#I SOLVED THE CASE

[rovermcfly]

proud to say that I have never once in my life figured out the whodunit in any crime story I've read or watched. I just let the facts and clues wash over me, absorbing absolutely none of it. I am the audience they think of when they throw in red herrings, in case you've ever wondered "who would fall for this obvious false lead". it's me. I am the idiot viewer/reader. not once has an obviously framed clue revealed anything to me. my head is completely empty when I consume these stories.

[poirott]

Columbo / Murder, She Wrote crossover (fanmade)

Lt. Columbo (Peter Falk) and Jessica Fletcher (Angela Lansbury) becoming besties and solving cases together ♥

[sunderwight]

Shen Qingqiu gets hit by a rare wife plot.

And it actually is a rare one because Airplane didn't even write this one down! He toyed with the idea before ultimately dismissing it as being too controversial for the tastes of his readers, and adapting only a few of the same elements for a subsequent chapter of PIDW.

But apparently the System can pull inspiration even from the author's thoughts, especially when there's nothing to contradict the concept and even a few threads of it still to be found in the original, and somehow Shen Qingqiu runs afoul of this previously-unwritten plot bunny.

The core concept was a cuck scenario, of all things. One of the Luo Binghe's wives gets afflicted by a poison that can only be cured by dual cultivation, but specifically can't be cured by by dual cultivation with anyone who has mastery over demonic qi. Something something conflicting energies, something bullshit something. Peerless Cucumber would have ripped the chapter to shreds if it had actually made it to publication, not just for the insult of implying that Luo Binghe should let one of his wives sleep with someone else, but also because why would Luo Binghe -- able to use both kinds of cultivation -- somehow not be able to keep his demonic energies from influencing the situation just in this one case?

Well it turns out that in his specific case it's because sex gets him too worked up to keep things strictly separate, and the degree of control required to treat the affliction whilst dual cultivating is extensive enough that even a little slip-up would be fatal.

Of course, in the actual chapter of PIDW, this same plot device was altered and used to create a harem orgy where Luo Binghe oversaw several of his wives "treating" one another's "afflictions", but Shen Qingqiu just had to go and get a fatal of dose of the more severe version (he didn't realize the risk, because again, this version didn't even make it into the novel).

Anyway, of course this ends up with Shen Qingqiu trying to figure out another way to cheat death, while Luo Binghe goes through the five stages of grief before accepting that he's just going to have to let someone else fuck his husband. This leads to an argument because of course Shen Qingqiu's not going to cheat on Luo Binghe, and he's especially not going to force one of his martial siblings to sleep with him, come on now, and Luo Binghe trying not to cry tears of blood while bringing himself to explain that a fair few of Shen Qingqiu's sect siblings would be happy volunteers for this task.

Shen Qingqiu's just like, well of course you think that, for some bizarre reason you think everyone wants to sleep with me. Bias is what it is. Really it's flattering Binghe but obviously every other person we know is straight, that's just statistics, and everyone in the entire cultivation world knows that Qi Qingqi would sooner chew glass than have sex with a man!

Luo Binghe, weeping now: Shizun please. This is serious. I need you speak words that make sense in the order you're saying them.

They argue, they reach an impasse, the clock is ticking. So Luo Binghe reluctantly turns to the most reliable source of information (outside of himself) on Manipulating Shen Qingqiu to Do Things That Are in His Own Best Interests -- Shang Qinghua.

At first Shang Qinghua is like, well I'm flattered Junshang but I don't think I could shoulder the baggage of fucking Cucumber-bro for you. But then Luo Binghe is like no I need someone who is way hotter and more capable than you, if Shizun is going to fuck someone else at my behest they're going to be TOP TIER so that when I fuck him better afterwards he's really impressed with me. Liu Qingge, obviously.

Not Yue Qingyuan, Shang Qinghua asks? (He'd take the insult a little more personally but honestly he's just relieved that he's not being asked to navigate this social minefield.)

No, Luo Binghe says. He's not 100% sure he could beat Yue Qingyuan in a fight even to this day, which in his mind also translates to not being 100% sure he could do sex better than him either, so Yue Qingyuan is an emergency last resort. He's way more likely to cry on Shizun too and Shen Qingqiu is into that shit, it's too risky.

Alright, says Shang Qinghua, and he thinks about it, and then he comes up with the beautifully simple solution:

Luo Binghe has to fuck Liu Qingge first.

Because of course the crux of the issue is that even with permission, Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to cheat on Luo Binghe. But in the twisted annals of his mind, Luo Binghe himself is still entitled to a harem, even if Luo Binghe is also happily monogamous in this life. So if he shacks up with Liu Qingge first then Liu Qingge essentially joins Luo Binghe's harem, at which point if Shen Qingqiu sleeps with him it's not an affair, it's the gay version of those fanservice-y 3P scenes that the wives in PIDW did. Shang Qinghua translates the concept as best as he can to Luo Binghe, who -- though slightly dubious -- must accept that so far Shang Qinghua's wisdom hasn't steered him wrong with regards to his shizun's eccentricities.

Luo Binghe's mission: seduce Liu Qingge, or at least convince him to have sex, or possibly to lie and (convincingly!) tell Shen Qingqiu that they had sex. That last one is the longest shot so he's probably going to have to just fuck him (Luo Binghe still underestimates how willing his husband is to believe that just about anyone would have sex with him).

Shang Qinghua's mission: convince Shen Qingqiu that he owes his husband steamy threeway gay sex or something so that this plan he pulled out of his ass doesn't backfire and get him killed.

[anonymous-existences]

Random DCxDP Prompt/Thought #2

Jason Finds a Notebook in Danny's drawer, Big Capital letters on its cover written as 'Labels', He raises an eyebrow as he inspects and opens the notebook. "What's this about??" He asked, Turning his head to Danny before reading the text. "Oh that's my nicknames for people cuz I tend to forget names a lot." Danny shrugged nonchalantly as Jason flipped through the pages.

He stared dead silent for a moment at his name and it's 'labels', blinking in disbelief. "WHY DO YOU HAVE ME AS 'ANGER ISSUES', 'FUNNIER THAN JOKER', AND 'HE WHO PROBABLY HAS A FURSONA'?!" Jason read the other labels in disbelief.

His gaze landing on Bruce's 'labels', barking out a laugh as he read the first one out loud. " YOU HAVE B AS 'AUTISM SPECTRUM'?!" He yelled out with a wide amused grin, Danny laughing softly, "I mean... Just look at him..." Danny shrugged making Jason laugh out even more.

[lesbiannieism]

i need 7+ seasons of dead boy detectives specifically to see the long-term payoff of charles putting a jar of bees in his bag

[yaolmao]

they should work together idk guys

[galaxymagitech]

I just saw someone on Reddit say that Tim Drake should be the next Batman.

No.

No.

Evil Gun Batman

No.

Tim would never, he’s terrified of becoming Batman.

[forecast0ctopus]

psych episode where shawn begins to have psychic premonitions (carbon monoxide poisoning)

[sesamestreep]

it’s wild to me that like every modern adaptation of Sherlock Holmes (and by modern I mean “made recently” not “set in modern times”) is like Hell Bent on coming up with a Reason™️ that Watson stays with Holmes and trots around with him on adventures all the time despite the inconvenience and the danger and all, and so it’s like “oh, Watson’s a gambling addict, he loves uncertainty and mystery” or “oh, Watson’s an adrenaline junkie, he gets off on being constantly in danger from criminals” or even like “Watson’s atoning for sins of the past of BEING IN THE WAR by solving crimes with Holmes now” or WHATEVER. And it’s like, girl, maybe he’s just in love! Did you think of that?? Maybe he’s got a crush and it’s making him do stupid things. Maybe he’s just got bad taste and his type is guys who don’t know how to refold newspapers properly but can identify different types of cigar ash by sight, smell, and taste. And wrote a monograph on the subject. Maybe he’s down bad is all. I mean, Keep is simple, stupid!!!

[hugh-lauries-bald-spot]

rip jake peralta and shawn spencer you would have loved each other

[cogneartive]

when i found out simon was around maya and franziska’s age i got frightened a little. then i put them all in persona + some old doodles i put in that seemed to fit

edit: i just realised i wrote the date wrong on aura’s tweet sigh. no that kid did his gcses at 12/13 years old dude

[e-payne]

“if death ever did catch us she’d force us into the afterlife and split us up”

honey death is the original ally

death let a scraggly homeless man live forever because her baby brother had a crush. death 1000% knows about the dead boy detective agency and she loves it. they’re her favourite little gay ghosts and they’re not going ANYWHERE

[kiyomitakada]

i greatly enjoy the "lying monster who plays with human lives like barbies" flavor of L characterization myself but i have been spinning around all his more compassionate moments in my head recently (visibly repressing ukita and naomi; ordering all cars off the highway they're chasing higuchi on; asking the other task force members to not look at the yagami household surveillance footage for soichiro's sake; etc) in conjunction with the way he genuinely would rather sacrifice civilians to catch kira than save them with even the mildest possibility kira would get away; and i am thinking about how little we really get into his head and i do wonder how he feels about his job, because he never voices regret out loud but we get to see him think twelve fbi agents dead… twelve precious lives… and so maybe he does feel guilt for who he is, what he does, but ultimately does it matter? they're still dead. he still tries to murder a prisoner to test the thirteen-day rule. corpses don't care about motive. you're just a childish killer playing at divine retribution. what im trying to say is that l lawliet could be representation for a rarely depicted demographic: high empathy people who suck

[bl4ckb1rd13]

pov your husband simply will not let you rest

[missmolsa]

Divorceshipping redraww <33

It's been 3 years can you FUCKING believe....................

[greyskyflowers]

Edwin probably never had anyone to talk with in hell, right? Maybe the occasional other person popping up like Simon did but even then Edwin had to be quiet because of the spider demon.

So I like to imagine that during the first few years with Charles, Edwin would think stuff in his head but not say them out loud and then be all frustrated and confused when Charles was like 'mate, I have no idea what you're going on about.'

Maybe having problems with speaking too softly or in broken sentences half said out loud and half only in his head.

And that'd be one of those weird quirks of his that, years and years later when Charles finds Edwin in hell and is told very desperately to be quiet, finally clicks and Charles goes ohhhhhhhh. Oh no.