#yes he did use a slur in the podcast where he said most of this

[stvrni0lo]

𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞-𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐬

matt sturniolo x reader (fluff)

summary: matt and his obsession with hugging you from behind

warnings/notes: none! lmk if i missed anything

requested?: yes, tysm anon :)

> > >

One thing you quickly learned about Matt when you two started dating was that he absolutely loved to be close to you at all times. Especially back hugs.

It didn’t matter where you were, or what you were doing. He’d always find a way to do it. It was sweet - the fact that even when you were doing other activities, he still wanted to be as near to you as possible.

There were countless examples of this.

- - -

𝟏. You were standing in the fruit and vegetable aisle, trying to find the most ripe ones to bring home. Matt had disappeared somewhere with Nick and Chris, so when a pair of arms snaked their way around you, you were confused.

“Hey,” Matt’s voice muttered as he rested his chin against your shoulder.

You visibly relaxed as you turned to look at him.

“Hey,” you replied, “I’m almost ready to go, I just wanna get a few apples.”

He mumbled a quiet ‘mhm’ as he watched your hands put the fruit in a bag, admiring how much care you were putting into such a mundane activity.

You smiled to yourself as you felt Matt squeeze you close to him. Normally he wouldn’t be so affectionate in public - but when he was tired he tended to be clingy.

This was the first time you experienced one of Matt’s classic back hugs.

𝟐. You were over at Matt’s house, helping him cook dinner. It wasn’t anything difficult - just pasta. However he insisted that you do it together, using anything as an excuse to spend time together.

You were stirring the water softly, the steam rising to your face, burning your skin slightly.

“Ow,” you said while backing away from the pot; only to be met by a hard, fleshy wall. Matt was already there, enveloping his arms around you.

“You okay?”

He walked you back to the pot, making sure to move your head away from the steam. Replacing your head with his, he placed his head on your shoulder. Using one hand to stir, the other was inching towards your stomach under your shirt, his fingers tracing random patterns as he hummed contently.

Your back was safely pressed against his chest and the vibrations from his hums could’ve made you fall asleep if you weren’t so busy cooking.

𝟑. It had been a long day. Matt had finished recording a new podcast episode, and you had been cleaning your house from top to bottom.

It was safe to say you both were wrecked.

Arriving to his house, you noticed that him, Nick, and Chris weren’t home yet. Crawling into his bed, you decided to wait for them to finish their work. You didn’t even notice that you fell asleep in his t-shirt, the smell of his cologne easing you to sleep easily.

You were awoken by a pair of warm arms pulling you closer. You could feel Matt bury his face in your hair, pressing your back to his chest like he always did.

“You look good in my shirt,” he said, the sleepiness in his voice becoming evident in the way he slurred his words.

“Mm..” you mumbled incoherently. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too,” he said, nuzzling impossibly deeper into your warmth.

“Love hugging you like this. Y’so soft.” And with that, his eyelids grew heavier and he fell into a comfortable sleep.

You had the best sleep ever that night.

- - -

Now as you stood over the two cups of hot chocolate on your counter with Matt in his pyjamas behind you, his signature hug was encasing you in warmth.

It was your first Christmas together. Matt’s gentle touch tickled your sides as he caressed your waist from behind - and Nick and Chris’ laughs could be heard coming from the living room.

You never felt more at home.

[princess-glassred]

No pennywise no juniper hills au where Richie has a podcast as a side gig when he's not doing comedy, and as a bit of a joke he thinks it would be funny if he did an episode where he invites his childhood bully on as a guest. Henry is working as a janitor and his life just kinda sucks now, so he agrees to it. It's a very funny episode of the podcast, but the down side is its TOO funny, and now he's forced to keep inviting Henry back until he's essentially a cohost at this point. Everytime Henry's on he basically just says the most out of pocket insane shit, because even though he never killed anyone or went to juniper hills in this au he's still a total nutcase.

He's dumb, a chronic liar, and just all around pretty fucking weird so everybody likes when Richie has him on cause it's funny. Especially with the way Richie is genuinely quite smart and witty guy, so his absolute baffled expression at everything Henry says is like the funniest thing ever. Just their weird ass dynamic of "Bumfuck nowhere Janitor with a heaping of mental issues that's a dumbass" and "Actually smart, rich leftist comedian with no patience for his ex-bully's bullshit" makes the podcast really popular. Even when Henry is saying bigoted homophobic shit, it's balanced out ny how Richie just reiterates that he's a fucking idiot.

Average Podcast conversation basically goes like this:

R: Man, remember when you used to call me the F slur and shit.

H: Yeah, good times, it was fun.

R: The funny part is I'm actually gay now, so I guess you were kinda right about that one, huh.

H: Cool.

R: Cool? Just cool??

H: I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do Richie? Kick your ass? I see fags all the time at work now, as long as you don't try to fuck my butt or something I can deal with it for an hour.

R: Ew, dude you gotta realize not everyone wants to fuck you.

H: Impossible.

R: Henry, do you honestly believe there is nobody in the world who isn't attracted to you?

H: I mean, I never said they had to be attracted to me, I just said everyone wants to fuck me.

R: Oh my god- *buries his face in his hands*

H: *Looks to crew member* This guy is a really bad cohost, you know? First he doesn't even pay me and no he says no one wants to sleep with me.

R: What?

H: Don't get paid.

R: I literally do pay you.

H: No.

R: Yes, I do, you're just making shit up for attention again.

H: When you think about it, this is basically slavery.

R:... •_•

H:... •_•

R:... •_•

H: Unpaid labor is slavery.

R: I fucking can't with you.

[nutria--oscura]

Atonement- Anointment- an ointment? Atonyment (tony peperoni?)

~s2 ep 44 spoilers below~

ron and beth business idea? ron and beth business idea

"in fact, the only hard part my be finding someone to share it with" "oh" "..." "..." "ron... what are we?" "I dont know beth... i dont know."

"about 4 teens that got married" "4 teens?" im just gonna pretent anthony is saying it like that cause of hermie and dood

TAYLOR IS A ROGUEEE FREDDIE WENT ROGUEEE

honestly, taylor as a barbarian would have been funny

goofy minmax? fuck yea

NORMAL AND LINK IN THE INTRO (sorry i loved when will and matt did that with henry and darryl)

PIANOOOO

stimming so hard cause of will

... i take it back- normal i love you but what the f-

time to update your normal designs yall

"scary doesn't run errands. she walks them... bitch"

OH YEAH- THE MEMORY--

what the fuck-

"hes[darryl] like a real zaddy" "no hes a daddy, you gotta be realistic here"

so the teens cant go to heaven, cant go to hell, where they gonna go when they die-

HERMIEEEEEEE

scary gets taken "no! my scene partner!" hermie gets taken "no! my future life partner!"

anthonys exhasparated "okay" when beth said scarys gonna look like a meatball is honestly a constant mood-

PIANO

now being a ranger is useful- bhahah

"you know its not gonna be the time out room and its not gonna be good"

"no pwobwem fowwow meee"

"i wanna see if there's anyone who isn't supposed to be in heaven so i can tattle on them" "i feel like tattling as an act immediately drops you into hell" "they love tattling in hell though" "wasn't the bibles most famous snitch, like, kinda vilified for that?" "who?" "judas dude?" "judas my man. my man judas" "wait well, judas wasn't a snitch per se" "yea he was just bad" "he was a betrayer" "he was a betrayer" "he was a business man" "he snitched-" "30 pieces of silver in that economy can go a long way" "no no no no, they're-they're right Freddie. what did he snitch? like 'hey, that's Jesus' like they knew-" "YEA" "like they knew who Jesus was" "do you think the last supper was Jesus being like 'guys alright don't tell anybody don't tell anybody'" "'but we- we've gotta fucking move 10kilos of this, ok? just don't tell the authorities'" "'this is my body, let me see your body- you wearing a wire?'" "oh my god- like the last supper was like a table for 13 but then more people found out about it and they were like 'yea, i had a birthday party, the sweet 33 but you weren't invited' and Judas was like do not-" "'are you Roman? cause if you're Roman you have to tell me'"

yes, i did just sped 15 minutes to copy that section of the podcast on my first listen. yes, i do in fact now know it by heart

anthonys "yea" like "yea, no fucking shit" and then its a mens rights activist who podcasts about spaghetti who is in front of his setup eating spaghetti at the mic and only got into heaven cause he was an organ donor and all his organs saved the lives of great people who were from minorities that the guy did not like, each of which discovered the cure for a different type of cancer

im 23 mins in and ive been sat here listening for an HOUR

"taylor walks by and looks at him asianly"

"so you know how in a chirstmas story they have them say fudge so you don't have to hear the f-word?" "uh-huh" "yeaaa-" "uhhhhhhh-" "where are you going with this bro?" "careful my friend" "hes gonna say: *slowmode* 'oh darn, it's a pppppeeeeeeerrrrrrrsssoooonnnn' and hes going to say a slur, a horrible slur"

FREDDIE ON THE KITARRA

TONY

OH

I GET THE TITLE NOW

FVCKING NEW IT

new narc type - narc on someone to their conscience

THANK YOU ANTHONY FOR REMEMBERING HERMIE

AND DOOD

YES DOOD <3

"do you[normal] really want to give me positivity? or do you want me to say thank you so you feel good about yourself?" "get him get him get him"

HE WAS SO EXCITED FOR MARGHERITA TO BE THERE NO-

"im glad you got into heaven despite everything"

CHA👏RAC👏TER👏DE👏VE👏LOP👏MENT👏

LINCOLN-

JESUS LINCOLN- I MEAN YEAH BUT JESUS

SCARY MY BELOVED <3

ooooo, new item! potentially!

love taylor asking how lincoln is doing cause of his thing with authority when he himself wont process his shit-

normal needs to go feral <3 please <3

HAH- I SHALL RETURN- YOU CANT STOP M-

[posi-pan]

brendon urie talked about his pansexuality recently and said it feels great to be out and like a weight lifted off his shoulders. his way of describing pansexuality was to say it’s all inclusive and that if there’s consent, he’s open to it, he doesn’t care. he said he doesn’t really have a type, that it’s mostly personality for him, that he’s attracted to the person.

he also talked about how even when he was at his most cavalier about sexuality before he settled down that he couldn’t sleep with someone if he didn’t have that connection with them, which he got shit for.

he mentioned again that he tells people his sexuality is “i’m married” and he’s in a monogamous relationship, because when people hear he’s pansexual and married to a woman, they assume he’s cheating on her with men. he talked about that misconception, saying pansexuality is nothing like that, that people blow it up into a big thing it isn’t.

he said he likes being honest with his fans because they want to talk about things he’s gone through or is going through and it makes him feel less alienated to share those things. he hopes his honesty about who he is can inspire others to do the same. and even if it inspires them to not feel the need to share those things, that’s just as beautiful.

so don’t ever try to tell me this man who has always been open about his attraction to whoever he’s attracted to, repeatedly explained his pansexuality without using the word, after using the word to better explain his sexuality says it feels great to be out, hopes his honesty about his sexuality will comfort and inspire people, was forced to come out as pansexual.

[adultswim2021]

UPDATE?

HEY! It's me! The guy who stopped blogging a fucking month ago?? Why did I do that? Well, I'll tell you in gruesome detail with this post. I think I may be repeating myself a little, but here we go, baby!

First things first: My computer broke. On it was a file with about 2-3 weeks (I don't remember) of write-ups ready to go. Once upon a time I used to queue these up in my tumblr and try my best to revise them as I added more posts, but I was tired of having posts go up that were shoddy first drafts because I didn't get to them in time. In order to make them less like dogshit I started hoarding them on my computer so I could make goddamn sure they were suitable for publishing (just regular bad instead of flagrantly bad) before sticking them in the queue.

I also decided that my sloppy data hoarding habits needed to be reigned in. So I started cleaning up my desk and bookshelves to make room for what I was planning to be a dramatic overhaul of my various hard-drives, making it so I would no longer leave my data to chance of going belly up. Part of this was rehabbing a corner of my bedroom where I had stored a bunch of DVD recorders, VCRs, a laserdisc player, etc so I could start digitizing the scads of tapes and shit I’ve collected over the years and perhaps even let some of them go. But I was also devising a system of regular backing-up as well as creating a workflow to make sure that what sorta happened mere days later wouldn't ever happen. It just goes to show you: It’s never too early to start.

I bought a small 30 inch monitor just to plug my DVD recorder into, so I could start digitizing a VHS treasure trove I got for next-to-nothing at a garage sale from an elderly couple that just wanted them cleared out. Much to my dismay, my DVD recorder wouldn't read discs. Then it hit me: I haven't used this machine in 3 years and I think it's been broken for at least that amount of time and I simply forgot about it. So I very proactively emailed a bunch of repair shops and asked them if they'd fix, and I was very specific about this: A DVD RECORDER DECK, NOT COMPUTER DRIVE, LIKE THE KIND THAT RESEMBLES A VCR THAT YOU’D PLUG INTO A TV. Most shops wrote back that they only did computers and wouldn't touch it. One shop said they could fix it. It was one state over (note: it was also one town over; I live on the border of the state). I decided to take it in on a Saturday.

I'd been running my computer ragged at this time, using it to run plex, download large files, rip youtubes, and occasionally edit video. It was one of those things where I was constantly opening my task manager to delete processes that didn't need to be running, trying carefully to not overload it. One night, Friday night game night, to be precise, I got excited telling my friends about an episode of a long-running comedy podcast where, long ago, a guest comically used various now-significantly-more-taboo slurs. The easiest way to share this, I thought, was to whip up a short YouTube video of the offending clips. Oh how we'd laugh! It was meant to be a quick little project before we all got on discord for our weekly appointment of making each other do big smiles. I had all my shots lined up, and I clicked ENCODE. Then my computer went black exactly one second after I clicked ENCODE. It wouldn't come back on. I fucking nuked my computer trying to make a 2 minute video of beloved alt comedians riffing nasty.

I already had planned to take my DVD recorder into this repair shop which I was only going to through process-of-elimination, so I decided to take my laptop in to them as well. The guy running the shop seemed impossibly young. Like, a teenager. He looked at my DVD recorder and his face fell. “Oh. It’s one of THOSE.” YES MOTHER FUCKER I WAS VERY SPECIFIC THAT IT WOULD BE ONE OF THESE. But he shrugged: “actually there’s a guy who comes in and might be able to fix that. It’s not really our specialty. Laptops are our specialty.” Indeed, there were stacks of laptops surrounding me. It didn’t seem like bullshit. So I said “well we’re both in luck because my laptop died on me last night and I brought that as well”. “That is great I love fixing laptops yum yum yum yum yum” is probably what he said back. Look, it’s not like I transcribed our conversation or anything, I’m just relying on my memory here. He probably didn’t say “yum yum yum yum yum” but I do recall him looking hungry.

The thing with this shop, I’d come to find out, is that they would update me rather sporadically with what was going on. When I would call them, they’d say they were in the middle of dealing with a customer and they’d call me right back. They never did. EVENTUALLY I got them on the phone again and finally found out what was going on: the motherboard died, completely. At this point I had bought a new computer so I wouldn’t have to go without one, and my plan was to get the old one fixed and dedicate it to running plex and nothing else, resembling a set-up I was I’d been wanting to create anyway. So I agreed to get a budget pre-owned motherboard for the computer and have them try to fix it just to get it back up and running again, so I could retrieve my stuff off it, attempt to use it as a dedicated plex server, and let it die a natural, less-spontaneous death over however long the new/old motherboard lasted.

Then another blow: my large 4K roku television, which has all my valuable streaming apps (including Plex), spontaneously died. I came home from work after a particularly shitty day wanting to do nothing more than veg out, and it just wouldn’t turn on. It was 3 months after warranty. Even if I had the old laptop back I wouldn’t be able to run my plex server! I’ve been using the paltry 30 inch monitor I bought to use with the DVD recorder that doesn’t work which lead me to taking my precious laptop to the most unresponsive repair shop I’ve ever dealt with in the entire world. Fuck, I miss my old set up, dudes. I had it so good.

This is all not to mention the recent development with Discovery callously removing many cartoons from HBOMax’s servers for a tax write-off. Will this result in the removal of obscure Adult Swim shows that I was hoping to watch on HBOMax? Isn’t it great that the people who built their empire on shoving video cameras in the faces of unwashed mutants to exploit them, are now deleting animated shows, a form of media that arguably takes the most amount of craft, just to save a few bucks?

So basically, especially in light of the tech holocaust I’ve suffered recently, I just don’t wanna have to rewrite weeks worth of write-ups. It would just hurt too much. But if I have to I will. I am just waiting to find out if I have to. I literally have no idea if the write-ups are safe, if the hard drive didn’t get fried, if it can be saved, etc. I literally have no idea!

I haven’t heard from the repair shop since I agreed to order the new/old motherboard. That was, what? A week-and-a-half ago? I don’t know. I just want my shit back. This sucks. This fucking sucks and I’m sorta legitimately depressed about it. I know, it could be worse! But I don’t care! I simply don’t care about other people and their lives! Just mine! Please! Put yourselves in my shoes! Imagine you are as selfish and shitty as me! Then you’ll finally get how this is the worst thing to ever happen to anyone ever in the history of all everything. It sucks! IT SUCKS DICK! IMAGINE YOU ARE A HOMOPHOBIC AS ME AND REREAD “IT SUCKS DICK”  AND TRY NOT TO KILL YOURSELF

MAIL BAG

Here is a huge backlog of MAIL BAGS! The first of which were sent to me weeks ago, and the most recent of which were sent to me TONIGHT. Hold onto your bollocks

From LondonArbuckle:

It's all good, take your time getting your tech back on track my man. All your Adult Swims pals, Meatwad, Murderface, Orel, Giles Vanderhoot... they'll be waiting right where you left them. :)

This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. But you left out ♫KYLE KENNY STAN AND CARTMAN♫KYLE KENNY STAN AND CARTMAN♫

From Kon:

Bring back da blog

I WILL! JEEZ

Any chance you can review your fast food meals while you are out of commission? People love to hear about hamburgers and fries.

Okay, sure.

♫IF YOU SENTTTT ME A MESSSAGEEEE♫ "But the short answers are: yes, I still have it.I’m keeping it for now, but if I do decide to sell it I’ll try and let you know. But like I said, I deleted your message so you’ll need to write me again." ♫IF YOU SENTTTT ME A MESSSAGEEEE♫

I think I sold whatever this was. Times were tight and the co-owner of the item okayed it. Thank you for mocking me for engaging in commerce, asshole

Which will happen first: Adult Swim gets shuttered in favor of an all Toonami block or this blog gets a new update. Just kidding! I wish you the best. And the best is yet to come!

God, I hope so

There actually IS a term/trope for when a parody of something outlives/outnumbers it being used in earnest—it’s called the Dead Horse Trope, I believe. If they’re parodying something that was Never done in earnest, or at least was always pretty niche in the first place, it’s called a Dead Unicorn Trope. ^_^

I wish I could remember what this is in reference to. But thank you. This is USEFUL INFORMATION

That's a pricey fix, kimosabe. Want any computer advice?

“why don’t you try taking some of your own advice?” “Thanks. I think I will!” (The Breeders Cannonball continues playing)

Simpsons?

Has the latest season hit Disney+ yet? Which I can’t watch on my TV right now because the blu-ray player I’m using can only run the pre-loaded apps and it was made before Disney+ was a thing. I need to dig my old Roku out of storage. FUCK!

All this rippin' and dippin' and sippin' has got ME trippin'

You’re a racist

whats your shower routine?

Real talk: I HATE SHOWERING, and I rarely take a full-fledged shower. I do like baths when the weather isn’t too hot, but that’s more of a meditative thing than a keeping-clean thing. My showering routine: I literally stand in my bath tub and basically take a standing sponge bath. It resembles the method of bathing that’s recommended during a drought, and indeed I picked up this practice during a drought to conserve water. But I also literally prefer it to showering. I am a freak

Any word for our friends from across the globe?

yes: “PUSSY”

speak your mind! now that you've been a month away from watching adult swim how do you feel? liberated? confused?

I honestly do appreciate taking time off from the blog, as it could be chore-ish at times. But I also miss it and had a really good routine going before it all went tits up. I’ll ultimately be glad to be doing it again once I get past the episodes I already wrote-up. 

Any thoughts the HBOMax/Discovery controversy?

A fatwa on the heads of Discovery. May their remains be eaten by dogs

What's your favorite way to play?

I’ll be honest and gross but with my dick, doing jack-offs. But in another sense, the nintendo switch is fun and the NES/SNES online stuff is so great. Do I use the joycons? are you kidding me? I have a SPECIAL CONTROLLER that lets me adjust marios speed (walking, running, stopping, sliding) and the goombas can barely keep up. No doubt about it... I am a Mario master

[yslkook]

far away facetimes

pairing: taehyung x reader

warnings: cursing, alcohol (because it’s me)

a/n: yes i know i said i wasnt going to flesh anything out but here we are. i write vibes only, no plot. read this, it’s kind of a part one. inspired by @taetaespeaches bc liv is the keeper of all vibes

***

it’s still new. whatever you and taehyung are doing. you miss him when he’s not around, which is most times. but you can’t tell if he feels the same.

You think he does, and that it’s your anxious mind telling you otherwise.

he calls you close to 3 PM, meaning it’s close to 4 AM for him. you’re only in your apartment, drafting plans and thoughts for your upcoming podcast episodes in your office corner. Which is really just a desk and some pretty things in your living room.

It’s cozy, as taehyung has said before. To which, you’ve always just scoffed- what would he know about cozy, anyway?

You answer his FaceTime quickly, before the second ring.

“Hi-“

An exclamation of your name and taehyung’s wide eyes is what you hear and see. Jungkook is next to him, but not looking at the screen. And Jin on his other side.

You sink in your seat. You wonder what he’s told the boys about you.

“Hi, Taehyung,” you say sheepishly.

Another call of your name. It sounds sweet on his lips.

It looks like they’re in a car and the closer you look, you see Jungkook falling asleep.

“Hi,” taehyung says, “I missed you.”

His voice is raspy, the kind of rasp that comes with alcohol. You know he’s not a big drinker, but still the sentiment warms your heart.

“I missed you,” You mumble, “where are you coming back from?”

“Dinner and karaoke,” Jin answers for Taehyung.

Jin’s words are slurred, his cheeks flushed. Jin takes taehyung’s phone despite his protests and you’re met with Jin’s handsome face and drunk eyes.

“Did you have fun, Seokjin?” You ask with a laugh.

“Of course we did. We always have fun,” Jin grins, “would’ve been even more fun if you were here. Especially for Tae-“

Taehyung snatches the phone back from Jin, and Jin erupts into peals of laughter. Your cheeks burn in the best way.

“Stop embarrassing me in front of my girl,” Taehyung says, but there’s no heat behind it.

Your heart stops and your brain short circuits. His girl?

Butterflies erupt in your belly and you’re certain you’re thirteen again, with your first crush.

“What’re you doin, sweetheart?” Taehyung says, focusing his eyes on you.

“Just some work. It’s like... 3 pm here,” You reply, pretending like the pet name doesn’t send a wave of affection through you.

“Workin hard,” Taehyung beams, “so what’re you wearin, sweetheart?”

The affronted gasp you give him is enough to send him into a fit of laughter, leaning against Jin to catch his breath.

“I’m kidding. I’ll wait till I’m alone to ask,” He says, and Jungkook stirs from the movement.

“You woke Jungkook up. Stupid,” You shake your head and ignore the flaming in your cheeks.

Jungkook looks at taehyung’s phone for a minute before realizing it’s you.

He shouts your name and then, “Come back soon, we miss you!”

“I will, Jungkook,” you murmur, fondness for him spreading through your chest, “Sleep well, honey.”

“Hey, you don’t call me honey,” Taehyung pouts.

“Because you ask me what I’m wearing in front of your friends,” you deadpan.

You hear Jin giggling in the background and can’t help your own laughter.

“Call me when you get inside,” You offer, “Be safe.”

Taehyung nods and waves at you before ending the call. You’re already looking forward to speaking with him again. You missed him more than you thought.

It’s not to say that life stopped when you didn’t speak with him. Most of your relationships and friendships have always been somewhat long-distance- going weeks without talking and it being normal when you catch up.

But with Tae, it’s different. You want to hear about whatever is happening as it happens, not after the fact.

He calls twenty minutes later, once he’s in his pajamas, his face is washed and he’s under the covers. The faint glow of the lamp illuminated the soft planes of his face. You’re struck with the desire to push his hair back, and your stomach churns in loneliness.

“Hi again,” you chirp and wiggle your fingers in greeting, “Everyone safe in bed?”

“Yeah. We had to carry Jungkook upstairs to bed,” Taehyung says fondly, “and Jimin brought a girl home.”

“Of course he did,” you laugh, “what about you? Where’s your girl?”

You want to hear him say it again, and you both know it.

“My girl’s in New York City. The big Apple. You might know her,” Taehyung says coyly.

Your heart skips a beat and you can’t stop the bashful smile from spreading.

“It’s a big city, Tae. You might have to come show me.”

“Or you can come here. And I can introduce you.”

“That would be nice, huh?” You say dreamily, “Explore Seoul with my own tour guide?”

“That’s all I am to you? A tour guide?”

“Were you expecting more, baby?” You laugh, the pet name slipping from your lips easily.

“Seriously, Kook was right. You should come back soon,” Taehyung murmurs.

“I will, Tae. I want to,” you promise, “you should come here, too. You’d like Brooklyn. You’d like everything about the city.”

“Should we bet on it? That I’d like it?”

“Either way, I think I win.”

Taehyung yawns widely, snuggling into his comforter. The urge to push his hair back strikes once more, and you’re suddenly overwhelmed.

It doesn’t feel normal to you, and Taehyung is nothing if not perceptive.

“What is it?” He asks softly.

“N-nothing,” You say quickly, “I just-I just miss you, miss you more than I thought I would, and you make me feel vulnerable in a good way, but I’m not used to it.”

You cut off your rambling with an embarrassed sigh. He’s smiling at you in his signature boxy way and you wonder if you’ve scared him off. It appears not.

“I’m not very used to it either. But I think we both have to get used to it if we want to see where this goes...” Taehyung murmurs.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve never been so far outside of my comfort zone. But... you’re right, Tae,” you murmur, “I’ll let you sleep. It’s almost 5 AM there.”

“Goodnight, princess,” Tae says with a yawn. He cracks an eye open for your reaction- he’s testing our pet names for you and trying to gauge your reactions on what you like.

If the flustered wave of your hands and shy goodbye is anything to go by, he’d say that you quite like ‘Princess’.

***

Your eyes are glassy and blown as you stare at yourself in the mirror. The mirror itself is dirty and smudged, but you can still see your dark eyes and dark hair. In fact, you’re nearly seeing two of yourself in your reflection. You run a hand over your face with an annoyed groan.

It’s a Wednesday night, you were only supposed to go out for happy hour with your good friend, and somehow that turned into a mini bar crawl. You and Pari are at your third bar of the night, and it’s only 8 PM.

It didn’t hit you, how drunk you were, until you had caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. And then you start to giggle to yourself about it.

Without thinking twice, you text Taehyung. Or at least, you try to. Once you press send, you tuck your phone in your bag and head back out to the bar, already forgetting that you had texted him.

You’re at the bar again, next to Pari. She hugs you close as if you weren’t gone for only five minutes. You had both made some friends, friends whose names you can’t remember for the life of you. But you’re having fun, dancing and singing along with strangers and a drink in your hand.

Pari was more of the social butterfly out of the both of you- but that wasn’t to say that you weren’t in your element. It just took you longer to feel comfortable. 

Your lips are loose for the most part, but you still have your wits about you somewhat. 

Pari has an arm around your waist as you both stand at the bar and bounce along to the beat. A boy, really a man, approaches Pari from her right side. He looks familiar, from somewhere. It takes you about forty-five seconds to realize that he’s one of Pari’s coworkers.

“Go! Go have fun,” You say excitedly, pushing her towards him.

And then you’re alone, with your drink. You pull your phone out, checking your notifications with just one eye open. The words on your phone blur together if both your eyes are open.

Maybe you don’t have all of your wits about you.

You lean back against the bar, elbows propped up and nearly slip on the wet floor. The boots you’re wearing have a flimsy sole that doesn’t provide much support. You’re fully prepared to fall on your ass- it’s not like it hasn’t happened before- but a pair of arms catches you before you can. Warmth bursts through you, after all, it’s not often that you’ve been touched this way.

“Uh,” You say eloquently and look up at your savior.

“Saw you about to fall. I guess you can call me your knight in shining armor, huh?” He says with a wink and you can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, you wish,” You scoff without missing a beat, “Corny. I’ll buy you a drink. To say thank you.”

He stands closer to you but you hardly notice. You’re busy wondering if Taehyung has texted you, your thoughts floating away. But you’re still here.

“A pretty girl buying me a drink? Sign me up,” He grins at you and you roll your eyes.

You only smile at him, bright and brilliant, and you don’t even realize that the boy’s breath catches when he sees you smile.

“Pick your poison,” You murmur, leaning close to him. Close enough that you can see the wet sheen of his lips.

He tells you what drink he wants but then follows it up with something he thinks is smooth, “can I pick you, too?”

You laugh despite yourself, “You can try. Doesn’ mean I’ll let you.”

He pouts at you and you laugh again. Maybe you’re being mean. He’s cute, big eyes and a pretty smile. But he’s not your Taehyung. 

You’re suddenly hit with a tidal wave of missing him.

“Why not?”

“I have a boy-” You cut yourself off. Boyfriend isn’t the right word. “I have a boy thing.”

“A boy thing.”

“Yes,” You reply, “Enjoy. Sure I’m not the only pretty girl buyin’ you drinks.”

With that, you stumble away and pull out your phone again. Your stomach flips happily when you see that Taehyung has texted you. Three times to be exact-

you: h you: h you: hi

tae: h tae: h tae: hi

you: hi  you: tae

At the thought of him, you’re overwhelmed with the desire to go to bed and call him. You search for Pari, spotting her with the boy from earlier who had approached her at the bar. They’re making out in a not so secluded corner of the bar. You order yourself a water and take a seat at a booth, holding back a yawn.

You finish two glasses of water, before wondering if you should maybe go home after determining what Pari’s plan of action is. Your phone buzzes on the table.

tae: hi tae: princess tae: what are you doing

you: drinking you: drinking water you: alcohol before. water 

tae: good girl

You don’t pretend like that doesn’t send a bolt of excitement through you.

tae: can i call?

You’re already calling him before even replying, despite the loud music and chatter that surrounds you- you just want to hear his voice.

“Good morning,” Taehyung says once he answers.

“Hi,” You mumble, “Good morning. ‘S nighttime here.”

“Yeah, that’s time for ya,” He teases, “I can’t hear you well, Princess.”

“Shuttup,” You laugh, “still at the bar. Gonna ask Pari what she wants to do...”

“Text me until then?” Taehyung asks.

“Okay,” You breathe, “Talk to you soon.”

Pari has pulled away from her hookup and makes her way over to you. You offer her an eager wave as she tells you all about the boy she was hooking up with.

“Who were you on the phone with?” Pari asks curiously.

“Uh. Tae,” You shrug sheepishly.

Pari squeals excitedly, asking you a million questions a minute.

“Oh stop,” You wave her off, “I’ll tell you about ‘m tomorrow. What are you doin’ tonight?”

“Think I wanna g’home with him,” Pari grins and wiggles her eyebrows.

“I knew it! Need condoms?” You ask, “’cause I don’t have...”

“Nah, I’m good. ‘M prepared,” Pari winks, “We’ll ride home with you. And leave from your place.”

“What? No, I can go home by myself,” You protest stubbornly but she silenced you with a look, “‘m not even that drunk!”

She only rolls her eyes at you, already calling for an Uber. You don’t fight her on it, instead chugging your water. You wave at Pari’s new friend, who looks awkward and adorable just standing there. He sits next to Pari and relaxes when you introduce yourself-

“I mean since Pari hasn’t. What a jerk,” you giggle at her offended look.

“Probably afraid we’ll tag team her,” He agrees, ruffling Pari’s hair.

“Oh, haven’t we already?” You reply easily and Pari glares at you both fondly.

“I don’t like this,” Pari informs you, “Wish your boy thing was here so we could tag team.”

At the mention of Taehyung you sink in your seat as your cheeks heat up. You truly don’t remember the last time a boy has held your attention for as long as he has.

You wonder if it will fade. You hope not.

“How far is the Uber,” You ask, changing the subject. Pari doesn’t notice, and she jumps up when she exclaims that it’s here.

You sit in the front seat, allowing Pari and her friend to cuddle in the back. And also allowing you to text Taehyung with no questions from your friend.

you: hi. Going home now tae: alone? You: no, Pari and her friend are riding w me tae: ok good. call when you get home? you: yes pls

You contemplate sending a yellow heart emoji, but by the time you finish thinking about it, it appears your thumbs have done the thing anyway.

you: 💛 tae: 💛💛

You stifle the giddiness that erupts in your chest.

Once you’re changed, out of your clothes and into pajamas and bare faced, you climb into bed with a yawn and finally FaceTime Taehyung. You’re still a little tipsy, the alcohol wearing off before.

“Tae,” You murmur when he answers, your voice hoarse, “Hi.”

“Hi pretty,” Taehyung replies and again, it sends your heart into a frenzy.

He looks good, and you lick your lips without realizing it. He’s wearing glasses, his hair shiny and a light brown, bangs parted on either side of his forehead. And you see a mint green sweater on him.

“How was your night-“

“You look really good-“

You say at the same time and you laugh with him.

“You look good,” He counters, “Saw those pictures you sent me with your friend. You’re pretty in those and you’re pretty now.”

“Oh stop,” You wave him off and avoid meeting his eyes.

He only smiles at you, in that way.

You tell him about your night, how you were only supposed to have one drink which turned into going to three bars. You tell him about your new friends who are still nameless and about Pari’s hookup.

“I think a boy was trying to talk to me. He said I was pretty, after he caught me before I fell. Bought him a drink to say thanks. And then he said ‘how can I say no to a drink from a pretty girl’- I mean how corny-“

“He was definitely trying to get your number, princess,” Taehyung says, “what did you say?”

“Made fun of him. And then said I had a boy thing,” You say easily with a laugh.

“Is that supposed to be me?”

“Wow, look at you putting two and two together.”

“What does that make you? My girl thing? Is that what I should call you?” Taehyung asks with a quirk of his eyebrow, his hand under his chin.

You hardly hear his question, he sounds muted for a second when you catch a glimpse of his tanned skin. A thin necklace sits at the base of his neck and you swallow nervously.

“Huh?” You answer, “Oh. You can call me whatever y’wanna call me.”

Tae only gives you a smile, the kind of smile that lights up his entire face in response. Your heart flutters again but you maintain eye contact with him.

“Even... my girl?”

“Think were passed that, sweetheart. Just ask Jin and Kook,” You grin.

“I’m tryin’ to be cute,” Taehyung nearly whines.

“Try a little harder.”

And this time he does whine and pouts at you. You wonder if he can tell how flustered you are, how wired you feel. Just from his words.

“What is it?” Taehyung asks, seeing you retreat back into your mind.

“Hmm?”

“You’re floating away from me. Come back to me, princess,” Taehyung murmurs.

You want to be vulnerable to him, expose bits and pieces of some of your not so nice parts. Maybe someday you will. But not today.

You want to admit to him that you’re not used to this, to the pet names, the missing a boy to this degree, the wanting him as much as you do. You want to bare your lonely heart out to him, but something holds you back.

“Uh, well if I’m your girl. Does that mean you’re my boy?” You ask with a bright grin, pushing your thoughts to the back of your mind.

Taehyung takes a few seconds to reply, words stolen by your pretty smile. And yet, he’s seen your smile burn brighter.

“I mean, that’s how it works, sweetheart,” Taehyung rolls his eyes with a laugh.

“I suppose, if I must,” You say with a yawn.

“Don’t make it sound like such a chore. To be my girl, I mean.”

“I’m honored. To be the chosen one.”

Taehyung stays on the phone with you until you start to doze off and jolt yourself awake. He has to go anyway, to get ready to do some more press with the boys.

“Sleep well, princess,” Taehyung’s voice is low and sweet, curling around you and pushing you closer to sleep. You mumble a response to him and say goodbye to him, sleep washing over you as soon as you hang up.

Before you fall asleep, you text Pari a quick text, telling her to let you know if she needs anything. And then you welcome sleep.

[maxortecho]

Tyler blackburn is white? I am so confused. Is the person saying Tyler is taking roles away from people who are not as white passing? I'm sorry I'm not trying to cause trouble but his fans always talk about him being a person of color.

He’s white.

He did a podcast recently, and he told a story where he’d taken a DNA test (iirc at the start of RNM?) and found out he’s completely white. He talked about it like it was funny and he hasn’t apologised, so people are pretty upset.

I’ve seen some talk about it being an “honest mistake” that he was misinformed by his grandma about his background, but I can’t agree with that. People talk about it as if, say, he hypothetically had an estranged parent that his grandma told him was NA. But that’s not what happened.

He’d never identified as a POC for most of his life, until it helped him get a job; he had no NA cultural or community ties, even after claiming the identity; after Pretty Little Liars casting said they were looking for a non-white character for the part he’d auditioned for, he’d gone digging for some possible, distant, non-white background. His grandma told him that she believed his great great great grandfather (?) was NA, so Tyler started claiming he was NA. Even if the story had all been true, Tyler knew his claim was tenuous at best, and that he’d had no experience as a POC in his day-to-day life, but he went ahead and claimed the identity anyway to land a job.

Fandom also talks about this as if Tyler is a victim of the industry for hiring him based on this tenuous claim. Yes, the industry is fucked, but I don’t feel that’s particularly relevant when talking about Tyler’s situation. Those behind PLL casting had told him, sorry, they were looking for a POC for this role, Tyler went digging, and then Tyler came back and told them, don’t worry, it’s good, I’m NA. Those behind casting probably took this statement at face value, because iirc you’re not allowed to interrogate for specific details wrt race and sexuality. When telling this story, Tyler himself framed it as that he’d just outright told casting he was NA (without further details) and that was that.

Tbh it’s disappointing but also not completely surprising to me. Tyler not once talked about his background during RNM, compared to all the POC in the cast who consistently talk about race/backgrounds. As such, during S1, most of fandom had zero idea he was apparently NA, until his side of fandom dug up a really old interview (from 2011?) where he offhandedly listed being NA after 5 different backgrounds (iirc he has never publicly spoken about being NA anywhere else).

Hell, Tyler’s talked more about Alex’s identity as a disabled person and how he factors that in, despite being able-bodied himself, than he has ever talked about Alex being NA. I imagine he avoided talking about it, because he would’ve known he was on shaky ground and had no clue what to say 🤷‍♀️

Lastly it’s not lost on me that the 2011(?) interview was largely used to repeatedly shut down fandom conversations wrt racism around Maria/Heather. Any talk about M/A being a white-passing ship was treated as a slur; questions about why Tyler never talked about his character’s NA identity were seen as an attack; I can’t even begin to recall how many times fandom said some kind of bullshit like, “You didn’t know Tyler isn’t white? Lol please, it is so obvious from looking at him that he’s a POC.” Turns out, he’s white 🤷‍♀️

[jackjots]

#3 Suspicions

Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye 30 Day Prompt

(This takes place around the second half of Episode 3)

Day #3 @30daysofwayward

CW: Mention of blood, alcohol mentions.

(I do not own any other characters or place names outside of Shelby St. Ranger, this is just for fun)

Reading about silver mining while laying in bed eventually got me tired enough that I fell asleep with the book in my hands. When I woke up, the book was face down on the floor. I picked it up and found it was open where pages had been ripped out. I frowned and looked up what chapter was missing: “The Werewolves of Connor Creek”.  I thought that was odd, and I wondered if the library knew their book had been torn, or if they’d blame me. I sighed and put the book on my bedside table as I got ready for the day. A day of catching up on my work, and then I could learn more about the town, I decided. With a fresh mind, it was easier to sort my priorities and shove that weird guilt I’d been feeling away from my mind.

I drank some tea I’d found in the back of a drawer, noting to myself to go get coffee from the market later, and got some writing done. I got stuck on another small detail about Norse life that would be such an easy Google search normally. As I waited for the page to load, I looked over at my notebook, flipping back to my notes about Connor Creek. I’d gotten a good chunk of writing done, the internet was being even slower than usual, and I started thinking about the book again, so I went back to the document containing my novel and typed a quick note to myself to look that up later, and closed out of everything. I brought the book to the couch and started to read again. My eyes dragged over words about the sustainability of silver mining next to gold mining, and suggested that the mysticism surrounding silver could account for the many bizarre tales that came from similar towns across the country. I thought of the chapter on werewolves, and looked through the index for any other such tales. Most of them were tales about the MacMahons greed, probably written by Connor descendants, and tales about the Connor’s inability to welcome change, probably written by MacMahons descendants. There were impartial footnotes at the bottom that suggested whoever compiled this wasn’t sure which side to believe. 

My stomach growled, and I felt like I was going nowhere with this book, so I decided to go into town. Get some coffee from the market, get some lunch from the Dead Canary, and maybe, just maybe, ask questions about the current political situation in the town, now that I was getting an idea that the town was founded on a quarrel about a quarry, I was even more curious about the current quarry quandary. The possibility that I was creating something where nothing existed was still there in my mind, but was that so bad? 

I brought the book with me, since I could read while I ate. I drove into town, and the ease in which I found a spot still made me happy. I knew eventually I would take free parking for granted, and I’d gotten a few tickets the first week before I knew exactly where to park, but for now I was pleased. 

I noticed Ryan Reynolds' face plastered all over the outside of the Dead Canary. I knew it would be cold to take them down so soon, but it was hard to look at him smiling thirty smiles at me. I gripped the book in my hand and entered the bar that seemed to hold its gloom even in the middle of the day. 

Quinn, the chef, took my order begrudgingly. I just wanted grilled cheese, but he insisted on making it bleu cheese with strawberries and balsamic for dipping. I shrugged and asked Desmond for an iced tea. 

“How’s that book goin’?” He asked as he slid me the glass.

“Trying to read it quickly, since I have to return it to the library soon.”

“A library book?” 

I showed him the stamp from the library. “Yep. It’s old school, but I kind of like that. Shame it’s a bit ripped up though.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, someone tore it up. That’s why we can’t have nice things.”

He wiped a glass and shrugged. “Not sure I’ve had many nice things.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. It’s all a matter of opinion.”

“Wise words Shelby. We’ll get your food right out to you.”

I remembered the bleu cheese and grimaced. “Can’t wait.” I paused before I went back to my booth. “Desmond?”

“Yes?”

“What’s your take on the podcasters?”

“Podcasters?” He said the word like he didn’t know how to fit it in his mouth so it came out sideways. “You mean the nosey ones, Artie and Paul?” I nodded. “They’re alright. Nosey.”

“Yeah, you said that. What exactly are they investigating? The race? The murder?”

“I don’t exactly know. All of it, from the sounds of it.”

“That makes sense. But why did they even come here in the first place?”

“Why don’t you ask them yourself?” He gestured outside. “Word is they’re out there at Miner Mole right now.” 

I shook my head. “I think I’ll stick around here for a while.”

“Good idea. Here’s your lunch.”

After a surprisingly delicious meal, which Quinn nodded approvingly from the bar at me while I did so, I washed it down with the iced tea and read a bit more. The closer I got to the chapter that was missing, the more the pages alluded to the chapter. I realized it would’ve been a nice chapter to have. Despite the silliness of the topic, I knew there would be information in there, even if it was open to interpretation. I decided I could try to find the book online and order it, from the library computer so I could simultaneously return the book. 

I went up to settle my tab. “Where you off to now?” Desmond asked as I had my keys in my hand.

“Gotta get some coffee from the market, and then I think I might just head over to the library today.”

“Done with your book already?” He handed me my change.

“Actually, I think the chapters that were missing might be more important than I thought. I think I might go see if I can buy a copy myself.”

“Why is this so important to you?” 

I tilted my head. “I’m not sure, but I’m just kind of going with it.”

“Good for you.” He patted the bar. “Have a safe drive. Those turns can get hairy.”

I decided to get coffee at the market, since it was cheaper and I’d probably forget by the time I got to the library. Besides, I liked supporting the town I lived in. The mailman, Odie Doty, stopped in and got excited when he saw me. “There’s a letter waitin’ for you, it’s from your editor. They’ve liked what you’ve sent them so far, but they want more violence. Not sure why, what you sent them was mighty violent already. At least the parts I read.” 

I blinked a bit. I was still not used to the intrusiveness of the local postal service. But in some ways, it took the anxiety out of getting my mail. “Thanks Odie. Look forward to reading it.”

“You coming to the town council meeting tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” I said, which was the honest truth. My curiosity about the town was piqued, but it probably stopped at gathering with the locals. The introvert's dilemma. 

“The mayor will be there.” He said in a sing-songy voice as he left.

I hadn’t met the mayor yet. All I’d heard of her, was that she was quite a dog. Just kidding, I knew she was actually a dog, but wouldn’t that be funny? That would’ve been funny. “See you later Odie.” I called to him as I headed to my Volvo. 

“Is that your car?” His voice boomed from remarkably far down the street since he’d just been right next to me.

I pointed at the Volvo. “Yes?”

“Looks like you’ve got a flat!” 

My face fell. “Thanks.” I looked. I had four flats. My tires were slashed. I looked around, but no witnesses were to be found. Grumbling, I threw the coffee beans in the backseat and went back to the Dead Canary. “Can you call the shop? My tires are...well slashed.”

“Are they now? ‘Fraid I can’t do that, they’re closed Thursdays.” 

“Are they now?” I echoed Desmond. He just raised his eyebrows at me and I waved it away. “Fine, I’ll just walk home.” 

“Want a beer before you go? You’re walkin’ anyway.”

I chewed on my cheek for a moment and then shrugged. “Fine. I can read around the chapters that are missing, right?”

“Couldn’t of been that good if they’re gone.”

“Or they were too good.” It was one of those moments where I didn’t realize what I was saying until I heard it myself. A memory resurfaced and highlighted itself in my mind. “Desmond, did you see anyone sneaking around this book last time I was here?”

“Not sure why anyone would.”

“Me either. Except I’m fairly certain it went missing long enough for that chapter to get ripped out.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

“Yeah, why would anyone steal a chapter about werewolves?”

“Can’t imagine.” He repeated, as he pointedly handed me a beer. 

“What’s with all of this imagining Desmond? That’s not like you.” The curved shape of a human at the end of the bar slurred. I’d let my eyes slip over him enough times that I jumped when he spoke. 

“Okay Henry, let's get you something to eat.” 

I mouthed a thank you and went back to my spot. 

Much to my chagrin, the book drifted farther from the town as the chapters went on. I didn’t care how the silver affected the coast of California. I didn’t care about when the first bank was established. I didn’t care about the guessing game the rest of the family feud story had devolved into. I shoved the book aside and found a new beer replacing my empty cup. 

“You look like you needed it.” Desmond said and turned around.

Did I? I looked at the glass. Fine. I drank a big gulp. I saw a few patrons slip in and looked at the clock. I’d killed a lot of time with one beer and a few boring chapters I realized. I might as well stay for dinner. 

By the time dinner was in my belly (something something caprese something something), I’d also consumed another two beers. I was usually good at pacing myself, but for some reason, with my tires and the book, I was just ready to be drunk. I didn’t see Desmond, so I put the exact change out under my plate with a note ripped from my notebook. I went to my car and pulled out my coffee beans. I was going to have coffee, that was for damn sure. 

As I made my way down the street, I ran into someone lurking in the shadows; a solid form that was wearing a big fur coat. I said sorry as I blundered forward past them and passed the neon signs of Prism’s shop. I turned a corner and thought I heard something. I leaned my head back and with bleary eyes saw a shape running away. I walked back, cautiously, and looked into Prism’s shop where the door was ajar. The red stuck out to me as not red enough. It occurred to me this was my first time seeing blood, in large amounts, on a real live - a real dead person. Prism was dead. And there was someone else face down next to her. I tore back to the Dead Cannery and found Desmond cleaning a glass - how the hell does he have glasses to clean when no one was there was what my brain was saying before my voice started working. “There’s bodies, there’s bodies over at Prisms’. And I’m not sure I can handle it.” His face set grimly and he told me to sit down while he made calls and asked me where exactly. 

I wasn’t questioned so much as told what I saw. The Sheriff gave me a ride home. Trying to keep my mind from seeing the not-red-enough-red, I babbled about my slashed tires, and when she asked me why I hadn’t gotten them fixed at the shop, I told her what Desmond had told me. And she gave me a look that told me I had probably misheard him. But I hadn’t. Even in my slippery thought state, where every thought I had felt like a wriggling fish I tried to hold onto, I knew I hadn’t.

I fell into bed wearing the same shirt I’d worn all day; the drunkenness already melting into a spiky headache. As sleep started to lurk in the corners of my eyes, I thought about Desmond. The book at the bar, the slashed tires, the fact that he was gone when I’d left the bar and conveniently back after I’d found Prism...something was wrong with all of these things, and though when I pinned them on Desmond I had trouble sticking them there, they still fit too well for comfort.

[nirvhannahcornell]

Firstly I would like to mention this is NOT the real nirvhannahcornell, this is a burner account made to call out her questionable and horrible actions. The real nirvhannah is known now as “josiebelladonna” and can be found here: @josiebelladonna​. She changed her URL and didn’t save this one so I jumped on the golden opportunity. 

Some of you may be familiar with Hannah, you’ve probably seen her around on your dash, in the tags of your favorites. She’s there posting fanart and fanfiction, it seems all like harmless fun on the surface. But deep below there’s a grim fuckin reality, a reality no one is talking about. We’ve all sat back and watched her hellish meltdowns. Picking fights with her “fans” because they like her post opposed to reblogging them, getting in public squabbles with her friends over petty shit. We’ve sat back and stayed silent, but I’m not staying quiet any longer. I’ve tried sending her asks to explain herself and without fail every time she’s said tumblr fuckin “ate them” so the next best thing was a public callout. Let’s see the matrix glitch this shit.

The perfect place to begin with her fucking crimes have to be how she tries to push the idea that she’s mixed. I’m fully aware it’s fucked up to call someone’s race to attention like this, and I definitely wouldn’t be if she wasn’t completely faking and tossing racial slurs around like her lilywhite ass can claim them. To my knowledge and to the research I’ve done, Hannah isn’t mixed. Her dad and brother are fully white and so is she. She’s tried to claim having “african blood” and “native american blood” (of course she says I*dian but we’ll get into that later), but from what I’ve seen there is no “african blood”, I’m 100% sure she did a test on ancestry.com and saw she was .0000001% african american and decided to call herself mixed. The “native american blood” she claims to have is ALLEGEDLY from her great grandfather, but I’d take that fact with a grain of salt because she seems to be a compulsive liar.

(Note how her racist ass unabashedly says I*jun for everyone to see. But it’s okay guys, she’s 1/64th Native American!)

(Here she is claiming to be mixed race. Notice how she says “I*dian roots” and “African Blood”. That shit busted as fuck like what the fuck does she even…)

(Here’s some more posts claiming to have “black heritage” and then somehow making it about how Joey “talked about her” on a podcast. (I’ll get into that too (: )

This isn’t the first instance of her using racial slurs publicly for you me and god to see. We’re all looking and I wish I couldn’t see. Here’s a few examples. 

(“My I*jun boy” “I*jun orange” I literally cannot make this bullshit up.)

(“My I*dian beauty” “my favorite I*dian'' (she is also grungeandmetalfanfics btw!!))

She claims she can say these things, I guess because she’s .0000000004% Native American! Makes it a-OK! I guess because she has “African Blood” she can say the N-Word then? No? Oh well, she did it anyway! 

(Her argument, I’m guessing, is she can say I*jun because Joey (an actual Native American man) says it. Which makes no fucking sense because shes fucking white she can’t say it.)

If this wasn’t insane enough. As if it could possibly get even more horrible. She is overall just genuinely a bad person. If you ever supported her art with a like, you would know. Because apparently that shit peeves the fuck out of her. Even though you’re showing your support she loses her fucking mind when you don’t reblog anything she’s produced. (I don’t blame you it’s shit anyways) And then tries to guilt all of her followers into reblogging her shit. It’s manipulative and horrible. 

(this didn’t last of course she's too full of herself to stay away.) 

Note how she makes it seem like she was blessing us with her content. Did you know she existed before this? She plagues fandom tags with her shitty fanart and fanfiction thinking we should bow to her and be fucking blessed with her presence. Maybe we should, she claims to have a fond relationship with Chris Cornell!

Oh.. Wait…

(one of the 2 interactions she had with him, both pertaining to fanart she drew. He would do this often, respond to fans and their fanarts. This is nothing special)

(Her dad calling her out on her delusions) 

Don’t let her fool you. Her and Chris Cornell didn’t know each other, they weren’t friends. Chris had no clue who she was beyond the fanart she made for him. She’s literally so deep in this fantasy she’s insane enough to think she could’ve prevented Chris’ suicide. 

(She also believed ben shepherd was in love with her. She sent him a letter and he didn’t respond. Apparently he owed something to her because she opened up to him via letter and, as you would expect a famous person who definitely has someone who goes through their mail for them, he didn’t respond. I don’t know how in the FUCK she ever got the idea that he was in love with her. I don’t know what in the FUCK is wrong with her. She eventually got pissed because she found out he had a kid with his girlfriend? And apparently he was supposed to tell her? She’s fucking delusional look into that if you want, I don’t have enough time or evidence for that one, it’s certainly a lot.) 

A new installment in her delusions is the infamous Jasta Show feat. Joey Belladonna. It’s a 2+ hour long podcast where they mostly talk about the pandemic and what not, current events going on. Allegedly, in this podcast, Joey says Hannah’s name. 

I sat through the entire podcast (Joey says holy cow about 5 fucking times) and timestamped at 106:58 they start talking about Chris Cornell. To which Joey says “oh, we talked about him yesterday because some girl was drawing some stuff- she liked him a lot. and I thought about him too.” Nonspecific. Plain. There’s no fireworks or warmth or whatever the fuck. He mentions that and moves on. I’ve timestamped it for you all, the podcast is free to listen to, you can all listen to it yourself. (The Jasta Show 517 Joey Belladonna) Unless her name is “some girl” there was no name drop. 

(no one gave a shit because it wasn’t that big of a fucking deal “some girl”) 

Don’t let her fool you with her delusions. She also makes it seem like her and Krista (Joey’s wife) are friends when really Krista likes most all posts that are #joeybelladonna on Instagram. They aren’t close, they aren’t buddies or whatever the fuck. 

(Here’s that one shit she keeps talking about raw fucking format or some shit idk it’s a fucking side project Joey started that’s probably not even Joey messaging her they have 140 something followers I don’t even feel like getting into this dumbassery. Fucking clown.)

If you aren’t convinced enough in her insanity. Hannah has literally used Cliff’s accident as a plotpoint in her shitty fanfiction. Yes,that's right. She’s used Cliff Burton’s real life tragic accident as a plotpoint in a fanfiction with Joey and Lars. Not only did she do that, but she shoehorned Joey into the fucking accident. Like they’re all fictional characters. It’s fucking vile and insensitive. 

(The fucking post she linked was the infamous pic of Lars, James and Kirk after the accident)

In conclusion, Hannah is batshit crazy. She’s insane. She wants us to believe she’s mixed because she’s obsessed unhealthily with Joey Belladonna and wanting to look and be like him. She wants us to believe she’s friends with all of these musicians, that they’re in love with her. That they were close. None of this is true. She’s just a lying, rude, self centered, fucking psychotic bitch and if you know her I’d suggest staying away. 

Not even her fucking friend wants to be involved.

[migleefulmoments]

"And whether he plays queer or not (we don’t know), the show has strong themes of homosexuality and closeting during the “golden age” of Hwood." lol we DO know but abby is demented. she thinks he's a pathological liar but he's not going to lie about this subject. seriously, she's so obsessed with him playing gay that she doesn't care about the backlash he'd get for taking another role. as an actual fan of his, I wouldn't wish that on him. nor do I think he lies about everything.

Her entire statement just hit me the wrong way.  IDK if it is her continued use of the word “queer”, her believing the anon who knows the entertainment industry, that she claimed we don’t know if his character is “queer” (we do) of if it was her use of ‘homosexuality” like it was a slur or her “How ‘Raymond’” comment. I posted hate entire post below simply because I needed to read that “how Raymond” quote again.  

“Obviously how problematic will depend on just “how raymond” his character is, but I cannot see how his character does not have some connection to closeting”. WTF does “How Raymond” mean?  She goes on to say she cannot see how his character does not have some connection to closeting? Why? What would make you think that based on what we know about Darren’s own comments about not playing gay characters and all the summaries we have seen about the show itself. This is purely wishful thinking and probably what she is hinting at what she “thinks” might be happening.  

She is also claiming that his team was able to get all the media outlets to talk about the statement.  They would be pretty damn powerful if they could actually make all the independent, for-profit media organizations and legit news organizations talk about their story. That isn’t how the media works. Yes there are sleazy rags that take stories for money but not any that I read.    

Anonymous asked:

Part 1: dividing this up in case this is too long. I work in the entertainment industry and I have a theory about the no more queer roles. The fact that this was brought up again tells me neither of his 2 upcoming roles are queer roles. That being said I have first hand knowledge that the one thing gay actors can’t stand other than a straight man getting a queer role is a closeted man getting queer roles.  

Part 2: what might have happened is after D’s rise playing gay parts someone (in or out) of the gay communities threatened to leak some information. D is well known especially in the Broadway/gay community and access to information about him is easily obtained. That explains why he seems more free in non acting roles to be himself (lip synch, halloween parties, gay benefits). Remember that it’s not just other gay actors that feel threatened by D. (wtf? if it’s easily obtained information then Darren must be prepared for it to come out. What could someone blackmail him over? He’s gay? I thought the theory is that Darren wants to come out, had tried to come out but he can’t conractuly? Are you claiming he’s too scared to come out? Because if that is the claim, then he is a spineless twit who has egregiously lied to his fans for 10 years and even married a woman he must not love to hide his truth).  

Part 3: it’s their managers that feel threatened by D. It’s not inconceivable that someone was threatening someone. None of D’s current actions make sense. No actor that I no of would make that statement on their own. Not one. In fact no legit manager would let their client make that statement. They would just not accept anymore gay roles without announcing it to the public. (Soooo you are in the industry but your only insider info is your first-hand knowledge that gay men don’t like closed men taking gay roles? Any woke, knowledge and compassionate actor would make a statement like that and if their manager wouldn’t let them make that statement, they need to let them go).

Part 4: I just finished Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow. There is a whole other world where young gay men are taken advantage of in Hwood. Fact. I fear that all of this bizarre things we are witnessing with D’s. careers we are all questioning is only going to lead to some very dark things. (oh ...so your insider information is from Ronan’s book?)

********************************************************************************

Hi nonnie! I would agree that is is very well known in Hwood and on Bway the D is queer and M is a beard and I also agree that out actors often resent closeted ones for taking queer roles but not being honest about themselves. However, out actors also very well know the struggle that closeted actors face in Hwood and many know how closeted actors are treated pretty deplorably.   (So she agrees because she knows? I guess it’s all that insider information she has but can’t share with her followers, right? HI love how Abby is so aware of gay men’s feelings but she has never spoke to one.  Also she agrees that gay men don’t like closeted actors taking gay roles but she also know how deplorably they are treated and gay actors are well aware of the struggle.  She what is her point? Oh, right it isn’t Darren’s fault). 

My issue, like you, isn’t D not playing queer anymore, the issue was how such a production was made over the statement and frankly the timing of the statement. (Liar liar liar). I contend this is not something D circulated .  He absolutely mentioned in an interview earlier in 2018 that he did not think he should play queer anymore, i cannot deny that. But it was a podcast delivered to a very tiny audience and it was not done in such a big, slamming the door kind of way nor was it offensive.  Months after that podcast, his team (December) decided to turn this into a huge media story and had it published and subsequently talked abut by various media outlets so it pretty much spread all over the industry and to the GA forcing D’s hand and pretty much making it impossible for him to accept a queer role from then until he comes out of the closet.  

And in my opinion, it was a harmful statement, that was incredibly offensive. and his team led the charge to make sure it was circulated. (No, it wasn’t offensive in the least. In fact, it was the opposite)  

Several factors, D had just won an emmy for ACS and was nominated for 3 more.  Seems to me like a slap in the face to the very community that he built his career on and it could have (clearly did not) jeopardized his chances of winning if people had resented him for making the statement. (No it wasn’t offensive to actual gay people Abby, just you) 

It precludes him from considering roles with queer characters from now until he is out of the closet. Seems to be to eliminate a ton of opportunities without evaluating each one on its merits. (Yep, it absolutely does... because that is what representation means. It means he is also eliminated from all black roles, all female roles, all child roles...you see how this works?) 

And another huge factor, we now know D made a deal with RM prior to the no more queer roles article. And whether he plays queer or not (we don’t know), the show has strong themes of homosexuality and closeting during the “golden age” of Hwood.  This seems very problematic. And it seems like his team trying to sabotage his ability to be in this show.  (I still don’t get this argument- does she really legit think we will believe this is a valid argument? Being on a show with gay roles is no where near the same as playing a gay character. It isn’t a thing no matter how much Abby plays confused about it- in fact if he refused to be on a show with gay characters THAT would be offensive AF and would be worthy of the gay community hating him) Obviously how problematic will depend on just “how raymond” his character is, but I cannot see how his character does not have some connection to closeting.  But that is speculation and we will know more as time goes on.

Personally, I think his team did it to hurt him and to hurt the new show (SO Ricky -the world’s shittiest manager is going up against Ryan Murphy? That seems like a fair fight) .  They do not have his best interests at heart,(But you do abby don’t you?)  they know he is miserable and does not want to be closeted and frankly I think that makes the down right giddy and joyful. And they use the closeting, and M, to control him because they know how much he loves to act and that he does not want to jeopardize his career. And you can bet there is blackmail and threats going on behind the scenes, the essentially forced him to marry the most toxic person in his life (I cannot emphasize this enough, they are not friends).  

And you are correct, a team that actually cared, would never allow such a harmful statement to be made. Never.  But then again a useful team wouldn’t force him to pretend to own a misogynist bar either, and well, his does that as well. Nor would they force him to pretend to love a person that is vile, unambitious and the opposite of a role model not to mention a complete detriment to his well being. (blah blah blah blah the record is the skipping) 

So it is clear his team doesn’t give a fuck about D, just about themselves.

[beholdingavatar]

But I’m Afraid You Absolutely Did Choose It

A Rumination on Fear, The Magnus Archives, and the Modern Queer Experience

***

Given the source material on which this draws, there is only one way this piece can open.

Statement begins.

I first listened to The Magnus Archives on the recommendation of the King Falls AM discord server. I’m hardly a horror fan - most horror movies make me want to throw up and then give me weeks worth of lasting nightmares - but the KFAM discord has yet to steer me wrong, so I took a chance. It was - so utterly worth it.

The Magnus Archives is a serial fiction podcast, centering around an institute for paranormal research, and particularly the archives. The series begins with the appointment of Jon Sims as the new head archivist after the brutal murder of his predecessor, Gertrude, and follows - at least for the first season - his attempts to digitize the archive. I suggest you read no further if you are interested and want to avoid spoilers, because the conceit of this piece concerns spoilers from season 2 onward.

The universe in which The Magnus Archives (hereafter TMA) operates is affected by eldritch fear entities, each with their own acolytes and servants, their own rituals to try and enter our world and rule it. I’m no stranger to fear. How could I be, with the world as it is? I’m queer, I’m autistic, I have non-citizen immigrant parents, I’m mixed race - that’s a veritable laundry list, in this day and age. And that’s without tagging on the healthy paranoia that’s developed as a result of years of having every authority figure, every person I considered a friend, pull the rug out from under me at some point or another. Usually, between the fear and the paranoia, the idea of using horror as an escape seems laughable. But there’s something about TMA that makes it different.

Maybe it’s the low, soothing, audiobook voice that Jon reads the statements in. Maybe it’s the fact that the theme music is so good. Maybe it’s relating to archival assistant Martin and his glaringly obvious crush on his boss, Jon. Maybe it’s Basira and Daisy. Maybe it is a lot of things. But the first season of TMA kept me listening, kept me waiting with bated breath for the final line of every episode, when Jon would reveal the creepiest shit to us as listeners. And after the meta plot reveal, the speed with which I listened almost doubled.

There are the fourteen fear entities in the TMA universe. Some of them are fundamentally terrifying to me, like The Buried (the fear of being buried alive, of being trapped), or The Flesh (which is almost exactly what it sounds like, and I will never forgive Jonny Sims and Alex Newall for imprinting in my brain the Foleys for a flesh pit). Some pose interesting frames through which to view myself - as someone perpetually othered due to being autistic, there’s something delightfully empowering about The Stranger (the fear of the outsider, the unknown, what doesn’t belong). Jon, Martin, Basira, Daisy, and Melanie, our core cast, work for another, The Beholding, which is far and away in my mind the most interesting of them all.

The Beholding is the Fear of being known. Not of having someone know of your general existence, but rather the fear of being utterly known, of having some other being know every inch of you, know your innermost thoughts and innermost fears, the things you would never say to anyone. I am utterly fascinated by the Beholding, for a number of reasons. The first is that I want Jon Sims’ job. I could write you a whole other essay on why I would make a fantastic Archivist, but that is not where I want to go here. No - I want to talk about the concept of Being Known.

I’m someone who doesn’t fit into the norm by any stretch of the imagination, due to a variety of parts of myself that I cannot change, all of which have neat little labels. The only problem with this is that as soon as I tell someone one of those labels, they feel entitled to all that there is of me associated with that label. The best example of this, for me, is being queer.

I’m a lesbian, technically. I’ve just never been overly fond of the term, for a whole variety of reasons, ranging from its use as a slur directed at me during my childhood, to some very complex family history I’d really rather not get into in an essay I’m going to put online eventually. Given this lack of fondness towards the term “lesbian”, I’ve gravitated towards other labels, and I’ve settled - after not very long, to be perfectly honest - on queer. Maybe that’s because I grew up around queer historians, who were rather formative, but that’s beside the point. I chose queer, the queer of “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it”, and of “queer anger is queer power”, and of “not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you” because that was the person I knew myself to be.

Now, when I say I’m queer, its like whoever I’ve told feels like they can ask whatever question they want regarding my life and my identity, purely due to my use of the word. That’s not how it works. Or rather, that shouldn’t be how it works. What I have instead is the perpetual decision to make. Do I want to come out to this person? Can I deal with the questions right now? Are they the kind of person who I won’t mind knowing all of that? Maybe this is why The Beholding is so interesting to me on some level. Of all the Fears, it is the one I feel I contend with the most, the one that holds the most danger for me as a queer person.

The Fears exist as manifestations of common phobias - Jonny Sims, the creator and writer of TMA (not to be confused with the character he voices, Jon Sims, the Archivist), has confirmed as much in his season Q+As. But in seeing their presence in the world of TMA, seeing the ways that they affect those who interact with them - there’s a bizarre sense of comfort in it. Yes, says every statement Jon reads, there is a plausible reason for it all. They are swept up in the Knowing, in the Othering, there is something hovering that makes all the things you fear utterly legitimate, regardless of whatever else you might hear said. You are allowed to be afraid, there is reason, and there is reason that others will ignore, will overlook, but your fear? Your fear is valid. And, says everything that ever goes wrong in a TMA episode, more importantly, you are right to be afraid.

We, as queer people, so often end up being the keepers of the horror. We are left to remember our dead. We are left to fight battles everyone else has declared won. We are stuck in the trenches while the fronts move, trying to maintain a line without support. We scream until we are hoarse because we know from experience that “silence” is a word for gravestones, a word that leads to gravestones. We hold within our community memory, just now recouping the losses that are the consequences of silence by those in power, all the horrors that we have suffered, because no one else wants to remember them. We, as a community, Know.

So The Beholding is ours, twice over. We Know things otherwise forgotten, in the way of the avatars of the Fear, like Jon, and we are Known, and we fear that happening in ways that we cannot control. And if The Beholding is ours, then we also belong to it. We belong to The Beholding in the same way that the archival staff do. And if that is true, then it chose us. 

There is something glorious about the inexorability of joining the service of a Fear, for the sake of this extended metaphor that is really just me screaming into the void about the brilliance of Jonny Sims and my love for TMA. The Fear chooses you, and you are marked by it and bound by it. We have been marked by the fear of Knowing and of Being Known for as long as we have known who we are. It is the fear that we carry with us at all times. It has marked us. It is the Fear that drove me back into the closet for my time at high school in Virginia. It is the Fear that makes me scared for the lives of those I love. It is the Fear informed by the Knowing, by the statistics we see about suicides, about murders, about homelessness, about illness. It is our fear, as a community, as queer people in this modern world. We are afraid of the history we carry, of being silent, of not being heard, of being known too much in the wrong places, by the wrong people, at the wrong time.

I have a pair of earrings that are eyes - the symbol of The Beholding. I was gifted them long before I started listening to TMA, but now they have taken on a new meaning. I put them on any time I know I will have a tough day. I put them on when getting out of bed is a struggle. I put them on, because they belong to The Beholding, and I like to think of The Beholding as mine, as ours.

And if I’m wearing something of The Beholding, maybe it will listen to me. Maybe it will send my story on. Maybe someday, an Archivist will sit down with a tape recorder and commit this to magnetic tape, so that I am never completely silent, so that I can be Known in a way that I can control.

Statement ends. 

[magic-can]

Yeah, there's usually actual mistakes/criticism within the misinformation and hate that makes it hard to have a discussion on, especially with people bandwagoning either side - especially on twitter that promotes toxicity the most. Not saying there aren't outright lies about dream (ex. transphobic, he underpaid artists, said the n-word, is friends with pewdiepie (not that cancellation by association is a good reason but I have seen that used), actual crimes, ect.).

But usually it's something along the lines of saying an actual offence by him and disregarding his apology/changed behaviour (defending the warcry thing, tyrone joke, his conservative past, defending his friend (and himself though I don't think people know he didn't initially say it) for saying the r-slur, the old mlg edit). Like digging up things from the past only works if it wasn't addressed already or they didn't change - and I'm sure some of the people who do dig into his past and share this information genuinely belives he didn't change, because why would they if they didn't watch his content and just heard about it off through word of mouth - some people are genuinely happy to recive news that it was addressed/some postive change was made that go against what they were told.

Or saying an offence by him and not knowing the context/timeline of events, like the pride month thing has so much wrong with how it's conveyed; he usually streams once a month so his fans expected maybe two streams at most, he had a stream on alt with no donations off because he wasn't partnered there and referred people to donate to his main, as well as when he did discord podcasts, he was doxxed that month and it was trending on twitter (very reminiscent of last week, it all started over a joke that become a controversy due to overreactions and him putting his foot in his mouth as well), and raised over 20k before the "end of the month when he only streamed because people called him out" - like yes, a main stream at the end of the month is shitty on paper, but that's omitting a lot of the context that makes this situation a lot less black and white. Him being more transparent by providing an update on when he planned to stream would've solved this allegation entirely but hindsight is 20/20.

I also think he (dream) has a wrong idea of what people mean when people say he needs a PR manager. He responded to this recently about how he doesn't want to come off inauthentic/robotic ect. But his tone does not come off well in text imo, he can mix up what he says on stream but it comes off more genuine, and it doesn't even have to be professional - just someone he trusts to say if something is going to be taken the wrong way, if he's being clear enough. He said on stream that "My fans give me more benefit of the doubt then I deserve and my haters give me no benefit of the doubt" - but his issue is that he doesn't use this logic and work around the fact some people will take his words in bad faith, he gave up in that regard to an extent. He is usually reactionary and lately has been trying to address things as quickly as he can which tends result in him going about it the wrong way.

He also said he understands that "there is criticism in hate" and visa versa and that he doesn't mind repeating apologies when things get brought up again. I really want him to put out a video or post that compiles everything with timelines and addresses everything again where he clearly takes accountability and clarifying whats not true (with a third party that's not controversial though), because at least there is easy access, I know a user here wrote a misinformation document that had links to counter the tumblr anti-dsmp document that went viral, but most people on an individual basis made up their minds already, something like that needs to be more public and widespread. Because no fan really cares if you dislike/hate dream, they just don't like the exaggeration of his "crimes" and the idea that they of all people wouldn't know his mistakes.

On the note of his toxic fanbase, I am biased in that I see adjacent fan bases be just as toxic that don't have lies or narratives about them go viral either (like that the person dream replied to was doxxed - they said themselves they were fine when they participated in his dox spreading, ect) - not that they aren't trash, they set him up a lot by jumping on people, even if some have good intentions w.r.t to fighting misinformation/exaggerations they are largely misguided in how they do so. But I do wish he would address his community more and I think that's true of most of his older fans at the very least, and to be fair he has improved a bit in that regard (not even close to the scale or clarity I would like but alas).

I'm hoping that after he face reveals and isn't paranoid about going outside that it would help him mentally (not that it's okay to speculate on such things but being isolated to a degree is never going to benefit mental health) and be less reactionary on twitter. From a fan perspective he seems to believe it's an equal lose-lose situation, which is sad and harmful that he thinks this when it's really never equal; because with him it's a lose-with-the-high-ground vs. lose-and-promote-more-hate-towards-yourself situation.

This was a bit of an rant/discussion so feel free to ignore, but I think Dream's internet presence is a good case study on things like bandwagons and misinformation and online criticism and honestly I really want him to continue to be better in general going forward so I like talking crit of him even though I do lean towards the defence in this.

If you don’t mind me asking, can you send me the debunking of the viral post? If you don’t feel comfortable doing that then that’s totally fine. If you are fine with it, you can just send me the post through DMs. But yeah, I think making a video of his own would also be a very good idea.

It’s funny that you bring up Twitter, because just the other day I was thinking about how Twitter’s algorithm is built to feed off of unhealthy arguments, because basically the longer you spend on the app yelling at each other the more money they get from ads. There’s also the fact that people tend to associate “both sides” and nuance as fence sitting when a lot of the times that isn’t the case, as you said, things aren’t always black and white. I definitely think that if Twitter wasn’t the way that it is, things wouldn’t be as intense as they are all around, and the misinfo would be much less prevalent.

I do wanna say though, that I honestly absolutely understand being wary of someone because of their current associations (I know people such as Markiplier have completely cut ties from Felix after the sheer amount of shitshows he’s gotten himself into, which I think is a good thing) ESPECIALLY someone like Felix. Maybe Dream just thinks Felix is an edgelord and not someone who straight up spreads hate (mainly because I’ve seen that mentality countless times) but it’s still worth raising an eyebrow at imo.

Anyway, I think a large issue comes with the fact that apologies on a mass scale are not universally accepted - which isn’t a good or bad thing, that’s just how it is. People online seem to think that if one person doesn’t accept an apology, no one can accept it, and vice versa. But that simply isn’t the case. You can make your choice on forgiveness while also respecting someone else’s choice on forgiveness (that is, if they’re in a position to forgive/not forgive).

Also, I didn’t know that he didn’t really go outside out of fear, that’s actually really sad. This extends to traditional celebrity culture too, but I really wish people would leave public figures the hell alone and respect their privacy. No one should have to worry about what would happen to them for just. being out and about.

I really don’t have good feelings about his perspective on a PR manager, bc while yeah they *can* make things less authentic depending on the situation, they can also be very helpful when planning things out and avoiding messy situations like the donation stream fiasco. Same goes for him being so reactionary and well, impulsive (that seems to be a reoccurring thing here, huh?). Again, his channel is MASSIVE - there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that and having someone to work with would definitely lift some of that off him and help him make better decisions, I just hope he realizes that.

I don’t wanna make this response extremely long but I do wanna say that the more I type this out the more I’m thinking about my personal biases and tendency to, as I mentioned before, be impulsive. No one is immune to jumping to conclusions/bandwagoning and I have done that. Even as someone who hates the black-and-white mindsets that dominate online discussions. Pobody’s nerfect, and people are naturally emotional - we just have to remind ourselves not to let initial emotions get the best of us.

Not that I don’t still have criticisms of Dream, but I’m able to think clearer now that I’m not acting on blind emotion and annoyance. You come across as a very thoughtful and insightful person anon, and we need more of that in the world.

[notesfromthefielddesk]

Episode 6 - Tsing part 1

Episode link; https://open.spotify.com/episode/3x0cMRYDmN5M8lDCZIZxEK?si=07ec23a2d8ac485e 

The sound of a temple bell is heard in the cedar forest at dusk,

The autumn aroma drifts on the roads below. 

The moving cloud fades away, and I smell the aroma of the mushroom.

Oh Matsutake:

The excitement before finding them. 

This episode isn’t about Japan. It’s not about Mushrooms. It’s about living in our own mess, it’s about international relations, it’s about capitalist trading. But the same way we can trace politics through cows, or social relations through cockfights, the art of anthropology is in noticing the small things which might teach us more. In the face of global capitalism a mushroom might seem humble but that is what Anna Tsing would call a problem with scale, because as the most valuable mushroom in the world it couldn’t be further from ‘humble.’ 

This is notes from the field desk 

(Theme)

(Sounding sleepy) 

It’s about, ummm quarter to five. I’m in Tsukiji whole-sale market in Tokyo. I’m maybe jet-lagged but that would make it like 9pm to me and actually I feel significantly worse than that. I’m here this early because the auction runs from around 5am to six fifteen. Whilst the market is famous for its tuna auctions, if you’ve seen Jiro Dreams of Sushi then you’ve seen the market and it’s ginormous frozen tuna, but they also sell mushrooms here. This market is in fact so famous they had to ban tourists on several occasions. Thankfully it’s not currently one of those times,i’m sat in the tourist section, i’m in the back because of the desk and well because the guards said I was a disruptive influence. 

I’m paraphrasing he actually said “move it, Deku” before shoving my desk to the back. My translation app couldn’t really figure out Deku so if anyone could help me out with the meaning? It doesn’t really matter, seen as almost everyone is here for the Tuna, I have a pretty clear view of the auctioneers arranging matsutake on a trestle table. The staff are wearing, what kind of look like, bowling shirts (kind of questioning) and baseball caps which have a little board on the front which have some kanji which I can’t read. Really someone else should have come on this trip. 

This is maybe petty but to be honest now I’m doing this because I have to, i’m not enjoying it as much. Is there something wrong with me? Anyway that’s a discussion for another time. 

They are organising the mushrooms by, size, value and origin. These mushrooms have probably been sorted at least twice before by value but origin has a significant impact on their eventual sale price. As one Japanese importer explained to Anna Tsing “Matsutake are like people, American mushrooms are white, because the people are white. Chinese mushrooms are black, because the people are black. Japanese people and mushrooms are nicely in between.” Okay, I recognise that we’ve gotten slightly ahead of ourselves here. How does a mushroom come to cost between 1000 and 2000 dollars per pound? 

Matsutake first appears in a poem from 8th century Japan which praises it’s smell which would go on to become synonymous with Autumn in Japan. The mushroom had started popping up around Kyoto and Nara, areas which had been deforested for timber and fuel. In fact, deforestation is the reason why matsutake became common in Japan. This is because these mushrooms have a symbiotic relationship with red pine trees. Red pines tend to grow most successfully in mineral rich soil left by deforestation and could grow more easily without the shade from broadleaf trees which had been cut down. 

This is the start of Anna Tsing’s interest in these mushrooms, not because she’s just really into foraging, although she is, but because of what they symbolise, think Geertz. In the wake of capitalist ruin, here read deforestation, this mushroom thrived. This is so generally understood about Matsutake that people say the first thing to grow after the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima was a Matsutake. 

Written in the wake of the 2008 financial crash and with the results of climate change becoming undeniable Tsing wants to find a way that people can pull off the same trick. And she found a parallel in the forests of Oregon, but that is for next week. 

So how does a mushroom you literally find in the trash become the most expensive fungus in the world? Well by 1900 in Japan it had become the culturally ubiquitous idea of Autumn. Think lambs in spring or incredibly drunk, sunburnt bald men with a union jack tattoos and British summer. Matsutake were everywhere, in Kyoto, they became the generic term for mushroom. So far, so cheap commodity right? But then in the 50s people stopped using wood as their main fuel, woodland was cut down and paved for suburban development, broadleaf trees grew back and in the shaded forest, Matsutake started to disappear. By the 1970s Japanese Matsutake were incredibly rare. This coincided with rapid Japanese economic development. The culturally significant and now rare mushroom became gifts, bribes and perks for businessmen. Consequently the price skyrocketed.

Huge demand but limited supply in Japan meant the international market suddenly gained importance. And non-Japanese mushroom pickers from around the world flooded into the market. 

Oh hold on the auction is starting. I wanna see if I can buy one. 

Umm I have no idea what is happening. 

Excuse me. Nope ignored. 

Umm. 

Hello. 

13,000 yen! 

(Awkward silence. Fade out.)

Okay so umm, I won the auction. Is that how you say it? But I bought one mushroom for 120 dollars and then they asked me to leave. So we’re set up in a cafe outside the market. If you’re wondering, yes, the guy who has been following me is here. 

Hi mate. You alright? Cool. 

He was in the auction too but I've decided to live and let live. In part because of what i’ve learned from reading Tsing. 

I guess uhh lets see what the fuss about this mushroom is about. 

Smells mushroom nervously

Yep smells like dirt. Cool. What am I going to do with this now?

Okay smells like dirt. Great. That’s 120 dollars for some dirt. I don’t even like mushrooms what the fuck am I doing. Okay, I guess we should talk about isolation and contamination which is where Tsing starts to get confusing, so, sorry about that. I can really understand why the students don’t get it and I think if the last few weeks have proven anything it’s that the students seem to understand anthropology better than I do. But I’ve done the reading and I've got notes so let’s give it a shot. 

Tsing says capitalism is based on a growth and progress model. Wow, we’re off the rails already. In other words, and I'm not an economist so don’t @ me, the health of an individual, company and nation under capitalism are measured by their ability to generate more than they did previously. The aim is for GDP to grow, for company profits to increase, individuals to earn more etc. One way to achieve this end is to focus on scalability. Which is the ability to create more of the same product without changing the product. This is often achieved through isolation. 

Yikes this episode is like “dictionary corner.” For isolation think of old Henry Ford and his assembly line. Instead of 5 guys working on every aspect of a car, the assembly line isolates each component and has one person make that part. Now you can make lots of cars quickly. Take this podcast, I write it, record it, edit it, and upload it. If I hired a writer, an editor and a social media person. I could just record the episodes and we could all be working simultaneously, produce more podcasts, get more listeners, then maybe this podcast could generate a profit. 

Good news right? More of everything is made more quickly for less money, which means we can all have a car. Or a podcast. But Tsing sees some problems. She takes a different example of scalability. Portugese sugar plantations in Brazil. Sugar cane was grown by splitting a sugar cane and sticking it in the ground. Functionally it was a clone brought from New Guinea and planted in Brazil. As a farming product it couldn’t be more isolated. Unlike a matsutake say, which can’t be scaled because it grows almost by random in relation to the soil and the trees around it, the sugar cane has no relationship to its surroundings. 

Now let's talk about the farm workers. Sugar plantation workers were slaves brought from west Africa to Brazil. Like the sugar cane they were isolated with no social relations in Brazil which prevented escape. This is why slave traders split families, social and cultural groups. Their alienation and isolation made them a controllable, standardized workforce. Portugal made huge profits from this and could keep the uncomfortable effects hidden, seen as the whole project took place in west Africa and south America, far away from the Portugese eyes. This is maybe the first example of what academics call “space-time distanciation” I know what the fuck is distanciation other than a great way to be the most hated person at a dinner party or the pub. 

Basically it’s just a bullshit way to say doing things from far away but in real time. So like ugh I don’t know, (Rising anger) a kid in America can snipe you on COD and call you a homophobic slur and you experience it as it happens even though he’s thousands of miles away. And however much you threaten him he won’t experience any consequences because he’s far away and you’re thirty and trash at shooters. (awkward pause) Not a real thing that happened to me, just a random example. 

So this scalability and distanciation were created and spread around the world by European colonists but it was Japanese markets which modernised the idea. In the 60s to the 80s Japan actually gave American economic dominance a little scare because of its shift to outsourcing. Instead of Japanese companies making products in Japan where labour was expensive they made products abroad where labour was cheap and took advantage of increasingly speedy global supply lines to turn huge profits. 

Matsutake picking is an example of this which we’ll talk about more next time but in short, casual workers pick and sell them for a fraction of their market value in America, the middle men then transport it to Japan where it’s market and cultural value is increased and sell it for a huge profit. 

Another example would be fast fashion. Everyone remembers the scandals when it came out that gap or nike or primark had their clothes made in terrible conditions. A lot of brands defended themselves by saying they had no idea about the conditions. To an extent this is true, but it was deliberate ignorance. They put their production in the hands of intermediary companies in countries far away from their shareholders, employees and customers creating plausible deniability.

There is another problem which is obvious really. Scale can only go so far, which is until all the resources are gone. Then the project has to move on and do something else. Think of Japan after they had cut down all the trees. Or if you really want to depress yourself, fossil fuels. 

Okay, okay what’s the point! Tsing says all this stuff, the distanciation, the scalability, the obsession with more profits, the isolation is the cause of the precarious lives more and more people are experiencing. Think of zero hours contracts, or uber driving or amazon workers pissing in bottles. It’s easy to cut wages, to allow bad working conditions, to strip mine the rainforest when we are distanced from the consequences. So long as it happens somewhere else, to someone else, when we have no relationship with the products we consume, or create. Think of the podcast again. If I hired all these people it would be more efficient but then I wouldn’t have the same relationship with it. I would become alienated from it. That’s how little by little people have less of an understanding of the things around them. That’s how we can separate the petrol we put in our cars from the environmental damage that doing that causes. 

Wow. Depressing. Jesus. Remember when this show used to be about cows and magic? 

(sigh) 

Taking things seriously sucks. Okay but Tsing reckons that by looking at these expensive mushrooms there is hope. Capitalism can make us feel lonely but looking at Matsutake reminds us that even in capitalist ruins like a destroyed forest new things can grow. Those things grow from relationships, the encounter between the mushroom and the pine tree and the soil from deforestation. It’s a reminder that we aren’t actually alone that there aren’t any “challenges we might face without asking for help from others, human or not human.” Through relationships we change and Tsing says “The important stuff of life on earth happens in those transformations.” So you know, join your union, talk to your neighbour, forage for mushrooms. It might just make the world better. And if it doesn’t, well at least you have some friends and mushrooms. Wait did i just say join a union? Am I woke? Must be the jet lag.  

Time for the extract; 

How does a gathering become a happening, that is, greater than the sum of its parts? One answer is contamination. We are contaminated by our encounters; they change who we are as we make way for others. As contamination changes world making projects, mutual worlds - and new directions - may emerge. Everyone carries a history of contamination; purity is not an option. One value of keeping precarity in mind is that it makes us remember that changing with circumstances is the stuff of survival. 

But what is survival? In popular American fantasies, survival is all about saving oneself by fighting off others. The “survival” featured in U.S. television shows or alien-planet stories is a synonym for conquest and expansion. I will not use the term that way. Please open yourself to another usage. This book argues that staying alive - for every species - requires livable collaborations. Collaboration means working across differences, which leads to contamination. Without collaborations, we all die. 

The problem of precarious survival helps us see what is wrong. Precarity is the state of acknowledgement of our vulnerability to others. In order to survive, we need help and help is always the service of another, with or without intent. When I sprain my ankle, a stout stick may help me walk and I enlist its assistance. I am now an encounter in motion, a woman and stick. It is hard for me to think of any challenge I might face without soliciting the assistance of others, human and not human. It is unselfconscious privilege that allows us to fantasize - counter factually - that we survive alone. 

How do you conclude something as complicated as this? Okay how about this. Often you’ll hear people talking about capitalist alienation and it’s not really clear what that means. I think what Tsing is saying is that capitalism wants people to be individualised. That way labour can be scaled up, because the products aren’t related to the context that they are made in. So you can make a ford car in a factory in Detroit or Dhaka and the product will be the same. But Tsing is giving us a warning and a reminder that we aren’t individuals. That we have a relationship with everything around us and forgetting this can destroy our surroundings. This means humans and non-humans too! If we’re going to survive late capitalism and climate change we have to re-engage in these relationships. 

[dwestfieldblog]

THERE IS NO SAFE WORD

ATEH MALKUTH, VE-GEBURAH, VE-GEDULLAH, LE-OLAHM...

Anybody who understands my music will never be unhappy again. Beethoven. That sounds like a cue for a song...and here it is...

Well, now we know the actual defined amount of stubborn dumb stupidity for sure in America. Over 70 million morons. Loved seeing Trump jr call on his dad to wage ‘Total war’ (A phrase Goebbels used in Berlin 1943 when the allies were approaching... and we know how that ended, go on Big Don, do the honourable thing for the first time in your foul life.) Junior also said ‘It’s time to clean up this mess and stop looking like a banana republic’. Why yes son, it is, so off you all pop. Daddy is busy implanting his loyalists in the Pentagon and already thinking of running in 2024 but by then he should either be in prison or in exile on a tiny freezing Scottish island with a one hole golf course where he can still cheat. Seems likely he, family and their backers are planning to make good use of their through the looking glass rabies crazed sheep and continue to destabilize America for the Kremlin. Loved that the orange psychopath tweeted early ‘I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT!’ and watched as he demanded all votes be counted...and the more they were, the more he lost by. HILARIOUS.

And his call to arms to ‘Stand back and stand by’ to The Proud Boys, who are not far right Nazi thugs at all no sir. To misuse Hunter S Thompson’s genius for the hundredth time, I hope that this is where the wave (of populist filth Trump has been riding) finally breaks and rolls back. But over 70 million morons say different. The 80 million who voted for the other guy must be happy there are so many who can clean the streets and fill the shelves at food shops. Education needs to be improved in America and Britain next year, a ‘LOT’.

January 20th 2021...Celebrate with joy the end of a despotic douche bag...allow the world to feel lighter. Republicans, you should feel ashamed. America, this bastard has been undoing your Constitution like a prom queen’s girdle for a button mushroom quickie rape for four years and couldn’t have cared less about Covid and how many of you died...as he said ‘It is what it is’. So SAD!!!! Arf. Donald, you are and were nothing more than a spoiled five year old brat with as much empathy for humanity as a lizard. A banishing ritual will need to be performed in around the White House...call up the Native Indians, the witches and South Park and cleanse the area of astral poison. The swamp will be drained when the deranged incubus’s entire family of scheming wannabe aristocrats vacates for good.And don’t let him sit at a little table to pardon them and himself.Lowlifes...speaking of whom...

It has taken a lot to make me smile this year (what, you too huh?) but seeing Rudy Giuliani giving a press conference between a porn book store and a funeral parlour in a parking lot did it. The T family, Jared, Rudy, Pompeo, Paula White (the Unchristian millionaire), the slurring ‘star witness’ Melissa Carone, spokeswoman Kayleigh with her cute little cross and all the rest of those despicable liars must all be flushed down the drains, no second chances, repentance or absolution.And as for Dr Scott Atlas telling the American public to ‘rise up’ against the safety measures called for by the state against Covid...A doctor telling you to ignore the rule against large indoor gatherings etc. A doctor.RISE UP? 12 million cases in the US as of mid November...254 thousand dead. That number is rising fast. Good luck from keeping the world falling on you Atlas, Wonder what the orange one offered him to blab such stinking dung. Another doctor with a hypocritical oath.

The smug toad Steve Bannon on yet another shitestirring podcast,spoke about beheading virologist Dr Fauci and the Director of the FBI Christopher Wray...‘I’d put the heads on pikes, right. I’d put them at the two corners of the White House as a warning to federal bureaucrats, you either get with the programme or you are gone.’Twitter banned him outright (and how long did that take?) but the ever wonderful facebook didn’t think that advocating murder online like any other good fundamentalist was reason enough. They believe in the first amendment, hurrah for the robot Zuckerberg.Like? Dislike? Delete, good luck.

And meanwhile the EU budget, involving 673 billion pounds for Covid connected concerns has been blocked by the continuing charming behaviour of Hungary and Poland. And why would they do that at this time of dire need? Why, because the release of the funds is dependent upon the rule of actual law in each of the countries to which the money is allocated. They have some very naughty politicians there who are upset about this and the darlings have taken it personally. These men could well be directly responsible for hundreds of unnecessary deaths. Hungary’s PM Orban said the clause would ‘jeopardise trust’ between member states. Well pal, they already don’t trust you due to your actions in the last ten years over freedom of speech, assembly, judges etc etc.

The Polish ‘Justice’ minister said the clause was ‘...really an institutional political enslavement, a radical limitation of sovereignty’. Sounds like Nigel Farage.(btw, Love that he lost 10 thousand pounds betting on his golden mate to win the US Presidential election. Oh well, you can pick that up fast enough from taking the Euros you rail against eh? Got to relish the classic two faced double English standards he stoops so low to wave so high) Anyway, I digress, if it seems unfair to Poland and Hungary that they act more like actual democracies rather than extremist populist swine, perhaps they should also leave the EU and team up with Mother Russia and Uncle China.Again, Vladimir must be well pleased with how Europe and America are collapsing.

Belarus...the ‘police’ are beating up women, using stun grenades on unarmed pensioners and teens. These are not police and have nothing to do with any law other than that of the jungle. Lukashenko is their Trump, a man who always swore his country would be independent of Russia and then accepts 1.5 billion dollars in loans. Good luck with paying back the interest with your soul Alex, needs must when the Devil drives eh? Loved how those loyal to the dictator described the protestors as truants and transsexuals’. 150,000 of them? Seems a lot. But never mind, hired thugs and sadists are always easy to come by, whatever the country and whatever the year. Easy work and fun if you enjoy it, conscience free. Sure they are just trying to feed their families.

China wants a global QR Covid code, making tracking humans even easier via their brilliant technology. Let’s see who falls for that one, would you want yet more personal data known by those who created the virus and shot their own children? (For the record, I do not think Covid was taken over there and released by enemy agents and I certainly don’t think it was created by accident any more than the updated version will be.) Making a fortune out of others’ misfortune seems quite like disaster capitalism for communists.  Drug companies will be hoping the 19 virus will ‘mutate’ to 21 and 22 in order that we will all need annual vaccines.

Prague, on the anniversary of the Czechoslovakian Velvet Revolution on November 17th, 250,000 march against their PM, (an ex informer to the communists) who has been Premier for too many years...another rich businessman deep in corruption scandals, I loved his comment after witnessing the thousands that he didn’t ‘understand’ why they were doing it. That said, there were many protesting against the use of...face masks. Ok, by all means choose not to wear them. Then stay the hell away from everyone else until you are vaccinated and don’t you dare go to hospital when you fall ill. Deal?

Englerland...The manic baldhead liar Cummings has at last been kicked out of Downing Street and a fine and noble advisor he was to the PM eh? Herd immunity my arse. Seems possible he might work for Farrage and continue destroying the system from within. Fnord. God help us all, the ‘UK’ is hosting the United Nations Climate Change conference in November 2021 and taking the presidency of the G7 in January...with Boris at the helm? Nobody takes this blustering useless lying cretin seriously unless their jobs depend on him. Tory supporters, what does it take for you to see reason, how much evidence of unending failure? At very least replace the Chumocracy rampant in the government or Doom, damnation, despair, death and more doom will repeat.Nice to see we get the vaccine tested on us first...guinea pigs are safer for the rest of the world on an island...

Fascinated to see that 20m pounds were not available for poor children’s free school meals but 21 million in taxpayers’ money for a go between businessman to get PPE (piss poor excuse/personal protection equipment) for NHS staff, was. How much did the go between pocket? 55 thousand dead in UK, fifth in the world,so proud of the levels of national intelligence and Govermental planning. Brexit and Covid in a double whammy with the most incompetent and corrupt government in my lifetime. As John Lydon used to rant on a perfect loop;’ This is what you want, this is what you get’. Possibly I am abusing his actual meaning, sorry Johnny. No future for the UK...None for me anyway...

Was the UK and America’s snowflake nonsense, seeded with the birth of instagram, tik tok et al/ forums with young folk seeking approval from their peers and feeling important when they were ‘Liked’? A few years later in the (ha ha) real world, they are easily insulted by others who do not find them having much depth or value. Kids’, being ‘liked’ is not the same as being respected, or loved. Pretend alpha males, being feared is not respect either.

‘Since words contain both denotations (referents in the sensory-existential world) and connotations (emotional tones or rhetorical hooks) humans can be moved to action, even by words which have no real meaning or reference in actuality. This is the mechanism of demagoguery, advertising and much of organised religion’ RAW. It also explains why, in tandem with tones, symbols and an altered brain speed,directed Will can cause change in ‘realities’. The litany of ritual, the mantras of magick and images focused to fire with the Tantric arrow. Oops, missed again. Anyway...back to the negativity☺‘

...as population increases, wages fall but later prices increase....and the relation between them –is to be considered the index of revolutionary potential...and can be predicted as precisely as eclipses in astronomy’. Robert Anton Wilson, The Widow’s Son (Hilaritas Press) 1985.

Thanks to Covid, hundreds of thousands of businesses have collapsed; the jobless or part timers are unable to pay rent or feed their families...and receive little or no support from governments who have either pocketed their taxes or just given rewards and contracts to their friends. The overload stress levels and knock on effect on those who had the virus and still suffer -or those who could not get into hospital for treatment will be massive. Every populist knows there has never been a better time to manipulate the fear and anger of the masses. Demonstrations, riots and harsher laws will spread each creating their own chain reaction.Watch out for Nationalists pointing fingers, don’t buy their snake oil. Avoid giving groups like QAnon any of your energy, paranoia is a creepy way to live and a sleazy way to die.

Ten months of reading emails which come across like distress signals or suicide notes from friends or that scene in Interstellar when the son knows his father could be dead by the time the message gets through. BUT...‘Help may arrive invisibly and unexpectedly from unknown sources’. Be open to this. Be sensitive and attuned to quantum parallels, there is a reaction going on to all the uff and crud, sidestep, step to the side... Allwhere and all now. You don’t need to ‘believe’ this, just be aware, sense it.

TANA, ORPHEUS, ARADIA, LUCIFER (or Robin, Marian, Orfee, Bride, all ye gentry come from Side)...Protection and guides, projected archetypes created by our minds and evolved by themselves...

We, as a species, exist in a world in which exists a myriad of data points. Upon these matrices of points we superimpose a structure and the world makes sense to us. The pattern of the structure originates within our biological and sociological properties.Persinge and Lafreniere.1977.

The intelligence should direct the will. Aquinas. The light of the body is the eye; if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light. Matt6:22.

Have tied the last five years together and I have a feeling my time in this country is coming to an end, give it seven months perhaps. Thank you for reading, hope some was entertaining...Withe much Love from Donkey Oti, and Onan the Barbarian, stay healthy, wishing you the best Christmas and 2021 possible, Ba-ra-ka, Et in Arcadia Ego . Love, always.                                

[alexanderwrites]

Top of the Flops - Cursed (2005)

A brief introduction: I watch a lot of movies, and specifically, I watch a lot of terrible movies. On purpose. Perhaps it was growing up on Adam Sandler movies that did it, but I am naturally drawn to the mistakes of cinema. Making friends that are equally as obsessed with the annals of acrid cinema helped encourage my plight, as did the great podcast, How did this Get Made? I’ve learned to embrace my love of the hot garbage, yet all my terrible film watching tended to just fall into a well deep inside my brain where it’d remain, only to occasionally crawl back out and force me to admit: “Oh shit, I think i’ve seen that”. And so, with this feature, I will attempt to look these movies dead in the eye and say “.....alright then”. These films won’t necessarily be the traditional flop, but they will exist in one of three categories (or hopefully, all three): Financial Flop, Critical Flop, or Flop inside my own Heart. And we start with a movie that swipes at those three categories with a badly animated paw and succeeds at being all of them.

Budget: $38m

Gross: $29.6m

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 16%

When you think about something being cursed, sure, you might think of someone bitten by a Hollywood Werewolf. Or, you might think of a film that is produced by Bob and Harvey Weinstein, the unsurpassed ineffectual tinkerers of Hollywood Movies. Cursed has a lot of curses, but it is hard to find one more damning than that of the Weinstein curse, which put this movie through years of production hell while they desperately attempted to lower the rating and stuff it full of stars so that people would actually go and see it. They failed wildly. Pandering is the bread and butter of Horror Cinema of the mid-2000s (let us not forget that Paris Hilton starred in the House of Wax remake that year) and boy does this film come off as a parent trying to access your love by accessing your CD collection (shit, ‘CD collection’? Sorry, this film has put me into 2005 mode, when I actually owned CDs by some of the bands in this soundtrack).

How pander-ific does it get? The film opens with a Bowling for Soup concert. Y’know, the guys who sang Girl all the Bad Guys Want? Yeah, them. Whether or not they were a voice of a generation, this film skews pretty young, and in case you were worried that they’re just aiming for the kids who ride skateboards, worry no more: the singer Mya is at the concert. Yes, the singer Mya. And the strangest thing is, the singer Mya doesn’t sing at all. Which is what, if anything, she was known for. It is entirely possible she showed up to the production, Wes Craven didn’t recognise her and instead cast her as “girl who flirts and therefore gets violently killed”. And later, the trifecta of “WHY ARE THEY THERE” musicians is complete when Lance Bass has a wordless cameo. Oh Bass, you truly were the Alfred Hitchcock of cameos! (Alfred Hitchcock was also the Alfred Hitchcock of cameos, as well as the Alfred Hitchcock of Alfred Hitchcocks). 

Aside from Christina Ricci and Jesse Eisenberg leading the cast, (who no teen on earth cared about in 2005), the film’s attempt to celebrit-ise the cast list is, erm...weird? There’s Shannon Elizabeth (who was 5 years past being popular), Joshua Jackson (who was 10 years past being popular) and Scott Baio (who was literally never popular). As Bart once pointed out: “What’s a Chachi?”. And, if it had been released ten years later, the film could’ve had something on their hands with this cameo...

It’s odd that the film should be such a cynical Hollywood cheap-fest because writer Kevin Williamson (scribe of classics like Scream and...not classics like I Know What You Did Last Summer) is quite the meta lover, and is excitedly peppers the script with lots of digs at Hollywood. They’re not good digs: Jesse Eisenberg suggests that as the werewolf is from Hollywood, it might have breast implants, an image that’s so stupid, yet so viscerally disgusting, that I wish Eisenberg had never opened his bastard mouth to say it. Williamson is not much of a satirist outside of Scream, but you get the feeling he thinks he is. “I’m gonna make fun of dumb old Hollywood whilst making a film that is the most clear cut example of dumb old Hollywood. Haha! Take that, me!”.

The film has promise in its names: Wes Craven behind the camera and Rick Baker on makeup, but in reducing the film’s certificate, The Weinstein’s rid the movie of almost any of that great Baker body horror makeup, and any of that Craven intelligence. I can’t blame it all on them: the scariest thing about it is how horrifically directed it is: it looks like a TV Movie, and I genuinely would not surprised if Craven was napping through 80% of filming. And it’s an odd decision to rely so heavily on cheap looking CGI when Baker is around - it’s like they said “Great, we’ve got Rick Baker on board! Now, lets lock him in that cupboard over there for two years”. Because this film literally took over two years to make. A film taking a long time, a film having reshoots, and a film having rewrites, are three signs your film is in trouble. Cursed has all three of those. I mean, did it really sound promising when Men in Black 3′s rewrites were going so badly that they got Will Smith on board to help out? It damn well didn’t, and we ended up with a film with lines like “I will pimp-slap the shiznit out of you”. In 2012. 

You can tell Cursed was filmed over gigantic periods of time, which would explain why nobody in the film appears to give a shit about anything that’s happening. Ricci, Eisenberg and Jackson seem so entirely bored and quite honestly, sleepy, that it’s baffling that Wes didn’t say ‘Hey can we try that once more but this time not shitty?’. Not that he cared too much - how do you direct a film from someone’s else’s script for nearly THREE years and still care? How do you maintain a solid and consistent directing style over three years? The answer is: you don’t. 

I can not blame the bad performances. The script is so dire and laughable that caring about it requires energy which could be better spent on things such as making some lunch or clearing out your junk mail folders. I mean, what could Ricci possibly see in her character Ellie? She’s a talk show producer which never plays into her story, and after she and her brother are attacked by an LA Werewolf, what exciting changes in her occur? What emotional developments does she have to grapple with? Well for a starter, she wears a new shirt to work. It’s the most nondescript shirt imaginable, and yet it causes her co-worker to tell her she looks “Saucy”. Did I mention that this movie has no idea how people talk or act? She does so little else, except sniff the odd bit of blood, and worry that her brooding boyfriend, Joshua Jackson, isn’t happy with her. His story isn’t much better, the crux of his arc in the first half is “He loves to fuck so much, but can he learn to cut back on all the fucking?”. Oh, and he has a club to open, which is a bizarre Madame Tussauds of horror movie mannequins, but also Cher and Xena, and also a house of mirrors, and also a DJ. And Lance Bass attends the opening. It feels like the weirdest and laziest shoehorn of “Hey here’s some horror movie imagery so we can tie our movie to much better horror movies!”, and the twist is so predictable that I wrote in my notes “If Joshua Jackson doesn’t turn out to be a werewolf I will eat my own hands.”. 

         IF ONLY there was some framing to give me a hint! Darn it!

Meanwhile, Jesse Eisenberg plays Jimmy, who knows he is turning into a werewolf because he went on “internet search” and typed in the words “Werewolf L.A”. He doesn’t seem very bothered, though. As soon as they get home from their initial attack (during which Shannon Elizabeth is in a fiery car wreck and then dragged off to her death), he says, with casual indifference “Well. G’night”. After he saw a woman killed. And after they were attacked by a gigantic wolf. Nobody seems to care about anything that is happening, but why should they? Jimmy’s werewolf transformation is only marginally more exciting than Ellie’s, because he gets the Spiderman 3 style hair makeover (although this is spiky rather than floppy) and he can now suplex his bully. 

Ellie’s transformation means she can catch a fly in her bare hand, y’know, just as werewolves are always doing. The film seems to forget that they’re actually supposed to be werewolves because they never actually turn into werewolves, and it never seems to affect their lives too badly. The traditional impetus for werewolves’ story arc is that they want to stop becoming a werewolves because they don’t want to kill people. That isn’t even hinted at with either Ellie or Jimmy - they never even try to kill anyone, they never fully transform, and the most dangerous Ellie gets is when she yells “Don’t start with me!” at a producer who doesn’t want Scott Baio to be bumped for Carrot Top. Seriously. A moment that is supposed to showcase Ellie’s newfound animal fury involves a conversation about Carrot Top and Scott Baio. For most of the film she doesn’t really believe she’s a werewolf, which gives us a contender for worst line of 2005: “Everybody’s cursed. It’s called life”. Her story is thoroughly underwritten, meanwhile you wish Jimmy’s story was not written at all.

Because he’s Jesse Eisenberg, he gets bullied by someone who throws homophobic slurs at him even though, as Jimmy repeatedly reminds us, he’s not gay. Poor straight kid! That must be tough, being straight! Some of these insults include “Your dog is gay too!”, and “You ass wimp wad”. But it’s okay, because it turns out the bully is gay! And not only that, but he turns up on Jimmy’s front porch and tries to kiss him, which leads to another of the worst/best lines of the film: “i’m not gay....i’m a werewolf”. The nonchalant way he just reveals that information is ridiculous, and is another demonstration of the way that nobody seems to care very much about anything in this movie. The film doesn’t seem to care very much about its set pieces either, one of which happens moments after the porch scene. The family dog for no apparent reason is a werewolf now, too! A vague, fuzzily CGI’d ball of brown that throws itself through windows!

                                   “Ahh!! It’s an....onion bhaji?”

Meanwhile, Joshua Jackson’s secret kind of just falls out, as if Kevin Williamson was like “Oh RIGHT, there has to be an antagonist”. Joshua Jackson is a werewolf after all, and this draws the action towards the opening of his club, where Jimmy’s bully joins them for some reason, and proceeds to get knocked out instantly, a state in which he remains for the entire duration of the scene. 

  “My dying wish is that I one day star in a superhero show that is beloved for      one season and then the most hated thing on TV for the second season”

The great TV writer John Swartzwelder was known for using “for some reason” in his scripts, which worked beautifully for a solid, absurd joke. But Cursed is a supposed horror film that takes “for some reason” and bases its entire third act on it. Why are they all here at this club? Why is Judy Greer turning into a werewolf now? And why, by any stretch of the imagination, did the writers think that, after having her looks insulted, it’d be a good idea to have the Greerwolf do this:

Yes, Judy Greer is the last-minute big bad wolf, but to what end? Where was all the build up to that? What is her motivation? And how much longer if there left of this film? She gives an expository dump about how much she hates women and thus wants to eat her, and it carries about as much weight as the fly that Ellie caught earlier (callbacks!). The big fight between Greerwolf and Jimmy & Ellie feels totally unearned, and they don’t even use any of their Werewolf abilities. I mean, sure, it’s a fun sight seeing Jesse Eisenberg charging at Greerwolf with a sword and shouting “yyAAAH YAAAAAAAH”, but the scene ends without Ellie and Jimmy doing anything impressive at all, and instead a bunch of cops just shooting her to death. It’s not very clever or satisfying. At least she got to crack a few lines before her time was up, including “Showtime. Isn’t that what they say?”. Uhh...yeah I guess? Good one? The film cannot seem to make up its mind on what any of the characters think or want, and so Joshua Jackson goes from good, to bad, to good and back to bad again, and not for one second does the disinterest on his face let up.

      “I’m a fuckin wolf and uh, i’m gonna eat you now I guess. Or not. Wes!?”

The final set piece, which limps along after what feels like a 20 minute film (which is actually 100 minutes) occurs after 3 acts which involve zero emotional development, and zero cool werewolf moments. Surely now is the time for our protagonist, Ellie, to have both? Nah! Instead she slowly sort-of turns into a werewolf, by getting lumpy skin and big teeth. She never fully transforms (“It happens slowly at first” says Jackson, meaning “we don’t have the budget for a full transformation”) and doesn’t even get to overpower Joshua Jackson, which would’ve at least given her some agency and closure. That task is left to Jimmy who crawls around on the ceiling for a bit, (another classic werewolf attribute??) before eventually stopping Jackson with a shovel and a....cake serving knife. A cake serving knife that you see a lot of in the film, because apparently cake serving knives are really cool props to have as a sort of Chekhov’s Cake Server?

            “Teenagers LOVE cake servers, right” - Kevin Williamson

Jimmy saves Ellie with the help of the cake server, and once Jackson is down, Ellie at the very least she gets to smash Jackson’s head off, and his body burns. Kitchen RUINED. She doesn’t even seem upset that she’s had to smash her supposed love’s head clean off his body. And mere moments after this, Jimmy’s crush comes to the door having found their were-dog, and conveniently knowing that a) it’s his dog and b) where he lives. They have a kiss and walk off, with his bully in attendance because apparently he doesn’t have a family of his own. They all got over that evening pretty fast. After tearing a werewolf’s head off and having your sister nearly killed, would you not want to hang out for a bit longer? Just have a bit of a night in? Instead, it’s a casual “Well that’s done then, bye!”. And there’s his arc. He’s made a friend, got a girlfriend, and saved his sister. And what was Ellie’s arc? She wears a new shirt, has her life nearly ended several times, has her house ruined, and then, as Jimmy fucks off with his mates, she closes the film with the line “I’m just gonna stay here and clean”. Seriously. That’s her resolution. That’s how she ends the film. Bloodied, miserable, alone, and cleaning up the gore in her kitchen. I can’t wait for Cursed 2 to see if she managed to successfully hoover up all that werewolf fur!! 

It’s a real failure of a film in every regard. It does lean towards trying to be fun rather than trying to be scary, but couldn’t it have tried to be even a bit spooky? Could the jump scares have not been so endless and predictable. I mean, ten points for anyone who can guess where the jump scare is coming from in this scene:

Yes, a cuckoo clock is about as scary as it gets. I could tolerate the lack of care put into the story and the characters if the action and horror were there, but they really aren’t. There is nothing tense, well crafted or smart in the film. It’s baffling to think this is the guy who made Scream and A Nightmare on Elm Street, because this doesn’t just feel like it was directed by someone having an off day, it feels like it was directed by someone whose only experience is directing episodes of MTV’s Cribs. It doesn’t attempt to subvert, improve or even just successfully repeat the werewolf formula, instead it just throws random iconography from those movies at you with Dashboard Confessional songs playing loudly enough to distract you from this terrible film with an even more terrible soundtrack. Terrible, and yet I did have fun with it. It actually benefits from being flimsy and light as air, and as dreadful as it gets, I did appreciate it not taking itself too seriously. There are enough unintentionally funny and simply bizarre moments to make it an enjoyable watch, and it’s not the most hatable of films. It could almost have had a charm, if it wasn’t really, really, extremely bad. 

Worth a hate watch?: Yes

Worst/best line: “I’m not gay....i’m a werewolf”

Worst film of 2005?: Son of the Mask, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Doom, XXX 2, The Pacifier and Bewitched all came out in 2005, so no. Cursed might be a bad film from a bad year, but it is not the worst. Rob Schneider knows very well which film is the worst of 2005. 

[dreamingangelwolf]

Something New

So I had an idea the other night, and thought it would be a good time to make use of the Start With This podcast I began listening to last year (and never acted on...). This is a very rough first 2,000 words. The idea isn’t fully formed yet, all I know is it’ll be a bit of a blend of cyberpunk and fantasy. We’ll see where it goes, I guess.

Untitled

“Come to a ’borg fight.”

Two tickets were slapped down on the table. Raising his eyebrows, Seth flicked his eyes up at the intruder. “Now?”

Casper grinned sharply. “Yeah, now. I just made a juicy trade for these, and I’ll be fucked if I let you ruin the moment with your anti-social bullshit.”

“I’m not anti-social,” Seth scoffed, refocusing his attention on cleaning his handgun.

“Right, yeah,” Casper drawled. “’cause your guns are such great talkers.” He picked a ticket up and tossed it loosely at Seth’s face, the plastic clattering when it bounced off him and onto the floor. “Shift your arse, first fight starts in ten.”

Sighing through his nose, Seth picked the ticket up as Casper made his way to the door. “Who’s there?”

“Huh?” Casper sniffed, scratching at his chin. “Think the headliners are Metallicos and –”

“Not talking about the fighters, Casp.”

He scowled, hands going into his trouser pockets. “Who says anyone’s there?” he grumbled, then jerked his head to the side. “Get moving before I drag you there myself.”

Unwilling to get into an argument about it, Seth relented, quickly tidying away his cleaning things and stowing the handgun parts somewhere out of sight. He scooped up the tickets and his jacket, inspecting the digital faces. “What did you trade to get these, then?”

Opening the door, Casper grinned. “A pound of flesh.”

“Fucking hilarious.”

“Alright, alright!”

The streets outside were wet and dark, filled with people heading home for the evening or already hunkered down in the least-flooded spot they could find. Casper and Seth joined a stream of excited foot traffic heading in the direction of the Cages, the basement club-come-fighting ring that somehow managed to avoid being shut down by the authorities despite putting minimal effort into hiding its slightly illegal entertainment. Seth tugged his jacket collar closer around his neck, head ducked against the cold and to better hear Casper as he told the tale of the traded tickets.

“So you know that data stick I found in that dead guy’s head last week?”

He wrinkled his nose faintly at the memory. Casper hadn’t even bothered cleaning the gore off it before he’d shoved it in Seth’s face to show him. “Yeah?”

“Right, well I mentioned it in passing to Scuzzy the other day, and he said he knew this bird who was looking for random data sticks. He asked me what I’d want in return for it, and I said ‘Scuzz, you get me two tickets to Cages, the brain stick is yours’, and now here we are.”

Giving him a sceptical side look, Seth said, “And you don’t think Scuzzy’s going to come demanding repayment when he realises you’ve traded him a piece of junk?”

Casper waved a hand. “He never said this girl wanted working data sticks. I mentioned the rotting brains shit and he didn’t bat an eyelid, anyways.”

“Did you tell him we’d tried reading it?”

“Seth boy,” Casper tittered, slinging an arm around Seth’s shoulders as they walked. “Scuzzy never asks shit that don’t need asking; he wanted a data stick, he got a data stick – I got my tickets. Case closed. Now get that other stick out your shitter and just enjoy yourself, yeah?”

Seth snorted. “Your way with words is making dead poets turn in their graves,” he said, and Casper clapped him on the back.

They made it to Cages midway through the first fight. Casper pushed their way through the crowd surrounding the caged ring, searching for someone, Seth suspected. He followed his friend nonetheless, mildly pleased when they diverted over to the bar – less so when Casper tried to order for them both.

“Two double cokes please, love!”

“One single,” Seth cut in before the bartender went to make them.

“What you playing at? A fucking single?”

“Doubles aren’t worth the shit they’re made from.”

“Wanker,” Casper threw back at him. “You’re supposed to enjoy yourself tonight. This is a treat!”

“For you, maybe,” Seth said, turning to cast his gaze over the crowd. Most of Cages’ clientele were hard-line cyborgs or cyborg wannabes, or people who just enjoyed the thrill of underground cyborg fights. The two contestants in the cage were in the throes of their battle, pacing around each other for a momentary reprieve. One guy had a cybernetic leg, the technology exposed from his foot all the way up under his shorts, likely ending at either the top of his thigh or his hip. His opponent displayed a mechanical forearm, the hand replaced with a wicked looking shiv, already decorated with a metallic red, the same colour cut across Cyber Leg’s ribs. Their skin was almost as shiny as their enhancements, sweat-slicked and glistening under the show lights, blood and bruises adding quick flashes of colour. Judging by the shapes and number on Shiv Hand’s torso, Seth deduced the cybernetic leg had something of a power kick in it – and sure enough, when Shiv Hand darted forward to draw his enemy into a spar, Cyber Leg spun out to the side and kicked the cybernetic up, planting his foot into Shiv’s side with enough speed and force to break bone. As it was, Shiv Hand merely cried out and staggered back, a flash of metal visible between a new tear in his flesh.

The crowd roared.

A glass nudged his arm, and Seth turned to accept it. Casper leant in to shout down his ear: “Donnie’s here!”

Seth groaned, the noise lost under the cacophony. Still, Casper gestured for him to follow, and after discerning that he definitely had a single coke, Seth did.

Luckily, Casper and Donnie kept to themselves, and Seth turned a blind eye to whatever ‘business’ discussion they were having. The fights held little entertainment value for him, the only point of interest being the various enhancements on show – one woman had a reinforced exo-spine, another man had shock-absorbent wrists with cybernetic hands, the metal on display at his fingers like knuckle dusters, and someone else had lens-eyes, possibly analysing opponents during fights. Seth found it morbidly fascinating.

Almost two hours passed before he suddenly registered a pressure at the base of his skull. He let out a breath, the club’s sounds already fuzzing a bit at the edges, and grasped Casper’s shoulder. “I’m going outside,” he said, alarmed by the way he had to force the words out. “Casper.”

“Yeah, what?”

“Going outside,” he all but slurred.

“Right, whatever,” Casper said, and turned back to Donnie. Seth cussed him out in his mind, then tuned his efforts into getting through the thick crowd and back to the club entrance. He needed somewhere devoid of people, just a space to himself for a short while. His vision was blurring before he reached the doors, and he staggered out onto the street with less grace than a drunkard, barely making it around the corner of the building before falling sideways against the grimy wall and sliding down fast. He was unaware of meeting the ground.

An explosion was tearing through the ceiling, dust and debris raining down at a snail’s pace, the glow of billowing fire and smoke visible through splinters. There was a sense of falling backwards, avoiding something – or the someone falling forwards, dark hair obscuring his face, arms raising to shield his head. Just his? Or perhaps both of them... A wave of heat preceded a dull, growing roar, like thunder approaching in a storm-ridden sky, and the fire cloud pushed through, shaking the world with its anger – or was that even the fire’s?

“Hello?”

Ruby watched the young man slumped in the alley. He hadn’t responded to her attempts at getting his attention, likely higher than a skyscraper, but as she called out to him again his brow shifted into the beginnings of a frown. Crouching, she cocked her head, waving a hand in his face. “Can you hear me?”

A few seconds later, he nodded once, the movement sluggish and almost involuntary. His eyes remained unfocused.

“Do you know where you are?” she asked, making each word clear. Another slow nod was all the response he could seemingly manage. “Did you come here alone?” This time, he blinked, managing a lopsided head shake. There was more effort put into that gesture than the nod, though.

“Are we doing this deal or what?”

Ruby shot a glare up at the man looming over her. “In a minute,” she said, tone clipped. “Let me help him first.”

She didn’t miss the way Scunthorpe’s eyes widened as he looked at the young man before her, or his attempt to cover the fact. “It’s just one more street druggie. Probably wandered away from a den or something.”

“So?”

“So leave him and give me my damn money.”

“You’ll get your money once I’ve called him an ambulance,” Ruby said, but as she reached into her pocket for her phone, cold, weak fingers tried to grasp her wrist. The young man was looking at her now, his gaze still not quite focused, but considerably more aware than he had been a moment ago.

“No,” he grunted - or made a noise that could have been the word ‘no’.

“Yes,” she countered, taking out her phone despite his protest. “You need one.”

“Be fine.”

“Fine is not how I’d -”

“Five minutes,” he mumbled.

Before she could deny him even that, Scunthorpe had squatted down next to her, his back angled towards the unwell man, the data stick he’d promised her in his hand. “Here,” he snapped in a hushed tone. “Take it and give me my bloody money.”

Ruby eyed the stick curiously. It was fairly plain, a simple grey strip with an old, twenty-first century port at one end, a bit rusty-looking but not enough to stop it functioning. What really caught her attention, however, was the tension running through Scunthorpe’s whole body. “What’s wrong?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, a vein bulging by a temple. “Don’t push me, girl,” he snarled. “Money, now.”

Meeting his wild gaze levelly, Ruby fished in her coat lining with her free hand, pulling out a thin stack of currency chips. “Don’t call me ‘girl’,” she warned before offering them out to him. Without another word, he took the chips and replaced them with the data stick, springing up and away in a heartbeat. She couldn’t help but scoff at his hasty retreat – the amateur hadn’t even checked the value of the chips.

Unless he was in too much of a hurry to care.

Pocketing the stick safely inside her coat, Ruby turned back to the man in front of her. He wasn’t so slumped against the wall as he’d first been, now leaning forward a little, one arm braced behind him, eyes moving between blinks. That was a good sign, but she still raised her phone up, saying, “I’m getting that ambulance for you now.”

“I told you,” he said, his words no longer slurred or mumbled, though still faintly laboured, “I don’t need one.”

“Forgive me for not being convinced.”

“I haven’t taken drugs.”

“I wouldn’t judge you if you had.”

“I don’t,” he insisted, finally making eye contact. He had interesting eyes, a deep amber colour, like the glowing orange of a fiery sunset, bordering on blood red –

“Your nose is bleeding.”

He dabbed a finger at the blood at the top of his lip, unfazed by the information. “Yeah, that happens.”

She eyed him critically. “This has happened before?”

“It’s nothing new,” he answered, sounding almost perfectly fine now. He made to stand up, even when Ruby tried to keep him sat down, so she relented and assisted him in getting to his feet. When he was upright and not wobbling, wiping at the seat of his trousers to dislodge the mud that clung to him, she wondered why Scunthorpe had clearly been so agitated by him.

“What’s your name?”

He huffed, glancing up at her from under his brow. “Do you really need to know that?”

“I suppose not,” she said, folding her arms. “But I’m curious how you know Scunthorpe.”

“Scuzz? Friend of a friend is all.”

“Hmm.” Taking a gamble, she took the data stick out from her coat and held it up. “Recognise this?”

The way he stilled at the sight of it was a dead giveaway. “You’re the lady after data sticks?”

“Maybe.”

He gestured at it loosely. “You’re wasting your time with that one. It’s a dud.”

She chuckled. “Trust me, this is not a dud.”

“We tried it,” he said. “Couldn’t read it. I think it’s corrupted.”

“And if I knew how to get past the corruption?”

An eyebrow twitched. He took a second to wipe at his nose again, blood on his jacket sleeve. “Good for you, I guess.” He was looking at the stick.

A slow smile spread over Ruby’s lips. “Want to find out what it says?”

Barely a heartbeat passed before he agreed.