#yes fiction effects reality you fucking assholes

[snekdood]

yall love making the internet completely hostile and unusable for abuse survivors and im tired of it.

[theliterarywolf]

Shumammu!anon can attest to mainly hitting up pr0nhub for Hitomi (and hoping half her vids were less extortion happy than they seemed), and that damn 'too cheap for content screening, assholes ruin stuff for everyone' effect. Especially as it plays right into the hyperzealous censor brigade's hands.

I just... don’t get why this keeps happening with these types of sites, man. It’s either they always get too lazy to actually manage their communities or they get too lazy in maintaining their sites and they go under. Or they just end up getting cheap.

So you always end up with sites that start out decent and end up hosting people who put up actual rape content or CP or you end up with sites that get run into the ground so hard due to lack of management and lack of fiscal management that it’s been almost a decade since they were last functioni -- God DAMN it, this whole debacle managed to remind me of what happened to y!gallery. And that site was fucking shit.

And, yes, it really just gives more ammo to people who think that all NSFW material, both fictional and real-life stuff, leads to abuse and exploitation. When, in reality, a good percentage of people who watch/read hentai, write/read erotica, or enjoy/draw smut don’t even venture out to find real-life stuff and, if they do, it’s never anywhere near the messed up stuff. 

[dyketubbo]

intro post (cleaned up a bit.. again!)

basic summary: my name is dyke/eyez/circus/mask/whatever you wanna call me, im a minor, im nd and a qpoc, i use any pronouns but he/him (and dont like masc terms, including bro, dude, guy, lad, stuff like that), and im apart of a system.

dni if youre against any kind of minority (includes racists, terfs, truscum, queer exclus of any kind [yes, even mspec lesbian exlus], etc etc), support ccs like schlatt uncritcally/actively like him, are nsfw, ship irl ppl (even ones that are okay with it), do x reader stuff with ccs, truth ccs at all, believe fiction doesnt effect reality/are a pro shipper/anti anti, or dont tag triggering things like zoophilia n stuff. dont be romantic or sexual towards me at all, and dont talk about touching me w/o asking. also dont interact if youre fine with those kind of ppl and actively interact w them (only exception to that last one is if you interact w ppl who like cc!schlatt, idc about that as much as long as theyre critical of him)

i like benchtrio the most but keep up w/ everyone best i can and like analyzing and drawing. im really sensitive and kind of an asshole so. bare w/ me if i lash out or am too much or something.

currently we have small intros of us per member on a page (/systemstuff) but dyke n grass will talk the most (mostly dyke). ty for reading, i hope you have a nice day and if its late for you, feel free to go get some rest. if its daytime, go eat!! or hydrate if you havent.

follows/likes and stuff will come from @/cottonskittles, reblog/like spam is ok, i dont care how people interact w me or my posts as long as they dont breach my boundaries, i think thats it but feel free to ask questions if u need clarification. more stuff under da cut

hi howdy just some more in depth stuff

im bad w tone so like. if you make fun of tone indicators or think theyre unnecessary/annoying (unless talking about excessive use/people using them as an excuse to be mean n stuff) probably dont interact w me because while i can interpret messages w/o them my own tone is often unreadable so i use them for the sake of others

story wise wise i usually look for benchtrio stuff, but i also try to keep up with everyones lore! theyre all important to the story in some way :]. however due to the themes surrounding them c!dream and c!schlatt make me uncomfy, and i only receive secondhand info abt the torture stuff bc its uncomfy too. also im personally critical of c!techno and i know that esp bothers a lot of ppl so yknow. warning to stay away this blog might piss you off

dni wise dont be a bigot. if youre against minorities of any kind fuck off, dont follow if youre nsfw or make nsfw content of childrens media, uhmm for personal sake regarding themes on the dsmp remember to like. tag cult stuff, drug use (esp underage), zoophilia, pda, and cannibalism if ur gonna follow me. tyyy. also dont follow if ur uncritical of some of the things various ccs involved have done (this is vague bc i know theres misinformation on dream and techno specifically but theres still shit thats actually been done and of course uh. the whole schlatt situations), and generally dont follow if you outright like cc!schlatt (c!schlatt likers r fine). like im not gonna make a big deal out of it but i will at the very least softblock because he makes me. really uncomfortable. you can interact n stuff just dont follow. dont interact if you use the new pan flag its gross and ugly and i dont agree with why it was made. and dni if youre a pro shipper (even if its to cope- find better coping mechanism thanks im a survivor and it makes me relapse to even think about pro shipping, actively romanticizing pedophilia, incest, age gaps, etc in media and then pretending like its just shipping discourse is Fucking Disgusting and i hate it), and dni if you like genderbend stuff it makes me uncomfy

also this is specific but if youre nonblack and weird about aave i will fucking murder you. n if you make suicide jokes please at least tag them. if you tell people to seriously kill themselves or joke abt "do a flip" or w/e or find that funny then dont interact w me at all

non dni wise w/ boundaries dont use masc terms for me, dont like.. talk about kissing me or flirting with me or anything, dont call me smart or a good person (just a personal thing. you can use synonyms if you really want), ask before talking about touching me, i have mirror touch so when people describe physical touch in any way i can feel it and thats uncomfortable. dont call me a liar, anddd dont make too many sexual references w/ me. keep it to the level thats like, present in beeduo streams but dont talk to me about kinks or anything even as a joke. finally make sure to tag things w /p if you mean it platonically around me, its for comforts sake. feel free to talk or message or ask for other socials or whatever idc about any of that

thatsss all for now. i do analyses ig, also art. have a doodle of my sona to tide u over under this paragraph. sorry for rambling, im not good at summarizing my thoughts and i have a lot to say. ok thats all thank you if you got this far and read it all i rlly appreciate you /gen. i was milfsmp but i didnt want to take the chance that someone would call me milf as a nickname

[theartofbeinganeldar]

The Art of Being an Eldar: Legolas x Reader Prologue

Summary: You're a fantasy-loving, LARPing human from this world, who's the black sheep of society because of your obsession for the unreal and alienation of what's real. When you're in the middle of a LARP battle with some pretty phony boars, you fall out of a tree and bust your head. You wake up, alone, and are suddenly attacked by some very pissed-off, very real wargs. Without any idea of how you got there, you got dropped into Middle-Earth, with only bits and pieces of memories of Tolkien's masterpiece, though your recollection of everything else is perfectly clear. And of all places in Middle-Earth, you got dropped into Mirkwood, with some suspicious, potentially hostile, Woodland Elves...

Chapter No.: Prologue

Key: [Y/N]=Your Name [F/N]= Friend's Name [B/N]= Bro's Name [S/N]= Sis's Name [M/N]= Mom's Name [e/c]= eye color [h/c]= hair color [s/c]= skin color

Notes: So, this is my first fanfiction on tumblr, and I'd thought I'd try it since I have very little time for DeviantArt's chaos. It's much different from my Legolas x Reader on there. I added a small loving family to make the emotions relatable-- even if you don't have siblings, or have more than what I added, it's just fanfiction! Also, I tried to make my pronouns for said reader gender-nuetral so that everybody can enjoy it! The reason your character is so wild is for the sake of not fitting in to this world, yet you're used to it, so that later points in the plot can become more... Well, you'll see. And yes, I made Elves pansexual because I don't think they'd care much about gender or age at that point. LARPing plays a big role in the prologue, because your character is really into it for personal reasons. If this isn't your cup of tea, don't drink it. I hope you like it! Feedback, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Warnings: Fluff, angst, graphic depictions of gore and violence (Cuz of orc battles y'know?), more angst, slow burn, some light depression in the first few chapters, some amnesia about Middle-Earth because the Valar say you're not supposed to have foresight, hard-core language, feels, lots and lots of feels, mentions of NSFW content, maybe some eventual NSFW content, LGTBQ+ characters, Thranduil being a jackass at first because he's fabulous, Legolas being a hot edgy prince that nobody can handle, Kili being an innocent bean, Hobbits being smol innocent beans, except for Bilbo 'cause he's been through some tough shit, Bard being dad of the year, Thorin being one dumbass boi, awesome dragons, awesome Nazgul, awesome scenery, awesome stuff in general, Elrond isn't listened to by anybody, confused Aragorn is confused,  Denethor's a bitch as always, brace yourself for creepy as fuck Cream of Wormtongue Grima Wormtongue, Boromir lives, Gandalf. (yes these are all legit warnings don't judge me.)

Pairings/Ships: Legolas x Reader, Legolas x you, Aragorn x Arwen, Faramir x Eowyn, Thranduil x Elvenqueen, Galadriel x Celery Celeborn, Boromir x OC, Thorin x OC, Fili x OC, etc. general LoTR standard shippings plus some of my own cuz I can't stand my boys being lonely

Word Count: I try to keep my chapters short, under 2000 words.

Rating: Teen (14+) for now

You'd never been considered normal by anyone. You enjoyed LARP instead of reality. Your "job" was just staying at home and captioning videos all day every day you weren't LARPing instead of interacting with society at a normal job. Your home? A tiny studio apartment that only cost $450 a month without bills, and you did without cell phone, car, and electric for the sake of being your weird self. You hadn't been to college yet, despite the fact that everyone told you to go once your gap year was over, and it almost was. What would you even study? Acting was all that got you close to who you were, so, ok, guess that's fine, but nobody else thought of that as a career. Maybe you could write fiction-- you were good at that much.

You weren't always like this. There was a time when you were just a normal kid, living a normal life. But somewhere around ten, you started to change, and by sixteen you'd become who you were today. If the Old You could see the New You, you weren't sure if they'd think you were weird too, or if they'd stare up at you in awe.

Hopefully it was the latter, which made you feel good.

I mean, come on, were you born in the wrong timeframe or what?! That's what you thought, anyway. There's no way that this world was for you. The fact that nearly all people were heartless jackasses that enjoyed destroying the planet, the fact that everybody had to be the same or were considered freaks, prejudice and injustice were key factors of life and the rich got handed everything on a silver platter while the poor had to scavenge... Just, everything of this reality made you hate it. If only you'd been born five hundred years earlier, or, y'know, in Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings...

You'd really liked to have been born in Middle-Earth. You had so many books about it, you knew practically everything there was to know, even the confusing shit about Faramir being in the Fall of Gondolin. You'd practically memorized Elvish, and dwarvish, and you knew the whole six movies by heart, every line. And of course, like most Lord of the Rings fans, you had a massive crush on a certain Elvish princeling who was too pretty for his own good. In fact, Legolas was who inspired you to learn archery; maybe one day you'd be as good as he was.

Despite your wishes, you were stuck in reality, however much you hated it

. Even amongst your LARP groups, you were considered outlandish.

Everybody else had normal lives outside of their games, whereas you pretended this was your life. You didn't have any job aside from the small caption jobs you did when you weren't LARPing, no social life, nothing. The only people you had was your mother, brother, sister, and your only friend, [F/N]. They accepted you and your strange fantasies, even if they thought you'd one day regret acting in a way when you could've been beginning a normal life and being productive.

So excuse you if you decided to invite them to a LARP event and let them borrow some of your costumes. It wasn't the end of the world. But your LARP group apparently didn't get that memo.

"You invited your mom?!" A royal asshole sneered, yet you took satisfaction in the fact that his knight costume looked like it was made of cardboard painted silver, whereas your sci-fi Elf getup was actual leather and cloth. His name was Jacob Brent; you'd never really liked him. He'd always had it out for you because your costumes were so much more fabulous than his. Plus you may or may not have actually known swordplay and archery and dagger throwing and martial arts... Kinda. You were still in the process of learning kickboxing.

You cocked a sky blue-- yes, sky blue-- eyebrow to your equally bright blue hairline, spiked up in a short faux hawk. This was your first sci-fi Elf, and you'd wanted to go all out. A cocky grin split its way across your face. "Yeah, so? It doesn't effect you on any level, Tin Can."

He sniggered with his cronies. "I can't believe you don't have anyone else to come with you." He mimicked rubbing his eyes like he was four. "'Oh Mommy, I need somebody to come with me!'" His whole group burst into laughter.

You surprised them by joining in, actually appluading. "Oh, wow! Wonderful, just wonderful! Hey, should I tell Mindy that I seen you feeling up Roxie behind your fort last week?" He paled, and almost everybody in his group of crappy cosplay got 'o' faces. You put your hands on your hips. "Guess what, asshole, just 'cause I'm close with my family and you're not with yours doesn't make it a crime to hang out with them. It's my life, my decision, and I enjoy spending time with them." You hefted up a disappointingly fake spear, turning to walk away. "Oh, and by the way, your paint's chippin' off."

Reason for Hating Reality Number 6, 965: Immaturity levels are almost incomprehensibly high.

Your mom glared daggers at Jacob's Immaturity Harem. She'd always been a tough gal, always sticking up for you when you got bullied when you were younger, but now that you were an adult, she had to let you kick ass yourself; you were pretty good at it. "I don't like him." She stated casually, and you chuckled.

"'Course you don't. He looks like a cheesy robot costume you'd get from Wal-Mart with a too-big crotch protector that's not impressing anyone but himself, and he has the face of a roasting pig. Too tanned, too grubby, and always with something in his mouth."

She smiled slightly. "Has he always been giving you trouble?"

You swung your gear pack off of your shoulder, letting it yank itself down to earth. "Since the day he tried kissing my ass 'cause he didn't know me." [F/N] must've overheard that last sentence, because he burst into laughter when he approached with your brother, [B/N], and your sister, [S/N]. "You talking about Jacob?"

"Sure as hell."

You'd first met [F/N] a year ago, when you'd joined extra-curricular activites for your last year of high school. He thought your personality was incredibly brave, especially in this modern world, but even still... He was just a friend, not a best friend. You'd never had that luxury outside of your tiny family. You just didn't trust him after the life you'd had.

Unfortunately, it seems they didn't like the getups. "Do I have to wear this?" [B/N] asked dramatically, slumping over. He didn't look right in the pauldrons and leather breastplate.

"It's too heavy!" [S/N] complained.

You sighed theatrically. "My piteous children, deal with thy armor, for it must be worn despite thou complaints."

[B/N] pressed his palms together and bowed down. "Screweth thou, false companion."

You mimicked his bow. "Off to hell with thee."

"Hey! You guys! It's starting!" [F/N] cried, and ran off, his pack of weapons and magic bags trembling dangerously on his back. The rest of you followed more slowly, as you explained to your family how exactly LARPing worked. Battles weren't actually bloody, magic was just colored powder, you get points for a hit, and so on and so forth. [B/N] and [S/N] got it immediately, but your poor mom, who hadn't even ever played Skyrim, had no idea how the point system and leveling up worked. You had to explain it six times over before you'd reached the massive gathering of LARPing cosplayers. [F/N] returned to you as you reached it, carrying a map. "We were in Larsgyushter Prairie last, right?"

"Duh," You shrugged, at the same time [S/N] asked with a grimace, "Luckyestire Prairie?"

[F/N] inclined his head. "Well, I made some arrangements because your family joined us. We made for Glewnburg, where we picked up their characters, and then headed into the Elder Woods."

You took the map. "Sounds fair enough."

[S/N] frowned. "What exactly were you guys doing last time?"

[F/N] blushed; he must've liked her, which made you feel proud and like pummeling him all at once. "A quest to defeat a horde of wildebors in order to get a good amount of gold."

"How much?"

"Four hundred."

Your mom seemed confused. "Is that a lot?"

"For the land of Sisgremor," You retorted, "Not much. But it's enough for us. We hunt for food, and sleep in the woods. It's summertime, so we don't have much need for shelter unless it storms, and we know where to find caves. The coin is for some new bits of armor, and some weapon upgrades and a couple of magic books for [F/N]."

"Oh," Your mom said, and you took the lead, getting into your Elven character with a huge grin on your face.

"Come, my children! We must meet the bors by midday!" You ran off, but you didn't miss the looks over half of the LARP community gave you.

~le time skip~

The one thing you didn't like about LARPing was the enemies. They weren't believable and were crappily dressed, at least in your community. They were crappy actors and their dying acts were unrealistic. Unless they were orcs that had good makeup skills and good cosplay, they weren't worth fighting, but you had an imagination to kick them up a notch.

As always, the wildebors were just some guys in black outfits decorated with needles, and wearing pig masks with an underbite bearing tusks. Your imagination knocked them to eight-feet long beasts with bloodstained tusks, wild red eyes, and porcupine-like needles that shot out of their near-impenetrable hides if provoked.

You'd only fought these beasts once. They had three separate healthbars, each a different strength: eight hundred, four hundred, and one hundred. Your spear-- the only weapon you could afford after your bow snapped (Poor prop craftsmanship.), had a damage rate of ten health per hit, thirty if you could make a three-combo move (The highest combo move allowed.).  [F/N]'s magic bombs, bolts of energy, and other magic stuff only varied from ten to fifty health damage per hit, except for his Fyrering, which was a once-a-day power that was ninety health damage, plus a three minute window of burning which took ten damage every thirty seconds.

The boars were also viscious; one hit from them took around fifty health, and at level nine, you and [F/N]'s health bars were only at two hundred and fifty, plus your armor rating of fifty and his of twenty. Your family, however, were only at level one, with a one hundred strength health bar each and armor ratings varying between ten and fifteen.

In short: that meant a hell of a lot of hits, very little openings, and there were always numbers to consider. There were six of them, and five of you. If you had your bow, this would be easy. You'd climb a tree, avoid their needles, and fire your twenty-five damage arrows relentlessly (With the thirty plus bonus from your actual bow.) while [F/N] pelted them with magic. You could take down two, maybe three that way before retreating, waiting for your strength to regenerate and your undamaged arrows to "respawn" before coming back for more battling (The arrows don't actually exist, for safety reasons. You had to wait for ten minutes before an approximated number of arrows, determined previously by the quest-giver, "reappeared" in your "inventory.").

But you had to think of a new plan. A brand new plan. You had three level one novices, two level nine intermediates, and six angry-as-hell wildebors that were level twenty. This was an impossible quest. You should never have accepted it knowing your family was coming.

You were hiding behind a huge oak, and glanced around it; for a split moment, you saw the crappy actors, but your mind quickly fixed that. Above and to your immediate right, [F/N] hid behind a mound of boulders up on a hill, and you'd positioned your family similarly. You just couldn't see them. [F/N]'s hand waving caught your attention. Frantically, he pointed above you. You whipped your head up, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. You gave him a look like WTF dude, and he rolled his eyes. He picked up a rock as an example and pointed back up into the branches, but still, you didn't see anything. He gestured again, almost forcefully, and this time, you seen it: brightnuts, a specialized kind of walnut bred specifically to explode into a bright white light on impact, with dangerous shrapnel and poisonous fumes that had one hundred and fifty health damage.

Of course, in reality, they were just blue and white beanbags hanging in nets rigged all over the branches, but you pretended they weren't.

But still, perfect.

You'd start calling out orders as soon as you started throwing them. [F/N] knew how to improvise to a plan already, but your family didn't. You propped your spear up on the tree, and started climbing, wincing when the bark scraped your palms; you were wearing what'd used to be white bridal gloves, but you'd tinkered with them to match your costume, sewing sky blue patterns into the gloves.

You personally didn't make a sound, but a couple of leaf-covered branches fell; luckily, wildebors were mostly deaf and blind, so you should make it to the top of the tree without any consequences.

You flashed [F/N] a triumphant smile when you reached the topmost branches, snatching a bag of brightnuts and holding them high above your head. He shot you a double thumbs-up, then made a wheel-like gesture to get you to move on. You stuck your tongue out at him, then readjusted yourself on the branch to get a good aim.

A few seconds of struggling against the knot, and you'd gotten the net open. With barely a minute of hesitation, you drew your arm back, and fired. Your aim was almost perfect. You hit one of the wildebors in the side, and you seen the actor as he started the most over-acted reaction you'd seen yet: a violent jump, then what sounded like a deranged "Guuuugh!" You rolled your eyes. So dramatic.

Either way, [F/N] whooped behind you. "Hit! A hit!"

Before you could give any orders whatsoever, [B/N] charged down the hill with his realistic-looking wooden battleaxe bellowing a war cry. You slumped over. "Aw, shit."

In the blink of an eye, [B/N] was officially dead but still pummeling the poor actors, your mom didn't know what to do, [F/N] didn't realize what was happening from behind his rock, and [S/N] was dodging air like a boss. You waited on the branch until the coach of the actors stood, took off his mask, and blew his whistle.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You with the axe! You died already! Come on everybody, regroup, come on..." Your mom and [S/N] were laughing it off with a couple of the actors, but [B/N] was having a heated argument with the rest of them, and they were starting to shove each other around; he'd always been a sore loser. The coach separated them, and [F/N] called to you from below. "Guess we failed this quest, huh?"

You shrugged. "It's all good. There are other, less dangerous quests."

He perked up. "Yeah, so hurry up and get down here! We've gotta get back to Glewnburg!"

You tossed the beanbag you'd had in your hand back into the net. "Comin'." Unfortunately for you, you were a bit of a show-off. You stood, stretching your arms out for balance, walking quickly and carefully across the bough. A loud snap that echoed through the forest silenced everyone: your sudden movements had weakened the branch down the middle, where a split was slowly cracking open.

"Oh shit." Did I have to choose the top branch?

Everything seemed to be in slow motion as you fell. Your ribs exploded with pain as you slammed into a slightly lower branch full-force. Your ankle snapped. Your arms were whipped and bruised. Your head cracked painfully across the thick, unmoveable base of one branch, and white and yellow dots burst in your vision. Your sight started to fade, as did the pain, until you met the ground with a dull thud.

I should've went to college.

~time skip~

When you woke up, the first thing you realized was, Hey, I woke up! I'm alive! which was immediately followed by, Holy fucking shit what the fucking hell did I break, then a much more painful thought of Why the fuck am I still in the goddamn forest? 

And you were. You were laying on your side, in a couple of very small but still immensely terrifying pools of drying blood, one of which came from the corner of your mouth. Your entire body throbbed painfully. Every breath you took caused sharp, white-hot pains to spiderweb across your entire torso. Your ankle was burning up, and you couldn't move it or your left arm. Your head felt like you'd been hit by a truck. A truck made of solid wood...

Why were you still in the forest? You knew your mother well enough to know that she've panicked. She'd've screamed your name and ran to you and called 911 immediately. [F/N] would've done the same. In fact, there was no reason why they wouldn't have called for a medic. You fell from the equivalent of a three-story building with poles sticking out of it.

By all accounts, you should be near death.

So why were you still in the forest, exactly where you'd fell?

With immense effort, you rolled onto your back, panting heavily and wincing against the pain. Your vision swam, and things were blurry. The trees were different; the tree where you'd fallen from was tall and branchless for most of the way up, and definitely not an oak. To boot, there weren't any nets full of beanbags, and your spear was gone. Behind you was  a cliff with an outcropping of rock that looked similar-- but not the same-- to the one [F/N] had been behind. There were roots and underbrush and bushes and walls of thorny branches surrounding you, and in between the ground was filled of orange and gold fallen leaves; up in the canopy, which hadn't been as thick before, the leaves were all dressed for Fall. You stared at it in confusion. "What the hell?" Shit. Even that hurt.

Where were you? Why weren't you in an ambulance with the sirens blaring? You were pretty positive you'd broken quite a few bones, and from that fall, you couldn't not have internal bleeding. So where were you?

You waited, but no one came. When the sky started to darken and the pain began to worsen, you were forced to move, slowly getting up, inch by inch, until you'd managed to be in a sitting position. It felt like all the blood rushed from your head and torso, making you cold in the evening chill. You hugged your right arm to your chest, really wishing you'd've worn arm cuffs or something; your short, high-collared, sleeveless, sky-blue leather jacket over a thin white crop top and a black corset-style belt really weren't meant for chilly weather.

"Hello?" You called out. Your voice carried on, but you got no return call. Blood trickled down your chin from where your lips had rebusted; you were lucky you hadn't bit your tongue off or shattered teeth. "Hey! Help!" Still, nothing. "Hey!"

After a twenty-minute bout of screaming for help, you gave up. You were confused-- so, so, confused. Where were you and why were you here? Where was your family? Where was [F/N]? Where was the coach, and those shitty actors? Hell, where was the rest of the LARP group? You'd even be relieved if Jacob appeared out of nowhere.

The moon had risen by the time you’d made it to your feet. Your ankle wasn't as bad as it was earlier; you could put some weight on it now, even if it wasn't a lot. You must've only sprained it. You tried calling for help a few more times, but only the crickets replied.

Then, they went silent.

You frowned. In books and movies, that was usually a bad sign. What'd caused them to shut up so abruptly? Not aliens, you hoped, like in Signs.

A low growl from behind you-- behind you, dammit-- made your skin crawl. A chill ran down your spine. You turned, slowly, hoping you wouldn't aggravate the wolf or coywolf or whatever it was; it wasn't either of those.

It stood on top of the small cliff, and it was at least the size of a horse. A boar-like coat, dull brown, covered its entire body, spotted in places. Its head was broad and massive, bearing an underbite of fangs and small beady eyes. Drool fell from its jaws as it snarled at you. You were half tempted to try the "Nice doggie" before you seen the rider.

Damn, it was ugly as hell. Small, malformed, with dark green skin and a crooked nose. Greasy, thin hair hung from its wrinkled scalp. Nasty claws protruded from its wart-covered fingers and dug into the horn of some kind of saddle. It sneered with an evil grin, and a mouthful of sharp teeth.

You didn't know what else to do; you took off running at full speed, ignoring the pains shooting up your leg from your sprained ankle. Branches and weeds whipped your skin, trailing blood. You glanced back once. The monster-- which you knew was an orc-- and the giant dog that you couldn't place the name of watched you for a couple of moments more before the orc gave a sharp order in a language you didn't understand, but it felt familiar. Two more of the giant dogs burst from the bushes on either side of the first, and they did give chase. Shit, were they what'd happened to your family? Some whackjob dressed as an orc riding a pitbull on steroids mauled everybody?!

You pushed yourself to run faster. Your heart pounded in your ears. Adrenaline rushed through your veins. Each step jarred your aching body, but you couldn't stop. The dogs were enjoying the chase, keeping their strides slow enough to still be on your heels, but not close enough to get you yet. A new sound-- a river, maybe-- gave you hope, and you tried to move even faster, your lungs burning from the strain.

It was a river you'd heard, but it was down a steep hill filled of arching roots and thorny bushes. You didn't have time to stop; you barreled forward, tripped, and rolled the rest of the way, hurting your body even further. By the time you reached the pebbly shore (With all of the sharp edges of the rocks jabbing into you unnecessarily.), the dogs were halfway down, the orcs riding them laughing like hyenas.

You couldn't swim, but you'd rather take your chances with the river than with the giant pitbulls. You waded in, and were immediately swept off your feet by the strong current. It dragged you under, and you were bashed into some boulders, getting cut up badly. One slammed into your hip, nearly causing you to suck in. Another rammed into your already-broken ribs, and this time, you did scream, getting a huge gulp of water. A crimson cloud engulfed you as something long and sharp burst through your calf. You were pushed up against another boulder, and you grabbed on, hauling yourself out of the water and hanging on for dear life, hacking and coughing out the water that'd filled your lungs.

The dogs had chased you up the shoreline, and the orcs carried shortbows with arrows of dark wood. A glance down and, sure as fuck, they'd hit you with one in the calf, dammit. You looked ahead of you: rapids, a slow and drawn-out death. Ahead of you, probably a very painful death, but hopefully it'd go faster than drowning while being battered to a lifeless corpse.

I should've gone to college.

You squeezed your eyes shut tight and braced yourself for the next arrow, but you were pretty much forced to open them again when you heard the sound of dogs yelping and orcs wailing. One of the dogs was dead, neck slashed open and pouring blood onto the rocks. It had landed on its rider, who struggled beneath its weight. The other dog had taken off, but its rider had an arrow jutting out of its face.

A troop of warriors, clad in forest-colored tunics of dark browns, greens, and grays had appeared in the second you'd closed your eyes. Every one of them had long, straight hair, braided away from their faces. Most had a quiver of arrows and a longbow, but some, like the one who'd killed the dog, had a curved longsword. Others still had long knives. Compared to the dark orcs, these people seemed to almost be made of light...

Oh shit.

Elves. These were Elves.You could see it clearly now, in the way they carried themselves: regal, majestic, every move perfectly balanced and smooth. Their ears were pointed, but not drastically like the ones from Zelda, and they were taller than most average men. You were in awe.

These were some damn good actors.

No, they couldn't be actors. That clicked, finally. Especially when you were able to see the one that'd killed the dog slice off the struggling orc's head cleanly and deftly before kicking it into the river. Thankfully, it didn't come near you.

Shit. These were real orcs, real giant bloodthirsty dogs, real Elves... This was all real. But how...?

You heard the sound of a bowstring being pulled taut, much closer to you. You couldn't exactly whip around in your current state, but you still moved as fast as you could. Another Elf, standing on the flat rocks halfway across the river, no less than thirty feet away. How the hell did he get there?!

After the initial shock passed, you realized there was an arrow nocked in the bow. You'd already felt one once in the last ten minutes, you didn't need to feel it again, so you stayed still. He watched you with eyes so blue you could see them from where you were. He was illuminated from the side by the moon, giving him an almost ethereal appearance. His hair was somewhere between platinum and very light blonde, and a quiver of orange-feathered arrows hung over two identical sheaths for ivory-handled long knives. His bow was almost as gorgeous as he was: dark wood engraved with golden leaf designs. His tunic was dark green, and you admired his fancy Elven belts and buckles and bracers for a second before your eyes were drawn back to his face, the profile of which was almost... Dished, in a way, like an Arabian horse's. Your eyes locked, and you felt as if you'd seen him somewhere before...

An Elf on the shoreline spoke, breaking the trance. You couldn't understand what exactly he said; you could've swore you knew some Elvish...

The Elf staring you down watched you for a minute longer, then jerked his bow toward you in gesture, shouting an order to one of his comrades. His voice sounded so familiar... It was on the tip of your brain... It was deep and soft and gentle and commanding all at once. You couldn't explain it. Two Elves followed his order, nimbly leaping from tiny rock to tiny rock to get to where he was, then past him, coming to you. Their weapons were sheathed, so you hoped they were going to help you instead of kicking you into the water or something.

Carefully, noticing how banged up you were, they grabbed you underneath of the arms and lifted you onto the flat rocks the blue-eyed Elf stood on, still ready to fire, and stepped back as you coughed up some water in a delayed reaction to nearly drowning.

When you finished, your eyes felt like they wanted to close on their own. You felt too tired, too weak, too pained... Despite that, you sat up, shivering in the chilly evening air. "Th-thank you..." With a start, you realized they might not even understand English.

"Who are you?" The blue-eyed Elf demanded. "Answer me quickly; do not think we cannot throw you back to the river."

Shit. Pressure. Suddenly you forgot your name for a split second. "I-I'm [Y/N]."

"What are you doing in these lands?"

"I was chased," You looked pointedly at the dog and orc.

The Elf watched you for a minute, judging you... He signaled. "Throw them back into the river." Suddenly, you were being dragged.

Aw, fuck. You struggled against the Elf's strong grips. "W-wait! I don't even know where I am! The last thing I knew I was playing a game with my family and I fell out of a tree! All of a sudden I'm being chased by giant dogs and being manhandled by a couple of Elvish pri--!" You were cut off by a bought of coughing that wracked your body so hard that you doubled in on yourself, pulling the Elves down with you. Your eyes widened when blood trickled out of your mouth, leaving crimson droplets on the rocks. Shit.

The blue-eyed Elf ordered something in their tongue, and the two dragging you halted on a dime. He finally decided to lower his bow a little, inspecting you. "Are there more of you?"

You shook your head; you were getting dizzy, and your vision was blacking out. "I-I don't know... I was alone when I woke up."

The Elves conversed in their own language for a few minutes, and the blue-eyed Elf finally came to the conclusion that you weren't much of a threat in your current state. He looked to the Elves on the shoreline, and gestured at one of the ones holding you, who then scooped you up bridal style, but like you were the ugliest bride he'd ever seen. "Und win'doheim!" Shouted the blue-eyed Elf, obviously the one in charge, and lead the progression back to the forest.

I should never have gotten out of bed today...

Despite the crazy situation, you managed to doze off a few times on the Elf that carried you, until a coughing fit or pain would wake you up. A fever spiked up as you crossed a bridge, and you were half out of it as you entered some kind of woody building surrounded by trees and rivers that you couldn't comprehend very well in your feverish state. You were panting and wheezing, and couldn't see straight. It all seemed so surreal, like you were viewing this from somebody else's perspective. This had to be a dream... A very vivid, very painful dream...

The last thing you remembered was Elvish chanting, golden and white lights surrounding you, and the silhouettes of the Elves. Your pain faded, and you fell into a forced sleep.

When you woke up, a breath of relief whooshed out of your lungs. It was a dream! It was all a dream! It was night, and your nighlight had gone out, but your hall light was still on. You turned over to see what time it was, but your nightstand was gone. So was your window, and shelves and desk and computer and all of your things. Your bed was different. Your relief dissipated to terror.

Fuck. It wasn't a dream.

You were in a small room. An orange-hued light came through the low doorway, and the dark walls were ridged, as if carved from the earth itself. You felt the remains of your injuries from earlier-- or days ago, you couldn't tell how much time had passed-- as throbbing remains. Your clothes were still ripped and bloodstained, and as you stood up, it felt like you were just coming off of the flu.

Wobbly, you staggered over to the doorway, hoping to find somebody that definitely wasn't an orc or Elf.

You slammed face-first into elaborately crafted iron bars.

Outside of them, fully-armored Elves patrolled on small ledges beside the spiraling rows upon rows of cells like yours. This was a dungeon.

...Well shit.

Tag List: @tesserphantom​ @thedragonghostofmordor​ @taurlel @hauntedsiriel

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

You can have fluffy lbgt+ stories and people can criticize them too. Omgcp deals with being closeted in professional hockey and college hockey. If purposefully features and unrealistic more inclusive world. That's great for many lbgt+ people but many other lbgt+ people have note that the lack or realism unfortunately means the story unintentionally makes light of and does not address homophobia in college sports. That was the issue not the strawman argument the author is selling.

1) what Ngozi was experiencing a year ago was not “criticism”, it was virulent HATRED.  It was not justifiable, it was not ok, it was wrong and despicable and uncalled for.

2) Check Please was specifically designed to be softer and more inclusive than reality, yes.  While there is some homophobia, it’s largely in backstory and largely our POV character is supported and loved.  That is a decision Ngozi made that is a VALID DECISION TO MAKE when telling a queer story. 

3) Stories that touch on homophobia but also don’t make the setting as cruel as it actually would be are not “making light” of fuck all.  That’s like saying “an author saying ‘my female characters will literally never be raped, even in a situation where in real life they probably would’ is making light of rape and rape culture”.  No.  You know who benefits from softer, more idealized, more inclusive-to-queer-people worlds in fiction?  QUEER PEOPLE.  Not every fucking story needs to have realistic hateful responses to gay athletes or whatever.

4) Just because a story might deal somewhat with actual issues that exist, from the POV of the kind of person that issue effects, doesn’t mean the story needs to be 100% true to life.  Especially when “100% true to life” means cruelty and fear and anger and possibly even violence.  If there are queer or LGBT+ people out there who are against the idea of stories that deal with homophobia but in a softened way so as to not be too negative or depressing, then they are fucked up and i do not want to know them.

5) Ngozi was not setting up a “straw man”.  Ngozi was repeating things that i personally saw being levelled against her and her story a year or so ago.  I literally witnessed people saying these things.

6) you are an asshole

[bigskydreaming]

hi, im new to reading actual comics and i just read the court of owls. this was the first time id ever seen bruce actually hit dick—does that happen a lot? i was honestly shocked at it. and bruce never apologized. im trying to understand why bruce would do that—why do you think? i dont think the comic was glorifying it at all but it was still there and im a little dumbfounded as to why the writers thought that was appropriate to put in there. what are your thoughts?

Its shitty writing. That’s the ultimate answer. Every instance of Bruce’s kids ever has been an instance of shitty writing, because it never gets addressed or followed up on, and its not like there’s EVER a good reason to write a father hitting his kids unless you’re specifically centering the kids and trying to write a story of abuse and learning to recognize and accept that yes, this is actually happening to them now what do they do with that awareness and understanding....and let’s be frank, that’s not a story that DC has ever desired or intended to write with Bruce in the position of that father.

So flat out, no equivocation, every instance of Bruce hitting his kids ever, has been shitty, unacceptable writing, no matter the context or the follow-up, because the end takeaway at the heart of the matter is always, always, always, that whatever each writer’s actual intention when writing those scenes, they definitively did not ‘intend’ for it to be seen as abusive.

But that means jack shit in terms of whether what was actually shown on the page, was in fact abusive. Which has been the case, more than once, and with more than one of his kids.

So unfortunately, he has been physically violent with Dick on more than one occasion, in which there was no chance of it being spun as mind control or like, them fighting as equals because of some story position or whatever, where it was just definitively, a father hitting his son for his own emotional reasons or whatever. It happened after Jason’s death, it happened in the Court of Owls arc, it happened after Dick briefly died and was resuscitated in Forever Evil and Bruce was trying to get him to go undercover without anyone else knowing he’d survived yet. There have been a couple other times where the two of them have come to mutual blows in a fight that started as just a verbal argument, but I tend not to focus on those for a number of reasons but tbh, mostly just because its an uphill battle getting people to address even the times when its most clear that Bruce is without a doubt unjustified and dishing out abuse that is in no way reciprocated. There’s no real chance to even get around to the scenes that are complicated by additional layers.

And again to be clear, this kind of shit writing isn’t just limited to Dick. Bruce has been physically violent with Jason ever since he came back as the Red Hood in more than one altercation, with there being the flimsy justification in some of these stories that well, technically Jason is ‘the bad guy’ and Bruce is just doing what he has to in order to stop him....but with more than one instance of Bruce being overly violent with Jason in ways that he isn’t with even some of the worst criminals or villains in other stories, thus making it impossible to interpret as anything other than Bruce’s aggression being heightened by his emotional turmoil at Jason’s actions, the fact that he’s fighting his own son, Bruce’s own issues, etc, etc....

Which ultimately all just boils down to...Bruce is violent with Jason and to degrees that he isn’t with even his most notorious villains, and his own emotional state is the only explanation possible, which makes the over the top nature of Bruce’s violence in these scenes outright abuse, no matter the existence of the ‘well Jason technically was doing something that Bruce was trying to stop, it was more of a hero vs antihero thing rather than a father vs son thing’ attempt at spinning it otherwise. Notable and notorious instances of this are Bruce’s way of ‘finishing’ things in UTRH, RHATO #25, etc.

With Tim, the only real instance so far has been Batman #71, the King written bullshit I spoke of, and tbh I’m still so steamed at his attempt at justifying that, like, just read the latest issue to see the full story there because I refuse to even dignify that particular bit of abuse apologism with a paraphrasing.

And unfortunately, Bruce has definitely been written being emotionally abusive with all his kids at various points or another, with again the real culprit usually being dumbass fuckferrett writer assholes who wouldn’t know how to write a healthy parent/child interaction if your Higher Power of Choice directly appeared in their room, shining with benevolence and full-on “Do Not Test Me On This”  wattage, and then handing them a script that word for word laid out how to write out a healthy parent/child interaction for the scene they were beginning....like, they’d STILL find a way to fuck it up, that’s how bad these particular writers are at recognizing This Is A Good Action and This is A Bad Action, Bad, B-A-D, DON’T DO IT.

And the thing is, that’s not Bruce Wayne at his core characterization. I don’t believe it is anymore than even the most die-hard Bruce fan, which I most decidedly am not. I’m here for his kids, he can stay when he’s doting and on his best Dadly behavior, but he’s always on thin ice with me at this point and on his own, I’m usually just like meh, wouldn’t adopting an orphan right about now be a better use of your time?

But for sure, Bruce absolutely has been written as a good parent in canon as well, and has everything he needs character wise to constantly have that portrayal of him upheld and prioritized instead of his worse traits but like. We have definitely gotten Bad Dad Bruce in canon, and more frequently than any of us would like....which is where we usually turn to fandom, for fix-its.

And there’s lots of Good Dad Bruce Wayne in fanfics. Its even its own tag. And I have no problem with most of those fics in spirit, or the concept in general, I’m just very opinionated and knee-jerk about abuse apologism across the board, so I mean...if it were up to me, I’d much rather normalize tags like “Bruce Wayne Can Be A Good Dad” and “Bruce Wayne Can Be A Bad Dad.” I don’t generally like broad-sweeping declarations made about characters that no one person can ever ensure consistent characterization for, so no matter how understandable the intent, I object to the idea of Good Dad Bruce Wayne protection squads or tags on the basis of like...how easily that can lead straight into abuse apologism, with people making the claim “Bruce would never do what he did in canon story (x)....because Bruce is a Good Dad and good dads don’t do that.” Well no, they don’t. In theory. Cuz problem is in reality, supposedly good dads do things like that all the time, because nobody IMO is truly good or bad, they just do good or bad things and even a person with a track record of doing mostly good things can occasionally surprise people, even themselves, by doing something horrific.

 And like, when we’re talking about fictional characters I’m all for arguing that something was out of character because with fiction you CAN actually consider a writer’s intent and compare and contrast it with what’s on the page, like you CAN technically say well, the writer SAID in this interview here, that they did this because they were thinking x, y and z....and then you could feasibly point to the actual on the page depiction of that scene and say okay but look at x, y and z here...what we actually got clearly isn’t what they claim they were actually going for, so they fucked it up, it wasn’t even their own intention, so like....I argue that this was out of character and shouldn’t be given too much weight. 

You can’t do that in reality. Impact is what matters. The effect. Not the cause. The intent. No matter how uncharacteristic an up until that point  ‘good dad’ striking their kid is for them....they’re not a character. They’re a person. It CAN’T be out of character, its them that did it, their action that caused the effect of their kid being abused, with no take backs for that, no rewind that will ever undo whatever effect that has on the rest of their relationship from that day forward, or whether they even have one at all.

And people have trouble setting firm boundaries on what they will defend in fiction versus what they will defend or call out as indefensible in reality, it isn’t nearly as either or as a lot of people try and tell themselves it is, IMO....like, my stance tends to be that if you can’t even condemn a fictional character for doing a clearly abusive thing, how do you think you can definitively say you’re sure you’d be able to condemn a loved one for doing a clearly abusive thing? Y’know? Its not as easy to separate as people like to make it out to be, so I’m hugely against abuse apologism in fandom because I think a lot of times....the way we react to these things in terms of favorite fictional characters can potentially end up a training ground for how we react to these things in real life, if they end up happening at a later point.

So I’m very critical of Bruce in a lot of my posts, but its not because I don’t want him to be good for his kids or don’t think he can be written that way....and not even because I don’t get the thought process behind ‘well I don’t view his character as being capable of that when he’s written the ways that drew me to his character in the first place, and this kind of behavior isn’t what I’m here for, it isn’t escapism for me and it just depresses me so I choose not to interact with or acknowledge these specific parts of canon.’

My issues arise from the specific ways a lot of fans attempt to write around these instances of canon, in order to not have to factor it into Bruce’s character and their view and depiction of it...while often times failing to apply similarly transformative energy to the characters Bruce hurt in these instances of canon. And when that happens, its a problem, IMO....because you end up writing Good Dad Bruce Wayne....and his kids who are at times resentful or bitter or argumentative or wary...as they are shown at times to be in canon....largely BECAUSE of those moments in canon where he’s written at his worst and does fucked up things. But without acknowledging those parts of canon at all, AND without similarly rewriting the course of events in his KIDS’ lives as much as you do in Bruce’s himself.....the end result often ends up being that you have Good Dad Bruce Wayne and a bunch of stubborn brats that according to this narrative spin have no reason for being as resentful or bitter or argumentative or wary as they’re being here...since THEY’RE still being written according to their full, overall canon characterization, with no specific chunks chiseled out.

And then of course, my other major issue with abuse apologism in fandom arises from how often fans seem willing to tackle the possibility or instances of Bad Dad Bruce Wayne in order to write fix-it fics and headcanons and meta for the times he’s hurt Jason or Tim or Damian, etc.....but then selectively erase or ignore the instances he’s done similar shit to Dick...because so much of this fandom insists on this take that he’s specifically favored by Bruce and has received special treatment that justifies the others’ occasional resentment of him, and the resentment of their fans for him. So there’s this kinda thing where you end up with a lot of fandom ignoring or refusing to acknowledging some fairly pivotal canon events because Bruce Would Never Do That, He’s A Good Dad.....AND then on top of that you have a lot of the rest of fandom ignoring or refusing to acknowledge some equally pivotal canon events because Bruce Would Never Do That To Dick, He’s A Good Dad To Dick...Its Just Everyone Else He Fucks Up With.

And that kind of selective acknowledgment of abuse for reasons of personal character preference like...get under my skin, BIG TIME. *Shrugs*

[pellicano-sanguino]

Today I went to see a play that’s based on the Little Vampire books by Angela Sommer-Bodenburg. I know, it’s embarrassing for an adult to go see a play for children, but I have a strong nostalgic connection to these books. They introduced me to the concept of vampires and got me hooked on the genre. So, here are some random thoughts about the play.

I should probably say a word or two about the books first. The first book came out during the 80s and after re-reading it a while ago, I must admit some parts of it haven’t aged that well (also, I’m no longer the intended target audience). I will give Sommer-Bodenburg credit for not watering down her vampires into child friendly versions. There are a lot of childrens’ vampire fiction where they clearly just wanted the aesthetics of vampires, not the actual brutal reality of vampirism like blood drinking and, you know, the whole being undead thing. Angela Sommer-Bodenburg doesn’t pussyfoot around the creepier aspects of vampire culture. Her vampires drink blood (except Anna, who hasn’t grown her fangs yet), and they talk about their deaths quite frankly and openly, including that they were turned by their own family members. 

The basic premise is a small boy named Anton befriending some vampire children and them trying to hang out with each other while keeping it secret from each other’s families. The play is based on the first book of the series and I think it’s a pretty decent and quite faithful adaptation. They’ve changed some things, but not much and the plot follows the book accurately.

Not gonna lie, the actor playing Anton was really wooden and fake, like a cardboard cutout. That’s the problem of having grown adults play small children. I know theater is all about suspending your disbelief (like in Takarazuka, believing that the clearly female otokoyaku are in fact male on the stage), but somehow I just have trouble buying Anton’s performance. Doesn’t help that he speaks in a very formal version of Finnish that no child speaks in real life. He tries so hard to make his voice and body language appear childlike, but it’s just not working. 

Rydiger on the other hand is fantastic. He’s quite different than the Rydiger from the books, but I don’t mind. In the books, Rydiger was my least favourite of the vampire children but here he is the best one of them and the best actor in the whole play. Instead of being a bratty, insufferable gremlin, he has elegant mannerisms, pleasant voice and he’s the most reasonable and caring of the vampire siblings. It’s not book accurate, but I approve. I especially like how this Rydiger talks and uses his body language. Unlike Anton, who shouldn’t be speaking in formal Finnish, Rydiger was raised over a hundred years ago and so was taught different kinds of speech and manners. He really comes off like a creature from another time. I love his little hand gestures, and his costume is so stylish and much more nice looking than the ragged gremlin-Rydiger from the books. Despite his adult-like mannerisms, Rydiger still acts like a child, much more accurately than Anton.

I fail to see what this cooler version of Rydiger sees in the boring, wooden block that is Anton. I totally see what Anton sees in Rydiger, who wouldn’t want a stylish little vampire friend. In the books I criticized Anton’s reasons for keeping up his friendship with Rydiger. In the books, Rydiger was a rude little shit, constantly making fun of Anton, stealing his books and being generally a real jerk. I thought, that if Rydiger wasn’t a vampire, Anton would never put up with such a lousy friend. Anton only tolerated Rydiger’s bullshit because he was a vampire and having a vampire friend was cool. Kids, don’t keep up friendships with people just because you like what they are, the more important thing is who they are. Anyway, in the play I can more easily buy their friendship (yes, Rydiger gets his moments of being a jerkface, but not nearly as badly as in the books). The scene where Rydiger teaches Anton how to fly was very adorable. And because the child characters were being played by grown adults, also kinda...  romantic?

“I’m flying, Jack! I’m flying!”

Anton’s parents were your token Normal People (TM) of the show. Both in the play and in the book they make fun of Anton’s interest in vampires, especially his mother (I swear, Angela Sommer-Bodenburg must have had some mother issues). It’s very sad to see parents mock the interests of their child. I know the feeling, it’s one of the reasons I always place the books I read down cover first so that no one can read the cover and call me stupid for liking a book like that. I’m so conditioned to do this, I do it even when I’m all alone at home. Do not mock your childrens’ interests, people, it will have long lasting effects. 

For whatever reason they changed Geiermeier the vampire hunter’s name to...  I don’t quite remember, Kalmankulma or something similar. Anton’s surname was changed to a Finnish name too, and they’ve updated the story to modern times, since they talk about euros instead of marks. But Anton’s family still has a corded phone, and Anna could call them from a phone booth. It’s weird they updated some parts but also kept some things that have become obsolete tech since the 80s. 

Man, did they fuck up Anna. I hated the look they gave her. What is up with that white, poofy hair, she looks like an old granny, not a five or six year old little girl. And why is her dress so short, we do not need to see her legs all the way up. Ugh, and how they failed with her character. Everything good that I said about Rydiger they must have cut off from book-Anna. In the book, Anna is the kindest, smartest and most humane of all the vampire children. The boys are selfish assholes who treat Anton like a fun toy, but Anna actually genuinely cares about the feelings of their human friend. She is also a strong independent young lady who has a fiery temper and will not tolerate any sass from her mean spirited brothers. Her only downside is that she’s a victim of a really annoying childrens’ book trope, namely that whenever there’s another female character around she becomes jealous of Anton and is unnecessarily rude to the other girls. I get it, kids can be bratty and jealous, but can we please stop teaching little girls the stupid lie that all girls are each others’ enemies and must fight for the attention of boys. For fuck’s sake, let girls be friends with each other, thinking they can only be friends with boys is ridiculous and misogynistic!

Well, Anna of the play is not smart, caring or strong (unless you count annoying, noisy hissy fits as strength, I guess). She has turned into a brainless diva, who simultaneously is smitten by Anton and also doesn’t care what he has to say about anything. Why would you do this to my favourite character!? In the books there were some really heartfelt scenes between Anna and Anton. Like, when Anna proposes the idea that when she gets her fangs she could bite Anton and turn him so that they could be friends forever, and Anton makes it very clear that he has no intention of ever becoming a vampire. This saddens Anna, because it means that Anton will grow to be an adult but Anna and her siblings will forever remain children, with no one to play with. These two must come to an understanding that while they like each other very much, they belong in two different worlds and they must accept that it means they will one day have to say goodbye. All things come to an end, it’s only a matter of when and how. So, why wasn’t a meaningful scene like that in the play?

Finally, we have Lumpi (whose name was changed to Leo in the play). I think he was fine, maybe suffering from a tiny bit of overacting, but still an ok performance. He doesn’t get much screentime, because in the first book we don’t get to see him much. Which is a shame because he is my favourite right after Anna. 

If you thought Claudia from Interview with the Vampire was the most tragic of all child vampires, then clearly, you have not met Lumpi von Schlotterstein. He was turned right in the middle of going through puberty. And so, he is doomed for all eternity to suffer from acne, breaking voice and mood swings. Truly, a lamentable fate is his.

Adding Lumpi to the vampire children friending Anton added a lot of dramatic tension to the group. Because of his mood swings, Lumpi was unpredictable and sometimes even downright threatening. Out of all the vampire kids, he had the least control over his vampire instincts and there were several moments where he considered drinking Anton. So scenes with him could be really intense. Also, he was supposed to be the vain kid with style, being especially proud of his long, sharp fingernails that he cared and filed constantly. They took his style and gave it to Rydiger, they took his vanity and gave it to Anna. Well, he still had a nice, red shirt that went well together with his white scarf and black cape.

Rydiger’s grandmother Sabine also makes an appearance. Strange that they added Sabine and not aunt Dorothee, who was the most dangerous, most blood thirsty of all the von Schlotterstein vampires. In the books Dorothee is the one the kids need to look out for whenever Anton’s visiting their home in the graveyard. There’s a scene where Anton has to hide in Rydiger’s coffin because of her and in the play they do the scene with Sabine. Well, maybe they thought any old vampire lady will do. Also they clearly wanted her to be more comedic relief character, not a threatening, blood drinking monster. Just like Dorothee in the book, Sabine commands Rydiger to go back to sleep and he has to cram himself into his coffin with Anton still there. Once Sabine’s gone, the boys get out and sigh in relief, and Lumpi comments “Well, did you take advantage of the opportunity, brother?” Look, I know he means blood drinking, but these kids being played by adults I can’t help but think about gay vampires sharing a coffin. Doesn’t help that Rydiger replies with a disgusted “Of course not! I’m not like you!” Which enrages Lumpi, because “W-w-what are you implying!?” I’m sorry, my mind is in the gutter, but I can’t help it. Carmilla and Anne Rice have made me see lesbian and gay vampires everywhere.

Well, for a small budget childrens’ play, it was a fun show. Wished they hadn’t changed some of the characters so drastically, but overall it was pretty book accurate, which was a relief (I was worried they were going to make a story of their own and just use the characters’ names, like that awful movie version). A nice nostalgic visit back to the first vampire books I ever read.

[the-is13]

Pinch of Salt Pt. 2

Description:  You didn’t expect to be working tonight. It was a regular Friday night, or so you thought. Two beautiful men happen to come into the small pizza joint, one with particularly captivating hazel eyes.

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Reader, OFC’s OMC’s

Relationship: Jared x Reader

Warnings:  None really, cursing? A bit of fluff

Word Count: 1804, not as long but oh well

A/N: So this is my first fic, I read a lot but have never wrote anything. This stemmed from a dream I had. For the purpose of this fic its set in early stages of the boys filming Supernatural. Jared is a bit younger, late twenties. Him and Gen are friends but nothing more. This purely fiction! I mean no harm to J2 or their families, I love them all the to moon and back. Any hate will not be tolerated. Please be kind and let me know if you liked it!

Thanks as ALWAYS to my Alycat even after being sick you still beta for me @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 love youuu 

Part two

*Your POV*

“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING MEEEE!!!!” Hannah practically screeched on the other end of the line, nearly bursting your eardrum.

“No, Han, I would definitely not kid you about this,” you deadpanned.

“How in the world did my best friend manage to meet Jared fuckin’ Padalecki and get his number all in one night?! Girl, did you sell your soul? How is this real?” She questioned

Truthfully, you were wondering the same. No one ever showed an interest in you. Well, except for grabby drunks. Now here you were with a tv star’s phone number and a supernaturally hot one at that.

“Ha, I really dunno Han, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t sell my soul. I think I would remember.” You laughed slightly at her statement of selling your soul.

Hannah had always been a character, it's why you got along so well. She was the crazy to your normal. You were two halves of the same piece. She pushed you when you needed it and you toned her down when she became too much.

When she graduated college with some scientifically geological degree she moved off to Denver to pursue her career, which you still weren't exactly sure what it was, but you supported her through and through. That left you all alone in San Antonio. You were supposed to stay here together and live the dream. Although you were still trying to figure out what that dream was, you were supposed to do it together, just like everything else in life.

But in traditional Hannah fashion, she fell in love with the environment and decided she was going to do everything she could to save it. You were a little sad that she wanted to move away after graduation, but she always promised to visit, even if it had been a little while.

You just missed your best friend. You were too caught up in wishing she was here with you freaking out alongside, that you momentarily zoned out.

“Y/N?! You still with me here?? Heeelllloooo..” She said trying to catch your attention.

“Yeah, sorry Han, I’m here. I just wish you were here with me. You know I miss you and our girl talk.” You said with a bit of sadness in your voice that didn’t go unnoticed.

“Sweetie, I know, as do I. You just need to put yourself out there and make some friends.” She replied sympathetically with a tinge of hurt lacing her words.

“But you’re my friend Hannah.. No one is going to know me as well as you,” You laughed half heartedly trying to lighten the mood, “I’m not sure I want anyone to know me like you do.”

She chuckled lightly but, as always, could see right through your rouse. You could hear her sigh through the phone, you knew what was coming next, she was about to whip you into shape.

“Y/n,“ Uh oh, mom voice, it was definitely coming. “I know I left you for work, but that does not mean you need to throw a little pity party for yourself. I’ve been gone for 8 months! You can’t be a hermit as much as I know you’d like that, you need to put yourself out there.” Another sigh lingered through the phone “I know you’re feeling overwhelmed, you miss me, you miss mom, but I think that you’ve hit a wall and Jaaaared,” She drawled out his name almost seductively, “Is going to be the one to break through it! When was the last time you got laid?!”

You nearly choked on the water you had been drinking listening to her monologue spitting it all over your lap. “Uh-eh, what?! Why does it matter? My love life has nothing to do with this!” You exclaimed.

“Excuse me! Yes it does! You’ve been so uptight since Cole and what was that? Two years ago??” She exclaimed with a hint of irritation.

Getting slightly irritated with her tone you snarked back, “You know very well what me and Cole had was complicated and he’s the one who decided to cheat! That asshole was fucking with her for seven months behind my back!”

“This is my point, you’re wound up, you need to get laid, like now.” She huffed back at you.

“Okay, whatever, besides the point. What in the world makes you think that Jared is going to sleep with me?! He probably just feels sorry me.” Now it was your turn to sigh. “I’m so pathetic and he knows it, I definitely don’t need sympathy sex, and god knows Jared Padalecki isn’t going to give it to me.” You whined.

“Alright y/n do NOT make me jump through this phone and beat your ass!” Hanah yelled at you. “He obviously gave you his number for a reason! Why can’t you just give him a chance? Who cares if he’s famous? Maybe he just wants to have a normal life and maybe you can give it to him?” She questioned.

You really didn’t know how to answer, you never thought of it like that. You had been too wrapped up in feeling sorry for yourself that it never crossed your mind that Jared might want normal. What did that even mean? Normal. Your life was normal, a bit boring, but fairly normal.

A fuzzy voice snapped you back to reality and out of your thoughts. “Y/N! Are you listening to me, like at all?”

You cleared your throat, “What? Of course, Han. I’m always listening to you.”

“Uh-huh, sure.” She snipped back before sighing into the phone once more, “Just give him a chance, please. He might be the thing you need. A friend and maybe even one with benefits at that.”  You could practically hear her wiggling her brows.

“Haaaaan-” You were about to reprimand her for being so vulgar, but didn’t get the chance as your phone chimed in your ear. “Just a sec, I think someone texted me...” You told her, pulling your phone away from your face.

You clicked open your messages wondering who would be texting you at this hour as you glanced at the clock on your phone, 11:54pm. Wow, you didn’t think two hours could’ve passed so quickly, but then again, when you talked to Hannah time always seemed to fly.

Going back to your messages you opened it and screamed out loud which had Hannah effectively screaming on the other end as well.

11:53pm: I really did have a good time tonight, I don’t want to seem like I’m coming on too strong but I really wanna get to know you better. I have to fly back out to Vancouver tomorrow afternoon, but I would really love it if you could join me for coffee. :)  -Jare

You were stunned. You couldn’t even breathe. Hannah yelling through the phone at you barely registered in your ears as your heart was pounding so hard.

“Holy shit,” You whispered

By some miracle you came back to reality. Ignoring the yelling on the other end of the line you brought your phone back to your face.

“It was him..” Was all you could muster.

“IT WAS WHO?? I NEED SPECIFICS, DETAILS, GOD, Y/N, DON’T BE VAGUE!” She continued to scream.

“Jared” You whispered. “I-it was him.. H-he wants to meet..”

“WHAT! What did I tell you?? I’m always right and you know it!” She snarked. “Now what’re you going to say? ‘Yes’ obviously, but you gotta be cool, let's face it y/n/n, you’re two gray hairs from being more lame than Mema, and you knoooow she’s lame. I mean, who eats dinner at 3pm and goes to bed at 6?!”

“I am not!” You huffed. Although, as usual, Hannah was right. You were lame. You didn’t have a life outside of work. You just sat at home and watched Netflix or read a book. ‘God I am so lame,’ you sighed to yourself.  

“Whatever you want to tell yourself y/n/n. Anyways, you need to play it cool, be cute and seductive, but not needy or desperate.” She quipped

“Well thanks for the confidence boost Han,” You deadpanned. “I’m going to let you go so I can think of a ‘witty’ reply.”

“Urg, fine, but you better let me know everything!!” She whined. “Night, love you jerk.”

“Night, love you too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I promise, bitch.” You replied hastily.

After hanging up with Hannah, you proceeded to just stare at the message from Jared. What should you say? Trying to take your friend’s advice in not sounding as lame as you were, you began typing a reply. After almost ten minutes of typing, deleting, and retyping you had come up with a decent reply and you didn’t want to keep Jared waiting any longer since it was already past midnight.

12:13am: Hey, yeah that sounds nice. Wish we had a little more time though. I’d love to get a coffee, there’s a shop down on broadway st, it's amazing! Know the place?

Sent.

“God I hope this wasn’t a mistake,” Saying to no one imparticular as you thought out loud.

Watching the little text dots pop up almost immediately had your heart beating out of your chest.

Chime

12:15am: Yes I actually do know that place, you’re right. It is amazing, and I love their muffins! They’re like as big as your face! Can we meet at 10? - Jare

Oh lord, he was in. He was actually in, he agreed to meet you, again, after the horrible shipwreck at dinner you really didn’t think any of this was going to happen.

Typing a quick reply not wanting to keep him awake, I mean this is Jared Padalecki he needs his beauty sleep. Yes, beauty sleep, you internally sighed to yourself getting lost in the thoughts of how truly beautiful Jared really was.

You looked back down at your phone to make sure the message sent, of course not, so uncoordinated. Clicking the send button you anxiously waited for a reply.

12:19am: Ha, you’re right the muffins are HUGE! 10 sounds perfect I’ll see you there, goodnight!

His text bubbles took a little longer, of course you kept him waiting too long.

12:21am: Perfect. See you then, g’night. Xo - Jare

You read the message over and over until your eyes felt like crossing. He sent you ‘xo’. “X FREAKING O” you exclaimed loudly to yourself.

You quickly sent Hannah a text briefly telling her what was going on. Before waiting for her reply you locked your phone, avoiding another two hour phone call.

Making sure your alarm was set for promptly 7:30am you cuddled up in your bed and fell asleep, thinking of Jared.

You were going on a date with Jared Padalecki. 

A/N: Hope you liked this part. I’m still very new to this. Tell me your favorite part I LOVE feedback since I'm brand new. I will write a third, not sure post date, but maybe sooner than later if I get feedback!

POS tags

@crystallstaircase @squirelnotsam @allaboutthebooz @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @squirrelnotsam

#supernatural rpf#jared padalecki fanfiction#jensen ackles fanfiction#jared padalecki x reader#jared padalecki fluff#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural fluff#jared padalecki and reader#sam winchester fluff#sam winchester fanfiction

[tessatechaitea]

Wonder Twins #6

Every comic book series needs one cover where the bad guy becomes over-sized to crush Earth in their hands.

Looking at Zan and Jayna here, I just realized I could wind up in my sister's body. Gross. Please stop The Great Scramble!

I'm not saying my sister's body is gross (I'm also not saying it isn't! I'm not choosing sides on that debate!). I'm just saying I would be profoundly uncomfortable forever if my mind wound up in my sister's body. I would never be able to masturbate again! But what if I could get my sister, in my body, to jerk me, in her body, off? That isn't weird, right? She's just doing what she always did and I don't have to touch my sister's naughty place (which is now my naughty place?). That's probably the only real solution to this problem! Anybody grossed out by my sex talk can go suck on a dog turd because Mark Russell makes sex jokes too!

LOAD "Load",8 RUN

Superman is super worried about The Great Scramble because he could wind up in Aquaman's body. He calls for the Justice League to stop helping victims of natural disasters and concentrate on stopping The Great Scramble. I don't know what his plan is but I know it's not "give The Scrambler what he wants and make the world a fair and just place for every Earth citizen" because Batman would just shoot it down. He just wants to stop random violence in back alleys not upset the status quo which serves rich people. The Scrambler is hiding out at Polly Math's place because she loves his plan. Plus I bet she gets immunity as his sidekick. Superman doesn't know the hell Polly Math is so he has no chance of figuring out where The Scrambler is hiding. He contacts the president to let him know the world probably isn't screwed but maybe be prepared for the worst?

I applaud Russell and Byrne's choice to let the DCU have a different president.

Zan uses his powers to become a disgusting fly to learn where The Scrambler is hiding rather than working a deal with the League of Annoyance. I wonder if Zan craves shit when he's a fly? Probably. But even though all the clues point to Filo Math's place, Zan can't figure it out. Jayna does figure it out though and she goes to talk some sense into Polly and The Scrambler. But Polly logically suplexes Jayna's argument into the hospital. It's one of those scenes Mark Russell does really well where he explains social problems through character and plot in much the way good comic book writers have been doing for so long that Comicsgaters never really noticed until they felt their frail white masculinity threatened. I'm sure they'd read this, scoop out their eyes, roll them around the room, and then tweet death threats to Gail Simone. But if you gave them Denny O'Neil and Neal Adams early seventies run of Green Lantern/Green Arrow, they'd probably say, "Fuck those faggots too!" Hmm, that sentence really got away from me. I was going to point out that they probably wouldn't have had a problem with those stories even if they were absolutely non-abstract social justice stories but then reality slapped me across the face and said, "You know how those fucking assholes would really react, right?" So sorry about saying the f-word but I just got too into the character of a Comicsgater. It was worse than when I contemplated having to masturbate in my sister's body. Seriously though, I can't understand the argument about comic books ignoring character and plot to simply put forth social justice agendas because when I think back at all the comic books I've read for the last forty years, the majority of them by a large margin were stories about increasing social justice. What the fuck were these Comicsgaters reading all these years?!

"With our bank accounts!"

If I knew the exact time The Great Scramble was going to happen, I'd leave my body sitting naked in a tub of chocolate pudding with The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick wrapped around my penis. Lex creates an app called Lexema that will allow family members to stay in contact after The Great Scramble. I just figured everybody would stay in contact because they're still the only ones with their names and passwords on their social media platforms and emails. Unless most people don't know how to use computers in libraries and/or use those password apps to create passwords that their computer remembers for them. I guess Lex probably has a good point with that program. It's not like anybody memorizes phone numbers anymore (which would be useless, of course. I'm just using that as evidence and an example of how people probably won't remember all the passwords they need. I would expect, in The Great Scramble world, the first few months would be all about proving who used to be who and just setting everybody back up in their old lives. Lex's app should be a place where everybody locks in a secret password which they can use to prove who they were prior to The Great Scramble! Man, that would have been the better idea! I think I'm smarter than Lex Luthor! The world governments actually are instituting laws to protect people all over the world when The Great Scramble goes into effect. So The Scrambler's plan is sort of working! Jayna realize that they can stop The Great Scramble and all of those laws will still happen. The Scrambler will be a hero! But before she can reach Polly and The Scrambler, the Justice League arrives and captures them. Because Zan did some detective work as a water molecule to find where The Scrambler was hiding. And with the capture of The Scrambler, the president and the rest of the world decide not to sign all the laws that would improve the world. Stupid meddling kid! Wonder Twins #6 Rating: It's still being written by Mark Russell, right? So A+! And that Stephen Byrne guy didn't do too bad a job, whatever it was he does. Draws the boxes the stories go in or something. They were pretty straight! Good job!

[laufire]

Some things I’ve received during my hiatus, and that it’s related to some worrying patterns I’ve seen recently on tumblr, have made me want to clarify a point. I’ve debated whether to put some of it behind a cut, since +1000 is on the longish-side, but fuck it. I think it’s important --or at least, important that you know this about me--, it makes me angry, and you’ll just have to scroll past it. And it’s a topic I’ll probably talk more about in the future, since it genuinely concerns me, even if not specifically in the same way or focusing on the same things I do here, so you might wanna be mindful of that *shrugs*.

I do not give a single fuck about whether B*llarke is “problematic”, or toxic, or abusive, or “immoral to ship” in any way. And the same can be said about literally every pairing. And if you ever try to harass anyone with those arguments (or any other, but I hope that goes without saying) --including shippers of my NOTPs--, I guarantee you, you won’t have me on your side.

Sure, I don’t like seeing it (and plenty of other ships) on my dash; that’s what filters are for. There are ships whose existence I prefer to ignore in its entirety, and I plan on forgetting them for the rest of my life.

In BC’s case, in particular, I –obviously, if you’ve read this blog– don’t want it to become canon. The way I see it, it’s a crack-ship (and not a very interesting one, AFAIC) between a character I like and a character I dislike, that’s entirely based on misrepresenting canon. Why would I care? But IMO the writers dislike the ship itself, so why would I worry either?

On top of that, I’m rooting for Bellamy’s narrative to be the dominant narrative (not as much for Bellamy himself –thought that’s a nice bonus–, but because it inevitably benefits my favourite characters: Raven, Murphy, Emori, Echo and Octavia), and the show has proven that’s antithetical to Clarke’s narrative prevailing (there’s a reason why every single season has put them at odds, in ways that effectively risk each other’s happiness, health and life). Historically speaking, things don’t end well for male leads that are put in romantic situations with women they haven’t chosen and put moves on by their own accord, and there’s plenty of evidence in canon that Bellamy doesn’t see Clarke in a romantic light –and it’s telling that, in fact, the writers CHOSE to cut out the one moment that could’ve hinted at it, back in season one.

Lastly, as I said, I think the writers themselves dislike the ship; not just aren’t interest in writing it, but actively dislike it. The first piece of evidence (if you plan on ignoring everything they’ve said about it, which already backs this opinion) is, frankly, that it hasn’t happened. Ships well-liked by the writers and supported by the narrative happen fast; lightning-fast in some cases. They likely don’t stay together, because narratives tend to follow a path of separation before the last-minute endgame (which might not happen; endgames aren’t a guarantee, even if there clearly are ships with better odds than others; BC, IMO, is the LEAST likely endgame possible out of all of them), but you better bet that dude is making his interest known ASAP.

Of course, writers in all of history of TV have written ships that they disliked, or at least ships that they only saw as filler and not “endgame material” (though I’m struggling with remembering another one that has the writers feeling so apathetic tbh). So yeah, there’s a very, very small chance of it happening, sure.

But have you ever tried to write a romance for a ship you hate? You probably haven’t, because the very idea it’s ridiculous. But imagine if you had. You would have hated every minute, I bet. And I don’t think any fans of that ship would find your story even remotely satisfying. Professional writers are exactly the same.

Even if the writers felt so worn down that they decided to go for your ship (which, IMO, would be a giant warning sign on itself; it’d be a mere symptom of their disinterest on their own story, and the show would be on its lasts breaths), what makes you think it’d make for a good story? They would half-ass it at best (and probably use it to troll you, out of spite), it would never get the genuine ~feeling that their preferred ships enjoy because, well. They don’t want it. They don’t believe in it. You can’t write with passion about something you don’t believe in, and passionless writing sucks literally every damn time.

And even all that? All that play-by-play essay I just gave you about why I don’t like the idea of canon BC? That still isn’t enough to make me hate on the ship. This can be said about plenty of ships across shows, books, etc., and I don’t talk about any of them because I don’t even remember them after I’ve moved on to the next thing.

But you know what I hate about BC? ITS FUCKING FANDOM.

They’ve proven to be one of the most dishonest ship-doms I’ve ever encountered, and probably one of the most numerous at that, which obviously only makes them worse (one day I’m going to talk about how these type of ships seem to attract assholes that know they can get away with shit due to the numbers and the attitude of those fanbases, but that’s another story).

Their numbers allow them to control the narrative within the fandom (and since canon doesn’t support them, they’ll outright lie about it), to the point were dissenting voices are ignored, disbelieved, and actively ridiculed and silenced, even when we’re pointing out actual scenes that support OUR reading and contradict THEIRS. They routinely act like characters like Echo or Raven don’t matter, while in fact feeling threatened by their relationship with Bellamy, and go into their tags full of condescending concern-trolling or outright hate. They harass other fans that dare to disagree with them, and they harass the actors and the creators of the show on a semi-regular basis.

A.K.A., they’re hurting real, living human beings.

There are hundreds of “toxic” ship out there (and am I the only one who, thanks to fandom, feel like many of these words have completely lost meaning? I truly hope that I am) that I never think or talk about, even if *I* personally didn’t care for or disliked them. By virtue of their small numbers (since a lot of those ships tend to be fringe interests in the already fringe medium that is fandom), most of the shippers usually mind their own business and simply go on with their lives, which I find to be the right attitude. Shipping (and character/show-stanning) isn’t activism, it’s born out of the fucking opposite impulses, IMO. Fiction is a place to explore anything and everything we wouldn’t even imagine doing in real life; there’s a reason why horror is such a popular genre, ffs. (and that’s mainstream, which means it has a bigger outreach and potential real life consequences (even if they don’t happen the way people think they do; fiction mostly reflects and maybe reinforces reality; it can’t create anything out of thin air). I cannot stress how few people read fanworks and how little they impact the real world).

If anything, those shippers have all my sympathy, because 9 times out of 10, THEY are the ones getting the brunt of the harassment. Like, I don’t give a single fuck about Reylo in one way or the other, to name one example (I’ve only watched TFA, which means I’ve missed the ~meaty part of their relationship, for one; but even if I remedied that, I thought both characters were deeply uninteresting, and I find KR painfully unattractive inside and out, so it’s likely I still wouldn’t ship it); but I’ve seen how its shippers got sent anti-Semitic slurs and gore pictures and were compared to school-shooters, and how its antis have effectively shielded a confessed rapist in their midst (and all that without getting into the general pattern of harassment/violent threats/suicide baiting that plagues the purity culture movement in this site; I can send you sources, if you don’t believe me), so those antis can go fuck themselves, tbh.

THAT shit is what I take issue with: hurting actual people. That’s ALWAYS going to matter more than the feelings of some fucking fictional construct, and I can’t believe that somehow became a controversial opinion. Bellamy or Rey or whom-the-fuck-ever doesn’t exist, they can’t get hurt, and the idea of their “feelings” taking precedence over the well-being or real people is fucking insulting.

(btw, don’t bother with any “but what about THIS gross ship/type of ships? you support THAT too?“ I’m not going to answer that and make myself a target for that bullshit, and I think this post proves this situation goes a little beyond something as clear-cut as “support” or “condemn” --among other issues, who am I to “aproove” or not any ship wtf--, but if you mean “are you against people who like it being attacked because their interests in fiction somehow prove they have ~nasty morals?”, then the answer is a resounding “yes”. What the fuck do you know about their life anyway)

[shark-myths]

Writing Reflection: 2018

I was tagged by @horsegirlharry, who i will smooch in person in ONE WEEK! 

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 15. I'm trying not to feel critical about my output this year: I was distracted by ~boy problems and emotional turmoil for a lot of 2018, so I absolutely slayed some journals but neglected my fic. but I also tackled some difficult projects, some of which I'm really proud of, and translated a lot of those big emotions back into writing, so there's a lot to give myself credit for.

2. Word count posted for the year: 224,001

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting)

Roman Candle Hearts

I'm A Wing, I'm A Prayer

The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique

your hips, your lips, are mine

in space, no one can hear you misgender me

Girl Firsts

halfway to your heart (starting from your knees)

Boys Next Door/Assholes

Vices & Vices

Early Morning Company

Jaws of Death

Baby You're A Haunted House

The Fixed Stars of Heaven

Sell Out Girl

Think of All The Fellas I Haven't Kissed

4. Fandoms I wrote for: Fall Out Boy, Battlestar Galactica, Panic! at the Disco, My Chemical Romance

5. Pairings: Pete/Patrick, Starbuck/Apollo, Pete/Brendon, Brendon/Ryan, Patrick/Michael Day, Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Joe/Andy

6. Story with the most:

Boys Next Door/Assholes, aka the peterick SUMMER BOYFRIENDS au, aka the fic I wrote about falling in love with my ex that captures the sweetness and suffering of new summer love in a very specific and tactile way. It has the most hits, kudos, and comments of anything I wrote in 2018. I'm so glad you guys loved it so much!

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Sell Out Girl, the sequel to girl out boy, is incredibly important to me and I'm so fucking proud of how it turned out. emotionally, i am prouder of the girl out boy stories  than anything else i've ever done. girlfic is how I am cleaning my wounds and healing my heart, and it is an honor to be doing that with you walking alongside me, and being touched and changed too. this fic was incredibly emotionally demanding but also, on a technical level, easy: there was lots of rambly internal monologues and angst, glitter-sharp language and poetical pain, which is my comfort zone as a writer for sure.

on a technical and writerly level, the one I'm most proud of is Baby You're A Haunted House, because i wrote it *fast*, in a fandom I'm not comfortable or familiar in, in a style I don't usually use, and to achieve a very specific artistic effect with the unreliable narrator and shifting sands of reality, while heartbroken. so I'm pleased as fuck with how it came out. it's one of my favorite things I've written in the past several years, and the perfect kind of challenge for me.

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

ugh, The Fixed Stars of Heaven . I usually love everything I write, but my experience of writing this fic was terrible. I was never inspired (except when researching the ISS and zero-g botany!) and the epistolary format meant I didn’t know how to develop the kind of tension I *live* for. the whole time I was writing, I didn’t go back and reread (a typical part of my process for matching tone) because I loathed it so much! I kept saying “well, something has to be my worst story” about it... and I still feel that way.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

It's impossible to choose--I like my writing a lot, that's why I write the way i do. all of Baby You're A Haunted House and I'm A Wing, I'm A Prayer are beautiful to me; the love letter Pete writes in Boys Next Door/Assholes; and the whole bathtub scene from chapter 5 of Sell Out Girl, of which this is the very best part:

“Pete is safe and warm and submerged, an egg in a mermaid’s purse, waiting to swim out as a shark whenever she’s ready. She holds her breath and feels her baby beat within her. She looks up at Pat and fears nothing, nothing but love.”

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

every review I get makes impact on my heart. I take screenshots and save my favorites; you guys bolster me and keep me going. The best and most important reactions are the ones I get on Girl Out Boy stuff, and the outpouring of fanworks and support means the world to me. especially the way you guys showed up for and stood with me during my difficult breakup this year—wow. I love you so much.

my favorite reviews I’ve gotten this year have been a few different people who told me I was skilled at capturing the feeling of falling in love. as a feelings-and-process oriented romance writer, that means the world to me! I never know what plots my stories are going to have (my characters always surprise me), but I always know how I want a fic to feel. I’m never more honored than when you feel it too.

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

during the slow-motion process of one of my romantic relationships coming apart in September and October! I was so anxious and keyed up and self-obsessed and miserable during that time, I literally couldn’t bear to write, and when I tried I just kept wrecking the Girl Out Boys’ lives. you guys carried me through.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I don’t want to spoil Sell Out Girl, but a ship I don’t typically ship popped up and I went with it, and I was exactly as surprised as everyone reading that it happened and that it felt so right and good!

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i tried new types of projects, like the fucking epistolary scifi fic, a flash fiction exercise, the unreliable narrator trope, and sequels. i wrote in a couple fandoms I'm less comfortable in, fairly often off of other people's prompts. I am trying to hone a cleaner writing style: I spend so much time lost and rambly in describing how characters feel, my stories lose a lot of chances for action and motion. i like my writing best when it is spare and vivid, able to actually evoke emotions rather than just tell you what they feel like. i think some of my fic this year really showcases that (like Vices & Vices ). i still grow so much as a writer, and learn so much about the craft, with each work.

i used an editing and revision process for Fixed Stars of Heaven, thanks to my dear friend JM, that i don't usually subject my work to. i also wrote through a project i was not enjoying, rather than dropping it as soon as my interest waned. my discipline as a wild, reckless writer is, slowly but surely, improving.

i wrote through my own shitty emotionally abusive relationship with a parent through the character of Andy in sell out girl, and got better at naming trauma and abuse and setting my own boundaries as a result of that.

i started reading (and a little bit writing) poetry again.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

oh, i can't see that road! i hope i grow in ways i never expected cuz i'm faced with challenges in my work i could never have anticipated. generically, i hope i keep tightening my style and improving my discipline, and getting better at defending regular writing time.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

- i read only works by women for the entire year of 2018, and the nourishing impact of that on my entire inner life cannot be overstated. i didn't even read a comic book or a work book if it was written by a man. i kept myself entirely pure of the labor of perspective-taking for men, or subjecting myself to men's conception of anybody else's experiential reality.

- @leyley09 my official Fic Enabler, who is SINGULARLY AND SOLEY to blame for at least two fics this year, and has encouraged my very worst ideas about a hundred more

- my unofficial cheerleading squad family on tumblr, who lifted me up and made sure i was healthy, supported, and well through my whole shitty relationship ending debacle. @glitterandrocketfuel, @secretstudentdragonblog, @allkindsofplatinumandpercocet, and @laudanumcafe -- not to mention every other beauty who commented on my sad-ass selfies or my fic. thank you, my loves.

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

EVERYTHING IS REAL

most notable and egregious examples:

- the letter pete writes for patrick in boys next door/assholes is a real love letter i gave someone

- the fight brendon and ryan have in vices & vices is a real fight i had with a partner

- the climactic kiss on the streets of new york at the end of sell out girl is my real first kiss with my new boo

the worst thing is that i don't generally farm my *past* life for my fic--everything that shows up is really recent and fresh, because i'm most interested in writing things i'm currently dealing with and experiencing. and yes, i especially steal the sex scenes.

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

be curious about yourself and your characters. if you've never written / published in a serial format, where you're only writing a week or so ahead of posting, you must try it at least once! listen to what your readers are noticing about your themes and characters! i learn so much about my the emotional resonance and direction of my stories from the people who read them and comment. my writing is so much stronger as a result of writing the majority of my work this way, and i have much more fun with it than when i write a long piece in an echo chamber with no input from you guys!

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

- i'm working on a Rent-A-Family trope + law firm AU + kidfic thing i started messing with last year

- Pete Wentz's Bisexual Realizations, a fic dreamed up and playlist-empowered by @nikadd

- a Venom AU for my beloved @immoral-crow

- Girl Out Boy hiatus fic

- and a MANIA anniversary surprise <3

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

all of my Peterick creator pals! @leyley09 @shatteredmirrors-and-lace23 @allkindsofplatinumandpercocet @laudanumcafe @glitterandrocketfuel and everyone/anyone else!

[bliphany]

(cw: rant because i really don’t understand Harold-hate.)

I hope people stop calling Harold Finch a dick or claiming that he doesn’t care about people because he decided to separate the relevant and irrelevant lists and programmed the Machine to delete the latter.

This always reminded me of all those times when my friends and I were on the street for a protest or petition and some people passing by would yell at us calling us selfish bitches because we dared to say we cared about A but didn’t also mention B C D E F no matter if those were in the same topic or field or beyond our limitations since we said we cared but failed to care about everything happened in this country or on this planet we were clearly hypocrites.

Back to the context of Finch’s choice. That was an American government’s project aiming to prevent events like the 911. The feeds were from the government. They just needed a machine to process and make the prediction. So to build the machine the creator - if they EVEN care - had to balance between two things. To achieve the aim while to make sure some lines are not going to be crossed too much. The government’s feeds meant useful information but also people’s privacy. If they let people know about they were being watched the government would have to shut the program down. Hence they would fail to achieve the first aim which was also the project’s only aim.

If Finch didn’t separate the two lists, the Machine aka the Northern Light wouldn’t be functional in the first place. The government would then buy someone else’s machine who might not even care about the privacy thing and would make it an open system so the government could track ANYONE they wanted no matter which purpose the government had.

Deleting the irrelevant list was a move that definitely caused sentimental reactions we can see it from Nathan and the audience. A move that later Finch also considered a “Mistake” of his when he had to witness his best friend’s death. And then he did what he could to live with the mistake while trying to do something about it. But it didn’t mean it was “Wrong.”

Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. Making a mistake doesn’t automatically prove what value you had in mind while making the decision is wrong. It only means the way you choose to face the consequences speaks your character as a human. We all make mistakes caused by the right decisions/mindsets. That’s where the value of humanity lies. And judging people by the outcomes of their decisions despite the contexts and situations and the reality is, sorry I really have to say, utterly and upsettingly utilitarianism, by which I mean it really rings the “I adore you BECAUSE everything you do is perfect you’re good at everything you never makes a mistake you’re not a human you’re perfect that’s why I love you.”

And even the Machine made mistakes. And who are we to decide a person’s value by judging how perfect they are or how many mistakes they’ve made even when they caused those because of sensible decisions but no because the outcome was bad “they should have known better or I hate them.” It rings the opposite of the show’s value. Not a machine learned to love like humans. But that “humans can only be loved when they’re such a flawless, perfect machine.”

A person who makes no mistake and hence claiming they’re perfect or the smartest of us all is actually someone never cares enough to act.

And I don’t even mention that most of the time when a story is highly plot-driven of course characters’ good intentions always turn bad to serve the plot because that is a trope?????? In stories, there’s always a dynamic balance between characters and the plot and sometimes to benefit one the writer has to compromise the other a bit but as long as it isn’t overwhelmingly biased that is good writing. And to hate a character for a writing choice is really too hard for me to understand. It was like when I was a kid, and my friend claimed she hated Sherlock Holmes he was such an asshole, and I was curious and asked which story she read, and she told me oh that one with Arsene Lupin and I was like????? But it was a story written by Maurice Leblanc??? And it was natural that he wanted to show how good his own character was??? And if the plot was set like that and you judged a character’s value and personality by that one material??? But no, I failed to convince her because since writers wrote a certain character in a certain way then no matter who the writer was which purpose the plot was serving and which pov the story was written in, what was shown on papers must be the only truth.

Sorry back to the subject. Nathan’s reaction was relatable, and I love to see it as pure goodness in humanity. But that still didn’t make Finch a dick because on the spectrum between sensible and sentimental Finch was closer to the sensible end than Nathan. It only made them two different characters who were relatable in different ways. A thing they might consider to do at that time was to hand the irrelevant list to the police department. WELL BUT COULD THEY REALLY? The American government only wanted a machine to prevent another 911. And giving the list to anyone would harm the privacy dilemma discussed earlier.

Nathan decided to save people one at a time was a noble act. That still didn’t make the choice of deleting it cruel. We might donate our time and money to help a nearby neighborhood/location/country damaged in an earthquake, we probably won’t and can’t do it beyond a certain scale. We help the world by helping whom our road crossed with in our lives. That’s called being a kind person. That’s called a realistic way to improve the world to become better.

And there was no evidence in the show that showed Harold Finch didn’t give a fuck about people’s lives when their roads crossed. Back before the ferry accident, he tried to talk Nathan out of the thing he planned to do because it would get Nathan himself killed in the end. Although he didn’t approve, he went to meet Nathan to face the thing together because he cared and tried to help him. After then, also with his own character arc but really I don’t think his character changed to a totally opposite it was more like since he now chose this full time helping numbers life he allocated more time and energy into this field. He asked John and Shaw to bring Root with them so she’d not be killed. He confesses he built the machine so Collier would kill him and not someone else. He argued if it was necessary when John went to help Riley because John as a friend was closer to him than Riley who had just shot John at the moment. The fact that he wanted anyone harmed Grace to be killed was on the revenge topic so I won’t go into that here, but it still aligned to the traits we humans have, that we care about those who are friends/families/closer to us.

But really, time and time again in fanfictions we wrote about how in the heat of the moment John chose to protect Harold over someone else. Or time and time again people in the fandom adored shoot relationship saying how Root came to care about few people over the rest of humanity or saying how beautiful it was when Shaw avenged Root. Deleting the list was the same thing. It’s called priority and the only one doesn’t need to consider priority is God because they have no limitations and can be everywhere at the same time. Deleting the list didn’t equal to killing people. It meant those who might have died in another 911 would be saved. Before the Machine those killed in an attack and those victims on the irrelevant list would just all die. The Machine Finch and Nathan worked together to bring to the world, its aim was to save those would have been dead in an attack. That’s the meaning when he said “save everyone not someone.” And the priority here felt cruel wasn’t because the one who called the decision was evil. It was because he was not God and the fact humans have limitations IS CRUEL. Just like John couldn’t save Jessica when he was on the other side of the planet. Just like if you only got one shot you can only choose to save a person. Just like every character in the show had to choose between this and that. And we called it beautiful because while it showed limitations it also showed connections.

But somehow Harold Finch was not allowed. He was not allowed to be a human. He was not allowed to be a decent and reasonable person by considering “I really want to do something to help my country and people but given my ability and life plans/choices and resources I picked this specific project I wanted to devote to.” He was not allowed to make mistakes. He was not worthy of love and acceptance and forgiveness even when everything he did all had good and sensible reasons. We said that Harold had hubris issue and god-complex which I agree. But this specific kind of Harold-hate hates him because he was a human and he had to choose or he couldn’t finish the Machine in the first place was actually expecting him to be a god. He was expected to have no limitations. He was expected to save every single person on the planet if he did half way omg what a dick. He was expected to devote and lose everything if he even dared to do a thing to save people in the world. (Which he did, btw)

By hating Finch for being a limited human who just tried to do a thing to help his country which he also succeed was in fact giving his an un achievable standard. It rings so many bad memories like “if you can’t convince me that you also care about B C D E F or you fail to do A to 100% you’re such a lame activist you don’t really care about this world.”

And yes “everyone is relevant to someone.” I love this line, too. And I adore how the writer did the delicate “replacing and advancing the meaning behind a word to charge emotional effects” and probably they did it too well it seems people really believe that Harold Finch used to believe some people were “irrelevant” so apparently he was a dick and didn’t care about humanity, unlike Nathan. But No? Friendly reminder that the full sentence/context of “relevant and irrelevant lists” is actually “relevant and irrelevant to terrorist attacks”?????

And yes about the opening theme. I laughed at Harold after I knew it was him who separated the two lists and deleted one of them, too. The funny part is seeing how in the tv show writing and prompting process sometimes the writer will give something for them can tell/sell a story first but after a while, some things might conflict each other a bit. It’s like the writer might just put some hint as a foreshadow and if in the later episode there’s a chance to pick it up and develop then nice but if by some reason maybe the actor’s scheduled or there’s some plot change then the hint will remain an unexplained detail or even a tiny plot hole but as far as it’s tiny it’s fine. And the show introduced the whole world setting by introducing Finch who at first functioned as not only a character but also a device to tell us/the main character aka John everything the writer wanted us to know at the moment so we could enjoy the story. And when the story just began and there were only two main casts to make the fictional world work it was entirely workable to instead of giving us the simplified but informative enough opening they let Finch say “I build it and actually it was me who separated the lists because brah brah brah and it backfired and I wanted to live with that, so I need a partner.” In this way, the show would be so appealing.

Idk just... I don’t like a bunch of characters for so many different reasons, but I try to separate which ones are the character’s personalities and flaws and weaknesses and which ones are byproducts of a writing choice so that the plot will continue.

:(((

[shitmygaywifesays]

your wife is a writer!! do you think she'd have any writing tips for a young aspiring author who's only recently started planning for an original book?

This is the Gay Wifeanswering herself!

 Some disclaimers:

1.This turned into amonster, I am so sorry. I apparently had a lot to say on the matter.

2. I assume you readthe blog and don’t have a huge problem with cuss words. I normally wouldn’t dothis to a stranger online, so…

3. I am so fuckingpretentious. Lord. I added a bunch of links to things that have caused me topause and think about writing, and some of them are just??? I am so sorry,please don’t judge me too harshly.

Thank you so much for this ask! I was surprised,admittingly, that you’d ask for my writing tips despite the fact that I haven’tpublished anything online for you to read. But I am glad you did! My wife (theblog owner) is so very kind and supportive of me. Maybe a bit too much? Shetalked me up quite a lot in her answer to that ask. Because I don’t think I amall that special. Nor do I think myself and the spaceman living and my head area wellspring of great ideas, BUT HERE GOES. [Note from the blog owner: I neverexaggerate baby’s talents 😉]

I have hadthoughts on writing advice blogs/posts in the past, as in, they aren’talways useful.  K J Charles, an author Ireally like, recentlymade a post about writing advice that is really worth a read if you wouldlike to seek out advice in the future.

That’s not to say I am not totally willing and excited toanswer you! This might just be a weird tip list, that’s all, because all ‘tiplists’ are biased to one writer’s processes. My ideas on writing might not workfor you, may be disastrous, or may be where you set your flagstones. I’ll trymy best to communicate what I think will help. But with that, take it with agrain of salt.

Writing a story, byits nature alone, is a product of desperate translation of something that isintangible; emotions, moments,places one has never been, experiences one’s never had. A story becomesgood when the translation of ideas switches from the surreal to the profoundlyrelatable. That might be something to keep in mind as you write; that youaren’t telling a story, you’re translatingthis idea in your mind and heart into words – into language, into a story,into a pathway to follow, into this brand new experience that will sit with areader for long time after they finish the story.

The writing process is labyrinthine and elaborate andintricate. I’m going to list a couple of things that have helped me, specifically what I did when I wasfeeling uninspired or frustrated with what I was writing. Again, these workedfor me, so if they don’t for you, don’t use them. Try something else! Explore!Innovate! Grow! And allow yourself mistakes!

I constantly think about classic writers and how theydiffer. I’m kind of a nerd for quotes and delight in spending hours pouringmyself over them. And writersso vastlydiffer fromeach otherwhen it comesto how they approachedtheir craft (I think about that last one a lot because it directlycontradicts every ‘writingadvice’ blog post I’ve ever seen). You’ll have to do that, too, or riskbeing drowned out by the static of how you think you should be writing. You should neverlet your unique way of writing be chained down by all that bullshit out there.

 Plotting/Outlining/and the dirty work—

I try to do NanoWriMoevery year and fucking hate it to shards and jagged pieces. If there was oneoverwhelming thing I have learned, it is that I need an outline to function. Thiscame as quite the surprise to me personally because I am such a messy bitch. Butdear merciful Lord in heaven, if I don’t have an outline I can’t move forward.So I embraced that and outlined my scenes like a motherfucker on a lone motorcycle, reaching for that burning redsunset, running from my sordid past, man!Here is just three notebooks from the last year’s NaNo:

Now that is three notebooks, not including the forth one Ialso filled up. One of them is initial notes; themes I had in mind, characteroutlines, a summary of the plot – basic stuff. I also wrote out some rules.This was a supernatural/horror/comedy, all three of those genres I have nopractice in. So I wrote out tropes that I wanted to avoid, points that I wantedto greatly impress, character traits I had etched in stone (for instance,“Edwidge will stay a kind person.”)

Then I dive into outlining by chapter with a rough first go,then another notebook where I re-wrote that outline, then a forth with fleshed-outdialogue exchanges, character movements (both in detail, such as the hands, theeyes) and within the constructed space (sits on a desk, leans against a wall,observes the pictures on the wall), and with random details I decided whileoutlining. In that same vain, the nightmarish scribbles off to the side of thenotebook pages are products of an idea striking me and the muses directing myhand. Muses have horrible handwriting.

Now I know there are people out there in the great greenworld who can write with vague outlines, or no outlines at all (I’m looking atyou, @onedamnminuteadmiral, you wicked ho). And those people are witches andheathens that must meet with the pyre. I’ll bring the gasoline if you bring thematches. [Note from the blog owner: Heeeyyyyyyyy!]

I probably shouldn’t admit to it, but I would often getreally frustrated with outlining and resort to stick figure storyboards. Yes,like I’m a writer for derivative cartoon about a wacky suburban family. My stick figure storyboard was surprisinglyeffective (???I guess???). I got a sense of space, of movement, I made notesabout the way the eyes moved. This, coupled with the far more wordy outline,added a lot of hot sauce to that beef.

I also saw this methodof storyboarding today and I am thinking I might take it up. It looksfantastic!

So, yes, either outline or don’t. I really worked for me,but it might come more natural for you to fly by the seat of your pants. Ifthere is one thing I would do, it would be to make notes on how the charactersmove within the space. Specifically, placement of hands, how their eyes move,the lighting, anything that gives the characters a solid weight in their world.

SPEAKING OF

A slice of characters—

Human nature, by the definitions divined by humankinditself, is fucking absurd. A personleft unobserved will always devolve into subtle rule-breaking based purely andthe common, everydayswerves their free will dictates (ie. I never wear lipstick, but thismorning I was feeling kicky by no outside influences what-so-ever, so, fireengine red?). There is more glorious spark and untold, unfolding of brilliancein a real person sitting quietly in a chair for a half and hour than there willever be in a fully-realized, well-rounded, fictional character. That might be aharsh statement, but it is something I constantly have buzzing in my bonnetwhen I write characters. It causes me to strive for something more from my characters.

I bring up that (jfc am I pretentious) philosophy videoabout fate/free will because in writing characters, you’ll constantly have tothink if your characters are acting as youbelieve they will, or how they would more naturally behave.

People are series of moments with great contradictions.Characters who are well developed, compounded and complex, and interesting toread, should also be weighed at the center in how they contradict themselves. I find this to be a really important standard in writing characters. This is so damnhard to explain, so let me give some silly examples.

Characters tend to have traits/characteristics/personalityrules cemented by the author. I see it constantly in books, and it reallysteams my vegetables. For example:

 Valen was raised in a polite society—he is a politeand considerate man – he will act politely as a matter of keeping thecharacter consistent.

Valen was raised to be strong — he would be calm in thissituation— he would not be afraid at the climax of the book.

It’s… not a wrong way of writing character. Constancy iscertainly important. Its just flat? ‘Uninteresting’ may be a bit too much.Writing a character as a series of set rules can be this transitive, it justfeels manufactured, distant from reality.

For example, consider at how I act:

Gay wife spent her formative years in the South —she was trained to be a polite person, professionally— she calls hercustomers Mr. Meyers and Ms. Linda and her boss solely as Ms. Jeanne—she workshard to be a polite person – she always uses ‘pardon me’ and ‘excuse me’. Thatis honestly who I am.

BUT ALSO

Gay Wife had a weird home life growing up—she had a rocky,religious upbringing— this manifests in reallyvulgar humor at home— shecalls her wife whore-tits and expressesreligious terror to her cats. This is also honestly who I am.

Am I vulgar person? Am I cautious and polite? Thosecontradict each other, and they are both true about me! I try to be as politeas possible, but at home where I am comfortable and unobserved (other than bymy wife, who is now stuck with me so whatever), I turn into a total asshole.

When I read a love story, for example, I get concerned whena character stays exactly the same as when they started out. I’m notspecifically talking about character growth, per say, but in the way the carrythemselves, in the way they behave. I read one fantastic book where a characterspoke differently with the other servants than he did to the lord of the house,even after they started a relationship together. As you proceed to write yourcharacters, I would recommend thinking about how differently people behavedepending on their current situation, and contradict the rules you have set forthe character. Everyone act different around their grandma than they do aroundtheir high school friends. Both those situations, the person is stillthemselves, just affected by compulsions lent to them by the situation.

So consider writing a character that is both compassionateand open-minded, but is also bigoted towards someone/something. It tells thereader where that compassion ends, the lines that character draws. Or acharacter that is brave, but only because he is a coward (that is one of myfavorites.) A character that is a brilliant genius, but a fuckin’ idiot. I’vepersonally known plenty of real people I would describe as genius fuckin’idiots.

Please consider how funny, upbeat people are so fucking sad inside. Or rather, theytend to be. Within two weeks of knowing the funniest person I’ve ever met, Iwas asking him if he was okay. And he was fuckin’ not, and I knew to askbecause despite this blog making people laugh (of which I am proud), I’ve haddepression since I was a child and have struggled with it to the extreme(aside: if anyone needs to talk, feel free to message me @thewaltzrio). I’veborrowed that so many times when writing. [Triggerwarning on this link, but it is worthreading.]

You play your cards right, you’ll also be subverting tropesleft and right.

Compound contradictions, add in swerves of free will, mix ina pinch of chaos caused by fate (that you have set for them), and you’ve got ainteresting, more real and weighty character on your hands. People will relateto that. The best compliment I’ve ever received was, “Hadrian [one of mycharacters] has really stuck with me.” That meant a lot to me, more thananything I’ve heard about the story or the setting or the world building I’vedone for the story.

The second best thing I’ve heard is when I let someone readwhat I have written, and the first question I ask is “which was your favoritecharacter?”. I’ve done it dozens of times with the same work and I’ve gotten adifferent answer every single time.If you do the same, you will know you’ve got a good cast of characters on yourhands.

It is only my personal opinion that characters are worthmore than the story itself. You connect with characters, you believe in them,you root for them, you love them with an unhealthy dependency. Look aroundevery fandom — it is characters that draw people into a show, make them stickwith it, make them care about the 2nd season getting greenlighted.The plot is a series of situations done tothe characters. It happens to them.The interest in the story is cultivated from the perspective of a character andhow they react.

Which brings me to thedetails. Fuck yeah DETAILS.

Write details when it comes to character creation beyondhair color, zodiac signs, or height and weight. Now, you’re on tumblr andwithout a doubt a smart and well informed person, so I don’t need to go intothe importance of a diverse cast of characters. So here are some of my favoriteways of meshing the character into the world, and making them seem more like people.

I like mentioning the condition of their fingernails. Youmight find something else that works for you, but I like fingernails. I mademention that my main character has “acres of real-estate under his fingernails.”Now that is a handful of words that tells the reader that: He works hard, hedoesn’t have time to clean them, he isn’t vain, he doesn’t consider clean nailssomething worth his time worrying about. Everyone in his community probablycarries the same kind of dirt and grime around with them.

I adore using verbal ticks as markers of a character’spersonality. I probably go overboard with this; I go out of my way to add atick to each character. My character Hadrian ended up saying ‘in any matter’ toswitch topics. He is the only one who says that, and it’s a nice verbal tick. Mycharacter Raif is trying to be seen as a poor tradesmen, so he uses impropergrammar when speaking on the daily, and (in exposing his true background) uses expressly proper grammar when in a stressfulsituation. If a reader picked up on that tick, then they would feel so damnclever when Raif is exposed as the lost prince! That is satisfying payoff!

My favorite one I’ve written so far is Seymour, a 15-year-oldwho was raised mostly in isolation, without a real home or community to callhis own. So he parrots other people, he borrows from his friends and those headmires. It tells a reader than he lacks a sense of self, of place, of how tointeract with people. I never actuallysay he does this, but he constantly repeats phrases he hears from hisfriend Raif. And, by the end of the book, he is also saying ‘in any matter’ toswitch topics. It is a satisfying way of showing how Seymour interacts withother characters.

Mentioning the condition of a character’s clothing is sobaseline it might as well be chapter one, line one, in the guidebook of how towrite characters. But you can really have fun with this one. For example, Imade of point of introducing my main characters in very particular ways. WhenDouglas meets Hadrian, they are at a costume party. Douglas is in his Fleet cadetuniform (which tells the reader he is the type of person who didn’t feel theneed to change his out of his everyday uniform for the sake of a costume — Ishe too proud of it? Is he too shy to dress in something bizarre? Is it alreadya costume to him?) and he sees Hadrian across the way. Hadrian is wearing thedraping robes and ivy and burning candle crown of a pagan god of mischief(which tells the reader damn neareverything they are in for with him. That he pays attention to ancientpagan god history in a religious society, that he isn’t concerned with lookingridiculous in public, that he is a huge fuck-head.) [note from the blog owner:I love him.]

That is different! That isn’t going into details aboutfineries/tatters/tailored clothing vs. hand-me-downs.

Clever segue to thenext section!!

A student of curiosity—

So you may notice that I am not going to mention a very hugepart about writing in this bullshit thing I’m claiming as writing advice, andthat is how you construct your plot. Who gives a shit? Sorry that was harsh.But we’ve all seen that chart in school about rising action and climax andfalling action and UGH.Because seriously, who gives a shit? You write what you want, there are no rules.

But! I can add a few words about how to help your story getswol. Or at least, what worked best with what I do. Like I said earlier, humansare fucking absurd. And human history is so broad and sweeping and fantasticthat you can find endless sources for inspiration to draw upon. It is importantto stay curious and make a habit of studying the bizarre. I utilize my love ofhistory to find inspiration. History pulls from and contains so many other topicsto learn about and utilize; superstitions, unsolved mysteries, trends, deadreligions, all sorts of niches that have wedged their way into the buildingblocks of history.

If you find history dry, that’s fine! Loads of people do.The point is, if something really grabs you, take the time to think about whyit did. Those wiki binges that last until 3am? What is it about those subjectsthat drew you in that you could borrow for your story? (I once based an entireromance novel on a wiki binge about the quartering of soldiers in the colonial UnitedStates.) Podcasts are fantastic for this! I’d recommend Lore if you haven’t already checked itout. Even though Aaron Mahnke drives me fucking crazy with that “well, yousee, maybe human beings were the monsters the whole time” bullshit, I stilllove this podcast.

But remain curious as you write. Think about moments inbooks and movies that have stuck with you and you don’t know why. Some cleverlittle thing that made you pause. Like, for me, the kitchen scene in JurassicPark. I’d never seen kids under such threat before, just pure terror, and thatis my very first thought upon thinking about that movie. I know that I writenotes (usually when I’m at work) on what about a thing made me sit up and payattention. Then I break it down and mold it into something new. Who knows,maybe it will help add a great twist into the plot that you didn’t think of.

 The literal scene, a quick note—

I’m also a huge nerd for movies and the way movies are shot.I know this is coming out of the blue, and may seem odd to add in a monsterpost about writing, but stickwith me on this. Movies and writing have some overlap if you’re willing tospend time thinking about constructing a scene in your book the same way adirector frames a shot. I swear, it works if you let it.

When I get frustrated with how a scene is playing out whileI am writing, I try approaching it based on how it would be framedcinematically. Every reader has (what my wife calls) the theater of the mind,and you can use that to your advantage as you write. Think about how acharacter would view a room upon entering it for the first time. What draws theireye, what piques their interest, what is central to them. Film directors to thesame thing when they frame a shot. They carefully plan how the light falls overa character’s face. They deconstruct and reconstruct the layout of a room. Theyblock the actors. They pan over book titles to show a character’s interest.They  they keep important things out offrame to remind the viewer that it will come back into play in a few moments.  You can do that all, too, when you write!

I recommended once that my wife and I watch a very well shottv show when we were both frustrated with writing. We got sketchbooks and drewwhat caught our eyes. I remember I latched on to the way a character’s earringsmoved every time she did; it was subtle, but vibrant, kinetic, and a detail Idon’t think I would have thought to add if I was writing that same scene. Iliked how the bloodshot eyes of a character didn’t come into view until thescene grew tense and they filmed a closeup of the actor. I thought that wouldtranslate well in writing; add tension when my character got too close and sawthat the other character was influenced by something yet unseen. I detailed theway shadows fell over a staircase, and how the beam of light was on only themost enlightened of the characters in an ensemble cast.

This is something you can do on days when your brain is afried pancake and yet you still want to work on advancing your story. Take a TVshow or a movie that left an impression on you and take notes on the environment,or the actors’ expressions, etc. As strange as this sounds, it works well withanimation. Every single thing in awork of animation was purposely chosen to be there. Every single thing wascreated – like your writing will be. I’d say look at Satoshi Kon’sanimation process. Not only is his work a fantastic exploration of writingand storytelling, he is very purposeful in what is seen, shown, understood, andthen subverted. Think about how you’d write that, how you’d describe it. How a “quickcut” can translate into writing the impressions and feelings in a character.(ie. The smoke clouds, into a clear sky, how a character looking at one can getthe impression of another).

I’d recommend looking at Every Frame aPainting YouTube page. I know I got a swell of inspiration on how to paceout and detail a scene based on the importance of subtle details in this video.Or, if you want to think about how to construct a plot, Lindsey Ellis on YouTubeand her video essays are fantastic, too. For example, if you want to think ofhow your characters address and interact with your narrative, consider what shehas to sayabout RENT. The last minute of this video is gut-wrenchingly powerful and saysmore about the dissonance between characters and their narrative/the event thatnarrative was based on in that ONE MINUTE than months of research could tellyou. (Note, don’t watch this if you love RENT. If you love RENT, that’s okay,my wife reeaaallly does.) [note from the blog owner: I do love RENT, but thisis a really great video and I don’t disagree with anything she had to say. Stilllove RENT, but boy it’s got its problems, haha]

Aaaaand that’s all I think I have to say about that! Thank youso much for sticking with me this far! I hope something in this mess helps you.Thank you again!

In final—

Your voice moving forward with your manuscript is unique,and your voice is powerful. There will never be one like it again and there hasnever been one like it before you. There has never been a day of your life that wasn’t aproduct of chaos and mayhem from unseen struggles of the universe, and yet youmade it through some boring Tuesday! Good luck, and I’ll be rooting for you!

 Sincerely, The Gay Wife

[michaelamimi]

Why propaganda and fiction are not the same

I keep seeing Antis bring up that propaganda is fiction that effects reality. I would like to say that with propaganda THAT IS THE FUCKING POINT.

Cartoons and books, like Steven Universe and Harry Potter, are written to entertain and to tell a story. Propaganda only has one job. And that’s to push a political agenda.

Fictional works like Harry Potter help us explore a possible world of magic and wizards. You get to follow along with Harry as he not only struggles with magical school boy crap but also. A murderous asshole wizard.

Education for Death, der furers face, and Ductatiors are propaganda cartoons used during World War Two. The idea behind propaganda is to try and give out false information, or to try and bring people to your side for support. Is there fictional propaganda? Yes. But it’s not the same as JK Rowling sitting down to write about teenagers.

Because Harry Potter was not written for a political agenda. Education for Death however was written with a political agenda.

Shipping, fanart, and fanfiction will not effect reality.

So stop harassing people. Stop being a dick. And just block and blacklist.

[lightcomingthroughthedarkness]

Who needs reality posted the second part of her fic, have you read it!? Because holy crap it made me cry so much like it felt like someone was ripping my heart out. Bellarke really fucks me up so much but damn I love them so much. Wish I could stop but then they drag me back in.

Yes, I’ve read it!! Meha truly is a life ruiner. Bellamy and Clarke’s confrontation made me cry, my heart broke for them. Can’t believe two fictional characters can effect me like this. The angst in the fic tho… ughjj! Bellarke fics truly are the best.

Honestly, right now I have a hate/love relationship with Bellarke. I want them together so badly but I’m also aware of the fact that Jason might never tell the story that I want and it sucks. So I’ve started watching other shows in search for a show and ship that won’t hurt as much. It sounds unreasonable, I know but I kind of want to withhold my love from Bellarke as a punishment for not being canon. It’s like “oh, you refuse to kiss, well watch me take back my love! Huh, how do you two assholes like that!” Yeah, like I said, it makes no sense but it’s where I’m at right now.

[therealdragonnerdagain]

Because I intend to eventually kick my tumblr addiction (taking it one day at a time here) I wanted to explain why I spent so much time back in 2015/16 ranting about how Solas doesn't love Lavellan.

People made the mistake of thinking I was this heartbroken fan in love with a fictional character. The hilarious reality is that my character would have totally killed Solas for his crimes if she was given the option. My character is in love with Solas. I'm not.

But anyway . . .

The reason why I was so upset, and the reason why I tried to so hard to convince other gamers that the Solas romance is not love, is because it is incredibly stupid and irresponsible that Bioware/Weekes would write an emotionally abusive relationship and then sit in an interview and state that it was “love.”

Weekes was just trying to comfort young fans who were upset, but in the end, he did something really wrong without meaning to. I recognize that.

I thought of this because the other day I stumbled across this heartbreaking article about a woman who discovered -- six years into her marriage -- that her husband was actually a terrible person who did terrible things while smiling in her face all the while. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive to push his own agenda while caring very little that he was harming her. He did not intentionally set out to hurt his wife, but he did. And in the end, when she found out the truth about him, he chose to leave her -- while she was pregnant -- in order to pursue his agenda of being a destructive asshole.

Even after her husband had emotionally abused her, manipulated her, and lied to her, the woman was still baffled. Because all along, he had seemed to really love her. He seemed so "kind and gentle" only for her to discover he really was not. She was in denial for a long time. Imagine what would have happened to her and her child had she attempted to "fix" such an abusive situation instead of doing what was best for her and her baby? This is the kind of guy who might have wound up beating his wife and maybe killing his child, even if just on accident, still killing it.

The story remained me SO MUCH of Solas and Lavellan.

I've already explained over and over why Solas and Lavellan were in a very unhealthy one-sided relationship and why it was most certainly *not* love. The point of my post is to explain why I was so insistent on convincing other Solasmancers of the truth.

It's because I am very concerned about media that teaches young girls that abuse is love. They learn at an early age that they should put up with belittling, manipulative, abusive behavior, and they see it as normal, and they wind up with shitty men who emotionally, physically abuse them and sometimes wind up murdering them.

Love is something that has to be learned. People who never learn what love is are the ones who wind up in these dangerous relationships where they are mistreated.

In other words, I was reaching out in frustration and trying to help people. And yes, I was VERY frustrated by the other Bioware fans who sneered at me and didn't understand what I was doing.

Everything about the Solas romance is emotionally abusive, though. 

Solas sneers on Lavellan's religion and culture and continues to belittle it long after his "apology" at Haven. He just doesn't do it to her face and instead sneers on her people in various banters with characters like Sera and Morrigan. This is emotionally abusive. Making your partner feel inferior because they share a different culture and religion? That is fucked.

And no. Don't quote that line at me about how you can choose to let people make you feel inferior. That does not excuse the person whose shitty behavior is making you feel small in the first place.

Solas is racist throughout the entire game. To him, Lavellan isn't like those other heathens, meaning other mortals -- especially Dalish -- are worthless and inferior. That's like . . . dating a racist who thinks you're the only worthwhile person in your entire race.

When Solas isn't sneering on Lavellan's culture and religion, he is lying to her about who he is and what his motivations are. In the end, he is responsible for a great deal of her physical, mental suffering and pain and doesn't have enough respect for her to tell her the truth.

And why does Solas have no respect for Lavellan? Because he does not see her as an equal. And he does not see her as a person. She can even SAY this to him in Trespasser, "We aren't even people to you, are we?"

Solas never loved Lavellan. He's a pride demon. He can not love. His romance was all about sexual tension and steamy kisses, as much as asexual people hate to hear that, it's the truth.

In the end, Solas chose to keep going with his shitty agenda over protecting the life of someone he supposedly loved. He will kill her and all her friends because "He is not a monster."

Within the context of the story, in a world where people can time travel and the elven religion has been deemed demon worship by racist anti-indigenous writers, it doesn't look like Solas is being emotionally abusive, but he is. You could almost make excuses for his behavior because he's an ancient elf who lost his entire world, but you shouldn't.

Solas is, in fact, a monster. He is a pitiful figure who should not be saved. And everything he did to Lavellan was text book abuse.

It's really upsetting that Bioware would write a romance like this without calling it out for what it is. And Weekes knows the romance is abusive, otherwise he wouldn't have ridiculed and mocked "diehard" Solasmancers who shouted that they wanted to help Solas *before* their character knew the entire truth.

This is also what angers me the most about Twilight and books like it. I hate stories that teach young girls that abuse is love. These stories are targeted at teenagers who don't know any better and don't yet possess critical thinking skills.

In the same way teen paranormal romance novels are irresponsible, video games are irresponsible with the things they teach young boys -- such as how women aren't people but slot machines that give sex when you have the right number of charisma points.

I'm not saying media causes people to be shitty. I'm saying it reinforces those negative aspects already existent in our culture and helps them to thrive.

So long as stories keep teaching boys to abuse women and young girls to lay down and take the abuse, this shit will just go on.

And if you're about to reblog this and tell me that media has zero effect on people and their behavior, head over to Google and type in "szechuan sauce, Rick and Morty."