timdrakelvr

[timdrakelvr]

I once saw a banana on the side of the road and wondered if it was escaping from a fruit salad, but then a cloud shaped like a dinosaur made me forget everything I ever knew about geometry. There’s a chair in my room that holds more clothes than my closet and honestly, I think it’s evolving into a sentient laundry creature that whispers judgment at night. Speaking of whispering, why do we never question the fact that shoelaces have the same energy as snakes but nobody’s afraid of them? My neighbor’s dog barked at a leaf for 10 straight minutes and I respected its commitment to chaos, unlike my toaster, which clearly has a grudge and pops my toast out with violent intent. Every time I hear a flute, I imagine a small woodland creature starting its taxes, and yet I still can’t fold a fitted sheet without summoning dark spirits from the linen realm. I once spilled glitter on my carpet and now it sparkles like a cursed treasure map that leads to disappointment and crunchy granola. Do fish ever get tired of swimming or are they just in a constant state of existential cardio? I ate a crayon once as a kid because it was purple and looked like ambition, and ever since then, I’ve been questioning my taste in both snacks and life decisions. Pineapples are basically armored fruit and we casually slice them open like medieval fruit assassins. I tried talking to my plant to see if it would grow faster and now I’m emotionally attached to a fern that judges me for eating instant noodles five nights a week. Sometimes I wonder if spiders look at humans and think, “Wow, that thing has way too many shoes for having only two feet.” My dreams are 40% laser tag and 60% running from ducks with briefcases, which I’m convinced is symbolic of absolutely nothing. Have you ever looked at a microwave and thought, “This is just a tiny food tanning bed that hums aggressively”? Anyway, I once named a rock “Greg” and lost it in the park, so now there’s probably a confused squirrel out there forming a religion around him. Rain smells like memories that never happened and I’m not emotionally prepared for umbrellas to be just upside-down parachutes that failed their mission. The other day I laughed so hard I hiccuped in Morse code and accidentally declared war on my own ribcage. There’s a fork in my drawer that’s slightly bent and I refuse to throw it out because it feels like it’s been through something and deserves respect. Somewhere out there, a person is licking a stamp for fun and I just think we should check on them. I wish I could scream in Helvetica sometimes, just to see if the font changes the emotional impact, but instead I just stare at ceiling fans and pretend they’re confused philosophers spinning through life like the rest of us.

[timdrakelvr]

The sky this morning looked like it had been dipped in melted creamsicle, and that somehow reminded me of the first time I ever saw a goat sneeze, which was both hilarious and mildly terrifying, like nature’s jump scare with fur. Speaking of fur, I still don’t fully understand why cats will stare at you like you just confessed to a murder when all you did was sneeze near them—it's the kind of judgment I expect from courtroom dramas, not four-legged roommates who poop in a box. But anyway, my phone autocorrected “eggs” to “existential dread” the other day, which honestly felt a little too on the nose for a Monday morning, especially considering how waffles are clearly superior in both texture and emotional support. Did you know that octopuses have three hearts and none of them can love you back? That’s tragic and beautiful, sort of like watching someone eat an entire rotisserie chicken on a park bench while pigeons cheer them on like tiny feathery hype men. I once tried to train myself to like black coffee because I thought it would make me mysterious, but it just made me jittery and filled with regret, like when you wave back at someone who wasn’t waving at you and now you have to move to another city and change your name. Honestly, toothbrushes are just tiny paintbrushes for your face bones, and nobody talks about that enough. I wonder what it would be like if people wore mood colors like squid skin, shifting from blue to crimson to lime green every time someone asks “what’s wrong” and you say “nothing” but your whole body turns into a disco of anxiety. And speaking of parties, who decided balloons are festive and not just rubbery representations of inflated expectations? My grandma used to say “you can’t ride two horses with one butt,” which I didn’t fully get until I tried to multitask my way through cooking, texting, and questioning the meaning of time, all while my pasta boiled over like it had personal vendettas. You ever sit on a swing and realize that gravity is just Earth’s way of hugging you too aggressively? Also, why aren’t we more concerned that mushrooms are closer to humans than plants, and they’re out here forming underground communication networks like spore-filled spies? I’m not saying mushrooms are planning something, but I’m also not not saying it. And somewhere between wondering if dogs know about Mondays and realizing I still don’t understand how magnets work, I remembered I left laundry in the washer three days ago and now it smells like forgotten dreams and mildew regret. Anyway, I think I’ll learn to knit today or maybe build a potato battery and power my self-worth with root vegetables—whatever keeps the void from asking too many follow-up questions.

[timdrakelvr]

The sky was a soft orange this morning, like someone spilled peach juice across the clouds, and it made me think about how ducks don't wear shoes, which is wild considering how much time they spend walking on questionable surfaces. Anyway, I still can’t believe cereal was once considered a revolutionary health food, but that’s not the point because my neighbor keeps painting his fence every week like it’s a form of therapy, and I respect that. There’s something oddly satisfying about peeling dried glue off your fingers, even though we all pretended it was gross in school, which reminds me—I need to buy new socks because my current ones are starting to resemble lace more than cotton. Penguins propose with pebbles and humans use diamonds, and I don’t know who has it right, but I know for sure that elevators should have music that plays based on your mood, like sad jazz for awkward silences. Speaking of music, why do all bangers feel like they belong in a montage of someone running away from their problems in slow motion? I once ate an entire watermelon by myself and questioned nothing until the seeds started to haunt my dreams, which is honestly less weird than the fact that we celebrate birthdays by blowing spit on a cake and then feeding it to our loved ones. Also, if mirrors are just shiny lies, do they ever reflect who we really are, or just who we think we’re pretending to be? Anyway, I think I left the oven on—wait, I don’t even own an oven.

[timdrakelvr]

Weekend at Bernie’s

synopsis: you dress up as Bernie for Halloween, see this post

warnings: mention of sex, little to no cursing, no other triggers apply

status: unfinished—I’ll finish it later

“Hey.”

“Hey—what are you wearing?” Tim asked, adjusting his fake mustache. It was Halloween night, and you had decided to drag him to a party. He was less than enthusiastic. But when you mentioned he could bring Kon—or Conner Kent, as you knew him—he agreed. He did suspect that you had only added that because you knew he would say yes.

“I’m Bernie.” You said confidently, adjusting your own fake mustache. His blank expression gave you pause, now you weren’t so confident. “…from Weekend at Bernie’s?”

Tim blinked.

“Did your parents not show you Weekend at Bernie’s? Two guys that work together visit their boss’s house. And their boss, Bernie, is dead. And they pretend he’s alive for the weekend. A woman has sex with Bernie’s corpse. Kids bury him in the sand. He wears sunglasses and this exact outfit.” You were shocked. Appalled even. You’d known his parents weren’t great, but you didn’t know they had denied him an education. This was unacceptable.

“Anyways, Conner will be here soon. And then we can go to the party.” Tim said after a moment, standing up from his desk and stretching his arms.

You snorted the second you saw his costume. “Luigi?”

“I like green, Bernie. And at least people can recognize what I’m supposed to be.”

You were offended, such cruel words shot from his mouth to your heart. You gasped, clutching your nonexistent pearls. “How dare you Timberly. How. Dare. You.” He raised an eyebrow in response as if to say “am I wrong?” He wasn’t. He never was. Not that you would stop trying to prove him wrong.

You huffed indignantly at his look, brushing off the cruel words from your cerulean jacket that remained unbuttoned. You had clearly put effort into the costume. Finding clothes that Tim knew to be out of fashion for decades. A baby blue and white thick-striped shirt, a cerulean Jean jacket, white khakis, and round circle hippie sunglasses. You’d even put a wig and a fake mustache on.

“So, where is this party, Bernie?” He asked, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“Nope. No party. I’ve decided, we need to sit and watch this movie.”

“What about Conner?”

“What about him? He’ll have to sit and watch with us.”

“…Are you sure? I want you guys to be friends but…”

“But what?” You asked, eyes looking anywhere but directly at Tim.

“He thinks you don’t like him. I think you don’t like him.”

“I don’t know him well enough to dislike him.” A crappy excuse. But you didn’t know how to explain to your best friend that his best friend made your skin crawl. Conner made you sweat. He made you tense. Aware of everything yet feeling like you know nothing. He wasn’t hiding something. You were sure about. Sure, Tim and his family were also hiding something, but at least they felt right. They felt human. Conner… didn’t. Not completely at least. He put you on edge.

“Fine. You don’t want to know him well enough.” Tim corrected with an irritated tone. You knew it had to hurt. Tim’s best friend just refused to get to know his other best friend.

“I… I’ll try tonight.” You said after a moment, offering him a small smile. He hummed un response and you took that as a chance to escape the conversation. You grabbed his hand and pulled him out of his room and down the stairs. Right before you got to the movie room—literally an at home theater, rich people are crazy—Conner arrived.

You felt it before you heard it. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up. Then you heard the door opening. Alfred didn’t greet him. He wasn’t even here. He was accompanying Damian and Jon—he gave you the same feeling that Conner did—while they went trick or treating. Jon’s suggestion, of course. You were secretly grateful that Damian wasn’t present. He was a cute kid but you always felt like he was just barely keeping from cursing you and your bloodline. He spoke like a Victorian child.

Conner walked into the room, already picking up on your discomfort. “Hey,” he said with what you just barely identified as confusion in his eyes.

“Wassup. Duuude…” Fuck. You were so fucking awkward right now. You slapped on what you hoped was a friendly grin. You looked like someone had a gun to your head.

Conner was dressed like Superboy. And… it kind of suited him…? “Superboy?” You asked, tilting your head curiously. He hummed and you nodded, “suits you.”

He looked genuinely surprised. And so did Tim. This was the first interaction where you weren’t treating him like a leper. “Thanks.” He said, still wide-eyed.

“Well, c’mon, we’re gonna watch Weekend At Bernie’s,” you said, pulling Tim towards the theater, glancing back at Conner.

— — —

So this is like totally unfinished, I’ll finish it later if I want to

tag list: @youallneedkopernik

[timdrakelvr]

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

[timdrakelvr]

My dad keeps saying write what you know

mf I’m literally writing fanfiction of my own life???

There’s nothing I know better????

[timdrakelvr]

I’ve decided to write fanfiction of my life because I’m my biggest fan and deserve quality content

[timdrakelvr]

once i beat the depression and the burnout and the anxiety and the loneliness and the exhaustion and the guilt and the awkwardness and the apathy and the low income and the chronic illness and the impatience and the vulnerability and the creative block and the capitalism and the cruelty THEN you'll see

[timdrakelvr]

Batman going to an alley because he heard a scream just to find Tim’s new civilian friend.

Who isn’t screaming.

But the mugger is screaming.

Because Reader sprayed the mugger with Bear mace.

Bruce: …

Reader who is also crying and coughing because some of the spray got through their mask: hello Batman!

[timdrakelvr]

In honor of Halloween, I think reader from this post would dress as Weekend At Bernie’s and like go all the way, fake mustache, a wig, making Tim carry them and talk for them, sunglasses, the exact outfit and everything

And then this is like the one night that they aren’t freaked by Conner

[timdrakelvr]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[timdrakelvr]

omg, or a reader that knows too much and is like “has anyone ever told you that you look like if Lex Luthor and Clark Kent had a baby?” just for shits and giggles

omg, imagine Tim makes a friend, reader, and introduces reader to Conner

And doesn’t tell reader that Conner is only half human (because he hasn’t even told reader that he and his family are vigilantes)

and reader already knew that there was something weird about Tim and his family—they’re all traumatized freaks that need crime fighting to even act semi-normal in their civilian lives—so, when they meet Conner, they immediately identify him as nonhuman. reader is very observant, hyper vigilant, and sensitive to facial expressions and mannerisms, due to being from a home with constant fighting during their developmental years(totally not projecting, don’t call me out on that)

and reader has learned to trust their instincts for reasons that I will make up later, so when their uncanny valley is set off by Conner, they make sure to never be alone with him—because why would something pretend to be human if it had good intentions???

and Conner just thinks “why doesn’t Tim’s friend like me????”

[timdrakelvr]

omg yes

I can’t believe i did my girl Kara dirty like that 😔

imagine a civilian that was already freaked out by Clark and Conner and suddenly they meet Kara and it’s like “holy fuck, I know she is definitely not human but does Clark know??? Does Clark know and he’s hiding it??? Is Clark one of whatever Kara is???”

do people in the DCU ever experience uncanny valley(uncanny valley is a psychological phenomenon that describes the feeling of unease or discomfort that people experience when they encounter an object that is almost human but not quite) with some of the more human looking aliens?

like Clark Kent—why can’t people tell he’s not human? everything he does is like carefully calculated to look human, is that why no one notices that he isn’t human?

is he just so good at pretending?

or maybe people get an uneasy feeling when they first meet Clark but he’s such a nice guy and no one else seems to feel it, so they just ignore it?

what about Conner Kent? he’s half human, would he still set off the whole uncanny valley feeling?

what about Jon? he’s also half human, but he’s not a clone. he has a human mother, does that change anything? he’s been going to a school with humans for an average human child amount of time

do the bats(who have definitely been trained to trust their instincts and gut feelings) automatically think “this might not be a human” when encountering an alien that hasn’t revealed themselves as nonhuman?

does Jason Todd set it off? I know he’s human, but he’s been dead before. and the feeling evolved from needing to distinguish the deceased and the diseased(and infectious) from healthy and alive people. so would he set it off?

just some questions swirling around in brain

[timdrakelvr]

omg, imagine Tim makes a friend, reader, and introduces reader to Conner

And doesn’t tell reader that Conner is only half human (because he hasn’t even told reader that he and his family are vigilantes)

and reader already knew that there was something weird about Tim and his family—they’re all traumatized freaks that need crime fighting to even act semi-normal in their civilian lives—so, when they meet Conner, they immediately identify him as nonhuman. reader is very observant, hyper vigilant, and sensitive to facial expressions and mannerisms, due to being from a home with constant fighting during their developmental years(totally not projecting, don’t call me out on that)

and reader has learned to trust their instincts for reasons that I will make up later, so when their uncanny valley is set off by Conner, they make sure to never be alone with him—because why would something pretend to be human if it had good intentions???

and Conner just thinks “why doesn’t Tim’s friend like me????”

[timdrakelvr]

working on this fic tooooooo

Tim Drake x reader from this world???

bonding over being admirers from afar, Tim knows how it feels to be forced to watch from afar, maybe not exactly like reader... but he knows

the difference is that he was able to join the ones he admired, he became part of the family

and now reader, thrown into the DCU, socially anxious and awkward (i'm totally not projecting), not wanting to insert themselves into something that wasn't made to include them but still craving to know these people in a way that was intimate and friendly and not stalker-ish/creepy

it's almost kind of sad how much Tim identifies with this new person who so obviously wants to know about them and talk to them

and it's even worse when Tim (and the rest of the batfam) notice just how much the reader holds themselves back. they don't want to be annoying. or invasive. or risk facing rejection from the people they've spent years admiring and loving and crying over and watching grow and learn.

Tim and reader both don't really belong(Tim belongs much more than reader). Tim's experience of being Robin was very different from everyone else's. Jason and Dick got the father-son moments that Tim didn't get with Bruce, and Tim did a lot of things that Jason and Tim wouldn't have had to do

just an idea in my brain

[timdrakelvr]

YES OMG

IMMEDIATELY WRITING A FIC LIKE THISSSS

Tim Drake x reader from this world???

bonding over being admirers from afar, Tim knows how it feels to be forced to watch from afar, maybe not exactly like reader... but he knows

the difference is that he was able to join the ones he admired, he became part of the family

and now reader, thrown into the DCU, socially anxious and awkward (i'm totally not projecting), not wanting to insert themselves into something that wasn't made to include them but still craving to know these people in a way that was intimate and friendly and not stalker-ish/creepy

it's almost kind of sad how much Tim identifies with this new person who so obviously wants to know about them and talk to them

and it's even worse when Tim (and the rest of the batfam) notice just how much the reader holds themselves back. they don't want to be annoying. or invasive. or risk facing rejection from the people they've spent years admiring and loving and crying over and watching grow and learn.

Tim and reader both don't really belong(Tim belongs much more than reader). Tim's experience of being Robin was very different from everyone else's. Jason and Dick got the father-son moments that Tim didn't get with Bruce, and Tim did a lot of things that Jason and Tim wouldn't have had to do

just an idea in my brain

[timdrakelvr]

On the other hand, Tim Drake x reader from this world but the reader is confident??? And doesn’t stand off to the side and admire from afar

They even call Tim “Timberly”

Tim Drake x reader from this world???

bonding over being admirers from afar, Tim knows how it feels to be forced to watch from afar, maybe not exactly like reader... but he knows

the difference is that he was able to join the ones he admired, he became part of the family

and now reader, thrown into the DCU, socially anxious and awkward (i'm totally not projecting), not wanting to insert themselves into something that wasn't made to include them but still craving to know these people in a way that was intimate and friendly and not stalker-ish/creepy

it's almost kind of sad how much Tim identifies with this new person who so obviously wants to know about them and talk to them

and it's even worse when Tim (and the rest of the batfam) notice just how much the reader holds themselves back. they don't want to be annoying. or invasive. or risk facing rejection from the people they've spent years admiring and loving and crying over and watching grow and learn.

Tim and reader both don't really belong(Tim belongs much more than reader). Tim's experience of being Robin was very different from everyone else's. Jason and Dick got the father-son moments that Tim didn't get with Bruce, and Tim did a lot of things that Jason and Tim wouldn't have had to do

just an idea in my brain