#yes a matter of life and death is fantastic but it doesn't change the fact that the man looks like terry-thomas

[bayleavesfromthevine]

some kn8 ramblings (with a side order of manga spoilers)

i love that (as far as we know) kafka and mina's tragic backstory is "dead cat." we know nothing of their parents, homes, or friends from after the kaiju attack, only that mina's cat died. (obviously, the series isn't over yet, so this could be totally disproven at any point, but bear with me lol.)

i actually find that really refreshing. yes, it's so heartbreaking to lose a pet, but it's not the typical trope of a character's power level correlating to how traumatized they are (ex: family massacres, everyone they've ever loved ending up dead, backstabbing, torture, etc etc). their traumas are grounded in very realistic and relatable circumstances, and i think that goes to show that a character doesn't need these extreme reasons to want to do good and fight the scary monster. mina's cat died in a kaiju attack and she wants to make sure that no one else has to lose their best friend/ball of floof to a kaiju ever again. that is enough of a reason and a noble one at that.

soshiro, as another example, has a complicated relationship with his family, but they aren't dead or rogue. he's not seeking revenge on them, but rather they did not support him when it mattered and made him feel inferior - that is a traumatizing environment to grow up in, and unsupportive parents & sibling favoritism are also SO grounded in reality.

it really makes these characters feel real, and i think it's a powerful thing for a reader who maybe doesn't have the best relationship with their parents/siblings like soshiro, or who has lost a beloved pet like mina, or who doesn't have natural-born talent in a specific field like kafka, to see these characters take those experiences, work through them, find a support system, and overcome them.

(side note: i LOVE to see that soshiro actually went no contact with his brother for past behaviors! that sets such a powerful example to readers that it's okay to cut out people who have made you feel like shit!!)

of course, there are other characters like narumi and reno who have heavier backstories, but i love that their experiences don't automatically turn them into the brooding emo characters who think only of killing kaiju and seeking revenge with zero intentions to form friendships with the people around them.

it's just really nice to see. i feel like in stories that have a large cast, it's easy for a character's backstory to completely shape their personality, rather than being shaped by a multitude of experiences - good and bad - gained throughout life. (in cases like reno and kikoru, we see them grow as people & change their outlooks due to their positive experiences with kafka and the rest of the defense force. that doesn't override their past experiences, but adds layers to who they are overall.)

i see kn8 getting criticized a lot for lacking in depth or themes - and i do think there is a conversation to be had about locating the series' central theme and whether or not it's been clearly communicated (and whether or not that even matters) - but i also think part of that criticism stems from having a fantastical premise (that maybe SHOULD have a little more death, but that's another conversation entirely lol) with deeply grounded characters, a contrast we don't see too much of - especially from series in the battle shonen & shonen-adjacent genres (thinking about shows like naruto, aot, jjk, demon slayer, hell's paradise, etc).

basically, i find it refreshing that kn8 isn't over-traumatizing its characters despite the fact that the premise would allow it lol

[neuroticbookworm]

Soulmate Skepticism vs Romanticism in La Pluie

I am a soulmate skeptic. I don't believe there's one person destined for each of us on this planet.

I'm also a staunch pessimist on matters of romance and love. I constantly conduct a cost-benefit analysis in my head for every romantic relationship I see in my life. "It doesn't make sense" is almost always the first thing that pops into my head when I see people in love.

Do I sound an awful lot like someone from La Pluie? Why yes, it's our resident Soulmate Skeptic and Slenderman wannabe, Lomfon! That must mean that I liked him immediately, right?

Love is not a competition that you can win or lose. It's something you feel and share. There are a million things in and around love that can be made sense of, and added up like a math problem, like interests, hobbies, morals, desires, and fears, but the feeling of love itself is not logical. And I hate the part of me that can't get over that fact, and I'm working on it.

That's why I was initially so wary of Lomfon. I thought the show was gonna let him run amok and then teach him a "lesson" about love, after all the destruction is said and done. And then, episode 8 came around, and Lomfon became the character with the most potential for growth in the coming episodes, and I was so excited to see how the show would take him on this journey.

How do you teach a skeptic to believe? You give him a situation that he cannot logic his way out of, aka, two potential soulmates. This is the story I expected to play out last night, but of course, they subverted this expectation because this show is made by people who are much smarter than me.

Episode 9 is crafted to make skeptics believe in spontaneous, head-in-the-clouds love, rooted in coincidence, but the target is not Lomfon, but me. And possibly you. And all of us, the audience.

I'm going to take a broad, but confident guess that the people reading this piece are non-believers when it comes to soulmates. It sounds too good to be true and so fantastical to ever happen in real life.

Soulmate trope exists for a reason. It's comforting to think about a person who exists right now who might cross paths with us on a random day and change our lives for the better. When life is cruel and relentless and we long for better times, we wish we could reach into the future and get a hug from the person we haven't even met yet, but who will someday mean everything to us and more. When life is kind to us, on a warm sunny day, we could be hit with sudden melancholia for a lover we have not loved yet.

In La Pluie, Patts and Tai wanted to defy their destinies at different points in the show. And they did, in their own way. In episode 8, they decided to be with each other not because they could hear each other when it rained, but because they like each other and choose to be together.

The show constantly puts the soulmate trope under a microscope and analyzes it, criticizes it and subverts it. But episode 9 was different. It leaned into the trope. It established a connection between Patts and Tai that was completely circumstantial and could end abruptly at any given moment. And it did, with the death of Patts' grandma.

I've been wondering since last night: why take this detour? And I believe that the show knows its audience, know that our cynical brains would get extremely excited by a piece of media dissecting the idea of fated love and commenting on it. How choice matters more than anything else. And I see episode 9 as its attempt to nudge us in the opposite direction, ever so slightly. Because while the Rainverse of La Pluie can bring many complications to the love lives of the main characters, real life is much, much worse.

In the sport of modern dating, a clear mind with sound logical abilities is the key skill required for success, according to all the self-proclaimed relationship experts on social media. Our guts are not to be trusted anymore, since we are all traumatized and will automatically seek a shitty relationship because that's the one that feels familiar. Love-bombing is a manipulation technique, you must read about it and be aware of the ways to spot it. Do you know what Negging is? The red flags, green flags, and beige flags? Every action, every gift, every romantic gesture might have a sinister intention behind it.

Finding love is an exhausting process. Yes, it is important to be informed and safe, but in the process, we tend to forget the beauty of the very thing we are trying to find. The beauty of love is not singular in the choices that we make. Mature and time-hardened love is beautiful in its strength and choice, yes, but budding, fledgling love can also be beautiful in its spontaneity. And while finding your perfectly compatible person can feel pretty amazing after hours of meticulous swiping on apps, so can the knowledge of finding out YEARS later that your lives were ever so briefly intertwined in the past and you didn't even notice it at the time.

Emotional maturity and compatibility are necessary to sustain love, but spontaneity, silliness, and sometimes, happenstance are the ones that sweeten it. The show appreciates the skepticism about destiny and fate, but it also makes sure to never position itself against romance. Against the possibility of life surprising us in the moments we least expect it. Because while we strive everyday to make some sense of the chaos life throws us into, it might not hurt to let our heads float to the clouds, every once in a while, and see the beauty in chaos.

[carnivoreofthesea]

INSCRYPTION SWAP AU PT.1

i am slightly afraid to be made fun of PLEASE JUST LISTEN FOR THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AND THEN SCROLL IF YOU DONT WANNA READ IT ALL. this is impulsive so expect me to be silly crazy

leshy ---> tech

p03 ---> nature

grimmora ---> magic

Mags ---> death

Why in this way you ask?

Well leshy and P03 oppose each other the most and it felt natural, Still at odds and also keep their personalities. I feel like grimmora and mags would switch though is because death is a very real thing, but magic is fantastical and actively tries to stop death. Grimmora would also be able to keep her more happy attitude with realism with magic as its more of system/skill. Mags would take death and the undead pretty good as well because. bro is just a lil insane all around. Also consider a skull army that he wont stop lying to and say they'll come back to life eventually. OK PAST THIS POINT IM GOING TO GO MORE IN DETAIL BUT THATS THE BASIC IDEA GO AHEAD AND USE/CHANGE TO YOUR LIKING IF YOU WANT, JUST GIVE ME CREDS IF ITS LIKE EXACTLY THE SAME. if you make it your own then you don't need to cred, idc this idea is like really basic imo.

L3sh, Scybe of Technology.

He's still stoic and very immersed in his world, However now with a new technological theming. He makes sure to have the player learn about the intricate details of the tech they use. He's kinda like a happy old I.T. guy, Using all of his tech to its max potential. Its very early and traditional 60's and 70's era stuff, Whereas P03's was futuristic 80's. He tries to make sure that it can be easily grasped for most however most 60-70's tech is just a mess no matter what. He made all his limbs wires that can extend and compress, Expand and slim. So yes he is tall and muscly but also no bro is bobot he aint got shit. This also applies to his hair that flows all the way down his back but he usually doesn't mess with it, In fact the wires there probably aren't even connected to anything he just thinks they look neat. apart from occasionally oh you know. Tearing people apart to try and 'give them a fair playing ground.' he's normal i swear you guys.

ON P0LRIOD/L3SH X phoe

Yes they are still divorced. The same reasons, L3sh is neglectful at times and Phoe can be an asshole. L3sh can be too logical as well and has a rule of 'If you can, So can I. If I can't, then you'll never.' Which can be really degrading sometimes. He would even consider himself better than Peo at times, If not barely an equal. Leshys capability mixed with P03's cockiness makes an occasional asshole. They probably got divorced bc of L3sh's murder experimentation problems and also going weeks on end ignoring Phoe. Bro just check on your husband please.

Unsure of how he makes cards yet, So heres a few options!

-He makes his cards by taking parts of you and tech-ifying you. Your mind isn't necessarily required, As long as he's got like an eyeball and a leg you're fucked. You get transferred once he's finished by 'rewiring and applyinh new hardware upgrades.'

-He still takes a picture, however. its a literal copier. like a fucking business copier but bigger. You know the ones, that are all chunky and shit and have like only 3 buttons and are barely hanging onto life. then you get sucked into the card. This one might be my favorite out of pure hilarity.

-He consumes you with those wires that act as his hair, And then meticulously rips out the most important/cherished parts of yourself out before turning into a card that exits out of his chest plate. This is the most personal out of the options here. and possibly sexual now that i think about it? Have fun dying i guess

anyways ill repost this with the next parts when im done goodbye i am going insane💖💖

[bogbees]

Hello yes. Your soulmates name is literally on your body but with the ninja dads: we are go 2:27 AM · Jan 6, 2018

Kohari is like "oh my" bc she knows the brat, while her husband is like "oh geeze" bc that brat has attitude and honestly, isn't someone he wants his precious baby interacting with

Is Sakumo alive to bare witness to the name on his son's skin? If timed correctly, probably. He'd know who it was and be happy ab it bc they're fantastic ppl

But if not, Kakashi was probably very bitter ab it. "Dad u asshole u never even got to see my soul mate" but then he quickly "got over it"

Now here's the thing Iruka has probably heard all about his soul mate his whole life. He's always hearing shit ab how cool and strong Kakashi Hatake is.

He attempted to introduce himself to the guy once but was brushed aside like he didn't matter So since Kakashi hasn't gone out of his way to meet him - they're in a very small community, everyone knows everyone, Iruka is salty af and kinda pissed

So! Iruka has decided he doesn't want a soul mate if it means being matched with this asshole.

Kakashi just kinda ended up thinking he wasn't worth a soul mate bc if all the death he's faced, plus he assumes "Iruka Umino" doesn't live in the village - he's long forgotten Kohari's surname

So it's another couple years till Kakashi clues in that Iruka Umino has been here the whole time. Are they on the same team? Does Hiruzen mention it in passing? Doesn't matter how Kakashi learns the facts of this life, just that he does

Minor break down. Gai suggests he just goes for it. Tenzou is like "sempai you've already denied him before, how else has he ignored you for this long? You're famous." "Tenzou pls."

So they figure at some point in the past, Kakashi was rude to Iruka. Why else wouldn't they be married by now?? ? They do the magic ninja equivalent of Facebook creeping and determine 1 fact: Iruka is too good for Kakashi Kakashi dies inside

So Kakashi keeps his distance until he thinks he could somehow remedy his soul mate business. Plus he's still kinda wary ab it, death fucks you up

So Kakashi watches as Iruka positively interacts with Naruto - and at first it's just buckets of salt into his wounds, but he decides it's better this way bc no way could 16 year old him raise a child and Iruka is wonderful

The Mizuki bs happens and he's like, not in town, and arrives to news that Naruto passed his genin exam and Iruka's in the hospital bc he was protecting Naruto

Kakashi frets over that for hours, he cleans his house twice, bathes the dogs and rereads his fave smut six times until Hiruzen summons him to tell him he's gonna be Naruto's jounin sensei

Iruka hates it bc Kakashi is rude. Naruto telling him all about his new teacher doesn't really change his opinion on the guy but he's less hostile towards the very thought

Kakashi hates it when Naruto talks ab Iruka. He loves it of course, but feels cheated. Plus he didn't care this long, why start now, not like Iruka will seek him out now

They meet for the first time in years at the ichiraku ramen stand. They use their full names when introducing each other. Iruka is calmly seething. Kakashi has his dumb smile on.

Wouldn't it be funny if Naruto took a peek at Iruka's soul mate mark? Hilarious, it would be. The sudden dawning at the ichiraku stand, as his cool teachers introduced themselves to each other

He'd scream and everyone would know. "You guys are soul mates!!!!" Sakura and Sasuke would call him rude Kakashi would have that fake smile "it's true" internally ready to flee

"Eeeeeeh? But why aren't you already together then if you know?" Says Naruto or Sakura. "Kakashi-san had decided he was t ready for a soul mate is what Iruka says

The kids grumble ab that bc SOUL MATES And Iruka looses his appetite and apologises he forgot something at the school and leaves Naruto blames Kakashi for that and Sasuke agrees, "you re a pretty bad soul mate, not trying to get to know the other half of your soul"

[problematic-faves-appreciation]

Blorbo game- barfo?

[The ask game]

[Barfo]

Derek Hawke from the Marietta Danver Trilogy by Jennifer Wilde/Tom E. Huff. He's one of the worst romantic heroes ever.

Hawke treated the woman he loved terribly, and punished other women in Marietta's stead after selling her away out of spite. Worse still, he didn't apologize for selling the heroine to a guy he assumed was going to put in her a brothel. Hawke told her he was filled with remorse over it — couldn't be bothered with saying the words "I'm sorry", huh? — and wanted to "make things up to her", but that's not an apology. Especially if one doesn't change.

And not long after that, he killed a guy Marietta cared about in a duel, pinned the blame on her (she didn't make you duel the guy, asshole), and left her yet again. Sure, they got back together following him saving her life, but I wouldn't count this as an example of him making amends — given the fact he kept being a jerk to her come book 2. Regaining his aristocratic position had always mattered more to him than Marietta. Deep down, she knew this was the case; even when she was still deluding herself into thinking he would change his ways on her account:

"The past was still there, an invisible barrier between us. He loved me. He had come back to America to claim me, but now that I was his he was strangely discontent.

Deep inside, I sensed the reason why. He loved me, yes, but he loved me in spite of himself. His love for me was a compulsion, beyond his control, as mine for him was, and I sensed that he would have been much happier if he had been able to forget me, if he had been able to select a cool, demure, virginal English girl to be his bride, a girl with breeding and background and blood as blue as his, a girl worthy of becoming Lady Hawke and serving as chatelaine in that ancestral hall he had finally claimed as his rightful heritage. I had a fine education, could be as cool and demure and aristocratic as any pink and blonde miss. I had blue blood, too, for my father had been the Duke of Stanton, but my mother had been a barmaid at the Red Lion Inn, and with the inbred snobbery he couldn’t really help, Derek couldn’t forget that, couldn’t forget I was illegitimate and, worse, far from pure.

Sensibly, I faced that fact. Derek didn’t want to love me, but he did, and I intended to prove that I was worthy of that love."

"I'm going to be his wife, not a secret mistress on the side. Just you wait!"

Nope! Marietta ended up getting kidnapped by pirates. What did Hawk do? Didn't even try looking for her! He assumed she had been killed by the pirates (you couldn't lift at least one finger to confirm her death, man?), so he married a full blue-blooded woman and moved on with his life. Meanwhile, Marietta tried returning to him immediately upon finding out he was still alive. Then, when she found him at last, she finally acknowledged the truth: Derek was never going to marry her, the illegitimate daughter of an aristocrat and a barmaid. She would be nothing more than his mistress.

Thus, she left him for good. What's that, Derek? You feel nothing for the lady you WILLINGLY married, and never stopped loving Marietta? You've been miserable without her? Too bad! She didn't look back. If you had been a slightly better lover, you wouldn't have let Marietta's lower social status stand between the two of you.

I like to think Hawke would have returned as a full-on villain in a fourth Marietta Danver book. She and the man who replaced Hawke did not get married in the third one (it's as if Huff had been saving a wedding for another book). Hawke was unhappy despite getting everything he wanted — everything except Marietta. He would've been a fantastic final obstacle to throw at the couple. If she won't be his mistress, he'll make her his prisoner! I don't know for sure if that's how Hawke would have proceeded, but I wouldn't put it past him. Unfortunately, Huff died six years after he wrote the third Marietta Danver book. A fourth one is never happening.

Anyway, Derek Hawke sucks. Not even in a "you love to hate him" sort of way.

[mosesdumpin]

What a wild topic to start on with my first post back on this site

One of the biggest reasons I stopped carrying a gun around in various places (either on my person or in my vehicle. It now stays locked up in my home) is because the more I was forced to think about any situation where that tool would be used, correctly or not, the more I understood that my life would end the moment it left the holster.

Jail, guilt, violent post-trauma, it doesn't matter. Even if I envisioned the perfect scenario where I can be "the good guy with a gun" and only wounded whoever was the threat my life was already surrendered and no longer my own. Therefore, it would be intolerable. In that latter scenario, I think I'd continue walking the earth despite my death for a while. I'd probably lean into the hero rhetoric and tell myself that I managed to prevent incredible violence by using a smaller, less lethal violence. That might last a few months at best. After all, I know I'm not alone in daydreams of hero fantasies, unbidden or invoked. In their most fantastical, its faceless monstrosities bearing down on us like the Orcs surging into Osgiliath. In our most mundane, its minimizing the destruction of Acts of God or the mistake of being in the wrong kind of car crash. I would hold on to that feeling while trying to ignore the personal judgement about humanity that I've cultivated from a long, painful, annoying life. I might even manage to convince myself, for a while, that I was wrong. That might work, as I've held the judgement firmly long enough to have developed a logic around it - but it was never something I built from common sense or rationalizations. It was a thing of experience, pain, loss, and guilt. I simply do not believe a human being can meet the expectations of our imaginary evil as an irreversible rot deserving being burnt out. Even if that judgement is wrong, there is not another human being who can make, or act/react upon, this hypothetical evil. But yes, in my dreamlike hypothetical above, I did not kill whoever threatened incredible enough violence. It does not change that I decided in those moments that I would fail the responsibility of another person's life by ending it before taking care of it. I know that sounds really overly compassionate or naive, but the fulcrum of my point rests on the fact that I Decided To Make That Choice. The merit of that choice, or the trolley-problem philosophy of it doesn't really matter to me. See, I think this idea that "our choices, and/or actions, define us" to be an absurdly reductive view of the world and ourselves. It feels a bit like describing the entire planet of Earth as edible if only you were big enough to swallow it whole. We aren't alone. To feel alone is to trust in the animalistic instinct that nothing exists beyond the edges of light from the fires we built around us. Even if we can't wait for daylight to see the trees of the forest in the darkness, we can hear the rest of the world creaking and snoring and making their own lights. We didn't even build those fires ourselves. We can't even point to everyone who lived in our presence as the entire source of ourselves - death and time being primarily our ways of coping with change. With that said, trying to figure out whose actions or choices matter the most in who or what we are is meaningless. Importance, priorities, and hierarchy can work for all the non-human things. Gravity, mass, and fucking orbital mechanics can be positioned in a strict order of power. If I ask myself what makes humans, and frankly all of that which can cognate, any different from the smashing of particles lighting our sun on fire I would answer with "choices" And they all matter. They do not take away your own just by having helped create you. You have birthed a million fingerprints on the souls of people whose eyes you never met, and the clay surrounding the contents of your thoughts are kaleidoscopes of the fingerprints your passers-by thoughtlessly left upon you. That means, to me, this man who I would have chosen to die, was equivalent to me in that moment. My choice towards his deserved death was one I created whether I succeeded or intended it, but I also created the reasons I would use to justify my choice. If I say "It is my responsibility whether you live or die," then I have linked our fates. And in the end, the good guy with a gun would choose death too.

[spreens]

'charred wedding photograph' FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU. SECOND, THAT IS BRILLIANT (aaa but pAIN). the perk builds fits them really well!! how about scar or etho? :O i'd say Bond for scar (s1 reputation point system) but he's more into scamming people so.. :/ honestly i kinda wanna start playing dbd again because of this crossover -dbd anon

AHHAHA I KNEW THAT OFFERING WOULD HURT!! and true dbd anon, i started playing demo and pig again when last life started previous week because i was like huh . . hu h hhmmm.

scar joel and eefo below >:)

As you mentioned, Bond would be a great choice for Scar because of his actions in s1, but I also believe it's a fantastic perk for him because of it's frequent ingame use as a double-edged sword for teammates. Yes, it's a fantastic perk for helping your friends, but there's a reason why Bond is considered one of the essential perks for a sandbagging/kill your friends/make randoms hate you match, and it's not so you can avoid the jungle gym they're hiding in.

Diversion is a fantastic meme perk, and I feel like where Scott would get his serotonin from stabbing attackers, Scar would take great joy in throwing various debris away and at the assaulter. Also incredibly infuriating and/or endearing for the killer at the receiving end of it. Is there anything more Scar?

If Dead Hard antis even exist, I'm one of them. I love getting outplayed by the letter E. However, I can't deny this exhaustion perk's place in Scar's roster, considering it's use straight up requires him to be injured. I feel like he would get the most v a l u e out of the perk than anyone else in previous or future perks.

Up the Ante is an Ace perk, for one, which immediately favours itself to Scar's personality, but also his insane luck/"""plot armour""" in s1 lends itself to great synergy with the perk. The more people alive, the luckier he is, which roughly lines up with the s1 timeline.

One brown medkit to get a cheap, quick self heal off of, and a shroud of union for... friend :)

YOU THOUGHT JOEL WOULD GET A SURVIVOR BUILD? FOOL (disclaimer i am a fake trapper player my trapper is p1 but my skill is p-1)

Hoarder is both for funny and sad because he spent basically most of the beginning of his red life experience getting robbed by multiple factions- something tells me that might become a sore spot in the future.

Rancor is an extremely fun one for Joel, both playing into the obsession mechanic and the fact that I have no idea if it'd be Lizzie or Pearl as the obsession, each with their own valid reasons. Both the aura exchange and the endgame kill mechanic are terrifying factors for whoever's unlucky enough to become the obsession.

M&A is just a lucky guess right now- people only seem to notice him when he's in talking distance, but that changes as soon as people spot him and go on high alert.

Bitter Murmur again is just creepy. Knowing (or not knowing) that through every death your position is being completely revealed, no matter how well you're hidden.

The logwood dye would help him hide his traps better (he needs it after that extremely shoddy one this session), and... the padded jaws are until he can get used to the fact he's setting fucking bear traps for his friends?

Etho here uses off-meta perks with good synergies because this man doesn't need a 5-gen chase to survive. Quick and Quiet, Iron Will and Dance with Me is a classic combo to escape most chases efficiently. The only major difference here is that instead of Lithe to make it even better, he's got Blast Mine because I genuinely cannot think of a more Etho perk than setting up a fucking flashbang for shits and giggles.

The key is there for a quick and easy escape when or if times get tough, and the offering basically guarantees a hatch spawn in or around the shack, which is extremely convenient. I fully believe he's got the skillset to support altruistic actions, he just has a preference more suited to blending into the shadows and frying killer retinas.

[faemytho]

If you're not too busy, I need some LGBTQ+ related advice. I was talking to someone earlier today, and I mentioned the topic of transgender people. I gave an example of "just because someone has the chest and (other parts) of a female doesn't automatically make them a woman", but they said it didn't make sense. They're older than me, so they know what a transvestite is, and they told me their work involves understanding brain development, but they only think of this as an opinion, (1/2)

(2/2)not an identity. I don't want to accuse them of being a t**f, but I don't know how to prove my point without simply calling it intuition. As someone who was a she/her but isn't anymore, do you know how to/if you can help me/anyone else that can have this problem? 

-

(here’s a good post that debunks the ‘gender is in the brain’ myth)

Note that I am not a professional, nor do I claim to speak for all trans people, but I am a trans person and I have a lot of experience with other trans people (I think I can count on one hand the amount of cisgender friends I have). So here’s my essay. Clowning in the notes will get you blocked on sight.

Also I’m not typically an advice blog but sure, I can answer this. Your friend actually is spouting t**f rhetoric, but that doesn’t necessarily make them a t**f. They probably genuinely do not understand the difference between sex and gender. So let me tell you, there’s a huge difference.

Gender as it pertains to our biological sex is a social construct. In other words, “sex=gender” is an incorrect formula. It’s not true.

As far as gender identity is concerned, it’s important to stress the fact that feeling an inherent sense of ‘this is incorrect’ when a trans person’s gender is associated with their birth sex.... is not an opinion. It’s not a choice a trans person just decides to make, nor is it a choice they even can make.

Thinking from this standpoint through a logical lens, if trans people could choose their genders, they likely would not exist as “trans people” if they could just choose to be cisgender. So why do so many trans people exist if it’s all just “a choice”? Do they choose to be part of an oppressed group that has no set in stone protections (in America) so they can make themselves targets of discrimination so they can wallow in self-pity about how they’ve reached rock bottom because of how discriminated against they’ve been? Why would they do that, that’s stupid. That is what makes no sense to me. It’s illogical, so why would people choose to do it?

Because it’s not a choice. Sex and gender identity are not the same; they are far from it. It has been proven before and it can be proven again.You can’t chose your sex, and you can’t choose your gender identity either.

A personal experience of mine, I used to know a trans person who encountered a xenogender label they absolutely adored. It catered directly to their special interest, they said it was a fantastic label with a beautiful flag and a beautiful definition... but it wasn’t their gender. They wanted so badly to identify as this gender but they couldn’t, because it just didn’t match their gender identity. “It’s not me, no matter how badly I want it to be.” It would be just as bad as forcing themself (a trans person) to identify as the same gender as their assigned sex at birth. It wasn’t them.

And that was that. I’ve actually encountered several labels like that myself; where I just loved them to death but I couldn’t identify as them because they weren’t me. Because it would feel wrong if I just decided, “you know what? Fuck it! I’ll use this label!” It would feel just as bad as being forced to be a gender I am not.

Would I benefit from identifying as a man? The answer is yes, I would! We live in a patriarchal society, I would reap a ton of benefits by identifying as and presenting as a man. But I don’t, because the idea of being male is inherently incorrect to me. I can’t choose it, even if I wanted to.

I love the female label. I love feminine things. I love them a lot, but I don’t love them when they’re used to refer to me. I can’t force myself to be female, nor would I want to, because it’s not what fits; it’s incorrect. It’s incongruent with me.

Here’s a roughly paraphrased transcription from one of my textbooks:

Biological sexes are the genitals and sex characteristics one is born with (when those sex characteristics may not fully match up as entirely of the male sex or entirely of the female sex, that person is considered intersex). Gender identity is defined as one's innate, inner sense of being male, female, something other, or something in-between. Gender expression is how one chooses to present themselves to themselves or others, which includes their appearance, dress, mannerisms, and speech patterns. Gender expression and gender identity do not have to match.

Here’s something you can choose: Gender expression. Dressing in drag, for example! Let’s break this down.

Transvestism is the practice of dressing in a manner traditionally associated with the opposite sex. (Why do we associate clothes with specific sexes? Why have we given specific clothes a sex assignment? Clothes are clothes; they can be worn by anyone regardless of sex and it’s not going to change someone’s sex. If women can wear pants and suits, why can’t men wear skirts? It’s actually the misogyny and toxic masculinity, but that’s a whole other rabbit hole).

Your appearance, your clothes, your personality, and even the way you talk, those are all things you can consciously influence and change. Expression is something you can change, but gender identity is not. An identified woman in a suit is still a woman. An identified man in a dress is still a man.

Food for thought. An intersex person exists, and stands before you. How do you answer the question, “What’s their gender?”. It cannot be answered by applying the “sex=gender” formula. Their sex is intersex; they are not completely, entirely, or just male or female. If one is supposed to go off of biological sex, how then do you determine their gender?

Logically? The “sex=gender” formula holds no weight. It just simply isn’t true. Another example. We insist on giving non-human characters genders, even when there is no biological component to go off of.

Wall-E and Eve, for example. They may be male and female coded respectively, but they don’t have any biological sex; they’re robots! How then does the “sex=gender” formula hold up? There’s no “sex” variable to equal the “gender” variable. So then it stands to reason by this formula that as robots, they have no gender, yet we insist on calling Wall-E a boy, and Eve a girl. Why would we do that if we, hypothetically, intend to uphold the “sex=gender” formula? They have no sex, so why would we call them male or female?

Because “sex=gender” is not true. What parts you were born with do not define whatever gender you may end up being.

There is a desperate need to differentiate between the female-sex, the female-gender, the male-sex, and the male-gender. They are not co-dependent; and they can exist without “matching up”. They don’t even have to exist in a person at all; take me, I’m trans-nonbinary person and I use a ton of xenogenders, but male and female? Those aren’t me. Would identifying as one of those make my life easier? Sure would! But I refuse to live as someone I’m not; I can’t live as someone I’m not.

Your friend should also probably come to terms with the fact that there are 7 billion people on this planet. The odds of all 7 billion+ of us fitting into one of two categories? Statistically, very unrealistic. We are unique individual people, with our own experiences and our own thoughts and beliefs. Why wouldn’t our genders adhere to our individuality? Even our biological sexes don’t adhere to a binary; they live on a spectrum, and anything within that spectrum isn’t entirely male or entirely female! Our sexes are as individual as each of us.

My experiences with my body, and my gender, are going to be different than anyone else who may even use the same label as I do! That’s just how it is. Our sex does not define our gender. Our gender identities cannot be chosen. We are who we are, and that in itself is pretty unique.

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 4 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Irene and I have finished season 4, finally, and I was surprised I still liked it like the first time I've watched it. I couldn't wait to get there (who knows why?) and I was actually afraid I wouldn't get as excited as I thought I would; but fortunately it still gives me the idea that it is one of the best Supernatural seasons.

It all starts with Dean coming back from hell and being clueless about how he did it. He soon finds out the Angel Of The Lord Castiel held him tight and raised him from perdition and that he has a fundamental role in the intent to stop Lilith's plans to free Lucifer from his cage and unleash the Apocalypse.

Will this review (and probably the next 11 ones) most likely be a little bit biased for Destiel? Definitely. Will I try to stay as objective as I can? Yes, but this doesn't mean I'll be very objective, after all I'm writing this review knowing what is going to happen in the next seasons (and, more precisely, in the scene, you know which one I'm talking about).

I honestly don't even know where to start, so I'm going to comment on what I think is important as the season goes on.

I believe 04x01 is one of the best episodes of this season (and maybe even one of my favourite episodes ever) for several reasons. We have Dean coming back from hell and meeting again with Bobby and Sam (and both of these moments are very touching, especially Sam's one). Although the reunion might be heartwarming, Sam is already keeping secrets from Dean: he is collaborating with Ruby to defeat Lilith (and in the meantime he's using his powers, which are stronger than ever, cause he's drinking demon blood to increase them). He lies to Dean, telling him he stopped trying to use his abilities against the enemy, and that causes the biggest drama between the two brothers this season (that will continue on the next one). Dean (and the others) wants to find out who's trying to contact him and who brought him back from hell: I love the way Castiel is slowly introduced during this episode. At first with the ultrasounds and the handprint (which is definitely a fantastic touch, that kinda shows a little possessive side if you think about it, and it is inevitably funny if you know everything that happens later on), then through Pamela, showing already all his power, and at the end of the episode there's a "dramatic" moment where Dean (and Bobby) finally meets Castiel (in his vessel) for the first time, and this might be one of the most epic and iconic scenes in Supernatural. The dynamic between these two is fantastic from the beginning (am I saying this because I'm totally biased?) and the line "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?" shows how Castiel has already understood Dean Winchester from just a look (and he's an angel who's not supposed to feel or understand feelings! Wow, the power of Destiel).

Moving on from this episode, in the second one we find out from Castiel that Lilith wants to break the 66 seals, foretelling the Apocalypse, in order to free Lucifer. On a side note, I like how bitchy Castiel is towards Dean at the beginning of their relationship ("Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier", "You should show me some respect, I dragged you out of hell, I can throw you back in").

I love episode 04x03 because I usually adore time travel (it often leads to some funny and very unusual situations) and I find this one extremely sad and touching, mostly because Dean has the opportunity to meet his parents when they are still young (and Mary and John's sides he didn't know about) and finds out how their family became cursed (and the worst thing is he can't change its destiny).

In episode 04x04 Dean finds out Sam has been working with Ruby this whole time and gets mad about it, which is pretty reasonable. As much as a part of me hates when Sam and Dean fight, another part of me loves it, especially in this season, and it's probably because I think both of them are right and wrong at the same time. Ruby seems reliable (for now much more than the angels) and Sam truly did some good with her, so it is logical for Sam to trust her, since she apparently hasn't done anything against him and she has also saved him (which Sam confesses to Dean on episode 04x09). On the other hand I understand why Dean wouldn't want his brother to continue his process of strengthening his powers: he's afraid Sam won't be the same. Plus his brother lied to him, so it becomes hard for Dean to trust him, and this episode marks a pretty sad change in their relationship that will only get worse later in the season.

I should also mention 04x07 in which two witches want to bring Samhain, a celtic god, back from the dead. By doing that another of the 66 seals would be broken so Dean and Sam, who were working on the case, are told by Castiel and Uriel (another angel) that Uriel has to destroy the city, since the two brothers can't stop the witches from bringing Samhain back. Dean wants to prevent Uriel from doing a massacre and convince Castiel to wait for a few hours and let them take care of the witches. They can't stop them and Sam confronts Samhain using his powers, although he promised Dean he wouldn't use them anymore. At the end of the episode Castiel confesses to Dean that his orders were to follow Dean's instructions and admits he has doubts towards God. I consider this conversation very important, since this is the first time Castiel lets Dean have a look at his inner thoughts, even if Castiel himself is afraid of them, which gets me thinking that he already trusts Dean.

I also wanted to point out that Dean starts calling Castiel "Cas" pretty soon, even if he doesn’t want to trust him yet (although I believe he already does unconsciously). And what's even funnier is that, by calling him "Cas", he removes from his name the part that means "of God", which kinda gives you already an idea of what it's going to happen to him.

In episode 04x09 we meet Anna, a fallen angel, who doesn't even remember she has ever been one, since now she's human and has lived a human life for years. Dean and Sam meet her because she seems to be capable of getting in contact with the angels and is suddenly wanted from both angels (who want her death because she rebelled from heaven) and demons (one of them is Alastair, who knows Dean from hell). Anna and Dean form a sort of bond and she tells him she fell from heaven because she fell in love with humanity (they also have sex in the Impala, but that's way less relevant, although I want to point out that she covers Castiel's mark on Dean's shoulder with her hand, which is a bit disturbing). They can't stop the angels from coming for her so when they arrive we see a beautiful totally not programmed and still hilarious scene of Dean and Anna kissing and Castiel looking at first intensively at them and then shamefully at the ground. I mean, what was that? I understand that Anna and Castiel are sort of parallels, because they are both two angels falling from humanity (they also talk about feelings and Castiel confesses he has already started having emotions), but isn't it the whole point of Destiel? An angel that falls in love with humanity because of one man (Dean, if that wasn't already obvious)? And we get this concept involuntarily since season four? That's… funny. Apart from all of that, Anna manages to get her grace back and hides from Castiel and Uriel.

Another important element in this episode, and in the whole season, is Dean's experience in hell, in which time works differently (four months equivalent to forty years). He finally tells Sam what it has been like and totally breaks down as he says he has spent thirty years being tortured and, since he couldn't resist anymore, the ten left torturing other souls. He also adds in the next episode, with shame, that in torturing souls he felt pleasure, because all the pain felt as a victim disappeared: this is what devastated him the most. I feel like Dean's time in hell inevitably shaped his personality a lot in this season, but it's a thing that changes him forever. He is more mature and somehow self-aware (and I love this aspect), but he's also way more desperate and hopeless (a trade I think characterises Dean way more than Sam in every season, but that's definitely more persistent in this one than it's ever been). I might be a bit sadistic, but I don't mind the bad parts Dean has kept from hell either: they show us a vulnerable side that Dean has always tried to hide. There's also the evident contraposition between Sam's physical power and apparent strong state of mind and Dean's unstable, weak and soft one (also relative to what Dean's big role is in this season and what Sam is actually capable of doing to prevent the apocalypse).

I'd talk about episode 04x14 just to mention the fact that the siren (who's supposed to turn into the person who should most sexually attract his victim) decides to show himself to Dean as a man. I get he was supposed to replace Sam's role as a brother, but the whole setting, the fact that sirens' attractiveness is usually sexual and the fact that even the actor who played the siren admitted the whole scene was a bit sensual should tell us something (it also seems funny that they had to precise multiple times he was trying to be his brother because otherwise that would have seemed too gay, it still seems gay, but whatever).

In episode 04x16 someone is killing the angels and Castiel asks Dean for help to find out who the killer is. The angels have the demon Alastair captured and Castiel tells Dean he's the only one who can torture him. The angel seems to be really upset about it, because he knows how this could hurt Dean, since this is what he has been doing for the past ten years in hell. Dean decides to do it anyway and he finds out from Alastair, during the torture, that he is the one who has broken the first seal (by deciding to torture souls) and made the first step to bring Lucifer back. This obviously breaks Dean even more, since he already hates what he has done in hell, and makes him believe he's not capable of doing what the angels want from him (and he admits it to Castiel, and in the next episode his superior Zacharia tries to convince Dean he's the right man by showing him that even in other realities he would end up killing monsters). We later find out that the one who killed the angels was Uriel that, hating humans, was on Lucifer's side. He asks Castiel to join him but he refuses and Anna, saving Castiel from a fight with Uriel, kills him. I don't have much thoughts on Uriel, I didn't like him even when he was supposedly on the good side. The only thing I like about him is that he had already acknowledged the fact that Castiel likes Dean (who would've thought?).

I have to mention episode 04x18 as I think is one of my favourites of the season and that starts a series of other fantastic episodes (and basically another reality). Sam and Dean find out their life has been written (and published) by Chuck, who's apparently a prophet of God (and turns out to be quite useful later on). This is one of my favourite things Supernatural likes to do: metanarrative. In my opinion it really brings out something new and extremely funny (especially since I know this won't be the last time the two brothers will have to deal with Supernatural).

Another important episode is 04x19, where Sam and Dean find out they have a stepbrother, Adam, who doesn't know about their dad's secret life of hunting. It's obvious the most hurt by the situation is Dean, who would have never thought John could lie about something like that and who's somehow jealous of Adam, since he had the opportunity to live a normal life that could have been possible for him and Sam as well. The one thing that surprised me was that he didn't want him to learn how to hunt (unlike Sam, who thought it could be a good idea for Adam to know how to protect himself). I think Dean shows how he has changed throughout the years and now believes that, since the kid had the opportunity to live a normal life, he doesn't want him to experience what they have. He's more mature and he has become way better than his father and it's funny how now Sam is the one who thinks more like John (although I think there is still a relevant difference between the two of them, fortunately). We eventually find out that it wasn't Adam, but the monster they were fighting, and that Adam is already dead: at first I was a little bit surprised because I remembered that Adam would be in the next season, but it's Supernatural, so I should be used to it by now.

The next episode is important especially for showing us sides of Castiel's life that were not entirely clear before: in this case we find out how the angel reached out his vessel, Jimmy Novak. As much as I can see why Castiel had to occupy Jimmy's body, it's totally understandable that the man wants to go back to his life and that he doesn't want anything more to do with Castiel and everything about him. I also understand that he doesn't want to be with the Winchesters, although objectively they are right to want to keep him away from his family. In general the situation is definitely complicated and, from Jimmy's point of view, quite tragic. We can also tell Castiel, as much as he is already more empathic than the other angels, is not human and can't quite think like one, even if he has Dean who shows him his perspective. Knowing everything that happens to him later on makes me understand how much he has changed throughout the seasons (and knowing who has made that change possible warms my heart). It was quite strange to see Castiel acting like this since at this point I'm used to the Castiel in the latest seasons, but overall I like him a lot in the earlier ones as well.

At this point of the season, drinking demon blood for Sam has become like a drug and Dean can't continue to let his brother ruin himself like that, so with Bobby he decides to lock him in Bobby's panic room. I understand Dean is scared of what Sam could become and is becoming, but at this point Sam is at a level so high that he can't make it without demon blood, and staying for a long time without it could really hurt him further. It also seems that Sam is the only solution to kill Lilith and end the arrival of the Apocalypse. Of course Dean continues to argue that it's best to exclude Sam from this matter given his status, but Sam runs away and tracks down Ruby, with whom he's been working all season trying to be as discreet as possible so as not to worry Dean.

Sam's series of lies, the concern that he might become a monster, and the close collaboration with Ruby increase Dean's anger and disappointment with his brother throughout the season. He no longer trusts him and this deeply saddens both Sam and Dean himself, because he realizes that something has broken between them by now. As much as Sam may have his good reasons for wanting to work with Ruby (and he has), I think he's handled this situation in the worst possible way and that Dean is right about not trusting him anymore (or maybe I'm just a little conditioned by my love for Dean).

I think another reason that has increased the anger towards Sam is the fact that he has repeatedly admitted that he has been decidedly stronger than Dean since he was in hell. It's probably something they both agree on, but Dean is used to considering himself weak and not strong enough to sustain a certain situation. The thing that saddens Dean the most is the fact that his brother thinks so too.

However, this conflict ends with a fight between the two after Dean is able to find his brother. As much as I'm on Dean's side, I hated it when he called Sam a monster, because he knows that's the biggest fear that haunts his brother and calling it like that must have really destroyed him. After the fight everyone goes for his path: Sam with Ruby and Dean, finally convinced by Castiel, with the angels.

Shortly after, however, he discovers that his real role is not to stop the Apocalypse but to stop Lucifer, because he will be Micheal's vessel, and that when Lilith is killed the last seal will be broken, giving way to the Apocalypse. Dean disagrees with the angels and tries to convince Castiel to side with him and abandon the angels to try to stop the Apocalypse.

The twist itself is well constructed, although in my opinion, to make it even better, they could have shown angels as decidedly more reliable creatures, and then break all our trust (and with it also Dean's hopes). During the end of the season, apart from Castiel, the most reliable one seems to be Ruby. And that's why I think this is a much better twist: Sam completely relied on the demon, who always proved to be there for him, and to kill Lilith seems like the most logical move to make to prevent Lucifer from resurrecting. Even when I knew Ruby was cheating Sam the dynamic seemed so unexpected to me that I didn't even remember how she would do it. On top of that Sam's willingness to kill Lilith (mostly for revenge) and to stop the rise of Lucifer is actually what permits Lucifer to rise. So I can only imagine how guilty Sam felt after he realized what he had done (and the worst but best thing at the same time is that it's not even his fault, not entirely at least). Eventually the two brothers open and close the circle of the Apocalypse's arrival, which adds a touch of perfection to the whole situation.

Dean, after convincing Castiel to side with him, goes to Chuck to find where Lilith, Ruby and Sam are. Castiel transports Dean to Sam and tries to stop the angels who want the Apocalypse to begin, losing his life. This is another great step Castiel takes for Dean against his own brothers, proving that he now considers himself at Dean's side more than any other person's side. Dean arrives too late to stop Sam, who has already killed Lilith, and the fourth season ends with a confused and desperate Sam, an angry and desperate Dean, and Lucifer returning.

In the end I believe that this is the best season of Supernatural so far for several reasons: the arrival of Castiel who adds new aspects both to the Supernatural universe (talking about angels) and to the character of Dean (and later also to that of Sam), the continuous struggle between the two brothers, Ruby's character (which I think has been made quite effectively and which has also improved this season, as well as her relationship with Sam), the plot twist and the change that hell caused in Dean.

Usually this is considered one of the best seasons of Supernatural, and I completely agree, but having seen the series with long time gaps I feel I'll be able to judge only at the end of the fifteenth if this (and the fifth) are actually the best seasons of Supernatural, at least for me.

- Carly 💚

[luverofsupernatural]

Okay. I acknowledge that my writing is not as bad as I think it is. Because I have read and re-read it so many times. I crafted sentences out of thin air. I changed scene dynamics with a single turn of phrase. Yes, no action may happen. But I make my characters deal with complex emotions.

Take Jackie for example. I had him lose his powers and then try and suck-it-up and accept that he was just going to be a regular civilian without giving him the space to grieve. Or to acknowledge that even if part of him likes the idea, it doesn't know what to do now since Jackie has never really been idle before.

Or Jameson. He's always seen as their baby brother, no matter what. They want to try and encourage him for the small things, but they constantly underestimate how he actually is. He may not have thrown himself into danger like the rest of them, but being that different, he has to have a thick shell in order to survive. He knows how to fight (thanks to Jackie), how to care for others (in part, based on Chase and his kids), and how to talk about hard things (because of big brother Henrik). He knows how to be a human and adult. It's easier/safer with his brothers, but they just.... don't understand him like they should. And right now, he thinks he loves Emma, but what even is love? Because what he feels is nothing like what his brothers have described, or what movies show it as.

And Chase? Well, he is trying to recover from a depressive episode and suicide attempt. And his brothers are so timid around him and babying him with small tasks. He admits, the small tasks are great, but if he were to say "I don't have the energy today" to even go out on a walk, they wouldn't come back with "just, brush your teeth today. Don't want tooth decay." No, they'd go on about how it's simple, he'll feel better afterwards. If he's lucky, one of them would actually accompany him on the walk. But more than that, he's hiding the fact that he knows what happened to his kids ((and I actually have tk rewrite a bit, since J thought of this at ch 20)). He knows they are dead, but absolutely cannot tell his family. Why? Well, maybe he feels ashamed that he couldn't save them. Or maybe he thinks they'll pity him even more. Or maybe, maybe he doesn't want to believe it true. ((I haven't actually figured out why)). But he can't suppress his grief always. And when he does, the others don't understand it. They feel like he's overreacting or just being lazy. But he was like this before he learned of their deaths. it's made it worse, but he's still the same person struggling to even live normally again. And now Jackie is trying to be a martyr, and Jameson almost got killed, and he can't accept more loss because it'll destroy him again. It already opened his tightly kept grief box wide-open so that now he can't hide it anymore.

And Henrik. He's always a sourpuss, off-putting, and a hard person to love. Maybe he thinks that's easier. But when no one is looking, he has all the love in the world for his family. Because he can't dare show he loves them. They're loud, demanding, naive, screwed up, and have this sense of 'lets save the world' instead of basic self-preservation. But he'll be their caretaker. It's literally what he's done his entire life. To not have that would be like a part of Henrik is missing. But, he tries to remind himself of the human aspect in all of this. They get hurt, and cry, and need support, and someone to snuggle and say they love them. And Henrik is great- he's fantastic at making sure they have their basic needs met and he can be a rock for them to lean against. But he's never been great at the soft emotional side. Maybe because he never had a chance to just cry for himself unless he was alone. Or felt like he had to be the strong stoic rock. He can't say I love you. Because that's too much mush. So he says "eat your food, drink your water" because then they are cared for and looked after.

And Marvin? Well, let's just say he's been manipulated his entire life. He doesn't know how to trust. Only trust himself and his powers.