#yes the process of drawing this included dramatically singing it

[bellia-25]

Another Trust Life comic/doodle based on a conversation in the server about "I won't say I'm in love" from Hercules. The idea would not leave my head. I had to draw it.

[eremiie]

Hiya! I saw that you followed me so I wanted to be nice and send a lovely request :>

I am sending this for Eren since we have good taste 😌 and so here’s your prompt—

Prompt; Reader is wearing baggy clothes (just cause that’s my thing, you don’t have to include it if you don’t want to) while blasting music and dancing; just having a fun time, not paying mind to the fact Eren is watching everything, occasionally recording and taking pictures, that is until he gets caught by the reader and attempts to share those visuals. It’s preferably fluffy, but I don’t mind having some or twist. Run wild!😉

delete it!;

❥ eren x reader | 1.3k words | fluff

❥ thank you so much for being nice & sending in a request i appreciate you sm!! & yes we both do have some immaculate taste i see😏. i also love baggy clothes so i love that we are alike in that aspect hehe i hope you enjoy🤲.

❥ in which eren jaeger is a sneaky thing, and takes pictures of you while you dance your heart out.

“i’m going back to 505!” you were prancing around your bedroom listening to your playlist for the first time in a while. it had been so long since you last listened to your favorite tunes and it was a shame since the last time you clicked on your spotify you added a lot of new songs to your playlist and then blatantly abandoned it for a few weeks.

eren had took you thrifting earlier and here you were, trying on some of the clothes for the umpteenth time making sure everything was to your liking and deciphering if you had to tailor anything or if you could revamp some of the shirts and jeans you bought. he rested on your bed scrolling through his phone, throwing you quick glances as you danced a little bit before throwing one of your shirts onto the bed and bending down to pick up another one and putting it on.

“it seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye!” you giggled while you turned around in your full body mirror making sure the current outfit you had on was cute, your jeans were baggy with ripped in the knees, the bottom overlapping your feet in the slightest while your shirt hung loosely around your waists, a graphic design detailing the front. “eren, is this cute?”

he looked your way his eyes lingering for a second too long on your frame. he absolutely adored the way you dressed and thought it was the cutest thing ever, how you dressed so comfortably and made everything look so good. he especially loved when you adorned your body with jewelry, pretty necklaces, rings and bracelets; but one thing he never understood was your infatuation with expensive sneakers. he watched you shake your hips and use your fist as a microphone while singing to yourself in the mirror and voicing the lyrics. he couldn’t help but smile at his girlfriend’s antics and chuckled. “yeah, i told you i like all your outfits.”

eren went to his snapchat on his phone, making sure his ringer was off before pressing down on the white rimmed button down near his home button, recording you singing to yourself in the mirror grinning stupidly at you. when you bent down to pull off the pants you were wearing eren immediately stopped recording, wanting to get more photos and videos of you to embarrass you later first. he saved the video to his snapchat memories.

“okay well i’m gonna put on these sweatpants since we’re not going out again.” you said while standing up to pull the sweats over your legs. “this shirt is cute though so i’m keeping it on.” eren hummed in response, now on his camera to wait until you did something ridiculous to take more photos.

the song switched and your hand slapped over your mouth, smiling underneath it. “eren, baby this is my song!” you bounced on the balls of your feet and went over to grab the hairbrush from your dresser beside your mirror, turning towards eren to give him a show. “eren, watch.” you said, snapping your fingers to draw his attention, little did you know it was already on you the entire time.

you stuck your leg out, stuttering your hip and grinding in mid air with your hands covering your face and eren immediately went to snapchat to begin to record again, you beginning to sing. “you got more than 20-20, babe. made of glass the way you see through me...” you started to laugh at yourself as eren’s smile got bigger and he began to laugh as well. you pointed at the brunette directing the next verses towards him with the brush up to your mouth.

“i wanna love me, the way that you love me! oooh, for all of my pretty, and all of my ugly too,” you stepped towards eren dragging your feet behind you singing dramatically while he snapped more photos of you acting silly, absolutely in awe with you, his girlfriend. “i’d love to see me from your point of view.” and with every word of that line you twisted each leg back and forth with your hands on your hips before busting out into laughter at how stupid you looked, eren joining in again.

“did you like my performance?” you asked him goofily heading over to straddle his legs on the bed.

“the song isn’t over, keep going.”

“so you do like it?” you poked at his chest right underneath where his phone was propped up by his arms before smoothing your hands over his shirt in adoration at the man in front of you.

“of course, now keep going!” he insisted and you huffed stretching your arms out.

“i couldn't believe it or see it for myself, boy, i be impatient, but now i’m out here

falling, falling, frozen, slowly, falling got me right,” you pumped your fist with every drag of the last couple words oblivious to the fact that eren was recording you from down below once again until the chorus came back around and you leaned down. “you’re not even paying attention to me you’re staring at your phone!” you whined flipping the device back with your hand and eren grabbed it hastily.

“baby i was paying attention.” it took you a second to process that was you who he was staring at on his phone, as a matter of fact it was a whole video of you singing to him, moving aimlessly sat on top of him, and you began to get flustered.

“eren! was that me on the phone? were you recording me? oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing, delete it!” you groaned reaching for his phone while he laughed at your despair.

“noo, you looked so cute and good and pretty.” he continued adding on words to butter you up, he didn’t want to delete the photos.

“eren!” your tone came out whiny. he grabbed your wrists and pulled you forward against his chest wrapping a secure arm around you and trapping your arms on either side of him so it would be hard for you to reach up and grab his phone which he kept at a distance.

“______, just look,” he went to his camera roll and went to the first photo he took of you and you narrowed your eyes, realizing it was when you had the jeans on and we’re dancing in the front of your mirror. he then swiped and the next one was you turned towards him with the same jeans on, the photo slightly blurry but you seemed to be about to sit on the floor.

“eren, this is embarassing, oh my gosh stop.” you were restrained from reaching for his phone and pouted against his chest, your cheek smushed.

“no it’s not. you’re so gorgeous baby, look,” you looked up at the phone again and he was now on snapchat, attempting to show you videos of you dancing without a care in the world, you using your hand as a microphone.

“i bet you’re gonna post these on my birthday, you’re so annoying.”

eren kissed your forehead and rubbed your shoulder with the arm wrapped around you. “i could post them now if you want.”

your body tensed up and you began flailing in eren’s arms causing more laughter to leave his throat. “eren stop! give me your phone!”

he flipped the two of you over so he was now on top of you, cooing you with soft ‘shh’s. “i’m just kidding, i’m just kidding.” you pouted again, but you were secretly relishing in the feeling of your sweet boyfriend on top of you, basking in his warmth as he closed his eyes. “just cuddle with me for a little bit babe.”

another huff of annoyance came from you, but you secretly too didn’t mind cuddling with him; no matter how many embarrassing photos or videos he had of you, and no matter how annoying he was.

[sinnabee]

Tell me more about ur self insert? (not forced)

oooh don’t really know what to say? she’s pretty much just me lol! sinna in a mask but the mask also looks like sinna. idealized sinna? the me i want to BE (and tho i draw her thinner than i actually am, i could take or leave that bit - i like how she looks when i draw her this way but also i’m comfortable with how i am irl so it’s ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

details under the cut to avoid another super long text post lol

mmm sheeeee is a bit of a gremlin. likes to gently poke fun at people and act VERY put upon and innocent if they try and poke back at her. (dramatic bitch syndrome)

a bit of a goofball and much more prone to give into her childish instincts - less worried about what the people around her are gonna think and more concerned with having fun (as long as it is, at the end of the day, harmless)

favorite hobbies include:

- singing at the top of her lungs with friends in car rides

- doodling on any available surface (including her hands, sometimes especially her hands)

- spontaneous out-of-the-blue plans, like sudden decisions to go on a weekend road trip or go ice skating (read: she’s not good at ice skating lol)

- cuddling with friends on the couch and making gay jokes as often as possible. also platonic hand holding because fuck yeah that’s the good shit (good shit)

- making people laugh by Whatever Means Necessary™, even at the cost of her own dignity

- Specifically The Act Of Shoving Her Hands Into A Pumpkin And Pulling Out The Guts (also you know like, actually carving the pumpkin but holy fuck the whole process is so fun)

- making Official Looking Documents for stupid things and useful things both (i.e. a detailed step by step guide and it is color coded but it’s for like. how to find a Mans™ or How To Levitate Rocks™ (the answer is throw them))

- organizing things that would be fine left alone to avoid doing tasks she ACTUALLY needs to get done (incredibly well organized word documents my beloved)

- yes art and writing and reading obvs, but she’s a lot more consistent with it lol

Other Random or Weird Things She Has/Does

that bitch has heterochromia (as do i!) but hers is MUCH more obvious than mine is - my eyes are, yes, different, but HERS are less “oh wow yeah one IS more green than the other, the other is kinda hazel?” and more “one is is STRAIGHT UP brown and the other is STRAIGHT UP green holy fuck”

hair is FLUFFY. a little curly. it has FLOOF (this is essential, critical even)

obsessed with first aid kits, and better at bringing that dream into reality than i am. she has one in the trunk of her car that she keeps stocked and updates regularly, and one in the house. as well as some small ones in whichever bag she is currently using, her nightstand, and her glove box. (i have the small ones irl but not a big one - and these small ones are like, fr fr the size of a pencil pouch /sobs)

this bitch CLUMSY. she trips and stumbles and bangs into things constantly and is always getting little bruises or booboos because of it (and they have to be called booboos that’s what they ARE. that’s the OFFICIAL terminology. i work in a hospital trust me on this) she also delights and having (fun!!! cool!!!!) bandaids and what amounts to a small pharmacy’s worth of medicine on hand at all times

she will pull out a small black notebook and take notes on what people are saying in a heartbeat. sometimes she warns them sometimes she doesn’t. but if it doesn’t get written down it is NOT going to stay in her brain. for similar reasons the walls of her bedroom are covered in sticky notes (secured by cute washi tape)

alright, that’s a pretty wide assortment of random info (guess what’s true and what’s not lol) for you anon! thanks for the ask, i’m always touched/delighted when y’all are curious about me or my characters!!! 🥺🥺🥺🧡

[sinkix]

~ Haikyuu!! Boys baking with reader - Ft. Ushijima, Tendou, Oikawa, Hinata & Nishinoya ~

YO! SO UHHHH... I’M BACK??? I GUESS?? MAYBE??? After a little break I had this in my drafts for a while and realllyyy wanted to complete it since it’s such a cute concept. Honestly at this point my posting frequencies are so sporadic and random pls forgive me lmao.

@deathcab4daddy​ gave me the inspo to include Ushi and it was so funny coming up with ideas for him, he is no.1 country boi chef 

Dude I’m listening to the Mario Kart soundtrack ‘Coconut Mall’ while I continue writing this someone save me. Like u think I’m joking. UR WRONG.

Ushijima:

The most straightforward yet idiotic baker you will ever come across.

Before you even THINK about performing step 1, he will read the entire fucking leaflet like it’s a Shakesperean monologue.

INGREDIENTS INCLUDED.

LIKE SIS I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW IT CONTAINS  MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE THANK YOU.

I’m surprised he doesn’t count every single particle in the brownie mix.

You bought him a frilly cupcake-printed apron stating ‘best wife’ not expecting him to actually wear it

But since he’s secretly a big softie and treasures anything you buy he wears it proudly.

His stoic and dignified disposition is a comical contrast to the words printed on the front lmao.

Ushi best wifey bro.

The tight fit of the apron is pretty hot since it outlines every ridge of his pecs and tightly toned torso.

Gotta resist groping your mans while stirring the brownie batter.

tbh he’s more likely to grope you, he can’t resist that a$$.

And let’s face it he’s def an ass/thigh kinda guy.

Can and will try to casually initiate some form of unholy activities by lifting you up onto the kitchen counter, goading you to slowly lick the spoon and locking gazes before pulling you in for a deep, open-mouthed kiss to get a taste of the incomplete creation himself.

Ushi’s lips and brownie batter are a knock-out combo js.

Literally has the most serious face when he’s cracking the eggs into the bowl

The amount of concentration is equivalent to that of when he’s performing a serve at match-point.

HAS to set the temperature to the EXACT degree stated on the box

Everything is done by the book if you do one thing out of place he will pull you up on it lol.

“(Y/N) you were supposed to stir it for 5 minutes, not 7.”

When its done you feed him some and he can’t help but smile its so ADORBALE AHHH.

You end up eating most of it since Ushi doesn’t strike me as much of a chocolate/junk food lover.

STILL A VERY FUN BUT F R U S T R A T I N G EXPERIENCE.

Tendou:

The complete opposite of Ushi

Does everything wrong and the unconventional way.

Absolute disaster but doesn’t even sweat it since Tendou basically thrives in chaos and the disorderly.

To him instructions are purely equivocal, will read them for five seconds then toss them away.

Step aside Gordon Ramsey, Chef Tendou is here.

Despite doing everything the unorthodox way it still comes out amazing.

Like??? how???

Will cheekily place a dollop batter on your nose then lick it off fh3jkeffefds

Or if he’s feelin’ a lil freaky, he’ll swipe it off with his long ass finger and make you suck it clean, smirking at your submission as you coat his finger with your saliva.

oop-

Constantly cracking jokes and shitty food puns, pretending to drop the bowl to make you go into preemptive cardiac arrest before you can swat him with the spatula.

While you’re waiting for the timer to ping, Satori being the schemer he is will use this as an opportunity to pull some fuckery and tease you in any way he can.

u better be praying like bodhisattva TanaNoya rn because he is MERCILESS.

Suggestive comments, the brush of his fingers against your thigh, it’ll leave you A C H I N G in frustration by the end of it.

Unholy activities aside, once your baking session is completed you finish it off by feeding PHAT forkfuls of brownie to each other and giggling like dorks when it gets all over your mouth.

The jackass actually got a fingerful and SMEARED it over your cheek and forehead, drawing a little cross and snickering when the crumbs fall onto your nose.

Tendou was smart to draw a cross bc he gonna need jesus with the ATTACK you launch on him after that, which promptly leads to an all out food war in your kitchen that neither of you want to clean up after ward.

Don’t worry though it’s Tendou, he’ll somehow find a way to make such a mundane activity fun.

Nishinoya:

stirs WAY TOO VIOLENTLY

IT’S LIKE AN ELECTRIC WHISK ON OVERDRIVE.

IT WILL SPLATTER OVER THE COUNTER, CUPBOARDS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR WITHIN A 1 MILE RADIUS.

You best believe he will try and eat some of the batter and you have to swat the spoon away from his mouth since he has NO REGARD FOR THE FACT HE COULD GET SALMONELLA.

Plus you know what Noya’s like once he starts eating something the whole thing will be gone in a matter of milliseconds.

He somehow managed to get Baking powder EVERYWHERE and even gave him self a little moustache with it.

The white substance kinda looked like something else but you didn’t really wanna say lmaooo.

could explain why he has so much energy all the time oK ILL STOP-

While you’re putting the mix on the tray he is SO extra and will do fancy lil swirls and over extend his arm like a swan to gracefully spread the batter

until he nearly fucking knocks it over.

During processing time since he is so excitable and impatient you best believe he’s gonna suggest a game of ping pong or something because my guy can well and truly never sit still.

ping pong match with the spatulas, kitchen island and a hard boiled egg.

Pls be careful he will rolling thunder that egg and pimp slap it so hard with the spatula it’ll damn near give you a concussion, not intentionally, but like protect your noggin. Wear a helmet.

For the remaining 5 minutes of baking time y’all just sit like kids in front of the oven and watching it rise like starved hyena’s observing it’s pray before demolishing it into sad particles of cocoa.

And lemme tell u, once the timer pings, that baking tray is free real estate for Noya. Half of your creation will be devoured before you can even put it on a plate and marvel at your handiwork. 

He kicked your ass at spatula ping pong btw I’m sorry sweaty but short kings stay winning.

Oikawa:

Such a dramatic bitch like he got the whole she-bang going on.

Strapped with a pink apron, a whisk at his side and standing proudly with both hands on his hips.He is prepared like a greek gladiator going into battle.

You better believe he gonna make some snarky remarks and tease your method of doing things. 

“Ah-ah-ahhh (Y/N)-chan you’re doing it all wrong, let me show you how a PRO does it.”

Proceeds to drop entire bowl on his foot and yelp like a little girl in pain.

Well and truly embarrassed with himself, you put a band-aid on his toe and he piped down after that.

Shattered big toe and mixing bowl aside, actually a really good baker??

He is a PRO at decorating, y’all decided on cupcakes since its literally his forte to make them look aesthetic and pretty.

You almost don’t wanna eat them from how good they look.

jk almost

You take it in turns breaking bits off and placing pieces into each others mouth with a loud “aaaaaahhh!”

Places a piece in your mouth, leans forward and locks lips with you in a soft, passionate kiss before pulling away and uttering the words “It tastes even better coming from your mouth ;)”

hnnnNNGGGGGGggGg.

You both whine and bicker over who cleans up after.

“You cleaaannnnn!”

“no Toru YOU clean!”

“but I made the cupcakes look pretty :(”

“not as pretty as you <3″

He did the cleaning after that.

Like just stroke his ego with some compliments and he’s whipped with a smug grin on his face for the next 30 minutes.

You decide to save the rest and bring them to his next practise.

Literally on the verge of tears when he sees you beaming and holding the platter of treats, Kiyotani mauls half of them in a matter of seconds to which Oiks gets salty over LMAO.

Hinata:

So excited oh my god he’s so precious please protect him I will CRY-

Has a little sunflower apron on and JBJKNDDDKDW IM SMILING JUST IMAGINING HIM FIDGETING IN EXCITEMENT OVER THE THOUGHT OF BAKING COOKIES.

Yes you decided on cookies bc he goes rabid for some choc chip biccies.

You have to guide him v carefully because of how easily confused and clumsy he is.

Cannot for the life of him crack the eggs without getting a quarter of the shell in the bowl so you have to do it instead.

Has a surprising amount of strength and forearm power bc holy shit boy can stir FAST.

Hums a little tune while he does it and bobs up and down with a wide grin on his face it’s so adorable, he has such a gentle singing voice I can’t-

Attempts different shapes with the batter when pouring it onto the tray but fails pretty miserably lol.

he tried ok???

Once they’re done he takes the tray out of the oven and since it was heavy, subconsciously propped it with his knee and nearly dropped the entire tray from the pain. (I’ve actually done this before when making chicken nuggets I do not advise being that brain dead)

Had to put some burn cream on the bbies knee :’((

When you decided to dig in, he handed you a cookie that looked like a crooked circle and said he tried to make that one a heart and insisted he feed it to you.

Blushed VERY hard at the moment of silence and intense eye contact while he fed it to you.

Nearly short circuited when his fingers brushed against your lips.

Moe moe x100000000000000000000000000000

You offer to do the cleaning after because he hurt himself and you didn’t wanna make him do any work, but he still offered to wipe the surfaces for you bc he’s an angel <333

literally just wanna marry him.

[gaybarbiegirl]

00s Barbie rewatch - Rapunzel (2002)

Is it bad that I always found this movie kinda boring?

That opening sequence, though

Going inside the pencil sharpener in first person, amazing

Storyteller Barbie, my beloved

THE LITTLE PENELOPE PAINTING IN THE BACKGROUND 🥺❤

Ok, I think its kind of iconic that Barbie made "Rapunzel loves painting" so ingrained into Rapunzel canon that all other mainstream adaptations of this fairytale since have decided to keep that in

Like, that was NOT a thing in the original fairytale, the thing Rapunzel loved/was super talented at was singing. Barbie really changed the public perception of a story that already existed for hundreds of years. Amazing

Why does Rapunzel have super long hair in this version of the story? She doesn't live in a tower, she lives in a castle, and Gothel just walks in through the front door every day. What was the point of the hair?

Listen. Listen. I can take a lot when it comes to gay coded villains. But you gotta draw the line somewhere. And a gay coded horny evil ferret crosses that line

Penelope is baby

How did no one ever find that passage before? Rapunzel presumably cleans this room regularly, how did she never touch that statue? If a spoon was heavy enough to open it, I'm sure her hand would be too

Penelope's relationship with her dad is the plotline I care about the most in this movie

"Does he ever smile?" "Not around me..." 💔

Rescuing that little girl was the PERFECT opportunity to have Rapunzel use her hair, are you kidding me?

Rapunzel's dad really was ordering traps to murder children... Yikes

The amount of times I'm forced to hear a ferret moan in this movie is criminal

Barbie really had the best lullabies, though. I 100% plan on singing constant as the stars above to my future nieces and nephews

THE MAGIC PAINTBRUSH!!!

BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, ICONIC

How are these two in love already? They literally know nothing about each other

I know this is a fairytale, but still, in most Barbie movies we actually get to see a bit of the process of the characters falling in love, or at the very least we get a reason as to why they're into each other. In this movie these two just like each other overnight for no good reason

Ok but why is her hair long? There's genuinely no reason

The name's Penelope, bucko 😡

NOOOO I can't believe I was subjected to this again

THE MAGICAL DRESS SCENE ❤

Ok, we all know this scene is beautiful and magical, but does anyone else think that all of these dresses were kind of ugly? Like, including the final one?

I feel like that haircut could have been more dramatic

Stefan, my man, you just saw her face. That is very clearly not Rapunzel, why are you still following her?

YES PENELOPE IS THE MIGHTIEST DRAGON

I don't care, Penelope is the real protagonist of this movie

Wow, Gothel has really bad aim. How has she been missing Stefan for this whole time?

Here comes Rapunzel's dad's murder army to kill a bunch of civillians

Why is Gothel confessing like this?

How long has Rapunzel been standing there to understand the whole context of the fight + Gothel's backstory?

Rapunzel's murder dad can fuck right off with his half assed apology

Honestly, why did Stefan's dad forgive Rapunzel's dad? He very much attacked his kingdom unprovoked and tried to kill civillians, even if it was because of a misunderstanding

That ending with Kelly is really cute

Final thoughts:

I'm gonna be honest, I'm actually surprised with how much fun I had with this one. For pretty much my whole life, Rapunzel has been my least favorite out of the original 3 Barbie movies, but I'd say I enjoyed this rewatch even more than I enjoyed rewatching The Nutcracker. Actually, I think I enjoyed it more than any other viewing of this movie I ever did before.

I think the main issues I have with this movie are that I always thought Rapunzel and Stefan were pretty boring characters, so it's hard for me to root for them, and also that the movie has a lot of plot holes, like, way more than in your usual Barbie movie. And while I still agree with all of that, I think typing out my frustrations here instead of bottling them up for the whole movie helped me not get too stuck on them and enjoy the good parts of the movie more. Because don't get me wrong, even if this movie has some flaws, it still has a lot of goods parts. I love Penelope with my whole heart, love the magic paintbrush, really like the soundtrack, really like the 'listen to your dreams' message, etc. Rewatching this was a great time, and I love that all these years later, my opinions about the Barbie movies are still changing and evolving.

[falkenscreen]

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

There’s bad, there’s good, and there’s Eurovision.

The European ‘Song’ Contest, to which this film for many will serve as introduction, neither sits at any apex of cultural achievement nor the ironic bulwarks of saccharine kitsch to which many entrants aspire. Rather, amidst its longevity and oddly unique role in cross-border co-operation, the competition, to which Australia is specially beholden, marks its own measures of success and brands of cultural height.

Tied not necessarily to any independent form, skill or recognisable ingenuity, appeal relies on brazenness, melding of styles and a nakedly single-minded, utterly shameless pursuit of shock-filled fun. To this end, it’s amazing Will Ferrell and Adam McKay haven’t mined these depths already.  

Reportedly a huge fan of the show, Ferrell, committing as always, is regretfully on auto-pilot for whole lengths, drawing on the manner and storylines of his underrated Blades of Glory and early success Zoolander as regards the relationship between his Lars and the characters’ “extremely handsome father;” Pierce Brosnan having some fun with comedy for change.

The story is of the broadest if heart-warmingly familial strokes elevated by its novel focus on the tournament; anyone who’s seen more than one Ferrell comedy (Old School fans should recognise one of the gags) will be across these stylings; complete with a Blades-esque MacGuffin in the form of an unreachable note. We’re all familiar with the follow your dreams against all opposition arc and even if it can get tired it doesn’t get old.

With Ferrell persistently glaring at the camera ala his Mustafa and reminding everyone that he’s here to make them laugh, McAdams, unsurprisingly, is best in show. Her reactions to a pro forma troupe of yet unseen backup dancers invading her solo and her negotiations with a group of elves, yes elves; pure gold. Viewers seem to be constantly finding out that the severely underappreciated comic performer can put in turn after turn like this and unlike Ferrell nails the balance of earnestness, knowing self-seriousness and tactless flamboyance central to Eurovision’s greatest hits.

There’s a caveat that has to be given before anyone watches this movie and that is you are only going to enjoy this if you are moderately familiar with and endeared by Eurovision. The film does not serve as a primer for the uninitiated absent proper grounding in the dynamics of the competition and those unbeholden to its unique stylings will likely feel as unimpressed by Ferrell’s tonally similar antics.

For those most dedicated decades-long Eurovision fans who wake up at 5am every year to watch every Semi-Final live, this author among them, you will get many a high off of this and more so for our having sadly missed the contest in its traditional form this May past. To the filmmakers’ great credit, they picked Iceland as the focus and amidst many playful digs at the nation, the treatment of the Icelandic Government being a highlight, managed to nail the effective winners of this year’s non-tournament.

And it would not be a Eurovision movie without being (in respects) avowedly self-referential, with the film taking some time out of proceedings to address that this is in no small part a group of North Americans behind and in front of the camera. Taking the mickey via another appropriately parodic band of US tourists who have only just landed in town, it’s some of the tightest scripting therein as every line hits the mark. Itself landing on Netflix, Fire Saga is probably best served by a platform where the most well-attuned fans can discover this and return for repeat viewings at their leisure and as they might otherwise have tuned into the annual tradition.  

The varied numbers (and song titles) which form the lead-up to and actual competition are successes not just for their catchiness and necessary originality but for effectively satirising one of the hardest things to mock and exaggerating that which barely bears exaggeration; generating in the process what would typically be Eurovision bangers in any given year. Graciously recognising that Belarus are invariably stand-outs, there’s a classy Lordi reference alongside years-old highlights and fair acknowledgement of the pivotal (if often biased) roles respective countries’ commentators play. The hark-backs  to classic Eurovision numbers will have any fan beaming and the elapsing of the first Semi-Final, encompassing one of the great Eurovision props, is uproarious while speaking to the extremely sincere ethos of the entire escapade.

The blocking of the stage performances, akin to how the broadcasts are typically handled, are too coyly deferential and situate us amongst this extravagance better than a more highly stylised or numerous camera setup which would have likely faltered.

Stars of past, clearly having the time of their lives in this reunion, welcomely make appearances, among them Alexander Rybak (“trust us, bring a violin”), though the best and most welcome surprise comes from a winner of recent years lovingly reciting one of Eurovision’s very best numbers on Edinburgh’s streets.

On this, there are varyingly hilarious interpretations as to why the competition was set in Edinburgh. It could be acknowledging that the British are least likely to win this and if so even less likely to relegate the fanfare to Edinburgh, though with the Russian entrant (Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens) explicitly lampooning the Isles’ standing in the tournament its more likely the filmmakers’ subtle advocacy of the longstanding hope that Scotland will one day get their own highly competitive place.

As to Stevens’ contender, it’s a well-known problem that many of the countries which participate have appalling records on human rights and LGBT welfare. Amidst a more dramatically sensitive reckoning with this matter, his performance, Stevens’ best to date, is outright hilarious as Lemtov lion-tames extremely scantily-clad men about the stage in typical Eurovision fashion.  

Lovingly landing jabs on the annual extravaganza, infamous for its nondescript, heavily generic slogans, the tagline ‘Perfect Harmony’ for the in-film comp shows that we’re dealing with real fans here, as does moreover the exclamation, as to why there are no cars on the road, that everyone’s  “at home, watching Eurovision.” The film too acknowledges the constant push for and joy when singers indeed sing in Indigenous languages or emphatically about wherever they’ve ventured from with several seemingly throwaway gags, including a great one centring on whales, happily coming full circle.

Absent the voting process, this is too a stickler for Eurovision lore and procedure; though Sweden did have seven performers on stage and should have been disqualified.

Finally, there’s an odd tone at the centre of this film which arrests it from the heights of greatness to which Eurovision otherwise transpires. Co-produced by Jon Ola Sand of the European Broadcasting Union who makes an appearance here and in every Eurovision, even if, and it would be fairly speculative and unusual if so, full creative and parodic freedom were permitted alongside the name’s licensing rights and co-operation, a parody, even a loving one, just isn’t the same when the subjects and stalwarts are so in on the joke and stand to so outwardly benefit.

Yes Eurovision relies to some extent on being self-referential ala ‘Love, Love, Peace, Peace’ but it was only one year among many where the hosts winkingly outshone competitors; the platform otherwise persisting on a lifeblood of entrants’ own (and self-professed devotees) earnest if outlandish skewering. Regular commentator Graham Norton’s true to life cameos are notably distinct and illustrative in this regard; his mawkish if impassioned demeanour emblematic of the tone pursued herein, just like a local townsman declaring “we know they’re awful, but they’re our awful!”

It’s why Trey Parker and Matt Stone refused celebrities the opportunity to voice their own marionettes in Team America, and why Zoolander 2 never worked when all the fashion icons wanted to show they could poke fun at themselves as well. Sure it meant a lot of the gags here might not have happened, but if they’d called it almost anything else the same niche audience would have lined up and there’s no way the winners past wouldn’t have joined the festivities for what turned out to be our collective annual dose of insanity.

‘Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga’ is now streaming on Netflix

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

@thecorteztwins 

I wound up writing a little thing based on those panels you showed me of villains “rehabilitating” (but actually being mind-controlled) at Clear Mountain Center in X-Men 92.  This was meant to be a funny story about Fabian in rehab learning how to talk to women, but it got a little disturbing because of the mind-control aspect, and also Avalanche tells a grim little story about baby murder, so warnings for that.  But now I’m really tempted to write something about Haven taking the place over and actually Doing It Right.

“So,” Fabian began, speaking in the halting tones of someone attempting to wrap his mind around a difficult concept. “You’re saying you’re not attracted to me?”

               “Not in the slightest,” said Tabitha Smith, the mutant known as Boomer (and also Time Bomb, Boom-boom, Meltdown, and whatever other code-name caught her fancy).  Her tone was firm, but she smiled at him, as if to soften the blow.  “I mean, you’re obviously good-looking, just not my type.”

               “Oh, of course, you prefer women.  I understand.  I am open-minded about such things –“

               “Nooooo…..” Boomer cut in, with some slight irritation creeping into her voice.  “I’m mostly into guys.  Just different types of guys.”  Fabian thought hard.  He was tempted to spread his legs out wider, to give her a better look at what she was rejecting, but he’d gotten enough tiny power-bombs to the crotch to learn that that was a bad idea.  (The low-powered bombs did no real damage, but they certainly stung.)

               “I get it, I get it.  You are holding yourself back.  You are maintaining a professional relationship because you are my counselor.”

               “No!”  Boomer held her head in her hands for a moment, sighing.  “Look, not every woman will find you attractive, okay?  Everyone has different preferences.  Like, people think Leonard Decaprio is super-hot, and he just doesn’t do anything for me, I’m more of a Brad Pitt girl.  It’s not something you need to feel bad about, it doesn’t mean you’re like, ugly, or anything like that.”

               Fabian’s mind whirled.  This girl was young, beautiful, a powerful mutant, and had showed him such kindness as his mentor.  She had a surprising amount of wisdom underneath her shallow and flippant demeanor.  And yet, her judgement was so unsound. Perhaps she had some kind of psychological condition, like a strange form of face-blindness?  But then, Fabian had been learning to accept many ideas that had previously seemed impossible.  The idea of living with the humans in peace.  The idea of answering hatred with understanding, not violence. The idea that he should treat others with kindness and respect, instead using them as stepping stones in his quest for status and power.

               “Very well,” Fabian began again.  It was difficult to force the words out.  “I…accept that you do not find me attractive.  I….accept that some people…..may….not find me attractive.   After all, there are many different preferences in this world.”

               “Yeah, dude, exactly.  It’s like…some people like Cool Ranch Doritos?  And some people prefer Nacho Cheese.  There’s no right or wrong, except for the people who like Funyuns, because that shit is nasty.”  Fabian wanted to roll at his eyes at her rather low class tastes, but instead he found himself laughing good-naturedly.

               “Ha, ha, yes, that is a funny joke,” he said, beaming.  It was strange.  His mind felt so….slow.  Like there was this weight pressing down in it.  But at the same time, it was oddly pleasant.  A bit like Anne Marie’s more enthusiastic hugs, which always threatened to break the recipient’s back.

               “In Spain we have jamon flavored potato chips.  Perhaps you would find them interesting to try.  I will bring some back the next time I visit home.” He did not add that he had never eaten those chips, they were junk food for peasants, but if this girl found them enjoyable, he would indulge her.  It was a nice thing to do, and he found that he wanted to be nice lately. He didn’t entirely understand why.

               “Oh dude, that would be amazing!”  Boomer exclaimed.  “I love trying junk food from other countries.  There’s so much cool stuff out there.  Did you know that they have, like, a whole ton of Kit-Kat flavors in Japan?”

                I don’t care, Fabian wanted to say.  I spent my time in Japan eating Kobe beef and blue-fin tuna, not wasting my money on cheap candy.

               “No, I didn’t know that,” he said aloud instead.  He hadn’t meant to say that.  He hadn’t intended to sound so interested, but his mouth and brain did not seem properly connected.  The pleasant feeling hung over him, almost suffocating.

               “OMG, there are like, so many!  There’s strawberry, and sweet potato, and soy sauce, and wasabi – which is like, better than you’d expect – and sake, and…”

               Fabian wanted to tell her to stop prattling, but he couldn’t quite find the words.  He looked around the outdoor area while she rambled on.  There was Blob pruning rhododendron bushes with Storm, the blossoms tiny in his huge, clumsy hands.    

          ��    “….and blueberry cheesecake, and apple pie, and brown sugar syrup, and cantaloupe which sounds totally disgusting but apparently it’s pretty good, and…”

               The Kleinstock brothers and Frenzy were tossing a Frisbee around with Feral and Cannonball, while Vertigo and Arclight were playing scrabble with Polaris and Multiple Man.  Ruckus was strumming a guitar, pausing occasionally to sweep his hair back dramatically, and clearly looking around for an audience.  Ugh, he was singing “One Tin Soldier.”  Fabian hated that song.  Fabian hated……a lot of things that were happening at that moment.

               “….and maple, and pumpkin, and chestnut, and green tea, and Tokyo Banana, because apparently that’s a thing, and..”

               He hated listening to this stupid girl spew out every thought in her empty brain.  He hated sitting in group therapy and listening to the peons that he shared the facility with whining about their inconsequential problems.  He hated having to hug people.  He hated being stuck in this adult daycare while he should be leading his Acolytes to victory against humankind (and racking up a few kill points for the Upstarts while he was at it.)  Something in his mind was breaking free.

               “Enough!” he snapped, jumping to his feet.  “This isn’t right!  I shouldn’t be here!”  Boomer paused in her Kit-Kat flavor recital.

               “Whoa, dude.  Chill out. You need a time-out, or something? Maybe you need some time in the Angry Room.”

“No, I do not need some time in the Angry Room,” Fabian snarled.  “I don’t belong here with the  rest of these losers, there’s nothing wrong with me.  I’m….I’m so much better than the rest of you.  I’m practically a god!  I should be….should be –“  His eyebrow twitched.  His body shuddered, and a fixed grin came over his face.

               “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be saying things like that. What am I thinking?  We’re all special in our own way.  I just want us all to be friends,” Fabian continued.  A single tear leaked out of one corner of his eye.

               “Hey, good job, man,” said Boomer, patting him on the shoulder. “You recognized a negative thought pattern, and then, like, stopped it.  That totally deserves a Hershey Kiss.”  She tossed him the silver wrapped chocolate.

               “Thank you.”  Fabian shuddered again, and then his body seemed to relax, his tense smile softening into one that seemed genuine, if a bit dazed.  “I like Hershey Kisses.”

               “Don’t we all, buddy.”

               “They are good,” Fabian continued, pulling the foil off and popping the chocolate in his mouth absent-mindedly.  “This place is a good place.  We are all good here.”

               At the table, another group was mid-way through a fairly intense game of Uno.  Most of the group (X-Men included), would have preferred poker, but apparently that wasn’t wholesome enough the rehabilitation process.

               “I’m just saying, we didn’t start the war.”  Avalanche slapped down a card, perhaps slightly too hard. “Humans want to stomp out anyone who’s different.  That’s the whole damn history of the human race.”

               “But nothing will change if we continue the cycle of violence,” argued Colossus.  

               “We must ‘turn the other cheek,’” agreed Nightcrawler. “Send out a message of peace and love.” He betrayed that sentiment by tossing down a Draw Four card.

               “Yeah, and the guy that did that got nailed to a cross, didn’t he?”  Avalanche retorted.  “Didn’t work out so well for him.”

               “You can’t be expecting us to imitate Christ, can ya?” Pyro put in, throwing a Reverse on the stack.  “He was all flawless and perfect and ‘ineffable,’ right?  And he had a get-out-of-death-free card.  We ain’t got that.”  

               “You could have that, by the Grace of God –“ Nightcrawler began, than stopped, shaking his head.  “I’m sorry, this is not the right place for that conversation.  I know religion is very personal, and everyone must make their own choices.  But I will talk about it with any of you privately, if you want.”

               “All I’m saying is, humans have tried to bloody kill us,” Pyro continued.  “Are we supposed to just lie down and take it?  I’ve had people turn on me, even back before the Brotherhood, before I committed any crimes.  People that I thought I could trust.”  The cards in his hand crumpled as his fist clenched.

               “Humans are fucking brutal.  I’ve seen…..”  Avalanche shook his head.  “There was a woman back on Kalymnos, gave birth to a baby with gills.  Nothing wrong with the kid otherwise, it was just a cute baby.  But people acted like it was the damn anti-Christ.  Her husband moved out and wouldn’t have anything to do with her. And one day….”  A slight tremor rippled across the table as he continued. “One day some guy just snatched the baby out of her arms and threw it down on the rocks.  I’ll never forget how she screamed.  And nothing ever happened to the guy.  He was a murderer, and the police did nothing.  Everyone just pretended that it never happened –“  The table shook visibly now, the vibrations spreading out into the ground around them.

               “Tovarish, please calm down.  I understand how that memory must pain you, but –“    

               The vibrations suddenly stopped.  For a moment, Avalanche looked confused, then a dull smile spread across his face.

               “I’m sorry, friends.  I just get upset sometimes, thinking about that.  I shouldn’t dwell on such horrible memories.”

               “Yes, we should just think about good things,” Pyro agreed, wearing the same sickly smile.  “We are in a good place.  We are all good here.”

               Sitting in the sun on the roof, Toad wrapped his arms around himself, smiling.  He felt….good.  For the first time that he could remember, he was entirely at peace with himself.  He wasn’t plagued with anxiety at every social interaction, waiting for the inevitable rejection, wasn’t miserable when he looked into the mirror.  No more flashbacks or sudden fits of sadness or anger.  He woke up and was actually eager to get out of bed in the morning, eager for a day that he knew would bring good things.  And people were actually being nice to him!  There was no superficial politeness or poorly hidden disgust, no cheap pity.  Just genuine kindness.  His counselors and the other former super-villains actually seemed glad to see him every day.

               Of course, sometimes it felt too good to be true. Sometimes he would look around and everything would feel slightly off, like one of those hyper-realistic dreams where you can only tell that you’re dreaming because something in your room is out of place.  He felt like he was constantly wrapped in a blanket of warm air, and it was so good and comforting, but it made him dull and sleepy.  (Perhaps this was what being drunk was supposed to be like?  For the normal people?  When Toad tried alcohol, it only seemed to make him sad.)  Things were very hazy, and it was hard to put his thoughts together.  But that didn’t matter, did it?  Because finally he was safe and happy, and everyone was so nice.

               “This is a good place,” he said aloud to no one in particular. “We are all good here.”

[mariniacipher]

But Light Sides Do

Inspired by @quillfics42 onehot “Dark Sides Don’t Do Holidays” 

Summary: Patton gets his fellow Light Sides to make a christmas gift for their new housemate. 

Character: Patton, Roman, Logan, Virgil is mentioned and has a small appeareance at the end

Pairings: none, platonic L(A)MP

Warnings: none

Words: 1.761

“But why?” Roman whined, ignoring the way Logan rolled his eyes as Patton gave him a stern look.

“Now Roman, I know you don’t like Anxiety much, but I won’t stand for anyone here not getting a present on Christmas!”

“However good your intentions may be, I don’t think that Anxiety would necessarily appreciate your efforts, seeing his apparent disdain for the holidays.”

“I understood 80% of that sentence!” Logan’s eyes would get stuck at the back of his head one of these days. “But really, Logan, why not make an effort to make Anxiety feel more included? We don’t even really know him, and he probably moved here for a reason- Maybe he’s another Light Side!”

“Yeah, right, that dreadful- dork looks ready to kill a man and you think he’s a Light Side? He should try lightening up first, if you ask me,” Roman grinned at his joke, to the amusement of no one, except Patton who laughed out of politeness,”Also, his eyeshadow is absolutely garish, you’d think he doesn’t even TRY!” Roman threw an arm against his head as he fell against the logical Side next to him, who only smirked as he let Roman fall to the ground, making no effort to catch him. “TRAITOR!” The prince wailed from the ground, gripping one of Logan’s legs, gesturing dramatically with the other arm. “How could I, the all-beloved, talented, beautiful, charming, favoured Side of all be betrayed like this- by my own brethren no less!”

Before Logan could reply, already moving to pinch his nose, he fell. Roman grabbed the other’s leg, breaking out into thunderous laughter, only getting louder at the logical Side’s disgruntled expression. But his laugh was quickly cut off in favour of high-pitched squeaks, Logan wasting no time at all tickling him into submission, a cruel smile on his face.

“Unprepared for retaliation? A shame, for the prince to go down due to such an easily avoidable error.”

“Hey! Let me- Let go of me, you fiend! I demand to be freed- Patton! Patton, save me! Save me from this vile villain!”

“No- Patton, please-”

High-pitched laughing filled the living room, interrupted by screams. Patton’s smile was absolutely innocent, a stark contrast to Roman’s positively gleeful one. Logan, meanwhile, was crying for help. “Aww, come on Lo, we can stop as soon as you agree to helping us with anxiety’s present!”

“Us?”

“Yeah, of course, or do you not want to help?” Patton smiled, as sweet as a cherub, while Logan yelped on the ground in front of him, and Roman wasn’t frightened, per se, he’s a prince after all, but well- a prince always does good deeds whenever he can!

“No- I can’t wait, Patton, we shall show that Grinch the joys of Christmas! I am already thinking of ideas,” he grinned, conjuring a scroll of parchment and a self-inking quill, writing down the headline- “A Gift For A Grouch”- in pink, glittering, cursive writing.  

Logan relaxed as Patton moved away from him in favour of looking over Roman’s shoulder as the creative Side jotted down ideas, calming his breathing and his nerves. Patton and his incessant tickling, it was humilitaing.

“Hey, Lo, c’mere, look at all of Roman’s ideas!”

“Yes, very fascinating- what would he do with a set of Magic: The gathering cards? He doesn’t have anyone to play with.”

“I was brainstorming, genius,” Roman muttered, striking out the idea. “Besides, I think we all know the obvious winner here-”

“Yeah, the onesie!”

“No- You mean the collection of works by Edgar Allan Poe, correct?”

“No! The make-up set, you fools! He obviously needs it.”

“Kiddo, don’t be mean!” The only reply Patton got was displeased grumbling, but he went on unbothered. “And we don’t know if he even likes that scary stuff, or if he already has it, if he does.” “And scary stories belong to Halloween, not Christmas.”

“Yeah, well, we don’t know his size, so we can’t make him a hoodie either, not even regarding how strenuous it’d be to make a hoodie in such a short amount of time.”

“Uh, I can conjure?”

“But it’s a present, it should be handmade!”

“Okay, well, we can’t very well sneak into his room and just measure him-”

“-I could! It’s what I did to get the measurements for your Christmas sweater last year! Did you know that you sleep-talk?”

“No, I… did not, Patton. Thanks for informing me of that,” Logan noted, stiffly. He’d definitely get a lock tomorrow. Maybe earlier.

“You’re welcome! Oh! What if we get him a housewarming present?”

“And what would that be? Maybe a stocked wardrobe?... I don’t think I’ve seen him in anything other than that hoodie in years, it’s a crime.”

“Roman!”

“I can’t help it if it’s true!”

“Well, maybe he just gets cold quickly?”

“I think it’s more likely to be a coping mechanism, seeing as Sides usually have a deeper connection with what they embody, and hoodies being widely considered to be calming for people dealing with heightened anxiety due to stimulating the skin, offering warmth and comfort, as well as hiding the person’s figure.”

“Either way, we could make him a blanket! That way, he’d be warm, and whenever he uses it he can remember that even though none of us expected this, he is welcome here!”

“A grand idea, Padre!”

“Thank you Roman!”

“It does seem fitting. I’d suggest Princey designs it, for obvious reasons, while Patton and I make the actual blanket.”

“That emo nightmare won’t know what hit him, it’ll look so amazing!”

“Remember that it’s supposed to fit his aesthetic!”

“Shall do, dear Patton!”

“Aaand he’s gone. Well, let’s start on the actual blanket. Would you mind conjuring all we need, and get Thomas to research the process behind making a blanket, I don’t think I’ve got one in my records, and you’re more familiar with creating a sudden flash of interest in one of these,” he fished for a flash card, just to be sure,” DIY-projects.”

“Course, Lo. Ohhh, how about we make it weighted?”

“Like the one we made for Roman, so his incessant moving wouldn’t keep him up even longer? Well, I don’t see anything wrong with it, although it’d be a considerable amount of extra work.”

“I’m sure we’ll manage!”

So it was decided.

Roman came down with his drawing pad just a few minutes later, Logan planning how to do the actual blanket, guessing how much Anxiety would weigh to calculate the amount of pellets they’d need, and how much cotton would be needed to make it pleasantly soft, while Patton hummed christmas carols to himself, rolling out a batch of sugar cookies he’d quickly thrown together, before lining up a batch of different cookie cutters to make as many different shapes as possible. He especially liked the pumpkin and the elephant ones, as they always made Logan pinch his brow in that adorable, confused way of his.

It didn’t take long for Logan to be finished with the match behind it, and he sat next to Roman- Patton subtly keeping an eye on them, to make sure they wouldn’t argue too badly- looking over the prince’s designs and offering both praise and criticism. Both working towards a shared goal, it was easier to accept each other’s differences, easier to appreciate the other’s strengths.

The end product was a mix of black, purple and red, with stripes of white on the upper side, truly capturing Anxiety’s emo style, even if it seemed a bit more goth than his usual aesthetic. The flannel pattern wasn’t the main subject of their pride, though. That would the underside of the blanket, where they’d settled for a soft, crocheted blanket from Patton, in a light violet tone that looked like the clouds in the twilight of the dying sun, a calming colour with black embroidery they’d added, at the start just to proof that they were better at it than the other. The final product was a mixture of extravagant floral swirls and linear, geometric shapes, somehow slotting together perfectly. Patton squealed as he saw the two pieces of fabric, hugging both of them, and crinkling the blankets, almost choking on his own breath and excitement.

Patton had the most experience with the sewing machine, ,so he was the one sewing the blanket together, Logan weighing the pellets and mixing them with cotton to put into the patterns of the quilt and Roman eating some- not all!- of the sugar cookies- “A snack deserves a snack!”- and decorating the others, singing festive broadway and disney songs under his breath to avoid Logan getting into another tirade about waking their new housemate.

A bit more than an hour later, the quilt was finished, and the Sides looked it with pride. Anxiety would surely love his present! Patton wrote a quick note to put on the folded blanket and, seeing as Logan was barely seeing straight and Roman had offered to carry him to bed, walked upstairs and to Anxiety’s room, knocking quietly to check if he was awake, before slipping inside to quickly put the blanket on the desk, but- the kiddo was freezing! He was freezing, even under his numerous blankets and covers, this wouldn’t do! Patton covered the dark Side with the quilt, tucking him in as the kiddo snuggled deeper into the weighted blanket, quickly stilling, a tenseness leaving his form that Patton hadn’t even noticed was there. He put the note on Anxiety’s bedside cabinet and snuck out again.

“Merry Christmas, kiddo!”

~

They all tried to cover their disappointment when Anxiety failed to acknowledge their gift, if anything only growing more hostile with time, and never once uttering a thank you. Unknowing that the dark Side had accidentally knocked their note under his bed when reaching for his phone, Roman saw no reason not to let his hurt turn into bitterness, enjoying to get a rise out of the ungrateful Side. Logan, of course, had no such emotionally based reasoning, but if pressed he would admit that the other Side’s dismissal of their efforts was a tad… rude. But then again, he probably thought it a silly gesture, with his talk of Dark Sides not “doing” holidays, so he’d be glad to respect his views. Patton tried to stay nice, but wrapped under his covers, he was hurt- but he kept on hoping, he was sure Anxiety was nice under all his snarling and teasing!

He’d eventually be proven right, but none of the Light Sides knew that yet.

[octannibal-blake]

How about a bellarke something where one of them is way too emotionally invested in pumpkin carving

i loved this prompt, nonny. Also, side note. This Hocus Pocus drinking game exists. My friends and I do it every October and I strongly encourage others to participate! PSA over.

If there is one thing you should know about Clarke Griffin,it’s that Halloween is her absolute favorite holiday. The moment Septemberfades into October, something unexplainable comes over her. She’s wearing herburgundy sweaters over her black cat t-shirts (and yes, she has quite a few ofthose) and she’s consuming all things pumpkin related. She also pulls out allthe stops on Halloween decorations, even if her apartment is small and therereally being no rhyme or reason for having ghost lights everywhere remotelypossible. She fucking loves Halloween, okay?

It’s something her friends have gotten used to, thankfully, becausehonestly her obsession can be a little overwhelming at first. The firstHalloween she ever spent with Raven in college she forced her roommate to sitdown and watch Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf and then proceed to watch the entirety of the Evil Dead series (includingthe T.V show because she’s fucking thorough, okay?). Raven was a bit freakedout, especially when Clarke laughed as a zombie thing got maimed by a chainsawhand, but she learned to love it. Just like the rest of her friends. ExceptBellamy – he’s still getting used to it.

It’s the first Halloween they’re spending together sincebecoming an official item almost six months ago. They had friends for a while,though friends from a distance. As in they seemed to always have at least oneclass together each semester and found themselves sitting next to one anotherin each of them. And then studying together outside of class. And then runninginto each other at a party. The rest, really, is history.

Once an anti-Halloween extremist, she’s only just begunconverting him to other side. She had thought dating someone who was so adamantlyagainst Halloween was against her moral code, but then he smiled at her andmade some nerdy history joke and, well, she was a lost cause. She’s been tryingto ease him into it. Last weekend she and Raven had their annual Hocus Pocus night,during which they play a drinking game and get shit-faced drunk. They followthat by drunkenly watching all the Halloween episodes of Boy Meets World. It’stheir thing. Bellamy joined them along with Raven’s new “friend” Luna. It wasawfully double-date like, though Raven refuses to admit it. Bellamy seemed toenjoy the movie, even enthusiastically joining in the sing along versions of IPut A Spell on You. When she was left wearing the witch hat (rules say whoeverhas the witch hat at the end has to chug a beer), he cheered her on as shedrank from her can of PBR. It was quite a bonding experience.

Deciding he was ready for the next step in the Halloweencelebration, she convinced him to come over and carve pumpkins with her.

“Isn’t that something really cheesy couples do?” he hadasked.

“Well, I don’t know if you know this, but we’re a prettycheesy couple.”

He hadn’t been able to argue that. She had picked out the perfectpumpkins at the farmers market yesterday, perfectly rounded. She has newspaperlining her coffee table with the necessary tools. Bowls for the seeds,included. She likes to roast them. She is quing up the new season of StangerThings when there is a soft knock on her door. She runs to open it, the fuzzysocks on her feet causing her to nearly slide into the door. She pulls it openand he’s standing there with a bottle of wine and grin.

She yanks him in and gives him a quick kiss. That’ssomething else she’s noticed about being with him – she could see him every day(and she pretty much does) and still gets excited to see him. He returns herenthusiasm with a laugh.

“Nice sweater,” he comments, nodding his head toward theembroidered pumkin on her chest.

“It’s festive!” she tells him. He moves to the kitchen andmakes quick work of opening the bottle of wine. He pours them both a glassbefore joining her on the couch.

“I’ve never done this before,” he says as she slides her ownpumpkin towards her, “Be gentle.”

“You’ll be fine,” she says and pats his leg. She grabs theknife and begins to saw off the top. Bellamy watches her carefully before shehands the knife over to him and he tries it on his own.

“Don’t stab yourself!” she worries when the knife puncturesthe side of the pumpkin. He sets it down and tries more carefully. She triesnot to get distracted as his bicep flexes naturally with the pressure of theknife. She’s well aware of how lucky she is, after all, he’s a very attractiveguy. Sometimes it’s still hard to believe that he chose her, of all people, thequiet art major who trips over her own feet. She’s definitely lucky.

She reaches into her pumpkin and begins to scoop out theseeds. This has always been her favorite part. When she was younger, she andher dad would carve pumpkins together and she loved to get her hands dirty.There was something so fun about scooping it out and making a mess. Maybebecause her mom hated it and would fuss over it when they were finished, andher dad would give her a funny look to make everything better. She misses him,a lot. But she’s happy to continue the tradition with someone she cares about.

“Earth to Clarke,” Bellamy’s voice brings her from hermemory, “You okay?”

She gives him a soft smile and hands over the spoon, “Yeah,I spaced out for a second. Time to get your hands dirty, Blake.”

She finishes cleaning out her pumpkin first begins to usethe pencil to draw the outline of what she wants. She can’t just make a simplejack-o-lantern. No, she’s an artist. It has to be more. She loses herself inthe sketching, making sure she gets the angles right and won’t be cutting intothe pumpkin the wrong way. It has to be perfect.

She finishes up the sketch and picks up the knife. Shesneaks a glance at Bellamy, who is still trying to get all the seeds out of hispumpkin. It had a lot more than hers did.

“It helps if you just stick your hand in there,” she encourages,and he sets the spoon down with a frustrated sigh before dipping his hand intothe goopy mess. He sticks his tongue out in disgust.

“Don’t be a baby,” she teases and glares at her for dramaticeffect. She laughs and turns her attention back to her own. Somewhere along theway, she gets lost in it. She moves the knife up and down, tracing theintricate design and ensuring everything is perfect. She isn’t sure how long ittakes her, but when she finishes, she’s grinning triumphantly as the creepyforest looks back at her.

“You couldn’t just be a normal person and do a face witheyes?” Bellamy asks incredoulously as she shows him her design. He only has onetriangle cut out of his own  and it’s alopsided one. Poor guy.

“Just wait,” she smiles, standing up with the pumpkin inhand, “It’s going to look badass when I put a candle in it.”

She never gets to see it. As she makes her way to thekitchen, her sock gets caught on something, causing her to trip forward andlose her grip on the pumpkin. It hits the ground. She manages to catch herselfon the counter top. It lands faces down on the wood floor and based on theorange mess coming from the sides, it’s not good.

“Dammit!” she yells. Bellamy is by her side in seconds.

“Jesus, Clarke,” he grabs her elbow to help her stand upstraight. She just keeps staring at the pumpkin, her hard work all a smashedmess on the ground. She bends over and turns the pumpkin face up. The beautifulflowing forest is still there, it’s just dented in. And looks more like one sadlittle tree. Before she even realizes it’s happening, she finds herselfsniffling.

“Clarke?” Bellamy’s voice is full of concern, his handtugging on her elbow to make her look at him.

She’s embarrassed. She dropped her pumpkin and now she’sfucking crying over it like a baby. But seriously, she worked so hard on it.And now it’s all ruined.

“Are you…Clarke, are you crying?” his voice is soft when heasks her and tries to avoid his gaze. He places a hand under her chin andgently pushes her up to look at him. When she meets his eyes, he actuallycracks a smile. She pushes away from him.

“It’s not funny!” she says moving away from him, upset thathe seems to think her emotional reaction is humorous. Now she’s pissed. And shetends to also cry when she’s pissed.

“No!” he says immediately pulling her back to him, “It’s notthat. It’s…”

He looks contemplative then. Afraid even. She’s never seenhim look like that, which is strange, “What?”

He sighs, defeated, and returns his brown eyes to her blueones. They’re filled with something new. Something very intense. Something like…

“I love you.”

Oh. She blinks at him stupidly, trying to process the words.She just slid on her own floor, dropped her intricately made pumpkin on theground, and then cried about it like a child. And he…loves her?

“Shit,” he says when he takes a look at her face, which sheimagines looks something along the lines of shock, “Too soon, right?”

He tries to back away from her, but her body finally kicksinto gear. She wraps her arms around his waist and buries herself into him. Heloves her. Even when she cries over pumpkins. What a guy,

“No,” she says finally pulling back and giving him a waterysmile, because now she’s just happy. Happy that he chooses her, even when she’scrazy about a silly holiday. He chooses her when she acts like a fool. Happybecause she’s been in love with him since the day she met him, basically, “Ilove you too.”

When he kisses her, it’s easy to forget about the smashedpumpkin. In fact, she forgets about the smashed pumpkin until they wake up thenext day and she trips over it on her way to the coffee maker.

He tells her he loves her then, too.

[yujachachacha]

Hi Yujacha! I have no idea what that other anon is going on about, but there's something that's confusing me. What is "ie taiga"? Is it 言えたいが? Or something else? (Sorry if this is weird, I'm having a bad day with words)

It’s not weird at all, no worries! I keep forgetting that most people aren’t familiar with calls/wota, and even less aware of the fan mixes. And as for that other anon - feel free to ignore them. :)

I actually wrote about “ie taiga” in a previous ask here, so go ahead and check that out for a detailed explanation. Long story short: there are chants that LLers do during lives. For example, fans will echo back “Oh yes! Doki doki sunshine!” during performances of “Kimi no Kokoro wa Kagayaiteru kai?”. Stuff like that is part of the “standard” calls, but hardcore fans have created special versions that draw from idol otaku culture. Particularly for “Koi ni Naritai AQUARIUM”, there’s been a trend of screaming “IE TAIGAAA” right after You sings her “I miss you~” line.

“Ie taiga” is basically the JP pronunciation of “yay tiger”, and nope, there’s no special meaning to it other than being derived from an AKB48 mix. It’s just something that wota guys decided was cool. Check out the link I included at the end of the “ie taiga” ask for an audio demonstration.

It’s a particularly hot topic amongst hardcore LLers these days because a few people have started doing the calls during actual lives rather than limiting it to karaoke sessions. To some fans, the extra calls are disruptive and detract from their enjoyment of the concert experience. For songs like KoiAqua, it’s barely tolerable since the song is super hype and works well with calls. However, I’ve seen various reports from attendees of the HAPPY PARTY TRAIN tour who complained that people have started screaming it at really inappropriate moments, such as the climactic silence before the final verses of “Aozora Jumping Heart” and the dramatic pause before the “lalala” portion of “MIRAI TICKET”.

I’m pretty sure that the process for this went something like: People think it’s acceptable to ie taiga during KoiAqua (1st Live) → People think it’s acceptable to ie taiga during AoJump (2nd Live in Kobe)→ People think it’s acceptable to ie taiga during MiraTicke (2nd Live in Saitama). It’s not. Oh my dear fucking god, it’s not. Instead of adding to the energy of their fellow concertgoers, all it does it annoy them while they’re trying to enjoy the atmosphere of the live.

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 12:33 pm cloudy/windy

Welcome to “8 Questions With……”

I found our next guest,Krystle Martin,by sheer accident. I was surfing FB and her page came up as someone FB thought I might like,seeing as Krystle was an actress,I clicked on her page and poked around.  Then I clicked on her acting reel and thought it was so darn cute,normally I don’t post acting reels with interviews because they get outdated and sometimes taken down and that leaves a empty hole on the page. But I’m posting Krystle’s reel because it was so darn charming and it sparked my curiousity because not only does Ktystle act,she is also a professional stuntwoman and while I have chatted with stuntmen here,I haven’t had a interview since I talked with Diana Lee Inosanto in 2016. So it made perfect sense to ask Krystle if she would be willing to share her story with us here and being quite modest,I really feel I have the coolest people to chat with and after reading Ktystle’s story,you’ll agree with me…..

  Please introduce yourself and tell us about your current project.

Hey hey! My name is Krystle Martin, I’m a stunt performer and actor. I’ve most recently been working as Ronda Rousey’s stunt double on Fox’s 911, played a dramatic role in a Vang Brother’s feature called The Uncanny, and performed mocap for Amazon Games’ upcoming The Crucible.

What was your childhood like? Were you a tomboy at a early age?

I was always equal parts tomboy and girlie girl, I never wanted to take off my blue Cinderella dress but it ended up torn from climbing trees. Flash forward to now… on a day off from shooting 911 in Mexico, I wore a new sundress to meet the guys at the beach, then ended up tying the hem up around my thighs so I could join their impromptu game of football. 

I grew up in a broken home with lots of love but not a lot of money or structure. I was the oldest with a brother and sister to look after and always took being a role model for them (probably a little too) seriously. I wanted to show them anything was possible, that we could stop the cycles we’d been born into. We can steer away from addiction, we can go to school and get good grades, work and earn our own money, go to college, travel, and follow our dreams. I’m still trying to set a good example for them, and myself. I’m always striving to learn every day and be the best person I can be.

Which did you do first as a professional,act or do stunts?

Acting was my first love, then I sort of… fell into stunts– see what I did there? I studied acting at UCLA’s School of Theater, Film, and Television and performed in shorts and indie films, but was struggling hard after graduation just to keep my rent paid without the benefit of financial aid. I happened upon Santa Monica Muscle Beach one day while running with a friend and was so thrilled with the playground for adults and all the fun, kind people there, it became a frequent hangout. Many of the patrons of “the beach” turned out to be stunt people and shortly thereafter, I was invited to attend some private stunt workouts. I’d been training for fun like that for a few years while juggling too many day jobs to count,  classes, student film auditions, and trying to get an agent. Eventually, I heard about an audition for a touring stunt show called Marvel Universe Live. I almost didn’t go to it because after some small successes, I didn’t want to risk losing any momentum I had going in LA. But after several callbacks I was invested. The project sounded like an adventure, an opportunity to learn and travel, and prove to myself that I could do it. 

What was your first stunt and how did you prepare for it?

Marvel Universe Live was my first stunt gig, and not just one stunt but a two hour show of them, up to three times a day, performed live to a sound track, with no “cut” like in film– you had to roll with the punches. My first year, I was cast as the Captain Marvel understudy (before that super hero was a household name) and played the minion baddies –Chitauri and Extremis. I took 18 falls to the ground every show, along with a 16 foot highfall, a lot of running, climbing, and fighting. We were in rehearsals for three months before the show opened, which included daily conditioning training. Before the rehearsals had begun, or I’d officially been assigned a role, casting had asked if I’d be willing to “tone up a bit”. In six weeks, I dropped 10lbs, 2 pant sizes, 5% body fat, and got in the best shape of my life. I was determined, and it paid off!

Is it more difficult when you are both acting and doing stunts,in your mind what comes first?

I could see that becoming an issue if the stunts were tougher than just some light running and fighting, which is the extent of the stunts so far that I have done while I am also acting. Acting always comes first for me, as the story, background, and emotional state of the character will influence the performance of the choreography – it’s something that applies when I am doing just straight stunts as well. In fact, I consider my acting background a huge asset when working as a stunt performer, particularly when doubling an actor, because I can efficiently understand their process and observe and recreate details to help meld the two performances into the single character. 

There was a time when my dream was to act and do my own stunts. Now that I have become more immersed in the stunt world, I no longer want that. I realize that’s a naïve and selfish thing to do as an actor. Actors can certainly bring an athleticism to a character, but insisting on doing their own stunts can take away focus from giving their best acting performance, take away a job from a qualified, trained stunt professional, and risk money, jobs, and potentially the entire production should they get injured. Actors and stunt doubles can make a great team to bring a character to life and create the best production possible.

Which do you like to do more as an actress,action,horror,comedy? What draws you to a project?

Because of my dual skill sets, action definitely interests me most, followed by well-written drama. Above all, an engaging story arc attracts me to a project, how does the character evolve over the course of the film? Of course, this is Hollywood, and I’ve got bills to pay so I don’t always have the luxury of choosing my ideal roles. I just try to learn what I can from each project, and every day spent on a set is an excellent learning experience.

Do actors/stunt people get paid separately for each job? Is the pay rate higher the more involved the stunt is?

Yes, Actors and stunt performers usually get paid per job on a daily or weekly SAG-AFTRA contract. Or if doubling on a film, you may be “carried,” meaning they will pay you on days you are not actively working for the luxury of having you available solely for that production.

For stunts, you usually get an additional bump in pay on top of the day rate, depending on the difficulty and risk of the stunt and how many times production needs you to repeat it. How much is at the discretion of the stunt coordinator and added to the Schedule G (daily sign in/out sheet) at the end of the day.

What has been your three best moments in the entertainment business so far?

The first to pop into mind was very recent actually, I was doubling Ronda Rousey on 911 last month and there was a fight scene to shoot. Very talented stunt guys, Matt Mullins and Brandon Melende worked out some great potential choreo to demonstrate, the finale of which had me taking Brandon down with a flying armbar. Afterward, Ronda suggested I give her my contact information to keep on hand because “people always ask me if I have someone, and now I can say I do. And I like your fight stuff.” It was a double whammy compliment! I tried so hard to play it cool but inside I was jumping for joy and sing-yelling, “Ronda Rousey likes my fights!!!!!!! Holy Crap! Did you hear that?! Am I dreaming?! I can now die happy” I think I managed to say something slightly more respectable like, “Well, coming from you that’s quite the compliment. Thank you.” 

Of course, originally getting the call to work 911, my first ever SAG Weekly contract— in Mexico!! And then getting told I was going to stunt double for Ronda Rousey— not only exciting because she’s a badass but also because for nine years or so, since she started with the UFC, people had been stopping me in grocery stores to tell me I looked like her! And now I get to double her!!!! —Those were big moments too.

Getting the call from Marvel stands out. It was January 2nd, 2014. Feld Entertainment called to tell me I’d been cast in Marvel Universe Live! After multiple callbacks, weeks of intensive training to tone up, and months of the waiting game, I’d gotten the part! I did it!! I was going to travel! I’d never been east of Oklahoma! I was going to get paid more than I ever had—to perform!!! Again, I tried to “play it cool” on the phone, but I was dancing around my kitchen and upon hanging up, hysterically laugh-cried, grinning wet face pointed to the heavens, overcome with gratitude. 

Getting a call to work my first SAG stunt gig on LA’s Finest. I had been a SAG member for almost a year without a job when this call came. It was late the night before the stunt, I had been at the Korean spa with my phone off, and I felt so happy and grateful that I had happened to turn my phone on, got service in the underground facility, and answered the unknown call to receive this excellent news! Another laugh-cry moment. Then for the first time I had my own trailer room and had a great day as a stunt double!

What do you do in order to stay in shape? Do you have set training schedule?

I find my day jobs plus attending stunt workouts keep me in pretty great shape without additional gym time. I usually run 2-4 miles a few times week while listening to a fun app called Zombies Run— great production value and what better motivator to sprint than zombies right behind you?! I work at Universal Studios as an employee of a stunt company called Action Horizons, in The Special Effects Show—a behind-the-scenes show where I rappel in from the ceiling, fight off two bad guys and throw them in a dumpster, then get set on fire—and the Triceratops Encounter—in which I work in tandem with another person, while piloting the 140lbs head, face, and front feet of a 10’ tall dino puppet. I attend weekly stunt workouts with (Mo-Cap/Action Studio) Minds Eye Tribe in tactical, creature movement, and swords, and every week I still go play on the rings and slackline at Santa Monica Muscle Beach.

What has been your worst injury to date and how did it happen?

I have been very lucky to have never broken a bone or torn a ligament or tendon *knocks on wood*. Though, I’ve hyperextended my thumbs so many times I’m skittish about holding hands unless my thumb is on the outside. After years of repeatedly injuring them when fighting over/grabbing weapons, a fight choreographer on Marvel, David Doersch, finally demonstrated to all of us by moving both his thumbs perpendicular to his palms,  saying “hospital” and then parallel to his palms, “no hospital” and repeating the process multiple times for emphasis— a helpful tidbit I now often include when coaching actors for fight scenes. I’ve been hit in the face quite a bit, had black eyes on each side and once I got accidentally punched so hard in the mouth that my permanent retainer popped off. Discomfort, soreness, pain, and some injuries are practically in the job description. It’s common courtesy to buy a fellow stunt performer a drink if you accidently make contact for real…. I’ve drank some and I’ve bought some.

The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

I love playing tour guide! Even after 11 years, my heart still skips a beat when I turn a corner and catch a glimpse of the Hollywood sign, so I love taking out-of-town friends to Grauman’s Chinese Theater, The Dolby, and the Walk of Fame. You could come see all the shows at Universal and go on the backlot tour,  and take a little hike up to Wisdom Tree. And of course, come play with us at Santa Monica Muscle Beach.

I like to thank Krystle for taking the time to talk with us. She is certainly one true bad ass on more then one level and we have nothing but respect and admiration for where she has come and more importantly,where she is going.      Krystle has several SM sites in which you can follow her career both in front of the camera and behind it. 

StuntPhone Profile

StuntListing Profile

Stunt Reel Acting Reel Website

Actors Access

IMDB InstaGram

If you have a story and want a chance to share it,feel free to reach out and email me and we’ll talk, As always,thank you so much for supporting Krystle and everyone I have interviewed here.  We are very grateful. Feel free to drop a comment below as well.

8 Questions with……….actress-stuntwoman Krystle Martin Its 12:33 pm cloudy/windy Welcome to "8 Questions With......" I found our next guest,Krystle Martin,by sheer accident.

[evanescencesource]

Amy Lee on Artistic Freedom and New Music

Derek Oswald [AltWire]: Let’s start off by talking about Voice From The Stone. How is it that you first became involved with this project?

Amy Lee [Evanescence / Solo Artist]: Man, it’s so cool when it happens like this. The director felt inspired about me and thought of me and had this idea to have me try to do a song for his movie. So he got hold of me, and showed me the film while they were still working on it to see if I liked it or if I had an idea, and I was immediately just sucked into the story. It’s so beautiful, so unique and you don’t know what’s happening next, and it’s just a really good film.

Being a new mom I had an extra level of inspiration about it, because basically this film is about a boy who lost his mother, and in his grieving he hasn’t spoken since her death. So I’m from the perspective of the mom, on the other side, singing to him.  It’s sort of like their bond is so great, and their love is so big, that it’s bigger than death.

That to me was such a great inspiration that instantly I had ideas. I knew what I wanted it to feel like, and I spoke to Eric the director and also Michael the score composer on the phone right after watching it. We talked about what they were imagining and what I was imagining and it was just really lining up. I was super excited, and I got off the phone, ran over to the piano and had the initial idea that night, mocked up. Just the basics of it.

Usually the hard part is showing off that thing that you’re quietly in love with, and hearing them go, ‘Yeah, it’s nothing like what I wanted.’ But that didn’t happen. They loved it and we were really on the same page from the beginning. That’s just the beginning of the story. I could go on and on about the whole thing, but that’s really how I got into it.

AW: This is certainly not your first foray into contributing to a soundtrack, as you previously provided music to the films War Story and Indigo Grey. But this time seems a lot more personal to you. Was there a stronger personal connection this time around? How would you say the creative experience for this song differed from your work on those other films?

AL: I’ll always get into it and try and find ways to be able to get myself where I need to be, but yes, this one I was literally connecting with in some ways, and it really just felt like it was meant to be. And you know what? Not only was it about a mother (and I’m a new mom) but also the mother in this film was a famous classical musician. She was a singer and a piano player. So I was like ‘COME ON!’ [laughs] ‘This is totally and in every way me!’ Like, I could just see myself in this part.

So that was really cool, because as much as you could do with the song, I felt like I really was invited in to be a character in the film. You never hear her sing, but it’s all in the backstory about her life. So when the song comes in and it begins with nothing but the vocals, no piano or anything, it’s like you’re hearing her voice for the first time. I feel it’s so powerful and cool to be able to play that part a little bit.

AW: Your soundtrack and film score portfolio has grown consistently since 2013. Career-wise, do you see your future self musically heading more towards film scoring, or is there a part of you still hungry to record more solo records and Evanescence records?

AL: I’m hungry for both!  I make these big projects – like an Evanescence album – and it’s easy to get stuck in the process of it where it really does take a year and a half from the beginning to the very end of it. And that’s awesome, but somewhere in the middle of that year and a half, there are all these moments where you feel like, ‘Man, I wish I could do something completely different right now. I wish I had another outlet.’ And that for a lot of my life has been the part where I paint, or do designs for clothing I’m going to wear on stage or in a video… stuff like that.

I have a lot of paintings in my house where you’d never think it was ‘the girl from Evanescence’ doing them, because they’re very colorful. It’s the opposite, almost like kids’ stuff! The kids’ album Dream Too Much incorporated a lot of my art design. They were renditions of my paintings, all those characters like the sheep, those are all paintings in my house. And the reason all those paintings really started is because I’d be off making this huge, very dramatic, very soul-wrenching Evanescence album, and somewhere in the middle of it at some point, I just badly needed to be able to express the opposite emotion!

So it’s really nice for me to be able to be in this place where I feel like I can do anything at any time. Like, if I have this crazy idea to do a cover of Led Zeppelin’s Going To California, or do a solo song because I heard it on the radio in Italian and I love it but I really want to do it in English and in a different way, I can do that and not feel like I’m trapped inside a giant monster and I’m only allowed to do that one thing. Or that the people around me only know how to market that one thing.

I feel a lot of freedom right now! I feel like anything is possible and it makes me enjoy the Evanescence part a lot more because I feel like the only reason I’m doing it is because I want to be doing it, not because I have to in any way. So we’ve been having a lot of fun doing the Evanescence stuff. We’ve gotten together to play shows the last couple of years off and on, and it’s just been more and more inspiring. So that’s why we’re getting creative again!

AW: With the recent re-emergence of Evanescence, naturally the question on everyone’s minds is: What’s coming next?  You’ve been hinting a little bit lately about a ‘unique’ project with the band that’s different from the normal Evanescence fare. While I understand your desire to remain tight-lipped, are there ANY details you can spare on this project?

AL: I am going to spill all of the details on this project in about a month – I just need to give it some time. I know that’s annoying for a journalist, but the core of it is getting to hear Evanescence in a new way. It really is. It’s not just ‘the next Evanescence album’ – it’s something else, and it’s definitely challenging. It’s from a place where it still connects absolutely to the core of what the band is, but it’s forcing everyone to try new things and work outside of our comfort zone completely, and work in new elements. So I’m very excited about it, and that’s what I’ve been spending the majority of my time doing during all of this stress for all of the other things in the background. I’m just working over a bubbling cauldron of stuff over here! I’m very excited about it, and I really hope the fans are too when they hear what it is, but I can’t give any other information than that right now.

AW: While the upcoming project is still very hush-hush, perhaps you can give your input on this: Now that you have a strong new lineup, do you have an idea of what direction you’d like the band to head in? Not exactly just with this album, but what you would like to achieve with future Evanescence material over the next few years?

AL: Um, I see how you’re trying to be tricky and just get more information out of me about the ‘thing’!

[We both burst out laughing]

AL: BUT [laughs] I feel that would just be giving it away! So, this is just a very general statement, because I don’t have a specific direction for the next-next-thing – although we’re starting to formulate that already – but I’m starting to learn that less is more, in a way. Evanescence, for me, has always been this place where every single thing you can imagine is in there. We’ve used so many tracks that pro tools can’t handle it, and it’s an issue. So with all the strings, the programming, the guitars, the background vocals, and all of these things that go into our music, as wonderful as that all is, I’ve come to realize that sometimes you’re not hearing all that we’re doing because of all that is going on. I’ve come to sometimes enjoy being able to hear just one thing at a time a little bit.

That being said, that’s not meant to really describe anything other than that my headspace right now is that I can appreciate moments of simplicity, and I think that’s important. I think that’s an important direction for us to think about in the future, that everything doesn’t always have to be so full or so complicated. Because in life, sometimes your emotions are a huge hurricane of stuff and other times it’s just one little simple thought.

AW: Lost Whispers was well received by the fan base, but there have been a few songs over the years that were performed live but not released, such as Your Love and Find A Way. Some fans were hoping to see these on Lost Whispers, but they were not included. Will these songs ever see the light of day?

AL: You know…it’s one of those things. Those are a couple of songs that have made it out a little bit, so you’ve heard parts of them… like Take Cover, that’s a B-side of ours that we’ve played live only, and what you don’t know is that there’s this huge pile of songs like that. We’ve got this cool playlist of songs that we’ve got to draw from, of music that didn’t quite make it. Music that got sort of pushed to the side over the years, the ones that didn’t quite make it enough to be recorded.  Like Find A Way and Your Love, for example, those don’t have full recordings, at least at this point. But that’s not to say that they aren’t any good, and I do hear what’s cool about that music. But it’s nice to have that big bank of stuff because honestly, sometimes the reason it didn’t make it out is because it’s not as good as another song that’s kind of like it. I’ve gotten like that about a few things, and that’s what happened with Your Love. I’m trying to think of what it reminded me of where we thought the other one was better, but it’s kind of like that.

Will they ever see the light of day? Well, I have heard a rumor that Legends and Lyrics is planning on releasing the performance we did with Your Love on it, so if they do that would be cool! I don’t control it – if I did, I would’ve done it myself. But it’s kind of funny coming out now because it was so long ago! My hair was chopped off, it was in 2009 or 2010. So we’ll see! It would be nice to watch it actually; I’d like to see it again.

Find A Way is a cool song! That’s a song that I wrote for a film, I was just trying to get on the soundtrack of this Middle Eastern kind of movie a few years ago and it didn’t make it. I do that all the time. I’ve got a nice pile of ‘Oh that didn’t work, oh well! Maybe I’ll come back to that when it makes sense.’ When we go to the next place, or the next album, it’s always like that. We go to the pile! Even if it’s not that we use a whole song, sometimes it’s like, ‘Oh, the verse of this song is great but the chorus could be better…’ and then we can use it, you know? I’ve definitely done that quite a few times.

So we’ll see what happens with those two specifically, I’m not really sure yet. Don’t be shocked if they change! If the chorus is done and all of a sudden it has a different name, well that’s just too bad [laughs].

AW: Beyond what we’ve already discussed, what can fans expect from both you and Evanescence in the year ahead?

AL: We will be releasing something this year! So there is definitely stuff to be looking forward to in the very near future. In two weeks we’re going to be going on a tour in South America, and then shortly after that we’re going to be playing a European tour, and it’s a pretty significant and kind of long one. So we’ll be seeing fans, and you can come see us live, and meanwhile we’ll be working on this new thing that will be out this year. So I think there’s a lot on the horizon for the band.

I do plan on doing more solo stuff, but it’s kind of nice that it’s been sort of piecemeal, because like I was talking about before, the recording process gets to be this big thing and I need an outlet from it. It’s nice to be able to record a song for a film every once in a while, and do a song on my own, and I definitely have some ideas about my next covers EP. So I’ll be doing that at some point when I have a free moment…

AW: [deadpan]…which never happens.

AL: NEVER! All free moments I spend with Jack. [laughs]

[x]

[placetobenation]

June 17th marks 25 years since the opening ceremony of 1994 FIFA World Cup, a tournament which still holds the record for the being the best attended World Cup in history, with nearly 3.6m people going to see one of the 52 matches on offer. 25 years on, USA ’94 remains one of the most memorable tournaments in the illustrious competition’s history, so let’s take a walk down memory lane and remember the time when the United States was at the center of the footballing universe.

In what would become a staple of the process of choosing a host nation, FIFA selected the United States to host the 1994 edition of its showpiece event under controversial circumstances. By selecting the USA over Morocco and Brazil on Independence Day 1988, FIFA had given the rights to host soccer’s biggest event to a country with no active professional league for the first time ever.

The North American Soccer League had at one point been hugely popular, boasting some of the greatest players in the history of the game amongst their team’s squads, including Johan Cruyff, George Best and, perhaps the most famous of all, Pele. At the league’s peak, NASL teams had amassed a who’s who of world soccer, but it folded in 1984 after a sharp decline in interest in the sport. By the time the FIFA Executive Committee sat down to vote, the USA had had no professional soccer to speak of for four years, and would not have for another eight after that. To give the World Cup to the USA over three time champions Brazil, where football is more of a religion than a sport, would have been unthinkable.

However, over half of the FIFA Executive Committee thought differently and USA 1994 was given the go-ahead, with one caveat – they had to create their own professional football league. This led to the creation of the MLS, which is now a very popular league in its own right, with its matches being broadcast worldwide.

“We’re Coming Out!” – The USA becomes the centre of the FIFA Universe

Fast-forward six years and we are at Soldier Field in Chicago in front of 63,117 fans with millions watching on television around the globe, waiting to see reigning champions Germany take on Bolivia. Before they took the field however, everyone was treated to the traditional pomp and circumstance of the opening ceremony. Hosted by Oprah Winfrey, the show was due to be highlighted by legendary singer Diana Ross scoring the first “goal” of the event, where she would take a penalty into a gimmick goal, which would then split in two.

That’s what was meant to happen anyway. What actually happened was much different, but would actually become quite apt as the tournament drew to a conclusion (more on that later!). Singing I’m Coming Out, which was to signify the US’s new outlook on the Beautiful Game, Ross ran the length of the pitch, and promptly hooked her right-footed spot kick wide by about six feet. Not the worst penalty I have ever seen but not the way you want to have your opening ceremony remembered by.

Thankfully, once the actual soccer began it was not as disastrous. With 24 teams qualified instead of the now standard 32, the teams were split up into 6 groups of 4 with 16 qualifying for the next stage. This meant that four third-place teams would go through, making it harder to be knocked out at this stage than to make it through to the knockout phase. 

The USA were one of the beneficiaries of this nuance, as the hosts finished 3rd in Group A behind Romania and Switzerland, knocking out one of the pre-tournament favorites Colombia in the process. This group included the first ever World Cup match to be played indoors when the United States and Switzerland played out a 1-1 draw in front of 73,425 fans in the Pontiac Silverdome.

Tragically, immediately following his return to Colombia with the rest of his teammates, Andres Escobar was shot and killed, purely because his own goal eliminated Colombia. It has been rumoured that Escobar’s own goal had caused high-ranking members of a power drug cartel to lose a significant amount betting on Colombia’s progress at the World Cup. It was also said that Escobar was in the wrong place at the wrong time during an extremely dangerous time in the country. Either way, it is an extremely unfortunate and sad story in relation to USA ’94.

Now, back to the positive stuff. Groups B and C hosted world giants in Brazil, Spain and defending champions Germany, as well as Cameroon, who lit up Italia ’90. While favorites Brazil progressed with minimal fuss, South Korea, who came into the tournament with a World Cup record of a stellar 0 wins, one draw and seven defeats, gave both Spain and Germany a scare. 2-0 down with four minutes to play, South Korea rallied to draw with Spain in Dallas, and almost repeated the feat 10 days later against the Germans in the same venue, ultimately going down to a 3-2 defeat.

Group D was an example of how crazy the 24-team structure could be because, despite winning their first two games by an aggregate score of 6-1 against Greece and Nigeria, Argentina only finished third in the group following a 2-0 defeat to tournament surprise package Bulgaria at the Cotton Bowl. Had this been a 32-team event, Argentina would be heading home after a week!

One member of the Argentina squad who was sent home after a week was the legendary Diego Maradona. Maradona is one of the best players to have ever played the game and won the World Cup in 1986 almost single handedly. To see just how single handedly it was, look no further than the Hand of God goal against England, where a goal was given after Maradona knocked the ball over England ‘keeper Peter Shitlon’s head with his hand. Maradona said after the game that it never hit his hand but that it was the Hand of God and the name of the World Cup’s most infamous goal was coined.

No way that hit his hand….

However, eight years after scoring one of the most infamous goals in World Cup history (and one of the best ever in the same game), Diego Armando Maradona went from national hero to national villain after failing a drug test, testing positive for ephedrine, and was sent home in disgrace, never to play for his country again.

Group E had its own drama as all four teams finished on four points, with a win, loss and draw each. It was such a tight group that all teams had a goal difference of zero (that is, they scored the same amount as they conceded). In the end, three of the four teams were knocked out with Norway missing out on goals scored, having won 1-0, lost 1-0 and drawn 0-0. Now, I know what many of you are probably thinking; “How can anyone find this exciting when there’s almost no goals?” This is one of the nuances of soccer – a game can be exciting without goals, and Ireland’s 1-0 victory over Italy at Giants Stadium is still fondly remembered today, proving that even 1-0s can be exciting in their own ways.

One of the more memorable moments in this group is in the Ireland-Mexico game in Orlando where Ireland’s John Aldridge, for lack of a better term, completely lost it. While the Mexican team were more accustomed to the close to 100-degree heat, Aldridge was melting like the Wicked Witch of the West as he was waiting to be substituted on. It was close to five minutes before he got on, and he had to wait patiently, standing at the side of the pitch unable to escape the heat.

As someone who comes from a part of the world where it struggles to get above 10 degrees and you are delighted when you even catch a glimpse of the sun, I can understand his frustration. However, his frustration soon boiled over and he proceeded to vent his anger at any one who moved, including his manager Jack Charlton, a World Cup winner in 1966.

Yes, 3 pints! Don’t you realise how hot it is?!

Group F was another nervy group which ended in Saudi Arabia shocking Belgium in the last game to finish 2nd in the group thanks to one of the goals of the tournament from Saaed Al-Qwairian. Because of this, Belgium ended up in the same predicament as Argentina where they had won their first two games yet were still reliant on them being one to the best 3rd placed teams to progress. Despite finishing at the bottom and having lost all three games, Morocco did not disgrace themselves in a group that was tighter on the pitch than it was on paper, having lost all three games by just one goal.

The knockout phase started in a dramatic fashion as Argentina, without their disgraced talisman to call on, were knocked out by Romania in front of over 90,000 people in Pasadena. Despite Maradona being sent home they still boasted talented players such as current Atletico Madrid manager Diego Simeone, playmaker Ariel Ortega and Gabriel Batistuta, one of the country’s greatest players of the 90s and early 2000s. However, despite this firepower, they were no match for a Romania side who consistently punched above their weight on the international stage and, as a result, Argentina, who had played in the last two World Cup finals, were eliminated in the Last 16.

Everyone: Who’s to blame for Argentina getting knocked out early? Diego: ……?

Elsewhere, the United States prize for qualifying from their group was an Independence Day showdown with Brazil. The hosts did not disgrace themselves by any manner of means against a Brazil team reaching the peak of their powers, going down 1-0 thanks to a Bebeto goal 20 minutes from the end. An excellent showing from the Americans who did themselves and their country proud with their performances. Other than the Romanian win, there were no more shocks in the Last 16, although Italy survived a scare, needing extra time to be Nigeria 2-1 to progress to the quarter-finals.

The last eight saw yet another shock, as the holders Germany crashed out after a 2-1 defeat to unfancied Bulgaria at Giants Stadium. Haven taken the lead just after halftime thanks to a Lothar Matthaus penalty (who would call this Giants Stadium home a few years later when he joined the MetroStars) but two quick fire goals from the Bulgarians left German hearts broken, as they would no longer have the chance to repeat as world champions.

This stage also saw four giants of international soccer face each other for a spot in the semi-finals and they did not disappoint. Old rivals Italy and Spain started proceedings at Foxboro Stadium in a back and forth match which was settled by a late goal by the Devine Ponytail himself, Roberto Baggio, with a goal on 88 minutes to send the Azzurri through to the next round at the expense of a talented Spanish side.

Divine Ponytail indeed!

Following that came one of the best matches of the tournament however as Brazil and Holland squared off at the Cotton Bowl, which seemed to be *ahem* the Place To Be for all of the memorable matches. In a match that had three changes of the lead, the Brazilians came out on top, eventually defeating the latest golden generation of Dutch soccer 3-2 in a fantastic contest. In the last quarter-final match, Sweden overcame Romania on penalties to reach their second World Cup semi-final

On to the semis we go and it was the end of the line for two of the surprise packages of the tournament as it was relatively straightforward for Brazil as they saw off Sweden 1-0. Similarly, Italy followed the script where others had failed, as they toppled Bulgaria 2-1 to end their hopes of a World Cup final after a spirited run to the last four. So the final two are Brazil and Italy in repeat of the legendary 1970 final, which Brazil won 4-1.

And, in a match between two teams who had scored a combined 19 goals between them in the run up to the final? One on the worst World Cup finals in history of course. Brazil and Italy proceeded to give the 94,194 in attendance at the Rose Bowl a cagey 0-0 in normal time, then exactly the same for the 30 minutes of extra time that those watching had to endure. As a result, the match went to a penalty shootout, the first time this would decide the winners of the World Cup.

Even the penalty shootout didn’t lead to goals straight away as the first man up for both teams missed their kick. On round four of the shootout, when Danielle Massaro missed for the Italians and then Brazil captain Dunga put his away, the pressure was all on one man to keep Italy in with the game. Up steps Roberto Baggio, who had been Italy’s main man through the tournament with the weight and the expectation of a whole country on his shoulders.

Remember what I said about Diana Ross’s penalty kick? Well, in the same way the World Cup started with an awful penalty, it ended in the same manner, as Baggio puts the ball into orbit and hands the World Cup to Brazil for a fourth time. Baggio was in an unenviable position and a lesser man would have shied away from taking that kick completely knowing what it meant to himself, his teammates and his compatriots in the stadium and back home. Pressure can do strange things to people, and it certainly did to Baggio, who if you gave him the ball for a penalty would probably score nine times out of ten. Unfortunately, for Italy, this time was the 10th.

The agony and the ecstasy of a World Cup final

The road to USA ’94 may have started in controversial circumstances but by the time the big show began, all of that was forgotten. This was one of the best remembered World Cups be it for the Bulgarian heroics to get to the semis, the famous Brazilian baby cradle celebration or excellent soccer which was the meat sandwiched into two rubbish penalties.

In the run up to the announcement of the 2018 and 2020 World Cup hosts, my pick for one of them was the United States, and I thought they almost guaranteed on to be one of the hosts. We all know how that went and the nefarious means behind that, so I was delighted to hear that the USA, Canada and Mexico had been successful in their joint bid to host the 2026 edition. If 2026 is anywhere close to this one, then we are definitely onto a winner.

[iluvtv]

Hail Canada Part 2: The Only Thing Better Might Be A Julia Stiles-Athon

First of all, season four of Schitt’s Creek might just be the best one yet. For the past 3 years viewers have delighted as these characters have evolved from shallow, rich and whole heartedly self-centered humans into moderately less shallow, hard working, and occasionally compassionate ones. Through their process of growth we viewers too have evolved, slowly increasing our empathy for their foibles. Each character’s complex idiosyncrasies has become increasingly transparent and  four years after their comfortable lives were upended and they were forced up Schitts Creek, fans can see that they aren’t a family interested in just flailing along without a paddle.

While none of the Rose’s could be accused of executing their development with much grace or confidence they are, nonetheless, all marching forward. Alexis continues to pursue her education, allowing her social ambitions to take a back seat to her long term success. David is accepting his own vulnerability. Moira is clumsily attempting to offer genuine love and support to her friends and family and sweet John is rolling up his sleeves and executing real and actual teamwork. All four members of the Rose family are running their own increasingly successful businesses and all seem reluctantly aware that while squeezing into two bedrooms at a dingy motel is less than ideal, the love that fills their world now has only improved the lives they had while living in opulence.

In fact, (and I only say this because, well...it’s Hanukkah season and the Rose family is so fragrantly Jewish) the clan clearly represents the ancient Jewish narrative: The rug may have been ripped out from under us but through a bit of luck and grit (and of course being able to pass for white) we are able to scratch our way back up to success. 

There is absolutely no way I could do this remarkable season justice in just one blog so do yourself a favor and book a couple hours to get to know this charming family. This seriously is one of the best shows on television.  I literally love every single second of this show but perhaps my favorite story arc of season four was the intricacies of David’s first serious relationship. A squeamish, late blooming gay man who is so clearly new to love is just so darn relatable to my own personality. I can’t help but consider his screen time a bit of accidental humor therapy, if you will. All that being said, please don’t let my narcissism color your opinion of this lovely comedy couple. I’ll let you decide for yourself..

David's personality is best represented by his clear fear of love. His perpetual dramatics coupled with his tremendous mistrust of emotions (both his own and others) make for incredibly finicky antics resulting in a charming, highly relatable character. Particularly to humans  like me, who believe alcohol and drug use (recreational and otherwise) are a logical coping mechanism as opposed to others who believe in such insanity as emoting.

All that being said, the underlying story of season four is the evolution of the Rose's and as such, David's entrance into "real humanity" (beyond that previous silver-spoon reality-show-type existence in which he and his brood once lived) is coming to terms with being a healthy part of a couple.. The comical struggle here is nothing short of perfection. 

I probably could tell you every single amazing line he utters this season but I just won’t and instead here are a few stand out moments, most of which feature just how lovable an emotionally stunted narcissist can actually be. But, in the words of LaVar Burton, “You don’t have to take my word for it...”

To start, how about that time when Patrick comes clean that the kiss he shared with David at the end of season three was his first with a man, David admits that this kiss was a bit of a big deal on his end as well...

"This was first time I kissed someone I respected and thought was nice." 

(Just an FYI in case you were unclear, this is an ADULT man in his 30's!)

Or better yet, when Patrick and Stevie gang up on David for refusing to ever compromise and he points out that just last week he let Patrick choose the movie they watched:

Patrick: "You let me choose between two Sandra Bullock vehicles!"

To which David must assent that he in fact does suck at compromise, "Like Beyonce I excel as a solo artist and I was dressed by my mom well into my teens..." 

No matter, David stands by the fact that toilet plungers at the front of the store is clearly incorrect! (to which I say duh) leading to a tirade from David of everything he hasn’t yet mentioned that Patrick is doing horrible wrong, including his shoes. And while you, a healthy person who has had a few functional relationships may stop me here and say, “Sylv, this is a good time for Patrick to run for the hills,” I shake me head and say this is just the beginning of their true love! “But how?” you ask. Well by way of the put down David also refers to Patrick as his boyfriend. Both men are so thrown by this intentionally rude but also beautifully uninhibited step forward that they make out instead of continuing to argue. 

Now that’s romance!

And then there was that time when in an effort to beef up business at Rose Apothecary Patrick suggests hosting an open mic night. David responds to the very thought just as I would; with fabulous snobbery.

David: "I'm openly ill!"

Patrick insists it will help business and asks what's the worst that could happen? 

David: "The worst case scenario is I watch improv."

When Patrick moves forward with the idea anyhow (while also sharing his plan to perform at said mic) David's attitude shifts from negative to openly panicked. It is in this moment he says what I might argue to be the best line I heard in television in all of 2018: 

Voice dripping of sarcasm he states: "It's not scary or embarrassing to have the person you're dating sing at you with an acoustic guitar in front of people."

His fears are only exacerbated when Patrick reveals he will in fact be performing an original song! 

Yes David, I agree totally gross.

Patrick who is, in fact the perfect boyfriend for a man like David takes this rudeness in stride. “How so?” You ask. Well, continuing to trigger David's (clearly justified) nerves, of course. 

During the actual event David does what any sensible person would do, he drinks all the alcohol and hides in the corner with his mother (it’s easy to fade into the ether next to Moira, a notorious narcissist who fancies herself a famous actress). 

Mommy Dearest commiserates with her son’s crippling fears, "You are awfully brave allowing your beau to indulge like this."

 A woman of action, she offers to pull the fire alarm. And just as things seem to be taking a dark turn Patrick starts to perform and he is so unassumingly, wonderfully talented that the mood immediately shifts. David approaches the front of the crowd trying not to cry and Moira, unusually awed by a performance from someone other than herself, tells the Schitts: "My boy is being serenaded by his butter voiced beau." 

It is a wonderful call for hope (as it pertains to love). A novel idea, sure, but I'll stick with skepticism. Which, bear with me, might not be such a terrible idea as things really come to a head for the Rose children and their emotions in the barbecue episode. 

In what could be construed as a typical midseason trope, we find a complicated love conundrum as  David's struggle to accept requited love and Alexis' attempts to gracefully navigate the unrequited variety inadvertently collide. 

This episode flawlessly exemplifies exactly why opening your heart is just so freaking terrifying. From the terribly embarrassing (but sweet, I guess) enormous cookie frosted with the words “4 Months”, which is delivered to David in front of his entire family (I would probably literally die) to the family barbecue John decides to throw to celebrate his son's longest relationship ever, David’s ability to contain his disgust is bordering on non existent. 

Obviously, he rejects the very thought of the party, "I can't bring Patrick to a group of carnies eating burned meat," he nearly shrieks. To which our wise  matriarch calls out her son's pattern of rejection just as any mother would.

She warns,"You allowed your other relationships to prematurely oxidize because you can't embrace joy.”

That might be some sage motherly advice for us all to ruminate on in the new year. Thanks, Moira!

Anyhow, when David goes to chew out Patrick for the over the top cookie he is dissuaded from his attempts to skip over the very normal “four month anniversary” altogether by Patrick's suggestion of a date at "The Julia Stiles-athon" at the drive in.

                                              !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mention this not because it really drives our plot or even any of my points but instead because I am just so thrilled by the very thought! Which I suppose does drive my point a bit after all; David and I might be the same person. Turns out even my mom is starting to come to terms with the fact that I might be a big gay man stuck in a woman’s tiny body.  

But back to the story at hand, Moira does eventually convince David to go through with the barbecue, pointing out that Patrick sees her son for all that he is.

"Let us celebrate that. And he's bringing his guitar." 

Even a narcissistic mother can appreciate what a special thing it is to be loved this way.

And so David reluctantly relents and agrees to the grilled meat party, "but I draw the line at a sing along!"

Happily ever after, right? 

Not so fast!

Here we are presented with said plot twist, when iIn a painful merging of storylines, Alexis's character development into humility and acceptance of her love of Ted as wholly unrequited manages to muck up David's struggle to accept both himself and more importantly his worthiness of others emotional attachment.

This surprise turn is too important and slightly too complicated for me to regale you with the details but suffice to say it doesn't end well and ultimately David runs out on both the barbecue and Patrick.

Irate he chastises Patrick for encouraging him to trust love."Not trusting people is my comfort zone." 

Amen brother.

As the season continues we follow the conflict of these two (wonderfully incompetent) men’s struggle as they work to finesse their way into a functional  relationship. This quest also leads to lovely and hilarious moments of equally incompetent support from David’s loved ones

In spite (or maybe because) of the cultivated cliches of these moments we watch David's growth include the acknowledgement of the platonic love which has so sweetly grown between himself and Stevie. At the tail end of a horrific vacation, the two share a food poisoning induced moment inside a very cheesy spa. 

"Historically speaking the more I revealed of myself the less interested people got," David admits.

As she tries to persuade David that Patrick just isn't that type of person she adds "And I still like you."

"I think you're like my best friend" he tells her.

It is then they both realize neither of them have ever actually had a best friend before.

"This would be a really sweet moment if it weren't so sad." He says as she dashes back to the loo.

I'll save myself the trouble and the inevitable nail biting spoilers by not revealing David’s (and the rest of the Rose family's) other fabulous self-deprecating and equally vain, neurotic one liners but suffice to say every single moment this season is amazingly quote-worthy. 

From a dating app named Bumpkin (an online social hub for rural singles) to a baby sprinkle ("that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard”) watching the Roses claw their way to dignity year after year is a true delight. 

Thank you for your service Canada.

[back-alley-magic]

The Renegade

Powers: Not much is known about him. He's mostly regarded as irresponsible, selfish, and unprincipled, a young hedge witch with wasted talent. If the rumors are true, he has a pair of Seven League Boots, a silver chain inscribed with gold and ash, and a knife carved of ivory. Those who know him say he is rather talented with blood magic, but practices a variety of highly symbolic magics (with varying degrees of success). These symbolic magics require substitution of items with those that are logically or emotionally connected to another object, such as lighting a log on fire by holding a piece of coal. This takes a strong physical toll the larger the logical leap.

He was the one to introduce the New Initiate to the world of magic, though he is afraid of getting them involved now that he is being hunted for The Stone.

Faction: Hedge Witches

FC: Dane Dehaan

Name: Lysander Crane (true name unknown)

Any other titles, nicknames, or epithets: The Thaumaturge, though no one actually calls him that. More often he's called Prick, ***hole, or some other choice four letter words. And now, he's The Keeper of the Stone, or simply the Keeper.

Age: 24

Personality:

+creative

+moral...ish, at least in principle. In practice he is more than willing to bend and break rules for what he views as the right cause. And yes, his own benefit does count as a "right cause."

+thinks better on his feet. If he's given too much time to plan he begins to second-guess and overthink

+intelligent, though he tends not to apply himself

+surprisingly disciplined about learning new things when he really cares about them.

+surprisingly accepting of others' flaws

+logical, though this logic is internal and can seem erratic to others

+/-dramatic

+/-headstrong

+/-dark sense of humor

+/-blunt when he shouldn't be and cryptic when it's very inconvenient 

+/-obsessive over small tidbits of information and completely oblivious to other (usually more important) facts

+/sarcastic

+/-self-indulgent

+/independent

+/-thrill seeker

+/-provocative

-pretentious

-disloyal

-cynical

-addictive personality

-aimless

-easily bored, and often turns to dangerous distractions

-selfish

-flippant

-chaotic

-self-destructive

-can be childishly spiteful, the "I'll hold my breath until I pass out, that'll show you" kind of vindictiveness

-irresponsible

Powers, weapons, and skills:

highly symbolic magic. His catch-all conduit is blood, for the sheer power it provides. But he tends to mix this raw energy with more targeted magic. His workings are usually very complex (some would say purely convoluted) and highly dramatic. Mostly it seems he wants to impress himself with crackpot, improbable, but often strangely beautiful magic when a simpler but humbler thing would do the trick. 

Since magic draws on connections and symbols it helps to have a powerful internal logic. He's good at quick-thinking and rushed spells, whereas most witches fall back on prior planning to ensure success. This makes his magic seem very fluid and organic, but also unpredictable. 

His magic deals mostly with change, usually in objects, and perception. He calls it his magical word games. In reality it's connecting a current reality with a desired outcome by making a series of logical leaps, folding and shifting reality until it meets that outcome, like magical origami. This magic is extremely energy-consuming so in his day-to-day magical life he usually uses a few pre-made magical objects. 

These pre-made magical items include a very worn pair of leather boots which, thanks to the sigils on their soles, allows him to move at incredible speeds. These seven league boots don't come without their dangers though. Operating them isn't as easy as simply walking. Without a careful input of energy proportional to the speed and distance you'd like to travel, you could end up literally walking your soul faster than your body. 

Lysander also has a knife carved from mammoth ivory which he uses for his blood magic. He found it deep in one of the underground tunnels, buried in a forgotten barrow. He may not know it yet, but it was buried for a reason, and the more he uses it, the more strange coincidences start happening around it. It does help focus his magic though, so he'll keep using it despite the random occurrences that spark around it. 

He also has a silver chain inscribed with gold and ash. As yet, he hasn't figured out what it does. But that won't stop him from wearing it. In the very least, the silver gives him some modicum of protection against fae.

Weaknesses:

Not very good at explaining himself. He prides himself on that fact, but it can be a big weakness when trying to work with others

extremely self-destructive, addictive, thrill-seeking behavior.

Hell-bent on doing things his way or not at all

Puts more raw energy into magic than is necessary. He's generally regarded (among those who know him in the magical community) as a waste of talent. Everyone assumes he'll burn himself out before he does anything worthwhile, and it seems he's determined to show just how quickly he can prove them right.

Gets bogged down with his own logic and the theoretical side of his actions when given time to plan. When he's working on the fly things come easier to him because he doesn't have time to overthink

Generally comes off as a rude, pretentious little s*** who cares only about himself and is hell to work with

Likes:

puzzles and logic problems

the sound of bells and tinkling jewelry (he wears a lot of bracelets and charms, only some of which are magical)

beautiful solutions (though not necessarily simple ones)

neon lights

deep pounding music

maybe experiments with hallucinogenic compounds more than he should

new experiences

staying one step ahead

confusing others

letting others know he knows they're confused

other curious individuals

taking notes on random scraps of paper

experimenting with....everything

frustrating authority figures

surprising turns of events

heights

theoretical mathematics

making then breaking things then making them into something new (with mixed results)

Morrow (especially the twisting maze-like streets and the underground tunnels)

the more theoretical side of magic (he isn't here for practical magic)

getting swept up in a moment

Dislikes:

not good at making sure he eats regularly and doesn't really care about food (he smokes more than he eats and jokes that he has a liquid diet consisting mostly of vodka)

coming down from a high (whether emotional or otherwise)

that look of disappointment in authority figures' eyes (he reflexively fights back with biting sarcasm and even more outlandish behavior)

his family

stifling regulation, especially from the witches proper, who he thinks act superior to hedge witches without good cause. He sees them as one-trick ponies who have closed themselves off to some of the most beautiful (though maybe more unorthodox) forms of magic

people trying to organize his things (it's a physical representation of his thought process and isn't very linear. But he knows exactly where everything is in the chaos, he swears)

the finer points of emotional interactions with people (he tends to interact with others in over-the-top, off-puttingly extreme shows of emotion or no emotion at all. Complex nuances of relationships are beyond his logic, and therefore very tough for him to understand)

people who refuse to innovate and experiment

water and swimming, he's terribly afraid of drowning

boredom

Short bio: As with all those who sink into the murky waters of hedge magic, Lysander gave up his old life and drowned the boy he was. It seemed an easy price to pay for the ability to grab the fabric of reality and tear it to shreds, and oddly satisfying to murder everything his family made him. Who he was before is shrouded in mystery. But a few close to him (and that is a very, very few) know he studied theoretical mathematics somewhere before finding his way to Morrow. Even those who haven't heard his fragmented, sparse telling of his past can recognize the pedantic, vaguely disdainful drawl of an academic when he discusses his craft. His horrible, gaudy tastes also hint at squandered wealth. It takes good money to look that cheap. The flippant disregard for the finer points of surviving (like the necessity of a job or even the basics of housekeeping) also hints at an upbringing as another spoiled, pampered child hell-bent on a downward spiral. No, that past is nothing but a murky shadow, his true name nothing more than an echo. He was truly born, as he'll tell you on a good day or from the bottom of a bottle (which, all in all are often the same), in a dark alley in the warehouse district, blood dripping from his chin and fury burning in his throat. His blood hit the cracked pavement of Morrow and, whether he knew it or not, it was his first offering. The ley lines of Morrow focused all his anger, all his pain, and left nothing but two vaguely-human singe marks on the alley walls. A better man would have been horrified, running far away from that power. And a lesser man would have been devoured by it. But Lysander is none of those, lost maybe, unprincipled sure, unfocused definitely. But he is no hero, and he is no villain. It's true, he hasn't killed since. But most agree using reality-shattering magic fed from your own life-blood to perform petty party tricks is not the most responsible path. But Lysander doesn't care. What matters is learning, knowing, searching. And it appears that searching has provided more questions than answers.

Life in Morrow: Those familiar with the party scene in Morrow have probably seen Lysander. He appears to be nocturnal, though that may just be a product of nights that leave him in hungover stupors more often than not. He isn't exactly a "productive member of society," spending most daylight hours holed up in his grimy apartment/laboratory (which in all reality is an abandoned warehouse full of mismatch furniture, dirty beakers full of who-knows-what, an entire wall covered in chalk markings, and haphazard stacks of books) fiddling with his powers. Every so often a question catches hold of him and he can be found rummaging through the university library. No one knows how exactly he gets in. Maybe he knows someone, or maybe he just jimmies the fire escape lock. In any case, his daylight appearances are few and far between. Most of his time not spent downing whatever alcohol he can get his hands on or trying to break the laws of physics is spent exploring the subways, sewers, and tunnels under Morrow's streets. His apartment has a small cellar with a few precious treasures and a staircase that descends down into the veins of the city. While he prefers to explore alone, he has been known to venture out with a few trusted acquaintances on occasion. No one really knows how Lysander survives. He doesn't seem to take in any money, though perhaps he has no need for it. He doesn't even have a kitchen, and most of his food comes from the few friends he has leaving leftover Chinese or a few cold slices of pizza on his desk. In all, it's a rather lonely existence, surrounded and consumed by his studies and drowning in his vices. While he doesn't go out in search of company, he doesn't turn it away when it finds its way to his doorstep, often desperate, frightened, and in need of help. It takes a /very/ peculiar sort of desperation to rely on Lysnder Crane for help, but surprisingly enough, he never refuses.

Why do they want the Stone? Right now he's doing his best not to get murdered in an alley for it. He's also trying to figure out how to get it to work (equally, if not more dangerous). In the long-run, many people are worried he'll use it for his own magic. Anyte Vale is the only one who believes he actually knows what he's doing with it.

Greatest wish? To make something truly beautiful.

Greatest fear? Losing his magic. Life was boring and pointless before, and now it's the only thing that makes sense. Also, that feeling of power is hella addictive.

What 5 items would you put in a pentagram to summon them? a bottle of cheap vodka, a pair of expensive leather shoes, a half-empty pack of cigarettes, chalk, a broken shot glass (the two biggest things to know about Lysander: he's always wasted, and always dramatic)