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#your fault if you got this far
inkskinned · 9 months
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
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What if... Who Killed Markiplier... but it's Ace Attorney Investigations...
"Ace District Attorney Investigations", if you will.
(Everything you see here was drawn by me, with some backgrounds/that one evidence photo being either screenshots from the show, or edits of official photographs of Mythea Castle, where WKM was filmed)
#who killed markiplier#wkm#ace attorney investigations#wkm fanart#wkm district attorney#captainsona#captain yona masters#''a burgundy-wearing prosecutor teaming up with a kooky detective? now why does that sound familiar- OH YEAH!''#anyway you guys ever notice that the da from what we're shown is a pretty piss-poor investigator?#they just kinda wander around aimlessly and allow people to shoo them away before offering up any information#like their alibis or lack thereof#it doesn't exactly help that wkm is a choose your own adventure without any choices#and I know mark's team was limited on budget and time or whatever and they meant for it to be more involved than what we got!#it's not their fault!#but still you can't deny that what we got isn't very satisfying as far as murder mysteries go#and I don't feel all that compelled to pretend otherwise!#so in the version of wkm that exists in MY head#da!yona is going to take the prospect of solving her dear friend's murder SERIOUSLY goddammit!#(the conclusion she's gearing up towards in the last two pictures#is that the party was a cover for mark's plan to kill the colonel; but it obviously backfired and mark wound up getting killed instead)#(that's her theory. as we all know it's not /quite/ accurate to what really happened but it's pretty close!)#(obviously she's unaware of any supernatural element to the whole thing at this point)#(or heck maybe in this version of events there actually isn't a supernatural element at all and she's right. I haven't decided)
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uncanny-tranny · 9 months
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Two things that are simultaneously true:
1. Gender and sexuality are complex and can be fluid. An identity isn't always fixed and can change with time for many reasons
2. It is not acceptable to force others to change their gender or sexuality and the mantra that they (queer people) can change if they only "try hard" is both cruel and homophobia and/or transphobia
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#homophobia#homophobia tw#transphobia#transphobia tw#when i first came out as trans i was told this story about how my dad's therapist had a lesbian client with homophobic parents...#...how her parents were *so close* to coming to terms with her lesbianism and she got a boyfriend and look! she changed so why couldn't you!#the thing that was so fucked up about that story was that it was presented as 'oh you don't know who you are! you'll change!'#and i was never listened to until i went 'so far' in my transness that changing was impractical...#...it never enforced that my sense of self is dynamic but that who i was is something to be 'fixed'#i think a lot of queer people are hostile to the idea of gender/sexuality fluidity because it's framed in such a way...#...that tells them that their queerness will eventually be 'cured'...#...so any notion of 'identity can be fluid' reads like 'your queerness is a flaw and a horrible thing'...#...but that's not the solution to people whose identity has fluctuated and changed...#...it isn't their fault that queerphobes latched onto them as 'case studies' to prove that queerness is curable...#...a queerphobe would latch onto ANYTHING in order to prevent you from living...#...'oh lesbians married men in order to protect themselves? why can't you do that?! why must you insist on marrying a woman?!'...#...that's an example of how they'd just latch onto something else if 'identity is dynamic' didn't exist#the context of 'identity is dynamic' is often one of the most important factors in if it is meant as queer-afirming or not ime
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fellhellion · 9 months
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i don't personally agree with the perspective that "miguel NEEDS to partially correct about canon events, otherwise he's a villain" because like. setting aside the issue of possibly naturalising the irl choices writers made (e.g. fridging gwen) through the concept of 'canon events', to me defining miguel's morality comes down to two questions:
What is Miguel's intent when pursuing his goal? <- it's unambigiously heroic. he desires to save people. and -
Can I plausibly understand how he has come to the belief system (and therefore goal) he has? Yes. I can understand why, when viewing the things he did (universal patterns of suffering between spidermen & the trauma of that dimension collapse), he came to the conclusion he did.
Keep in mind the other bits of information we and the characters are working with are:
Anomalies seem to affect the world they're in (Vulture appears to affect the Guggenheim's structure w glitches)
They're also in danger of dying if they don't have a stabaliser like the watch
But say for the sake of argument Miguel is completely wrong about breaking canon and doing so would not endanger anyone and the alt dimension collapsed for reasons utterly out of Miguel's knowledge or control. That still doesn't negate the heroic intent he operated by nor his desire to save people.
What "How much or little is Miguel correct?" affects is how tragic it makes Miguel's guilt and the moral concessions he feels that guilt about. Whether you would argue for it being needlessly tragic or bleak is another conversation entirely but how correct he is about what damage canon events cause doesn't actually change the fact he operated on sincerely good and heroic intentions.. And I think atsv already sets up that last point in an understandable manner.
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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sweetest-honeybee · 1 year
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them having you chill on the side is how they lure you in with a false sense of hope of "it's really not that bad!~" DON'T FALL FOR IT--
but deadass i remember it was like that the first day i was a carhop at sonic, thought it wasn't too bad. literally the next day i had over a 100 separate orders i took out. i worked there for 2 weeks then gave a 2 weeks cause i was too scared to just quite outright LMAO (was my first job at 17)
best of luck to you, and am sending all the good vibes that you get a better opportunity elsewhere!!! 💛🏵
EXACTLY and I fuckin KNOW they’re making it look easier. I’m not quick enough yet to handle a line of people and that’s fine but they haven’t trained me for it yet
The funniest thing is is that so many people quit ALL at he time there and people would keep saying those people who quit were just too lazy and the workload was too hard and blah blah blah
It’s NOT. The “workload” is running around in the same open room or to the kitchen unless you spend your time in the cooler. The main managers just an ass and I have the strongest feeling she’s run out people by being an asshole to them because the second I saw the way she handled me accidentally letting a dude walk out without paying, I knew there and then that I wasn’t gonna be working there long be it that she fired me for the stupidest gd reason or I quit
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im-smart-i-swear · 7 months
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insane deranged person voice so i think shiro is a wolf and kuron is a dog. you agree
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emry-stars-oc · 7 months
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First meeting possibly? 👀
I don’t know anything about their storyline yet but you know what’s funny. So far amongst my ideas this isn’t even the rockiest start to a relationship, specifically for Bo 🫡
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madd-nix · 3 months
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never gonna be enough for my dad
#vent#rant#me talking#i keep trying to put in applications and he says i need to do even more acting as if it's my fault that im not getting hired#as if im not trying hard enough#and on the rare occasions that i do get an interview#which have so far all led nowhere#then he just tells me to keep looking while i wait to hear anything and that even if i do get a job#i still need to keep looking for better and better careers#and when i finally was able to do a commission he just said 'cool then do more keep going'#first of all i need to wait for clients#and second of all cant you say youre proud that i was able to do one? that i was able to make a little extra money?#no of course he can't#it's always about moving on to the next thing and pushing myself more#oh yeah and i got my hair cut the other day#and sure i did tell the hair stylist to get it as close to a full buzzcut without being an actual buzzcut#cuz dad refuses to let me buzz my own hair and im too tired to argue at this point despite being an adult#but when he saw it i could tell he didnt like it#he gave the vague 'oh well it's different! showing more forehead. i liked it better when you had longer bangs but thats just me...'#nothing i do pleases him#im tired of it#and i dont know how to tell him that he's part of the reason i constantly feel like a fucking failure#and there have been times where i'll see a car approaching me as i drive to work and for a split second i wonder what would happen#if i hit it hard enough to kill me. then i wouldn't have to disappoint my dad anymore#although knowing him it would still be a disappointment cuz i fucked up driving so much#but i never actually consider doing it#obviously id never want to hurt the other person and if i simply swerved instead to hit a tree#where only id die#i couldnt just let myself die when i have so many others that i care about#but anyway sorry this is a lot i have a headache i promise im not gonna hurt myself it just sucks rn
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midmorningsong · 5 days
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fuck meee I got some brainworms at work thinking about a trigun game of thrones au (when house targaryen is ruling westeros because dragons make story go brrr), and just opened a wee word document to throw up some bullet points for this 'WW being Vash's sworn shield in this politically uneasy time' short story, then I blink and it's been 2hrs, I'm dehydrated, there's 10 tabs open about various GOT lore and locations, the document has become two pages long with character backgrounds, motivations and storybeats. sending out a flare for help rn
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every time i think the "staff can do no wrong and any form of complaining or expressing literally anything other than "yaaay love it <3" with no further comments is bashing and literally evil we should never say anything that could even potentially be interpreted as mildly critical ever because ~some artist who worked hard on this is probably reading the forums and might feel bad if we ever express anything but praise~ also we must be constantly positive at all times unless we're passive-aggressively shaming someone for having an extremely polite and apologetically worded criticism and if you ask the staff for literally anything you had better be prepared to preface it with 3 paragraphs of apologizing for breathing air" attitude is bad on tumblr, i take one look at the forums, and holy fucking hell is it SO much worse on site
#i go for years at a time without ever bothering to look at fr forums#and then every time i do i remember why i stopped#it feels like a goddamned cult on there and every time i dip my toes i come out feeling slimy and sick#as if i just spent an hour being aggressively gaslit by my extremely manipulative grandmother#what the fuck is wrong with everyone#i'm glad i decided to keep this creepy fucking fandom at arm's length and mostly just lurk years ago#that place is not a healthy environment for anyone to be in#flight rising#legitimately the single worst fandom i've ever had the misfortune of being adjacent to#and in such a creepy and insidious way too#they'll call you an entitled whiny baby to your face and then convince you it's your fault and you're a horrible person for feeling offende#it feels like being neck deep in the absolute worst kind of preformative sj spaces#you know the ones where everyone interacts primarily via callout posts and there's discourse over if crossdressing is cultural appropriatio#that kind of toxic sj space type energy#but somehow combined with like this weird feeling of being in a mormon church in a deep south town#where all the “nice grandmas” will try to put poison in your food if they find out you're gay or voted blue even one time#and it's somehow gotten SO much worse since the last time i looked on there#they've got people literally apologizing for existing what the fuck how is this normal to any of you people#this is so far beyond toxic positivity it's like. crossbred with passive-aggression and shaming and metastatized into something new entirel#it's terrifying. i hope flight rising never shuts down just so that whatever the fuck this is can stay semi-contained.#pro tip: the more a fandom is universally convinced it's Wonderful and Welcoming the faster you should run the other way#actually good fandoms don't have to constantly reassure themselves and everyone that they're great and perfect and toxicity-free#nor do they react with immediate borderline violence to the slightest suggestion there might be anything wrong with the fandom culture#anything wrong other than “people like you who think there's something wrong with our perfect community” anyway#on that note also any fandom that insistently calls itself a “community” just. yeah. no.#get out while you still can.#fandoms work on corporate logic if they're trying to convince you they're your family or friend that's not just a red flag#that's a whole damn red fabric store
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satonosuke · 9 months
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my mom is so infuriating
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isa-ah · 2 years
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👁️👄👁️
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marciliedonato · 9 months
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Don't ask:
- a man, his salary
- A woman, her age
- And a tumblrina (gn) who they voted for in the nge/moomin poll....
#Releasing this from the drafts bc the poll ends at 9pm today#It's been real y'all we go down gracefully it's been an honor fighting with y'all in the Eva trenches 🫡🫡#Also why are pitting 2 bad bitches against each other#Like do ppl realize when they say 'moomin is for queer people' the lead of Eva is also literally a depressed bi like!#He should be doing numbers here on the depressed gay site come on. Yeah it was doomed by the narrative#But what is Romance without tragedy. Like man. What a trope (only talking abt the story not the authors obv)#Imagine hearing 'maybe I was born to meet you' from a divine being who sees all your faults#And how much you hate yourself and loves you unconditionally and intensely from the moment he lays eyes on you... I'M GONNA BE UNWELL#Regardless. Times are tough but we stay silly :3 let me be silly for a moment with u it ain't serious#Wow anna said something#Anna's shitposts#Nge#Eva#I just think they're wildly different in how they approach themes and it's weird and complicated to even compare them#One is lighthearted and comforting the other feels like being crushed by a thousand elephants both are important#We got far we deserved better than to lose bc of a bit everyone was committed to but. It's respectable. It all returns to nothing or smth#Edit: the sidenote is to differentiate between the fact one is not known for being queer media but it does have that#Despite it being so small in the story (the show at least but it's significant) and the other#Is obv queer media bc of the author and it's not in the story as far as ik but it's an accepting/inclusive story#Why do u think it got so big and a character that appeared once became one of the biggest*. It obv meant smth to ppl#*to the point he appeared more in the rebuilds and is all over in merch. ANYWAY SORRY FOR RANTING IN THE TAGS I GOT PASSIONATE OK
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thevalleyisjolly · 2 years
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Being quietly but incredibly vindicated by Taliesin explicitly saying at the Comic-Con panel that bringing Molly back would have been wrong, that Molly’s whole deal was a celebration of the ephemeral, and that introducing Kingsley was always the plan.
#not maintagging this one because i simply don't have the strength for molly discourse now#yes! you can miss molly! a major recurring theme in cr is death and grief and mourning and healing#but it would be completely antithetical to the actual canon character to bring them back#if in your own headcanon or fic; you want to imagine a version of molly as alive; more power to you#but canon never 'owed' us a resurrected molly because actual canon molly would never stand for it#i feel like a lot of people got caught up in the excellent RP by the rest of the cast about their characters' grief for molly#and with death and in grief; you often idolize people; overlook their negative qualities and fixate on their good moments#which is not the fault of the cast (who RP-ed it excellently) or the characters (who mourned very realistically)#but a lot of people got caught up in those powerful emotions and it just contributed to the deification of the character#which led to real world nasty behaviours like shitting on caduceus and attacking fans who did anything other than praise molly#people really took the 'i am your god' JOKE a little too far#on a side note; you just known that if molly had lived; they'd have eventually clashed with the rampant biphobia in the cr fandom#right now they're the dead 'queer icon' (as if cr hasn't had multiple queer characters in all types of roles across all their campaigns)#but if they'd lived; how many people who now laud them as the pinnacle of queer rep would deny their bisexuality?#i thank blood maledict that we never had to witness the absolute nightmare that would have erupted if molly/jester ever became a thing
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tvrningout-a · 10 months
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[ 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐇 ] ― sender helps clean receiver after a long day / stressful situation // for kaiya!! maybe when she's covered in bruises too ;; make it a lil angsty
the five senses | @vonerde helps kaiya!
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her hands are trembling, but gaia's hands are warm and solid as she leads the demoness to her garden. they're the one thing keeping her teathered to this world, it feels like. it's as if her body is devoid of anything but air, as if she's been hollowed out. she feels empty, and it's odd. it's wrong.
how can she feel nothing when there is one less light in this world, and it's all her fault? how can she feel nothing when their blood stains her clothes, her face? how can she feel nothing when that slayer risked their life to keep her safe -- her, a demon a monster? how...
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those warm hands cup kaiya's cheeks, wipe blood and grim away with a soft cloth, yet she does not feel any cleaner. the demoness grabs gaia's hands, eyes finally focusing on her rather than empty space. " i can do it, " kaiya tells her. she doesn't quite recognize her own voice. " you... you were hurt, weren't you? we should... " her chest feels impossibly heavy now, like the absence of feeling has only made it worse. kaiya's words grow shakier as her vision blurs, and her grip upon gaia's hands tighten.
" we should take care of you first. i'm fine. " she's always fine. to fret and worry over her is such a waste -- to care so much as to put one's health after kaiya's is such a damn waste. her shoulders shake, a sob clawing its way out of kaiya's throat as she squeezes her eyes shut. " i'm really fine, gaia, so please--- please, can we..."
she can't get the rest out. it's too much. it's all too much.
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