#you can take the easy way out and just go ‘thats evil and i hate it and its bad’

[pepper-steam-milkshake]

i think what people tend to forget (seeing all these posts on my feed atm) is at the end of the day, YOU curate your own fandom experience. there is ALWAYS going to be someone who makes content you dont like. there is a very good chance that someone whose content you do like will make content you dont like for one reason or another.

things to keep in mind?

the content someone creates is not indicative of their nature. for fuck’s sake how many times have you seen someone who looks and acts absolutely sweet and then makes the most fucked up cursed shit youve ever seen— and vice versa. the content they make is not their personality. jfc, if someone writes a story about fairies, are you gonna go, “oh, they’re secretly a fairy”? NO. so it would be appropriate to apply that to other content that you as an individual may find inappropriate

if you see something you dont like, instead of taking the time and energy to give hate to it, just walk away and leave it alone. why do you want to continue engaging with it. is fueling those few minutes of anger truly worth being an asshole? PEOPLE make content. thats right— people with feelings, emotions, experiences, memories, and lives of their own. someone took the time to write something, and then to not only write that thing but then share it with the world in spite of whatever lingering feelings they may have to it. if youre gonna shit talk, do it in private. dont do it right where the artist can see.

with today’s day and age, it is nigh impossible to avoid minors, and the same goes for adults. everyone finds their way into a space somehow. we’re all enjoying the content, and we’re all enjoying it in different ways for different reason. occasionally it’ll match up, but you cannot expect someone to share your opinions and your own view of morality. if you think murder is bad and you hate that someone keeps making the characters in your show kill people, the solution isn’t to say “youre a bad person and you shouldnt be okay with murder”. thats not the statement theyre making. also just leave them alone???

if you dont like the content and want to see something different, instead of suggesting that they make it differently, make it yourself. “i cant draw”— PRACTICE. drawing is a pain in the ass for me. im not great at it but i still practice because i want to make the content i want to see. “i cant write”—PRACTICE. experiment and try new things. “but its going to be bad”— MAKE IT BAD. everyone starts somewhere, and the only way to make your version of better is to improve on your version of bad.

just some thoughts

[sneakyboymerlin]

if gwaine found out about merlin's magic, destiny, and the reason for his behavior towards mordred, what do you think he would do, regarding merlin and merlin's relationship with him? would he meddle at all? would he try to get merlin to realize that he (merlin) has more to life than what his 'destiny' is. and therefore mordred probably does too?

i read a fic recently where it was like. "merlin realizes he has failed at his destiny and so reconciles w/mordred because he figured mordred too can fail at his destiny" but i dont know if the whole "merlin failed at his destiny" thing sits right with me. so much of it was on him, by the dragon and the fandom, but its supposed to be "two halves of the same coin" for a reason--they are supposed to be equals yet everyone is content to keep merlin delegated to the role of serving arthur and only arthur, rather than valuing himself as well, and arthur is just as much as fault for magic not coming to camelot because arthur is king and is very much still prejudiced against magic for the most part. thats not on merlin. at a certain point you have to realize that arthur is a grown man he cannot be coddled forever, especially as a king?

if gwaine found out about merlin's magic, destiny, and the reason for his behavior towards mordred, what do you think he would do, regarding merlin and merlin's relationship with him? would he meddle at all? would he try to get merlin to realize that he (merlin) has more to life than what his 'destiny' is. and therefore mordred probably does too?

Easy answer: he’d fuck Merlin against a wall.

Complex answer: I think for Merlin, he already knew that it was possible for Mordred to fail in his destiny… if Mordred died, at least. As far as he was concerned, only one of them could fail/succeed, because just as Merlin was destined to protect Arthur even though he hated him at first, Mordred was destined to kill Arthur even if he did seem to like him. Merlin’s goal is essentially to make sure Mordred fails in his destiny so that he can succeed in his own. Kilgharrah warns Merlin from the start that the only way to ensure this is to kill him, or so Kilgharrah thinks.

I believe that both of their destinies were going to inevitably be fulfilled at some point. If Mordred died, he could still be Arthur’s Bane because we’ve seen a Druid ghost come back to seek revenge against Arthur. And even at his most accepting, Arthur was still pretty lukewarm towards magic, seeing “good magic” as an exception to its default “evil” state (as expressed in 5x05 and 5x09). Therefore, everything with Kara could still happen even if Arthur welcomed the Old Religion back to Camelot, since he doesn’t understand the true extent of his bias.

If Gwaine found out about Merlin’s magic, I think he would have some divided reactions. For one thing, he is pretty much unquestioningly loyal to Merlin and would most certainly accept Merlin as “one of the good ones” among sorcerers. The problem with this: he may believe that sorcerers are bad by default, much like Arthur does. He would probably not question Merlin’s judgment of Mordred much, though we never see Gwaine’s stance on prophecy/destiny, but he would notice the toll that this prophecy is taking on Merlin, as he’s shown to worry over Merlin when he’s aware of his distress (see: seasons 3-5). His prioritization of Merlin could lead to him minimizing the importance or overall possibility of the prophecy. However, he doesn’t take threats to Arthur’s life lightly, either, so it’s kind of hit or miss there.

Ultimately, for all that Merlin can try to advise him, it’s up to Arthur to fix his own biases. Merlin can’t do it for him. If Merlin stood by and did nothing, the end results would be more or less the same as when he tries everything—though maybe Arthur dies a decade or so earlier. Whereas if Arthur accepts magic, then maybe something changes. But the prophecy implies that the perfect balance comes from some equivalent effort between both Merlin and Arthur… which doesn’t happen, because Merlin is putting in all of the effort, and Arthur isn’t pulling his own weight.

On the bright side, if Gwaine knows about Merlin’s magic, maybe he gets to stick by Merlin’s side through the whole finale?

[b0oker18]

Some thoughts on Claudia Grays ‘The X files: Perihelion’

**Spoilers ahead**

First off I need to say that I am a certified, card carrying disliker of The X Files Revival, so some of my thoughts on this book may have some negative bias. Canon for me either ends at season 8 or IWTB (depending on the day lol) so I'm just here for the ride and I'm not going to take anything in this novel or in future novels too seriously!

Secondly, I am not a writer. Some of my thoughts may be incoherent and I apologize for that up front, but I feel the need to write down my thoughts so they do not constantly overwhelm my brain….

Hope you enjoy!! 

Likes: 

Claudia Gray overall does a good job with writing Mulder and Scully, you can tell she loved these characters as much as we do. It was easy for me to hear their voices in my head while reading.

I thought the novel flowed quite nicely. Oftentimes it went from a chapter mostly about the casefile, then to MSR, then to a chapter about the new villain (Brighteyes or Robin Vane), etc. It kept me wanting more, mostly for the MSR but a little for the casefile as well.

I really liked some of the MSR in this novel. Gray did the absolute best job she could do given the shit show she inherited from CC. I tip my cap to her!

My favorite MSR scene in particular was at the end of the book in chapter 39. To keep it brief Mulder and scully talk about WIlliam as THEIR SON once again, and how even though he may not be theirs via natural conception, he is still THEIR SON…. See CC it really isn't that hard is it? The Convo is played as Scully apologizing to Mulder for not wanting to talk about William, but in reality it's an apology to Mulder AND herself for her treatment of William. I mean this is a convo that they should have had years ago, but better late than never I suppose…. I’ll say again Cladia Grey was giving a bag of shit but she made some decent stew out of it.

I actually liked Robin Vane as a “Baddie” although I don't think he is a bad guy. He's morally gray and I will get to take in some of my predictions.

I kinda liked how CSM came back. It's different and unexpected, but I’d rather we no longer hear from him ever again.

Dislikes:

X men plot line, I hate it…. I don't really have anything else to say on this.

Scully's electrical powers. Thats gonna be a no for me dawg

The inheritors, their evil plot for world domination makes no sense. I mean do they even want world domination? I found it all so confusing… So they know that this alien virus is making people into literal X Men yet their plan is, “Hey, they are just going to bend to our will and… make us money or something”... maybe I'm missing something, but this plot felt intentionally vague in order to set up future novels. We will see I guess. 

I really hated the “explanation” for Scully's pregnancy. Why does everything need to be Spooky Science ™ …. I guess I wanted this pregnancy to be Mulder and Scully's proof of a higher power, something that can not be explained by science. That to me is FAR more interesting than spooky science ™ ….

I don't want this to sound like a nitpick but I guess it kinda is. I don't like Mulder and Scully living in a townhouse. I like the unremarkable house, it suits them way better. Oh well…

Why for the love of God are they sleeping in separate beds, they do everything a couple is supposed to do yet they can't share a bed? I mean I guess this was done to create a little bit of tension to keep the reader turning the pages, and it worked on me but still, I think at this point we should drop the relationship drama and move on to something else.

Some predictions:

Mulder and Scully will form an uneasy alliance with Robin Vane and Cherish Craddock. This will drive a bit of a wedge between Mulder and Scully, but like everything they will see it through.

The X Men plot line will be resolved at the end of the next novel.

Mulder and Scully's child will be named Rebecca. I don't remember where I read this but apparently Cludia Gray used to write XF fanfic and she wrote a piece in which Mulder and Scullys child was named Rebecca (Pretty name btw.. I like it.)

The child will NOT have supernatural powers (Im probably wrong on this one)

William AND Gibson will show up at some point and help save the day. William will become, at least in part, part of Mulder and Scullys lives. 

Skinner will play a pivotal role in the next novel, but he will die at some point… When the stakes are this high someones gotta die. Sorry Skin man… 

Final Thoughts:

I've read a few reviews on various websites about this novel and to be honest they are done much better than what I have written down, but I felt compelled to write down my unedited thoughts so I can move on with my life XD.

Overall, I came in expecting I would stop reading a few chapters in but I didn't! I read the whole thing in about 5 sittings. Claudia Gray did the best she could with what she had and I have to give her props! I think this novel is pretty fun! A solid 7/10…  Like I said in the beginning, I don't see this or any other future novel as “canon” so I'm just here for the ride, and I think it's going to be an interesting one!

[the-s1lly-corner]

I want to request like. A cuddling session with Slenderman, who is having a bad day and we comfort him

(つ≧▽≦)つ

I'm addicted to the idea of him pretending to be okay with people calling him monster, but deep down he has this longing for it to stop, since he wanted to get along with the proxies and others he deemed second family.

So he like, rant about his day while reader comfort him.

Maybe get him a little fluster aswell （〜^∇^ )〜

(Take your time and have a good day/night)

All Entwined in One Web

obligatory im stuck in the 2015 era of the creepypasta fandom and ive been mulling over this sort of approach in my head for the past month because i revisited an old slenderman x oc fanfic that had a death grip on me and shaped the way i will interact with + and consume creepypasta stuff for the sake of saving grace and not revealing HOW cringe i was im not going to drop the fanfic name (unless yall dm me because!! i still wanna support the author even if it seems theyre inactive now!) i blame this author for making me a demon sympathizer/j/lh written kinda different than my basic bullet list of hcs! got silly with this one, sorry if its jarring compared to my usual stuff </3 this post is mostly just my hc on like. slender (and by extension all demon characters) being neutral and a simple part of nature that stems from zalgo (yay im finally dropping zalgo lore for my au since he functions differently in my au/hc!!) so take this with a HUGE grain of salt since i feel this deters from the main take people use (that ive seen, at least) this one ended up being more.. sad than i first intended and imma be honest i kinda got into my feelings when i was writing this anywaus i hope this isnt too cringe since i dont talk much about my HUGEhcs/au stuff/rewritten stuff so!! plus i dont usually write BIG detailed stuff like this sobsob tldr; slenderman isnt good or evil hes just a neutral piece of nature in the world and hes trying to cope with it. the demon gods really fucked up by making him sentient and able to process human like emotions

death is a force of nature and people curse it for simply being a part of life; people curse wild animals for being, and people will curse the weather

in this universe, or timeline, demons exist in a similar manner. slenderman exists simply because hes a part of that huge web of nature. of course, that includes every single ugly instinct that humans hate so so much. and he can understand why, even if its his nature.

the one responsible for that web, is zalgo. the beginning and end of everything. neither alive nor dead, all demons stem from zalgo in one way or another.

a solitary creature that prefers to stay alone in the comfort of its home, it doesnt tend to reach out to harm others unless theres harm. only really attacking people that threaten to expose it or get too close...

except, you... you were the one exception. regardless of how you managed to worm yourself into his heart, and become his lifelong companion, hes grateful for your presence when things begin to build up.

he knows that in the eyes of others, he ugly and vile, but he knows that ultimately thats what protects him. he insists that its better this way, sticking to the forest away from the prying eyes.

SURE, he could follow in his brothers footsteps and make a false human body and try to blend in with the people. but is that really efficient? is that really something he wants? hes a powerful being but that would eventually take its toll on him..

ultimately he resigns himself into your arms; once oozing powerful and command, now crumpled and curled.

he never had a childhood, when zalgo created him, he simply.

was

no adolescence, no developing, no growing. he was always what he was meant to be, but he likes to think that when youre holding him, that this is what it feels like to be so small and vulnerable.

humans had it so easy, hed think. theyre born and they die and the process repeats itself for everyone. they dont have to be feared or hated, or kill to survive.

yes, to him, being mortal was far more preferable to being condemned to being a lonely hermit who corrupts and breaks everything it touches.

even with your comfort, theres only so much that you can do; youll eventually pass on as well and hell be stuck in his cycle once more

but for now, as you hum softly and whisper nothings to him as you let him crumble; hell let himself weep just this once.

because as much as he envies your life, and what humans have, he cant deny that he cant bring himself to truly hate them, because like him, theyre simply a piece of natures web.

[basslinegrave]

its always nice to come back to a ship after a "break" from it to be able to look back at things and look at everything with fresh eyes and stuff.

thinking about stobotnik (and shipping them romantically, to be specific) and how easy it is to look at them and go yep, theyre together. i guess partially because theres nobody telling me otherwise (or im good at avoiding those peeps online) and its all quite open, but from a new perspective i wouldnt even say its That toxic (if you ignore the fact that theyre literally evil) only thinking of jims words saying its abusive, hes like the only one i care about saying stuff since hes part of this. i have thoughts about that... but besides that - maybe its some weird copium but. to me, at worst it can be one sided, at best its literally anything. couple, "married", weird unlabeled Thing going on, i eat them all up. (i understand a lovey dovey bot is quite ooc, but thats not the only way to show love, and he definitely has his own ways)

my biggest thought lately is how in s2 bot is much nicer to stone, but i dont take it as "oh he changed and grew as a person while exiled and isnt abusive anymore" but rather "this is the norm" and him being awful to stone in s1 was literally just because of sonic. like this little alien thing is a completely new variable in the flow of things and it made him so frustrated, he already has a short fuse, so this is just what happened. also thinking about how hes a bit more collected normally (in s2 its also from the emerald, and some newfound false confidence, But in s1 before they find sonic you can see him going from stern but collected to just a shouting mess ), like this brought out this side of him or amplified it (a side which he absolutely would not hide around stone) it is also fun to think, oh he just bullies him. (but i obviously dont look at that as too bad, i guess in fanon you can play with the idea that stone fucks with it) but with them deleting all of those scenes for s2, for a few reasons ig, it tells a slightly different story to me... does this make sense? the way he talks to stone at the start in s1 and in the good cop bad cop scene is like quite calm to me for robotnik. thats how i imagine he would normally be around stone. smiling at him more often than snarling, showing off etc. the way the manifesto is written too, theres respect given to stone, and i doubt it was written inbetween the movies or last second. like that is something that he made x time ago imo way before s1, so the way he barked at him in the 'pin yourself to the wall' scene, to me thats just plain frustration and lack of emotion control taking over. plus how he completely switches that off once he notices the quill, no he doesnt hate stone, hes not angry at him, hes just angry. and stone was the closest person to take it out on. is that healthy? no, but it makes for the most fun dynamic ive seen in my fav media so i love that.

and the whole thing with him grabbing stone and shoving fingers in his mouth and what not, in all fairness your honor, he is literally innocent. he is neurodivergent and his love language is on the same level as people biting other people they like. its literally just that (reminds me of someone that i strongly believe had a crush on me in hs and they would ask to sit next to me in class and then push me off my chair and write on and tear my notes and it was cute to me. so im projecting that onto stone okay)

[nyan-koii]

I have a confession .. I’ve been obsessing over Seb’s body so much 😭😭 specifically these shots are so..

My reviews of the pics :3

1. first of all the shirt - too big and almost down to his elbows. It is like pressed against his stomach so it’s FLAT and legs and arms are soo tiny 😭😭 like little pookie get off that football field y need to be in bed w mark and Jense rn

2. .. no words honestly he’s just so tiny and manhandable. Like I can just imagine Seb just being moved around by the mechanics, being in the way unknowingly and they just wrap their hands around his entire upper arm and picks him up and moves him idk. Like the mechanics groping him and like just touching him makes my brain go brrr. Also anyone on the 2010 grid with big hands like Fernando, Robert, ofc mark and Jenson just like moving him around and finding out just how tiny he is and UGHHH

3. IH MY GODDDD his arms are soo fucking tiny compared to Mark’s and I can’t like formulate words.. like it’s half the size of his. Idc if it’s the angle or not that man is a TWINK and he needs to be fucked and grabbed and chocked and-

Also just imagine someone covering Seb’s ENTIRE body part with their HAND. Like .. he would malfunction and cum in his pants. Probably like whimper and just like die on the spot or something

Td;lr

Rbr seb is tiny and needs to be fucked until he can’t speak

(I can’t believe I’m sending this unanon but :,) ye)

HIIIII TRASHTEENKIDD (idk what to call you lmaoo 😭)

THE PHOTOSSS OMGGG THOSE PHOTOSS !!! I ONLY SEEN THE SEBMARK ONES BUT THE OTHER TWO OMFG,,, I MOANEDDDD

1. YESS !!! look at the size of the shirt its not made for his size or is he into larger shirt that can cover his body because well um 😏 you know why, he likes the feeling of being small??? Mhmmm the way the shirt covers his butt too AND YESS his tiny legs and armss seb youre not supposed to be there indeed ! Get your ass on the bed now !! Also i love how red his ears are ngl. I think most of the time its always red which make me think if its like that on the other parts too 🤭 imagine him all flushed up and redd oooooo what a sight actually i need him...

2. AURGGHG PLEASE YOUR WORDS IM HAVING BRAIN DISEASE OVER IT. EXTREME HEADACHEEEE i always like the idea of the crew gangbanging on seb especially during his torro rosso eraa !! The boy is so so petite you can carry him everywhere and its as light as a feather ! Want him to be handled like a ragdoll every single second. Also the fact that he arrives at the grid first and is the one who usually leaves the last because he wants to hang around and 'learn' more from the crew.... doesnt that make you think thoughts???? Because i sure as hell do ! Insane honestly, GET HIS ASS RESTRICTED HES GOING TO GET PREGNANT GUYSS

like look at these 😭😭😭😭 HES SOO EASY TO BE PICKED AROUND !!! The mechanics would definitely also manipulate him during sebs str era im insane i need to be put at a hospital.... i want more gangbang seb fics...

And yes definitely 🤭🤭 the 2010s grid is using seb as a free cumdump as repayment for letting him win the wdc hehehheheheheh seb you're completely tangled yourselves with evil men, get out of thereee (dont)

3.

HE ISS TINYYYYYYYYYYY HES SOO OMFGGG YOU CANT SEPARATE TINY AND SEB NO NU UH THEY LITERALLY CAME IN PAIR EVEN IF ITS AM SEB !!! THATS A TWINK

Sebs amazing for putting up a brave attitude around mark like if they got in a fight, mark would definitely beat him to a pulp but seb knows mark cant do ANYTHING to him, knows that seb has more power than him and in some cases marks just too tired to reciprocate his energy. Sebs taking marks kindness and manipulating it to his own likings for example mark fucking and releasing his anger on seb because he hates the german boy so much but its actually what seb wants, to be used and to see mark crumble in front of seb aauuurghhhh, hes a twink but hes an EVIL twink.

Also... look at michael's thigh.... its the same size as sebs waist..... im completely normal about this

Sebs definitely sensitive to touches too mhmmm !! Sensitive and desperate to be touched at all time its embarassing because he cant live without receiving physical touches from his boyfriends. During day, he finds comfort in their hand but at night, its the only thing he prays about while they continue to bring him close to heaven.

Yesss rbr seb, seb in general, deserves to be fucked until he cant think straight anymore. Much like those anime hentais, i want seb to be fucked until theres love in his eyes and hes all drooling in pleasure 🥰 my love language actually.

And dont pressure yourself ! I admire your bravery reallyy for not anon-ing yourselff. Its good to see who im talking to and that i know you guys are comfortable to share these thoughts with me 🙏 keep em coming guyss !! This is a safe place for everyone <3

[kreideprinz69]

Something that really grates on me about a lot of anti-Koma people is the complete lack of empathy for Nagito in regards to his actions from the Dead Room to the Chapter 5 Trial. Treating it as if it's the single most reprehensible thing any culprit has done over the course of the entire series. When it is pretty much the exact same shit that Asahina was pulling in the first game's fourth trial. But with a far less petty motive. We see how the remaining five survivors react when they discover the truth of the NWP in Chapter 6. They are all on the verge of a breakdown as it all starts to become too much for them, and they only narrowly pull themselves back together to initiate the shutdown. Now imagine how they would react if: 1. All those survivors were isolated from each other when they learned the truth. 2. They were not made aware of the fact that their apparent turn to evil wasn't actually voluntary, and that they too are victims. 3. They did not have the three DR1 survivors and AI Chiaki to offer moral support during these revelations. 4. They were not made aware that any person who dies in the simulation will actually be possessed by Junko's AI in the real world. Because those were the circumstances of Nagito learning the "truth" in Chapter 4! His antis get so worked up over his bitchiness towards Hajime and the others, that they refuse to see just how tragic and pitiable the situation really is. What at first seems like a bizarre and vicious betrayal is actually a young man finally having his spirit broken after a life of endless traumas. Becoming so ashamed and disgusted with himself that the only thing he can think of as a small act of penance is to torture himself to death and get his classmates executed for their crimes. While not realizing that he's inadvertently aiding the same Ultimate Despair he's trying to stop. And it pisses me off when it bleeds over into fanfics too, with most of the cast ostracizing him for it. Because come the fuck on. Characters like Teruteru, Fuyuhiko, and Peko really don't much have a leg to stand on with that, considering their actions would have had essentially the same result if the class trials went their way. Me personally I like to think they'd keep a careful watch on him. But also make clear to him that while they don't condone his actions and think he made a terrible mistake, they're not going to condemn him either. Acknowledging that if they'd been in his position, they don't know what they might have been capable of. Considering how his character grew, I like to think Fuyuhiko would be one of the first people to admit that he'd probably have reacted just the way Monokuma wanted him to if he'd been given that special "prize".

YESS this! this right here omg, i love talking about this.

i think it's really easy for people to treat nagito with a total lack of empathy because of just how far removed nagito is from his own humanity. so a lot of people just put the insane label on him and don't take much of a further look at his actions. but the reality is that every action he's taking holds so much meaning and has never not had a well thought out reason. doesn't make them justifiable, but does offer so much more depth into his character than just being "crazy."

also i agree on the aoi part, i really don't get how people hate nagito for chapter 5 but don't say anything about aoi trying to get her classmates killed in the trial. dont get me wrong, thats not me ragging on her, because i adore aoi. its just the inconsistencies in how people treat characters for their actions that bother me. i think people forget just how much of a stressful situation the cast is in. suddenly waking up where you're not supposed to be, missing memories, knowing your friend or you might die at any moment, not to mention the investigations and trials; thats all pretty fucked up.

and like you said, nagito was ENTIRELY on his own when he learned the truth about everything happening. he was already in a lot of mental distress when the killings started, so the whole "truth" would have just completely broken him. he's been so violently traumatized his entire life, literally everything has been taken for him and supposedly he's going to die from his illness soon since there's nothing left for his luck to take. the only thing he's been able to do is cope through his obsession with hope, (and if we remove the obsession with hope and just focus on the fact that they're inside a simulation and caused the world to end, that's already stressful enough. the main cast BARELY coped even with all the help) so when you take that into account AND that he was actively working against the one thing that could never leave him (hope)- that's pretty fucking destroying! the only way for him to not lose the last thing he had, was to commit suicide in the way he did. which he full heartedly believed was for the greater good.

the sheer mental distress you would have to be under to be totally okay with torturing yourself before committing suicide is, KIND OF A LOT lol. also, props to him for coming up with such an elaborate plan despite the stress he was under. i honestly feel like his death was heavily foreshadowed. the entire game he talks about wanting to be a stepping stone for hope and that he's okay with being killed for it. his entire life has all just been one big tragedy too. the way he died, his motives behind it, and goal to become the ultimate hope; it was honestly a great ending for him. but im not gonna go into depth on that because im already probably getting off topic here whoops

but lets talk about his bitch arc for a second (chapter 4.) people blow it SO out of proportion. nagito was an asshole for one afternoon and was bullying hajime because he's angry he's in love with some loser. its just funny to me how some people make it a huge deal and use it to say nagito hates hajime. in chapter 5 before he dies, he literally shows remorse for his actions and barely anyone talks about it!. i can talk about that a bit more on a different post if someone is curious but im trying not to let this get ungodly long lmao

also yes, the way characters in fanon will be overly critical with nagito. while i do believe they were a littleee bit harsh with him in the game (another thing i could rant about but i'll spare you) i really don't think they would hate him after the simulation. on the final trial with junko, they almost let her win. and when they learn about being remnants and they all wake up, i think they would have come to understand nagito at least a LITTLE bit better. literally none of them are inoccent, so they probably came to realize they weren't all that much better than nagito. while we don't really see nagito interact with the other characters much in the danganronpa 3 hope arc; he looks to be on good terms with the rest of the cast. and just judging by how they all agreed to just live for the future and put the past behind them, i do think they would try their best to give nagito a chance, even if they're a bit weirded out by him. also i totally agree with the fuyuhiko bit! i think he's a very reasonable person that understand morally grey areas, so i like to think he was one of the first to start giving nagito a chance.

okay sorry that this was SO long oh my god. i cannot make myself stop talking sometimes, especially if it's nagito related sdhjfbsdfkhjb. but thanks for the ask because i find discussing this stuff super interesting!!! <3

[vaporsystem]

The other night I felt like i was gonna have a panic attack so i was like "someone please take over idc who" and someone actually did i was like "oh damn i didnt expect that to work." :)

I think it was that one thing that appeared a while ago that didnt like talking. I still dont really know who that is. Also i dont really remember drawing that last post so ermm thats also kinda interesting.

I need to take more time talking to people and figuring out whos whos cause I still dont know who the usual me is. Im a little afraid of finding out the me who i think i am is like 7 people but like it feels wrong to keep just pretending the body is like its own thing, cause like im pretty sure im not who that person is right now even, but theres not a good or easy way to express that if none of us know who we are!!!

I know who """""the girl in my head""""" is even though ironically shes not around that often, i know helix is in here and they like actually talk sometimes. I know that one person is in here that we havnt talked about, we can call them Z i guess, i think theyre like the closest thing we have to a "gatekeeper" or whatever. Theres another girl that showed up, asked for a room, then just kinda never came back out but we like her she can have a place to live. Like i think its pretty obvious Raven is in here at this point right like we dont really need to hide that do we. Fictives seem really common so we dont need to like pretend. Im not sure who i am rn but :). but then theres like that one fucking person who says theyre the me that is me but thats not all of us!!! youre jsut you!!!!

Z thought they were them because when we tried to start building our mind place or whatever they were there and took over and tried to sort all of us out, but it seems like the they that them there was a different person when they werent inside so like ???

i KNOW at the end of the day were all the same person i GUESS but like...bitch you gotta figure out your own shit so we dont have to keep like pretending to be you just cause youre confused! also anyway can we stop using psuedonyms please its getting stupid and hard to keep up with no one is going to like dox your head people like "ohhh their headmate is named steve now ive got them" only three people see this anyway unless this shows up on someones fyp in which case ermm hiii

oh maybe we should liek start doing that thing where like we start signing off with emoji or whatever so we can keep track of whos who when we start talking on here cause like. its obvious to us right but like it probably looks nutty to everyone else, but also we kinda like hate all the cliches and stereotypes and stuff that people do on here like the people with people in their heads on tumblr are so obsessed with emojis we dont really get it, but i guess we dont know all of our names yet so it makes it a little easier. i dont know how to open the emohi menu 🌼🌻💐🌺these all kind of suck...🧁🎀👚🦄🦑we can pick one later i guess i like the cupcake and the horse, we could let outrselves be a pony....we could be pinkie pie if we wanted to be like no one could stop us but then people would think of that one screaming one probably but like.......................pongey.......

anyway i like being happy!!!! its so fun to come to the front because like that they that is them is so fucking like dull and they dont want to believe in us so like fuck it were gonna keep interuppting when they come over here. Helix did it first we can all have a turn!!!! theyre gonna be like "what if im wrong :((((((" when were literally fucking like loling and lmaoing rn. like sorry we dont all have epic backstories about like showing up in times of need im sorry we cant all be the girls you have a thing for 🙄 maybe i can just want to like eat candy for once instead of like saving you from depression or whatever WHICH LIKE ITS GOOD that the others were there for that im not like evil but like we dont ALL have to be that to be real!!!! im gettin very tired noww ppl will read this and be like woahh but itll be cool because theyll be like new bitch?? and youll be like ouuu ermmm nooo dont looook but its too late!!! hiiiii hi hi hiii

[blossoming-sun]

Why I think the Miraculous Movie is amazing

First of all, the Kwamis and the miraculous. When the miracle box is introduced in the movie, the only Miraculous in it are the Ladybug, Black cat, turtle, fox, and bee. If there are any of the other miraculous, we aren't shown them. Honestly praying that those are the only ones, because the other ones kind of suck.

Also, another thing that I found interesting was that Hawk Moth seems to be impacted from using his miraculous, even though it's never said that the butterfly miraculous is broken. He has visions of destruction when he looks at it at the start. He passes out on the floor after akumatising someone for the first time. He lets himself go over the course of the movie- either because of his obsession or the effects of using the miraculous.

Anyway, I love how the kwamis and miraculous are so connected in this. Nooroo poking his head out of Hawk Moth's button in the song he sings, and Tikki actually shifting between the two at the very end of the movie. And speaking of the end of the movie-

The akumatised people:

No objects for you, an evil butterfly is going to crawl inside of you and painfully turn you into a monster. Ladybug and Chat Noir actually have to fight till the end. they can't take the easy way out and just... rip their notebook or something. Also loving how (as far as we know) the akumatised victims are just random guys. Always hated how in the show out of over 2 million people in Paris, Hawk Moth always chose to go after one specific group of teenagers. And can we talk about how Hawk Moth akumatised himself at the end of the movie? He turned himself into a literal GOD. No magic notebook for him, he literally destroyed all of Paris and turned a river into lava. Why didn't he do that in the show?

The characters:

Chloe still sucks at the start of the movie, but she isn't weirdly possessive of Adrien, which is good. Also, Marinette isn't a stalker in this, which is an upgrade. Chloe and Sabrina seem to have a somewhat-healthier than canon dynamic, especially at the end of the movie. But tbh in canon Chloe literally locked Sabrina in a closet at one point, so there isn't much competition. Also she seems to have more of a rivalry than bully dynamic with Marinette at the end of the movie, which i wish had been explored more. But oh well.

I love chaotic Tikki. Imo "WE'RE GOING TO GO ON ADVENTURES AND ALMOST DIE" is way better then "Oh, I believe in you!" Which Movie Tikki does as well, but it definitely felt like she had more personality than canon Tikki. Plaggs characterisation I'm not a massive fan of. I like his apathy and how he likes rotten things (ties in with him being destruction) but they didn't need to turn him into a fart joke. Seriously. Something I do like about both the kwamis is how their personalities are so different- because they represent opposite things. From the start of the movie, it seems like they also hate each other (Master Fu begs them not to fight when he opens the box) which is neat.

Agreste drama:

Adrien telling his father that he sucks in that one scene gives me life. I also really like how Gabriel is a bad dad, but not actually terrible. He lets Adrien leave the house. But he still sucks in the sense he pays 0 attention to his son. Even Nathalie calls him out on it. But unlike in canon, Gabriel seems like he's actually trying. He just lost himself trying to get Emilie back. And with the Hawk Moth vs Chat Noir and ladybug scene at the end, I 100% think that Canon Hawk Moth would have just taken Chat Noir's miraculous and made the wish instead of stopping. He's definitely not perfect, but he's more of a good guy than in canon.

Also, with the timing, yes I feel like it was rushed, but tbf the creators of this movie managed to do the same thing the show's done in 5 seasons in an hour and a half. Also the animation was amazing.

Uh and thats all I have to say, so here are my hopes for the sequel:

Gabriel redemption. I want to see him be a good father and try and move on from what happened

Main Villain Mayura. (I also want her to frame Gabriel for her evilness)

More Chloe screentime. She was an Icon.

Queen Bee, Carapace and Rena Rouge

More Agreste drama

A bunch of cute couple stuff between Marinette and Adrien

[bihansthot]

Question, how comes everyone forgets all the good Bi-Han has done as soon as his death is mentioned? Hanzo has killed people, repeatedly over and over again, due to his vengeance but nobody outright calls him evil.

Bi-Han’s backstory is incredibly tragic once you think about it, but its not nearly as focused on when referring to his character. Hanzo’s tragedy is his character while Bi-Han’s tragedy is more of a “fun fact” category.

I just don’t understand why people think Bi-Han is so evil and irredeemable. Even in the intros for MK1, yes he was being arrogant and rude but that doesnt mean he’s irredeemable? Asshole ≠ Evil. But if you check the comments everyones like “theres the evilness, cant wait for noob saibot”, as if Bi-Han has 0 positive traits.

And also, how come people ignore what Scorpion did because Bi-Han was a “evil” person. He was hardly evil and he was on the path to redemption, just like Scorpion not too long ago. Scorpion killed Bi-Han brutally over a crime he did not commit, thats wrong no matter how much you try and break your back to excuse. Yes he promised to protect Kuai Liang as payment, but barely anybody addresses it in the games.

Even this quote from the intro dialogues

Noob: I was killed unjustly

Raiden: and for that, Raiden lost my trust

Noob: that is not justice.

You can TELL that Noob is still pissed at his death and at everyone for suddenly having amnesia over it.

All of this! ALL OF THIS!! No one ever talks about Scorpion being a cold blooded assassin too but like spoilers the Shirai Ryu are not the good guys. They’re assassins just like the Lin Kuei. Just because Hanzo had a wife and child does not mean he was a good man just like being a dick doesn’t man Bi-Han a bad man. He’s had an unimaginable life full of pain, suffering, gore and death from a very, very young age how can you not expect him to be a bit of a prick? It’s most likely his defense mechanism for dealing with all the horror he’s seen in his life. They’re two sides of the same coin. I don’t know people who think Bi-Han is evil rub me the wrong way tbh and I assume the majority of them have never played or watched a play through of MKM: SZ, which I really encourage everyone to do at some point. Is he kind of dumb and easy to manipulate? Yes. Is he evil? No. If he was evil he wouldn’t have gone after the amulet to stop Shinnok, he also wouldn’t have been worried about his soul when Raiden mentions it corrupted. Bi-Han literally saves Earthrealm from Shinnok and some how he’s the bad guy?? Whereas Scorpion never saves anyone and he’s a good guy?? Make it make sense. Please note I’m not trying to shit on Hanzo I’m just pointing out that he has done really bad shit too but he’s not held accountable for it.

Another thing I think we need to point out is Scorpion’s inability to control his rage always leads to a bad situation. Quan Chi manipulates him, he kills Bi-Han, boom now he has Noob hunting down his ass. Gets revenge on Quan Chi, now everyone who was a revenant has no chance to become human again, he dooms so many kharacters to live as mindless servants, but please tell me about him being your precious sunflower who’s never done anything wrong. ….I’m sorry that was kind of mean.

All I’m trying to get at is that it’s not fair that Bi-Han is labeled as evil just because he’s an arrogant douche. Scorpion has done just as bad of shit if not worse things than Bi-Han has so if you’re going to insist Bi-Han is evil then you have to admit Scorpion is too.

Again please don’t take this as me hating on or dragging Scorpion, that’s not my intention, it’s just to show that no matter how kind they seem an assassin is still an assassin and does horrible things.

Also Noob being salty is totally justified and I’d be salty AF too.

[carebooks]

so i watched the School for Good and Evil

ya’ll should know that i’ve never once touched the books, i am going into this blind and just wanna see how the movie does, as a prolific movie watcher and just that

right off the bat, i see we got JESPER FROM SHADOW AND BONE I LOVE THIS DUDE;

so they’re brothers, vv cool, oh is the Red one the evil one? yep i was right

it’s weird bc they’re brothers played by the same guy yet he just has great chemistry with himself

also, the mood just flipped from 0 to a 100 real quick, what just happened

i feel like they should’ve shown us them being brotherly and having arguments and maybe see Rafal slowly get angrier at his side always losing, bc really there was no way to see it coming. i could’ve done with a quick montage of them running the school and him growing angrier

“i prefer chaos” me too but could we get more reasons as to this whole thing other than just ‘evil’ ?

oh damn, the bad one died, i thought it would’ve been the opposite way

(but he aint really dead right? i mean)

so both girls are just hated on by the town, i can see them taking revenge together, lets all choose evil hm?

Aggie and Sophie Forever? *cough* gay

love that they just dont give a shit about what the peoples say; like insults thrown they just fly past them

Sophie just Rapunzeled this creep with a frying pan, im loving her, if i could i would choose violence too babe

“I seriously doubt there are any decent people in Gavaldon.” me too babe

so Sophie wants to get out and doesnt wanna settle for an ordinary life, why not just move in with Aggie and live out your happy lives together?

i wonder if we’ll see what happened to Leonora

so everyone ends up in the water when they get to their school? that’s a way to arrive

WOW i love the werewolf guard

“God I hate move-in day.” why do i vibe with this canine dude so much

i love that there’s a tower between the two schools, wonder what happens there

oh so Hort is Captain Hook’s kid. huh.

Tedros has got nothing on Eugene Fitzherbert

Tedros is King Arthurs kid? hm. better luck next time.

OH HE LOST HIS ARM I LOVE IT

THERE’S SOME ACTUAL DISMEMBERMENT HERE

oh hey its older Rhain, i love the actor’s work on Blackish

i mean hey look on the brightside, you got your own room to yourself

oh those bitches locked you up come on guys

if i were you i would’ve switched clothes, scaling a balcony in a dress cant be easy

whats with the creepy Cupid

WHY WOULD YOU SHOOT YOUR STUDENTS WITH ARROWS IF THEY WERE ON THE LEDGE

SOPHIE TURNING THE KNIFE ON HER WAS SO FUN

IS THAT OLIVIA RODRIGO’S BRUTAL YES

so if you can’t get a prince then you’re destined to end up as an anthropomorphic kitchen object or an animal?

what the actual fuck.

please tell me this entire school structure gets redone in the end

Hort has the makings of a good henchmen once Sophie gets more of a handle on her boss side

Gregor is a guy i can vibe with

idk who that random guy was with Sophie kissing him but he just made me laugh

Sophie growing into her evil side is showing and im liking it

Tedros and Aggie have a fun dynamic, hopefully he doesnt disappointment

again, i’d love it if both girls go for Evil

they talked about how Good and Evil are not really balanced, haven’t been for 200 years, so it’d be interesting if both of them go for Evil (even thou im pretty sure thats not where its gonna go)

imagine hearing your son got killed in school, damn, bye Gregor

how is this side of the school truly good if this is what you do to kids that fail?

OH MY FUCK ITS THE MONSTROUS NIGHTMARE FROM HTTYD I LOVE IT

not Rafal coming in and telling everyone Sophie’s a badass

ugh, Lesso had a thing with Rafal? i was counting on her and Dovey having a secret thing

oh fuck, that’s so sad, oh she let this little girl be free, holy shit that’s epic and sad and just damn, i loved it

whats with the big bird, what’s his problem now??

i like that Dovey is very aware of how fucked up the other princesses are about being ‘good’ and recognizes that Agatha actually is good, paralleling how Sophie is actually evil

the Nevers are some sadistic little freaks huh? i get it

Sophie’s in her villain era and im not sorry about it

Sophie said villains can be hot too

i miss Gregor

why do i kinda ship them? Tedros and Sophie? like they’re not exactly in it for like the deep stuff, you can tell it was more of an appearance based relationship with Sophie having him think she’s truly Good, etc. and considering how he’s been so far tells you what kinda prince he is so really they’re kinda perfect for each other.

ya’ll really wanna risk death outside the gates for each other? i mean Sophie, he’s pretty and Tedros, you talked to her like twice, one time she shot correctly so i mean, how well do you know her that you wanna be together?

Anemone was demoted to beautification? so legit EVERYONE here knows how badly the Good School has fallen, hot damn

OH Lesso was Leonora, fun

YO SOPHIE FLIPPING THE SCHOOLS WAS GENIUS I LOVE THAT

while i dont vibe with the whole thing that this immortal who knows how old man seeks out his true love in Sophie, who im pretty sure is liks 16 or 17 or smth, i love how he corrupted good

BC IT MAKES SENSE

HAVING THE GOOD SIDE BE ABOUT GIRLS PRACTICING THEIR SMILES, REWARDING THEM FOR THEIR REVENGE IN THE END, STUDENTS WHO FAIL THREE TIMES GET BOOTED, GOOD BECAME JUST AS BAD IT’S SO SUBTLE AND IT WORKS

ok but i kinda love that the girls parallel the brothers from the beginning

[saturniade]

was brushing my teeth yesterday and thinking about dnd orcs / fantasy racisms.. wrote a lot and im not sorray!!

it’s wild and interesting to me that between the two races introduced in dnd as playable (in 5e books beyond player’s handbook), kenkus are the ones described (in Volo at least iirc) as literally cursed to not have any creativity and to be able to only copy (parrot!) whatever is around them -- which i think is flavored as Kenkus Are Great At Making Copies but should also imo mean that Kenkus Believe Whatever Everyone Else Says and Are Extremely Prone To Being Lied To And Biased bc NO CRITICAL THINKING -- while the orcs are like. made by gods to be violent or whatever? and they just choose to embrace the killing and hate and slaughtering apparently EVEN THO they can think and learn and change their ways? and some of them are literally explicitly exceptions to the violent brutal stereotype!!!

and yet ORCS are THE titular enemy of dnd. even tho they are a much more uh conscious/mindful/potentially civilised race than for example the kenkus. and i feel bad for them lol cause the orcs keep being traditional Disposable Evilguys in dnd beginning from ye olde adnd times (when honestly enemies were made in a simpleminded ways of random mishmash of folklore, media and whatever sounds cool) which were in turn inspired by lotr’s “orcs are like evil magic slop things or whatever dont think about it”. and now 5e is trying to be more inclusive and mindful about Killing A People Cause They Were Born GREEN!!! and tries to stray away from fantasy racism and “evil races” introduced to its core world like 50 years ago. but still it is IN THERE...

i mean for example it’s weird to me bc i recently played a published dnd 5e module where you fight orcs a lot of time. and in another published module which takes place in another world we play with a half-orc who experiences 0 discrimination :| and uuugh these for the lack of a better term double standards against A PEOPLE? is horrible the more i think about it lol.

i think that dnd (if not The Official Setting than the DMs in their own worlds) should either make orcs, like, either explicitly non-civilised/non-selfaware/non-conscious monsters with the intelligence of an ape at most. or do the opposite & get rid of ALL fantasy racial prejudices concerning the orc race... idk man... the kenkus have it fucking easy! i mean those guys are more than anyone sound like they can be like divinely/naturally “programmed” for evil cause they don’t have critical thinking as i mentioned. and i haven’t encountered any texts that talk about orcs being literally unable to change their ways because of divine/magical reasons or whatnot. theyre just evil just because!!

and i havent even started with the DROW and DEEP GNOMES and ALL THAT STUFF? and other "bad races” that exist solely to allow the players to be a little casually fantasy racist OR carry out a power fantasy of killing a person with higher cognitive functions and be praised or at least not thrown in jail for it. (and i mean, this scenario!!?? some people who play dnd really just want to have a smarter non-animal/elemental/monster/undead/etc enemy who makes the players come up with an actual Plan Of Attack or solve Puzzles or otherwise give the players the ability to demonstrate their tactical abilities / intelligence! and i think thats a fine power fantasy to have! i just hate that sometimes in these cases instead of coming up with wholeass villians with motivations DMs just go Uhhhhh Ok Why Should I Invent A Politically Correct Bike. Go Fight People That Are Of An Evil Race Sounds Good!!!)

and that’s what i thought and that’s where i would put my conclusions if i had anything smart or specific to say. but i think in the end the fantasy racism is something that started a long time ago and stuck around so much that it got very ingrained in dnd, or even the expectations that people have from dnd, that it’s hard to either tweak the “evil race” concept in a way which is not very dubious at best, OR turn the concept of orcs/drows/etc around that they are no longer evil at all. what do you think ?????? leave a comment down below!!!! LOL!

[kusundei]

genuinelywhy does the worst shit have to happen to me when im already tweaking

like no i knew. i knew the conversation from yesterday w ellis wasnt enough. knew in my heart yet i ignored jt and chose to be happy. joyous because gof forbid all i know is doom and gloom. its just.? why? whyyyy is this still a problem?

i dont even care. i dont know why i keep bothering over and over again i know ill have to fold eventually im fighting a losing battle. “i need you to be honest with me” and then you lash me and use it against me when you get the honest truth. i. dont. want. to. go. on. birth. control. period

like? how hard is that? to understand? you bring up the shit i said ab the abortion like sorry??? what happened to my body my choice?,??? and god forbid she starts fucking implanting it into me herself because no im still jer kid. live under this roof she will make every decision. its fine i dont care at this point i dont know why im still fighting. i cant take the easy way out anymore its just sofrustrating? i feel fucking awful. again. god forbid i told her the reason i sont wanna go on birth control is mostly a mental health thing and she lashes me about how im not okay then. “everyone is depressed you think you have it any harder than the rest of us?” like did i fucking say that? itolf you i dont take medication anymore (cause of you) and also just because im choosing to deal with it naturally ajd i get lashed for even getting affected by things. like its just. why. did we.? have to talk about that? and you keep patronizing me over and over and over again and how i never do anythging right . god forbid i wish you could focus for once in your life oncthe smaller things because i am. trying. ive always tried. you just dont notice when its at par to your demand and also when i go back. i get lashed

its just heaaarring you complain ab the showering again is so. ugh. like. i told you i dont have an answer. its a habit? i suppose? but noooo. “ive told you this over and over. i dont want to hear the excuse of ‘its a habit’ because if you wanted to change you would’ve already” like are you hearing yourself??? do you want to apply that to yourself? jonathan maybe? but no im kind. theyre taking the door agajn i suppose and i dont fucking care jts fine. she knew i was getting upset because she started mocking me. i hate when people do that. when people act like im sofucking dumb. and she knows it and does it to get under my skin because she knows how easily she can and i wont ever do anythjnf about it. i just .? imso? upset? i guess? im upset but im also not. imjust so.? tired?

tired of fighting overr and over again. tired of this but maybe its what i get??? i am selfish. she has told me this shit over and over and i dont really change. i do but not enough i guess its just. i cant win. im stuck in that cycle and im trying sooo hard to not acknowledge it. but no it really will haunt me i suppose? stuck and bound to this life? bound to repeat the cycle of hurting over and over again??? i think im so weird right now because i feel so torn. i wanna be sad and i want to cry and be frustrated because i feel it but i also dont want to. or at least i cant? ill always give you the benefit of the doubt. maybe i am just frustrating. no because what you said??? “you wonder why im upset all the time? think about how i feel about you” and its just. ugh. i cant even try to back mtself up because i do feel bad. i feel bad but im also upset and i hate it because i feel so dumb to feel anything at all. im trying not to upset you and ive done it for so long i try to be small i try to not take up space i try to be understanding and helpful but it is. never. ever. enough. and mayhe its just me truly not trying

just. god. i cant. if i end up truly on birth control who cares at this point. theres no guarantee ill get worse but at this point i think ab it and maybe i aalllreaddyy am. but maybe thats the lack of sleep doomed evil sam talking. its weird because honestly the one main fear i have w the birth control is weight gain and that says enough does it not.? i cant eat. havent eaten. tried to eat earlier cuz sav was lashing me and i ate that one??? slice of pizza and i felt so sick after and i still do. not eating well. my pants today kept slipping and iiii know why. last time i checked i hit 141 i think and i dont think id be shocked if ive hit the 130s now. its concerning but also maybe im enabling myself a tad. its fine im not ill i just. am acting like it. but im not

iiii. just wanna talk to ajax maybe. reminds me of last night when i was so tired and delirious and just rambling but i sidnt feel bad because that wasnt affecting me in the moment. i dontknow if i can truly just tell him something like this while its happening because i cant shake that awful feeling ? im tryinggg but its hard. theyre taking the door off the hinge as i type and immm just getting more. evil. but i wont cry i wont show it im fine. tweakish but ill live. i do it to myself anyway the only person who can save me is me ^_^ but even thats hard

if its meant to be then it will be chat. if god so chooses to make me this way then maybe jts bound to happen. maybe hes lashing me because ive been evil lately or something. ive been happier but also all my tweaks have been worse than theyve been in a while and amybe thags what jt is. repenting cause im happy too much. hell even my mom acknowledges it all the time when im happy. wont ever stop being patronized. i just feel. doomed. again. i feel bad but i cant explain which way i do. just bad. heavy. evil. but ill liveee i always do. ill try and sleep a little earlier tonight since i know im probably tweaking as bad as i am because of the lack of sleep as always. but imfine ill. lock in a bit and text him maybe. or i wont and ill repent a little more and then get my phone taken away bht ill try to see the light and live. just have everything playing in my head overand over and over. its allll just so much but its fine illcope i alllwaaays do

[kledface]

One of the harder things I've been trying to do is learn how to not just accept myself, but love myself. If you know me, and my past, im sure you can understand that this isn't an easy thing for me. I've lived surrounded by hateful people who have a habit of seeing the bad in everything and are also rather manipulative. This means i don't have a great sense of, not necessarily right and wrong, but truth and lies, and that i also see all the bad in me. Mom has made some growth, but that doesn't means she's perfect, and some days i don't know which version of her im talking to until she starts heavily suggesting im a demon again or starts rambling about reptilians. These are both actually rather intense triggers for me, and im not proud of it, but just starting to thing about the reptilians is starting to make me panicky, and part of my journey is learning to respect myself for what brings me shame.

I am a man who has lived an uneasy life. I don't have a strong sense of trust in certain matters. I tend to have issues relenting control, which is a serious problem i've been working on. I have a number of unusual fears and beliefs. Some things in my life have been genuinely traumatizing where no one would expect trauma should be able to be formed. When was the last time you heard of someone who had emotional flashbacks because someone accused obama of being an evil alien? I have an unusual set of things which i can and cannot stand. I can't take a compliment because they always feel backhanded or ingenuine and gifts make me feel in debt to the giver, but feel free to beat the shit out of me i genuinely don't care. As my journey involves learning to respect these differences, it means not beating myself up when i find myself unable to match others. It means stepping outside of myself and hearing the negative voices and correcting them, and talking to myself like i would a close friend; no, i am not a failure because someone calling me pussy makes me want to cry when any other vile shit just makes me laugh. You've seen this specific word used in a way hat was specifically designed to hurt you for the ways you arent like others. Your pain is valid, and instead of beating yourself up over that which you can't control, why don't we learn to make this easier to deal with? You too are allowed to feel this pain. No, you do not need to degrade yourself for forgetting so ething youve known your whole life again. You know you have these memory issues, and you're still living a mostly capable life in spite of this, and thats something to take pride in; others in your situation may not be able to. We should honor them for their capabilities just the same as we should yours. Treating myself this way has provided me the ability to recontextualize my own thoughts, and while correcting the negativity is a forever work in progress, it does get easier with time.

Along with this, learning patience with myself is also a tough task. Being raised with harsh and unforgiving critics, i am a perfectionist, which means i struggle to forgive myself when i mess up and may give up entirely out of sadness and frustration. Getting over this involves a lot of learning to recognize that failure, too, is a part of learning, and that not everything thats not a success is a failure. These two terms are as subjective as good and evil in many cases, and while perfection is unattainable, the ability to recognize my attempts as flawed but workable isn't. Again, speaking to myself as i would another is key here. Its okay that you weren't able to get this leg right on the first try. Progress can't happen without movement and movement can't happen without time. Your imperfections do not mean failure, they just mean opportunity for another attempt, and with every error we can observe why we don't like it and what we can do to make it closer to our goals.

And one of the final things that has been difficult for me is learning to let go. I don't mean in grudges, i mean in the things that i hate about myself. This has been the hardest part so far, because it requires an intense breakdown of myself and all the things which make me, me, amd all the things that make me unhappy about that. Learning to let go of these things is like trying to let go of a jagged rock on a cliffs edge, because these things are, in fact, fundamental to my being, and to eliminate them would be to destroy a part of myself, but on the contrary, hating them is only hurting me, like acid in a vile, it will erode over time. Acknowledging the things i dislike and not necessarily learning to love them, but learning not to hate them, is the first step. An example of this; i hate my weight. I like to say i don't to try and help me overcome this, because really, i know im not getting rid of my belly, but it does make me unhappy. Breaking down why involves a lot of elf reflection. Why do i hate my weight? And a question like this can be heavily multi-faceted. I hate my weight because mom taught me that being fat is painful. I hate my weight because society expects cookie cutter people and we live in a world full of too many deserts for a cookie cutter to fit everyone. I hate my weight because it goes to show the difficulties i have with my mental health in a multitude of ways; depression manifesting in the lack of energy to fix it– Addiction manifesting in the alcohol that i haven't dropped the weight from– A bit of both and my trauma in the things i eat to take my mind off memories i cant stand to see for the 50th time today– The guilt that cones with caving to my bad habits when i know better. How does obe correct this? First, i need to learn to eliminate the hate. Correct the hate. And that involves breaking down expectations of myself and understanding that prejudice against me is also prejudice against people i love. Yes, being overweight can be painful to some, but not everyone. Many people live happy, healthy, fulfilling lives while being at least as, if not moreso, overweight than me, because weight is not a direct correspondence to health, and not everyone can or is willing to drop the extra pounds. My struggles are part of what makes me human,and while my coping mechanisms may not be healthy and my mental problems do have a rather severe impact on my quality of life, i am actively learning how to improve these things, and my habits can be kicked so i may continue to enjoy the things i do without them consuming my life. Societal expectations of me aren't much i can do about, but how i handle them is, and in finding others like me and people who like others like me, im learning to recognize that my differences can still be appreciated and loved even when the majority of people don't necessarily agree with people like me for being me. There is much more than just my weight which i hate about myself, but this is my example right now. In time, i wish to learn more than just not hating myself for my differences, but also tolerating and even loving myself for them. The first step is always the hardest though, ad so means letting go; of hatred.

I am cringe. I am different. I am in pain. But i am still me. I still deserve to be treated with respect. And in learning to respect, accept, and appreciate me for me, i am becoming a better person, and realizing a way to love more than ever before.

[gothlyte]

Phil’s Guide to Forgiveness

If you read all this you will be granted power as my champion or think I’m a dumbass. Just in case, if someone is stuck at the same point I was at for most of my life until like a month ago, that I was told but either did not listen or did not understand, as well as my interpretation of it:

Forgive yourself.

To learn how to forgive yourself (and others but first yourself), you need to literally say “I forgive myself.” Even in your mind is fine but say it. Even if it’s a lie right now say it. Even if every fiber of your being is screaming “I hate myself, I want to die” you need to say it because that’s the only way it can start. Then, every time those thoughts come up, or memories of traumatic or unkind or embarrassing events come, you need to forgive yourself again.

And sometimes you’re going to realize that you WERE in the wrong. Take it in stride because you recognized what was wrong with your behavior and that is not as common as it should be and now it is imperative that you work to make it right. You should feel a sense of guilt proportional to the harm done, but be careful not to let shame expand beyond its use or take over your mind as that will halt your progress. It should only go so far as it is helpful to the growth of yourself AND others.

HERES THE THING: eventually you’ll remember being abused or bullied or publicly embarrassed and you will forgive yourself rather quickly because you’ve learned it and shedding your shame comes easy now. But you’re still angry at your abuser.

And that’s an issue because to forgive yourself you had to admit that there were variables you couldn’t account for in the past and that people CAN change. And they can. And you can. And so can the people who hurt you. And those people had entire lives and conditions behind them and traumas inherited and gained throughout their lives that led them to that moment too. And sometimes that’s not enough for you to forgive them and you may feel like it never will be. And sometimes you’ll realize that you were being self-absorbed and that you, again, were in the wrong and getting your ego crushed that way hurts because it always comes unexpectedly. And then you forgive yourself because you were hurt and you understand now and you forgive them because you realize they were hurt too.

And you do that and eventually you stop getting headaches because you remembered you puked on the bus and yourself and maybe a little on the girl sitting next to you when you woke up late one day and had to run to your stop. And you stop getting headaches from regrets and shame about past actions taken against you and committed by you. And you stop getting headaches from memories of strange behaviors and things you recognize now as defense mechanisms from trauma.

And you will be tested in the present tense. That’s where everything goes from theory to practice. Heads up, you’re going to fail sometimes AND THATS OKAY. You’ll get upset and be unable to immediately forgive something and have to think on it and say “why did this hurt so much?” Not only “what made me mad” because you clearly know that but “why is it sticking with me?” Finding first the root action that upset you then identifying the emotion that it caused and what it means for you. Maybe you realize you have a tendency to feel alienated when you’re not being specifically catered to, and that exclusion hurts you especially for one reason or another. Once aware, you should also recognize how that trait can harm others and work to check yourself before and when and after it happens.

And an overwhelming amount of the time miscommunication is the real issue. And in these cases, when you know that someone who hurt you is not some evil manipulator, but your friend or coworker or neighbor that was inconsiderate to you or you to them it is possible to forgive them because they don’t have any power over you. And power is the difference.

And forgiving someone publicly out of spite is not forgiveness and you are not in the right, sarcasm and an attempt at humiliation will never be the foundation of the high road. And sometimes when you apologize for your past behavior, you will find that the person you hurt or were inconsiderate to never cared in the first place. And that may first embarrass you, but you forgive as always and are liberated from a shameful act only you were aware of.

And let me be clear that to forgive is NOT to forget. People who haven’t reflected exist. People who know better and choose to do bad exist. You do not need to trust someone who wronged you to be freed from their burden. And you do not need to start or stay in a relationship with someone who wronged you to forgive them. And you do not need to stay with someone you wronged to forgive yourself. If they have started down the path to self-improvement that’s great but you do not need to prove it or be a part of it.

All of that is to say:

Forgiveness is for you. It is rejecting the hold others have on you, of their creation or yours, and moving beyond. Nothing more, nothing less. The past is the past and the best we can do is learn from it.

Forgive yourself.

[fm-r-iznow]

OMNISPHERE 2

I JUST DOWNLOADED WOW!!!! and in comparison, to Native Instruments. a big difference. I'm going to try not to sound like a complete hater because Karma is a rough thing on the inner regions that will mess you up totally.

Okay I Purchased Komplet solely for the purpose of getting Abynth 5

but when I got it I did not know you had to set up kontakt since anthing else never needed a player anyway. I've bought plugins before, and it never needed these things before. Long rabbit hole depression story later. I somehow figured it out on my own. which nobody explained to me beforehand.

which I know indicates I'm not very bright. Perhaps...

anyway

I buckled down and bought Omnisphere despite what I heard some guy on youtube said Omnisphere is overrated. Now coming from a guy who makes Beats. He says. I would imagine he needs a more minimal Pallet of sounds. comprisingly of drums dominantly which is fine. I do not scoff, and another guy who he is in a back and forth "war" about the community and what not. and the guy is doing a complete.

hate on bringing their own children into it. with accusations of evil demons and hating on each other's women, I think. and then the other guy stated omnisphere is now deleted from his computer because CPU issues and so on. and Later in another video He does a video where he reinstalls Omnisphere.

As entertaining as this can be I find it dizzying.

One article on google said you needed like 200 GBs to install the software for content and to record with it.

and you may need to use a an external drive to store these plugins.

from todays experience this is not true at all.

And honestly, I wish I did not buy the Komplete 3 years ago. It really fucked me up emotionally spiritually and physically. which I can't blame it entirely on Native Instrument people. In the end I blame myself for not completely moving on which I tried and it wayed heavily on my mind and was reminded by this mistake often by my significate other.

In comparrison. having what I paid for three years ago I feel vindicated. Now comparing the two companies.

Komplete. Its good I feel like now I didn't waste my money now and I can stop kickng my ASS for it. everything works and now I need to figure out the drum machines.

Now looking at things is an Eyesore. I'm 53 yrs. old and I wear glasses. and I find the menu a little too small and my eyes strain and tear up. If this was not I problem I would not be in the market for other software. also They discontinued Abynth 5 which I think is amazing and my favorite plugin. which is fullfilled my expectations of what it is.

So today I got The Omnisphere 2 because I wanted to get the Bob Moog tribute plugins. but I also wanted the Omnisphere. reason being getting into Hard Synths was another rabbit hole for me. with with novation. but thats another story all together

basically, I don't have space for Moogs all over my office so the plugins are my best option until I get a house.

So Omnisphere off the bat is very intuitive as to what.

I want to record. The sounds are amazing. I've already recorded 3 test tracks just to see what I'm dealing with.

The look and functionality of it is great on the eyes and I'm wearing glasses. I don't need to get a 50-inch screen to see what the hell I'm doing. and the sound menu is easy to read and access. whereas Kontakt is confusing. despite the fact it does work and is competent. and yet Omnisphere has better sounds. at this point I don't see why Kontakt is so necessary to a DAW. because a daw never needs Kontakt to be able to use any plugin before. this is what

really messed me up.

Another issue I was worried I got the Omnisphere would I need Kontakt, would it open in my Daw? and would it take a big chunk of GB's? Well the 200 GB scenario is only true with Komplete I had 800 plus GBs on my laptop now down to 630 GBs I thought I needed the whole thing when I only needed Absynth and other ambient sounds.

I'm very happy about that it only took about 64 GBs and honestly the sounds are richer fuller and you can shape it with in the preset itself which tickled me pink. I thought I needed to add other reverbs delay. which does work with Komplete but seems more functional and precise with Omnisphere.

It basically boils down to preference. it the realm of cars. Komplete is more like a gas guzzling Hummer with the promise of Tattoos babes chic Jeans baby gap the gap, pottery barn, flip flops, crocs, a Pitbull a bad ass status with bells and WHISTLES. with a man bud or smooth bald head and lots of finger tattoos.

Omnisphere is more fuel efficient sturdy reliable. there are no tattoos unless you want them and no perfectly groomed beard and and your involved in a realistic loving relationship.

I love the Abynth but the others is lacking to my expectations. which I will buy Plasmonic from the creator Brian Clevinger. later. I'm also getting other Plugins as well. so, You can have both if you want.

You probably have more money than I do and that's not a shocker. Im just glad I don't to spend more money than I have. what a bad Lesson I had to learn. Very bad extremely bad so bad, evil depressing bad.... and bad bad bad andfilm score 2 more times BAD PI

You can both and more. Just don't let the fan boys tell you otherwise.. Im sure they got paid for their review . I for one paid for everything and lost then gained it back somehow by divine intervention.

get them both if you like. if you need to make beats get the drums you like. if you like filmscore get Omnisphere