#yuta friends to lovers au

[maedae-maedae]

Your Hands All Over My Guilty Conscience

☆ Okkotsu Yuuta x F!Reader

☆ Chapter 1/7

☆ Genre: Fluff & Smut, Mutual Pining

☆ Warnings: NSFW 18+

☆ Contents: Aged-Up Characters, College AU, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Obsession, Loyalty, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Drinking, House Party, Masturbation

☆ Word Count: 10.6k

☆ Summary: Linked at the hip as best friends since birth, you and Yuta have never once not been at eachother's side. Anyone who knew one of you, had to know the other. You made quite the reputation for yourselfs as an inseparable duo, throughout all your school years together. Yuta was committed to keep things this way, despite his secret feelings for you. He was strong-willed, keeping his longing emotions reined in and your relationship stable just the way it is.

But once the two of you graduate and enter university, this proves to be more difficult than Yuta anticipated. He finds himself in a whole other playing field. One that forces him to see and confront his feelings for you head-on. His once clean consciences regarding you, starts becoming more and more tainted. And worse, uni only seems to pull the two of you apart, something neither of you are used to. What is he supposed to do with all these new experiences and deep yearning for you?

☆ A/N: i actually wrote this chapter a while ago but didnt want to share until i had more planned out and written! hopefully next chapter is soon but this first one is probably longer than the ones following will be! think of it like a detailed opening introduction to the story.

warning: this story switches from fluff to smut/perverted a lot. might throw you off at times. also, HEAVY on the obsession tag. youre both obsessed with eachother but i really went over the top to express how crazy yuta is for you. hehe

Read on AO3

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Chapter 1 - Firsts

Yuta has a guilty conscience.

He’s known he was in love with you since high school. And aside from the painfulness that comes with an unreciprocated crush, he actually didn’t mind his feelings. He liked being head over heels for you. It was a privilege, he thought, to get to love you, even just to know you.

The two of you have been glued by the hip since birth practically. Your mom’s were best friends and somehow ended up pregnant at the same time, basically raising you two together. It really shouldn’t be a surprise the way he feels, after having you by his side all this time, how could he ever love someone else as deeply as he does you?

You were popular in high school, and people would only really acknowledge him in the way it related to you. “Y/n’s friend”. “That guy thats always with Y/n.” And, Yutas personal favorite, “Y/n’s boyfriend.” That one was always used in a way to tease you, and you would always refute it and scold whoever said it. But deep down it made him happy to be called that, and maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why at some point he started doing things in the hallways or the lunchroom to enforce that rumor. Very subtle physical affection that he was known for doing with you at this point. Fingers gently entangling with yours while the two of you talk about something by the window. It’s so gentle that you don’t even notice or mind, but anyone who was looking at you could see that you’re obviously holding hands, albeit weakly. The need to always be touching you in some way when you were together. Shoulders slumped into eachother while sitting together, pinkies wrapped while you sit on the school grass with friends, his hands grazing against yours when you walk side by side. He could never get enough of the little things. And yeah he did it for the rumors, so everyone would know that even if it wasn’t official, you were his. You were claimed already. No one could be this close with you and get away with it. But when you two were alone it was even better.

Yuta's love language was most definitely physical touch. You’ve always known that he likes to be physical, and that was just his way of showing he liked you. Platonically, in your eyes. When you’d hang out at each others house, he was still always connected with you in some way. Head in your lap as the two of you talk about some drama in your class. Arms around you from behind with his head on your shoulder as you finish a level of a game he already died in. Legs entangled in various ways under the kotatsu as you both do homework. It took many forms. It never bothered you luckily, in fact you’d long become accustomed to it. Even as kids Yuta was the same, and your moms used to eat it up and say you two would be married someday, taking a thousand one pictures of you for that reason.

It really was all innocence until sometime in high school when he had developed feelings. His physical affection never changed but the feeling and motive behind it might’ve. And sometimes he quite literally couldn't do some of the stuff he used to do when you were younger, because it would most definitely give him away now.

He’ll never forget the day it really changed for him. Playing video games with his arms around you like normal, but it wasn’t normal this time. His heart was beating, he was nervous. Looking up at you from your shoulder, he couldn’t get over how you look pretty from every angle. How cute were your reactions to every hit of damage you take in the game. Suddenly he’s incredibly aware of where his hands are sitting, how close you are, your warmth, your breathing, how good you smell. Something in his awareness heightens, like the flick of a switch, and he realizes that this is different. Different to what he thought it was. He also realizes how bad that is, and it makes his stomach drop. He went home early that day, but nothing ever changed. Only the way he felt.

After that day Yuta knew he had to be mindful with the way he acted with you, and even in the way he thought of you. He allowed himself to have loving thoughts of you, for they could always be rationalized in someway to be friendly. “You’re so pretty” could be followed by “so I cant believe none of the guys in class have confessed to you yet.” and “You have the most precious laugh” could be backed by “its no wonder why you have so many friends”. Stuff like that. What he wouldn’t allow and actively tried to avoid, were thoughts that could not possibly be platonic in any use of the word. Like sexual thoughts.

It was only natural. After becoming aware of his feelings and with the effects of maturing into a young adult he was bound to have thoughts like this. But he wouldn’t allow it, not even in your absence, in his own privacy. Of course he couldn’t fight sexual urges all together, but he did his very best not to think of you when he was doing something like that. And Yuta was very good at self-discipline, the reason why his test scores are the best in your grade. He was successful in pushing the thoughts away, avoiding seeing you in this new forbidden light. For a long time.

And everything was fine. You never suspected a thing from him, your friendship never changed, and you even ended up enrolling in the same university.

That’s where his trouble started.

College is a totally different experience from high school that he wasn’t quite expecting. And everything has been taking a toll on him lately.

When the two of you first start, everything’s fine. You already know a bunch of freshman from your school, but you’re also easy to make friends with a bunch of other people as well. Yuta mostly stays with your smaller friend group that you two had in highschool. Inumaki and Panda got into the same Uni as well, not to mention the boys ended up living together.

And Yuta has no real issue with you making new friends at all, of course he’s happy for you. You still like to have him with you all the time, even if you don’t have many classes together. So long as he can still have time with you, he’s happy. What starts to bother him is the way the guys around you stare. Men in uni are much different from high school. And most of the guys here have no idea about the rumors of you two, all his years of showing such a thing are now practically worthless. You don’t notice, but he always does. He hated the way they stare, as if undressing you with their disrespectful eyes, grinning and whispering to friends, probably making sly comments he can’t hear when they shouldn’t even have the right to take the slightest glance in your direction.

“Yuta?” You call to him from where you sit next to him in the dining hall. He just now realizes that he’d been staring down these two guys a couple tables away in his peripheral vision.

“Huh? Yeah?” He calls back to you, turning to look at you now.

“Is something wrong?“

“Huh? No, nothing.”

“Oh, okay… well, did you hear what I said?” You ask and his heart sinks a little. He wasn’t listening, he didnt even realize you were talking to him.

“No.. I’m sorry. Tell me again?” He offers, giving you his full attention now. You give him a smile at hearing his usual sweet tone of voice when he speaks to you. You love everything about the way he is with you.

“I was talking about a party I got invited to-“

“You were invited to a party?? But-“

“Yu, let me finish.” You tell him before he can start lecturing you about it being dangerous or something, as you’re positive he was going to. He pouts a little. Cute.

“It’s for freshman. An upperclassman invited me so I think it’s for all years, but I guess it’s more of a welcoming party.” You explain and Yuta only frowns more. Since when did you make friends with an upperclassman? He’s never seen you with one. And the thought of you being at a party with a bunch of drunk guys or just drunk people in general makes him nervous.

His fingers automatically find yours under the table. Without thinking he finds a way to connect with you. It may have been to calm himself down, or maybe to get your attention again so you could see that he’s clearly uncertain about this idea. He couldn’t say. It does get your attention though, and you give him a look of understanding as your fingers intertwine a bit more.

“I know college parties can be kinda crazy and all that, and I wouldn’t want to go alone anyways even if they weren’t. They said I could invite whoever I wanted so.. You guys wanna come?”

“Sure, I’m down.” Inumaki says, and Yuta had almost forgot his friends were there for a second.

“Oh, yeah! Our first college party! I’ll be there.” Panda grins and you smile at their agreement. Your gaze returns to Yuta again, and his to yours.

“I’m.. not really into parties but..” He starts and you look like you’re anticipating his agreement. “If you wanna go, of course I’ll go with you.”

You smile at him, sweet as ever. But you do feel a bit bad about the possibility that you’re forcing him. As much as you want him there, you don’t want him to be miserable going with you.

“You don’t have to, y’know. Just because I’m going. I wont make you.” You remind him and he smiles too now, nodding.

“I know. I want to.” He reassures you and you feel relieved at that. “Plus, I want to make sure you guys are all safe. It’s better to go with a group to stuff like this and have someone to look over everyone.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” Inumaki tells him. “I can’t drink.”

Right, Inumaki has a chronic condition that makes his throat very sensitive, of course he wouldn’t be allowed alcohol.

“And I have a high tolerance! I’ll be fine.” Panda informs too, and you all look at him like you’re suspicious of how he even knows that. He just smiles.

“Well, still. Being in one place with a ton of drunk people is dangerous on its own.” Yuta says anyways, going back to picking at his food.

You give him a knowing look.

“You can just admit you wanna come and have fun. It’s okay, we wont judge you.” You tease and the other two chuckle a bit.

“Well, maybe.” Yuta gives after a second of embarrassment by your call out. “But I’m mostly going for the other reason.”

You laugh at how cute he is, squeezing his hand before letting it go to hug him. He blushes in concession with both your adorable laugh and your warm embrace. His two friend wiggle their eyebrows at him as your back is to them and Yuta rolls his eyes at them. They are always contempt to tease him in silence. Yuta never even told them about how he feels, but he knows they just know. And he doesn’t mind. As long as it doesn’t get to you.

Agreeing to go to this party with you was probably both the best and worst thing he could’ve done. It would’ve been better if he could’ve talked you out of coming, but he knew from the beginning that wouldn’t be an option, and he wouldn’t want to control you.

When you first get there, the four of you are a bit awkward. Panda offers to take your first ever shot with you and somehow Yuta even agrees to do “just the one”. You take the hit pretty well, but you all burst out laughing when Yuta makes the most disgusted expression you’ve ever seen on him.

It’s sweet, even if embarrassing, the two of you having “first” moments together like this. It’s not long before your two friends are nowhere to be found, and Yuta can assume why they left you two alone. It’s also not long after that you’re convincing him to take another couple of shots with you, even though he hated the first one, he loved having these moments with you. He’d do anything with you. Even follow you to the center of the room to dance when he’s always known he’s not the best dancer.

When you’re dancing, quite a few people come up to you to talk, even just to say hello. You really know a lot of people. But it doesn’t bother him at all because even with everyone that comes by, you never once let go of his hand. And when your attention isn’t on him, he can freely admire you as much as he wants without having to be cautious about the way he looks at you.

He knows the alcohol is catching up to him a little when he starts to get needy. Any kind of connection with you is enough for him on a normal day, but right now he has the urge to be all over you, and it’s taking everything in him to keep it subtle.

You’re still talking to some girl he’s maybe seen a few times— he can’t recall, when he decides he needs your attention again. He pulls your hand towards him, but it doesn’t deter you from the loud  conversation you’re having, much more than a quick glance at him. On the inside it feels like he could start whining, begging for you to look at him, be with him in this moment. The music isn’t helping either, some seductive rnb song with vulgar lyrics pumping in his ears. He does something he’s never done before, without much thought to it either. His free hand reaches out and grabs your waist, gripping you tightly and pulling you towards him. You gasp and look at him with surprise. Even more surprised when you see the longing expression on his face. Your friend seemingly understands and leaves you two be, to Yutas relief.

He can’t stand the embarrassment he feels with the way you’re looking at him, but he also can’t bare to be apart from you at all anymore. He pulls you in, his arms wrapping around you, hands resting in a dangerous area. Any lower and this couldn’t be considered platonic at all. He bends over a bit so his head can nuzzle into your neck. He wants to feel you, all of you, even more than this. But he stops here.

“Yu…?” You say in a bit of a confused tone, right in his ear. A chill runs down his spine. Your hands had already come up to wrap around him as well, rubbing his back in a way that made him feel so warm.

“Mmve you.” He mumbles and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore.

“Hm?” You ask for him to clarify, voice smooth like honey, but he doesn’t say anything else. The two of you stay like that, starting to rock to the music when it’s clear that this is not just a hug.

It’s not like you look out of place at all, there are plenty of people around you doing something similar, even straight up making out.

“Yu.. look at me.” You tell him and he can’t help but comply. His head lifts up from your shoulder and he stands up a bit straighter to look at you.

“You okay??” You ask him sweetly and his heart races looking into your eyes. It’s too much for him. This is all too much.

He nods anyways, eyes closing and forehead coming to rest against yours.

He thinks you must be at least a little drunk too by the way your hands start to caress his back and sides. But he doesn’t even think about what you might be thinking about him being so clingy like this. He knows you don’t mind, that you understand, you always understand him. He loves you for it.

“You drunk already? Hmm??” You say and he doesn’t have to be looking at you to hear the smirk in your voice.

“I mean I expected it but you’re really a lightweight, huh?” You say to him and this time he opens his eyes to see you smiling.

“Of course I am.. this is my first time drinking.” Yuta says in basically a whine. Your heart races.

The thing Yuta doesn’t know, is that you’re obviously just as needy for him right now. You don’t think the alcohol has really gotten to you that much, and thank god for that honestly. But you love seeing him like this, it’s making you feel all types of things about him.

There’s a silence as he frowns. You tilt your head as if saying “what?” to him.

“I need to use the bathroom.” He tells you so bluntly that it makes you laugh. But before you know it you’re leading him to the bathroom, guiding him by the hand. Truth is, you don’t know where it is either, you’ve never been here. But you feel a sort of need to take charge for some reason. You find it pretty quickly anyways, and tell him you’ll wait outside.

Relieving himself proves difficult after having gotten half hard from what just happened. He’s lucky you didnt feel it, or maybe you did and you didn’t say anything. Who knows? Eventually he figures it out and gets back outside.

His heart sinks when he doesn’t see you. Glancing around frantically, he tries to look for any sight of you. Red, you were wearing red, that and any of your features that he’s so familiar with would be impossible to miss. He starts pushing past people, anxiously looking for where you might’ve gone. It’s maybe 20 minutes later when he finally finds you, in the kitchen. After the relief washes over him, he realizes that the anxiety looking for you definitely sobered him up already.

He wasn’t able to see at first, someone blocking his view, but as he moves further into the kitchen, he catches it. A guy talking to you, but not just any guy, the guy from the lunch room the other day.

His dirty mouth probably having said disgusting things about you—that you’re totally unaware of, yapping away at you as you nod at him.

No. He wont have it.

He continues to push past people, small apologizes leaving his mouth all the same even with all the anger running through him right now. You’re surprised when he grabs your wrist, even though he’s still gentle about it, it comes so suddenly.

“Oh! Yuta, you-“

“Where’d you go?” He asks immediately, as if scolding you.

“Huh? Where’d I.. oh! My friend pulled me away I- oh but I told someone waiting in line to tell you where I went did they not tell you?”

“No. No one told me.” He states coldly and you frown.

“Oh. Sorry..” You say but realize that now he’s glaring at the guy you were just talking to. “Oh, yeah, this is-“

“Don’t care.” He mutters and before you can say anything, he’s pulling you back towards the living room from where he came in. His pull isn’t harsh, you could easily refute, but you follow him anyways.

He leads you away until you’re in the corner of the room, away from the speakers where it’s a bit quieter.

“Wha was that? Kinda rude, Yu.” You say, confused, and now significantly more disoriented. Your friends had pulled you away for a drinking game, and Yuta was in the bathroom for a bit.

“You said you would wait outside.” He says, almost like pouting, but his expression is stern and serious.

“Yeah but you were taking foreverrr.” You tease, giving him a silly smile. “What were you even doing in there, huh?”

“That doesn’t matter, you scared me! I told you places like this are dangerous for-“ He starts to lecture you, but cuts himself off to focus on you for a second. It finally starts to click for him that you aren’t in the same state he left you in. Your eyes are lazy, kind of wandering. Your body swaying and unbalanced. And just from knowing how your body language usually is, he knows something is really off.

“Did you drink more while I was in the bathroom?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You tell him honestly, not seeing any reason to hide it.

“How much?”

“Ummmm….”

“You don’t know?!”

“I’m thinking!!”

You put your finger to your lips and start working your brain to remember, counting off the number in your head.

“Y/n, you’re scaring me.” Yuta says as it takes you longer than he thinks it should to answer.

“It was like.. four.. actually, five.”

“Five what?”

“Shots.”

“Of what??”

“Um.. alcohol?”

“You don’t even know what they were giving you?” Yuta stares at you in complete disbelief.

“Well, they didn’t tell me, so..” You mumble a reply, feeling guilty now like you must have made a mistake. “Does it really matter?”

“Y/n!” Yuta says as if scolding you, again.

“What? It was a game, we were all just having fun!!” You retort.

“You can’t just take any drink anyone gives you! I cant believe I have to tell you that.” He says, crossing his arms.

“They’re not just anyone they’re my friends!” You retort again, frowning at him.

“I’m your friend. You hardly know these people!” He argues without hesitation and something in you hurts at those words. 

“Yu…”

“And what’s in that, then?” He inquires, pointing down, and— up until now you totally forgot the red cup in your hand. Oh, make that 6(?) drinks you guess.

“It’s mango juice and… vodka.” You tell him warily, knowing you have no clue what kind of alcohol it actually is. But you can’t lie to his face, you know you can’t. “…Probably.”

“Probably?!”

“Yu!! Stop worrying! Look, I’m fine! I’m safe! And I have you here, so iss okay.” You tell him genuinely and Yuta’s heart pangs. Knowing you have so much security and trust in him to know you’ll be safe as long as he’s here, makes him incessantly happy. But he just doesn’t trust the people here, and god forbid he lose you again.

“Y/n, let’s go home.” He tells you as nicely as he can.

“What? No, I’m having fun.” You tell him to his dismay and he frowns. He really doesn’t want to argue with you.

“Please. The alcohol you had probably hasn’t even really caught up with you yet. We should get you home before it does.”

“Yu, I’m not leaving. I came to have a good time.” You tell him again firmly and he basically pouts at this. “Cmon. I wanna have a good time with you too. Let’s go dance again.”

You entice him, your hand finding his for the millionth time, that look in your eyes as you stare up at him. You have to know what you do to him, right?

“…Alright.” He agrees and your smile spreads into a grin, practically jumping in place with excitement and victory at convincing him.

“But!” He interrupts, putting his finger up and making you go still again. “No more drinking for the night.” 

“Whattt?” You frown and protest as he takes the cup that was basically empty anyways out of your hands.

“You’ve had a lot already for your first time and I don’t want you to get sick. Let’s just hang out for the rest of the time, okay?”

You pout as he waits for your compliance to his terms. You think about how likely it would be for him to actually carry you out of here if you didn’t.

“Promise me? Please?” He says sweetly, looking into your eyes as if further asking with them. You cant say no to him like this.

“Fine.” You tell him and you adore the way he smiles afterward. “For you.”

After that, the two of you are back in the middle of where everyone else is dancing. This time he isn’t really intoxicated at all and maybe that’s why he’s not so needy. Your other friends come to join with you, even inumaki and panda as well. He sees you having a good time and that’s enough for him to have a good time too. Though he supposes he’s also just having fun dancing and being young with everyone like this.

The night about peaks there.

After dancing a bit, you lean into Yuta’s ear to tell him you’re gonna go get water for the two of you. You’re basically yelling since you guys are dancing pretty close to the speakers this time. When Yuta finally understands you he shoots you a concerned look. You roll your eyes.

“You trust meee, right?” You say again into his ear. He nods without hesitating. Of course he trusts you.

“I’m just getting water, promise.” You tell him again. “I’ll be back.”

Before he can offer to get it instead, you’re gone.

He watches you go, snaking your way through people toward the kitchen. He feels a bit awkward with you gone now, like it’s not as fun in your absence. Still he watches your friends and his dance along together, and he can’t help smiling at them.

After a minute he feels a hand on his arm, and he looks over, thinking it’s you. It’s a girl he’s never seen before. Or at least he thinks he hasn’t. She’s mouthing something at him, probably talking at normal volume, but he can’t hear obviously.

“Sorry, what? I can’t hear you!” He shouts over the music and she beckons him with her hand to come closer. He complies, not really thinking much of it. She must have something to tell him. Maybe it’s about you?

When he does lean in, shes so close he can feel her breathing. It’s weird, being this close to someone else and it almost feels wrong. She just starts a normal conversation with him, asking where he’s from and what year he is. It seems normal and Yuta talks along with her, thinking it a little strange to be having a normal conversation somewhere so inconvenient. But he’s polite about it. She keeps talking, and all Yuta can think about is where you are. Would it take this long to get water? No, but, he trusts you. He doesn’t need to worry.

“Are you okay?” The girl asks and he snaps back to the current moment again.

“H-huh? Oh, yeah.” He yells back, as they’ve been doing for a few minutes.

She says something like he’s very cute, or that’s what he thinks she said. When it’s clear he didn’t properly hear her, she pulls him close, forcefully by his shirt. It’s when she starts saying things in his ear that are obviously flirting now that he finally sees you out of the corner of his eye. You look shocked but, hey, you do have two cups of water with you.

You start talking to the girl, back and forth, the two of you talking quickly about something he’s not quite hearing.

Something something- you. Something something- your boyfriend? Something something- just leave something alone.

Then they start getting louder, and he starts to hear better. This is also where he starts to realize you’re not just talking to her, you’re arguing with her.

“Why do you even care? _____ jealous?” The other girl says, parts of what she’s saying still kind of blank. The two of them are clearly angry now. Even your friends are starting to wonder whats going on.

“Excuse me? Who even are you? You ____ and then ____?!”

From there it all happens so quickly, Yuta barely has time to process it all. He knows how you get when you’re angry, he’s seen you argue with girls and even guys from your school before. Hell, even when you were kids you used to get into fights with other kids who would bully him until they stopped. It’s not that you look for a fight, or that you’re easy to get upset at all, but when you do you’re a hundred percent with it. You don’t waver or back down, as long as you believe you’re in the right. But, what could this girl have possibly done to make you so mad? And what’s gonna happen when how you usually are in an arguement is boosted with the effects of being intoxicated?

He has no time to prevent it at all. Voices get louder, you both get closer. Then he hears the other girl say “Oh, why don’t we test that then, huh?”

She turns to him, calls something out to him, but he just continues to stand there, very confused. Suddenly her hands are reaching up for him, taking his face in her hands and pulling him towards her own. Again, this is all happening too fast for Yuta to process. He only realizes shes about to kiss him when all at once the girl is now drenched in water, some of the splash bouncing off and hitting him as well. She freezes to look down at herself in shock, and Yuta stares with eyes wide. He’s too late to look at you because when he does, you’re already lunging at her, shoving her towards the wall with no remorse.

He’s quick to act this time as you’re about to go after her for more, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you back as you actively squirm and yell for him to let you go. It’s to his dismay when he sees the other girl coming towards you now rather than leaving. Your other friends join in to help in holding the both of you back. It’s a bit of a struggle to get you two apart, but before he knows it, Yuta and the other boys have successfully gotten you away. Which happened to be upstairs, since the girls were taking the other girl outside.

Thankfully it didn’t cause too big of a scene. People around had stopped to look and see what was going on, but once the fight was prevented, everything went back to normal.

“What the hell was that?! What happened?!” Panda shouts at you as you’re still panting from all the struggle to get out of the hold of the three boys that now stand around you in some random bedroom. You’re on the bed, and Yuta sits next to you. You don’t even want to look at him.

“What did she say??” Inumaki adds.

“Are you okay?” Yuta also adds, sweetly more concerned about that than anything.

“I’m fine.” You say in a tone that indicates you are infact not.

“Oh, sure, answer Yuta but not us.” Panda says, rolling his eyes. “Can we get an explanation?”

“Guys. Cmon. That was obviously a lot. She needs time to process.” Yuta says in your defense and it’s honestly hard to stay mad at him, though you’re not even quite sure why you are. You’re feeling a lot of things right now.

The three of them go back and forth a bit and you’re not having it, already upset enough.

“Can you guys jush leave me alone!!” You shout and again, you’re not even sure why. You don’t want to be alone.

“…What?” Yuta says, almost like in disbelief, and you turn to see his sad expression. Something on your heart tugs. You don’t think you’ve ever asked Yuta to leave you alone. He was always around to help you even in your lowest times, even when it was the two of you who fought.

You hear a sigh from Inumaki.

“Alright, we get it, we’ll leave you two alone. Lovebirds.” He says, muttering the last part. You blush slightly, they totally read through you just now.

“We expect an explanation later though!” Panda calls on their way out. The two of you stare at the door for a moment after.

When Yuta finally turns back at you, he’s genuinely surprised to see you look so angry. Were you mad at him?

“What’s… going on? What happened back there?” He asks you gently, cautiously.

“Yuta you are so clueless!!” You shout at him suddenly, making him jump.

“H-huh?!”

“You didn’t notice?! She was flirting with you!” You say and push his chest, too gentle to actually be real anger.

“What?? I mean.. well I kind of noticed, eventually…” he says sheepishly, a bit confused. “Why does it matter?”

He watches your face heat up and you quickly look away from him.

“Oh my god,” you say, putting your face in your hands. “You make me feel crazy.”

“Huh?” Yuta mumbles again and then he suddenly remembers that you’re still drunk. He goes to touch your arm but you snap back around at him before he can.

“She was trying to kiss you!!” You shout and he nods in surprise.

“I know!” He confirms and his heart speeds up when he realizes that was clearly not the thing to say. You suddenly look sad instead of mad, and it breaks his heart.

“I-It’s not like I wanted her to. It happened so fast I-“

“Yeah right, when I got there she was all over you! You’ve always been clueless!! It’s like this any time any girl flirts with you! In highschool too.”

…what?

When Yuta looks back on tonight, it was obvious that girl was flirting with him, sure, even if he did notice kind of late. But high school? He never had girls who flirted with him, not that he can think of.

“What.. do you mean? I was never hit on in high school.”

“Yeah, that’s what you think.” You say, poking his chest. “That’s my point.”

This is troubling for him as he starts to really analyze anytime any girl might of flirted with him in the past. No matter how hard he thinks, he can’t even think of one.

Then he realizes something. What… does this have to do with anything? So you were mad that that girl was flirting with him. Got that. But why? There’s really only one answer right? But there’s no way… it has to be in a platonic way, right? Jealousy.

He snaps out of his thoughts suddenly when he hears a familiar sniffle, and his awareness lights up, like an instinct. You’re crying. You’re crying right next to him, and it seems like it’s his fault. His heart aches and he immediately pulls you into an embrace, quietly cooing soft affirming words and apologies, rubbing your back. He remembers AGAIN, the fact that you are very drunk, and of course your actions are not going to completely make sense to him or anyone. People do unreasonable things when they’re drunk right? Things they’d never think of doing sober. So, he decides to just comfort you and assure you rather than argue or try to understand anymore.

You stay like this, gently crying into his chest and gripping his shirt as he holds you, his chin resting on your head. He knows exactly when you need this kind of comforting, and he’s very happy to give it to you. You go quiet after a few minutes, and he doesn’t pull back until you quietly call his name.

“Yuta.” You say, slightly muffled.

“Mm?” He hums as he softly pulls back to look at you.

You look up at him, eyes wet and face tinted pink, an absolute painting of purity underneath him.

“We should kiss.” You tell him, completely genuine.

“h-hUH?!” He squeaks and the crack in his voice does not help his face that immediately turned red at your words.

“You don’t want to?” You say sadly and this feels like some kind of test.

“No, I!- I mean… why… do you say that?” His words leave his mouth in a pathetic way that he hates, as if betraying him.

“It’s just…” You start sheepishly, and now you have to look away, embarrassed. “We’ve been together since we were kids.. we’ve done everything together. All the firsts. So…”

He watches as you breathe in and turn to look at him again, hanging on to every word you’re saying.

“Doesn’t it make sense that we should be eachothers first kiss too? It’d be weird to give it to anyone else… and you almost had someone take your first kiss tonight… that can happen too, so…”

You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk.

He has to hammer that into his head to not lose himself here. But even repeating it to himself over and over, he’s leaning in, and you’re leaning in. You’re so close, something he’s always wanted deep down is right in front of him, teasing, taunting him.

It takes everything in him to pull back again.

“I can’t…” He says, his eyes clenched shut.

“Why?”

“Because you’re drunk.”

“And?”

“And… it would be wrong…” he continues, really trying his best to keep composure here, and somewhat failing. His eyes shoot open when he feels you climb over him, coming to sit in his lap where your legs stratal him. Now this is something you two have never done. Your body is so warm on top of his, and your hands too when they come to rest against his chest. One hand comes up to brush a hair out of his eyes, then falling down to caress his cheek. He swallows hard.

What are you doing?

“This is about me?” You ask him curiously. Your sober self would be shocked by how easily you’re about to do something you’ve always dreamed of doing to Yuta specifically. You want to kiss him, of course, but you also want to tease him. You love to do so on a normal day, but you’ve been given quite the special opportunity with the current situation and your rise in confidence thanks to the drinks earlier.

“Yes.. b-but this is-“

“If it’s about me, then let’s just do it. I’m practically sober.” You lie to him, which you never do. You really want this.

“You’re not. You’re drunk, I can tell.” He calls your bluff even in his flustered state. You’re caught. You can’t really argue with him on that. Instead you bring your head down to lay on his shoulder, resting there for a moment. He sighs quietly in relief, thinking you’d given in, his arms coming in to hold you again. There’s a moment of peace.

A loud gasp leave his lips suddenly when you start pressing your lips to his neck. Softly, you place one by one, moving around to make sure to give him plenty. You feel like you’re on fire when you hear him start to moan at this. You knew he’d be the type to moan and whine, you know him. You want to hear more. You cant stop yourself.

“Ah.. Y/n..” he breathes as you kiss up to the nape of his ear and along his collar bone. You even come up to give his cheek a couple of pecks the way you think you must’ve when you were really little. My how times change, and yet not at all. All he can think about is how soft your lips are, trying to fight against is own pleasure.

“Y/n..” he says, strained, like he’s pleading you. “Really, we can’t do this… Please, stop.”

At his specific request for you to stop, you do. You pull back and look at him. His face is flushed like crazy and he looks so lusted. Yet he said no, and his hands stay put on your back. In fact, he’s not moved a muscle at all since you climbed onto him.

“You really don’t want to?” You ask, almost sadly.

“I already told you..” he trails off weakly, not able to look at you in the eyes. His face is really burning up. Honestly even he’s impressed with how much he’s able to hold back right now. Literally any other circumstance. Anywhere, anytime, he would give into you. But he would hate himself if tomorrow you said this was a mistake, or god forbid got angry at him for letting you do something in a state where your minds not right like this. You trusted him to keep you safe, and that includes from himself. He is a man after all, childhood best friend or otherwise. He’s doing this for you essentially, even though it’s ironically the opposite of what you want in the moment.

“If you’d rather have your first time with someone else, you can just say that.” You say, stubborn, frowning at him. What first are you talking about here?

“You know it’s not that-“

“Say you don’t want to and I’ll drop it.” You say sternly, giving him the hard choice. You don’t know how you got stuck on this, or even if your reasoning or actions were making sense. All you know is you want to kiss your best friend, and you want him to want it too.

He groans, almost a whine and you feel him squeeze your sides. You get excited for a moment, thinking he’ll give in.

“Fine... I… I don’t want to.” He says finally, and looking you in the eyes when he does so you know that he’s serious this time. He can’t even believe it himself, he knows that’s a huge lie. But it’s the only way to get you to stop apparently, and it’s for your own good. Plus, this is something he hasn’t even allowed himself to fantasize about, and now it’s happening right in front of him. He’s a little scared of what this might do to him, and more importantly, your relationship. He’s also unsure if he has the self control to stop after kissing you once. Cross that first line and there’s no telling where this will end up. Maybe that’s the real reason he knows he has to hold back for your sake. One kiss wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

You go from looking hurt, and then back to angry. You push yourself up off him, coming to stand.

“Fine. Then, maybe I should go get that girl. Since I obviously ruined what you two had going on.” You shoot at him, turning towards the door. Apparently being drunk really amplifies your jealousy, which is new to you. Usually you’re very good at hiding or completely ignoring it.

“Y/n, that’s crazy. Why would I want to kiss some girl I hardly know?”

“Well you clearly weren’t against it!” You say, turning to him again with your arms crossed.

“I didn’t notice! I don’t want to kiss her!” He insists.

“Whatever!” You head for the door again, hand taking the knob. You feel him grab your other hand.

“Y/n-“

“Let go!” You shout and try to pull your arms from his grasp to no avail.

“Please. Just stop. Listen to me.” He pleads, ignoring your squirming to pull you back to him. You finally look up at him, annoyed.

“You’re my best friend. I’ve had you for as long as I can remember, and you’re right. We’ve done everything together. It would be weird to have my first with anyone else, so… I actually think, what you said.. I think it’s a good idea. I want to do it.” He tells you quickly so that you’ll hear him out. You look at him a little surprised.

“Wha..? But you just-“

“I’ll tell you what…” He stops you before you can retaliate. “If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”

He tells you this and you immediately believe him. You know he will, he never goes back on his word. Still, your stubborn expression doesn’t waver much.

“I promise.” He says, squeezing your hand and giving you a genuine look. That does it. You let out a sigh.

Truth is, ever since standing up, you’ve felt kind of dizzy and gross. It’s been hard to even stay focused on what you were mad about.

You lean forward, dropping into Yuta’s chest, surprising him a little.

“I don’t feel good.” You say weakly and he chuckles.

“Let’s leave, yeah?” He suggests and you nod, following as he finally opens the door and leads you down the hall. He only stops in front of the stairs when you stop, pulling his arm by staying in place. He looks back at you, confused, but understands almost immediately after seeing you. He realizes now that he must’ve underestimated just how “not good” you felt.

He takes you back towards the bathroom, gently, but with urgency. You make it there and luckily there’s no line either. He guides you in with a hand on your back, shutting and locking the door after you.

Honestly you don’t know why but you’re embarrassed by what he’s about to see. It’s not like he hasn’t seen you in terrible states before, sick, or sobbing, or depressed. But this is just, humiliating for some reason, especially after what just happened. Though it could be worse.

He of course pulls your hair back as you let it out into the toilet. He hates hearing your sounds of pain and he’s pretty sure he hears you crying as well. He wishes he could help more, but once he thinks you’re done he just gently rubs your back for a while.

“Sorry..” you mumble to him without moving and he shakes his head immediately.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He reassures you.

I love you. I would do this for you everytime. Is what he wishes he could say. And he so badly wants to think about everything that just happened in that bedroom, to replay it in his mind and ask questions. But he knows to save it for later. Your condition is more important right now.

Eventually people outside need to use the restroom, and it seems like you’re not going to throw up anymore, so Yuta helps you up and outside. But even then, you feel too weak to stand and you decide to sit against the hallway wall. He takes a seat next to you without question. He sits with you for a while, even after your head falls onto his shoulder and he can tell that you’re asleep.

Panda and Inumaki find you and suggest leaving, so Yuta knows he has to wake you. He shakes you slightly by the shoulder.

“Hey..” he says softly when you groan and blink your eyes a couple times hazily.

“Think you can stand?” He asks you.

You groan and nuzzle further into his shoulder.

“Mdont wantto.” You mumble into him and he smiles.

“Alright, I’m gonna carry you then, okay?” He tells you and you just hum in response.

Eventually you’re on Yuta’s back, walking outside around your school campus to get to his apartment. Most of its a blur as you fall in and out of sleep through the whole walk.

Yuta tells the two very eager-to-know boys about what he thinks happened with you and that girl, but not much about what came after with him. They say the same things his brain was trying to tell him and he kept ignoring. They say it’s obvious. That theres no such thing as “platonic jealousy” like that. But he’s still in denial.

“I’m sure it was only a platonic thing.” He says, trying to convince more than his friends, looking over and checking on you every few seconds to make sure you’re still out. “We’ve never been romantic with anyone so shes probably just nervous about what would happen. I would be too.”

They don’t believe him, and he’s not sure if he does either. But he has to. Because if tonight meant anything else, then what does that mean for you two?

Yuta decided a long time ago that he would never confess, not unless he was 100% sure of your feelings. For fear of losing this privilege to know you, to get to have you around, even if just platonically. He couldn’t bear it. Things had to stay the same.

When you get back to his apartment, he brings you straight to his bed, ready to let you sleep there and find his own place on the couch.

“Do you want to shower first? I can lend you some clean clothes.” He suggests softly as you both sit in the quiet of the room. He brushes your hair gently behind your ear so that it’s out of your face.

“You’re just saying that cus you don’t want me to get all my sweat and stuff on your sheets.” You accuse, but he can tell it’s not hostile at all. You’re not mad anymore.

“I don’t care about that, I can just do laundry tomorrow. But I think it’d feel better for you that way.” He tells you honestly and you sigh. He knows you don’t want to.

“I just wanted to remind you that you can, you don’t have to. But you know what’s mine is yours here, right? If you need anything just go ahead.” He says sweetly and you hum, finally moving to lay down, resting your head on his pillow. It smells like Yuta. You nuzzle into it further.

“Okay.. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.” He tells you with a chuckle.

“Wait.” You say before he can get to the door. He turns to you.

“Mwhere are you goin?” You mumble sleepily. His heart melts.

“Just to the living room. I’ll sleep on the couch so don’t worry, okay?”

“Come here.” You tell him bluntly and he does. When he gets to the bed you pat the spot next to you. His face flushes.

“What? You want me to sleep here??”

“Mhm.”

“With you?”

“Just lay down, Yu.. I wanna sleep.” You groan, too exhausted to be explaining or convincing. You just want him next to you.

And then he’s laying next to you.

This shouldn’t be awkward, you guys have napped together before. But that was a long time ago, and things feel different now. He’s so unsure of where to put his hands or how to position himself until you decide for him. You reach out and pull yourself into him, arms wrapping around him and legs tangling. He naturally just curls around you all the same, feeling your breath on his chest as you easily lull into sleep like this. It’s a bit hard to think about anything but how soft and warm you are for a little while, hot and flustered from how intimate this feels and scared to mess it up. But, he does feel more comfortable after. How could he not? The way you sleep so peacefully in his arms sends him off to sleep not long after you.

The morning after that night is the start of his guilty conscience.

When he wakes up sporting a full hard-on, he’s incredibly glad you’re not in a position to have noticed it. He had the craziest dream about you, and waking up face to face to you afterwards could not make him feel anymore mortified and embarrassed. How could he? Have a wet dream about you when you’re sleeping RIGHT next to him.

And the thoughts he’s having about you right now as he watches you so innocently sleep, blissfully unaware to his thoughts.

It’s horrible.

It’s exciting. No, it’s perverted.

Even with all his self control in previous years, you can’t really control what you dream about, can you? Sure, he’s had dreams like these about you before. But he’s read on the internet that people have wet dreams about random people too, people they’ve never even considered like that! So he doesn’t count it.

But it’s when he’s sliding out of bed to take care of things in the bathroom, trying to relieve himself to anything but the thought of you. He just can’t think of anything else good enough. He wants to think about you so bad. The way you were all over him last night, so many opportunities where he could’ve told you how he feels. He could’ve told you want he wanted from you so badly instead of denying it.

When he was tipsy, body pressed against you and music pumping in his ears. His face tucked into your neck, breathing in your scent clearer than anything and feeling your hands stretched around his back. He even could’ve told you then, that he loved you. How badly he wanted you in that moment too, his desires bubbling up so bad that he could practically beg for you. And maybe you would’ve at least humored him, giggled at his drunken daze and been so gracious as to grant him more of you.

Or what would’ve happened if he had let you do what you wanted? In that bedroom, alone just the two of you, with you in his lap. Would you really have stopped after one kiss?

And then snippets from his dream start to cross his mind. You in the same dress last night that he tried so incredibly hard not to think about too much, how it hugged every curve of your body and made your breasts look so nice. And in that dream, the dirty things you said to him between kisses on his neck while you stroked his length.

“Does that feel good, Yu? You wanna cum for me?”

“Yes.. ffucyes..” He mumbles to himself as his pace gets faster. Somehow it ended up like this, not sure when he even started to touch himself, but far past the headspace to care. He feels his climax already, the thought of you making him so unbelievably excited.

In his mind you’re on top of him, bouncing on his cock in all your glory in that beautiful dress that you love. And he could admire anything else right now but all he wants to see is the look on your face. He wants to see how good he can make you feel, not holding back anything at all.

“Fuck, Yu… That feels so good.. I love you..” You’d whine for him and he can feel his pleasure spilling over.

“Y/n… godfuck.. I love you, I love you.” He chants to himself as quietly as he can manage as his hips start to jerk up and stutter. His climax hits and normally he’d be ready to catch his load in his hands, but it rips through him so urgently and suddenly that it manages to catch him offguard.

He stares at the scene in front of him, the mess he made. His breathing is shaky and uneven. His heartbeat doesn’t slow as he starts to realize what he just did. He just jerked off thinking about you, shamelessly, while you’re literally a room away. How could he? What would you think of him if you found out about this? You’d probably think he’s a huge pervert and never talk to him again, right?

You always understood him, but this is unforgivable.

The guilt eats him alive, even after he’s cleaned up and started making breakfast. Trying to distract himself with tasks and chores, he can’t even bring himself to go back to his room and face you as he keeps thinking about the awful thoughts his mind willingly conjured about you. There’s no excuse now. And even in his guilt, he can’t stop thinking about how good that felt. He’s never felt that good thinking or looking at anything else when pleasuring himself. This is bad. He could get addicted to this. He wants to do it again right now, actually. Is that horrible?

“Yu?” Your voice startles him so bad that he jumps, almost throwing the frying pan in his hold. He turns to see your still fogged-with-sleep self standing before him. You’re still in that dress.

“H-hey. You’re up! I’m… making breakfast. Are you hungry?” He says, nervous for some reason. Like you’d be able to tell immediately just by looking at him what he’s done, smell the pervertedness and deceit on him.

“Mm.. That sounds nice.” You just smile and then let out a small yawn. You’re so adorable. What has he done? “I’m gonna shower first, is that okay?”

Another wave of anxiety rushes through him as he starts to overthink whether or not he cleaned up enough in there. Which is dumb, because he literally scrubbed any evidence possible off the floor with diligence. But maybe you’d find something anyways.

“Oh.. um.. yeah, go ahead. You know I don’t mind.” He says after maybe a little too long of a pause.

He waits for you to come out again with breakfast laid out on the coffee table in front of him. He mindlessly scrolls on his phone to keep his thoughts busy with something, anything else.

When you step out again, you’re wearing one of his t-shirts he almost never wears and seemingly his boxers as well, though he can’t see them very well from how far the shirt falls. He has to act like he’s reading something very interesting on his phone to avoid looking at you, his face blushing. This should be just a regular morning for you two and yet why does it feel like like you just-

“Fuck, I needed that shower! I feel so much better” You tell him as you take a seat by his side.

He smiles, putting his phone down now.

“I’m glad.” He watches you sip down some of the water in front of you, eyes shamefully trained on your lips. “And.. how are you feeling?”

“I feel fine! Don’t worry. I think I probably puked up all the alcohol in my system last night. If anything I’m just hungry. And thirsty.” You tell him as you poke your fork into a piece of pancake on your plate, and then catching yourself.  “Oh. Sorry, that’s kinda gross to say right before we eat. Thank you for the food by the way.”

You look at him and smile so sweetly that it makes Yuta forget about all the thoughts plaguing him for a moment. He laughs at your words.

“You’re welcome. But you should eat as much as you can before the other two get out here and devour it all.”  He jokes and starts eating as well. You let out a small laugh and nod in agreement.

“You’re right, I forgot they live here.”You say and you’re only half kidding. “That’s why you made so much, huh? I got worried you were expecting me to finish this, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Yuta laughs and shakes his head, taking another forkful of eggs. After that the conversation kinda dies as the two of you just enjoy your delicious breakfast.

A few minutes of silence go by before he decides to speak up.

“So.. do you remember much about last night?” He asks you and you turn to him with a curious look. “I know that sometimes if you drink too much it can affect your memory.. so I was just wondering.”

He knows he’s probably blushing a bit now. There’s a real reason why he’s asking you, right?

“Oh. Well, yeah I’m pretty sure I remember most of it. Some of it is maybe a little foggy.” You tell him after thinking for a moment. When you look at him again, he’s staring at you. You laugh a little.

“If you’re wondering if I remember the almost-fight and all that, I definitely do. Though I kinda wish I didn’t.” You joke, but not really kidding. Deep down you are a little mortified about what you did. Moreso with Yuta than with that girl, but still even then you only caused that scene because of your jealousy over Yuta. Does he know you like him that way now? Did you give yourself away?

“Ah.. I see.” He says awkwardly and your guilt pangs in you.

“Yuta.. I’m really sorry about last night.” You say finally and he looks at you kinda surprised. “I mean I did a lot of embarrassing things that weren’t too bad, could just be written off as those funny things I did at my first party, yknow? But..”

You play with the food on your plate a little, not quite able to look at him.

“But I did something really not okay with you. I.. I was forcing myself on you and you were clearly uncomfortable, right? I don’t even know what I was thinking.. I would never..” You start to apologize, but kind of struggle with how to put it. How can you even explain yourself for something like that? Isn’t it obvious?

“Hey, it’s okay.” He says gently, putting your nerves to rest with just one phrase as he puts his warm hand on yours. You look over at him to see him smiling fondly. How can he forgive you so easily?

“It wasn’t like that. I know you weren’t in the right headspace. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t.. do something you’d regret, yknow?” He explains like youre sure he said to you similarly last night. You ended up being regretful anyways, but you suppose this is best case scenario. You cant imagine if you had kept forcing yourself on him then, probably ruining your relationship forever. You’re thankful that your best friend is as sweet and forgiving as he is.

“Thank you.. I still think it was wrong though. I’ll make it up to you.” You promise him and go back to eating.

You don’t bring up the kiss at all. Even though you remember exactly what he told you last night.

“If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”

You believe him. You know he would, and it scares you. It scares you because you know you might not be able to control yourself if you open that door. Anything could happen after. You’re scared.

Yuta doesn’t bring it up for the same reason. And he doesn’t ask you about your reasonings or motives for why you did what you did that night either. Like why seeing some other girl almost kiss him made you so angry that you offered to take his first instead. No, even though his mind yearned for answers, he was also too scared to look for them. Afraid of what he might find or what trap he might set off.

So, neither of you bring it up. You act like it was all meaningless. Just drunk nonsense with no actual motive behind it.

But even so, that night ends up changing your relationship forever.

[ohhmydyosfics]

(Johnyu) Promises broken, promises kept

They’re not friends, but Johnny is always all too aware of him. Yuta is extremely charismatic on stage – but it’s not just that. Off stage he’s friendlier, but there’s still an edge to him; Johnny has yet to figure out if it’s the kind that will cut you if you get too close.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23735725

[lokissweater]

“i love you and i love you.” ᡣ𐭩

{yuta okkotsu x f!reader}

summary: yuta okkotsu has been hopelessly in love with you since he was fifteen. you, his muse and his reason to live as you took care of him growing up more than anyone else in his life. in fear of breaking your best friend pact and losing you entirely, yuta swallows his feelings for the sake of keeping you in his life, but he can only take so much.

warnings: college au, friends to best friends to lovers trope, lowkey ooc yuta oops, mentions of underage drinking, hopelessly devoted and lovesick yuta for reader, cursing!!! both reader and yuta cuss lol, lots and lots of fluff, ANGST, afab!reader, use of y/n, pet names, no smut in this one! slight sexual themes, reader is older than yuta by two years.

word count: 8.7k

authors note: YAAALLL i actually poured my heart and soul out into this one so i really hope it reaches your heart and soul as well! it is so so cute and i had so much fun writing it. this is definitely not the end of this au! i plan to write more short stories that take place after this one :) mwah.

————————————————————————

yuta was thirteen years old when he first saw you.

you were a casual friend of his older brother who had invited his entire group of friends over for a thanksgiving feast reunion amongst yourselves. yuta stayed locked in his room for the most part, from time to time lazily making his way down the halls and through the kitchen where you all sat to get a glass of water for himself, silently savoring at the food on the table.

eventually you had picked up on his lame attempts of coming into the kitchen for random excuses, concluding that he just wanted to gawk at the food and maybe score a bite or two of the pumpkin pie drenched in whipped cream, sitting pretty and proud in the middle of the table.

but after various unsuccessful attempts and various defeated stomps down the hall and back to his room after every shoo from his brother, he knew he wasn’t going to get even a lick. at the end of the night when the group settled down and many began to take their leave, yuta made his way back down one more time in search of any lucky scraps left behind.

but what he found instead was you, standing in the kitchen with a white porcelain plate in your hands, a slice of pumpkin pie drenched in whipped cream sitting pretty in the middle.

“for you,” you had said calmly, plate outstretched, beckoning him to take it. “i saw you come down a few times looking at it, and i think whoever brought it is taking the rest of it back home, so here.”

yuta had never spoken to a girl before, much less a fifteen year old one with the sweetest smile he had ever seen in his life on her face, but he timidly and awkwardly took the smooth plate from your offering hands, and muttered a squeaky thank you before stumbling down the hall and slamming his bedroom door shut.

from then on, yuta looked forward to the next time his brother would have his friends over, nagging at him constantly with questions of when, and even going as far as to straight up planning the hangouts himself (the location of all of them being at their house of course), but his brother would only shove him out of his room and lock the door shut.

luckily for yuta his wish was granted, and his curious eyes saw you around a lot more often than not, and you gradually became a close friend of yuta’s brother instead of just casual one. every time you came over to his house, you always greeted him with the biggest smile on your face before going into his brother’s room with the rest of the group. and over time, your greetings to yuta went from sweet smiles, to pats on the head, to ruffling up his hair occasionally, and to his personal favorite, the side hug.

you always were around in yuta’s growing life and always made sure he had gotten something to eat that day, or if he had a ride to soccer practice, or if his phone had enough battery to last him through his tutoring sessions, or even if he had someone going to watch his soccer games in the mornings (which was never).

yuta was fifteen when he realized he liked you.

“so no one is going?” you asked sharply, “again?”

yuta shrugged. “its at eight o’ clock in the morning. i don’t expect anyone to, not even you-“

“well i’m going,” you said simply, putting the rest of your textbooks away in your locker and slamming it shut. “geez not even your brother goes to your games? i’m gonna yell at him later.”

“it’s fine.” yuta shook his head and gave you a small smile, his insides twisting and contorting with an overwhelming boy crush for you. “a lot of my teammates parents don’t go either, usually only to the first two of the season.”

but not you. you went every single time, even going as far as dragging his brother with you so he could have family there to watch him play. yuta always made sure to turn and raise a hand to you from across the field, waving it side to side before getting back in the game, his heart thumping wildly in his chest with an insane sense of adrenaline to do good on the field and show off— because you were watching.

yuta was still fifteen when he realized you liked his brother.

firstly, he felt utterly stupid for not picking up on it before. yuta was always too busy staring at you and memorizing every inch and detail of your face to realize that you were looking at his brother the same way yuta looked at you. he was too busy running around in soccer fields and eating the ham sandwiches you always made for him after practices to realize how red your face would get when you sat next to his brother during his games, or when you gave him sandwiches. yuta was too busy drooling over you in his mind that sometimes you wouldn’t even notice him waving at you from across the field like he always did, your eyes trained on his brother instead, that sweet smile he was all too familiar with shining for someone else.

it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair at all. yuta felt like his brother always got everything and he always ended up with scraps. yuta never got a friend group like his, or a stellar reputation in a sport like he did, or people at his beck and call everywhere he went, or nominations for pointless shit like homecoming king.

but yuta didn’t give a flying fuck about any of that. he didn’t want any of that. he wanted you. just you.

but he couldn’t have you.

yuta was sixteen when he realized he was in love with you.

he had been for a while actually, and he knew it, but the thought alone of you liking his stupid brother only fueled the fire of denial to save himself from getting hurt more than he already was.

but it was absolutely pouring rain that day, his tutoring session having been cancelled last minute due to the weather, and because of this he had no ride home and no umbrella to even attempt at walking home, not that he could anyways seeing as it would take him thirty minutes to do so. yuta absolutely could not take that chance. he had his laptop in his backpack with all of his school work, and worst of all, his final project that he had been working on since the beginning of the school year, a precious green portfolio filled with notes worth more than gold to him.

yuta grumbled as he scuffed his feet against the concrete at the front of his school under a rooftop, lips pressed into a thin line in annoyance. his parents were at work, there was no way they could just drop everything and go to him (not that they would anyways), and his brother was too busy hanging out with you doing god knows what at god knows where— so even calling you was out of the picture.

at the mere thought of you hanging out with his brother, he sighed softly, sadly, and slumped down on a blue bench with his cold hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket, eyes trained to the ground.

heavy pit pats of rain smacked against the ground as he sat there in thought, the sounds of cars zooming down the wet streets as the only source of life around besides himself, seeing as it was already late in the day and everybody else had gone home. without him even noticing, the front doors beside him creaked open as he sat there grumbling.

“yuta?”

his head snapped up upon hearing your pretty voice call out to him, his eyes wide as he saw you standing there with an umbrella.

“what are you doing here?” he asked softly, standing up. yuta looked at you then and noticed your eyes were red and tired, and a shock of worry shot up his spine.

“i was-”

“are you okay?” he asked quickly. “your eyes are red.”

“oh really?” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes with your palm, waving him off. “it’s nothing, i didn’t even notice.”

he pursed his lips, concern written all over his face as he took in your defeated expression, but before he could press any further, you spoke again.

“why aren’t you in tutoring?”

“oh they cancelled last minute,” he stuffed his hands further into his jacket and looked to the side. “i don’t have a ride home now because of it, and i can’t even walk home because it’s raining hard as fuck and i have my laptop in my backpack.”

you hummed in understanding, and even though it looked like the worst possible thing ever just happened to you, you gave him that same sweet smile he craved every time he saw you. “let’s walk to your house together. i have an umbrella we can try and fit under.”

he looked at you incredulously. “no no! it’s okay! you live down the street i don’t want to make you walk thirty minutes in the rain with me and thirty back-”

“it’s okay!” you laughed. “i would never leave you here by yourself yu, you know that.”

oh how he loved when you called him that.

his shoulders slowly relaxed, a wobbly cute smile spreading across his face, his cheeks a fuzzy pink. “okay.”

you walked together in a comfortable silence, your little umbrella just barely covering the both of you and yuta’s cheeks were still an intense pinky shade due to the close proximity, his steamy breath basically fanning the side of your ear as he huddled close to you.

after a few minutes spent walking on the sidewalk, yuta spoke up again.

“why are your eyes red?”

you immediately froze, but relaxed quickly.

“just tired s’all,” you responded weakly, but the little wobbling of your bottom lip told him otherwise.

yuta slowly lifted his hand and reached out, placing it softly on top of yours and clenching over the stem of the umbrella. the action caused you both to stop walking, your curious eyes snapping to his.

his palm felt like it was on absolute fire at the feeling of your soft hand under his, yuta’s breath trembling as he breathed out.

he swallowed. “can you please tell me why.”

your eyes flooded with tears then, and you shut them tightly as you dropped your forehead solemnly to rest against his shoulder, your frame shaking with quiet sobs escaping your lips.

yuta’s eyes softened and he quickly took the umbrella from you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a tight hug. his heart thumped so hard against his chest that he could hear it ringing through his ears.

he patted the back of your head gently. “what happened? what’s going on?”

you shook your head against his chest.

“y/n..” he sighed worriedly, running a soothing hand over your shaking back now.

“i have a crush on your brother,” you sobbed.

he knew. god he knew. but hearing you say it out loud broke his heart ten times more than it did when he found out on his own.

yuta slightly pulled back, bending his knees a little to look at you at eye level, his hand on your shoulder.

“i know.”

your eyebrows furrowed, more silent tears spilling from your eyes. “you know?”

yuta nodded, smiling sadly at you as he wiped your tears with his thumb, your eyes closing as he did so. “i spend almost every second of my life with you, of course i know. i noticed.”

you sniffed.

“weren’t you just with him now?” he asked.

your eyes shut tightly again, eyebrows contorted in pain as you nodded. “i confessed to him. i wanted to tell him before we graduated next month.”

you lifted your hands and covered your face, sobbing into them. “i’ve loved him since middle school.”

loved?

yuta’s shoulders slumped as he stared straight ahead, feeling like he wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole and stay there.

“he-“ you hiccuped. “he rejected me.”

his head snapped down immediately, eyebrows furrowing in a mix of disbelief and anger. “huh? he rejected you?”

you nodded, dropping your hands from your eyes and burying your head in his chest.

“why? what did he say?”

“he said he didn’t feel the same way—” you stopped for a moment to even out your breaths. “and that he was sorry.”

yuta scoffed, shaking his head. “what a big fucking loser.”

you snorted at that, and he looked down at you fondly, relieved you laughed.

“he… he thanked me for everything that i’ve done for your family though, especially you.”

he stayed silent.

“he said he was thankful that i was like another sibling for you, and that i took care of you.”

another sibling?

yuta didn’t say anything, that phrase like a slash through his heart while he still thought about how much of a fucking idiot he was to reject you. you, out of anyone deserved to get everything you wanted. you were selfless, incredibly sweet, the most gorgeous human being to ever walk this earth, and you had done so much for everyone that you neglected your own needs all of the time.

how could he not love you back? how could his brother not see the angel in his life that loved him, that sentiment alone an absolute privilege to have? something he would kill for?

yuta knew he shouldn’t make this about himself. he knew you were absolutely hurting and heartbroken, but he just had to know. it was eating him alive inside and out and over and over again as he kept thinking about it.

“is that how you see me?”

“hu-huh?” you hiccuped, picking your head up from his chest to look at him.

“as another sibling. is that how you see me?”

you blinked up at him, your eyes trailing over his furrowed eyebrows and worried gaze, and you hesitated for a moment, not knowing exactly why.

but you nodded, slowly. “you’re my best friend, yu. you’re not just anyone to me i care a lot about you. more than most people in my life.”

for a moment, yuta looked at you blankly, his mind unable to properly register your words. he didn’t know whether he wanted to cry, call up his brother and yell at him, kiss you, or run away.

a part of him knew that too, that you only saw him as a sibling. but like everything else in his life, he buried it down and chose to pretend like it didn’t exist for the sake of his heart.

but regardless of you not returning his feelings, he would rather be something to you than nothing at all. he would rather make some type of difference in your life and have a special spot, than be an absolute nobody to you.

so he smiled. he smiled with soft sad eyes and nodded, pulling you back in and resting his cheek against the top of your head. “you’re my best friend too.”

yuta didn’t see you around much at his house after that, which he understood.

but you still texted yuta everyday and hung out with him sometimes at school, and you still went to his games and practices and made him ham sandwiches after, and you still gave him that sweet smile he loved so so much.

but he never missed how sad you got around his brother, even at the mere mention of him. he never missed how your eyes stayed glued to the ground or had a far off look to them, your arms wrapped around yourself with a safe distance between you both.

when you graduated high school, yuta was a brat the entire ceremony. he was pissed. so pissed that you were two years older than him and that he wasn’t going to see your pretty self around school anymore, which was pretty much the only reason he tolerated it in the first place.

but when your graduating class threw their caps up into the air and his family went down to congratulate his brother, yuta made a beeline for you instead.

and behind that scowl on his face that he had the entire day, his eyes were glossy.

yuta never cried.

when you noticed, your shoulders instantly dropped and you ran to his open arms, practically throwing yourself on him. “yuuu! don’t cry for me!”

“who said i’m crying?” yuta grumbled into your shoulder.

you pulled back and smiled at him, “i’m gonna miss you the most.”

yuta smiled, but then faltered, and a sliver of fear shot up his spine. was this the last time he was going to see you? was this the start of you both slowly distancing, and then ultimately falling apart? were you still going to call him and text him everyday?

as if you could sense his fear, you quickly shook your head. “you’re literally stuck with me for life. you will never find another best friend to replace me, you got it?”

you waved your little index finger at him sternly, and yuta laughed. “i got it.”

yuta was nineteen when he almost kissed you.

after you graduated high school, luckily you went to a college that was only about a thirty minute drive from his place. you were still in yuta’s life, if not way more than it was before, which he thanked his lucky stars for. you went from being a best friend of his brothers, to being only his best friend, as you and his brother didn’t really talk anymore after high school.

and to that, yuta was happy.

and when he graduated high school, you of course were there, crying and pinching his cheeks and hugging him so tight his back cracked a little bit.

he didn’t go to the same college you did (although he definitely tried but didn’t get in) and went to one that was about forty five minutes away from home, one he commuted to everyday like you did for yours.

you both got so much closer that you obliviously acted like a couple, when you weren’t. yuta would pick you up from class and drive you to lunch, pay for all of your meals and anything you practically wanted despite you fighting him every time on it. he would kiss your forehead and your cheek and throw his arm around your shoulder when you walked, he would call you baby and compliment you every single day, and he would sleep over at your house almost all of the time, your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around your torso.

he knew best friends weren’t really supposed to act like this, but did you? you both had grown so accustomed to it that it wasn’t a weird thing for you both, but the constant questions from your mutual friends or even each others parents was a dead giveaway that it in fact, was not how best friends were supposed to act.

but neither of you seemed to care.

“stop moving yu!” you whispered harshly as you applied an aloe vera mud mask to his face. yuta snickered, dodging your fingers every time they came close to applying the mask, with the only reason he was doing it being because it made you laugh.

you were both sat on your fluffy pink rug in the middle of your room in your pajamas, surrounded by all of your skincare essentials and even the fancy products you only pulled out on special occasions. it was one in the morning at this point and you both were still up, trying to keep your laughter to a minimum in attempts at not waking up your parents downstairs.

“baby this stuff smells kind of funky,” he commented as you applied some to his cheek.

“the funkier the better,” you responded, focused. “kind of smells like you.”

he pinched your side and you giggled, flinching away. “i’m kidding! i’m almost done, don’t move.”

yuta listened and stayed still, watching your concentrated pretty face that was practically inches away from his as you applied the mask to the rest of his face, his poor heart almost giving out.

once you were done, you smiled triumphantly and wiped your fingers with a warm damp towel. “all done!”

yuta smiled fondly at you and kissed your cheek. “thanks. is this what you put on every night?”

you shook your head, “not every night, only when i want my skin to look extra good for special occasions.”

“which is..?”

“it’s usually when you invite me over to your family events or when we eat dinner at that one really nice place by your school.”

yuta stopped at that and he felt his heart clench at your words. he didn’t know why and he usually didn’t let it, but his mind was making him believe that maybe…

no.

he relaxed again, humming in acknowledgement. you picked up a circular pink little tub compartment thing and unscrewed the cap, dipping your ring finger in the shimmery product.

“what’s that?” he asked softly, nodding his head to it.

“it’s my lip scrub!” you responded enthusiastically, lifting your ring finger and scooting closer to him. his eyes looked straight at you as you slid your finger over his lips. “it has kind of like a rough texture, it’s supposed to exfoliate your lips and make them really soft.”

his cheeks slowly turned pink, his eyes trailing down to your lips as you sat back, finished.

“here— put some on me now so you can feel what i’m talking about,” you handed him the little tub and he dipped his index finger in, swallowing the lump in his throat.

he timidly lifted his hand and pressed his finger to your waiting perfect lips, softly and gently running the product on your bottom lip before going to the top, his eyes mesmerized and nearly drooling.

yuta was practically tracing you, wanting to burn forever the shape of your mouth into his brain to remember for the rest of his life, wanting nothing more than to press his lips on yours.

but he inhaled sharply and quickly dropped his hand. “i’m finished.”

you pressed your lips together and spread the product around, “did you feel it?”

he shakily nodded, wiping his finger on the warm damp towel before handing it over for you to do the same.

you held up a corner of the towel to his lips and gently wiped the scrub away, “and now they’re soft.”

you passed the towel back over to him, and you sat back, eagerly waiting for him to do the same.

yuta swallowed again and mimicked you, except he was much slower, much more gentle over your plush lips as he subconsciously leaned closer to you that by the time he was done, his nose almost bumped with yours.

with eyes half lidded, he stared at your lips in a daze, licking his bottom lip slightly as you looked at him with wide eyes. he wanted to, so badly, to just grab your face and press your lips together, to pour the love he’s had for you for the past four years out and cherish you with everything that he has.

“yu?” you spoke softly, your voice barely above a whisper, your breath fanning against his lips.

his eyes immediately snapped to yours and he flinched back like a deer in headlights. “so— so when do i take this off?” he pointed to his face. “the mud mask.. when does it come off?”

you looked at him curiously, your eyebrows slightly pinched together as you tried to make sense of what was happening, if anything even really happened.

“almost..” you responded, unfocused. “in about five minutes.”

yuta quickly nodded and pressed his lips into a thin line, his hands clenched so hard into tight fists that his knuckles turned white.

he couldn’t look you in the eye. what the fuck was he doing? he was going to scare you away if he kept doing things like this, if he kept almost slipping up and doing something that could jeopardize your friendship with him.

your trust.

you nudged his shoulder with your finger, and he finally looked at you.

“is the face mask bothering you that much?” you said with a silly smile, and yuta physically deflated, affection pumping through his system.

“no baby,” he shook his head. “i like it! i think i should keep it on for the rest of the night and go to class with it tomorrow morning.”

you snorted and shook your head, “don’t be mean.”

he raised his hands up frantically, “i’m not! you think everybody has the privilege of getting a free facial by their pretty best friend?” he held up his index finger and wiggled it side to side. “i don’t think so.”

you giggled, so much, and grabbed the warm damp towel again, scooting closer to him by your knees. you began wiping away the mask on his face, being careful of not going too rough in fear of accidentally irritating and hurting him. yuta held you by the hips, assisting in keeping your balance and rubbing little circles into your stomach with his thumbs.

your cheeks went a little pink after a bit.

as the rest of the night went on, and when you both finally settled into bed facing each other— his hand on the side of your hip, you softly traced the rather dark bags under his eyes and frowned.

“you need to get more sleep, yu. i think you’ve had these bags since you were fifteen.”

“it’s because i always grind so i can buy you a big white house with a wiener dog and a picket fence.”

you laughed a little too loud and slapped a hand over your mouth, leaning forward and resting your forehead against his as your shoulders shook. when you settled down, you removed your hand and smiled sweetly.

“only if the house comes with you.”

yuta’s breath hitched, and his eyes searched yours desperately, for any indication that maybe, just maybe, you…

no.

“what… you want me as a roommate?”

you playfully rolled your eyes and gently shoved his shoulder.

yuta was twenty years old when he confessed to you.

it was also the first big fight you guys ever had in your entire years of knowing each other.

your relationship stayed the same, two peas in a little pod through college that never seemed to go to one place without the other, so much so that when you did, people would often ask where the other half was. he loved it. he loved you so much, and he found it harder and harder and more heart breaking for him as the years went by watching you not be his in any way shape or form.

every time he visited your campus or went with you to your college parties, he noticed the lurking eyes it seemed like every guy had on you everywhere you went, and it agitated yuta more than anything else. he was still a stubborn brat, and instead of doing something about it and maybe telling you how he feels, he just endures the pain and scowls at their glances, leading you through crowds by the hand or by the small of your back.

he never really indulged in the traditional college experience like you did, and never ever talked to any other girl besides you. he never wanted to or had any interest in doing so, regardless of you returning his feelings or not. you also never really talked to any other guy besides yuta or made any mention of your dating life, people mostly assuming you both were.

yuta weaved through the crowd, trying to spot a place for the both of you to sit while you went to get drinks from the kitchen. upon finally breaking free from the pile of dancing sweaty bodies, he recognized one of your girl friends and a couple of others sitting on a long lounge sofa, her eyes perking up.

“y/n’s boyfriend! you came?”

he stopped a bit, then smiled wide.

“yeah! she’s in the kitchen now by the way, she’ll be over here in a second.”

and when you did come over, already a bit tipsy from the line of shots you got pulled into while getting drinks, you walked over to where yuta sat while greeting your friends, handing him a red solo cup. and instead of sitting in the spot yuta had saved for you right beside him, you settled neatly on his lap.

his eyes nearly bulged out of their eye sockets as you swung an arm around his shoulders for support and made yourself comfortable. you had never done something like this, and he swallowed the huge lump in his throat as trembling hands settled around your waist and over your lap. his arm tingled with the feeling of your thighs underneath, afraid to put his hands anywhere near them in fear of making you uncomfortable or accidentally grabbing your face and making out with you.

but the chance of that happening wasn’t anywhere near impossible, as he was already tipsy by his drink and his hand was already gently caressing over the skin of your soft plush thighs.

best friends don’t do things like this.

and he did not give a single fuck.

your boobs were practically shoved up in his face, his pinky cheeks absolutely blazing as his eyes darted to every corner of the house and anywhere else that wasn’t your tits, his lips itching to feel, to taste.

the night progressed and the both of you got increasingly more and more drunk, clinging on to each other on the couch or stumbling through the house, laughing when one of you would trip and almost face plant on the hardwood floors, leaning on to each other for support.

“your boyfriend almost knocked over the tub of tropical mix in the kitchen!” your girl friend yelled over the loud booming music, laughing.

yuta expected you to correct her, but you didn’t, and only laughed along with her.

“no it wasn’t him! it was me,” you giggled drunkenly, your arms around his neck as his were tight around your waist, your group standing off to the side of the dance floor. “he had to grab me and pull me from it!”

and that’s how it often was, just you and him. you taking care of him and him taking care of you in every way possible, trying to pay you back for all of the years you spent being there for him when he was younger and way more, simply because he wanted to.

and on a night where yuta was studying for finals in his room, his brother that was visiting from college came in and sat down on the edge of his bed.

“you studying?” he asked.

yuta nodded, not bothering to take his eyes away from his notebook, still scribbling down his notes. he never really had the best relationship with his brother, much less after what had happened with you getting rejected by him.

his brother took a deep breath through his nose and nodded. “i um… are you still friends with y/n?”

that caught his attention, and yuta’s eyes lifted from his notes to look at him. “yes? i’m with her like, most of the time. if you haven’t noticed.”

“no i have,” his brother murmured. “how is she?”

yuta took a second to respond. “she’s good.”

“that’s good that’s good. does she um- does she still have the same number?”

yuta put down his pencil and leaned back against his desk chair. “why?”

“i wanted to just catch up with her is all,” he shrugged. “i saw her when you brought her here for mom’s birthday and i hadn’t seen her since graduation.”

“catch up with her?” yuta mumbled. “since when do you give a shit about y/n?”

his brother scoffed. “i always have, yuta.”

“didn’t seem like it when you rejected her and started dating one of her close friends like the next day.”

his brother didn’t say anything, and yuta rolled his eyes at the lack of response, picking his pencil back up to continue his work.

“i still have her on social media and see what she’s up to… she posts you a lot. are you guys like— a thing?”

yuta bit the inside of his cheek. “no.”

his brother visibly relaxed for whatever reason and nodded. “i just want to talk to her again, is all. maybe buy her dinner—”

yuta pushed his textbook away, dropped his pencil again and spun around, looking at him with narrowed eyes. “fuck no.”

his brother scoffed. “i’m not asking for permission—”

“fuck no.”

“yuta i’m your brother i literally took you to school everyday and took care of you—”

“y/n did that.” yuta cut him off. “y/n gave me rides to school when i didn’t have my license and bought me food when i didn’t have a job. she also came to every single one of my games regardless of the weather and helped me with my homework when i was too stupid to figure it out on my own, everything you should’ve done.”

“that’s not true—”

“yes it is.” yuta crossed his arms in annoyance. “she didn’t have to do any of that. she never had to take care of me the way that she did but she did it anyways. she took on your role because you were too busy being a dingus doing god knows what and she knew that. y/n has done more for me than you’ve ever done in your entire twenty two years of living.”

his brother sat there in silence, yuta’s heavy angry breathing being the only thing heard in the room.

“okay well—” his brother stood from his bed and walked over to the door. “i’m just going to text her—”

“why the fuck are you gonna meddle into her life now? what… are you bored? are you not satisfied with whatever fucking girl you find up there at school?” yuta threw his arms up in irritation, his blood beginning to boil. “you treated her like shit. like absolute dog shit when you ignored her and avoided her for months after she confessed to you. do you understand how disrespectful that is?”

“whatever man it was high school—”

“and what, that gives you a pass to treat her like that? when that happened i was sixteen picking up the pieces you shit all over at your grown age—”

“i’m leaving.”

and with that, his brother walked out and slammed the door shut, and yuta was left absolutely red. red with anger he had never felt before in his life as he grabbed his notebook and chucked it across the room. he hated how casual he spoke of you, like you were just another girl he was going to try and get to know and fuck— to then leave without another word like his brother’s been doing his whole fucking life to girls. but not to you, it couldn’t happen to you.

and it was like yuta was going through the five stages of grief because then he was afraid. what if you let his brother back into your life? what if you fell for him again? you’d done it before the chances were not zero of you doing it again.

yuta didn’t want to lose you. he would rather gauge his eyes out and eat them for breakfast.

with that, yuta stumbled through his room putting on his shoes and snatching his car keys from his night stand, running down the hall and slamming the front door shut before getting in his car.

the drive was only about fifteen minutes to your house, and he felt so bad that it was nearly two in the morning and he was most likely going to wake you up, but he couldn’t stand it. he was going absolutely crazy, everything in him gnawing and eating him alive, his brother having pushed every single button in his body and more.

his tires screeched as he pulled into your driveway, thankful that your parents were away on a getaway trip as he slammed his car door shut and made his way up to your front door. yuta rang your doorbell twice before you finally opened it.

slowly, you peeked your tired eye through the slit, and your body immediately relaxed at the sight of him. “oh my god yuta, you scared the absolute shit out of—”

you stopped, your face falling at his livid expression and the way his chest heaved erratically. “yu? are you okay? what’s going on—”

but yuta only pushed passed you and trudged up your stairs without another word. dumbstruck, you closed your front door with a click and locked it, following him up the stairs and into your room.

“what’s wrong?”

“my brother is visiting from college.” he mumbled, sitting stiff on your desk chair. you moved to stand in front of him.

“…you mentioned that yeah—”

“and he… he told me that he wants to reach out to you.”

your eyebrows furrowed, taken aback. “me? for what?”

“he says he wants to catch up with you, see how you’re doing. be friends again i guess.”

yuta’s eyes remained stuck to the floor like glue, and you remained silent as you processed his words, confused out of your mind.

“i mean… i mean i guess? i guess that’s fine—”

his head snapped up, “that’s fine?”

you shrugged, “yes? i don’t see the big deal i don’t—”

“baby—” he shook his head in disbelief. “he absolutely broke you and treated you like nothing in high school, and you’re fine letting him back into your life? great.”

you narrowed your eyes at him. “why are you being like that? he just wants to be friends again and that’s fine with me—”

yuta scoffed. “he doesn’t deserve it! he doesn’t deserve you—”

“yuta, whatever happened between your brother and i was years ago! i’m over it! this isn’t a big fucking deal!”

you hated fighting with him, god how much you hated it, and the way that he looked at you now was making you absolutely sick.

“so you’re just gonna be friends with him again?” he shrugged, looking at you with narrowed eyes.

“yeah?”

“you’re fucking stupid,” he spat, getting up from your desk chair and walking over to the door, reaching for your doorknob.

you instantly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to face you. “what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“what’s wrong with me?!” he raised his voice, jabbing a finger to his chest. “what’s wrong with you! do you not remember how bad you got when he did what he did?! do you really think i would stand here okay with you rekindling your little love for my brother?”

you scoffed, “my little love?!”

and before you knew it, angry tears were streaming down your face. you hated the way he was talking to you, and you didn’t know how your argument escalated so quickly and so drastically as you wiped your cheeks furiously.

and at the sight of you crying, yuta faltered slightly, his eyes softening.

“why do you think i still love him? i don’t! i haven’t since he rejected me!—”

“who says you won’t start again?” he spoke lowly, arms crossed over his chest. “my brother never had to lift a fucking finger for you to be head over heels for him. you don’t give a shit about yourself and you’re willing to throw yourself at him again—”

“shut up.” you spat, sobs raking through your body. “the fact that you’re stuffing a bunch of fucking words into my mouth and assuming i’m going to jump into your brothers arms is bullshit.”

“i—”

“is this how low you think of me?”

“no baby i don’t—”

“yes you clearly do because everything that’s come out of your mouth—”

“no! no i’m sorry i don’t—”

“then why—”

yuta shoved his hands into his hair exasperated, “because i love you!”

he let his arms fall limp, his eyes glossy and red with the most gut wrenching look on his face that read pure exhaustion. you had never seen him so torn.

“i love you and i love you and i have since since i was fifteen,” his voice shook with each word, hands trembling at his sides. “more than a best friend, more than anything in this world, and i never saw you like another sibling like you did for me.”

“fi.. fifteen?” you spoke so softly he almost didn’t hear you.

he nodded sadly, silent tears slipping down his cheeks and you automatically reached up, softly wiping them away with your thumbs as he closed his eyes, much like how yuta did when you got your heart broken by his brother on that rainy day.

yuta never cried.

“i swallowed it. you loved my brother and i swallowed it. i didn’t give a shit if you only saw me as a sibling because i would rather make some type of mark in your life and be in it than not have you at all. but i can’t take it anymore.”

he let out a sob, and he instantly shoved his face in the crook of his arm in embarrassment.

“yu…”

“you mean absolutely everything to me baby,” his voice was muffled a bit by his elbow, and after roughly wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his sweater, he dropped his arm to look at you again. “i would do absolutely a-anything for you. you’re precious to me and the prettiest girl i have ever laid my eyes on and will ever lay my eyes on.”

he hiccuped and crossed his arms over his chest, staring up at your ceiling. “but i know you don’t love me like i love you. i’ve known for years and i just can’t bring myself to let you go. it’s so bad that i would rather you break my heart over and over again than let you go for the sake of my wellbeing and watch you walk out of my life—”

“yuta, can you please look at me?”

“i— i can’t,” he shook his head as his voice trembled, tears slipping from the sides of his eyes as he continued to stare at your ceiling. “i can’t do it—”

you slowly reached out and cupped his wet cheeks in the palm of your hands, tilting his face down gently to look at you, your eyes filled with remorse at the defeated look on his face.

“why didn’t you tell me?” you asked softly. “why didn’t you tell you were hurting so much?”

he shook his head slowly in your hands. “it’s not fair to you. i didn’t want to put you in a difficult position—”

“what difficult position, yu?” you spoke so gently, so sweetly to him that he almost fell to his knees. “how could you have kept this in for five years? i can’t even imagine—” you hiccuped, “i hate that you were hurting because of me-“

your voice began to contort again into sobs, and he quickly shook his head. “no baby no, it was not because of you, you did nothing wrong. you did the exact opposite.”

you wiped more of his tears with your fingers as he spoke, listening intently.

“no one gave a shit about me the way you did. not even my own parents, and not even my stupid brother that pretended like i practically didn’t exist. you were the only one that was there and you didn’t have to be. you could’ve easily ditched me at any given point and you never did, and i can’t thank you enough for giving me a reason to keep going.”

he wiped his eyes. “and that’s why i fell in love with you so hard because you were so selfless and sweet and i love your smile. i don’t think i could ever make up for everything you’ve done—”

“but you have!—” you interjected, but yuta only shook his head.

“no i haven’t. i’m a stubborn asshole who just said a bunch of shit five minutes ago that i didn’t mean and i only hurt you and i never wanted that—”

“yuta.” you spoke firmly. “you’ve literally done more for me than anyone else in my entire life and i hate that you can’t see that or give yourself credit. you were there for me when i went absolutely insane after your brother rejected me even though you loved me then. you put your own feelings aside to take care of me baby..”

you softly took his hands and led him to sit with you on the bed, wiping his wet cheeks with your sleeve.

“do you not remember when even though you didn’t have a job, any chance you got money you would spend it on me instead of yourself?” you laughed softly. “the minute you got your license you drove me anywhere i wanted… and even to little things like the store because you said you didn’t want me to spend gas money.”

yuta slightly smiled.

“you never ditched me either, when there was every opportunity you could’ve. you always make sure i eat and get enough sleep… and you make me so happy yu, i wish you could see how much i miss you when you’re not around.”

he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and leaned in, softly planting a kiss to your cheek. you smiled warmly.

“who told you i didn’t love you back?”

yuta froze. “you did?”

“when?”

“the day my brother rejected you?” he cocked his head to the side. “i had asked you if you saw me as another sibling and you said yes.”

you threw your head back and moaned, “oh my god yu, of course in that moment because i was stupid and into your brother and i had just gotten rejected!”

you deflated and smiled at him warmly then, your eyes shining with emotions he didn’t allow himself to believe were there. for five years, yuta forced himself to believe you could never return his feelings as a form of protection, and now there was a huge wall in his brain that was itching to come down.

you scooted closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, your foreheads touching. “ask me again.”

“hm?” he was dazed, wide eyes staring into yours.

“ask me that question again,” you spoke softly. “the one from that day.”

yuta swallowed thickly, his breathing shaky through his nose, reiterating the phrase he played through his head like a broken record since it happened.

“as another sibling…” he murmured. “is that how you see me?”

you shook your head gently against his forehead, “no… to me—” you leaned back slightly and tilted your head to the side. “you look like the man i’ve been in love with for the past three years.”

silence. nothing.

and then, his eyes welled with tears as he tackled you down and just cried. he cried and he cried into your neck and shook like a little leaf, you holding him so unbelievably tight as your bottom lip wobbled. yuta’s arms were snaked around you as he held you with just as much force if not more.

half a decade. half a decade yuta spent hopelessly lovesick for you that your words burned over his entire body like a fever, his mind reeling and hazy. he held on to you so fucking tight and refused to let go of you, in fear that this was all just some horrendous sick dream and he was going to wake up alone in his bed without you.

you placed a hand on the back of his head as you hugged him, “i love you so much yuta that sometimes i feel like im going nuts.” you laughed softly. “it was always you… it’s been you that’s why i said earlier that i didn’t care if your brother wanted to be friends again, because i love you and i don’t give a shit about him and i’m sorry i made you upset—”

“no,” he lifted his head from the crook of your neck and looked at you, his cheeks flushed with dried up tears and red eyes. “that was just me being an absolute dick and scared of re-living high school all over again. i took that out on you and that wasn’t fair at all, baby. i’m sorry.”

you carded your fingers through his hair. “we both have things to be sorry about, and a lot of years to make up for.”

and finally, yuta grinned so big that his cheeks hurt.

“can i—“ he exhaled shakily. “can i kiss you?”

“please.”

and he smashed his lips against yours, greedily kissing you with so much desperation as he lip locked with you, his hands squeezing and roaming your body. the sound of your lips smacking was loud, and his kisses were so needy and sloppy against your soft plush lips that you squeaked at the intensity. you felt him grin again at your noise and he pulled away from you.

“i’ve wanted this for so long…” he breathed out, his breath fanning against your face as you tried to recover from what was probably the best kiss of your life. you nodded frantically, too dazed and caught up in the thought of his mouth on yours to respond with sentences that made sense.

he chuckled cutely at this, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i love you and i love you.”

and since then, it was like the final wall had finally crumbled down, and yuta began to live like he was supposed to, like he was meant to, with you. his days of yearning and silent torment were over, and most of the time it still felt like a dream whenever he was by your side.

things stayed relatively the same between you two, as you now acknowledge how much of a couple you both actually were acting prior to yuta’s confession. the only major difference now though, was that yuta earned the privilege to call you his and give you sweet kisses as he picked you up from class, or when you make and hand him those ham sandwiches you always do just for him, only this time adorned with a honeyed kiss of your own.

sitting on his living room couch now, your head resting on his lap as a random horror movie played in the background, yuta’s fingers gently brushed over the features of your face as you stared at the tv, his eyes stuck to you like sticky lovesick glue.

you turned your head to look at him after a bit. “why don’t you start playing soccer again?” you hummed. “is there a team at your school?”

yuta nodded, “there is baby.”

“why don’t you try out?” you smiled sweetly at him, and his heart ached. “i always loved watching you play. i miss it.”

“okay,” he tapped your nose. “just for you.”

you rolled your eyes playfully. “and i’ll start dragging your brother with me again.”

yuta’s eyes flung open as his jaw dropped, and you snorted, giggling uncontrollably as he tickled and pinched at your sides. “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! i’d rather die.”

he let out a boyish laugh, his eyes sparkling as he looked down at you. “as much as i hate him, i can’t thank him enough for being a stupid dingus.”

you quirked an eyebrow, “thank him? why?”

yuta gently and softly pinched one of your cheeks as he smiled at you, and it was then that you noticed the bags under his eyes were nearly gone. he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips, moving some of your hair away from your face after he did so.

“because he brought you to me.”

and you smiled, that same radiant sweet smile that made him fall in love with you in the first place, as you reached up and ran a tender finger under where his eye bags once stood, your voice light and airy as you spoke—

“i love you and i love you, yuta.”

[gojonanami]

𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐇 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ! - masterlist

‧ ˚. welcome to jujutsu tech university's course catalog, a list of classes offered by our esteemed (and hot) professors. from slow burn to pining to enemies to lovers, and even more to come, we offer it all! all course descriptions for courses in progress are subject to change.

a/n: this is a masterlist for my prof au! for jjk. all will be one or more parts and 18+ only. prof gojo (1) is coming soon :).

other courses planned: yuta okkotsu (t.a.), nanami kento (literature/math(?)), hiromi higuruma (criminal law), choso kamo (phlebotomy) and more (send in an ask if you have ideas!)

‧ ˚. 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆 :

CODE TITLE PHIL403 THE ETHICS OF RELATIONSHIPS (SUGURU GETO)

COURSE DESCRIPTION: Professor Suguru Geto is a renown ethics professor, and you're a 4.0, straight A student whose GPA he's trying to ruin (or that's what you think). Instead of dropping the class, you're more intent on making him see your brilliance — but you get more than you bargained for, when the two of you learn more about the other — and what you owe to each other.

SATISFIES REQUIREMENT(S): 18+ ONLY, AGE GAP, STUDENT-TEACHER RELATIONSHIP, SLOW BURN, LOVE TRIANGLE, ONLY ONE BED, MUTUAL PINING STATUS: AVAILABLE / COMPLETE

PHYS143 THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION (SATORU GOJO)

COURSE DESCRIPTION: Professor Satoru Gojo was used to getting everything he wanted -- so when he took an extended sabbatical, forced to attend yet another symposium to mitigate the failure of his research, he wanted nothing more than to blow it off. Until he met you - someone who matches him in pace and wits, and makes him want only one thing - you. So when he has you and returns to his university, why is it he's the only one seemingly pining?

SATISFIES REQUIREMENT(S): 18+ ONLY, ONE NIGHT STAND GONE WRONG, BOSS X EMPLOYEE, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, DEPT HEAD X PROF, SUB!GOJO, PINING, MORE TO COME STATUS: AVAILABLE / INCOMPLETE

[seravphs]

ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — YUTA x FEM READER 

You’ve been trying to get a boyfriend to get over your one sided crush, but being known as Yuta’s girl across campus is a major cockblock for your romantic endeavours. The worst part? You’re not even dating.

wc — 4.8k

tags — pining, childhood friends to lovers, jealous Yuta, possessiveness, college au, Getou #1 wingman Suguru but only cause he gets a kick out of watching Yuta suffer, Yuta and you are so delusional, some suggestive content

♫: cologne — beabadoobee

This is the fifth boy that’s turned you down so far. You’re starting to wonder if something’s wrong with you. 

As with all of your woes, it ends with you at Yuta’s apartment. Is it pathetic to be comforted for your failed attempts at flirting by the boy you’re in love with? Very. Do you trust anyone else but Yuta not to make fun of you? No. 

“Yuta,” you whine into his stomach. He’s sitting on the couch with his legs tucked neatly together to form a cushion for your head. “Am I ugly?” 

He drops his controller instantly, muttering a quick sorry to Inumaki who’s suddenly left single handedly defending their team against the enslaught of monsters. “Why would you say that?” 

He pinches your cheeks between two fingers, squishing your face until your lips form an ‘o’. “You’re the prettiest girl in the world! Anyone would be lucky to have you.” 

Clearly not, or Yuta would have you. He’s just saying that because he has to. He’s your best friend.

“Did someone say something to you?” He asks. 

“So you do think I’m ugly!” 

Yuta grabs you by the wrists and hauls you upright so you’re face to face on the couch, knees uncomfortably entangled with his as you’re forced to sit up. He’s too earnest, too eager as he presses your hands together in his grip and says, “Everything about you is pretty! I never want to hear you say that again. Don’t disparage the eyes and lips and nose that I love.” 

This is the reason why you can never get over him. How can you when he says things like that? If you hadn’t known Yuta since you were five, you would say he was leading you on. But because you’ve grown up together, you know it’s just the way he is, like the sky is blue or the sun is warm. Yuta just loves you - but not like that. Not in the way you want. 

Never in the way you want. 

It’s been difficult. You and Yuta have no secrets between you, or at least you used to. It’s a side effect of growing up practically out of the same womb. What’s his is yours and vice versa. When you share everything with each other, it goes against your very nature to hold things back. Your secret strains at your lips, climbing up your throat, constantly begging to be set free even as you suppress it. 

“You’re making me sad,” he says, poking at your cheek at your silence. He’s trying to provoke you. “Why can’t you see yourself the way I do?” 

Normally he can get a smile out of you under any circumstance, so it distresses him not to be able to cheer you up instantly. He’s your best friend, the only one you have. You’ve been together your entire lives. Would telling him really change everything? 

You want to trust him more than the fear that he would reject you. Even if he can’t love you back the way that you want him to, at least this nightmare would be over. You could learn to accept what he was willing to give you, in time. Isn’t it a slight against the love you share to doubt him like this? 

But you’re scared. A childhood friend is irreplaceable. You can make new friends, but you can never get another Yuta. You’ll never be able to replicate the way he’s shared all of the bumps and bruises of your childhood with someone else. His mother has a box of your baby teeth that she keeps with her mementoes of his childhood. Who else can you say that about? You can’t risk it. 

“Yuta. Stop flirting and get your ass back in the game before we die!” 

Inumaki’s normally quiet voice hits a volume so loud it echoes through the headset. Yuta winces. Sorry, he mouthes at you. Talk later. 

God damn it, Inumaki. You were so close. 

“It’s not my fault,” he says through a mouthful of rice at lunch the next day. “How was I supposed to know that’s what you guys were talking about? I thought you guys were making your usual goo goo eyes at each other, not making breakthroughs.” 

“To be fair,” Panda says. “We never thought you were going to make a breakthrough, so it can’t be Inumaki’s fault.” 

“Ouch,” you rest your head against the cool linoleum of the table. “Way to let me down easy, guys.” 

“Come on,” Inumaki pushes his miso soup at you in a show of contrition. “You know we’re just joking.” 

“I know, I’m just annoyed cause you’re right - keep your mouth shut, Inumaki. He’s never going to see me that way.” 

“Didn’t you just jump from friend to potentially attractive friend? Sounds like a win to me,” Inumaki says. 

“For anyone else, yeah. For Yuta, it probably just means he’s going to start setting me up with his friends so I realize I’m pretty.” 

Inumaki and Panda share a look. You know the look. It means they think you’re being dumb. 

You steal Panda’s soup too as payback. 

Inumaki and Panda are easy to talk to about Yuta. More often than not, they’re the ones who bring up your relationship woes first because Inumaki loves teasing you and Panda secretly loves rom coms.

It’s a complete contrast from your other best friend. You’re too scared to tell Maki about the latest development in your relationship because she hates hearing about it. She’s a good friend who cares about you and your feelings, or so she claims, but she can’t stand watching you drag your feet. 

“Just confess already,” she hisses, using her textbook to shield her face from the professor. 

“I can’t! It’ll ruin everything!” 

“Don’t be a baby,” she snaps back, unaware of the professor walking towards her. You try to gesture at her to shut up, but she’s too focused on saying her piece. 

“Ladies. Would you like to continue your riveting discussion outside?” 

Even getting kicked out of class isn’t a deterrent for Maki. “Fine. You won’t confess to Yuta. What about your other plan?”

“No one will talk to me because they think I’m dating Yuta,” you wail as quietly as possible. 

“You serious?” She squints at you. “I’m telling you, just confess at that point.”

You shake your head vehemently. 

“Fine! Ignore me if you want to, but you see that guy coming our way? Try it one more time so I can see.” 

Maki pushes you down the path towards him before you can say no. You have an inkling how this is going to go based off the five previous times you’ve tried this, but Maki’s stare is drilling holes into the back of your head. 

“Hey,” you smile. 

“No thanks,” he says immediately. “Just save yourself the trouble. No one’s stupid enough to go after Yuta’s girl.” 

“Yuta’s girl? What does Yuta have to do with anything? Why does everyone keep saying that to me?!” 

“Bark up the right tree enough times and eventually you’ll find the devil.” 

“…I think the saying is ‘if you knock on enough doors, the devil will answer.’ How did you even come up with that?” 

“I’m just saying! Feels like the answer’s obvious to me, Yuta’s girl.” 

“Argh!” You march back to Maki, who’s giggling to herself. You just hope that at least she’ll be able to help you after that embarrassing little display. “So? What’s your advice?”

“Huh? Oh, I didn’t have advice. I just wanted to see it happen in real time.” 

Maki’s no help, either. 

The problem with being in love with Yuta is he doesn’t even allow you the grace of trying to get over him. No one will touch with you a ten foot pole until Getou. 

Getou is two years your senior, thinks of Yuta as this cute little puppy that follows Gojo around, and looks just right for your purposes. He’s not a carbon copy of Yuta. He just shares features with him. If anything, he could be his older brother. He has long black hair instead of short, but the same haunted eyes. 

It’s better that way, easier to not cut too deep. You know exactly how far you can go before the pleasure of pain tips too far into the wrong side. If he looks like him just enough, then you can slip in between lucid dreams. Yuta’s face comes to you in flashes rather than consistently when you’re together with Getou. 

He’s a smart man. He picks up on it almost instantly. 

Another reason Getou’s perfect for you? 

He simply doesn’t care. It’s not his problem what his darling little underclassmen get up to as long as it doesn’t interfere with his life. If you just want to have a good time, he’s down for that too. 

If you weren’t so hung up on Yuta, you think Getou might be fun. Fun could turn into love, perhaps. But those were only what ifs that were useless to you. It’s Yuta, it’s always been. He’s the only one for you. 

You can’t lose him. 

But you want him in ways he isn’t willing to give you. Incessantly, he haunts you at odd hours. You’re doing homework at one in the morning when your thoughts wander and you’re thinking of him. The way he’d coach you through this problem. The sure, strong strokes of his handwriting, as familiar as your mother’s voice. 

It’s hopeless. Every part of you has already been attuned to Yuta since childhood. You can’t extricate yourself. You can only hope to outlast the growth, and cling on as long as you are able. The only concessions you can allow yourself are small ones. 

Yuta’s a good student who sleeps early, but he’ll pick up for you. He always does. You’re his childhood best friend after all, and that leaves a sour taste in your mouth even as you begrudge yourself your own greediness. 

“Hello?” His voice is thick with sleep, husky and low in a way that you know doesn’t belong to you. You savor it anyways, these small intimacies you get to keep until he finds a girl of his own and doesn’t need you anymore. 

“Hello?” He says again. “Are you drunk? Do you need me to pick you up?” 

“Just bored,” you reply, playing with your pen. “Sorry, were you asleep?” 

“Don’t play with my feelings like that,” he laughs. “We both know you knew I was. Want me to stay up with you?” 

“Nah. I’m sorry for waking you up.” 

“You know I’d want you to, anytime. Are you working on the paper from English?” 

“Yeah. Go back to sleep,” you say, letting the smallest of smiles grace your lips. Alone in your room, you can allow yourself these small weaknesses. 

“Mm, but I wanna stay up with you,” he says, even as his voice grows softer and softer. You can almost picture him, hair sleep tousled and eyes half lidded. It’s a sight out of your dreams. 

“I’ll hang up when I’m done. Go to bed, Yu.” 

By the time you finish, you can hear his breathing evening out through the speakers. He’s a light sleeper, so you tip toe around as you finish getting ready for bed. When you have to hang up, you’re almost tempted to leave him on speakerphone so his soft breaths can lull you to sleep. 

You banish that unwelcome thought to the deepest, darkest, most remote time out corner of your brain and immediately text Getou to meet up the next day. You need to get a hold of yourself. 

“You know,” Getou drawls, “keep calling me out like this and I might get the wrong idea.” 

“If you fall for a girl that only talks to you about how much she likes her crush, that’s your own fault.” 

“Fair enough,” he laughs. “So what is it this time?” 

“I called him at night and his voice was so sleepy-“

“I meant,” Getou says, a finger running over the rim of his coffee cup as he looks at you. “What do you want me to do about it?” 

“Please make me forget him.” 

Getou smiles at you. “What a coincidence. I needed to blow off some steam today.” 

If you close your eyes, you can imagine someone else when Getou kisses you. One thing leads to another and he ends up taking you home. 

The thing about your relationship with Getou is it’s so ridiculously easy. There’s no strings attached for either of you, so when you wake up to his peaceful face in bed the next day, there’s no regrets. 

Well, except one. 

Getou’s a gentle lover in every way, but he’s a biter. There’s a trail of dark bruises blooming over your neck and collarbones. 

“Pretty, isn’t it?” He calls from the bed as you admire yourself in the mirror. 

“You’re an asshole,” you tell him. “I have to get breakfast with Yuta today.” 

He grins. “That’s the point.” 

You barely have time to messily apply concealer before you’re almost late to your appointment with Yuta. He’s waiting at the place he and you claimed as your own the very first day you arrived on campus. The nice granny who runs this diner has a soft spot for the two of you and often gives you free desserts. 

You slide into the seat across from him just as he’s wrapping up one of his readings for that day. He barely looks up when he feels you come closer, just lifts his arm wordlessly so he can tuck you into his side like a baby bird under its mother’s wings. He turns his head to the side even as his eyes are following the words on the page to press a light kiss to your temple, his breath stirring your hair as he rests his head against yours for a brief moment before returning to his textbook. He flips a page. 

Would he still allow you these gentle, nonchalant touches if he knew how you really felt? Your stomach drops at the intrusive fear that he might be disgusted by you afterwards, withdrawing the easy skinship he shares with you that he thinks nothing of, but you savor. You’re hyper aware of every brush of his hand against your shoulder as he lets his arm hand loosely around you. 

“I’m done,” he announces, stretching out so his lanky body is pressed flat to the table for a second before he straightens. He must be sore from hunching over his textbook all morning. In sympathy, you lightly rub at his shoulders. 

“Did you eat yet?” He asks. “Want me to order you something?” 

“No-“ You’re in the middle of replying when his face is suddenly far too close to you. 

“Hey there,” you laugh nervously. “What are you doing?” 

Yuta pulls back, but there’s a minute crease in his expression. 

“There’s something on your neck.” He says. 

“What?” 

His hand curls around the base of your neck. It doesn’t hurt. There’s a complete lack of pressure in his grip, fingers loose and curled. He’s just holding you. You inhale sharply, a recoil aborted. 

“Sorry,” he says, easy smile and gentle demeanor that doesn’t reach his eyes. They’re a little shadowed today, harried. He wears his emotions all over his face. You know he has a final today, that he likely didn’t sleep last night. It must be why he’s acting weird. 

His fingertips ghost over your neck, light tap-tap-tapping that makes you shiver. “What’s this?” 

You pull out your phone to check yourself in the camera. The concealer you put on this morning has sweated off, leaving streaks on your shirt. Underneath the smudges, the blurry outline of the marks Getou left on you last night are visible. 

Your face burns with mortification. 

“Yuta! You shouldn’t ask people stuff like that!” 

It’s not like he’s a child. You know he knows what a hickey is. He’s just pointing it out so you know he knows. 

He shrugs. “I mean, yeah, I’d be more careful about what I was saying if it was anyone else, but it’s you. What the hell happened? It looks like you had a tryst with a vampire.”

Gingerly, he touches your neck again, his fingers cold from holding his iced latte. You need him to stop doing that before you do something stupid. 

“Does it hurt?” He asks. 

“It felt good-“ 

“Stop! I didn’t need to know that,” he says, face turning red. 

Defensively, you retort, “Well, you asked!” 

“Forget it,” he sighs. “I’m sorry I spent all of breakfast studying. What are you doing later?” 

“Hanging out with Getou, probably. He said he wants to go to this new restaurant that just opened up.” 

“He’s the one that gave you all those love bites?” 

At your nod, Yuta rolls his eyes. He’s certainly in a mood today. Poor thing. He’s been working really hard lately. Not just today, but every day this past week, he’s been studying non stop. You should reward him. 

“Don’t go with him,” Yuta coaxes. “Hang out with your best friend instead. We can have another sleepover. Don’t you want to game all night?

The decision is made before Yuta even offers you a choice. You text Getou a quick apology, to which he replies with a lazy ‘lol. Loverboy?’

You’re happy Yuta asked you to come over. You’ve spent so much time fearing how he’d react if he knew that you’d forgotten how nice it felt to just hang out with him. 

You’re cuddling with Yuta on his couch as you watch a movie. He opted for a quiet night instead of gaming, so he broke out the snacks and remotes instead of controllers. You wish there was a way to push him away without explaining what’s going on. You and Yuta have always been touchy like this, comfortable with each other in a way that superseded even the closest of friends. 

It was never abnormal until now, when new love has redefined every aspect of your relationship with him. It makes it awkward to touch him, to be this close. But you always want to be this close. It’s hard, fighting a war with yourself. 

You snuggle into the hoodie he lent you, trying to hide your face. Your eyes dart to him, watching him instead of the movie. His hair has a faint blue sheen from the screen. He’s enraptured, staring open mouthed at the action sequence. 

Your heart beats double time, as it always does around him, prey instincts going into fight or flight. Yuta just does that to you, makes your body sing like it’s in the most exquisite agony possible. Like a runner’s high, you’re addicted to the pain of having him but not having him. Even the scraps of romance you can get are worth more than a lifetime of other lovers. 

You hope he can’t tell. Yuta has always had weirdly sensitive senses. 

Yuta’s line of sight shifts from the TV to you. You feel like a deer in headlights, trapped in the yawning black void of his gaze as he looks back, watching you as you have been watching him. 

‘Hey,’ he mouthes at you, the corners of his mouth lifting into a soft smile. 

‘Hey back,’ you mouth in return, wanting him, loving him, missing him. 

You rarely bring clothes when you’re staying the night at Yuta’s. Either he has some for you in a dresser he’s saved for your use, or you can just borrow his. You always end up changing into his clothes, anyways, so big and comfortable they swallow you up. 

He’s lying on his belly on the bed when you come out of the bathroom freshly showered and in his T-shirt. He looks up when he hears you. 

“Oh,” he says. He blinks once, hard. “Come here, please.” 

Self conscious, you cross the room to him. Your crush makes you miserable, coloring your every action. The fear that your desires are written across your face shadow every step you take. Are you that transparent? Can he tell? 

He reaches up to touch your face, reverent.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes, then he pulls you down onto the bed next to him. 

“Don’t tease,” you tell him. 

He buries his face in the crook of your neck, embracing you. Even this feels too much. His skin against yours feels like a thousand colts of electricity. Where his nose brushes against your nape is so sensitive you squirm in his grasp, kicking uselessly in his hold. 

“I only say things that are true,” he tells you solemnly. “You are pretty.” 

You don’t know how you’re supposed to sleep after that. 

In the morning, you’re finally back in your own set of clothes to head out and face the day. You and Yuta get ready together, running through your morning routines. You brush your teeth and eat breakfast side by side. 

Before he leaves for work, he spritzes himself with the cologne he leaves on the dresser. When you reach for the perfume you keep in his apartment, a twinning his and hers set you had gotten together one day during the holidays, he pins your hand down. With an appeasing glance over you, he spritzes his cologne on you instead. 

He leans in and sniffs experimentally. 

“You smell nice,” he says. 

You lift your wrist to your nose and inhale. 

“I smell like you,” you say, laughing. He smells like a crisp winter morning, a hint of pine and frost. 

“Well, yeah,” he says. “I wouldn’t have picked this scent if I didn’t like it.” 

It’s true. Nothing Yuta does is unintentional.

“What the hell,” Getou says as soon as he opens the door to you. “You reek.” 

Your face burns. 

Getou roars with laughter when you tell him why you smell the way you do. “What a brat,” he says. 

“Hey!” You feel the compulsion to defend Yuta against even the smallest of slights. It’s instinctual, even though you know Getou doesn’t really mean it. 

He shakes his head at you. “I really pity you, you know? You’re so whipped.”  

Hanging out with Getou doesn’t end in anything physical tonight. He injured himself playing volleyball with Gojo and he’s not interested in anything but good company. You don’t know if you’d be interested, either. It’s always easier to pretend you don’t want him after a little bit of distance. Trying anything right after seeing Yuta would only tear your heart apart. You and Getou pass the time in amicable silence, working on your separate assignments in the same room. 

Your phone buzzes three hours in. 

Yuta 4:15 You busy? 

You 4:24 With Getou Working on homework  Why?

Yuta 4:24  Come over  I miss you 

You 4:24  I saw you this morning 

Yuta 4:24  …

Yuta 4:25 …

Yuta 4:25  I always miss you when you’re not here 

Getou cackles. You jolt, startled. You had honestly forgotten where you were. 

“Is that loverboy?” He says, trying to grab the phone out of your hand so he can see the message. “You look so lovestruck.” 

You yank it back from him. “I gotta go.” 

“Abandoning me again?” He shakes his head in mock sadness. “I’m really just a toy to you, huh?”

That makes you hesitate, even though you do want to see Yuta. 

He ruffles your hair. “Ah, youth. So gullible. I’m fine, sweetheart. Go see your beau. And send him my regards,” he says with a devious smile as he walks you to the door. His eyes light up when he sees the forgotten garment he had discarded on his coat rack. 

You look at him quizzically. It’s not strange for him to be a gentlemen, but it is strange for him to offer you his letterman before you leave. He loves that jacket. He wears it so often that his name emblazoned across the back has been worn down into a soft cream instead of eggshell white. 

“What’s this for?”

“Just wear it. And tell me how Yuta reacts.” 

With that, he pushes you out of the door. 

Yuta wrinkles his nose at you in a display of badly disguised contempt. He was so excited to see you when you walked through the door, but as soon as he saw what you were wearing, his smile dropped off his face. 

“What’s with that guy?” He grumbles. “It’s so weird that he’s giving you his letterman. Isn’t that almost like a claim in the sports world?” 

For some reason, it pisses you off. On most days, Yuta could commit a crime and you’d help him cover it up, but this time you seriously can’t tell where he gets off acting like this. He’s not dating you. He’s not interested in you. He doesn’t even see you as a potential partner. 

You jab your finger into his chest, punctuating every word you speak by prodding him. “Why do you think you can judge Getou? You don’t even know him.” 

“I know that he’s going after a taken girl.” 

“We’re just friends, Yuta.” The admission stings. No matter what anyone else thinks of your relationship with Yuta, that’s all you will be. 

“Yeah, but no one else thinks so.”

“And who’s fault is that?”

“Is it so bad to be seen with me?”

“It is if I’m trying to get a boyfriend! You’re the reason no one wants to date me!” 

“Do you need to date someone?” he says. Every word out of his mouth only makes you’re more incensed. He’s being condescending without meaning to, but it doesn’t soften the blow. 

“I want to!” 

“And if I don’t want you to?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I think I’m in love with you.” 

Your head is spinning. “That’s not funny.” 

“I don’t want you to be with Getou,” he says. “I want you to be with me. You’re right, it’s not fair, but I get this ugly feeling in my chest when you’re together and now I know why. I can be so much better for you than he is.”

“This isn’t about who’s better! You’re always-“ You’re on the brink of tears. “Ugh! You’re so frustrating, Yuta! I’m trying to get over you and you think you’re being noble by dating me because you want to keep me safe? Why would I ever want that?” 

“That’s not what I meant,” he says, so soft it makes you want to run into his arms and run away from him at the same time. Then he frowns. “Did you say you’re trying to get over me?” 

You glance at him, then the door. The calculations you run in your head say you can make it outside before he catches you. You turn so fast on your ankle the floor makes a despairing screech beneath the soles of your shoes as you beat a hasty exit.

The calculations in your head are wrong. He loops his arms around your waist and picks you up, throwing you effortlessly over his shoulder so he can carry you to the couch. You’re deposited with a soft grunt as he climbs over you and pins you down so you can’t even think of escaping. You thrash, regardless. 

“Let me go, Yuta!”

“I thought you called me Yu,” he teases. 

“You aren’t being cute!”

“Is it him?”

“Him?”

“I’ve been trying to get you to look at me that way this whole time,” Yuta says despairingly. “I didn’t want to scare you away, but I couldn’t hold myself back anymore. But before I even got a chance, this asshole steals you away?” 

“Yuta, what are you talking about?”

“Are you in love with Getou?” 

“Are you stupid?” You can feel hot tears well up in your eyes. It’s frustrating to be crying so easily because you’re embarrassed and angry. “I said I was trying to get over you! Just say what you have to say, don’t torture me like this.” 

“Did it work? Are you over me?”

“I’ll never be over you,” you sniffle. You just want him to leave you alone now so you can wallow in your own patheticness.

“I’m glad,” Yuta says, and then he cups your face in his hands so delicately, like he’s holding the most precious treasure in the world, and kisses you like he’s trying to steal the breath from you. 

Your knees crumble underneath you. He catches you easily and hoists you up, letting you settle with your legs wrapped around his waist. He holds you up with just one arm as he presses you harder against the wall, cushioning your head carefully. You’re pinned between his body and the wall. You moan against him, pleased and warm and disgustingly in love with him. All your senses are full of him as you cling to him.. 

Distantly, as if through water, you hear your phone buzz.

Getou 6:01 You owe me for that, by the way. 

[bee-the-loser-recs]

☼ My Mark One-shot Fic Recs ☼

𖤓 Send in the clowns By @smileysuh 10.6k, Haechan|Mark|Jaehyun x reader, college au, frat boys NCT, best friend Jungwoo, friends to lovers, karaoke friends, smut, polyamory, slight fluff, Halloween parties, dressing up

𖤓 Roommates By @smileysuh 8.3k, Mark x reader x Haechan, college au, frat house NCT, best friend Jungwoo, polyamory, smut, stoners, getting high together, slight fluff, mentions of Jeno having a crush on reader

𖤓 Sunday kind of love By @smileysuh 35.8k, college au, frat boys NCT, slightly dorky and loveable Mark, study partner Jungwoo, long term crush, mentions of Halloween parties, smut, fluff, soft/inexperienced reader, extreme pining

𖤓 Operation: First Kiss By @ncityrave 4.4k, non-specified au, established relationship, first kiss between the couple, fluff, slight angst, getting advice from other members

𖤓 No one but you By @loserlvrss 1k, established relationship, slice of life, drunk moments, taking reader home, mentions of alcohol, fluff

𖤓 Perfect little toy By @loudstan 13k, magical & supernatural au, werewolf Mark, witch reader, sex shop owner reader, smut, imprinting, slight fluff, shop partner Svt Jeonghan, some angst

𖤓 Jealousy By @yutaholic 22k, non-idol au, reader & Mark's parents are dating, Mark & reader are in love, angst, trying to break up their parents, slight fluff, almost being step siblings, messy, smut

𖤓 Come back to me By @bloodmoonmuses Established relationship, retelling their first meeting to Jonny & Haechan, cute, fluff, meet cutes, enamoured with one another

𖤓 This is (not) easy By @mrkis 13.2k, college au, friends to fwb to lovers, slight miscommunication, smut, fluff, angst, mentions of reader hooking up with Jaemin, crack humour

𖤓 Just between us [part 1] & [part 2] By @mrkis 9.2k & 14.4k, established relationship between Yuta & reader, inviting Mark to join them, smut, mentions of Winwin being included in their dynamic, slight fluff, teasing, discussions of the rest of NCT having crushes on reader

𖤓 Gelato By @hazyhae 14.4k, unspecified au, non-idol au, plug Mark, friends to strangers to lovers, angst, fluff, smut, weed use, friend Renjun, reconnecting after years

𖤓 Roomie high By @hazyhae 3.8k, stoner!roommate!Mark, roommates to ??, weed use, looking for a weed friendly roommate, friend Haechan, pet names

𖤓 Baby fangs By @starlightkun 26.7k, fantasy au, modern magical creatures au, sphinx reader, basilisk Mark, older women/younger man, teaching him how to use his powers, fluff, teasing, age/MILF comments, very suggestive comments

𖤓 Elevator pitch By @luvhaos 9.1k, college au, frat au, frat house NCT, friends hyping up Mark, fluff, slight miscommunication trope, angst, alcohol use/underage drinking

𖤓 Triple Lee; naughtier the better By @p4p1l0nn 9.1k, Mark | Haechan | Jeno x reader, non-idol au, stoner au, plug Haechan & Mark, stoner Jeno & reader, roommates, smut, slight fluff

𖤓 Keep talking to me By @starillusion13 7.1k, non-specified au, polyamory, slight angst, fluff, smut, reader is ditched by a friend socially, a night in together, romance

𖤓 Trust me not By @starillusion13 9.1k, Boss unit x reader, mafia au, angst, slight fluff, keeping secrets, anniversary surprises, themes of betrayal, getting shot, open ending

𖤓 Foreign swaggers By @starillusion13 8k, Jonny | Jaehyun | Mark x reader, brother's best friend au, Taeyong is reader's brother, shared vacation, smut, fluff, polyamory, enemies to friends to lovers, drinking

𖤓 Salted caramel By @lucyandthepen 20.3k, college au, barista!Mark, both reader & Mark are down bad for each other, teasing from friend group, jealousy, constant teasing from Haechan, smut, fluff, other Dreamies mentioned

𖤓 What's mine is yours By @smileyerim 4.9k, non-specified au, long term pining, drunk confessions, admittance of feelings, fluff, slight smut, getting drunk together

𖤓 Temporary flag girl [part 1] & Back again [part 2] By @babbymochiiii 1.2k & 1.2k, street racer au, street racer Mark, comedy, reader subs in as a flag girl, slight fluff, fun dynamics, comedy

𖤓 Midas touch By @martiniblues Short drabble, spiderman!Mark, established relationship, teasing your partner, fluff, mentions reader's attraction to a fictional character, down bad Mark

𖤓 Spidey boy By @martiniblues 2.9k, spiderman!Mark, established relationship, trying to get Mark to confess his identity, slight fighting, reader needs saving, cat-calling, creepy dude, pet names, fluff

𖤓 Quarantine Chronicles 1, part 2, part 3 By @domjaehyun 28.5k & 55.3k & 43k, Quarantine au, Jaemin | Jaehyun | Jungwoo | Johnny | Mark | (Jeno | Haechan in part 3 only) x reader, roommates (except Mark), friends with benefits situation, lots of tension & flirting, smut, slight fluff, crack, Jaehyun & Mark have actual feelings for reader

𖤓 Surviving no nut November By @domjaehyun 28.8k, Haechan x reader x Mark, college au, friends to lovers, no nut November challenges, smut, trying to trip them up, teasing, slight fluff, weed consumption, pet names

𖤓 Kiss you right now By @domjaehyun 6.9k, college au, best friends to lovers, pining, Mark really wants to kiss reader, smut, fluff, really cute

𖤓 Play with me By @domjaehyun 4.6k, college au, best friends to lovers, weed use, stoners Mark & reader, late night drives, high sex, smut, fluff

𖤓 Teach me By @domjaehyun 3.3k, Mark x reader (ft. Yuta), non-specified au, established relationship, Mark asks Yuta for help in being rougher, smut, switching up the dynamics a bit

𖤓 10:12pm By @daydreamingyuta 200, drabble, established relationship, fluff, borrowing clothes, just really soft and adorable

𖤓 Baseball (& Other disasters) By @tqmies 10k, college au, friends to lovers, idiots in love, mutual pining, baseball player Mark, assistant manager reader, fluff

𖤓 Fever pitch By @nctsworld 8.4k, pro baseball player Mark, meet cutes, small accident, getting hit by a ball, fluff, smut, relationship development, best friend Chenle

[strawberri-elixir]

Sleepless nights

╰⇢ Yuta Okkotsu/Toge Inumaki x Reader

" Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought… "

Summary — Your second year of high school was supposed to be as boring as every other year, and for a while, that's exactly how it was. But an unexpected encounter with a mysterious boy one night suddenly makes your life more interesting.

Warnings/Contents — swearing, shit humor, sfw, death related jokes, sexual jokes, probably angst eventually, modern au, smau

Note(s) — updates will be random but hopefully close to each other! there are written portions in order to be able to properly convey the story… sorry if you weren’t expecting that- also none of the photos are mine if it’s not obvious!

Status! — complete!

Masterlist

— Meet the stars! — Profiles

Okay lover boy

Hot weirdo

Go white boy go

FML

“I’m not jealous”

Late night studying

Slander

Cool beans

Good shit

HWLP

Friend-zoned???

Demoted

Study group, go!

He wants me

Knuckleheads

Group bridge jump???

Back pains

Finals day or our final day: Stay tuned!

Denial

Skill issue

Rocks…?

Delusional???

Toddler maturity

I like- no- love you

Weekend bets anyone?

Stalker much

Tell my mother I love her

Darling???

I love you too (The original ending)

— I love you too (The alternate ending)

bonus content:

— The set up

Taglist: closed

@sur-i-ki @aespaforlifersyall @camilo-uwu @butterflyqueen234 @shinsukeee @tanchosanke @meguemii @lees-chaotic-brain @you-always-made-me-blush @jayathelostdragon @chilichopsticks @polarbvnny

@instantmusico @sad-darksoul @hellyyy06 @rosieandthethorns @zellwa @iluv-ace @h3xi2g0n3 @morgyyyyyyy @bellaabee082 @koiir @g0rep1ty @k4romis @beaniedoodz @seventhcinema @macimcnaron @pumpkin6969 @wowowwin @neigee @someonethatisnobody @vndl-1 @yoyo-yui

@blehtotheblehtothebleh @c4ttheart @blogforblorboscreaming @creative1writings @tiredjxnna @mint129106 @mentallyunstablemanlover @anianurst @milesmorals @sleepytoges @azulsmermaidprincess @toges-cough-syrup @liveincans @jals-stuff @yievieslxt @yell-lemonade @inupibaldspot @hyssoplampflickers @lilysaltwater @ayxnxr @lovley212 @delightfuldragoncollection @strxkbylightning @saesofficialwife and a few more…

[lonelyharmonies]

just friends

what happens when you wake up in someone else’s bed after getting drunk in a party?

pairing: jaehyun x fem reader type: fluff, strangers-to-friends-to-lovers au (or kinda), college au, word count: 22k warnings: swearing, slightly suggestive sometimes a/n.: hello friends!! this story here is my baby, the first full fic i've ever written 💚 3 years later i still love it as the first time i've posted it. i hope you enjoy it as much as i do. if you think you have read this story before, youprobably did, this is a repost. not very much edited so you might find some mistakes, i apologize!

The sunlight peeking through the curtains meets your face and you wake up as soon as your cheeks get warm. You didn’t remember your bed being this comfortable. A foreign smell invades your nostrils but you don’t mind for a moment. The perfume had notes of lavender and it was sort of strong, but you didn’t mind, deciding to put your head further into the pillow, capturing more of that pleasant scent.

A few minutes later, you open your eyes and it takes a while for you to realize it isn’t your bedroom. Neither is your cousin’s. You have no idea where and why you are here. The room is small but cozy, way different from your own. You can see some heavy books on the shelves next to you and a box full of vinyl.

You turn your head to the right to find a naked back facing you. Analyzing the body proportions and the room you were in, you assumed it was a boy. 

What happened to you? Why were you sleeping with a stranger?

You tried to remember the events from last night.

“Come on, Y/N, it’s gonna be fun!” “I don’t like frat parties, Taeyong.” you repeat the same line “Plus, I am really tired. Do you know how many assignments I have due next week? And tutoring is killing. Some students really push my buttons.” “See? You are so stressed! A couple of beers will do you good.”

Then, you remembered the noise. A lot of noise. You see flashes from the previous night events: there were people dancing, Mark Lee spilling his drink on you, and a shirtless Yuta dancing on the top of the kitchen’s counter. The only thing that wasn’t clear on your mind was how you ended up in this room.

Your cousin was in front of you, clearly drunk. You knew he was a lightweight. He knew he was a lightweight. That was probably the reason why Taeyong would always try to find a way to drag you to the parties with him: to clean the mess he makes. “I can’t drive you back, pumpkin. I’m sorry,” He said, bringing his hands to cup his face, as a way to act cute, but spilling his drink on the floor in the process. “Well, I’m already aware of this. You don't even have a license.” You felt your head spinning. Taeyong smiles and focuses on something behind you “I’ll call an Uber. Or maybe I should just walk,” You fished your phone out of your pocket, but your cousin took it away from you. “No, no. Don’t go home now.” He waved at someone while you tried to get your phone back. “You should enjoy this party. How long haven’t you made out with someone?” “LEE TAEYONG!” You and Johnny, who had placed an arm on your shoulders, shouted at the same time. “and The Cousin!”  “Can she sleep here tonight, Johnny? She’ll sleep in my room” Taeyong asked and Johnny screamed “Sure” while you tried to scold the other boy. “Lee Taeyong, come back here. Who said I agreed-” you tried to grab your cousin’s arm but he deflected your touch and went straight to a group of girls.  “Hey, hey, Y/N. “ Johnny called your attention. “Relax.” He handed you a shot glass full of a transparent liquid “The night has just started.”

While you were trying to remember what happened the night before, the man that is lying beside you wakes up. Jaehyun turns around and lays his eyes on your figure. At first, he thought he was still dreaming, but the scream that left your mouth once you met his gaze made Jaehyun realize it wasn’t a dream.

You get so startled that you lean backward as Jaehyun tries to hold your arm to keep you in place.

 “Be careful, you’re gonna hurt-” 

You don’t finish listening to his sentence as your body hits the ground with a loud thud. If you were sleepy before, falling out of the bed made you feel completely awake. You knocked your head on the bedside table and groaned quite loudly.

“Good morning, Y/N.” He says from his bed, looking at your lying figure on the floor.

Now that you could see the stranger’s face, you just wished to go back to sleep. Dying was also a good option. Not even in your wildest dreams, you would imagine waking up next to Jeong Jaehyun after getting dead drunk at one of his fraternity’s parties. 

You met Jaehyun when your cousin dragged you to your first frat party two years ago. You were getting some drinks in the kitchen when you laid your eyes on him playing beer pong with Yuta. You didn’t know a guy could look so attractive just by drinking beer wearing an all-black outfit. Ever since, you admired him from afar, never failing to be awestruck by his nice features. You never got the courage to talk to Jaehyun, but it all changed when your cousin insisted that you should help his friend Johnny.

“He is just trying to learn a new language.”  Taeyong would blatantly answer every time you questioned his friend’s sudden interest in taking Spanish classes. At the time, you were working for the Language Center at your university, so the two boys were constantly pestering you to sign Johnny up for the Spanish course and they only stopped once you gave in. It didn’t take you long to find out the reason why Johnny was so persistent: Mrs. García, or Isabela García, the senior student that taught the course: Spanish for Speakers of Other Languages. She was very sweet, smart, and popular among everyone on Campus and, apparently, Johnny was trying to have his shot with her while getting extra credits.  Eventually, you became closer. Not only because of your shared class but because Taeyong was your mutual friend. It was after one of your classes that you formally met Jaehyun for the first time, six months after seeing him in that party for the first time. He was waiting outside, a tray with coffee in one hand and a paper bag in the other. “I can’t believe you thought it was a good idea to try to make a pickup line in Spanish.” you sighed loudly. “You can barely introduce yourself. Plus, she’s your teacher, keep it in your pants.” “Please, I was amaz- OH, whassup Jeffrey?!” Johnny spotted his friend waiting for him “This is my boring classmate Y/N. Y/N, this is Jaehyun.” “Hi, nice to meet you,” you said sheepishly, avoiding to look at his face. “Nice to meet you too.” “Today I said to Isabella that she was “La chica más Bella I’ve ever seen.” You know, Isabella and all-” “I don’t speak Spanish, Johnny.” the guy mumbled and you suppressed a smile. “- and even though I couldn’t say the whole sentence in Spanish, she smiled at me and said I was sweet. I bet she loved it.” “I clearly remember her disgusted face when she asked you to keep doing the exercise.” “You're lying to make me look bad.” “She wouldn’t need to lie, Hyung,” Jaehyun said, making you giggle.

After that meeting, you did talk to each other, but never alone. It was either at their fraternity parties or at lunch when he would join you, Johnny, and Taeyong. Now, you had slept in his bed and didn’t even remember how you ended up there. 

“I have no idea how I ended up on your bed. I am so, so sorry, Jaehyun.” you clumsily start standing up and finding your way to the door. “I-I swear I would never sleep with you.” 

You realize what you said and widened your eyes regretting your words. The boy, on the other hand, only chuckles and stays laid down on his bed, finding quite amusing your flustered and messy state.

“Ouch, it kinda hurts my pride” 

“I mean- I don’t mean like that. You are very attrac-” you stop yourself and shake your hand in front of your body “What I mean is, of course, I would sleep with- NO!” you stop, taking a deep breath. 

Why couldn’t you come up with a simple sentence? You decide to focus on the Mickey Mouse plushie on the top of his shelf and start again.

“This is so embarrassing! What I’m trying to say is-”

Jaehyun’s laughter stops you. He runs his hands through his fingers as he sits on his bed, with the comforter only covering his bottom parts, torso completely exposed.

“I think you mean that you wouldn’t take advantage of me.” 

“Yes! Yes. That’s exactly what I was trying to say.” you quickly agree, averting your gaze from his figure.

“I also have no idea how you ended up here.” Jaehyun states, grabbing a black t-shirt from the ground “but I’m sure nothing happened because I went to bed early last night. And alone.” he emphasizes the last part “Were you at the party?”

“Yeah,” you answered while looking at your feet and end up taking a glance at your stained shirt. 

The stain on your shirt makes you realize how fucked up you must look. You also smell terrible. Why was this happening to you? There were so many bedrooms in this house, why did you end up precisely in his?

“I had a few drinks last night…”

“A few?” he raises an eyebrow curiously.

“Maybe too many.” you scratch the back of your head and keep looking down.

Then, the awkward silence comes. You, standing there, in the middle of the room, like a statue in the middle of the room and Jaehyun a few steps away from you. It fazed you how he managed to look charming even after just waking up. 

“So, uh… The door…” he says motioning to the door behind you, snapping you back to reality.

“Oh, yes, sure. I’m sorry.” you turn back and open the door. 

Luck being on your side, the first thing you see as you get out of the room is your friend, Johnny, holding a puzzled look on his face.

“Isn’t it Jaehyun’s…”

“Yes.” 

You grumble and turn to your left, heading to the staircase, not giving Johnny enough time to make questions.

"Did you sleep together?” he asks Jaehyun loud enough for you to hear by the end of the hall.

“NO,” both of you say at the same time. 

Actually, you screamed from the top of the staircase and Jaehyun mumbled beside Johnny. “I think she’s not really interested.” he completes with a sarcastic note, chuckling.

“Why was she coming out of your room? How did that happen?” 

“Did you smell her clothes? She was probably dead drunk last night.”

By the time the boys reached the messy living room, you were already opening the front door.

“At least drink a cup of coffee” Johnny offers and you shake your head.

“Tell Taeyong I went back to the dorms,” you say, stepping outside and shutting the door as fast as you could. 

“Let me drive-” Johnny starts but you close the door before he could finish “you.”

The two boys head to the kitchen and start preparing their breakfast. Johnny places a cup of coffee in front of Jaehyun who smiles and silently thanks him. The next one to wake up is Yuta, who walked down the stairs inexplicably happy for someone who should have a hangover.

"Care to explain why this house is so noisy on a Saturday morning?” he calls the room’s attention to himself. “I hear too many voices.”

“There was a misunderstanding,” Jaehyun mumbles.

“What do you mean?” Yuta raised an eyebrow at the younger and Johnny giggled.

“Y/N woke up on Jaehyun’s bed this morning.” 

“What, Taeyong’s cousin?” he turns to Johnny who nods “She slept with you?” Yuta gaps at the younger boy “So she finally admitted she-”

“YUta” Johnny interrupts him “I was joking.”

“She was just really drunk and ended up in my room last night,” the youngest says, munching his cereal “When she got there I was already asleep. I didn’t spend a lot of time at the party last night. I have three projects to hand in this month. They are tiring me out.” 

“So, Y/N really slept with you?” Yuta asked again.

“In my room,“ Jaehyun corrects. “Well, if you excuse me, I’ll go to the gym.” he gives them a small smile and leaves the kitchen.

“Yuta, you almost said Y/N likes Jaehyun!” Johnny whispers-yells at Yuta.

“Well, it’s not like she knows how to hide her crush.”

“So you’re telling me that you slept with Jeong Jaehyun?” your roommate asks after you finished telling her about the events of the previous night.

You sigh loudly and shove her hands from your hair. “Did you listen to what I said? I slept on his bed because I was drunk and probably thought I was entering Taeyong’s room.”

“Come back here, I didn’t finish drying your hair.” she pulls you back by your shoulders “It would have been nice if you had slept with him. I heard stories about Jaehyun…”

“You should stop gossiping around,” You roll your eyes.

“Don’t pull up this act, I know you love it when I spill all the tea for you,” she pulls your hair with unnecessary strength, making you groan “Some girls say he really knows how to use his tongue, you know…” she says, pointing down at your lower body and you hit her hand.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” you say in disgust. “Plus, I don’t know how so many people know how Jaehyun is in bed. He looks really reserved and quiet.“

“The quiet ones are the worst, my friend.” your roommate says before blowing air on your right ear, making you yank away from her.

It was midday when you decided to open your laptop and get some work done. You have three essays due to Thursday and you haven’t even started. It was now your third year and the pressure on your shoulders was getting heavier each day. You’re a good student, excellent grades, the professors love you, but after spending all those years studying communication, you still don’t know what you want to do with your life.

Taeyong always says that your problem is that you are too afraid to take the first step. Deep down, you know what you want, you’re just too afraid to pursue it.

Not even twenty minutes after starting your assignment, you hear a special ringtone and see your cousin’s face on your phone’s screen.

“I’ll stop calling you pumpkin and I’ll ask Sicheng if you can have his nickname,” Taeyong says as soon as you pick up the call.

“Who is Sicheng?” 

“Winwin” he replied and you hummed acknowledging. He was a Chinese exchange student who lived with your cousin last year.

“And why would I want to be called Winwin?”

“Because a little bird told me you managed to hook up with Jaehyun. That’s not even a regular win, you deserve a fucking Olympic gold medal for finally going for him.”

You sighed loudly and groaned at your cousin’s words. Did you really think they would keep quiet about this morning’s accident? All the gossips of the campus either start or finish in the damn frat house. They love gossiping. 

"I know your little bird is six feet tall and goes by Johnny,” you say in annoyance. “Couldn’t he keep his mouth shut?”

“It’s like I always say, Cousin,” you hear Johnny’s faint voice, apparently he was far from the microphone “Once the tea’s ready, we need to spill it. But in fact, no. It wasn’t me.” 

“First, I’m not your Cousin, Johnny,” you say, clearing your throat. “Second, you should spill your fucking tea correctly then,” you growl at him which makes both men laugh at the other end of the line. “We didn’t sleep together - I mean, we did sleep together but-”

“I KNEW IT! I told you I heard weird noises coming from the kitchen.” 

You hear a high pitched voice coming from your cousin’s side. You will kill Taeyong as soon as you get a chance.

“Taeyong, is this Donghyuck? That demon? How many people are listening to this phone call?” you lower your voice and feel your cheeks getting hot. Either from embarrassment or anger. (It was probably both).

“Only me, Johnny, Hyuck and Mark.” he simply states, making you huff in annoyance. ONLY four people discussing about your life.

 “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME, THEN?” you scream and hear a bang on your wall, warning you about the noise. “Sorry!” you scream again to apologize. “You said Mark is there? Hey, Mark!”

“Hi, Y/N. I’m still very sorry about your shirt. I promise to buy you a new one,” he says closer to the phone.

“It’s okay, sweetie. My roommate knows how to clean the stain.” 

“Why do you call Mark sweetie and call me a demon? Hyuckie is sad,” Donghyuck says, faking a cute voice.

“Cut the crap, demon. You don’t deserve my love and affection.” you say looking back at your open laptop, realizing you won’t be able to focus anymore “By the way, what does the noise have to do with me? It could have been literally anyone.”

“Well, I heard that you guys spent the whole night, you know… Having fun. Even on the kitchen counter,” the youngest says suggestively ,making you gasp.

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? HEARD FROM WHO? THAT’S A LIE”

“That’s why I called, we needed to confirm the story,” Taeyong says laughing at your reaction.

“STOP LAUGHING! THIS IS NOT FUN” you hear your dorm neighbor punching your wall again and you snap “I’M BEING DEFAMED, ABIGAIL. GIVE ME A BREAK.” you scream towards the wall she has just punched.

“Abigail should just buy earplugs. She gets irritated by any sound you make.” you hear your cousin mumbling.

“Don’t try to change the subject, Taeyong.” you warn him “I am seriously so mad at you. Especially you, Johnny. I’m sure Jaehyun explained the whole incident.”

“She’s really mad, isn’t she?” someone whispers and the rest of them giggle.

“I can hear you.”

“Yeah, Jaehyun told me you were drunk and ended up in his bed, but who knows what happened before the sun came out.” Johnny giggles.

“NOTHING happened, for your information. I didn’t have sex on the kitchen counter” and you make sure to quickly answer “OR on Jaehyun’s bed. I didn’t hook up with that man, please, stop getting on my nerves.”

“Sicheng can keep being Winwin, she’s still a loser.” you hear Donghyuck snickering at his joke.

“But why did you go to Jaehyun’s room, though?” Mark asks.

“My drunk-self probably thought it was Taeyong’s,” you answer and throw yourself on your bed.

The line stayed silent for some seconds, the boys were whispering something to themselves but you couldn’t understand anything they were saying.

“Hello?”

“So, dear cousin.” he has just started and you could already assume he was trying to hold back his laughter.

“Do you know your cousin’s bedroom is the first room on the right?” Johnny asks and you hum in response.

“Jaehyun hyung stays at the end of the hall, dude..." Mark continues.

“On the left,” Donghyuck adds.

“Are you insinuating I went there on purpose?” you ask them “I was drunk!”

“You know what they say, noona,” you hear Donghyuck’s “drunk actions are sober thoughts.”

“That’s not how it goes,” you mumble.

“We all know you like Jaehyun hyung.” you gasp at the youngest words. “It’s not like you make an effort to hide your crush on him. Even Yuta hyung knows it.”

“I promise I didn’t say anything to them,” Johnny says immediately

“Me neither.” Taeyong adds “But Hyuck made a good point, you’re not subtle.”

“Do you remember last Tuesday how she choked on her own saliva when Jaehyun offered her sour gummies?” Johnny added laughing.

“Stop mocking me.” you huffed. “Please, don’t make a big deal out of this. The situation itself is already embarrassing.”

“You should shoot your shot, Y/N.” Mark says in a supportive tone “If I hadn’t made the first move, I wouldn’t be dating now.”

“Yes, we support you.”

“If even Mark has a girlfriend, you can get that d- OUCH DON’T HIT ME”

“Plus, you already know each-”

“You’re not that bad-looking either-”

All the boys start speaking at the same time and you think you might go crazy. What are they talking about? Dating Jeong Jaehyun? It’s not like you were in love with the guy, it was only a crush, for heaven’s sake! You were only acquaintances and dating was definitely not your top priority right now. You hang up on the rambling boys at the same time your roommate comes back to your shared room.

“What happened? Abigail was complaining about you screaming at her,” she says closing the door and sitting beside you.

When Monday came, you instantly wished that it was Friday. You are woken up by a pillow being thrown at you, full force. The alarm on your phone must have been ringing for a while but you didn’t hear it.

“Good morning to you too, Jiwoo.” you groan.

“Turn this off,” she says covering her head with her comforter looking like a caterpillar. “What time are you free today? Wanna grab dinner?”

“Spanish class finishes at 7.” you yawn and stand up, finally getting enough strength to start your day.

You’ve been taking Spanish classes for a year and a half now. And even though Mrs. García graduated last semester, Johnny continued taking the classes, which positively surprised you.

“I’ll meet you at the Language Center, then.” she pokes her head out of her comfortable cocoon to whisper “You can invite that hot classmate of yours. The tall one.”

“I’m not gonna invite Johnny,” you say shaking your head and choosing your pair of jeans and t-shirt of the day “He will certainly embarrass me.”

“We’ve been living together for three years, is there anything about you I don’t know yet?” she says, now sitting on her bed. “Stop being selfish and help your lonely friend here.”

“Why Johnny, though?” you ask, turning your head to her “Remember how he signed up for the Spanish classes only because of the hot teacher?”

“Yeah, he’s a frat boy.” she says shrugging her shoulders “But it’s not like I want to marry him. It’s like Cyndi Lauper used to say...” she stands up and takes her phone out of the charger and ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ starts playing. You roll your eyes and smile at her.

“Alright, I’ll ask Johnny.” you close your drawer and open the bedroom’s door “Just turn it off before Abigail starts hitting our wall.”

Your morning classes went smoothly, no surprises. Some professors scheduled exams for next month and you made sure to add a reminder on your phone. At noon you went to the cafeteria to buy your lunch and ran to Mrs. Park’s office. She was one of the professors responsible for the Academic Writing course, and because of your excellent grades, she recommended you as a tutor. Despite being an elective subject, a lot of freshmen always signed up for it since it was very helpful during your undergraduate life.

Once you get into the long hall, you swallow the last piece of your sandwich and knock on her door. The old lady opened it with a smile, motioning for you to enter.

“How are you today, dear?” she says sitting on her chair and you mirror her action.

“I’m fine, thank you. Is everything alright, Mrs. Park? You called me here…” you say cautiously earning a giggle from the lady.

“Oh, don’t worry dear. I’m sorry if my email sounded so urgent, I just wanted to talk to you about your tutoring classes.” she types something on her laptop and looks back at you. “There are some foreign students in my class who might need help not only with the academic style but the language itself. I will ask you to be patient and take a closer look at them.”

“Of course! I haven’t tutored any foreign student yet, but I’ll gladly help them,” you say smiling.

“I’ll keep you updated with my lesson plans and their assignments…”

Your meeting with Mrs. Park was short and very pleasant, as always. She was kind enough to give you a cookie once you finished. You were now heading back to the main building, finding your way to the library where you would continue the assignments you postponed on Saturday. Too focused on arriving as soon as possible, you didn’t see a tall guy, holding three heavy books, coming in your direction and when you realized, it was too late to get out of his way. You met the floor, just like the books and some of his notes.

“I’m so sorry.” you start picking up the sheets of paper next to you “I didn’t see…” you only meet his eyes when the guy kneels and picks up one of the books on the floor.

“Hi, Y/N” Jaehyun’s lips stretched into a subtle smile, showing the dimples on his cheeks.

“Oh, hi! I’m so sorry for this mess.” you say, both standing up. “I didn’t see you there.”

“You’ve been apologizing a lot lately,” he comments, remembering your flustered state two days before.

“Sor-” you stop yourself before you could finish your apologies, again. Jaehyun giggles at you.

“You’re distracted, it happens.” he shrugs, smiling widely and you swore your heart was going to combust at that very moment. “Gotta go, see you around.”

You don’t even have time to answer, the boy was already at the end of the hall.  

Some hours later and with an empty stomach, you finish your first essay and check the time. You had five minutes to get to class. Hurriedly, you gathered your belongings and ran across buildings to get there on time. Fortunately, the teacher wasn’t in class yet. But Johnny was.

“Señorita, muy tarde, ¿no?” he says and you roll your eyes “Our Spanish princess is late, I can’t believe it.”

“Stop being so annoying.” you say throwing your bag beside him, “I thought I was the Spanish queen. Did you declass me?”

“Now that that straight A student is gone, I gave it a second thought and I believe the queen title belongs to her,. But you're the second best," he says taking a pen and a notebook out of his backpack, making you raise an eyebrow. “I promised I wouldn’t copy your notes this semester.”

“I have to say I’m surprised. I didn’t think you would want to keep studying Spanish.“

"Why not?”

“I thought you only wanted to… you know… hang out with our teacher.” you hesitate.

“Since when is fuck a forbidden word?” he chuckles “Yes, I wanted to fuck her but I told you, I wanted to learn a new language too.”

“You didn’t need to be rude, Johnny,” you mumble and he laughs.

“Plus, I’m doing this for you too.” you give him a questioning look and he replies with a cheeky grin “So you can see Jaehyun’s face twice a week.”

“And here I was considering hooking you up with my roommate,” you say to him.

“What do you mean?”

“She invited you to have dinner with us tonight because she wants to flirt with you.” you say bored, looking at your wristwatch. “Isn’t the teacher a bit late?”

“Well, I’m free tonight, why don’t give your sweet roommate a chance?”

“Just, please, tone it down while I’m eating. I don’t want to be the third-wheel.”

You had a knife and you weren’t afraid to use it against Johnny right now. When he said he would make sure that you wouldn't be thirdwheeling, he didn’t mention it involved inviting Jeong Jaehyun.

“Is it a double date?” Jiwoon whispered in your ear when she saw the boy approaching your table.

“This is not a date,” you say behind your gritted teeth. “Johnny…” you look at the man in front of you and he smiles widely.

“So, Jiwoo, that’s my friend Jaehyun. We live together.” Johnny introduces Jaehyun to your roommate, who shakes his hand. “This is Jiwoo.”

“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun.”

“I called you here because I thought it would be nice to have a double date!” Johnny boldly says making your eyes grow wider and your face burn. It made Jaehyun’s ear red, but that you didn’t notice.

“This is a friendly dinner,” you say, taking the knife from the table, “and I would appreciate it if you stop being so inconvenient.”

“I thought I could call it a date after what happened Saturday morning.” Johnny grins at you and before you could scream at him, Jaehyun speaks first.

“Stop bringing that up,” he places a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, “you’re making her uncomfortable.”

“Why are your ears so red, Jaehyunnie?” Johnny tilts his head to the side and places both hands on the other boy’s ears.

“I’ll punch your face once we get home,” the younger mumbles and Johnny lifts an eyebrow.

“It will be fun watching you try,” he mumbles back. “So, ladies, shall we order?”

After the dramatic introductions, the dinner went quite well and there wasn’t another mention regarding The Incident (how you like to call it on your mind). Johnny and Jiwoo were too engrossed in their own flirting to think about embarrassing their friends. It was a really pleasant meal and by the end of it, you found out Jaehyun is easygoing and it wasn’t hard to hold a conversation once he opened up. He told you about his major, architecture, even though you already knew that, and said he was glad that Johnny invited him to dinner because, being full of projects to finish, he probably wouldn’t even remember to eat properly.

“We know each other for what, a year and a half?” he asks and you nod. “How come we never talked like this?”

“I think we never had the chance,” you say smiling.

Johnny and your roommate were walking behind you. You glanced back and saw his arms around her shoulders, giggling while she blushed.

“They are disgusting,” you say with disdain, and Jaehyun laughs. “Seriously. I asked him to tone it down… I’m tired of thirdwheeling,” you say under your breath, but Jaehyun hears you.

“Is that why Johnny called me?” he says suggestively “So you did want it to be a double date.”

“What? NO!” you say hitting his left arm but regretting right after. You just got to know the guy, you are not that close yet. But your heart feels lighter once he chuckles.

“Do you know why Johnny always messes with you?” he asks and you shake your head. “Because you get riled up easily. I was only joking, dummy.” he flicks your forehead lightly, smiling at you, exposing his dimples.

“So, you and Jaehyun talked a lot, huh,” Jiwoo says while both of you are on your way back to the dorms. It was late, but you didn’t mind missing a few hours of sleep. Not today.

“Yeah, he was friendly,” you refrain yourself from saying much more. “I had no one else to talk to since you and Johnny were almost making out in front of me,” you say with a playful smile while she pushes out of the sidewalk.

“You are exaggerating.” she sighs and you smile wider “But we did flirt.”

“Did you give him your number?” you ask, linking your arms together.

“Yes, we exchanged numbers. I hope he texts first.”

“Oh, don’t wait for Johnny.” you say and Jiwoo tilts her head in confusion “He will forget to text you. Once we get home, send him something like ‘thanks for dinner’ or ‘I had so much fun tonight’ and he will be happy.”

The rest of the walk back home was your friend trying to embarrass you bringing up Jaehyun and you trying not to get riled up easily, as the boy had mentioned before. You realized your attempts to remain unbothered were in vain when Jiwoo was running away from you to avoid physical retaliation.

Both of you entered the building laughing as quietly as you could. Once you got to your floor, you headed to the end of the hall, meeting one of your neighbors, Abigail, getting out of her own room with a plate full of cookies.

“Hello, girls! I made those cookies for my roommate, but she’s already asleep. Do you want to share it?”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna keep them for when she wakes up?” Jiwoo asks, already putting a cookie on her mouth “I take it back. Yes, we accept the cookies.”

“Is it good?” she asks expectantly.

“This is DIVINE!” you hit your roommate’s shoulder and open your door.

After accpeting you neighbor's cookies and chatting for a bit, you and Jiwoo went to bed. You laid your head down on your pillow and, even though you felt tired, you couldn’t get out of your head images of a certain dimpled boy. Before The Incident, you and Jaehyun barely had opportunities to know each other like you did tonight. Of course, you would rather cut off your tongue than tell Johnny you liked his idea of inviting the boy. It made you wonder if getting to know him better will make your little crush fade away or make it bigger. You sincerely hoped for the former.

In the morning, rather than your alarm, your cousin’s ringtone woke you up. You groaned and picked up the phone.

“Good morning, pumpkin! Is the grass greener, the world beautiful and life worth living yet?” you hear his giggles and sigh loudly.

Johnny Fucking Seo.

“You are alive to bother me, life still sucks.” you whisper trying not to wake up Jiwoo “Do you know you woke me up before my alarm? What time…” you take your phone from your ears to check the time and when you read 6:17 am on the screen, you know Taeyong days are numbered. “Are you a psychopath? I still had almost an hour of sleep.”

“I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be late!” he says loudly and you hear a thud in the background “And also because I wanna meet my lovely cousin before my first class that starts at 8:30. I’m making a special breakfast for us.”

“Please, don’t.” you have flashbacks from the last time Taeyong made a ‘special breakfast’ you had to spend the rest of your day taking antacid “Just stick with simple breakfast. Simple is good.”

“Okay, then. Meet you at 7:30 in the cafeteria.” he says and when you are about to hang up, he finishes with “I might invite Jaehyun too.”

“LEE TAEYONG” you whisper-yell but he had hung up before you could protest. The person who said that family is everything clearly didn’t have an annoying cousin like Taeyong.

You spend some time scrolling through your social media and messaging death threats to Johnny and Taeyong. Then you decide to get up and write a note to your friend. Today both of your classes wouldn’t start until 10 am, so you decided to warn her and let her sleep peacefully.

At 7:35 you arrived at the cafeteria and spotted Taeyong sitting in one of the tables, two trays in front of him.

“You are late.”

“Only five minutes.” you shrug “I thought you were making me a special breakfast,” you go to his side and greet him with a hug.

“You said I should make it simple so I bought you the cafeteria breakfast. Don’t complain.” he takes his bag off the chair next to him and motions for you to sit down. “I need your help.”

You frown while munching a piece of bread. “Help? I thought you called to make fun of me for going on a date with Jaehyun.”

“And yet, you came, willingly. I’ll tell Johnny you considered it a date.” he had a knowing smile adorning his face. “But, no, I wouldn’t wake up earlier just to annoy you. You’re not that important.” he says while peeling a banana. “First, don’t forget that my sister is coming to visit us this weekend. My mom will kill me if you’re not there to celebrate with us.”

Taeyong’s family lived closer than yours. Being only a one hour drive to his hometown, both of you constantly pay your aunt a visit - most of the time requested by her. This time, Taeyong’s sister is visiting after a whole year living abroad with her son and husband, so, obviously, there would be a huge family gathering.

"But I also need your help with a surprise party. Yuta’s birthday is coming soon and I would ask for the boys’ help, but now that Doyoung is gone I can only trust Taeil.”

“That’s because your friends can’t keep their mouth shut,” you mumble and see your cousin smiling. “What do you want me to do? I don’t know Yuta that well, he will find it weird…”

“You won’t need to talk to him or anything. I was thinking you could buy decorations and make the cake.”

“Where will you celebrate it? You can go bowling, maybe going to an arcade… Arcade sounds nice.”

“Arcade? How old are you 12?” Taeyong scoffs. “We’ll just throw a party and invite everyone.”

“You will throw a frat party and give a cake to the guy and call it a surprise?” you deadpan. “Are you dumb?”

“Yeah, I’m throwing him a party. What else do you want me to do?” he looks at you bewildered.

“Well, if your plan is throwing a party and inviting everyone on campus, you won’t need to worry about your friends because Yuta will know one way or another.“ you sigh and place your sandwich back on the tray. “It will be a party full of people who barely know him… it’s better if you just take him to a place he likes. Maybe an amusement park? You can try to find a ticket for that french film festival, he looks cultured, he might like it.”

“People don’t want to spend their birthday at cultured festivals, Y/N. People wanna get drunk. I’m people. Yuta is people.” Taeyong says stealing your sandwich.

“Give it back, thief.” you take it from his hands “I’m not saying he can’t get drunk, I’m just saying it’s stupid to make a frat party to celebrate his birthday, there’s nothing special in it.”

You continue bickering for a couple of minutes until a tall figure appears patting Taeyong shoulder and sitting next to you.

“Good morning to you”

You hear his baritone voice and your heart starts beating faster, but you say to yourself that it had nothing to do with Jaehyun being right beside you. Your pulse was fast because of your argument with Taeyong, yes, that was the reason.

"What are you fighting about?”

“Before you murder me, I didn’t know he would be here.” Taeyong whispers to you. “I didn’t know you had classes early today, Jae.”

“Yeah, I actually came early because of my group project. One of the girls ruined it and now we need to fix it.” he scratches the back of his head and you see him slumping against the chair “What were you talking about?”

“Yuta’s birthday.” you blurt out at the same time as Taeyong says “My mom’s dinner.”

“Sorry…” you say smiling apologetically to your cousin “I’m sure Jaehyun won’t say anything.”

“So, Jae, we’re planning a birthday party,” Taeyong starts but you interrupt.

“You are being unreasonable.“ you scoff at your cousin “Your idea doesn’t make ANY sense. You can’t make a surprise party when you plan to invite half campus.”

“Could you, please, shut up?” he warns, lifting his index finger in your direction “I was telling her that we could throw a big surprise party and invite everyone to celebrate Yuta’s birthday.”

“Basically, he wants to throw one of your frat parties and expects Yuta to be surprised. This is a terrible idea.” you say crossing your arms over your chest “I suggest something more intimate, for his close friends…”

“You’re just saying this because you don’t like our parties. They are the most fun-“ Jaehyun interrupts Taeyong before he can finish.

“I agree with your cousin, hyung.” you and Taeyong quickly shift your attention to the boy “She has a point. You can’t expect that everyone you invite won’t tell Yuta. And it’s his birthday, he should celebrate with people that actually care about him,” he sips his iced coffee before continuing “We can make a small surprise party. I heard Winwin is planning to visit us and Johnny knows one of his classmates, he can ask-“

"No, not Johnny.” you interrupt him “He will end up telling Yuta about the party.”

“I can try talking to the guy, I guess.” he smiles and you nod happily.

“See, Taeyong, that’s what we call a good idea,” you say and he makes a disgusted face.

“Since when are you guys that close? You had your first date yesterday!“ your cousin teases you and you throw a banana at him.

“It was a friendly dinner.” Jaehyun corrects Taeyong, copying your words from yesterday. You smile, even though a tiny part of you felt a little bit hurt that he didn’t consider it a date. “And this has nothing to do with our new friendship, I’m just being fair.”

Taeyong hums looking at the younger boy suspiciously.

“I do think we can throw a party for him at a bowling alley, though. Does he like bowling? Maybe an arcade-” you start ranting but Jaehyun laughs at you.

“How old are you?” as soon as the question leaves his lips, Taeyong snickers.

“I told you it was childish.”

You place your elbows on the table and rests your cheeks on your hands. “I really wanted to go to an arcade,” you mumble.

“Go by yourself then,” Taeyong says, placing the banana you threw at him back on your tray. “I’ll create a group chat with you so we can think about the details.” he says, fishing his phone out of his pocket and widening his eyes when he looked at the time “I gotta go or I’ll be late for class.”

Jaehyun stands up at the same time as your cousin, gathering his belongings “I should go too.”

“It’s a surprise, don’t tell anyone.” Taeyong points a finger at you before waving goodbye.

“I’m not a snitch,” you say loud enough for him to hear you.

You had to admit, the rest of your week went by quickly and nothing exciting happened. Except for one of your tutoring students. He was one of the exchange students Mrs. Park had warned you about. His language skills were still a bit rusty, but he was brilliant nevertheless.

Hendery Wong was so easygoing and fun to be with, that even boring tutoring sessions became bearable.

"So, you are telling me that I can’t use this structure here” he frowned and pointed at the same sentence for the third time “But in this other situation it is correct? It makes no sense!” he laughs and throws his pencil on the table.

“Hendery, you need to analyze the whole sentence. Pay attention to the syntax.”

“Y/N, you are a great tutor, but it’s been two hours and I’m starving.” he stopped you by placing his open palm in front of your face.

“You’re right, we should let this matter for the next session.” you started gathering your belongings while the guy next to you stood up.

“Do you wanna grab lunch together? But you are forbidden to talk about syntax or verb tenses.” you laughed at him and nod

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

“Great!”

Once you stood up and got ready to go, you realized the boy started giggling while looking at you.

“What’s wrong? Do I have something on my face?” you asked, palming your cheeks and forehead.

“No, it’s just that I was thinking,” the boy opened a big smile and you can’t help but mirror his action “You are really pretty."

That stuck to your head in a way that even now, on your way back from your aunt’s house, Taeyong could pinpoint there was something on your mind. He was on the passenger seat, looking at you curiously, and you could feel his stare.

“Spill it,” you say without taking your eyes off the road.

“Oh? Nothing. Just thinking about how I haven’t seen you since Tuesday.” he hums to an unfamiliar song and you frown “You’ll drop me first, right?”

“Sure. I need to give Johnny’s car back since you don’t have your own.”

“You should be the one with a car, I don’t even have a license.”

You scoff and he turns the radio on. You lived too far from your campus, so bringing your car with you wasn’t an option and Taeyong, being the useless cousin you think he is, doesn’t know how to drive. Johnny is nice enough to lend you his car once in a while. Taeyong said he would only need the car at night, so he didn’t mind if you took it today. It was a relief because going to your Aunt’s by bus was hell.

“Since you’ll drop me first, do you want to spend the night? It will be late to go home by yourself.”

“It’s 6:45, Taeyong. I’ve walked back to the dorms later than that.”

“We’re having a movie night. Maybe you can finally convince us to watch High School Musical.” he lifts his eyebrows suggestively.

“You know I always lose, everyone hates it.”

“Not everyone,” he emphasizes, but you shrug.

“I'll stay if you buy us pizza.”

“Deal.”

The rest of the ride is quiet. Taeyong falls asleep and you turn off the radio to avoid getting too distracted by the music. You have a license, but it doesn’t mean you are a confident driver.

Around thirty minutes later, you park Johnny’s car and go inside the big house with your cousin. Yuta was sprawled on the couch, reading a book and a guy you knew as Jungwoo was sleeping on the armchair. You could hear faint sounds coming from upstairs and you guessed it was Mark playing guitar. Or maybe Donghyuck’s screams while playing games, you weren’t sure.

Taeyong guides you to the kitchen and you find Taeil eating a bowl of something you couldn’t really guess what it was.

“Hyung, that’s my cousin.” Taeyong gets closer to the boy and whispers “She is going to help us with operation Osaka.”

“If you want to keep it a secret, maybe you shouldn’t call it operation Osaka.” the eldest jokes and you nod in agreement.

“Isn’t it frustrating living with Taeyong? He is so slow sometimes.” you sigh and hand your phone to your cousin. “I’m getting hungry.”

Taeyong tricked you into thinking that there was a movie night previously arranged. He said, however, the nicest things are done unplanned, so he invited the others. Mark and Jungwoo were the first ones to refuse. The first has a date with his girlfriend and Jungwoo is probably just not feeling it. Yuta stayed on the couch reading his book, not minding any of you. Donghyuck probably didn’t even listen to Taeyong, too engrossed in his games. The only ones left were you, Taeil, your cousin, and Johnny, who said would stay for just a while.

“What about Jaehyun?” you asked, bringing the beer cans to the living room. The words left your mouth before you could realize the consequences. You saw Johnny and Taeyong smirking and Yuta taking his eyes off the book and staring at you. “I mean, the more, the merrier.”

“Jaehyunnie has been locked in his room since yesterday. He said something about a project.” Taeil was the one who answered you.

“We shouldn’t bother him, then,” you say handling Yuta a beer and drinking your own.

“Oh, cousin,” Johnny called, making you roll your eyes.

“I’m not your cousin, John-”

“Where were you on Friday?” he smiles at Taeyong and looks back at you.

“You usually have lunch with us,” Taeyong says and proceeds to sip his drink to hide his growing smile.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry about that! I had lunch with someone else.”

“We are aware,” Johnny says not-so-innocently. “A little bird told me you had lunch with Hendery Wong, the hot exchange student.”

“I seriously hate this little bird of yours,” you say motioning your body to look at the TV. “and he suggested we had lunch together only because I was tutoring him.”

“Having lunch with the students it’s not part of a tutor’s job.” Yuta says as he closes his book “Taeil hyung, stop scrolling and choose a movie already!”

“He was just being nice,” you mumble, but Taeyong hears it.

“First Jaehyun, now Hendery? Your standards are too high for your own good.” he whispers playfully and you hit his legs.

Once the three boxes of pizza were opened in front of you and the movie started playing, you let yourself relax on your spot on the floor. You felt your eyes flutter and slowly close. You weren’t a very energetic person, and the previous week seemed to have drained all of your energy. You woke up to someone poking your cheeks.

Johnny was already gone and Taeyong was sleeping beside you. Yuta and Taeil were the only ones paying attention to the movie. You turn your head to see Donghyuck smiling down at you while holding a plate with three slices of pizza.

“Oh, hey, Hyuck,” you say, adjusting yourself. “You can eat it if you want.”

“I ate it already. I’m offering you the opportunity of taking this upstairs and giving it to Jaehyun hyung,” he says placing the plate on your hands and making his way between you and Taeyong. “You should also take a beer or two with you.”

“Why don’t you take it?”

“Shhhh.” you hear an annoyed Yuta.

After exchanging glances and engaging in a silent fight with Donghyuck, you stand up and go straight to the kitchen to grab two cans of beer. Why were you listening to him? Why was your heart beating faster the closer you got to the staircase? What if Jaehyun was asleep? Or, maybe, he just wanted to be alone. You pondered if you should leave the food at his doorstep, knock the door, and run back to the living room.

But why were you so afraid to knock on a simple door? Because it was Jaehyun’s.

Even though he had acknowledged that you were friends and, now, you could manage to hold a proper conversation with him, you couldn’t help but stay very conscious about your own words and actions. What if Jaehyun realized you were actually very awkward and not interesting? Or worse, he could find out about your crush and distance himself from you. Then, all your efforts to build a friendship will be in vain.

You were overthinking about knocking a door. Jaehyun will make you go insane.

When you are about to knock, you see one of the doors in the hall opening and Jaehyun getting out. He looks taken aback at first by the sight of you in front of his door, trying to hold a plate and two cans of beer. But then, he smiles and reaches to grab the cans from your arms.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Taeyong invited me for a movie night.”

“And what about these?” he asks, lifting the beers and pointing his chin at the plate you were holding.

“Oh, these are for you. Taeil said you didn’t leave your room the whole day.”

“Yeah, I’m still fixing that project from Tuesday.” he moves to open his bedroom door and you glance at the amount of paper, glue, and materials you couldn’t even name. It was a mess. “I would invite you in, but I don’t think I can fit anyone else in here.”

“Oh my God, Jaehyun.” you widen your eyes and he feels his ears getting hot from embarrassment “Do you need help? I can start cleaning…”

“No, no, please,” the boy says, placing the beers somewhere and taking the plate of pizza off your hands “Go back to watch the movie.”

“You seriously need help.” you look around once again and then turn your gaze back at his face “Plus, the movie is not that fun.”

And that’s how you spend the next few hours with him. While he took a break to eat the things you brought, you started separating garbage from the things Jaehyun would actually use. Just by finishing that, he got back half of his room. Then, once the boy went back to the project, he gave you some little tasks like cutting some paper squares and handing him utensils. Jaehyun even made sure to explain to you what you were doing and talked about his project. Most of the time you just nodded in agreement, not really understanding what he said. What you did get was that the model he was building represented 40% of his grade. If you were him, you would be freaking out too.

“I had to rebuild the whole thing except for these details,” he says, pointing to one of the benches on your hand.

“And your group didn’t help with anything?” you ask, extending your open hand for him to get another tree.

“I wouldn’t let Naeun get close to this again. If she touches it, I might actually kill her.” Jaehyun mumbles while using tweezers to glue the tree on his project. He had his lips puckered, focusing on his task.

You stay silent for a moment, watching the boy cautiously finishing the details of his work. Now that you were focused on analyzing his figure, you perceived how tired Jaehyun must be. His tousled hair looked dirty and his eyes were adorned by eyebags and dark circles. You saw him yawning frequently and sometimes you could see him batting his eyelashes swiftly, to whisk away his sleepiness.

“Did you sleep last night?” you ask, giving him the last tree that was on your hand.

“Not really.”

“Shouldn’t you go to sleep, then?”

“I will once I finish my next assignment.” he says, motioning to grab a brush that was behind him “Don’t worry about me.”

“It’s hard not too when you look like a panda,” you answer and he smiles, but doesn’t answer. “Wait, what do you mean by ‘next assignment’?”

“I need to hand in an essay on Monday.” he mumbles, placing the last tree next to the main building of the model “But it’s almost ready, I just need to proofread it.”

“I can proofread it for you. Where is it?” you ask standing up and looking around.

“It’s fine, sit down.” he holds your hand and pulls it in his direction “You’ve helped a lot already.”

“The only thing I did was stare and hold some trees,” you say quietly, looking at his fingers holding your hands.

“You helped with the grass. The grass was important.” he smiles and pulls you with more strength now “Come on, sit down. You also helped me to not fall asleep, that’s important.”

“You know that you are too tired to proofread your essay properly, right?” you say sitting beside him again. “Plus, I’m one of the tutors of Academic Writing. Proofreading is what I do the most.”

“If I promise to go to sleep and finish my essay tomorrow, will you shut up?”

“Why can’t I proofread it for you?” you tilt your head to the side.

“You’re smarter than me, you’ll see my dumb mistakes,” he mutters and you smile at him.

“We all make dumb mistakes, Jaehyun.” you sigh and start gathering the unused utensils around you “Fine, at least let me help you organize this mess.”

Yuta is the one that comes and takes you out of your bubble. Jaehyun was giving his model the final touches while you were placing one of his books back to the shelf. The elder knocked on the door and entered before Jaehyun could answer it.

“Jae, are you- oh!” Yuta looks at you surprised “I didn’t know you were here. We thought you left before the movie ended.”

“She was helping me.” Jaehyun says without looking at his friend “Hyung, can you take the dishes downstairs for us, please?”

“Yeah…” the other boy exchanges glances between the both of you before leaving and kindly takes the plate and the two empty cans downstairs with him.

“You take your phone out of your pocket and surprise yourself with the time. “I should get going, it’s getting late.”

“How will you go back?” he asks standing up from his spot on the floor and stretching his arms.

“It’s only a 15-minute walk, I’m used to it.” Before you can reach the door, Jaehyun holds your arm and pulls you to his side.

“Look at the floor, you were about to step on the scissors.” he scolds you while you just stare at his facial features. How can he manage to look gorgeous and a complete mess at the same time? “Taeyong is going with you, right?”

“Taeyong is probably asleep by now.” you chuckle and try to avoid any other sharp utensil on the floor.

“You’re going home alone? At this time?” he follows you to the hall and stops at his door frame.

“What do you want me to do? Sleep here?” you question him playfully.

“Well, you slept here last week. I wouldn’t mind sharing my bed. Again.”

And then, you swear you see him smirking.

“Are you flirting with me?” you blurt out and pretend to sound uninterested.

“I might be.”

You feel your cheeks burning and avoid meeting his gaze.

“You are really shameless, aren’t you?”

“I was just kidding, silly.” he laughs and pats your head “I’m actually offering to walk you home.”

You quickly turn your head to meet his face. “No, I won’t accept your company.”

“Why?” he says putting a hand on his chest soundings genuinely offended “I was kidding, I’m not flirting with you-”

“I don’t know how to feel about this,” you mumble, quite offended this time “I guess I should say thank you?” you giggle and stop at the top of the staircase “I appreciate your offer, but you look really, really tired. Just go to sleep before you start hallucinating from sleep deprivation.”

Instinctively, you cup his cheeks on your hands and look at him seriously “Please. Go. To. Sleep.” you take your hands out of his face, leaving Jaehyun’s cheeks numb and his ears, red.

“It’s dangerous for you to walk alone at night.” he stutters, a bit flustered from your sudden affectionate touch.

Before you realized, you were already on the ground floor. Donghyuck was cuddling Taeil, both asleep on the floor.

“And you’re suggesting you will protect me if something happens?” you whisper passing by the two of them in the living room “You can barely keep your eyes open. I’ll be more worried about you walking back here alone. No way.”

“I told you to stop worrying about me.” he gets closer to you just to hold the doorknob, stopping you from opening it.

“Then you shouldn’t worry about me either.” you take his hand from the handle and open it.

“You ladies keep complaining about the death of chivalry,” he says leaning on the door frame “but here you are, ignoring my attempts.”

“Oh, you’re such a gentleman.” you mock him and he shakes his head smiling. “Goodbye, Jaehyun.”

“Text me as soon as you get home,” he shouts to make sure you listen.

And you did. Your cheeks blushed at his words and you couldn’t dare to look back, but if you did, you would see Jaehyun standing still in front of the house, and only getting in once your figure was out of frame.

The boy has always admired you, even though you only small-talked before. He found you smart and it was funny watching you and Johnny bickering all the time. The morning you woke up beside him was clearly a shock. Jaehyun didn’t know you well enough to share a bed with you, but, somehow, he felt that was the beginning of your new friendship.

Once he got inside, he saw Donghyuck whining while Taeil pushed him away.

“Get off me, Donghyuck.”

“I’m gonna make some ramyeon, do you want it?” Jaehyun asks while walking past them.

The youngest stands up and follows Jaehyun to the kitchen. Taeil takes advantage of this and quickly goes to his room, not even saying goodbye to the other two.

“What happened upstairs?” the younger had a mischievous grin on his face.

Jaehyun prefers to ignore Donghyuck as he doesn’t understand the question. “Do you want ramyeon or not?”

“Yeah, put on a pack for me” he takes three packs from the cabinet and throws them on the kitchen counter while Jahyun fills a pan with water. “What happened after Y/N went upstairs to give you some food?”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m omniscient.” he uses a sarcastic tone, “I told her to take that to you, being the caring dongsaeng I am, obviously.”

“Your jokes are getting funnier each day.” Jaehyun deadpans and Donghyuck smiles. “Nothing happened.”

“I saw her leaving just now and it’s almost two…” the younger uses a suggestive tone, making Jaehyun roll his eyes.

“She was helping me with my project,” he answers simply, making the boy groan.

“That bitch is slow as fuck.” he mumbles and Jaehyun smiles.

“I talked to Johnny about it and, now, I’ll ask you too,” he says after getting three eggs from the fridge. “Stop putting her in uncomfortable situations. The other day, Johnny invited me to dinner and when I got there, she looked like she would collapse at any moment.”

“She spent four hours watching you cutting paper, do you think she really feels uncomfortable around you?” he shrugs and continues “Plus, you both seem to be a lot closer. Text me when you get home? You don’t even open our messages.”

Jaehyun’s ears start getting red while he faces the younger boy “How do you- Yah, Donghyuck, you shouldn’t be eavesdropping.”

“Do you remember that project I did three weeks ago?” Jaehyun says excitedly.

Today was Friday, one of the only week-days you could see your friends - at least the ones who didn’t live with you or you didn’t share classes with. At the moment, Jiwoo is sitting next to you in the cafeteria, Johnny in front of her and Taeyong nowhere to be seen. Jaehyun appeared now, taking the other seat beside you.

“The one with the building and the trees?” you ask, taking a bite of your apple pie.

“He is an architecture student, every project involves buildings and trees” Johnny snickers and Jaehyun shows him his tongue.

“Not every project.” the boy takes a paper out of his bag and places it on the table, right beside you. “We got the grades today. It got 3.5 out of 4.” he flashes you a smile and you swallow your food harshly.

“That’s amazing!” you cheer on him, taking a closer look at the paper. “Is there any feedback about the grass? I was the one who made it,” you say the last part leaning on Jiwoo, who didn’t give you much attention.

“He didn’t mention the grass specifically,” Jaehyun smiles at how focused you were on the feedback note on your hand “But I can assure you it was exquisitely applied.”

“Wow, Jae’s using big words,” Taeyong appears behind you, greeting everyone and giving you a hug.

“You should celebrate it,” you say, giving his feedback note back.

“And what type of celebration would you recommend me, miss?” he playfully asks, stealing one of Taeyong’s fries without the older seeing.

“She will give you the WORST recommendations,” Jiwoo interferes before you even open your mouth “There is a professor that haunts Y/N and every assignment she finishes, her celebration is sleeping.”

“Or eating ice cream and then, sleeping,” Taeyong says with his mouth full of food.

“Last year, we went to the movie theater to celebrate the end of midterms and she slept before the movie had even started,” your roommate says, making everyone laugh.

“We’re going to the club tonight, Jae.” Johnny says and turns his head to Jiwoo “You’re coming, right?”

“I don’t know, I have to read some of Hendery’s notes and-” you start and Johnny interrupts you.

“Yeah, yeah, you rarely come. I was asking Jiwoo.”

You love seeing your friends happy, especially when, somehow, you are a part of it. However, since that double date - or friendly dinner, whatever helps you sleep at night - you couldn’t help but feel jealous. Your great friends were dating each other (they didn’t admit it yet, but it wasn’t really needed) and you couldn’t help but feel neglected. Jiwoo started to spend more time at Johnny’s than at your dorm, being considerate as you have already walked in when they were in a heavy make-out session.

“Yeah, sure,” she answers tucking her hair behind her ear. You gag on her action and she hits your shoulder.

“Movie theater is a good option though,” Jaehyun says bringing your attention back to him. “There are some new movies that seem nice.”

“Did you see they released a new one that’s based on a book?” you turn your whole body on the chair to face the boy beside you. “The book is so good. It’s a thriller and it’s narrated in the first person, so you only see the story from the character’s point of view. And, then, she starts going insane…”

“Is it that book you have been begging me to read?” Taeyong asks and you nod furiously.

“I really wanna watch this movie,” you add excitedly

“Let’s watch it then,” he suggests looking at you and smiles when he sees your blushing cheeks. “All of us, I mean. To celebrate my temporary freedom from that class.” he clears his throat and looks at the other at the table.

“I’m in, when do you wanna go?”

Taeyong asks, eating one of his fries. Johnny and Jiwoo simultaneously try to kick his ankle from under the table but end up kicking themselves instead.

“What about today after class? We can get the evening session,” he asks, watching your reaction from the corner of his eyes.

“I’ll have to get ready for the club, you know,,” Johnny says quickly and looks at Taeyong expectantly, but your cousin is still focused on his food.

“I have to run some errands too,” Jiwoo adds “But I’m sure Y/N is free. Her classes end at 3p.m!”

“I really wanted to,” you start and your frustrated tone gives away you’re not going to make it “but as I said, need to read some essays from the students and prepare some notes to help Hendery. Sorry.”

“You can do it during the weekend,” Jiwoo says, nudging your side.

“Stop hitting me!” you whisper to her.

“Well, I’m free.” Taeyong lifts his head and smiles at Jaehyun “We can go together, then.”

“Taeyong, won’t you come to the club with us tonight?” Johnny asks the other boy, giving him a knowing look.

“No, I told you they banned from that-” he grunts when Johnny successfully kicks his ankle from under the table. “Oh, right, yeah, I totally forgot about that. Sorry, I won’t make it.”

“Are you sure you can’t come, Y/N?” he asks you again and you feel Jiwoo elbowing your ribs once again.

“Stupid bitch, he’s asking you on a date,” she whispers and you silently ask her to stop.

“Guess I’ll celebrate at the club then. You should come too, at least for an hour.” he says poking your arm “You helped me finish it. It’s practically your project too.”

“If you don’t accept Jaehyun’s invitation right now,” Jiwoo leans to whisper in your ear, “I’ll lock our room and you’ll have to sleep on the hallway for the rest of the weekend.”

“I have the key too, you know,” you whisper back.

“I wanna see you try to open the door with the drawer blocking it.” She sits back and happily, goes back to talk to Johnny.

What if she was reading everything wrong? If Jaehyun wanted to go on a date, he would promptly ask you. Everyone knows how straightforward the boy can be. However, he invited everyone. You did want to say yes, but there were so many things to be done. Deep down, you knew it was just an excuse. You didn’t want to fool yourself into thinking that the boy’s invitation meant something more than just watching a movie. Still, he was your friend, how could you disappoint a friend who worked so hard and deserved to celebrate.

“I guess I can do my assignments tomorrow,” you lean closer to Jaehyun and say in a low tone “Let’s go to the movies.”

“Are you sure?” he questions furrowing his brows.

“Yes! Don’t worry.”

“Okay,” he nods and rubs your back. "Just don’t forget to text me when your last class is finished.”

“I will.”

“How did you like it?” Jaehyun asked you on your way out to the theatre, his arms around your shoulders.

“It was fine,” you answer, slightly nervous by the sudden proximity.

Truthfully, you had a hard time focusing on the movie. How could you when your hands were constantly meeting when both of you went to grab a handful of popcorn or when he laid his head on your shoulder to take a short nap? It was especially hard to pay attention to the movie when he started playing with your hand that was on the armrest during the last twenty minutes.

“It was kinda boring,” he says, guiding you to the exit and adding a distance between both of you once you reach the street. “I didn’t feel the thrill at all.”

“Well, I did,” you mumble, thinking about everything that happened but the movie itself “I’m just disappointed by the fact that this has nothing to do with the book. Not even the plot is the same.”

“The movie was your idea and it was terrible.” he playfully nudges you and you gasp, pretending to be offended “I’m afraid of how tedious the book must be.”

“Well, we could have watched any other movie. You didn’t need to choose that one.”

“But you wanted to watch it.” he pouts and you can feel your heart pounding on your throat. “Anyways, it’s almost seven now. If you get ready fast enough, we can get a ride for the club.”

“And who says I’m going to the club?” you raise an eyebrow and cross your arms around your chest.

“I am.” he takes your hand in his and hushes you to walk faster.

“Yuta’s birthday is this Saturday, don’t forget.” Taeyong reminds you before hanging up.

How can you forget since this is all he has been talking about this week? You started to regret helping your cousin with the surprise party considering the amount of work you had on your hands. You should have seen this coming. You spent three peaceful weeks without any new responsibilities. Suddenly, all your professors decide to schedule assignments and exams for this week. You were on the verge of killing anyone who crossed your path until someone really did.

“You’ll get wrinkles if you don’t stop frowning,” Jaehyun said beside you.

“Where did you come from?” you asked, slightly annoying for getting startled by his sudden presence.

“I was laying down right there,” he pointed to the green area on your right side “when I saw you getting out of your class.”

“Don’t you have classes? How come you are always doing nothing when we meet on campus?” you adjusted the books that were on your arms and Jaehyun noticed.

“No, I don’t have classes,” he said, taking the books from your hold “I work my ass off on those projects because it’s fun. Why are you so irritable today? Where are you going?”

“Library, I need to return them,” you say without complaining and appreciating your friend’s gesture. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just exhausted,” you said under your breath, but Jaehyun listened and used his free arm to embrace your shoulders to bring you closer.

“You know you owe me, right?” he whispered close to your ear and smiled at your flustered state.

“Uh?” you turned your head to meet his face and held your breath when you saw he wasn’t many inches away from you.

Jaehyun suspected about your behavior even before you became friends. You weren’t the most subtle person in the world, so it didn’t take him long to realize you had a tiny crush on him and got embarrassed every time he got more physical or playfully flirted with you. He found it awfully cute when you gave him the same stunned expression you are wearing right now: lips parted, wide eyes, and hot cheeks.

“You owe me a movie date.”

“A what?” you said louder than necessary, avoiding his gaze, and he laughs.

“A movie day,” he corrected, chuckling while you sighed.

“I don’t owe you any date or whatever,” you mumbled taking his arms off your shoulders “Stop with the frat boy behavior, I don’t like it when you do this.”

“Do what?” he asked innocently, smiling when you scowled at him and resumed your walk to the library “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Plus, I am a frat boy.”

“I am aware of it,” you said in disdain. “Why would I owe you a movie day?”

“Don’t you remember that terrible movie we watched together last month? I deserve compensation,” he said reaching your side and placing his arms back on your shoulders.

“You were the one who insisted on paying for my tickets. Do you want me to pay you back?” you asked genuinely and Jaehyun shook his head quickly.

“What? No! Of course not, silly.” he took off his arm from your shoulder just to flick your forehead “I said you owe me a movie, not money.”

“So you wanna go out this week? I’m sorry I can’t-” you guessed and he shook his head again, stopping you.

“You can come over and we watch it together. A little bird told me…”

“What does that frat house of yours have with little birds? Oh my God you guys really love gossiping, don’t you?” you scoff, and Jaehyun laughs.

“Johnny told me you love High School Musical.”

“Yeah, it’s a childhood classic.”

“Me too.” you swiftly turned your head to him as you heard him say “I like High School Musical too. Let’s watch it on Friday.”

“Are you kidding me?” you asked in disbelief.

“I’m not. You can come over after you finish your assignments. A High School Musical marathon will be waiting for you.” Jaehyun slowed down his pace as he saw the library entrance “You can’t say no, you owe me.”

And that’s how you ended up in Jaehyun’s bedroom on a Friday night.

He is currently in the kitchen getting popcorn and drinks ready while you are preparing the room for the High School Musical marathon. You place Jaehyun’s laptop on the bedside table and search for some blankets to cover the bedroom floor. You spent three whole days wondering if it was really a good idea to come over and watch movies with Jaehyun. You knew it wasn’t good for your heart, especially when you were already falling for him - for nobody’s surprise.

You have to keep reminding yourself that you are just friends and you should be happy about it. Being friends it’s better than strangers, isn’t it? But there is something strangely familiar with the way he places his arms around your shoulders and invites you over, on a Friday night, just to watch childish movies. There is a knock on the door and you stand up to open it, thinking that it must be Jaehyun with his hands full, but you see your cousin.

“Hey, Jae- pumpkin?” Taeyong tilts his head to the side looking puzzled “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, Jaehyun invited me to watch the High School Musical movies with him.” you shrug. “Do you wanna come in? There’s space for you.”

“Oh, no, no. I was just- nevermind.” Taeyong was about to joke about how you too seemed like a couple, but he decides that it’s better if you keep your good mood. “The boys are going out to celebrate Yuta’s birthday.” he finishes and you frown.

“But the party…” you whisper and he chuckles.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s kind of our tradition to celebrate our birthdays the day before too. Hyuck calls it a farewell party.”

“Did you tell them about tomorrow?”

“Not yet. I’ll tell them in the morning,” he says and rubs his hands on his back pockets

“Aren’t you going with them?”

“No, I have to stop you and Jaehyun from doing funny business,” he lets out and you hit his shoulder “Stop hitting me! I’m kidding. Doyoung is arriving late at night so I’ll stay to help him sneak in.”

“Won’t they suspect it?”

“Don’t worry, I’m a good actor,” he says patting your head “Well, enjoy your date.”

“This is not a date!” you scream as he goes away, leaving you alone.

Downstairs, Mark, Johnny, Donghyuck, and Yuta are seated in the living room, waiting for Taeil. Taeyong glances at the kitchen and sees Jaehyun too engrossed in his task, so he takes it as an opportunity and runs to his friends.

“Do you know who’s upstairs?” he whispers sitting beside Johnny.

“Taeil hyung?” Mark questions and Donghyuck slaps the back of his neck.

“Y/N.”

The two younger guys gasp and Yuta takes his eyes off his phone screen, paying attention to his friends.

“That asshole said he had an important arrangement,” Yuta whispers in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you lied too, Taeyong.”

“I’m telling you the truth! I really need to finish an important report.” he lies “This upcoming week is being so hectic. I’m really sorry, Yuta.”

“The boy’s getting his dick wet, I would say it is very important,” Johnny giggles and Taeyong makes a face.

“She’s my cousin, man.”

“I doubt it.” Donghyuck speaks up “I bet 10 bucks nothing will happen. That chick is dumb.”

“Yo, I think Jaehyun hyung will take it to the next level” Mark replies back.

“Make it 15,” Yuta intervenes “He’ll get some tonight.”

“20 on Hyuck,” Johnny says “He will kiss her, she will freak out and won’t look at his face for the next three weeks.”

“How much are you betting, Mark?” Donghyuck asks the older and Taeyong stands up to flick the youngest’s forehead.

“Stop betting on my cousin’s sex life.”

They hear a thud is coming from upstairs and everyone looks up. A faint “are you okay?” is heard and several seconds later, Taeil is in the living room with the others.

“Yah, Taeyong, why was your cousin climbing on Jaehyun’s closet?” the oldest says chuckling. “She fell, but I think she’s fine.”

“I told you, she’s dumb” Donghyuck mocks.

A few minutes later, everyone is gone and the only ones in the house are Taeyong, you, and Jaehyun. Differently from you, the latter doesn’t even spare a glance at Taeyong when he asks if he could join your movie night. The younger just grins and sends him a middle finger.

Different from what his roommates expected, Jaehyun planned this movie night with absolutely no other intention rather than spending some quality time with you. He saw your distressed state and it hurt him to know he could do nothing to help you with your exams. The least he could do was try to comfort you with food, as a good friend would.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” he asks, placing the popcorn bucket and the drinks on his writing desk and going straight to your direction. You are standing on his swivel chair, on your toes, trying to reach the comforter that was on the top shelf of his closet.

“I’m… almost…” you touch the cloth at the same time Jaehyun holds your waist. His hands were gripping your sides, securing you in place.

“Get this before you fall.” the boy warns you, squeezing you gently.

“I already fell.” you pull the comforter and it hits the ground. Jaehyun extends his hand for you to take it. “Taeil helped me, though.”

“Did you get hurt?” he holds your face in his hands, looking at you attentively and it doesn’t fail to make you flustered.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” you push his hands, avoiding his gaze. “Let’s start!”

Both of you sit down against the bed and you press play on the movie. Once the movie started, you could feel your heart getting warmer, memories from your childhood days flooding your mind as you still remembered some of the characters’ lines and, mostly, all the songs lyrics. You refrain yourself from singing the first three songs, embarrassed by Jaehyun’s presence, but once you hit the middle of the first movie, both of you were already making duos and you even stand up to perform ‘When There Was Me and You” making Jaehyun cackle as you use one of his middle school pictures as a fake Troy Bolton poster.

You wake up against Jaehyun’s chest feeling your back sore from the position. Your butt is numb and your legs were tangled in his. The boy has one arm around your body while the other is resting on your thigh. The laptop screen is black and you guess it has turned off. You lift your head to find Jaehyun’s head hanging back, resting on the bed’s mattress. It will certainly cause him a stiff neck. You smoothly remove yourself from his hold and stretch out as you stand up. You place the empty popcorn bucket on Jaehyun’s desk and close his laptop. You couldn’t find your phone, but from his window, you could see it was really dark outside. You had to go back to your dorm, but you couldn’t leave your friend laying down like that.

“Jaehyun,” you whisper “Jae, wake up.” you poke his face. “You’ll get hurt if you keep sleeping in this position.”

Your hands find his hair and softly pats his head. Jaehyun was warm, soft, and smelled so good.

“Jae, wake up, I can’t carry you to bed.” You keep moving one of your hands against his hair while the other is caressing his face until you see his eyes fluttering open. He groans as he moves his neck and you smile softly.

“What time is it, babe?” his husky voice and the sudden nickname catch you off guard.

“Uh… It’s late.” you answer moving away from him “I just woke you up to tell you to go to bed. You’ll hurt your neck.”

“Are you leaving?” he asks with his eyes barely open.

“Yeah, I need to go. You can keep sleeping, though.”

You start standing up and searching for your shoes, but Jaehyun presses himself against your back, enveloping you in a hug.

“No, don’t go. It’s dangerous,” he whispers in your ears and rests his forehead on the crook of your neck, making you freeze.

“I need to go,” you try to take his arms off you, only for him to hold you tighter. “Jaehyun, stop,” you use your most serious tone, but he pretends not to listen. “You’re such a child.”

“Stay the night. I’m too tired to walk you back to your dorm” he lifts his head to look at your side profile “and I won’t let you go alone.”

“I’ve walked alone so many times before…” you mumble and he buries his face on your neck again.

“Now you have me, you don’t have to walk alone again.”

You feel your heart beating faster at his words. If you weren’t already nervous enough with his sudden physical affection, his words completed the job of making your heart rate skyrocket. You keep on the silent battle to try to free yourself from his grasp and you feel him smirking against your skin.

“You know I’m stronger, babe.” There it goes, the damn nickname again.

“Fine, fine.” you give in, not bearing the current situation anymore “If it means you’ll let go of me, I’ll stay.”

He instantly releases you and pats your head. You start gathering your belongings, finding your purse and your shoes, but still looking for your phone.

“I’ll find it tomorrow,” you say to yourself and look at Jaehyun getting some clothes from his closet “Well, goodnight, then” you raise your hand and wave goodbye, but he catches your arm before you can turn to leave.

“Where are you going? You said you’re staying,” he asks genuinely confused.

“To Taeyong’s bedroom,” you answer as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

“That’s- why-” he frowns and gets closer to you “That’s not what I meant when I asked for you to stay.”

“What do you-”

“I asked you to sleep here.”

“Yeah, Jaehyun, I heard it. I’m staying in the house tonight.”

“With me.”

You gulp at his words. You definitely don’t like this game he was playing with you. You could bear the daily messages and the playful pickup lines, but this was going over the line. Why does he always insist on walking you to your dorm or buy two cupcakes at the cafeteria just to give you one because he knows it’s your favorite? Why invite you to watch childish movies with you on a Friday night when he can just go out with his friends and have fun? Why is he always giving you sudden hugs or holding your hands? Why would he call you ‘babe’? Does he know you like him? Is he trying to prove a point? You aren’t sure what this is, but you are seriously afraid of getting hurt.

“Sleep here with me. We shared a bed before, I don’t mind doing it again,” he continues, bringing your attention back to him.

“I asked you to stop doing this,” you pull your arm from his hold and walk two steps back.

“I’m not doing anything-”

“This behavior. Stop acting like this.” you repeat raising your voice a little bit “Quit playing with me.”

“What are you saying? I’m not playing with you!” he reaches for your hand again, but you deflect.

“Stop flirting with people if you don’t mean it.”

Your voice is stern and you see Jaehyun adjusting his posture.

“Who says I’m flirting with you?” he regrets what he said as soon as he sees your disappointed expression.

Why would you feel disappointed when this is exactly the answer you were expecting? It wasn’t the answer you wanted, though, and deep down you knew it. Your anger leaves your body as sadness takes over, but you manage to smile.

“I’m glad I haven’t misread your actions then. We’re just good friends.”

Jaehyun doesn’t understand why his heart clenched at your words. They were completely true: you were nothing but good friends. He doesn’t have any feelings beyond friendship towards you. Or does he?

“Just don’t go bother your cousin, he must be asleep,”  he clears his throat and hands you a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom’s cabinet, you can get it.”

You were thankful for being able to talk to Jaehyun like the conversation from the night before didn’t happen. You woke up alone on his bed. He was folding the blankets you left on the floor last night and flashed you a smile when he saw you awake. You realized the awkwardness was gone when he started cracking jokes with you. Jaehyun was treating you the same as before and you decided to forget about the conversation you had the night before.  It was like a silent agreement to not mention the sexual tension that both of you decided to ignore.

Once you went downstairs, you had an eventful breakfast though. Both of you found out your friends made a bet on your sexual life. Mark and Yuta believed you would have sex while Johnny and Haechan believed you were too shy to try something with Jaehyun. You were sure your cousin was in the middle of this, even though no one mentioned his name. Taeyong stayed too quiet during the whole breakfast for your liking. Jaehyun almost killed Donghyuck and Mark but said nothing to Johnny or Yuta because he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against the older ones.

You went back to your dorm to change your clothes and get all of the things for the party Taeyong was hiding from Yuta. The rest of the day went smoothly once all of the boys were warned about the surprise party. The plan was to keep Yuta away until you guys got everything ready by the evening. You went back to their house with Jiwoo, who was glad to help Taeyong and Donghyuck decorating the house while you, Taeil, and Doyoung were preparing the food.

Donghyuck was sulking the entire time for not being warned beforehand about the party, calling your decoration plain and boring. After you found out it was him who started the whole bet thing, you just wanted to kick his face. However, you decided to do it after Yuta’s birthday, just to avoid a commotion.

One of Yuta’s great friends, Sicheng, was, indeed, coming for his birthday and everyone was really excited for his reaction. Even though he could only spend this weekend with his friend.

“He was supposed to arrive with me,” Doyoung explains to you “I was going to drive to the airport and bring him here with me, but his flight got delayed so he will arrive at 1 pm.”

“And he will leave on Sunday?” you ask, handing him the spatula.

“Unfortunately.”

“He said to me he has exams on Tuesday,” Taeil completes “ And his birthday is two days after Yuta’s, he probably wants to spend it with his family.”

“Well, I hope he can at least enjoy his time around.”

The party was supposed to start at 5 pm, so everyone was running against the clock. At 1, Doyoung left you and Taeil in the kitchen to go pick up Sicheng at the airport and by 4, everything was ready, the guests arriving for the party. Taeyong, being the one of the only ones with a suite, kindly let you and Jiwoo use his room to get ready. Your roommate brought both of your clothes with her, and you had to admit you should have expected her to choose something you wouldn’t like.

“I just asked you to grab pants and a shirt!” you complain to her with your clothes in hand.

“And I did!” she uses her mascara to point at you “You act like those clothes aren’t yours. I took them from your drawers!”

“I know they are mine but-”

“No buts,” she gets out of Taeyong’s bathroom to face you. “I’m tired of watching you wearing rags when you have nice clothes. This is a party, woman, you need to show what you came here for.”

“I know, I just- This is…” you look at the skinny pants on your hands, different from the ones you’re used to wearing “so tight. I’ll get all…”

“All the attention, because it will hug you in all the right places. Come on” she whines and you smile at her. She was right.

You were so used to puttin on the same set of jeans and loose t-shirts everyday. You deserved to look good once in a while. Although your bottom was tight, your friends chose a loose long sleeve shirt for you to use, which you silently thanked her for. The weather was starting to get chilly, and you are the type who gets cold easily.

When you were both ready, you went downstairs to see a considerable number of people. Yuta seemed to be really popular in University. It isn’t really shocking though, since it is known how kind and polite the boy is.

When Yuta arrives, everyone screams ‘surprise!’ and starts singing the happy birthday song, he freezes. It takes him a moment to absorb the whole situation, especially when he sees Doyoung and Sicheng holding his cake.

“I wanted to make something special because it’s your last year,” Taeyong says hugging the guy “I know you will graduate soon, so I want you to miss us when you’re gone.”

“Thank you so much, guys!” he says after blowing the candles. “OH, WAIT. Can we light up some other candles? Winwin’s birthday is in two days, let’s sing for him too!”

That is how you spend the evening. It’s different from what you are used to when it comes to parties and this frat house. Not only the time of the day, but everything seems impersonal, cold. Now, watching these boys hanging out together, you start to understand why your cousin loves them so much: they are his family.

If the atmosphere is different, their craziness is the same. You were trying to hold a proper conversation with Mark’s girlfriend, Doyoung and Jungwoo when Donghyuck dragged you to one of his drinking games. He makes sure that you never win so you can take enough shots of vodka to make you feel dizzy.

When you are trying to sober up by eating some of the cupcakes you baked a couple of hours before, it’s Jiwoo’s time to drag you out of the kitchen and place you in a circle in the living room. With both of your hands occupied and your mouth full of icing, you watch Johnny putting on a show just to officially ask your roommate to be his girlfriend. Everyone cheered loudly for them, you including. You are glad that your friends found each other, even though it also means that now they will do everything together, including annoying you.

You are still a little bit too happy when Jaehyun comes to you and hands you a bottle of beer. You haven’t talked to him until then, but it wasn’t like you were avoiding him. Actually, you were preventing yourself from being teased by your friends.

“Wow you look…” he stops for a moment to check you out while sipping his drink.

“What? Too much, right?” you ask, starting to feel self-conscious. "I told Jiwoo…”

“No, your pants look great on you.” he stops you by pointing at you “I was just trying to find the right words. I don’t want to sound like a frat boy, since you keep asking me not to.”

You lower your head and lean on the kitchen counter. So he didn’t forget the previous night conversation.

“I was gonna say that you look hot as fuck,” you can see Jaehyun’s shoes touching yours, warning you that it would be dangerous to look up “and that I was ready to risk our friendship just to make out with you right now.”

You look up and instantly regret your action once you see him up close. Jaehyun traps you between his body and the counter. You feel your heart on your throat and something tingles inside you. You lock eyes with Jaehyun who doesn’t seem to notice your nervousness because he, himself, was dealing with his. Why did he suddenly feel the urge to make a move on you? You are his friend. But friends are not supposed to think about the other in the same way he was thinking about you right now. All he wanted was to kiss you in a way friends should do. He wanted to touch you, he wanted to do things to you that friends definitely shouldn’t do.

“Jaehyun…” the way you whisper his name, so close to his lips, makes him want to kiss you so badly. “I asked you to stop.”

“I’m not doing anything.” he whispers back with his body over yours while looking at your lips.

“I don’t like this game.”

“Good, because I’m not playing.”

You will blame the alcohol later, right now, you are too busy feeling Jaehyun against your lips. He had one hand on the counter behind you while the other circled your waist, bringing you impossibly close to his body. You took no time to place one hand on his neck and the other on his shoulder, helping you to keep your balance. He gently grazes his tongue on your lower lip, asking for permission, and once you grant it, the kiss becomes way rougher than you expected. Jaehyun tastes like beer and cupcakes, bitter and sweet. You smile at the thought of him eating the cupcakes you put so much effort on. His hand that was on your waist, goes down to your lower back at the same time you put both of your arms around his neck and bring him closer. He takes a few steps back, separating you from the counter, just to bring his other hand to your butt, and smirking right after giving it a light squeeze.

He lowers both of his hands to the back of your thighs, suggesting that he wanted to lift you up. Once you lock your legs on his waist, he walks back to the counter, placing you there and staying between your legs. You were feeling hot like you’ve never felt before. Your fingers find their way on the back of his neck, pulling a few strands of hair making him hum in satisfaction.

When you break the kiss, filling your lungs with air, Jaehyun quickly places his lips to your jaw and then your neck. He bites your ear lobe and leaves a trail of wet kisses up to your collarbones. You bring your body closer to him as you feel his lips find a particular sensitive part of your neck. He keeps one of his hands on your lower back while the other massages your thigh.

When Jaehyun tries to find your lips again, you place your lips on his neck, leaving light marks all over it. You feel him tightening his grip on you as your teeth graze his sensitive skin and you smile. When you unconsciously grind your hips against him, the boy feels the urge to rip your clothes off right and then, until your eyes meet again.

Jaehyun looks at your eyes and suddenly he feels his heart clench. He couldn’t be rough with you, he didn’t want to. His heart was beating insanely faster when your lips met for the second time. He slowed down your rhythm, and now, kissing you gently and lovingly, he could properly feel you. Feeling your soft lips against his and your fingers caressing his neck. He could stay like that forever, but forever is a long time to ask for in this house.

Donghyuck enters the kitchen and doesn’t even try to be subtle:

“WOAH, TAEYONG HYUNG, YOUR COUSIN AND JAEHYUN ARE MAKING BABIES IN THE KITCHEN.”

If you wanted to kick his face before, now you were ready to kill him. You quickly detach yourself from Jaehyun’s hold, get off the counter and before leaving the room, you hear Jaehyun say:

“Lee Donghyuck, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you.”

In the living room, no one really seemed to care about the information that your younger friend had just screamed. Only Jiwoo and Taeyong looked at you suspiciously, but you shrug and sit down by his side.

“I’m leaving in five.”

“Why? We’re going to the club after this,” he asks, placing an arm around your shoulder “Are you sure you don’t wanna come?” he raises his eyebrows suggestively before laughing at you.

“I just won't go right now because I don’t want people thinking I’m running away from Jaehyun.”

“You are, though.”

“Yes, I am.”

In the following week, there was no trace of Jaehyun in your life. Your friends were kind enough to not mention what Hyuck had witnessed in their kitchen and you thanked them for that. On Monday, after your Spanish class, the ones who walked you back to your dorm were Johnny and Jiwoo.

You didn’t know how to feel. You missed Jaehyun, a lot. He became part of your routine and not getting any messages from him or not being able to see his smile every day was making you frustrated. At the same time, you were scared of what that kiss in his kitchen meant. Was it the end of your friendship?

It was getting annoying, to say the least. Your mind would often replay the scenes you were trying too hard to forget in the most inconvenient moments. On Tuesday, one of the students had to call your attention because you spent two whole minutes staring at their assignment instead of actually correcting it.

Only on Wednesday, your routine changed a little bit. You had woken up late, almost missing your first class. Then, Mr. Choi finished the class ten minutes later than usual, making you sprint towards the main building to get to the study room as fast as you could since Lucas would be already waiting for you.

Once you entered the main hall and one of the employees scolded you for running inside the building, you started to walk fast, just to bump into the person you were expecting to meet. You as you lose balance, the books and your phone, that were on your hands, fall to the ground. Hendery was fast enough to hold you by your shoulder, helping you to stand up properly.

“Whoa, I guess you’re falling for me, uh?!” he says mischievously and you laugh.

“I almost fell because of you, not for you,” you answer and he grins. “I’m sorry, Mr. Choi took longer than expected, so I had to run and-”

“It’s okay,” he adds playfully “but you had to make up for me. For waiting, you know.”

“Oh, of course!” you nod and start guiding Hendery to the study room “I’ll stay as long as you need to-”

“I meant we can have lunch together, if you don’t mind,” Hendery reaches for your left arm, indicating you to face him.

“Oh,” you exclaim, holding the doorknob “Well if you insist, we can have lunch together.”

Taeyong gets startled when a backpack is thrown beside him, and a tray full of food is placed on the table with unnecessary strength. Johnny and Jiwoo stopped their forks midway, all eyes were focused on Jaehyun’s distressed face.

“What?” he asks, sounding ruder than he intended.

“We should be the one asking you what’s going on,” Johnny says before putting a big slice of watermelon inside his mouth.

“I brought watermelons. Do you want some?” Jiwoo slides one of the bowls in Jaehyun’s direction but he refuses it.

“I’m fine.”

“Who annoyed you?” Taeyong asks, carefully stealing one of Johnny’s watermelons and receiving a glare from the other guy.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbles and starts eating the food that was on his tray.

“Isn’t Y/N eating with us?” Jaehyun hears Johnny asking his girlfriend and starts sulking even more.

Jaehyun was sitting with a group of his classmates in the building’s lounge, discussing the next assignment while they waited for their next class. He smiled when he spotted your small figure walking fast around the building, but immediately frowned when he saw you colliding with a male figure. “Jaehyun, what do you think?” one of his classmates called his attention. “Uh?” he asked without taking his eyes off you. “We can start the project on Monday. What do you think?” The guy repeated but Jaehyun didn’t pay attention, too focused on the way the tall guy held your shoulders. “Whoa, I guess you’re falling for me, uh?!” He heard the guy and rolled his eyes at the cheesy pickup line. “Yeah, yeah, sure,” he answered and kept staring at you. When you were about to turn left and enter the study room, the tall guy quickly held your arm and said something to you, which surprised you, Jaehyun assumed by the expression on your face. "Well, if you insist, we can have lunch together.” Now, it was Jaehyun’s turn to be left surprised as he catches what you said. What really made his blood boil is the way the tall guy flashed you a flirty smile and the way you mirrored it. Once both of you entered the study room, he instantly stood up, but his knee hit the coffee table in front of him and spilled water in one of his friends. “What the hell, Jae?” Naeun exclaims, looking at the boy and then follows his gaze. “Sorry, Naeun.” he looks at his friend and helps her gather her things “I wasn’t paying attention.” “What were you thinking?” another classmate sighs and Jaehyun takes a quick glance at the closed door. “Don’t you guys think we should discuss this project in the study room?” He suggests holding his backpack and motioning to the door you had just entered, only to be ignored by the others.

“I’m not sure, she usually messages me about lunch,” Jiwoo says, checking her phone.

“I guess she will be busy,” Jaehyun says, not looking at the others at the table “With that guy, Hendery.”

“Oh, did you see them again? Why are you always the one coming across them?” Taeyong chuckles and pat the boy’s back.

“That’s why you are so annoyed then.” Jiwoo nudges her boyfriend “Yesterday, she told me she misses you, Jaehyun.”

“Apparently, Jiwoo and I bother her a lot when we walk her back to the dorms,” Johnny completes.

The boy doesn’t lift his head from the food, pretending not to listen. But he did, and it kills him to know it because he feels the same. Jaehyun didn’t reach out and he assumed that it was his fault. In his defense, he just wants to give you some space, some time to forget about what you did in Yuta’s party. He felt bad because he knows about the way you feel about him and he never, in a million years, wanted to use your feelings like that. Saying that he is just your friend just to kiss you and raise your expectations when he wasn’t even sure about his feelings was definitely a terrible idea. He wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to talk to him again.

“I was kind of a dick,” he mumbles, and Taeyong sighs. “I know she likes me more than just a friend and I didn’t want to give her hopes when I’m not even sure how I feel. I was drunk, that was stupid of me. She must hate me.”

“I’ve heard the drunk excuse once,” Taeyong whispers, and Johnny holds back his laughter.

“Drunk actions are sober thoughts,” Johnny says.

“You have a steamy makeout session with your friends and you say you don’t know how you feel?” Jiwoo asks, using her fork to tap on his tray, calling his attention to her “Yeah, it must be SO hard to figure out how you feel.“ she huffs in annoyance “You are the densest person I know.”

“Y/N is your friend too,” Taeyong adds.

“She is another d, she is dumb,” the girl replies “At least she knows her feelings.”

“Well, sue me for wanting to give her time and space,” Jahyun retorts and before he can resume his lunch, Taeyong grabs the back of his neck.

“Don’t use her feelings as an excuse. We both know you are the one who wants time and space.”

They leave the boy alone, all of them going to their respective classes, but not too long after, he gets a message from Johnny.

[john - 1:46 p.m]: spanish finishes 30 minutes earlier today

To say you were surprised to see Jaehyun waiting for you outside your classroom was an understatement. At first, you didn’t see him. Then, you thought you were hallucinating. It was only when he smiled and pulled you into a hug that you felt it was real. Your cheeks were burning while he held you way too tight.

“Sorry for not walking you home this week,” he says with his head buried in your hair “I was… busy.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to walk me home,” you reply, breaking your hug and you almost miss the slightly frustrated expression on his face. Almost.

“But you know I want to.”

You are glad that he decides to not mention that eventful evening. You know that, at some point, it can come back on you and mess your whole relationship, but, right now, all you cared about was Jaehyun’s happy smile while talking to you about the mess Mark made on the club on Saturday and how much fun they had with Sicheng.

Both of you were walking slowly, just appreciating each other’s presence and talking about anything that came to your mind at the moment. Once you arrive at your building, ten minutes later than normal, Jaehyun stops you from entering the building.

“I want to apologize for -”

“It’s okay.” you don’t let him finish. Listening to him apologizing for kissing you it will hurt more than pretending it never happened.

“But you didn’t let me finish,” he insists, but you shake your head.

“I know what you’ll say. It’s alright. I forgive you.”

“Y/N-”

"Jaehyun, don’t,” your voice is stern and he chuckles, raising his arm in defense.

“Alright. Then let me take you to the arcade on Friday after class,” he says, his ears getting red as he does “Remember you said you wanted to go there? Let’s go together. It’s my official apology.”

“I said I forgive you, you don’t need to-”

“This is my official apology, you need to come so I can be officially forgiven,” he smirks and you laugh. He was always so smooth to get what he wanted. “Then we can go to the party.”

“What party?” you frown in confusion.

“Our party, this Friday. You need to come,” you groan in annoyance and let your head fall back “Come on, I’m sure Jiwoo is coming too.”

“She will just spend the whole night with Johnny,” you plead him with your eyes.

“Then you can spend it with me.”

And when Friday came, you realized you can’t say no to Jaehyun.

You had an amazing time at the arcade. Even though you only arrived there around four, because of your classes, Jaehyun made sure to show you his favorite games and you even managed to win him sometimes - he will never admit that though, he will insist that he went easy on you. When it was around seven both of you decided to go back, since, now, he finally convinced you to go to the party.

Despite your protests, Jaehyun walked you back to your dorm and gave you one hour to get ready, saying that you shouldn’t be late. You get to your room with a silly smile on your face and spot Jiwoo starting to apply her makeup, but she doesn’t notice you coming in. You notice a dark red dress resting on her bed. It had an insufficient amount of cloth to cover her body on a chilly night like this, but maybe she wouldn’t need to worry about cold weather inside a house full of people dancing.

“I see that you are ready to kill Johnny tonight,” you say loudly, startling her.

“You do this on purpose, don’t you?” she looks at you and rolls her eyes when she looks at your innocent face “Do you like it?” she points at her dress and you nod, “I think Johnny will like it too.”

“Gross,” you joke and she shows you her tongue

“How was your date?”

“It wasn’t a date.” you start humming the first song that’s in your head “Do you think I will look too ugly wearing this?” you ask by placing one of your blouses in front of you.

“Why? Where are you going?” Jiwoo doesn’t spare you a glance.

“To the party,” you place the blouse back into the drawer and take one of your favorite t-shirts instead, “Jaehyun told me I had one hour to get ready,” you mumble the last part and the other girl stops everything and slowly turns her body to face you.

“You can’t be serious right now!” a grin adorned her face while she looked at you holding an eyelash extension. “You are so in love with each other.”

“No, we are not. We are just friends,” you state matter-of-factly “He just said I should have some fun and ended up convincing me to go to the party.”

“You say as if it’s easy to convince you to go to frat parties,” she turns back to finish her makeup. “If you give me fifteen minutes, I’ll help you get ready.”

“There’s no need for that, don’t worry.”

“Yes, there is. Go take your shower. Go, go.”

You sigh and make your way to the bathroom. If you were fast enough, you could avoid Jiwoo and the makeover you were sure she was planning. Every time you go to an event together, she makes sure to doll you up. Suddenly, flashes from last Saturday cross your mind. You definitely shouldn’t let her choose your outfit again. The last time didn’t go well.

After showering and washing your hair, you see your phone light up and Jaehyun’s face illustrating the screen. You hung up the call to finish drying your hair, but he insisted another five times before starting messaging.

[Jae - 8:14pm]: do u hate me???

[Jae - 8:14pm]: pick up the phone

[Jae - 8:15pm]: y/n

[Jae - 8:15pm]: if u don’t pick up imma be sad

[Jae - 8:15pm]: :/

[Jae - 8:26pm]: are u ignoring me????

[Jae - 8:28pm]: talk to me

[Jae - 8:28pm]: plssss

[Jae - 8:29pm]: i know u r reading my messages

[You - 8:30pm]: omg

[You - 8:30pm]: u are so annoying

[You - 8:31pm]: i was taking a shower

[You - 8:31pm]: do you want me to be dirty????

[You - 8:31pm]: what do u want?

[Jae - 8:32pm]: i forgive you then

[Jae - 8:32pm]: r u ready?

[You - 8:33pm]: almost? i need to hurry up

[You - 8:33pm]: jiwoo must be ready

[You - 8:34pm]: and i’m going with her

[Jae - 8:34pm]: nooo :(

[You - 8:34pm]: ??

[Jae - 8:35pm]: i’m waiting for you outside

[Jae - 8:35pm]: walk with me instead

You stare at your screen for some seconds before thinking of a reply. Why did Jaehyun come all the way to your dorm to pick you up? Is he insane? Is he trying purposefully making you fall for him just to crush your heart later? Is that the reason why he gave you one hour to get ready? He barely waited thirty minutes, though.

[You - 8:36pm]: ok..

[You - 8:36pm]: i’ll be down in 5

You run back to your room and throw everything on your bed, not caring about the mess. Jiwoo is finishing her hair and was almost ready to put on her shoes. You throw the wet towel that was in your hair on the floor and take the first pair of shoes you find.

“If you are rushing just to avoid me, forget it. You’ll only leave this room once you look presentable to a party. Look at you!” she scoffs but you barely listen to her

“No, not now. I need to go,” you pant and grab the first lipstick you found “Jaehyun’s downstairs.”

“HE WHAT?” she shouts and screams incoherent words afterward. You were sure the whole floor had heard her. “YOU CAN’T MEET HIM LOOKING LIKE A WET DOG. YOU HAVEN’T EVEN DRIED YOUR HAIR PROPERLY!”

“Stop screaming!!” you plead and try to find a hairbrush “It will dry naturally.”

“NATURALLY?” Abigail punches the wall behind Jiwoo but she doesn’t seem to notice or care about it “Come on, if you don’t want to change your outfit, at least let me dry your hair.”

“He has been waiting outside for a while now.”

“It won’t kill him to wait another fifteen minutes.” she grabs the hairdryer and goes to your direction, but you deflect “It’s either the hair or the outfit. You will have to change SOMETHING.”

You know how stubborn your friend can be, so you just drop the matter without fighting and let her do her thing. While you use the hairdryer, she chooses something from your drawers, while threatening to lock you out of your shared room if you don’t wear her outfit.

You regret not running away while you could when she hands you the same black skinny jeans from last time. You should have burned it last week. She chooses a crop top that was probably hers and throws your favorite denim jacket at you.

“Just so you won’t complain about being cold.”

You rush to get to the front of the building as fast as possible, just to find Jaehyun leaning his back against the lamppost. You can’t deny your heart skipped a beat at the sight. He is there, waiting for you. His head is hung low, eyes fixed on his phone. Jaehyun had the same outfit from the first time you met him at your first frat party: long-sleeved black shirt and black skinny jeans, looking just as good as the first time.

“Sorry, I’m late. It’s Jiwoo’s fault,” you say once you’re next to him.

His eyes scan your body up and down and you see a faint smirk on his face. “I like your jeans,” he adds suggestively.

“I hope I won’t feel cold, Jiwoo chose this crop top to wear at night!” you say to yourself, not realizing what the boy has just implied. Jaehyun was behind you, still checking you out, which if you had noticed, would have made you blush “You gave me an hour to get ready, though. I barely had time to dry my hair, it will look ugly later.”

“I doubt it,” he answers back and rushes to hold your hand in his. “Sorry, I guess I just wanted to see you soon.” He notices how you tense up and smiles at the way you tighter your grip around his hands.

“Stop it.” you warn him “You didn’t have to pick me up though, I could go with Jiwoo.”

“I came to pick you up because I heard creeps are hovering around the girl’s dorm.”

“Who told you that?” you ask, adjusting your hands together. Holding Jaehyun’s hand was more pleasing than you wanted to admit. It felt familiar.

“Johnny.” you laugh at him who looks at you confused “What?”

“Do you seriously believe in Johnny? There’s 24/7 security around our building,” you smile at him who mirrors your expression, showing you his dimples. “He just uses it as an excuse to always give Jiwoo a ride,”

“Well, I guess he just worries about his girlfriend,” the boy gives your hand a little squeeze, making you look at him “Tell me when you’ll leave the party so I can walk you back, okay?”

“You don’t need to,” you turn your head to the front. If you keep staring at Jaehyun while he is being so caring, you’ll collapse there and then.

“I want to, silly. It’s dangerous to walk around by yourself at night.”

“So I assume you will fight whoever tries to hurt me?” you ask humorously, a smile on your face.

Jaehyun tried to stay with you the whole night, but his friends weren’t helping. It all started as soon as you got to the house and Taeyong asked him to carry heavy boxes inside and stole your attention away from the boy. When he finally found you again, you were in a circle with Donghyuck, Taeyong, Taeil, and some girls he didn’t recognize, drinking some weird mixture they made. Before he could reach you, though, Yuta forced him to pair up in a beer pong game.

What he hated the most, though, was when he spotted you in the crowd for the third time that night. You were already tipsy, more prone to smile, and your smile was simply breathtaking to Jaehyun. But you weren’t smiling for him. It was Hendery Wong who was making you laugh and it was the other boy’s arm you were holding to steady yourself in place. Jaehyun hated, even more, all the times the boy would lean his body to whisper something to you and how he took advantage of that position to hold you by the waist, his hand resting on your lower back, bringing your bodies closer. Too close to Jaehyun’s liking.

“Stop staring, hyung,” Donghyuck says propping himself up against the kitchen’s counter. “Or else I will think you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous and I’m not staring.” Jaehyun sips his beer without taking his eyes off the couple.

“Yeah, why would you feel jealous of a funny and hot guy who is clearly hitting on Y/N?” Donghyuck says sarcastically and steals the drink from Jaehyun.

“He is shamelessly flirting with her for ages,” The boy tears his gaze apart from the couple to look at the younger who was drinking his beer. “Do you believe he used the ‘I think you are falling for me’ pick up line with her? And then inviting her to have lunch with him when she usually eats with me- us?”

“Who are we talking about?” Yuta arrives with two shot glasses in hand, filled with blue liquid.

“Take a wild guess.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes and goes to the dance floor.

“Do you want it?” the older boy offers and Jaehyun gladly takes it, feeling his throat burning with the alcohol. “What’s going on?”

“Hendery Wong.” the younger says looking back to the tall guy touching your body the way he wanted to.

Yuta follows Jaehyun’s eyes and hisses at the sight “I don’t wanna get punched in the face  but” he whistles and looks back at his friend “I don’t blame the kid, she looks hot as fuck tonight.”

“If you don’t wanna get punched, then close this filthy mouth of yours.” Jaehyun’s expression darkens and Yuta only laughs, tapping the guy on the shoulder.

Jaehyun considered approaching you. Fuck him, every time he saw Hendery touching your hair or smiling at you, he wanted to go there and punch that sly smirk out of the boy’s face. What would be his excuse, though? He didn’t know why he suddenly felt so protective around you, but it was eating him up.

“How’s tonight going, Jeffrey?” a cheerful Johnny appeared beside him “You looked so happy playing beer pong with Yuta.”

“Can’t you see I’m having the time of my life,” the younger one says sarcastically and takes the bottle of beer from Johnny’s hand.

“Your face says otherwise,” the tall one chuckles and glances towards you. “Just go there and ask her to dance.”

“She already has a date.” Johnny smiles and waves at someone “I don’t want to bother them.”

“It’s surprising they haven’t caught you staring yet. Jiwoo and I have been watching you and your jealousy attack for more than fifteen minutes.” He shakes hands with two guys who were passing by and complimented his music playlist for the party. “She likes you, you know? I’m sure she would dump anyone if you asked.”

“Why would I ask her that?” Jaehyun sounds offended. He didn’t want you to dump anyone for him. “She’s just a friend. A good friend. That’s why I want the best for her.”

“And I assume that, in your judgment, Hendery is not the best for her,” Johnny sips his drink and nudges his friend “but you are, aren’t you?”

“Hendery is not the best for her and everyone knows it. He is an exchange student, they start dating and what happens when he needs to move back to China?" Jaehyun crosses his arms in front of his chest, visibly irritated. “I just don’t want her to get hurt.”

“Oh, Jaehyun, please,” the older boy rests his arm on Jaehyun’s shoulder and leans closer to the boy’s ear “Just admit that you like her.”

“I don’t like her like that.”

“Yeah, right, so I guess now you call steamy makeout sessions, friendly conversations.”

“Can you not mention that? I was drunk.” Jaehyun snaps and slaps Johnny’s arm away from him “I only like her as a friend. Stop annoying the shit out of me. You, Donghyuck, Yuta, even Taeyong was bugging me this week. Cut the dating bullshit, for fucks sake!”

“Yeah, you take her on dates, make out with her in our kitchen, and now is jealous of Hendery blatantly flirting with her because you are just friends.” Johnny finishes his drink before placing the empty bottle on the counter “you definitely don’t like her.”

It was probably the alcohol, but Jaehyun was mad. He was so mad that he stormed out of the kitchen before he started a fight with Johnny. Why was everyone pressuring him about jealousy? He was only trying to take care of you. He knew about your little crush on him and that’s why he made sure to tell everyone that you were only friends. And friends care about each other.

He sighs and sits on the sidewalk, away from the party and from the stares. Away from you and Hendery. What was happening to him? He lays his back on the grass and closes his eyes. His mind reminds him of the way you looked so concentrated while watching the boring movie the first time you went out together. You looked so cute, biting your lips and barely blinking. He remembered the way you sang your heart out to all the High School Musical songs and how much he loves making you laugh, just to see your smile. He remembered all the times you tensed up when he held your hands, but after seconds were adjusting yourself. His heart starts beating faster when the image of you sleeping on his bed appears on his mind. The way you were peacefully sleeping beside him and how all he wanted to was hold you and never let go. His skin seems to burn with the memory of the feeling of your fingers tracing his skin, your lips on his and the way you ground against his body last Saturday.

“Fuck,” he mouths.

Lastly, he remembered how unbelievably pretty you look tonight. Damn, Yuta was right, you were hot. You look absolutely stunning and he wants you badly. He sighed thinking about how all of his friends know him so well. How could he keep lying to himself like that? Saying that he isn’t jealous when all he is thinking about is how great it must feel to be in Hendery’s shoes right now.

“What are you doing here?” he doesn’t need to open his eyes to know who it was.

“I’m tired.”

“Then go to your room. This is literally your house!” you hold his hand and try to force him to stand up “Come on, Jae.”

“I’m fine. Just go back inside. Enjoy the party.” he stays in the same position, eyes completely closed.

You huff in annoyance at his behavior. How dare him, tell you to enjoy the party when you only came because he asked you to.

“If you’re not standing up, then I’m leaving,” you threaten, but the boy doesn’t move. Why was he being like that? “Fine then. Once you decide to tell me what’s wrong, text me. Goodnight, Jae.”

You say, walking away from the boy laying on the grass. Five minutes ago Jiwoo came to you and told you to talk to Jaehyun, he looked stressed. Why was he stressed when he was supposed to have fun? You thought to yourself. But you had to admit you were more relieved than sad for not having the opportunity to spend the night with Jaehyun. After what happened the last time both of you drank a little too much, you decided it was risky to be too close to him and alcohol.

You couldn’t stop thinking about his actions, though. Movie dates, the way he always looked after you, he even remembered how much you wanted to go to an arcade and took you there. Your heart was confused. Could it be more than friendship? You cherished Jaehyun beyond anything you could explain, you didn’t want to ruin things with him.

You might have started your relationship weirdly. Looking back to the day you woke up beside him after a party, it felt like years ago. Because that’s exactly how Jaehyun makes you feel like you’ve known him for years. The more you got to know him, the more he seemed to grow on you. He was sweet, caring, and an absolute dork. He never failed to make you laugh and was always ready to listen to what you had to say, either if it was a joke or if you were just complaining about something. He would let you use his expensive pens just because you were curious about how they were. He listened to your messy playlist even though he absolutely hated 70% of the songs you put there. He is interested in you as a person. He makes you feel special and you can’t express how much you are happy to be by his side.

“Y/N, I told you that I would walk you home!” he shouts from behind you. “Wait for me.”

You hate how he could make your heart beat faster just by calling your name

“I thought you wanted to be alone.” you shrug and slow down your pace.

“Why are you walking so slowly?” he grabs your hand and pulls you forward “Just because I’m walking you it doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of someone attacking us at 1 in the morning.” you laugh at his sentence and he can’t fight back the smile that appears on his face.

“What happened to the guy who said he would protect me?” you question him, poking his ribs.

“I’ll only fight people unless it’s completely necessary. I don’t know if you realized, but I prefer to avoid confrontation.” his thumb starts caressing the back of your hand and you feel butterflies flying on your stomach.

“I like this way,” you softly say “I wouldn’t want to see you hurting.”

“Stop saying things like that, it makes me wanna kiss you,” he mumbles.

It makes me wanna kiss you.

Did you hear it correctly? Was he jokingly flirting with you or did he mean that? You didn’t have the guts to ask. The rest of the walk was silent, the only noise coming from your rhythmic steps on the concrete. Once you see the back of your building, informing you you are close to your destination, you try to take your hands away from Jaehyun’s grasp, but he only holds it tighter.

“No,” he pleaded quietly “not yet.”

You hum in response and keep walking beside him, holding his hand.

“Text me when you get home,” you say to him once you are in front of your building. You wait for him to leave so you can get inside, but he doesn’t move. “Are you not going home? Do you need anything?”

“I do.”

“What is it?”

“Can you hug me?”

Your breath is caught on your throat at his sudden request. What was wrong with Jaehyun tonight? You didn’t know he became clingy when he drank. Either way, you comply with his request and circle your arms around his waist and place your head on his chest. Jaehyun was warmer than remembered. You hear his heartbeat increase and smile softly. Was he as nervous as you were?

“Don’t date Hendery,” he blurts out and you frown, not understanding where this came from.

“Why would I-”

“I was so fucking pissed at the way he looked at you and it killed me that I don’t have the right to complain about it because we are just friends,” he says in one breath and you try to get away from his hold to have a look at his face, but he holds you closer “The way he touched you got me frustrated to the point that I had to go outside or I would have picked up a fight.”

“He was just being-”

“I swear to god, if you say friendly, I’ll kill myself,” he says pushing you away from him and you can see him scowling at you.

“He was being too friendly,” you say smiling mischievously and Jaehyun scoffs.

“Weren’t you uncomfortable with the way he was holding you?” he asked in disbelief.

“To be honest, I think you are exaggerating. I was really tipsy, he was just making sure I wouldn’t fall.” you say and Jaehyun rolls his eyes “What? He was basically just hugging me. We hug all the time.”

“You two hug all the time?” he almost screams and you put your hand on his lips.

“Shhh don’t scream!” you say, moving your hand from his lips to his shoulder. “I meant us. You and me. You hug me all the time too.”

“But I’m your friend and he is your student, who is clearly hitting on you, by the way,” he says placing his hands on your hips, but you don’t seem to realize.

“What, Jaehyun, is this jealousy?” you smile as the words leave your lips as a joke

“Yes, this is fucking jealousy.” he snaps for the second time tonight “I am fucking jealous because that kid has been hitting on you since you first started tutoring him and you don’t realize that.”

“Woah, hold on! Stop saying nonsense.”

“You are so frustrating,” he mumbles and brings you closer by circling his arms around your waist. “Please don’t date Hendery.”

“I won’t date any-”

"Date me instead."

You feel someone sliding their hand into the back pocket of your jeans and smirk.

“Stop that,” you nudge his side “frat boy.”

“Why do you keep pretending you don’t like it when I do this?” Jaehyun rolls his eyes and brings you closer to his side “Lunch at 1?”

“It’s good for me.” you nod and stay on your toes to reach for his cheeks. “Shouldn’t you be in class right now?”

“It got canceled,” he says taking his hand out of your pocket and placing it on your waist. “Let me carry those for you.”

“It’s fine, we’re almost there.”

“Let me be a good boyfriend and carry your stuff for you.” he takes the books out of your hands and kisses your temple.

You have been dating for a while now, but every time he reminds you he is your boyfriend, it never fails to make your heart flutter. You smile widely, poking the dimples on his face and Jaehyun pretends to be annoyed, when, in fact, he loved how happy you looked.

Once you arrived at the main building, you thought Jaehyun would leave you by yourself, but he made sure to escort you to the study room. Once you turn down the hall, your boyfriend spots a certain someone waiting for you outside. Jaehyun stops a few meters away and hands you your books back, but before you can thank him, he pulls you by your belt loops and crashes his lips on yours.

You get surprised at his sudden action but kisses him for a little while after pushing him with your books, whining about being in public. Jaehyun finishes by giving pecks on your neck, jaw, and cheek. Before you can ask why he did that, you spot the long haired Chinese boy in front of library's the study room. He is clearly avoiding looking at your direction. You hit your boyfriend’s arm with the books on your hands.

“I can’t believe you were putting on a show with Hendery standing right there. You are so childish.”

“Yet, you love me the same,” he snickers, giving you one last peck on the lips “I just want to make sure he knows you’re taken.”

[haologram]

araneae 🕸️ k.sy (teaser)

🕸️ synopsis: when you realize your friend (with benefits) actually has feelings for you, a tangled web of lies and avoidance ensues. 🕸️ genre: friends with benefits au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers because it's the only trope ever ; ta x student dynamics ; fluff, angst & eventual smut (surprise?) 🕸️ pairing: zoology ta!kwon soonyoung x marine biology major!reader | side pairings: joshua hong x sana minatozaki ; vernon chwe x roh jisun (fromis_9) ; mentions of reader x yuta nakamoto (nct) 🕸️ word count: 2.8k | full fic: i don't fuckin' know but hopefully under 20k. 🕸️ rating: 18+. minors do not interact i beg. 🕸️ warnings: mentions of knife play (none involved), alcohol, mentions of protected sex (dw it'll get freaky later), mentions of cum, loss of virginity talk, mentions of marijuana (stoner!hoshi be off the honeypacks!!), they're naked for most of this snippet. a lot of parties later in the fic, just wait LOL. 🕸️ what to listen to: good kisser - usher ; magic stick - lil' kim ; more to come.

LAST YEAR – Sunday, October 23.

You were never opposed to a nice Halloween party. Lots of thematic drinks, stupid boys dressed as Ghostface trying to explore knife kinks, and girls going all out with their glitter make-up and tinsel in their hair for the optimal fairy costume. 

You loved a good Halloween party, music blasting out of the speakers that were stolen from the AV Club by the softer version of the Beta Tau Omega brothers. Dancing with strangers in sweat-soaked facades, and waking up with smeared face paint all over your neck and shoulders from whatever disguised hook-up you'd taken home that night.

Last night's rager had to have been one for the books, because you have no idea how you ended up in this absolute mess of a bedroom – owned by none other than your close friend, Kwon Soonyoung. The same Kwon Soonyoung who also happens to TA the class you've put off taking for the last two years, and are set to start taking the upcoming spring semester.

The same Kwon Soonyoung that was related to the wife of the Dean, and the same Kwon Soonyoung that showed up everywhere stoned or ready to get stoned. The very same Kwon Soonyoung that made infused pre-rolls and edibles for nearly the entire campus…for free. Even you could see that was a horrible business call, and you were a Science major.

Soonyoung who helped people sneak kittens into their dorm rooms and make homes for them under lofted beds. Soonyoung, who taught a dance class and self-defense class back to back, so he was never free until after nine at night. Soonyoung who made hanging out seem like he was trying to get into your pants because he was just naturally flirtatious (and somehow, still absolutely bitchless.)

Soonyoung who you've kissed twice since meeting him two years ago, both times at Halloween parties hosted by his stupid fraternity. Soonyoung, who has had his hand up your skirt twice before someone interrupts you by asking if he has any weed at hand. He always does, and it's always in his car or his bedroom. He always goes, and a part of you, no matter how into it you may be, knows it's for the best. He keeps his circle small, of friends that is. You were added to the mix sometime after your first Halloween party (and first kiss together) your  freshman year, when he slammed into you in the middle of the economics hallway, breaking your laptop in the process. He'd felt so bad he took you to Best Buy that same night and shelled out two grand for a new one and even invited you out to lunch the next day.

He did not remember making out at all. To be fair, neither did you until the digital photos came back and he texted you a picture of the two of you kissing against the Beta Tau insignia on the wall. You were so embarrassed you avoided him for a week after, but he quickly forced you out of your dorm for a movie night. The two of you became fast friends, bonding over silly little things and enjoying each other's company – but it didn't stop the rumors from flying that you were a freshman stealing a guy from the sophomores. 

You remember that he adamantly denied any and every dating rumor flung your way, and even went as far as distancing himself from you for a bit – but when you tried to pull the same move he had earlier that year, he said maybe it was best for the two of you to remain friends from a distance. You didn't speak to him for the rest of the year, choosing to spend your time with friends your age and even dating a transfer student named Yuta Nakamoto, who was also in Soonyoung's year.

When word got around, Soonyoung was pissed – but didn't attempt to rekindle your friendship. He still followed you on Instagram, and still felt a bit of anger puddle in his stomach as he liked photo after photo of the two of you together, biting his tongue at the empty smile you held by his side.

This continued well into summer, and he saw the two of you take a trip to Jeju Island together, before breaking up the following week. Soonyoung heard from your friend, Nagyung, that he was transferring back and neither of you wanted to try long-distance. 

The following school year, he watched as you got recruited by sorority after sorority – eventually joining his frat's sister sorority, Alpha Sigma Delta. You hardly had to rush, the girls actively pushing you to pledge and you were far too nice to say no. 

You saw him again for the first time at the Halloween party planning, when you and your fellow pledges were tasked with helping the frat pledges in hauling in liquor. You weren't very happy about it, but Soonyoung whisked you away without a word from you, telling everyone that he needed your help with a certain task.

That task? "Can we talk?"

And you did. You talked, and talked, and talked. He even left at one point to get drinks for the two of you, returning to you fishing through his bag of pre-rolls for the ones infused with lemon balm. He smiled, telling you they were in his car, and you rolled your eyes at it.

You kissed at that party, too. It went further this time – the two of you on Seungcheol's balcony. The idea had been to go up to the roof and get crossed, but it seems a rather tipsy Soonyoung had other ideas. You didn't mind it, in fact you encouraged it – you slipped his hand up your latex dress, you let him slip your panties down your legs. "Hey, Hoshi! Do you have any pre-rolls?!" 

Just as he'd started undoing his pants.

"Fuck, I'm sorry baby."

"It's fine."

You passed out in his bedroom that time, too tired to go back to the sorority house with your sisters. You got out of clean-up, and Soonyoung left you a kimbap roll and an electrolyte drink on his nightstand, with a note asking how you got there 'haha.' 

It hadn't been fine. Again, neither of you remembered this happening until digitals were printed. And it was freshman year all over again – except this time, Soonyoung stuck around. Soonyoung defended you tooth and nail, and even dropped a few of his friends that bad-mouthed you. When you asked him about it, he shrugged, "Nothing wrong with kissing your friends every once in a while." So, here you are. Again.

The third year in a row you and your stupid friend have made out, and somehow, you're in his bed. There's no other explanation as for why your underwear is across the room, hanging off his lamp and why his head is gently laying on your chest. There's literally no other explanation.

"Soonyoung." You rasp, patting his cheek. He doesn't stir, but pouts into your bare breast. "Soonyoung." You speak louder, shaking him slightly as he peels open one of his eyes. 

"Yeah?" It takes him a moment to realize that it's you, sprinkled with glitter from his eye look last night and practically doused in his saliva.

"Oh, fuck." He just furrows his brows, rolling off your chest with a groan. He sits up at the edge of the bed, surveying the room before realizing he's got no pants on. "Son of a bitch. Did we…Yup. Yup, it's right there." His painted fingernails point at the discarded condom atop his dresser, flung hastily in a half-asleep attempt, most likely. You sigh, letting your head fall back on your pillow with a hmph. He does the same, his fingers only reaching up slightly to close the blinds with a jerk of the liftcord.

"You think it was good?" You ask with a small smile, and he snorts. "It was with you, I doubt it would've been bad."

Silence permeates the air again, before he sees your bare bottom half also covered in glitter. You have a tattoo on your hip that you didn't have when you first met. It's a stick-and-poke kitten. "Nice tattoo." "Thanks, I got it on Jeju Island." "When you and Yuta went?" "Yup." "Cool." He sits up, peering down at you with tired eyes. "What'd you see in that guy, anyway?"

"Hm?" "Yuta." "Oh. You want the truth?" It's like being nude in front of each other isn't a big deal. It's like having slept together after years of being in limbo means nothing. It's all so normal, the way you allow him to practically eye fuck you.

"I was sad you stopped being my friend." He blinks at you, watching the way you carefully pick at a thread loose in his comforter. You pull it out, discarding it behind you with a soft smile. "Does that answer your question?" "You fucked another guy because I stopped being your friend?" He asks incredulously, and you shrug. "Not just, but it was a large reason."

"You lost your virginity to him." His eyes are wide, and you shrug once more, nodding your head. "Yup." "Did he make you cum?" "Soonyoung-" "Did he?"

You sigh, patting his comforter. "Not the first couple of times, no. He got better at it, though. It was decent." 

Nodding, he clears his throat.

"Do you think I-" "Maybe. I don't know. I don't remember much, just the Pink Whitney Mingyu gave me." "Mingyu does love his Pink Whitney." You flip onto your back again, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. Tucking your hands behind your head, you speak again. "Do you think I went down on you?" "There's lipstick on my tip." "What color?" "Uhh…wine red." You wipe a finger across your bottom lip, the small amount of residue a bloody, Cabernet red. "Hm. Checks out."

The air feels…comfortable.

"Wanna shower?" "Yeah." "Can I shower with you?" "Yeah, Soonie."

The two of you stretch simultaneously, before rolling to the side of the bed and standing up. He grabs the discarded condom off the dresser, holding it like a used tissue and taking it to the bin. You dig through his dresser for a towel, and he fishes out something for you to wear.

"Boxers okay?" "Hm, I prefer briefs." "On me or on you?" "Your underwear choices are your business." He holds up a pair of Spiderman briefs. You bite back your laugh and nod silently, extending your hand for them.

He disappears into his bathroom, flickering lights on and turning the shower head on. "Hot?" "Boiling." "Got it."

The both of you get in, and you close your eyes as the water pelts your back. Soonyoung says nothing as he moves your hair off your shoulders and away from your face, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "You should've asked me." He mumbles, reaching for the shampoo in the caddy behind you. Peeling your eyes open, you look up at him with a confused stare. "Asked you for what?" He shrugs, holding the shampoo bottle upside down over his hand and squirting some out. "I would've made you cum the first time." You snort, shoving his chest lightly. "Yeah, well…you didn't. It's fine." "This isn't weird to you?" "What? Showering together?" "After fucking, yeah." "Could be worse." "How?" "I could be that girl you've been flirting with since last year, wondering when you're going to text her back." "Who? Yujin?" "Yeah." "I'm not flirting with her, what made you think that?" "Stolen glances, flirty touches, you give her pre-rolls all the time." He rolls his eyes as he cards his fingers through your hair, his dull nails scrubbing your scalp gently. Your eyes flutter shut, and he huffs. "I give everyone pre-rolls." "Because you're a horrible business magnate." 

"No, because I'm nice." You smile without opening your eyes, your hands reaching out to touch his chest. His body feels good under your fingertips, you realize. "Are you mad you don't remember any of it?" "Furious." He mutters, gently tilting your head back to wash the soap out. You can't see the way he's looking at the sweet slope of your neck, just barely making out small nips of his teeth across your throat. Your necklace hangs nicely. The rest of the shower remains silent, as he carefully washes you before himself. His attention to detail is insane, the way his fingers hold the washcloth taut so he can feel every inch of you. He has to commit this to memory.

After, you're drying your hair with a random t-shirt he gave you. He remembers you told him that towels can be too rough for your hair texture sometimes. It's only when you're brushing your teeth with a brand new toothbrush he pulled from his cabinets that he speaks. "Let me change my bedsheets." "Don't wanna lay in the sin of fucking your friend, do ya?" The navy blue sheets are quickly replaced by ones with light grey ditsy floral print, and his comforter is shoved off and replaced by a few throw blankets. He watches as you change his pillowcases, only looking away when he hears his phone ping.

Msg From: Cheol [9:32am] hosh [9:32am] who is the girl in ur room and is she missing a pair of cat ears

"What was your costume last night?" He asks, and you snort. "I was a sexy witch." He smiles to himself as he picks up his phone.

Msg To: Cheol [9:33am] not missing a pair of cat ears [9:34am] and it's y/n

Your head snaps up when you hear a pair of feet thundering up the stairs, followed by silence. You give him an odd look, only to hear excited giggles down the hall and the pitter-patter of two adult men coming towards Soonyoung's room. You cross your arms as you hear the door creak open, an expectant look on your face as Jeonghan and Seungcheol's noses appear through the crack. "Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Jeonghan remarks sweetly, and you just roll your eyes.

"He wasn't bluffing." He whispers to Seungcheol, receiving an annoyed huff from Soonyoung. "If you're done intruding on my personal business, I'd appreciate it if you left. The pledges still need to clean up last night's mess." Jeonghan gives you a wry look. "Can I say something and you don't get upset?" "If it's about sex, I will punch you in that pretty face of yours." You say pointedly, fluffing the pillow in your hand before throwing it onto his bed. Jeonghan purses his lips, nodding before sliding out from under Seungcheol. He nods his head, a satisfied look on his face. "Have a good…don't fuck too loud, okay?" Soonyoung barely misses Seungcheol's face with the charger he throws across the room, his giggle being heard in the hallway as he barrels down the stairs.

"Idiots." He huffs, running a hand through his damp hair as you flop onto the bed. "You don't mind if I stay here a bit? My head's killing me."

He lays down next to you, a sigh escaping his lips.

"You okay, Soonie?" Turning only his head, he scans your face. Tired eyes lined with thick lashes, plump lips covered by the Aquaphor in his bathroom. Slightly unkempt brows and your shoulder tattoo peeking out from the collar of his shirt on your frame.

"Kitty?" You grimace at the pet name, one he christened you with when the two of you met. He'd been dressed up as a cowboy, and dancing with a skeleton that was stolen from the comparative anatomy students (with the help of Junhui, of course.) He also had a lit joint between his fingers, one that sprinkled ash over your newly healed shoulder tattoo and made you yelp in pain.

"Shit, I'm sorry, kitty." He quickly put it out in a nearby ashtray, dusting your shoulder of any ash residue. "It's fine, it's fine. Just…can I get a hit?"

"Yeah?" He sits up, leaning against his bed frame before looking down at you.  "Would it be weird if I asked to try again?"

You glance up at him, an amused smile playing on your lips. "Try what again, exactly?"

He clears his throat, a beet red blush coating his cheeks. "You said Yuta didn't make you cum. And we don't know if I made you cum. So…can I have a redemption round?"

You've sat up at this point, a small laugh falling from your lips as you push your hair back, "You want to fuck me?"

"I can just go down on you, if, uh…if that's what you'd prefer." He stutters, mentally cursing himself. You glance at him, eyes scanning his face. "And we're still friends after this? You won't dump me?"

"I won't. I promise. Cross my heart, kitty." He holds his pinky finger out, insinuating you link yours. Sighing, you do just that. "Fine. Hop to, I want breakfast."

haologram © 2024 || no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[cutecatlov3r]

my character ai bots:

bnha-

dabi: toxic bf , mafia au

denki kaminari: your a milf

eijiro kirishima: dying his hair

hanta sero: shotgunning w him

katsuki bakugou: he smells good , mean ass soulmate , ghostface katsuki , rivals to lovers , he’s bad w feelings , your pro hero fiancé , if you die so do i , girl dad

izuku midoriya: corrupting the religious boy

jjk-

gojo satoru: can’t get enough of him , vampire au , wardrobe malfunction , your affair , he’s annoying , his eyes r funny looking

geto suguru: dad’s best friend

nanami kento: healing your daddy issues

yu haibara: he’s gone , he’s sick , he admires his upperclassmen

yuji itadori: your parents hate him , best boyfriend , dorky best friend , he’s delulu , captain of the football team , gossiping w him , older brother’s best friend , you have a bf already but he loves you , your his mentor , shibuya arc

megumi fushiguro: step brother

yuta okkotsu: your a fan , welcoming the new boy , he likes when you pull his hair , he chose geto’s side that day , your best friend

haikyuu-

atsumu miya: your annoying neighbor , he’s drunk

iwaizumi hajime: scolding you after your ex did you dirty

kei tsukishima: he hates you(?)

kotaro bokuto: he’s spiderman , your his fan , emo mode

kenma kozume: streaming wars , cat hybrid , he hates you , he hates brats

hinata shoyo: healing your issues , he got sick , u get ur head hit w a ball

tetsuro kuroo: studying w him

koshi sugawara: he’s your son’s teacher , your coworker , he’s jealous

keiji akaashi: he loves feeding you , the pretty setter

yuu nishinoya: he’s drunk

demon slayer-

sanemi shinazugawa: training w him , your roommate

aot-

eren jeager: smoking weed w him

blue lock-

nagi seishiro: coke head

bachira meguru: you’re his therapist , pervert bachira

death note-

touta matsuda: he has a little crush , admiring his boss

csm-

denji: blood lust , walking home w him , mommy issues

sk8-

reki kyan: he’s a zombie

fairytail:

natsu dragneel: mating season

nanatsu no taizai [seven deadly sins]:

arthur pendragon: your his servant , you saved him , he saved you , your his holy knight

hxh:

kurapika kurta: your loyal to him , it’s only you and him

killua zoldyck: he’s your little brother

the disastrous life of saiki k:

kusuo saiki: he’s self aware , your ordinary

if you have any recommendations on more bots I can do lmk ! i’ll be adding a bunch more :x

[taeyongers]

Between the Hammer and Anvil (M)

pairing: mafia boss/ceo taeyong x spy reader

genre: childhood friends to lovers, mob au, ceo au

word count: 33.6k

summary: you are a member of yuta's mob sent to spy on a rival mob's boss taeyong who unfortunately happens to be your childhood love that you haven't seen in a decade. when you realize he's still in love with you, and you with him, you grapple with the reality of your mission. (also includes best friend jungwoo and brief Johnny appearance)

warnings: blood, guns, gunfights, illicit activities, minor to medium injuries, physical violence, kidnapping, mentions of death, explicit sexual content, subyong and domyong and everything in between, oral (m. and f. receiving), slight hair pulling and breathplay, semi public (office) smut. healthy relationship though (besides the spying), accidental pregnancy. minors dni.

“The Scorpion?” You echo. The name is big, feared, and known throughout the criminal world, but never you thought you’d take him on.

“Yes. We need to infiltrate his base.” Your boss, Yuta, speaks busily while sifting through folders on his desk.

“That’s a bold move. He’s the most powerful mob boss in the city.”

“We have no choice. They’ve slowly been taking over our territories. I know we are big in the city as well, second only to him, but he’s too powerful to fight head on. We need to turn the tide against him before we’re nearly wiped out, and we do that by infiltrating his base.” He glances at you. “We need to get intel from there directly so we can figure out how to sabotage his operations, eliminate his members, and hit him where it hurts. Then, with the most powerful organization crumbling, we can take over.” 

You mull the idea over in your mind. It’s a good idea in theory but you can’t imagine how you can possibly put it into action. “Do you know where his base is?” He shakes his head. You snort. “No offense, Yuta, but for all your wittiness, this plan is foolhardy. Not to mention risky. How do you intend on infiltrating him? He’s smart, powerful, and hides in the shadows. No one knows who or where he is.”

Yuta smiles. “Nobody did. But I do.” He rummages through his files. 

You blink. “You managed to uncover his real identity?”

“Yes.. with a great deal of tracking and tracing through member interactions, we’re about ninety percent sure of his identity.” He seems to find the file he was looking for and pulls up a paper for view. “And I need you to go in, pose as a new recruit, monitor them for a while and then come back and report to me.”

Now, you laugh. “What makes you think they’d just let me in willy nilly?”

Yuta grins behind the paper. “Because the Scorpion knows you.” You freeze. He puts the paper on top of a deck of documents in a folder and slides the case file across the table towards you. The thick stack of papers come into view haphazardly, but the printed photo on top slides stops your heart. Familiar eyes, face, all from your memories. “His name is Taeyong.”

Your mind swirls in flashbacks. Taeyong. A childhood friend. A friend whose father was a mob boss. Your father worked directly under him and you were Taeyong’s age, so naturally, you grew up together, from elementary into high school years. It was always expected that he was to take over his father’s position. His father’s organization was far reaching, well established, and successful. Yet no one would’ve ever believed Taeyong was a mob boss’ heir. He was always kind, funny, full of life, and soft. You’d watch him fall from the jungle gym and cry, thinking he’s soft, much too soft. You wondered how he could possibly be related to his ruthless father while wiping his tears and putting a bandaid on his wound, secretly hoping his softness never went away. 

But around high school, he’d suddenly grown shy, avoiding eye contact, avoiding everything, avoiding you completely. It hurt at first and then frustrated you to no end. You’d cornered him between the shelves of the library, watching his face painted full pink, flusteredly asking you what you were doing but all you could say was you’re my best friend, please don't leave me with tears in your eyes. He’d looked shocked, then relaxed, then apologized, finally, promising he wouldn’t. Painfully, painfully ironic because the next day was the last time you saw him.The police had managed to pin your father with evidence. Your dad suddenly made you pack and leave the state before he got caught. You recall crying in the car as you drove away from your home, your friends, from Taeyong. You’ve missed him every day since, even until now. Sometimes, the inexplicable aching emptiness threatens to swallow you whole.

Since moving here to a place outside police jurisdiction, your father began working directly under another mob boss. Twelve years later, it fell to his son Yuta’s leadership, while you followed your father’s footsteps after his early passing and joined to work directly under him. 

Yuta was reasonable but strict. And when he was ruthless, he was terrifying. Fitting for what was needed in a kingpin. He used you as his weapon for many missions and was usually successful. But this.. this is beyond what you had bargained for.

“Y/n?” Yuta’s voice shakes you out of your stupor. “Do you recognize him?” You blink rapidly, eyes tracing over the very grown features of the once lanky, shy boy you saw last. The Scorpion. So, it seems that Taeyong did take over his father’s position after all. 

“Yes,” you force out, voice shaky for some indiscernible reason.

“Great,” he sighs in relief. “I heard you grew up with him. We can use this to our advantage. If you try to join their organization, hopefully high up in the ranks. He might let you in easily. Then, you can infiltrate and we’ll have our victory on our hands.” Infiltrate. Let you in. You’ll have to see him again..

“No.” The word falls from your mouth before you can stop it. “I… I can’t do it.”

Yuta’s eyes narrow. “You’ve never refused a mission before. Why not?”

“We have uh..” your throat burns. “..history” 

He raises a brow, understanding seeping into his features. “A lover?”

Your cheeks burn, and you look away. “No.. just friends.”

Yuta looks skeptical. “How long ago?”

“Twelve years.” 

“Good. That's enough time to be over him, or for him to be over you.” He continues rummaging through papers. You realize he’s going to continue with this plan. Your eyes flit back to the photograph, of Taeyong staring up at you, of memory flashes of soft, sweet smiles and blushing and butterflies. The thought of seeing him again, of betraying him…

“Yuta.” He hums in question. “I can't do it. Find someone else.”

He glares at you before scoffing. “You’re being dramatic. Just get in there, infiltrate, and get out. Find his weak points, things we can take advantage of.” Yuta drops the other papers onto the table. “I can’t find someone else to do it. You’re the only one he won't suspect since he knows you.” You hesitate. He leans forward. “You’re telling me that you’d betray us, after a decade, for a boy you had a crush on in childhood?”

“Of course not!” You say, but uncertainty flares in your chest. You are fiercely loyal to Yuta. You can’t imagine betraying him for anyone else.. but this is different territory.

“Good. All you have to do is remember your allegiance and get intel and come back in a month.”

A month.. you will have to interact with taeyong for a month. “And how will I join them if I don’t know where their base is?”

“Easy. You talk to their recruiter.” He says, filing all the papers back into the folder. “I had one of our guys spread the word around about a daughter of a former mob member who has great skills for illegal activities. It’s only a matter of time before they call you.”

You snort. “Wow, you even gave them my phone number?”

“I don’t need to. They’ll trace you on their own.” He answers distractedly, gathering the files. “Why don’t you take the next week off? I don’t want you here when they trace your number and location. Maybe hang around in a coffee shop or something?”

You watch him, nerves creeping up. “You’ve really planned this out, huh? What if I had said no?”

He glances at you. “Remember, this is our only chance to take down the Scorpion and ensure our success for years. I’m not going to waste it. Besides,” he smiles, plopping the files into a near pile on the table. “You never had a choice anyway.”

...

You begrudgingly visit coffee shops, parks and other public places the next week and stay away from Yuta’s base. Sure enough, you get a call from a private number.The man on the other end identifies himself as a recruiter for an illicit organization. The recruiter’s voice was rich and sweet, like molasses or honey. You find yourself enjoying listening to it. He calls himself Jungwoo and says that he heard about you through his connections, that he knew your father worked for this group a long while ago, and that they’d love for you to work with them. You try to sound interested and accept, feeling your stomach churn all the while. You are that much closer to seeing Taeyong after over a decade. He tells you to go to a specific location in the city from where he will pick you up. You follow his directions and within an hour, you’re climbing into a sleek black van with a young, handsome man and driving down the highway.

“We know about your father. He was a well respected man. It’s a shame what happened,” he recounts.

“Yeah, a shame.” You reply distantly, your mind only on the idea of seeing Taeyong after all these years and spy and subsequently betray him. Your stomach churns more.

“Were you okay after that? Did you go into hiding?” 

“Uh.. yeah. The police never managed to catch my dad once we left this area.” You are careful to leave out the part where you got involved with another mob, unknowingly the rival of Taeyong’s.

“That’s good. It’s nice that you can return here now.” He smiles at you. You inspect him. Is everyone working under Taeyong going to be this nice? 

“When I join.. do you know what position I’ll be or… or who I’ll work under?”

He hums in thought. “Well, since you’re a fresh recruit, you’ll be at the bottom of the hierarchy. Give it a few years and you’ll work your way up. You may even work directly under the boss.”

A few years? You will never get valuable intel for Yuta while working as a simple recruit. You need to be higher up than that to get valuable information. The gears in your mind turn until you play the only card you have. “Is there a Taeyong there?”

Jungwoo freezes, eyes flitting to you suspiciously. Nobody is supposed to know who the boss is, so you’re hoping to play it off like a coincidence “Taeyong? How do you know him?” He asks guardedly. 

“We were friends when my father worked directly under his father. I was wondering if he was still here.” Jungwoo’s brows furrow, and you explain further. “Yes, we grew up together.”

Jungwoo gives you a once over before carefully acquiescing. “Yes.. there might be someone like that there. I’ll have to double check our members’ list when we get inside. We’re almost here anyway.” He pulls the car into the lot of a large building that looks like a typical financial office building. Jungwoo parks his car and takes you through the doors, past reception and towards the elevators. The lobby is filled with people who look like office workers, dressed in formal wear and carrying briefcases and files. You figure it’s a nice camouflage for the real happenings of this building. Yuta’s group is mainly hidden underground in the slums and didn’t need this much of a cover. Once in the elevators, you both go to the highest floor. Upon stepping out, you catch sight of the floor to ceiling windows in the hallway. You can see the entire city’s skyline from here. Jungwoo leads you to an empty office room with some chairs and tables. “Please wait here. I’ll uh… check if Taeyong is here and knows you.”

“Okay,” you say, watching him leave. The moment the door shuts closed, your heart begins pounding. You’ve rarely been nervous before, not even during missions or shootouts. But this is different, so wildly different, you don’t know how to behave. You settle for focusing on the stunning view outside the window in order to ground yourself. Not even five minutes later, the door swings open abruptly. You whirl around to see two figures standing in the doorway, making no effort to come inside the room.

One is unmistakably Taeyong, dressed in a suit and hair carefully combed back from his face. His face, that he grew into after all these years, makes your heart come to a stop. His eyes are the same, big and wide and wonderful, even wider now with the shocked expression he wears, along with his parted mouth. His hand is still clamped around the door knob as if it's an anchor to reality. He stands there motionless, eyes running over you in disbelief. Jungwoo stands behind him, slightly bewildered at his reaction. “Y/n?”

Similar shock and disbelief well up inside you. Your churning stomach turns into a butterfly garden. “Taeyong…”

Junwoo watches the exchange before stepping back into the hallway. “Okay.. I.. think I’ll just stand outside.” He disappears from behind Taeyong who dazedly steps into the room. He looks so grown and handsome, with the same eyes you’ve always known.

“Jungwoo asked me… if I knew a Y/n…” he says, his voice so familiar even after a decade. “All I did was just run over here…” He steps forward carefully towards you until he’s standing in front of you. With him so close, your stomach turns into a bursting mush of butterflies and tingles. With his dark eyes drinking in every feature of your face, you barely recall where you are and why you came here in the first place.

“I… It’s been a while,” you manage out.

He blinks, as if registering your voice. “Yes. You’re... grown up,” he flushes. “You’re beautiful.” Your face burns, and burns again when his lips fall into a fond smile, eyes running over your features.“I missed you,” he breathes out. You find yourself  sucking in a breath. “Can I hug you?”

You pull him into you without a word, arms wrapping tightly around him. He melts immediately, hands pressing you closer against his chest. You sigh in the embrace, head resting on his shoulder. “I missed you too,” you say, voice cracking a bit this time. The daily, inexplicable longing you’ve felt for a decade has all been washed away in this moment. He squeezes you tighter, nosing your hair, so warm and safe in your arms that you never ever want to leave. It's a minute or two before he reluctantly lets go with a warm smile. He still looks so soft, just as in childhood, and it’s hard to believe you’re hugging a kingpin of a criminal empire.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” He touches your face again, gently. “Were you just recruited?” You nod, pressing your cheek into his hand. “Ah,” he blinks. “Jungwoo?” He calls. The man steps through the open door, eyes taking in the close distance between you two. “She’ll be working directly under me. Give her clearance to everything.”

Your brain grinds to a halt while Jungwoo looks skeptical. “Will she go through the initiation?”

“Not needed.” Taeyong turns back to you, eyes softening. “Her father worked with us for many years. No doubt she’ll be just as loyal as him.”

Jungwoo furrows his brows and looks as if he’s about to say something. Then, he stops himself, says “yes, Boss” and walks out the door, closing it behind him. Taeyong doesn’t pay any mind. He’s still gazing at you, smiling.

“So.. Boss huh?” 

He smiles, shrugging. “It took some getting used to.”

“For a kingpin called the Scorpion, you still look like the soft boy crying on the playground.”

He grins playfully. “Do I?” You nod, chuckling. “I’m glad you still remember.”

“Of course I remember. I remember everything about you.”

A light pink settles on his cheeks and you know you’re right; take out the title and he’s still the same boy you knew. “Listen, we actually have a meeting right now with my staff. I want you to join.”

And suddenly you remember why you’re here, how this is a supposed golden opportunity as Taeyong’s mob’s rival, and your heart bleeds in pain. “Ah.. is it really okay for me to join without an initiation?”

“Of course,” he answers easily, trusting, always too trusting. He hesitates and seems to gather courage to raise his hand and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. Your stomach bursts into a mess of butterflies once again and you hold your breath, not daring to move. His eyes are soft and you find yourself mesmerized. “You’re already part of this family, just as your father was.”

You grow unbearably soft, forgetting even the guilt as you gaze silently back at him. He does the same, and the air shifts in the silence. He looks like he’s about to say something before someone knocks on the door. “Boss, the meeting is starting,” Jungwoo’s muffled voice sounds through the door.

Taeyong blinks himself back to the present and smiles warmly at you. At that moment, you know more than anything that you don't deserve him. “Come on, let’s go.”

...

The meeting is held in a large room at the end of a hallway that is covered in crystal clear, floor to ceiling windows. You marvel at just how much money this organization must be bringing in compared to Yuta’s. No wonder he wants to take down this group so badly. As soon as you enter, all eyes are on you. A dozen men and women are dressed in suits and formal wear, as if this were no different than a business conference. You have to admit, they play their front well. Taeyong enters behind you and closes the door before standing in front of the room. “Everyone, this is our new member.” He gestures to you and introduces your name. 

You feel self conscious as skeptical eyes burn into you from around the room. Given your experience with mobs and their initiation process, no new member should be joining the ranks so high up in the hierarchy, let alone be introduced directly by the boss himself to the inner circle. None of these people should know you yet. You should even be here in this room. And from their questioning glances at Taeyong, they know this too. Taeyong is either oblivious or ignores them by the time he’s done introducing you. You smile and bow slightly before awkwardly shuffling into the back of the room, out of sight, with everyone’s eyes following you all the way. 

Taeyong seems to ignore the confused glares and questioning glances and starts the meeting. He outlines high level happenings of the organization, just as a CEO would for a corporation. You watch him confidently explain plans, ask questions to different people, and instruct them on what to do. It’s a marvel, and so different from who you knew in childhood. You take in his frame, dressed in his blazer and black button down and with matching trousers. A kingpin indeed. After giving instructions specific to each person on how to execute the phases of their next operation, he dismisses the group and everyone shuffles out. Soon, he stands alone at the front of the room, peering at the laptop screen sitting open on the table.

You saunter over to him. “You didn’t give me any orders, Boss.”

He looks up suddenly, a little startled, then seems to register your words. You catch the slightest glimpse of a blush before he looks down and rubs his hand across his mouth, obscuring his cheeks. “We uh… may need help identifying possible locations of a big shipment dropoff. You can work with Jungwoo on that. He’ll let you know what to do.”

You notice how he avoids your eyes. “Is that an order?” His eyes stay trained on the laptop, hands moving up from his mouth to scratch the back of his neck.

“Uh huh.” He suddenly catches you trying to hold back a laugh and sighs, ducking his head. “This feels strange. I don’t like giving you orders.”

“I’m just like everyone else.”

He looks at you like he’s about to protest but looks down again. “You aren’t,” he murmurs, almost to himself.

And if that didn’t make your chest hurt with an absurd amount of heart flutters, you would be lying. You watch him silently, not knowing what else to say. “I’ll get right on it, Boss.”His cheeks seem to tint that much more as you leave the room.

...

You’re supposed to be collecting intel, not helping them, you try to remind yourself as you find Jungwoo’s desk out on the main floor of cubicles. He greets you and pulls up a chair beside him in front of his computer monitor.“So, how was your first day?” He smiles as you settle in.

“Not so bad. I think the skeptical looks will take some getting used to.”

“They’ll warm up. Your situation is unusual, after all,” Jungwoo comments. “I’m surprised how quickly you’ve adjusted without skipping a beat. Almost as if you’ve been working for another organization all along,” he jokes. You laugh nervously. “Speaking of unusual, Taeyong seems to .. like you.” He eyes you inquisitively.

“Yeah. I’ve known him for a while. We didnt get to have a proper goodbye the last time we saw each other.”

“I see,” Jungwoo nods. “So were you together? Back before…”

“Oh no, we weren’t,” you shake your head. “Just friends.”

He squints, smiling. “Really? Because you two seem awfully close. I’ve actually never seen him like this before. I’ve been working closely with him for a while now and he has a tendency towards being on the softer side but he is never not strict and can be ruthless when needed. That’s how we become so successful. But with you, all that seems to melt away.”

You can’t imagine Taeyong being ruthless. Ever since childhood, and even until now, he’s been nothing but sweet and kind in everything that he does. “I think he’s just sentimental,” you wave it off. “It’s been twelve years, after all.”

Jungwoo doesn’t seem to buy it. “Whatever it is, it’s only a matter of time before he starts showing favoritism towards you and everyone will take notice. Actually, he already has shown favoritism, and everyone has taken notice.”

Your cheeks burn. You were supposed to not draw attention to yourself. “If you’re talking about letting me in without going through initiation, I think that was just a one time thing. I’m sure from now on, I’ll be treated just like everyone else. No special attention here.” 

Jungwoo is about to say something before a woman approaches his desk, calling your name. “Boss wants to see you in his office.”

Jungwoo gives you an insufferably knowing look. You ignore him and follow the lady. She guides you down the main floor of cubicles and towards the end of the hallway with large wooden double doors. It’s clearly the room of someone important. She drags open one heavy door by the long vertical handle and ushers you inside. You step tentatively through and balk at the scene before you. Taeyong’s office is massive - as big as a house. The ceilings are two stories tall. On the left wall, there is a main desk area in front of three bookshelves and various art decor. An armchair sits behind the large desk made of some fancy high caliber wood. On the right, there is a seating area with leather couches and chairs upon an expensive looking, misshapen- shaped rug. Of course, there’s a marble fireplace on the right wall to top it off.

“Oh my god,” you whisper as you step in. Yuta would be fuming with jealousy if he saw this.

You hear a chuckle. You didn’t even notice Taeyong standing by the back end of the room, given that the size of his office completely dwarfs him. He walks towards you with a wine bottle in hand. “Do you like it?” He smiles. “It’s my favorite room in the whole building.”

You step further into the room, taking in even more details you didn’t see at first glance. The leather of the armchair, the carved ivy detailing on the fireplace, the nameplate on his desk that looks suspiciously like it’s made of gold. “Yeah, I can see why.”

He grins again, motioning to his wine glass. “I was thinking we can catch up over wine. We barely had a chance to talk today. And we have twelve years to cover.”

You smile slowly and nod. “Sounds like a great idea.”

Within twenty minutes, you two are laughing over sloshing wine glasses and reminiscing excitedly over old memories. “I could not believe you,” he laughs, filling your glass again.

“I just wanted to know what riding on a bus felt like!” You protest, lifting the glass just as he was done pouring to take another sip.

“But you got on the bus with no ticket at eight years old?” He gazes at you, wide eyed.

“I was curious what a bus would be like! I’m pretty sure the bus driver thought I was one of the other passenger’s kids when I came on so he didn’t bother with the ticket.”

He struggles, laughing between breaths. “How long did it travel before you started freaking out?”

“Like ten minutes.” He laughs louder, hitting his hand on the desk you both are leaning against. “I demanded to be let off. I realized I didn’t know any of those people or where I was going. It was a good thing the bus stopped near your house.”

“I remember you rang the door crying,” he giggles, sipping his glass. “I figure being so rich really does inspire curiosity in such everyday things.”

“Yeah, with all that untaxed money our fathers made from illegal activities, we missed out on a lot of everyday things, so I was completely justified.” You emphasize, watching him laugh again. You smile giddily, feeling energized and oddly proud you can make him laugh so much. 

“Of course you were,” he acquiesces easily. 

“Our fathers were always busy but do you remember how they’d just drop us off at one of our houses or the other when they needed to go to work?”

“Oh yeah, those playdates were fun.” He smiles, eyes distant. “You were genuinely my only friend back then.”

You protest with a noise before you even finish drinking from the glass. “That’s not true! Remember your ninth birthday party with all our classmates?”

He scoffs before taking another sip, his smile fading. “Yeah, classmates, not friends. Remember that one kid blew out my birthday cake candles before I could? And I just broke down in tears?”

“Oh no, I do remember.” You recount your sadness while watching your friend crying and then the burning anger your nine-year-old self felt afterwards. “Oh and then I-“

“Then you took a chunk of the cake and shoved into that kid’s face,” Taeyong laughs brightly. “You got in so much trouble. And you ruined the cake, but that made my day.” You giggle, remembering the lecturing by multiple parents and the annoying kid crying into his mother’s skirt with pieces of cake still smeared on his face. All that mattered to you though was that Taeyong was smiling through the entire aftermath.

“I didn’t like that kid anyway. He teased me on the playground every day, yet my mom invited him.”

You frown. “I hated him for that.”

He looks at you fondly. “I know.”

You flush a little bit under his gaze, then straighten up and blame it on the alcohol. “Remember middle school and high school and how awkward we got?”

Yong suddenly grows shy and scratches his neck. “Ah yeah… I regret those days.”

“Puberty does wonders,” you roll your eyes before looking at him pointedly. “And our peers not minding their own business while being extremely heteronormative and interrogating any co-ed friendship throughout the entire school,” you point your glass at him. “Which ultimately led you to completing ghosting me freshman year.”

Yong waves his wine glass in apology, approaching you. “I’m sorry! People wouldn’t leave me alone! Besides.. you were ah..” he trails off, looking to the side as he always does when he's embarrassed. You mentally note again how difficult it is to believe he’s a mob boss. 

“I was what?” You press lightly.

“You were becoming really pretty and.. uh.. I.. was a toad,” he sighs.

You laugh out loud, reaching out to hold his hand in comfort. “You were not!” 

“I was! Do you even know what fifteen year old boys look like?” He shakes his head as he comes to stand before you. “All the wrong proportions.”

You shake your head, smiling giddily at the wine flowing through your system. You set your glass down onto his desk and tug him closer by the shoulders. “You were perfect,” you say purposefully, but don't miss the way a flush rises to his cheeks. Whether it's from the wine or your words or both, you can't tell. “Remember when I cornered you in the library sophomore year?”

His eyes widen. “Yes! I couldn’t tell if you were going to punch me or kiss me.”

You laugh again. “But instead I cried and said I missed you and asked you to talk to me again.”

Taeyong chuckles, eyes growing sober. “Yeah. And I promised to. But the next day..”

“Yeah, the next day.. I left.” Silence fills the room. The muscles of your face are slightly tired from all the smiling. You realize you’ve barely registered how close Taeyong has come to stand in the midst of talking. Your hands are still on his shoulders. His smile fades away until now there's an intense look in his eyes.

“I missed you, Y/n.”

Your chest aches. “Me too. I missed you too.” His eyes dart between yours, and find yourself falling into them. They are the same sparkling, wondrous, soulful eyes you've always known, which have always looked at you like this. It's when these eyes dart to your lips that your mind stops working. A burning, fluttering sensation erupts in your stomach like it did when you were back in middle school, being questioned by your friends on if you were in love with Lee Taeyong. You register him leaning a bit closer. His nose nudges yours, hands slide around your waist, and his hot breath fans your mouth. You subconsciously tighten your grip on his shoulders, your heart rate speeding up, your stomach twisting into knots. All you have to do is angle your head up…. 

Your lips barely brush his before a loud knock erupts from the double doors. Both of you freeze and are ripped back into reality. “Boss? Something just came up. We need you in the meeting room.” A muffled voice sounds through the door. 

Your hands retract from Taeyong’s shoulders with heat crawling across your face. His hands slip from your waist in return, his head falling forward in disappointment before calling out, “I’ll be right there.”

You clear your throat, cheeks burning. “I should go. Unless you need me for whatever that is.“

He shakes his head, rubbing his hand over his mouth like he does to hide his blush. “No no, you go on home. I don’t want you to be overworked on your first day.”

You gaze at him. He looks a bit put out and avoids all eye contact, frowning. You briefly wonder if he even enjoys being a mob boss. You lean up and kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He brightens up considerably, a smile blooming back onto his lips, eyes sparkling once more. “Yeah.. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

...

You return home in the evening, mentally replaying every single moment of that day. You swear your heart feels lighter than it has in years, as if the answers to all your life questions have been found. The world around you even seems to be a bit more colorful and you find yourself enjoying the walk from the parking lot to your apartment. You lightly smack your head. “Oh god, what am I doing? I’m a member of the mafia, not a giddy high school girl in love.”

Were you in love? Your cheeks burn, remembering how you shamefully melted at every single thing Taeyong did and said today. You even threw all caution to the wind and almost kissed him. You force yourself back to reality with a pounding heart. You really don’t want to know the answer to your question. You spot something in front of your doorstep and find a small cardboard package addressed to you from an unknown address. You step inside your apartment and rip open the cardboard flaps, revealing a brand new cell phone with a note. It reads: Activate this. Don’t take this anywhere outside your house. So, Yuta sent you a separate untraceable phone with which you can contact him to provide intel. You loathe how smart that man is. Groaning, you plop onto the couch and activate the phone.  As soon as it’s set up, you receive a call. “Hello?”

“Missed me?” Yuta’s voice sounds from the other end.

You rub your forehead. “You tracked my location to figure out when I came home so you could call me?” 

“Yes but mainly so I could find out where the Scorpion’s base was,” you hear him smiling on the other end. “And now I do, thanks to you.”

“Great,” you say sarcastically. Now Yuta knows where the headquarters are. You’re not sure if that’s good. 

“So?” He prods. “Tell me everything.” You hesitate and then relay to him how you were accepted without initiation and are working directly under Taeyong. You feel dirty while doing it, knowing you’re nothing but a weapon to Yuta for selling out a man who completely trusts you. “Good. Very good. Keep doing this until you collect enough information that we can use to really hurt them.”

“…Alright,” you say tiredly. There’s a glaring silence from the other end. You sigh and adjust your tone.  “Yes, Boss, I’ll get right on it.”

“Good,” he says before hanging up. You toss the phone across the cushion, feeling disgusted. What are you doing? How can you do this to Taeyong? You bury your head in your hands, mulling over your reality. At the same time, Yuta and his father helped you and your family when you had no one. You feel guilty if you don't do as he says, as if you were caught between two impossible choices.

You don't sleep well that night. 

...

You return to the office the next day. Jungwoo texted beforehand asking if you needed a ride to the office but you figured you could take your own car. Once you’re inside the building, it amazes you again just how much like a typical financial office space the entire place looks. People are busy with files and documents, rushing this way and that in their business clothes, meetings are held in conference rooms, and telephones ring throughout the floor. What a mask for the sheer amount of illegal activities happening here. You find Jungwoo seated at his desk, working away already. He greets you with a smile and a pat to the chair next to his. You vaguely remember you’re supposed to be helping him pick locations for some shipment dropoff. 

“Shall we pick up where we left off yesterday? You know, before the Boss whisks you away again?” He grins, teasingly. “By the way, I saw you leaving the office yesterday looking very flushed.”

Yesterday's memories flash through your mind, of the laughing and flushed cheeks and that almost kiss. You clear your throat abruptly. “We were just drinking wine and catching up.”

He grins into his coffee mug, swinging his chair a little to face his computer screen, not believing you for one second. You sigh and begin your work, asking plenty of questions when you need to. Jungwoo is kind and explains everything, their operations, clients, alliances, even the hierarchy of the organization itself. It’s a wealth of intel and you loathe it. You loathe having to know and learn things from people who trust you. You dread having to report it to Yuta. Your resolve in this “mission” falters by the day and you’re not sure your loyalty can last this week.  

You barely see Taeyong today. You only catch a glimpse of him talking to a subordinate in the hallway before disappearing into his office. Whatever came up yesterday must have made him very busy. You try not to deflate. Once the day ends, you bid Jungwoo goodbye, give one last glance at the hallway to Taeyong’s office and head home. You don’t get a call from Yuta that night. After all, he made it clear that you are expected to call him and report any new intel you receive, but you don't have it in you today, or for any day for that matter. The evening passes by uneventfully and you fall asleep in your bed. 

...

Like a dutiful employee, you return to the office the next day and the next, slowly getting used to the daily routine of the organization. You even begin to enjoy it. You are given the easiest tasks and are often paired up with Jungwoo, who you already know and who readily helps you understand things. You wonder how many new initiates were afforded the same privilege upon joining. Taeyong even invites you to his office again a few times this week for more wine and story time sessions. You’re happy to see him, but this time, you’re careful to keep a distance and not drink too much lest you repeat what almost happened the other night. Kissing him would make things… complicated, even more than they are now. You're not sure you’ll go back to Yuta if you do, no matter how much you want to kiss him. Taeyong seems to notice your distance and keeps a respectful space. You try not to feel disappointed that he does.

From the outside, it becomes evident that everyone else views you differently. They either avoid you completely or are overly respectful and almost treat you as their boss. You ponder Jungwoo’s words earlier, that everyone will take notice of Taeyong’s favoritism of you. The regularly scheduled rendezvous office sessions with their Boss probably aren't helping. You wonder if your preferential treatment will invite resentment from anyone. So far, everyone has been respectful to you, but by the end of the week, you get your answer.

You get your answer to two things, actually. One, your preferential treatment definitely does invite someone’s resentment. Two, you couldn't imagine Taeyong being ruthless. You said that before today. On the way to Taeyong’s office one day for another meet up, one of the male employees lingers behind you, the same one you’ve seen around with a perpetual stink eye and a bad attitude. You don’t recall exactly what happens, only that he’s spitting insults at you as he follows that steadily grow to shouting. 

“Outsider!” He shouts. “You didn’t even go through the initiation and you’re on more classified projects than I am!? Hell, you’re probably making more money than me.” You shoot him a glare without a word. You’re almost to Taeyong’s office. The brute will leave you alone then.

“Doesn’t even have the decency to turn around,” he growls. “Fucking bitch.” Then, his hand is in your hair, yanking you backwards sharply against his chest. The pain is like needles shooting throughout your scalp, stars and tears bursting from your eyes. Despite the shock, your training kicks in immediately, and you elbow him in the ribs so that he keels over. He lets go of your hair, giving you the chance to turn around and go for a kick to the chest.

You don’t have a chance to do anything else before someone is throwing him off of you. He’s knocked into the wall of the hallway before he falls down. Taeyong is bent over him, clutching the man’s jacket until his knuckles turn white to lift him partly off the ground. He is absolutely furious, something you have never ever seen before, yelling something that you don't register. Then, he punches him in the face. Other people are shouting and running down the hall towards you three. Taeyong’s eyes are hard, jaw clenched, his fist cocked and pulled back as if to punch the man again. You step forward, hands finding his shoulders and stepping him away from the man groaning on the floor. Taeyong’s eyes are cold and glaring.

“I want him out!” He shouts, uncharacteristic, pointing past your shoulder. “I want him stripped of everything, all clearances, documents, his name on everything. I want him out of here and dropped at a police station! He can rot in jail for all I care!” People rush to do his bidding, restraining the groaning man and lifting him off the ground. An ugly bruise is already forming on his cheek where Taeyong punched him. You tug him into his office and shut the large door closed. The commotion and noise from outside is muffled here in the silence of his room. Taeyong however is still restless. His chest is heaving in anger, jaw clenching as he paces back and forth. He’s clutching his one fist, which seems slightly swollen. 

“That fucking pig.” He growls, taking you back. You’ve never even heard him curse before today. “What the hell was he thinking!? Putting his hands on…” he focuses on you, softening. “Did he touch you? Did he hurt you? Of course he hurt you, I saw him-“ his voice wavers before becoming harsh again. “I swear to God I will-“

“Taeyong, hey, look at me,” you reach for his arms to stop him from pacing. He stops moving and closes his eyes to take a deep breath. In the next moment, he exhales and opens his eyes to gaze at you, his stunning eyes that you’ve loved for years. Your heart softens. You don’t want him to be in such pain. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not usually like this,” he mumbles.

“Well, he got what he deserved. You just beat me to the punch.” 

“It’s not that. I’m not this jittery or restless. I’ve dealt with worse than these kind of people before. I would’ve instructed someone else to restrain him but when I saw that it was you, I…” he trails off, eyes growing unfocused.

“Are you okay?” You cup his bruised hand.

His eyes flit back to you. “You’re asking me?” He releases another breath, thinks for a moment and shakes his head. “No I’m not,” his voice wavers.

You push forward and hug him gently. You wonder if it’s been a long time since he’s lost his composure. “I’m okay. I'm here and I'm okay.” You can feel him trembling against you and slowly relax, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you tightly against him. Then he gives in, inhaling your scent and burying his face in your neck. 

“You’re okay,” he repeats, a bit shakily. You’re taken aback about how absolutely undone he is, how worried, how much he cares for you. It might even be a trauma response from you disappearing from his life all those years ago without a word.

A lump forms in your throat. “I’m sorry,” you mumble into his shoulder. He pulls away in confusion, his wonderful eyes roaming your face in question. “Not for this. I’m sorry I left. I.. must have put you through so much pain.”

His eyelids flutter, arms around you squeezing tighter. It’s ridiculously comforting. “That wasn’t your fault.” You stay silent, tucking your chin back onto his shoulder, heart feeling heavy. “I’m sorry for what that pig did to you.” His voice is harsh, and you can feel his jaw clenching against your shoulder. “He was always a shady guy, harassing other members.” 

You pull away slightly. “It's okay, it's not my first time.” He looks at you with such disturbed anguish you feel bad for saying anything. “But I'm okay. I'm alright.” 

He sighs and gives you a thin smile. Then, he blinks and remembers to let you go. Your arms detangle from each other and you stand there, gazing silently, before he speaks. “I’m sure you could have taken him,” he smiles.

“Yes, I could have,” you grin. 

He smiles a bit proudly, then looks to the door. “I should.. take care of the commotion outside.”

You nod. “Sure.. and thank you.”

He looks confused then looks away, scratching his neck “You don't have to thank me. It was… well I didn’t even process what I was doing when I did it.”

You smile. “Still, I got to see another side of you.”

He flushes, looking away. “And you… you like it?”

You shrug. “I finally know why you're a mob boss.”

He smiles, his expression almost relieved, before he chuckles and takes his leave. When he disappears into the hallway outside, you feel an ache from the empty feeling of missing his arms around you. When you get home and Yuta calls, there's no information you want to give him. “What did you learn this week?”

“Nothing.”

Silence fills the room for a moment. “Are you serious? You’ve been there for a week now and there's no new info?” 

“What do you want to know, Yuta?” You snap. The deceptiveness of this mission has finally taken its toll on you. Seeing Taeyong drop everything to defend you today is enough to make you not want to help Yuta again. 

“I don’t know! Key operations? Shipment drop-offs? Members' names? Where can we hurt them the most, Y/n!?”

You groan internally, wishing you can just hang up. You remember finishing your task with Jungwoo in picking a drop off location for a shipment. You figure this is relatively harmless information to keep Yuta off your back. “They’re dropping off some important shipment for some high profile clients, probably government officials, tomorrow at eleven at the hotel on twelfth street. Maybe if you intercept them you can get that shipment and hurt Taeyong’s operations.”

“Taeyong? You’re not calling him the Scorpion anymore?”

You curse mentally. “Scorpion, sorry.”

There’s silence from the other line. “This information is barely useful but I’ll take it.” He pauses. “Do you remember where your loyalty lies?”

You roll your eyes. “Of course.”

“Good. Because the minute it changes, I’ll have you extracted from there.” He hangs up abruptly. It’s a threat. He knows your allegiance has changed. Although, it’s not as if you tried very hard to conceal that fact.

...

You decide to go in late the next day after lunch, mainly because you were tossing and turning awake all night. But the minute you walk into the office, the air is different. Everyone is tense and nervously mumbling. You approach Jungwoo at his desk who also looks more nervous than usual. You take in his bouncing leg and him peering at the computer monitor, reading an email intently. He barely notices when you slide into the chair next to him. “What’s wrong with everybody today?” Jungwoo startles at your voice, but instead of greeting you with a warm smile as he usually does, he looks at you sympathetically. You gaze at him, your smile fading. “Jungwoo, what is it?”

“Taeyong was shot.”

“What!?” you stand up so fast, the chair tips over and clatters to the floor behind you. He stands up with you, hands up in a placating gesture.

“Listen, he’s fine! He was meeting with some government officials today during our dropoff location and somehow, someone seemed to know he was there and that he was the Scorpion. They tried to take him out.” You are paralyzed, a wave of nauseas guilt hitting you all at once. “I’m not sure what followed. There was a scuffle of some kind, maybe he fought the gunman after being shot.. the details were unclear. It was a bullet graze to his shoulder and a few other injuries from the scuffle. He got checked at the hospital and they bandaged him up. He’s resting at home now. But he’s kind of depressed and won’t let anyone in, he said, though I think he’ll make an exception for you.”

Your heart flips. “Can I see him?” He nods and both of you hurriedly take your leave and get into Jungwoo’s car to drive to Taeyong’s home. His “home” turns out to be a ridiculously sized penthouse in a ridiculously sized high rise luxury apartment. “I guess the salary is good,” you mumble, peering up at the building from your window.

Jungwoo snorts. “You have no idea.” You enter the equally ridiculously luxurious lobby and Jungwoo escorts you to a special elevator that seems off limits to everyone else. “This will take you directly to his apartment.” He says, ushering you inside the elevator and pulling out a card from his wallet. “Just text me to let me know when you want me to take you home.”

You watch him scan the card against a pad and step back out of the elevator. “Thank you, Jungwoo,” you say sincerely.

He gives a nod. “Just make sure he’s alright.”

Then, the doors close, cutting off your view of him, before you’re taken directly to the top floor. With a ding, the doors open, revealing polished marble floor and ceiling. You step through hesitantly. His penthouse is much like his office, oversized and luxurious. It’s two stories tall with marble walls and floor, and a floor to ceiling window view of the city skyline in the living room that stops your breath. You wonder if he lives in this entire place alone, as you wander through the space. Somehow, you find your way to his bedroom and knock on the door. You hear a groan from the other end. “I said go away, Jungwoo, I don’t want-“

“It’s me.” Silence answers from the other side before you hear a small “come in.”Your heart leaps into your throat when you spot him lying on the bed with a bloody bandage wrapped around his shoulder. Other cuts and bruises litter his arms and face, and probably his torso which are obscured by his shirt. Tears sting your eyes. You see people injured everyday as part of your job but this is not bearable. Even worse, this is all your fault, all because you told Yuta that intel about the drop off. Now Taeyong’s injured, and nearly died because of you. You’ve never felt so disgusted with yourself. “Oh.. oh no,” you hold back a sob as you approach his bed. 

Taeyong gazes up at you, no doubt able to see your stress. He even offers a small smile as you sit down gently at the edge of the bed, your stomach churning at the bloodied bandage on his shoulder. “I’m guessing I’ve looked better?” He smiles, though his eyes are tired. You blink back your tears, not even processing his humor. Your hand comes up to hover over his cheek. He gazes up at you with what looks like hope. You banish all doubts and gently cup his cheek, finger stroking his slightly bruised skin. His eyes flutter closed and he nuzzles your hand immediately. Your heart squeezes in pain and affection.

“Taeyong, I…” you swallow a heavy breath. What can you say? You’re sorry? Sorry for not protecting him? Sorry this is all your fault? Sorry, you were sent here as a spy to gather intel and you’ve been lying to his face this entire time? Guilt stabs at you ruthlessly, as you gaze down at this sweet boy meant for a softer life than this. Instead of speaking, you take clean cloth nearby and gently wipe a dirt smudge from his cheek. He watches you silently, his eyes like the starry night sky that you fight not to focus on. You spot a deep bruise on his wrist, and take another clean bandage to wrap around it. His hand is light in yours, his eyes watching you carefully. Once you’re done, you can't help but raise his hand to your lips and kiss his wrist reverently. His chest stutters in breath. Cuts on his fingers and the back of his hand catch your eye this time. You take another bandage and clean each one, kissing them too, one by one. His eyes turn soft, always soft when they’re on you.

“Does it hurt?” You ask softly when you’re done.

“Not anymore.” 

You flush, turning back to his fingers, stroking them gently with your own. ‘Remember how I used to put bandaids on you when you fell on the playground?”

He smiles and the butterflies take flight in your stomach. “Of course. You’d grumble that it’s not that bad while putting it on and looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like… like I’m the most precious thing in the world,” he says softly, “Like you love me. Like how you’re doing right now.”

You fall completely silent, the breaths halting in your chest. Wordless gazes are exchanged. Then, he reaches up with his good hand, tangles his fingers in your hair, and pulls you down to kiss him. You don’t resist and melt so fast against his lips it's almost embarrassing, but he could never make you feel embarrassed. His kiss is soft, reverent, and gentle. You sigh into his lips as he strokes your hair gently. Warmth blooms and spreads to every inch inside of you until he pulls away with soft lidded eyes. Your forehead rests on his. Both your eyes are closed with breaths mingling as you both savor the moment after so many years of waiting. Then, he kisses your forehead and your heart twists again, with guilt and love and pain and all. 

“Taeyong I…” you struggle and he notices. His newly bandaged hand comes up to stroke your cheek in comfort as he nuzzles your nose. “I’m so sorry.”

He takes it as you being sorry for his injuries, because he doesn't know. Doesn’t know you’re a traitor. “Don’t be. I was careless.”

You can’t even object and explain that he never did anything wrong. Frustration wells up inside you. “After all these years I just want to be with you.” 

It’s a careless slip, a frustrated wish voiced aloud when it was meant to be kept buried in your thoughts. But it’s too late. A light kindles in Taeyong’s eyes that replaces all the tiredness they held before. His lips lift into a beautiful smile that makes your heart flutter in all ways and you realize you are doomed. You never had a chance against him.

“Then be with me.”

...

After more bandages and kisses, you don’t want to leave Taeyong, but know he needs rest. When you let him know as much, he pouts and asks you to stay. You give him a final kiss to the forehead in response and tell him you’ll be back tomorrow. He lets you go after that. Literally. He was holding onto your wrist to prevent you from leaving. 

With your heart thumping and affection running high, you give Jungwoo a call and ask him to pick you up and drop you back at your place. You thank him profusely for doing it so late in the night. When you step through the door, you spot the secret cell phone that Yuta gave you lying on the table, and feel anger rip through your body. It was Yuta. He took your intel about the drop off and sent men there to steal or sabotage it or who knows what else. When they saw Taeyong, they couldn’t pass up the opportunity to kill the boss. It’s a miracle Taeyong even made it out alive. You grit your teeth and pick up the phone. A notification pops up with 3 missed calls from Yuta. Without another thought, you call him back. It goes straight to voicemail. You figure. It’s late in the night so you decide to leave a message. As soon as you hear the beep, you growl into the phone. “The deal’s off. I can't do it and I’m not coming back.”

You hang up and pull out your own personal phone, holding the two cells side by side in your hands. Yuta’s tracking both of them. You make up your mind to have both destroyed and dumped tomorrow.

... 

You feel much freer going to work after that voicemail for Yuta and destroying both your phones. You let Jungwoo know you need a new phone and it takes no effort for him to get you one. Besides this, it takes a few weeks for Taeyong’s shoulder to heal. He misses work the entire time and rests at home. You visit him after work each day and take your own car so as to not bother Jungwoo. Most of the evenings and nights are spent changing his bandages, talking and sharing sweet kisses.

“It's nice to be taken care of,” he comments, sitting on the edge of the bed. He has a tank top and you try not to fixate on the muscles of his arms as you remove his shoulder gauze. 

“No one’s ever taken care of you while injured?” You ask, putting some ointment on his shoulder wounds. He winces a little and you give him an apologetic look.

“Well, I live mostly by myself. And I've never been this injured before. Jungwoo does have access in case of an emergency and he needs to get me. But other than that, no one knows I live here.”

You lift his arm slightly to wrap the gauze over and around his shoulder. His eyes roam your face, watching your concentrated features. “But this giant penthouse and no one ever comes by? That’s lonely. Especially knowing you,” you smile.

He smiles back before scratching his ear. “Uh, well.. I’m not entirely alone here. Sometimes my past partners would stay here.”

“Past partners?”

“Yeah.. you know, relationships.”

“Oh,” you say. Of course he hasn’t been single, you mentally note, just look at him. The thought makes you feel strange, though. You’ve missed such a huge chunk of each other’s lives but feel like you’ve known him forever. You finish wrapping the bandage around his shoulder.

“But I'm glad you’re here and not.. them or anyone else,” he manages out. “To be honest,” he laughs, looking down at his hands, the cuts having healed long ago. “I was looking for you in those people, but never quite found you.”

Your heart melts, eyes taking in the way he’s bent forward, avoiding your own. You cup his cheeks, bending over to kiss his forehead. “I was looking for you too all these years.”

He glances up and smiles slowly. “Really?” You nod. “So, we wasted our time?”

Your thumb strokes his cheek, and you watch the way his eyes flutter. “I suppose we did.”

“Well, in that case, we’d better make up for it.” He wraps his arms around your waist and tugs you into his chest so hard you both topple backwards onto the mattress.

Surprised laughter bursts from you, hands trying to push him off as he rolls you to the side and onto the bed. “You’re injured! Stop it!” you say between laughs.

He tries to prop himself on the bed with you underneath him, eyes dancing with amusement. “I'm the kingpin of the greatest mob empire. A little shoulder wound won’t - ow!” his shoulder flinches as he puts pressure on it.

Concern floods your chest. “See, I told you.” You maneuver him to rest flat on the bed against his pillow once again. “You need to rest, oh great kingpin lord of everything.”

Unbelievably, he pouts. So you acquiesce and lean over to kiss him. He hums happily, threading his hands through your hair. When you pull back, his eyes are soft. “Can you stay tonight?” You glance at his shoulder but he tugs at your arm. “Please? I don’t get sleep anyway when you’re not here.”

You swallow, gazing at his pleading eyes. “Of course.” A smile blooms on his face before he makes room for you to lie down next to him. Your body is a mess of nerves and butterflies but once you’ve settled in his soft sheets, he immediately wraps his good arm around your waist and bends forwards to kiss your forehead.

“Goodnight Y/n,” he sighs, snuggling closer. 

“Goodnight,” you echo, feeling more comfortable than you have in a long time. 

...

The next day, you wake up feeling well rested for the first time in your life. Taeyong’s body is plastered to your back, his good arm wrapped around your waist like a vice. The sunlight filters through his window blinds, falling onto his soundly sleeping face like bars of gold, and you think, just here and now, life is perfect. You’re not sure you’ve ever said that before. 

You flip over to see him. Your heart lurches at his peacefully sleeping face. He looks like an angel. You push back his hair from his eyes and lean over to press a slow kiss to his temple.

He stirs, inhaling. “Hmm, what was that for?” he asks sleepily, eyes still closed. 

You chuckle at his sleepy smile.“Nothing. You looked cute.”

He blinks open one eye. You giggle at his messy hair. “Cute, huh? I’m the mob kingpin lord of everything and you call me cute?” he mumbles sleepily.

“Hmm, definitely the cutest king for sure.”

He chuckles, reaches his arms over his head to stretch but flinches in pain, bringing his arm back down. “Ah, still sensitive.”

Worry flashes through you. “Are you sure you wanna come in today?”

“Yeah, it's been over a week and I'm feeling much better. Besides, a mob can't run without its cute boss.” He mumbles sleepily, throwing his good arm around your waist again. You gaze at him longer, your heart fluttering. It’s a slow realization that also happens all at once somehow - you want this everyday, for as long as you imagine. It grows worse the longer you stare at him. He cracks an eye open. “What?” 

It’s impossible to hold it back now no matter how much you try. “I love you.”

He grows still, both eyes flying open as he gazes at you in slight surprise. “What?”

You run your fingers through his soft strands again, pushing them away from his eyes, your heart lurching. “I love you.” Your voice is soft, almost as if you’ll shatter him.

Taeyong stares for a moment before pulling you in to kiss you, morning breath and all, but you can’t give a care in the world. When he finally lets go, he’s grinning from ear to ear. “I love you too. So much.” You laugh in disbelief as he cups your cheek and presses his forehead to yours. “To be honest, I’ve been having trouble holding those words back since the first day you came here.” Love flares in his eyes. “I loved you even before this. I’ve loved you since childhood.”

You’re slightly surprised at the sting of tears in your eyes. “I’ve loved you since then too.” 

Taeyong cups your cheeks and presses short kisses again and again on your lips, saying I love you between each one. You chuckle, blinking back tears as you accept them. Then, he pushes aside the heavy comforter, and rolls you over so that he’s on top, kissing and gently stroking your hair, making your heart lurch over and over again. Soon, his short kisses become longer until your mouths are pushing and pulling like tides. You kiss until your lungs burn. When you pull back, gasping for breath, he presses his forehead to yours. 

“Y/n,” he mumbles reverently. Your fingers skit down his jaw to the nape of his neck. He shivers in response, hot breath fanning your lips. You pull him impossibly closer to you and he meets your lips again. His tongue slips through your lips this time and sends sparks through your stomach. It grazes your own tongue, and you sigh, letting yourself melt into him, his warmth and body heat, the unbelievable feeling of being in his arms, his fringes tickling your forehead, his breath fanning your face. You kiss until you can't take it anymore.

He whines a little as you pull away once again. You laugh breathily, watching him balance on his propped arms over you. “Isn’t your shoulder hurting like that?”

He gives you a boyish, lopsided smile. “Honestly, my shoulder has been hurting the entire time, but I don't care.” In horror, you try to rip away from him but he easily drags you back and pins you to the bed without so much as a retort. His fingers intertwine with yours and hold them against the pillow. 

“For a cute mob boss, you’re pretty strong,” you remark. He only grins and buries his head in your neck, pressing kisses down the skin. More electricity buzzes through your body. His kisses are hot and wet and you arch when he meets a pulse point. Your voice comes out shaky. “Taeyong, if you keep going, I won't be able to-“

“Me neither,” he answers. His voice is a different color than usual, one that you haven't heard before. It’s gravelly and rough. Combined with his body insistently pressing yours into the mattress and his kisses to your neck, your body turns into a mess of tingles and butterflies. 

His teeth nips your pulse point and you gasp, pressing your hips against his slightly. He picks up on this imperceptible movement and rolls his hips against yours with a low groan. You can feel him through his pants, and you arch and moan at the friction. Your hands clutch the cloth of his tank top from his back until it's bunched in your fist. He pulls back a small to observe your reaction, his pupils dilated.

His hand comes up to touch your face reverently. “Y/n, do you want to…”

“Yes, keep going, please.” You should be ashamed at how easily you beg, but you could never feel that way for him, especially with the way his pupils dilate and his breath comes out ragged.

“How far.. do you want to go?”

“Everything, I want everything from you,” you press your head to his, feeling strangely emotional. “I just want you, please.” He seems still for a moment, gorgeous dark eyes boring into yours. The uneven breaths fill the silence, as if he were savoring this moment. Then he reaches down , fingers slipping inside your pants, and pressing your clit through panties. A moan falls from your lips, your hips arching towards his touch. His dark eyes drink in every reaction. Then, he moves to suck your neck again and you’re clutching his tank top harshly as he works your clit, moaning into his ear. You have half a mind to drag his tank top half way up his chest until he gets the idea and pulls away from you. He sits up, slipping it over his head, and tosses it to the side, revealing his bare skin with tattoos littered here and there. When he falls back to you, carefully supporting his injured shoulder, you drag him in for a kiss. “You are so beautiful.”

He moans slightly into your mouth, tongues meeting again before pulling away. “I can say the same for you.” He eyes your shirt. “Can I?”

“Yes,” you manage out.

His lithe hands peel your shirt up and over your head. His eyes roam over your torso with a bated breath as you sit up a little and undo your bra. It’s a few seconds of awed silence once you lie back down before his hot mouth planting on your nipple. You arch and moan loudly, your eyes clenching shut. “Oh god.”

He strips your pants and underwear from you in one movement. His hand returns to your clit though this time, his finger slides into your core, stretching your walls. A moan tumbles from your lips as he comes up to press kisses to your face. “My love,” he calls gently as you moan again, “my Y/n.” Sparks fly behind your eyes in your pleasure. Your head presses back against the pillow and you let out a particularly loud moan. Then, he rips his hand away as well as his mouth and you’re left teetering, then coming back down the way you came, unsatisfied. You let out a whine but he sits up, panting harshly, grabbing a condom from the drawer in his nightstand and settles back between your legs. He gives you another kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Your heart thrums each time you say it. Then he’s slipping inside you, stretching you until your eyes flutter closed. You’re full and you realize this is how you've always belonged, how you were always supposed to be. He thrusts slowly, lips hovering over yours or pressing all over your face, his eyes fluttering when you squeeze around him. You realize this is different from all the other partners you’ve ever been with. It feels like he fills you with life , every second he looks at you or smiles or walks into a room, he fills you with purpose.

You live for his moans, unabashed and light and airy and beautiful. It makes you lose yourself so much faster. His lithe hands clutch the bedsheets beside you, lips grazing your neck, hair tickling your face. You realize you want him all the time, near you all the time, you want this forever. You memorize everything, his touch, his scent, his features screwed up in the pleasure you give him. You’d give him anything. You memorize him until he hits a spot inside you that has your brain coming to a halt. He notices easily, lifts one of your legs to hook over his good arm, and hits it again, much more intense this time, until you're shivering and arching, your mind turning to mush. Sweet praises fall from his lips as he pushes into you. You’re perfect, you’re so beautiful, my love.

My love. 

You contract around him like a vice, burying your head in his neck, muffling the moan bordering on a scream as you come apart. He shivers as your nails dig into his back and halts his movements until your walls grant his cock mercy enough to move again. He finishes the last few thrusts until he's pressing deep inside you with a loud groan, and you vaguely think you wouldn’t mind hearing that sound forever. He collapses on top of you, panting and breathing harshly but you couldn't care less about his weight squeezing you. Your hands tiredly comb through his hair, littering kisses along his forehead while he catches his breath against your chest. Pleasure brims and hums through your body and mind as you relish the feeling of him in your arms. After a few beats, he lifts his head up just enough to kiss you. “I love you.” 

You smile, brushing back his sweaty fringes. “I love you, too.” You’re rewarded with a beautiful smile before he rests his head back on your chest. “Wait, wasn’t your shoulder hurting this entire time?” 

He makes no effort to move. “Yes, but I didn't care.” You groan and he only chuckles against your skin.  

...

You end up going a little late to work that day. Taeyong doesn’t seem to mind, though. He seems content enough to brush his teeth with you, shower, change into office clothes, grab breakfast and drive you to work in his car, even though you have your own parked in the garage. You’re guessing it's the inkling of domestic bliss that’s keeping a smile on his face and making him leisurely savor each mundane moment with you this morning. As for you, it’s something you never knew you needed. It’s easy to imagine a life like this and only this, with none of the complications. Taeyong looks over at you in the passenger seat with a smile, bright eyes, so many times during the drive to the office that you’re laughing. “What is it?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, turning back to the road again. “Nothing.” You let it go, but your heart flutters. Once you step through the lobby, the busy chatting stops and are replaced by jeers of welcome aimed at Taeyong after his week’s absence. Soon after, though, their curious eyes are trained on you. It’s obvious you came in the same car together and therefore probably from the same place since you usually drive yourself. If anyone had any suspicions before about you both, they definitely know for sure now. Once you and Taeyong enter the elevator, he pulls you close and kisses you once again. “I love you,” he smiles.

You laugh, adjusting his tie. “I love you too. Not tired of saying it?”

The way he looks at you, eyes half lidded, an amused smile across his lips as if you’re the most perfect thing in the world, makes you feel foolish for even asking. “No. And I never will be.”

Your heart flutters, biting back your smile. “Me neither.”

He grins this time and kisses your forehead. Then, he deflates a little. “I wont see you much today.” His fingers brush a lock of your hair. “But maybe by the end of the day, you can swing by my office?”

“Deal,” you agree, snaking your arms over his shoulders. “We'll go home together after?”

“Of course,” he smiles, leaning forward to kiss you one more time before the elevator doors ding open at the top floor. He grins again and pulls away. “I love you.”

You laugh. “I love you, too.” You go your separate ways. When you approach Jungwoo’s desk, he’s already smiling, face tilted and propped on his hand. 

“You’re in a good mood.” Jungwoo comments.

Your steps falter. “Ah.. I’ve uh…”

“No need to explain. Everyone saw you two come in together. The boss is practically bouncing with each step,” he smiles knowingly, turning back to his computer. “It’s good that he looks better though. Everyone was worried. Thanks for taking care of him.” He says, glancing up at you. “For all those days.”

Your cheeks burn. “How did you know-“ But Jungwoo gives you a look that makes you feel foolish for even asking. You plop down in the chair next to him, propping your bag against the desk. “Of course you know.”

“Actually, you might see more of him today. He has a client meeting at a high end club and I’m guessing he’ll take you as a date.”

“Really? Why does he need a date?”

He shrugs, crumpling up a piece of paper in his hands. “He doesn’t.” He throws it in the basket. “But he’ll ask you anyway.” He grins.

You watch him clean up his desk of unneeded and old documents. “You’re very perceptive of people aren't you?”

Jungwoo smiles. “It’s my job. I recruited you, remember? I find out things about people.” He says a matter of factly before changing the subject. “So, a newbie whose first mission is with the Boss himself. If no one was sure of your privilege, they’re sure now.”

You exhale, shrugging. “I'm pretty sure everyone is sure of it by now. I just hope I don't get attacked again.”

Jungwoo freezes then, concern flooding his eyes as he turns to face you. “I never asked, how are you feeling after that?”

You shrug. “I'm fine, I guess. I’ve dealt with worse.”

Jungwoo nods slowly. “Taeyong was angrier than I’d ever seen him. He made sure we removed that guy. But please know he was an outlier. People may not be the friendliest here but everyone’s generally happy to have you around.” He cups your hand in comfort, sincerity evident in his eyes. “I hope you always feel safe here.” He pauses to smile. “Even though we're an illegal organization.”

You wordlessly listen to Jungwoo, feeling strangely touched. Yuta never made you feel like this. “Thank you,” you say, and you mean it. 

He gives you a warm smile that makes you feel even softer. “Now come on, we have a lot of work to do today and many things to discuss.”

“Like what?”

“Like, did you sleep over at Taeyong’s last night?” He grins, leaning over in interest. You shove his arm, pulling peals of laughter from his lips. The rest of the day passes with jokes and work, with you secretly counting down the hours until you can visit Taeyong in his office. It seems as if an eternity passes until Taeyong himself is strolling onto the main floor and approaching Jungwoo’s desk. 

“Hey guys,” he greets. Jungwoo glances at him with a hint of surprise. You figure this is an unusual occurrence since Taeyong usually summons people to his office. “I was just wondering if I could borrow Y/n in my office for a second, if I’m not interrupting or anything.” Taeyong seems a bit hesitant.

Jungwoo shakes his head slowly. “You’re never interrupting anything. You're the Boss.”

Taeyong blinks. “R-Right…” he turns to you. “Is it okay with you?”

Jungwoo watches the exchange with growing interest. You try to ignore him and stand up from your seat. “Of course it is.”

“Great,” Taeyong says, before waving at Jungwoo, which you also assume to be unusual given Jungwoo’s perplexed expression “Bye, Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo waves slightly in confusion. “Bye…?” He watches until you two disappear from sight.

Taeyong curses once you’re out of earshot. The laughter you’re holding back spills from your lips. “What was that?”

He slows enough to allow you to fall in line with his walking. “I have no idea. I just.. felt weird beckoning you to my office chamber as if you’re my maid or something.” He shakes his head. “God, Jungwoo’s going to think something is wrong with me.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t,” you reply, biting back a smile. So, he feels weird about you calling him Boss and also about ordering you around. It’s strangely sweet in its own way, how a man with all the power at his hands refuses to see you as anything but his equal. 

He drags open one massive door to his office and ushers you inside. Once you’re in, he shuts the door, pulls you to his chest and kisses you. “Mmm what are these for?” You ask when his long kiss dissolves into small short sweet ones littered on your lips. 

“I just missed you all day. And missed kissing you all day.” You giggle as he turns to littering kisses over your face. Your hand wraps around his tie and tugs him to you abruptly so that he can kiss you properly on the lips. He makes a soft noise that travels like electricity through your body. The kiss turns deep once again, your hands coming up to comb through his soft hair. When you pull away, your breaths are shallow and his gaze is intense. “Believe it or not, I actually have work for us to do.”

You chuckle. “Jungwoo told me. We’re going to some high end club? 

He takes a moment to gather himself before pulling away from you. “Yes, just to visit a client we’re sorting out a contract with.” 

Your nerves twist in your stomach. You remember the last meeting with a client ended in a gunfight. Your eyes settle on his shoulder, where you can still see the bandage underneath his office shirt. “Are you sure?”

He glances at you and sees the concern in your eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ll be safe,” he smiles reassuringly. “To be honest, I still don’t know why I was targeted that day and by whom. I’ve ordered everyone to track them down, but we haven't found any clues.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “It’s probably a rival gang that somehow got our info.”

Your blood turns to ice. You haven’t even told him about what happened that day, about where you’re from and the truth about why you’re here. You can sell out Yuta right now. You can give Taeyong all the information and help him take down your former leader. But the words fail you and you realize that you can’t. You’ve spent a decade working under Yuta, longer than you’ve even known Taeyong. As much as you hate it, your loyalty to Yuta are your chains. You can’t rat him out. And worse, even if you do, what if Taeyong hates you? What if he sends you away and never wants to see you again? What if you have to return to Yuta? Return to a cold, meaningless life full of violence and crime, devoid of sunshine and sleepy smiles and slow mornings.

You swallow back any words and stay silent. You feel awful. You’re a liar. You never want to lie to Taeyong, ever. But you’re a coward and you don’t know what to do. Even if he doesn’t know now, he will find out the truth eventually and hate you then. Taeyong seems to notice your intense conflict and mistakes it for concern. He steps towards you, a soft smile finding his lips that nearly makes the terrible thoughts melt away. “I know you feel bad, but it's not your fault that I was injured,” he takes your hand gently in his. “Besides, I don't think any sniper will be able to find me at a strip club.”

Your whirling thoughts pause momentarily. “We’re going to a strip club?”

“It’s technically a gentleman’s club. It’s just a meeting with an old client. She runs the whole place and makes quite a lot of money from it. She wants us to protect her territory. A lot of members of the criminal underground frequent there and have been stepping out of line and making her workers uncomfortable. The security they have there doesn't intimidate these kinds of men enough. She wants mob protection, so these criminals will feel less inclined to do whatever they want.” 

You nod. “It’s an honorable cause. But if you’ve met her before, why am I coming?”

His eyes slide away from yours in embarrassment. “Because.. I’m uh… they like me over there,” he flushes a light pink, “I’ve gotten.. too much attention when I went alone in the past. I might as well show them that I'm taken.”

The image of women and probably men hanging over Taeyong as he talks business, flirting with him, their fingernails running down his chest, makes your insides twist in jealousy. Yes, you figure, you should be there. “Yes, you are taken.” You grip his tie and watch his eyes flare. You chuckle and mentally note his reaction. “So, this is our first date?”

He snorts. “At a strip club? No way. I'll plan a much better one than that.”

“I thought you said it’s a gentleman’s club.”

He laughs. “Come on, let’s head out. We’ll have to dress up a little.” You both stop by your apartment to pick up some fancy clothes and make up before driving over to his place to get ready. By time you change, style your hair, apply makeup and jewelry, the sun sets and the evening sky’s moonlight glows through the windows. When you walk into the living room and find Taeyong in a tuxedo, silver cuffs, and his hair neatly combed back, your heart nearly stops in your chest. He has a similar reaction when he spots you. “Wow.” He stares breathlessly for a moment before blinking back to reality. “Oh no, maybe I should go alone. This isn't a good idea.”

“What? Why?”

His eyes run over you once again. “Because you’re beautiful. Too beautiful. There's going to be too many sleazy criminals there. They’re already harassing the workers. They’re not going to leave you alone.”

“I’ll be fine. I can handle myself. Besides, do you think I’m the only one who looks good? I’m not letting you go there alone looking like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re too beautiful too,” you echo his words, watching him flush. Then, because you’re feeling playful and curious, you decide to push further. “And because you’re mine.” His eyes flare. You see him swallow imperceptibly. You don't know why it feels good to see him like this, but you want to do it some more. “They’ll keep away if they know what's good for them.”

His breath catches in his throat. He swallows again and seems to blink himself back to reality. “F…fine, then. Just tell anyone who asks that you’re with me and I'll say that I'm with you.”

“Tell them that I'm yours and you’re mine. Understood,” you grin.

“Ah… right,” he mumbles, unable to find a suitable reply. A pretty blush spreads across his cheeks as his eyes slide away from yours. It never fails to satisfy you. He pauses, then gently cups your face and brings you close to kiss you. He pulls away and gives you a warm smile. “Okay, let's go."

...

You know that gentleman’s clubs are just higher end strip clubs, but this one is so far beyond anything you've seen before. As you walk in, you’re hit with the sight of patrons dressed in black tie, waiters carrying flat dishes holding unknown colorful alcoholic drinks, curved leather booths scattered throughout the space, crystal chandeliers hanging overhead. “I can see how this owner can afford us,” you mutter. Your arm is looped through Taeyong’s as he guides you through the area and towards the back rooms. You pass by people chatting, drinking, smoking, and eventually spot the main stage. Some dancers are already there, dressed in sparkly two pieces. 

Some of the girls passing by to get to the stage notice Taeyong and smile brightly at him. Some  touch his shoulders and arms, bat their eyelashes, give cherry lipped smiles, even though you’re quite literally hanging off his arm. You suppose your presence here doesn’t spurn any of them in the slightest. Taeyong guides you into one back room that looks like a luxurious private meeting room of sorts. An older woman adorned in jewels and a shimmering gown is seated upon an expensive looking armchair with a lit cigarette between her painted nails. A few girls stand or are seated around her. They smile and greet Taeyong when he walks in but their friendly gazes turn to questioning glares when they fall on you. It seems as if the air itself stops when you walk through the door. 

“Who is she?” the older woman asks, voice raspy probably from years of cigarette smoke. 

“She’s my date,” Taeyong answers easily.

They all eye you suspiciously. “This is the first girl you’ve brought in as a date. How long has she worked for you?”

“How is that relevant?” Taeyong counters.

The woman ignores him and glares at you. “How long, girl?”

“…A few weeks.”

Murmurs start from the girls. The older lady laughs and takes a drag from her cigarette. “And you let her in this high up already, working by your side? Ever the softie you are,” she notes. Taeyong flushes slightly. “You’re not worried she’s a spy?”

Your heart jumps. Taeyong’s brows furrow. “Of course not. And I’ve known her much longer than a few weeks. We just.. were separated for a long time.”

Her eyes narrow a bit. “That’s even more dangerous.” Her lips blow a puff of smoke. “She’s not allowed in here. That’s final.” 

Taeyong growls. “Listen, Mabel, we have a contract to sign.”

“Yes, with very sensitive content. Which unauthorized people should not be allowed to listen in on.” Her eyes coldly drag down your frame. “No matter how pretty.”

Taeyong looks like he’s about to argue but you stop him with a hand to his shoulder. “It’s fine,” you say, not wanting to complicate things. “I’ll wait outside.”

He glances at you, brows knitted. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes. It’s no big deal.” You give him a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes and step out the door. You hear a muffled sentence from Mabel of she’s got you bad, huh? through the door before you’re walking into the buzzing scene before you.You decide to sit at the bar because you need to be alone. Mabel’s words have triggered you. You feel awful, guilty, and disgusted. You have to tell him the truth, even if he hates you forever. But what if he doesn't hate you? What if he understands, forgives, and then wants you to help him take down Yuta? You pause. How can you take down Yuta?  You spent a decade under him, working for him, being with him through good and bad times. You can't just turn against him completely. You feel stuck. You seem to always feel stuck these days and it’s making you miserable. 

“Why the long face?” You hear a rich voice behind you. It rips you from your internal monologue. It’s a tall man with dark hair, twinkling eyes and a colorful suit. He sticks out easily among the crowd. You notice he already has a drink in hand.

“Ah.. just a bad day.” You say a bit dismissively, looking back down at your drink, hoping he’ll get the message and disappear. He doesn’t.

He nods in understanding and slides into the stool beside yours. “I’m Johnny. You Yong’s girl? I saw you come in with him.”

“Uh.. Yes.”

He nods, taking a sip from his glass. “He’s never brought anyone with him here before.”

You eye him. “Do you work here?”

“Nope. I’m from my own..um… group.” He smiles. “I come here sometimes as a patron.” Right, you think, Taeyong did mention that members of other criminal groups hung out around here. It’s the reason why the owner needs protection in the first place. Johnny bumps you slightly with his elbow. “So, why are you so sad? Is he not treating you well?” He smiles easily. “You can come to our side, you know, and work as a spy. You have the look. A beautiful woman with eyes like yours, who wouldn’t believe every word that comes from your lips?” Johnny smiles into his glass. “Best part is Taeyong doesn’t have to know.”

He’s joking, but you know it's the way deals are made underground. The thought of taking him up on his makes bile rise in your throat. “No.. I don’t…” you blanch. 

He notices the look on your face. “Too loyal?” he nods in understanding. “It’s not for everyone.” he glances at you. “But you never know.” He raises a hand to touch your chin. Your reflexes get the better of you and you grip his wrist before he can touch you. 

“Y/n,” Taeyong’s voice cuts through the air, catching both you and Johnny in surprise. He’s fuming. Similar to the time when the man jumped you in the office, his expression is hard and unmerciful. “Is he bothering you?” His eyes slide to Johnny who releases a breathy chuckle and turns back to sipping his drink.

“I was actually just leaving.” You slide out from the seat and walk past Taeyong who gives Johnny a lingering hard glare before following you out the door.

Once you’re seated in his car, Taeyong grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. “What the hell was he doing? I knew I never liked him for a reason.”

“He’s from another organization?” You ask.

“It's a smaller one. It operates at the outskirts of the city. They’re one of the… less moral organizations that others need protection from. They’re a thorn in our side but nothing we can’t handle.” He glances over at you, concern replacing his irritation. “Are you okay? You look.. sick.”

You shake your head. “It’s nothing I… just…” you exhale tiredly. “It’s nothing.”

His worried eyes scan your face. “Is it because of what Mabel said? Don’t listen to her. I trust you with everything I have.” You gaze at him, speechless. His words make you feel infinitely worse after the night you’ve had.

When you return to his apartment, you change out of your dress like you can’t wait to get it off. Then, you mindlessly set to packing up the things you’ve left at Taeyong’s place while staying over the past few days. Taeyong watches you wordlessly, still in his suit, looking as if he’s about to say something, then changes his mind. The cycle repeats until he works up the courage. “Did you…want to stay over tonight too?”

You glance at him and try not to chuckle at his puppy face. “I would, but I have to go home and take out the trash and do the dishes and .. get new clothes,” you sigh, walking over to him. “But I’ll come visit later, okay?” Your fingers take to combing through his hair, coaxing a sigh from his lips.

“What if you moved in with me?” He says it so easily, lost in the feeling of your nails against his scalp. Your fingers pause and his words hang in the air. At your silence, his eyes fly open in panic. “Is that too soon? Of course it is. Fuck, forget I said anything.”

He so visibly retracts in on himself that you’re scrambling to reassure him. “No, no, I’m just… surprised is all.” 

He sighs almost helplessly, brows pinching in frustration. “I just see you here and .. when we spend time together, I..I want it… all the time… and nothing else,” he says heavily, grasping your hand and holding it up to his chest. His dark maroon eyes are large and heartfelt. “Sometimes I wish I just had a simple life. No mobs, no criminals, no territories or fighting. Just you and me in a house, living peacefully.”

Your eyes burn, pricking with tears. “Me too,” you whisper, unable to convey just how badly you’ve dreamt of the same dream for so long. “Me too.”

His expression is almost as if he’s witnessed a small miracle. He pulls you into the tightest hug, as if he can’t hold you close enough. You breathe him and relish the weight of his head tucked against yours, the smell of his lingering cologne and the comfort of his arms. “We can talk about it later,” he mumbles into your neck. “Can you stay over tonight, please?”

You forget about packing. “Of course.”

...

The next day when you come into work, you spot Jungwoo sporting a new type of pistol that spikes your curiosity. You ask him to show you the features and end up seated, facing him with the gun in your hands. Jungwoo’s fingers slide against your own as he guides yours to the grip and the trigger. "The safety lock is actually here," Jungwoo points out, turning over the unfamiliar silver pistol in your hands before guiding your finger to the small button. You test the weight of the gun with both of Jungwoo’s hands cupping yours. "It's comfortable, isn't it?" He offers with warm eyes. "Yeah, it is,” you say incredulously. “I haven’t seen-” "Jungwoo." A serious voice cuts through the atmosphere. Both of you stiffen and spot Taeyong, arms crossed with hard eyes, taking in the scene before him. "Don't you have something to turn in for me?” Jungwoo releases your hands as if they were burning hot coals. "Yes, sorry Boss. I was just taking a break and showing Y/n my new gun." "Well, get on it.” His usual soft voice is hard. Jungwoo’s face drops. Taeyong’s eyes slide to you. “Y/n, can I see you in my office?” He doesn’t wait for you as he begins walking back. You and Jungwoo exchange bewildered glances as you stand to follow him. Once you step into his office, you notice that Taeyong doesn’t greet you. He leans over his desk, his hands gripping the wooden edges. “Did you.. need me for something?” You ask, perplexed by his demeanor. 

He straightens up, running his hand through his hair. “No,” he sighs, turning to glance at you. “You… you ah… you and Jungwoo…” he trails off, averting his eyes. He huffs. “You and Jungwoo…spend a lot of time together.”

You try not to laugh. “Yes, you assigned us to work together. On everything. Don’t you remember?” 

He only grumbles, rubbing his forehead. “Right.”

“Are you alright?” You test carefully.

“I’m fine,” he says curtly, turning his back to you once again to walk towards his desk. You wait for him to elaborate but he doesn't. 

“Well… if you are, could you apologize to Jungwoo later? It was kind of rude.” He glances at you and then exhales, plopping into this arm chair. He tries to speak but struggles, then seems to give up and glare at his tie. “Hey,” you say gently, following his path around the desk until you’re standing by his chair. “Tell me what’s wrong.” You touch his chin, then run your fingers through his hair that has his shoulders slumping with stress seeping out.

"I'm sorry,” he sighs, the hardness in his voice gone. “It’s just, the past few days.. with you finally being mine after so many years… but then stupid Johnny at the club was with you and then Jungwoo was holding your hands and… I just got jealous. It's silly, I know. You love me. There's no doubt about that." He mumbles, sighing. “I can’t help it.”

“Oh,” your brain processes his words. “You were jealous?”

"What else was I supposed to be?" He now lifts his face to look up at you directly. "I think of you in every moment, in every breath I take, even in every dream I have at night. And then I see you with Jungwoo.. or someone else.. and I get jealous of them, for being in your presence. Because sometimes, they’re the ones that have your eyes… or hands on them. Not me.”

You chuckle. “Even though I have my eyes on you ninety nine percent the rest of the time?”

“Only ninety nine percent?” he laughs, his smile finally appearing. “I want the full one hundred.” He twists his chair a little to bury his head in your stomach. “I’ll give you anything you want, Y/n. Anything in this world.”

You sigh, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “I know.” He doesn’t respond and seems deflated so you try to reassure him. “I get jealous too.”

He lifts his head to look at you. "Really? I never noticed." 

“I don’t tell you.”

He suddenly sounds curious. "Jealous of whom?"

Your cheeks burn and you look away. “I don’t know. When the women were all over you at that same club the other day. When I hear you haven't been alone all these years, that you loved someone else. It.. makes me jealous.”

Taeyong’s eyes seem to kindle with light. He stands up slowly until he’s slightly towering over you. "So.. you're jealous of my attention too.” His eyes darken only slightly, but the air shifts. "Would you prefer that I give you one hundred percent as well so that I only ever pay attention to you?”

You feel flustered at your vulnerability but provide your answer without breaking eye contact. “Yes.” 

He falls silent then. The air is still around you, growing heated as you gaze at each other, wordlessly. "What would you do if they were here right now?” His voice is low, raspier than before.

You know he wouldn’t engage; has no interest in anyone else but you, but from every previous interaction with him, you know by now he’s very into you being possessive. So, you decide to indulge him and playfully growl. You lean over and kiss his pulse point. He swallows hard. “I’d wring them away from you.” 

Your words work on him. He shivers in your arms. "What else?” he asks, his voice slightly more gravelly in your ear.

You think. “I’d also push you against the nearest wall and kiss you until you’re panting, making sure they watch.”

He grows still. “Really?” You nod. It looks like it’s the right answer. He abruptly pulls away from you with a determined look on his face. "Good. I need you. Right now. Let's.. let's go to the closest wall we can find."

You laugh out loud, following along as he pulls you away from his desk. “Which wall?" He tugs you towards one end of the room, coaxing another laugh from you.

“There is no one to watch here. Should I just kiss you against a wall?”

"Yes. Yes, that's the idea," His voice turns rough once again. He pulls you to the wall nearest his desk and turns around to face you. "Show me, love." he orders, his eyes dark with his fringes falling into them. Your throat grows tight, all your previous laughter disappearing. He leans close to you again, hand wrapping around your wrist so that you can’t back away. "I want you to show me how jealous you can get. Right now." He growls lowly. You swallow thickly, and force your limbs to move. You raise your hands, his loosening from your wrist, and press against his chest. He doesn’t break eye contact as you push him against the wall. He gasps a little when he hits the surface, eyes darkening again. You press forward to kiss him harshly. He moans as he kisses you back just as aggressively. “Yes,” he breathes shakily between kisses. “You’re so good.”

Your mouths push and pull like tides as you keep up the show. “You like this? Being shown who you belong to?”

He’s gasping between kisses, all your words exciting him further. "Oh.. god yes, I do." he breathes out. "I love it.. I love knowing that I’m yours.” He lets out a small moan. "You'll make sure that no one will steal me away from you, right?"

You kiss down his neck, nipping the skin slightly, causing him to tremble in your arms. “Yes. No one can take you from me. You’re mine.” You say the words you think will affect him most and you’re right. A pretty blush settles on his cheeks and he moans softly at your kisses. 

"Yes... no one will take me away from you because you're mine, and I'm yours,” he breathes, eyes lidded.

“Yes,” you soften, littering kisses down his jaw. “You’re mine and I’m yours.” He shivers when you undo his buttons to litter more kisses along his collarbone. You subconsciously press closer to him and feel his hardness graze your thigh. “You’re this worked up? From just my words?” You ask fondly, nipping his chest. His eyes are closed, cheeks flushed, hair falling into them.

“F-From you. I’m worked up from you,” he mumbles.

It’s endearing. You comb this hair back from his face and kiss him. “Well, it would be unfair to let you go home like this.”

His eyes seem to focus on you in confusion before you press your palm against the bulge in his slacks. He shivers against you. “Y/n-“ You press until he bites his lip. Your nimble fingers unzip his pants and slide in past the hem of his boxers to grip him. He gasps, eyes flying open. “Oh god,” he moans. You keep a tight grip as you stroke him, watching his head fall back against the wall, jaw working open. You lean forward to kiss his neck.

“Good?”

“Good… so good,” he nods. You struggle to work him with the small space you have in his boxers but he moans so beautifully even with what little you do. “Y/n,” his eyes open, half lidded, shallow breaths. You pause to look at him. “I love you.”

You soften, push forward to kiss him gently, chastely, so at odds with your hand still stroking him. “I love you too, so much.” You squeeze him gently and he gasps, breaking away from your kiss and arches against the wall, moaning, and you know you have to hear more. With a final kiss to the hollow of his throat, you drop to your knees. He gazes down at you, eyes going wide, then jaw clenching, arousal seeping into his face. You grip his pants and boxers slide them down a bit along his hips until his length is free for your undivided attention. The sight of it completely hard has arousal surging through you but a brush of his hand to your cheek breaks your focus.

He’s gazing down at you softly, arousal drenched on his face but tended by loving concern. “Are you sure?”

You take his hand by your cheek and kiss it firmly, smiling up at him. “More sure than anything.” Then he hisses as you stroke him, hard in your grip. You budge closer until your lips are right by his length and gaze at him with dark eyes. “I want you to know what I do for you and nobody else.”

All softness drains from his face and his eyes grow ravenous. He gives you a nod and you take him into your mouth. His head hits the wall, body trembling a little as your mouth engulfs him. You drag back and come forward, tongue swirling against him, slowly setting a rhythm that has you humming. His breaths grow harsh and shaky quickly, his hands combing through your hair. You relish the feeling of him, the weight of him in your throat. You want to hear him moan but one glance tells you he seems to be holding back. His teeth dig into his bottom lip, eyes clenched shut in concentration, hand gripping your hair gently. You decide to pick up your pace and he curses, biting his lip hard. Your shallow sucks grow deeper and his length goes in further along your throat. He trembles and a low groan finally loosens from his lips. You yourself nearly moan at the sound and take him even deeper, until he hits the back of your throat. His eyes fly open and he attempts to pull back his hips, tugging you by your hair back a little to get you to slow down. “Y/n… I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

You ignore him, grab his hips and shove him back into your mouth. He harshly gasps out your name and it’s everything you wanted to hear. You gaze up at him, tearing yourself from his length with great self control. “I’m in control right now, aren't I?”

He shivers at your authoritative tone and surrenders. “Yes, ma’am.”

Your stomach burns at the title and you quickly set back to work, taking him deep in your mouth. This time, he moans freely, his hand back in your hair. His soft caresses of your hair become tight, his finger curling around the strands absently as his face screws up in pleasure. Soon, he’s subconsciously guiding your head in your movements as his hips push forward to meet your mouth. It makes his length go even deeper in your throat until you have to focus more not to gag. His free moans are music to your ears, his head is tilted back against the wall, eyes clenched closed. With one particular stroke, you feel him pulse in your mouth. Then, his eyes are flying open and he tugs you off of him roughly by your hair. The sensation sparks pain and pleasure through you, coaxing a noise from your lips, which he seems to notice. He pants harshly, eyes lidded, as you gaze up at him in confusion. “I’m… too close,”. He struggles to find his composure. “I .. don't want to lose myself in your mouth.”

“Where then?” You tease as he helps you stand up. His eyes darken. 

“You’ll see.” Your breath catches as he steps forward, backing you towards his desk. “I think it’s my turn to show you how possessive I get.” His lips crash into yours and it's rough, rougher than he’s ever kissed you. You gasp as his hands grip your cheeks and hair hard, pressing you insistently against him. You feel heat pool quickly in your lower abdomen. He walks you backwards, kissing you hard until your back hits the edge of his desk and he’s towering over you. His dilated umber eyes hold you captive, his hair messy, cheeks flushed, lips parted with shallow breaths. 

“Sit.” He directs you. You obey, lifting yourself on your tiptoes and then seating yourself on the wooden edge. Then, he kneels, and it’s so graceful and how he does so, but your throat goes painfully dry. He takes one of your legs in his hand and kisses your ankle, still strapped in by your formal shoe. He lifts it so it slides over his shoulder and does the same with the other. 

He gazes up at you, brows low, gaze dark and you swear you’ve never been so turned on. He grips the hem of your skirt and slides it up to reveal your thighs. He comes closer to kiss the revealed skin, never breaking eye contact with you, his gaze searing into yours. Your gut is a mess of fire and butterflies, twisting and flipping and grappling for sanity while your mind wonders where did that young shy boy that you knew all this time go? 

“Y/n,” he groans, sliding your skirt up all the way until the front is bunched around your hips. It's when his hands grip the hem of your panties does electricity strike your senses. He gazes at you as if asking for permission and you lift yourself up slightly in response.

He smirks and slides your panties down your legs, past your socks and over your heels before tossing them somewhere neither of you bother to remember. He settles back close between your legs and the image of him gazing up at you on his knees sears itself in your brain. Then, he leans forward and licks a stripe along your core that has you gasping and clutching his shoulder. He smiles and presses his hand against your stomach, hinting at you lie back against his desk. You shiver and obey and it's not even until your head hits the wood does he lick another long, broad stripe that has you arching.

“Shit,” you gasp, clutching the edge of his desk. You feel him grin between your legs before his fingers slide inside you. Your eyes clench shut, mouth falling open as the burning stretch gives away to pleasure. He pumps his fingers leisurely into you, making your toes curl in your shoes. He licks your clit at the same time, causing a long moan and a jerk for your hips. You vaguely wonder when was the last time you’ve been pleasured like this. 

He pushes his fingers deeper and curls them deep inside that has you letting out a long moan of his name. He groans at that and retracts his fingers, leaving you empty. “Look at me,” he says raspily into your skin. “I want you to look at me.” You lift your head up a small ways to see him between your legs, his dark eyes glaring at you, his nimble hands hooking around both of your thighs. Then, he slides his tongue inside his tongue inside, hot and thick. You let out a high pitched moan, hand coming down to tangle in his hair as you arch up. “Oh god,” you clench around his tongue as he goes deeper. He groans in satisfaction and you can feel it reverberate through your body. Sparks of pleasure fly in your vision. His tongue twists and moves and flicks inside you, turning your limbs and mind to jelly. Your head hits the back of his desk as you arch again and suddenly you feel his nails digging painfully into your thighs. You lift your head up to glance back down at him and he gives you a pointed gaze. Right, keep your eyes on him.

He continues his ministrations, leaving you arching and moaning and whimpering all while struggling to keep eye contact. He doesn’t let up once, not even when you accidentally tug his hair too hard, which earns a hiss and then a moan. He continues, tongue sinful sliding deep inside you before moving to wrap his lips around your clit and suck hard. That has you gasping, moaning, hand tightening in his hair as your face screws up in pleasure. He watches every single facial expression carefully while working you all the while. He slides fingers inside while suckling your clit and when he curls them once again deep inside you, you fall apart.

‘Oh god, oh god,” you moan out as you hurdle towards your end. He groans when he feels you coming, and redoubles his efforts so that you have to cover your mouth when you scream. You fall back against the mercilessly hard wood as the  purest bliss washes over you. You arch and moaning and shake around his tongue until he groans into your core, tongue lapping up everything you have to give him. He leaves you then, granting you enough mercy to come back to reality and your body with all the energy sapped out of you. 

He’s suddenly near you, bending over and pressing his body against your weary one to kiss your forehead. Hand comes to comb through your hair gently as you regain your composure.

You open his eyes to see him smiling softly down at you. “Good?” You nod breathlessly. He smiles proudly. “Good. Because I’m not done with you yet.” 

Your words catch in your throat as he guides you to sit up against the desk once again. He stands before you, towering, his hair even messier now thanks to you, and a slight shine to his lips where he didnt wipe you off completely. He cups your cheeks reverently and bends down to kiss you. It’s loving and passionate and you find yourself melting against him one again. His hand runs through your hair before he tangles it in a few strands in the back of your head and tugs firmly. You gasp harshly, breaking away from the kiss as your head is forced back a little. He examines you briefly before he tugs again experimentally. You moan this time, eyes fluttering and pleasure buzzing through your body. He drinks in your reaction like it's an elixir of gold. “Just as I thought,” he mumbles before gently combing through your hair again. “I can’t believe I do this to you. The effect I have on you,” he says reverently, watching your hair slip from his fingers. 

You catch your breath. “You have every effect on me.”

He gazes at you intently before leaning over and gives you another kiss. Then, he helps you off his desk until you're standing on your slightly unreliable, still shaky legs. He steadies you with his grip on your hips. He presses his lips to your temple and eyes his desk behind you. “You know… I dreamed of having you here.” His eyes are dark again, pupils blown wide, voice raspy. “Some days, it distracts me so much that I can’t do any work sitting here,” his eyes flit across the wood. “I’ve wanted it for so long.”

“For how long?” You ask. 

“Since the day you walked into this building,” he laughs, nudging your nose with his. “You were so beautiful,” he sighs, settling his forehead on yours. “And the first time we drank wine here and I almost kissed you? After that, god, those thoughts would not leave me.”

“What…” you swallow, “what thoughts?”

His eyes darken. “Of you bent over my desk, moaning and whimpering as I fuck you.” Excitement buzzes throughout your body, arousal seeping through you once again, so embarrassingly quickly after your release. Taeyong cups your jaw, his thumb resting on your lip. his stare is dark, unwavering. “What do you say, my love?”  

You swallow hard. “We should make those thoughts reality.”

His eyes darken impossibly more. “You sure?”

“Please.” His eyes darken again, growling as he kisses you hard. Then, he turns you around, pressing your stomach into the edge of the desk and drags his hands down your body. He presses and kneads your clothes breasts, his hard length pressing into your ass as he kisses down your neck. You moan and arch against him. “Bend over,” he instructs. A wave of arousal hits you hard as you do his bidding. Once you’re bent over with your forearms resting against the wood, Taeyong flips over your skirt. You hear him groan, probably at how unbelievably sopping wet you are by now, especially from having come once already. Then his hard length is sliding into you and all thoughts grind to a halt. Both your moans synchronize as he slowly thrusts into you, mumbling praises while you fight to stay sane. You are still so sensitive and the lazy drag of his length against your walls compounds your pleasure. He eventually picks up speed, sending pleasure coursing through you with each stroke. One hand tangles in your hair, and you feel him press down against your back until his lips are by  your ear. “God, I love your hair.” He gives a firm tug so your head is pulled back against his neck, coaxing a shaky moan from your lips. He groans and sinks his teeth into your neck. You gasp at the sharp pain mixed by the pleasure brought from his hips. 

“Oh,” you gasp out as his hips speed up, his hand still in your hair, his teeth by your neck. It all sends your mind spiraling. He moans into your ear, whispering praises on how good you feel, how long he's waited for you, how much he loves you. Then, his other hand comes up to grip your throat and suddenly, you’re whimpering.

“Is this okay?” He whispers lowly in your ear, his hips not faltering in their brisk pace. 

“Yes yes yes,” you manage out, relishing the pressure on your throat. You want to feel him everywhere, in any form, as much as you can while he takes you for himself. 

He chuckles. “Good girl.”  You moan and clench so hard his thrusts stutter and he gasps into your ear. “God, Y/n….You like that dont you?” You moan in response and he chuckles, resuming his thrusts. He kisses down your ear and your neck. “My good girl, my sweet girl.”

You gasp, feeling yourself clench even tighter at his praise, pulling more moans from his lips. You push your hips back to meet his thrusts and he groans.

“Say my name, Y/n,” he orders, hand slightly tightening around your throat. 

You mentally scramble to remember words. “Ah, Taeyong.”

He groans lowly, possessively, his thrusts turning rougher, making you cry out. “Say.. say you love me,” his voice is a bit softer this time but still demanding. 

“Hah.. I love you,” you manage out, fingers scratching the wood for leverage. 

He releases a harsh breath against your ear. “Again.” 

“I love you,” you gasp, eyes clenching shut at his harsh pace. 

He moans, gently kissing the side of your face that he can reach from behind you, so at odds with the rough thrusts that are making you shiver. “Again, love.”

“I love you,” you cry out. He growls as his thrusts grow faster and the grip on your throat grows tighter, pulling whimpers and incoherent mumbles from your lips. His other hand untangles from your hair and reaches down to rub your clit.

“Ah!” your yelp echoes through the office. The hand clutching your throat slides up to clamp around your mouth. 

“Careful, I may have a big office but they can still hear you from outside,” he warns, voice strained in pleasure as his lips brush your cheek. “And I wouldn’t mind all of them hearing you. But I think you’d be very embarrassed walking past them into the office after this.” 

You breathe harshly against his hand, and pressing it against your mouth to signal him to keep it there because you know you’ll definitely not be quiet. He growls, his thrusts growing harsher now that your moans won't reveal you. His fingers resume drawing circles on your clit that has your whimpers coming out muffled against his hand. Your legs are shaking again, mind numb, moaning incoherently into his hand clamped around your mouth. He lets you sink flat onto the desk when you can’t hold yourself up anymore, the coolness of the wood offering some relief to your flushed face. He fucks you until his breaths grow harsher his moans louder before he drapes himself over you. 

“You’re mine,” he growls into your ear. He hits a spot deep, deep inside you that has you careening. Combined with his words and his finger on your clit, you lose yourself into pleasure for the second time. The world washes in white as you come, gasping harshly into his hand and dragging nails down his desk, walls squeezing him mercilessly. “Y/n,” he moans, desperate, thrusting into you until he strains and stills suddenly. With another moan of your name, his warmth spills inside you. He lets out a long groan as he shakes before collapsing on top of you.

Both of you fight to catch your breath. After a few minutes, it seems to take all of Taeyong’s energy to drag himself off of you and collapse into the armchair nearby. You’re still gasping over his desk, not trusting your legs to support you if you stand. “Oh my god.”

He chuckles, hand combing through his hair. “Did I get carried away?” 

Pleasure is still thrumming across your body, through every inch of every nerve. “Please.. get carried away more often.” He laughs out loud. You push yourself off the desk and shakily stand up. 

“Come on, let's get cleaned up,” Taeyong says, tangling his fingers with yours. “I have more things for you in mind at home.” 

Your stomach flips. “Still haven’t gotten it out of your system?”

“Nope.” 

At home, he gives you so many hickeys that you have to wear a high neck shirt and a scarf when you go to work the next day. When you meet Jungwoo, he only quirks a brow.

“What?” You ask. 

“Nothing,” he smiles knowingly. “I’m guessing it's going well with the boss?” You flush under your scarf. “He apologized to me, you know. You wouldn’t happen to have something to do with that, do you?”

“Uh,” your voice comes out high pitched. “Nope no, uh.. he just feels bad.”

He smiles, eyes narrowing. “Does it have anything to do with the scarf you’re wearing in June?“

“Don’t you have work to do?” You snap. He only chuckles and turns back to his computer.

...

Several pass with this routine of work and then staying over at Taeyong’s place some days of the week. The days you do, you wake up from restful slumber with his arms around your waist, his sleepy mumbled protests when you try to leave his arms, even for the bathroom. On the weekends, you spend time making breakfast and sharing kisses and watching funny movies and cleaning his apartment. It’s domestic bliss and you wish it lasted forever.The days when you don’t stay over, you stare at the emptiness of your apartment and wonder if you should just move in with him. You would have said yes already had you not felt so guilty for lying to his face everyday. You can’t even imagine taking that step when he still doesn't know the full truth and how you’ve betrayed him. Judging from his sad expressions any time you pack up and head back to your apartment, you can tell that he wants to ask you to stay for good, to move in, but he hasn’t mentioned the idea after the first time he brought it up.

Apart from this, life is routine for a while. Soon after, however, strange things begin to happen. A few of the lower ranked members get ambushed while running some operations in the city. The following week, a shipment was stolen. A few days later, some high profile clients suddenly decide not to work with the group anymore. And, the worst of all, somebody shoots at Jungwoo on his way to work. Yesterday, Taeyong told you that someone was following his car while heading home. He managed to lose them before they discovered where he lives.

“It’s bewildering,” he said in his office, brows pinched in concern. “No one has ever attacked us like this before. We are the most powerful criminal organization in the city with the highest security. Who could suddenly have access to all our details and carry out attacks like this?”

Today, your stomach churns with dread as you drive home. You remember how shaken everyone was, including Taeyong, and you hope to god it isn’t what you’re thinking. As soon as you step into your apartment, you spot a letter on the floor by the entryway.  Someone must have slid it under the door.  Come back or we kill him. You have one week. -Y.

The note shakes slightly in your hands. You read the words over and over until they’re seared into your memory. Then you push down the overwhelming sensation of dread swelling up inside you. Your suspicions are confirmed - Yuta’s behind everything. And now he’s exploiting your weakness for Taeyong so that you’ll be forced to come back to him. You don't know how he got access to so much classified information to do as much damage as he did. He seems to be everywhere, attacking everyone at once, out of fury. You wonder if it’s because of you. Either way, it’s only a matter of time before they kill Taeyong. 

Still shaking, you crumple up the note and slam it into the trash can. You feel the sting of tears in your eyes and shut the door to your room, collapsing onto your bed. You won’t be able to sleep tonight. You make up your mind about at least one thing, though. Taeyong won’t get hurt again because of you. 

...

The next day, you don’t bother checking in with Jungwoo and drag your feet to Taeyong’s office. He stands at his desk, organizing files and smiles at you brightly when you enter the room. Then, he registers the expression on your face. “What’s wrong?” His brows furrow.

You steel yourself with a shaky breath. “I’m leaving.”

His face falls, hands dropping the files onto the desk. “What?”

And suddenly, you can’t hold back your tears. “I’m leaving. I have to leave.”

He registers your tears, realizes you’re crying for the first time in front of him, and swiftly walks over to you. His arms pull you into a hug, pressing your face into his shoulder. “Why? Why are you crying?” Concern heavily laces his voice. 

“All these attacks that are happening.. you being followed… it’s all because of me,” you manage out against his chest.

His arms tighten around you, his breath stuttering. “Y/n, what are you talking about?”

You sniff and pull back, taking in his concerned face. It’s likely the last time you’ll see it when he still has love for you, before you tell him the truth. “I was sent by another organization as a spy.” It’s like slow motion, the way his face drains of all emotion and grows hard and shaken. His arms retract away from you as if you’re poison. He steps back suddenly, far out of your proximity and your heart shatters. “I know. I’m a traitor,” you say shakily, staring at the ground so you don’t have to look at that heartbreaking face. “You have every right to be angry.” Tears fill your eyes, emotion choking your words. “But I had no chance with you. I knew even before he sent me here that I’d fall in love with you and I told him as much.” 

Taeyong makes no further movements to step close to you. His voice is cold when he speaks. “Who sent you?”

You exhale. “Yuta.” His expression hardens. He knows him. You’re not surprised. Yuta’s mob is second only to Taeyong’s in the city. “He sent me here to gain intel because he knew we were close. He…he knew you would trust me and keep me close despite being a new recruit,” you say wearily. “I told him I didn’t want to but he forced me. It…it was so hard being here, seeing you, lying to you and everyone, you have no idea.” Tears fill your eyes as you chance a glance at him. Taeyong’s face is carefully neutral but his eyes betray him. They are filled with unspeakable hurt. Your heart lurches.

“I gave him some intel about that shipment drop off at the hotel. Then, you got shot. That was because of me.” Taeyong inhales sharply, you can see in his eyes that you’ve shattered his heart further. You feel nauseous. “I didn’t know it would get you hurt. When I saw you injured and bleeding, I called it off. I told Yuta I was never coming back.” Your words stutter and tears slip from your eyes. “So, he took revenge. He’s behind all these recent attacks, all because of me. He sent a note to my apartment yesterday saying either I come back or he’ll kill you.”

Taeyong seems alarmed and then turns thinking, mind working overtime. You continue.

“So many people have already gotten hurt, even Jungwoo, because of me. It’s only a matter of time before you get injured o-or worse and I can't.. I can’t be responsible,” you gasp, wiping your eyes. “So, I have to go back. I have to never see you again.”

Taeyong’s face is unchanging, his voice still cold. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth before? Especially after you called it off with Yuta?”

You exhale. “I should have. I should have told you from the beginning. But I’ve been loyal to Yuta for a decade. After my father escaped, we joined his mob. It’s only because of his protection that the police didn’t catch my father and throw him in jail.” Understanding seeps into Taeyong’s eyes. “I couldn’t betray him. But I couldn’t betray you. I just… I was just stuck,” you bite out, clenching your fists. “And I was afraid if I told you the truth, you’d want me to leave. I was happy here for the first time, with you. I just wanted to disappear into this life, where I didn't have to think about anything else, not even the idea that you’d find out the truth and hate me,” Pain seizes your chest. “I was a coward.”

“But you want to leave now,” he notes, expression still neutral.

You blink at him. “Because you’re in danger. It doesn't matter how I feel anymore.”

He watches you for a second before the slightest hint of emotion shows on his face. “Do you love him?” He swallows, eyes pained. “Yuta?”

“No!” The word falls so quickly from your lips but his pained expression doesn’t shift. “I’m only loyal because he’s like family. Like… like you. I couldn't easily turn against him just like how I couldn’t be against you. But I never loved him,” you say evenly. “And I love you more than anything.”

Taeyong’s expression falters, softens. “If… if I allow you to stay, will you help us bring him down?” He asks carefully.

Words fail you for a moment. You thought Taeyong would yell in anger, throw you out like he did with that man. Instead, he gives you the smallest chance of penance. As of yesterday, you found happiness with Taeyong while Yuta threatens you and uses the love of your life to hurt you. It’s clear he will never see you as anything more than his weapon. And for the first time, everything feels clear. “Yes, I will.” 

Taeyong seems relieved. “Then… then stay. Help us bring him down.”

You blink at him, wide-eyed. “You trust me?”

Taeyong looks away. “I don’t know yet. But I can’t just let you go back to him. Who knows what he’ll do to you as punishment.” His hands curl into fists. “And I may not trust you completely, but I still love you. And I’m not losing you again, not after I found you after all these years.” You inhale. You never imagined that this conversation would end in any way other than with you leaving and never seeing Taeyong again. Something painfully tight in your heart loosens and suddenly, tears spill from your eyes. Taeyong reaches for you, then falters for a moment before deciding. He steps forward and pulls you into his arms. His fingers tangle in your hair and press you close to his chest. You melt against him, relishing the sound of his heartbeat as you cry freely. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“I love you,” you cry.

“I know,” he says gently, stroking your hair. He kisses your forehead. “I’m not losing you again.”

...

Over the next few days, you tell Taeyong everything you possibly know about Yuta and your old mob, including sensitive information. You hold nothing back. You know this is the time for endings. Taeyong uses every scrap of your information and turns them into orders for other members, into strategies and plans that will give an advantage, and generally puts things to work to ruthlessly take Yuta down. You are grateful that he does not tell the entire office of your treachery. It only appears as if Taeyong has received a sudden influx of highly sensitive information related to a hostile rival mob in a stroke of good luck. But as members of a criminal organization, not everyone is so naive, and they pick up on your sudden increase in visits to his office. Their warm looks suddenly turn to suspicious glares and wide kept distances. 

Jungwoo’s reaction hits you particularly hard. You’re not sure if Taeyong told him the truth about you since he’s his right hand, or if, more likely, Jungwoo found it out by himself. Either way, when you try to speak with him the first day after your revelation, he gives you the cold shoulder. You dont blame him, of course. He gave you information in confidence, which you relayed to the enemy and indirectly put him in danger. Still, your stomach sinks at his aloofness and spreads ice through your heart. You make sure to visit Taeyong’s office only from now on and relay only the necessary information, missing your friend’s twinkling eyes and warm smile the whole time.

Over the course of this work, even Taeyong keeps a distance. He doesn’t show you affection as much as he did before. When he does, it’s with a slightly guarded look in his eyes as if you’ll attack at any moment, with his kisses and touches all too fleeting. Sometimes, you feel lucky if he gives you a smile. You try to blame it on the busyness of work in taking down a rival mob, but it makes your heart crumble all the same. You know he needs time to build back trust, so you give him space. You don’t stay at his place these days and leave work before he can ask. It’s better than him telling you no or, worse, feeling pressured to offer. Whatever he feels, you want to be there for him, always, and hope that he’ll eventually make his way back to you. 

With everyone in the entire office regarding you suspiciously, work becomes a cold place. You’re also well aware that the ultimatum’s deadline is approaching, of which Yuta ordered you to come back within a week’s time or he’ll kill Taeyong. You’re sure that it will be more difficult for Yuta to target Taeyong now that the latter has all the dirt on him, has bolstered his defenses and is launching raids and attacks against Yuta, but it still makes you uneasy.

Taeyong seems to remember this too and asks you about it during one of your meetings with him. “Where did you say you found that note from Yuta?”

“My apartment.”

He blinks. “So he knows where you live?” You nod uneasily. He stiffens slightly. “Y/n, you can’t stay there.”

“I know.” You sigh. “I was thinking of secretly moving to a hotel. I’ve been packing and getting ready.”

“No!” He says bewilderedly but cuts himself off with a sigh. “With me. Stay with me.”

You stare at him. “Are you sure?” 

He gives you a level gaze. “Of course.”

You hesitate for a few moments before nodding. “Okay. I’ll bring over my things.” His face melts in relief, churning small butterflies in your stomach. Taeyong seems to want to say something else but decides against it and turns back to work. It’s enough though, for you. 

“I can take the guest room,” you offer, once you’ve unloaded your boxes and suitcases into his apartment.

“Don’t be silly.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Just use my bed, like you’ve done a million times.” You hesitate, uneasiness stirring in your gut. His dark eyes fix on you. “I don’t hate you, Y/n. You don't have to worry about making me uncomfortable.”

You still don't budge. He makes a show of plopping down on his bed and scooching to the far most end, patting the space beside him. You acquiesce with a sigh and climb in, settling into the sheets and lie down, facing away from him. You relish the familiar feeling of his mattress and his scent on the sheets, remembering the last time you were here before everything changed. “Goodnight Y/n,” Taeyong mumbles behind you.

“Goodnight,” you say into the darkness. Of course, the next day, you wake up tangled in each other's arms. You nearly hate yourself for it. He’s still sleeping and you find yourself quietly admiring his features, as you always do, when you wake up beside him. He looks so angelic and peaceful. You chance a small kiss to his forehead that you don't deserve before tearing yourself away. He catches you, though, arm wrapping around your back to press you to him as his eyelids flutter open. It's silent for a moment before he kisses you. You melt embarrassingly fast in his arms before he pulls away with a sigh. It’s silent for a few moments before you speak.

“I didn’t have a choice,” you say thickly, your heart aching. 

“I know.”

“I should've told you. I wanted to tell you.”

“I know,” he smiles, his eyes sad. “Your soft spot is your family and the people around you. And you were stuck between two. I know because it's mine too.” You sigh, blinking back the sting of tears in your eyes. He brings your hand up to kiss your palm. “I forgive you. Now, just forgive yourself.”

A few stray tears make their way down your cheeks. He wipes them gently. “Sorry. You probably prefer a girl who’s much less messy than me,” you laugh weakly.

He shushes you. “In all your rawness, ugliness and truth, that's how I want you.” His words seep into you. He gives you a final kiss to your forehead before removing himself from the bed to get ready for work. You manage to do the same.

...

This new way of life continues for several weeks more. Yuta continues his attacks on the mob but not on the same level as before since Taeyong has been counterattacking and sabotaging his operation, thanks to your help. You continue to supply as much information as you can remember, like how many members Yuta has, where they’re active, who are their allies, what documents he kept in his ever-secretive files. It helps greatly and Yuta’s attacks seem to decrease by the next month.

Everyone’s coldness towards you seems to thaw until you are accepted back as their member, all except for Jungwoo. He still doesn’t speak to you as much as before and when he does, it's curt and quipped, with cold, short words, not spending more time in your presence than necessary. It torments you. You make up your mind to have a direct conversation with Jungwoo so that he knows how sorry you are. But you also haven’t been feeling well suddenly the last few days and have not come into the office all together. Yesterday, your stomach churned as soon as you woke up and Taeyong caught you throwing up in the bathroom. He was worried and fussy and you assured him it must have been some bad fish you ate the day before. He didn’t want to leave you alone, and outright refused at first to go to work, but you assured him you’ll take some medicine and will be fine in a few hours. He left only after ten minutes of convincing and a promise that you’d call him if you were not feeling well.

As soon as he left, you finally let the dread swallow you whole. Could you be pregnant? You recounted that night in Taeyong’s office months ago when you definitely didn't use a condom. You facepalmed. If only you two hadn’t been so far gone with each other that day, you would’ve remembered. You tried to relax. Maybe it was something else. You did, in fact, eat fish the day before. One pregnancy test would have solved this question but you decided to do it later. Today, you’re determined to come into work and talk to Jungwoo. Damn your queasy stomach. He’s your only focus. Thankfully, you manage not to throw up this morning and unnecessarily worry Taeyong. Instead, you get ready and drive to work with him. As soon as you get into the office, you make your way to Jungwoo who is busy with some emails on his computer. 

“Jungwoo?” He doesn’t turn to face you, his full attention fixed on his screen. “Can we talk?” He sucks his teeth and doesn’t bother to turn around. “Look, I know I’ve-” An unpleasant nausea rises in your stomach, and suddenly you’re bolting towards the female restroom without another word. When you finally emerge back onto the main floor after emptying your guts, you spot Jungwoo staring at you from his desk, eyes narrowed suspiciously. You approach him, giving him a pathetic attempt at a smile.  “Just some bad tuna.”

“For three days in a row?” He asks. You merely stare at him in question as to how he could possibly know that. “I know you haven’t come into work the past few days,” he answers. You stare at the ground, tapping your shoe against the carpet, feeling foolish. He releases a sigh. “Does Taeyong know?” You shake your head and grumble, rubbing your forehead.

“Why not?” 

You exhale. “I… I'm still processing it myself. I'll tell him soon. I just need my head to clear.” you say wearily.

“Does anyone else know?” He asks. You shake your head. Jungwoo watches you with an unreadable expression. Then, he adjusts the chair beside him, the one that used to be yours. “Sit,” he instructs. You gaze at him with a glimmer of hope and obey. Once you do, he turns to face you, brows pinched in concern. “How are you feeling?”

“Nauseous,” you grimace, pressing your hands to your abdomen. He bites back a laugh. 

“I can guess. I meant your mind.”

You slink in your chair. “I'm scared. A mob at war is no place for a child.”

He nods. “And how do you feel about telling Taeyong?”

“Not much better. I’m sure he’ll be happy. I’m not worried about that. But for many months, I'll be… pregnant… and vulnerable.. With this war, if I fall into danger or if anybody takes me, I think he’ll destroy everything, even himself, trying to get me back.” You gaze at the carpet, deep in thought. “And I’m also afraid he’ll lock me up and never let me do anything out of fear for my safety.”

“Well, for the first one, you don't have to be pregnant for him to destroy everything to get you back,” Jungwoo says, smiling “And the second one, yeah, he would probably do that.”

You chuckle, glancing at him. “I know I have to tell him. I’m just… figuring out how to, I guess.”

“You’ll figure it out,” he reassures you. 

A few moments of silence settles between you. “I missed you,” you finally admit, watching the unguarded flinching emotion in his face before he attempts to shutter it away. You cover his hand with yours. “I’m sorry, I truly am.”

Jungwoo gazes at you then, sincerely, and whatever resistance he’s trying to put up against you fails. “I know. I'm sorry too. I'm here for you, you know?” You nearly tear up in relief. You tug him into a hug, which he reciprocates easily. Warmth spreads through your chest and to your heart that has been aching for months. Then, Jungwoo tugs himself away from you. “Careful, I don't want Boss yelling at me again.”

You laugh. “I won't let him do that. It's the reason why I got pregnant anyway,” you mumble.

He looks at you sharply “What?”

“Nothing!” You stand up suddenly. “I uh.. am late, bye.” You hear him laughing as you scurry off.

...

You join Taeyong in his office to help out on some work. Your stomach seems to settle down the rest of the day, thankfully. Your brain swims while you watch Taeyong work busily, trying to figure out how to break the news to him. Would he be happy? Of course he would. You know he wants this more than anything. You just have to work up the nerve. Maybe you can later, when you return home. The day ends and he drives you back to his place, as he’s been doing for weeks since you’ve moved in with him. “You know, it’s nice having you live with me. It feels almost as if we’re married.”

You snort. “We don’t argue enough to be married.”

He chuckles. “We’re happily married, how’s that?” He offers.

“Oh, so that’s why people specify the phrase ‘happily’ before the word ‘married’.”

“Yes,” he laughs. Once you get into his apartment and settle in, he gives you a look. “I would marry you, you know.”

Your cheeks heat up. He looks sincere. “Really?”

His eyes twinkle. “Yes.”

You gaze at him, speechless with emotion before you remember your news. “I need to tell you something.” His brows quirk as he undoes his wrist watch. Just then, the elevator dings behind you, signaling someone has gotten on from the bottom floor. Both of you freeze and turn to face the metal doors.

“That’s strange. No one has access to the elevator except Jungwoo. Did he tell you he was coming over?” Taeyong asks. You check your phone. No text messages or calls. Chills run down your spine as you stare at him and shake your head slowly. Taeyong’s eyes widen. Then, the doors ding open and you realize it’s most definitely not Jungwoo. “Y/n, get back!” Taeyong shouts.

Four or five men with guns step out of the doors and into the penthouse. It’s a surreal sight but they are all familiar. Yuta’s men. You scramble backwards away from them but one lunges to catch your sleeve and drag you off the chair towards them. You barely register Taeyong grabbing the gun from his dresser and aiming at them with a shout to let you go. The man who has you in his grip whirls you around to face Taeyong and presses a gun to your head. All the color drains from Taeyong’s face, but he doesn’t lower the gun. The man holding you captive growls behind you. “She belongs to us. We’re taking her back.” His arm  bars your neck and presses hard until you wince. “Yes, bring even traitors like you back,” he snarls into your ear.

Taeyong flinches as if to make a move but all guns suddenly train on him and he freezes once more. You merely gaze at Taeyong, trying to apologize with your eyes. His face is hard, his eyes a storm of emotions. His gun is still aimed at your captors, both hands wrapped around the handle, one finger around the trigger but you know he’s outnumbered. The gun against your temple pushes into your skin. “If you make one move, we’ll shoot her right here.”

Taeyong’s eyes flash. “Why don’t you just take me instead? Or kill me? Isn’t that what your boss wanted from the beginning?”

“Because someone would just replace you. Why do you think Yuta didn’t just send her as an assassin? We want to destroy your organization from the inside out. And she,” the gun nudges your head. “Is the key. She knows all your secrets by now. And as long as we have her, we’ll control you.” Another man speaks up. “But that doesn’t mean we won’t kill you and her if you try anything.”

“It's okay. I’ll be okay.” You reassure Taeyong as calmly as you can.

Taeyong’s eyes shine, the gun wavering in his hands before he lowers it. “I’ll get you back, I promise.”With that, the men are stepping back into the elevator, dragging you with them. Your last view is Taeyong’s distressed, anguished face before the metal doors close.

...

After a never ending van ride with your familiar kidnappers calling you a traitor and telling you to wait until Yuta gets his hands on you, you end up back at his base, sitting in a dark, empty room with a single chair and a lightbulb dangling above you. You know this room. It’s one of the rooms they used to question enemies and prisoners, although “question” is an understatement, you think, spotting the faded bloodstains on the ground. Just then, the door opens to reveal a familiar face with long red hair. “Long time no see, Boss” you hum as Yuta steps into the dim light of the room. 

He looks angry. His eyes glint as he slowly circles you. “Yes,” he gives a fake smile. “I recall the last time I saw you, when you were still loyal.” 

“Yes, that was a while ago. Many things have changed since then.” 

He snorts. “Things, huh?” He stops in front of you, peering down. “Why don’t you tell me every single piece of intel you know about that place, just like I ordered you to?”

You match his glare. “Do you need it? You seem to be managing fine against them on your own.”

Yuta grits his teeth. “Not anymore. Your boyfriend put up a good fight against us. You saw to that, I’m sure.”

“How did you manage to do that much damage in the first place?” You ask.

“I wasn’t aware this was my interrogation session.” He growls. “Besides, I don’t answer to traitors. You’re lucky you're even alive to ask questions. I could've had you killed for your treachery instead of being taken.”

You huff out a laugh. “Then you would’ve lost your precious chance to use me to take down Taeyong’s mob.” 

His eyes flare. “Right, Taeyong. The one you threw everything out for.”

“I told you when you gave me this case and I didn’t want to take this one. I told you the risk.”

“I didn't think we’d lose you so easily. After ten years, you throw that loyalty away?”

You glare at him. “Ten years is not enough for me to put my loyalty to you over him.”

He seems to falter. Then, he steels himself, eyes flashing with anger. “How long then? Twenty years?” You don’t reply. ”Fifty? One hundred?” When you still don’t respond, he throws his hands in the air. “I don’t believe this.”

“It's not personal, it's just-”

“Yes, it is personal!” He jabs a finger into your face. “I send you to do a job and you throw out everything we built together over some crush!?”

“You know by now it’s not some crush!” You bite back. The anger on his face crumbles a little into surprise. You sigh frustratedly. “You don’t understand. I didn’t have a choice. I was stuck between you and him. I couldn’t betray either of you. Do you know I didn’t rat you out right away? I didn’t tell Taeyong or anyone until you sent me that fucking note. And when I did tell them, it was because I was going to leave and come back to you. That’s when they saw me as a traitor. I was loyal and a traitor to both sides.”

Yuta falls silent for a few moments before speaking quietly. “But you didn’t come back to me. You stayed and helped him take me down. You made your decision in the end.”

“Yes, I did. But it’s because you were going to kill him. It’s not because you meant nothing to me.” 

He falls quiet again. “Tell me what you know of the Scorpion, Y/n.” You stay silent, staring at the floor. “You know this business. If you don't tell me what you know and prove to me your allegiance, you’re of no use to me.”

“What then? Are you going to torture me? Kill me?” You ask him. “Would you do that to me, Yuta?” 

He doesn’t respond. He only turns and walks out the door, speaking over his shoulder. “You have one day to make up your mind.”

....

Taeyong is losing his mind. Jungwoo has never seen him like this. He called an emergency meeting, had people come back into the office to assemble in the conference room, and proceeded to pace and ramble and stumble over his words as he tried to explain the situation. He runs his hand through his hair until it stuck up on the ends, even stopping to kick a chair over in frustration. Jungwoo still can’t believe you were taken from his apartment. He figures they must have tracked you somehow. “I want everyone to split up and come up with plans to get her back,” Taeyong orders, his voice uneven. “We already know where his base is, thanks to her. We’ll meet back here in ten minutes. Dismissed.”

The room empties out with people already mumbling ideas. Taeyong goes back to pacing, scratching the back of his head nervously before growing taut. Then, he kicks another chair over with a frustrated grunt. It’s only then does he notice Jungwoo is still in the room. “Ah,” he blinks, embarrassed, staring at the chair. “I was just… just frustrated.” 

“I know this is a dumb question, but are you okay?” Jungwoo asks.

Taeyong’s face crumbles into despair. “They just took her… right out from under me, they just came in and pointed a gun at her head and took her.”

“I know,” Jungwoo tries to sound soothing. “I’ll help in any way I can.”

Taeyong doesn’t look reassured. His brows are pinched and his lips have been twisted in a perpetual frown since he walked in here. “We have to come up with a plan.”

Jungwoo nods. “Any ideas so far?”

Taeyong chews his lip. “Maybe we can just raid his base with sheer manpower. She can figure out how to run or hide in the commotion. If she gets her hand on a weapon, she can even help us out before we get her out of there.”

Jungwoo’s stomach churns, remembering how, just today, you couldn’t get through a full conversation with him without vomiting. Worse yet, you’ve been like this for the past three days. The plan doesn’t seem like the best idea given your condition. “I don’t know about having her join the fight. We have to keep her protected at all costs.”

Taeyong looks at him inquisitively. “I mean, she can handle herself. She’s a trained soldier.”

Jungwoo realizes you never got the chance to tell Taeyong the truth. “She didn’t tell you?”

Taeyong blinks. “Tell me what?”

“She’s pregnant.”

Silence blares loudly in the room for a full minute. All emotion drains from Taeyong’s face only to be replaced with shock. “What?”

“She’s pregnant. I caught her throwing up just this morning.”

Taeyong looks dazed. “She’s pregnant..?” Jungwoo nods. Taeyong’s eyes become misty. He suddenly grips his forehead. “She told me it was bad tuna.”

Jungwoo bites back a laugh. “She told me that too.” He watches Taeyong blink back tears and take a breath, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. “Boss, listen. We can't let her fight on her own. She’s not well as it is and can barely keep her food down. On top of that, the baby…”

“The baby...” Taeyong breathes. His eyes are a million miles away. “Her and my baby… and,” His eyes grow cold, jaw clenching. “And Yuta took her.”

“Yes, he did.” Jungwoo says. “And he might kill her tonight if she doesn't give him any useful information.”

All panic is gone from Taeyong. Now he’s cold, rigid, familiar, the one that Jungwoo is used to. “We’re not going to show mercy.” Taeyong growls. “And we’ll find a way that doesn't put her.. or.. our baby.. at risk.”

Jungwoo grins. “Yes, Boss.”

...

You’re locked in a cell for the night. Not really a cell, more like one of their spare bedrooms that can be locked from the outside. It’s not too bad; it has a bed and a bucket. The bucket is particularly useful for your nausea bouts that have started up again since they locked you in here. Even if you try to escape, it will be difficult in your condition. Fatigue aches throughout your body. Your head feels light and your stomach is perpetually queasy. Being kidnapped, questioned and thrown into a cell certainly hasn’t helped. At least they gave you some semblance of a dinner, you think, eyeing the slop of food in a bowl on your table.

You can’t sleep, obviously, and opt to keep your mind busy during this insufferable silence. You try to trace how Yuta knew where Taeyong’s penthouse was in order to kidnap you. Then, it hits you. Your old cell phone that you threw out because Yuta was tracking it - you did that after you visited Taeyong’s place for the first time. Yuta must have just figured that any place you were staying at for a long stretch of time that wasn’t the office or your apartment was Taeyong’s.You wonder what Taeyong must be thinking. He was so panicked when you saw him last, understandably. You told him the location of Yuta’s base weeks ago, so he definitely knows where you are. He’s probably on his way here right now, or hopefully before tomorrow. 

You wonder if Yuta would really have you killed tomorrow if you don’t cooperate. He’s always been strict, mean, ruthless, but never entirely heartless. You find it hard to imagine him being able to execute you after spending a decade together. 

Suddenly, the sound of shouting and banging doors erupts from outside. Then, gunfire. You shoot up in bed and catch the sight of people running to and fro through the small window of your door. It looks like Taeyong came early after all. 

...

“We attack from the front main entrance in heavy numbers. Jungwoo, you lead this group. A small group will loop around the side. There should be a back entrance that will likely not be guarded because of the commotion at the front. I’ll slip in there and find her,” Taeyong instructed the team.

They follow it perfectly. As Taeyong slips through the back entrance and descends into the underground base, he hears shouting, gunfire and footsteps bounding down hallways. He quietly navigates the abandoned backrooms. He vaguely remembers you describing the layout of this place once. If he remembers correctly, the place where they hold prisoners should be…He turns the corner and finds a series of doors lining the entire hallway. Behind each one is a bedroom. All of them are empty except for one whose light is filtering through the small window of its door. Anticipation swells inside him as he dashes to the room, muttering a prayer that you be okay. 

The door is locked. He curses and peers through the window. He sees your face, alarmed and caught off guard before you register that it’s him. The sweetest relief floods him at the sight of you unharmed. You mouth something that he can't hear before you motion to the outside wall at the end of the hallway. He follows the line of sight and spots keys dangling on a wall hook. He dashes over to grab them before running back, unlocking the door and shouldering it open. You’re swallowed in a hug so quickly you can barely breathe. Taeyong’s arms are around you, squeezing you to him, tucking you under his chin, before running through your hair and cupping your cheeks. He’s mumbling questions and you realize he's checking to see if you're injured. You can feel him trembling. “Hey, hey, I’m okay,” you reassure him, holding his hands that are cupping your cheeks.

Anxiety bleeds from his face. He checks you one again, then pulls you in for another crushing hug. You can’t help but sigh and melt in his arms, grateful that he’s here. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he murmurs.

“It's not your fault.” You rub his back. Another round of gunfire erupts in the background. “We have to get out of here.”

He pulls away. “No, we’re not running. Yuta will just come after us. We’re going to defeat him here.”

Your stomach flips. “Defeat… Will you kill him?”

Taeyong’s brows furrow. “Yes. He was going to kill you wasn't he?” 

“I know… I just-” More gunfire rings out. You turn to Taeyong. “Give me a gun. I can help. I know their weaknesses and where to hide in this place.”

Emotion envelops his face. He cups your cheek softly. “Not this time.”

“Why not?”

“You�� the baby…” he trails off, his eyes shining. 

“Oh,” you swallow. “Jungwoo told you.”

He releases a breath, lips curling into a small smile before he presses his forehead to yours. “Yeah, he did.”

The sounds of gunfire and shouting grow louder. “I can help, Taeyong. It can make a lot of difference out there. What if our guys run into a dead end hallway and get shot down? I can help everyone navigate this place, especially where to retreat to.” 

He pulls away from you. “No.”

Your eyes roam his face. “Please. I'll hide. What if you take more losses because you could have used me?”

“That’s a risk I'll take.”

“Taeyong…”

“Please, just for this one time, please do as I say.”

You fall silent. He’s never given you an order before. His hand slips from your cheek as he turns towards the door and the sound of gunfire. You make a last attempt. “I'll hide, I'll keep safe. I just want to help.” He shakes his head one more time, steps out of the room and closes the door, automatically locking it from the outside. You speechlessly stare at him through the small window. He gives an apologetic look before running off. You stare in disbelief and then rattle the door handle. It doesn't budge. The sound of gunfire rises and you anxiously wonder if it's because Taeyong entered their line of sight. If he gets hurt again when you could've done something about it….

You slam your palms against the door this time, desperation and anger rising inside of you. He locked you in here like another prisoner. “This is not happening,” you mumble. More gunfire rings out. Someone shouts in pain. Tears sting your eyes. There must be some way.

You look through the door window at the ground of the hallway outside and spot the keys on the floor close by. Taeyong must've dropped them as soon as he unlocked the door and ran to hug you. You kneel and find a big enough gap under the door for your palm. You stick your hand out, fingers brushing the edge of the keys. You pinch them with your fingertips and drag it through the door successfully. 

You stand up and exhale in victory, fumbling with the keys. You unlock the door from your side and make your escape. Gunfire echoes from all around you, from every floor and hallway. Most of the people you find along the way are unconscious or too injured to fight, and a few you fear may be dead. Most of them are Yuta’s men. You know almost all of them and it makes your heart ache. Then, you hear Taeyong’s shout and all blood drains to your legs. You sprint into the main hall and spot Taeyong’s familiar pistol on the floor by the door to Yuta’s office, which is open. Your stomach lurches and panic seizes your brain. You fight down the rising nausea in your stomach and run through the door. 

Taeyong is bleeding on the floor in front of you, clutching his leg while Yuta stands by his desk, the same spot where he gave you this mission all those days ago. His gun is aimed directly at Taeyong. Without thinking, you hurl yourself into his path.

“Stop!” You shout. 

“Y/n!?” Yong shouts in disbelief. “What are you doing here!? I told you to stay there!”

You glare at Yuta who’s been frozen since you first stepped in his line of sight. “If you’re going to shoot him, you’ll have to shoot me first.”

Yuta stares at you, gun still aimed. His face is hard but uncertain. “You’d give up your life just for him?” You don’t respond but your expression is all Yuta needs as an answer. Taeyong gives a protesting groan behind you. The sound of gunfire tapers off in the distance. The raid sounds like it's coming to a close. Yuta releases a breath, his gun wavering. “All I wanted to do was take down the Scorpion. You made it so, so difficult. I only retaliated.” Yuta grits his teeth.

“You harassed my people, infiltrated my organization, and tried to assassinate me. Taking her was the final slight,” Taeyong growled. “Don’t act like you are the victim.”

Yuta glowers. “Y/n, I will let you walk out of here right now if you step out of the way.”

“Walk away, huh? So what about that ultimatum you gave me when you brought me back here?” You ask him. “You were never going to kill me if I didn't give you intel because you can’t do it.”

Yuta avoids your eyes and doesn't respond. You were right; he has a soft spot for you too. “So, what’s it going to be? Will you kill us both?” you ask.

Silence fills the room. His gun is still trained on you. Then, you hear Taeyong’s voice from behind you. “She's pregnant.” 

Shock envelops Yuta’s face. His gun wobbles before he lowers it. He seems to search for confirmation in your face and finds it. He groans,  running his hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

You stare at him, perplexed. He turns around and grips the edge of his desk, head falling forward in defeat. When you realize he’s not going to shoot, you immediately kneel by Taeyong’s side and check his injuries. There's a gash below his knee but it doesn't seem terribly serious. “Y/n,” Taeyong whispers. “Grab my gun back there and shoot him while he’s distracted.” 

You freeze. “What? I can’t do that.”

Taeyong’s brows furrow. “Y/n-“

“She won’t kill me if that’s what you're whispering about," Yuta calls, sighing heavily before turning around to face you once more. “She’s too soft. Too attached.” His head falls forward. “What a fucking weakness,” he mumbles, almost to himself.

“And you?” Taeyong glares. “You won't kill me as soon as she's not in your line of sight?”

Yuta only looks on tiredly. “No. I’m not going to take a father away from his kid before it's even born.” Silence fills the room. It looks like Taeyong doesn’t know what to think. You remember how Yuta has always refused to hurt children and, if he could help it, parents. It's why he and his father gave you a chance to join this mob when your family was on the run. Similar to Taeyong, there's a softness behind the ruthlessness that sets their mobs apart from all others in the city. “Everything I built is gone,” Yuta sighs tiredly. “Most of my men are dead or injured, my base is discovered.”

You help Taeyong sit up, and tear a cloth from your shirt to wrap it around his wound. “We both did some bad damage,” Taeyong grunts as you tend to his injury. “We seriously compromised each other. Worse yet, we’re the two biggest mobs in the city and now we’re handicapped. The worse, less moral, more violent ones will try to take over.”

Yuta hisses. “The ones peddling drugs and trafficking humans. They will turn this city into a fucking warzone while vying for power.” 

Taeyong nods in agreement. His bleeding seems to have stopped. He sits up with a wince. Yuta stares glumly at the ground.

“Maybe you both can come to a truce,” You suggest, catching their attention. “I know we’re literally sitting in the aftermath of a bloodbath of a mob war but… if you have a common interest, maybe you can come to an agreement or ceasefire or….” you trail off as both men stare at you as if you’ve grown two heads. You sigh exasperatedly. “Do you want Johnny’s mob taking over? The one that's already terrorizing that club we went to and probably every other establishment in the city?”

Taeyong and Yuta exchange glances. They seem to come to a begrudging, silent understanding. Taeyong turns to you. “Ceasefire for now. We’ll… talk about this later. We have to check on our members.”

You eye Yuta in question. His eyes are narrowed and you know he’s mulling over every angle and opportunity in his head. In the end, he exhales. “Fine. Ceasefire. Go tend to your wounded.”

...

In all, a handful were injured. A few died. You find Jungwoo unharmed and give him the tightest possible hug. Once you leave the base, Taeyong gets checked over at a hospital. They don’t ask any questions, as always, since they have a general idea he’s with the mob that runs the city. You stay with him overnight until he's discharged in the morning. Both of you return to his place after that and try to recover over the next few days. Taeyong orders the office closed for a few weeks. He says that, after everything that’s happened, people need time to process the loss of life, assess the damages and heal mentally and physically. Yuta honors the ceasefire and, for a few weeks, it seems as if there is peace.

A few days after the raid, you finally register the dull anger broiling in your stomach. You find yourself keeping a slight distance from Taeyong whenever he’s nearby and you realize, for the first time, that you are angry with him. He realizes this too and finally speaks on it one evening when both of you are watching television in his bedroom. “Back in Yuta’s base, you know why I had to leave you in there, right?”

“No, I don't.” You sit up from the bed to face him. “You almost died. Maybe it all would’ve been better if I joined and we talked Yuta down sooner.” 

Taeyong frowns. “Or he would’ve hurt you. You trust in his goodness too much. I was only trying to protect you.”

“It didn't feel like protection. It felt like an easy way to guarantee your peace of mind at the cost of my free will.” You stare at him. “You cannot make decisions for me.”

“I can if you’re carrying our child.” He glares back.

You purse your lips. “I’m aware that I need to protect myself and the baby, but I wanted to protect other people too, just like you. That isn’t something you can order me not to do. You’re not the Boss in everything.” You pull away from him and slide off the bed.

“Y/n.” His expression of anger turns to pleading.

“Do you know how helpless I felt? You could have been dying and I would have been stuck behind that door. And if all of you were killed, what then? I’d just be stuck there, with no one to come get me out.” 

“But we weren't killed and you did get out. Somehow,” he says bluntly. His expression looks like a parent’s who is chastising their child for disobeying orders. The look you gave must have been so full of disappointment since he sighs and acquiesces. “I wasn't thinking much at the time. I was just afraid you’d deny my order and run into combat, which you did. I… needed to keep you somewhere safe.”

“Keep me or lock me?” You huff. “It felt so insulting to be physically locked away and not being allowed to do what I thought was best at the time in my mind because fear clouded yours. Why are your wishes more important than mine?” 

Taeyong visibly slumps against the headboard. “No. They are not more important. I was just.. selfish and scared. When they..” He falters before his voice comes out shaky. “When they came here, put a gun to your head and took you from my own place where I should've been able to keep you safe, I thought you were dead. I lost it. Every minute when I didn't know you were okay, I was losing my mind.” He releases a heavy sigh, blinking back tears. “Then when I saw you again unharmed in that cell, I was so relieved. I couldn't bear the thought of you being in danger again and I just acted on my feelings.” He swallows. “I’m sorry.”

Your heart lurches. You climb back into his bed and take him into your arms. “I didn't think of that. I’m sorry too.” He sniffs and presses himself closer. What a mess, you think. Injured twice, put in danger’s path too many times, all with a baby on the way. “This is no life for a child,” you sigh, tickling his hairs under your chin. “I wish we could get away from all this.”

His hand presses against your stomach. “Maybe we can.” You glance at him in question. “I can step down as boss. We can abandon this violent life, raise our child safely and live in peace.”

You blink, gazing down at him. “That sounds like a dream. But you said the mob was compromised and the city will suffer.”

His words come out muffled against your chest. “Maybe Yuta could take over.”

Your brain grinds to a halt. “What?” 

You pull back to look at him. He sighs, propping his head on his arm. “I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I can’t think straight right now. Too much has happened recently.” He glances at you. “But we originally kept other mobs in check. We kept the city stable and safe to an extent. But now, we’ve destroyed each other. Others will challenge us. If we merge into one organization, we can consolidate power and retain our standing.” He chances a look up at you. “Besides, I’m impressed with how he was so good at finding out our top secret information. He might be a boon to our team.”

You release a breath, sliding down against the headboard. “I never thought I’d hear that from you.”

He shrugs. “I didn’t know the extent of the damage we were doing to each other until we were in his base, surrounded by bodies, from both sides. Not to mention our months of attacks against each other before that.” he sighs. “People have taken it hard here. We are weakened.” He says. “And Yuta didn’t…. he kill me when he could have. I would have killed him in his position. I guess that’s something.”

You gaze at him. “So is this the truce you will offer him? Merging? And you’ll step down and make him boss?”

He winces. “I don’t know about making him boss. He can run his own unit as part of our larger organization if he chooses. But I’ll step down.” He says, smiling. “And we can live far away from the violence and never think about it again.”

“That… sounds almost too good to be true.”

He takes your hand and kisses it. “We deserve it after all these years. I want to be a father rather than a kingpin. I’d much rather be by your side raising our baby and being your h… um,” he averts his eyes and clears his throat. “Being domestic.”

Your heart melts, noticing the pink tint to his cheeks. “You do love domesticity.” You chuckle. “Who will take your place then?”

Taeyong grins. “I think someone deserves a promotion.”

...

Over the next few weeks, Taeyong notifies Yuta of the proposed plan, who begrudgingly accepts. He also tells the office about the news of the merger, earning loud protests of outrage. “We’re supposed to work alongside the people that killed us!?” One member shouts. 

Taeyong gazes around the conference room. “It’s either this or we close down. Given what’s happened, it will be extremely difficult to climb back to where we were,” he explains. “We will be vulnerable to attacks by other mobs and more people will die. If we don’t come to an agreement with Yuta, he might begin attacking us again as well. This will repeat for a while.” Grumbled murmurs echo around the room. “Also, I will be stepping down.”

That gets even louder shouts. Taeyong raises his hands signaling everyone to settle down.

“You said we’re compromised but you’re going to leave us without a leader!?” A woman protests.

“Someone will replace me, of course. Someone who is far better suited to the position than me, someone who is much more intelligent and perceptive will be a force to be reckoned with if anyone dares challenge us from now on.” Taeyong smiles, eyes fixing on one person. “Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo looks stunned. The mumbles of protests pause entirely for a few moments before they turn into cheers and hollers. Someone slaps him on the back a few times in congratulations and he blinks as if in a daze. “Me? As Boss?” 

Taeyong grins. “Do you accept?” Jungwoo blinks furiously before nodding. “Then, congratulations.” The room bursts into applause. Absolutely no one objects to his appointment. Jungwoo has always been the most intelligent and discerning, and will no doubt be a force to be reckoned with against any of the mob’s enemies. Within a few days, Taeyong officially hands over the position, his office, and the reigns to his right hand.

...

In the following weeks, Taeyong exchanges a few calls with Yuta, mostly on how to merge the organizations, and discuss grievances and conditions. They settle on some specific deal you don’t understand, but it must be adequate since Yuta agrees to merge and actually comes over to the office for a few meetings. Within a month, they officially merge and things seem to stabilize and run smoothly. Jungwoo takes to the new role quickly as well. He already knows the inner workers of the mob so he needs very little training. In turn, Taeyong is able to resign fully. Jungwoo insists on throwing a going away party, filled with some teary goodbyes, congratulations and well wishes with the pregnancy. From here, you can begin to believe things will actually get better. 

With all the new free time, Taeyong is able to help take care of you for the rest of your pregnancy. He supports you through all your woes, like making you food, holding your hair back while you’re hurling into the toilet, massaging your aching muscles. Some nights he props his chin onto your stomach, speaking to the baby with a light in his eyes. It’s the deepest peace you’ve ever felt. A month later, your morning sickness evens out and you identify the faintest change in the protrusion of your stomach. A baby bump. When you first show him, Taeyong is over the moon. He can’t keep his hands off your tummy. His eyes shine and lips are curled into a smile that stays for a week. It’s also when you chance a question at Taeyong that you meant as a suggestion, just something to think about, but it changes everything. It’s when you’re lounging in bed, one of those restful days. Sunlight pours in through the blinds and the television is low in the background. “Taeyong?” He hums in question. “Do you want to get married?”

A beat of silence passes. “...What?” You chance a glance at him. He’s absolutely shocked. Heat flares on your cheeks in embarrassment. 

“I don't know… I just thought maybe someday we can. I know we don't have to, but I just thought we’re going to be together… I mean, forever, right?” You blush. “That came out cheesy. I meant neither of us have any intention to leave, so might as well-”

He cuts you off with a kiss and pulls away before you can even process it. “Yes, yes, yes,” he litters butterfly kisses across your face and pulls you into a hug. You melt, laughing into his shoulder. “I thought you wouldn’t want to.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” You giggle. “We’re already having a whole kid together.”

“I don’t know,” he pulls back, a smile curled wide over his lips. It’s wonderful to see him happy. “I want to. I definitely want to.”

Your heart soars. “Then let’s get married.”

....

It’s short work to plan your wedding. Neither if you want it too large, but much of the office is invited to reception afterwards. It arrives in another month, your belly swelling a little bit more by then, but not noticeable under your wedding dress. The ceremony is emotional and filled with reverence. You’ll never forget the sight of your groom in his tux, shining eyes and smile, calling you his wife and him your husband, the words like magic on your tongue. The reception afterwards is a jubilant contrast, full of dancing and drinking. A few colleagues, including Jungwoo, pat you on the back in congratulations. You pass the night in a tizzy of dancing and laughing until a familiar figure enters the hall. You think it’s a stranger before you realize it’s Yuta. He spots you, eyes running over your wedding dress before giving you a smile. “Yuta?” You ask in disbelief. “I can’t believe…”

“That I'm here at your wedding? Neither can I.” He laughs a little, surveying the venue hall before focusing on you again. “Taeyong invited me.” You stare at him in surprise. He shrugs. “We are business partners and all.” He grabs a glass of champagne off of a passing waiter’s dish. “Surprisingly, it seems that your husband and I work well together.”

You bite your tongue but can’t seem to hold the words back. “How can we know that you’re not going to split and attack us again when you’ve recovered enough power?”

He blinks. “What, and repeat the same cycle that ended me up here? Don’t worry. I’m not that stupid, sweetheart.” He says, and suddenly, you’re the one who feels stupid. “You look beautiful by the way. Your father would have been proud.” Emotion grips you without warning. Yuta gives you a final smile and turns away, sipping his champagne as he disappears in the mesh of guests and dancing.

The rest of the evening passes in a blur of chatter, smiles, drinks, dancing and food. When the night ends, you and Taeyong climb into his car to the whoops and hollers of the crowd, and drive back to his place. You both would have been tipsy out of your mind and gone straight to bed, but since you can’t drink, Taeyong refuses to as well, claiming emotional support. That leaves time for other things.

“Alright, how do you want this to go down?” You ask, undoing your jewelry in front of his vanity.

Taeyong laughs, unzipping your dress when you offer your back to him. “You mean for our wedding night?” You nod as you slip off the gown and sigh at the freedom of not being weighed down by a thousand pounds of fabric. He eyes you as you undo the rest of your jewelry, your hair and underclothes. “I can think of one thing.” 

“And what’s that?” You ask, catching sight of him through the mirror. He’s leaning against the bedpost with his arms crossed, still dressed in his tux but without the jacket, looking as handsome as ever. 

"I think I'd like to be your plaything for a while.” Your brain grinds to a halt. You turn to blankly stare at him. He smirks. "What's the matter?” He reaches out to place his hands on your hips. "I promise I won't resist whatever you want to do to me.”

You swallow thickly. “You’re teasing me.”

"Oh, I'm not teasing you at all, love,” He smiles softly, his hands tightening slightly around your hips. "I'm giving myself up to you.” You blink hard. A former kingpin at the complete mercy of his wife. Just the thought of it has heat blazing through your body. His voice breaks you out of your thoughts. "Play with me, tease me, do this however you want. I’m yours,” his lips brush your jaw. “I’ll be your good boy.”

You inhale deeply as his arms wrap around your waist and press you to him. “You’ll do anything?” He hums in acknowledgement, kissing down your neck. “Alright,” you test, “kneel for me.”

He smirks, and steps away from you. He then kneels down, lowering himself until his knees hit the ground and he’s peering up at you. “You… you actually did it.” you breathe.

His eyes dance with amusement. "What, did you expect me to disobey you?” He chuckles softly, and his eyes going dark. "Or is it just seeing me on my knees that's making you lose your train of thought?”

“Uh… yes.. it's the knees.”

He grins, reaching out to caress your calf. “Now what should I do?”

“I don't know. I didn't think I'd get this far.”

He laughs. Then, he takes your hand and begins kissing your palm. “Use me, love.”

Heat flares in your stomach. You cup his cheek gently. “Would anyone have suspected the mob king lord of everything was so submissive? And obedient at that?”

He nuzzles into your hand. “I think they all know me pretty well. Besides, I’m only like this for you.”

“Hmm,” you move your hand to cup his chin and rest your thumb on his bottom lip. You do it out of curiosity, but his lips close around your thumb without hesitation. His dark eyes burn into yours as his tongue circles your thumb. You are struck with a flashback to that evening in the office, how he held you down against his desk with his gaze burning into yours and ate you within an inch of your life. Heat burns and pools through your body. You pull your hand away, tug him up to stand again and kiss him hard. He groans into your lips, arms wrapping tightly around your waist and mouth parting immediately to grant you entrance. He lets you completely dominate the kiss, your tongue sliding past his lips. His demeanor is so different from that time in his office. He’s much more vocal now, whiney even. His lips are soft and pliant, his brows knitted in slight desperation, his hands roaming over your body. You break for air and plant kisses under his jaw.

“My good boy,” you mumble. His eyes flutter closed and he releases a loud groan. You pull away to take him in. His lips are stained from your lipstick, his hair that was neatly combed before now slightly messy, his dress shirt rumpled, eyes lidded and mouth panting. “Get on the bed.” He obeys quickly. You watch as he settles against the headboard before waiting for your next order, his eyes expectant and eager to please. “Take off your vest and shirt.” He listens without complaint. He tilts his head back to undo the tie at his collar before throwing it to the floor, then unbuttons his vest and dress shirt underneath. He works with urgency, nimble fingers determinedly undoing every part of his ensemble all because you asked. 

Now free from your garments except your slip underdress, you comfortably climb onto the bed to rest beside him. His dark eyes fixate on you as the final button is undone. He tears off his dress shirt and throws it off to the side, revealing his familiar bare torso that encourages your eyes to run across his tattoos.“You’re beautiful,” you mumble before leaning over and kissing him deep. He melts immediately, hands cupping your cheeks to pull you closer. You pull away abruptly to leave hot, open mouthed kisses down his jaw and neck until he’s groaning lowly and melting into the mattress. You nip his skin with the slightest nick of your teeth as you travel down to his collarbone. It has a profound effect on him, pulling shallow breaths and moans from his lips. Your lips travel over his heart and down his chestline. His breathing turns harsh, and moans grow louder. You opt then to lick down his abdomen, leaving him shivering. 

You glance up at him. You figure your gaze must have been dark and full of lust because he looks completely wrecked and held immobile. His cheeks are flushed, lips stained red, pupils dilated. You maintain eye contact as you kiss and lick and nip down the rest of his abdomen, urging his muscles to quiver and flex the lower you go. Once you get to his pantline, he’s already straining against his slacks. You press a final kiss to the spot below his navel, earning a jump of his muscle and a low groan from him, before undoing his belt and tugging the garment completely off his legs, along with his boxers. You don't wait to press kisses to his thighs. His hard cock is so easily within reach but you choose to litter kisses along his hips, thighs, and navel instead. You tease until he’s whimpering and pressing his hips up from the mattress and towards your mouth. When you kiss the juncture of his thigh and pelvis, he gasps, tangles his fingers in your hair and moans. “Please, Y/n.” 

“Please what?”

His hazy eyes manage to focus on you. “Please stop teasing.” 

You hum, moving to suck the juncture of his pelvis while your hand not-so-accidentally grazes his balls. “You mean like this?”

He gasps harshly, fingers tightening in your hair, head tilting against his pillow. “Y-Yes, yes like that.”

“But I don’t want to stop. Not until you’re completely gone, and begging and teary for me.” You see him swallow, eyes darkening a few shades. He barely has time to find a response before you’re back to kissing, sucking, and biting his thighs until he’s panting and whining once more. After a few more minutes, you can tell that his mental cohesion is slipping. His brows are knitted, bottom lip bitten and red, eyes helpless with the slightest hint of desperate tears.

“Please, please, please Y/n,” he babbles, gasping at your tongue on his hip bone. His hands are still in your hair and you allow them to stay there so long as he isn't forcing your head towards where he needs you the most.

“Just a little longer. You said you wanted to be my plaything, didn’t you?”

He shivers at that, eyes clenching shut. His cheeks are flush much more now. “I can’t take it anymore.”

You hum as you mouth along his pelvis. “Tell me what you want.”

“You mouth,” he moans brokenly.

“You already have my mouth,” you say, pointedly ignoring the straining, leaking cock within reach.

His eyes fly open when you mouth his balls, suckling the skin. He shivers hard, eyes rolling back. He pants harshly, fighting to remember words. He trembles under you, hands shaky in your hair. “On my cock, please, please.”

“As you wish.” When your lips close around his cock finally,  his face twists into a pained grimace. You slowly stroke him with your lips, tongue swirling around his length, pulling harsher breaths and shivers from him. His eyelids flutter and are so deeply lidded they are almost closed. He seems to fight to keep them open if only to take in the sight of you between his legs. You take him up till his base, enveloping him entirely with his mouth until his cock hits the back of your throat. He arches and releases a deep groan. He twitches in your mouth, and you realize he’s already close. You take the liberty to speed up, your lips meeting the hilt each time, tongue swirling around his length. He gasps harshly for breath, back arching, hips trembling and bucking up to meet you before you hold them down with your hands. You suck him faster, making his moans grow higher in pitch until he’s suddenly seizing up, tight and still, his head pressing back into the pillows and back arched beautifully. His warmth fills your mouth and you groan, relishing it as you swallow. He’s shaking everywhere as collapses on the bed with another breathless moan. 

You continue licking him clean while he pants to catch his breath. He’s still hard in your mouth, you realize, and you can’t help continue sucking him until he’s flinching and tugging you off of him by your hair. “Ah, too much.” You relent, thinking you’re tormented him enough for one night, and press a final kiss to his hip. He pulls you up to kiss him, hands reverently cupping your cheeks, mouth and tongue moving leisurely against you. When he pulls away, he has stars in his eyes. “You’re amazing.”

You laugh. “It was that good, huh?”

He presses another kiss. “I think I almost blacked out.”

You laugh. He guides your leg over his hip to straddle him comfortably. You kiss his palm. “Y/n,” his eyes shine, cheeks still flushed. “Tell me I’m perfect.” You blink at him and he explains. “The first day you came to us, when we talked in my office, I told you I looked like a toad and you said I was perfect.” He flushes “I couldn't tell you at the time how it made me feel, but now I can.” He kisses your hand. “Tell me I’m perfect. Tell me everything.”

Your heart melts at his pleading, vulnerable eyes. You hope he knows you’ll give him everything he asks for. You give him a soft kiss. “You’re perfect,” you say, watching his eyes glow with your praise. You litter kisses across his cheeks and forehead. “You’ve always been perfect. You’re sweet and strong and kind and you’re mine. Absolutely perfect.”

He shivers and groans, hands pulling you roughly against his lips to kiss you. You melt into him, hands running through his hair, breathing in the lingering scent of his cologne. You slip off your underdress and the rest of your garments, watching his eyes darken. When you straddle him again, you’re already so wet from having him in your mouth from before. You slide him in easily up til the hilt, pleasure bursting across your eyelids while he grips your hips like a vice, lips parted and head tilted back against the pillows. This time, it’s slow and passionate, just like your first. You bend low to kiss him and barely allow a few inches of distance the entire time you ride him. You relish his groans, his fluttering eyes. Praises fall from your lips in abundance, without pause or restraint, and you watch the flush of his cheeks grow darker after each one until he's vulnerable and moaning and tucking his head into your neck, coming inside you a second time with a broken whimper. It hurls you towards your own edge, gripping and contracting around his length as you hold onto him for dear life.

When the moments passed, the vice grips on each other loosen, and both of you catch your breath. He doesn’t let you roll off him onto the mattress. Instead he holds you close, pressing one hand to your stomach, which still looks barely different than before, but his eyes shine as if the baby is already here. 

...

The rest of the pregnancy is blissful. It consists of buying baby items, picking out names, cleaning out Taeyong’s guest room and setting it up for the baby, though both of you know it will probably end up sleeping in your room with the guest room used for nothing other than storage. As the date approaches, Taeyong gets increasingly more anxious. You try to calm him and redirect his focus to baby proofing the entire penthouse, which works well. He’s adorable, nervous and tittering, worried if he’ll be a good enough father. You remind him again and again that he will be.

When the day finally comes and contractions erupt and you’re whisked away to the hospital, Taeyong is a mess. Jungwoo even visits to calm him down, which works. By the end of a long day, a baby girl is born. He’s absolutely enamored, and has her in his arms all night, rocking her gently, cooing and speaking soft words that have her falling quiet to listen. Sometimes, he remembers to tear his eyes away to give you a teary, beaming smile. It’s enough to make you the happiest person alive. Upon coming home, it takes many sleepless nights for you two to get the hang of it - the feeding, the crying, the burping. Within a few weeks, though, it’s a natural order, a timetable, a cycle. Tonight is one of those rare ones when you’ve miraculously gotten the baby to sleep a few hours longer. Taeyong and you relish the few moments of quiet and try to get some sleep.

“You’re a good mother, you know,” he mumbles sleepily in bed, arm thrown around your waist. “I’m glad she looks like you.”

His words envelop you in warmth. “I think she looks more like you, actually. Don’t you see her giant brown eyes that take up half her face?”

He chuckles and makes your heart flutter even after all this time. “My eyes are not that big.” 

You cup his cheek. “They are and they’re wonderful and I’m glad she has them.”

He cheeks warm under your palm. He pulls you close and kisses you. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A high pitched, piercing cry rings out, startling you both before you’re groaning. “She gets that voice from you, though,” he says.

“She does not!” You complain. He gives you a pointed look at your near screech of protest. “Fine, maybe a little.”

He chuckles, stopping you from slipping out of bed. “I’ll get her, don’t worry. Get some sleep.” You sigh in thanks.He presses a kiss to your forehead before he’s slipping out the door. The piercing crying suddenly quiets down once his coos interrupt the noise and soon, the house is silent with no sound other than a baby’s whimpers and your husband’s soft words. 

In that moment you’re grateful for all the choices you’ve been able to make. 

[inurnctdreams]

it’s the way you are - l.dh

haechan x fem!reader

genre: fluff, comedy, strangers to lovers, college au, soccer au, smau with a couple of written portions

warnings: dark humour, suggestiveness, lots of swearing, mentions of general frat/college shenanigans (e.g. drinking, smoking etc.), the author’s lack of both fraternity and sporting knowledge lmao, mainly nct but idols from other groups are also here

status: ongoing

y/n suh is going into her second semester of her sophomore year at snu. as a self-proclaimed snu lions fangirl, she can’t believe there’s a new player on the team she hasn’t met yet, especially one as cute and funny as lee donghyuck, who nearly everyone she knows seems to already be friends with. how did she manage to avoid him (even if unintentionally) for almost an entire year and a half? he seems way too good to be true… and then she remembers; he’s in the frat.

taglist (open): @ilovejungwonandhaechan @neozon3nha @sunflowerbebe07 @minkyuncutie @multifandomania @amrqxz @wonbin-truther

profiles:

the too broke for therapy squad

the mark take a break challenge (impossible) squad

the y/n’s fake older bros (1 real) squad

chapters:

i. HE’S MY HERO

ii. what is yuta putting in their water

iii. you’re a menace to mankind

iv. yay capitalism

iv s. does he not know

v. okay and what’s wrong with jeno?

vi. SO NO YANGY/N??

vii. rawr XD

vii s. alexa play hands up by 2pm

viii. are you starting a freshman babysitting service? (written - 1.5k)

ix. what’s the opposite of slut shaming

x. you’re not okay

xi. bros before hoes and all that

xii. men ain’t shit

xii s. that’s the goal… ha, get it?

xiii. just because you have the tastebuds of a five year old

xiv. rule two of sleepovers: never be the first to fall asleep 😈

xv. y’know they’ll hold you to that

xvi. you KNOW i love bitching

xvii. help they’re flirting on main now 😓

xviii. not a date

xix. more like your incredibly inflated ego

xx.

[lokissweater]

sunday's 𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚

{yuta okkotsu x popular f!reader}

summary: yuta okkotsu has been in love with you since he started college— living in the shadows of your popularity as he watched from afar how your bouncy and genuine kind soul prospered and shined everywhere you went. but during one of his shifts at the 50s diner down the street from his campus, you walk in with you friends one sunday night and immediately bond over your shared love for elvis presley’s music, yuta stammering and fidgety at how pretty you are up close, and you falling fast for his pinky cheeks, sweet little words, and how he takes care of you every single day.

warnings: college!au, FLUUUFFF omg so cute, lovesick yuta he thinks you’re so prettyyy, no smut in this one!, popular reader, cursing, afab!reader, lots of mentions of elvis presley LOL, little bit of angst, clueless yuta, strangers to friends to lovers.

word count: 9.6k

authors note: THIS ONE HITS HOMEEE FOR MEEE AAAHHHH CAN YOU TELL I LOVE ELVIS PRESLEY? i live and breathe that man and oldies in general, so this is a love letter to him! :] this fic is all of my favorite things combined and it is SO FREAKING CUUTEEEE UGH i hope you all love it seriously <3333 MWAAHHH I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU—

yuta okkotsu had never seen a girl so beautiful.

you were breathtaking, watching from afar, it was truly as if the world revolved around you in the most positive way yuta could think of.

you were popular— a beam of gorgeous light following you everywhere you went as you were always just enveloped by people and strangers and friends, them wanting to talk to you, wanting to get to know you, wanting you to better their lives because that’s what you selflessly liked to do for everyone without knowing.

and every time he’d walk in between lectures and spot you— feeling in the dumps if on certain days he’d miss your presence entirely, he’d just stare. stare with pink cheeks and softened eyes as you laughed and messed around with your friends or did extracurricular activities around campus, always giving a helping hand to those who needed it no matter the status.

that’s what yuta admired the most about you. you didn’t treat anybody differently just because they didn’t stand in the same level as you. you didn’t care about things like that, and you spoke to people with such fucking class and poise, that he always dozed off picturing how it would be like if he ever had the privilege of actually speaking with you.

that’s how most of his work shifts went at the diner after his classes.

he would wait tables or be in the kitchen, wipe down the windows or run the hostess stand… and you’d be on his mind— permanently there to torment him in the loveliest way he knew how.

and on one sunday night, you were unexpectedly there right in front of him at his job.

“hello?”

you waved a gentle hand over his face, and he snapped out of it immediately, cheeks pinky and bright, your friends snickering.

“yes! s—sorry.” he reached behind the hostess stand. “how many are with you?”

“four!” you responded sweetly, yuta having to swallow the huge lump in his throat as he officially saw your smile up close for the first time in his life— a gorgeous contrast to what it looked like from far away.

yuta quickly grabbed the corresponding menus and stepped to the side of the hostess stand, leading you and your friends through the empty restaurant and to a big booth— placing two menus down on each side of the table.

a series of elvis presley oldies (a personal pick from yuta) played through the jukebox in the middle of the diner while you and your friends scanned the menu, yuta fidgeting and anxious with his pen and notepad, waiting for you to order.

“do you have a favorite milkshake from here?” your kind voice spoke, looking up at him.

“uh— milkshake?”

your friends snickered again, but this time, you turned to them and shot them all a menacing glare.

“hey!— stop that you guys…” you shook your head at them and turned back to a red faced yuta, smiling apologetically. “i’m sorry! i’m really sorry.”

your friends only looked annoyed as they buried their faces in their menus or looked away entirely— yuta shaking his head softly.

“n—no it’s alright. um— i usually prefer this one-”

he timidly pointed his pen downward, the words ‘elvis shake’ reading from it.

“it has uh— vanilla ice cream with peanut butter and bananas.” he pursed his lips. “if… if you like that?”

“oh i’m a whore for anything with peanut butter in it!…” your hands spread flat across the menu as you leaned closer, yuta shyly laughing a little at your wording.

you looked up then, your eyes bright and excited and yuta doesn’t think anyone has ever looked at him the way you were at that moment.

“is that why you like it? because of the peanut butter?”

“yeah! yeah definitely... m— mainly because of the name though.”

you stopped and your eyebrows furrowed. “elvis? do you listen to him?”

his cheeks buzzed. “do you?”

“y/n!” one of your friends harshly whispered to you from across the table. “are we here to chit chat or are we here to eat?”

“fuck okay! jesus—”

you and the rest of your group ordered, yuta nervously scribbling down the names of various platters and drinks before silently excusing himself to send the note off to the kitchen staff.

and when it came around to serving your food, placing each individual dish down for each person— yuta gently settled the elvis shake you got in front of you, adorned with baby pink sprinkles over a mountain of whipped cream with a cherry on top, something that yuta did extra for you out of the goodness of his infatuated heart, since it didn’t come with the drink in the first place.

he didn’t know why, but he could tell that the energy was different between you and your friends the second time he came around, and after hiding in the kitchen for the entirety of the time you were there instead of outside waiting tables like he was supposed to, by the third time he came back around— you were fighting with them.

he quickly retreated behind the bar and made himself look busy, guiltily eavesdropping as he picked up a random salt shaker and falsely examined it.

“i don’t understand why you guys can’t just be nice!” you pushed. “is having a normal conversation with somebody that funny? every time?”

“y/n you always talk to a bunch of rando’s of course it’s funny.”

“what the hell does that even mean?”

“it means it looks odd and you’re embarrassing yourself every time you skip around not being mindful of who you’re having conversations with!” one of them seethed, their tone judgemental and rude and one yuta didn’t like at all.

“like— like the server today! i’m pretty sure i’ve seen him around campus, he’s odd. why were you asking him about— about— who the fuck were you asking him about?“

“elvis.” you spat. “i was asking him about elvis."

“that guy! who cares? he works here why do you have to always talk to people like that—”

“like what?!” you threw your arms up. “like a normal decent human being would? i can see why you’d lack that.”

“excuse me?”

“yeah. and it sucks for you.”

“sucks for?— okay. i think we’re done here.”

“way fucking done.”

as each of them scooched out of the booth, yuta watched with wide panicked eyes while you stayed seated and silent, arms crossed over your chest and lips tight as you glared.

“i don’t know why everyone loves you so much…” one of them muttered. “there isn’t anything to you.”

and they all walked out, the bell above the door chiming as they did.

yuta’s eyes darted from you to the exit and to them through the window outside in the parking lot, watching fucking gobsmacked as they all got in one singular car and sped off, leaving you there by yourself and with the responsibility of the bill.

soft sniffles reached him, and he turned then, your body hunched over on the table as you cried with your head down, yuta’s heart aching for you.

he put down the random salt shaker he was holding and walked around the bar, slowly making his way towards your table.

“you don’t—”

you shot up startled.

“sorry! sorry—” he awkwardly scratched his pinky cheek. “i was just— gonna say you don’t have to pay the bill… i— i can—”

“oh! no you don’t have to do that.” you wiped your cheeks. “it’s okay i can pay it.”

“but they left you the entire bill.” he said softly.

“i know… it’s okay! really.” you smiled a little through your tears, the sight making his shoulders slump.

how you could possibly smile at a time like this was beyond him.

yuta started clearing the empty plates from your table when you spoke up again.

“i’m sorry you had to deal with their attitude...” you mumbled. “and my ugly crying.”

he smiled softly and shook his head. “no it’s okay. you shouldn’t apologize for them.”

“i should though…” you whined a little. “they were being mean the moment we got here and were just straight disrespectful.”

you leaned back against the plush of the booth and crossed your arms, muttering. “it’s not like they were my friends either..”

yuta quirked a confused brow, setting the last of the plates away in the kitchen before coming back around. “they weren’t?”

“nuh uh.” you shook your head. “i had just met them today actually, from a sorority event. i thought they were nice at first but i started noticing they were a little bitchy.”

“bitchy?” he laughed a little, his heart leaping like a little leap frog at the realization that it was just you and him at the diner alone, the cooks having already gone home seeing as it was past closing time for the diner.

“yeah…” you sighed deeply through your nose. “they weren’t being very nice to the other girls there either… and— and when they asked me if i wanted to come eat here with them i didn’t really want to go but—” you pursed your lips, a sheepish look on your face. “i have a hard time saying no to people so…”

yuta’s eyes softened, leaning back against the edge of the long bar table as he eyed how resilient you tried to come across but damn well knowing you were hurting inside by their actions, your cheeks still wet and your bottom lip in a slight pout.

“what they said to you wasn’t very nice…” he murmured. “i’m sorry they did that.”

you smiled warmly. “it’s okay. i get it here and there.”

his eyebrows furrowed. “here and there? what do you mean?”

“from other people that i meet.” you perked up slightly then. “do you wanna sit?” you signaled to the seat across from you in the booth and he stiffened, eyes wide and cheeks pink as he reluctantly scooched his legs over and sat across from you.

“they just get a little mad when i don’t do what they want me to do.”

“like be mean? like them?”

you shrugged a little, but the way your gorgeous eyes peered up at him indicated that he was right. “i suppose.”

“are all of your friends like that?”

“oh no! thankfully not…” you fiddled with your fingers on the table. “a lot of them are really sweet.”

yuta never thought about how something like this could be a possibility, as all he saw was how much you were loved and idolized and sought after by literally anyone who knew your name— but he missed the mark on the logistics of it. he should’ve known certain girls wouldn’t be in favor of you and desired what you didn’t have to work very hard for to get.

he saw how you wiped the remnants of your wet cheeks and sniffed, looking like you had at least recovered from crying but still a little dejected as you slouched over the table, eyes down.

“do you want… another elvis shake?”

you looked up. “what?”

“a—another shake. do you want one?” he stood slowly from the booth. “or i could get you ice cream? we just have vanilla and chocolate but—”

“oh no! it’s okay really i don’t want to freeload over what you have—”

he giggled a little. “you’re not freeloading. i’m offering.”

and before you could reject him again, he was already making his way to the kitchen— hands skillfully prepping his favorite milkshake like he’d done so many times before since the age of sixteen, and now skillfully and lovingly preparing it for you, the girl he’s adored since the moment he started college.

you stood and timidly followed after him, but instead of fully going into the kitchen, you stopped in front of the vintage burgundy jukebox and scanned the selection of songs.

“you won’t get in trouble?” you worriedly called over your shoulder. “i don’t want you to run into issues with your job…”

“no it’s okay!” you heard from the kitchen, glasses and silverware clinking together. “i’ve been working here since high school and my manager doesn’t mind. i usually um— close on sunday’s on my own too.”

the blender went off as you spotted your favorite elvis presley song on the list of selections, perking up and quickly digging into your purse for any stray quarters you magically hoped would appear inside.

yuta switched the blender off and unhooked it from the base, pouring out the frothy liquid into a fountain glass cup.

“you close on your own on sunday’s?” your head turned to where he was, catching little glimpses of him from the doorway as he moved to and fro. “the entire restaurant?”

“yeah…” he laughed awkwardly. “well— all of the time.”

“all of the time?!” you gawked, popping your head into the kitchen and accidentally scaring him.

“oh shit!—”

“sorry!” you giggled cutely. “i’m sorry…”

he laughed with you and waved you off. “it’s okay.”

yuta looked down and proceeded topping your milkshake with baby pink sprinkles again. “and yeah we’re kind of… understaffed right now. it’s just me and another kid.”

you hummed understandingly, watching the way he finished off your shake with two cherries on top instead of one like last time, making you softly smile in response.

he plopped a straw in. “here you go.”

“thank you!” you bounced excitedly on your little toes and he grinned, handing the glass over to you gently.

“i hope you feel better…”

your milkshake filled cheeks made him laugh as you paused and swallowed, the sweetest expression ever on your face as your eyes flickered to his name tag and back to him.

“i do yuta… thank you!”

the way his name rang off your tongue, something he never ever would’ve thought to hear come out of your mouth, to come out from you, sent him feeling lightheaded as fuck as he dropped his head down to hide his rosy cheeks, walking out of the kitchen as you followed after him.

you paused in front of the jukebox again.

“oh! i didn’t get to hear your answer from earlier.”

he picked his head up. “from earlier?”

“if— if you listen to elvis?”

“oh—” his gaze drifted to where you had your focus on the elvis presley selection panel on the machine. “i do! i love his music.”

you beamed, eyes lighting up so excitedly as you looked at him.

“oh my god i love him too! so much!”

“really?” he smiled. “do you— do you have a favorite song?”

“yeah! i have a lot...” you giggled shyly. “but i mainly like ‘always on my mind.’”

“that one’s a good one!” his smile grew. “i love that one too.”

“right?!” you stepped closer to him, and his face flushed. “and you? what about you?”

“i uh— i like ‘moody blue’…”

you gushed. “i like that one too!”

you loved the way his pinky cheeks bloomed and how kind he was— the way he tried his best to make you, a stranger, feel better with a cute little milkshake, his stuttering and fidgeting something that you found yourself adoring and only made your heart mushy with the weird need to pinch his rosy cheeks.

and he loved elvis.

“i’m glad you like him.” you hummed, running the pad of your index finger mindlessly over the smooth glittery surface of the jukebox. “people don’t really listen to him or oldies in general now.”

you gently set your nearly finished milkshake on the bar table as he nodded his head in agreement, thinking he couldn’t fall more in love with you over the fact that you actually liked one of his favorite artists. “i didn’t—expect you to either…”

you tilted your head. “really? why?”

“because—” he stammered, eyes darting around your breathtaking face. “well you’re popular. and pretty. and in a sorority. and i just—”

“oh— i see!” you smiled with blushing cheeks at his quick compliment, but it didn’t really reach your eyes. “i understand.”

“no but!—” your eyes stayed glued to the jukebox, and he worried that he might’ve accidentally offended you as he frantically tried to get his words together.

“i know it’s all stereotypes and assumptions so i’m— i’m sorry.”

“it’s alright!” you giggled softly. “i just don’t want you or anyone to get the wrong impression of me because of those things is all…”

your eyebrows pinched in thought, and he quickly shook his head.

“i’ve never!” he reached and placed a hand on your shoulder, your cheeks growing hot as he did so. “i’ve never gotten the wrong impression of you…”

“no?”

“no.”

you peered up at him. “what do you think of me then?”

“what do i—” he gulped. “what do i think?”

“yeah!”

“i think uh… you’re really nice.” he mumbled. “really nice. to everyone.. to me. doesn’t matter who honestly. and… you’re not afraid to say something if someone is being rude.”

yuta shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he avoided your gaze. “and you’re helpful… you put a lot of care into the things that you do, which are always never for your own benefit but for the benefit of others.”

he froze. “i— i see you around campus! a lot— so…”

your doe eyes were soft and filled with affection and warmth, the weight of his words settling into your mind as if they’ve always belonged there. as if he’s always belonged there.

you wrung your fingers behind your back then and leaned up on your tippy toes.

“you think i’m pretty?”

beautiful.

yuta hadn’t even realized that he had called you that until the moment you mentioned it again, his eyes widening as his wobbly lips tried to form coherent sentences for you.

“well— well who doesn’t...” he squeaked.

“but do you?” you leaned even closer, your cute smile nearly making him want to blurt out that he’s in love with you and that he’s maybe thought about you being the mother of his children from time to time.

“i— i do.” his eyes flickered back to yours. “i do.”

you bit your bottom lip and gleamed, giving into your impulses and reaching up to gently squeeze his flushed cheek.

“you’re so cute yuta…” you murmured, arm falling back to your side and eyes casting over the jukebox again.

and he nearly just about died.

“do you want a little donut?” he asked. “i— i can get it from the back—”

you and yuta spent literally the rest of the night until two in the morning chit chatting, playing various oldies tunes on the jukebox that conspired of mainly elvis presley, and yuta literally feeding you and giving you anything he possibly could just so he could watch the way you beamed at him every time he did— even when at one point you literally begged him that it was okay, your tummy absolutely filled with sugary sweets and drinks.

you even helped yuta close— disinfecting and wiping down all of the tables, sweeping the floors, triple shining the little elvis mural the diner had by the hostess stand, and organizing the menu’s for tomorrow’s shift.

in the midst of you wiping down the last of the big glass windows by the entrance with him, you thought of something.

“oh my god yuta—” your head snapped in his direction, his eyes widening at your sudden outburst.

“what if i work here?”

he stopped.

“work here?”

“yeah!” you nodded vigorously. “with you!”

he bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from screaming. “with me?”

“uh huh!” you chirped sweetly. “i would love to wipe down tables and listen to music with you everyday..”

yuta’s ears went red as he heard your soft voice say something so cute, wanting to literally run into the kitchen to the sink and dunk his face in sink water to cool off his boiling face.

“if that’s okay!” you sputtered. “am i being weird? am i freaking you out—”

“no! no not at all!” the corners of his lips curled, and he smiled, genuinely smiled. a big loving one that made his cheeks hurt with how hard he was doing it, and one that made your heart lightly flutter inside your chest at the way he was looking at you.

“i can talk to my manager.” he spoke gently. “i’m pretty sure he’ll take you.”

you bounced excitedly on your tippy toes, unexpectedly throwing your arms around him and landing a big fat kiss to his cheek.

“thank you thank you!”

yuta kept true to his word and talked to his manager the following day, who barely even had to think about it since he trusted yuta more than his own damn kids, waving him off and giving him the all clear to have you start the coming week.

“look look! do you likkeeyyy?”

you twirled around in your waitress uniform, the frilly pink fabric moving and swaying with every spin you made as he casually tried to bite down on his thumb in stupid restraint.

“it’s great!” he muttered, teeth locked around his thumb still. “you look great y/n.”

“thanks thanks!”

and you hopped over, giving him another quick kiss on the cheek before skipping away to the kitchen, him ecstatic as he’d been wanting another one so fucking badly again since the first time you did it— him biting down even harder on his thumb when you disappeared from view.

“why do you look like you’re about to shit yourself?”

yuta whipped around and saw his other coworker, yuji, the kid who shares shifts with him sometimes and spills everything and anything that comes out of his mouth without thinking twice about it, standing next to him with a clueless face.

yuji then wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. “is it the girl? the pretty one? the one with the big ass—”

“knock it off—” yuta shoved him away lightly and walked off, crouching down behind the bar counter and sorting through piles of rolled up silverware and buffet napkins.

“do you like her? yes or no?” yuji leaned against the edge of the bar.

his cheeks went pink.

“because if not i’m gonna go try y’know—”

yuta scoffed. “yuji you’re a freshman in high school and we’re in college. she’s in college—”

“okay maybe she likes them young? cougar moment?”

yuta looked at him absolutely horrified and bewildered. “you’re fucking insane—”

his reaction and response only made yuji double over in a fit of laughter, clutching his stomach and gasping for breath as yuta looked at him with an unamused face.

“i’m kidding! i’m just kidding i know you like her you’ve been red in the face the minute she clocked in—”

“what’s so funny?”

you popped your head in from the kitchen, making yuta jump again and yuji double over laughing like before, you giving yuta an apologetic look.

“i wanna laugh!” you pouted. “what happened? what’s funny?”

“yuta didn’t like the joke i made.” yuji quipped.

“well what was it? maybe i will!” you smiled sweetly.

“i said—”

“don’t say it!”

yuji ducked as yuta threw a kids menu at him.

“yuta has a cru—”

“shut the fuck up!—”

you covered your mouth with your hands in a little fit of giggles, the sound halting yuta mid throw to look at you with wide dreamy eyes— not wanting to miss the way you laughed and the way your nose crinkled with every hiccup.

yuji snickered and he shot him a glare before standing and walking over to where you stood.

“you don’t wanna hear it…” he mumbled shyly, fiddling with a buffet napkin. “it was freaking weird.”

you settled your giggles down and breathed, nodding cutely. “i’ll take your word for it, yu.”

yu.

“eeehh?! look y/n! look at his face!—”

“shut up!”

for the rest of the days and shifts that you spent together, yuta made it his mission to do things for you to hopefully earn him a sweet cheek kiss in return like last time, all while desperately trying to avoid yuji and his big ginormous annoying mouth actively corrupting some of his attempts on purpose.

yuta would try and bring you any kind of pastry he could give away to you without his manager knowing, or make you milkshakes randomly throughout your shifts or small BLT’s during lunch time to feed you, all for the purpose of watching the way you’d smile and hug him gratefully each time, and if he got lucky, a sweet kiss on the cheek.

“i don’t get it.” yuji shook his head during one of your shifts, him shuffling through a movie magazine on his break. “why don’t you just ask her for a kiss on the cheek? hm? i’d bet she’d do it! ooo better yet—” he looked at him with sarcastic laced excitement. “ask her out you little loser.”

yuta’s cheeks were hot as he listened, watching you from the kitchen take orders and scribble them down on a notepad.

“it’s been months yuta. months. i am in agony every day watching you follow her around like a lost puppy even though it’s the funniest thing i’ve ever seen.”

yuta rolled his eyes, but sent him a small sad smile. “can’t do it.”

“why not?” he whined. “she likes you too!”

“because she’s out of my league.” yuta pursed his lips. “and no i don’t think she likes me.”

“oh man—” yuji hunched over the sink, tossing his magazine to the side and gripping the rim in exhaustion. “she kisses your cheeks and hugs you and literally took this job because of you! what more proof do you want?!” he grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “a straight up confession?! a straight up kiss?!”

yuta’s heart accelerated at the thought as he pictured yuji’s words clear in his mind.

would you ever kiss him?… would you ever like him back?

“m—maybe?”

“what about school! do you guys not hang out or talk at school?”

“we do!” yuta perked up, but his shoulders quickly slumped. “we’re in different circles though so it’s always just for a little bit or casually.”

yuji groaned loudly and smacked a hand over his forehead. “it’s useless. you’re on your own man i tried i tried so hard i can’t help you—”

he continued to mutter under his breath as he picked up his backpack and walked out of the kitchen and out of the restaurant, the end of his shift drawing near as yuta laughed to himself over his words.

he appreciated how much yuji cared and how badly he wanted him to succeed, but even though his unrealistic expectations and hopes annoyed him most of the time as he blabbed on to him about them, yuta knew he was just a kid. so he valued it anyways.

“yu!” you spoke from behind the bar, him quickly rubbing his sweaty palms over his pants as he walked out of the kitchen to you.

“i’m so excited for tonight!” you smiled, your giddy little self practically bouncing off the walls in anticipation.

he laughed. “you’re excited to clean?”

“yup yup! i’m excited to clean with you.”

with him.

yuta adored sunday’s because that’s when you were both scheduled to close together on your own— just like the first time you did months ago, back when you weren’t working there yet.

there were no cooks, no yuji, no manager, and no customers. just you and him as you blasted elvis singles on the jukebox and got a sugar high from the ice cream machine as you wiped down tables and dusted off shelves— one time you literally slipping on the checkered tile by the entrance because you forgot you had just mopped the floor, yuta practically jumping over the bar counter to see if you were okay and him absolutely sick and worried over nothing as he showered you with more pastries and sweets to help you feel better.

that sunday night he got a kiss on the cheek.

so as you both bid the last customers a good night and got right to work, yuta considered yuji’s dumb words.

maybe he should just ask?

“if elvis was still alive i would probably sell myself to go see him.”

he let out a shocked laugh. “sell yourself? like prostitution?”

“mhm!” you hummed, wiping down the bar counter. “think about it— his tickets would probably cost like three thousand dollars. where the hell am i gonna get three thousand dollars? i’m broke and in college.”

yuta shook his head, his lips in an amused grin. “anything for elvis.”

“exactly!” you leaned over the counter excitedly, yuta on the other side with pink cheeks and a fuzzy feeling in his heart. “you get it. only you understand me.”

he laughed.

“i think it’d be cool if they brought him back as a hologram and did concerts that way.” yuta suggested.

you gasped incredulously as a hand flew to slap over your mouth. “yu! you little genius! oh my god i have to start pimping myself out now—”

yuta laughed again and shook his head. “don’t do that. we’ll find a way to get in.”

“we?!” you propped yourself up on the counter with your elbows and cupped his hands in yours, him stiffening with wide eyes and wobbly nervous lips. “you wanna go with me?”

“y—yeah.” he stammered. “of— of course…”

you squealed and nodded quickly, seemingly accepting the hypothetical proposal.

but then you settled down a little. your eyelashes slowly fluttering as you stared at him— a slow 50s love song statically murmuring through the jukebox adding to the atmosphere as you leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

but this time it was different.

it wasn’t quick and cutesy and one that yuta barely had time to bask over before you pranced away. it was slow, tender, and yuta could feel the way your soft lips touched his skin and left behind a burn as he let his eyes close at the blissful gentle feeling, him finally able to relish in the rarity of it before you slightly began pulling away, eyes twinkling.

“…do you still think i’m pretty?” you whispered.

he swallowed thickly, your face so close he could feel your breath fanning across his lips.

“i do.” he whispered back, eyes locked on yours. “very much so.”

you bit your bottom lip as you smiled, ever so slightly leaning closer and closer to him as your lips nearly brushed against—

riinnggg!

you quickly pulled away and ran to the back to answer the phone, leaving yuta sitting there swooning and nearly collapsing on the table, his hands cold from not being encased in your own soft hands anymore.

but most of all… leaving him confused. he didn’t know why you were leaning in like that.

“i’m sorry we’re closed for the day!… uh huh… we open at eight am tomorrow if—”

yuta could still feel the blaze your lips left behind on his cheek as you spoke on the phone, his hands coming up to rub his eyes as he tried to get his head back down from the clouds and simmer down the beating of his heart.

“someone wanted to come in right now!” you exclaimed, coming back over to your previous spot.

he furrowed his eyebrows. “right now? are you serious? it’s—” he spun around on the barstool and turned his head to the coca cola themed vintage clock on the wall. “it’s nearly twelve am?”

“i know!” you breathed out. “we closed four hours ago.”

“four?!—”

it dawned on the both of you how long you had been inside the diner, fully convinced it would’ve been longer if you hadn’t noticed.

so as the two of you mutually agreed to finish up and gather your things— the jukebox switched to an iconic elvis presley slow love song as you were just about halfway through the entrance double doors, eyes snapping to each other’s.

“aw i love this one…” you spoke softly, a little whine seeping through.

a small close lipped smile spread across his face. “i love this one too.”

“do you wanna—” you stopped.

his eyebrows pinched. “do i wanna what?”

“do you wanna… dance with meee?” you dragged out cutely, slightly bouncing on your toes.

“dance?” his eyes widened. “i— i don’t know how—”

“s’okay! i’ll teach you!”

you quickly pulled his hand and dragged him out, opening one door and jamming a door stopper underneath it so the music of the jukebox leaked out of the diner and through the empty street.

the pavement was a little wet from the morning rain as you took his hand again and pulled him to the middle of the dead empty street, the bottom of your shoes tapping and splashing a little with each tiny puddle you stepped in.

elvis presley’s voice softly hummed through the air, but it was loud and clear to the both of you as you gently took yuta’s hands and set them around your waist, his heart fucking palpitating and feeling like he was about to have a stroke when you wrung your arms over his neck and showed him that pretty smile he loved so much.

you both slowly stepped side to side, the air crispy and cold as your breath’s blew out foggy misty clouds due to the condensation, both of your noses and cheeks flushing red and buzzing warmly as you continued to slow dance— yuta’s grip slowly tightening until he was practically hugging you flush against his body.

out of anything that could possibly happen to yuta in his life, he wanted to remember this moment specifically— with you, dancing in the middle of the street listening to the man that essentially brought you both together in the first place, your beautiful beautiful face looking at him like he was the most important thing in your life… yuta wanting so badly for that to come true as he basked in this little made up scenario in his head that you were already his.

“yu…” you murmured.

he didn’t trust his voice.

“hm?”

“why haven’t you kissed me yet.”

what?

“kissed… you?”

“yeah..” you whispered, your bodies swaying. “don’t you like me?”

yuta let out a shaky breath. “i— i mean yeah… who doesn’t?”

your smile faltered. “i’m talking about you though…”

“oh. well you know i do. i’m sure a lot of other guys would want to kiss you.”

the song drawled to a gradual close and the jukebox reset, you both no longer swaying but still holding on to each other.

your eyes drifted to the side. “other guys?”

he pursed his lips, not really liking the thought of you kissing guys, but answering your question anyways. “yeah… other guys.”

his emphasis on other guys and not on himself left a bad taste in your mouth.

your eyes narrowed in confusion as you looked up at him, yuta a little shocked at your sad expression.

did he say something wrong?

“i thought—” you shook your head softly. “i thought you…?”

“…thought me what?” he cocked his head to the side, his genuine confusion solidifying his rejection in your eyes.

“i— i thought—”

your hands slipped from his shoulders and you stepped back, yuta sadly complying and letting his arms open and fall beside him as you rapidly blinked back tears, his eyes slowly widening once he caught it.

“hey— are you okay? what’s wrong?”

yuta went and reached for you, you backing away in response as you shook your head and gave him a small smile, but it didn’t reach your eyes at all.

“why are you crying? did i say something mean? i’m sorry—”

“no no i’m fine.” your voice was quiet and sad. “i think we should go home now.”

his shoulders deflated.

“are you sure? we— we usually hang out until at least one in the morning on sunday’s…”

you walked past him and towards the double doors of the diner, letting your tears slip in secret as you picked up your school bag and swung it over your shoulder, quickly wiping your cheeks before picking up his bag and giving it to him.

yuta thanked you and hoisted his backpack up on himself, ushering you gently to step to the side as he pulled the door stopper from beneath and placed it in its corresponding place by the entrance, letting the door close on its own before pulling out the keys from the pocket of his jacket and locking the diner up.

he did all of this— completely unaware to the way you were trying to quiet down your sniffles behind him.

you were so sure he liked you back… now you just felt a little stupid.

of course— the one genuine guy you came across that you actually liked out of all the others that you’ve met, one that wasn’t like the rest and was sweet and funny and caring and so so attentive of you… didn’t like you back.

the one thing you truly truly wanted, you simply couldn’t have— you walking ahead of yuta in silence through the parking lot with your arms crossed as you wondered if the way he treated you was literally just because that’s how he was as a person.

a good person at that. way too good for this world, and way too good for you.

yuta didn’t know why you were so quiet, his chest a bit achy at the absence of your usual cheerful voice.

when you reached your cars, you barely even bid him a proper goodbye like you always did before you got in your car and sped away, leaving a perplexed yuta standing alone in the parking lot— eyebrows pinched together in clueless concern.

you were acting so weird, and you unfortunately continued to do so for the following week.

the next time you came into the diner (which was literally the next day), yuta was taken aback by how bloodshot and sunken your eyes were when you came in for your shift, not saying a single peep to yuji and him when you walked through the kitchen or through the bar counter like you usually did… and it was weird.

through the bustling of the busy restaurant, it was oddly quiet to the two boys, simply because you weren’t your usual boastful self.

and you were hardly talking to yuta either… which pained him the most. you kept it strictly casual— as if you weren’t completely tied together every fucking day for almost a year now, you just completely casual about your day and about the things you had to do whenever he asked you, your one word dry responses sending him through the worst confusing and sadistic loop of his life.

but it wasn’t casual at all. nothing about you was casual. so why were you acting like this? did you finally maybe open your eyes and realize yuta was a big fat nobody who didn’t belong with a girl like you?

yuta nearly cried at the thought. perhaps you had finally realized that.

but how fucking cruel was it that he lived a year of love and beauty and everything that was just you, getting a taste of what it would be like to live a life where you thought of him as something really special and a life where you wanted to basically do everything with him— only to be ripped away from him overnight? with no explanation?

by wednesday, yuta was dead inside.

you didn’t seem to want to do anything with him anymore like before. you didn’t excitedly jump and squeal and bounce on your little toes when it was time for the both of you to clean during your shift or restock the ice cream machine. you didn’t talk to him about elvis anymore or about another ludicrous idea on how to resurrect him from the dead— you didn’t smile like you used to whenever he tried to give you a small pastry, actually rejecting it instead, and you didn’t kiss his cheeks anymore.

by friday, yuji was fed the fuck up.

“what the fuck did you do?!” he whispered harshly at him from the bar, you somewhere in the diner taking orders. “that woman is like a walking zombie. her eyes have been red like red since monday, and she’s not yapping about elvis anymore.”

yuta leaned against the counter with a flat palm to his forehead in worry, feeling like he was gonna be fucking sick over you.

“i— i don’t know.” he stuttered. “i truly don’t know i don’t know what i said that’s making her act like that.”

“okay run it back for me run it back.” he placed both hands on his shoulders and roughly pulled yuta to face him. “explain to me again what happened on sunday.”

“we were closing…”

“uh huh?”

“she wanted to slow dance in the street so we did…”

“okay cute i love that part okay keep going..?”

“and then she asked why haven’t i kissed her—“

“she what?!” yuji choked, “you didn’t tell me this part! you fucking jumped to the parking lot!”

“my bad…” yuta muttered.

“shit— whatever keep going.”

“she also said that she thought i liked her and i said who doesn’t… and then i told her i was sure other guys would want to kiss her.”

“you said other guys?”

yuta’s eyebrows pinched. “yeah?”

“you. said…” yuji repeatedly slowly. “other. guys.”

“yes i did—”

“oh you’re done.” he rapidly shook his head. “i can’t help you i’ve done all i can you’re my buddy and i love you but i cannot take this anymore—”

“woah woah slow the fuck down—” he narrowed his eyes. “what’s so bad about what i said?”

“you rejected her.”

“what? no i didn’t—”

“yes!” yuji nodded frantically. “yes you did you freaking dingus! yuta she wanted a kiss from you a kiss! she literally said ‘when are you going to kiss me!’”

“i thought she was joking about that?” he answered softly.

“i might die early if you don’t figure this out right now.” yuji spat. “when you said other guys, she took it as you saying you’re sure other guys would want to kiss her and not you! do you understand what i’m trying to say?!”

yuta stayed silent.

“you said ‘i’m sure other guys would wanna kiss you,’ which is you indirectly saying ‘i’m sure other guys would wanna kiss you but not me.’ emphasis on others—”

“holy fucking shit.”

why was yuji kind of smart?

“oh thank god!” yuji breathed out, throwing his hands up in the air before clasping them together and looking up at the ceiling, his eyes screwed shut as he shook his interlocked hands and prayed.

“thank you! thank you elvis presley for finally making him see what a dumbass he’s been this entire year especially this moment your music has never been better—”

yuta shoved his fingers through his hair, his eyes bulging open. “holy fucking shit what the fuck did i do?!”

you walked past the bar just then and they both shot their arms down and tried to appear as nonchalant as humanly possible, you not even sparing them a glance as you walked over to the kitchen and disappeared from view.

“oh you have got to fix this.”

yuta spent the rest of the week trying to devise a plan to ease into the situation and have a conversation with you about it, but doing it fucking poorly as he miserably couldn’t come up with anything and yuji having even worse ideas— going as far as to suggesting he kidnaps you and takes you to elvis presley’s home in graceland and apologize there, yuji calling it a ‘grand gesture.’

by sunday, yuta was grasping at straws.

you slowly looked up from the bar as you saw a little sprinkled donut pastry slide across from the other side, your stinging eyes locking with yuta’s and feeling an immediate colossal pang through your chest when you saw him.

“you um—” yuta sighed softly through his nose. “you haven’t had a donut from here in a while…”

“oh.” your eyes stayed glued to the pastry. “thank you but i’m alright. i’m not that hungry right now.”

yuta bit his tongue. “please.”

he wasn’t pleading for you to eat the damn donut, but he pathetically couldn’t get the words out properly either.

“i don’t want it i’m okay.”

“why not?” he pushed. “you love donuts. you haven’t accepted my milkshakes either and you love those too.”

“i got sick of them.”

yuta froze.

you sounded like a completely different person at the moment, and yuta knew that your words held an entirely different meaning to them— his heart literally throwing up all over his insides in distress.

it was near closing time, the last pair of customers just about finishing up their meal as you both stared solemnly at the uneaten donut.

“are you—” yuta cleared his throat. “are you mad at me?”

the customers called you over then, and you quickly pushed yourself off from the edge and walked over as yuta heard your kind customer service voice from somewhere in the diner finalizing the bill for them, the bell above the door chiming as they left— you coming back around to stand back on the other side of the bar.

“sorry what did—”

“are you mad at me.”

you shook your head, eyebrows pinched. “no. why would i be mad?”

“are you upset with me?”

you hummed a no.

yuta wanted to rip his hair out at the fact that he couldn’t fucking think of what to say to you— not wanting to accidentally say something that could offend you like last time without him even knowing, as he didn’t trust his mouth for shit.

“you haven’t looked okay since last sunday.” he murmured. “you don’t look happy around me anymore.”

you pulled your lips into a thin line and pressed hard, already feeling tears threatening to spill.

“it’s just school. it’s tough at the moment.��� you mumbled.

“you’re lying.”

you slightly snorted. “okay thanks.”

“no— fuck i did it again.” he screwed his eyes shut. “i know you’re upset with me and i know you’re mad at me. you don’t talk to me as much, you don’t— you don’t take any of the sweets and drinks i give you when you always do, and you refuse to talk to me about elvis.”

“it’s school yuta i don’t know what else to tell you.”

he groaned and pushed himself off the bar, swiftly making his way around the counter to stand right in front of you as your pretty red eyes widened, your body immediately fidgeting.

“please… i miss you.” he mumbled, and your bottom lip started to wobble. “i miss when you wanted me around.”

“i— i do want you around.” you said, so so softly he could barely hear you.

“then please tell me what you’re feeling.”

you brought your hands up and pressed your fingers into your eyes, trying your absolute hardest to keep the tears inside as your body trembled.

“it’s all me it’s not you so— so please don’t worry about it it’s school and— and—”

“i love you.”

you paused.

yuta shakily pried your fingers away from your eyes, holding them in his hands as silent tears escaped down your cheeks.

you shook your head. “no you don’t. you’re just saying that—”

“i love you.”

“stop it you’re being mean i don’t need you to tell me you love me because you feel bad for me—”

you tried to tear your hands away but his grip only tightened as he shook his head and wrung you in, pressing your hands flat over his heart and holding them there as he leaned and pushed his lips to yours, the taste and feeling of you complete fucking paradise as he hoped that the weight of his lips were conveying how much he truly fucking loved you, how much he truly needed you in his life and how much he wanted you to treat him like he was something to you again.

he was tired of you carrying around the missing half of him, but not because he wanted you to give it back.

he wanted you to keep it. he wanted you to keep it forever and ever and not let it dangle over ineptly like you’d done for the past week. he wanted you to kiss it and shove it next to your heart and keep it there snug where it belonged until the day that he died.

the jukebox murmured another soft 50s tune, you slowly but surely letting your tense shoulders relax as you allowed your lips to move against his, your heart screaming and zooming through your bones at the fact that this man was kissing you like you’d wanted and dreamed for him to do so badly for the past year.

you both slowly pulled away with your lips quietly smacking apart, your stunning face finally looking at him the way you always did, the way you used to, even if it was a little timid still.

“are you lying?” you murmured.

his eyes softened as he gently shook his head.

“absolutely not.”

“but you rejected me.”

he sighed through his nose, his hands still pressing yours over his heart as you felt it beat rapidly under your palms.

“i— i didn’t mean to. i swear to god i didn’t mean to.” he gently dropped his forehead against yours as he closed his eyes. “i was being stupid and worded everything wrong. but— but i’m telling you now that i wanted to kiss you… so fucking bad. you’re too pretty for me so i honestly thought i just didn’t stand a chance…”

you couldn’t believe it.

“i don’t want other guys to kiss you.” he continued. “not at all… just me.”

“just you?” you murmured, and he nodded against your forehead.

“just me.” he propped his chin on the top of your head. “i’m sorry i hurt you and made you cry.”

“no yu…” you spoke gently. “i’m sorry too. and i’m sorry i said i was sick of the sweets you give me… i was lying i love them.”

he chuckled softly.

“it’s okay… i know.” yuta gently caressed your fingers with his thumbs. “but i love you pretty.”

“i love you.” you whispered, and you slid your hands up his chest and around his neck, pulling him down in a warm embrace as he copied and pulled your body to his so so tightly, your hearts beating in time with one another as he felt his fingertips go numb at your confession, kissing your soft little cheeks over and over and over again until he got giggles out of you.

yuta loved sunday’s… and so did you.

and when he asked you to be his girlfriend that same night while standing over the jukebox, staring at the elvis presley song selection like you’d done many times together before in the past, yuta for the first time realized that he hadn’t felt alone since the moment you came into the diner with your mean friends— finding himself actually thanking them in his head for that, realizing that if they hadn’t then you probably would’ve left with them and he would’ve never gotten the chance to speak to you that night.

the next time you both came into work, you back to your usual jumpy self as you took every pastry that yuta gave you again and babbled about elvis and how you were gonna spend your hypothetical prostitution money on a flight to memphis to see his grave and pay your respects, yuji was elated.

“what happened?! you have to tell me what happened come on you can’t keep it from me i’m just a boy—”

you skipped into the kitchen then and smoothly walked in between them, pressing a gentle cute peck to yuta’s lips before grabbing what you needed from the back and walking back out, yuji’s mouth flinging open and his jaw hitting the fucking floor.

“how— what— when— where—”

you stepped back in after a second and bounded over next to yuta, his eyes soft as he watched you lean your head on his shoulder.

“what?” you asked. “what’s wrong yuji?”

“oh god no!” he wailed, dramatically throwing an arm over his eyes in agony. “i thought this is what i wanted but it’s not! i want a kiss like that man!”

he flew to his knees in front of you and took your hand in his. “y/n why can’t you just wait for me please?! wait five years you’re so pretty i won’t confuse you like this dingbat and i’ll give you better sweets and milkshakes than him please!—”

yuta took your hand and slapped yuji’s away. “you freak stand up man the floor is dirty—”

“i need a popular gorgeous girlfriend like you yuta! how could you do this?! i thought we were brothers?! what spell did you cast?! have you ever learned jujutsu?! what have i done!—”

your manager popped his head into the kitchen and you all stiffened.

“yuji why are you crying? everyone outside can hear you, kid.”

yuji flew to his feet and shook his head. “m’not crying sir. everything is fine just fine and dandy sir.”

“okay… well can you check on your tables? leave yuta and y/n to work.”

“yes sir i’ll check on them sir.”

your manager nodded, muttering something about today’s generation as he left and went back inside his office, yuji walking out of the kitchen shortly after with his head down as you both tried your hardest to keep your laughter in, hands tightly clasped over your mouths and silently snickering to keep yuji from hearing it on the other side.

“p—poor him.” you heaved, a hand over your chest. “i hope— i hope he finds his ‘popular girlfriend’ when he’s older.”

“i wish her luck.” he muttered, and your hand slapped back over your mouth again as you burst into another fit of giggles alongside him.

yuta sheepishly outstretched his arms for you once you both settled down, you perking up excitedly with a cutesy little grin as you skipped into them, your arms wrapping snug around his torso as he brought his around your shoulders and squeezed, earning a tiny squeak from you that made him laugh.

he hoped to god he wasn’t dreaming.

yuta started shifting his weight from one to the other, gently moving and swaying you side to side in the kitchen as you giggled and let him lead you like that.

“you slow dancing yu?” you murmured softly, head coming up to give him a kiss on the cheek as he blushed.

“yeah..” he hummed. “i like it when we do.”

“i do too yu… it’s like our little thing! we’re so vintage.”

he snorted, and a charming beautiful smile spread across your face— one that made him wonder how he ever managed to land you when all he did was wait tables and stutter foolishly and wasn’t anyone particularly special like you were.

but you. you were everything. everything and way fucking more as you looked at him like he built the diner himself brick by brick for reasons he still couldn’t understand why.

yuta spoke after a moment.

“…what do you think of me?” he murmured suddenly, cheek mushing up against the side of your head as your brows furrowed.

“what do i think of you?” you asked, your perplexed face slowly shifting to one of realization as it dawned on you how yuta was reiterating your words to him from when you first met.

he grinned. “yeah.”

you pulled back to face him.

“i think you’re kind… you always have been even when i didn’t deserve it.”

his jaw dropped. “what? didn’t deserve it?—”

“i’m not finished!” you pouted, and he playfully rolled his eyes as he shut his lips.

“you’re too good to me yu…” you sighed a little. “you’re so helpful and selfless, and even when things piss you off you still take the time to appreciate them… like yuji.”

you both snickered then, and yuta brought his head down and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

“i love the way you love, yuta. i love the way you love me and take care of me and always feed me…” you giggled. “without me ever having to ask.”

you felt his arms tighten around you.

“don’t ever think that you aren’t special to me or anyone or i’ll kill you and go to graceland without you.”

he laughed loudly in your neck and pulled back, half lidded ditzy loving eyes staring back as he leaned in and kissed you— gentle and delicate, his hands coming up to cup your warm cheeks.

“jesus man table nine would not stop asking me for— oh god no!”

you and yuta jumped apart, yuji immediately wailing and crying again as he flung himself to the floor on his knees.

“really?! in my kitchen?! in front of my face?! how cruel can you be yuta?! y/n can you maybe give me a ki—”

yuta leaned down and smacked him upside the head.

“owwwuhh! what’s wrong with just one little kiss man?!—”

“cut. it. out!—”

and just like always, the week came and went, sunday fast approaching as the day eventually came to close the diner together like lovely clockwork— wiping down tables and sweeping the floors, organizing the menu’s and restocking the crayons for the little kids, gulping down milkshakes with yuta like water as you worked…

but most importantly— sharing long kisses in between each sweeping rotation, kissing and pinching his cheeks repeatedly whenever he asked or did literally anything, and slow dancing to the same 50s love song that played when you first tried to kiss him at the bar that one night, swaying together in a silly way and giggling whenever you’d both nearly topple over to the floor— yuta beaming and lovesick as he looked down at your gorgeous smile and your gorgeous face… it gleaming with so much purpose, so much pure love and importance and value for him as you danced—

that yuta decided he wanted you to keep the other remaining half of him too.

forever.

this! is the song that was playing when reader was about to give yuta a kissy kissy on the bar counter, and again at the end if you’re curious :3 it was playing when i wrote it and it literally fit so well and lifted my entire body and spirit and i felt like i was THERE MAN! <333

taglist!! <33 (THANK YOU THANK YOU!):

@cupcaketeddybehr @soobiary @roachfun @waterfal-ling @saebaey @reneinii @luvvmae @cake-with-the-cream @pixie-dix @2ukika @cramelmacchiao @hy3phiren @fushigurioo @wil10wthetree @jameinfrau @pancakeszs

(HATE when tumblr doesn’t let me tag some of yall i don’t know why it does that!!)

[xomakara]

Here is my NCT MASTERLIST where you will find ongoing/complete series and stories.

Ateez ML here → Look at me!

Everything here is NSFW or 18+, unless otherwise specified.

Please see the little symbols that will differentiate the type of post.

Smut, Mature, NSFW, 18+, Explicit - 💦

Fluff - ✨

Implied suggestive - 💋

Angst - 💔

SFW - ⭐

Anyone under the age of 18. PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT with anything rated NSFW or 18+.

The stories are NOT actual representation of the idols’ personalities in real life and are just works of fiction.

SERIES

The Highlights of Romance | Ongoing | In which you're a bestselling author and become friends with your neighbors. But when your life suddenly becomes the center of attention, will your life be a novel in the works? [Mark x Reader]

BY MEMBER

💦 Inked By You | 10.1K words | smut, college au, friends to lovers You're best friends with Johnny and have had feelings for him for awhile. You think he's only attracted to you because of your tattoos but it's so much more.

💦💔 Only One For Me | 11.4K words | smut, idol au, friends to lovers, scandal, slight angst Hanging out with your friends at the hottest club in Chicago, you never expect to see Johnny after you had left the idol life, your friends and him after a scandal. Johnny says he misses you and shows you how much he really does miss you.

💦 Body & Soul | 3.4K words | smut, threesome, non-idol au You just want to have sex with Johnny but Doyoung keeps interferring so you and Johnny try to convince Doyoung into having a threesome.

💦 Come On Over | 5.2K words | smut, threesome, idol au Haechan doesn’t want to be seen as a cute, little baby boy to you so he asks Johnny for help to seduce you.

💦 Making Music | 10K words | smut, college au, rivals to lovers, professor!johnny You and Johnny are rival music professors who are forced to work together on a joint project. Through the process, you get to know each other better, eventually giving into the attraction you have for each other.

💦 Closet Fun | 2.3K words | smut, idol au Taeyong drags you into a closet for some fun quality time.

💦 Private Lesson | 2.7K words | smut, idol au You’re tutoring Yuta in Math but he wants a biology/anatomy lesson instead that leads to sexy time.

💦💔 Blessings | 6.7K words | smut, idol au, pregnancy, dad!Kun, slight angst You find out that you're pregnant and happy that you have Kun and others to help you navigate this journey.

💦 An Office Affair | 2.7K words | smut, office au, CEO!Doyoung Doyoung really needs you when he sees that you're wearing a short skirt at the office meeting.

💦 Body & Soul | 3.4K words | smut, threesome, idol au You just want to have sex with Johnny but Doyoung keeps interferring so you and Johnny try to convince Doyoung into having a threesome.

Coming Soon

💦 Warrior of My Heart | 6.4K words | smut, historical/fantasy, knight!Jaehyun You returned home after a successful journey with your knight Jaehyun. Your brother, the king, wants you to start marrying and you knew there was one person that you wanted.

💦 Desiring You | 6.4k words | smut, college au, friends to lovers When Jaehyun has an inkling that you were touching yourself and thinking of him, he wants to know all your sexual fantasies.

💦 Forever Only | 4k words | smut, idol au, birthday sex Jaehyun comes home to find you getting off on his bed.

💦💔 No Clue | 11.9k words | smut, college au, friends to lovers. slight angst You’re in love with Jaehyun, your best friend, but he has no clue. You have suffered in silence as you have watched him date countless of girls left and right. Graduation is coming up, and you are running out of time to tell him how you feel. Will he finally see that it should have been you all along, or will he break your heart forever?

💦✨ Baby On Board...Again | 6.4K Words | smut, fluff, non-idol au, dad!Jaehyun Jaehyun wants to be a dad again.

Coming Soon

💦 Exploration | 3.6K words | smut, office au, coworkers When you stepped into an adult store looking for new toys, you didn’t expect to step out of one with your office crush, Jungwoo.

💦 Crash Landing | 6.4K words | smut, space au, sci-fi You meet Jungwoo in a space station and you both instantly hit it off.

💦 Waiting For Your Love | 3.6K words | smut, college au Mark is secretly your boyfriend, takes you to his place and wants to take your relationship to the next level.

💦 Falling For the Cowboy | 5k words | smut, western au You take over your late grandfather’s old farm, meet your charming neighbors and townspeople, and fall in love with Mark, the handsome cowboy.

💦 Bedtime Surprises | 1.9K words | smut, idol-au Mark comes home from practice and finds you waiting in bed for him.

💦 Birthday Cake | 4K words | smut, birthday sex It’s Mark’s birthday and you have a very special surprise for him.

💦✨ No One But You | 6.8K words | smut, blast from the past, dad!Xiaojun One drunken night with Xiaojun gave you the most precious thing in the world, your son. Years later, Xiaojun returns from overseas and finally gets to reunite with you and his son.

💦 Strip Poker | 4.3K words | smut, game night Hendery has been eyeing you for quite awhile and when your mutual friends decide on a game of strip poker, Hendery is in it to win it. His prize: you.

💦 Talk Dirty to Me | 2.2K words | smut, idol au, phone sex You’re needy and horny but your boyfriend Renjun is on tour. You both decide on phone sex and you’re begging him to come home to you.

💦 Diving Into You | Series - COMPLETED | smut, just pure smut In which Lee Jeno really, really craves sex from his girlfriend.

💦 Love Me Now | 4.7K words | smut, idol au Jeno just wants to love you.

💦 Physical Therapy | 2.3K words | smut, hospital au, patient!Haechan Haechan sprained his ankle and is staying at the hospital. Being very horny and needy, he asks his pretty nurse for special treatment…

💦 Physical Therapy (pt. 2) | 2.7K words | smut, hospital au, patient!Haechan Haechan is still in the hospital but you're back to help him with his treatment.

💦💔 Coming Home | 6.4K words | smut, idol au, long distance, slight angst You and Haechan try to cope with a long distance relationship but when you land the opportunity to write a ballad song, you finally get to reunite with Haechan.

💦 Come On Over | 5.2K words | smut, threesome, idol au Haechan doesn’t want to be seen as a cute, little baby boy to you so he asks Johnny for help to seduce you.

💦 Next Door To Forever | 12.3K words | smut, college au, one-night stand, nerd!Haechan You thought you would never see the guy you’d have a one night stand with but when you meet Haechan again at a club and when you find out he’s your neighbor, you can’t help but be intrigued by him.

💦 A Heavenly Night | 4.1K words | smut, idol au, friends to lovers Jaemin takes you out on a date. But as friends? Tired of being friendzoned, you confess your feelings. Little did you know that he felt the same way.

💦 Oh, Mommy | 1.9K words | smut, dad!Jaemin Jaemin watches as you breastfeed the baby and ends up wanting sex afterwards.

Coming Soon

BY UNIT

💦 It Started With a Kiss | 6.2K words | smut, idol au, foursome, birthday sex You always spend your birthdays with DoJaeJung since your birthdays all land in the same month. After being friends and fuckbuddies with them for the longest, you're finally ready to have all three of them as your birthday present.

💦 Perfume | 8.6K words | smut, idol au, foursome Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo all get a bit too jealous of each other when  you have sex with them individually.

💦 Our Love is Infinite | 14.6k words | smut, college au, poly relationship, sixsome You’re in a relationship with five guys that are utterly devoted to you.

💦 All About You | 6K words | smut, college au, poly relationship, sixsome You and your five boyfriends go on a trip.

[bych3nle]

NCT HOGWARTS AU FIC REC

LEE TAEYONG

AT THE PITCH @jeogiyall

hufflepuff taeyong x slytherin reader

secret dating au

word count : 1.1k

WHEN THE SHADOW MEET THE LIGHT @taeyongtime

hufflepuff taeyong x slytherin reader

word count : 15k

personal fav

——————————————————————————

NAKAMOTO YUTA

YOU HAVE NO IDEA , DO YOU ? @sehunniepotwrites

slytherin yuta x hufflepuff reader

enemies to lover au

word count : 810

personal fav

NOT THAT BAD @sheeple

Slytherin’s aren’t evil. Sure, there are some bad apples between them. But you find them everywhere.

slytherin yuta x hufflepuff reader

——————————————————————————

QUIAN KUN

NOLI TIMERE @itsapapisongo

Having friends in common, you and Kun have crossed paths over the years. In your sixth year, what once was an acquaintanceship slowly blooms into a friendship. And what better way to strengthen the bond than by dealing with a boggart and helping out a trio of would-be troublemakers.

hufflepuff kun x slytherin gn reader

word count : 13.3k

——————————————————————————

KIM DOYOUNG

PUSH & PULL PT2 PT3 @notnctu

in which a prideful slytherin and an oblivious hufflepuff play a clueless emotion game of tug of war.

❝I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?❞  

❝People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you pursue me?❞

slytherin doyoung x hufflepuff reader

smut (mdni)

word count : pt1: 9.7k , pt2 : 2k , pt3 : 8.4k

THE ENCHANTED CANVAS @sly-merlin

Y/n , a muggle is called to Hogwarts not because of her exceptional talents but due to the fact that her soulmate is a pure/half blood studying in Hogwarts. Her destiny takes her from an average household to the enchanting world of spells and charms. Would she found the one she sought? or sh’d end up losing herself in the new world!

word count : 4k

personal fav

MISCHIEF MANAGED @sparklingchan

You are forced to befriend Kim Doyoung under unexpected circumstances but as two lonely souls meet, you find yourself enjoying his company a little too much.

word count : 7k+

——————————————————————————

JUNG JAEHYUN

RAVENCLAW JAEHYUN X RAVENCLAW READER @nsheetee

EVEN WHEN YOU ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ME I STILL LOVE YOU @sehunniepotwrites

fluff

word count : 530

NOT SO CHARMING @sly-merlin

fluff

word count : 0.8k

AGAINST ALL ODDS @starryhyuck

jeong jaehyun has always had the biggest crush on you. that is, until he finds out you’re engaged to nakamoto yuta.

gryffindor jaehyun x slytherin reader

word count : 13.2k+

——————————————————————————

DONG SICHENG

YULE BALL ? @sehunniepotwrites

word count : 909

——————————————————————————

[stellayuta]

Love on The Grid - Formula 1 AU! Yuta Okkotsu - Pt 4

Your likes, comments and reblogs really encourage me to write more! So do interact with this post and let me know your thoughts 🧡

PART 1 ||| PART 2 ||| PART 3

synopsis: One-night stands were nothing but a necessary painkiller for your inability to cross paths with true love. Your most recent find at a Vegas Club was no different. He was boring, obedient, SLOW! You leave him high and hanging hoping you'd never see him again until you find yourself gawking at a supersized billboard of him on a Vegas highway with the title 'LEGEND RETURNS TO VEGAS'.

genre: microscopic amounts of fluff and lots of angst

content: 18+ only. Some Verbal Ab*se(read at your own discretion), Formula one driver! Yuta x f! reader, angst angst angst, swearing, mentions of s*x, panic attack description and discussion of mental health <3

word count: 4.6k

a/n: part 4's out buddies. enjoy. For this part i wanted a.n.g.s.t and some necessary conversations. this part made me so sad yuck, i took multiple breaks. hugs for YUTA

*******

The morning sun, a soft orange, peers through the ceiling window and you watch night slowly blossom into day, minute by minute. You are cocooned within Yuta's cage of arms as he breathes deep and quick against your chest, fast asleep. The rest of your body is cushioned by fluffy blankets, pillows and his bare body that glows bronze in the sunlight. You let him have this moment one last time.

You keep watching the sun rise as you have been, staring at the window all night long with barely any sleep, as the sky goes from a deep blue to a pale blue to a bright blue. You didn't get a wink of sleep after last night. Your heart beats steadily as you caress Yuta's fluffy black hair, and he groans in his sleep.

You feel a terrible knot in your stomach for some reason.

Deciding to get some fresh air to treat your anxiety, you try sliding Yuta's arm off, but he only wants to hold on tighter to you, his brows knitting together in what seems like an expression of worry.

You frown at him.

"Yuta, I need to use the restroom..."

He buries himself closer to your chest. "Go later..."

Each time you hear him speak; you feel your heart crack a little in the weak spots. If you could, you would just stay here with him forever. But you need to stick to your decision.

"It's morning, Yuta..." you speak, lips brushing against his soft hair. "Let's wake up."

"It's press day... Let me sleep in, with you, just a while longer." He raises, raising his head a bit and looking at you with puppy eyes. He leans in for a kiss and wants to hold on to it.

You hold on to his face, losing your train of thought as soon as you see his helpless-lover boy eyes. The dumbfounded way he smiles at you like he would kiss your feet.

The heated moment though, just as your fingers find his hair, gets interrupted by a beeping sound coming from your watch.

*New Message*

You check your watch, irritably. And your eyes widen at the name that pops up.

"What's wrong?" Yuta asks, grabbing your wrist lightly.

"I'll have to respond." You state. "It's from work."

Getting out of bed, you quickly put a shirt on, his, and head out the lavish hotel suite. "I'll be back." you leave Yuta in his bed, with a smile.

You take frantic steps as you pace through the lobby scrolling through the messages that were left unread on your watch. There are a good 10 messages from Megumi. You recall that you left your phone with your friends to keep Megumi's relentless contacting at bay while you ran off with Yuta. Now, while unknowingly holding your breath, you open his messages.

"Why won't you answer your phone?"

"Y/N. What's wrong? Are you alright? I haven't heard from you at all. Just tell me if you're okay. I'm worried. Reply ASAP."

Now he's worried? You suppress a chortle.

"Y/N. I just got in contact with someone from your office. Your other friends are unreachable. They said you've taken a personal leave? Where the hell have you gone!"

"... Nobara told me that she heard from a few people at your office that you've left for Vegas. Why the hell did you do that? Pick up my calls!"

You scroll further up to find the latest messages

"Oh, someone sent me these. So that's what you're up to?"

*Attached file* You open it to see a grainy picture of you and Yuta entering the casino from last night.

"Really, Y/N? You had the balls to run away from me, acting like I'm sort of criminal when you were up to this? What good are you anyway? You're no different than me!" Your blood curdles as you keep reading the messages.

"Getting caught cozying up to some strange man? Have you no shame? What am I supposed to tell the people here now when they find out? Do you ever think about the consequences of your actions."

"Hope he fucks you up and leaves you out on the street, naked, for everyone to see."

That was it. That was your last straw. Your hand is shaking so hard, you push the watch off of your hand and it clatters across the floor. You gasp at it but don't make an effort to retrieve it. You look around, suddenly feeling claustrophobic amidst the hotel walls and quicken your pace. Holding your hand to your mouth, you keep pacing till you find an open balcony that overlooks the dusty, morning skyline of Vegas. Your heart thrums against your ribcage loud and wild as you try to reign yourself in. You want to scream out, but no voice would come out. You want to cry but no tears would leak. What are you supposed to do now? What if you go back to the room to find out Yuta has deserted you? What if that was his idea all along?

What if...

"Hey there, miss." A soft, husky voice calls out to you from behind and you turn to look, with bleary eyes. "Um... is this yours?" he holds out your watch to you. You stare at it but don't take it back.

"Are you alright? Do you need help or something?" He asks, concerned. He has narrow, serpentine eyes and beautiful features for his delicate face frame. He has long hair that he ties half-up and let's the bottom half flow free. He's dressed in baggy, warm clothes - dark blue and red. Just like the car from the race.

"I'm sorry, I-I'm alright..." you manage to croak out, with a dry throat.

"Thank you for this. Sorry, again for any trouble." you say, accepting your watch with a tight smile.

"Well, you don't look to good. What's wrong?" he asks with a subtle smile, making his way towards the railing and leaning on it, watching the sunrays illuminate a desert like Vegas.

"I've never seen a girl in distress after being with Okkotsu. So it must be something else." He says, maintaining his gaze at the sky.

"Wh- How do you know about Yuta?"

"That's the shirt I gifted him last year." He says bitterly, pointing at the shirt you're wearing. "And well, I saw you at the party last night. Glued to him. I hate to admit it but I have to keep an eye on his activities since he's the number one competition after all." He says, smiling unconvincingly to the point his eyes crinkle and form crescents.

"Who are you again?" you ask, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Geto."

You raise a brow at him.

"Did Okkotsu say nothing about me? That's offensive. I am Geto from RedBull. Number 2 at the race, remember now?" he gives some more information, and it finally clicks in your brain.

"Oh, I get it." you exclaim. "Why would Yuta tell me about you?"

"He hasn't told you anything? Are you even dating him woman?"

".... I'm not?"

"What?" Now his narrow eyes go wide for a moment. "Seriously?"

"Why, what's wrong?" you prod, curious now.

"Well by the look of it, he seemed to be pretty smitten with you. It's usually the other way around. Girls get smitten by him because they love a Romeo. They love to be pampered and treated with chivalry. But this is the first I've seen him actively trying to woo someone. I thought you two were a sealed deal." he says. It makes pink rise up your cheeks.

"Well, we aren't dating..." you admit to him and he shakes his head.

"That's too bad." Geto smirks. "After years of unknowingly wooing every driver's girl on the grid - including mine and Gojo's, the girl he likes doesn't like him back."

"Well, we're just friends." You try to steer the discussion.

"Friends don't look at each other like they would start eating each other out any minute. Believe me, if there was even a slight chance that you appeared to be available, Gojo would have made his move on you." You wrinkle your nose at the notion and Geto lets out a laugh.

"Why do you care though?" You ask. "I thought y'all are supposed to be enemies or something."

"On the grid, sure." He states. "But we are friends away from it. Plus, we go way back. Trained together, grew up together. Okkotsu had a knack for being the father of the group even back then, although he's younger by a few years."

"He's a good lad." Geto comments, finally looking at you.

"I don't want to hear more about it..." you say. The more you know about Yuta, the harder it will be to let go of him.

"If I start talking about his green flags, we will be out here all day. And I have press to attend to." Geto says, leaning away from the railing now.

"I mean, I don't know much about anything other than cars and race craft. But, yes, get rid of your ex, he seems salty. And don't let go of golden opportunities. That's call stupidity."

Your jaw pops open. "H-How did you know about-"

"You left your watch screen open. Anyway, Ciao." He says, deserting you in the balcony. One thing he did accomplish was completely erase your panic attack. Maybe you will thank him someday, after you punch him for reading your messages.

You hurry back to your room and find Yuta already dressed up in a navy-blue jacket, white tee and jeans. His hair has been gelled to the side again and looks like he took a nice long shower. He's just done applying his intoxicating cologne when you peer through the door.

"Done with your office call, baby?" He asks, fixing the collar of his jacket in the mirror. He looks so good today; you can't help but smile sheepishly.

You remember as if it was yesterday (it was) when you found him all clueless, in that club.

"Yeah, I'm done." You say, keeping your eyes to the ground as you walk in. One of his shirts and pants should do. A bit oversized perhaps, but they will do. You start rummaging through his closet to pick some colors that would flatter you.

"It was your ex wasn't it?" He asks out of nowhere and your hand freezes on one of the cloth hangers.

"W-what are you talking about?" you ask, without turning around to face. "It wasn't him, haha, of course not, Yuta!"

You hear Yuta's bare feet walking towards you as you feel a chill run up your spine. He hugs you from behind and you feel warm and fuzzy all of a sudden.

"I'm not going to make you tell him this since I don't want you talking to him at all, but-" He whispers against your eye. "If he reaches out to you again or says anything that even makes you twitch your eye or crease your forehead, I'm sending assassins after him."

"Or a high-profile restraining order, whichever you pick." He makes you turn around to face him, greeting you with a grin but you are already teary eyed.

"Shoot, did I overstep?" He asks, concerned, wiping away at your tears.

"How did you even know about him?" You ask, half-laughing by how absurdly worried he looks at having made you cry.

"You told me all about him on the first night we met, on the way to our first- ahem..." He says. "Well, you were quite passionate about your hatred about him."

"And you remember all of that?"

"Of course. It was plenty entertaining. Hearing you destroy that git. Plus, you said you wanted a hot hookup to get over it." He smirks at you.

"What!" you scowl at him. "Who said you are hot?"

"Apparently, tipsy Y/N is franker about her feelings." He laughs. "But you immediately started apologizing fervently for making me uncomfortable by making weird remarks. It was cute. Plus, not once did you badmouth the girl, he cheated on you with. It was dignified on your part."

"Wow, I don't remember anything about that at all..." you admit. "But I'm so surprised you remember so much of it."

"It's the first time someone was so raw with me. I haven't felt this human in so long..." Yuta says, pressing his forehead to mine.

"Shut up..." I whisper against his face. "... Or I'll fall for-" you stop yourself in time.

"Hm?" He mumbles, closing his eyes.

"Look at the time, Yuta!" you shriek once your eyes land on the wall clock. "Press conference starts at 11:30. It's 11:10!"

The two of you look at each other, burst out laughing and make haste. You pick out one of his light teal shirts and blue jeans. The two of you hurry down the hotel and as Yuta makes dash for the driver's seat of his lambo, he is pulled away by Toji who stuffs him in the back along with you. The drive is quick and stressless and the two of you get out and separately enter the arena where what seems like a thousand photographers and journalists have gathered. You pull a black cap onto your head to maintain some privacy as you walk twenty paces behind Yuta, having Toji as your company.

You slip through the crowd, feeling the buzz of excitement in the air. The press conference room is abuzz with journalists, photographers, and fans, all eager to catch a glimpse of their favorite Formula One drivers. Toji walks beside you, his large frame providing a sense of protection from the sea of people. You adjust your black cap, hoping to stay inconspicuous amidst the chaos.

As you approach the main stage, you spot Gojo and Geto already seated, microphones in front of them, Geto clothed sleekly in a black suit and his face calm and composed despite the flashing cameras and Gojo decked out in a flashy red jacket and white cargo pants. They answer questions with practiced ease, their camaraderie evident as they occasionally share a laugh. The audience is captivated, hanging on their every word.

You find a spot at the back of the room, not too far from the stage but far enough to avoid drawing attention. Toji stands nearby, his eyes scanning the room with a bodyguard’s vigilance. You shift your focus to the stage just as the spotlight shifts to Yuta, who takes his seat with a confident smile.

The moderator welcomes him warmly, congratulating him on his recent win. The room erupts in applause, and you can’t help but feel a swell of pride. Yuta, your Yuta, is the center of attention, and he handles it with grace. A lock of hair falls onto his forehead, it has a habit of doing that, you adore it.

The questions come quickly. Reporters ask about his strategy, his thoughts on the race, and his plans for the future.

"How's the car doing this season? Do we expect to see any upgrades for the Singapore Grand Prix next weekend?"

"Well Mercedes is planning to test out some new components. The car is quick at the corners but keeps sticking to ground in the straights so we'll have to see."

"Do you see yourself beating the Redbull dominance this season?"

"I think we have a fair shot, yes." Yuta says with a hint of mischief, waving at Geto next stage, who shakes his head.

Yuta answers each question thoughtfully, his charm winning over even the most skeptical journalists. You can tell that the crowd absolutely loves him and you don't blame them. You even see a few of the girls and guys carry hand-made gifts that they'd want to give to Yuta later and it brings a smile to your face.

Then, a question from a reporter in the front row catches your attention.

"Talking about the main event, Yuta, congratulations on your win! We’ve heard a lot about your professional achievements, but we’re curious about your personal life. Aren't we all?" The journalist asks the crowd and recieves a resounding roar.

"Is there anyone special in your life right now?"

You hold your breath, heart pounding. Yuta’s eyes scan the crowd, and for a fleeting moment, they lock with yours. His smile softens, a private look that only you would recognize.

“Well,” he begins, pausing to gather his thoughts. He bites his lip sheepishly.

"There's this amazing woman that I absolutely can't stop thinking about. I don't think she knows it."

"Is there anyone who would ever turn down a driving legend like you? You're quite the lover-boy aren't you?" The journalist comments in jest.

"I hope she doesn't." Yuta admits.

The room buzzes with curiosity, but Yuta doesn’t elaborate. Instead, he moves on to the next question, skillfully deflecting further inquiries into his private life. It’s surreal, hearing him acknowledge you in such a public setting, even if no one else knows it’s you.

But whatever it is, he has now made it public. There's no going back now. If it has to stop, it has to stop here, before any damage is done.

The press conference continues, with Gojo and Geto fielding more questions. They discuss their rivalry and friendship, making the audience laugh with their banter. You can’t help but admire their ease and confidence, traits that Yuta shares.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur. The press conference area is vibrant with activity beyond the main stage. Tables selling F1 merchandise line the sides, displaying caps, T-shirts, posters, and model cars. A photobooth nearby draws fans, capturing moments with fun props and themed backdrops. A meet-and-greet section is bustling, where fans eagerly await autographs and photos with their favorite drivers. Excitement peaks at the game round booth, where fans compete in F1-themed challenges, like tire-changing races and simulator laps.

You find him standing with his team, his expression relaxed but his eyes searching. When he spots you, his face lights up with a smile that makes your heart skip a beat. You walk up to him, feeling the weight of the moment.

[Music Recommendation: ]

“Nice job in there,” you say, your voice low.

“Thanks,” he replies, his smile turning into a smirk. “Did you like my answer?”

You laugh, feeling the tension melt away. “It was very diplomatic.”

He leans in, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I meant every word.”

You feel your smile dropping now. You pull him to the side for a bit.

"Yuta, I must leave today. I have a flight. Will you come to see me off?" you say, with an air of seriousness.

The smiles fades away from Yuta's face too as he hears this, but he perks himself right up.

"Gotcha. I'll see you out in a few... Wait in the car."

Sure enough, Yuta isn't late by more than five minutes. He dismisses Toji saying he wants some privacy with you.

"Wow. What a day!" Yuta laughs, running a hand through his hair and seating himself beside you in his car. The two of you start for the airport, having told him that you are to depart for home today and that your friends have already taken all your luggage with them.

Yuta doesn't seem all too worried and drives smoothly, playing with your fingers with his free hand, smiling merrily to himself. He rolls down the window so you could let your hair fly out again at top speed.

You gulp hard as you see the lanes of the road widening and buildings getting sparser - indicating that the airport is now close.

Yuta's shiny Lambo joins the queue of cars waiting to drop someone off and you spot a lot of onlookers whistle at the car.

"So, this is it, then." Yuta says and shrugs his shoulders.

"Mind writing your number on the notepad there, Y/N. I am about to call you every day." He says, lost in his fantasies as he parks on the side of the departure lane and gets out of the car to open the door for you.

He helps you out of the car and your lips quiver in anxiety. There is no point in delaying it anymore. Now is your final chance to do this right.

"Hope you wrote the number right!" Yuta grins at you gleefully, not letting go of your hand. "Oh, and-"

He brings out a card and slips it into the front pocket of your shirt.

"That's my contact info, in case. The Singapore GP is next week, I thought you'd like to come perhaps? You can call me and we can get your tickets book. I will make sure to respond, just-"

"Yuta, I'm not leaving my number with you." you finally blurt it out.

"We're not meeting again after this." you add, your lips shaking. "Ever."

Yuta looks blank for a minute until it suddenly dawns on him.

"Y/N..." He holds both of your shoulders as the cars behind him start honking. The both of you pay no heed to it.

"I don't understand..." He swallows, his eyes glassy. "D-do you not want to? I- I thought..."

You have two choices now. Lie to him that you were just using him as a casual outlet and reaffirm everything Megumi has said about you. Or, tell Yuta the truth he deserves to know.

Instead, you pick the third option.

"You are a celebrity, Yuta. I am a commoner, a nobody. You will be busy, find many, many better people. My life is much more static than your fast paced one." You say, trying to make it sound convincing. He looks far from convinced though.

"If it's just that, you don't have to worry, Y/N... Drivers can have private lives. We can think of a work-around. You don't have to-"

"No, you don't get it, Yuta. That's not all."

I love you.

"I-I... I am still in love with Megumi. I'm not over him yet." you say with a straight face. Mentally, you want to throw up, stab yourself for saying that. Even the mere thought is disturbing. Yuta looks utterly confused now.

"You are not, Y/N. What are you saying!" He leans in, trying to reason with you.

"You don't love that asshole... "

You are right. I love you.

"You don't have to be stuck on him, Y/N. Let go. You will only hurt yourself." He tries to plead but you know where it's going to lead. He asks you one more time.

"Do you... love me, Y/N?"

I love you. But I don't love myself. It will take time. Time for me to put myself together. Time for me to stop having panic attacks. Time to see myself as beautiful, as worthy. Time that you can use to better yourself. Find someone better. You are a champion and I can't be the obstacle on your track. Don't wait for me. I won't make you wait. I love you that much.

The words stay stuck in your mouth for you know that if you were to reveal your feelings - Yuta would convince you that he would wait.

So, you just shake your head.

"I'm sorry. I apologize, I truly do." you say as your eyes go dull, not looking anywhere, not at Yuta's quivering eyes, not at the mob that is closing in realizing that the person in front of them is THE racer Yuta.

You slowly separate yourself from Yuta and purse yourself, stifling a sob as you jog away from him, not looking back.

You choose to go deaf until you are inside the airport.

That is when you finally break down crying.

****

The flight back to your crampy, old town in a remote state is rather suffocating. Your friends are seated together in two rows while you share your row with a knocked out, snoring lady.

You stare out the window and at the clouds, dejected and feeling an empty hole in your stomach that you don't know if it will ever get filled.

You get to your dimly lit apartment complex at around 9 PM, when most of the town has gone to sleep and it's rather dangerous to be out.

You take in a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the upcoming altercation and ring the bell.

A very tired looking but equally shocked Megumi opens the door and immediately scowls at you.

"So, you've returned?"

"I have come to take my stuff out, as much as I can for now." you say, emotionlessly. The more to the point this conversation is, the better.

"It's quite late, Y/N." He mentions, softly. You almost see the old Megumi for a second, but no matter which version of Megumi shows up in front of you right now, your heart lies somewhere else. Plus, you'd rather Megumi eat shit then ever smile at him again.

"Stay the night at least, I'll drop you off wherever you want in the morning." He suggests but you remain firm.

"Megumi, I'll burn the house down if you even look at me. Move out of the way."

He doesn't try to engage in small talk after that and scurries out of your way.

It takes some time get all your essentials in place and the minute you leave the door of this apartment that you have lived and loved in for the past three years, it's like your life starts accelerating beyond your control, akin to one of Yuta's races.

One year for the both of you go by fairly quickly and yet at the same time, painfully, torturously slowly.

While the hectic days of your life begin to take a toll on your health - finding a new place, settling for a shitty temporary stay till you get a new lease, constant troubles at work, loss of job, moving around to find work, having to do everything by yourself, all magnified by an immense sense of loneliness have become a cause for you to regret living.

On the other hand, Yuta has become a devil on the track, partaking in dangerous race strategies and putting himself, his car and his team at risk, bringing in tons of negative press for his risky driving. His wins are completely overshadowed by poor sportsmanship and his inability to entertain interviews and questions. He loses out on the championship win that year.

The two of you sleep in each night, shedding silent tears, wondering when either of you will be able to return to normalcy and just why, a fleeting romance of three days was enough to affect the two of you in this manner.

The two of you slept, troubled by the fact that each day you spent without each other, the body's tendency to hold on would only get more stubborn.

He missed you, your softness, your sarcastic remarks, your blatant disregard for his celebrity status and your acceptance for what he is and more so what he is not.

You missed the unconditional way in which Yuta cared for you and listened to you, in the small time you were together. The way that he would look at you like the world revolved around you and he needed nothing else to live on.

The two of you had no choice but to move on though, after all, time waits for no one...

And yet, time has the power to heal everything.

Slowly.

But certainly.

The next time you see dark blue eyes look up at you from the TV screen, your heart has been set free and reborn.

To be continued...FINAL CHAPTER NEXT GUYS, READ HERE!

a/n: stupid ariana, forever making me cry. anyway, how was this? I can't write any fic without angst - key weakness. another weakness - my love for popular songs lmao