#yes even the bizarre festival one

[exsqueezememacaroni]

.

[brunhielda]

As I am unable to indulge in my yearly Independence Day tradition this year, I instead reccomend it to total strangers on the internet.

(If you are reading this and it is not July 4th, USA, this is still a decent recommendation in general)

Watch 1776, the movie musical from 1972. (It is available on Amazon and Apple TV for less than $5, and is free with Hulu)

“Why?” I hear you ask, “would I watch that old thing when I have Hamilton?”

Firstly- I will not compare quality. The two shows are apples and oranges and the only thing they have in common is the subject matter being the Revolutionary period of the USA.

I will openly admit that Hamilton has much more dynamic staging/dancing, and there is simply no rap to be heard in 1776.

That said, reasons you absolutely SHOULD watch it:

1) You have already seen Hamilton. Presumably you have not seen 1776. It will be something new.

2) The line “Sit down John, you old f-!” from Hamilton is a reference to this musical, so you know Lin Manuel Miranda is a fan.

3) The main character, John Adams, is played by a much younger William Daniels. You may know him as “Mr. Feeny.” And yes. He is glorious.

4) You will enjoy such fun quips as-

“I have better things to do than stand around listening to Benjamin Franklin quote himself.”

“Hold on John- that was a new one!”

(Arguing with God)

“A simple plague of locusts I’d accept with some dispare. But no, you gave us Congress! Good God Sir, was that fair?”

“May my horse be turned to glue if I can’t deliver unto you a resolution on Independancy.”

(Said horse- a paid actor- turns around to bite him)

Jokes from old congressmen about being so old it hurts to piss.

Jokes about bull testicles.

(Refusing to help write the Declaration)

“I cannot write with any style or proper edicate! I don’t know a participle from a predicate! I am just a humble cobbler from Connecticut.” (He is so relatable for that. The whole song is one big- everyone is trying to ditch this “group” project)

5) Thomas Jefferson being too horny to work is a major plot point.

6) The most romantic subplot in this film, and I mean, actually beautifully romantic, is John arguing with his wife, Abigail, via letters. Best part about that is these parts are straight from their real historical letters. Perfect in every way. 🥰

7) The discussion on Slavery is intense. I will say this version of events paints Jefferson rather rosy, but it was written before we knew what we knew about him, and he is documented as fighting hard to end slavery with the founding of the nation. It is bizarre, knowing that, that he continued on in the manner he did. People are multifaceted, and some just get worse with age.

But the part in this movie that is worth watching is the argument the South gives back. Thier argument is basically “If we are sinning by this practice, then you are sinning with us, because you benefit.” While it is a lack luster argument to keep doing as you are doing, it does allow a nuanced understanding of privelege before the term was even used in that manner.

It also delivers a bone chilling example of the triangle trade in the form of a song that has haunted me since childhood.

“Molasses to rum to slaves. Who sails the ships out of Boston? Laden with bibles and rum? Whose fortunes are made in the triangle trade? Hail Charleston! Hail Boston! Who stinketh the most?”

8) “Cool Considerate Men” is also bone chilling, as a bunch of conservative congressmen dance calmly while listening to a casualty report from Washington. The song will never not be relevant.

9) In the same way, “Mama Look Sharp” will always always bring me to tears. It is a song from a Messenger Boy sent with Washington’s missive from the front. He sings about his friend calling for his mother as the young boy lay dying on “the green.”

The green was where people held meetings and parties and festivals- the green is the old fashioned version of “the Town Park.” The first battles for freedom were faught in town parks, where boys crawled off under thier favorite tree to die.

In light of everything that we have heard about fighting for freedom around the world, the line “The soldiers they fired! Oh Ma, did we run. Hey! Hey! Mama, look sharp,” is making me cry right now, and I haven’t even heard this song in a year. 😭🎶

10) “Is anybody there??? Does anybody care?! Does anybody see what I see? I see Americans, ALL Americans, FREE, forever more! Is anybody there??? Does anybody care?! Does anybody see what I see?”

The older I get the more I relate to John Addams screaming into the void because he simply cannot fix all the problems by himself.

There is more I could say about this musical, but at that point it would just be telling. Go watch the film. It’s funny and fun and poignant and powerful, and might make you cry. As good broadway often does.

[patibato]

[Bitter Sweet Sixteen] 002-A09 - Death in Seto

Coordinator: Good grief… I offered my cooperation because I wish to study regional revitalisation, but perhaps that was misguided of me!

Nanaki: …

Coordinator: When walking on the balcony, someone suddenly bumps into me - and upon seeing me fall, he lets out a bizarre scream without apologising…!

Ushio: …You're the one who bumped into me.

Coordinator: It's good that I wasn't injured, however, to be frank… I cannot possibly imagine how children such as this will be able to assist in the management of the Summer Festival!

Momiji: I don't know how to apologise for this. Gannosuke-san, I'm really sorry!

Ushio: An apology's just going to make him more stuck up. It's impossible for someone to be completely faultless in a head-on collision.

Momiji: Shush.

Gannosuke: I migrated to Shodoshima a number of years ago. Though, while I say that, my home is primarily in Tokyo.

I was active as an artist of certain works for many years, but- I've grown sick of the hustle and bustle of the city.

I chose a dwelling in Shodoshima for the times I wish to concentrate on nothing but creative work.

Kiroku: … …

Gannosuke: Living on this island for several years means I know all about it, and it is also why I am uneasy about you all.

It's no easy feat to earn the trust of the islanders!

Treat people with good faith, endeavour to interact sincerely no matter the situation. Isn't that attitude the most important thing!?

Momiji: Uh, yes, it's exactly as you say…! I'm really sorry!

Gannosuke: I'm also a member of the tourism department, but Shodoshima is severely lacking in human resources. And with the Summer Festival one week away…

I don't know what "Dispatched Tourism Ward Mayors" are, but with such light-hearted attitudes, I've no expectation of your help being any good!

Nanaki: You're getting pretty close to false accusations, here.

Momiji: Come on…!

Nanaki: At any rate, doesn't he look like someone? This guy.

Kiroku: …Mm.

Ushio: I get ya. Who is it… I can't remember.

Momiji: Don't talk!

Gannosuke: Truly, kids these days are… deplorable. Even while being scolded, there's a child who hides his face and identity - what can I do but ask what this world's come to!

Ushio: You mean Muuchan?

Muneuji: ?

Ushio: Your helmet.

Muneuji: Ah, pardon me.

Muneuji: I wasn't particularly intending to hide, but rather, the helmet is already one with myself, so I hadn't noticed-

Gannosuke: Oh… OOOOOOOOUUUUGH…!

Momiji: Woah… are you alright!? You suddenly fell over, what is it!?

Gannosuke: What are you feigning ignorance for…! When in the presence of one of God's supreme creations, no mere human in existence could stand up straight…!

Momiji: Supreme…? I mean, I'm also surprised that he turned out to be such a pretty boy.

Gannosuke: I'm not talking about his face… I'm talking about his eyelashes.

Momiji: Huh?

Gannosuke: They're the Eyelashes of God!

Nanaki: …What's this guy on about? Is he okay?

Gannosuke: Kaguya-kun, you said!? The form of your divine eyelashes… flawless! 360 degrees, and perfect when viewed from any angle!

From the way they grow to the shape they form, dainty yet magnificent with no gaps whatsoever! What can I say but that they are an act of God!

Muneuji: I see.

Gannosuke: An outstanding, once in a millennium talent…! Oh, God! I am eternally grateful to you… Amen!

Ushio: This guy's scary.

Momiji: I don't really get it, but I guess they're amazing?

Gannosuke: You see, I am but one of the few eyelash artists in JPN.

Momiji: Th-there sure are many different kinds of artists, huh.

Gannosuke: Captivated by eyelashes, I've continued to style them for many months and years. That I should meet with the Eyelashes of God at this very moment, on Shodoshima - it must be fate.

I would like to take back what I just said. With your eyelashes, you'll surely be able to do the Summer Festival, regional revitalisation - anything at all.

Muneuji: I do not understand your reasoning, but I am happy simply hearing you say that.

Momiji: Thank you very much! What a relief!

Nanaki: I can only feel nervous…

Ushio: Agreed.

Momiji: Let's get straight to the point and establish our goals!

As Dispatched Tourism Ward Mayors, we will be assisting Shodoshima in managing its Summer Festival, since it's short on hands.

Gannosuke-san said so before, but there's one week until the festival.

You'll be graded based on contribution points you earn while helping out, including during the preparatory period, and those scores will determine whether or not you get inaugurated as a Tourism Ward Mayor… that's how it is.

Does anyone have any questions so far?

Kiroku: …Um.

Momiji: Yes, Kiroku-kun.

Kiroku: …Isotake… isn't… here.

Momiji: Huh?

Kiroku: …Since the lecture started… he's always, been… gone.

Momiji: What!?

Momiji: Akuta-kuuun! Heeey! Where'd you gooo!

(His shoes aren't here either… I'm sure he slipped out of the inn in the confusing mayhem of the "first murder".)

He doesn't have his phone, which is an issue. And Gannosuke-san started saying weird things as I was about to leave…

---

Gannosuke: I hear that "eyelash-plucking yokai" come out around these parts.

Momiji: Th-thank you for the sudden information.

I have heard that Shodoshima has many tales relating to yokai. But, why suddenly bring up…

Gannosuke: I'm wondering if Isotake-kun has been spirited away by the eyelash-plucker.

Momiji: It'd be awful if his eyes became filled with garbage! I have to go look for him right away!

---

Momiji: (So I said, but I have no leads… what do I do…)

*car noises*

Momiji: (That's… the sound of Sakujiro-san's car!)

Momiji: Excuse me, Sakujiro-san! Sorry for doing this right as you arrive, but Akuta-kun is-

Ah.

Akuta: Hehe. I got caught.

Sakujiro: I spotted him running towards the movie village. And so I picked him up.

Momiji: I can always count on you, Sakujiro-san! Thank you so much!

(Akuta-kun sure does like movies…)

Gannosuke: Ooh, did you find him? …What matters is that his eyelashes are safe. In that case, I'll stop here.

Momiji: Sorry for the worry… thank you very much! …Akuta-kun, I'll have a word with you later.

Akuta: Aaalright.

Momiji: Guuuys, I found Akuta-kun… huh? What are you eating?

Ushio: Fried somen.

Nanaki: Some welcome food was set out. It's crunchy and delicious. Want some, Chief?

Momiji: No, we're all going out for dinner now, so let's leave the snacks to look forward to later.

Ushio: Huh? All of us? Skulking in together?

Akuta: It's fine it's fine, it sounds fun and I'm starving~

Ushio: I'm not going. I absolutely refuse to be coerced into doing private things like eating as a group. No obligation to.

Nanaki: I'm not going either. Have fun.

Akuta: You're coming, right, Muneuji? Right? Let's eat delicious food until our stomachs are about to burst.

Muneuji: I'll come along.

Momiji: So then, Kiroku-kun-

Kiroku: … …I'm…… also not…

Akuta: Ah~ stop right there! You wanna go, don'tcha? I read your feelings loud and clear, so it's a-ok!

Kiroku: That's not… …

Akuta: Right, it's decided. Let's skulk in and be happy~! Yeah~!

Kiroku: …

Momiji: Alright, let's head out then!

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Masterlist

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Can I have part two hc of the sound piller wives with Exsotica?

Liked each of them get to see them getting ready for each time for a peraid as it's something many in the district enjoy to see as they see Exsotica is a embodiment of good fortune and luck

Hinatsuru

Already showing her prowess within the Kyogoku House

It wouldn’t be bizarre that she be allowed to help prepare you for the parade 

She’s incredibly responsible 

Performing her tasks of preparing the items for your parade posse

She’s smooth, using her task of organizing the flowers to let herself into your private room

The one you’ve dedicated to calming your nerves and preparing to be Exotica 

You didn’t respond or even react as she entered the room 

Minding your bedazzled hat and train of your celebration kimono she stepped closer to you

She puts her flowers against your makeup under the guise of matching the flowers to you’re themes

“Hinasturu?”

“Mhhh.”

“I can’t really open my eyes, sorry for not making eye contact.”

“Don’t worry at all, I only wanted to match the flowers to your essence.”

She moved close to you letting her hand holding the flowers fall

You could feel her breath tickle your made up lips 

As if she was going to–

“Exotica, the floats are almost ready! Oh Hina, did you pick the flowers that will match her best. ” 

You imagined she did her small smile before leaving as quickly as she came

‘You make it so easy to be distracted.’

Makio

“ Hey, Makio if you want to help so bad you can carry the Tibetan Singing bowl

Unfortunately this role in your parade doesn’t receive a lot of proximity to you

As the forefront of the parade she was supposed to introduce you 

Which apparently didn’t require her being allowed to really see you

…that is if she wasn’t an undercover kunoichi

Slipping through your window in the early morning just as the night had finally ended she slips in through your oddly opened window

You’re still snoozing but she’ll slip under your covers

Squeezing you as she cuddles in

“H-huh M-maki-?”

“Shhh shhh, you’ve gotta relax right? Just sleep.”

She’ll leave before everyone starts streaming in 

But now she can happily play the tibetan singing bowl

With her daily dose of (Y/n) to keep her happy

‘I can do anything with her…can’t think of what’ll be like when this is over…”

Suma

“NOOOOO (YYYY/NNNN)!! I Wanna Go with youuuu!”

She’s wailing as your young handmaidens try and fight her off

The headwife of the Tokito household just sighs as she tries to think of something to satisfy her need to be by your side

“H-how about you, hold their train? Yes, you can do that right? You’ll be the closest you can be as they do their parade.”

“O-okay.”

She’s reluctantly letting you get changed whining all along as she gets her supporting kimono on

When she’s dressed she immediately run or skip to find you

Letting her into your private room she almost risks smudging her makeup against you 

Until you advise her to keep it together so she can enjoy the parade

“B-but you won’t be able to go with me later…What will I do then?”

You rub her back and flash a smile that has here sucking up her tears and blushing

“You’ll have to have all the fun for me and after that you can share your finds with me. Can you do that Suma?”

“Y-yeah.”

So she’ll happily continue on holding your train and enjoying the parade and aligning festival

‘(Y/n) really cares…I don’t want this to ever end.’

[cryoculus]

— guard dog 05 ⟢

pairing: thoma x assassin!reader

summary: this isn't the first time you've attended a festival at amakane island. but why does it feel so different when you watch the fireworks with a green-eyed outlander?

word count: 5.3k words

notable characters: thoma, kamisato ayaka

tags: found family, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, eventual smut

warnings: allusions to past trauma

header art cr: ha__ze on twt

masterlist

“Have you been to a festival before, little one?”

Doctor Naoko’s voice was quiet amidst the rain prattling against the windowpane. You glanced at him curiously, sliding the minced lavender melons in a cooking pot with the blunt of a kitchen knife. 

“No,” you told him, slightly miffed that he’s still calling you little one. “But Mother and I used to watch the fireworks from Narukami Island before…”

He nodded solemnly. “The Tatarigami.”

“The Tatarigami,” you repeated.

A thick silence filled the room as you watched a bright violet sheen bleed into the boiling water. You’d volunteered to make tonight’s batch of lavender melon soup, given that Doctor Naoko was preoccupied with something else. That being, a sturdy katana given by the village chief. 

The samurai who owned it passed away earlier this week. He could no longer resist the effects of the curse, it seemed. But with no family to leave his katana behind, Doctor Naoko insisted that he keep it for now. While the prospect of a sword in the possession of a traveling doctor might’ve been odd, the village chief allowed it. 

Now, there he was—diligently wiping the blade’s edge at the dinner table.

“Would you like to see the fireworks someday?” 

You turned to look at him bizarrely, stirring the pot a few times before responding.

“And infect the people of Narukami in the process?” you laughed. “Doctor, you know what the rest of the locals say. If you’re born in Higi Village, you die in Higi Village. That’s even more true now.” 

Doctor Naoko sighed, sheathing the sword before laying it atop the wooden table. There’s an…indecipherable look on his face as he processed your words.

“You’ve been taking the supplement, right?” 

Your brow furrowed, gaze darting to the medicine cabinet near the entrance to his home. Though you couldn’t see it now, you knew there was a vial of that odd, pink liquid that the doctor asked you to test for him. He never told you what it was made from, and you didn’t ask.

Normally, one would be opposed to becoming a lab rat. But you’ve long accepted that one day, you’ll wake up with blood dripping from every orifice—the most definite sign that the Tatarigami had claimed yet another soul in its grasp. Your life had already lost its meaning the moment you’d been born here, and you owed it to Doctor Naoko to assist him with his research anyways. 

“Yes,” you murmured. “The nosebleeds have stopped since you put me on the new medication. So have the migraines.”

He hummed. “And the nightmares?”

You bit your lip. He sighed.

“Well, progress is progress.” Doctor Naoko laughed. “If the new medicine proves to be effective, then we can stop giving that placebo to the villagers. We can finally give them a real cure. And maybe…we can take everyone out to Amakane Island to watch the fireworks. How’s that sound?”

Your eyes roved to the cooking pot, watching as bubbles broke through the rich violet surface. You knew that the worst lavender melon soup could cure was fatigue. Knew that Doctor Naoko had been deliberately lying to the villagers about its medicinal properties. But with how his research has been fairing, you decided to humor him. Just this once.

A kind smile inched past your face, hoping that one day, the doctor’s musings would become a reality.

“I’m looking forward to it.” 

A few months after Doctor Naoko made the implicit promise, you’d fled Yashiori and witnessed your very first festival.

The experience had been underwhelming at best. As you weaved through the throng of visitors on Amakane Island, you couldn’t quite understand what was so exciting about festivals and fireworks and everything else the doctor had animatedly told you about. Not even the colorful string of lanterns and the jovial atmosphere could convince you. 

But then again, your heart was heavy with the weight of grief. You came to Narukami Island, not to indulge in the festivities, but to find work. 

Work fit for a scoundrel who let the doctor die right in front of her.

Before he passed, your biological father had been one of the guardian samurai of the village. Though he didn’t live long enough to teach you the art of the sword, you learned the ropes rather quickly once you’d taken Doctor Naoko’s katana and left. It was for that reason (among many others) that you chose to be a mercenary. 

You found that building a name for yourself wasn’t as hard as you expected. Your methods weren’t confined to weapons alone. In this line of work, you had to learn about poisons, espionage, and of course, deceit. 

There was a time when you’d considered using your…affliction to get jobs done. The Tatarigami curse didn’t play favorites. It spread indiscriminately to every sorry mortal it could get its hands on. If your target was around you long enough, you’re certain you could infect him in no time.

But the longer you took on all those odd jobs, you realized something.

You’d gone through the rest of Doctor Naoko’s supplements when you made the trip to the capital. Of course, they weren’t enough to last you for longer than you’d prefer. You only ever expected yourself to live for a few months more before the curse could fully take effect, but as you took one mission after the other, that’s when you noticed.

The Tatarigami couldn’t chain you to its grasp. Doctor Naoko’s supplements worked.

You were cured.

And that’s how, in spite of your blatant dislike for them, you started frequenting festivals more often. Whether they’re held in Inazuma City or Amakane Island, you’d be there—lingering in the shadows as you watched the colorful fireworks light up the sky. 

After all, attending on his behalf was the least you could do for the doctor who’d saved your life even if his had been cut short.

“Milady! Miss Kira! You’re finally here!”

Your thoughts were abruptly derailed as a familiar voice hauled you back to the present. Just like he always did.

“Thoma,” Ayaka greeted her chief retainer with a smile. “I’m glad to see that everything seems to be in order.”

The blond laughed raucously. “Of course. I don’t want you to work any more than you already have. We all know those meetings at the Tenshukaku could be a bit much. Oh, you even brought Miss Kira along!”

You managed a tight-lipped smile. “Pleasure seeing you here, Master Thoma.” 

“Miss Kira told me along the way that she’s yet to witness the fireworks show.” Lie. “And that she wanted to experience a festival firsthand.” Another lie. “But ah… As much as I’d love to show her around, I should look for Brother. Have you seen him?”

Thoma hummed in contemplation. “I could have sworn I saw the Commissioner discussing something with Mister Naganohara and Yoimiya at the top of the hill. Would you like me to escort you?”

Ayaka shook her head. “No. I have a more important task for you.” 

“And that is?”

The princess smiled in a way that was just a tad bit mischievous before abruptly placing both of her hands on your shoulders.

“To show Miss Kira just how fun Amakane festivals can be, of course!”

Saying that you were appalled to be left alone with Thoma was an understatement.

To your utter disappointment, the chief retainer didn’t even express the slightest hint of refusal once Ayaka had issued the order. Thoma simply nodded along with that stupid, obedient smile of his before the rest of the guards led Ayaka further up the hill. You could only scowl as the princess left you in the dust—only to be tended to by your captor. 

“Soooo…” he drawled, that familiar, knowing look settling once more on his face. “I take it that this isn’t your first time witnessing this at all?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Just give me the tour so we can get it over with.”

“Hey, the only way you can enjoy a festival to the fullest is if you don’t rush things,” Thoma tutted. “I’m sure a brooding assassin such as yourself wouldn’t have the time for that sort of appreciation anyways.”

“Okay Mister Festival Connoisseur, can we get a move on now?” 

The first stop was a takoyaki stall with a handful of visitors crowding the vicinity. The scent of fried squid and smoke filled your nostrils, and you squinted ahead just to catch a glimpse of the man filling orders up front. But before you could even ask Thoma how long the two of you had to fall in line, one of the owners was already calling out to him in welcome. 

“Master Thoma, it’s you!” spoke a woman with graying hair. “You’re here to fulfill your promise to offer us your patronage, I take it?” 

Thoma chuckled earnestly as he tugged you by the elbow. “Miss Reina, I had no such intention to leave you hanging! I was just waiting for my companion here to arrive is all.”

You eyed him bizarrely but Reina again spoke before you could even put a word in. 

“Oho? Companion, you say,” The woman stared at you in a way that you knew was meant to tease. “So, what’ll it be tonight, Master Thoma?”

The chief retainer hummed. “How about…two Amakane specials?  

Reina nodded as she scribbled the order before another one of the patrons blatantly shouted hers right next to your ear. The crowd was getting more and more congested and you instinctively leaned away just to grant yourself some more breathing room. But in the process, you accidentally pressed yourself closer to Thoma’s side. 

Damn it!

“It's getting quite busy tonight,” Reina sighed apologetically. “How about the two of you look around for a while and I’ll deliver your food once it’s ready?”

You gulped. “That won’t be nece—”

“Sure,” Thoma interjected. “See you later, Miss Reina.”

Surely enough, the chief retainer took it upon himself to drag you to the next booth over without another word. Once you’d gotten away from the rest of the hungry visitors, you shot him a scowl.

“You were totally abusing your privilege,” you hissed, fisting his jacket. “Just because you’re a hotshot from the Kamisato clan, doesn’t mean you get to abuse the people’s kindness like that!”

Thoma shrugged. “It’s not abuse if the kindness is willingly offered in the first place, Miss Kira.”

“You—!”

“Master Thoma!”

Startled, you glanced at the man who addressed Thoma with the same enthusiasm as Rina from the street food stall. He stood right in front of an array of festival masks with varying designs. Fom tengu to oni to kitsune—he had them all.

“Sanden!” Thoma greeted in earnest. “Got any new designs we can get our hands on?”

The vendor, Sanden, nodded. “You’re just in time, actually. My daughter has been going on and on about these two fox spirits from a storybook Miss Yoimiya had given a month ago. Here, take a look! They’re a matching pair.”

He gently lifted two black kitsune masks off the display board—both adorned with metallic patterns that contrasted with their obsidian sheen. One was lined with golden accents, while the other, a glittering silver. Sanden gave the former to Thoma, and the latter to you.

“Interesting,” your companion doled out, studying the craftsmanship rather intently. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the story behind them?” 

Sanden smiled. “Well, those two fox spirits actually represent the sun and the moon. The story goes like this: the sun spirit runs across the horizon for hours on end, in a futile attempt to chase the moon. And come nighttime, the moon spirit does the same in hopes of reaching the sun.”

“That seems a little too tragic for a children’s book, doesn’t it?” you asked dryly as you checked out the mask in your hands. 

“Not at all, miss.” The vendor shook his head. “Because the two spirits long to be together, they gave birth to the cycles of night and day. Knowing that our realities are borne from the love the spirits have for one another is rather comforting in this age of chaos. Don’t you think so?” 

“But that’s just a legend, right?” 

Sanden shrugged, one eye dropping into a wink. “We can never really know, and that’s what makes it all the more enchanting.”

“Here.”

Blinking in confusion, you jolted slightly as Thoma plucked the silver-sheened mask from your grasp. But your expression softened when you realized he’d already adorned the golden one at the side of his head. He fastened yours in place, and you were too stunned to protest.

“Whatever tale they’re based off of, masks are a staple in festivals,” he murmured, smiling at his handiwork once he pulled away. Thoma then turned to Sanden. “How much for these two?”

The vendor shook his head. “I almost didn’t make it in time to set up shop, and you helped me sort everything out, Master Thoma. It’s on the house.”

“Master Thoma! Little miss! Special delivery!”

Just in time, a lively looking Reina carried two plates containing a vast assortment of street food. Egg rolls, dango, takoyaki, rice balls, sushi—they were all plated so neatly, you couldn’t believe your eyes. So that was the Amakane special. 

“Just like old Sanden’s masks, your food is free of charge.” Reina winked before handing you your orders. “This is the least we could do for the person behind the festival.”

For the first time, you bore witness to Thoma with his face flushing at their words. Dear Archons. You didn’t know it would bring you such relief to know this man was actually capable of becoming embarrassed.

“You lot give me too much credit,” he sighed, nibbling on a stick of dango. “I’m only doing as I’m told, you know.”

“And we’re just thanking you for your hard work,” Sanden chuckled, patting him on the shoulder. “Well, go on! Find a comfortable spot to eat with your date. Miss Yoimiya’s fireworks show is about to start soon.”

You nearly choked. “I’m not his—”

“We’ll go ahead and do that then~”

Two times. This man just interrupted you two times today. You were sure to make him pay for it later, but for now, you were going to go along with his whims and eat. You’re starved.

In spite of how crowded the island has gotten, you and Thoma managed to secure a table near the venue’s edge. The indistinct noise and chatter from the visitors were still present, but this far off, you could at least consume your dinner(?) in peace.

“So how are you liking the Thoma Festival Experience so far?”

Swallowing a mouthful of onigiri, you blanched at him. “Did you just call this the Thoma Festival?”

He shrugged, poking holes into his takoyaki. “It’s just like everyone said. I was in charge of organizing the whole thing, so it’s only proper to call it as such.”

“...You’re despicable! And everyone gave you all this stuff for free, too.”

Thoma merely responded with an infuriating laugh, which you decided to tune out as you observed your surroundings. 

You didn’t know if it was just you but…Amakane Island looked a bit more lively as opposed to the previous times you’d decided to drop by a festival. Despite the fact that spring was still a few months away, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. Their petals wafted around gracefully, like they knew exactly how to set up the perfect atmosphere alongside the bright glow of the lanterns. 

And then, there were the people.

Before your unfortunate ‘capture’ at the Kamisato estate, you used to avoid ordinary citizens like the plague. Even if the actual plague that had infected you a few years ago had long gone, you still felt…dirty. Unworthy to bask in their company for too long.

Hell, you killed people for a living. If all these visitors knew who you were and what you did, you were almost too certain they’d run you out of town with torches and pitchforks. That’s why you always preferred to work in the shadows. 

It was easier that way. 

“Hey, you feeling alright, Miss Kira? You look like you’re attending a funeral.”

Glancing up from your plateful of street food, you met Thoma’s viridian gaze. He was gazing at you curiously as he suckled on a dango stick, which made you scoff in disgust. But when a few sakura petals landed between his hair and his headband…

“What are you…?”

You leaned forward, bracing one hand on the wooden table as you brushed the petals away—caressing some tufts of his golden hair in the process. Thoma simply stared in stunned stupor as you took your seat again. But before you could even tease him for his sudden silence, your eyes landed on someone else.

It was Ayaka. Looking even more distressed than she did earlier today. She and the rest of her guards were hastily making their way down the hill, with the Commissioner, Ayato in tow.

“Milady!” Thoma called out, probably having followed your line of sight. “Anything wrong?”

Stopping in her tracks, Ayaka turned to Thoma with a tired smile. “Something just came up at the Tenshukaku again. Hold the fort while we’re gone?” 

“...Alright. You can count on us.”

You shot him a look. “Us?” 

“Thank you,” Ayaka sighed—the relief in her voice evident to a fault.

Before their retinue could make a swift exit though, you managed to meet Ayato’s gaze in the heat of it all. Those startling blue eyes, almost silver in the moonlight, were the same yet so different from Ayaka’s. In spite of having lived with him for about a month now, you still had a hard time telling apart his expressions. 

You couldn’t tell what he’d been thinking at that moment, but it was clear that the Commissioner still didn’t trust you. Not one bit.

And it was awfully smart of him not to, really.

“Gods, I wish those two would catch a break soon.”

In front of you, Thoma had already finished his Amakane special and was resting his head against the palm of his hand—sighing almost wistfully. You couldn’t help but agree.

“Did you know that Aya—ah, milady collapsed on her way to her room earlier?” you asked.

Obviously, Thoma did not know about this.

“What?” he spoke sharply. “You didn’t do anything underhanded, did you?” 

You crossed your arms. “She’s obviously well enough to stress about the Tenshukaku meetings again, isn’t she? I’m a criminal but I still have some tact.” 

Just as quickly as it came, the alarm on his face melted back into a warm smile. Warm enough to make you feel uncomfortable.

“It’s just as I suspected. I successfully house-trained Inazuma City’s most notorious assassin.”

You flung a ball of takoyaki at his face.

The rest of the night went by in a flash. 

Just like with everything else he does, Thoma had a knack for festival games. This one booth held contests for which person could successfully catch the most goldfish in under one minute. Which was no easy feat, given that the nets were made out of flimsy parchment paper instead of, well, actual nets. 

You were already struggling with catching one goldfish, yet Thoma managed to fling at least ten into the damn basket. 

“That’s Master Thoma for you,” hollered the game master, handing Thoma the prize for his seemingly unbeatable record: a handmade bake-danuki plush. “You can try your luck next time, newbie!”

You grumbled something about rigged festival games and biased judgement.

“Aww, no need to look so down in the dumps,” Thoma chuckled as the two of you strolled up the path—manipulating the bake-danuki’s little plush arms in an attempt to cheer you up. “Mister Danuki will be sad if you continue sulking.”

“Tell Mister Danuki to mind his own business,” you growled. 

The chief retainer gasped, placing Mister Danuki’s hand above its chest in mock offense. “That’s a bit impolite even for you, Miss Kira… Oh?”

Glancing at whatever caught Thoma’s attention this time, you feast your eyes upon a lone wooden board with colorful charms strung together on display. The chief retainer slowly made his way closer, and in spite of yourself, you followed suit. 

For a moment, he was quiet—green eyes scanning the dreams and wishes the visitors wished to take up to the gods. You didn’t quite understand the prospect of using these charms, in all honesty. From all the news of the Vision Hunt going around, you weren’t sure if the Raiden Shogun was in the mood to grant anyone’s wishes. 

Yet Thoma was staring at them like they were the most important things in the world.

“Did you know that milady has never been to a festival?”

You were visibly confused. “What? She was just here a moment ago.”

The smile that tugged on his lips had a hint of sadness in them—an emotion that you never would have associated with Thoma until now. His gloved hand inspected the charms with great care, like he was afraid they would break.

“Well, she’s always in attendance, that’s true. It’s expected of her as the Lady of the Kamisato house,” Thoma explained. “But in spite of all the talk of business, the occasional fan dances she beholds to the people of Inazuma… She’s never been to a festival, the way the two of us have.”

You contemplated his words for a moment, realizing that the moment you had arrived, Ayaka immediately thought about discussing business with her brother instead of enjoying herself. 

“Do you…” you began, clearing your throat uneasily, “want to make a wish, then? With a charm?”

Thoma turned to you with a puzzled look, blinking once, twice, before bursting out laughing.

“I didn’t take you to be the type to believe in such superstition, Miss Kira,” he snorted. 

Your cheeks heated up. “I-I do not! It just seems to me like you’re the one who’s into this sort of thing… I’m not always an asshole, you know?”

His laughter stops—expression morphing into something calmer. More sincere. Thoma raised a hand and you were instinctively on alert for any tricks he might pull, but all the chief retainer did was brush away the flower petals that got caught in your hair. The same way you did with him earlier tonight.

“I know.”

You didn’t know where you should look. For some reason, his emerald eyes smoldered too much for comfort, and you hadn’t the slightest clue what to reply. But it’s as if the gods had heard your internal cry for help when Thoma finally snapped out of it.

The endearing look in his gaze vanished in a flash, replaced by something similar to panic.

“Move. Quick.” 

He seized your hand in his, pulling you along as he led you to the shore. You were about to protest his sudden gesture, but when you glanced behind you, you spotted a couple of uniformed soldiers emerging from the entrance. 

Soldiers from the Tenryou Commission. 

“You know you don’t have to act like I’m a rebel from Sangonomiya when we’re alone, right?” you huffed, minding your step as Thoma led you further down. “I’ve been pretty…chill with the Tenryou Commission for the past few years.”

Thoma laughed breathlessly as the two of you made it underneath the jutting cliff of Amakane Island—far from the festival, far from the noise.

“It’s better to be safe than sorry,” he reminded, taking a seat on a mossy patch of rock. You sat down next to him with your heart beating erratically in your ribcage.

He still hadn’t let go of your hand. 

“And besides, the fireworks show is about to start.”

“The wha—”

The sound of ballistas going off above you nearly scared you out of your wits, until you realized that the source of the noise weren’t ballistas at all. Fireworks of all shapes and colors shot up to the sky at breakneck speed before blooming beautifully into the night. You tilted your head further for a better view—mouth hanging loose as you marveled at the display before you.

That was strange. This wasn’t the first time you’ve watched the fireworks, yet… 

Even if the show was still underway, you managed to peel your eyes from the sight. Instead, you affixed your stare on where your hand was pressed against Thoma’s on the cold, mossy rock. You dared to rake your eyes upward.

Unlike you, Thoma had been fully engrossed with the fireworks. A childlike grin played on his lips as the colors flashed before his green, green eyes. But in spite of the bright hues that reflected on his face every few seconds, you couldn’t help but train your gaze on the plump swell of his lips instead.

There it was again. The odd stutter in your heart.

Though the fireworks show lasted for no longer than five minutes, it felt like those few moments had been unspooled from a seemingly endless eternity. You knew better than to cling to a memory as insignificant as this one but…

The warmth of Thoma’s fingers on top of yours. His silly bake-danuki plush sitting comfortably on his lap. The golden accents of his kitsune mask glittering in the night. And the smile he flashed you when he finally caught you staring—

You burned it all in the back of your head, hoping that even if the fireworks lasted mere seconds, the time you spent with him would stretch across lifetimes.

“Yoimiya outdid herself again this time.” He sighed once the show had come to an end, rising back to his feet as he untangled his fingers from yours. You couldn’t help the prickle of disappointment in your chest. “Well, what do you think?” 

You ignored his question. “Thoma, why are you so nice to me?”

His smile fell. You pressed on. 

“I take it that you’re nice to anyone and everyone you meet but… I’m not just some random girl from the city you decided to take here on a whim,” you elaborated, feeling your throat close up with every word. “I’m a murderer. Someone that’s been hired to kill Lady Ayaka of the Kamisato clan. Yet you’re…doing all this? What’s the point?”

With one hand holding Mister Danuki, Thoma reached up to touch his pendant with the other. It seemed like an unconscious action, but you elected not to ask.

“I’m sure you know I’m not from around these parts, yeah?” he remarked. “I’m an outlander. Born and raised somewhere else, until I found my sorry ass washed up on the shores of Ritou.”

You arched an eyebrow. “I figured as much.”

Thoma chuckled. “That makes things easier to explain then.”

“Even before the Sakoku Decree, the Kanjou Commission didn’t take kindly to foreigners. I had nothing but the clothes on my back and the dog tags I’m wearing now. To survive, I had to steal just so I could eat. In short, I was a criminal for quite a while, too.”

“How does this correlate to you taking it easy on an assassin?” you wondered.

“I’m getting there, hold on.” The blond laughed, sitting next to you once again. “I lived like that for a few weeks but then…milady’s parents found me. Her mother is very kind. Even if I didn’t know how to speak the language, she didn’t send me to jail when she caught me nabbing her purse. Next thing I knew, I’d been adopted into the family.”

“Long story short, I know what it feels like to be alone. That kind of loneliness drives us to do all sorts of unimaginable things,” he murmured quietly. “But that doesn’t have to be the end of the line. The late Lady Kamisato showed me as much. And even if Lord Ayato practically threatened to have me executed if I ended up being wrong about you, I still insisted.” 

You were silent for about three heartbeats before—

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

The sand began to trickle into your sandals with how heavy your strides fell across the ground. Thoma was hot on your heels as you ditched him, but it wasn’t like you’d been walking fast enough to evade him.

You were just…pissed. Beyond belief. 

You reminded him of himself because he used to be a fugitive, too? That’s rich. As if someone loved by the people of Inazuma knew a fraction of what you went through. As if a person who never had to taint their hands with blood could understand.

“Hey!” Thoma called out, seizing your wrist in an iron-tight grip. “You’re still prohibited from wandering around unsupervised, Miss Kira.”

“I’m still going to do it, you know.”

You’d uttered the words so quietly, he barely caught what you were saying. But the chief retainer wasn’t an idiot. He knew what you’d been pertaining to right away. 

“Why?”

“Because I was paid to do it,” you said, which wasn’t exactly true. You will be paid was the more accurate wording, but you needed to stand your ground right now. 

Thoma nodded slowly. “Okay, but why?” 

“What are you getting at?”

“I mean, why would you do that to milady, who hasn’t given you a single reason for you to kill her?” he wondered, sounding genuinely curious. “I’d understand if she was some ruthless tyrant that’s out to seize all the Visions in Inazuma, but we both know that’s far from the case.”

You stared at him incredulously. “...Because that’s what I was paid to do?” 

“Hm? So if I gave you six-hundred mora right now to do a little dance for me, you’d do it?”

“Fuck you.”

In spite of it all, Thoma laughed. Laughed right in your face as he used Mister Danuki to wipe the tears from his eyes. 

“Archons, you have such an unreasonably foul mouth, you know that?” the chief retainer pointed out with a grin. “You’re angry because you think I’m taking pity on you. Is that it?”

You tried to pull your arm free, but he refused to budge. “That’s none of your business.”

“Oh, but it is,” Thoma insisted, pulling you closer until your faces were mere inches away. “As my personal captive, it’s exactly my business to gauge your emotional constitution. I can’t exactly change your mind about taking milady’s life if I’m riling you up every other minute, yeah?”

“But isn’t that what you’re doing right now?” you bit back, ignoring the way his breath fanned your face. “That’s what you’ve been doing since you held me prisoner at the estate, you dumb guard dog.”

He chuckled breathily and you felt the reverberations in what little distance sat between you. This close, you could see just how much more green his eyes could get—entrapping you in a swirl of jade and viridian, until you’ve completely forgotten what you’d been arguing about in the first place. 

You most certainly didn’t miss it when those eyes of his flickered to your lips.

“That, I have…” he admitted quietly. “You can even say I’ve taken quite the liking to you, dear Miss Kira.”

Before you could even hope to ask him to clarify, Thoma was already peeling himself away—taking both the warmth of his touch and the smolder in his eyes. The chief retainer was on his merry way, walking back to the festival without a stutter to his step. You replayed his words over and over in a span of ten seconds before:

“What do you mean by that?”

He stopped in his tracks, loose ponytail swaying as he abruptly turned around to meet your eyes. Thoma was silent for only a moment before giving you his reply.

“It means what you want it to mean.” He smiled. “Come on. I’m sure the folks from the Tenryou Commission have long left. We still have a festival to clean up after.”

“We?” 

Thoma gave no further response. Your eye twitched. 

But you found yourself trailing after him anyway.

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© cryoculus | kaientai ✧ all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my work on other platforms.

[bloogers-boogers]

So I've been getting into the sp fandom lately and let me tell u it's a must for me to do a one-shot.. It's gonna be a good attempt

One-shot SP

/CURSE/

(Kinda shipping? (Kyle/Cartman) Kinda trying to replicate the imagination land scene where Kyle dies an other various scenes, Cartman(important for the plot),Cartman and Kenny lore,some Stan against, and death of a main character. Kenny plays a role, also y'know death and resurrection that's he's thing.. right?)

It a pretty damn long One-shot.

It's been a common day in the little mountain town of Colorado called south park, Randy had arranged a parade/party at one of the most popular places in town 'DikinBaus' because of some festive weed special (trying to make it seem out of the ordinary weed when it comes to the same shit with a diffrent label) that Stan Marsh and his three other friends would care less about, well, atleast one. Eric Cartman.

Yes, the little evil master mind of south park.

Bitch was angry and quite bitter about the fact that his old home was no longer his, after being part of creating it's popularity. Though he did deserve it and his jewish friend made it know.

"I don't know why you're so pissed off, Cartman, you we're asking for it when you took advantage of Butters hard work," The latter roll his eyes.

"Whatever, it's Butters," He stated, as if it were obvious.

"Dude, just be grateful you got your old house back," Stan tune in, his tone was a little bit frustrated then it should've, luckily his fat friend payed not much attention to it. He wished he could move back, be close to his friends, have his old life back. But his father was farther than an idiot to just let go of his marijuana dream.

"How am I gonna be grateful about losing my DikinBaus!?," He exclaimed angry. Kenny, their blonde friend snorted, "shut up Kinny!."

"C'mon man, it's not a big deal," He patted the bigger boy's shoulder in hopes he'll just moved on from the subject. But ofcourse, he didn't.

"No! I can't leave it like this with out a fight!, I work hard for that shitty place to reopen, it's not fair!," He clenched he's fist, glaring at the nothing.

Both three boys just looked at each other, in a mutual agreement of not getting involved.

Later that day, Stan was forced to partake in the event host by his father, ofcourse not before arguing and complaining about it being just another waste of the income they made, for then later on his father to complain about how they had no money for more resources. Repeat all the time. Stan just hold the bridge of his nose outta frustration.

No boy his age should be this stress out for his parents doings, in this scenario, his dad.

"Hey Stan, check this out!," Exclaimed excited, Randy. The boy followed him, as he has no other choice but to listen.

"What the fuck is that," Stan questioned a little horrified, confused? He couldn't tell, cause he actually gave two shits. But this looked outta the ordinary of the ordinary. If that even makes sense.

There was a seagull looking mutation with what it seems like a rats feet. For a second there he was worried his father accidentally caught man bear pig's kid.

"It's the Tergrity farms mascot!," He exclaimed even more excited taking out a board outta nowhere, explaining his new strategy.

Oh. So that's that.

"Yeah, bye," said lastly, in a flat tone, no longer caring about the rest before returning outside.

Stan was not gonna get involved, no matter how bizarre and crazy his dad's Karen episodes get, he told himself for the millionth time that same day. He was NOT getting involved.

[...]

"For fuck sake dad! What did you do!?," He shouted confused by the change of event, being tied in a chair was far from the plans he had for this evening.

"Uh.. well, let's say it a TEGRITY strategy," Randy smiled commercially, clearly seems nervous. Clearly fucked up. The latter frowned from that response.

Stan sighed, "okay. What did you do," he asked again, finally had calm himself and processed the situation he's in. No pizza night at Tolkien's tonight he said to himself.

"Well, remember my mascot?,"

He nodded, ofcourse he did, it all happened today.

"Well turns out he's like, related to chutulu."

Stan wanted to grip his nose outta frustration again, so bad, after hearing that, "what?," he asked again. As he couldn't believe that thing was related to.. unfuckin' believable. Actually it was definitely believable.

"Yeah, I don't know how'd it happened but he found out and wanted to massacre me and my farm, can you believe that! I even offered some of my weed," said exhausted while having a pout face as a child being scolded.

"Okay, so how the hell did we end up being tied up?."

"Stan, there's a bunch of cult members in south park," he stated obviously while he rolled his eyes by being questioned this much. But he still bother to answer, "those motherfuckers knew chutulu wanted us so they found us, knocked us and tied us up, as their way of worship. We're pretty much a sacrifice."

"But why me!?," he stated bitterly as he was NOT trying to get involved today.

"Because you are, Stan! I told you about my strategy did I!?."

"I left!?."

They bicker a bit more before Stan decided to speak out for a solution.

"Look, I think, I have a plan. You know Cartman?."

"Your fat friend? What about him?."

"Well, he manipulated chutulu to join he's superheroe team awhile ago. Thing is, if we get Cartman, maybe he can help us."

"Isn't he like, a dick?."

"It's complicated. Let's just find a way outta of these ropes."

"Easy." Randy picked out of his pocket shirt with his mouth some weed and light it up with his feet and a lighter he had in his pants. And burned the ropes. He then untied him.

"You could've done that all this time!?," exclaimed baffled by his father's stupidity once again.

"No time Stan!," he said while he ran into the depths of the woods with the boy following behind.

Yes, they were in the woods. Let's move on.

[...]

Kenny found himself running like a mad man, he did not mean to provoke the dark lord, but he did. He just wanted answers about his curse! Was that too much to ask?

But here he was, regretting kicking one of those big claws of him after being bluntly ignored by chutulu, it seems it was looking for something. He assumed it was Cartman as he couldn't link the others with it. That fat fuck. What did he do!?

He couldn't bare die today as he was not aware how far chutulu would detroy the town by tomorrow. He needs to know why it's here, and ofcourse, his curse! Cause it seemed no one cares besides himself! Fuck!

He dodge one of chutulu lasers that ended destroying a car near by.

He hid in one of the markets from town, as if that's gonna make a difference. Then he saw him. That fat fucker! He was with Kyle and Butters in the meat section. Both seemed to be arguing about something while the blonde hold a riffle nervously watching the two, he'd care less right now about whatever those two were arguing about.

"You son of a bitch!," He slammed cartman into one of the freezer, Cartman looked at him with opened feared eyes, "what did you do!?."

"K-kinny..!?."

"Woah, dude, calm down," said, Kyle, "what's going on?."

" 'What's going on?'," he responded incredulous, "chutulu's out there destroying the town and killing countless souls! That's what going on!."

"Oh," Butters said not being so stoked about it.

"Yeah, we kinda know that, asshole," the brunette said casually loosing his grip.

"Eric thinks that chutulu may be here because of a mission," Butters explained.

"Oh really," the blonde said sarcastically eyeing him, "Cartman why the fuck did you summon chutulu here!? Do you know all the damage you've done."

"Excuse me? I didn't do shit, kinny!," Cartman exclaimed offended, by being accused so surely.

Yeah, he has committed various, and I mean, VARIOUS crimes, but he did NOT do this. Though he must admit to himself that this turn of events could be convenient for him to destroy DikinBaus. As no one in this stupid town does not deserve such a wonderful magnificent place. That HE made. And as such rightly deserves it and rightly could destroy it if he wanted to, right?

"Like I'm gonna believe whatever shit comes from your mouth, fatso," Kenny stated.

"It's true." Kyle spoke up, "what Cartman said.. look, I've been following this asshole since he said he was gonna try to do something about that dumb hotdog place, so, I followed him around-"

"Like and stalker," bluntly added Cartman.

"And-" Kyle continued, ignoring cartman's comment before frowning, "the only thing he's done is shit on Butter's porch and purchasing 200 hotdogs in hopes DikinBaus will run out and shut down. Which is the most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed–"

"Oh c'mon, Kyel it was brilliant!," Cartman defended his stupidity, "it's easy an effective! I buy all the hotdogs, open my own stand and start a business," finalizing while crossing his arms. Kyle look at him angrily.

Nobody will question where he got the money to pay for all those hotdogs. Most likely in a fraudulent way. Whatever it doesn't matter.

"You ate all the hot dogs, fatass!!."

Cartman frown finding a better comeback, "well..! Atleast I have hot dogs!."

"What?," Kyle responded simply with one eyebrow upward.

"Tsch, whatever. I have a new better plan that I won't be sharing to either of you assholes."

Kenny, snapped. He had enough of this bullshit.

"Guys! Chutulu!?."

"Oh yeah, yeah," Cartman had his arms up. A freaked Kenny is a scary Kenny, "uh, what about him?," he added.

"Really?," he asked again incredulously, not waiting for an answer he continued, "something or someone must have summon the dark lord. We need to find a solution to get him out."

"Dude, that's chutulu. Even if we wanted to do something what can we do about it?," Kyle added skeptical.

"Yeah, it's not like this shitty town deserves to be saved anyways," Butters stated, still a little bitter about having to spend community service cleaning the mess the towns people made just cause he was seen as a sex offender for pinching a girl who he thought had no green on San Patrick's day!

"Well. Cartman?," Kenny asked staring deeply into Cartman's eyes. For some odd reason he felt a connection with the boy. As if his eyes had a glint of something.. he just couldn't recall what it was.

"How would I know?," Cartman asked confused, and kinda annoyed that he hasn't even started his plan B because of an overdramatic Kenny.

"You manipulated chutulu you fat fuck! Do it again," He exclaimed frustrated of the whole thing now looking at the other boys. He's finding all of these unnecessary scenarios being unfold overwhelming. Nobody seems to care, nobody seems to care about chutulu destroying south park, maybe he doesn't care!?

He sigh. Maybe he really doesn't. Maybe all this is an excuse to find out about his curse shield with the idea of being heroic. Screw that. He cared! This town may be fucked up but it was his home! Our home! They must care!

"Okay, I got a plan," Kenny stated finally after a brief silence.

[...]

Cartman found himself frowning angrily standing in the middle of the street, in a kitty costume. He would've rather just picked his coon costume but Kenny stated it'd be more effective and he was definitely trying to mess with him once again, cause he found it hilarious.

Stupid kinny.

The other three boys were hiding behind a dunked car near by him. Not like it'd make a difference. Always put Cartman in the more risky messy situations! Ofcourse he was convinced with a reward if things goes well, not because he's scared of Kenny and he was being a pussy! It was the reward he was promised of!

He heard Kenny snicker a bit, stupid kinny. He finds this amusing didn't he!? Asshole.

He then was faced with the giant dark lord with each step the ground rumble and the buildings breaking and weakening by him.

He gulped. He's done this before, he can do it again. Why is he nervous this time?

Both pair of eyes met. Time for action.

"Miaw Miaw! If it isn't one of my best pals! Miaw miaw!," he then climbed in one of chutulu's feet to his head. My gawd he deserves a reward for this acting. He then pursued on scratching the lord's head as he enjoyed the sensation of the fake claws on his skull, "who's my precious chutulu?," he then added a purr distracting the giant.

The three boys started preparing the trap they had made while upon seeing cartman's manipulation was once again, working. That fucking fatass.

Kyle was trying to knot the rope to one of the polls light but end up falling backwards in the sight of chutulu, who immediately put it's attention on the redhead. Great, just fucking wonderful.

Chutulu immediately turned his attention to Kyle and growled once knowing damn well this was set up.

"Dammit jew!," Cartman shouted making it more obvious that this in fact was, indeed a setup.

'Twack!'

Chutulu looked behind him as he had felt a tiny rock hit his tail.

"Stan?," Kyle said confused. Once Stan and his dad we're visible with some hunting gear on and some guns in there hands.

This was not going as plan. And once again Kenny sigh frustrated. He wasn't sure if the new pair of characters were a good thing or not. He's gonna let it slide this time.

Randy slowly approached chutulu leaving behind Stan, who just cautiously watched.

He then took out a weird mutant goose rat thing from behind his right arm.

Chutulu raised a brow. If that's even possible, but it was. Ofcourse it was.

Chutulu looked down as the mutant thingy went to his side rubbing himself against it's feet. It was heartwarming if it weren't for the situation they were put for and who it was. Then Chutulu did the imaginable, he squashed it.

Stan and Randy looked stoked.

"Well that does it," said Randy.

Both Marshes mouth agape, still looking at chutulu and now dead corpse.

And in splits seconds Kenny put himself in front of the two, standing in front of chutulu embracing his blonde hair exposing his face, he had taken his parka off. Glaring at the monster above. He have had enough.

"What am I?," he asked once more, "answer me now!."

"What's with this one?," Randy side eyed Stan, as he shrugged in response. Confused also.

Chutulu ignored him and approached Randy. Which jolted a bit nervous as he did not figure out what he did to anger the creature. If it wasn't his mascot than what?

He lowered his face to the man and quickly head bunked him to the side, hitting his body through a store window breaking into pieces.

"Dad!!," Exclaimed Stan, rushing in hurry to his father's aid. Noneless a idiot but still his idiot.

"Ow! I'm okay Stan.." the injured man reassured.

In a blink of an eyes the military had showed up and started attacking chutulu, bullets in and out angering the creature, he had put himself on it's feet again trying to block the bullets and attacking the attakers, Cartman still on the dark lord's head completely taken off guard as he was distracted with the dialog was then shot in the back 'ow!' falling off chutulu's head straight to the ground. He had broked his limbs and neck during impact. This anger chutulu even more, as for him kitty Cartman was like a pet.

Kyle and his other two friends had witnessed it. As he shouted, "¡Cartman!," he ran towards him caring less of the chaos around him.

"Fuck, he killed Cartman!," Kenny exclaimed as he approached the now what appears dead boy.

'There's no way'.

"Holy fuck!," said Stan from a far, he was still on his father's side but had witnessed it aswell.

Kyle was next to him analyzing the boy's wounds as he couldn't believe it.

"He's dead.." says Butters while having his mouth slightly agape standing next to Kenny watching the now corpse.

"You bastard.." whispered Kenny, he was staring at his so called best friend, lifeless eyes. It was definitely an odd sight.

"He can't be dead.." Kyle reassured griping into the boy's costume, "he just can't," he frowned.

Stan had already approached the scene as his father seem to had been well standing up not as injured.. or in this scenario dead.

He was also as stoked as the two other boys that were just standing there watching there fat friend laying there. Kyle was the only one on the ground gripping on to Cartman as if he didn't want to let go.

Kyle stared at him for a bit longer than he expected, his body had lost color, his half lidded lifeless eyes staring at him and his hands were cold.. this can't be happening. Cartman can't die. That's not possible!

Kyle with both his fist hit his friend's chest as hard as possible, anger. So much anger!

"Cartman! Can't! Die!," hitting him more times with no intention, it just felt right.

"Woah, dude," Stan put a hand on his best friend's shoulder trying to calm him down he's never seen his friend act this way. And to be honest he never expected to see Cartman this way either. Lifeless.

Kyle smacked Stan's hand off him still in disbelief.

"¡Cartman! Cartman!," he shouted almost in a cry, desperation in his voice," you fat fuck! Wake up!," he again hit as many times as he could, in the dead one's chest.

"Dude, Kyle.. he's gone," Stan said in the most pity voice. As if he could feel what Kyle felt.

"No he's bullshittin' he's fucking bullshitting, Stan!," He said almost as he's trying to believe it himself, he felt himself shake, his eyes felt watery.

A big thump caught their attention leaving the other boy kneeled to the other not leaving his side. He could now care less about that fucking dark lord and this stupid chaotic town!

"You fat fuck...!" he whispered more to himself as he closed his eyes and clenched his fist.

He may hate Cartman, and may have countless times told him that's he's better off being dead. But he really didn't mean it. If Randy can be alive, if Garrison can be alive, if man bear pig can be alive.. then why can't him? It's only fair. Two of those people he mentioned are assholes in there own fucked up way, but have done countless crimes and gotten away of being a dick atleast man bear pig is a wild satanic creature it makes sense if he kills thousands of lives. But those two other bastards are here! Free, alive.. So can Cartman!

"Cartman..?," he said choked as he felt steaming tears fall down his cheeks as he watched his fat friend laying down breathless, no bicker response. No insults. Nothing but flat silence from his part. His death even seems painful, not the typical peaceful dead look, just plain painful.

[...]

As the day ended things went back to normal as per usual, well almost.

Kenny never thought he'd find himself sitting in a funeral of one of his best friends. It was always the way around. For some reason it felt wrong. That he was supposed to be in that box and not his friend.

His mother crying on the side of the casket while some of the south park parents tried to comfort her, but failed. As she was never that close to them anyways. Besides, deep inside she knew no one would fully understand what she feels as she knows her son wasn't the best of person's. And that probably there were people from this town who'd want this or asked for this. But she? She saw the evil in him and had gotten tired of his stupid schemes but that was still her little boy and she will always be his mother. And that won't ever change, so the pain will always remain there. And everyone else was an hypocrite in her eyes.

The four boys remain silent, listening to the ceremony behold them. Yes four boys, as for now that Cartman would no longer partake in their group they added Butters in his place.

"So, do I like have to act like an asshole now?," Butters asked grabbing their attention.

"Uh no?," Stan answered.

"Well if I'm gonna take Eric's place I think I should like try to act like him, like when you guys once choose Clyde because he was the second fat boy of our class..?"

"No Butters, you don't have to act like Cartman," Stan stated now a little annoyed, this wasn't the place or time to discuss something like this when their friend hasn't still been buried. It kinda stings.. this feels fresh. It is fresh. Who knew this fat fuck would affect him?

"Are you sure?."

"For fuck sake Butters, shut up!," Kyle exclaimed angrily, receiving a couple of odd stares from some of the other people there. He cared less to be honest. He clenched his fist as he wanted so bad to punch his face and beat him up. As he'd normally just do with Cartman. Cartman..

Cartman, Cartman, Cartman..

He looked down to his feet avoiding his friends gaze.

[...]

Two days have pass, and honestly this Butters thing just wasn't working. Stan wondered if he truly would prefer having Cartman back than having to witness a whimp like Butters attempt to be a douchebag loser. Don't get him wrong, Butters can be a douchbag but he can't get into Cartman's level. Even if he tries to be. Maybe that's what Butters doing wrong? He's attempting to be someone he's not when he can easily be himself as a douche. But still, not Cartman.

For much of Stan's surprise, south park still hasn't changed a bit after his friend's passing. It's still chaotic, and bizarre. And as hard to admit it even feels longer and even torturous. New characters appear here and there, some were dicks, others were plain awful, some just bland boring ass people. He couldn't believe it, he's actually starting to miss him, as these other characters just feel forced to continue continuity when it's just full filling!

It's just two days. Two fucking days. He's been longer than that with out seeing his fat friend and he's okay with it, even thankful, and yet knowing he won't ever be seeing him because he's dead just changes things.

Let's not even talk about Kyle. Out of the the three. Yes, he's not counting Butters. Fuck Butters!

Kyle has been the most affected. Ofcourse he also has to witness the cringey attempts of their idiotic blonde friend, trying to become his new "arch-rival" as that comes in the packaging of being Eric Cartman. Including being a selfish, manipulative piece of shit. Anyways, point is, to be Eric Cartman you must also hate Kyle Brofloski. And Butters just doesn't have it in him to fully hate on someone or just give him the time of day Cartman would normally do daily, actually obsessively to Kyle.

So here he was, on one of the seats of the school buss behind Kenny and Butters, hearing Butters trying to bicker Kyle. It really feels surreal.

"So, Kayl."

"It's 'Kahl', if you're trying to mimic Cartman atleast do it right," he responded back with an added eye roll at the end.

"Well, geezz.. I mean Ay! Shut up you dumb jew! I'll do and say what I want, whenever I want!."

Well, now that's actually better. Stan actually had to repressed a laugh cause he actually found that funny.

"Wow, Butts you're getting better," complimented Kenny.

Butters beamed and stared at Kyle, who silently watch another kid entering the bus. He really did not bothered putting his attention on the blonde.

"C'mon Kyle, you must admit that was pretty good," He tune in, trying to get Kyle to loosen up.

"Yeah.. I suppose," Kyle then looked up at Butters while the other just looked back nervously. Kyle sigh, "can you fight?" he then added with a glint of mischief while the other two boys stared at Kyle, confused for the sudden change in demeanor. Butters looked a little uncertain on what to answer.

As he should, this is Kyle we're talking about.

"O-ofcourse I do!," In fact, Butters does know how to fight, just not Kyle, never Kyle.

"Great, meet me up after school in the playground," said finalized while standing up to get off the bus.

"Ah geez.." Stan heard Butters whispered before getting off the bus to join his friend.

He didn't know what Kyle had planned, but he sure wants to find out.

[...]

"Oh geez! I don't think I can be Cartman no more!," exclaimed Butters with a couple of bruises in his face, tired, "Kyle was beating me up like a butcher to its meat selection!."

"Well that is Cartman's job to deal with y'know," Stan added. He figured this must be a way for Kyle to get rid of Butters. So he followed along.

"Yeah dude, if you're gonna be Cartman. You must know that you have to become Kyle's personal punching bag," Kenny tune in, actually enjoying the laugh. He knew we were all messing with him. Cause in fact, it seems Stan was not the only one bothered by Scotch.

"Oh Jesus!."

"Man, actually I do believe you can become Cartman, even better. As you seem to be more capable of taking Kyle's moods," yeah, we can be assholes sometimes. Stan smiled a bit.

"Oh boy.." he was not liking what he was hearing. Before adding anything further Kyle approached the group, tuning in with a happy humming.

"Hey there guys," he then glared at Butters, "Butters."

"AHHHHHH!!!," He scream while dashing out of there before adding, "Screw you guys I'm going home!."

"Well, that does it," Kyle shrugged.

"Guess no one can deal with you more than a day," Kenny added.

"I guess so."

"So now what?," Stan questioned. Everything just went silent.

Normally Cartman would suggest some stupid shit, we'd shit on first before following through with it. But even the substitute bailed on us, so we must figure it out on our own.

"Board games..?," Ken then added.

"Nah, done that yesterday," Kyle replied, tapping his foot on the ground, kinda impatient, kinda bored.

"What about basketball," Stan suggested. Once again the three boys remain silent. The wind whistling in their ears as they thought harder and the space between them felt thicker as they become smaller. And smaller, and smaller..

"Who wants to try summoning Cartman with a ouija?," Kenny added plainly, while pursuing on leaving the area to his place, with the certainly the others would followed.

In fact, not only did they follow, they were eager for it.

[...]

-In Hell-

"Dammit! no barbecue at sight in the most hottest place between three worlds!," Cartman exclaimed baffled.

He's been a hell citizen for two days now, and it has sucked. He isn't even allowed to go in the cool clubs cause he was a minor and would be forever be one for eternity! He did enjoy the public torture that was embrace there but besides that, nothing too outta the ordinary he could see up in south park.

He sigh, not knowing what to do, with out his friends to annoy, death feels empty. Boring as fuck! He wants to get outta here!

When he approached a counter were there were two men talking about some country song while drinking martinis, he decided to sit next to them. They immediately stayed quiet as his presence disturb them. 'Dumb bitches' he thought.

"So... how can we get out?," he asked.

"Excuse me?,"

"Yeah, like how do we get out from hell."

"Oh, why the hell do you want to get out?."

"Because it's boring as fuck, i want to live!."

"Well, he is young, George," one of the men side eyed his companion. The other nodded in agreement.

"Well there's no way, young boy," one of the men answered, I'll call him number two. Pftt, number two, get it? Hahaha! He repressed a laugh and continued trying to get more information outta the two grown men.

"Okay, but like there must be atleast someone who COULD know a way outta here, right?," he digged.

"Hmm.." number one begin thinking, pftt.. number one, "actually I believe there is."

Getting the boy's attention, he leaned forward as if it'd help him hear them any better. They were both drunk as fuck. For what it appears. Their talk was all gibberish, but 'anything to get out of here' he said to himself.

"You should look for the 'dark red soul'."

"The 'dark red soul'..?," he murmured.

"Yup, he lives in the coast side, just follow the direction signs and go to the yellow hotel. And just ask for him, someone must know where exactly he lives at, he's quite a party goat," number two explained chugging the bit of martini he had left.

So that, he did, he followed the directions signs that lead him to hotel 'jak n off' it was yellow, that's all he cared about. This asshole better know how to get out or he'll make sure he'll make himself a new bowl of chili.

[...]

"Oh, looking for red man?."

"Sure? Is that dark red soul?," he asked not very sure if it's the same guy he was told of.

"Yeah, that's his party animal name. Follow me."

'Tch, lame.' But he did follow. This tall freckle man took him to a long dark alleyway, he was feeling skeptical at first but then remembered he couldn't die if he was already dead. It's like respawn. Sigh. He remembered when he first came here, he fell in some spikes down a lava-fall (waterfall) he also remembered how painful it was but how quick he repawn back. So all is new.

The man enter a dark room and turn on the lights.

"Yeesh!!," some rookie exclaimed angrily as he was caught in a very peculiar position with a lady friend. Both naked.

"The fuck man!?," the red head turned his gaze down looking at the chubby boy.

His eyes widen as the latter.

"Dad..?" his mouth slightly agape. He couldn't fucking believe it. Out of all things. Out of all people. It was him.

Back then he would've dreamt of finding his dad, feeling complete and happy. But once he knew about what the town hid from him what HE hid from him, he just became bitter with the idea of ever having a father figure in the picture. He figured it would've weakened him and it was for the best to had never encountered or meet him. Cause he hates feeling weak. Cause he isn't.

They both looked at each other for a long brief silent second.

The other two people that were in the room left them, well more like the other dude stole his companion.

"Uh.. 'dark red soul'..?" he added, uncertain what to say. The boy felt his legs wobble and his lip twitch. While the older man had his left eye twitch instead.

"Yeah.." Jack answered quietly.

They were both put in a very awkward situation.

"..Eric huh?.." He then added when he received no answer. He wasn't use to having someone who didn't listen to him. Noneless a son who doesn't. Scott was always so eager to answer him even with the most smallest things. Man, he really missed his boy.

"You know my name?," the boy answered too quickly than he expected. He cough nervously, "ofcourse you do, I'm Eric Cartman," he boost his ego. More like a cover up of his insecurities at the moment.

Jack lighten up a bit at the comment. Indeed he knew about the trouble maker he was, well the trouble in general, everyone in south park knew. The son of a single crackhead whore mother, a whore he slept with.

"I see you're quite a confident one," he said cheeky before nudging the boy.

Cartman jolted by that action. Skepticism was basically like his middle name. That type of gesture is uncalled for and unnecessarily. And it made him feel uneasy for some reason.

"Yeah..right," he decided to ignore the remark, "okay so.. I heard you know how to get me back to south park?."

"Oh, so that's why you're here?," then he realized that the only reason the boy is presented here was because of the inevitable, he died in the upper world.

Maybe it's his instincts, or just maybe because he's been so lonely. He feels this sudden sickening attachment towards the boy. As messed up as it sounds, considering he did ground him into chilly. But in his defense he didn't know. He didn't know he was his father. Would've that made a difference? That he couldn't know. But that made him soften just a bit. That would keep him fooled just for now.

"Yeah, I want to get back home," Cartman stated, as the tense moment had started to drift off coming to a lighter ambient.

"Oh, well I suppose I could help you with that," he lied. He saw Eric's eyes sparkle a bit, as in hope. It remind them so much like Scott's..

"Sweet!," he exclaimed excited. Finally, this literally hell will be over soon.

[...]

"So you're saying you own that hotel?," Cartman asked. As his father explained most of his living down in hell and his ropes in it.

They headed to a taco stand and Jack gesture him to take a seat in one of the chairs while he order.

"Pretty much. Cool huh?," he responded a little proud of his accomplishments.

"Yeah.. so.. 'jak n off'?," Cartman asked while he saw the waiter place their beverages in the counter.

"Haha yeah.. I thought it'd be funny. No one seems to care," he added with a chuckle, taking a sip of his soda.

"Ha.. I- when I was in the upper world me and my friend kinny started a business reopening a old hot dog restaurant and we named it 'DikinBaus' haha.. just to mess around with people," he admitted, strangely still feeling uneasy and nauseous.

"Ha! 'DiknBaus'? I love it!," Jack laughed a bit whipping a fake tear out of his right eye, "I guess we share a certain humor, Eric."

"Yeah.." he look down at his hands. It felt odd talking to his dad. He wasn't sure if it was good but he knew it wasn't unpleasant.

"So you also have a business?," Jack asked interested. His boy does resemble him in ways he won't deny that, though his slut of a mother's features were surely there, all over his face to be in fact.

Scott never seem interest in taking big steps on trying to climb to the top leagues or have big ideal dreams. He seemed okay with living in the low peaceful life and well, following his favorite bands gushing over there new songs as a fellow follower than a leader.

"Well. Turns out they took it away from me when it became one of the most popular places in town! Can you believe that?," he complained, finally letting loose the awkward tension he felt, to vent his anger and displeasure, "and what's worse is that my mom followed through with it and didn't care that we had a lifetime successful business with a cool looking house!."

"That sounds awful, your mom's a bitch," Jack admitted. He can already tell Eric can have a bright future as a business man if he we're to try harder.

The boy jolted. It anger him when anyone talks bad about his mom, maybe Jack can be an exception being his dad and all?.. but it still pinch his heart and left a sour feeling in the tip of his tongue. Yes, his mom's a bitch, but only he can say it. He really doesn't know how to respond to his dad about it.

"Right.." he then continued sipping his soda, "so, how did you manage to create one of the most popular hotels in hell?," ignoring further his mother's mentioned.

"Well, when I was down here I was very popular among the other people that had also previously died. I stood out in a way."

The food had already been served. And Cartman picked one of the bean tacos and starting munching it, he felt his father's stare on him and he felt conscious of how he was eating 'Do I have something?'.

"Really? What made you so different?," oblivious to the other stares he was getting from the other customers.

"My death," He bluntly admitted, making Cartman almost choke on his food. 'Fuck'

"Oh," he flatly stated.

"Yeah, it was a hit back then. Everyone was talking about it, and people glorified me for it. As they say it was one the most radical deaths they've had ever heard happening," Jack explained, smiling by the memory, he found himself oddly proud of it. As it had benefited him in so much, and honestly he liked the attention on him, "As to expected I was very popular and was given many opportunities, like talk shows and lots and lots of 'money'," said emphasizing the last word.

Cartman stared at him for brief seconds, "money?," hint of greed in his words. Jack smiled by that, and nodded. He sure was his son.

"So.. how did you die?," he finally asked that anxious question he's been wanting to know.

"So like, I was kinda forced to help my annoying friends out to bring back chutulu to the underground, even though I didn't want to and wanted to just use chutulu to destroy 'DikinBaus' as because no one deserves such a wonderful place I made, and I was shot by the military by accident while I was on top of chutulu's head, falling straight to the ground," Cartman answered casually, squeezing some ketchup on his plate mimicking the blood he imagine leaving, sparing the costume details and the manipulation tactic he use too.

"Wow, I guess us Tenenorman just have it in us on dying radically and cool," Jack laughed excited with a fist in the air.

The name used took Cartman off guard. He was a Cartman after all! But it really warmed his heart to be complimented that much and it felt nice, being included for once. So he let it slide just this once.

"Yeah, I guess it is!," He exclaimed more confident and puffed his chest out, proud.

Jack gave him a warm smile and Cartman returned it back.

[...]

Jack had went on asking for some books he claimed as 'solutions' for Cartman's problem, while the boy decided to sit back and rethink his choices of the chilly incident and how different it would've been if they had just told him the truth.

Then, he felt a odd buzzing sound inside of his ear. He started smaking his left side with his palm.

"Cartman!," he.. 'was that Stan?', "Dude can you hear us? Are you there?."

'Holy shit, it is the hippie!'

"Stan?."

"Fatass?," another familiar voice chimed in.

"Aye! I Ain't fat you stupid jew!."

"Holy shit, Cartman dude!," Stan exclaimed a little too excited then he wanted to be. Cartman flinched by the intense noise in his ears, it was bothering him.

"Ow! Aye you damn hippie! Lower your voice will yah! My head hurts just hearing you guys!."

On the other side Kyle couldn't hold a smile. The other boys just laughed by being able to still annoy Cartman even being in a whole different life.

"So how's it going over there, Eric," Kenny asked.

"Yeah, you haven't lost ten thousand pounds over there by not eating junk food all day?," Kyle added, knowing well Cartman would answer back by the remark he leaned forward to the magic ball that was centered in the middle of the ouija.

"In the matter of fact, you dumb jew, I'm eating pretty well," The boy answered with puffed cheek and airs of superiority, "But things are going pretty well, it's boring as fuck though I was trying to find a way outta here," he then added. Not even questioning how they even managed to connect with him.

"And how's that going, Cartman?," Stan asked curiously. He really wanted to know if there was way.

Cartman took a few seconds to rehear his friend's question. He considered it a bit. After all, he was starting to find hell quite less boring now that he found his dad. He was not going to admit that to them though.

"Uh- well, I'm still on it. Not much luck though," he lied.

"Dammit Cartman, you fat fuck you really can't do shit with out us can you," Kyle then added, smirking slightly.

"Aye!."

The three boys started howling of laughter.

"Eric?."

Eric jolted in shock by the sudden voice behind him, reappearing to his vision. He reposition himself.

"Everything alright?," Jack answered a little concerned of his son behavior just now. He had just returned with some books at his hold while he witnessed Eric seemingly talking to himself.

It was nothing new to him that his son was mentally fucked up, so he has decided to shrug it off.

"Yeah, everything's alright."

'Who's that, fat boy?,' Stan asked.

"No one.." Cartman answered in a whisper.

"C'mon, Eric. Let's go to my place and discuss about your situation," Jack added with a nod gesturing to follow him.

Eric then pursued on following behind him.

[...]

"I guess we lost connection with Cartman," Kenny stated. As they no longer could hear their fat friend.

"How long will it take for us to be able to contact him again?," Kyle asked a little eager. He was finally being able to enjoy the presence of Cartman again, and honestly it was hard to admit he did miss it.

"Probably tomorrow," the blonde shrugged laying down on his bed, "maybe we should try asking the goths if they know how to bring a person back from the depths of hell."

"That sounds like a good idea," Stan chimed in.

The three were now determined on bringing Cartman back.

On the other side, Cartman found himself admiring his father's pent house. It had one of the most amazing views of hell. He stared at the window for a brief long period while seeing every store, house, streets, even the small from afar hell citizens.

And don't get him started on his gaming room! There was also a personal gym 'meh' who gives a damn about exercise. He continued looking through the home. Big kitchen, bathroom, room.

Wow, literal heaven.

There was a box full of condoms on one of the kitchen counters which his dad immediately hid when he found the boy inspecting the area.

He followed behind him with his arms cross on his back, he liked how much Eric was admiring his success with those big innocent looking eyes, though he knew deep inside that image, he was a little devil just like his mother. Both innocent looking yet easy to sugarcoat someone into giving them what they want, making them devilish.

He remembered venting with pride to his son Scott about being a Denver bronco and the games his won, all the attention he received because of it looking for praise from him, but received none but a small nod while he presided on listening to music. Maybe because he was a teen and no longer interested in hearing about their parents accomplishments and tales.

But Eric, oh small little Eric found everything he did amusing and exciting! He enjoyed that.

"Okay, uh.. Jack?," the boy spoke, uncertain what to call him.

"You can call me dad," The redhead added too quickly, he 'tsch' silently.

It went silent again. Jack figured it'll be a matter of time for things to settle down and fix on it's own.

Cartman had his mouth slightly agape staring at his father trying to pick on any slight hint of bluff in him. But found none. 'No one wanted to be his dad' no one dare tried to be.

Jack was starting to feel a little uncomfortable 'maybe it was too soon?' Before the boy spoke up.

"O-okay, dad," he said with a flat line as his mouth.

That word just felt so cursed coming out of his mouth.

Jack beamed.

[...]

A whole week has passed and the boys were no longer able to contact Cartman. Kyle began to worry if something must have happened to his idiotic friend while in search of an exit from hell.

They had failed miserably to summon Cartman back. Tried the various forms the goths have told them to do. But nothing worked. And now they had lost the only connection they had towards him, Cartman was just too much to bring back he supposed.

Stan had suggested that it may be because he was too fat to fit in any of the portals made. He found that funny cause it was most likely to happen.

He sigh.

The boys decided to just start looking for a new replacement. As they had already gripped on the idea on the other boy's return being less possible.

So here he was. Being the one chosen to pick the new Eric Cartman.

"So why again do I have to pick him?," he asked with a frown expression, having cupped his cheek with the palm of his hand.

"Because, the new Cartman has to be able to keep up with you," Stan stated the obvious.

Kyle raised a brow by that, "What's that supposed to mean?."

"It means, that if he were to be put in a stupid situation where he pissed you off enough to riled you up, then he must be able to budge through with it."

"Doubt it," He said bored. He wasn't interested in finding a new Cartman, he wanted his Cartman back. Their Cartman back.

"Okay, kid. You got the rules?," Stan questioned, eyeing a brunette chubby boy. His name was Tobias. The boy tilted his head not as sure.

"So.. I just can't fight back?," he asked displeased, wrinkling his nose. 'Kinda like cartman' Kyle thought.

"No. You fight back in a sketchy scheme to bite back at Kyle," Kenny explained balancing a pencil with his mouth, "you just let Kyle beat you up."

"But- that's not fair! How can I just let this dude just beat me up?."

Kyle was just standing next to him eyeing the boy. Already annoyed by this interaction. A good start he supposed.

"Dude, it's Kyle you just-" Stan gripped the bridge of his nose to calm himself down, "look, you be an ass, then Kyle beats you up for it. Get it? That's how their dynamic works."

Still not reassured by the answer the boy looked at Kyle in a stance for a fight.

Kyle then did a stance, about to prepare punching the kid. But before even giving him a throw, the boy flinched and cover himself up with his arms.

"Damn, what a pussy," Stan said.

"Ay! I ain't no pussy!," he shouted, his fist were clenched, and his cheeks were red with embarrassment, frowning his face.

"Go on," Kenny tune in, finally fully focusing on the boy, an eye brow raised.

"W-well.. you guys are a bunch of assholes! Fuck you guys!."

"Okay, okay," the blonde boy raised his hands, grinning from ear to ear, "and what am I?," he closed his eyes putting a hand in one of his ears waiting for the correct answer.

"A poor piece of shit!," the boy in question exclaimed, "you're a stupid hippie. That only -" he points at Stan. And continued bashing on all three of us.

Stan and Kenny were grinning widely while Kyle felt a little sting is his chest.

They found their Cartman.

[...]

Cartman on the other hand had been laying down on the living room couch, with a very thin blanket as the environment he was in was already quite warm. Atleast for what his father had explained to him. The weather is only based on just two season changes. Summer and 'winter'. Summer is burning hell, winter it's freezing hell as if it were wanting to snow in literal hell, but it never does. Ofcourse, they were in summer when he had arrived, and it'll be like that for the next eight months.

The TV was on and it was kinda late at night for what he supposed called 'hell hour'. Their night time.

His eyelids were half lifted, tired. He won't deny the first few days spending time with his dad we're great, with the exception of the crappy so called 'food' he made, it was just too.. let's say bland 'healthy'. Unlike his mom's amazing cooking nothing could compare. But he had adapted to it very quickly as Jack had promised him to go out for some yummy foods as a 'treat'. He supposed he could endure the torture for a couple more days as long as he was still able to play with all his video games.

But the more the clock ticks the more bored he gets, the more un-patience he gets. Jack also wasn't always home compared to his mother. He had work, and had explained to him this is how he owns such nice things and keeps things in check under 'their' rooftop. He was barely home, and not only that he'd come back with lady friends and takes them to bed with him, claiming they were there for business. What he's not aware of, is that he's already very familiar with the so called 'business' before. His mother has finally mellow down on it but this prick doesn't seem on ending it anytime soon as some college freshman.

He had guessed his former wife had ended up in heaven as she is no longer in the picture and the man never mentions her. Taking this as a opportunity to sleep around with as many women he could get, just like with his mother. He frown by the thought.

He sigh, as he knows better than to knock on the grown man's door. He knew he had taken a lady friend with him inside, he didn't even bother glancing at him before taking her inside. So he layyed there. In that silent room, all by himself hearing the TV noises slowly being blocked by his brain.

He missed south park.

He missed his friends, and his bitch of a mom.

He closed his eyes. And then he jolted back up.

'That's it!' He exclaimed to himself.

He went through all the pages of the books Jack had brought, claiming they could 'help' which he never bother bringing up again cause he was distracting Eric with other cool more interesting stuff than returning him back to South park. For Eric's surprise they were a bunch of cooking recipes 'nothing of actual use!', he frown angrily. 'That motherfucker!' Literally.

He quietly tip toe to another shelf and started going through each individual book but found nothing. He was getting desperate as he was wondering how could Jack keep that information from him when it was literally the whole reason he found him for.

Then, when he was about to give up a green book had ended up smacking his head 'ow!', it had fell from above the shelf. But there was something special about that book that made him peek inside. There was code written in the back part of the book. He wondered where to use it for but was immediately answered as he look at the front cover. It was the best hint.

He slowly open the front door to sneak out and successfully do so. He ran trough each hall way of that huge building and had entered the elevator tapping a button for the ground floor.

He waited patiently, and had entered the shallow hallway. The book was titled 'room fith'.

He open the room and for his luck, it was opened. Everything was empty, a plain green painted room. He stood there confused thinking in 'what' he had calculated wrong.

Before 'snap!' The ground open immediately letting him fall straight into some cushions. The fall didn't feel so deep. But the whole secrecy makes it all skeptical, as if there's something to hide.

He looked around the small room, it was adorned with many satanic symbols, candles, glasses with sand and there were plenty of papers spread in the floors like rituals. He examine each one and approach the table that had many finished and unfinished work. Building plans, maps from areas of hell he hasn't heard of. He figured this was all work of his father as he can recall his writing from the small notes he had left him in the counter before heading for work explaining how to use certain things of the kitchen and wishing him a 'have a nice hell day' before adding 'you're not allowed to go outside'. Kinda controlling not gonna lie.

He flipped through plans and saw many other rituals of summoning. Who knows, he may be able to summon Kyle here? He snorted of the thought of pissing his friend off by bringing him to hell.

But then stop his tracks when he looked under the table to find a small safe, his eyes widen at the revelation 'this is it! This is were he's supposed to add the code.'

"What're you doing there champ?."

He jolted scared turning into the opposite direction.

Jack was smirking slightly while having his arms cross.

"Guess you're enjoying the tour huh," he approached slowly stopping three steps away from Eric.

The boy gulped felling this huge uneasy felling between them, sweating uncontrollably. He felt small for the first time in his whole life, looking at the older man's eyes.

Before being knocked out.

[...]

He opened his eyes and felt his arms tied to a wooden surface unable to move, he notice once adjusting his vision that he was in fact tied up in a chair. He freaked out, this feels oddly familiar.

He then turned his gaze upwards looking straight ahead. Seeing his father sitting down in a couch from that same room, arms were cross around his chest, man spreading but his gaze was straight towards him. He gulped once more. 'He really looks like Scott right now'.

Jack immediately lightened up once he saw Eric awake, he then proceeded to speak.

"Oh, Eric you're awake!," he beamed, forcing a cheerful tone. He didn't want the boy to realize how disappointed he was for catching him trying to escape, "look, Eric, I'm not gonna hurt you," he tried justifying his actions while he stood up.

"You knock me out and tied me into a chair you crazy bitch!."

"BECAUSE someone decided to bash in a forbidden area," Jack defended, he disliked the naming but bit his tongue.

"Cause you lied to me of helping me get out! Those books you brought were all cooking recipes!."

"Well, yes, they will be of help once you're older, champ! I didn't lie," the red head continued explaining while searching through his drawer, "Eric I want you to know that I'm just doing this for the best for you."

The boy remained silent which gave Tenorman the opportunity to continue reasoning.

"I want you to be able to accomplish your goals, I want you to become successful and I want you to be able to follow my steps in hell."

"What? Fuck that! I don't want to be a business man!."

"Eric, I see so much potential in you and have no plans on letting you waste it like your brother."

Eric froze by the mentioned of Scott.

"Unless you'd prefer ending up living in a old dusty hotdog like your mother lead you too?," Jack said with a blank face showing a couple of prints that had many, and I meant many incidents involving Cartman, "When you first approached me, that same night I made a huge search and found so much information on you, Eric, so, so much. You're quite a special boy," he added with a little hum.

"Scott has lost all his marbles, and as hard it is to admit it. I don't see him giving a good name for the Tenormans."

"Fuck the Tenormans! I'm no Tenorman!."

"But you are, Eric," there was a glint of greed in those eyes, something that made Eric's skin scrawled, "in fact, you're more of a Tenorman than a Cartman," he took out a scrapbook from the left side of his drawer.

He flipped through it and stopped in one, deciding to show the boy what was in it.

It was a old newspaper with a young man, probably in his mid-thirties he had ginger looking features but it looked like him, a way older version of him. He had a smirk on while being dragged by cops in the picture, his features resemble pure chaotic vibes. You just knew by seeing a glance of this man, he was trouble.

The article had titled 'psycho man rigged presidential election'. Eric gulped again.

"That's your great grandfather," he then picked up another of his prints, "you know who also tried rigging a presidential election?," Jack added smirking while showing a picture of Cartman and the head of Disney along of millions of election votes.

He then showed him another article, he so called great grandfather was standing next to three other boys picking on one in peculiar, he supposed a friend. He seemed jewish as he had a star of david necklace on him. This article had nothing too chaotic on it, they just use those four teens as an example of 'what not to be'.

Then his dad showed him a picture of his three friends and himself. One where he was in fact, taunting his jewish friend.

He sigh.

"Okay? That means nothing! I want to get back home!."

"That's the thing, Eric, you're not," Jack said, calming placing delicately the scrap on top of the drawer, "I'm protecting you, by the evil of yourself, the evil of your great grandfather's soul on you and the evil of your mother's influence," he pointed, sitting back down comfortably in the couch.

"I'll actually put of good use of your skill and potentials, someone like you Eric should always waste their potential in something actually beneficial than to just fuck around with," Jack lit up a cigar while he continued his rant, "that's what your great grandfather did wrong, and that's what you're doing wrong. Putting your motives and desires into unbeneficial things, un important things. And for what? Just for a three second laugh before being dragged away to jail or to a 'pyscho ward'?," he denied with his head looking at his expensive shoes, smiling after emphasizing his last sentence.

"You mother fucker.." Eric murmured finally realized what the ginger meant, Jack smirked in understanding, "Scott.. he didn't just go crazy because of what I did, he was already going crazy before I enter his life I just pushed him forward to actually snap!," the boy exclaimed scared.

"Ding ding ding!," Jack nodded happily, "see, you're very smart."

Cartman really wanted to go, run away and hide himself under the warm covers of his bed, under his mother's care far away from this crazy bitch!

Jack had left claiming he'd get him some food.

There he was just sitting there afraid, he really prayed for a miracle, just one more miracle in literal hell!

He closed his eyes tight trying to imagine himself being just trapped in a really bad nightmare.

The boy found the switch in personalities amusing, as it were so sudden and unexpected. In a blink of an eye the man that was seen as a caring cool father turned into a crazy psychotic lunatic! He really started missing his mom.

He felt himself uncomfortable felling the ropes being sunken in his flesh, hurting him and he felt having cramps in his calves, it hurted like hell and he couldn't do anything about it. He began crying outta desperation.

Then, he felt a buzz in his ears once more 'guys?'

His eyes lit up.

"Is there someone there?," he asked sniffing his snot back inside as it was running down his mouth.

"Cartman?."

"Kyle?," the brunette boy smile, 'there was still hope after all!'

"Kahl! You gotta help me! Kahl!," the boy cried with no shame. It isn't unusual for him to seek help from his ginger friend when he had fucked up and needed help solving it, "I can't! I'm all tied up and I-I-! Bwaaahh!!!," he cried louder.

"Okay, Cartman calm down!," his friend responded, "what happened? Is everything okay?."

"No! Nothings okay you stupid fuck!," the chubby boy eyes were all puffed up and red, while he felt his throat dry up, "this fucker lied to me! He lieeed!"

"Who lied to you?," he didn't hear Kyle ask as he cut him off continuing explaining his current situation.

"I need help! I'm tied up in 'jak n off' hotel in room five the ground floor! I'm at the bottom!," He cried once again, between breaths he hold back tears, he was freaking out. He was scared, and he was alone.

Then snapped back nervously when he heard a door open from behind him.

"Hey, Eric. I got you some grilled cheese sandwiches in hopes for you to cheer up a bit, my little future super star," said Jack beaming mimicking his mother's tone, it had sent shivers down the boy's spine, "I don't want you gaining too much weight though, or you'll be seen as a piggy for the rest of your life. And no one, likes, pigs."

"Cartman? Are you still there? Cartman!?," he heard his friend's voice.

He remained silent not trying to reveal his last only solution outta this mess, blocking also Tenorman's hurtful words.

"Why Eric! Look at you, you look like a mess," Jack put the sandwiches aside while running to his drawer and taking out a box of tissues and wipes. He then approached the boy and started wiping his face. Cleaning all remaining leftover tears and the snot that had started to dry up in his mouth.

[...]

"Dude, how the hell are we gonna go find Cartman if he's in hell," Stan exclaimed confused about his best friend's claims.

"The only solution is one of us dying," Kyle said with a frown, determinant on finding cartman.

"Dude!?," the latter responded with a brow raised and his arms raised in 'wtf', "dude I don't want to die! There's so much I want to do" looking at the ground thinking about the thousands of board games he hasn't played yet.

"Yeah, me neither!," exclaimed, Tobias.

Kenny remained silent staring at the red head.

"No one has to die, but me," Kyle spoke, he lowered his gaze. He knew it was risky, "I'm offering myself to do it," but it was worth the shot.

"Kyle that's the most crazy shit I've ever heard you say!."

"It's the only way! Nothing else has worked!."

"No, I'll do it."

The three boys turned their head towards Kenny. He had a frown and he seemed to not fear losing anything. Cause he wouldn't.

Kenny had already tried getting back into hell, dying various times to see if he could find Cartman but for some reason he hasn't been able to get a hold of the underground world. Waking back to life the next day. As in some sorta temporary limbo.

"That's okay, Kenny," Kyle reassured with a smile," I know you have your siblings to care of.. and well, I know Ike would have my mom and dad to take care of him, just in case I don't come back."

"Kyle, I'll do it. Eric is my best friend after all," Kyle's words was heartwarming but he wasn't gonna risk losing another friend.

Kyle frown reconsidering it. He then proceeded to nod.

They had left the Marsh residence as they wanted to be as far as possible from any witnesses, they went inside the weed 'garden'.

They found a solid ground far away from the farm. Atleast enough for a bullet to not be able to hear from a distance.

They got into a circle and Kenny stood in middle of the three.

He took the gun out, and pulled the trigger with not even a second thought. But there was nothing, just a small click everytime he pulled the trigger.

"What the fuck?," the blond asked confused looking up at Kyle.

"Sorry, Kenny I couldn't let you do that," his friend stated before pulling out a gun out of his jacket and pointed at his head 'that crazy son of a bitch' Kenny thought eyes wide open in panic, "here goes nothing," 'BANG' was all he heard before hearing the other two boys scream.

"Kyle no!," Stan shouted with his hands gripped into his head staring at his now dead friend, his face covered in Kyle's blood, "Jesus christ!!."

"Holy fuck," the brunette boy said horrified, "you guys are crazy! I no longer want to be part of this stupid group!," he screamed horrified before dashing away no longer looking back.

[...]

"¡AHHH!," Kyle found himself screaming while falling straight into what it seems to be lava. He looked upwards meeting with a pair of people staring at him. Is he really in hell right now? Fuck, he needed to start behaving once he's back in south park. He got up and managed to get out of the pit with ease.

He looked around, people forming circles partying here and there. There was lights everywhere even though it was pretty much lit already. Stores, buildings even food stands. 'No wonder that fat fuck didn't complain about being hungry' he thought to himself. Hell didn't seem bad at all! Well with the exception of the public torture displayed in front of him, he didn't seemed to mind it as much as he felt he should. What the literal hell?

He went to what appeared to be a big wooden cartel for new hell residents with the instructions on how to get back in their feet and their new purposes and do's, 'fuck that', he went where there was a map with all the locations needed to know. Also, pamphlets. He picked one and opened it. He recall Cartman mentioning a hotel called 'jak n off' and pursued following the directions given.

He then stood in front of a yellow building.

Okay, first instruction checked. Now, room fifth of the ground floor. But he stopped before doing any further action. He recalled his friend claiming there was someone with him 'what if they're still there?' He thought before considering a different approach.

Meanwhile...

"Holy shit, Kenny! What do we do!?," Stan said in panic, gesturing the other boy's dead body.

"Okay, Stan. Just listen carefully," the blonde had his right hand as a 'stop' gesturing to calm down.

He saw his friend breathing heavily, closing his eyes trying to regulate his heartbeat and breathing.

'he's just a crazy as Cartman!' That realization made the boy's eyes widen, "Holy shit," He spoke, now gripping into Kenny shoulders while the other boy flinched by the sudden action, "that was just as crazy level as Cartman!," he exclaimed his concerns.

Kenny loosen up from the grip before picking Kyle's body from head to shoulder. He gesture with his head for the other boy to help him with the other half.

Stan hesitated a bit but followed through.

"Fuck."

[...]

"Hmhm hmm!," Jack nodded repeatedly when he had finished re-dressing his off spring. He had bought him a little business suite the other day but had found this time appropriate to give.

The boy had refused and complained when the man attempted to take his clothes off but then failed immediately from his strength. 'Something beneficial from being a Denver bronco' he thought. He proceeded to submit.

Once back tied in the chair, his father turned him around being front of a large mirror.

'Ofcourse he was handsome' but he did not like being force to do things against his own will.

"Eric Tenorman," the man spoke with pride, "doesn't that just sound right?."

Eric gulped. He hated that name.

"Look at you, looking like a professional business man already!," he beamed again, "I'll be right back I'm gonna go fetch some wine."

"When are you planning to untie me!?," the boy wince when he saw a spider slowly going down on him.

A laugh as it were a joke was made, "oh, Eric," he then walked out.

None long after he had heard a loud 'thump' from behind him, he looked instead in the mirror and his eyes widen of excitement.

"Kahal!"

"Cartman?," the boy asked while standing up, he had fallen down from the cushions, ass straight to the ground, "Holy shit, dude! You alright?," he asked approaching him, he proceeded to untie the boy.

Kyle looked around a bit and proceeded to look at the boy that was stretching his back. He heard some cracking and popping.

'He looked like shit'

"We have to get outta here!," Cartman said before dragging Kyle from hand to hand outta the dark room. He was grateful he manage to see how his father summoned a door. But he stopped returning to the safe and grabbing the book and papers that were in there, once again gripping onto Kyle's hands dragging him out.

Once they were safe. They had ran out of the building, running towards the entrance of hell through the amount of new people that had arrived, and found themselves hidden behind 'Sussie's Buttocks' club.

Cartman sigh and Kyle just watched him with a frown brow.

With out further warning Cartman hugged the boy tight leaving Kyle speechless tensing his shoulders and his hands were up in the air unable to figure out if to correspond or just let the boy finish. He decided the second option.

"Thank you, Kyle! You came! I can't believe it!."

The boy loosen up the tension he had felt on his shoulders and just kept silent, letting his arch rival embrace him with his warmth. He could feel Cartman's rapid heart beat.

"Just so you know, I'm just here cause I couldn't stand your replacement," he said finally getting out of the boy's grip.

"Ay! You guys replace me already!?," Cartman protested angry while pouting.

The ginger smirked. With out realizing he felt himself hugging the boy tight. 'Fuck, he actually missed him', he buried his head under Cartman's shoulders as he felt him tense.

Kyle then let go, gazing at Cartman who had his eyes widen and the most heated red cheeks, mouth agape 'he looked gay' he thought. The boy then proceeded to lean towards him causing Cartman to panic as he weakly slapped him backwards snapping him out to his senses.

"Okay so who are we hiding from?," the red head spoke while he dust off the dirt on his jacket.

"Jack Tenorman."

Kyle's attention back to Cartman, in shock, "your dad?."

He nodded before vomiting. Everthing was all so overwhelming. Everthing his father revealed, his great grandfather and how home sick he felt, how much he missed his friends and mom. His insides twisted as he felt shivers all over him.

He made sure to point at Kyle's seamlessly new shoes though

"Ow gross, dude!."

[...]

Kenny found himself desperately wanting to go to hell but no matter how much he tried, he just couldn't. As if there were something blocking him by going.

He sigh, legs crossed next to Kyle's rotten body, flies piling up around him. He and Stan had hid themselves in Randy's shed. They weren't certain if to burry him or not so they toss him in there while both took turns checking outside for any future witnesses which they failed miserably because Stan's dad had went for a quick smoke hidding from Sharon, and looked at them, glancing at both boys before looking at Kyle 'ohhh' he murmured, both brows were raised before closing the door slowly, leaving.

Kenny then took out the ouija board and place it in the ground. Might aswell try to contact Kyle.

"Any luck?," Stan asked wincing from the smell that was coming out of his best friend.

"No," Kenny tried cutting some more blood out of his wrist, carefully not making the wound any deeper. They needed a living mortal's blood to be able to contact the dead.

"Do you think he went to heaven?."

"Nah, man. You really think one of us will end up there after the amount of shit we've down?," he had went to heaven before but it was a one time thing, after he started simply caring less about his deaths he became bolder and is no longer admitted into heaven.

Besides he recalled Kyle unintentionally killing a bunch of Canadians that was enough reason to be sent to hell.

"Good point."

Cartman and Kyle found themselves looking through rituals and plans, they inspected the book while Kyle flipped through pages then stopped pointing at one.

"Here 'lay the one and only chosen one for the path to open, a bright light as blindfold being turned to one'," then continued reading the next paragraph, " 'the second gripped to life, will become sacrifice to give light as they are two'."

"What's that supposed to mean?."

"As they are two.." Kyle reread trying to add sense to what was written, brows knitted together, "that's it," He said looking at the drawings of two men one represented death, the other life. While life was seen switching places with death.

He flipped through the rest of the pages reading new paragraphs and prophecies.

'Misplace the two bounded souls and fear it's wrath between worlds, as they are one'

'Life and death which are shown to be bounded by a soul'

'Death is life, life is death, a curse forming in between them as the new bounded soul is created'

He flipped through the next page and eyes widen. It was a drawing of Kenny and Cartman. 'Holy shit'

"Did you find anything?," Cartman asked while laying down on his stomach, making paper airplanes with the loose pages that were spread on the floor as he had gotten bored.

"Well, there you are my special little boy."

Both boys gasped turning around while they got up, Kyle having gripped the book on his chest. He walked backwards placing an arm on Cartman backing away slowly shielding him

'Cartman was our way out' he told himself, justifying his actions as if it were the first time he found himself protecting the fat fuck. Which it wasn't.

Jack stood there with his arms crossed behind his back, grinning eyeing the book then looking back at Kyle.

"I see you brought a friend to play, Eric," he took a pistol out from the inside of his suite pocket.

Both dashed outta there running through the multiple people that were all formed in circles. Hearing Tenorman shout from a far 'Ay! come back here!'

'Like father like son'.

Kyle panted hardly while trying to grasp some air, Cartman was knocked out cold on the floor. Hopefully they were far enough from Tenorman.

A buzzing feeling in his ear caught his attention, he held it because of the intense pain it did as if that were gonna stop it. Blood trailing down his cheek he looked at the hand he had held himself with 'my ear is bleeding'.

"Kyle?," the boy in question jolted.

"Kenny!?"

"Dude finally! We were worried sick for you!."

"Is he there? Kyle? Are you there!? You crazy piece of shit! Jesus christ!," Stan chimed in," are you alright? Did you find Cartman?."

"Yeah, he's right here," he looked at the boy that was now trying to stand up. He offered a hand while the boy reached out and was pull up to his feet again. He looked tired, uncharacteristically tired. It gave Kyle an uneasy feeling as he remembered what he had read 'Misplace the two bounded souls and fear it's wrath between worlds, as they are one' he assumed Cartman may be 'life'.

"Okay cool, have you guys find a way out?."

"Is that the hippie?," Cartman asked finally paying attention to the buzzy feeling of his own ears.

"Yeah.." Kyle whispered more to himself than to anyone else, "Kenny?"

"Yeah? I'm here dude."

"Look this is gonna sound crazy but,"

'Bang'

"¡AAH!," Kyle looked at Cartman who had screamed in horror, then looked at his now wounded chest half lifted eyes before feeling his legs weakened.

'Fuck' was the only thing that came out before knocking out on the floor.

'Kyle!?'

'Kyle!?'

'Kyle!'

The boy slowly felt himself waking up by the sound of Stan's voice rumbling in his ears. He grunted, feeling sharp pains in his chest were he was previously shot, but managed to stand up.

He looked at his hands an feet, then his chest. It seemed to have healed as if it never happened 'had he dreamt it?' He looked around and found himself in the entrance of hell once more. Cartman was no longer at sight.

"Fuck," he frown 'this was being dragged too much', "Kenny, are you there?."

"Yeah man, what happened? We lost you for like an hour!."

"An hour? Holy shit.. okay, Kenny. I'm not crazy but I think you're 'death'."

"What."

"Yeah. I have a satanic looking book on me that has you drawn in here stating that you're bound into a soul."

"W-what?.."

"Yeah.. as crazy as it sounds but you're bonded. Not only are you bounded but to Cartman of all people."

"What!?," he heard both friends shout in unison.

"Look I don't know much for sure, but that's what I've gotten from what's written here. It says we need both of you to be able to get out."

"But how? I'm not allowed in hell."

"What?," he found himself confused by that comment but shrugged it off, "look 'the chosen soul must be into one of understanding to open a door through life and death' i- I honestly got lost by that point," Kyle admitted nodding to himself.

" 'The chosen soul must be into one of understanding to open a door through life and death..'," Kenny found himself repeating the words. He frowned.

Cartman and him were bounded.. but how? But why? Life and death. If he was death that makes Cartman life. Which having him in the underworld makes it not possible to be 'life'.

Death.. death is life. Which would makes sense if he were to die and revive.

Would that mean switching places with Cartman? As he found himself in life and he in death. All this is messing up his mind.

Would that mean what's been blocking him from both heaven and hell and keeping him in a sorta limbo state is because he's slowly becoming life? And Cartman..

'fuck'

"Kenny?," Stan's voice snapped him back.

"We need to find a way to bring Cartman back and quick!."

The chubby boy felt his body weakened while he was carried by his father. He had taken him to the rooftop of the building he owned while gripping tight with steel chains his wrists and legs into some torture table he had put there.

Half lifted eyes stared to the ground. He felt like shit.

His father stood there with clasped hands eyeing him everywhere as he was some golden trophy, as he were just waiting for something. But he couldn't grasp what it was.

"Did I ever mentioned you that Liane was part of a cult?," spoke Jack.

Cartman just kept silent as he began coughing badly.

The grown man walked towards him taking out a tissue from his pocket cleaning some of the trail blood he had cough out 'the fuck!?'

"When I first met your mother it wasn't at some stupid party your town folks had told you about. I met her in a cult meeting. I was young and was told they will be free booze," He reveal while fixing the boys now untied tie, "we felt attraction immediately and bonded over the fact that we were both there for booze, laugh it off and things just lead to an other," continued while shrugging.

Cartman found himself feeling his muscles spasm.

"I'm the good guy Eric! I would've never asked for this to have happen to you if I knew," he then place his hand onto his chest as an innocent demeanor, "your mother is to blame."

"The thing is, unlike me, Liane ended up getting too into the cult meeting and had unintentionally set herself up with two other soon to be parents, she had dragged me in, unaware of what would happened. She found it silly and fun and I found it a little creepy but followed through cause I was just too wasted to care about the odd rituals the other members were putting us in 'everthing for a piece of that' I kept telling myself."

The boy cut him off he began to have various seizures that lasted for up to three seconds before repeating itself, he felt his mouth grasping for air and being choked by his own saliva. His fingers twitched and his feet curled.

"And then, months after, you were born," unfazed the man wiped the saliva off his cheeks, "ofcourse by the time you were born I had no longer any contact with Liane and that so called meeting became a fuzzy memory for me."

"But, Eric," he approached the boy, face to face, "this, it's life changing," the boy heard while still trying to grasp for air, his vision long gone as it became blurry.

"Imagine, a Tenorman being able to switch in between worlds! Being able to use this curse and becoming one of the most powerful beings on both worlds," He ranted for himself, with every word being said his eyes dilated. Malicious, greed, selfishness surfacing, "not being able to die! HaHA! We'd be unstoppable!."

'Bang'

Tenorman fell into the floor.

Kyle then reloaded his shotgun while two other boys stood next to him.

"Stan help me with Cartman!," Kenny order running towards the almost unconscious boy. Stan nodded following.

They had manage to summon Satan while being in the upper world. Luckily Satan owed Stan a favor and it was just all convenient.

They managed to release Cartman by pressing a button that was place under the table with the label 'release' on it.

Kenny held the boy who convulsions worsened.

"Eric can you hear me?."

"K-kinny? Dammit kinny! Get out my death sequence," the boy complained even though his eyes looked elsewhere.

"You're not gonna die fat boy! You're already in hell."

"Oh, right," His body stiffened trying his best to take control but failed miserably once more, "how's it going?."

The comment made the blonde boy cracked a smile, "look Eric," he gently caress cartman's hair.

'That's gay' he heard the boy remark but ignored it.

"It'll be hard to believe this.. but I die," Kenny revealed, "like all the time," he sigh, feeling the glances of his other two friends on him.

"I know."

Kenny's eyes widen, "no, like I mean it, I die all the time!."

"I know," his chubby friend frown feeling stupid by hearing his best friend seemingly finding it hard for him to remember the obvious. And because of the condition he's in 'duh' he didn't feel like arguing, "I can tell you death by death, each and single one with detail and date."

Kenny was left with his mouth opened, speechless, he couldn't believe it. 'Is he really telling the truth or is he fucking with me?' All this time he's been looking for someone atleast one person that could remember. And he was there all along infront of him, someone he least expected.

"And you didn't bother on telling me!?," Kenny said angry, he felt his eyes water.

Cartman twitch in his arms, "nobody seemed to mentioned anything, and you never asked. I figured it may have been a bad dream or not as important cause nobody seem to believe me the few times I did mention it, they all looked at me weird as it I we're delusional," the boy admitted.

Now that he thought about it. The times he has admitted to someone about his curse, Cartman was never present. Which meant he had never given the opportunity to answer him. And when he mentioned it he was either dead or not around to tell.

Like if it were intentional for both boys to not be able to share this moment until now.

"You know what's messed up?," cartman's voice snapped him back, he had a weak smile plastered, "I began to be so use to it, it was easy to use your deaths. Like the time you were in the death bed or the time I had convinced everyone it would be best to disconnect you to have your psp, or being able to better my vision stealing one of your eyes, I knew you'd come back, you always did."

Kenny's eyes sparked in amusement 'he really did remember'.

"But the first few times.. kinny they were horrifying, I still feel uneasy but it isn't as before," his body twitch some more while he complained about the pain in his arms and legs, "I remember the rats eating your flesh, I remember trying to shoo them away cause you still weren't dead."

Kenny watched his friend with such warmth as if it were a cute tale he was retelling.

"The time Kyle killed you with a chainsaw," 'I what?' They heard their ginger friend asked confused but ignored it, "being killed by a bull, eaten by some pterodactyl, by oral sex, squished, run over," the boy shaked, the pain decreasing the more closer he got to kenny. On the other hand kenny was feeling immense warmth in his chest, like literal fire. 'Hell, It's really burning!'

Kenny remembered always being close in a certain way with Cartman, they even were once trapped together by his soul because the stupid idiot had eaten his ashes.

He glance down at Cartman who had let his head fall into his lap, smiling. 'This was kinda gay' he thought.

He felt the boy latching on to him, and he won't deny he felt the sudden urge to do the same which he unintentionally did. The burning sensation in his chest increased the pain, becoming unbearable 'fuuuuuck!'

On the other hand Cartman never felt more peaceful in Kenny's arms, he felt like he was in the clouds and couldn't recall why the sensation just felt like he was falling but there was no fear of an impact just comfort with in the clouds and sky.

Stan and Kyle didn't bare interrupt the two boys as they knew it was needed to get out and Kenny knew how to do it but they couldn't help feeling a little discomfort as this felt intimate and private. Atleast for Stan it wasn't displeasing just disturbing while with Kyle it was the opposite. He found the boys sudden closeness displeasing he just didn't know why.

Sudden the back door sling open reveling Jack. Kyle prepared his gun and pointed at him making him stop in his tracks.

"You guys don't know what're you're doing! Fuck, ¡no!," He exclaimed once he saw Kenny holding on to Cartman and vice-versa. He knew there was no longer takes back as their ritual bound was already in the stages of ending.

The two boys burst into flames seemingly showing no response to it. Atleast from Cartman's part, internally for Kenny it was a pain in the ass but he didn't show it. Sweat begin to pop up in his skin and his nails digged up in Cartman's suit, wincing his eyes shut.

Their silloette formed a door which proceeded to opened.

"Dude! I think it's the portal!," Stan exclaimed getting near it, while Kyle shot Tenorman in the head once more before following Stan. Not after glancing at Kenny and Cartman before jumping through the portal.

Cartman then layyed down flat finally letting go of Kenny. The blonde watched him while he started twisting in pain 'this is it' he then looked at Cartman, suddenly understanding before proceeding to enter the portal, finally vanishing.

Kenny sigh as he turned into ashes finally dying.

[...]

"Morning dudes," Kenny salute, beaming. He was in a good mood after all.

"Sup Kenny," Stan greeted.

"Hey Kenny," Kyle added.

"Cartman hasn't arrived yet?."

"That fat fuck probably forgot to turn his alarm on," the red head spoke with a yawn.

"Or, he did set an alarm but ignored it," Stan added.

"Either sound possible."

Not long after Cartman got on the bus greeting them.

"Hey dipshits!," he proceeded to take a seat next to Kenny who grinned at him, "so how you guys dealing after the hell incident?," he asked.

Stan and Kyle just raised a brow confused.

"What're you talking about, fatass?," Kyle then added while frowning not wanting to deal with Cartman's shit again this early in the morning.

"Yeah, dude, you alright?," Stan chimed in.

Kenny stared at Cartman still beaming while he saw the bigger boy's face turned in disbelief.

"Dude! I literally died a horrible death not long ago! Remember? Hell!? Kyle you literally went to save me!," he screamed.

"Did he also came in a shining armor?," Stan teased while both best friends, then, howl in laughter.

Cartman pouted bitterly. Kenny put a hand on his shoulder understanding well enough the feeling. The boy glance at him.

"Welcome to the club," he smiled.

Cartman looked up at the two boys infront of him that still found themselves laughing then looked at Kenny, smiling back.

"This sucks ass."

They both chuckled.

[...]

Kyle found himself approaching Cartman while they were entering the school entrance.

"Hey, fatass."

"What up," the fat boy answered while he took out his phone.

"About me saving you did I also bring a sword?," he bite his upper lip before bursting into laughter.

"Ha ha very funny Kahal," the boy said bitterly, "actually not only did you showed up in a shining armor, a sword, but you also kissed me on the lips as I was the damsel in distress." honestly was not the best combat but it was the first thing that came into spot. He wasn't planning to let Kyle have the last word after feeling still bitter about the red head not recalling the previous events.

Kyle was left baffled by that. For some reason Cartman's stupidity was beyond compression but the mystical accusation left him speechless.

Cartman had already proceeded on leaving to class but Kyle just stood there blank hearing a small noise in his ears that kinda sounded like 'hootie and the blowfish'.

In class Kenny had both his hands clenched, excited. He never felt more happy knowing someone does remember! Not only that, but the bound ritual just made their bound strengthen, as he watched Cartman knowing the other boy felt the same. He knew the feelings were true cause he felt it, they both felt each other when their soul united once more 'as gay as that sounds'. Cartman looked back at him sharing that same beaming felling before returning to bother Wendy interrupting her speech with slurs an unwanted opinions.

He always felt alone knowing no one remember him dying, an as much as he had his moments despising Cartman there was now this warmth comforting feeling that someone other than him knew, even if it were a bigot like Cartman. It's not like he could complain much after all, they will be forever bounded by a soul so there's no preventing being connected to one an other.

But he'd care less, he wasn't alone no more.

He smiled once again, he's been feeling all giggly all morning, he just couldn't help it. He was happy and today was just a nice super fantastic day.

School had ended as the bell rang.

The four boys walked with each other discussing what they'll do this evening as a squad.

"What about boar-"

"Stan, I swear to God if you say 'board games' once more I'll kill myself," Cartman interrupted by grunting.

Stan frowned.

"No offense dude, but Cartman's right. We've been playing boards games three times in a row for weeks," Kyle chimed in.

Kenny nodded. He knew Stan had developed a new obsession with board games when he moved to the farm and starting hanging out with Tolkien, which we didn't seem to mind much, but it had gotten boring being repeated multiple times everytime they hang out.

"What about cards?," the blonde suggested.

"Same shit," Cartman rolled his eyes with that.

Is that 'hootie and the blowfish' they began hearing in the background?

"Does anyone hear that?," Stan asked looking around.

"No," Kyle quickly stated.

"Anyways, what about basketball?," Cartman suggested while putting his attention on the others, his hands gripped on to his waist.

"You know what? That doesn't sound like a bad idea Cartman," Stan agreed while turning his focus onto Kyle who seemed kinda spaced out.

"Hm?," the boy said before barfing on Cartman.

'BLEEEEARGH!'

"Ah! Gross dude! Wtf Kahl!?," he wince disgusted wiping off the barf from his jacket, "disgusting!," he kept complaining.

"Sorry!."

"Woah dude," Stan exclaimed.

"I think breakfast didn't do me too well," the boy explained while rubbing his stomach, nauseous.

"Fuck you! You're so fucking disgusting!," Cartman kept rambling angry while walking off, seemingly going home, "ew! Screw you guys I'm going home."

"Sorry, Cartman!," Kyle apologized once more before returning his attention to the others, "so is basketball still on the list?."

"Hell yeah."

Cartman not long after joined the other three with a new jacket staying farther away from Kyle claiming that he didn't want the ginger to barf on him again which the boy rolled his eyes from and Stan calling him out a 'pussy' while continuing playing the game.

It was a nice evening with the four boys peacefully enjoying their company as everthing had turned back to normal.

[mariana-oconnor]

The Blue Carbuncle pt 1

Merry Christmas in March, everyone. Isn't it festive?

"Amid the action and reaction of so dense a swarm of humanity, every possible combination of events may be expected to take place, and many a little problem will be presented which may be striking and bizarre without being criminal. We have already had experience of such." "So much so," l remarked, "that of the last six cases which I have added to my notes, three have been entirely free of any legal crime."

I do like that Holmes turns his attention to things that aren't crimes, just random peculiarities. Although arguably some of the things he references should have been crimes. (Mary Sutherland, you were wronged.) I think however, Holmes might be wrong about this one. A Carbuncle being a kind of gem, I think there might be dastardly deeds afoot of the particularly illegal kind.

"No, no, he found it. Its owner is unknown. I beg that you will look upon it not as a battered billycock but as an intellectual problem.

So what we have here is a mystery of returning a hat to its owner.

"One of the latter knocked off the man's hat, on which he raised his stick to defend himself and, swinging it over his head, smashed the shop window behind him. Peterson had rushed forward to protect the stranger from his assailants; but the man, shocked at having broken the window, and seeing an official-looking person in uniform rushing towards him, dropped his goose, took to his heels, and vanished amid the labyrinth of small streets which lie at the back of Tottenham Court Road."

Well first, assault is a crime, so you can mark that down. Second, I think breaking a shop window counts as vandalism, although unintentional it may have been. Third, the true crime here is that the man lost both his hat and his goose on Christmas day. A calamity of no short order.

Its finder has carried it off, therefore, to fulfil the ultimate destiny of a goose

Sorry, Holmes. The geese refuse.

"Then, what clue could you have as to his identity?" "Only as much as we can deduce." "From his hat?"

Watson's insistence on being surprised every time is joyful. He never loses his awe and astonishment over Holmes' skills. But also, yes, al Sherlock has been doing for two days is staring at a hat. That's how he spent his Christmas.

That the man was highly intellectual is of course obvious upon the face of it

Can't wait to hear how he figures that one out. If it has to do with the size of the man's head I will try very hard not to laugh.

This may account also for the obvious fact that his wife has ceased to love him.

Fucking savage.

"Not in the least. Is it possible that even now, when I give you these results, you are unable to see how they are attained?"

I know Holmes doesn't mean to be patronising about this, but he really is.

"It is a question of cubic capacity," said he; "a man with so large a brain must have something in it."

There it is! Big hat = big head = big brain. OR maybe Big hat = big hair = very little brain. OR... big hat = big head = big ego.

The Victorian insistence on things like this is an endless source of amusement to me. Yes, it makes logical sense. You can see why they'd think it. And yet, also... no.

It also makes me think of this guy:

Come to think of it, Megamind isn't wearing a hat... maybe he's also missing a goose.

"But his wife—you said that she had ceased to love him." "This hat has not been brushed for weeks."

Hat brushing, the true test of affection. Sure, your OTP are sweet, but do they brush each others' hats.

I mean, he could have brushed his own hat, but I know that kind of gender fuckery would have been anathema. Men brushing their own hats? What do they have wives for? Whatever is the world coming to when a man has to brush his own hat? MADNESS!

"One tallow stain, or even two, might come by chance; but when I see no less than five, I think that there can be little doubt that the individual must be brought into frequent contact with burning tallow."

To have two tallow stains might be considered a misfortune, but to have five is nothing short of carelessness!

"as you said just now, there has been no crime committed, and no harm done save the loss of a goose, all this seems to be rather a waste of energy.

Watson, Watson, Watson. You slave to the capitalist machine.

Must a puzzle be productive? Must it be grand? Must it always be the King of Bohemia as supplicant begging for aid? Is it not enough that a man has lost a hat and a goose. Is it not even enough for the puzzle to be enough in and of itself?

Cut off the shackles of productivity. Cast aside the delusions of 'meaning'. The universe is chaos and we are but a blip in time.

The recovery of the hat of a man who has clearly not been able to afford a new one for some time, whose wife no longer loves him, and who had to suffer Christmas with no roast goose holds as much meaning as a bank robbery. If not more. For shame, Watson. For shame! Have you no pity in your heart?

"The goose, Mr Holmes! The goose, sir!" he gasped. "Eh? What of it, then? Has it returned to life and flapped off through the kitchen window?"

OMG untitled goose game Sherlock Holmes edition. You are a terrible goose and it is Christmas day in Victorian London!

"See here, sir! See what my wife found in its crop!" He held out his hand and displayed upon the centre of the palm a brilliantly scintillating blue stone, rather smaller than a bean in size, but of such purity and radiance that it twinkled like an electric point in the dark hollow of his hand.

This is a very lovely description of the stone, but also, introducing the titular character, the blue carbuncle. Alas, the goose will probably have no further importance.

"Not the Countess of Morcar's blue carbuncle!" I ejaculated.

1 - another ejaculation, 2 - This is, fittingly for Christmastime, feeling a little like pantomime.

Oh no it isn't!

Oh yes it is!

"the reward offered of 1000 pounds is certainly not within a twentieth part of the market price."

Inflation calculation time again

£1000 in 1890 comes to approximately £100,000 today.

Making the Blue Carbuncle's market price an estimated £2 million in today's money. The biggest goose heist of all time? I think so.

"A thousand pounds! Great Lord of mercy!" The commissionaire plumped down into a chair and stared from one to the other of us.

Fair.

'Ryder instantly gave the alarm, and Horner was arrested the same evening; but the stone could not be found either upon his person or in his rooms. Catherine Cusack, maid to the Countess, deposed to having heard Ryder's cry of dismay on discovering the robbery, and to having rushed into the room, where she found matters as described by the last witness.'

I trust neither Ryder nor Catherine Cusack. They are very fishy.

Inspector Bradstreet, B division, gave evidence as to the arrest of Horner, who struggled frantically, and protested his innocence in the strongest terMs Evidence of a previous conviction for robbery having been given against the prisoner, the magistrate refused to deal summarily with the offence, but referred it to the Assizes. Horner, who had shown signs of intense emotion during the proceedings, fainted away at the conclusion and was carried out of court.

Hi Inspector Bradstreet! Hope you had a good Christmas.

I really don't think Horner did it. I know I said I read this one, but all that means is that I'm mostly aware of the how. Not so much the who.

Found at the corner of Goodge Street, a goose and a black felt hat. Mr Henry Baker can have the same by applying at 6:30 this evening at 221B, Baker Street.

Not to be a party pooper, but couldn't you have done that to start with?

"And, I say, Peterson, just buy a goose on your way back and leave it here with me, for we must have one to give to this gentleman in place of the one which your family is now devouring."

So many geese. More geese, please. I think this holds the record for the number of geese in one Sherlock Holmes story. Hopefully there will be more next time.

[dujour13]

Ok, for the Pathfinder Winter prompts, of course I'm gonna ask Ritual of Stardust for Siavash and Woljif! If someone else has already asked that, how about Kissing in the Snow?

@silversiren1101 I grouped these together (great minds you two) and threw in the kiss in the snow. Thanks for the asks 🥰

Pathfinder Winter Solstice prompts here

*TW: minor references to drugs and alcohol

The Abyss had robbed them of six precious months they could never make up for. The only silver lining Siavash could think of was that one of those months was Lamashan, so this year he didn’t have to organize Iomedae’s Ascension festival. He had a better idea.

“It organizes itself,” he told Anevia excitedly. “You just whisper the word on the wind, and people show up.”

“What about food? Latrines? Sec—”

“They bring everything they need, and always a little extra to share. They clean up after themselves, and anyway it’s a battlefield. There’s no money allowed—it’s all gifts and barter, so no need for tariffs or regulations.”

“Security, was what I was going to say.”

“Yes, all right, I’ll concede that part.”

“Which will be my job.”

“I’ll help,” he shrugged. “Come on, Nev, it’ll be fine.”

She heaved a sigh. “Morale could use a boost, I suppose.”

“Well, that’s for sure.”

Thus it was that a few short weeks later the biggest Ritual of Stardust ever not organized began to gather on the flat, blasted plains south of Drezen. Festive carriages rolled in pulled by ponies in jingling, feathered harnesses. Colorful tents were erected full of arts and crafts and music. Mobs of people in all sorts of bizarre costumes spontaneously formed to dance, cook soup, dig privies or build whimsical, towering, temporary statues out of scrap wood and stone.

The Worldwound in the middle of Kuthona was swept with a dry, stinging cold wind so brittle and insidious Siavash feared people would turn away, but Desna’s gentle hand diverted the wind and tucked insulating clouds like a down comforter over the sky, and the day before the bonfires it began to snow like a soft dream.

On the longest night of the year, thousands had come to gather around the bonfire and sing songs to the Great Dreamer, to join hands in the dark, full of hope at the turning point when day would outstrip night again at last, just as the Fifth Crusade too seemed to be rising from its ashes: the Return from the Abyss. But most all, they came to party.

With his new wings, Siavash blended into the crowd of costumed revelers effortlessly. He mingled with the Free and not-so-free Crusaders, marginally succeeded in getting Lann to relax, sang a few songs, and spent some time in Daeran’s extravagant tent until things got a little too wild even for his taste, and then went in search of Woljif.

He was in the main tent by a mulled wine stand, deep in conversation with another tiefling, a hand on one hip and the other thrown over the top of the wine vendor’s awning in an unselfconscious, casually graceful pose, tail darting back and forth. A cunning smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. There was a streak of glitter on his right horn he was probably unaware of. Looks like Aivu snuck up on him.

Siavash watched him and felt that little thrill—like he had caught a falling star or a rare butterfly, something elusive and unique: this man so different from himself, so full of surprises, so clever and charming and hopeful and brave.

He couldn’t wait another minute. He dove in and seized him around the waist. “Sorry, it’s urgent,” he apologized over his shoulder to the other tiefling as he threw a fur-lined cloak over his shoulders and guided him out of the tent.

“Chief I was in the middle of—”

“I said it was urgent.” He took Woljif’s hand and they tramped through the snow to the huge central bonfire, now burnt low, and stood for a while watching the sparks rise and the snowflakes fall against a starless velvet backdrop of night.

“So… urgent, huh?” Woljif asked presently.

Siavash produced a pouch from his pocket and poured a small handful of sparkling red dust into his palm.

“That’s not some a’ Daeran’s stash is it? I wouldn’t if I were you, chief.”

“No. It’s a star ruby, ground to dust.”

“Wait, what? A ruby? How much is that—”

“Don’t worry.” Siavash put an arm around his shoulders and held up the handful of twinkling ruby shards. “Make a wish.”

Woljif shook his head but couldn’t repress a smile. When the chief was like this, you just had to roll with it. “If you say so.”

They looked at each other in silence for a long moment in the firelight, blinking away snowflakes.

Then Siavash tossed the dust into the wind and it shimmered against the night sky like a million crimson stars.

“I have something for you.” Siavash was smiling like an excited child. “But you’ll have to pick my pocket to get it.”

“You’re such a flake. Fine.” Woljif’s hand darted into his pocket, and came out… with the Moon of the Abyss. Just like that day he’d hidden it in that Andoren sap’s pocket so the Thieflings wouldn’t find it, only this time, he was the one in for a surprise.

The clouded demonic crystal he had destroyed in the Abyss had been replaced with a clear, bright sapphire like a spring morning.

“Chief—how much did this cost? Are you crazy?”

“You’re welcome.”

“Sorry—Siavash, I—” Woljif had to grab him and bury his face in his neck for fear someone would think the snowflakes melting on his cheeks were something else. Siavash felt him trembling with emotion.

A clear blue sky—freedom, instead of domination. An azata’s legacy, instead of a demon’s.

When he felt he could trust his voice again he pulled back and clasped the familiar silver necklace around his neck. His eyes were shining. “Thanks.”

Siavash brushed snowflakes from his cheek and drew his mouth in. Their lips touched tenderly.

“Hey hey, you two! Come on in out of the snow, you’re gonna catch your death,” Seelah beckoned loudly, her color high, beer sloshing from the mug in her hand.

In embarrassment they broke off.

She threw her arms around both of them, completely spilling her beer this time. “Now, this is my first Starlight—”

“Stardust.”

“—Stardust, and I’m sold. Is there such a thing as a paladin of Desna? Oh shit, don’t tell anybody I said that.”

“Don’t worry, I think Iomedae slammed the door when she left.”

Seelah grinned at the two of them. “So, heh, you two gonna make this official or what?”

There was an awkward silence.

“Contracts, priests, vows,” said Siavash. “Way to kill romance, Seelah.”

A little too quickly, Woljif agreed. “Yeah, who needs that stuff. I’ve had my share a’ the literal ball and chain. I’m done with that. Imagine, we’d be at each other’s throats about doin’ the dishes and takin’ out the trash, and…”

As he chattered, Siavash and Seelah exchanged a glance.

“Romance, yeah,” Seelah said, barely repressing a laugh. “Well, you can still throw a party, right?”

“Seelah, I think you spilled your beer.”

“Oh yeah. Better go fill up, eh?”

“Yeah,” Siavash said. “We’ll be right behind you.”

They watched as she half-stumbled off through the snow.

“Boy, Seelah sure does put her foot in it sometimes, I swear,” Woljif was complaining. “Remember that one time at the Half Measure with Elan, and she was layin’ into me about deserting and Jannah was sittin’ right there—”

“Woljif, stop talking for a second.”

“What?”

Siavash took a deep breath. It was not something he had ever contemplated. Simply not in his nature. But the look that had passed across Woljif’s face—halfway between hope and panic, like a puppy about to catch the cat he’d been chasing—and he knew he had to do it.

He was afraid his voice would sound strangled but he forced it out: “Do you, uh, do you want to?”

Woljif turned the deepest shade of crimson he had ever seen him. He swallowed hard, looking past Siavash, eyes going glazed for a moment.

“Nah. Nah, I’m good. You?”

“You know you have my heart.”

Woljif grinned. “Contracts are for suckers.”

“I know, right? And devils.”

“Thanks for askin’.”

“I’m so glad you said no,” Siavash laughed. “I love you so much.”

Woljif threw his arms around him and held him tight. It was weird, almost like that wish stuff actually worked.

[natasha-in-space]

:･ﾟ✧:･. Mint Eye Idol festival doodles! :･ﾟ✧:･.

Looks like our Savior came up with a new event to gather more believers... Her eccentric mind never ceases to amaze. It's a good thing she has many trusted followers to help make her plan a dazzling reality. Let's take a look, shall we?

Or, in other words: me doodling cmc's just because it's fun :D

Natasha certainly never expected that becoming an idol would be part of her duty as Ray's assistant... Her life in Mint Eye gets more and more bizarre every day. But hey, she has an impressive talent for singing, and once she gets some much needed training, she has no problem charming potential believers with her radiant smile and beautiful voice. Although her stage presence still needs some work. Still, it helps to know that Ray is just as clueless as she is. It's somewhat fun to learn something new by his side!

And yes, I put her into Hatsune Miku's outfit. She loves Miku! Just embarrassed to admit it. It's a good thing their production and costume designer is a huge sweetheart.

Next up, we have the most skilled performer in the group! Hinata is the one responsible for training Ray and Natasha on their stage presence, as well as their dance routine. Apparently it's way harder than it looks, go figure! As someone who knows a thing or two about being an idol, she's the one in charge, which their Savior is more than pleased with. She knows that their idol festival is in good hands with Hinata taking the lead. Their recruitment mission is one of utmost importance, after all... Who would resist a sparkling idol taking your breath away on stage?

Meanwhile, Chaewon is in charge of security for the event. Since Ray will be performing on stage with Hinata and Natasha, his duties are temporarily handed over in her hands. While their Savior did suggest for her personal bodyguard to join the others on stage, it seems that she has no sense of rhythm whatsoever... much to her own embarrassment. She makes sure that everything goes smoothly and takes care of any... sleezy individuals lurking in the crowd.

And Lila did a wonderful job producing and planning the whole event. She's also the costume designer! It's thanks to her that everyone looks so dazzling on stage... Although, nobody expected for her to come up with such an unorthodox look for Mr. Ray. But, it works! Natasha seemed very charmed by his leather jacket in particular. And, to support Ray on his first ever performance on stage, she even created matching outfits for them! Ray may be nervous, but the entire room fades away once his eyes meet his precious tester in front of the crowd, cheering him on and looking up at him with stars in her eyes.

Hinata belongs to @rfaromance and Lila belongs to @marshmallowprotection

Natasha and Hinata were based off of my favorite Miku figurines: Hatsune Miku feat my little pony Bishoujo statue; Hatsune Miku: Symphony 2019 Ver.

Chaewon and Lila references by @CommiGtl on Twitter

[pixies-and-poets]

I'm so sorry I keep talking about rabbids qwq, but how do you think some of the M+R characters would celebrate (If they celebrate it at all) or at least react to Christmas? I have lots of ideas but I'm so shy and Idk how to say em qwq

Ok first of all you don't need to apologize!! Have you seen me? If anyone needs to apologize it's me, to all the people who followed me here years ago because I mostly talked about Paper Mario or Mario & Luigi and now I just appeared again out of nowhere to yell about gremlin bunnies. No regrets though, if I convince at least one bewildered onlooker to play these games somewhere down the line I'll be overjoyed.

Don't know if you've seen this but this is some old art from I think the year KB came out (Davide also reposted it today).

I've had this saved on my computer for years haha. So anyway yes they definitely get up to some good times! They even dragged the Bwa Boys into it!

Now, my first instinct was to say that Rabbids probably didn't have a concept of annual holidays or anything before coming to the Mushroom Kingdom, being too chaotic for that, but honestly? They've been all over the universe, the multiverse even. I haven't played any Rabbids games outside of M+R except for the original Raving Rabbids which I barely remember. But I'm willing to bet there's some kind of holiday level or moment in at least SOME Rabbids media because that's such a common trope, not even to mention any more meta stuff like holiday art Ubisoft might have put out. So I'm sure they have a conception of a winter festival. How presumptuous of me to think otherwise!

However, I imagine their celebration of such a holiday would come with a number of bizarre traditions for which there is no obvious logical throughline to the season. Like, think of the strangest personal family tradition you have and crank that to the maximum. For instance, every Christmas Eve my partner and I watch the 90s Nickelodeon movie Goodburger, which we are about to do. Rabbids Christmas is just a whole slew of stuff like that. The denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom were at first confused by this, but came to enjoy it and even adopt some of the nonsense into their own celebrations.

The most heartwarming thing to me though, is that the Spark Hunters certainly would NOT have a conception of holidays. They were very purpose-built; why would Cursa imbue them with knowledge of anything that would distract them from their mission or waste time? So I like to imagine the other heroes gradually getting excited about the upcoming holidays and Edge just being like ".......???" And they get to teach her about everything. My heart!!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 25/11/2023 (Tate McRae, Drake)

Content warning: Holiday festivities (bah humbug)

For a second week, Jack Harlow - sadly - holds onto the #1 with “Lovin’ on Me” on the UK Singles Chart. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, as this is very much a regular November-era episode, Hell, probably the real start of the Christmas music era, also known as the end-times, we start with our notable dropouts, which are songs exiting from the UK Top 75 - since that’s what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid our farewells to an actually pretty considerable selection of big hits, those being “TOO MUCH” by The Kid LAROI, Jung Kook and Central Cee, “Can’t Play Myself (A Tribute to Amy)” by Skepta, “IDGAF” by Drake featuring Yeat - most likely making way for Drake’s debut this week and will be back the next - “3D” by Jung Kook and Jack Harlow (also potentially back next week thanks to the Justin Timberlake remix), “Say Yes to Heaven” by Lana Del Rey, “Party All the Time” by Hannah Laing and HVRR (Rest well, sweet prince), “It Goes Like (Nanana)” by Peggy Gou, “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac, “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus, “Escapism.” by RAYE featuring 070 Shake, “As it Was” by Harry Styles and finally, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi. It’s likely that these end up back in the chart after Christmas, and really, there is no silver lining because we’re shoveling out old tracks for even older ones.

Now as always, I will never cover all of the Christmas songs but this is the week this year where we get the influx of the truly canonised classics, at least most of them, so for their first week in the top 75 this year, we have “Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow” by the late Dean Martin at #69, “Snowman” by Sia at #67, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid at #65 - wow, not off to a good start at all. Thankfully, we do clean up with “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by the late Andy Williams at #57, “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues featuring the late Kirsty MacColl at #53, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens at #51, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #49 and “Jingle Bell Rock” by the late Bobby Helms at #44. Wham! are at #14, Mariah’s at #16, Brenda Lee trails in third at #31. We do also see some non-holiday gains, namely “Lil Boo Thang” by Paul Russell at #36, “Angel Numbers / Ten Toes” by Chris Brown at #31 for whatever reason, “First Person Shooter” by Drake featuring J. Cole at #27 thanks to the video - more on Drake later - and “Can’t Catch Me Now” by Olivia Rodrigo at #13. We also see the bizarre re-entry for Ye’s 2010 track “Runaway” featuring Pusha T at a new peak of #34. Yeah, I assume there’s some TikTok virality here because I can’t figure out why otherwise, though it is a fan favourite - even if I think it’s pretty overrated, like the rest of that album. For the record, this is only its third week in the UK charts; it peaked at #56 for two consecutive weeks in 2010 and vanished thereafter.

And for THIS week in the UK Singles Chart, our top five starts with “Water” by Tyla at #5, in no doubt helped by remixes with Travis Scott and Marshmello of all people, and sadly not other Afrobeats artists as would have probably worked a lot better. Regardless, we then have “Stick Season” by Noah Kahan at #4, “greedy” by Tate McRae at #3, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #2 and of course, Jack Harlow at the very top. Now to pick through our limited little bag of new entries.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 - “Stay Another Day” - Jorja Smith

Produced by who cares?

Well, it’s that time of year again where we get the charts flooded with Amazon originals, tracks recorded for the Christmas season exclusively by artists working with Amazon Music that autoplay when you ask Alexa for holiday tracks. I think I would have loved to hear a Jorja Smith cover of “Stay Another Day”, personally, as her sultry voice would make the saccharine melodies of the boy-band original much easier to stomach. East 17’s 1994 original is barely even a Christmas song, it just happened to be released in late November and have a snowy video… well, they knew what they were doing with the sleigh bells at the tail-end. It’s not really a song I ever got, but it did spend five weeks at #1 and was the Christmas chart-topper for that year. So naturally, I’m going to talk about abstract hip hop. I made a Google form earlier this month asking for song suggestions to replace the Amazon originals, and got around 51 songs - all unique to be fair - sent to me, so I used a random number generator and selected two for this week. I probably won’t go into as much depth, and they won’t be covered in the conclusion out of fairness, and really for this suggestion, I don’t know where to start. “The Gods Must be Crazy” is a track from We Buy Diabetic Test Strips, the latest album from alternative rap duo Armand Hammer, consisting of rapper-producers billy woods and E L U C I D. With a beat from El-P, both rappers trade sarcastic, at times pretty funny, bars and some striking imagery regarding race, particularly the white misuse and misunderstanding of the black culture they use whilst also neglecting. E L U C I D goes for the abstract whilst woods is arguably more straightforward, but they both end up with some really poetic lyricism, often almost revolutionary and it definitely sounds like they’re leading a protest over some of the grooviest production I’ve ever heard from El-P, with the driving glitched-out vocals, with just enough fuzz to make it hit really hard, and a distanced, unpredictable set of drums. It’s a great track, but definitely one I feel will be much more effective in the context of the album, and I’d love to read a full analysis that puts some of what I simply don’t understand from E L U C I D’s brash delivery and woods’ as always effortless lyrical riffing into perspective.

#64 - “Surround Sound” - JID featuring 21 Savage and Baby Tate

Produced by Christo, DJ Scheme and Nuri

And bizarrely enough, we’re sticking with alternative rap though clearly, much less abstract. This was the lead single for JID’s great album The Forever Story last year, which peaked at #74 in the UK, and it was definitely one of the highlights for me, mostly because of the great use of Aretha Franklin’s 1965 track “One Step Ahead”, used similarly to how it was in Yasiin Bey’s 1995 track “Ms. Fat Booty” - which peaked at #85 in 2000, when Manic Street Preachers were at #1 - but instead layering it behind a killer trap beat. TikTok virality pushed this song back into mainstream popularity, but I’ve been bumping this one since release, with JID effortlessly rattling off flows as always, littered with breathy ad-libs and seamless rhyme schemes, so much so you almost forget most of this is just flexing. I love how the sample comes back in to act as an introductory jingle for 21 Savage, entering the ring with some of his coldest bars at that point, in a flow he hadn’t yet overused, and an overall brilliant if fleeting guest verse. Then Baby Tate strangely comes in, mostly moaning in a half-finished verse excerpt that blurts itself between the “banger” first half and a static noise that fills out the track before returning to a dark, fragmented beat that cuts in and out amidst JID’s grimier gangsta rap lyrics, with a menacing charisma honestly kind of reminiscent of Eminem, using flows and schemes that never seem to actually get a hold of the verse, it strays really far from the tightly-composed hit that makes up the first half and seems to show the grimmer reality of Atlanta that all three artists here are based in. Overall, I mean, it’s brilliant top-class hip hop, the kind you never expect to chart outside of the big-hitters like Kendrick and Cole, and I really hope it survives Christmas because it is fantastic.

#60 - “Lose Control” - Teddy Swims

Produced by Ammo and Julian Bunetta

I first heard Teddy Swims as a feature on a Meghan Trainor song, then discovered his real second name was Dimsdale so it really does not seem like a good first impression for Mr. Dimsdale or his pop-music Dimmadome but jokes aside, this has been his breakthrough hit in the US for a couple of weeks now, just hitting the top 40 on Billboard recently, and Mr. Dimsdale’s story is one we often see. He attracts a YouTube audience with cover songs and eventually sees industry attention. This is an original song and… well, wow, this guy can sing. That is probably the intended reaction to this, as content-wise, it’s not great, mostly because it feels a bit too obvious, but I mean, the whole song kind of toys on that boat of bombast, so it makes complete sense. The mix clips in the first verse with a slightly blocky-feeling bass and snaps that actually sound real and then that chorus comes in with the blasts of horns and the clanging percussion that despite the choir vocals, the clamouring of the production… it feels a bit empty, lacking in the actual composition, and I actually quite like that. It works for his raspy belt, the metallic attempt at recreating a big-band feel, it doesn’t feel “complete” or natural and this kind of breakup song where Dimsdale is rendered a broken man actually seems to warrant that sound. It even has a guitar solo that doesn’t deviate much from the chorus melody sadly but adds some needed grit before Mr. DImsdale really hits that note in the final chorus, and yet it doesn’t have a bombastic ending, or at least not as much as it needs. It just slips back out of existence, it’s kind of depressing in that aspect, I suppose. I guess, it’s not great, but I’ll take it.

#50 - “You’re Christmas to Me” - Sam Ryder

Produced by The Nocturns

The grip that Amazon has on the UK Christmas market is starting to be of concern. This is from the SEQUEL to an Amazon Prime-original Christmas film starring all British actors. There is a franchise at work, for God’s sake! At least this is an original song, and I will say this one is on YouTube but on principle, I will still refuse to review it and instead randomly select… “The Rose Song” by Olivia Rodrigo, which is also from a piece of visual media, that being the second season of High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. I have not watched that because, to put it bluntly, I’m not 12, but I’m sure it’s decent enough Disney sitcom fluff and you can definitely tell that Rodrigo still actually wrote this character’s songs, it wasn’t a screenwriter here, as it’s very much in the vein of her own solo work. It’s got similarly wordy moments, the actually pretty beautiful rising pianos amidst a shaky falsetto in the chorus, and none of the floaty over-production or attempts at grit that were on GUTS, despite one of her actually most impressive performances yet and a wonderful string swell that definitely sounds Disney but hey, there’s a reason why Disney still hits all these years on. The song’s content is about realising she’s more than what she is to this guy, who doesn’t seem to value her as a partner or really, human, and whilst it does go into clichés occasionally, it does it tastefully and with the power you can expect from a really good O-Rod ballad so… yeah, surprisingly enough, I really like this. It’d definitely be better than whatever Sam Ryder pushed out, at least. If I’m wrong, I don’t care.

#48 - “Body Moving” - Eliza Rose and Calvin Harris

Produced by Calvin Harris

I really didn’t expect Eliza Rose to grab a second hit after “B.O.T.A. (Baddest of Them All)” but I guess handing over most of the production duties to Calvin Harris is the best way to do so, and with sadly no relation to the Beastie Boys song, we have a song that feels pretty separate from “B.O.T.A.”, even if Rose has the same… interesting delivery and pretty terrible lyrics, which absolutely did not ruin that song, in fact they added to its charm. I’m not sure if I can say the same with this one, which just feels… random, for lack of a better word. The drums are all over this, layered to skitter and clatter over places where I feel they shouldn’t be, we have a whispery vocal loop from Ms. Rose in the back of the mix but still way too loud, not that you can hear it over the horn blasts that honestly don’t even sound in key, even if they probably are. They don’t build up effectively to a drop either, which just kind of crashes in with again, an overly-scattered set of metallic drum patterns, and Rose being interrupted by those gross, blaring horns. I like the keys and strings added in that second verse, probably the only real resemblance to “B.O.T.A.” here, but it doesn’t bother much with that atmosphere, neglecting it for the sake of a bombast that isn’t there. It really just doesn’t feel like anyone was in the same room making this, and it really is a shame because this collaboration on paper should have been way better.

#26 - “You Broke My Heart” - Drake

Produced by Vinylz and FNZ

Out of all the songs to chart from Drake’s deluxe edition of For All the Dogs, subtitled the “Scary Hours Edition”, it had to be the one perhaps least representative of those six new tracks, which mostly consist of sluggish, paranoid jazz-rap rambles, most of the time eschewing the need for an actual drum pattern and using endless loops for some of Drake’s most self-aware yet least sobered writings in years. For the record, I like all of them, but I am partially glad that say, “The Shoe Fits” or “Stories About My Brother” didn’t chart because they’re heady, conscious and introspective tracks, whilst this song… it’s the relapse. It’s the full circle moment where Drake gives up on trying to contextualise everyone and everything around him, resorting to monosyllabic chants in the bridge - or “hook” at a stretch - and barely landing on a coherent flow over a cascading sample beat, that seems to go for the same drumless, hypnotic feel of the rest of the bonus tracks, switching between samples of Major Harris and the Supremes before the bait-and-switch into a hard trap beat wherein Drake can just flex and dismiss instead of the bitter breakup balladeering of the first verse, back in the mode of For All the Dogs. Now why do I actually like it? Well, it’s silly, it took me by surprise, it does a good job placing the murky, desperate “Stoned Love” sample from the Supremes - which peaked at #3 in 1971 behind George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord” at #1 - against the almost rage-esque beat where OVO protégé Smiley provides… juicy ad-libs. He eventually gets back into talking about his ex but it’s in these whispered yells and rants that are just comedy, it’s a fascinating listen to me, maybe not as good as “Wick Man” or the more lyrical tracks I mentioned earlier but very much still in good fun. It won’t last past this week, though, as Yeat will come back like Superman to rescue the UK Singles Chart from… Smiley, I guess.

#12 - “exes” - Tate McRae

Produced by Ryan Tedder and Tyler Spry

Well, that next Tate McRae album is coming sometime soon and with the help of pop songwriting giant Ryan Tedder, she’s definitely in full “pop girl” mode, and this time without an obvious Timbaland sample to back her up. And surprise, surprise - the song is not great. It’s hard to take McRae’s sing-songy chorus and fake laughter seriously when Dua Lipa does the same conceit a lot better and a lot sexier on “Houdini” whilst trying less, as Tate moves on with guys very quickly and keeps memorabilia of all of her exes even if the relationships mostly meant nothing. It’s a shame that this is awful, genuinely, like it took a while but this is driving my insane. Why do we have a random  blend of instruments functioning as the monogenre melody, and none of them mixed to be a focal point? Should I be focusing on the muffled, cheap and jaunty acoustic guitar line (which sounds especially terrible in the outro), the airy keys or the reverb-drenched rubbery vocal loop that is mixed in the chorus so it’s nearly as loud as Tate, who just sounds terrible because bless her, she’s not the best singer, and definitely not the most emotive, so she can’t sell this dead-on-arrival song with a rhythm that decided to add trap skitters for basically no reason when a more bass-focused funk groove or even a drum and bass backing would make this hit much harder. It sounds dated on arrival too, like this is something that Selena Gomez would have picked up in 2019, and McRae going for a semi-rap delivery sometimes just sounds forced and gross, especially coming from someone void of personality and full of Auto-Tune, and ESPECIALLY on the half-time trap breakdown in the second verse that made me have to stop the song just in shock of how insufferable it was. It never truly progresses either outside of layers of synth nothingness and vocal harmonies that basically register as Auto-Tuned whining baby noises from the back of the mix. God, this is just shockingly awful, especially from veterans like Ryan Tedder. Get this away from me before I start noticing more things to hate about it.

Conclusion

It should be obvious, Tate McRae gets Worst of the Week for “exes”, which is by and far the absolute worst song that debuted, and sadly, I do have enough disappointment to give the Dishonourable Mention to “Body Moving” by Eliza Rose and Calvin Harris, it is quite a shame. As for the best, we do have two great hip hop songs here, which feels good to say in a year that has been kind of lacking for mainstream rap. Drake gets the Honourable Mention with “You Broke My Heart” but the Best of the Week, similarly far ahead, goes to JID for “Surround Sound” featuring 21 Savage and Baby Tate, I really hope that one sticks around. As for what’s on the horizon, we’re safely in holiday territory now, so expect more of that. For now, thank you for reading and for once, I’ll see you earlier than next week. Stay tuned.

[kittyandco]

All the even numbers for the Halloween Self-Ship asks with Dio! -dzvagabond 💚💜

@dzvagabond THANK YOU SM

2. is your f/o from a horror movie/game/series? if not, would you make an AU where they were (like a vampire AU or something similar)?

this is an interesting question because some people wouldn't really consider jojo as part of the horror genre, though each part has horror elements present, but i think part 1 definitely fits the label. that's one reason i love part 1 so much, because it's really just a simple vampire story (just a little more, you know... bizarre). with only 9 episodes, it tells such a juicy, dramatic story that i resonate with so deeply. i LOVE phantom blood, it is easily my favorite, and it deserves all the love

so yes, part 1 dio is definitely from a horror mini-series, if i had to be extremely specific. part 3 dio is... something Else but jojo is also something else entirely by part 3 (i still enjoy it but it won't hit the same as a victorian vampire story. nothing will top that)

4. what would be your f/o’s favorite horror/halloween themed film?

i'm sure dio would like the classic universal monster movies!

6. do you and your f/o attend any parties/festivals/other events? this can be either for halloween or just for celebrating the fall season!!

i would honestly love to 👉👈 i love being Known as his betrothed so i'll take any excuse to go out together akksjkdjmdf

8. if your f/o is from a series that has a special halloween episode, please tell us about it and how your s/i fits into it!

I WISH I WISH I WISH I WISH though i feel like episode 2 where dio finally becomes a vampire would kinda count because it's giving EVERYTHING without explicitly being a halloween episode

my s/i doesn't really play a role in that episode; it all falls apart in episode 3 tbh 😔 that's when she Finds Out For Real and... i'm not even complaining. being a vampire's wife is on my personal maslow's hierarchy

halloween self ship asks

[mak3itr7ght]

pair: Seokjin x fem!reader (The astronaut x Over the moon au)

genre: platonic relationship, fluff.

Movie: Over the moon

'And then... here comes Chang'e, he shone brighter than ever on that stage.. and his voice? Better than a siren's.'

My big sister Fei fei was telling me for the umpteenth time about her trip to the moon... yes, I call her big sister, but we are not actually simblings. I was still a child then, but, I hardly believed in that kind of stories, after the trauma of discovering the non-existence of Santa Claus... Fei Fei was the only one who spoke to me when I moved to China with my mother, that's why I cared a lot about her. I loved listening to her story, and the great thing is that even her brother was agree with her journey on the moon, at that point, I was forced to do it too, even though I didn't believe it.. Yet it seemed so real and full of details, that bizarre story. The goddess Chang'e and the two winged lions and, the city of Lunaria...

'Oh.. now I have to go, Y/n, dad needs me! See you tomorrow, and be careful when you get home, okay?'

I nodded, Feifei also loved me so much, he showed it by worrying about me. Returning home, I discovered a red bicycle, left in an alley. It seemed like it was just bought and never used... maybe the child who received it didn't like it..

I observed it but, not knowing how to ride it, I went home, leaving it there.

I passed in front of that alley several times in those days and I didn't say anything to my mother or to Fei fei about that bike.

One day, however, curiosity won out and I took that bicycle, deciding to try to ride it, I got on the saddle and tried to move.. But.. The fact that my first ride was done on a downhill.. wasn't the best.. Going down, the bicycle picked up speed, I was unable to brake and

BOOM

I crashed into a pile of wooden boards in front of Fei fei's father's restaurant. If she hadn't seen me, maybe now I wouldn't be able to tell this story.. Since then, the trauma led me to be afraid of bicycles.. Just seeing one, gave me goosebumps.

About a year has passed since that incident. My arm was completely healed and the wound I had taken on my head too. That day the Lunar Festival was approaching, we were all sitting around the table eating and telling each other stories! At one point, however, observing the moon, I thought I saw something similar to a shooting star, but bigger.. actually I should have made a wish.. but then, I didn't wish for anything, everything was fine.

After dinner, Fei fei and I decided to go for a walk near the lake, it was our favorite place, especially when there was a full moon! We sat on the dock, just to get a better view of the night sky. I have always loved the stars, the moon, the planets! I find them so fascinating and mysterious.

'You know big sister, before I saw a shooting star in the sky..'

'Really?? Did you make a wish, right? It has never happened that in this period there were shooting

stars'

I thought about it, and actually Fei Fei was right, the period in which there are shooting stars is August... we were at the end of September. I was perplexed for a few seconds but then, I didn't pay much attention to it.

Just before I was thinking about the mystery that resides in what is above our heads.

'Well.. I think it's time to go home, Y/n, let's go'

'I think I'll stay a little longer, don't worry, I can go home by myself ahaha'

'Okay... i'll trust you ahah goodnight Y/n'

I smiled and stayed there, looking at the moon.

'Maybe there was a desire... I would seriously like to overcome that trauma...and be able to ride a bicycle...it may seem like an almost useless desire, but if I wasn't afraid, I could definitely go out on a bike with Fei fei and panic wouldn't come to me the right moment I see one..'

As soon as I finished saying the sentence I heard a noise coming from the woods... I jumped and, looking in the direction of the noise, I saw a silhouette.

I stiffened with fear, thinking what that thing was. It approached me, and the moonlight illuminated him.. showing, such a boy..he was handsome.. Really..he looked like an alien, with quite long, wavy hair, dark almond-shaped eyes, full lips, light skin and body that seemed to have been sculpted by Michelangelo..

'Hey.. girl, do you know a place where I can rest? I traveled for many time to get here..'

I was taken aback by that simple request.. I nodded without speaking, I was still a 10-year-old girl, come on, that situation was too unusual. I took the boy to a house near to mine, as its owners would be away for the next 3 months.

'Thank you so much, baby girl'

He said, stroking my head. I tried to give him a little smile, but I was quite embarrassed, so I nodded and quickly ran into my house. The next day, I looked out the bathroom window, tried to peek at what our new neighbor was doing.. and I immediately saw that he was talking to my mother, but what struck me the most and that made me dizzy, was seeing that he was cleaning a bike, a bike too small for him.. red.. shiny.. like the one of that time..

I thought it was just a coincidence.. But I had a bad dizziness for a few minutes.

It was the effect that even just looking at a bike made me, sometimes even just thinking about it, caused me anxiety.

While brushing my teeth though, I was thinking about the wish I made the other night.. Who knows if that was a chance to beat that trauma. So I decided to go downstairs and join that mysterious boy and my mother.

'Oh! Here she is, my little girl. Meet our new neighbor! His name

Is'

'Seokjin, Kim Seokjin, nice to meet you, baby girl'

Said the boy, winking at me.. as if we hadn't seen each other the day before.. But, actually, forgetting the detail of running away last night without saying a word...

'I am Y/n'

I said smiling, looking Seokjin in the eyes. It had something different.. I turned around hearing Fei fei's voice, she was in the car with his family.

'Heyyy sis! Where are you going?'

'On holiday! Remember? I will be away for a week!! Don't worry, it will pass soon. Be careful!!' I smiled, glad to see that Fei fei was finally getting along with her stepmother now. But then I realized that her and her stepbrother's eyes widened slightly, looking at Seokjin. I didn't have time to ask for explanations, because the car left immediately.. but, in hindsight, I should have already understood everything, but in the end, I was still too young.

'Well, Y/n, would you like to give Seokjin a tour? I'm going to do the shopping, today you will be a guest to us and I won't accept no!' Mother was keen to give the best possible hospitality. Meanwhile, I turned to our neighbor, but my gaze kept resting on the red bike behind him.. And Seokjin had noticed it well..

'Do you want to ride it?'

I swallowed, already feeling the anxiety rise up in my throat. I ho indietreggiato un po' i backed off a bit.

'N-no.. thanks'

He nodded and smiled at me.

'Don't worry, when you're ready, this bike will always be here.. well, shall we go for this tour?'

It was embarrassing to talk about my trauma, but strangely, Seokjin didn't let me feel embarrassed. I smiled at him and took him to visit the town.

'How long will you stay here?'

'I don't know.. let's say.. as long as it will be necessary'

.. He had a vague answer to my questions.. sometimes even strange.. I liked him. It intrigued me. We had lunch and spent the afternoon outside.

The absence of Fei fei was bad, especially in the evening.. I was looking out the bathroom window while observing the night sky, as usual.

'Do you miss your friend?'

I jumped, hearing Seokjin's voice out of nowhere. I then realized that he was right in front of me, looking out from the balcony of his bedroom..or rather, that of the couple who were on vacation.

'Are you able to read minds?'

'Maybe..'

He said to me and then started laughing, he had a rather peculiar laugh.. but funny. He remained silent, observing me for a while, and then he turned to the moon.. He even started to sing a melody, he had such a sweet voice, he rocked me, so much that I fell asleep leaning on the window. When I opened my eyes it was morning, I stayed all night in the bathroom.. the song that Seokjin sang to me was almost a lullaby for me.. I haven't slept so well for a long time. I got ready and went out, since Fei fei wasn't there anyway, I decided to take a walk and my eyes turned again towards that red bike that the sun lit up even more.

'Are you going to ride it today?'

Seokjin liked to make me scare every time.

'Mh..'

I hesitated, almost stiff with fear.

'Let's do this, I'll hold your hand, and you at least try to touch the handlebars of this beautiful bike, okay? As long as I'm here, nothing will happen to you'

Mh..it was strange..and to tell the truth, despite being a little girl, I didn't believe him much, but something told me to trust him. So I did. He took my hand, and I tried to take the bike by the handlebars. I hesitated a bit but I succeeded..

'Do you want to try to get on the saddle?'

I thought that if I really wanted to make my wish come true, I had to work hard too. Seokjin kept holding my hand and so I got on the bike. And.. I really felt like my fears were starting to slip away from me. Seokjin gave me security, it was as if he himself was balancing that bicycle.

'I think you've already made huge strides for today, haven't you? Tomorrow-'

'I want to try to pedal at least up to the mailbox of my house, over there'

I could do it, and I didn't want to stop right at that moment, in which I had all that courage and so I did. I started pedaling..

From that day I felt as if a weight was slowly leaving my body. And Seokjin was constantly by my side. I began to think that it was a certain guardian angel who came to help me make my wish come true.

It was only a week but I became so attached to him, and to his "strangeness". On Sunday evening we went to the pier as usual, to look at the starry sky, Seokjin seemed quite thoughtful, more than usual at least.

'What's going on?'

I asked him.

'Baby girl, I'll have to leave soon..'

I jumped, sprinting straight up.

'I told you I'd stay as long as necessary, didn't I?'

He was right.. but hearing those words made room for a huge emptiness in me.

'Do you want to ride again on the bike?'

He changed the conversation. But I understood it .. despite being young, I knew that he was sorry and did not want to make me weigh it.

So, along the pier, I started pedaling with Seokjin who, as usual, held me. I was no longer afraid, as long as he was with me.

We got to my house..

'You saw, Seokjin! We did it-'

I turned around, but he wasn't there to hold me, there was no one.. I panicked so I went back on the road, back on my bike , all the way to the pier.. Seokjin was right there, sitting, with such a genuine smile on his face, it made all my worry go away.. rather, I understood why he was smiling.. it was the first time he let me go, but, even without him, knowing that he was with me even if not physically, I was able to overcome My fear for all intents and purposes. I ran to meet him and hugged him, starting to cry, tears that was neither of joy nor of sadness.

Maybe that's what TRUE happiness.

'Do you have to leave?' I said among sobs.

'I can't bother you forever, can I?'

'What are you saying! You turned my life upside down'

'But baby girl...'

He said stroking my head.

'You are still a child, there will be a lot of things that will try to scare you, and you will have to face them'

We stayed all night hugging each other, in silence, on that pier, with the light of the full moon illuminating us. It was a moment that forever engraved my life. Probably, towards dawn, I fell asleep in his arms and woke up in my bed at home. I ran to the bathroom window and tried to see if Seokjin was looking out, as usual, ready to shoot one of his morning jokes, but he wasn't there.. I looked towards the garden and he wasn't even there.. he truly was gone.. and I already missed him so much.. At one point I heard a horn

'HEY LITTLE SISTER WE'RE BACK!!'

It was Fei fei, but strangely, it didn't relieve me much to see her, although I was happy with her return. From that day on I frequented the pier even more often in the evening, almost every day, even when I was ill. In the hope that Seokjin would reappear. Years passed, around 8 or 9, I started university and this took me away from my hometown. Feifei had grown up, she finished college before me and was soon to get married. And now what was the memory of Seokjin almost seemed like just a dream I had as a child.

'MY BABY IS BACK'

'MOM!!!'

I ran to hug my mother after being away for about 2 years, I have 15 days off from university, in Los Angeles, and I took the opportunity to come and visit my mother, Fei fei and everyone else.

'Little sister!!!'

'Big sis!! Good to see you!'

'Tell me, how is university going?'

'Do you want to go to the pier? We'll talk about it there.'

We went to the dock and it looked just the same as I'd left it.

'Tell me, have you met your Houyi? Eheh'

'Again with this story of the goddess of the moon? Mh.. I don't think there is a Houyi for me, you have found yours, Fei fei..but for me..it's hopeless'

'Come on you're still young! There's someone special in store for you too'

'If you say so..I think my Houyi escaped from me so many years ago..'

I never spoke to her in detail about my relationship with Seokjin, I just told her that it helped me with my phobia.

'Mh.. you know, the goddess Chang'e told me to suggest you take a look at your garage'

I looked at Fei fei even more confused, this story of the goddess Chang'e is haunting her even more than when she was younger. Those two weeks went by quickly, and one day, before leaving, the very words of my "little sister" came to mind, I went to the garage and in a corner I glimpsed that red color, that red that had now somewhat lost its shine, that bike was covered by an old beige sheet but I could see a part of it. I finally took off the sheet and spent a few minutes contemplating it. All the best moments of that magical week came to my mind, the last week of September, I missed Seokjin terribly.. even if it was only for one week, it remained imprinted in my life. At one point, between the spokes of the rear wheel, I found a crumpled piece of paper. I opened it and it was nothing more than a drawing, made by myself at the time, of Seokjin and me.. I had drawn it with an astronaut suit.. Yeah, he told me he was a sort of traveller, a traveler of the stars, so the figure of the astronaut immediately came to mind. I shed a tear looking at that drawing, badly done, but full of love.

When it was evening, I decided to go alone to the usual pier. I watched the sky for hours, when at one point, just like that time, I saw a shooting star.. This time I was sure what to wish for.. so I closed my eyes and whispered my wish. As I finished, a dazzling light sliced through the sky. It made me gasp, but after that phenomenon, nothing else happened. The next day, I said goodbye to everyone and walked towards the train station. When I returned to LA, on the way home, I passed by the desert, the sand was illuminated by the twilight, looking at that landscape, I remembered the melody that Seokjin sang every evening. I closed my eyes for a moment and thought back to my desire, once they opened, I felt something attracting me in the middle of those sand dunes and hills. I asked the taxi driver to stop and leave me there and albeit with some confusion, he helps me get my suitcase out of the trunk. I began to walk and to sing that melody in an ever louder voice, until I sang it at the top of my lungs, at a certain point, again that lightning in the sky brought with it a roar that made me lose my balance.

'SEOKJIN WHERE ARE YOU?'

I screamed at the top of my lungs. But nothing... this time too. Disappointed, I decided to get back on the road and try to look for a ride to home. A quarter of an hour passed, when I saw a van stop just ahead of me, I heard the rider that invited me to get on board. But first I looked out the driver's window and.. there I almost heard Chang'e's voice tell me "Here is your wish".

I Smile.. and then get on board.

'So…where should I take you?'

'Wherever you go.. my astronaut..'

[mystistoria]

"You must have me confused with someone else.'

AS SAID BY VARRIC TETHRAS 

Yes, that was a strong contender for what likely had happened, no? He made Cynthia feel as though she was looking into a very bizarre mirror, one you'd perhaps find at a carnival or other street festival.

She felt however as though he was trying to escape the conversation somehow. She didn't have many living relatives she knew of anymore- not since her grandmother passed away a few years ago, and she couldn't remember the last time she saw someone who had this much similarity with herself, even if only superficially. As far as she knew, for her family, Cynthia was the end of the line.

"Are you sure?" she asked finally, after thinking for a few seconds, "I understand if my question has caught you offguard. You merely remind me so much of someone I knew."

[lesser-mook]

“It’s A Gundam’s” video is flawed: Do NOT reject comics for MANGA

Reject Comic Books Embrace Japanese Manga

One hand, yes, being belittled by your media is a deal breaker, that “toxic masculinity” shit being said when women being toxic is a thing too. 

Yes, cringe identity politics is cringe. Agreed. 

Yet having double standards doesn't help the credibility of said opinion.

IE. While he rightfully criticizes modern comic creators being fetishists? Living out a fantasy- 

X-Terminators #4

He conveniently misses the part where Mangaka do exactly that, often, consistently, too often, regularly actually. SO regular it IS the culture.

His reasoning is selective and biased because you have to ignore the same issues in Japan's media to say people should use it as an alternative, while criticizing "Fetishists" & other issues in the West in the same breath.

Giant Ojou-Sama, i swear to God the entire Manga is just her ass in the goddamn camera & Sebas (her companion) commenting how big her ass is.

I felt like i was reading a bizarre Deviant Art entry.

Another day, another Macrophile being a cringe factory on full display, but you see THIS author projecting their brain dead fetish isn’t a problem even though the sexual pandering gets in the way of what could’ve been a solid, wholesome, funny Superheroine story.

What SHOUD be funny situations are absolutely held back by the Author’s imaginative limitations and lack of restraint, having to revolve everything around a Giant Rich Girl being Giant and her ass is in plain view, that’s his fetish, so that’s the manga.

But you see it’s not a Trans woman, a Lesbian or a Gay man, it’s not political- so it’s either 100% okay or nobody knows this shit even exists (lucky them); So the double standard doesn’t exist because you don’t know what you don’t know right?

Not cringe at all, despite my wanting to cringe so hard i poof out of existence.

Thus the title of the video is bullshit: 

*Do NOT abandon comics for MANGA*

Just because current content is trash doesn’t mean there aren’t things to read that's been published already.

Point being, he should’ve specified which manga by genre that people should be turning to, just telling people to just to “Embrace Manga” is reckless because Manga is a mixed bag as well.

As i’ve demonstrated with Giant-Cringe Sama, vs a good Manga like Bokurano, which everyone should read.

Which ironically has an underage pregnancy involving a teacher because OFC, cause Japan amiright? Babies having babies, jfc.

I apologize for the spoiler, but i need to enforce the point. I won't spoil who it is though.

Or something Ecchi and actually funny:

Desert Punk (aka Sunabozu)

Too many genres to just say, "Leave comics, embrace Manga for the sake of Manga, because...MANGA!"

The main difference is aesthetic, but both have their own cultural deviancy issues.

I see he has Ochako in the thumbnail like she's prominent or even a main character yet MHA is one of the most incompetent reads i’ve been on.

Its a narrative embarrassment.

What it does right is backtracks on because the Author is afraid of change if it means mixing the formula. Status Quo-

And how is that any different from Comics? It’s not different.

Because that same character barely gets anything to do until its barely plot relevant (where the most she’s gotten to do since the Sports Festival & Jaku Raid was give a goddamn speech in the most contrived situation possible chapter 325 was fucking hilarious).

She’s not afforded a w when its organic. Barely involved in what’s really going on like Todoroki & Bakugou, always a sideshow.

NOTHING LIKE Katara who is consistently involved, or getting active in the action.

Ochako is rarely allowed any real W's like the male characters. Urakaka's been under-utilized and sidelined horrendously for 6+ years now.

*The Maxx is a better book with a better/more compelling female lead in just the first 3 issues vs all 350+ chapters of My Plotarmor Academia*

All the good comics have been published already, and some gems slip through in current day as well. 

You just have to stop getting caught up in Youtuber melodramatic anti-woke hysteria and actually look for yourself,  Action comics #1040 (2016) is an excellent Superman comic.

1930s to year 2000s+ 70-80 years worth of material, why pretend that doesn’t exist or invalidated because the industry is going through a rough phase right now and then hype up Japan like they're the paragon of storytelling when the best they've got is making it nice to look at but are just as corrupt.

.

All because mangaka/anime can draw/animate worth a shit (regardless if the writing is shit or not) it just looks pretty and can not be political about it. 

*Which is what this is really about, not the quality of writing, but the politics.*

Not that Japans pandering is any better, not that it's any good, or not creepy, it's just not woke. That's all the issue is.

Cause if you had a Trans woman in a comic but she had the physical complexion of Mirko, Lucy Heartfilia or Lady Slan and drawn sexy as shit by an artist worth a damn. 

And infantile like a baby looking for the approval of her male romantic interest 24/7, can cook, docile, feminine. Absolute waifu matierial:

People wouldn’t be bitching and moaning at the same frequency because people don't care about writing as much as they do looking at something well animated/drawn.

That’s the bare minimum to win people over. Pandering.

And Japan knows this and panders accordingly, but that’s not a problem: 

Furthermore, many mangaka are too pedophile for me to take most manga seriously these days.  But again, it depends on the genre.

Mitsudomoe’s Author is a woman, the Anime & Manga are hilarious but some of the jokes lean too far into pedo territory ( Marina Sugisaki is an open predator/ PEDOPHILE)

As you can tell, this toxic leniency with pedophilia is an across the board a moral bankruptcy issue in Japan. 

i’d rather deal with a cringe coming out story that i can meme, than deal with yet another casual pedophile adult in a story involving 12 year old children.

That aside, I’ve watched the show twice, it’s gross, it’s wholesome at times when it’s just the main 3 girls and their Dad. And it’s peak. 

#SingleDads

Fact is, a lot of these Japanese content creators aren’t projecting their real life experiences to tell a good story, like Stan “The Man” Lee:

 Instead too many of em are projecting their kinks and regressions to live out some fantasy just like these metrosexual weirdos in the West.

*Its pathetic artistic bastardization deviancy on both sides. 

The Anti-Woke camp just seems to conveniently ignore the one side of the coin to complain about the other.*

Sexualizing middle school kids constantly in books, and Japan as a society does NOT give 2 shits.

*Hoozuki no Shima* is a good read, when it's not a creepy pedo fest. 

A literal child, 11 year old, is highlighted for: Panty shots, nudity, changing clothes, in the bath buck ass naked, shot of her bare ass, getting caught naked by another kid, having NO panties on in multiple scenes, teacher finding her naked then taking off her panties to sniff it hence how she lost her panties in the later scenes etc.

An eleven year old little girl. (Hoozuki no Shima, Chp 3, if you can stomach it, i PROMISE you this is not a Doujinshi.) Written by a grown ass man.

But Bi-sexual Superman sales is what we’re nitpicking? That’s what has our attention...

And the manga was only 27 chp but the Author found the time to exploit this 11 year old child character in mostly all instances, one of her first 2 introductory shots in the manga is her dripping wet in the ocean from the waste down, school gym uniform. 

How do we know this? The author made sure to give us a view of her ass in both shots, & some thigh gap in the 2nd so we could see what she’s wearing.  (CHP1)

ELEVEN YEARS OLD.

But your biggest concern is a TRANS Woman in a DC comic with a Trans flag on a baseball bat?

Are you kidding me? (Is it cringe, YES, but i’d take that over a grown ass bastard sniffing a 11 year child’s panties, with the insinuation being he’s doing to deflower her)

One panel is literally supposed to be a serious revelation of a plot threat for one of the boys, Kokoro, but that 11 year old little bottom is just in the frame, not her face, her little butt. (Horikoshi might’ve taken notes from this)

I bust out laughing at how desperately creepy and unnecessary this was, this is what happens when talented creeps assume their audience is as damaged as they are:

But the premiere concern in the video is a weird segment about women roasting a dude for having a piss fetish. Is it weird, yes. Does it top the insinuation of an 11 year old mute child getting raped, while unconscious? You tell me.

And yet, nobody in the anti-woke camp panics about that, or brings it up i nthe comments because most of your Manga/Anime Palate is:

Seinen

slice of life

and A LOT of that Shonen garbage.

They don't even know these examples of Manga being a scumbag paradise even exists, cause despite the vocal opinion some people have, most of us have very little experience and exposure in the media we're hyping to death. 

But roasting fetishes in the same breath. 

And i’m not even woke, I agree with the guy but the double standard is what’s hurting my intelligence.

The guy goes on a tangent to shill Demon Slayer, not Monster, not Gunslinger Girls, not Noir, not Blue Gender, not Moribito the Guardian of the spirit- but DEMON SLAYER

Normie bro, fuckin normie.

Most people don't read the in-between genres and it shows, because if more people had that exposure, we as a collective would know his entire video both has a good point but full of bullshit because it's overlooking a media problem to complain about a media problem.

*I can read Power Pack 2006 trusting the author won't dedicate a panel or two to the youngest member Katherine: 8 years old showering or showing us her panties, a character commenting on how soft her skin is, hitting on her older brother, or bending over for a shot of her ass, because culture.*

I just need a good character driven story. That’s it. 

And you can get that with already made Comics, abandoning comics for Manga is idiotic.

You don’t need to whore out teenage/child characters to tell a story, but that’s exactly what Japan allows.

*This is why i say specify the Manga genre.*

Because NOT ALL MANGA is pedophile bait but too much of it is to say abandon the west content and ignore the clear issues JAPAN has just because identity politics is spooky to you-

But actual creepiness in Japan's subtext somehow doesn’t compare to a Trans Woman or you conveniently leave that part out to shill for Japan’s industry.

Point being, there are good Manga/Anime (MONSTER, Hokuto No Ken, Ah My Goddess, or Psycho Pass, Bokurano, Getter, Gundam, Evangelion, Junji Ito’s Collections) but not all of em are bangers nor are free of their fair share of Authors being weird; The same logic you're criticizing Comics by, hold that energy to how scummy and creepy Manga & Japan is, and still is.

*There's a trans person being corny in a DC comics so lets bitch about that, but instances of underage kids being objectified in stories, belonging to a society and culture that sees no issue with grown ass men fighting for the right to make Child porn legally & clear instances of that attitude is projected into the stories with confidence. THAT's part of the media called Manga that i'm going to endorse to people.*

-Criticize the West media for Fetishes and weird shit

-But endorse the East media, despite their Fetishes and weird shit

When all your issue boils down to is the fact that Manga & Anime look pretty and it's not political, it's all about the aesthetic at that point.

Then you don't have a leg to stand on, because you're not holding both to the same standard.

Criticize one, but glorify the other when what you're shilling has more problematic issues than a trans woman, a Bi-sexual man, or preggy Joker.

That's what most are hung up on, not the quality of writing, not the storytelling, not even the execution. The style points, how it looks, how it makes you feel, and how much of the pandering is what YOU WANT it to be.

100% Biased, selective criticism.

I repeat,

*Do NOT abandon comics for MANGA*

I understand the title of the video is likely to be hyperbole, but even as hyperbole, it’s moronic to say with a straight face.

Because you have to ask yourself: What exactly are you willing to ignore, just to spite your political enemies. 

Because it’s no secret Japan cares very little about Child protection laws in terms of media, so you shill for Japan because no Trans politics but pedophiles are KNOWN for being prevalent in the industry.

Look at My Hero and you tell me Horikoshi isn’t wrestling with his own sexual hang ups, cause i can make all the MY SUS ACADEMIA’s i want but that weird shit i’m mocking is actually CANON.

I repeat, just because current content is trash, cringe or struggling, and it is- doesn’t mean there aren’t things to read that's been published already.

Go back in time, and find the literary Goldmine. 

Image comics, Marvel, Darkhorse, DC, Wildstorm, Indie’s is all there.

300 is Darkhorse Comics owned.

Not all of it’s 9/10′s but just because it’s not new, doesn’t mean reject it because the modern is bad for Japan’s stuff like the older better shit doesn’t exist.

[sylvctica]

@abyssmalice ➤ unprompted

tiny toni and elder toni have left a festive gift! jointly, the two have left a hand-knitted sweater for sylvie. the color is an obnoxious furchia dye, courtesty of the younger one. and the actual knitting was done by the older one, using a type of fibre painstaking synthesized from a bizarre irminsul experiment. the elder toni has also taken the time to write a neat little card explaining the gift and its purpose, tucked carefully into the turtleneck collar.

      Honestly, they weren't expecting gifts—yes, yes, holidays and all that, and even they had grabbed small gifts, but the expectation to have them given in return wasn't too much there. Not that they were going to look a gift horse in the mouth, hands gingerly taking the sweater and letting their thumbs slowly smooth over the fabric to admire it and feel the quiet hum of irminsul deep within the fibers. The note was soon found and read, a deep chuckle rumbling in their throat.

      If the young one thought that the pink would look silly, she had a different thing coming. Their shirt was taken off and nicely folded—soon to be replaced by the pink sweater they'd happily parade around for the holidays ( and err ... truthfully on other occasions too, it's quite a heartfelt gift ). They'd make sure to wear it next time they met up ... and maybe bring some blueberry muffins.