#you get the vibe that’s my brain I am not inherently a writer

[pebblezone]

Thinking so hard about sertegra dancing fic that has not yet been created

[littlemessyjessi]

hello ma'am! i dunno if You still accept requests... if You don't, just ignore me, please. but if do, then lucky me!

some time ago i saw posts, where in one an author compared, what bts member is most to least likely to date a chubby/plus size person and why, and in the second one, set up a list: "how many drinks it would take a bts member to hook up with a plus size girl".

tbh the second post gave me '???' reaction, but i saw Your plus size oriented works and couldn't help but think, what would You think about that ideas and how would You do it.

if that's something You would like to write, im so excited to read Your thoughts! 🫶

BTS Members and a Plus Size Reader Partner: Thoughts and Vibes

Hello, darling!

I AM still taking requests for BTS x plus size reader at the moment!

Thank you so much for reaching out!

I appreciate you!

As far as my thoughts go, they are as follows. Let's stretch and begin.

Regarding the first topic: Well, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with this topic. I mean, plus size is just another variety of person like blond or green eyes or freckles or whatever. I don't really think there's a problem with saying who you think might or might not be into a more cushiony body type for a partner.

But just.... why? I feel like some do this from a pure point of view just out of curiosity. But some do it to be mean... in which case... I'm going to tell Jimin to hit them with a stick.

However, regarding the second topic. .... wtf?

On the one hand, I get HOW people post that and don't get massacred. We live in a society where thin is presented as prime and best.

Not to say that there is anything wrong with slender. There is 100% not and to shame anyone for their body type, regardless of that body type, is WRONG. Again, if you're bullying anyone over their appearance like that.... I'm telling Jiminie and he will get you.

And honestly, if you rely on picking apart someone's physical appearance in a negative way... it kinda seems like a sign of low intelligence.

Like really? I mean, that's kinda of a fucking joke. It's literally amusing sometimes. Not the bullying. Just the audacity is straight up funny sometimes.

I get it. The world's standards are fucked and SK Beauty standards are so unobtainable in general. Blah, blah, blah.

However, to elude to the fact that they would have to be absolutely hammered to be with a larger person?

Brooooo..... that's so fucked up.

If I were any one of them, I'd be straight up pissed for anyone ever even having the audacity to THINK they knew what my preferences were or weren't. Or rather I'd be pissed that they thought they knew me enough to speak on them and that I would need to be intoxicated to find attractive what that writer didn't.

Like broooooooooooooo. In this day and age? Body shaming? Still doing that?

It's giving small brain energy.

It's giving insecure.

It's giving very much stagnant personality and lack of growth.

How embarrassing ....

Here's the thing, none of us know what they like or don't like. We're not them. We can't read their minds. We can imagine though. The difference lies in the details. To ask how many drinks it would take is to insinuate that the plus size person is therefore less than and the member would be in need of a mind altering substance to even consider being with a fat person. Which is fucked. What is wrong with some of these people?

Now, If I were going to write this, I would instead go about it like this.

What each member loves about dating a plus size body. Like, in theory what they might like based on what little information they have released to us. Or what they might like the best about being in a mixed size relationship. Stuff like that.

But shit! I wouldn't be like... "Oh fuck, how many shots do you think it would take Jimin to bang a fatty?"

Like bro, whaaaaat?

I feel like poor Namjoonie would catch second hand embarrassment just reading that shit.

Also, I would never be so stupid as to assume that A, Jimin would play that game or B, that the shots would even touch him.

The man drinks like a fish. I'm almost certain he's part merman or siren or Poseidon him damn self.

I don't know. I can't focus on Jimin for very long.

He tricks me with the cute, lures me in with sweet and then when I get there and I think I'm safe, he turns on the sexy shit.

Mother fucker is out to get me. I'm telling ya'll.

And he fucking knows it.

Anyway, thank you so much for sending in this ask! It was fun to explore and great responding to you! Please enjoy this Koo with a bow and a bunny smile.

Love, K

......

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[cchapsticck]

20 Fic Writer Questions

@dreamwatch tagged me and I have been so slammed at work but the show is open now and am able to look at my tags.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

146,941

3. What fandoms do you write for?

On this account its been Stranger Things, Baldur's Gate 3 and Critical Role - because we're sticking to a Dungeons and Dragons adjacent theme completely not on purpose.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

UNTITLED RECORDING rcd ca. 1987-1988 ANACRUSIS ca. 1987 head line sunflower broke wait, runner

5. Do you respond to comments?

I sincerely try to! I get them pretty infrequently so I'm always so tripping over myself to say something in response and surely sound like a total dipshit when I do. I know there are a few in my inbox I haven't responded to yet because work has my free time in a vice grip at the moment.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh surely dog at the door - the ending was always intended to be vague and open to interpretation but I cannot imagine any good faith interpretation to the ending is like. good. Runner up is probably of or pertaining to the body, which only takes the runner up status because its an elaboration on canon events that are objectively harrowing, versus with dog where I have engineered speculative misery for the express purpose of being miserable.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

head line, I think, is my only published fic with an unambiguously optimistic ending. I think there's been hope and happiness in my other fics, but not without caveats or as of yet unaddressed emotional complication in the futures of those stories. idk does that even make sense?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far as I know but who knows, maybe there are corners of the internet talking mad shit what do I know?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have said it before and I will say it again, I feel like one of my greatest failings as a writer is my inability to write smut without cringing myself inside out. I just don't think I'm any good at it. Smut lives in my heart though.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I suppose it depends on what one's definition of a crossover is? Like where's the line between an AU and a crossover? One time I wrote a DnD ST AU that includes no established WotC DnD NPCs but all of its world building, is that a crossover? Or does a crossover only constitute as a crossover as a matter of disparate series characters interacting? I have questions.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

lmao aint no on reading my business I cannot imagine anyone would be so moved to do so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't believe so, but I also haven't looked into it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've definitely worked on collaborative projects before, they all exist in various states of planning or semi-publication or DM hollering. I enjoy it, its like playing toys with your friends.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

It really depends what I'm in the mood for? Vibes wise lol? I have a handful of ships that I constantly rotate around in my brain like a rotisserie chicken that re-enter the hyperfocus zone on a semi regular schedule. Ask my about my forevergirl ships.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

lol could be any of them tbh

16. What are your writing strengths?

lmao lol even I'm so bad at self praise this is a nightmare. I like to think I have a deft hand with character voice, I like to think my writing feels generally grounded, lived in?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I really lack rigor, I think, when it comes to writing. I get discouraged by writers block very easily, I make it very easy for myself to walk away from a project. Which, I know isn't inherently a bad thing - some things just don't work out, or you don't have the time for that kind of commitment etc - but I often feel like there is a necessary momentum that I lose that just makes my creative endeavors just stagnate and I really struggle to manufacture that momentum for myself when it starts to diminish.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think it depends, I think there are contexts where it's appropriate and contexts where its inappropriate. For me it boils down to like, one's ability to use the language authentically and grammatically, if the language being potentially inscrutable to the reader is part of the need of the use of another language - textually, does it feel authentic to the way multi-lingual speakers communicate, etc etc etc.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think the first fic I wrote with the intent of public consumption was KHR? I think?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hm. This answer changes from time to time depending on how I'm feeling about my work in general, but I think right now sunflower broke is holding that top slot. It got me back into writing, it made me realize how much fun writing Eddie's character was for me, the themes that sort of preoccupy me about him floated to the surface there. Just a little scratch of the surface with that one.

[amuseoffyre]

You don’t know me from any anonymous blog, but I love your writing! For the fanfic/writer ask list, I’d be interested in #14, #32, and #56. So any one of those (or all, if you’re so inclined). Thanks!

Hello! I'm happy for a diversion from cleaning, so we'll go with all :D

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

It varies depending on the story. Some things, I just make up based on vibes and what feels accurate for the characters. Others, I take little bits and pieces from my own experience and squish them in there. Prime example at the moment is Lady Trouble. I wrote that because I really wanted to examine what it is like to be in a situation where you're neurodiverse and socialised/conditioned to be female and have spent your entire life in this very gendered box but suddenly are in a situation when you can be who you really are. Rolling around in the inherent queerness of Stede is tasty :D

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Shockingly, I don't actually read a lot. Mostly because all of my time is spent writing. One person who I keep going back to and re-reading is Rebecca Seaport, who has done a gorgeous series called Seaglass. Otherwise my brain is a big ol' blank right now.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I write bloody good dialogue. I'm also pretty good at plotting, even if I don't realise it until I'm in the middle of it :D In a practical sense, I'm very proud of my descriptive stuff because that's the stuff I really had to work on. I used to neglect it because I loved the banter too much and never bothered to scene/mood set. It's taken me many a year to get where I am and I'm very happy with it

[bethsuglywigs]

top 5 tropes

1. Canon Divergence 

Cross Your Fingers, Be It Fahrenheit or Centigrade, and Warm in the Fire of Us by @pynkhues

I don’t think I need to sell anyone on Sophie’s work because it’s well established that she provides high quality content. fortunately for me, she also likes the same tropes as me so i stay well fed. 

CYF: a post-s2 fic dripping with angst and criminal activity. the scene where rio interrupts beth’s date lives rent free in my head. 

BIFOC: set during s2, rio is sick 😷 and beth plays nurse 👩‍⚕️ ... god tier scenario 

WITFOU: set during s3 (aka brio’s angst era) lets just say... clean like him changed me on a spiritual level  (inspired the forbid blow job 👀)

a song inside the halls of the dark by @mego42

this fic as everything: a road trip, beth committing murder, crafts, several near death experiences, brio sexily not communicating, find my friends, AND pta moms interacting with brio... like what more could you ask for in a sprawling post-s2 fic? a must read imo 

Good Sport by fireinsideforfun

i know you’re all ARC stans so I don’t need to tell you that fiff is a good writer. but what I am hear to say is that Good Sport is a slept on fic (pun intended). brio bed sharing and not communicating my beloved. 

for a moment we were strangers by openhearts

this is fic is iconic for fully embracing beth and rio’s age gap (41 v. 29)... openhearts said cougar rights. but also this fic is a fun little brio playing house fic and i just can’t get enough of it 

I Put A Spell On You (and now you're mine) by @sdktrs12

um hellooooooooooo halloween 🎃 prompts my beloved. 

2. Hate Sex

your monster looks like mine by mego42

this fic is about having hate sex on drugs..... das it baby 🥵

satisfied through the weekend by @septiembrre

the show gave us brio having sex while beth is on a date with her husband (iconic, revolutionary, etc), but Gaby one-upped them and gave use up brio having sex while beth is on a date with the hitman she hired to murder rio... i have to stan 

As Good As This by @riosnecktattoo

wire sex - i simply love betrayal 

Two Shoes by pynkhues

all you need to know about this fic is that brio do a job together that requires them to dance and then hide in a closet together (sexily)... the animosity and sexual tension is off the charts

I Will Collect You and Capture You by @foxmagpie

oKaY..... these clowns 🤡 are really at their worst in this fic. like please have a conversation im begging you (jk keep hate fucking and being angsty). rio fr thinks he can fuck beth out of his system, but all he can do is think about her when he’s with other women. literally down so bad in this one. 

3. Outsider POV/Interactions

Three Drops (an intermission) and If It Wasn't for All the Lights by pynkhues

these two fics inspired my own outsider pov fic... thats how influential they are. other people should NOT be forced to interact with beth and rio and yet... its so incredibly funny when they do. i would sell my soul for some more outsider pov fic i s2g. 

Choose Your Own Adventure by sdktrs12

if you’ve followed me for longer than 30 seconds then you know im a cyoa stan. the concept of beth and rio having to spend time with normal parents makes me insane. and they’re just so horny for each other, but in the woods and thats just so special to me.

listening through the air shaft by mego42

another iconic outsider pov fic. truly the dean pov chapter is incredible. like it was so incredibly big brained of meg to make Dean witness brio coming out of the  bathroom break bathroom together. transcendent really. 

AITA for wanting to stop paying my wife’s “business partner” and yelling at her? by @lemoncupcake

spoiler alert: he is the asshole 

PTA Vibes by greyish 

again i’m OBSESSED with the idea of normal people interacting with brio and being subjected to their insanity. and brio being on the pta together is inherently hysterical. 

4. School AU

delinquents, stunner, and I'll Fall If You Do by foxmagpie

queen of high school aus it has to be said. the high school teacher just JUMPS out and im obsessed. 

delinquents... my beloved... where to even begin? a must read for sure. i love this fic so much it inspired my entire fanfic fanart series. 

stunner: blockt for this one; intentional infliction of emotional distress law suit still pending 

IFIYD: i love two dummies with a requited crush on each other playing spin the bottle   

Both Sides of the Law by @joeyjoeylee

if you’re ever been to law school then you’d know that joey captured it perfectly. its the perfect au setting for brio because only insane people go to law school. thats just facts. this fic made me cry (real actual tears from my eyes) several times. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

QuikGrove University by sdktrs12

a staple in the brio college au category. just two college students having sex and committing crimes like god intended. 

watermelon sugar and Seven Minutes in Heaven by @querenaxx

ws: rio spends this entire fic with his tongue 👅 inside beth and i love that journey for him

smih: the title really says it all. and what im saying is that it needs a sequal as asap as possible.

Jawbreaker by riosnecktattoo

tay does simp rio like no one else... its the longing for me... (also rio sexily plays basketball)

Pre Season by @wakeupflawless

if you follow my main blog then you know im obsessed with soccer so of course a brio soccer au is going to be my bread and butter. they literally want to fuck each other so bad, but also, they want to beat each other on the field and that just feels so right.

Sliding Into Third by @fairhairedkings

baseball rio... das it baby... that’s all i need to say i think

A Special Kind of Business by CaptainCabinets

beth x rio x high school x drug dealing = incredible 

5. Very Brio Specific Sex (i.e. pool table, hot tub, desk etc.)    

Invitation to a Beheading by riosnecktattoo

they literally have sex next to a dead body (🥴)

Say It by riosnecktattoo 

desk sex with a twist bc its at boland bubbles instead of boland motors (cucking is cucking babes)

trade my heart for honey and now use both hands by mego42

tmhfh: antagonistic pool playing leads to fucking on the pool table 

nusbh: desk sex but they make it other peoples problem lmao

Lining Up the Shot  and Part of the Equation by brokensatellites

luts: he bends her over the pool table just like in canon, but its actually sexy

pote: hot tub sex like literally fucking in the hot bubbly water 

Show Me How To Get Offended by FakePlastikTrees 

hot tub sex, sex in the hot tub - its what we deserved but never got

your tongue told me every lie by carrythesky 

desk sex on THE boland motors desk... 😌

Salty Sweet by foxmagpie

desk sex but beth is sucking him off under the desk while hes conducting business 

[kitkatpancakestack]

Hold up...your theory on all the season finales focusing on Buck and his love interests — Buck ending each season being left by someone he loved (he didn't really love Ali, but doesn't matter). Hold. Up. Not really a theory, but a keen observation of fact on your part! But what was different about season 4, hmm? He almost lost Eddie, but the episode ended with Eddie staying, Eddie choosing Buck. THIS SHOW!!!

911 narrarive parallels are rarely one-on-one, they are like fractals. What on earth is coming next???

(And I am now just remembering that that scene with Buck and Eddie was the final scene of the episode, before the montage.)

I don't know what I'm asking except I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this parallel (or anything else 911 that is on your mind...)

OHohoh be careful what you ask for, I will reach into my brain and splatter the proverbial canvas with every over-analytical triviality I can get my hands on.

@yramesoruniverse I am so happy to see you in my inbox, every time your url pops up on my dash I smile. I vibe with your vibes! Reading your tags on my posts and vice versa feels like we're sitting down with some popcorn to talk shit (affectionate) about this beloved weewoo show.

Okay okay onto the ask - naturally I have some opinions, 90% of my headspace is the weewoo and 10% is nonsense like bills, groceries, my job, school applications, etc. I've got thoughts. So here we go:

I've started realizing this on my latest re-watch, and I just got to the season 3 finale, and as I was shoving my face full of Wendy's I thought to myself, whoa whoa whoa, this is the third finale of this show and the third time I have to see Buck all forlorn and woe is me bc another LI is leaving him. And everything snowballed after that. Let's go in order, and then we're gonna talk about other character's arcs as they manifest in the finale, and then hopefully I can pull this mess together at the end so it makes sense!

Let's preface these analyses by saying that typically season finales are reserved for revisiting the main storylines of characters, and in the case of 9-1-1 which focuses on the personal lives of the first responders, the main storylines revolve around those characters' families. Buck's main storyline is his search for meaningful connection and having something that he can call his own.

1x10: "A Whole New You"

Abby leaves Buck. That's what this boils down to in regards to the theme of this post. After Buck prepared himself to "step into it with her" and "keep her company there," Abby's mom passed away and relieved her of the last thing tethering her in place, resulting in her deciding to travel the world and rediscover herself. I think the title of the episode is hilarious as it relates to Buck and Abby, because it's pretty obvious in Abby's case but in the context of the next season we literally start to see the transition to a "whole new Buck." I hate speaking its name aloud, but Buck 2.0 anyone???

Why Abby leaves: she was afraid she would lose herself if she stayed

What Buck learns: he is capable of a monogamous relationship and actually he might prefer this to the alternative

2x18: "This Life We Choose"

Ali leaves Buck. Her mere existence in this episode shows the audience Buck is actively moving on from Abby. He is trying to make this whole meaningful connection thing work, which feels more authentic to him probably because Ali is already established in his life (sound like someone we know from season 4 anybody??? sorry I digress), but we know how this turns out.

Why Ali leaves: she couldn't handle the inherent danger and unpredictability of his job

What Buck learns: people leave, but you know what will always be there for him? His job. Let's project our entire self-worth onto that, then.

3x18: "What's Next?"

Abby leaves Buck (again, and this time for another man!). It's more like the continuation and finalization of the process she started in the season one finale, but absolutely this gets its own mention. Never mind that Tim said the train was literally a metaphor for Buck. Abby isn't walking off into the vague unknown with this one. She is about to marry a single father (cough cough) and that is the deliberate cut-off to her and Buck's relationship, which leaves him in a bit of a freefall as is obvious during the first bit of season 4 (hello Dr. Copeland, better late than never I suppose).

Why Abby leaves: she found someone who she can be her authentic self with, who she doesn't feel will make her backslide

What Buck learns: everybody walks away, he is always the one left behind, maybe the problem is himself.

4x14: "Survivors"

Eddie almost left Buck. The difference? Abby and Ali both made active choices to leave him. Eddie had to literally get gunned down in the street, through no choice of his own, in order to even be added into this parallel. Considering the culminating events of Buck's story arc throughout the years and especially the plotline we get in season four alone, this is huge, don't you think? I know the writers do, because they literally put up a huge neon sign with the final scene between Buck and Eddie like, "We know Buck always gets left behind at the end of each season but look at this! He isn't! In fact, it's the exact opposite!" and then we're forced to go insane ruminating on the meaning of these choices for an eternity during the hiatus.

This is already obscenely long, and I have some thoughts about other characters and how their main plotlines play out during the season finales, but I'll leave this here for now. Hope this gave you something!

[anonil88]

Malcolm and Marie live blog

I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.

Spoilers ahead!!

I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.

A tune indeed.

When you are high and drunk on success and

How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.

Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.

So he's pretentious and unaware.

Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.

Can this nigga stop pacing.

Also can he stop talking;

Marie is so tired and unimpressed.

Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.

Oooo the tension and the jazz.

Title Card over mac and cheese.

Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.

Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.

John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.

Guilty confession?

He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....

If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.

GASLIGHTER!

The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.

Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.

He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.

If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.

I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.

70s vibes! 70s vibes!

Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.

Women really are behind every great man.

Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.

Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.

She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.

Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.

I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.

Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?

The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.

Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.

Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.

Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.

Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.

So she's conditional.

Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.

Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba

He is so hurtful.

A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.

John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.

He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.

Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.

This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.

They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.

Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.

The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.

He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.

Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄

ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.

Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.

He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.

Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.

He ain't even ask her to read?

One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)

You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.

Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)

But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.

To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.

Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.

CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.

I love Marie yep that was amazing.

Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)

He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.

Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.

I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.

Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.

Marie to herself and the audience:

He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.

The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5

Oh shit this is my song,

Ratings/overall thoughts:

Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.

Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.

Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.

John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.

Cinematography: A and a participation award.

The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.

Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.

The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2

Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.

Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification

Sero Hanata

so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you

they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him

Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you

Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows

If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it

they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times

they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort

If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.

they cried way more than you though...

Was very accepting as an nb person as well

they custom made you a tape binder of his

Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them

Takes you to pride but you cannot speak

only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them

Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float

You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at

After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go

they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though

When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board

they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else

If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort

Tokoyami Fumikage

haha they're in love with you

like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you

Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you

when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius

Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours

After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude

they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world

they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways

hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek

they love living with you though, like really love it

they like baking and making dinner for you

but especially baking

like really, baking

the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do

they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well

The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them

you both kind of heal each other through this process

they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need

also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth

idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao

they also get you a compression corset because they're emo

if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them

they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it

there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like

they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this

but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine

Shinso Hitoshi

Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain

they always thought that they weren't good enough for you

he loved you but you needed to say hi first

and you did

so he whisked you away

they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food

he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable

especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him

He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows

once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light

they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?

a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega

sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things

when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care

like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it

he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"

HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????

definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though

like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you

he melts over you cuddling them after those times though

if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there

like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)

Monoma Neito

bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face

love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way

he loves just having you around him

kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it

likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him

a hardcore fan of collars though

definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it

big time cook

loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies

absolute fucking disaster about hugging you

always has to be touching you

he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom

if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first

he's just diet transphobic

he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff

he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes

he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole

talks to you about binders and stuff like that

doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through

he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt

he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun

Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.

[guileheroine]

Omg struggling! Got character counted in the comments so I’ll paste here:

Wow this was beyond - thank you so much for the thoughtful and thorough response! I am absolutely signing up for your lecture series lol. All of this helps calcify some vague thoughts I’ve had as a reader but never put into practice as a writer so thank you for laying out a framework about what/why you tackle the stories that you do. I do feel like I’m missing out on the majority of fun from not resonating with so much of what people seem to be excited about(!) but this really helps separate the reader/writer insomuch as writing AUs with the level of thoughtfulness you describe here is an excellent way of engaging with the characters and the themes of a work as a critical challenge. Laying out the different aspects of Korra’s character that you built your stories around is a lightbulb moment for me because it obviously comes through in your stories but seeing it spelled out in this way gives me so much inspiration on how to frame a story and where to push and pull, while still staying true to the values, themes, and abilities of the characters. AUs sit in that really interesting space for me between source-extension and examination and OC fiction and it’s a delicate balance to try and hit that sweet spot in a satisfying way. I think where you excel is not only just technical writing proficiency but creating an AU story that feels like it has something to actually say about the source material in an emotionally resonant way! Honestly thank you so much for taking the time for this I have a lot more thoughts to process but I’m really excited to have this to refer to! <3

i'm really happy you found it helpful, your ask definitely helped me consider my own approach more consciously too! and thank you again ;_; humbled bc when i'm actually writing it's truly 85% vibes

btw you hit the nail on the head with your description of AUs here, i think the tension/negotiation inherent in translation of any kind is also why i can't let them go as a concept even though 99% of what i see is whatever (i've been doing actual translation lately and it's incredibly hard but also one of the crunchiest things you can ask your brain to do??) one thing i actually do wish is that we saw more setting-based AUs rather than the uber specific 1:1 tropes/templates, whether in fic or art, bc again they let the characters lead (e.g. when i see 'star wars AU' i'd much rather it be an interpretation of what the character would be like in star wars land rather than, say, korra in the costume (literal or narratively) of rey. that could not be less interesting to me but yeah soo much of technically excellent fanwork is like this!) i wish characters weren't treated indiscriminately as vessels for [insert any scenario] but that's almost getting into a broader point about fanon in general and i def acknowledge my personal bar for what's OOC is quite easy to clear

so yeah fully empathise on feeling like you're missing out on the fun because of stuff not resonating with you. and i'd love to hear any more thoughts you might have once you're done processing lol <3

[writeraquamarinara]

as with everything else in life, I’m late to making this post. I tend to make one around Jan 1st every year, but it’s now a few days after that, and all i can say for myself is that time is non-consequential during a pandemic, right? right.

anywho, this is my usual “thank you for keeping me going this year” post, but with even more fervor. 2020 would not have been nearly as tolerable without you all in it. and when i say all i really do mean all. thank you to anyone who follows me here or has read and supported my work on AO3 or has sent me a message or an ask or even just likes my posts. you can never know how many people’s hearts you’ve touched, lives you’ve made better, but i’m telling you now: you made me smile and laugh and feel love in a year that could have easily stolen all that. thank you for sticking around.

a few more specific shoutouts are under the cut to keep from flooding your dashes. i hope you’re all having a wonderful start to the new year.

much love, mari

to @anniemurphys: ria, i cannot thank you enough, for so many things. you played such a vital role in turning this year around for me. your friendship, and the friendships you’ve helped me make through book club, kept me smiling from week to week. i never wanted to leave our meetings, no matter how long they’d already gone. I could listen to your literary analyses and life advice for days on end. you’re such a kind, patient, loving person, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. here’s to another year of freaking out over taylor swift albums and the power inherent in voluntarily turning oneself into vegetation.

to @bigdsgirl: heidi, you’re one of the sweetest, most hard-working people i know. you amaze me, and you graciously humor my latest hyper fixations—somehow always knowing, always reblogging content related to what i’m obsessing over at the moment. you give such great advice and have such a calming presence that i love being in chats and on calls with you. i cannot wait for more zoom movie nights in 2021.

to @hellodinoflower: raptor, you’ve supported me for so many years now, and whenever i feel down about my writing i’ll go back through the comments on some of my old fics and yours always make me tear up. you’re so thoughtful and kind and excited about my work that i cannot help but be the same. i hope you enjoyed the little dino reference in pride & publishing—i tried my best, i really did—and i hope you’re doing well. sending you so much love.

to @soyforramen: soy, i promise i’ll get to your head canon asks some day. i promise i haven’t forgotten them; i’m just uncreative and uninspired, but what else is new. you, however, are brilliant and kind and thoughtful, and your guidance in making both life and fic-writing decisions has been so important to me this year. wishing you so much luck with school this year, and even more happiness.

to @ithoughtyoulikedmereckless: rach, where to even begin? you’re the person i talk to when i’m feeling happy or sad or annoyed or angry or pretty much anything, really. our FaceTime convos are my favourite, no matter what time of day we have them at (somehow, the ones at 10pm are just as crazy as the ones at 3am, and i don’t really understand how or why, but i love that for us). i’ve learned so much about myself through my conversations with you, and you keep me level headed when i start doubting myself too much. you understand me on such an amazing level and i’m so lucky that you reached out to me so many years ago. i’m so lucky that we just happened to find each other on here and just so happened to move near each other this year. i still cannot believe i get to see you in person and go on walks in the woods with you. you’re such a talented photographer, writer, painter, baker, and all around artist; an incredibly kind and funny person; and i aspire to be you. i’m rambling now, but just know that i love you.

to @catthecoder: lav, my light, my love. seeing your icon and username on my dash makes me smile so hard. you just give off the best vibes and chatting with you always leaves me feeling like i’ve been basking in the sunlight for the past few hours. we need to make a resolution to sprint with each other more often this year, even if 2021 is going to be as hectic as ever, as i find so much joy in reading your snippets as we go along. you’re such a wonderful writer, and i often read your gift to me from years ago for inspiration and comfort. i hope you’re doing well and am sending so much love.

to @stirringsofconsciousness: stirrings!! i know you’ve had a super busy year, but you still made time to chat with me and i’ll be forever grateful. i often think about the advice you’ve left for me and the thoughtful responses you’ve given to my personal posts and find so much inspiration in your own words and actions. i also still cannot get over the time when you sent me a post of artful vases because you thought of me when you saw them. mortifying ordeal of being known who? anyways lol, i just wanted to thank you for being in my life and wish you a happy 2021.

to @heavy-lies-the-crown: alex, i just wanted to thank you for putting your time and energy towards answering my incessant questions this year. you’ve been an inspiration to me as a writer ever since i first found your work, but you’re also an inspiration to me as a person, and i’m always thinking about the advice you’ve given me. i hope you had a wonderful end to 2020, and that 2021 brings you even more joy than seeing your posts on my dash brings me. much love.

to @stonerbughead: maria, you brought so much happiness to my 2020. your support for my work took my breath away every time, and I swear I nearly cried when I saw your latest comments on pride and publishing. you put so much time and energy into this fandom, and into supporting the people in it, and I hope you know that it doesn’t go unnoticed. we all love you, and we’re so lucky to have you; your fics are brilliant, your podcast highlights are a joy to read, and your disdain for ras is hilarious. thank you for being you. sending lots of love.

to @sullypants: sully, it’s been years and i still marvel at how lucky i am to know you. you’ve taught me so much, from how to be more thoughtful to how to navigate therapy and self-love to how to be a kinder person in the world. you introduced me to ask polly and you send me really nice asks and you’re one of like four people who interacts with my posts on a consistent basis, which makes me feel a little less alone in the world, if that makes any sense. i’m going to stop myself from rambling on or else i might cry, but i just wanted to thank you for—here comes the cliche—changing my life (doesn’t everyone we meet change our lives, in some way or another? but you’ve changed mine considerably, and for the better). sending you so much love (in the form of both yellow and blue heart emojis)

to @justcourbeau: mel, our paths cross less frequently now than they used to, but that doesn’t mean i don’t think about you and the conversations we’ve had, or smile when i come across your posts on my dash, or when i happen to open up instagram once in a blue moon and see you’ve posted on your story. please never stop sending me sparknotes memes—especially cask of amontillado ones. your words of advice from the night i called you, distraught, a few years ago live in my brain rent free, and i will continue to carry them into 2021 with me. i hope 2021 treats you well, and that you achieve all you want and more. sending you an immense amount of love.

to @protectorofthesmoll: your string of comments on pride and publishing made me cry multiple times, i swear. i still read them back every so often, when i’m trying to muster the courage to start up on the new chapter. your support means so much to me, and it amazes me how far back it goes: I’m pretty sure I have at least two asks of yours sitting in my inbox, from back in 2018 when I had barely any followers or supporters, both of them writing prompts that I never filled. i promise i’ll get to them one day. anywho, i just wanted to thank you for your support this year, and every year before that. wishing you so much love and happiness in 2021.

to @panalegs27: 2020 was the year of figuring out that we have so much in common: a hatred of dating apps, confusion over tumblr’s obsession with the raven cycle, and an attraction to logan lerman with gray hair. thank you for chatting about all of these things, and more, with me; seeing that you’ve sent me a post always makes me smile, and our conversations make me laugh. wishing you even more love and laughter in 2021.

to @indiebughead: maria, it’s been so lovely getting to know you more over the course of this year. i love listening to your stories and living vicariously through you, lol. (i want updates on new neighbor boy, asap!) thank you for listening to my petty rants and for encouraging me to make bad decisions and be salty on main when i want to be. i couldn’t have asked for a more supportive conspirer ;) sending lots of love.

to @redundantoxymorons: iz, you’re one of the smartest, most eloquent, most supportive people i know. i know 2021 will be both stressful and exciting in many ways, and i wish you all the best. i know you’re going to thrive wherever you end up, and i’ll cheer you on as you navigate this new world, just as you’ve done for me all these years. i’m so lucky to have you as a friend, supporter, and beta, and all of our conversations bring me so much joy. pls continue to gush about taylor swift and rec books and send uquizzes with results that make me feel Known in 2021. i love you very much <3

to @cracklr: leda, i’ve missed your passive aggressive smiley faces, but your gushing insta comment more than made up for that, i promise :) sending you so much love and happiness in this new year <3

to @dottie-wan-kenobi: dottie, the posts we send each other make me so upset, but in a good way—the “if i just had to see this nasty shit then so do you” kind of way—and i love that about our relationship. who else would understand how disgustingly hilarious something is other than my wife? no one, that’s who. i often think about how you were the first friend i made in fandom, and i’ll be forever grateful for that: i couldn’t have found a better person. i love you so much, and am sending you all my love.

this list of shoutouts is really much shorter than it should be, but my brain is currently friend and i cannot seem to think properly anymore. therefore, i’m going to call it a day and reiterate my above statements that I love you all, and I hope you have a fucking amazing 2021.

[yellowocaballero]

ugh what you said about jon just helplessly missing deisha and despite being able to connect, still ultimately grieves alone forced me to think about this one book that said something like “grief is a room you enter alone” and I just ;_; something I love about your metas so much is that you rlly pick apart how it can be true that multiple things can be happening at once - he’s being understood, but he can’t be understood, he’s monstrous, but he’s human etc. basically I adore these essays and just reading how you build and present flaws in characters I think is genuinely making me a better writer

THANK YOU...I think we all grieve alone, just a little bit. With people, and maybe especially with more intangible things - when we move to another city or country, when we live alienated from our home cultures, when our bodies fail us, or when relationships fail. It’s inherently such a solitary thing.

And yeah, so often in life we’re feeling so many contradictory things!! Maybe even ALL THE TIME! I’ve loved and hated simultaneously, I’ve never wanted to see someone again and found myself constantly seeking out contact. You ever never want someone to text you, but you’re sad that they don’t text? I want to go back to my workplace but also I want to keep working from home forever. So it’s a real, legitimate feeling, I think.

But that’s also not why I write it that way. Stories inherently kind of have to work on both a literal and symbolic/metaphorical level. You said that you were interested in the writing bits, so I’ll get specific - I determine what happens in layers. Some things are the most essential aspects of the story, and everything else has to warp around that. Hope Etc is a very weird and bad example because a) I put no thought in this story and b) the nature of daemons is that they literalize the metaphorical. So basically every physical thing that Jon does is metaphorical for something. 

So what a story is ‘about’ is the most important thing, and this can change and shift throughout the story as you realize what keeps cropping up time again and again (which is kind of oxymoronic). I use monster vs human a lot for this specific fandom, because monsters can have whatever metaphorical significance you fucking want them to, but other stories such as hope vs desolation, optimism vs pessimism, wanting to die vs choosing to live, etc, work too. The second thing is tone - which determines the message of the story dramatically. What a story is ‘about’ can’t be pessimism when you have a light-hearted and comedic tone. Unless you’re getting REALLY creative. You can add a lot of additional themes to that, but a bunch of themes together make is what something is about. Also very important is that for me what something is ‘about’ includes genre. 

Then what’s kind of wrapped around that is the metaphor. Literal things happen, which have metaphorical meaning, which advance what a story is ‘about’. Not everything that happens is metaphorical - sometimes things have to happen to advance the plot - but things that happen need to advance something. Either plot, or a character arc, or they need to have metaphorical significance. In my opinion the most deft writing is when everything that happens has all three. 

I think over metaphor is character arc and character. When something happens in a story it has to advance the plot and advance the character’s arc. The character’s arc forms a trajectory that spells out the theme. A character arc for me frequently means the relationship between two characters, which often really really work to highlight theme. I think people push each other to change and grow a lot. If it’s a romantic relationship I push that ‘growth instigated by the other’ hard. Also, foils. I think the best romantic relationships are foils. I love foils. I always write foils. Just adore them, they’re so easy to write. Just make someone the opposite of someone else but give them the same theme. It’s great. This is also why I’m always saying that I don’t really sit down and ‘make characters’, characters just happen based on what needs to happen. I don’t decide anything about a character when I start out besides “haha exact opposite of canon character” or “haha amnesiac PI” or “haha roleswap”. And that’s coming from someone who rarely uses canon characterizations and who writes everybody as a thinly veiled OC...and maybe that’s why everybody kind of ends up a thinly veiled OC...

Over that is plot. Plot is what has to happen to make all of these other things happen. I can’t plot. I think I can’t plot because I’m too worried about these other things and I forget ‘oh yeah, Things Have To Happen’. Maybe there’s other people who plot first and then figure out these other things based on what happens in the plot? ....why...

So I kind of made that a gumball, layered thing, because that’s how I build the story. And I shouldn’t have, because these things all feed each other. What a story is ‘about’ is highly dictated by what you’ve decided the character arc to be - highly - and it creates a feedback loop as both of these things get changed and twisted and tangled during writing. A story never ends how I intended, because different things crop up. But there is a ‘priority list’ for me, and that’s kind of the layers - these characters have to act in X way because that’s one of the cornerstones I need to hit for the genre, so I have to have their character arcs match this. Characters can’t act in a certain way just because the plot makes them - granted, sometimes they do, but that means that you have to go back and tweak their character arc to match. You cannot have something metaphorically happen that goes completely against the theme, unless that has repercussions. Plot isn’t the story for me, the about is the story. None of this is hard and fast, and there is nothing that you can’t do, you just really have to view all of these things in a complex interplay that constantly affect each other.

I think of it like gears? They all work together and churn together to make the story work. But if you twist one gear, the others move too. You first imagine it this one way, but then you keep on tweaking and tweaking and tweaking, and then everything else has to change too, so then you’re like why did I even bother to outline, outlining is stupid, and also I have this funny joke so I have to go back and change everything, and...

Wow, maybe that’s why I’m so bad at planning shit..

My...goal? Is to make it so that Everything works on every level. You should be able to read a story completely literally and completely miss the metaphorical meaning and still vibe. But unfortunately the way it turns out for me sometimes is that the symbolism outweighs the literal. When I write absurdist/surrealist stuff it’s just me being lazy and not having to have things be literal, lol. What you get when something only works on a symbolic level and not on a literal level at all is Utena. And I’m writing trashy fanfic so I can’t do that. What normally happens in practice is that things happen literally for a bit, and then I’m like ‘oh I’m Sensing a Theme’ and then I start playing into the theme, and then things happen because it’s thematic. Plot is...plot should be more important to me...

And then of course there’s grounding all of this in human emotion and making sure there’s a climax (me, shaking hope etc: THERE’S NO FUCKING CLIMAX), and dealing with all of that stuff that makes it actually emotional and impactful instead of just abstract and dumb. 

I chose not to use examples for all of that because I wanted it to just be broad writing advice? I can kind of point out there examples of that line of thinking in my writing, and I probably can for Hope, Etc, but it would be a bad example - both because the NATURE of that story is that the literal is INHERENTLY a metaphor so you really cannot view anything in that story as literal, nothing in it is literal - also because I put no thought into it. 

Of course that’s not my process. That’s not my process at all. I don’t sit down and figure this shit out. I didn’t read any of that anywhere, it’s just me bullshitting, that entire thing was just me bullshitting relentlessly I am so fucking sorry. My process is that I joke about ideas with friends, I sit down at a computer and I kind of thump a keyboard for a few hours, I live my life and daydream stuff and kinda make little movies in my heads, I go home and slam the keyboard some more, halfway through I walk up to my beta and go “hey what’s the plot of this?” she helps me figure it out by giving me very bad ideas, I kind of slam my keyboard some more, and then it’s done. And then I kinda edit it a little maybe whatever and then I post it. 

There’s not a lot of thought involved. I really can’t stress enough how I don’t think about all of this when I write. I’m really brain empty. When I do these analyses what I’m doing is that I’m looking back over my story and then I’m like...Oh That’s What I Was Doing! Huh! Neat!

Haha that got long. I’m not a good writer. Thanks for the ask!

[curewhimsy]

-Unfinished- Defota POV vent drabble fic under the cut…

I referred to him as his fanmade “human name,” Kanade.

Defosuke is referred to as his fanmade “human name,” Hibiki.

—————— Kanade’s Point Of View

My piano teacher thinks I’m the biggest idiot to have ever lived. Emphasis on “biggest,” considering I was fat enough to break the smaller piano seat she was using that day just by sitting in it. She got really visibly annoyed at me and lectured me with how much it would cost to get fixed. While hauling out a sturdier chair for me, she asked me my favorite food. I assumed at the time she was just making casual conversation. I smiled and told her I liked rice balls. Anything with rice, really. I remember the way she furrowed her brow as she began to nag to me about how rice is a very simple carb, and that get converted to sugar in the body. I should stop eating so much rice, she said. “No wonder you’re so large.” She said. “And I don’t mean that in a healthy way.” Those were the first interactions we shared together. It all went downhill from there. (Add Kanade’s interactions with the piano teacher, how much the piano means to him, how he feels like quitting because of his teacher.) Every lesson was like that. My teacher wouldn’t stop nitpicking about things that made me feel awful, hurt, useless. She behaved, and continues to act as if I don’t even feel these emotions, that I cannot feel broken. Because I am just a robot to her. I am an android, but my feelings can still be hurt. She criticizes me as if I already don’t know these things. I know I’m fat. I know I’m not good at anything; I’m horrible at piano, the worst singer in my family, and too shy and timid to ever speak up or draw attention to myself. I lack charisma, I’m not intelligent, and I’ve never told an actually funny joke in my entire life. I have no inherent value. (Talk about more of Kanade’s dreams, such as being a pianist, a writer, how he feels like cooking for his family isn’t much (“Throwing things in a pot isn’t anything special. Anyone can do it.”) You know how some people can saturate the room with an overpowering presence just by being in it? I never understood how people are able to do that. My own presence is so weak. “Non-existent” would be more accurate. I can’t help that I’m so reclusive. Because whenever I’ve tried to come out, I was always pushed down. My classmate, Momotaro, is one of those people with a bright aura. People always smile when they see him. They loosen up and the atmosphere becomes really lively. I really admire him. Momotaro is kind to me often, but I suspect it’s mostly out of pity. He’s invited me to hang out at clubs and parties before, but I found it overwhelming because I get self-conscious. (Talk about more of Kanade’s interactions with Momotaro) My younger brother, Hibiki, is a lot more outgoing than me. He’s always in the sun, the spotlight, as I watch him from afar, from the shadows. He has charisma. He’s dorky, but in an endearing way. He’s goofy, funny, and quite popular. He wants to be taken more seriously, he says. But I still don’t see any problem with how he’s perceived. I’d give anything to be more like him. He also has some of the highest grades in his age group at school. Me? I’m just a big fat loser with a brain that doesn’t work. My younger sister, Uta, is a musical genius with a gift. She has a very close group of friends who all support each other. Uta is quiet, but she still has charisma. She’s snarky and her sense of humor is dry. The way she expresses herself is very unique. I don’t really have a solid self-expression yet. I don’t even have much of a full sense of who I truly am. Uta’s friends are really quite amazing too. Uta is close friends with someone named Taya Soune. He is kind, polite, and has maturity beyond his years. He is a very profound person—I envy that fact. He also has a beautiful voice, I was blown away when I first heard him sing. He had such an airy, delicate tone. His range could very easily be soprano, despite him being masculine. I find his voice really special. I’m just another awful baritone. Uta’s other friend, Ritsu Namine, is quite a character. Unlike me, he sticks around in your mind for quite a while. He makes a very big impact. He also has a powerful, well-controlled singing voice, really something special. When he belts the big notes it sends straight shivers down your spine. I don’t think I could ever be able to do that… not like him. Uta’s friends Momo and Teto are so cheerful. They’re always smiling and carefree. Teto is usually bouncing around making people smile and laugh, and her vibes are so positive. I want to make people happy the way she does. But all I ever do is make people and myself sad. Momo is so polite and caring. She loves the world and benefits so many causes. I’m not even as kind and selfless as she is. If I was, I wouldn’t be filled with so much envy. Uta’s friend Ruko Yokune is even taller than me. But unlike me, they’re not fat, despite them sleeping all the time. Because they’re not lazy when they’re not sleeping! Ruko is always motivated and has a lot of drive and determination. Unlike me, who’s always down in the dumps. Unlike me, they wouldn’t be sulking right now! They let nothing get in their way! Why can’t I be more like them…? Which brings me to my youngest sister, Koe. Even though she’s a bit of a crybaby like me, well, she’s just a kid. But unlike me, she always keeps trying, even through her tears. My family and friends don’t know I’m feeling this way. (Talk about an event where Kanade hid his sadness from his family.) I really want to try again too. But sometimes… it’s exhausting just knowing I’ll fail again. Just knowing I’ll be hurt and in the dark again. It’s scary. I’m afraid I will be hurt again. And then my wound will grow even bigger. I’m afraid one day it will grow too big for me to handle. Still… I spend my days to look for a reason, an opportunity, an excuse, or an incentive, to try again. Because trying again is the only way I will one day succeed.

[nowis-scales]

Pre-Verdant Wind Endgame Update

An Update on the ol’ Three Houses Verdant Wind playthrough, since I’ve been neglecting documenting my journey properly for a bit:

• My current placement is Ch.20, so I’m only a few chapters away from the last one. It’s kind of a weird thought because I feel like I just hit the timeskip, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will feel well-paced out. In terms of writing, I’m known for being a bit of a stickler for good flow. It’s why all of my fanfics take so long to update! I have to make sure my flow is perfect.

• The fact that they have been giving background information on characters has been so amazing. Learning that Raphael’s sister’s name was Maya and getting to hear about her has made me irrationally happy.

• Also, just generally, holy shit people sleep on Raphael and Leonie. Raphael often gets shoved to the side, and Leonie is treated like her only trait is liking Jeralt, and for me it all just culminates in the question of “so did you like... not do their support conversations, or...?” Seriously. I think Leonie might be one of my favourites in the game so far, and I adore Raph. He’s so sweet!

• The Flame Emperor reveal for some reason gave me “and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids” vibes. I liked the venom Cherami Leigh had there as Rhea, too. I think I read from someone that in Japanese, Rhea’s actually super calm in that scene. I don’t think I have a preference towards the anger or the calmness, honestly. I think I just liked how smoothly the emotion came across. Plus, I’m a little biased, I’m fond of Cherami as an actress. I haven’t found a performance from her I haven’t enjoyed yet.

• I was really confused as to why Seteth showed up in my house after Chapter 12ish I think? I wasn’t expecting him to just be there after the paralogue, but I definitely wasn’t unhappy. I do like him! I just never use him, because I recruited Bernadetta and Sylvain, so I kinda have a full roster going... 

• I was also confused in the Gronder Field fight because I couldn’t see what people meant about Bernie getting set on fire. Then I remembered Bernie wasn’t on the hill because she was with me. I recruited her. Whatever this proves about me, I don’t know.

• I did end up beating Marianne’s paralogue! It actually wasn’t as hard once I levelled her up a bit and classed her to a Holy Knight. The big thing with her in that paralogue seems to be that she needs a decent amount of power and movement to really get by, so that’s what I’d recommend for anyone else playing it. Using rescue will also probably help you out, but I tried to avoid using Flayn there because it’s kinda easy to kill her. 

• Admittedly, I’m not 100% sure how I feel about the support system. In some ways, I think it’s better that not everybody has that forced S-Support. Oftentimes we were either squeezing a love confession out of two characters who were unlikely to have one, or characters with decent potential might get snubbed because their connection was less apparent to the writers (and unfortunately that still does happen in the case of same sex S-supports in 3H). Having the conversations only go to a certain point is helpful, but at the same time, the inherent romantic undertones of several of the A-supports do make things feel strange. If it weren’t for the fact that I know characters can have only one partner as their paired ending, I would think lots of them were in a polycule. Nothing wrong with that as long as everyone’s comfortable, but because I know they can only have one person in their ending, I find it pretty jarring.

• I think it was interesting that they went to do the fights for breaking into Enbarr and then taking down Edelgard back-to-back. I’m glad they did, honestly, because while I don’t usually like to do two fights next to each other unless I’m grinding, it doesn’t mess with the suspension of disbelief. It would be stupid to break into Enbarr and then just run right back to the Monastery.

• I have still not completed the randomized quest from just after the timeskip. You know, the one I was yelling about with the weeds? Still haven’t gotten any weeds. I think I might just have to give up on it. It’s hilarious that my luck is so good that it’s actually bad.

• The fact that Byleth is praised for having more of a personality than Corrin is the biggest slice of bullshit I have heard from this fanbase in a long time. Byleth is literally designed to be a silent protagonist with nothing going on with them – they even came up with a story reason for why Byleth is such a blank sack of meat! In the kindest way possible, I don’t think most people realize that they are implementing whatever personality they want onto Byleth. Personally, I don’t find anything relatable about being stoic, calm, and not inclined to anyone (until plot happens, of course). I’ve always been the overly enthusiastic and caring type, with a tendency towards nervousness. Trying to relate to Byleth was like trying to relate to the experiences of a cactus. While I definitely don’t think Corrin is the strongest of the modern FE avatars – that award goes to Robin – they still had some things I could understand and relate to. If you’re not the type of person who loves the cool, “I fight for my friends” types like Ike, though, you’re likely to have a hard time relating to Byleth. If you can manage that type of character, then you’re more likely to have present them with a personality of their own.

• Actually, while we’re on the topic of Byleth getting praised for things Corrin got dragged for, the fact that Corrin is still cited as the character who receives the most “player pandering” is ridiculous too. Do a lot of characters like Corrin? Yeah! But most of them who do are deeply traumatized in a way that inclines them specifically towards Corrin. The Nohr siblings cling to each other due to their abusive childhood, the Hoshido siblings all in some capacity seem to suffer from abandonment issues (oldest) and/or attachment issues (youngest), and the official foursome of retainers have also had some sort of abandonment struggle in their past (forced separation from parents, murdered loved ones). While the cast of Three Houses needs therapy and is traumatized too, there is no reason why the inclination moves towards Byleth. Bernadetta feels safe around them just because. Edelgard is obsessed with them just because. Marianne learns to feel better about herself just because. Why are there so many exceptions for Byleth, and so many just without explanation? I don’t hate Byleth by any means, but these two things make my opinion of them lower than it would be otherwise. It kinda sucks that my image of Byleth is tainted by the fanbase’s hypocrisy, but I know I can’t have everything.

• The gameplay overall for 3H has been pretty fun! I love the addition of the Demonic Beasts, as annoying as they are to fight. There’s a charm to having some of your stronger units working to take on the soldiers blocking the path, meanwhile your army’s more intermediate strikeforce works to keep them safe by bringing down the beast. Once you get the hang of it, gameplay with the new additions is fun. The only thing I don’t use is Divine Pulse, but that’s because I’m on Casual and usually when I want to rewind, I want to just plain start over. So I use the old “turn off and start again” trick.

• Edelgard’s death scene was actually pretty good. I must confess that I went out of my way to avoid Edelgard in the academy phase, as I knew how hard the game was going to hit me with the “she’s obessed with you” thing and I wanted to see how wonky it would feel if I didn’t speak to her much. I was right that it’s incredibly awkward in terms of writing when you haven’t spent the time with her, but surprisingly, her death scene still holds up. Good voice acting, animation, and music. My only beef with it is something they have done in FE before, and it’s something I wish they’d stop. If a character is dying, you either let them have a few last breaths after their last lines or you kill them mid-sentence. It’s probably just a personal nitpick, but hearing them get their last word out without struggle and then immediately die just makes me aware of how badly the directors wanted the whole line to be in there. I can totally understand it but I find it so troublesome in the grand scheme of things that I just can’t.

• I also like that in the fight against Edelgard, they tried to make it ambiguous who had the key. Immediately as it told me that, I decided it was Petra and ended up being right. I was kind of sad to kill her though, to be honest. I don’t know her well, but she’s probably one of the Eagles I like more.

• The fight against the Death Knight at Fort Merceus ended up being surprisingly pretty easy. In fact, while I paved the way for most of my army, Nader ended up making it to the Death Knight just as Claude did. He did most of the damage – I’m not kidding, the Death Knight was down to 1 HP – and then Claude took care of the rest. It was a weird fight. They said impregnable a lot leading up to it.

• I understand why they kill Dimitri off-screen at the Gronder Field fight, but I was admittedly a bit disappointed. Again, Salli Saffoti does a good job doing Hilda’s voice for it, but I would have liked to see it animated. It was also nice to have that little rapport with Dedue! If only we could have allied with the Lions a bit more. Everyone always says Claude and Edelgard have similar goals; however, it’s their methods that differ. Claude seems to align himself a bit closer to Dimitri, so I’m usually a bit confused by the idea that Edelgard and Claude would work together. I was spoiled on enough to know her background and story, and even so, I think that her methodology is just a bit too violent for his tastes. But that’s just my two cents.

 Alright. I think that’s about all I can drain out of my brain from the top of my head. With that, I am off to kill the slithers! We’ll see how this goes. Wish me luck!

[painted-crow]

Snake vs Bird secondary?

This is a submission, so it's formatted a little differently. My line notes will look like this. Let me know if this is hard to read for anyone. -Paint

Just to get it out of the way, I'm a snake primary.

Secondaries:

The ones I'm not:

-I think badger secondary skillset is kind of cool, but rather than something that comes naturally it's something I'll occasionally make the conscious decisions to use, and the *value* set that goes with it is not me at all (use all the shortcuts! Minimize hard work as much as possible! Flit from project to project!)

Yep, not you. Cool beans. Might be a performance since you do turn it on? Up to you whether you care about that.

- occasionally, when trapped with no way out, I'll do a lion style "charge in". It feels like the desperate act of a feral animal, not my natural preferred style. Can't manage to make anything else work, charge in, worse thing that happens is we all die. Also re lion I do occasionally consciously fake it, like, I used to have a reputation as the blunt one who couldn't lie and despite being perfectly fine with lying I'd lean into it, having people think you don't lie is handy. I used to be the person appointed by unspoken group consensus to say the things that needed to be said but weren't socially acceptable, that kind of thing. But I'm not a lion primary (I honestly tend to feel slightly queasy reading lion descriptions, although I do have lions I admire)

Oh gosh, this bit is so Snakey. It's SO SNAKEY. Lol

(On the second pass, it almost seems like you're seeing others' opinions of you as a resource you can use...)

So now... Snake vs Bird secondary:

* I can't tell what the system is even talking about when it talks about collecting information because its useful or not. No, I don't waste my time on totally useless trivia.

It's less that you'd seek out random trivia, and more that some of your interests are maybe not super practical.

I was really into natural planted aquariums for a few years, and I thought they were really cool as an exercise in botany, chemistry, biology, aesthetics, and building a tiny ecosystem.

Is this knowledge ever going to be useful? Well, no, definitely not maybe some of the stuff I learned about what plants look like with various nutritional deficiencies...

Some Birds will focus entirely on their more impractical interests, others won't have any and their skills will all seem kind of utilitarian--but they will have picked them up out of interest, even if they really value their utility. I know a lot about computers and programming, and I picked that up partly because it's so useful, but I couldn't have gotten as far with it as I have if it didn't interest me.

On the other hand, I learn languages for fun, even if I don't have anyone around to use them on. Languages are just inherently useful. And I'm a writer, so like, pretty much everything is useful eventually, right?

I'm a writer too so I know what you're talking about, and this is a more solid justification than the example I gave above, but uh... this is a real good blanket rationalization xD

I read as much history as I can because it all goes into a big subconscious churn to make me have a better understanding of human nature.

This is very Birdy. I do something similar, but it's more psychology focused.

Does knowing why I pursue knowledge make it a model?

Nah. Knowing why they value something would just make a Bird value it more. Also, we're really likely to analyze why we like stuff, because analysis is kind of our jam.

If so, that's so deeply strange to me I guess I'm not a bird?

Right now I'm thinking you're a Snake with a strong Bird model. You seem reluctant to identify with it, whereas the Snakey traits you talked about in your "I'm not a Lion" section, you described with a kind of trickstery playfulness and I think you see them as more "you." With Bird you're almost defensive, like you're trying to assure me you're not boring and stuffy xD

But your Bird model seems strong. I think you'd be able to rely on it if your Snake ever Burned. That's a good thing.

* I never know what to answer on the "going in with plans" question of the quiz. I always have a few plans in advance, and they always have several blank spots marked "adjust based on what's happening". I can't imagine not having plans, it gives me anxiety, I can't imagine being too rigid about the plans, it gives me anxiety.

Yep, this still vibes as Snake with strong Bird model.

* I like to research and prepare in advance as much as possible. I was researching college majors when I was 12. I read all the choosing your career books, spent summers interning, and interviewed people about their jobs so I could feel safe choosing. I spent three years reading books and listening to podcasts about parenting before having my first kid so I'd know what I was doing (similarly, I spent years before marriage reading marriage therapy books and relationship skill books).

Oh hell, just @ me next time. This is more full of Bird shit than the windshield of a car that's been parked under a tree for the last 3 years.

And then, after doing as much research as possible, there's ALWAYS the moment when you have to say "screw it" and jump in blind as a bat anyway. That's just life. It's completely impossible in the actual moment to follow a plan, the plan always disintegrates at first contact with the "enemy" (but the process of making the plan, backup plan, and additional backup plan is important.)

There's that Snake again. I really wish I could do this. It'd be super useful.

It's starting to sound like your Snake is supporting your Bird rather than the other way around, which is surprising me. I was expecting you to start convincing me you were a Snake around about now, but you're doubling down on the Bird.

* there's a distinct feeling of 'turning on' my hyperawareness of my surroundings and ability to respond. Like, let's say I drift through life *highly* distracted by what's going on in my head.

Moooood.

But if I'm at a job interview, or giving a speech, or having an important social interaction, there's this sort of clear quiet feeling where I'm just trying to sense the room and respond on instinct. It sure feels like this might be what snake descriptions are describing, but it's only on sometimes.

That's how models work, or how they can work. I can see why you're confused.

* honestly reading snake description feels vaguely "aspirational" rather than "yeah, that's me" because I simply don't have confidence that I'm THAT good at grabbing opportunities or responding to chances. In the moment I can fatally hesitate for the crucial two seconds...

Also a model thing. You value it over your actual secondary, which explains why you want to identify with it more. I do this with my Badger model sometimes.

Actually, thinking about it, I essentially feel split. I feel I am both. I feel like my brain can be in plan mode or response mode. It cannot do both simultaneously, I need both modes, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to figure out which is one is my "type" ie more essentially "me". Response mode is more "natural", ie instinctive, when in use. Planning mode comes more easily, feels more comfortable, but of course that's because the inherent nature of planning mode is to happen in the safe spots, you don't plan mid-interview because that's when you're in "danger" and need to "respond".

You're taking your Bird for granted. A lot of people find planning REALLY stressful, and actually feel more comfortable in the moment. Or they like the slight feeling of danger.

Our society holds Bird up as "this is what intelligence looks like" and tells us we should all be that way. (It does this with Badger a lot too.) The result is that people who are good at it don't realize that it's not universal--and they think that seeing it as something particular to them is arrogant.

Effectively, it becomes invisible. We take it for granted and identify it by its weird quirks rather than its actual structure, which we've been taught is something everyone should be able to use easily.

Improvisational secondaries are going to feel more instinctive, almost by definition.

I don't know, I'm beginning to feel like I fundamentally don't grok either one or both of these secondaries and hence am so confused..

I think you're using Snake to support your Bird more than the other way around. You're more comfortable with Bird, and it's most of what you've focused on in writing this. So, after reading all of this, I think you're a Bird with a loud Snake model.

But if that doesn't jam well with you, you could just say "I have two secondaries." Traditional? No. But go ahead. If you feel like that's the truest description of you, then it probably is. Labels describe, they don't define. If it changes later, that's okay too.

Thanks for your question!

[beatrice-otter]

This started out as a reblog of this excellent reblog chain about racism and antisemitism in both Star Trek canon and fandom, but as a white gentile fan I didn’t want to intrude or take over.  And I firmly believe that if you really love something, you should love it with open eyes, seeing its faults as well as its strengths.

The thing is, Star Trek is progressive ... but it’s a very white type of progressive resting-on-our-laurels type progressivism.  Sure, TOS was very progressive for a TV show of its day, but ... that ain’t saying much, and the writers and directors and showrunners were all white men and it shows.  So yes, it pushed boundaries by having Sulu and Uhura, and the first scripted interracial kiss, but that was the 60s.  TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT ... uh.  Still very heavily white and male.  Still progressive, but nowhere near as progressive comparatively as TOS, nowhere near as groundbreaking. I mean, I’m glad they listened to Avery Brooks about how his character should be designed and written!  When they made a show with a female captain, they should have at least done the same, and preferably had women in creative leadership roles (as DS9 should have had black people in creative leadership roles).  (I mean, all media should have diverse creative leadership for a lot of reasons, but when you have a character of color or a white woman as lead, it’s even more important that the creative team not be a bastion of white cisheteropatriarchy.)  DS9 was less racist and sexist than TNG or Voyager (but made up for it by being hella antisemitic, hello Ferengi) but the thing is, these are not exactly the Shining Beacons Of Progressiveness we white fans like to think of them as.  Were they better than a lot of shows out there?  Sure!  Did they grapple with a lot of issues most other shows didn’t?  Yup.  But again, that ain’t saying much.  (I haven’t watched Disco or Picard, so I can’t speak to those.)

As to fandom, just liking Star Trek doesn’t automatically make you somehow less racist.  There’s this undercurrent among white Trekkers that “Star Trek is progressive, I am progressive, therefore all participation in the fandom is inherently progressive, therefore I don’t have to worry about racial issues in either my fanworks or my interactions with other fans.”  It’s not that Trek fandom is the only fandom where white people want to assume that not actively hating black people is all you need to qualify as “not racist,” it’s that in Trek fandom we can use the perceived progressiveness of the show as additional armor against acknowledging the actual issues.

I’m white, but I remember how terribly the AOS fandom has treated both the character of Uhura (who DARED to break up the Kirk/Spock white male slash juggernaut) and fans of color.  The argument was that it was homophobic to put Spock in a relationship with a woman.  And that it was a betrayal of feminism for Uhura to have a romantic relationship.  (A black woman getting to have a fulfilling romantic relationship is a step forward, not a step back.  Nyota Uhura is not a white girl.) That whole discussion--which included fans of color getting attacked even in dedicated Spock/Uhura spaces, and ended up with the main Spock/Uhura LJ community doing a lot of educational pieces about racism and misogynoir and privilege and how not to be a dick--was back in 2009.  Over a decade ago.  And we are still having the same damned discussions and treating fans of color the same damned way.  It’s exhausting for me as a white person; I can’t imagine what it’s like for fans of color.  And the thing is, the reason we are still having the same. discussions. over. and. over. is that the majority of white fans do not learn.  We don’t.  We need to.

None of these issues are new.

Star Trek has usually been at least a tiny bit more progressive than the society around it.  That doesn’t mean that the show is perfect, and it definitely doesn’t mean the fandom is.  We can and should do better.  If we are truly committed to the ideals of Star Trek, that shining world of the future where prejudice of all kinds is greatly reduced and people usually choose to do the right thing and act with justice and compassion for all ... that should be reflected both in how we treat one another, and in what stories we choose to write.  And it isn’t.

Listening to fans of color and educating ourselves on anti-racism is a good first step, and then putting what we learn into action and working to treat fans of color better is a good second step, but there are a lot of other posts about those sorts of resources.  I’d like to talk about fannish output, what we create.

You know how people say “oh, well, the reason fandom focuses on white men is because they’re a higher percentage of screentime, therefore they’re the ones most likely to be interesting.”  Let’s look at DS9, shall we?  A show with a black man in the leading role.  As of June 30, there are 6725 fics tagged DS9 on AO3.  Benjamin Sisko (you know, the LEADING MAN), is tagged in only 961 of them.  If you look at how many fics each character is tagged in, he is the sixth person on the list.

But wait! you say, that doesn’t tell the complete story, because sometimes people only tag the pairings, not the individual characters, and therefore they don’t show up in the character tags!  So let’s look at that.  The top relationship is Bashir/Garak, with 2797 fics (almost HALF of all the stories in the fandom).  You know what the second most popular relationship is?  Platonic Bashir&Garak, with 372 fics!   You know what the #7 relationship in DS9 is?  Garak/Parmak.  Parmak is a character from a book series who never appeared in the TV show.   Sisko, the leading man of the show, doesn’t even APPEAR in the list of top ten relationships in the fandom!  Julian Bashir is there four times, Garak three.  (Jadzia/Worf is #6)

But wait! you say, the canonical pairings for Sisko were mostly recurring roles not main characters, and he didn’t really flirt with anyone he wasn’t canonically linked with, so maybe he does better when you go with only fics tagged “gen” i.e. not focused on romantic and/or sexual relationships.  (I mean, I think it’s a stretch because Janeway gets paired with Tom Paris a lot, and she doesn’t flirt with him in canon, and she rarely gets paired with Tuvok despite how often they touch hands which for a Vulcan is ... wow.  But for the sake of argument we’ll say that Sisko not flirting much with anyone besides his canon partners is the reason he’s not shipped much.) And sure, when you limit it to fics tagged “gen” he appears in the top ten list of characters!  In fourth place, with 396 out of 1876 fics.   (#1 is Bashir, with 822 fics.  #2 is Garak, with 652 fics.)

And, like, I get that Bashir and Garak are certainly very slashtastic, the actors were going for that flirty vibe in earlier seasons until they were ordered not to.  But it’s still ... pretty obvious that popularity of both shipping and gen fics is heavily influenced by racism and colorism.

I’m not trying to police fandoms or shipping or anything like that.  I’m just saying that “but this is who resonates with me/this is who I like/this is who inspires me” doesn’t absolve us from looking at the reasons why some characters are more interesting to us than others.  (It’s racism.  We’ve all lived our entire lives in a world shaped by racism and colorism, and it’s shaped our gut reactions and our preferences even when we consciously believe racism is wrong.)

And you know what?  You can influence your feelings.  You can train your gut to be less racist.  When you watch a show, pay conscious attention to the black characters.  Take a few minutes after watching an episode to think up a piece of meta or a plot bunny or something for each character of color who appears in that episode.  If you do this consistently over a period of time you will train your brain and your gut to be more interested in characters of color.  Also, when you’re deciding what to write, actively choose to favor plot bunnies featuring characters of color.  It’s not that you shouldn’t write white/lightskinned characters and ships, but that we should all be making a conscious effort to up the percentage of characters of color we write about.  (And also, you know, do at least the bare minimum of work to not write racist or antisemitic tropes. @writingwithcolor​ has many useful resources.)  That’s not the only anti-racism work we need to do to make fandom less racist, not by a long shot.  But it is important work nonetheless.

And, above all, don’t be a dick to fans of color who point out what SHOULD BE obvious to everyone.

[the-dc-killjoy]

3x13/14 - The One Where They're Stuck in TV Shows

Whoo, this episode was an adventure! -I'm honestly surprised by *how much* I missed Mona. Maybe it's because of the whole 'distance makes the heart grow fonder thing', but I was loving her (and Gary) in this ep, and I'd miss her presense if this season is her last. -The intro was like a punch to the gut but in a badass way, and it vaguely reminded me of the Legion of Doom ep in s2... -He's baaaaaack!!! I missed Behrad so damn much! -Of course, the first thing Zari 1.0 did (after hugging her newly not dead brother) was grab a plaid shirt. Iconic! -Cleanshaven!Constantine and less traumatized/non-terrifying!Astra was a trip. Olivia's accent was cool as hell (no pun intended), and it was awesome to see Astra's mum. John and Astra's relationship was one of my favorite parts of an episode full of heartwearming/amazing moments. -Avalance as Spirk. That's some galaxy brain shit right here. I LOVE it! The booty shorts were just the kind of bullshit I didn't know I needed. - Repress. Repress! It's like Let It Go from Frozen if that reeked of unhealthy coping mechanisms and deep-seated issues. I love it! - Two Zari's!!! It's the best of both timelines. I'm gonna firmly ignore the fact that the season probably won't end with Zari 1.0, Zari 2.0, *and* Behrad all alive and happy... -Kinda glad that they showed Mick caring about Lita. It was a bit weird that he didn't even mention her in his 'perfect life'in the last episode, but the way everyone's dream life influenced this one was wonderful. -I LOVED LoT's versions of Friends, Downton Abbey, and Star Trek (which was ironically what I was watching just before LoT). Combined with the reappearance of Mr. Parker's Cul-de-sac, Supernatural references earlier this year, and the near-constant shots at Arrow, LoT's really leaning into fandon references and I'm here for it. -The pun game was strong this ep. Star Trip, Gromulans and Wrath of Dhan had me burst out laughing! Onto the slightly less great part: Charlie's storyline. They're sorta going down a villainous road, and I am not prepared! We ended the last episode with Charlie as the last standing Legend (or 'one of the last standing legends' if John's mostly dead status prevented him from getting bitten) as they stood before Lachesis and Atropos. Charlie stopped running from their sisters because it was neccessary to save the Legends. To do so, Charlie made a deal: keep the legends alive in exchange for the free will of all of humanity. The result was pretty similar to what happened in Doomworld. The Legends were kept alive but they were stripped of their own free will and were used to further the very plans they opposed. Back in season 2, Sara said that she'd rather live a nightmare that's real over a dream that's a lie. Zari and the rest of the Legends spent this episode dealing with that choice in an Invasion!-esqe plotline. They all came to the realization that playing a part in stripping away free will is inherently wrong, and I'm not sure they'll be too pleased with Charlie's decision when the time comes for them to meet face-to-face. I really hope the Legends find a way to reach Charlie (or, better yet, they were playing their sisters the entire damn time and have some kind of masterplan), and the writers don't turn them into the villian. While my undying love for Charlie is the fuel, that fire was lit by this season's character development. Sara helped Charlie realize that they were not a monster solely because of their sister and that family is something that you choose, and I took last episode's ending to be "Charlie works through their fear and stands up to their sisters". Those were some of my favorite moments in this entire season, and the Legends' found family/you can become a better person vibe means a lot to me. - Comedy: 10/10 Heart: 8/10 Plot: 7/10 All in all, this episode (and I Am Legends) felt like Doomworld 2.0. I'm not sure how I feel about the writers very obviously recycling the storyline, but they knocked it out of the park! It felt smooth and contained a lot of character development in ways that Doomworld and Invasion didn't. This episode is definitely one of my all-time favorites, and (even though I've been watching since 2016) I'm glad that it was my first live ep.