#yes in the sense of forming a strong emotional bond but also literally in the sense that deep down he wants to be owned

[antisocialxconstruct]

oooughfhfg in my head about Maksim tonight folks

[lurkingshan]

Some Highly Recommended Kdrama

My pal @troubled-mind asked me if I had any recommendations for good kdramas to watch, and my answer to that is: literally always. I put together this short list for them and decided to share in case anyone else is interested.

Parameters for this list: modern setting, strong focus on friendship dynamics, mix of genres, avoid university settings, no one-sided romantic pursuits, and no terribly sad endings

Be Melodramatic/Melo Is My Nature (Viki)

Fantastic friendship focused drama about a group of close friends who all move in together in the wake of personal crises. A healing drama that includes a couple love lines. And an out gay side character (still extremely rare for mainstream kdrama, unfortunately). This one will make you laugh and cry.

Happiness (Viki)

Pandemic zombies attack! Now I am not really a zombie person, but I absolutely love this show. It’s about a pair of working class besties who decide to get married in order to win a housing lottery (one of them may or not be hoping this fake marriage turns real), then immediately get caught in a lockdown with all their new neighbors when there’s a zombie virus outbreak. Shenanigans ensue! This is more action thriller than horror, and the two main characters are some of my all time favs. The writing, plotting, and pacing are tight as hell and it’s a rare perfect 10 for me on that front.

Coffee Prince (Viki)

MY BELOVED. This is an absolute classic genderbend kdrama that I’ve watched several times. The show that made Gong Yoo famous. An honest to goodness queer narrative about a chaebol who meets a girl pretending to be a boy for poverty reasons, falls in love, and has a bisexual awakening. This show was way ahead of its time even if it doesn’t use our modern language (you will not hear the words trans, non-binary or bi/pansexual but trust me, they’re there). Also features a fun friend group who all work together at the coffee shop. I try to make everyone watch this one, and recently got @bengiyo and @kyr-kun-chan to watch and validate my read of the story, and they enjoyed it a lot despite the messy hets. Be warned though that this drama is old old, so you’ll need to adjust to the visuals.

Fight for My Way (Viki)

My all time favorite friends to lovers drama, this is a coming of age tale of two best friends and their long journey to getting on the same page about romance. Their dynamic is fantastic and the story is mostly set in their early adulthood as they try to establish themselves in careers and make sense of their bond as adults. Also features their close friends who form a fun little group with them. And Park Seo Joon, a god among drama actors.

Hospital Playlist (Netflix)

If you want excellent friendship dynamics, look no further. This show is all about a group of five friends who met in college and have stuck together for over two decades and all of life’s ups and downs. The story begins when they find themselves all working in the same hospital for the first time since med school and decide to restart their old band. Yes, there will be singing, and no, you don’t have to cover your ears - the cast is stacked with South Korea’s best musical theater talent. This drama is slice of life and takes us through a couple years with them as they reforge their bonds and each deal with their own family baggage and love lives.

Misaeng (Netflix)

My all time favorite workplace drama that has the unique distinction of being the only show to ever make me literally burst into happy tears. No romance in this one. Story centers on a former baduk prodigy (think if Reply 1988 Taek stalled out instead of becoming a master) who attempts to enter the workforce with no discernible skills. He bumbles and fumbles and alternately competes with and bonds with his fellow interns, and forms a deep and lasting relationship with his mentor. When I tell you this show is a master class in writing to create emotional stakes, phew! How else can you explain me getting deep in my feelings over the success or failure of an import/export company?

My Mister (Netflix or Viki)

This one is a bit darker, as it deals with themes of intergenerational trauma, abuse, poverty, depression, and general ennui. Not a romance, this drama focuses on the strange and unexpected bond that forms between a middle aged man and a younger woman working on his team. They meet at an important inflection point in both their lives and forge a friendship that changes them both. Really moving and utterly beautiful, with an ending that will make you feel happy to be alive.

Extraordinary You (Viki)

Time for a change up! This is a fantasy show in which the main character becomes self aware and realizes she is a side character in a manwha. Technically set in a school (inside the manwha) but not actually about that. She bonds with another side character who is self aware, and the two of them start working to change the story so that they can break free (and fall in love while doing it, naturally). The concept of this one is just so cool and they do a lot of interesting things with it, plus the visuals are stunning.

The Uncanny Counter (Netflix)

Because I know you liked Oh No! Here Comes Trouble, I’m adding this one about a kid who discovers he has superpowers and teams up with a little found family of grim reapers to fight evil. The family unit is great and there’s lots of good stuff in their various relationships with each other. This one is a lot of fun but also touches on the characters’ sad backstories and family lives.

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (Viki)

You said to avoid university settings but I’m adding this one in case you want to give a classic college romance a try. My fav in that category, it’s a sports romance between a weightlifter and a swimmer who used to be childhood friends and reconnect in college while they’re struggling with performance issues, body image, and romance. It’s a friends to lovers slow burn and they are utterly adorable.

If you like any of these, let me know and I can give you more recs!! Y’all can hit me up anytime, getting other people to watch my fav shows is one of my number one joys in life.

[ravewing]

Erm hi, you should totally talk about Flames relationships with the other Jma students like idk, maybe Carnelian or Umber

HAII HAI HIII HI !!!!! thank you for the ask bro get ready for a yap session

ill start out with carnelian – flame definitely looked up to her, at least in the brief time that they knew each other. she was strong, respected, a soldier who fought under ruby, and flame wished he could have had that kind of control over his own life. he saw in carnelian everything he wanted to be– feared, honorable, a real skywing who grew up with her own tribe. he had none of that. being raised by the talons set him apart, and carnelian’s disdain for him was pretty obvious.

but i think that if they’d had more time, their relationship could have evolved into something closer, maybe even a friendship. and id like to think that shed form some kind of respect for him, too, especially after she learned about the things he went through with the nightwings. i think that she reminded him of viper a bit, too, which could've made him more subconsciously drawn to her (with viper and flame having the (imo) closest 'bond' of the alternates). back on them bonding – i really do believe that they could become close over time (after they both got over their defensive emotional walls of anger and fire) especially given how carnelian was just beginning to become accustomed to getting close w/ other dragons (namely umber who also i think would help them become friends).

on the topic of umber – i personally dont ship flumber, but i do think that the two would get along very well. umber has that calm, grounded energy that could balance out flame’s anger and frustration. flame, for the most part, lashes out because he’s never had anyone to confide in; he's never had an outlet for his emotions. umber could be that for him– someone who listens and helps him work through what he’s feeling instead of just pushing it down. over time, i think umber would help flame find a sense of acceptance in himself. flame doesn’t really know who he is outside of all the anger, but with umber’s patience, i think he’d start to figure it out.

i say this a lot and i literally have no reasoning behind it but i like the idea of flame and pike becoming friends. i can imagine anemone casting a spell or something to make pike leave her alone, so this pathetic little wet dog of a dragon attaches himself to the tail of the scary red skywing that hes roommates with. he’s this small, irritating little nuisance at first, constantly following flame around, but eventually, flame gets used to him. there’s something about pike’s persistence that wears him down, and over time, i think flame would start seeing him as a younger brother. in a way, pike would remind him of squid– annoying, yes, but also someone he deep down cared about, even if he never admitted it. flame’s not great at expressing that kind of affection, but i think he’d grow to care about pike in his own way.

moving out of jade mountain here– i think flame and winter becoming friends would make a lot of sense, especially after the events of arc 2. winter, in many ways, was once where flame is now– hating himself, feeling trapped in his own anger and trauma, believing that he was beyond redemption or love.

winter could help flame understand that his scars don’t make him a monster. he’s more than his past and hes more than what others have told him he is. winter knows what it’s like to feel worthless, to carry the weight of past mistakes and believe that there’s no way out of that darkness. and because of that, he’d be able to relate to flame on a deeper level– he recognized the anger and pain that flame keeps bottled up. i can see winter being patient with him, even when flame lashes out, knowing that the rage isn’t directed at him but at the world and at himself, because hes been in flames exact situation before.

i also think that flame and peril could bond over their shared experiences of feeling like monsters—flame with his scars and anger, peril with her firescales and as scarlets champion. both have spent their lives believing they were dangerous, unlovable, and defined by the destruction they caused, so peril would understand flame in a way that few others could. she could help flame see that being feared and having a violent past doesn’t mean he’s beyond being loved or redemption. also something something about all skywings holding some form of resentment towards peril and flame not having that inherent distaste about her because he knows what its like to be an outsider too

some other characters ive thought about interacting with flame (but not long enough to actually formulate anything of sustenance about) are pyrite, liana, nettle, and sora.. maybe another day ill talk about them lol. sorry if this seems really disorganized and cluttered, im super tired and just got home😭😭

[angelsdean]

Dean might been raised to be like john and copied everything that he does (leather jacket, hunting, music, etc) but at his core, sam is much more similar to john and thats the reason they clashed so much.

Theres a difference here - we litteraly spent 15 years watching dean growing up to be the person he needed to be not the person his father wanted him to be.

yea i do think sam's inherent temperament is more like john-- quick to anger, one track mind, centers himself and his emotions over others, deflects blame for his own actions + their consequences.

while dean's inherent temperament is more like mary (incorporating some of spnwin mary's traits into this) --feisty and strong willed but also caring and nurturing (mary was good at bonding w/ kids in spnwin like dean and also i'd say she was a good mom w/ her young children just was distant when she came back due to her own grief and the strangeness of their situation) both are avoidant about somethings, tends to keep things in more, need to internally process (tho i will say and have said, dean CAN and DOES talk abt his feelings. just. not to sam. and sam is just as avoidant, usually deflecting and asking others to talk to him instead of sharing his own feelings)

in the early seasons (and what we can infer about their childhood and teen years based on what they've said) it's very clear that dean played the role of mediator between the two hotheaded ones in the family who where always clashing, sam and john. dean filled the role mary left. he has to be a mother and pseudo partner (i do not mean that sexually obvs) but in the sense of the role of an equal adult figure. john treated dean as his co-parent basically. he gave young dean adult expectations and responsibilities. dean may have fought back and argued sometimes, but after a while he learned it was better to just stay quiet or side with john. because Not taking john's side led to dean being sent away, which left sam vulnerable, and dean's whole purpose that john ingrained in him was to protect and look after sam. he can't do that if he's thrown out of the house as punishment for dissenting, so he falls in line. this obvs from sam's perspective makes it seem like dean and john are a united front against sam, that sam is the outsider. he's not wrong for feeling what he feels, but sam, from his limited perspective, does not see the whole picture. he doesn't learn about john sending dean away as punishment until they are adults. he was unaware of a lot going on around him, the way a lot of kids are unaware of their parents issues when they're young.

anyway, we see dean evolve and change for 15 years, yes! he starts off as the mediator between sam and john. he just wants to keep the peace and unite his family again. for dean up until this point, family is everything. and in s1 family is very limited to literally just the three of them. john never let them form close bonds with other people outside of them. the most they have are bobby and pastor jim, and even then, in s1 they're not very close to either, and have been estranged from bobby for some time. then we see dean break away from that role of mediator when john is out of the picture. he also starts to question a lot of john's choices (not that i don't think he was questioning them before, it's always been a complicated dynamic), but after john tells dean he might have to kill sam, that sends a jolt to his system and he goes, no! No, i'm not going to kill my brother / pseudo-child just cos my father-god says. He gets a bit angry. He starts to actually let himself feel that anger toward john that he's kept at bay for so long, now that john's gone. Then there's hell and 40 yrs of unimaginable trauma. Thirty years of torture and 10 years of torturing. Dean comes back angrier, yes. His anger is a symptom and response to his trauma. hes's never been taught good coping mechanisms and expressing emotions wasn't exactly condoned or safe in john's household, so a lot of dean's pain and grief and shame and remorse for what he did and what he endured gets filtered through anger. Unlike sam, dean never gets a proper arc to confront and deal with his hell trauma. he doesn't have an angel come and take on the brunt of that trauma. he has to bury it all down and keep moving forward to the next conflict, the next big bad, the next apocalypse.

And even still, even after all that, and more years of trauma and loss, dean still holds on to his humanity and love and desire to help people and his goodness. (And i'm not saying sam doesn't have these qualities either. sam, esp early seasons sam, may share more inherent qualities with john but he also has qualities from mary and he also is his own person, who is also good at his core) But yea, dean could've been way worse after everything he endured, and we do see him struggle and stumble, but ultimately he breaks free of a lot of john's teachings and behaviors and he becomes more than just that blunt little instrument.

[dirty-urie]

Diamonds and Daggers: a Ramble

This is a mess I don’t know what to tell you

First of all, I’m obviously interpreting most of the this song as literally sexual. Yes, it has deeper meanings, but i really don’t think it’s a straight up metaphor for getting fucked over by the music industry the whole time. I’m interpreting it like this because I’m horny! But also because I think it does Brendon a disservice to ignore what he’s explicitly (…very …explicitly) trying to communicate with the lyrics at face value. This song, I believe, was written for PFTW, that album is a love letter to vegas, reflecting on his youth from a place of success. A significant part of his Vegas youth and early success was his sex life. Obviously 😂 I have a whole blog about his sex life. So there’s some truth to it. Also, Brendon has always been very autobiographical in his writing, so I wouldn’t he surprised if almost everything comes from a place of real life experience, even if his main purpose is to communicate the punishing, addictive nature of his career.

Anyway. This is a bad time to tell you guys I’ve always had a slight masquerade mask kink 😂 they just make people hotter. I’ve started appreciating the emotional intimacy intimacy side of sex so so much more in the last year and a half or so as I’ve been unpacking trauma and forming strong bonds with who I’m attracted to, but fuck if the thought of having a no-holds-barred all night fuckfest with a mysterious stranger doesn’t sound pretty appealing 😂 especially a man even though I generally fantasize about women. Maybe it’s because men are already sub-human to me, so a faceless jacked sex slave to wordlessly do my bidding sounds perfect (THATS A JOKE DONT CANCEL ME)

(He’s a baby in this gif and therefore unsexy but you get the picture)

This song is what I envision when I think of early-to-mid-twenties Brendon on sexy Vegas romps (and the overly sexualized picture of Vegas in general… not just the sad expensive dusty desert town it normally is in reality. I mean, it’s fun, but normally not sexy sexy like you would wish it was.) Debauchery and anonymity and eagerness certainly. Beyond the physical setting of Vegas, I feel like d&d (unfortunate abbreviation), calls on some of his early touring days. A blur of substances and hotel rooms and more substances and sensations pretty people he’ll never see again in a good way. I love the submission and masochism, first of all because it’s so so so Brendon, but also because it depicts his… I’m not sure the right wording. Lack of maturity? Inexperience? Naivety of the time? Maybe self-doubt? It’s not quiiiiiite immaturity in the way But It’s Better depicts immaturity (shitty cocktails and naively believing you can find emotional fulfillment in meaningless sex. While there’s some sense of sex and booze dulling the pain, it’s different somehow. Less overt? Maybe it’s the ever-present sense of self-satisfaction, even when he wakes up alone in an alley, he’s still thinking of the taste of her. I think a lot of it could be that this song was looking back on naivety while BIBIYD was written during a place of strong naivety still. The boys had likely never actually been to a strip club at the time nor formed serious connections with sexual partners.) I mainly get a sense of deference to his partners as he’s assuming they’re older and/or more experienced and can show him the best way to a good time. In addition, the concept of novelty comes into play too there. If he lets a bunch of different people show him the way, he’ll learn a bunch more than if he’s leading them. I also love the line “I thought I’d seen it all ’til you dropped me to my knees”, mainly because it’s hot, but also because it really captures the awe and inexperienced naivety of young, exploratory sex. “You’re telling me there’s more?! 🫦🤤” Plus the “tell-tale heart” line tells me he was probably putting on a facade of confidence while nervous and/or embarrassingly excited deep down, which is another hint at immaturity and inexperience. It’s possible the heart mention is meant to imply more yearning for a deeper connection beyond the sex, but idk. It’s a demo so I’m not going to look too deeply into the lyrics themselves as they could just be drafts and placeholders without muchhhh meaning. It could also be a more tasteful way to bring up arousal. The words “tell-tale” make me think of him trying to play things aloof with a woman or other partner while obviously achingly hard. I’m sure there’s a connection to the Poe poem (the poe-m if you will), but I don’t know if it goes deeper than wordplay with the title.

B’s verified comment on But it’s better. Also the stripping story is wild and a little sad but I digress

I’ve always loved the juxtaposition of seedy shit (I’ve been fucked in many a shitty motel and apartment, and I have the most messed up nostalgia and romanticization of that time) and a classy facade, which I feel like the song really encapsulates. The black tie almost-eyes-wide-shut-esque orgy/S&M sex club, the velvet rope, waking up stumbling and fucked well, even the iconic “silk tie tourniquet” alluding to shooting up using nice clothes hbjjjsjsjk (I’m a recovering addict for those who don’t know and drug imagery+sex either makes me really horny because it’s double appealing or I go into a full blown panic attack because extremely iffy consent 😂 a fun Russian roulette game I play. But this imagery is appealing). Basically nice clothes scattered across the floor while debauchery takes place (I have a formal wear kink also if that wasn’t clear).

I’m obsessed with the hunger and desperation. We always knew Brendon to be a horny bastard, especially teens (ew I know) through late twenties. He still desires and enjoys sex now of course of course. But it’s slower, more about relishing emotions and forging emotional intimacy (for example, MOAB’s make-up/break-up sex depicted the emotional effect of sex on a relationship, the yearning to be physically close to make up for everything else. Sugar Soaker is playful moans and flirty teasing, probably drawing at least some inspiration from Sarah and his sex with her. But both songs certainly take sex… not for granted, but not as something he thinks he needs more than oxygen.) this song however. It’s a visceral biological NEED and that’s clear. It’s not making love, it’s fucking… hard (I did not mean to reference 50 shades 😂 but I realized I was as I was typing.) “wanna taste it all,” “beg and crawl,” “til I choke,” “starvin’”. Even as he’s fucking, its never enough: “louder, faster.” (I wonder if that’s his request or his partners’ for him. I assume he’s often the one penetrating [certainly not always. Pegging, fingering, etc. Not my thing but you do you. He says he’s never had penetrative sex with a man and I believe that just because why would he lie when he’s told us so much about his sex life already?], so it makes more sense coming from a partner he’s fucking. but could be a request coming from him during a blow/handjob, being ridden, impact play, aforementioned buttstuff, grinding, so it’s certainly not a given. I like the ambiguity, plays into the vibe of sex coming from everywhere and surrounding his life. Maybe he doesn’t even know who’s begging, just knows everyone fucking needs it. Maybe two people are fucking next to him and they’re requesting more, who knows? Not them and not me 😂) It also shows Brendon eager to please which I love. Lots of oral talk. That makes it clear that he’s desperate for more than just a quick orgasm despite the frenzy. He wants the new sensations, the skin-on-skin fervor, the satisfying moans of pleasure as you make someone come hard on your face (i miss eating pussy 😭😭😭😭😭😭) I feel like baby Brendon and modern Brendon fuck for the same length of time, the main difference is just that baby Brendon comes at least twice and sometimes early on, and elderly Brendon comes once at the very end when Sarah is tapped out and quivering and the sheets are soaked and fuck I’m going to come, someone sit on my face. My mouth is watering. It’s like baby Brendon is rushing to have more sex as he’s already deep into someone’s cunt. Nothing is ever quite enough. Like shoveling your face at a buffet even though you’re surrounded by food.

BAHAHAHAHA how did he say this with a straight-face

There’s definitely some slight hyperbole. While I’m sure he did attend orgies and get fucked hard against walls, there’s omission of the real-life awkward moments and human connection. It’s a high-light reel. Even the waking up in an alley moments are glamorized somehow. Like, he had bad haircuts and rotted on filthy tour buses and jerked off alone to shitty porn and had awkward embarrassing moments too back then. It wasn’t all underground sex parties. But I’m sure, especially in retrospect, some times just felt like a blur of bodies. It reminds me of hey look ma a bit, especially the music video, just going as hard as you can until you break down

While, again, I’m not analyzing anything too too deep (mostly I’m too sleepy and horny and a little sad tonight to be doing anything with my brain), I do want to touch on the phrase “Diamonds and Daggers” itself because it’s the title. It does kind of sound like words Brendon thought sounded good together and used as a place holder without much meaning, but I think at the very least, he’s talking about a carrot and stick type thing. He wants the good and the bad equally, pain with pleasure. This sort of plays into the idea of getting off on the very idea of depravity and sin so he wants it all. Also of course, it’s a metaphor for the music industry. I know I’m taking these lyrics very seriously and I appreciate the double entendres but I’m sorry, I’ve heard about his love-hate relationship with his job a billion times. I haven’t heard him getting strapped to walls a billion times. Fuck me 🤤 Also im autistic so literal meanings are easier for me 😂

There’s something about this song that is exactly what I’ve been wanting. It has the Vegas vibes that are a little deeper than just TWTLTRTD (which leaves a lot to the imagination but nothing is explicit. Calling himself a libertine, letting us imagine the sordid details of a casual affair, a FWB situation with Ms. Jackson, ggb about a threesome, partying in Vegas lights, a desperate hooked feeling about a person in nicotine, an obviously partially physical love affair throughout collarfull.) The lyrics to the original Vegas Lights sort of scratched the itch as they were more explicit but they were still more about generally being young in a party town. D&d has more art to it than MOAB or Sugar Soaker, which, while songs about sex, are kind of “I FUCKING LOVE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE IM SO FUCKING FAMOUSSSS” (Sugar Soaker sounds like a demo to me. I’m dead serious. I like it, but you can hear Viola’s influence and I don’t love him.) Honestly, as much as Panic! Is a sexy band who sings (sang 🥲) about sex, it’s normally in the context of an affair or relationship or shrouded in deeper meanings about the music industry or the nature of relationships. While this song certainly has that, it’s less annoying about it 😂 and like, the lyrics themselves are arousing I guess. That’s what it boils down to. While I might get aroused listening to casual affair and imagining him fucking me in secret while we sneak around, none of the lyrics themselves make me wet and desperate. These are different. And while I’m sure the initial thrill will wear off, it’s still a different effect than his slightly subtler songs

I wonder why this one was scrapped and adapted into Roarin 20’s (and I’m sure influenced other songs. Like hey ma.) I mean, it’s possible and likely this was always just a demo for him to capture the PFTW thematic and auditory vibe of reflecting on his wilder Vegas youth, and would never ever ever move beyond this anyway in the form of a song. But still, he wrote this sexy song for a reason. Could have been he was feeling nostalgic and horny but a reason nonetheless. He went as far as to record it, I do wonder if he wanted to make an explicitly sexy song for that album. I mean, it does fit well with the hedonism and music industry critique and pain and pleasure of pftw. But maybe he had to tone it down by label request or he didn’t want to feel to exposed (a good call considering a few atrocious fans during that tour) or maaaaaaybe even Sarah but I doubt it. She respects his art to the point that I don’t think she’d intervene unless it was explicit detail that obviously pertained to her (maybe why sugar soaker was toned down, but again, I think that’s just viola’s vibe). Or he just didn’t love it? I like that we’re getting it in demo form only personally. I’ve always sort of had issues with some of Brendon’s production and it’s easier to just say “it’s a demo, it’s going to sound a little bit shitty” than “THIS COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER AGH 😭😭😭” plus it’s more intimate. I wouldn’t exactly want to see him sing this live (well maybe once but that’s just to see his face and body as he sings it. But not every night.) and while I’d like a music video because I can see this song SO CLEARLY in my mind 😂 there isn’t one that would satisfy me short of straight up porn (and then I wouldn’t like it still because of the ethical ramifications so 😂 maybe if it was simulated sex with a qualified intimacy coordinator and also we get to see his actual naked body including his cock then I’d be happy enough. But still nothing he could put on YouTube.)

But speaking of a music video, I do want to translate it into another medium. Maybe a fic? Especially if it was a bunch of tiny vignettes and less of a traditional fic. Or maybe just more inspiration for my longer form fic. I can’t really draw but I could trace certain elements into cohesive visuals or try painting. I would consider commissioning an artist but I’m poor, and again, I see this so clearly in my head. So I’m worried an artist would butcher my mental image.

To conclude (for now), a list of lyrics that made me dizzy in a good way in no particular order (it may just be all of it lol):

Strapped to the wall

Louder, faster

You dropped me on my knees (SO GOOD FUCK)

Pull me back into the black-tie masquerade

One hundred perfect bodies, zero names

Evening gowns and eye holes, no taboos

I wanna taste it all

Could move it to the mattress if you want (mmmm submissive man, tumbling into bed together, yes 🫦)

The taste of you that’s left inside my mouth

Lock me up and keep your name under my tongue (it’s a shame this one never made it into any real panic songs. It’s clever enough and it works well with a lot of Brendon’s ideas. Codependency, addiction, more about the music industry.)

[ballwizard]

florathinker appears (i took two hours to write this its going to be extremely long im so so sorry)

So i was really disappointed in Layton and Luke because of what they said about Flora and how it was all really mean spirited (saying its too dangerous when she's clearly chilling as fuck, and in the hotel trying to deflect not thinking about future flora and then distracting her from being angry at them, and then of course literally just ditching her the second her back is turned when she went OUT OF HER WAY TO MAKE SANDWICHES GRAHFHGYH), and while i dont think Layton is a bad person, heres what i think (also im basing this off of only playing the ds games i dont know anything about the 3ds or spinoffs other than plvsaa): I think Layton has like, only enough emotional energy for one person at a time, and that spot is very clearly occupied by Luke. I dont think he means to come off sounding the way he does (epic autism), and he still clearly cares for her but i think as a father he absolutely does not fit the bill. Which is unfortunately what Flora both wants and needs. I think a portion of the reason why Layton is so reluctant to care for her more deeply is also related to losing Claire so quickly, so forming strong relationships proves to be difficult because theres always going to be an anxious thought of "what if i lose them again?", especially considering the type of shit going on daily in Layton's life (ferris wheel moment). I think this caused him to keep everyone in arms reach and never closer, and become uncomfortable when someone tries to bridge that gap. This allows him to control his fear comfortably after Claire's death. He is hospitable but treats everyone with caution. The obvious exception here being Luke, but he has known Luke for longer and i think it's easier simply due to time spent together.

Comparing this to Flora, she was isolated for her entire life, its not like she doesn't know her parents are dead and im pretty sure she knew the villagers were robots anyways (considering she saw her false mother's personality get wiped and completely replaced). So yes, while she wasnt technically alone, she would know the truth and feel that way. Then along comes the professor being kind and gentlemanly like a father would, she instantly bonded with him. I imagine her to have extreme abandonment issues. She's clingy to Layton because, well, what else would you expect her to do? this is supposed to be her new guardian; and they did get along in the beginning (referring to the curious village HD cut scene addition where the trio hang out) but then it changes when the professor just leaves her there doing absolutely nothing while him and luke get to do cool adventure shit. So she is alone again, entirely.

Layton obviously isn't oblivious to this, and he expresses how he feels bad about lying to her and being a dick; but I think he is selfish in the sense that he prioritizes his own comfort over ensuring the emotional well-being of the child he now has the responsibility of taking care of. I don't think he's able to emotionally connect with her consistently with the lifestyle he lives and should have passed custody to someone that both he and Flora could trust, and while technically this would go against the whole purpose of St. Mystere being a test for her prospective guardian, the Baron did specify that Flora didn't have to stay with the person who discovered her if she didn't want to. And I think that given the circumstances, despite the bond she would understand, and she could still hang out with the professor without the feeling of abandonment because the entire dynamic changes from father to mentor; which would work out a lot better for both Layton and Flora's sake. Soooooo why did he not do that?

In the cutscenes with Claire, its clear that she puts a major emphasis on Layton being a gentleman, and it went straight to his head (you had a custom built car so you don't have to take your hat off, buddy). I think that he cares so much about performing as a gentleman that he doesnt think about actually being a gentleman, as he doesn't take into account how what he does will affects others. As long as he reaches this goal in his mind, then he's done a perfectly fine job and nothing is wrong. Thusly, in his mind, it would be ungentlemanly to do anything but keep Flora in his care, because he was instructed to do so and it therefore became his duty (possible autism connection as well?). The issue arises when he doesn't know how to handle this job especially with no experience raising kids on his own (Luke does not count because despite their time spent together, emotionally he still has the basic fundamentals of a mom and dad raising him, Flora on the other hand does not and would have much deeper emotional needs than Luke would).

So to him, when Flora gets upset because he lied and ditched her, he simply doesn't understand, and assumes that she is being clingy and unreasonable. But, when Inspector Chelmy agrees with Flora and calls him out on it, he gets caught off guard and defensive ("Inspector? You too?"). He uses keeping her safe as an excuse to rationalize his own behavior, because he's stuck in a paradox of trying to do his best as a gentleman and in pursuing that goal leads to being cruel to Flora, the exact opposite of what he sets out to do. He simply doesn't know what to do, so he goes with the option that makes him feel safe.

Back to Flora, this clearly doesn't bode well for her. Constant abandonment, real or not, is extremely mentally damaging. Even more so is when she finds out they did it on purpose (the sandwich incident). This would take a massive toll on her, and while the good times with Layton and Luke are very nice, there will always be a lingering sense of betrayal and fear. Subject to this repeatedly over time, she would shift from being clingy to entirely avoidant. She can no longer trust or rely on the professor, and she doesn't know anyone else. She can only truly rely on herself and will ingrain that belief to protect herself. Isolation would be her true comfort at that point.

I think if Layton were to admit his wrongdoing and be able to apologize to Flora, they could get along very well again. But as she gets older I think it would take a considerable amount of time for them to reconcile. Not impossible, but it would take Layton the monumental task of working through his own trauma and then attempting to undo the damage he did with Flora.

also all of this could be me projecting because i relate to flora being weird girl isolated for years but og well :P. and this isnt all to say that layton sucks i love him very much and i think these flaws actually make him much more interesting and a deeper character.

anyways i think we should give flora a gun, whatever she wishes to do with it is what she will. thank yo for coming to my ted talk

Your mind is literally so huge. I love you. Hi. You're so fucking correct in any way and seeing this all put into words is helping solidify a lot of similar thoughts I've been having as well cuz like Damn. Daammnn. The abandonment stuff especially in UF/LF is the biggest reason i ended up making my flora comic in the first place ; I really wanted to let her cut loose and express her frustration and have an outburst, without being brushed over as a joke especially these panels:

i especially wanted to take into account how guilty I think shed feel by 'imposing' on layton whenever she feels frustrated by him leaving her behind- she doesn't want to feel like a burden and make her leave her behind for good. (hence her backpedaling immediately after realizing she was letting her frustrations out). both of them are like. So traumatized . and the only way for either of them to fix their relationship is for layton to first sort through his own shit and you know he's not fucking doing that anytime soon LOLLL. I ❤️ PSYCHOANALYSING CARTOON CHARACTERS

[gofancyninjaworld]

Can’t Earn Love: ONE’s take on the fallacy of worthiness

One of the more unexpected twists in the OPM manga’s Monster Association arc has been the cooperation and mutual respect that’s sprung up between Tatsumaki and Genos.

I have been a bit bemused by the number of Redditors wondering if we’re seeing the start of a romantic relationship between the two. Here’s a couple for flavour: this and that.  There’s more if you look. 

In much popular fiction, the hero saves the girl and she finds herself appreciating his charms and falling in love with him.  Even (no especially), if she hasn’t liked him for good reason.  Even if he has many flaws that remain unremediated.  So in that respect, I can’t blame the posters for recognising a pattern.

In most other works, they would be absolutely right.

However,  ONE really really hates this trope.  He absolutely rejects any idea that one can earn or deserve love out of good deeds. Oh god, how much does ONE hate this shit? I’ll tell you.  Below the cut

One of the first one-off collaborations he did with Murata ahead of publishing One-Punch Man was Heroes of Fury which is ONE’s send up of the classic trope of the beautiful princess who has been kidnapped and whose hand is promised to whoever is brave enough to rescue her. That this is a really shitty idea is realised by having the ‘heroes’ (the rabble competing to rescue her) realise that she’s not conventionally pretty and raze the kingdom to the ground instead.

you should totally find this manga -- funny, short, biting and it’s interesting to see how Murata’s art has evolved in a decade

Unrequited love plays a big part in Mob Psycho 100. Mob becomes a better person in pretty much every way: physically, mentally and emotionally stronger. More confident.  More courageous. More resourceful. Knows himself better, trusts himself to feel his emotions without feeling overwhelmed.  He finally does the Big Thing he’s been wanting to do since the beginning of the series: confess his love to Tsubomi.  And she rejects him.

Tsubomi doesn’t say yes, and that’s fine.  It’s not because she’s bad or stuck up in any way and it’s not because Mob’s done anything wrong. She just doesn’t see him that way, which makes sense when he’s barely spoken to her for years – actually, even if they spoke daily, it’d still make sense.  And that’s all there is to it.   Critically, Tsubomi is not villified for rejecting him, and while it sucks for Mob, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not been a bad experience for him.   Besides, now that he’s no longer putting her on a pedestal, they’re actually able to phone each other and talk.   Who knows what the future might hold?  

probably one of the best lines -- Mob realising that rejection isn’t a judgement of him as a person and that yes, he will be okay

ONE presents the inverse in Makai no Ossan, where the protagonist’s son, Tarou, is fancied by their neighbour’s daughter, Tsuno. She’s strong, brave, capable, smart, saves his life a couple of times, plays all the notes of the hero proving his worth to the fair maiden, but he doesn’t reciprocate. Even though he’s looking for love in all the wrong places (literally) and she’s right there. Which causes Tsuno quite a bit of angst. In the end she wises up and realises that there’s nothing wrong with her, and he doesn’t hate her either: he just isn’t into her that way.   Incidentally, there’s someone who does have his eye on Tsuno, but she doesn’t like him.  So it goes! 

Treating rejection as The Worst Thing Ever is one of the great crimes out there. It sucks, but it’s just one of those things that you recognise that you have the right to do and others also have the right to exercise.  Not a bad thing.  Life goes on.

Now there are a lot of things that can be earned.  Gratitude. Trust. Respect. Appreciation. Support. Co-operation. Camaraderie.  All of those things are important. They can deepen over time to form strong bonds.  They can come with genuine affection.  But those things are not romantic love. That you can’t earn.  There’s no rhyme nor reason to falling in love with someone.

Bringing it back to topic, the only way the story will ever come to portray Tatsumaki and Genos falling in love is if it was only Tatsumaki being rude to Saitama that kept her and Genos from finding each other at least interesting.  What are the chances of that?  Extremely remote.

Which isn’t to say that they won’t have anything to do with each other.  ONE holds a wide variety of positive relationships that make better people of its participants in great regard.   I don’t think it’s something said or shown often enough in popular media.  There’s too much made of family and falling in love and not enough of everything else.

ONE may not yet have written a falling in love story.  But he has written a staying in love one in Makai no Ossan, where the protagonist may be an honest, hard-working man who would literally do anything for his family but has found himself relentlessly drifting away from them nonetheless.   The story depicts his healing that rift not by any of his great acts of courage and strength (although he does those too), but by learning and choosing kindness and recommitting anew and being present in their lives and through that finding love and meaning.

You might not be able to earn your way to love, but keeping it strong, now that’s earned.

[redrobin-detective]

Side Effects of ghost powers

Hey all! I’m writing a DP fic called Side Effects exploring the physical and later mental/emotional impact of Danny initially getting his ghost powers. As an ICU stepdown nurse for 3 years, I wanted to view Danny’s accident through a slightly more realistic, medical lens. 

Note: I had to fudge a good amount because Danny really should have fucking died and there’s no getting around that.

I do recommend you read the fic first before reading this as there’s some spoilers. Or if you don’t care you can read on. So! The two factors we are looking at regarding the accident are: ecto-contamination secondary to electrocution. 

Electrocution

I was forced to downplay a lot of the severe symptoms of electrocution because, again, a bad enough shock will kill someone. My hand-wavey explanation is simply that the portal didn’t activate at a deadly voltage so he got a good shock but not enough to be fatal. I guess.

Muscle weakness/spasms: intermittent muscle spasms are common from shocks, muscles being activated by electricity and reacting to the lingering impulses. Danny’s is transient but quite annoying for a time. But his muscles are gonna be weak and achy af for days if not weeks after from the massive contractions caused by the shock and the after effects. Sensory issues: lots of things can cause nerve damage, including electrocution so Danny is experiencing some pretty severe neuropathy primarily manifesting with numbness and tingling throughout his body. His entire skin and peripheral nervous system got fried so while its mostly numb it’s also super sensitive for a bit of time causing massive pain and discomfort from your body tingling like a thousand bee stings. It’s worst in the hours after the accident but is something that never quite really goes back to normal both from the electrocution and his ghost half taking over and generally dulling his sense of touch.

Hearing/Vision loss: Like skin/nerves, your sensory organs in your eyes and ears would be affected by such a severe and allover electric shock. Danny has some blurred and occasionally double vision from his eyes not properly receiving/understanding input. Hearing loss is common following electricity given how delicate the inner ear is but I just give Danny some nasty tinnitus (ear ringing) for a bit. This inner ear problem also massively throws off his balance when he’s trying to move post accident. These factors are exacerbated by the ecto-contamination and mostly fade in the days following the accident before going away as his superhuman healing kicks in.

Heart Arrhythmia: an irregular heartbeat caused by the electrical impulses that control basal heartrate not coordinating they they should for a variety of reasons, in this case, massive electric shock. Danny would be somewhat aware of it, its not exactly painful exactly but you can just feel that your heart isn’t beating right. Secondary side effects are dizziness, chest pain, fatigue and shortness of breath. This resolves almost entirely when Danny stabilizes

Cognitive issues: Danny got his brains a little scrambled in addition to his molecules being rearranged. The first third of the story Danny is very clearly NOT thinking straight and Tucker/Sam should not have left him alone. Shocks can cause things like irrational emotional behaviors from hormone release along with memory loss and depression. He constantly waxes and wanes in mood and opinions on what to do in the story and never comes to a true decision that, damn lucky for him, worked out on its own.

Ecto-Contamination

Alright so Danny got massively shocked, sucks right but people live through that all the time. Ecto-contamination is more tricky (not only cause its made up and I had to think about what symptoms it would theoretically produce) but because the effects are more life threatening. It’s also irreversible, once he was contaminated it was only something that could be survived not cured. 

So I theorized that Danny got shocked by the accident and was slowly dying of ecto-contamination and was pretty much clinically dead for a brief moment there, the death was enough for the large quantity of ectoplasm in him to immediately coalesce into a ghost (Phantom). So Danny was mostly dead but not quite, I’ve coded and brought back enough people to know it can be reversed somewhat. Danny becomes Phantom but the sudden stable formation of the ectoplasm into what its supposed to be, a ghost, caused his body to stop fighting the ectoplasm as a foreign invader and become part of the self. His core finished forming in his chest and his body started back up again, his ghost safely nestled in his once again living body as he slowly comes to grips with his actual death experience. 

Nausea/Vomiting: I likened the idea of ecto-contamination to radiation poisoning, something that is essentially the antithesis to life. One of the first symptoms of radiation is n/v which is also why it’s one of the first overt symptoms Danny has. He was heavily electrocuted/irradiated and his body wants to expunge it all. As for the ectoplasm/blood he vomits, that’s the next section. 

Gastrointestinal (GI) Bleed: So I was a little mean here. When one vomits up blood (or in this case ectoplasm/blood mix) it has to come from somewhere and a lot of the times it’s a GI Bleed. These are nasty, they need to be either cauterized or surgically repaired not to mention replenishing the blood lost. Fanon says that ectoplasm is at least mildly corrosive to humans so it is here, as it’s bonding to him, it’s literally eating him very slowly from the inside out which is causing a great deal of his internal pain. It’s not enough to be immediately life threatening but would kill him eventually. He developed some nasty bleeding ulcers in his stomach which let in blood and ectoplasm which were expunged. Danny’s core formed overnight and began healing the damage it had previously been causing but Dan is still gonna be vomiting excess blood/ectoplasm not to mention having black, tarry stools for at least a few days afterwards.

Hypothermia/Tremors: Hypothermia is when the body hits 95F/35C which Danny is just above at the start of the chapter. Danny initially starts shaking really bad (rigors) but as his body temperature cools further his shaking slows and eventually stops, a sure sign that the body is rapidly losing the fight to hypothermia and will likely die soon without immediate intervention. This is caused not only by the ectoplasm but his ice core shakily starting to form inside of him. Once he fully turns half ghost his hypothermia doesn’t change but it just no longer negatively affects him (I say Danny hovers naturally around 96-95F/35-33C getting much colder as Phantom at baseline. His body still can be damaged by going too cold but that’s a whole other post.) 

Incoherency/Hallucinations: I mentioned in the electrocution section that Danny is more than a little addled and the contamination didn’t help in that regard. Not only is he not thinking clearly but he’s also getting a little delirious and seeing things. Common hallucinations I see are: someone in the room watching you, things crawling on the walls, creeping shadows, you’re in the wrong place. I think its a solid 50/50 as far as Danny straight up hallucinating but also becoming more aware of natural ectoplasm that hangs around in the atmosphere. (And before anyone asks, yes Clockwork did come and visit, Danny just doesn’t remember)

Pain: Being electrocuted, irradiated, being dissolved slowly on the inside is enough to cause massive amounts of pain. Danny is 14, he doesn’t understand true pain and probably underestimated how much it would hurt. Once it got bad, it was almost paralyzing so it got to the point where even when he wanted to call for help, he couldn’t move or think past the horrible pain of his every molecule slowly dying and rearranging itself.

Weakness/Fatigue: I don’t really have anything much to add for this section that hasn’t been said in the others. Just the combination of all of the above meant Danny is so incredibly weak and fatigued, this will be problematic in the days and weeks following the accident as his body heals from the stress put on it. Poor boy was probably just getting past the worst of his symptoms by the time of the Lunch lady attack one month in.

Ghost instinct: Going off the medical rant for a minute to go into another aspect of the contamination present in the story, the idea of ectoplasm adding inherent ghostiness to Danny. Its common fanon that all ghosts (through ectoplasm) have their own unique code and language that is just omnipresent and instinctive. Such a massive, body altering dose of ectoplasm saw those things start to leech into Danny even before he became half ghost. The biggest is his fear of being seen, majority of ghosts are completely invisible and don’t want to be seen by the living. As Danny’s suffering and literally dying, he can’t bring himself to confess to his loved ones for very understandable reasons but also this ghostly instinct in the back of his head telling him to hide and get away. Other instincts are a strong attraction to the portal/Ghost Zone, lowkey being able to sense living people around him and a bit of an emotional dampener when Phantom. 

[nat-20s]

Part 5 of Wonderful! Au. *boyband voice* banter’s back alright!

Also on AO3

~*~

Jon: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our regular format. If my husband being horribly soppy-

Martin:-hey!-

Jon: -turned you off the how, this should be a refreshing return to formula, though I can’t guarantee there won’t be further horrible soppiness-

Martin, performatively under his breath: -most people thought it was charming-

Jon: -as that tends to happen when one is recording with the love of their life. If last week’s episode is the only one that you like, too bad, I’m back in full form, and should be at least through the rest of the season.

Martin: This show doesn’t have seasons? Due to the whole lack of a narrative thing?

Jon: I was referring to spring.

Martin: Oh, right.

[A beat passes.]

Martin, flatly: Oh. Great goof hon.

Jon, smug: Thank you.

Jon, sincere: Also, before we get properly started, I did want to actually thank everyone who sent well wishes.

M artin: Yes! We got positively inundated with lovely messages, it definitely brightened both of our days. I would even say it was wonderful.

[Jon groans.]

Jon: I am..not proud of the energy we’ve created for this episode so far, and we haven’t even hit the small wonders. Speaking of, do you have a small wonder this week?

Martin: Mine’s bad action movies.

Jon: Really? I had no idea you even liked them, let alone consider them wonderful.

Martin: Okay, so, saying I like them is a bit of a misnomer? It’s more that I like what they can do more than the movies themselves?

Jon: Elaborate?

Martin: It probably comes as a surprise to no one that I’ve tried my hand at a fair amount of mindfulness and mediation techniques. I’ve found poetry and journaling have been helpful for actually processing life events and whatnot, but when it comes to giving your brain a hard wipe and reset, nothing is half as quick and effective as a shitty shoot-em-up. Somethings about 2 hours of cartoonish, pg-13 violence held together with the absolute loosest of plots brings me to a state of mental blankness that would make a monk jealous.

Jon: How have I never witnessed you doing this? When are you sneaking off to go see Micheal Tarantino or who ever films?

M artin: That’s definitely not the right name.

Jon: Martin, dear, I don’t care. And you’re dodging the question.

Martin, fond: I’m not dodging anything. Since apparently we’re getting into it, you haven’t caught me cavorting with a movie involving more explosions than character development lately because I haven’t been. Haven’t needed it, in recent years. Turns out when you’re not crushingly lonely and working a literal nightmare of job, there’s less of a drive to try and escape your own thoughts. Shocker, I know. Still, to anyone out there that feels like their brain is on fire, go try watching a fast and furious. Any of ‘em, it doesn’t matter. Or even better, Chronicles of Riddick. I can’t remember a single goddamn detail of that movie, which makes it perfect for what I’m talking about.

Jon: I have the strong feeling that th is is a “mileage may vary” scenario.

Martin: Well, yeah, that’s this whole podcast. Plus, I imagine that movies like this would cause more stress to someone who cares about, say, world-building or rules consistency.

Jon: I wonder who you could possibly be referring to.

Martin: It’s a purely hypothetical person, love, don’t worry about it. Any small wonders?

Jon: Yes! Particularly relevant to the last week, my small wonder is stripping the sheets from your bed when it’s been too long between washes.

Martin: How very specific. M ost people would just say ‘clean sheets’.

Jon: Well, for one, I’m fairly certain that we’ve already covered clean sheets-

Martin: Shit, have we? Thank god other people keep track of this, otherwise this show would be unbearably repetitive.

Jon: Christ, yes. I typically check the website a good three times while prepping, and every about one out of those three times I find I’m trying to do an topic we did 30 episodes again. Anyway, um, it’s just nice, I think. When you’ve been too busy or sick or away for awhile, tossing the sheets in the wash makes a room instantly seem nicer. Of all the chores out there, this one, at least for me, has the highest reward to effort ratio.

Martin: Hard agree. Especially when the y have that slight funk of having been around to long, getting rid of that is such a relief. Speaking of, we need to change our sheets soon.

Jon: We can do it after the episode. Who goes first this week?

Martin: Considering last week was only me talking, I’m gonna say it’s you.

Jon: Alright, then. My first thing this week is Martin K. Blackwood.

Martin: Absolutely not!

Jon: Oh, you can do a whole episode on me, but I can’t do one little segment on my husband, whom I love very dearly?

Martin: Not while I’m sat here, no!

Jon: So you’re saying you don’t want me to tell the internet that your resolve to be kind even in the face of indescribable cruelty is one of the mot breathtaking things I’ve ever witnessed, or how I find it incredibly endearing when you get so emotional that your voice comes out as a squeak, or even that, on a more base level, you’re very physically attractive, and I could lose entire days thinking about your arms alone?

Martin, audibly blushing, voice the aforementioned squeak: Oh my god, Jon!

Jon, laughing: Then it’s probably for the best that my actual first thing is best friends.

Martin, peaking the audio levels: Oh you absolute bastard! Do you enjoy this? Do you get some sort of perverse sense of entertainment from riling me up?

Jon: Oh, don’t you start. As if you’re not as bad as I am. Maybe even worse.

Martin: That’s not…

Jon: Yes?

Martin: Okay. Maybe it’s slightly true. Really, what is romance for if not flustering your partner with compliments?

Jon, teasing: I certainly can’t think of anything.

Martin: Hush, you.

Jon: No, I don’t think I will.

Martin: Fine. I suppose you can tell our delightful audience about the power of friendship or whatever.

Jon: I would’ve assumed more enthusiasm, considering this segment is still, indirectly, about you.

Martin: In what way?

Jon: In the way that, to the shock of all, you’re my best friend.

Martin, pleased: Oh, is that what I am?

Jon, exasperated: Yes, dearest husband, I wouldn’t have married you otherwise. Though, upon reflection, I knew you were my best friend before I knew I held romantic feelings for you.

Martin: When was that?

Jon, letting out a breath that vibrates his lips: God it was...2016? I think it might’ve literally been the day after you told me about your CV.

Martin: That early? Huh. I wonder if that’s what people were picking up when they said they we were close.

Jon: What people?

Martin: I don’t know specifically, that’s just what Daisy told me.

Jon: Daisy? When the hell-?

Martin: It...was when she was interrogating me? And, because sometimes I have to be a parody of myself, pretty much my only take away from that interrogation was “people think me and Jon are close”.

Jon: Well then. It’s not like they were wrong.

Martin, smug: No, no they weren’t.

Martin, sincere: And you’re my best friend, too.

Jon: I was certainly hoping that you’re in this relationship for more than my good looks and incredible fortune, both in the monetary and luck sense.

Martin: You say that as if you aren’t good looking, which we all know is patently untrue.

Jon: You’re biased. You’d say I was good looking if I were nothing more than some primordial ooze with thoughts about its station.

Martin: I’m being completely objective. If you were primordial ooze with thoughts above its station, you’d be the cutest ooze of them all. That’s just scientific fact.

Jon: I’m starting to think we might be insufferable.

Martin: Starting to? Might be?

Jon:…

[Jon clears his throat]

Jon: What I find wonderful about the concept of best friends is, to me, they’re the closest thing real life has to soulmates. I don’t personally believe that there’s some..grand mystic force that drives people to be tied together in the manner that narrative typical soulmates are, and if there was I don’t think it would necessarily be the kind of emotional, heartfelt bond one would hope for, but I do believe that there’s individuals that get to know one another, and because of that knowledge, they chose to stick with one another. It doesn’t have to be a romantic, which is why I say best friend rather than specifically ‘spouse’, but I would argue that the basis of a strong romance like you and I have, is very much rooted in that connection. A true best friendship is an equal partnership, and there’s a sense of..matched sensibilities and understanding that can be utterly incandescent when it happens.

I also think that having one or more best friends makes living life on a day to day basis both better and just flat easier. The dark times aren’t as dark, and the bright times shine even more. I know from my own personal experience there are events that I..that I don’t know how I would’ve made it through without you. Hell, last week my..recovery period would’ve taken much longer if you hadn’t been there.

It’s an amazing thing to have someone to share things with, both triumphs and burdens. Um, also, according to Dictionary.com, the term best friends in English has been around since the 1200s. Something about that delights me, like, yes, we’ve had this casual way of referring to a Favorite Person for roughly 800 years. That makes it a hold-out from early Middle English. I dunno, it’s one of those things that make me feel overall very charmed by humanity.

Martin, audibly smiling: No, yeah, hard agree.

Jon: What’s that look for?

Martin: Nothing. Just. I love you a whole lot, you know that?

Jon, voice soft: I may have heard you say that once or twice. Per hour.

Martin: Only that often? I really need to be more diligent about that.

[There’s a bet of silence, presumably where they’re making doe eyes at each other.]

Jon: What’s your first thing?

Martin: Oh, um, right. Rats!

Jon: The expression or the animal?

Martin: Jon, have you ever once heard me say “rats” as an expression? Obviously I’m referring to the animal.

Jon: Ah. Should’ve known, considering that what, a third?, of all your segments have been on animals.

Martin: Yeah? And? You got a problem with critters? With creatures? With lil guys?

Jon, laughing: No, no, it’s very sweet. I’m just surprised you never became a vet.

Martin: Oh believe me, I wanted to. But then I learned that it was not, in fact, a job composed entirely of getting paid to play with other people’s pets.

Jon: You had that job, though, didn’t you? I thought I remembered you mentioning a month long stint at a doggie day care.

Martin, sighing dreamily: Best job I ever had. Too bad that place was shut down after it was revealed to be a money laundering front.

Jon: Good lord.

Jon: Martin did you...did you know it was a money laundering front at the time?

Martin:

Martin: Would it make you feel better if I said no?

Jon: Martin!

Martin: I figured it out like a week in, but, like, who cares? The pay was decent and the floor was super easy to clean, which is very much a plus for even a front of a doggie day care.

Jon: That’s...rather a lot. How about instead of getting into that any further, you tell me about rodents.

Martin: I would love to. But first, we have a shoutout!

Jon: Ooo, a shoutout. Does it specify who should read?

Martin: Let me check. It...does...not…..

...

Jon: Martin?

[A beat.]

Martin: Right! Sorry, um. This week’s shoutout is from Tim, to Danny. It says, “Danny! My favorite person who shares genetic material with me! I wanted to say thank you for your podcast obsession from 4 months ago, and specifically for telling me about these marrieds. They’ve gotten me through many a dull hour at the publishing house. Also, with this shoutout, I’ve officially gotten ahead on the Superior [Last Name Redacted] Brother scoreboard, so suck it. Love you lots, and looking forward to your visit next month, Tim.”

Jon: Oh.

Jon: Um. That’s very..sweet? I think? Mostly?

Martin: Yeah, I’d say so. Uh. We have to take a quick break because, uh, someone is..at our front door! Be back with you all in, from your side of things, just a moment.

[teeztheflag]

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Wolf!Ateez Reaction to when they accidentally hurt their mate

warnings: strong language, fighting, injuries, mentions of blood, mentions of bullying

a/n: ok ok I am really sorry I had to change the request a little bit so it doesn’t become repeating <3

general taglist: @latte-fairytaekwoon @little-precious-baby @yunhobabygurl @multidreams-and-desires

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k i m  h o n g  j o o n g

Usually the alpha was the most caring person with you. Bringing you flowers and spending as much time with you as possible. When the fights between several packs reached his land he knew dangerous times were coming.

Instead of talking to you and taking you to the meetings he decided it would be safer for you to stay in your house guarded when the attacks began.

Little did he know that you were tired of not being included and as the luna of the pack it was time to use your own power to help. Hong Joong was in a full fighting and killing mode when you were circled by five other werewolves who tried to kill you without mercy.

Hong Joong‘s senses were blended when he launched at the intruders and absentmindedly also accidentally bit your leg earning him a painful cry from your wolf.

Immediately he felt like his heart shuttered to pieces not knowing you would be out here in the battlefield. You limp away from your mate and run back to your mansion. Hong Joong changes back into his human and sags to the ground.

He still cannot fully control himself. That’s why he didn’t want you to help. He cries out and lays down on the grass not knowing if he could get under your eyes again.

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p a r k  s e o n g  h w a

Running away from a horde of big - way too big - wolves wasn’t what you planned for your camping trip. It was easy the third time you stumbled over your own feet hearing the low growls behind you. Your blood seems to freeze when you emerge a wide meadow where the only source of light is given by the full moon.

Tears escape your eyes when another whimper leaves you - they circled you. Was this a normal behavior for wolves? What should you do in a situation like this?

You’re only in a light see-through gown because of the hot temperatures these days. It feels like the wolves are strategizing at how they share gazes and let out noises that could be mistaken as chuckling.

Suddenly one of them jumps on you pinning you down to the ground. The animal is flashing it’s dangerous canines at your shaking form. You cannot help yourself to frantically scream and try to push it off you.

It seems to lower itself only more and out of instinct you bare your neck fearing this would be the end for you. The wolf sniffles and licks the spot under your ear. A tear runs down you cheek when you can feel a sharp pain where he draws a little bit of blood.

Suddenly it is pushed off you with force and a much stronger growl leaves a completely black wolf that’s is standing in front of you. You follow the scene in front of you with interested eyes when the other wolves seem to bow down in submission and quickly vanish out of the scene.

Great. The big bad wolf wants you for himself.

It really confuses you when the wolf slowly turns around eying you for a while. You try to get away from it when it nears your form and leans down to lick away the blood that is running down your neck. Again a sound of pain leaves your form to which the wolf backs away in an instant.

A huff can be heard and with conflicted eyes it turns around to escape the scene.

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j e o n g  y u n  h o

„Why are you running away from me?“ No answer.

„Do you like being chased?“ You still don’t answer.

„Okay, (y/n). We know it since three days so why are you not recognizing our bond?“

A tear escapes you which you’re quick to wipe away with the back of your shaking hand. You stop abruptly staring into the depths of the forest. Your gaze turns to the ground when you can sense Yun Ho moving to stand in front of you.

„My little mate. Why aren’t you talking to me? Did I do something wrong?“

„Wrong?“ You look up your hands turning into fists out of anger. Your chest rises with your breaths and you can feel your body heating up.

Yun Ho‘s playful smile soon vanishes and he starts to look concerned. „My love, why are you so sad?“

Of course your souls are already starting to form a connection and he feels your emotions.

„You’re asking if you did something wrong? How about hanging out with all the people that have nothing but bad comments about me left? Laughing at me? Hurting me whenever they can?“

Yun Ho starts to realize what you’re talking about.

„You’ve hurt me, so much already. That is not easy to accept.“

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k a n g  y e o  s a n g

You can feel his eyes burning on your back since half an hour. The beta next to you shamelessly flirts around although he knows your mate is sitting back with his friends.

Yeo Sang was one of the more roguish wolves in your pack always tending to not listen to any orders or picking a fight. Finding out about your bond was actually really shocking to you. You’re probably one of the nicest girls in the pack - according to folks. Always dressed in some pretty dress or blouse and never a too low neckline.

Your connection was still fresh and so far you managed to have the minimum contact with the trouble maker. Just to the point of tonight where the younger people of your pack met up for a campfire and some drinks.

„Wanna take a swim?“ You blush at his words but take his hand anyway letting him guide you through the trees. Standing in front of the lake and seeing that the beta ist already getting rid of his clothes makes you feel bad. He’s smirking at you.

„I don’t know if this is ok...“ Suddenly the beta gets a blow into the face by one of Yeo Sang‘s friends and two of them start to secure the beta in his holds. You’re overwhelmed with the situation immediately and Yeo Sang‘s eyes are dangerously yellow. He gets a painful hold on your wrist screaming at you but you’re not in the position to answer him.

„Y - you’re hurting me.“ Yeo Sang‘s mouth twitches at your words and with a hiss he let’s go of your arm ordering his friends to take you to his home.

The beta spits out blood laughing at the remaining guys and Yeo Sang.

„Great. Now she fears you even more.“ Yeo Sang punches him again knowing he’s right. He lets out a frustrated sigh condemning his short temper.

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c h o i  s a n

It was San‘s highest priority to keep the daughter of their alpha safe. Naturally he was always by your side following you around sometimes to your dismay.

This night you were able to shake the boy off and visit a club with your friends in the town nearby. Mostly humans could be seen here and you finally were able to let loose.

Shaking your body from left to the right you can feel a pair of arms sneaking around your waist to move you to the rhythm with him. Your head falls back landing on the shoulder of your dance partner a permanent smirk on his face.

It all happens to fast when you can feel someone ripping you out of the grip of the stranger. You fall down to the ground hurting your knee in the process. Hissing out you can see your friends immediately rushing to your side while you give the intruder a deadly glare.

San doesn’t stop to give the beautiful man punches when you’re quick to stand up and pry him off the man. San‘s eyes turn into a dangerous color when he eyes you an you know you better get out off here before he looses himself fully.

Outside he has a strong grip on your arm and ushers you into his car. The night flys by while a soft tune is humming. You’re so pissed at him that you decide to better not say anything. Suddenly he speaks up: „You’re letting vampires touch you now? Yeah? The daughter of the alpha is getting it on with vampires!“

„I - I didn’t know he was a - “

„Of course you didn’t! You are so young and literally know nothing!“

After a while of silence you turn to him a sigh escaping you. „I am sorry, San. Thank you for rescuing me...“

His gaze is fixed on the street and he can feel his heart and soul pulling on a bond that is still not touchable for you.

„It is my job to look after you. I failed...“

„No! You didn’t! I promise I won’t ever run away from you again!“ Silence follows but with a last glance San frowns deeply.

„Your knee... this will be a problem when we’re back.“

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s o n g  m i n  g i

„Yes, Min Gi! Just a little bit - closer!“ The wolf under you grunts while balancing you on his shoulders.

Your fingers are close to the fruit that is considered very rare in the realm. Your fingers are close to touching the fruit when suddenly your self made latter shakes and both of you fall down with a low thud.

„Ouch! Min Gi!“ The wolf‘s head hurts and his vision blurrs but hearing your crying he quickly stands up on his paws and howls out.

His tail is wiggling excited while he licks your face and tries to comfort you.

„I - I think my wrist is twisted.“ Tears are running down your cheeks while Min Gi suddenly changes back into his human form a frown on his face.

„Oh my god, I am so sorry!“ He frantically turns from left to right gripping his hair out of frustration. „What should I do what should I do!“

„Min Gi!“ You say through gritted teeth trying to hold in the pain. „Calm down and take me back to the pack!“

Min Gi wears a blank face hurt because he hurt you.

„Min Gi!“

He shakes his head to get a clear mind and sends you a firm nod. „Right. Back to the pack!“

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j u n g  w o o  y o u n g

You and Woo Young often played around in your wolf form chasing each other in the forest. Of course your animal instinct pushed you to little fights from time to time doesn’t matter if it is your mate.

Usually the fights always ended in the two of you changing back into your human body and starting a heated session.

This time unfortunately Woo Young pushed you a little bit to hard against the tree earning him a painful howl out of you. First you can hear him jumping around snickering for winning the battle but when you’re still lying down not moving much he slowly emerges your side tilting his head confused.

„(y/n)?“ He nudges your side with his snout trying to get a response from you but you keep breathing hard letting out little whimpers.

„(y/n)?! Are you hurt?“ Immediately his playful demeanor is gone and he changes back into his human form to search your body for any injuries.

„Oh shit! Change back! Come on!“ He’s totally devastated by now trying to caress you and encourage you with slow motions. You’re a crying mess when you’re back in your naked form.

„Woo Young... my b-back...“ He’s quick to pick you up bridal style and carry you past the trees in a lightning speed.

„Hold on a little bit longer, sweetheart.“ His firm voice and determined gaze really does it‘s wonders and you try to hang on to it until you reach the hospital.

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c h o i  j o n g  h o

Jong Ho could only snicker how you always managed to get out of his way. The campus was big and you really thought the handsome male that just happened to cross your way out of pure coincidence. Of course Jong Ho made sure to follow your every step because he just couldn��t help himself.

Finally finding his mate filled his body with adrenaline and having you not in the eye sight drove him crazy. The only problem that stopped him from immediately getting to you: you’re human. Probably not knowing about the world of magic and their creatures.

It was just the problem that you happened to have a boyfriend and one day it was too late for self control when he had the boy pinned to the wall in one of the cafeterias of the campus.

„Stay away from her!“ Your boyfriend shuddered at the low growl that came from the boy in front of him not knowing the slightest what he did wrong when he just gave a you peck on the cheek.

You screamed and kicked at him not knowing what happened a few seconds ago. When he suddenly turns around leaving you dumbfounded and all the others in the location you decide you wouldn’t let him go this easily.

You follow him and don’t even recognize that he’s going into the woods. He stops in his tracks when you don’t stop talking and you can see him breathing hard. Jong Ho tries to control his feelings but the frustration is taking over and when you try to turn him around by his shoulder he accidentally pushes you.

Your head collides with a stone and blood can be seen leaving the desperate wolf speechless. He runs to your side trying to wake you up but he’s getting no reaction out of your form. With tears pricking his eyes he’s quick to carry you to his pack to help you knowing it is now to late for you to turn back.

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↺ back to navi

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[fawnandshadows]

After The Ceremony - Chapter 5

Happy Saturday!

I was going to wait until Tuesday to post the last chapter of After The Ceremony, but I just couldn't wait! I am so close to finishing the first chapter of my new fic called You Painted Me Golden which I will be posting later this week maybe even Tuesday. I wanted to thank everyone who has read, liked, reblogged, and commented on this story! I never would have finished without all of your encouragement, and I am so appreciative! This story can also be found on AO3

Rating: M

Word Count: 3,903

Warnings: Not super explicit, but nsfw just to be safe

Azriel was a wreck of nerves as he stared at the solid wooden door in front of him. Elain was on the other side — his soulmate, his literal soulmate, his other half was only a knock away, and Azriel, who had been in countless battles and performed unspeakably brutal acts without so much as flinching, was scared. He was scared to show her the knowledge the book in his hand held because even though he knew that Elain had feelings for him, what if she didn’t want this?

He took a steadying breath and raised his fist to knock when the door opened. His hazel eyes looked down to find a flustered Elain looking up at him, her brown eyes warm with relief and crackling with desire. The little sigh that escaped nearly broke him.

“Hi,” Az said lamely, but that was all it took for Elain to launch herself at him. Her arms twining around his neck and her legs wrapping around his hips, her sweet smell of jasmine went straight to his head, and he had to prop his hand against the door jam because his knees wobbled and threatened to give out. “Elain.” He groaned and took a deep breath, trying to inhale as much of her scent as he could.

“I missed you,” Elain whispered and pulled back to plant kisses across his face. She stopped long enough to give him a heated yet shy smile, “Thanks for coming back.”

“I’ll always come back, Elain,” Azriel said and pressed his lips to her forehead. She was so small it was adorable how easily she fit in his arms, even when he was holding her she wasn’t quite eye-level. “Always.”

She beamed at him, and her smile looked like sunlight streaming through a rain cloud, and suddenly every worry, every hesitation, and every apprehension disappeared. He walked through the door, set her on the closest surface —which happened to be the counter in her kitchenette that was also splattered with flour and filled with baking equipment— at his questioning glance she said, “I was stress baking.”

Azriel released a small chuckle and fully took in her appearance. Flour was sprinkled in her messy hair and her cheeks were flush, she had an almost drunken look on her face as she gazed at him with heavy eyes. She looked absolutely adorable. He loved seeing her rumpled and flustered. And suddenly an image burst into his mind of Elain with a rounded belly breaking bread, and two children — an older male with dark hair, and a younger female honeyed hair— running through the kitchen, and his heart started to ache.

The small smile on her face tugged at his heart.

“Have you seen that? In one of your visions,” Azriel asked and at her confused look he explained. “Us, or you, with children.” The loving, knowing smile on her face was his answer.

Wordlessly, Azriel opened the book from the library and handed it to her. She looked surprised, as if she had forgotten everything that had happened that morning, and took the book from him. A frown creased her brow as she concentrated on the words in front of her, and Azriel soaked in every small movement her face made. He was so used to watching her from afar that he relished the opportunity to gaze at her freely. Her face was so naturally expressive it warmed his heart that she didn’t feel the need to guard herself and hide what she was feeling around him, he had noted that she did it with the rest of their family, but not with him.

Slowly Elain lifted her head and her wide eyes connected with Azriel’s. He spent the last 500 years training himself to have an unreadable face at all times, and all that hard word came crumbling down as Elain let out a breathy “oh.” He let her see everything he was feeling: his fear, his anxiety, his limitless and unyielding love. He put it all on his face for her to see.

Elain, more collected than she had the right to be, placed the book beside her and cupped his face in her hands. Azriel stepped between her legs, and his hands gently landed on her hips. He felt the breath leave his lungs as Elain pressed the sweetest kiss on his lips. She pulled back just enough and said, “I love you, Azriel.”

Her heart was threatening to crack her ribs in two. Elain couldn’t bring herself to say anything else once she saw the openness on his face, her heart almost broke at the tender emotions laid bare on Azriel’s beautiful face. Elain watched, and the shadowsinger was surprisingly easy to read without his walls up — she saw the disbelief, the twinge of uncertainty, and wanted nothing more than to wipe away all of his fears and self doubt. She supposed she had the rest of her life to do that.

“I love you, Azriel,” Elain repeated herself and brought his face closer to hers. She brushed her lips against his, which were slightly more puckered than usual due to her hands holding his cheeks, and she had to hold her own tears back as she felt his warm tears stream down his face. “And I need you to know that. This soul bond between us, whatever it is, I would love you just as much without it. I love every scar on your body, and I won’t stop loving everything about you until my heart stops beating because it only beats for you.”

She kissed him again. Her fingers cupped his strong jaw, and his grip on her hips was so tight she knew there would be bruises, but she didn’t mind — she loved how strong he was, and she didn’t want him to hold back, ever. Their lips moved together, slow and unrushed yet Elain could feel his emotion with every brush of his tongue. She pulled back and brushed away his tears with her lips. Her hand slid down his neck to rest over his chest, and Elain could feel his heart pounding just as hard as her own.

“Soul mates, huh?” Elain asked with a silly grin. “How would you feel if I said I already guessed that?”

Azriel let out a harsh laugh.

“Did you?”

Elain gave him a playful nod and said, “Yes. Ever since we all sat down to dinner the first night, I just couldn’t get you out of my head, and when you came for me. I was screaming so loudly, so loudly down whatever bond I could find, and you came for me. When I saw you I knew that my prayers had been answered — in more ways than one. That was when I knew you were the only male for me. The only male that I would ever want. The only male I would ever love.”

Azriel’s hand came up and pressed against hers, pushing her hand closer to his chest to feel the beating of his heart. He licked his lips before saying in a broken voice, “This is yours. I tried to ignore it for so long, I hope it wasn’t — I hoped my heart couldn’t belong to someone else because that’s fucking terrifying. And I thought that it made sense in a perfectly twisted way, that I finally found someone I could love and somebody who could love me back, but the only catch was that she had a mate— the cauldron had given hers to someone else,” A small smile formed at his lips. “I should have known you wouldn’t give a damn about what the cauldron said. I’m not very good with my words, but I will show you everyday that I love you. When I bring you coffee in the morning. When I kiss you awake and kiss you to sleep. When I have to beat up Cassian for the stupid things he says,” Elain couldn’t stop the laugh that forced it’s way out. “Just know that whatever I do, I do it with love for you.”

Elain flung herself at Azriel, and this time he was prepared for her. His arms enclosed her in the safest place she had ever known. Azriel lifted her off the counter, without breaking their kiss, and carried her into her room. He only stopped when his shins hit the wood of the bed, and he let out a curse as he took in the tiny cot.

“It was just meant for one. I don’t think my sister thought I would be… entertaining in the bedroom.” Elain explained with a blush. Gods did he love when she blushed.

“Hold on tight, Love.” Azriel said, and Elain knew what was coming next. In the blink of an eye everything was black and she was engulfed in shadow, and a moment later she was back in Azriel’s room. It looked exactly how it did early this morning when she left it. The same fire crackling in the fireplace and the same cozy quilt on the bed. Elain thought it was cute that he slept with the quilt, but she wasn’t sure why.

Azriel tossed her gently on the bed, only to prop his arms on either side of her, and kiss her again. He kissed her as if he were drinking from her, sipping at her lips, as if she was his only source of life. Elain let out a moan as her finger went to his hair. She loved his hair. He kissed her, and with every kiss they leaned a little farther back on the bed until he was crushing her with his weight. She loved how heavy he was on top of her; it made her feel safe. Elain brought her legs up to wrap around his hips, and she shifted her legs forward in a deliberate move, and this time they both let out a groan at the friction.

Scarred hands fisted in her dress, and Azriel pulled away to ask, “Can I take this off?”

“Yes,” Elain said breathlessly. “Just don’t rip it. It’s hard to find dresses that match your siphons.”

“I love you so much,” Azriel said with a surprisingly gentle kiss, and removed her dress with such delicacy it was borderline reverent, and in no time she was naked beneath him.“And I’m going to tell you every day for the rest of our lives. Morning,” Azriel pressed his lips to her lips. “Noon,” He kissed her bare stomach. “And night.” He pressed a kiss to her hot center.

All of his desperation seemed to have melted away and he licked at her like she was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted, as if she was something to be savored and enjoyed. Elain wished she had his serenity, but her fire was burning hotter than ever, and Azriel’s tongue was the only thing that could soothe her. She gripped his hair a little too harshly and ground against her face in a lewdness she had never experienced before.

The growl that came from Azriels throat vibrated in all the right places that she couldn’t stop herself from coming all over his face. She rode out her orgasm, until the fog lifted from her mind, and when she opened her eyes she saw his molten eyes gazing at her as he licked her center. His wings fluttered ever so slightly.

“Oh,” Elain said with a sudden wave of doubt. “Was- was that ok?”

He grinned at her in a way that promised pleasure and said, “That was more than ok,” He crawled up the bed to her until he was right above her. “I think hearing you scream as you come on my tongue is my new favorite sound.”

Elain’s face heated and she gently pushed his shoulder.

“Do you think someone heard?” Elain whispered and Azriel threw his head back with a laugh. A wild and free sound that resonated deep in Elain’s soul. He didn’t think he had ever laughed when he was in bed with a woman before, but he found he loved it.

“I hope they did.” Azriel said with a self-satisfied smile, and laughed even harder at Elain’s horrified expression. He didn’t stop himself from kissing her nose. He would never stop himself from kissing her ever again.

“Az!” Elain whisper-yelled, and Azriel couldn’t help but adore her more.

“Promise me something,” Azriel said. His hand found hers, and he wrapped their fingers together before brushing his lips against her delicate fingers. “Promise me that you will never hold back. Never suppress your sighs, moans, or screams — even if you’re screaming at me for something I did wrong,” The vulnerability in his voice nearly shattered Elain’s heart. “Never feel embarrassed when you feel anything, especially when you feel pleasure.” The vulnerability melted away into something smoother and headier that caused Elain’s skin to heat and prickle.

“I promise.”

Azriel shifted just a little and Elain felt the blunt edge of him at her entrance, and she didn’t even try to stop the moan came from her throat. He brought their entwined hands up over her head, and the other placed itself at her hip. Elain would have sworn that her blood was boiling wherever he touched her.

“Are you ready?” Azriel asked, and Elain was too muddled from her lust to form words, so she gave him the barest of nods. His lips captured hers is a slow, lazy kiss, and if Elain were capable of thinking she would have been irritated by how collected he was. She felt more impatient than she had in her entire life, and true to her promise she didn’t hold back, she lifted her hips and let out a sharp breath at the feel of him inside of her.

Elain’s eyes had opened just in time to see Azriel’s roll back into his head.

“Fuck.” Azriel let out a jagged breath. He held himself still, Azriel knew how large he was and that Elain needed to adjust to the size of him, the feeling of her soft, velvety heat clenching around him — coupled with an ungodly amount of restraint — caused his body to tremble. He waited until he felt her relax around him before pressing deeper into her, and after a small eternity she accepted all of him.

“Elain,” Azriel said in a strained voice. He waited to hear Elain’s incoherent mumbling before speaking again. “I’m not sure how gentle I can be.”

The brown eyes that gazed up at him somehow turned incredibly clear.

“I’ll take whatever you give,” Elain said with a loving smile. “I don’t want you to hold back either.”

She had shattered his self control — completely annihilated it and smashed it to smithereens. He heard him promise her that the next time would be better, but his hips were already snapping into hers, and then their lips were seering each other's skin, and the smell of their arousal and sweat perfumed the room.

Neither of them cared that the bedframe was hitting the wall at an alarming rate, and that if their family didn’t know what was happening, then they certainly did now.

The only thing the lovers cared about was each other.

Azriel had never left so drained, yet so light, after making love. Actually, Azriel thought, this was probably the first time he had ever made love before.

Soon after Azriel found his release he gracelessly flopped onto Elain. He didn’t have the strength to lift himself up, or pull himself out of her body, but he needed to feel her. Feeling her skin against his reminded Azriel that it was real — that what had happened between them, something he had never even let himself dare to hope, was real and that no one would take it from him.

“Azriel?” Elain said, her voice thick with sleepy pleasure. This time it was Azriel’s turn to form some type of disjointed reply of random sounds, which caused a sense of giddiness to flood Elain. She had done that to the shadowsinger. She made him feel so good that he couldn’t form words. “I think we should do that as often as possible,” She suggested and was pleased when she felt him nod. His head was tucked into her shoulder, and his hair tickled her neck. “I think I want us to make love in a meadow. I found this beautiful clearing a couple months ago, it’s so secluded, it would be the perfect spot. I want to see how your skin looks in the sunlight, fully exposed. All of your skin.”

Azriel could tell that she was slightly embarrassed by her request, and his heart thrummed excitedly with the knowledge that she felt safe and comfortable enough to share that with him. He didn’t think he would ever get used to that. He peered up at her and said, “As you wish, my love.”

Eventually, their frantic love making turned into lazy melding of their bodies and souls. All day and night they planted hot kisses on each other, their bodies easily finding a perfect pace every time they made love, and they stopped only when they felt the need to sleep, but whoever woke up first would wake the other in the most delightful way.

Nobody dared disturb them. Not even to bring them food.

As the dawn broke the next morning Elain and Azriel came to an unspoken agreement that it was finally time to face their family and return to reality, no matter how much they wished they could stay in their own world they created. When they finally tore themselves away from each other long enough to put some clothes on and go downstairs, they realized how hungry they were. Not two seconds after smelling the freshly cooked bacon did Elains stomach growl, in a very unladylike way, and notify everyone in the dining room of their presence.

Everything looked almost the same as it did the day before, except this time Mor was sitting at the table with an absurd amount of food piled on her plate, and Lucien was nowhere to be found.

Mor was looking at the pair with a knowing grin, and Cassian’s wolfish smile was almost enough to ruin the bliss that Elain and Azriel felt. Almost, but not quite. Feyre and Nesta looked almost as happy as Elain felt, and both Az and Elain were surprised at the happiness on Rhysand’s face.

“Good morning.” Elain said tentatively. She noted that they didn’t bother to wait for them to eat. Azriel didn’t say anything, but he followed Elain to the buffet table and held two plates that she filled with bacon, ham, eggs, bread, and potatoes. It was more food than Az had ever seen Elain eat at once, and a blush coated her cheeks at his raised everbrow. It was obvious to everyone in the room how Elain had worked up such an appetite.

They remained silent as they sat in the two open seats at the table, ignoring how everyone watched their movements. Azriel smiled fondly as he watched Elain prepared their coffee.

“Took my advice, huh?” Cassian broke the silence, which caused a flurry of events. Mor, Feyre, and Nesta all scolded him — Mor even smacked him on the head. Amren gave an amused smile, and Rhysand rolled his eyes affectionately, but his smile turned wolfish as well.

“Do you know?” Elain asked, fighting off any embarrassment she might have felt. She didn’t love the idea of her family knowing all of the sensual details, but she knew she did nothing wrong. Maybe someday she would feel more comfortable discussing her sex life, but right now she wanted to keep it between her and Azriel. “About the bond?”

They all nodded their heads.

“And you're happy about it?” Elain asked the group, but it was really directed towards Rhysand.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Rhysand said with an annoying grin. “A bond created by the Mother certainly trumps a mating bond, and now that there is no cause for a Blood Duel there’s no real chance of you guys starting the next war,” The High Lord stopped and thought for a moment. “Hopefully.”

Elain reached under the table to grab Azriel’s hand to give it a squeeze. All of her worries were quickly vanishing except one. She turned to Feyre to ask, “Is Lucien still here?”

Feyre looked at her with surprise in her blue eyes, and Elain knew why; She never once sought out Lucien before, but Elain had hoped to catch him before he left. She didn’t want any more misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

“He’s packing now,” Feyre explained. “At some point yesterday after you left breakfast Lucien tried to feel you through the bond, but the bond wasn’t there,” Her eyes went back and forth between her sister and the spymaster. “We connected the dots after Mor told us what happened.”

“I’d like to speak with him before he leaves.” Elain said, and that was the end of that. They all went back to their breakfasts and simply enjoyed the food and each other's company, and they tolerated Cassian’s crude jokes.

It was an hour after they had finished breakfast that Lucien was ready to travel home to the human lands. Feyre, Rhysand, Elain, and Azriel waited in the parlor to see him off. Lucien shook hands with Rhysand and said a quick goodbye before turning to Feyre to give her a warm hug. When Lucien finally turned towards Elain, who was tucked into Azriel’s side, his eyes widened and he let out a small gasp as he saw the bond between them. For whatever reason he hadn’t noticed the bond between them yesterday, and it was only now that he saw the silver-blue river flowing between them. Elain would have loved to see it again.

“I hope you travel safely,” Elain said with a kind smile. “And I hope there are no hard feelings.”

Lucien tipped his head towards her and said, “I hope you are happy,” He turned towards Azriel and almost all of the warmth in his face had faded. Their relationship was still impersonal and cold, but they had hundreds of years to fix that. “Treat her well.” Was all the goodbye that Azriel got, and the shadowsinger’s response was only a narrowing of his eyes.

“Oh, Lucien!” Elain remembered right before Lucien went on his way. A big smile formed on her face as she said, “Vassa loves orange carnations. Especially ones from the field where you walk.”

Elain was delighted by the blush that appeared on his face, and the stutter that he had as he tried to figure out how she knew. It took a second before everything clicked into place and he realized that she had seen it. Lucien gave a warm thank you before leaving.

“Playing matchmaker?” Feyre asked with a bright smile.

“The world could use more love.” Elain responded before beaming up at Azriel, and she saw him gazing down at her with pure adoration and unadulterated affection. Love churned in his hazel eyes.

“I agree.” Azriel muttered and pulled her into a kiss.

They were finally free to kiss as much as they wanted, and Azriel was going to make every kiss count.

[tokoyamisstuff]

Dark Side Of The Moon Ch. 1 - Dark! Loki x Reader

Chapter 1: Speak to Me/Breathe

Chapter Summary: The last thing you remember was being mortally wounded, now having woken up in a completely different reality. And you’d soon need to face the horrors of who would seek you out...

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Suicide Attempt, Graphic Descriptions of Death, Dark! Loki, Spoiler you kinda die but kinda don't

Words: approx. 3800

[Story Masterlist]

Masterlist to my other works right ->Here<-

Lyrics used from the Song: Kina ft. Snow - Get You The Moon

“Y/N, look out!”

The piercing sounds of gunfire nearby made your eardrums ring, yet Steve’s words got through to you nonetheless.

But you were determined to end this, here and now.

Tony was the first one at your side, catching you in his arms before you hit the floor. However, you could only do so much as whimper a silent apology to your friends, who now had to live with the consequences of your actions.

“Why did you do this?!” you heared Dr. Strange yell as he unsucessfully tried to close the deep cut in your gut. Too afraid of what you might see if you’d look at the wound, your glare was locked on the beautiful sky - yes, the sun was almost setting, and it was somehow calming to you that this would most likely the last thing you’d set eyes upon.

“There was no reason to be this reckless!” Steve followed close by, his scolding soon turning into desperate screams. “Fuck. FUCK!” If Captain America himself is cussing, then it’s as severe as you thought it to be.

Your wounds were lethal, that much was sure.

And of course they were right, as always: You didn’t need to play the martyr here, throwing yourself into danger to shield your comrades - well, you did anyway, and there was no going back now.

On the other hand, they were the ones taking a gravely depressed widow onto a dangerous mission. But you did not want your precious friends to blame themselves for that, for it was your own wish.

Dying in an honorable battle was what would send you to Valhalla, after all - where you could finally meet him again, hopefully.

The only one not having spoken a single word up until now was Thor, very well knowing what all this was about. It was no secret that you were sick and tired of how your life had turned out to be, ever since the Infinity War.

You felt empty. Incomplete. Desperate. Hallow.

The God of Thunder had turned his back to you, yet there was still agony radiating from that already broken man. Your almost-brother-in-law was the only one who could possibly understand your pain. Thor Odinson had lost everything: His homeland, most of his tribe, his family and best friend - and soon, you as well.

All this time, you wanted to be strong. For them, who had also lost so much!

But at some point things just got out of control.

“You can’t leave me alone, Lady Y/N! Not you too!” Thor finally whimpered as he fell onto his knees, softly squeezing your hand. “You’re the only thing I have left from him!

So this is what dying feels like.

The bloodloss caused your limps to go limp, and when the pain began to stop and got replaced by numbness, you knew it would soon be time. Your brain lost the remaining control over your body, and you found yourself encoated by pure nothingless.

Only able to listen by their screams, cries and kind words - at least you’d die surrounded by those marvellous people. It sure was a privilege knowing them.

You weren’t afraid - all in all, it had been a good life, after all. 

There were no regrets.

“Shh” you hushed them, using your last bit of strenght so your lips formed somewhat of a most broken smile, forming words between gurling on your own blood.

“It’s alright, I-” you cut yourself off, trying to scream as a last, torturing pain shot through your whole system. “I-I-I’ll-- meet him again...you know?”

“I’m no-not strong enough, please...” Thor cried out like you had never seen him before, feeling a tide of guilt wash over you. “Loki wouldn’t have wanted you to go like this! He told me to protect you, so you could lead a long and happy life!”

Without him? Impossible!

“You gave me a shoulder when I needed it

You showed me love when I wasn’t feeling it

You helped me fight when I was giving in

And you made me laugh when I was losing it”

Yes, indeed: You had been to selfish to keep on living just for the sake of your friends, burdening them with yet another loss.

“I-I don’t wanna go...this was a mistake, I- please...”

How badly did you want to soothe them right now, telling them that everything would be alright and you’d meet them again, eventually?

It was too late now.

Your body gave up earlier than your soul, which had endured and kept on all this time, even in it’s shattered state.

And when Tony’s palm gently closed your eyes, making it easier for you to embrace the cold darkness, the last thing you heared before your senses gave up were startling you enough to almost bring you back to life:

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

That voice was familiar, yet it didn’t belong to Loki. Dr. Strange, no- Stephen Strange, your friend and mentor of the mystic arts.

“I don’t have the heart to allow this to happen” he stated frantic, making you wonder if that was a dream of your hypoxic brain or if you were still able to hear them? People tend to say the sense of hearing dies last, after all. “She still has a pulse, even though weak. Hurry!”

Their voices were far in the back, words way too far out of your reach to understand. As if you were an outsider, only observing from a distance.

Your friends were fighting, or maybe discussing something. That much you could make up from their tone, but your mind was too exhausted to make sense of anything.

It felt as if you were already without a body, floating through the unknown like a feather in the wind - not knowing where fate would lead you to next.

Everything was numb - even your pain. It was soothing, somehow.

Because you had been a ghost way before, when you were alive even. An empty shell of a human, acting like they weren’t dead on the inside.

Coherent thoughts, memories, emotions...even the fractions of your own past you had both collected and surpressed. Right now, they were all restrained and pushed far in the back of your very core, where you were finally able to evaluate them without earthly bondings.

Was this heaven, hell - or maybe both or none or them?

____

"Be aware of the limits this tactic has. It’s a very drastic measurement that can most likely be used only once in your lifetime, and it is not guaranteed to work either.”

Stephen’s voice again. You recall that scene, it’s been long in the past...but why are you remembering it now?

Yes, this was familiar. All of you had been invited to the Sanctum Sanctorum, a fitting place to teach about this ancient knowledge.

You clearly remembered that Loki was absent in any of the Doctor’s lessons, feeling that a “puny human” was “unworthy” to teach him, and “it would be nothing new anyway, Y/N, I am a god and the way better wizard, I know it all already.”

What he was about to tell you back then was some kind of crazy emergency-plan: Dangerous, unpredictable and escpecially untested.

“I’ve only read about this tactic up until now” the mage pondered loudly as he picked at his goatee, earning some childish giggles by you and Tony. “So I cannot promise that it will function as planned. The Multiverse is dangerous and acts in unforseen ways.”

“Very reassuring” you had mocked at the time, not really biding the topic any importance or thought ever again.

But now...

The trick sounded way simpler than it actually was, being as complex as it is only natural for something like that, costing a huge prize at that:

Dr. Strange would send any of you who were on the brink of death through a portal, thus leading you into a random dimension of this endless Multiverse.

That dimension, in which your alternate self has most likely died, will gladly accept you as a “replacement”. Some kind of what Peter Parker called a “glitch” will occur, instantly healing all of your wounds - even fatal ones, so you could remain in the timeline that was missing you. 

Yet the consequences of this maneuvre would be unspeakable.

_____

“That bastard...” you gnarled internally, finally realizing why you would remember this of all things after apparently having just taken your dying breath. “He didn’t just-”

Eventually, you realized having escaped death’s grip, slowly beginning to regain your senses - yet still refusing to open your eyes.

“I don’t want to leave this place. My friends -- will I never see them again? No. NO! Life is meaningless. Just let me be with him. Please! Loki...”

“’Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

‘Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you”

Another part of Strange’s lesson echoed in your head, revealing that you were now in fact up on your own.

“Not even I can tell just how much this timeline will differ from what you know. Of course I will search for you right away, but considering the countless possibilities, it might very well be that we’ll never meet again. But you’re alive, and hopefully safe. That’s all that counts.”

Grass tickled your palm as you twitched your fingers, testing the limits of your body, which had literally just tricked death. Suddenly, you felt a stinging pain, almost like lightning boring into your temportal. The origin of this pain remained unknown.

When you finally found the courage to sit up, your flesh still feeling as heavy as lead, you realized that Stephen was most likely wrong: He assumed that you’d find yourself in a place you had a deep connection with, yet that place was unrecognizable to you.

Then why were you here of all places?

Actually, this location was incredibly beautiful, managing to stop the aching in your heart, if only for the fraction of a second.

Your former lover would’ve loved this place.

“'Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you”

Even though not all of Dr. Strange’s speculations were correct, you decided to stick to his emergency plan: Find as much information about this “new” earth as possible, point out the differences to your initial one, and then contact the Dr. Strange of this dimension.

Two mages working on crossing each other’s path would at least higher the stakes to find your original timeline.

Well, no one could guarantee you that the Avenger’s existed on this timeline, and they could as well be evil in this one...what a weird and horrifying imagination.

Knowledge really was power - that was another thing Loki had taught you a long time ago, and it would prove valuable, especially in this situation.

As you wandered this surprisingly extensive garden and getting lost in admiring the beauty of it’s nature, you found yourself devoid of any weapons. That fact made you slightly uncomfortable, even though your current location seemed absent of any ememies, making a peaceful impression. 

Seemingly there weren’t any evil schemes going on in this dimension.

It basically were only minor differences, at least that was your first impression. At least there were no changes in natural laws or something as big.

“I miss the days where magic and science didn’t mix up like this” you whispered, mainly to yourself as you examined the new, large scar on your abdomen - the only memory left of your “almost-suicide-mission”.

To be more precize: The only thing left from your former life, now leaving you able to start completely anew, wether you wanted it or not.

Sun had almost drowned behind the horizon, diving the sky in a deep orange. Your eyes were still adjusting, yet you could’ve sworn to see the silhouette of a person. It was far away, at the entrance on what appeared to be a palace belonging to this garden.

Apparently, you had invaded someone’s propery, and you could only pray that it was noone important - or worse, a owner who would defend their ground with violence.

You don’t think your earth had a place this...flashy. The castle was way bigger than any you knew on the other timeline. The first difference you had figured out, yet it was only a minor one.

Maybe the headache you were experiencing was from someone making you  out as an intruder?

One thing was sure: You had been noticed, and you immediately were on high alert.

Where to run to or at least hide?

There was a maze made out of bushed parting you and the palace, and since there was no better option, you’d enter it. Talking to that person and convincing them of your goodwill would make it way easier to gain information.

“You may come out” you declared as you made your way, unable to evaluate the situation properly. “I mean no harm. I’m just lost.”

Was it dangerous to be here? Obviously, you were not allowed to be here anyway.

However, when you had finally found the escape to that maze, only several hundret meters away from the building, the person was already gone.

Had your mind just played a dirty trick on you again? Wouldn’t be the firt time it’d betray you like this...

No. You clearly felt someone watching you.

And as soon as your senses had sharpened to your usual self again, you instantly jumped back, gaining some distance to the Citauri that had just appeared behing you.

Shit! You weren’t ready to fight again just yet. Not like this.

And where one of those vile beasts were, many others would appear. You knew that much.

Had Thanos invaded this earth? Oh god, not again...not him. You were so damn tired of those fights, escapes and especially the pain that always inevitable followed after.

Just when it was about to swing it’s weapon at your head, you felt dizziness crawl up your nerves, making you collapse on the floor. Lucky for you, because only like that, the stike didn’t hit you.

Even though having been taught basic magic skills, that certain kind of spell you were unable to fight against - only true masters of the art were able to perform a sorcery that well.

The Chitauri had left your line of sight, yet the other figure from before reappeared in a pace so fast that your eyes couldn’t follow. They sweeped you off the floor just before your head would meet the hard pavement.

“And now you will answer to me, shapeshifter.”

Once again someone robbed you of the control of your life and body, leaving you without a free will.

How long had you been passed out now? You didn’t know and honestly didn’t care either - since you had nothing to lose anymore.

In the meantime, the owner of those lands had dismissed his guards, not wanting to be disturbed as he was left alone with you in the giant throne room.

The apparent ruler of that unclassified location was sitting on his throne, warily observing you from above. You were lying to his feet at the bare floor, every piece of clothing robbed from you and restrained by a pile of chains. He watched every twitch, all breaths you’d take or groans escaping your mouth until you would finally awake.

Oh, how you really were just like he remembered you, with every little detail he had adored.

At long last, you would finally open your lids again, blinking heavily as you took in your surroundings - but when your eyes met certain emerald ones, they immediately sprung wide open, the emptiness in your heart being filled with all kinds of emotions once again.

The man - it was him!

“'Cause you are, you are

Oh, you are

Oh, you are

You are'Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you”

“Loki!” you screamed from the bottom of your heart. Without a single coherent thought, your legs would carry on their own as your weakened body stumbled in their attempt to climb those stairs.

For both of you, that momend of reuinion had waited far too long.

The god was temptated to approach you, his trembling hands already reaching out to catch your fragile body should you fall - but suddenly, you felt his knuckles digging into your cheekbone.

“Stay away from me, you fake!” Loki yelled furiously as you hit the ground, rubbing your cheek as you tried to understand what just happened.

Yeah, that sure brought you back to reality again, after such a short high.

Right.

That isn’t your Earth - and not your Loki either.

You couldn’t even be sure this world’s Y/N and Loki had the same kind of relationship the two of you had back in your timeline! The only thing you knew was that he knew you from his past, but as it seemed not pleasantly.

Now that you looked closely, he even had less scars, almost looking untouched and pure - like a true, invincible god. Maybe life here had treat him well, unlike his counterpart from your timeline.

He was still wearing that excessive outfit with the golden horns, and much to both your amazement and fear, it seemed that he still possessed theTesseract.

Could it be...

Before you could connect the dots, the king would soon interrupt your string of thoughts. “Drop that disguise, scum!”

Loki kept on degrading you as he paced in front of his throne, brow sinking deeper and deeper. “Don’t think you can somehow appeal to those pathetic sentiments” he explained, “I’ve freed myself from them long ago. Just stop making a fool out of yourself, and maybe I’ll reward it with a quicker death.”

Yet when he saw your most innocent smile, even this Loki would stand frozen in place, deeply in shock.

How he yearned to see it, all those years - to tell you just how sorry he was for everthing he’s done.

No.

He had left all of this behind - to claim his birthright and rule.

“I-I’m deeply so-sorry...that is a mistake” you whimmered with a broken voice, wiping a tear of joy out of your face. “My feelings overwhelmed me, I guess. I’ve never thought to see you again, even if you’re not the same Loki I know.”

Still cowering on the floor, you looked up to him with compassionate eyes, as if he had not just beat you before. You did not dare to make any more, wanting for Loki to try and understand himself.

“A variant?” he gnarled, just like you did when he realized.

No force in the world had allowed him to access other parts of the Multiverse, no matter how desperately he tried - and now fate had literally dropped you in front of his door.

Loki balled his fists in anger, making you flinch as you anticipated yet another blow.

“Dear, I-”

“Shut up!” the God of Mischief shoutet, causing his magic to break free. The walls of the palace were shaking, most windows and furniture having been destroyed. “It’s no use, woman!”

That man was way more powerful than the “puny god” people called names back on Asgard - and his sheer might made you quiver.

Just what kind of monster had he become, and why?

“L-Loki, please...” you tried to appeal to the last bit of humanity  he might possess, and your begging made his guts twist in agony. “You’re scaring me.”

“You better be scared!” he exclaimed, grabbing you by the chin and forcing you to look at him. “No matter what disgracefully weak “alter ego” of me you knew, I am built different. Stronger. Better. Everyone in the Nine Realms fears me, and I desire nothing else! Everything distracting me from fulfilling my destiny and reign over you dull creatures I got rid of. You’re nothing more than an insect I might as well crush right here and now!”

Choking on a sob, he tried to relish that last chance he got to admire you, smell you, touch what he cannot possess...no matter how many universes there may be.

A flood of tears cracked down your face at his words, yet you couldn’t be helped.

No matter what he would say - he looked just like him.

And that was enough for you to feel alive after such a long time of being a walking dead. There had to be a reason you landed right at his home, of all places in this universe. You had a connection, both of you felt it ever since you had been transported here.

"May I ask-” you disrupted yourself, awaiting some reaction. But the conqueror had seemed to have spoken what he thought important to say, not declining your question at all.

Whenever he seemed fit, he could disintegrate you - yet right now, this situation was way too intriguing.

“What happened to myself in this reality?”

Loki swallowed harshly, letting go off of you as he threw you down the stairs. He wouldn’t even bide you one look as he tried to surpress the turmoil of emotion still running through his veins, desperately keeping it from breaking free.

The outcome would always be the same: Suffering, for both of you.

“And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you.”

He only ever wanted it to stop hurting. To become unfeeling, since love had always been poisoning his mind, sometimes being gifted with it even though he knew he would never be worthy of anything else than disgust and hate.

And that contradiction caused him to throw away anything good that happened to him, through you. Let it be taken away from him just shortly after finally learning to remotely enjoy.

You deserved the truth, a reason to hate him even more than you probably already did.

Had you only come to his salvation earlier, then he might have been helped - yet now, he was beyond redemption. Broken. Sick. Dangerous.

And when the Chitauri dragged you away, his last words let your blood run cold:

“She died through my hands.”

_____

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[tennessoui]

Does anyone else wonder what would happen if Anakin & the Clones were to 'steal' some of the Jedi's so called Reject (or ones on the way) Initiates? Obi-Wan did spend time as a Slave & he has clearly been Brainwashed by his CURRENT Masters. Anakin with the help of Aayla, Ahsoka, Vos, Obi-Wan, &Clones could raise them to be great. I never understood why they took the L.S. from the people they sent into the Corps when they say that L.S. are their lives. Basically saying that they are Dead to them.

ahh hello you sent this i think in May and i'm gonna be a bit honest i didn't like it that much because i think it's much, much too heavily jedi-critical for my tastes--obligatory pause for the I Love The Jedi Order ad run-- so i wrote this in about an hour about what i think would happen if Anakin and his men were to steal some of the Jedi Initiates, and no. No, it doesn't go well. Because the Jedi raise their kids in a community for a reason and literally Anakin could not do that alone and there is no way i can see it working on a practical level because I don't think Anakin or his men know the first thing about childcare, save for Anakin's occasional shift at the creche.

I didn't mean for this to be Anakin-critical, but someone had to be the guy getting lectured and i figured it should be the guy that kidnapped some kids. anakin needs to get lectured more sometimes imo.

(1.6k)

Three of the Initiates won’t stop crying, and a fourth has been shivering since they jumped into hyperspace, no matter how many blankets Rex has draped over their form.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Anakin doesn’t know what to do. He’d thought…well, Anakin’s sure that his former master would say that he hasn’t been thinking at all lately, and certainly not when he’d hatched this harebrained scheme to steal away younglings from a cruiser bound for the AgriCorps.

But he’d thought, really, that all Initiates would be like Ahsoka had been when she’d come to him as his padawan. That they’d be snarky but kind, quick to adapt and ready to listen to him as the authority figure.

Apparently, every youngling isn’t the same. Who knew.

The fifth Initiate who had aged too old to be taken in by a master sits in sullen silence by the porthole, but they’re screaming in the Force.

Anakin’s head hurts. He’s being bombarded on all sides by children whose mental shields aren’t strong enough to keep their very strong emotions in. They’re terrified. They’re terrified of him.

He calls Obi-Wan. He doesn’t know what else to do, and he had never, ever wanted to hurt these children. He’d been trying to help them.

It just turns out that he doesn’t know how.

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan snaps as soon as the call connects. Anakin flinches away from that tone. It means danger. Not in a physical sense, but in a I’m Very, Very Disappointed With You sense. Which might be even worse.

“Master,” he says. One of the Initiates lets out a particularly high pitched cry.

“Are the younglings okay? What have you done, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asks him in an aghast tone.

It makes Anakin bristle, even though he’s just been thinking the same thing not a minute ago. “It’s not right that the Jedi just send some of their younglings away! They deserve better than that! They’re children! They deserve choices! The Jedi—they took them from their homes and then they’re just giving them away! It’s worse than slavery! And if you can’t see it, Master, you’re as brainwashed as the rest of the Jedi!”

The holo of Obi-Wan looks at him for so long that Anakin starts to fidget. Finally, his master shakes his head slowly. “That was a very nice speech, Anakin. Who told you that?”

“I can’t think for myself!” Anakin snaps.

Obi-Wan raises a delicate eyebrow and checks something on his datapaad. “I see you were scheduled to have tea with the Chancellor at 2000 last night. Is it safe to presume you discussed the Jedi tradition of sending Initiates to the Corps?”

Anakin blushes furiously at that. It had been the Chancellor, actually, who told him about this in the first place. He’d always known, of course, but he hadn’t known the details. “You take away their lightsabers!” He shouts. “Master, you told me that my lightsaber was my life! And then you just take them away from the Initiates? It’s like you’re killing them!”

Obi-Wan looks alarmed and even confused. “Anakin,” he says slowly. “Are you really expecting the Jedi to let barely trained thirteen year olds run amuck with dangerous weapons?”

“Barely trained? I was only six years older than that when I was Knighted!”

“An event I regret not arguing against more every day,” Obi-Wan rubs at his temple for a second before looking up at Anakin. “A lightsaber is your life if you’re out in the field, on a mission, on a dangerous planet, in a war. In what event would a youngling need one in the AgriCorps? Would you run to the Senate and demand Senator Amidala’s floating podium? I’m sure she would say it’s her life.”

Anakin splutters. It’s not the same.

“But put all of that aside for a second, alright. Yes, I too wish that younglings and initiates brought to the Temple to be trained could all be trained. But there are simply not enough Jedi. And one should never rush a padawanship in order to take on another Padawan. Do you know what happens to the Initiates sent to the Corps?”

The Chancellor had made it sound as though they were forced to do backbreaking work in the fields of the planets the Corps had bases on. Anakin gets the feeling that if he were to say that now, Obi-Wan would disconnect the comm, and as much as he doesn’t need a lecture, he does need help.

When Anakin makes no move to say anything, Obi-Wan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “The younglings you’ve kidnapped—they’re in pain, yes?”

Anakin crosses his arms at the phrasing, but he can’t deny that they are crying.

“Initiates sent to the AgriCorps are sent in groups of ten or more if we can help it. That’s because it helps them latch onto each other and strengthen their own shields, all with a mind healer in the cruiser with them to oversee the process. And upon arrival at the AgriCorps, they’re specially trained still until they would have been Knighted. Not in combat or diplomacy as you and I were, but in meditation and compassion, as you and I were. We don’t…the Jedi don’t just send our younglings out into space alone! We have systems in place that help with the transition. Systems you have ruined because you did not even try to understand them.”

“I wanted to help them,” Anakin protests, but it’s weak and he knows it.

“Help them? Help them?” Obi-Wan repeats. “Padawan, unless you have been spending much more time in the crèche than I have ever seen you voluntarily sign up for, you have no idea how to help them! I have no idea to how to help them! The Jedi raise our children communally for that very reason. You cannot do it alone. Neither could any of us, but together we can. What were you going to do, Anakin? Where would you take them, how would you feed them? Clothe them? Train them? Were you going to form training bonds with all of them? Because you’re powerful, you’re the Chosen One. You don’t need the Jedi Order.”

“I never said that,” Anakin mutters. “I’m not—I didn’t do this because I’m the Chosen One or—or whatever, I—“

“Was listening to the wrong source of information, I am highly aware, yes. Now. We do have your coordinates now. There will be consequences for this. There has to be. Hopefully harsh enough consequences that the next time you think you can abuse your authority over your men to unilaterally right an injustice only you can see, you think twice. You call me before you commit a felony.”

“Palpatine told me you were almost sent to the AgriCorps!” Anakin bursts out. “He said you were made a slave!”

Obi-Wan freezes and turns his face back to Anakin completely. “Ah.” He says.

“You admit it!”

“I…they were hardly related, Anakin. Bad things happen, yes. No matter how hard we try to create a perfect system. External trouble will arise. Like, say, your friend Palpatine who, indirectly through you, has managed to derail a simple AgriCorps drop-off and also ground The Hero With No Fear during a war.”

Anakin curls his lips. “This isn’t about anything but the younglings. I felt them on that cruiser. They were scared! And sad! And confused! And hurt! You can’t tell me you weren’t when you thought you had to leave!”

Obi-Wan runs a hand over his face and stays quiet for a few moments. “I was,” he finally admits. “And I’m sure they are too.” Anakin goes to say something, but Obi-Wan holds up his hand. “I’ll not mention the fact that I’m sure you’ve made it worse for them, despite what I know were only gold intentions. And I will say yes, I was scared. And sad. And hurt. And angry too. I was leaving my home. I didn’t understand why.”

Obi-Wan fixes him with a cutting stare, one that makes Anakin feel all of eleven again.

“Tell me this though, Anakin. How did you feel when you left Mos Espa with my master, Qui-Gon Jinn? Did you feel scared? Or sad? Perhaps angry? Hurt?”

Clenching his jaw around the denial that he hadn’t felt any of those things (he had), Anakin nods stiffly.

“Because you were leaving your home?” Obi-Wan presses.

“No one should be forced to leave their home. No child should feel like that!” Anakin bursts out.

“But do you still feel like that?” Obi-wan ignores his outburst. “Do you still feel angry and sad and scared and hurt all the time? Do you hate the Temple that much, Padawan? The Order? The Council? …Me?”

Anakin stares at him, and Obi-Wan shakes his head slightly and clears his throat.

“I apologize, I should not have made that so personal. My point, however, is that they are scared now and they are mad now, and they will not have the life they thought they would. But they will not be alone to work through that disappointment. How could you think you and your men are better equipped to dealing with these younglings’ needs than a community of fully trained people who have been in their position before?”

Anakin scowls, but there’s a high piercing sob from behind him that has him turning around in worry. Kix rushes over to the youngling, but he can’t help them. He’s not Force-sensitive, let alone trained in the Force. Obi-Wan’s right. Force, he hates it when that happens.

“Alright, master,” Anakin says when he looks back at Obi-Wan. “I’m sure you’re on our tail already, so we’ll turn around and meet you halfway.”

“Thank you, Anakin.” Obi-Wan tells him quietly. “And…Padawan, I know your heart was in a good place but…oh, we’ll talk much more about this later.”

“Yes, Master.”

“And Padawan? Perhaps no more tea with the Chancellor for a while.”

“…yes, Master.”

[bigskydreaming]

I don’t often muse upon PJO, but when I do, its random as hell. 

Anyway, tonight’s thought (singular, also: derogatory, as in very possibly a mistake) is about exploring aspects of the Greek gods that are extrapolations of like, what they’d be like in the modern world instead of just in terms of their ancient myths.....and how that might widen the scope of their demigod children and their powers.

Like take Hephaestus for instance. God of the forge and fire, of invention and artifice......now widen the scope on those things through the lens of the modern age.....might he also be considered the god of modern science, not just in terms of things like engineering and technology, but also physics, chemistry? Or would those things fall more under Athena’s purview......unless you separated them into finer divisions. Like, you could consider Athena’s overview of knowledge and wisdom to make her the goddess of science and higher learning or whatever in general........OR you could separate it like.....Hephaestus is the god of natural or physical sciences like physics and chemistry, and Athena is the goddess of not just wisdom and tactics but things like psychology, computer sciences, etc.

Or OR get Dionysus up in there too, and make it like Hephaestus is the god of chemistry, of chemical reactions and the like, Athena is the goddess of physics, of the most full and complete understanding of the physical universe via things like the unified field theory and its comprising forces of electromagnetism, strong and weak nuclear force, etc, and then Dionysus the god of biology, hmmmm.....

Cuz imagine then, demigod children of Hephaestus, where instead of pyrokinesis, some get powers like transmuting elements.......oh man, the things you could do with that??? Not just lead into gold but they’d be terrors in battle because they could transmute the very air someone breathes into chlorine gas, blood into acid, flesh into stone. Or using that power defensively, making them able to keep guns from firing by dampening the chemical reaction that comes from igniting gunpowder, or just knocking someone out or putting them to sleep by just tanking their metabolic reactions. Mingling magic with modern know-how and creating their own version of truth serums by turning the water someone drinks into something akin to sodium pentathol when just brushing their fingers against someone’s glass, or rendering all drugs or toxins that might have been slipped into their drink null and void by transmuting them into harmless H20. 

(I know that Luke was mentioned briefly as being good at making potions aka alchemy due to being a son of Hermes, but frankly, transmutation as a mastery of the periodic table makes waaaaay more sense for Hephaestus’ kids, I’m just saying. And plus the Greeks didn’t so much consider Hermes an actual god of alchemy as they more just kinda viewed him as their god of all things miscellaneous and tended to lump anything they didn’t have particularly strong feelings about and/or a grasp of under his umbrella. Hermes was really just the patron god of being random as fuck and oh great gods of Olympus I have no idea what I want to do with my life, give me a sign. Hermes: poofs into existence on their shoulder and says SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO GO BE GAY AND DO CRIME YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, DIVINE MANDATE, LETS GOOOOOOO).

Give children of Athena more practical applications for being heirs to her wisdom, knowledge and strategic acumen by also giving her dominion in the modern age over humanity’s quest to better understand the universe we live in and all its rules, the ins and outs of the laws that govern reality itself.......thus Annabeth and others’ potential acumen for magic being here not the end result of them stepping on Hecate and her kids’ toes, but rather more a function of making them the embodiment of ‘magic is just sufficiently advanced technology’ as they - via an innate and heightened understanding of the very nature of the physical universe - find holes in the fabric of space and time that let them slip from Point A to Point B as easily as crossing the street, play tricks with gravity and relativity and things that leave others baffled and amazed and them just shrugging and being like its all in the wrist, dude, and also, the fact that our mom just GETS reality in a way that everyone else will still be playing catch-up to a thousand years from now.

Children of Dionysus (yes I know he barely has any shhh we’re not paying attention to the series we’re just musing on demigod powers here) who combine the godhood of grapes and revelry with loud music and laughter......the way music can help with plant growth, because music is essentially just VIBRATIONS and vibrations stimulate activity in plant cells in a variety of ways.....and thus similar to Mr. D’s tricks with controlling vines and rapidly growing plants, AND his ability to affect the psyches of others, which is described as inflicting or curing madness and I’m like ehhhh do we have to describe it thus though.....put all that in a pot, shake it, not stir, and abrakadabra, alakazam, other psychic pokemon random Psyduck shout-out and voila! ALL of that could be afixed to and made the end product of godly and demigodly control and manipulation of vibrations, cuz Dionysus is literally the god of just vibing in all its infinite forms.....and thus its all just about how vibrations affect plant life on a cellular level, how they can affect brain chemistry in a variety of ways, triggering a lot of the more primal centers/functions of the brain, etc. You kids are driving me crazy, he’d yell at his demigod kids, and they’re like umm wow, like ACK CHOO UGHLY, father, welcome to the 21st century, all we’re really doing is directly stimulating the prefrontal cortex of your cerebellum with our banging rock music, and its making you angy, what about it?

And speaking of actually, if we and by we I mean me cuz I am and its wheee, are theorizing about Athena’s brood getting to be all magical wunderkind whizkids with their scientific acumen and divine cheat-sheets for the physical universe, maybe Aphrodite and her kids could snatch up those psychology and psychiatry job titles instead. Love, desire, also things like obsession, hyper-fixation......is Cabin Mighty Aphrodite really just pheromone central or are its campers more like magical dopamine and serotonin factories just pumping out good vibes all around them, being like come hang out, its free brain juice. Like, imagine kids of Aphrodite who just by their mere presence could help the legions of ADHD demigods focus better, concentrate easier, get shit done because the goddess of passion and her children like....have the gift of helping people to more productively pursue their passions in ALL forms, not just the physical desires they hold for others but the passions they hold for arts and crafts and sports and y’know, saving the world on magical coming-of-age quests when their milkshakes bring all the monsters to the yard. 

And then Ares not just as a god of war and conflict, but of entropy....the tendency of the universe to trend towards disorder, randomness, uncertainty....the kind of things that so often incite or enflame conflict......but applied at large not just to interpersonal dynamics but to the world itself. With his children possessing demigod abilities that disrupt or weaken bonds, both in the form of emotional ties between allies and commitments towards various ideals or courses of action, but also the ability to PHYSICALLY weaken bonds, resulting in an enemy’s weapon falling apart at a touch, or increasing the instability or volatility of an object so it blows up akin to how Gambit of the X-Men’s powers work and can turn even playing cards into a weapon, etc, etc.

And don’t even get me started on Hermes! No, seriously, don’t. Mostly because I haven’t thought that one through yet and I got nothing. I mean I got some things but they are nebulous and have yet to spring forth fully formed from my head like Athena from the fuckhead of Zeus, that absolute fuckhead of legend and yore. In my defense though, I haven’t like, eaten any primordial goddesses of thought and memory, so.......like, idk, I’m taking the longer route here I guess.

[mxdotombra]

Bloom! So I am indeed rewriting season 1 and honestly Bloom is one of the more changed aspects so to suit her I changed her style! This is not set in stone at all, well her fairy form at least.

More notes on outfits and how I’m portraying her under the cut! 

Bloom is a very flat character to me, or season 1 really. While yes she is a good character, she seems to respond to situations weirdly to me, her whole returning home and just abandoning school comes out of nowhere to me and I literally had to read about her tendency to run away from the wiki. As well, hobbies are mentioned in ep 1 and a little in ep 2 and completely abandoned! Like?? My rewrite is sticking to the plot, so I changed her to make it make more sense.

Bloom is incredibly family oriented, its her everything, especially in a town that slowly began to turn against her for how strange she seemed to become over the years. She’s anxious but curious, willing to face the world yet is seated deep in a pit of fear and only willing to open up to those she trusts. Even than, she is compassionate and protective of her friends, and can grow angry and emotional when those she cares for is threatened. She’s also incredibly stubborn to a fault, strong willed and willingly to get angry if she trully thinks its whats best for her family, friends, or herself though is often strangely a mediator between friends. She’s a fish out of water and afraid of the world of fairies, largely due to her obsession with traditional folklore and belief of them being like traditional fae, and as well, she’s afraid of herself. 

Still, she’s an artist true and true and adores her strange little friend who looks like a rabbit but acts to smart to really be one. She once preferred to spend her time in the woods drawing where the people of her town who hated her wouldn’t find her, yet now she just adores being with her friends, who, while she is deathly homesick, become her home away from home.

Bloom is based in issues of identity and family connections.

ALRIGHT SO AS A NOTE: Bloom is a bit tanner because she spends more time outside in my Fanon! She also has a bunch of freckles because of this! Also she has lizard eyes, and I’m not going into detail with this cause spoilers for ch. 1 lol though its not big. Her hair is still long and that red thats so shocking into almost impossible, I like to think it moves like fire in the sun. She’s also got sharp teeth! She isn’t very used to them and bites her tongue a lot and its just generally annoying in general. I think this is also pretty obvious, but I have a big issue with the original body types of the characters/how they’re drawn. Now, I won’t go into it today (I may one day because reasons), so I’ll go into the reason for her specific type? I like to think fairies are generally lighter in order to keep airborne and have less strain on magic, BUT I also think that their kind of magical attacks can affect their body type. Bloom is large shocks of power and getting away. She also draws a lot, bikes, helps in her mom’s shop so she is also active but apparently she also really likes baking? So idk. She needs to get hit a lot but I also wanted to display that and her having a softer frame, obviously having meat on her bones, especially one who isn’t acrobatic or working out constantly. I hope that makes sense?

Her outfits reflect her past really, she isn’t the richest of families so her clothes are supposed to be interchangeable yet still comfortable. She just likes feeling safe. 

Outfit 1 is what I wanted for ep 1 really, the sweater is handmade from her grandmother and yes she wears it in the summer. The little hair pin I like to think is from Stella who decided it matched Bloom’s eyes. Mainly I like Bloom wearing pants because she literally bikes everywhere in my fanon and chases Kiko in the woods. 

Outfit 2 is just what I wanted for fun! Her favorite colors are white, blue, and pink and gosh dangit she can wear her favorite colors! The locket (not that you can see it lol) says Daphne as a small nod and honestly I just like baggy shirts.

Fairy Form? I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with this. I wanted a more armored princess effect with shorts because. She. Is. In. The. Air! Gosh dangit! She also has scales (thanks fuz!) because dragon motif, they offer armored resistance because she hits hard and takes hard hits, she’s a tank basically. I wanted to keep a few key points, the jem on the chest, the crown (symbolism lol), and arm pieces, but I altered them a bit and darkened the colors because it looked weird originally on my design. Her wings are meant to mimic the bones ones of dragons and I like to think they’re stronger than an average fairies but she can’t fly as quick with them. She gains a bit more gold in her eyes. 

A few fun facts?:

-She runs at a hotter temperature and isnt affected by hot temperatures, as well cold doesn’t bother her as bad. 

-She can’t see auras but she is an empath. 

-She’s bisexual in this, because my friend likes the alliteration of Bisexual Bloom.

-She has a few hobbies! Drawing and reading mainly though appreciates baking.

-She likes the little magic creatures around Alfea that are more like the traditional folklore, even if they are a bit more cutesy and strange. She’s friends with the brownies and little sprites and such!

-She and Sky would break up Season 2 fight me. They also wouldn’t bond with pixies because I hate them with a passion.

- A lot of her clothes have burns on them and she refuses to let anyone magically repair them, especially her favorite sweater which she’s waiting to get her grandma to get.

Oh and you should know in my rewrite she somehow becomes really attached to Tecna? Like they bond a lot? And I’m so down because its Stella, Bloom, and Tecna and its an odd dynamic but I adore it. 

[krastbannert]

Okay but now I gotta ask about the three Aang rare pairs you mentioned! Azulaang, Yuaang and Taang. (I’m not sure if Taang is a rare pair since it’s been a growing fandom but still)

Unlike your last ask, I do ship all 3 of these! Although you probably...figured that out already from my...last ask...yeah, I’ll shut up now.

Azulaang

1. I don’t really remember, exactly? I think the first piece of content I saw was this soulmark-AU fic - I think it might just be called ‘Blue’ but I can’t recall - where Azula has Aang’s arrows as soulmarks, and I haven’t read it, but the idea alone really intrigued me, and it still does. I’m fascinated by the dynamic they could have, and the potential for them both to grow and change.

2. Honestly, my favorite part of this ship is probably what turns most people off from it: their personality clash. They are complete, polar opposites in almost every way, but if they could overcome their past issues (fighting several times, Azula literally killing Aang, Azula’s actions in the comics, and so on), I get the feeling they would have a really strong bond.

3. I’m not sure if this counts as unpopular or not, but I really hate it when people use this ship as a prop-up for Azula’s redemption. I hate it when it happens with Tyzula, too. Yes, Azula absolutely needs people to support her through her redemption arc, and  Aang would be 100% in support of her every step of the way because he’s just Aang, but sticking her in a romantic relationship with him (or with anyone, really) as a major segway/prop up for redemption just...it doesn’t sit right with me.

Yuaang

1. It was a Tumblr ask, I think? Or a Tumblr post? I remember @ljf613 being involved with it, and I think you, too (one of you feel free to correct me if I’m wrong), but even though it was only like...maybe a week or two ago my memory is super fuzzy on the whole thing. Regardless of who was involved, I know it was something I saw here on Tumblr.

2. I remember that ask/post bringing up the idea of the Avatar being in love with a spirit, and honestly I think that’s just something that is...it’s super interesting, to me, and really kind of beautiful. I haven’t had a chance to really look into any content for this ship since finals are in three weeks and I’ve been a bit distracted beginning to prep for those. But, anyways, the idea of the Avatar being in love with a Spirit that just feels so incredibly right.

3. This ship seems super small? So I don’t know that if it’s possible or not. And like I said, I haven’t had a chance to really dig into content yet.

Taang

1. You know exactly how I got into this ship: you and @mycomfortblanket are entirely to blame. I still hate you both for it. But for real, it was comfy’s story ‘You’re Not Dating?’ that really dragged me in. Then you guys came up with Taangst Week, and I had already been thinking about trying my hand at writing Taang, so doing Taangst Week made sense. Then I read your fic ‘Happily Ever After?’ and yeah. Here we are. And now I’m aiming specifically to break you and comfy (and well anyone else who reads them) during Taangst Week. Because fuck it, I might as well go all out.

2. Just like with Toko, the potential of the banter is something I am absolutely in love with. Every time I read these two together, I end up laughing at something because they’re just hilarious. And, I also love the idea that Aang can help Toph be more comfortable opening up and being more affectionate. She’d obviously stay her crass gremlin self, but I feel like Aang could and would help her be more open with her emotions. And vice versa, I feel like Toph could help Aang get more in touch with his more stubborn, more crass wild side, which I feel like would be a lot of fun.

3. I...really don’t have many fully-formed opinions, yet? I like just got on board this ship, and I only talk to like 2 people who write it (you and comfy) so I don’t really know what the popular opinions are for it.