#yuuri x victor angst

[dancedanceinferno]

why the fuck are yuuri on ice fics either the sappiest tooth rotting fluff on earth or angsty and depressing as get out. like what, i found out in the last chapter of a fic that yuuri was dead the whole time THA FUK

[hikarry]

2, 10 and 11 for the ask game :]

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

Absolutely I would still write by hand. Sometimes I do write by hand because I feel like I get more in the zone, so when I have writer's block I just word vomit into a page with a pen and then organize my ideas. So, yeah, I would have no problems writing by hand

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

There was this Yuri on Ice x Sherlock Holmes AU I was writing in 2021 or something that I never finished and I think about that wip a lot, because...God, I had so many ideas, but I just don't have the same love for the anime nor the same inspiration I had before. So I never finished it. That's why I only post things now when I've finished writing them

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

Listen...I love killing my darlings. I love killing everybody. My middle name is angst and if you want to read my stuff, you just have to get used to it cause I have angst for breakfast. I once killed Victor with a heart attack while he was skating and made Yuuri watch and run to him and be pulled away by Chris. I had so much pleasure desmembering Yuuri mentally watching his boyfriend dying in front of him and a whole stadium. Boy, I had so so much fun. I still love that fic

Ask Game

[depressedacadamia]

Into the Darkness

 Prompt + pairing: Criminal AU, ‘Darkness’ + Victuuri

A/N: IM SO SORRY THAT I WAS LIKE 10 MINUTES LATE ON POSTING THIS. IM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF RN, I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY except thanks @crimson-chains for the inspiration from ther Mafia AU comic- Please go read it!  IM ANGRY AT MYSELF BUT I'LL STILL DO MY OUTRO- <3 FROM PERSEPHONE .

Read on A03           WritersMonth 2021              Masterlist

“Victor…” Yuri seemed quiet for what seemed like minutes. “ You know I don’t like it when you come over like this.”

Seemingly offended by his boyfriend's words, the silver haired man huffed and placed his hand on his hips and poked his nose into the air. “ You don’t like it when your boyfriend shows up?”

Yuri- who would never intentionally say such a thing- quickly reiterated what he had said. ''No! No- not that. I mean when you come over… messily?”

Victor raised a hand to his almost prim hair- had it not been for the few stray bits that flew in random directions. “ Should I have done my hair?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Whaaat? No, I don’t,” Vector gave somewhat of a nervous giggle- sure his boyfriend would never arrest him without evidence but there was always a chance that if he felt petty enough, he would.

Yuri simply pointed to the blood stained mess that Victor called his ‘clothes’. It was truly Victor’s luck that he arrived on the doorstep of a cop covered head to toe in blood in the dead of the night- otherwise, the both of them would be in deep, deep, shit.

“Oh? You mean my new fashionable outfit? It seemed a bit drab so I decided to colour it up,” Victor explained thoroughly.

Yuri raised an eyebrow. “You decided to colour your clothes with the blood of your victims- what about your hair? Did you decide to dip it in cheetos?”

“I would never!” Victor gasped. “My hair also needed a makeover and so I decided to touch it up a bit.”

Folding his arms, Yuri leaned against the door. “ Uhu.”

“So my beloved beautiful boyfriend? Will you let me into your humble abode and allow me to clean myself up from this horrible experience?”

Grumbling slightly, Yuri opened the door to let Victor in and sighed slightly when he saw the small bloodstains that followed Victor- indicating a trail that Yuri worried may lead someone to his door. He was extremely lucky that it was this night that the rain decided to work in his favour.

“Yuuriii,” Victor wined slightly.

“What.”

On hearing his boyfriend's extremely monotonic reply, Victor decided to drop the brat act (for once).

“Yuri?” Victor put his face in front of Yuri’s screen, so he could no longer type properly. “ Are you okay?”

Yuri sighed passive aggressively. “ I’d be okay if you moved your face from my screen.”

Victor, who severely doubted this, ignored the request and instead pulled the laptop out of his boyfriend's view and instead placed his head into his lap. While Yuri was angry, he was not angry enough to shove his boyfriends adorable face off his lap and so he angrily huffed and began to stroke his hair.

Phew, at least he's not that angry.

“Yuri? Talk to me,” Victor pleaded.

“There’s no point,” Yuri admitted.

“What do you mean there isn’t a point?”

Yuri stayed silent for a bit, running his fingers through Victor’s ,now clean, silver hair. Victor wanted to stay like this, he wanted to remain in the peaceful comfort of his lover’s arms- but the longer he stayed, the more anxiety dripped into his soul and the more comfort slowly tip-toed away.

“Yuri… what'd you mean there isn’t a point?”

“I mean,” He sighed heavily pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I mean there’s no point in me complaining about you being part of the criminal underworld. There’s no point in me complaining about you coming here like this. And there’s no point compl;aining about how terrified I feel everytime I see you!”

“Yuri-”

“-And it hurts, you know? It hurts, it really hurts. Because I don’t know if you’re going to be okay. I don’t know if one day, I’ll walk into the precinct and my worst nightmare will come true. I don't know If I’ll walk in there and see you or even worse, If I’m assigned to a case linked to you? Or when you call me in the middle of the night and your voice is all weak or when I can hear gunshots or screaming in the background. Or when you show up in the middle of the night covered in blood like today, smiling like- like- like some sort of psycho!”

“Is that what you think I am?” Victor shot out of Yuri’s lap. “ Some sort of psycho? Someone who’s sick in the head?”

Yuri flinched at the sudden change in tone from Victor on realising what he had just said. “ No, I- Victor- you have to understand how it looks to me. You show up out of nowhere with a trial of blood- you look like you’ve taken a bath in ketchup and worst of all- you’re smiling. How- what else am I supposed to think? You haven’t explained what happened- you refuse to tell- why, I don’t know!”

“I refuse to tell you?” Victor’s voice sounded pained- outraged even. “ I refuse to tell you because I don’t want to put you in danger. I won't tell you because I feel sick everytime I try to remember the darkness. I don't tell you because I know how much you value your job- I don’t tell you because I don't want to make your job- no- your life difficult!”

“Well, it’s too late for that- isn’t it?”

Victor’s voice shrank. “ What?”

And suddenly, Yuri realized the magnitude of his words and like a tsunami of emotion, regret came flooding into his body, filling him from the crown to toe-top- misery consumed his body, guilt and regret overflowing from his eyes. The tears stained his cheeks as his lip wobbled.

He tried to take the words back. “ No, no- Victor- I didn’t mean it. You have to know I didn’t mean any of that-”

“-I should leave, shouldn’t I?” Victor smiled miserably. -Please tell me to stay, please tell me to stay.

Yuri stared at Victor hopelessly. Please don’t, please- change your mind, don't leave!

Victor’s footsteps seemed heavy as he moved towards the door- but it was perhaps this moment that Victor decided would not be their lady;when he turned around and smiled at Yuri. The very smile that had Yuri’s heart soaring through the clouds when he saw it for the first time and the very smile Yuri dreaded to see when Victor appeareched on his doorsteps drenched in blood as if it were the rain itself

Yuri was right behind Victor- not anticipating his sudden turn, he stumbled a few steps back. He was seconds from falling and hitting the floor only for a delicate hand to weave their wand around his waist and pull him back to warmth. He glanced upwards and found himself staring into Victor’s eyes.

Victor gulped as he stared at Yuri sans his glasses. He looked so hopeful and in that moment, it pained him more than ever when he opened the door and a took a step outside into the thundering rain.

“I won’t make your life difficult anymore.” And with that, Victor vanished, once again, into the darkness.

[ravenstakeflight]

body heat

Yuuri pushes off the wall, closing his eyes and letting his feet guide him around the empty rink. He picks up speed, some part of his brain calling for a jump and his body responding subconsciously, and with the flick of a toe pick launches into a clean double axel. He skates around for a bit, feeling the music playing in his ear buds out.

It was nice to just... be on the ice, no obligation, no screaming fans, just a soft instrumental and the familiar scraping of the blades against the ice. Yuuri lets himself spin on one foot, then the other, lazily twizzling around the edges as his music fades into a single high violin, and the high E ends with his arms wrapped around himself.

In the silence echoing in his head, he hears someone else's skates scrape up slowly behind him, before a familiar pair of arms wrap themselves around him. A nose buries itself between his shoulder blades, and Yuuri can smell the familiar pine-ash-cat-cinnamon scent. He smiles, content, and leans into the blond's arms.

"Hello, Yurio," he turns around. "Where's-"

"The old man is coming, Katsudon," Yuri grumbles. The blond alpha shoves away from Yuuri with a flaming face, pointing a threatening a finger at Yuuri. "Don't mention that in front of him."

"Ay, I won't," Yuuri says, skating closer to his the pup - Yuri really isn't a pup anymore, he's almost at the age of presenting - and laces his fingers into the younger man's hand. "Come on, Yurio-kun, skate with me." He drags Yurio into a few laps around the rink. When Viktor joins them, the three men - two Russians and one Japanese, three champions - share a smile and come together. The ice was closed, it was everyone else's once-a-month day off, and so they were there alone.

"Ew, you guys, stop being so gross!" Yuri calls, every time Victor and Yuuri look at each other for more than two seconds.

"Yurio, we can be gross with you too!" Viktor exclaimed, his signature heart-shaped smile making its way into his face. He pushes off of Yuuri, who leans against the boards and watches his pup screech and skate away from Viktor. "Aw, Yuriiooooo, don't you love me?!"

"NO!"

Yuuri twitches. That-

"Vitya!" He calls. "I think- Can we go home?" As always, Viktor lights up when Yuuri calls their shared apartment home, but it's undercut with- "I think- Yurio, grab my skate bag please?"

His heat. Not early, he'd just lost track of the dates and the stress of moving to a new country, one where he barely knew the language... Clearly he'd lost track of the number of suppressants left. Yurio looks up, confused, and putz his skate guards on. He grabs Yuuri’s bag and the three leave the rink, locking it carefully behind them

*

(Yuuri's heat nest was not in their bedroom, because he was very happily in a relationship and also very happily asexual; it was right next door, through the connecting bathroom. And it might not have been his favorite place to be - that place of honor would always belong to Viktor's arms, and the rink - but it was safe.)

But-

Yuuri paused. He looked around, heat clouding his vision. Alpha is somewhere outside, coming back in, he thinks, but hm. There is something just wrong in his nest.

"Alpha?" He called. "Where is..." Pup. "The pup?" Yuuri calls. He has a faint memory of a pup, tiny and blond, a pup who yelled and tore at everyone around him, seething but soaking in every scrap of affection offered to him.

Wait.

There! A scent, like sharp-ice and old pine, and Yuuri turned into the nest, nudging through the soft material. A scarf, a scarf, hidden under his Alpha's coat (ice and coffee and dog) and Yuuri pulled on it until it came free with a soft clink against the buckle of the coat. Yuuri rubbed his face in it, soaking up the scent of his pup and his mates, until a glass drops onto the floor, shattering the quiet Yuuri had managed to find.

And breaking his peace.

Because conventionally, a male omega's heat nest has something from him and his alpha. Only ever those two, because a mated omega's nest is one of the most sacred places in every den. An unmated male omega uses it to be vulnerable; disrupting a male omega’s sanctuary was tantamount to a declaration of war.

Except, of course, if that omega has a pup.

And this parental-pup-bond... Yuuri hadn't asked permission from his pup. Hadn't asked permission to use his pup's scent to soothe himself when his body overheated and his mind turned blank. He'd snuck the scarf away, he could remember now, squirrelling it into his pocket, then into Viktor's coat and into his nest. Yuuri didn't have his pup's permission to use his scent for comfort.

Yuri stares at the panicking omega, heat scent pervasive and strong in the air. That was-

That was his favorite scarf, the one he'd used for years, one of the few things he had gotten from his dedushka, and it was in Yuuri's heat nest. In the place he'd gone when he was desperate, when he could do nothing but scream. He'd used Yuri's scent, with his mate's, to help calm him. Yuuri-

The sweet smell of katsudon and cherries and jasmine in the room faded, becoming saltier and icky.

It was like Yuri was a part of their family, like the blond was his-

Yuri yelps as his scarf smacks him in the face.

"Take it!" Yuuri exclaims, blinking to hide away his tears. "Take it, and just- oof!" Yuri cuts the older skater off, tossing it back to him.

"Put it in your nest." He hesitates, before opening his mouth again. "... Can I come in?"

“W-what?”

”The nest, Mam- Katsudon!” Yuri says, wincing at the near-slip. "Can I joi-" He was answered when Yuuri leapt forward, grabbed him, and shoved him back into the nest, immediately wrapping himself around Yuri and nuzzling into his neck. "Oh." This...

This is good.

[annie-blackhill]

My Brain: Write a fluff

Me: PAIN

My Heart: PAIN

My Brain: Why do I even bother?

Warnings

Angst

Play the song through for the story, thank you.

____________________________________

Yuri

on

Ice

__________________________

Forever Mine

Credits to the artist, I found this on pinterest

____________________________________

What is love? Viktor thought as he stared at out of his window, the heavens were crying and he decided that it suited his current mood very much.

He never expected it to happen. After ten years of being married to Yuuri, he didn't expect for it to end up like this, in the most heartbreaking way ever.

He would rather anything but this. But life and fate seemed to hate him at the moment.

Everything was blurry, his life flashed before his eyes like a film. From the happiest of moments to the saddest and toughest moments in their lives.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

His head screamed those words over and over again as tears fell from his eyes.

He didn't even feel them. They just kept falling and falling like how the heavens were crying nonstop.

Yuri was devastated as well. He knew how much the younger boy loves Yuuri. Yuuri and Viktor adopted Yuri after the death of his grandfather.

Yuuri had always been there for him, through his tears and most vulnerable moments, listening and never judging nor making fun of the younger boy.

Yuri saw Yuuri as a loving father and mother figure for him. The moment he got the news, he left. Otabek had ran after him and that left Viktor to sit alone in the lobby of the hospital, crying as well.

The image of when he entered Yuuri's hospital room, plunged his mind and made him choke through his sobs and the tears were becoming unbearable now.

“Who are you?”

When Viktor's eyes widened in terror, he remembered how Yuuri tried to calm him down and tried to explain that the doctor had told him that he was suffering from amnesia.

Viktor had instead apologized and excused himself from the room.

And now here he was.

Wondering...

Who was he, really, without his lover?

__________________________

The ways in which you talk to me

Have me wishin' I were gone

The ways that you say my name

Have me runnin' on and on

Oh, I'm cramping up

I'm cramping up

But you're cracking up

You're cracking up

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover, man

I'm Mr. Loverman

Oh, and I miss my lover

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover, man

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover

(Credits to the artist, I found this on pinterest)

[howls-moving-ice-skates]

LYFY Update

It’s been a minute since i updated on tumblr bc i hate doing all the tags, but ch13 of Losing You, Finding You is out (this chapter is nsfw so read with caution)

Summary: When Viktor and Yuuri get involved in a hit and run, the two are thrown back into the past. When only Viktor and Yuuri can remember their history, the two lovebirds must try to keep things on the down low for the public. Of course, when someone is as extra as Viktor and as confident as Yuuri, things aren't so easy to hide. Or, in which Viktor and Yuuri get thrown into the past and chaos ensues.

Pairing: Viktor Nikiforov/Yuuri Katsuki

Word Count: 68,100

[madirablack]

A new fic I've started in which Viktor makes his return to skating. please check it out!

[carnivalgirl24]

A sad scene from a fic I am never going to finish

(The beginning of the end of Victor’s competitive career)

Yuuri had read many times that anxiety was really an extreme version of a helpful human response to challenges. That the purpose of worrying and panicking, evolution-wise, was to keep you prepared and safe. So you would think that if you spent literal years worrying and panicking about something, you would at least be extremely ready if it happened. 

But the truth was anxiety didn't have any helpful side, and Yuuri knew from the second the thing happened that he had not been prepared for it. 

They were in Geneva, visiting Chris as Victor had done almost every summer out of the past eleven. Phichit had come along too, as he’d hit it off with Chris in Barcelona, and he “didn't want Yuuri to be a third wheel”. During the day they trained and exercised together, then had dinner together in the evenings and shared ideas about the wedding. Today was Saturday, their second to last night. He and Victor had booked to see the Geneva Chamber Orchestra and go out for a romantic meal. As they often did on their date nights, they had agreed to separate until evening, like it was their wedding day. It was silly, but Yuuri got a kick out of it. 

He had been at the gym with Phichit while Victor practiced at the rink with Chris. Unusually, he hadn't had much on his mind at all, except maybe what the look on Victor’s face would be when he told him how much he’d done on the rowing machine. It took him a minute to notice Phichit waving him over from the bench press.

Yuuri saw it in Phichit’s face, his body language, his aura, before he even said a word. It was like the day his father took him and Mari aside after dinner to tell them he’d fainted at the grocery store, and the doctors thought it was his heart. It turned out he had just been exhausted, but Yuuri had never really forgotten that feeling of the world tilting on its axis under his feet.

Phichit handed him his phone. The name ‘Yuuri’s husband’ showed. Yuuri realised he had been ignoring his own phone for a long time. 

‘Stay by Phichit,’ Victor said, when Yuuri answered. ‘About an hour ago I landed badly on a jump, and… I think I...actually I know I have injured my back.’

Yuuri’s heart started to hammer. So this was it. Victor’s comeback had been an uphill struggle, particularly as he tried to combine it with coaching. He went through industrial quantities of heat gels and moderate painkillers, and sometimes the romantic massages Yuuri gave him took an unintentional turn for the medicinal. However, there must have been part of Yuuri that hadn't really thought it all through, because now he was hearing the word ‘injured’ come out of Victor’s mouth, he was helplessly terrified.  

‘Isn't there a first responder at the rink?’

‘Yeah, she wants me to go to hospital too.’

‘Are you in a lot of pain?’

Victor laughed shakily. ‘Worse than the Trophée de France 2007.’

That was the time he’d ruptured a tendon in his ankle and crashed out of the Grand Prix. Two years of comparatively little success had followed. The fan community still referred to it as ‘What TF’. 

‘Oh.’

Victor continued talking after this, but Yuuri was only half-listening. His ability to be present, to respond to Victor, was moving out of his grasp. His free hand moved up and down of its own accord, expressing something he couldn't yet form into words. Phichit leant in and took hold of it.

‘Do you want me to come down there?’ Yuuri said.

‘It’s probably just a bad sprain. They’ll just do some…some...you know…’ Victor sighed, struggling for the English words, ‘scannings.’

Yuuri swallowed. He took in the firm grip of Phichit’s hand, the humming of the air conditioning, the heat building between the phone and the side of his face. ‘Victor, do you want me to come down there?’ he repeated, as steadily as he could. 

‘Yes,’ Victor said. There was a voice behind him, Chris’s coach saying something in French. ‘I have to go, we’re here…The hospital is called La Tour, OK? French for tower.’

‘I love you,’ Yuuri blurted out, and just saying those words aloud made tears start from his eyes. He hung up the phone and handed it to Phichit. His whole body was shaking.

‘What happened?’ Phichit asked.

‘What TF,’ Yuuri said, taking off his glasses and wiping his eyes. He didn't need to think about what he was saying, not with Phichit. 

Phichit’s eyes widened, and he took a second to think. ‘Right. OK. You wanna…you wanna go outside for a minute?’ 

‘No. We have to get to the hospital right now. He’s already there.’

‘I’ll get us a cab.’ There was another beat into which ‘It’ll be fine’ might have fitted, but Phichit didn’t say that. He just squeezed Yuuri’s hand again.

[howlnikiforov]

Chapter 4 is up!

Title: Losing You, Finding you

Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Chapters: 4/?

When Viktor and Yuuri get involved in a hit and run, the two are thrown back into the past. When only Viktor and Yuuri can remember their history, the two lovebirds must try to keep things on the down low for the public. Of course, when someone is as extra as Viktor and as confident as Yuuri, things aren't so easy to hide.

Or, in which Viktor and Yuuri get thrown into the past and play pranks on everyone.

[zenphia]

Fraud

Yuuri wanted to puke, to scream, to do anything, anything but stare at the scene that was unfolding in front of him.

Was he not good enough? Did Viktor just want a plaything? He should've stayed inside, like Viktor asked. Then the male wouldn't have to know the truth. And they could've played the perfect couple.

It's too late for that now.

Tears ran down Yuuri's face as he watched Viktor kiss the blond woman. She moaned into the kiss and ran her fingers in Viktor's sliver hair. The woman opened her eyes and smirked when their eyes met.

The dark haired male wiped the tears on his sleeve and walked the other way. Every step felt like the male's heart was slowly breaking into pieces. Then voices in his head wouldn't stop.

Yuuri didn't stop walking until he reached a nearby park. The male sat down on one of the benches and sobbed in his hands. Everything that Viktor has ever told him was a lie. All of the smiles, laughter, all of the 'I Love You's'.

His body shook as tears flooded his eyes once more. It was cold outside and Russia suddenly didn't seem so beautiful anymore.

This was just a game to Viktor wasn't it? He was just a game. In reality he was probably easy to manipulate. Viktor doesn't love him, has he ever loved anyone? When did he start lying about everything?

Yuuri then started to laughed, what's wrong with me? He thought before letting out a strangled cry as he laughed and sobbed in his hands. He was such an idiot! After all, who would love someone like him?

He was a fool. Yuuri let out a shaky breath as he removed the engagement ring from his finger. He then placed the ring on the bench, with his hands shaking. Yuuri closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down, he then left the ring on the bench without looking back.

Yuuri closed the apartment door and Viktor greeted him with a kiss. Bitterness filled the shorter male as they moved to the bedroom. He shouldn't be doing this. Stop touching me. He want to leave. However the words didn't come out.

Days past and Viktor didn't say anything about the ring. Viktor would go out at night and come back late. Yuuri slowly stopped asking where he was, stopped sleeping in the same bed as him, stopped wanting Viktor's attention.

Yuuri would hear noises coming from Viktor's bedroom. He didn't even try to hide it anymore. Yuuri paused when he saw Viktor's ring on the counter. The male smiled bitterly, and picked up the ring and threw it out the window. Such a waste of money.

He locked himself bedroom door and cried himself to sleep.

[auritriesreallytrieshard]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin & Yuri Plisetsky, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov (implied), Jean-Jacques Leroy/Isabella Yang (Implied) Characters: Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin, Otabek Altin's Family, Nikolai Plisetsky, Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri, Jean-Jacques Leroy Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, not that angst really, I really need more otayuri, Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Aged-Up Otabek Altin, Established Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, My First Work in This Fandom, Songfic, Based on a aly and aj song Summary:

Yuri finds out Otabek has to marry a woman.

[bladewild21]

Love helping my bud draw out ideas for her fic

[kare-valgon]

Postcard i made for the @yoiangstzine!

You before me au, does this story end the same as the book? who knows.

[aibhilin-atibeka]

Yuuri! On Ice Fic Recs List

Hi there!

In times as these, I've gotten to go through all my favourites again - and decided I'd let you know what my absolute favourites of all the fics that I've read so far in the Yuuri! On Ice fandom are. Beware that I have NOT been going through the fanfics that exist systematically or in any kind of methodic way, so there'll naturally be a LOT of fanfics which might interest me but which didn't make the cut yet because I simply haven't stumbled over them yet.

In short order:

Anything by ADreamingSongbird, really, their stories are amazing. My most beloved ones among those are, in no particular order (all of those are Viktuuri):

amor vincit omnia - fae inspired story, modern fantasy AU.

puppy love - domestic fluff, getting together, drunk!Viktor, student AU.

non te ne andare - angst, lots of angst but with comfort at the end. My advice: read the warnings on this one!

scherzo rondo - domestic comedy, fluff and love with our two boys and their angsty teenager. Yes, Yura is coming over to visit, with a request.

Although, yes, I do have an absolute favourite among their stories. It's their series  "if we want to, we could do what kings do" - The Rules for Lovers being the first in that series. Marvellously written, that one! I'm on my... fifth (?) reread by now. :D

Next, I'm a big fan of the Rivals AU that Reiya has created. The first one in the series is called Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches and it's been translated in quite an impressive number of languages already!

Beside the Dancing Sea is another of my absolute favourites in this fandom and is the first of a series about a Selkie!AU. Viktor's a writer in this one and oh, I can relate to him SO MUCH... also, I like how sign language is portrayed in this one!

learn to love the skies I'm under is another domestic Magical Realism!AU that I can absolutely recommend, especially to the dog-loving readers among us. (I guess I've got a type when it comes to YOI fanfics?)

Also very recommendable is On Online and Offline Love, the first in the series of a Streaming!AU. (yup, lots of domesticity and fluff in that one, as well)

So, that's my current (very short, off-the-top-of-my-head) Fic Rec for Yuuri! On Ice fanfics. :) Hope it's got something in there that might interest you - have fun going through those!

Cheers, Aibhilin.

[rtengu]

Fic preview by @victuurikatsu

My collab with @victuurikatsu for @yoiangstzine

“You should keep this.” Yuuri whispered.

His hands were shaking as he delicately placed the other half of something round and golden in Victor’s hands. The metal still felt warm as Victor clenched it in his fists, trying his best to steady his breathing. However, no matter how hard he tried to focus on filling his lungs, Victor couldn’t deny how much it felt like a punch to the gut.

“But I didn’t…” Victor began.

“I know you didn’t buy them. I looked through my credit card statements and saw I was paying this off in installments.” Yuuri interrupted. He looked sullen and casted his gaze down to the paneling of the hardwood floors. “I wish I could catch up, but everything feels too overwhelming and I- I can’t keep existing here knowing how much it hurts you.”

Link fic on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438615

[victuurikatsu]

Eyes stinging from the tears that wouldn’t stop falling, breath hitching from his inability to recenter himself, hands shaking from the anger and sadness that vibrated through his entire being— all of this was too fresh, too new. This was never something he wanted to deal with, because he knew he wasn’t equipped to handle it at all.

Yuuri had gone off to go for a run and Victor couldn’t help but feel like it was a ironic gesture. He had asked him to end it just hours ago, so where else could he run but further and further away from him?

“Let’s end this.” Victor repeated the words  breathlessly into the space.

He wasn’t sure how many times he had repeated it, but each time he spoke the words out, it sliced at him deeper than before. With every minute that passed, he could feel himself withering away on the cold tile of the bathroom floor in Barcelona.

Victor Nikiforov never would have imagined it before, after 20 years of carefully guarding himself and neglecting his life and love, that the moment he let the barrier down and tried to revitalize his two L’s what would be given to him in return was  being alone and dealing with the weight of his heart being crushed into oblivion.

When the sound of silence was becoming too deafening, he dialed the first number he had memorized by heart. He prayed that the recipient wouldn’t still be mad enough to send him straight to voicemail as they had for months.

“You’re in over your head, Vitya. If you leave you can’t come back.”

If there was one thing he took from those heated lectures, Victor could admit the man was right. He was in way over his head.

A gruff grunt greeted him after three rings. It seemed that today Yakov was granting him grace.

“Are you finally ready to grovel for your return, Vitya?” Yakov answered.

Victor wanted to laugh but what came out instead was a mixture of sputtering and soft cries that he tried his best to hold back by cupping his hand over his mouth.

“Vitya? Are you hurt?”

Instantly, any of the tension and animosity that had accumulated over the last couple of months had disappeared.

Victor sniffled, trying to regain his composure because that was what was ingrained in him. If he broke composure he had to hold it together long enough to fool the world. But he knew he didn’t need to do that with Yakov, yet still he found himself trying to not let him down more than he felt he already had.

“I’m not physically hurt,” Victor began. “But it definitely feels like it.”

He clutched briefly at the space above the white plush robe that covered his chest. His heart was beating erratically and breathing was still unsteady.

“Tell me everything.” Yakov murmured. “But first, breathe.”

Victor did as he was told, following the familiarity of being in instructed by Yakov because it was the only certain thing he was sure of. Whatever Yakov told him always led him to glory, he hoped that the sentiment still held true even in this circumstance.

When he feels ready, he tells his coach and mentor everything that had transpired, right from the beginning.

How half way through the flight from Russia to Japan, he did have an inkling of fear for what he was doing. How exuberant it felt to immerse himself in the beautiful life and culture Hasetsu had to offer. How he bathed in an onsen that was as big as at least 10 regular sized tubs. How he was so fond of the Katsuki’s and their hospitality. How grateful he was to spend so much more time with sweet Makkachin.

“I never thanked you for that.” Victor said. “Taking over as Yuuri’s coach so I could be with her.”

“She’s well, da?” Yakov inquired.

“Yes, that Makkachin, she’s a fighter.” Victor replied, feeling a throaty chuckle escaping.

“Then there’s no need to thank me. I always do what’s right by you, Vitya. And I’m not surprised about her fighting spirit. She gets that from you.” Yakov said.

Victor took a deep breath in and exhaled out until his lungs felt raw. Fighting spirit? He hadn’t felt the spark that that spirit gave him in so long, not until he stared down at shimmering brown eyes that looked straight through him with hope.

“Be my coach, Victor.”

Yuuri…

How could he have known what he would be giving in order to fulfill this simple request.

“I just fought with Yuuri. I called him selfish. I said such awful things.” Victor said, voice cracking slightly.

“Why did you fight?”

“He wants to end all of this...”

What Victor wants to tell him is that Yuuri has made the decision to make good on the rumors about him retiring. But before the word “retire” can leave his lips, Victor can’t help but feel that same pang in his stomach that felt like a boulder had slammed into him.

“Don’t let it end here, Vitya.” Yakov chimed in.

Victor’s eyes widened with surprise. This was the last thing he was anticipating to hear and he wasn’t sure what Yakov was getting at.

“I can’t just force him to change his mind.” Victor said incredulously. .

“No, you can’t force him. But you can do whatever it takes to set the proper course in motion.”

Victor sighed, his mind in a haze from the riddles that Yakov seemed to be talking in. How would he go about trying to change Yuuri’s mind? He had seen the look of sympathy and longing in his eyes. Yuuri wanted Victor to come back to the fold, and he was willing to leave to allow that.

They had just agreed it was only until after he won Gold at the Grand Prix Final, hadn’t they? The only thing that Victor wasn’t counting on was falling in love with him. So in love that even after the Grand Prix Final, he was ready to be with him always. To stay by him and always assure him that he believed in him more than he believed in himself.

Victor swore he would always believe in him. But the heaviness he felt from thinking about not seeing his face lighting up in the center or the rink waiting to be instructed on what to do, thinking about not being met with never ending sass and modesty, not being met with the way he said his name when he was excited, surprised, even serious.

He still believed in him, despite the pain he was enduring. He couldn’t let Yuuri go, but he knew it wasn’t purely his choice in the matter.

“What would you have me do then?” Victor questioned after a long pause, breaking from his reverie.

“Put on your best smile, be brave.” Yakov said. “The whole world is still watching you closely. They will spot this the moment you walk in through those doors tomorrow. You will be tired, and I know how much your heart aches. But bear it for a few more moments, I believe what comes next will work in your favor.”

Victor lets out a breathy laugh before asking, “How are you so sure of that? My heart got trampled on, and I’m mending it all on my own.”

“A man as dedicated as he is to work on a masterpiece of your own doing is worthy of steering back to the course. I don’t know much about this Yuuri, and quite frankly I think he’s been a nuisance from day one. But that’s exactly why he fits with you. The lot of you really.”

Victor could swear he can hear the swivel of a decanter glass with two ice cubes swirling through them on the other end. Yakov must of been nursing the finest bourbon between his fingers at that moment.

“I...I think I love him more than I intended to.” Victor whispered.

“The whole world can see that too, we’re not blind to it, Vitya.” Yakov sighed. “As long as you’re brave, you have the chance to change it all.”

“Have you ever wished you were brave enough?” Victor asked, swirling a circular pattern against the tiling of the bathroom floor.

Yakov smirked before placing his glass down. “Yeah, I did. But now the reminder of how I wasn’t brave enough is just across the hall from me.” He said solemnly.

Victor perked up knowing immediately who he was talking about. After all of these years, despite their separation, could Yakov have still held a flame for Lilia?

“She’s still as lovely as ever. Really needs to work on her permanent sneering though.”

“Trust me, that’s what I always loved most about her. She doesn’t give a damn how uncomfortable she makes you feel. She wants you to squirm.” Yakov said thoughtfully.

“So then why don’t you ...why not be brave now?”

“I think too much times passed by now, Vitya.”

“Maybe not if she agreed to help you with Yuri. Just like she helped you with me.” Victor tried to reason.

“Let’s just get through one crisis at a time okay?” Yakov retorted. “You’re calmer now.”

Victor let in another deep inhale and exhaled out out. The tears that fell previously drying up on his cheeks. He didn’t know how long he had Yakov on the line, but he was comforted all the same.

“Time to be brave now, Yakov. Thank you.” Victor whispered.

“Don’t call me again until you’re ready to grovel.” Yakov warned.

Victor finally managed to crack a small smile before saying goodbye and hanging up. He clutched onto his phone close to his heart and exhaled out any doubt he was still harboring. If things hurt this badly now, he was certain that a part of him knew it was worth fighting for. Hadn’t that been his edge the entire time? Fighting for Yuuri?

When he exits the bathroom, he finds Yuuri passed out in his bed, his hand outstretched to Victor’s bed beside him. Just the night before they were outstretched with their hands up in the air, the ceiling as a backdrop against their hands that they held in front of their faces. They both  marveled at the way their rings glinted sometimes individually and sometimes together. That same ring was still on Yuuri’s ring finger, the glint beckoning him to come to bed.

As he slipped under the covers, Victor cautiously and tenderly clasped his hand into Yuuri’s. The sound of his snoring fills the space, and Victor watches as his chest falls up and down, the curve of his lips slightly from it all.

Victor could be brave, he could walk back into the rink tomorrow by Yuuri’s side and give him everything he had. He could remain the coach he needed to the end. He could pray to God that the end was just a hoax. He could even pray that Yuuri would be skillful enough to break a world record with his free program. But right now, he can only feel how warm Yuuri’s hand feels in his, he can see how his lashes dance against the curve of his cheek bones, and he can conclude that for the rest of the evening he isn’t going to let go.

Not just yet.