#years after and i still think about this character

[tossawary]

This is a very niche fic idea that I have no solid intention of actually writing, but... "Naruto" has more than a few self-insert fics and some of them are transmigrations into canon characters. Some of them are about OCs who do not want to be a ninja and are desperately trying to get out of it. There's usually some deliciously frustrating tragedy and horror about the brutal and inescapable military system of Konoha.

So, I thought that it would be kind of interesting to do an OC-insert into Sasuke, probably ultimately more comedic than angsty, as the OC tries to fail out of having to become a ninja, but then has to struggle against the fact that a civilian Sasuke would probably be expected to start a new Uchiha clan ASAP. (They probably have to concede to at least becoming a genin for the benefits of legal adulthood of some kind at 12 years old, even if it means being a part of the damn military.)

But even if the OC would personally love to be a parent someday, they cannot condone participating in what's essentially a breeding program for a new generation of Sharingan-wielding super-soldiers. Children who are probably going to be chewed up and spat out by Konoha someday too.

I think it would be neat to have a character treat the Sharingan like a genetic disorder that they don't want a child to suffer. I think it would have been interesting if canon Sasuke had also wrestled with the idea of letting the Sharingan die out. Fuck it, he'll adopt if he wants to be a dad someday. I also think it would be funny to have an OC-insert whose goal is to get a secret vasectomy (body autonomy!) without the leadership of Konoha finding out.

Sasuke, as soon as Sakura becomes a medical nin: "I need you to do me a huge secret favor and NOT be weird about it."

Sakura, also still currently a teenager: "You're asking me to CASTRATE YOU, AT HOME, IN SECRET, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT BE WEIRD ABOUT THIS?!"

(And there's the whole fucking issue of the "Naruto" universe having cloning, so, no, a vasectomy isn't a solid guarantee of getting out of this. But it might buy Sasuke a few years to figure out how to avoid the mad science route too if anyone tries to force marriage on him at any point.)

Even throwing aside the issue of children, even in an AU where the OC-Insert is cool with having bio children, I think it would be really funny to have a Transmigrator Sasuke announcing outright in the first Team 7 meeting that his dream is to retire super early and become a shinobi tradwife to a super strong ninja.

Kakashi: "...What?"

Sasuke, possibly talking out of his ass to troll his team and because he's already spitefully exhausted: "I said what I said. I'm the only Uchiha left to pass on my clan's techniques, so my dream is to be a stay-at-home ninja, supported by a super strong spouse who can protect my family."

I think this would break Naruto and Sakura's brains. ("Marry Hokage Naruto" is not the worst plan that a transmigrator could come up with, probably.) I think that this would be a super funny start to a Team 7 OT3 in which Naruto and Sakura become rivals for the position of Sasuke's shinobi sugar daddy/mommy. (Naruto doesn't consciously realize that he's competing for Sasuke's hand in marriage at first, but he gets it after a few years or so.)

Kakashi is... So Tired. Obito, are you seeing this shit??? What the fuck.

I know some OC-insert / SI-insert into Sasuke fics exist, I just think the funniest plot direction for a transmigrator in this situation would be to completely bail on both the "take revenge on Itachi" and "rebuild the Uchiha clan" dreams in the least macho ways available.

Also, what WOULD Itachi think of Sasuke abruptly deciding to give up on revenge and to become a house husband instead?

[deliciousangelfestival]

The Malicious Daughter Is Back! - 4

Character : Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Summary: It's just a business marriage. Bucky thought it would be easy until he encountered the stepsister of his fiancée. She turned his world upside down.

Chap 1, Chap 2 , Chap 3 , Chap 4 , Chap 5 , Chap 6 ,-

Main Masterlist || Support : Ko-fi 🙏🏻

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

Bucky was speechless after you kissed his hand, even though it was through the leather gloves.

You let go of his hand. "Was that too much? Sorry, I’m just overwhelmed by the offer you gave."

“I take that as a yes?” Bucky asked, still processing.

“Well yeah, didn’t I seal it by kissing your hand? I thought it was clear.” You smiled, a hint of playfulness in your eyes.

Bucky chuckled softly. "That's a new way to accept an offer, but joke aside, I’m grateful you accepted."

You lowered your guard, leaning back slightly. "So what happens next? I have to say, I won’t do anything that makes me a homewrecker."

“Oh gosh, nothing like that,” Bucky reassured you, his tone earnest.

“That’s a relief.” You let out a breath, feeling more at ease.

Suddenly, Bucky's phone rang. He picked it up and saw the caller ID: "Victoria." He bit the inside of his cheek, not wanting to talk to her at this moment. However, he didn't want to ignore the call either, as his fiancée would quickly learn that he had no feelings for her.

He excused himself to answer the call. "Hello?"

"Hello, my fiancé. I apologize for bothering you, but I heard something that doesn't sit quite right with me. I heard that you are with my older sister?" Victoria asked, her voice calm and cheerful, though her perfectly manicured fingers were crumpling a few papers nervously on the other end.

Bucky felt like he had just been caught cheating. "I am. I have something to discuss with her because of what happened last night."

"Oh, I see. Alright, I won’t bother you. See you soon." Victoria ended the call, smirking as she looked at her phone. She knew Bucky's reputation—quiet and calm but ruthless if disrespected. She remembered how you embarrassed him last night and thought perhaps he was giving you a warning.

Victoria felt a tickle of satisfaction, believing Bucky understood her without her needing to lift a finger. She felt lucky to have him as her fiancé.

Bucky, not entirely sure what had just transpired, felt relieved that Victoria didn't seem suspicious and quickly ended the call.

He returned to you and saw you chatting with the waitress and his secretary. In seconds, you had already become close to new people.

Unlike you, Bucky’s circle of friends all had to undergo background checks before he could trust them.

"Let’s talk in the car. I’ll drop you off," Bucky suggested.

"Sure," you agreed, thinking this would save you transportation money.

Inside the luxurious car, you felt like you were being enveloped by the comfortable seat. Even if you worked for 20 years on your teacher’s salary, you wouldn’t be able to afford this car.

Bucky wore his reading glasses and read a document. He spoke to you without lifting his head. "Tomorrow, after your school is over, I’ll pick you up, and we'll meet my psychiatrist."

You raised your eyebrows in surprise.

Bucky explained, "He knows my condition, and I hope bringing you to meet him will help us find a solution." His voice sounded serious, a little desperate.

"Have you had this disorder since you were little?" you asked.

He flinched, his hand stopping mid-motion as he was about to flip the paper. "It started when I was 12 years old," Bucky replied, his voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability.

His expression turned grieving. You knew this was the moment to stop asking questions; after all, you’d just met him for the second time. There’s a limit to how personal you can get with someone you barely know.

🥀🥀🥀🥀

The car stopped in front of a small house. It looked old but cozy, especially the garden with its many flowers. Bucky wondered if it was you who took care of all the roses.

You rolled your eyes, "It was my grandma who has the green thumb."

Bucky glanced at the flowers. "Pretty. I’m grateful for your cooperation, but I hope none of this gets leaked to outsiders."

So he was giving you a warning. You made a gesture of zipping your lips. "My lips are sealed." Then you closed the car door and headed to your house.

After he saw you enter the house, he told his driver to start the car.

You watched the car drive away from behind the curtain.

"Is that your boyfriend, my Ophelia?" The cheerful voice of an older woman startled you. You jumped, turning to see your grandma, Cassandra, standing beside you.

She smiled at you, happiness evident in her eyes, but you couldn't share her joy. To your grandmother, you were her daughter, Ophelia, your mother, who had passed away years ago.

Life had been cruel to her, taking away her only daughter, her son-in-law ignored her, and her business at the same time, which took a significant toll on her. The final blow was dementia.

She didn’t remember you at all. At 70 years old, her mind had regressed to when she was 40. Because of the striking resemblance between you and your mother, she thought you were Ophelia.

You sighed and put on a smile for her. "No, he's just a friend."

Cassandra giggled. "Really? Your father will be jealous when he hears this. Uhuk... uhuk..." She started coughing. You bring her to sit on her chair.

Your heart clenched each time you heard your grandma cough. It was getting worse.

She needed surgery, but you didn't have the money.

Having a rich father like Jonathan was useless because you didn't have access to your money. The reason was clear: Genevieve and Victoria.

She really hated you and wanted you to starve to death.

You quickly put a blanket on Cassandra lap and turned on the air humidifier to help ease her cough.

As you added the eucalyptus and lemongrass essential oil into the humidifier, your eyes caught the family photo on the wall. It was a picture of your family—your dad, your mom, and your grandparents—standing in front of your childhood home. Everyone was gathered to celebrate your birthday. But now, it was all just a memory.

You clenched your fist, feeling a surge of determination. Soon, you would get what was supposed to be yours.

💋💋💋💋

The next day after school, you went with Bucky to see the psychiatrist. But before that, the school was in an uproar because of the clothes you were wearing. You, who always dressed like a vampire hunter in jeans, combat boots, a grey shirt, and a black jacket, were now wearing a casual outfit with a vintage aesthetic.

You wore a cream-colored blouse tucked into a high-waisted plaid skirt paired with brown loafers and a light brown blazer with elbow patches. Your hair was styled in soft waves, and you carried a small leather satchel. The change in your appearance left everyone talking.

Jimmy couldn’t believe you were the same teacher who always yelled at him. “Who are you?”

You replied with a smirk, “Your worst nightmare.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Despite your elegant outfit, you still commanded authority.

Bucky also noticed the change in your appearance. “You look different.”

You explained, “I don’t want your psychiatrist to think that I could be a bad influence on you.”

“Fair point,” he nodded in agreement.

After a while, both of you arrived at the destination, a fancy clinic. The receptionist, already accustomed to Bucky's appointments, greeted him warmly. “He’s waiting for you.”

Bucky led you to the room, which was bright and comfortable, conducive to a relaxed atmosphere. The walls were painted in calming colors and adorned with abstract art, and the furniture was modern yet inviting.

There was already someone sitting in the chair, holding a pen and a writing board. It was Dr. Javier, who had known Bucky for a long time.

Javier waited until both Bucky and you were seated. "You told me that you had a breakthrough. Is it her?" he inquired.

Bucky nodded, taking off his leather gloves and putting on a pulse oximeter on his finger. He then reached for your hand, and you placed yours in his.

Javier widened his eyes and adjusted his glasses. Bucky showed no signs of panic attacks, and his pulse appeared normal. "Wow. Incredible. How long has this been happening?" Javier asked.

Bucky replied, "Three days."

"After you touched her, you mentioned trying to shake somebody else's hand. Did the panic attacks suddenly reappear then?" Javier inquired further.

Bucky confirmed, "Yes."

Javier wondered what made you so special. Suddenly, he moved closer to you without warning.

You exclaimed, "What the-?"

“Interesting,” Javier nodded. “I can think of one reason: your body fragrance.”

You were taken aback. Did you really smell bad? You started sniffing your clothes. They were still new; you had only worn them three times, and they had been dry cleaned.

Then you remembered, “I am surrounded by buckets of sweat and cigarettes.”

Being around students who smoked and sweated a lot due to their frequent sports activities made you open all the classroom windows to get rid of the smell.

Bucky found it difficult to accept that his disorder could be triggered by your body odor.

Javier felt as though four eyes were judging him. He cleared his throat. “Ahem. Your case is one of a kind, Bucky. Perhaps her scent doesn’t trigger your trauma—” He didn’t continue when he felt someone glaring at him.

Trauma? Bucky’s trauma? You wondered what Javier meant.

Bucky crossed his arms and changed the subject. “So the solution to my disorder is the smell of a locker room?”

Javier raised both arms, trying to calm down his patient's anger. “I’m not saying it’s the solution, but it could be.”

Bucky sighed heavily. What kind of nonsense was this? But the way he met you was also out of the blue. His life is full of surprises now.

Author Note: Poor Cassandra. 🥺 Also the reader is a non-smoker.

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[myladysapphire]

My Lady Strong (VI)

Aemond had always been protective of his neice, obssessed even, insiting on keeping her sheltered, and purley his, he never let her stray far and following the incident at Driftmark, Aemma was rarley without Aemond as her shadow. How will the kind, sheltered girl fair in the dance of dragons?

word count: 3,100

CW: MDI 18+, toxic relationship, manipulation, mommy issues, bullying, co-dependancy issues, self harm, not beta read.

Fem!oc x dark!Aemond Targeryen

Masterlist | series masterlist | previous part | next part

disclamer:  i do not own any of claim any of the A song of ice and  fire characters, all rights belong to GRR MARTIN, all characters are his except for my OC

A/N sorry its been so long! forgot wehat direction i was going in with this story so going off the few notes i had left about this chapter! might be a few changes ive made from the last few chapters, but hopefully it all makes sense! but this story is gonna get dark and sad!

Aemma had been pacing back and forth for the last hour, nerves clear on her face as her mother and brothers were set to arrive in only a days time.  She hadn’t spoken to her in what had felt like forever, and she had no idea on what too expect. She thought that perhaps she might have done something but thinking back on the countless letters she had written, she could not think of a single thing she could have possibly said. Perhaps taking Aemond’s side at Driftmark, or perhaps refusing to leave his side after the fact. 

She had made her complaint to Aemond, the morning after they had reconnected, he had simply laughed, “oh Aemma, do you really think your mother cares about you? She happily sent you of to wed me the second it was suggested.” He said as he brushed her hair for her, having dismissed her ladies so they could break their fast. “if she cared about you she would have demanded I got to Dragonstone, not you here, she simply wished to be rid of you.”

Aemma looked down, she refused to believe it, her mother had always preached how she was her favourite child, then again, after Driftmark her mother did just send her away, she would have visited her more or asked her to visit if it was true. “Really?” she asked tears in her eyes.

“oh of course” he smirked, “but do not worry dear, soon enough you shall be my wife and she will no longer have to even act as if she cared for you, and you will not have to care for her either.”

She shook her head, and looked up at him, meeting his smirk in the mirror “do you think she loves me still?”

“no” he replied instantly.

A tear fell from her eye “do you love me?” she near begged.

Aemond’s smirk widened, his eyes twinkling, “of course” she turned her head, and he instantly gripped her chin, “and you love me, don’t you?”

“no” she replied. His grip tightened slightly, “I do not know what it is to love Aemond, but perhaps…once we get to know each other more.”

He frowned. “We have known each other our who lives”

“Yes, but these past years we have been distant, I know nothing of you”.

“And whose fault is that” he said stepping away, “was it not for that bastard I would still have my eye! And you would love me!”

She stood up, following him, “how does-“he stopped her, turning around quickly to face her.                     

“Because it does!” he almost whined, “you were mine! And then you were handed to me on a silver platter and yet all you have done is whine about your mother and your stupid brothers!” he took a breath, allowing her an opportunity to speak.

“I begged to stay with you Aemond, I defended you and –“

“And you begged them to stay also!” she looked at him, she had never told him of the conversation with her mother.

“How do you know that?” she asked bewildered. “and what does that have to do with anything?”

“everything!” after what they did to me, to YOU! And you wanted them to stay” he shook his head, “I went to find you, I needed you and you were begging your mother to stay? Do you think I could forgive you?”

“Aemond-“ she was crying now.

“these past years I have grow into the man I knew you wanted, not the silly little boy you grew up with, but the man you need, my mother has been nothing but a mother to you, and yet you still crave that whore and those bastards”

“I’m sorry Aemond. “she said, reaching for his hands, “your right, I am so sorry, I just wanted my muna, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She caressed his hand, “but I didn’t want too lose you or her and yet I lost you both!” she whined, “I needed you too!” she cried, wrapping her arms around his waist.

She needed him. Aemond smiled, “goo. because I am all you will ever and have ever needed.” He said holding her to him, “your mother is here in formality over, and at the end of the week she will be nothing to you, I will be your everything, your husband, your protector, your Aemond.”

“And let me remind you sweet Aemma, that without me you would remain Lady strong, a princesses bastard. And yet you betrayed me, begged for our tormentors to stay and if that had happened do you think I would have been able to devote these past five years to becoming your protector, to become the man you desired?”

She shook her head.

“They were cruel to you, hated you. All because your mother favoured you, do you think they will have changed?”

She shook her head again, and started to think back, growing up all she had ever wanted was to marry Aemond, and have him be her protector and never have to see Jace and Luke again.

She had thought that after Driftmark she would never get that Aemond, he had changed the second that eye was taken from him. He became cold and cruel and there was even whispers he was mad.

“but-“she started to speak, a part of her felt like he had turned into them.

He had tormented her for years and now he seemed to be perfect for her. It didn’t make sense.

“But what?” he asked, suddenly moving closer to her.

“you have been cruel, ignoring me then you started to torment me, sending me the heads of Aemma’s roses, as if you were threatening me.”

He shook his head, “I don’t know what your talking about”

“yes you do!”

“no Aemma, your confused, I sent you Aemma’s roses, to show I was thinking of you , and I never cut there heads of” he laughed, “and I only ignored you as I felt so hurt by what you did”

“i- but you cut of-“ she shook her head, “I-I I’m so confused, Aemond I- perhaps I should ask Cassandra, she has a better memory than me –“

“no Aemma, your just misremembering, you’ve always had trouble with remembering things” he said, “and do you not trust me?” he said sounding sad.

she shook her head, “of course not- I, just I thought you hated me for whatever reason and now I must have thought your acts were of torment and not …love” she said unsure.

“it okay Aemma, I know you struggle and I know you have always had difficulties with things” he said softly, “I was hurt and scared you would hate me too, I should have been more upfront, it is all my fault” he said, pulling her into a hug, “I know you are sorry, and I am too”/

He wasn’t, he loved the look on her face when she opened the box of cut of Aemma’s rose heads, loved the way she was scared, but he also realised years of ignoring her had made him seem untrustworthy, and he feared he made a mistake, he had a new strategy to play. At first he wantec her to be scared and run to him for help, but it seems her ladies and beloved Cassandra had gotten in the way of that plan, and made him the villain.

He supposed he had to get them out of the way.

Since that conversation, Aemond had made sure she did not leave his side.

Saying how he missed her dearly, and realising how much he needed her and pushing her away had hurt him more than it hurt her.

She had felt so badly for him, and before he knew it they were back to their old habits, were she went he went, she would even ask him too choose all her clothes, even serve her dinner.

She forgot how simple life was with Aemond, how happy and easy he made her life.

And Aemond was loving it, he loved getting to control every detail about her, she would dress how he liked, believing it her choice to let him pick, she would follow him everywhere, meaning he no longer had to follow her.

The only problem was that her ladies maids were still in the way. They ere there when she woke, and dressed, giving question stares as he would enter her rooms, whispering in her ear about things Aemma would never reveal.

He wasn’t jealous just angry.

He had been hurt all those years ago and ignored her because he wanted to be better. Become the best possible Aemond, become her protector and a man who would never again loose his eyes to is silly little nephews, and someone who would never let them hurt Aemma again.

And it was blatantly obvious that his ignoring of her head made her annoyingly close to her little friends.

He had hidden letters from her mother the first year, then they came less and less, before stopping altogether. He would allow a few of Aemma’s letters to be sent, not before reading them himself. He wanted her too feel isolated, but that had failed, and now it would be too suspicious for Aemma to receive the letters her mother had sent over the years, especially as he had read them all and hated the love his sister had for her daughter, hated that no matter how hard he wanted to hide it, her mothers return would only pull them apart once more.

So he realised the game of isolation needed to change and to get ride of the Ladies he must earn their trust, so he wooed them, by sitting in at their gatherings and showing undivided devotion to Aemma, there was still the issue of Cassandra Baratheon. She despised him, and he here. She was brash and loud, and Aemma’s best friend. 

He wasn’t jealous, no, not at all. Not jealous of the way she effortless laughed at her jokes or talked to her without having the perplexed and wanted to please look in her eyes that’s she did with him.

He watched the bitterly as they chatted the day away. She seemed to light up around Cassandra, and he hated it.

“Are you nervous about you mother and brothers return?” Cassandra asked, sipping her tea.

“yes, especially my mother” she sighed, stirring her tea “I did receive a letter from my brothers this morning” she reviled, much to  Aemond’s surprise. He had ordered all letters addressed to Aemma be sent to him straight away, how this had escaped him – “I had waited in the ravenry for a reply for my letter, and one had just arrived when I got there.” She reviled, answering what Aemond was wondering.

“what did it say?” Cassandra and Aemond asked simultaneously.

“Luke and Jace were asking about how I am , and saying they were sorry if their actions in our youth  and wish for us to reconnect upon there return.” She replied.

“you will do no such thing” Aemond spoke, standing up.

“And why not?” Cassandra asked, clearly unhappy at Aemond.

“because of how they have always treated her!2

“oh please, they were children!” Cassandra spoke, now standing alongside Aemond, “ they have apologized and wish to know there sister, and from what Aemma has told me, I and my sisters have done far worse to each other than they did to her!”

Aemond scoffed, “please, they were bullies, they locked her in the black cells!”

“they- they what?” Cassandra asked, no looking towards Aemma.

“i- its true they did, but they have apologised incessantly since then.” Aemma said, trying to diffuse the situation, “they are my brothers, and they.. they said sorry”

“You still have nightmares Aemma” Aemond spoke, now moving back to his seat and taking her hands in his.

This perplexed Aemma she had never not once told Aemond of her dreams, especially of that night, he himself had always felt partly responsible for it, having taken so long to find her, and having left her alone that night. “what?” she asked, “I never told you about my dreams…”

Aemond flinched sightly, realising his mistake, and Cassandra herself took on an angry expression, “how do you know of those dreams Prince Aemond?” she asked, moving herself closer to Aemond and Aemma, as if to protect her.

“i- she is to be my wife, I only took a concern when the guards said she would often wake screaming.” He said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“but that still-“ Aemma started, slowly removing her hands from Aemond.

“don’t concern yourself too much Aemma I simply stood guard to ensure you did not try to harm  yourself.”

Aemma flinched, Aemond cant know about that, no one does. Not even her maids. She had always kept her arms covered, he cant know.

Her eyes betrayed her, showing a scared expression, an expression both Aemond and Cassandra took to be scared about hurting herself.

“I – I” she stuttered, “I don’t know what you-“

“don’t worry Aemma, nothing bad happened, and your brothers wont get anywhere near you” Aemond spoke.

Aemma nodded, trying to mask her own fear of Aemond potentially knowing her secret to make it look like she feared her brothers.

Her parents were set to arrive on the morrow, and All Aemma could do was twist and turn. Dreams had been plaguing her. Ever since the black cells she has been getting premonitions, dreams of what was to come, dreams that have come true.

She supposed she was lucky, Helenas dreams caused her to speak in riddles, some even called her mad. When in truth Aemma was the one who was mad. She scratched and bleed as she dreamed, tearing at the skin on her arm. Her hands felt like they were soaked in blood, her nails turned red, as she scratched and teared. She dreamt of herself, she was married with children, but one was dead. She killed him. She must have, blood was on her hands, on her dress her face. Her other children cowered in the corner, flinching away from her.

“a son for a son!” she woke up gasping, the words ringing in her head.

Her bed sheets were stained in her blood, her arms scarred. The wounds from her last dream only just having healed.

She couldn’t help it, it was if her only escaped from her dreams was to harm herself. Perhaps it had been the three years of isolation she had felt so alone, where the dreams controlled her. She would send days and days tuck in the loop. Until one day her mother wrote to her of needing alliances and how her and Alicent had chosen her ladies. Her ladies had saved her, Cassandra specifically. She would wake her up, help her dress, and for once Aemma had a reason to escape her dreams. But then Aemond’s neglect and ignorance of her had turned cruel, calling her “my lady strong”, a name he had only just stopped calling her.

But something haunted her as she paced around her chambers, Aemond’s torment had put a stop to her dreams, the dreams were there was no dancing dragons, or no blood-soaked hands and gowns. Instead the dreams were of dragon snapping dragons neck, storm soaked nights and screams. And then since this week her nightmares have been full of crying, begging and blood. And now this.

It seemed no matter what her life would be full of tears and screams, and death.

“Aemma.” Cassandra said, walking into her chambers, alongside the rest of her ladies, Cerci Lannister, Cerelle Costayne, Margaret Fossway and Rosia Tyrell.

She had not slept since being awoken from her dreams, she had bathed and dressed, applied ointment to her scares, and had proceeded to pace her rooms nonstop.

She was worried, her mother would be here soon, and she had no ideas what she would be like.

She knew nothing of her, and she feared her mother may no longer love her. And well she was nervous about her wedding, and the wedding night. Aemond and Alicent had told her about it in the past week, and she was scared. And she just needed her Muna.

“how are you feeling?” Cersi asked.

“I am nervous” she admitted.

“of course, you will be wed on the morrow, you are bound to be nervous” Margaret added.

“well i-“

“but think, you will get to marry someone who loves you!” Rosia gushed.

“yes you are so lucky!” Cerelle complained, she had received news yesterday of her father engaging her to some man who had been married twice before and she had never met.

“oh Cerelle, he’s old hell probably die before you can wed.” Aemma said nonchalantly, and Cassandra laughed as she watched Aemma gasp at her own words. “sorry, just today the first time I will see my mother and brothers in years. I’m nervous”

Cassandra grabbed her hand, caressing home gently, “it’ll be okay, I’m sure.” She then looked to Cerelle “ and Aemma’s right, he’s what eight and seventy, he could croak at nay moment!” they all laughed, and for the first time that day Aemma’s mind was finally taken of what was to come.

She stood in the courtyard wating for their arrival, alongside her stood alone, Alicent having to have leave only moments ago to take care of something. She had done all her wedding planning with Alicent, she had comforted her when she cried over her mothers lack of care over her wedding, and visiting her despite her countless letters over the years. But Alicent seemed nervous, as if she was waiting for something or scared of something, and even more so when she had to leave.

After a few moments a carriage finally arrived in the courtyard, and her mother was the first to step out.

She wanted to run to her, to hug her and tell her how she had missed her. But her dream, it rang in her head.

“A son for a son” that all she could hear, and a voice in her head told her it was her mother’s fault, that her mother would force her to kill her son. She didn’t want to think it, but her mothers face, her blood soaked hands and a headless child was all she could see.

She made her way slowly walking down the steps the greet them.

“muña, lēkia” she greeted, a smile gracing her face. “welcome home”

Taglist (bold means could not tag)

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to be added to Taglist

[pinkiemachine]

How would you do Batman, I'm just wondering because Batman's my favorite character

OH HO HO!! I HAVE WRITTEN SO MUCH ABOUT BATMAN!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*ahem*

His show is called BATMAN: GOTHAM FILES, and I have the basic outline for each and every one of the seasons! There’s 9 total, plus a movie finale. Here we go!

SEASON ONE:

Most of us should know basically what Bruce’s backstory is, so I’ll keep this part brief. Bruce Wayne was eight years old when his millionaire mother and father were gunned down in front of him in an alleyway in Gotham City. They never found the killer. The family’s loyal butler, Alfred Pennyworth, took care of Bruce from that point onward. Bruce started taking self-defence classes in-between going to the schwanky Gotham Academy and learning how to run his father’s business, Wayne Enterprises (a massive conglomerate that was famous throughout all of America, but especially the East Coast.) The young man had hardly healed from his traumatic experience, though, and after graduating college (something he was practically forced to do by Alfred), he decided not to stay in Gotham. He hated the city. Instead, he took off in a plane… and secretly never intended to come back…

EIGHT YEARS LATER…

It was a welcome surprise when Bruce Wayne turned up in Gotham, seemingly in a much happier headspace and eager to finally, finally take his father’s business seriously. The Prince of Gotham had returned. Months after that, there was a new legend lurking in the streets of the city. Something called “the batman” or “the bat.” Criminals were getting caught and arrested left and right, and half of them were scared out of their minds about this spectre. The police force didn’t know what to make of it… except for one Captain Jim Gordon. He knew that the legend was true… and occasionally, he would sneak into his office and scare the living daylights out of him. He and Batman had been working together for a little while now, (we get an episode later that explores how they first met), but Gordon doesn’t know who he really is under the mask, and no one else in the force thinks that Batman is even real. But Gordon is eager to help him because the police force is falling apart. They’re completely unable to do their job and keep the streets safe, so Gordon agrees to help Batman stop crime in its tracks. He wants to make Gotham safer for his wife and daughter.

Shocking literally no one, the audience discovers that Bruce Wayne is Batman, working out of a massive secret base underneath Wayne Manor—his ancestral home. But, he must balance the life of a vigilante with the life of billionaire Bruce Wayne, which can be difficult at times. We get several episodes just laying the ground work. Who runs the company when Bruce isn’t around? Lucious Fox. Who manages Bruce’s affairs and schedule? Alfred. Who makes all the gadgets and gear that Batman uses? He does. Using plenty of materials and goods he can buy since he’s a billionaire. When did he learn how to make all this stuff? Hmmmmmm….

We meet our first few villains—Penguin, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Riddler, etc—Batman is still trying to track down who murdered his parents, and we’re having a generally good time until THE MID SEASON FINALE. You see, there’s a circus coming to town.

Haley’s Traveling Circus was famous on the East Coast, being one of the oldest circuses in the country, as well as boasting the Fabulous Flying Graysons! A family trapeze act! However, this smiling troop of clowns was actually hiding some pretty dark secrets. When they arrived in Gotham City, they were asked to help out known mob-boss Tony Zucco with some… not-so-nice things. John Grayson, head of the Flying Graysons, had been feeling conflicted about how much behind-the-scenes shady dealings the circus had been involved with over the years. So, he thought that maybe if he just let the tiniest bit of evidence leak to the police, maybe they could handle everything and the Graysons wouldn’t be caught in the cross fire. This is what brings Batman to the scene. He investigates the circus, meets the Graysons, including their son, Richard, aka Dick, and eventually goes on to solve the mysterious crime, pinning it on Tony Zucco and getting certain members of Haley’s Circus arrested. (The ones actually involved in the crime.) However, Zucco manages to avoid jail time. Not only that, but he discovers who snitched on him. That night, after the case has been solved and Bruce shows up to catch the Flying Graysons perform, everything is going great until the unthinkable happens: the lines on the trapeze snap and Mr. and Mrs. Grayson go falling to their deaths.

Dick Grayson is an orphan… and he’s angry. He’s about 11 years old, but he’s smart enough to know what’s going on. He knows why Batman was coming around asking questions, he knows who Tony Zucco is, and he knows that his father made him very unhappy. After the police have arrived, but before social services do, Dick sneaks out and climbs to the top of the building with the Bat-Signal on it (yes, by this point in the story, that’s a thing). He flashes it on and off, rain pelting down, until the caped crusader arrives. He demands to know if this was Zucco’s fault. Batman refuses to say anything, but Dick doesn’t care. He says he’s going to make Zucco pay, whether Batman helps or not, and he tries his hardest to remain true to his word. After that night, Dick runs off through Gotham several times, trying to get in touch with Zucco and attempting to enact revenge, meanwhile Batman has to keep swooping in to keep the kid from getting himself killed. He recognises the pain he’s in—he completely understands his anger—and realises that he needs a teacher—a mentor—a father figure who can lead him through all of this and keep him out of trouble. So, as Bruce Wayne, he decides to adopt Dick. At first, Dick doesn’t want anything to do with this stranger—he’d rather stay with his circus family if he’s going to stay with anyone—but then, in court one day, Bruce says something—something only Batman said to him once—and all of a sudden, it clicks in Dick’s mind. He instantly asks to be placed in Bruce’s care and not a few hours after arriving at Wayne Manor, Dick manages to discover where the Batcave entrance is. Sneaking down there, he plans to become his own kind of vigilante, just like Batman, and get revenge… until Bruce catches him and tries to knock some sense into him.

It’s here that Bruce has to confront his own past. His sense and reason are saying, “Don’t let the kid try to enact revenge!” But then, he has to ask himself, “why am I still hunting down the man who killed my parents?” He has to tell himself, “it can’t be about revenge. Only what is just and fair.” When/if he finds the killer, he will turn him over to the authorities and let him face proper punishment. Zucco… he’s too powerful. There needs to be a lot of incriminating evidence against him before the police can take action, and even then, that’s not what Dick wants. Dick wants Zucco gone. Permanently. THAT is what needs to be dealt with inside of Dick. Bruce refuses to let this boy make himself a killer. Instead, he decides to channel that anger and drive into training him. You see, when Bruce vanished for eight years, it was during that time that he met many teachers and learned many new skills. Through bettering himself and learning these skills, he felt he had grown as a person and had worked through some of his emotions. It was therapeutic. He hopes it will be the same for Dick. He also teaches him about the justice system and detective work so that they can bring down Tony Zucco WITHOUT killing him. Little by little, over the course of the next year, Dick starts to turn into the infamous side-kick Robin, following Batman on small cases and learning about fighting crime… from a distance. (Mostly.) Dick does have a knack for getting into trouble.

On the personal side of things, Dick still needs to adjust to living in Wayne Manor, going to a new school (Gotham Academy) navigating being a wealthy, famous person’s adopted son, etc etc. And then… Ra’s Al Ghul shows up. Now it’s time for Bruce’s past to be revealed. He had traveled the world, and he did have many teachers, but none quite as legendary as the Demon’s Head, leader of the League of Shadows. A secret organisation (cult, really, Bruce later realised) that had mastered the art of martial arts, ninjutsu, and so much more. Each member was a peak specimen of the human race, with no genetic weaknesses or flaws, especially their leader, Ra’s. Bruce had been one of his top students, but then he had revealed his grande scheme for the world. Ra’s wanted to wipe out the rest of humanity (which he deemed as impure and flawed) and then the only people who would be left to inherit the Earth would be his perfect family and his perfect followers! All he was missing was a male heir to his throne. His daughter, Talia, most perfect of his children, had fallen in love with Bruce during his time in the Shadows, but before anything could come of it, Bruce had snuck out and left the League as fast as he could, meaning never to come back. Now, though, Ra’s had found him and wanted him to marry his daughter. Bruce refuses. Ra’s tries to take him by force, Robin helps save the day, it’s a big exciting grand finale to the season, and it ends with Ra’s and Talia retreating… because while Bruce was captured, they managed to steal some… “DNA”… and test tube baby Damian would be thus conceived, unbeknownst to Batman and Robin.

Anyway, things are looking up for our main characters. They saved the city, they saved each other, they’re working on their personal growth, and everyone is excited to see Season 2 because—

JOKER TEASE!!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!!

I’mma make more posts, this is a long one, strap in…

I also have a sketch of Talia…

Part 2 👇

[0livdocx]

Howard Hamlin: illusion of burning sins

Inspired by Better Call Saul S04E01 - Smoke:

“There’s something else that’s still burning after the fire that took Chuck’s life.”

I originally drew this piece at the start of the year, but recently I got back to it and decided to add some spice. Despite some small errors, I like how it looks now. Yum!

My creative process & thoughts for this piece:

It’s originally a self-projective piece partially about my mental struggles, but I won’t be talking about myself here.

Let’s focus on Howard Hamlin in this episode, right after Chuck’s death - Unforgivable as Howard Hamlin thought he was, he was partially a scapegoat for Jimmy McGill’s deeds. I’m putting Howard in the frame, but it is reflecting an aftermath of Jimmy’s self-denial and psychological manipulation driven by his own insecurities. Jimmy told Howard “that’s your cross to bear” while the sentence also serves as a suggestion to the audience that Howard is indeed a sacrifice to Jimmy’s self-loathing and avoidance. Jimmy McGill would be the illusionist who casted this whole “illusion of sins” upon Howard Hamlin’s already conflicted mind. Would you feel pity for this guy? Vince legit made him cry for your pity.

Everything is still about Jimmy McGill, our cunning, venomous perpetrator. Self-loathing and antisocial tendencies are a part of his true nature. Did he see Howard’s distress? Did he see Howard Hamlin’s suffering? He did. But this man closed his heart to them, just like the way he run away from himself. Jimmy McGill’s lack of sympathy is one of the very things that brought Howard into his grave. Just how pathetic Howard is? Grieving for his misplaced error in the dark, this man is oblivious to the fact that he was already entwined by the serpent: a cold blooded creature who would never change its nature - the snake here serves as a symbol of Jimmy McGill’s inherent antisocial tendencies. Howard could never foresee the future of this serpent sinking its teeth into him and pump out its deadly poison, which will finally give him the kiss of death. Even the stars that will guide him on his path cannot save him from this misery. Personally, 401 feels like the beginning of the downfall of Howard Hamlin, and the rise of Saul Goodman.

If we think about the causes of Chuck’s death, it’s not hard for anyone to see that Howard Hamlin, this poor man is overshouldering someone else’s sin - someone who’s unable to face the responsibilities to their own actions, someone who’s in constant denial, someone who’s too much hatred in their heart. (Naw Howard is legit Jesus here💀) it’s why I chose to cover Chuck’s face with the cross too, for how Jimmy mislead Howard into believing that Chuck’s death was all his fault, when Jimmy himself was the main perpetrator.

Anyway, in later seasons of the show, we can notice that Howard was crumpled up and put into somewhere he didn’t belong, he’s forced to face this superficial alienation - his marriage was falling apart too. With this vulnerability, Vince showed that this lead lawyer of HHM was stuck, he was conflicted, his glory was wearing off, he was struggling like every normal person would. He was burning not only because he’s trapped by guilt and sin, but also for the reason that he has the vitality to “burn” and release energy: He is resilient. He has the life inside of him to be burnt.

Compassion creates a sense of closure between characters and audiences. The entire tight spot in Howards life conveyed by Vince makes audiences empathize with him easily - honestly I never felt a thing for Howard Hamlin’s boring ass because I was busy siding with Jimmy McGill in my mind in the first few seasons. What’s interesting about Brba/Bcs is that Vince put us in front of a quandary: who would you side with in a fucked up world with fucked up people? When watching the first few seasons of BCS I put my empathy in Jimmy McGill, but then my empathy slowly detached from him as the show progressed.

As for Howard, I just pity this man as an audience after witnessing his fall presented by Vince in the later seasons: what Howard deserved was anything but a nameless grave with his murderer, a defamation, and a twisted, made-up story stated by his perpetrators on his funeral. Vince made it obvious to the audience. Yes. Let’s make this glorious man suffer. Let him be guilt tripped. Let his life fall apart like a roller coaster so you’ll lay your compassion and love onto him - Howard Hamlin lost everything, he didn’t even have a death with dignity thanks to the people operating the fucked up bullshit in the dark - It’s interesting to notice my “love” for this character is originally out of compassion.

Despite Howard, there are lots of characters who deserve audience’s love. There are Nacho, Mike, Gus, their motives are even noble if you try to look at it from a humane perspective, but anyhow they’re all part of this gut-wrenching predatory game - it’s basically how everything is so complicated in a world depicted in Better Call Saul and Breaking Bad, they create intricate conflicts. I do love how fictions like BrBa and BCS allow us to explore the complexity of humanity in a safe distance.

As Howard Hamlin was buried, Saul Goodman buried Jimmy McGill alongside with him too. And then there’s Lalo Salamanca lying beside Howard Hamlin like they’re doing pillow talk - they are both powerful beings taking high positions in the BCS food chain. As they disappeared, the path for Saul Goodman’s career to ascend is broad and clear. A cucaracha rising to the top, and this time he’s fully embracing the darkness.

In conclusion: Great make-believe, Vince!

[afroditisworld]

Silver Spring

Remus Lupin x Black!Reader

Warnings: just angst not a happy ending. character death. my grammar

word count: 5k

A/N: i write this fic while listening to Silver Spring so i recommend listening to it while you are reading it.

five times Remus rejected you and once you did.

You, Sirus, Remus, Peter, and James were always together in your years at Hogwarts. As the twin sister of Sirius Black and as a Gryffindor, you were a disappointment to your family too. You were a part of the Marauders and close with everyone, but Peter was your best friend. At first, he envied you because he was jealous of your brother. However, he learned to trust you over time, and a beautiful friendship started. He knew everything about you, even your huge crush on Remus Lupin. How could you not like him? He was the sweetest and most loveable wizard you had ever met, but he didn't know that. You were always flirting with him, trying to make your feelings obvious. But he couldn't understand how you could like him, so he always brushed off your flirting. Except for one night in your 7th year, Gryffindor had just won an important game against the Slytherins, and at the party, you and Remus had a little too much to drink. In a moment of weakness, Remus confessed that he had feelings for you too. You were dizzy, but you could still remember how his words made you feel. You were sitting in the common room alone after the party when Remus approached you.

"You know that I like you too, right?" Remus whispered in your ear, placing a sweet kiss on your neck. You chuckled and hid your face in your hands.

"It's true, luv, but you don't deserve me," he said, placing his hand on your lap. You immediately looked at him and shook your head, touching his face and making him look at you.

"You have no idea what you deserve, Remus Lupin," you murmured as you leaned in closer, your lips hovering just above his.

"You deserve so much more," he whispered teasingly, brushing his lips against yours before pulling back.

“Kiss me, please, Remus,” you breathed out, and a small smile appeared on his lips. You felt your heart flutter, and he couldn't resist any longer.

He pulled you closer by the back of your neck, and before you could even think twice, his lips were crushed against yours. At first, his kiss was rough and desperate, but as the moment lingered, it softened into something tender and sweet. Your mind went blank as you kissed him back eagerly, completely losing yourself in the moment. All the tension and pent-up desire between you two exploded in that kiss, leaving both of you panting for air when you finally pulled away. Remus smirked at you and was ready to kiss you again when your brother called his name and stood up to head to Sirius.

That's how it started. At every party, you and Remus would make out. You started hanging out more, so you thought you and Remus could finally be something more than friends.

But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, you began to notice a change in Remus’s behaviour. He started to distance himself, always finding excuses to avoid being alone with you. Your heart ached at the thought of losing him after finally admitting your feelings and sharing those intense moments. So at his birthday party, you decided it was finally time to talk this out.

Remus was smoking alone on the window when you approached him, nerves fluttering in your chest but determined to get answers.

"What, Black, you don't enjoy the party?" He asked you, blowing the smoke outside the window with a small smirk.

"No, I just wanted to spend some time with you and talk," you answered, looking up at him as you got closer to him. He bit his lips and let out a small groan. He knew that was coming; he knew that you liked him, and Remus knew that he wanted you as well, but he still couldn't let himself give in to his feelings.

"Remus, what's going on?" You asked, your voice laced with concern. He avoided your gaze, shifting his cigarette.

"I… I can't do this, Y/N," he finally whispered, his eyes filled with regret. "I'm too dangerous for you. I can't risk being with you like this." He tried to look away from you; he was ashamed of himself. How was it possible to be such a coward? And as his words left his mouth, you chuckled.

"You don't mean that," you said, stepping closer to him. As a Black, you were known for never settling for anything less than what you wanted. You were not one to back down easily.

"Stop it, Y/N; you don't deserve it, and you know that," Remus stated, finally looking at you as he stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray.

"No, Lupin, we could make it work; you know that," you said, but Remus turned around, leaving you all alone with your thoughts. You couldn't help but wonder if his fear was too great to overcome his wants.

After that, you did not make an effort again. You had some pride; you were upset, and you didn't want to ruin your friendship, so you chose to act as if nothing had happened. As if Remus never expressed his affection for you, never kissed you, and, above all, you tried to convince yourself that Remus Lupin had never broken your heart.

You and Remus never talked about your feelings again. But you never stopped hoping that something could change. You couldn't bury your feelings completely, no matter how hard you tried to ignore them. So the next time Remus chose to hide his feelings and reject you again was on October 31, 1981.

You were both on a mission for the Order of the Phoenix. The mission was dangerous; you both knew that. You were fighting side by side, so when you saw Remus in danger, you ran to help him, risking your own life. You didn't mind; it was the right thing to do, you told yourself, but Remus didn't seem to think so.

When you arrived at his house, he was furious. At first, he didn't talk to you and avoided eye contact. It was clear that he was struggling with his emotions. So when you tried to speak to him, he shouted at you.

"You are not going to do that again." He was flustered when he finally looked at you. You pouted when you heard his words; you didn't expect this reaction. You were always putting yourselves in danger, so you didn't see what the problem was now.

"We were on a mission, Remus. What did you want me to do? Just stand there and watch you die." You asked him and rolled your eyes. He was being unreasonable.

"Stop putting yourself at so much risk." He groaned, putting his hand on his hair. You started to get mad at his constant lecturing.

"I can take care of myself, Remus," you snapped, feeling frustrated with his overprotective nature. "I'm not going to stop just because you're worried."

"You should," he stated, and he left the room. You followed him into the kitchen; you wouldn't let him make you feel like you couldn't handle yourself. You wanted to have the last word in this argument.

"Can you just thank me and don't give a lecture? I just saved you for Merlin's sake." You cried out.

"You didn't have to, Y/N. Don't do that again," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Are you hearing what you're saying? You're asking me to let you die," you said, looking at him confused. He sighed, realising the gravity of the situation.

"Yeah- no, I mean, just don't do that again." He insisted.

"No, Remus, I would put myself at risk again and again if it meant saving you," you whispered. Remus looked at you with a mixture of gratitude and concern, realising just how much you cared for him. But still, he couldn't understand what he had done to deserve that.

"Stop it, Y/N." He demanded as you shook your head, refusing to back down.

"And you know why?" You continued.

"Y/N." Remus said your name again, trying to make you stop.

"Because I have feelings for you, and I can't pretend like I don't anymore; I can’t bury them, Remus, and I know you can't either." You finally let out.

"Stop," Remus said again, this time louder.

"What, Remus? Is it so difficult to believe that you are loveable and that people actually care for you more than you think?" You asked him. You knew that you were being bolder than you should be, but you couldn't take it anymore.

"Yes, it fucking is," he let out with a cracking voice and a pained expression.

"Then open your bloody eyes, Lupin, because when you're gonna realise it, it'll be late, and you'll regret not accepting the love that's right in front of you," you whispered, feeling the weight of your words. "And you'll lose everyone, not only me," you said again. You knew that you were being mean, but someone should have made him listen and woke him up. "Stop pushing me away," you added softly, hoping he would finally understand. "I can't keep waiting for you forever."

But Remus again didn't say anything; he chose to push you away once more, his eyes filled with sadness and regret. You knew deep down that he was struggling with his own demons, but it didn't make the rejection hurt any less. He shook his head again and left the room, leaving you alone one more time.

The next morning didn't find either of you well. Mary had called you too. "Something horrible happened.” She said. You felt like your heart had dropped to the pit of your stomach, fearing the worst as you listened to Mary's words. Her words left you feeling lost. You felt dizzy with worry as you tried to make sense of the situation. The uncertainty of what Mary had to say weighed heavily on your mind, leaving you anxious and unsettled.

Your brother was a traitor—or that's what people said—your best friend Peter was dead, killed by your brother—or that's what people said—and James and Lily were killed by Voldemort because of your brother—or that's what people said.

Everything was suddenly too much. You didn't know what to do; you couldn't move; you could hardly breathe, and when you closed the phone, you fell to the floor. You hugged your knees tightly, feeling the weight of the world crashing down on you. Tears streamed down your face as you tried to process the overwhelming emotions flooding through you. You screamed till your voice was hoarse, the pain and confusion consuming you completely. It felt like the ground beneath you was crumbling, leaving you stranded in a world that no longer made sense. And you cried till there were no tears left.

The next time you saw Remus, it was at James and Lily's funeral, and he wasn't looking any better. His eyes were red-rimmed and hollow, his usual calm demeanour replaced by a haunted expression. You both stood there in silence, united in grief, knowing that nothing would ever be the same again. He didn't come closer to you; he didn't speak to you; he didn't even look at you, but you could still see his tired eyes with black circles underneath. No one actually talked to you. It was very obvious that you weren't welcome there. You were a Black after all, and they thought your brother had betrayed them. As you watched the crowd disperse, you felt a heavy weight of loneliness settle in your chest. The whispers and glances only confirmed what you already knew—you were truly alone in your grief. Mary wasn't there either to offer you any comfort or support; she had obliviated herself.

Even when you tried to approach him, he simply turned away without saying a word. You looked too much alike to Sirius, and he couldn't look at you without thinking of him and his betrayal.

So weeks passed, and you found yourself isolated, grappling with your sorrow in silence. The absence of understanding and empathy from those around you only deepened your sense of loss. But you couldn't bear it; you felt like you were losing your mind, being so alone. Everyone was happy, celebrating the end of the war, but you knew that only Remus could understand your pain. You decided to reach out to him, so you went to his house and knocked on his door, hoping he would be there to offer you the comfort and support you desperately needed. But no response came.

"Please, Remus, I know you are in here." You begged with your voice cracking and your eyes watering. The silence that followed only made the ache in your heart grow stronger.

"Please open the door for me; I can't do this by myself, Remus. I just need you." you whimpered. As you stood there, waiting for a sign of life from inside the house, you couldn't help but wonder if Remus had truly abandoned you in your time of need.

You touched the door and got closer, trying to hear any movement on the other side, but all you could hear was the sound of your own heavy breathing. The fear of being alone in this moment was overwhelming, as tears started running down your face.

"I lost my brother, my best friend, and my friends too, you know," you said desperately, hoping that Remus would hear you and open the door. You leaned your forehead against the door, feeling defeated and abandoned. You couldn't beg any more; everything seemed useless. You knew he wouldn't respond to you. So before you go, you whispered once last time.

"You are a coward, Remus Lupin because I know I could have loved you, but you wouldn't let me." After that, you didn't bother him again, and that was the last time Remus heard from you for 14 years.

The next time you saw Remus, it was at one of the meetings of the Order. He had changed; he wasn't the sweet boy you had fallen in love with. His eyes were tired, and there was a hardness to his features that hadn't been there before. It was clear that he hadn't spent the best 14 years of his life.

Every person who didn't help you when you needed them was there. It was too awkward for you. You haven't seen any of them for the past few years. They had pushed you away just because of your last name.

So when Sirius asked you to come to the meetings, at first you refused. He understood why. You had told him how your feelings were ignored even by his best friend; you told him how you were left alone to deal with your own grief. But he begged you.

"Please, Y/N, I can't do this alone in this house." You couldn't say no to your brother. Sirius had forgiven them all, so you decided to do the same. It was already difficult to be a runway from Azkaban, but being isolated at the noble and most ancient house of Black was even worse, and you didn't want to leave him alone.

When you saw Remus again, you froze. Your eyes locked with his, and you felt like you were being pulled back into the past. The pain of losing him was still fresh in your heart, but you knew you had to face him eventually.

He didn't know how to react; he was the one who made you go through hell. He was the one who had left you when you needed him the most because he let his insecurities and fears get the best of him. He could still remember the last thing you said to him before walking away. It was like the sound of your voice haunted him. He knew that it was his fault that he didn't let you love him, so he didn't dare reach out to you, afraid of facing the consequences of his actions.

But you approached him, being the brave Gryffindor you always used to be. You couldn't just pretend that you didn't care anymore, even though he had hurt you deeply. So when you saw him getting outside to light a cigarette, you took the chance and followed him to the balcony.

"Remus," you called his name. It sounded so familiar and so strange at the same time, and Remus could have sworn he felt his heart skip a beat. He turned slowly to face you. You tried to smile at him, but it came out more as a sad grin. He didn't dare call your name; he was scared that it would sound unfamiliar.

"How have you been?" You asked him when you saw he didn't make a move to speak. Remus hesitated at first. He opened his mouth, but he closed it again. It didn't feel fair to pretend like everything was normal when it clearly wasn't.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, ignoring your question.

"Don't be Remus; it's okay now," you commented, even though you didn't feel like it.

"What I did wasn't right; um, you had lost your friends too; fuck sake your brother even," he said, putting his hand on the back of his neck as he tried to find the right words. "I was too selfish. I am sorry; I really am." Remus continued.

"Well, you were," you said with a soft smile, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. "But you can change that, Remus," you added, getting closer to him. You were still hoping that something would change; you were still waiting for the happy ending you deserved after all this pain. Maybe you were just a fool, but you couldn't help it.

But he immediately shook his head. "No, Y/N, come on, you're supposed to be mad at me because I left you all alone. I don't deserve forgiveness," Remus said, looking down in shame. You reached out and gently lifted his chin, meeting his eyes.

"Remus I can't; I can't be mad at you. I was before I came here, and I blame you for almost everything. And I know it sounds stupid, but when I saw you again, all this anger left my body." You said as you felt your eyes watering. "You know that the last time that we actually spoke, we were fighting?" you asked him. Remus nodded, his eyes filled with regret.

"Well, I don't want the last memory of the boy man that I loved love being a fight Remus," you continued.

Remus felt his heart breaking. You were never afraid to show your emotions and speak your mind, and he was so jealous of that.

"I'm not the man you deserve, though, Y/N," he said. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions and trying your best not to feel stupid again.

"It's always ended up like this with you," you whispered, feeling the disappointment settle in your chest.

"I'm so-" Remus tried to say, but you cut him off, shaking your head.

"Don't apologise for something you don't want to change, Remus." You commented, staring straight into his eyes.

"But," he tried again.

"It's okay; I guess still I am a fool, right? " You asked him, and you left him alone. As you walked away, you couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be different between the two of you. The weight of unspoken words hung heavy in the air as you made your way inside. Only time would tell, as you carried on with a heavy heart and a glimmer of hope that someday, somehow, things would be different. But still, you didn't feel like hoping anymore.

As the days passed, you tried to ignore Remus, but it was really difficult as he was in every meeting of the Order. You didn't talk to him after your talk on the balcony, but Remus was dying to speak to you. He knew he didn't have any rights because he was the one who rejected you again and again. However, he found his opportunity when you met Harry for the first time again.

You were alone in the kitchen; Harry had just left, and you were trying to calm yourself.

"He looks exactly like James, doesn't he?" Remus murmured behind you. You slowly turned to look at him, and you nodded.

"I feel like I'm watching him again." You answered him.

"But with Lily's eyes," he continued.

"Exactly, but I felt like if I was going to look at him for a little longer, I would have started crying." You said trying to look away as Remus got closer to you. His hand wiped a tear from your cheek that started running.

"You broke my heart, Remus," you said, getting away from his touch and leaving the room.

Remus was once again left alone, but not for long. Sirius entered the room, shaking his head at his friend's actions. "You really messed up this time," Sirius muttered, crossing his arms and staring at Remus with disappointment. Remus sighed.

"And you are an idiot." Your brother continued.

"Oi," Remus said, looking up at Sirius with a mix of guilt and frustration, slightly offended.

"You love her so much that you are afraid that you are going to hurt her, but you are too blind to see that you're already hurting her because of that fear," Sirius said to his friend. "I can't watch her run behind you for all her life, Moony; please change that." He continued, and without hearing Remus's answer, he left him once again alone.

After the day you met Harry again, you stopped going to the meetings of the Order; it was too much for you. Watching Remus again and again and trying to pretend he didn't break your heart was becoming unbearable. You were still a member, and you still learned the news for Sirius, but you couldn't bring yourself to face Remus after everything that had happened. And he knew that you had stopped showing your face in meetings just because of him.

So the next time you saw him, it was on a mission. On the mission, you lost Sirius. On the mission, you saw your cousin killing your brother in front of your eyes. Everything went quiet for a second. You couldn't hear Harry's scream or Bellatrix's song. You didn't even hear Remus calling your name as you fell to your knees in shock. The world seemed to spin around you, and all you could see was the image of Sirius falling through the veil. Remus's voice finally broke through the fog in your mind.

"Y/N" Remus called again. You just shook your head. You couldn't believe it. You had lost your brother again, but this time forever.

When you were at your worst, Remus was there for you. You felt grateful for his presence and support for the first time in a long time. You knew you weren't alone in your grief. He came and lived with you until you could finally begin to heal from the loss of Sirius. When you would have a nightmare, he was next to you, making you tea and trying to comfort you. Remus truly became your rock during this difficult time. But this treatment didn't last for long. He started watching, that you became attached to him, and he knew it wasn't healthy for either of you. You didn't deserve him, he reminded himself again and again. Even though he wanted to feel your lips touch his, he couldn't allow himself to act on those feelings. So when he noticed you weren't grieving any more, Remus started distancing himself from you, and you understood that, so you decided to make it easier for him. You didn't like feeling like a burden on him, so you slowly began to create some distance as well.

"I want you to leave." You finally dared to tell him. Remus was taken aback by your words, but he knew deep down that it was his fault. He had brought it upon himself by pushing you away in the first place and rejecting you again and again.

"What?" He asked confusedly, not expecting such a direct request from you. You took a deep breath and repeated.

"You are distracting yourself from me again, Remus, so I'm making it easier for you, and I'm asking you to leave."

"Y/N," he called your name; it almost sounded like a plea for you to reconsider.

"Look. I can't, Remus. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like a fool waiting for you to let me love you," you said, trying not to let the frustration and hurt seep into your voice. "So, or you're gonna stay and we'll figure it out, or you're gonna leave and we'll go our separate ways. It's up to you now," you finished, steeling yourself for his response. Remus looked down, his expression unreadable, before finally nodding and turning to leave without another word to start packing his stuff.

When he finally left, you didn't cry that night; you physically couldn't; there weren't any tears left. You were used to this feeling of being left alone. You just felt numb, like a hollow shell, devoid of any emotion or warmth. The silence in the room was deafening, only broken by the sound of your own shallow breaths. You lay there in the darkness, staring blankly at the ceiling. It was okay, you told yourself. You would get through this, just like you always did.

Remus didn't know how to feel. He told himself that he had made a promise with your brother to make you stop running behind him, and he believed that he was doing the right thing. But, oh, Sirius didn't mean that, and deep down, he knew that.

It had been one year since you heard from Remus and every other member of the Order. You had stopped using magic, well, except from your house. You decided to distance yourself from the wizarding world completely, focusing on your Muggle life instead. It wasn't easy at first, but you managed. You found a Muggle work as a barista at a local coffee shop. You were content with your new routine.

You left behind a world that gave you so much pain, but the memories of your past still lingered in the back of your mind. So you were trying to forget and let everything go. But when Remus appeared suddenly at your door, you couldn't help but feel a rush of emotions and memories flood back. Despite your efforts to move on, the wizarding world seemed determined to pull you back in.

"Remus," you called his name in shock. He looked up at you, and he could barely look into your eyes.

"What, um, what are you doing here?" You asked, surprised by his unexpected appearance. You felt your heart beat faster as you struggled to be relaxed.

Remus hesitated before responding. "I'm getting married," he finally said. Your eyes widened in surprise as you processed his words, leaving you speechless.

You shook your head trying to process the news and at the same time denied it.

"I want you there, Y/N." He said, and an awkward chuckle left your mouth.

"Me? At your wedding?" You stammered, still shaking your head.

Remus didn't answer you; he just stood there, still trying to avoid your gaze.

"No, Remus," you stated. "I can't do that," you said firmly, trying to hide the hurt in your voice. Remus looked down.

"Please, Y/N, you-" he started saying.

"Remus, you broke my heart again and again because you wouldn't let me love you, and you are coming here asking me to come to your wedding. What, was she prettier?" You asked, taking a breath before continuing, "Actually, I don't want to know."

"But, you know what, Remus, I'll begin not to love you, and I'll tell myself that I deserve someone who will choose me every single day without hesitation, but you, Remus, time will cast a spell on you, and you won't forget me. Because you'll never get away from the sound of a woman that loved you." You stood there, strong and hurt, biting your lips, trying to hold back tears.

You didn't say anything else, and he just stood there in silence, unable to meet your gaze. The weight of your words hung heavy in the air between you, a painful reminder of what could have been, as you closed the door behind you, leaving him to ponder the truth of your words in solitude. The echo of your declaration remained in his mind, a haunting melody that he couldn't shake off.

bonus.

A year had passed since Remus's unexpected visit. At that time, you had moved on from your old wizard life. You bought a new house, trying to leave behind any reminders of your past. You had let go of the dreams and hopes you once held for Remus and accepted that some things were not meant to be.

But on one sunny day in May, as you were looking outside the window, something caught your attention. There seemed to be an unusually high number of people dressed in strange cloaks around the city. And you immediately knew that something had happened. You started getting worried that maybe something had happened to your old friends, so you decided to buy The Daily Prophet.

When your owl arrived, the front page of The Daily Prophet had a large headline that read, You-Know-Who has been defeated. Your heart leapt with joy as you realised that the wizarding world wasn't so dark after all.

But as you continued reading, your eyes fell upon the names of those who had lost their lives in the battle, and a wave of sadness washed over you. And when you saw Remus's name between them, your heart sank. You couldn't believe it. Remus, the man who had loved you with all your heart, was gone. And despite everything, you couldn't help but feel a deep sense of loss. All the pain and anger you had towards him suddenly disappeared, replaced by a deep sadness for what could have been. You remembered all the moments you had shared with him, both good and bad, and before you could even realise it, a small cry left your mouth. And now, all those memories felt bittersweet as tears streamed down your face.

Because even though he was the man you used to love once, your last memory of him was a fight.

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

reblogs are always appreciated!

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me

[moonshynecybin]

what would you consider essential marc and rosquez watching? i don’t mean races but the stuff happening around it, there seems to be so much and idk where to start 😭

BIG ass question. i think it depends what you want outta this and how you best interact with content slash consume information. for me (not to brag but. winner of multiple historical essay writing competitions in high school. for context on the kind of freak i am bringing to the table here.) the research is kind of the fun part ! like i just started googling shit! i would go to inactive blogs and just search 'marquez' on them to see what would happen ! a lot of the times that works ! but it also takes a lotttt of time lol so i'll chuck some good resources your way, why not...

okay im not sure how basic we're talkin here but um. background. so the documentaries are, i think. the best place to start. theyre entertaining and offer a good amalgamation of clips to provide context for the actual racing. and like i know you de-emphasized racing (which is fine lol who cares) but it really is like the most important thing in the world to these fools and its a pretty visual sport so i think its at least helpful. like yes sepang IS about the press conference, but its also about the conversation they have ON the race track using their motorcycles. which is also somewhat a conversation that they HAVE been having all year long...

i'd start with hitting the apex (2013), its a GREAT introduction to the "characters" that does a lot of legwork to contextualize everything. lays the scene for where vale is at coming into his relationship with marc (both personally, wrt to marco simoncelli, and career-wise concerning his flop at ducati), and also how insane marc's whole deal is in general. the second half is. materially a study on what him entering the premiere class did to the sport as a whole. the introductory chapter in many respects

marc marquez: all in. MY introduction and blissfully free online. marc comma in his own words, with all the implications of that. a self-produced documentary where he is giving feedback about the edit of said documentary straight to camera and no less vulnerable because of it which is very marc imo. revealing both intentionally AND unintentionally about his whole deal with injury, vale, and his image.

motogp unlimited. im gonna be real kind of boring. like i would still watch it ! but do it kind of later, once you know the major players so youre automatically more invested. it doesnt really give you more than marc says himself in all in tbh, and i get the sense him and vale were NAWWWT interested in doing more than the bare minimum for it.

marc's rookie doc. free and subtitled on the youtubes. the first half of this is deadass just him wanting to fuck vale so bad while every comment from vale has me saying GIRL. out loud because the foreshadowing would be genuinely shocking if this was fiction. anyways the laguna seca of it all....

next i would hit up PODCASTS ! i think it makes sense after the documentaries, because these are all podcasts that arent strictly about rosquez (even if they are in many ways the main characters lmao) and personally it helps to put faces to lesser known names that might pop up before i listen to a purely audio product and get lost in the soup of sounds. the paddock pass podcast has two retrospective episodes about the 2015 season that are really good at context, oxley bom pod has a fun recent episode on valentino that i love, again just poke around a lil

videos. these guys have never filmed a lot of content together tragically. what i wouldnt give for someone to make them do an escape room. anyways ranch visit HERE (post explaining the ranch visit here). sepang presscon (sowwy) here. vale unhinged podcast interview the month after marc's documentary came out here. vale retirement interview where he gets asked about marc here. vale talking about asking marc to the ranch here. vale postrace at argentina 2018 here. UCCIO postrace at argentina 2018 here. theres a lot moreeeee just go on my blog archive and filter for rosquez and vids its easier lol

journalism. hello. okay so you should genuinely spend some time reading through mat oxley's stuff he can write (theres a paywall but you can run that shit through wayback machine). he also loves an insane comparison which i do enjoy.... again this is one that can be solved by googling his name and tacking on 'marquez' or 'rossi' or a specific time period or race it will probably reap some dividends. in terms of specific ass articles this one is kind of load bearing in terms of sepang and some of the interpersonal competitive tensions at play. that being said there are manyyyyyy crazy interviews and snippents of articles from other journos floating around motogp tumblr (like literally too many to link) adn its fun to dig around to find them, but mat oxley gets a shoutout because i was reading this article TODAY !

other content. honestly one of the best resources I'VE found for plotting out the arc of their relationship is @kingofthering's everyrosquezpodium series. you can REALLY see it play out lol. also her tagging system rules she very neatly lays out years and races... so if something jumps out at you, CLICK ITTTT ! also all of @ricciardoes fave presscon moments series. insane.

all this to say a small little rpf fandom like this rewards some digging! i would just recommend following narrative threads that interest you ! its also a small fanbase that is pretty research oriented, so if youre ever confused about somethin, just shoot an ask or run a search on someone's blog (@kwisatzworld has endless vale resources and @batsplat is one of the most thorough researchers ive ever seen, for example) like for real theres so much... i also have a primer that i made forever ago that has some links on it so you can peruse that if you so wish. but frankly a lot of it is just using those research muscles and being sufficiently deranged enough to be screenshotting reddit threads at one am so you can post them to tumblr because they mentioned marc and vale in the same sentence and that lit up some of the neurons in your brain

(and i know you said outside of races but i think theyre good benchmarks as turning points soooo you should do some diggin on laguna seca 2013, jerez 2015, argentina 2015, ASSEN 2015, sepang 2015 obvi, argentina 2018, and misano 2019. those are the big tentpoles of insane rosquez relationship drama imo. i mean theres many more but. im limiting myself.)

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch - LiTA (Sky/Prapai) 3/3

I'm watching Love in the Air for the first and ONLY time as part of my Pride Petty Watch, so I'm recapping my suffering experience. The previous recaps can be found here, here, here, and here. I made tea from Long Island *wink* and even though I am not mentally prepared for what's about to happen, I'm ready to finish this, so I can have a break from The Whores Horrors™.

*sign of the cross*

If I wasn't so upset at everyone but Sky and Sig, I think I would have really enjoyed the colors and the ways characters' positions showed power dynamics, but here I am, Bird Box-ing my way through the visual rhetoric.

Love really is blind because I feel Sky would stab Prapai if he heard Prapai call him "gentle" but Prapai has proven to not let reality get in the way of his vision.

I will keep repeating that when Prapai is good, he is the best. He is enamored by Sky picking out stationary. He is happy Sky remembered what he likes to eat. He is worried about Sky at school and his health. His flirty banter works in this setting. Everything is perfect (except Sky's shirt which I refuse to show because it got enough screen time without me adding to it).

How about we just stop here? Just like with Rain and Payu's story, this is a clear point that the story could end, and it would make sense, but noooooooo. The story needs TWO kidnappings because unlike telenovelas, apparently one was not suffice.

To think that Don't Say No was a choice for my Pride Petty Watch, but I'm here, suffering for my actions and watching Prapai forget who he slept with from his former roster. It happens to the best of us, 'Pai.

This is an odd comparison, but this is Last Twilight all over again for me. They just told each other how they feel with big declarations, and one hour later it all goes up in flames simply because the narrative demands it without it making any lick of sense.

AND WE ARE BACK IN THE RED!!!! This show gives me no peace and no relief, yet this time was less jolting because I felt it coming, and somehow him crying in the car repeating that it is happening again is more upsetting.

Get in, Slut for Christ! We're going to confessional, so you can pray for the sin of not taking no for an answer in a show full of people not taking no for an answer.

Not to stereotype, but you are wearing a holographic butterfly shirt, my dude, so what in the Lisa Frank bullshit are YOU doing in sex trafficking? You are not allowed on the Pride float this year, and if you dare to step on it, I will push you off of it and make it look like an accident AFTER I take the shirt off your body because you don't deserve nice things.

Prapai, you are better than this. You have displayed a mild sense of awareness regarding Sky, so having Sky breaking down right next to you without you acknowledging his pain is not your fault, but the story's, and I'm getting real salty about the way this plot wants me to like you yet simultaneously does everything to make me hate you. Was MAME fighting with herself when she wrote this?

Perfect example! Prapai has consistently followed up after the party because he knows something is off from Sky's responses, so he immediately questions if HE did something wrong instead of assuming it's Sky. He still sends Sky food. He goes by to check on him once. Then he brings out the burner cellphones.

As much as I complained about this behavior, it makes sense in this situation because it aligns with exactly who Prapai has been shown to be, a stalker (affectionately here, derogatory in previous episodes).

SO WHY WOULD HE BREAK INTO SKY'S APARTMENT AND READ THE JOURNAL?!

It's not even about the *thing* for me. It's about the lack of consistency for the sake of, what? drama? Prapai talked about swindling a key from Joy, so I'm not surprised he made his way into the apartment without Sky's knowledge, but for Prapai to use the key for this doesn't make sense with his previous behavior. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but Prapai has been desperate before and he consistently showed up at Sky's apartment to bother him. He tricked Rain into giving him information. He showed up ON CAMPUS to hound Sky. He sent flowers. Yet he does none of that here. Payu went to Rain's mama's house to hunt that boy down, yet Prapai doesn't get the same treatment. Payu got the opportunity to lock himself in a bathroom stall with Rain and sniff him after making a surprise visit to campus when Rain was avoiding him, yet Prapai must commit a crime to get to "I love you"?

And on that topic, the long break between Prapai stating he no longer liked Sky - while Sky was bursting with tears and started to cry harder - and Prapai saying he loved Sky was unnecessarily long. In fact, it was cruel. And as much as I hate Prapai's aggressive tactics and crass flirting, he has never been intentionally cruel to Sky, so Prapai ignoring Sky repeating "please, stop" again and again only to end with "I love you" doesn't work for me because that "please, stop" will rear its ugly head again when the ex enters the plot. Having Prapai do something very harmful to Sky who slowly crumbled down to the floor begging Prapai to stop, only to end with him doing something very loving and them smiling on the couch is an emotional beatdown that makes telenovelas jealous.

My boy Sig wasn't perfect because he defaulted to telling Sky to cheer up, but he asked the good questions, he let Sky stay with him as he worked through his feelings, he told Sky that Prapai loved him, and he told Sky to cry. He is a saint among cockroaches, and even though I do not believe in the institution of marriage, I would marry this man in a heartbeat and fully commit to the bit.

UNLIKE RAIN WHO IS NOW TRYING TO PROTECT HIS FRIEND AFTER HE WAS THE ONE WHO OFFERED UP SKY'S NUMBER AND APARTMENT KEY! I'm glad the story acknowledged that Rain's stupidity was pivotal to making this ship happen, so I'll acknowledge that both ships shift around yellow and blue as their love story develops.

---Episode 13---

I thought we were past this lighting and coloring, but this is a reminder that I'm in hell.

I completely forgot about the whole "Wipe Down" controversy in this show, and now I am fully judging y'all because out of all the SHIT that has happened in this show, especially in episode 13 so far, this is what y'all was upset about it? This was the battle y'all picked? The hill y'all wanted to die on was this moment? Y'all was mad because we were shown Prapai wiping down his partner as a basic form of care after sex? Prapai who stalks and breaks into apartments? THIS is the behavior of his that got y'all so riled up that you chose to write 2,000-word think pieces on and lower the show's rating on MDL with the long-ass comments?! THIS?! I hope your cardigans always snag, your soup always burns your tongue, and your glasses always have smudges on them because some of y'all do not deserve small joys or everyday whimsy. Shame on you, shame on your ancestors, and shame on your cow.

Prapai is checking that his helmet didn't hurt Sky when he hugged him, and I'm quickly coming around to the fact that "I don't hate you because you're problematic. You're problematic because I hate you the story hates you"

RAIN, NO!

I refuse to show this man's face or any of these scenes, but he is wearing a cross earring and the Sluts for Christ would like the record to state we do not know this man nor claim him, so we will be handling this situation promptly. However, we only need the ear, so if any other members of the delegation need anything specific, please add it to the Gay Agenda, and we will make sure to get those requests fulfilled in a timely manner. Thank you, and have a blessed day.

HE HAS A BRAIN CELL! HE'S GONNA PASS THIS COURSE!

Prapai just yelled at Sky, and I'm not even mad. This is where I'm at in the plot. Prapai ripped out the eyebrow earring, and I'm cheering him on. Payu stopped him, and I pissed. Prapai is rich. He will not go to jail. LET HIM MURDER!!!! He has already committed other criminal offenses, so what is murder to the list?! Mostly murder under these circumstances! THE CHARGES WON'T STICK!

SOMEONE BRING ME TAN SO WE CAN MORTAL KOMBAT THIS SHIT AND FINISH HIM!

"I'll cry for you" - My therapist will be sending you an invoice, LiTA

Chai, I knew I liked you. Your name is "Tea" and as a tea drinker, you have provided me the same level of comfort I get from a nice warm cup of spiced chai and I would also like you in my mouth. I fear you and respect you, so I know the sex will be fire and as the spokesperson for the Sluts for Christ, we have something you want, well . . . pieces of it anyway, so if you would like to exchange numbers, I can share with you any information I know perhaps over drinks . . . or under you. Whichever you prefer. I'm open to suggestions.

And commands.

Oh, thank God, I'm done! I am free. There is no more trauma to witness. Slytherin earned a point and passed the course. I never have to see him or these weather boys ever again!

*special episode pops up*

FUCK!

[blacst4r]

heyyy, so um saw u was doing reqs and i've got one! would you please do a head cannon for yk the bloodline, obviously? but like how they are in a relationship/how they are when ...(you can make up the situation).

no smut involved please, unless ur talkin abt the relationship thing x

please and thank u, btw i ur writing is so mwah, gorgeous. ☆☆

𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥��𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢�� 𝐡𝐜

🔖-Tysm girlie! 💋

𝐉𝐞𝐲

➴ Sentimental and mushy, especially when he's working on the road and away from you. It gets lonely not having the one he loves alongside him as he's traveling. So expect sappy love texts and calls, with him expressing just how much he misses you. When he's making those long drives, he'll call just to hear your voice accompany him.

➴ Easy-going for the most part, with a little bit of a temper that only you're able to calm. He constantly reiterates that you're his peace, about to ease his mind and relax his mood whenever he's bothered. He looks to you for comfort.

➴ So in love with you he proposed after barely a year, as he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

➴ Introduced you to your first traditional samoan tattoo that was done by Mike, as both you and Jey got each others names tatted on each other along with some designs. During the tatting session he was emotional as he shared a big part of himself with his wife. He got a third palm tree with your name on it, as you got one too with his name.

𝐉𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐲

➴ Extremely goofy and light-hearted, it's like dating a sitcom character the way he jokes and plays all day. There's never a dull moment with him, he always keeps you smiling and laughing. It brings him immense joy to see you in good spirits because of his silly actions. It makes for all the better when you're just as playful and goofy, as yall practically have the same personality.

➴ The man is stuck to you like glue, always hugged up on you whether at home or out in public. He swears he just needs that constant physical contact, feeling your body up against his, "baby I need yo warmth."

➴ Aggravates you till no end about having a baby, as he desires one more child. "C'monnn, lemme have you round here barefoot and pregnant."

➴ Matches your freak 1000% 2 freaky frogs who aren't afraid to get it in with even a tinge of privacy. He's turned on by the very sight of you and can't get enough, his sex drive is off the charts. If he's not complimenting your body, he's whispering naughty things in your ear about the various positions he can have you in. If theres an opportunity to get a quickie, yall are taking it.

𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐨

➴ Very attentive, taking in the little details you didn't even think he'd notice about you. He's surprised you with gifts, based on your small interests and hobbies. You have an impressive lego collection thanks to him. He's great observer who knows your likes & dislikes without even having to tell him.

➴ a good listener, but he has to be because you're a certified yapper sometimes, going on and on, still his attention never waivers. He may not add on to the conversation, but he'll ad-lib with a- "mhm, uh-huh, word? damn thats crazy" to let you know he hasn't lost interest. He loves to see you so passionate about whatever topic you're rambling on about, it's cute to him.

➴ Loves to pamper his baby, specifically in foot rubs as you relax with your feet in his lap. His sultry voice serenades you as his firm hands knead in motions, applying pressure to points that'll have you holding back moans.

"You like that baby? How that feel?"

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

➴ Super chill and laid back, just a simple man who lovingly puts up with your energetic ways. Often joking about how hyper you are.

➴ Keeps you well grounded and level-headed, doesn't allow you to stress over anything when your emotions start to get the best of you. He doesn't do arguments, attitudes, or silent treatments. Wanting proper communication of any issues either of you have, but he can get you in check if need be.

➴ a romantic who knows how to set the mood, with dates that see an entire restaurant rented out for the two of you as he likes his privacy.

➴ Dominant figure in and out the bedroom, providing for you in every way, making you feel comfortable in submitting to him. He takes charge and takes the lead as the man of the house, with no complaints from you. And in the bedroom? This man bends and twists your body every which way for hours, leaving nothing to be desired.

🏷️: @trc-punzel @shes2real @cyberdejos2 @whatdoeseverybodywant @venusesworld @thatone-girly @yeaiamme2 @slut4slashersluv @von2dutch @theninthwonder @strqirhrts @romanreignsbae @sayyestoheav3nn

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I feel like the fandom is overlooking Adam.

I mean his power, personality and role is heavily mistaken by most of the fandom.

Power: Alastor is not stronger than Adam, yet people still try to find excuses about this.

“Alastor has a deal with Lilith that limits his powers for the angels!“ (As if they have the script of season 2 or something)

“Alastor mocked/mistook Adam that’s why he lost!” (Mmhm as if Adam didn’t send him to direct death by one shot)

“Nifty took care of him!” (Really?)

These annoy me so much. For people to think that someone who destroyed the whole Hotel with a single shot, is less powerful than Alastor.

Most are Alastor glazers anyway.

Personality/The trauma he went through: Even though maybe the show is going to take a different turn, Vivzie can’t deny this plot anymore. Lucifer ruined Adam’s life. Lucifer is not a saint. Yet, the fandom views Adam as if he is just evil for evil’s sake.

And I’m just stating the things we saw in the actual show, I’m not even talking about the trauma Lilith, and Abel and Cain situation gave him.

Role: Adam has… Too much potential to only be left as a “Jackass season 1 antagonist” Yet most of the fandom wants to see him like this.

His redemption arc would be nice to see, since we know Vivzie is planning to have 5-6 seasons this could be a good plotline.

Sorry for the little rant.

I agree. Because he's the bad guy people dismiss his.

He almost KILLED Alastor in a fight that didn't last very long. And yeah Alastor selling his soul to Lilith for power is a good theory but until the second season comes out it's just that a theory.

Adam was the first human soul into heaven so he would be the strongest one they got. Ten thousand years is a long time to get good at using your powers. And yeah he cut the hotel in half like it was a slice of cake.

Nifty took care of him....... Bitch snuck up behind him and got lucky. I guarantee that if Adam knew she was there, she'd be the one to have died.

Yeah Lucifer did ruin Adam's life and doomed humanity in one fell swoop. You can't deny that. Adam in Eden was made with Innocence and purity, I doubt very much he was an asshole back then but the book of Hell is made to make it look that way.

The trauma from everything that came after the betrayal and the apple, yeah you'd probably become a bitter person too.

There is SO much potential for Adam to come back on later seasons to get redeemed and have an actual character arc but I think it's like I've said before he was a one and done villain his purpose is done, so long see you never.

It's a waste if they don't bring him back but they likely won't.

It would make a great plot line especially if he came to care for the people at the hotel like family and saw the error in his ways.

It's okay! I had a rant of my own lol

[buuuuuuuu3]

I think that what makes me so frustrated about Tashi being called a villain is that people act like Art and Patrick are somehow this great victims of Tashi and I understand that her actions do not have the best light, but you have to also understand that her bluntness hasn’t dramatically change with the years, she was like this as a teenager.

There’s a parallel between how the characteristics of Patrick have also perpetuated in time, he’s still flirty, childish, jealous and clearly looking for validation but this are traits that are celebrated as part of his character. Tashi being a person who is driven, harsh, perfectionist and that is actually pushy with the people she loves are seen as bad traits.

Both Art and Patrick are aware of who she is and the role she plays in both of their respective relationships.

Patrick has this desire for validation that doesn’t make it easy for others to point out his flaws, he wasn’t doing his best for the career that he wanted (we see that clearly in the current timeline), she pointed it out, he saw her pointing something like that out with the jealousy and insecurity that knowing, what she was doing with her career was clearly getting more success than his strategy, gave him.

Art could make peace with that, he wanted her as his coach and as a wife. Was very much in love with her even with her being harsh and blunt and manipulative. And clearly wanted to still be with her even after not needing the push that she 100% gave him in tennis. He wasn’t in love with tennis anymore, he clearly still loved his wife, he was hurt because leaving the sport would hurt her because he knew what tennis meant in this womans life.

Oh she told him she would leave him if he lose the match, and she was crying about it, pleading with this dude to let her husband win. Oh but she fucked Patrick, I understand that is wrong, I understand that has no excuse. But tell me YOU wouldn’t excuse it if instead of Tashi fucking Patrick was Art getting on that car. Tell me you wouldn’t seen thousand of posts praising it. Say that to me with your whole chest!

Even if you don’t like her or don’t think she’s been a good partner, how is she stopping Patrick and Art from getting together? Patrick is clearly open to destroying a marriage and the feelings are clearly there but somehow she is the problem, she is the reason why they are not together and in love?

Give me a break!

[angelinthefire]

There is a “would Dean kill Cas to save Sam” poll going round I think you’d find interesting and which compelled me to unleash thoughts at you. I often wonder why fandom (both hellers and bronlies) ignores the fascinating examples in canon where Dean’s “Sam before anything else” ideology is threatened by Castiel. the BEST example of this is when Cas premeditatedly and with full agency breaks Sam’s wall as collateral damage — and Dean forgives him in the blink of an eye! If that were anyone else who’d done that to Sam they would be a dead man. Yes Dean was mad about it, yet the next season (BEFORE Cas redeems himself by taking on Sam’s hell trauma) Dean literally tells Cas “you were doing the best you could” (girl…).

Other key examples: Dean staying in Purgatory for an additional year to find Cas (rather than prioritising going back to find Sam, and this is after Cas broke Sam’s brain mind you); deciding to basically kill himself in s13 after Cas has died (despite Sam being alive and well); telling Chuck he’s wiling to kill Sam if it’ll bring Cas back. If the Bronly tenet that all Dean needs to be happy is Sam then hell, why does Dean beg Sam to let him die in the series finale.

I will note that Dean kicking Cas out of the bunker in s9 is thrown around constantly but there was literally a gun to Sam’s head at that point. Dean was tormented about it and still snuck off to see Cas although it may have been unwise in that situation.

Also interesting to note that Sam isn’t the only one; Castiel has also served as a threat to Dean’s other representations of family. in s6 Cas ~betrays Dean by colluding with Crowley, who kidnaps Lisa and Ben, which eventually leads to Dean deciding to memory wipe Lisa. In s14 Dean literally *blames Cas in part for Mary’s death*! And yet still forgives him?? (As s13 showed, Dean can live better without Mary than he can without Cas.) This is really intriguing/toxic element of Destiel that is hardly explored in fandom, which is that Dean associates Cas with danger to the rest of his family/his role as protector of his family and therefore his relationship with him is a weakness that he will regret. Add to the fact that Cas has proven time and again to not be a safe/reliable object of affection (see above examples, and also repeatedly leaving/dying) and it’s very plain why Dean would have reason to fear/suppress/compartmentalise romantic feelings between them — because they would be an even greater source of pain.

Curious to get your thoughts on this!!

Thank you for the message!

Regarding the first point: I think there's a fairly typical thing going on of fan simplifying characters and their motivations. Does Dean love and care about Sam? Yes. Was Dean's duty to Sam something that was drilled into him as something that he had no choice over? And something that was reinforced through their forced isolation from the rest of society? Also yes. So what happens when Dean has someone that he has grown to love on his own terms? And who he never has to worry about alienating, someone who could actually be part of his life? Something very interesting!

I looooove the s6/7 example so much, because Dean really isn't ever angry at Cas for hurting Sam, he's angry at Cas for not listening to him. And even then, not really - his anger at Cas in 7x01 is much more something that Dean is using as a sheild, something to cover his own hurt, than anything else. And then the second it looks like Cas is going to turn around and come back to him, all that anger evaporates.

s8 was soooo vindicating as well when it aired, because all summer the bronlies were like, "Dean's motivation in Purgatory will be that he's trying to get back to Sam!" And then it WASN'T. This is another thing too, that bronlies will try to make it out like Sam is the only one that Dean will go to extreme lengths for, that Dean isn't a *generally* nurturing type of person who *wants* a bigger family and to not be so socially isolated. But throughout the entire show, Dean is constantly drawing people around himself. And we do see how Dean is willing to go to great lengths for Cas. Of course, a lot of the time, Dean is convinced that he's powerless to do anything when it comes to saving Cas, but Purgatory was one time when he wasn't, and we see what happens.

(And the thing is I do get where the bronlies are coming from in their understanding of the show, in an abstract sense. Like objectively, if someone were to tell me that there's a story about two brothers, that only have eachother against the world, and they have a super-intense relationship, and all they care about is each other and fighting monsters, and there's a dark, gothic vibe to it, I could see why someone would be into that. Like it's not my jam, but abstractly, I see it. But the thing is, that reading of the show does not hold up to contact with canon - and none of them want to admit that.)

The series finale is so weird when you think about it. Because bronlies hold it up as a win. But it is Dean taken down to a place where all he has is Sam and hunting, and then deciding that he has nothing to live for.

s9 was just a mess. Kicking Cas out of the bunker was so contrived. And then what everyone forgets is how incredibly happy and jazzed Dean was when he thought Cas was going to be living with them. The thing I'm most bitter about is that they couldn't have given us at least one episode of Dean and Cas being absolutely goofy happy around each other before constructing a situation to get Cas out of the picture.

Your last paragraph is interesting, and something to think about. The way I see it, is that Cas has entered a special tier of relationships with Dean, where Dean will hold on to him no matter what. I don't think Lisa and Ben are a good example for your point, actually, because I think Dean blames himself for what happened to them more than anyone else, which is reflected in his final interaction with them when he says he hit them with his car and is happy they can go on with their lives (or something of that nature, I forget).

Mary's death is interesting though. The only thing comparable to something like that happening before is when Dean blames Sam for Charlie's death (and what Dean says to Sam - "I think it should be you on that pyre instead of her" - is actually way more harsh than what Dean says to Cas). But Dean does forgive Sam, and he does forgive Cas - again, they're on a special tier, where Dean values them no matter what. And you see that throughout the divorce arc, where Dean keeps checking in on Cas and showing concern for him, in spite of how he feels at the moment - like he knows througout that the rift him and Cas are going through isn't going to last forever.

I think all of Dean's closest relationships are toxic, just as a result of the way he was raised and the kind of life he leads. With Sam, John, Mary, Jack, and Cas. The relationships that aren't toxic are the ones where they aren't physically around each other that much (like Charlie), or with Bobby, who has the level of experience to not get caught up in bullshit. With all of them, the death toll doesn't really matter (like Mary endangered Cas too, and Dean forgave her). Dean just tends to not let go of the people around him.

I think a big barrier for Dean and Cas is actually neither of them having any kind of reference model for what they are to one another. All of Dean's romantic relationships have been filled with secrets, and the knowledge that his partner cannot share his life with him. Dean calls Cas his "brother" in s6 and s11, because to him, that's the closest you can be to someone. That changes to "best friend", which is better, because it doesn't have the same connotation of obligation and responsibility - your best friend is someone you actually like being around. And it's a title that is uniquely Castiel's.

And in general he has trouble categorizing Castiel. Like he keeps trying to put Cas in human boxes that he doesn't actually fit within. He repeatedly indicates that he thinks of Cas as just a guy, and then Cas acts in ways that defy that category.

So yeah, I guess I don't really think that Dean sees Cas as unsafe. It's more that Dean just isn't thinking of romantic relationships as a possibility for himself. And he doesn't quite know how to categorize what he and Cas are to each other (and the fact that Cas is a dude may or may not play into that, depending on how much you think Dean grapples with internalized homophobia). And they're both generally fucked up.

It's an interesting idea, though, that Dean sees Cas as a danger, that I'd be interested in seeing explored more in posts or fic.

[spicymotte]

How fandom culture killed my creativity

hi. I have some thoughts about my time in a huge fandom and how it changed me:

First of all, I would like to say that these are my personal experiences in a large anime fandom. I have made very good friends with whom I am still in contact today - and I was exposed to a kind of brain rot that has changed the way I deal with art forever. However, this does not apply to every fandom/every person.

this - essay? - is way longer than I thought it would be. More under the cut:

In 2020, after a long break, I was able to get excited about One Piece again. Until then, I had always considered art important to me and I had never been able to do it professionally. (maybe someday...!)

The One Piece fandom is huge. There are now over 1000 manga chapters and anime episodes, which is gigantic; and the fandom itself is just as huge: millions of fans love this manga/anime and exchange ideas about it on the internet. I was previously very limited to tumblr, but then I ventured into OPtwt, the One Piece community on Twitter. There is a lot of fan art, fan fiction and small cliques that like the same character. There is something for everyone. It was great! I had a hyperfixation phase on OP before, in 2017. Now it came back - so violently that I realized very quickly that I could hardly think of anything else but One Piece.

Hyperfixations involve two major factors: an intense obsession with a character (or theme/media/whatever), which often brings with it a bottomless well of inspiration and motivation for artists – and a strange influence on brain chemistry. Neurodivergent people are prone to difficulties with the release of happiness and rewarding hormones anyway, and even though I am in no way qualified to make grand statements, as a person living with AuDHD, hyperfixations are both a blessing and a curse.

Often, the neurodivergent niches in the fandom communities are very lively. On extremely interactive social media like Twitter, TikTok and Instagram, you are flooded with posts of fan art, discussions and also escalation. It quickly becomes stressful for the brain to keep up with it - especially if you manage to accumulate a large number of followers. (also a blessing and a curse!)

I started posting fanart and OC x canon in 2020. I spent most of the last three years on Twitter and I have to say that it set me back in some ways. At first, I was slow to get to know people through fanart, but then I got to know people very quickly: fellow artists that I am still good friends with today and, unfortunately, people who have also succumbed to an incredible, destructive brainrot. I had chosen a character (or rather, my brain did) who plays almost no role in One Piece. All the better, so I pretty much had him to myself and I could do whatever I wanted. The OC x canon community is generally very friendly and respectful, so I found quite a few people who liked what I drew. Cool!

And then it started. With fanart and a small fan club for my OCs, I got more followers and more likes. More retweets and comments, more notifications. The algorithm started to like me and the growth increased steadily. My fandom (OP) account grew, as did my reach.

I checked Twitter more and more. Every free second I took my smartphone in my hand and checked my notifications. I reloaded the page until I had a new notification. I repeated this on Instagram and tumblr. Sometimes I catch myself doing it today, even though I haven't been active in this fandom for over a year!

Likes were good, retweets better. Every notification of an interaction with my art was a push on the feel-good button in my brain. It's very addictive, even if I talked myself out of it at first. The pandemic was at its peak and the internet was the only way to meet friends anyway. All this shit was fast food for my brain.

Then I started drawing fanarts, even though I didn't feel like it. But the likes had to come from somewhere, didn't they? I drew favorites from manga, characters that I didn't even like that much myself. But they were popular, so that promised likes and reach! Every single day, really every day, I drew fanarts. I was disappointed with myself if I didn't.

As of today, my two One Piece art folders have 80GB of data in it! what the fuck!! That's not normal!

I learned a lot during that time and was able to develop my art. I was able to participate in projects, to draw for several zines and also had a lot of fun – but I treated it like a job. Making fan art your job is very difficult – and has a lot of consequences. If you run a merch shop (as I did for a short time), you always have to follow the hype and draw what's in style. You switch fandoms because the hype has just burned out and the next new thing is already in style. If you're one of the first to offer keychains and stickers - or plushies - you make the big money. That brings profit, but in my opinion you can very quickly step on the wrong foot in this jumping around and slip into burnout. (Or stagnate to such an extent that you lose all motivation to refine your artistic skills and become better at your craft.)

I see friends of mine, many of them, who are trying to live off of fandom merch. They all have one thing in common: their skills in art have remained absolutely the same over the past few years or have even declined. If you have to churn out a new batch of merchandise every week, you have to cut corners. There is no time for experiments and crazy studies when you can hardly live and have to produce merch/fan art that sells 100% well.

I don't mean to offend anyone - it's just that I've been thinking a lot about my own setbacks as an artist since I've been dealing with them so intimately. And I've definitely made some setbacks!

In 2021-2023, fandom life continued and got worse and worse. Checking my smartphone, drawing something every day to post it - just so that the algorithm doesn't sort me out. Posting daily is the number one rule on all Social Media, unfortunately. But I did it, no matter how burned out I felt.

And then there were the dramas on Twitter: internet puritans, antis and proshippers were screaming at each other and tearing each other to shreds (a trap I almost fell into myself! anti and pro are the biggest bullshit ever and I'm lucky enough to have reached a point where I can say: I don't give a shit lol). Callout posts, vague tweeting and aggression instead of simply blocking and moving on. Harassment that I myself experienced: I blocked a few people because I found them strange and unpleasant. They posted explicit things that I did not want to see on my timeline. This triggered a wave of harassment that was simply disgusting. These are people who hate their own lives so much that they can't do anything but feel miserable and stalk strangers online. Admittedly, this made me paranoid: a group of people had chosen me as a target. They passed around screenshots of many of my tweets and made fun of me, copying and stealing my art 1:1. They lied and cheated to make me look like an asshole – and this went on for years. It made me paranoid and was the first step away from fandoms, as it escalated more and more.

So, I was successfully bullied out of the fandom and my hyperfixation was over. It left a terrible void that I am still trying to fill today. Neurodivergence sucks, I'll tell you.

That's when I honestly asked myself for the first time: What the fuck am I doing here? When did I become a content machine for strangers on the internet? Why the hell do I feel so bad when I don't draw for a day? And why do I care what strangers think about me?!

Then I realized that I can't draw anymore.

Without references or the 3D models from Clip Studio Paint, I'm lost. When I try to draw something without any help, I sit in front of an empty canvas. My hands don't do what they're supposed to do and my brain blocks the thought of how drawing even works. My eyes only see the mistakes I make. Everything I draw looks bad to me.

I realized I have a problem.

So I try again and learn it all again from scratch: Anatomy, perspective, color theory, everything. But every time I sit down and try to put something on paper, there's nothing there. I've been drawing things every day for the last four years. Now my hyperfixation on this character and this manga is over and there's nothing left. I've been burning the candle at both ends and I've broken something in the process. Art is no longer something I enjoy. I need art to live and breathe, no doubt, but… the barrel now has a bottom again and it's empty to the last drop.

The little motivation I can muster goes into my webcomic, which is my everything. It's just mine, not a fandom. I feel honored that so many people read this comic. At the same time, I'm afraid that it's not enough; in my eyes, my art doesn't look good. Being surrounded by perfect illustrations on social media all day long distorts one's own perception of art, like the beauty industry that gives you body dysmorphia. On top of that, I haven't had any financial success with my comics in recent years, none at all. The dream of being an independent comic artist has receded so far into the distance that I can no longer see it. Bummer.

The constant stream of content that I gave during my fandom days has set me back incredibly. I can no longer enjoy the process of art, but my brain constantly pushes me to finish it, to have a finished product - because then I can post the drawing and get the virtual handshake that my weird brain likes so much.

Social media detox, of course, is the first thing that comes to mind. It's actually bullshit that we're all so addicted to these apps, but here we are. It's uncomfortable for me to admit, but I have hardly any friends in real life. I'm very introverted and many people find my autism very unpleasant (I can't blame them, I often come across as rude), so I only have 1-2 friends. I would like to have more friends, but maintaining social contact is terribly exhausting. It's hard enough to reply to my mutuals in the DMs (sorryyyyy if I forget sometimes………).

And what if I just take a break for a while and don't draw so much? Recharge my batteries? Right now I'm taking a 6-week break, partly because my jaw surgery is coming up soon. I'll be sick anyway, so why not put the webcomic on hiatus and take a break for a while? I don't know if it will work out, but I have a hunch that it won't, because I always have the fast-paced internet in the back of my mind. How can I be a freelancer if I don't do fanart? How can I make money with it to help my partner, who is currently financing our lives, financially? How can I, as a disabled person, find a job that I can do and at the same time build my career as an artist? As an independent comic artist, I have to do the job of so many people (artist, author, manager, taxes, work organization), how am I supposed to do that?

I have no answers to these questions. Original works don't go nearly as well as fanart! So you have to work ten times as hard and play by the vague rules of the algorithms, which is exhausting enough. Nowadays, you can only be lucky and ride the viral wave if it falls into your lap.

But reflecting on my time in a huge fandom has made me realize that I was going down a very wrong path and am now experiencing the consequences. I'm completely burnt out and no longer know why I'm even making art anymore. I don't know if I want to make art much longer. (I think shit-life-syndrome plays a big role here, but not exclusively.)

As I said, I don't have any answers - but I would at least like to warn those who are having difficulties with distancing themselves from the internet and are quickly losing themselves in this maelstrom of social media.

I have since deleted Twitter from my smartphone and, fortunately, have hardly ever used TikTok (dodged a bullet there!). I try to get back into traditional art and get away from my computer. I am all the more grateful to the people, my community, so to speak, who do nonsense with me on tumblr. They read my comics and are extremely nice to me, which I really appreciate. Thank you!

I don't know yet if and how it will continue, but I would like to finish Berserkir in the next few years. I'd love to find a way to finish all the short comics I want to make, even though it's just me and not a whole team. Maybe I'll find a way, maybe I don't. Anyways, thanks for sticking around!

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/751850618128400385/ok-as-someone-who-doesnt-read-ya-but-did-some?source=share

The most baffling part about this novel's backstory is that the author is only one generation removed from China, spent her entire childhood listening to her grandfather telling her these stories, and yet she still didn't research a single thing about Unit 731 for years.

This is truly incomprehensible behavior. How do you spend a huge chunk of your life listening to your grandfather telling you nightmarish stories that sounds way too close to reality, and not for a second you think that they might be true? And how do you not get curious and at least Google what some words are?

Maybe I'm mean, but you cannot convince me that she knew what Unit 731 was before she wrote the book, and didn't care to look until she received backlash over using it as a way to advertise the story.

This would explain why all her early promotion of the story kept saying "technologically advanced Roman Empire," and why the Antony character looks like he's of European descent.

https://www.instagram.com/p/ClG-q0vqTkY/

https://www.instagram.com/p/C2uabzWLVEL/?img_index=1

Also, peep the "slow burn villain love interest" she used to sprinkle everywhere until people started branding her novel as colonizer romance.

This whole book, its marketing, and its author are an honestly awful mess (and before people try to @ me, yes, I did try to read the book, and I dropped after two chapters because it was genuinely not well written.)

--

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses.

It's extremely common for people to just accept something they hear often and not look into it further. Look at my daily activity page notes of yet another person going "Holy shit! Of course it's from A Room of One's Own. How did I not notice?!"

We don't know exactly what grandpa's stories sounded like. Weren't they described as "ghost stories" somewhere? There's no reason to think they sounded close to reality. Did he use the actual words "Unit 731"? How do you know he included anything obvious she could have researched long ago during her childhood?

Yes, at some point, she did find out, and maybe she could have handled things around the book better, but I think you've got some leaps of logic here.

[renthony]

🏳️‍🌈

My beloved wife @natalieironside wrote a book titled The Last Girl Scout, which features a kickass cast of queer characters and stars a pair of trans lesbians who fight both zombies and nazis. Natalie's own promo post is here!

You can buy a copy via Amazon, and this is the official plot summary:

The past lies like a nightmare over the world. Two hundred years after the War when atomic fire rained from the skies and burned the world to cinders, human civilization has had time to rebuild within the burned-out husk of Old America.  But the old terrors of the past still persist, and while some work to build a better world, others still dream of reclaiming the glory of the Old World. In southern Appalachia, political commissar Magnolia Blackadder is sent on a mission into the irradiated Exclusion Zone of Old DC, where an evil that humanity thought it had vanquished centuries ago is waking up and rebuilding its strength.  Along the way, she meets a strange woman with terrible secrets and an unspeakable past, and as they forge a bond and brave the terrors of the wasteland together, she learns that some demons are not so easily exorcised, and that some stones are better left unturned. In this her debut novel, award-winning author Natalie Ironside delivers a new vision of the post-apocalypse, a tale of adventure, terror, love, and that most basic and most powerful of all human desires:  Freedom. 

Obviously I love it because my wife made it, but outside of that, this book is genuinely one of my favorites. I'm so glad she shared it with the world, because it makes me feel better when I start feeling overwhelmed about all the bad shit out there.

In The Last Girl Scout, there are still queer people meeting, building relationships both romantic and platonic, and supporting each other even when the world is on fire. People make fucked up bad decisions but receive support after they choose to do better and commit to healing the harm they've done. Parents support their trans kids. The power of gay love brings renewal and hope. I think we need more stories like that in the world.

Also, there's a gay vampire DILF.

Drop a 🏳️‍���� in my inbox and I'll respond with a queer media recommendation!

[perfectlypreservedpie]

MacCready Fanfiction Recs (Fallout 4)

hey everybody, nobody asked for this but in the midst of writing fallout fanfic I was feeling a special kind of love for my favorite fo4 fanfics and wanted to recommend them in case you hadn't read 'em. Because they are VERY GOOD and writing fanfic is hard, so you gotta give props to those who sweat for your comfort fics.

I'm gonna recommend my top three finished fanfics, and then two more bonus fics that are being updated rn. As a clarifier, these are all Maccready fallout 4 fics. so. keep that in mind.

im tagging the authors and also anybody who wants to join and share their favorites too!

3. THE FATHER(S) AND THE SON(S) on ao3 by @sirmanmister

I'm going to preface this rec by saying this: there is Fanon MacCready. There is canon MacCready. And then there is ascended!whatBethesdawishesitWAS MacCready, which exists solely in this fanfiction. The characterization of Mac is so well written. He is snarky, he is vulnerable. He desperately wants to grow up but doesn't know how. He has the most sick character arc in this story!!!

It's not a romance but instead a coming of age story where the sole survivor becomes a de-facto parent to Mac. The heart of the story is about how to raise a child while you're still trying to grow up yourself. The apocalypse setting lends itself well because the Wasteland is a place where NOTHING is beautiful, but the way that M!Sosu and MacCready care for their sons is beautiful. Which makes it special and worth fighting for.

As a fun fact, I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy for class a week after finishing this fic and I was thinking about this fic the whole time because the themes of fatherhood during an apocalypse hit a lot of the same beats. Maybe my professor would kick me in the teeth by comparing fic to McCarthy, but @sirmanmister YOU ARE MY CORMAC MCCARTHY <3

2. WORKING CLASS HERO on ao3 by @bluegrasskitty

This is the kind of fic you take with you to toilet, to work, in-between classes. It will suck you in. AND THERE'S A SEQUEL TOO YOU GUYS‼️

The sole survivor in this story is the model for the Nuka Cola girl. You know the hot lady in the spacesuit? SHE HAS A BACKSTORY. AND YALL IT MADE ME WEEP. During some point of the story, I sort of stopped rooting for MacCready to be the narrator and just wanted Nora Cabot to take the reins. When I tell you I think of this oc every two to three business weeks. She's an incredible leading lady. I can't look at Nuka Girl posters in the game without thinking of Nora Cabot, my beloved.

the sequel IS SO FIRE. It's the best reimagining of 'what happened after the institute blew up' that I've ever read. im gnawing at the bars of my enclosure actually.

A VERY GOOD PLOT TWIST I CANNOT MENTION TO NEW READERS BUT IF YOU'VE READ IT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND. AND IF YOU UNDERSTAND DM ME I HAVE TO TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT IT. HHh.

The amount of world building that @bluegrasskitty puts into this story is insane. They ARE Beth Esda.

As a fun fact, I didn't know that radchickens were canon in fallout. I thought it was a plot device made up by this author to excuse the ability to make cake in this book, but radchickens ARE real. When I was playing Far Harbor last year, I found radchickens and thought that @bluegrasskitty manifested them into existence because they had that kind of power.

that being said, I still think this author has that kind of power.

1. Atom Bomb Baby on ao3 by @starlightwrites

I think you dropped something....my jaw.

fellas. fellas. this is my comfort fic. You ever had a comfort fic? Something you come back to at least once a year to reread to feel something? the fiction equivalent of chicken noodle soup? this is what Atom Bomb Baby is to me. this is peak literature actually. if I ever figure out book binding, im doing this one first.

Plot wise, it's a retelling of Fallout 4's main story through the perspective of MacCready. But (and im wheezing as I say this) it's also so much more THAN THAT.

this fic author understands that MacCready is not a womanizer but is in fact a touch starved loser. and they are CORRECT.

MacCready spends the entire fic like 'uuuhhhh I dunno about this one, boss!'

ITS BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS RAHHHHHH

it also has a nostalgia feel to me too, because reading it gives me the same feeling as what it was like to play the game for the first time, years ago. maybe it's because I've read it so many times over the years, but reading it feels so satisfying.

The author spends 10 chapters at the end solely dedicated to an epilogue. I wish more stories did this. They go through the wringer in this story, and it's so deeply satisfying to see how cleanly everything gets wrapped up. MacCready and the Lola work really well together as a couple, so it's awesome to see how they work together after the battle is done.

6 out of 5 stars.

BONUS FICS !! aka fics that are still updating! I squeal with joy when I get an ao3 email about these: 1. Best Laid Plans on ao3 by @druidgroves - Georgia Tate is an incredible character and sole survivor! She was a teacher prewar, so it's really fun to get her perspective on the world. She cares a lot about education and libraries and I find her really relatable and endearing. It's a cool thing for a character in an apocalypse to care about! It also makes for fun tension with Mac, who's written as a pragmatic survivor. A great take on familiar characters and their dynamics. - And It's a great slow burn! I'm really enjoying reading it. 2. Long Time Running on ao3 by @twosides--samecoin - If you've ever thought that Med-Tek was too convenient an option for Duncan's cure, this fic was written with you in mind. - RJ goes to Canada and im obsessed with it. - If you're interested in fallout lore, specifically the bit where the U.S annexed Canada and wished that there was more info about that, I would highly recommend this fic. Twosides--samecoin put in THE WORK. The world building they do to explain Canada's side of the Great War is so fun!!! its genuinely such a thrill to read!

I'm tagging the authors who I mentioned, if you all have favorite fics (fallout or otherwise, I'd love to hear em!) Thank you for making good art!