#you should recognize this one i just posted abt it the other day

[dailydegurechaff]

Today’s Daily Degurechaff is… Regular Tanya is on vacation day 3 - Mermaid AU

[dayasusays]

letting u know it took a month to write, edit and feel like a had to rewrite everything. i don’t usually write anything over 1k words, but here’s like 3.8k maybe… i hope you’ll enjoy it and it’s worth the time spend ! don’t forget abt feedback (comments especially) is very important <3

AND IT’S A REQ ACTUALLY i just forget to add it to the post :(

warnings ! — SMUT and ANGST, fem!vigilante!reader, blood and wounds mention, unrequited love, soft maledom, fingering, praise

summary ? — jason is not your friend, buddy, boyfriend or something.

౿ . . ` ౨ৎ ENJOY ‼️

of course it was an occupational hazard, jason thinks. of course he didn’t want to be around you so often, jason thinks. of course it annoyed him to see you too often after you’d patrolled together so many times, jason thinks. of course he didn’t like your smug, sweet face when you overtook him, jason thinks. of course his heart didn’t beat so hard every time he had to hold your hand when you almost fell off the roof, jason thinks. of course he finds you so annoying and smug that he wants to wipe that smile off your face, jason thinks.

he didn’t hate you, and you didn’t hate him. you’d say he's annoying and boring, but it’s fun to compete with him on things from who’s caught the most criminals to how many steps you get in a day. jason’d say you’re too smug, but seeing your face when you lose to him is very flattering. he’d say you know your stuff, and sometimes it’s nice to work with you. but only when you shut up.

he watches you at practice; he watches your every move and can’t help but sigh in admiration. todd watches you bite your lip every time you throw a punch and smiles contentedly. my god, one successful punch makes you feel so proud of yourself, and he catches himself thinking that he wants to push you against the wall and kiss you roughly just so you won’t be so cocky anymore. he wants to bite that lip, pull it back to put you in your place, and…

wait, what?

“you’re too close,” you whisper as he presses closer to you to hide deeper in the shadows of the alley, “move away.” “stop it,” jason mutters back, grabbing your hands and holding them in place.

you’re so annoying. he doesn’t wanna be this close to you either, he doesn’t wanna feel your breath on his skin either, he doesn’t wanna think about how pretty you are even in the dark. and you make it all the more difficult by twitching, pressing your breasts against his chest.

he looks down at you while you carefully avert your gaze. you’ve been working together for months, but it’s so embarrassing; todd chuckles briefly when he notices you lower your head and thinks about how you’ve finally stopped being so annoying, even for a second. even if that second is in the dark alley where you’ve ambushed someone, and when he’s so close to you that everything turns upside down inside.

“wanna go get something to eat after your patrol?” you look over your shoulder at jason, hearing an unintelligible mumble in response, “on the race. to the nearest diner,” you continue, already turning fully towards him with a tired smile on your lips as your stomach rumbles softly. todd has been acting weird lately. you’re not best friends and never have been, but you used to hang out a lot before; you’d eat together after patrols and often treat each other with the words that someone else should do it next time; he’d often let you leave early from patrols because you pretended to feel bad (he knew you were just tired); sometimes jason would even laugh at your jokes. but now you don’t even recognize him as… him. he became distant; the last time you ate together was a month ago. and you don’t care, of course. he’s a man with a personal life too, and you respected that. you two not even friends, you think.

“not tonight,” he mutters in a half tone, not even turning around to look at you, “maybe next week.” and that’s the fourth time he said it.

maybe you’re just worried about him as a coworker. he’s a vigilante just like you, and he’s not allowed to get his head in the clouds. but he doesn’t look like he’s distracted. he’s just avoiding talking to you.

when jason crashes through the window of your house, you have two questions: how does he know your address when you’ve never told him and he's never walked you home, and why all the blood that splatters on the floor as soon as he falls. and both questions go away when you realize that all that blood is his.

you’ve seen jason get hurt before, and you’ve seen it more than once, but it’s nothing compared to fixing him up on your own. he used to always give you directions when he couldn’t do it himself, and he always spoke loud and clear so that you wouldn’t panic too much, but listened to his voice; your hands were shaking as you bandaged him up while he kept whispering to you that you were doing the right thing. but now his voice was so weak you wanted to cry.

when he woke up the next morning on your couch, which he had soaked in his blood, he had two questions: why the hell did he go to you, if it was the last option, given that you were hardly a doctor, and what the hell should he do if he was in such a vulnerable position. it hurts to lift his arm, let alone stand up. and todd thinks…

his gaze falls on you: you’re lying on the floor, next to the couch, among his bloody suit and piles of bandages, and you’re asleep. his face unconsciously softens as he realizes that you’ve probably been sitting here all night, worrying about him and bandaging him up.

jason was even a little embarrassed; breaking into your apartment and ruining your whole evening (whole night) by making you worry. it’s almost childish, he thinks. he should have just gotten to the bat cave, he thinks.

“you okay?” you pull yourself up, sitting down by the couch and rubbing your eyes sleepily, “i only had time yesterday to wash your wounds and bandage you up, not sure that-“ “‘m fine,” todd mumbles back, letting a soft gaze fall on you, “thanks.”

it’s not the first time he’s thanked you, but a good feeling spills inside, making you blur into a smile.

it’s weird. seeing you twirling around jason while he tries to convince you that everything's okay feels weird.

“c’mon,” he mutters almost irritably, “i’m already fine. i just-…” “you’re staying,” you parry, frowning and folding your arms across your chest.

you hold out a bowl of hot soup to him and see the frown not leave his face. it’s almost funny — todd is sitting on the couch, frowning and looking up at you, just as stubborn.

it’s weird being together with you for so long, considering how distant he’s been for the last month, but when you plop down next to him and turn on some comedy on the tv, all thoughts evaporate. jason turns to look at you and sees you smile when you realize you’ve managed to change his mind.

he thinks that maybe you’re right; he should stay at least a couple of days.

you find yourself on the floor next to the couch where jason is sitting, holding his bandaged side; he’s trying to tell you something, but you can barely hear anything as your eyes run over his figure and you don't know what to do. you distinctly feel panic rise to your throat and you can’t hear his voice anymore.

you get up on woozy legs, sit down next to him, and todd makes another attempt to get through to you; you blink as your brain tries to get you to do something.

jason reaches out a bloody palm, grabbing yours and pulling you closer.

“calm down,” todd says a little louder, “‘m not dying, it’s just-…” he swallows, catching his breath, “just opened wounds. stop the bleeding and bandage me up again.” his words begin to reach you and you reach for the bandages that are already soaked in his blood.

jason sighs heavily as you sit down (practically fall) on the couch next to him and try to relax.

“you alright?” todd turns his head toward you and sees the tears of tension pooling in the corners of your eyes. he doesn’t quite know what he's doing as he pulls you onto his lap.

jason wants to think that he’s just comforting you; the way you nuzzle your nose into his shoulder and murmur softly makes him wince. of course he’s in pain, ready to howl about how uncomfortable you’ve gotten on top of him, but he realizes that he’s been dreaming of this for the past six months-dreaming of feeling you so close that he can feel your heartbeat. “that’s alright,” todd mumbles, awkwardly stroking your hair, “‘m alright. c’mon,” he doesn’t notice the way he himself bumps his nose against the base of your neck and leaves a brief kiss there with his dry lips. it’s an accident, you think on the first kiss. he tries to get comfortable, you think on the second kiss. it feels good, you think on the third kiss and give in, pulling away from his shoulder and exposing more of your neck.

you feel his strong hands on your hips and move you closer; his thumb caresses the skin of your thighs, making you press your breasts closer to his as jason leaves another light kiss on your neck.

todd feels his head spinning as he hears your first moan.

gosh, he feels like a pubescent teenager next to you, because the way you’re pressed against him, your heartbeat and breathing quickening, is too much for him.

your palms gripping his strong shoulders, it’s too much; your open lips that beg to be kissed, it’s too much; your quiet sighs that turn into moans when he bites the skin on your neck, it’s too much; the way you breathe out his name, it’s too much.

he looks up at you, blinking slowly and muttering a quiet “should i stop?” as his palms lightly squeeze your thighs. and you realize you can’t get a word out of your mouth when jason is looking at you so lovingly. it seems like just a second before his pupils become hearts.

“keep going,” you whisper, lifting your head and leaving a brief kiss on his lips, “please.”

todd swallows hard and reaches forward to kiss you again; kissing you slowly and sensually, as if he’s afraid you might run away. but you cling to him, deepening the kiss and causing jason to moan low into your lips.

one of his palms slides up your thigh to your waist, reaching under your t-shirt and helping you pull it off over your head; a surprised sigh escapes his lips as he looks you over. “so pretty,” whispers todd as he continues to cover your neck with kisses. he pinches your nipple between his thumb and forefinger, and he hears your moan, which he intercepts with a kiss.

jason trails kisses down your chest, making sure to leave a kiss on the crevice between when you pull away and catch the uncomprehending look in your eyes.

“lemme just…” you stand up, pulling off your pajama pants, and almost immediately sit back down on his lap when you hear a quiet hiss, “did i hurt you? should i get up?” “a little closer,” todd points and wraps his palms around your waist. he helps you move closer, “yeah, there you go.”

he looks into your flushed face and tries to squeeze out a brief smile, but only succeeds in a ragged sigh, pulling you in for another kiss.

his fingers slip under your underwear, quickly finding your clit and pressing gently; you nuzzle your nose into jason’s shoulder again, wiggling your hips in search of more stimulation.

and now, as he inserts his fingers, you moan softly in his ear, biting the soft skin; it seems the way you clench around his fingers is unbearable, because it’s todd is ready to equate that feeling with a sense of satisfaction. he’s ready to moan at the way you feel against his fingers, because the way you're asking him to be faster is just unbearable.

todd looks up at you, and something inside is definitely turning, because you can't look at him like that. look with such desire, while continuing to whisper how well his fingers are stretching you; he just can’t, just fucking can’t, when you look this good. jason finds you so adorable in this moment, when you arch your eyebrows to the bridge of your nose and ask to be faster.

“you're teasing,” you mumble and flinch when he roughly presses his fingertips against the sensitive walls, “c’mon, please…” your hands reach for the waistband of his pants, but he intercepts your wrists faster. “lemme get you ready,” todd quietly parries, kissing your earlobe, “just a little more. m’kay?”

it takes you a couple minutes to start almost begging him to fuck you; the way he takes his time is torture. he just wants to do it right, the right way: with foreplay and tenderness, which doesn't seem to suit him at all. but the way jason soothes you with short kisses on your temple as he inserts the massive head of his cock says otherwise. he's so gentle that you practically melt as you relax into his lap.

“that’s it,” he murmurs, covering your eyes and digging his nails into the skin on your waist, “that’s it, baby.”

for a moment he thinks you’re lovers. he’s so gentle and unhurried, and you're so beautiful and desirable. he wishes you were lovers. that all his tenderness was justified by your beauty.

todd gently pushes deeper as his fingers play with your hair in a soothing gesture; you moan muffledly, squeezing his palm harder. “sorry,” jason responds and stops, “okay?” his voice sounds like he's genuinely worried, and it's almost awkward, “can i keep going?” you nod, snuggling closer to him and your breath hitches as he makes another thrust.

you shouldn’t enjoy it so much. enjoying his tenderness and good sex is wrong, unfair to jason, but in the moment it feels so good that you’re lost in him for the sensations as he’s lost in you for the feelings.

todd gives you half a minute to get used to it, and afterward he pushes in again and again, wrenching sobs from your lips. “so tight,” jason whispers, nestling into your shoulder and biting down lightly. his fingers find your clit again and make a few circular motions, making you clench around his cock, “that’s it. doin’ so well for me.”

his free palm gently squeezes your thigh as he quickens his pace a little; his lips find yours to first lube the corner of your lips before pulling you into a deep kiss. your thighs bump against his as you once again lift up and sit back down with a loud groan.

this is unbearable, jason thinks. holding you so close and fucking you so well, knowing you’re not his, unbearable.

but right now his head is all about you and how you feel around his cock, so he moans as he cums inside, feeling you cumming with him, relaxing in his arms.

you shift from foot to foot as you hand jason the bowl of soup, and he looks up at you and sighs as he takes it. accepting for the first time in a couple days, because you hadn't even talked before.

awkwardness. realizing you slept with someone you have (almost) nothing for is awkward; realizing you can’t be in the same room with him for longer than a couple minutes is awkward; realizing you’re the one who let him do it is awkward; realizing how unfair it is to him is awkward.

“look,” todd starts as you turn around and walk off in the direction of your bedroom, “wait-“ “i’m tired,” you turn back to him over your shoulder and smile weakly, “i’ll talk to you tomorrow. okay?”

and you didn’t know (actually secretly hoped) that jason wouldn’t be in your apartment that morning.

and then you’ve been lying awake for two days since jason left your apartment. it was so fucking awkward that you want to turn back time and not have sex with him, because you don’t even know what to say to him or how to take it. you wanna think that it was just a mistake and you both gave in to the moment, but the way todd looked at you won’t get out of your head. he looked at you like you were his whole world and he looked so in love that it makes your stomach twist to realize what you’re doing to him.

sometimes you wish you weren’t vigilante. and this is that moment, because you can’t just run away from jason. disappear from his life so it’s not awkward, block his number and just… walk away because it’s not fair to him.

it’s not fair to him, you think. you shouldn’t have done that, you think, and you come to the conclusion that things will sort themselves out and go back to the way they were. at least you want to think that the way he looked at you was just a dream, and that all his tenderness was because he’s just… that way.

although deep down you realize you don't know a damn thing about jason todd, who you spent that night with and worked with for so long. maybe know a little bit about red hood, but not about jason todd.

“wanna go out to eat?” jason tries to sound carefree, but he can clearly feel that tension and awkwardness between you after that night. and so he can’t help but catch himself thinking that he shouldn’t have done it. shouldn’t have comforted you, shouldn’t have given in to the moment, shouldn’t have kissed you like you were lovers, shouldn’t have fucked you so tenderly, shouldn’t have looked at you with all the damn love, shouldn’t have… your mumbling makes him distracted from his own thoughts.

“can't tonight,” you parry, turning to him and trying to force a smile, though somewhere in your stomach there’s an uncomfortable feeling of anxiety that you can’t control, “things. lots of things to do, actually.”

and todd just nods back, staring into the darkness of the alleys, into the burning streetlights, looking at the people passing by, looking anywhere but at you. he knows he can’t fix it, so he tries to at least just make contact so it's less awkward.

but you’re not stupid and he’s sure you know what that night meant. you know what his eyes and all that indescribable tenderness towards you meant and that's why you’re avoiding him now. avoiding him just like he avoided you. he didn’t say that stupid “i like you” thing (which would have made him feel like a lovesick teenager), but now jason thinks that’s where he should have started, even if he knows that this (possible) relationship wouldn’t end up being anything good as long as you’re both vigilantes.

it's a matter of time, jason thinks, and casts a glance at you. you nervously run your fingers over it.

and you’re starting to annoy him. really annoy him. you’ve been avoiding any conversation, avoiding any contact even after three weeks since the incident, and it’s so damn annoying.

you probably think that by doing this selfishly, you’re helping you both avoid this awkwardness, but what you don’t know is that jason can’t even sleep well without thinking about you and what he could have done to make things go back to the way they were before. todd thinks about how you should have just said no to him. said that damn “i don't feel anything for you” and he would have gotten over it and you would have worked together and he would have just… not feel like he did something wrong. you think about the fact that keeping out of his sight is helping, but he’s looking for you everywhere you can be.

he can’t even catch you at practice no matter when he comes in. on patrols, you keep such a distance that jason knows you won’t be heard, and yelling across the street to call for you is stupid and irrational.

so he gives you another week in the hope that things will go back to normal.

but when you keep avoiding him even after a week, all todd’s patience comes to naught. you act so childish, he has to catch you on patrol and make you talk to him.

“what the fuck is going on?” jason raises his voice a little, grabbing your arm and turning you to face him. the movement is sharp, but he doesn’t squeeze your arm too hard, so as not to hurt you. you see that pure frustration in his gaze as he looks at you, “you’ve been avoiding me for a month!” he stares into your eyes as if he can read your thoughts, and you try to look away again, “don't you fucking dare! answer my question!” “just-…” you stop talking, averting your gaze. it’s so embarrassing, you wanna run away. “what 'just'? can you tell me what’s going on?” todd steps forward, “if you’re going to say no to me, then say it straight out, not run from me for a month!” he yanks your arm, forcing you to pay attention to him.

it wasn’t supposed to end like this. in your head, it would take you a week to get over this awkwardness and work with jason again like you used to, but then you see him and it’s all over again with anxiety and awkwardness mixed with fear because you never planned on falling in love with him. so you kept avoiding him and the feeling that it was wrong kept growing.

“we're still… working together,” jason mumbles in a semitone, “don't make this any more awkward. just say no to me.” “sorry, i didn’t mean to,” you shift from foot to foot as he releases your hand, “coworkers, red?” you hold out yours to him and smile awkwardly. trying to smooth the moment over.

jason looks at you, at your palm, at you, at your palm… and turns around, shoves his hands in his pockets. just walks away, leaving you standing there. walks away with a broken heart and regret in the balance.

⁉️ m.lists | abt me | inbox 💌 (reqs are open)

[solargeist]

you made a post explaining him becoming a watcher.. can we hear about him running away, the relapse, etc, pretty pretty please? :>

with a cherry on top? lol!

hmmm !! It might not be as long as the other post, but...

The body horror of changing into an angel isn't the sole reason Grian wanted to leave the Watchers, there was a brief moment in time where he wondered if it'd be worth it, but wings are the first to grow, the rest take much longer as they're not as needed as wings are. Despite how much it hurt, he's pretty proud of his wings, and he enjoys flying.

He sticks around long enough to learn how to fly, he gets rly good at it, flinging himself down the halls followed by a strong breeze, flying up high in the air outside and then dropping, he gets confident in this. (hes like rainbow dash to me-)

Along with that, he studies Watcher magic, he learns Portal magic, which is being able to open portals without the help of obsidian or rituals. This can also be used in fights, see: opening a portal where a person's head is, or a tiny strip shooting from his fingers like bullets, (like lasers, but those bits of flesh end up somewhere.) but the part he focuses most on is opening portals to other servers. He's always supervised, they always visit servers with him--but usually close it without going through anyway. The Watchers are more precise with it, knowing exactly where they want to go, Grian only opens random ones.

Other reasons he wants to leave is, being treated like a child, the lack of control, the lack of autonomy. They control his sleep, his food, where he goes, what he does, even what he says. Along with studying and training, hes exhausted, the resentment builds over time, any nice moment is buried by bad ones. He trains with Flora, another Watcher, whose idea of training is to just release mobs after him, creatures he's never seen before, he's unsure if they shoot fire, poison, or explode. Being pinned against the ground by a creature with its teeth bared around his sword is a sight he doesn't forget. If Flora feels like he rly can't do it, she'll kill the creature herself. Grian doesn't forget how the blood and gore feels dumped on his face and body, nor the disappointed look on her face.

This all, along with knowing his friends have left him--and they're not going to save him, has him plotting, desperate to think of how to get out of the void. He can't just run away while on a Watcher job on a random server, they will find him.

He doesn't pick a date--theres no sun anyway, he doesn't know what days or weeks are anymore. Its one particular breakdown that makes him act, he has no full plan, but what he does have is explosives he's been collecting from servers over time and stashing under his bed. He doesn't pack anything, all he does is set the explosives off and runs. I haven't thought abt this particular part fully, it happens so quickly for him, if he makes eye contact with his mum on his way out, he doesn't hesitate to take to the skies, before he can lose his nerve.

Shooting out into the void, he doesn't have a plan, but he keeps flying as fast as he can before regret can catch up with him. He opens portals in front of himself and dives through as they shatter behind him, he doesn't know where hes going. He pops out in random parts of the void, different islands he doesn't recognize, he comes across servers torn apart by war or genuinely not safe enough to land, so he keeps going.

Grian doesn't know how long he's been flying, his sense of time is completely fried, but hes tired, he's never flown for so long before. He hops through another portal into another world, dark and quiet, but lights shining from large buildings scattered about, there must be a lot of players here so he thinks he should leave quickly, but before he can do that, his foot snags a tree top and throws him off balance, his attempt to catch himself only propels himself forward, crashing through branches and sliding across the dirt below. He doesn't know if it was the trees or the ground, but his left wing snaps, he doesn't know if he screamed or not, but he lays in the dirt writhing for awhile, muscles aching and emotions finally grasping at him, pulling him apart.

But ! Still not time to think abt all that rn, bc Xisuma finds him. Grian's first thought isn't that this is a player, all he can see under that helmet is eyes, and his first thought is Watchers--they found him immediately--and he screams this time, flipping over and putting his hands in front of himself for any fighting, he can't hear whatever Xisuma's saying over his own shouting, angrily stating he won't go back. He calms down after a moment when he sees Xisuma has stepped back, hands up to show he's friendly. Grian doesn't care though, hes sliding backwards on his hands, his wings twitch and he winces in pain. I think it takes a little bit of persuading, but after Xisuma explains himself, that hes an admin and this is his server and people, Grian calms down a bit, the exhaustion helps with this too. He ends up accepting Xisuma's help in bracing his wing. Taking him back to his base to do so, Grian would've ran again if he could've. They both agree that Grian will leave as soon as he can, but he is safe here to wait until then.

Back at his base, Xisuma makes them both tea and sits in front of Grian, telling him he has to explain himself. Grian doesn't touch his tea, and after a long pause, he gives the shortest story with the least amount of details possible. Xisuma knows what Watchers are already, so he does feel some sympathy for him.. He would feel concern abt the Watchers finding his server, but hes confident enough in his code. Grian stays that night, he hides under a bed and cries, still never drinking the tea, but he falls asleep.

UH fast forward fast forward Grian is invited to the server, and he does join as s6 starts, his wing still in bandages but doing much better now. He still hasn't met any players or heard much abt them. He's shocked to see Pearl, but also very happy--his sister !! his sister ?!?!?! She looks happy too, so he rushes forward and they hug, shes gotten so tall. He promises to tell her what happened later, but he still leaves out a lot of details.

This is getting long again fast forward fast forward again

The relapsing happens throughout s6, Grian overworks himself, insecure and nervous in his building ability--it almost feels like Evo again, wishing he could do better, scared to disappoint Xisuma and be kicked out for not being worth the trouble.

Grian's gotten rly close with his neighbour Mumbo, he'll take a break for Mumbo, to hang out with him. Grian has a problem with hoarding food, he never had control over it with the Watchers, so now on his own, he can't bare to throw anything out, he keeps things despite the smell or mold. Good bits of food sat with the rotten, but he doesn't eat either anyway, he just wants to have it, safe, where he can get to it easily, and he doesn't have to ask anyone. It takes Mumbo awhile to talk him into cleaning that out, its dangerous ! Even during the conversation Grian is slowly closing the cabinet Mumbo is trying to look into it, holding eye contact and desperately trying to convince Mumbo its fine (it is NOT.) Mumbos taken to sharing his lunch with him most days, or bringing snacks he claims he made too much of--or he bought too much by mistake, just to make sure he eats something.

Grian has a hard time living alone, he loses track of time and doesn't eat, or doesn't get the right amount of sleep. He feels lonely in his large build. The Watchers' controlled his entire life, so he doesn't know what to do with it now that its his again. When he thinks about it too long, it starts to ache, that little part of him never went away, the guilt, regret, and remorse, builds every time he doubts himself, he misses his bed !--Back in the void, that bed, this still doesn't feel like home, in some sick twisted way he feels homesick. Mumbo finds him at his base one day with his head buried in his knees crying, but when Grian notices he immediately pretends he was not crying, despite the red puffy eyes and tear stained face, he smiles and asks: whats up !! Hello whats up ! Mumbo laughs in horrified confusion, asking what happened. Grian says Nothing. Mumbo sits next to him and says c'mon mate what is this. Grian sighs and sinks back into himself, face dropping and exposing how tired he is. Grian slowly explains himself--at first leaving out many details--he just says he ran away from home before joining Hermitcraft, but he still misses his family sometimes--even if they hurt him. Mumbo thinks this is much deeper than he thought it'd be, but he encourages Grian to continue, and he does. Grian ends up telling Mumbo everything, absolutely everything, every humiliating detail and embarrassment, every memory good or bad. At some point they start telling family stories to each other, and Grian isn't crying anymore, they're both laughing, sat right next to each other. Its a huge relief. Grian poured his soul out to Mumbo and he held it so carefully.

late s6 and s7 go pretty smoothly--Watcher wise, Grian adjusts to life on his own and within a new community. Grian learns to fly again, he makes his wings his own and dyes them parrot colours.

I can't fit the rest, but he gets possessed by an alternate version of himself in s8, i think the Watchers find him as well bc of this timeline chaos. And the moons falling. Its a lot for him to emotionally deal with !

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Something I don't like about a lot of Vox takes I see is that they tend to portray Vox as someone who's unpleasant to work with and has weird ideas about what partnership means when really... he's not? He's not and he doesn't. It's just that two of the most prominent interactions we've seen him have are with Valentino(who is a fucking NIGHTMARE to work with) and Alastor(a man he has undisclosed, deeply emotional history with). But everyone seems to discount his OTHER important relationship: Velvette. Which by all accounts, is INCREDIBLY normal.

Like, yeah, their first interaction opens with her yelling at him, but that's less about Vox himself and more about Valentino. As they keep talking throughout the first bit of the episode, she starts calming down, and they just seem to genuinely get along? She has every right to look upset during Stayed Gone because Vox is being really weird and she's nOT THE ONE WHO ACTIVELY ENCOURAGED HIM TO DO THIS SHIT(staring directly at Val rn), but even then during the meeting after Stayed Gone she does actually. Participate. Unlike s o m e people. Despite being on her phone the whole time(which is literally her job-), she actually pays attention and contributes real ideas! Which tbh she didn't have to do at ALL like she did not have to put up w/ Vox's bs in RKtVS the way she did. There's also their phone call during the overlord meeting which, while I definitely think Vel was playing it up to annoy Carmilla, still sounded like a conversation between two ppl who genuinely like and respect eachother!

No matter what you think their relationship is(romantic, platonic, etc...), Vox and Velvette seem to get along REALLY well(outside of Alastor-related incidents). Like, better than either of them do with literally anybody else in the show. Vox & Val do LIKE eachother, but I find whatever the fuck is going on beneath the after the battles & masterless cattles to be DEEPLY upsetting to think about for too long(ex; any of my other posts abt their relationship), and the only other interactions we've seen either Vox or Vel have are Stayed Gone & Respectless, which are literally just song battles. Both of their only interactions outside of the Vees have been song battles. Aw fuck I'm getting off topic... BACK TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS COLLEAGUES- okay uh basically, I don't think they would get along this well if Vox was a terrible person to work with(note I said WORK WITH. Hate that I need to specify this but I don't think Vox is a good person overall, just a good business partner). I think Velvette is generally a good bench mark for both Vox & Valentino's relationships with other characters because she's their equal, their friend, and isn't in a weird toxic relationship with either of them. Their interactions with her provide a window into how they just generally interact with people. And based off of their interactions, Vox seems to be actually pretty decent to work with when he isn't being Actively Provoked for shits and giggles or trying to sooth the tantrum of a man child. Also when he views you as an equal and doesn't own your soul that helps too.

Edit: Hiiiiiiii just here to say that now, in the light of day, I don't really agree with everything I've said in this post? I wrote it at midnight while like half asleep so my ability to consider the fact that. We barely know anything about either Vox or Velvette at this point in time. Was kind of impaired I think. Cuz we really don't. I do stand by everything I said about their relationship to EACHOTHER, and I stand by the idea that we should take that dynamic into consideration for character analysis more often, but everything else I'm a little iffy on and I just woke up like an hour ago so my brains still a little fuzzy & I can't explain exactly WHY I'm iffy on it, but just know that I think the conclusion I drew is a bit of a leap in logic at the very least and I recognize that now lol

[bubble-popping]

day 24 and my friend sent me smth that was so drunznoblade coded I had to write smth for it

based off this but this is just the first part :)

It was all really fuzzy for Punz, especially when his head was pounding as bad as it was. Just trying to think back on what happened caused another wave of head-splitting pain. They definitely drank way too much last night...

God, he needed a tylenol. Some food would be nice too. A breakfast burrito sounded so good right about now. Was taco bell still serving breakfast? Actually, what time was it anyway?

Punz had to squint when he looked at his phone, the only way he was able to stand the glare of the screen. However, before they could even think about looking up taco bell's menu times, they noticed they had a full notification bar. After clicking and scrolling a bit, just seeing the typical posts and messages from his friends saying how awesome last night was, he got to one from a group chat.

They didn't recognize either of the profiles, and the only message was from one of them.

"Did you make it home safe, baby? Heart emoji?" He mumbled to himself, a tone of awe in his morning voice.

'who is this??' He wrote back. Clicking on the profiles brought him to one account that was totally private with a blank image while the other was filled with pictures of a fluffy haired blonde posing next to friends, family, and food. Now they were really hungry...

He got a response sooner than he anticipated.

'u forgot abt us already? :('

'we made out like half the night man'

Punz had to read that twice just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Half the night? They must've been wasted to not only agree to that but then not remember it at all.

"Sapnap," he hissed at his roommate, knocking on the wood of their bunk bed in an attempt to wake up the younger man.

His answer was a long groan, which when translated meant 'leave me the fuck alone.'

"Dude, wake up!" They pressed, tossing a pillow up onto Sapnap's bed. It was promptly thrown right back at their face.

"What? Tryna sleep off this fuckin' hangover, dude..." Sapnap leaned over the edge to glare at them, bedhead even messier than usual.

"What happened at the party last night?"

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Did I make out with someone?"

Sapnap appeared just as confused as him until realization slowly dawned on his face, then he was laughing. "Oh, dude. Yeah, that shit was wild. I got some other friends to come and you guys were going at it."

Punz visibly recoiled, cheeks red and brow furrowed. "Are you serious? Wha-how? Why??"

"How the hell would I know? I think we were playing like spin the bottle? Or something? You got Dream and then went back for seconds, I guess. Oh and Techno, you were all over Techno, bro."

"Who?"

Before he could respond, Punz's phone buzzed again. They looked down to see more messages.

'so r we still gonna meet 2day'

'or did you forget that too?'

"They wanna meet with me." Punz glanced up for Sapnap's reaction only to find the younger man had, presumably, returned to his pillow. "Sapnap!"

"What?!" He leaned back over, frowning. "I told you I'm tryna sleep!"

"Should I meet them? They're still like, total strangers, bro."

"Yeah, strangers, but you were sticking your tongue down their throats." Sapnap rolled his eyes while Punz turned an impossible shade of red and made and affronted noise. "If it gets your ass outta the dorm for once, then go." With that, he once again plopped down, and this time Punz thought it best to let him be.

Blunt as he put it, he was right on some level. These Dream and Techno people clearly cared about them, at least enough to want to meet again.

At worst, he'd be able to ask questions and fill in the blanks of what happened last night.

[take-it-easy-1004]

i think you should really know about the day i had

so i have swimming later today but i couldnt find shorts so i had to go buy some. my mom told me two stores where i could find them, so i got out on my bike with sandals and a t shirt... except it was raining... so i went back in through the shared garage and got my jacket... but i forgot my shoes... so i changed into sneakers and left. so my mom also told me i need to get sushi for both of us. and i want to draw a picture for you

this is supposed to be a map. my house is at the very bottom, where the three white lines almost collide. (HOLY HELL, WHILE WRITING THIS POST I JUST HEARD THUNDER SOOOO LOUD WTF) The light green and darker blue on the bottom left signify clothing store 1 (green) and other store 1 (blue). dark green and turquoise on the right signify grocery store (d green) and spot 1 (turqouise) on the left, red is clothing store 2 and yellow the sushi shop. pink is the ice cream shop and the shade of blue is a bike parking.

so i leave my hous to go to clothing store 2, which is on the top left. i go up to that left turn thats at the same height as the dark green and turqouise, before wrongly thinking c. store 2 is on the bottom left, next to c store 1. however, i was stupid and thought both stores were actually at spot 1. so i went to the top right, struggling uphill (there is a connection between the left turn and dark green). when i got there i realized i was wrong and went to the bottom left. but there, i found only one clothing store and realized the other one WAS at the top left and i was right all along. well i decided to at least go into the clothing store there but there was only baby stuff and womens stuff. so i head to clothing store 2 (red) and there's nothing there either. i decide to go to the sushi shop, but i find no parking. instead i go all the way to the bike parking (light blue) and come back on foot. i got the sushi and decided to have some ice cream (yellow) finally i walked back to the parking and drove home.

what i mean to say with this post is obv the chaos and all but also the littles things that happened on the way were so beautiful to me and i had so much fun. let me list some things that happened on my journey:

i met my neighbor

i thought abt how cool my city is

i saw a guy park his bike on two different bars (somehow)

i heard a guy playing the flute and i was mesmerized.

my ice cream got ruined because when i was done finishing it, the smell of cigarettes ruined it.

i met someone from my volleyball club who i didnt really know but he still recognized. me and nodded his head

i saw a poster that said " we are from [redacted for privacy] city, we are here to fuck the cops and suck the titty."

i scraped my arm against a wall and my english teacher saw me, but when i went to say hi, he dissapeared.

yeah thats it but it was a nice day

[novemberthewriter]

pain posting

yknow that whole chronic pain thing of 'i don't believe there's anyone who goes thru life w pain level 0 most days' bc we're tryna speak to how societal expectations prevent ppl from recognizing they're ill/disabled? (in other words -- it's unrealistic/not a proper gauge to act like the world is divided into ppl who feel no pain and ppl who are on 10 w no in between) well one facet of that ive always felt strongly abt is period pain like im sooooo tired of ppl insisting that 'the normal amt of pain on periods is 0' ... I don't have energy to pull stats rn bc I am in pain myself but thinking about how you hear more about ppl who experience pain than you do about ppl who don't it's like . At what point does the bad pain become the default? It almost feels like gaslighting when people insist that xyz is so abnormal and you shouldn't be feeling that rather than being like 'actually this is a very common shitty thing ppl deal with, here's how you might seek treatment'

Idk just thinking about how it's been almost 20 years of this shit and how it was so bad I had to take off school a lot growing up & my mom would get really annoyed and act like I should muscle through it like she did growing up. I don't think anyone should have to muscle through this. Whatever part(s) of the world I heard abt last year starting to give ppl leave for this kinda pain ... can we implement that here pleaseee cuz it's rough when there's more on the line besides missing middle school classes 😭

[circular-bircular]

Mmm. I caught a few free minutes today to sit down and respond, so let's unleash this one, shall we?

Below the cut is an ENORMOUS ask, and a (incredibly long, as much as I may try otherside) response. It's about the recent "censorship" (???) drama.

TL;DR: Everyone is allowed to be angry in life, and policing that is kind of outrageously infuriating, especially in spaces where people struggle with things like emotional regulation! I'm allowed to be upset and express that upset, just as much as anyone else. Me expressing frustrations isn't "demonizing" people or attacking them, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way. If you feel I'm attacking you by posting on my own blog how I'm upset about something, or feel I'm attacking you by reblogging posts on tumblr to dissect ableism in articles you yourself posted... Figure out that feeling, or block me? Good lord.

I am not posting anything more about this topic. Please don't send asks about it, or I will simply be deleting them.

Okay. For context, these two asks (combined below) came in about 3 days ago. I was wondering if I should post them in a different format to slim them down, but genuinely, I think I want to present this as I received it. Here it is (with your system name censored, anon -- I recognize your concerns about harassment):

abt frameaclouds post :: politely + trying to come to the table not to argue but to point this out I dont think you can blame a blogger for seeing people reblogging their post from you legit screaming "how dare you" or "fuck you" at them and them then assuming that it's probs best to just block and keep back from that whole group of folks. I liked some of your additions and thought they were interesting as one of frameaclouds followers.... but the way you and others focused almost entirely on nitpicking LB Lee's stuff and some ways things were phrased (ex. - like point 3; all frameacloud said was that DID does not require trauma. you then... agreed and shouted at them?), and the way a lot of you jumped to calling it censorship and silencing when frameacloud refused to engage afterwards, really kind of makes it look like you're interpreting their post and actions in the worst light possible. it makes it seem like you're coming from a place of bad faith. you mentioned some cool perspective in your reblog, where you talked about how it came off to someone who had your specific background and knowledge and what u found the issues to be, but you haven't done the reverse: you haven't considered how your reblog was going to come across to an otherkin whose been around for a really long time and who is probably used to dealing with tons and tons of trolls who are going to take what they say in the least generous way possible, twist their words, + use it to belittle and harass them. like this is an otherkin who's been around since the grilling times and usenet days. and a bunch of people who seem to be in ur circles citing back to the post and kind of beating their chests about it even tho frameacloud is making a point not to fight or argue about it and to just block and move on...and u urself described ur response as a 'rant' which has a pretty diff connotation than 'discussion' or 'criticism'...well its likely to just project that kind of image further, that ur just here to flame war, even if thats not what ur doing or how u want to come across. ik that's how it came across to me and even after seeing some of ur past posts on ur blog that i really liked im still a little skeptical that this ask isnt gonna be either trashed mocked or taken out of context by u or someone who follows u. and also i want to remind people that like......... u r not owed access to anyone on socmed. frameacloud and any other blogger is allowed to block anyone for any reason. and its unhealthy to say that ur owed other ppls blogs and posts to platform on. respect other ppls boundaries without villainizing them cuz otherwise ur just opening up a can of worms to lie in. and ik u said in a later post that theyre well within their rights to block u but u also reblogged a post before that calling it censorship. so like... this is what i mean about coming off as disengenuous and troll-y, stuff like this is why even if i liked some of ur reblog i wont rb it. if i rb it and end up deleting it later am i gonna be told by others that im 'censoring' u? if i make a mistake and say something wrong in a tag am i gonna get jumped with a 5k word essay from four different ppl telling me how much i suck? its a hypothetical but only sorta with whats been happening on ur blog and elsewhere in this discussion. its bad form and its not super fair to frameacloud who still hasnt done legit anything yet but block ppl and i really cant say enough how much i dont blame them with some of whats been said n what sort of conclusions ppl r jumping to abt them. (also now that im thinking of the context if u did come across as bad faith engagement to frameacloud then they probably didnt respond to ur ask because it screamed BAIT to them cuz ik in their shoes id think the same. i mean their blog 99% runs on queue...the last post they reblogged that wasnt on their queue was ONE post on the 11th from their boyfriend and be4 that ONE on the 9th...all while u have someone gossiping in a prev ask that they 'often do this'. i can see frameaclouds POV)

like i swear im not trying to start a fight but can u see how this comes off. claiming u want a discussion and then thanking someone who is calling blocking censorship, saying that theyre in their rights to block but then posting an ask that says this blog that makes maybe like two or three original posts a month "does this often", the original aggro all over the reblogs that stem from ur first reblog in the reblog chart... like frameacloud is the one who blocked first but u have to srsly consider why they did + why they refuse to engage at all + what it looks like to ppl outside of the type of syscourse ur used to, like them and like me. if u want ppl to listen, then this isnt a good way to promote the kind of discussions u say u want. it just drives ppl away and maybe it feels temporarly vindicating but its not helpful. i want to see the things ur talking abt talked abt more but if its always going to be like that and theres no way for it to be less like trekking thru a field of mines where someone might blow up at u for something u dnt even realize is wrong at the time then i dunno

...

So, first off, I apologize profusely to everyone for how long-winded I am. I write a LOT, a habit I have always, always tried to break, and I now realize just how much it is to see thousands of words in response to things. This is nearly 1k of words I woke up to right before leaving for my vacation. Talk about wild to read right after waking up. (I also apologize because what follows is similarly so long winded and I cannot figure out how to not do this).

I attempted to write up my response. Took a full day and a half, writing and writing and writing. And here's the thing, I wrote around 3k words trying to explain my perspective, trying to acknowledge what I agreed and disagreed with from your asks, from your perspective, and just...

Dude, I am so fucking done with this shit. Not your asks in particular, but with syscourse in general.

This ask presents me with a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. I could leave it to rot in my inbox, but then I'm a hypocrite for not engaging with discussions about things, which is what I say I want people to do. I could finish writing up my 3k+ word response, but then my words are going to be twisted as they always are because I'm long winded and I am just trying my best to (probably over)explain myself.

Or... I can just. Explain as briefly as possible here what I'm feeling, thinking, and doing.

So... Here goes my best shot.

One:

First and foremost, I could care less at this point about frameacloud. Good fucking lord, I have tried to keep their username in my head through all of this, but it's genuinely so hard and I just end up scrolling up. I have never interacted with this user before this, and I clearly won't be again. My beef is not with them. I could care less about this user or their business; they are a tumblr user who exists. Wow!

My upset was about how the conversation was cut off. That's all. That's it. Wow, it sucks how all conversations are cut off when people block others for any reason. I hate how long MY blocklist is, strictly for my mental health. I hate how many people I have to block to keep myself healthy, because it cuts off communication. Is it... condemning myself to saying, "It's a shame that they cut off communication like that" when I've blocked plenty of very vocal syscoursers?

No. As I've said numerous times through all this, people should be able to block whoever they want. Even if I talk about how upsetting that may be, I mean absolutely no ill will to the person who literally should not know I'm talking about how upset I am, because said person has me blocked.

Two:

I don't care why they blocked me. Maybe they personally hate me, maybe they heard about me from who-is-page or whoever (I know I've bumped heads with them in the past once or twice before), maybe they thought I was a troll, maybe they thought I was overly angry, whatever-

That literally means nothing to me other than " :( Fucking goddamn it, that means my response will be hidden."

What I am upset about isn't that they blocked me; I'm upset that the conversation was cut short and hidden in all aspects. By that I mean, I don't care I was blocked and hidden; I care that every single user who reblogged either me or SAS's reply was also hidden. Like. Every single tag was. I don't know if that's tumblr's doing, or OPs doing, or what have you, but again -- it doesn't matter.

All I'm saying is "damn, buddy, that sucks."

Three:

They didn't respond to my ask, and I mentioned that in my follow up post to show I tried to reach out genuinely. I didn't want people to think I was posting this without trying to reach out originally. That was all. It was once again me complaining that the conversation was completely cut off, regardless of the reason why it was cut off.

And here's where I'll address the elephant that I see, or at least the first one.

I'm allowed to be however angry I want on my blog, on my posts, and in my life. I'm allowed to shout, curse, and be pissed off. And no, they don't need to engage with it, and no, I don't need to be happy about that fact.

This is a tumblr blog, sir.

I'm not a medical professional or a debater on a stage in front of a podium. I'm a 26 year old trauma survivor who got upset about a fucking severely ableist post. I think I should be allowed to be a bit pissy about it.

Being told so frequently recently that I need to "be nice to convince people" is such whiplash, because less than a year ago, I was that person. I was the person telling everyone to let go of their anger, to be nice to convince the other side, that everyone needs to be polite. I did this so much that I literally was known as the Respectability Politics Syscourser. That was a legitimate label I used. I was told so often that I was a filthy centrist and that I was worse than homophobic bigots because I was trying to get everyone to just be nice to each other. I got fucking harassed for simply posting "Everyone should respect each other" to the syscourse tags.

Is that healthy?

A topic I discuss most frequently with my therapist at the moment is reclaiming anger. I struggle severely with loyalty and fawning, convinced that if I show any negative emotion whatsoever, I'll be hurt and shoved aside and abandoned by those I love. (Ouch). Here's just a few things I've learned in the past year or so:

Anger is the part of you that knows you deserve better.

Anger is a form of self-love.

Anger is a secondary emotion; what emotion lies under it? (This is the one I struggle with the most)

In... Fall of last year (the exact month escapes me), I ended up blowing up due to how long I had kept myself censored and kept myself "polite" for others. Due to how much anger I'd shoved aside and kept under wraps for the benefit of others. Because being angry would "reflect badly" on me and my friends; because it would make what I had to share less accessible to others.

... I'm done with doing that. Therapist's literal orders. In fact, if my therapist had his way, I would not have a system blog, be part of any system servers, or talk to anyone online who has DID, because the fact fucking is, none of you are safe to talk to. It will always be a triggering space. (Thankfully, my therapist also acknowledges that he is a singlet, doesn't know my brain, and that I am my own person who can make my own choices).

If OP of the post decided to make a big huge post blowing up in anger and frustration at how horrible I am, good for them. If you block me out of anger, good for you! I do not care, because I will be happy you are doing what is best for you. I am happy OP did what's best for them.

And equally, upset that a convo about ableism was hidden.

That brings me to:

Four:

Out of all the shit said and reblogged through that little single blip on the syscourse radar (I think around 10 posts out of 20 in that single 24 hours), I do regret posting that ask about OP "doing this often". That one is on me, and tbh, I'm gonna delete it. It was drama, and I do try to avoid that. I hardly added anything to it, and while I know my perspective on why I posted it, I also acknowledge that it'll do literally jack shit to explain why. So I'm just gonna delete it and move on.

But in everything else, I was only lamenting the fact that every response was hidden beyond those agreeing with OP.

I thanked Candlelight (the first user to call it censorship from what I can see) for stating that the responses were all hidden, but moreover, for mentioning that they didn't agree with everything I said. I spoke on that post primarily driven by anger at Lee's ableism. I KNOW it was not a perfect post. That's because I'm not a Perfect Debater(TM).

All I wanted was A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABLEISM!

(Note: This is commonly seen as yelling; for me, via text, I see this as EXTREME EMPHASIS. Sorry it apparently comes across as yelling! I see it as yelling a bit in my mind, but I can see how the TONE is lost in those cases. Right now, my tone is exhausted frustration, but I see no need to ACTUALLY raise my voice at you.)

I think that's the thing that's pissed me off the most. Everyone and their brother wants to either agree or disagree with me about censorship. I have my own thoughts on censorship (it's basically always bad, but there's nuance on all things, is exclusion censorship, etc etc) but those are not relevant because nobody has even fucking addressed the ableism.

The articles -- linked by OP, but who gives a shit at this point -- came off as ableist. I reblogged OP's post because they are the ones who posted the ableist articles to the DID tags. That is how tumblr is used, is it not? And yes, I expressed my anger... at the articles... on the post that had the articles...

And OP hid those critiques for their own reasons... and I lamented that they were hidden... so I made a post about it while explaining the context ('Hey if you're wondering why I'm making this big huge long post AGAIN, OP blocked my response and everyone elses, and yes I have tried to resolve it, but this one's plan B for getting the word out that these articles and ideas are really harmful online')

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. You see why this is so hard to keep short, right? I surely hope so. There's a LOT to tackle here, and a lot of emotions, and a lot of different topics/nuances.

FIVE: RAPID FIRE ROUND (With Review!)

I don't care about otherkin spaces or know shit about them. They're triggering for me. Bluh.

I don't blame OP for blocking me.

I don't hate you or want to attack you for this ask, sorry you feel that way.

If someone deletes a reblog, I just assume they made a mistake reblogging it? Do people attack others for this shit?

I nitpicked Lee's response because Lee's response was the most ableist shit I've seen in a bit, and I did that on OP's post because they're the one who posted it.

I didn't agree that DID does not always need trauma? I explicitly said it is always trauma based? I'm so confused about that point.

Is "Ranting" seen as trolling now? I use "rant" to mean "Shit, I went on for a LONG time." It's synonymous with ramble for me.

I don't know how to break it to everyone, but posting online means it is inherently unsafe, and someone may attack you or blow up at you. It's the world wide web. It sucks. (That doesn't mean it's deserved or that I endorse that behavior; it's just... life).

Ugh.

At the end of the day, I just want to be able to have my fucking disorder and scroll tags about my disorder without seeing:

It doesn't need trauma to form

Traumagenic systems are 'obsessed with suffering'

Endogenic systems are 'healthy' forms of plurality (As opposed to DID)

Yknow. Syscourse in general.

And similar shit.

Is that too much to ask??

Anon; I know this doesn't address all of your points. I KNOW I haven't gone point by point like I wanted to. My original draft did that, but I only got halfway before hitting 3k words, and you seemed... really adverse to a long ra- ramble, not rant. Sorry? Ugh.

Just take this, and I hope this topic doesn't come back to me, because I'm kinda done with it entirely at this rate.

[drifloonz]

Hii Can i request glitchy red having a s/o that's similar to him? (Reader got cruelly removed by their game and got replaced) also i really like your hcs:3 keep up the writing!! :D

ofc ofc !!! ty for requesting. Once again these sort of stray into general thoughts and headcanons abt glitchy sometimes but oh well i have just learned to accept that tht just sort of Happens when i make these.

i try to make the reader / s/o in all of the headcanon posts very blank templates but if i didn't i'd probably go ham with the implied backstory. Maybe. but for now its just a "Make your own and inject it into the headcanons" typa post.

glitchy red with a similar s/o !!! Love wins

♡ glitchy honestly didn't... know something like him could even Happen again. i mean, he does and he always secretly hoped that one day someone, anyone in his game would gain sentience suddenly so he'd at least have someone else to talk to instead of himself and whatever player he had atm. and that makes you... very interesting and special to him.

♡ suffice to say, you two have a lot of shared grievances probably, and glitchy is a very rant-y person. both of you will shittalk and rant and complain about your similar situations and bond very fast over it. honestly, that's probably how you two got closer in the first place. Easy way into glitchys heart: Bitching abt things ig <3

♡ in a similar but more positive vein, you two can and will often ramble about things you did in your respective games - or even just rambling abt you two's games in general if you yourself didn't come from a pokemon game. although glitchy is very cynical and apathetic to all of it now and knew that none of the pokemon or npcs in his world really had feelings, he still likes to explain the mechanics and the pokemon to you... he wishes he could've taken one home as a pet for you two, but would that even work? would it even recognize him? would it be anything more than a piece of coding that can no longer work due to being forced into a physical form? he thinks about this more than he should.

♡ ... aaanyways, on a lighter topic, due to that train of thought he probably gets you two a cat or something, after extensive research and reading bc he does not want to accidentally handle any animal poorly. it's name is up to you but if you just wanna go with whatever glitchy chose it's name is like, mittens. or something really basic. or it's pikachu/pika/chu or something because as much as he loves being free he does feel odd without pokemon so naming a cat that sort of helps but not really.

♡ i like to think if you did have a pokemon or a favorite though it'd be eevee just to match how glitchys favorite is probably pikachu or one/all of the 3 starters bc he's unoriginal

♡ do you think their replacements date. This isn't even a headcanon this is just something i went "oh if they both have replacements... wait."

♡ frlg red and whoever the hell replaced you kiss under the moonlight. every time we touch amv . Ok anyways back to the actual headcanons i apologize

♡ assuming you two both somehow Physically Manifested irl and aren't just somehow visiting or talking to eachother in you twos digitized forms, you are both adjusting to the real world. and trying to help eachother with it. But since neither of you are used to it, it isn't going that well. Very odd and weird couple that look unreal, while ones also glitching out of reality every 5 seconds casually having a walk in the park. It's normal. Love wins

♡ presumably, you also are as touch starved and affection-starved as glitchy due to your whole ordeal being so similar. you two will be ALL over each other. PDA and general affection and touch are CONSTANT. no matter what. you two are so lovey-dovey it's almost comical

♡ i've stated this in a few other headcanons but legit do anything affectionate to glitchy and he'll become redder than his mfing clothing. dude is so touch-starved and is also really easy to fluster and he hates it. with this s/o specifically, though, i like to think since you two are similar he'll absolutely try to get back at you by immediately doing anything to fluster you back, and it probably works... you two are just incoherent blushing messes at the end of it all

♡ most of these headcanons are just "Mutual Problems: The Thread" and i find that very funny. what being undersocialized, replaced, toyed with, abandoned, and traumatized for decades does to two mfs

♡ adding onto that you both are probably clingy with each other and get a bit of separation anxiety. glitchy is like. "Where is my fucking spouse." in his head any time you are not within his sight. my wife is soft and i like her post but in Glitchy Red and in Gender Neutral terms

♡ glitchy is sort of weird with romance. like, he knows that people date. but he's not... really socially aware of much of anything. anything he knows is through osmosis of his players or of things he overhears sometimes or something. due to this he probably just copies what he sees in media and is very cheesy about it and will give you bouquets and flowers he picked off the ground. Alternatively and probably more in character, he just doesn't do that and is very casual about his affection and love due to not knowing How To properly give affection. it's a lot of mumbled "I love you"'s and cuddles during the evening. small stuff like that.

♡ wait no. since you have very similar issues to red... concept: relationship dynamic where one person is very casual abt it and the other person is very extra and romantic and gives everything they can to the other person. you are the extra and romantic one. it makes glitchy so confused and he feels like he's undeserving of it, but it makes him fluster sm. You were from a dating sim game you have to be extra about romance /j ( unless you want it to be serious backstory i guess. reader DDLC monika type beat... )

♡ sometimes he asks what you did to players. and i .. i actually do like you being like. monika sorta where you're more clingy and attached to players. So if you choose that to be the case he finds how different your approach is to that odd. but he supposes your game was probably not as fucking glitchy constantly, or at least wasn't known for its glitches. he's partially envious of that, but part of him is glad you didn't have to endure the hell he did.

♡ you two do get sometimes recognized among the general public but are assumed to be cosplayers. whether this pisses you off or not is up to you, but i think glitchy has very mixed feelings about it. he just scowls and has a look of visible confusion on his face. he Doesn't really like socializing with anyone other than you tbh so this doesn't help, nor does he really enjoy talking about or remembering pokemon without his ok ( Good luck with that when its like the highest grossing multimedia franchise ever RIP glitchy red 2011-2023 )

♡ once again. relationship dynamic idea. you being the more outgoing social one Who is secretly sort of cracking from pressure and red being the brooding awkward blunt one. imagine you going to cons bc you like the attention from getting recognized as yourself. red is begrudgingly at your side rolling his eyes bc he doesn't like cons, probably ( although he will eye the pokemon merch with both disdain and intrigue... he will come home with a 10 foot tall pikachu and charizard plush ). people ask for pics w you sometimes. they all fuck up bc red will not allow you to leave his side even when ur taking pictures he doesn't wanna be in, and as i said in other posts, Any footage of him comes out looking like cryptid photos / they just get really fucked up in processing in... various weird ways. he finds it funny and is oddly proud of being able to screw photos up, but he'll eventually get juuust out of shot if you really want to take pictures w other people

♡ Do not put either of you two around technology, it'll fucking explode near either of you ( probably, anyways - assuming you're also glitchy and unstable like. well. glitchy is. but i assume any code made manifest into physical form like you two, glitched or otherwise, would not be able to use technology without it fucking up a little. )

♡ although glitchy can be sort of a dick sometimes, he tries to never be that way arnd you. if he makes you upset he like, immediately feels bad and apologizes, and will be there to calm you down and comfort you

♡ you prob prefer to call glitchy by red, i just mostly use glitchy for him when writing these posts for Clarification's Sake. he does like being referred to you by name, though. the way your voice just... says it. idk, it makes him smile. your voice is nice, in his eyes. your everything is nice in his eyes, really.

♡ he sometimes gets really really worried that one day he'll wake up and you'll start repeating all of your actions and words, like. becoming an npc with no depth. it scares him a lot, because this life is too good for him in his eyes. sometimes he has sort of panics about it and you have to calm him down - which isn't too hard, but it's just easy for him to overthink about negative outcomes and about "oh god what if all of it was fake" types of scenarios

♡ ending this on a lighter note than... that, uhhh! i think he's a little in love enough that whenever you r away and he gets lonely, he might honestly look into the game you're from and act like a mfing in love fangirl ( aka, only looking at the parts you appear in and just intaking everything about you in your source material asap. you look so cute in the artstyle of the game, too... man. he's a little lovestruck. a little fruity, even. this is even funnier if you take the dating sim / visual novel backstory into account bc glitchy Would download the game just to romance you. And you come home and see him doing that and are just like. Flustered and confused and 50 different emotions while glitchy just goes "I can explain, I swear." ).

♡ breaking news red from pokemon red and [ y/n ] from [ insert game ] are real and Are kissing. Maybe even under a tree. do what you will with this info

[localvoidcat]

also holy shit there's a lot of stuff for your ml au FVGBHNJ (i tried maybe getting info abt it but omg there's so many posts and i dont feel like going through all of them /lh i just do not have patience). is there a post that sums up the au? bc i think someone has asked abt that before and i have no idea where that post would be FVGBHNJ /nf though bc i probably sound annoying -coward anon

i’ve been needing to write down my rewrite of the plot, so i’ll put it here!

this au starts the same as vol 1. mark gets the call, he goes to cesar’s house, he gets followed by the alternate, and he’s trapped in his room for three days.

however, he runs out of bullets while firing at the alternate, just before he’s able to take the last shot, and ends up taking the only other alternative: jumping out of his bedroom window. he breaks his leg from the impact (he did not think it through fully and just kind of. flung himself out), but he manages to get away from the house. he does go back in to get his cat, but then he books it out of the house and drives away.

the alternate, of course, hasn’t left his side. not wanting it to harm anyone around him, he decides to not involve anyone in it, so he basically ends up. kind of faking his death between the state of his bedroom and the refusal to go back to mandela. his family doesn’t really try to find him when he goes missing.

meanwhile, cesar survived his suicide attempt. the cameras in his house ended up broken, however, and between his mom being killed with what seems to be the same weapon he used, and mark’s disappearance, he’s listed as a suspect instead of the alternate. with his best friend and his mom supposedly dead, and the cops after him, he has no choice but to flee mandela county as well. things are not fun for this man

cut to seventeen years later. mark’s been living in bythorne, albeit under a different last name. alt cesar is still tormenting him, but he’s gotten used to it. everything’s going decent for him, until one day when he’s walking home from work and he ends up getting hit by a van.

the bps van, which is being driven by adam and jonah. after a quick discussion over whether or not they should try to hide the body, they realize he’s alive and decide to bring him back to their place and convince him not to sue them. or arrest them. or any number of things that usually happens when you hit someone with a car.

mark wakes up in the bps headquarters (which is just. a shabby apartment the three of them share) and hears people talking. these people end up being adam, jonah, and sarah, who mark hasn’t seen since she was 3. obviously she doesn’t recognize him at first considering how different he looks and that she was 3 at the time, but she eventually does. heathcliff siblings end up being reunited, but there’s still the issue of. well. adam hitting mark with a van.

his solution is, of course, letting mark join bps and get some of the money from their next job. begrudgingly, mark says yes.

the next job is the one from vol 2, which means that they have to go to mandela county. upon seeing cesar’s house, mark freaks out, but he still goes inside anyway.

cue to the argument between adam and jonah. just as adam’s about to go in the basement, mark stops him and makes him wait while mark explores the basement instead. adam’s pissed about this but he listens to mark (considering he’s like. a decade older than him) and goes back to the car with jonah.

once in the basement, mark is confronted by six, who reminds mark of his encounters with him during his childhood, as well as all of the alternate stuff in general. in a moment of panic, he shoots the tv and tries to get the hell out of the house.

all adam and jonah hear, however, is a gunshot. adam assumes mark killed himself and drives off, leading to another fight between adam and jonah, who doesn’t think they should have left him behind. they end up getting out of the car and physically fighting in the snow, before they finally decide to stop and go get mark. they’re both visibly messed up after this fight i think they do this every week. mandatory beat the shit out of each other day you know how it is

meanwhile, with mark, he tries to chase after the car, but struggles due to the fact that it’s a vehicle going at max speed, and his leg is still bad due to never getting it checked out when it was first harmed. it’s here that he’s confronted by an alternate, that takes his appearance and runs off.

when adam and jonah find “mark”, they chalk up his odd behavior and silence to just an alternate encounter, and go back to bythorne. actual mark is left having to walk all the way back until he can find a car.

when the three get back to bps, sarah can tell there’s something going on with mark, but adam and jonah tell her he’s definitely fine. it goes well for alt mark up until someone shows up at the door a day later.

it’s actual mark. upon seeing it, mark fires at alt mark with his gun. it’s made clear that one’s an alternate when it barely flinches at the bullet, and the four of them escape from the alternate, who’s started chasing them. they manage to get away for a little bit, just enough for mark to yell at adam for driving off without him, before alt mark shows back up again.

this time, it manages to inflict jonah with mad before running off. so now we’ve got mark, who now has at least two alternates on his trail, sarah, who’s only had her brother for about a week now, adam, who’s going to find out he’s an alternate very soon, and jonah, who’s now dealing with mad at the hands of alt mark.

in the meantime, vol 4 is playing out the same way it does in canon, with thatcher, dave, and evelin. evelin goes through the tapes, she gets fired, dave takes up the job at the church, all that stuff.

however, when dave encounters alt gabriel, it decides not to kill him, finding it better to force him to watch the downfall brought on by his own unknowing hand.

only problem is that humans aren’t really capable of looking at angels, even false ones, with the naked eye, and dave’s eyes end up melting out of his skull, as well as his mad getting much much worse. when thatcher finds him on church grounds, he’s understandably a mess, apologizing for something thatcher doesn’t understand and saying something about. impending doom. as one does. thatcher takes dave back to his place to try and help him, unaware of the fact that alt gabriel’s plan has already been set into motion.

because vol 4 ended on a cliffhanger, i don’t have too much of the plot after this point. all i can tell you is that mark finds out adam’s an alternate and does not take it well, jonah ends up living through his mad, alt mark makes sure to come back, bps interacts with thatcher and dave (mark punches thatcher at one point it’s really funny) and overall. shit’s fucked.

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

i'm so confused abt my professor (same one that told us "no more tape" for our collages lol) not just adjusting the syllabus

i mentioned in the other post that they recognize we have a lot less time than we need while also still getting mad at us for being slow. they've literally repeatedly said that their previous class had a lot more time n still needed to cram everything in n it's like... well you know we should've had more time... n having to quickly n constantly churn out art projects that should be well thought out n executed (on top of giving good crits which take up time) isn't actually great... n some people are doing this for the first time.... so.... adjust the syllabus you made?? stop making us do multiple pieces every time?

like why are you always saying this class is driving you insane n that oh this assignment was supposed to be due x-day! when you can clearly see the ENTIRE class has been increasingly struggling n some ppl don't even come anymore

[arugula2048]

ik you prob wrote abt this ages ago but I wanted to say I appreciate your additions abt the 'almond mom' discussion. I saw it came from a child model almost fainting and the mother advising her to eat a couple of almonds chewed very slowly. So literally from eating disoreded mom harming and abusing child by purposefully malnourishing them. Ofc over time ppl posted more ambiguous things but what if the er mom was asked to comfort the child and 'did her steps' imstead? Or the mom eating salad (1/2

2/2 and the family eating heavier meals. Oftentimes the mom is visibly upset with the children so maybe they are 'breaking the cycle' by eating satisfying food after being told not to for many years? Like I agree we must not forget ppl acting 'strange' w food incl moms are victims of society which promotes disordered eating. But to actively push that on your child is cruel. And many ppl are not mentioning how strange their mom is but rather how it results in treating them, shamimg, policing them

I feel you, I could understand if the 'pacing bc she's worried and not ED' interpretation if it was one of many used in the analyses, but it irked me when so many bloggers just ran with that alone. Not very empathetic to the child, gyns, who in the post example was in the fucking ER, implying she wanted comfort but her mother prioritized her own body image instead... It's so funny (not funny) how they breezed past that part and was like "this bitter ungrateful child!! of course she's definitely lying about her mom to mock her"

It's an interesting analysis to focus fully and only on the 'almond mothers' in that post. But then to say that's the only way to see it and say that children are responsible for their mothers' healing is repulsive. I can't tell if that conclusion came from temporary tunnel vision, or if they never had a bad relationship with their mother, or if they no longer see themselves in the child now that they're adults, or if they're partly speaking from unresolved issues and believe that fixing their mothers will fix them too. They would've betrayed their younger selves just like their mothers did lol.

Not to mention, like you said, mothers are grown women and had decades to reflect on their experiences and illnesses to decide how they'd raise their daughters. As an adult and as a parent, they had that responsibility to step up for their children lol. The audacity of the ~approach your mother with a feminist mindset to break entire generational cycles of misogyny and EDs~ statement is unbelievable. To put that work on children? So the mothers shouldn't need to do anything? Why don't we start smaller with something kids can do?

I think that post got like that because of the whole "mother discourse" that had people acting as if someone said 'mothers should be officially recognized as a subhuman class' instead of 'I prioritize girls because they're the common denominator demographic of all women'. Cue the overcompensation and almost victim-blaming kids who were coached to get EDs. They seriously looked at a kid in the ER and blame her for her mom being fucked up, no one in that post contested that first reply. Yikes, but that's the internet, I guess.

Thank you for the message, I'm glad we felt seen by each other. Have a good day, anon!

[st5lker]

super long post sorry i just upped my dose of vyvanse so i have a lot to say. anyways one strange phenomenon i find on tumblr although it really shouldnt be surprising by now i suppose is the fact that people seem to believe that everything has an objective answer. and like yeah of course this is the Nuance is Dead website but its still strange to me like ive been making many polls recently on things im genuinely curious to see differing opinions on, because theyre on inherently divisive topics that i really dont believe there's any "right" answer to (the 'is it weird when gay people sexually fantasize about converting straight people' being the biggest one but also that one i just made abt adhd and autism), but the replies to a lot of those polls have people seeming to talk as if there are objective measurable ways to prove a 'right' and 'wrong' answer on topics that ultimately dont affect all that much. questions like that will always have different reactions from different people, even people who generally agree on most big topics, because everyones life experiences and individual opinions will give them different reactions and morals to minute topics like that and its not like you can make legislation or policy about something like that no matter how strongly people might feel in one direction or the other so it ultimately comes down to your own opinion/sense of morals and curating your own experiences.

but people seem to speak about everything as if its another "should you be conservative or not" where the "difference of opinion" is basically whether or not you can recognize easily proved facts or if just straight up do not want minorities to have rights. and the consequences of having the wrong opinion result in real and tangible actions with massive impact (legislation). i think people got so exhausted about people treating issues like that as if they're "ambiguous" when there's a really obvious answer for everyone that isnt a bigot that they started seeing every single issue as if there must be a "correct" answer as well, but the reality is that for the vast vast majority of things there isnt anywhere close to an objective answer, even within the popular leftist moral compass.

there is no "correct" answer to lgbt discourse. yes even that discourse that youre thinking of right now. there is no "correct" answer to the morality of liking some media, or having some sexual fantasy. like, when it comes to things that i and all of my friends feel very strongly about, like some of those fantasies or lgbt discourse, i can and will shame or judge or debate or distance myself from people who disagree with me, because i have every right to. recognizing that morality is subjective doesnt mean i can't care. it just doesnt mean i think im objectively "correct". im going off of my own sense of morality, yknow? which is fine! we don't really have any choice but to do that in order to make progress. but i still AM doing that and i can recognize that because i think its important to, and doesnt undermine my own morals.

so i suppose its just a bit strange to me when people act like theres objective answers on things like that when like, you can never objectively prove morality because it's inherently subjective. even the basic question of "do you want to help or harm other human beings" gets muddied, because for as much as it might seem evil (and i honestly think it's evil as well), someone can truly and earnestly define "morality" as a based on helping yourself first and alone with no regard to other humans. i think everyone has every right to not want to associate with people who have certain opinions/do certain things, or even to associate with people who associate with them. its extremely easy to curate who you associate with in this day and age. but its still extremely strange to me when people talk about morality as if it is objective. i understand why, i do, i'm not really criticizing anyone for it especially since this is all about how things are worded and you cant always be like 'but remember this is subjective!' in every argument so i get it. but i think if you're reading this and realizing that you haven't been thinking of morality as subjective, it might be time to start. not because i want to defend anyone, really, but because understanding and recognizing that morality is subjective is a prerequisite to being able to change other people's minds and move the world towards your own sense of morality

[superbatson]

ok i just scrolled down your blog and you seem like a chill person so im going to be honest here.

i really don't want to see austin butler in any dc or marvel related stuff bc imo he has the talent to be a movie star and instead of being known for a superhero franchise I'd love to see him getting recognation in blockbusters like elvis and indie movies.

and I'm a both marvel and dc fan but the fandoms are full of insane ppl so there's like... zero ppl i can talk abt this without them getting angry.

anyways hope you have a nice day 🌷

sorry this has been in my inbox for a while now and i never replied. (i'm kinda doing a reply catch-up across a few of my socials tonight.)

you're absolutely valid for that opinion. i think i've sorta changed my tune about austin joining dc since i first talked about it after seeing elvis. i mean, i still think it'd be cool to see him in a franchise of some sort, but maybe something new, like a book-based thing (i guess like dune, though i know that'll be a one-off for him) rather than an established comic book one. and especially now, like, dc is a mess. they're trying to save face but i don't have faith in their new leadership (safran seems fine to me, even though i've heard he's like hamada lite; it's gunn i really worry about) and the quality of their films seems to be back on a downward spiral. (i haven't seen BA yet but critical and audience response is pretty mixed, so i may wait to watch it on streaming.) i've also heard a new rumor for who might take over for ezra post-flash, and i gotta say, i don't hate it. (it's george mackay, of 1917 fame, which i haven't seen but i want to, and i think some of his other films are on my to-watch list, so it's only a matter of time before i become a fan of his officially. he's definitely got a good look for barry, i can at least say for now.)

(oh, and i know austin's name has also been suggested for green arrow, but i genuinely think now that it'll be a missed opportunity if wb doesn't get charlie hunnam. garrett hedlund is a solid backup choice, but charlie would be a perfect ollie. would be kinda fun if he got paired back up with guy ritchie for a green arrow solo film...)

i totally get you on the crazy fandoms thing, which is probably further reason why austin should avoid cbm franchises. he doesn't need to face the wrath of those fandoms, he'll probably get enough from elvis and dune fans. (i mean, those who somehow don't like his performances.) glad you find me a chill person to talk to about this sorta stuff. i do have some strong opinions, but i'm always open to hearing other people's thoughts. :)

[spiked-mall-goth]

oh my godddd i forgot to give you all the stupid silly life updates after i came backkkkk ugh okay long post now.

these are out of order and i do not care.

went to my favorite used bookstore and came out with some really fun stuff! the lady at the counter is kinda new there and she is just so sweet i love her.

same day i went to half price books and got the first season of the muppet show on dvd!!! i was so excited abt that. i took it up to the counter and the guy working there was like 'shucks, i knew i should have bought it earlier lol. i want to get the whole show on dvd' and i may or may not have autism blasted this poor man with my extensive knowledge of the muppet show dvd releases. he was certainly not expecting me to go on for like two full minutes but he was nice about it :3 (i was killing myself forever for like two days bc whhyyyyyy cant i just be normal to people)

flea market!

very nice lady invited us out to her storage shed bc she recognized me and my brother, and asked if we wanted to go look at her old electronics before she put them out in the front of the store. guess what? i finally got a new vcr dvd combo playyerrrrrr!!!!!!!!! FUCKING YAY. the one in my room has been down since last JULY. so i am no longer menace in the living room!! it was for sure a gamble bc she said she had no idea if it worked or not, but thankfully it did and i got it for ten bucks!

was at my usual dvd store and got a good handful of movies! he recently started selling other things too, like old collectables and shit, so he has a nice glass counter set up. so i go up to the counter to pay and i look down to see an elvira midnight madness giant gila monter tape. so i was like uhhhhhmmm.. how much is she.? and he was like four dollars you interested? and i was like um yea yes please. problem is i always pay in quarters and i need to get some bills out of my wallet. so i just kinda plop my handful of quarters (like five dollars worth) on the counter like sorry about the quarters... and as i was pulling out my wallet he goes 'oh no i dont mind. they all spend. besides i put all of ur quarters in a jar back here' AND THEN PULLED OUT ONE OF THOSE BIG ASS MASON JARSSSSSS. OH MY GOD. anyways... he also started telling me about the two SEPARATE times hes met cassendra peterson.

also i got a coca cola drinking glass. this is not really exciting but it is to me so im mentioning it.

i went to go see the new ghostbusters in theaters! it sucked really badly! also i forgot that ghostbusters is just always lying dormant in my autism brain. please help i am drowning in ghostbusters rn

I GOT A VERY FUN BOOK IN THE MAIL!!!!!!!! ITS A BEHIND THE SCENES MAKING OF BOOK ON HELLRAISER III HELL ON EARTH!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE ITS SO MUCH FUN TO READ OH MY GOD!!! PLUS IT CAME WITH A HELLRAISER BOOKMARK WITH A FILM STILL IN IT!!!! SO COOL EXPLODING FOREVER

speaking of hellraiser iii, my older brother is going to help me digitize my vhs tape so i can then burn it on a cd so i can watch it forever!! i cannot handle the concept of my tape wearing down and losing my special version forever. so i would like to have him preserved b4 it gets to that point.

had birthday dinner last night lol. (my birthday was in january). but it was good!! i went to this little china cafe i grew up eating at, and then we went to the most specialist grocery store!! yayyyyy!!! i got a donut that im eating tonight and a cherry coke and it was so much fun <3 <3. i came home and finished btvs s5 while eating my left over cream cheese rangoons. it was such a good night <3 <3

while i was out last night we went to the dollar store (to purchase said cherry coke) and there were these two sisters in line with their mom, doing sisterly things making fun of each other yada yada. i really wasnt paying attention i was waiting for my younger brother to meet me upfront so i could pay. and then i hear 'noooo!! its not emo!! shes a goth!!' and the older sister is like 'its all the same!' and then younger one was like 'NO ITS NOT!!! i know shes a goth i know it!!!!'. it was so funny i started like laughing in the store, they were like 10-14 and possibly making fun of me but idc. made my day

at one of my favorite thriftstores, they have a new employee. the first time i met her i wasnt quite ready for her to just walk up to me and be like. 'your cool i can tell, i saw a pair of shoes earlier i think you might like' and then walked me over to show me these like fucking gorgeous black studded boots and i was like mouth agap like nooooooooo i wear a size TWELVE in womens shoes :(( and she was like ugh me toooooo i woudlve bought them myself but i wouldve had to remove a few toes lol. and then just walked off ?? i am getting better about talking to strangers in public, but i am still never like ready for it. so anyways, i come back a few weeks later and she sees me and is like HEY! and came over and started chit chatting with me, sh ewas telling me how she used to dress like me in the 80s and how much fun she had and stuff. and im just sitting there looking at this like 50yo christian woman like 'hwuh' bc i cannot stress to you enough that this woman talks faster than light and is so full of energy. and she was telling me about all of her old favorite clothes diys because 'you look like you make your own clothes' and all this stuff. and then she walked off and a few minutes later she came back with her phone and showed me a picture of her in like a full steampunk get up???? like corset and goggles and hat and very large hair and makeup and was like 'yeah this is what i dress like in my spare time, cant commit to full time dress anymore'. idk i just want to all to know that i love this woman so much shes the best.

far less fun my depression nest is back :(( i wanna clean it out but OUCH my legs have been hurting for like eveeerrrr

house sat :Db !! was locked up in a house by myself with a bottle of wine, half a bottle of tequila, a flask of whiskey, a vibrator, and tubi.com . i had a very good time! (also i got paid $130 and food for my four day total stay)

uuhhmmm trying to think if anything else fun happened while i was gone...

i had tacos for dinner! mmm yum!!

OH YEAH I HATE LIVING IN THE SOUTH WHAT THE FUCK. our sink water has smelled and tasted like wet dog for almost a month now. we have a water filter that at least makes the water not smell or taste but there is no WAY that is safe to drink. we had to buy on of those big ass water jugs to wash our dishes with. showers have to be kept to a minimum and we've been relying on hand sanitizer to keep our hand as clean as possible. yes we have called the water company MULTIPLE times. they insist our water is fine <3

i finally got new glasses!!!! i can see now! my prescription doubled in my right eye only! my left literally went up just enough to need a new lens.

okay i think thats long enough lol. love yooouuu mwah mwah mwah

[bookwyrminspiration]

upon reading ur posts ev was right babel WILL kick the diaspora feelings into full force. rip but also yk.... kind of interesting to think abt if u don't mind me spilling into your askbox quil!!! it is weird for me bc i know like even though i am diaspora i am also DIFFERENT from most of the diaspora ik because my parents also grew up here and are very american while also being very cambodian/chinese and honestly i should ask my mom about it, hmm... i'm not sure if my dad thinks about it often but i remember him telling me that the only reason he survived the khmer rouge was that his yeay (grandmother!) taught him khmer because he originally only knew mandarin and it's always been something i've thought about? going from mandarin being the first language to khmer to then english. and my mom knowing like. um fuckin four languages? khmer and mandarin and cantonese and chao zhou? GOATed for real haha, i want to learn that many languages someday.

I don't mind at all! Different ethnic background, but I think I can understand in part; even as american as I am Babel kinda tore me into shreds and forced me to look at several things I generally avoid looking at because they're painful and I can't do anything about it. Like the loss of language. And separation, being foreign in a land that in a different life could've been home. Being unfamiliar with your own history and ancestry.

This is not to say I have at all suffered to the extent of the characters, as I do belong in american society. There are struggles within that (like being queer) but at the end of the day I'm acknowledged as having a place here, and a privileged one at that. There are just certain aspects that remind me of my and my father's lives.

But it's lovely that your parents have retained their culture to an extent, I hope you also get that exposure and knowledge passed on to you. I have to admit I don't know enough about the khmer rouge to truly understand the meaning and extent of what you're saying in regards to your father, but the progression of languages is something I can understand thinking about. Slightly related, I think about my dad's native language being Spanish but him losing it when his parents separated and therefore being unable to share that with my sister and I all the time.

I'd also love to be someone who knows a lot of languages someday--I've made some progress, but I'll have to dedicate myself a lot more. And ngl reading Babel is inspiring me to, like GOD I want to know languages like that--because even though I'm only fluent in one of the 4 languages I've studied, knowing multiple undeniably helped understand some of what the book said. Because like, I get what they mean about the understanding of each language and what you lose in translation. Beyond comprehending the words I can recognize that feeling when I'm using other languages and how it inhabits this other space of understanding.

Anyway, should you read it I hope you enjoy the book, and I'm kinda losing my train of thought because there's so much to think about in regards to topics like these, so I'm sure I've skipped and missed things unintentionally, but I do love talking about it, its very cathartic <3