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andrewmoocow · 2 years

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Little Homeworld Life chapter 9: To Err Is Human (originally published on October 10, 2022)

AN: As the talented comedic geniuses that made up Monty Python once said, "And now for something completely different." You know how rampant those human Gem AUs are? Well, allow me to present my spin on the concept inspired by the likes of Saved by the Bell and all the Disney sitcoms of old! I started watching the former on Hulu to get some inspiration, just FYI. Considering how the Alternate Future continuity I have created is a bit different from the Steven Universe we're used to, this should be an interesting take. Anyways, school's in session everybody, so strap in!

Synopsis: Welcome to Crystal High, where the quirky new girl in school Whitney Topaz falls for the captain of the football team Jasper Brooks as she helps her new classmates break free from Ruth Black's oppressive control! Wait, something isn't right.

Cast:

Lauren Ash as Whitney Topaz/White Topaz

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper Brooks/Jasper, Jazz Day/Dalmatian Jasper

Noël Wells as Ruth Black/Black Rutile

Estelle as Estelle Garrett/Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amy Thomas/Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl Hall/Pearl

Shelby Rabara as Dot Perry/Peridot

Jennifer Paz as Lana Lance/Lapis Lazuli, Zoey Lance/Zuli, Lucy Lance/Laz

Uzo Aduba as Biddie Matthews/Bismuth

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon/Thea Zick

Della Saba as Marina Blue/Aquamarine

Christine Pedi as Agatha Holly/Holly Blue Agate

Casey Lee Williams as Catherine "Cat" Eyre/Cat's Eye

Charlyne Yi as Irene Charles/Eyeball

Featuring Avi Roque as Cindy Barr/Cinnabar

Awkwafina as Kylie Newman/Kyanite

Allison Janney as Piper Ryan/Pyrite

Zehra Fazal as Zelda Sullivan/Zoisite

Lena Hall as Blair Stone/Bloodstone

Jodie Whittaker as Xanthe Turner/Xenotime

Marc Diraison as Ash Topaz

April Winchell as Lauren Topaz

Zeno Robinson as Kenny Topaz

And Fred Stoller as Jameson Brooks

Little Homestead, Delmarva was much like any other small American town. Everybody knew each other's names, community get-togethers were a frequent affair, and most of its residents have lived there all their lives. However, one family that had just moved to town from the big city would prove to change its youth forever.

The Topaz family, consisting of husband-and-wife Ash and Lauren, their teenage daughter Whitney and young son Kenny, had moved into town from Riverdale, Empire State, over the weekend after Ash got an assignment from his boss Hiram Lodge to expand Lodge Industries' influence across the Mid-Atlantic. This meant Whitney had to leave her wholesome friends behind. Though it was tough to say goodbye, Whitney always knew she'd be a stone's throw away from seeing them again whenever she liked.

"Hi-diddly-ho, new neighborino!" the Topazes' new neighbor Ted greeted them on a warm September morning.

"You must be Ted Sanders, I presume." Ash Topaz replied as he shook Ted's hand. "Ash Topaz, my family and I came here from Riverdale last Saturday."

"Oh, my land, Riverdale?" Ted gasped in elation. "Home of Lodge Industries?!"

"Yep, that's the one." Ash smiled. "I moved the fam here under Hiram's orders, which reminds me. I should probably introduce them to you some time."

"Oh, my boys, the missus, and I would love to meet you!" Ted smiled. "Hey, that reminds me, shouldn't your youngins be getting ready for school right now?"

"Shoot, thanks for the heads up!" Ash gasped in realization. "Talk to you later, okay?"

"My door's always open!" Ted replied as Ash raced back inside his house to get his kids ready.

"Sis, sis, you gotta wake up." A ten-year-old platinum blonde-haired boy said while poking his older sister in her plump lips. "Sis, sis!" The boy was still wearing some Cookie Cat-themed pajamas, while the girl had on a Mister Universe T-shirt that was a little too big for her, along with some workout shorts.

"Dah, I'm awake, I'm awake!" sixteen-year-old Whitney Topaz yelled as she jolted awake. "Oh, thanks for the lift, Kenny. So, you ready for your first day of school?"

"Uh, I don't know." Kenny Topaz replied nervously. "What if I don't make any friends at my new school? I'm scared, Whitty."

"Hey, don't get so wound up, Ken." Whitney said with a comforting smile at her little brother. "Besides, I'm pretty nervous too. I'm sure my classmates will be nice, but they got nothing on good ol' Archie and pals!"

"Oh, Whitney, you're awake!" Whitney and Kenny's homemaking mother, Lauren Topaz, said delightedly as she peered into her daughter's room. "Hop to it, young lady, don't want to be late!"

"Don't worry, Mom." Whitney said as she got up and did some stretches that Kenny was quick to try imitating. "Aw, I see someone's already ready."

"Haha, Whitty!" Kenny laughed before suddenly falling over, only to be helped up by his big sister, and the two walked out of Whitney's room hand in hand.

Meanwhile, in a slightly grungier part of town frequented by purse snatchers, dognappers, and carjackers, a tall, muscular teen girl with stripe tattoos lining her arms and a jasper nose ring started her morning with a few rounds on her prized punching bag. This was Jasper Brooks, a tough-as-nails punk who grew up in the rough parts of Little Homestead and had to rely on her wits and her strength to survive.

"Oy, Jasper, rise and shine!" Jasper's father, Jameson Brooks, yelled from outside. "It's the first day of school; start prepping already!"

"Whatever." Jasper responded nonchalantly to her father as her punching stopped, and she looked fondly at a photo of herself as a baby with her mother. "Hey, Mom, miss you tons, but Dad and I are still pulling through." She said to the picture while trying not to get too emotional. She had a reputation to uphold, after all. "I know you would've been proud of me."

"Hey, what's keepin' ya?!" Jameson yelled again. "These pancakes ain't gonna eat themselves!"

"I'm coming!" Jasper yelled as she tossed a towel over her shoulders and marched out of her room.

"Have fun, Whitney!" Lauren called as she dropped Whitney off at her new high school. "Hope you can make at least one friend today!"

"I hope so too. Love you, Mom!" Whitney yelled back as she turned around to gaze at Crystal High, the number one high school in Little Homestead, and all the cliques that came with being a high school.

"Okay, Jasper, try not to get into too much trouble this year." Jameson said to his daughter as his tow truck pulled up right behind Whitney as the latter girl walked towards the building. "There are only so many football accidents I can help you out of."

"See you later, pops." Jasper responded as she prepared to get out, but her father interrupted her with a hand on her brawny shoulder. "Uh, what is it now?"

"Just wanna say I'm proud of ya for keeping it together." Jameson gave his daughter a genuine smile. "Welp, see ya later."

"Bye." Jasper waved goodbye to her crass but goodhearted dad as his tow truck drove away, and she turned on her heel to walk to another year of high school.

"Okay, Whitney, just gotta play it cool." Whitney said to herself as she looked around at all the various cliques surrounding her. "You're just a by-the-books, plain jane new girl in town who will no doubt initially be looked down upon by your peers for the first couple of weeks. Nothing too huge."

"Hey, new girl, over here!" an overeager dark-skinned girl dressed in teal colors yelled as she raced up to Whitney and gave her a welcoming handshake. "My name's Thea Zick. Welcome to Crystal High! You must be new in town. What's your name?!"

"Nice to meet you. I'm Whitney Topaz." Whitney introduced herself to Thea. "My family moved here from Riverdale a few days ago, and this is my first day here."

"I knew you were the new girl in town because I never saw your face before, and I know everyone's faces!" Thea replied happily. "Anyways, welcome to Crystal High, founded in 1987 by Dr. Rebecca Sucrose to further her goal of enriching the education of our youth community." She then began gesturing to each of the cliques. "Here, you can find all the usual cliques you'd see in all the high school movies. Like the cheerleaders, for example."

"They seem happy to be together again." Whitney nodded at the troupe of pink-and-blue uniform-wearing cheerleaders squeeing at seeing each other again after a long summer before taking notice of two in particular. The first had curly blonde hair with blue streaks, and the other had similarly colored hair tied into a ponytail with a golden bow.

"Wanna know a fun fact?" Thea asked. "The co-captains, Lucy and Zoey Lance, are the daughters of our art teacher, Lana Lance."

"Good to know." Whitney agreed before looking at a group of goths. "Those are the goths, right?"

"You bet." Thea proclaimed proudly before gesturing to other cliques. "You also got the nerds, the hipsters, the drama kids, the gamers, the artists, the preps, the delinquents, but our cream of the crop is the sports teams!"

"Yo Jasper, over here!" one of Jasper's fellow football players called for his captain, and they engaged in a secret handshake. "We missed ya, girl!"

"How did working in the old man's garage treat you?" another of Jasper's teammates asked.

"Check it!" Jasper replied as she flexed her muscles, amazing the football team and causing Whitney to gape in adoration.

"Oh yeah, the Crystal High Wildcats. Best football team in the school district!" Thea exclaimed before she noticed that her new friend was stunned. "Uh oh, somebody's got a crush!"

"What? No, I don't!" Whitney fibbed with a laugh. "I mean, she looks really cool and hot, but it's not like I'm going to lie awake at night thinking about her, right?"

"You keep telling yourself that." Thea smiled knowingly before she winced at another student approaching them. "Oh no, hide! It's her!"

"Who are you talking about?" Whitney asked as she saw her new classmates also tremble in fear, cuing the arrival of a tall, distinguished young woman with black hair sticking in an upward point, red-rimmed glasses, a black dress shirt, and matching pants. She was followed by a much smaller girl who could only reach up to her hips wearing a dark blue sweater-vest and pleated skirt, a woman with white high-heeled boots and a blue blouse with her hair in buns, and another cheerleader with a rather catlike face and a dark brown coat & matching hat. "Who are these girls?"

"I'll tell you later; just act natural!" Thea exclaimed as she nervously hid behind Whitney as the four girls approached the new students.

"We know you're hiding behind her, Thea." The lead girl in black announced, forcing Thea out of hiding. "Why didn't you tell us that we were getting a new student?"

"Oh, it's not my fault; she just got here!" Thea sweated in terror, her teeth chattering in fright, while Whitney stared blankly at the four high schoolers before her.

"Welcome to Crystal High, miss…." The lead girl greeted Whitney with a reach of her hand.

"Whitney Topaz." Whitney introduced herself as she shook the other girl's hand. "And you are?"

"My name is of no importance at the moment." The menacing greeter responded. "But since you asked, you may call me Ruth Black. Now, off to homeroom with you. Go on, vamoose!"

"Uhhhh…." Whitney said flatly as Ruth and her posse walked away.

"And the rest of you, get to your classes, or you're all getting a write-up!" Ruth yelled at her classmates, striking fear into their hearts as they scrambled to their homerooms. "That's right, stick to the status quo, everyone!"

"I'm guessing she's the mean girl I have to watch my step around?" Whitney asked Teal as the two blended in with the scrambling students.

"Ruth Black, student council president and effectively the ruler of this school." Thea replied. "We have a principal here, who's really great, by the way, but Ruth basically has everyone under her foot! We don't know why she wakes up in the morning feeling like making everyone's lives a nightmare, but I don't think we wanna know."

"That's terrible, she's terrible!" Whitney yelled loud enough for anyone around her to hear. "Some student council president she is; she's more like a psycho dictator!"

"You said it." Thea responded with a nod. "So many students have wanted to take her down a peg, but they're too scared to pull through with it because she's just that powerful!"

"Well, someone oughta do something about this!" Whitney declared. "In fact, I nominate myself to help everyone make their school year brighter!"

"Good on you for wanting to finish the fight!" Thea responded happily. "Hey, that reminds me, which homeroom teacher do you have?"

"Oh, I got Ms. Thomas." Whitney said. "How about you?"

"No way, me too!" Thea exclaimed. "She's in Room 111; I think you'll really like her!"

As the two girls searched for their homeroom, another girl whose left eye was hidden behind her bangs watched the duo's conversation before scurrying away to warn her superiors about Whitney's plans.

"I don't know, Miss Black, aren't these budget cuts a little drastic?" the guidance counselor Pearl Hall asked as she and Principal Estelle Garrett met with Ruth Black in the principal's office. "I mean, I consider music and art classes to be absolutely vital in youth development!"

"Oh please, I'm plenty developed as is." Ruth scoffed with a shrug. "I never required such classes, so why should everyone else?"

"Remember that regardless of your high status, you're just as much of a student here as the other teenagers here." Estelle tried to bring Ruth's egotism down a peg. "You may think that just because you emerged victorious in the student council elections, you'd use that as an excuse to abuse the power that comes with it, but-"

"Yeah, I know. I'm still just a girl at the end of the day!" Ruth unemphatically cut the principal off before she heard a knock at the door. "I'll get that." She opened the office door to find a panicked Irene on the other side, letting her in. "Irene, my trusted eyes and ears of the entire school, any updates?" Unfortunately, Irene was a little too exhausted and nervous to say any whole sentences, so Ruth just translated her panting. "Wait, Dripping Yellow Madness is back? I thought he moved out after the fifth grade!"

"I'm so sorry; I just ran fast because I needed to warn you." Irene replied. "It's that new girl, Whitney Topaz! She says she wants to change how you run this place, or something like that. She even outright called you a psycho dictator!"

"The new girl wants to help everyone?" Pearl exclaimed in delight. "I'm so excited!" An enraged Ruth glared at the guidance counselor. "I mean, I'm so scared!"

"Emergency council meeting at once." Ruth grumbled as she stormed out of Principal Garrett's office. "I will not tolerate this threat to my power!"

"Looks like someone can't tolerate change too." Estelle snarked as Ruth slammed the door on her way out. "Pearl, I suggest we keep an eye out on this Topaz girl. And tell the other teachers to do the same. I have a feeling she really could make a change here."

"I'll call them to your office during transition." Pearl smiled in response. "Ooh, finally, someone who can save us!"

Meanwhile, in Room 111, Mrs. Thomas's homeroom students were all sitting at their desks waiting for their teacher to arrive. Whitney and Thea were seated right next to each other, and unbeknownst to them at the moment, Jasper Brooks was sitting not too far away from the duo. Just then, a woman who looked more likely to be a student with an amethyst brooch attached to her black jacket strolled into the room and sat at her desk. "Morning, everyone. My name's Amy Thomas; I hope you had a great summer! Now, before we start rollcall, let's introduce the new student."

"Hi, everyone; my name's Whitney Topaz." Whitney greeted her new classmates with a smile. "I moved here from Riverdale in Empire State just last weekend, so I hope all of you are just as friendly as my old friends from there."

"Thanks for the heads-up, Whitney. Now let's get roll calling!" Mrs. Thomas said as she pulled out an attendance sheet. "Apologies if I'm going in random order; I didn't have enough time to alphabetize everything. Anyways, Tommy Oliver?"

"Here." A muscular man dressed in a green and white jacket said.

"Sue Heck?" Amy continued reading the attendance sheet.

"Present!" a dorky, brown-haired girl wearing braces exclaimed cheerfully.

"Joey Wheeler?"

"Nyeh, here." A blonde man shuffling a deck of cards responded with a Brooklyn accent.

"Candace Flynn?"

"Uh, here." An orange-haired girl with an unusually long neck said with an awkward wave of her hand.

"I think I like her already." Whitney said to Thea about Mrs. Thomas as the roll call continued. "She looks like she'd rather belong with us students, which makes her instantly relatable."

"Whitney Topaz?" Amy asked for Whitney's name.

"Here!" Whitney exclaimed while raising her hand.

"Good to know you're still onboard." Amy smiled at the new girl. "Thea Zick?"

"Ooh, that's me, that's me!" Thea waved her arms eagerly at hearing her name called.

"Chipper as always, TZ." Amy grinned before returning to roll call. "Okay, who's next? Jasper Brooks?"

"Here." Jasper snorted as she gazed out the window all nonchalantly, finally making Whitney realize that she had shared a homeroom with her new crush. Everything about her seemed perfect to the new student, from her big muscles to her punk rock outfit, the stripes on her arms, her wild hair, and that sense of rebellious nonchalance she carried with her.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing right now?!" Whitney muttered in shock to Thea. "That's the girl I had the hots for earlier! What was her name again?"

"Jasper Brooks, you have a crush on the Jasper Brooks!" Thea replied excitedly. "If you date her, maybe we could be in with the cool kids!"

"Okay everyone, that should be it for rollcall!" Amy declared as she finished listing off her homeroom students. "Go ahead and get comfortable until the bell rings." The students then began getting out of their desks to greet each other, talk about their summers, and get introduced to Whitney. But she had her eyes on someone else.

"Hi, my name's Whitney!" Whitney introduced herself to Jasper as she began blushing like no tomorrow. "I'm sure you've already heard my name a couple of dozen times, but I want to get to know you better! You're Jasper Brooks, right?"

"Yep." Jasper said tersely. "You said you were from Riverdale, right? Home of The Archies?"

"Oh yeah, Archie and his gang were all great pals." Whitney replied. "Maybe someday I could introduce you to them all. Speaking of which, you're on the football team, right?"

"Captain of the Crystal High Wildcats, to be precise." Jasper responded. "You want to come watch me practice after school?"

"Oh, I'd love to, but I have to get home so I can help my family unpack all our stuff from the move." Whitney declined sadly. "But if you'd like, maybe I could text you. Want my phone number? It's 1 (212) 867-5309."

"Thanks for the number." Jasper responded after entering Whitney's number into her phone. "I'll, uh, see you around. What classes do you have next?"

"I got art with Mrs. Lance." Whitney answered. "Ooh, I love art! This is gonna be so much fun!"

"What a coincidence, I got that class too." Jasper grinned in realization. "Any other classes we might happen to share?"

"Well, after that is gym with Ms. Matthews, then science with Mrs. Perry, English with Mr. Sanchez, Spanish with Senor Esteban, lunch, and finally math with Mr. Powers." Whitney responded. "You?"

"I got Matthews, Perry, and Powers too, coincidentally." Jasper added. "Wow, we got a lot of classes together. It's almost like we were destined to meet or something."

"Yeah, maybe." Whitney chuckled awkwardly as her blush got even brighter. Before Jasper could catch on, the two were cut off by Thea squealing in delight over their conversation. "Thea!"

"I can't believe it. Only one conversation, and you got her number!" Thea yelled excitedly. "This is going to be so awesome!" But contrary to what Thea said, someone didn't think things were awesome. Ruth Black shared a homeroom with Whitney, Jasper, and Thea, and she was not happy with what she had just watched.

As Whitney began getting used to her new routine at Crystal High and becoming closer to Jasper once homeroom ended, they were unwise to the fact that a sinister plot was brewing right beneath their noses.

"If it cannot break out of its shell, the chick will die without being born. We are the chick; the world is our egg." Ruth monologued to herself as the student council assembled in a meeting room under her orders. "If we don't crack the world's shell, we will die without being born. Smash the world's shell."

"For the revolution of the world!" the student council concluded for Ruth as they were seated at their places at the table. Aside from Ruth herself as their leader, there was the secretary Marina Black, one of the highest-scoring students in Crystal High; the hall monitor Agatha Holly, social media expert, treasurer, and cheer squad representative Catherine "Cat" Eyre. In addition, there was the debate team leader and council advisor Cindy Barr; dance squad leader Kylie Newman, class representative Piper Ryan; sports team manager Jazz Day and her girlfriend Zelda Sullivan; extracurricular activity manager Blair Stone; and co-advisor Xanthe Turner.

"Now, you may wonder why I have gathered you all today." Ruth inquired her council.

"Let me guess, is it that new girl everyone's been talking about?" Marina responded.

"Yes, exactly, it is because of the new girl." Ruth answered quietly before she started yelling. "OF COURSE IT'S BECAUSE OF THE NEW GIRL! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SOMEONE BE THIS MUCH OF A THREAT TO MY CONTROL OVER THIS SCHOOL AFTER ONLY A FEW PERIODS?!"

"Pardon me for asking Miss Black, but could anyone tell me who the new girl is?" Cindy asked her superior.

"Whitney Topaz, age 16, born February 4, 2001, in Riverdale, Empire State." Agatha read from Whitney's new records. "She has only just started here after moving out of Riverdale due to a job transfer, but it seems the girl has already made a name for herself."

"Haven't seen a new student become this notorious since that Parker boy from a few years back." Catherine purred as she typed away on her phone with a lollipop in her mouth. "Anyone remember him, the little dweeb who suddenly became on par with an Olympian and started getting all the girls?"

"I actually kinda miss that guy." Kylie replied. "We only went on one date before he had to run off, but he was a pretty sweet guy. I hope he and his aunt are doing well."

"Back on subject, we cannot let Whitney's rebellion continue," Ruth stated. "I didn't win the council election in a landslide and earned myself a full-ride scholarship to Diamond University just to let the mother of all generic awkward new girls try to take my place as the talk of the town! And what's worse? She's apparently had eyes for Jasper Brooks, my ex-girlfriend, might I add!"

The rest of the council gasped in shock before they erupted into chattering. "Am I hearing things, or is Whitney having feelings for Brooks of all people?" Jazz asked Zelda.

"Those two won't last a week!" Zelda rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"I'll give them eleven to twenty-two minutes." Piper added.

"We have to do something about this!" Blair yelled. "What kind of dirt on her family can we expose to the public and permanently tarnish her reputation? That always seems to work!"

"From what I've gathered, the Topazes seem to be your perfectly average upper-middle-class nuclear family." Xanthe answered coldly. "Not a one of them seems to have any criminal history, or at the very least have performed any dirty deeds for dirt cheap."

"Order everyone, order!" Ruth yelled as she commanded silence with a bang of a gavel. "We must act quickly before she does anything out of the ordinary! I have worked day and night, micromanaging this school to fit my expectations! Someone hand me Whitney's schedule!"

"Right here, Miss Black." Irene said as she handed the schedule to Ruth, who began looking it over.

"Well, what a surprise. It seems she and Jasper have some classes together this year." Ruth growled as she adjusted her glasses and was handed Jasper's schedule as well. "Girls, I have a little mission for you all."

Outside of the meeting, Whitney and Jasper were now at their next class of the day, which was art with Mrs. Lance, the mother of the cheerleading squad's co-captains Lucy and Zoey, dressed in a blue, short-sleeve sweater with gold cuffs, some blue jeans, and a pair of sandals.

"Good morning, everyone. I'm happy that you all made it today." Lana Lance greeted her students. "Considering that I'm in constant danger of losing my job because apparently, I don't teach any vital skills, I'm just delighted to see that people still want to learn art, or meep-morps as I call them."

"Uh, why do you call them meep-morps, anyways?" Whitney raised her hand with a question.

"I don't know, I just went out with the science teacher one night, and we thought it would be funny." Lana chuckled before she continued. "Anyways, over this school year, we'll be doing art projects together in groups of two, so pick your partner. You two will be stuck together for the whole year."

"I already know who I'm picking!" Whitney said as she looked at Jasper, who just blushed as she looked away.

"Oh, you're picking Jasper?" Lana asked Whitney. "What's your name, kid?"

"My name's Whitney Topaz." Whitney introduced herself to her art teacher. "Why, does Jasper not like working in pairs?"

"No, I just wanted to give you a little fun fact." Lana smirked at Jasper's expense. "Jasper actually had a crush on me the first time she was in my class."

"Mrs. Lance!" Jasper yelled in embarrassment. "I kept telling you, I was a dumb teenager at the time, and I'm over it now!"

"I know. I just find it so funny." Lana laughed. "Anyways, I want all my pairs to partner up and start drawing for the day. I shall hand out your sketchbooks immediately."

"What did Mrs. Lance say about constantly being in danger of joblessness?" Whitney murmured to Jasper as everyone received the sketchbooks they would keep for the year.

"Tyrannical student council thinks art isn't a valuable subject to teach." Jasper responded. "I'm sure you may have heard from Thea, but they rule this school."

"Art isn't valuable?!" Whitney exclaimed while Marina Blue secretly stole one of the sketchbooks to throw out, thus making Lana one book short of giving to a student. "Well, in my opinion, art is very valuable because it allows you to express yourself in infinite ways!"

"Ooh, sorry, Whitney, but I think we suddenly ran out of sketchbooks." Lana said sadly as she handed Jasper her empty sketchbook. "But if you'd like, I have some spares coming next week. Until then, maybe you can share with your partner."

"Sure, why not?" Jasper shrugged in agreement, making Whitney hug her new friend in excitement as Marina cursed herself for not considering the art teacher's quick thinking.

"Okay, now that we all have sketchbooks, let's start with a few basic portraits first." Lana stated as she guided her class through the lesson of the day.

Once art was finished, it was time for gym with Biddie Matthews, a powerfully built middle-aged woman easily identified by her dyed rainbow dreadlocks and a star tattoo on her upper arm. "Okay, gang, when you're in the gym with me, expect things to get a little intense! Now, I won't go so hard on you guys, but be warned that trips to the nurse's office will be frequent."

"Like, are you challenging me or something?" a hippie-looking boy with shaggy hair dared the gym teacher.

"Easy, Rogers." Biddie said to the student. "Now, in my gym, I got three rules you should all live by! One, be quick on your feet, because you never know when there's a bad situation where you need to hightail out of there. Two, keep a cool head. Gym can be stressful, but don't get too wound up when you screw up. And three, there's no such thing as "I can't do this." We don't go no time for such negativity. The only words you need are, "Let me give this a shot." Are we clear on that?!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Biddie's students declared obediently.

"That's what I wanna hear out of my class!" Biddie exclaimed proudly. "Now then, first things first, let's indulge in an old classic." She whipped out a dodgeball from behind her back. "Last man standing wins!"

"Oh poo, dodgeball." Jasper groaned in disgust.

"Come on, Jasper, dodgeball is pretty fun." Whitney smiled happily as the madness began.

"Not with Ms. Matthews." Jasper said as she casually punched a dodgeball away from her and Whitney. "She means well, but when she's in the zone, there's no stopping her."

"Watch out!" Whitney yelled as she dove in front of Jasper to protect her from another dodgeball. This one seemed to hit harder than all the rest, as if it was filled with rocks or something. "I'm okay!"

"Thanks, Whitney!" Jasper thanked Whitney while helping her up, the two of them unaware that the rock-filled dodgeball was courtesy of Kylie, who chuckled mischievously as she retreated into the shadows.

"Okay, clods, listen up!" the diminutive science teacher Dot Perry declared harshly while dramatically blowing her green lab-coat back like a cape. "I run a pretty tight ship here, so I won't tolerate any kind of chicanery here!"

"Uh, Mrs. Perry, what will we do here?" Whitney asked while raising her hand.

"Come on, if you ever took science class, you should know what to expect here." Dot answered. "We'll be doing experiments, discussing the scientific method, learning about chemistry, anatomy, genetics, and all sorts of things! But thanks to a certain student council, they won't be as fun and exciting as you'd think science would be."

"Well, that's not very fair." Whitney pouted. "Someone should do something about this, someone like me!"

"Oh, I've heard about you around school lately." Dot proclaimed. "You're the new girl, Whitney Topaz, right? Maybe your free thinking could help make a change around here."

"Oh, thank you, I'd be honored to be your teaching assistant around here!" Whitney yelled excitedly and shook Mrs. Perry's hand. "I think this school needs a little touch of Riverdale friendliness!" Catherine simply rolled her eyes at Whitney's declaration before writing down ideas for sabotage in her notebook.

Next up on Whitney's schedule was English, which was the first class she didn't share with Jasper. On the plus side, she finally reunited with Thea at last, and Thea has already begun spreading the good word about Whitney's efforts to overturn Ruth's tyranny, making her the talk of the class as Mr. Sanchez began speaking.

"Okay, guys, if we're done talking about the new girl, then allow me to introduce myself." Mr. Sanchez said after gulping a can of soda and burping. "My name is Mr. Sanchez, and I'll be your English teacher for the year. Let's get some ground rules out of the way first." While the English teacher began his lecture, Cindy spied on Whitney and Thea from the back of the room, noticing how close the two had become today.

Another class Whitney and Thea shared together was Spanish with Senor Esteban, and they were in the same class as another student council member. Agatha Holly was recording their interactions and how close they seemed while balancing it with dutifully paying attention to Senor Esteban.

Following Spanish, it was time for lunch, but unfortunately for Whitney, the food being served didn't seem all that inviting to her.

"Beef jerky, clams, grape punch." The lunch lady said flatly as she served Whitney precisely that.

"Wait, is this all we're being served for lunch?" Whitney asked about her lunch. "Man, this is pretty boring."

"Student council says it's still good for you, no matter how bland it is." The lunch lady responded. "Clams are good for your heart, beef jerky is filled is protein, minerals, and vitamins, and grape punch has a decent amount of carbs."

"Yeah, but would it kill you to have more variety?" Whitney suggested. "Like, try something new like pizza, nachos, burgers, anything zestier than this!"

"You know, you got a good point." The lunch lady agreed with a smile. "Hey, you're that new kid, right? Thanks for the tip. Now please move. You're holding up the line."

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" Whitney apologized as she noticed all her impatient classmates in line to get their meals as she raced towards the nearest open table, which coincidentally was where Thea and Jasper were sitting. "Hey, guys! Did you save a spot for little ol' me?"

"You bet we did!" Thea replied happily and hugged Whitney. "So what took you so long?"

"I just wanted to point out to the lunchlady that she should have some more variety in our lunches." Whitney explained. "I mean seriously, beef jerky, clams, and grape punch every day?"

"Been that way ever since Ruth took power." Jasper revealed before she pulled out a paper bag with her name on it. "Luckily, I had my dad pack my lunch ever since."

"Aw, that's so sweet." Whitney cooed as Jasper pulled out a peanut butter sandwich, some tater tots, a bottle of chocolate milk, and a small pack of ketchup. "Anyone want to share?"

"How could I not?" Whitney laughed and reached for the same tot that Jasper was going to take, causing the two to blush at each other while Thea watched as she drank her grape punch. Meanwhile, some student council members gathered at another table not too far away.

"The others were right. They are close." Xanthe stated while sitting down with Jazz, Zelda, Piper, Blair, and Irene. "Maybe a little too close."

"What if we try breaking them up somehow?" Piper suggested while cracking open a clam. "You all know I love some good romantic drama."

"Unfortunately, as Xanthe said, there's nothing we can do to spoil her reputation." Zelda declared. "Unless one of us perhaps makes her an offer she can't possibly refuse."

"Are you suggesting we get her to join us?" Jazz wondered eagerly. "I love your thinking, honey bear!"

"Ooh, Jazzy, you dog!" Zelda barked seductively, much to the annoyance of Piper, Blair, and Irene.

"Get a room, you two!" Blair yelled at the couple. "Or, in this case, a doghouse."

"I'll do it." Irene nominated herself to make the offer without being prompted and marched over to Whitney, Jasper, and Thea's table. "Hello there, Miss Topaz. Since you are so popular around here, might I suggest an opportunity to join us at the student council?"

Thea was momentarily terrified, but thankfully her concerns were alleviated by Whitney's answer. "Oh, that'd be great, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline for now."

"Rats!" Irene shouted and marched back to her table in shame.

While Whitney had lunch with her new best friend and her crush, some of her new teachers had gotten together to discuss the new arrival to Crystal High.

"So, it's great that you all found the time to join us today." Pearl said to Lana, Biddie, Amy, and Dot. "And I suppose you might already know why you're here."

"Whitney." Lana and Dot said in unison.

"Whitney." Biddie added.

"Whitney!" Amy declared. "She really brightened my day the moment I called her name."

"Now, let's not shill Whitney too much, lest her head gets as big as Ruth's." Garrett snickered before looking up at a painting dedicated to their old friend and the school's former principal Rosemary Diamond. "But her kind heart and free-thinking really remind me of Rose back when we attended Diamond University together."

"I miss Rose." Amy replied nostalgically. "Maybe we should get back together for lunch someday."

"Oh, that would be great!" Pearl agreed with the homeroom teacher while trying to hide her blush, indicating that she still held a torch for Rose. "Now, back to Whitney, I find it amazing that she wants to change our student body for the better."

"Yeah, plus I'd no longer have to be in danger of unemployment now." Lana stated. "What do you think? Should I get Lucy and Zoey to put her on the cheer squad?"

"Ooh, I got a better idea!" Dot exclaimed. "Why don't we have her give a big speech at the big game in a few weeks?"

"That would be a great idea!" Biddie concurred with the science teacher's idea. "That way, everyone can do their part in cleaning up this school!"

"Then it's agreed." Estelle smiled. "I'll call her parents at once and see what they think. I'm sure they'll love to hear what we think about their daughter."

"Good grief, who had the bright idea of teaching math at the end of the day?" Jasper grumbled as she and Whitney headed to their final class for the day together. "I mean, school is already stressful enough, but putting the most stressful subject you can imagine at the end of the day? It's absurd!"

"Well, don't you worry your pretty little head because you got me to keep you sane till it's time to go." Whitney replied while patting Jasper on the head. "Besides, you got practice later, so that should allow you to vent your frustrations healthily."

"Hey, new girl!" Lucy Lance exclaimed as she and her younger sister Zoey approached Whitney and Jasper. "We've heard that you've been doing wonders for the other students, and personally, I think your positive attitude would be killer for the squad!"

"Yeah, wanna come practice with us?" Zoey added. "We got a spare pair of pom poms with your name on them!"

"Oh, I'd love to join the squad, but I think I'll have to turn you guys down for now." Whitney declined the Lance sisters' offer. "But I'd totally be open to joining later when I have the time. When can I come to tryouts?"

"We'll be holding them in a few weeks." Zoey revealed. "Be there or be square!"

"It's a date!" Whitney responded happily as she took Jasper's hand, and the four girls walked into math class together. Once again, however, not one of them realized that a student council member was watching them. Furious about Whitney possibly being on the same cheerleading team as her, Catherine gritted her teeth so hard that she broke the candy part into pieces.

"Hey everyone, I'm home!" Whitney called to her family once she returned home at the end of the day after saying goodbye to Jasper and Thea.

"Welcome back, Whitney!" Lauren replied as she fixed an after-school snack for Kenny. "How was your first day today?"

"It was good." Whitney answered as she sat down at the kitchen table. "I managed to make some new friends, but they were all being oppressed by this really horrible student council, and I saw fit to try and change things, which quickly made me the talk of the town."

"Oh, that reminds me, honey." Ash said as he emerged from another room with a phone in hand. "I got a call from the principal earlier, and apparently, they're so happy with what you're doing; they even said they want you to make a big speech at the big game later this month!"

"Oh my gosh, really?!" Kenny exclaimed in delight. "Whitty, that's awesome!"

"I know, right?!" Whitney replied as the Topaz family got together for a big group hug. "And even better, I think I got a crush on someone!"

"A crush already?" Ash grinned. "And on the first day of school, no less. Back when I was in high school, it only took until the Halloween party for your mother and I to get together."

"That reminds me, you need any help with your speech?" Lauren asked her daughter.

"Naw, I think I already know what to write." Whitney said as she left the kitchen and went to her room to write her speech. "Just wait till everyone back at Riverdale hears about this!" Opening up her laptop and creating a new document to type on, Whitney began jotting down her speech. "Thank you, Crystal High, for making me feel so welcome here."

As the weeks progressed, more students and teachers became influenced by Whitney's positive thinking and free spirit the more they got to know her. No longer would they be shackled by Ruth's tyranny. Instead, they'd be free to do whatever they wanted. Dot was able to make science class more interesting, the lunches had more variety, Lana could no longer worry about losing her job, and the student council's authority was being questioned more often by the day. Ruth Black couldn't stand it any longer, Whitney needed to be brought to her level no matter what, and she knew just what to do.

Eventually, it came time for the big football game to kick off the fall sports season between the Little Homestead Wildcats and the Keystone Oxen. Sports fans from across town gathered at the school football stadium, eager to watch the intense action between the rival teams. The two teams were evenly matched by halftime, with the score being 12 to 12.

"We are the Wildcats!" the school's cheerleading team sang, with Lucy and Zoey taking the lead. "We're here to win this game! And if you think we can't, we'll try all the same!" As their cheer concluded, the squad began forming a pyramid. "That's why the students of Little Homestead, will cheer for!"

"Lacey Carruthers!" Desirée Glass exclaimed.

"Toni Paul!" Catherine added.

"And Olivia Snow." Zoey sang.

"And Jasper Brooks!" Lucy concluded, to the rejoicing of their adoring fans as the pyramid came apart and Lucy was handed a megaphone. "Thanks for coming out, everyone! Yes, we're all very beautiful, and our players are the cream of the crop, but tonight, we got a special announcement to make."

"Everyone's favorite new kid in town, Whitney Topaz, is here to give a very special speech!" Zoey exclaimed as she ripped the megaphone from her sister's hands. "Now, let's make some noise!"

As the crowd began chanting for Whitney, Catherine snuck away from her fellow cheerleaders and saw Ruth in the audience before giving her a knowing wink. "Good luck out there, sweetheart!" Catherine purred as she passed by the Topaz family and Thea in the stadium halls, covertly stealing Whitney's speech and replacing it with a fake and more profane copy. "Trust me, word of mouth will spread fast."

"Hey, thanks Cat." Whitney smiled as she walked out to the stadium, blissfully unaware that her life could soon be over.

"Good luck, dear!" Ash called out to Whitney before he saw Jasper passing him by, ready to hit the showers. "Hello there! You must be Jasper, right?" he asked. "My name's Ash; I'm Whitney's father. Meet my wife Lauren and our son Kenny."

"Wow, you're just as big as I'd thought you'd be!" Kenny gasped in awe at Jasper's size.

"Ha, that's what she said!" Jasper cackled and tried giving Kenny a high-five, but he had no idea what she had just said.

"Uh, what did she say?" Kenny asked curiously, his innocent ears trying to comprehend the football player's dirty joke.

"You'll know when you're older." Lauren laughed as she covered her son's ears before she noticed something at her feet. "Hey, what's that paper for?"

"Let me see that." Jasper said as she picked up the paper and began to read it, coming to the slow and horrified realization that she was reading Whitney's speech and had seemingly forgotten it. "Oh no, I have to get this to her, quick!"

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Ash replied. "Go, go, go!" At the father's command, Jasper raced out to the field to help Whitney before she could make a huge mistake.

"Everything is going according to plan." Ruth smirked as Whitney walked onto the green field, ready to give her speech. "Thanks to Irene, I learned that the teachers offered Whitney to make a speech about how much she will change the school. But luckily, I was able to forge a fake speech in the nick of time that will no doubt ruin her cred the moment she finishes it! All the profanity, all the prejudiced remarks, seeing the reactions will be so invigorating!"

"Good evening, everyone; thank you so much for having me here tonight." Whitney said to the spectators. "First off, I just want to thank Principal Garrett and all the wonderful teachers of Crystal High for giving me this opportunity to spread my mission of love and change to everyone here tonight." The crowd began cheering for the principal and her employees before Whitney continued. "Anyways, I've worked very hard on this speech for the past couple of weeks, and I'd be pleased as punch to share it with you all."

"Whitney, WAIT!" Jasper yelled as she raced back onto the field with Whitney's real speech in hand. "You forgot this. I found it on the floor."

"Wait, that can't be my speech; this is my speech!" Whitney said before she opened her paper to discover the false and very crude speech written to taint her reputation. And the one thing that indicated who the writer was. "Wait, "Student Council rules, Whitney Topaz drools"?!"

"Oh no, she's onto us!" Ruth exclaimed as the student council attempted to make a break for it, only to be cornered at every turn by their fellow spectators who were not happy with their attempted sabotage. "No, this can't be happening!"

"Oh yes, it is, Miss Black." Estelle said as she and Pearl loomed over Ruth. "Did you seriously forge a speech to ruin Whitney's reputation?"

"Yes, of course I did because I was jealous!" Ruth hurriedly admitted. "Jealous that this new girl who's only been in school for a few weeks, yet everyone loves her and fears me! Why is it always the nice people that get attention instead of the ones who demand your respect?!"

"Well, maybe it's because they actually do unto others as they would do to them." Pearl scoffed. "Honestly, Ruth, I expected better from you. As of today, you will be removed from the student council. And we need to discuss that scholarship of yours too."

This caused all the students to cheer over finally being freed from Ruth's tyranny as Ruth herself curled up into a ball of woe. And then, as if to hammer her despair in even further, her former slaves started singing.

"Finally free, finally free, finally free everyone!" everyone began performing an expertly choreographed musical number to celebrate. "Finally free, finally free, finally free, let's have fun! Finally free to just be me!"

"At long last, it's time for celebration! Let's bring down the house!" Whitney began singing along with the crowd and had her first kiss with Jasper in the process, sealing their romance. "It's meant to be that we can all be free; come on and sing it loud!"

"Did you think you'd have us all under control?! My, you took a real nasty fall!" Jasper tauntingly harmonized in Ruth's face, who was simply not having enough of it and decided to make herself scarce. "If we just loved each other for who we are, then we can-"

"TOPAZ!" Jasper's voice echoed throughout the field of dancing spectators, much to Whitney's surprise. "TOPAZ!"

"Wait, Jasper?" Whitney asked. "I thought we were all singing?"

"Singing?" Jasper replied. "You need to wake up!"

"Yo, is she gonna be okay?" Amethyst asked as she, Jasper, Garnet, Pearl, Teal Zircon, Lapis, Peridot, Bismuth, Black Rutile's gang, and the Lapis twins all gazed upon a sleeping White Topaz. "Can I poke her even harder?"

"AGH, FINALLY FREE!" White Topaz yelled as she finally woke up and saw all her friends, and others in her company, surrounding her. "What just happened?"

"You fell asleep binging all those Boarding School Broadway movies," Garnet replied. "Is anything the matter?"

"I had the craziest dream, and everyone I knew was there!" White Topaz exclaimed before pointing to everyone she saw in her dream. "And you were there, and you were there, and you! And we were all humans in high school!"

"High school?" Pearl raised an eyebrow at White Topaz's declaration. "Like in Peridot's fanfictions?"

"Ah yes, the high school AU." Peridot observed with a hand to her chin. "Tell me all the details, White Topaz."

"Well, I was the new girl in town, and Black Rutile was the student council president who ruled the school with an iron fist!" White Topaz explained, earning her a glare from her former superior. "Jasper was the football captain I had a crush on, Teal was my first best friend, my teachers included Amethyst, Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth, and I was about to accidentally ruin my reputation before the situation was resolved in a pretty rushed fashion."

"Okay, I think we need to simmer down on all those weird teen shows and movies for you." Lapis smirked as she turned off the movie. "And I thought chili gave you vivid dreams." The preceding one-liner incited mass laughter from the Gems gathered, but it quickly turned awkward and strained before stopping entirely.

"Now what?" Bismuth asked.

Now what indeed, Bismuth. This was certainly an interesting and very long chapter to write, and yes, I do admit I had to rush that ending to get it out on time. But in all seriousness, I think I had fun writing my take on a Human Gems AU and if you've seen my episode list, this won't be the last time the concept will be brought up. But in the meantime, next up is a very special two-parter featuring our favorite parody of the MI6 agent on her majesty's secret service with a license to kill. Ladies and gentlemen, next chapter will reintroduce us to Jones. Bane Jones.

#steven universe #steven universe future #fanfiction #steven universe alternate future #little homeworld life #white topaz #jasper #teal zircon #garnet #amethyst #pearl #peridot #lapis lazuli #bismuth #black rutile

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mayihavethisdanse · 3 years

Text

“What is this, the Dark Ages?”

Or, Arthurian themes and allusions in the Brotherhood of Steel mythos as seen in Fallout 4. (But that’s a lot of words.)

Yep. We're doing this.

First, some obligatory caveats: there is no single Arthurian canon, just 1500 years of assorted fanfic based on the whims of whoever was writing at the time. For this extremely highbrow Tumblr meta, I have ignored most of it and drawn on my favorites. Also Wikipedia.

Also, I am not an expert in Arthurian literature (or Fallout lore, come to that), and I preemptively beg the pardon of anyone who is.

Finally, in no way am I claiming that all these parallels and thematic echoes are deliberate or even significant. In fact, I'd break it down into:

Clearly deliberate allusions, whether in or out of universe;

Probably coincidence, but could be someone deliberately capitalizing on a coincidental similarity;

Almost certainly coincidence, but fun to speculate about; annnnd

Blatant Monty Python references. (Because of course there are.)

I'll start with the big one.

Arthur Maxson, boy king and unifier

(source)

So across all the retellings and variations of King Arthur’s life story, there are a few consistent elements, particularly in his early life and rise to power. Some of these threads are echoed in the Fallout universe, specifically (and unsurprisingly) in the person of Arthur Maxson.

Both the legendary King Arthur and Arthur Maxson were born with a claim to power lying in their ancestry, both were fostered away from their families, and both proved themselves in combat at a young age.

King Arthur united the warring kingdoms of Britain into a single entity, making them stronger against outsiders and receiving general admiration and acclaim. Arthur Maxson united the divided factions of the BoS after the events of Fallout 3 and is held in similarly high regard by his men.

The name Prydwen is a reference to the ship of the original King Arthur. Presumably, Arthur Maxson (or someone in the BoS who anticipated his promotion) christened the airship in a deliberate homage to the Arthurian myth.

King Arthur is associated with his legendary sword. I think it’s notable that Maxson’s legend is associated with a bladed weapon, too. ("He killed a DEATHCLAW with a COMBAT KNIFE!”)

Probably coincidence, but fun: the historical emperor Magnus Maximus, who pops up a lot in early Arthurian legend, was known in Welsh as... Macsen. (⌐■_■)

Round Table, but make it dieselpunk

(Continued under the cut.)

Moving away from obvious allusions and into some looser parallels:

Like the Round Table, the Brotherhood is an exclusive knightly order with its leader being the one able to open it up to his chosen few.

Like the Round Table, the BoS sees itself as defending human civilization against forces of chaos. (I’ll touch on their tech-hoarding tendencies when I get to the Grail stuff.) This idea of civilization in the face of chaos goes back to the BoS’s founding, even though the level of isolationism we see in most of the Fallout franchise is not exactly what founder Roger Maxson had in mind: “Notably, Maxson's ultimate intention was to establish the Brotherhood as an organization that works closely with people outside of the Brotherhood, as guardians of civilizations, not its gatekeepers.” (source) In a lot of ways, Arthur Maxson represents a return to his ancestor’s original ideals.

Renegade knights? Internal politics? Traitors within? We gotchu.

In both the medieval legends and in all chapters of the BoS we’ve seen, there’s a big focus on bloodlines (ew). Ironically, it’s probably Arthur Maxson’s unquestionable ancestry that allows him to be more progressive than either of his East Coast predecessors when it comes to boosting Brotherhood numbers by recruitment (even though you can still see a clear division between “born Brotherhood” and recruited soldiers, but that’s a topic for another day). Maxson sees himself as an Elder who "cares for the people"—however misguided and patronizing that attitude might be—and whatever else you might say about the guy, you can't say he doesn't believe he has a duty. Which brings us to…

Know Your Enemy: Danse as Gawain

Before I start this section, an acknowledgement of authorial bias:

Gawain, as portrayed in the Middle English poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, is my very favorite of King Arthur’s knights. (Other stories aren't always as flattering, but like I said at the outset: I'm sticking to the ones I like.)

That poem is my very favorite piece of medieval Arthurian literature. In this section, I'll refer to the modern English translation by Simon Armitage.

...that’s it, I have no other biases to disclose.

What? 👀

(Art: Clive Hicks-Jenkins)

All right. So in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, you’ve got this himbo loyal knight of Arthur’s who finds himself caught up in... you know what, let me just paste in the Wikipedia summary. (The Toast, RIP, also did a pretty entertaining and more-or-less accurate recap.)

It describes how Sir Gawain, a knight of King Arthur's Round Table, accepts a challenge from a mysterious "Green Knight" who dares any knight to strike him with his axe if he will take a return blow in a year and a day. Gawain accepts and beheads him with his blow, at which the Green Knight stands up, picks up his head and reminds Gawain of the appointed time. In his struggles to keep his bargain, Gawain demonstrates chivalry and loyalty until his honour is called into question by a test involving the lord and the lady of the castle where he is a guest.

Don’t worry too much about the plot details, though; for this post, I’m more interested in the thematic parallels. The Green Knight story is full of contrasts: order vs. chaos, civilization vs. wilderness, mortal man vs. Other... but let’s start with Gawain himself.

Some stuff to know about Gawain:

He was "as good as the purest gold, devoid of vices but virtuous and loyal". Gawain took his principles more seriously even than the rest of Arthur’s knights, not out of pride but out of humility: "I would rather drop dead than default from duty," he says.

He’s faithful and honorable and never even tempted to betray an oath, even when offered every variety of seduction and riches, except for a single moment of weakness in a desperate desire not to be executed for random shit by powerful forces for reasons he doesn't understand.

Even though he doesn’t really understand why he needs to die, he sticks to his oath. Gawain's one weakness is a moment of desperate, private, human desire for survival. He'll submit to the headsman’s axe if he has to, but he'd still rather live.

Above all, Gawain is the ideal of a human man: he might be the bravest and loyal man there is, but he’s still fundamentally human.

You can probably see where I'm going with this.

A few more fun facts about Gawain that resonate with Paladin Danse’s story:

He’s got a bunch of really shitty brothers. (No comment.)

Gawain (SPOILERS!) doesn't actually end up beheaded, but he does willingly kneel for his execution and gets a cut on the throat as a reminder of his sin. And, uh, Danse can also get his throat cut! It doesn’t end as nicely but it’s, you know, a thing that can happen.

Gawain might be a really good guy, and he tries really hard to be one, but in the end he’s nothing more than that: there’s nothing supernatural about him, he has no special powers beyond his own principles and devotion. He’s just a dude doing his Best.

Wait, why not Danselot?

Oh, that guy? Here’s the thing.

Lancelot personifies the continental ideals of courtly love that became popular in the High Middle Ages. Central to his story is the prioritization of personal relationships and romantic feelings in a way that you don’t really see in Gawain's, at least in the Green Knight tale. (Later stories hook Gawain up with an extremely delightful lady, but even that is a different flavor of romance than Lancelot's and has more to do with Gawain honoring his word and his egalitarian treatment of women (hell yeah). In the poem, Gawain is impressed by Bertilak's wife but resists her temptation; in fact, the biggest risk is not that he'll yield to her advances but that he'll be discourteous to her, i.e., violate his principles and cause dishonor to his king and his host.)

Lancelot is driven by passions over principles in a way that Gawain never really is (at least in the stories I’m talking about; later writers have committed character assassination to various degrees). Yes, you could argue that both Gawain and Lancelot betray their oaths, but Lancelot’s betrayal is never, um, blind. He knows what he’s doing and makes a deliberate choice to prioritize his love for the queen over his love for the king. It doesn’t make him a bad guy—he too is an ideal knight with one fatal flaw—but his character isn’t as comparable to Paladin Danse.

Yeah, Gawain is (in most stories) a prince and a kinsman of Arthur’s, but he’s ultimately a native boy who doesn’t break the mold of a Knight of the Round Table. Likewise, Danse is portrayed as competent and valuable to the BoS, but not exceptional or breaking the mold of what a BoS soldier should be: he simply represents the ideal. Meanwhile, Lancelot is a foreign prince who was marked from childhood as special and fancy, and his storyline goes alllll over the place. (Much like this post.)

For example, Lancelot goes to absolutely absurd extremes to prove his devotion for no other reason than to prove it. (“I’ll do any useless humiliating thing you want. I’ll betray every oath except the one I made to you. That’s what love is!”) Gawain would never. Danse would never.

Ultimately, Gawain's tests are of his character and not of his love. And like Gawain, Danse’s devotion is to service and his principles, not to another person—even Arthur Maxson.

All that said, there are some similarities: both are beloved by Arthur, both are held up as the ideal of what a knight should be. And even if their fatal flaws are different, both make the point that no matter how good and brave and loyal they might be, no human being can be perfect.

(Except Galahad. Who is, as a result, very boring.)

I’ll conclude this section with a quote from someone else’s take on the Greek Knight poem:

I like Gawain. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying his best which is all any of us can do. He’s not like the other knights in the Arthurian legends who occasionally ‘accidentally’ kill women on their little adventures and then feel hard done by when they have to deal with the consequences of that. Gawain holds himself to a high standard – higher, it seems, than Arthur and his knights hold him to considering how hard they laugh when Gawain tells them how bad he feels about the whole thing.

I think Gawain is very relatable in this story. We all want to be better than we actually are.

And that, more than anything else, is Danse.

The Grail myth

What’s that? Lost relics of power? Better send some large armed men after ‘em!

The parallels to the BoS’s tech-hoarding ways are obvious enough that the games themselves lampshade them (albeit by way of Monty Python). But it also ties into the larger themes of “purity” versus “corruption” and the BoS’s self-image as a bastion between civilization and chaos. (See Maxson's line in response to the Sole Survivor’s quip about the Dark Ages: “Judging from the state of the world, it wouldn't be a stretch to say we're living in that era again.”)

But the ultimate futility of the Grail mission is also worthy of note. The BoS might want the power of prewar tech on their side, but they’re no more to be trusted with it than any other group of human beings. No matter how they try, the “corruption” of humanity can’t be overcome as long as they’re striving to harness power for their own ends. You can only achieve power by surrendering control of it.

The death of Arthur

The nature of gameplay being what it is, it's not guaranteed that the Arthur figure will be fatally betrayed, bringing Camelot down with him—but it's not unlikely, either.

Awkward.

Some final spitballing:

Outside the Brotherhood, there are some fun parallels of the Arthur myth with the rest of Fallout 4. Betrayal by one’s own son, for example.

The key difference between the BoS and the legendary Round Table: King Arthur’s knights, for all their flaws and human weaknesses, are usually presented as unambiguous Good Guys. The BoS is... a little more ambiguous...

...but damn if they don’t think they're the good guys.

A-ad victoriam, fellas!

#fallout #fallout 4 #brotherhood of steel #arthur maxson #paladin danse #sir gawain and the green knight #sir gawain #gawain #knights of the round table #king arthur #elder maxson #fallout 3 #fallout lore #maxson #roger maxson #look mom I did a meta

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andie-cake · 3 years

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perhabs,, early relationship, Paul wanting affection but being anxious and not knowing how to go about it?

Ceej, you understand me and my Paul hcs on a spiritual level, thank you for my rights and an excuse to write soft nonsense. It's uh... It's a little long.

Being in an honest-to-god romantic relationship was taking a bit of re-getting used to for Paul. He hadn't dated anyone since college, and suddenly wham, he's head over heels for a cute, snarky barista who seems to return his affections. It was odd, but no less wonderful, feeling his heart flutter in his chest whenever Emma so much as smiled at him. He hadn't felt this way about someone in damn near a decade, and then this beautiful 5'0 biology student walked into his life, and god, his brain just didn't know how to handle it.

Paul and Emma had started seeing each other around late October, hooking up in the Beanies break room during a Halloween party her boss Nora had thrown. It was mid-December now, a week and a half before Christmas, and things were still going strong between them. Though there had been... something strange on Paul's mind for a few weeks now, something that had never bothered him before in his past relationships.

Paul was a tactile guy with people he liked, something his friends all knew well. He was never sure exactly how he'd rank the five love languages as applied to himself, but touch was definitely his number one. Casual shoulder squeezes and light nudges were common gestures of his among friends, as Bill could easily attest. With romantic partners, this was cranked up a bit. Lots of light kisses to their temple or resting his hand on their back, stuff like that. It was always the easiest way for him to show that he cared. His partners... were never as tactile as him. It was very all give and no take on Paul's end when it came to physical affection, and he hadn't really minded it. At least, he was pretty sure he hadn't...

But now? With Emma? Her touch was something he actively craved. And it's not as if Emma never touched him outside of sex, far from it, she was probably the most physically affectionate partner Paul had ever had. She held his hand, kissed his cheek, cuddled up against him during movie nights, and gave him playful little jabs in the side when he was being a smartass. But she wasn't quite as casually affectionate as Paul was with her, and he couldn't help but wish she was.

And sweet jesus christ, did Paul find it embarrassing. It made him feel like some dopey lovesick teenager whenever he thought about it. Like, what was he supposed to do? Ask her to touch him more often? He'd sound like a total fucking weirdo if he tried to explain it to her. But still, he couldn't help but think about it a lot.

It had been a lazy Sunday evening, the one day of the week when neither half of the couple had work. And of course, they were... taking advantage of their day off, as it were. On Paul's living room couch, no less. They'd just finished up, and Emma had gone off to use his shower and whatnot. After washing up a bit, Paul had promptly put some comfy sleepwear on (because it was December in Michigan and Paul was not one to lounge around in the nude with temperatures like that outside), and was now absentmindedly channel surfing whilst laying on the couch.

Nearly half an hour later, Emma had emerged from the bathroom, hair tied into a braid and clad in a bright red hoodie that Paul recognized as his own. He couldn't help but smile, it was so big on her, and she looked adorable in it.

"Find anything to watch while I was in there?" she asked.

"Hallmark movies, a bunch of stock Christmas faire, and like three separate Harry Potter marathons," Paul replied. "None of which I'm particularly interested in watching, so we might have to retreat to the DVD shelf again."

Emma shrugged. "Hey, fine by me, TV edits are usually garbage fires anyway," she said. She strode over to the other side of the living room, where Paul kept his DVDs, and eyed the shelf. After a minute or two, she plucked a case off the shelf, snickering. "Monty Python: Life of Brian, that's a Christmas movie, right?"

"Absolutely," Paul quipped. "Anything can be a Christmas movie if you stretch the definition enough."

"Good, because I wanna watch Monty Python."

After popping the disk in, she turned back to the couch, and Paul sat up to give her some room. As she sat back down, Paul took in the sight of her. God, she was lovely. And she looked so cozy in his hoodie, it was hard not to find the sight of her absolutely heart-melting. His heart fluttered a bit, he was getting that feeling again. Unfortunately, Paul found himself staring at her instead of the screen for a bit too long, and she took notice.

"Paul?" she piped up, snapping him out of his trance with a befuddled smile. "You good, babe?"

Paul felt his cheeks flush. Had she ever called him "babe" before? "It's, uh... it's nothing," he stammered unconvincingly. "I just zoned out for a bit."

Emma, being the observant person she was, eyed him with skepticism. "You look like you have something on your mind," she noted. "What's up?"

Well, shit. Feeling his face burn hotter, Paul attempted to weasel himself out of this inevitable awkward conversation.

"N-nothing's up, I'm fine!" he tried to assure her, perhaps too defensively to sound convincing.

"That's the voice of a man who definitely has something up," Emma observed. She grabbed the remote, and paused the film before continuing. "Something's bothering you, Paul, I can tell."

"It-it's just..." Paul tried to begin, feeling momentarily reassured by Emma's soft gaze. But when the right words wouldn't come to him, he groaned and buried his flushing face in his hands. God, why was he like this? "Nevermind, it's really stupid, can we just watch the movie, please?"

"Paul, I know stupid, I work at Beanies," Emma retorted playfully, earning a brief chuckle from Paul. "Whatever's bothering you, it can't be any worse than the shit my co-workers complain about on the daily. I promise you I won't laugh."

Paul removed his hands from his face, meeting her gentle gaze once more. "You mean it?"

She nodded. "I'm all ears."

Exhaling a deep breath, Paul took a moment to think of how to word his self-imposed predicament in the least stupid way possible. Probably best to start small.

"Um, y'know how... when we watch movies or whatever together," he began, trying to force himself to talk above a whisper. "You'll like, lean against my chest, and I'll wrap my arms around you and play with your hair and all that?"

Emma nodded, looking somewhat confused. "Yeah...?"

"Do you think we could... do that the other way around this time?"

There was a brief moment of silence, and Paul was pretty sure his face had turned a shade of red that had only ever been seen by shrimp before. Jesus, that must've sounded so stupid.

"That's all?" Emma asked.

Yep, there it was. Paul looked down at his lap again, embarrassed beyond belief. "Basically, yeah..." he chuckled despite himself. "I know, I know, it's really dumb, and I probably got you all worried for nothing-"

"Whoa, whoa, Paul, slow down!" Emma cut him off, reaching out to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. She smiled at him softly. "I mean, sure! If that's what you want, we can do it!"

Paul took another deep breath. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Emma replied. She leaned back on the arm of the couch, and opened her arms. "Come on, bring it in."

Still nervous and flustered, Paul slowly eased himself against Emma, resting his head against her chest. He could feel her heartbeat, even through the thick fabric of the hoodie. Emma rested one hand on his back, and began to thread her fingers through his hair, just like he would do with her. Paul felt a chill go down his spine. God, he forgot how much he loved having his hair stroked. He wrapped his arms around her torso, face still flushing like nobody's business.

"How's that?" Emma asked, undoubtedly noticing the ridiculous smile that had forced itself onto his face.

"Wonderful..." he sighed, finally beginning to calm down a bit. "Thanks, Emma."

"No prob," Emma snickered, still stroking his hair. "But before we un-pause the movie, can I ask why it was such an ordeal for you to ask me about this?"

"It's kinda hard to articulate," Paul explained, adjusting himself so that he wasn't muffled by the hoodie. "My, um... my past partners weren't really the, uh... the affectionate kinda types, y'know? So it just kinda felt weird to ask you to... do this... I guess..."

"...Well," Emma began after a moment's pause. "I'm not your past partners, so I'd be more than happy to do this more often."

"You would?" Paul inquired hopefully.

"If it makes you feel as loved as it makes me feel," Emma said, rubbing a calming circle between his shoulder blades with her thumb. "Then I'll do it anytime."

Paul could've melted right then and there. He was loved... In a somewhat indirect way, Emma said she loved him. Perhaps now was the time...

"Thanks again, Em," he said, slightly choked up. He craned his neck a bit to press a kiss to her neck. "I, um... I love you."

Emma briefly paused in her stroking of his hair, only to resume moments later, and press a kiss to his forehead.

"I... I love you too, Paul."

#hatchetfield #paulkins

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twilightofthe · 3 years

Text

Visions 6: T0-B1 (Subbed)

Oh this is the Astroboy homage one, right?

This is actually the second Astroboy spin I’ve seen done after Ducktales ‘17 did it and I still haven’t seen the original Astroboy so I should probs change that?

K Science Saru did this one

ahahaha the cat on my bed did NOT like that tech noise going on xD

ohhhh he’s so CUTE

The entire artstyle is adorable omg

LOOKIT HIM MARCHING AROUND

Ohhhh they’re trying to terraform a desert planet! I love that!!!!!!

holy shit the art style is so COOL, like that’s REALLY unique

Ooooh how does Mitaka know so much about the Jedi? Was he one?

oh yep he DEF a Jedi or at least a Force user

BIIIITCH STOP KILLING THE FATHER FIGURES

Boooooo Not Fair

Hmmm I wonder what language that Aurabesh on the screens would translate to

AWWWWW T0 CAN CRY!!!! HE IS A REAL BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn was that Inquisitor literally just like, hiding and waiting for him to turn that saber on because that was FAST

Dude how are you scary though you look like the Black Knight from Monty Python

T0 IS A REALLLLL BOYYYYYYY I’M EMOTIONAL

brooooo blease be careful you literally just rebuilt your master’s life’s work here stop breaking stuff :(

*raves over the artstyle again and the LIGHTING*

Dawwww this one was cute! I liked it!!!!

#sw visions #star wars visions spoilers #star wars visions #sw visions spoilers #star wars #star wars spoilers #sw spoilers #sw visions T0-B1 #T0-B1

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canyouhearthelight · 3 years

Text

The Miys, Ch. 115

Extra special thanks for this chapter go out to @baelpenrose and @charlylimph-blog. Besides being regular beta-readers for me, Bael really really wanted a chapter with more Charly/Coffey, and Charly happily obliged by joining my and Bael’s regularly scheduled live-write of the chapter. We. Had. A. Blast. It was a shining beacon of love and laughter in my life, let me tell you.

I walked from the kitchen to the entry just as the notification went off that someone was standing outside. Still laughing from the comment Tyche made about the chicken breasts we were currently stuffing, my smile didn’t drop an inch as I saw Charly and Coffey standing there. “Hey, you two! About time!”

Charly held her head high and ignored my comment, while Coffey grinned back. “Best for last, you know,” he tossed with a wink as he handed over a bottle of red wine. “I know it doesn’t go with chicken but…”

“Stomachs are colorblind,” I finished, in sync with Charly and Tyche like we had rehearsed it. Conor and Maverick burst into laughter while Arthur just shook his head at our antics.

Charly stretched her neck to look over Tyche’s shoulder. “Those looks like…”

“We know,” Arthur groaned, eliciting another chuckle from everyone. “Tyche just mentioned that.”

“The - feta? - cheese is not helping your case, I’m just saying.”

Tyche tried her hardest to scowl and made a shooing gesture. “Please don’t ruin dinner before it’s even cooked please?”

“If I promise it won’t make dinner sound obscene, can I ask a question?” Charly ventured. All eyes turned toward her, since it was probably the first time she had ever asked permission to ask a question. Once I slowly nodded, she took a deep breath. “Have you ever tried rabbit?” The next part was rushed. “ImeanIhavearecipeforrabbitstewthat’stodiefor, andI’mprettysureAntoinewouldlikerabbitragout-”

“Charly,” Coffey intoned softly, reaching out to gently scritch the back of her neck.

She stopped talking and bit her lips. “I just mean - “

“It’s okay,” I assured them before anyone else in the room exploded from the laughter they were trying to hold back for her sake. “I really would love that recipe, Charly. I actually have a recipe for lapine ragout that Antoine adores, but the only other recipe I have is for coney pie.”

Charly nodded enthusiastically while practically collapsing on Coffey’s lap. Still nodding, she pulled a file up on her datapad and flicked it towards me. “Can I ask about the rabbits?” she asked softly, head twitching when Coffey scowled and - I assume - gently tugged the hair above where he was still scratching her neck. “Doesn’t hurt to ask!” she complained.

“I swear, it’s fine,” Arthur stated firmly. “You would be shocked at how hilarious she finds this story.”

Tyche rolled her eyes hard enough to move her neck. “And it puts some things into perspective…” she sighed.

Conor, on the other hand, gave me a hard look when I opened my mouth. “You know the rule.”

Dropping my head back in defeat, I took a deep breath. “Yes, I will make coney pie tomorrow for dinner.” Antoine, Charly, and Coffey all looked at me in confusion. “Conor hates hearing about my near-death experiences, so when I tell this story I have to make him rabbit pie for dinner.”

“So he can eat your enemies,” Charly nodded sagely.

“Pretty much,” I shrugged.

“Wait- “ she sputtered, realizing the rest of what I explained. “You had a near death experience? With a bunny!?”

All I could do was giggle. “Yes. I have a deathly fear of bunnies because one almost killed me once.”

“Twas no ordinary rabbit - it had a vicious streak a mile wide….” Arthur added, funny accent and all.

“May I ask that no one interrupt Sophia until she explains how she managed a real-life reenactment of a Monty Python sketch?” Coffey asked, leaning forward so far that Charly had to twist to stay on his lap.

“The truth is stranger than fiction,” Arthur nodded, tapping his glass gently against the other man’s. “Sophia, take it away.”

Shaking my head with a grin, I obliged. “You have to know, Tyche and I grew up in a very backwater, uneducated family, and also in hereditary poverty. So, it was perfectly normal - to us, anyway - to have pets like chickens, or goats… or rabbits… Food animals. Well, when I was eight, my uncle decided I was old enough for my first pet rabbit. A good, big one.” Tyche shook her head with a smirk, and I just shot her a glance as I kept speaking. “Well, Snickers wasn’t quite hand-tamed. And the only way to hand-tame a wild rabbit is to…. Well, hold it, honestly. So I would sit in the yard, with Snickers in my lap, and hold him while he ate grass.”

Maverick opened his mouth to ask the question he always loved to ask, but Charly gently put her hand on his wrist and shook her head.

I still answered the question I knew would have come. “I know, it sounds like the most harmless thing in the world, right? Pet rabbit, in my lap, chilling out and eating fresh grass. The thing is… Rabbits are burrowers. And they have these wicked claws on their back feet just for that. So, when you hold them, you have to hold their back feet together, or they kick to get away.”

Charly gasped softly as she realized what was coming, quickly clamping a hand over her mouth.

I nodded. “Yep. One day, Snickers got started, and I didn’t have his back feet as tightly as I should have, and… well, he opened my arm up from wrist to elbow before I could let him go. I screamed, my mother came out, took me to the emergency room. I’ve been terrified of rabbits ever since.”

“That’s awful!” Charly cried out, jumping up to come hug me.

As I patted her on the back, Coffey sat up straighter and shook his head. “Poppy, she’s okay now. And besides, didn’t you hear her mention how ‘backwater’ her family was?” He arched an eyebrow at me, eye gleaming. “I bet that rabbit was dinner that same night.”

“Bunny dumplings,” Tyche confirmed with a wink. “If we didn’t know what else to do with it, it was dumplings.”

Arthur shook his head with a chuckle. “I would have thought you would be upset that she ate her pet, Miss Harper.”

She made a rude noise in return. “Are you kidding!? The first thing I killed with a bow was a rabbit.” Head high, she flexed her biceps. “Do you know how fast those things are!?”

“Nice and fat one, too,” Coffey added. “And she found rosemary to roast it with.”

“And lemon balm,” she added. “And mint, but that stuff grows everywhere.”

I nearly groaned at the memory of spit-roasted wild game.

“So, you two have been through the whole After together?” Conor asked as dinner hit the table.

Charly nodded enthusiastically as she took a bite. “Yeah, we were friends Before - oh my gosh, this balsamic reduction is perfect, Tyche - and found each other not long after the End. After a while…” she trailed off, waving between them as much as she could, considering she was still sitting on Coffey’s lap.

We all nodded. I was, honestly, happy to see two people who knew each other that long survive the end of the world together. “So, I knew Charly did archery - she’s shown me a few times, but I’m terrible at it, turns out. What about you, Coffey?” I paused before realizing how intrusive that might be. “And if you don’t want to answer, it’s okay,” I rushed to clarify.

He smiled in reassurance. “I was security, Before, and… security After, in a way.” Chewing thoughtfully on a bite of bread, he glanced at something none of us could see. “I had a gun, at first - being a black man who grew up in NorthAm before it was NorthAm, it was more prudent than it was deviant at the time.”

“I don’t blame you,” I grumbled, while Tyche nodded and scowled furiously. We were horrifically embarrassed to be related to some of the reasons he needed a gun in the Before.

He tilted his head in a conciliatory fashion, as though he could tell what I was thinking. “In the After, bullets were hard to come by and… not very prudent, it turned out. They drew a lot of attention. Whereas our sneaky Charly…”

“Probably made traps,” Arthur finished nonchalantly. When a few of us glanced at him, he rolled his eyes. “Oh come on! No one can tell me the queen of pranks and engineering over here did not booby-trap anywhere she was living within an inch of her life and the lives around her.”

Charly beamed, while Coffey just chuckled. “I honestly don’t believe the margin of error was quite that wide, to be frank. But it was safe enough that, before long, we accidentally had an enclave.”

I snorted in an attempt not to choke on my drink, while Conor and Maverick were both glancing at Arthur - the resident warlord.

Arthur just blinked in an almost placid manner. “I’m actually impressed. You started rebuilding by accident.”

“Do I look like someone who decides to take over the world?” Charly pointed out. After a chorus of Yes all around the table, she rolled her eyes. “It’s not my fault that hobbit holes are a strategically sound idea.”

“Apocalyptic Tolkien,” Tyche whistled. “I like it.”

“Sophia would have loved the library,” Coffey laughed.

My head shot up hard enough to make my neck hurt. “Library?”

He nodded. “Charly had the idea to go rescue every book we could find on camping, how-tos, engineering, historical infrastructure…”

“You just passed every class you are ever in, with flying colors,” Arthur nodded. “I had to make most of my people read - though we did end up with a library and decent bathing infrastructure.”

“Siege engines, Mr. Farro. We were building siege engines.”

He muttered something that sounded like “I will make up classes for you to pass,” but I was willing to bet that he would never admit it. Out loud, he just added “The fact that you not only read voluntarily but got other people to read without being forced has earned you extra credit.” She opened her mouth to object, but he held up a hand. “I’m being entirely serious, and no I won’t take it back.”

“I wasn’t going to try to survive an apocalypse without baths,” she scowled, stabbing a potato. “We may have ended the world, but we weren’t heathens.” Chewing so fast I thought she was going to choke, she immediately started asking Arthur about how he organized plumbing for his group.

“Trenches, aqueducts, and basically I got lucky because someone had a construction background. We had some records of how Romans built their sewers with something close enough to the materials we had to work with so… it worked out.

With that, the conversation took off in the direction of infrastructure for post-apocalypse settlements, with Conor adding his opinion everywhere possible. I knew there was no changing the topic, so I just shook my head and tried to keep up.

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#the miys #found family #aliens #apocalypse #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia #humans are space fae #hfy #science fiction #scifi #original scifi #original science fiction #original fiction #my writing

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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 3 years

Text

Been having a weird/off week. But you know what’s made it better?

Spending some more time in Midvale with Supergirl Ep. 6x06, “Prom Again!”

Spoilers!

So! Last week was the fun shenanigans/set-up, THIS WEEK we get the emotional pay-offs and oooooh. So good. So good.

Historically, Supergirl kinda struggles to stick its landing when it comes to paying off its set-ups, but I think this episode is really solid in that regard.

And thus, we begin! With the forest showdown! And I love it. Love every part of it. Love Kara flying in and freeing Nia and Brainy with her heat vision, love that one of Kenny and Kara’s go-to plays is called ‘Speed Racer’, love Brainy’s whole, ‘my buddy’s gonna BLAST YA if you don’t cooperate’ and Kara just. Threatens the bad guys from the shrubbery.

She’s supposed to be scary and intimidating with the heat vision eyes but dagnabbit...it’s just kind of cute.

Last week I completely forgot to mention how much I love that Kenny and Kara have go-to plays WITH NAMES. (NERDY names at that!) And also that Alex is so exasperated by it.

JUST YOU WAIT, KIDDO.

Fast forward to the Fortress and everyone’s happy! The day is saved! The timeline is restored! Alex apologizes for being a bit of a grouch!

*cough* understatement *cough*

And Brainy doesn’t get the fist bump, d’awwwww. XD

Nia has a lovely chat with Kara wherein SHE is the elder hero who inspires the youths. Nice. NICE.

And THEN, the first of some good Danvers Sisters scenes...we’ll call this one ‘the mini-van chat.’

Kara apologizing about the ‘Zookeeper fight-y thing’ and the GLASSES FIDGET.

Shout out to the writers, who were ON-POINT with the dialogue for both parts, and shout out to the young actresses as well. It’s...honestly uncanny, how well they nailed playing Kara and Alex.

(I mean, we knew this already, of course, but GOSH. What a wonderful showcase. So, so glad, that we got such a large Midvale story in the final season.)

Right, so, another dialogue highlight from the mini-van chat (but like, not in a silly way. More in a, ‘oh wow that’s very sweet’ way) Alex, to Kara about her choice: ‘It’s the right one because you made it.’

THESE KIDS.

Then we go to Nia and Brainy on the Legion Cruiser!

Nia’s outfit? Outstanding. Brainy’s mask? Admittedly a little distracting because it didn’t look like it was fitting quite right.

But A+ song choice for their dance, show.

(Really, A+ song choices across the board. You can tell they were absolutely LOVING getting in all those needle drops.)

And then we discover--ALL IS NOT WELL! THE TIMELINE IS STILL BROKEN!

Cat Grant has released the aliens! And she has been captured! And yet she remains heckin’ fearless!

Love that she calls Mitch ‘Mr. Blue Sky.’

It took me a while to warm up to this ‘new’ version of Cat Grant but this episode really gave her some fun stuff to do and yep, I dig it. Great stuff.

Meanwhile, back at the prom...

I'm taking this moment to applaud the Supergirl folks for their very nice workarounds for ‘crowded’ locations this season thus far. The episodes have never felt like, overtly obvious in terms of Covid protocol impacts (I mean there are a few scenes here and there where you’re like, ‘oh, yeah, this is set up in this specific way to probably account for some production changes) but I’ve never felt that the episodes are losing anything, you know?

Case in point! Two episodes, set in a crowded high school! But most of the stuff takes place before/between classes, or outside!

(Specifically enjoyed all the outdoor stuff and natural lighting. It’s not quite the same as that LA sunshine, but. Still nice.)

Anyways, in “Prom Again!” the action/discussions are set in the hallways/classrooms outside of the actual Prom. Inobtrusive! Makes sense for the story! Doesn’t compromise!

Gold stars for everyone.

Kara and Kenny are BOTH unrelentingly cheesy--Kara even says as much--and it’s wonderful.

‘Hey Stargazer.’ Kara, you smooth operator you.

Shout out to Kenny’s bowtie, it’s great.

...Shout out to Kenny in general.

(Like, Will is great, but he’s got a lot to live up to, now.)

So FURTHER PROOF THAT THE TIMELINE IS BUSTED: Kara is going to stay in Midvale!

Me, knowing full well that Kara has to go to National City, but also being...just a liiiiittle bit team Kenny:

And then...THE METEOR!

That Kara just. Body-slams.

It reminded me of another Danvers, who also body-slams some space stuff:

But UNLIKE Kara’s cross-company cousin, this particular move does not end well!

Because there’s KRYPTONITE! And also, a CLOAKED SPACESHIP, BLOCKING THE FALLING METEOR DEBRIS! And, you know, ALIEN HUNTERS THREATENING HIGH SCHOOLERS! And Kenny SACRIFICES HIMSELF FOR KARA!

(Well, okay. It’s tonight but you get the idea.)

Poor, sweet Kenny. Who feels WAY out of his depth as he’s imprisoned alongside Cat on the alien ship...but it does bring us one of her patented ‘tough love pep talks.’ Wherein she calls Kenny brilliant.

And also, Kendall.

Never change, Cat. Never change.

Also, “Go, go.”

Okay, some more rapid fire specifics that I enjoyed so that this list doesn’t get...too? Long? ...No promises.

Smol Kara squaring her shoulders in that classic Kara Super Pose!

Alex being able to pick a lock!

Kara using the reflected sunlight from the moon to heal!

‘That’s an 80% failure rate’ ‘Oh yes it’s terrible.’

The scene where the police have Kara, and Alex comes rushing out all, ‘that’s my sister!’ and Kara’s gonna just RISK EVERYTHING to fix this?

100/10, excellent, love to see that Danvers Sisters angst in the Worst Timeline. Also? Alex’s desperate little headshake, silently pleading for Kara to NOT DO THE THING???? Devastating. In the best way.

‘The world will know that name...Keira.’

No Plutonian Landshark sightings!?!? Not even a graphic on a computer screen? FOR SHAME!

(Personally, I’m imaging that they look like Jeff, pictured below.)

Kara stowing away on the Cruiser, and her very cute, ‘Don’t be mad!’

Her entire speech about her future--She’s just seventeen! She doesn’t have her driver’s license yet! Eliza’s only let her do the laundry once! She’s not even sure she can make rice!

(Eliza, I love you, but for Pete’s sake, let your kid do her own laundry.)

Brainy and Kara trying to play it cool upon being discovered by Kenny and Alex!

Their story involving an excess of formal wear!

Nia inspiring Cat to start CatCo, and telling her she’s CAT FREAKIN’ GRANT!

“If you say Lois Lane I will expire.”

Wait, did I mention the lucid dreaming power yet? ...Nia’s lucid dreaming power!

The entirety of Kara and Kenny’s talk in the gym!

Kara in the Worst Timeline tell Alex, ‘you don’t have to shout’. And then in the Fixed Timeline: ‘inside voice please.’

And she quotes Monty Python that lil GOOBER.

THE WHOLE EPISODE(S) was a GOSHDARN DELIGHT, I TELL YA. (Did I say that last week? I might’ve said that last week, but I don’t care.)

And now, some slightly more in-depth, overall thoughts:

So, How ‘Bout Them Danvers: Not surprisingly, the girls end up in, if not the exact same place as the end of “Midvale”, then pretty darn close. I’m trying to avoid, like. All of fandom, these days, but unfortunately, the bad takes are numerous, and often untagged. So I did see a bunch of people insisting that Kenny living ‘ruined the Danvers’ relationship’ and that the show is ‘taking away everything that makes Kara Kara’

To which I say:

In the broadest terms, what needs to happen by episode’s end to match up with “Midvale”, and prep the kiddos for the stuff that happens in the Pilot - Kara needs to put the aspirations of super-ing on the backburner, and Alex needs to like. Not hate Kara, but also be committed to helping Kara keep her secret, you know...secret.

All of these things are set up. I repeat: All. Of. Them.

And Kenny didn’t have to die!

(I will admit, I chuckled that they so blatantly teased an untimely demise for him...because I know it will annoy select corners of fandom.

Muhahahahaha.)

But anyways, back to those key ingredients for making a ‘Danvers Sisters in the same emotional place they were in @ Midvale’s end’ soup: Alex deals with that simmering resentment. Seeing Kara handle herself well in a super-ing context gives her that little, ‘hey, this isn’t so bad!’ outlook.

BUT INTERESTINGLY, in the Fixed Timeline, Alex and Kara don’t have that chat in the supply room, where Alex is like. ‘You CANNOT reveal your powers, BAD THINGS will happen if you do.’

That is saved for the Pilot!*

MEANWHILE. The Kara ingredients! She puts super-ing on hold.

Her chat with Kenny functions as a replacement for her chat with J’onn-as-Not!Alura, in the sense that it’s here that she reveals that she didn’t choose to come to Midvale, she didn’t choose these powers.

(...I can already sense fandom using those lines to prove their end-of-series theories and like. Ugh. Ugh.)

But anyways. It’s also here that we get shades of Pilot!Kara, what with the season one conflict of being Super vs. being normal.

It’s ALL THE SAME STUFF.

Fandom needs to like. Chill.

And their (fake) concern for Kara’s characterization is entirely misplaced, because this was a really wonderful showcase for Kara in particular.

Like. The first episode was really Nia’s time to shine, and we still got solid Brainy and Nia action in this episode!

But man. That good Kara content.

THE CONTENT I CRAVE!

So speaking of good Kara content in particular, I LOVED Kara’s prom dress. It's got both a SKIRT. AND PANTS!

Amazing.

I know nothing of fashion, but it was very cute, very girly, and okay. Though I hate the comic, the one thing I actually liked about Future State is Kara’s costume. This was similar!

(Thank goodness it looked nothing like the prom dress from Rebirth. That...was a bit of a train wreck.)

(Look, not all comic artists are great clothes designers, it’s just how it is.)

We see the empowerment theme come up with Kara inspiring Kenny; he describes her as ‘an amazing light in a world of darkness’ and tells her that, ‘you changed me, Kara Zor-El.’

We love to see it.

They also agree that stargazing and Monty Python make for the perfect prom these absolute NERDS I love them.

*Quick wibbly-wobbly, timey-whimey note WRT making this episode ‘fit’ with the Pilot: I’m not saying that it 100% does. There’s already the change with the Kryptonite, and the added info/awareness of the DEO.

Those little changes, though, don’t really impact the overall arc of Kara and Alex, the way the emotional stuff might.

Thus! The ‘Pilot’ of Earth Prime, and in fact, the ENTIRETY of the show’s run thus far most likely involved little differences throughout, but the emotional core is very close, if not the exact same.

BUT EITHER WAY, it doesn’t matter, because our Kara and Alex are still our Kara and Alex thanks to the multiple sets of memories!

(So all of fandom’s freaking out is for naught. As it almost always is.)

I bring this up because, again, as much as I talk about setting stuff up for where we find Kara six years from now--this Kara is a little different! She comes across as more confident, something Izabela Vidovic mentioned in an interview, when discussing her approach to playing Kara this time around.

And now, Alex: Admittedly, she gets less focus as like, a solo-entity in these episodes--she really is there to serve the more Kara-centric plot. Personally, it didn’t bother me too much because outside of these flashback episodes, Alex has had some solid development and screen time, so. It balances out.

And the scenes we did get with those 2? Solid. Top tier. There was even a couch scene! Like, technically. Because there was a couch in the supply room. XD

Spotlight on Kenny: fandom kinda loves to insist that all the men on Supergirl are trash, because, ya know. 'Feminism’ or whatever. It’s ships, it’s always ships. But, in fact! The dudes on Supergirl? Are actually wonderful! And Kenny is another example of a guy who isn’t afraid to be emotionally vulnerable, who 1000% supports Kara, but is also like. His own person.

GOOD JOB, SHOW. GOOD JOB.

Brainy too, had some really nice stuff in terms of dealing with his emotions!

And it’s Brainy who gives us our closing line, as Nia asks him how he’s feeling now that they’ve accomplished their mission:

“Hopeful.”

NOICE.

In conclusion! “Prom Night” and “Prom Again!” were EXCELLENT! They had heart! They had stakes! They had the promised time-travel do-over alluded to in the titles! Outstanding performances from the entire cast! Tthe ‘young’ versions of characters in particular! And I WILL be watching these episodes on repeat throughout the three-month hiatus! XD

But before the Super Friends take their break: NEXT WEEK! The Quest for Kara Concludes!!!

#SG post #supergirl spoilers #supergirl season 6 spoilers #long post #gifs

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zrtranscripts · 3 years

Text

Home Front, Mission 14: Sam’s Recipe for Success

Full of Beans

SAM YAO: Hello, listeners! Sam here, coming live from Abel's kitchens. We're going to kick off another workout in a minute, so while I'm talking, why not do a little warming up? Dance about, or jog on the spot, something light and fun. Now I'm not usually allowed in the kitchens because of a little... incident with some marmite shortbread which I thought was a brilliant idea but Janine said was a waste of resources, especially after it caught fire in the oven.

But anyway, as some of you may know, we've had a bit of luck with the giant super horde besieging the countryside. A landslide hit the horde's east flank, scattering a huge chunk of the zoms, so we've got a little window to send runners out with supplies. Dozens of small communities were cut off by the horde, and we're sending care packages to everyone. It's been all hands on deck in the kitchens prepping the deliveries, and we're almost ready to go.

[paper rustles]

So to celebrate, today's first exercise is one I've really started to like. The instructions call it dead bug walking, but I like to think of it as happy puppy flailing. Just lie on your back with your arms and legs in the air, then walk them up and down as fast as you can for one minute, like an excited Labradoodle on its back. Ready? And go! Okay, that's 15 seconds down. Keep those paws wiggling. And that's it, halfway done. Yeah, I-I really think this is a good sign. You know, the horde weakening. A few more natural disasters and it-it could be gone. That's 15 seconds left. Yeah, not-not that we want natural disasters, obviously. Just little disasters. You know, zom-only disasters. And that's it, you're done!

Feel that Labradoodle energy. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna scoot the last crate of eggs and flour down to our dispatch runners, then I'll come right back. Meantime, I'll play some music. You can relax or keep flailing. I've borrowed Runner Seventeen’s latest good times mix, so this song should be perfect for keeping up the good vibes.

SAM YAO: All right, that's the last load of supplies delivered to our runners. They'll be leaving any minute. Now I tell you what, Runner Forty-Three has been baking some great treats for each package. You should see the cupcakes! It's amazing what Forty-Three can do with an egg and some scavenged Nutella.

Actually, I've been using the lockdown to work on my own baking. Yeah, well, first it was crochet until we ran out of yarn. Then it was photography, but Maxine wanted the last camera. So Forty-Three has been helping me practice recipes instead, by miming them to avoid wasting supplies. Janine made me promise not to get in the way in the kitchens today though, so I've mostly been carrying cans and crates out to the runners, which gave me the idea for our next exercise, running with cans.

So find yourself two cans or any two objects about as heavy that you can grip, and take one in each hand. But if you're not absolutely sure you've got a solid grip, put each one in a strong bag with a good handle, hold them like that. Then run on the spot, swinging your arms to get your heart pumping, okay? Yeah, let's try one minute of that. And go! Now that's 15 seconds down. Okay, 30 seconds left. Like Forty-Three always says, practice makes perfect. 15 seconds left. Actually, Forty-Three tends to say, that's weird, practice usually makes perfect. Cooking lessons could be going better, to be honest. And you're done. 60 seconds.

Time to rest, unless you want to keep running through... [device beeps] Uh, hold on one sec. Oh... okay. Um, just got an urgent message from Janine. Better take this off the air. I'm gonna cut straight to the next music break, okay? Dance along or run some more, if you fancy it. I'll be right back after this.

SAM YAO: Um, hello folks. Uh, I've uh... I've got some bad news. You might want to keep can running to distract you. Really wish I didn't have to say this. Apparently, we're not the only ones who decided to take advantage of the weakened horde. There was this group of runners in New Canton, vigilantes going against orders. They figured this was the perfect time to fight the zoms, rounded up a bunch of people, charged at the horde's weakened flank with guns and bombs.

Only well, the zoms got scattered by a landslide, didn't they? So loads of them were buried under rocks, which this lot charged right over. Zom hands came reaching up from the ground, scratching and pulling. Some of the vigilantes went down, some bombs went off early. Zoms got freed from the rock while the rest of the horde honed in on the noise. Basically, it was a bloody mess. And now the horde's as strong as ever. So no supplies going anywhere today.

Well, I know you must be feeling frustrated, listeners, because I am. But, but I've got another exercise that might help channel that. Yeah, uh... [paper rustles] Ah, yeah. Well, this one's pretty simple. Bicep curls. You need weights. Take your cans or whatever you were running with and if you haven't already, put them into bags, one per bag, and make sure each bag has a good handle you can hold. For heavier weights, add more cans. Then press your elbows against your flanks with your hands by your sides and your palms facing up, one hand holding each weight. Bend your elbows to bring the weights up to your shoulders and then down again, okay? Yeah, we'll do 60 seconds of that.

Ready? And go! That's it, 15 seconds down. [laughs] You know, Runner Twelve, stuck in a pub with a pinball machine? He swears this exercise helped him to top the high score. Ah, unless he was tilting it. That's it, halfway done. Concentrate on those weights. It must have been that. That would help, actually. 15 seconds left. And done. Now I hope that gave you all something else to focus on for a bit. Uh, I'm gonna play some music now, do a few curls myself. Because honestly, I've got a lot of frustration that needs channeling here.

SAM YAO: Uh, welcome back everyone. Yep, I've just had final confirmation from Janine. No one's going out anytime soon. [sighs] I feel sorry for those vigilantes, I really do, but how could they be so stupid, charging a super horde like that? Now they've gone and made things worse for everyone, [sighs] because they couldn't stand staying in and feeling useless, I guess. I get it. Yeah, I mean, I-I want to be doing more too, but we can't go off half-cocked, not when the stakes are this high. It's like Maxine says, right? The Z-virus is a medical problem and medical problems need patience. [laughs] I know it's a really bad pun, but it's true.

Anyway, in case anyone out there wants to reinforce their barricades now that the horde's been strengthened, we're going to do an exercise that's good for lifting furniture: squats. I bet most of you know this already. Stand with your arms at your sides and your legs hip-distance apart, then squat down like you're sitting on an invisible chair. Make sure your knees don't come out further than your feet and your bum is sticking out. And we're going to go for one minute of those. And go!

15 seconds down. Imagine you're lifting a sofa. 30 seconds down. Get that barricade reinforced. 15 seconds left. Just a couple more cabinets to lift. And done. Good job, everyone. I'm gonna play some more music for anyone who wants to keep going, but remember, you need to look after yourselves as well as your barricades, so don't be afraid to stop and rest.

SAM YAO: You know what, listeners? I always try and look on the bright side, but the truth is this is, um, this is getting to me. Yeah. I really thought it was going to be a good day, and then you know, wham. Janine's checked with the settlements we were going to deliver to and they've all got enough supplies to last a while longer, so... so that's something, at least.

I've uh, I've actually been secretly baking something for Janine. Banana bread based on Runner Forty-Three’s lessons. It was going to be a surprise to celebrate the deliveries. Guess them being cancelled doesn't make a difference. Come out all burned and blackened anyway, like that shortbread.

Oh boy. Ah. I think I need some cheering up here, listeners. I'm um... spiraling a bit. Tell you what. Yeah, there's this one exercise, it always looks sort of silly picturing loads of people doing it at once. Well, it'd put a smile on my face. It's called doing high knees. Just march really fast on the spot for one minute, pumping your arms and bringing your knees all the way up to your waist with each step, like something out of the Ministry of Silly Walks from Monty Python. Ready? And go!

15 seconds gone. Keep those knees up. Halfway done. Honestly, I don't miss a lot of Monty Python, but did you hear Runner Thirty-Four's radio reenactment of Holy Grail last night? I's brilliant. It was brilliant. 45 seconds, almost done. And that's one minute! Okay. That, that did make me feel better, imagining you all doing that. I couldn't help joining in towards the end, I admit it. [timer dings] Oh, and uh, yeah. That's the oven timer. Right, I'm gonna get my blackened, burned mess, listeners, but it's okay. I'm feeling more like I can cope with it now. You guys rest or keep marching to the music until I get back.

SAM YAO: [laughs] Right, you're not gonna believe this, listeners! I mean, I don't believe it. The banana bread, it's-it's perfect! The top is all nice and brown, and the inside's soft and spongy, and it has that delicious banana-y smell, and it's-it's just... perfect. Possibly thanks to Runner Forty-Three, who left a note on the oven saying set to 180 degrees, not 300. Guess you caught my secret project, Forty-Three. Couldn't have done it without you.

Or you, listeners. You really helped me today. I know this lockdown's tough, but we have to keep reminding ourselves the one thing we can do without going off half-cocked is just... be there, even at a distance. Be willing to help each other past dark days. And we can share the little victories that help us through, like Maxine's photos or Thirty-Four’s radio plays, or banana bread. Because if one of us scores a win, and we're all in this together, it's a win for all of us, isn't it? No matter how small it seems.

Now I'm gonna take this banana bread to Janine. She won't admit it, but it will cheer her up. And I'll put the recipe on ROFFLEnet in case you want to try it! Well, if you don't, that's okay, because exercising is a little victory too, so you're already winning today. We'll get through this, everyone, I know it. And maybe after, we can have some banana bread together. Until then, stay safe. I'll be back on air soon and I promise I'll share all my little victories and I'll cheer for all of yours.

#zombies run #zr home front #zrhf 14 #sam's recipe for success #zr transcript

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mrs-mikko-rantanen · 4 years

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As much as I really like the dramatic grunts of pain and the little gasps and whimpers, I learned that apparently when I hurt myself in public I downplay it by going "OOOOOOOH okay...hahaha ... that's gonna be reeeeeally painful... YEP that hurts" and if someone actually asks if I'm okay I just go "NOPE but it's not that bad:D" and ngl I kind of love that fake positivity slowly fading. Like "yes this actually hurts but like hell am I acknowledging it"

This is fantastic and I love it.

Forced smiles that are dropped and replaced by silent grimaces the second someone looks away

Shaking heads with a crooked grin and clenched fists.

Shaky laughter and jokes like "ah it's nothing....just hit my hip on the counter!" With a bruise that lasts a week and a half no this one isn't something I've got right now whatareyoutalkingabout

Quoting Monty Python: "Just a flesh wound!"

Biting down on the inside of your cheek to distract yourself/center yourself/because that's a pain you can control

#whump wednesday #aw hell yeah

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reachexceedinggrasp · 4 years

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Fated to Love You here reaffirming my long held conviction that no pure romance drama should be 20+ episodes.

This show is... really something. It is, in the fullest possible sense, A Lot. It starts out as an all-out screwball comedy wrapped around a troperiffic romance fluff plot. Wall to wall clichés, but not in a bad way; in a meta, self-aware, peak performance, finest Velveeta way. And if you’re not familiar with screwball comedy, think ‘light-hearted crack fic with slapstick and farce’. There is nothing believable or grounded about any aspect of it, it starts at Bonkers Level: Platinum and it only climbs higher as it goes on.

(On a side note, this results in the leading man being possibly the most memorable love interest in romcom history. His introduction scene is nothing short of batshit insane and you can't reliably predict how he will respond to anything. I have never seen a main character like this, he is all over the shop and utterly singular. Your first reaction to him is ‘wtf?’, your second and third reactions are ‘really?! this guy??’, your fourth reaction is ‘okay he do be mad hot tho’, your fifth and final reaction is ‘I cannot believe this performance exists, I have no idea what he is doing, but it is amazing.’

Appropriately(?) the actor who plays him is an uncanny Korean doppelgänger of Johnny Depp and- between the resemblance, the mannerisms, and the fearless total commitment to a bold as fuck acting choice with the very serious chops to back it up- I’m not convinced they aren’t half brothers separated at birth.

They do sabotage my happiness several times by starting to randomly style his (long, beautiful) hair very weird, fixing it right when the plot is rapidly circling the drain so he looks his hottest just as the show becomes briefly unwatchable, and then ruining him for the entire second half of the series by shearing it all off. WHY, my anguished cry goes up. Why do you do this?! Why does he have like seven hairstyles over the course of the show? Much later they even briefly give him that ubiquitous Kdrama Second Lead haircut with weirdly forward combed fringe in a solid straight line across the brow all the way back from the crown. It looks terrible on everyone and I hate it so much. This version was less bad than most but it is still bad. Anyway.)

So it’s an incredibly fun time to start but there are some problems with the tone and plot even in the first 9 episodes, including when the lovers start getting along really well right away and they’re both thoroughly decent people so there’s nothing keeping them from having a lovely time together making the best of the circumstances (forced/fake marriage). And, instead of introducing new conflict or advancing one of the dozen conflicts previously established and actually moving forward, there is a painfully contrived rehash of something they already dealt with which is then just never resolved. They make the hero leap to a conclusion his wife is nefarious after he’d already decided once that she isn’t (though it was completely reasonable for him to think she was- the fact that he decided to trust her so quickly just speaks to what kind of person he is), never try to find out more or talk to anyone about it, start pushing her away because of it, and have all this come to absolutely nothing. It only exists so he’ll stop being so incredibly nice to her and they won’t fall in love too fast.

You’d think they would have to eventually clear the air before the romance advances right? No. It wasn’t a real plot point, it was just a reset button to get them estranged and hostile again after they connect over their kindred spirits and we’ve spent a bunch of time showing how profoundly supportive and honourable our hero is. He’s being beautifully mature and selfless because he’s a really good dude (unusual for a romcom drama, right? for the main guy to be nice and considerate? to accept responsibility even if he doesn’t have to? Gun’s weird but he’s wonderful), but the writers need him to be cold and standoffish, so they just make him act like an unreasonable idiot for a while. He’s been thus far hugely proactive and direct and honest about everything, it’s one of his most prominent character traits, but suddenly he’s going to avoid confrontation in favour of being super passive aggressive?? Then the writers never solve it. Never! It just goes away. He got over it, I guess? He decided he doesn’t care if she’s a gold digger who deliberately trapped him? God forbid we have motivations that make sense and organic character drama, right? It's not like he didn't have totally valid reasons to be suspicious that could have led to legitimate conflict our heroine would struggle to vindicate herself from.

But anyway, apart from that kind of lazy bullshit, it’s a fine romance plot with extremely endearing characters who have great chemistry. They are fun and well-rounded and incredibly human despite all the silliness and OTT antics. Their relationship is hugely, hugely engaging and the dynamic is perfect, they really complement each other as characters and organically drive each other's arcs. There's the genuine depth and warmth and quiet pathos so often lacking from this kind of show. Things progress at a semi-reasonable pace. They work up to confessing their mutual feelings and get into some cute shenanigans before making out. It happens soon enough that you are not frustrated, but there's still plenty of build-up. Then- uh oh! We’re only 9 eps in and we have another 11 hours to fill with this fluffy plot!

Time for a bunch of absolute fucking nonsense. Time for our show, which has been so goofy and removed from reality it occasionally resembles a Monty Python skit, which has been so light it asks you to ignore the frankly incredibly fucked up implications of its premise for the sake of comedy (they were both drugged and proxy raped resulting in a pregnancy- the FL was a virgin prior to this and Gun had a girlfriend he wanted to propose to- and it was the FL’s family who did this to them: SUPER FUCKED UP), so farcical that it makes Some Like it Hot look like a gritty crime drama, that show to cover a bunch of serious heavy shit.

First, the rankest of melodrama. The families and the world all turn on our couple, but their love is true and will conquer all- UNTIL, he randomly collapses and gets convenient Soap Opera Amnesia. He’s forgotten their entire relationship and a series of coincidental pieces of misconstrued evidence, the machinations of his scheming ex girlfriend, the Soap Opera Doctor’s advice, and his closest confidants all going along with this conspire to make him believe (AGAIN) that his wife just wants his money.

This whole terrible episode is mercifully brief, but it just gets worse after his memory returns. This is where we get into the Noble Idiocy. The ‘pretend you don’t love them to “save them” from getting hurt by hurting them and making their important life decisions for them as if they don’t have a basic fucking right to decide that themselves’ kind. Which goes on for three FUCK years in the show. He wastes three years of their lives they could have spent together because he’s worried he might die young (in a terrible way) and doesn’t want to put her through that. And, of course, they inevitably get together later, so all he did was make it infinitely worse for her either way. To say nothing of how he thus couldn’t be there for her through the loss of their child. Possibly my most hated fucking trope of all time when done this way.

And, yep, you read that right. This show that has the single most batshit bonkers over the top slapstick I have ever seen in a kdrama, this show has a storyline where the fluffy romcom trope accidental pregnancy ends in massive trauma. Because she was standing around in the street after realising he does remember her (he continued to pretend he had amnesia after his memories came back, it’s all part of the stupid noble idiocy so I glossed over it) and gets hit by a car in the middle of their angst staring.

It is nearly Meet Joe Black levels of hilariously abrupt and incongruous.

so, blah blah, they lose their baby (there’s a very stupid whole thing about her telling everyone to save the baby instead of her- the baby is not far enough along for this to have been remotely viable. She is like 3 months pregnant. They all act like there’s a choice to be made between them and she’s mad at her husband for choosing to save her, but there was NO CHOICE. Either she lives or they both die! ffs I’m so irritated about this) and then he dumps her ~for her own good~~ because he loves her too much to make her go through losing him? So she loses him sooner?? right after their baby died???

Why do people in these stories always think being betrayed and abandoned for no reason and being incredibly angry at someone you love while also not getting to be with them is somehow less painful than making the best of your life together and then losing them against their will? ‘I will make her hate me and then she won’t be sad we broke up/I died!!!!’ is such a fucking galaxy brain take and I despise it with the heat of ten thousand suns. Fuck you, Spider-Man. You aren’t protecting anyone, the villains still know you love MJ and will still use her against you, you clod. Emotionally torturing the person you love is not going to make them not a target because the villains are not as fucking stupid as you two. Anyway.

Amnesia was right where I started fast-forwarding and skipping around (because I couldn’t bear it), but it only goes downhill from there. Maybe I would have toughed out more of the wretched middle part plot twist if they hadn’t cut all the hot guy’s hair off. If I’m going to watch total nonsense tedious melodrama, I need it to at least be pretty. I understand it was a Symbolic Haircut but damnit! Let me have this!

And it ultimately does the thing that kdramas seem obsessed with and which makes me want to claw out my own eyeballs with frustration. There’s a giant time skip, the female lead gets a personality transplant, all narrative momentum is lost, and the characters who eventually (at ENORMOUS length) get together permanently are essentially completely different characters with a completely different dynamic than the couple you were shipping for 90% of the story. It is so FUCKING unsatisfying and it is EVERYWHERE.

Not so much with this one because this one still had a lot of very romantic scenes late in the game, but most that do this, it’s also like all the romance is sucked out of the post-time skip episodes and the ending is a consolation prize instead of a triumphant culmination. Inevitably, the heroine abruptly cools off and is suddenly wary of the hero and wants this Important New Career she never mentioned until the penultimate episode but is now her one true life’s dream. What the apparently irresistible appeal is of these contrived separations and demure conclusions is I CANNOT FATHOM. I’m here for the fucking romance guys, you have not made Citizen Kane, please just indulge me with a big schmoopy finale.

And if not that, it’s frequently that there’s been so many random mood swings and so much shitty behaviour by the end that the relationship doesn’t make sense and you don’t know why they even bother to get back together.

I’m not inherently against all misunderstandings (they are the bread and butter of low stakes romance let’s be real) or attempts at noble idiocy from misguided characters, but the duration and seriousness of the drama these generate needs to be in proportion to how ridiculous they are. If your entire plot can be solved by a thirty second conversation there is NO REASON not to have and the continuation of the misunderstanding is a result of someone just NOT SPEAKING UP when any functional human being would have spoken up seven times by now IT’S BAD.

Do little cliff-hangers, whatever, but don’t draaaaagg out silly misconceptions into Shakespearean tragedy, it’s just wearying. It makes me hate the characters for acting like emotionally constipated toddlers with terminal stupidity. If there is so little trust, so little understanding, and so little basic patience between these people, they probably shouldn’t be dating, so try fucking harder, writers. And noble idiocy that is more than an impulse they fairly quickly see the error of is just insulting. You are not helping the other person, you are being domineering and selfish. I have a whole complex about wasting time and seeing endless parades of characters flushing years down the toilet for literally no reason gives me hives. Especially when the whole issue is about time!

(And, btw, so much of the plot is about how desperately the family needs an heir and everyone still wanting them to have kids the second time they get together- while the ~dilemma used to keep them apart is a GENETIC DISEASE which could STRIKE AT ANY TIME. Do you SEE THE PROBLEM WITH THIS WRITERS????? NO, I KNOW YOU DON’T. ommmmmmmmggggg that’s awful! So they’re just dooming more kids to Soap Opera Brain Disease? And maybe growing up without a father just as Gun did? And no one even considers suggesting adoption??? He never considers that he shouldn’t have biological children despite thinking he shouldn’t have a wife?)

ANYWAY. Please do watch the first nine episodes and the last three, it’s bananas. They are cute as fuck, Gun is The Best, and the tropey romance scenes are top quality. You don't get those things executed so well, it doesn't happen, so you need this in your life. The acting is of a calibre you never usually see in modern romcoms; these are people at the top of their game committing utterly and taking these characters completely seriously. In that way it is pure wish fulfilment for me as someone who loves romance and is almost always disappointed by popular romance media, and thus the show is incalculably special. But skip the middle. Just skip it. It's not worth the suffering. I find the tone whiplash honestly just this side of crass.

I’ve been thinking about it for over a week and I truly love the main characters so it did plenty right, but I just cannot with wedding the two things this show is trying to be together, especially when it goes so hard in two mutually exclusive directions. but also the Meet Joe Black sudden car accident device is not redeemable under any circumstances. Can we never do that again, please.

#fated to love you #kdrama #jang hyuk #writing

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autisticmight · 3 years

Conversation

ranking christmas carols

silent night: a nice, calming classic. you probably had to learn the first verse in german in primary school. points removed because of that one post that pointed out that describing him as "tender and mild" made the baby jesus sound like fried chicken, and i keep remembering it and laughing instead of holding the notes. 8/10

the first noel: the words and the tune are completely out of sync. the lyrics don't scan, like, at all. you're stuck holding awkward notes, which really brings out the forced rhymes. points deducted for making me pronounce "israel" with four syllables, and that one post from a jewish person with the monty python "i didn't vote for him" king bit, because they make me giggle during the song's redeeming feature, the refrain. point added for the line "'tween an ox manger and an ass" being present in some versions. 3/10

the holly and the ivy: excellent little tune. i like how the refrain mentions the sun rising and also deer. the verses describe various parts of the holly plant, and then liken it to the virgin mary and baby jesus in some way. i'm just here for tree facts. 9/10

hark! the herald angels sing: the title is very excited, like panic! at the disco. i can imagine the herald angels doing little jazz hands. the tune goes a little bit higher line by line, and it's just a really interesting melody. also it slaps, but not as much as 'the holly and the ivy'. 7/10

go tell it on the mountain: simple enough for an assembly of a hundred or so children eleven and under to not sound like shit singing it. the verses are short enough that you don't forget how long you've been singing it for. i liked when the last word on the verse went up a little bit. points deducted for never being on the christmas albums. 6/10

i saw three ships: the narrator sees three ships. this is fucking great. the ships apparently come into bethlehem, which, by car, is about three quarters of an hour from the ocean, depending on traffic. i think the guy just wanted to go boat-spotting on christmas day in the morning, but their parents made them go to church. points deducted for historical inaccuracy, and given back because boats are cool. 7/10

good king wenceslas: the historical figure that this song is about wasn't actually a king when he was alive. they king-ed him after his brother assassin-ed him. this is just a song about a rich dude who goes out in a snowstorm on a holiday to give a peasant some food and firewood. good on him for doing his bit to redistribute the wealth or whatever. 11/10

gaudete: it's in latin and it slaps. points deducted because i don't know latin. 8/10

coventry carol: it's very slow, like 'silent night' but boring, but it's one of my personal favourites, because this is a song about murdering kids!!! yep, we all forgot the baby-murdering that jesus's birth indirectly caused!!! 6/10

in the bleak midwinter: look, i know i bashed 'the first noel' for holding words on notes for far longer than they need to be held, but it actually works here. it's less "fuck, we just tried to sing the words over the first tune we found" and more "let's riff in church!" points removed for a (usually removed) verse talking about breasts and asses, which really messes with the whole mood of the piece. otherwise, the lyrics sound a bit like a hozier song. 8/10

we wish you a merry christmas: this is a song for serfs to sing at their landlords. it is a demand for figgy pudding and a threat of harassment. redistribute the wealth, my lord. give them figgy pudding. 100/10

o come, all ye faithful: okay, so, if you're making this entertaining for an assembly of a hundred or so children aged eleven and under, you have them sing the three "oh come, let us adore him" bits while gradually increasing the volume. it sounds so cool. i am, however, deducting points for the line "lo, he abhors not the virgin's womb," which is just weird, like, "cool! this baby does not hate his mother's uterus!" and also the phrase "very god," which makes me think of 'much doge'. 7/10

while shepherds watched their flocks by night: honestly, it's just a basic little carol. no weird phrases, or butchery of words. the most notable thing i can think of is that, if the singer is the kind of person who needs a lot of validation and partakes in silliness to gain attention, which is the closest thing they can get, they will start the song off with the line "while shepherds washed their socks by night." i hope the sheep weren't being ignored. 5/10

once in royal david's city: it's the same tune as 'hark! the herald angels sing' and nobody talks about it. it tries to keep a bit of suspense going with the identity of the mother and the child, but everyone assumes that it's mary and jesus anyway because this is a christmas carol, and then the song's like, "mary was that mother mild!" and you've just got to look at the poor choirboy like, "shit, dude, yeah, we figured." 6/10

carol of the bells: the tune is a ukranian folk chant, but the words are copyrighted. it's technically a waltz, and it sounds really ominous, which is a nice change from all these 4/4, major key dirges. points deducted for capitalism. 7/10

ding dong merrily on high: this is one of the few carols you can sing in church without almost falling asleep, because it goes hard!!! the melismatic 'gloria'? Iconic. point deducted for making me say "ding dong" and not giving me any time to giggle. 9/10

god rest ye merry gentlemen: okay, so this is one of the songs where the evolution of language has obscured the meaning. it's not saying "take a nap, you drunk skunks," but rather, "may god allow you to remain happy and contented," which is pretty neat. satan notably shows up in the first verse, compared to the others, where the whole 'eternal damnation' thing is kind of tacked on as an afterthought. here, he's just like, "bitch!!! i'm the devil!!! i'm here to eat your souls if you don't swear fealty to this small infant!!!" and i think that's a good representation of christianity. also, if you're in a church with a really slow organ player, the "tidings of comfort and joy" bit can sound terrifying. it's great. 9/10

#helen stfu #jingle blogging #food mention cw #long post #okay i'm going offline now

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punk-chicken-radio · 4 years

Text

And Now For Something Completely Different.....

.....yep, not just music this time on account of the passing of Terry Jones, a great mind lost slowly to a rare form of dementia.....all I can say is.....IT’S.....

.....I was fortunate enough to have been allowed to watch Monty Python in the early 70s, my Dad liked it and I was permitted to stay up past bed time, on a school night. I didn’t understand some of the more adult humour, but it taught me a number of things.....

.....always question authority.....they’re usually lying.....

.......have a Plan B.....always be prepared for the unexpected.....

.....old ladies can be scary.....especially to children.....

.....men shouldn’t be afraid to show their feminine side.....

.....never listen to people’s opinions on your fashion sense.....wear whatever you’re comfortable in.....

.....in certain circumstances ANYONE can be a superhero.....

.....Python taught me the meaning of life, and part of that is death. I heard Michael Palin talking the other day about Terry. He said that it was sad that he died but we should remember all the joy and laughter that he brought to us, and I suppose the same applies to all of our friends and loved ones. It comes to us all, just make sure you have a good one.....try not to be a cunt.

And now a bunch of songs and sketches.....

love(threw some numbers on)axiomatic

The Old(those are rookie numbers)Smelly

#Monty Python #terry jones #pcr

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fancoloredglasses · 4 years

Text

Army of Darkness (who knew the last film of a series could be the greatest?)

[All images owned by Universal and Renaissance Pictures. Still too broke to sue]

OK, bit of a background first...

In 1981, then-unknown director/producer Sam Raimi made a horror film on what would now be a shoestring budget ($90K) that starred his childhood friend, a then-unknown Bruce Campbell...

(Thanks to Wikipedia)

The film opened to largely positive reviews (kind of a novelty in horror films at the time) It featured some graphic scenes, (and at least one disturbing one involving one of the women getting raped by a tree) but what Raimi didn’t count on was that many viewers found it funny.

in 1987, Raimi and Campbell teamed up again for a sequel (of sorts)

(Thanks again to Wikipedia)

The movie was more-or-less a re-imagining of The Evil Dead that removed all the characters from the first film except Campbell’s character Ash (no last name was ever given, but every write-up I’ve seen says it's Williams) and his girlfriend Linda. In this case, Raimi doubled down on the comedy while still maintaining the creepy atmosphere of the first. It should be noted (because it will be important) the evil in the film somehow possessed Ash’s hand, so he removed it with a chainsaw (that he later modified to attach to his stump)

Then, in 1993...

(Thanks to Amazon)

(Bruce Campbell vs.) Army of Darkness (it is kinda weird that they used the actor’s name instead of the character’s) threw the majority of the horror out the window in favor of comedy (at times slapstick, especially when dealing with the zombies Deadites) It ranks up there with Die Hard, The Princess Bride, and Monty Python & the Holy Grail in terms of memorable quotes (I’ll be sure to point them out as they come up. I guarantee you’ll know at least one, even if you don’t know the reference)

And it’s these character moments (both in the comedy and the quotability) where Campbell shines. He is pretty much an asshole everyman thrust in over his head. Thanks to this film we have been...err, “graced” with such B-movie (and B-TV) classics as Bubba Ho-Tep and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. And who can forget his cameos in Raimi’s Spider-Man films?

Anyway, enough gushing about Bruce Campbell, on to the schlock-fest!

The movie more-or-less begins where Evil Dead 2 ends, with Ash and his car being sucked into the very vortex that he helped open to banish the Deadites from the cabin and sent back in time...

...and into the end of a battle between two factions, with Ash being mistaken as a member of the losing side (led by Henry the Red), despite the fact that he’s not dressed anything like them and a wise man advising the winning lord (named Arthur) that Ash may be a prophesied hero destined to defeat the Deadites (if that’s the case, they’re in trouble...) Ash and the remnants of Henry’s forces are dragged to Arthur’s castle where they are to be dropped into a pit with a captured Deadite within (so they’re trying to destroy the Deadites but they keep one as a pet?)

The first of Henry’s men is dropped in...

...and if the spray of blood is any indication, he would’ve likely died of high blood pressure soon if he wasn’t zombie chow already.

Eventually, Ash was dropped in. What follows is a surprisingly even fight until the wise man (for some reason) tosses his modified chainsaw into the pit. Somehow it lands perfectly on Ash’s stump and he makes short work of the Deadite. He then climbs out of the pit...

youtube

(Thanks to M. Enois Duarte)

OK, so a few notes on that clip...

1. That monologue is the first of the very quotable lines

2. Ash’s holster was empty when he got out of the pit. Where the hell did the boomstick come from?

3. How does a double-barreled shotgun fire 3 slugs without reloading?

After handling two Deadites with relative ease, Arthur realizes that the wise man may be right about Ash being the prophesied one (yep, they’re in trouble)

A bit later (after a change of clothes and at least a couple of baths), the wise man explains that the way to get home is described in the Necronomicon, which they also need to defeat the Deadites. He further explains that only the prophesied one can retrieve it. After seeing one of the castle’s servants transformed into a Deadite before them, (and defeating her after another quotable line: “Yo, she-bitch...Let’s go”) Ash reluctantly agrees, but recruits the castle blacksmith to help him build a new hand first.

(“Groovy”)

While preparing, one of the castle’s maidens, Sheila, falls for Ash and gives him a night to remember (”Give me some sugar, baby”) before he sets out the next morning.

You can tell Ash is the hero of the story, as he’s the only one on a white horse (and for some reason they didn’t bother giving him any armor)

The wise man gives Ash detailed instructions on where to find the book and the exact words he needs to recite to render the book’s power inert: “Klaatu Verada Nikto” You know, if they know exactly how to get the Necronomicon, why the hell do they need Ash?

Some time later, as Ash head to the cemetery where the book is waiting, something spooks his horse. Something...evil (it should be noted that, in three movies, you never see exactly what the evil presence looks like, but it’s enough to scare the hell out of anyone who sees it) It chases Ash to an old windmill where Ash camps out for the night.

During the night, Ash sees his face in a mirror. He suddenly remembers that his reflection came to life and mocked him in Evil Dead 2, so he smashed it. Thinking that was the end of it, he went back to his dinner. However...

...the mini-Ashes in the shards come to life, leave the shards, and attack Ash. He winds up slipping and falling on his head, knocking himself out. He eventually wakes up to find himself tied down. The mini-Ashes force his mouth open while one of their number jumps down his throat. This is somehow enough of an adrenaline rush to allow Ash to break free. He then sets about dealing with his unwanted dinner...

youtube

(Thanks to Fandango)

It’s never said what happened to the other mini-Ashes...or how “Bad Ash” has two good hands despite appearing on Ash’s right side (the side that has the prosthetic) and yet Ash is still nicknamed “Stumpy”

And yes, we have at least one more quotable line in that clip.

Ash straps Bad Ash to a table and uses his chainsaw to carve him up like a Thanksgiving turkey. He then buries the pieces (but not before Bad Ash mocks him a couple of more times) before continuing on his way.

Upon reaching the graveyard, he encounters a bit of a problem...

youtube

(Thanks to Midas Fury)

And so, having cleverly deduced which is the true Necronomicon, Ash has merely to recite...the...what are those words again? Ash can’t remember the third word! I mean, he knows it begins with an N...

(Thanks to gfycat)

“Klaatu Verada N-KOFFKOFF!”

Close enough, right?

HELL NO!

Evil can’t take a joke and the graveyard comes to life (so to speak) Ash attempts to leave with the Necronomicon, but is tripped by skeletal hands and becomes the punchline of an undead Three Stooges routine...

(Thanks again to gfycat)

What’s more, Bad Ash reforms into a zombie badass...

(A face only a mother could love...)

Upon Ash’s return, the wise man forces Ash to admit he done fucked up, informing Ash that since the words didn’t bind the book’s power they couldn’t use it to defeat the Deadites (but all Ash cares about is that it can still send him home) Once Arthur’s people realize Ash won’t help them they pretty much turn their backs on him, until...

...a flying Deadite takes Sheila!

Suddenly, Ash grows a spine and vows to keep the army of the dead from coming to take the Necronomicon, including sending a message to Henry the Red to help. Arthur and his men agree to make their stand and preparations start.

But he’s not the only Ash making preparations...

Using special effects worthy of a bad Hercules movie, Bad Ash is digging up an army of skeletons and zombies to take the Necronomicon from Arthur. Then the flying Deadite shows up with a special delivery...

“Give me some sugar, baby!”

Let’s leave the two lovebirds for now and go back to Arthur’s castle, where Ash is single-handedly getting Arthur’s men out of the 14th century. First he and the blacksmith convert Ash’s Oldsmobile into a death machine. Then he teaches the wise man how to make gunpowder using a college chemistry text. Finally, he teaches basic tactics to a group of experienced soldiers. There is so much absurdity I could comment on here...

Eventually, Bad Ash is ready to attack, with his new bride by his side...

“I may be bad...but I feel...good!”

...and the army advances on the castle (with more bad special effects). Ash realizes just how badly outnumbered they are, but (somehow) puts on a brave front for the men.

Inevitably, the Deadites advance, but a volley of arrows loaded with gunpowder make short work of them, as well as flaming catapult loads...

Eventually (if nothing else due to sheer numbers) enough Deadites get through and lay a bridge across the moat so they could ram the drawbridge (why was the portcullis still up?) and are met with resistance within, though not enough to stop them. All seems lost until...

...Ash reveals his Death Wagon. Ash mows down dozens of Deadites until...

Sheila appears like a vision before him. He quickly wrecks the car to avoid hitting her. That’s when she revers back to the Queen of the Deadites and attacks Ash! Bad Ash then appears on the scene as Arthur is single-handedly defending the staircase to where the Necronomicon is held. All seems lost!

Then Henry the Red comes over the horizon and enters the fray! Unfortunately...

...Bad Ash has gotten past Arthur and is approaching the book. Ash manages to get there beforehand, so Bad Ash sends his men after him and Ash is somehow able to deal with them all (probably because they learned from the Hong Kong School of Mookdom that states only one mook can attack the hero at a time) Then it’s more-or-less down to Ash vs. Bad Ash. Then...

“You found me beautiful once...”

“Honey, you got real ugly!”

Sheila lines Ash up against the rampart and charges, but Ash manages to toss her over. Now back to Bad Ash. Ash manages to throw a spear through Bad Ash’s chest, but all it does is distract him from the book and make him angry. Ash realizes he’s out of his depth and runs, Bad Ash giving chase (at least he doesn’t have the book yet...)

The pair sword fight across the castle, but Ash is eventually disarmed (in that he lost his sword, not that he once again needs to be nicknamed Stumpy) Ash grabs a nearby torch and...

Unfortunately...

...once again all it does is piss him off.

“I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

And now it’s Ash’s turn to fight the bad special effects, as Bad Ash is reduced to a skeleton. Bad Ash throws Ash off the wall, but somehow he’s fine, landing near a catapult full of gunpowder load (and the fuse was lit by Ash’s torch)

Meanwhile, Bad Ash has obtained the Necronomicon and jumps down to gloat (three guesses what he lands on) Ash cuts Bad Ash’s hand off (and getting the book back) and launches the catapult, ensuring bad Ash goes out with a bang.

This is enough for the army (despite still outnumbering the mortals) to retreat. In the aftermath, two things happen. First, Sheila reverts to human (good thing she was a zombie when she went over the wall or she’d be dead), and second...

...Arthur and Henry make peace.

Ash is given a potion and is given a certain trio of words to recite as he drinks it to return to his own time.

We then fade to S-Mart, where Ash is finishing telling fellow employees his tale. At that point...

youtube

(Thanks again to Fandango)

Thus ends the tale (until the Showtime series Ash vs. Evil Dead) However, that wasn’t the way it was supposed to end...

youtube

(Thanks to kruegerfan96)

Let me know which ending you prefer.

“Hail to the king, baby!”

#evil dead #army of darkness #bruce campbell #sam raimi #necronomicon #this is my BOOMSTICK!#klaatu varada nikto #hail to the king #Fan Colored Glasses

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