#yknow what if i just. start to post my art more. who cares what people think and all that

[shiningnightstars]

Victim I made in this whiteboard :D

Hope you enjoy 👍

(Reblogs > Likes)

[crystallinecardinal]

So I was thinking about Starlo and Chujin

Hi. I love overanalysis. It’s in my blog title as “lore enthusiast.” Most of this probably means nothing and was unintentional, but I’m like an English teacher when it comes to media I like and am scrounging for canon content— I will see something that might have capital I Implications if you think about it hard enough, and I will shake you by the shoulders and go “WHAT DOES IT MEAAAN”

Which brings me to Starlo and Chujin and a thing I noticed while looking through the Spriter’s Resource for Starlo references. Long rant and UTY spoilers below the cut.

I should start off by saying that Starlo and Chujin are similar, in a way. Both of them are nerds, although for different things. Both are said to be caring. Both dedicated their lives to their work. Both wanted to help monsterkind. Both loved Ceroba. Both had secrets.

These similarities have not gone unnoticed, I’ve found— both by the fandom and the devs of UTY.

(Transcript:

Sword: “It does make sense that, like, Chujin and Starlo are kinda similar, and Ceroba, yknow…. She has a type, I guess.”)

So it’s not a secret these two are similar, and it’s probably intentional to make them parallel each other.

But from there, we get to the meat of this post:

These sprites.

This is where I dive into a lot of overanalysis— I’m giving that as a warning before I start. My point here though, is that these two sprites feel incredibly similar in a way where I speculate if it was intentional or not.

I’ll play devil’s advocate first, though. I’m an artist. I draw things, mostly characters and creatures. Sometimes you just have two pieces looking similar— not because you intended it that way, but because the blocking and composition was best that way.

For Starlo’s sprite, the answer feels simple. All of Starlo’s talk portraits are front facing, so this one doesn’t have a need to be any different. If it was, it may feel out of place amongst all the other sprites, especially because there isn’t a reason for him to have this sprite in particular face a different direction. He isn’t looking around, and isn’t averting his gaze. He’s being direct. The best way to convey that is with eye contact (or at least, implied eye contact) via a front facing sprite. Additionally, even if Starlo was averting his gaze, with how UT’s talk sprites work, there are better ways to convey that than changing the way his talk sprite faces.

Starlo’s character as himself also contributes to the way this sprite looks. It’s a direct contrast to the loud, boisterous North Star. This is the monster behind the persona— one who’s a lot less confident, one who thinks himself a ghost to the people around him. A “nobody farmer,” in his words. When trying to get this across, art-wise, the way Starlo’s talk sprites look as opposed to North Star’s talk sprites are a perfect fit! It’s in the subtle expressions versus animated expressions. This is even down to how Starlo’s glasses are drawn, not showing his eyes behind them, giving him a much more distant look.

As for Chujin’s sprite, the answer also feels fairly simple. The sprite pictured earlier was for his tapes, where it would make sense for most of his sprites to be front facing. He’s talking to the camera, it’s a video log. Being silhouetted also works here— it makes him more mysterious in a way.

That’s what I have to say if you look at it JUST from an art point. However, we like to be a little silly in this house (my blog), so I’m going to overanalyze the hell out of this.

So. The pose.

I’m probably going insane at this point. I’ve already explained the most likely reason for the poses being similar, and don’t get me wrong, that’s probably the main reason why. But also— note the eyes.

According to the Spriter’s Resource, Chujin’s sprites usually have his eyes visible from behind his goggles.

But.

There are exceptions.

I think the reason for this lies in the same reason we never see Starlo’s eyes behind his glasses after he takes the hat off. I explained this earlier when discussing the artistic reasoning behind these sprites— not seeing Starlo’s eyes makes him appear more distant, which highlights the part of his character that’s much less confident in himself. We go from seeing his eyes (or at least, the shape of them behind his glasses, this is a consistency with UTY sprites I can talk about later) to not at all.

This is what makes Chujin’s sprites so important to me.

We’re meant to like Chujin. At least, before we know the truth. We’re meant to think he was always a kindhearted man, a loving father and husband, and a good mentor. All the good things. It’s only as the game continues that you see the imperfections. By talking to Dina, you see he didn’t like the Wild East due to what it stood for, and you learn of the time he came into the saloon all disheveled, uncharacteristically asking for a drink, only mentioning he thought he “saw a ghost”. You learn in the Steamworks of his research, and how he wasn’t as good at robotics as he was made out to be.

That’s what makes Chujin flawed, though. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, none of these things will make a player dislike him. As said— we’re supposed to like Chujin. An opinion and a mysterious saloon visit isn’t the end of the world. We also grow to learn more and more about him, and he seems just like a kind man with a love for robotics (even if he struggled).

And then we learn of Ceroba’s plan. And we learn of something hidden in the abandoned Ketsukane Estate.

This is the first time in the Pacifist route that we actually SEE Chujin, first in a photo.

Note the eyes.

We see Chujin’s eyes behind his goggles here! Once again— this is likely for the reason mentioned before. We’ve only been told mostly good things about Chujin so far! Here’s a photo of him and his family— how could this kind man be wrapped in anything suspicious?

Which then makes the sudden change in the tapes crucial.

We can no longer see his eyes— he’s grown distant, mysterious. This is the part of Chujin that he kept secret from even Ceroba, up until he was on his deathbed. It’s the part of him that isn’t necessarily the loving husband and father we know him as, but rather, this is the part of him that was a determined researcher on a mission. And therefore, Chujin goes from lively to cold.

I’m sure that last bit doesn’t ring any alarm bells at all.

Hey! Remember how I said Starlo and Chujin are similar in ways? This is where I get into that. I’m applauding you from behind my screen if you’re still reading.

I’m now going to talk about Starlo and Chujin as characters, as well as the parallels between the two sprites that started this analysis. For simplicity, I’ll break these into sections. Funky names for a funky reading experience, so I’m not just word dumping at you.

1) Got a secret, can you keep it?

Soooo. Chujin and Starlo’s secrets.

One of the first things that rings alarm bells for me is the situation in which both of the sprites I’m analyzing pop up in. Context is key. Specifically, both of the sprites are used when we’re learning the truth about each character.

For Starlo, we’re learning about who he really is, the monster behind the persona. He takes his hat off, reveals the monster underneath, and we get his new talk sprite. He’s finally stopping, for a second— taking a moment to break the act he’s been playing for YEARS. And he does it all to show Ceroba he’s still there underneath it all, as well as reveal to Clover who he really is. He’s at his most vulnerable state, revealing how he sees himself as a nobody, and a fraud.

For Chujin, we’re learning part of the truth of who he was, when he’s at his most morally dubious. We learn of his experiments, the ones he worked on and hid from his family until he was about to die— only then did he tell Ceroba. We also learn of his views and opinions, the reasoning behind them, and how he lied about his job at the Steamworks. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Ceroba he was fired, because he didn’t want her to think less of him.

So, the main points of this:

Starlo and Chujin both had their own secrets

Both of their secrets are revealed when these sprites are used

Both secrets reveal more about the characters’ identities

Both want to be seen in a good light

The main difference, I think, other than what the secrets entail themselves, are what they mean for each character.

2) Light and dark symbolism?? In MY overanalysis??? It’s more likely than you think

Chujin and Starlo’s secrets both weigh on them. Starlo doesn’t want to break character— he enjoys being North Star and wants to bring a smile to the faces of monsterkind. Chujin doesn’t want Ceroba to think any lesser of him for his mistakes.

Additionally, the reveal of their secrets marks two different things for their characters. For Starlo, it’s a step forward. For Chujin, it’s spiraling down.

This gets really fun considering these two sprites, and light and dark symbolism (not in the traditional good versus evil way).

Starlo’s in the light. He’s showing himself, he’s maturing. He’s being incredibly vulnerable for probably the first time in a LONG time, and finally breaking the persona. He’s working towards a better goal, accepting both North Star and Starlo as facets of himself, but it starts with taking off the hat. It starts with coming into the light, and letting the shadows fade away.

Chujin is silhouetted in darkness. As said previously, we only ever hear mostly good things about Chujin from those who were around him (barring Starlo, although that’s secondhand information, and by some extent, Dina). Martlet and Ceroba saw the best in him, a mentor and loving husband respectively. But as he rambles off to his tapes, shrouded in shadow and secrecy, we learn of what was happening behind the scenes: he reveals part of who he really was, and how much he hid away from those he loved, all away from the rose colored glasses.

3) “Your opinion is wrong” -Chujin, probably

To just point out more ways Chujin and Starlo parallel yet also contrast one another (which I will mention for the section after this as well): I think it goes without saying that Starlo and Chujin have opposite worldviews when it comes to humans.

Chujin believes the worst in humans, primarily due to the Snowdin Attack. He hates them— The War was when the blade was plunged into monsterkind’s flesh, and the Snowdin Attack was only a twist of the knife.

Starlo admires humans, maybe a bit too much for some monsters. He loves their stories, loves the idea of cowboys and Westerns, so much so he creates the Wild East with his posse.

This is what makes these two different, only strengthening the light/dark contrast. The ideas of hate and admiration fit well into that theme, don’t they?

Stick with me here. I promise this is going somewhere.

4) “Monsterkind’s Hero is a title soaked in blood.”

So, the aforementioned views of humans? This gets really fun when you apply it to the crux of Starlo and Chujin’s missions: to help monsterkind during their time underground.

Both want to be heroes, in a way. They both want to help. Of course, this is in different ways— but the main intention behind it is the same.

Chujin, as said, hates humans. He wants monsters to be brought to justice. After the Snowdin Attack, he decides that if he can’t help through Axis, then he’ll help another way. Thus starts Chujin’s dedication to his experiments, which he makes his work and eventually the rest of his life. All of it for a chance to help monsterkind when the time comes.

Starlo’s dedication to the Wild East is similar, in a way, yet directly contrasts Chujin. His admiration for humans and Westerns goes to the point he wants to provide monsterkind with their own “slice of the Surface.” He wants to see those around him smile— his own way of helping monsterkind when they’re still stuck underground.

My point here is that while they find different ways to accomplish their missions (and you can drag more light/dark symbolism out of this— Chujin hidden away in the shadows of the basement in the Ketsukane Estate versus Starlo out in the spotlight), both have so much dedication to it that it becomes their lives.

Chujin, although having a family he loved and cared for, let his experiments drive him onwards to the point it cost him his life. Starlo willingly gave up who he was to be North Star, letting the Wild East become his life.

5) Yes, and?

I could go on and on about more similarities and differences between Starlo and Chujin, but I feel like I’ve brought up what I need to for now.

Why bring all of this up in the first place, though? What’s the point of going on about these characters’ missions, or their secrets, or all the light and dark symbolism you could hypothetically draw from it?

Let me talk about those sprites again.

I’ve spent ages going on about Starlo and Chujin, and how they parallel, yet contrast each other. They’re foils, in a way. These similarities and differences are what make these two little sprites so interesting to me.

You could say it’s all because that’s what the scene needed at the time, and that statement likely has truth to it. I already talked about how. But the knowledge of the context of the scenes and these two characters is what makes me wonder if it all was done on purpose.

Chujin, shrouded in shadow, revealing a part of him kept secret from even those he loved most. His reasoning for his hatred for humans comes on full display, and he begins to formulate a mission, the same one his life would eventually fall to. If the royals won’t see how much he cares for monsterkind, he’ll show it himself.

Starlo, left in the Swealterstone’s light, revealing a part of him the Wild East knows nothing of. His mission starts to redefine itself, and it’s original intent becomes more clear. He only ever wanted to be someone. He only ever wanted to help. Maybe now, with the hat off, he can learn to make others happy, but not forget himself in the process.

A conclusion:

So. Do I think that these two sprites for Starlo and Chujin were intentionally made to parallel yet also contrast each other?

My answer is a big fat Maybe. I can’t be entirely sure.

Truth is, I’m not a UTY dev. I literally only discovered and got into this game a little over a month ago. I don’t know the true intent behind the spritework, I don’t know the conversations that happened behind the scenes. I am literally just A Guy ranting on the internet about a silly little fangame that I have brainrot over.

But! I do have a finalized game and commentary I can analyze, and knowing that some spritework details were intentional (the way that Chujin’s talk sprites face are made to match Ceroba and Kanako’s), I could see something like this being either intentional or a really fun coincidence. The type of thing the devs can look back on and realize “oh! That’s funny how I accidentally made that parallel. I didn’t mean to do that, but it works.”

I can only hope it was intentional. Chujin and Starlo are both incredibly interesting characters to me, especially in how they can be seen as foils. Something as minor as this I think just shows the love put into this game and these characters. UTY is just a great game overall, in my opinion.

But yeah! That’s my ramble, all because I was doing sprite studies and looking for references in the Spriter’s Resource for art. Hopefully I made at least some sense :)

[damnfandomproblems]

4814

Same... Ive gone through so many blogs on here trying to have a fresh start and give fandom another chance hoping if i just "do it right" ill have fun... But the thing is i havent been having fun in like... 8 years. Im only 20 and i remember the 20 year olds i followed back when i was around 12. I know fandom has been on the deline for far longer but atleast i was able to have fun then, bit now i look at the 20 year olds and teens of today and i just feel so... Depressed. Im constantly tired and no one is friendly or fun anymore. I miss the blogs where i could look forward to seeing post everyday and talk to and have fun with... But now everyone is so on edge and even i have trouble interacting with people on my blog or even posting anything cuz its just like "is this going to get me harassed today?" "Is this tame and acceptable enough to not get me harassed?"

Even though i know i shouldnt care its really just me not wanting to deal with unnecessary drama that could be avoided if people werent so stupid

Cant do anything without performative activists threatening to harass you and having the constant fear of what if someone is so deranged that this tiny little insignificant thing will make them decide to doxx me or something...

Ive noticed more and more how empty fandoms feels yknow? Kinda feels like a warzone with a lot of mostly abandoned and broken buildings. A community board here and there, some people loitering about and some hidden places that are really picky about who they let in. And a hell of a lot of soldiers (antis) who will come beat you up if you look suspicious, or they just dont like you for whatever reason... Thats really how it feels and it really sucks.

I want it to be lively like a giant ren faire, packed full of people and art and music and just fun in general. A place where we don't need to have a background check of every person we so much a look at in order to play hopscotch or something with them.

Posting as is.

[nicodrawings]

Hi! I’m a somewhat new follower, and I loved your milesganke art so much!

I wanted to ask for your own potential headcanons regarding the miles and ganke’s relationship dynamics.

(I.e. marriage, any arguments, what they’re like living together,…. possible future kids👀, etc.)

Lol hopefully this question isn’t confusing.😭

AAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok Imma type the rest cuz my hand is getting tired

-Miles and 20 and Ganke is 19 when they move out. Ganke and Miles see their families once a week.

-I’ve said this before but Miles doesn’t go to college. He trains under Misty Knight and works with S.H.E.I.L.D more as he’s learning more about detective work (and is lowkey preparing to take over as the the new Spider-Man leader once Peter retires)

-Ganke is going to school for tech shit but eventually changes is major to social work (there’s a huge reason for this that I’ll get into in another post)

-They end up adopting a black cat that was called Midnight at the shelter but never really responded to the name. The people working at the shelter said “looks like she chose you” seeing how well she bonded with Ganke immediately. He renamed her CoCo. She’s a sweet girl, a little weird though.

-They aren’t super PDA with each other but much like how Peter and MJ are in my AU (who also aren’t super PDA) you could hear a conversation they’d have with each other and be like “oh! They really care for each other”

-they switch chores and household responsibilities depending on work and school scheduling

-They can both be workaholics AND night owls so they constantly have to hold each other accountable for yknow…resting.

-they make a specific day out of the week where they both do nothing having to do with school or work. They just sleep in and have a slow morning and watch Burn Notice all day and talk about nothing and anything all at once.

-They’re both not screamers when they argue but can throw some hurtful words around that they regret saying once they cool down. Also Ganke can be dismissive when he’s irritated or angry. Something they learn to work on overtime.

-Big spoon/Little spoon is interchangeable depending on how they sleepin that day.

-Miles is the better cook. He like cooks well without even trying. It infuriates Ganke but he can’t be too mad cuz he gets to eat the food.

-It would be 5 years before Miles pops the big question.

-Miles is a giant sap who knew he was gonna marry Ganke the moment they started dating.

-He would propose at the park. He proposed there because that’s where they would have playdates when they were kids.

-Ganke just laughs because he planned on proposing to him a week later. He obviously says yes.

-The wedding isn’t big. They make sure to save a seat for Gankes dad. He put a framed picture on his chair to represent his attendance.

-They do the same for Uncle Aaron despite him and Miles’s tumultuous relationship.

-Hobie is the best man

-Gwen is the maid of honor

-It would be about 3 years or so before they meet 2 super powered little ones, a boy and a girl. They’re fraternal twins. They end up adopting the twins.

This is it for now. I’m sure there’s more stuff my brain can’t think of right now. BUT THANK YOU THOUGH FOR BEING INVESTED ENOUGH TO ASK ME QUESTIONS YOU DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY IT MADE ME TO SEE YOU ASK THIS QUESTION!

I actually have so much set up plot wise for this AU that I might as well do it legitimately. But imma take my time if I do.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed my ramblings!

UPDATE: I meant to say that Miles is NOT out to his parents.

[whumpy-wyrms]

are u in any fandoms? what are ur interests besides whump? u don’t have to answer i’m just curious!!

someone’s asking me about my interests i can’t NOT answer

this got a bit long tho so i’m putting it under the read more for people who don’t care/are only here for the whump

OKOK. so i’m kinda in the starkid/nerdy prudes must die fandom rn but i know for a fact if i finished adventure time and started watching fiona and cake, that would quite literally become my entire personality for the next 3 months because simon and prismo (and marceline and princess bubblegum and all my other favorite characters) make me insane. but i haven’t done that because well. i’ve gotta write tllr yknow..

anyway, my absolute most favorite pieces of media of all time are undertale and deltarune guys. i cant put in words how much those games mean to me holy shit. as i’m writing this i’m sitting next to my jevil and sans and spamton plushie and they are saying hi. anywayyy yeah i was in the deltarune fandom for a bit it was fun. spamton is silly fucked up creature. jevil is my all time favorite tho

AND THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES… my favorite thing ever fr. y’all. LISTEN TO TMA SERIOUSLY YOU’LL PROBABLY LIKE IT!! it’s a horror podcast and it’s seriously the best fuckinf thing ever it’s so amazing seriously. it’s a bit hard to get into at first because season 1 is less story driven BUT HOLY SHIT. AHHHH ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. jon is one of my favorite blorbos ever and so is michael because he’s a silly distortion guy. just trust me and listen to TMA it will actually change your life.

also i love the amazing world of gumball so fucking much. i wasn’t allowed to watch cartoon network as a kid (idk why??) so i first watched tawog last year and holy shit holy shit it’s my favorite thing ever. rob. ROB!!!! ROB IS MY ALL TIME FAVORITE CHARACTER. SO IS MR SMALL. AHHHH!!!! anyway i love tawog i’ve drawn a lot of fanart and even wrote a 60k word fanfiction (about what happens after The Inquisition because that ending fucked me up) that i’ve Never and will probably never show anyone because it’s probably Not that good. but it was sooo Important to me back then. tawog just means so much to me it :))) it changed me as a person. nobody’s a nobody and everybody is weird like you and me.

i also really like hollow knight! i haven’t played it in a while but i was at 111% completion on one of my playthroughs (CURSE YOU PANTHEON 4). i’m also super fucking excited for silksong obviously and i will say this now: WHEN SILKSONG FINALLY RELEASES… i will probably go on hiatus here LMAO. sorry but guys. SILKSONG…. honestly same for new deltarune chapters. the second chapters 3, 4, and 5 release it is sooo over for me. i probably won’t post much here for a few months during that. but that’s fine!! i’ll never abandon tllr but sometimes some things are more important to my silly little brain :3

gravity falls quite literally changed my life in 2018. like i can’t even explain it, but it’s how i was introduced to online fandoms and fanart in general. dipper LITERALLY made me trans (not literally but pretty much). it’s how i started watching other amazing cartoons and series i love, it’s literally what made me get into drawing art and writing and stuff. it’s what made me start making ocs. it literally made me an artist guys. which is how i started writing. without gravity falls and it’s effect it had on me, this account might have never existed?? i’m being super dramatic but wowww. i was so autistic about that silly cartoon

minecraft i love. i’ve been playing minecraft for over a decade and won’t stop because it’s like, probably a special interest of mine? i’ve watch minecraft youtubers forever too, hermitcraft and the life series are my favorite. i’m a huge grian fan too, been watching him since the evo days. anyway if u play minecraft and wanna play with me sometime, feel free to ask!!! :D i love making new friends and playing video games with people!!! let’s make a world together!!!

also i like terraria and stardew valley, and animal crossing new horizons but i haven’t played that in a few years. hmm other games i like are oneshot game, NITW, omori, celeste, cuphead, fnaf (although i’ve only played the first 5 games and am super super behind on the lore), ori, dead cells, untitled goose game (this is for u anon), and probably more i’m forgetting! feel free to recommend me some video games and we can even play together :3

other series i love are the umbrella academy. soooo autistic about this show it’s fucking AMAZING!!!!!! klaus is my favorite character. anyway i also like what we do in the shadows. it made me super autistic about vampires (before i watched this show i kinda thought vampires were cringe IDK WHY I’M SORRYY). the netflix show lucifer made me insane a few years ago and is what probably indirectly inspired me to give Dew wings. i also like our flag means death, breaking bad, moon knight, and camp here in there (another podcast i HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend, will wood made the soundtrack!)

i LOVEEE FINAL SPACE!! avocato has been my pfp on this account forever and now i feel like i can’t ever change it (i don’t want to). final space is seriously amazing!!! but it was cancelled and basically got fucked over by the networks- infinity train style. idk, stuff happened and it was removed from hbo max so there’s not really anywhere to watch it (legally) except for netflix international iirc? but it’s getting removed from that too i think. super fucking sad :( it ended on a huge cliffhanger too BUT there is a graphic novel being made!!!! super excited about that!

other cartoons i like are over the garden wall (dressed up as wirt for halloween last year), the owl house, adventure time, regular show, steven universe, infinity train, bojack horseman, rick and morty, mlp, the midnight gospel, and so much more i’m forgetting. OH anime i like are death note, demon slayer (haven’t caught up yet on the latest seasons tho), and MOB PSYCHO 100!! vampire in the garden on netflix is really amazing as well.

this is sooo long but now i gotta talk about my favorite music artists. WILL WOOD (AND THE TAPEWORMS) IS MY FAVORITEEE. I ALSO LOVEEE JHARIAH!!! AND HARLEY POE!!!!! top three of all time. i also like toby fox obviously, and glass beach (LITERALLY GOING TO SEE THEM IN MARCH AND I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!), mcr, shayfer james, weezer, mitski, lemon demon, set it off, tally hall, gerard way, and probably more i’m forgetting. i also like musicals!! (i was in the spongebob musical earlier this year for school! i was larry the lobster :))

so guys. GUYSSS. IF YOU LIKE MUSICALS, GO WATCH NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE!!!! OR JUST WATCH THE ENTIRE HATCHETFEILD TRILOGY!!! WHILE UR AT IT, WATCH ALL THE STARKID MUSICALS ACTUALLY!!! this is my current hyperfixation. the lords in black are amazing, npmd is amazing. i love everything about it. go watch it seriously, it’s fucking awesome and the soundtrack is AMAZING!!!

i think this is it. this got super long but i’m super passionate about my interests so yeah. this is pretty much everything. one very important thing (literally my special interest) that i didn’t mention are my other ocs. i have wayyy more ocs that are completely separate from the tllr ones. i don’t wanna post about them here though, cuz they’re not whump related and i want to keep my main account separate from this account. but they’re my favorite blorbos in existence so…

if u WANT to know about my other ocs, u can feel free to dm me for the username of my other fandom/oc account. that’s where i post other stuff that i don’t post here, like my fanart and my other oc stuff. i don’t post writing or anything like that there, so ur not missing out on that.

anyway those are most of my main interests! things i didn’t mention that im also really interested in are reptiles (snakes specifically), and animals in general. i have two leopard geckos named Lars and Alphys and i reallyyyy want a pet snake but my family hates snakes :(( anyway i’m rambling

thanks for the ask!!

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

Yknow what. I’m not done complaining about dc. I started bitching in the tags of my prev post & i have more feelings. I get a stack of dc every month & we’ll take the vertigo (i refuse to call it anything else if only cause it’s shorter) stuff out i still have like 6 titles a month. That is if dc decides they’ll actually put out a jsa issue that month. The ones I’m most excited to read rn? Flash, Birds of Prey, & Green Arrow. Why? Cause the characters feel like the characters i fell in love with & the story is actually compelling. Yes, green arrow is suffering hard from the crossover shoehorning but the whole physically cannot occupy the same time and space as the people you love is a legit issue for Ollie & fascinating gotcha from Merlyn. Like, it’s novel! And I’m curious to see how it shakes out. The weird string theory/comic book physics around the speed force that spurrier is doing in flash is honestly REALLY cool. I’ll be the first to say i couldn’t care less about the speed force. It works cause it’s plot the only reason the flashes study it is cause they’re a bunch of adhd scientists who can’t help themselves & the writers feel the need to put their stamp on it. The whole weird dimensions & alien beings & time cops is super strange but hella compelling & the way it’s affecting the characters & eroding their relationships which are so core to flash characters is really amazing I love how much it hurts. Truly i cannot wait to see how exactly this shakes out. Know what I don’t care for? Whatever the fuck Amanda Waller is doing. I, who normally hates “let’s study the speed force!” stories wishes we could get back to studying the speed force cause the whole ham fisted analogy crossover thing is so boring & not even original. I think dc has done this exact plot at least twice before. In main continuity. It pops up every couple years anymore & it will never be what the 80s x-men were & they need to just stop trying. And bop! I love bop right now! I could wax poetic about the art styles cause they’re stunning & SO expressive. In a post where I’m bitching about stories I’ll just leave it there. The story itself? Pretty interesting, if standard bop stuff at first. Gotta put a ragtag team of gals together to do something low key shady cause it’s the right thing. The team is a nice mix; tho I’m not sorry to see Harley go, she’s another character that I understand sells comics but I am so sick of seeing it is not even funny. It’s not even that I dislike her as a character I’m just over her being in every single comic. And the dimension hopping weird babs rescue mission? I’m in! Where we going next? What even is the reason? Sure, we just rescued sin in a very similar plot structure but idc! The writing is fun! The dialogue is fun! The page of Cass’s reactions to vixen’s lingerie options is BRILLIANT! Love the lineup! It’s nailing what I think jsa is attempting but in a more fun & lighthearted tone. Tbh I’m not sure cause I’m still not sure what’s going on in jsa since they seem to publish it at will every like 3-5 months so I have no real clue what’s going on in that one. And I’ve been reading it for like 2 years now. I’m so tired of Nightwing & titans. I, a titans girlie, find it so boring. They’re both boring! From go they’ve been extensions of each other which is frustrating. Some moments in each I really enjoy! But overall? I still don’t see where Nightwing is going & tbh it feels like dick has spent this whole time doing nothing. Despite the fact that we were told he did so much he got a key to the city! He did adopt a dog. That’s like the most memorable & only real thing that he achieved. Cause the foundation? He’s a bat. They all do that. And titans? Oh wow. Another Raven goes evil story. Wow. How shocking. How original. Like honestly, is there some word on high at dc about the titans not being allowed to do a story that isn’t rehashing Judas contract or trigon? Cause I cannot be the only person bored with those being the only 2 titans plots anymore.

[kethabali]

Hello, I’m Ameera a 23 years old Muslim lesbian who is trying to come out, I’ve been in the closet with my girlfriend for way too long, because of how dangerous and hard it is to come out as a lesbian to a religious Muslim family, but me and my girlfriend have decided to do whatever it takes and risk it all to come out, do you mind supporting and encouraging us?, we have the plan to go away which is why I have my donation campaign pinned on my profile, if I raise at least that goal I can start the process with my savings, I can’t come out until I’d gotten my apartment and I’m away from family, so please support by donating if you can and help reblog though I know we all have what we dealing with, so I’m not imposing we just need all the support and encouragement we can get, check my pinned post for more information on how you can support, if you are a Muslim queer and you are out, please help with tips on how to make it less complicated, any word of advice is also really needed, we really wanna come out but we need y’all 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ pride please come through for us, I believe pride is for all

hi,

i wish i had some amazing life changing advice for you but the truth is that it's painful to be outcasted from your family and the trauma that comes with it doesn't leave your body for a long time. once i was safe i started to unpack everything and its a long process but really worth it when u start feeling grounded and less anxious

i'm not muslim but my family is so i was raised with islam and they did a lot of stuff to try to deter me from living my truth including literally kidnapping me while we were in bangladesh right before my flight back. the entire family would talk shit behind my back and only "respect" me to my face to keep up the niceties

it's family and that makes it hard to let go and accept that they may never come around, at least not in this life time but surrounding yourself with friends and support - your chosen family is so important. we have to help each other because who else will yknow

community is so important for queer people so i encourage you to seek out other queer people any way you can in real life and online. i don't know what country you live in but i've found even in the most homophobic conservative countries the queer groups are there even if very underground and disguised as other things. i hope you can get in contact with some queer organizations and hopefully they can help you gather funds and help with your move. also message me privately with ur city and if its my city or one i'm familiar with maybe i can find you some resources

for me queer organizations literally saved my life. when i ran away i stayed in an apartment run by a queer youth shelter and they weren't perfect, they had a lot of faults but it gave me sanctuary away from my abusive parents and a chance to explore myself and be a normal kid for a while (i was 17). queer organizations also helped me get many things; clothes, hygiene products, chest binders, hrt, support applying to aid programs, doctor appointments when my insurance was a mess bc i was a literal child and had no idea how to navigate healthcare. it was just a really good thing for me to have as i transitioned into adulthood on my own.

so i say find all the mutual aid and organizations available in your area connect with at least one queer person in real life and its likely they will know others and slowly you can build your network of resources. take care of yourself best u can, try to eat well and drink enough water, get outside at least once a day, journaling and listening to music helps me a lot with processing emotions, confide in ur girlfriend or friends, do ART i really recommend this one it can be very therapeutic and healing. any type of art- drawing, painting, knitting, photography, dancing, singing etc it's good to express yourself in some way when everything else feels so restricted. try to have something for yourself to keep holding onto hope when things get really bad like maybe a pin, some type of token to remind you of your truth and that things won't be this way forever. remember that the entire queer community would back you up in a heartbeat and so many people will love you that you haven't even met yet!

[meat-pvppet]

Hiii hey helloooo really happy i found you! Im in love with your art, its so good! I wanted to learn about your ocs through that one post. Would love to get an answer for every single one, but to spare your time and fingers: alone, desire, future

I love Chasm and Tara so much you have no idea

YESSSS I GET TO TALK ABOUT MY GOOBERS HI HELLO ANON I LOVE YOU /plat

ok for this ill do both chasm and tara cuz theyre my little gabagoos and yes yes yes

ask game

CHASM

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Chasms alone most of the time so he's gotten kinda used to it, but he still has bouts of time where it gets to him, yknow?

Of course, hes never been truly truly alone cuz of Bridge, but generally speaking he gets really introspective about himself and how he interacts with others

how he wishes he could be more outgoing and expressive

hes tried that before though and its simply too draining to him

and it doesnt feel real cuz hes just acting and he knows it

so what would be the point?

he tries to distract himself as much as he can when he starts spiraling like this by doing maintenance on his guns, ship, sparrow, himself

read a little

do some organizing

anything to get him out of his own head

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

peace

whether that be peace in his own mind or across sol

he just wants all the fighting to stop

for the conflict to end

hes not even sure if he'll make it out of the next world-ending scenario that hes gonna get thrust into

or if his daughter will survive

he doesnt really talk about how he yearns for a day where a threat isnt looming over his shoulder every second of his existence

a day where he can freely relax with his daughter without wondering whether or not he'll get to see her again

or who will take care of her when hes gone

is that cuz he wants to keep up appearances? no

its cuz he knows everyone probably wants that too

no need to state the obvious

to fulfill it, to him, theres not much he can do than continue on as he is

continue on as a war machine

fight for his and all of humanity's peace

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

i think itd be either he dies, leaving tara alone to fend for herself

or she dies

one he can try to avoid but he can never guarantee

the other is unfortunately inevitable

teehee mortal daughter immortal father moment

TARA

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

tara isnt usually alone since she'll be online talking with friends or (on the rare occasion) out n about with them or playing gigs

when she is alone she ends up alot like chasm a little

quiet and stone faced

she gets pretty lonely whenever shes not around other people, but sometimes she just doesnt wanna be around other people at the same time

so she'll rot in bed for a while

or play guitar

or do whatever to entertain herself

she kinda suffers from chronic loneliness much like her dad so yeag

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

same with chasm id think

she could wish and pray and hope for this but theres not much she can do about it

other than spread peace and love through her music of course but she wishes she could be more proactive about it

like her dad

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

probably also losing chasm tbh

she already had the wake up call that chasm isnt actually immortal fully from the red war and him losing his light

so she knows he can die

and by the nature of being a guardian, he could die

and it would be a very violent death

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #18: the prologue (briefly) and meat p1

----brief context----

i sorta fell out of homestuck a little after i finished it and its november now but in light of james roach reviving homestuck beyond canon i figured i might as well get the ball rolling on this. i originally started this post in september but i couldnt find it in myself to continue reading due to not liking where the story was going and also finding myself having a new hyperfixation

----end of context----

september 7th:

okay im gonna make a rule that this shit show thats about to happen is NOT CANON to me and in my head they won and then they created earth c and they all lived happily without any of this inane bullshit thats coming up.

ok to start off look at these fucking tags dude oh my god this is gonna be so BAD man what the FUCK did they do to these characters

theres no art which actually sucks! but with these tags maybe its good they didnt show this in images. instead they just describe it in excruciating detail. anyway, here's the first character interaction in here.... they both feel different. even in this brief exchange, something feels... off. maybe its just cause theyre older but they feel distinctly more... angsty? maybe they just seem sad. i dunno. homestuck has its sad moments but for the most part the characters arent like. sad people

/rolls eyes yeah i like the reference but not in this context...

ok so rose just explained what john has to do which is go back into canon and defeat lord english but.... this is really fucked up man . she knows

meat or candy.... fuck which one should i read first.... do i wanna be sad sooner or sad later ... MAN the epilogues SUCK!!!!! FUCK

um okay this is really gross. what is the point of this?? like EW john what the fuck

ok this is fine i guess i mean i like davekat

i guess i also like how he still has this weird obsession with obama

november 10th:

im back . but i think updates to this series will be slower. i need to ease myself back into it yknow? also. if i hadnt made it clear. i DO NOT LIKE the epilogues. especially because homestuck proper is my FAVORITE MEDIA OF ALL TIME. seeing the characters i love ruined like this in what is the most official capacity it could be in is.... just. sad to me. anyway. dave predicts the future about obama . cool.

yeah i do too man. cant have shit around here

yeah like. what even is this plot. jane has become this evil xenophobic cartoon ass villain. and everyones just like. damn thats crazy that shes just like that now. i also dont even understand WHY she wants to be president of earth c. like literally everyone else is just chilling. god whatever

brother he is not coming back

also, this has nothing to do with the epilogues per se. but at the time of writing this tomorrow will be 11/11. i am a little bit expecting a homestuck beyond canon updateeee hehehe . also burning down the house which is a really really good homestuck fan comic is supposed to update too. so awesome. hopefully both of those things happen. or even like. just one. anyway back to this slop

casual dave xenophobia classic dave you know how it is he would definitely be like this for real i believe this

man this would be so cool if it was like. drawn. i wish i could see it instead of having to envision it in my minds eye. not that i dont appreciate my minds eye for what she has to offer me but. imagine this what this panel would look like

noooooo FUCK

stares at you furiously judgementally

okay both of them most likely dont know shit about shit and neither do i but dave at least grew up in a time where there were people around and things happening and dirk thinks he knows everything but he actually doesnt know anything so i wouldnt trust him on fiscal policy

fym nuh uh

average teen roxy adult john interaction

literally down ontologically at this point

blah blah blah ultimate self blah blah evil arc WHO CARES. im bored. can i say that. i seriously D. GAF about dirk rn. monkey d. gaf

bro i fucking HATE JANE. LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RIGHT NOW

i dont have much to say about this i just thought it was worth putting here

nah. cause what the hell are you talking about girl. hello. why is she so horny. ong bro u gotta relax

okay well. this is pretty funny . hes dave and im karkat and we are the denial brothers

youre so intolerable is crazy. like hes trying to help you because you are bleeding tf out girl

wow. jane jake kiss. this rules. SAID NO ONE EVER. jake is asexual. jane is a nazi. and I. AM TIRED. OF THIS!!!!!!! I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING .

wait fuck

marvel ass dialogue

NOOOO WHAT THE FUCK

okay this is the end of the first epilogues post. initial thoughts i dont like it why did i do this i dont wanna do it. but you know what they say in order to ascend first you must descend. little homestuck reference for you all. um idk when the next post will be im sorta busier than i used to be. and also? this sucks i dont like reading it

[aydascomprehendsubtext]

While I think the general Vibe of glass onion is less class warfare and more a particularly vicious satire of bad rich people I think Helen's final act burning the Mona Lisa is really weird and almost rubs me the wrong way in the opposite direction?

So like to start in a story way she absolutely has to burn it. Like it's the most chekovs gun to ever chekov. It's very well done visually with shots that parallel her and the painting, it's the narrative punch of the thesis about disruption.

But I also don't love it as a political message? Mostly because I'm also not impressed with the idea that the most devastating way to harm capitalism is by destroying... what we colloquially call high art and culture?

Two critiques to deal with first: First of all I've seen people say it's not the real Mona Lisa but honestly I can't stand that interpretation I don't see it in the actual film text I think it ruins the impact of it I do not see it. Secondly! I think that post I just rbed about knives out being movies that love kinda being Good at stuff is absolutely right. Theres a veneration of intelligence and Real creative works and artistry and Knowing stuff in all this. And I think there's a ton of problems with that. On the one hand I'm compelled by the idea that it's a critical first step to dissolve the perception that these tech dudes or politicians or celebrities DO actually know what they're talking about. Like I do think persuasion in this area specifically is a noble goal. But yeah probably more importantly it's a very cringefail liberal John Oliver fantasy to say that's enough to win! And that absolutely extends to high art - the first knives out the punchline about the kids is that they can't do complex creativity, don't appreciate their fathers art because they're nepo babies or whatever. Like wow yeah he's the good millionaire because he's nice and also because he's good at books. Glass Onion really is a new take in this regard because it's saying fuck that! Burn the Mona Lisa even if people love it ESPECIALLY if people love it.

BUT ALSO I have two kinda fundamental problems with this worldview that views culturally valued art as an inherently bourgeois phenomena. First of all like ok slight tangent but. lmao yeah ofc Ryan Johnson is talking about art that's what he does yknow? Like on some level I think it's a little strange whenever people criticize media for talking too much about Media. Like yeah capture more of the human experience but you probably know more about creating art than me because I don't make films!!!!

Second tho is way more important because fundamentally like. Idk if I agree that trying to make really good art is something to sneer at and I DEFINITELY don't believe sneering at people who intentionally don't engage or care is #praxis. And I'm open to the possibility that my classical liberalism Wes Anderson aesthetic upbringing has infused me w some bad instincts here but I just don't think it's a real life good idea to burn the Mona Lisa! One movie that I saw that I really loved this year was The Menu which was a vicious satire of the idea that people trying to do high art are engaging in it in bad faith. It says "cuisine is a scam a cheeseburger and crinkle cut fries are our only salvation." And like while I enjoyed that movie... I refuse the premise! I don't think art and striving for art that communicates and innovates and yes is frequently silly and self important is mutually exclusive with LOVING trash and when things are bad and the art fails at what it was trying to do but you love it anyway. I love bad art because it teaches me something about good art and vice versa. I think opera is probably a capitalist hellscape and yet we should have more opera singers not fewer. Idk how to synthesize this I love glass onion i think that last post about it is spot on media criticism and I also love the Mona Lisa and don't love a politics that says we should disrupt it.

[sleepyivoryrose]

I forgot completely was I wanted to write. I had a little jumpscare right now. Remind me to never, ever put tags in my posts again. People actually finding this blog scares the living shit outta me.

I mean, I'm doing this sort of for mental health purposes. Having a clear line what you wrote, when you wrote it, and why you wrote it, is much easier (and to be fair, feels less like a chore) than keeping a word document or a bullet journal or smt.

I could post everything privately though, now that I think about it...it's at least worth a consideration.

I guess...it's like screaming into an abyss or something. You like hear yourself echo, but there's always the possibilty that someone might greet back? even though everytime it happens, it scares me...

....

Today I ate too much letter soup. I know, it's for kids. I wanted to do myself a f(l)avor and (s)wallow in nostalgia for a while. Just like with everything though, I put a little bit too much. Same with my plants, I don't let them dry out, most of the time I overwater them. I give too much. Too much of a care, too much of a reaction. Maybe it's not enough though. So people would finally take me seriously. So that my own mom stops gaslighting me and the people who are supposed to help me don't believe a word I say. I guess it comes with the schizofrenic and pacifist territory. People suck sometimes.

But there's also a lot of good in the world. People tell me I should stop with the internet, and maybe they're right. I just had the experience that the nicest, most understanding, most lovable people I met, were on the internet.

Not to say that it's all roses and sunshine. Everytime I open twitter, I get a headache (but my longing for good art is stronger.)

I am fully aware that life isn't a walk in the park. I'm very sensitive though, even though online I seem brashen and temperamental and offline I'm kind of stoic, doesn't mean I'm completely either of those things. I hurt easily, and I have my coping mechanisms to protect myself.

----

I already have enough bad vibes as it is. People are instinctively untrusting of me, and my head feels like a black comedy.

I would love to be a more optimistic and fun person, that's why I go so overboeard with the fangirling sometimes. Also, it's fun!

Offline it just doesn't come naturally to me. My grip on myself there is so strong, that I barely talk or show much emotion. One of my caretakers thought I was autistic, and I would love to check it out, but Germanys medical system is on the border of collapse, so it's hard to find medical care for things that aren't, yknow, fatal.

And it's not like I don't get social cues, I think. On the contrary, I am very observant of the people around me. I just don't react much to it, is all.

So I kind of need a way out of this madness, ykno? And that's where this lovely blog comes in. It gives me a place to vent up my inner thoughts and feelings, even if I can't verbalize them spontaneously.

...

Huh, jolly writing about stuff helped me forget my ear pain. Maybe it's stress induced...? - mumble mumble-

Well, anyways. Right now there is still no honking. On the other hand, the soccer game starts in like, 3 mins.

To end this on a good note, my friend came all happy and excited from a convention. I'm so happy for her. She saw a ton of cosplayers, and bought a lot of stuff. I am really glad she had so much fun.

I don't think, with my actual social anxiety and energy levels, that I would survive a convention, even if it sounds really fun.

---

There's a sweet smell in the air...either my roommate just showered (which would be odd, she normally does that in the morning) or the flower bushes three streets away smell into my room. Or are they roses? It's like a floral, sweet smell...! the heavy, hot air of a lingering thunderstorm seems to have carried it here. Nice.

Anyways, on that poetic word I'm gonna end my monologing for today. Or maybe not...who knows.

Deuces!

[dsi-os]

to the anon

a genuine response and message for you.

look anon, im sorry for your harsh situation. but also i dont think you even bothered to read my post. i do not hoard the money i work for and the money thats donated. it goes to my survival. and i literally do work to make enough for me to leave my bad housing and start over. once again. i dont specifically ask for it. im not forcing anyone to donate. its fully optional. would you rag on any creator on patreon for asking for donations? would you rag on anyone who is trying to escape a bad housing for asking for donations? id hope you dont. honestly anon, you should ask for donations too. there are people. strangers. who care about you. who want to help you. kindergarten teaches everything about helping eachother. you shouldnt see donations as a horrible thing. theres no shame in asking for help. please anon. what youre going through seems horrible, but thats no excuse for treating me like this and assuming every wrong thing about me. anon. get help. i dont mean that in a bad way. please, genuinely. find people who can help you. at first you made me angry, and while i'm still upset, im actually worried. you have a point, i do have a "safer" situation. but this isnt a homelessness competition.

anon please. go get help. /srs. youre not safe where you are. theres no shame in letting others help. and you can always pay them back if youd like to. i plan on doing the same once i have a safe place and stable income. im not going to be showing your ask publicly, once again, but im not trying to "hide the truth" or whatever. that was for your own safety and privacy. you shared information that you probably shouldnt be sharing to someone random just because you dont like them. but really. please open your donations. hell. once i can get money, even i'd donate. you've made me upset, but you need help. genuinely. im worried for you dude. sorry for blocking you and all that, and if you open your donations, after i donate i might just block you again because. i understand your bad situation but youre really an asshole about it. (considering in the last ask you sent, you compared me to the terf begging for money because she lost her food stamps, meanwhile im a whole ass trans person who is just simply asking for optional donations because im not in a safe place and it makes it easier for me to get a place .) also. to clear things up: -i said id buy a house because theres no rentable houses, apartments, or shelters. i cant even find roommate listings that i could go to yet. im trying to make it so we DONT need to be on the streets again. idk if maybe i worded it wrong? because i said "buy, if not rent" as in "if i cant find something to rent, i'll need to buy it" . so im sorry if it goes the other way around, as "rent, if not buy" ?? i really thought i worrded that right -i AM using the money to get out of the house . but i also need to survive . so . yknow. im not sure what youd expect. every shelter where i live is fucking expensive if that tells you anything. -yeah. my parents are working and so am i. are we making ANYWHERE NEAR ENOUGH? no. we arent. do you know jobs that actually pay enough to let you get shelter?? id love to hear. /srs -i barely have an income. ive gotten more money with the few donations ive ever gotten than ive EVER made with my commissions. my commissions do not bring in a reliable income. i can not survive off of them. -my donation post didnt become a meme. i linked my donation post ON a meme i made, because it was getting traction. in the same vain as when people promote their art stuff under hit posts. except my stuff is optional. -the truth of your ask was literally saying "shame on me" for asking for donations. you literally said this: (im only showing this one because you requested me to. and again, how much was incorrect, for context.)

you literally told me the equivalent of "you need help to survive? go fuck yourself" instead of saying anything helpful. AND more than HALF of the assumptions was wrong, as i showed you before. -people DO care if it doesnt belong to me. im constantly under threat about it. if they didnt care then i'd call this home. but its not my home. i dont belong here. its a house i barely have permission to stay at. -id never ask people who cant donate to EVER donate to me. its optional. im not forcing anyone to. everyone who does donate is because theyre nice people. even if they dont know me, they want to help. -i was talking about buying a house because theres nothing else we can do to be safe. theres no shelters. no roommate things. no apartments we can AFFORD. the only thing we found we might be able to afford as a shelter was an old trailer house! big surprise really. for you AND us. thats why thats our newest and safest plan and option. were working towards that. honestly we were hoping we can end the donation thing soon, so youre literally upset when were finally near the end of this. -lastly. this? -v

can be easily disproven with -v

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GoFundMe - i may not have my gofundme anymore because i lack the correct phone, but my point stands. life is hard for everyone, and they DO ask for money. they reach out for help. i am legally homeless. and poor. i am housed, but not under proper law. my aunt mistreats me and my parents. my focus is on my safety and leaving this place. all my money has to be constantly used to buy food. most of it not even ever going to me, and its never even enough to feed my family properly. none of this is a joke. anon. please. get help. /srs please open your donations. please ask for help from people you know and trust. itll only get worse if you dont. i only ask for help because me and my family arent able to make enough to get out by ourselves. youll find so many like us on gofundme and similar things. i am not doing this out of greed. im doing this out of necessity. trust me. it doesnt feel good having to rely on strangers and their kindness. but i physically cant do anything else yet. please keep yourself and the people you trust safe dude. i dont care if you hate me, or if you made me angry. please. ask for help. youre not safe. im not just saying this out of a "told you so". im saying this because you need help. youre not alone. the internet is much kinder than you think, as long as you dont attack first. /gen

again. i dont care if you hate me. i dont care if youre upset at me. i dont care if my existence and failure to find work and survive makes you so angry alone. i want you to ask for help. unfortunately not here, because... i cant help you with my situation. but anywhere else. trust me. youll be okay. asking for donations isnt as bad as you make it out to be. genuinely. please be safe, please ask for help, please take care of yourself. maybe in the future i can help you too. we'll see. for now, i will not be responding or showing any more asks you send me. for the fact that youre extremely rude, and you keep sharing information that again, you shouldnt share to a random stranger. i wish you luck. somewhere. not here. please leave me alone, until you learn how to behave and treat people. please be safe out there. good luck. /gen goodbye. tl;dr: i know you hate me for the fact i cannot do the same things as you, and so i ask for help. but i want you to ask for help too. you need it. genuinely. please be safe. take care of yourself. i wish you luck.

[ajxrn-archive]

rant under the cut . doubt anyone will see it but who cares anymore.

.

I’m tired of not being interacted with.

I always have to start the conversation. My ask box is empty 24/7. Maybe once in a while someone else will start a convo with me. I constantly get notes and I look and its just the kosa post I made. I might turn rbs/notifs off or delete it at this point. Someone I thought was my friend fucked up our friendship and I realized they didn’t actually value me in the first place. I joined the discord right when everything fell apart and practically everyone left. Half of my friends aren’t online often. I’m active in the discord and try to fucking fix everything and keep it lively and fun for everyone and it feels like nobody else fucking cares as much as I do.

idk.

I’m just really lonely and I feel like nobody cares to speak with me yknow. I reblog or make ask games, and I don’t get asks any asks. I tag friends in posts and they don’t rb or just acknowledge them. People always liked and never reblogged my art so I gave up posting it. I don’t get tagged in stuff and that made me hate picrew/reblog chains so I don’t do them anymore. Im always initiating conversations. I vent too much and complain and I can be rude so maybe that puts people off from me.

I just feel like I have stressed myself by trying to put in so much effort just for others to…not? Even back then when I was an anon. I would send rambles and ask people about their day and be super friendly just for..barely any response.

The last time my friends seemed to care so much was when I made my suicide note post at like, what, 14? I was begged to stay. People said they loved me so much and I mattered a lot to them.

..And then the next day it went back to no interaction.

I have ONE fucking irl friend and I’m grateful to have her and she means the world to me but fuck I’m so lonely. I even just talk to my animals like people at this point. I try to send asks to friends and they never get answered or the replies are short. Nobody sees my posts despite the fact I have 44 followers. Which irritates me. And half of those people followed for art and I can’t even do that anymore.

i feel like everyone liked me better when I was in the Lu fandom and under the different name. I got way more interactions back then. People saw my art more even though it was bad. Friends sent asks and DMs. People responded to my tagging. I would reblog ask games and I’d GET asks. I would post something and it would get attention. But now it’s so empty.

I used to post a headcanon about a character and people would say they loved it. Now I do it and it goes unnoticed. I talk about shit I like now and nobody fucking cares. Nobody listens. It pisses me the fuck off. Oh but if I came back as old me and started talking about lu again I’d get SOO much fucking attention.

I saw friends talk to eachother in huge reblog chains. I saw people reblog their mutuals posts all the time. Constantly answering asks. Talking about dm conversations. Everyone I was friends with. It feels like being in a huge circle of people yet everyone forgot about you. Even when you cut people off they didn’t notice. And that really shows that you weren’t of value in the first place. They didn’t care. You meant nothing to them. There was always someone who mattered more.

I feel invisible and honestly unwanted. And that really fuels my whole abandonment issues. Its so nice knowing people will leave you because they always have someone who’s more important. Someone they favor. Someone more valued.

I could post a suicide note right now and suddenly people would care. People would want to talk to me. People would ‘like’ me.

that really shows that people don’t care until your gone.

[zuckarr]

🎞️💗 My 10 Favourite YouTubers 💗🎞️

YouTube is the website I'm most often on. I first joined it in 2008, before it was bought by Google, which allowed me to experience it during its golden years. Prior to becoming a money-making colossus, YouTube was nothing more than a video sharing site, where users could upload virtually anything and get their videos rated with fun little red stars, post bulletins, have an inbox and get DMs, personalize channels with backgrounds, and so much more.

Nowadays, YouTube has changed radically, and in many ways, awfully. On the bright side, it also progressively became a chance for people to grow as video editors on a professional level. I've been watching and appreciating some of them so much that I consider myself to be part of their community.

The kind of YouTuber that I find myself most driven to are the vloggers, aka the folks who talk to the viewers about anything (even personal matters). I like listening to what they tell me, as if we're friends exchanging experiences and opinions in a cafe. I don't always agree with them, but that's alright.

I thought it would be quite nice to list my favourite YouTubers in one single post, in hopes that somebody else on here might discover a few interesting channels.

Nadia Bokody

This girl talks about sex education! Yknow, the thing they could never properly teach us in schools, despite how important it is. Nadia is a lovely woman who's had a lot of sexual experiences (which she has no problems admitting) and is very well informed about plenty of sex-related topics. She's there to chat with you as positively as possible and hopefully teach you a thing or two about your beautiful, private body parts and how to use them respectfully, with a partner or by yourself. Don't miss out!

2. Roly

Body modification, piercings, tattoos, fun and most importantly - fabulousness! These are the primary ingredients for the Roly channel, run by a fantastic gay man who gets a ton of hate and makes the best use of it!

3. Mohammed Agdabi

A black artist who takes deep dives into modern art issues, uncovering viral (and often trivial) Twitter fights and giving insight. Other than that, Mohammed is a great source of tips and encouragement for artists.

4. Aurikatariina

Depression is an invisible plague, and becoming a hoarder is often an even more hidden consequence of mental struggles. The house in your neighbourhood that you never saw the inside of could be filled to the brim with trash and dirt, for all you know. Aurikatariina is simply a cleaner, who loves to help out people who have stopped taking care of themselves, and therefore, of their homes. She compassionately tells the stories of the people she helps, while also giving out amazing tips and hacks for cleaning in the most efficient ways.

5. DottieJames

This girl can be many things, but she is first and foremost a poet. To be more precise, she is an unconventional poet, whose works are a mix of various forms of communication like humming, spelling, writing, reciting, doodling etc. She excels at expressing a gentle and odd uniqueness that sometimes feels hard to grasp. Worth a shot though, probably even two.

6. KnowsBestNever

The duration of KnowsBestNever's videos can be intimidating, but once you start listening, they're over in what feels like barely 10 minutes. This dude's words flow like water, and just like that, he is able to enter the crevices of each topic he chooses to dig into. Listening to him speak is nothing less than a pleasure. He can be thought-provoking in a way that easily resonates with you, forming the impression of having just had the best intellectual chat with a very down-to-earth friend.

7. DutchPilotGirl

Who hasn't wondered what's it like to be a pilot? How do they feel when they fly? Do they get tired of the gorgeous views from the cockpit? How do they return to their homes after a flight to the opposite side of the world? How do they start the airplane? This channel is a great chance for learning about lots of stuff that only pilots know, kindly narrated by a woman pilot who's worked her ass off to get where she is now!

8. Nu Mindframe

Sometimes you don't need a therapist. Sometimes all you need is the advice of a survivor, who has gone through terrible things and has completed her own healing journey by herself. This YouTuber opens up her heart to us and shares everything she has learned through suffering. There is something for each of us in her words.

9. Simnett Nutrition

This vegan bodybuilder adores sharing his tasty recipes, achievements, informations and thoughts! He thrives in positivity, and loves to tell the world how his vegan lifestyle is going. Whenever he smiles at the camera, it feels like the sun is shining. His enthusiasm is just incredible and I dare anyone not to feel engaged in it!

10. Karolina Żebrowska

Niche passions are adorable. This YouTuber loves dated fashion. Show her an old, black and white photograph of a random woman and she will be able to pinpoint exactly the time period she was from, just by looking at her clothes or hairstyle. Isn't that really cool?

[kogameh]

whenever i draw fanarts, the biggest satisfaction to me is when i was able to draw...an idea that is unique to the source material, something that i cant just simply recycle to ocs or any other fandoms, and especially, something fans of the source material can appreciate the most... its also something i knew i cant achieve with ocs. because at least with fanarts, at least someone get the context behind the art. i couldnt care less if im not drawing for a bigger or more popular fandom if i was able to share my love for something like this to the same people who love the source material as much as i do... im fully aware that my artstyle is not the most desirable. or the most social media-favored. or just anything thats worth being stared at anything for more than 5 minutes, haha. thats why i rarely post my doodles or rarely draw headshots because...i often find to look the most boring... but thats also why i really. tried really hard to get rid of my shortcomings by focusing more on the composition and "story" side of it over anything else. i tried. again. really hard to put my style in the backburner so the flaws of my unappealing style wont overshadow the "story" i wanted to tell in my art....

but yknow i just...feel like lately its all pointless hahaa...

so just when my mimi fanarts gets the most attention solely because it has mimi on it and not because of the art that i drew...im starting to ask...whats the point anymore if i even spend any extra time beyond just drawing the character. i might as well just draw the most soulless headshot or even stickman of the character and i'd guarantee it'll still get as much attention only because of the subject i drew. and the last important thing being...my art.... and this isnt just limited to one character or fandom, haha. every time any more replies to any of my art starts focusing on the subject over anything i put in the art, i knew that i failed to deliver the "story" i wanted to tell. at that point its starting to feel like...my art is nothing more than an accessory to a conversation starter. haha. i get it. my art isnt all that appealing. and my composition is still extremely amateur. but i guess no matter how much love and soul i tried to put in my art, it still doesnt matter if the subject is not creating any interesting conversation...

and its lately more and more apparent when i start to draw more oc artworks and obviously? theres less things to talk about now since theres 0 prior attachments existing with my ocs! :')

you could say that its mainly because im drawing for a small fandom. you could say its because i drew for a fandom where 90% of its contents is untranslated. but i just cant help but think...its simply because im still not good enough.....

i cant translate. im not fluent in any languages that isnt my mother tongue. im not the most talkative and hardly ever fit in any friend group. and every skills i have any inch of knowledge of is barely useful to anyone. and i know that i’ll never be remembered for anything. so i just....in the end, when i love something, the last i could do to say that "i love it" is to tell them with my art, despite its shortcomings and imperfections... but i guess thats...still not enough... to prove even that... :')

so just. haha. idk. even right now i kinda...lost all my motivation to draw. every single time i tried to i started to ask "is this even worth it?" and wonder if i shouldnt finish the art and put the bare minimum on it now, even if its gonna be the most soulless thing i've drawn. ultimately, a part of me just felt like i shouldve changed my priorities and focus starting this year. haha.

(and i'll just be real. if someones gonna say "draw for yourself!!! not for others!!!!" i would...rather not just post them at all to solve that. period. saves MUCH more of my time and anxiety if i just stopped posting them!!! :'))

i just. really dont know anymore...

[riverswater]

I'm aware this is a ridiculous post to make bc its a ridiculous thing to announce, but I need to unfollow a lot of blogs :/ there's contents/posts/people I don't wanna see and blocking blogs and blacklisting tags and people isn't enough, so I'll have to do this after months of putting it off lol if we're mutuals and I unfollow you there's a 100% chance that I like you as a person but I just don't wanna certain contents on my dash. That's it this is so weird fkshfksk