ureyesonly

[ureyesonly]

your only job on this earth is to be so intrinsically yourself that the right people gravitate toward you and the wrong people move out of your way

[ureyesonly]

Me, Myself, and My Endless Envy

Hi, it's been a while. My last post was about getting back on my grind, and I did for a short while– but fell off again. For the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling stagnant in life. It feels like nothing is happening at all– like i'm just waiting around for something to either happen to me or for me.

Maybe I could go out and make something happen, but what? Honestly, the thing that's been on my mind the most is the absolute lack of romance in my life. I go through these phases of thinking about it too much, but they're never longer than 2 days. It's been way longer than 2 days. I don't know why it's bothering me so much lately, and why it's gone on for much longer than usual.

It seems like in the lives of the people around me there is action, change, and realization. For me there is nothing– nothing but the same gradual observation and learning that I've been doing since I was a kid. I find myself asking myself and the universe: when? Of course, I am left with no answer.

I have been pouring into myself my entire life and I continue to do so every day. I enjoy pouring into myself, but when is it my turn to have that exciting fling? The all consuming one that your friends get tired of hearing but you're too preoccupied to care? When will someone else pour into me too? Something– anything.

Instead I am plagued with memories and dreams of what never was from 3-5 years ago for those are the only things to reminisce on (scraps and crumbs that no one else would likely appreciate so much). Instead I am to shake it off and keep it moving like I always have. I'm getting really, really sick of it. I can feel the anger brewing inside me little by little each day. But as always, no amount of talking about it changes anything. No amount of journal entries, no amount of pondering ever changes anything. I am left to write the same passage over and over and over again as the years pass.

– Xx.malice.xX

[ureyesonly]

(⸝⸝ᴗ﹏ᴗ⸝⸝) ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁.ᐟ  –>  

٩(ˊ〇ˋ*) .ᐟ.ᐟ.ᐟ.ᐟ

Getting Back On My Grind After Weeks of Rotting: Pressing play on paused habits.

The holidays were not good to me. JK, they were great– I got to see my dad for xmas, eat good food, and come home to vegas to party for new years. But…… I’ve been rotting ever since. 

It felt so good at first. I was finished with the fall semester, didn’t have to commute to school every week via AIRPLANE, and could finally relax at home and enjoy not being on the go for a few weeks until the spring semester starts up. 

I’ve been on my weight loss journey since October of 2024, and have since lost 10 lbs with consistent exercise and mindful eating (fun fact: S & I share the same personal trainer). But, of course, the holidays came and I said to myself “I’m just going to enjoy this time and not worry about working out or logging my food intake”. Luckily I didn’t gain any weight from eating like an absolute maniac for like 3 weeks straight, but now its time to pick up my habits and get back on the grind so I can continue my goal of losing 30 lbs before my birthday in July (44 if I really don't slack, but I have to be realistic here…. I’m gonna slack at some point….)

‎‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁ᝰ.ᐟ⩇⩇:⩇⩇જ⁀➴

Doing my scheduled workouts 6 times a week ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

For my personally tailored fitness plan, I have 6 workouts a week. Sounds like a lot but its not bad. The first three days are just a quick 20-30 minute at-home bodyweight workout that doesn't require any equipment + a 40 minute walk outside or on the treadmill. Pretty low effort and easy to do. The following three days are gym days with strength training and no cardio (minus one day, only 20 minutes on the elliptical, super easy). 

I get soooo lazy to do my workouts, specifically the at-home ones for some reason. I kind of hate those. But, I try to do them nonetheless. It's been two days since my first day back on the grind, and it has honestly felt really good to put good food in my body and get some movement. Plus, reminding myself that the results I want are just around the corner and all I need to do is keep going gets me really excited to finally meet my goals.

Fixing my HORRID sleep schedule ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

Ever since I was younger, and especially in recent years, I have been so awful at sleeping like a normal person. I go to sleep anywhere between 4 am and 9 am. Yeah, not fun and cool. Waking up with only an hour to enjoy daylight makes me feel terrible and in turn makes me unproductive because in my head, productivity is meant for the day time. I can't be productive if I'm not awake during the day LOL. I’ve created a goal to sleep no later than 1:30 AM and wake up no later than 9:30-10 AM. I’ve been trying to fix this habit for years, but i’ve never had the drive to do so. Now that I've shown myself that it is possible for me to actually stick to something (fitness journey), I have more hope and determination and discipline to finally conquer this horrible habit. 

Keeping a habit tracker ＿〆(。。)

I recently filled out a habit tracker my dad got me months ago that I never used. I have realistic things I can do and enjoy doing– like getting ready for the day, journaling, tidying up my house before winding down for the night, etc. Like I said, i’m finally building up self discipline– having a physical list to check off and visually keep track of my habits is a good thing for me. 

Not letting a slip turn into a slide ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

Almost 2 years ago, I read Jennette McCurdy’s book “I'm Glad My Mom Died”. In the book she speaks on getting over her bulimia, and the role model in her life told her “don't let a slip turn into a slide”. This really stuck with me, and I remind myself of it often when I catch myself slipping up. It means that a mistake doesn't have to snowball if you don't want it to. For example, if i accidentally ripped the corner of an important paper, I wouldn't saying "screw it" and rip the whole thing to shreds.

I slipped up a few times since my fitness journey started in October, but all I had to do was accept that what was done was done, and tomorrow is a new day that I can get back on track. Even when I didn’t workout for two weeks straight (which could be considered a slide to some, but not to me), I thought to myself “just because I slipped up for two weeks doesn't mean I should give up forever”. In the years prior, I would have given up. It was all or nothing to me back then. Now, I’ve learned that something, even the tiniest of things, is better than nothing. 

I realized being mean to myself and using tough love just doesn’t work at all: I work better when I have positive, encouraging thoughts and gentle reminders that I'm not perfect and I never will be. Progress takes time and beating myself up is counterproductive. 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Like ★star, I don’t quite believe in new year's resolutions. I used to, but there was so much pressure to fix every bad habit I’ve ever had on the first of each year, and it never ever worked. To me, new year’s resolutions are just an extension of the all or nothing mentality: most people think “well, I fell out of my good new year’s habits, better luck next year”– completely forgetting the fact that they still have quite literally 10 whole months to keep trying. I’m so excited to get back on track and continue my journey, and I’m even more excited to become the person I always wanted to be.

ﾒ𝟶ﾒ𝟶,

Xx.malice.xX

[ureyesonly]

[ureyesonly]

My ˚ ༘⋆2025✧˚ ༘ ⋆ New Year's Resolutions

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ

Clickbait title because I don't believe in New Year's resolutions haha. Set goals and show up for yourself no matter the time of year!

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ

🎀 Focus On My Health 🎀

I haven't gone to a doctor of any kind in years because I'm afraid. My fear comes from the loss of many family members and family friends in the last 1-2 years due to serious health conditions. I have anxiety regarding my own health because of it but am too afraid to go and hear something life changing. I see how contradictory that is so I am picking up my big girl pants and making it happen. Preventative care is extremely important! (I also need to bleed my health insurance dry before I'm kicked off at 26 (ᴗ_ ᴗ。) )

Doctors appointments to be made:

Primary Care (Annual Physical)

Gynecologist (Annual Exam)

Dentist (Semi-Annual Exam + Cleaning)

Urologist

Gastroenterologist

Dermatologist (Cancer Screening)

Optometrist (Annual Exam)

Another, less serious part of this goal is to continue in the gym. I have been going somewhat consistently since February 2024 and plan to keep this habit. I am pleased with my body aesthetically at this point so I'll be centering this goal around my overall health. Moving your body is an amazing tool for physical and mental health no matter how much I'd like to deny it ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ

🎀 Pay Off My Debt 🎀

I have been slowly chipping away at my debt and I would really like to absolve myself of it entirely in 2025. I made bad financial decisions in 2022 and ignored my debt all of 2023 so it's time to get rid of this very annoying burden. If you are reading this and you're at the age or nearing the age you can apply for a credit card, get a secure credit card until you have a good job!!!!! Do not get a standard credit card it is way too tempting.

🎀 No Pulling From My Savings 🎀

I have a nasty habit of pulling money from my savings for unnecessary things and it is time to do a full stop. I am only allowing myself to pull money out for emergencies (what it's actually for) and important life experiences. I travel out of the country once a year with M and another close friend and I plan to keep making those memories while I'm young. However, I am limiting myself to 2 life experience savings pulls so I don't bleed my savings dry "for the plot". If I want to do anything else I need to budget for it properly and say goodbye to FOMO.

🎀 Save $10k By January 2026 🎀

This is a lofty goal but I recently accepted (and moved across country) for a salary job so it is completely doable for me. I am aware that this rides on my living situation staying the same as I split rent with my boyfriend, so I won't beat myself up if life gets in the way of this one. I am very privileged and blessed to be able to set this goal for myself at my age so I won't take it for granted!

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ

All of my financial goals are possible with the help of a budgeting spreadsheet I utilize. I'll put the link here ♡ྀི ₊ (I have no affiliation with the creator I just love the product).

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ

If you are setting goals for 2025 remember that faltering is not failure. As long as you continue trying you are not failing! Be kind to yourself and the world will do the same (⸝⸝> ᴗ•⸝⸝)

Xoxo,

★star

[ureyesonly]

2024 Recap ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ

January

Dinner with my family

Club with my best friend Gg

February

Week long trip to Puerto Rico with M and a close friend

Started with a personal trainer

Finished 2 books

Got a Korn tattoo in memory of my tia

March

Local dive bar with Gg

Started seeing visible progress in the gym

Beyond Wonderland with M

Emo Night alone (first solo outing :0)

April

Day club with Gg

May

Many drunk Fortnite duos with my bf this month

My dog got into 900mg of edibles and took a hospital vacation

Renaissance Faire with friends for my bday (I was a dark elf - Skyrim reference bwahaha)

Goth club with a friend on the day of my bday (I turned 23!)

June

Finished A Court Of Thorns and Roses (got M and a close friend obsessed with the series too)

Went to Gg's mom's bday party (Mexican family parties will always be top tier)

Went to the dog beach tons with my bf (learned my dog hates the beach and his dog loves the beach)

Jacuzzi and drinks with Gg and a friend

July

Threw M a surprise party at my house (she was GONE by the end of the night)

Got the Jujutsu Kaisen sauce from McDonalds (disgusting)

Had a cocktail making contest with my bf and friends (we made Fortnite shield)

August

Went to Disneyland with my bf for our 1 year anniversary

Dinner and an arcade with my family for my sister's bday (she turned 12 (╥﹏╥) )

Built the Grogu lego set and watched the first Star Wars movie with my bf for his bday (he turned 23)

September

Spent a day in Los Angeles with my mom (went to Serj Tankian's coffee shop, rooftop bar, Museum of Death, and LACMA)

Horror movie themed coffee shop with my cousin

Flew to New Jersey with my mom (apartment hunting, visited my great grandpa and tia in New York, dinner with the owner of my new company)

Bar hopping with my cousin

Friends hosted my going away party

October

Packed my belongings and drove from California to New Jersey with my dog and bf (visited M and a close friend in Las Vegas, saw the Grand Canyon)

Bar hopping in Hoboken with bf on Halloween (I was Choso from Jujutsu Kaisen and he was Denji from Chainsaw Man)

November

A guy at a bus stop below my apartment window mailed me a postcard asking to get to know me?

Obsession with Good Pizza Great Pizza began

Became a brand rep for a cannabis company as a side gig

Drove in New York for the first time (SCARY)

December

Saw snowfall for the first time

Got Pierce the Veil eras tour tickets!!!

Got System of a Down + Korn tour tickets!!!

[ureyesonly]

Question: What do you do in the winter to entertain yourself?

This is my first time living in a place that has a real winter with snow and freezing temperatures. I'm originally from California so no matter the month I could go out with friends if I got bored of my hobbies. Now I can't ( •̀ - •́ ) I can't because 1. I know no one out here and 2. it's cold!!! I have been watching movies, shows, reading books, articles, posting to this blog, playing video games, cooking, listening to music, working out... I'M BORED. Very large sigh.

-★star

[ureyesonly]

My Melancholy Playlist ☔︎ Part 1

My playlist when I feel sad and want to wallow in it.

In no particular order -`♡´-

-★star

[ureyesonly]

Admitting I'm Not A Positive Person

I grew up in an angry household with an angry father. I knew how to differentiate his footsteps from my mother's and sprinted to my room when I heard his keys unlocking the door. I'm sure you can guess what my punishments were like. I am a product of my environment, so naturally I became an angry person too.

I was bullied heavily and moved schools frequently hoping I would find one that was different. At first, I was too shy to defend myself but after constant verbal and physical abuse from others I became more bold. I learned that reacting explosively discouraged them so I kept doing it. Instead of the shy girl I once was, I was the girl people knew to stay away from because she was mean. As a means of survival I became an angry, negative person and forgot to let it go when it was no longer needed.

As an adult I have learned to regulate my emotions and I don't consider myself to be an angry person anymore. However, that angry girl still resides within me and pushes me to remain a negative person. I appreciate her for everything she protected me from because we got through a great deal together, but its time to move on.

These are the things that keep me a negative person:

𐙚 I assume the worst intentions from acquaintances or strangers.

𐙚 My first instinct is disgust or irritation in place of empathy.

𐙚 I am stand offish and have a hard time trusting others.

𐙚 How I feel about my close friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers changes drastically with no warning. To say it simply, one moment I think they are a good person and in another moment I think they are a bad person.

𐙚 I tend to think in black and white.

────୨ৎ────

In recent months I have felt the longing to be a positive person and to better myself in general. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions but I guess you could say this is one of mine.

I'll be making a separate post closer to the New Year with ways to begin your journey to becoming a positive person. It's never too late to reinvent yourself ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

Love,

★star

[ureyesonly]

our blog personified <3

;P

[ureyesonly]

Layering Fragrance 101 *.𖥔݁ 

How to build your own unique scent combo

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

✮⋆˙The Basics: Smelling good starts in the shower & ends in a spritz! 

1. Pick a body wash to serve as your foundational fragrance 2. Choose a scrub to compliment your body wash 3. Use scented lotion/body cream from head to toe 4. Apply a fragrance oil to your pulse points: neck, chest, crook of your elbows, wrists, behind your knees, and ankles 5. Spray a fragrance mist all over 6. Choose a perfume to lock everything in

✮⋆˙Base Notes, Middle Notes, and Top Notes: The building blocks of fragrance

To put it simply:

Base notes: The foundational scent that adds warmth and depth to your fragrance, the last thing you smell in your mix and what lasts the longest of all notes

Middle notes: The bridge between base and top notes; seamlessly ties scents together. The main course of the fragrance!

Top notes: The initial scent you smell, the loudest scent in a fragrance for the first few minutes

⋅₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧‧

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ 

ﾟ。Homework

　ﾟ·. .·ﾟ

Search the fragrance notes of your favorite perfume on Fragrantica!

Go to Bath and Body Works and smell different body sprays, then flip the bottle around to see the notes on the back

Find the common notes you like when comparing your favorite scents. Do you notice a pattern of fruity notes? Musky? Sweet?

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

!! : Once you have an idea of what notes you like and what they smell like paired with other notes, you’ll have a better understanding of how to maximize your scent building and layering.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

Now to Layer……

Pick a theme for your scent combo. Here’s an example of my combo when I’m in the mood to smell fruity and tropical:

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

✮⋆˙So let’s build a hypothetical scent combo together, shall we? Let's say I want to smell like a chocolate banana crepe. Random scent that doesn’t exist, right?

⭒˚I’d probably start off with a body wash that has some sort of nutmeg, cinnamon, or amber scent. Or maybe something with a gourmand accord note. 

Here are some body wash options I’d consider for this combo: Olay - Sugar & Cocoa Butter  Philosophy - Fresh Cream Warm Cashmere  Bath and Body Works - Christmas Cookies Caress - Shea Butter & Brown Sugar

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

⭒˚Next up is a scrub. I’d look for something with similar notes, but not exactly the same. Maybe this time something to represent the banana or sweetness of a crepe. If you can find a matching scrub, that works too– but I personally like to mix and match to really make my own scent. 

Here are some body scrub options I’d consider for this combo: Soap & Glory - Smoothie Star Breakfast Scrub Dove - Crushed Macadamia & Rice Milk Dove - Hot Cocoa Swirl

!! : Body wash and scrubs are pretty forgiving. Remember, you don't have to stick to strict fragrance notes to pull off a scent combo– venture out! Pair whatever you think might smell good together. Smell is subjective :) 

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

⭒˚Next is a body moisturizer of some kind. This can be a body cream, lotion, body butter, or even body oil (though I’m not too well versed in body oils). Since we have the basics covered, now I can either double up on some notes or introduce new notes like whipped cream, vanilla, chocolate fudge, etc. 

Here are some moisturizer options I’d consider for this combo: Kwailnara - Banana Milk  Being Frenshe - Moon Milk Bodycology - Whipped Vanilla

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

⭒˚Moving on to fragrance oil. Again, doubling up or introducing new notes.

Here are some fragrance oil options I’d consider for this combo: Al-rehab - Choco Musk Roll On Oil  H&M - Choc Sugar Milk - Banana Pudding 

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

⭒˚Almost done! Let’s pick a body spray. 

Here are some body spray options I’d consider for this combo: Dirty Soul Soap Co. - Banana Milk Pie Body Fantasies Signature - Vanilla Bath and Body Works - Hot Cocoa & Cream

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

⭒˚Last but certainly not least, perfume!! Finally…. 

Here are some perfume options I’d consider for this combo: Sabrina Carpenter - Sweet Tooth Comptoir Sud Pacifique - Vanille Banane Ariana Grande - Vanilla Suede 

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

Phew!!!! I don't know about you people but my mental nose is completely blind at the moment. So many scents to choose from! Again, don’t feel confined to making sure every product has a certain fragrance note– it's pretty impossible. Play around with different scents: spray perfumes over each other and test them out. Mix body washes if you want! Who cares? Your next favorite body scent might just be two separate scents that were never meant to go together, and you’ll be the only one wearing it <3

ﾒ𝟶ﾒ𝟶,

Xx.malice.xX

[ureyesonly]

☆ Masterlist ☆

This will be updated as more posts are released!

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

Think Pieces ✮⋆˙

Social Media Is Suffocating

Life Advice ✮⋆˙

Why Your 20s Are the Prime Time For Being Single

Tips To Make Social Media Fun Again

Beauty ✮⋆˙

Layering Fragrance 101

Diary Entries ✮⋆˙

Confessions Of A Serial Dater

How I Became the Sole Victim Of My Own Crime

Admitting I'm Not A Positive Person

Me, Myself, and My Endless Envy

Misc ✮⋆˙

Getting Back On My Grind After Weeks of Rotting: Pressing play on paused habits

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

[ureyesonly]

Unpopular opinion —

Cute but overpriced skincare products, trendy supplements, and aesthetic workout gear won’t be the key to your glow up.

Taking retinol but not eating your vegetables will not make your skin age less

Hydration isn’t just about serums; it’s about drinking water

Collage production isn’t just about fancy creams, it’s about eating nutrient rich foods like leafy greens and berries

Glow doesn’t come from overpriced skincare, it comes from balanced meals, less sugar, and good sleep

Moving your body consistently, even if it’s walking is better than bying every workout set you’ve seen on instagram

Don’t give in to the trap of consumerism disguised as self-care. Your glow up isn’t for the sale. It’s in the basics.

[ureyesonly]

───────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────

take me back pls

Xx.malice.xX

[ureyesonly]

♡ Tips To Make Social Media Fun Again ♡

✮⋆˙ A follow up of this post ✮⋆˙

♡ Unfollow & Remove

I get it, it's easy to feel guilty about unfollowing and removing someone from your account when they haven't done anything necessarily wrong. If you are consistently skipping someone's posts or even go so far as to mute their entire account it's time to let them go. Do it! They most likely won't notice or care and you will feel free, I promise. I went from almost 900 followers on Instagram to 63 and I have never felt better.

♡ Go Private

Make your account private to avoid wandering eyes. Think of how many times you have stalked someone's account because of enticing drama you heard from a friend. Now think of how many people have done that to you. It feels weird, right? Controlling who has access to you makes posting on social media much less suffocating. Evil eye is real. Beware!

♡ Curate Who You Follow

Don't follow the people that make you feel the why not me's and start following creatives. Following influencers who have the things you want sounds alluring until you're having a bad day. What you surround yourself with is what creates your perception so find accounts that make you feel inspired, motivated, happy.

Some examples of the type of content that may resonate with you:

♡ Art

♡ Writing / Poetry

♡ Self Help

♡ Fitness

♡ Post Your Niche

It sounds daunting because having a niche seems like a thing only really put together people have. It's not! A niche is whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you want to keep posting. Is your niche something that is popular with the majority? Probably not, and that's okay. This blog's aesthetic is 2000's emo/scene/mcbling/y2k. These aesthetics absolutely don't connect with the majority like the Lana clean girl aesthetic that's popular right now, but it's what makes M and I happy. Having a unique niche makes it so much more rewarding when like-minded accounts like your content. Don't post what garners the most engagement, post what you like.

♡ Do Not Disturb ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

After you post put your phone on DND and throw it as far away from you as possible. It sounds like a joke but I'm being serious <( °^° )> Sitting on your phone waiting for likes and comments is anxiety inducing for everyone so it's best to go find something else to do while you wait. While I wait I read, watch a show, play a game, clean. Do what your heart desires in the moment to get your mind off of it.

♡ Interact

Like, comment, share! I'm not sure when it became uncool to interact with people you don't know. I fell into that trap and didn't realize until I started these tips myself. Who cares if people you know see you interacting with others? They are not responsible for what makes you feel passion and excitement. Interacting with others is the sole reason for social media to exist so reap the benefits and create a community you enjoy.

♡ Fulfill Yourself Outside Of the Internet

This is easier said than done and I can admit it is the hardest to do. However, that is not to deter you from doing it! If your life is consumed by social media it becomes mundane. You have seen it all and now you're just waiting around for the next viral thing to happen. Find something you like doing outside of being online and coming back to your socials becomes so much more fun. Remember, it's a hobby not a lifestyle.

⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰

I have felt suffocated and pressured on social media for years and thought there was no way out of it. These things helped me rediscover how fun social media can be and I hope they do the same for you! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

Good luck!

★star

[ureyesonly]

How I Became the Sole Victim of My Own Crime

~ My Roll as Both the Punisher and the Hostage ~

“I always regret being vulnerable after the moment is over. I feel like I'm trapped by my own hand. I want to be vulnerable but at the same time I hate the thought of it and I feel embarrassed afterwards….. I hate the idea of anyone knowing this side of me because growing up, I always had to be the emotional support person and the mediator…. I don't let people see my vulnerable side because I’ve always been the strong one they can come to, and it’s out of character for me to be openly vulnerable.”

[excerpt from my journal, 2022]

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For as long as I can remember, emotional vulnerability has always been something shameful, hidden, and repressed. Many nights were spent crying with my hand over my mouth, trying not to make any noise because god forbid anyone knew that I was actually capable of crying. If sadness came before midnight, the bathroom at home became the only place where I could spend as long as I wanted without the possibility of someone knocking on my bedroom door and discovering me. 

My mom was the biggest cause of this, even though she didn’t mean it or realize it. Her childhood was rough and horrific, and she truly did the best she could considering her experience with life. But sometimes, the best still isn't enough. 

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In high school, I became obsessed with being a confidante for my peers. I was obsessed with being a listening ear and giving advice. At the time, I thought I was just a nice person who wanted to help– and while that was partly true, the real reason was more selfish than I would have ever admitted to. The true reason I stayed up for hours on school nights prodding and helping acquaintances with their problems was because I secretly hoped that they’d remember what I did for them and return the favor. I was so desperate for someone to listen to me without having to ask them for it directly, because I was too embarrassed to admit that I needed help too. It never happened. 

As I got older, I stopped putting myself in the position to be used and discarded emotionally. I became stiff and cold and unapproachable. A complete 180. I still struggle with emotional vulnerability, so badly that it wasn’t even noticeable on my face the days following my mom’s death last year. Of course I cried. Of course my insides were being torn to shreds every single day– but I just couldn’t let anyone see. I spent those days laughing and smiling. The day of her memorial, my sister had made a slideshow of my mom’s life in pictures. When it ended, my immediate thought was, “Where can I go that will limit the amount of people that will follow and potentially witness the breakdown I am about to have?”. I made an escape route: it was either out the side door and to the street or inside to the bathroom. I chose the bathroom, naturally [oh, my history with bathrooms]. 

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I am the epitome of a poker face. The lump in my throat always gets swallowed, whether I'm around people or alone. I rarely cry alone anymore, the only times being when I have months and months and months of build up. Now, when I get these rare 45 minute-capped meltdowns once or twice a year, the only evidence that I was ever upset are red, itchy bumps on my elbows. They only come after I finally burst. 

I take pride in being able to stay strong, to never falter. I look down on those who express themselves openly– who can cry and be comforted– for being weak. I roll my eyes at others’ sensitivity. But the truth is: I am so unbelievably, incredibly, and irrevocably jealous. I want to be comforted, held, and reassured without the girl in my head staring me down and shaking her own head in silence. She’d be disappointed in me. Embarrassed of me. And afterward, she’d yell at me and remind me that now someone knows us, and that I've given them the upper hand on a silver platter. She holds me hostage with nothing more than a stern look, and I know to stay in line. She is me, and I am her. I am the punisher and I am the hostage.

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Xx.malice.xX

[ureyesonly]

BIOHAZARD!!