vanx-97 - Tumblr blog

[vanx-97]

I see him, but I don't think you can

He takes you away, leads you by the hand

Time is running out fast

From your hourglass, he took your sand

So much to say, but why?

It won't stay inside your mind

I used to be there in your memories

I suppose we all get left behind

I'm a stranger, you don't know me

I'm just no one, fading slowly

I can't stop him, oh if only

But I won't let him leave you lonely

It hurts to watch, it really does

To watch him take the one you love

Alzheimer just wont give up

Eventually he'll have both of us

[vanx-97]

When will I feel okay?

The world is out to get me everyday

Will I find happiness?

If I do, what difference will it make?

I've been distant for a couple of months

Comfortable with being numb

These emotions, I feel none

Just a shell is what I've become

This frown, they know it well

They're tired of seeing it, I can tell

Wish it was something I could fix

I think it's a part of myself

I see them all, they love their lives

It must be so easy for them at night

Monsters torment me in the dark

And they keep me cold in the light

[vanx-97]

Who am I to hate this life?

People dying that actually wanna be here

I have trouble feeling alright

Been this way for more than a year

I see your chariots and your castles

I also see the people who cannot eat

Wage war when no one wants to battle

It's only yourself that you defeat

Why do we take what is not ours?

No one likes it when they're the victim

All I hear are broken hearts

Maybe we could all take a listen

[vanx-97]

They keep me up every night

All the monsters that lurk inside

They’re the reason your friends leave your life

They’re the reason your parents always fight

They’re in the woods, hiding in the streets

They’re in the schools, they’re on TV

They break the strong and hurt the weak

They hate love and scream at peace

They like us to be confused, they make it known

They like violence to be domestic in our homes

They want the whole world to feel alone

When you feel small that’s when they start to grow

They take your life and throw it in the trash

They make you hold on to your past

Make you relive all of the bad

You get eaten from the inside while they laugh

[vanx-97]

We collided like a hadron circle

Everything was perfect

Hatred grew beneath the surface

Now this shit just isn’t working

I just question was it worth it

Stuck in a relationship and all it ever did was hurt us

I don’t think we did deserve it

We know this was not on purpose

This was no one’s fault the universe was tryna let us know

We just didn’t listen

Could not let eachother go

[vanx-97]

Leave me here alone to die

I’m so tired of you making me cry

This life I live is not mine

Your words control me all the time

Out my mind, you want me gone

On the inside I don’t belong

You make me feel like I can’t hold on

That the person I am is so wrong

I should be like this

I should be like that

Stick to the script

Being different is bad

My work is cliche, nothing new

This thing here won’t get you far

Keep your job, stay in school

You’re not very good at making art

I don’t want to listen to you

I don’t want to do what they do

I am nothing, if what you say is true

Then if I fail at what I love, there’s nothing to lose

[vanx-97]

All the nights with no rest

All the time that was spent

All these dreams in your head

of a life with no stress

Some people don’t want you to win

They don’t like your success

You’re doing better than them

And they just want you dead

[vanx-97]

Here I sit in the same predicament I always been in

Someone doesn't exist, we are no longer with them

I miss them, to their wisdom I should of listened

Don't know who you have until they are oblivion

Look to your left and your right

Try to hold those people tight

If you feel you're someone who isn't liked

Someone loves you in this life

Such a piece of the universe

Such little time on this earth

Sometimes we treat each other the worst

Some voices are never heard

Sometimes we don't get the love we deserve

Everything can be so complex

You never know who you'll lose next

Enjoy every moment you get

And enjoy every moment that hasn't happened yet

[vanx-97]

I'm so tired of having these fights

I think I have lost my mind

Who are you and who am I?

Why do you make me wanna die?

I get the feeling that you don't care

You being nice has gotten so rare

Your disdain is all you share

Of your hate I am well aware

Do you love me? Or did you forget?

Am I just a blur inside your head?

How many moments do we have left?

Will these words still rip our flesh?

On the inside I feel dead

On the inside you seem confused

I know you try your best

But all these memories you still lose

Will we be able to find peace?

All the war, the destruction, and the grief

All this havoc that we wreak

Will these be the memories I get to keep?

[vanx-97]

I don't think I'm mad now

Even though you made me hate who I liked being around

Made me feel like it was nothing I would amount

Little truth in your words is what I found

I talked about pain, but who listened?

Growing up, no support system

So much that I kept hidden

So many things broken, you couldn't fix them

I felt so isolated

In my room where I was safest

I wanted no conversations

No one to see what I was facing

You lied to me when you had my trust

Now I trust no one no matter what

I want to believe that I was loved

I want to believe it wasn't made up

[vanx-97]

I think I'm ready to face these demons

A distance from me, they've been keeping

I think they noticed that I stopped weeping

They seem uncomfortable I'm no longer retreating

What's wrong? I thought I was insignificant

Everything I built you diminished it

This is your hell that I was a victim in

Does it bother you that I'm not giving in?

Who I held close, you took me from

All alone is what I've become

You took my hope, you made me numb

I let you grow, but now I'm done

I've been miserable, I've been weak

I'm in the exact place you want me to be

Now I'M the one YOU are afraid to see

I want to hear the last breath you breathe

I want to make your existance cease

I want to feel you scream, taste you bleed

I want you gone from reality

Your demise will be my peace

I'm sorry DEPRESSION, it's time for you to leave…

[vanx-97]

To whom it may concern:

I am taking a break from posting my poetry here. When I started posting poetry to Tumblr, everything was fine. Now it feels like everytime I go to write something, a bunch of people are going to read it. I am starting to worry too much about what people will think. It is causing me to overthink and that is not doing my creativity any good.

Thank you, to everyone that has read my poems. I am happy if you enjoyed them. I appreciate everyone in Tumblr's poetic community.

[vanx-97]

Maybe I'm not who I'm supposed to be

Are these the wrong ones I hold close to me?

Can I count on them emotionally?

If I can't find myself, who did they meet?

Have you felt like you don't know who your are?

Is this my brain, is this my body, is this my heart?

Are these thoughts we have really ours?

Are they just chemical reactions like the stars?

Are these people the ones we love?

Are these enemies the ones we hate?

Do these emotions belong to us?

Do these emotions belong to fate?

[vanx-97]

All the evils that I witnessed

People who died, but I didn't

I don't really like the life that I'm livin

I wish I could trade places with those victims

Maybe they'd enjoy the world if they were in it

[vanx-97]

I think we are starting to lose control

We're afraid of what the future holds

So many truths we don't know

So many lies we've been told

Humans are getting used to being in the dark

Used to no feelings in our hearts

Is living together really so hard?

Have we forgotten who we truly are?

Missile meteors and bullet storms

Loved ones that aren't here anymore

What's the point of winning a war

We all lost someone, what's the victory for?

Why do you hate them? Why do they hate you?

All the innocent people, why do they die too?

Parents can't see their families, kids can't go to school

What did they do to deserve what they go through?

It's not a few hurt, we are all hurt

And everyday the pain gets worse

Our own kind that treats us like dirt

The ones who live here watch it burn