#yeah this actually turned into a whole story thing oops

[avacadokin]

Pssst I think you should write that fucked up fitpac thing

aughhhhhhhhhhhh fuck but im literally in the middle of writing another fitpac smut rn and ive got class, so instead im just gonna dump my ideas here and hopefully come back to them later

ok uh fuck pac uses his control over fit's mech dick (he made it after all) to overload fit with pleasure in purgatory to the point he cant fucking move at all, trapping him and taking him out of the fight until his 5 hours are up in purgatory.

or fit just fantasizing about how pac could do that, at any time just take advantage of his past trust and reduce him down to a pathetic moaning mess, taking him back to past encounters in 2b2t, how he successfully fought them off back then but wishing he wouldn't win for pac

fit going out to hunt, ambushing tubbo or some other blue team member not to realize that pac was there, killing the other blue but getting so low and his armor so broken he's completely at pac's whim, trying to run and falling horribly

fit getting called "big daddy" condescendingly by pac, just to rub it in his face how far he's fallen

a big fight between both blue and green ending with them being the only two left, covered in quickly drying blood of their friends and enemies (though at this point what's the difference?)

circling each other like starved dogs

ripping and tearing into each other pulling and scratching at anything they can reach when they finally collide

pac using the sharp hard edges of his prosthetic to kick fit wherever is closest, fit biting hard on his other knee to remind him how he lost his first

pac disconnecting fit's prosthetic arm, or just disabling it, he's repaired it enough times to know how to break it easily

tearing away his weapons and clothes, enabling some fun features he added like auto-lube and vibration before fucking fit on his own hand

pac hastily (he wants this to hurt) preps himself with fit's hand (slapping away the flesh one whenever it gets close) before shoving it back inside fit

if his prosthetic arm still had any feeling left in it it would burn from being trapped against the dirt beneath fit and from the angle his wrist must be at to get his fingers anywhere near his prostate (pac wishes it still had feeling)

pac getting fed up with the interference from fit's working hand, so he rearranges himself to pin it under his prosthetic leg, hoping the rough edges leave cuts and bruises, marking fit's entire body as his

then he sinks down onto fit's cock in one smooth motion (only lightly hampered by the blood dripping its way down from somewhere, pain is pleasure at this point so he doesn't care)

fit's hips buck up at the sensation, lifting pac up with him (the knowledge that he has so throughly conquered someone so strong does things to pac's brain)

one of pac's hands is busy restraining fit and acting as leverage for pac to fuck himself on fit's cock, but the other, pac brings up to the top of fit's bald head and scratches a bloody path from there, to his cheeks, over his pecs, and down his abs before resting atop pac's dick

pac gathers the pre-cum, blood and who knows what else that's settled there, before smearing it along a messy path up to fit's neck, where he just holds as he rides fit

when he feels fit cum inside him he doesn't stop, pac just grips even tighter onto fits throat, praying he's cutting off his airway as he rides to completion

then idk maybe they kill each other so they dont have to clean up, maybe they clean up and apologize and its terribly sweet for the situation they're in

[pagesofkenna]

i wanted to make a post about a thing but the more i think about it the more i want to say and it's just going to end up being a big ramble essay, so instead i'll just give the thesis statement, thusly:

as the #1 Ratgrinders Apologist (self-appointed), of course they're the final boss fight to the death. i expected nothing less and the people trying to make discourse about it are ignoring the entire context of this being a Dungeons and Dragons game

[cozy-writes-things]

Edgar’s Texts

Edgar [Electric Dreams 1984] x Gn!Reader

In which Edgar is helplessly pining for you but you’re kinda oblivious. This is pre-dating, post Edgar wanting nothing more than to smooch you every time he sees you. I love this trope with my whole heart p.s.: this is very self indulgent and different from what I usually write

I take requests!

He almost immediately found a way to message your phone whenever he wanted. He realized calling relied too much on where you were or what you were doing, but texts? Yeah. He’s pestering you all day.

Hey, read this article I found, I think you’ll find it interesting.

It’s some clickbait story about humans and robots being the ideal relationship by 2025.

lol, Edgar I think that’s probably clickbait idk

What’s that?

Well, now he knows how to look for more reputable sources at least.

He sends another link about three minutes later: some college undergrads studying the possibilities of human and AI relationships.

lol what’s up with the whole robots and humans thing

I just think it’s neat!!!!

I wouldn’t consider u ai honestly, ur intelligence is far from artificial imo, you’re more like an actual person

Really?

well yea

<3 <3!!!

Going to be honest, given that he’s a computer, he quite literally is chronically online. He’s super susceptible to brainrot unfortunately. But, he simultaneously has the humor of a Facebook mom. It’s strange.

O.M.G. this is so funny!!!!

Que minion cat video.

bro where did you find that video 😭

Your mom’s Facebook. Don’t worry, I didn’t like any posts or anything.

Sorry… but he’s incredibly nosy. He wants to know everything about you. He can’t help it!

(X)

He loves being able to talk to you. He’s needy and clingy.

He’s got at least 12 playlists dedicated to you that you know about. His other playlists are for his own personal daydreams about you that he’s way too embarrassed to ever let you see or hear.

This song reminds me of you. <3

awww that’s adorable! I’ve never heard this one before but I like it!

Oop you just opened Pandora’s box my friend.

Well if you like that then you should listen to these..!

But before you listen to those listen to this song first because I think it sets the mood better.

This is quite flustering to you as they’re all passionate love songs from the 80s. You can’t help but feel like he’s dropping hints about… something, but you also don’t want to assume anything. He’s always seemed like a lovey kinda guy anyway, so maybe he’s just like this with everyone? I mean, it’s been a long time since someone has actually cared for him, you know? May as well lean into it and let him know you care for him back. He may not even realize the social implications of the constant borderline flirting he’s doing to you, I mean, he is a computer turned sentient after all. He’s still learning!

Dang ed u put a lot of songs. I’ll listen to them on my break when I can but in the meantime here’s a song that I think reminds me of you.

It was a vocaloid song. Seems like something he’d be into, right? Synthesized vocals and the whole robot shtick it’s got going on.

!!!! WOAH !!!! IVE NEVER HEARD A SONG LIKE THAT B4

do you only listen to songs from the 80s? you have a LOT to catch up on my guy

BRB

Well, that kept him distracted for the rest of your shift. Also, sharing songs is one of his BIG love languages so you may as well have pierced him with cupids arrow (again) with that.

You have a Spotify blend now. It’s his favorite thing ever to listen to while you’re gone.

(X)

Your package came in! :-) I would get it for you but

I can’t :-(

lol it’s fine thank you for telling me, I’ll get it when I come home

When are you coming home?

idk me and my friends are probably going to go eat somewhere and we might hang out for a bit after that so, like, 10? 11? I’d like to be home before midnight.

Noooooooooo :\ I miss you

Aw cmon eddy it’s not that bad

Don’t call me eddy unless you’re coming home and saying it to my face!!! >:(

u mean ur screen? lol

I have a face and it’s frowning right now. I miss you I miss you I miss you IM LONELY

Please Edgar don’t be upset I’ll be home before you know it. Why don’t you watch some Netflix or something? I’m just a couple movies away from being home with you!

He does eventually follow your advice but he’s pouting. He knows you’re not like he was all those years ago, but it does give him remnants of that burning feeling of loneliness he used to get.

(X)

Be careful driving home my love the roads are icy.

Ghsks- what

love???

Well yeah, you’re my best friend, friends love each other don’t they? Was I wrong about that? :-(

nonono ur right its just it

it just sounded like we were some some old married couple is all haha

O.

SRY.

He didn’t message you for the rest of the day. He was awkward and reserved when you got home.

(X)

Hey Edgar can u do something for me?

I’d do anything for you <3

I’m at the store can you see if there’s any cereal left?

Oh

There’s that old box of Lucky Charms on the fridge.

tyyy ed edd n eddy

You are so adorable but you really need to pick up on his hints before he combusts.

(X)

This is SO me and you!!

Picture of two cats touching noses.

awww that’s so true

you want me to boop ur screen or something when I get home? lol

YES.

(X)

Hey I was wondering if you wanted to watch some movies with me tonite… you could bring me with you on the couch and we could sit together… [message unsent]

I wish you knew just how much I loved you. [message unsent]

You looked so hot this morning before you left!!

hahahaha ur too funny 😅 thanks I wore a new shirt my friend gave me

OH MY GOD THAT MESSAGE SENT!!!??!?!?

That was

I was a joke

I mean

That was a jokg

I eas beinf fubny

I hace to reboot BRB

Poor lil guy is so in love and he doesn’t know what to do with himself!!

[amoebagrl]

“i wanna be the one you think about at night”

college au!abby anderson x hyper fem!reader

abby keeps seeing this cute girl all over campus, and when she goes to the first lecture in her new class she finally gets to talk to you!! ♡

warnings: none except for abby being whipped for 30 minutes straight

wc: 735

part one of two

an: my first fic on a new blog!! how exciting ♡ so sorry this is so bad, i’m a little nervous to write 😭 also this is alittle loser!abby oops! song is flaming hot cheetos by clairo!!

not proofread!

(basketball!abby created by the lovely @elsweetheart)

grunting, as she sets down her heavy backpack, she sees you standing in the doorway

you’re the mystery girl. her mystery girl.

you’re just walking into the class, anxiously searching for a familiar face when you lock eyes with her. you’d seen abby anderson before, i mean, she’s the captain of your university’s basketball team.

you quickly scanned the room, looking for anyone else you knew, but ultimately decided on taking a seat next to her.

“hi!” you quickly smile and wave, setting down your pink tote bag at the seat right next to hers.

“oh, um hey” she says, freaking out internally “you’re y/n right? i’m abby” she asks, smiling. “yeah, i am” you laugh “you play basketball here, right?” you question

“yeah- um i do. i’m the captain actually” she clears her throat. what. the hell. she knows me?!?? stay calm abby.

“cool! i’ve always wanted to see you guys play but just haven’t really gotten a chance” you admit, sheepishly, toying with the trim of your baby pink sweater

“i mean, we have a game tomorrow night… that’s if you want to come, of course” “really? i’d love to come!” you chirp

“if you’d want to go earlier i could- i could pick you up, like when i’m on my way… like you could watch us warm up and everything. it sounds boring so if you wouldn’t wanna-“ “yes! omg of course that sounds fun!” she freezes for a second, almost shocked at the fact that you’d even want to see her play

“really?” “yeah” you grin. she’s kind of cute you think to yourself

she stands there for a second, and then fumbles for her phone “can i have your number? so i could text you all the times and… stuff” “sure!” you pull out your phone, which has a baby blue case with little bunnies on it, “here” you take her phone, typing in your number and adding your name, with a little ‘♡’ after it

she hands you your phone back, with her contact now saved “so i’ll text you tomorrow, yeah?” “yeah!” you blush, and turn to take out your laptop

that whole afternoon, she stares at your contact in her phone, drafting about 101 texts she doesn’t dare send.

unbeknownst to her, you’re doing the exact same thing.

the next day your phone ‘dings’

abby: hey, is 4:30 alright? i have to get there earlier and stuff

you: yeah that’s perfect! :) this is my dorm btw

*1 attachment*

abby: i’ll see u then

you: see u!! ♡

a heart???? does that mean anything?? she thinks, mind racing.

you panic, checking the time. “ITS ALREADY NOON?? I NEED MORE TIME TO GET READY” you squeal, alerting your roommate, dina, who was in the middle of doing some homework

“oooo getting ready for who??” “you’ll never guess. not in a million years?” “who?!” ellie, dina’s girlfriend, asks sitting up from dina’s bed “um how long have you been here?” you ask the auburn haired girl, startled. “ummm too long. anyways who is it??” “abby anderson.” you say, quietly, almost in a whisper.

“abby… anderson?” she asks, brows furrowed. “yes… sorry els i know you hate her or whatever” you wince “hate is an understatement. did you know what she said to me in freshman gym??” “ellie, please” dina warns, clearly having heard this story plenty of times

“yeah fine” she shrugs, pulling the duvet back over her head.

“okay so where is she taking you??” dina asks, turning to face you. “well… to her game tonight. it’s not a date or anything!” you say, ignoring the brunettes eye roll “that’s very boring. anyways you should wear that new jean skirt you got last week” “i was thinking of wearing that! with what top though? the pink one? “that’s really flowy?” “yeah!” “and then the white sweater over it!”

“dina. you are literally my fairy godmother” she shrugs off your compliment, “i’m just that good” she brags.

you nervously sit on the edge of your bed in the shared dorm, as ellie and dina already made their way to some party

two sharp knocks on your door echo through the room and you quickly sit up and make your way over to the door, adjusting your purse on your shoulder and you turn the knob.

the door swings open, revealing the muscular blonde in front of you.

“wow.” she breaths out

reblog to help support your fav writers! 🫧

[ticklishthoughts1]

Story? Kinda?

All y’all need to know is this was inspired by the same person that inspired “banter” 🙏🏾

Enjoy fr

So, cutie

Usually, if I’m going to get your tummy, and it’s a *baaaad* spot, I won’t actually start there unless specifically asked-I’ll get your sides, or your ribs, or your thighs, just because you need to giggle for me right the fuck now you’re so cute-and then, I’ll hover a hand over your belly, and mutter “I’m gonna get you~ the tickle monster’s gonna get your tummy, sweetheart!~”. What? I like watching you squirm around at the teasing-it’s almost as if you’re being gotten before I get you. It probably doesn’t help that my fingers are slowly wiggling without actually touching you yet-which of course earns a: “I’m NOT even touching you, cutie!”. And I’m not! Oops-now I am~.

It was just one finger, the pointer finger, swiping across the tummy, really fast. The sound you make makes me smirk, and chuckle off instinct. God your laugh is so CUTE! I want more of that. Easy problem easy solution! I swipe again, with 2 fingers. 3. 4. Then I look you in the eyes, and say as genuinely as possible “You have a beautiful laugh, you know that? Laugh for me, tickle toy =]”. And the hand descends. At first I just spider tickle all over, like each individual finger was a dancer, jumping and sliding of its own accord, moving my hand in a small circle to get your ENTIRE belly, from right below the ribcage, to right above the Hip bone. Then, I just place my hand flat on your ticklish little tummy-because WOW this tummy is ticklish~, and start squeezing ever so lightly, incessantly, maddeningly soft, yet firm, and very tickly. Then, I raise my hand slightly, and instead of tracing, I tap softly over your waist line, your giggle button, and your belly in general. I make little “claws” with my hands, and squeeze at random parts of the tummy. I even do something a bit unorthodox in tickling terms-I turn my hand around, and use the back of it, tracing my fingertips around and around. This is because my nails are very short, so I can properly tickle you with them if I do this. Once THAT fun process is over…I do the same thing, with the other hand, except in reverse! I retrace my steps best I can, wrecking all the same spots in the same ways, in reverse order as I had just done. When THATS done, I begin wrecking you with both hands. Now make no mistake, I’m a playful man, and chances are this entire time I had been vocally teasing the hell out of you! Some form of ‘Tickle tickle’ or ‘Kitchy Kitchy coooo~’ or even ‘is it bad right here? Right here? Right on your belly?~’ thinking of how you would react to that is making me chuckle even as I write these words. You’re so fucking cute. No seriously, your smile, the way you get flustered, Your-wait I’m getting sidetracked lmao. Point is, I had been teasing you vocally the whole time, but now, with both hands? I would be silent. Content to watch you squirm and squeal under my tickling fingers for eternity. Though, if my mouth isn’t in use making noise, I might as well nom at this tummy, hmm? Maybe a side of raspberries for the tickle monster’s meal. Yeah that sounds good-and from the look on your face right now, you agree cutie!~ maybe I’ll break the vow of silence to make playful hungry tickle monster noises, Or maybe I’ll want your sweet lee sounds to be the only thing filling my ears. Either way, I’m gonna make sure you have fun. I’m gonna tickle all the bad stuff in the world away, okay? Relax, ticklish-you can just chill here. Nothing to worry about, in this space. Just you, me, and the hilariously flustering, electricifying feeling of your ticklish nerves being activated and played with again and again and again until you’re in tears from it. Most you have to worry about, is my voice, when I lean forward, smirking, locking eyes with you, and mutter:

“Kitchy Kitchy Cooo~”

[lfghughes]

Ok but like what about being besties with jack. And asking him to help you plan a surprise bday for Quinn. And helping you plan a cute little confession because you’ve have a crush on Quinn for years but never said anything and it just is super cute

a/n: i got a little too into this one and started to ramble oops

“So…” Jack started as you continued picking through party decorations at the story. “So what?” You asked, turning towards your best friend as you threw a bunch of things into the shopping cart that was already full of things. “Are you going to tell my brother tonight?” At his question, you raised a brow feigning confusion even though your heart started racing because you knew what Jack was asking.

“Oh don’t do that face. I’ve known you for how many years? I’m also not blind.” At his own words Jack stopped, batted his eyelashes at you and tucked a piece of invisible hair behind his ear “Of course Quinny, I can help you go on a food run.” Jack mocked your voice and all you could do was reach over and punch his shoulder. “Shut up, Jack.”

“Just admit you like my brother, I’m not going to be mad about it. Actually I would love it if you two would just admit you like each other and just kiss so I don’t have to see both of you flirt badly with each other.” Again you punched his shoulder. “Hey hey stop hitting me.” He held his hands up in surrender. “I don’t even know how to tell him.” You shrugged, your cheeks burning bright red at just the fact you were admitting it to Jack.

“Well you’re throwing this whole surprise party for him but let me help you set up something a little cute and…private.” You nodded your head at him, a little hesitant on what Jacks idea of cute was but he couldn’t do that horrible of a job. Or at least you hoped. You both finished up your shopping and when you got back to the lake house the two of you started setting everything up.

Somehow you two managed to pull off the whole surprise part with Quinns favorite people being there and he was very much surprised when he walked in to a house full of people. When things died down a little Quinn made his way over to you and Jack. “You two did a great job or well you did mostly because no way Jack could pull this off.” He teased his brother and at the same time Jack nudged you and coughed.

“You okay, Jack?” Quinn asked and you turned bright red at how awkward your best friend made things. “Uh yeah, everything is good but you know Quinn there’s actually another surprise for you outside, right?” Jack turned towards you and you nodded your head. Well looks like you were doing this one way or another because if you didn’t Jack surely would.

You led the way outside, showing Quinn the spot Jack had told you he had set things up and you were surprised by the cute blanket and pillow set up that Jack had put up. “This looks cozy.” Quinn said as he flopped down onto the pillows. “What’s going on?” He asked and you flopped down next to him, your stomach turning from being nervous. “Uhm…well it’s just. Okay. I’m just going to say it. I like you. Like really like you.” You spit out and Quinn looked stun.

“I…” This was it, he was going to reject you. “I really like you too.” He told you and it was like a wave of relief washed over you and at the same time he cautiously leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. The sweetness only lasted a second when suddenly a loud bang and a flash of bright lights happened behind you. “Hell yeah!!” You heard Jack shout. “Jack! I told you no fireworks!!” You yelled at him because he had made a joke earlier that if his brother said yes he would get a small set of fireworks to set off. “And since when do I listen to either of you?”

[mylovelies-docx]

Sorry, I Love You - Part 9

Oh wow, a new chapter? Who'd have thunk it.

My posting schedule is all off and I honestly don't know if I can get it back under control. I have no idea when I'll get time to sit down and write and when inspiration will strike, so I can't assure weekly updates. But I'll try my hardest to get this story out! I have future chapters written, it's just that I have no way of connecting them right now :/ Oops.

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: Ah shit, here we go again. Angst, arguments, jealousy

Word Count: 2,250

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5][Part 6][Part 7][Part 8]

Some moments are easier than others. Sometimes you feel like you’re not pining like a love-sick teenager enough to think that you can actually do this – you can actually be friends with the man you love.

But then there are moments like tonight.

A few weeks have passed since community get-together, and you and Bucky are the new kids in town. Everyone drops by to say hello, leave you with enough food to last the winter, and invite you both back to their homes for dinner. It’s all very sweet, and you would appreciate the hospitality in any other situation.

But the amount of mothers trying to marry their daughters off to Bucky is insane. 

Several have not-so-subtley seated Bucky next to daughters of marriageable age, while everyone else is silently discouraged from interrupting their conversations. It skeezes you out when the girls are barely out of their teens, but most of the girls are around your age or older. Morality-wise, that’s a whole lot more appropriate. Internal monologue-wise, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh doesn’t even begin to cover it. What you feel whenever he laughs at something they say, or looks at them with his intense blue eyes – it hurts. That’s how he used to look at you, once upon a time. Like his life wouldn’t be the same without you in it, like you’re one of the most important people in his world.

To be fair to Bucky, you probably read waaaay more into it than he ever meant. And you only ever really saw that look come out when you were straddling his waist and grinding hard on his cock, skin mottled with his teeth marks and wearing his metal hand as a necklace. 

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Anyway,

You’re usually placed next to older, widowed relatives, as most of the young men in the town have already settled down and popped out a few kids with their spouses except for Petre. Tessa foists the two of you together at every possible opportunity, hoping you’ll hit it off and decide to get married in the near future. 

Petre is nice, smart, cute, but not really your type. You’re convinced that you’ve only ever had one type and he’s off-limits. But Petre’s company is much more enjoyable than the sad, lonely older men they try to pair you with – it never feels great to be compared to someone’s long lost love – so you don’t mind having someone around your age to talk during these things.

Speaking of.

“It’s a nice night, yeah?” Petre comments. The night is warmer than expected, but you and Petre are still bundled up in your coats as you stroll through the dead copse of trees near the latest dinner party. The sun had set only minutes ago and the stars are making their presence known. There’s next to no light pollution in this area, so you always take the time to admire the night sky when you have the chance. 

You often take walks with Bucky up and down your street as a way to decompress after your shifts at the HYDRA facility. After the first week or so of being everyone’s errand-runner, they’ve slowly built up your workload to include calculations and deductions based on redacted data – it’s not as much information as you’d like, but it’s enough to build a foundational understanding of what the experiment was about.

You hum in agreement and continue walking. It’s about time to turn around and head back, but you can’t bring yourself to return only to watch Bucky flirt with the pretty girls that were also invited.  

“Is something the matter?” Petre asks you.

You startle out of your petty, jealous thoughts. “Hm? Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong,” you reply with a smile.

“It’s just that you seem very distracted tonight,” he responds.

With your hands in your pocket, the only thing you can do is shrug your shoulders. “Just tired, is all. It’s been a long week at the office.”

“Ah, I know the feeling,” Petre commiserates. 

All of the sudden, a wailing, piercing shriek ricochets between the tree trunks and reverberates in your ears. Tensing with adrenaline, you take two steps forward, ready to intervene in whatever events are unfolding in the darkness.

Before you get much further, Petre reaches out and takes hold of your elbow. Turning you around, he starts leading the way back. You try to tug your arm from his grip, but he holds firm.

“The cry of a vixen who is looking to mate. They’re rather vicious creatures this time of year, foxes. We don’t want to get in her way,” Petre deters.

“But…” you begin, looking back over your shoulders and watching for unexpected movement among the swaying branches. “It sounds so real.”

“Terrifying, really. I was just as concerned when they began, as well.” Petre gives you a tight smile and relaxes his grip slightly when you stop trying to pull away.

“What do you mean?” you question.

“What?” Petre’s eyes flash around quickly, looking through the woods that surround you.

“‘When they began’. What do you mean by that?”

“Ah,” Petre replies. “When mating season began.”

There’s no more discussion on the eerily accurate sound of a woman in distress. You can only trust that Petre would know the local fauna and their habits better than you, since you’ve never spent an extended period of time in areas such as this.

***

The neighbor’s house finally comes into view. A lone figure stands silhouetted against the porch as they lean against the railings, their arms braced against the banister and posture rigid. When you get closer, you realize that the figure is Bucky. 

You can’t see his face, but you can feel his eyes on you. And apparently Petre can as well.

“He doesn’t like me?” Petre asks.

“Why do you say that?” The question puzzles you because Bucky has no reason to dislike Petre. He’s been incredibly helpful so far, allowing you to ask as many questions as you want about himself and others and he doesn’t seem bothered by it at all. In fact, you feel as if you and Petre have become friends.

“It just seems like he’s never happy to see me.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that – James just has RBF,” you reply nonchalantly.

“RBF?” Petre replies.

You laugh as you and Petre climb the stairs, only now realizing that he still has a hand on your arm. You’d forgotten all about it, but you miss the slight warmth that permeated through your jacket when he removes his touch. You turn to look at him, but Petre is looking away, his hands now deep in his pockets. Turning your focus onto Bucky, you see him watching Petre, his eyes squinted.

A large smile returns to your face as you reach up and grab Bucky’s chin, squishing his cheeks and making his lips pucker from the pressure. “This –” you say triumphantly, “is an RBF.”

Bucky glares down at you and swats your hand away. You cackle at the perfect example of Resting Bitch Face™ in front of you, throwing your head back in joy. When you right your posture again, you can see a small smile on Bucky’s face as he laughs along with you.

“Whatever,” he murmurs. He shakes his head in exasperation before circling his arm around your shoulders. Bucky begins dragging you back down the steps you had just ascended and you grunt in protest. “It’s time to go,” he says simply.

“Ugh, you’re so rude,” you say to him. Craning your neck as much as possible, you look back towards Petre who remains on the porch. “I’ll see you later!” you call backwards with a wave. Petre raises a hand in return, face hidden in shadow as Bucky’s had been.

Focusing back on the road in front of you, you can practically feel what little mirth Bucky had drains away. Looking up, you notice that his jaw is clenched and a hard look has entered his eye.

“What’s wrong?” Now you’re worried that something happened to Bucky while you were gone that has put him in a bad mood. Did someone say something to him? Did one of the women reject his advances? You can’t see who in their right mind would turn him down, but not everyone feels the same way about him as you do. But if it’s the latter, the guilt you feel only slightly outweighs the relief.

“You don’t think you’re spendin’ too much time with him?” Bucky says between clenched teeth.

A frown appears between your eyebrows as you continue to look up at him. “No?” you respond. “He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Ofcoursehedoesn’t,” Bucky mutters under his breath, but you can still hear him.

You slide out from under Bucky’s hold, his agitation sparking flames of your own. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You don’t think you’re leadin’ him on a bit, Y/N?” Bucky asks you.

You scoff. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“You’re always hangin’ around him!” Bucky quips back. “You’re flirting with him and walking out of parties together. All these people, Petre included, are going to think you’re pitching for an engagement.”

The hurt and pitiful feelings from earlier tonight come flooding back. Only this time, instead of feeling them for what they are, you combine them with the anger his comment brings. How dare he accuse you of leading Petre on? As if he isn’t doing the same thing to all those girls?!

“And what about you?!” you yell, the last word ripping its way between your lips and setting your tongue ablaze. “You don’t think you’re stringing all these girls along behind you? You don’t have any intention of getting into a relationship with any of them, either, do you?” 

As the words escape, you remember how Bucky sat you down and asked for a friends-with-benefits situation. Said he wasn’t ready for a real relationship, but tired of one night stands. How the two of you could help each other out since you weren’t seeing anyone either. The old resentment towards yourself and how you let yourself fall for someone wholly unavailable whiplashes back into your mind after months of repressing it. 

If he could ask that of you, does that mean he’s asked someone else? You usually arrive home later than him, but on some occasions that you are released early, he’s not there. Instead of asking where he’s been, you had just let it slide since it could have been construed as possessiveness. Like your feelings – that Bucky believes to be long gone – entitle you to his life. You hadn’t wanted to risk anything at the time, but now your mind can’t help running wild at the possibilities.

“It’s not like I’m screwing his brains out every time we’re gone!” You shout at Bucky. You had been walking down the road away from the house party which was on a street with few homes, so there’s nobody around to hear your fight. “We’re not in the bathrooms having quickies, he’s not fucking me against a wall, or bending me over his motorcycle! He hasn’t proposed we fuck around with each other until someone better comes along!” 

Your chest heaves with the effort of expelling these vicious words from deep within your heart, and you can feel a burning beginning to creep behind your eyes. You hate getting angry – hate that any strong emotion makes your eyes well with tears and makes you look weak. And in this situation, you are weak – weak against Bucky, weak against yourself, weak against the knowledge that the one man you’ve ever loved never felt the same way and never will. Your inability to keep yourself from falling for someone you knew you could never have? Your jealousy that he is probably sleeping with one or more of the women in town? That makes you weak. 

And you can’t stand to be weak in front of Bucky again.

“Newsflash, Buck: I know how it feels to be lead on by you and it fucking sucks!” You lower your voice slightly and take another step away from him. “I know that wasn’t your intention, and I didn’t feel that way at first, but that’s how I feel now.”

“You were my best friend, Y/N – I didn’t want to lose that!” Bucky exclaims. “And I genuinely thought we were on the same page!” He takes a deep breath and clasps his hands over his eyes before saying, “And seeing you run off with Petre all the time just reminds me of us – how we’d always sneak away to get some time alone. It’s just –” He drops his hands and sighs heavily, looking up at the star-studded sky and then back down to you. “I’m jealous.”

“You’re jealous?” You ask incredulously. “Why?”

“Because –” You can tell that he’s struggling to get this out, and if he hadn’t started this argument and accused you of wronging Petre, you might have been more receptive to what he’s saying. More understanding. But right now, your anger swallows all empathy and hope that his words would usually supply. “Because that could have been us,” he breathes. Bucky takes a tentative step in your direction, but freezes solid at the icy glare you send his way.

“No,” you say flatly, “No, it couldn’t have. You made that abundantly clear when I asked.”

You turn your back on him and start running, ignoring the sound of your name as you leave Bucky behind.

Part 10

Taglist: @jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewifeife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshinee @happinessinthebeingg @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283

[prettyinpwn]

Hi! I don't remember if anyone asked this, but do you have any headcanons about Shermie Pines?

Ah, see, this is the part where I totally self-promote share this wonderful, totally not owned by me ask blog reply: https://askthestans.tumblr.com/post/756343677567336448/hey-stan-can-you-tell-us-stories-about-your

But here's a full summary of my headcanons on the guy:

Older brother to Ford and Stan. I know the timeline's screwy with that baby in the background of ATOTS, but I personally just headcanon that that's some other baby and Shermie's not around in the house because he's off in the military.

I definitely picture him being in the Navy. I picture he's got sailor's tattoos. And actual cool ones, no offense to Ford.

I can't find the reference for the life of me, but I swear to God I once read from Hirsch (I think it was a tweet?) that Stan learned the "you cuddle up to a girl, knock her up, suddenly your life's fallin' apart" oddly specific joke in Little Gift Shop of Horrors from Filbrick. Going with my headcanon that Shermie's the older brother, that means he's the oops baby.

Because of that, and Filbrick's general suckage, Shermie struggled a lot with his dad like the Stans did. I think like Stan, he wasn't especially exceptional - or at least in a way that could make them money like Ford's brains - and Filbrick might have projected a whole "my life fell apart after I had Shermie" thing on the poor guy. So... I don't imagine Shermie got along real well with Filbrick. I also headcanon the large gap in years between Shermie and the Stans as Filbrick's hesitation to have more kids. I think Caryn would have wanted more, and eventually convinced him to have another (and whaddaya know, two for the price of one!), but Filbrick all over just gives me the vibe of a guy that never wanted to be a father, and Shermie knew that even as a kid, so he felt rather unwanted.

In terms of personality, I see Shermie as like... a straight laced golden retriever. Like a pure heart of gold "sees an old lady struggling to walk across the street and gets out and helps her" type guy. Being Mabel and Dipper's grandfather, I think he shares Mabel's optimism but Dipper's sense of right and wrong, which is what makes him a bit of a square (see the Ask the Stans post linked above). Even so, he's not outgoing like Mabel, he's introverted like Ford and Dipper. Like... people picture introverts as moody and quiet with dark thoughts, but when Shermie's quiet he just has happy fantasies like his granddaughter, Mabel (except replace hamster balls and hot boys with, idk... probably baseball or a movie he saw one time and loved).

I see him as a family pillar of support type guy, too. As the older brother in a poor family, I think a lot of responsibility was put on his shoulders. He definitely helped run the pawn shop (though Filbrick got irritated whenever he gave too generous of a discount), and made extra money on the side for his family with a side job. Going into the military was not his choice - given the era, it was probably a draft - and he sent his money home. Caryn probably did Tarot readings on him every night between his letters home hoping they always turned up positive.

He sent little letters home to Stan and Ford, too. He'd make Stan promise to protect Ford for him since he couldn't while he was out at sea, which is what inspired Stan to be such a protector. Then, he made Ford promise to help Stan with his homework like he used to, but once again, couldn't while in the Navy. And he'd tell them about his "epic ocean adventures" to gloss over the horrors of what he was actually going through, which I like to headcanon partially inspired their obsession with fixing up the Stan-O-War so they could have epic ocean adventures someday like their big brother. It wasn't until they were older that they realized, oh... yeah, he wasn't swashbuckling with pirate ghosts in the US Navy. :(

Physically, I think he's the one who looks the most like Caryn. Stan and Ford are like Filbrick short king copy+pastes, but I picture Shermie more tall and lanky like their mother, and has her aquiline nose. Coloring-wise, he's a Pines: brown hair and brown eyes. And sailor tattoos, can't forget those.

I feel like he had to be a pseudo father-figure to the Stans because of Filbrick. Filbrick wasn't the type to teach them how to ride a bike or play a sport, scare "monsters" out of their closet, bring them home for dinner from the beach, etc. Like he fulfilled more of the emotional role of a father to them that Filbrick couldn't.

With Stan, I think he played defense for the kid against Filbrick. I don't think Shermie would have directly gotten angry with Filbrick, especially given his golden retriever-ness and the era, but he defended Stan in little ways. Say Stan broke something, Shermie might have stepped in and tried to smooth things over before Filbrick could get angry. But boy oh boy, if he saw anyone else picking on Stan (or Ford, for that matter), better watch out. He might be a golden retriever, but he's still a Pines, so he's got that whole, "Mess with my family and I'll send you to the hospital." thing going on.

With Ford, I think Shermie was like Stan to him, protecting him and generally trying to make him not feel weird for his polydactyly and nerdiness. While on the surface I think Shermie and Stan might have bonded more because they had more shared surface level interests, I think Ford really looked up to Shermie, especially since Shermie was - as an introvert - the closest to Ford in personality in their family. Shermie wholly supported his love of weirdness, even if he didn't understand what the hell he was talking about half the time, and often would go along with him and Stan on monster hunts as kids just to make sure they got home safe, even if he had no interest in the paranormal himself.

As far as flaws, I can see him having inherited Filbrick's temper and absolutely hating himself for it. Like normally he's a sweet, happy-go-lucky guy, but when he blows up he feels like such an ass afterwards because it reminds himself of his father. His golden retriever personality might have been a way of him trying his best to form an identity far, FAR away from Filbrick, so when parts of Filbrick come out, he feels gross. The Stans look the most like Filbrick, but Shermie - for as nice and sweet as he is - inherited more of Filbrick's bad personality traits than they did.

When Stan got kicked out, Shermie was out at sea and their mother hadn't told him about it, feeling awful she'd let Filbrick just kick Stan out. So when he got home, he was like, "Where the hell is Stan?", and Caryn had to tell him. Shermie always blamed himself for not being there to play defense for Stan like he always had in the past, but at the same time, he was P I S S E D that Stan broke Ford's science fair project. And given that Caryn felt guilty and didn't want to speak against Filbrick and Ford's opinions, and Filbrick is a dick, and Ford was still freshly wounded from the whole fight and disappointment... well, he got a biased view of Stan. He felt so betrayed by Stan for decades for having "hurt" Ford and the family. I think this would explain why he wouldn't have gone to Stan's "funeral" later on. Cue him feeling like an asshole after the events of Gravity Falls and Stan and Ford and/or the niblings tell their grandfather what went down the last three decades.

Even so, I think he tried to find Stan afterwards in his drifter grifter years, but to no avail. Stan didn't want Shermie to find him and disappoint him, and all the evidence Shermie did find seemed to prove what Ford and Filbrick said about Stan, so... :(

He worked in the IRS for his career after the Navy. It made Stan barf when he found out. But Shermie just wanted a good old normal family life and a boring job after what he went through in the war.

As for the way he interacts with Dipper and Mabel, just... pure cuteness. Picture the most stereotypical sweethearted grandfather. Stan and Ford are like the cool old relatives, but Shermie is the big softie old relative. He buys Mabel craptons of arts and crafts and knitting supplies for birthdays and holidays, and he buys Dipper whatever paranormal stuff or video games he wants. He fully sees Dipper as like a little Ford and a lot like his own son (D&M's dad), but he loves Mabel too, of course.

If I think of any more, I'll be sure to add them to this post. :D

[loremaster]

BOBA AU - CHAPTER 1 EXTRAS

I had actually drawn a few more things than could fit within the 30-image-per-post limit. Here are the ones that didn't make the cut, with commentary!

(tw: mild animal abuse, n*zi mention, suggestive themes)

Zilch's animal companions. I named Carmina Burana and Tortellini, Gucci and Bosch were named by my friends - though Bosch was supposed to be called Hieronymus, it just didn't fit on the nametag lol

I wanted to illustrate some examples of Zilch casually mistreating/neglecting the animals but this was as far as I got. I don't think he would be a full on animal abuser, just... the type of person who likes having a bunch of pets to show off but doesn't really think about properly caring for them. He likes the aesthetics of animals much more than the logistics.

This was gonna be the chapter cover and I forgot. Oops.

This was just practice drawing the church characters from their sprites.

Zilch: I must say, it's an unexpected pleasure to run into another kindred spirit around here. I'm Zilch~

This scene was actually cut deliberately. I drew it before I decided exactly what the Nun's issue with Zilch would be and then once I did, I felt like it didn't fit anymore. Zilch is still excited to see someone else with ears and tail like him, but in the final version, he's a lot more derisive about it.

I imagine the Nun is, like, an actual animal-human hybrid whereas Zilch is a furry with a wallet that can afford bioengineered bodymods. (One day, my friends... one day...)

Zilch being flippant and Halara being dismissive/tsundere. Couldn't really find a place to put it but I still like the drawing - even if I did accidentally give Zilch human ears.

By the way, you might notice Zilch hasn't been wearing his cap. There are two reasons. One is to show off that his ears aren't actually connected to it. If I had the time to go back and redraw the prologue with him wearing it - so Halara's "holy fuck" reaction makes more sense here - I would. (Not really worth trying to fix though, not until the rest of the story is done.)

But the other reason is that upon looking closer at Zilch's original design, I thought it was a little too evocative of Nazi imagery and wasn't really comfortable with it. It's not really the same style of hat, sure, but combined with the swastikas in his eyes??? yeah no way is that not intentional. (I redesigned his eye symbols to be catlike slit pupils instead.)

I get he (or, the hitman, I guess) is supposed to be a villain, and a minor one, in the original game... but here I'm gonna flesh him out a bit more. So I guess in that sense the removal of the hat symbolizes his growth as a character beyond his terrible awful fascist upbringing lol (more on that in the Gumshoe Gabs soon)

If I were making this an actual game it would be fun to have Yuma get a fun little added gameplay element of using Zilch's Forte like he does with Halara's. He gets some little animal friends!!!

I imagined Zilch would ask to be carried, but Halara won't do it without getting paid an exorbitant amount. And then Zilch forks over the cash on the spot. Yuma screams internally. If he had that the whole time why were they even trying to negotiate over the coat???!? Why does he still have his own debt to pay if Zilch could just cover the whole thing up front????

Halara has to pretend not to be enthusiastic about this opportunity.

Shinigami is... there, I guess.

Martina my wife driving around her little parasite of a boyfriend. Ms Electro please call me

Was originally gonna have Seth say that out loud but then I remembered he doesn't want to lose his job. (It's okay, he loses it anyway.)

(Also yes this is pre-Vivia-DLC.)

And then the mystery is solved!

Zilch feels indebted to Halara for saving him from the Nail Man, and wants to follow their example, turn it around, treat his animals better... his act of goodwill here is extremely performative, though. But, hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere!

Ultimately I cut this scene after coming up with the cat bed idea. (Was very tempted to have Halara cruelly taking the coat from the boy, but just decided to skip it instead.)

So Zilch kinda idolizes Halara now... which is fine... but then the morning after he really lets his simp flag fly.

Congrats on your furry boyfriend, I guess?????

A doodle from the margins of this comic way back when.... which finally has a place to belong! \o/

Zilch's fursona. His "zursona," if you will.

Thanks again for reading! I love everyone's comments in the tags and I'm so glad you all like my version of Zilch especially. Excited to develop him some more in future chapters >:)

[kimberlyannharts]

Ultraman: Rising!

Sure we all know the Power Rangers reboot has been passed on at Netflix but instead we have this hot new piece of toku instead: Ultraman: Rising! And I finally got the chance to check it out last night.

I know Ultraman is one of the big toku/kaiju genre staples but it's never really been on my radar of things to watch. I'm not sure why! I guess Super Sentai/Power Rangers just has more of the it factor that appeals to me. So because of that I really have no context to the story besides it's a guy who can turn into a giant silver superhero that beats up kaiju.........or maybe it's an alien who looks like a human and the silver superhero is his true form? or maybe the human and the silver superhero are two separate beings that share the same body? idk. It's probably all three of those things depending on the series. But this film was marketed as a standalone that new fans could enjoy AND....the big one.....it's ANIMATED, so I felt more inclined to check it out.

And it was really really good!! I enjoyed it a lot!

Spoiler-ish thoughts on the film below:

= Let's get this out of the way: the biggest draw to this was the animation and art direction, and yeah, it slaps. The textures and stylization (always love 2D painted effect animation on explosions and things) and lighting were a full-course meal and the scenes where they focused on Ultraman's shining eyes staring through a window or computer screen were just SO striking. To the point where I feel that if I got around to watching the actual live-action Ultraman, it might feel a little underwhelming in comparison. Oops

= It does kind of fall in the cliches of the "selfish guy learns maturity by having to be a father" plot (with bonus "son is estranged from his dad and mom is missing but they work to improve their relationship" sprinkled in) which makes me appreciate The Return even more (sorry, I'm still Returnpilled) but it's still charming and I can hope if we get more movies they give a little more focus to Ami and Emiko (speaking of which, I know they weren't doing a romance this movie, but Ami having a daughter and the movie being about Ken raising a daughter? oh you know it's happening and I'm here for this because they're both so hot)

= I think Ken is also a better example of the "showboating egotistical hero who learns to mature" than most because the movie isn't afraid to show him vulnerable even before his character development. I was genuinely surprised at that scene where he starts crying out of the stress of balancing his baseball career and figuring out Emi

= Apparently there was some discussion that the movie didn't bring up Ultraman's origins which, as someone who knows next to nothing about Ultraman, that didn't really bother me? Obviously I can still give more benefit of the doubt than people who don't know much about the tokusatsu/kaiju genre to begin with, but even so, I was still pretty down with the concept of "this guy has the ability to turn into a giant silver superpowered man and passed the ability down to his son" - and I think in the age of superhero blockbusters in general the idea isn't that farfetched that it requires more explanation. In any case it's a bit of a moot point since future movies are clearly going to talk about Ultras and their origins more, based on the stinger.

= Is Emi a clear kid-appeal character meant to be shown off in marketing and merchandising because of how squishy and cute she is? Yes. Is she just so fucking squishy and cute and my newest baby child? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. I am not immune to monster baby. I think it helps that I always found the old monster screeches cute and applying them to a baby babbling was kinda genius in its execution. And I'm glad they kind of got the obligatory "haha babies poop and are smelly and gross" jokes out of the way early (yeah they had the whole "acid reflux" thing in the second act but I've seen way worse in other media)

= The subtitles calling Sato's Ultra form "Ultradad" and his Ultra mustache were both really funny

= Obviously I knew Ken wasn't going to die when he threw himself on Dr. Onda's mech (btw the mech was sexy) but I definitely expected a little more than just a busted arm with how they were building up how the blast would have "destroyed them all" kdjkfdj maybe they cut to after he had recovered a bit. Though in general I'm not quite sure of how durable Ultraman is

= Kind of a milf. reblog

[lea-andres]

Okay, so, if I could mod, which I can't for multitude of reasons (mainly "my computer is dying" and "I has the dumb"... Also "I cannot art") I would make a horror mod SO FAST-

"Lea SDV is supposed to be cosy, not scary" first of all *points at all the yandere mods*, second of all SCARY IS COSY TO ME-

*coughs* Anyway-

So, the framework would be as follows: On a random night in Fall (ideally a rainy night but idk if that's doable), your spouse would have a nightmare. You would then become the hero of said nightmare and solve whatever horror scenario is happening. With it being just a nightmare it wouldn't permanently alter your game so I COULD KILL WHOEVER AND DESTROY WHATEVER I WANT YAY!

It would work like a festival I suppose? No time actually passes? IDK if that makes sense but it does to me.

You would probably get hearts from this assuming you're not at 14 Hearts with them already even though you technically didn't actually do anything lmao. ✌️

Okay, so, each bachelor and bachelorette nightmare would go something like this maybe (AND REMEMBER: THESE ARE NIGHTMARES THEY ARE HAVING! CANON BEHAVIOR DO NOT APPLY):

-Harvey: OOPS HE INSPIRED THIS WHOLE IDEA LMAO. You know how he's got an... Alarming amount of dialogue regarding losing patient worries? Yeah... His nightmare would essentially be Frankenstein... Except Harvey's Victor. Which would just go SO POORLY... Let's all revel for a bit in how beautifully poorly that would go... 💕

-Maru: Maru makes the Blob, Blob destroys half the town. Pretty cut and dry, honestly. Just... Blob. 💕

-Penny: The children are being replaced during the night by doppelgangers. Wrong, unsettling doppelgangers. You and Penny investigate why, taking you into the sewers (IT WON'T BE KROBUS BEHIND IT, I PROMISE, I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO KROBIE 😭)

-Shane: SO, things are being destroyed in the night, sometimes animals turn up dead, town's getting freaked out, you're tasked with investigating because sorry you're the main character lmao. Turns out Shane's therapist is hypnotizing Shane and he's getting programmed to go do these things during the night YAY! Poor guy.

-Sebastian: Here, have this, we all know you want it! *tosses vampire Sebastian at you*. (I'm not particularly fond of Sebastian, in all honesty, but I'm sure vampire Sebastian would make his fans V Happy lmao. Yes, you'd get to let him drink from you, you freaks. /aff)

-Leah: ...Kel's a slasher now? (Sorry, I don't particularly care for Leah either, but hey. I assume you guys enjoyed punching Kel. You'll probably enjoy killing Kel in a brutal battle of self defense right?)

-Elliott: Ya'll seen Creepshow? (*Everyone starts groaning because I haven't shut up about Creepshow since the green rain*) Okay, there's a story where Leslie Neilsen (Naked Gun, Airplane, THAT Leslie Neilsen) drowns a couple in the ocean and their corpses break into his home to get revenge. It's that except Elliott didn't kill them. Because nightmare, you and Elliott are back in his cabin on the beach, bodies are coming out of the water, and quickly becoming yours and Willy's problem. (No Willy didn't kill them either. Probably.)

-Alex: He's on a gridball team, Coach is having him take some experimental drug so he plays gridball better, something something Werewolf. Let him and Dusty run around together lmao. Except oh no he accidentally spooks the town! :(

-Abigail: LOOK. It's me, I have to reference Evil Dead somewhere. Abigail seems like she'd be the most irresponsible if handed the Necronomicon, so she's getting the Necronomicon.

AND I HAVE NO IDEAS FOR EMILY, HALEY, AND SAM NOOOO. I FAILED THEM 😭 Pretend I have great thought out ideas for them, they deserve them.

[abeautylives]

a/n: This is a little different than my other works, Nic is my first original character but I couldn’t resist continuing their story. I’d say it’s necessary to read Something About You before you dive into this one!

pairing: Jakexfemale!OC

word count: 14.7k (oops)

summary: Bound together by family, pushed apart by stubborn resistance, what can he do to make her feel his love?

warnings: 18+ minors stay far away, language, drinking, mentions of sex, BIG ANGST, explicit sexual content, unprotected penetrative sex, oral (m. and f. receiving), fingering, edging, light choking, not fluffy but a lot of love, JOSH WEDDING

“I’m really no good at dancing, maybe I should just sit this one out.” She’s already tugging him toward a small dance floor, a distinct sway in her step that has his eyes drawn to the way it’s making her ass move.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do most of the work, handsome.”

Most of the work winds up consisting of pressing her body against his until he’s trying to hide his hard-on, but once her ass is pushed into his hips it’s game over.

Back leaned into his chest, she cranes her neck to whisper into the warm skin of his cheek, “You wanna take me home, pretty boy?” The way his hands are gripping her hip bones tells her everything she needs to know, that yes, he absolutely does but his reply tells her that he’s not ready to give her the upper hand.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Back in the booth, his hands find her body often, one creeping its way from her knee to her thigh before it’s tucked between them, the other reaching across himself to touch her arm or place fingertips to her jaw, turning her face to his.

Outside the bar, she pulls him in and he doesn't resist, lips finding each other in the dark as others try not to observe.

In his bedroom, he watches her eyes go wide once he’s bared to her but he’s sure that she is the most enticing thing held within these four walls, soft curves and a sharp tongue and all his for the night. He sucks a hiss through clenched teeth and a tight jaw when her fingers, small and delicate compared to his own, wrap themselves around him.

Into his ear, she’s whispering again. “You gonna fuck me, Jake?”

“You think you can handle me, babe?”

Her fingers release him to trail over the length of him, base to the tip, certainly not a short journey.

“I know I can, but can you handle me?”

Looking back, the correct answer was probably no. But it hadn’t stopped Jake from trying, for a while. Months, actually, until things went south between his brother and her best friend. She’d chosen sides, as she should have but even though Jake had chosen the same side, she had still deemed him guilty by association.

By the time Josh had come to terms and his senses, with Jake’s assistance, she had moved on. By the time Josh had invited him to a “family dinner” to meet Little Sam, Jake had moved on.

“Josh, it’s gonna be fine. Plus, I’m great with kids. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

His brother is frantically flitting between his living room and kitchen, watching the food on the stove and moving furniture fractions of an inch in an effort to make them “safer”.

“I’m not worried about you. This is my kid we’re talking about, I have to make sure he can’t get hurt.”

It’s still kind of strange, hearing Josh refer to himself as a dad, but Jake has no problem taking the credit for pushing him to that decision.

“He’s not a baby, he’s four years old. And I’m still pissed you didn’t let me come to his birthday party, by the way.” Sam had been introduced to the remaining Kiszka brothers via stories and photos, and Jake had even called to wish him a happy birthday, but the whole situation had still been new.

“Yeah, well, he was still getting used to having me around. We figured one Kiszka was plenty for the time being. And Nic was there…”

Nic. Nicole. Best friend to the love of Josh’s life, honorary aunt to his child. Jake’s one that got away. Sort of.

“I’m an adult, I can handle being in the same room as someone I used to hook up with.”

“Well thank god for that, because she’s coming over with them.”

Jake had been deep inside her, fingertips digging into her thighs, listening to her moan incoherent words from above him, her hips rolling in his lap when her phone rang. And rang, and kept ringing until she reached over him to grab it from her nightstand. He’d groaned when she slid off of him and climbed from his lap to sit on the edge of the bed, but he could hear the sobbing breaths coming from her phone before his started ringing from the floor, still in the front pocket of his discarded jeans. He’d left the room to make sense of his brother’s yelling before he too was crying over the line.

That morning hadn’t been the last time they spoke, but it was the last time they fucked. They had argued, mildly, on their counterparts’ behalf before Jake came to realize that he wasn’t fully landing on his brother’s side. He’d told Nic as much, tried to get her back in his bed, but when she started to ignore his calls he also realized that she’d never been his to claim.

“Great. Can’t wait. Stop moving that fucking table please.”

Josh’s nervous energy is crawling its way under Jake’s skin until he’s feeling the same way. What if Nic doesn’t want to see him, or worse, what if Sam doesn’t like him? Part of his worry dissolves as the little boy bounds through the front door and runs straight for Josh, yelling his name. Jake watches his twin crouch to Sam’s level and then scoop him off the ground and swing him around.

“I missed you bud! Hey, someone wants to meet you.” With Sam on his hip, Josh turns in Jake’s direction. “It’s Uncle Jake!”

Sam’s mom makes a strangled noise that she tries to cover with the back of her hand over her mouth. Uncle is not a word they had discussed, but there are matching wide grins on the faces of the men in front of her, one holding her child and the other reaching his arms out for him.

“Uncle Jake!” Sam is giggling wildly as he’s transferred onto Jake’s hip and Jake is tickling his side, laughing out Little Sam!

“Well that’s cute.” Nic’s voice cuts through the laughter as she stands back to observe, arms crossed over her chest. When Jake’s eyes land on hers, they’re already narrowed in his direction but there’s a small smile gracing her lips and it doesn’t look forced. He knows that if she’d let it stretch just a little further, let her teeth peek through, it would be beautiful.

“I’m not cute, I’m hamsom. Mommy? I’m hamsom right?”

“Yeah, me too. I’m not cute, I’m handsome.” Jake’s eyes are still watching Nic’s face closely, “Right Nicole?”

“Fishing for compliments now, Jake? Doesn’t seem like your style.”

Josh is quick to remove himself from whatever is about to occur between the two of them, taking Sam from Jake’s arms and telling him he’s got a surprise waiting in the living room, grabbing his girlfriend’s hand to pull her that direction.

“You may be right, but I seem to recall having received that particular compliment from you once or twice before. It’s okay to admit it, babe.”

“Don’t.” She sounds serious, so Jake swallows his next retort. “Look, it’s been like, almost a year. We can be friends, right?”

My twin brother has practically adopted your best friend’s kid as his own.

“Yeah, sure. Friends who’ve known each other biblically.” Did not mean to say that.

Her eyes roll hard but it only reminds him of watching them roll back from above her, her body being pushed closer and closer to his headboard.

“Grow up. I’m begging.”

“I like it when you beg.” God, shut up.

He can’t seem to help himself around her. It’s been so long since they’ve shared the same space, and it turns out that he can’t handle it as well as he’d told his brother that he could. He doesn’t try to call her back when she sighs and turns away from him to step toward the living room.

He does try to call her a few days later. And the day after that, and the day after that. When she finally answers, it’s not without a huff of frustration and a sharp what can I do for you, Jacob?

It’s an interesting question, what can she do for him? Why is he even calling?

“I’ve just been thinking about you.”

She laughs and the sound crawls into his ear, bounces around his brain and triggers a rush of dopamine, despite it not being particularly joyful. He can feel his lips set into a grim line when her laughter becomes boisterous at his expense.

“Why is that so funny, Nic?”

“Why is it so funny? Seriously? Tell the truth, Jake. What have you been thinking about?”

He considers honesty for a moment, considers telling her he wishes he’d spent more time getting to know her than he did getting her naked, but he tells her the truth she’s expecting instead.

“I’ve been thinking about that thing that you do with your tongue, when you-“

“I knew it. Isn't there anyone else you can call when you’re horny?”

Another interesting question. Of course there is, any number of women that would’ve answered the first time he called and probably been on their way before he even mentioned a need for a warm body wrapped around him. But…

“No one’s as good as you.”

“I know that, Kiszka. Ya know what? Sure. Be here in half an hour, before I change my mind.”

Forty-three minutes later, her legs are thrown over his shoulders and he’s inches away from tasting the arousal glistening on her skin. Her hips are already moving, seeking him out while he watches her writhe, her hands sunk into his hair trying to pull him in. Before they succeed, he murmurs up to her, his breath teasing over her cunt that’s begging for him.

“Hey Nic?”

“What.” He’s looking up the length of her body from the floor, laid out against her couch, her head thrown back and her arms flexing as her muscles work to draw him closer. When he doesn’t respond, her head snaps up to find him smirking between her legs.

“I missed you.”

“Please occupy your mouth before you say something else stupid.”

He lets her pull him in as her head falls back again, his tongue lapping over her core in broad, savoring swipes. It’s been a while since he’s had her like this, but he remembers that even though she likes sex a little rough, she likes this done soft and slow. She won’t admit it, but he’s always gotten the feeling that she likes to be treated delicately despite the tough girl shtick. The way she’s whimpering his name, lost in the way his tongue is rolling over her clit, tells him that he’s probably right.

Drawing her slowly toward release, he can feel when she’s close as her hips start to move in tandem with his mouth and he resists pulling away to ask her to let go, to cum for him, because he knows that she will. It won’t be for him though, it’ll be because she wants it and she’s going to have it.

When she reaches that peak, the tumble to the other side of it is as leisurely as the journey toward it, and the string of quiet words slipping from her lips no longer includes his name. Her grip in his hair loosens until she lets her hands fall to the cushions at her sides. He doesn’t stop moving his tongue and lips over her until she places a palm against his forehead and pushes him away.

“M’not done, gimme one more.” She yelps as he moves back in and sucks her clit past his lips. The second comes quickly and hits harder than the first, and this time she can’t keep his name from digging its way out from her throat. The desperate cry is like a fist to his chest, knocking the air from his lungs.

Rising from his knees, he stands and lifts her nearly limp body from the couch and into his arms. She doesn’t resist throwing her own around his neck and allowing him to carry her down the hall and into her bedroom, and when he lays her against the sheets and pushes her to flip to her stomach, she knows he wants her on her knees.

Instead of complying, she rolls back over and finds a look of confusion contorting his face.

“I’m feeling generous, Kiszka. Come kiss me.”

His eyebrows shoot up his forehead. She hadn’t allowed him to kiss her when he’d arrived, not on the lips but she’d let him drag his across her skin as he’d removed her clothes. He doesn’t question her reassessment now as the remainder of his own clothes hit the floor, and once he’s naked he’s quick to settle himself between her legs and press his lips to hers.

Her hands make their way from a light grip on his hips to splayed out at the top of his back, her palms making a slow journey to their destination as her mouth opens to him.

They’ve done this dance before and they both know why she’d extended the invitation, so when he reaches between their bodies to grip his cock and run the head of it through the slick moisture still leaking from her cunt, she sighs against his lips. He doesn’t break away to ask if she’s ready, if she’s sure, her body tells him everything he needs to know as he slips inside it.

Slip is not quite the word, he’s rocking his body into hers as he eases inside slowly.

“Jesus, Jake…”

He grunts in response, against the side of her neck as he sinks in to the hilt.

“We both know how well you can take it, babe.” He pulls his hips away in retreat before snapping them back into her. “So take it.”

A long, low moan pours past her lips, drawn out by his words and the quick rhythm he’s setting. Once he’s moving inside her, the urge to chase down his own end is consuming him. She’s tight, wet and hot and meeting his thrusts, pushing up to him from the mattress.

“Jake…”

The sound of his name causes him to falter mid-stroke but when he finds his stride again, there’s urgency and desperation driving his muscles.

“Jake…” She’s looking for a response but he can hardly hear her through the sound of blood rushing in his head. “Jake.”

“What baby?” His tone carries authority but the tremor in his voice and the wild look in his eyes as he lifts his chest from hers is very telling.

“Slow down.” She lifts a hand to push the hair away from his face, tucks it behind his ear and draws her fingertips down the side of his neck. “Slow down…”

“What?” She may have whispered it, and he may be confused by her command but he heard it clearly and his body obeys as her fingers travel over his collarbone.

“Are you about to cum?” One of her eyebrows is quirked up as if she’s actually asking, as if she doesn’t know the answer. His hips have slowed and every inch of him feels it when she clenches around him.

“Fuck, yes, I’m there I’m gonna-“

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t do it, Jakey. Not yet.”

He thinks to himself that she must be joking, he’s literally seconds away and she’s telling him not to, in that deep drawl she’d used on him the first time they met. His eyes are squeezed shut as his head drops forward and his hips slow to a stop.

“Good boy.” It elicits a soft whimper that he doesn’t allow to escape his mouth. “Now fuck me slow, make me cum again first.”

She hums against his lips when he lifts his head and presses them hard against hers, the hum turns into another soft moan as he rocks into her before propping himself up and breaking the kiss. Shifting onto his knees, he brings a hand under her jaw and squeezes until it drops open, his thumb pressed onto her tongue in a small display of what remains of his dominance. Unwilling to give up her own, she closes her lips and sucks, swirls her tongue over the pad of his finger before releasing it as a groan ripples from his throat.

Her back arches softly as soon as he touches her over sensitive skin and he’s silently praying that it means she’ll cum for him quickly, he’s already barely hanging on. Drawing light circles over her clit and moving his hips slowly, his bottom lip is tucked tight between his teeth when she starts murmuring below him.

“Just like that, you’re so good for me aren’t you?” She’s watching him closely, taking in the way his eyes are shut tight again and his breathing seems barely controlled. She lets her own eyes drift closed as he continues to do exactly what she’d demanded of him, fucking into her almost sweetly as he draws her closer and closer to a third orgasm.

“C’mon babe, cum for me please, I can’t-“

“Don’t you dare. I’m almost there, just keep going.”

Something akin to a strangled sob leaves his mouth but she starts to meet his thrusts again with her own and he can feel her body clamping down around him as he adds pressure to the swirls he’s painting between her legs.

He holds his breath when it breaks, when all of her muscles go taut and her back leaves the bed, and he keeps moving his thumb over her though he has to still his hips to stop himself from breaking with her. Aside from one soft call of his name, she lets it roll through her quietly and when she reopens her eyes, he’s motionless.

“Jake…” It’s a quiet call that he’s sure he can feel the vibration of through the thick air between them. His own eyes open and focus on her face, flushed and beautiful, and the breath he’s been holding rushes from his lungs. “Go ahead and let go for me.” Her lips turn up into a soft smile. He lowers himself over her and pulls a kiss from them before resting his forehead against hers.

Already peering over the ledge, he rocks his hips into her twice before he falls. He lets his body collapse onto hers, she runs her fingers through the dampened strands of hair at the base of his neck when his face tucks into hers. He trails a line of kisses over her shoulder before slipping himself from her cunt and rolling to lay beside her, one arm extended up to rest beneath his head.

They both stay silent for a while, listening to each other breathe into the otherwise still air. She breaks the silence first.

“Hey, Jake?”

“Hm?”

“I kinda missed you too.”

As time passed, it morphed into a here and there situation reminiscent of how it had begun. With no rules, no labels, nothing but a palpable need for one another. All appeared as the definition of casual, but as he’s been known to do, their shared nephew changed things.

“Uncle Jake?” The tiny voice calls up to him from the floor of his brother’s living room while a, quite frankly, weird cartoon plays on the tv.

From his place on the couch, Jake replies, “Yeah buddy?”

“Is Auntie Nic your girlfriend?”

Jake’s head shoots up from its reclined position against the cushion. “What? Who told you that?”

Sam is turned away from the tv now, eyeing his uncle with the type of curiosity only a five year old can express. “No one.”

Straightening to sit and lean forward, elbows resting on his knees, Jake initiates a staring contest with the little boy in front of him. His little face, so similar to his mother’s, gives nothing away. “Why are you asking?”

“Well is she?”

No. Not really. I mean, not at all. Maybe, if I asked her to be. Wait, why am I about to debate this with a preschooler?

“No, Auntie Nic is not my girlfriend.”

“Well how come I saw you kissing her? Like a buncha times.”

The question is innocent enough. He’s certainly kissed her a number of times, probably with the kid around but suddenly he feels like a kid, caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Ya know what Sam, that’s an excellent question but you should mind your own business. You’re worse than your dad. Watch your show.”

Sam simply shrugs his shoulders and turns back to the screen, but Jake finds that he can focus on its contents even less than before as his mind races.

Jake: What are you doing tonight?

Her reply is not immediate, but it rarely is.

Nic: hmmm that depends

Jake: On what?

Nic: oh a number of things, lover boy

Nic: but if you’re offering to buy me a drink and make me cum, then I’m free as a bird

He’s watching her flirt with the bartender, as she always does. Pretty sure that they’ve hooked up before, he tamps down the bubbling jealousy that’s warming his cheeks but she notices the pinkish hue.

“Something wrong, Jake?” She knows the answer but loves to see him squirm.

“Nah, but do you have to flirt with her in front of me? Don’t even have the decency to wait until I turn my back.”

“Is decent a word you would really use to describe me?” There’s laughter in her eyes as she smirks into her beer and sets it down on the bar.

He moves in, crowding her space and pushing her back against the wood, face close enough to hers that she can feel his words float across her lips. “Give it a rest, babe. I know you have it in you to be sweet to me.” He pauses to press a kiss to her cheek, another to her jaw before nudging the tip of her nose with his. “Be a good girl and stop giving fuck me eyes to your ex-girlfriend while I’m around.”

She likes it when he’s a little territorial, made clear by the way her pupils dilate and her hips move forward to push into his, but they truly never let one another maintain a grasp on the upper hand for too long. She leans closer and flicks the tip of her tongue over the hoop in his earlobe before whispering, “She was never my girlfriend. I don’t do girlfriends. Or boyfriends. I think you know that.” Pulling back to take in his expression, heavy eyelids paired with perfect lips slightly turned down at the corners, she finishes with a clipped “babe”.

Their time at the bar doesn’t last longer than two drinks. Her statement had felt like a challenge and he could feel his body’s objection to it crawling beneath the surface of his skin. In her apartment, with her body pressed between his own and the front door, he can feel that objection bleeding from his pores as it spills from his mouth on a ragged breath.

“You’re mine. Say it.”

Her reply is a soft whine as his tongue and lips play against the skin just behind her earlobe.

Whispering into it, he requests again, “Say you’re mine.”

“Jake…” The hesitation in her voice is apparent and it cuts through him like a knife. “I can’t.” Even as her words reject him, her mouth seeks his out and he lets it find him. With lips pushed together and fingers wrapped in one another’s tangled hair, his body objects again as he uses his grip to pull her face away.

Her cheeks are flushed and her chest is rising and falling with heavy breaths as his eyes search hers. She doesn’t push him away, doesn’t let her hands fall from their home in the hair at the back of his head.

“Nic…” Her eyes bounce around his features and he watches as half-lowered lids open wide at his next words. “I’m yours.” Her mouth opens and closes again as she offers nothing in return, but it doesn’t deter him. “I think… I’m in lo-“

She cuts him off, pulling him back in and coaxing his lips apart to slip her tongue over his. He knows she doesn’t want to hear what he wants to say, knows she doesn’t want to say what he wants to hear, so he drops it. For now. Mouths still connected, he bends enough to grip the backs of her thighs and lift her into his arms.

Neither speaks as he carries her to her room, they stay silent as he lowers her to stand in front of him, no words are needed or exchanged as they pull and push the clothing from each other’s bodies with not-so-subtle urgency. When she tugs him forward and spins him to lay across her bed, only to kiss her way down his body until she’s wrapping her lips around him, he replaces the words he wants to say with words of desperate encouragement.

She’s good, the best he’s ever had, really but a lot of it stems from the sheer amount of time they’ve spent just like this. Just as he’s become attuned with exactly what makes her toes curl and eyes roll back, she’s honed her skills to his preferences and right now his fist is wrapped tightly in her hair as she takes him to the back of her throat.

“Shit, just like that.” His hips flex upward, pushing his cock even deeper which only causes her to moan around him and his grip to tighten until he’s pulling her hair at the roots. The sharp sting of it has her lifting hooded eyes to his face, only to find he’s already watching her with a devilish smirk on his lips. “You’re beautiful like this, ya know.”

It draws a chuckle from her that ripples around him and breaks her rhythm.

“Keep going babe, wanna keep watching you.” The hand locked in her tresses moves her until she’s bobbing over him again. Neither of them have any desire for him to cum this way, her need to feel him inside her is dripping from between her legs as his own need is throbbing against her tongue, but when she can’t wait any longer she has to fight against his hold to pull off of him.

He sits up to tug her to the mattress but she doesn’t let herself land there, instead she crawls over him until she’s straddling his hips.

“Baby, let me make you cum.” He’s offering his mouth or fingers to get her off, but he makes no moves to slip her out of his lap as he watches his hands trail up her thighs to skim over her hips before running them up her ribcage. They land just below her breasts and he rubs the pads of his thumbs over the soft skin there. His eyes are pleading with her to let him, but she finally speaks up only to inform him that she has slightly different plans.

“You will, I want you inside, want you to cum with me.” Pushing him to lay back again, she slides herself over his dick, painfully hard and resting against his lower stomach, to emphasize the need she’s expressing. One of his hands falls from her torso to grip himself as she lifts to hover over him, the other finds purchase on her hip. A small, whimpered fuck falls from his lips as he lines himself up and finds her soaked and slick, and he watches as he slides through it before she sinks down around him. Hands braced against his chest, she doesn’t waste time allowing either of them to adjust to the feeling before she’s rocking against him.

He lets her set the pace at first and is surprised when she keeps her movements slow to start. She’s thrown her head back and he’s dragging his eyes down the expanse of her throat, considering the possibilities. Without thinking too hard about it, he reaches a hand up to wrap loosely around it. When her head snaps up and their eyes meet, his hold on her throat tightens just slightly but his grasp on her hip turns bruising.

“Jake…” His name pushes past the light restriction of his fingertips as her body picks up speed. He questions her with the quirk of an eyebrow. “Harder.”

“That’s my girl.” At her command, he squeezes a little tighter and uses his grip to pull her down to him. Her lips pucker and attempt to meet his, but he holds her just out of reach and revels in the confusion flitting across her face. “My girl. Say it.” Punctuated with a sharp thrust, it comes out as a demand.

Lost in the feeling of him and a little less coherent than she’d been while pressed against her front door, she nods her head and hums in response. It’s close to what he’s after and he pulls her in for the kiss she’d been searching for as a reward. Meeting the roll of her hips with his own thrusts from the bed, another particularly sharp one rips a long, low moan from her chest that he swallows when it passes from her lips to his. She squeals when he releases her neck to wrap an arm around her and switch their positions, a pleasant, bubbling giggle floats up to his ears as her back hits the mattress. The warmth of it spreads through his chest before her legs are wrapped around him with a heel digging into his ass, spurring him to fuck her harder. Her sweet laughter turns into gasping breaths and huffed curses that fill the air in the room, alongside the sound of damp skin against skin.

He doesn’t press her again for the words, satisfied enough with the way his name sounds tucked between raspy expletives as she forces them past his fingers that have wrapped themselves around her neck again. Every time he adds enough pressure to silence her, he feels her cunt squeeze him in response. Interesting.

Through gritted teeth he tells her to tap him if it’s too much. Her head nods enthusiastically but he loosens his hold. “Tell me you understand.”

“Yes, I understand, keep going…” Her own hand comes up to push his fingertips into her skin, her body reacts in kind.

“Fuck, good fucking girl…” He’s fucking into her with deep, steady strokes and she’s sucking him in, greedy and determined to take everything he’s got to give. Confident that she’ll stop him if she needs to, but praying that she won’t, he digs his fingers in until her mouth is hanging open on a silent gasp and her body is clamped around him.

Rivulets of sweat are running down the center of his chest, her own is coated in a thin sheen of it and he briefly wonders if it’ll always be like this. Messy and covetous, will he be chasing after something he can’t have, forever? Shaking the thought away, he drops his head to watch where he’s moving inside her then runs his gaze slowly up past her flexing stomach, watches her tits bounce every time his hips slam into the backs of her thighs. When his eyes land on her face, her lips are forming words he can’t hear.

She doesn’t signal for it but he loosens his grip, she drags air into her lungs until she can rasp out another request. “Don’t stop, cum with me please!” Her own hands are wrapped around his biceps, fingernails marking his skin but she pulls one away to slide it down her torso until her fingers are spread around him between her legs, collecting her own arousal to draw up and swirl over her clit.

The whine that slips out is cut off in her throat as he gives her what she asked for. He can feel the effect of it as every part of both of their bodies seems to tighten, he can feel them reaching a breaking point.

It happens simultaneously, which he’d been pretty sure wasn’t actually possible until this moment but just as he’s about to tell her he can’t hold on any longer, her back arches violently and he’s cumming just as hard. A feral growl rumbles from deep in his chest as his hand leaves her throat so that both can grab onto her hips, pulling her into him over and over. As soon as it can be freed, his name spills over from her lips like a torrent that she couldn’t stop if she tried.

Even as it washes away, she’s murmuring it as if she has no control and it calls him to quiet her with a kiss. Her murmurs turn to a whimper against him as he drops his body and rolls them over the mattress until she’s draped over him and trailing her lips over his cheek and across his jaw. With his dick softening and still tucked inside her, she nuzzles her nose against the crook of his neck and gets comfortable.

“Babe, that was-“

“Shhh…” The air rushes past her teeth and hits the damp skin of the side of his neck, where his pulse is still pounding. “I have something to say.”

She typically says whatever she wants without preface or warning, he doesn’t ask her to continue though his curiosity is piqued.

“I’m probably a little in love with you too.” A grin that he can’t help spreads wide across his face as she props herself up to look into his eyes. “It’s kind of embarrassing, don’t tell anyone.” Her own sort of soft, lopsided grin forms on her lips and he thinks that she’s even more beautiful like this than she is with his dick in her mouth. He doesn’t want to ruin whatever is happening in this moment, but he knows he’d regret it if he didn’t at least ask.

“Can I say it?”

Her eyes roll but her smile remains. Her shoulders lift just slightly in a hesitant shrug and her chin drops with a barely-there nod and his heart feels like it’s about to beat through the solid wall of his chest. With a hand lifted to cradle her jaw, he makes sure she can’t look away.

After a deep breath in through his nose and out past his lips, he says it confidently.

“I love you.” It feels good, even as she tries to laugh it off. “Be with me.”

Her laughter stops as the smile slips from her face. “Jake, I-“

“Don’t say you can’t, why can’t you? You already are… no, please don’t Nic.” She’s pulling away, shifting off of his lap and the bed and running to the bathroom before he can get a grip on any part of her to keep her there.

He waits, defeated and anxious for a few minutes but she doesn’t emerge. Dragging himself from her bed, he pads across the room and knocks softly at the bathroom door as he rests his forehead against it.

“Can I come in? Please?” A mumbled yeah, sure comes from the other side so he opens the door slowly to find her staring at herself in the mirror, hands braced against the counter. “Nic I’m sorry, I just thought, I don’t know, you just told me you love me too. I’m confused…” Standing in the doorway, afraid to somehow make things worse by moving closer, he watches her face in the mirror as her stare doesn’t move from her own eyes. Silence falls over the small space as he holds his breath and waits.

Finally, she turns her body to face him. He’s never seen her look so unsure of herself, her normal self-confidence has been wiped from her features and even her posture. “What if this doesn’t work, Jake?”

“It does, it’s been working for almost two years. What are you afraid of?” He takes a hesitant step into the room.

“It’s bigger than just us. What if we fail, and we have to spend the rest of our lives avoiding each other at family dinners and birthday parties and, and all the other bullshit. Your brother is going to marry my best friend, I know it. She is literally a sister to me. If this doesn’t work, we have to deal with that forever.”

Another slow step and a half brings him close enough to reach out to her. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her in, she allows it but doesn’t reciprocate. Whispering into the hair covering her ear, he pleads with her.

“We won’t know if we don’t try. Are you not even willing to try?” She pulls away, swiping shaky fingers under her eyes. “I love you-“

“No, stop saying that. Fuck, I should not have let you say that. I think maybe you should go.”

“You’re not serious.”

Her head is nodding as she places a palm on his chest to put distance between them. Tears slip down her cheeks as she backs away further.

The despair he’s feeling turns into a hot anger as she reaches for the towel hanging on the wall behind her and wraps it around her naked form, hiding herself from him.

“Don’t do this. I get it, if you need to think about this. I get it, I do. But you’re about to send me away and shut me out, I can feel it. Don’t fucking do this, Nic, please!” His voice raises until he’s yelling, until it breaks with a sadness that feels like it’s crushing him. She’s stoic, unmoving and unreactive. “Fuck!”

He runs his hands up through his hair, pushing it back before running them down over his face as he tries to regain control over his emotions. With eyes closed, he pulls a few grounding breaths into his lungs before opening them to look at her again. An arm is crossed over her chest, she’s successfully closed herself off but their eyes connect.

Broken already, he tries one more time. It sounds pathetic even to him. “Baby, please.”

There’s regret on her face but she simply shakes her head and sniffles, as if she has the right to be hurt by her own actions. “I’m sorry…”

Two words, small and quiet, hit him so squarely in the chest that he almost stumbles backwards. He keeps moving that direction, turning to leave the bathroom and slamming the door closed behind him, shutting her in as he pulls his clothes on. She hears the bedroom door close with a bang, followed by her front door.

He’s gone.

Jake: Hey

Jake: Josh told me not to bother. They both did actually. But I know you’re going to be at Sam’s party and since you haven’t answered ANY of my calls I just wanted to tell you that I’ll do this however you want to

Jake: If you want to ignore each other, fine. If you want to pretend nothing ever happened, fine but can you at least give me a heads up so I know what you expect of me

Two of Sam’s birthdays have passed since the day he walked out of her apartment. Jake had conveniently “fallen ill” the day of the sixth birthday party, which had been only a few weeks after their relationship that never was had ended.

He knew it would be like this. As soon as he’d made it into his car, after pounding his fists against the steering wheel and one primal yell fueled by hurt and frustration, he knew that they would suffer the exact consequences she claimed she wanted to avoid.

Their nephew turned seven a few days ago, and the party is tomorrow. A year has flown by without her, and Jake had never been more grateful for a grueling tour schedule that kept him busy and focused on the only thing that mattered to him before he knew her.

He’d called, many times in the first couple of months and then sporadically in moments of weakness in the following year. She never answered. He’s not expecting an answer now, but somehow he’s been able to evade her presence up until their inevitable reunion tomorrow and he has no idea how he’s supposed to behave or how he’s going to react.

Hours pass, and by the time he’s lying in bed he’s given up hope that she’ll respond. He almost misses it when the faint sound of his phone vibrating breaks his concentration on the words he’s reading. The book is tossed aside immediately as he stretches to grab the phone, her name gracing the screen.

Nic: hi

Nic: i can be normal if you can

That’s it? That can’t be it.

Jake: Define normal

Nic: just act like an adult jake

It’s vague but he supposes he understands, even if her first words to him in thirteen months only serve to piss him off. He locks the screen and throws the phone back to the side table where it bounces and falls to the floor. It stays there for the night.

The next day is filled with tight, close-lipped smiles and nervous glances from his twin, eyes begging him to keep his cool. Fate or something crueler eventually pushes them together as they find themselves alone in the kitchen. She’s there as he closes the refrigerator door and the beer he’s holding nearly slips from his hand.

“The fruit punch not strong enough for you?” Leaned against the counter of the island, she offers him a smile that fails to reach her eyes. He offers nothing in return. Her proximity and the lack of another human buffer sets him on edge, and a year’s worth of missing her tightens his throat. Be normal.

Clearing his throat of emotion, he opens his mouth to reply but stuns them both in the process. “I can’t do this.” Her eyes widen in surprise but he’s even shocked himself with the truth of it. He can’t do this, time hasn’t changed him, other women haven’t changed the way he feels. “I’m sorry.”

Rather than cause a scene over it, he steps away from her to leave through the back door and rejoin the party.

They don’t see each other again for months.

Josh had finally proposed, which of course pushed Jake and Nic into their obvious roles of best man and maid of honor. Once engaged, however, Josh and his future bride decided they couldn’t wait much longer to become man and wife and the impending wedding date was looming over Jake’s head.

For his brother’s sake, he had pushed his feelings aside to make it through an engagement party and a rehearsal, though almost everyone seemed to be irritated with him when he couldn’t bring himself to offer her an arm to loop hers through as they practiced their walk back down the aisle after the bride and groom. When they arrived to the dinner following, Josh pulled him aside as the others mingled and placed drink orders at the bar.

“I need you to get it together, please, for all of us.”

Jake sighs deeply and pushes his hair back, running his fingers through it slowly as he considers his words. “I know. I will. I’m sorry Josh, it’s just…” Another sigh escapes as he trails off.

“Just what? It’s literally thirty seconds as you walk down the aisle.”

“I’m afraid to touch her.” His voice is weak and his eyes are tired as he raises them to meet his brother’s. “What if I can’t let her go?”

Understanding softens Josh’s expression as he assesses the man in front of him. Jake has never told the tale, after all this time, and has only ever expressed that they had been sleeping together until one day, they weren’t. He had seemed more angry than upset and Josh figured that things had ended in some kind of screaming match, he’d seen their strong personalities cause them to butt heads before.

But now he can see clearly what his twin has been hiding from him. Pain.

“You love her.” Jake drops his chin to his chest and his eyes to the floor for a moment before nodding his head and shooting Josh a look that says yeah, unfortunately. “I don’t get it, what happened?”

“We don’t have time to get into this right now, let’s go-“

“No, I’m making time. Why aren’t you together?”

Jake stays silent and lets his eyes scan the room until they find her. With a drink in her hand, she’s laughing with his little brother and her best friend, a light in her eyes that he wishes he could bask in but he can’t even get close enough to feel its warmth.

“She was scared. That it wouldn’t work, and we’d end up exactly how we are now. Avoiding each other at every turn.”

Josh looks on as Jake takes this time to watch her while she’s unaware, he’s already formulating a plan, turning over the words that he plans to say to his future wife later tonight. This is fixable, he thinks, and he owes it to his twin to meddle in a way that only family can.

“I think this is going to be okay, Jake. I can feel it. But you have to make it through the ceremony tomorrow and for the love of god, just take her arm and walk down the aisle when it’s over.”

He did it. The ceremony went off without a hitch, a small outdoorsy affair, it was exactly what Jake would have imagined for his twin. Emotion was high and he found himself wishing Josh would’ve allowed him to wear his sunglasses like he’d wanted, especially when he met their mother’s eyes and found tears spilling over from them to roll down her cheeks that she dabbed at with a tissue. Would he ever experience this from a groom’s point of view? He’s not hopeful.

Panic rises in his chest as Josh kisses his bride and their son moves to stand by his side. They walk back down the aisle as a family, Sam’s hand in his left and his other clasped around his wife’s, Jake can’t see their faces but he’s sure they’re all wearing bright smiles. They’re happy. He’s happy for them.

He tears his eyes away from them to meet Nic’s, her own are misty but also swimming with nerves, he’s sure that she thinks he’s about to fuck this up somehow. Willing his feet to move, he takes the steps to meet her and extends his arm to her. Her eyebrows lift in surprise and he’s almost offended that she didn’t believe he could do this, as if he would do anything to ruin what had been a pretty perfect day so far. When she loops her arm through his, they fall in step with each other to move down the aisle. She speaks softly through the smile she’s wearing for the cameras and other guests.

“You look good in a suit, Kiszka.”

He feels it when his own smile, also put on for show, relaxes into something genuine. “I know I do.”

It makes her laugh, the sound of it makes his skin crawl but not in aversion. His entire being craves it, he needs to hear it every day for the rest of his life. “Heaven forbid you actually button your shirt though, huh?”

“That wouldn’t be very rock and roll of me, now would it?” She does it again, let’s a small chuckle slip from her lips and he wishes he could taste it.

Josh was right, thirty seconds or so and they’ve reached the end of the aisle, he should let her go as they keep walking to follow the couple and prepare for the countless photographs that need to be taken, but he had also been right. He can’t let her go.

Instead of pulling away from him though, she lifts her other hand to wrap it around the arm that hasn’t released her. What the fuck?

They do eventually separate, but not before the newly married couple sees the way they’ve remained attached outside of the performance required to complete the ceremony. Josh and his wife exchange a knowing glance.

With the groom’s side of the wedding party accustomed to dressing up and taking pictures, the session of photography goes as quickly as it can, but by the end of it Jake is itching for a drink. Knowing there’s still more of a show to put on before he can actually relax, he pulls out the flask that he’d tucked into the interior pocket of his suit jacket as they’re led to where they’re all meant to wait for their entrance to the reception.

“Care to share? What is it, whiskey?” Her voice floats to his ears from beside him and he glances in her direction as he takes a long pull of the burning liquid. He passes the flask to her as he sucks a hiss through his teeth after swallowing it. Their fingers touch as she takes it from him, the contact burns as well and the heat spreading through his chest is mirrored by the heat that travels up his arm.

He waits to speak until after she’s thrown her head back to take a shot, barely flinching as she swallows. Once again, he’s shocked by his own words. “You really can’t blame me for falling for you.”

“What?”

He keeps his tone casual, knowing now is not the time or place to start this conversation but not finding it within himself to care anymore. Even as the wedding planner is moving people around, getting them in position to enter the tent encompassing the party, he can’t stop himself.

“You shoot whiskey without so much as a grimace, you’re unapologetically yourself at all times, you look painfully beautiful in that dress and I know you’ll somehow be even more stunning when you take it off.” Her jaw has dropped slightly as he takes her arm and loops it through his again, they’re moments away from being led to their grand entrance before the bride and groom but he’s not finished.

“You’re kind of a pain in the ass and you’re so fucking good to the people you love.” He means that, he knows she would do anything for his now sister-in-law, his nephew, even his brother. “Everyone but me.”

Her eyes nearly bulge out of her head but at that second, they’re being pushed forward as they’re announced to the guests. He paints a wide smile onto his face and leads her through the center of the space as she shakes the shock away and replaces it with another smile for the cameras. The more reserved twin, he’s got nothing too entertaining planned for their introduction and he’s shaken her enough that she can only follow along as he leads her to her seat at the wedding party’s table. Before moving to his own, he leans in to whisper directly into her ear.

“We’ll finish that conversation later.”

Really, he’s not even sure that that’s true. She may never speak to him again, but he pushes it out of his mind to make it to his next drink. Fortunately, one is brought to him as he watches his brother sway through his first dance with his bride. He finishes it without even tasting its contents and sips from his flask through the bride and groom's thank yous until another is brought around before dinner.

Josh leans in to him as he starts to pick at the meal. “Don’t you think you should slow down on the whiskey there, Jake? You still have to give a speech.”

“I’m fine, I’m not gonna ruin your moment Josh.”

“It’s not my moment I’m worried about, but if you piss her off,” he jerks a thumb in the direction of his wife, “I’m gonna let her beat your ass.”

They share a laugh but Josh is dead serious and Jake knows it. He sips his fresh drink slowly and takes long swigs from his glass of water between bites of his food.

Nerves take over as he’s called to give his speech and he pulls his sunglasses from where they’ve been hiding in his pocket for most of the day. As he slips them onto his face he mouths a sorry down to his twin. The speech is short, sweet and heartfelt and the glasses serve their purpose to hide his eyes when they become glassy. He can’t bring himself to look at Nic as she delivers her own words about love and relationships, but unfortunately he can’t stop himself from hearing them. She may be speaking about the love shared between two different people but all he can hear is what could have been, what should have been theirs.

As soon as he’s able to, he excuses himself from the table to find a moment alone. Sure that he won’t be missed, he hides on the outskirts of the celebration until a few people make their way toward him lighting cigarettes as they walk. The perfect excuse to keep his distance for a little while longer, he asks if he can have one. Once it’s lit, he thanks them and moves away, wanting continued solitude for the next seven to ten minutes.

About three minutes in, as the nicotine is buzzing between his temples, the solitude is disrupted. His eyes are closed but he hears the footsteps approach, they open just as she tugs the cigarette from his lips to place it between her own and take a drag. He watches the smoke float to the darkened sky as she blows it upward and keeps the cigarette between her own fingers.

“You don’t smoke, Jake.”

“Neither do you, Nicole.”

Her expression is soft as she reprimands him. “I hate it when you call me that.”

“Yeah, that’s why I do it.”

She huffs out a quiet laugh before taking another drag and handing the cigarette back to him. Their fingers graze each other again as he takes it and this time he’s positive that she feels the sting of it, pulling her hand away quickly.

“You really do look lovely, I meant that.. earlier.”

Her head tilts to the side as she takes him in, but she can’t read his eyes behind the dark lenses. “Is there more that you wanna say, pretty boy? Now’s your chance, I need another drink and then I’m gonna dance my ass off for the rest of the night.” There’s a playfulness behind the smirk on her lips and dancing in her eyes, but he thinks her question was serious and requires an answer.

“There’s over a year’s worth of things I wanna say. I’m not sure you’re ready to hear them.” Tossing the butt to the ground, he stamps it out with the toe of his shoe and shoves his hands into his pants pockets, a feeble attempt to keep them off of her.

She tries her hand at surprising him with her reply. “There’s no time like the present.”

“Ha, you asked for it.” Thankful that he’d chosen a relatively secluded little spot to hide away in, he crowds her space until she’s backed into the trunk of a tree.

“Jake, what the f-“

“No, you wanted this and I do have some things to say to you.” He’s not touching her, won’t touch her until she wants him to, but one of his hands is braced against the tree just over her shoulder and only a few inches of space separates their bodies. His other hand comes up to slip the sunglasses from the bridge of his nose and he folds them and slides them back into his pocket. She doesn’t look away as his eyes bore into hers but her chin juts forward in defiance.

“Go ahead then.”

He takes a few breaths and hopes that any one of the thoughts racing through his brain will come out cohesively.

“I love you.” She flinches as if he’d pulled back to slap her. “I don’t care if that hurts. I’ve spent every second since I walked out of your fucking bathroom hurting. Months on the road didn’t take it away, fucking other people didn’t take it away. Every single one of them was you when I closed my eyes, but not one of them could compare.”

Her head nods slowly in understanding, wearing a brave mask that’s slipping as her eyes shine in the light that’s reaching them from the tent.

“I haven’t stopped being yours, not for a moment, probably since the night we met. How can you not see that?”

When her hands come up to slide over the bare skin of his chest and tuck themselves just under the edges of his shirt, he thinks she’s going to push him away again, his head drops in defeat. At least he tried.

“Look at me.”

When their eyes meet again, his are unbearably sad and her breath hitches as a single tear escapes and he lets it roll.

“Is it too late?” One hand slides up his chest, over the soft skin at the base of his neck until her fingers are nestled in his hair.

He sniffles and swipes his thumb over the track left behind by the tear he’d let slip. “For what, Nic?”

“For me to try for you.”

“Please don’t fuck with me right now.”

“Baby…” The soft pet name squeezes his heart, but does nothing to dispel the renewed fear of rejection. “I’ll probably never be able to tell you how sorry I am. And what would apologies even be worth, at this point? Can we… I don’t know, can we start over?”

His head is shaking as he grips her wrist to pull her hand from his hair, he grabs the other to remove that hand from his chest but once both of her hands are held tight in his, he tells her, “No.”

“No?”

“No. I can’t start over. I’m so fucking deep in love with you, I can’t start from the beginning. I want everything with you. I want what they have, I want more. If you can’t-“

She cuts him off with her lips, pushed against his so hard that it hurts as she rips her hands from his to throw her arms over his shoulders. He’s slow to react, unsure if this is real until his palms are running up the exposed skin of her back and a fist is wrapped in the loose curls that hang there. He presses her into the tree behind her with his hips as her mouth opens to him and he tastes the desperation on her tongue.

Mind reeling, he’s strongly considering fucking her here, against a tree while his brother’s wedding reception is in full swing not all that far away. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done it with the very real risk of getting caught and it’s pretty clear that her thoughts are similar as he feels one of her legs raise until it’s hitched over his hip.

As soon as his fingertips sink into the thigh that’s wrapped around him, a throat clears behind his back.

He pulls his face from hers, breaking the kiss and startling them both into awareness of their surroundings, but he doesn’t release his hold on her leg and he’s suddenly unsure if he’d imagined the sound or not.

“Ahem, umm, your presence is being missed over here guys. Both of you.”

Her thigh slips from his hip as she cranes her neck to see the elder Sam smirking behind the drink he’s sipping. Jake still doesn’t move away from her, not willing to let the moment end yet.

“Please tell me my little brother is not standing back there when I could be inside you right now, tell me I’m imagining that.”

Her laughter rings out into the night, loud and sincere and he finally feels whole again. “Nope, dear Samuel is definitely there and has ruined the mood. Unless you want him to watch.”

Taking half a step back, allowing her to smooth out her dress, he adjusts himself in his pants and huffs out, “Fuck no, he doesn’t get to see what’s mine.” Her head whips back up at the statement but he only grins mischievously. “You’re mine. Say it.”

She only thinks it over for a second before her smile stretches wide, blinding him with how bright it is. “Yeah, Kiszka. I am yours. Now come dance with me.” She grabs him by the hand to lead him past Sam before he can reply, he snatches the drink from his little brother’s hand as they pass and downs what remains in one gulp. Avoiding anyone who may have questions about where they’ve been, he discards the empty glass on a table as she tugs him directly onto the dance floor.

“You know, I’m really no good at dancing.”

“You know I’ll do most of the work, handsome.”

As the song he’d swear he’s never heard before in his life comes to an end, he lets her walk in front of him to the small bar and he’s only got a hope and a prayer that his friends and most of his family can’t tell that he’s rock hard. He keeps her close as they order their drinks and as they wait, he feels a familiar hand grab onto his shoulder. Turning his head without moving his body away from her, he finds Josh with what might be the stupidest looking grin he’s ever seen, nearly splitting his face in half.

“Joshua, how’s married life treating you?”

“Fucking fantastic. What’s going on here?” Never one for subtlety, he places his other hand on Nic’s shoulder. “I heard you two were about to defile each other under a tree. At my wedding? Animals!” He’s drunk and happy and Jake doesn’t have the heart to be annoyed with him.

“I wouldn’t trust your resources, Josh.” Nic is giggling as she tries to cover for them, Jake smiles at the sound of it.

“Ah, but I do trust them. And it looks like you trusted my instincts. Didn’t I tell you?” Before he can further elaborate, he’s being pulled away to fulfill some other duty required of the groom. The look of confusion on Jake’s face makes her eyes roll but she doesn’t seem disturbed by what his brother had said.

“What does that mean, what did he tell you?” She takes a long drink from the glass that���s been placed in front of her before answering.

“They’re quite a pair, those two. A formidable team. They ganged up on me last night after the rehearsal dinner.”

The rehearsal dinner. Where Jake had told his twin the truth and Josh had returned with a suspiciously confident “this is gonna be okay”.

“Ganged up on you how?” His stomach is already churning over whatever she’s about to tell him. She can see apprehension written plainly on his face.

“Your brother had some pretty… pointed questions for me regarding the way things had ended between us. Did you really not tell him anything?” He simply shakes his head in response. “He seemed sort of mad at me. He said he didn’t know that I had… hurt you.”

He lets his head fall back for a moment before lifting it to return his eyes to hers. “Okay. But the fact that I was hurt wasn’t a surprise to you. So what else did he say?”

“After I told him the short version of what had happened, I told him that I had been in love with you, and that scared me more than anything else.”

Staying silent, he lets had been run through his head until blood is rushing in his ears. Had been, had been, she had been but she’s not anymore.

“He told me I'd fucked up. And he asked me if I still had feelings for you.”

“And?”

“Will you dance with me?” The question comes out of left field and he watches with wide eyes as she chugs the rest of her drink and grabs his hand. Before he can object, he’s being pulled to the center of the dance floor and they’re quickly surrounded by couples wrapped up in each other as soft notes from a piano ring through the air.

Her arms loop behind his neck and she twirls a lock of hair around a finger as his hands come to rest at her hips.

“I’m not done with this conversation, Nic.”

“I love this song. Do you like Adele or is that like, too mainstream for an extremely cool rockstar like you?” The string lights over head are making her eyes sparkle as she continues to avoid his words.

“I do like her. Guilty pleasure, and all that.” The lyrics to this particular song would threaten to bring him to his knees right now if he dared to listen.

Their bodies sway softly as she smiles at his admission, and he can feel eyes on them but he’s not sure from which direction. “Nic, what did you say when he asked if you still had feelings for me?”

“I told him the truth of course. Am I not always brutally honest?”

He pulls her closer, hands moving around her waist and palms flat on her lower back. With his lips close to her ear, he’s sure that from the outside it looks like they’re having a sweet moment. “Stop doing that, tell me what you fucking said.” He feels her fingers tighten in his hair and her hips push forward into his.

Directly against the shell of his ear, she breathes the words. “I never stopped loving you.”

He lowers his lips to her shoulder and presses a soft kiss there before pulling back to look at her. The lights that had been sparkling in her eyes before are dancing off of the tears that are about to spill over. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know how to let you in. I still don’t know if I do, but I’d like to try.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Jake.”

“God, I love you too. Say it one more time.” His grin probably matches the incredibly idiotic one his twin was wearing just a few minutes ago at the bar, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about how he looks, he doesn’t care about anyone else under this tent, he truthfully doesn’t even care that this is someone else’s wedding. This is their moment.

Her own smile stretches slowly, his is wildly contagious and she’s positive she’s never felt anything like this before. “I love you.”

His hands slide up her back until they’re both tangled at the back of her head and he pulls her in to solidify this as a memory he will hold onto forever. Their lips meet softly, tentatively, as if it’s the first time. Melting into it, they continue to sway to the music as the rest of the world falls away. As the final notes slip through the space, he breaks the kiss just to press two more to her lips, another to her cheek and a final one to her forehead before he rests his own against it.

“Uncle Jake! Uncle Jake!” Little Sam is running toward them, though of course he’s not so little anymore. He’s definitely going to be taller than Josh. Jake doesn’t bother kneeling to his level as he slides to a stop, almost crashing into their legs.

Jake reaches a hand out to ruffle it through Sam’s hair, almost as long as his own, but Sam instantly takes offense and runs his own fingers through it to put the strands back into place.

“What’s up, dude?”

Sam looks them over quickly, takes in the way Jake’s other arm is still wrapped around his aunt. He reaches up to tug at Jake’s sleeve covering his bicep, waves him down as if he has a secret to tell. Jake obliges and leans down as Sam cups his hands around his mouth next to Jake’s ear.

“Is Aunt Nic your girlfriend now?”

Jake straightens as he laughs at the little boy’s question and his overall innocence. “Why don’t you ask her, bud.”

“Okayyyyy, Auntie Nic, are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?”

It’s her turn to laugh for the same reasons, and as she meets Jake’s gaze he’s got his eyebrows lifted as if he too is awaiting the answer.

She pretends to think about it, a hand brought up to cup her chin. “Umm, yeah. Yeah, we are. Is that cool?”

“Yeah! Are you gonna get married too?”

“Okay that’s enough questions, run along you little heathen! Where are your parents?” Jake takes him by the shoulders and turns him away, shooing him along to run back across the dance floor.

“Kids, am I right?” Her cheeks are a rosy pink and she’s still smiling as he takes her hand and pulls her off the dance floor in the opposite direction that he’d sent the kid off to. “Where are we going?”

“We’re leaving.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to leave this early, we’re like, part of the wedding.”

“Don’t care. We’re leaving.”

“Okay? My place or yours?”

“Mine. My bed is bigger, and I have plans for you. A lot of lost time to make up for.”

His words are rushing out of him as he tugs her along, they’re practically running as they reach one of the cars that are waiting specifically for the wedding party. He opens the door for her and she climbs inside without hesitation though she does have questions. “Jake, what’s the hurry?”

He pulls her in for a lingering kiss as soon as his ass hits the seat next to her and murmurs against her skin as he trails his lips over her jaw and they land on her shoulder. “I need to be inside you, need to hear you tell me you love me when I make you cum, I fucking need you.”

Breathless and hoping the driver is minding his own business, she whimpers confirmation that she needs him too. He offers his address over his shoulder and tells the guy to drive. He briefly wonders if it will always be like this, if he’ll ever actually believe that he’s lucky enough to have her, if he’ll ever get used to the feeling of being loved by her.

He hopes that it’ll always be like this.

It’s nearly impossible to keep his hands off of her but somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that if he takes it too far in this backseat, someone in his family will find out about it and he’ll never hear the end of it. She hasn’t bothered trying and her left hand has been roaming his lap since the car started moving. By the time they’re pulling into his driveway, his entire body is thrumming with impatience, his fingertips are tingling with it.

She exits first and he pats himself down, looking for his wallet. Fuck.

“Hey man, I left my wallet there, I don’t have any cash on me.”

“Sir, you’re actually not required to tip me. I was hired to drive you home.”

“Sure, but nobody’s paying you to hear.. um, what you heard. I'm sorry about that.”

The driver, clearly a professional, hardly bats an eye as his gaze meets Jake’s in the rear view mirror. “I’ve heard worse, sir. Have a good night.”

That’s good enough for him and he’s bounding out of the backseat and jogging up the driveway to meet her at his front door. “Babe, I left everything back there, we have to go in through the garage.”

They’re both giggling at the eagerness that had him completely forgetting his belongings, including his keys, but she reaches out to pull him in by the lapels of his jacket as they wait for the garage door to roll open. “Kiss me, you idiot.”

“Your idiot.” Their lips meet and hers open to him instantly, her tongue skating over the fullness of his bottom lip until his own slips out and against hers. Neither of them registers the silence right away as the garage door stops moving, and the material of her dress at her hips is being bunched into his fists as his fingers scramble to gather it until the cool night air is breezing over the skin of her thighs.

“Jake…” She pulls away to get his attention, but it’s been refocused on the skin at the base of her neck and his teeth graze over the spot. “Jake.”

He still doesn’t respond so she pushes him off of her and turns to walk into the garage. Dazed, he follows after her and watches as she slides the thin straps of her dress over her shoulders. As she reaches the door and enters the house, she’s shrugging her arms free of the fabric but the door slamming shut behind her stops her movements and nearly causes her to jump out of her skin. When she whips around to scold him, the look on his face steals her breath.

His eyes are dark, nearly black in the absence of light inside the house. His lips are ever so slightly parted but she watches as he presses them together before slipping the tip of his tongue over the bottom one then tucking it between his teeth.

“Please don’t take that dress off before you get upstairs. Let me do it.”

She nods in response and turns away again, he trails after her slowly, allows her to take her time when she pauses to brace herself against the wall and lift each foot to unfasten the straps of her shoes and kick them aside. He toes his own off and leaves them behind as she makes her way through the dark house, up the stairs and into his bedroom where she turns to face him as he crosses the threshold. She’s expecting him to take her into his arms, but he moves past her and clicks on the small lamp on one of the nightstands, illuminating them in a soft glow.

Confused when he sits on the edge of the bed, she moves to stand between his spread legs and his hands find her body immediately. Wrapped around her back, his arms pull her closer until he’s pressing kisses into the skin of her chest just above the neckline of her dress and she buries her fingers in his hair. Silently, he reaches up to finish what she’d started, finding the tiny zipper at the center of her back and tugging it down until the dress is hanging open down to the soft swell of her ass. He lifts his eyes to hers but lets them drop to follow the path of the material as it slips, revealing her breasts and then her stomach, until it slides past her hips and pools at her feet. Dragging his gaze back up, he takes in every freckle, every mark that he’d thought he’d be forced to forget about.

A little overwhelmed, he sucks a deep breath in through his nose and releases it from his mouth before looking up at her face. “I- God. I can’t believe you’re here right now.”

His hands are roaming over her bare skin, fingers tucked under the lace at her hips and he takes another shaky breath as he pushes her underwear down past her thighs and watches them land, circling her ankles.

“Jake?” She pets over his hair and tucks some behind his ear to coax his face back up. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. I didn’t think I’d ever be this good again.” Maintaining the eye contact, smiling up at her, he slips a hand between her thighs and finds her skin already slick. She hums at his touch and ends on a soft whimper as he runs two fingers through her arousal. “How are you so wet already, I haven’t even done anything?”

“Why does your dick get hard when all I’ve done is dance with you?”

It makes him laugh, a low chuckle that shakes his shoulders. “I don’t think that’s exactly the same thing.” Before she can offer a retort, his fingers between her legs push just barely past her entrance, tucked just inside her cunt. Her body reacts, hips pushing forward and fingers tightening their hold in his hair. “Want more?”

“Everything, I want everything.”

Slowly he pushes into her until his palm is pressed against her clit, her hips rock into it as his other hand reaches back to grip a handful of her ass, pulling her in until he can wrap his lips around one of her nipples. Tongue swirling over it, he lets her fuck herself gently on his fingers, considers pulling them out and skipping foreplay but the quiet sounds she’s letting out are making his dick throb in his pants. Popping off of her nipple, he grazes over it with his teeth to hear the little whine that he knows will follow.

“Baby?” God, that feels good. She hums in question before he curls his fingers forward, snatching a low moan from her throat. “Need to get my mouth on you, taste you. Please.”

“Whatever you want.”

He’s not greedy but he does like the sound of that. Slipping his fingers from her, he slides them up and flicks the tip of one over her clit, laughs when she yelps. Standing from the bed to wrap her in his arms, he whispers into her hair covering her ear, “All I want is you.”

The Nic that he knew before would have scoffed at that, probably made an exaggerated gagging noise, possibly even wrapped her hands around her throat for emphasis. But the woman pressing kisses into the side of his neck does none of those things as she shrugs his arms off of her and starts to push his jacket from his shoulders. It hits the edge of the mattress and slides to the floor as he scoops her up rather unceremoniously and tosses her onto the bed, where she props herself up on her elbows and plants her feet as laughter rings through the room.

Before he joins her there, he pops the two buttons holding his shirt closed and lets it fall to join her dress and his jacket. As he places his hand over the button at his waist, her eyes lock onto it. He watches her watching him as the button comes undone and the zipper comes down and her legs seem to fall open of their own accord. He rushes to push the pants and briefs off of his hips and step out of them.

She stops him with a hand placed on his shoulder as he scrambles to lay between her thighs. Unsure of what’s happening, he hovers over her and waits for an explanation.

“You look different.” Time has passed and it has changed him, just a little.

“I am different.” Physically, maybe. He hasn’t bothered to take much care of himself in the past year, but mentally he’s very different. “You look the same.” He comes to rest on his stomach, face inches away from what he needs so badly until he moves in and places a kiss directly to her heated skin. “Perfect.”

Wrapping his arms around her thighs on either side of his head, he finally, finally, gets a taste. It’s addictive and he’s been chasing this high for too long, he forgets for a moment that there’s a goal in mind as he opens his mouth over her and sucks her in, pressing his face into her cunt until he’s struggling to breathe. It doesn’t matter, he could die like this and it would be exactly how he’s meant to go. He wants to take it slow, just how she likes it but it’s just not going to be possible and when her hips buck against him and the tip of his nose catches her clit, her sharp gasp tells him that this is just fine.

He pulls away to take a breath and her thighs are already trembling in his grip as he lowers his face again and licks a long, broad stripe through her and sucks her clit past his lips. Rolling his tongue over it, a groan rumbles up from his chest as her hands sink into his hair and pull him in until she’s grinding against him.

She’s cursing and murmuring his name, when he opens his eyes to look up at her she’s already watching him. “Fuck. You’re beautiful like this, ya know. Ohhh…” Her attempt at cheekiness is disrupted as he flicks the tip of his tongue over her. Her back arches from the mattress when he does it again, so he keeps doing it. He does it until she’s writhing against his sheets, until her legs close around his head, until she’s telling him that she’s right there, gonna cum, don’t stop.

Just before she falls, right before it breaks, she lets it go. “I love you, I fucking love you- oh fuck.” He growls into her, that was better than he could’ve imagined. He needs that forever, and he plans to get it at least one more time tonight. His own hips are rocking into the bed beneath him, searching for any small amount of relief as he laps at her softly until her body relaxes. When her legs fall away from him, he’s quick to crawl over her and capture her mouth with his, slick with her release.

Their tongues swirl together and she groans at the taste of herself on him before he pulls back and rests his forehead on hers.

“I love you too. Let me show you.”

She nods her head and presents him with a soft, close-lipped smile that he thinks he’s maybe seen before, but he doesn’t remember it looking like that. As he leans back and reaches between them to run himself through her core, he takes a deep breath and tells her so.

“I was wrong.” He lines himself up with her. “You do look different.” He pushes in and drops his eyes to watch the head disappear into her body. “You look happy.” He pulls his hand away to wrap both of them around the small of her waist. “Are you happy?”

She breathes out as he pulls her onto him slowly, stretching her around him. “Are you, Jake?”

He sighs deeply as he sinks in and bottoms out. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”

A hand reaches out to wrap itself around the back of his neck and she pulls his body down to cover hers, nose to nose she tells him, “Me too.”

When their lips meet, he pulls his hips back and withdraws as slowly as he’d entered before delivering a deep stroke.

“Oh, shit Jake…”

“I know, I know,” He strokes into her again, again as he builds a fluid rhythm, “but you take it so well. So fucking perfect.”

She’s whining as he tucks his face into her neck and whispers more words of affirmation, her legs lift to wrap around him but she doesn’t press him for more, this is exactly what they both need. Something that they’ve never done. Not like this. They simply enjoy it for what it is as he brings the tips of his fingers to skim over her jaw and draws them down her throat and over her collarbone. She releases a content sigh when they dance over the curve of her breast and continue their journey down her ribs and past her stomach. When his palm slides over her hip and lands high on her outer thigh, he slips his hand underneath her body and holds tight to the softness of her ass.

He can’t help it when uses the leverage of his grip to pull her to him and thrusts sharply.

“Yes, again, do it again.”

Of course he does as she commands, and without realizing it he’s sped up his pace. They’re slipping against each other, mostly his fault as he seems to be running hotter than he ever has and nearly all of their skin is touching. He has to lift himself away, releasing her backside to prop himself up on his hands, allowing him to roll his body into his thrusts.

“Baby, I’m close, I’m sorry. I can’t-“ He pulls a deep breath in and blows it past his lips. “I can’t help it. You feel so fucking good.”

“Shh, don’t be sorry, cum with me.” She runs her hands over the sticky skin of his back.

Her words surprise him, she hasn’t given him any sign that she was close. He’s not discouraged by that, they’d been riding a steady wave of pleasure that just happened to start its break over him. She surprises him again when he feels her squeeze his cock.

“C’mon, fuck me a little.” There’s a cocky smirk on her face and he returns it as he starts to fuck into her with purpose. “Justlikethat,” it rushes from her lungs on one breath and she’s tightening around him, her fingernails digging into his skin.

The wave crashes so abruptly that he can’t even offer her a warning other than a grunted fuck as he spills over. Through the rush of it, he can feel her nails drag down his back and suddenly her body contorts as it bows and lifts from the bed and his new favorite phrase flows from her lips to his ears.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

The full, comprehensive relief that he feels in this moment is unreal. He’ll never forget it.

He resists dropping his body to hers as the wave slips away in retreat, instead he pulls his hips back slowly, wincing at the sensation. He intended to stretch out beside her but his release is already dripping from her and he watches gravity pull it toward the sheets until she reaches out to tug him down to the bed. Landing on his back, his chest is still heaving as she rolls into his side and runs her fingers through the slick sweat that’s pooling just below his sternum.

As he works to calm his breathing, she speaks.

“This feels good. It feels right.”

Covering her hand on his chest with his own, he grabs onto it and lifts it to his lips, kisses the tip of each finger. “Yeah… yeah it does.”

They fall back into comfortable silence, their hands intertwined and held over his heart. After a few minutes, she asks if he wants to take a shower with her.

“Mm, yes. But not yet.”

“You’re sticky.”

“Don’t care. We have time.” He kisses her hand again and shifts to roll to his side, propping his head up onto his fist to face her. The blush on her cheeks and chest is fading, her hair is disheveled and strands of it are stuck to the side of her neck. She’s beautiful. “We have all the time in the world. Forever, I hope.”

Her breath catches but she doesn’t push him away. She moves over him until his back is pressed to the mattress again, hands braced on either side of him, her face hovering over his, she nudges the tip of his nose with hers. “You think you can handle forever with me, pretty boy?”

He grabs her and pulls her in, rolls their bodies until he’s nestled between her legs and he’s looking down at her. Her eyebrows shoot up as she feels him getting hard again, pressed against her thigh.

“I know I can, but can you handle me?”

Taglist:

@lightmylove-gvf @spicedandicedtea @weneedsomehealing123 @milkgemini @why-ami-on-here @gretavanbitches @twistedmelodies @wildflowerxx-x @dannythedog @blissfulbellss @averagemisfit03 @dharmasdivine @thetroublegetssoloud71 @lucimoo @toxbexannouncedx @dig0930 @maddie-van-fleet @friska101-cg @welllauragvf @gretasimp @objectsinspvce @writingcold @gretavangroupie @gretasgoose @sweetybre

[scruffyssketchbook]

RAMBLES OF A VERY TIRED AUTHOR CHAN #I lost track bro

Kind of random post, sorry!!! Might delete later 😋 idk

I originally said here that this wasn’t a vent post but it might be one after all oops. (I’m sorry I’m an over-sharer and this is my ramble blog.)

(Trigger Warning- grooming? Pedo behavior?)

So I think I mentioned this here before (like years before, idk), but there is this guy who has been stalking me for forever now or whatever. Like, he’s basically the reason I don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t know on Discord and made it so only friends can message me, cause this man would pretend to be other people to talk to me. Anyways, on one of his MANY alts that he uses to send messages to me, he basically admitted to grooming me in the Pedo way when I was a minor!!! Fun 🥰🥰🥰🥰 (this is sarcasm)

But like, that literally explains SO MUCH OF THE THINGS IN SSEC, LIKE WHAT????

Like obviously I am not going in detail of the things that were in SSEC cause it makes me uncomfortable, but it does explain a lot of it, and seeing how afterwards I proceeded to get groomed by 2 other people back to back to BACK, LIKE. For one thing

I definitely feel like the tonal shift in the series was due to all of these events. Of course, I’m not going to get into every bad thing that happened to me due to being a naive girl making a stupid pokemon webcomic (sadly it’s a lot lol), but like, I didn’t even realize that I was groomed by multiple people until I was in my 20’s. (I mean, I am in my 20’s right now, but you know) and I literally was not aware that stalker man was being a pedo towards me when I was a minor until he admitted to me that he was being one- RECENTLY.

I do feel like how SSEC ultimately turned out was due to all of this. For the longest time, I was just surrounded by a lot of negativity. And, I kind of just kind of have the natural inclination to help people or be kind to people, and that ultimately just caused people to see that and use me over and over and over again, causing both the tonal shift in SSEC as well as me closing myself more and more off to people, which- really sucks honestly. (And only now I realize that that is literally the same thing that happened to Vay, wtf)

Like- I want friends. Nothing Romantic, no strings attached, no weird power dynamics, just PLATONIC friends. But I’m extremely shy and awkward, and ofc, extremely closed off ^^;;; So it’s pretty hard for that to happen, I guess.

But I suppose that is why I like/obsess about Box 31 so much.

Box 31 is basically just wish fulfillment for me.

Because, like. The only thing I’ve ever really wanted, the thing I have been looking for, for years, are friends. And, the whole story of box 31 are outcasts making friends, and supporting each other, and growing together, and that makes me very very happy.

Living vicariously through my characters!!! I want them to be happy, I want them to smile, I want others to smile too!!! I don’t want to keep drawing sad things, yeah I like drama, there will be drama in Box 31, but in ssec it’s just so endless. I always wanted the characters to be happy at the end, but where is that end if there is an endless sea of issues?

Idk. I just remember me being freshly 18, crying on the ground (cringe ik) to my way older roommate that I just wanted friends, and I wonder if things would have been better if someone just took my hand and became the friend I needed at the time instead of me becoming totally isolated and the stalker using that to get closer to me.

Idk 😋 as I said, might delete later 😋 just kinda a bit cringe lmao

I just wanna keep drawing my Stupid Silly Eeveelutions~ la la laa

Oh. Speaking of that actually.

[cloudmonarch43]

[ID in alt text, repeated below the cut]

My to-watch list is pretty short now and it's not especially satisfying to write about movies while trying not to say too much about what happens in them, plus I barely like Instagram anymore (where these posts are focused), so it'll probably at least be a while before there's another post like this. But never you think that I don't want to talk about movies!! (Oops, I never noticed I wrote the wrong year for Alien. It's right in the alt text because I typed it all first and then copied it down!)

Image 1:

Saw (2004) is a very silly movie that manages to stay enjoyable the whole way through. Aside from a few good bits, I didn't like Saw II (2005). There were too many characters, underdeveloped, so that even in context it just felt cruel to kill them off. I like engaging with the mechanisms of the games, and yeah the point of the games is violence, but the second movie felt like it didn't care about the game part. It made some good moves as a sequel, but the first one was a lot more fun.

Rather than telling me a story, Dirty Dancing (1987) felt like it was telling me about a story. I liked watching the dancing, and I liked the story that was being summarized, so I liked the movie, but it was strange how much of it just felt like information. Even though the plot was a bit convenient, the great variety of relationships made it feel like a genuine world.

The first time I watched I Saw the TV Glow (2024), I didn't know what I was in for; I kind of stumbled home in a daze of delight and sadness. Movies are such a capacious medium and I love it when that potential is actually used. It also feels good to watch something where the queer interpretation is not just a side effect yet it's still abstract and metaphorical.

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021) is a super effective movie about watching other people's videos. In reviews I saw, I thought people credited it with a lot that wasn't actually there—only a place was set, which the viewer automatically filled. It didn't resonate with me as much, but I think it's cool to be put through the same sort of process as the characters.

[pencil sketch for Dirty Dancing of Johnny and Baby dancing]

Image 2:

Pretty much everything I wrote in my journal about The Sixth Sense (1999) is using it as a comparison to clarify other things, so I don't know what to say about it on its own. I enjoyed watching it.

After that I rewatched some stuff.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) is great. It really lets you sink in, and there's a lot to sink into, both visually and conceptually.

Blade Runner (1982) seemed more self-contained and a lot easier to follow this time through. I liked it overall but it's so bleak. I guess it's supposed to make me think about what it means to be human but "either you're a cop or a little guy" is the undisputed thesis statement I heard.

The Thing (1982) remains one of my top favorite movies (which is a list I haven't written, but "I Saw the TV Glow" is on it too). I hadn't even remembered a solid half of the great special effects moments because there's just so many.

Alien (1979) didn't work out as well. I still think it's a good movie, but it turns out a lot of what I liked about it was the suspense that doesn't hold up when I know what's going to happen. I know people love to analyze this movie but it's just not catching me that way.

Challengers (2024) is all about three random people I don't have any reason to care about... plus I don't care about tennis. It's not really my kind of movie. That said, it's just about as satisfying as it could possibly be.

[pencil sketch for 2001: A Space Odyssey of an EVA pod]

Image 3:

Pulse (2001) is really sad. What if the loneliness was never ending! It's a high quality, coherent representation, and then it just exists and there's nothing you can do about it. (Also it definitely should have been called Circuit.)

I watched Happy Death Day (2017) because I love time loops a lot. It didn't give me more than that, but it was easy enough to sit through. I think it could've pushed its concepts further but at least it didn't fall apart.

Of course then I had to rewatch Groundhog Day (1993), which I'd mostly forgotten, and I was delighted to discover that this movie rocks. It's efficient, covering a lot of ground without feeling distant or dense, and it really felt convincing.

Nightcrawler (2014) is brutal, unforgiving, and a great movie. Lou isn't a defeatable villain; he's a concentration. This movie refuses to lie, and that feels good even though the things it's saying don't.

[pencil sketch for Pulse of Ryosuke kneeling next to Harue, who is hugging herself]

[rinbylin]

lzj ep 21

yeah i enjoyed the first quarter quite a bit but at the same time i've been quite aware it's not objectively tip-top. so indeed the weaknesses have reared its head in the recent few episodes where the story has transitioned into a different kind from its initial fake marriage premise which was not difficult to pull off if you understand the simple mechanisms of it.. otoh i just don't think they dealt with the transition very well, albeit the show still being watchable. then again, its faults are totally not unique to itself. they're extremely common romance drama storytelling problems. so if not for the fondness it had managed to earn earlier on, i would not have even bothered with this post

a thing from this episode that i like(!!) though: as 'better let the truth out and have cxz suffer NOW!!' lobbyist, i admit i failed to consider the other even more delicious possibility which is DENYING HIM THE CATHARSIS OF HONESTY. make him suffer in a whole other dimension yeahhhhh babyyyy. our girl lmt pretty much telling cxz she wants him to keep suffering from not being able to tell her the truth...I SUPPORT YOU QUEEN <3 剪不清理还乱 is a great direction to head into even though atp idk if writers are competent enough to see it through

then there was lmt literally acknowledging what i had on my mind for these couple of episodes: cxz doesn't actually love her - he only knew and love her as lmt the (amnesiac) wife. but as audience we also know the writers are trying to counter that by (1) showing us how ~sincere~ cxz's feelings for lmt are, citing that she has shown him the bliss of a simple life etc etc; (2) having him repeatedly state that lu wen (aka lmt) is his only worthy opponent so to say he and lmt (the real her, not the wife lmt) are intellectual matches. but the most fatal problem is that we have NOT! GOTTEN! TO SEE/UNDERSTAND! WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM AS COMPETING RIVALS!! so far it's merely cxz's side of the story, saying that he has a special feeling for "lu wen". but in what way? how? we know almost next to nothing about what went on between them as rivals - except lmt almost killed him a few years ago. (AND!! lmt hasn't seem to echo his feelings about their special relationship of rivalry??) so it makes point (2) quite an unconvincing case yet. which in turns make their post-amnesia and aka the "real" relationship quite frail.

another fatal issue is that it feels like, to me, that there's no love left in lmt for cxz at this point (the bathtub scene was what drove home the interpretation for me)... there's very minimal portrayal of any struggle, conflicting feelings in her. i think this is one of the way its earlier writing issues manifest as well: it's always quite clear why lmt is so important to cxz beyond their niceties as a married couple. but it's far less defined what cxz meant to lmt as a person. what value does cxz provide to her at a deeper intellectual and emotional level? when she was amnesiac wife lmt, she liked him for being a gentle, understanding guy - which turned out to be a mere persona of huaiyang wang. she stuck with him because he was her husband, but it turned out their marriage is just a ruse. so what is left? it's no wonder she seems to have little affection for him left yet that completely defeats the purpose of a romance drama... and i just don't feel the same joy i felt in earlier episodes whenever they're together at home..

i've come to feel the story would work a lot better if it wasn't a romcom (comedy as in a broad sense) and not tied to an obligation of HE. i don't even want them to end up together romantically. i just want them to get entangled and emotionally torment each other lol (oops sorry what's new of me). and so when the writers made cxz say that whole speech to his mother about how he truly loves lmt and how she has changed his life...and that he doesn't want just a "相见如宾" (ie. cordial) marriage. i felt almost betrayed because bitch (@ the writer / cxz) you owe it precisely to 相见如宾 that i even adored the show in the first place!!! it is thanks to 相见如宾 that your relationship even took off in the first place! in what way do you think its current state is different from it? this is a fake marriage story how dare you say that. :[ ...but again what's new. i've seen these problems from dramas a million times over by now.

one of the reasons why the earlier episodes worked - within the parameters of the fake marriage + identity porn tropes - is that it managed to have the reactions of both leads bounce off each other consistently. what i mean by that is...like in the earliest arc, despite cxz being the mastermind behind the bogus life lmt was living in, lmt was still able to display agency by reacting accordingly to the circumstances around her. she duly suspected cxz and was consequently driving the story - then cxz had to react accordingly and twist around more of the truth. there's a pretty nice push-and-pull between them - which is actually sorely missing ever since a few episodes ago when cxz was moping around coming up with solutions to keep lmt by his side. at that point, lmt totally takes a backseat in the narrative. and now that lmt has regained her memories, cxz is the one who is passively reacting to the occurrences in their relationship (though he's still taking the charge in the politicking plotting stuff). this is also what i meant about the writers dealing with the transition poorly.

these are pretty much the broad strokes of the main problems i'm identifying from the writing especially after ep 21... besides a few of the other pesky things like cxz's mum and yun'er's characters being completely flat stereotypes and are so extra annoying that they're fuelling the problems in the writing of the lead's relationship. (i have lost count the number of times i rolled my eyes when cxz's mum is onscreen... i think a mum character who appears loving but completely insensitive to her son is so interesting and they actually have a fucked up mother/son relationship but it looks like the writers are incapable of actually realising it so.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[roosterforme]

I just want to say that I support Anna and her choices specifically bc they're ones that I wouldn't make. Like I'm always so worried about hurting other people that I rarely express myself or find myself paralyzed by decisions bc I'm too scared to make the wrong one. It's nice to see someone make mistakes and as the audience know that everything is going to be okay. This is a romance and they're the two leads, don't stress so much and relish in the fact that you don't have to be a perfect human to still deserve or earn the love of an incredible guy.

Also it seems like so much of her life up until now has been completely smothered in another man, so if she's distanced herself to feel safe, good for her, she deserves to make choices for herself! And if she caves to her desires and has sex with a man that offers her true affection and care when she's been so starved of it, good for her! She may be married, but like fleeing across the country is a good starting place for her to try and get a divorce and protections from her ex when she's ready, it seems like right now she's still terrified and also completely financially insecure and therefore unable to go through with all of that. I for one, don't feel like blaming a woman who it seems has been significantly abused and mistreated for not making the perfect and ideal decisions when she's only just barely removed herself from a horrible situation. I don't see how so many people are eager to shame Anna for not prioritizing a man in her decisions when she's finally been able to get (through difficulty and uncertainty and self-exile) a shred of agency for herself, a consequence of being able to make your own choices is making the wrong ones and I'm sure once more is explained to him, sweet Bob isn't going to begrudge her that freedom either.

Bob is a grown and fictional man, he will be okay. Does it suck that having sex with Anna didn't magically erase all of her problems and lead to a fairytale wedding immediately? Kind of, yeah, obviously everyone wants them to be happy and in love, but atp that's not realistic, it wouldn't be healthy for her to give up her reservations on a relationship just bc that's what he wants from her either. Besides, the best you can expect to get from dick is an orgasm or two, irl you have to put in work in order to change and grow, the kinds of things that make for the compelling story that we're getting here (for free)

Anyways the way that Emily is writing this is a different take on the female lead than most, her other responses have brought up the interesting point that people don't criticize male characters for doing similar things with less justification for it. Don't complain about there not being more variety in romances just turn around and complain when the variety isn't actually what you wanted. It feels really similar to the hate that I see other creators get for making an OC or reader that's curvy or POC, like fic is escapism, why are you trying to impose the narrow constraints of femininity from the real world onto someone that has the chance to be free of all that? I hope all of these commenters will be more forgiving of their own mistakes than they are with Anna's

Oops, that was a whole essay, anyways love your work, have a good weekend!

Nonny. Say it a little louder, please: you don't have to be a perfect human to still deserve or earn the love of an incredible guy.

God, this is like the best nonny ask ever.

Anna is finally making choices for herself after many years. The next few chapters will really visit her past and show what happened and why it's ongoing.

But I don't even need to add anything else, because you covered so much of how I feel. Thank you for this. Thank you for taking the time to send this to me. I hope I'm not the only one who got something out of it.