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nerosdayinanime · 1 year

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Responding here to ur tag response to my question on this post so i dont clog up your notes over there 😅

That concept is so cool!! Can you tell me more about the dynamics? (Like what are the specific differences that made you classify Sabito as alpha prime instead of just alpha?)

When you say the Primes effect more and are effected more than the others what exactly do you mean?

Do you become a Prime when you take on a certain roll in your pack or is it just a option during the initial presenting event?

Are Primes like a subsection of their dynamic or are they a whole new one? (3 broad dynamics society vs 5 specific dynamics society)

How does everybody being abo (and Sabito being alive) effect their relationships with each other in this AU compared to canon?

And lastly, what are everybody's designations in this au? 👀

I kinda got carried away with the questions whoops

ok important distinction to get out of the way first- i see a/b/o as terms to describe phenomena, not strict definitions people fall into. i dont like omegaverse things like that bc 1 i love biology & speculative evolution and through that lens it makes absolutely 0 fucking sense to me and 2 i dont like omegaverse basically being reduced to sexism 2.0 with submissive feminine omegas, dominant masculine alphas, and boring betas.

i completely understand and see the appeal in traditional a/b/o but i also think its severely limiting

to answer your questions off the bat:

sabito as an alpha prime mostly just bc i really really like giving him big/visible fangs and that influenced some worldbuilding choices lmao

imagine having ur senses turned up 200%. theyre just as affected by a drop of pheromones as normal dynamics are a litre. theyre way more sensitive to others' and their own is far more potent

theres no 'presenting event' either you stay not very reactive to pheromones(beta) you start reacting to pheromones normally(alpha/omega) or you start to be fuck-off sensitive to pheromones(a/o prime) (ppl dont choose or get assigned a secondary dynamic its just something that Happens and a/b/o are terms used to describe wide trends)

its still 3 broad dynamics, primes are considered a sub-category/more specific variant of alpha/omega

mmm, id say overall theyre pretty much the same? rengokus & mitsuri are closer-knit, tengen and them kinda make a trio, sabito's almost part of the mini-group(The Loud Ones)- sanemi and obanai still dislike giyuu, now its got an added 'omega has his alpha wrapped around his finger and makes him do the dirty work instead' bc he never bothers to defend himself from them so sabito steps up and tells them to fuck off- then theres the obvious kamado situation. sabito's neutral abt them after he gets over his initial anger but cmon. its tanjiro. youre not staying neutral for long. giyuu more protective of them from the get-go

theres only a few ppls who are set in stone lmao- sakonji-alpha sabito-APrime giyuu-omega tanjiro-OPrime nezuko-N/A sanemi-beta obanai-beta mitsuri-OPrime kyojuro-alpha

my version of a/b/o

secondary dynamics arent dependent on sex, theyre two separate spectrums and secondary dynamics are Secondary

secondary dynamics start to develop with puberty, not really finished until somewhere in 20s

you cant tell what someone's secondary dynamic will be until it starts to present

betas are the hardest to tell bc sometimes ppl are just late bloomers, late20s-30s and they still dont react to scents very strongly or havent had a heat/rut theyre probably a beta

[shitty doodle of the parabola graphic- up-down is omega/alpha left-right is not sensitive-very sensitive]

betas still smell scents but arent sensitive to pheromones and their own arent very strong either, some can have mini-heats or ruts. overall if theyre not very reactive to scents and they dont have noticeable fangs or any changes to their reproductive organs theyre considered a beta

alphas and omegas have stronger scents (a beta would need to be actively projecting their scent to be on the same level as alpha/omega's baseline) and are sensitive to pheromones.

secondary dynamics influence sex but are not influenced by sex; males who are omegas can develop female reproductive systems and females who are alphas can develop male reproductive systems. this results in tons of possible combinations, though not everything /works/ since they'd need the matching internal & external parts to actually reproduce.

with male omegas/female alphas; commonly, either the secondary reproductive system doesnt develop at all or the secondary external develops alongside the original*. less commonly the secondary external develops and the original internals swap to the secondary. very rarely the secondary will fuck up the original internals and make someone sterile. very VERY rarely will someone develop both original and secondary reproductive systems that are fully functional

main biggest difference between alphas and omegas is mostly in whether they have a heat(& nest) or a rut(& claim territory)

heats typically start off with some warning signs before the actual heat kicks in(preheat) omegas will start to be clingy and seek safety/closeness with their pack for a few days, along with starting to give off a heat scent. omegas usually dont smell their own heat scent until its already pretty strong(closer to heat) so others around them usually notice the scent first. heat hits with a full body fever for a day or two, its extremely uncomfortable and usually omegas drop out of coherency. behind the scenes all kinds of reward chemicals and other important stuff in the brain are thrown way out of wack- no one really notices that tho bc theyre usually blearily rolling around suffering through a mind-numbing fever. after it abates theyre left with the still fucky brain balance and dont really get back all the coherency they lost from the fever, still a little out of it for the whole duration of heat. theyre more sensitive to changes in their emotions and more sensitive to physical contact, heats in their usual state are non-sexual and an omega simply seeks security affection and comfort from their pack. excessively negative emotions caused by lack of security or comfort can cause an omega to be extremely panicky/depressive/aggressive (borderline feral) and its not fun for anyone involved. the omega going through it is overrun with negative thoughts/feelings/emotions and the scent of an omega going through a disruptive heat is especially nauseating & discomforting to anyone around (an intense need to Fix It and make the omega feel better). on the flip-side, omegas being more sensitive to emotion and physical contact can lead to a state of near constant euphoria/ecstasy in sexual heats between mates (the more traditional version of heat)

omegas will go into heat in the presence of another omega's heat if they are emotionally connected (family, pack, friends, etc) and an omega's heat can cause an alpha to start their rut (& vice-versa ruts causing heats)

ruts cause a similar fucky brain balance but not nearly to the same degree as heats, alphas will seek out affection and their instinct to protect is sent into absolute overdrive. mother hen x500. it causes them to be a lot more agitated which leads to more aggression bc more things are seen as a threat.

sexual ruts with mates sends their instinct to make sure the other IS and feels safe/good into overdrive and They Will Not Leave Their Mate

nesting is the usual find soft things make comfy/safe bed/area for pack and is extremely personal/fiercely defended from those who its not meant for; claiming territory is a wider application of 'make area feel comfy/safe for pack' alphas will patrol or steak out vantage points of their selected territory, like omegas they also dont take kindly to intruders**

alphas are built a bit more for power and tend to be offensive/face confrontation head-on(make opponent lose ground, get threats as far away from my pack as possible); while omegas are built a bit more for speed/agility and tend to be defensive/run loops around confrontations(dont let opponent gain any ground, keep threats from getting any closer to my pack) its not solid evidence when trying to tell someone's dynamic off it alone because people's natural variation is so wide and people's experiences can change how theyd react to stress and such so its usually ignored but trends Can be seen

*giyuu's like that male omega has both parts externally but no uterus so. no mpreg for him</3

**it can be kinda subtle sometimes, one example ive posted is sabito physically situating himself so hes between his pack(giyuu/tanjiro/nezuko) and the threat (sanemi/rest of the hashira)

i think thats everything? feel free 2 ask for clarification if i fucked up explaining or missed something

#abo sabigiyu surprise adoption au #i need a better name for this au its hard to type(it doesnt automatically pop up when i start typing it)#could change it to the much more catchy mamasabigiyu i use in my notes #heats/ruts are nonsexual by default theyre supposed to be cuddle sessions. basically biologically enforced Group Rest Time & Social Bonding #oh fuck i didnt even think abt scenting #shit. fuck. this whole damn time and i never thought about scenting. fuck my entire life #makes me think of the mitsugiyu abo fic someone posted(& i reblogged- its somewhere under the loserboy tag) mitsuri was all over him #something something scent glands somewhere around the wrists hips & base of neck on either side #its like on the sides of the neck just above the curves of the collar bone. either side of the jugular #hips just inside the jut of the pelvis- those r the spicier scent gland spots when ur trailing- no... i shan't continue....#anyway the prime thing i saw in some abo fic i'll have to find again and i cemented the idea in my own head trying to connect the dots w #tanjiro's super smell ability. hes a little weirdo his enhanced sense of pheromones also translated to general scents & smells #s gotta be overwhelming #anyways gonna stop there i always take to long to write this shit out and even longer to hit post for some reason #goin to bed ill post kitsune!sab tomorrow #FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION THE FANGS IN MORE DETAIL #ill edit later

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fadeintocase · 2 years

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Ever since u released buzzified, and after watching ur streams, it got me thinking. Do u think that “mental illness” dx’s (depression, anxiety, psychosis, mania, ocd) are actual illnesses? Or rather (wrt suburbanites) a result of cellular inflammation, consuming large amts of hfcs, an intellectually understimulating environment, etc. and an excuse to weaponize shitty behavior? or (wrt the working class) a tool used by psychiatry to further marginalize ppl? And/or a manifestation of trauma?

oh boy. there's nuance to this. I think there's a whole clusterfuck of bad ways to look at things that meet at a head and result in our current outlook on mental health.

There's a lot, but let me try to consolidate all my feelings the best i can.

First off, i do not think our society is built to produce a "neurotypical" brain by default, and i don't think it has for decades now. Social media, engagement, parasocial communication and reaction baiting prioritized over actual socialization, everything bo burnham talks about in interviews. That's all very real.

Secondly, i believe the commonly understood meaning of "neurotypical" is completely fanciful. It's a hypothetical ideal state that can be measured against, but i do not know if i have ever in my life met a "neurotypical" person. I've seen well adjusted people that certainly have SOMETHING they are adjusting well to, and i've seen people who seem "normal" completely fall apart mentally over a matter of years. The truth is, as i see it, the brain has a lot of plasticity, and there can be healthy routines, unhealthy routines, structures too rigid they burn people out, and structures too loose they spiral into chaos. These structures and routines can be built by someone's own choices and actions, or put upon them from their environment because of their situation. These cycles are like 90% of what "mental health" is on its face.

Thirdly, i think there is a kind of clinicalization of mental health that aims to treat and alleviate symptoms, in the way that most medicine does, but that does not emphasize and sometimes even OBFUSCATES the effects of and need for positive behavioral and environmental changes. (With regard to working class people, a lot of these things, like having the right amount of rest or liesure time to activity time, work-life balance, proper diet, etc. are certainly class-gated.)

Fourth(ly), i think this clinicalization works really well for people in PMC classes, (who are generally the kind to live in the curly-q suburbs i talk about in If-Then), because the pressures they impress upon themselves are usually stable and structured. You get up and get in your SUV and drive from your suburb to your job, stop at a starbucks to get way too much caffiene and sugar for one human in one day, find an excuse to be mean to a coworker because you haven't finished your coffee yet, have one misunderstanding with a boss that's suddenly the worst thing ever, carry those bad feelings all day, stop at target on the way back, and routinely cuss out the cashier for SOMETHING, then go home and drink too much wine for one human in one day and wake up feeling sick and tired so you go wake up and get your coffee again and hate your life all day for another day again. Eventually when you burn your body out enough that torturing your endocrine system isn't cutting it anymore, you get on a medication and now have to make sure you don't drink that bottle of wine every night. Suddenly your routine which you always had just feels easier and you start posting things like "if you're happy and you know it, it's your meds". Also because the demographics of ppl like this tend to have their health care covered or at least affordable to them, and tend to hit enough other boxes that doctors consider "typical", a mentally unwell patient like this will be considered more meaningful than someone of a lower class that doctors subconsciously won't regard as civilized enough. I see a lot of people who could benefit massively from some of the things afforded to more privileged people, but they just don't have the right job with the right benefits or sometimes even the right schedule to make needed doctors' visits viable. So much of the pressures that lower-class people have to face will result in healthy reactions from the body. Senses of anxiety around safety, or food or developed compulsions to check things may actually be SENSIBLE REACTIONS to their environment. Their anxiety may be justified and REAL. The depression and hopelessness some people feel may actually be an accurate assessment of their situation. And there is nothing that medicating those feelings can do to help the effects their situation is having on their health.

Fifth(ly), yes absolutely i believe over-sugared cellular inflammation, over-caffienation, latent hangovers, sleep deprivation, the increase of CO2 in the atmosphere, i think all of these things can collectively chip away at your body and your brain's ability to function. I think the pressures especially forced on class brakets that take on more labor are absolutely depriving them of basic needs and replacing them with bullshit toxicity that makes its way into our cultural staples. I believe that our job market and our economy and our political reality can lead people to very real and very informed and very accurate states of hopelessness and nihilism. The only hope for this is to fix our system.

Sixth, America in particular is BUILT on self-exceptionalism. Everyone wants to be part of something, but also wants an excuse to be unique as a part of that something, not like the other girls, or "yeah doing this bare minimum thing every human being needs for homeostasis doesn't work for me, (so i'd rather not do it than trying and possibly sacrificing this part of my personality)." When i was a teen i saw a million people do the "I'm so dark. deranged, insane... i'm so twisted, you will never understand me." And looking back, it was a coin flip chance whether they self-DX'd and kept up the same bit with a more specific diagnosis, or whether they just decided one day it was more beneficial to be normal and they dropped the act. This culture hasn't gone away in the decade and a half since i was 15. We millennials already know about the "doing dishes is a trigger for me" suburbanite roommate meeting the "i wanted a found family that wouldn't constantly stress me about finances but all of you motherfuckers are children i am now raising" working class roommate. It's just easier to be broken, more unique to be broken, and more burden to be working. The privileged know this. Upper classes have far more experience with being rewarded for crying your way out of responsibility.

Seventh, There are certainly real mental illnesses, and there are real purposes for those diagnoses. I've seen people's with schizofrenia and how it melts their psyche. I've seen people with DID (not the fun RP-pretend kind) who just got less and less able to grasp reality over time, on a literal neurological level. But more often than not, if a kid tiktok or tumblr with their clean nice clothes in their clean nice room is going off finding a way to compartmentalize all of their personality traits into symptoms of diagnoses they haven't gotten, it's probably Munchausen's syndrome.

also, please let me express, NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THAT SEROTONIN AND MELATONIN ARE BOTH MADE FROM TRYPTOPHAN. TRYPTOPHAN BECOMES SEROTONIN WHICH IS THEN CONVERTED INTO MELATONIN IF YOU NEED IT. NO ONE EVER EXPLAINS THIS? NO ONE EVER, IN MY HOPPING OF MEDS AND MY QUESTIONS ABOUT "HOW DO I MAKE MORE SEROTONIN" EVER TOLD ME THAT YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING MORE FUCKING VEGETABLES AND SLEEPING WHEN YOU ARE TIRED! IF YOU FEEL TIRED THAT'S THE MELATONIN AND IF YOU DON'T SLEEP YOU'RE BURNING THROUGH ALL OF THE SEROTONIN YOUR BODY IS MAKING! I HAD TO RESEARCH THIS MYSELF AND EVERY DOCTOR AND BIOLOGIST I'VE CHECKED THIS WITH HAS SAID "THAT'S PRETTY MUCH CORRECT." BUT THE WAY THINGS ARE EVERY PSYCHIATRIST WILL SOONER TELL YOU THAT YOU SIMPLY CANNOT MAKE MORE SEROTONIN AND YOU NEED AN SSRI TO DO THAT. AND THAT IS WRONG. IT'S INCORRECT.

YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING TRYPTOPHAN AND THEN SLEEPING.

YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING TRYPTOHAN AND THEN SLEEPING.

YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING TRYPTOPHAN AND THEN SLEEPING.

and our whole society is built on keeping you from doing fucking anything but that and then selling you a solution. Mental illnesses are very real, but we are all sick, and we do not care to get better.

#mental health

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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years

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"can write amazing [xyz] narratives but only unintentionally" wrt ppl writing Textually Autistic characters like That vs writing autistic characters all the time based on unknowingly encountering autistic people all the time as like "insistently weird (&/or rude?) other people who annoy us but at least exist peripherally" w/all the problems of a dismissive, uninformed, unsympathetic stance, but Not the problems of a dismissive uninformed unsympathetic stance while supposedly committing to some serious & deliberate portrayal

that is to say my going "omg his autistic swag" re: winston which i am correct about & that ofc that [these are Othered characters] only enhances the verisimilitude & relatability like, yeah, i exist in the world lmao i've been the collectively excluded coworker, of all the characters at [situation] i am not the one who the story's about, the way you have to kind of fudge or in turn be dismissive of canon to invoke the idea that anyone cares about winston, like we've all seen it, that you need people to hold to principles abt how to treat Anyone Else that they do not hold to, that [people personally care about your experience b/c they personally like you] doesn't come through when being nd means being deemed impersonable & unlikable by most people most of the time, that ppl will be hostile b/c instead their interpersonal interactions are about excluding & punishing as an exercise of their elevated social power, & this is justified by "but they bring it upon themselves & should just Learn n Choose to Act Right anyways" organic aba attitude directed towards anyone who gets to be considered "abnormal," ppl being mean / derisive right in front of you b/c of assuming you Can't participate in interactions even to register the treatment but also b/c they just figure they Can, which is true, b/c the target doesn't have the social power here & everyone else is bound to unionize around the person who Does / personally likes them better or whatever. like literally so true king as winston gets bullied constantly / made an individual exception for mistreatment and nobody cares abt that or anything else, and also people will tend to only value you for some perceived niche usefulness to take advantage of

here comes a segue, also that i can go "well i know how i'm treated so like Samesies to all that, but even though in my heart i Am spontaneous & theatrical & enthusiastic & Talkative, i am usually not being that way externally so i guess not very same" like fucking godspeed to winston never letting up on just saying things, as a person, who should get to talk, even though everyone else hates it & punishes him for it. which is like, well it's b/c otherwise even if it's Realistic he'd stop interacting w/anyone around him or just leave, he wouldn't get material that way (although sometimes his material does just get to be [effective extra / background rando]) and also it's like, you can't [make the right personal choices] your way out of being affected by ableism & when you Don't talk that's also rude & weird & excluded & punished etc etc, like how winston can also get shit when he hasn't even said anything, And at the cost of [not getting to talk]. just about picking your poison, both options are shit and hurt the person who has to make the choice, maybe just potentially trying to guess which one will work slightly better in some situation, based on that situation, what you want out of it rn, what you've got to work with atm, masking being a shitty experience but also a sometimes needed on a practical basis strategy but also takes effort & energy someone may not have & still never fully works when most autistic ppl will have spent plenty of time trying to be "normal / correct" and yet ofc are not received that way & accepted as Worthy enough to treat like a "normal" person, and are still autistic. (shoutout to at least trying to have more Options, e.g. to persist to talk and just express my personality anyways as winston does is what woud be more difficult for me, so it's like hell yes lol. and i mean idk ideally How To Mask isn't even just like, the way it would be in [inadvertent autistic character] media where oh Finally the person realizes they're in the Wrong & should choose to be normal vs so rudely being themself, and other people will totally finally value them as a fellow person who deserves fundamental respect for that fact (syke). rather than autistic people discussing their own strategies As practical strategies to be Potentially consciously employed when necessary for xyz effect, which is still not guaranteed to succeed.)

which is just how like, a masking autistic person who doesn't say much wouldn't get to be a character, and sure thinking about struggling to relate to any Characters ever very directly since forever lol, like, as a kid being like "well i get good grades b/c i'm not like allowed to get a C & knocking out school shit conveniently comes pretty easily" but like the Good Grade Kid in anything being like "i love school sm & i wish i was studying rn" vs me like well i hate school more than not & do hw last minute & never study? and other Shrugging abt external traits that can continue to this day lmao where i'm only just now like, you'd be considered A Bad Character (in terms of being too Uninteresting too Not Plot Driving to be worth focus / non npcness) and ofc you're not really the peak externally anxious ones ever even if you suppose you'd more outwardly align thusly....but that i've also always recognized that [well this is how i'm treated / regarded] in having this tendency to prefer side / tertiary characters who may be funny little guys, peripheral jokes, generally framed as Less Serious than the mainer characters w/their less relatable or interesting goings on. and this being somewhat conscious as well lmao like that's right i'm being contrarian get the protagonists or the like ten year olds who are deemed serious/worthy enough that it's logical to bestowing some romantic subplot upon them (some things never changing lol, like oh sorry was winston having a crush supposed to be instantly universally understood as a joke just like [his sexuality] adjacent matters are more dragged out into the open so as to make that more of a joke as well i guess, the Billions punishment of who gets dignity(tm) and who can't help but have serious romantic subplots as perhaps required,even rendered Inevitable, by being serious, deserving characters. very curious about why there is a lack of info about ben kim's love life at all. is he hanging in perfect balance between "too secondary/tertiary funny little guy to devote time thusly. for like even a passing mention? do we count his fake marriage plot? his elevator take off your shirt maneuvers?" and "too Sympathetic to be mocked / to have the Indignity of others knowing abt [his sexuality] adjacent matters, as a joke at his expense as well" like. very mysterious. monocle thinking emoji Considering the matters re: tuk as well. that if winston is presumed to have had casual sex last season that wasn't just another joke at his expense somehow, it may be because he was proximate enough to tuk's Sympathetic / somewhat more Serious character treatment in that instance? however. would also consider tuk talking to wendy abt like "well i was dumped my gf thinks i'm weird and look at how much longer my texts are than hers" to be a bit of Indignity & Joke At His Expense. like no wonder he & winston may have apparently gone from getting off on the wrong foot to embracing each other offscreen to show back up later in the season as good pals. the nd people do find each other lol, and/or just being able to operate on principles like "trying" to "understand" "another person" ever, and the like, b/c being Normal(tm) isn't some objective reality, after all. but i can't presume they're even meant to be Genuine Friends for Sure when a) maybe winston's supposed to instead be presumed as somehow so aggressive despite being the guy continuously run over & suckerpunched by everyone around him over nothing and everything, like omg stop rudely telling tuk to just be himself without the organic aba of "here's how Winners act, axe cap style or otherwise," what an asshole to be Pressuring him to be Fine how he Is, and b) idk we haven't seen much abt it yet & so far it's winston seeming to be backing/hyping tuk up, which is fun, just doesn't make it [whoa, a character Does care abt anything re: winston] guaranteed from tuk or anything)

anyways back to how as a kid i'd be like "to hell w/the narrative prioritizing these ppl's stories & framing them as deservingly more serious, i'm inherently on the side of that funny little guy often cropping up to be deemed a bit weird & pushed aside / dismissed" like yeah Clearly i was recognizing the autistacity & etc of it all lmfao. a classic time in like fourth grade english / literature / reading whatever class where Everyone was reading the same assigned book & one in-class project was like, of the four middle school kids in this thing, pick your favorite & decorate a tee that's Them themed. and of the like circa twenty or thirty of us, me and one other guy picked the one out of the four characters who had the like seemingly lowest stakes devoted/pov chapters & whose other thing was being received / often enough dismissed for being overly Pedantic or details focused or whatever all lol like, and so what? we love fun facts (also the whole Interpretation of like, someone who shares a lot of trivia all the time? Must be presenting themself as an authority (b/c that's the only way we all operate when communicating, surely) and Must think they are a Know It All with nothing to learn (?????????) the only reason someone might, say, study up on some niche lore that nobody else would think matters, much less share it....of course....) anyways. revisited available excerpts more recently like well i was right, delightful passages and of Course that character resonated. i'd say like well nowadays i'll still oft relate to the funny little unserious side characters but i'll Know why i relate vs doing it on principle lol. like well yes i'm perhaps somewhat better at noticing Why i relate. though still get tripped up by the externality of it all sometimes like "well i guessss i'm technically more like outwardly anxious character a but i'm more engaged by & cheering for That lively menace over there" like, oh wait right, i don't Really relate as much to the former vs latter after all, it's just that i'd never manifest As Is as A Character b/c it doesn't serve story flow or whatever lmfao so gotta reverse engineer things through that lens / afford for plenty of flexibility lol....but Also i still do it on principle somewhat too lmfao like hell yes that's right, valuing the non prominent dismissed punished quanternary character who is limited to only being peripheral & somewhat diminished in worth even by the author/s themself b/c of being autistic? winston billions is just like me for real. just inadvertently recreating "how We All totally react to People who are just like That, yknow" like yeah i sure do know. trying for having it both ways re: the material not being wholly unsympathetic or Constantly unserious towards winston either, but also a) the themes of "what's deemed worthy qualities / behaviors, how are they judged to outwardly manifest in people / thus inferred by others to be present" can only be explored the ways the writers explore them, and if the writers are limited by "but i mean also, we're all just Normal & value Normalcy too, right, so [ppl who are Weird & Annoying like That] are abnormal Others, while to be someone going >:/ at them, writing them off, and/or either punishing them for how they Always Insist On Being or accepting/permitting others doing that: is to be Normal. and among Us" (i played a few rounds of among us again the other day finally. gamer mode restored. and Again just like winston fr) then the material is limited to that too. can't be surprised if "wellll. people are kind of needlessly mean to them i guess, and i guessss they're still a person after all, but they Are cringer & fail, i.e. Worse, than the rest of us, & it's just not a big deal if others are always awful to them, b/c that's just so Normal" when that's the common irl stance & this may simply be imitating life w/o that much deeper thought / exploration of another perspective....cue how [taylor can really only talk abt not being cishet when relating it to someone's cishet situational problem] could be explained like:

yeah taylor Does feel / recognize based on experience that they have to dilute their own experiences / translate them for these very [i'm so normal and correct and also cishet] people around them, like how just breathing the air can be discomfiting....but then there's also matters like "taylor having to be closeted as Not nonbinary (although did they really?) sure was handled By The Non-Other-Character Elements of the Material in ways that seem very. [normal correct cishet] perspective'd and are uncomfortable and lacking to readily disrespectful from an alternate perspective, perhaps, which differs from "also, characters being wrong / assholes about it" which may also be featured, though they may not be Meant as written to be as wrong as they are interpreted to be as nonbinary viewers. so like. Limits of [material] limited by the writers....that the general / assumed point of viewer perspective around here sure seems to be quite nt / cishet....that it's wildly plausible the entire writers room is allistic and/or accepts that "Normal" and Correct perspective on autistic ppl as "idk, those weird annoying losers who are just Like That so we all rightfully hate them, which means the manifestation of that in how we treat them is Right too" and that it's normal for some people to get to treat others however they want based on being better / more deserving, b/c like, everyone else is Choosing to be worse & deserving less power. analyzed in the show, even, but it's like how it's Normal to be like "i understand abuse = bad" but also Normal to not know how it operates or looks & think it's defined by a sufficient degree of Exceptionality & the unknowable intent/feelings of the parties involved & ultimate logical conclusions of victim blaming b/c Eye would never be abused & they have to get out of it Themselves instead of Accepting it like they do, something's wrong w/you if you're mistreated w/o Just Walking Away, so the [vice versa] applies as well, you're mistreated w/o just walking away if something's wrong w/you. and abuse can't be everywhere & acceptable & permeating, just like autistic people can't be everywhere, nor trans people, nor other Ostensibly Understood As Bad values like [some people are inferior] or [What golden rule] or [actually you do always know what other ppl are going through so if they're not like =( then do whatever, and if they Were hurt/struggling, it's their fault for hiding it?? also if they weren't hiding it they're being pathetic bitches anyways??? get over yourself????] like the old "damn we'll just call anything abuse nowadays and we're saying it way too much and victims really have too much power" attitude like, first of all what else is new, what else is(n't) a perspective exclusive to interpersonal abuse. there's way too many trans and autistic people nowadays yeah, i jumped aboard based on nothing but wanting that sweet social clout, and i do live like a king now thanks....really tying it all together like, tbt despite [oh ways of yore i was clearly having my queer / autistic experiences w/o Knowing it but i knew it was Something] also applying to [abusive home life] i didn't start to figure like "oh but is it Abuse(tm)" despite [yes.] when it's like, it's never really directly represented when it's a very special topic abt physical abuse of a child that's quickly obvious to others, or it's the weird like cartoon evil family while the protagonist is Unaffected & still normal(tm) enough, or it's "stuff that happens to children all the time that's deemed inappropriate to invoke around children," & only through a media experience when eighteen where there was Effectively textual enough abuse despite not using the word b/c it was also only portrayed obliquely around a teen who was first received as kind of weird but also not like the "so, Unsympathetic & unimportant" kind of weird, & in being the externally [quiet] way that i also tend to be, so it was like, huh.......that might have been......Relatable

and i'm now recklessly slinging around the word Abuse like we do in this day & age, like how that's what bullying is, even when bullying is supposed to be Not That Bad and Normal and Often Enough Deserved / Avoidable (so: deserved), just like abuse in general lol like it's really not abnormal even while ppl will be like well it's inherently this outlier point one percentile experience, right. like how trauma has to be abnormal and restrict itself to being an exception / outlier, right, ppl just throwing it around all the time for things that aren't that bad or a result of deliberate, evil intent and isn't the real problem when people who have the power to thoughtlessly hurt others might have to Exert Thought abt themselves? which means to power to not even have to think abt it has been at all upended and perhaps diminished?? which means something is Wrong. it's the abused people who are tyrannically avoiding interactions with me On My Terms b/c i've never had to think about, much less bother, how to actually consciously be safe to interact with. anyways that is to say i'm still like embarrassed to be like, f that it Is abuse to be bullied, to act like someone else is something that belongs to you and that you get to use to take something you want from them, so as to say that like, that Is what winston experiences lol. we Are out here like "does being autistic inherently come with experiences that align w/trauma, or is virtually every autistic person experiencing trauma b/c of how they're treated on various fronts like all thee time" and i guess rian's thing now is that she's surprised that power imbalances are for real and has expected them to Not Exist when it comes to wanting to be, and assuming to be, considered & treated as a peer by any higher ups, but despite her condemnation of ppl Using others, or having been bullied but even being beyond hating anyone about that or anything else, she immediately decides winston is of use to her as entertainment, and potentially the simple rewards of an affirmed power trip whenever she Can treat him however she wants, spontaneously & openly, and/or even via the more distilled/direct power affirmation of "i can try to hurt this person; now they're clearly hurt." the sort of damning fact she'll put effort into interacting with him More, and more Personally, b/c she decided she was interested in his interest (Despite his interest....) but the moment she's busy being superiorly normal & serious it's back to [hurting him] mode as he tries to interact with her on "we're peers, something of friends, and we've Been talking abt this stuff" mode, b/c even if there's any reciprocity / more genuine interactions ever, he's still at the mercy of what she wants, which has been [various manifestations of her using him for various purposes] and disdain for his efforts to appeal/connect or even to act like he can assume he is, and will be treated like, a peer. who could be so clueless. what kind of sicko would use people and be like "so long as i have the advantage such as that i Can use anyone, it's b/c i deserve to, for being better than them" (rian would, in a "normal" way). also that it's still [taylor handshake winston] territory despite taylor relating to & personally favoring rian & not intervening on her, or anyone else's treatment of winston....taylor also thinks they have to put up with all these besties questioning if they're human w/human feelings, and wendy truly in that Enabler role w/axe like, wow taylor after i narced on what you seemingly personally confided to me to axe so that he could still use you as his best golden child tool, you still left b/c of how axe mistreats & uses you & blames you for it & won't actually accept he's in the wrong on basic principle???? i'm wronged too here & i'm sooo pissed & i'm going to hurt you as much as i can =)

& then [everything wendy does re: tayor & axe in s5 and throwing them under the bus, "after i specifically asked you not to" from taylor, b/c all that matters re justifying such treatment (doing Whatever re: taylor so long as wendy doesn't really care abt taylor caring abt the consequences) is her idea of her relationship w/axe, which in actuality is ungodly btw] like. & then:

their real dad is shit & seems pretty safe to presume abusive when he barges in being transphobic & shitty abt it & has only showed up b/c he can Use them for his own ego ambitions & feels taylor is obligated to support him b/c they're his child (& taylor feels that obligation too) & this meager suggestion he cares at all about what's fundamentally important to taylor is enough to move them to tears & then he'll say he has no reason to be in taylor's life if they're not devoting everything into giving him what he wants. but their stand-in shit parent who is axe, who Does win by being Here & (more) consistently being "don't be transphobic to taylor. usually. ish" & actually knowing/getting things about them vs douglas not having a clue or even more limited by [clearly only interpreting things in ways that are convenient to him. like the convo about math where he pretends his not emotionally supporting his child & only being reachable on his terms through his (work) interests was him doing what was for / worked the best] but, like taylor says, does still only ultimately view and treat them like a tool he owns and can Use however. and wendy's been another tool of his who gets this supposed special status b/c she keeps the operation running w/axe reined in just enough sometimes to not lose access to things, like to employees, who wendy will try to appease so they don't don't Betray & Wrong axe (and her, apparently) by reacting to how they're treated and to the fact they have no recourse via appealing for better by just leaving, or maybe arrogantly wanting a raise or something. which like, Is a logical extension of [offer Therapy that keeps employees from quitting / underperforming / do HR that keeps employees from quitting + suing the company / do "mediation" that blames the aggrieved party & requires they compromise, i.e. cede things to whoever is wronging them] b/c again like, abuse and its logic/principles Is very "normal," workers are exploited, only do as much damage control re: whatever supposed Mistreatment is required to keep people in line and things running along. being abused by family is like, oh yeah more of the same then just existing anywhere autistically in interpersonal interactions where i'm still not a person & punished for nothing except whatever narrative/interpretations are put on me & the impulsive feelings of everyone w/more social power, or more of the same re: [capitalism] and anything else wrt Some People Are Better / More Of People Than Others. and/or that on top of that you Do run into ppl who, unknowingly, w/o textual labels, are abusive & recognize someone's tendency through experience to endure mistreatment / their vulnerability such that nobody else will recognize it as mistreatment or at least won't intervene out of respect for your superior social status/power rather than, like, respect for the fact you're both people & that, on principle, there shouldn't be this unilateral "well but That person deserves to be treated this way for being inherently inferiorly Less Goodnormal" put into practice. i've sure had abusive friends, or acquaintances, or coworkers, or [complete strangers]. winston has an abusive friend. taylor at least has had that re: wendy, even if wendy's been unmoored from who she was enabling there the whole damn time and so went all season Not trying to wrangle taylor into staying in a vulnerably usable position for that person, putting them in that position herself, and undermining or punishing them preemptively and/or after they've Acted Out Of Line, and of course, dismissing any criticisms, unless mafee unasked calls her an asshole half for the ways she's used him too and then she's like "i'm so ethical, i told the truth about my revenge hipaa violations, that's all that matters??? who will bribe the ethics board out of rescinding my license?? omg axe our relationship is so amazing. we can even do one housework" like, eugh.

anyways taylor handshake winston. fighting the discomfort and guilt of talking about Abuse as Abuse b/c oh but it's not that bad. taylor thinking they bring it upon themself and/or should have to be able to handle/weather it themself and accept all responsibility for what other people can & have done to them, very [i've Been having to endure abuse] approaches lol, perhaps limited themself such as that they can't intervene even in how an employees treated by another b/c well, the same perspectives apply. (although bit of a sidenote in another anticipated Usual / Common Enough Media Perspective / limit in the perspective of whoever's writing it, in that you know. despite [oh you bring it upon yourself], it's Also like, well, people threatening the existing structures w/power over their lives is Also wrong & evil, though. like that abused people become evil and Want Revenge and maybe hate someone who didn't treat them as a person & had the power to do so, fucked up of them. vs it's also fucked up if nobody helped them but they just Took It and didn't have the Self Respect to be bothered enough to Feel Mistreated, surely. it's only okay if they felt bad but weren't angry and someone saves them but it's not necessarily too much effort / they never perceive that the person they're saving hasn't done what they should to facilitate the efficiency of their own being saved....conveniently, the version of things where nobody's relative power has to change or be threatened. anyways, what i'm getting around to is how unsurprising a stance it would be if it's like, "oh sure i guess maybe rian's a little mean but a) winston started it by deserving it And it's not a big deal and b) if winston "gets back" at her by idk, being angry, disliking her, much less doing anything petty, that will be The Real problem like oh rian was just innocently doing normal things but winston, inferior and abnormal and undeserving as he is, is thus the one truly Out Of Line. axe being terrible to taylor, but the Real issue is taylor Betraying him by recognizing that and breaking away and, gasp, perhaps negatively affecting axe & his company in the process. axe was just doing his thing! cmon! and he's so epic! vs taylor being weird and so maliciously consciously strategizing to their own benefit and only their own benefit, b/c axe is the one who's positioned His benefit as taylor's cost, my god, how could taylor have refused compromise that is axe's advantage and accepted the incompatibility of mutual benefit / absence of reciprocity and so Not factored in what axe would want, as if that's their eternal responsibility No Matter What? handshake.) anyways and also how there could be that matter of projection like, i know ppl Could see me as weird & off in an undeserving cringe unworthy way, like they do winston, so i have to see myself as entirely different from winston, and if i argue on his behalf then might undermine my "proving" i'm deserving/worthy through various avenues of perceived/measured success. if you have the status to be able to Other someone, you have the status to not deserve what they do (negative), or simply be made Vulnerable by having to question whether anything you do could be hypothetically deemed cringe or wrong or undignified or inadequate, etc etc....again forgetting where i encountered someone positing like Cringe Comedy as Painful as being too potentially relatable, like, the "secondhand embarrassment" like recognizing how the experience could be Yours & that would suck, yet this is inherent sympathy w/the cringe person lmao. and me thinking about like boo to comedy (and horror, other side of the coin) with the Normal important characters who are Above It All, vs all the zany side character Others who just won't be normal enough to stop deserving being the butt of jokes (or horror where well idk those people can die. not our epic survivor protags though). like excuse me comedy (or horror) is a perspective of knowing Things Happen To You, You Yourself, and the absurdity / dissonance in things not happening as they "should,"

i.e. you can't & don't just [well simply make all the correct choices? be generally deserving?] your way into things working out for you. that you know you aren't the one perfectly sympathetic and always righteous person in the world, and can laugh at yourself and be laughed at (with comedy as This perspective, not as yet another compounding of usual power imbalances b/w people that transforms / explores nothing, b/c it's just going "haha those other lesser ppl are so dumb & have it coming. anyways." not ppl laughing at you as the butt of the joke b/c things are only funny when taking a hit doled out by life is a logical, deserved punishment). why have the Normal characters who can helpfully recognize "well that's comedic b/c wadda hell" and be too sympathetic to be so weird & inferior as to be laughed at. seeing myself more in the funny little unserious weird side characters as a queer nd abused kid, and even now like, that the best [well that Is relatable] material tends to not put such relevant experiences as Directly, Textually under focus, but there's resonance & perhaps fleeting / one or two degrees removed gestures to / glimpse of such experiences, and what interacting w/that person as someone Removed from that situation is like, including that the audience does not get to be privy to it directly either. and that it can be like, insert vine audio they ask you how you are & you just have to say that you're fine but you're not fine (insert autistic masking cheat code about the How Are You ritual. if you clip through the wall you can skip the interaction w/o penalty) like, people will act Normal And Fine b/c they're supposed to! probably all the more insistently if they know they're on thin ice w/that! but actually you can just Tell when ppl have Real(tm) Problems worthy of real sympathy, you Do always know what someone's going through, you Can't have always been unknowingly encountering trans ppl all the time all your life, you Would know if someone you talked to for 5 seconds ever was autistic. i'm relating to the unfathomable "wow why's this person Just Being Difficult i guess, instead of simply only ever acting how i'm happy with? a pain. shruggg" i'm relating to the undignified elevated chaotic life'd characters b/c like hell yeah when you're not having experiences deservingly goodnormal enough to be a generally relatable less weird character than that. occasionally i'm relating to the people who are oddly cagey but still focused on until someone figures out they're going tf through it even when they didn't just infer that as why they might be oddly cagey in the first place, which doesn't come up that much really, b/c also it's easier when ppl are just more open about what's going on b/c they aren't That isolated or Abnormal and won't just be deemed like whoa the weirdo overshares ig, just another way they're a freak, b/c it's only sympathetic & serious if someone already judged worthy was talking about it, as is allowed, b/c what they say is Worthy too. i'm really surely most aligned w/this side character assessed as timid & bland & surely never talking b/c they have nothing going on to even express, who nevertheless actually is vivacious & elevated & boldly independent, it just doesn't tend to Manifest Externally as presumed it would, while their external traits are wrongly interpreted to infer [things about them that are completely untrue] and which are considered somewhat contemptible. like hell yeah i'm the contempted Weirdly quiet / withdrawn person which people Do apparently presume must be because you have nothing thought or felt that could motivate you to express it, and then i manifest [my actual personality / Being Myself more unhindered; even though ways you act in reaction to significant/extensive experiences Are part of your actual personality & being yourself as well. cue the active effort sometimes in ppl figuring out how they act when they Don't mask] and that is in turn generally deemed Too Much but at least i have fun. shoutout to winston still just like, being present and talking. go off

that is to say, winston and taylor should try kissing about it, and i should try wrapping this up lol. have to acknowledge as well like, acting je ne sais quoi / Interpretation as once again crucial to this character (winston) existing at all. actor will roland being aware nd people exist and needn't be interpreted as Always Others / too [inaccuracy abt autistic ppl] to [be this character], see: bmc & the applicability re: jeremy, the similarities re: jeremy & winston & "it's organic aba" and [that applies all over the place when it's like, well other people just need to learn & choose to be better, and if some of them can't, oh well, not my fault, no big deal, nothing to be done: which all justifies Whatever's Already Happening that absolutely doesn't need to change um it's everyone else who needs to change]....that also, despite the [clapping and cheering whenever one can note/observe some Acting Choice for winston that probably nobody told him to put in, in addition to that general permeating Performance (insert michael greif talking abt will's skillset can land a whole lot of things while creating a completely realistic believable sophisticated complicated character and he can refine define and illuminate a point)], it's still like, not just some Extra bonus thing added in the background to at least bother to show winston's reactions when any & everyone around him shits on him, b/c you do At Least have to like, devote a seperate Shot to that, and then edit it in, or they Do when it isn't in fact just happening out of focus off to the side as the scene continues w/o any attention called to it. not that this isn't again perhaps just in those bounds of Having It Both Ways like "welllllll yeah sucks for him & ppl are being mean. but also in normal ways & it's nbd Really" like, not like we've ever seen winston's constant torment resulting in consequences anyone else has to deal with. really my grandest [idk. it's feasible] is there's just this gradual shift no attention is drawn to where winston seeks out / prefers talking w/tuk, and/or stops trying to actively appeal to / expect anything good from interactions w/rian lol, could go completely downhill at any moment. but ofc, s/o to how it could be Having It Both Ways like, winston and tuk, funny little guys, are friends, buuut also it Is cringe for either of them to not be getting organic aba from any exchange, & since ppl are rooting for tuk to become a winner, it's uh aggressive and wrong of winston to deprive tuk of that or even contradict it, like, god knows you don't tell someone they Are good enough / deserving now, you tell them they absolutely are not and if they don't wise up and look smart and act right they never will be

what could we end on but thinking about how winston is here for Taylor despite having experienced manifold disappointments from the start. and how he does want to kiss them so bad even if it's as [as yet not allowed] as anyone having a conversation that matters w/winston. and taylor comfortably giving winston that pat on the back. and winston and taylor's [one on one nonverbal cues / exchanges that are always successful in covertly being one on one And successful in being understood]. thinking about Winston Billions (autistic Character) and winston & taylor parallels & similarities and taylor being like "well, this is simply my funny little guy" and my being like right on and [same] to him so much it was like this surprise meta immersive/interactive experience watching those first season three clips that existed when we discovered it and The Dynamic / Acting / Characters. mafee being like "wow taylor why are you acting this way. so cold" in season four while winston, who we never saw obtaining info abt the arc at all, is like "um. b/c of they way they're feeling, duh" which is also like thrown into yet sharper relief when s6 has mafee crashing around like "wow taylor nofeelings mason huh. so cold" like get it together. unsurprising if you unknowingly write an autistic character and are like "idk, we just can't fully treat this person the same way others are....just Has to be a bit worse....and we don't have to question it much or at all maybe, i mean who even would think anything's off / wrong here" like yep just recreating ppl's interpretation of irl ppl they didn't Know were autistic either lol. ofc i'd be the butt of jokes tertiary unimportant rando largely off to the side & dismissed when it's time for anything that matters / is cared about after sharing some zany detail about my cringe life or feelings or personality or whatever, all If i go full tilt spontaneous / less filtered even, instead of silently being an extra who is written off to show the stakes for other characters or something lmao. shoutout to that tmc extra who looked over at winston in the season four finale like =) and shoutout to that also involving taylor looking over at winston like =) after he calls them baby. kiss about it why don't you

anyways the inevitable tl;dr, tayston. read it again [everything else i said]. winston billions autistic character

#winston billions #tayston #long post xoxo

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clown-college-honor-roll · 8 months

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(tone: not mad, just trying to share info on npd) all disorders are diagnosed based on the negative effect to the person with it, not negative effects to others that may have been caused by the disorder. npd is a disorder characterised by a dysregulation of self worth, creating difficulty processing your relationships with others without comparing them to yourself, needing external validation, etc. if your abuser doesn’t have this struggle he’s not a narcissist, he’s a shitty self-centered person who refuses to recognise his actions for completely neurotypical reasons. there is no aspect of ‘narcissistic abuse’ that can’t be done by a non-npd person and can’t be more accurately described with other abuse terminology. i understand a lot of people who say ‘narcissistic abuse’ do so because it makes their experience with abuse feel more seen, but what does ‘my abuser is like this because of a disorder he can’t help’ actually accomplish? if you understand ppl with npd can be good and kind to others then surely you can understand that behaviour choices aren’t directly controlled by disorders so you shouldn’t ascribe your abuse to npd instead of the choice to do bad things?

He does have extreme self image issues that have ruined every relationship he has ever had due to both excessive comparison and the compulsion to lower them to his level of inadequacy through emotional and physical abuse.

He is abusive because he literally can't recognize he is doing harm, can't understand why people leave him for hurting them, and can't control his jealousy when someone around him is doing well because it consumes his every waking thought. AND REFUSES TO GET HELP FOR HOW HE FEELS AND ACTS

He is psychologically incapable of recognizing that the harmful things he does are what make people leave him and forces that blame onto everyone around him, EXCEPT himself because confronting that would break his brain.

AGAIN, I will state that the abuse perpetuated by someone INCAPABLE of experiencing remorse outside of what would bring him the most positive attention when faked, IS DIFFERENT from the abuse from someone who can reflect on their actions without outside pressure.

Neurotypical abusers are able to recognize and confront what they have done and why, WITHOUT external pressure. Narcissistic abusers cannot.

Can anyone of any neurotype be abusive? of course! Can common traits of abusers with a certain neurotype be examined and recognized as specific to abusers of that neurotype? YES!

The reason that Narcissistic Abuse is a term is because:

1. What you had said, that it helps abuse survivors better describe and recognize their experiences.

2. Because the abusers who have NPD have very recognizable similarities, methods of abuse, and justifications for their actions that are UNIQUE to them.

The label accomplishes giving the survivor of abuse closure and understanding. The purpose of it isn't to use against the abuser, it's to help describe the experiences of the abused to help us feel seen. It isn't for the abuser.

If you hear someone talking about their traumas and feel attacked because the abuser had a similar trait to you, it isn't about you, let it go. It feels like a, "not all men" type jab. If you don't want to accept that people who have similar behaviors may share similar traits, that isn't my problem. You're always free to block me if it bothers you.

#ask #anon ask #dni explanation #dni #just block me its ok #abuse survivor #felix txt.#cw abuse #cw abuse mention #abuse mention

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savnofilter · 1 year

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i know it's been years since the bnha drama you had to go through in 2020, but i wanted to say that i've thought about really it for years and years and i was on your side for when it happened. i still remain on your side, and i hope you were given proper apologies from yk who and their defenders. you most likely never want to think about it again, but i hope you know that what you did mattered. i think about it really from time to time remembering how the internet was so eager to go against a bunch of teens and how cruel it was really at the time. i know you endured a lot of hate for it, and i hope you're doing better now!

let's be real here, aint nun of them ever apologized to me and never will. it's pretty evident how past the few troll hate asks i got recently, everything is 100% lbh and them and it's not made up cuz apparently mfs think i send hate to myself LOL.

atp idc cuz everyone else ive ever had a problem with that werent part of their circle or used to be, ive actually amended and made up with. but thank you for this, it def doesnt effect me like it did back in the day (idky i aged myself like that). i definitely am better now! mentally, emotionally (i think; im stunted there if we're being quite honest) and overall i love life. i love everything in it like im just chilling... if anything that whole thing made me realize that i was limiting myself being on here 24/7 and straining myself worrying ab shit that didnt need to be worried ab.

so even if i took the L and there are so many fake fuckass niggas on this site (or left) who said they know ab whats happened but still fuck with nonces they can go die like the rest of them. 🖕🏽 it's truly disappointing how cowardly most are to refuse the idea of not supporting someone simply bc they wanna read degenerate bakugo fanfic. i would be lying if i wasnt honest on how hurt i really was when ppl also lied on my name saying i did shit i never did or the fact that no shade no tea, anonie, getting asks like this and then crickets publicly. and to that if there are more recent victims or ppl effected by her and her friends actions you deserve it!!!! lol.

im apathetically bitter but im just glad i can finally talk my shit on my blog LOL. i used to be so scared of talking ab what was really going on, walking on eggshells bc i still wanted to be seen as just funny little Sav who makes borderline crack fics. i am not one to sub a bitch, imma call you out your name but yk who tf im talking ab!! it feels good to be free to speak ab what i want, not feeling pressured to conform to ideologies i dont agree with (proship, dark content, politics etc etc). so tbh im very happy with the outcome. bc at the end of the day i know i spoke nothing but the truth and even with no support i can sleep at night knowing i got no skeletons in my closet. i own to the things i do, i will admit when im wrong and i love to grow as a person. i speak my truth and dont need everyone to agree with it or debate me. 🤷🏽‍♀️

also yall choose your friends wisely. use your intuition. dont ignore that gut feeling and dont fw ppl yk do shitty things. you will get caught up in it, and thats past tumblr cesspool drama advice. it's very tempting to be that bad person. it's tempting to do whatever you want but everything has a consequence.. everything you put out, you receive back.

n ik im not mf saint either bitch ☠️ cuz i made a choice at 14 y.o joining this site, i was either gonna be some wholesome pushover or a bitch. i took the latter, did the time and now ive learned that i dont need to be rude or a bully in order to be assertive. that having respect for yourselves and others doesnt mean to be unnecessarily mean to mfs who DONT deserve it. everything just feels like a life lesson tbvh. im gonna keep arguing with niggas online cuz i eat everyone up even when im outnumbered. 🥴 but to everyone who genuinely deserves an apology from me has received it and likewise. and that's all i can ask for.

tldr; ive learned a lot, that time was very sucky but we up. 🤪🤳🏽

p.s shoutout to ms gworl @/mci bc she kept me in check and helped me a lot. no bum on this site will ever compare to her at all. oh yeah and i will talk ab the callout any chance i get so neva tell me to let it go!! <3

#ofc i got my other moots like cyn and peach #it was an adjustment to stay to myself but im having much more fun now so 🤷🏽‍♀️#so much better not having to perform #meet ppl interaction quotas etc #ive made peace truly #cuz soon enough i realized most ppl i argue w/online are just yt musty lewsers saur #this is my safe haven if you will; a spam page #i should post soon lol #sav's anons #d dabbles

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sl33pyperson · 2 years

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threats on the table: solas (ofc, hes the name of the game), venatori (gotten stronger in power after inquisition apparently? ive frantically been reading wiki pages), red lyrium templars (meredith wants to Wipe Out tevinter.)

this rant got kinda long and im just spitballing so

super scared we’re gonna get the venatori/tevinter vs templars plot treated really similar to the general mage n templar war, “wow inquisitor you chose One Option and now its over congrats! dont think about the consequences or ripple effect of any of these actions it doesnt matter! you just have a different skin on your soldiers!“

solas taking the red templars and using them to cause general chaos? yeah? hes used the venatori for his own means before?? i might just be misremembering what solas actually wants, but tldr its tearing down the veil to bring back old days where spirits n magic was everywhere? red templars seem P Bad for that plan then

WAIT THE BOOKS ARE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT IM JUST. GONNA COPY PASTE ALOT OF THINGS FROM THE WIKI

“The Carta assassin says that Solas wants the lyrium idol, retrieved from Meredith's statue thanks to a potion” “The Orlesian bard claims that he saw Solas retrieve the idol from an auction house“ “Their stories indicate that Solas has already started the ritual he intends to use to restore the elven empire, that it involves and has already started to affect the Fade, and that it requires the lyrium idol.“ theres another book where a venatori danarius has stolen the idol from something but the wiki says thats probably Before The Dread Wolf Take You

solas is literally using red lyrium to break down the veil!!!!! having meredith and her soliders everywhere would be so useful as conductors for whatever the fuck he wants to do???

screaming crying but its also the taint!!!! if theres another fucking archdemon im going to die!!!! but the wardens literally wanted to prematurely bring along the rest of the “blights“ by killing the sleeping archdemons so aoudhssdafiuhdf

bring along the world you destroyed previously by destroying the current world!!! fucking THANKS solas!!!!!

i got so fucking. distracted by solas i forgot the main bit of why i started this.

Who You Choose As Divine Is Really Important For How Many Templars There Are

also considering that REALLY good post going around about “why tf did divine justinia even make the inquistion in the first place“ “so she could destroy the mages and have the seekers as better templars but everywhere“

LELIANA: destroys circles as a whole, templars would still be around as a form of “security“ and shitty cop sbc i really doubt the chantries everywhere would give them up. theres still demons and possessions and ppl dont let go of the old ways. CONSIDER!!!! you can literally kill leliana in dao. she could be a spirit. shes also in the absolution mission scenes (still think she would do that even as divine but whatever) i really fucking doubt they would choose leliana as biowares canon, bc they hate mages, u can kill her, circles in nevarra are still mentioned in absolution.

CASS: reinvents a new form of circle and templar order. templars still around. she is STILL working for the inquisition tho, so like, i really doubt shes the canon one purely bc of absolution. if they didnt show cass giving those orders i would be less hard about this.

VIVIENNE: hardens up both circles and templars in the old way. oh my god. so many templars everywhere i bet, i forgot specifics its been a really long time but like. it seems like most likely at this point. vivienne is around no matter what, she doesnt care for the inquisition, shes the most “Eh, doesnt matter that much to other character choices“ one around

tldr oh my god if the red templars are actually able to go and infect other templars, and if vivienne is divine, they’re gonna have a huge fucking army and that makes them scary!!! i also hope who is divine changes the number or the tactics of the red templar army in game. but its bioware so prob not alas

#speaking time #absolution spoilers #kinda maybe whenever i mention the templars i feel i have to tag it

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concentriccookies · 3 years

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ok so like, full disclosure, it’s not the majority of people who do this.

but it’s enough that i feel like

i must correct this, I must impart knowledge. I mean I get it, we’re not taught the fiber arts as a society, how are ppl suppose to know right?

Enter my shitty powerpoint. (that i actually really meticulously put together and even did research for)

Edit: I’ve added image description for this cross stitch vs. needle painting powerpoint under the read more.

Slide 1: On the left is a needle painting of plants and a human skull with screen shotted tags for “cross stitch” all over it increasing in size. A small skull doodle at the bottom says “I’m not tho”

One the right the text reads “Cross stitch, what is it? (it’s not this) A power point by concentricccokies. Not to shame but to enlighten. I just wanna bring a deeper understanding of (specific) fiber arts to the world. Pls join me, or don’t I’m not your dad.”

Slide 2: Text reads: “Cross stitch is: done on even weave gridded fabric. Two crossed stitches over the same area. Counted, oft from a gridded pattern. Kinda like pixel art, teeny squares to make up a larger image.”

Images show two examples of cross stitch taken from creative commons, Will Smith meme of him gesturing with his whole body points to them. They show the basic stitch and pattern of the type of gridded look cross stitch. One is more traditional patterning and one is of Space Invaders from Atari, highlighting how perfect cross stitch is to translate pixel art.

Text around the art reads “it’s also very cool and valid. Like look at this! The patterns u can achieve! & RIP to all the pixel landscape crosstitch i couldnt include cause it wasnt in the creative commons”

Slide 3: Text reads: “What cross stitch isn’t. Any freehand embroidery. I was going to do a breakdown of all the different styles of (freehand) embroidery but there are literally too many. Anyways here are examples of Needle Painting. Threads flow free over the fabric to create a realistic effect.”

The top image is a close up of an apple needle painting with text overtop that reads “These stitches do not care what the fabric is doing. Rebellious, Unrully. Defiant. Ungovernable.” (the stitches actually are all running along side each other very neatly to mimic the curve of an apple.)

The bottom image is of yellowed & browning fall milkweed leaves over a fabric that has a very oddly textured weave or knit. text beside it reads “U can have weird fabric choices. Do I know what this weave/knit is? No. Does it hold a stitch? Yes. Beaut.” (both images are taken from my own work)

Slide 4: Text reads: “In Conclusion. All cross stitch is embroidery BUT not all embroidery is cross stitch.”

There is a diagram in the middle of the slide with the word “embroidery” big and bold in the middle and radiating out from around it a whole bunch of different embroidery styles are listed. They are as follows: Zardozi, Mountmellic, Crewel work, Ayrshire work, Sashiko, Needle point, Chikankari, needle painting, cross stitch, Berlin work, Punch needle, Stump work, patchwork embroidery, Chinese silk (Xiu) embroidery, Kogan.

small text at the top reads: “There are literally too many styles to list. U guys this is only a handful.”

The powerpoint ends with “Thank you for coming to my ted talk.”

#ty for coming to my ted talk #cross stitch #needle painting #embroidery #power point #pls dont shame people for not knowing or using the wrong terms #even in ur tags #we all dont know things until we learn u know

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letstalkaboutfandomsbaby · 3 years

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Girl idk if uk but professor cal is super problematic (I'm not saying this in a mean way or trying to call u out or something)

But like he left the internet for a reason

I appreciate you coming to me with this and i mean this in the nicest way possible: i do not believe that leaving the internet is an admission of guilt. I think Cal made a lot of bad choices that resulted in people being hurt, but i personally do not think he is a morally corrupt person who should be shamed for his mistakes. I feel this way bc i did something similar (i made a bunch of horrible decisions on twitter, ppl called me out for it, i made a little statement and abandoned my twitter) and since i have grown and learned from my bad decisions, i believe Cal can do the same. He fucked up, he apologized, he left the internet so he wouldn't bother anybody anymore. I believe someone made abuse allegations against him but there wasnt any substantial evidence to back up those claims so im not going to put any weight to them.

Basically, i dont think Cal left the internet bc he's a shitty person who was run off of his platform. I think he was in an extremely unfamiliar situation and didn't know what the right choices would be, and he ended up making bad choices as a result. I think he should be allowed to learn from those past mistakes and grow as a person bc we should all have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and move past them. Idk if he's actually done that or not bc he's not telling the universe what he's doing, but i hope that he is learning from his mistakes not just for others but for his own sake.

I dont see any problem consuming his content when he is no longer benefitting from my actions. Maybe that makes me a bad person, idk. It honestly doesn't matter what i do bc my actions have no effect on Cal or others, yk? I'm just sitting in bed and bein horny sksksk

#ask #i hope this doesnt come off as rude #that's not my intention at all #i just have a lot of feelings about stuff like this bc i have also made horrible mistakes and hurt ppl #and ik i cant fix what ive done in the past #but i CAN learn from my mistakes and do better in the future #i hope that Cal is doing the same but tbh I'll never know

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helly-watermelonsmellinfellon · 4 years

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Coolest shit. On the hospital map. It’s a Pyramid Head with shitty aim tbh. I stun him with the pallet near the office, blind him with a Flashlight, and the legit slow-vault the window next to the pallet and use Balanced Landing when falling into the Basement, to make a silent af getaway.(Balanced Landing lessens your stagger when landing, makes you NOT grunt when landing, and gives you a quick burst of speed for running away.)

Got a slugging Wraith after the last Gen popped. Someone already mostly opened a door. I was the first downed near an unopened door. I start recovering because I have Unbreakable. I get up and open the door. This makes him come toward me while the other three are left by the other door which is almost open! I’m distracting the Wraith in the doorway when the other 3 all Unbreakable themselves off the ground at the same time! They were probably swf. We didn’t even get to leave cuz the Killer rage-quit! XD

Had my first shit-ranked match in 2 weeks. Me: Rank 4 Killer: Rank 12 Everyone Else: Rank 20. We only got 2 Gens done before the other three got pwned terribly. And I was like, ‘wouldn’t it be nice if the Hatch spawned in that one corner of the map?’, and I went there, and the Hatch was there! I Escaped!

Got the same Michael 2 matches in a row. He was attempting the Tombstone BS but couldn’t find 2 of us in the first game and the Gens got done too quickly so he rage-quit. 20 minutes later I get into another game and it was him, again, trying the same shit again, and he rage-quit again, because the Gens got done so fast. We powered through Gens despite being Injured and finished #3 and #4 within seconds of each other from different sides of the map. He rage-quit.

Me: *loads into a lobby with a Key already equipped and am ready to be tunneled because of it* Me: *does 2 Gens by myself, does 1 Gen with another person, rescues every other person once, heals every other person once, breaks all 5 Totems, & somehow manages to not be seen by the Killer all match even while hunting ppl down to bring them to the Hatch so we could all leave* Killer: Coward! u did nothing all match! u survivor mains r bad!! Keys need 2 b banned! Me: Big words from some1 with 13K pts less than my 29,394 pts. BTW, I had the most points out of everyone.

Faced a Clown with an Ebony Mori and the fucking bottles that Expose you if you get hit with them. I was a Blendette. He hit me with several bottles before he got a hit in, and the Exposed effect ran out so I was only Injured instead of downed. I ran a distance, saw a running Dwight, and stopped running so his scratch marks would be mistaken for my scratch marks. I then slowly crouched back the way I came, under the Clown’s nose and he didn’t know! Got Healed. Lost him in another Chase. It was funny. We all died but we did get 3 Gens done even with Overcharge and someone always being Hooked. Turned out he was a Twitch streamer doing his last Killer Challenge which was a 4K by any means necessary. The whole match was just him going ‘I want to Hook the Claudette!’ He’d Hooked Feng Min in the Basement and I had followed behind him the entire time. He wasn’t even out of the shack when I saved her and he’s like, ‘wtf, that was so fast, did somebody just follow me down there? I saw no scratch marks!’ And then she runs out and takes a Hit with Borrowed Time, and I Sprint Out and drop shack pallet to avoid getting downed after getting hit with a bottle. This was the first Chase we had and it’s what made him want to Kill me so bad! ‘Of course it’s a fucking Blendette! God dammit!’ XD

So I’m on Midwich and there’s this Gen in this long room on the bottom floor and I was hidden perfectly so when the Huntress came in, she only saw the Meg. I stopped working on it when Meg ran, so the Killer wouldn’t be notified of my presence. Meg proceeded to run her around that one room alone, ducking under Hatchets and never throwing the pallet down. So I decided to Gen-tap. Basically quickly hitting R2(Toolbox) over and over because there are no sounds beyond the loud cylinders moving. Usually you’d hear the mechanical parts cranking and turning but Gen-tapping eliminates that bit so I Gen-tapped while Meg ran the Killer around, and finished the Gen right in front of the Killer. She stopped what she was doing, turned to look at the Gen where I was still hidden because of how it was situated near the wall, and then rage-quit! XD

Got a Challenge to get 10 Great Skill Checks and decided to use This Is Not Happening which widens the Great Skill Check Zone by 30%. But you have to be injured to use it, so I used No Mither cuz I didn’t want to find the Killer just to get hurt. I Escaped with 19K pts, which was more than the Killer. It was a Twitch streamer using Ghost Face. Got to his stream in time to hear him question why I was using This Is Not Happening instead of Resilience. Sent him a “GG” and a Follow and he asked if I was the No Mither player. Told him about the Challenge I was doing and why I made those Perk choices and he told me it was smart considering the the details and adding Iron Will to No Mither(cuz it only lessens your pained cries by 50%) was genius since I was dead quiet and he only found me once all match! ^-^

I have a little spot I like to hide in on the Nurse and Clown maps. Sometimes Totems spawn in them. The fallen debris hides Claudette perfectly so I went to check for a Totem since another Claudette took the one I wanted earlier, and got glitched into a hole! I was there long enough to waste 5 Sprint Bursts trying to get out! And since it causes Exhaustion for 40 seconds, I was stuck for 3 ½ minutes! Freddy found me after hearing the crows I collected, took pity upon me, and downed me to get me out. He then let me wiggle off, so I gave him my Toolbox as thanks and he even refused to Hook me when I pointed to a Hook. Nice guy. Gave him a thumbs up. :) Gween Tea, wherever you at, TY.

youtube

#stuff #dead by daylight #dbd

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kabutone · 4 years

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(yelling through megaphone) i am still mad!!!!

listen!!!! LISTEN!! life is about being kind and i mean this with my fucking fists up!! love is RARE in this fucking world!! kindness is rare!! genuinely goodhearted people are the rarest!! that’s why i love so fucking strong!!!!! i am NOT weak for loving my friends with all my heart, i am the strongest bitch there ever was!! you’ve got EVERYTHING to lose when you love people!! i put myself out there and risk getting hurt bc if i can give someone love i fucking will!! this is a miserable world! this is an awful, shitty, miserable world!! and living in this world is so fucking hard!! but if i can make it easier on people i will!

it is DAMN near impossible to find a legitimately safe, loving space, i KNOW it’s hard i KNOW the world is cruel, so i am PURPOSEFULLY MAKING GOOD SPACES!! and i am PROUD OF THAT!! i’ve been hurt so many FUCKING times in my life and i DECIDED, i made the CHOICE to not add to that!!!! bitch!!!!!!!!

i do my damndest hardest to make friendships with me a safe and comforting space!!! i will listen to all ur thoughts and i will love u through all ur ups and downs bc if nobody else will give that to you i fucking will motherfucker!!!!!! you DESERVE to be loved and treasured, all i ask is for that same energy back!!!! and sometimes!!! sometimes i get fucking mad at myself for being so nice to people bc SOMETIMES it will get me fucked over!! being nice to my OWN goddamn brother got me fucked over!! but i have found some good fucking people and if i didn't put myself out there i would have never found them so i do not regret anything!!!!!

*grabs you* listen to me. listen to me. hate is EVERYWHERE. go anywhere in the world you will see hatred. EVERYONE is in pain!!!! everyone is in pain in some way!!!! so rather than causing everyone more pain, why not try to change that!!! thats what i think!!!!

you exist in this world!!! whether you like it or not, you exist!!!! and everything you do will have a reaction, everything has an effect on SOMETHING!! and if you go around hurting people, there’s a chance that they will start hurting people too and it’ll just keep fucking going!!

don’t you wish you were never hurt??? think of all the times someone has hurt you. don’t you wish that never fucking happened??? it would happen a LOT LESS if people just weren’t assholes to each other all the time!! if we had a better, kinder world, people wouldn’t get hurt as much!!!! so you need to MAKE it a better, kinder world thats what im TRYING TO DO!!!! and ppl really have the audacity to think that i am Weak for doing that???? i’m doing more than they ever will if they keep being negative shitholes!!!

being loving and kind and NOT letting the world make you bitter and dull is the HARDEST fucking thing and i am so fucking mad that anyone ever made me feel shitty about that!!!!! i am so fucking awesome and cool and amazing and overall just a good fuckin person bc i am TRYING to be!!!! ok !!! listen to me!!!! i’m proud of this about me and i fucking deserve to be!!! i deserve this happiness and i deserve the love i get too and i do NOT deserve to get fucking hurt anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you are not loving your friends and family with EVERYTHING youve fucking got then what the FUCK are you doing!!!!!!!!! GOD

#do NOT get it twisted i am STILL evil and fucked up

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fuckblizzardbearlover · 4 years

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Ok so reasons why i Love Warcraft the Beginning, and why its perfect and i hope for more. Might be a little incorherant cus i'm just doing my thoughts as they come. i dont have the time to spend hours writing articles i'm not being payed for.

Yes Warcraft is a great, i say Perfect movie. "But it has flaws". Everything does. That perfect movie you love so much? someone found it boring, someone found it pretentious , someone found it stupid. Perfect pizza? someone doesnt like your toppings, someone thought there wasnt enough for it. A movie, a show, a book, art in general cannot be judged by an arbitrary list of items it must meet to sufficient quality. "no plotholes, great acting, good effects" are not good qualifiers. Most ppl dont know the meaning of plotholes, different tons of story require different acting (Casablanca is seen as a masterpiece but i dislike movies of that era because the acting is over the top, stiff, and campy. however that does not make them bad, it just means i dont like it). Really the only way a piece of art can be judged is by judging it based on what it TRIED to do. If your character is suppose to show they are angry in this scene and they just seem constipated then you did fail and that was bad acting. But if your character is suppose to be angry and some of the audience thinks they should have acted a different way, then thats just a difference of opinion between author and audience.

So what did Warcraft the Beginning TRY to do? Pay homage to the original franchise, tell a heartfelt complex story, give a larger than life epic, and reinterpret the story into something thats better than it was and can be accepted by a general audience

-So i love how much the art, style and themes embraced the franchise. The intro was PERFECT. The little cameos and everything were well done. For some weird reason a few thought that was cringe but part of good cameos is world building. They arent putting "this way to the stoutelager inn" so fans can go "i get that refrence" they are doing it to create a scene that involves a sign to an inn and might as well be a real one from the story, right? The franchise STARTED as Err orcs bad humans good but it has since evolved past that, and you saw that with the theme of the H and A heroes banding together against guldan. The armor and costumes were perfect, using the major flair of warcraft without being overly done. Llane's and Lothar's armor is perfect example.

some people have a problem with what i'd say was the "family friendly epic fantasy adventure" aspect of the movie. yes pacing was quick but when you go into a weird story you just suspend disbelief and take things as you go. They never explain how the Flashy Thingies in men in black work, they just do. you accept it and move. And there was some slightly heavy handed themes and moments. but thats what we call Camp. Its a fantasy adventure, you have snark, a few cheesy lines, hope vs darkness and all that good stuff. I remember when Wonder Woman came out an interviewer asked about the....hammy? ending. i think they used a different word. but the idea was that it seemed...bad? that the ending revolved around Wonder woman's faith in humanity, faith in goodness and trying to do good, was naieve. And Patty Jenkens said that she thinks the world needs more hope like that, not everything is doom and gloom and the point of a hero is to be hopeful.

A GOOD movie, a PERFECT movie doesnt need to be high art. Ppl talk about inception cus it was so intense but IMO if half the audience doesnt know whats happening then its not so good is it? and like i said So many "great perfect movies' in history are boring, or weird or unlikable to many people. And i think its a great detriment to the world that people got to act like only high art movies that win awards are any good.

And then there is the story and charactes. I loved Lothar and Llane, very relatable and good example of heroic men. The mirror between the father Lothar and Durotan was great. I loved how well they did the orcs, just everything about them. Like their meeting and having it so that you could only understand the side you were listening from, if you listen when its focused on the orcs and Garona is translating you can hear Llane speaking something that is NOT english. But like even with the kinder orcs they kept the furiosity. Durotan makes it clear that their world is dead and they cannot simply go back, and thats very realisitc. even were it not for guldan if he was fighting to save his people he'd willingly fight the humans if they tried to stop them. It was great seeing them touch on the idea of the fel infused orcs with Medivh's ability to create spells that specifically target them. Oh and geeze his whole arch. the actor and directing i think did a great job of showing him struggling to do as much as he could to help the alliance against the orcs. He seemed addled, like he was losing it or on drugs but you find out it is really because the fel is taking hold of him. thats what was great about the last guardian is the whole Inner monster storyline. Betrayal of one's self and all that. And it showed the variety in the orcs, yes you had dark ones who embraced the pillage too, and its a shame that the campfire scene "but you're...Green" scene didnt make it. Kadgar, did a good job with the whole "he's smart enough to notice when his 'betters' are wrong but he's young and inexperienced and doesnt know how to assert himself" was great. Its funny cus some didnt like he didnt age, but far as i can tell nothing in warcraft even addressed that. Like he mentions once or twice in the book and in click dialogue that it sucks losing his childhood but there is no angst about it. you wouldnt know he's only in his 40s now. Even his little cinematic before legion focused on him taking up the mantle of the guardian.

And then there are the improvements it made. Rise of the Horde was good but they didnt have time to have the 'non fel orcs being around fel turn slightly green', so it was a good choice to have that dynamic visual change. Lothar's son arc i think gave him more of a personal reason to be invested in this other than "defense of our nation". And it kinda sucks in the original narrative that stormwind just kinda got its butt kicked. I'm sure it will still fall but it will be nice to see more effort put into it. And goodness we actually got to see varian's mother? and she was an important part of the story? she was an interesting character and had influence and was crucial to getting garona on their side. Speaking of , Garona by herself is the best change and alone makes this movie better than the original. She is a product of love, the first human/orc couple, presumably when Medivh was first exploring Draenor. And not a tool created by rape? Its so great that this shitty aspect of the story generated from the naive creator's idea of womens place in stories, was rewritten. Oh i'd be the first to say it wasnt malicious. but between Kerrigan and Sylvannas and Garona, heck this attitude exists today. That a man's humanity comes from his family, that he is violent emotionless and a killer but a wife brings out his peace and children his humanity . so the worst thing that can happen to him is his family is killed, thus bringing the beast back. And that for a Woman she is defined by her love of the man, does she reject him or accept him, does she play hard to get or support him? how freely does she give herself to him. And thus the worst thing that can happen to a woman is to have her body violated, and what many guys who grew up in the 70s-90s fantasy era that was the go to story. Woman is violated (in body) and gets her revenge and feels empowered by killing her rapist. while the man is violated by those he LOVES being killed, and empowered by avenging them and finding a new family (or a way to honor the dead ones)

So yea its REALLy awesome that this story rejected that whole farse and said "no, the key behind saving both peoples is a young woman who exists because 2 people from different planets loved each other"

#decided to leave this hear to repost elsewhere when people are awake #warcraft #duncan Jones #warcraft the beginning #the world of warcraft

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