#you guys don’t know how much chapter 7 has been haunting me

[coolbattlegirl]

Malleus is observing everyone’s dreams, right?

So… I might be wrong about this, but if he does see everything that’s going on, then that would mean that he most likely saw the whole, “Silver is the son of the person who killed my mother” thing.

But when he finally does manage to invade the dream, the only people that’s he furious at is the senate and his grandmother.

Of course, there is a possibility that Malleus couldn’t see what was going on since he didn’t exist in that dream yet.

But I like to think that if he saw the moment, he didn’t care about that (since it’s hard to miss something you never had) because Silver would always be his brother, no matter who his parents were 🥲

[no-thoughts-only-soup]

To Secure / Risk It All

Chapter 8

Aka Curt has another panic attack.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

———————————————

It was impossible. It had to be some sort of cruel prank. Because there was no way Chilly Panda was alive.

He wanted to believe she was. That despite all that happened, all evidence saying otherwise, that she had somehow escaped their clutches. Maybe she had somehow called upon her raptors. Maybe she had lived through it, and they hadn’t noticed. Maybe-

“Yeeeaaaaaaas!”

A chorus of cheers erupted throughout the room.

“We’re six now ya’ll!” Den cheered loudly, patting the monitor.

“There is SIX of us and 5 dozen of THEM.” Christian laughed.

Ivan rolled his eyes, though he couldn’t keep a straight face. “Damn, you couldn’t even stay dead?”

- Bitch. -

- 凸(⊙▂⊙✖ ) -

“They couldn’t even kill off Chilly.” Kristine pointed out with a giggle.

“Yeah why the hell did we go through all of that if you’re not even dead?” Christian joked, leaning in closer and tapping on the screen.

Ivan floated next up to him. “Bruh does that mean I died for fucking nothing?”

“Don’t forget Curt having an actual panic attack.” Den pointed over her shoulder at Curt.

At any other time, he would have joined in. Joined in with the laughter. Joined in with the jokes. But it felt like all energy had been sapped away from him, leaving him with just enough to keep standing.

She’s alright. They were still laughing and joking. She isn’t dead. They felt so far away. You didn’t fail her. Everything still felt so heavy.

Den shoved Christian aside. For whatever reason, the action snapped him out of his thoughts. Gathering whatever he still had left, he stepped closer. Kristine took a step aside to let him get closer, and he caught a glimpse of her face.

A smile on her face, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Was it a pang of guilt? Of remorse for ever helping the Foundation? Was it longing? For being more than a replacement for a lost friend? Was it a feeling of being an outsider? For not being able to understand some of the inside jokes? Or was it a mix of many things?

Curt didn’t know and he chided himself for trying to pry. Those weren’t his feelings to figure out.

“But where are you Chilly? From where are you typing this?”

“Yeah, how the hell do we get out?” Ivan asked.

That was a bit of silence. And finally typing.

- actually… -

Curt felt immense dread in his stomach.

- I’m really dead -

The air around them felt cold. Oppressive.

“Wh-“ Ivan began, but Chilly was already typing again.

- they ran a bunch of tests on me. dunno why and I don’t remember what exactly killed me, but I died. been haunting the facility since -

Curt swallow some spit into his dry throat. “Y-you… they tested you because you’re an SCP like us. To see if you could survive i-if you’re not in a scenario…”

- well clearly not :P -

He couldn’t laugh. He knew she was trying to lighten up the atmosphere, but he couldn’t bring himself to laugh.

He wasn’t alone in that. The closest was a slight, clearly forced smile on some of them.

“So,” Ivan interrupted the silence “are you a ghost like me now?”

- nah it’s different -

- it’s like -

Stop. Backspace.

- well -

Backspace.

- I’m kinda like a more cliché ghost? I can’t talk to u guys outside of this computer, I’m pretty much invisible, I dunno -

Heavy. It felt heavy. The air felt heavy.

A hand grabbed his wrist, grabbing Curt’s attention. He glanced over. Den still had her eyes on the screen, but the hand she had wrapped around his wrist said all that needed to be said. He choose not to address it, letting her keep him grounded.

It allowed him to focus. “Wait, maybe we can fix this. If you join us, maybe you’ll go back to life after we close the scenario.”

“Could work.” Ivan noted. “But we need her body too, right?”

“Chilly, you know what happened to your body?” Den asked her.

Pause.

- not really. I was drugged the fuck up for the whole thing -

No. He refused.

“Kristine,” he turned to her, “do you have any idea where it could be?”

She shifted around a bit, eyes looking in his direction but not really meeting his eyes. “No, I wasn’t allowed near the research stations…”

- curt, arent YOU the b-class? shouldn’t YOU know? -

“Do you think I would ask if I knew!?” He snapped at her, then leaned forward to type at another computer. “Come on, there’s gotta be a way to figure it out…”

The screens flicked from camera to camera, each adding to the growing pit of dread in Curt’s stomach. Every camera he checked, there were armed guards. There had to be something. Anything. They wouldn’t—

“Curt,” Den’s voice called out to him “they probably got rid of her body. I don’t wanna be a downer but—“

“They wouldn’t.” He cut her off. “Her body would be too valuable for that. T-They’d research it…”

“But that’s against the safety rules!” Kristine argued.

“Well clearly Snee doesn’t care about any damn rules!”

Come on, come on! It couldn’t be gone, it should still be there somewhere! He could still fix this, he could-

Christian grabbed his arm. “Dude, stop for a sec.”

Curt pulled his arm back.

“Oi, don’t fucking ignore me.” Christian said, grabbing Curt’s shoulder and forcefully turning him away from the computer. “Listen to me. I know you want to help Chilly, we all do! But we can’t help anyone if we get recaptured. We have to get the hell out!”

“AND LEAVE HER BEHIND!?” Curt roared at him.

Christian flinched from the sudden loud yell, and Curt took the chance to pull his arm away from his grasp. He glared at all of them.

“If we don’t get her out now we may never get that chance again! What the hell is wrong with you guys, am I the only one who fucking cares about her!?”

“Do you?” Christian snapped at him. “Or are you just trying to fix your ‘mistakes’ so you can stop feeling guilty?”

The silence was deafening. A knife wouldn’t be enough to cut through the tension. Everyone’s eyes were on Curt.

He wanted to reply. Make some snapping remark that of course he was doing this for Chilly. That of course he wasn’t doing this for some stupid sense of guilt. For making up to the fact it was his—

But the nasty part within him muted him before he could speak.

He has a point, doesn’t he?

So instead, he turned back to the computer. “…Both. And does it matter, the end result is still the sa—YEOUCH!”

An electric shock went through his hand, not strong enough to numb his arm, but still enough to sting. He shook out his hand. And then he saw Chilly typing.

- curt, leave it. it’s ok -

“Wha- No, its not ok!”

- no really. because, actually… -

There was a long pause.

- I’ve been thinking of taking a break from the group anyways -

He couldn’t breathe.

“Chilly…” Den whispered softly.

- it’s not because of you guys! I dunno how to best explain it, but it’s like, wanting to rediscover myself??? do some soulsearching??? trying to fuck around on my own and seeing what happens? if that makes sense??? -

Ivan raised an eyebrow. “You sure it’s not because of all the bullying?”

The computer vibrated with laughter.

- LMAOOOOO U COULDNT BULLY ME OUT IF YUO TRIED ಥ‿ಥ -

Den grinned and tried to nudge Ivan’s ghostly form. “We’d bully you out first.”

- absolutely (๑´• .̫ •ू`๑) -

- but fr don’t worry about me. ( ͒꒪̛ཅ꒪̛ ͒) if anything I can now go literally fucking anywhere I want and if I wanna be alive again we’ll just infiltrate this bitch -(๑☆‿ ☆#)ᕗ -

Den’s eyes sparkled. “Dude you can haunt a Starbucks.”

- KSNDBKSBSVKSJDBS SCRATCH ALL PLANS IM DOING THAT ⊹⋛⋋( ՞ਊ ՞)⋌⋚⊹ -

As Den, Ivan and Chilly laughed and teased, Curt felt like he was slipping. Everything felt like it was fading away. Their voices felt like they were melting together. The room felt like it was tilting.

No, no, no, he couldn’t fall into another attack now! They were on borrow time, at any moment the guards could barge in and—

But he was losing control. He was losing control. He was losing control. Losing control. Losing control. Control. Control. Control control control control control control control “Hey.” control control control control control control control control control control control control “hey!”

Christian moved into his vision. “Do you need to sit down for a moment?”

Curt stopped, his breath still uneven. His eyes flickered towards the others. They were still talking, but he caught the occasional glances they snuck at him. He stumbled back a little, getting some distance from the situation.

Almost without a single sound, Christian joined him, gently helping him breathe through it. Bit by bit, he pushed down the fear and panic once more.

He was definitely gonna throw up once they got out. If.

No. He steadied himself. We are going to get out. We will get out… or die trying.

And with a last deep breath, he locked eyes with Christian. The question went unspoken, but so did the answer. He stepped forward, interrupting the conversation between the others.

“It won’t be long before Snee finds us. We need a plan, stat.”

Ivan bit his lip. “We can’t get out through any of the exits. Maybe we could try a window.”

“We’d first need to get out of the panic room though.” Den pointed out. “Chilly, are there any guards heading in our direction?”

The computer was still for a moment.

- yeah, there’s a few getting close. doubt y’all are getting out without a fight -

Den crackled her knuckles upon hearing that, but Curt cut her off. “There is no way we can barge through so many. It’s too dangerous.”

“Do we have a choice though?” Ivan questioned.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Kristine suddenly shouted, raising her hand in the air like a desperate student. “If we can pretty much create whatever we want, why don’t we just make a teleporter?”

There was a silence of more than 10 seconds as everyone gaped at her.

Curt sunk to his knees, covering his face with his hands. “OH MY GOOOOOOOD!”

Everyone around him descended into hysterical laughter, Den and Christian even throwing in a “looooser!”, and even Chilly displaying a large L on the screen.

“WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT WHYYYYYYYYYY!”

“Ok, ok, I am holding this one against you dude.” Christian laughed.

Curt sighed deeply. “I am so fucking done y’all.

The laughter finally faded enough for Curt to stand up, sigh, and look at Kristine.

“Alright Kristine, how do you wanna do this?”

She thought, but only for a split second. “Can our teleporter be a 2004 Toyota Accord Sedan?”

It immediately prompted another round of giggles and chuckled, and even Curt felt the corners of his mouth move. “Sure, sure. Everyone, stand back a bit.”

Once everyone had made room, Curt spoke: “Alright, so Kristine summons her trusty teleporting 2004 Toyota Sedan…”

The car popped into existence, pushing all of them back even further.

“Shotgun!” Den immediately yelled, followed by Christian pouting over it. Kristine cheered and made her way over to the driver’s seat.

Curt was about to join, but then paused. No. He had to say it. He turned to Chilly instead.

“Chilly,” he began, his heart feeling as heavy as lead “I know I’m not directly responsible for what happened to you. But maybe if I had stepped up sooner, figured it out sooner, then maybe we could have escaped before your death. I’m…” his voice cracked “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t prevent this.”

There was a break in the storm of laughter. All eyes were focused on him and Chilly. Waiting for what she’d say.

And she finally typed.

- BITCH DO YOU NOT THINK I WOULDNT FUCKING HAUNT YOUR ASS IF I BLAMED YOU EVEN A LITTLE???? -

“Wh-“

- CURT FFS HOW LONG HAVE WE KNOWN EACH OTHER??? HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN BULLYING EACH OTHER??? DO U SERIOUSLY NOT THINK I WOULDNT TAKE THIS EXCUSE???? -

“I…I…” he stuttered.

- curt, I don’t blame u for shit so stop being such a sad sack about it -

She didn’t blame him. She wasn’t mad. She could’ve been. She should have been.

But she wasn’t.

- not even I’m blaming you so stop blaming urself already dumbass -

“Chilly…”

He took a deep breath… and smiled. “Thank you.”

Curt suddenly felt something warm against his chest, wrapping itself around him. And even though he knew how stupid he’d look, he hugged back.

It was gone before he knew it, but Christian next to him shifted, grinning ear to ear as held up one crooked arm, akin to how he would sling his arm around his neck. “Girl I better hear on the news how you haunted the White House.”

“You gotta get on an episode of Ghost Hunters.” Den laughed, and then grinned as Chilly’s spirit hugged her next.

When she moved on to Ivan, Curt could finally get a glimpse of her.

She was happy.

Ivan ruffled her head, or at least that’s what he intended, complaining how he was gonna get the full buttmonkey treatment. “Now I don’t got you to divert some of it, they’re all gonna focus on me now.”

And finally, Kristine held up her hand, only a little awkwardly. From the way she beamed, Chilly gave her the high five.

“I’ll bully them in your place.” She proudly vowed.

There was a quick moment of warmth again as she quickly phased through all of them…

And she was gone.

Curt exhaled slowly. And jumped as a loud BANG sounded from the door.

“Ok we gotta get the fuck outta here.”

“Kristine take the wheel!” Den yelled as she jumped into the passenger’s seat, Christian still complaining as he got into the back.

Kristine got into the driver’s seat with a laugh, and Curt went to sit right behind her. Ivan of course couldn’t actually enter the car, but he hang onto the roof anyways.

The door broke down just as Kristine started the car. Curt flipped them off. And a second later, the car and all those inside vanished from the room, and from the facility.

——————————————————-

I was gonna end the chapter somewhere else originally, but I’ve tortured you guys with my absences enough.

Wil edit properly once I got time.

[ladykailitha]

Little Runaway Part 7

Oh my god you guys, seriously you all are amazing. I am really loving the reactions to this story. There is just one more part to go and it’s a sweet little epilogue. This is the showdown. The moment you’ve all been waiting for.

Also if you asked to be tagged after the limit of twenty, I’m sorry. I have the limit for a reason. I’m not doing it because I’m being elitist or whatever, my poor little ADHD brain starts getting frustrated and wanting to cry just doing the 20 I’ve got, but I do it because it makes me happy people want to be informed the next time a part goes up. I don’t know how people with dozens do it.

Plus tagging adds more time putting up the parts. Something that would take five minutes on AO3 (because they keep track of all the chapters for you) could take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on how many parts there are, and how many have been put up (I go and crosslink on EVERY part to make sure if a part in the middle gets found in the wild all by its lonesome the person can read the previous and subsequent parts). Add tagging to that and you can see the time starts to really add up. 

Again thank you for all the love and support this little story has gotten. The last part will be up tonight after I eat dinner and then (cold permitting) I’ll put up the first part of Ser Stephan of Harring’s Town before I go to bed.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

*

Eddie walked into the police station and right up to Hopper’s desk. He leaned on it with both hands and stared directly into Hopper’s eyes.

“I need you to arrest me,” he bit out. “Now.”

“What the hell?” Hopper asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Mr Harrington knows I know where Steve is,” he breathed. “I can’t let him get to me to get to Steve. If you need a reason, I have two baggies of weed in my jacket pocket. Please. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

Hopper gulped. “Well there is a rumor you kidnapped him, so...”

Eddie nodded and held out his hands together at the wrist. “Save him, please.”

*

Steve was sitting on the sofa reading when Wayne came home from work.

“Where’s Eddie?” he asked on his way to the fridge.

Steve shrugged. “He just said he had errands to run.”

Wayne came back with two beers and handed one to Steve. Steve swung his feet off the sofa to let Wayne sit down. Steve set the book down and popped the lid off his bottle and then did the same for Wayne’s when the older man raised an eyebrow.

“Neat trick,” Wayne said, taking a swig.

Steve shrugged. “Turns out years of baseball, basketball, and swimming make you a strong person. I don’t do those things anymore, but I keep working out to keep that strength up.”

“That how you were able to break Clint’s nose?” Wayne asked.

“Yeah,” Steve murmured. “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know how much to hold back when punching, because when I hit most of the time there is no holding back.”

“What have you got to be hitting that needs to be hit that hard, boy?” he asked.

Steve’s shoulders slumped. “I can’t tell you. I can get into a lot of trouble if I tell people. The only ones that know are the ones that have seen it for themselves. But I have seen things that have made grown men shit their pants. I have been hunted by things that would haunt the nightmares of the hardest of souls. I have been actually tortured and drugged. And yet face to face with my own father and I chickened out like a bitch.”

Wayne stared at the boy that should have had the dream life. Rich parents, everything he could have asked for. But instead nothing but heartache and loss for this kid. Because despite Steve almost being twenty, he was still a kid.

He put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and was about to say something when the phone rang. He frowned and got up to answer it.

As he said hello, a curly haired teenager in a trucker hat came barreling through his front door.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled. “Someone at Hellfire snitched and your dad is on his way here.”

Steve worked to calm Dustin while Wayne listened to the other person on the other end of the line, making the appropriate noises. Then he hung up.

“You must be Dustin,” Wayne said coming back over to the sofa.

Dustin looked over at Wayne as if he was seeing him for the first time. “Oh. Yeah. Um...sorry. For barging in like that, but I really needed to see Steve.”

Wayne chuckled. “Don’t worry, your friend here is going to be just fine.” He cocked his head to the side. “How did you get here so fast? I just barely got the call myself what was going down.”

“My mom drove me,” Dustin said, staring at the floor.

“Claudia is here?” Wayne asked. Dustin nodded. “Good. The more the merrier.” He turned to Steve. “Under the sink, behind the Draino is your bag. It’ll be up to you to decide what you want to do with it.”

Steve nodded.

Wayne walked outside.

There standing in a semi-circle was Claudia Henderson, Joyce Byers, and Sheriff Jim Hopper. Standing off to the side, was Eddie who was hugging his ribs. Wayne joined the semi-circle just as Clint Harrington pulled up to the trailer park and got out of his car.

“Sheriff!” Clint yelled. “I want that man arrested for kidnapping my son!” He pointed angrily at Eddie, who looked down.

“I don’t know about that,” Wayne said. “Hey, Steve! You being held against your will?”

Dustin and Steve came out of the trailer slowly, the backpack slung over one shoulder.

“No, sir,” Steve said, looking his father in the eye. “I am not.”

“Liar!” Clint bellowed. “Don’t you be believing a word out of his mouth. He’s been brainwashed.”

“No I haven’t,” Steve said, feeling a little bit more bold knowing he had people who would protect him.

“You leave that boy alone,” Joyce said. “He’s gone through enough.”

Claudia crossed her arms. “Agreed.”

“You better get out of my way,” Clint growled.

Hopped pulled out a piece of paper and held it up. “This here is a warrant for your arrest for the assault of Steven Harrington.”

Clint laughed. “You can’t prove a god damn thing.”

“Actually we can,” Hopper continued. “Steve was smart enough to take pictures after your little tussle and the bruises will match up with your ring.”

Clint went to work it off his finger, but Wayne stepped up to stop him. “I think I’ll be taking that for the Sheriff if you don’t mind.”

Clint growled, but handed it over. He walked back over to Hopper who was holding a baggy for Wayne to drop it into. Hopper sealed the bag and stuck it in his pocket.

“What do you say, Steve?” Hopper called over his shoulder. “Should we lock up this bastard and throw away the key?”

Steve held out his hand to Eddie. Eddie looked at it, unsure and then came over to take it. Steve pressed his forehead to Eddie’s. “What do you think I should do?”

Eddie cupped Steve’s face with his free hand. “You know what to do. You’re a good person, Steve. Do what feels right.”

“You fag, get away from my son!” Clint shouted. He tried to push past the four adults, but they closed ranks and wouldn’t let him through.

Steve breathed in.

“You’ve got this, baby,” Eddie assured him.

Steve nodded. He stepped away from Eddie and tossed the backpack at his dad. “Everything you want is in there. Just take it and leave. Know this. If I or any of my friends see you in Hawkins ever again, the Sheriff will arrest you.”

Hopper grinned. “I like that plan.”

“I’ll cut you off!” Clint snarled. “You’ll be penniless and homeless without me, you ingrate!”

Steve laughed. “I could stay at any number of these fine people’s houses and be welcome for as long as I needed. And as for penniless? I’ve already got a job lined up that I think will make me very happy. And maybe if I’m lucky, a boy who loves me.” He turned to Eddie, who was blushing deep.

Wayne chuckled. “You heard the man, Clint. Get the hell out of Dodge and stay the fuck away from my boys.”

Clint growled and stalked off to his car, the tires peeling out on the gravel as he tore out of the trailer pack as if the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Steve shook his head. “Doesn’t he know that’s bad for his tires?”

Everyone turned to look at Steve in shock and amazement before bursting into laughter.

Claudia took Dustin home and Hopper took Joyce, leaving Steve with the Munsons.

“Is it over?” Eddie asked.

“I’d give Clint a couple days to clear out,” Wayne said. “But yeah. I think it’s over.”

“Does this mean I can stay?” Steve asked, looking up through his lashes.

Wayne rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I was thinking of upgrading to a double wide with two bedrooms. I think we could just about afford it if you help pay rent.”

Steve lit up and turned to Eddie. “You hear that? You’re stuck with me now.”

Eddie smiled and leaned in. “I think it’s the other way round. You’re stuck here with me.”

Steve smiled softly. “And I couldn’t be happier.”

Epilogue

Tag List: @tauntedperfume  @marivictal @eddiemunsonswife @namelessssho @dbquills @goodolefashionedloverboi @steve-the-hairrington @sadcanadianwinter @yearningagain @books-are-my-life-since-1996 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @homohomohoe @knightofthieves @flusteredcas @moonage-daydreaming @goblin-eddie @marvelousforlife @silversnaffles @satan-is-obsessed @yikes-a-bee

[jasontoddiefor]

Tyki Mikk is a Clone and I can (almost) prove it

Tyki Mikk is undoubtedly a fan favorite and yet we don’t really know a lot about him. For a character that was created with the purpose of being handsome (cf. D.Gray-Man Manga Volume 5, page 150), he carries a lot of baggage and has a rather unclear past. A theory that has haunted me since I read chapter 198 and has only grown in strength with the most recent arc is that Tyki is in fact a clone of Nea. As far fetched as this seems at start, there is quite a bit of evidence supporting this theory.

1) Tyki’s visible similarity to Nea (and Mana)

One of the first things Wisely remarks on when he meets Tyki is his similarity to “a certain man” (Chapter 187).

This similarity is picked up twice more in the manga. When Allen meets Nea for the first time (cf. chapter 198), he mistakes him for Tyki at first.

And it is brought up a third time by Nea himself in chapter 225 when he says:

To which Tyki, or rather Joyd, has this wonderful reaction:

But more on that guy specifically later. Point being right here is that three different characters, or four if you want to count Road and Wisely separately, acknowledge that Tyki resembles Nea a lot, down to the man himself. How does that saying go again? Once An Accident, Twice A Coincidence, Three Times A Pattern? This is something that repeatedly gets brought up again. And this is without going into detail on how much Tyki resembles not only Nea, but said man’s identical twin as well. Just look at that dashing long hair!

And take this from chapter 158 as well

Pretty long haired boy Mana is nothing new as of chapter 218 and 219:

Another interesting point here is that Tyki is the exact same height as the Earl in human form! They’re both 188cm tall. Nea, on the other hand, is listed at being 177cm. This could just be that Nea unfortunately ended up as the shorter twin, or, we take into consideration what Mana tells Allen/Red in chapter 238:

He remembers being seventeen, which means that he and Nea probably weren’t done growing yet when the “Earl” corrupted Mana. (It also kind of makes everything about Nea more hilarious if you realize he’s just seventeen.) Tyki, however, is 26 when we first meet him and should be around 27 now. He is an actual adult and not bound to hit another growth spurt.

But to summarize the first argument: Tyki looks uncannily similar to Nea and Mana and the manga keeps pointing it out so we can assume this resemblance is important.

2) Cloning is possible in canon

Now the second point is just here to point out that we know cloning to be possible. Funnily, Tyki’s resemblance to Nea gets pointed out just before the Alma Arc, which very much deals with the concept of reincarnation – only there we have the brains of deceased Exorcists transplanted into youthful bodies.

However, it’s not as if something like DNA hasn’t been mentioned before. Specifically, it has been called “Helix of life” by no other than maybe-former-Bookman but definitely First-Nea-host Past!Allen in chapter 221:

So let’s assume that, in the aftermath of Nea’s “death”, PastA didn’t just wait around for Nea to wake again, but tried to find a vessel for him. Messing around with this helix, and whatever other dubious science and magic this world had to offer, and created a new body to host Nea. Except he failed, and the result is Tyki.

But if that is so, shouldn’t Tyki remember anything about that? Good question. Time for some more shady weird stuff about Tyki.

3) The Missing Years

In chapter 202, while the Earl is resting, Tyki talks to Road. I don’t speak Japanese, so I can’t verify which translation is more accurate, but I’ve found these two:

Now the official German one also goes with a similar translation as the second one here, implying that Tyki has been with the Earl for ten years. In any case, the fact that this decade at all gets mentioned is quite odd because it doesn’t match up with what we know of Mana travelling with Allen. Cross calls Allen a “ten-year-old brat” (chapter 208) when he looks after him. So between Mana travelling with Allen and current canon, only 6 years have passed – what are up with the other 4 that are supposedly within this decade? We don’t have a definite age for how old Allen was when he met Mana, but I’d say around 7 or older. That’s still not enough to fill out the decade they speak about here.

Now, presuming that it does in fact refer to Tyki staying with the Earl for that time, we’re either left with assuming that the Earl acted as a separate entity as we see in 218, or that Tyki’s memories are just flat out wrong.

4) Tyki Mikk’s Canon-Typical Ignorance AKA The Baby of The Family

The more often Tyki appears, the more we see how much he actually doesn’t know about the going-ons of the war, or even himself. This goes back as far as the Ark Arc in chapter 130 with the Earl pointing out that:

So this form is apparently something that all Noah of Pleasure can take on, a sort of second stage of awakening. Still, it feels significant that Tyki separates his life so much into “black” and “white”, “Noah” and “human”, going as far as suppressing a part of his Noah. It puts him in direct opposition to Skinn, who was more or less entirely consumed by his Noah memories. Though, perhaps this is also just a narrative ploy because a character with the ability to chose is, frankly speaking, fuck off overpowered and the only reason why Tyki isn’t constantly leveling battlefields is probably that he just doesn’t know how to apply himself.

Regardless, Tyki’s ignorance also becomes visible in chapter 187 again when he wonders about his Noah name:

Nobody else reacts like he does, even though the other Noah haven’t been awake as long as he has and also should have retained the same memory damage as Joyd after Nea’s murder spree. Yet Tyki feels a little like the baby of the family, still learning and growing while everyone else is already in the know, which can’t be too far from the truth if we look at chapter 225:

Wisely and Road definitely know that something went down and kept it from Tyki for so long for reasons. So besides Allen learning the truth sometime in the future, Tyki is also heading towards some kind of realization – and honestly, what better than the fact that the man who enjoys his freedom and roam so much, was artificially created?

Road could have manipulated his subconsciousness, his memories. It’s a miracle really that the Earl hadn’t had a breakdown around Tyki already given how much he looks like Nea. And if Tyki really awoke as a Noa a decade ago, then eh would have been right the age Nea was when he died. The Earl should have reacted in one way or another.

Other small details that don’t add up is a) the claim that Tyki and Sheril are actual brothers. They have different last names, which would imply that they are perhaps rather half siblings, sharing one parent, or maybe they just aren’t related at all in the first place. The other thing is that Nea recognizing Tyki’s face immediately after confronting Mana about his changed appearance just adds even more suspicion.

5) TLDR

Tyki is either a clone or something else messy went down because there’s no way that there’s a natural Nea and Mana copy running around who also just so happens to be a Noah. No way.

Thanks for coming to my  TED talk I’m never writing meta again this was a nightmare to post.

[ggukkieland]

📕CURRENT READS (2020 October)

🌹 Fics I’ve enjoyed reading this October, with some few unread ones (still have 4 to 5 days to finish!). Waah I have read a lot 😲 I can’t believe I’m almost complete with this list 🥳. Usually when I post and organize the list, half of it are still on #toread status. I thought of curating Halloween-themed fics 🎃 but I ended up reading any genre anyway😁.

Again, credit goes to these awesome writers! Sending them lots of love and virtual hugs 🥰🤗💜🥰🤗💜🥰🤗 .

✅ -  done reading   | S (smut) F (fluff) A (angst) 

🥕[Ongoing Series - to check weekly] 

Still reading the ongoing series from last month’s reading list, whenever there is an update 😊

I Feel You in my Heart by @purpletaecup - MYG |  exes au, second chances, some chapters have smau elements | A, S, F (really good story development 😭)

[7/?] nearly 2 months after their divorce, yoongi and y/n wade through the aftermath of the fallout by themselves. yoongi is moving on with someone else while y/n finds herself stuck in waves of anxiety and depression. soon enough, they are brought together again by an unfortunate accident

If it Harms None, Do What You Will by purpletaecup - JJK | smau, comedy, supernatural au, fantasy au, witch!reader, demon!jungkook | F, S  🎃

[6/?] it’s the beginning of October and green witch y/n has been preparing for all of the spooky activities she needs to do for all hallow’s eve. one of her older friends gives her a ritual candle for protection. a couple of drops of blood and a wonky magic circle later, there is a high level demon sitting on the floor of her living room.

We Live with a Ghost by @smaubts - JJK | smau, comedy, ghost au, roommates au | F  🎃

[6/13] when jungkook convinces his roommate, y/n, that their house is haunted by an evil ghost, they decide their best option is to contact with it and make it leave but end up summoning an actual ghost by accident.

Swan Black by CharWrites [AO3] - JJK | fantasy, supernatural, enemies to lovers, dark fantasy, apocalypse, Fae!Jungkook, Fae!Yoongi, Fae!Taehyung,  LOTR/Mortal Instruments/Labyrinth vibes | A, S (I love this! It’s like watching LOTR 😍)  🎃

[10/?] So's twin brother, Jimin, has been kissed by darkness: an evil that has spread across the land and has claimed many souls. They only have weeks until the darkness consumes him. Once consumed, he will be governed by the unsullied: a powerful race of Dark Fae that has overtaken the world.

So seeks out a rogue Fae Prince, Kook, who is her only hope, if she can survive his deadly charms and irresistible lure especially when he is much more interested in possessing her, mind body and soul.

Third Wheeling by @taetaewonderland - MYG |  strangers to lovers au, ceo!yoongi | A, F, S 🥰

[1/?] Min Yoongi is a strict man. Time is money to the CEO of Kisung Connected. He isn’t interested in conventional things or wastes of time. He’s an asshole. But, you didn’t realize until it was too late. Until you met him at the club and it changed your life forever.  

Bad Friends by @hollyxqx- MYG | friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, neighbor au, college au, fwb au | A, S, F (what a good angst 😥)

[1/3] hooking up with your childhood best friend was never your plan, but neither was falling in love with him either. he’s troubled but his heart is gold. when you move away for college, things start to take a turn.

House of Lilies by @suqakoo​ - JJK | mafia au, arranged marriage au | A, F, S

[3/?] Jeon Jungkook is the only heir to Dal Gurimja. He is the poster child for mafia bosses. He’s a feared hit-man among the underground world, and a successful CEO among the socialites of Seoul. Pair him with a castaway girl who’s been out of society for twelve years, and… what do you get?

Your Eyes Tell  by @njkbangtan - JJK | soulmate au, enemies to lovers au, roommates au, sugar baby (but not really), slow burn | A, F

[5/?] You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?  

I hate u, I love u by @bbangpanmen - JJK | fwb au, friends to lovers au, smau | A

[17/23] he uses you to forget her; you let him because you love him.

Puzzle by @kimvvantae - JJK | fwb au, friends to lovers au, college au | A, S, F (I’ve read this before, around 2018-19 and I thought it was discontinued. Glad there’s an update ^_^)

[7/?] the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed  - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

The Lesson/Min Boy by @adventuresinwonderlust - MYG | bad boy!yoongi, dom-sub elements, enemies to lovers, brat!reader | S, A, F

[6/8] No summary provided but it’s the twisted story between bad boy Yoongi with angsty backstory and this brat/rich kid. I really liked how it was written though.  I made a mistake of reading part 4:  Two Months Too Long, which should’ve been the 6th story to read if you follow the author’s sequence. 

Popular-ish by @hansolmates - JJK | popular!jungkook, college au, fwb to lovers, shy!oc | F, S, A

[9/?] drabble series: you are way out of jungkook’s league. Or is it the other way around?

Date Me by @latetaektalk - JJK | enemies to lovers, fake dating au, rich kid au | A, F,

[prologue + 1/?] when obnoxiously rich and spoiled frat boy jeon jungkook comes up to you one day and asks you to fake date him for money, you definitely should have said no. because before you knew it, you were going on insta dates with him and having lunch with his equally obnoxiously rich and spoiled friends.

All Over You by @zibermuda - JJK | enemies to lovers, nerd!jk, fuckgirl!reader | S, F 

[2/?] you don’t usually go for the quiet, nerdy type, but Jungkook’s by far the best looking guy in your year. You just can’t help yourself. You have to have him. Small hiccup; he hates you

Effortlessly by @gyukult - JJK | friends to lovers, neighbors au, 

[8/?] “Reciprocate feelings?” Jungkook crosses his arms before he continues, “They should know that you’re the only girl in my life.“ Jungkook has been your best friend and neighbor since you could remember, but what you can’t recall is when your feelings began develop for him. 

HEI$T: A JJK Fic by lucidly [AO3] - JJK | heist au, action, bangtan are thieves, vigilante au | A, S

[3/?] Six years after being thrown into the world of forgery, espionage, and heists, Mona and her team face competition like never before: The Bulletproof Boy Scouts, a fabled Korean gang of thieves that everybody seems to know, but no one has seen. When she comes face to face with all 7 of them, Mona knows: they're real, and this job won't be like the others. For years she has followed the money, but could it be time that she follow her heart instead?

🥕[Completed AUs/Series-  to read]

✅  - done reading (also there seems to be a lot of JJK fics)

Creep @xjoonchildx - MYG | S, pwp, yandere ✅

Guilty @xjoonchildx - KNJ | A, S, mafia au, second part of Guarded AU (an awesome JHS series) 

Chapter One: How Odd  Chapter Two: Incheon Mall Tube Tops  Final Chapter: Is Something Burning?  Epilogue: Better Than Okay

Paddle with Me @yoongs-jeontae - JJK | A, S, enemies to lovers, camp counselor au, pwp   ✅

Hate Me @themfchase - JJK | S, collegel!au, enemies to lovers au, fuckboy!jk, pwp  ✅

Devil in a Blue Suit @yeojaa - JJK | F, S, idiots to lovers, established au, good boy!jungkook  

main story  ✅ + drabbles  ✅

Sweetest Crush @minjoonalist - JHS | F, S, brother’s best friend au 

Fake Love @aquaminwrites - JHS | F, S, A, fake dating au, enemies to lovers  ✅

Faded Love @jamaisjoons - PJM | A, S, marriage au, infidelity ✅

Brown-Eyed Baby @vinterjeon - JJK | A, S, F, exes to lovers, single dad!jk 

01 02  ✅

Why We Got Married @ktheist - KTH | F, S, arranged marriage au, slow burn ✅

Lonely Hearts Club @dovechim - JJK | S, F, enemies to lovers, wedding au  ✅

Come to Me @jeonsweetpea - JJK | S, A, F ,friends to lovers, college au  ✅

Satan on the Strip @noir0neko - JJK | S, A, demon!jungkook  ✅  🎃

No Face @seokoloqy - MYG | A, S, F, demon au, supernatural au  ✅  🎃

Take a Chance @crystaljins - JJK | A, Hanahaki au, co-workers, very angsty but Seokjin provides comic relief

01 02 03 04 05 06 07  ✅

The Lottery Offering @skswriting - JJK | A, F, S, werewolf au, sort-of arranged marriage au  ✅

A Beautiful Epiphany @onherwings - JJK | A, S, F, friends to lovers, unrequited love, artist!jungkook  ✅

Au Naturel (sequel) - drabble, established au  ✅

Broken Dreams @ddaenysus - JJK | A, soulmate au, unrequited  ✅

And Mended Hearts (sequel) - A, S, soulmate au, college au   ✅

Coin Toss @yoondoze - JJK | A, mafia au, detective au, exes au, plot twist 👀  ✅

I Knew It Was You @hoseokmylovesworld - JJK | S, F, werewolf au, college au  ✅ 🎃

Little Blue @pars-ley - JJK | F, S, friends to lovers, college au, with TW   ✅

Little Blue Pill @dreamescapeswriting  - JJK | S, pwp, friends to lovers ✅ 

Smitten @megahwn - JJK | F, S, arranged marriage au, strangers to lovers au   ✅

Hit Me with Your Best Shot @namfine - JJK | S, pwp, martial arts, friends to lovers  ✅

Slow and Steady @yoonia - JJK | S, A, artist!jungkook, infidelity, established au   ✅

Cockblocked @mercurygguk - JJK | A, S, F, friends to lovers, roommates au  ✅

 everything I ever wanted (drabble) - morning after  ✅

What are you Afraid Of? @cupofteaguk - JJK | F, avatar the last bender au 

Part 2 (prompt: if you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed) - avatar au, F, S

demon-etized @jungkxook - KNJ | S, youtube au, ghost hunter au  🎃

Spellbound @jeonseok - JJK |  F, slight S, demon au, crack, romcom  ✅ 🎃

Raising Demons (sequel) - fluffy, smut, established au, crack  ✅ 🎃

What’s in a Name? @minsimagines - JJK | A, F, demon au, soul selling scenario, romance  

01 02 03 ✅  🎃

The Big Yellow School Bus  [15k] fringesofsanity [AO3] - JJK | S, A, F, noona, fwb au  ✅

once bitten, twice shy [5.6k] obiwrites [AO3] - JJK | A, F, implied S, exes au, parents au   ✅

Lose Somebody [26k] @kooala - JJK | A, F, slight S, exes au, camping au  ✅

Oh What a World [100k] @taestybae - PJM | A, S, F, fake marriage au, fallen idol au (been wanting to read this since July (!), will finally get to reading this 🥰)

series masterlist [18 chapters + epilogue]

🥕[Drabbles]

okay I just realized they’re all JJK drabbles 😅

Incandesce @eunoiabliss - 544 words | JJK | fantasy au, fluff  ✅

Forgetful Confession  @suhdays - 991 words | JJK |  fluff, slight angst, college au, friends to ???  ✅

Club @taleasnewastime - 2k | JJK | fluff, bestfriends  ✅

JJK Reincarnation drabble @ktheist - 571 words | JJK | F, reincarnation (?) | love love this 🥰  ✅

Pup @whipped-for-kpop-fics​ - 1.5k | JJK | F, humour, werewolf au, established au | this is cute and funny 🤣  ✅

A Line Crossed @underthejoon - 723 words | JJK | A, bodyguard au ✅

Rousing Rendezvous @rookiegukie - 1.5k | JJK |  smut, frenemies with benefits, modern royalty au  ✅

[the-bau-quinjet]

You can’t be gone, no

Chapter 13 of In Breakable Heaven! I would like to apologize for how long this took! I was really buys with work this week, but I’ve got the next chapter almost done already so it shouldn’t take too long. 

Summary: A bit of aftermath of the show, plus the show from Spencer’s perspective.

Word Count: ~1900

 Spencer’s POV

“Hey Spence. I miss you, but you already know that. I’m doing a sort of mini show at 7 tonight. It would mean the world to me if you came… Look, I get it. You don’t want to be with me anymore, but I don’t want you to disappear from my life completely. Not when I need you now more than ever… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m not trying to guilt you into coming, I just really want you to be there. For the moral support. The rest of the team is coming, so you won’t be alone. That’s it I guess. Bye.”

 He listened to the voicemail on repeat as he made his way to the venue where you were playing your mini show. He had no idea what to expect, but the idea of not supporting you hurt too much to stay home.

 After parking and walking inside, he managed to find the rest of the team. Turning to Morgan, he began to ask “hey, do you-” He was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. Turning to look at it, he recognized the number as his Mom’s doctors. “Oh, it’s my mom’s doctors. I have to take this.” He retreated back outside the venue, answering the call on the way.

 It was really a simple call, only took a few minutes, but you had already started when he walked back in. Not wanting to disrupt anything, he took a seat near the back of the venue, shooting Morgan a text that he probably wouldn’t need to go to Vegas.

 “…how I was feeling about a month ago. Before everything happened. It was the happiest I have ever been. I had a great group of friends, a job I loved, a hobby that helped me bring some of that joy to you guys, and… a perfect boyfriend. Most of that is still true and for that I am incredibly grateful. Without further ado, here we go!”

 His heart hurt to know that he was the part that wasn’t true anymore. He immediately recognized the song as it began to play. He memorized all of Taylor Swift’s songs in the months he’s spent with you in your apartment listening to the range of playlists. It’s honestly a good thing he got that call because he started tearing up almost instantly realizing how happy you were when the two of you were together.

 I want to drive away with you. I want your complications too. I want your dreary Mondays, wrap your arms around me Pr-aby boy.

 His breath caught in his throat when he heard the slip up. You used to change the lyrics to all of Taylor’s songs to be about him. “Wrap your arms around me pretty boy” is exactly what you used to sing to him. The range of emotion he was feeling surprised him. He expected this to be painful, but not this much.

  “Thank you! Thank you! This next song is kind of a complete about face. 180 degrees if you will. Actually” you pause to think, “it’s more like 540 degrees.” He watches as you take in the confused glances from the audience, searching the crowd for someone. “I feel like I went through every emotion possible, returned to where I started, and then was forcefully turned in the opposite direction.”

  “Clearly, you can tell why I was so happy a month ago. Paper Rings is kind of obvious in that sense. But, 3 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours, and 27 minutes ago every possible ounce of that happiness disappeared.” He froze knowing that exact amount of time meant your happiness disappeared not when you were abducted and tortured, but after he left your apartment that night.

 “ For those of you who don’t know, I recently went through a fairly traumatic event. My good friends at the FBI saved my life. But after I left the hospital with a new found relief, I went home and my boyfriend, well I guess ex-boyfriend, came over.” He could see the tears forming in your eyes even from his place in the back of the crowd, and it only hurt him more.

“He didn’t tell me why, but he broke up with me that night. He said he didn’t want to do it while I was in the hospital, so he waited. I’ve had a lot of time to think it over, and I might know now why things changed. But even if I’m wrong, he left. And now, he won’t talk to me. Now I know what you’re thinking. This guy sounds like a complete asshat.” He couldn’t help thinking that was a massive understatement.

 “And maybe you’re kind of right. But he’s been through more than I could even explain, and I know that it is slowly killing him to know that I went through barely a tenth of what has happened to him. Especially because I know he blames himself. So, I have this next song. To try and explain how him leaving is worse than anything that happened in that building. ”

 Again, he immediately recognized the next song that began playing. Haunted, especially the acoustic version, was one of the few songs you saved for when you were so sad nothing else helped. He knew how much pain you must be in to even listen to this song, let alone sing it in front of the crowd.

 By the time you reached the bridge, he could already feel the tears streaming down his face.

 I know. I know. I just know, you’re not gone. You can’t be gone, no

 The way your voice sounded like it completely broke when you sang “no” made his heart wrench. He had his head in his hands. He felt completely useless. This kind of pain was the exact thing he was trying to prevent. He didn’t think you would still feel so strongly about him 3 and a half weeks later.

 “I know what you’re thinking. What the hell happened to you? Well, a lot. But that song, the first song, and the last song are all to the same person. The one person in the world who understands me more than anyone else. You should all know, however, the ‘he’ I was referring to when I sung ‘he will try to take away my pain’ is none other than my therapist. Thanks for the all the help Doc, I’m trying to do what you said. The last song I have for you is what I wish I had the chance to say that night 3 weeks, 4 days 6 hours, and 33 minutes ago. It’s something I need you to know.”

 He doesn’t know how, but he knows you are talking to him when you finish the last sentence. He lifts his head to look at you again as he once again recognizes the song. His favorite line in this particular song was always:

 You keep, his shirt. He keeps, his word.

 He knows exactly which promise you are referring to this time. And he knows that he didn’t keep it.

 You can see it with the lights out.

 Before the two of you even started dating, he promised you he would always be there.  No matter the time of day.

 You are in love, true love.

 No matter where he was in the country. No matter what he was doing, he would drop it to help you if you needed him.

 You're in love.

 And he failed. He left when you needed him most. And he had no idea how to fix it.

  “Thank you all so much for coming! We can only hope for and work towards a better future than the present we find ourselves in. Goodnight.”

 You’re right. He is in love. And apparently, so are you. All he knows in this moment is that he has to fix things. He has no idea how, but he has to at least try.

--

Y/N POV

It felt like hours, but it had only been about 15 minutes when you heard a knock on your door. You somehow managed to stop crying and wipe your face before answering the door. You were met with the concerned expressions of almost all of your friends. They rushed in to take turns hugging you with varying degrees of sadness and anger in their voices.

Morgan probably noticed you looking around them all when he said “Reid wanted to come, but something came up with his Mom.” After hearing that, you immediately shifted from your spot on the floor. All you felt now was concern for him. “Is she okay? What happened?” The genuine sincerity in your voice was no surprise to anyone. You have always put everyone else’s feelings above your own.

“He didn’t say what happened, but he said he probably wasn’t flying out so it will be fine.” Morgan responded. The room shifted into silence, not quite awkward, but not comforting either. JJ chose to break it “Why didn’t you tell us what happened? Or even that you were seeing anyone?”

You shifted your gaze to her face from its previous resting place on the floor, you sighed. “I don’t know really. At first, it was because it was like a game between us. We actually had a bet going about which one of you guys would figure it out first. I was actually planning to tell you all at Rossi’s last family dinner, but then with everything that happened it just…” You stopped to force yourself not to cry again. It was killing you that they didn’t know who you were talking about, although they were probably figuring it out as you continued to talk.

“Y/N” you had never heard your name spoken so softly by Morgan before, “what can we do to help? Do you want me to kill him? The team can probably hide his body.” He tried to joke. You managed a weak smile in response.

“No. The truth is I’d rather feel like this in a world with him than be happy in a world without him. I… I was supposed to meet him for dinner that night, but he had to cancel. That’s part of why he blames himself. Or at least I think so. I genuinely haven’t talked to him about it.” Admitting that truth was a lot easier than you expected. You rose from the ground to change the song, knowing exactly which song might help you. Before you could get to your phone though, there was a knock on the door. You signaled for Rossi to answer it since he was standing the closest.

You turned to see Spencer Reid walk into your dressing room. “Hi Y/N” he said in a sad greeting.

“Morgan said you had to talk to your Mom’s doctors, is she okay?” you responded, your concern for your friend’s mom returning.

“Oh, uh yeah she’s fine. They just wanted to switch her medicine again. Thanks for asking.” You nodded in response, not knowing what else to say.

“I think, um, I think I’m just gonna go home now.” You said, staring at the floor to avoid everyone’s sympathetic looks. “I just want to go to bed and hope for the best, ya know?” You began pushing your way through people, your bag on your shoulder.

Spencer grabbed your wrist as you passed him, giving you a pleading look. The tears began to fall again as you looked at him, gently pulling your arm away. You couldn’t do this here. Not in front of everyone. Not when you hadn’t even told them it was Spencer who left you near catatonic staring at your apartment door. You turned and ran to your car before they could stop you.

--

 tag list:

@mac99martin​ @goldeng1rl8​ @eevee0722​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @haylaansmi​ @dinonuggets15 @laurakirsten0502​ @green-intervention​ @burnin-passion​ @takeyourleap-of-faith @secretpickleprofessordean​ @awkwardnesshabitat​ @loveheathens​ @fan-girl-97​ @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat​ @akuri-shinsou​ @prongsyy​ @panhoeofmanyfandoms​ @sherlockmarvelharrypotter​ @lizziebritish​

[meimae]

Language Learning Through Immersion: One Year Japanese Update

11/03/2021

I did it, you guys! I’ve successfully reached my very first year of Japanese language immersion! I honestly thought that I would have given up by now, but this really has been a fun and ultimately rewarding endeavor.

Studying the language has been at the back of my mind for years since elementary school, I just never really knew how to go about it before, and I always thought that I could learn it in a classroom setting someday. That someday for me was in two elective courses in university, and while those were fun as well, it did not give me the same gains that I have achieved in this past year.

It’s probably easier to quantify learning a language in a classroom setting, especially when going through a program to earn a language degree. Learning through immersion, however, I had to really consider what my goals should be on my own. Eventually, I stumbled upon an article saying that for an English speaker, Japanese was exceptionally difficult to learn and that at least 2,200 hours must be spent with the language to reach a certain level of proficiency. So I said to myself, “well okay internet, if you say so!”, and set that as my long term goal going forward.

Spoiler Alert: I did not hit that goal in my first year. I am not crazy and will never listen to Japanese in my sleep regardless of what Khatzumoto (the creator of All Japanese All the Time) says. 

I did, however, hit a total 1,226.65 active immersion hours in my first year, so I guess I’m still a bit nuts. That is 874.96 hours of active listening and 351.69 reading hours. I also did 270.59 hours of passive listening, also known as the time in the very beginning of my immersion where I was using Japanese subtitles (therefore not really concentrating on listening alone). That’s a cumulative 1,497.24 hours spent with Japanese. That’s more than halfway towards my goal! 

To further break that down for curious animanga fans out there, that’s 973 episodes from 109 anime, 765 episodes from 33 dramas, 7 movies, and 967 chapters from 107 volumes of manga (21 series). Here’s my anilist and mydramalist to see what I’ve read/watched.

During all this, I was also doing my daily Anki reps and now I have a 530 day SRS streak (includes the time prior starting immersion and only doing RTK and some vocabulary cards) and a total 8,857 sentence cards. I’ve been averaging 406 cards daily (because I’m trying to cure my leeches) and I spend about an hour per day doing reps and learning new cards. I don’t really track my time on Anki, but I do have a set timer that goes off after 1-1:30 hours.

What I haven’t touched upon at all is output. I have not gone out of my way to find a tutor or a language partner. There’s still plenty of input out there to immerse in before I even consider outputting.

Graphs, stats, and more thoughts:

Here's my current card count in my main deck (minus the cards in my new/learning queue and leeches I've been relearning which are in separate decks):

That one day in 2019 where I did not do my cards because I was seriously doubting whether I can actually stick with language learning this time around will forever haunt and inspire me to keep going everyday.

Workflow and Tips

You might be wondering, how do I have a lot of time? I started this whole endeavor in the middle of a pandemic, which eliminated the option of me going to a language school, and a slew of other things I were considering doing last year became impossible (and if anything, very scary to do in a pandemic). All I can say is that, things work out eventually if it is His will, and if I can learn a skill before everything properly settles back down again, then why not? 

I wake up at 5 in the morning everyday to either do my Anki reps or read until the time when I need to get up and I listen to compressed audio throughout the day. The biggest tip is to switch the time you spend watching/reading in your native language to your target language instead. Listen to a podcast during your commute, watch an episode during lunch break, read before going to bed, do your Anki reps in the bathroom if you have to. 

But, if you’re feeling burnt out, there is no reason for you to not take a break! I have been watching a lot of Among Us streams before bed, and I chat with my friends from time to time. Language learning is not a race.

More Stats

Here are a couple of grids of the kanji characters that I have encountered at least once in my immersion and how well I have answered them in my vocabulary/sentence cards.

It's interesting that after almost 9000 words, I have yet to encounter every single character from the Remembering the Kanji 1 (RTK 1) book by James Heisig, which teaches you the most common use characters that are part of the 常用漢字. Which brings me to the question, was writing down every single character being taught in RTK worth it every time it came up in my reviews for the first 3-ish months I was reviewing them? Maybe, maybe not. It certainly removed my anxiety whenever looking at blocks of text in Japanese, but the longer I think about it, the more I feel I should have switched to Recognition RTK earlier. Still, being able to write in proper stroke order is cool I guess, and it also helps me when looking things up in the dictionary.

Here’s the same grid but in JLPT order:

I clearly need to grind those N2 and N1 level cards! Speaking of which, I have apparently almost covered every single character that could possibly appear in the JLPT (except for the N1 which I have only covered half of) in just a year's time. If the JLPT word frequency lists I’m using are accurate, I have about 2,000 words more to go to to cover most vocabulary that could appear in the test. This makes the "10,000 sentences/words to fluency" argument a reasonable milestone to aim for for Japanese learners if said aim is only to pass the test. That said, 10,000 words is just that, a milestone. It's more akin to a comfortable level of comprehension, but not my own concept of fluency which is being able to read with ease, speak articulately, and write comfortably.

READING IMMERSION GRAPHS

My biggest motivation for tracking my stats is for the purpose of seeing whether my reading speed is improving over time. Reading speed is also easier to measure than listening comprehension which is kind of subjective, so I had a lot of fun making these. What I found is that for the first volume or chapter of whatever it is I’m reading, I always take the time to get used to the writing style of the author. My speed really improves whenever I keep reading the same topic over and over again. On the other hand and quite obviously, looking up many new words in a row and trying to parse sentences slows me down.

Manga: Reading Speed Progression per Volume

I clearly love ちはやふる and I am not ashamed to admit it.

I need to start reading longer manga. When I do, I’ll probably split this graph into less than and greater than 20 volumes. Imagine if I start reading something ridiculously long as 名探偵コナン or ワンピース, these graphs will start breaching the bounds of time and space.

Novels: Time Spent Reading per Chapter

#neverforget the time I read chapter six of Norwegian Wood for 9 hours when it took me less than half that time in English RIP. Also, my interest in Kitchen plummeted LOL. Still planning to finish it don’t worry. 

I also need to start branching away from manga and start reading more novels and light novels, too just so I can make more pretty graphs.

Visual Novels: Time Spent Reading and Daily Word Count

Also known as images that clearly show that I’ve already spent several days only reading the prologue of Island. I’m not sweating. 切那 needs to stop using words I don’t know in succession. More thoughts on this VN far into the future.

Thoughts on Immersion

I can’t really say anything else other that that it works for me, and needless to say if you’re considering this method, remember that the SRS is your friend but immersion should be your one true love.

Prior to all this, I couldn’t even read a sample paragraph from Genki without being confused to my very soul. Yes, I know, it’s embarrassing, but that’s the truth. I was way more scared of failing my Japanese classes than my actual thesis for my bachelors degree, I kid you not. I would quite literally spend all my free time in university trying to understand grammar, memorize vocabulary, and answer my workbook exercises with little to no success. 

I tried so hard to get all the grammar “formulas” into my head for 1.5 years and it only brought me more confusion. I’m never going back to traditional classroom study for language learning, but I will still refer to grammar books when I need to, and not because I feel like I need to answer 4783342 different workbook exercises like my life depended on it.

I still can’t believe it, but with immersion this statement is actually true to a point, don’t try shadowing anime/or calling your boss anime language slurs, use your common sense:

study anime to understand Japanese > study Japanese to understand anime 

Future Goals/Plans

2,200 immersion hours was my initial goal, but honestly I feel like that number could be much higher. There’s still a lot of stuff I don’t understand (news, politics, sciences, etc.), so I’ll make attempts to cover more of those things in my immersion. 

I’ll continue reading more, because that’s a natural SRS in itself. Try to read longer manga, more novels, visual novels, and light novels, and maybe news articles. 

I’ll try to mine as much “JLPT vocab” as I can before making any attempts at taking the JLPT. I noticed that a lot of the words I know don’t appear in the JLPT word lists as much, even though they appear a lot in media/daily conversation. 

Continue mining all words I don’t know because all words are useful anyway. There is no such thing as useless words. I never really understood mining only “interesting words” or words that “pop up” in your immersion. As I said in my previous blog post, 美人局 is an interesting word and I certainly caught it being said in my immersion, but in the three languages I know, I wouldn’t know when I would be able to use such a word, as compared to something like ジャガイモ which is a significantly less interesting word, but is certainly useful to know. 

_

I have managed to talk up a storm, but if you have any questions regarding my process or recommendations for new immersion material, please feel free to send an ask/reply to this post. I love hearing about other people’s language learning/immersion journeys. 

See you on my next post!

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 15 Pt 1: The Gang Gets Lost in India

Ah, back to Yugioh classic. Sort of. We’re going into the second filler arc before Bakura, which I have been told is kind of nonsense. And youknow what, from the first scene--this is the first scene by the way--yeah I can see the nonsense.

We got Yami cosplaying as the Chrysler building, we got Yugi saying WTFWTF, we got...this thing?

This thing tells us “Join my game, Yugi!” and then the demon just kinda bounces.

K, bye, I guess.

(read more under the cut)

Waking up from this nightmare, Yugi reveals that he has outgrown his good pajamas. Or maybe he just overused them like I did to my favorite pajamas during quarantine (which, not gonna lie, I hand sewed my favorite pajama pants back together 2 or 3 times like they were the Velveteen Rabbit. Quarantine pajamas and me were like best buds for a year there.)

RIP Yugi’s good pajamas.

It’s fine. I’m fine.

I can get used to Yugi in his normal ass old man pajamas without any cute stars on them. I can accept this. He’s getting older. So much older that for a second I thought he was learning Hebrew, by the looks of his books on his counter. I thought...wow, is Yugi actually attempting to learn a language spoken around the time of ancient Egyptians???

But uh...I went a searching and unfortunately that’s not Hebrew, and if that is a language, I don’t know what it is. Pretty sure it’s just random marks because this show has to be translated in so many languages. Man. For a second there that looked like really sneaky world building, but nah, Yugi is still kind of a dumbass who has yet to attend a solid year of school.

Also, I got to take in this mustard yellow as if I’ve seen it for the first time.

It has strong building blocks energy. It’s...so much yellow and it’s extremely the vibe of that one set of animal crossing decorations that I have because it’s a very common recipe, but, can’t figure out for the life of me how to fit into any room.

What am I supposed to do with these, Nintendo? Other than recreate Yugi’s Muto’s haunted game store/house?

Like I live in the Bay area and we have wild painted houses so you can see them through the fog (back when we...still had fog, RIP California) --but this is a little much. This is such strong Protagonist energy but as a house.

Also, I’ve don’t think I’ve brought this up before, but like...Yugi is loaded, right? Like he’s way too good and humble to ever say he’s loaded, and they sort of make it seem like he’s not (when compared to Seto Kaiba) but damn, this location of his real estate sure is something. That and Grandpa’s tiny shop seems to run on a constant deficit and his family just doesn’t care.

We flash back a bit to Gramps sneaking out, and Yugi is like “oh great, my only Father figure I ever talk about is getting a backpack together and just...leaving without any notice, huh? Without telling me you were going to go? Didn’t think that would maybe be a little off putting?“ and Gramps is like “Yes?”

Like Gramps nearly died going to an amusement park a few episodes back so I can see why Yugi is a little bit concerned.

Down the street at a little town lottery, Joey is getting further into gambling (I don’t know what those little street lotteries are called, it’s in a lot of anime--but kinda looks like mom lotteries for moms.)

I’m not sure why India is on Joey Wheeler’s bucket list, seems a little random, but he went to Pegasus’ country, after all and that’s barely even a country.

Joey going nuts on a lottery machine instead of going to school was pretty peak filler, so I’m not really minding this stuff so far.

And then, just to spook me, check this out:

I can’t believe they even let them back into a classroom. In my nerd school, if you missed one too many days, you were sent to the bad schools to be someone else’s problem. But in Yugi’s case...that either IS his school or...Yugi is failing International School, which is just a thing he’s allowed to do, because, as I said before, this kid has got to be loaded. Even Seto Kaiba was like “I’m not spending money on this school anymore. That outfit is like 50 bucks a jacket.”

Youknow, I have seen all the other characters knock on Tea’s choice of cute ass monsters for the last 5 seasons, and she has never once changed them out. She is holding onto this scary seraphim thing with the many wings like every child with their first Pidgey. She does not care.

Also how is this thing cute?

like the front of this orb has a face with hearts on it but like...it is kind of remarkable what Yugioh decides is cute. Magma golem: not cute. this thing? This thing that looks like it’s a chibi version of the last chapters of the bible and will sound the trumpets of the second coming? So cuuuuute.

Tristan used to be the Janitor/hall monitor/square archetype. Like hell he can walk around with that 00′s R+B soundtrack.

Joey appears in order to get us the hell out of school, and the art team retires this school background for the rest of what I assume is this entire series.

Goodbye school. Maybe you’ll come back with Bakura. Which would be weird, since rumor is that arc takes place in ancient Egypt.

On their walk home, Tea lets out in an inner monologue that no one could hear that after 5 straight seasons of his BS, she’s sick and tired of Pharaoh being the center of attention all the time and she needs a freakin break.

TBH, as she was thinking in her head like “Pharoah is just so freakin much” Yugi switched over to Pharaoh and was like “WHATS UP TEA, THINKING ABOUT ME??” and I thought for a split second maybe he read her mind with his Pharaoh powers.

And like...maybe he did? Seems like a thing he can just do but chooses not to tell anyone about. I mean would you tell anyone? I wouldn’t.

So, unlike Miho in Season Zero, who at least had the decency to try to take her Mother to Australia, Joey Wheeler has wisely decided that the 3 other ticket holders will not be the 3 other members of his immediate family. That would have been the most awkward trip between Serenity, his mother he hasn’t really spoken to in 7 years, and his absent father who was written out of the series for being a raging alcoholic. They would have not even made it to the plane.

Instead he’s gonna take the ghost in Yugi’s head and call that an adult (two tickets in one, really). It’s honestly not that bad of a plan, since his only other father figure, Grandpa, is MIA, and his only other, other father figure, Roland, charges like 300 dollars an hour and wants stock options and health insurance.

And honestly they should have taken Roland because he’s one of their best plane guys.

So they take the smallest little Amelia Earheart plane in the world, going from Japan to (checks map) India...which 2 times the distance this plane can go and it crashes...which is exactly what would happen if you took a teeny tiny plane over the Himalayan mountains without refueling that thing.

We call this a magical incident later in the episode, but this is just basic math.

So, fun fact, (and probably why I discuss planes so often on this blog) two of my Grandfathers were pilots (well, three, since my grandmother remarried another pilot), which sounds like a crazy coincidence until you recall that their generation was in WW2 and we just shoved children in planes for 20 years and called that normal.

Anyway, to save on travel costs, my engineer Grandfather built his own plane out of junkyard parts, which, as you can imagine, is a living nightmare, and it was held together by like duct tape and gasoline (which at one time used to be cheap). Tempted God every day that Howls Moving Castle touched the sky.

And while I only know it from photos since I wasn’t exactly born yet, it looked exactly like this plane. So looking at this, all I can think is...yeah...that’s what you get for flying to India in a tin can car. To this day I cannot trust any plane of this size.

So, they climb out of their wreckage virtually unscathed and into familiar Californian territory.

At least Joey thought about bringing a tent.

It’s interesting how our cast has become so accustomed to this that they’re not even all that shell shocked. It’s just another day in the life.

So next time we shall find out what India has in store for us. Or if we’re even in India...because again...feels a lot like this BG team doesn’t do any research into their landscapes and every place feels a whole lot of the same. But...at least they didn’t put any Arizonan mesas in India.

[mochegato]

Pixie Spy

Chapter 8

Chapter 1     Chapter 7

Ladybug swung through the streets as long as she could before the wind became too powerful for her to keep her trajectory. She only managed to make it about halfway to where the team was waiting before the wind became too strong.  She landed on the street with a roll, deciding running would be more effective after the fifth crash into a balcony. She looked down at her yoyo as she ran looking for the dots indicating her team.  Chat, Carapace, and Rena were already together under a bridge along the Seine.  Bee was quickly approaching from the opposite direction.  

Ladybug felt her progress slow as the wind suddenly picked up significantly.  She blinked a few times when she saw a tornado barreling toward her.  She gave a surprised squeak and jumped into an alley to get out of the tornado’s path.  She breathed a sigh of relief, leaning against the bricks of the alley wall until she started sliding toward the alley entrance.  Her eyes widened in surprise as she fell back and was sucked toward the tornado.  She threw out her yoyo, capturing a pipe on the other end of the alley and held on as the tornado sucked the dumpsters out of the alley and flung them out into the street, demolishing cars.  She stared at the pipe nervously when it started to bend under the pressure of the tornado’s pull on her.

She felt her body slowly lower as the tornado passed by and the winds died down.  She took a few seconds to catch her breath before walking out to see the devastation. It looked like a bulldozer carved a diagonal path through the neighborhood.  There were buildings destroyed next to buildings that looked completely untouched.  There was wreckage everywhere.  She could see at least one leg just barely sticking out of one of the wrecked buildings.

She scrunched her eyes shut and took a deep breath to focus herself.  He hoped that was the only tornado they had to deal with, but with the way things had been going lately, it was unlikely.  If it was following the regular pattern, the akuma would be flashy and devastating.  While devastating, one tornado was hardly flashy.  What she wouldn’t give for the early days of Mr. Pigeon or even Guitar Villain.  That one was kind of fun actually.  Even as a dragon, Fang was just a big puppy.

“Waiting on you, LB.” She heard over her com.  She looked down and saw Bee had joined the others.   She shook her head and started running again.

“Sorry, got caught up in something.  Weather is crazy today, don’t you think?”  She responded with a fake casualness.

“No idea what you mean, Dudette.” Carapace responded in the same tone.  “I’ve just been chillin’ here watching the trees break in the breeze.”

“Screw you both!” Bee seethed.  “That fucking wind absolutely destroyed my hair.  That bitch is going down.”

“Is it Stormy?”  Ladybug asked.  It seemed like her MO, but it made no sense.  She could do a lot worse.  She had done a lot worse years ago.

“Can confirm, it is Stormy.  I saw the butterfly land.  One guess where.”  Rena added. They knew all knew where it was. With Aurora, it was always her umbrella. “One guess who caused it too.” She added bitterly, her eyes darkened with anger.

Ladybug groaned.  Most of the people at school had figured out to avoid or laugh at Lila, but Aurora still took everything to heart.  She had grown a tougher skin, but criticisms still hurt.  The insinuations still hurt.  The judgement still hurt.  And Lila knew just how to phrase her words to maximize the hurt and capitalize on insecurities.  “Fucking bitch.”  Ladybug muttered under her breath.

“That’s what I said.” Bee bit out.  “And as soon as this is done, I’m killing her.”

Ladybug sighed heavily.  “We don’t kill, Bee.”  Fuck, now she sounded like Batman.  She needed to say something to rid herself of this feeling.

“It won’t be permanent.  I’ll do it before the miraculous ladybug.” Bee dismissed her.

Ladybug opened her mouth to reprimand her but that would be what Batman would do.  What wouldn’t batman do…  “That is very creative thinking, Bee.  I love your creativity and passion.” She said focusing on the positives instead.

She jumped down next to the group just in time to see Bee’s face scrunch up in confusion and disgust.  She turned on Ladybug and shook her finger in her face. “You… you… Don’t do that.  You’re supposed to be our voice of reason.” She slapped Ladybug’s arm.  “It’s creepy when you’re all supportive of my bad ideas.”

“If I wasn’t supportive of your bad ideas, I’d never be supportive.” Ladybug quipped before she thought about it.  As soon as the words were out of her mouth she cringed. Damn, she was moving closer to Batman again.  

Bee gasped dramatically and opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by Chat.  “Yeah, yeah we’ll all just imagine the cutting response.  Can we focus please?”

She sighed and turned to Rena, “So how bad is it?”

“At least twenty smaller tornadoes around the city. And by ‘smaller’ I mean just terrifying and destructive instead of horrifying and catastrophic like the one over there.” She motioned vaguely behind them.  Ladybug looked warily at the rapidly swirling clouds in the sky. “News estimates that one is above an F-5, which is the highest known level.”  She looked up with a haunted look.  “If that thing were to start moving, nothing in the city would be standing. Nothing.”

“So why isn’t it moving?” Carapace asked keeping his eyes on the clouds in the sky.  “Stormy has never held back before.  We know she can do worse.  So why isn’t she?”

“You think there’s something more going on?” Chat asked, furrowing his brow.

“Amok?” Ladybug asked looking at him.

Carapace shrugged.  “Not sure what is going on.  I’m just saying Stormy created a super volcano that almost destroyed us.  A few tornadoes is stepping back a bit.”

Ladybug nodded and returned her gaze to the clouds. She ducked quickly when something came flying over the embankment and almost hit her.  “We aren’t going to be able to get close to her with this wind. We need a way to neutralize the wind if we want to do anything.”  She mused more for herself than the team.  Her eyes darted around to her teammates and up at the sky.  Her mind started running through potential plans and likely outcomes, backups, workarounds, collateral damage, risk assessment.

“We’re going to have to do it without talking too.” Chat noted.  “Once we get up there, nobody is going to be able to hear anything even if we yell.” He turned to them with a small grin. “But, that means we’ll be able to sneak up on her without having to try to be quiet because she won’t be able to hear either.”

Ladybug made a note of his comment, adding it as a potential puzzle piece.  She pursed her lips as the pieces started fitting together.  It would take all of them working together, acting at the right moments, but lean more heavily on Bee than she wanted to.  Not that she didn’t completely trust Bee.  She knew Bee could do it, she just hated putting any of her team on the front lines while she watched from a safe distance.

She was putting the last pieces in place when she heard an eerily sweet voice floating towards them.  “Come out, come out wherever you are, Ladybug and Chat Noir. I want to play.” Stormy’s voice took on a hard edge.  “We can fly a kite.”  There was a short pause before her voice returned to the eerily sweet tone.  “I’ve already provided the wind and everything.”

Rena gave Chat a deadpan look.  “So, not affected by the tornado’s noise and able to make her voice heard over it are part of her powers.”

Chat shrugged sheepishly.  “That’s okay.  We won’t need it to get the akuma.” Ladybug said confidently.  All of the eyes turned to her, ready to take her orders. “Carapace, you’re going to create a shelter for us to hide in on a roof close enough to observe, but not so close the building might collapse under us.  Then create a tunnel through the tornado to the eye, but you’re going to need to create it from higher up.  Bee, you’re going to need the flying power up so you can fly through the tunnel into the eye. You’re going to drop down on her from above and use Venom to incapacitate her.  Rena, on Bee’s mark, you’re going to create an illusion that the tornadoes are gone.  The devastation will still be there, but her tornadoes will be gone.  Bee will take advantage of her confusion to deliver the venom.  Chat and I will keep an eye out for the amok, but this plan is mostly on your shoulders, Bee.”

“If she can talk through the wind then I imagine she can see through it too.”  Chat commented somberly, looking around at the buildings near them and trying to remember the buildings around the Champ de Mars or the Trocadero.  “We’ll want to pick a rooftop that gives us a view but that won’t allow her to see us.”  He pulled up a map on his baton and examined it for a few seconds.  “This one should work.” He turned and showed them the building he had in mind.  He stared at Rena a few second and cocked his head to the side.  “Or, we just have Rena hide us.  Can you make that part of your illusion?  Hiding us as well?”

“It will get a bit complicated getting the different layers and timing and complexities to work together, but I should be able to do it.” Rena nodded slowly, staring at nothing while she fit the pieces together in her head.

Ladybug nodded.  “Good idea, Chat.  Rena, can you give us some cover while we get there, too?”

“On it, LB.” Rena jerked out of her thoughts and nodded at her before playing her flute.  “Mirage.” They looked around but nothing looked different.

“Uh… Babe?” Carapace started, looking around in confusion.

Rena gasped dramatically.  “You doubt me?”  Carapace rolled his eyes at her.  Rena laughed at him.  “It’s like a screen around this area, a screen showing a picture.  Anyone on the other side won’t see any changes.  We can move as much as we want and they won’t see it.”

“So are we moving or are we just going to hang out here until Stormy gets bored with us and moves on?”  Bee asked annoyed with the lack of movement.  

“Come on guys, we’re going to make her late for her spa appointment if we don’t move and Lord knows we wouldn’t want to be responsible for that kind of travesty.”  Rena snickered.

“No, you wouldn’t.” Bee snapped.  “Those spa appointments are the one thing that keep me from killing you all.”

“On that sweet, teambuilding comment, let’s get started.  The sooner we stop this the better.” Ladybug grumbled.

They made their way to the rooftop, occasionally dodging random objects flying.  “That was a…” Carapace’s eyes followed the object as it flew out of view.  He whipped his head around to Rena, looking at her apprehensively.  “There wasn’t a baby in that stroller, right?  It was empty?”

“No Babe, there was no baby in the stroller.” Rena assured him.  “It’s okay. The baby is safe.  It was empty.”

Carapace nodded at her words. “Okay, good.  Good.  Good.” Rena looked over at Chat and grimaced. Chat gave her a sympathetic look and patted her on the back.

As soon as they landed on the roof Carapace called for shelter and Rena called for a new mirage.  They huddled together under the camouflaged green dome and assessed the situation.  From their new perch, the scene looked more horrific.  The tornado was even more massive than before.  Ladybug expected the buildings surrounding the area to start crumbling any second now.  If the tornado moved even a few feet in either direction, they definitely would.

“Everyone knows their job.  Everyone ready?”  Ladybug looked at all of them seriously, looking for any signs of uncertainty before they started, especially from Bee.  She was the one taking all the risks.  She was the one they needed permission to start from.

Bee looked at her confidently.  “I’m ready to go.” She said with conviction.  She detransformed, pulled a power up out of her purse, and handed it to Pollen.  As soon as Pollen was done, she called on her transformation again and looked back at Ladybug with a smile.  “Let’s do this.  I’ve got an appointment to get to.”

Ladybug nodded to her.  “We don’t want to make her late for that.” Ladybug smiled slightly. “Rena, Carapace, you’re up.”

Rena called for Mirage again, camouflaging the area where the tunnel was going with just a few notes from her flute. Carapace moved forward and called out, “Tunnel.”  A green tunnel only they could see formed in the sky linking the shelter and running through the side of the tornado.  As soon as he nodded to Bee, she extended her wings and started beating them.  She rose slowly off the ground.  Thank God they had practiced with the power ups before. Otherwise she would be a jerky, uncontrolled mess right now, plus it was just extremely cool practice, much more fun than the fire resistance training.  She gave them one last look before flying into the tunnel.  After a few seconds, they heard a beep on their coms indicating Bee was in position.  “Rena,” Ladybug cued her quietly.  

“Mirage,” Rena called out again.  This time, they all saw the change.  The scene looked completely different.  Not only was the tornado gone, but the trees appeared to have stopped blowing, standing tall and unbroken.  They could almost believe what they were seeing if they couldn’t hear the wind against the outside of the shelter and on Bee’s coms.  “She should be able to see what’s in the eye but nothing outside of it.  That goes for both of them.” Rena reported.  “Nothing except what I want them to see.”

They waited with baited breath for something to change, for the wind to stop or Bee to say something.  They stared so hard at the spot where the tornado had been that it was amazing none of them broke any blood vessels in their eyes.  Ladybug let out a loud yelp when she felt something touch her.  She looked over and saw Chat give her a sheepish look and continue to pat her hand comfortingly a few more times.  She let out a strangled sigh and turned back to the spot

The sound of the wind was starting to drive Ladybug crazy.  It was a constant reminder that things had not changed.  That Bee was still in danger.  That she was out there by herself, with no backup.  If anything happened to her, they would be too late to help.  She was alone and Ladybug had sent her there.

After a few minutes they finally heard a break in the white noise the wind had become.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t the easing of the wind as they had hoped.  They all jumped and Rena’s illusion disappeared as Bee’s screaming rang in their ears.

“Bee, report!” Ladybug screamed.  “Carapace, kill the tunnel.  Bee, report.  Are you okay? Bee!”  Ladybug was getting more and more frantic with each word.  She checked her yoyo for Bee’s beacon.  It started blinking a few blocks away.  “Damn it!  I should have sent backup with her.  Rena, Carapace please go check on her.”

“I’m fine.  I’ll…” she cut off her sentence with a groan.  “Yeah, these bricks are definitely hard.” She reported as she slid down the side of the building she had been thrown into.  “There’s definitely an amok, by the way.  The little bastard can ride the tornadoes and jumped me while I was focused on Stormy.” Bee groaned rolling onto her hands and knees.

“Bee, do you think you can get back here on your own or do you need a bit of assistance?”  Ladybug asked gently.

“While I appreciate the offer of my own personal sedia gestatoria, and it is much deserved, I think I can make it myself.” She answered proudly but her voice was ragged.

Ladybug turned her com off and turned to Rena and Carapace.  “Can you two go escort her anyway?  She’s already weak after what I’m sure was a hell of a hit.  If she gets caught in one of those random tornadoes, she might not be able to get out of the way in time.”

“Will do, LB.” Rena saluted her.  “Come on Carapace.  I’ll race you.”  Rena took off running.  Carapace gave them a weak smile and followed after her.

“Sending your underlings instead of dealing with me yourself, Ladybug?  I’m hurt. I thought we meant more to each other. I just wanted to play.  My little pet wanted to play, too.  Unfortunately, your little pet Bee just wasn’t strong enough to handle him.”  Stormy taunted, laughing eerily.  “What do I need to do to get your attention?  Should I send my pet after all of your little pets?”

“Right,” Chat grimaced at the thought of the pain he could hear in Bee’s voice.  “I think we could use a bit of Luck right about now.  What do you think, m’lady?”

Ladybug nodded still looking at the growing tornado. “I think you’re right, Chaton. Lucky Charm!” Ladybug called out throwing her yoyo into the air.  She stared in bewilderment at the object that dropped into her hands.  “Seriously?  What am I supposed to do with this?”

She continued staring at the very distinctive red, full face mask now adorned with black dots that had dropped into her hands. Her mind raced through the possibilities.  Was she supposed to wear it?  Was Chat? Someone else?  Was she supposed to throw it at someone?  Did it have a voice changer she was supposed to use?  Some kind of analytical software she could use? She could throw it into the tornado and it would become a deadly weapon as the force of the wind launched it. With her luck, it might hit Stormy… but that didn’t feel right.  What did Tikki intend?

Chat cocked his head to the side staring at it with doubt as well.  “Do you think it means he is supposed to help us with Stormy?”

Ladybug shook her head.  “I doubt it.  It is never that straight forward for me.  If it was you, I would say that was what it meant, but Tikki always makes it more difficult than that.” She huffed in frustration.  She looked around them seeing if anything jumped out at her.

“Maybe he has something you need then.  Like when Tikki used to give you Lucky Charms to let you know you needed to go see Master Fu?” Chat offered uncertainly.

Ladybug’s eyes lit up.  “Yes!  That’s it. Great idea, Chat!  That is exactly what it means.” She stood up to find Jason. “Hold down the fort.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.  Let me know if anything changes I need to know about.” He nodded to her, his eyes turning hard as he watched the swirling clouds above her as she swung away.

<><><><><> 

Ladybug ran until she was out of Stormy’s tornado’s range then switched to swinging back toward where she had left Jason. She really needed to get his phone number.  It would be a lot easier finding him if she could just call him.  As it was, she was going to have to hope he stayed near where she left him and ignored his own self-interests to find a safe place to hide.  If he was already hunkered down somewhere safe, she would never find him.  Of course if he wasn’t hiding somewhere safe, she was going to kill him.

She reached the alley she had left him and pushed down a blush as memories of what had happened, what almost happened, came flooding back.  She turned away instead and started jumping from rooftop to rooftop, keeping a keen eye on the alleys and any place that looked like it could be used as a hiding place.  She finally found him walking a few blocks away, keeping close to the buildings. She dropped down into an alley just in front of him and reached out to pull him in with her as soon as he passed by.

He whipped his head around in shock, tensing his body ready to fight whoever had grabbed him.  He immediately lowered his fist when she saw Ladybug’s raised eyebrow, giving her a dashing grin instead.  “Ladybug, Paris’ hero.” He looked her up and down, his smile turning into a smug smirk. “You're quite a bit shorter than I expected.”

She narrowed her eyes at him.  “Red Hood, vigilante of Gotham.  You're quite a bit assholier than I expected.”  

His grin grew larger.  “I haven’t even gotten into my rhythm yet.”  She rolled her eyes at him and punched him hard in the shoulder.  He winced in pain.  “What was that for?”

“You couldn’t find a better place to hide than on the street?  Out in the open?  Where you have absolutely no cover or protection?”  A bit of concerned annoyance coming through in her voice.

“I don’t know what I’m hiding from and I wanted to see you in action.” He shrugged, wincing only slightly at the movement, his grin firmly in place.

“Tornadoes.  Lots of them. Some stronger than others.” She huffed, looking to the alley entrance with apprehension.   “Speaking of which, what do you have on you?”

He frowned at her in confusion at the seeming change of topic.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do you have on you.  What equipment do you have on you?” She prompted him.

“Why do you need to know that?” He asked as he started reaching into his pockets and pulling out weapons.  He lined them up on top of the dumpster lid as he pulled them out.

“My Lucky Charm gives me clues or tools to help me defeat an akuma.  My Lucky Charm today was this.” She held up the black spotted mask Tikki had provided earlier.

“That’s… that’s my mask.  Wouldn’t that mean you need me?  It’s telling you to let me help.”  He looked at her seriously as he pulled a knife out of his sleeve and placed it on the lid.

She shook her head at him. “No, it is never that straightforward, at least not for me.  It is always a windy path to get to the real significance.  And whenever it points me to a particular person, it means they have something I need to use; a tool, a weapon, information, something.  I just need to figure it out.  I’ll know it when I see it.”  She watched in surprise and a bit of shock, as he pulled more weapons and tools out of his coat pockets, around his ankles, belt.  “That’s… What the fuck?  Seriously?”

He shrugged at her.  “I travelled light today.”

She stared at him blank faced for a second.  “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not and I don’t think I want to know.” He gave her a dashing grin as he pulled out the last few items from a hidden pocket.  She looked down to assess the items he had laid out.  The last few items turned red with black spots. “There!” She pointed to them. “What are those?”

“These?  Trackers. You plant them on someone or something and you can follow them if you have the frequency.”  She nodded as he spoke.  The pieces of the plan started forming in her mind.  “It’s accurate to about 3 feet.”  

She suddenly looked up at him with a calculated grin.  “That is very helpful to know.  Can I borrow these?”  She asked as she grabbed them and dropped them into her yoyo.

“Uh… I guess.  What are you going to do?”

“Track someone.”  He huffed at her but didn’t challenge her.  “You might want to put those away before another tornado comes through and starts flinging them around too.  Find somewhere safe to hide and stay out of trouble.” She pointed her finger at him.

He moved a step closer to her and gave her another dashing smile as he started tucking weapons away.  “Not my strong suit, either part, not going to lie.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and gave him an amused smile even as she groaned mentally at herself.  He really shouldn’t look that sexy just putting weapons away.  What did it say about her that him tucking a gun into a holster made it hard for her to breathe?  “And what is your strong suit?”

He took another step closer.  “Being handsome and charming.” He smiled wider as she rolled her eyes at him. “And causing equal and opposite trouble.”

“Well, I have enough trouble to deal with right now, so if you could contain your chaotic good for a bit, I’d greatly appreciate it.”  She gave him a wry smile.

His eyes turned hard.  “I can help. I can plant the tracker.  I have years of experience doing it and massive amounts of training sneaking up on people.”

She gave him a pained look.  “You don’t have any protection.  Even with magically protective suits one of the team already got hurt.  So unless you’re going to tell me you’re invulnerable, I don’t know that it’s a good idea.  And we haven’t had the chance to figure out how you’re going to fit into all this and with the team.  We haven’t even gotten the team to agree that you are allowed to fit in here.  We don’t have time to figure this out now.”  Her eyes softened a bit as her expression turned more solemn.  “Seriously, there are at least 20 random tornadoes tearing through town destroying buildings and throwing cars, among other things.  The one she has shielding herself is worse. Please, find some place safe to hide until we take care of this.”

He looked up ready to assure her that he has fought worse but instead, caught her eyes, which was a fatal mistake.  She eyes were saturated with worry and fear for him.  He’d seen that look before.  He had that look when he was still Robin and Dick would do something stupid, more stupid and self-sacrificing than usual.  

He gave out a deep sigh and dropped his head.  He looked back up to her, his eyes took on a concerned look.  He stepped closer to her again, close enough now to pull her close, to lean down and kiss her if they wanted.  He reached to caress her face instead.  He nodded slowly.  “Alright.  I’ll hide. But you need to promise to be careful. I didn’t finally find you just for you to die on me.”

She stared into his eyes and leaned into his hand.  She opened her mouth to respond when something from the corner of her eye caught her attention.  “Look out!” She screamed tackling him to the ground.  They landed just as a table shattered against the wall they had been standing in front of.  She stared at the table in dismay and back out to the street, searching for the tornado that had caused the table to fly at them.  She inched closer to the opening to look around, but the tornado had already passed.  “I really have to go.  Get somewhere safe!  That table means there is a tornado in the area.  And these are magical tornadoes so they don’t follow normal tornado rules. Just because it passed already doesn’t mean it won’t come back.”  He nodded to her just before she swung away.

He stood there for a few minutes looking in the direction she had swung. He looked out to the street in front of him assessing the potential danger and trying to figure out the best place to hunker down for the storms, ideally some place that would still allow him to watch the fight.  The alley was fairly safe but exposed and he didn’t know how much longer it would be safe, especially if Marinette was right about a tornado coming.  Plus, there was no way to see the fight and he was dying to see her in action.

He considered his options for a few seconds before realizing he didn’t know where she would be fighting.  He gave a disappointed curse realizing he would have to wait to see her actually fight. He might as well follow her instructions and find a better place to hide.  He walked a few blocks before he saw signs of a tornado.

Whereas the street he had been on looked pristine, when he turned the corner, there was carnage.  Cars had been thrown on their sides, bikes were thrown through windows, balcony tables and chairs were laying broken against buildings, and more than a few bodies were laying under some of the wreckage.  He walked near the bodies, searching for signs of life.  He sighed as none of them moved.  He started walking again when he heard crying and scratching.  He followed the source to a mailbox in the side of a building.

He ripped the mailbox door and was met with wide, terrified green eyes, familiar green eyes.  “You’re the kid from the bakery.” He said in English before he could catch himself.  The kid’s eyes got impossibly bigger and started babbling to him in French.  Damn it! Jason cursed to himself.  This was going to be a crash course in French.  He was fluent at some point, years ago, but disuse had dulled his memory. He thought about it for a few seconds, mentally switching to French.  He just had to think of this like a mission and access those parts of his brain… quickly.

“I saw you in the bakery.  I’m Marinette’s friend Jason.  We need to go somewhere safe.  Are you okay? What is your name?”  He tried to give the kid a soft smile, making himself look as unthreatening as possible for a 6 foot, 225 pound man could seem.  Kids in Gotham knew he was dangerous but only against the bad guys, not kids.  He didn’t think this kid would be able to differentiate.  

The terrified look lightened only slightly as he responded.  “You know Marinette?” Jason smiled bigger as he nodded in response.  The assurance seemed to work as the kid relaxed a bit and looked around.  “My name is August.  Have you seen my father?  He put me in here when the wind came.”

Jason looked away and tried to hide his grimace.  He had seen a few men on the street, none of them alive.  “You know, I’m sure he found a place to hide from the big wind.  I’m sure he’s safe somewhere.  We can find him after Ladybug fixes everything.  We can have Marinette call him to let him know where you are, but now that we have a chance, we should find someplace safer.  Is it okay if I get you out?”

He waited until August nodded at him before lifting him out of the box.  He set him down on the ground but August clung to his arms.  Jason smiled comfortingly at him and settled him on his hip instead.  “Okay, August.  Let’s find a place to hide, yeah?”  August gave him a watery smile.

He started walking, holding the little boy close to his chest, shielding his head so he couldn’t see what was happening around him.  He just needed a safe place for them to hide, a building with a basement ideally.  Like he would know that from here he grumbled to himself, and he didn’t have the time to get it wrong.  Fuck! He should have done better reconnaissance, or any, before he came.  They had walked another block and still hadn’t seen anything that looked promising. Pretty soon he was going to have to take what he could get.  The wind was starting to pick up again, giving him the terrifying feeling that another tornado was headed their way.

He growled in frustration and looked around him again concentrating on the buildings.  Surely there was a metro somewhere, right?  He hadn’t seen a sign for blocks.  They passed by a pile of cars and paused hearing pounding and screaming from under the cars.  He searched for the source of the sound.  His eyes widened in horror as he realized where it was coming from.  A young girl had gotten trapped between a building wall and the pile of cars and was beating the cars trying to get free.  He set August down with a reassuring smile and pushed the car on top out of the way.  He reached down and grabbed the girl.  She looked up at him with wide eyes and screamed.

He flinched at the scream and sighed in acceptance.  “Yeah, I guess I deserved that.  I’m here to help not take you.  It isn’t safe out here and it’s about to get much less safe.”

She looked at him suspiciously, ready to say no to the giant of a man with scars who had grabbed her, until a head popped out from behind him.  “Manon!”

“August!”  She reached out to hug him but Jason grabbed her instead.  

“Hugs after we are safe.  It is getting worse by the second.”  He looked around for a good place to hide with the two kids.  Nothing much around them, a few shops, a few restaurants, a wine shop, a bookstore…  Wait! He instantly started moving.  When he finally reached the door, it was locked. “Who the fuc… why would you bother locking your doors during this?” he exclaimed loudly.  “Okay, move over here for a second… and don’t do this yourself.” He rammed his elbow through the door’s glass, shattering the glass panel near the handle.  He reached in to open the door, scratching his arm as he did. He hissed in pain but hid it from the kids.

“Why here?” Manon called loudly to be heard over the wind.

“Because wine shops have wine cellars.” Jason explained calmly.  “Now in you go.” He pushed her through the door, following with August close behind.

<><><><><> 

Ladybug landed inelegantly next to the team, taking a few seconds to steady herself against the sudden lack of wind.  “I have a plan.”  She smiled at them.

“Well then let’s hear it.” Rena encouraged her.

“Something better than the last one would be appreciated.” Bee grumbled.

“Sucks for you.  Exactly the same plan as last time… kind of.” Ladybug smirked at them.

The sound of four people groaning at the same time made Ladybug smile even wider.  “Dudette, maybe you missed how it turned out last time, but we lost.”

“I have faith this time will be luckier.” She smiled cheerily.  “And we’re going to build failure into the plan… or at least the appearance of failure.” She looked over at Bee with a conspiratorial smile.  “You’re going to lead them into a false sense of security thinking we are trying the same thing again, but the real goal…” she leaned in closer as she pulled the trackers out of her yoyo, “… is to plant one of these.”

“And what the fuck are those?” Bee demanded unceremoniously.  “And just how the fuck are they supposed to change anything?”

“These my lovely pain in the ass, are tracking beacons.  Carapace, you will do the exact same thing as before.  You will create a tunnel from above through her tornado.  Rena, you will create the camouflage illusion on the tunnel, Bee, and yourself this time.  And you will need to use your flying power up.”  Rena gave her a skeptical look.

“Bee, you’ll have to use my or Chat’s flying power up.  Apologize to Pollen that it isn’t in her flavor.  I suggest using mine.  I don’t think Pollen will appreciate the cheese power up.” Bee huffed out a loud breath at the thought of that.  Pollen would not react well to the disrespect.  Chloe was going to have to lavish her with praise for days to make up for it.

“I hope you know what you are doing.  Pollen will not appreciate this.” Chloe grumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head away.

“I understand and please explain how eternally grateful we are for how magnanimous she is in agreeing to this.” Ladybug rolled her eyes as she said it.  “You’re going to pretend to try to take her out with venom again but it is a cover for Rena to plant this on her.” She said holding up the tracker before tossing it over to Rena. “And for you to actually get the amok with the venom instead.

“Rena, you stay camouflaged and try to plant that on her.  If anything happens to Rena while she is planting it, Bee, you take advantage of her distraction to plant yours on her.”  Ladybug tossed another tracker to her.  “Once you have them planted, notify me and Chat.  We will take her from there from below.  Your sole focus will be the amok.  We need you to restrain it until we can find the possessed item and free the feather.  Hopefully, when we deakumatize Aurora, she’ll know where the item is or at least what it is.”

Chat eyed Ladybug suspiciously, slowly nodding as he picked out the key words he needed to figure out her plan, all the pieces quickly falling into place.  “We’ll have to act quickly,” he warned her.

Ladybug nodded at him, “Getting the umbrella will be the top priority.  Whichever of us sees an opening, we take it.”

“Hey Wonder Twins, care to let the rest of us mere mortals in on your part of the plan?” Rena asked unamused.  Honestly, it was freaky how they could read each other’s minds sometimes.  One of them would say one part of an idea and the other would act on it before anyone else had even comprehended what they had said in the first place.  She understood that they had been partners for years now but if she didn’t know better, she would swear there was more to it than that.  And that asshole cat better not be trying to replace her as Marinette’s best friend. She could and would skin a cat.

“We’re going to go into the sewers.  We’ll use the trackers to know exactly where she is…” Chat started to explain.

“Within three feet.” Ladybug corrected.  Chat gave her a questioning look.  “He said there is a three foot uncertainty radius.”

Chat nodded, “…approximately where she is and get right under her.  I’ll use Black Hole to create a hole under her, dropping her into the sewers with us.” Chat finished with a smile.

Carapace nodded at the explanation.  “Removing her from the tornadoes.  As long as you act quickly, her biggest asset is gone.  Good thinking, Dudette.”  

Ladybug smiled at him.  “Thanks Carapace.  We’ll need you to get as close as you feel is safe as well.  We’ll follow you on our maps so we can get close to where we will need to be.”  She turned to the rest of the team, her face turning serious.  “Okay, we have the plan, everyone knows their parts.  Let’s get out there.  Good luck guys.  Keep us updated.”

<><><><><> 

“Why are we down here?” Manon asked annoyed.

“That’s what you do in a…” Jason started but quickly realized he never learned the French word for tornado.  Honestly, why would he.  It wasn’t something they experienced.  “…tornado.” He finished in English.

Manon let out a critical huff and provided the French word for him.  “Thanks” he grumbled.

“Why?” August scrunched his nose.

“I know you guys aren’t familiar with them, but tornados destroy things, like buildings.  So you go underground.  It’s safe underground.”

“Like the sewers?” August asked.

Jason cocked his head to the side to consider that.  “That also would have worked.” He nodded slowly.  “But we’re going to stay here.  We’re not going to risk moving.  We will be safe here.”

“Not worth getting dirty.  It’s just Stormy Weather.”  Manon showed them her phone which was playing the news.  “They’ve fought against her before.  They know what to do.”  She continued flippantly.  Jason stared at her trying to figure out if it was an act or not.  He’d seen enough kids acting tough so they didn’t seem vulnerable and comfort the kids around them, to know it when he saw it.  It was a constant for the older kids on the street when he was growing up.  The older kids did it for the younger kids.  It was a rite of passage.

She was more scared than she was letting on but Jason couldn’t tell how scared she was.  August’s reaction to her was immediate though.  He started nodding at her, thinking over what she was saying.  The concern in his expression lessening with each nod. Manon continued to watch the news program as Jason took a seat, pulling out his phone as well.  

After a few minutes, Manon sat near him and sighed.  “Poor Aurora.  She’s such a nice person, too.  I wonder what happened this time.”

“Trying to destroy an entire city isn’t what I’d call nice.” Jason scoffed.

Manon shrugged, keeping her focus on her phone. “It’s not really her though. It’s the akuma.  It makes you do things you would never have wanted to do. It takes over.”  She paused for a few seconds seeming to stare past her phone. “And you don’t remember what you’ve done after.  You have to watch it later.  It’s like you’re watching a stranger, but it’s you.  It’s so wrong.”

She said it with such conviction, so much confidence, like she was speaking from personal experience.  Jason felt his stomach sink with the realization.  “Have you ever become an akuma?”  He hated saying the words but he hated the look that crossed her face when he asked even worse.  The look of guilt and horror, the same look he saw in the mirror when he would get a flash of something he had done immediately after getting out of the pit.

“Yeah… more than once.”  She said it quietly, still looking at her phone in an unseeing stare.

“Not as much as me,” August said sadly, taking a seat between the two of them.

“You’ve been an akuma too?  Christ, you’re still a baby!” Jason exclaimed loudly.

“I’m not a baby!” August cried out.

“You were when you were first akumatized.” Manon pointed out.

August shrunk in on himself.  “It’s okay August.” Manon reassured him, pulling him into a side hug.  “I swear there are more people who have been akumatized than haven’t been and it’s not like you’ve been akumatized that many times.”

“More than you.” He said sadly.

“Well yeah, but not like M. Pigeon numbers.” She rolled her eyes at him. “Or is it M. Rat now?”

“Rat for a while before he stopped getting akumatized.” August confirmed.  “I liked him.  He was fun to watch.”

“Wait, wait, wait.  Just hold up a second.  There’s a guy that turns into a pigeon or rat that has been turned into an akuma dozens of times?”  Jason asked shaking his head.  What the hell kind of demented Disney movie was going on here?

“No, he controls the pigeons or rats.  He is a big animal lover and anytime he thinks someone is abusing the animals, he gets upset.  Like really upset.  Akumatization level upset.  Really nice guy normally.”  Manon explained calmly.

Jason nodded thinking over what she had said, so more Steven King than Disney. “How many kids have become akumas?” Jason asked a bit scared of the answer.

“How young are you looking for?  August was the youngest, he was like what 6 months old when you first got akumatized?” She looked over to him for confirmation. August shrugged.  “I was about his age when I first got akumatized.  He doesn’t go for kids as often as adults, but he doesn��t avoid us.  I don’t think.  Maybe this is holding back.  How would we know?”  As she spoke her eyes got darker and darker, anger starting to show through her detached façade.

“Holy fu…” he looked down at August and immediately clamped his mouth shut.  “Uh… that sounds… traumatic.”

Manon let out a loud scoff.  “Not nearly as traumatic as living through the other side of it.”  Jason looked at her curiously, encouraging her to say more. “Most kids I know have died at least once.  They’ve lost a parent right in front of them, some while they were holding them. They’ve lost friends, watched them die or get hurt.  Most have experienced all three.”  

Jason watched her eyes take on a haunted look as she spoke.  “And if you’ve been akumatized more than once it’s like people are just waiting for you to get akumatized again.  Put them through that again.”

“Yeah.”  August agreed quietly.  His whole body seemed to collapse in on itself in guilt.  Just looking at him hurt Jason.  All he wanted was to bring his mood back up.

“Not everyone though, right?  Marinette seems to like you.” Jason reassured him.

“Yeah, she likes me.  But that’s Marinette she likes everyone.”  August waved him off.

“Pft, not everyone.” Manon scoffed quietly.  Jason raised his eyebrow at that.  He’d have to ask Marinette about it later.  She didn’t seem the type to dislike people enough that a random kid would know about who she liked or didn’t.  He knew she had an issue with Constantine… and apparently Batman, who didn’t though, and the rest of the Gotham vigilantes… and the entire Justice League… okay, maybe it made sense that the kid would pick up on some things.

Instead, he turned back to August.  “Maybe, but she seems to like you.  She must really think you’re a good kid.  I mean she was sneaking you treats at the counter.  I’m sure she doesn’t do that for just anyone.”

Manon whipped her head to August.  August almost jumped when she yelled at him, “She gives you treats?”

<><><><><> 

“How do we always end up down here?”  Chat whined eyeing a patch of slick green something oozing down the sewer walls.

“Lucky I guess.  It’s where we do our best work after all.  We have a pretty good track record down here.” Ladybug quipped without looking up from the map display on her yoyo.  “We need to take a left up here.  We’re getting close.”

“You think it’s going to work this time?” Chat breathed out.  He had faith in their teammates but he knew Bee was not working on full capacity. She took the failure hard.  She would fight hard, but when Chloe doubted herself, it took a while to build her confidence back up.  And he couldn’t help.  He was stuck down in the sewers only able to hear their reports.  If anything happened, he and Ladybug wouldn’t be able to do anything or even know what happened.

“I have faith.  Our team can do this and they will.  Bee always rises to the challenge.” She assured him as though she could read his true concern.  

“Mirage.” They heard Rena say over the coms.

“Tunnel is up.” Carapace reported.

“Rena and I are going in.  You guys close or are we going to have to buy time for you slowpokes?” Bee asked.

Ladybug rolled her eyes at Chat but smiled along with him.  Bee was snarking at them.  That was a good sign.  “We’re close. Don’t wait on us.  We’d hate to hold you guys back.”

“We’re good enough to pick up your slack.” Bee quipped, the accompanying hair flip evident in her tone.

“Right behind you on 3.” Rena paused before counting down.  “3, 2, 1, and go.”

Chat shook his head and took a deep breath. It would be fine.  They would get the job done.  Alya and Chloe might fight like sisters but they defended each other like sisters too.  They would have each other’s backs and together they were a force to be reckoned with. His anxiety would lessen significantly if he could just see what was happening.  It was the being in the dark that made it all so much worse.

Chat and Ladybug made their way toward Carapace’s tracker in a tense silence, hands flinching towards their coms every time a grunt or groan or squawk came over the coms.  Their footsteps hesitated when they heard Chloe whisper venom.  Ladybug glanced back to him.  They both took another deep breath and nodded to each other. Things were about to happen and they needed to be prepared.  They were close to Carapace’s tracker already but moved with more urgency to close the gap.

“We’re here.” Ladybug reported over the coms.

“Working on it.” Bee grunted.

“Behind you!” Rena screamed.  They heard some more grunting and the second tracker appear on the yoyo and baton screens.

“We got her, Rena.  Go help Bee.” Ladybug ordered.  “Ready, Chat?”  She braced herself and settled into a battle ready position when Chat nodded at her and moved closer to the spot on his screen.

“Black hole,” he whispered.  Speaking at full voice seemed irreverent in the quiet darkness of the sewer.  He took a deep breath and took a running start.  He planted his baton, extending it as he rose in the air.  The highest point of the arc hit exactly where the tracker marked.  He touched the ceiling as he sailed by, allowing his magic to create a large hole that went through to the street above.  He landed with a roll.  He pivoted as soon as he came to a stop, holding his own battle ready position, ready to pounce the moment he caught sight of Stormy.

He didn’t have to wait.  Before he had even pivoted Stormy was already in sight, falling toward the sewer water.  Chat jumped at her reaching to grab her umbrella before she could start another tornado down there.  In their confined area, a tornado would be too strong and there would be no place to hide.

Stormy pulled her umbrella out of his reach just as he was about to lay his fingers on it.  She held it above her head, giving him an irate look.  “Stupid cat!  Did you think that is all it would take to defeat me?” She sneered.

She jerked back in shock as a yoyo wrapped around the umbrella and yanked it from her hands.  “Yes, yes we did.” Ladybug responded with a self-satisfied smirk as the umbrella landed in her hands.

“NO,” Stormy screeched.  She reached out for the umbrella but fell to the floor instead when Ladybug broke the umbrella and a little purple and black akuma fluttered out of it.

“No more evil doing for you little akuma. Time to de-evilize.” Ladybug twirled her yoyo around in a circle a few times and threw it up to capture the akuma. Ladybug pulled the yoyo back to her and opened it again, allowing the now white butterfly to flutter out harmlessly. “Bye, bye little butterfly.”  She waved peacefully at the butterfly.

While Ladybug was purifying the akuma, Chat ran over to Aurora.  “Hey, Aurora. How are you doing?  Are you okay?” He asked looking at her with concern. Aurora was a good person to begin with and had a fairly good temperament.  She had been taking classes on how to control her temper on top of that, so whatever happened it must have been pretty bad.

Aurora looked around in a daze and held her head for a few seconds before she could respond.  “Chat Noir?” She examined his face for a few moments to confirm it was him. She looked around until she saw Ladybug releasing the purified akuma.  Her shoulders slumped and her face fell.  “Oh no,” she whispered to the ground.  “I did it again didn’t I?” She looked up at Chat with pained eyes.  Chat gave her a sympathetic smile and rubbed her back.  “How bad this time?” she looked back to the ground again trying to brace for the answer.

“I’m not sure.  It was a few tornadoes but it could have been a lot worse.” He gave her a side hug when he saw some tears fall down her cheeks.  

“We got the amok tied up, Ladybug.” Rena reported. “And you might want to hurry and find the item, Bee got hit this time and worse than I did.”

Chat looked up at Ladybug.  She looked at him questioningly.  He looked over Aurora, trying to find anything that stood out. When he didn’t see anything, he looked through her bag.  His eyes lit up when he saw what he was looking for.  He grabbed the kite and threw it over to Ladybug.

Ladybug looked at Chat questioningly.  He nodded to her letting her know he would handle Aurora for now and meet her up top.  She made a motion with the kite, letting him know she would purify it topside, so Aurora didn’t have to see it.

Once Chat nodded in silent understanding, Ladybug nodded back and spoke into the coms. “Got it.  We’ll be right there.”

Chat leaned in closer to Aurora and lowered his voice conspiratorially, “Personally, I think you might have been holding back. We both know you could have done far, far worse but you didn’t.  That takes a lot of strength.”

She looked up at him with wide eyes.  “You really think so?”  Hope permeated her voice and expression.

Chat smiled at her.  “Yeah, I do.  I think you were trying to give us a clue about where the amok was as well.”  She looked up at him with wide eyes.  

“There was an amok too, huh?”  She gave him a weak, guilt laden smile.  “Guess I should have expected that by now.”  

“Yeah, but we took care of it.  Now, ready to get back topside?”  She gave him a weak smile and nodded.  “Okay, hold on.”  He grabbed her into a princess hold and jumped through the hole, using his baton to give him more height.

As soon as they landed, they heard Ladybug call out “Miraculous Ladybug.”  He let out a relieved breath and turned back to Aurora who was watching the miraculous ladybugs swarming throughout the city fixing all the damage with an apologetic look.

Rena joined them with a sympathetic smile for Aurora.  “Hey, Aurora. Sorry this happened to you.  You are a good person.  We know you would never have wanted this.  You didn’t deserve this.  You are a victim too.”  She gave Aurora a hug.

Aurora pulled back and looked at both of them with a smile that was a little stronger than the last one.  “Thank you and thank you for saving me.”

Rena gave her a smile.  The rest of the team came up behind Rena, all smiling at Aurora, except Bee who leaned against a recently returned car and examined her nails. “We done here or what?”

Ladybug scowled at her and turned back to Aurora. “Do you need a ride to your next destination?”

Aurora shook her head.  “No, I’ll walk.  Thank you though.  I think I need the space to process.”

The team smiled at her and nodded in understanding. Aurora waved to them and walked toward her office.

Chat looked at Ladybug with a grin on his face.  “Hey m’lady, ask me how I think we did today.”

Ladybug groaned.  She knew that look.  That was never a good look.  She knew she was going to regret it but she couldn’t deny him this simple pleasure, something to bring his mood back up.  “Okay Chat, how do you think we did today?”

His grin grew even wider and his eyes lit up with excitement that she was willing to play along.  “I was blown away by our performance.”  He started laughing at his own joke.  Ladybug groaned even louder and hid her face in her hands, but Bee smacked him upside the head hard enough for his head to jerk forward making him laugh even harder.

“Thank you!” Rena groaned.

“What are you guys doing now?”  Ladybug asked suddenly nervous.

“Meeting at the hotel?” Bee shrugged.

“Meeting at the office in… crap 12 minutes.” Chat groaned.  “I need to go.”

“Homework,” Rena and Carapace said at the same time.

“Okay, are you guys free tonight to talk?” Ladybug asked.

They looked at each other uneasily.  “About what?” Rena asked suspiciously.  

Ladybug grimaced and clasped her hands together, swinging them in front of her a few times.  “I have to go, LB.  Spit it out.” Chat urged her.

“Red Hood found me today.  Me, me.”  They turned suddenly serious, all straightening their stances.  

“How bad is it?” Carapace asked.

“Not bad, I don’t think.  We can discuss it tonight when you have more time.  I don’t think the rest of the family knows, just him. But we have things to discuss.” Ladybug confirmed.

“I need to leave now or I won’t be able to get out tonight.  See you guys at 9.”  Chat called over his shoulder as he vaulted away.

“You heard the cat, we’ll talk at 9.” Carapace declared.  “See you then.”  He and Rena jumped away together.

Bee looked at her and shook her head. “Unbe-fucking-lievable.  Only you.”

Ladybug sighed and gave her a guilty look, “Sorry.”

“Sorry my exquisite ass.  Knowing you this is going to be exactly what we need and it will be over in a few months like some kind of cosmic Lucky Charm and all because you got one of the most eligible bachelors in the world tottering after you like a lovesick puppy.”  Ladybug’s jaw dropped as she watched Bee jump away.

“He is not tottering after me!  But you are right, it is exquisite.”  Ladybug yelled after her.  

Bee turned her head to yell over her shoulder. “Of course I’m right… about both parts. Now go give him a kiss and ask him if he has any hot, rich, kinky friends for me.”

Chapter 9

  Tags:

@loveswifi @mystery-5-5 @dreamykitty25 @ira-sairain @wannajointhecrabcult @susiej1118 @casual-darkness @mandy984 @darkthunder1589 @chez-pezeater @emilytopaz @elements1999 @mermaidreject @dramatic-squirrel @thenillabean @alysrose-starchild @phoenixperegrinebitch @nickristus-dreamer @goblinwhoships @valeks-princess @redscarlet95 @inarachi02 @unrepentantgeek @theymakeupfairies @smolplantmum @moongoddesskiana @thehufflepuffranger-blog @fusser90 @spyofthenightcourt @jayverca @animegirlweeb @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm @consumeconstantly @lozzybowe @novicevoice @random-fandoms7 @acoolspacegirl @laurcad123 @dast218 @frieddonutsweets @maribat-is-lifeblood @g-arya @fantasiame @lilkymilky @corabeth11 @roselynfey @babylovebug18 @pepelachanel @atramentias @jalaluvsu @nathleigh @iloontjeboontje @spicybelladonna @kokotaru @zalladane @zebrabaker @bee-wrecker @too0bsessedformyowngood @demonicbusiness   @our-preciousss @ertyzeta  @nik-nak-3 @i-wanna-be-a-ninja @no-username2544 @2confused-2doanything @maybe-nonsense @icebluedolphin2365 @fc-studios

[honeysorwell]

(a very unprofessional) game changer

Pairing: Audrey Tidall x fem!Reader x Diane Sherman

Summary: Audrey Tidall ends up conquering the role of the protagonist in the expected film that marks the great director and screenwriter Diane Sherman return to the film market, Run, that the blonde one desired really much. The filmmaker has only managed to return now since she left her job almost twenty years ago to take care of her daughter. She has no real plans other than finishing the film that will mark her return, but her nonpeaceful coexistence with Audrey during the filming, along with the loneliness that consumes her personal life ends up instigating an unexpected affection - and that grows every day - for Y/N, the costume designer for Run.

What Diane did not expect, when giving Y/N anonymously flowers during the recording months, is that the costume designer has been in a secret relationship for more than months with Audrey. However, the feeling of indifference and disdain that the director feels for the actress gradually dies after a heated argument between the two, leaving an unnamed tension in the air, while Y/N searches for her secret admirer with her girlfriend.

[gif by @sapphiclesbian​ ]

[gif by @cherry-jimin] 

A/N: I was extremely surprised when I posted You rush into my life, stay a little while (I know that we can have it all), and in less than a month I got +50likes (after all I barely know how to use tumblr and I discovered these days how and where to look at the followers that I have lol). And thanks to that, I will use (a very unprofessional) game changer as a social experiment, to see if you guys really like what I write, and if the answer is also positive, I will open requests to write things in my free time. And yes, my first language is not English so maybe something might sound strange.

I had this idea as soon as Run was released, thanks to Diane's passion for films... And since Audrey is an actress, I thought it would be good to combine these two...

I can say that this is a big AU because Diane is a lovely mother, and no one from Roanoke dies (because I don't have time to develop any of this shit).

Hope you all like it!

Synopsis of the story + Chapter 1 ,  Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4 , Chapter 5 , Chapter 6 , Chapter 7 , Chapter 8 , Chapter 9 , Chapter 10 (final one)

Chapter 1

Chapter’s summary: Audrey and Y/N get to know each other thanks to Diane, and even though they are about to start recording Run, they decide that it is worthwhile to continue with their relationship. Even if secretly.

Warnings: In this chapter at least, none. Just implicit mentions of smut, it's not really something!  

Word Count: 1,2k

In theory, when someone wins an award as important as The Saturn, their career between movies becomes more likely to invitations to productions. Films, miniseries, or even theatrical productions. But that didn't happen with Audrey.

There was a voice in her head that said it was thanks to her age. But since none of the actors in Roanoke's cast, especially women, were so different in this aspect, Audrey continued to ignore that voice.

Everything was relatively ready for the British woman to participate in Return to Roanoke: Three Days in Hell, however after her breakup with Rory, the blonde one preferred to focus on something new. She quickly fell in love with him, but when the red-haired man asked about marriage, everything was clear to Audrey. Their paths and thoughts were so different, even with the significant feeling between them, that it was better to break their love relationship before their friendship was affected. And this was what she did.

It was audacious. Refuse a proposal for the same program that gave her fame and awards, to audition for a new film that she barely knew would happen. Some people would call her crazy, but the email she received from her agent was enough to give her courage.

Or rather, four words from that email. Directed by Diane Sherman was what caught her attention and prompted her to try to venture out to take the test.

She can still remember. Years ago, while she was still fighting for a minor role in any theatrical production in England, Diane Sherman was already acclaimed worldwide for the grandiose films with unexpected endings that she produced, even at a young age.

All the films of the woman with a reddish tone between her brunette hair strands became hits. But in the midst of it all, Diane decided to take a break from her career, and less than five months later, a pregnancy was announced.

After that, twenty years passed and no film was released, no interview, no magazine cover. Such a gloriously famous woman disappeared from everyone's view with her baby. But only up to now.

That test was probably the one that tired Audrey the most in her entire career. To portray in a few minutes the pain of the life of a woman who is obsessed with her daughter to the point of making her sick was difficult. But she did, and so, while her former co-stars were locking themselves up in a seemingly haunted mansion, she was getting a call from her agent saying that she got the lead role.

Everything worked well when the blonde received her script and started working with Diane on how they would like this character to be seen by the audience, but as the conversations flowed, Audrey understood why all of the woman's films were such a success. She was a perfectionist and her authority was clear.

Everything needed to be perfect. Including the costume.

And so Audrey met Y/N. A beautiful costume designer with so much talent to spare to the world.

The first time they saw each other, Diane was not present, after all, it was just a date to take Audrey's body measurements. As the story was about a housewife, movable and comfortable clothes had to be designed, which did not force Audrey to strip naked to have her measurements known by Y/N, even if an unprofessional part of her wanted to.

Quick encounters followed, some with Diane briefly present, just to define new color palettes or to approve and disapprove something. The director never stayed more than twenty minutes with the two women, but thanks to Y/N's perseverance, in producing everything exactly as Diane wished, and Audrey's free time, due to her mind being ease in memorizing lines and just a few friendships outside England, the two woman became relatively close.

When the costumes were all designed and in the final process of being made, Diane decided that she would like Audrey's hair to be longer. Some wig tests took place, but a joint decision was made.

The film would be postponed in five months from there, so that the blonde's hair would grow.

It was frustrating, to say the least, and maybe that was the trigger for Audrey's disapproval with Diane, but one thing was good. The time now acquired has started to be spent on Y/N.

Always at discreet lunches or afternoon teas in their homes...

Y/N thinks it might be extremely inappropriate and absolutely unprofessional to get personally involved with a co-worker, even outside the set, and even though their work on Diane's film was relatively distant. But, after many glasses of wine and random conversations, nothing made more sense to Y/N than Audrey's lips against hers.

A one-night stand. That was what they thought they were born to be. But the skin on Audrey's stomach was so smooth that Y/N didn't know if she wanted to kiss her until she moaned or laughed, confused as she tried to understand which one of the sounds was the actual responsible for her heart beating faster.

A one-night stand. Because Audrey didn't feel ready to start a relationship after such a recent breakup. But there was nothing more beautiful than Y/N's face full of pleasure while she was being touched, or her face concentrated on redoing a crooked seam, even if she was the only one that noticed the defect in the piece.

A one-night stand. That turned into two, three, ten, thirty... and when they noticed, Audrey's hair was long enough for the film to start recording and their mind was unconsciously bought each other's favorite foods at the supermarket.

And on one of those nights, when they were both lying on Y/N's bed and Audrey was drawing imaginary flowers on the bare skin of her right hip, a whisper escaped the actresses lips:

"I don't want this to end because we are going to work together... Does that make me unprofessional?", The moment the question escapes her lips, she raises her face towards Y/N and looks deeply into her eyes.

"Well ...", the costume designer starts and stops, distracted by the beauty of Audrey's brown eyes and a lock of her hair - now longer - that is hindering the Y/N view of the blonde's cheeks, but that soon puts the hair strands behind her ear and continues - "Count me in because I don't want this to end either..."

It is a smile so beautiful that it takes hold of Audrey's lips, that the courage to take possession of Y / N's body and one more phrase escapes her lips.

"I think I'm in love with you."

The word think sounds so low, it's like it's not even there. Because Y/N's mind knows that she is sure, even scared and that is why Y/N's eyes focus on the whole room, except the face in front of her. Until delicate fingers touch her chin and direct her to see brown eyes bathed in tears, amid the same glorious smile of seconds ago.

"And I don't know how you didn't notice that I fell in love with you too."

And so they come to an agreement. Nothing will be explicit while they are on set. At work, they will be just friends, close friends if the distance wraps their stomachs, but still, just friends.

For the sake of their reputations, their jobs, and the Diane Sherman film they will be just friends.

[melanielocke]

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 9

AO3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite

Curious question: why do you think the creature Benedict owed a debt to chose Jesse over Thomas?

‘Why is Mario Kart so difficult?’ Cordelia groaned.

‘It’s not difficult, you just need to play more often,’ Lucie said.

Alastair and Cordelia hadn’t really grown up playing video games, and Lucie had discovered both sucked at playing Mario Kart. Lucie was typically more of a Legend of Zelda fan, but they couldn’t play that together, so she’d suggested Mario Kart instead.

They spent most of their time in and around the house, taking the occasional walk. Lucie hadn’t seen Jesse again, despite searching for him, nor had they gotten any closer to discovering what was going on. They’d visited the ruins of a castle nearby one day, but it hadn’t worked as a distraction. Steve’s body had been found and the lake was open for swimming again, but Lucie wasn’t sure she wanted to. What had happened to the child could easily happen to them.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever get good at this,’ Cordelia said as she drove her kart of the track again.

If anything, Lucie was glad to be able to spend more time with Cordelia, even under such circumstances. Lucie still had no plan on how to tell Cordelia how she really felt, but then neither did Thomas have one for Alastair despite their daily walks and obvious affection on Alastair’s side. Alastair was mostly with the Lightwoods, trying to get into Gideon’s memory and find out what Benedict really had been up to.

‘This is nothing. James and I used to play Mario Kart on the wii and I think that version of Rainbow Road is the most difficult track they ever made.’

‘I don’t think I want to know,’ Cordelia announced.

Cordelia checked her phone once they’d finished the race and scrolled through several messages.

‘Alastair said they haven’t figured out yet what creature Benedict made a deal with, but Thomas went into the village to the grocery store and there he saw his aunt Tatiana,’ Cordelia said.

Lucie checked her phone for any additional messages, but she’d received the same messages. Thomas apparently had made a Whatsapp group titled ‘Making sure I don’t die’ where they were writing out all the information they had. He’d made a secondary group called ‘spam’ without their parents in there where they could talk about things that weren’t essential or make plans, to keep the other group clean. Lucie guessed that made sense. Cordelia changed the name of the first group to “Essential information to save Thomas”.

‘That’s a better name,’ Lucie commented out loud.

‘Exactly,’ Cordelia said. ‘Now we have one place we dump all useful information and can easily find everything, with a fitting name.’

‘I wonder why Tatiana would be here,’ Lucie said. ‘Thomas seeing her and Jesse appearing after years, that can’t be a coincidence. Perhaps Jesse is wherever she’s staying, perhaps there I could talk to him.’

‘Would she let you in though?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Probably not,’ Lucie said, but she had an idea. ‘We could break in.’

‘We don’t even know where she’s staying,’ Cordelia pointed out. ‘That is a terrible idea.’

‘Uncle Gideon is looking into where she’s staying right now,’ Lucie said. ‘Perhaps if he finds out where she is, we can go take a look. In the meantime though…’

‘Please no more Mario Kart,’ Cordelia begged.

Lucie ended up introducing Cordelia to Legend of Zelda after all, opting to watch her play through the beginning of Breath of the Wild. It was clear Cordelia wasn’t used to gaming at all, but she did seem to enjoy it, even if she fell off several cliffs and died a few times because she didn’t remember in time which button was for attacking.

Lucie regularly checked her phone, until Thomas texted her his father had returned, and had found Tatiana. Apparently she was staying at a hotel, but had gotten very angry when she’d seen her brother. Lucie wondered if she knew they were all staying here. It seemed too much of a coincidence.

She googled the hotel Thomas had named and realized she’d seen it on the drive here. There was a restaurant downstairs, and Lucie figured that might be a way in. They had several vegan options too. If she and Cordelia had dinner there, they might be able to sneak inside the hotel itself. Getting inside a room without making too much noise could prove challenging though. Although Cordelia carried cortana and that sword was said to be able to cut through anything. Perhaps she could cut into a lock. That’d be suspicious when Tatiana found out, but she didn’t know about cortana, did she?

‘I have a plan,’ Lucie announced. ‘We’re going to have dinner at the restaurant of the hotel Tatiana is staying.’

‘Do you think Jesse will show up in the middle of a restaurant?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Not really,’ Lucie said. ‘But from there we can sneak into the hotel, and break into Tatiana’s room.’

Cordelia frowned. ‘And if we get caught? We could get in serious trouble.’

Lucie had to admit Cordelia had a point. Neither of them were skilled at breaking in.

‘If we’re only in the corridor, we could always say we got lost,’ Lucie speculated.

‘I’m not so sure they would believe me,’ Cordelia said. ‘Although if you go without me, perhaps you could claim you were looking for a bathroom. Still, going there without actually breaking in anywhere might be a good idea to get a sense of the place, see if anything unusual is going on simply because Tatiana’s there.’

Lucie understood why Cordelia wasn’t willing to take such risks, they were a lot less likely to believe she’d simply gotten lost as a woman of color. She had to admit, her plan was a bit reckless, so perhaps it was a good thing Cordelia was here to talk some sense into her. Still, Lucie was determined to find a way to speak to Jesse. Who knew, maybe he would show up at the restaurant if his mother was there. Or perhaps not, perhaps he haunted the woods instead. Ghosts were nothing if not inconsistent.

‘Good point,’ Lucie said. ‘I don’t think my mother would be very happy if we broke in either.’

‘Alastair would murder us,’ Cordelia added.

‘Good thing he’s with Thomas,’ Lucie said, and she texted to Thomas that he should invite Alastair over for dinner. Lucie wasn’t so sure he would without some encouragement even if he very much wanted Alastair to stay.

Lucie wondered if Thomas was making any progress with him, perhaps that was difficult considering the circumstances. On the other hand, if Lucie had learnt anything from her favorite books was that a crisis was the perfect time to find love. What could possibly be more romantic than Alastair saving Thomas’ life? Lucie thought for a moment and then texted Thomas again.

Lucie: Have you kissed him yet?

Thomas: No, of course not. I don’t even know if he likes me!!!

Lucie: You could ask.

Lucie knew she was being hypocritical, she hadn’t yet told Cordelia how she felt about her. However, Thomas’ chances with Alastair were much better than her chances with Cordelia. Alastair was openly gay and Lucie had caught him staring at Thomas with both affection and desire.

Thomas: How am I supposed to do that???

Thomas: I did invite him over for dinner though. He accepted and my parents are very happy that he did.

Lucie: Time to make your move (;

‘Alastair is staying with Thomas for dinner,’ Lucie said.

‘I’m glad they’re spending time together,’ Cordelia said. ‘Alastair has so few friends. For most of his life he only knew how to antagonize people or push them away.’

‘Yes, he and Thomas seem to like each other,’ Lucie said. ‘Alastair broke up with his boyfriend not so long ago, right?’

‘He did, but maybe don’t mention that in his presence,’ Cordelia said. ‘It was a very bad and unhealthy relationship and Alastair is still struggling with coming to terms with that. He doesn’t often want to talk about it, and only on his terms.’

Lucie imagined that might make it more difficult for him and Thomas. In her favorite books, a good relationship usually fixed any trauma from a previous bad one, but she knew that in real life that wasn’t the case. Of course, in books it wasn’t uncommon for the new “better” relationship to still be pretty toxic, with the main difference that it was unintentional on the author’s part and therefore never acknowledged.

Lucie herself had made such mistakes in her own stories before, writing relationships she later realized were very toxic. In her early teens people would always tell her boys were mean to her because they liked her and she’d believed that until she’d discussed that with her mother, who disagreed.

‘I’m sorry that happened to him,’ Lucie said.

‘Yes, me too,’ Cordelia said. ‘Wait, do you think Alastair likes Thomas? Is that why you keep trying to get them to spend time together?’

‘At least I think they would be good friends, since they have such similar interests,’ Lucie said. ‘But it’s definitely possible Alastair likes Thomas. I wouldn’t blame him, Thomas is a sweet guy and has nice shoulders. Legendary shoulders, in fact.’

Cordelia started laughing. ‘Legendary shoulders.’

‘Precisely. As a lesbian, I can be very objective when it comes to men’s shoulders.’

Cordelia frowned, but Lucie insisted that made perfect sense. Since she didn’t feel attracted to men or fall in love with them, she had a very objective view and didn’t play favorites with the ones she did like.

‘A year ago I might have favored James,’ Cordelia mused. ‘I don’t think we were well suited though.’

Lucie loved her brother, and they’d always gotten along well, but James could be an idiot. She understood James didn’t like Alastair considering their history, but he simply didn’t understand that he should not bring Cordelia, who loved her brother and worried for him, into their history and that he shouldn’t say bad things about him in Cordelia’s presence. Perhaps Cordelia and James might have worked out better if their complicated feelings towards Alastair weren’t in the way. Alastair was Cordelia’s brother and James should have respected that.

‘Perhaps not,’ Lucie said. ‘I’m glad you can still be around each other though, and aren’t ready to murder each other at any given time like some exes. That would have been awkward.’

‘He apologized, a few months after we broke up. A bit late, but I think all your advice finally got through,’ Cordelia said. ‘I don’t resent him, and I understand why he doesn’t like Alastair, but next time I date anyone it will be someone who at least can be polite to brother.’

Lucie was fairly certain she could meet that criteria. She understood that Alastair hadn’t always been the best, but he had rescued her from bullies several times when he’d gone to school with her. If it was out of guilt towards James, or loyalty to Cordelia, Lucie wasn’t sure but she was grateful to him either way.

‘You have anyone in mind?’ Lucie asked, hoping there wasn’t anyone.

‘Not right now. James’ friend Matthew asked me out not so long ago, but I don’t think I like him that way. Besides, that would have guaranteed the same drama with Alastair, and now that I know what my brother has been through it’s hurtful to hear people say bad things about him. With James, I often let it slide because I often just didn’t want to argue or was scared he wouldn’t like me anymore, but he took that as me agreeing with him and giving him permission to complain as much as he liked.’

Lucie asked her father about her and Lucie having dinner in the village, claiming that way he and her mother could have some romantic alone time. That argument usually worked well on her father, along with Lucie promising she could pay for the meal herself, which her father claimed wasn’t necessary, he’d give her some money.

Her father even offered to drive her. It was a bit of a walk to the village but it was doable and the restaurant was on the side of the town where they’d enter, so Lucie decided she didn’t want to trouble her father.

Lucie changed into a longer red dress with a cardigan tied around her waist so she could put it on when it became too cold for short sleeves, and then she and Cordelia left, walking to the village.

They both kept their eyes open as they walked, although if there was something out there, without Thomas they wouldn’t be guaranteed to see it. Still, their chances of seeing something were better than those of the average mortal. There were no ghosts or other strange creatures to be seen though.

The restaurant wasn’t too busy, which was good because Lucie never did well in loud, busy places. They found a nice table in the corner from which Lucie could keep her eye on everything. Tatiana wasn’t in the restaurant. Would she recognize Lucie after all these years? She’d grown quite a bit and cut her hair after all.

Lucie ordered the vegan burger and Cordelia a curry. Eating vegan in Scotland was surprisingly easy nowadays, and many restaurants offered at least one vegan option. Lucie always made sure to check beforehand though. She knew at some places it was possible to ask for something vegan, but she didn’t want to go through that kind of trouble and risk having waiters not understand what she could and couldn’t eat.

They had almost finished their food by the time they saw Tatiana, Cordelia stealing the occasional chip from her plate. She came down from the stairs, glancing around. She didn’t seem to notice Lucie though. She was wearing a gray hat that resembled a witch hat, except less tall, and decorated with feathers in several colors. There was a girl behind her who matched the description Thomas had given. Around sixteen, very pretty in an unearthly way. Her hair was pale silvery blonde, Lucie didn’t think she’d ever seen anyone with hair naturally that color.

She trailed after Tatiana, a helpless look on her face. Lucie wondered if she wanted to be here, and who she was. Thomas had said they couldn’t make sense of her and weren’t sure if she was mortal or not. Lucie didn’t know either.

There was someone else trailing behind Tatiana though. Jesse was there, but he was leaving, following Tatiana. Lucie put the last bite of food into her mouth and quickly handed Cordelia the money her father had given her.

‘What are you doing?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Jesse is there,’ she said. ‘I’m going after him. Can you pay the bill with this? It should be plenty.’

Cordelia didn’t have time to protest as Lucie slipped out and went after Tatiana, making sure to keep a decent distance. Tatiana didn’t look around much, and Lucie didn’t think she’d been stopped. She tried to get Jesse’s attention, but he wasn’t looking back either. Tatiana left the village, following a path that led into the woods. Lucie didn’t want to follow her all the way along, not knowing where she’d end up, but she needed to speak with Jesse.

She quickly checked her phone, Cordelia had texted. She’d paid the bill and was outside, where was she? Lucie texted her live location and returned her attention to Tatiana, who kept a steady pace. The blonde girl did look back, and when her eyes went wide Lucie realized she’d been spotted. She ducked behind the tree, keeping her eyes on what happened in front, but the girl didn’t say anything and Tatiana didn’t turn around to confront her. If only Jesse would spot her and come talk.

Lucie continued following them, hoping Jesse would spot her. The blonde girl saw her once more, and gestured quickly, a worried look on her face. Lucie interpreted it as go away, you’re getting yourself in trouble. She knew what she was doing was dangerous, but with Thomas’ life possibly on the line, Lucie was going to take some risks. At least following someone into the woods wasn’t illegal. She wondered why the blonde girl was helping her. Lucie didn’t think she wanted to help Tatiana.

And why was Jesse following his mother? Could she see him, or was he trying to get her attention? When the blonde girl gestured to her a second time, Jesse finally noticed her. He glanced around at his mother and then made his way to her at top speed.

‘Lucie, what are you doing?’ he hissed.

‘Finally,’ she said. ‘I’ve been trying to get your attention. I need to talk to you.’

‘I need you to get out of the woods,’ Jesse said. ‘It’s dangerous here, alright?’

‘What is your mother up to? Who is that girl?’

‘Her name is Grace, that’s all I know. I think my mother might be blackmailing her somehow, I don’t think she wants to be here.’

‘Where have you been all these years?’ Lucie asked. ‘I never saw you before. I thought you’d moved on to the afterlife.’

‘I don’t know,’ Jesse said. ‘I don’t remember anything between dying and a few days ago. And I disappear all the time and have no idea where I go. I wanted to talk to you in the woods, I’d finally made my way from the hotel, but then I disappeared.’

That wasn’t something Lucie had ever encountered before. ‘What is your mother doing?’

‘I think she’s trying to reverse what happened,’ Jesse said. ‘She doesn’t tell me her plans, but I think it’s all about me. She often goes into the woods to speak with something, but I can’t come along.’

‘And she can see you?’

‘Yes,’ Jesse said. ‘Grace can too. Other people can’t see me. None except you. Is it because we knew each other when I was alive?’

‘I’ve always seen ghosts,’ Lucie said. ‘When you died, I searched for you everywhere and when I didn’t find you, I believed you’d moved on. I’ve never heard of ghosts returning from where they went after death. Or ghosts randomly disappearing and not remembering.’

‘I don’t understand it either,’ Jesse said. ‘I don’t know what’s happening to me. All I know is I am dead and I can’t be sure for how long. You’ve grown so much, Lucie.’

Lucie frowned. ‘Do you remember dying?’

‘I remember the woods. I remember something stalking me, but I could only catch glimpses of something. I’d never been so scared in my life and I thought I needed to get home as fast as I could. But no matter what path I took, I ended up where I started. The creature stalking me never quite caught up. I spent days in the woods, looking for a way out, until I died of exhaustion.’

‘People searched. Did you not see them, or hear them?’

‘There was no one,’ Jesse said. ‘I screamed and screamed for someone to help me, but no one came, and then everything was gone.’

‘Jesse!’ called a strict female voice. Tatiana. ‘Jesse, come along now! You must not stray in these woods. Even for you it can be dangerous.’

‘I must go,’ Jesse whispered. ‘Do not follow me.’

Lucie nodded, and returned, following the path back until she was at the edge of the woods. She didn’t see Cordelia and checked her phone, where she found several missed calls and missed messages from her friend.

Lucie called back, and Cordelia immediately picked up. ‘Lucie, where are you!’ Cordelia yelled. ‘Never do that to me again.’

‘Didn’t you get my location?’ Lucie asked.

‘Stupid thing didn’t work, you kept jumping all over town and whenever I caught up you weren’t there. What have you been up to, you have been gone for an hour!’

‘No, that’s impossible,’ Lucie said. ‘It was ten, fifteen minutes max.’

‘I don’t know how you sense of time is, but it’s been an hour,’ Cordelia insisted. ‘Where are you now?’

‘At the edge of the forest. I’ll return to the restaurant, might be easier to find.’

‘Alright, I’ll see you there,’ Cordelia said. ‘Bye.’

Cordelia hung up and Lucie returned to the restaurant, where Cordelia was waiting.

‘I knew you were reckless, Lu,’ Cordelia said. ‘But please never do this again.’

‘It hasn’t been an hour,’ Lucie insisted. ‘It can’t have been.’

‘Check the time,’ Cordelia said. ‘You texted me your location shortly after you left, which was an hour ago.’

Lucie checked the time stamp on Cordelia’s texts and realized she was right.

‘But how?’ she asked. ‘I wasn’t gone for that long.’

‘Did you at least speak to Jesse?’ Cordelia asked.

‘For a little while. It was all very odd. Jesse had disappeared until recently, he doesn’t remember where he’s been and at times he still disappears. He thinks his mother is trying to reverse what happened, he’s not sure exactly but she’s up to dangerous things. She can see him, and that girl too. Jesse said her name was Grace, but he doesn’t know what she is. He thinks Tatiana is blackmailing her somehow.’ Lucie paused, her father was calling her.

‘It’s getting late, Lulu, are you and Cordelia still at the restaurant?’ he asked when she picked up.

‘No, we left, but we’re still in the village,’ Lucie said. ‘It’s a bit of a long story, I’ll explain when we get home.’

‘I’ll come pick you up,’ her father said. ‘It’s getting late. You can explain in the car.’

If he was upset, she didn’t hear it. Lucie had always been told she got her recklessness from her father, and it was usually her mother who got upset with her when she did something like this.

‘We’re still near the restaurant,’ Lucie said and she hung up. ‘My father is coming to pick us up.’

‘Is he mad?’ Cordelia asked.

Lucie shook her head. ‘My father never really gets mad with me.’

Cordelia tilted her head. ‘Mine doesn’t either, at least not with me. My mother is the one with a temper, usually. And Alastair. But I guess my father just wasn’t really there.’

Lucie imagined it had to be difficult to discover such a terrible secret about your father after loving him for so long, after not seeing there was something not right at home.

‘If I’d done what you just did and told my mother, she would murder me for sure,’ Cordelia said, with a small smile. ‘Being a strict parent isn’t really effective though, Alastair and I just learnt to lie well. But I know she means well.’

‘Then you won’t mind not mentioning I’d followed Tatiana on my own?’ Lucie asked. ‘Instead, we went into the woods together, I spoke with Jesse, and when we returned suddenly an hour had passed.’

‘Sure,’ Cordelia said. ‘Honestly, I think your father believes anything I say.’

‘He does have a weakness for the Carstairs family,’ Lucie said.

Her father’s best friend was Jem Carstairs, Cordelia’s cousin. Her father had decided that by association, Cordelia and Alastair had to be just as amazing as Jem was. Lucie guessed that weak spot for the Carstairs had its downsides as well. Her father had idolized Elias as well as the other Carstairs, and learning of his addiction and abuse of his children had been quite a shock for him. Lucie suspected her father felt guilty for not seeing it sooner, for not doing anything to help.

When her father arrived, Lucie and Cordelia quickly got into the car, and Cordelia recounted the story of them going for a short walk following Jesse when suddenly an hour had passed and Lucie added in what Jesse had told her.

‘I knew Tatiana was up to something,’ Will said. ‘Reversing what happened, does that refer to Jesse’s death?’

Lucie guessed it would make sense for a mother to want to bring her child back. She had done something already, to bring him from something he didn’t remember back into this world.

‘So if she were to bring back Jesse,’ Cordelia said. ‘Would that mean Thomas dies in exchange for his life?’

Will looked grim. ‘If Benedict owed someone the soul of a grandchild and that creature took Jesse, I’m guessing Tatiana might attempt to exchange Thomas for Jesse. But it’ll probably cost more than just Thomas.’

[missdawnandherdusk]

That Would Be Enough

Hufflepuff!Reader X Draco

Look at where you are

Look at where you started

The fact that you're alive is a miracle

Just stay alive, that would be enough

Chapter 1     Chapter 2    Chapter 3     Chapter 4     

Chapter 5     Chapter 6    Chapter 7    Chapter 8    

Chapter 9     Chapter 10

Summary: Dumbledore is dead and the pieces start to fall apart or in to place...

A/n: Okay guys, this is a great chapter because you get to look into the past and into the future and also you get to see the loose ends start to tie themselves... who’s ready for this to end soon? Not me, but at least I’m figuring out how I want to end it. Also, my postings will be a bit more sporadic because I’m in college and have a job and so writing, though still fun takes energy that I rarely possess...

I stood and Draco was beside me. I looked to him frantically, wondering what was next. What would be next for the two of us?

There was hardly a moment to think for ourselves because beside us, Snape apparated into the foyer, causing my to jump in panic, into Draco’s arms. The professor seemed to take the sight of the two of us in, and something soft and sad was in his eyes before he recovered.

“Are you to unharmed?” He asked curtly. We nodded mutely.

Then the thought ran through my mind, or perhaps I had finally allowed myself to think it.

The man in front of us was a murderer.

The man in front of us saved Draco’s innocence. Something that I couldn’t even do.

My mind begged the question: was Snape good? All I could find were grey answers.

“Is it done?” Narcissa’s voice caught all of our attention.

“Yes,” Snape retorted. “And I expect the Dark Lord to be here any moment, so if you’d like to flee Miss Y/n, now would be the time,”

“I’m not running,” I declared defiantly—foolishly.

A loud crack sounded through the large Manor, and the air grew cold and foreboding. Draco registered what was occurring before I did. He protectively pushed me behind him as many more Death Eaters appeared around us until black flooded the green marble floors. They were all shouting in victory. They were all laughing and grinning. Even behind their masks, it wasn’t hard to understand their pure joy about the death of Dumbledore.

My fingers gripped Draco’s cloak as I went numb, by choice or perhaps not. My mind shut down and had gone to autopilot. One look in Draco’s eyes and I knew that he had as well. His hand still found mine, however. That was one thing, even numb, that would never change. Narcissa came behind me, holding my shoulders—comfortingly or defensively, I wasn’t sure.

One thing broke Draco’s perfect mask and made Narcissa gasp in terror. The sight of Lucius. I could barely make out a clear image of his father, only the long silver blond hair that I knew well. On the cold ground, Lucius looked desperately to something—someone.

The Dark Lord.

I could not mistake this being for anyone else. The creature that haunted my dreams and plagued my reality. Not meters from me. His cruelty revealed everything.

I had never seen the Dark Lord happy, but a gruesome smile distorted his ghastly face. My grip on Draco’s hand was so tight that my nails dung into his skin. If I had control, I would have lessened the pressure, but the control no longer belonged to me. Instead it belonged to the beast in long dark robes with blood red eyes.

Words left his lips, but I had no power to listen. It wasn’t until other people acted upon me that I had any reaction to the events around me.

Draco held firmly to my arm and Narcissa to my shoulders, refusing to let me go. To let me be pulled into the circle of Death Eaters next to Lucius.

“Ah, ah,” The Dark Lord refuted gently. “Come, bring the girl,”

Narcissa’s hands left regretfully and Draco met my eyes, terrified before he let me go too.

I was shoved into the middle of the circle of Death Eaters, wand gripped tightly in my hand. Before me, I could finally see Lucius—looking more ghostly than I had ever seen him, frail and defenseless. A storm of emotions overwhelmed me. Anger overpowered the others. He had hurt so many of the ones I loved. Not fifteen years ago did he kill me father in the same room.

Maybe I’d have the pleasure of vengeance after all.

“A gift for you my dear,” Voldemort purred, as if to read my thoughts. “I heard you were marvelous in using the Cruciatus Curse on Precious Potter, and I wonder if you’d like to display you skills again?”

My eyes flashed from hallow grey eyes to vivid red ones.

“You want me to...” my voice wavered. My anger fizzled out.

“Well of course, you did aid dear Draco in his mission, and were quite marvelous, I thought it might only be fitting to reward you,” His false kindness eerily swept through me, leaving me in uncertain ground. “Just think of all of the hurt Lucius has caused you. He murdered your father, abused the one you love for years and still he kneels there on the ground loathing you,”

In my mind I saw the death of my father again. The fruitless pleas that fell from his lips. The bright green flash that ended his life.

Tears stung my eyes as my gaze fell upon Lucius again.

Then I saw a shade of Draco in those troubled grey eyes: The night of the third trial and the absolute dread in Draco’s eyes. The night of the ball as this man spoke coldly to him. The breakdown Draco had not a month later. The need for healing potions to be on hand. All because of the man before me.

My lip quivered as the tears fell silently. But then my memories shifted.

To Draco chasing after me at the ball. Or the day we first kissed that summer. Seeing him on the train. The day he defended me from Umbridge. Every smile and every tear. The nights when he broke and the days when he was put back together.

That was so much more valuable than my hatred for Lucius.

Then my eyes met Narcissa’s. They were frozen in shock and fear. I could see the desperate pleas in them to spare her husband’s life. A woman who went through two wars, desperate to keep her family together. Losing one sister to insanity and another to disownment. Losing a husband to hatred and a son to darkness. A woman who welcomed me with opened arms because she believed that I could pull her family back together, even for a little while. She had faith in me. In the kindness and goodness in me.

That was so much more valuable than my hatred for Lucius.

“Crucio,” I whispered, the spell taking no effect on the man before me.

“Like you mean it my dear!” The Dark Lord encouraged. “Let out all of your hatred and anger! Every wrongdoing, every lie, every injustice!”

“Crucio!” I called out louder and still there was little effect. The circle of Death Eaters around me snickered, mocking me.

“She has had a long day My Lord,” Snape spoke up. “Perhaps she will be better suited in the morning after a night’s rest,”

Voldemort’s blood red eyes peered at me, but I was at peace. There was no thought for him to have. My mind was plate glass. A reflection for him to gaze upon.

“Perhaps,” The Dark Lord echoed. “Take her out of my sight,”

Again, I was grabbed and thrown hastily out of the circle and into not Draco’s arms, but Narcissa’s. There were tears in her eyes and a kind smile on her face as she led me upstairs to Draco and my shared room.

“Thank you,” She wrapped me up tightly in a hug. “That was a kindness I didn’t deserve,”

“My love for you and Draco outshines any malice I have towards Lucius,” I whispered. “You’re my family, and family sticks together,”

She pressed a kiss to my forehead and cradled me close. Tears fell down her face as soft sobs wracked her frame. There was a knock on the door causing us both to jump. Narcissa wiped her eyes quickly and composed herself opening the door only to meet Snape.

“They’ve gone, he requires medical attention,” His voice was soft and curt.

Without hesitation, I rushed to Draco’s bathroom grabbing three vials: healing, thoughts, and anxiety. I brushed past Snape and Narcissa, heading down the stairs to where Draco was cradling his father, unshed tears in his eyes.

“Here,” I knelt beside him, uncorking the first vial.

Draco and I worked like a well-oiled machine as the potions took their affect onto his father. Some color returned to his deathly face. Snape and Narcissa both had their wands drawn, casting healing and protection spells of their own. Lucius’ breathing became steady and no longer did he look like a corpse. Though he looked aged, he looked human.

“Thank you,” Narcissa murmured, stroking Lucius’ hair from his face. “You two get to bed,” she ordered softly.

“Y/n,” Snape called before I ascended the stairs. “The Dark Lord will be waiting for you to torture Lucius. He will not let you fail in this attempt.”

“I... I can’t do it. I never wanted to do it in the first place to Harry,” I confessed, my voice rasping.

“You must.” Snape rose. “For the sake of your life and for Draco’s. This is a different game now.”

I nodded and took Draco’s hand, rushing up the stairs and into the safety of our room. Like his mother had, Draco wrapped me up into his arms and only then did I realize I was shaking rather violently. I didn’t feel panicked, but my body said otherwise.

“Thank you,” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “You were kind in ways that I never could have been,” It seemed that the only even that either of us could process at the moment had been the past few minutes.

“I couldn’t do it. Not when I looked in his eyes and saw you,” I whispered into his shoulder.

“What are you going to do?” He asked. “You... the Dark Lord isn’t going to...”

“I know,” I sighed. “I don’t know what to do. But I won’t cast another Unforgivable.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to leave,” his words held a softness as he cupped my face. “To keep you safe.”

“I can’t leave you here, Draco,” I refuted. “I won’t go. I have to show them I won’t be broken. I won’t let hatred win,”

“Do you understand how dangerous this is?” His words became curt. “You could be killed for showing any disloyalty.”

“I know, I know,” I dismayed. “But I won’t run. I won’t be a coward... and I have nowhere to go...” There was nowhere that I could go that I knew wouldn’t be a target or a suspect for hiding me.

Draco huffed and ran a hand through his hair anxiously.

“Okay,” He gave in. “We should get to bed,”

“Dray,” I groaned. “This is my path as much as it’s yours. Please don’t push me away.” 

“I’m just trying to keep you alive,”

“My life isn’t my own anymore. I’ll willingly die for the good,” As soon as the words left my mouth my thoughts flashed to my father. “That’s why he did it.” I marveled mostly to myself. “That’s why my father wasn’t afraid of death,”

Draco stroked my cheek softly, the warmth in his grey eyes proving that Lucius would never be the man that Draco was.

Silence fell over us. Our minds, in sync, went mute. The phantoms of last summer guided us tonight. The warm silky water of a bath in his porcelain tub. The comforting scents of florals and memories. A trail of cloaks, robes, and clothes followed us to the bathroom and into the tub. My locket laid beside his family ring on the marble counter. His hands draped the water over my chilled skin, massaging away the tension in my muscles.

A year ago, there had been one mark on the two of us, now it seemed that there was no end to where our damage and scars were. And yet I didn’t feel shattered. I didn’t feel broken. Silent streams of tears trailed down our cheeks. They weren’t just of fear and anger, but perhaps also of relief and hope. What we dreaded had been done, now there were pieces to pick up. There was something to do. It wasn’t the brightest direction, but it was direction.

The shine of the moonlight reflected off of Draco’s eyes as we laid together in the comfort of clean cotton sheets. My fingers carded through the silver gossamer of his hair. I slipped into slumber in the comfort of the storms of his grey eyes.

My dreams were vividly bizarre. Trails of what ifs. Of almosts. Of what could have been.

A bright green flash coming from Draco’s wand. Coming from my wand. Draco dead in my arms. The last glimpses of life as I laid in Draco’s arms. Harry staring us both down, defending Dumbledore. Pinnae flying away in the night to a small home in the Grecian countryside and never looking back. Pinnae falling, falling, falling, flightless. Down from the Astronomy tower and to the cold unforgiving ground below.

A soft unintelligible mumble pulled me away from the free fall down. I was steadied. I was wrapped in comfort. I was draped in soft blankets and warm arms.

“Just a dream,” Draco slurred sleepily, his eyes not opening. “You’re okay,”

I hummed a response and curled back onto his chest, settling back into sleep.

___________________________

“He’s not going to forget her,” Severus huffed, pacing the room. “Y/n will have to prove herself,”

“I know,” Narcissa sighed, sitting beside her husband.

Lucius had not yet woken since he had been healed, and though Narcissa knew that he was not on the verge of death any longer, his health was still failing.

“She’s just a child,” Narcissa insisted hopelessly. “She has no business in all of this,”

“She doesn’t have a choice anymore Narcissa!” Severus declared. “She chose this path. She chose to stand beside Draco, and this is where that road leads!”

Silent tears fell down her cheeks, lost in a memory.

~~

“It’s not safe for you Cissa,” Lucius’ voice was quiet and urgent. “Go now, before it’s too late,” 

“I’m not leaving you,” Her stubbornness might kill her one day, but she wasn’t giving up on him.

“The Dark Lord will kill you, and I can’t lose you my darling,” Lucius stroked her cheek softly, “You’re too important,”

“Then you know why I must stay,” She closed her eyes leaning into his touch. 

“Please,” Lucius begged. “If not for your life, then for Draco’s. He’s just a babe.” 

“This family will stay together,” Tears stung her eyes. “He needs his father as much as he needs his mother,”

“You’re not going to like who his father becomes,” The whisper was barely heard. “Please Cissa,”

She shook her head, tears running down her cheeks and into his hands. 

~~

“She knows that,” Narcissa answered softly. “More than anything she knows the consequences of her choice.”

“And how can you be so sure?” Severus demanded.

“Because she was me,” Her fingers trailed down Lucius’ face gently. “I never thought I’d have to live through another war—to walk through another one with him,” She paused and turned to Severus. “But Y/n knows what she’s doing.”

“Then why are you so adamant on protecting her?” He demanded.

“For the same reason you are,” It could have been an accusation, but it wasn’t. It was sad and soft. Hopeless in a way.

“We can’t protect her in a desperate chance to change the past, Narcissa,” It was just as hopeless. 

“But we can try, can’t we?”

Lucius’ hand was ice cold in hers. His body was still riddled with Dark Magic and his time in Azkaban had not aided it one bit. There used to be an inkling of warmth in his skin, but now, it had vanished.

“You’re welcome to stay,” She offered. “The invitation is always open,”

A quiet beat passed.

“I will.” Severus answered. “He’ll need more looking after. And so will she,” 

“She will make it Severus,” Narcissa pressed as he went to exit the room. 

“That’s what he said about Lily,”

In the morning, Narcissa found you and Draco curled up together in bed, still sound asleep though the hour was becoming closer to afternoon than morning. She didn’t dare to rouse you two. If you could manage to sleep, she’d let you.

When you were finally awake and presentable, both eating in the kitchen, Narcissa could see the determination and uncertainty in your eyes as well as the familiar unease in Draco’s. You two were having the same disagreement that she and Lucius had. Draco no doubt wanted you to hide away, to be safe. And Narcissa knew that leaving was the last thing that you were going to do.

“When do you think he’ll be back?” Your voice was small as you cradled your mug in your hands.

“It’s hard to say,” Severus answered. “Time doesn’t work the same for the Dark Lord. It could be hours; it could be days.”

You nodded and leaned against Draco. It made her heart soar when she watched the two of you together. Draco’s comforting and protective nature that came out for you. And the trust you had in her son. It made Narcissa believe that she might have done something right after all these years to see her son this contented.

“Come,” Narcissa smiled softly, offering her hand to you. “You should learn how to heal Dark Magic,”

Wide-eyed, you followed Narcissa up the stairs, Draco shadowing you both, and into her bedroom where Lucius was still sleeping. Leading you beside the bed, Narcissa drew her wand.

“The easiest is medicari,” She instructed. “It will heal any physical wounds. The deeper the wound the more times you should repeat the spell,” You two nodded softly.

“To cleanse dark magic from the bloodstream or body—expurgatio” Narcissa turned to Lucius and brushed a stray lock of hair from his face as she cast the spell. Under her wand tip drew forth an inky blackness from his chest.

“A lighting charm, my dear,” Narcissa instructed.

You drew your wand and cast the charm, drawing it near to the darkness at the tip of her own wand.

“Dark Magic, after drawn from the body and exposed to light—” you watched as the ink vanished. “—has nothing it can do but run and hide,”

Draco’s face held an air of thought as you remained quiet in thought for a moment. Narcissa could see that you were trying to form your words in such a manner that they made sense, and that they didn’t draw you into a breakdown. Draco’s hand slipped into yours. Your thumb gently traced the scar that ran along the back of his hand.

“Snape...” You began, “He—he used a spell. It sounded like song... when he was healing Draco,”

“The Song of The Lost Soul, yes.” Narcissa sighed softly. “It is not an easy feat to cast such a spell. Whereas many spells are one or a few words, The Song of The Lost Souls requires perfect cadence and pronunciation to be of any aid. If not, it is rendered useless.”

“But if it works?” You asked, curious, hope in your eyes and voice. “It’s one of the most powerful healing spells known to wizards.”

“I want to learn it,” Your determination didn’t surprise Narcissa in the slightest. A smile graced her face at the sight of your eagerness.

“In due time, my dear. For now, why don’t we begin with expurgatio,”

Slowly but surely, with each time you cast the Cleansing spell, your wand gripped more and more of the dark magic that plagued Lucius blood stream. Draco would touch a Lighting charm to the Dark Magic, and it would flee every time. After a while you paused and went quiet.

“I don’t want to have to hurt him,” the confession was soft from your lips. “But if I don’t...” Your eyes met Draco’s a hopeless expression on your face.

“I understand, my love,” Narcissa comforted. “I’ve walked in your shoes before. I know the sacrifices and choices you must face.” She took your hand and smiled softly. “You have a kind soul. A strong soul.” With a soft breath in she continued. “I taught you these spells, not only to aid you in your oncoming battles in this war, but also to let you know that whatever is done, may be undone.”

You processed the words, your eyes growing in realization. “You mean... you want me to...”

“Mother,” Draco’s brows furrowed, surprised himself.

“I don’t will it, no.” She confessed. “But I understand why it must be done. Stars above know the things I was forced to do to gain the respect I have among the Death Eaters...” She looked down at Lucius, “Though I do not think you are aiming for their respect nor should you, I do believe that it will be a comfort to know you won’t be killed.”

“I... I don’t even know if I can,” Your voice broke as your gaze dropped to Draco’s hand in yours. “All I see when I look at him, is you two... and I can’t... I can’t imagine hurting either of you.”

“That is not what the Cruciatus Curse entails, Miss Y/n,” Severus spoke, spooking you a bit as you jumped a bit and Draco’s arm wrapped around you protectively on reflex.

Severus stood from the armchair accompanying the window and neared the bed.

“The Cruciatus Curse was originally meant as a way for a wizard or witch to alleviate all of their anger and frustrations. It was a spell directed at the stars, never at a soul, never at another man. Of course, it became distorted over the year unto what it is now, but I digress,” The tone was familiar to Narcissa, and it seemed to you two as well—a formal teaching tone.

“So... I don’t... I don’t have to hate the person I use the Curse on?” You squeaked, your eyebrows drown in confusion and revelation.

“Not particularly, though it does help.” Severus took a tight breath in. 

“But... in the bathroom... I used it on Harry,”

“And you were scared and angry,” Narcissa comfortingly placed a hand over yours. “All of your frustrations and fears that had been growing over those months were let out on Harry. Not that you loathed him specifically, but he was on the receiving end of your fury.”

____________________________

“So, I can cast the Curse with no intention of wanting to harm the person I’m casting it on?” Disbelief colored my tone. “How is that in any way safe? Or fair?”

“It’s not my dear,” Narcissa replied. “Which is the reason the ancients deemed it Unforgivable.”

“And I think you’ve seen that first-hand,” Snape remarked. “Though he is quite loathsome at times, I don’t truly believe that you hate Potter,”

“Debatable,” I muttered, causing Draco to chuckle beside me.

“You don’t,” Draco murmured in my ear. “Because I know you. You’re too kind,”

“He probably hates me,” My voice was weak and small. “You should have seen his face...” Worrying my lip, Draco pulled me in closer.

“Potter is very hot headed and impulsive,” Snape tried to comfort. “And he has no authority over you either,”

“But he’s the chosen one,” I protested, miserable. “Everyone cares about his opinion and what he thinks,”

“I think you’d find a few flaws in that statement,” A smile barely touched Snape’s lips. “You were quite the leader yourself in school. The students were just as willing to follow you as they were Potter,”

“Me?” I squeaked, my mind reeling. “But I’m just me. I’m not special. I’m not the chosen one. I’m just a bloody Hufflepuff for Merlin’s sake!”

“And that’s what everyone adores about you,” Draco interjected softly. “Though I’d like to go on record saying you’re extraordinarily special,” A smile played at his lips. “But things aren’t handed to you like they are Potter. You never had the advantage, and when you did, you used it to rescue the underdog,”

“Draco is right, the Slytherins are quite fond of you,” Snape’s eyes narrowed. “Sometimes I wonder why you weren’t one,”

“Anything’s better than Slytherin,” I muttered without thinking.

Draco laughed beside me, pressing a kiss to my temple. “There’s my Y/n,” He murmured softly. “I was getting a little worried there,”

The day was spent nursing Lucius back to health as best that Draco and I could. My trial of the Unforgivable forgotten for the moment. And I prayed that it would never come. 

When Lucius’ cold grey eyes opened and landed on me, fear gripped my heart. But it was in vain. His hand reached out and covered mine as he nodded once, before closing his eyes once more in rest. Amity fell between us, knowing that there was forgiveness somewhere in my heart for him. Maybe it was a forgiveness that mirrored in Draco’s eyes as I sought him for reassurance.

“Happy birthday, love,” I whispered softly as the hour passed midnight as the two of us stared up at the stars.

“Don’t remind me,” He grumbled, causing me to laugh softly.

“And why not?” I mused, raising an eyebrow at him. “It’s not every day that you turn seventeen,”

“But you really wanna talk about it now?” He dismayed. “It’s not worth celebrating,”

“Look around Draco,” I pressed. “Look at how lucky we are to be alive right now,” Tears stung my eyes as I took his hand holding it tightly. “It’s more than enough to celebrate,”

He hung his head, closing his eyes, his shoulders rising with the deep breath that he took. Laying my head on his shoulder, I pressed to his side.

“It is enough,” He whispered softly, pulling me into his arms. “It’s more than enough,” His weak smile mirrored mine.

Draco’s hands came up and cupped my face softly, pulling me in for a calming kiss, sealing that us being alive was enough. That I was enough. That he was enough. That the quiet night with the fireflies and the stars watching over us was enough.

A letter came for me the next day from Prof—Lupin requesting me at the next Order meeting being held at Fleur and Bill’s cottage on the seaside not far from the Manor that night. The four of us debated whether or not it would be safe for me to go alone, knowing that I would be the only one allowed. And though Draco was hesitant, he urged me to go. A sadness lingered in Snape’s eyes at well, but he agreed. It was only Narcissa who had a qualm.

“They can track her Apparition,” She reasoned gently. “We need to keep the Order safe...” Her eyes met Snape’s, and something passed between them.

“I’ll fly,” I offered off hand. “No one will know that it’s me, and if they think I’m flying, then no one will be able to find me,”

“I’m not sure I follow,” Snape’s monotone voice seemed uninterested, but I could see that the questions burning behind his eyes.

“And that’s how it’ll have to be,” Draco took my hand, “Are you sure you can make the trip on your own?”

“You’re not coming with me, then we’ll be found,” I refuted the hope in his eyes. “I’ll have to go alone,”

And what Snape didn’t see was a white and bronze barn owl taking off toward the sunset, on her way to an Order meeting.

...............

“Lupin?” I gasped out, steadying myself from my transformation.

“Sirius said that you were able to do that... didn’t give much away thought,” Lupin mentioned offhand, almost talking to himself. “What took you so long?”

“Long flight,” I muttered, leaning against the door jamb of the little house. “They can track Apparition. At least mine, I guess.”

“Really?” He seemed surprised.

I nodded and fidgeted with my sweater. “They all hate me, don’t they?”

“It’s quite divided actually,” A smile ghosted at his lips. “Those of us who know you, we don’t, but those who got the story from Harry on the other hand...”

I groaned in defeat and rubbed my face. Then I held my head high and nodded. 

“Alright,” I concluded, “I’m not afraid to face the consequences of my actions.” 

Lupin smiled warmly. “I can see why Sirius liked you.”

“You miss him,”

“Yes,” He paused then continued. “But there is more to life. I’m sure you understand that,”

“Yeah,” I whispered. “Do you think he would have been proud of me? My dad?” I was almost too afraid to ask.

“More than you could ever know,” Lupin appeased. “In fact, that’s why a lot of us are so divided about what to do with you, because your father was in the same situation with your mother,”

“My mother wasn’t a Death Eater,” I muttered. “That complicates things doesn’t it?”

Lupin stared at me like I had two heads. “Y/n, your mother is a Death Eater. Or she was in the first war.”

I froze. My eyes going wide. There must have been true panic or horror on my face because Lupin neared me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“Y/n, breathe,” Lupin instructed. “I thought you knew,” A soft shake of my head declined his statement.

“Well, that changes things a bit...” Lupin muttered. “We need to talk to Moody,”

“Will you—give me a minute...” I squeaked out, sinking into a kitchen chair. I hung my head in my hands, wishing nothing more to find comfort in Draco’s arms. He would know what to do. He would know what to say.

“What is she doing here?” A snarled voice asked.

Lupin’s arm shot out, holding me back from going off on Harry. Or maybe he was protecting me from Harry. I didn’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. I was too shellshocked.

“She is a part of the Order,” Lupin defended sternly. “She has a rightful place here,”

“So, we’re going to ignore the fact that she aided the murder of Dumbledore!?” Harry shouted.

Silence fell. 

“No,” I whispered softly. “I helped kill Dumbledore,” My voice was soft and broken and obviously not what Harry was expecting. “I helped kill Dumbledore. I’m in love with a Death Eater. I’m the daughter of a Death Eater. I’m the daughter of a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I’m the child of a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff. My father’s dead and my mother’s gone.”

I spoke mainly to myself, but loud enough for everyone else to hear. “And I know that,” My eyes met Harry’s. “So, what are you going to do about it? Berate me? Scream how I don’t belong here? How massively fucked up my life is? Is that what you’re here to tell me?” My voice stayed soft and calm. “Because believe me, I already know,”

My words sapped all of the anger from Harry and caught the attention of the other members of the Order as they filed into the small kitchen. “It’s not about what I am, or where I come from, or who my parents are. It’s what I’m going to do from here on out and what I’ve been trying to do all along.” Again, I met stubborn green eyes. “I’m going to save Draco Malfoy. I’m going to fight for good. And I’m not going to let anyone, or anything stop me,”

There was something I realized about Harry in that moment where we differed immensely. He had no restraint and he never hesitated. He was hot headed and made rash decisions. He took everything that was offered to him and then some. The game he plays he takes and raises stakes without anyone else’s consent. He had an endless uphill just as I did. He had something to prove and almost nothing to lose.

I had everything to lose. Everything that I fought to keep. Everything that I fought to have. If he could thrive in the middle of the struggle, then I’d wait for my time to thrive.

I was willing to wait for it. 

________________________________

“You think I don’t know what I’m doing!?” He roared, near tears. Remus placed a hand on his shoulder and Sirius held James back. “What would you do for Lily, Potter?” He straightened, shaking off Remus.

“My wife isn’t on the wrong side of the war!” James spat.

“It’s easy to love those who love you isn’t it? It’s easy to love the good, isn’t it Potter!?” The words held ice shards. “You think you’d understand. You’re a father as much as I am in this hell, you think I don’t want what’s best for my family!? What will keep them alive!?”

“Boys!” McGonagall shouted reprimanding them. “You two are acting like children. We are on the same side of the war here and unless we work together, we’re not going to survive.” Her stern look silenced them both.

“Walt,” Alice reached out as he went to leave, shifting a small bundle of sleeping blankets in her arms, “Please, we do want you here,” Frank came up behind her, reaching out for him.

“She’s right, Walt.” Frank affirmed. “You deserve your place here with the rest of us,”

“Thank you,” He nodded. “But I need to get home to Elizabeth and hope Y/n hasn’t been giving her too much trouble,” The fire had left from his voice and weariness remained.

The Longbottom’s nodded as he set out into the night, apperating back home. The small farmhouse in the outskirts of town welcomed him home more than any consoling word from the Order ever could. He knew that the two people he loved more than anything in the world were inside that farmhouse. The two people who never questioned him or denied his loyalty.

“Walt?” Elizabeth’s voice chimed up from the nursery.

“Yes, it’s me,” Maybe he didn’t hide his weariness well enough because a soft concerned look was on her face as she met him in the hallway.

“Maybe her and I should...” Elizabeth trailed off. “You wouldn’t have to...”

“You think I’d walk out on you? On our darling girl?” Walter shook his head and pulled his bride into his arms, tucking her head under his chin. “You two are worth more than a war,”

“I love you,” Her voice was broken as she clung to him, unshed tears in both of their eyes.

The soft cry of a babe broke their moment. Walter neared the crib to see a little pouting face start to snivel.

“Oh, now what is the matter?” He cooed softly gathering the child into his arms. “I’m right here sweetheart,”

Rocking her softly, her cries quieted, and large innocent eyes stared up at him. It was those eyes that made everything that James said, or Sirius muttered worth it. Those deep and trusting eyes that held wonder and love in their naivete.

Elizabeth placed a soft hand on his shoulder, and he turned, for the first time seeing the exhaustion on her face. He knew that no matter how harsh James was or how many times he came home feeling defeated, his love had a harder battle to fight. One that wasn’t built on love, and trust, and goodness. But wickedness, cruelty, and evil. He loathed having to see her bare that burden on her shoulders.

“I’ll put her down for the night,” He whispered softly. “You go on to bed. I’ll be there in a moment,”

Alone with his child in a quiet room on a peaceful night, he began to hum softly. He sang of sunshine and happiness in the midst of grey stormy days. When he looked into those eyes he knew for sure that no amount of Dark Magic would affect her soul that was laid bare in her gaze.

And her eyes went from wonder and awe to peace and slumber. Placed in her crib and warded by protection spells and charms and talisman, he headed to his Elizabeth.

She was combing through her long hair, sitting at the mirror in the bathroom. He came up behind her and rubbed her shoulders softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“How are you feeling?” He murmured softly.

“A little drained, but since having Y/n, and because Narcissa has her little Draco now, they seem very adamant to protect the two of us... you should see Severus stand up against him. He knows that Narcissa and I shouldn’t be doing Dark Magic... then Regulus backs him up and...” She went quiet, lost in the memory.

Curled up in bed, an amity fell over the house.

“Narcissa’s little Draco is just a darling,” Elizabeth spoke softly, curled up into his arms in bed. He could smell the florals and spice of her shampoo linger still in her long damp hair. “Such bright blue eyes. Just turned three months today,”

The days were gentle and calm, though fear came at the on every side. Some nights Walter would be left alone with his little girl, sometimes Elizabeth would. It depended on who had a meeting and where it was safe for their baby girl. And despite her kind nature, even barely a year old, there was worry underneath about what would become of her. It was new generation of Dark Magic, and branding. Two babes had been born from a parent with a Dark Mark, only little Y/n grew inside her mother who was riddled with Dark Magic. The other nurtured by a mother loyal to family.

The tiny babe wrapped in a soft pink knitted blanket had been cradled in Walter’s arms as the next Order meeting went on. Not that he paid much attention. His attention was divided between the warmth his darling offered, rocking her so that she stayed quiet, and then he gave half a mind to Dumbledore speaking about the Dark Lord. And in focusing on his babe, his mind wandered back to the innocence of his own childhood, of meeting his beloved Elizabeth.

~~

She was draped in flowing green, looking as if she belonged in some high-end party, not a dance for grade school. It made his heart skip a beat when his eyes caught hers. Those eyes that held mystery and passion that he adored. They held secret study sessions in the library and elusive nights in the Astronomy Tower, desperate to keep their love a secret from their Houses and the other students.

“Go and talk to her,” Lily nudged his arm.

“You know why I can’t,” Walt sighed. “She’s a Slytherin,”

“Not all Slytherins are so bad...” Lily argued softly. “There’s hope for her too. For both of you,” 

“You really think?” There was hope in his voice.

“Trust me,” Lily smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. “She’ll love you being you.” Her eyes drifted to the crowd, finding a face that meant nothing to him but everything to her. “Go before you miss your chance. You’ve waited for her long enough,”

He heeded her words and made his way across the grand hall that was dressed for the holidays. She was standing with the Black sisters, two of which moved from his way, and one blocked him.

“What’s an ickle Hufflepuff doing here?” Bellatrix cackled. “You’re not wanted little badger,”

“Bellatrix,” Walter greeted politely. “I’m not here to entertain you, but rather ask for Miss Elizabeth to dance,”

The sisters turned to their honorary sister of House. Her cheeks flushed pink, but there was hope and joy shown in her eyes as she took his outstretched hand.

“Are you sure about this?” She whispered under her breath as he led to her to the dance floor.

“I’ve waited too long to show the rest of the world that I love you,” He affirmed, holding her close as the next waltz began.

Though he knew all eyes were on him and his love, he paid them no mind. Instead he focused on the scent of perfume that was mirrored in Amortentia. He focused on the sound of her pretty laugh and the way she threw her head back in joy. And more than anything he focused on those eyes that held his entire world.

~~

“How long have you known?” Walter asked softly, stroking Elizabeth’s cheek.

“About a month,” She smiled, her hand cradling her stomach.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come home,” There were tears in his eyes.

“I wrote to Dumbledore, but I know you my love, you’ll fight until this war is over,” Tear fell down her cheeks softly. “I’m not sorry,”

“Neither am I,” Walter let out a hopeless laugh as his tears fell, holding his bride close. “How are we supposed to raise a child—”

“Just stay alive, that would be enough,” Elizabeth wrapped her arms around him. “And if this child has a fraction of your smile... of your heart... that would be enough,”

“If they had a fragment of your mind... look out world,” Walter smiled, pressing his lips to her forehead. “That would be enough,”

~~

“Walter?” Frank drew him from his thoughts, from the eyes of his baby girl. Alice mirrored his stance, a smaller bundle of blankets cradled in her arms.

“Will you be our Secret Keeper?” Frank asked with a solemn tone. We need to hide, we need to keep Neville safe,”

Walter nodded; determination mirrored in both father’s eyes. 

________________________

~

My Dearest Andromeda,

I hope that this letter finds you well, and I hope that you will give me the time to read it. I have much to tell you and much to ask that I know I am not allowed nor owed, but I beg of you anyway.

I know that your daughter is now married to Remus Lupin, and to which I congratulate the union. I know that Lupin will be good to her. But that is not why I have written.

My Draco and Y/n are now in very deep with the Death Eaters and I fear for them as I feared for our lives through the first war. And perhaps you understand because you managed to erase yourself from our family and flourished regardless. And for that I apologize and esteem you for.

You remember as well as I do how much our Elizabeth loved Walter, and now by some miracle, their child has been placed in my care after Elizabeth carried out her orders from the Dark Lord to keep her Y/n safe from him. She writes to me even still, asking about her child and is comforted by my words of her success and prosperity, knowing that she can never come back to her daughter while the Dark Lord is alive.

Which is why I beg of you to offer a place for dear Y/n to come and stay. I have offered my home, but the Dark Lord has demanded that the Manor be the base for his Death Eaters, and I cannot allow Y/n to be drawn under such an influence. She is good and I know it in my heart, and you can see it in her eyes, but I fear greatly as to what should occur if the Dark Lord manipulates her any further. She is powerful and has potential and power for great good and evil.

Please dear Andromeda, for the sake of Walter and Elizabeth and the second chance that they both gave the three of us. For their child who was marked from birth as was mine.

Your sister,

Cissy

~ 

______________________________ 

~

Narcissa,

Remus and Nymphadora have told me much about Y/n and the fire she possess in her heart just as her parents did. I have fallen in love with a girl I have not met yet and still I feel as if I am responsible for her as I am for my own Nymphadora.

With a heavy heart I mourn the years lost between us, but I can rejoice that the legacy of Walter and Elizabeth change and alter your heart even still. My heart goes out to Elizabeth as it goes to her daughter, as it goes to you and your son.

She is welcome in my home while school is not in season for her. She will be safe and protected here from the Dark Lord and his claws. I have no doubt that Bellatrix is also a reason for fear in your heart as much as the Dark Lord is. I pray that you come to see the light, and though I know there is barely a hope, I pray that for Bellatrix as well.

Send her at first light my dear Narcissa, 

Your sister,

Andy

~

____________________________

“I have another aunt?” Draco asked.

“Yes,” Narcissa sighed softly. “She was disowned by our parents because she was a blood- traitor, much as Sirius Black was.” A quiet moment. “You also have a cousin, Nymphadora Tonks,”

“Tonks is his cousin!?” I gaped. “Hufflepuff, Auror, Metamorphmagus, Tonks?”

“Yes,” Narcissa nodded, a smile playing at her lips. “It seems that you two have quite a bit in common now that I think about it,”

“And...she’ll be safe there?” Draco asked hesitantly, taking my hand.

“She’ll have a home while she isn’t at Hogwarts,” His mother affirmed. “Now that your father is feeling better and the Dark Lord has decided to make the Manor his headquarters. There may also be a chance that she can escape her fate with Lucius...”

“I can’t stay,” I murmured the realization.

“No, I’m afraid not, but not for the main reason you think my dear,” Narcissa consoled, piquing my interest. Draco and I exchanged a glance and turned back to her. “Whether you knew it or not, you and Draco and connected, since you were born,”

“I’m sorry, what?” We both demanded, looking at each other once more.

“It is quite amusing how fate played out, having you two come together like this but... yes. During the first war there were two babes born with parents holding the Dark Mark that survived. One was paternal, one maternal.” She gauged our reaction.

“But...that doesn’t mean anything... does it?” I asked timid.

“No one knew and no one still knows. It simply means that you two were both destined for something beyond the ordinary,”

“If... we were both born marked,” Draco spoke like he would while walking through a complex spell or potion. “And I have the Dark Mark... wouldn’t that mean that she’s marked for it as well? That fate...” He trailed off, his grey eyes holding fear and discomfort.

“I’m fated for the Dark Mark,” I understood what he couldn’t bring himself to say. “And if I stay here...”

“Your fate would be sealed,” Narcissa sighed softly. “Which is why I need you to go to my sister, and stay away so that you might avoid this,”

I nodded and took Draco’s hand in mine

“I love you,” I whispered softly, just for him. “And I’m not afraid. I know who I chose,” 

“As long as you come back to me,” He nodded.

Wrapped up tightly into his arms, I breathed in deeply, the last time I would be comforted by his arms until September. The beginning of the first chapter I had to write on my own until I found my way back to him.

Epilogue:

“Thank you, for your hospitality,” My voice held a soft tone, already missing Draco’s warmth. 

“Of course, my dear,” Andromeda smiled. “Come,”

She showed me to a spare room that I assumed used to be Tonks’ because even cleaned up, I could see the chaos of her style linger still.

And though I thought I’d never make it through a night alone, let alone three months, somehow, they passed. Like the slow ticking of a clock that didn’t bother to mock me. Instead there was something reminiscent about the summer. Of writing letters to Draco and waiting for his to arrive. To be in a small home filled with happy memories and warmth of muggle books and films and music. It left me in tears more than I cared to admit, because it was something that I never thought would be mine again.

Something I didn’t know that I was waiting for, nor longing for.

Something that made three months seems like mere months, not an eternity waiting.

.

Chapter 12

.

masterlist

.

more like this:

gryffindor series

hufflepuff dating hc

.

support a college writer

.

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87@artemismohr18@whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda@bitemebro522@zombiesnips-blog@savingdraco@welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180@slytherin-emerald@memalfoy-spidey @queenfeatherwings@fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans@darling-im-not-okay-i-promise  @dietkiwi @katsukink@takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen@hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur@belcvayelena@moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie@cocochanelthepupper@ninacotte @braelynn-j  @jiggllyy @darcypotter-blog @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289  @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes   @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread @okaydraco @the-queen-of-hell-things @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter    @thisisahugemistake @fanficsigottaread @gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge @cleopatera @ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby  @shadowsingeraxolotl   @quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo @wollymalfoy @lilpieceoftoast  @paper-cats @floweryjh @sdicapriox @peachesandpinks @hufflautia @livize75 @annie-mcl @riathearora @live-like-luna @justathoughtfulangel @coconutdawn @skteaiy @wannabeskinny-thinspo @naughtygranger @dragonsandbread   @abundantxadorations @moony-artnstuff @myforeveryoungblog @and-then-a-girl-with-luv @1-800-luvsick @pandas-rice-field @mrvlfangirl3190 @in-slytherin-we-trust @emmaa-t @introvertedrae @infinity1o1 @stoleurmomsvan @echpr  @dekulover @marshmallowtraver @cereuselle @lonely-skywalker @xlosttdreamss @sleepysnapesnake @hoeforthefictional @coldlilheart @helen-paris @romance-geek @rosie-starlit-sky @californiaa-babyy @vulture-withafile @hogstupefy @littlepanda-love @eveft @iraniq @groovyfluxie @cool-weirdo-wannabee-author @siriusblackdies @rosegold-thorns @criminaly-supernatural @annie-mcl @ghostofdolans @bforbroadway @mxl-foyrecs @ginger-haired-queen @bex4whovian @kellyrose193 @scrunchinn @unlikelygalaxygiver @marvel-trash-was-taken @one-edgy-bitch @supersouthy @narcissism-iskey @garbagejay @rejectedlonelyasianchild @lucymxwell @coldlilheart @cha0ticbisexual @elia-the-bibliophile @biggalaxydreamland @fuckbuckyyy @hopem1218 @anchorclifford @youareinllve @tyrusparker @3rdofkingdomtrees @whamitsqueen @i-mmunity@zero-nightshade @graym01 @fandomtrash88 @snakey-drakey @ceeellewrites @alluringshawn @thatguppienamedbae @pinkleopardss @angel-blogging @xhoney-bee-x @thehippyprepster @jovialthings @samanthahaigwood @minigigglybabi @clumsy-writing-rdb @eggsb03 @lahoete @yourenotafailureoverall @m-winchester-67​ @shiningstar-byulxx​ @hmpfkoo​ @clumsy-writing-rdb​ @dracosathenaeum​ @dracofeltonmalfoy​

[outerbankswriting]

Could it be? Chapter 11 (JJ x Reader)

JJ x Reader

CH.1 - CH.2 - CH.3 - CH.4 - CH.5 - CH.6 - CH.7 - CH.8 - CH.9 - CH.10

Description: She has a crush on JJ, but he has always seen her as another one of the “dudes”, or  at least that’s what she thinks so she just doesn’t even try anymore, until things start to shift between the two of them. (A/N: I’M NOT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT THESE IS JUST WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO HAPPEN IN OUTER BANKS WITH JJ)

A/N: THIS CHAPTER GOT DELETED BC TUMBLR WANTED TO MAKE ME CRY FOR A BIT SO I HAD TO REPOST..

Warnings: mentions of sexual trauma

CHAPTER 11

You shot a glance at Sarah once she finished spilling all your business. You watched as she gave you an innocent smile after realising you didn’t want everyone to know about Rafe yet.

“Look, I can explain alright?” You sighed as you reached for a beer. It was going to be a long day.

“Please do.” Kie muttered, raising her eyebrow at you.

You looked at JJ who was staring straight into your eyes, you couldn’t tell if he was hurt or angry but either of those options made your stomach twist.

“He promised that if I faked it for a night, he would leave all of us alone which means th-”

“And you believed him?” Pope was quick to cut you off.

“Why would you even trust Rafe Cameron in the first place?” John B added.

“If you would all stop interrupting me, then maybe I would be able to clear your doubts.” You spat coldly at your friends.

“Go on then.” Kie nodded.

“It’s just for the night, so he can be on the clear with his father and have no problems whatsoever,” you bit your lip, “after that I’m completely done with him.”

The silence was broken by JJ’s sarcastic laugh, making you immediately stare at his movements.

“Well I think it’s bullshit,” he gulped down his beer before standing up, “and if you’re trusting Rafe Cameron, then you can’t be trusted either.”

His words hit you like a thousand knives on the chest.

He definitely felt betrayed by you but his anger was stronger than the pain he was feeling. He tossed the empty beer on the sand, ignoring Kie’s complaining and gave you a final glare before walking away from the group.

“JJ,” you sighed and rushed to walk towards him, ignoring whatever your friends were complaining about as well, “JJ wait!”

You tried to walk faster towards him but the sand wasn’t letting you catch up to his pace.

“JJ stop!” You yelled a little louder but he kept walking.

You decided to run towards him, ignoring how ridiculous you looked trying to run in the sand for trying to chase a guy.

“JJ let me talk to you.” You grabbed his arm making him turn to face you.

His eyes drifted to the sea, not bothering to look at yours.

He was stubborn and you knew him too well to know how whenever he gets angry, his mind becomes clouded with his own thoughts, not bothering to listen or try to understand anything.

“Do you honestly think I want to talk to you right now?” He spat out.

But he was not the only stubborn one here, you were not going to let him leave without first making him listen to you.

“I want you to listen.”

“I don’t want to listen.” His jaw clenched and he pulled his arm away from you.

You were starting to get annoyed but you couldn’t blame him for feeling this way.

“JJ stop walking away from me!”

“You listen to me!” He raised his voice at you as he walked closer to you, your eyes starting to water at his actions, “I cannot trust you if you keep lying to my face!”

“I never lied to you JJ!”

“You said you were not going back to him!”

“I’m not!”

“Then why the fuck are you going as his girlfriend to the stupid party?!”

His eyes were filled with anger and your face probably looked like the one of a scared puppy since JJ’s features softened at the realisation of how loud he was raising his voice at you and how he was projecting his anger.

“I just can’t believe how you can still trust him after everything he’s done.” He lowered his voice but the anger still hadn’t left him.

“Nothing’s going to happen between us JJ,” you slowly walked closer to him, afraid he was going to walk away at any second, “I’m not going to let it happen.”

JJ licked his lips while shaking his head in frustration, he tried to avoid eye contact with you but failed once you softly caressed his cheek, making him calm down a bit.

“If that asshole lays a finger on you, I promise I’m going to kill him.” He muttered as his breathing got slower.

“Sarah is going to be there,” you said and grabbed his hand, “and so will my parents JJ. It’s just one night and then Rafe will be out of our lives.”

His eyes softened as you kept caressing his cheek and holding his hand. You watched as he slightly nodded, knowing he was still not trusting Rafe.

“Let’s go home okay?” You whispered before giving him a light kiss.

The two of you went to your house, not really bothering on letting your friends know you weren’t going back to the beach. You were probably going to send a text later to Kie explaining her everything. Right now all you cared about was calming JJ down and letting him know things were going to be alright.

Once you were in the comfort of your bedroom you decided to grab some beers from the fridge to loosen up a bit and forget the tension that had built a few minutes ago.

You knew JJ was still upset and angry since he wasn’t really talking.

“Last to finish their beer has to cook dinner.” You playfully winked at him before taking a big gulp of your beer.

You noticed JJ take a sip of his beer, not really following your little game to cheer things up.

“JJ come on,” you sat down on the bed next to him, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last night.”

“It’s not only that Y/N,” he said softly this time, “it’s the fact you always tell me your relationship with him was bad and I know there’s something about him you’ve been hiding from me.”

You didn’t know what to say so you just stared at your bed covers.

“Do you see?” JJ went on, “How can I trust you completely if you can’t even trust me?”

“I do trust you JJ,” you sighed, “I just,”

You took a deep breath, thinking about the right way to tell him.

“I have never talked about this to anyone because it scares me.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he moved closer to you.

“What do you mean Y/N?” He softly grabbed your hand.

“I just don’t know how to say it.” Your voice trembled and you felt your eyes start to tear up, JJ immediately cupping your face.

“Hey Y/N,” he whispered, “you can trust me, I’ll take care of you.”

You stared at his eyes while letting a few tears fall down your face. The two of you had already seen each other at your most vulnerable times and that’s what had made you feel so close to him.

You knew you had to tell JJ, you knew it was time to let it out, even if it scared you and even if you knew JJ would probably lose his shit.

You took a deep breath.

“I didn’t really want to do it with him,” your voice was low and soft and you noticed JJ’s jaw clench as he realised what you were talking about, “but I didn’t know how to tell him.”

You fought back the tears as you remembered the first time you had sex with Rafe and how you knew you weren’t ready but he somehow convinced you.

“It’s not like I told him I didn’t want to,” your voice trembled again, “I just let him do it because he was my boyfriend at the time even though I didn’t want to, and after the first time I didn’t want to do it again, but when I told him he got mad at me and he started hanging out with other girls so I just,”

You paused to stare at JJ, his eyes were once again filled with anger but there were also tears in them. His hand was still holding yours tightly, giving you the trust and confidence to keep going.

“I just did it again with him until I learnt to kind of enjoy it I guess? But there were more times I didn’t want to do it than times I did want to, and it just haunts me.”

You let the tears fall down as you felt a weight being lifted from your shoulders.

“JJ?” You asked once you noticed he remained silent, his eyes filled with tears and not leaving yours.

“That piece of shit.” He muttered as he trembled with rage.

“JJ,”

“I’m going to kill him.” He spat out coldly.

“JJ I told you this because I trust you, please,” you cupped his face, “stay out of this.”

“Are you kidding me Y/N?” He raised his eyebrows at you, “My fist on his face is the least I could to him to make him pay for what he did.”

“He never forced me to do it.”

“But he manipulated you Y/N.”

“I know that now,” you sighed, “but I didn’t know that back then.”

He nodded and bit his lip but you grabbed his face and made him stare straight into your eyes.

“I’m a different person now JJ, I’ve learnt from it.”

Just when his tears were about to fall down his face, he wrapped his arms around you, making you let out all the tears you were fighting back and feeling safe in his embrace.

“I will never hurt you Y/N,” he sobbed against your neck, “I’ll always take care of you.”

You weren’t even able to let out the words you wanted to tell him, you wanted to tell him how much you loved him but the words just wouldn’t come out because of your loud sobbing.

“I’ll be there.” He whispered once he let go of the embrace and cupped your face.

“What are you talking about?” You asked while wiping away the last tears falling from his eyes.

“I’m going to the party and I’ll be watching over you and I don’t care if your parents hate me for that.”

You smiled with tears in your eyes before nodding and softly placing your lips against his.

———————-

CH.12

A/N: I touched a pretty sensitive topic this chapter and I really want to talk about this. unwanted consensual sex (also known as gray zone sex) is a thing that happens to so many people and it’s not talked about enough. one of my closest friends experienced this and it has affected her sexual relationships deeply. if you’ve ever been through something like this please know that you’re not alone and you can always talk to me. you should never feel pressured to do sexual intercourse or any other sexual activities by anyone, not even your partner.

sorry for all the mess that’s been going on with my tumblr, I honestly don’t know what happened but tumblr support apparently already fixed it...

thank u so much if you’re still reading this story, means a lot!

——————–

[the-bau-quinjet]

I want to drive away with you

Chapter 12 of In Breakable Heaven! 

Summary: The show from reader’s perspective.

Warnings: angst

Word count: ~2100

As you finish preparing for your mini-show in the dressing room, you can’t help but think about the voicemail you left for Spencer on your way to the venue.

 “Hey Spence. I miss you, but you already know that. I’m doing a sort of mini show at 7 tonight. It would mean the world to me if you came… Look, I get it. You don’t want to be with me anymore, but I don’t want you to disappear from my life completely. Not when I need you now more than ever… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m not trying to guilt you into coming, I just really want you to be there. For the moral support. The rest of the team is coming, so you won’t be alone. That’s it I guess. Bye.”

Tears spring to your eyes as you remember what he said to you the night he left. Shaking your head to clear the memories, you focus on the positive. That’s what your therapist has been telling you to do anyway. So, you switch focus and think of your friends. You are so grateful for the rest of the BAU team coming to support you after everything that happened. You are not alone, no matter how much it feels like it sometimes.

 With that reminder ringing in your ears, you get up to walk on stage as you hear the announcer introducing you. Taking a seat on the stool behind the lone mic center stage, you look into the audience. You know you shouldn’t look for him, but you can’t help it. Your eyes meet those of Derek, JJ, Emily, Penelope, and to your surprise, Hotch and Rossi. They had never come before. You give the group a small wave, choosing to ignore the lack of Boy Genius.

 You finally bring the mic to your mouth and greet the crowd “How are y’all doing tonight?” The crowd cheers you on as you continue introducing the show you have planned. “Now, you might be expecting the usual, but I’m afraid I only have three songs for you tonight. Just trying to get back into the swing of things, ya know?” Your abduction had been all over the news, which is probably why the crowd feels bigger than normal. “I hope you enjoyed the earlier acts though!”

 “The first song encompasses how I was feeling about a month ago. Before everything happened.” You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to erase the bad and remember the good. “It was the happiest I have ever been. I had a great group of friends, a job I loved, a hobby that helped me bring some of that joy to you guys, and… the most incredible boyfriend.” You purposefully ignore the shocked gasps from some your friends in the front row. If you met their eyes right now, they would be sure to figure everything out.

 “Most of that is still true and for that I am incredibly grateful. Without further ado, here we go!” This song reminds you of everything you’ve lost rather than everything you still have, but it was the only one you could think to sing to truly encompass how happy you were a month ago.

 The moon is high, like your friends were the night that we first met.

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet. Now, I’ve read all of the books beside your bed.

 You wave your hand in the air in a “that’s only sort of true” way. There was no way in hell you could ever read ALL the books beside Spencer’s bed. To your relief, the crowd laughs at your slight joke while you continue with the song.

 I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings. Uh huh, that’s right.

Darling, you’re the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this. Uh huh, that’s right.

Darling, you’re the one I want in paper rings. In picture frames. In dirty dreams.

Oh, you’re the one I want.

 You sing through the second verse without a hitch, coming up to the bridge.

 I want to drive away with you. I want your complications too. I want your dreary Mondays, wrap your arms around me Pr-aby boy.

 You almost messed up there, could’ve given everything away with one stupid word. It doesn’t look like the team noticed though, since they are all dancing around with the biggest smiles you’ve seen in a while. They are just glad to see you happy again, even if it is just because you are remembering better times.

 You’re the one I want, one I want.

 You see the applause more than really hear it as the song comes to an end. Your heart is beating way too loud in your ears for you to notice anyway.

 “Thank you! Thank you! This next song is kind of a complete about face. 180 degrees if you will. Actually” you pause to think, “it’s more like 540 degrees.” You take in the confused glances from the audience, still searching for that one mop of slightly curly brown hair. “I feel like I went through every emotion possible, returned to where I started, and then was forcefully turned in the opposite direction.”  You knew Spencer would know exactly what you were talking about if he was there. You said something eerily similar the last time you saw him.

 You can feel the tears again, but you force them back down. You can’t sing and cry at the same time after all. “Clearly, you can tell why I was so happy a month ago. Paper Rings is kind of obvious in that sense. But, 3 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours,” you glance at your watch before continuing, “and 27 minutes ago every possible ounce of that happiness disappeared.”

 “For those of you who don’t know, I recently went through a fairly traumatic event. My good friends at the FBI saved my life. But after I left the hospital with a new found relief, I went home and my boyfriend, well I guess ex-boyfriend, came over.”

 Here come the tears again. “He didn’t tell me why, but he broke up with me that night. He said he didn’t want to do it while I was in the hospital, so he waited. I’ve had a lot of time to think it over, and I might know now why things changed. But even if I’m wrong, he left. And now, he won’t talk to me.”

 You take a few calming breathes before continuing, “Now I know what you’re thinking. This guy sounds like a complete asshat. And maybe you’re kind of right. But he’s been through more than I could even explain, and I know that it is slowly killing him to know that I went through barely a tenth of what has happened to him. Especially because I know he blames himself. So, I have this next song. To try and explain how him leaving is worse than anything that happened in that building.”

 The intro to the next song begins and you close your eyes. You can’t bear to look at anything right now. You need to solely focus on making it through this song.

 You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time, but I never thought I'd live to see it break.

It's getting dark, and it’s all too quiet, and I can't trust anything now. And it’s coming over you like it’s all a big mistake.

Whoa, holding my breath, won't lose you again. Something's made your eyes go cold.

 You can feel you’re voice straining, but you need to push through to truly convey your emotions. Singing is the only way you know how and you won’t lose that. You can’t.

 Come on, come on don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out. Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted.

 Come on, come on don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out. Can't breathe whenever you're gone. Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

 You’re voice breaks at the end, but you’ve got a bit of instrumental to recover. You hold back from really looking at anyone during this song. The only face you want to see is Spencer’s and you didn’t see him anywhere while you searched during the first song. 

 Stood there and watched you walk away, from everything we had. But I still mean every word I said to you.

 He will try to take away my pain, and he just might make me smile. But the whole time, I'm wishing it was you instead.

 Pushing through the next chorus, you know the tears are welling as you practically scream sing your way through the song. Surprisingly, you are very on pitch. At least you still have that.

 I know. I know. I just know, you’re not gone. You can’t be gone, no

 The bridge is so simple, but it’s probably the saddest part for you to sing. One more round of the chorus brings you to the outro.

 You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time.

Never ever thought I'd see it break. Never thought I'd see it.

 A single tear rolls down your cheek as you open your eyes and blink a few times at the lights. You can see the tears streaming down Penelope’s face and sad expressions in every single one of your friends eyes. Even Hotch seems choked up.

 You pull yourself together to finish the show. “I know what you’re thinking” you joke with the crowd. “What the hell happened to you?” You take another calming breathe. “Well, a lot. But every song I am singing tonight, they are all to the same person. The one person in the world who understands me more than anyone else. You should all know, however, the ‘he’ I was referring to when I sung ‘he will try to take away my pain’ is none other than my therapist. Thanks for the all the help Doc, I’m trying to do what you said.” You can feel the smile returning to your face, even if it is a little forced.

 “The last song I have for you is what I wish I had the chance to say that night 3 weeks, 4 days 6 hours,” again you check your watch, “and now 33 minutes ago.” You laugh at the ridiculous nature of remembering it down to the minute. Something you are so sure Spencer knows without having to think about.

 “It’s something I need you to know.” You don’t look at anyone in particular while you sing, but you know exactly who you are singing to as the song starts.

 One look. Dark room. Meant just, for you. Time moved, too fast. You played, it back.

Buttons, on a coat. Light hearted joke. No proof. Not much. But you saw, enough.

Small talk, he drives. Coffee, at midnight. The light, reflects. The chain, on your neck.

He says, look up. And your shoulders brush. No proof, one touch.

You felt enough.

This song is so beautiful in its simplicity. You’re grateful for the easy melody since your emotions are weighing on you so heavily right now. 

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you.

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you.

You can see it with the lights out, lights out.

You are in love, true love.

You are in love.

 It hurts more than expected to say those words about Spencer without actually looking into his eyes.

Morning, his place. Burnt toast, Sunday. You keep, his shirt. He keeps, his word.

And for once, you let go. Of your fears and your ghosts. One step, not much, but it said enough.

You kissed, on sidewalks. You fight, and you talk. One night, he wakes. Strange look, on his face.

Pauses, then says, you're my best friend. And you knew what it was,

he is in love.

 Since the first time you heard that song, it has been one of your favorites. It was almost bittersweet to sing that song to Spencer right now when you weren’t even sure he was in the audience. 

 As the final chords of the song end you take a few deep breaths, just enough to say goodbye to the crowd. 

“Thank you all so much for coming! We can only hope for and work towards a better future than the present we find ourselves in. Goodnight.” You took a steadying breath as you rose from your stool and went back to your dressing room. The tears started streaming down your face the minute you turned away from the crowd, and at the moment you had no idea if they would ever stop. You immediately put on your go to emotional TS playlist “for when you are feeling everything all at once” and sunk to the floor.

 tag list:

@mac99martin @goldeng1rl8​ @eevee0722 @l0ve-0f-my-life @haylaansmi @dinonuggets15 @laurakirsten0502 @green-intervention @burnin-passion @takeyourleap-of-faith @secretpickleprofessordean @awkwardnesshabitat @loveheathens @fan-girl-97 @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @akuri-shinsou @prongsyy @panhoeofmanyfandoms @sherlockmarvelharrypotter

[ultimatetornshipper]

Daminette December Day 7

@daminette-december2019-2020

((Note: If you’re a confused little muffin who saw our ship in the top 100 list and you want to know what in the ever loving fuck we are, feel free to dm me or mention me in a post or even to send an ask. do be warned tho that if u send me hate i will block and report u (and not just to tumblr, to everyone I know who is part of this fandom). our little sub fandom is not a toxic space and no one is allowed to make it one or there will be a fucking war))

And we’re back to our anxiety induced in denial Damian. I love this kid. Tho I do wanna make him slightly more… how do I say this… like cold? I dunno maybe I can bring that in with other people and his interactions. I just wanna write him with his proper grammar and what not and like lbh this boi is already a simp for Mari. But I don’t wanna let things happen too quickly, y’know?

Anyway, maybe I should make the theme of this chapter the fact that he has absolutely no chill. Lmao, I think that’s hilarious ngl. Also I’m just gonna pretend certain things existed back then for the sake of my sanity I can’t keep coming up with words that make sense for explaining what a thing is without saying the actual word because it didn’t exist yet. The hologram in that one chapter was hard enough bruh

Ok here we go, thanks for reading! I hope u enjoy it

Princes and Pedestals

Chapter 7 – Chill

Previous

Next

Damian rolled the ring between his fingers as the morning light filtered through his windows. She’d put the choice in his hands, it was a kind thing to do, smart too. It made sense, if this role was as important as she made it sound it needed someone who could commit to it.

The miraculous was the kind of black that seemed to stretch on forever. It had a bright green paw print on it. He hadn’t put it on yet but from what he could gather it’s kwami would appear as soon as he put it on.

He'd be one of the leaders of an entire Order. He had no idea how big it was. His mother had raised him to lead but that was an entirely different organization. How would Marinette react to that? Could he handle the responsibility?

These thoughts had been plaguing him from the moment he picked up the ring.

But that wasn’t what got to him the most. She was just so… good. She had even agreed to move her entire court to Gotham for his sake. To uproot her entire life and move everyone involved just so that he could stay with his family.

There had to be a catch.

There always is.

He sighed, overthinking everything wasn’t going to help him make this decision.

There was only one thing he could do.

He put on the ring and a bright light caught him off guard. A small floating cat like being appeared in front of him.

“Kid?” he kept his eyes closed as though he didn’t want to see who was in front of him, his voice breaking slightly.

Slowly, the kwami – Plagg if he remembered correctly - opened his eyes. Damian stared at him as disappointment flitted across the creature’s face.

He lifted his brow and asked, “Hope to see someone else, Plagg?”

He chuckled slightly, sadness lacing the sound, “My previous holder, thought maybe I'd get the chance to say goodbye this time,”

Damian frowned, “What do you mean?”

Plagg frowned, “You don’t know about my previous holder? Who gave you my miraculous?”

“Marinette did,” he said, simply, “She actually just gave me the chance to consider the offer of the position, I have the rest of the day to get to know you and make my decision,”

Plagg seemed to consider what he said, he then sat down on the bed in front of Damian. He explained the basics of the miraculous to him, the phrases he needed to use as well as what those phrases would do. The things he’d need as well as what behaviors he might pick up.

“Purring?” Damian said in a disbelieving voice, “You’re telling me I might start purring in my civilian form?”

Plagg cackled, “Yeah, don’t worry it’s not that bad,”

“Tt, what exactly is the purpose of it? In fact what exactly is my purpose? It seems like she has the leadership thing under control,”

Plagg seemed to sober up at the question, he flew up right in front of Damian’s face and looked him in the eyes, “Her job is to lead and look after her court,” his look sharpened and he narrowed his eyes, “Your job is to look after her, your job is to protect her, your job is to see her. Your purpose is to make hers as easy as possible. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll have other official responsibilities and you will rule alongside her, but your real job? Your purpose? You have to help her remember that she’s only human and that that’s okay,”

Damian stared at Plagg, the kwami stared back. It couldn’t be that simple, could it? There had to be something. Some kind of catch.

Before he could grill the kwami, Dick burst into his room.

Damian could see his brother’s clear panic and immediately stood. Dick’s eyes found his, “She’s gone,”

Damian felt himself spiral, memories flew through his mind. All the times he or any of his siblings had been taken. Cass didn’t speak for a month after the last incident. Jason’s “secret" panic attacks had increased tremendously. Tim stayed up for nights on end, only sleeping when he passed out. Damian sparred for hours and hours, hating the feeling of being useless. 

His father and Dick weren’t in Gotham at the time and Selina was helping Harley with one of her ‘projects’.

When they got Steph back after a week, she was so shook up that she kept waking up screaming from nightmares for months.

They all blamed themselves.

“Her kwami showed us a letter she left but someone could’ve faked it to buy time, they’re searching the village,” Jason said, coming into his room, holding a piece of parchment.

Damian barely registered the way Plagg seemed to study his reactions. They needed to find her, it was already afternoon, who knows how far gone she could be?

They spent hours scouring the castle. Before he knew it the moon was rising and they were all gathered in the living room, going over possibilities.

“I’m going to go get Alfred and Bruce, this has been going on long enough, it’s time to call in back up. It’s already passed nightfall and she’s not back yet,” Dick walked out of the room, barely two seconds passed before he shouted something to them, “Guys I found her!”

They were out quicker than a lightning bolt. He ignored his siblings as they all flocked around her. He took her in.

She was wearing a cloak, which Jason quickly took and gave to a passing maid. She wore one of her black dresses. Her hair was in a braid.

But the cloak was dirty, the dress had tears and the braid was messy.

But it was her eyes that got him. The blue irises looked like someone had taken every drop of sadness in the world and left it in them. They were red rimmed and puffy and there were black bags under them.

She’d been crying and she hadn’t slept. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

Somewhere along the line, they moved back into the living room. Cass was sitting next to Marinette on the couch and the others were arguing.

Damian couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was here. She was safe. She wasn’t taken.

Cass tapped his arm, he turned to look at her and she started signing. (a/n ok yeah I know that sign language might not have existed but do I really care?)

Get her out of here, she’s tired, Cass signed.

Damian nodded and after asking her permission and scolding his siblings, he escorted her to her room.

Plagg whispered something to her that he couldn’t hear. 

Then she apologized for scaring him and he explained his thought process. She explained that he would’ve been able to know via their miraculous whether she was in trouble or not. He made a mental note to ask Plagg more about that.

When they got to her room he opened her door. She was about to go in but he grabbed her hand, stopping her. She looked at him expectantly. He searched her gaze, he had so much he wanted to ask her, why she’d been crying was at the top of that list.

But she looked so tired, and Damian just couldn’t get himself to form the words. Instead he bid her goodnight and went back to the living room where his siblings were waiting.

All eyes turned to him when he entered. He didn’t know what to say. Instead of thinking his words through he blurted out the first thing he thought.

“She didn’t flinch when our eyes met,” he said. They all stared at him for a few seconds. Usually they would’ve laughed at his bluntness, Damian is certain, but there was something about the haunted look on her face that sapped all humor out of the situation.

Jason was crouched in front of the fire. Stephanie sat on one of the chairs while Dick leaned against its armrest. Damian was next to Cassandra on the couch and the five of them sat in silence.

Millions of questions danced through the air, the answers all just out of reach.

Little did they know that they weren’t the only ones with questions.

Outside, three pairs of eyes were watching the oblivious siblings closely.

Damian felt a chill go down his spine and turned towards the window. He walked over and stared out into the forest, he didn’t see anyone but the uneasy feeling wouldn’t leave him.

He closed the curtains.

The smallest of the three chuckled slightly, “She got herself a paranoid one, huh?”

“We need to head back,” the only guy out of the three said to the others.

They nodded and followed him deeper into the forest.

Taglist:

@animegirlweeb @loysydark @toodaloo-kangaroo @forgottenfriends @wolf-for-life @heyitsbugette @f-rget-lt @fusser90

[sarahjtv]

BNHA 296 Spoiler Thoughts

Ok, wow.  I was just sitting down enjoying my Sunday when the next chapter suddenly decides to drop onto our laps and bring us all to tears.  I did not expect it, but I welcome it with somber feels.  Of course, since this is the aftermath chapter, I have a lot thoughts.  Here we go:

•The chapter starts off with narration from Deku on what happened after the big battle.  This tells us that he’s still alive (presumedly) thank god.  There’s a panel later that shows him on a stretcher (I think) or a bed, but he’s unconscious.  Regardless, I don’t see Deku’s limbs going back to normal after all this unless something comes in to fix them.  Eri’s not an option here because she used all her energy on Mirio recently, so don’t go thinking that’ll work unless there’s a time-skip.

•So far, Pixie Bob, Wash, Present Mic, and Thirteen are still alive and fighting.  Thirteen, however, seems to have lost an arm when she was in the lab... We do see some of her face, so that’s a reveal if anything.  

•Deku says that their were at least 10 Near High-End Nomu in that battlefield.  3 of them were disposed and 7 escaped.  We did see one get captured by Best Jeanist in the last chapter so maybe they can get some intel from it.

•Mr. Compress is alive!  I’m honestly glad that he’s alive because I could’ve sworn he was going to die.  That reveal we had about him being the descendent of the Perilous Thief was just too big for him to be killed off right away.  I’m hoping we can learn more about him and the Thief later.

•Back at the resort: ReDestro, Getten, Trumpet, and more than 16,900 PLF soldiers were caught.  Edgeshot is still alive too, but he looks tired and his arm is messed up.  I do not see that Old Samurai hero from the top 10 around, so my best bet is that he’s alive.  I hope...

•Now, we REALLY get a look at all the death and destruction that this war has caused.  Adults, kids, and families are either injured or dead.  Everyone is traumatized.  Thankfully Froppy and Uraraka (I can’t spell her first name right to save me...) are working on rescuing (Uraraka in particular is good for this thanks to her Zero Gravity).  A lot of other heroes like Koda and Manga are helping out too, but the screams of people in pain and horror do not leave the pages and it’s honestly haunting to read.

•And poor Uraraka.  As she’s saving people, you can see her hair get messier and messier.  There’s one really well-drawn, but sad, panel of her with spots of blood on her and her hair isn’t “floaty” like it normally is.  It’s droopy and straight down like she’s been caught in rain or something.  I’m not used to her being like this.  This war is going to make her rethink things, I think.  

•There’s one hero, who in the mist of all this, says that this whole thing was a mistake.  He’s thinking about finding a new job.  I highly doubt he’s the only on thinking this.  War affects people badly.  They want to fight for the greater good, but the cost is their own mentality, physicality, and even their lives.  Sometimes other people’s lives.  So, in a world of heroes where things like this happen on a devastating scale, you have to wonder “Is being a hero really worth it?”  I’m sure more heroes, maybe even students, will be thinking about this in the future.  I won’t be surprised if some quit entirely.   

•And now the hero death toll.  Oh my god...  The first thing I saw when I saw the leaks was Midnight’s death.  I’m devastated.  Her horniness aside, I loved her character.  Midnight genuinely cared for her students and wanted them to grow into amazing heroes.  She supported her high school friends, Present Mic and Aizawa, the whole way through including Shirakumo’s death.  She adopted the cat the 4 of them took care of during high school and I believe it’s still alive today.  I can’t imagine what Mic and Aizawa are going to feel when they hear about this.  I honestly thought she was going to make it out alive.  I thought that she was safe and had some plot armor on her.  But no.  She’s dead.  Midnights’s not coming back.  The students are mourning her especially Mina, Kirishima, and Momo.  The three main players in the sedative plan.  Their plan worked, but had it worked sooner, a lot of lives could’ve been saved.  Ultimately, none of this is their fault, but it’s going to weigh on them heavily.  Please give these kids therapy.

•Adding onto Midnight, heroes like Crust, Majestic, X-Less, and Native are dead.  We know about Midnight, Crust, and X-Less now, but the rest were not known yet.  I doubled out Majectic and Native here for reasons.  Majestic was Momo’s 2nd intern mentor before the war.  We didn’t know much about him or his Quirk (it was some sort of levitation via ring platforms), but he did save the student’s lives when they were about to be run over by Gigantomachia.  Looks like that was a sacrifice.  Native, if you remember, was the hero Iida, Deku, and Shoto saved back in Hosu back when they fought Stain.  We didn’t know much about him, but it sucks to know that he was saved then only to be killed now.  This will probably hurt Iida, Deku, and Shoto real bad knowing that saving him became pretty null and void in the end.  

•Aside from that, the rest of them look like they were young, in their prime, or veterans in the world of Pro Heroes.  It just sucks in general to have to see all these lives cut short.  But, that’s how war goes, unfortunately.  

•Endeavor...  I’m one of the people who actually like Endeavor.  I will never forgive him for what he did to Shoto and his family pre-Sports Festival.  But, I wanted to see how he would redeem himself after Kosu.  So far, he was doing well.  He didn’t expect forgiveness and only wanted to atone.  Everything in the Todoroki family was finally going well.  And then Dabi/Touya showed up and screwed up everything.  Now, everyone knows about Endeavor’s past as an abuser and they will never see him in the same light again.  I don’t think he has a choice but to admit to his sins publicly and then retire.  I hate the idea because he is a good hero, but I don’t see any other way he’s going to get out of this.  Same with Hawks.  I don't see him going back to hero work either.  

•There’s one small panel with 2 kids from the short Remedial Course Arc we got with Shoto and Bakugo.  Rough translation, one of the kids asks if things will be okay and the other says that they’ll be fine because “That’s what Five Weenies told us after all!”  This broke me.  “Five Weenies” refers to Shoto Todoroki.  As funny as this should be, hearing that Shoto, the one who arguably got mentally scared the most in this whole battle, still gives those kids hope that everything will be okay... I just don’t know what to say.  I’m glad Shoto kept those kid’s spirits alive (Bakugo did too; neither are visibly in this chapter for some reason), but he is by no means “fine”.  #GiveShotoTodorokiTherapy2020

•And finally All For One.  Fuck this guy.  All that death and destruction and he wants more.  The translation’s still rough, but based on what he says in the end, I think we are going to get a Prison Break Arc.  He says “Go free my main body.” to the Nomus  AFO is still in Tartarus.  Guess who else is there?  Stain, Overhaul (the Ultra Analysis said that he got prosthetics or something for his arms and his Quirk adapted to that) , Moonfish, Kurogiri, I think Muscular, and plenty of other villains.  Horikoshi hinted that Moonfish might come back (he was apparently going to executed, but idk...) and the preview says “The worst is yet to come”...  Yeah, this war is over.  We’re really only just beginning.