#yesterday emotional vulnerability was not an option

[needlxd]

@bytepire: "maybe it's not okay right now. maybe it won't be for a while. whichever it is, i won't leave you."

when it gets hard || sentence starters.

there's a mix of uncertainty and wonder to k's optical display. her head even tilts to one side, &for a few moments she studies the other, as if trying to find any sign of deceit in either her actions or tone. not that she really expects that sort of thing out of uzi. she has n's rather complete trust, after all, and k trusts n entirely. which has earned her more than her fair share of lectures & unpleasant retaliations from j & even v at times, but not once has that trust wavered. which simply means she places her trust & faith in uzi as well.

still, hearing that she won't be left alone? that's a shock to the system, no matter who it comes from.

« i'm not leaving either. » it takes a few moments to get her bearings again, but k is able to make her signs confidently once she does. « i'm tired of... losing people, anyway. i'm sick of it, & everything the humans have done. so... i'm not leaving anyone behind again. that includes you― so don't you dare go counting yourself out from being one of us now. »

[hees-mine]

DESTROYED - L. HEESEUNG

Pairing: heeseung ⚥ reader

Warnings: bullying, violence, crying, cursing, mentions of smut, filler chap, barely edited.

Genre: 18+, smut, minors dni!

WC: 1,992k

⟱⟱⟱

About a week had passed after you so willingly let heeseung defile and destroy your precious body.

You felt dirty, you felt used, you felt disgusted with yourself.

But though all the above was true, the feeling you felt the strongest was confusion.

You were confused with the way he treated you.

You’re aware he doesn’t know you, but not even a stranger treats someone the way he treats you.

He used your body for his own pleasure and personal gain and just left you with no ounce of remorse or care.

And you wanted to know why.

You’ve never done anything to him, so why was it so easy for him to treat you like yesterday’s garbage and walk away without so much as even an apology?

All he did was threaten you and leave you there to help yourself.

You felt like you deserved an explanation from him after he took your innocence away from you. That’s the absolute least he could do for you.

You know he told you to never look at him or call him again but right now that didn’t feel like an option for you you were going to get the answers and the closure you needed from him even if you were going against what he told you.

You’ve had a crush on him for too long not to at least know why he doesn’t like you back and why he thought it was okay to walk away from you in your most vulnerable state.

You were determined to talk to him today once you entered the school building but that changed the instant you go there.

Sharing the same class with him wasn’t easy this past week even the sight of his back intimidated but you did your best to focus on anything except him cause he took up enough of your late night thoughts already.

The one time your eyes shifted from your teacher just so happened to be at the same time that he looked up from his notepad his stare was cold as ice his jaw clenched tightly with what you would assumed to be was anger and you quickly lowered your head to focus on anything else besides his agitated face.

Your heart raced in your chest, and you couldn’t believe that just a single look from him could evoke so many emotions in you.

Whether you liked it or not, you still had a soft spot for him even after everything he did to you, and that, on top of feeling sad and hurt, was the worst mix of emotions combined.

For the rest of the day, you did your best to ignore thoughts of heeseung, and you were doing excellent, surprisingly.

You had exited the school building, and you were on your way home. You decided not to bring up last week to heeseung, at least not today. You weren’t quite ready yet, especially after the way he glared at you in class. You wanted to take your time to calm your emotions and get all your thoughts together before you had that conversation with him.

You clutched the straps of your backpack walking in the opposite directions of all the other students you took the back way instead cause it was always a few minutes faster less people were back there but you never sensed any real danger you’d been taking this route for years and so far you were incident free.

But for the first time, you did feel a sense of danger or at least fear as you were pushed against the base of a tree in the middle of the woods. You tried to scream, but your mouth was immediately covered by a large palm. “What the fuck did I say?” Heeseung was now towering over you, his jaw clenched tightly the same way it was back in the class you shared with him.

Your screams were muffled by his hand, and no one was even close in the distance to help you.

You tried to push his hand off, but he was far stronger than you, and it was no use. You quickly lost all your energy, so you gave up trying to fight him. Despite the fear rushing through your body, you just didn’t have the strength to match his and fight back.

“You think I was lying when I said next time wouldn’t be like before?” Your eyes were flashing back and forth, looking in his to see some ounce of remorse or guilt, but you found nothing but pure rage in his eyes.

You shook your head no immediately, but he kept his hand still, so you couldn’t say a word.

“Then why did I catch you staring at me again when I specifically told you not to?” He uncovered your mouth, finally giving you a chance to speak, and instead of answering his question, you tried to scream for help.

“HELP!” Your first cry for help was your last cause. You were left speechless when a harsh slap landed against your cheek, the sting causing tears to well in your eyes.

“Shut the fuck up. You asked for this.” he pinned you against the tree by your arms as your eyes shook in fear.

“Pleas-“ Even your pleas fell on deaf ears as he slammed you against the tree, knocking the wind out of you.

You whimpered from the painful impact, and not even then did he stop.

“Don’t say please now you had this coming,” he seethed and slammed you against the tree again, his fingertips painfully digging into your shoulders as he gripped you tightly.

“Hee-“ your words got caught in your throat as his hands wrapped around your neck, cutting off your air supply.

“Fucking hate when you say my name. I fucking hate you” he wrapped his hands around the entirety of your neck, squeezing until your airways were completely blocked off.

You kicked and clawed, trying your best to free yourself, but again, the struggle made you lose your strength even faster, and before you knew it, your vision was going black.

You grabbed at his arms, trying to gouge into his flesh so he would let you go, but the thick material of his blazer made it impossible for you to penetrate his skin, and now you were absolutely defenseless.

Right before you blacked, he released you, and you fell to the ground, choking and gasping for air as you trembled in fear, not daring to look up at him or yell for help.

He gathered a ball of saliva in his mouth and spat on you, neglecting your barely conscious body.

Just when you thought he would leave you alone like he did back in that classroom, he gripped your collar and yanked you up off the ground. “Let this be a reminder to keep your eyes off me,” he gritted through his teeth and threw you to the ground before he walked away, finally leaving you helpless in the woods.

You stood up on wobbly legs, your knees full of dirt and small cuts. Tears stained your cheeks as you lifelessly limped through the woods.

And after that incident, you didn’t care about anything; you didn’t care about getting closure; you didn’t care about why he did what he did to you.

You just know not to get involved with him anymore because it always ends with you feeling hurt and sad.

-

The next day, you did absolutely everything in your power to avoid Lee heeseung.

You didn’t dare walk in his direction and you kept your eyes glued to the ground you even skipped the one class you had with him just so you wouldn’t accidentally make eye contact with him and upset him further than you already had.

You hugged the lockers in the hallways, always making way for him to come through, scared of what he might do to you if you ever crossed him again. You even left school late just to make sure he was gone so you wouldn’t have an accidental run-in with him.

Heeseung smirked when he saw you avoiding him.

So you’ve learned your lesson, he thought.

You should have known better than to go against his words to begin with.

If you had listened, your neck wouldn’t be bruised with his handprints, and you wouldn’t be wandering around with your head down like a meek little mouse if you had just left him alone and stayed the fuck out of his business, but maybe now your stupid little pea brain can comprehend to keep your eyes to yourself.

Maybe now you can understand he wants nothing to do with you.

-

Every day since that day he assaulted you in the woods, you always took the long way home, and you always watched your back just in case you did something that day to offend Lee heeseung.

You know, It didn’t much matter now after all the horrid things he’s done to you.

But to this day, you are still confused by him.

His exterior would never lead you to believe that he was the kind of person he is.

The kind of person that could so easily tear someone down.

Even as you dressed your wounds when you went home the day he nearly choked you unconscious, you still couldn’t believe it was actually done by his hands.

You didn’t want to believe it was him who did it.

One of the things that drew you to him in the first place was how good of a student he was he got the top grade every time.

He was always well-mannered. He didn’t have friends, but he was exceptionally nice to his teachers.

His outfit was always prim and proper, perfectly ironed and ready for any occasion.

And even past his physical appearance and personality, there was just something mysterious about him that drew you to him.

He was quiet and well reserved which was odd cause with a face like his it seemed like he’d be the popular kid and surrounded by a bunch of people but that’s just the thing he wasn’t and you think that’s what made him attractive to you.

He was smart, nice, good looking, and he didn’t have that typical cocky jock attitude that all the good-looking guys had in your school.

Maybe that should have sent off some alarms in your head, but it didn’t.

Although you should have known something was wrong because, honestly speaking, he was too good to be true.

Thinking about it now maybe it would have been better if he had taken on that persona cause to see the person he really is was something you couldn’t have ever imagined.

You’d take the cocky jock over the handsome harasser any day.

Even as time passed, what he did to you just didn’t feel real, maybe cause you wanted him to be different, maybe cause in your mind, you thought that you and him would live happily ever after.

Alas, that wasn’t the case. The reality was that he was just another bad person walking amongst many, and your luck happened to be the worst cause. Why, out of everyone, did you have to be attracted to Lee heeseung?

If you had never liked him, none of this would have happened.

You scold yourself for even thinking that you were to blame in this situation but that’s just how messed up you were after everything that happened.

You could go down the rabbit hole all day of the endless possibilities in a world where heeseung didn’t defile your body, in a world where he didn’t harm you.

But the truth is he did, and now you have to live with the uncomfortable consequences and seeing his face every day for the rest of your school year.

All thanks to Lee Heeseung, your year-long crush, your life was destroyed.

⟱⟱⟱

Thanks for reading please reblog and leave feedback.

[dearweirdme]

I'm probably in the minority but I give big kudos to NJ for speaking up for themselves. I can't help but think this was their plan so that hybe terminates their contracts and they don't have to pay any fees. Everyone is comparing this to fifty fifty, but NJ have an established fandom and they'll be fine if they leave hybe

Hi anon!

My initial thoughts yesterday was that this was going to end their careers.. which is why i felt it was the wrong move for them. I’ve thought about this situation a lot though, and I kinda shifted a bit in how I feel about this.

(Short disclaimer, My thoughts very much depend on whether this was actually their own choice and not something pushed upon them. I’m gonna assume this was their own decision for now, but I would also not be surprised to find out this was something they were pushed into).

I thought about what I would advise them to do.. and I kinda came out on a blank. I don’t know what their best option is, because from what I see all options suck. On the one hand there’s Hybe which sucks. I have no doubts that Hybe handles them poorly. I think Hybe has handled BTS poorly and they just want to control everything. I suspect they now try to push NJ’s into immediately complying to this new situation with a new team and whatnot, without taking into account that these are young girls who have just gone through a period of going from feeling they are going to accomplish big things to seeing everything fall apart in front of them. In top off that, NJ’s feel helpless, powerless, and unheard. Nj’s has to stand by and watch their private information be spread and their projects be affected. They are at an age when things like what they go through right now all feel personal and emotional and I think they haven’t yet learned how to see things from a business perspective. They are vulnerable and are not protected at all at this moment.

On the other hand, there’s Min Heejin. What I have a hard time digesting is how they feel so unable to go on without her. These are talented girls, they deserve a big career and I feel as though Min Heejin has put herself and her influence above NJ’s themselves. I understand very well that they feel save with her and that they want her back, but there is no reasonable expectation for that to happen.. so I think the part I feel is unwise for them to have said is that they want Min Heejin to be reinstalled. There is no way Hybe will do that.. and i think that is justified because it does seem like she did things that go against contracts. I don’t know if NJ’s actually thinks there’s a chance of their wishes to be met, but if that is what they really think it is very uninformed and people should have made that clear to them. MHj herself probably knows that she won’t be going back.

But, I do think there’s a lot to be said for them speaking up for themselves. It is brave. Wether it is wise is to be seen, because I do feel there’s a huge chance that this will cost them their careers. We do need people to speak up when things are unfair and when they are treated poorly and taken advantage of though. If NJ’s have reason to believe their career with Hybe will go nowhere anyway (being shelved or put on hiatus) than why not take this opportunity to speak up? They are brave for doing so and shining a light on how bad things are.

I fear for these girls, but I very much have my fingers crossed for them. I do hope this was part of a plan for them to get out, I don’t know if it’s actually going to be this easy.. there’s probably all sorts of clauses in their contracts preventing artists from getting out and moving on to better options this easily.

All in all I feel we have too little insight on what NJ’s options are to speak on this clearly. I feel they very much lack adults who actually have their best interests in mind.

[yujo-nishimura]

The Escape - Part 33

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25 - Part 26 - Part 27 - Part 28 - Part 29 - Part 30 - Part 31 - Part 32

The next day, you follow the same routine, rising early and preparing yourself with makeup and a different dress from your closet. Fueled by newfound energy and determination, you tackle the task of tidying up your room. Retrieving the shredded skirt from yesterday, you secretly tuck it beneath the bed, and you gather the scattered books, returning them to their rightful place on the shelf. Crocodile was not allowed to find out about your breakdown last night.

If only you could open the window to let in some fresh air. As usual, Crocodile enters your room with your breakfast, no extra tray for himself, but he remains by your side at the breakfast table.

"This outfit suits you well!" he breaks the silence, his observation directed at your choice of attire—a light pink fabric today.

"Thank you. It's challenging to select something nice from my wardrobe. I have so many options..." you reply, doing your best to push aside thoughts of the torn fabric hidden beneath your bed and summoning every ounce of strength to put on a smile.

"Well, I've been thinking about your request, and I've come to the conclusion that it wouldn't be a terrible idea to take you out into town," Crocodile announces. Instantly, a glimmer of hope illuminates your thoughts, and you lean forward, peering closely at him.

"Really? I'd be incredibly grateful. I'm practically dying of boredom and loneliness here. Will you take me with you?"

You notice the satisfaction in his expression as he chuckles, clearly pleased with your reaction. "I suppose it wouldn't do any harm. Just remember, no funny business. You belong to me now," he warns, his tone laced with a mix of authority and anticipation.

Seizing the moment, you rise from your chair and approach him. His eyes widen, anticipation evident as you lean over, placing both hands on the back of his chair. The scent of his cigar, mingled with his own musky aroma and the dryness of sand, fills your senses. A thought of Buggy briefly crosses your mind as you whisper, almost inaudibly, "Of course, I am yours now..."

You observe the desire flickering in his eyes, his hesitation apparent. The formidable warlord Crocodile seems to melt under the weight of your words. In that moment, you realize that you may have discovered his vulnerability, and you also begin to understand why he brought you along—perhaps he held some sort of affection for you.

Determined to maintain control and continue teasing him, knowing it is your only means of escape, you straighten up, ensuring he gets another good look at your body. Standing tall, you exude confidence, smiling at him.

You smoothly turn around and resume eating your breakfast, acting as if nothing had happened. You notice a faint blush on Crocodile's cheeks, but he quickly regained his composure, pretending as though the moment never happened.

This behavior is something you've come to understand during your time with the Snowland pirates. The more powerful the man, the harder it is for them to connect with their emotions. Both Buggy and Crocodile were the type of individuals who solved problems through violence and dominance. However, when love and desire overwhelmed them, they reverted to vulnerable and inexperienced boys. You realized that fighting against these men would be no use. Despite feeling repulsed and humiliated by Crocodile, you knew that playing along was your only chance of escape.

Crocodile eventually leaves your side, promising to return around noon to pick you up for a walk through town. The time until then feels endless, and you keep the small piece of paper you had written on yesterday safely tucked in your pocket.

Finally, the door opens again, and Crocodile stands outside, gesturing for you to join him. You had eagerly awaited this moment all morning, but your excitement gradually transforms into disappointment as you see that he is not alone. With a sense of horror, you take in the sight of Mr. 3, the wax man, standing beside Crocodile, along with a woman possessing beautiful blue eyes and long dark hair. You had hoped he would come alone, but it seems he has brought backup. You should have anticipated that he still had difficulty trusting you, but with three people present, escape now seems nearly impossible. All you can rely on is your damn luck.

[emblazons]

Emblazons' Stranger Things Commentary Masterpost

I've been asked to make one of these for eons and I wanted something to link in my bio so! Here is a working list of analyses / commentaries I've got on this blog, put in one place ✨ I will be adding to it regularly as I parse through all my own posts, but—its a start.

**July note: the option to rb is removed as I update this. the full range of any and all commentary I've made exists under the #my st commentary tag.

Highlights:

Mike Wheeler, El Hopper & The "Born Sexy Yesterday" Trope

Mike & Will's Intertwined "3 Season" Arcs

Narrative Analyses

Mike & Will's Intertwined "3 Season" Arcs

Mike Wheeler (forced conformity focus)

Will Byers (S3 onward ft. cast comments)

Nancy Wheeler

Jonathan Byers

Dustin Henderson (relationship centric)

Parallels Analyses

Steve, Nancy, Mike & El: Relational Parallels

Stncy, Mlvn & the Spills That Broke the fantasy

Nancy & Mike: Grieving Barb & Grieving Eleven

"Pretty" Is Not Romantic (El + Mike/Hopper Parallels)

Character Analyses

Mike, Insecurity, & the importance of "a girl"

It Makes More Narrative Sense for Mike to be Gay

Mike's Relational/Emotional Failings are Inherent to his Arc

El Hopper Character Overview

El's Refusal to be vulnerable with Mike (S4)

El Character Trait Commentary

Thematic Parallel Analyses

Why an "I love You" won't save you in ST

Steve, Mike & the search for "any" girl

Wheelers & their "forced conformity" outfits

Outside the Realm: Byler and "Together" v El and "Home" (S2)

Storytelling by The Duffers

ST & "Romance" (as a concept)

Byler/El's separate arcs (ep structure)

The Lost Sister Commentary

You were supposed to feel like you 'lost' after Season 4

Cinematography + Technical Analyses

Added Flames / Messy Shots for the Mlvn Reunion (S4)

Eleven, "pretty," and her desire for normalcy (S1)

Eleven's response to Mike after being bullied (S4)

Jonathan being "open" to Byler / Will being Gay (S4)

Mike being out with girls...and in with boys (S2 - S4)

Queer Love is Told with Looks in Stranger Things (S3 - S4)

Actor Commentary

Finn Wolfhard Acting Parallels: Telling Lies

Finn Wolfhard Acting Parallels: Falling in Love

Millie Bobby Brown Acting Parallels: Rejecting (Male) Influences

Millie Bobby Brown's Changing Opinion on Mlvn

General Commentary

The Duffers & Show versus Tell

Why I don't understand "Duffer Doubt"

Re: The Duffers being "straight white guys" writing queer stories

ST & well-written modern TV

Why people expect ST to be written (poorly) like other shows

Can we have objective commentary about Byler?

Audience "Media Literacy" and Understanding Subtext Re: Byler

Why Bylers tend to like/want to relate to Will more than Mike

Does Stranger Things have "copaganda?"

[drowninginthoughts27]

11/10 (late: 7/11) Ghost Word Count: 500

(greif, discussion of death) @jegulus-microfic

Regulus hates the colder months. 

The months he used to favor now tainted by the events of life. The leaves no longer provide a satisfying crunch beneath his feet and the snow no longer glistens like cut diamonds the way it used to. Everything around him is dull, a reminder of what in his life is missing. Leaving him feeling empty and vulnerable. Exposed to every emotion known to man and at the same time none at all, numb to the bone. For the pain is not a subtle ache like they said it would soon grow to be. Instead it only gets deeper and deeper, as the harsh knife of grief guts him slowly; a never ending torture. 

With the arrival of the colder months Regulus is plunged deeper and deeper into his never ending misery. The time of year entails long sleepless nights dwelling on the past. The loneliness of the inability to enjoy the things that he once did. And worst of all less and less time with the sun. The only thing left he has of the other man. The only reminder that Regulus isn’t completely crazy, that this man once did exist beyond a spiritual level. That he once walked the earth loving Regulus wholeheartedly and promising to do everything in his power for him. 

Because this man was not just a ray of sunlight he was the entire sun, outshining every other star in the sky. Impacting everything around him with his positive light. And now that he’s gone Regulus doesn’t know how people continue to function, to move about there day to day lives. 

In lieu of wallowing in heartache Regulus has debated moving to a place much warmer and sunnier than this. Somewhere where the sun shines all year round. Where it never hides from him. But an invisible force constantly ties him here. All the memories made, the emotions felt, the lessons learned, they all are here. Leaving this place would be leaving them behind, moving on. And thats not something he’s ready to do. Not now and probably not ever. 

People have moved on around him despite how much they care. He knows its not fair for them to stay here and sink with him into the bottomless waters of his sorrows. None the less, he likes the drowning, he doesn’t know of any other option. At least one that could even come close to representing how vast his love was and still is for the other man. How much his life has been altered. How greatly he is affected by this.

To Regulus nothing truly feels real anymore. He’s since lost care in the passing of time. It has no effect on him when he grieves this fully. When his life is only a ghost of something it used to be. Feeling like both an eternity and yesterday all in one, it’s been years since he lost the love of his life. His better half. His sun. His James.

[so-much-nonsense]

because this is life

yest i wanted to kms and today im sitting on my bed struggling to study without getting distracted. this is so funny to me. yest nothing in the whole world mattered. yest i couldnt care less about all this but, today, here i am, giving it so much importance. are we all just lil creatures. if yes why did i have to suffer so much. i dont want to live anymore. it stopped feeling like im living, for myself. i cant exactly tell when. bc few days back i was so happy and thoughtful about amount of emotions i can go through. yest night something just snapped and i sobbed uncontrollably in silence as i laid in my bed covered in sheets in the dark. what are friends and family in these moments? yest i wanted to die and no one were there for me. not even one person i could think of that i could call for some safety net. or even just to talk. my "friends" seem to be busy with their own fucking lives, lives im not a part of. "family" i cant call and worry. "people whod listen to me" i refuse to open upto. what has my life become today. before yesterday my life was so rich. after today if you ask me ill tell you it still is but ill be lying. i should stop opening these apps and checking my messages again and again. fucking not one person is gonna text me or even reply to me. its not vulnerability i am scared of, its misunderstandings. we as smol humans seem to have a lot of these every single day and they ruin lives. ig this is life now. crying in secret. lonely. questioning everything. but ik ill not feel a thing in this blog a time from now. if i still do itd really be the worst life. there is nothing to say anymore. my mind blank but suffering, lost in chaos. sometimes i think i just write all these things because i like writing. but a little later in life i thank myself for having closure. it is so bad that i feel isolated from everyone. i feel like i cannot to talk to anyone. i feel like everyone is going ahead with their life but me. dying is not an option. so idk. also annoying how much importance i can give to people and never get it back. i have never been this person but i think im slowly changing into this person. do i stop caring? idts. bc i think everyone is sad, at least a little bit. so if im there for them in even one of those moments im happy to be. hence i dont find a reason to shut off people. regardless of what they might to(unless theyre horrible things) they are also learning and i would be happy to be there for them. i want to be there for people all the time. i dont understand this urge. maybe because there never was or is anyone for me.

[psychelis-new]

Hii how are you?? I would really need your guidance in a situation happening to me the past year and a half. I'm new to spirituality so I don't know how to properly navigate signs etc

So the situation goes like this. I have a crush on a guy from university since last year. He is really closed off and shy, so naturally I tried to get close to him. I talked to him a couple of times sporadically but it never went anywhere.

The thing is that any time I'm trying to let go, something happens that pulls me back in, like I will have a dream about him and it's mostly about us walking holding hands. I've been seeing 1111 everywhere, his name is mentioned from people in my circle. Yesterday a random man on the street mentioned someone with the same last name as this guy.

I don't know if it's in my head but there is stagnancy to the connection and I need clarity. It feels like I can't move on, like there is a string holding me here but irl I don't see any movement on his behalf. And it's all very confusing to me. Whan do you think ???

Hey, I'm kinda good thanks for asking, hope you are too!

Okay to be entirely honest it doesn't have to be just spiritual stuff here. It could be something psychological too. Don't get me wrong, if you "feel" there's some spiritual connection or a red-string of fate going on and maybe you have found out about it also in readings and pacs, it could be that. Or a mix of the two. I'm not doing readings now, but since it's someone you interacted with, you can come back when I open them and ask again if you want.

Now, leaving the spiritual part on the side for a moment: the fact is that oftentimes we feel attraction towards people that are closed off or hard to reach cause we fear connections or getting too deep or vulnerable with someone. It feels "less risky" especially when it comes to past abandonment experiences we had or a certain type of environment we grew up in. It could also speak about some codependency traits or gaslighting. Idk if any of this may resonate with you or if you even grew up in a family in which even unconsciouly such relationships/situations were going on (this could make them comfortable/known/what you are used to/what you learned you need/deserve, and so you may unconsciously search for similar emotions/situations/plays also in other relationships), but it's an option to consider. Our minds are weirdos, but they do crazy stuff just to keep us safe and in a known zone, even if that known zone is toxic/risky (again not saying it's necessarily your case! I'm just trying to give you/others reading a wider point of view on what I learned may happen inside of us when it comes to love, and how we may unconsciously keep ourselves stuck in the same cycle).

The signs you mentioned are not necessarily (notice I'm not saying "not at all") connected to a spiritual relationship between you two: you may simply notice them more cause this guy runs free in the back of your mind, so you immediately think about him when you hear his name or anything that may be related to him. And this plays with you even more if you're trying to avoid realizing your true intentions/feelings for him but are simply trying to push them away and move away from him and/or the connection. Psychologically speaking, it's like if I told you to not think about the blue elephant. Now all you could see in your mind is a blue elephant and if you saw something blue (even a car passing by), you'd just think about the blue elephant again. The dreams about holding hands could really speak to you about your feelings for him (maybe you feel love for him, maybe you would like a closer/more intimate connection, maybe you'd like them to help you somehow as you may feel subconsciously that they could heal you in some way -maybe your heart just need lots of love, darling. And I do hope you can get it asap, be it from him or anyone else). I'm not interpreting for real here, btw. Just mentioning a few possible meanings. Angel number 1111 doesn't have to always relate to romantic love, it could just signal you're on the right track and that there's a new start on the horizon (which could relate even to you *starting* healing something), or that your angels are near (try to notice what are you thinking about when you see that number too or make an explicit request: eg. "my dear Guide can I see a 1111 -or any other number/word *decide which one so they know*- if me and this guy have a spiritual connection?").

Him not making a move in the connection may be for different reason, but remind yourself you cannot control that. You cannot control him and his reactions or timing, you can only control yourself and your feelings (and you're responsible solely for them, not for what he thinks of you or how he acts with you: please do not make it mean anything about you). And you feeling stagnation and needing to "force" things (it's ofc understandable cause the confusion this brings it's hard to afford) may also point out to you needing something out of this connection that could be subconsciously useful to you (eg. healing, receiving love, feeling worthy of love too and such); again it's very normal and understandable but... at times things (be this something spiritual or not or both) cannot go as we'd like them to, when we'd like them to: not everything happens when we want it to happen: we need to be (both the people, as we're talking about a connection here) ready for it, whether the thing/relationship/situation holds a lesson or it's a reward for us. I think now you're just called to realize your feelings for him, to understand how/why your heart needs love and give it to yourself too. And be patient: if something needs to happen among you two, it will at the right time. Go with the flow: stressing over him and his reason and your connection will just really bring in more useless confusion. Our minds tend to also come in between and create some negative mental pattern or use old triggers to play with us, even when you have spiritual connections (trust me on this) and create delays and blockages. Try to stay as calm as you can, focus on you and anything else. Things will move forward naturally and again if there's a connection you're not going to lose it if you stop thinking about it for a while: you'll just help it develop freely. So yes, understand your feelings and your needs, make your wish about this guy (if this is what you want and is good for you -please do navigate your feelings, and remember you don't have to do it alone if it's too tough), journal about it, take care of/be kind with you and then be patient and trust that you'll receive.

All the best, lovely<3 I'm here if you need.

[penelope1597]

Because I’m obviously still obsessed with these two, on my way to work I was analyzing certain things after yesterday’s back and forth on Reddit over Nick and June.

I still see people annoyed and disgusted over the scene at the bridge. Especially given the fact that he captures her and then she seems to forget all she just went through and goes to him willingly

{Cue the chants of trauma bond 🤮🤮🤮}

In season 3 we see June’s reaction when she finds out about Nick’s involvement in the Crusade. She was shocked, angry, disappointed. I read somewhere someone’s opinion that eventually she realized he had done things that were wrong, just like she had to do but she didn’t know the extent of it. So in a way accepting Nick’s involvement she had to accept her own mistakes and horrible things she’s had to do survive as well. Thinking that the guy you go to freely and that you fell in love with had something to do with your slavery scenario is harsh. That wasn’t really developed and we don’t see them interact again until he captures her in season 4. That’s when they see each other again after June finds out he fought for Gilead.

Now when she sees him come out of the shadows we see a hint of doubt but I saw relief. She was unsure of what was happening but in a second she felt safe? I don’t know how to explain it. And when he tells her I’m trying to keep you alive and slightly touches her she believes him. She doesn’t reach for the gun. She trusts him. But how can she? The last thing she finds out is that he at some point was maybe pro Gilead and he’s here now capturing her. Maybe she thought he had a plan? But with that amount of guards it seemed un real. So she goes willingly. Knowing she will be going back to Gilead. To be tortured.

He tries to save her but he knows she won’t talk. Because she’s stubborn. Even in the van you see how desperate and disgusted he is and how she simply accepts her fate. And she’s tortured. He brought her there. Her friends got killed and they threatened Hannah, and Nick brought her to that. Sounds fucking awful. The other option was her dead because she would’ve reached for that gun in a second. She has been ready to die since season 3.

Cue the bridge, as soon as she sees him she seems content he’s there. After everything she just went through and knowing what she knows because I’m sure he didn’t explain it to her. He didn’t tell her hey I was in the SOJ; and she also knows he knew she was going to be tortured. She goes to him and doesn’t lash out like in season 3 before he tells her he’s going to the front in Chicago. When she’s close to him he’s unsure of what to say, embarrassed disappointed in himself for what happened. He doesn’t know if she’s going to tell him to go fuck himself for putting her through that and he doesn’t know she knows his past. So the first thing he does is reassure her that Hannah is fine. Because it’s what he knows she needs to know, her priority. And then she breaks down because he’s there. Because she only shows emotions with him, her fears her sadness are poured out with him. Because she feels safe being vulnerable with him; she knows he gets it, respects it, embraces it, gives her the space to be weak so that he can give her strength. Even if he’s dying inside because his position has to suck royally. There aren’t many words spoken between them, and then she turns to leave when they realize the van is there to pick her up. You see the disappointment and desperation on his face and his resolve that there’s nothing he can do for her.

And then she runs back to him in a fuck this crap kind of way and he embraces her with that same defiance. Nothing to say but everything is said in that kiss. I love you, I’m sorry, thank you, it’s you and only you, and I don’t care who you were you saved me; we saved each other. It was their moment. After all that shit she still loves him purely and deeply. How? Why can’t people analyze and comprehend this is beyond me.

{NOTHING in this scene hints at trauma bond or that he’s trying one last make out session before he ships her off. He’s taking a risk by being there as well.}

Because she knows he’s a victim of circumstances too. She understood he had to do things, unimaginable things to stay alive and to keep her alive and to survive. She understand what Gilead is and what it does because she’s had to do it too. Because Gilead has taken everything from her just like it’s taken from him. She doesn’t judge him because she fucking knows and understands.

{In this place you hold on to love wherever you find it}

It’s so tragically beautiful.

[ahsk1nk]

Your Little Secret- Kai Anderson X FEM Reader

a/n: I have been writing all yesterday, and I just have to edit, so a lot of stuff is coming out today. I might make this into a series if you guys want it ;)

Summary: Kai finds out your secret, which makes him vulnerable

Warning: angst?, killing, killing mom and child (night of a 100 tates), child abandonment

WC: 1103 

Kai had been planning the Night of 100 Tates for a while now, “So tomorrow night I need you all to remember the ultimate goal! Kill mother AND child! This is our message to the world and we won’t say it quietly!” The room of men shouted back “Divine ruler! Divine ruler!”. They praised him, they loved him, they would sacrifice anything for their divine ruler. Kai was the most manipulative person you had ever met, and although he did terrible things, there was something about the way Kai spoke that could make anyone kneel down and kiss his feet. 

Once you realized his little game, and that this group you were constantly with, was a cult, you made a plan for yourself, a plan to escape. You tried your hardest to seem normal and fine, which included having sex with Kai, as you usually did. But after the news you discovered yesterday, all you could do was cry in your bed for hours. This isn’t how you wanted your life to turn out, everything was now ruined.

That night everyone was stabbing watermelons, and Kai’s chants ‘Kill! Kill! Kill!’ was the background music in the room. Your stomach turned as you thought about all the poor women who were going to lose their baby, you started to visualise how much blood there would be, it just made you sick. You ran to the bathroom upstairs, to vomit, and Kai noticed. 

You held your stomach while your head was in the toilet, you sat there for about 15 minutes. You vomited, and once you thought you were done, more came up. The sudden hand on your shoulder startled you, you turned to look who it was. “Meet me downstairs in 3 minutes.” Kai’s voice was demanding and it scared you slightly. 

Once you were clean, you stepped out, everyone who was in the basement moments ago, was now in the living room, conversing with each other. Fear grew, so much so your heartbeat was nearly evident just by looking at you. You reached the bottom floor, and noticed all the pink stains on the carpet. Kai was seated at the table on the other side of the space, with his elbow on the table and his pinky extended, waiting for yours to connect. Your heart dropped to your stomach, which made the nauseous feeling return, but now was not the time to go back to the bathroom. It had been 2 months since your last pinky power, and you knew that if you sat down, Kai would find out the truth you wanted to keep hidden. 

No other option was currently available, so you sat in the chair across from his. Kai bended his pinky, and you linked yours with his. Your hands were sweating, and he could tell. “We are linked, you have now consented to tell me your truth. Why did you run out?”

You didn’t want to tell him the real reason, but the longer you took to find an alternative explanation, the more Kai noticed something was wrong. He was getting more upset, “Speak!” He slammed his fist on the table with his free hand. The table rattled, and you jumped at the rapid sudden movement. He frightened every part of your body. “I think your movement is gross!” You spat out because the pressure to answer his question quickly was too much to handle.

He smiled sarcastically, and closed his eyes. “But I don't understand little lamb.” Tears started to fog your vision, you hated your nickname, it made you feel powerless. “We have had this plan for months, and this is the first time I hear that you have a problem with it. Why is that?” Kai’s voice grew angry, and his expression was dead serious.

“It’s the first time I really think about what’s going to happen.” You started to cry, you could already predict how this conversation would end. Your breath started to shake and you lip quivered. “Oh my sweet pure angel, don’t cry.” Kai caressed your cheek but his voice was sarcastic, it angered you. The way he tried to control you and your emotions, built a rage in your stomach. You slapped his hand away from your face.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! Don’t touch me!” You challenged him, but as much as you wanted to get him mad, it just got him turned on. Kai grabbed your free wrist, with your other hand still connected to his by the pinky. “Tell me what you're hiding. And don’t lie, I’ll know.”

You started to cry, sobbing, and your face got red. He loved seeing you like this, weak and sensitive. “I- I just don’t want to be involved in this shit! Killing pregnant women, are you insane?!” This fire he started and continued to feed, was all over now. Kai always tended to get aroused looking at you like this.

You retracted your hand from his to rub your face, but Kai slapped you, “You never break a pinky power! Never!” You were done, there was nothing more you wanted to do than just run out. But he would kill you, so you stayed where you were.

“Tell me your truth!” You had never seen him so upset before, he was red and looked like he could strangle you.

“I’m pregnant! Ok! You know what fuck this, I’m leaving!” You rushed to the stairs as Kai was lost at words. You reached the top step, but one of Kai’s loyal followers stopped you.

“Divine ruler! Is everything alright?” He shouted past you.

“Bring her down to me.” Kai said it so quietly you could barely hear him, but Speedwagon followed his instructions.

“No! Let go of me, you dick!” You struggled against his grip, but Speedwagon was much stronger and bigger.

“Here you go Divine Ruler.” He threw you on the floor.

“Be delicate! She is the chosen one! You are dismissed.” Kai looked at you. Tears were rolling down your face.

He walked to your body, and knelt down so he could look at you better. “You are carrying the messiah.” Kai said softly, and touched your face with delicacy. “I am going to protect you, and I’ll call the night of 100 Tate’s off. Whatever you want.”

You liked to see him surrender, it gave you immense pleasure. You would only stay to make him think you were going to raise this child together, but then you would disappear, making him suffer. A smirk grew on your face as you came up with your plan.

“Whatever I want?”

[commonwealthoccurences]

Companions React: Masked, Teenager Sole

Note: Deacon has a full imagine due to it being the original request, which can be found under the title “The Kids From Yesterday.” Enjoy!

Cait:

Nosy about Sole’s identity

The fact that they’re so secretive makes her extra suspicious about their motives, especially when she first becomes their companion

Will probably straight up start arguments about it, and it honestly does become a barrier in her trusting them

(Maybe it’s just an excuse she’s using not to trust them)

Eventually it settles into an unspoken agreement that they agree to disagree; Sole knows she doesn’t like their secrecy and Cait knows they don’t fully trust her either due to how guarded they have to be

Doesn’t appreciate it when other people push to find Sole’s identity, though

She can yell at them about it but no one else can, that’s her job

When she eventually has to remove Sole’s helmet due to them getting injured, she’s outwardly horrified

They remind her of herself when she was younger; young and vulnerable and put in dangerous positions no teenager should be a part of

She’s terrified for them and that shows itself as anger, considering that’s the only way she really knows how to show emotion

When they wake up they argue, but eventually she gives them her reasoning

She becomes extremely protective and is more ready than ever to spill blood over someone threatening Sole

No one was around and willing to protect her when she needed it as a teenager; Sole doesn’t have to deal with the same if she’s there, though

Curie:

Doesn’t particularly let the anonymity bother her

She notices, of course, how closely they guard their identity and the fact that they never show their face, or any part of their body, but that doesn’t hinder their efficiency so she doesn’t think much of it

Finds them to be delightful company and doesn’t need a face to know that

That’s about it. She may ask the occasional question about their background out of curiosity or ask their reasoning for hiding identifying features, but other than that she doesn’t really react to the hiding

When Sole gets injured and she finds out their identity she’s definitely surprised

She asks them what led them to taking up the mantle they have (General, Railroad recruit, etc) when they shouldn’t have to have that responsibility at such a young age

They’ve clearly proved themself capable, so she doesn’t tend to question them so much

However she does make sure to sneak in ways to let them be a teenager and not the Sole the Commonwealth knows

She asks them to join her on short walks, help her cook, etc

Makes sure to help them stay anonymous to others

Danse:

Absolutely not impressed

A security threat he doesn’t want to deal with

How is he supposed to verify they’re decent and vouch for them if he doesn’t even know who they are

Not to mention the potential for someone to pretend to be them and gain access to the Prydwen

Makes a begrudging exception if Maxson requests so or they turn out to be a fantastic asset

Doesn’t really stop prying, though (A small part of that is his own curiosity)

After they’ve known each other a while he gets defensive over other people prying into Sole’s identity

“They’re highly respected for a reason, I don’t think their appearance is any of your business, now is it?”

When he has to remove their helmet he’s shocked but doesn’t fully react

Sure, the situation’s unfortunate, however many Brotherhood recruits start young

Does have doubts as to whether or not a teenager can handle the workload and make the decisions required of Sole, but realizes eventually that they’ve already been making those choices

Is wary of them overworking themself but it isn’t a big conversation

Gage:

Struggles a bit with not being in the loop, but plenty of raiders don’t show their faces

If they get their work done and don’t fuck things up, he doesn’t particularly care what they look like or where they come from

Sure he’s curious and makes small attempts to find out what they look like but it’s not a big issue for him

Does ask about their past every now and then just to see if they’ll slip up

When he finds out their age and what they look like he finds himself more upset than he’d expected

The things he’d required them to do weren’t pretty and yet they hadn’t hesitated, even seemed to be trying to surpass his expectations

They lived in a shitty world but things like this really hit him in the gut and drive that point home

Goes a little easier on them afterwards but doesn’t make a discussion out of it and no longer pries

Also uses the respect angle as a way to get raiders to stop asking questions

Hancock:

Unashamed prier

Doesn’t hesitate to try and get them to expose their past

It’s playful teasing to him so unless Sole draws a line or seems extremely uncomfortable, he’s not gonna stop

Doesn’t really think there’s anything to their anonymity other than maybe them having a situation similar to Mac; someone hiding from raiders or the Gunners

Once they earn his respect his jokes get a little less invasive and he starts letting them have their secrets

When he sees they’re a teenager he’s pretty upset

They’ve been travelling the Commonwealth fighting things that no sane adult would go up against in their dreams and they’re just a kid in his eyes

Doesn’t really know what to do

Has a talk with them about letting him protect them a bit more

He doesn’t feel right having a teenager try and take bullets for him

He’s not upset at them he’s upset for them and all they shouldn’t’ve had to do

Haylen:

Another believer in the security risk issue

If they prove themself loyal, though, she doesn’t have too much of a problem

Does ask questions about their past but not to pry, more because she genuinely wants to get to know them

As long as they’re capable, though, she leaves anything regarding their appearance and past alone

That’s about it before they reveal their face

Afterwards she’s somewhat upset

She doesn’t often question Maxson, but he’s sending a teenager on dangerous missions that should be completed by the upper ranks of the Brotherhood

Mostly just angered by the fact that they have no one to stand up and protect them when a bunch of adults are asking them to do dangerous things for their own benefit

MacCready:

Respects the anonymity

Honestly a little jealous he didn’t think to go anon

Doesn’t ask anything in the beginning; he’s getting paid to protect them not for small talk

Does suspect they’re running from something

As they get closer he asks a few questions but doesn’t really pressure them to talk about their past

When he finds out Sole’s a teenager he’s possibly the most effected out of all the companions

He feels sick and immediately thinks of Duncan; this was somebody’s child. What if it was his kid in this position, with all these expectations on his shoulders?

Immediately activates dad mode, to the point where Sole might find it a little suffocating

“There has to be someone out there missing you, kid. Why are you out here doing all this dangerous sh- stuff?”

The dad mode thing doesn’t really switch off unless they’re in public; implying a familial connection could make things more dangerous

He does protect them in combat situations more, though, and usually has an eye on them at all times

Nick:

A little wary of their unwillingness to be identified, but can’t be too annoyed about it

There’s plenty of tactics to stay alive in the Commonwealth and theirs seems to be working for them quite well

Does wonder how they manage to avoid slipping up and revealing something about themself so well (he is a detective after all)

May make sly comments to see if they do mess up but other than that he leaves the identity situation alone

They’re respectable and they respect him, so that’s enough in his eyes

When he finds out they’re a teenager he, like Gage, is reminded of just how much the world has changed

He’s disgusted that a teenager has been put in a situation where they feel they need to make theses sacrifices for everyone

God knows the adults aren’t really doing it

Becomes a lot more defensive of them but not to the point Mac goes to

Checks up on them a lot more often, too

Makes sure they take breaks from the difficult tasks

Piper:

She’s a reporter; you really expect her to do anything other than pry?

Seriously does everything she can think of to get them to slip up and reveal something about themself

Even tries to bribe them

When it doesn’t work she sulks a little and mulls over her next plan

Eventually she isn’t so forthright with it but she never really stops trying

Makes it clear that she does respect Sole for their personality and what they do, though

When she finds out it all makes sense to her and she feels guilty for being so persistent

Becomes a bit protective over them as well; she couldn’t imagine if Nat was put in their position

Tries to make it clear through her actions that they have a home with her and Nat if they need somewhere to go or a family, since it seems like they don’t have one of their own

Preston:

Are they efficient? Do they respect the settlers? Do they have a good heart and want to help the Commonwealth? Good enough for him

He doesn’t have the time or energy to try and dig into why they don’t want to show their face

He’s admittedly a little curious but it’s none of his business and he makes sure that they know he knows that

A little more reluctant to just let it go once they become General considering there’s more at stake, but what else is he gonna do

It’s not like anyone else was willing to lead, and they seem to be doing a damn good job at it

When they get injured and he finds out why they hid their appearance, he’s somewhat upset

At himself for putting so much pressure on a teenager, at Sole for not being straightforward and allowing him to push them so much, and at the world for putting them both in a situation where there’s no other option

Moving forward he asks a little less of them and tries to step up even more to take some of their workload

Definitely helps quell the settlers asking questions about Sole and their identity

Sturges:

Pretty similar to Preston

Doesn’t ask too many questions as long as they’re a respectable leader

When he finds out he takes a minute to be frustrated with the situation and then moves on

Their armor and weapons are always priority for repair, however, and he asks them quite often if they need his assistance with something

X6-88:

Internally he’s quite unwilling to believe they’re good enough for the job the Institute’s given them, but he doesn’t express this other than with a few snide comments

They could be a major security risk but the decision has been made and he’s not in much of a place to protest

He does try to investigate them on his own, without asking them questions directly, but comes up empty handed, which irritates him further

When he finds out he’s alarmed

The fate of the Institute, and therefore the Commonwealth, as been put in the hands of a teenager

His reaction to protect them even more isn’t quite out of concern for their wellbeing, and more out of concern for the Institute if they were to die

Isn’t impressed

[lovestrucked-again]

Delirium V

Summary: After being kidnapped and claimed by the notorious mafia leader, he offers you a 7 day period where you’ll be given the option after of staying or leaving. Until then, you’re stuck, whether you like it or not.

Pairing: Mafia leader X female reader Word count: 3.8k

Genre & Warning: SMUT, fingering, Explicit content, mafia gang, possessive, toxic, yandere like personality, humiliation, multiple orgasms, rough, orgasm denial, begging, orgasm control, praise, teasing, dildo, blowjob, sex

a/n: finally a proper aftercare scene. also decided i’d be writing this as a proper series now since so many people like it <3. i’ve bought in the day count and updated the summary.

Prev | Next

Day 2 continued

Taeyong’s arms wrap around your waist, gathering you into his arms as you relax in his hold, your muscles exhausted and weak. He carries you to his bedroom, placing you down softly on the bed as you curl up around the soft sheets. He rolls onto his side, pulling you into his body as he runs his hands over your skin, circling your wrists gently to help rid the pain. His head dips into the nuzzle area of your neck as he places peppering kisses along your bare shoulder muttering words of praise as you recoil from the overwhelming mess of your day - full of orgasms.

Your mind continues to drift between the thoughts of pain and pleasure as he holds you. Gradually, his words faintly register in your mind and you begin to focus on his presence. His voice gets louder in your ear, although his tone remains level, but it brings you back to reality.

“Taeyong,” you rasp out

“How are you feeling baby?” he asks, his warm eyes waiting patiently as he presses a kiss against your forehead.

“Sore...” you mumble. You let out a deep sigh, relaxing in his hold as you snuggle further into him – your hands thrown over his waist.

Taeyong gently pulls you off him, bringing his eyes to yours as he looks at you in concern, “Was I too hard? Did I push too far?” He questions, his sincere gaze piercing into you with an overwhelming amount of emotion, perhaps cherish or is it devotion?

“No.” you tell him, laughing a little as he sighs, tightening his arms around you.

“Mmmm that’s good.”

The two of you lay in silence, the deep intoxicating scent of his subtle woodsy and faint mint flooding your senses as your eyelids droop down. Then as your about to drift off, he starts pulling away. Your body reacts first, tightening your grasp on him.

“Don't leave,” you whimper in protest – voice low and showing so much vulnerability.

“I’m just going to get lotion okay?” he points out softly, unwrapping your arm from his waist.

“Can you get it later?” you whine, your eyes staring up at him. Taeyong softens at your gaze, not accustomed to your clinging need of him, but yet completely in love with it.

“It’ll hurt more if you don't rub something on your joints and thighs.” He murmurs, pushing his thoughts away to think about your well-being. “How about you come with me?”

The question quickly runs through your mind and you nod despite the exhaustion already setting in; the pain from having the straps and its sharp teeth digging into your skin desperate to be tended to.

“Come on baby, I’ll piggy back you.” He offers. You let out a laugh at the proposal and stretch a little as he gets up and stands at the foot of the bed, waiting. You cling onto his shoulders and then reach for his neck, your fingers lacing around each other to hold yourself. When you try and wrap your legs around his waist you let out a shriek as the muscles pull; the soreness of them apparent. Despite that, you bring your legs around him, your head lulling onto his shoulder as Taeyong wraps his arms around your butt, steading you.  

Taeyong guides you to the bathroom, switching the light on as you cling tightly to him when he releases an arm. Gently, he turns around, placing you on the bench as he unlocks your fingers around his neck. You wince as your bare bottom makes contact with the cold marble surface, the pain only lasting a few seconds as it takes over the heat.

“What are you looking for? you ask, watching him rummage through cupboards and draws, searching for something.

“I’m looking for a towel,” He hums.

“There’s one on the rack.” You tell him, scrunching your face up in confusion.

“That’s not soft enough.” He murmurs, wanting to find a specific material. “Maybe it’s in my draw.” He disappears back into the bedroom, leaving you sitting on the sink bench, playing with your fingers in silence, mind slowly shutting down in fatigue. He returns within a minute, a lotion and a towel in hand, placing them beside you before he turns to the sink.

You watch him in silence, his eyes furrowing as he plays around with the temperature of the water. When his finally satisfied with it, he grabs the plug, blocking the water from draining. He takes the towel, letting it soak in the water before squeezing it damp before he shuffles between your legs.

“Close your eyes.” He tells you, bringing the fabric over your face – wiping at the dried saliva and juices that coat your lips. You squint your eyes shut, as he keeps a hand at the side of your head, careful not to press too hard.

“That’s nice.” You murmur, feeling much cleaner with the warm cloth on your face.

With his free hand, Taeyong slowly spreads your thighs, delicately running the cloth against your skin, pausing momentarily only to rinse the towel. After wiping it all down, he places a little kiss against your skin, “all done.”

He tosses the towel into the sink, reaching for one of his shirts on the rack behind him – worn from the previous day. His fingers trace along your waist as he helps you slip into the material, seeking the comfort of warmth. As you look down at the shirt, noticing the little logo on the side, Taeyong reaches for the lotion that’s been placed aside.

“Baby, hands.” He hums. You place your hands on your thighs and he flips them so your palm’s face up. He squirts out a little of the lotion, applying it onto your wrists first, massaging it into your skin before he places a kiss on them. He shuffles back, squeezing out more lotion onto his hands as he squats to level his eyesight with your ankles. “Does it hurt?” he asks, staring at the pink colour and the marks that are lightly indented due to the heavy chains.

“Not really.” You mumble, wincing as you cross your fingers instinctively; the white lie coming out naturally.

After rubbing the cream into your joints, he stands up and shifts closer to your body. Naturally, your arms wind around his shoulders, Taeyong’s own wrapping around your waist as you swing your legs around him. With little effort, he lifts you up, walking back to his bedroom as you lay your cheek on his shoulder – nose pressed against his skin.

“We’ll put the rest of the cream on back in bed.” He whispers, noticing your eyes droop every so often. He shifts a little, manoeuvring awkwardly as he reaches for the light switch, flicking it off and heading to the bed. You fall lazily.

“On your back.” He tells you, helping you crawl up to the pillows. You flop against the soft pillow, letting out an exhausted sigh. You shiver a little as the hem of your shirt is lifted and you feel Taeyong’s hands brushing against your thighs. He rubs in circular motions, massaging at the skin simultaneously as he applies the lotion.

When you feel the shift in weight on the bed you realise he’s finished and your legs roll together, curling into the sheets. Your eyes sink and you can barely feel your own weight anymore, reaching for thin air as you make grabby hands, searching for him.

“I’m here,” he whispers, shuffling up closer to your body, bringing you into his hold before you sigh in contempt. A hand rests around your back, gently tapping at a steady pace until his breathing becomes slower and deeper, the softness of his exhale tickling at your neck as he falls asleep.

As sleep finds you, it brings dreams of hands and tongues and things entering you.

Day 3

The watery light of early morning sun streams through the window, waking Taeyong up. He shuffles around the bed, removing his arm from around your waist as you continue in your sleep. He disappears around the bathroom, running the tap on and steps in, humming softly to himself as he prepares himself for a busy day.

The dreams and visions melt away as you awaken, but the need and arousal still burns inside you. Taeyong wrapped in a robe, comes through, ruffling his now damp hair with a spare towel in his hand.

“Morning baby! Did you sleep well?”

You hum in response, rubbing at your eyes to wake yourself up. The bed sinks a little at his weight and he climbs up to your lips, giving you a peck as you squeal.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet!” You laugh, attempting to nudge him off of you. He pushes himself up on his forearms, caressing your cheek as you squirm a little under his gaze. For some reason, the way he looked at you after yesterday, made you feel vulnerable, your pulse was quickening and the strange longing at his nearness grew each time.

“Mmm I don't care.” Without warning, his lips press against yours and your tongues collide. You whimper softly, bringing your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. His nose brushes against yours as he keeps himself steady, removing his robe onto the bed with a rustle, sporting a huge erection.

He lays down on top of you, warmth and weight on your skin, sliding his arms around you tightly. Your hands reach around to find his soft hair, bringing his face to you as his lips continue attack with yours.

Your shirt rides up, exposing your lower bottom as his hands trace along the outsides of your thigh, working his way up. You quiver as his cock brushes against your skin; wetness flowing between your legs, as your body begs for more. You brace yourself for the thickness of his cock, knowing it would stretch you wider than the rubber dildo from yesterday. Instead, you felt his fingertip, just one, teasing your pussy lips.

You look up at him, the slight disappointment slipping past your expression accidentally. Taeyong catches your gaze, pausing in his movements as he leans over to your ear, “Just because I’m not strapping you down right now, doesn't mean you have permission to move. If I want to take it slow, then you’re going to endure it.”

You watch his moves eagerly, gulping as you nod. With his words in mind, you assume he’s going to continue teasing but he doesn't. With a quick switch, he removes his finger and slams his cock into you. You scream when he enters; still sore from the previous day. He moves gently, but your orgasm hits instantly and hard. Your back arches as you meet his thrust, hips moving with his as you contract hard around him, feeling every inch of his sweet, delicious cock inside you.

The powerful contractions hurt, the length of his shaft buried inside you hurt, and your orgasm continues on and on and on, longer than you had felt before. You pull at his locks, tugging them frantically as the thumping of your heart powers the shockwaves through your body. You were still coming even as he pulls out, even as you feel yourself closing around nothing. The sudden shocking sense of emptiness brings a wail out your lips; the orgasm, so cruelly interrupted before it could finish, leaving you craving more.

“You don't know what you’ve gotten yourself into.” He grins, lifting you off the bed as you continue writhing in his grasp, lowering you onto the floor instead.

His hands hold onto your shoulders, pushing you down until you’re on your knees in front of him. Realising what he wants, you lick your lips in anticipation, quickly bringing his head into your mouth as you suck, swirling your tongue around it, savouring the taste.

His dick was bigger than any you'd ever had, a realization that came to you as you sucked on it. In an attempt to please him while easing yourself into the blowjob, you reach up and grip the base of his shaft with your hand, so that you can jerk him off while your mouth would only have to tackle the first few inches of his cock. You savour it, going slow, then speeding up a little, until suddenly Taeyong slaps your hand away, hard.

"Nice try," he says harshly, "but I don't want a fucking hand job. I want you to use that pretty mouth and swallow my dick, and if you can't do it on your own, then I'm going to help you."

He didn't sound mad, exactly, but it was clear to you what he was implying, so you try to take him a little deeper. He’s so big and thick, that you struggle, backing off again almost immediately. With each time your cheeks hollow as you suck harder on the head of his dick, he groans and without warning, his hand tightens hard in your hair, pushing your head forward, forcing you to take a little more than half of his cock all at once.

Your throat stretches around him, and almost instantly you’re gagging, your airway being constricted around him. He pulls your head back off his cock just as forcefully as he had pushed you forward, letting you focus again on just the head. Taking the moment, you catch your breath, swallowing a big gasp of air, and then, he’s pushing you forward again. This time you manage to take another inch or so before gagging hard, and once again he pulls you back.

As you gag around his thickness the third time, you can feel your pussy clenching, your clit throbbing for attention yet again. Taeyong seems to read your mind, because he laughs as he pushes you forward again, "You like that, don't you baby? You like it when I make you choke on my big cock don't you? It's making you hot, making you want me to fuck you again, isn't it?"

You groan around his cock that’s almost all the way in your mouth, only about one inch that you still hadn't managed to swallow yet. That wasn't good enough for him though, he wanted you to actually answer him. He jerks your head and pulls you away, "Answer me, baby girl, you like having me fuck your throat like this?" He uses your hair to tilt your head, making you look up at him.

Your eyes are watering and your throat’s spasming, but you manage to let out a garbled yes, and then shock him by plunging your own head forward, swallowing his whole cock, on your own.

"Fuuuuck, that's a good girl," you can hear him groaning above you, and even as you gag his words were having an effect on you. You grind the back of your throat against the head of his cock, feeling your lips press against his crotch. Taeyong tries to pull you back off to let you breathe, but you don't budge, loving the feeling of him filling your throat.

He tugs at your hair harder, and harder, until finally you have to obey and back off, feeling your scalp tingle from the pulling. You gasp for air, surprised to realize you needed it so badly, and then he brings you back on his dick hard, causing you to gag again in surprise, and moan in pleasure. You reach up with your hand and squeeze his balls, while you suck on the cock deep in your throat. You sneak your tongue out at the base of his dick, and tease the edge of his balls with it, causing his hand to tighten hard in your hair, while he jerks his hips forward and grinds his dick deeper. His breathing becomes ragged as he moans in pleasure. His cock throbbing inside your mouth as he sighs, “I’m going to-”

He twitches, a jet of milky fluid spurting from the end of his shaft, landing in your hair, catching you off guard. You jerk aside at the sudden movement, the next spurt splattering on the fabric above your shoulder. Thick gobs of goo well up between your fingers and run down your wrist.

He sighs, holding still, eyes closed until he finishes. When he pulls away from you suddenly, you lose your balance, falling onto your ass as you land on the floor. You stare up at him, a mixture of desire and lust in your eyes; your face completely painted.

"Now it's your turn." He bends down, reaching into the drawer sitting beside the bed, and takes out the dildo from the day before. The vibrating egg, the straps and all the toys he'd used previously floods through your mind as you recall the experiences; feeling a little giddy. Now that you were face to face, you finally had a chance to notice the details of the object. It was made of black rubber, heavily veined and ridged, extremely realistic-looking, and it was big.

You jump back onto the bed, spreading your legs eagerly as he twists the knob at its base. Yet when he climbs up onto the bed, you shrink back, scooting away until your back bumps against the head of the bed.  

He switches a button on at the base of the dildo, handing it over to you. "Fuck yourself."

You sit frozen, staring at it. “W-what?”

"If you don’t do as you're told, you will be punished. I said, fuck yourself."

You lower the vibrating dildo gingerly between your legs, and touch yourself lightly with the head.

"Now!" he growls.

You shake and without thinking, shove the dildo into your wet, aching pussy. The size is smaller in girth in comparison to Taeyong but it’s still big enough to fill you.

"That's better. Now fuck yourself. Hard. Don't stop until you come."

You begin moving the dildo in and out, tentatively at first. He watches you, frowning slightly, as his eyes command you to move more quickly. You increase the tempo, forcing the dildo into you faster and harder, red with helpless, impotent shame. Your pussy clenches around it, and you can feel its texture, every ridge and vein leaving an explosion of sensation. The powerful vibrations penetrate you, and soon you’re lost in the feeling, masturbating openly in front of him.

A sharp knock comes at the door and you stop, your blood turning to ice in your veins as you whip your head in the direction.

"I didn't tell you to stop. Fuck yourself!"

You whimper and obey. The dildo plunging in and out.

Taeyong grabs the bathrobe still littered on the bed and leaves the bedroom, closing the door almost completely behind him. Your jaw aches, and the bed bangs against the wall softly with every movement, the knock in sync with the dildo as you fuck yourself alone and in silence.

You hear Taeyong’s voice in the other room, his sigh loudly audible to you.

The front door slams shut yet again and you sneak a peek at the creaked open bedroom door, waiting for Taeyong to come back. He enters a minute later, his frustration seemingly maxed as he closes the bedroom door behind him, leaning against it as he watches you instead.

“D-Did something happen?” You squeak out, your movements slowing as you try and continue plunging the dildo into yourself.

“Nothing that can’t be handled.” He mutters before his anger turns into a grin, “Baby let me watch you from here. It’s a better angle.”

Time seems to slow, and you become acutely, painfully self-aware. The weight of the cum streaked in your hair, the slight tickle of the rivulets of wetness crawling down your wrists and over your breasts, the faint itching of dried semen on your chin, the steady buzzing vibration of the dildo inside your pussy, all filling your consciousness. You hear, from far away, a long, thin wail, then realise with a startle that it’s coming from you.

The butterflies grow into a whirlwind in your belly, and you ram yourself with the dildo, fulfilling your arousal; forgetting Taeyong’s presence. Tightness grips your chest, your legs begin to shake, and you come. You scream in ecstasy and contract powerfully around the thick rubber dildo. Your entire body shaking with the force of your orgasm...and for just a brief instant, right at the peak, you wonder what it would feel like to have his penis in your mouth while you cum. You barely get a second to breathe before Taeyong approaches you, "Did that feel good?" You whimper wordlessly, eyes squeezed shut as you roll in your orgasm, dragging it out. Taeyong kneels beside you and you look up at him with question in your eyes. He offers no explanation, but instead lifts you into his arms and carries you like a child into the bathroom. Like a fragile and delicate possession of his.

He lowers you into the enormous tub and runs the water letting you move to sit up, making space for him. He sits opposite of you, the spacious room allowing the two of you to sit comfortably. The water fills slowly and you stay in silence, your eyes locked with his as he gives off a much gentler aura, gazing at you softly.

“Baby I have to leave you alone today.” He hums, breaking the silence.

It takes a minute for the words to register and another minute for you to come up with a reply. The reality suddenly bringing you back as you realise you were still technically a hostage to him. Maybe this was a chance to escape?

“How long will you be gone?”

Taeyong reaches forward, turning the running tap off, “I should be home before midnight tonight; will you be okay?”

You change your line of sight, choosing to stare at the clear water instead, “Yeah.”

***

It’s a little after 9 in the morning when Taeyong’s finally about to go, “I’ll leave you one of my old phones okay?” He tells you, placing it on the kitchen counter “Don’t bother trying to contact anyone, everything’s blocked except my number.”

You stay seated on the kitchen stool, “What?”

“If you look in the contacts you’ll find my number,” he explains, fixing the buttons to his shirt, “text me if you need something and call me if it’s an emergency.”

You stare at the phone in loss, your only chance of calling for help being slammed shut. Your daze is cut short when you hear the front door click open, “Taeyong wait!” scrambling off the chair, you run over to him as he pauses, “Why won’t you let me contact anyone? What about my family? My friends? I have classes to attend as well!”

“Look, baby.” He hums, voice exasperated, “Let’s talk about this tonight, I have to go now, I’m late.” He leans down, placing a kiss on your lips as you stand in defeat, “Be a good girl and wait for me.” ____

let me know what you think :) or anything you want to see upcoming?

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

The arrival of the MSBY Ace solidified the harsh reality the Onigiri Miya owner was struggling to accept. It was quite clear in his text exchanges with the Ace that you would not be accompanying him to retrieve your belongings. It would defeat the purpose of sending him. Nonetheless, a dim spark of hope ignited inside of his chest upon hearing the delicate knock on the apartment door. Mentally he scolded himself, recognizing that he would likely be disappointed by who was stood behind the barrier. Yet he could not extinguish the emotion threading through his heart, warming it for the first time in twenty-four hours.

When Osamu did answer the posed permission to enter, he was greeted by Bokuto, whose happy demeanour melted into an apologetic one upon seeing grief darken his already cloudy eyes. The sight reminded the professional athlete of a stormy sky seconds from unleashing a deadly downpour.

“Hey. Sorry, she’s not here. I’m just the messenger.” Bokuto doubted the cook would shed any tears in his presence, vulnerability was something his friend hid behind a perfectly cultivated mask. The only people privileged enough to explore the area behind the mask were you, and Atsumu. Which he did not mind. The only issue was that recently, even you were denied access to the emotions splattered violently behind the veil. It was something that contributed to the eventual collapse of your relationship, a fact Osamu realized a bit too late. 

“You don’t have to apologize. This is my fault.” And, if I lose her, that’s on me too – he mentally added, ache clenching his organs. Averting his gaze to the carpet below, he stepped aside to grant the Ace access to the apartment.

The bag that Osamu packed with your essential items was located on the kitchen table. A suitcase also rested nearby, containing the larger items that he was unable to fit into the carry on piece. Bokuto thanked him for having everything prepared well in advance. The cook responded with a low exhale of acknowledgement. 

Would it be enough, though? Or would he soon lose every trace of you from the apartment? 

And if you one day planned on retrieving the remainder of your belongings, could he ask you take him too?  

The inquiry brought water to blur his vision as a bitter laugh bubbled from within him. He quickly discharged the liquid with the tips of his fingers, knowing well he did not deserve Bokuto’s pity.

But Bokuto did not catch the moment of vulnerability, fatefully he was in the bedroom, searching for the one item you presumed would not have been packed – an album. Not just any album, it was the one dedicated to every major event in your life. It was a collection of happiness, and right now you were deprived of that exact emotion. You secretly hoped viewing the photographs would provide you some solace, even if it were just wishful thinking.

Ten minutes later, the MSBY player had the duffle bag swung over his shoulder, and the suitcase handle in his grasp. Osamu noticed the album tucked under his arm but elected not to inquire why that was required for a business trip to Brazil.

“Alright. I think I got everything!” A wide smile was beamed towards the somber twin as Bokuto adjusted the strap, preparing to exit the apartment.

“Before you go… Can you answer something for me?” As soon as the question rolled off his lips, he instantly regretted it. Why ask a question, if you do not want to know the answer? Ignorance is bliss, so why was he attempting to destroy the single thread of hope he was clinging to?

“I can try.” The athlete shifted awkwardly, he knew the question would involve you – and there was only so much he could disclose on the topic.

“Is she still wearing it?” The cook’s heart sunk into the pit of his stomach, producing a nauseating sensation to fill him. He should have not asked – why did he ask –

“Yeah. She is.” In a signal of encouragement, Bokuto reached out to lightly squeeze his friend’s shoulder. “Hang in, buddy. She’ll talk to you when she’s ready.” It hurt him to witness his two close friends in pain, he sincerely prayed for their reconciliation; but he knew it was not guaranteed. Not all damage could be repaired, after-all.

After issuing a weak response of gratitude, the MSBY Ace exited the apartment, leaving Osamu to untangle the web of thoughts your absence left with him.

The incident that threatened your future together had only occurred twenty-four hours ago, but every minute that passed increased the uncertainty haunting him – did he even have a future left to protect? He desperately yearned to speak with you; to hear the softness in your voice that was reserved only for him, to explain the truth and to apologize for his mistakes. But your request for space had to be respected – after witnessing what occurred yesterday, it was a just demand, one he could not object. The only option available was to wait until you were ready to speak with him.  Pressuring you into delving into matters that stemmed from his incompetence was not something he was prepared to do. But he did hope that you would someday return to him, and as long as that ring remained in your grasp, he would continue to cling to that sliver of hope.

He required a moment to gather the courage to move from his post at the front door. When he did finally enter the bedroom, his gaze caught something he originally presumed to have packed. The stuffed teddy bear sat on the vanity was your travelling companion. You had even set up an Instagram for the toy, with the handle – Adventures with Teddiursa. He had bought you the plushie a year ago as an apology for being unable to join you on your various business trips. After complaining about the lack of a ‘snuggle-partner’, he surprised you with the stuffed bear resembling one of your favourite Pokémon. You often claimed that it was your favourite gift; it even surpassed the diamond ring on your finger.

He knew he had to get it to you.

There was a chance he could meet Bokuto at the lobby if he took the stairs. Scooping up the plushie, the cook slid into a pair of shoes, not bothering to properly put them on before dashing out into the hallway. If he couldn’t provide you the comfort you needed – maybe the fluffy piece within his grasp could.

But when he arrived at the lobby, the Ace was nowhere to be found. In a final attempt to locate him, Osamu walked to the street level, scanning the familiar area for the spikey haired player. What he found instead was a beautiful girl, slurring arguments into her phone while squinting at the colourful lights hanging above her. 

Fate had somehow brought him to you. 

Let’s do it again, shall we - storm 

Masterlist - Previous - Next

A/N: I feel like my writing skills get so sloppy whenever I read a lot of case law so if this sucks, ~ I AM SORRY ~

taglist: @idiot-juice-enthusiast @vicassa  @iloveanime691 @bringmelily @newfriendjen @hikarichannn @anime-simp @tsukkismamagucci @laughingismorefun @astronomyturtle @shegrewupwithoutafather @hyskoa1998 @deephumandragonperson @pretty-setter-bois @raenebalgaire @sugawarabby @justanotherfangirl2 @keijisworld @90s-belladonna​ @momoinot @sempiternal-amour @cherryblosom111​ @yqshirov​ @haikyuufairy​ @volleybloop​ @bloody-bella​ @sadkaashistan​ @seikamuzu​ @namyari​  @toaster-stick​ @coconut-dreamz​ @roseestuosity​ @prcttylittlcthing​ @uzumakioden​ @nerdynstoned​ @kenmasgameboy​ @unstableye​ @ouijaeater15​ @aquariarose​ @fandomtrashpandasposts​ @helloalex80​ @stfucanunot​ @envyusshades​ @cuddlesslut​ @seijohiseliterambles​ @chaichai-the-weeb​ @meiikuki​ @cuddlejeongin​ @tchalameme​ @ditu-m9​  @elianetsantana​​

Taglist continued in the comments from my personal  ❣️

[dandelion-wings]

As a jean specialist, what kind of situation would you throw her in for optimized suffering revenue?

Ooooh, this is an excellent question, Anon. :O I spent some time thinking about it yesterday and I think I’ve boiled it down to a few key points? Obviously, physical suffering is easy and fun (and if you set it up right, Jean will do it to herself!), but if you want to optimize it, you want emotional suffering too. Which I think is actually a little harder with Jean? Because she strikes me as someone who a) compartmentalizes a lot, in general, and b) can cope better with just about anything if she thinks there’s a reason for enduring.

(E.g., torturing her is going to have less emotional payoff than it does physical, because all the good reasons to torture Jean are also good reasons for her to resist, and feel triumphant about resisting even if everything else sucks. On a similar note, torturing someone else to make Jean break is going to be more effective, but also provides the same opportunity for mental resistance, because if she doesn’t give in to save them it’s going to be for a high-priority reason that will still help her compartmentalize.)

But there are chinks in that, and after thinking about it a while, I think the most effective ones are:

someone else, someone innocent or vulnerable, gets hurt (kind of a gimme, but also fairly necessary, I think)

there is something in the situation that is Jean’s fault--some kind of screw-up, someone she trusted when she shouldn’t, etc.

it involves her failing somehow--Jean is canonically afraid of failing, not being enough, etc. (think of all her voicelines about how she needs to be doing more, doing better)

she’s helpless in the situation somehow/for some reason--I think this is lower priority than the others, but if we’re optimizing, it’s some nice extra flavor

as another sprinkle of ‘extra flavor,’ her Knights and/or the people of Mondstadt losing faith in her, whether as part of the cause of the situation or as a result of it, would probably be a pretty significant morale blow

So I think probably the setup I’d go with if I was trying to build a narrative out of this is: Jean fucks something up in the first place through human error, loses faith/trust out of it, because of that is not situated to deal with a more severe situation, and has to helplessly watch that happen. Which is a framework you could build off of in a lot of ways, if you wanted one! Or rearrange in a lot of ways.

(Two other things I thought about but didn’t put in the “chinks” list because they’re more situation-specific: a) pitting various of her ideals against each other, which I see mostly as happening in more political scenarios, and b) someone whose opinion she trusts and values* declaring her a danger or liability to the Knights/Mondstadt, which would tie into the fear of failure and have the extra emotional blow of it coming from someone she trusts. Both are partially relevant to your part 2 ask, by the way!)

Also, you could trolley-problem Jean pretty effectively, but I’m not sure I’m inventive enough to create a trolley-problem situation where she can neither find a third option nor convince herself that she made the choice that duty/her ideals demanded. (Not that she wouldn’t still feel plenty awful, in the latter case, but again we’re going for optimization here.)

[farfarawaygirl]

I know folks are upset about this UC storyline but am I the only one unconcerned? Hoping we get a season 4 but I don’t see this being forever. Since day 1, Lucy’s been the “hotshot” newbie, looked up to Nyla, ofc she wants to try UC out. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it! In fact I think it adds a layer of depth to move Tim/Lucy forward given his concerns/hang ups. I also don’t see this being her forever path so I’m not mad they’re testing it out. Here for concerned/supportive Tim!

I am not so patiently waiting for a season 4 renewal announcement! (This was written yesterday! And we finallllllly have out renewal news!)

This UC storyline is full of potential! And as myself and others have noted, plays into Lucy’s desire to prove herself. I think she is the rookie that will try the most things. Nolan has a path now, with the TO route, and Jackson has mentorship from both his dad and Grey, who see a variety of options for him. Lucy’s only really been exposed to Harper. Lucy has mentioned how the first she has ever been serious about was the LAPD, she’s here because she wants to help people. Does UC cover that long term? I can’t say.

I am more interested in how they write the story, the motivation and the decision making process, than I am the actual plot. Lucy has often been the emotion anchor of the show, allowing others to express themselves to her, and being able to show empathy to others.

When she comforted Jackson after Chris died

How she took Nolan back to see the family in the house he had shot a suspect in

When she cried in the season 1 finale as Tim was telling her about going out on his terms

How Nyla shared with her the story of her cop contact assaulting her

Even in all the throw away mentions of how well she knows Tim

How she engaged with Cesiah in the Standoff

Her relationship with Andersen

I think it would be very hard to write Lucy UC long term (on screen, so hiatus is up for grabs) because she gives the other characters opportunities to be vulnerable.

So, give me Lucy going undercover, because it makes sense for the character! But don’t give me Lucy leaving everyone behind, because those are her people, and I want them to just have fun.

Also, the Tim angle, this could give us so much to work with! They’re not romantically involved - yet, but they are entangled, and I think they’re both aware of hard this UC gig might be for them a individuals and as friends. Tim has baggage about this type of work, but I also want to point out that it seems like the UC work Lucy is doing as a cook is very different than what Isobel was doing.

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ 23.5

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 3k  ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

act three ➻ part 5.5

​​​

If Seonghwa had the choice, he would opt not to go to Hongjoong’s quarters and confront him, but after the rage he exhibited on the bridge, Seonghwa knows that he can’t leave the man alone right now. It’s been quite some time since Seonghwa saw him that angry, so much rage in his body that he even pushed it onto Seonghwa once the crew left the room. It was merely a quick push and a hissed order that told him to leave Hongjoong alone until further notice. Still, Hongjoong has never been angry enough to hit him, let alone shove him.

And Seonghwa understands – he truly does. He knows how important this lead was to Hongjoong; he knows that the captain held the highest hope for this one over any other that they’ve had in the past two years. To have it fall apart and crumble before their eyes? Seonghwa would be lying if he said that he wasn’t upset as well.

Seonghwa hesitates outside Hongjoong’s door. He can’t hear any noise within, but there’s no other place where Hongjoong would be. There’s a lingering fear bubbling in Seonghwa’s gut, not one that fears Hongjoong’s anger, but one that is afraid to find Hongjoong alone and vulnerable. He brings his knuckles to the metal anyway, rapping them against the door harshly. He won’t admit that part of him hopes that Hongjoong won’t answer, and it’ll save him from this confrontation because he already knows what Hongjoong will say if he opens the door.

“I’m so sorry, Hwa.”

Seonghwa opens his eyes at the sound of the voice that’s thick with emotion and a bit slurred in tone. He was right about what Hongjoong would say, but he didn’t expect to find the man with flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes. His balance sways from foot to foot, and Seonghwa doesn’t have to look over at his desk to know that the captain has been drinking. He opts not to say anything about Hongjoong’s state; instead, he presses a smile onto his lips and nods towards the room behind Hongjoong.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah… yeah, come in.” Hongjoong waves his hand, spinning around too quickly and nearly toppling over, but Seonghwa grabs his shoulders before he can fall. “I-I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m f-fine.”

Despite Hongjoong’s insistence that he’s fine, Seonghwa maintains his grip on the man until they’re closer to his desk. He lets him go there, and Hongjoong slumps forward, hands finding the edge of the desk and gripping the wood tight.

“Are you okay, Joong?”

“Are you mad at me? You can be mad at me if you want. It’s okay. I would be mad at me too. If I were you.” Seonghwa can barely understand him through the slurs in his tone, but he manages to pick out each word.

“No, I’m not. You know I could never be mad at you.” Seonghwa slips a smile onto his lips even though Hongjoong can’t see it. He eyes the blue-haired man carefully. His hair clings to the back of his neck, sweat keeping it stuck there, and his skin is equally as red there as it is on his cheeks. Maybe three drinks? Two most likely, since Hongjoong never eats. Seonghwa’s gaze flits down to the desk. A tall bottle of dark liquor sits atop it with no glass nearby, which means Hongjoong has just been slinging the alcohol back without a care in the world.

“Even if I ask you to?”

Seonghwa inhales sharply as Hongjoong whips around to face him. His gaze is narrowed and cold, but the effects of the alcohol make him seem less intimidating.

“You know that’s the one order I can’t follow.” Again, he smiles. Hongjoong huffs at his response and faces the desk again. “You never answered my question.”

“What question?”

“Are you okay, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa reaches a hand out to brush over Hongjoong’s shoulder. That’s the wrong move apparently, because Hongjoong flicks his touch away within a second, nose scrunching upwards.

“I’m fine,” he mumbles back. Seonghwa doesn’t believe him for a second, and Hongjoong doesn’t even try to cover the lie. It’s almost heartbreaking to see; in these moments, Seonghwa can’t pull Hongjoong out of his mind. He falls too deep into his thoughts and loses himself there. Seonghwa can do nothing to fix it or stop it. Just watch on with wide and sad eyes that hope for better days. That’s what all this is about after all. Better days. Reaching that place. Finding peace.  

Seonghwa dares to reach out again, fingers stretching towards Hongjoong’s wrist, but the captain pulls away before Seonghwa can even get close. A second later, a sharp snap resounds – the sound of skin hitting wood – and Hongjoong’s hands frantically push the papers and pens and whatever other miscellaneous items he has strewn about off the desk. Seonghwa watches on, stunned into paralysis for too long, and it’s only when Hongjoong grabs the bottle of alcohol that Seonghwa snaps back to reality. He catches Hongjoong’s wrist before the man can hurl the liquor at the wall. The two of them freeze there for several moments, and it almost feels like hours are passing rather than mere seconds, but Seonghwa breaks the supposed spell with a loud exhale. Fingers remain latched around Hongjoong’s skin, and Seonghwa gently pulls the bottle out of his grasp with his free hand, setting it back down on the desk and out of Hongjoong’s reach.

“What’s going on, Joong? Talk to me.” He hates how fragile the man looks under his stare. The strong captain – his strong captain – laid bare and vulnerable.

“The damn lead went fucking cold and six feet under thirty years ago!” Hongjoong snaps back, chest heaving a bit. “The client on Aegos died because some shitty ass pirate crew wanted me dead. For what? What is all this effort for? Fucking ambushed because of me, because I’m the damn ‘Scourge of the Black Sea’, because I’m supposed to be the notorious pirate who kills with a single glance, because I’m always the target people want to kill?” Seonghwa dips his chin to his chest, a breathy sigh leaving his lips as he moves. “I’m tired, Hwa. I’m so fucking tired. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

Seonghwa gnaws on the inside of his cheek. Hongjoong’s words sink through his skin, burrow their way into his veins, and go straight for his heart. What is he supposed to say to that? What’s the right thing to say? Is there even a right thing to say?

“We can stop,” he whispers, still not daring to look Hongjoong in the eye. “We can rest if that’s what you want us to do.” Seonghwa loses his grip on Hongjoong’s wrist, and his arm falls to his side uselessly.

“We can’t. I can’t. That’s not an option anymore. We have to keep going. Have to get to the treasure first. Have to find the Sirens first.”

Seonghwa wants to tell him. He wants to tell him about the others, he wants to give Hongjoong hope again, and he desperately wants to see the flames of determination flicker through Hongjoong’s eyes again. It’s been too long since he saw it last, the thing he’s always admired most about Hongjoong. The thing he first noticed the minute he and Hongjoong found each other on Dorado, stuck in that dingy old bar that smelled of rust and mold. He wants to see the light he saw when Seonghwa snatched his own pistol from the holster and held it to Hongjoong’s head. No fear, no surprise, no inquiry. Just… determination.

Prove yourself.

That’s what Hongjoong had asked him to do upon meeting him.

Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to be a pirate?

Determination, pride, confidence. Seonghwa misses it. With each passing day, more of those traits seem to ebb away from Hongjoong’s being, and Seonghwa fears what lies underneath it all.

If you can shoot a gun properly and be prepared to kill an innocent, you can join my crew.

Seonghwa still remembers the way his hand trembled and shook as he pointed that gun at Hongjoong’s head. Remembers it like it was yesterday. The cool tone Hongjoong had used when he tilted his head to the side and mocked Seonghwa for pointing a gun at someone who wasn’t innocent. When Hongjoong bore his identity and title with pride. Now it seems like he would rather throw it all away and run from what he is.

All that desire and wishful thinking – Seonghwa can’t tell him. There was trust in those promises, and Seonghwa can’t go back on it even if his morals are skewed and out of sorts.

“We have to get the treasure,” Hongjoong says, cutting through Seonghwa’s thoughts with a wavering voice.

“It’s okay,” he utters in response. “It’s okay, Joong. We don’t – there’s no guarantee that Jin has the other Sirens, or any Sirens. He can’t do anything without them. Without me.” Maybe it’s a lie – maybe Jin has five Sirens in his possession already, but Seonghwa can’t bring himself to believe that considering what he knows.

“He already knows the identity of one, and that’s you, Seonghwa.” Hongjoong jabs a finger at Seonghwa’s chest, hitting him squarely in the sternum, and Seonghwa’s breath hitches at the touch. “He knows where you are and what you are. We both heard what he said clear as day. Jin won’t stop until he has five Sirens, and you are one of them. He swore he would come back for you.”

“I know that.” Seonghwa smiles again at Hongjoong, but the gesture is strained and a bit melancholy this time. “I’m not worried. I’m not afraid of Jin coming for me. I can’t be, because I know that my captain won’t let Jin take me. My captain won’t let anything happen to me.” He reaches out again, hands closing around Hongjoong’s shoulders, and the man before him blinks up at Seonghwa in wonder and confusion. “I trust you with my life, Hongjoong. That’s never changed, and it never will. We’re in this together, whatever it takes, whatever the cost. We’ll get the treasure and get rid of Jin for good. Rest. We’ll all rest at last. So j-just – just trust me. Trust me the way you did when I held a gun to your head, and you trusted that I wouldn’t pull the trigger.”

“My life is already in your hands, Hwa…” Hongjoong whispers. His voice is barely above that low tone, but Seonghwa knows that if he spoke any louder, his resolve would crack and shatter.

“As mine is in yours. Now, come on. Can you please get some rest? Let’s… think about and talk about what’s next tomorrow. You’re too in your head to think about this right now.” Hongjoong manages a series of nods, then the breath leaves Seonghwa’s lungs as the man crashes against him, arms slung tight around his waist. Seonghwa returns the hug without hesitation. “Go,” he says when Hongjoong pulls back, ushering him over to the door that connects to Hongjoong’s bedroom. The captain does as told, and Seonghwa watches him disappear into the dark room before turning to face the mess Hongjoong made on the floor.

All reports, news headings, and articles concerning Sirens. One after another, Seonghwa picks them up, thumbing over the printed and scrawled words. Some contain notes in Hongjoong’s messy handwriting – ‘dead’, ‘followed 165 days ago’, ‘ask Seonghwa’, ‘need more information’ – and Seonghwa takes more time than is necessary to read over each word. He slowly organizes the papers before placing them back on Hongjoong’s desk, then stoops to collect the pens and other miscellaneous objects strewn across the floor. He freezes at the sight of a small gold medallion. Seonghwa recognizes it in an instant, along with the dried crimson staining the crevices of the rune over it. He lifts it by the chain, forgetting everything else on the floor in favor of running his fingers over the surface of the gold.

He’s a bit surprised to see it; Hongjoong had told him that he threw it out not long after Jin abandoned ship. It seems that had been a lie though, and Seonghwa isn’t sure why that upsets him as much as it does. He squeezes the medallion tight, the edges of the rune atop it pressing harshly into his skin, and when he stands up, he swears he nearly sees red. That feeling leaves as quickly as it comes because he catches sight of Hongjoong again. The man is already curled up on his bed – he didn’t even bother to pull the sheets back or crawl under them – and in the faint light pouring into the bedroom, Seonghwa sees the sense of peace and relaxation he missed. He steps into the room, chain still dangling from his hand. When he reaches Hongjoong’s side, he presses the necklace into Hongjoong’s limp palm, and the second the metal touches his skin, he instinctively closes his fingers around it.

“Goodnight, Joong,” Seonghwa whispers. It’s hard to pull away and walk out of the room with all the thoughts swirling through his head. One remains stronger than all the rest though, and that’s a distant memory of gentler and easier times, not long after Seonghwa became Lieutenant.

“Captain, you asked for me?”

“Come on, relax a little, Hwa. I didn’t call you here for business.”

The tall bottle of alcohol at Hongjoong’s side doesn’t escape his notice, and neither does the lack of a glass to go along with the open bottle.

“Drinking straight out of the bottle, Captain?”

“I’m too lazy to get up and get the cups.”

“Of course you are.”

“Let’s celebrate your promotion, yeah?”

Seonghwa shakes his head a little, moving further into Hongjoong’s quarters. He stops at the cabinet near the door and collects two tumblers from the shelves. When he turns back to Hongjoong, the man has a small smile playing at his lips.

“Where’s Jin?” Hongjoong inquires as Seonghwa places the glasses before him on the desk. “I need to talk to him.”

“He’s flying the ship like you asked him to.” Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, a slight chuckle slipping through. “Would you like him to abandon his post?”

“Now, now. No need to be snarky, Hwa.” Hongjoong pours some of the dark liquor into each tumbler. The smile never leaves his lips, even as he pushes one of the glasses towards Seonghwa. Seonghwa leans down to pick it up, then tilts it in Hongjoong’s direction, returning his smile with one of his own.

“Cheers, Joong.”

Hongjoong nods and brings his glass up. Seonghwa mimics his movements. The alcohol burns as Seonghwa downs it, a taste he’s used to, and he clears his throat after it passes through.

“Captain, if you don’t mind me asking… why did you choose me to be Lieutenant?” Hongjoong’s lips draw together to form a tight line. He doesn’t answer right away, and that causes Seonghwa’s gut to twist a little as anxiety churns in him. He tries to down his glass of liquor faster in the hopes of drowning the feeling.

“I trust you. Is that not enough?”

“You trust Jin as well. Enough to pilot the ship, which is something you’ve never let me do.” Seonghwa doesn’t intend for the words to sound so bitter, but Hongjoong doesn’t seem to be affected by the slight annoyance in his tone.

“I do, yes, but you’re special. You have qualities that Jin doesn’t. I know you’re loyal to a fault. Responsible. A good leader. If anything were to happen to me, I would want you to take my place in a heartbeat. I never considered Jin for the position.”

“Don’t think like that, Joong.” Seonghwa smiles a little at the captain, but the gesture is meant to comfort himself more than anything else. Hongjoong swirls his glass a bit, the alcohol tossing and turning in the tumbler, before he glances up at Seonghwa again.

“I know I’m not invincible. Let’s call it a failsafe.” Silence drapes over the pair, but Hongjoong doesn’t let it last long. “How are the new crew members integrating? Everyone getting along okay?”

“They’re all doing well.” Seonghwa nods against the rim of his glass. “Most have been pirates or criminals of some sort before. All excited to join the legendary Scourge though. There’s two that I’m not entirely sure about. The blond boy and his friend with the collar.”

Hongjoong hums a little in response.

“Yeosang and Wooyoung, was it?”

“Yes, they’re both a bit withdrawn. Nervous or anxious or something like that. It’s evident that both have been kept as slaves at some point in their lives, even Yeosang. He seems to be able to hold his own, so I’m confident that he’ll do just fine after a bit of time on the ship.”

“And Wooyoung?”

“I’m not sure about him…” Seonghwa trails off, blinking into the dark liquor in his glass. “There’s something about Wooyoung. I can’t – I can’t place it. He’s different, but I don’t know if that means he’s a danger to the crew or not. I can keep an eye on him though, if needed.”

“No, that’s not needed.” Hongjoong shakes his head. “Not for the time being at least.”

“Is it time to pursue a new lead? It’s been almost a year since we last went after one.”

“All business now that you’re Lieutenant, huh?” A chuckle leaves Hongjoong’s chest, and the sound reverberates through the glass in his hands. “We have time. I haven’t heard anything dramatic. We need to avoid Aurum anyway, and that’s where the next lead is. I got a transmission from a friend on Aera, however… something intriguing. Apparently, one of the Royal Military’s highest caliber soldiers stole the file they have for me on Aera. No one knows why, but the soldier was jailed and branded a traitor for other reasons after stealing my file. He escaped. I don’t want to go anywhere near Aurum if that traitor is after me. That’s what I needed to talk to Jin about.”

Seonghwa nods slowly but doesn’t lift his gaze to look Hongjoong in the eye. “Do you want another drink?”

“Hit me.”

✧✧✧ a/n: hello hello tis time for a seongjoong chapter god bless it’s what we deserve and need in our lives ;-; i hope you guys enjoy this insight into them and their relationship as well as some ~backstory~ hehe

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