#years and years of trying to see what exactly ppl expect of me and what's broken in me that i can't make friends and it's just

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

well I'll be. there is Obito trash talk happening on my FE dash. -holds hand over heart and makes the most disgusted, offended Lorenz sound, you probably know the sound-

[saintblk]

*ೃ— INDULGENCE | ROY HARPER + KALDUR’AHM

warnings: foul language, drug and alcohol use, mfm intercourse, dubcon (reader is drunk + nonconsensual creampie), threesome, p in v, double penetration, manipulation of you squint, unprotected sex (use protection pls!), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, use of pet names (all gender neutral), roy x kaldur (established relationship), college au — gender neutral afab reader, considered to be black + thick

word count: 3.9k

note: RAH ITS FINALLY OUT. i been wanting to finish this for sooooo long:0 if there are any pronouns please don’t hesitate to let me know ! i proofread like three times but there is a chance that i may have missed something. lmk what you think! i might do a poly drabble/series if ppl really like it🙈i think this was more for me than anyone else but enjoy;3

had to repost cause it wouldn't show up in tags the first time:(

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT

YOU WERE OUT of your element — that much you knew. in your three and a half years of college, never had you been invited to a frat party and it seemed convincing yourself you weren’t missing out on much finally paid off. because you truly could not see the appeal of the environment before you. it was hot–no, humid. the entire house stunk of sweat, alcohol, weed, and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. the air was charged with hormones and filled with so much smoke you weren’t sure how there was enough oxygen. not to mention, the amount of times you nearly threw caution to the wind to fight the third guy who used the tight space as a reason to grope you.

it had to be a lie when people talked about how fun and crazy a party was. a ruse to rope other people in to make a big house feel like a small, stuffy room. the reason for your attendance that night and your very best friend was donning a screwface that went quite well with her dark red dress as her gaze stayed attached to the man who’d invited her. he had one hand wrapped around a bottle of beer, and the other around the neck of the girl he was sucking face with.

“i told you, he’s not serious about you.” you tried to reason with her over the loud music. “let’s just split and you can forget about him-”

“fuck that. i’m gonna stay and show him exactly what he’s missing out on,” she decided before eyeing the crowd of people. “you can chill, grab a drink or something.”

rolling your eyes, you make your way to the drink table and find mini bottles of tequila. packing several of the untouched bottles into your shoulder bag, you make your way to the more quiet, mellow staircase. finals had just ended; a reason for this raucous soiree, though you much rather spend the night and every night over the summer break locked up in your room, binging trash reality tv shows. you supposed you couldn’t expect everyone to be like you, to not want to spend their night trying to get around multiple people all standing in the same hot room, acting on impulsive desires and liquid courage.

you blew a raspberry and scanned the room once again, catching sight of your friend grinding on a man you hadn’t seen before, and you were sure she hadn’t either. certain you were going to have to keep an eye on her so she didn’t get into anything potentially dangerous, you leaned your head against the nearest wall and got comfortable. eventually, you’re joined by a couple who decided the steps behind you were as good as the privacy of a bedroom. you could hear the man whispering empty promises to his female companion. how he was serious about her and only her, with each one of her complaints shushed so he could continue his inebriated ramblings. after downing three shots and placing the empty bottles on the floor beside you, escape came in the form of the 6’3 hunk who happened to be in your poli-sci class. kaldur’ahm smiled warmly at you, taking note of the exhausted look on your face.

“are you enjoying yourself?” he asks anyway, standing in front of you so as to not block the staircase.

with a scoff, you look down at your perfectly manicured toes in a pair of heels you couldn’t help but think were being wasted on this event. it wasn’t as though you could ever look kaldur in the eyes anyway. kind soul that he was, he still managed to intimidate you with his build and height, and the only time you could appreciate his god-given looks were from afar when he wasn’t looking at you.

“i’d literally rather be anywhere else…” you drawl while fishing another nip of tequila out of your bag.

though you can’t see it, too busy avoiding his gaze, he feels bad. despite living in the very house, he could never really keep his friends from throwing insanely wild parties that always ran too long.

“would you like to join me upstairs? roy thinks it’s quieter there but i don’t think there’s a difference.”

a smile comes over your face, and without meaning to, you let your eyes flick up towards his. when he offers his hand you don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t take it until you catch sight of your friend, pressed up against the guy she was so ready to swear off not even an hour earlier. you open your mouth to argue that you should keep an eye on her only for her attention to shift for a moment towards you. the thumbs up she gives you is encouragement enough, and you keep yourself from rolling your eyes when you place your hand in kaldur’s.

he guides you through the bodies littered up the staircase and standing around the rooms none of the guests were allowed to go in. his skin is warm and surprisingly soft and you inwardly swoon when he squeezes your hand. you find that the once booming music becomes a low thump on the walls, matching the bass when he leads you into his room. still loud, but not enough to egg on the headache plaguing you. sure enough, roy greets you with one of his lopsided smirks while he busies himself with rolling a fat blunt. the involuntarily bashful smile you respond with reminds him of the reason why you’re really there and why kaldur had gone downstairs in the first place.

“hey pretty,” he greets with a quick once over of your figure. “you look like you been drinkin’.”

you shake your head and fiddle with your fingers, anxious under his gaze while he lights his blunt. “m-mm, i’m fine.”

“do you have to smoke in here?” kaldur griped as he approached the redhead.

“what, you gonna be mean to me in front of company?” roy shot back smoothly. “i’ll even let you take the first hit since you clearly need to relax.”

kaldur waves him off and bats away the hand that reaches towards his waist as he walks towards the couch on the other end of the room. you take the seat beside him and take out your phone to let your friend know where you are and to call when she’s ready to leave.

“be careful,” you hear roy warn. “kal gets pouty when he’s tired.”

“i’m not tired and i don’t get pouty,” he bites out much to your amusement.

“no? you weren’t just being fussy about wanting me to get ready for bed?”

fed up, kaldur simply sinks in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest. while thinking about how adorable their dynamic was, you notice roy’s gaze lingering on you again. it was no secret that he was just as attractive as kaldur and when the fact began dawning on you is when you began reconsidering your presence in their bedroom.

“you don’t look too happy yourself.” he gets up and plops down on the other side of you. “what’s got you down, sugar?”

your lips twist as you recount your night up until then. somehow, you suppose under the influence of alcohol, you don’t seem to notice or care how close the two men have gotten. roy’s arm found its way on the back of the couch and kaldur was sitting close enough for his knees to be knocking against your own. the cannabis from roy and the sweet vanilla just barely filling your nose from kaldur give you a heady feeling, the mixture of their scents nearly as intoxicating as the liquor in your system. somehow it’s just as hot as it was downstairs and your heart is starting to thump erratically in your chest.

“your friend is an asshole-”

“don’t say that.” you chide just before emptying another bottle. “she just really likes this guy.”

“she abandoned you,” kaldur joins.

at the thought, your shoulders slump and your eyes get just a little glazed. with a maudlin mind, you can’t help but consider their words ringing true. did she really care about you? about the fact that you were extremely uncomfortable at parties? social butterfly that she was, couldn’t she have taken one of her other, far outgoing friends? you sniffle a little, overemotional and perhaps a lot more drunk than you thought you were. but they’re both there to place strong hands on your thighs in consolation; squeezing and rubbing maybe a little too close to your hips, you’re too far gone to care. perhaps part of you knew what they were up to, how sleazy they both really were. but to have been wanted by two very hot guys at the same time was a bit uplifting in the moment. you turn to roy first who moves your braids back over your shoulder.

“y’know, we can make you feel better.” he husks and caresses your cheek.

you can feel kaldur’s breath fanning against your ear now as he hums an agreement. it sends goosebumps down your arms and an insatiable fire up your spine. a soft, breathy moan slips past you, encouraging him to press his lips against your throat and draw out more of your saccharine sounds. the upturn of roy’s lips against the corner of your own is what makes you close your eyes in anticipation. your eyebrows are furrowed and your hand is clutching desperately to his shirt, he’s sure there’ll be strains and wrinkles on the fabric. but he thinks it’s all worth it to see you practically on the edge of tears for a single kiss. when he finally does kiss you, it’s a quick, soft peck that forces a whine to erupt from you.

kaldur rolls his eyes at the sight, “stop toying with her. give her what she wants.”

“nuh-uh,” he snickers. “not until she asks for it. tell me what you want, y/n.”

“w-want you to kiss me,” you gasp when he nips at your jawline teasingly. “plea-please, roy.”

“so well-mannered,” he hums sarcastically. “think you should be rewarded for that?”

you nod frantically, just as he wraps a hand around your throat. you watch him wet his lips, following the movement of his tongue before he starts to pull you closer. roy kisses you once, then again, and finally presses the fervent kiss you so richly deserve on your waiting lips. you moan approvingly as you lean into him. all the while, kaldur’s exploring hands dance towards the jewel between your thighs. unconsciously, you spread your legs further and further until he has his hand up your dress, palm pressed up against and cupping your heated center. your moans are muffled through roy’s mouth, as you buck your hips to feel something, anything.

“so needy…i’m willing to bet you haven’t been touched in so long.” kaldur husks, slipping a finger past your damp panties to rub your throbbing clit.

a choked mewl fills the room as delirium begins to seep into your brain. he lets you grind against his fingers, frenzied and fiending for release. roy pulls away from your lips in time for kaldur to slide two fingers into your sopping cunt. the both of them relish in the sounds they’re drawing out from you while they work on marking up your neck. your senses go into overload when another set of fingers begin rubbing on your clit again. between the tongues dancing on the skin of your neck, clashing with one another every so often, and the assault on your lower lips, you’re being driven crazy by the two men.

your climax arrives like a wave crashing against your body, incapacitating you and forcing your every thought to be nothing but fuzz and static. the party has long since flitted from your worries; it’s simply you and two people who want you more than anything in that moment. the garble of nonsense you spew makes roy chuckle as he plants hot kisses up your jaw. kaldur is still going with slower strokes despite the way you burst on his fingers.

“look at the mess you made,” he breaths and pulls his fingers into your view. they’re coated in your essence, though neither of them seem to mind when roy tugs his hand towards his mouth.

you watch with glossed eyes, filled with arousal as he licks kaldur’s fingers clean. the lewd act has you clenching your thighs together to sooth the returning ache between them, only garnering kaldur’s attention once again. with a hum, he cups your chin with the hand covered in a light sheen of saliva and turns you towards him.

“was that not enough?” he inquires, gazing deep into your eyes and you can’t find it in you to look away. “do you want more, angel?”

all you can do is nod before leaning up for a kiss. his lips are soft and sweet and make you feel like you’re floating in the air. while kaldur’s tongue delves into your mouth, roy is helping shift you on the couch. you let them move your body as though you were nothing but their plaything, and soon enough you’re seated in kaldur’s lap with your back pressed against his broad chest and your legs spread. with your head twisted to continue locking lips with him, you don’t notice roy kneel on the floor in front of you until his hands come in contact with your thighs again.

simultaneously, kaldur’s hands flit from your waist up to your chest. tugging the straps of your dress down and allowing it to pool at your waist, he cups both your braless mounds and begins to massage them. your panties are removed next, abandoned somewhere behind roy. both you and kaldur pull away to watch roy press hot, open mouth kisses on his way up to your pearl. his hair tickles the skin near your knee but that’s soon forgotten when his lips come in contact with your labia. your mouth falls open with a sharp gasp, and for a moment roy considers drawing this out. but just the sight of you, in his boyfriend’s arms, pretty, and waiting and so very patient, he doesn’t think he could deny you of what you want any longer.

his tongue laps vigorously at your clit, only moving down to fuck your hole every so often. he groans at the taste of you, determined to make you cum again so he could share the taste with kaldur. your mind struggles to focus between the pair’s actions, only to allow pleasure to take over and blanket your senses. while roy indulges in your soaking cunt, kaldur pulls your head back so take your lips into his own.

you moan into his mouth with each of roy’s actions but kaldur doesn’t mind. he swallows your lewd noises, snaking his tongue past your teeth and seeking out your own pink muscle. calloused fingers tweak and twist your nipples before one hand begins to slide downwards. with your ankles locked behind roy’s head, the ginger struggled to feast the way he intended to. that was the case until kaldur spread your pussy lips for him, giving him full access to every part of you.

when your second climax approached, roy didn’t bother slowing down. he nipped and sucked on your clit relentlessly, watching with gleaming eyes as you were overcome with an earth shattering orgasm. you shook and thrashed in kaldur’s arms, whining as roy continued to abuse your overstimulated parts.

only when he needed to breath did roy come up from between your thighs. reaching up past you, he cupped the back of kaldur’s head and pulled him down. you watched hazily as the two met for a sloppy kiss. the taste of you on roy’s tongue found its way onto kaldur’s taste buds. he groaned, deep and low before delving his tongue into roy’s mouth.

“taste so good,” kaldur mumbled before pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

“think you’re ready for more?” roy inquired as he gets up and rids himself of the white marina he’s wearing. you nod dazedly much to his disappointment. “use your words, pretty.”

“yes, wan’ more.” you blurt, “please gimme more.”

kaldur leans into your ear, lips brushing against the cartilage. “get on your hands and knees, angel.”

you do as he says without hesitation. before long you find yourself looking up at an equally naked kaldur while roy, who also stripped himself of the rest of his clothes, inspected your backside. a wad of spit fell from his mouth onto your swollen sex and his hand followed to spread his saliva. just as a moan fell from your mouth, you felt something prod against your bottom lip. looking up, you noticed kaldur easing his girth into your mouth. quickly, you began to suckle on his tip before he continued pushing into your mouth. he filled every crevice, pushing past your uvula and hitting the back of your throat.

“you can take us both, can’t you?” he asks, so soft you can’t bring yourself to do anything but hum an agreement.

as if on cue, roy’s thick mushroom head eased it’s way into your cunt. he parted your gummy walls, suppressing the noises building up in the back of his throat. your walls were quivering and warm and sucked him in like you wanted him to stay inside you forever.

“fuck…” he grunted, eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed. “f-fuck baby you’re so tigh-tight.”

incapable of replying, all you could do was let your eyes roll back and take both men. ecstasy enveloped all three of you, encouraging you to chase the high you all desperately craved.

so when roy’s hips began to stutter and his movements slowed down, you took it upon yourself to fuck him back. it only proved to help when kaldur found purchase on your braids and began thrusting into your mouth. the recoil from his movements were strong enough to help you send your backside into roy’s hips.

“bein’ so good.” kaldur grunted over you only to pull himself out of your mouth. “but i need you to look at me, angel.”

while he slapped himself against your lips, you managed to drag your eyes back up at him. the pleased hum he let out only sent you further into an oblivion you didn’t want to find your way out of. the simple thought of being able to satisfy both men seemed to take you to rapture and beyond.

with kaldur in your throat, all that told of your orgasm was the garbled noises you made around him and the way you clasped around roy. he groaned as you gushed around him, soaking the both of your thighs and the couch underneath you.

“already?” he snarked, pulling out as kaldur’s movements slowed. “what d’ya think kal — should we give y/n a break?”

“not yet; not until i get to be inside them.”

sea green eyes bore into your’s, making the depth of your abdomen twist with need. the hand that held your braids slid down to caress your face and ran a thumb over your bottom lip.

“you’ll let me do that, won’t you angel?”

an eager nod soon has you trapped between two large bodies, incapable of remembering what exactly led up to this. with kaldur below you, holding your legs open, he pushed into you until he was bottoming out. roy, who stood before you, took a step closer and placed his tip against kaldur’s shaft. the red headed man slowly worked himself into you.

“w-wait, i can’t–” you squealed once it dawned on you what roy was attempting, and proceeded, to do. “s’too much!”

“‘course you can, baby.” he grinned down at you. “y’said you could.”

the stretch came with a slight burn since your body had never experienced any of this before. your innocence was what previously kept you from indulging in desire, and what now allowed you to welcome it all the same.

you could barely breath as they lay inside you, granting you the chance to get used to the feeling. surprisingly, disregarding all the patience he possessed, kaldur was the first to move. with an unrelenting grip on your thick thighs, he thrust upwards, eliciting a groan from roy and a gasp from you. roy was quickly following suit, he and kaldur both eager to please you and one another.

you were soon reduced to a mess of nonsensical noises and high pitched whines. every touch sent a wave of heat through your body; it was too much and not enough all at once. sweet release came and left and came again, but it did not stop both men from fucking you like they were possessed. in that moment you were nothing but an object to them; a hole for them to use that happened to have a pretty face. and you were treated as such.

you had past the point of fucked dumb, incapable of doing anything but wailing from the growing intensity of every orgasm that followed. tears danced down your cheeks and attempting to form the simplest thought was fruitless. all that remained in your mind was the everlasting feeling of lust and gratification.

trapped in hedonism, both your companions increased their relentless pace. each of them were far too occupied chasing their own highs to worry about you. roy, who had wrapped a hand around your neck, kept his eyes closed as he approached release. meanwhile, kaldur nipped and sucked on your neck while thrusting into you from below. his grunts and deep groans reverberated against your skin, eventually filling your head along with roy’s guttural sounds.

“taking us so well,” kaldur praised in your ear. “ we should keep you around, huh? you want that angel?”

after receiving nothing but whines and moans in response, kaldur canted his hips and ground himself up into you. you shrieked in ecstasy, gushing around both men for the nth time. the only difference however was the feeling of roy pulsing against both you and kaldur.

the latter shifted his attention to the red head, “make them ours roy. cum in–”

your protests cut him off and came in the form of incomprehensible babbles that made it all the more easier to ignore. leaking from his tip, roy thrust inside once more and emptied his load inside you. kaldur was prompted to do the same, biting down on the nape of your neck as he finished off with one final stroke.

even when they pulled out, you still felt filled to the brim. the cum slowly seeping out of you was testament to that feeling. the two men who had just finished rearranging your insides stood over you, looking down at their work. their sexual magnum opus lay on their couch, breathing heavily and still attempting to come down from several orgasms.

kaldur took it upon himself to get you cleaned up and into some fresh clothes while roy returned to smoking his blunt.

“should we drive them home?” he inquired, watching kaldur gently wipe the tears off your face. “or were you serious about keeping them around?”

“have you ever known me to joke about anything, roy?”

chuckling, roy took one final drag from his blunt and proceeded to join them in bed after putting it out. you soon find yourself pressed between their bodies once more. this time it’s in an embrace that warms your aching muscles as you surrender to lethargy.

2023 ©️ all rights reserved by saintblk (me) | do not copy, repost, promote, or translate any of my works without my permission

[transmascissues]

hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

[meraxesmoon]

Ok, but... What exactly did alicent do wrong tho... Why do people hate her (in the show ppl calm down)

Her being married to viserys was ottos doing ... She didnt have a choice she was a girl who was manipulated by her own father...

Her attacking luke was because he maimed aemond... If my son lost an eye i wouldnt stop until the person who maimed him was dead

"but lucerys was a child" SO WAS AEMOND, and he has to live with the loss of an eye

And lucerys didnt even feel bad... He was laughing when the pig was served at the table at the feast years later

The only thing that you can get her with is not being a very good mother, that i accept but blaming her for defending HER SON... girl...

Now in the book...

I do think shes mother... She such a complex character shes flawed but understands her mistakes... Dont get me wrong she is still mean and vengefull to people she deems as enemies but she has more of a heart than cersei lannister (despite some people trying to say that she is the version of cersei in hotd)

Idk... Some people just see the targaryens as superior beings and skip over their faults because they have dragons and are cooler to watch

I do think rhaenyra is the heir to the throne... But that doesnt mean that she has to be likeable to someone... Or that team black is better because she has dragons... If they werent evenly matched the war wouldnt be one of the most memorable in weteros for years to come

Im sorry for the rant... But im just tired of every team black member calling her alicunt...like... Are you twelve?

Yeah, people like to call Rhaenyra this feminist in Westerosi history, but it's just not true (at least if you believe some of the accounts in the book). Rhaenyra stans are like very extreme about her, and as a joke, that's fine, but most of them are dead serious.

I recently saw a post on TikTok that said the Driftmark scene was just Rhaenyra being a victim, and that's the most chronically online thing I've seen in a while. If you really sit down and think about it, Alicent had every reason to snap. Like, I love Rhaenyra, but she really was getting away with murder. Like, she had three illegitimate children, obviously, and just expected everyone to act like they weren't bastards.

People also say that it doesn't matter that Rhaenyra's children are illegitimate because she's heir to the throne. That makes ZERO sense, especially if you think about how that's treason and against the laws of Westeros. Alicent has every reason to feel bitter and upset about Rhaenyra pulling wool over everyone's eyes.

As for Alicent in the book, I really like her as well. Unlike Alicent in the show, she is in a huge position of power. A lot of people don't realize that she ruled ten times longer than Rhaenyra and Aegon combined. She wasn't this small little pawn being used like she is in the show. I adore both versions, but book Alicent is such a boss ass bitch! Despite her coldness and brutal behavior towards the Blacks, Alicent loves her kids so much in the books. Like, she places her own crown on Helaena's head after Aegon is crowned, she has a lot of faith in her sons, and the fact that Helaena and her children visit Alicent visit her every night before bed definitely says something about how Alicent was with her children.

Alicent in the book is pretty young when she marries Viserys, not as young as in the show. I feel like she was still sort of a victim of Otto, even in the book, but she ends up taking power into her hands because she wants to protect her children.

Notice how the people who hate Alicent would like her a lot if she was in any other type of series. They just don't like her because she's going against Rhaenyra.

Targaryen supremacists are so fucking annoying! If Alicent were a Targaryen woman they wouldn't have a problem with her, and Visenya Targaryen is a prime example of their hypocrisy (she literally usurped Aegon's son lol).

I'm Alicent's biggest defender, and I'll stay that way <3

LIKE LOOK

SHE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT HER CHILDREN

[hyuuukais]

.・゜-: ✧ :- FICTIONAL REALITY .・゜-: ✧ :-

pairing • bang chan x fem reader

synopsis • fiction or reality? y/n preferred the former, escaping into another world, escaping her problems. so what happens when reality takes that away from her; wiping her own story-in-progress off both her laptop and beloved usb? and what happens when she opens the door in the middle of a crisis to none other then the love interest of her novel... and he's holding her usb?

warnings • general, talk abt yn's past abusive relationship, idk exactly how to tag this but um like wires going into ppl

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

CHAPTER TEN • INTO THE DARK (1.8k)

Minho helps you feed the stray cat. It runs up to him, rubbing against his leg affectionately, ignoring you completely. Placing the dish down, you look around at the surrounding woods. You had to go a bit deeper into them than usual to find the cat, which tends to reside near the tree line. It was getting colder, and the lack of light in the woods wasn't helping.

"Here, take this." Minho takes his sweater off and hands it to you, leaving him in just a t-shirt. Goosebumps immediately grew over his arms. "You're shivering."

Shaking your head, you pick up the now empty food dish. "No, you're cold too. We'll be back soon anyway."

He stares at you, hand outstretched, but eventually gives up. "Suit yourself."

-

Back at the house, you turn the heat up before settling in the living room. Minho had gone to shower, leaving you alone in your thoughts.

Did the universe expect you to go back to your old apartment, or was Yeonjun supposed to be coming here? There was no way for either of you to contact each other and even if there was, you didn't know if you could. You'd been forcing yourself to feel okay about potentially seeing him again and everything that's been leading up to it, but honestly, you were far from okay. The visions had scared you. The feeling of his hands on you again, the look in his eyes, his words...

"You okay?" The sound of someone else speaking breaks you out of your trance, and you turn your head toward Minho. He's leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and head tilted forward with raised eyebrows covered slightly by his still wet hair.

...he looks really good.

"Yeah, just... thinking," you fake a small smile. "Have you had any of these visions? Or dreams?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"Oh."

Thinking about Chan and Jeongin, you wonder about this. Of course, Jeongin had only gotten anything because you asked him for it, but then he also already knew about Chan. What else was he not telling you? Maybe you should try to contact him, the warning about Mrs. Yang had frightened you.

Pushing off the wall, Minho takes a seat next to you, placing a hand on your knee. "You know you can talk to me."

"Can I?" Your voice breaks, embarrassing you. "A year can change so much. What if- what if we can't be what we used to be? I used to rely on you so much, but now I can barely look at your face without being reminded of everything that went down."

Taking in your words, Minho moves his hand off your knee and into your palm, interlocking your fingers. "Then we become something new. May I remind you I still don't know exactly what went down? That was all Yeji."

"She... never told you?"

"Nope," he sighs heavily. "Never thought I'd admit this, but I practically begged her to tell me what happened to you and where you were. All I knew was that Yeonjun was furious, although he didn't show it outright. He stuck to playing the part of the worried-sick-fiance." Minho scowls, using a mocking tone. "'My poor Y/n, wherever could she be! By the way, this totally wasn't my fault, I couldn't even hurt a fly much less my beautiful soon-to-be wife!'"

You giggle a bit at his impression and he smiles, watching your face light up. Making you laugh felt like a reward.

"He was so full of shit. I don't get why you stayed with him."

Just like that, your laughter stops.

"Haven't we been over this?" You steal your hand back, using it to rub your forehead.

"I just don't understand-"

"Yeah, and you probably never fucking will!" You sit up, legs swinging off the couch out of frustration. "If I broke up with him, we wouldn't be having this conversation. If I broke up with him, you wouldn't have been attending my wedding, you would have attended my funeral."

The words linger in between you, stinging Minho like a slap to the face. Of course he knew the relationship was toxic, but never did he think it would have come to that. If he did, he'd be behind bars right now. Fuck the USB, fuck Chan, fuck the universe. He's never letting you anywhere near Yeonjun again. As long as you're safe, who cares what it costs? The world could be burning to an ash and all Minho would want to do was get you off planet Earth, even if he couldn't come with.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," he says finally, slowly, carefully.

"Nobody did," you look away from him, down at the floor. There are miles and miles between you then and you now, the person he knew and what she was willing to say. "Except Yeji."

Yeji.

"Min, I wanna try something. Get off the couch." You start stretching out before he can respond, reaching over to grab your long forgotten headphones off the coffee table.

"What's your idea?" He takes a seat in the chair beside you.

"So when Jeongin went into that little psychic trance of his, he closed his eyes I'm guessing to help him envision his surroundings and focus better-" You adjust yourself better, sitting the headphones above your ears. "-obviously I'm not him and don't have the same abilities, but what if I try to remember the place it took me to? The headphones aren't necessary, but they're noise cancelling so I thought it might help."

Minho looks like he wants to protest, but holds back any thoughts.

"If I get into enough of a relaxed state," you continue when he says nothing. "Maybe I'll find it. It might be the only way to save Chan." You take a deep breath. "And Yeji."

"You really think Yeji is a part of this too?"

"Well it had her there and could mimic her voice, so yeah." You roll your eyes.

Leaning back in the chair, Minho rolls his eyes even more dramatically at you. "It could just be able to do that."

"There's only one way to find out."

And with that, you put on the headphones.

Immediately the world around you is muffled, no longer able to hear Minho shifting in the chair or the wind whistling through the old bones of the house. Outside, the sun has already begun to come down, soon it will be dark. With your eyes closed and hearing limited, your other senses come in stronger. You can smell your shampoo wafting off Minho, feel the bumps form on your skin as the chill sets in.

Still too early to turn on the heat, you think.

Trying to clear your mind, you focus on your breathing. In, out. In, out. In, out. Breaths become deeper, heartrate slowing. At one point, your mind wanders to thoughts of Chan. What's he doing right now? Is he alright? Why hasn't he texted you? When will you get the opportunity to correct your missed kiss-

Hey brain, you think, focus on the mission, you already know you're not emotionally available enough for someone like him, so stop it.

Back to your breathing.

Enough time passes to have you considering this isn't going to work. Why did you think it would in the first place? You said it yourself, you don't have 'abilities' like Jeongin does. Never have, never will. And besides, even if it did work, what would you do? You can't force this thing to give you information; it has the upper hand and knows it does.

"Okay, screw this," you open your eyes, but all you see is black.

It worked. But now what?

"Hello?" You call out, voice echoing. "Um, anyone home?"

Not that this place felt very... homey.

You begin to walk, eyes adjusting. Looking down, you realize you're walking in water just like Jeongin mentioned, but it just barely covers your toes. Reaching to the right, your hand finds a wall close to you. The left side is the same; you're in some kind of corridor. Walking further, your left hand grazes a dip in the wall; no, a door. You squint, noticing a few more doors on either side further down before they're consumed again by the darkness.

Wrapping your cold fingers around the knob, you push. The door is stiff and hard to open, taking a few full-body pushes before you can squeeze inside. Air races past, through your hair and the door. Inside, the walls curve to a circle, a very dim white light coming up from the edges of the water. In the middle, you spot what looks like a dentist's chair turned away from you. The top of someone's head pokes out the top, wires hanging down from the ceiling- or lack thereof, when you look up, it never seems to end- and down to their body.

Slowly, you approach the chair, gasping when you see who it is.

"Oh, Chan," you whisper, tears brimming. There are deep circles under his eyes, and the wires appear to go into his neck harshly, all red and swollen around where they enter. His lips are chapped, skin nearing translucent.

Touching his skin, it's colder than your fingers and a bit rough. His mouth is parted ever so slightly, breathing shallowly. He's dressed in all white; a t-shirt tucked into smooth pants. It's weird seeing him like this.

But you know you can't stay. This isn't why you're here.

Moving on from Chan's room, you open each door as you go, starting with the one directly across from his. You barely recognize the girl in the chair as you've only met on a few occasions; Lily.

In the next few rooms, you find a mix of people you do and don't recognize, Jeongin and Yeji being some of them. Resisting the urge to stay by their sides is difficult, you need to keep going, find the thing keeping them all here. Finally, you reach the end, the last door.

The door stretches its way into the never-ending ceiling, the knob particularly stubborn. This room is bigger than the others have been, and you spot two chairs facing each other in the dim lighting. Inside are you and your ex, Yeonjun.

"What the actual fuck," you breathe, trying to control the rising panic in your throat.

Just like the others, you both have wires connecting into your necks and look physically unwell. The only difference is that you're together, and there's another line stuck into your forearms, connecting you.

You start to have the feeling you need to leave. Now.

And that's when you hear it; distant whispering growing louder and louder, chanting the same sentence over and over again.

"You're not supposed to be in here."

●

notes • i honestly didn't think i'd get this done today but had a sudden burst of writing energy!! things are getting funky for sure hehehehe

taglist • @yongbbokkie @chaeryred @tenebrisirae @toplinelix @chansdoll @amaranth-writing @3rachachoo @linosjureumi @thebrownemo @tfshouldidohere @channie-143 @frogieeheart @kangaracharacha @skzswife

TAGLIST CLOSED ^^^blue means i can't tag you

[aspd-culture]

@brandon666

First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.

There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.

Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.

Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.

I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.

I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.

I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.

There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.

So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.

Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.

I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.

[ninicaise]

I love your posts so much! I’m curious, what do u think would be Laurent and Damen’s thoughts on open relationships, do u think it’s something they would try?

interesting question. i've made it into a joke already in this post and also there are these fantastic tags from @/not-a-coral-snake and it's the best thing ever so true so funny so them.

it's quite evident laurent has no interest in being with anyone other than damen. furthermore we don't see damen being interested in anyone ever again after he has a night with laurent + it makes both of them very jealous when they see or think about the other with someone else. so at least in the universe they're in i doubt they'd be genuinely interested in that kind of relationship. know that if they ever tried it they'd be miserable, and in an easy happy peaceful world they wouldn't even think about it.

unfortunately these people do not live in an easy happy peaceful world. it's inevitable that they at least discuss the possibility. however the only way i could see them having an open relationship agreement is through some sort of misunderstanding of each other's needs.

there's the fact that at least akielos is a culture in which people and esp nobles are expected to have multiple lovers/a harem. laurent goes above and beyond and a bit too much when trying to compensate for something he did (trying to die for damen for example) and i think for a certain period of time he would be respectful of akielon culture to the point of being too much. forcing damen's own culture onto damen himself, kind of thing.

it's likely damen has had open relationships in the past (jokaste anyone). he knows how they work, he grew up knowing it to be a natural thing, he knows that as king he is expected to have a variety of lovers. and likely in any other circumstance he would. he just isn't interested unless laurent is involved. damen hates the idea tbh but he will give laurent what he wants bc he thinks well. maybe laurent wants to explore his sexuality a little more with more people who aren't damen after years of repressing it (he doesn't) and if he is insisting so much then he must have a good reason (objectively he doesn't).

plus, and i think this one is the most likely, laurent knows he's not exactly an easy lover. ppl overestimate the amount of both self-respect and self-confidence laurent has wayyy to often. laurent is canonically insecure about anything sex related and a future-oriented control freak, so he'd try to have control over any affair damen might have if at some point laurent stops being enough by ensuring he will be able to claim that he knew all along, that laurent was the one who allowed it, laurent was in control the whole time. kind of like with th i know who you are damianos thing. i've known all along. i know you'll get tired of how complicated i am eventually i know everything i am prepared for every possible outcome you can't catch me chaos of this world etc etc.

it's not that he can tolerate the idea of damen being w other ppl, it's just that he thinks he has to tolerate it bc 1) he doesn't deserve a say 2) the alternative (damen getting tired, feeling trapped and leaving altogether) is way worse 3) he thinks it will happen eventually anyway and this is the only way he can remain dignified. or so he thinks. lol. this mindset is of course unhealthy. so he should work on that.

[infiniteorangethethird]

hey! sorry if this is weird but would u mind explaining what being "loveless" means? like in the way people say "loveless aro" or "loveless apl" etc

Heya there, not a weird question at all! However I do wanna preface this by saying that other ppl in the community might have different experiences with the term than I do, different reasons for identifying with it, so just keep in mind that as almost everything, being loveless is a spectrum and others might have slightly varying definitions of it.

I'll give a shorter, more generic reply, and then a longer explanation of my own relationship with the word, hopefully it'll be enough to paint a picture to anyone new to the term. (If not, feel free to ask follow-up questions! I love talking abt this stuff lol)

In general terms, loveless is pretty much what it says on the lid. The LGBTQIA+ wiki describes it as someone who "is in some way disconnected from the concept of love, does not feel love, may doubt that they feel love, or rejects the idea that they need to experience love". Basically, someone who doesn't feel love, or feels it in a way so disconnected from how other people seem to experience it that calling it love would feel disingenuous, wrong. Ppl who identify as loveless are usually reclaiming a word that has been used against them so many times - essentially saying "actually I don't feel love (the way society expects me to) and that is okay".

In terms of my personal experience: from what I can have seen, when people say they love someone, what they mean is an emotional desire to be with someone - to spend time with them, to talk to them, to make them happy, make sure they are safe and well. You get the gist. The important parts to consider here are the fact that it is an emotion, and that it is directed at a person/concept, not the actions surrounding that person/concept. It doesn't matter what you do or what the other person does, you want to spend time with them, even if it would need you to do or try things you otherwise wouldn't even think about doing. (The trope of "going to see a movie you hate but your loved one loves" comes to my mind.) You don't desire the actions, you desire the person, so to speak.

And this is exaclty the thing I don't experience. When I spend time with people, I do it with the expectation that I get something out of the interaction - a good time, help or support, a listening ear to my current brainrot, whatever, which I "pay back" by offering my support, my help, my listening ear when the other party needs it. I am not drawn towards people but rather experiences - and if those experiences involve or are made better by involving others, it matters little to me who those others are, so long as the experience itself is not ruined. It's always so strange to me when people go into things they don't really enjoy just to appease someone they love - if you don't want to do it, then why do it when someone else wants you to? And even more so: why do you want to spend time with someone when every interaction you have with them makes you unhappy, makes you suffer? ("They sometimes treat me badly but I can't just stop loving them" is a sentiment I hear a lot and don't understand at all.)

But most people don't view relationships as exchanges of goods and services, and have an expectation of this emotional drive from the other party. This emotional drive is what I'm missing, and this lack of drive is the reason I choose to call myself loveless. It might be tempting to assume that I choose to not feel love, that I am deliberately distancing myself from people, but trust me: I've tried for many many years to force myself to love others, but emotions don't exactly work like that. Me calling myself loveless is accepting that there's an emotion others experience that I don't, and that it's okay to not be able to feel love. It frees me of the expectations I have been putting on myself for so long.

I hope this helps answering your question 😊 other loveless ppl feel free to add onto this, the more thoughts shared the merrier!

[juneviews]

What you said abt p'jojo, I feel this.

For Chueam, I thought for sure she would be more developed but I understood quickly (but not so quickly) it wouldn't and i was sad. Yeah sure it's a BOYSLOVE, but I thought.

The thing is, I started the first 3 eps of the show and realized it wasn't what I thought it would be, and that is saying smthg bc I had zero expectations. So I did a thing that I already did for a little few other gmmtv shows, I stopped watching, let loose of my thoughts, and started over 2 weeks later and catching it up live again. And honestly it was better. But I wasn't like other ppl in the fandom lmao. I had no analysis, no theories, no nothing. It was just vibes😅 But then something happened and idk why, but I got bored of it ??? Idk maybe it's like you said and this series had lots of shocking value, but in other departments it was lacking.

 Like the lack of repercussions or like just you know, finishing somethings, having resolutions. And having it makes sense for the characters, bc how you feel with something tells you what kind of a person you are. But they seem to kind of always cut that ? I don't know the words exactly English isn't my first language sorry (I'm so mad I can't find the words it's killing me my god).

For me it was also too much for the stable pairings if it makes sense. Like the first and khao and book and force (Mark and neo in this series as a couple was a great choice bc I didnt that 'problem' with them). I don't follows the actors closely at all but sometimes I could sense something weird. Like it's for example an actor interacting with the other actor he's close with, and not another entity interacting with another with their own (fictional) feelings. Again I'm really sorry for my weird English I don't know how to say it 😅 hope it makes sense lol.

So all in all, kind of fun, I don't mind having characters that have a grey moral, in fact I like them the most, or having characters opposite of my morals, bc it makes me think, and keep things interesting (well usually).

I like the mess usually, and I did like some in this series, but maybe this show is not for me bc it was a mess yes be for me not the right reason in a way, I think. Also I love a series that is concentrated on friends but sometimes hum something was lacking idk.

There is one thing that happened who made me rrreeeaallly think. Bc a character isn't supposed to always be the light of reason, and can make mistakes, or just have a different opinion of mine the watcher. And I like that. But yeah at one point I wanted to wake-up-slap Chueam. Bc I dont understand what the show/the story/the show runners whatever  was trying to tell me. And that's what I talked abt earlier. Bc either it is something that is not well resolved until the end, or it is and that's just that. Honestly idk.

[ Boston find a new group of friends. Bc they're like yeah we're messy and fucked up and then act or pretend like they are morally white and the he is evil. But I do like though how Nick and Boston broke up. That he should find someone who is okay with his way of life and share the same sentiments abt monogamy.]

And lastly I like the actors but i I'm so tired of seeing them with the same couple pairing. I want them to grow up outside of their couple pairing bc you can sense a sense of safety net when they act together. I find they are GOOD actors, I just want them to fly more.

But then again, all of this is my opinion, it's very subjective (apart from the lack of development of chueam, of course).

Maybe I'll rewatch this series next year in a binge. I'll be waiting for your review, if you will do one.

Sorry this is long, I send you my regards 🐝

I agree with everything you've said above. I think that when p'jojo announced this show as the gay friend zone, I was hoping it would bring the one thing that friend zone does not have into its show: queer community. I was hoping that, despite the drama, this would feel like such a relatable show to anyone who has a queer group of friends... but it really wasn't. the only parts I truly LOVED are sand being openly bi, though sadly all of his relationships are with men, and the kiss scene between sand & nick when they just laugh bc they realize they're not compatible. THIS! this felt like the queer experience. if the show had leaned into this kind of scenes, I would've honestly overlooked everything else. but again, having watched friendzone where 1) its female characters are developed 2) its WLW characters are loved & developed 3) stud is the best "slutty messy gay" character and boston WISH he could be him 4) topmew are just a re-hash of samearth's boring ass relationship 5) arm's character in friend zone was everything boeing should've been... the purpose of only friends becomes only the audience being shocked bc two random actors kissed and/or fucked. and by the end? I got mond & first kissing yet I felt nothing. ME! the biggest not me stan & a fan of the gramyok ship... felt absolutely nothing about seeing them kiss. bc since everyone kissed there was nothing to be surprised about. I'm glad that despite the show's popularity, people are FINALLY opening their eyes & seeing that it was not a good show and never was from the very start.

note: I feel the need to say something bc a few people have been misinterpreting what I mean when referencing the queer community. I do think this show represents some of the queer community well, and perhaps I relied too much on people knowing my opinion of jojo tichakorn & his previous shows for it to get understood. what I'm saying in this ask is that the show didn't lean into the queer FRIENDSHIP enough like the nicksand kiss example that I stated above, not that the queer experience reflected on the show is bad or unrealistic.

xxx

[beautifulpersonpeach]

It's cold and dreary and the tannies are gone,,, *cries in the corner* But the re-debuting (?) efforts for 2 cool 4 skool (I definitely didn't know how to spell this lol) is so heartwarming!! I just feel warm and fuzzy inside, you know?? Do you know if these fandom efforts are typical for kpop groups? I don't know what to expect for this ms era. I keep seeing articles and discussions that talk about who'll fill in the gap that's left by bts. It's not that I'm super worried (I know exactly where I stand), but I just don't know what will happen next as a whole. I quite enjoy the current army atmosphere. It makes me think that armys are the best when they are working towards a goal. Would you be able to share what are the things that ppl (who's never been through something like this) should keep in mind moving forward for the next 6month-1.5year? Thank you so much!

***

Yeah, re-charting old songs is something more than a few fandoms do from time to time, but ARMYs’ aim of re-charting several old songs, sometimes whole albums, at once and methodically - that’s something I don’t think has been done before. And yes it warms my heart to see the fandom give BTS this. Even though it’s more of symbolic gesture than ‘huge achievement’, it’s a tangible way the fandom can express that we intend to stick by BTS this entire time. Life might happen, we might explore other groups and hobbies or take some time to ourselves, but we’ll never really abandon BTS or forget them while they’re in service. It also allows the fandom the opportunity to re-experience BTS’s old music. It’s reminding me of why I fell in love with them in the beginning.

And you’re right. The fandom does need a goal to work towards. One of the first things I said on this blog that I remember people got mad at me for (lol), was that I think many ARMYs are just Type A k-pop stans who prioritize BTS. A lot of us do well with targets and performance measures, using information and ingenuity to achieve desired goals for someone we love genuinely gets us going. When the fandom is aimless people go crazy. So yeah, keep ARMYs busy and peace will be reasonably attainable.

It seems HYBE intends to keep milking the fandom too - more documentaries are coming, at least four members will release new music over the next 1.5 years, we might get a Jin tour/showcase or Hobi live performances, etc. So I guess we’ve got nothing to worry about on that front.

I’m not too sure myself what to expect between now and 2025. Last week I talked about what usually happens when a group enlists based on what I’ve observed:

1. Some people take a break away from k-pop fully.

2. Some explore other groups, whether or not they end up stanning as well.

3. Some people stay in k-pop and remain only committed to BTS

All three options are valid and sometimes there’s no real difference between how people approach options 2 and 3.

But really, while the guys are in the military I don’t expect the infighting within the fandom to reduce. At best it’s going to remain this annoying for the next 18 months. I know people are hopeful we get more spaced out releases but I’m actually expecting some stacked line-ups in releases next year. I’m also not expecting Seven/Golden-style promotions for any member that doesn’t release under HYBE America. The usual suspects (akgaes, shooters, antis, shippers) will be whining in any case so it’s going to be a pain.

And outside the fandom, I know the race is going to be mad. Right now ATEEZ, Stray Kids, NewJeans, RIIZE, Aespa, VCHA, Katseye, IVE, SHINee, Blackpink and few more… are revving up to take over in 2024. I’m so curious to see all the ways these groups/their companies will try to fill the BTS vacuum. How they will try to court ARMYs and pitch themselves as the rightful successors to BTS.

I’m not really sure what to expect but I know it’s going to be a fun time that’s for sure.

[mcl38]

they haven't quite turned on vcarb the way they did mclaren but from what i've read that seems to be bc daniel keeps saying "it's not the same problem as mclaren" when like idk dude if the only time you've finished a race ahead of yuki was bc you got put on softs at the end of the race it is smelling very shades of mexico '22 to me. just without the having to make up a time penalty bc u punted yuki off the track.

i can say yuki is already getting the lando treatment though. "hOW MANY RACES HAS HE WON AND YOU DARE SAY HES PERFORMING BETTER THAN AN 8 TIME GP WINNER?" (ya i'll go to the top floor of my apartment and shout it into the void through a megaphone too what are you going to do about it) only this time there's a heavy dose of racism added in. the amount of people i have seen calling yuki a "pokémon" derogatorily and refusing to admit the racist connotations there are wild. not to mention the ableist terms i've seen be used to refer to his height. it's all very gross and yet again daniel says nothing to even try to prevent it. it's wild how someone always has to get harassed by his fans regardless of if he fails or succeeds.

ok so like first of all yikes. i rly rate yuki but im v selective w my online (especially my tumblr)

experience so i rly almost never venture out of my mclaren-centred bubble, which means i never rly see what ppl say abt him. 'pokemon' is actually vile like thats so clearly racist bc its not even a pun of his name at all or any sort of reference to his personality?? AND the fact that its a cartoon w the infantilising implications of that... ku's essay on the infantilisation of east asian drivers u will always be famous.... like u guys ever noticed how nyck is also rly short and has a youthful face and nobody ever talked abt him in the way they talk abt yuki? much to think abt

now. permission to be mean here but even if its 'not the same problem as mclaren' is the problem not STILL the fact that daniel in his 10+ year career hasnt bothered to understand the way the engineering of f1 cars works in like any material way and thats the reason he always struggles to identify his driving issues / has a disconnect with his chassis unless its tailored exactly to what he already likes and knows how to drive? i saw that bit from newey's book about how max and checo give rly good feedback and so did webber and vettel and it was kind of subtly implying that during the bit in between (the daniel era) he designed less effective cars be he wasnt getting enough precise feedback.... i genuinely havent been able to sleep at night since. like it felt like smth slotted in my head like aaaah this has been the problem all along. if only daniel wasnt so busy going on podcasts making fun of the idea of women in motorsport and actually spent some time to do some way overdue physics homework... lol. Imao even

the truth of the situation is yuki is in the best form of his career and also wiping the floor w daniel. like factually so. EVEN with team orders favouring daniel so his fans cant say its bc of that like they did with mclaren. i genuinely think its quite sad the amount of personal stock daniel fans have clearly invested in this mans career and how much it bothers them when he doesnt perform to their expectations - like he's ur driver, swallow it and accept it, because thats what he's been doing to try to move on. doing all this intense online hate bullshit only makes him look bad bc it highlights how badly and for how long he rly has been embarrassingly underperforming. but by this point it feels like they WANT him to underperform bc they crave that martyr underdog victimised figure to root for and fight for - which is why ur totally right anon, that someone always inevitably gets harrassed regardless of if daniel is failing or succeeding. 

i will say one thing which is that i rly dont think daniel is at all aware of whatever the fuck his fans do on twitter and instagram (and deffo not tumblr lmao). so i dont think this is an issue of like him telling his fans to chill out - and it doesnt work anyways, bc lando literally has made talking abt how much cyberbullying sucks a part of his personality and theres still some rly mean and hateful lando fans (not in a fun way like me<3 lol) (i hate on my own blog and in discord groupchats). so like thats not necessarily on him, its more on netflix for making him the lowest common denominator guy to like, ykwim? also the unfortunate reality is that despite the tshirts and the kneeling (or no kneeling) no one rly seems to stand up to defend the drivers of colour who literally constantly get SUCH vitriol thrown towards them w any occasion. im not expecting daniel of all ppl to say anything abt it ngl

[ineffableducks]

things that are spot on about beelzebub in good omens as someone who worships the demon they're based on

(i'm a demolator which means i worship demons. yes srsly.)

(for complete clarity, i'm going to refer to the entity beelzebub with he/him bc that's how he presents to me as, and refer to the character beelzebub as they/them)

(and if you're going to be mean about demonolatry or my beliefs/experiences then go away)

first of all, demons don't really have consistent genders. beelzebub (entity) presents pretty consistently masculine throughout history, but he can take feminine and androgynous forms and has been recorded to do so. the non binary rep and interpretation is my favourite thing.

some stories go that after jesus descended into hell and subsequently escaped, satan was dethroned as the ruler of hell (this doesn't mean that his power was taken away - just that he doesn't personally manage the demons anymore). the title was then passed onto beelzebub who is referred to consistently as a high ranking demon, specifically as a duke or a prince, among others. i really love how beelzebub is the one running things in hell as grand duke. ppl love to give satan all the attention, and it's not like i'm slandering him, but it's tiring to see big bad cookie cutter satan in EVERY show. beelzebub (GO) is a breath of fresh air.

absolutely commands attention when you're in their space. needs you to know that they are the Lord of the Flies, Supreme Chief of the Empire of Hell, Archdemon of Gluttony, and you cannot make any mistake about it.

the buzzing noises when they talk - absolutely canon.

they both appear in a swarm of flies when you least expect bc they have something to say to u that cannot wait. this is how beelzebub first made his presence known to me. just sent me a swarm of flies. twice. can't say he's ever manifested his form into the swarm but hey.

also if he needs my attention, he sends a single fly to buzz in my room until i find out what he wants. sometimes i forget and try to kill the fly. i never can. the fly harassing gabriel who is unable to kill it is so real in this way.

in the final episode when beelzebub holds the fly on their finger... that has happened to me. a while before GO2 came out, he sent me a fly that did exactly that to me, and then i saw the promo photo of beelzebub (GO) holding the fly and i lost my mind.

afaik beelzebub (entity) and gabriel (entity) are not interested in each other but i could be wrong????? it's definitely not rare for demons and angels to interact.

the packet of crisps... they're a demon associated with gluttony and find it amusing when gabriel says they 'don't have to consume.' also, both appreciate booze.

both enjoy music and give ominous warnings like 'every day, something is getting closer.' like ok.

overall, i like how they were watered down from the first season. yes, they're a demon, but demons are not inherently malevolent. ppl who worship them do not think that they're brimming with evil. they're just entities that have been literally demonised over the years. it was nice to see a morally grey portrayal of beelzebub in season 2 and to have them gain agency and choose something that matters more to them than hell.

Ave Beelzebub and thank u neil gaiman.

[crunchchute]

need to know when exactly hw2 is taking place so that i can work it into my headcanons cause right now its just not fitting at all. a lot of "..unless?" but i wont know until i get the timeline (more under cut i guess. spoiler territory ahead 🚨🚨)

also i had 6 hours of copium for my sleeptime. if youre a hater just take this as if i was pulling this out of my ass, unless you agree, in which case youre welcome to comment or. nod in agreement.

so how does this help wanted economy affect the fazcoin?

but no for real now. to preface im very forgetful when it comes to fnaf lore and i sometimes miss some plot points and many times they affect my headcanons (once i remember them) but i cant check everything. im just forming my own little timeline with my own ideas i guess, but i still want it to be canon adjacent So!

i believed that its taking place post SB, pre Ruin. which i was super happy with as i was worried it would be pre-SB and not give enough lore that i crave. however, just as ive seen some people say, this didnt help with the lore much, and it just got more confusing for me. still a fantastic game but from a lore point it doesnt give us anything too big or a conclusion (well. maybe one) i also saw people say its post ruin, which i dont agree with but i would agree with during ruin. (when ppl say cassie is the player, i dont think so, need more arguments) its unclear once people bring in other arguments than the obvious roxy's mask or the state of the pizzaplex. but basically as an afton believer its hard for me to work around this, but i will try. never back down never what?

so my hc is iykyk, scraptrap->man in the room->ghost/amalgamation->latching onto tech and the mimic in the form of glitch and burntrap->mimic "shedding" him->wills ghost forming mxes; it also works without the frights books but the afton amalgamation and everything around it is too cool to not use. i fucking love ruinborn afton graaaaah *tears shirt apart* i also liked the idea of his spirit shattering and a piece of it forming glitchtrap for years, and i believe it can coexist with mimic, i think burntrap was real and is both mimic and afton.

now. this game. really messing it up for me as glitchtrap existing post or during burntrap just doesnt make sense, i dont want -trap multiples or something (sounds like the years old 2-3 purple guys theory lmao) but i will look into it as glitchtrap and mxes connection..? honestly, i really expected getting to see burntrap here (or at least mimic shown). was burntrap like retconned or something for real??? also still dont understand when people say burntrap isnt the mimic or whatever. no, it is, just with something a little extra on. and that extra is again, wills ghost or remnant or whatever you wanna call it, symbolized by the bonnie parts on his endo, but theres also flesh so yeah, as funny as it sounds i fuck with the afton homunculus growing over mimic theory. its stupid enough, he would do it.

but i wanna focus on mxes, i knew we wouldnt see the entity in the game, didnt expect it. but i also didnt expect the system to show up, which it did, but obviously not the entity yet as i believe they were formed only after burntrap has been "scooped" by tangle (comparing the scooper mimic ending and the burntrap one as a parallel) i just dont understand how glitchtrap is in here. thats the thing i cant figure out! this is 100% post SB so at that point glitchtrap is just gone. how did we get him back now? only ends up with me reaching with like MEGA SPOILERS the vanny ending crushing glitchtrap being a metaphor of her locking away or deleting the code. extreme reaching would be stuffing it into the mxes system where glitch would turn into the entity. but thats way too loose, but ive seen many people call the mxes entity glitchtrap, which doesnt even work with their theory that glitchtrap is mimic, because the entity is obviously not the mimic. like you have to consider this too, not just mimicmimicmimic but then agree that a glitchy rabbit is similar to another glitchy rabbit

lost my thread of thought. and thought of how this all is just, an end to glitchtrap era and only mimic in the future. well.. without an evil rabbit, fnaf will lose its charm for me, i dont know if vanny!cassie would save it for me, i only want wiwi. more wiwi, no mimi *starts glowing red and then explodes* anyway its not that bad. as long as i get to see the mxes entity again i will be good. and as long as im right about the clickteam game, i will be happy :D

also im intrigued by the fallfest showing up again, i really want to see how the maps look and look at all the details.. but in general the area is either underneath or next to the pizzaplex, the body of water in curse of dreadbear imo is the same as the underground water in ruin and hw2 to me confirmed that it truly is all in one place (goes nowhere with this). i love how the hw2 hub is in the pizzasim building. also, another thing, need to check it out again but i want to see if scrap baby is in a vr level or reality so i can theorize about scraptrap, as in, if at least tangle and scrap baby are still around and real in the plex, it would make sense for scraptrap to not show up because he has gone through digitization /j you know the whole pipeline. and so on and so forth

anyway im gonna pet my dogs and maybe read tse and then get back to hw2 in the afternoon. just getting this out of the system and my brain

[fairycosmos]

i'm 27 just got my university degree and i live with my mom, maybe i'm a loser but like who's gonna judge me? i'm doing my best it's been hard af and i'm still alive and trying to find my place in the world, i have no rush and even though some days i feel like shit life is not a fucking race, we're already so lonely why can't we enjoy living with our family as long as both parts are comfortable and safe? i'm sure i'll miss it when i end up living alone

you are NOTTT a loser for that like whatttt? i hate ppl who project that expectation onto others as if everyone has to follow the exact same trajectory in order to be seen as a valid person it's just fuckin bizarre. sounds like you're doing great! thats exactly what i was saying it's like this is an increasingly common scenario for ppl around our age and i don't see how forcing us to swallow shame about it is going to help anyone. it's like i said before i think there's a misconception that you can't be a self sufficient adult while living at home but moving out is not the only way to create ur own sense of self + independence. i really really see it that way and it baffles me how so many don't. and exactly, that's the other thing - these years are NEVER coming back! once the time spent w loved ones is gone, it's gone so im not gonna sit here and feel bad about it forever. for real. congratulations on the uni degree!!! absolutely incredible achievement 💌💖💌💖

[scuopsie]

rant time!

kpop reaction content isn't exactly new (at least as far as I know) but it does seem to have kind of boomed in the last... two-three years I think. I remember there being only a handful of relevant kpop reaction content creators on youtube, some more popular that the others, but still there weren't a ton of them around. and I guess it makes sense because kpop itself has gotten much more popular and widely known outside of just [REDACTED] and among a wider age range I'd say.

but nowadays if you look up “X group - Y title track reaction” you will find tens, if not hundreds of reaction videos (especially if its a well known group) ranging from channels with hundreds of thousand subs to small account with a couple of hundred views on their reaction videos. and I just find that so weird.

like... especially for channels that do reactions as their main (and only) content, I find it extremely difficult to believe that after a certain point there is any authenticity behind these reactions. these big reaction channels are out there reacting to damn near every relevant kpop group's comebacks (and there are a LOT of them) and every single reaction is generally positive and often very enthusiastic.

aside from the fact that logically and statistically it's impossible for someone to like every title track being released, even if they're all objectively good (which they're not), because no one likes every genre and every style of music, there is basically no creativity involved in creating this type of content which makes it very dull both for the creator and the consumer after a while.

on top of that, this type of content has created a really toxic environment around expressing opinions and criticism toward kpop groups and kpop music. I just came across a video from one of these bigger (while also being newer) creators talking about how she's not happy with the content she's been making for the past year. she said that it's extremely overwhelming trying to keep up with every comeback when everyone expects you to react to their fave's CB and after a while sitting and reacting to music videos becomes repetitive especially when you're not even allowed to truly be yourself and express your opinions. she said she can't even talk about having a bias in a group because she would get tons of hate comments and dms about ppl bashing her for not having a different bias. I can't imagine how people would react to a reaction video creator saying she doesn't like a comeback or even a certain element in the song/mv.

I used to love kpop reaction videos back when I had just discovered them and they were not as big. like I genuinely get the appeal. seeing someone who's not a teenage girl (which is what stereotypically the general public thinks kpop stans are) is pretty validating. and back then there were like 'vocal coach reacts' or 'producer reacts' etc. seeing the reaction of "experts" analyzing different parts of a song/mv was really interesting for someone like me with zero knowledge of any of the technical stuff. and I also understand that they do contribute to promoting groups and comebacks to a certain degree. but it has just gone too far, in my opinion.

idk maybe I’ve just gotten old and lost the will to enjoy the small things that used to bring me joy but I genuinely don't enjoy reaction videos anymore. most of those older 'exerpts' (except for two I think) aren't active anymore (I'm guessing at least to some degree bc stans didn't want to hear that their fave was not that legendary of a vocalist or their fave song wasn't as layered and complex as they thought it was) and instead there are just random people reacting to kpop and some of them you can just tell that all their reactions are completely faked out. Youtubers are jumping on this trend bc it’s easy (in terms of not having any kind of real substance) and gets u good views if you’re a little charming and funny.

TL;DR : everything is fake and authenticity is dead. kdjfdjf I'm mostly joking but in the end, as per usual with my rants of this kind, I don't have a specific point or a solution. I'm just starting a conversation. so if any of you have something to add or just want to chat about this send me an ask!! (plz don't reply in the comments because I want this to be on my dash so everyone else can read too.)

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

pinkmoonmutual i think i have come to u about my adoring fixations on older men before. I woke up from a dream where I was hanging out with this guy I really like and it was so wonderful and perfect and exactly what I want from him....a very nice dream to have, and it fits into what ive been working on recently which is human relationships and figuring out what I want and how to have it... its difficult for me because I love people SO MUCH often after a very short amount of time, this is especially true of older people because I crave sibling affection I didn't get growing up but it happens with people my own age too. and ah idk I'm never sure how to express it to people because love and intensity are things most people only want and expect from romantic attraction. and I'm not opposed to that but especially with older men this becomes difficult because the people I love are not interested in dating people 10 years younger than them and really it would be inappropriate (this guy was my professor! not gonna happen!) and i just end up feeling really creepy and weird and not knowing what to do with this huge adoration and affection inside me. so tricky I really wish you could just be /in love/ with someone and tell them and have them see it as a nice thing and not me trying to get sex or romantic commitment from them. i wish i was a little dog so i could just curl up at his feet and have it be simple. guuuuhhhhhhhh honestly i just wanted to tell you about my crush. I only knew this guy for like a month and a half so its a bit silly but hes so pretty and smart and cool and really inspired me to live and pushed me in the direction im currently going. its just tricky tricky im probably over complicating it but do you think there's more to love than the relationships that people in our world expect? I love people like theyre a god TT .. even talking about it here feels vapid compared to how it is for me. anyway nice dream thanks universe and i hope the pinkmoonworld is nice today <3

i understand u <3 it is a vary nice day in pinkmoonworld thanku for the wish~~~i know this dilemma tho sigh , my thoughts below..

i always felt like my admiration of people was extreme & consuming , i still do to a certain extent its a big part of the reason WHY i became a bit withdrawn like i struggle w how attached i get to others. i dont want to ask for anything in return but i feel shame when people find me creepy lol. And even then, that shame isnt rly the reason i've become untrusting with my heart, cold ppl r the least of my worries, i understand them.. moreso it's dangerous for me when i encounter someone who recognizes i am This Way & instead of being plainly disinterested or aloof they consciously decide to Use my affections in a sinister manner for their own advantage. that's what's mainly caused me to bcome distant even tho i want to love those ppl too.

so despite distance i still need some outlet for these loveful feelings so i guess i've spent the past 5-ish years working on ways to be overly compassionate in a safer manner.. And a big part of that is that i rly find the purest form of love to be platonic love, when theres not really any expectations or prize for being close to someone yet u still are, that kind of love speaks the deepest to me. and it's funny because really shortly after i surrendered my quest for romantic love, like completely surrendered , is when i met SLIMBO, and thru my efforts to be a really good friend to them we ended up falling sooooooo deeply sincerely in love like nothing i;ve ever known. if we had rushed into a relationship idk if it wld be the same , like having it slowly blossom over the course of a few years w no pressure, it's the foundation upon which we could be SO deeply sure we would always be together.

So the way u speak of loving ur crush, i'd say, just continue to act kindly towards him and everyone else u encounter, with no expectations of them.. people really need this like i think everyone needs to know what it feels like to experience a True Friend a selfless friend. it's rare! i rarely meet anyone who i feel doesn't want *something* from me that i cant give them. and i dont even want to hold that against them! im just saying, what U feel is rare so u should embrace it. allow yourself to exude love as much as u can and that frequency will return to u, just like how it did for me and slimbo...And other friends ive made along the way ^_^ Follow you heart.. maybe he's older but who knows what could happen. i've dated ppl 10 years older than me cus i have always acted like grandpa. sometimes ppl will just see u for ur soul.

and maybe ur dream is pointing u in a right direction, idk, i confessed my love to slimbo a few days after having a dream that we held hands. Ofc we had been friends for 2 years by this point so the time felt right, not every dreams mean u should confess, but i feel like having a sweet dream such as that can be a sort of telepathic experience sometimes.. show a connection between you and him on the astral plane. Take time to enjoy life n enjoy having a crush too cus it can be really fun to feel that crazy over someone :] thats my thoughts.....good luck with your heart, PMD9 out !