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fumifooms · 27 days

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Dungeon lord Chilchuck

What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.

When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.

Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).

— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.

— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".

What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldlr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.

— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.

— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.

On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal w his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.

Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).

Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.

You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…

The actual headcanons finally

I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.

Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.

The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…

But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.

A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…

I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…

Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:

@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!

And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~

In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3

A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.

… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end

#Dungeon meshi #chilchuck tims #Analysis #dungeon lord chilchuck #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Wish we could put just parts of a post under a ‘click to read more’ box that scrolls open and closes neatly #Bc 3/4th of the post is just extra explanation for ppl who don’t See The Vision already but like that’s not what i wanted most of the post #to be really gdbdg #Headcanons #You could say the family also represents something he’s built up with how own hands. If he has self-worth issues and thinks he’s a screw-up #in the virtue/honor and likability department especially— his family destroyed/killed also represents the one biggest good thing #he’s done/created crumbling also. Like his wife leaving without a word while he trusted their relationship this can hugely impact #one’s sense of identity and self-worth and what you’re living life for. In his case it’s not too surprising he turned to simple #physical pleasures for comfort and enjoyment. Like with tasting good food having moments feeling good keeps you going #He always focuses on the bad relationships bring and never the good aghhhh #The reverse of Marcille who often idealizes. They both ignore problems in their relationships in opposite ways.#What do you mean why do i bring up marcille. Okay yes this’ll get a marchil Fumiku short brainstorm reblog as well #Chilchuck is so… curse of having feelings and not realizing the extent of them. Underestimating how much you care #It’s either ‘i’m fine who cares’ or falling into the pits of despair and blaming himself n spilling his whole bag no inbetween #Dunmeshi succubus #Fumi rambles #boy that’s what this boils down to i suppose #Family angst “Hey I came back home from work and i’m tired so don’t talk to me about problems or anything k? I’m here to relax smh damn”#< unwilling to admit he has issues he should be working on or that some things are affecting others negatively #Chil you are so enneagram 6w7 <3

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chaosduckies · 4 months

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Restoration (Chapter 13)

The last chapter is here everyone! In honor of pride month, I give you this. This amazing chapter that is easily one of my favorites to write. I hope you all enjoy! I promise these two won’t be gone for forever though :D

Word Count: 3.6k

CW: None!

———13———

Four Months Later

———Nathan———

I stared up at the stadium lights above while the school principal and superintendent were talking to the many parents sitting in the stands. I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying. Something about our class and graduation. I didn’t care all too much. Only that I could go home after this and wake up the next morning without having to worry about school ever again.

Ryker kept me cupped in his hands much like the other people sitting beside him were, waiting until we could get up and receive the piece of paper that officially states that we’ve graduated high school. As soon as the many, many speeches were done, they finally started letting the rows in front of us stand up and walk up the steps to the removable platform.

And soon enough, it was our rows turn, walking in a single line, and getting handed the piece of paper. I held mine close, smiling the entire way back to our chairs. I did it, mom. All of this was for her and dad in the first place. Though, I would’ve never seen today if it weren’t for Ryker.

We moved the strings attached to our caps to the left while everyone started cheering loudly. I had to cover my ears while I laughed and looked back up to Ryker, who was laughing and waving to his siblings that were in the stands. Today was a great day. And a sad one. Tomorrow I would wake up the next morning and have no one to talk to. But that was okay. I shouldn’t bother Ryker anymore. No matter how many times he’s made me laugh even after my mother passed away. No matter how many times he’s given me almost exactly what I’ve needed for so long, I knew today would be the last day I would get to talk to him.

Everyone had started to head home while Ryker met up with his siblings, getting hugged and congratulated. I did too, just minus the hugging part. It was hard to have a smile on today since my mom was supposed to be here, but I did anyways. I just hoped she was looking at me right now.

“So I’ll see you at home in a few?” Jasmine asked, taking Isabelle’s hand and giving me a teasing side eye. Apparently everyone alone with her was worried about me after what had happened and just tried their best to help me out. They knew what it was like. And now, Jasmine doesn’t glare at me anymore or give me empty threats. If anything, she’s the complete opposite of what I first thought of her. We’ve become pretty good friends.

“Yeah.” Ryker replied, waving them off while walking back into the school and letting me slide off his hand. What was he doing?

“Hey, um, wanna just change back into your clothes? I’ll take you back after.” Ryker told me as I nodded, heading into the nearby restrooms to take off the black gown and fold it neatly into the cap. I sighed, getting ready to say goodbye to him in just a few minutes before he drops me off at the bus stop.

I walked back out, seeing that he had already folded his clothes nicely and put on his signature hoodie. I climbed back onto his waiting hand as he grinned. That was… interesting. What was happening? I didn’t know, but I just carried on, still saddened by the thought of saying goodbye.

We walked outside the school, walking down the sidewalk, but not taking the turn to the bus stop he usually does. I looked up at him worriedly, “The bus stops over… there.” I pointed back to the street as he just innocently smiled at me. Oh. Where was he taking me then? I wasn’t too worried honestly, but still. I wanted to know.

After about a silent ten minute walk with no sound except the crickets and faint cars in the distance, we had arrived at the same coffee place he had taken me to months before. Didn’t he say he works here?

“I thought you were taking me back home.” I told him, confusion lining my voice. He shook his head, “I said I’d take you back after. I never said after what.”

There was a loop hole? Why were we even at this coffee shop in the first place? I couldn’t exactly argue with him, and I didn’t exactly mind it either. It just means I get a few extra minutes before leaving. How could I argue with time? I didn’t know whether to like the fact my heart was beating faster and faster, or to hate it. All I did know was that I was excited because he wanted to spend the last few minutes of the night with me.

We sat down at the exact same table when we had first came here. There were a few people, some even talking with the workers. I sat down at the human-sized table on top, facing Ryker while he scooted all the way down. I bit the side of my cheek as a woman with the cafe logo on her work outfit came with a notepad. Ryker laughed and greeted her like they were best friends while I didn’t pay attention all too much. I guess Ryker noticed and ordered for me. He knew what I liked anyways.

“Everything okay?” Ryker asked, his smile slowly falling as he lowered his head to get a better look at me. To be honest, not really, but I wasn’t going to let him worry about me anymore. Again, I can’t keep leaning on people.

“Yeah,” I nodded my head, “What are we doing here anyways?” My voice came out a little mumbled, but Ryker heard it all the same.

“Graduation present. For the both of us I guess.” Ryker shrugged his shoulders, but I could tell he was hiding something else. I had no idea, but I guess I’ll figure it out. Plus, I didn’t even think about bringing a present for him. Was I supposed to? No, no time to feel guilty.

The lady came back around again, handing us our drinks and telling Ryker that she’ll see him tomorrow night for work while he laughed and nodded. I don’t know why I felt so insecure right now, but I just did. Instead of dwelling on that, I took a sip of my hot chocolate and stared out the small window next to us covered by fake vines and flowers. I wish I had more time…

“Nathan?”

I jumped at the mention of my name, nearly spilling some of my drink on me. Ryker chuckled softly above, a slightly sad smile on his face.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re jumpier than usual.” His free hand cupped behind me, but never touched. What was he trying to do? I have zero idea, but I shouldn’t waste what little time I had. I didn’t want him to leave. But I knew he would anyways. Maybe it would be a good thing if he does? No, no it will not. It really wouldn’t be.

“Yeah, I promise. I’m just a little tired.” I shrugged it off, taking another small sip. Ryker did the same, looking outside the small window. I sighed, internally crying while watching a few people walk on the sidewalk outside. Didn’t Ryker have to get home? It was already about to be ten, and we were getting drinks and sitting down together. Shouldn’t he be with his family? He just graduated too.

“What are you gonna do now that we’re out of high school?” Ryker asked, setting his cup down and resting his head on his crossed arms in front of me. I fidgeted a little before sighing and shrugging my shoulders, “I didn’t h-have a plan. Just get a job and hope for the best?” I nervously laughed.

“What about you?” I asked, seeing him think about his answer.

“Watch my siblings? I, um, can’t exactly go to college if I still have to watch over everyone.” Ryker laughed sadly. My heart sank. That’s not exactly fair. I think he deserves to go to college if he wants to. If I could I would help him, but I already know he wouldn’t let me. He’ll be leaving soon anyways. I’ll just be another name he remembers after today.

“I-I think you should.” I cheered him on while he blinked a couple of times, laughing along with me.

“Thank you, but It’ll be hard if I go. I can’t keep up with everything all the time.” Ryker replied, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. My heart throbbed. If only I could help. But I was just small. I mean, I can’t even get around their house anymore without any help. What makes me think I can handle taking care of five other kids while Ryker was focusing on college? I breathed out a shaky breath, my slightly trembling hands reaching for the little mug filled with hot chocolate. Just a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes before all of this goes away.

It stayed silent for a while. Be both had finished our drinks, there were only three other people here besides us to in the café. I didn’t want to leave. I did all of this for my parents, and now it’s going away. I made friends, I graduated, heck, I’m not even that scared of giants anymore. Well, maybe a little, but I was more talking about Ryker and his siblings. But I did all of this for them because they wanted me to live a normal life, and yet, I still can’t. What do I do?

“Nathan, are you sure you’re okay?” Ryker asked again, pushing his cup to the edge of the table.

“Mhm.” I nodded my head, doing the same as him and trying my best to keep the smile on my face going.

“Would you mind if I take you to one more place? It’s like a five minute walk from here.” Ryker asked, a slightly worried expression on his face. I shook my head, standing up out of my seat and waiting for Ryker to do the same. I climbed onto his waiting hand, sitting in the middle just as usual while I tried not to look down at the terrifying drop below me. I sighed, bringing my knees closer to my chest and burying my head. Did it really have to end?

——————

The walk was short just as he had said. It was a tiny park. It looked sort of abandoned. The grass looked like it hadn’t been cut for a while, there were some short vines latching onto the poles of the swing set and little parts of the slide. The lights were dim here, but it felt nice. The slight breeze that just barely ruffled my hair, how quiet this place was. How come no one fixes this place up? I feel like more people would come here if it looked a little nicer.

“I know it’s nothing special, but my parents used to bring me and my siblings here almost everyday after school,” He breathed, crossing his legs while sitting on a nearby bench, “It doesn’t look perfect, but it still has some great memories.”

I looked up, seeing how he smiled while looking at the park that was now covered in overgrown plants. My face heated up as I caught myself staring, turning back around and studying the sight. It doesn’t look bad at all. I liked it here. I liked everywhere Ryker has taken me. To that café, the little store that we went to just a few weeks ago, here. I sucked in a shaky breath, wiping away the loose tears that fell down my cheeks. I won’t get this feeling anymore…

“Ryker…” I tried my hardest to say it without him catching on that I was holding back tears, but of course he knew. He always did anyways.

“What’s wrong?” He held me a little closer to his face. I just shook my head, making sure he wouldn’t be able to see the water in my eyes. What was wrong with me? Why was I even crying?

I shook my head, biting the bottom of my lip. Why did he bring me here? Why did I say yes to this even? Why was I holding back my tears? I’ve tried preparing myself for months. I knew he was going to leave, and I’ve accepted that fact. So why was it so hard to believe it?

Ryker cupped his hand a little more. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I don’t care. I was going to cherish what little time I had left with him. He’s given me these happy feelings I haven’t felt in such a long time. The memories. Why did it all have to be stripped away from me again?

“Hey now, it’s alright, it’s alright. What’s going on?” Ryker tried comforting, a bit of a worried expression on his face. A couple tears fell down my face as I prepared my question that I needed an answer to.

“A-are you, um, g-going to l-leave me?”

A few second of silence was thrown between us as my heart threatened to jump right out of my chest. Ryker blinked a couple times before a soft smile appeared on his face, “What makes you think that?”

My heart was beating faster. Was that a yes or a no? I couldn’t tell. I brought my knees closer to my chest as I searched for my response. I was terrified. Not of Ryker, but of what the answer to this question. But my mind was already set on his answer, and I knew it could be entirely true.

“B-because I’m… me? I-I’m small and insignificant to you. Y-you don’t need me.” I buried my head again, covering my head with one of my arms and listening for his response. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to hear the words. Could I reverse time? Change everything that I’ve done to get to this point? Maybe then this wouldn’t be so hard.

“I don’t remember saying any of that,” Ryker held me a little closer, “Nathan, little guy, it’s okay. I promise I don’t think anything like that of you. I’m not leaving, okay?”

My heart stopped beating for a second as I peeked out, seeing his trademark smile. He meant it. He really did. I wiped away my loose tears, a nervous smile on my face. Now I was embarrassed. This was dumb. I was just being dumb. I thought I was getting the hang of controlling my thoughts, but apparently not. But still, my heart was beating fast. I was relieved at his answer.

“Well now I f-feel stupid.” I softly laughed, facing him while on my knees. I stared down at his palm, trying to calm my own heartbeat down. It wasn’t really working, but Ryker was just as patient with me as he always has been.

“It’s not stupid. I get it. A lot of people leave after they graduate. It’s fine.” Ryker explained, sighing and leaning back into the bench we were both on. I did the same, still wondering what we were doing here. My heart was still beating fast, but I finally had my answer, and that’s all I needed. Nothing else. I wouldn’t be alone anymore. Or at least for now.

“Nathan, could you turn around real quick?” Ryker had asked, fixing his position a bit. I did as he asked, almost immediately met with his lips softly being pressed against me. I fell on my back from the slight push, my cheeks flushing a bright red and my heart somehow beating faster than before. It was over before I knew it as I quickly sat back up, my body a little shaky as my hand went through some of my hair, a little surprised at the gesture. Did Ryker just kiss me?

My cheeks flushed a deep red, seeing Ryker a little worried but also blushing just as much as I was, “S-sorry, I-I’ve never… kissed a human. I-I, um, didn’t hurt you, right?”

A little squeak came out of my mouth. He kissed me. What do I do? Does that mean he likes me? I’m so confused. I mean I liked him. A lot. Am I mistaking my feelings for friendship? If that were true then why was my heart beating right out of my chest? Why was I blushing this much? I’ve never felt like this with anyone in my entire life. All I knew was that kiss was probably the best thing I’ve experienced in my entire life.

“N-no.” My voice came out like a whisper as I tried my best to stand up on wobbly legs on his hand. I bit the side of my cheek wondering if this was the right move, but all I knew was that this is what I wanted. All along. The way my heart would flip every time he said my name, or the way he would smile at me and his siblings. I was just so confused about it.

Ryker was confused at what I was trying to do before I stood on my toes, trying to return the gesture, even if he can’t feel it. He lowered his face as I planted a short kiss on his lips the same he did to me, hoping he would get it. My legs gave out on me as I backed away, seeing Ryker bite the bottom of his lip soon after he felt me back away.

I couldn’t think of anything else. Did he even know? Instead, a happy smile formed on his face as I tried to hold back a little laugh. I can’t believe we just did that. I can’t believe that this was even happening. This could all be some happy dream I’m having, but I knew it wasn’t. It felt real.

“I’m not… dreaming, right?” Ryker had asked, his face still a flush of red that was slowly going down. I shook my head, my heart beating amazingly fast. Good to know I wasn’t the only one who thought they were dreaming. But what do we do now? I’ve never been like this before.

“Do you want to go to your house now?” Ryker had asked, pursing his lips as he planted his shoes on the ground, getting ready to go. No. I didn’t want to go to my house anymore.

“Y-yours?” I smiled, in hoped that he’ll say yes. He laughed and nodded, taking the sidewalk back to his house.

——————

The lights were off in his house as he quietly walked to his room. He placed me down on his nightstand where all of my makeshift stuff was. He never threw them away. Just for me. What are we now? Are we still friends? I don’t even know how this works.

Ryker took off his hoodie, put on different shirt before turning on his lamp on his desk and turning off his lights. I stayed where I was at, wondering what I do now. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I don’t know how these things work. I don’t even know what to do. Was that bad?

“Are you tired?” Ryker asked, sitting down on his bed while moving the covers and pillows to the way he likes. I shook my head, I wasn’t really, no. Not after what had just happened a few minutes ago. I was still a little confused, but at the same time happy. He really wasn’t going to leave me.

“Well, I’m not really either.” Ryker laughed, bringing two fingers up to the part of his lower lips that I had kissed. Or at least tried to. I blushed a little. Was that bad?

I climbed onto Ryker’s offered palm as he sat up against the head of his bed. I was covered by one of his hands like a blanket while also laying on his chest. Oh my heart will never get a break today- But I wasn’t saying that it was bad. If anything, today was the best day of my life. Nothing could change that.

“Comfy?” Ryker laughed as I listened to his heartbeat, controlled and normal unlike my own. I didn’t know how to deal with any of this. I just snuggled up closer, hoping that it was fine. I was guessing it was when Ryker slid down, his head now resting on a pillow and his legs bent. Who knew that about a year ago I would have thought this was crazy to even think about doing, and yet, here I was. I was actually happy.

“You wouldn’t mind if I moved you, right?” Ryker had asked a hint of worry in his voice.

“No.” I answered, getting in a better position for him to move me in. I would move myself if I had known where he wanted me, but anything that I was thinking of was not what he was thinking. And it only made my brain fry for just a few seconds.

He lightly pinched me between two fingers, giving me another lighter kiss that practically covered my entire body before laying me back down. He laughed while I laid there, brain fried and flustered. I giggled a bit, snuggling closer and shutting my eyes. I’m glad to know that he likes me the same way I like him.

Maybe I don’t wish to reverse time after all.

——————

*Starts crying uncontrollably*

Thank you to everyone who’s read through all 13 chapters and stuck with me for so long! I appreciate every single one of you❤️

My first story is done though! Just in time for pride month too if you know what I mean :D Don’t worry, because I will definitely write some little scenes with these two in the future. How could I just throw these two away? NEVER.

Thank you everyone for reading, and I hope you enjoy whatever the next story will be. (I totally don’t already have characters and done some world building-) But thank you everyone!

Taglist: @da3dm

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