#zero context or explanation whatsoever

[ll-again]

I absolutely love this man, but can we please talk about how he looks like Noah Wyle retired from acting, grew a ZZ Top beard, and moved out to the sticks to become the kind of hick who goes to tractor pulls?

I laughed so fucking hard at this

[madnessofthespirits]

absolutely love reading old myths where the storyteller just drops in random information with zero context or explanation whatsoever such as “he fought a wild ox for a week straight”. why did he do that. could’ve just been for funsies for all we know. at any rate he apparently had nothing better to do.

[penultimate-step]

Oshi no Ko 145 Reaction

Live Crow Reaction

I debated if I even wanted to do a chapter react for this one, I did for the last two and this is a series I generally have a lot of thoughts about, but perhaps I was spoiled by how those chapters were deeply concerned with the character arcs for Ruby and Aqua, some of my favorite parts of the manga.

This one instead focuses on our mysterious crow girl, Tsukuyomi. Which is good, she has desperately needed some fleshing out, but....hmm. It feels very strange to go from essentially net zero information to having her whole backstory and thoughts about the other characters dropped on us all at once. The fact that the backstory is so completely out of left field just makes it worse. Like. Okay, so crow girl is....an actual crow? sure, let's go with that?

Would I be taking lethal amounts of copium to think this might be some kind of metaphor? I don't think it is because that would be too misleading for what OnK usually does but like. what is this development here.

I think the main reason this bothers me is because it feels incredibly one-sided. The hints that crow girl's previous life had a connection to the siblings was interesting, and spurred speculation on what the nature of that relationship was, but the actual answer here seems kind of...the least impactful way to go about it? It would have felt Weird and fanfic-y to suddenly introduce a random OC who was important to both Gorou and Sarina in their past lives, given that their isolation and loneliness were kind of key to their characters. But introducing a literal animal in the role feels kind of like a cop out. You want a character who could be seamlessly inserted into the character's backstories, without changing the trajectory of their arcs whatsoever? okay, she's the stray bird they met that time. In essence, it means Tsukuyomi gets to have a connection to Ruby and Aqua, but they don't have one with her. It's one sided.

Which, if I'm being charitable, could be the point - another way to explore the themes explored in previous chapters of people having different views of others. A crow viewing the pair from a distance without even being considered a peer could be an interesting counterpoint to previous thoughts on placing idols on pedestals - a god looking down at people condescendingly, even more so.

By the fact that she sees them as kids, even Gorou, who was in his thirties, it's clear that her view of them might be divine, but it sure isn't objective. But that's getting back into the supernatural elements of the series that I don't have any explanations or context to talk about.

I don't know, I can find explanations and ideas that make me think this could be cool when thinking optimistically but when speaking honestly I'm not super enthused by the execution in these few pages. And this is meant to be a reaction, not an analysis, so even if it isn't super professional of me I'll leave my conflicted thoughts up in the post.

This isn't a terrible revelation, I don't think this ruins the manga forever or anything, but it does feel like a bit of a wasted opportunity right now. makes me feel a little down about the chapter. But this is a serial, there's still time to make this all come together, in many different possible ways. Who knows, maybe in a few months after this arc wraps up I'll be talking about how crow girl is my new favorite character.

[theopolis]

Extremely long, extremely salty Kindred criticism post

Yk the thing about the Kindred storyline is that it failed at being everything it was trying to be.

It wanted to be like DeMatteis' Goblin Junior arc while simultaneously inverting every concept from that arc. Harry is a gentle soul going down a dark path and hurting not only others but himself in the process? No, he's the comically evil mastermind who would throw his friends - Gwen and MJ, who even by his own standards have done him no wrong - under the bus to get revenge! Norman is the looming influence that follows Harry and motivates him to bend himself into who his father wanted him to be? No, he's the repentant, permanently dewey eyed reformed Norman who we're supposed to feel bad for when he gets dismissed and punched around by evil Harry/his demonic clone vessels/whatever the fuck. Peter is the best friend who, despite of course feeling angry and betrayed, believes in Harry's softness and their love and wants the best for him? No, he's immediately and with zero explanation ready to believe Harry is a literal demon all of a sudden and, I quote, "through with helping him". And I don't even think this (later clumsily backpedaled on) change of mind in Peter isn't justified in-universe - Kindred did uh, dig up the skeletons of Peter's loved ones and put party city wigs on them and also smash him with a big rock a couple of times, so there's that. But that's exactly the problem - Spencer set the stage for a story that doesn't actually involve Peter, or Harry, or Norman. He created mostly completely different dynamics between mostly completely different characters, and decided to project that on the the three of them. While also periodically inserting hamfisted callbacks to the DeMatteis stories, as if he didn't just take a giant dump on everything they established.

And here's the thing, even if I did enjoy the idea of Harry forgiving Norman, or the idea of Harry returning to villainy, or the idea of Norman becoming a character we're supposed to root for - which I cannot stress enough how much I don't - the execution of all these ideas was perhaps the worst it could have possibly been. Rushed, convoluted, and hollow.

Norman's sudden goodness is the result of a supernatural, vague process that apparently "freed him of his sin", whatever that means. Like, how do you quantify sin? How can you take it out of a person when it's their moral ideology and conscious choices that make them sinful/bad/evil? What happened to Norman simply reads like brainwashing to me. He is aware he's done something really bad, but he hasn't actually learned anything, and that impression is only backed by the way he talks about his past actions. It's always "oh it's my fault you're like this Harry" and "oh I can never make it up to you" etc etc but does he ever actually recognize his mistakes for what they were? Recognize where the errors of his past convictions lie? Of course not, because Spencer has zero reading comprehension and therefore no clue about the intricacies of Norman's character, his abuse of Harry, or what motivated it, or what he demanded of his son. It's funny how these four panels from a recent What If issue managed to paint a more compelling, if brief, picture of Norman as an apologetic father than Spencer has in a year worth of comics:

Harry's sudden villainy and the way it evolved throughout this story is just a train wreck. He has not had a substantial role in the comics for a long time now, but suddenly he's back AND he's evil! Who cares about complexity? Who cares about how Harry's feeling? Why he's doing what he does other than some extremely vague idea of revenge on apparently both Peter and Norman? Even though he was neck deep in denial about Norman being a horrible father and person at the time he supposedly launched the whole (checks notes) "create clones from Norman's and Gwen's DNA to stick it to his old man AND Peter in the future" plan, which he concocted because he somehow (????) knew his father wasn't gonna stay dead, which begs the question why he was so torn up about it in the first place, and- Look I could sit here all day trying to decipher the whole Gabriel and Sarah Stacy twist. It's impressive what an inconsistent, incomprehensible mess it is considering it was only introduced two issues ago. ASM 74 sort of hinted that Harry was being piloted by Mephisto when he created the clones so they could later become his hellish lackeys? I uhm, think? It's impossible to tell because no part of that retcon makes any sense to begin with. It doesn’t want to make sense because it was written - most likely on a whim - with the sole intent to garner good will for undoing Sins Past. Harry, for this entire arc, was not a character but merely a tool to bait us with an OMD reversal and ultimately do a Sins Past one. And of course, there's the fact that post OMD Harry - one of the only good things to come out of OMD in the first place - was just a clone all along, putting into question how valid all the amazing and inspiring development he went through since his revival was. Thanks a lot.

Lastly, I don't think I have to say how insulting it is to not just use Harry's character as a cheap plot device, but eventually force him to sacrifice his life for the very man who ruined it in every way. The man who abused him since birth, betrayed him on every level, attacked and murdered so many people Harry loves, including almost getting Harry's son killed. Why? Because he’s had a suspicious sudden onset of goodness that Harry has no context for? Norman and clone!Harry have not even interacted for this entire arc, but the sole act of Norman offering himself up to the rabid Kindred twins makes Harry instantly forgive everything he’s ever done. There was no build up to this whatsoever. It’s bad writing. And I don't think the abuse apologism implications of all this are intentional, I think Spencer just thought up the groundbreakingly subversive concept of "what if Norman good and Harry bad" and ran with that. But those implications are there nonetheless, because Harry and Norman's relationship has pretty much always been about abuse, about being mistreated by your parents, about not feeling good enough for them and eventually realizing that you were wronged and you don't owe them anything.

Spencer had Harry, a man who fought for years to rise to his best, most authentic self and fully turn his back on Norman and his legacy, die to save the father who never valued him for that self. And to add insult to injury, paralleled that with Harry dying after saving his best friend who loved him unconditionally. The latter mentioned death being a direct consequence of the actions Harry took to fit the expectations said abusive father had drilled into his head. I feel like that ending explains everything about this plotline.

[womans-armor-workshop]

Shout-out to artist who just dumps bunch of their otp sketches with zero explanations or context whatsoever. Thank you. Keep doing it. I love it.

[uberrapidash]

Okayyyyy, so...

There was a post with a great infographic about gender. I was reading it and I was like, "yeah, this is great, I'm glad to see someone else who thinks so deeply about gender, people don't usually understand this kind of thing," and I was reading to the end and I was definitely going to reblog with a simple "gender" tag.

But at the end of it there was a big fat "nOt FoR wHiTe PeOpLe" with ZERO explanation.

So yeah, I reblogged and was like "Wow, I guess I need to go to jail or something since I'm white and non-binary but I relate to this??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Because there was NO EXPLANATION, NO CONTEXT, just arbitrary exclusion with no explanation whatsoever.

Like, can you imagine someone being like "I love coffee!" and you go up to them and say "I totally get it, I love coffee too!" and they respond like "NO YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LIKE COFFEE D:<"

Yeah, it doesn't make any fucking sense.

Anyway, the post was reblogged and I have this notification...

But the-eldritch-it-gay blocked me so I can't respond.

Actually, I can't reblog the post at all anymore, even from myself or someone else, so I can't add on to it. So here's a link to the post: [LINK]

Someone tell me where it says in that post that this is specifically about two-spirit, and I will admit to overlooking it.

But I scoured it over and over again and even got a second pair of eyes to carefully read it, and I'm like 99.9999% certain that there is zero indication anywhere that this is about two-spirit.

This is a great example of "toxic tumblr culture." Good job! This has nothing to do with two-spirit. You can't just not label it and expect people to read your mind, asshole. That's what happens when you are exclusionary for no reason -- it makes you an asshole.

Sorry not sorry that I have a deep understanding of what gender is and you aren't happy about it.

[derekfoxwit]

Doctor Dorpden’s Critical Tips of Prestige

Note: This post was made with satirical intentions in mind. I’m only emphasizing because I’ve had a couple of comments on previous joke posts I’ve did take it seriously. With that said, here we go.

Tip 1: For starters, remember that when looking at the work, if the Mystic Knee twitches fast enough to punch a hole in a wall, this suggests that the work should be near the lowest of the low. No further development of opinion is needed.

Tip 2: For an equal degree of sophistication, give the warm comfort of nostalgia at least 5 times more chances than the new thing that MAY seem actually poggers.

Tip 3: If you have the anecdote of encountering shitty fans, then use them as a scapegoat for the show they flaunt over being shitty. Clearly, they’re always making the show the way it is.

Tip 4: If you haven’t heard much about a newer film or show you’re yet to watch, there’s an 85% chance that film or show is actually not worth your time. The Father (2020) isn’t as widespread as Joker (2019) for a reason.

Tip 5: At this point, just go for the Asian Artist Dick. I’m actually in the mood to see merit in that because I want to look edgy against cute doodles. Stop attacking Uzaki-Chan, you cowards!

Tip 6: Avoid the electronic tunes. They’ll make you smell like a bum, for there’s no structural in a music album that’s nothing but wubs.

Tip 7: If you see a Tweet that looks dumb, use it as a means of generalizing all the fans of a work as sharing that same opinion.

Tip 8: If the cartoon I’m given doesn’t provide me with mature ideas such as slicing an Arbok in half or fake boobs, then the cartoon might as well be on the same level as Teletubbies.

Tip 9: You know the music is (c)rap when it brings up drugs, regardless of lyrical context.

Tip 10:  Raw mood is the indicator of quality cartooning. If you’re quick to assume the worst in the newest HBO Max original cartoon, then you got thyself a stinker. Same thing if you were super bummed out when watching a new thing, regardless of anecdotal context.

Tip 11:  When you’re not given continuous throwbacks, ensure you’re as reductive and over-generalizing about the works shown as possible.

Tip 12:  If your hazy and imperfect as hell recollection of a children’s film, whether it’s Wall-E or Lilo & Stitch, would describe said film as “too sugary” or “key-waving schlock”, then that HAS to be the case. No meat on that bone whatsoever.

Tip 13: Simpler, more graphic style that isn’t as realistic as old-school Disney or Anime? You got yourself a lazy style with zero passion put into it.

UPA? Who’s THAT?!

Tip 14: Don’t trust anyone saying that western children’s cartoons had any form of artistic development after 2008 (with, like, TWO exceptions). If it did, why didn’t we go from stealing organs in a 2001 cartoon to showing opened stomachs in a 2021 cartoon?

Tip 15: Big booba is always important to the strong female character’s quality.

Tip 16:  Only MY ships count, for they provide me with a feeling of intelligence.

Tip 17: “PG-13″ and “R” rating just simply mean you’re not caring for expressing themes in a sophisticated manner. It’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 18:  In this age of smelly radicals, “Death of the Author” is more important than ever. Without it, this’ll imply that a classic like The Matrix was secretly toxic, due to what the Wachowskis have to say about it being an “allegory of trans people.”

Tip 19: Turn the fandoms you hate into your torture porn. Ask in Tweets to Retweet one sentence that’d “trigger” them. Go out of your way to paint all of them as blind consoomers. That’ll show them, and it’ll show how much more intelligent you are compared to those clowns.

Tip 20: Whatever the Mystic Knee dictates upon the first viewing of a work is what shall indicate the full structural extent of the film.

Tip 21: The mindset of a 2000s edgelord is one that actually understands the artistry of the medium of animation. Listen to that crazy but ingenious man.

Tip 22: Because sheer ambition makes me feel manly, the high pedestal you bestow upon a cartoon work should be based mostly on the mere mention or mere suggestion of serious topics. This means that pure comedy is smelly.

Tip 23: Is the new work tackling subjects that you’ve loved a childhood work of yours for covering? Just assume it’s super bare-bones in that case compared to the older case, for there’s nothing the older work can do to truly prove itself otherwise. Seriously, Letterboxd. Stop giving any 2010s cartoon anything above a 4/5

Tip 24: If the Mystic Knee is suggesting that the work is crummy, then consider any explanation off the top of your head for why the work in question is crummy.

Tip 25: Sexual and gender identity is inherently political, so don’t focus on them in the story. It’s no wonder why Full Metal Alchemist has caught on more than the She-Ra reboot.

Tip 26: Since I got bothered by a random butt monkey type character in a crummy cartoon, I’m now obligated to assume that having a butt monkey will only harm the writing integrity of the cartoon.

Seriously, Mr. Enter....what?!

Tip 27: We’re at a point where pure comedy for a kids’ cartoon is doing nothing but dumbing down the children. Like seriously...... I doubt Billy and Mandy would ever use farts as a punchline, unlike these newer kids comedies.

Tip 28: The difference between the innuendo in kids’ cartoons I grew up on and the ones Zootopia made is the sense of prestige they give me. Just take notes from the former instead.

Tip 29: Wanna make a work of artistic merit? Just take notes from the stuff I whore out to. It’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 30: Always remember this golden rule: If the newer work, or a work you’ve recently experienced the first time, was truly great, why isn’t it providing the exact emotions from your younger, more impressionable years?

Tip 31: If the Mystic Knee aims to break the bones of a character doing certain things (.i.e. having body count of thousands; lashing out to character; etc.), that means the character is bad and deserves no redemption.

Tip 32: If you want me to believe there’s any intrigue or depth in your antagonist, give them redemption, for I am in need of that sorta thing being spelled out. Looking at you, Syndrome. Should’ve taken notes from Tai Lung.

Tip 33: In a case where you’re going “X > Y” (.i.e. manga compared to western comics), ALWAYS CHERRY PICK! Use the recent controversies of the “Y” item while pretending that the “X” item has never had anything of the sort.

Tip 34: BEFORE you bring up those comments that shat on the original Teen Titans cartoon back when it was new, whether for making Starfire “more PC” or whatever.......the DIFFERENCE between them and me is that THEY were just bad faith fools that couldn’t see true majesty out of blind rage. I, however, am truly certain that calling any western TV cartoon from 2014-onward a work that transcends its generation suggests a destruction of the medium.

Tip 35: Based on fandom growth, it shows that any newer show isn’t being watched much by kids, but rather loser adults that act like children. Therefore, there’s more prestige in what I grew with.

Tip 36: The focus on children is bad at this point since the children of today have attention spans that flies would have.

Tip 37: A select few screenshots (or even one) of either a less elaborate attacking animation, less realistic game graphics, or a less on-model image in a cartoon indicates EVERYTHING about the work’s quality.

Tip 38: Consuming or writing media where characters go through constant suffering is little more than gaining pleasure out of it. YOU SICKOS!

Looking at you, Lily Orchard!

Tip 39: Whether it’s a sexual awakening story or just simply a romance, focus on a character being lesbian, trans, bi, etc., then it shouldn’t be in a kids’ work. It’s too spicy for them by default. Kids don’t want romance anyway.

Tip 40: The very idea of a western cartoon with no full-blown antagonist (i.e. Inside Out) is a destruction of animated artistry. Sorry, but it’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 41: Unless it’s my fluffy pillow, such as Disney’s Robin Hood, it should be obligated to assume the inserting of anthros is only there to pleasure the furries. Looking at YOU, Zootopia!

Tip 42: With how rough and rash The Beast was, it shows that he was more of an abusive lover. Therefore, I refuse to believe that Beauty and the Beast has any of the meticulous moral writing that most of Disney’s other 90s films has.

Tip 43: When you suggest one work should’ve “taken notes” from another work in order to do better, BE VAGUE! Those who agree will be shown to be geniuses.

Tip 44: Remember how morally grey Invader Zim was? That really goes to show how little the Western Animation scene has been trying since that show. Really should just be taking notes from that series (and of course anime).

Tip 45: Even if I have a radar that clearly indicates such, hiding the item I look for inside an enemy is always bad, for I refuse to believe it would be inside the enemy.

Goddamn it, Arin!

Tip 46: People struggle understanding your gender identity or pronouns? All there is to see in that is a giant cloud of egotism that reads “My problems” zapping another smaller cloud that reads “other people’s problems”. Seriously, kids are starving, so WHAT if you identity confused someone. Grow a spine!

Tip 47: Stop pretending that adaptations should colorize how a story or comic series should be defined. No way in FUCK can a cartoon or film incarnation become the definitive portrayal of my precious superhero idol.

Tip 48: Enough with your precious “limited animation” techniques, YOU WESTERN HACKS! All you’re doing is admitting to sheer laziness and lacking artistic integrity. Now if you excuse me, I’ll be watching more anime, since that gives me a sense of prestige.

Tip 49: If getting five times more detail than the 2D animated visuals have requires someone getting hurt, so be it. No pain, no gain after all.

Tip 50: Yes, I genuinely struggle to believe there’s this majestic level of layered material without having the most immediate yet still vague re-assurance practically yelling in my face. But that’s STILL the work’s fault, not mine.

Tip 51: Every Klasky-Csupo cartoon has more artistic integrity than any of them cartoons with gay lovers such as Kipo or the Netflix She-Ra show.

Tip 52:  If Sergio Pablos’ Klaus is anything to go by, we have no excuse to utilize those smelly as fuck digital animation “styles” found on Stinky Universe, Suck-Ra or Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turds.

Tip 53: Stop projecting your orientation onto works of actual talent. Seriously, how does Elton John’s I’m Still Standing expel ANY rainbow flag energy?

Tip 54: Hip hop and electronica have been the destruction of music, especially the kind that’s actually organic and not farting on the buttons of a beeping or drumming gadget.

Tip 55: The audience for cartoons has become significantly less clear over the years. We should just go back to Saturday mornings of being sold toys or shit kids actually want.

Tip 56: PSAs for kids shouldn’t be about ‘woke’ content. They should be actual problems such as doing drugs; not playing with knifes / outlets / matches; or acceptance.

Tip 57: The instant you realize a detail in a childhood work that’s better understood as an adult, you’re forced to paint that work as the most transcendent thing in the world. It’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 58: Before you lash out on ALL rich people, remember this: #Not All Rich People.

Tip 59: There’s nothing to gain out of the (c)rap scene other than becoming a spiteful, gun-wielding thug that sniffs weed for breakfast.

Tip 60: Since the Mystic Knee told me to get anal about prom episodes in several gay cartoons, this shows that writing about one’s younger experiences just makes you look pathetic.

Tip 61: Another smelly thing about Zootopia is how it was painting a police chief as stern and exclusive. #Not All Chiefs

Tip 62: Me catching a glimpse of Grave of the Fireflies as a kid and turning out fine shows that you may as well show kids more adult works without worry. No amount of psychological questions being asked will suggest otherwise.

Tip 63: There’s a reason why the Mystic Knee keeps leaning more toward the 90s and early 2000s than most decades. That knee KNOWS where there’s a sense of true refinement.

Tip 64: The BIG difference between rock and electronica? Steward Copeland actually DRUMS. All that the likes of Burial, Boards of Canada, Depeche Mode and several others did was push drum buttons.

Tip 65: One exception to the golden nostalgia is when the work in question doesn’t stuff your face with fantastical, bombastic stories. At which point, there can only be rose-colored blinds covering Nickelodeon’s Doug. Nothing of merit or personal resonance to be found.

Tip 66: Remember that the sense of nuance in the work comes down to there being everything including the kitchen sink, whether it involves multiple geographic landscapes; giving us hundreds of characters; etc. Only through the extremes will I be able to tell there is nuance.

Tip 67: Once you see a joke that has an involvement with sexual or violent content, just ignore the full picture and just reduce it to having nothing to it but “sex, violence, gimme claps.”

PKRussel has entered the chat

Tip 68: With all the SJWs messing up the art of comedy, lament the times where you could be called a comic genius, NOT a monster, for shouting out the word “STAB,” calling a gay weird, painting Middle Easterns as inherently violent, etc.

Tip 69: Guitar twang will always win out over (c)rap beats. There’s a reason your grandma is more likely to listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd than Kendrick Lamar.

Tip 70: Once the Mystic Knee notices a lack of squealing at the video game with linearity, that shows there’s more artistry in going full-blown open world.

Tip 71: Related to Tips 66 and 68, ensure your comedy gets as much information and mileage out of each individual skit as possible. EMPHASIZE if you need to. Continuously spout out your quirky phrase of “STAB” if needed.

Tip 72: Based on the onslaught of TV shows with many seasons and episodes, animated or otherwise, it shows that there’s more worth going for that than simply having a miniseries or a 26-episode anime.

Tip 73: Building off of the previous tip, you’re better off squeezing and exhausting every little detail and notable characterization rather than keeping anything simple and possibly leaving a stone unturned, especially if there’s supposed to be a story. 

Tip 74: Playing through the fan translation of Mother 3 made me realize how much some newer kids’ works just try too hard to get serious. Why even make the kids potentially think about the death of a family member?

Tip 75: The fear I had over Sid’s toys from the first Toy Story and similar anecdotal emotions are the be-all indicators of what kind of show or film is fitting for the children.

Tip 76:  Seeing this British rapper chick have a song titled “Point and Kill” just further exemplifies the fears I’ve had about rappers being some of the most harmful folks ever.

Tip 77: The problem with attempting to make a more “relatable” She-Ra is that kids aren’t looking for relatability. They want the escapism of buff fighters or something similar. This is why slice-of-life is so smelly.

Tip 78: Based on seeing the rating of “PG-13″ or “R,” I can tell that the dark humor is little more than “hur dur sex and guns.” Given the “TV-Y7 FV” rating of Invader Zim, the writers should’ve taken notes from that instead just so I can sense actual prestige.

Tip 79: The original He-Man has more visual intrigue in its animation than any of those smelly glorified doodles found in the “styles" of the 2010s and early 2020s.

Tip 80: It’s always the fault of the game that my first guess (that I refuse to divert from) on how I have to go through an obstacle won’t work.

Tip 81: Zootopia discussing prejudice ruins the majestic escapism I got from my precious childhood films from 1991-2004. Them kids might as well be watching the news. Now to watch some Hunchback after I finish these tips.

Tip 82: There is no such thing as an unreasonable expectation, and there’s especially no wrong way to address the lack of met expectations! For example, if you expect some early 2010s cartoon on the Disney Channel to be a Kids X-Files, yet you get moments such as some girl getting high on stick dipping candy, you got the right to paint the worst out of that show for not being “Kids’ X-Files.”

Tip 83: Related to my example for Tip 82, if you get the slightest impression of something being childish, you know you got yourself a children’s work that does little than wave keys and has basically nothing substantial for them. In this situation, those malfunctioning robots found in Wall-E are the guilty party.

Tip 84: Without the extensive dialogue that I’m used to getting, how can one say for certain there was any amount of characterization in the title character of Wall-E?

Tip 85: Ever noticed yourself gradually being less likely to expect an upcoming work or view a work you’re just consuming as “the next best thing”? That’s ALWAYS the fault of smelly “artists” (hacks really) and their refusal to give a shit.

Tip 86:  It’s obligatory for your lead to be explicitly heroic just so there is this immediate re-assurance that they’re a good one.

Tip 87: Without the comforting safety net of throwbacks, one cannot be for certain that there has been an actual evolution of a series or the art of animation and video games.

Tip 88: Don’t PSA kids on stuff they give zero fucks about. That means no gender identities or pronouns, race, etc.

Tip 89: Don’t listen to Mamoru Hosoda saying that anime women tend to be “depicted through a lens” of sexual desire. He’s just distracting from the superior prestige found in anime women.

Tip 90:  If you’re desperate to let others know that your talking points are reasonable, just repeat them over and over with little expansion on said talking points.

Tip 91: 7 or more seasons of art is better than 26 episodes of art.  EVERY TIME!

Tip 92: Always remember to continuously talk up the innuendo and mature subject matter of the childhood work as the most prestigious, transcendent thing of all time. With that in mind, there’s a high chance that your favorite childhood work will be better known than Perfect Blue (1997), and there’s likely a reason for that.

Tip 93: An art style that gives many characters relatively more realistic arm muscle details will always shine through more than any sort of art style done for “simplicity” (laziness, really).

Tip 94:  Seeing a few (like, even VERY FEW) people show more enthusiasm for Steven Universe over Invader Zim really shows the lower bar that has been expected out of the western animation scene compared to anime.

Tip 95: Electronic music makes less conventional time signatures cheap as hell. REAL music like rock makes them the exact opposite.

Tip 96: If your Mystic Knee suggests that the 90s cartoon being viewed doesn’t showcase a vague sense of refinement or artistic integrity, then every related assumption of yours is right. EVERY TIME!

Tip 97: Doing everything and the kitchen sink for one series or movie shows a better sense of refinement and prestige than any form of simplicity. THIS includes character design as well.

Tip 98: The advent of that Star Wars: Visions anime really shows just how stinky western cartoons have become.

Tip 99:  For those wondering, no, Europe isn’t being counted in my definition of “western animation”. Doing so is a complete disservice to prestige.

Tip 100: If even less than half of these tips aren’t being considered, you can kiss that prestige badge goodbye. After all, I SAID SO!

[stahlop]

Making a Memory (5/?)

Well, here we are. Chapter 5. This chapter was a beast to write. Hopefully, you'll be satisfied with the answers this chapter provides.

Thanks again to my betas, @profdanglaisstuff and @thisonesatellite. I thought they were going to hack this chapter with a machete. Turns out, they wanted me to add a bit more. So that was amazing to hear.

Check out the banner artwork by @gingerchangeling​. There is also artwork by @mariakov81 at the end of this chapter.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1 2 3 4

Ao3

Defeating Gideon had been surprisingly easy, if Emma called sacrificing herself and hoping to God and any other gods that were around that her sacrifice meant she would get to live her Happy Beginning with her family and new husband, despite having just been stabbed in the gut. And thank goodness it was True Love’s Kiss worthy, because Emma really hadn’t wanted to die. And considering that was the final battle, she felt it was the least scary out of everything they’d had to face in the past. The Black Fairy just preened and monologued most of the time, while Gideon had his heart stolen, so she couldn’t blame him for him wanting to kill her (she had immediately asked Belle to put a protection spell on his heart, like Regina had with Henry and she had with Hook after their hearts had been taken, which Belle readily agreed to).

But now life was… well it was normal. And normal was not something Emma Swan-Jones (yes, she was hyphenating) had seen in the past few years. And it was... strange. It was strange living a perfectly normal life with Captain Hook as her husband, who insisted on using the iPad to find healthy recipes for dinner since he knew she would eat Pop Tarts or bear claws for breakfast and Granny’s for lunch. It was weird seeing him just lounging about in sleep pants on the weekends when they weren’t working (thankfully, David still worked weekends for them so they could have time for themselves along with the actual Three Musketeers spread throughout the week, who made pretty good deputies), or taking her and Henry out on the Jolly Roger to go fishing, or any other number of domestic fantasies she’d once had about idyllic life in Maine. What wasn’t strange was after a year of domestic bliss when the stick had shown the words ‘pregnant’ and she hadn’t freaked out about it whatsoever.

Because there hadn’t been any danger in over a year, which was the longest the town had gone since she’d arrived. Nothing, nada, zero, zip, zilch. Just some bad dreams which was to be expected after everything they’d gone through in such a short amount of time. And which had made her and Killian a little more carefree. It wasn’t as if they were getting any younger. She was pushing 32 and Killian was… well, they’d agreed he’d be 36 according to the paperwork Regina had magically made for him. Killian hadn’t taken kindly to being on the closer end of 40, but Emma had insisted that it just made him more worldly, and if they did ever venture outside of Storybrooke, he could freely talk about things he had done in context with his age. And now parenthood was going to be part of that.

“When does it get to the good stuff?” Hope huffed, interrupting Henry’s reading of the epilogue of his book. They were sitting in a tent in the woods only a few miles from where Henry was going to meet their parents later that day. Alice seemed to be having the time of her life, completely enthralled with the sequel to her favorite book, which seemed to be the real life account and love story of their parents and the defeat of multiple villains, until the final battle happened three years after Henry brought her to town. She’d read it the entire drive to the campsite and Hope had discovered she was a very enthusiastic reader. She constantly yelled or gasped or cried at something that happened in the book. Hope had gotten a chance to read much of it last night and the rest when the sunlight filtered into their tent that morning. She’d always been an early riser, unlike her mother and Henry. Hope had to admit it had been a fun adventure tale, (although the first few chapters chronicling the first year Emma had been in the town of Storybrooke had been pretty boring and in the last few chapter everyone seemed wildly out of character), but she wasn’t sure if she actually believed this was a true account of anything, like Alice and Henry did. Henry had insisted that he read the final chapter to them together, so they could understand what had happened.

“Not every chapter needs to be action packed or full of chase scenes.” Henry admonished her. “Besides, don’t you want to hear about what happened after your parents' Happy Beginning?” Alice clapped giddily while Hope rolled her eyes. Henry had always been a bit dramatic growing up, but Hope still couldn’t wrap her head around this whole fairytale business Henry was trying to sell her.

Killian was ecstatic to learn he was going to be a father. Although, after everything he’d been through, the thought of having a child was a little daunting. He’d never imagined he would ever become a father. Of course, he and Milah had discussed it, but having a baby while being a pirate would never have worked. Once she had died he’d never even considered it until he met Emma. And now it had finally come to pass that he was being given the opportunity to become a father. He already knew having a child would be the greatest adventure he’d have in his life.

Of course, when the ultrasound indicated they were not only having a girl, but two of them, Killian’s head went a little fuzzy and he had to sit down with his head between his legs so he wouldn’t pass out (Emma had teased him about it for days after and brought it up to everyone they came across).

Twins!

They were having twins. When he’d finally got his head on straight he picked Emma up in his arms (again reminding her he’d carried rum barrels bigger than her) and twirled her around. He was excited, so excited. Not only was he going to get the chance to be a father, but he’d get to do it twice in one go! His dreams quickly became consumed by little girls with his hair and Emma’s eyes, or Emma’s hair and his eyes. They’d be sailing, play sword fighting, drawing, all the things he wanted to teach them. They quickly agreed on names for the two girls. Alice for his mother and Hope because of everything they had gone through and the hope that had gotten them through. Emma had insisted that they use the names Cleo and Margaret for middle names, to honor two influential women in her life. So, from then on, Baby A became Alice Margaret, and Baby B was Hope Cleo.  For the next few months everything was complete bliss.

When Emma hit her third trimester, her mother, knowing that twins could come early, insisted on hosting Emma a baby shower. Emma agreed on the condition that it was a small affair. No grand balls or carnivals like she was wont to do. And so, on a sweltering hot day in early September, Emma entered Granny’s which had been closed down just for them, to find a large group of women waiting for her. Snow had stayed true to her word and not invited the whole town. Emma was relieved to see many familiar faces, including Ruby and Dorothy who had used the ruby slippers to come to the event, Belle who had brought a two-year-old baby Gideon with her (even though it still freaked Emma out slightly that this tiny child had once tried to kill her), Ashley and Aurora with their broods (they had both added one more child over the past few years), Elsa and Anna, and even Mulan had made the trip, though her girlfriend, Merida, had refused the invitation, Emma couldn’t blame her since she’d only known Emma when she was dark.

Things had been going great. Regina had made her lasagna, much to Granny’s chagrin. Zelena was even giving helpful tips despite Emma having sped up her pregnancy (she reminded Emma that she had done midwifery research when she’d first come to town). It was nice that everyone in town was actually getting along despite the terrifying last few years. Emma really shouldn’t have been surprised when it all went to hell.

Alice gasped so loudly that Hope actually jumped from her seated position on the tent. Her heart had immediately started pounding in her chest.

“Geez, Alice!” Hope said perturbed. “Lighten up. It’s just a story.”

“It’s not just a story.” Alice argued. “We’re reading about our mother. If anything, you should be the one more concerned as you got to actually grow up with her.” She sniffled as her anger gave way to tears. Hope almost wanted to roll her eyes, but she knew how strongly Alice felt about this all being real. Hope still wasn’t sure what Henry’s endgame was here, but she did know that she and Alice were sisters. She knew that with every fiber of her being. But Snow White and Prince Charming were their grandparents? The Evil Queen had cast a spell to bring them all to their land to get her happy ending? Their mother was married to Captain Hook (considering Alice knew her father had a false hand, she seemed quite surprised that’s who their father turned out to be), a former villain turned hero? It all seemed a bit much. She hoped there would be a simpler explanation somewhere down the road, but she was determined to let Henry play out his little fantasy for the time being until he brought their parents to them later that day.

“I’m sorry.” Hope sighed, placating Alice. “Please continue, Henry.”

A swirl of golden smoke appeared in front of them. Emma immediately went on the defensive, a ball of white light forming in her hand. She could see Regina conjuring a fireball at the strange plume of smoke and out of the corner of her eye she saw Granny duck behind the counter for her crossbow.

As the figure in the smoke came into view, Emma took in the mass of dark curls framing an olive face from under a black hood. The woman had big eyes with heavy lids and red lips that almost put Ruby’s to shame. Her burgundy gown seemed out of place for the modern town of Storybrooke, in that it looked like it belonged more in Camelot than even the Enchanted Forest. It was trimmed in the exact same shade of gold that her swirl of smoke had been. Emma realized she’d been staring too long at the woman who had just crashed her baby shower, but she had the overwhelming sensation thrumming through her body that she knew this woman somehow.

“Who are you and what do you want?” Emma growled at the woman who had made no attempt to do anything after her grand entrance. The room had gone impossibly quiet. Even the children who had attended with their mothers weren’t making a peep. Granny still stood behind the counter, crossbow in hand, but she too wasn’t making any comments. Regina still had a fireball ready to go, it’s fire crackling at her fingertips, but nothing else happened.

“I’ve slowed down time.” The woman said with a deep voice, one that seemed as soothing as a lullaby, but chilled Emma to the bone. The voice seemed familiar to her as well, although she couldn’t recall from where. “They can’t perceive what we are doing right now, but that’s why they’re not responding to me and only you know what’s going on.” The woman smirked at her. Emma had the impression she was supposed to be impressed.

She wasn’t.

“I’m only going to ask you one more time.” Emma said, using all her strength to pull her hand back, a ball of magic swirling within. Her other hand instinctively went over her stomach to shield her children. “Who are you and what do you want?”

“Oh, my sweet dear.” The woman said in what Emma assumed was supposed to be a motherly tone. It sounded sweet and calming, but Emma could hear the evil lurking underneath. “Haven’t your dreams told you why I’m here yet?”

A cold chill ran down Emma’s spine as she realized how she knew this woman. She’d been in her dreams!  Floating above her, the woman would chase her through the streets of Storybrooke threatening to take something from her. Something that would…. make the woman stronger, if she recalled the dream correctly..  Emma had dismissed it as an anxiety dream; the woman representing any number of villains that could spring up and ruin her happiness. But here she was, in the flesh, and already Emma had failed to protect anyone around her.

“You asked why I was here.” The woman said, her voice suddenly going from calm and soothing to cold and calculating. It now sounded like nails on a chalkboard to Emma’s ears and she couldn’t suppress another shiver that ran down her body. The woman gave a simpering smile at her. It made Emma sick to her stomach. She still had her magic at the ready though. She was not giving this woman an inch.

“My name is Gothel…”

“Like from Rapunzel?” Emma spoke without even thinking. Gothel turned to her slightly frazzled from Emma’s outburst, but schooled her features back to the smile that creeped Emma out to no end.

“I have never bartered a child for greens, nor kept one in my tower. Nor have I kept a child in my tower to keep my youth.” She said menacingly, her face pinched. “Yes, I have done my research into what your realm thinks of me.” Gothel’s features changed back to look like a woman who would dote on a child rather than hold one against their will. “I am simply an ordinary elemental witch. Content to commune with the four elements and let them use me for what they need.”

Emma did not miss what she had said.

“And what do the elements need?” Emma was quickly losing her patience. And she had to pee. Two babies didn’t leave a lot of room for her bladder.

Gothel smiled at her. “I knew you’d understand.” She practically purred. “It’s not what they need, Emma dear, but what they have told me. Some very disturbing things they have told me, and unfortunately for you, it means that your children are a danger to me.” Her blue-gray eyes flashed almost black. She slowly made her way up behind Emma and spoke directly into her ear.  “This is not a warning, this is an absolute truth. Enjoy what little time you and your children will have together, because I will not let the whispers come true.” And with that Gothel poofed out of the diner in her golden smoke.

Immediately, the patrons of the party sprang back to life, almost speeding up comically. Everyone looked around for whomever had come from the golden smoke, but all they saw was Emma crumpling to the ground holding her stomach and sobbing.

Alice gasped as Henry read the last part and grabbed Hope’s hand, as if the move would comfort her as well. Hope was in no need of comforting. She just wanted to get to the end of the story so she could understand. The story was taking place in early September and Hope knew they were born in late September so there was no suspense if this was supposed to be about their birth. She knew her mother was alive and well, so she knew nothing bad was going to happen to her. This all just seemed... redundant.

She could see Henry staring at her, gauging her reaction. Alice seemed close to tears and Hope couldn’t understand why. She’d never even met her mother.

“So what is this evil supposed to represent, an almost miscarriage? We were born, so obviously everything is okay.” She rolled her eyes at both Henry’s eagerness and Alice’s sadness.

“Wow!” said Henry with a shocked expression that then turned into a smile. “You really are just like mom. She didn’t believe me either.” He looked back down at the book, preparing to continue reading. “Don’t worry, the interesting part is coming up.”

Being at the hospital, not knowing what was happening to her or her babies was the scariest thing Emma had ever faced in her life. And that was saying a lot considering everything she’d faced. But she wouldn’t know how to even look at Killian if they lost their girls. The men had gone out on the Jolly Roger during the party, taking a pleasure cruise, so to speak, so Regina had to poof out to them to let them know what had happened. Killian came rushing into her room, and grabbed her hand, and a fresh wave of tears spilled down her face.

The barrage of questions came from his lips immediately. “Are you okay? Are the babies okay? What did the doctor say? What happened? Is there a new villain? Are you okay?” It actually made Emma’s heart sing, the level of concern he had for her.

“I think I’m okay, same with the babies. Whale just assessed me to make sure I had nothing external wrong. We’re going to do an ultrasound to make sure the babies are good.” She paused for a moment, dragging his hand to her cheek, something that always soothed her. “It seems there is a new villain in town. Her name is Gothel.” He quirked an eyebrow since she had shown him Tangled. Gothel had not been anyone he’d ever come across in his travels, so they’d figured she’d been made up for the story. “She said our babies are a danger to her and she won’t let whatever is supposed to happen, happen. She said this wasn’t a warning. Just the truth.” Her voice started to waiver again.

Killian pressed a kiss to her forehead as she let the tears fall again. How many times was she going to put him through this? How many times was there going to be danger that he could do nothing to prevent from happening? But instead of comforting her some more or telling her everything would be okay like he was prone to do, he stood up, his body vibrating with anger, his hand pulled away and fisted on his jeans.

“I’m going to talk to the Blue Fairy.” He said suddenly. “After Whale tells us that the girls are alright, because they are going to be alright, Swan. This...Gothel... wouldn’t have told you that they’d be a danger to her if they weren’t going to be okay. This was a scare tactic. An intimidation. And I will not have my family worried about some impending doom. We’ve come too far for this to happen now.”  Emma reached for his hook and pulled him toward her.

“Just stay with me for now. We’ll worry about this when we know everything is alright.”

But according to the Blue Fairy it wasn’t alright.

“Well, she’s definitely more than an elemental witch.” Emma and Killian stood in the Blue Fairy’s office, which was covered with large tomes, smaller books, and even a few scrolls.

“So you’ve heard of her then?” Killian asked darkly.

“Yes and no. She goes by many names, Gothel being one of them. Gothel actually means godmother and being an elemental witch means she’s most likely descended from a forest nymph or dryad. Possibly even from Gaia herself.” Emma saw Killian immediately get a worried look on his face.

“I take it Gaia is bad?” Emma asked, suddenly feeling the weight of not finishing high school or going to college coming back to rear its ugly head at her. Killian grimaced and she could see him thinking of the best way to tell her what she was not understanding.

“Gaia means earth in Greek.” He stated plainly. It didn’t take Emma nearly as long to figure out what that meant as she thought it would.

“Wait! You think Gothel is descended from Mother Earth?” she exclaimed.

“I think she’s exactly who she says she is,” the Blue Fairy said before Emma could spiral out. “But I think she’s a lot more powerful than she’s letting on.” She paused and gave a sigh before continuing on. “I found a prophecy in an old book. Probably as old as me. I think it’s the prophecy that Gothel is alluding to, but I need to study it first before I decide if it actually pertains to you. I don’t want to mislead you or give you false hope or false terror if it’s not the correct one.”

Emma wanted to rip the paper out of the Blue Fairy’s to read what it said. She could feel Killian tense up next to her, most likely thinking the same thing. But she calmed herself. How many times had she ‘jumped to conclusions’ before examining all the evidence first? It was one of her biggest flaws when she first started sheriffing and she wasn’t going to start doing it again. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

“Okay.” Emma said, squeezing Killian’s hand to let him know that they needed to let the Blue Fairy do her job. “We’ll trust your judgement. Just let us know as soon as possible so we can come up with some sort of a plan. In the meantime,” Emma said, turning toward Killian. “I’ll put a protection spell around our house, the bug, and the sheriff station.” She turned back to the Blue Fairy. “Do you know of any protection spells we can use on ourselves or the twins?”

The Blue Fairy shook her head. “Unfortunately, protection spells can only protect objects and people within them. And you know from personal experience that they aren’t one-hundred percent effective.” The Blue Fairy said. Emma nodded, remembering her experience with Regina and her mother, Cora, in Gold’s shop years ago.

“Here.” The Blue Fairy said, conjuring up some chalk and pressing it into her hands. “This might help. It’s infused with fairy dust. It may look like glittery chalk, but it’ll have a little more kick to it than a spell and regular chalk.” Emma squeezed it and mouthed a silent ‘thanks’ to the Blue Fairy. Killian gave a slight bow.

“Thank you Lady Blue.” he said before they turned and left.

Hope was about to scream into her pillow. She checked her watch, noting that there was another hour before Henry had to leave to meet her mother and Alice’s father. She wondered if this epilogue would ever get to the point. She still had no clue why she and Alice had been separated and why their ‘parents’ didn’t remember each other. This whole thing was getting more and more absurd by the moment. Now Gothel had been brought into it? She remembered seeing that movie as a kid and not really thinking that Gothel had been a subpar villain compared to some of the other Disney villains out there. She knew in the real version the witch had no purpose for taking the baby except in trade. But in Henry’s version it was seeming like she had no real connection except for a random prophecy. Now she felt like they were veering into Harry Potter territory.

Henry must have sensed her frustration, again, because he paused his reading to stare at her. “I promise, Hope, this will all make sense soon,” was all he said before diving back into the book.

Emma and Killian spent the next few weeks in fear. The twins weren’t due until mid-October and they had no idea if Gothel would come around again. Both Emma and Killian, plus the Blue Fairy, Regina, Gold and David had been trying to figure out where Gothel had come from and how she had gotten into Storybrooke. Once they realized that the waters that came from the well were the same waters in Lake Nostos, Tiny had managed to take some of the burned beans he’d saved from years ago and restore them. They now had plenty of beans to make portals to go all over the realms again, but they were highly regulated by David, Snow, and Regina. People in Storybrooke could travel by portal, but, as far as anyone in town knew, no one from any other realm could travel to them. Usually someone from Storybrooke took a portal to the other realm, gave them a bean and took another portal home. They didn’t want beans falling into the wrong hands and becoming a black market trade item again. Of course, there always seemed to be beans regardless. But, there were only a few select people who knew about Storybrooke. How in the world would Gothel know about them and how in the world would she find them?

While everyone else was working on the Gothel problem, Killian had discovered online that some really rare phenomena were going to be happening in the night sky. “There a Harvest Moon tonight!” he yelled animatedly. “I wonder if it will be orange like a true Harvest Moon or red like the Blood Moon?” Emma loved when he got passionate about astronomy, the man who was once guided by the stars. “It’s also a Super Moon,” He said almost in a teacher-like voice, “because it’s so close to your realm. And….” he paused for what Emma assumed he felt was an even more amazing discovery  “It’s also a lunar eclipse!” Killian grinned widely.  “Even in my hundreds of years, Swan, I’ve never seen anything like this!”. Emma could only hope that she’d be able to stay awake for it.

Killian had just started cooking an early dinner so they could just gaze at the night sky when the first contraction hit.

“Are you okay, Emma?” Killian dropped the mixing spoon and ran over to her.

“I…I think I just had a contraction.” Emma was concerned. The babies weren’t due for another month, but she also knew twins could come early.

“Do we need to head to the hospital?” Killian asked, clearly nervous and concerned.

“No.” She said, kissing him on the cheek. “Water hasn’t even broken yet. Let’s have dinner. Lord knows they won’t let me eat in the hospital while I’m in labor.” Emma was surprised at how calm she was over this. Considering the last time she’d given birth she’d been chained to the bed and not even taken a look at Henry, she was feeling very empowered. Being in charge of her pregnancy the way she wanted to be had a way of doing that. They sat down to eat for their last meal as a family of two (Henry was at Regina’s, but they’d both be at the hospital when they felt it was time to go), when the contractions started ramping up.

“I think it’s time to head to the hospital.” Emma said. Killian grabbed the go bag that they’d packed and headed to his old Jeep Cherokee they’d bought on a trip to Boston.

“That’s what kind of car Papa drives!” Alice exclaimed, interrupting Henry just as the tension was getting good.

Henry smiled at her. Hope was feeling something akin to anticipation. She felt like they were finally getting somewhere in the story with their impending births. She knew that had to reveal something.

“Are you alright, Hope?” Henry asked, concerned. “You’ve been really quiet.”

“I just want to finish the book!” She said through gritted teeth. She really needed to know how this pertained to them, and all of Alice’s disruptions were starting to grate on her nerves.

Henry nodded at her and Alice and continued.

Alice Margaret Swan-Jones arrived at 9:07 on September 27th, 2015. The lights flickered around the hospital on Emma’s final push. Whale had been concerned (once Alice had been bundled up and placed in Emma’s arms) that it could have been Gothel, but Emma assured him that it was most likely her magic, and that the same thing had happened when Henry was born, only she hadn’t been aware it was her magic at the time.

There was a perfect view of the eclipse from the window in their room. Emma and Killian watched as the almost blood red moon traveled across the sky and then disappeared when it was caught in the Earth’s shadow. Emma was glad she had this rare occurrence, plus her new daughter to keep her mind busy while she waited for her other daughter to make her appearance. Hope seemed to be taking her time, and it was making Emma nervous. She knew she could ask Killian to invite Henry and her parents and any other number of people who were anxiously awaiting updates into her room to meet Alcie, but she really wanted to wait until both babies were out. Whale had also started talking about a c-section if Hope didn’t make her presence known soon, as twins usually were born within minutes of each other, not hours. Right as the moon started to peak out from the shadow of the Earth, a huge contraction hit Emma again. It seemed Hope was finally ready.

Hope Cleo Swan-Jones was welcomed into the world at 12:27 on September 28th, 2015. Emma and Killian were astounded when they realized that their girls were born on separate days, but they were just thrilled that they were safe and healthy. Emma had almost hoped her relatives and friends had gone home instead of waiting around, but they were all there, ready to see the newest additions to the Swan-Jones clan.

Henry insisted he be the first to see his new sisters, followed by Snow and David. Even Regina was permitted to hold them, something Emma could see she cherished, being allowed to be part of their family. It was almost three in the morning by the time everyone started to filter out and the Blue Fairy arrived, a look of despair written on her face.

“What is it?” Killian immediately asked. He had Alice in his arms and hugged her protectively.

“The prophecy is as I feared.” She looked down at the floor, almost as if the prophecy she suspected belonged to them was her fault.

“How can you be sure?” Emma asked. She had been drowsy just a few seconds ago, but now it was if caffeine had been put into her IV drip.

The Blue Fairy pulled out a thin piece of parchment from thin air and handed it to them. It was written in an elegant script, something Emma would associate more with a love letter rather than a prophecy.

When the moon becomes red with blood,

And darkness covers the land

Two will be born.

One ere the witching hour and one hind

To conquer nature’s sinister conjurer

By separation will make stronger

And reconciled on the day and night the true harvest moon meets.

Emma read through it several times, not quite understanding. Her mind was swimming from the events of the day and that adrenaline jolt she’d just had was now coming down. She was desperate to know and understand, but she just couldn’t focus at the moment.

“Killian, take Hope.” And she immediately passed out.

“Is it over?” Hope wondered, thinking that was an odd place to end the epilogue.

“Almost.” said Henry, but before continuing on he asked, “Did you understand the prophecy?”

Hope thought about it. “The moon becoming red with blood and the darkness is obviously the Harvest Moon and lunar eclipse,” she said.

“And the witching hour is usually midnight.” Alice interjected. “So it’s saying one would be born before midnight and the other after, just like we were.” But I’m not sure about the rest.” Alice frowned.

“Well then.” Henry said, noting that there were only a few pages left until the book was finished. “Let’s see what we can find out.”

Emma awoke to sunlight streaming in her window and Killian and the Blue Fairy deep in a whispered conversation. At first she was confused about why the Blue Fairy was in their bedroom, but as her arm hit the guard rail of her bed, she remembered that she’d given birth to the twins that night. She quickly turned to see the girls both sleeping soundly in their bassinets to the side of her, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ah! There’s the happy little mother!” Killian whispered loudly and got up to kiss her on the forehead.

“What have you learned?” Emma asked, keen to understand the prophecy and how to defeat Gothel.

“Well, we know this prophecy pertains to us because it mentions the twins and the fact that they’d be born last night on either side of the eclipse during the Harvest Moon. All that business in the sky last night was apparently a welcoming celebration for them.” Killian joked halfheartedly.

Emma shook her head to clear away the last vestiges of sleep that clung to her.

“May I see the prophecy, please?” She asked, holding out her hand for the parchment. The Blue Fairy handed it to her. Both she and Killian tried to say something about it, but Emma put out her hand to stop them. She needed to look at the prophecy and come to her own conclusions before she heard what they had to say.

“Okay. I understand that the first half pertains to our girls, but what about the second half? Nature’s sinister conjurer seems to be a fancy way of saying Gothel. Being separated from something makes her stronger? And what does it mean by a true Harvest Moon?”

Killian stepped forward and took the prophecy back from Emma’s hand. “That’s what we’re trying to figure out, love. The Blue Fairy and I have already hypothesized what it could mean. But, don’t forget, prophecies don’t necessarily mean what you think they mean.” He placed the prophecy down on the side table and took a picture of it with his phone so they could study it more later.

“So what do you hypothesize then?” Emma asked curiously. Her brain was still too muddled to even guess at what the second half could mean.

“Well,” the Blue Fairy began, “judging from her cryptic message at your shower, we think that she thinks your twins can do some damage to her, or vanquish her in some way. Nobody seems to have heard of her in any other realm that I’ve been able to reach out to. And the only Gothel people know of here is the Rapunzel fairy tale, which, from all accounts, seems to have been completely made up and not based in any truth.”

It didn’t make any sense to Emma. Why would a seemingly low-level witch, that didn’t seem to have made any sort of name for herself in either the good or evil camp, want to hurt her children? Why would a prophecy be written about her children defeating this unknown witch, who by all accounts hadn’t done anything to anyone yet?

Yet.

“Have you looked into other prophecies that might pertain to Gothel? Anything about an elemental witch or nature’s sinister conjurer like our prophecy calls her? Maybe she hasn’t turned evil yet. Or maybe this whole thing leads her to turning evil.” Emma said, letting her thoughts take over.

“A self-fulfilling prophecy you mean?” Killian asked. Emma could see his mind working. “Like that Oedipus Rex fellow who killed his own father and married his mother?” Emma laughed at one of the few outside of fairy tale literary references she actually recognized. She was about to say something when a loud wail pierced the air.

“Looks like one of our little ladies has awoken from her slumber.” Killian said, walking over to the bassinet and picking up Alice, who was practically eating her fist.

“She’s hungry.” Emma said, holding out her arms for Killian to put Alice in. The Blue Fairy rose and told them she’d look into other prophecies that might pertain to Gothel. Emma got Alice all ready to nurse when another wail was heard.

“Ready to try and change a diaper?” A nurse said, entering the room. Emma laughed at the horror-stricken look upon Killian’s face.

Hope let out a deep sigh. This epilogue was getting them nowhere, and it was too long. Hadn’t anyone ever told Henry that the epilogue should wrap things up and not bore the reader? But Henry wasn’t paying attention to her, nor was Alice. They were totally engrossed in the story that Henry was reading. Hope checked her watch and noticed that Henry would need to leave in half an hour. She really hoped the story would be finished by then, though that seemed impossible at this rate.

It was two years before Gothel made herself known again.

Two years in which the twins learned to crawl, and walk, and talk, and gained teeth, and grew hair, and had their own little personalities.

Two years in which Snow insisted on getting as many pictures of the girls as possible in matching outfits that she insisted on buying for them.

Two years of Henry writing down every small story that happened and filling books as the author.

Two years of silence in which Gothel was almost forgotten.

Almost.

It was a month after the twins turned two that the Blue Fairy started hearing whispers from the Enchanted Forest about a new evil that had taken root. Just small things at first, nothing she even felt was necessary to tell Emma and Killian about. A spark that ignited a forest fire, but no casualties. Spells that seemed to have gone wrong leading to bad weather, or higher or lower  tides that affected the lands. But then, the reports escalated to the decimating of crops, the killing of livestock, the burning of entire forests. It seemed the ‘elemental’ witch was using the elements to drive out the citizens of what she was now calling ‘her’ forest.

Emma had started having nightmares about her daughters being taken away from her, or trapped in a tower that she couldn’t reach. The worst were the dreams where she and Killian and the twins were separated and she couldn’t find them all to put their family back together. She would cling to Killian crying while he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, reminding her that they were safe, while showing her their sleeping girls in their cribs through the baby monitor.

After one such night, Emma and Killian were rudely awoken by a pounding on their front door. This immediately set the twins off, which is why Emma was very rude when she flung the door open.

“WHAT THE….” she started, but then saw the Blue Fairy standing before her looking as though she hadn’t slept in weeks. Her clothes were wrinkled, her eyes had purple circles around them, and her usually neat and tidy hair looked like she’d stuck her fingers in an electrical socket.

“I’ve figured it out.” She said, not waiting for an invitation into the house, but just barging in and heading to the kitchen table.

Emma looked perplexed as Killian came in holding both girls on either side of him. He handed Hope to Emma while he put Alice in her high chair.

“Figured out the prophecy?” Killian asked, gathering items to make breakfast for them all.

The Blue Fairy nodded.“Everything! Who Gothel is. Why she’s after you. Why we haven’t been able to find anything about her previously!” Emma barely remembered to place Hope in her high chair before sitting down, her mind whirling.

“I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out why and how she came to you two years ago, when she was unknown to anyone. It didn’t make any sense. Even the prophecy I found was written by a seer only a few months before Gothel came to you. And then there was only recent happenings that suggested that Gothel was fairly new, so I went to the Enchanted Forest and consulted with an Oracle.” She paused, Emma inferred, to collect her thoughts.

“The Gothel that came to see you was much more powerful than the Gothel that is currently trying to terrorize the Enchanted Forest. She was able to cross realms and slow down time. Not even Regina or the Dark One at the heights of their power could do something like that. Rumplestiltskin had to get Regina to curse the entire Enchanted Forest in order to cross realms. Gothel, at this point and time does not have the capability to do this.” Hope banged on her tray, startling them all.

“You’re saying at this point and time.” Killian said as he cracked eggs for breakfast. Emma had to admire how he could stay so domestic while being told about someone who was trying to harm their children. “I’m assuming that’s not just for dramatic effect.”

“You would be correct. The Gothel that visited you came from the future. That child she bartered for in her story? Used to make the same kind of time traveling spell Zelena attempted to do. According to the Oracle, she’s been studying up on you and your family ever since she came into possession of the prophecy and figured out who was going to destroy her. It seems she’ll become quite the vicious ruler, even worse than Regina, if that’s possible. She’s trying to recover the land of her foremothers by ridding it of all humans. It seems our theory about her being a descendent of Gaia is true and she’s reclaiming Gaia’s land for all elemental witches because we have destroyed it too much for her liking.”

Emma tried to wrap her head around what the Blue Fairy was telling her. A very sizable foe had traveled back in time for the express purpose of warning her that her daughters were a threat and that she would be coming after them because of a prophecy. She knew she must be missing something, because she was feeling very much like Harry Potter learning about why Voldemort had attacked him as a baby, but having not understood that he fulfilled the prophecy just by going after Harry. Had Gothel shown her hand by warning them?

“So, what does all this mean?” Killian asked, bringing over a bowl of scrambled eggs to the table on top of plates for everyone. He scooped some onto the girls trays and then plated some for himself and Emma, the Blue Fairy shaking her head when he offered her some.

“It means she’s going to try and separate us all at some point, according to the prophecy.” Emma said matter-of-factly.

A grim mood settled over them, the twins too young to understand happily eating their eggs with their hands.

The Blue Fairy bid them farewell and promised she’d do more research into how to avoid the prophecy, but Emma knew that prophecies were usually unavoidable, but could often be circumvented to a degree.

Unfortunately, it was too late.

It was the next day when Gothel came back. Emma, Regina, and the Blue Fairy used all the magic they could to keep her at bay, but her magic was much too strong. She had all four elements on her side to work with, and their magic was not enough to defeat the original source of magic.

After weeks of Gothel beating the town down with rainstorms, hurricanes, carnivorous plants, and almost anything else from nature that could be thrown at them, it was Regina who finally had the idea for them to leave Storybrooke. Gothel’s magic wouldn’t work outside of the town. Emma was adamant that they stay and fight. She couldn’t leave the people that she loved to fight this witch without her. But even her parents begged her to get out of town after weeks of Gothel attacking them. They’d holed up in Regina’s crypt, protected by blood magic, the one type of magic Gothel didn’t seem to be able to break. But because of the high price blood magic required, they couldn’t use it to protect the whole town.

“It’s the only way, Emma,” Snow and David pleaded with her. “We can let you know when we’ve defeated her or figured out how you and the girls can defeat her. Please.” Snow was crying into Emma’s shoulder. Seeing how much her parents were scared for her finally got her to change her mind. She and Killian packed up all they could into her tiny, yellow bug and into Killian’s Jeep. They would head out of town the next morning. Henry insisted on coming with them, much to Regina’s chagrin. But he was 17 and wanted to see more of the world and help protect his little sisters.

Emma was reminded of their goodbyes at the town line when Pan had cursed the town and she and Henry had to leave while everyone went back to the Enchanted Forest. Only this time, she had her husband and children with her, and the Snow Queen’s Scroll to get them back in when the threat of Gothel was gone. She would still be able to talk to her family and friends on the phone, or even video chat. Everything was going to be okay.

Emma had Hope and Henry waiting in the Bug, while Killian had Alice in his Jeep. They were about to cross the town line when Gothel appeared, floating in front of them. She threw a bolt of her magic below her directly onto the town line stopping them in their tracks, cackling the whole time.

“You think you can run from me and my magic?” She threw her head back in a shriek, her black curls whipping all around her in a black halo.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Emma wondered if Gothel had slowed down time again, but she realized it was just the fear of the moment. Emma got out of the car, her magic crackling in her hands.

“This ends now!” Emma said angrily. She was tired of this. Tired of the fear that had hung over them for so long. She just wanted to defeat this bitch and go back to her normal life.

“You wanted to separate yourselves from your family to defeat me, fine! I’ll make sure you are separated from everyone. No one will even remember you were here.” And with that she pulled out a bottle from her dress pocket and uncorked it.

“No one here will remember you and you won’t even remember each other.” The liquid from the bottle had begun to bubble and golden smoke started to pour forth from it. “This whole town will never remember the Swan-Jones family. And you will only know who you leave town with.” Emma’s eyes widened with realization that if they left town she wouldn’t know Killian or Alice, and they wouldn’t know her, Hope, and Henry.

“Emma, Killian, you have to leave!” Regina shouted at them. Snow and David nodded in agreement, tears streaming down their faces. “The prophecy says you’ll defeat her, somehow you’ll figure it out, even without your memories. Now go!”

Emma and Killian looked at each other, both of them now realizing that they would not know each other once they crossed the town line. That their love story would not get a happy ending. And that their twins would both grow up without one of them.

“I love you, Swan.” Killian said from where he stood next to the Jeep, his hand on the handle ready to get back in. “Never forget that.”

Emma nodded, tears streaming down her face. “I love you too. We will have our happy ending.” They smiled at each other, not even having enough time for one last kiss. Emma sat herself in the front seat and the both drove through the golden fog over the town line together.

Emma only vaguely remembered the Jeep that kept up with her most of the way on her trip down to Boston. She was too concerned with how worried Henry seemed to be about their move, probably still reeling from Neal’s death a few weeks prior. She hoped their move to a new place would help him find the peace that he so desperately sought.

Tag List: (Let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@profdanglaisstuff @thisonesatellite @mariakov81 @hollyethecurious @winterbaby89 @jennjenn615 @kmomof4 @superchocovian @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @cssns @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx  @qualitycoffeethings @snowbellewells

[w1986]

Harassment by Russian security services

I got into trouble with the Russian security services.

This happened approximately in 2015, 2016. The original motivation for the Russians initial approach to try and coerce/intimidate me is not known for sure, but it's most likely related to a political blog I was writing here in Finland from 2013 to 2016 approximately. The other equally plausible candidate reason, has to do with my brother, who I think is almost certainly working to benefit the Russians. He is a fairly big chief in the banking business, responsible for a dozen or so banks in the Southern Finland.

What was it like at first getting into trouble with the Russians?

Preparatory phase I believe there was a groundwork phase in this which involved collecting so called "Kompromat" or material to be used in extortion later. This kind of extortion doesn't work on me, due to my personality. But of course they couldn't know that in advance. Anyway, I think I got under surveillance by the Russians somewhere around 2014, but I did not suspect anything at this point, and there was no cue whatsoever that would've aroused my suspicions at the time.

Soft initial approaches or probes The first concrete interactions with the Russians occurred somewhere around late 2015 and early 2016. This involved fairly subtle things like people contacting me on social media and saying weird stuff, but I didn't really suspect this had something to do with the Russians, I only came to realize this later. Additionally in the spring of 2016 there was some in person approaches which were fairly distant, but they were kind of like testing how I would respond to certain things I'll skip explaining this time.

Actual recruitment/whatever effort When I went to this construction school which lasted 2 years it was also attended by an Estonian-Russian person named Andrei. He was first of all a really big guy, somewhere between 190-200 cm, and probably well over 100 kg. He wasn't a jerk or anything, though, but his behavior was a bit strange. Anyway I believe the plan for the Russians was to recruit me, and that it was this Andrei persons task to get it done during this 2 year education. And this involved subtle harassment and intimidation, like veiled threats and such, and they were pretty tricky, like bystanders wouldn't detect it very easily. This was achieved by using material collected elsewhere to substantiate the intimidation, basically hacking my computer and monitoring my online activities, and that sort of thing, provided material to use for the intimidation effort.

This I think didn't go so well, because first of all i suspected something was going on, but I didn't know what. But my initial attitude was that I tried to reject these approaches. Like when this Andrei person would ask me to do something with him, or something like that, I basically politely declined.

Escalation of matters So basically I started thinking that this person is probably related to the Russians and their security services, and later I came to realize the things that had happened earlier, were probably related to the same problem. First of all I started talking to people saying that this person is probably related to the Russian intelligence, like the KGB/GRU type of people. I didn't really know much about the entire topic at the time, but I think the Russians tried to misdirect me and kind of lead me to think that it's about something else. Well this kind of backfired too, coz I started talking about how they're trying to misdirect me, or basically something like that. And I wasn't 100% sure yet, that this was really the correct explanation for what was going on and as I developed alternative theories, like maybe I was just targeted online by some hacker, and the rest is just some weird coincidence.. Well the Russians tried to reinforce that, by trying to mess with me online making it look it was just some random hacker. Except, it didn't look like it was a random hacker, but instead, more like someone was trying to make it seem like that. So that didn't work so well.

This whole thing also caused me some anxiety so I tried to seek some help regarding that. Luckily though, or unluckily, depends how you look at this, I was already rather well-read on psychology and such matters, like I had watched/listened to hundreds of hours of lectures, read several books, and could name various disorders and understood a lot of stuff related to that. I wasn't exactly an expert in that I didn't have a formal degree, but for a random person, I was fairly knowledgeable.

Discrediting strategy So basically when I sought help for this anxiety problem, the Russians picked up another approach, they decided to try and make it look like maybe I was just imagining it, and instead incorporated these aspects into the harassment, which kind of sounded like if you'd try to tell someone about it, they might think.. well is that really what's going on? Or is that just what this person thinks is going on?

So that became their number one approach. Regardless of what I would believe about the case, they wanted to make sure, no one else would believe me. Or at least they'd be suspicious and think there are some alternative explanations to what's going on.

This sort of worked, except, it didn't, because I never really started to question these entirely logical and empirical observations, but it worked in the sense that if I would go through these events only superficially or not to a great enough detail, then people wouldn't understand why it is that I even thought it is the Russians. Like I would literally have to explain details about what this Andrei person said, and what some other person did, and what happened online at the same time, etc.

Literal death threats So the most concrete of all the threats and intimidations I've received, was during a time when this Andrei person said literally the following phrase - although it was in Finnish - "We are going to kill you". So, you might think maybe there was some other reason for him to say that, or isn't that just kind of odd approach for intelligence to begin with? Like they wouldn't be that foolish, would they? But it was complacency from the Russians part, they had this context set up that would kind of work as a cover story, but regardless it wasn't a very smart thing to do. Whatever their approach is, the fact to the matters is, that there's a person I think is probably related to the Russian security services, who I think has tried to intimidate me, who is Russian speaking and ethnically Russian, and who literally told me they're going to kill me. Whatever explanation you're trying to cook up for this, well.. it would be kind of strange that this had nothing to do with the Russians, yet at the same time, this event took place.

There were some other threats but it was more like a psychological game, in which the Russians tried to balance the threat so that, it wasn't exactly clear if they really wanted to threaten me, or was it more like they just wanted to make a subtle enough threat that I could interpret it that way, but when I would try and explain it to someone else, they might be like.. well maybe that wasn't an actual threat, like maybe it was just a coincidence? And so, I didn't think it was with intent, it was more intimidation, without truly meaning the threat aspect.

Contacting the authorities Anyway this whole problem developed several years and there are all kinds of things that happened, which of most I'm just skipping, but basically I contacted the police and the counter-intelligence for the first time in February 2020. So that's already over a year ago, but considering how early this issue actually started, it's quite late.

This is mostly because I didn't want to contact the police. I figured that if I'm dealing with the Russians, my problems might just get worse if I start to make a really big fuss out of it. Additionally I wanted to create an incentive for the Russians to leave me alone, and sort of allow this thing to de-escalate. However, that wasn't what the Russians wanted, and so the things eventually escalated anyway. And I went to contact the police, regardless of thinking that rationally, it's probably not the correct decision.

However, when I went into the police station, the Russians had arranged for a couple of people to wait outside the office and subtly try and discourage me from making my report. Well, I ignored them. The police officer was dismissive and their attitude was that I should probably just leave, until I mentioned that well there was also this literal death threat, which kind of impelled them to have to try and take it more seriously. But anyway, they just gave me like an email address, and I figured that if the police can't handle this case, I mean they clearly had zero structure or policy in place, which would allow them to be capable of dealing with something like Russian intelligence. So I basically just gave up on trying to deal with the regular police. Although I did call the police later, and explained generally what was going on, but they said they can't do anything, because of the nature of the case. Like there's too many people involved, the part played by each individual is too small, they can't really investigate a single person, and they don't know where to start. I mean they just couldn't do anything.

However, I also contacted the counter-intelligence. And well, my first impression was that the Finnish counter-intelligence is pretty amateurish and hasn't even taken into consideration really basic stuff, like how do you actually submit information about a case like this, and they hadn't made it possible, to give information, in a way that was secure. Like basically they said that okay tell us about your case and send us an email. So, like isn't there a small chance there would be a motivation for revenge, from the Russians, if I just start emailing details about their activities to the counter-intelligence?

Also how do I even know that the emails reach their destination? And that the contents are correct? I mean I've had some cyber harassment in the process, which involved my computer being clearly hacked. It seems like this could be an issue.

But anyway, they didn't have a solution for that, and didn't even seem to understand this is a problem. So I guess our Finnish civilian counter-intelligence, just kind of sucks, unfortunately.

But regardless of me being severely disappointed in our society, and in our authorities, I did eventually supply them with some details about the case, and they told me I should supply them more details, which I've considered doing, and for various reasons have sent some emails and such.

[theshinobiway]

The whole Lee being bald thing was just a mean hoax. It was never verified by any legit sources, just a bogus reddit post. There’s been plenty of those.

PSA: Rock Lee isn’t balding! I repeat, Rock Lee IS NOT BALDING! Here’s the Proof!

I knew that not watching Boruto would catch up with me eventually, so here’s me amending my previous statement: There’s no official confirmation that Rock Lee is actually balding in Boruto. 

And BOY did I do a deep dive of the internet for this. Saddle up kids, I’m about to throw on my amateur detective hat and take you for a wild ride through the internet to end this rumor once and for all.

Warning: Long, picture-heavy post where I cross-examine multiple sources.

Part I: The situation!

Here’s a compilation of the screencaps from Boruto episode 58 that sparked a thousand rumors.

Looking at the top-left screencap, we can see a strange rendition of Lee’s hairline. Following this introduction, Boruto and Yurui begin their match. When Yurui unleashes his unnamed Bubblegum-Pop jutsu, Boruto is thrown back. Rock Lee then grabs his hair due to the heavy winds that emanate from the burst. Putting the two together, it looks vaguely like Rock Lee has a strange hairline that accompanies him frantically grabbing his own hair.

Part II: The “Sources”

Okay, I spent probably close to 4-5 hours scouring through different links and articles. Here’s a breakdown of the internet’s say on the matter:

The first major source is from a website called “Comicbook.com” It’s the website that was linked in multiple other copycat articles, blog posts, and forums, and was the first result for any Google search of “Rock Lee balding” (or variations thereof)

Okay, this isn’t so bad. I see that there are sources linked, so I should be able to logically follow the trail back to either an interview or the name of the “book” in question. First, let’s look at where these so-called linked ‘sources’ lead. 

In any part of journalism, linking your sources is the most important step to ensure your audience that you cross-referenced with legitimate sourc-

aaaand YOU HAVE FAILED Journalism 101. 

Hm. despite the fact that this is a Reddit post and not an actual link to ANY book whatsoever, the link’s dead. Deleted. Frankly, this whole search was an endless loop of dead ends, but I was deadset on getting to the bottom of this.

So thus far, I’ve got one lead that wasn’t solved: there’s a rumored “Book” out there somewhere, and it was referenced at “some point.” My first guess would have been a databook, but I’ve read those. Perhaps the one I read had a translation error?

Scrolling through the comments of this Reddit post, I came across this:

Important context clues here: It’s not stated in a Databook. That means Naruto’s Jin no Sho, the Fourth official databook, is NOT the source of the rumor. Also, I was able to find a scanlation of Rock Lee’s page for the very same book here:

Rock Lee’s balding also certainly wouldn’t mentioned in any of the previous databooks where Rock Lee was, y’know, a teenager. All four official databooks are off the table.

Secondly, the link posted by user “Hydrobolt” leads to a twitter post with the following:

No sources, no reference to a book, nothing. Except for a few screenshots of Boruto Episode 58. I’ll discuss these shots later, but this appeared to be yet ANOTHER dead end. (Also, this twitter thread has ZERO links or sources!)

I can see why the post was deleted by the mods, but this was troubling: Did this whole rumor start from ONE twitter post from a shipper (that had single-digit likes/reblogs?) 

I didn’t think so. Even if this random tweet was picked up by a semi-popular media outlet, I still needed to answer the following questions:

What was the “book” that supposedly had Kishimoto’s confirmation? Did it exist, or was it a bluff?

Where could I find a scanlated (and hopefully English, though my husband speaks Japanese) version of the Rock Lee page?

Part III: The Search for the Non-Databook “Book”

Even if it wasn’t in a databook, there are multiple interviews and exo-textual sources that can be used to glean information about the characters. I knew I wasn’t looking for an interview–in part because the key was “book,” and also because Kishi has only given a set amount of serious interviews in the past, and most of those are available in translation. Thus, there might have been a storyboard, book, or some other source that was exclusively released that might hold this information.

The most promising lead was from a site called narutoforums.org

The original post:

Okay, first, there’s no actual link on “here”. That’s a major red flag, especially given that the post is currently only a year old (posted 7.27.18) 

And it’s yet another dead end.

…Sigh.

But wait!

User “Platypus” mentions that the source was a ‘movie booklet that’s been out for three years.’ That’s a lead!

A movie booklet, huh? Here we go: Sometimes, highly-anticipated animated movies are released in Japan with exclusive manga chapters or other easter eggs, as well as other goodies.

So, let’s talk about this unnamed “Movie booklet” – Three years prior to 2018 would have marked the release of the Baruto movie in 2015. That means the booklet would have been this one: Zai no Sho

This was the most difficult piece to dig up information on. The booklet in question was only released in Japan and during the original premiere of the movie in 2015. I couldn’t initially find scalations, so I did the next best thing: Looking for a table of contents. Good ‘ol Naruto wiki was here to save the day.

Boom. It even has page numbers!

Now, I had a supposed book source and even the page numbers. All that was left to find a translation. After some deep digging, I found one—right here on Tumblr via user Emotionalrockfish.

This was the moment of truth! I opened the link for Rock Lee’s page and carefully read over the description…

Rock Lee

Tireless effort and ambition! With his hot-blooded passion, he guides a genin!!The leaf village’s pride, an expert of taijutsu. He possesses absolutely no skill for ninjutsu, but refines his taijutsu by exceeding the limits of effort with the gutsiness he inherited from his master, and does nothing but aim high. He and his son, Metal*, absolutely can’t miss their daily training!

*Metal Lee is shortened to just Metal here, so no, he’s not called Lee like his father.

(*Pterodactyl screeching*)

AND THERE IT IS: After a whole trail of vague suggestions and dead links, I‘d finally come to the final source material. And there’s nothing! Nothing there that even remotely mentions Lee’s baldness!

N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

Conclusion: RUMOR UNSUBSTANTIATED

Part IV: So where did this rumor all start? And what’s with “that” scene?

The Situation Unfolds: The whole situation is from Boruto, Episode 58: The Tournament Begins! The wind in this scene is shown to originate from Yurui’s jutsu.

The bubblegum pop emits a wind blast, throwing Boruto back. The very same blast tussles Lee’s hair.

It’s an obvious gag, but not about Lee: it’s meant to convey the sheer strength that emits from Yurui’s bubbles popping. This is a common trope in anime: Character emits a powerful attack, the audience sees/feels the “force” from the fallout wind. 

The audience now knows that there are some stakes to Yurui unleashing his gum-based jutsu, because the force of the blast not only throws Boruto back, but can also reach a good distance away to where the proctor, Rock Lee, was standing. 

Further Explanation: It’s also fairly obvious that Boruto (and Ikemoto’s style) deviate from Kishimoto’s, so we should expect some variation in character appearances outside of the expected “age-up” factor.

Here are some original renditions of Lee with his hair (flying) up and his younger self’s hairline:

In Part I, we see that Lee’s hair falls into a widow’s peak. Then, in concept art for the Naruto: The Last, we see a far less defined peak—in fact, the hairline is decidedly square-shaped.

Then, finally, in the Boruto animation, Lee’s hair is almost circular (but also shown from an extremely tilted perspective.)

So we see a distinct transition in the actual SHAPE of Lee’s hairline in conjunction with the evolution of SP/Kishi/Ikemoto’s style. A story written over at least 17 years and spanning over three different series has a change in style? More likely than you think.

Conclusion: It’s a change in the animation style and a throwaway gag aimed at emphasizing the fallout wind from Yurui’s jutsu. Nothing more.

I rest my case, Pumpkin OUT!

[bnhatrashdumpster]

when i’m lurking around in the fandom, seeing wild claims without explanations to back them up just pisses off my inner debater.

so i saw a post that said people cannot write fanfic where midoriya and bakugou are friends because that “erases abuse”... yeah. no clarification, no elaboration, was given after that one statement.

i did the respectful thing and inboxed the op of the post, where i tried to get a clear explanation. but all they had to offer was reaffirming that it erases abuse (what kind of erasure is still not apparent), and say that it’s harmful to the “people affected” (who?) beyond “semantics”.

you can’t engage in a discussion if the terms, or “semantics”, aren’t even properly defined. i proposed two reasonable definitions of “erasing abuse”: either they’re referring to the events that happen in the fanfic itself, or in canon. it seems like the context of the op’s original post extends to all types of fanfic, whether it’s canon compliant or set in an alternative universe, even ones which don’t involve quirks. now, the cause of conflict between these two characters obviously stems from their different quirks, or lack thereof. in a world where this doesn’t exist, there would not be any abuse to erase in the first place. and i did not say this to the op, but it’s unlikely that even normal bullying would go on here? as both midoriya and bakugou wouldn’t have circumstances which push their personalities to become as nearly as extreme, they’d actually be rather similar- determined and hard working- and could work together well enough as classmates, if not friends.

op replied to my message by (finally!) clarifying that they meant canon abuse would be erased. i asked how, when fanfic has zero bearing whatsoever on canon. they said it’s “plain disrespectful”, makes them “uncomfortable as a survivor”, and then accused me of being an abuse apologist.

now, at this point, i’m pretty pissed. you should never personal attacks in any debate/discussion, much less over the internet, since 1. you don’t know shit and are probably making gross assumptions (they did it based on 2-3 pieces of art of midoriya and bakugou as childhood friends i reblogged on my side blog) and 2. the qualities of whoever is making the debate is absolutely. fucking. irrelevant to the point. i could forward this entire post to the hugest abuse apologist in the world, and it wouldn’t change the argument made by a single word.

i proceeded with how alternate universes, and fanfics as a whole, predicate their entire existence on a canon one. the fact that someone makes fanfic about these two characters as friends in a quirkless au is because they’re acutely aware that it’s not how it goes in canon. in fact, people who make and consume this content are the ones who are most aware that the abuse exists, and therefore would want to imagine a scenario where it doesn’t.

like, seriously, who’s op to gatekeep people on what they could write and read in fandom? i’d get it if consumption of fanfic actually somehow alters readers’ memories and perceptions of canon that drastically, but it doesn’t, and it never will, because people are fans of the canon first and foremost before they seek out fanfic.

i decided to end the discussion on a peaceful note, wishing op a good day. they did the same until two days later, when i liked a post on their blog and they accused me of “interacting with them without their consent”. and they just had to do it in the most cowardly way- calling out the username of my sideblog without tagging. at that point, i did myself a favor and got the fuck out of there.

[bigskydreaming]

Not to be super dramatic or anything, lolol, but just one, just one multi-chapter “bringing Jason back into the family/derailing the worst of the UTRH events” fic that mentions Dick killing the Joker because he mocked Jason’s death.

Just one for the love of Batcanon please can we have just one, lololol.

Like, I’ve read one-shots where they discuss it, and some of them are great, but in all my searching I have never found a single full ensemble family fic specifically about reuniting Jason with the family, that so much as acknowledges that Dick grieved for Jason enough that he beat the Joker to death with his bare hands for making light of Jason’s death.

Jason may have focused on Bruce not killing the Joker, but ultimately he just wanted to feel that someone cared that the Joker took Jason away from his family.

And Last Laugh is literally the single most relevant piece of Batcanon in terms of that single most definite want Jason has!

It absolutely kills me that its been minimized and ignored as much as it has. And for the life of me, I can’t come up with any explanation for that other than people just not wanting Dick and Jason to have the kind of rapport that could organically develop from Jason having that single relevant piece of evidence that proves his older brother does in fact love him very much, and always did.

Gaaaaaah. And the thing is, its not even that I begrudge people liking Jason and Tim’s dynamic and wanting them to be close. But when so freaking many of the ‘bring Jay back to the family’ fics focus on the kid Jason resented so much for replacing him he beat him half to death, being the one who most easily and naturally forms the strongest connection to Jason...while ignoring any and all instances of canon that acknowledge the actual canon history of Dick and Jason that would bring up the question of why Dick doesn’t seem to care now....it just feels weird. And I’ve looked at the narrative situation enough times that I feel pretty confident its not solely my character bias making me think that, y’know?

Its like......idk, maybe its the fact that Tim has plenty of reasonable justifications for being the one whose initially wary of Jason’s return and takes a little while to warm up to him post UTRH and feel confident Jason no longer wants to hurt him....so it in no way reflects badly on Tim at all, for him not to be the one taking point on trying to bring Jason back to the family.

Similarly, having Dick be the one to take point in no way minimizes the potential for Jason and Tim to then go on to form a strong bond of their own as well. Nor would any such bond between them be lessened by an equally strong one existing between Jason and Dick....anymore than they’d be incapable of forming strong bonds if Jason had never died and Jason and Dick’s bond just pre-existed on the basis of knowing each other longer than Tim.

By contrast, pointedly keeping Dick ‘out of the way’ of Jason and Tim being the ones to develop a strong initial bond due to Tim taking point on bringing him back to the family fics....DOES minimize the potential for Dick and Jason to ever go on to have equally strong ties after that point, because based on that specific narration, there will always then be the question of why didn’t Dick take point in that, or the fact that Dick does have less justifications than Tim to be wary of Jason and more reasons than Tim to try and bring Jason back into the fold.

So inevitably, sidelining Dick to any extent during that kind of storyline does bring into question the legitimacy or strength of any bond Jason and Dick form after Jason’s return to the family, and casts doubt on the validity and strength of any ties they felt before Jason’s death as well.

And the thing is, it would be one thing if the canon was just an equally clean slate where all characters were concerned.

IF Dick really was as aloof and/or a jerk to Jason in canon pre-ADITF as fanon makes him out to be. IF there were extended storylines about Tim being the sole one with hopes of Jason returning to the family, rather than just the one storyline about helping him escape Blackgate, which Jason immediately turned around and killed more people, the one thing Tim had asked he not do, in exchange.

IF there weren’t stories with Dick begging Jason to let him help. IF the Arkham thing really DID follow the fanon narrative where Dick callously tossed Jason into a cell next to the Joker, instead of the canon context where Dick specifically said he put Jason in Arkham to keep him out of general population for his SAFETY, Joker was nowhere near Arkham at the time, and Jason specifically stated his biggest complaint with his time in Arkham was he was bored.

IF Brothers in Blood didn’t end with Jason acknowledging that he had always considered Dick family. IF Last Laugh didn’t exist as pointed proof that the one and only time Dick has broken the Batfam’s cardinal rule himself, it was Jason’s murderer, after bringing up Jason’s death to him.

But when any and all of those things have to be completely disregarded in order to craft a narrative that posits Tim being the only one willing to reach out to Jason, and posits that Dick doesn’t have any strong feelings about Jason other than guilt for not being a good enough brother or whatever....

Like, I really don’t think its just character bias that makes me say the dynamics that result from that are always going to feel a bit stilted and awkward....because not only do they disregard pivotal canon events....they disregard the actual characterizations that led to those characters acting the way they did in those canon events.

*Shrugs* It just makes those stories feel disjointed and yeah, a little petty, because its like trying to force specific dynamics through a mold that’s based on the actual shape of the characters....and thus with stuff inevitably getting trimmed off around the edges and left behind. Because those specific dynamics/characterizations don’t actually FIT the narrative they’re trying to be pushed through.

Again, like I said, it’d be one thing if canon events like Dick killing the Joker just never ever happened and it was a fairly even playing field in terms of what characters make the most sense to play certain roles in certain specific narratives.

But when your narrative revolves around Jason initially still being estranged from his family because he remains convinced nobody cared enough to avenge him....but said narrative makes zero mention whatsoever about the very much did happen story where Dick....cared enough to avenge him....

And this pattern persists in dozens of stories about this particular premise, with practically no exception I can think of....

Like, there’s something off there, lmao, and I really don’t think its just my own character biases making me feel that way.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend season four full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

100% (seventeen of seventeen).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

47.22%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Thirteen, distinctly over half, and with nine of those hitting or exceeding 50%, and two of those making it to/over the 60% line.

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero, unsurprisingly.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirty-nine. Sixteen who appeared in more than one episode, five who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Forty-three. Twenty who appeared in more than one episode, seven who appeared in at least half the episodes, and one who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

Nothing to write home about. It isn’t devoid of good qualities, but it also isn’t half as good as it seems to think it is, and it rarely makes any genuine effort to try (average rating of 3).

General Season Quality:

Patchy. Never regained the highs of the series-best third season, though it showed some potential now and then; likewise, never dragged down the way the show did at its worst in series-low season two, but still definitely wandered in that direction time and again. Comes to a conclusion as predictable as it is boring.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

Ok, since full-season reviews for the final season of a show have a tendency to take on strong full-series overtones, I’m gonna keep this simple, and just focus on the way the character’s storylines came around (or didn’t) by the last episode. Considering that they used that abominable time-skip technique to neatly skip major developments yet again, they made it very easy to reflect on what the narrative has positioned as core to the character’s lives.

First, a note on time skips: like any technique, they have their place in a storyteller’s toolbox, and it is completely possible to use them to strong effect. Time skips, in and of themselves, are not the devil, nor are they automatic signs of lazy storytelling - they just need to exist for a good reason. Having serious changes take place in the interim, and dropping the audience into the chaos on the other side so that they can unravel all that change and work out how things developed and how they fit together now after the fact? Great use of a time skip, because it still uses the interim developments for active storytelling, and drives viewer engagement by making you pay attention to put the pieces together. There’s heaps of potential in that, plus you can bring vitality to plot development that might actually have been laborious to watch in real-time; when viewed in retrospect, it can become much more interesting than it would have been as a chronological thread. The two big time skips we had in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend? Categorically not that. The first one, in season three, was essentially a way of going ‘nothing interesting whatsoever happened in these character’s lives for eight entire months’, which is just abysmal storytelling, and the only real explanation for why they bothered with the time skip at all was that they wanted to fast-track the pregnancy plot (which, I’ll say again, I am still really disturbed by - it meant declaring that absolutely nothing that happened - for Heather, as a pregnant person, or for Darryl as an expectant parent, or for Rebecca as the egg donor who never really addressed her own feelings about her decision (this season limply acknowledged that in one episode, but you know what would have been better? The inclusion of emotional ups and downs over time! It’s only EXACTLY the kind of thing which is deeply pertinent to Rebecca’s mental state!) - none of it was meaningful enough to be worth telling a story about, and that’s depressingly lazy and insulting to the characters, frankly, and NOT just because of my own pregnancy-related feelings). Skipping eight months of your own story without using that missing time for anything is ridiculous (and if you don’t want to waste time on a plot thread, don’t include it in the first place - since the entire baby storyline came to a big zero on character and narrative development anyway, they might as well have not bothered pretending). The entire year they time-skipped in the final episode of this season? Kinda the exact same problem, even though they did include little flashback scenes this time to pretend that anything meaningful happened. If it actually mattered, you shoulda built it into the course of the actual season, instead of handwaving it in at the eleventh hour without any development or fallout. This is not how storytelling works.

And what did we get as the sum total of our character development in the time-skipped year, what action was jumped over and then treated as the culmination of each individual’s life and time on the show? Well, Josh got a new serious girlfriend. One of the better characters on the whole show, a highlight when there was sometimes little light to be had, and he...got a girlfriend. Wow. Josh’s story really went places, huh? Nathaniel? Quit his job and went to work at his favourite place, the zoo, which is a much more interesting development and easily my favourite one, but also, they didn’t build towards that at all. You could be forgiven for forgetting that Nathaniel likes going to the zoo when he’s sad, because that was just a bit from a song one episode, long ago, and the show never reinforced his interest in the zoo outside of that. Objectively, I love this as an end-place for his character, but in the context of his development on-show, it’s kinda out of left field, they did not incorporate it in to his narrative the way they should have if they were gonna use it in this way. Similar problem: Paula, whose Great Achievement was bringing pro bono work to her firm, only, we’d never had any real indication that she was passionate about it before, it was just something she started doing to support Rebecca. This doesn’t feel like a development that actually has anything to do with Paula at all, and it certainly doesn’t bring things around on any part of her personal plot in a way that could be considered meaningful. Valencia finally gets to be engaged, she makes it happen for herself by being the one to propose, and that’s nice but hardly less of a bland culmination than ‘and Josh has a girlfriend’. Darryl’s relationship and child-in-the-making is also ho-hum, and kinda reinforces the idea that they coulda just skipped the stupid Hebecca plot since it was seemingly just a way to preoccupy Darryl while they couldn’t come up with any real story for him, only to have his story end with achieving the same thing he had already spent the previous season achieving, just with a partner involved this time. Heather, Hector, White Josh? No meaningful developments, they were never important. Greg? Something restaurant related? I literally can’t even remember already, that’s how much I don’t care. Why was he even here? Nope, still don’t care.

And then of course, Rebecca. She sure did ‘resolve’ her BPD as a plot point by taking medication, so, not impressed by the way they handled that in the end, and in the meantime she finally realised that her happiness was not and should not be defined by relationships and that she should pursue the things in life which actually make her happy within herself, and that is...exactly the basic conclusion that I assumed this show would come to back when it started. I somehow foolishly thought they would have to have something more up their sleeves than ‘don’t define yourself through your relationship with someone else’, especially after they doubled and tripled down (get it, tripled? Because of the three guys?) on the idea that romance was part of the endgame for Rebecca, literally to the last episode; turning around and pulling a ‘but romance isn’t the most important thing!’ after THAT MUCH time and energy spent on forefronting it in the late stages of the show doesn’t feel like some kind of clever twist, it’s something really obvious that the show had various leaned on at other points in its run, only to return to the romantic centre with a greater and greater vengeance. By this point, blowing off the romances with all three of these other characters that Rebecca had already blown off - numerous times! - in the past isn’t some revelation of character development, it’s just pattern repetition. For the sprinkling of other plot threads they wrapped up for Rebecca this season, each of them applauded to some extent for whatever catharsis they brought, this ultimately ended her story in the most redundant of ways, placing at the core of her story the very same thing that the show had already denounced and restored time and time again. But anyway. This all sounds awfully series-review-ish. The moral of the story is, I hated the final episode with a passion and it made me feel like the entire show was largely pointless viewing, and that’s unfortunate because there were various glimmers of thoughtful wrap-ups across the rest of the season. Anything else, I guess I’ll talk it out in the only place left for it: the full series review.

[roombagreyjoy]

people are hating on Theon for what he did in the last episode and I'm so mad. he's obviously still struggling a lot. and also, what choice did he have? he could have never beaten Euron, so he would have ended up dead. In vain. let him live, literally. he probably still feels like he has to make it up to the Starks so maybe he's gonna join them.

Oh. My. God. This is going to be a long ass post, so prepare yourselves. Also slight hints of anger and butthurtness from my part. Sorry!

First of all, I’d like to say that I actually got into a serious argument with a so-called friend over this entire scene. She said with zero context whatsoever: “dude, I fucking hate Theon more than I ever have. At first I was alright with you liking him but I don’t even want to see him anymore. He’s the worst”. So I obviously got mad. When I asked her what he was to blame for, she exposed these issues.

1. “He is a coward for abandoning the ship”; I replied I would have totally done the same. He is a survivor, he has not gone through this much to give up and drop dead now. Seriously. Any sane person would have done the same. Don’t lie to yourselves thinking you would have played the hero because only a VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE of people would have (and they probably would have died). And I doubt any trauma survivor (ahem Theon ahem) would have.

Seriously, people, he kind of even went back into his Reek state again. Here are the facts that prove it (that are basically Alfie Allen’s superb acting. What a guy, my goodness)A) His eyes. Full of fear and anxiety. Seriously. Just look at him. He looks like he’s about to shit himself. Literally.B) A change in his breath. He starts having trouble to keep a normal breath (as if he’s having an asthma attack, kind of. Trust me I know what I’m talking about)C) THE FUCKING NOISES. THEY’RE THE SAME SMALL LITTLE WHIMPERS HE MADE WHEN HE WAS REEK. HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE IF THEY LITERALLY LOWER THE BATTLE SOUND FOR YOU TO HEAR. Duh.

No victim abuse could have possibly stayed back and fight, especially if they knew they couldn’t win.

Because they could not win, and he was not the only one that knew.

I have rewatched the scene a couple times and I noticed that when Yara is up deck she sees the fire blasting and burning their ships. She sees her men get slaughtered and she seizes the numbers. They were going to loose. She knew this, but she couldn’t surrender (obviously) so she did what any ironborn (who then again is not an abuse survivor who is going back into Reek state, bo-hoo) would: keep fighting until the end. Why is that? Very simple: she sees her armada get destroyed (although that’s not exactly how naval battles were, but cinematographically it’s amazing to watch) she is blinded by rage at the sight of Euron. Seriously, she jumped over to try and get a hold of him even though this would mean she would have possibly landed badly and had no time to recover and get into defence position again until it was too late and the enemies would get to attack her (which is exactly what happened, duh)

War is messy and Yara had no time to think with a cool mind. But she is a warrior, she kind of was supposed to? Her heart was on fire and she was blinded by both rage and fear of losing. She should have kept a cold head but at the sight of Euron she just couldn’t. It’s understandable, and undeniably what happened here. (While Euron is a great warrior used to fight on board and not only that but enjoys the fight. He was having a grand time hunting them let’s be real)

Anyway I think it’s time to move forward to the next point.

2. “Yara cured him of the abused suffered by Ramsay.”

“And how exactly did she do that?” I asked.“She talked him out of it,” my friend said.

Oh, yes, that’s it. She talked him out of it. On the tavern scene. When she’s looking for some ass (not to blame eh that’s some nice ass) and trying to make it quick so that her brother would “man up” and just “get over it” because she was tired of seeing him cower like a beat dog. I do remember that scene. Oh, yes, the memorable scene in which years of abuse are cured by the so-called “kind” words of a lovely sister.

I want to get one thing straight and that is: I love Yara Greyjoy. (And I hope she’s alive) I don’t blame her for anything. She is one of my favourite characters, seriously. But she’s not a soulful person and she can’t and presumably have not given Theon the support he needed, sentimentally speaking.She is a warrior and therefore she’s not made to comfort people. She is rough and strong and that’s why she has a hard time understanding what Theon went through. Even if we presumably got more brother-sister moments in which she tries to comfort Theon, it is obvious the trauma is far from gone.

Yes, he can fight already, and I’m so happy to see him do it, just like any other ironborn. But being able to fight and overcoming mental trauma are two very different things.

Theon is still getting over Reek.

A GOOD EXAMPLE IS WHEN ELLIA SAND asks (more like commands him but hey it’s whatever) him to get her more ale and he, after a moment of hesitation, takes her cup and submissively refills it.“He’s not a servant,” Yara says. But Theon brushes it off and simply replies with an “it’s fine” in a low voice.

He may hesitate but his almost immediate response is to obey. Years of abuse and submission have their repercussions, you know? (And no, they cannot be cured just by some sweet talk. It takes time and Theon obviously hasn’t had it)

3. This is something I added, from the books. I know D&D don’t pay attention to them but I do. So here it’s my last point to it.

Theon is scared shitless of Euron.

That’s it.

In the books he says it sometime and he describes Euron as anything but nice. He is terrified of him.

Not only in tbe books but on the show we see the clear effect Euron exerts (exerts? idk English is not my native language so beg pardon for the mistakes) on Theon. He just stands there, contemplating him in fear.

On season six we see he stays still like a stick when Euron approaches him, and so does when Euron has Yara. He doesn’t know what to do, he can’t bring himself to move. Friendly reminder that Theon, as a kid, grew up on an abusive environment even before he ever went to Winterfell. He is terrorised. There is no way he could have stood up to his uncle all alone.

Moreover, the only person with whom he could have possibly stand up to Euron up to this point is, newsflash, in Euron’s hands with a weapon on her throat. (And I still love Euron. What a great guy. No, this isn’t sarcasm, I’m dead serious)

SO AFTER ALL THE EXPLANATIONS:

Basically this whole scene triggers the most basic human reaction in existence, ever: FIGHT OR FLIGHT.

Theon could not fight, so he flee. He is absolutely not to blame for that because it’s basic human nature, with or without all the details I said above, it’s instinctive behaviour. What I love so much about this story, universe or whatever you want to call it, is the -relatively- closeness to reality. People don’t cure themselves five minutes after being wounded. The “good boys” don’t always win. It’s somehow realistic in the aspects in which it can be (although thank God we don’t have a crazy ass teenager riding on some dragon burning people alive because YOLO in real life). People need time to heal. Theon needed time to heal. Maybe (probably) he will never heal completely.

Theon had no other option but to run. Theon is a severely damaged person who obviously is one of the most misunderstood, misjudged and unfairly criticised characters that have I ever seen. Cut the boy some slack you insensitive fucks. It’s easy to judge but sometimes people don’t think of the reasons behind the actions. Well here are the reasons I see.

That is all.

[peachdoxie]

It's not homophobia, you ninny. It's me being continually frustrated that people insist that any emotionally intimate relationship is romantic and/or sexual, regardless of any proof or not. Do you know how many times I've been called homophobic for saying Carol had no love interest in the Captain Marvel movie, when basic literary analysis shows no sexual/romantic relationship between Carol and Maria whatsoever? This post wasn't even in response to that misreading of canon, but was actually in response a post I saw about one of the examples your post cited, Lord of the Rings, specifically with the "don't go where I can't follow" line between Sam and Frodo.

I'm really sick and tired of people on tumblr (and elsewhere, but I see it mostly on tumblr) insisting that any intimate relationship between two people of the same gender is a sexual or romantic relationship. I have zero problem with headcanons about them (as the post you linked talks about), but when people start insisting that something is there when, again, basic literary analysis shows it's not, that's when I get really frustrated and post things like this, or this (which actually links to a response to a post I made that I think is important). The people I'm complaining about are the ones who insist that the characters in question are in a sexual/romantic relationship when there's nothing in the text that shows anything beyond an emotionally intimate relationship. It's not homophobia - it's irritation at insistent misreadings of literature that erase other kinds of intimate relationships.

The reason I didn't mention heterosexual relationships is because that's been rehashed over and over again, what with heteronormativity and the issues regarding cross-sex friendships, to the point where almost anyone could probably talk about the forced shipping of men and women and how it negatively impacts the non-romantic, non-sexual relationships between them. This post, and my one about Carol and Maria linked above, is a response to a complementary phenomenon to the insistence of a romantic and sexual relationship between emotionally intimate men and women, which is the insistence of a romantic and sexual relationship between two characters of the same gender because they're emotionally intimate with each other. It's not an issue with headcanons themselves; it's an issue with people insisting that any emotional relationship between same gender characters has to be sexual and romantic, and can't just end at emotional intimacy. It's me holding people who ship same gender characters to the exact same standards as people who ship different gender characters.

And granted, yeah, this post is probably me being a bit reductionist towards the phrase "no heterosexual explanation for this", since not everyone who uses it is insisting that the relationship in question is homosexual, with an emphasis on the sexual part and implied romantic part. But I still find major problems with people using it because of the implied sexual and romantic relationship when the words "heterosexual" and "homosexual" are in use.

Because really, to put this post, the post you linked, the posts and articles I linked, and shipping in general into context, what this post is actually about is an ignorance/rejection of queer theory when it comes to shipping headcanons. Insisting that any emotionally intimate same gender relationship has to be sexual and (by implication) romantic is to erase the possibility and acceptance of other kinds of queer relationships. It's pushing sexual-normativity and romantic-normativity. Yes, maybe the phrase "no heterosexual relationship" is meant to imply a queer relationship in some usages, but from my experience with the literal hundreds of comments on my Captain Marvel post telling me I'm wrong for saying Carol has no love interest in the movie, and from my experience as a queer person and queer academic, I don't think I'm off-base to assume most people using that phrase are using it in any way other than meaning "they're actually in a gay/lesbian relationship" and all the things those imply in casual usage.

I have no problem with people making headcanons that Sam and Frodo were together or that Carol and Maria would have been married if not for Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I have problems with people insisting that same gender emotional intimacy automatically means they're in a sexual and romantic relationship. Ultimately, it's not about me being homophobic, which I'm not. It's me criticizing the parts of shipping culture that ignore queer relationships - meaning anything non-heteronormative - and that insist characters are something that they're not just because of a headcanon. It's a criticism of a lack of queer theory and critical reading skills in shipping culture.

Two people of the same gender: *are very close and emotionally intimate with each other but show no signs of a sexual or romantic relationship*

Some of y'all dumbasses: there’s literally no heterosexual explanation for this

Me: You do know that not every intimate relationship involves sex or romance, right? That people can be very close to each other without being sexually or romantically involved? And that claiming otherwise actively damages real non-sexual, non-romantic relationships by spreading the notion that people can’t be emotionally close without being sexually and romantically involved? You do realize sexual and romantic relationships aren’t the only kinds that are important to people, right?

[newhologram]

So my friend is taking a lot of heat because something they said was misunderstood and in true tumblr fashion, assumed to be coming from someone who is Not One of Us and therefore evil and of course no one on this site is mature enough to toss aside their ego for a moment to actually speak to them like a person rather than a concept to be mad at. Tumblr strips people of actually being people in the name of performative anger and it’s really messed up and often it’s THEIR OWN who end up hurt. How many times have we seen autistic and other disabled people dogpiled on and called neurotypical, and then still ignored when they say, “um? I’m disabled though?” because no one is mature enough to say, “oh shit, I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m sorry.”

It pisses me off and hurts a lot for a lot of reasons. Mostly being that friend is a good person who had genuinely meant no harm and who has given sincere apologies and explanations and is still being treated like shit with zero compassion or actual rational thought whatsoever from the people who are angry, because this is tumblr where we love to twist people’s words and actions to make them out to be Oppressors so that we can be mad and feel better about ourselves. Like how I’m constantly accused of icky intentions because I am white passing multiracial who also lives multiculturally as a Japanese language student practicing Ayurveda, or when I was cast in The Book of Life music video and put in Dia de los Muertos makeup. Anything I do is immediately judged by the fact that I got my dad’s skin and eye color. 

But right now, I’m just thinking, like. I’ve always had a hard time being understood. I got in trouble, yelled at, lectured, and scolded a lot growing up because I would say something and my meaning or emotion would be misunderstood. And even if I tried to explain what I meant, or that I hadn’t meant it in an angry way, or that I had been kidding, people would refuse to believe me, and just keep scolding me and talking down to me like I needed to be Educated. I would have meltdowns out of frustration when they did this to me. I would cry and cry and cry and cry, inconsolably, because why wouldn’t they believe me that it wasn’t what I meant? Why did no one listen? To this day people always still think I’m angry when I’m not. It still upsets me so much to be constantly misunderstood (and to have trouble understanding other people), and to be made out as a bad guy or mocked for it. If I ask for clarification at an audition, I sometimes get mocked by casting directors when I’m just trying to make sure my timing and action is right. A few months ago a customer said, “what is WRONG with you?” because I couldn’t understand what the hell he was trying to ask about our 10% off coupons. 

One time around maybe age 10 I joked that my friend “only picks on me because I’m small!” and she and her mother took it very seriously. They both turned on me and went on and on about how “she would never do that, why would you think that” and I kept trying to explain that I was only joking because we had such a size difference, like. I was being silly. It was a joke. I had a crying meltdown right there in the car because they they didn’t believe me and didn’t listen and kept lecturing me about making accusations like that. Things like this happened all throughout my childhood. 

I feel like a Martian, I feel so disconnected from other people, so I kept to myself a lot and I still do in a way, because interacting with can people frustrate me to tears but I’m an adult now and all my jobs whether acting, retail, or restaurant, involve talking to people a lot and having to do a good job pleasing them. I have to ask for clarification constantly because I never understand things and so I often look very stupid. 

I know it has something to do with the way that I speak, I have trouble conveying the right emotion so people always think I’m mad when I’m not. I get excited and say things that are then taken the wrong way. But also I found out a few months ago that I grew up with a compressed brain stem/vertebral arteries and it’s possible that this is either the cause of, or part of, and ultimately proof of me having lived with developmental delays/disabilities all my life. That’s a whole other thing and it’s still something I’m trying to come to terms with.

And so seeing this happening to my friend, them being excited and saying something that was then taken wrong, and being harassed about it and called an awful person because literally no one is listening to their explanation or even asking, “what did you actually mean?” is upsetting because I know how it feels and it’s quite frankly triggering. I don’t use this word a lot. I don’t like the way tumblr weaponizes it. I’m using it right now in the context of how being misunderstood mostly because I’m disabled caused so much stress that it is part of my larger complex PTSD and can actually cause me to go into panic rage mode because it immediately puts me on the defensive for someone to accuse me of meaning something I didn’t mean, and then not listen to me when I explain. It can make me see RED and make me feel hatred for myself because it still feels like something is wrong with ME, it’s ME that’s the problem, it’s ME that’s the broken robot, it’s MY fault I’m never understood, it’s MY fault people never listen, because I’m THAT fucking stupid. 

People can sometimes say things without thinking about a way it might be taken, but that doesn’t make them bad people. 

If you refuse to at the very least listen to them when they clarify meaning that was not conveyed and you say “NOPE, it doesn’t matter what you actually meant, or that you’re actually under the same identity/oppression umbrella as me, the thing you said would be gross if said by an oppressor and therefore you are gross and deserve zero respect!” then you’re being quite cruel to a real person for no reason other than your ego. And that is shameful.