, facing Hyunjin. The two of you bouncing your chins off his muscular thighs. “Okay, drunk 1 and 2, I think it’s time for bed.” Bin laughed, patting you both on the head. You and Hyunjin gave each other a look, simultaneously crawling up to face level.

“But Binnie, we wanna stay up.” You say, your hand gripping at his knee. Hyunjin poked at his belly, walking to fingers around in circles. “Yea…We’re not even drunk anymore.” Hyunjin batted his eyes at Changbin, and you nodded in agreement with him. “But, I think we deserve spankings for being little brats.”

Changbin made you both promise to not tell anyone else. Setting rules, the safe words. “You’re not allowed to move until I say so.” Changbin swished back another shot of whiskey, his eyes darkened happily at the sight of you and Hyunjin, bent over the bed, bare asses in the air. “So, what does the winner get tonight?” Bin asked, his hand moving slowly over your rear.

“The rest of the night with you.” You both say smirking.

Changbin shook his head, laughing quietly. “Such brats.” He said, laying down the first smack on your ass. You bit your lip hard, holding yourself steady as his hand slapped down on Hyunjin next. His fingers curled into the sheets next to yours as the second round of slaps rang out.

The harder Bin slapper, the more you and Hyunjin jolted with excitement, the pain from Changbin’s hand sending shock waves to your core.

Changbin laid down a few snacks in a row, almost causing you to fall, but you held yourself up. “Tap out anytime.” Hyunjin smirked. A look that quickly disappeared as Changbin’s hand smacked down again, adding to his already red and swollen cheeks. Changbin’s hand moved back and forth, giving equal attention to you and Hyunjin.

You couldn’t help but hide your face in the sheets, the stings of his slaps earning a loud shriek. Hyunjin’s hand quickly grabbed yours as Changbin continued to slap at full strength, your fingers gripping tightly with Hyunjin’s, whining and moaning as the welts started to turn into bruises.

“Please Binnie….I can’t hold myself up anymore.” Hyunjin pouted, you nodded in agreement.

Hyunjin’s knee’s collapsed first, his body flopping down on the bed, a goofy smile on his face. “White flag. Man down.”

Changbin got a few more good slaps in on you before you fell next to Hyunjin, simply giving a wave of your hand to give up. You couldn’t help the small whines that continued, your body was vibrating like crazy.

Hyunjin was trying his best to hide how turned on he had gotten, but his body was practically humping the sheets. You didn’t even have the chance to hide how wet you were, since Binnie’s hands ran gently over your sensitive butt, leading towards your entrance.

“What if…” Changbin leaned hovered behind you, his body pressing against yours as he reached over to lift Hyunjin’s head to bring his attention to him. “You both stayed with me tonight.”

#the Pisces and Leo energy in this lmaooo #and I’m fish #stray kids #skz #kpop fanfic #kpop smut #skz smut #skz fanfic #stray kids smut #hyunjin x female reader #changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #changbin x female reader #stray kids fluff #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids x reader #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin

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a-substantial-trash-pile · 1 year

Note

i kinda love how your benrey has gotten progressively more soft and chubby over the years, idk if you intended it but it gives the impression that they’ve been getting the love/care in the real world that they didn’t get in black mesa and it’s really cute idk where i was going with this other than fuck yea fat scruffy benrey

god you understand me thank you so much for this ask now i have an excuse to ramble about this AUGH 😭 because yes!!! that’s exactly it. looks like it's time for another "trash rambles so long she has to put a 'read more' cut again"

it’s cuz my first renditions of benrey were on the skinnier side, which i grew to dislike (for my design personally—this doesn’t apply to other people's benny body types!). and at first i’d hate on my earlier benry renditions to myself, but then i realized, “hey, that’s kind of being mean to myself and i’m trying not to do that as much, so maybe i can find a way to incorporate this into what my benny is now without insulting/bashing myself?” so i made it a headcanon that at first, during hlvrai, benrey is thin and paler because he hasn’t really eaten or been out of black mesa much at all (being stuck in a game/time loop sucks like that). they technically don’t need to eat so it’s not really something that’s on their mind. BUT once all the chaos is over and benry finds themself in a healthier environment with people that care about them, they start thinking about these things. it helps that post-hlvrai/hlvrai2, gordon gets into cooking lol. making food becomes part of his love language. also bubby is hella good at baking (gordon is not). also benrey gets to go out a lot to hang out with members of the science team. like walk sunkist in the park, or attend a backyard bbq at the coomer's, or go on a road trip, you get what i mean. :)

one issue i’ve run into with this tho is that i don’t really want to draw benny the way i headcanon him during hlvrai and hlvrai2 (which i made take place immediately after hlvrai), which bring inconsistencies when i do make anything in that time period. like these for example:

technically benry should be thinner/paler here since this is during hlvrai2 electric boogaloo, but i just can’t really draw them like that anymore. although i’ve tried doing some variations where benrey is in different stages of post hlvrai/hlvrai2 like here:

but i enjoy drawing softer rounder benrey more. so that’s part of why this headcanon isn’t really something i talk about because it’s kind of confusing. UNTIL NOW. so thank you again for your ask if you even read this far (completely understandable if you stopped lol). it's just nice to finally get it out there instead of keeping it all in my brain.

#trash rambles #read more #long post #hlvrai

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leclerced · 10 months

Note

Sorry but im gonna go into Landoscar a bit more. I know you’re not writing driver x driver but here it’s necessary that I write this so my mind can rest😌

I think it’s like Lando and Bunny would say they have an open relationship but not for everyone everywhere just the people they agree on (well still about 10 or so people). Oscar goes with it because he doesn’t feel like he’s in the place to tell them he’s not into it (and they don’t ask because he went with it when they decided they want to be in a relationship so they assumed it was fine).

Oscar’s not really okay when they share only Bunny. But then Lando has his kind of late bi awakening (you know he’s like “wait i have a boyfriend and it means I’m not straight anymore so I can think of other men too? Oh how cool is that” just Lando things😀) so he starts experimenting with others too. And it’s another thing they don’t talk about because Lando assumes Oscar does the same since he’s so sure in himself. So Oscar is just so angry and feels possessive because he has a boyfriend AND a girlfriend and still he doesn’t feel like he has anyone. So most of his possessiveness goes towards Bunny because he doesn’t know if he can or should be the same with Lando (my boy knows so little I feel sorry for him😭) but there are rare times when he just can’t help himself and when Lando talks (ESPECIALLY WITH CARLOS OKAY THEIR BEEF AND UNFRIENDLINESS WINS OVER THE FACT HES LANDOS FRIEND) with someone he comes up to them and puts an arm around Lando’s shoulders from behind and squeezes him lightly or when he knows that Lando made out with someone when he comes from that someone with Bunny so when he kisses Lando he curls his hand around his throat and just dominates him hard.

But then the fact that Oscar doesn’t feel the best in this arrangement comes out and Lando asks if he’s not jealous of him because there were signs with Bunny definitely more obvious than with him and Oscar is just like “I know you’re not the most bright person sweetheart but haven’t caught up with the fact that I always came to you when you were talking wit us someone? It’s just that we’re official but still not everyone knows we are boyfriends. People think we’re Bunny’s boyfriends”

So next day Lando kisses Oscar in the paddock in the middle of the day so that everyone knows where the three of them stand. Oscar loves every second of it and feels like he can finally be more touchy with Lando. I feel like Lando would be just so proud of himself after that and on every occasion be like “Oh yes you see my BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND …” , “Here’s our winner, my BOYFRIEND by the way if you still hadn’t caught up”, “my beautiful GIRLFRIEND…” and so on for quite a while before everyone would be like okay mate you’re bi and you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, we know that they’re amazing, beautiful, talented and all but can you stop for fuck’s sake?

It’s long and doesn’t make a lot of sense sorry about that but it was like a dam broke in my brain when I started

oscar hates carlos even more after him and lando are boyfriends bc carlos hugs lando every time he sees them plus they have that weird thing where they hit each other in the balls, that gets under oscar’s skin like nothing else. he doesn’t want carlos anywhere near bunny or lando.

everyone being soo annoyed w him even bunny and oscar get tired of it after awhile, it was endearing at first but they don’t want or need more attention drawn to them than there already is and lando just won’t shut up!! oscar would be like i have a name. you could also call me a friend. or a teammate. and lando’s like /: but you’re my boyfriend?? and bunny’s like yea its cute sometimes but when you shout out “thats my girlfriend” every time you see me.. it’s kinda over doing it babe

#ask #lifeboredme #blindfold universe #canon friendly blindfold universe

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werebutch · 3 months

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Also think feeling this way about myself is why I can’t seem to develop feelings for people because at this point in my mind it’s simply fact that no one finds me attractive it’s not even self hate anymore it’s. Yea this is just how it is and I’ll live with it. So my brain just completely blocks any potential feelings cause it knows that it wouldn’t work out anyway. Not an option so not acknowledged or entertained. It doesn’t make me sad anymore unless I really think about it or think about how much I want a partner. I don’t know how I’m going to grow out of this because it’s not like I’m going to miraculously stop being ugly LMFAO I know I will someday get over this roadblock at least but it seems so impossible. I am literally grotesque LMAO ok And this is so embarrassing if I want to actually be able to look some of u in the eye I have to not talk bye bye

#or if someone does like me they are usually ummm sorry but not quite on my level either. sorry. I know that’s mean. but.#and also internet people don’t count you guys only see the best of me LOL #I am flattered though and I love you. but. it’s not the same.#THIS ISNT A CRY FOR PEOPLE TO BE LIKE NOOOO WEREBUTCHHHH!!!!! I’m just saying. ok. I’m thinking #out loud. I do not need your pity..okay. it’s embarrassing

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propertyofmilfs · 7 months

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Home away from heaven

Chapter 2: Desire, Deception and Shattered hearts

💫authors note💫

Here it is, chapter 2 of home away from heaven. This chapter does contain heavy smut. Enjoy reading 🫶🏻

ALSO artwork by @lavendercrow136 of Lucifer during their talk with desire

-A

Isleens pov

"Isleen where are you baby?" I recognized that voice… Dream…Even my sleep wasn’t sacred anymore these days.

I sighed and looked at him shakily,

"somewhere you won't find me"

Dream frowned, "baby please just tell me where you are I can help you"

I turned away,

"I don't need your help, your the one I'm trying to get away from" Dream looked at me sorrow and hurt in his eyes,

"Isleen that's not funny...baby please where are you?"

I shook my head, "Why can't you understand I don't love you? I love someone else"

Dream scoffed, "Who Lucifer?? Yea that's right Lucienne told me about your foolish crush on them. But Isleen they are bad, they aren't going to make you happy, they won't love you... they don't even love themselves"

I turned to Dream, and glared daggers through him,

"YOU don't know that, and that's not any of your buisness"

Dream slammed his hand on the wall, "Damn it Is, your supposed to be my wife, not lusting after Lucifer"  I banished him from my dreams and sat up in my cell hugging my chest, my stomach growled audibly.

"you have every right to be annoyed with me or hate me, I shouldn't have come here and demanded anything of you, but Dream contacted me and knows where I am”

 “Child I know already. That’s what im after. Can’t you understand… you’re the bait” Lucifers voice rang through my head, connecting with me, filling my brain. Was this how they urged people on to commit crimes.  I flushed embarrassed

"How much of that did you hear?”

 “Darling all of it… don’t feel bad though. Many people lust after the things that are dark and mysterious”

It was like they were in my cell in real life, the smell of the bath they were taking, the smell of wine. I closed my eyes and saw them before me, sipping the wine I smelled before.

 "ya know its rude to drink wine and not offer some to the key factor of your enemies undoing.”

I saw them smirking.

 “It’s rude to demand such a thing when you are eaves dropping and all together be plain rude. So atlas no wine for brats” 

"you could punish me for my disobedience, but I think part of you is to afraid you'll get flustered looking at me" I smirked 

“Sorry, little mouse’s are not my type I’m afraid you’re wrong. I won’t stop you from picturing such desires later tonight though”

 “no, but my parent is your type though..." I snapped throwing a glass of water i had summoned in frustration

 “They might… what is it to you?” They chuckled  I didn't respond, their words hurt more then I'd care admit even if it was just a jab to make me flustered.   A pout formed on the light bringers face

“did the mouse loose her tongue? Doesn’t matter… you’ll talk soon enough. At least if you are anything like desire”  "for someone who says I'm not their type, you keep talking" I snarked a bit of pain in my voice, I wiped away my tears and swallowed the emotion knowing they didn't care for tears  “Only for my entertainment”  "yes but your only doing it in my thoughts your not touching me your not in front of me and therefore I can tune you out and spoil your fun" I teased with a chuckle

“If you are going to torture me at least do it where I can see you.”  “Quite the flirt aren’t you, yet so different then your parent” I teased “I am not going anywhere. Quite frankly I’m still enjoying my bath and I am not going to waste my precious time on a little mouse like you”

Their voice left my head and I couldn’t help to feel heartbroken…

Lucifers POV

Mazikeen entered my room, she sighed. “My lord wasn’t that a little bit too harsh.”

I sighed “I don’t think it was, she was flirting… Desire would have wanted me to decline her efforts so I did. they haven’t visited in a while. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had forgotten about me all together” I sighed sipping my wine trying not to cry

Makikeen’s eyes softened as she looked at me with pity, she walked up to me and rubbed the tension out my shoulders.

‘’Have you tried calling them’’ she sighed.

“Yes, multiple times but, I lost all hope and gave up”  Mazikeen looked at the call log, and pressed call for me, Desire answered, "Luci baby are you there?? Hello hello?"  Mazikeen tossed me my phone. I shook my head and gave the phone back to mazikeen

“I- I can’t. It’s always me who takes the first step I can’t”

I whispered before leaving stepping out on the balcony 

"Hey Desire it's Mazikeen, Lucifer is currently indisposed at the moment, can I take a message?"

Mazikeen paused,

"oh your here, I- I'll ask them if they want company?"  Mazikeen looked at me,

"There- There here”

 “Send them in” is all i said, I needed them to explain. I was mad. And sad. All things I have not felt in a while Mazikeen nodded and went to the front entrance to the grand palace of hell and let Desire in. Desire was wearing Lucifers favorite color on them and was carrying a bouquet of flowers and a basket of treats and a stuffed dragon, and the next book in the game of thrones series wrapped up.

"I -I know I have not been able to call them back.. what am I walking into ? How mad are they?”

 Mazikeen gave them a grim look

"You'll find out" 

Desire walked into the opulent bedroom and noted the wine, the book with the carefully folded dog eared page and a messy bed. They saw their lover on the balcony, they removed their high heels,

"luci baby? Before you yell at me please let me explain”

 I looked at them with my tears stained cheeks

“well?” 

"I have been looking everywhere for my daughter, she wasn't at the wedding, I have searched every realm but yours because I knew if you had her you'd tell me.... I also knew that if I came here in my search I'd get distracted because you're my weakness and my greatest treasure I'm sorry.... I shouldn't have ignored you, I shouldn't have muted your calls I should have answered.. I didn't want to hurt you baby, you know how much I love you please, can we talk about it? You can punish me if you really want to but please don't leave me"

Desire whispered feeling extremely weak 

“I haven’t spoken to you in MONTHS. Your daughter is in the cells, I caught her snooping on me not too long ago, suit yourself”

I sighed looking back outside 

"You don't know what HE has on me, do you think I wanted to be away from you...your the only one who has ever made me feel like I have a home in this world"

Desire said crying softly 

"I have been forced to work and make sure everything is perfect for that fucking wedding... and to make sure everyone else is happy, and in doing so I've neglected us? The one thing I actually care about...Do you know how fucking hard that's been"

Desire was sobbing

 “Do you know how hard it’s been in here. To let myself love and then feel like I have been thrown from heavens all over again because once again I felt like I was going to be thrown out of someone’s life. He… he embaressed me in front of my kingdom. No one fears me anymore. He took my dignity and took the one thing I loved with him by not letting me see you. In the meantime your daughter has been flirting with me and I’m confused. before you say anything… no, I didn’t do anything. I even declined. Not that it matters to you”

I spat I was angry crying. My heart was shattered.

“If you love me then show me”

i cried harder squeezing the railing for support  Desire wrapped their arms around me and kissed me passionately, taking their time with me. A kiss I desperately needed. My mind was a mess.

"is this what you want?"

Desire kissed me again and I foolishly kissed them back moaning softly but still crying. I pulled them closer and laced my hands in their hair Desire moaned wiping away my tears and kissed my forehead,

"I love you so much baby, please talk to me, tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it" Desire punctuated their words with kisses 

“Love me… make me forget… please”

 Desire nodded guiding me back to the bedroom, they shut the balcony door, and removed my robe as well as their own clothes and began to passionately kiss every part of me

"I love you"

"every"

“part"

"of"

“you"

Desire kissed me in between every word and gently trailed their hands along my frame. They began to suck on my inner thighs gently working the shaft of my cock. I moaned softly pulling their hair softly They whimpered at my actions wrapping their lips around my shaft and sucking gently, rolling their tongue around the tip of my dick, when suddenly desires phone began to ring. They ignored it continuing to pleasure me. When it rang again. They ignored it and this time began to choke and gasp on my cock. They stopped for a moment catching their breath, rubbing their neck.

“I missed you” they whispered stroking my cock and starting to suck again. “Fuck darling” I moaned biting my lip I noticed dreams reigns on desire were taking their toll. They were bleeding and I cupped their face making them look at me and stop.  “You’re bleeding” I said my breath heavy They nodded trying to be seductive, "It's okay just ignore it”

 “You’ll die…” I whispered

“just pick up on the little stalker I’ll be in my bed” I sighed I started cleaning the bed and tucking myself in. Realizing it was just like before.

Desires POV 

I looked at them as if I had been slapped, and answered the phone.

"WHAT WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT DREAM???" I was sobbing and angry

"NO I HAVENT FOUND HER YET, NO I DONT KNOW WHERE SHE IS, GOD DAMN IT WOULD YOU JUST LET IT GO, SHE DOESNT WANT TO HE WITH YOU I THINK SHE PROVED THAT POINT WHEN SHE RAN AWAY STOP RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE"  "Why do you want her so bad?? You're like a child with a billion toys but they jump at the opportunity to get the one thing that they can't have. PLEASE, I can't do this anymore I want to break our deal"

I whispered brokenly 

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you of the consequences"

Dream sneered at me and concluded the call. I doubled over in pain, my hair turned bright white and their eyes a yellow color. I frowned,

"Am I still pretty?”

 “I’d always think that…am I still attractive?” They asked me, I had never seen them like this before.

 "yes darling, always "

I crawled up Lucifers legs to their chest and kissed them passionately

"d-do you still love me?”

 “I always will, even if you neglect me” They whispered 

I frowned and kissed their face passionately,

"it was not intentional”

 “ make it up to me then” They smirked at me.  I slid their cock inside of me and bounced on their cock wildly riding them,

"fuck baby yes that's it, tell me you love me “

 “Fuck” they grabbed my hips and growled in my ear “I love you” they guided my hips to move faster. I did as their hands commanded and went harder faster pushing myself down on their cock and their cock deeper inside of me,

"fuck Luci yes that's it baby, fucking ruin me make yours”

 “Fucking moan for me” They growled biting my neck. Their voice made me shudder and I moaned screaming their name like a prayer over and over again,

"Luci I'm close!! Baby please come for me”

 They moaned louder

“cum… cum for me”  

That was all I needed to reach my climax. I moaned cumming on their cock,

"fuck baby yes, fill me up”

 They buried their face in my chest cumming deep inside me.  I kissed their face stroking away the sweat damp blonde curls and moved off of them to spoon them

"I love you, no matter what happens please know that”

 Lucifer nodded their head and tried to relax, my legs shaking to match theirs.  I held them close and sang softly to them till they drifted to sleep in my arms. When I awoke the next morning I was painfully aware of people's needs in the mortal realm I kissed Lucifers cheek told them I'd be back and left.

I returned from my day in the mortal realm around noon and immediately kissed lucifers cheek

"I missed you today, did anything happen while I was gone?”

They started to chuckle.

 “I wouldn’t know I was out cold, where did you go last night…” Their voice sounded painfully sad and I knew I had to tell them at this point. They had suffered enough.

 I sat up and held my sides,

"I- I need to tell you something and before you get mad at me, or you get angry or freak out I need you to just listen to me...can you do that please?”

 They furrowed their brows

“what did you do?”

 I stood up away from them, "what if I told you I found a way to spite dream? And I did it. I did it to watch his life divulge into chaos and to make him suffer.... I did it to spite him, to help you so we can destroy him... the mortals are nothing more then our servants, and normally I wouldn't bother with trivial affairs from them because they are nothing more then entertainment for us, they serve us. Not the other way around as my idiotic siblings think. But I've done it, I have found a way to ruin him, I did it for you, for me for all of the others who are sick and tired of being in the King of Dreams shadow. I fucked her, I heard her calling out to me, all she wanted was a child, and I gave her the experience of a life time. Free of charge, I bred her like a bitch in heat, and now she swells with my child, a child that will be a Vortex. I did it to spite him, Mr. Perfect, Mr. Sandman everyone's favorite . I singlehandedly found a way to make his life a living fucking hell. All we need is that girl, the vortex all we need is her. So I cheated on you to spite dream, but if it helps you in the long run baby is it really so bad what I did?" I purred batting my eyelashes at them.

Lucifers POV

 I stared at them in blind disbelief I released my hand from their lap and stood up from the bed wanting to be as far away from them as possible sipping my wine and lighting a cigarette. I didn’t even smoke, but it felt like the time to start.

 They followed the and laced their hands around my waist like a snake,

"Baby please you have to understand it was all for us, for your plan? You know no one compares to you right?"

They kissed my exposed skin making their way to my neck before trailing down my arms and wincing at the offending cigarette smoke.

"You don't smoke, what is this?" 

“What is it to you” I shrugged them off taking a hit.

 "Everything, you are Everything to me. I love you... is this gonna be a thing now youre mad at me every time I have to fuck someone ?"

They asked smacking the cigarette from my hands and over the balcony. I could not believe what I was hearing. Desire telling me they had to fuck someone for work. They who never viewed the mortals as superior. I looked at them and spat my words out with venom.  

“It’s not work, you never saw it as work. You don’t serve people they serve you… that’s what is right? If I was everything to you, you would have cried right here right now, pleading to me. But to you I’m just a number. I haven’t been more then that. You’ve proven that again and again. I didn’t hear from you for months, and now you left me for “work” and decide to fuck another mortal whore. I might have fallen from heavens but at least I had some dignity for the ones I love.”

I threw my glass on the floor and smacked the door shut as I left my bed room and headed to the garden. It wasn’t a pretty garden but it would do, it was my own space. One that I confided in when I was alone and just fell. It’s my own version of Eden. And I wanted to seek piece and quiet.

 They followed me against my will but Desire only did what they did best. Put themselves first over anyone else even after cheating on me.

"Lucifer you know who I am you know what I am you know what I do for the mortals.... your not just a fucking number for me, I do love you damn it. But I can't change who I am or what I am?!?! So if you wanted some prim virgin with no experience or knowledge of the world then congratulations go fuck my daughter. But if you can accept that this is who I am then baby I'm right here. Take it or leave it" they shouted their voice an angry rasp tears formed in their eyes.  I looked back and pointed out the behavior

“this… is what I mean. Desires are more then sex you and I both know that. Never in your life did you fuck someone, you refused. I’ve known you since you were old enough to fucking run your realm on your own. I’ve known that real better then you, your tasks, you don’t fool me… you had a choice, you choose the mortals. Go ahead. Sleep your way to the top for all I care, but you are not crying your heart out to me anymore. You know your way out. I’m done talking to you.”

I turned my back towards them crying and curling myself up in a ball. It hurt. I would be alone again. My task for today was to stay out of isleens way. If I saw her, I’d jump on her immediately out of spite and she doesn’t deserve that.

 "You know what? Your right... I don't deserve you and the mortals don't deserve me maybe she can serve them better I'm done. A world without you in it is just to painful, I'm done" Desire fled

 Mazikeen approached me tentatively from behind, she hugged me,

"I'm sorry my lord, they didn't deserve you”

 I cried harder in her arms, sobbing till it felt like my ribs were breaking She comforted me for as long as I needed, holding me like this, she played with my hair and rubbed my back.

 I cried till the crying turned into screaming, and crying again. My sobs carrying through all of hell.

I guess I have always known that love was not meant to be in my cards. God made sure I knew that.

Isleens POV

I heard their desperate cries. I heard everything. The sex, the yelling, glass breaking and then lucifers screams. Even though I too was heartbroken and wanted to say that this was their karma for treating me like this, I couldn’t help to feel sorry for them.

Maybe this would be the time to seek friendship and bond over the heartbreak we both share.

I picked up a pen and paper and wrote them a letter, shoving it under the door for Mazikeen to see.

Now all I needed to do was wait…

#gwendoline christie #fanfic #smut #lucifer morningstar #desire #the sandman #morpheus #ao3 fanfic #tumblr fyp

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sillygonk · 6 months

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Strings of Devotion [ao3]

summary: Samurai is rapidly gaining popularity, despite being relatively new to the industry. The group leader and vocalist, Johnny Silverhand, quickly became a heartthrob, furtherly increasing the band's reputation. But their path to money and fame can’t be too easy. Banzai Riot, another fresh Night City band, is gaining fans just as quickly as Samurai, and is led by an enigmatic girl known as "V". As both bands soar in popularity, their rivalry (or rather rivalry between the leaders) escalates, fueled by a one-of-a-kind opportunity – Battle of the Bands competition with a three-year contract from Universal Recording as the grand prize. Will they jump down each other's throats first chance they get, or will they find a common ground amidst their shared journey to success?

pairing: Johnny Silverhand/V

word count: 4,4k

Chapter II ->

Chapter I – Get in gonk, we’re going to get famous!

In the waking world, where reality's gleam, I long for the man from my nightly dream. When I try to reach, he fades from my sight, Leaving me alone in the quiet night.

In the first rays of light I whisper his name, But he's vanished, like…

Like, uh… Like…

Fuck.

“Writer's block again?”

V stopped scribbling and looked up at Raf from her notebook. “Yeah,” she ran a hand through her ruffled hair. “I… It's just, like, my brain is playing hide-and-seek and I’m losing every fucking round. Fucking pisses me off.”

She tried to break through that creative barrier for the past hour, while ignoring both the loud music playing in the background and the lively banter of her bandmates gathered around their favorite booth at El Coyote Cojo. This rickety old thing had seen it all and was marked by years of their spilled drinks, drumstick banging and even jack-knife carvings on the tabletop, for which they got an earful from Pepe couple years back.

V was mindlessly running her fingers along the gashes, cursing under her breath. Seeing her frustration, Raf sighed heavily into his beer and took a sip. “I think you just need to chill, you know? Take it easy. Clear your head.”

“Ooor, you know,” Nova smirked. ”Fuck what he said and let’s start a good ol’ bar brawl and see where the night takes us. That will give you some inspiration.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I need another fucking charges on my record,” V snorted, looking into her friend's pink optics. “Plus, Mamá would kill me if I blew up in her bar again.”

“I’m not saying here. I‘m saying, like, in general.”

“Maybe don’t say anything else, how ‘bout that?” Raf sighed again.

V just rolled her eyes at them. Like fire and water, Nova and Raf were total opposites. Nova thrived on chaos. She was beautiful, loud, and was always drawing attention wherever she went. Even though she was a big softie on the inside, Nova had an unapologetic attitude and was a force to be reckoned with. Raf on the other hand was the epitome of calm and collected for most of the time, but behind his composed exterior hid a batshit crazy madness. Sometimes, when his rational façade would crack, he’d dive headfirst into the unknown just for the giggles. He was also, as the only guy in the band, just a baby.

She equally loved and hated them sometimes.

“What about that new track you've been working on, V?” Misty chimed in and started humming. “The one with the killer riff?”

“Ah, that one,” V sipped her beer. "Well, I have a track with no lyrics. Nothing we will make outta this.”

“We can say it’s a ballad and call it a day.”

A drink almost flowed out of V’s nose when she snorted.

“Yea, I don’t think that would be enough, Mist.”

Nothing was ever enough anymore, it sometimes seemed. Ever since they started taking music seriously, nothing had been the same.

At first, it had all been just for fun – they had been just a pack of raggedy teens who tried to find a way to blow off some steam in a safer way then jumping into gang life or ending up as dorphers. It started in abandoned garages or basements with klepped equipment and no skills. Their learning stage had been laughable at best, but it was better than wandering the streets looking for trouble. They honed their skills, at first getting somewhat good and then better and better each day. They began to realize that their music held a power beyond mere entertainment. It was their way to escape the reality for a while. It even became a lifeline in the darkest of times.

Then, slowly but surely, a shy idea rooted in their minds that maybe, just maybe, they could turn their passion into something more. Sometimes they dared to dream of a future where music was not just a hobby, but a way of life.

In the beginning they ignored these silly dreams, thinking they were too big for their own good. However, over time, they managed to convince one or two owners of second-rate pubs to let them play here and there. Then they even got the courage to ask Mamá Welles if they could play at the Coyote and to their delight, she agreed right away. “I thought you'd never ask,” she even said. To their even bigger delight, after their little gig, she told them that they should think of it more seriously. And that was it. For the first time they really thought the idea through and made their decision.

The legends of this city.

And now, here they were, stuck in one place, trapped in the shadows of their own ambition. They still had almost no name, no money, and in their minds, no prospects in a city where everyone wants to be a legend. They were getting somewhat recognizable locally, but it was too little and too slow. They all knew that their path to a breakthrough would be rocky, but come on. Not that rocky.

Still, they were refusing to let their dreams die. They may have been naive back then, when they made that decision, but now? Now they knew that they were meant for something more. They may not have been the most fortunate, but they had their passion, their perseverance, and, most importantly, the unbreakable bond that held them together. Which was cringe if V thought about it long enough, but she wasn’t one to denied it.

And as V reflected on those formative years, she couldn't help but smile at the memory of the innocent teens with stars in their eyes. They persisted despite the hardships, living hand-to-mouth, with empty pockets but unbroken spirits. They poured their hearts into every chord, every lyric, clinging to the hope that someday, their determination would pay off. They just needed to do better and be better. Better than anyone else.

So no, V didn’t think that leaving their song at “ballad” stage would be enough.

“Alright, V,” Raf placed a hand on her shoulder, his voice soft but firm. “Show me the stuff.”

“It’s not finished,” V stated, trying to hide her notebook away.

“And it will never be finished if you’ll keep gatekeep us, you gonk.”

This time it was V who sighed. Even though Raf was (usually) right, she would never admit it out loud. Fucking smartass. She handed him her notebook.

As Raf flipped through the pages, he nodded or shook his head while reading her never finished lyrics. V was on the edge of her seat, waiting for his take. When he finally got to the latest part, he laughed.

“The man from my nightly dream? Who the fuck you writing about?”

“Not your fucking business, that’s who,” V scowled, snatching the notebook from his hands.

“Hey, I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m saying it’s a bit corny.”

“Then you write something, funny guy,” V rolled her eyes. “You are all trash today, seriously. Maybe except Misty.”

She wasn’t going to count the silent one, Prime, as she was baked out of her mind in the corner of their booth, as usual, not bothering anyone.

“Why thank you,” Misty smiled. “And don’t listen to them. Writer's block is just another hurdle in the vast maze of creativity. Take a step back, breathe in the chaos of the world around you, and let it fuel your imagination. Night City wasn't built in a day, and neither is a masterpiece. Just trust your abilities, trust the process, and you'll be back in the zone before you know it.”

A small smile spread on V’s lips. Misty, always the sweetheart, was her forever favorite addition to the band.

“Thanks Mist. You’re seriously an angel.”

“I know,” she smiled sweetly. “Maybe I should give you a reading?”

“Eh, not today,” she drank rest of beer in one gulp. “You will pull out The Fool card and my mood will be ruined.”

“V, I told you hundred times now, The Fool card does not-“

“Yeah, yeah, it does not mean I’m the fool, I know. Still doesn’t make me feel any better when you pull it out every single time,” she murmured under her breath, suddenly irritated at the stupid card. Misty only giggled and pat V’s head.

“Is there any way to make your mood better then?”

“Yeah. I need another drink.”

As if on cue, Jackie appeared on the top of the stairs, walking towards their table with a tray full of beers, smiling widely.

“Hola fuckers. And Misty.”

“Jackie, my man!” Raf greeted him with a grin, sliding over to make room for him. “Finally missed us enough to crawl out of a studio?”

The man in question shot a quick glance at Misty and V tried to hide the smirk, though unsuccessfully, when she saw her friend blush.

“Maybe a bit,” he placed the tray on the table and sat next to Raf, stretching out on the bench. “But I come with big news and you’re going to lose your minds.”

“We’ll see. What do you have?” V nodded at him, already reaching out for a beer.

Jackie placed a flyer on the table. “A chance for you to finally make a name. Music contest.”

“Music contest?” Nova frowned and leaned in to take a better look at the brochure. “Like a talent show for kids at school?”

V silently agreed with the comparison. In her mind's eye, she couldn't shake the image of over-the-top judges acting like they know shit, fumbled mediocre performances and uninterested applause. They would most probably end up as some kind of puppets, doing mere sideshow for the amusement of others.

“Hey, don’t insult me, chica. I wouldn’t have come to you with this if it was not legit. This isn’t some dive bar competition, it’s an opportunity, a big one. And, it’s in Afterlife,” Jackie wiggled his eyebrows.

Afterlife? The Afterlife, a cornerstone of Night City's underground music scene? And, sure, mercenary work offered by first-rate fixers, or whatever, since lines between the criminal underworld and the artsy trades somehow got really blurry there, but dude. The music scene. Everyone who wanted to become someone dreamed about Afterlife. This was where real deals were made.

Well. V could re-consider being a puppet if it takes place in the Afterlife.

“So… It is legit?”

“Por supuesto. At least check it.”

Nova reached for the flyer with a heavy sigh and read it quickly. “Batlle of the Bands, yada yada, big opportunity for newbie bands- newbie? I ain’t a newbie, it’s you guys who are amateurs.”

“Just fucking read it Nova,” Raf grimaced.

“Fine, Christ. The competition will consist of presentation and three phases, yada yada yada, oh, OHH!” She exclaimed excitedly and sat on her knees. “The winner will sign a three-year contract with Universal Recording. Guys, Universal Recording! It really is legit!”

“What did I just say?” Jackie rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. But seriously, we've been playing gigs at crappy joints for too long. This really could be our big break.”

“Where did you even heard about it, Jackie?” Misty frowned.

“Wakako tipped me off about it,” he shrugged. “Talked with her about you guys copula times, guess she thought it might help you. As soon as she got the detes she let me know. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t already knew about this. Wasn’t Dex supposed to take care of stuff like that? This is a huge deal.”

“Well, Dex is a shitty manager,” V scoffed. “Fucking unbelievable that your cares about us more than our own.”

V met Jackie’s manager a couple of times now. Wakako Okada was a fucking scary woman. Professional and polite, sure, always treating everyone with the same level of respect and courtesy, but she was also reading you like an open book, her piercing gaze seemed to see straight through your core, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. And yet, despite not knowing her very well (and low-key being scared of her), V couldn't help but feel a deep respect for Wakako. She was one of the best in the business, after all, and there was no denying that. If Wakako wasn’t representing solo artists exclusively, and only within the rap and hip-hop genre, V would gladly sell her kidney to afford hiring her. At least Jackie made the cut, and V was really happy that he was able to work with the woman. She let him spread his wings and he was currently recording his first album under her watchful eye. Lucky bastard.

“You seriously should take care of your own biz all the more,” the lucky bastard said.

Guess he was right. They couldn't really deny the allure of this whole shebang. After all, when opportunity like this is literally knocking at their door, they couldn't afford to lose it. Especially if they were left to their own devices. V glanced around at her bandmates with a flicker of hope and was met with excited smiles and silent nods. From all except one since Prime was still spaced out and didn’t say a word since they sat down at the table.

Prime. Always a woman of few words. It might have something to do with her always being stoned, but, as she always said, no one had any proof for that. And she was right, if her constantly bloodshot eyes and the smell of pot that clung to her clothes were not proof enough.

V nudged her lightly.

“Astra? You with us?”

“Huh? Yeah,” Prime blinked slowly, her gaze drifting lazily towards V. “Sup?”

“We have a situation,” V handed her a flyer. “Big shit, big chance. We might even score a record deal. What do you think, we’re in or we’re out?”

Astra took a minute to check out the brochure and nodded slowly. “Oh, hell yeah, we’re in.”

“Really?” V beamed.

“Yeah, dude. That sounds cool,” she focused on the flyer once again and her eyes widened. “Yooo, this in Afterlife? Are we finally hitting the big leagues or sum?”

“That’s the plan, babygirl,” Nova laughed at her stoned enthusiasm.

“Oh, hell yeah, that sound epic.”

“Aight,” V nodded. “Then we just need to get the application and-” she fell silent when she saw Jackie pull application card and a pen from his inside pocket. “The big man thought of everything I see. Thanks Jacks.”

“A sus órdenes, chica,” he saluted mockingly.

“Kay. Guess we’re really fucking doin’ it,” V started to filling up their application with a goofy grin. “Nova, you want to go with full name?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Badges don’t have anything on me anymore, I don’t give a shit.”

“Cool, cool,” V quickly finished putting in their detes. “Okay gonks, sign this up and I’m taking it to the Afterlife.”

“I'll tag along,” Raf quipped in, already signing the papers. “I should get going anyway, I have morning shift tomorrow, so I’ll at least keep you company for a while.”

V narrowed her eyes at him.

“You just want me to drive you home afterwards, don’t you?”

“Yup.”

“Fine.”

When the papers were signed and the beers were finished, everyone decided to go their separate ways. Raf wasn't the only one working in the morning after all. The booth cleared and the gang headed downstairs, empty glasses in hand, so that Pepe wouldn't have to clean up after them.

Finding an opportunity, V tugged on Jackies sleeve, pulling him away from the group.

“Will you ever ask her out, Jacks?” V smirked at the man.

Jackie stuttered, tips of his ears turning red at the question.

“Dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Oh really? Well, that’s a shame,” she hummed. “Misty would be thrilled.”

“You think?” his eyes gleamed and V laughed.

“Yea, you gonk. You just need to finally grow your balls,” she punched him on the arm, which he most probably didn’t even felt.

Jackie’s gaze wandered to Misty again. He cleared his throat and nodded, but pushed V to the side when she laughed at him. They said their goodbyes to Pepe and went outside.

“I, uh, I’ll take Prime home,” Nova winked at V with a smirk, which she returned, silently acknowledging their shared mission.

“Right, we should be on our way too. Need to take this pretty girl home.”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty?” Raf batted his eyelashes.

“The prettiest.”

“Prettier than Nova?”

“I heard that!” Nova yelled, already a few steps ahead, tugging Astra along. “You kids be safe. See ya tomorrow.”

V laughed and waved at them, then pointed at Jackie. “See you soon, Jacks?”

“Obviously,” he smiled. “Still have some jobs bagged, waiting for us.”

“I sure hope so. We need to finish them before you’ll be too famous for that,” she hugged him tightly.

“Still have a lot of time,” he ruffled her hair.

With a quick wave to Misty, assuring her she will be home soon, V and Raf made their way to where V's motorcycle was parked nearby, trying to disappear quickly and leave the lovebirds alone. She swung a leg over the back of the bike.

“Hop on, babygirl,” she patted the seat. Raf sat down behind her, but not without rolling his eyes. He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“That’s like, what, twenty minute drive?”

“I’ll make it in fifteen,” V smirked and revved the engine.

They took off, making their way through the streets of Night City, wind whipping through their hair. V weaved through late-night traffic with ease, the scenery shifting from the gleaming towers of the corpo districts to the gritty urban sprawl of the combat zones, flickering streetlights flashing by in a blur. Though the journey was quick, V still sighed sadly when she checked the time after parking the bike in the dark alley. Seventeen minutes.

They made their way inside and paused briefly to explain to the security guy why they were here. He nodded in acknowledgment before directing them to the bartender. As they stepped further into the bar, V felt a thrill of excitement going down her spine. Just being here was enough for her to feel less stuck and more hopeful about their future. They reached the bar and she smiled at the woman.

“Hey.”

“Hi. What can I getcha?”

“Rather, what we can get you. Application for the Battle of the Bands,” Raf flashed his charming smile at the woman, while V pulled out their application.

“Alright kids,” she smirked and reach out. “Let me just check the papers real quick, can't ignore the drill.”

She took the application from V’s hand, took a moment to glance over it, her expression thoughtful. Then, with a nod of approval, she returned it to them.

“Looks good to me. Now I just need the entry fee and you’re good to go.”

“Entry fee?” Raf’s smile faded.

“Yup. There’s always a catch,” she tapped at the bottom of the papers. Both V and Raf looked down.

NOTE: entry fee – 3,500 ed

V huffed and rubbed at her eyebrow nervously. Nova and her fucking reading comprehension.

“Shit. Just… Just gimme a minute, okay? I need to make a call.”

“Who you callin’?” Raf frowned.

“Dex. We ain’t gonna pay from our own pocket, he’s the fucking manager, he need to manage,” she moved away from the bar and headed towards the exit.

“Whoa, wait then, I need to hear you chewing him out,” he laughed and winked at Claire. “We’ll be right back.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Claire chuckled and shook her head to herself as they made their way out. They were kinda adorable, she had to admit, with wide eyes but still exuding self-confidence. With a little smirk on her face, Claire got back to polishing the countertop as out of the corner of her eye she noticed a tall figure in leather jacket approaching the bar. She let out a resigned sigh.

“What now?”

“Those two that left, did I just saw them submitting an application?”

“Yup. Seems like they're gearing up to give you a run for your money."

“Lemme see their papers, huh?”

“You know I can’t do that, Johnny.”

“I know, but you have a soft spot for me,” he smiled sweetly.

“I do not.”

“And for me?” a second guy approached them.

“Don’t get involved, Kerry, you’re supposed to be the reasonable one.”

Kerry shrugged. “We’re just curious.”

When the woman rolled her eyes, Johnny whined.

“C’mooon, lemme see, I’ve been a good boy today.”

“The day hasn't ended yet,” she raised her eyebrow. He took it as a challenge.

“You poked the bear, Claire,” he snatched the documents before she could stop him.

"Johnny, I said no!" the woman exclaimed, her tone sharp with anger, but it was already too late. He quickly scrutinized the papers, narrowing his eyes, when he saw something he did not wanted to see.

Banzai Riot V – lead vocals, rhythm guitar Lara “Nova” Foster – lead guitar, vocals Rafael Gupta – bass Misty Olszewski – violin Astra Prime – drums

“So?” Kerry urged him. “Who are they?”

Johnny clenched his jaw and showed him their info. Kerry glanced at it, his eyes getting wider.

“The fuckers from Banzai?”

“Apparently.”

He heard about them, of course he did. A new band on the rise, slowly gaining fans and momentum, just like Samurai. Making a name was already hard enough when you're fighting for it with no opponents, but when do you add another young and dynamic team to the race? One that is similar in style, on top of it? Nightmare. It was one thing to compete against other bands, but to go head-to-head with a group that was basically their mirror image was not fucking good. Johnny knew that in the cutthroat world of the music industry, standing out was crucial. But now, with those motherfuckers in the scene, it was going to be so much fucking harder to achieve.

Kerry’s voice got him out of his head.

“Shit, they're coming. Put it back!”

Johnny quickly put the papers back in their place and turned around, nonchalantly leaning on the left side of bar with his elbows, his back to those little fuckers. Kerry, similarly, looked the other way, but both of them strained their ears to get any details about their rivals. Claire rolled her eyes at them.

“Kay, can send you the eddies now,” said the girl rather happily, her eyes glowing with blue.

“Okay, got it. From… V?”

“Yep.”

Oh, so she is the leader. She most certainly didn’t look like one, Johnny thought, barely holding back a snort. A sly grin tugged at the corners of his lips instead, as he processed the newfound information. With long basketball shorts, ripped tank top and checked shirt tied around her waist she hardly looked the part of a rock star. She looked more like someone you'd find shooting hoops at the local court than leading a fucking hardrock band.

As Johnny's mind wandered, Claire's distant voice slowly pulled him back from his thoughts. He blinked, refocusing his attention on the scene unfolding behind his back.

"… your own equipment, ‘cause the sounding is on us. Other than that, you’re all set.”

“Thanks Claire,” he heard the guy’s voice. “Appreciate it, really.”

“No prob. Guess we will see each other often over the next few weeks, so there will be an occasion to say it again, but still good luck.”

“Thanks,” the girl, V, said, and he could hear a smile in her voice. “See ya around, then.”

“See you,” Claire watched them go and when they were out of the earshot, she narrowed her eyes at Johnny and Kerry. “Enjoyed your eavesdropping?”

“Wasn’t even listening to that bubbly little bitch,” Johnny scoffed, turning around to face her again. “Can you fix me a drink?”

The bartender shook her head in disbelief but relented, reaching for a glass and a bottle of tequila. She poured him a new one, which he accepted with quick thanks and returned to his table, Kerry hot on his heels.

“That chick was their vocalist, did you gathered that?”

Kerry glanced at him, a puzzled expression crossing his face. "Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, I guess.”

“You guess? The fuck you mean?”

“I dunno, man,” Kerry shrugged, his gaze wandering back to the direction where their competition disappeared. “Was more focused on checking out the guy she was with.”

“Dumbass,” Johnny groaned. “Well, while you were busy checkin’ out the gonk, I was busy listenin’. Turns out, that chick is the one callin’ the shots."

Kerry's eyes widened in surprise, his attention finally fully focused on Johnny's words. "Seriously?” When he was met with Johnny’s uh-huh, he hummed. “Damn, she sure is unobtrusive,” he thought in silence for a while, but couldn’t suppress a twinge of doubt gnawing at his gut. His brow furrowed with worry. “Think we should be worried?”

"Please, they've got nothing on us. We've got this in the bag," Johnny said, downing his Tequila Old Fashioned.

Sure. They had it in the bag. One hundred percent.

Or, if he was really honest with himself, ninety nine percent.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They stepped out of the bar, their laughter echoed through the dark alley as they made their way back to V’s bike. Raf grinned, his eyes shining with excitement.

“Can you fucking believe it? We have a fucking golden ticket to the Major Leagues!”

“I know,” V smiled, fishing a cigarette from her back pocket. She lit it with a flick of her lighter and took a long drag. “And call me fucking crazy, but I think we stand a chance.”

“Are you kidding? We've got this in the bag, V!”

She smiled at his enthusiasm. He was right. He was fucking right, they could totally score this. All they needed was determination, which they had, confidence, which they had, and a talent, which they obviously also had.

A bit of luck would be also welcome, but to the hell with it – they were working hard for the success and they will succeed. Right now, they just needed to focus, work hard and show all them gonks something good. Something memorable and spectacular. Something…

“Aww, shit.”

“What?”

“Now I really need to think of a new song.”

#cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #fem v #silverv #au #alternate universe #cp2077 #cyberpunk fanfic #slow burn #enemies to lovers #original characters

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