#yes i am assuming season 2 is real already

[gay-strawberry]

edwin losing niko right when he can finally talk about gay crushes and feelings is crazy. what is he suppose to do now ??? talk to charles the crush ? to crystal the situationship of the crush ?? to monty the crow ?? the cat king ??????

i hope niko comes back on the first minute of the second season because i cant do this without her

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Hey i really love your fics. I was wondering if you could write(if you'd have time,of course) Sihtric x reader where she gets transported back in time from 2023 into 9th century, I was thinking season 3. Anyway, so Sihtric could meet reader in the middle of a forest, and he will be live really surprised by her appearance, like mini skirt and a blouse,or short dress, and he gets instantly smitten with her. And she thinks that he is some sort of cosplayer,but she soon realizes that she travelled back in time. So,they get together on his horse and meet with Uhtred and the rest of the boys and go back to Coocham. She gets a place to stay and helps Gisela. I don't know how it goes from there,you could make it whatever you want. Thanks im advance,could you do it like longer and include some smut. Thanks a lot. Have a good day. (Also,have I mentioned that you're my favourite writer here?) Bye.

Warnings: a little suggestive, not much.

Pairing: Sihtric x modern!you (f)

Summary: see request!

Word count: 3k

Note: first of all; OH MY GOD thank you, yes! I am thrilled to write this. I did make some slight changes to your request as I know fics with this theme have been written already, and I don't want to accidentally write something that's nearly the same. So, you requested a longer fic, and this is part 1. Part 2 will be up soon, and that's not the end of it as I am having a lot of fun with this one. And I am your favourite writer? Stop it! Thank you, dear anon. I hope you enjoy this part.

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat  @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @valeskafics

 'You know of Kjartan?'

******************

You don't remember how you ended up here, or why, all you know is that you woke up with a killer headache in the woods. It seemed like you had spent the night there, as you found yourself waking up, covered, under a pile of crispy leaves. In your Halloween outfit. That's right. You apparently got so drunk at the party that you fell asleep in the woods somewhere on your way home, dressed like a slutty Freddy Krueger, wearing a short, ripped, red and green sweater dress with black fishnet tights underneath and black biker boots. It seemed like you also had been robbed when you were sleeping, as your phone was gone, as were your hat and the bladed glove, which were both part of your outfit. 

You felt rather relieved when you walked into a man, who was also dressed up, while you had tried to find your way out of the woods. Which seemed impossible, because you simply didn't recognise anything, as if you had never been there before.

The man was a little startled when you suddenly ran up to him, asking for help, and it confused you even more that he had looked confused.

'Can you help me?' you had asked, 'I've lost my phone and I seem to be lost too. I have no idea where I am. I was at the party last night, I assume you were too, judging by the outfit,' you gestured at him, 'I just need to use your phone. Maps, you know? So I can figure out where I am.' The man was quiet as he took a bite of his apple. And as you simply waited for him to take out his phone, you took in his appearance. He was handsome. You don't remember seeing him at the party, as you were sure you would remember a pretty boy such as himself. 

He had short, dark hair, shaved on both sides with two small braids which had some beads in it. A tattoo graced one side of his head, starting above his ear and ending onto his neck. You wondered if the tattoo was real, because you thought it looked pretty damn hot, but it could be a jobstopper. He was wearing a thick, black fur cloak, which you were quite jealous of, because you absolutely regretted dressing up the way you did. You were freezing. 

You couldn't really tell what was underneath the cloak, but you couldn't lie, you'd love to find out what he was hiding under there, but all you could see made you assume he just really liked Game of Thrones or something. You could see his shoes and they seemed rather rough. The man was surely dedicated to his outfit.

'You're dressed up as that winter is coming guy, right?' you asked, breaking the awkward silence as the man didn't seem to reach for his phone, or anything else.

'Lady?' the man simply said, confused. You felt slightly spooked as he suddenly spoke.

'The tv show?' you frowned, 'what's his name, ehh, crap. You know, winter is coming or whatever he says? John something… Stark? No, Stark is Iron Man, ehh, you know, right?' you tried and failed. The man looked you up and down, still confused, but you could see he was more or less checking out your bare legs.

'I do not understand, lady,' the man spoke more words now, carefully, and you felt your knees weakening upon hearing his soft, low voice and that sexy accent he carried.

'It's, ah,' you sighed, 'nevermind. I never saw the show either. I just, can I please borrow your phone?'

The man looked at you curiously. Still very confused, but also curious now, and it seemed as if he was thinking really hard about his next words to you.

'No?' he said slowly, not sounding really sure about his own words. But the man simply had no idea what he was saying no to.

'Oh,' you grimaced, 'eh, okay. Can you then at least tell me where we are?'

'Near Coccham, lady,' the man suddenly spoke confidently and a smile appeared on his lips. 

God, he was absolutely adorable, calling you 'lady'? Oh, he could call you 'lady' whenever he wanted. Where did this guy come from? You sure hoped you had a mutual friend, because you were to get this boy's number somehow. And as you were already imagining what he looked liked under that cloak, you barely registered what he had said to you.

'Wait,' you suddenly snapped back to reality, 'where?'

'Coccham, lady,' he took a step closer, 'Wessex.'

'Wessex?' you frowned. Last time you checked the party was in London.

'Are you from Mercia?' the man asked, getting a better look at you as his eyes grew wider with each step he took towards you.

'Mercia?' you shook your head, 'n-no. I'm from London.'

'Lundene?' the pretty boy gasped, and his eyes couldn't possibly get any bigger, 'but Lundene is a dangerous place for a lady like you.'

'Eh,' you chuckled nervously, 'it's… not really? I mean, I grew up there, so, you know?'

'You live there, lady?'

'Yes?'

'Do you work there?'

'Well, duh, yeah.'

'Are- are you a whore?'

'Excuse me?' you scoffed.

'Lord Uhtred says I- I shouldn't fall in love with a whore again. They only want my silver,' the cute boy suddenly rambled, 'and I mean, I-I have silver! I do. Enough, lady. I can… I could buy you pretty things, if you like, and… but, n-not if you are a whore. I shouldn't do that. Not again. Lord Uhtred says you all want the same,' he stopped talking and suddenly looked shy, as he saw your confused and offended look.

Of course, the hot guy was an absolute nerd and probably a fulltime larper, not that there's anything wrong with that, it just wasn't really your cup of tea. You almost rolled your eyes when you suddenly wondered if larpers like to get a little spicy and hot when they wear their outfits. Was he just role playing now? Was this a larper way of hooking up? You became a little interested in playing along, seeing where this was going, and if he would ever break character. Or… if he was lucky and ended up in your bed, you wondered if he would still call you 'lady'?

'And… what is it we want?' you feigned curiosity.

'My silver, lady,' he chuckled lightly.

'Your silver,' you nodded and tried to look serious, 'and this lord…'

'Lord Uhtred,' the man smiled proudly.

'Uhtred. Where is this lord?'

'In Coccham, lady, I can take you there.'

'To meet the lord?'

'If you wish to, yes, lady.'

His offer was a little tempting, you wondered where on earth he would take you if you accepted. To see a lord? Lord who? And where? Was there a little larp camp somewhere in the woods where you'd be put on trial for dressing like… a whore apparently? Or would he take you to some kind of medieval sex dungeon where you could meet his "lord"? You snorted lightly at that last thought.

'Sure, why the hell not,' you blurted out, 'I am cold. I just want to get out of here. Take me to your lord,' you sighed.

'You are cold, lady?' the man looked a little concerned, which you thought was sweet, even if it was just an act, he did it well, and he was really cute.

'Yeah,' you scoffed lightly, 'I slept here apparently. I'm freezing my ass off.'

The man frowned with a smile as he listened to you. Then he unclasped his cloak and took another step closer to offer you the warm fur.

'Take this, my lady, it will warm you.'

'Eh, are you… sure?'

'I insist,' the man smiled. So damn adorable.

'O-okay, thank you,' you smiled as you took his cloak and wrapped it around your shoulders. 

It was heavier than you expected, but it was nice as it was still radiating from the man's body heat, which warmed you instantly.

'Thank you,' you said again, 'what's your name?'

'I am Sihtric, lady, and you?'

Sihtric took your hand as you told him your name, and he pressed a gentle kiss upon the back of your hand, which unexpectedly made you blush.

'So, is Sihtric your real name?'

'Yes, lady,' Sihtric said with a smile, which faded slightly for a moment as it seemed he started to doubt his own name, but his grin quickly reappeared again, 'it's Sihtric, lady,' he nodded confidently.

'So, it's not the character you are dressed as?'

'W- what do you mean?' he asked hesitantly.

'Your name,' you smiled friendly, 'like, on your passport it really says Sihtric?'

'My… pass for… a -a port?,' Sihtric said slowly and shook his head, 'I- I am afraid I do not understand, my lady.'

What a peculiar guy he was. You figured he was probably the typical quiet, shy and polite guy, who would later on completely ravage you with his lord in that sex dungeon you still expected to see.

You smiled at him and told him to forget about it, and just take you somewhere warm. To which his face lit up and he told you that you could ride with him. You gladly accepted and couldn't wait to get into his car. You hoped it was a fancy car, one with heating in the seats, because your legs felt like popsicles now. You followed him and studied his outfit as you glanced over to him a few times. His armour looked good, expensive. You wondered where he got it from. Etsy, maybe? Definitely custom made. The guy must have money. You liked his Mjölnir necklace, the one thing you did recognise, and you told him. Which caused him to blush lightly as he clutched it in his fist, telling you that you must have been sent by the gods.

You felt yourself blush at his words and you had to admit, the medieval way of flirting definitely did something to you. 

You studied his face now that he was closer, and you noticed he had several scars. Your eyes then trailed down to his hands, and you became a little uncomfortable as you saw that not just his face, but also his hands had scars, which looked a little too realistic. You wondered if larpers really went for that many details these days. And then you noticed his rings and the tattoos on his fingers.

'Are those real?' you pointed at the lines on his fingers, to which he nodded with a shy smile.

'Does it mean something?' you asked, genuinely curious.

'Each line is one man I killed during battle.'

'Oh,' you said, not expecting that for an answer, 'and… h-how many have you… killed?' you played along.

Sihtric looked at you and held up both his hands, showing you he had quite an amount of lines tattooed. You gave him a polite smile and looked down at your feet, slightly concerned, while you continued the walk to his ride.

'There she is,' Sihtric smiled after a short while.

'A… a horse?' you frowned. 

What in the fuckery is this? He had a horse? The man literally had a horse, here, in the woods, while he was dressed as a medieval themed stripper with all his gold and silver.

'Sihtric,' you said calmly, 'is this,' you paused, not trying to snap at him, 'is this your… ride?'

'My horse, yes,' Sihtric smiled, once again proud, 'expensive she was, but a great beast.'

You watched Sihtric pet his horse and you were just at a loss. You grew a little tired of the joke, as you just really wanted some food, some water and warm clothes. Preferably at your own house. But as you still had no idea where you were, or how you ended up here, you really had no other choice than to go with Sihtric. But you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, you just didn't know what.

'Lady,' he smiled, 'will you hand me the cloak?'

'Eh, sure?' you said, taking it off and handing it to him. 

You shivered as you watched Sihtric throw the majestic cloak around his shoulders, and then he beckoned you over. Cautiously, and confused, you walked over to him and his ride, and with ease he mounted you upon his horse. You chuckled lightly at the incredibly weird moment, but the warmth of the animal was pleasant against your cold legs. Before you realised it, Sihtric got up on his horse and sat behind you. Without speaking, he pulled you firmly against his chest, wrapping you inside his warm cloak along with him as he took the reins and ordered the horse to walk.

You had to admit there was something romantic about this, and if this Sihtric guy was trying to hit on you, he was definitely doing it the right way. You couldn't help but feel warm and comfortable against the stranger's chest and inside his cloak. You dare say you even felt safe.

'Are you spoken for, lady?' his voice sounded pleasantly close to your ear when he spoke after a while.

'Eh, no,' you chuckled lightly, 'I am not.' 

You heard Sihtric hum softly and you couldn't stop the sudden smile that formed on your face. So he was hitting on you.

'Why?' you decided to ask, 'are you spoken for?'

'No,' he said softly. You glanced over your shoulder and looked up at Sihtric, whose face lit up again and he said, 'not yet.' 

You blushed lightly as you understood what he meant, and you quickly turned away from him. If he married you during the larping, would it be official? You had so many questions. Even more questions raised, as your feeling of dread raised too, when you realised you still didn't recognize anything around you as your journey continued. And the feeling of disorientation consumed you when you suddenly saw a fortress in the distance. And you finally gave in to your gut feeling, accepting that something was very, very wrong. 

You were sat upon a horse, in the arms of a very hot, medieval looking man, who had asked if you were a whore, and you both had no phone. You had no recollection of getting here, you did not recognize these lands, and you knew for a fact that the fortress you closed in on, was not something created by larpers. Not on this scale.

You tried to put everything together, realising this was some Back to the Future shit. Except, this wasn't the future. This was back to the past. Way back to the past. You suddenly felt lucky that you had paid attention in school during the history lessons, as you were pretty good at that, and you remembered that Wessex became the Kingdom of England in 927. But, clearly, Wessex and Mercia were still separate now, so the year was not 927.

'Where are you from, Sihtric?'

'Dunholm, my lady.'

Dunholm. You remembered Dunholm. You knew there had been a battle and you tried to remember what year it took place. You couldn't get it right. But Dunholm… it bugged you. There was something you knew about Dunholm and clearly wanted to remember. You fidgeted with Sihtric's cloak, pulling some threads as you tried to remember what you learned about it.

'Kjartan,' you suddenly said out loud, 'the cruel.'

Sihtric abruptly stopped his horse.

'You know of Kjartan, lady?' he suddenly asked, his voice a little less soft than before.

'I-I have heard of him, yes.'

'Then you know he is dead.'

Kjartan was dead. Okay, good. Information. When did Kjartan die again? Ehh, it had to be… around 879? 880 maybe?

'Oh, yes,' you chuckled, trying to sound confident, 'of course, he is dead. Ehh.. a shame right?'

'Sure. A shame I didn't kill him,' Sihtric huffed as he spurred the horse to continue.

'Oh,' you grimaced, looking down at the lines on his fingers, understanding that Kjartan was not one of those lines.

'W-when exactly did he… die?'

'It's been thirteen summers, lady.'

Thirteen. Okay, that means you're probably in… Oh, dear god…

'893,' you whispered as you walked through the gates of a burh, which Sihtric had told you was Coccham.

******************

'We are here, my lady,' Sihtric said, quickly dismounting his horse. He held his hands out, helping you off his horse by placing his hands on your hips while you found support by resting your hands on his shoulders. And so he gently brought your feet back on the ground. All while his big eyes looked at you with admiration, as if you were otherworldly. Sihtric was simply besotted by you and your appearance, and he already knew that he would do whatever it would take to make you his wife.

His hands lingered on your waist as he looked down into your eyes, and that's when you noticed he had two different coloured eyes; one hazel and one blue mixed with grey. And if you weren't so anxious, you would've thought it was the most mesmerising sight.

Sihtric noticed your face had grown grave with concern, which he didn't understand. You came from Lundene, of all places, you shouldn't have reason to feel anxious about a place like Coccham. And as Sihtric felt somehow naturally drawn to you, he didn't like the way you had become tense. Yet he also didn't know how to comfort you or if you would even allow him. But all he wanted to do at that moment was to wrap you in his arms. Instead, he took off his cloak again and threw it over your shoulders, covering you up.

Sihtric said he didn't want you to be cold, which was partly true, as it was winter and the lack of clothes you had on was concerning, but he also didn't want any other man to see what he already felt belonged to him.

[justjenah]

Cowboyification as Harm Reduction

I find Michael’s cowboyification to be fascinating.

It would be incredibly easy to reduce his choice to embrace being a cowboy as simple machismo or toxic masculinity. But I would argue it’s much closer to a form of harm reduction.

When it comes to accusations of machismo or toxic masculinity, Michael’s own actions repeatedly seems to defy those claims.

When we see Michael and Mike in Latvia, in seasons four and five especially, Michael is incredibly open with Mike about the fact that he struggled and likely engaged in self harm.

See episode 58 for example:

Mike: This afternoon you mean. Why are we eating breakfast at 1 in the afternoon?

Michael: Because I waited for you, dipshit. Yes, I am always in pain, and I self-destructed just like you did and that’s how I know that it’s pointless. You can see the scars on my chest it’s not like I’m coverin’ ‘em up. Yes, I’m in pain, but I also grew the fuck up. You can look into the darkness, you have to it’s healthy to look, but you can’t stay there. There is no home there. There is only wilderness. My advice is come inside ‘cuz people are waiting for you there.

He doesn’t tell Mike to bury his feelings or to get over it. He tells him that it’s dangerous to live in your regret.

Michael is honest about the fact that he too felt crushed under the weight of the violence and tragedy he experienced. He’s perfectly willing to talk about it and willing to share his experiences.

There is an argument to be made that Michael’s cowboyification is harmful as it feeds into his tendency to be self sacrificial to protect those people he considers “his”. And while I think there’s some truth there I think it glosses over the fact that this is a trait that already existed.

An episode 46 Mikey runs into tier 2 without a second thought upon seeing a picture of Edgar’s corpse.

In episode 49, The Princess Daffodil Experiment, we learned that he is planning to be the first human at Base to be consolidated with the calculators and is later upset when he realizes that it will be Edgar who ends up testing that aspect of the technology on himself out of necessity.

I think in actuality, what the Cowboy identity does is give Michael focus, and helps him remember he has people to live for and to work in service of.

If we look at the Michael iteration from the 101 timeline, we find a Michael who is mostly unable to function. He sleeps most of the day, drinks to excess, and is overall deeply unhappy. He has very few if any enjoyment in his day to day except perhaps drinking with Boris. Mike makes reference to the fact that he half expects to find Michael dead, not from time travel murder shenanigans, but from excessive drinking. This is not a moral judgement of him but an observation that this looks like another form of self harm.

Given Mike experiences a similar period of heavy drinking and deep emotional distress that impairs his ability to function in seasons 4 and 5, it doesn’t feel like a stretch to assume that without his cowboy persona Michael likely would not be able to handle the demands of being alive, never mind corrections and unraveling time travel mysteries.

In fact Cowboyfication brings with it some real net positives. Michael may have a self sacrificial streak like all Mikes Walters (species) but as a cowboy he allows himself some selfish pleasures. He learns to hunt and goes out boar hunting with Boris. He learns how to cure meat and seems to take some pleasure in cooking. He cultivates a relationship with the neighborhood crows, and takes joy is developing a sartorial identity. He even allows himself to fall in love again, something that is difficult to imagine him doing for himself without becoming a cowboy. Loving Sly openly is a real act of self love and a recognition that he too deserves something in his life that is in service to no one but himself.

Cowboyification brings with it an ability for Michael to enjoy life while still acknowledging the hardships and tragedies that befall him.

It isn’t perfect by any means but in issues of mental health, it is often more important to find strategies that improve quality of life and reduce harm. Expecting a cure is not just unrealistic but often actively harmful.

When comparing 101 Michael to the cowboy we all know and love it feels clear that this is a great example of what harm reduction looks like: imperfect but meaningfully better than the alternative.

[cxhleel108]

LITG S8 Thots for this week: Here we go again…

(Sorry friends a bitch was getting crunk the last two days so I did not have time to do this until today❤️)

• Ok before we even start why is he sitting like thiskdmsmsnsnd someone help me.

• So the customization…I told y’all I wasn’t trying to gag too hard when they first revealed MC and this is exactly why cuz once again why we only get braids for textured hair??? They’re not even free like y’all already pissing me off.

• So clearly this season is about zodiac because why else would we only be getting star sign tattoos?

• Meet Jaylin y’all😝😝😝 You’ll be getting all her info soon.

• Everyone hating this swim suit but it actually being my favorite. The others were just ok to me Idk sue me.

• Mind you it’s only been like 2 minutes and we already causing issues.

• I think we’re already getting married tomorrow guys Idk.

• And he has a lion tattoo so that means he’s most likely a Leo and my girl is a Gemini oh look how I ate this pairing up!

• Oh Theo stans I’m so sorry…

• I’m so glad I’ve never ended up getting the guy stuck in the “Day One” couple like I really would just end it all.

• The job options being the exact same…ok! I wanted her to be an athlete anyway😁

• Him assuming that he had a high chance of being picked when Oakley and Jin are present…I just busted out laughing.

• Yeah all this talk about compatibility and these dudes talking about being “magnetized” and “drawn” to us is def giving let’s compare our charts to see if we should fuck each other or not.

• Such a real bitch oh Claudia I love you already💯💯💯

• Sophie telling me to cool it around Jack like I want him…I just busted out laughing again.

• Our date with Theo just feeling like two people building a friendship and not a relationship was nice I would love for it to stay that way tbh (Him like 5 minutes later saying he was trying not to flirt with us can they not do this again like please).

• Jack’s date was a snooze fest who’s shocked? Also him having two moms just makes sense Idk why.

• I am gonna have so much fun replaying this season to do Jin’s route omg this man is too good.

• Yeah I already don’t like Emel. Girl who is bringing yo ass a bouquet at 8 in the morning??? Don’t piss me off.

• Uhhh cuz I’m badder than you, duh!

• Outfit time🥳🥳🥳

• These are cute!

• This is not!

• Right…anyways so!

• Yikes!

• Hehehehe no y’all don’t understand like she is already my bestie fr. Love when one of the girls is here for the fuckshit.

• The drama that be happening sometimes be so stupid like girl. Claudia sitting here telling me everyone was mad at each other on DAY FUCKING ONE because nobody wanted to be with who they were with…do y’all just come on here and then forget how the show works.

• Oh girl just stop like fuuuuck😭😭😭

• Outfit time again✨

• The panties did not need the sheer added.

• This literally being a swimsuit.

• Claudia’s outfit is so cute ugh werk!

• WHY IS THIS MAN BOOTY SO DAMN FAT LIKE OMGGGG😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

• He wanna compete with me so bad!

• I’m cryinggggg why we really living the storybook romance that Emel keep begging for.

• Me & Oakley: “Cheats are the lowest of the low”

• Also Me & Oakley: *Eating each other’s faces off outside*

• Yes please get Emel out of here before she takes Willow’s place and actually starts annoying the fuck outta me.

[fullcoffeemoon-nem]

Second part seasons' Theory

Timeline Theory here

Second update: 06-03-24

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Hi there!

The LVL UP gave us a new trailer full of expectations, as well as a preview of Stolas and Blitz's song from Full Moon.

Here are some considerations which, admittedly, may contain annoying spoilers.

YOU ARE WARNED!

I've scaled this analysis down to share one thing in particular about a X's post.

So now is almost confirm the chronology: Full Moon set on September 29th 2023.

There was a verbal clash between Blitz and Stolas, both are right and both are right.

The way I think:

Stolas has reached the limit and, accustomed to a situation in which other people's feelings have always been clear to him, he demanded an answer. Yes or no. He had already decided how to behave because he always assumed that Blitz didn't have masks.

Blitz, on the other hand, was raised in a context of manipulation, where the only certain thing was that his name was enough. He doesn't believe in the possibility of being loved for two reasons:

1. They keep repeating that wherever he goes, he only hurts

2. He doesn't believe himself enough to be

The two reactions were therefore: Stolas "I am not enough, therefore I am abandoned" and Blitz "I am abandoned because I am not enough".

I think we need to really find out what happened to Blitz's mother to find out more, but Applogy Tour could also start to clarify this story.

The song Is magnificent!

Apology Tour may be scheduled for October 31st, Halloween. There seems to be a party, that both Verosika and Stolas attend. Blitz will have to face both and will take the hit heavily. Did he get into the hole following Stols or did he end up there by chance?

The scene where all of Stolas' memories of Blitz are broken could have two meanings:

Rejection

Remorse

Ghost Fuckers should be specifically about Millie and Blitz and delve deeper into the latter's story.

Surely, you will have seen some boards with drawings of a ghost, Millie and Moxxie hanging from a chandelier and Blitz running to save them with Loona.

Not familiar to you? I hate to admit it, but I think those boards weren't fanmad...

Mistermaind will be a real bomb:

We have already seen the Angels and Agents, but it definitely doesn't end there. Their army of bishops has yet to be mobilized. The situation is so tragic that it sees to forced I.M.P to flee or even abandon someone…

We also see some new memories from Blitz, specifically:

A scene with his mother

Cash Buzko taking him away from the crashed Fizz (Here's the “them” of Oops?)

Here or on Applogy Tour.

Finally Sinsmas, obviously set in December. Here too, an incredible load of characters: The Goetia with Vassago (Parrot Boy on X), Andrealphus, Mammon and Satan.

They are probably also in Lucifer's palace.

There were also sad leaks for this episode: Via's song and the final confrontation with her father, who seems to have taken a holiday… Is it Blitz's fault?

I need to recover and at the same time the new episode...

[ingravinoveritas]

The people that keep saying not to ship Michael and David together in real life because of their relationships to Georgia and Anna are also the same ones who keep begging to have the two girls appear in the next season of GO as a couple because of Anna’s little joke of making out with Georgia. Seriously people saw that tweet of hers and immediately decided to ship them together and call them the “ineffable wives” but Michael and David have come out with soooo much more adorable moments of the love and joy they have for each other and everyone starts saying that it’s disrespectful to ship them when their “married” to females in real life 🤷‍♀️ I mean…. The hypocrisy is astounding and disturbing on levels I can’t even comprehend. The fact that Georgia, who is known to search her and David’s name on Twitter and answers back to anyone that tags or even mentions her didn’t even acknowledge Anna’s tweet says sooooooo much about this “best friend dynamic duo”. The fact that Anna is resorting to jokes about kissing another woman just for attention also…. WHEW. If this isn’t the biggest cry for attention I don’t know what is. And the fact that people feed into her attempts also and are petitioning for them to kiss and show up in GO!

Lord. I've seen so much talk about casting female actresses in regard to fem-presenting Aziraphale/Crowley over the past week, and while it is disappointing, I am not at all surprised. The first inkling I had was upon seeing the reactions when a behind the scenes photo of Crowley as Bildad the Shuhite was posted just before the release of GO 2:

It seems that a lot of folks were expecting/hoping for fem!Crowley, as we saw in Golgotha in season 1 (on the right), and when that turned out not to be the case, the reaction was to call Bildad!Crowley ugly, to say that he should shave, and other comments essentially making fun of this particular look. Obviously, much of this could have (and likely was) made in jest, but the overall consensus was clear: You can't be feminine with a beard.

(Which...I'd like to see someone tell that to Michael Sheen, because yes, the fuck you can...)

So from the outset, I was already bothered by what seemed like the hypocrisy of on the one hand celebrating a show where the characters are genderfluid/nonbinary by definition, and then on the other hand getting upset when one character doesn't fit into a prescribed, conventional idea of femininity.

When Neil subsequently mentioned that there had been a storyline for female-presenting Aziraphale and Crowley in the 1960s, it was dismaying (but again, not surprising) to see these same fans casting female actresses in the roles. Never mind that you already had David playing female!Crowley and Nanny Ashtoreth in season 1. Never mind that both Michael and David have played...well, "drag" doesn't seem like exactly the right word, but they've played women, and brilliantly subverted gender roles in their own ways. There is no reason to think that they couldn't do a fabulous job as fem!presenting Aziraphale and Crowley, except that (again) some fans seem to have a specific idea of femininity that they think does not or cannot apply to Michael and David.

Which then brings us to the apparent clamoring for Anna and Georgia as female Aziraphale and Crowley, which has again left me scratching my head. In all of the tweets and hubbub, I have not seen one person say why they think AL and Georgia would do a good job in said roles--like, "Oh, Georgia was so good as [insert role]" or "I loved Anna as [insert role]"--only that they would be "so amazing." This leads me to think that the only reason these fans want AL and Georgia in the roles is because they are Michael and David's partners. They are assuming that this is somehow a guarantee of the same profound understanding of the characters and their connection, despite there being no evidence of such a correlation. (I mean...I fooled around with my former grad school professor last year, but that doesn't mean I have a PhD...)

What it also seems to indicate is that these folks are not thinking of what is best for the characters, either, or indeed if playing female!Aziraphale and Crowley is something AL or Georgia would even want to do. Neil recently said that Georgia turned down a role in GO 2 supposedly because the character was older than her and she didn't feel it was appropriate. If this is the case, why would Georgia want to play the role of a middle-aged character? Because that is what Aziraphale and Crowley are--ageless celestial beings, yes, but beings who have chosen to present as middle-aged. That is a key part of who they are, so to have the female versions of them played by younger actresses makes no sense and seems downright disrespectful.

There is also what you said, about AL's cringey tweet from a little over a week ago. Georgia could have absolutely responded to or acknowledged it by now, as she has responded to several other tweets since then...but she hasn't. Not a reply, not even a 'like.' And I agree with you that that seems to speak volumes, and that it would probably be a good idea if people looked beyond the Staged-driven narrative of "Georgia and AL are BFFs" to see how Georgia actually seems to feel about her.

(And to echo another thing you said, I will never understand how it is somehow completely fine for fans to ship Georgia and Anna/want to see them make out despite neither of them showing that level of affection toward each other or having any visible chemistry, yet not okay to ship Michael and David who do have that chemistry and have been making their feelings for each other very obvious for the last several years...)

So yes, those are my thoughts on the whole female Aziraphale/Crowley fancasting situation. I just hope that if we do get them as fem!presenting in season 3, that it is Michael and David, because there is no way any other two actors could give us what we got with Aziraphale and Crowley the way Michael and David did. I guess we'll see what happens...

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 22

welcome to the twenty-second fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. you’re the one that never lets me roam by @littendeservesbetter

If any of his teammates were insulted—if Allura’s leadership was doubted, if Hunk was called too soft, if Pidge was underestimated, if Keith was attacked for his Galran heritage—Lance would defend them in a heartbeat. He knows his team and he loves his second family. He’d defend them to the universe and back.

So why wouldn’t they do the same for him?

-

season 7 episode 4: Lance's thoughts after the game show.

this fic is genuinely one of my favourite handlings of that piece of shit episode ever fr. its klance BUT also not a half-assed apology!! im not articulating this right but my point is that this is handled so well and god bless my fellow lance stans

2. xo by @thespacenico

keith confesses to lance hoping that the expected rejection will help him move on ASAP. it doesn't quite go according to plan.

darcy does not miss!! seriously her fics always make me smile. my two favourite parts of this fic were  that a) when lance didn’t know who keith liked he assumed immediately and wholeheartedly it was hunk. that’s golden right there and b) shiro is a DRAMA LOVING BITCH

3. for you only by @paprbee

"Be mine," Keith mumbles, pleas, against Lance's lips, unwilling to pull away. "Yes," Lance whispers, smiling as Keith brushes their lips together again, pressing up and forward to kiss Keith properly. "You too... be mine, too." "I am," Keith tells him when they break apart reluctantly, their foreheads pressed together, tip of their noses touching, Keith's arms squeezing Lance gently in their hold around his waist and lower back. "I'm yours."

okay i cannot describe how much this fic makes me lose my mind in my own words i literally have to give you guys a snippet of the fic that made me actually cry real tears and struggle to breathe:

"Baby," Keith says softly and it sends a thrill through Lance, hearing pet names from Keith is so rare he always melts when he does hear them, specially when they're whispered against his lips this way. He presses a soft chaste kiss into Lance again before he continues to mutter softly. "My baby, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

its just. the devotion. the repetition. it always fucking gets me. from keith especially, bc hes such a devoted guy!! he is loyal to a goddamn fault and beyond like!!! thats how he loves!! with his whole heart his whole body his whole soul his own being!! he loves and loves and loves!!!

4. i’ll be your romeo by @jilliancares

In a world where Soul Marks show up only after your soulmate has fallen in love with you, it's rare for them to appear when you're not already in a relationship. It's even rarer for them to show up when you're standing on a chair in your favorite coffee shop, screeching at the sight of a spider. Lance becomes well-acquainted with this brand of "rare", and he gets the cute barista, Keith, to help him with the search for his soulmate.

first of all soulmate aus my beloved. second of all jillian fics my beloved. third of all this fic is SO dorky and i love it!! i was hooked by the first scene bc it was just so funny. the way keith falls for lance...hes such a goober i love him

5. finally, you’re mine by @nezueye

“I need you to do me a favor.”

“Okay. Anything,” Keith says easily.

[...]

“Okay so, I just need-“ Lance sighs. He pushes his hands through his hair and braces himself. “I need you to break my heart. Once and for all.”

Keith chokes on his next words. “Excuse me?”

“Break my heart.”

- or -

Does Lance finally get the guy?

this is another devotion fic bc i am fully and completely obsessed with them. i made a seperate rec for this fic a couple months ago bc it truly made my breath stop like i could not process. there were three scenes in particular that made me gasp out loud and make my heart pound. just the easy way they love each other...sobbing

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[queer-reader-07]

few things bother me more than people saying that it’s “dumb” or “intentional ignoring” or “impossible” to have interpreted crowley and aziraphale’s relationship platonically.

and look i could go on about all the things that do point to romance but enough people have done that so i’m gonna defend myself here and explain why i read them as platonic for so long and why i think it’s perfectly reasonable to have read them platonically.

and a disclaimer that all of this is from my perspective and my opinion. so if i make a statement as though it’s matter of fact, know that i’m speaking from my perspective and just can’t be bothered to preface every sentence with “in my opinion…”

and it mostly boils down to one thing: their love reflected the love me and my friends have for each other.

so no shit i interpreted them platonically because they looked like my real life platonic relationships!!

i’ve talked at length about how i think there’s a specificity to the way queer people love. i think there’s something special about the way queer people show love, especially platonic love.

here’s the thing. i’ve been mistaken as my best friend of 16 years’ girlfriend more than once. i’ve been mistaken as one of my other best friend’s partner so many times her friends were genuinely shocked when she got a boyfriend because they thought she was dating me.

i understand the whole “being so platonically in love that people think you’re also fucking” situation. i unironically live that situation on the regular. so naturally i assumed that’s what was happening with aziraphale and crowley.

my thought process was basically this

1) they love like i love (specifically, crowley loves like i love). therefore, they’re platonically in love.

2) weird, everyone on the internet is convinced they’re dating. something something everyone values romantic love over platonic love

3) well whatever they’re still platonic in my heart

and it stayed like that quite literally until i watched episode 6 of season 2. and you can tell me i was being oblivious all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that i genuinely believed they were platonic. queer platonic? sure. but definitely not romantic.

i saw all the witty quips and banter between the two of them and didn’t read any sexual or romantic tension, i read friendship. i saw aziraphale damsel in distress-ing himself on the regular so crowley could save him and thought “well it’s the only way he can spend time with crowley. checks out”. and i saw the bandstand breakup and the burning bookshop and “you told my only friend to shut his mouth and die and i did. not. care. for it.” and aziraphale so desperately trying to shield crowley from the horrors of the world and obviously i saw love. a love that is deep and profound, yes. it just never read romantic to me because i would do and say all of those things for and to my friends.

one of the few things i will never cease to find joy in is my friendships. i will ALWAYS love loving the people close to me, i will ALWAYS support them, and most importantly, i ALWAYS want to protect them. even when i know what is going to happen is inevitable, i don’t want to see them hurt. i want to shield them from the cataclysmic experience of the human condition and only have to experience in the moments of joy that await them. i don’t want to see the people i love hurt or in pain or jaded by how fucked up the world is.

because i already am those things. i am jaded by the world, i’m constant falling into the pit of cynical despair that the state of the world can manage to throw you down. and i know how fucking hard it is to pull yourself out of that place, to find hope and move forward and allow yourself to even enjoy the love and support you do have in life.

and the last thing i ever want is for the people i love dearly to experience those things.

so yeah. i related hard fucking core to crowley and the way he loves aziraphale SO. FUCKING. DEEPLY. and of course i read it platonically because it’s platonic for me. so deeply platonic in the best way.

and i could go on about how a lot of this stems from how much i value platonic love. how much i don’t adhere to social norms of love and how people express love. i will loudly proclaim my love for my friends, because i love them. i’m in love with them. but that doesn’t mean i want to date them or kiss them. and that makes perfect sense to me, and if it doesn’t make sense to you. well then, idk what to tell you.

this is longer than i intended but my point is that it hurts seeing people who act like those of us who did genuinely read aziracrow as platonic the first go around are stupid or that we chose to ignore the romance.

because, to me at least, it always felt like people were calling the way i love stupid or that i’m actually ignoring my “real” feelings

[kitofawriter]

Spoilers for LMK season five Episode 5-6 below the cut!

Starting again! Leggo!

Mei’s jet survived the crash I see

Trucker Pigsy! Jot that under ‘things I didn’t know I needed until now’

“Big Ham” somebody was WAITING to use that trucker name for him.

I like the design of those rocks.

Red laser in a flame named episode. Is this where we get Red Son?

The way Pigsys ears flap in the wind!!!

Also I’m going to assume this follows what everyone else was doing in the last episode so the crash hasn’t happened yet.

For some reason I’m getting a ‘this is gonna be a pod racing episode’ vibe. I am probably wrong but now I want that episode (even if we’ve already had a race episode)

You got stopped by a very cute mouse!

I feel like so far Pigsy is the one that works best in this animation. Idk, theres been no really jarring movements for him that I’ve noticed.

Red Son!!!! Yes Mei! Show him the love he deserves!!

Red Son guesses correctly. They are indeed stopping the apocalyptic cracks

Mei’s face! OMG!!!

Red Son is like the opposite of Tang. He’d probably be surprised to find out something isn’t real.

Is this like a Samadi fire thing? Are we finally getting anything related to that?

He’s so proud to be the creator of the Samadi fire!!

Researching the origins of the true fire? So…the Samadi fire? The fire you made?

Little pet fire dragon???? Are we giving Mei a weapon of mass destruction as a pet? Because that could not go wrong! /s

*cough* a failed replica of the Samadi fire *cough*

I love whatever that is. It needs a goofy name.

:3 face Mei!!

Also she’s so ready to go and he’s just like ‘hold oh like .2 seconds PLEASE’

“This is why we don’t hang out” please, you don’t hang out cause you don’t wanna admit you like peasants.

Pigsy’s going through some stuff. Maybe Tang can help with those scrawny ankles.

If you can’t tell, I love the scrawny ankles joke. It’s so funny.

“I’m his father” “I’m not strong enough to keep him safe” Pigsy you were the ONLY person that could help him sleep. Don’t downplay the care you give him. Also this is gonna end in so much angst.

Tang really regretting that “we’re side characters at best” comment from season three right about now.

Is Red Sons plan style INVADER ZIM?!?!

Red Son you are so dramatic. I love you!

Was…was that shot a FMA reference?!

Pigsy you are a good dad! You’re there for MK when he needs you! Don’t be sad!!

“You know it’s kinda your fault right?” Tang that is not helping!

Tang saying Pigsy was the one who made MK a good person! I can’t!! I need to pause!

“You’re his dad!”

The little mice!! I’m screaming!

I was not prepared for this many Pigsy feels!!

Tang is the number 1 found family supporter!

“This is not the best time for a crisis of confidence!!”

Mei, you’re the best, don’t doubt yourself.

Red Son stepping between her and the fire!!!

Ooohh, cool green electric form!!

Mei mech!! Mei mech!!!! Badass Mei mech!!

Isn’t that one of the pets from club penguin?

“Everyone gets a mech except for me” petition to give Red Son a mech 2024

The demon bull family picture!!

Red Son being determined to help those he loves!!

“See noodle boy” of the spicynoodle shippers screamed right there.

“Hey I texted you for help! You never responded” •-•

Mei’s been sending nonstop puppy videos!

Phone stop autocorrecting Mei to key please. I’m not even sure why that’s the word you’re choosing?

Mei communicates with puppy videos, no words needed.

She left her phone.

Episode 6! Leggo!! This is gonna be my last one today because though I want to stop worrying about spoilers, I also want it to last at least a little bit longer.

We inch ever closer to the return of Mac and also to later episodes that I just KNOW will be emotionally devastating.

Tang panicking, things are as they should be.

Was that the shoe guy but voiced by a woman? Good for her.

Pigsy vs destiny the season.

MK learning for SWK and Sandy!!!

Best buds Monkey King and Sandy! That’s them! I’m sure you’ll get your episode Mei.

Im guessing Mei or Tang help this episode then Pigsy helps with the final stone, but I could be wrong.

The art of SWK of fire and Sandy being held by the snake is hilarious. 10/10 no notes.

The MK and Mei art is also adorable.

Its gonna be the Tang episode to harken back to the dumpling episode where Mei thought she was gonna go and didn’t.

Sandy, you’re very inconspicuous, don’t listen to the mean old Tangy.

“Borrowing”

They all look…awesome.

Jin and yin!!

Are those helmets? Cause they look really weird. I get what they’re going for but I don’t like it.

Also they shoulda grabbed Pigsy if they wanted a singer.

Why doesn’t Mo get a disguise?

For some reason some of Mei’s lines are difficult for me to catch. I need subtitles, that aren’t auto generated and thus awful.

Nezha!!! My boi!! (If you haven’t noticed, basically all the characters are my boi, except Mei she my girl!)

“He’s bombing! You’re bombing!”

Nezha should joint Chang’e’s roller derby team. (This is a headcanon but they need to make it canon)

SWK were you gonna fight Nezha or try to talk to him before Mei grabbed you? you didn’t look fighty.

“Ahhh!” Followed by the guards flying.

“You’re not getting away that easi…” cap in face

Who threw the whole stall person and all?!?!

*meme of the person holding the cat down that’s surrounded by broken potted plants* Wukong.

Nezha mech!! Also Nezhie you’re trying really hard to catch these guys for someone who believes in their innocence.

The flower jetpack looking this is a really cool design.

I should draw Nezha

“We have to get out of here!” “What? Why? I can handle Nezhie” SWK, I love you so much (second only to Sandy in this version)

“Wah?”

MK trusting Nezha!!! And stepping in front of the blade!!! Nezha STOPPING!!!

“My father!” My guy, your father is a big meany. You’ve SEEN them stop world ending disasters before INCLUDING the one that started this!!

That is a really cool mech.

Fillet use!

Jerky jerk man appears.

Pagoda!

Nezha fighting his dad!!!

Get them outta there Tangy!!

Do not yell at Nezha, he’s a good boy and he’s actually helpful. I didn’t see you anywhere when Azure was doing all this damage. (I kinda only know Li Jing in connection to Nezha’s myth so he could be a pretty cool dude elsewhere, but here he’s a jerk)

“We’re all gonna die!” Hugs Tang. Of the Freenoodle shippers noticed that.

MK where did you bring them?

Also calling it now, Nüwa has the last stone and she’s in the pagoda.

“I call dibs!!” Please give Mei her adventure. She’s going to go rabid without it.

MK’s smile and wave face!!

Sandy waving back!

Somebody get SWK some Tylenol or something for his headache please.

The guardian designs are all super cool.

Love the tiger specifically.

“Uhhh, no we don’t.”

I am not ready for the rest of this season.

SWK keeps forgetting the fillet.

Can someone PLEASE get him some Tylenol?

Mo!!

MK knows what he’s doing.

Pigsy jumped after him first!!!

If anything happens to Pigsy I will scream. (If anything happens to any of them I will scream.)

Li Jinh doesn’t find is suspicious at all they that JUMPED?!

Magic costume change!

“These are…prison jumpsuits?!”

You’d think they’d have one that fits Sandy at least. Poor guys barely fits in that jacket.

Also Mo keeps getting left out of the costume changes. Justice for Mo!

“Aww my shirt.” Well. There it goes.

MK being the smarty kid again. Good boy.

I wanna watch another episode now but I also wanna wait and hold off to make it last. Decisions!!

[littlestsnicket]

I thought his S2 hair was his real hair, too, for some reason.

Actually, no, that's not quite accurate.

I initially thought BOTH his S2 and S3 hair were wigs, because that's what everyone kept saying.

And so, the moment Joey corrected, in a S3 interview, that his long hair was his real hair, I automatically assumed that meant that his S2 hair was his real hair, too (if people had been wrong about it having been a wig in S3, why not S2?).

Because his hair in S2 interviews appears to be just a bit longer than it is in S2 (not quite S3 long, but getting there...).

So, I'd assumed he'd let his hair grow out between S1 and S3; and he'd cut it after they'd finished filming "Blood Origin" (so thankfully, that wouldn't have been because of the negative feedback he'd received about his hair in S3, since it was back to being short during "Blood Origin" interviews. I think he'd said something about it just being really hot and essentially bothering him).

Did Joey ever confirm his S2 hair was a wig? Or that's just what people have all been assuming?

And OMFG! YES!!! That jacket is so freaking iconic! It's gotta stay!

By now, it's like the character's uniform, or his unique signature look or something!

Mind you, I'm not opposed to the idea of Jaskier having another secondary outfit he alternates with in S4 and S5, and/or wearing something a bit different under his jacket (S2 and S3 had different shirts and vests, but kept the same style).

Plus, he could find himself wearing something completely different at some point, if the goal is for him to attempt to avoid being too easily recognized / spotted (the jacket makes it really easy for him to be identified) for a little while.

But that jacket needs to remain Jaskier's go to, default look, because it's that awesome!

joey has definitely talked about wearing a wig for season 2, growing his hair out for season 3 because he hated wearing a wig, and cutting his hair off immediately after they finished filming season 3 because having hair that is touching your neck but not long enough to put up is gross when it's really hot out (and yeah, i relate, there are numerous reasons why i am happiest with a pixie cut or past shoulder length hair). (and joey's bit of blood origin was filmed during season 3.)

i think it gets a bit confusing because lots of people don't realize how long post production takes, and therefore how long the gap between filming and the press interviews are. for the season 2 press tour, joey would have been well into growing his hair out for season 3 already. and you can see he had short hair in all of the behind the scenes stuff they filmed during season 2. (there's also a moment in the behind the scenes stuff for season 3, where there's a bunch of shots of joey recording songs and he's wearing the same sweater in all of them but in half of them he's already cut his hair... that may make me sound insane that i noticed this but oh well.)

i'm not really sure why people were saying joey was wearing a wig in season 3... it got passed around so much before the show came out that i assumed that for a bit as well, but i honestly think it's just trendy to hate on wigs right now, and most people have no idea what they are talking about. but also, joey's hair looks nearly as dark as anya's in the season 2 press tour, so it looks like it's the wrong color, but i should not have been fooled by that since my own hair ranges from quite dark brown to nearly blond depending on lighting, sun exposure, and how clean it is :)

and yes! the jacket! it is so iconic!

i, personally, love when characters have uniforms. not necessarily the same exact clothes all the time, but iconic items or a color scheme they stick to... i am here for it. i think for his character, it doesn't make a lot of sense for jaskier to be carting around an extra jacket, or many clothes. he would definitely buy or steal a new one for a special occasion of if he needed to hide his identity, but our bard is itinerant and travels light especially when he doesn't have geralt to carry things (or maybe more importantly keep track of the things, but that it leaning a lot more into headcanon now) for him.

[multifandom-aroace]

I watched umbrella academy recently mostly because I saw that there was a new season coming out and I actually ended up liking it.

But would someone please kindly explain what the fuck is going on in season 4?

(I haven't finished it yet I'm about halfway through episode 5)

the writing is very rushed and they dropped loads of storylines for no reason - they said Ray walked out but they didn't elaborate at all, it was six years later but they kept saying tings about five years I am just very confused about that,sometimes it feels like they completely forgot that viktor played violin even though it was his main thing in season 1, literally none of them helped klaus stay sober Allison mentioned it when he was about to drink the sake but they all jsut brushed it off and he didn't actually end up drinking it but none of them tried to stop him (although they already showed us in season 1 how little they cared about him when he got kidnapped and they all forgot about him), then there was the van scene which... Just why? I did not need a whole five minutes of listening to baby shark and watching people throwing up I literally had to skip through the whole scene it was too disgusting, and lila and diegos relationship like they barely showed us anything with them and their kids even though the whole first episode was about their child's birthday party?? then they started having conversations that they definitely should have talked about earlier in their marriage. The fact that Diego assumed that she was having an affair showed that there had either been trust problems in the past or Diego was just really good at foreshadowing because this leads me onto whatever the fuck happened with lila and five????? The age gap, the fact that they are in laws, the complete lack of chemistry they had until then because he was a fucking child but also a 60 year old man at the same time. Like, Five if five was about 60 when he first went back to 2019, it means that he was around 72 in his mind but about 25 physically and I just don't understand how the fuck that would sit right with anyone to make him and a married woman in her early forties (I assume based on the 6 year time skip and extra 6 years). I saw in the montage and I was jsut praying I was looking too deeply into it but no it was real and I was uncomfortable especially because of the fact that there is a 15 year age difference between the actors like he's technically it is legal yes but morally I don't like it.

honestly I could go on so much more

I really hate everything they have done to this season I should have stopped watching after season 2, but even season 3 was better than whatever the hell this was

[sparkanonymous]

I didn't see! But episodes 7 and 8 got uploaded! YES!! Time for some more notes!

⚠️ Total Drama Reboot Season 2 Spoilers Below ⚠️

Episode 7

Damn, Priya has some muscle to catch Caleb.

Why did Zee sound different? Am I going crazy? Also, why was he watching them?

I'm... I'm sorry? JULIA, MK, your gay. Is. Showing! Holy fuck.

Damien teaching a squirrel how to finger gun.

YES, DAMIEN FOUND THE IDOL.

Chris did not hesitate to traumatize the campers. Fake killing his husband? No.

Why did they bring back the "is it real or is it cake" thing? I thought that trend ended years ago.

Look, I understand we need more interactions from the campers, but I always hated when the teacher would pick who we would work with.

Julia and MK just... they won't stop flirting.

Ah, so we have Zeemien and Priyaleb as a team. Perfect! (This is not sarcasm. I actually quite like it.)

So, for Chris to choose the teams, that just means that he's picking all the characters that have already interacted? That's pretty fucking lame. We needed some new interactions. I'm assuming that they did this just because there would've been practically nothing to work off of, though.

Wait, so when did Wayne and Raj figure out that Julia was behind Bowie's elimination? Did I miss something?

I like how Raj and Wayne just immediately accepted that Julia was just a part of their team and then immediately started torturing her by ping pong-ing her between their chests. Their dynamic is everything.

YOOOO OWEN!!

I'm so glad to see him, but he really should've gotten a different design. Also, I thought that these were two separate realities?

Oh, who fucking cares? IT'S OWEN!

I'm so happy to see Priya's knowledge on the show get used again, but why would she have studied Owen's moves in particular? Maybe she means his personality? Like, they're both pretty friendly. He was kind of a dumbass, though, as evident by the next scene.

Dawg, it's obviously cake. You of all characters would be the first to figure that out.

Owen's voice sounds kind of different. Like... it sounds younger. Did he change VAs? I'm going crazy, aren't I?

Ripper doggy paddling.

Both Wayne and Raj do not hesitate to beat up other contestants. Wayne might not understand what a battle cry is, but he charged at Priya and smacked her pretty good. Raj's kick could have probably broken MK's jaw if he had kicked just a tiny bit harder.

Holy shit, Damien could've killed Wayne had he not aimed correctly. He didn't even seem hesitant, either. That was a trident, dude!

Oh my god... a "This is Sparta" reference in 2023?

Julia kicking Raj and Wayne off the boat because of their dumbassery.

Damn, raw ingredients?

Raj and Wayne

Poor Chef.

"Very good, Owen; that IS the sound a doggy makes!" LMAO

THE FUCKING HANDPRINTS ON AXEL AND RIPPER.

Raj and Wayne... is it gonna be another double elimination with these two? They're basically asking to get voted off at this point, my god.

Yeah. I like Wayne and Raj. But yell at them, Julia!

Owen listening to the confessionals.

Chef showing his cooking knowledge. Look, he might make disgusting food, but he still knows something about cooking.

I like how MK and Julia are both suffering on separate teams, especially after that fruity ass scene at the beginning of the episode.

Wayne apparently knowing something about chickens. Interesting!

More bird trauma for the hockey bros.

The sad way Julia said MK when she sicked Owen on her.

Poor Raj and Wayne.

Axel, Ripper, wtf

PRIYA, WTF

Chef was so excited to help MK, and then he doesn't even help.

Actually, I hope Axel and Ripper are the double elimination. This is disturbing.

I'm sorry, MK did WHAT to fix her brother's posture? That was a fucking STICK in a CAKE.

Julia is such a kiss ass.

Caleb being smart.

"I don't know which Chris to eat!"

Damn, Damien is good at cake sculpting. He's still a kiss ass, but considering he's probably never sculpted a cake before...

MK foreshadowing killing Chris.

Owen taking cake Chef home with him... it's just canon.

"I biffed it good today." "Well, as long as you know."

Wait, Axel got eliminated? Not Ripper? After the whole sweat thing.

No, Axel and Ripper break up? Ripper sounded so fucking genuinely upset.

WAIT THEY ACTUALLY GOT DOUBLE ELIMINATED? Awesome?

Episode 8

Poor Damien. So desparate to keep the idol.

Caleb... running his fingers through her.

MK, why were you looking for Julia all morning? And why do you look so sad to think that Julia might be avoiding you?

What the hell, Zee? I want the girlfriends to talk, and you're back there eating your pants. :(

Zee, you really did say too much. MK and Julia are going to destroy you, and then the rest of the camp.

What the hell? Julia and MK trying to scare the secret out of him.

"Zee, I need to tell you something." "Please don't." "It's about Caleb!" "No, I don't wanna know-" The delivery from Zee, LMAO

Priya is so cute. But Zee is clearly struggling, girl. Poor Zee.

Zee, at least grab another pair of pants to put on your ass.

THE IZZY CUT OUT RIGHT AFTER THE OWEN EPISODE.

Julia able to carry the giant coin, but MK not being able to. MK is so unathletic. I'm actually kinda glad to see that diversity.

Priya obsessively brushing her teeth just to prepare for a possible kiss from Caleb...

Wayne and Raj unintentionally making the game so much more difficult.

Caleb catching the rock to save Priya. The timing to move for the kiss was a little too quick, though. And then she gets crushed by rocks. If they treated this like Raj and Wayne's injuries from last season, she'd be going home with a concussion and casts, but I know they won't.

Zee, don't fall for Julia's fake concern!

The fucking glare he sent Julia after stuffing a squirrel in his mouth. He knew what she was trying to get out of him.

Raj, you would've heard him falling.

"Why does it feel like something terrible is about to happen?" "Yeah, Chris's face gives everyone that feeling." LMAO Caleb serving something here.

"That looks... not safe." Caleb, nothing in Total Drama is safe.

"Relax, rabbits are supposed to jump." "... not that high."

Raj, just put your coin in the slot. "If you want me to go ahead without you, say nothing!" Well... at least that was resolved lol

Wayne, where are you going? Also, surfer Wayne. Canon.

Caleb calling Priya his girl. Possessive? Yes. Is it still cute? Also yes.

Zee using a fucking tire to block his mouth.

Julia's fucking evil face when Zee ran past.

Raj landing on the table in front of Chef and Chris.

"Did I win?" "No! And where is Wayne?!" He sounded so genuinely concerned.

DAMIEN WITHOUT HIS HAT.

I really don't like the music that keeps getting played when Caleb and Priya are about to kiss. What happened to the original romance que from Total Drama Island? That was WAY better.

Duncan and Courtney posters? They're REALLY trying to bring the nostalgia back. "The OG power couple." Yeah, maybe in the first season. After that, they were the absolute worst. (I'm kind of a Duncney hater.)

Poor Damien. They're playing on his trauma with Scary Girl :(

"Would that be good or bad?" "It can be both! That's what makes this show so magical!" He knows.

Also, why would Chef allow Chris to add the jackhammer bit? That is obviously dangerous, and he wouldn't have allowed these campers to go through that last season...

"Thanks for the ride!" "Reeeeal fresh this week." I'm loving this episode.

MK's a gamer girl? Does that mean she'll be Julia's gamer girlfriend?

MK lunging forward to bit Caleb's calf... I'm sorry, who did you say was an animal, MK?

Poor Wayne.

The overdramatic kissing scene... ugh, I hate it.

Damien celebrating Priya and Caleb finally kissing. He wasn't paying attention that much throughout the season, nor has he really interacted with either of them, but he's still such a sweetheart.

Asexual MK?

NO, ZEE!

Zeemien break up.

ZEE SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay, he's getting eliminated.

Wait, why is Raj a hockey bag sniffer? ... We just gonna skip by that? ... Okay...

Damien, you're the neat freak. What the hell.

Chris, Chef... WHY ARE YOU TELLING SECRETS TO YOUR COMPETITORS. LMFAO

Why did anyone tell Zee their secrets? Most of them don't even hang out, nor would have told a soul those things. What?

CHRIS TRYING TO TAKE THE CAMERA FROM THE CAMERA MAN. Okay, that's fucking hilarious.

All of them glaring at Caleb. That's awesome.

Caleb, you ran after Priya. You had plenty of time to explain yourself, especially since it was still day, and the campfire doesn't happen until night.

AND THEY ALL HATE ZEE.

Julia, you're no better.

They put more marshmallows on the platter just to throw more at Priya.

Okay, at least Caleb is still here. At least for another episode. More drama.

Aight, that's it. I really hope the next episodes have fewer problems coming out next week.

[karamazovposting]

On Ivan and bipolar disorder (part four)

Since this is (finally) the last part of this essay and I've already previously mentioned what it will be about, I don't have an introduction to make, but I do think I need to give a couple disclaimers before getting right into this mess. First one: I have a lot of explaining to do because this gets medical again and I can't just assume you all know exactly what I'm talking about and/or to what extent; I hope I won't overexplain or sound condescending. On this same note, I forgot to open part one by explaining that bipolar disorder is a chronic mental illness that is treatable through lifelong medication and not necessarily lifelong therapy but not curable because to me that's a given, so sorry if you didn't have much knowledge on the topic and had to read my yapping with little or even no context. Second one: I will be using some words (such as "delusional") that are to be taken literally, in the medical sense. I'm not saying this because I think you are all stupid of course, but to highlight the seriousness of what I've been talking about these past months; it seems to me that lately medical terminology regarding mental health has been watered down a lot by Internet culture to the point of it losing its meaning, with memes about being "delulu 🤪" or reducing mania to dyeing your hair by yourself at 2 AM leading people to not take these things seriously. I don't mean to be a spoilsport or anything, I like and share those memes too but I've actually been (hypo)manic and delusional in the past so I guess I have the right to joke about it at least. Maybe it's not that serious but I want it to be serious at least here, which is also why I've never referred to episodes as "mood swings". I don't do that in real life either, even when talking to people who don't know much about bipolar disorder, because I've always found the term reductive and misleading: everyone has mood swings, it came free with being a human being. In my opinion it contributes to the misunderstanding of this disorder and the people who have it; no, we are not moody by default and no, we don't change our minds every five minutes or are happy one moment and then suddenly sad the next (seriously, who came up with these stereotypes and how?), but I digress.

This said, let's get down to business. I want to start with one detail that is either one of the most absurd coincidences in the entire history of literature or proof that Dostoevsky was somewhat somehow familiar with bipolar disorder and decided to integrate some things he witnessed in Ivan's character (I guess without knowing, as at the time there was very little understanding of it to the point it wasn't really considered an illness and was referred to as circular insanity and later as manic-depression, which are both cooler names than bipolar disorder but again I digress) because I swear I can't find any other explanation for it: the timeline of The Brothers Karamazov. It might seem like a very small detail, but as soon as I figured out the timeline I thought of fucking course. Now, we all know the timeline of this novel is a little confusing at first as there are almost no indicators of how much time has passed between Alyosha running from one house to another first and shit going down second, but in the first half of the novel we know it all starts in late August and honestly I didn't make anything of it, but then the timeline becomes clearer after Dmitri's arrest and we end up in early November for the trial and I mean, nothing particularly interesting or peculiar about a book covering the events of a (little over) two-month timespan, right? Technically yes, because it's not the amount of time that has passed that matters, but the time of the year: if it all had, for example, taken place from late June to early August or from late December to early February I wouldn't even be talking about it, because there's no seasonal change taking place in those months. August to November, however, is another story. I also find it interesting that it's the change from warm to cold weather, as it's the one that's the hardest for most people (for me personally it's the opposite, the shift from Winter to Spring is a nightmare, but I'm a rare case when it comes to that); I don't really know why, but the seasonal changes are always delicate periods for people with bipolar disorder as they can trigger episodes, I guess it's pretty much the same mechanism that occurs in seasonal depression. So, let me lay the timeline out for you: the Karamazovs reunite in late August, Ivan leaves a few days after, Fyodor is murdered shortly after, so probably in early September and Dmitri is arrested the same night, then Ivan comes back five days later, the trial takes place in early November the day after Pavel hangs himself, and Dmitri is sentenced five days before the story ends with Ilyusha's funeral. This timeline detail seriously drives me insane because all the other puzzle pieces I've been putting together for a while could be related to other disorders/conditions as well, such as schizophrenia (schizoaffective bipolar disorder is a thing too but I don't have it so I can't really say anything about it) and autism (autism and bipolar disorder have a lot in common), or even to just personality, but this? It's a little too oddly specific in my opinion, but I'll just keep assuming it's a coincidence for the sake of my own mental health.

Anyway, this means the story starts when a seasonal change is approaching, which is already a delicate time on its own, and Ivan has to put himself in an unpleasant situation that has a high chance of turning into a shitshow (and it does): going somewhere he wants to leave as soon as possible to discuss things he doesn't want to discuss surrounded by people he doesn't want to deal with. That's not a good start at all and it would be enough to put me, someone who has been medicated for seven years, on edge (and it has in the past); no wonder he's pissed off all the time. And it's only the start since, as we all know, the worst is yet to come. I love that the reader only gets bits and pieces of the build-up of Ivan's episode through the other characters' points of view and I particularly love how said build-up reaches its climax; it doesn't happen when Ivan hallucinates the devil (as it's mentioned he's seen him before and has also had other similar experiences in the past, I'll get into that later), but exactly a moment before that. But first, let's focus on the main build-up moments we see bits and pieces of before that. I was impressed by how realistically the whole thing was portrayed, especially considering that at the time almost everyting about this disorder was unknown; still to this day, in 2024, many people think bipolar disorder is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation, with the person being "normal" one day and waking up "crazy" the next like some sort of magic happening overnight, but that's straight up not true, it doesn't happen. Bipolar disorder is way more rational than one would think (very fitting for Ivan, isn't it?) and at times you do have an awful amount of self-awareness but can do nothing with it, it's kind of like being stuck in the passenger seat of a car with a broken steering wheel and broken breaks that's speeding straight against a wall; you know what's happening but can do nothing but watch and hope the crash won't be that painful. And that's how I felt reading too, every time I saw those bits and pieces of Ivan's story I thought oh no it's happening. And Ivan knows it's happening too, as we see in Book Eleven.

I've focused on The brothers get acquainted, Rebellion and The Grand Inquisitor already, but I have to mention them again because as I've already explained they're such a pivotal point; before that we don't really know what Ivan's deal is, but as soon as we get acquainted (sorry, I had to) with him we start to notice that something's definitely up, and there is one seemingly small detail that I just can't get out of my head: when Ivan gets up and starts walking after his talk with his brother, Aleksej points out to himself that he's swaying a little. Considering it's implied that Ivan has a problem with alcohol (it runs in the family after all) in other occasions too, that's probably an indicator that Ivan had been drinking during his stay. Not only is there a strong link between bipolar disorder and substance abuse (how could there not be? Shit's tough and sometimes you have to self medicate, especially in the 1800s), but alcohol and drugs can trigger episodes or make them worse; Ivan is also once again dealing with everything alone and trust me, that's recipe for disaster. And of course after that the aforementioned metaphorical car does nothing but gain speed and Ivan increasingly becomes angrier, restless and frantic: he has trouble sleeping, he starts isolating himself even more, he talks faster, his thoughts start racing, his speech pattern becomes more and more incoherent and he can't stay still as he's mentioned walking back and forth for seemingly no reason in different occasions; all textbook symptoms. He visibly looks sick too and bipolar episodes are known to take a toll on your physical appearance (I looked like a walking corpse for years) as well as having physical symptoms manifest along the psychological/psychiatric ones, such as headaches caused by stress, which Ivan frequently has, because stress is a major trigger for bipolar disorder (and Ivan is undeniably quite stressed). Sleep also plays a huge role when it comes to bipolar disorder as it can quite literally determine your faith: the the very first sign to watch out for if you feel something might be wrong is a change in sleeping habits; if they start changing significantly it means something's definitely up and you need to intervene as soon as possible (I have prevented episodes from either spiraling or happening at all like that but it takes years of practice). Ivan's sleep schedule, if we can even call it that, during his episode reminds me of my own during an insane (no pun intended?) mixed episode I've had and it makes sense since after every manic episode comes a "crash", and during mixed episodes you can crash back and forth for days; it happened to me. But what is a manic crash? It can be summed up with a simple phrase: what comes up must come down. It's like throwing a ball in the air, it reaches its peak up there and after that it's all downhill until it crashes down on the ground and the higher it goes, harder the crash: if you stay up all night while manic, you'll sleep all day while depressed, the more euphoric you are, the more dysphoric you'll be; so it makes sense for Ivan to sleep more and more as he "comes down". As for the fever, stress can do that. Brain fever is nothing but a 19th century literature thing because it's not a real diagnosis and at the time severe emotional and psychological upset was classified as either that or hysteria, which isn't a real diagnosis either.

Another puzzle piece that fits way too well is that little mention of him tidying his room himself despite having someone to do it for him; I know it's probably thrown in there to highlight his self-isolating independence, but cleaning and tidying are very common (to the point it's almost a cliché) activities to do when you're having a (hypo)manic or mixed episode because they help getting rid of all the extra energy and give you a sense of control over your life; for me it's almost compulsive (compulsions and obsessive thoughts are common in bipolar disorder because bipolar disorder is like three different conditions in a trenchcoat), I've found myself obsessively cleaning my bathroom every day for months and fighting the compulsion to do the dishes even when it wasn't necessary. It's mentioned that Ivan feels the increasing loss of control and is ashamed of it, which brings us to the very important topics, when it comes to him, of self-awareness and control.

I already mentioned it in part one but I want to say it again: control is crucial when it comes to bipolar disorder; something out of your control happening in your life or not having enough control over your symptoms and emotions is enough to send you down (or up) a dangerous path (sounds familiar?). It takes years of treatment to be able to deal with the unexpected and to let go of this control freak attitude, but Ivan is riding this rollercoaster with no seat belt so here we are. I think this reflects best in his attitude when visiting Pavel in the hospital after Dmitri's arrest, when Ivan says he came back from Moscow as soon as possible to fix the mess they all made in his absence. He's particularly keen on letting Pavel know he has no intention of playing games and it's clear he has a no bullshit allowed policy when it comes to his family, which checks out with what I went over in part three: Ivan's presence in the Karamazov household means quiet and order. Ivan definitely has a strong personality and to me it feels like that kind of strong personality one has to develop to stay afloat, and considering Ivan is not comfortable with showing "weakness"...well; I'll get to that later. I don't know if it's a middle child thing because I'm not a middle child but I'm the only diagnosed and medicated person in a family that feels more like an emotional minefield and let me tell you, I've been running that shit like it's the Navy for years and I'm pretty sure I'm the only case of a youngest son with eldest daughter syndrome in human history and yes, it's a bipolar thing. The need for control is so strong that it extends to your surroundings and therefore the people around you; I don't know how to explain it because it's not a manipulation thing, it's an I can't deal with my own emotions so having someone express theirs in an extreme way makes me uncomfortable and I also need a stable environment to not lose my mind so I need to de-escalate any situation that might trigger me thing; it's cleaning up after other people's mess for your own sake. And maybe a little savior complex, at least in my case. Anyway, if Ivan keeps his family stable he keeps himself stable as well, so he has to take matters into his own hands even when it's too late. Damage control is a very important skill if you have bipolar disorder.

I've already been over Ivan's visceral anger so I won't go over it again, but I want to spend a few words for that one part where he punches Pavel: been there done that, and normally I'm not even a violent person. It was a pretty similar situation too: someone had been tormenting me for months while I already wasn't doing good at all, took it too far one day and I just snapped; I didn't even mean to hit that person but it's not something you can gain control over when it gets to that point, so I get where Ivan was coming from and I'll defend him until the day I die.

Since I'm going in chronological order, as you might have already noticed, this means I've finally reached the fun part. Brace yourselves, this is going to be long. I don't have much to say about the whole devil ordeal that hasn't already been said, after all it's the most blatant manifestation of Ivan's mental health status, and I think it's more important to focus on what's around the hallucination rather than the hallucination itself. The first and most important thing I noticed is that Ivan is not scared, and it makes sense for him to not be because the narrator says that situation feels familiar to Ivan, making this the second time it's mentioned by the narrator that Ivan has a past history of both depressive and dysphoric manic (usually referred to as mixed) episodes, which alone qualifies for a formal bipolar disorder diagnosis; now that I think about it I could have just said this instead of making four posts about it, but where's the fun in that? Also I don't have enough information to armchair diagnose this 19th century fictional character with a specific type of bipolar disorder, so I laid out all the relevant information for you to interpet it however you want, if you're familiar with this stuff. I think he could be either bipolar I or bipolar II as there aren't many differences between those two types. For reference, I'm bipolar II (electric boogalo), which is usually mainly depressive and has less intense "ups" (mania when it's bipolar I and hypomania when it's bipolar II, but mania and manic are often used as umbrella terms and I've used them as such in this). Ivan's episode seems more mixed (having both manic and depressive symptoms at the same time, I should've explained it earlier, sorry) than purely manic and mixed episodes are more likely to happen in bipolar II and/or to those who start having symptoms in adolescence regardless of type and I think that checks out (go to part two for that). However, hallucinating a whole person and having conversations with them is a pretty big deal and my own hallucinations are nothing like that, usually hearing noises such as knocks on my door or seeing shadows or bugs at the corner of my eye and things looking slightly off and changing in shape and size; nothing big that I can interact with and I can easily ignore that the rare times it happens. Wikipedia says that any kind of hallucination classifies as mania, but my psychiatrists obviously know I've hallucinated in the past and still haven't changed my diagnosis so don't trust Wikipedia I guess, probably because my hypomanic episodes have never significantly impaired my ability to function (like they haven't significantly impaired Ivan's; trust me, he could be doing much worse). There is a lot of nuance that Internet articles lack in my opinion.

Anyway, let's go back to focusing on how Ivan feels: he's not scared, but he is exhausted and desperate. And it's heartbreaking. Not the hardest part of The Brothers Karamazov for me to read, not at all actually, but way too familiar. Ivan, who has a strong personality and a no bullshit allowed policy, who usually speaks in a firm voice and who refused to get help even if he knew his mental state was getting worse, breaks down (in private, of course) and begs and pleads; please leave me alone, shut up. He goes back and forth between desperation and rage (very mixed episode of him) and what struck me the most is how harsh his words are: almost every time the devil says something, Ivan replies with an insult or even more in a row. Yes, it's not that atypical of him considering how he talks and refers to Pavel or Dmitri, but it's, again, heartbreaking because he's never acted like that with them (or even with his father) and he knows the devil is actually himself. He's reserving his worst words, his worst attitude, his most burning and consuming rage and hatred, for himself. And he knows that. Worst thing of all to me is that at some point he covers his ears to not hear the devil, his own thoughts, and I've done that. Sometimes those thoughts are so loud that they seem to come from an outside source and covering your ears comes naturally. It obviously doesn't work. I have many other thoughts about Ivan's devil but they don't have much to do with bipolar disorder so maybe I'll write another post in the future if I feel like it. Also honorable mention to the thrown glass because apparently I've done something similar once even if I genuinely don't remember it at all (bipolar disorder also causes memory loss so you barely rememeber your episodes, it's kind of like trying to recall the events of a party you got drunk at, we're not getting into that though).

Maybe I see Ivan's story and character as less dark and tragic than the average reader does, because to most people constantly walking up and down restless with racing, out of control, incoherent thoughts and experiencing delusions and hallucinations is understandably a terrifying experience, but for me up until a couple years ago that was just a random Tuesday. I mean it is terrifying but you get used to it, after a while you understand the twisted logic bipolar disorder operates under and it becomes less scary (still is at times) and more annoying, you try to keep up with your meds and manage your symptoms as best as you can and just go on with your life while still trying to fight it when/if you can (it's less depressing than how I'm describing it I swear, I really don't know how to convey that feeling). I don't see myself as a walking tragedy or as doomed (anymore), mental illness is just mundane to me and so is to Ivan; I think Dostoevsky did a marvelous job at portraying just how uneventful it can feel from the inside and we see it the contrast between what's happening to Ivan and his reaction to it and also between the other characters' perception of him and his own perception of himself. There is nothing other than concern coming from his loved ones, no judgment, they acknowledge that he's unwell and they usually refer to him as such; Ivan on the other hand refuses to and therefore refuses to take care of himself or, God forbid, let others take care of him. He knew an episode was approaching, but as long as he was physically okay his mental state didn't matter to him. Ivan's biggest flaw is that he's independent and self-absorbed (for lack of a better word) in an unhealthy, negative, bipolar way and it only fuels his anger: the only valid judgment and opinion of himself is his own and he doesn't have a positive view of himself. The devil tells him the people at the trial will pity him and Ivan snaps; he doesn't want to be pitied, he doesn't want to be seen as "weak" because he has internalized refusal for "weakness" and "cowardice" (he asks himself if he's a coward in different occasions, sometimes straight up calling himself that). How could he not have internalized it? He was neglected growing up and as an adult he always seems to be held at an impossible standard due to the way his personality was forced to develop, from being expected to keep the peace between the Karamazovs to even after his father is brutally murdered; at the trial Ippolit Kirillovič says that if Ivan was so sure of his brother's innocence, why didn't go to the police after Smerdyakov's confession? To them that must mean said confession never happened and that Dmitri is the murderer, but in reality Ivan (poor thing) didn't go because he was delusional and thought the two of them were going to confess together the following day. People expect him to be able to think straight and fix his family's mess even when he can't. And still, he doesn't break down even at the trial: he's firm even in his delirium, he never falters, his voice never breaks, he's determined and strong like he's expected to be, even if the others can't see it. He does the right thing for himself, not caring about anyone else's opinion, and in a sense he's some sort of modern Cassandra, cursed to tell the truth without being believed by those who can save his family (and in some versions of Cassandra's myth she goes mad due to witnessing the fall of Troy). He never cries; there's only one mention of him crying in the whole novel and contrary to other characters crying, it's not something we are told by the narrator himself but it's thrown in a conversation between Katya and Alyosha by Katya. Ivan only cried in private, in front of the person who insisted to take care of him. This talk about his relationship with "weakness" and the (partial) act he puts up definitely makes more sense in relation to part three and I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

Speaking of the trial, I was struck by the attention brought to the Karamazovs', as a whole, ability to see and navigate through two opposite abysses. Dostoevsky, what the hell? Does it mean what I think it means? I don't know, but it sure is a familiar image to me and Dmitri does seem to walk the fine line between regular human behaviour and diagnostic criteria, but I don't have many thoughts about that, it could be anything really, mostly because none of them are actual real people. My own interpretation of those characters is more "literal" even if I know they're just tools to convey certain topics and messages and if you want to get more symbolic with them please do, I'd love to read it. Honestly I like the idea of a character with a heavily emotion-driven arc such as Ivan having a disorder that fucks with one's emotions so much; also seeing someone behaving like me being treated with tact and a particular kind of sensitivity by the other characters and the author himself is so special to me (at least considering the historical context, I mean they could've just thrown him in a madhouse and called it a day but nobody even thought about doing that) because uhm...I didn't receive such kindness growing up.

There are many characters from other books, movies, and shows that I love and relate to but have never seen as bipolar coded in any way, they were just relatable, but Ivan hits different as he's the first character I've seen that is so unapologetically bipolar. I've watched shows and movies with characters that canonically have bipolar disorder and even they can't hold a candle to him (let bipolar people or at least people who are familiar with them write bipolar characters I'm begging you). There isn't a single character from The Brothers Karamazov that I hate or even dislike (yes, not even Fyodor, he's not a good person but he's a good character) and all the brothers are special to me, but I just can't help having this soft spot for Ivan, I want to give him a hug and my meds.

I'm not really going to talk about Ivan's ending because while I do obviously have things to say, they don't belong here. I just want to say that him having an open and uncertain ending (I love open and uncertain endings) even more than the other characters do is very fitting.

And that's a wrap! Thanks for sticking with me and I hope this was an interesting and maybe even educational (there's a lot of ignorance regarding bipolar disorder and I try to raise awareness every time I can) read, but most of all I hope I managed to make sense. I like this part more than part three because I wrote it after surviving the seasonal change while during part three I was in the trenches but oh well, the past is past. No notes on part one and two, those are good I guess. Also I've said variations of been there done that a ridiculous amount of times in this whole thing but my Twitter display name is Ivan Karamazov kinnie for a reason. And I won't apologize for the shitty jokes by the way.

See you soon* with other literary analysis!

*= don't rely on my words too much, it could be tomorrow like it could be in ten years

[allyriadayne]

Any alicent x aegon thoughts for season 2 ???

yes!!! many!!!! most of them are about the inevitable power struggle that will ensue between them. i am your mother i have always controlled you vs i am now your king, i'm no longer your child. to me this will become more apparent when otto gets fired again, alicent and him aren't in exactly good terms but she can't conceive a life without him moving the strings so aegon's first hit to the (family) power structure will inevitable create friction between them. alicent already ordered him during ep 9 that he must deny otto when he asks for rhaenyra's life, already assuming that aegon will fold just like he has done all those years but no!!!! he won't!!! it will be a bitter pill for alicent (and for all those adults that threw aegon around during his formative years) that aegon will no longer hear anyone that isn't himself.

i think otto will be the first stone on the road, and that rook's rest will be the next. the council (and esp alicent, this time as his mother) won't want aegon to risk himself because if he dies there's no guaranteed that jaehaerys (maelor? eh) will get a peaceful regency without aemond the wayward uncle usurping the power or rhaenyra sizing the chance (like she did! like it actually happened!). to me, aegon will want to.... i won't say prove himself but maybe look for glory in the easiest way. he has aemond, he has vhagar who already ate lucerys, an old woman like rhaenys should be easy. aegon got a taste of acclamation and love during his coronation, he wouldn't want to get rid of it so easy.

another power volley will be when aegon is in his sickbed. aemond will seize the political power but the more personal one, bodily one, will belong to alicent over aegon's burned and vulnerable body. i'm still not clear as to how much the showrunners will have aegon conscious or aware? but seeing as larys will be doing his little boy routine and tell him he survived dragonfire, i think he will be more aware than in the books. which it's really exciting for me because, and this is a fantasy, headcanon, not real or possible (MAYBE?), i want alicent to phantom thread aegon. i want her to munchhausen him. i think their dynamic could benefit immensely from alicent making him depend on her at all costs, making him sick and denying him milk of the poppy, then nursing him back to health and then the cycle begins again 😵‍💫 he should be tender and open and with alicent only to help.

ANYWAY

tl;dr my thoughts for alicent and aegon next season consist of a constant power struggle between them. i predict the same for alicent and larys because the common denominator is that alicent now without a husband and her son as king, has the chance to really grasp some of the control she's been denied for so long. in concept she's as safe in her position as she could be because to her aegon while lazy, drunk and despondent has always folded to her in the end, she's not afraid of him the same way she is of aemond who is more independent, but as aegon too comes to power, they will be at odds for a time until there's only the two of them.

EDIT: omg i forgot that criston will be made hand by aegon while at the same time under alicent's leash. this will be really fun (for no one, just me) when it gets to be a repeat of alicent ordering criston to bring her luke's eye and him saying he's only sworn to protect her, not to act against the king's wishes. super ready for criston to be their volley ball 💜

[fairymascot]

hello, here are my rambly thoughts about the yellowjackets s2 finale, because i watched it a few hours ago and i'm just barely beginning to process it. cut for mega huge spoilers, obviously.

so the first thing i did upon finishing s2 was of course googling when s3 was due. and it was then i saw the show was planned for five seasons. this flabbergasted me, as i had totally assumed s3 would be the last. i mean, SO MUCH stuff had already happened. how much more stuff could possibly go down.

but once i had time to really take it into consideration, it... totally reconfigured my perception of the show so far. i suddenly realized that the first two seasons were little more than an interlude. an exposition. think about it: we saw each character in their own separate lives, dealing with their own separate dramas. only periodically, partially intersecting. and all their dramas, the budding conspiracies, the attempts to tie it all together -- ultimately, it all fell through. shauna's lover really was just a random nobody with no ill intent. the shady reporter was just an agent taissa hired to snoop around a bit. taissa's son is probably perfectly normal, and the only issue was her. travis really did just kill himself. they are all just sad, fucked up people, who were mostly fucking up their own lives.

this is because none of this was the real plot of yellowjackets. the real story in the present timeline begins in the last couple episodes of season 2, when they are all finally fully reunited. actually, to be more specific, it begins in that scene in the last episode where they embrace the darkness anew, and begin the chase.

this darkness, this thing that came from the wilderness with them -- whether it originated from within them or without, it is clear it is so much bigger than them. and that is the heart of the story, not cheating or blackmail or murder investigations: how these adult women will handle the darkness that almost wholly consumed them as teens. will they succumb to it? or will they rise up against it? that's what we're just barely beginning to see as of s2.

now, regarding natalie's death. the fact i am devastated aside-- i see numerous fans complaining, calling it bad or even malicious writing to kill her when she was the only character beginning to grow in an actually positive manner. and while i understand that it's frustrating and upsetting, it's also exactly what needed to happen. BECAUSE natalie was healing, she could not remain. BECAUSE she was beginning to build a life for herself and put the past, the wilderness, behind.

in fact, her death itself was an act of defiance: she broke their fucked up hunting game by sacrificing herself to protect someone outside their circle. yes, in a way, she did what the wilderness wanted. but in a way, she was also telling the wilderness 'fuck you'. she was resigning as queen. she was resigning as hunter. she chose humanity. she was ending the game. if the remaining seasons are indeed about those women stepping up to face the darkness head on, then natalie's refusal to participate, and her prioritizing a (healthy, untainted) connection to an outsider, meant she had to be removed.

i have no idea what the show holds in store. the thought that we're not even halfway through is dizzying. but i can say one thing with a fair amount of confidence: i do not for one second believe this is a show about healing.

sorry, natalie. you were doomed the second you started getting better.

[batsplat]

tired: 10 year anniversary of sepang 2015 next year

wired: 20th anniversary of jerez 2005

(we need to get gibernau on like oxley bom podcast or any other podcast which would ask great questions and won’t let him yap too much. come on guys please)

the establishment might forget but the streets (me and 2-4 anons on tumblr) won't

y'know it was kinda annoying when marc skipped the jerez presser this year because usually at least one enterprising soul asks some kind of jerez 2005-related question, just to remind everyone. just to check in whether they'd be interested in doing it again. because the journalists clearly absolutely loved it the first time, very much here for the drama of it all. so we had all those 2016-19 era pressers where marc and valentino were two guys who obviously hated each other but also had this fun legacy link. which gave all the other blokes in the room (riders and journalists alike) to just do a little round of 'yeah those two nutters', which marc and valentino are sometimes more sometimes less responsive to depending on the current vibes of the relationship. I miss it!! and I actually really like jerez 2005 for agenda purposes because it's like. the super flashy bit of the feud everyone remembers. so you have a big talking point that ensures nobody can ever QUITE forget sete's name... but also it misses out all the real juicy stuff and allows valentino to erase sete's story forever and ever, which we've established by now I'm basically supportive of

anyway I was thinking of the four year anniversary of jerez 2005, the first time since 2006 sete was actually in the paddock

and valentino gave an interview where he does talk about the race a little bit, which is also fun in the context of the brewing jorge rivalry

Q. For some people this is the 'real' start of the season, this is such a big grand prix for you isn't it. Valentino Rossi: I agree because Jerez is always fantastic. The track I like a lot but the atmosphere around the circuit is completely different compared to Qatar and Motegi. We hope also the weather will be different because we fight a lot against the water in the first two races! This time the forecast is okay, so it is possible to make a normal weekend, because the first two races of the season were very strange. Qatar, and also Motegi, it was difficult to work with the bike together with the new rules with less time on the track. So the test here was okay, I won a lot of times on this track and had big battles with Sete (Gibernau) and others. I think it is possible to do a bit better than the first two races, but anyway 40 points is so important, we are close to the top and we are happy with our performance.

it's really only the one battle he has with sete at the track!! not one of the tracks where they have several goes at it. but well. it was a memorable fight so we'll allow it

Q. You haven't won a race, but you are right in there as we come into Europe. That's very important isn't it? VR: Yes. Taking 40 points in the first two races is crucial for the championship, because of the strange situation. We have tried to make the best of it. I preferred the Motegi race compared to Qatar because I was just 1.3s behind the victory and it was a better fight and better to enjoy. In Qatar I was all alone in the race, in the night, so it was quite scary! For sure Jorge and Dani will have extra motivation in front of all their fans, but we try to fight.

"in qatar I was all alone in the race, in the night, so it was quite scary" shksdfh. he's not wrong though:

dire era. anyhow - if anything valentino gets exactly as much extra motivation from going to spain as the actual spaniards do, check out how he behaves every time he's fighting spaniards on their home soil

Q. You said in Japan, probably four people can win the championship this year. That's good isn't it? VR: Yes. I am in a good shape, Yamaha is so competitive and we work well with the team. I assumed already that Jorge, with more experience on the Bridgestone tyres, would come back and fight for victories. Stoner is always impressive and strong and Dani (Pedrosa) demonstrated in Japan that if his knee is fit then it is possible to battle every Sunday for the championship. So I think it will be very interesting going to the end. Q. We hear you are coming to the TT in the Isle of Man this year, what do you make of that? VR: Dainese organised it for me. For the motorcycle fan it is great to go to the TT one time to understand it. It is like something unreal when you see it on the television so I am very curious to understand it live, and what it means to be there.

"stoner is always impressive and strong" speak on it

Q. If you find yourself going into the last corner fighting for the lead with your team-mate Jorge Lorenzo, like you did racing against Sete in 2005, would you make the same manouvre? VR: With Sete, that race was unforgettable from the first lap we start to fight, but especially the last lap and a half it all happened. I was able to overtake on the last time and I took a small advantage but I made a small mistake on the back straight. Sete came back on me and we nearly touched at the hairpin before two or three overtakes to the last hairpin so it was not just one braking (manouvre). It was a very hard fight. If with Lorenzo it happens the same, then..... Yes. I want to say that time with Sete, I didn't enter in the corner to touch him. I entered to try and overtake and win the race, but unfortunately Sete doesn't crash and anyway he finished second. But anyway we are ready for a battle and we wait for the battle and if it's possible for a race with a rival at the same level like that time with Sete with three or four overtaking in the last lap. It was great. In the last lap - it was great. I think it was our sport. If you look at the races of ten years ago it happened 100 times in one race. I like to run like this. Sometimes you win sometimes you lose.

now I have to suspect somebody made a mistake here and valentino didn't ACTUALLY say "unfortunately sete doesn't crash" or he was joking or something. surely that was supposed to say "fortunately". I mean it'd be very funny if he said unfortunately

having watched this race a fair few times, I won't argue with vale that it was very much hard racing from the word go - and sete in particular is proper feisty on the first lap. obviously, that's still a teensy bit different from barrelling into someone at the final corner, but oh well. also, saying he didn't want to make contact... I mean, if you're making that move it was always going to happen. glad valentino's still enthusiastic about it!! he had a lot of fun!! and I'm sure by 2009 he was starting to miss that kind of fight lol

and yeah, the line "if with lorenzo it happens the same, then.... yes" is fantastic. he's very consistent on this - if yamaha wants to hire two teammates who can fight for the championship, then this is what they'll get out of it :) of course it makes it nicely pleasing that... well, the first visit to spain that year yielded valentino's first victory of the season, but jorge was a bit of a non-factor. (though valentino did execute a lovely final corner block pass on casey, important for the legacy.) but then the SECOND time they went to spain that year, you get the final corner catalunya shenanigans!! it means you have a bunch of 2009 quotes that already sound kinda vaguely foreshadow-y, including sete's fun little quote:

good luck jorge :) there's also plenty that gets said before and after the 2009 races that later became pretty funny in the context of jerez 2013. so there's just something cute about what a legacy that this one act of final corner terrorism has had on the entire sport, in a way that goes beyond the sete feud... let's not forget that a completely ubiquitous aspect of today's riding - dangling a leg when you're taking the corner - is generally believed to have originated at this race. let's not forget that during the infamous 2015 season, the sete rivalry was explicitly referenced at jerez that season to probe valentino's rivalry with marc. it's a move that still gets referenced every single year they return to jerez for a reason! it did so fifteen years ago, it will once again be so next year. long may it continue