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racefortheironthrone · 1 year

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BOE, the Messenger(s), and the Trillionaires

Introduction

I’ve been doing a re-read of the Locked Tomb - although technically it’s a re-listen, because I like the audiobooks - and I stumbled across a particular passage that hadn’t stuck in my memory before that made me rethink my understanding of the origin of Blood of Eden. Ever since Harrow the Ninth and especially since Nona the Ninth, there’s been this common interpretation that the BOE are descendants of the trillionaires who abandoned Earth and that’s why John is at war with them. I’m not so sure that’s true any more.

Here’s why. In Nona, when the whole business with Crown/Corona infiltrating the barracks kicks off, there’s an interesting exchange between Camilla and We Suffer about the Oversight Committee that includes this statement:

“Hect, what you must understand about Blood of Eden is that we own things in common, we share responsibilities and resources in common. She could have moved these resources at will...but I must make one move at a time. And above all, I must place the safety of...Blood of Eden’s continuity...even above the mission.” (Emphasis mine.)

This took me aback somewhat, because the emphasis on militant communal ownership doesn’t really fit with the idea of “descendants of trillionaires.” I suppose one could say that it’s been ten thousand years, cultures change and drift over time...except that, as I’ll get into later, the BOE seems very very insistent on cultural preservation, so it would be a bit out-of-character if they changed that stance on this one particular issue.

And that’s what made me think: what if the BOE aren’t the descendants of the trillionaires? What if they’re the descendants of the non-trillionaires on the FTL ships?

East of Eden: A Theory About What Happened After the FTL Ships Jumped

So here’s the question that’s been percolating in my mind: once you’re out in space, why keep listening to the trillionaires, especially about the vital question of who owns the precious resources brought from Eden and who gets to decide happens next? There would probably be some residual cultural deference to the visionary disruptors, but the traditional answers of property law backed up by the state or men with guns paid to enforce the orders of the capitalists kind of break down when you consider that:

In John’s chapters (and verses) in Nona, we get an account of what happened leading up to and during the Resurrection: according to John, the trillionaires pulled a con job on the planet with their FTL ships, pretending that a fleet of twelve ships, each carrying a few thousand people (made up of “hand-picked guys” and “two hundred nominated people”), was merely the first wave of a planetary evacuation. As Mercymorn and others worked out, there were no future waves, no plan to come back and pick up more, the trillionaires had liquidated their cash and financial assets in favor of buying up material resources they’d need in space, and everyone else was being left for dead.

These twelve ships (possibly minus one, it’s not clear whether John managed to destroy the one he grabbed before it jumped) and the 20-odd thousand people on them must be the ancestors of exo-humanity as it exists in the myriadic year. But we know that of those 20-odd thousand people, only a “half-dozen” were the trillionaires. Everyone else was staff they’d selected to do the work of planetary colonization, plus a tiny group of people chosen by the governments of Earth Eden.

other than 200 randos who are likely to be recruited from the ranks of elected officials and upper management bureaucracy rather than Special Forces, the forces of the state are not only light-years away but also just got eaten by John Gaius.

it’s a bit harder to pull off the Jay Gould method when you’ve turned all of your cash into raw materials, there’s nowhere to spend cash in space, and it doesn’t take long for men with guns in that scenario to decide that the resources belong to them actually, because they have the guns.

While we know that some form of a market economy exists on New Rho and the other exo-planets, there doesn’t seem to be any sign of an oligarchical ruling class based on ownership of capital. Rather, we see a state of anarchy where there is no hegemonic entity but duelling centers of power. This suggests to me that the trillionaires’ power did not last very long after human settlement outside the solar system, possibly due to a (potentially bloodless) revolution in which the only surviving members of humanity just decided not to listen to six old (white) men and took their shit in order to survive.

In that scenario, I could see it being the case that the collective memory of communal ownership of property in the midst of a crisis could linger among a certain sub-population and provide the origin for this aspect of BOE’s internal culture.

So where did BOE come from?

Well, in large part it emerged as an organic response to John Gaius’ imperialist campaign against exo-humanity. As I noted elsewhere, John’s revenge against those who abandoned Earth in her hour of need is essentially a re-enactment of colonialism - the Cohort shows up with their overwhelming military might, forces the local population into subjugation with unequal treaties, imposes its language and customs, destroys the natural environment in a drive for short-term resource extraction, and then forces people into an endless cycle of being resettled on reservations over and over again - which makes a certain sick sense, in that it’s probably the worst thing that a Kiwi of Maori heritage could think of doing to their enemies.

He even goes to the extent of modelling the Cohort uniforms on 19th century British Army uniforms with the colors reversed, and coming up with his own gloss on the Christianity that was imposed on indigenous populations in the name of “civilizing” them. This campaign is only mystifying to outside observers like Augustine and Coronabeth because they don’t have the cultural context to know what John’s up to (in no small part because he’s used his necromantic powers and political position in order to suppress all knowledge of that context).

And thus, it’s not that surprising that John’s imperialism provoked anti-colonial resistance: when his Empire made contact with exo-humanity, to the extent that anyone still remembered him, it was as the horrific necromantic cult leader who murdered the ten billion and destroyed Eden, and now he’s come to finish the job in the name of collective punishment for the sins of six dead men, and by the way he’s bringing death and the defilement of the dead and the destruction of everything you’ve ever built with him. There probably have been dozens and hundreds of resistance movements - some local, some planetary, some multi-planetary - that rose up and got crushed over thousands of years.

So what makes BOE different from all other resistance movements?

The Messenger(s)

I want to go back a few thousand years and talk about what happened when the FTL ships managed to escape the solar system. While interplanetary colonization would always be an incredibly stressful experience even without a revolution, the fact that all of this was happening in the wake of John nuking Earth and killing the ten billion, then devouring the solar system, and their narrow escape from his wrothful grasp would have added an entirely different level of terror to the event - but also a new sense of responsibility.

Because - regardless of whether people on the FTL ships knew about the trillionaires’ supposed plan to abandon humanity on Earth or believed John’s accusations - they were now the sole survivors of humanity, the carriers of all culture and history. The ao3 author Griselda_Gimpel has a really good series of fics imagining the development of exo-humanity from the FTL ships onwards, and in one scene they mention the enormous sense of cultural loss that people on those ships would have felt when they realized that the internet was gone forever.

And this got me thinking: what if some nerds on those ships had that kind of profound reaction and decided to preserve as much of Earth’s heritage as possible? How would you do that with limited access to computer storage and humanity potentially scattering across multiple planets, and knowledge being lost forever with the march of time as the original settler generation died off and was replaced by new generations born outside the solar system? I think the answer is:

Oral tradition. See, one of the things that fans of the series have been talking about for a while is the implications of the myriadic duration of the Empire, what that would have done to language and culture in the Nine Houses and among BOE, how is it that people can still be speaking the same language or reading the same writing as from the time of the Resurrection, let alone remember memes and cultural references from the 21st century? This is a fair reaction from a Western perspective - after all, ten thousand years ago would be roughly 8000 BCE or smack dab in the Early Neolithic. Surely it would have been impossible for the memory of Earth to have survived that long.

But, as people have said, Tamsyn Muir is writing a very Kiwi series. And one of the things that is very distinctive about the culture of Aotearoa is the oral traditions of the Maori and Pasifika cultures more generally. While Maori oral histories go back to the 13th century CE when Aotearoa was settled, Australian Aboriginal oral tradition goes back as far as potentially 30,000-40,000 years. Oral tradition is not perfectly reliable, it undergoes drift and change over time, it can experience loss and disruption (from colonization, for example), but it can endure across millennia.

My theory is that these nerds on the FTL ships or their descendants dedicated themselves to the mission of cultural preservation through oral tradition, and thus the Messengers were born. And at some point, the Messengers met up with Blood of Eden and explained that John Gaius’ colonial campaign wasn’t just an unjustified act of aggression and imperialism, but an act of cultural genocide stretching back 10,000 years:

“I charge you with...the utter disintegration of institutions political and social, languages, cultures, religions, all niceties and personal liberties of the nations, by use of-”

“...they’re dead words--a human chain reaching back ten thousand years...how did they feel?” (Harrow the Ninth)

Somewhere around this point, then, BOE took as its mission the preservation of the Messengers, which is why they are given BOE bodyguards, why discharging a weapon in their presence is grounds for execution, and why they are both deeply respected and honored by BOE but kept away from sensitive missions and not necessarily kept in the loop on critical intel.

Why AIM is “They”

This part of my theory suggested an explanation for why AIM is called “they” by Blood of Eden, and why Palamedes Sextus sensed a necromantic implant when they “stumbled” into AIM at the school. We know that the Sixth House has been in contact with Blood of Eden for a very long time, and that Cassiopeia was not only responsible for the Sixth’s “break clause” but also was BOE’s “Source Gram.”

My theory is that Cassiopeia and the Sixth, being a bunch of librarian nerds obsessed with the preservation of cultural knowledge, would never have been entirely comfortable with taking John Gaius’ word for what happened during the Resurrection and what life was like on pre-Resurrection Earth. The natural place to look for an alternate source of documentation would be exo-humanity, and I think she/they went looking clandestinely and came across the Messengers and BOE. Somehow, they avoided killing each other and came to a modus vivendi.

I think part of this modus vivendi was an offer by Cassiopeia/the Sixth to provide the Messengers with an improved means of preserving their oral tradition: namely, a necromantic implant that would preserve the ghosts of dead Messengers and let them communicate with their successors, ensuring that the oral tradition could be passed down perfectly from generation to generation. After all, not only are the Sixth House spirit magicians, but they are specialist psychometricians who know better than anyone else how to pull information about and from the past from material objects, and it was Doctor Sex who gave Palamedes the idea for preserving revenant spirits after death by giving them a physical anchor.

Hence, AIM is they because they are a collective “human chain” of all the Messengers who came before them - they have the voices of hundreds of cultural preservations in their heads, telling them of all that was lost with the fall of Eden. No wonder they want to play school teacher and be “she” for a while.

Conclusion

TLDR: BOE aren’t trillionaires, they’re commie terrorists with a fetish for cultural preservation. So I guess this makes the whole war a case of leftist infighting, considered in the long run?

#the locked tomb #blood of eden #boe #aim #the messenger #the angel #ntn #ntn spoilers #nona the ninth #pash #our lady of the passion #the sixth house #cassiopeia #tlt

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thefiery-phoenix · 2 months

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YANDERE TODOMOMO HEADCANNONS

They were already dating by the time they met you. They though you were like everyone else, just a regular classmate of theirs, however, they had no idea how WRONG they were

To be precise, you were actually kinda hard to ignore, the way your eyes lit and sparkled when people talked about your favorite thing, the way your dazzling smile could make a person see stars, the way your innocence shone through and the determination you always had to help people out no matter what was what attracted them to you. How could you expect BOTH of them NOT to fall INSANELY in love with you?

However, they were scared and nervous to ask you out since they thought that you might find them weird and creepy and so, they kept themselves satisfied by stalking you or 'keeping a close eye on you so nothing bad happens to you' and admired you from far

As much as they find your will and iron determination too cute and adorable, they just PRAY and hope that you won't want to become a pro hero in the future since they're really worried about you getting hurt. One time, you had a really nasty gash on your arm after a villain attack and after that, Momo started sniffling and crying saying how she'd be devastated if something bad happened to you while Todoroki looked like he was going to someone's funeral. Let's just say that if they weren't clingy then, they MOST CERTAINLY WILL BE now

They know their feelings are crazy, but they're so madly in love with you they can't ignore them. So if you find a mysterious love letter in your locker or small gifts for you here and there, that's no doubt Todoroki and Momo since they're rich kids and all, they just LOVE showing you how much they love you by yeeting presents in your locker (Anonymously, of course)

On a scale on 1-10, to you, they'll just be a solid 2 or 2.5 since you're their divine angel sent from the heavens itself for them to WORSHIP!! They have a GOD DAMN WAREHOUSE filled with all your favorite stuff and before you ask how the hell they managed to pull THAT off, as stated before, they're rich kids and so they have all the required resources and necessities for you to be satisfied

They will get INSANELY jealous and be fuming with rage, envy and jealousy when they see you talking or laughing or smiling at someone else. They have the emotional range of a GALAXY when it comes to you. How DARE that filthy annoying pesky scumbag be right NEXT to you!? Oh gods.... he was TOUCHING you!! He PATTED your SHOULDER!!! Well, this is gonna drive 'em insane over the edge and they'll be plotting murder, that's for sure. Satan spawns

When you get kidnapped, they'll understand how you feel and they'll be sympathetic. They might kidnap you if they think you're not capable of taking care of yourself and with proper planning, they're gonna keep you under their care. You guys in a mood for surprises? Well, you're gonna get a HUGE one now.....

Endeavour will find out about the obsession his youngest son and his girlfriend have for you and he's gonna actually ENCOURAGE IT, believe it or not (ENDATRASHHHHH I'm coming for ya) and GET THIS!!!: HE'S gonna be the one who's going to make sure you have everything you want and he'll install high tech level security systems around the place you guys are at

Momo will worship TF outta you. She dresses you up in all sorts of fancy clothing, makes you eat overly rich food till you're gonna be BEGGING her to stop but she insists on treating you like royalty. Every touch is gonna feel like paradise and heaven for her. And she just wants to take good care of her darling little angel, and provide you with comfort and the BEST of the BEST!

Shoto's intentions towards you can be a bit....unpredictable. Momo might be a gullible yandere, ask for something, you get it. Shoto on the other tends to keep a close eye on you, suspicious whether you would be upto something and always makes sure to see what you're doing. His calculating look analyzes your every move before you can even act upon them

When it comes to punishments, Shoto ain't gonna take it easy on you. He wants to freeze and burn you mildly of course as a reminder that you belong ONLY to THEM and no one else but Momo will intervene and stop him and calm him down. At the very least, your punishment might be having your favorite things taken away from you but they just can't hurt you at all. They DON'T WANT to. Momo will NEVER EVER let Todoroki lay a hand on you and treat you wrong though it might take a while to gain back both of their trust

Aftercare with them is like paradise. They'll smother you with lots of love and treat you like a newfound puppy and take care of you like you're glass

When it comes to dealing with rivals and other enemies who want to steal you away from them , your 'protectors', they are a SOLID 100000000/10 and that people is a FACT! Seriously, whoever tries anything with you is just BEGGING them for a death wish and since they're pro heroes, they're gonna make their death look like some sort of accident after they're done torturing them. Lol, they make Sangwoo and Hitler look like Barney the Dinosaur when it comes to murder

They're manipulative, controlling and possessive of you. Will constantly bicker as to where to take you out on dates after you finally develop Stockholm Syndrome

#yandere bnha #yandere bnha x reader #yandere bnha scenarios #yandere bnha oneshots #yandere todoroki x reader x yandere momo #yandere shoto todoroki x reader x yandere yaoyorozou momo #yandere todomomo scenarios #yandere todomomo headcanons #yandere todomomo imagines #yandere todomomo x reader #poly yanderes #poly yanderes x reader #poly yandere todoroki and momo

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phoenixkaptain · 1 year

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The scene of Anakin turning back to the Light and saving Luke is such a beautiful scene in so many ways, but especially from a character standpoint.

If you look at Darth Vader just in the movies, he doesn’t do things without a plan. He has a step two. Even if his step two is immensely dumb, he always seems to at least have some form of an idea where he wants to end up; he has a point B he’s trying to reach.

Part of what makes Vader a terrifying villain is that he always seems to anticipate what his opponent will do. He seems to know what they’ll do before they even think about what they’ll do. Very rarely is Darth Vader ever taken by surprise. Darth Vader is the character who proves how scary the Force can be. While Palpatine uses his Force lightning and can predict what his opponents will do, he never quite reaches the level Anakin is on, he never reaches that peak of knowing the next five steps his opponent is going to take, even as those next five steps change.

Palpatine doesn’t see Vader turning on him coming. Palpatine is not a Force user who can see the future, he uses the predictions Darth Plagueis made and he sticks to the outline provided by his former Master. He does everything he does and believes everything will be fine and has complete confidence in himself because Plagueis was just that good at predicting the future.

Darth Vader literally changes the future. He makes those predictions false. Him throwing Palpatine down a reactor shaft wasn’t in the books, him choosing his son wasn’t an option, the idea that a Sith lord as powerful as Darth Vader could turn back from the Dark Side is believed by the Jedi and Sith alike to be impossible. Darth Vader himself doesn’t even believe that he can turn back from the Dark Side. The only character who ever believes that Darth Vader can come back is Luke.

Darth Vader is fifteen steps ahead of his opponents. It’s very rare that he ever gets surprised. He always has a plan.

But when he saves Luke, he isn’t any of that. He leaps in without a plan, without any ideas of where he’s goung. He doesn’t know what will happen except that he’ll probably die. He doesn’t have a way out of this. This is the first time Anakin Skywalker ever does anything without already having a way out or immediately being able to come up with a way out.

Anakin was hotheaded and impulsive, yes, but Anakin from his introduction always has a plan B. And when he doesn’t have a plan B, he makes one. He is by far the most competent character in Star Wars, just from his ability to get himself and others out of trouble.

In the moment of turning back from the Dark, Anakin is listening to the Force. He’s listening to the Force as it tells him to save someone. The universal call to the Jedi, the inexplicable push that all Jedi feel and what ultimately led to the majority of Jedi dying, just because they couldn’t not listen when the Force told them to help. Anakin finally listens to it, finally answers it, he finally acts like a Jedi.

There’s no step two. There’s no way out. Doing this will end in his death. Darth Vader is already injured, and the only one who has the resources to put him back together is Sidious. To save Luke, Vader has to step into the lightning, which he knows all to well will ruin his suit. Choosing to save Luke is tantamount to choosing to die.

And he does it. He hesitates, but ultimately, he sacrifices himself for someone else. He goes in knowing that this won’t end with him being able to get out. He has no way out. There’s no plan B. His suit has gone from keeping him alive to being part of the reason he’s dying. He takes off his helmet accepting that he’ll die and being happy to die because he’s finally at peace, he finally feels the warmth of the Force, he finally sees his son with his own eyes, his son is finally looking at him with nothing but trust and worry for his wellbeing, he’s right where he wants to be.

He went from wanting to posess Luke to just being happy that Luke is there with him. That Luke is the one by his side when he dies, that he’s dying on the same side as Luke — Anakin is fine with this. He’s ready to die. He’s accepted it. He’s just happy that the last thing he’ll see is the product of his and Padme’s love for each other.

The scenes of Anakin in Return of the Jedi are beautiful. The title “Return of the Jedi” is so great for this movie, it’s perfect, okay, you don’t understand. It has so many meanings!! The Jedi returning could be referring to Luke, the main Jedi we follow, returning to the screen, or to Tatooine. It could be referring to the Jedi Order, since Luke takes on Yoda’s request to share his knowledge with others and, with Sidious dead, the Jedi Order has functionally returned, even if it is only one member strong. It could refer to Yoda returning, it could refer to Obi-Wan returning.

Or, Return of the Jedi could be referring to Anakin. Anakin Skywalker, the son of the Force. Anakin Skywalker, the only character powerful enough to change the future itself, the only Sith Lord powerful enough to stop being a Sith Lord. Anakin Skywalker, who has always done impossible things, who has always performed impossible feats, who is himself impossible. And he’s back. He’s returned. The Jedi returned.

#star wars #anakin skywalker #darth vader #luke skywalker #return of the jedi #star wars original trilogy #the inane ramblings of a madman #woke up thinkin about him #anakin my love my darling my blorbo #my baby my girl my boy my baby my dear my dearest darling my utmost affection #will stand here on my soapbox and say #the scene of vader turning on palpatine is the best scene ever made ever #it’s dramatic it’s daring it’s beautiful it’s meaningful it’s amazing #it’s a turning point that turns the entire galaxy on its head #the force is over there like a soccer mom screaming ‘fuck yeah that’s my boy!!!!’#and i am right there beside it #anakin my darling you’re doing amazing you’re showstopping you’re perfect i love yo-#anyway star wars was pretty good huh #a okay movies if you ask me #i’m so glad #that anakin killed palpatine #he def kill palps #nothing disproves that he killed palps #palps is dead for good and never coming back #anakin did great i’m so proud of him #so glad palpatine is dead yup dead and gone no doubt #sequel? you mean the movies where the main antagonist #turned out to be a dry piece of toast?#yes of course i remember dryth toastatine in the sequels #do glad ani killed sidious so dryth toastatine could rise

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sunisglowing · 1 year

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FULL MOON IN HASTA NAKSHATRA - PICK A CARD

(sidereal virgo)

WHAT IS MANIFESTING/COMING IN YOUR HANDS? 🌕

PILE 1

You are getting the recognition you deserve. A lot of your have been planning for a celebration. There's a lot of partying and dancing. You will be having fun there. Some of you might be going to a concert soon of a very famous celebrity. Some of you will win a competition or you will perform in front of a crowd. You will be showcasing your talents and getting attention for it. Be ready for a lot of eyes and compliments on you.

I'm seeing that you might have a stage fear or the fear of what all hate and drama comes when you are famous or in the public eye. You are scared of bullying and people bad mouthing you. You might also fear that if you do/did something wrong, you might get caught.

My advice is to keep moving forward even if you fear these things. Because success is in the cards. Some of you might be leaving home and relocating somewhere. You might be fearing to leave your comfort zone rn. Know that it's going to be okay and you will find new people there you will understand your emotions and provide you with security and comfort.

Get out of your comfort zone. It will help you a lot and you will find people a lot people who are gonna help you in your work. Some of you might also be travelling for work.

PILE 2

You have been putting in the work and moving forward slowly in terms of finances. You are building up your finances. You will have to be patient to achieve your goal. You will be achieving material security in your hands that you have been building for a long time. You willing be getting the results of your efforts. Just please be patient.

You have built something stable. It might be for some of you that you have achieved this goal and now you are thinking about your next journey or wish. You might be wanting to start something new. You might be thinking about the next thing you want to pursue and you have a lot of options. Relax, don't worry so much about it.

You have a lot of ideas in your mind right now. Carefully analyse those options, think things through. Divide and analyse the pros and cons. Don't make hasty decisions. Don't wait for the approval of others, just jump once you have decided to swim in the waters. The only approval that matters is your own.

I'm seeing that whatever path you decide to embark on, you will become an expert in it. A leader and powerfigure of some sort. You might also go and attend a school or course for this path. I feel a lot of you will go to a formal education or training for it.

Through this, you will be able to see things from different perspective and have a broad view of the subject. You will be seen as a go to or authority figure/leader in the future in this path. You will become open minded and make better decisions. People will come to you for advice.

PILE 3

For pile 3, I see life has been pretty rough lately. Some of you have been feeling out of balance because of your pain. You might have been betrayed or had ended a relationship (platonic, romantic, any) with someone and it has been rough. You might have had difficulty in dealing with your pain and that might have affected your studies or work.

You personal life might have affected your financial or career goals. I see you might have been facing challenges after challenges in career as well as personal or love life. Now, the good part is that you will be getting opportunities in career or studies. You will start laying the stable foundations with hardwork and training. You might be going for some sort of training or study.

Starting again on the solid ground. You have the resources and finances to move forward and get your life together. You just have to be a little more patient. Don't think that gloomy phase you have been will last forever.

Whatever opportunities you are manifesting or wanting to arrive will only be given to you by efforts. So you have to pick yourself up back and start moving for. Don't expect to arrive something for just in case if you have been waiting.

Also with new goals, there will come new challenges that you have to face. There is still people who will try to do you wrong or hinder you in achieving your goals. These people will be revealed to you, maybe they have been or they will be soon. You are wiser now, so you know whom to trust and pick out who is untrustworthy. Some 6th house energy coming from this pile or you are going through a 6H transit.

There's a lot of competition coming towards you so please be prepared. Also be prepared that some people will be nasty towards you and will do something to put you down. Keep your goals and plans private and don't tell tye new opportunities that coming to you to people right now. I really feel someone or some people will betray you and will hinder you from achieving your goals, so yeah I'm repeating be prepared lol😭

PILE 4

Some of you might have went through a loss. Something that happened in the past might have left you feeling in deep sorrow, broken and unstable. You might have been feeling lonely and isolated, just reminiscing in the past.

This something that ended and there's has been deep feelings of anger and disappointment. You might have been crying over spilt milk. There was a death of someone close to you or something that had died that has deeply affected you. Intense dark emotions govern you at present.

It's time to say goodbye to this phase of yours and move on. It feels like there's a change coming in your life. You might have been running away from feeling all these intense emotions and going through the grief. Nobody else will be able to heal you even if there's good people in your life.

You might be finding it hard to accept that loss. Maybe you are escaping from the pain by going doing all things that have thrill and speed. That will only make you feel restless when you are alone with your own thoughts. Think about what you are doing and it's motive.

You are accepting and letting go of the loss. Feel those emotions. You might have been really private or would have deactivated your socials. Some of you don't like being out in public or getting unwanted attention. You don't like to show your vulnerable self in the public.

This phase of grieving is coming to an end and you will be chasing after new goals. New opportunities for work related travel is coming towards some of you. This time you are putting efforts to move forward in life. Some of you might be relocating as you don't really like being in the same environment. Most of you are moving on from the past to something better and more productive for you.

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boxfullaturtles · 6 months

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"For someone who can see the future, he's very...stable." "The Herald? Oh, Titan, no, that creature is entirely mad." "Such disrespect! What makes you say such a thing!?" "If you had seen the way he laughs in the face of danger, you would not think me so wrong..."

didn't even try to make this one cover a bingo spot lol, just really wanted to get this out of my system

transcripts are under the cut!

[Choosing Hope AU Masterpost]

The Herald appeared to the Yokai in the winter of 19XX. He brought with him a message of peace and unity, and mystic powers the likes of which had not been seen since the ancient wars.

(An artistic rendering of the first time I witnessed The Herald)

He traveled the Hidden City, healing and giving aid to any who asked. He encouraged the Yokai to forge bonds of trust with the human race, to cast aside our fears and hatred and to make both races stronger through unity and friendship. Such speak was initially met with scorn and disgust.

It is not known when precisely The Herald approached the Council of Heads, it is only known that he did. Whatever was discussed there is not for us to know. All that is known for certain is that there was talk of the old prophecy, the one that said a great and terrible destruction would one day befall the Yokai. The Herald revealed that it was not just the Yokai who would suffer, but the human race as well. The entire earth would be scalded and left a barren wasteland, devoid of all life, rotten and desolate. If the yokai and the humans did not unite against this danger, then all of us would die and our history forgotten. Needless to say, The Herald got his wish and plans were made to begin connecting with the humans.

Many of us still have our doubts. The humans drove us underground out of fear and ignorance. They have shunned magic and mysticism and fight amongst themselves like feral beasts. They poison the Earth with their machines and destroy much of its natural beauty. They will end us all by depleting the planet’s resources. If anything is a threat to the Yokai than surely it is the humans themselves. Perhaps it would be better to take the initiative in such matters and wipe out the human race before they can ruin things further… Ah, but The Herald has called for an audience with me, so I will table my ideas for the moment. I doubt anything he says will convince me to change my mind when it comes to the human plague that has ruined our lives. Still, I am not so arrogant as to ignore such a powerful and wise being.

I will hear him out. If only to scoff in his face later. There have been Yokai like him before - fools who believe that humans and Yokai can live together in peace. The fools are either silenced by the Council...or the humans do the job. I do not know what tricks this Herald has played upon the Council, but they will not work on the great and powerful Baron Draxum. Humanity is a plague, the worst thing to happen to this planet. I will listen to The Herald. But I will not change my mind.

I WAS WRONG

By Titan, I was wrong. It has been...several hours since my visit with The Herald. I had to take some time to calm myself. The things that The Herald showed me were the stuff of nightmares. He used his mystic powers to present me with terrible visions of the future. I know this kind of magic, I know he could not have faked the things that I was witness to. I now understand why the Council listened to him so readily. I am willing to join his cause, and I have said as much to him. The Herald seemed delighted at my agreement. I asked him what our next steps were to be, and to my utter shock he said, “Those plans you were concocting, the ones for a group of powerful warriors that could wipe out the human race? Hold onto them. We will have need of them soon enough.”

He knew of my plans. Plans that I had told to no one, plans that had not even yet been written down. He truly must be a prophet. A Herald.

I have some thinking I must do. And some planning. I do not know what The Herald will ask of me, but I will do whatever it takes to stop that terrible future from happening.

#i am never sure if i'm being too subtle about The Herald or not...#rottmnt #choosing hope au #sage writes turtles

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the-cu-genswap-au · 10 months

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next: updated refs for the main adult cast (aka, the other core quintet)

- As principal of Jerome Horwitz Elementary, Erica Wang has dedicated her career to making sure every child in her school gets the support they need. Under Erica's leadership, JHES is a much less depressing place, sporting features like an art program, a fully-stocked library, after school tutoring, and an actual full-time school nurse.

- Erica herself also likes to take a hands-on approach with students, taking notice of anyone who seems to be struggling either academically or socially and working together with Bo to figure out the best course of action. While her intentions are definitely in the right place and come from a sense of genuine care, she does have a habit of forgetting to ask the students themselves what they think of her ideas....

- Design note: Erica's design is a fusion of her main kid design and her future "Grace Wain" persona

- Bo Hweemuth is the school's student guidance counselor, which basically means his job is to talk to students and help get them any resources they need, both in and outside of school. Though a lot of students feel intimidated by him at first glance, he's actually a very chill guy who likes to approach students with as much kindness and empathy as he can. He knows what it's like to be treated like a nuisance.

- Besides being co-workers, Bo is actually very good friends with Principal Wang, genuinely enjoying the work they do together to make sure every child at Jerome Horwitz can thrive.... despite any misgivings he might have about her approach. And speaking of co-workers, he's also recently struck up a pretty close friendship with the school librarian....

- In his spare time, he likes to experiment with clay sculpture. His office is decorated with all the little sculptures and figures he's made over the years.

- George Beard and Harold Hutchins are known around school as That One Pair Of Teachers; they're always together and are each other's best friend, even outside of work. To their students, they're some of the funnest teachers they've had at JHES, since they prioritize making their classes into fun, engaging learning environments through creative lesson plans and treating their students like actual people. Especially George, since he teaches the traditionally "boring" subjects of English and Literature.

- George and Harold are also the current co-leads of the school Music and Arts Program, along with music teacher Dressy Killman. Harold mentors in art, while George handles creative writing. They like to joke that they're "professionals in their field," except they're not really joking about that and it's just that everybody thinks that they are because nobody knows anything about them outside of the school.....

- Design note: George and Harold already have canon adult designs, so I just added on a few accessories to distinguish their AU selves from their canon counterparts (George's suspenders, Harold's vest)

- Melvin Sneedly (that's Professor Sneedly to you) is starting his first year as Jerome Horwitz's new science teacher, after a regrettably failed attempt to get his robotics career off the ground. He absolutely does not want to be here, he hates teaching, he hates kids, the sooner he can get out of this terrible place the better.

- He's not exactly helping his case by driving away everyone who tries to connect with him, either. Instead of spending his break times in the staff lounge with everyone else, he's spending them holed away in his classroom, poring over lesson plans, reminders of his broken dreams, and.... other stuff. It's probably not a good idea to keep bringing these personal projects to work with him but then again, his science career did fail for a reason....

- Design note: the main design philosophy here is "hey, what would Melvinborg look like without the robot half.....?"

#all there in the manual #we like to be vague on this blog no concrete answers allowed

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arisu-artnfics · 10 months

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“A trip to Paris”

Danny Phantom crossover with Miraculous Ladybug fanfic.

Notes: This was written when season 3 of Miraculous Ladybug finished but it was never complete until now. For the @invisobang event on tumblr.

Beta and summary by: @the-oaken-muse on tumblr or The_Oaken_Muse on AO3. Future art piece by: @k-beckerart on Tumblr. (Preview art).

Chapter: 1/12 Next Versión en Español

Also on: A03 || FF || DeviantArt || Facebook.

Summary: After saving the world and all the stress of the aftermath, the Fenton family decides to take a nice, relaxing vacation to Paris. Little do they know, it's not the peaceful retreat they were expecting.

Chapter 1: “New beginnings” There are certain universal truths in life that everyone comes to accept. One such fact is that ghosts are real, another is that some ghosts are half human. It all started when those facts were proven on top of all. When the most important fact should have been the asteroid disaster –that most people had named the ‘Disasteroid’. When the end of the world was announced, to say everything devolved into chaos would be an understatement, the reality was much, much worse.

Another fact was that a tiny, almost nonexistent town in the middle of nowhere appeared in the news. The town of Amity Park gained global attention when their crazy mayor proposed a ‘solution’ to the crisis. Vlad Masters aka Vlad Plasmius was the ‘halfa’ that suggested that in order to save the world after previous, seemingly useless attempts, the solution was to simply make the asteroid intangible. Of course, that didn’t work as expected, but no surprise there, he was too preoccupied with plans of world domination to fully think things through.

Now, the whole of humanity is thankful that a single ghost, or well, a single teenager, had come up with a plan that worked. Maybe the young ghost was inspired by Vlad because of the general idea but it worked and that’s the most important part, or nobody would be alive now. The world is very thankful for that, for the braveness of Danny Phantom.

As a thank you, the people of the world erected a well deserved statue of the now global hero in each major city around the world. It was all anybody was talking about, that and the sensation of intangibility. Each person had their own story of what happened that fateful day, what it felt like to be intangible. Although that's the main topic of conversation these days, heroes have existed for a long time now. In Paris for example, Ladybug and her partner Chat Noir lead the Miraculous team, although they didn’t really have a team anymore. Closer to Amity Park, New York City is full of heroes, many of them without hidden identities. There are even rumours of heroes in other parts of the world such as in China, Brazil, some parts of Africa, London, Japan and more. The main point is that heroes aren't new or something that would surprise anybody anymore. Now the world has learned about Amity Park, its people, and its ghosts. While there are confirmed heroes and rumours of others all over the world, none of them were able to stop the asteroid hurtling towards the Earth. The world’s largest military powers had combined their resources trying to destroy the source of the end. It was later revealed that they were sabotaged thanks to the not-that-helpful help of Vlad Masters (who intervened without asking). While the whole world finally noticed the small town of Amity Park and learned all about them, and of course their crazy halfa mayor. All of the heroes who wanted to do something to help were too busy fighting the villains who decided to try something in the chaos. The world needed a new hero to step up, instead they got a villain masquerading as a saviour. Nobody could have predicted that he would fail so drastically. In the end, the Earth was saved by a new hero, another halfa, although not many people knew he was one.

In Amity Park, the GIW, known by most people as the ‘Guys In White’, were stopped by real government agents. It came out that they were actually a fake agency bankrolled by Vlad and his shady business dealings to protect citizens of Amity Park and Vlad when he was there. Vlad has them as one of his ‘real’ businesses.

The FBI had taken over the situation in Amity Park, mostly because the villain of the story was an American who lived in Amity and therefore this case fell under their jurisdiction. The other countries had allowed them to handle the whole affair, to keep the process of condemning Vlad contained in one country. The rest of the world washed their hands of it all, the only thing that they seemed to agree on was to make him pay.

After interrogating everyone involved with Vlad’s failed mission and questioning the team that worked with Danny to build the intangibility transfer device, the FBI learned the true identity of a certain ghostly hero. After which, they began working closely with a particular family: The Fenton family.

The Fentons were a family of four, Jack Fenton, Madeline “Maddie” Fenton, Daniel “Danny” Fenton and Jasmine "Jazz" Fenton. As specialists in ecto-science Jack and Maddie were the only ones allowed to work in what was left of Vlad Masters’ lab, since they knew how most of his technology worked. Their children, Jazz and Danny, worked with them, helping them to dismantle it to be carted away by the FBI in the name of public safety.

The FBI also enlisted the help of the Fentons, and possibly NASA, but that was classified, to repair the very same rocket that Vlad had paid for, the one he had sabotaged with the wrong coordinates, so they could use it to fetch him back from space. The people of the world wanted justice, and they wouldn’t be able to get it if he died out there. Now, not even the Fentons knew if he would become a full ghost or just die, leaving nothing but a body behind, and they didn’t want to take any chances.

In the end, he was tried and found guilty of multiple counts of public corruption, including election fraud; terrorism; corporate fraud and theft of intellectual property; as well as blackmailing the entire world. He was sentenced to live out the rest of his natural, or rather unnatural, life in a special FBI facility, complete with a phase proof cell and ghost restraint handcuffs. As for the rocket, the official reports list it as ‘destroyed in a crash landing’.

At the Fenton’s residence, Jack and Maddie had worked hard to reconstruct their previously destroyed lab (most specifically their ghost portal) with the pieces that they got from Vlad’s. After confirming with the FBI their intentions to use the technology and making their case for why they need a functional ghost portal, the Fentons were allowed to make their repairs. They also reverse engineered several of his inventions to better understand how they worked and, in doing so, they discovered even more of Vlad’s evil plans. It was hard to reconcile everything that they had learned with what they thought they knew of their old college friend.

After that, everything in the lab went fairly smoothly, considering the circumstances, but all that changed when they discovered an even more immoral half-finished experiment. While the main information seemed to be destroyed and/or missing they managed to get the gist of it. A clone, and a clone of none other than Danny Phantom. That was the second most shocking news for the Fentons, right behind the revelation that Vlad Masters was a half ghost. It hit Jack especially hard, as he was the closest to Vlad back then, they were best friends, roommates… A good friend? More like an enemy.

Jack and Maddie knew that their son disliked Vlad, hated him even, and the more they learned of the truth, the more they understood why. Maddie specifically knew that Vlad and Danny had a rivalry of sorts. She’d thought it was because Danny didn’t like or even appreciate the fact that he was trying to hit on her. Vlad’s advances had always made her uncomfortable, even more disgusted than what Danny felt. It was personal for her. But that hadn’t been it, or at least not all of it, and wasn’t that an understatement? A clone? What hadn’t that man done? What crimes against nature hadn’t he committed?

They had just finished going over the papers, what little research remained, and determined that those analyses, even unconcluded, were 100% of a clone. A clone of their own son, a halfa himself. They didn’t know how that would even work, how it would be possible to replicate such a unique state of being, and couldn't comprehend what or who they would be if that was complete. The two shared a grim look, they needed to talk to their children about this, there was so much that they still didn’t know.

Danny and Jazz were on the main level helping catalogue some equipment from Vlad’s lab, sorting out even more ghost weapons from the rest of his inventions. That man had so many weapons, of all shapes and sizes, weapons they now knew had been used against their son. They were grateful that they would never be used like that again, neither Vlad’s nor their own. They regretted their actions every day, every shot, every hurtful word they had used against Danny Phantom.

They decided to have their much-needed family discussion over dinner that evening. Maddie left Jack putting together a list of the most important questions from the information they did have and headed upstairs to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and stared at its contents for a moment or two before deciding that it would be better to order pizza instead.

Maddie finished ordering the pizza and after a while, Jack joined her in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Danny was done with the group that he was cataloguing with Jazz’s help. Jazz was the one that was guiding Danny with the correct order, she is the most organised one between those two after all.

Jazz hovered around Danny as he finished going through a box of weapons, once again repeating the instructions when he cut her off.

“All right, Jazz! I know! We’ve been doing this long enough,” he gestured at all the boxes in frustration. “I know you just want to know how many times he used these on me or if he gave them to Skulker, or another ghost, or whatever. You can stop now.”

“That’s not true, Danny!” Jazz defended, even though she had been wondering about that. Danny just glared at her and rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, sis.” He picked up the empty box that had previously been full of weapons, “Look I’m done with this one. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving and I think I heard mom and dad talking in the kitchen.” He jerked his thumb toward the door. “Yeah, me too and I get it, all right… but I'll be here when you’re ready to talk,” she said earnestly. She was a bit disappointed with herself for upsetting him, she had been hoping he would be more open about everything now that their parents knew his secret. Unfortunately, everyone was still a bit tense about the whole situation. “Whatever.” Danny rolled his eyes again and headed to the kitchen with Jazz following close behind. “Danno! Jazzy-Pants!” Jack greeted them when he saw them. “How goes the sorting?”

“Fine.”

Jazz elbowed her brother. “He means we’re almost finished.”

“That’s great, kids!”

“We ordered pizza.” Maddie interjected. “It should be here soo–” The ringing of the doorbell cut her off.

“I got it!” Jack shouted, already halfway to the door.

“Now I wonder who that could be,” she murmured.

“I hope it’s the pizza, all that sorting really worked up an appetite!” Danny’s stomach growled as if to accent his point.

“Yeah, Mom,” Jazz added, "it's probably just the pizza.”

“That was fast…” Maddie commented distractedly.

“Ah? Why do you say that, Mom?” asked Jazz, a bit worried. “It hasn't been that long…” Maddie considered the time she thought had passed.

“Pizza’s here!” Jack announced as he brought the boxes into the kitchen. “Actually, Honey, it has been a while since I heard you make the order.” “Oh? I didn’t realise…” Maddie glanced at the clock on the wall again and shook her head to clear it. “I guess I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now, that’s all.” She tried to give her family a reassuring smile, but it came across a bit forced.

“All right...” Danny exchanged a worried glance with Jazz.There were only a few things that could distract his mother like that and none of them were good. He knew his mom came up to the kitchen a while ago and heard her talking on the phone or something but didn't pay that much attention as he was still following Jazz's ideas of cataloguing the last ghost weapons from the box. “Okay… Danny and I will set the table then.” offered Jazz. She understood Danny's worry, anything that knocked their normally highly perceptive mother off kilter couldn't be good. She hadn’t noticed when her mom came upstairs, just when her dad did, as he was the most noisy, so she couldn’t say for sure how long it had been since she placed the order.

“Yes, thank you darling,” said Maddie and she took a seat while the kids started putting dishes on the table.

“You know Mads, we could just ask him...” Jack suggested in a low voice, almost whispering.

Maddie shook her head. “No, Jack, I don’t think that simply asking him would work, it has to come up in the conversation naturally.” She took a fortifying breath and then blew it out slowly. “Alright, I think I'm ready now.”

“Alright.”Jack repeated, nodding solemnly, before finally sitting down himself. Once the whole family was gathered around the table and had pizza on their plates, it was actually Danny who broke the silence.

“Mom, Dad…” Danny began, “I know this hasn’t been easy for you guys, there’s been a lot to unpack, uh, literally and figuratively… But you know I’m okay with it, right? Like, you guys can talk to me about stuff, ask me questions, whatever…”

He knew very well that they had questions for him, he suspected they were about Vlad and his weapons or something similar. He didn’t need to hear it to know. Although, he did hear them. After all, that was an almost-whisper.

“Danny...” Jazz said, concern evident in her voice. She understood that he probably knew the situation better than she did, as she had ignored their parents' quiet conversation, but that didn’t stop her from worrying about her little brother.

“It’s alright Jazz,” he reassured her. “Ever since they found out, it’s been a big help, but…” Danny sighed. There was still a lot they didn’t know, and he was getting tired of walking on eggshells around them.

“I know.” Jazz gave him a small, encouraging smile. She had a better idea of what Danny had been through than their parents, and she still had questions. They had been doing their best to let Danny come to them on his own time, but subtlety had never been their strong suit. The curiosity and the guilt both were eating them alive.

“What is it, son?” asked Jack, wondering if they had been too obvious, hoping they hadn’t done anything to make him uncomfortable.

“I don’t know...” Danny rubbed the back of his neck, glancing nervously at his sister. She nodded as if to give him courage. “It’s just… you looked like something was bothering you, like you had a question, or something…”

Jack took a quick look at his wife and squared his shoulders before turning back to the kids. Sometimes just asking was the best policy. “We may want to know something… ”

“Jack!” Maddie admonished. She looked at her husband in shock, that was not what they had discussed. Then she looked back over at her kids, especially at Danny. He looked nervous, but hopeful, like he was really ready to talk to them. Jack had noticed it already and taken the appropriate action, it was time for her to get on the same page. She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry. You’re right, Dear, we should just ask him.”

“What is it, mom?” Danny’s gaze flickered anxiously back and forth between his parents, “Dad?”

Jazz reached for Danny's hand, squeezing gently, letting him know he wasn’t alone. It was something she had always done to calm him down, she was glad it still worked.

“Look son, I know you say that you’re ready to talk about all this, ready for us to know… and we want to! But for your mom and I… well… it’s hard to imagine how all this was for you, especially because… we... we…” Jack sighed. This was harder to talk about than he thought it would be. After a brief pause, he tried again, “Your mother and I found out about the cloning experiment. There was inconclusive but valid information on Vlad’s lab computer files. We have the backup copies saved on our lab’s computers now.”

“Oh!” Danny’s eyes lit up with understanding. “I almost forgot about that.”

“Danny, dear… you knew?” asked Maddie, concerned.

Danny nodded sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck once again. He wasn’t sure where to start explaining, filling in the missing data… some of it wasn’t pretty, there was a reason that information was destroyed.

“Oh, God,” Maddie swore. “He actually did it, didn’t he?”

“Heh, yeah...” Danny grimaced, dropping his hand with a sigh.

Jazz took hold of his hand again, silently supporting her brother. She didn’t know the full story, but she gathered that it was something very difficult for him to talk about.

Danny gently pulled his hand out of his sister’s, nodding a silent thanks to her before turning back to his parents and beginning his explanation. “He was trying to clone me to create the perfect son, or something… You know, I never actually let him explain it.” He scoffed, “That’s one of the many reasons why I called him a complete crazy fruitloop, because obviously he is. He had this huge container with the ‘perfect specimen’ or whatever he called it and all these clones–”

“Clones?” Maddie interrupted his rambling, “As in, more than one?”

“Yeah, there were… a few.” Danny bowed his head, voice tinged with regret. “I didn’t realise at first… they didn’t look much like me. Vlad called them failures…”.

“‘Were?’” Jazz asked, picking up on his use of the past tense. “What happened?”

“They… they were killed...” Danny practically whispered, keeping his head down.

“What?” Jack cried out, voice filled with pain, already mourning the children he’d never met. He hadn’t even known about them a few hours ago and already he would give his life to protect them. How could Vlad have done such a thing? Surely he would have considered them to be his own children, in a way. “Vlad… he didn’t... he wouldn’t… would he?”

“Yeah… in a way, he did...” Danny replied. He lifted his head a bit, but instead of looking at his family, he only gazed sadly at his own hands. “But only because he ordered them to attack me... and I didn’t know… we were fighting and they just... they turned to goo.” “Goo?” asked Jazz, a bit confused, it seemed her brother had left out a lot of details when he’d told her this story before.

“Yeah, remember the container I told you about? It was like a long, uh, tube thing, like out of a movie...” Danny began gesturing with his hands, attempting to describe the shape of the strange device.

“All right...?” said Jack, failing to follow along with the explanation.

“But then, if they turned to, um, goo… then there aren’t any...” Maddie was unsure of how to phrase the question, the situation being more complicated than it seemed.

“Clones?” Danny supplied, to which Maddie nodded. “Only one: Dani. That’s with an ‘i,’ short for Danielle.”

“Danielle?” asked Jack, “Isn’t that a girl’s name?”

“A female clone?” asked Maddie, blinking in surprise.

“Yes…?” Danny replied hesitantly. Is that not common for clones?

“Danny, you said that he cloned you, I’m not an expert or anything, but I’m pretty sure a clone of you should be a boy. And probably a baby… just a few months old at most. Clones do start as babies, right?” Even with Danny using his hands to show how big the container had been, Jazz was having trouble imagining anything bigger than tiny test tubes with little babies floating in them. They didn’t seem nearly big enough to hold a teenager like Danny. “Normally, you would be right, Jazz.” Maddie raised her hand to stop Danny from interrupting. “But the information we found in his lab included a way to alter and accelerate the cloning process. He managed to clone Danny, but in a very different way than traditional science has done in the past with dogs or sheep… or any animal for that matter. I hate to give that man any sort of credit, but frankly, it’s impressive.” “How is that possible?” asked Jazz, feeling lost. Her specialty was psychology, not genetics.

“Well, what your mother and I found was very interesting...” Jack began while nodding along to it.

“It was incomplete,” Maddie continued where he left off, “It was almost as if it had been destroyed or perhaps sabotaged.”

Danny grinned at his mother’s knowing look, “For legal reasons, I know nothing.”

Maddie just shook her head, “As I was saying, the information we did manage to recover seems to indicate that he was able to create a genetic accelerator that would allow the clone to be aged up very close to Danny’s age, if not the exact same. Danny, how old would you say this… ‘Dani’ is? And do you have any idea where she might be?”.

“Ohhh… Oh!” Danny gasped as if something had just clicked in his mind, as if that was something that he had never considered.

“You haven’t thought about it, have you, little bro?” asked Jazz, easily understanding her brother's reaction.

“What? Pshh! No… I totally, definitely… possibly, maybe… thought… Actually, how do you know about clones, Jazz?” Danny asked, quickly trying to change the topic as he didn’t know where Dani was.

“Hey, that’s just common knowledge, we learned about it in biology class!” Jazz defended herself.

“Danny,” Maddie’s voice held a warning, “You did learn about that, didn’t you? I believe Mr. Lancer explained it to us, and all the parents, in a parent–teacher meeting about grades and school activities a couple of months ago… It was the same with Jazz when she was your age. Like your sister said, it was part of the curriculum. Superhero or not, we expect you to keep up with your lessons, young man.”

Jack nodded along looking very serious.

“Oops...” Danny muttered, realising his distraction plan had backfired.

“We should probably go over your textbooks, or review some of your old lessons if you don’t remember that...” Maddie said thoughtfully, they still had so much catching up to do to get Danny back on track with his schoolwork.

“I should ask Sam or Tucker about it, compare notes… I may have slept through it… sorry.” Danny brought a hand up to his neck sheepishly.

“It’s all right son,” Jack placed a large, comforting hand on Danny’s shoulder, “We know you had a lot going on, but now you have help.” He knew now that Danny was probably staying up late fighting ghosts and not getting enough sleep at the time.

“We’re sorry, sweetie, if we had paid better attention, we could have helped you sooner. We promise to do a better job of helping you with your time management and catching up with your studies.” Maddie wondered if she and Jack would ever truly understand what being a halfa had meant for their son, how it had impacted his whole life.

“I know, I know… and I do appreciate it, I do…” Danny looked around for a way out of talking about his poor grades, “Um, hey… shouldn’t we really be focusing on Dani right now? You know the uh, missing, like, 12 or 13 year old girl? She could really be anywhere you know, probably just wandering around...”

“I see what you’re doing and this conversation isn’t over young man, but yes, finding Dani is more important right now… So, 12 or 13 years old?” said Maddie, getting back on track.

“Well… she was, like, two years younger than me… or at least that’s how old she looked...” Danny thought back to the last time he saw her.

“But you don’t know for sure.” concluded Maddie, it was easy to get confused about someone else's age without asking, after all.

“No, sorry. When I met her… well she almost ended up like the others… But hey! Dad helped her!” Danny snapped his fingers, remembering the occasion.

“I did! Wait, I did?” asked a confused Jack.

“Well… your invention did. But that counts, so yeah, you did!” said Danny with a smile, especially knowing what a close call it had been.

“Well, son, I’m glad to hear it!” Jack boomed. “But, uh, how exactly did that happen? Why didn’t she turn into ‘goo’ like the others, and, uh, what invention did it? Because well…” His inventions weren’t really designed to help ghosts. Now it was his turn to look sheepish.

“Oh, well… ” Danny looked up at the ceiling in thought, “It happened a couple of months ago, when I first met her…”

“She tried to attack you, right?” guessed Jazz, “You said the others did that, so...”

“Yeah, she was the most stable one, so her ‘father’ sent her to gain my trust, or whatever,” Danny put as much venom into the word as he could muster. “He called her his daughter and still considered her disposable. Unfortunately, she had to learn that the hard way, and now she doesn’t even care what happens to him… ”

“Oh, Danny...” Jazz murmured, she could imagine the frustration that he was feeling.

“It’s alright Jazz. Please go on, Danny-boy.” Jack needed to know more about which of his inventions was used to save Dani, he needed to know more about the daughter he’d never met.

Danny sighed, “No, it’s not alright… She’s her own person, but she still deserves someone who cares about her… and well, he did create her...”

“I know what you mean, Danny, but it is okay,” Jazz spoke with a calming voice. “Yes, he may have created her in his lab, but that doesn’t automatically make him her father. You said it yourself, he doesn’t really care about her, so it’s completely understandable for her to reject him like that...”

“Thanks Jazz,” Danny said softly, understanding what his sister meant by that.

“You know, your sister is right,” Maddie added proudly. “Vlad created a clone of you, Danny, but that’s it. He hasn’t put in any of the emotional labour, he hasn’t earned the right to be her father. There are a lot of families that aren't related by blood, but those relationships take work just the same.”

“He hasn’t earned it, has he?” said Danny, the implication that Dani basically didn’t have parents setting in. She was rejecting Vlad after all, her creator.

“Of course not, son! Vladdy may have been the person responsible for her existence, and even though he did an amazing job with the genetic acceleration and all that…” said Jack, very impressed with that part of the information.

“Jack! Focus.” Maddie scolded, even though she also was impressed by the work, it wasn’t the time to say so.

“Right! Sorry! He may be a genius, but he’s still evil! An evil, evil genius…” Jack stopped himself from saying more, even though he was still very impressed by how smart his ex-friend was.

“I admire his work too, Jack. But I’d admire it even more if he didn’t throw ethics out the window.” said Maddie. “But that’s a discussion for another time.”.

“I know, I know…” Jack muttered. “Our priority right now is finding Danielle–”

“Dani,” said Danny, correcting his dad, as none of them like to be called by their full name.

“Right… And to think that before I thought that a ghost and my son having the same first name was confusing...” Jack laughed.

“It’s ‘Dani’ dad, not ‘Danny’ there’s a difference,” said Jazz, exaggerating the pronunciation even though there wasn’t any difference in reality, it was more for them.

Jack was astonished and blinked at the confusing pronunciation a few times, whispering both names under his breath as he tried to hear the difference.

“Jack?” said Maddie, raising an eyebrow, she knew that there’s nothing going on with the pronunciation but she wasn’t going to spoil the kids’ fun.

“Right… the point is that Dani exists and, well… we have to find her!” Jack smacked his fist into his palm for emphasis, “She’s technically a Fenton, and Fentons stick together.”

“What?” asked a confused Danny, he hadn’t expected that much support from any of them.

“That’s true little bro, think about it… she’s basically you, right?” said Jazz, liking where this was going, she would love another little sibling, especially a sister.

Maddie hummed. “Well, theoretically Jazz is right. She is a female clone of you, and before anyone asks; yes, it is possible for her to be you even as a girl. That could be an anomaly caused by the acceleration process that Vlad used to create her.” she explained, preemptively answering any questions that might come up.

“That actually makes sense… I think...” said Jazz, even though that wasn’t in her questions at all. “I haven’t thought about it. Last time I saw her, like I said, your experiment helped me stabilise her, even though the fruitloop kept saying he needed a ‘mid–form sample’ or something like that. He was planning on using that to fix his main clone, a male one.” Danny added as an extra explanation.

“Of course! It all makes perfect sense now!” Maddie’s fist struck her palm as she made that claim. “What does, mom?” asked Jazz, not understanding what their mother was getting at. “Well, Danny said that the other clones turned into goo, right?”

Danny nodded in confirmation.

“And that Vlad had a special container for a male clone...”

Danny nodded again.

“And Dani was the only clone that survived long enough for Danny to stabilise because she is a female one.” Maddie explained matter-of-factly. “Okay, you lost me.” Danny was… not expecting that at all. “Think about it, sweety. Vlad, as you know, had a thing for me and an obsession with you. He wanted the perfect little family. From what you told us and what we obtained from his lab, as well as the disturbing AI hologram of… myself,” Maddie made a disgusted face at that. “I still can’t believe he– well actually I can. Anyway, he wanted you to be his perfect son, but you told him no. So just like he made a hologram copy of me, he wanted a perfect clone of you, and that meant it had to be male. Why couldn’t he just take ‘no’ for an answer?” she sighed.

“It’s alright now Maddie, he’s long gone.” Jack said sadly. It had been hard for him to accept everything that his ex-friend had done. If they had known before, if he had talked to them about what had happened, maybe they could have worked things out and they could even… who knows, hunt ghosts with him or something along those lines, the way they did with Danny now. But he wasn’t about to forgive him that easily, not after what he’d done. “I know, I know…” Maddie said more calmly. “And now, to think that there is a little girl just wandering around all alone… Wait! Danny, where did you say she was again?”

“I… I don’t know… I’m sorry” Danny hung his head in shame. “I only know that Vlad… well, he tricked the Huntress–”

“Who?” asked Maddie.

“Uhhh… it’s complicated?” Danny said with a sheepish grin.

“Danny...” warned Maddie, they had agreed on no more secrets. He sighed, “It’s not my secret to tell. Although I know she’s probably looking for an opportunity to speak with me since, well… she was there when it happened.” He really wasn’t going to tell them about Valerie, not without talking to her first. He knew well enough that she only accepted his apology for revealing her identity to her dad because what she had planned was a suicide mission. “So she knows.” Maddie stated.

“Yeah, she does now, but up until that point she didn’t… and Vlad convinced her, I don’t know how, probably with money –she only knew him as Masters, not Plasmius– and he sent her to find Dani to… well, to destroy her. But didn’t tell her that! The lie was that Dani wanted to kill Masters… and, well, she– the Huntress wasn’t just going to let that happen. So she managed to get Dani, but it wasn’t a fair fight ‘cause Dani was in pretty bad shape, that made the Huntress stop and plan ahead, creating a trap for me, but I knew the truth, and well, I told her ‘C’mon, does she look like she’s gonna do anything?’ Then the Huntress realised that Dani and I couldn’t be lying… But at the same time she was a ghost hunter first… so...” Danny explained in a rush, barely pausing for breath. “She didn’t try to, um, destroy... you?” asked Maddie, she knew that a lot of people had tried that, including them. “Well… maybe. But just like you guys, she didn’t know!” Danny hurried to stop his parents from feeling guilty about hunting him again. “Oh, honey…” Maddie started, Jack nodding along apologetically, ”We’re so sorry for all–”

“I know, I know… You’re sorry for everything, the shooting, the hunting, the hurtful words, blah, blah, blah. Can we please move on?” said Danny testily. The long apologies were really getting old.

“They’re not going to stop any time soon and you know it, Danny.” Jazz teased. She knew her little brother was getting tired of the long speeches asking for forgiveness, but they had a long way to go before their parents’ guilt waned. “I know.” Danny sighed.

“Right, right. Sorry sweety. Anyway, I suppose you managed to convince the Huntress to help you, then?” said Maddie, getting back on track. “Yeah, that’s right,” Danny picked up the story where he left off, “and I figured that you guys probably had something in the lab that could help Dani and I… I brought the Huntress here–”

“Wait, you came here and we didn’t notice?” Maddie cut in. “I mean, I get it, your father and I get distracted sometimes… but you came here with another hunter to look for something that could help ghosts….” She was beginning to see a theme in their house, and she didn’t particularly like it. “Uh, sorry?” said Danny. He wasn’t really sorry, but still felt the need to apologise.

“No, no… it’s all right son, you did what you had to do.” Jack chimed in. He was mostly letting Maddie do her thing, ask the right questions, and get the information they needed.

“It’s all right, Danny. You have always done the right thing, and we trust you. So what did you use to help her?” asked Maddie, she was very curious as most of their inventions back then didn’t work in favour of ghosts. “It was, uh, that serum that dad was working on, the ‘Ecto–Dejecto,’” Danny said, remembering that day. “It wasn’t working right, it was making ghosts stronger instead of weaker.” “Oh, that one!” Jack brightened in recognition, then sobered, “But it does work, it just took time.” “What? But all the samples were… bigger.” said Danny, getting worried.

“That may have been true at the beginning, but as the Ecto-Dejecto ran its course, those specimens, well, they just… gooed?” said Maddie, unsure if saying ‘goo’ would help in this case.

“WHAT???!!!” Danny exclaimed, imagining the worst case scenario and for a brief moment his eyes flashed a toxic green before returning to their normal blue.

“Calm down, Danny, it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know. You did your best and believed that it would be enough. I’m sure we can come up with something to help Dani. We just need to know where she is...” said Jazz.

“I… I don’t know where she is… I think I saw her helping during the Disasteroid, with the other ghosts. She must have travelled there, when she heard what he did.” Danny said, unsure of himself. It had all happened so fast, he hadn’t paid attention to every single detail. “But… I don’t think she stayed, she just… kept travelling.”

Maddie hummed, “In that case, we– Wait…! She came here to Amity when she needed help, right? That’s the last time you know for sure that you saw her, and the first time she was in Wisconsin with Vlad, right?” she asked, trying to understand the whole picture better.

“Well, actually– Wait, Mom, do you think she would come back here when she feels weak again?” Danny asked hopefully.

“Considering she’s done it before, it seems likely. And maybe, if she was indeed there in Antarctica, and she knows that we know who you are now, she’ll feel more comfortable coming to us for help. She may also have heard that Vlad revealed his secret to the world and well...” Maddie was hoping that Dani only hid because of the whole ghost secret identity thing. “Yeah, she came to Amity looking for me, she really believed I could help her… but if the Ecto-Dejecto won’t help permanently, then what? You aren’t gonna let her just turn into goo, right?” asked Danny, wringing his hands subconsciously. “Of course not, Dann-o! She’s a Fenton after all! Even if she wasn’t, she’s still a kid, a halfa, but a kid first,” said Jack, nodding.

“That’s true,” said Maddie. Suddenly she snapped her fingers, “I know what to do! You said that Vlad was trying to force you to give him a “mid–form” sample, right?” “That wouldn’t be dangerous for Danny, right mom?” Jazz glared pointedly at her mother, worried about what she was getting at. “Of course not, darling, and we would get Danny’s permission before we extract the sample. But if we can correctly use the scans and diagrams Vlad created, we can use your DNA to help stabilise little Dani permanently!” said Maddie with confidence, after all, there had to be a reason he needed the mid-morph sample.

“Really?” Danny asked hopefully.

“Of course, son!” Jack’s voice boomed with the same confidence as Maddie’s, then he also snapped his fingers, “She is a clone of you, that may mean she also shares the same ghostly signature as you!" “Oh, I see where you’re going with that, honey! That could work!” said Maddie, looking at her husband excitedly. “What would work?” asked Danny, glancing back and forth between his parents. “A way to find her,” said Maddie, smiling. “How?” asked Jazz, a bit lost, it’s like their parents had started communicating telepathically, or something.

“Simple, we use the Booo–merang!” Maddie said proudly, her smile growing wider.

“But mom, that always just hits me...” said Danny, unsure of this plan.

“Normally, yes, but we’ve been working on ways to avoid that, now that we know why it was happening. We’ve actually been modifying all of our weapons to ignore you, to ignore your ghostly signature,” Maddie explained. “We have that information, we could use it to track down Dani! But first, son, we will need to scan you down in the lab to get the mid-form sample as well as both... um, sides…” She was unsure how to describe the change.

“Both sides?” Danny asked for clarification.

“From human to ghost and vice versa.” said Maddie, feeling a bit more secure with the term.

“Ah! Okay,” Danny grinned, glad they were on the same page. “And that would help her, right?”

“That’s right. With your help, we can permanently stabilise her and she’ll never have to worry about turning into goo again,” Maddie said with a small, but sincere, smile.

“What are we just sitting around for? We have a new family member to help!” Jack smiled wide and finished his piece of pizza, gone cold at this point.

The Fenton family had a lot of work ahead of them. They continued their conversation over the rest of the cold pizza, planning and deciding and hammering out the details. All they needed was to put everything in motion, it was only a matter of time until they could find Danielle and bring her home. To be continued… :D :D

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oh-yeah-i-exist · 9 months

Text

Let me take care of you

Astarion x Durge OC (Eiji) oneshot

Author's note: the idea came to me when I realized I'd been giving all my healing potions and strong spells to Astarion.

Content warning: some gore (par for the course in this game), a bit angst but mostly fluff. Might contain SPOILERS.

Camp was more quiet than usual. Fighting a conniving wizard and his elemental myrmidons had not been an easy feat - even Dame Aylin, who had emerged victorious against yet another villain aspiring to exploit her immortality, had fallen into contemplative silence. By her own words, revenge felt... hollow. In quick succession, the proverbial "bad guys" had fallen by their swords and spells, but when would it all end? Was the end where they really wanted to be? A long road lay ahead, with the Elder Brain still writhing violently against its loosening chains. The party knew what they had to do, knew the price of being the hero, but Gods, a deep exhaustion had settled into their bones this night and none could shake it off quite so easily.

As she peeled off her dusty boots, Eiji mulled over her decisions. Though many in the group would sooner keel over and die than admit they were following anyone's leadership, the bulk of strategic planning had fallen on her shoulders. And as if resisting her psychopathic god of a father was not enough of a monumental task, she had her companions' conflicting desires to balance. Choosing Dame Aylin over the powerful wizard, who could have been a valuable ally instead of a useless, crumpled corpse, was one of those bets she was not entirely certain would bear fruit. Strong and fearsome as the Moonmaiden's shining offspring was, Aylin's temper may yet prove to be her undoing - without thinking, without a single moment of hesitation, the paladin had charged headfirst into battle, practically forcing Eiji's hand. Being referred to by the celestial being as "ally mine" afterwards was barely a reward, and it appeared that even Isobel understood the tension when she'd expressed her fear of her lover's future folly and offered her thanks.

But without any clear recollections of her bloodied past, there was not much else Eiji could rely on besides her instincts. And her first instinct was to never betray her companions, her friends, no matter their faults.

Rummaging through her pack, she was surprised to find five bottles of superior healing potion. She could have sworn her stock had been down to only one or two, especially since she had explicitly refrained from using the precious resource during battle. Even with the mysterious surplus, she figured there was nothing a night's sleep wouldn't fix. No point wasting the very thing that could save someone else's life the next day.

"You know, I do feel for the Dame, considering how revenge against Cazador gave me less catharsis than... well, emptiness," came Astarion's voice behind her back. As was natural for creatures of the night, the pale elf's footfalls were as light as a feather and made no sound, allowing him to make her heart jump whenever he drew near on his own accord.

Straightening up from reorganizing her pack, Eiji sighed in agreement. The movement caused the wound on her back to stretch and throb painfully. She tried to hide a wince, but nothing escaped her lover's blood-red gaze.

"Gods, there really is no justice in the world, is there?" continued Astarion with a frown, taking her pack from her hands. He strode towards a fallen tree trunk nearby and motioned for her to follow suit. Since that one evening in the Underdark, which felt like a century's worth of ceaseless struggle ago, they had grown accustomed to sharing these private conversations while the rest of the party hunkered down for a long rest.

"I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of sneaking these into your possession if I'd known you were too stubborn to use them," Astarion abruptly changed the subject, his tone going from contemplative to annoyed.

"I-- what?" Eiji turned to look at him, genuinely confused. It was the last thing she'd expected him to mention, given where their conversation had started. "Don't tell me you didn't even realize you had healing potion on you," the elf rolled his eyes.

"No, I... I saw them," though not quite understanding what the fuss was about, Eiji went along with his harmless banter. "But I don't think I need them, really. I'll just go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, good as new."

"By that same logic, the rest of us should just snooze our injuries off instead of using the potions you so generously lavished on us," he pointed out. "Or is there something special about Bhaalspawn physiology that I might want to know?"

"No, I don't think so..." she answered under her breath. Vaguely, she was beginning to catch the drift beneath his characteristic quips. "But I don't lavish anything on anyone. I do what is necessary," she insisted. It was not entirely the truth. Only now did it come to her attention that indeed, she'd been loading her companions with as much aid as she could, her own safety be damned. And she might even be guilty of favoritism, seeing how she invariably made it a priority to shield her lover on the battlefield. It was as though her body moved on its own, without so much as a conscious thought on her part.

"And you find it necessary to leave yourself an easy target?" Astarion retorted, almost angry at what he deemed utmost foolishness. "Gods, I should have known you were doomed when you first started feeding Gale our hard-earned loot."

"That was necessary, too. Can't have him blowing us all up one sunny day," she chuckled, half-hoping the joke would persuade him from this particular line of inquiry. But she could see it in his eyes that he wasn't going to let it go. She could see his worry behind the annoyance, his concern and affection. Hells, she could see his love that she returned in equal measure. "I just don't want to see anyone hurt. I don't want to see you hurt. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else during a fight if..."

Astarion's expression softened as he listened intently to her quiet words. Gently taking her hand in his, he asked, "And has it ever occurred to you how much it pains me to see you fall?"

She said nothing in reply, rubbing his knuckles with the pad of her thumb in an effort to soothe him.

"There has been enough pain and suffering in my life to haunt me for a thousand years. If you're really asking me to stand aside and lose the one person I've ever truly cared for, then you should just drive a stake through my heart and end it all," he said shakily, lacing their fingers together so she'd know there was no smoothing over the matter. "Let me take care of you. Please."

For a moment, she refused to look at him. But he waited. Until she finally caved and leaned her forehead against his, letting him support her wary body. "Alright," she breathed, arms circling around his midriff for an embrace.

"Alright," he smiled, his hand coming to rest at the nape of her neck. Gingerly, he pulled away just enough to be able to examine the cuts on her cheeks. "I've got you, darling."

#bg3 astarion #astarion #bg3 tav #bg3 oc #astarion x tav #astarion ancunin #astarion romance #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate #my oc: eiji

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haruniki · 2 years

Text

Chainsaw Man Sleepover

characters: Kobeni, Power

a/n: still only writing for Kobeni and Power! ik it's lame that i only write for two characters at the moment but i feel comfortable writing for these two. I will add more soon promise 🫶🫶 this is basically how they are at a sleepover with their partner, pls note that I've never been to a sleepover because i get nervous in other people homes and i get nervous having people over lol

------------------------------------------------

Kobeni:

Very nervous, she's never been to a sleepover.

She's very excited for it though! Kobeni buys good snacks and drinks for you both. Also brings board games and movies to keep you both entertained.

She's shows up earlier than the agreed time so she can help set up anything. Also suggest the idea of a pillow fort.

When it gets later into the evening, Kobeni changes into her pajamas. An old black tshirt and shorts. She declines you trying to let her borrow any if your clothes, however she does wear your slippers

Hates horror movies

Absolutely refuses to watch one with you, prefers romance or comedy movies

When you both finally do go to bed, Kobeni isn't sure what to do. She wants to cuddle up next to you but what if you need your space while sleeping? Or what if you don't want her on your bed? or.. or

"Kobeni, come on! i grabbed extra blankets for the bed! Is there a specific side of the bed you like?"

Smiling, Kobeni hops into the bed with you. Allowing you to undo the ponytail and take out her clips, she snuggles into you.

You both talk about random things, work, plans, anything special that was done recently, just anything before you both drifted off asleep

Power:

Very calm, which was a little unnerving to you

When Power arrived, she was carrying a pet carrier containing Meowy.

"Ahem! BEHOLD! A bag full of precious resources that I gathered!

Power didn't buy the snacks that were in the bag, Aki bought them. But it's still sweet that she brought them.

You did convince her to shower and even helped her wash and dry her hair. Power seemed to enjoy it.

Power didn't bring any extra clothes and decides to steal borrow some of your clothes. This leads to an almost 2 hour fashion clothes of Power trying on different articles of clothing.

When you both go to settle down to watch a movie, Power demands to watch the bloodiest, most gruesomiest(idk how to spell it) horror movie you have

You put on a sad romance movie and Power cries at the end

Power doesn't even ask if she can sleep in your bed, her and Meowy are already lying on it all comfortable.

She pulls you into her chest because she doesn't want accidentally poke your eye out with her horns if she laid on your chest.

"Human, Come here and give me and Meowy your attention. I worked so hard this week so you should come lie next to me."

Likes talking about her future plans, nobel prize, her plan to take over the world, and how annoying she thinks Denji and Aki are before falling asleep.

#csm power #csm #csm x reader #chainsaw man power #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man #csm power x reader #chainsaw man power x reader #power x reader #i wrote this without my glasses

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carusolikey · 1 month

Text

The Blue Hour

a Max Phillips & Bloodsucking Bastards FanFic

Chapter 4: Lemonade - Hold Up Part 1 of 2

This week on 'The Blue Hour' - Max reveals the "special skills" portion of his CV, as well as what's lurking just under the surface. Someone from the past causes unrest and threatens to break the pleasant bubble in which we've all grown accustomed to living. Is there a bridge over this troubled water? Or will we simply have to make lemonade out of lemons? Special warnings apply to this chapter - take care to peruse, dear reader!

Pairing: Max Phillips of Bloodsucking Bastards x afab!fem!reader

Rating: Explicit / NSFW 18+ (No Minors)

Author’s Note: I wrote this piece during the month of April 2024 - Adenomyosis Awareness Month, and the idea came to me during March 2024 (Endometriosis Awareness Month). This will not have any type of pregnancy kink, but will touch on infertility of OC due to the aforementioned; canon for this story is also that Vampires are infertile - there will be no Renesmé. OC is intended to be around the same age as Max, reader’s choice up or down, but no age gap. Because older afab/fem lovers are sexy - we drink and we know things. The style of this sticks to the humor and playfulness of the original movie, while incorporating a very sexy and romantic Max, even though he is a little bit of a cocky, smartmouth asshole.

Warnings: 18+ only content, Discussion of previous relationship / SA - not explicitly graphic, but important to mention. Able bodied fem afab reader, alcohol consumption, non-gendered pet names, fem can be carried and has hair - though length is not mentioned, consensuality is implied and intended through actions and reactions. Did attempt to stay away from gendered pronouns and nicknames, although did use the word woman, possibly more than 3 times throughout the entire piece (not fully published yet) referring to OC. Discuss history endo / adeno. Future chapters will also include Vampire hunting, murdering, and blood….sucking bastards.

If you or someone you know has been affected by current or previous experiences of SA or toxic relationships, this week's Chapter includes a special Easter Egg section with access to resources and support.

Special Easter Egg Section Here.

Word Count: ~ 7,100+ (total between Part 1 + Part 2)

Return to the Masterlist!

Continue Chapter 4 - Part 2

After eating breakfast the next evening, while watching a nature documentary on honey badgers, I started thinking that I really needed a vampire nature documentary. Hmm. Honey badgers really don’t give a shit, I thought, as I watched a honey badger get repeatedly stung while digging its way into a beehive just for a little bit of larva.

youtube

My phone lit up with a text from Max, and I swiped it open, immediately bursting out laughing at the Twilight meme he sent of the scene in the forest between Bella and Edward.

More texting dots showed up, “I love making you laugh.”

“What?” I said softly to myself, about to text him that he shouldn’t get so cocky - when he responded with, “I can hear you, silly - we talked about this, it’s my unfortunate super power.”

Oooooh. Right. Kinda creepy, but he did tell me very soon after we met, so I guess I’m glad he’s honest about it? Not like he can help it, I suppose.

I went ahead and sent him a gif of Tom Cardy from the Red Flags music video, saying “Cool!”

“You know, you can just talk aloud and I can respond to you via text.” Max replied back to me.

“Well, where’s the fun in that?” I asked aloud.

“Oh, it’s definitely fun for me.”

“Cheeky.” I rolled my eyes, knowing he couldn’t see me.

“Did you just roll your eyes? Lol”

“Are you kidding me? You can’t see me, can you?”

Max sent a bunch of the shrugging emojis. “🤷 🤷 🤷 🤷 🤷 🤷 🤷”

“You’re infuriating, you know that?”

“But that’s why you like me. You like a challenge. 😉” the next text read.

I walked over to my fridge, and since I was technically hands free, I decided to continue with what I had originally planned on doing. Grabbing a bunch of lemons, I brought them over to the sink and started rinsing them off.

“So what other special powers do you have that I’m not yet privy to?”

My phone lit up, “Wow. You are being LOUD right now. Can you calm down and ask again?”

Laughing, I turned the faucet off.

“Ask again - that’s a very Magic 8 Ball response. Okay - I’ll ask again: do you have any other powers that I don’t know about yet, that you’re willing to divulge to me?”

“That’s better, thank you. Just the usual powers.”

“Seriously? Just ‘the usual’? What is that supposed to mean? Can you fly? Do you have super speed? Are you super strong? Can you sniff for drugs? Perform basic math and tap out the answer with your hoof?”

Going back to slicing lemons, I waited for a response, but not for long.

“I understand your confusion - while I am a stallion, I’m not a one-trick circus pony or a trained DEA drug-sniffing dog. Obviously, I’m incredibly strong, have you seen me?”

I giggled at his text.

“Why are you laughing? This is very serious. I’m being very vulnerable with you right now.”

He sent a gif of an adorable puppy, and I couldn’t help but groan, “Oh, nooo,” mock sobbing.

“Yes. Good. That’s the reaction I wanted. Fawn over me, thank you.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Did you roll your eyes?”

I shook my head.

“I need you to say it out loud.”

Okay. That’s good. Some privacy, apparently.

“No, sir! No eyes rolled here!” Providing him with a chipper and faux-obedient response.

“I’ll continue then. In addition to being very strong and super fast, I can also fly.”

“WHAT?!” I exclaimed.

“Yep. I can fly. Regular Clark Kent over here.”

“First, Clark Kent was the alter-ego. Second, I think I need to see this.”

“Tomato, potato. And of course. As you wish, Sweetness - but you’ll need to open your window.”

“Max, my windows don’t open that wide - no offense, but I don’t think you’re going to fit.”

I opened the window in front of me, right above where I was cutting lemons.

“Well - it actually won’t be a problem.” he texted.

“What do you mean it won’t be a problem?”

“When I say ‘BAT!’ I turn into a bat and I can fly.”

Standing there completely silent, reading the text, I took a moment to process what he was saying.

“Sweetness?”

“I’m sorry, I’m a little in shock. I was not expecting you to say that at all.”

“I don’t have to show you if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Chuckling nervously, incredulous, but wanting to believe what he was saying, I went ahead and said what I was thinking out loud.

“A few weeks ago, I don’t believe I would’ve been able to handle knowing a literal bat-man. But no, it’s okay, I think you should - fly - over. I need to see this.”

As my words barely left my lips, Max’s next text came through, “On my way.”

The faint flutter of wings grew louder and I stepped back from my kitchen window, as a bat flew in, and in a sudden ‘puff!’ transformed into Max. I leaned back against the counter, just staring, a smile transfixed on my face in pure amazement. He gave me a wink, then picked up one of my lemons.

“What are you doing with so many lemons?”

Reaching over the counter, I closed the window.

“Hey! That’s my way out!” he whined at me.

“Yeah, I don’t need any more bats flying in, especially if I’m not sure whether they just have regular rabies, or vampirism.”

“Fair enough.” Max responded.

“And the lemons - I’m slicing, so that I can squeeze them for their juice.”

“You making lemonade?”

“Kind of - I’m making chia seed lemonade.” Max frowned, “A cup of water, ½ oz - ¾ oz lemon juice, depending on how tart I’m feeling –”

“You’re definitely a little tart.” He bit his lip, raising his eyebrows, and put his hand on my lower back, stepping closer.

I groan-laughed while giving him side-eye.

“And then I add a bit of honey, rosemary & lavender bitters, and 1 tbsp of chia seeds. I like to let it chill for a while in the fridge so that the chia seeds are almost like mini-boba.”

“Mmmmm.” Max gave an overly enthusiastic and very sarcastic hum.

“Hey! These are super healthy! They’re good for your heart and bones, they’re rich in fiber, they’re great for your skin, they’re an excellent source of omega-3’s without the risk of mercury, they help regulate blood sugar –”

“Cool. I don’t care about any of that. Because I’m a vampire - and my body is self-repairing.” He gloated, with his smarmy side-grin, “Just something to add to the pro-column, for anyone who might be considering becoming a vampire.”

I stopped squeezing lemons, and looked at him. “Very subtle, Max.”

He pursed his lips, raising both his hands up in surrender and leaned against the counter.

Looking sheepishly embarrassed, he then dropped his hands and clasped them together as he looked at the floor.

Chuckling, my face got a little red as I thought about the fact that this was the first time Max was bringing up potentially turning me, I went back to squeezing lemons. After a moment, I could feel his eyes as he raised his head and looked at me.

Suddenly, he pointed out the window and said, “What’s that?!”

Surprised by the sudden exclamation, I dropped what I was doing and looked up in the direction his hand was pointing.

Instantaneously, his pointing hand came down to my chin and turned my head, right into where his face was leaning down towards me. His lips pressed against mine, and I stumbled backwards, just as his other hand pulled me into him by the waist. My instinct as I was falling back was to immediately grab onto him for support. I started laughing in between deep kisses in our awkward low dip, with Max bent over me. He pulled me upright, his chest shaking as he chuckled.

“Well, I certainly was not expecting that.” I commented.

“It seemed like you might need a distraction, probably.”

Oh, really? After the vampire turning comment? I squinted my eyes at him as my phone lit up with a new text, and Max handed it to me from the counter.

My mood palpably shifted.

“Nat and I are moving in together, and I have a box of stuff that you left in the apartment,” the text read. “I can bring it over tomorrow, if you’d like?”

I slid down onto the kitchen floor, sitting with my knees up to my chest; one hand clutching my knees and the other holding my phone face down, and stared straight ahead.

Max bent down, sitting on the floor next to me and putting his hand over mine. I looked up at him, looking back at me, and leaned my head on his shoulder. It was hard for me to feel anything, except nausea - but feeling my face against Max’s strong shoulder, felt like it was grounding me.

Is there any point in telling him about this? Does it matter? It’s drama. It’s too much, right? But - if it matters to me, it matters, and if we’re going to be anything, I guess I have to let him get to know me.

A good ten minutes of silence had passed as I debated my internalized desire to “be so chill” against everything I’d learned in therapy. Which was admittedly excellent advice that I wasn’t always keen to follow.

Lifting my head from his shoulder I took a deep, slow breath in, and another out.

“That was my ex.”

I glanced over at Max, his eyes watching my face intently, and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. Meanwhile, I looked back at my knees, picking imaginary lint off my pant legs.

“We have a very complicated history, and he –” I sighed.

“It’s okay. Start from where it feels right.”

Letting out a somewhat sarcastic laugh, where it feels right?

“God. Okay. I guess I’ll give you the summary. We did love each other - I think. I’m fairly certain I loved him. We were together for several years, you’d hope love existed between us, right?”

I paused, thinking, my eyes reading the air in front of me.

“He had a hard time getting work for a while, and he always hated his job, no matter what job it was - he was always quitting and then looking for another one. I actually worked in marketing at the time, so I carried the financial burden of the relationship. Which I didn’t care about. I loved him.”

Taking a break to look at Max, he lifted my hand and gave it a kiss.

“Then he finally found a job he really loved, working at a brewery. He made a bunch of friends - we ended up going to a party one of them threw and playing a drinking game. I was drinking cocktails because I’m not really a beer person, while everyone else was drinking beer. So, I definitely lost the game. After the party ended, he invited a friend and their girlfriend back to our apartment to keep the party going. At this point, my endo was definitely symptomatic, but none of my doctors were concerned - just to keep in mind.”

The next part I was hesitant to bring up, because it was always something that fucked with my head. Some days I would tell myself it was nothing and other days I would think, but it did happen.

“I knew that I was way too drunk to keep hanging out - I had a snack from the fridge. Then I ended up getting sick from too much alcohol almost immediately, so I went into the bedroom to lie down. He spent another hour or two or three, I’m not really sure, with his friends. But then he came into the bedroom. I was still very, very drunk, but I was somewhat aware of what was happening.”

As I looked down at the ground, Max put his arm around me.

“He didn’t stop. He knew I wasn’t fully conscious, and he just kept going. I wasn’t in any shape to push him off, I just waited for it to end. And then it did. Until he decided to do it again. I lost track-- The nausea was overwhelming and I could barely think through it.”

Max brushed his other hand through my hair and kissed me on top of my head, as I went on.

“The next day I was so confused - why would someone who loves you, hurt you? But I also felt like maybe I should have seen it coming? He never asked for consent the first time we were together, he never let me lead. Very often he would wake me up in the middle of the night even when I hadn’t been drinking and was fully sober, to needle me while I was exhausted - until I gave in.”

I could feel Max’s muscles tense under his shirt and vest.

“When my doctors finally started to take my endo seriously and scheduled surgery, I had to get my mom to come stay with us, because he didn’t want to take off from work. And when that surgery was immediately a bust and I had to schedule a follow up surgery, my mom came back to help. He cried in the waiting room when the specialist told him everything that had been going on inside my body. Because he hadn’t believed me when I told him that I was in pain.”

“While I stayed home, healing, I started to pick up on some things - I learned that he was spending a lot of time talking to someone else. When I asked him about it, he claimed they were ‘just work friends’, but one night he told me he was going over to a mutual friend’s to hang out. When 3 a.m. rolled around and he wasn’t home, I was worried something had happened to him, and texted our friend, who texted me back immediately saying that they weren’t together. I checked social media, and he was tagged in an intimate photo with the person he’d been ‘talking to’.”

“This fucking guy.”

I looked up at Max, and his fangs were out. Although I was stuck in the feelings that this text had uprooted, something about seeing him in defensive mode pulled at my heart, bringing me back to the here and now, where I’d done the work to move past this.

“The next day, I stood on my own two feet, cleared to start doing chores around the house and put the song, Burn It Blue, by Caetano Veloso & Lila Downs, on repeat and on blast."

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"He came into the kitchen, confused and for the first time worried - worried that I was upset with him. I told him that I saw the picture that was posted, and that his lying was the final straw. To be his bang-maid was beyond, but to add the insult of lying to my face? Enough. I found a new place. This place. And moved out within a week.”

Max’s fangs retracted and he gave me kisses all along the side of my face, while giving me a squeeze in our side-hug on the floor.

“But this text,” he stopped to listen as I continued. “He’s moving in with them - the person he was fucking around with behind my back, and he wants me to meet him, so that he can give me some things I left behind.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Max spat out his response, full of disgust.

“Listen, if you want to meet with him to get your stuff, fine. I can come with you, if you want - or I can just go for you, so that you don’t have to see him. Tell me what you need.”

“Well, I don’t want him in my place. And, I think maybe, based on your reaction, it would be best if I went alone.” I picked up my phone and started texting. “I’m just gonna tell him to meet me in that Belgian Café across the street tomorrow evening.”

“Okay. And what do you want to do now?”

“I need to clean up these lemons, and I definitely need to get my mind as far off of this as possible.” I stopped for a moment, biting the inside of my cheek. “I don’t love that I had to share this with you.”

Max frowned, “I don’t love that this happened to you,” then gave me a kiss on the forehead, “but I love that you felt comfortable enough to share it with me.”

He helped me finish my lemon goals, keeping me company and tossing lemon husks in the trash like each one was worth 3-points for his imaginary lemon-based basketball team.

We cleaned up quickly, and then he said, “You know what? We’re going on a field trip,” opening his eyes super wide and giving me a huge, enthusiastic grin.

“Where??” I asked, intrigued, excited, and already feeling a bit less anxiety ridden, just being in his presence.

“It’s a surprise. But you don’t have to change your clothes or anything, you’re perfect just as you are - and you only need to bring your keys, we’re not going far.”

“Uh, okay.” With only a tinge of uncertainty, I put my trust in him. Max hadn’t failed me yet.

Taking my hand, he led me out into the hallway and I locked my door, while I could hear Mr. Vilallonga from behind his door saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Pulling me down the hallway towards the elevator, I dragged behind him.

“Hey - is Mr. Vilallonga gonna be okay?”

“He’s fine. Don’t worry about him.”

The elevator doors opened and I stepped inside with Max, who pulled me close, and pressed the button for the top floor.

“We’re going up?” My eyes widened with surprise - we’re going to someone else’s apartment!

Max smirked, giving a quick flash of his eyebrows, and before I knew it, we had arrived. Stepping off onto the top floor, there were only three apartments. This was penthouse level, for sure.

What was I getting into? Oh god. I wasn’t walking into any Christian Grey shit, was I? Too soon, Max. Too soon.

As he unlocked the door at the far end, I had no idea what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t what I ended up walking into. The style was a mixture of mid century meets craftsman, no greige here. It was colorful, vibrant, retro, eclectic, lived in, and so much more light than I would’ve expected for a vampire.

“Okay, so why have we been spending so much time in my place when you have all of this?” I asked, in awe.

“Your place is cozy, and it smells like you.”

“I will happily rub myself all over your furniture, spreading my scent, if that’s all it takes to get you to let me spend time here.”

Max laughed, “I will happily watch that take place.” He stopped briefly before continuing, “But to be honest, I wanted to make sure you were comfortable first before I invited you into my den of iniquity.”

“Den of iniquity? You running a speakeasy out of this joint?” I walked further through his apartment, admiring his choice of wallpaper in the bar, and then immediately got distracted by the grand piano in the living room. “You have a grand piano in here?! You play then, I assume?”

This man never fails to surprise me.

Chuckling, “Yes, my abuela had me taking piano lessons by the time I was nine. She loved the piano, loved hearing me play. I was actually going to be a music major because of her, but in between my freshman and sophomore year of college, I dropped out. She got sick and I wanted to help take care of her. When I was able to go back to school, I re-enrolled as a business major.”

“So, when you helped me with my bath, and washed my hair –"

“I used to help her, yes.”

I took his hand in mine, giving it a kiss before moving in closer to hug him.

“If it’s okay to ask, why did you switch to a business major instead of sticking with music?”

He sighed, “It’s fine - it just, it made more sense for me to do something more practical with my life. And it was more her dream for me. I think it just really hurt too much to keep doing it after she passed away. I was a real asshole after I returned to school, though.”

Max gave an empty chuckle, shaking his head like he was trying to get rid of the memory.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. There was this guy who was kind of a little punk. His girlfriend was into me, and I definitely slept with her just because I could. And then he had me kicked out of school for cheating, so - I punched him. I was kind of a mess.”

“Max!” I wanted to cry for him, but I settled for leaning into him instead and giving him a squeeze. “That’s not great, but college age is still very young, and it sounds like you were having a really hard time grieving. I think having you kicked out for cheating is a bit of overkill, though. What did you do after that?”

“Oh, it was fine. All of my credits transferred, I had good grades, and good recommendation letters from other professors, so I ended up graduating - just a bit later than anticipated.” He stood, holding me, thinking for a bit, “I actually ran into the guy a little while ago.”

“Really? What did you do - how did you react?”

“Uhhh, well. It turns out he worked at a branch of the company where I was hired - right before I was turned. After I was turned, I discovered that corporate was actually mostly vampires.”

I was stunned to hear this, and my face definitely reflected that as I leaned back to look at Max.

“Yeah. It’s true.” And he moved on, like it was no big deal, “Anyway, that branch of the company needed to, as HR put it, ‘be redistributed’, so that guy is no longer my concern.”

“What happened, Max?”

“Ehhh, there was some bad blood.”

“Literally or figuratively?”

“Okay, I was still pretty fresh and hyped up from the transition, and I probably should not have been put in the same room as him. Because I definitely tried to turn his new girlfriend and fuck her on the branch manager, Ted’s desk, and ended up just killing them both. Oopsy-daisy.” He shrugged as he said that last bit.

Blinking slowly at him, I responded, “What I said about overkill before? THIS part - is the actual overkill.”

“What was it you said earlier? My bad? I’m gonna go with that.”

“I didn’t say that. I might’ve said ‘my bat’?” I said with some snark.

He pulled me closer, “Oh, was that it?”

His face close to mine, he swerved past my lips as I went to kiss him, and nibbled at my ear, kissing my neck instead.

“You know, they started vampire group therapy sessions as part of our company benefits and it’s really worked wonders for morale.”

I laughed, “Really? Because I did wonder if such a thing existed.”

Squinting down at me, he said very low and smooth, “Oh yeah. Many, many wonders for morale. And for individuals, too.”

“I’m impressed that vampires are able to put together such comprehensive mental healthcare plans.”

“Can’t have a sound body without a sound mind.”

He said it like he was selling sex and reading off a Yogi Tea bag label. I rolled my eyes playfully - although, I was ultimately pleased to hear that he had access to it.

Breaking away from Max, I wandered over to the piano, “So - you still play?”

“Yeah. Of course - after I got kicked out at my first school, and I finally got going again at my second school, I decided to be a music minor. I took piano lessons, had to perform in a recital once a semester, performed and had my skills tested in juries at the end of every semester, the whole nine yards.”

He scooted the piano bench back, giving his long legs room, and his arms space to move as he sat down. He pointed at the white chair near the piano, encouraging me to have a seat.

“My abuela was a huge fan of Enrique Granados, and I used to play his Spanish Playera, Op. 5, No. 5 for her every time she asked.”

Running through a few scales first to warm up, he looked back at me and winked, “Okay, now I’m good to go.” I chuckled at how bubbly and eager he seemed to be, to show me his passion.

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As his fingers gracefully touched the keys - the low note grace notes, combined with offbeat chords, giving the harmonic sensation of a Spanish guitar - I relaxed back into the chair. Soon, the melody sang over the bass line, haunting and virtuosic, moving through sweet soft moments, into more intense, demanding chord progressions then back again, cycling through various sentiments of ardent fervor and subtle emotion.

Watching his hands was mesmerizing. His large fingers, you would think would be so cumbersome across the keys, but they were not. Quite the opposite, actually. Agile, smoothly running across, loosely reaching between keys with a practiced posture - the small tendons raising in the back of his hand, the muscles gently flexing. The way he pressed down on the keys, ensuring that each one was only as loud as he wanted it to be, his nuanced rubato was downright erotic.

As he finished, he let his hands sit on the keys, lifting them slightly, holding his foot on the pedal as the final delicate chord hung in the air, allowing it to breathe for just a moment before carefully lifting his foot off the pedal, releasing the notes from their captive audience of one.

Naturally, I slow-clapped for him. He turned around, and gave me his half-smile, and I let him have it, “I enjoyed every second of that. You play so passionately,” I put my hand on my heart, “I felt - everything. It definitely evokes the sensation of dance.”

His smile grew, “I’m glad you liked it. The composer, Granados, was a huge fan of the painter, Francisco Goya, and even wrote an entire piano suite called, Goyescas, based on his paintings and tapestries - which he then adapted into an opera, and then that even got turned into a movie.”

Max spoke quickly, invested in his subject, “But the saddest part is that he died when he was only 48 years old, after traveling to the U.S. to perform for President Wilson at the White House, and then premiering his Goyescas Opera at the New York Met Opera. He and his wife missed their original boat, and had to take another steamer ship to the U.K., which crossed the English Channel and was attacked by torpedoes from a German submarine. Because it was right in the middle of WWI. The boat sank and Granados and his wife perished, leaving behind six kids. Isn’t that incredibly sad?”

“Uh, yeah, Max. That’s super sad.” Leaning my head against my hand, furrowed brow, “But I certainly appreciate the backstory. I’m very curious about the Goyescas and how they relate to Goya’s paintings –” I drifted off, leaving space for him to tell me more.

“I thought that might interest you. I’ve always appreciated how much you communicate via music.”

He gave me a gentle smile, “There is another piece I’d like to play for you, a little bit calmer - if you want to grab that pillow from the chair, you can lie down under the piano and experience it in complete surround sound.”

As I picked up the pillow and set myself up awkwardly beneath the piano, with a healthy view of Max’s feet on the pedals and his legs - he bent over and peeked down at me, “This piece is by Debussy, it’s called Rêverie - it’s impressionistic, but it uses a lot of 5-7 chords that have a richness predating their common use in jazz. It’s a whole thing.” He waved his hand in the air, as a sort of ‘whatever’.

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Breathing out, I watched his foot step on the pedal before he’d even started playing a note. Suddenly I was surrounded by left handed rolling arpeggios, as I stared back into the inky black of the piano above me. The right hand melody came trickling in, cutting through like a boat through the mist, slowly floating along the musical river that carried it to its unknown destination. Each lift of Max’s foot on the pedal, a breath between phrases, sentences of a poem, and I relaxed in its embrace.

He lifted his foot after holding the final chord, and I wiped away the renegade tears forming that sought to make a fool of me. I knew they weren’t there because I was sad, but because I felt relieved to be with someone who sought to take such thoughtful care of me - with me. It had been so long, and I had been holding myself in so tightly, that my own body had started to feel like it had become a part of the wall I had put up to protect myself. Every ache and bruise felt new, but at the same time, I felt the warmth of being able to set them down without judgment.

This was a safe place. Max is a safe place.

Peering under the piano, Max gave me a wondering look, “Are you okay? Do you want to, maybe, come out from under there?”

I laughed lightly, “Yes, of course - that was really, really lovely.”

Max had come around the side of the piano, offering me his hand as I slid out from underneath.

“I can’t for the life of me figure out why you chose to switch to a business major, though? You play so beautifully - talent like that deserves to be shared.”

“Piano is very competitive,” he started, “and after my abuela passed away, I was all alone. I didn’t feel secure enough to pursue a career that didn’t guarantee that I would have financial security. Can you blame me for wanting a future?”

I shook my head sadly, not completely understanding his situation first hand, but of course, capable of comprehending that life sometimes makes difficult choices for us.

“Besides,” Max smirked, “It could’ve been worse.”

Confused, I tilted my head, “How so?”

“I could’ve grown up to be what I wanted to be in the seventh grade.” His eyes widened, and so did his grin, “A hype man for The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.”

“Are you kidding me?!” I yelped, laughing.

“I had all the moves, I even wore suspenders with a bow tie, and checker-print Vans.”

Looking pleased with himself, he stepped back to give himself space to dance.

“Oh no. I’m trying to picture you in suspenders and a bow tie and all I’m getting is Orville Redenbacher.”

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“The popcorn guy?? No way, I was way cooler than that! Check me out!”

He danced. It was dancing. Definitely of the 80’s and 90’s persuasion, some hype-man in there, a little bit of Jack Black. Of course, I gave him a soundtrack and turned on the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Heads Will Roll.

“Hey! This isn’t Ska! It’s not the right tempo.”

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Bursting out laughing, I told him, “I know. It’s just so much funnier to watch you try to dance like you’re dancing to Ska, when the music doesn’t match.”

I was crying a little bit, my breathing halted by my laughter, “I had a roommate in college who really struggled with rhythm, and always danced just a little bit faster than the music.” Pausing to gasp, wiping my eyes. “This is bringing back some very happy memories.”

Clutching my stomach, I leaned against the couch to hold myself up, laughing as Max continued dancing, just a little bit too quickly and frantically.

The song ended, and Max did a graceful leap over to where I was laughing, “Oh, I’m sure you had all of your shit together when you were in seventh grade.”

Still laughing, “No. No, no, no.” Resting a moment to catch my breath before continuing, “I was super bored in my math class, so I started drawing Kermit the Frog, and my friends had me draw him doing different things, being different celebrities - Tommy Boy, Pamela Anderson, Jerry Garcia. I made the mistake of showing the pictures to my mom, and from that point on, I never stopped receiving Kermit themed gifts. Henceforth, I was a Muppet Person - everything was Muppets whether I wanted it or not.”

I cried while laughing, caught in a state of humorous melancholy.

Max roared, as laughter tumbled from his lips, “No. No! Really?”

“I wanted to be so much more than that.” I wailed.

“That means you can draw, then - you’re an artist?”

“No, absolutely not. I haven’t drawn since. Well, actually - that’s a lie.”

He cocked his head in intrigue.

“I did do a bit of chalk art for this cocktail shop I worked at, and uh, after I tried to draw a chalk ad in the style of Ryan Gosling’s ‘Hey, Girl’ Era, they informed me that I no longer needed to do the chalk art, because they would be paying a professional.”

Sighing sadly, I went on, “My dreams for my own chalk art business named Chalka Khan went up in smoke, just like that.” I said, snapping my fingers.

“Was your slogan going to be, ‘I’m every woman’?” Max shook his head dramatically, as though he had long, flowing hair, suddenly channeling his inner diva.

Shaking my head at him, “Psssshhhh. No.” and then I sang, “Anything you want done baby, I do it naaaturally.” Giving him a little wink at the end.

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“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He held up his hands, palms forwards as if to beg me to stop. “That’s pretty good.”

“Yeah, but my art wasn’t - good - enough.” Punctuating those last three words, really hitting home the point.

Max frowned, “Awww. I’m sure it was so good.”

“It wasn’t. Everyone kept asking me why I drew my coworker, and not Ryan Gosling. I actually - I have proof.”

Pulling my phone out from my back pocket, I showed him the art in question.

He burst out laughing, immediately covering his mouth, “No, no. It’s not that – okay, it’s not Ryan Gosling. At all. I’m not sure who it is, Nic Cage - Jeff Golblum, maybe? But the font’s not bad.”

“Thank you for that! I’m actually really into fonts, and I’ve been into them ever since middle school, when someone got me a little book with a fancy pen. I did them all! I don’t care for Papyrus, though.”

“What about Wingdings?” Max asked, focusing his eyes on me.

“Are you kidding me? I live and die by Wingdings. It’s in my will - my tombstone will read, born: file folder, open mailbox, telephone, pencil - died: peace sign, open book, boat helm, scissors-mid-cut, lit candle.”

“Wow. Planning on living a long time, huh?”

“Who knows?” I smirked. “Maybe forever.”

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