theselfcarestudio-blog - Tumblr blog

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Hey stranger, it’s been awhile! Allow me to reintroduce myself ✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I have been busy becoming a Life & Success coach so I could take my passion for self-care to the next level. I am so excited you are here and I am so excited to meet you again! 💛 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My name is Jenna Knapp and I am an empowerment coach and a subconscious self-care expert. I help people pleasers take back their power through rebuilding routine and ritual and establishing healthy boundaries so they can finally give themselves permission to write their name at the top of their to-do list. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ With over four years of self-care and preventative care advocacy, I hold massive space for my clients to expand into their truth and worthiness. With powerful tools like hypnosis, tapping, anchoring, and sensory based activities, my self-care toolkit empowers individuals to put preventative care into action. Certified as a Master NLP and Hypnosis Practitioner, and founder of The Self Care Studio, my signature group coaching style provides accountability and creates a community of caring souls who are ready to reclaim their time. My clients tell me I have a generous heart and that they can feel my unwavering belief in their success. I have an unshakeable commitment to helping people pleasers say yes to themselves once and for all. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Have you been looking for that extra support, accountability, and push in a new direction? Send me a DM today to see if we would be a good fit to work together inside of my coaching program ✨✨✨ (at Milwaukee, Wisconsin) https://www.instagram.com/p/B394NCXHfR3/?igshid=19aial9hpmx5c

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Have you fallen out of your self care routine or daily ritual? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The priority we place on self care not only dictates but designs our life! If you are living on repeat, and at a loss for how to break the same cycle from happening over and over again — you may be living in the past. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When you make decisions based on how you used to....you’ll get more of the same results that you’ve been trying to change. But when you lean into learning about the power of your subconscious mind and step into the present and paint a picture for your future - you will find that you have the ability to create everything. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Your current reality is a mirror of your thoughts. When you prioritize carving out time everyday to get crystal clear on where YOURE at and where you’re going you move from the role of the observer to the creator. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ll be combining my love for both self care and subconscious healing into an incredible course beginning this fall ——> Next-Level Self Care In 21 Days! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Continue reading and learn more about this incredible course to get you back on track over at @mentalwealthandwellness 💛💛💛💛💛 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #selfcare #radicalselflove #online #course #21daysofme #mindset #subconsciousmind #reprogramyourmind #nextlevel #mentalwealth #staypresent #createyourself #manifest #loa (at Wisconsin) https://www.instagram.com/p/B07A_BznKYo/?igshid=ra0awqwux8uz

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Still here, still growing! Are you? 🕳🌱☀️ . . . It’s been awhile since I’ve posted but Ive been keeping busy in new ways. After a difficult winter of wondering why I still live in Wisconsin I knew that I was ready for something new. And just when I was ready to lean into figuring out what that something new could look like the @yessupply Coaching Method fell into my lap. Right on time. . . . I’ve been working through all of my pre-study hours and will be traveling to Toronto in May to complete my certification in person! I am learning so much about NLP, EFT, hypnosis, and the power of our subconscious mind and I have never felt so at home in a decision. . . . The process prompted a new mini-series of drawings that I will be sharing with you over the next couple of days and is now live in my Etsy shop [link in bio, all the money goes straight to my course fees to help fund this new path]! . . . They will also be on view at @yours_truly_studio for my Milwaukee folks on May 3rd and 4th for the Scribble Scrabble show! . . . #illustration #illo #darling #plant #seeds #growthmindset #growing #sprouting #theselfcarestudio #etsy #prints #digitalart #digitalprints #forsale #linkinbio #nlp #eft #yessupply #hypnosis #subconsciousmind #loa #yellow #garden #handdrawn https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw0KUpQHoSi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1w9wrcq4v4ndy

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Sometimes change and growth feels like a torrential downpour. Everything keeps coming, harder and faster. One thing after another. And even when we know the change is good for us, it can still feel like - “poor me, I’ve been in this storm for days!” When life gets like this for me, I like to imagine that the onset of all this rain is actually falling on the fertile soil right beneath my feet. There are already seeds in the soil and those seeds will sprout and grow and bloom. All that is happening for you right now is part of a bigger plan to make your garden and all that surrounds you lush and vibrant. Gardens don’t grow overnight, we know that. But we can paint a picture in our mind of what it will *feel* like once we make it to that point. If you are going through major changes in your life, trust the process and know what’s on the other side of this storm. And instead of it being the storm that b r e a k s you. Let it be the storm that makes you. You’re so worth it. 🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱 #radicalselflove #radicalselfcare #growingpains #love #garden #flowers #blooming #illustration #illo #procreate #balance #learning #reflection #healing #seedlings #darling #darlingmovement #drawing #draw #color #spring https://www.instagram.com/p/BwKPLvvniqP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ncpjc0vyxsic

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

A New Path: From Darkness Into Light

I feel like I woke up on a new side of the bed today. Like the lemons I squeezed and tried to make lemonade with a week ago was finally somewhat drinkable. Like the earth plates are shifting. Like a darkness was starting to be greeted by some more light. And even though the sun is not out today I am feeling brighter and lighter and of course one hundred percent connected to the sky and the stars and the equinox.

The full moon tonight is a Super Worm Moon, rare of course. Although I feel like almost all full moons are “rare” in some way, a reason for people to blog. A reason for news channels to tell you to look out your window. And rightfully so. Because they are all rare. Each new moon brings a chance for you to set new intentions and beliefs and goals and watch them grow. And each full moon is a time for celebrating all that you have culminated in that cycle.

As this sinks in, I am absolutely floored by all that I have culminated since the last full moon in February. Since the last new moon just two weeks ago. Life is moving rapidly and it almost feels like I am not in control. Like a force larger than me is pulling the strings above me and digging into my chest and helping me say words and connect dots and make realizations that I have not been able to articulate maybe ever.

So today, I have a lot to celebrate. And I want to be transparent. Because I believe in owning your shit. And maybe, just maybe, me opening up about my own shit and my recent “a-ha!” moments would help one other person out there tap into their “a-ha!’s” as well. Maybe, just maybe. And if not, that is okay too. Regardless, I usually get the urge to write when I need to get it out of my head, and into words. The psychical. Writing for me is a way to mark time passing. It is my own personal calendar. A way to look back down the road and say remember when. The path of healing has so many turns and curves and much like that game where you pause on a thought and go backwards to figure out how you got to that current one - there are reasons for the unraveling, the tangents, the side-steps, the a-ha!s.

So here it is. From the bottom of my heart. The recent evolutions for me in a nutshell and the reasons that I am making a decision to reroute, and go down a new road starting today. On this spring equinox.

Several months ago I applied for this self-care residency hosted by Art Inside Out that is to take place in Sweden for eight-weeks beginning at the end of April. Despite there being over 600 applicants I truly believed that I had a good shot. The description of the residency felt like it was written FOR ME, TO ME. I put a lot of energy into the application and then redesigned my life to tell the universe that I was holding space for the opportunity and would be ready to pick up and go if necessary. I viewed the residency as an escape from a life that I have felt somewhat stuck in, feeling like my identity had been built in a certain way (by me) that I didn’t know how to un-do. Ever since I wrote and self-published my book I feel like I have built this identity of healing through trauma and loss and mental illness but only from a certain place. Healing as if it is always happening (and it is) but never moving onto the next phase of letting certain parts of me or owning that certain parts of me can be HEALED. Taking an eight week pause across the Atlantic ocean seemed like the perfect way to escape without having to make major life changes. But of course, that isn’t how it works. And I am grateful that the easy way out didn’t manifest like I was hoping for.

As I was working towards clearing space, that meant focusing more on jobs where I could create my own schedule. I found Door Dashing (the better version of Uber Eats or Postmates) and fell in love with that method of making money. I devised a plan to listen to podcasts and trick myself into believing that I was making money for learning and listening to podcasts. As I burned through TED Radio Hour and all my other favorites I was looking for more. One day I received an intuitional nudge to look up Law of Attraction and Manifestation podcasts. Thinking that that would absolutely boost my vibration and frequency and make me an energetic match for this residency. I was trying hard to tell the universe that I was “ready” in every direction. But the universe had a different plan for me. Of course. And it is/was/will be divine.

As I downloaded podcasts about law of attraction and manifestation and started to listen to them while I was Door Dashing I was feeling GOOD. Tapping back into a part of myself that I had left behind after I had read The Secret in high school and after I lost my Aunt Anne AKA my Law Of Attraction buddy to suicide, I had a long period of feeling like “What is the point?” So, to find it again was a humbling return. And by the day I was becoming more and more open to making that return to say the least.

Many of the podcasts consisted of interviews with life coaches and strong individuals who were using the law of attraction and manifestation to make shit happen for themselves and for their clients.  I began to learn more about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic-Programming), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or Tapping), Hypnosis, and TIME Techniques. Everything was coming back to the power of how our subconscious mind operates, the beliefs we hold deep down, and the patterns of thinking that have been so deeply engrained in us that are so hard to unlearn on a conscious level. But here - was this network/community of people that I stumbled across (divinely) who were getting FREE.

First I was listening to Mikayla Jai and her Mindset Magic And Manifestation Podcast. Then she interviewed the amazing Brooke Alexander about NLP and her approach to manifestation. I started listening to her. I became obsessed. I found out that she had gotten this training that covered ALL OF THE THINGS THAT I WAS BECOMING INTERESTED IN AND OBSESSED WITH. Then, she interviewed the person that she received the training from, Reese Evans. Who founded the YES SUPPLY METHOD and offers trainings where you can get certified in NLP, EFT, TIME Techniques, and Hypnosis in one place for under $3,000.

Now, after I was released from my first mental health hospitalization I truly felt like I wanted to become an art therapist. I started taking steps to do this, but all of it was too fresh at the time and I couldn’t make it through the psych courses I needed at my local technical college and I dropped out. I began to do whatever I could on my own and used the amazing inspiration of art therapy in my work and with The Self Care Studio. The desire to go deeper has always still been there ever since I dropped out. But it felt like a thing that would take so much work and be so far away and limit me to a very specific area of healing in a clinical setting that I just wasn’t 100% sold on as my path. I knew I wanted more. But I didn’t know what that was.

After a long wait I can say I know what I was waiting for. This. This was it! And one week before I was supposed to hear back about the results for the residency in Sweden I learned that the next in-person training would be in May in Toronto. Instead of thinking - “Oh, I’ll catch the next one.” My first thought was, “Oh my god, I will miss it.” I knew something was shifting there. And I made a promise to myself that if I didn’t get the residency that I would sign up for the training and go full force with monthly payments on the tuition and make that training in Toronto WORK.

I only told several people this. I felt nervous to announce that I wanted to take this next step. That I wanted to dig further into my healing and gain more tools that could help me help more people once I was certified. I wasn’t nervous to take a chance on myself, but I was nervous to tell people I had made that decision. I felt as though I was so deep into the identity that I have created for myself here in Milwaukee, as “the bipolar power girl” that I would potentially get backlash from people who would say “why do you think you can do that?” or “you’re not ready to help anyone else heal” - CUE ALL THE NEGATIVE INNER DIALOGUE YOU COULD IMAGINE. But despite all that fear. Despite all those limiting beliefs, you better believe that when I got that email from Sweden that I was not selected a week ago Monday that I knew what I had to do.

It took me another five days to actually sign up, but I did it. And I am ready to tell YOU, whoever YOU are. And I am ready to tell MYSELF that I am actually doing this. I signed up on Friday, almost a week ago, and I have only told the two people. I have had opportunities and open doors to tell others, but haven’t. This fear is all the more reason that I know I need to go to this training and go through this process. So I can work on my confidence and dig into my limiting beliefs of feeling stuck and not good enough. I AM going to Toronto the third week of May and I AM honoring the path that was being laid out for me the whole way through. Before I even saw it or recognized it, the universe was putting me into perfect alignment with my next steps and paving the way.

So, with that, on this Super Worm Moon Equinox, I am happy to announce that I am moving from the darkness that remains inside of me into light. I am already experiencing the shift since making the decision. And I am hoping this announcement will be my first step towards a deeper sense of confidence within myself. I am signed up and ready to dig into all of the tools that have helped so many people get free. I am already feeling the amazing benefits of what this healing experience will be. And I am so excited to turn what I learn into material that I can share and help others on their healing journey with all the new tools I will posses.

I am worth it. This duality is vibrant. And I am beyond grateful for the darkness that has fueled me, pushed me, and propelled me into this new chapter of light. In divine timing, with the arrival of Spring. Sometimes the path we think we are on will lead us to a door that is closed. We have a choice to interpret that as a dead end, or to walk through it into the next chapter.

Lets grow. I am walking through this door.

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Me with #nofilter after swimming with sting rays in the Grand Cayman Islands! 🌊🌊🌊 No need for a cute picture of me in the ocean kissing a stingray and staying above the water so I didn’t mess up my hair or makeup. Because I knew I wanted to be below the water with my goggles watching these big beautiful souls fly through the water instead. I left my phone on the boat so I could stay fully present and snapped this post-glow selfie instead. I’m on an airplane home waiting to take off now, coming back to reality after spending five wonderful days off the radar with my mom on a Carnival Cruise 🌊🌈🌴🌞 Since I was young I was taught to seek out travel and experiences over material possessions and that lesson has been one of my greatest gifts. I am so grateful to already have had the travel experiences I’ve had. Thank you to my hard working mother who was a nurse for 42 years and knew she deserved to put her feet in the sand in the dead of a Wisconsin winter. Somehow she always found a way to bring me with her. Cheers to putting the phone down and being present with my mom. My heart is full. The freckles on my nose have returned. And I’m ready to bring this energy back home and melt the snow with it ✨⭐️⚡️💫 #theselfcarestudio #selfcareis #nophonezone #worldtravel #travel #carnivalcruise #carnival #caribbean #traveladdict #girlboss #darlingmovement #photooftheday #tropical #ocean #stingraycity #stingray #darling #motherdaughter #momanddaughter #lifehacks (at Stingray City, Grand Cayman) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuhWq9qnyU7/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14ilxj65awt9t

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

FREE DRAW this Saturday at Yours Truly from 3-5 PM ❤️🌿 Remember in elementary, middle, and high school art class when the teacher would announce free draw? The room would go wild and the classroom would roar?  Well, it’s here. For you. As an adult. This Saturday at Yours Truly from 3-5pm. Drop-in  anytime to this free draw workshop with yourself or a friend and bring your own materials or nothing at all. Stay for 15 minutes or the whole two hours, its 100% up to you. The Self Care Studio will have a variety of materials to choose from if you don’t have your own and a selection of drawing and journaling prompts to help you not *overthink* the process if you get stuck. Participate in the studio's ongoing project, The Self Love Trading Cards Club, if you wish, or choose from a selection of coloring sheets if a total free draw isn’t your thing and you want to draw between some lines. I’ll have some music in the background and an aromatherapy room diffuser going to make the vibes extra cozy. $3-5 suggested donation if you are able, no one turned away! #theselfcarestudio #freedraw #selfcare #selflove #radicalselfcare #procreate #illo #illustration #darling #yourstruly #workshop #weekendgoals #healing #creativity #coloring #adultcoloringbook #goodvibesonly (at Yours Truly) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuFdrWXHmzf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=j2jy2elk8alb

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

My heart has been so full working on such a cool commission this week ❤️ I am getting ready to ship out some self-care items to @firstaidarts this morning! The package includes these energizing and soothing aromatherapy nasal inhalers that will be added to their tool kits for their upcoming training in Seattle! I am so thrilled to be making healing items for such an important training and for an organization that I have personally have a history with. If you haven’t heard or them, please visit their profile and give them a follow! They are providing hands-on arts-based trainings with their toolkits for individuals to use with trauma victims and survivors. The world is full of healers, and it is a beautiful feeling to be spreading healing energy and literally putting it in a package to ship across the country! 🙏🏼💕✨🌿 #essentialoils #aromatherapy #healing #traumasurvivor #firstaidarts #theselfcarestudio #radicalselflove #radicalselfcare #aromatherapyinhaler #photooftheday #packagedesign #energize #soothe #selfcare #lavender (at Riverwest, Milwaukee) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuB-RS0nyxG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=cler2tkx1qn8

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

I have been deep in a sea of podcasts lately and keep running into themes and stories of personal triumphs after long histories of people hitting road block after road block. Everyone has a story and a lot of the time those stories are heavy with trials and tribulations before they reach the place of triumph. It’s hard to see in the moment, but really all those dead ends we run into are doorways and are waking us up each time we hit our head against that brick wall in our path. We might not get it the 1st, 2nd, 4th, or 20th time...but we will get it eventually. And all our hard work will catapult us into a new path that is full of ease and many doors that aren’t even hard to open. I really believe that. Do you? Major shout out to @lucasspivey of @culturehustlers for interviewing artists across the country who share their own personal stories of catapulting themselves so eloquently. And to @themikaylajai of the Mindset Magic & Manifestation podcast! I’ve been burning through the archives of both of these podcasts and am feeling so inspired to keep going and trying and learning and living. 💪⭐️✨💛🌞👌 . . . #theselfcarestudio #radicalselflove #radicalselfcare #keepgoing #healing #recovery #mentalhealth #growth #art #artist #contemporaryart #handlettering #illo #illustration #illustrator #entrepreneur #entrepreneurlife #motivationalquotes #podcastlife #culturehustlers #mindsetmagic #manifestation #lawofattraction (at Riverwest, Milwaukee) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt6KhJdHmN1/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fr2qr80v5gx8

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

The Day The World Delivers Me Flowers

Trigger/Content Warning: This post includes sensitive topics including Bipolar Disorder, Suicide Ideation, Depression, Acne , Discussion of Pscyh Medications + Side Effects

It was two years ago today that I chose to live. Again. For a second time. Even though I had been saved from my overdose two months prior, I was still stuck. I was stuck waiting for the meds to “kick in”, I was stuck in my trauma identity that I had become blanketed in ever since my Aunt Anne committed suicide, and I was stuck in the middle of winter. I was also stuck on read, waiting to hear from a boy whose ringtone on my phone was a train because thats what my heart felt like every time we talked, a freight train passing through my bedroom. He was a boy I had fallen in love with earlier that Fall but had yet to meet (thanks to Tinder for showing up when you’re traveling out-of-state and get a good match while you’re on the way back home at an airport at 4am). I know it sounds silly but I was extremely stimulated by him via texting for sometimes over six hours a day. Us writing novels back and forth to each other with our thumbs was the first experience where I began to realized I didn’t need sex like I was conditioned to believe I did and just might fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but that is a story for another day.

I was stuck. And to be honest I had been comfortable living in that victim identity despite everything I preached from the hospital bed when I begged the police to let me go home because I “didn’t mean it” and would “never do something like that again!” The series of inpatient and outpatient programs that followed my overdose were exhausting. It was my second time going through the inpatient, then partial, then outpatient system like that but was the first time I was under such close supervision for a new medication that was highly dangerous for 1 in 1,000 people. What if I was that one? I wasn’t. But it took six weeks for the medication to build up and you had to be under close watch for a life-threatening rash that could develop. Along with a long list of other less threatening but still scary side effects. The rash never showed, I honestly wasn’t feeling a difference in my mood or my depressive episode, and I couldn’t help but feel terrible that I was losing the fighting attitude I had in the hospital bed that day when I vowed to always want to live.

I frequently had intrusive thoughts of wanting to hurt myself while on psych medications. While I was transitioning onto this new medication that would make everything better but could also kill me I had some of the most vivid urges that I would never otherwise identify with. A lot of the psych medications on the market warn that things will get worse before they get better, but I was in the deep end of worse. On one occasion when I was still in the hospital I journaled about my deep desire to take the boom boxes we could check out from the front desk by the handle and bash my head with it. When I told the nurse I was having this thought they simply said “I’ll tell your psychiatrist you are having these thoughts.” When I told my mom that I had this thought, well, first it broke her heart, and then she and I made the decision that that hospital was not the right place for me to be. I was checked out and placed on a waitlist for a different hospital in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. In the brief overlap where I had to stay at my mom’s before I could get checked into the new hospital, I went for a walk in freezing cold winter weather where I laid in a bank of snow in the dark and thought, “I wouldn’t care if I froze to death right here.”

Before I even gave it credit, my body has always been my temple. My fighter. My healer. My energy source that knows what I need before I do. It has helped me withstand more than I ever knew I could handle. It has reacted for me, on my behalf, out of protection when my mind wanted to sabotage my future and make me cut my life short. It also has been able to communicate to me when something was very wrong. My skin had begun broking out terribly prior to my overdose, a mix of the medication I was on had put it over the edge and the adult acne I was used to flaring up around my special time of the month had taken over my whole face and neck. Not your typical acne, but huge bumps that were cyst like and hurt to touch. The only way to relieve some of the pain was to pop them. Which of course in turn made it worse. It was hard to look at myself in the mirror most days. I didn’t even recognize the person I was anymore. But instead of listening to my temple, that was warning me that something wasn’t right with what I was taking - I was stuck in my trauma identity and believing I deserved it on some level. That I had always had acne, so of course I would continue to have acne. I wish I could have seen what my body was telling me. I wish I would have listened.

So on Valentines Day, two years ago. Two months after my overdose I found myself working a double at the salad bar in the Public Market. I was back living in Milwaukee and just making it day to day, counting on the medication to start working any moment now. They told me I would be “happy” and “back to a normal version of myself” within six weeks, it had been eight. I don’t remember much from that day, or really any of those shifts at the salad bar. I don’t know how I was communicating with people, or even dealing with frequent human interaction feeling the way I did about my skin on top of everything else, but I remember an urge I got, almost out of nowhere, that morning where I decided I wanted to make that day as good as I could for other people. I went to the Dollar Store before my shift to get sticky heart window decals so people could have a dose of love with their buffalo chicken salad.

That feeling continued through the day and as the end of my shift was approaching I decided I wanted to treat myself to a chocolate mousse slice of cake and a bottle of red wine after work that night. I promised myself I would have a self-care evening and even though I was spending Valentines Day alone, I would give myself all the love I had been denying myself. Part of giving myself that love was writing a letter to the boy who left me on read. Not for him, but for me. So I could gain some closure and move forward. Make space. For me.

That night I remembered that I had lent my good friend two of my favorite books earlier that fall - The Secret and Follow Your Passion And Find Your Power. Two books about the Law Of Attraction and manifesting the life you desire through the universal law of Like Attracts Like. I grew up Catholic and never identified much with religion, but when I was a teenager I was introduced to the concept of the Law Of Attraction and felt a resonation like never before. I talked about it with my Auntie Anne who was also on The Secret kick. We frequently would share and compare notes on all the amazing and wonderful things we were attracting in our lives. It was addicting and contagious and became my belief system when I didn’t have one.

When she died, I stopped believing in almost everything. I let my favorite books fall to the back of the bookshelf and honestly forgot about a universal law that kept at work even while I chose to live in my trauma identity and allow feelings of sadness, low self worth, and pain overrule my life. I like to believe that Auntie Anne gave me the nudge that morning to go to the Dollar Store and helped me remember the books. The next day I asked my friend for the books back and as soon as I got them I felt a shift inside of me. I was done waiting for the medication to work and show up for me, I was going to have to show up for myself.

I chose to shift my mindset that day. I chose to live. Again. And ever since then Valentines Day has been a day of radical self-love for me. I am a huge anniversary and date person, I remember everything and latch onto numbers and enjoy marking time. So when I could feel that mark of the shift coming up this time last year I knew what I needed to do. I needed to see who I was without medication.

After two and a half years of trail and error with over ten different psych medications providing more side effects than benefits I made the decision that I wanted to see who I was without it all. I had become so afraid to return to any version of myself before my Auntie Anne’s suicide, my own personal suicide ideation, my bipolar diagnoses, and my self harm urges and was conditioned to believe by everyone in the mental health industry that I was working with that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I remember asking my therapist at the time if she had any successful clients who were off of their medication and diagnosed Bipolar and she shook her head slowly and told me I would never be able to do that, after only seeing me two times.

I chose to believe otherwise, and without the support of mental health professionals I was left to do it alone. A month before February 14th I began cutting up my remaining pills very meticulously and weened myself off very slowly. I know the risks involved there, and as I was doing this I made a promise to myself that if it felt wrong at any time I would seek help immediately. I also had told two people very close to me that could help keep an eye on me through the transition. All the scary literature on the internet about withdrawal symptoms prevented me from doing it before but I thought if I did it so slowly, I might be okay.

February 13th came and I had one sliver of Lamictal left to take on February 14th. I was feeling fine. I hadn’t had any major withdrawal symptoms and was honestly feeling almost no difference at all. Except that a lot of my dark thoughts were starting to fade (cool!). And my skin was starting to clear up (wait, so it wasn’t just me???). I was really doing this.

Today marks one year off of all of my psych medications and I am sitting here in tears typing this particular paragraph with chills up and down my legs and spine. I feel like I could scream from the top of a roof top about how proud I am of myself for choosing to trust me when so many people were telling me that I would never be able to live a successful life off of medication. I understand the role that medication plays for people and that it saves lives. I am not arguing that medication can’t save lives and keep those living with mental illness healthy, I am only telling my truth about how it wasn’t right for me. I know people that swear by their medication and are living successful, beautiful, flourishing lives. And the truth is, I would never tell someone they couldn’t do something. I knew how that felt.

I am not saying that this year was easy breezy beautiful and I didn’t run into hard lessons along the way, I am always learning how to feel better and find rhythm in my life to stay healthy. But now, instead of going to my psychiatrist for a medication check up, I am reaching out to my therapist and dealing with the emotional root of a lot of my triggers, patterns, and cycles. I am thrilled to have found a therapist who said that she would work with me despite my desire to stay off of medication. She reminds me often about how self-aware I am and is a cheerleader for my own healing path and helps me in ways no other health professional has helped me before.

I am working on healing relationships, most importantly with myself. I became comfortable hiding behind my trauma identity for too long and I am working to shed that skin. Literally. I still have scars to show for the way my skin cried out for help while on medication, but they continue to heal more every single day, week, month. I became very comfortable in that identity, but I know that place, and that mask doesn’t serve me anymore. I am ready to shift into a mindset of healed instead of hurt. A lifestyle of thriving instead of surviving. I am ready to not walk on eggshells and wonder if I can handle what is around the next corner, because I made it to this milestone. I have made it around many corners.

I made it to this place of trusting myself, and knowing what Jenna looks like off of medication. Being bipolar means that everything could change in a moment, and I understand that that could always mean I will need to reroute my healing path. But for now, I have found a rhythm that works for me. And now, every year, Valentines Day will be my anniversary of when I chose to live. Again. And again. And again. And it just happens to be on a day when the world is flooded with flowers, and chocolates, and expressions of love. And though I know it’s original meaning, I am grateful to have reinvented it for myself so that it feels like this time every year, the world is showing up for me and delivering me flowers.

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

DROP IN WORKSHOP ALERT! 🧡✏️📒 Dear Self, With Love will be at @lyndensculpturegarden tomorrow from 2-4pm. Free with admission to the garden [$9 adults / $7 seniors, students, children] Dear Self, With Love is an informal letter writing workshop hosted by The Self Care Studio. Guests visit a pop-up workshop and write a letter to their future self. Sign, seal, write your return address, and deposit it into a handmade mailbox and have it sent back to you in the future [dates change depending on event, location, etc]. Look forward to probably forgetting about a letter from yourself and then receiving it from your past self, to your then current self, to see what happened between now and then, here and there. Set your intentions, tell yourself a story, give yourself a pep-talk. Anything you need to write to release your reservations about the future version of you. You are worthy of receiving. I am so excited to be bringing this project into 2019. All the letters written tomorrow will be delivered in 2020 😳😱 Come by if you are able, and if you are not watch for this project to pop up in other spaces soon! And if you’re not in Milwaukee but would like to still participate, DM me for the prompt and instructions 💕🌿🌙🌷 #dearselfwithlove #darlingmovement #workshop #dropinworkshop #mail #mailart #mailartist #writing #writersofinstagram #writerscommunity #futureself #handwritten #letterwriting #lyndensculpturegarden (at Lynden Sculpture Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/Btr22RHH7Zx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=n93dxg26b366

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Imagining a world where flowers still bloom in winter makes everything feel a little bit better ❄️💙🌿❄️💕🌼❄️💐🌸❄️ #thesefcarestudio #selfcare #illo #illustration #darlingmovement #winter #midwest #wisconsin #selfcare #flowers #garden #bloom #growth https://www.instagram.com/p/Btq7Bh_nQ8g/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=152ljhezq6jqg

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

New item alert ❤️ Just in time for Valentine’s Day 💕🌈✨ get your number one sweetheart [ meaning yourself, your mom, your coworker that feels like your mom, your bff, your platonic lover, your bf, gf, boo, boi, bb, baybay] an aromatherapy infused rice heating and cooling pack! Handmade + Hand-sewn with lots of love ✂️❤️🧶 These babes are perfect for neck pain, headaches, menstrual cramps, muscle sprains, and more. Each one is filled with 1lb of rice. The heaviness offers a calming sensory affect of a weighted blanket. I love putting mine over my eyes when I’m going to sleep! It calms me all the way down. $8 + Shipping! Order before Monday for a VDAY arrival anywhere in the USofA! For my Milwaukee friends that are interested but don’t want to pay shipping, DM me for a shipping discount and I will hand deliver it to you instead 👌🏻✨ Link in Bio! Happy Loving 🥰 . . . . #handmadeheatpacks #heatpacks #spaday #selfcare #radicalselfcare #handsewn #makersgonnamake #darlingmovement #valentinesday #valentinesdaygifts #giftideasforher #giftideasformom #love #sensoryplay #weightedblanket #patternlover #etsy #etsyshop #etsyseller #etsyfinds #selfcareisforeveryone (at Milwaukee, Wisconsin) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtouolhnUAl/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=g6mplor0k9bo

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Who helps you outgrow yourself even when it’s terrifying and you feel like you’d rather stay comfortable? Taking the leap into your own personal unknown can be so scary, but it can also be the most rewarding experience to unlock levels and layers of yourself that you thought maybe you were never capable of. You are in fact so capable. You deserve sunny rooms. New leaves. And new skin. Over and over again. We evolve. What is changing inside of you? 💕💙 . . . #theselfcarestudio #radicallove #radicalselflove #growthmindset #growingpains #growth #truelove #relationshipgoals #relationshipquotes #valentinesday #handlettering #writing #writersofinsta #illo #darlingmovement #selfcareisforeveryone #mentalhealthawareness #procreate #commissionsopen #illustrationartists #gratitude #healing #motivation #recovery https://www.instagram.com/p/BtoL3a_nVa3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1dw1ziv6m872v

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

Who helps you outgrow yourself even when it’s terrifying and you feel like you’d rather stay comfortable? Taking the leap into your own personal unknown can be so scary, but it can also be the most rewarding experience to unlock levels and layers of yourself that you thought maybe you were never capable of. You are in fact so capable. You deserve sunny rooms. New leaves. And new skin. Over and over again. We evolve. What is changing inside of you? 💕💙 . . . #theselfcarestudio #radicallove #radicalselflove #growthmindset #growingpains #growth #truelove #relationshipgoals #relationshipquotes #valentinesday #handlettering #writing #writersofinsta #illo #darlingmovement #selfcareisforeveryone #mentalhealthawareness #procreate #commissionsopen #illustrationartists #gratitude #healing #motivation #recovery https://www.instagram.com/p/BtoJRKWHs72/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pvy5yguewfwp

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

It brings me great comfort to know that sunflowers depend on light and have their own circadian rhythm. When they are younger they move to face the sun all day long. First welcoming the sun to the east every morning, then following it to the west across the sky, then go back to the east overnight to prepare for the sun’s guaranteed arrival. When they grow up they only face east and that brings me just as much comfort. That at the end of a long day, no matter how hard, they stand ready to greet another chance to do it all again. Yellow, bright, and shining. ✨🌿🌻☀️ fun fact: while I was making this image and doing some color edits on the original photo all I could think of was @mikey_motocicleta and her amazing book and love for sunflowers 🙏🏼🔑💛📒 #sweetdreams #theselfcarestudio #illustrationartists #photoshop #photooftheday #radicalselflove #sunflower #sunflowers🌻 #landscapephotography #landscape #mentalhealthawareness #depression #tryagain #anotherday https://www.instagram.com/p/BtkZMfHnKGx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8clllu7mcfln

[theselfcarestudio-blog]

“And remind yourself frequently why you chose to stay alive.” ✨🙏🏼💙❄️ It was about a year ago that I received my first ever piece of *fan* mail if I can call it that. From another beautiful bipolar human who had received the book I wrote (I Kept Things I Did Not Need) for Christmas from a family member. They got my address and sent me a letter explaining how I had put into words what they were feeling for 30+ years but we’re never able to articulate it. The letter arrived on a snowy day with a quote from the end of the book written on the outside. Seeing that, my words coming back to me, during a time when I really needed a reminder, was a whole new level of understanding the power behind vulnerability. The power of opening ourselves up to others is that we can become mirrors. And just like I can impact others, they can impact me just the same. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ It happened again this weekend when I was vending and this amazing young woman bought one of my prints and then quoted my words (that were written smaller on a journal in a larger illustration) later that night on Instagram with a photo of the illustration. I honestly hadn’t read through that smaller text in awhile since it was sort of *hidden* in the illustration. Again these words happened to be exactly that I needed to really hear in that moment. It hit me in my gut. 💕❤️ I am constantly humbled by the fact that I have so much learning to do, and even though I make this work - it is easy to lose sight of the effort and energy it takes to maintain remembering. So thank you to my boomerang friends who send my words right back to me when I need them most. I am ready to remember! 💙⭐️❄️ . . . . #theselfcarestudio #snow #selfcare #radicalselfcare #selfpublished #linkinbio #ikeptthingsididnotneed #radicalselflove #writersofinstagram #writingcommunity #author #artist #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #bipolar #depression #suicideprevention https://www.instagram.com/p/BtgZfeuHdx_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19dg2m1x68sly