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Why I find heroes boring

I noticed myself thinking about Cyanide as a gleeful killer again. It made me feel a little bad about how all my main characters are selfish bastards, and that got me to think, hey, that’s just what I find interesting.

I had already come to the conclusion that I hate the paragon of virtue type traditional hero, and today I realised why. I hate the propaganda. I like characters with a smich of reality to them: all humans are on some level selfish, even if that selfishness drives them to being nice and self-sacrificing. I like Daniel and Fetcher specifically because they are mindlessly devoted to their object of affection out of a survival instinct. They don’t want to think about why they want to do it because it is easier that way. I find that mindset fascinating!

I usually end up liking the villains of stories more than the heroes because the villains are almost always granted more real traits than the heroes. The heroes do good things and are nice just because that is the default, whereas the villains do things out of selfishness. This is why I found villain protagonists interesting, I want to follow a selfish asshole around and watch them do shit so I can analyse why they do it. The hero is rarely granted this kind of agency.

The lance is usually the only traditionally heroic character I end up liking, purely because they are the only archetype granted any selfish instincts. Everyone else always does good just because they have to. There is no room to ask why. I hate the paragon archetype because they are based on a lie, on propaganda. They are the reason why so many nice people in real life live in terror that they are secretly an evil person and just don’t know it, because they have been brainwashed to compare themselves to characters who are “pure of heart.”

The only way for me to find that kind of pure-of-heart character interesting is if they doubt themselves and have insecurities from this propaganda and/or from the pressures of being used as this propaganda. Like I tried with Hope: he was this perfect image of the hero, but on the inside, he doubted it a lot. He feared that if he showed any weakness, he would no longer be worthy of love. The mistake I made with Hope was trying to make him into the main character. I have a theory that this character would work best as the love interest with a pov, in a story where the main character learns that their love isn’t flawless and that he doen’t have to worry about not being worthy of him, and the loveinterest learns that he can be loved, imperfections and all. Hell, putting it like that and switching the roles around, I find the thought of writing this story fun again!

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people think writers make good English teachers but the opposite is true. sixth grader asks why she can’t start a sentence with “and” and im like idk girlie grammar is a construct and language is a fluid gelatinous animal. people used to write “thou” and they were being totally unironic about it. start your sentences with an exclamation point for all i care. a+

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Like how the fuck does characteer design work?

At the start of last year, I made Alejandro (left) and Fetcher (right) in this picrew.

Today, I decided to look it up because Fetcher's expression and Ali's everything kept bugging me when I saw them in my gallery.

You see, even after writing a novella about him, I never really gave Ali a look. His hair was pink and short because I was lazy and it was the first thing to pop into my head, and the only distinct feature he had were his eyes.

I hated how neither of the old versions reflected the characters' personalities. Especially now that I understand character design slightly more. (idk how y'all visual artists do it, I use up all my brain cells thinking up just one distinct character design)

After trying again, I felt way more satisfied with his look this time, and if I write a sequel, he will be getting a haircut. The downside of this otherwise great picrew is that the facial expressions are quite limited, so I made just one of Fetcher.

Bonus Ali:

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Maybe I'm just face blind but I find fiction that describes the way a character carries themself to be way more useful in remembering a character's appearance than what rock their eyes remind the narrator of.

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🎼🎹In love with a gentle creature

Every time I come across a song that reminds me of Puppylove I add it to this playlist. I keep changing my mind on if I should make it properly themed, or if I should just throw in all the goodies I have scavenged.

Anyway here's a playlist to chill out to.

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Genuine question but pls keep it civil.

I would never use AI to write literally anything for me, especially when it comes to fics or WIPs or any piece of creative writing because wtf is the point of that. But I am curious how yall feel about AI or chatgtp being used to plan out/come up with ideas for writing books/fics.

Due to my lack of confidence and resources, I’ve used it to ask questions like I do on here, like “does this plot point even make sense” or “would this be more thematically impactful than this” but I’m starting to think that’s almost as bad as the writing.

What’s ya’ll’s (can you tell I’m Texan) takes on using AI in the outlining/planning/ideas part of writing but not the writing part itself?

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Daniel Grimm (née Black) (he/him), 29~

If anybody has been wondering wtf I have been getting upto instead if writing, it was thinking about this guy.

How about a nabygirl (30M) except he is really wholesome and lovely and his life is rough --- but not to a fetishistic extent --- and he perseveres and we root for him? Well here's one.

He is kind and soft but also won't take anybody's shit. Call that sweet and spicy.

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Genre

All of it, fantasy, horror, romance, drama etc

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Trigger warnings

Mention of eye damage/trauma

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Basic Information

Nicknames

❛ DD ❜

It's a shortened version of his name, though rarely used.

❛ Vix ❜

Since he is very feminine and his animal symbol is the desert fox, I sometimes playfully call him Vix, as in vixen, a female fox.

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Name

Daniel Black

His last name changes all the time, but his first name is always the same. Daniel is a Westernized version of his birth name: Daniil, a popular name in Russia.

Slutz

This has been his maiden name a couple of times. It originates from the sim of Daniel I made and has since been referenced once in the story. I often misspelt this as Slitz somehow. I actually did while writing this bit.

Krasny

Russian for red, beautiful. This is his russian last name. It hasn't been used much yet but i chose it because I find the idea of him going from red to black amusing.

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Age

Anywhere from 25-40, it varies.

Birthday

Unknown. Most likely in June, maybe at the end of May.

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Zodiac

Gemini

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Gender

Cis+ male

He has figured out what his gender is and is very comfortable being a femboy.

Attraction

Bi/Gay

He is mostly attracted to masculinity/men, but occasionally a woman/fem walks by that he will have the hots for. Close friendships with women can also turn into romantic feelings for him. He doesn't care which label you use for him and uses these two interchangeably.

Pronouns

he/him

He doesn't get offended if he gets called feminine pronouns, though he likes to correct people who mistake him for a cis woman. Neutral ones don't provoke a reaction at all.

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Personality

Overall Personality

His personality is like Luigi Mario if you made him a femboy.

Flirty, mysterious (uses his bangs to hide his eyes), empathetic, short, opportunistic, anxious and smart when it counts.

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Fav colour: Gold

Gold reminds him of shiny things and he is a lover of all things shiny.

Fav music genres: Pop and Jazz

Fav food: dick

General likes:

-Shiny rocks, since they have magical powers and make for amazing decorations!

-Wine and other fine things in life.

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Hobbies:

-Working out

-Instagram modling

-Writing

He got into journalism (see more further down) after falling down a research rabbit hole a few too many times and exposing too many minor super-powered villains (super nuisances?) while writing his novel.

-Plants

Too many plants... One more will collapse the whole ecosystem... But they keep making babies that can be put in little water cups so how can you blame him?

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Dislikes:

-Cooking

This is to be avoided as much as possible! Pizza might be bad for you, but at least you won't burn down the house with it.

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Brain Situation

Neurotypical

Due to his daddy issues, he seeks approval from men in any form he can get it. He keeps seducing them because of this lingering insecurity.

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Habits

When he isn't being pulled into apocalyptic messes by his husband, his life is rather mundane and calm. He likes it that way. His favourite way to deal with stress is with a good, calming song and a mug of tea or wine while daydreaming and staring out the window.

Smoking isn't as attractive anymore as it used to be. Even still, it looks good in pictures. When shooting for Instagram, he occasionally will light one up. The perk of being able to tolerate the smell of cigarettes is that he can use it as an excuse to chat up people of interest, be that for info or company.

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Fears

He is scared of plenty of things, but he currently has no specific big fears.

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Flaws

-Fucking none

-Tax evasion

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Appearance

Overall Appearance

He has a pretty, round face and long red hair (depending on the limitations of a given character editor and my mood, this ranges from blood red to bright red. It is not natural, he just dyes everything) that is as long as I have the spine to depict it as.

He also (again, depending on my own cowardes and limitations of software) usually hides his eyes with his bangs. His eyes are hazy and visibly damaged. This isn't the reason he hides them, it just happens to be convenient for avoiding annoying questions.

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Disability

He has bad vision. In some versions he is outright blind, even originally missing his eyes completely due to shenanigans.

He uses contactlenses that help seeing with damaged eyes. The nature of the trauma is unknown in minor cases.

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Tattoos

Angel wings tattooed across his back.

A little heart on the side of his V-line

A ghost on his left forearm.

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Piercing

He has earrings, as a man should.

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Clothing Styles

His outfit ranges from anime femboy to straight up maid outfit.

He can most often be found wearing business casual or a woolly sweater.

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Species

It varies. Human/witch/vampire, depending on the setting.

In settings with superpowers he either has no powers or possesses telekinesis that enables him to weald small sharp objects hundreds at a time. When idle the objects orbit in a circle behind him, forming a big halo of death.

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Religion

Christian.

Yes, he knows God is a cat, but he was brought up in a religious part of Russia and it's just a part of him now. Besides, he knows better than to trust everything that a cat says. It's totally possible that Yahweh also exists, locked somewhere in the deepest basement of hell.

The bible doesn't control his life choices beyond giving him a basic guide for morality. Murder lots, respect religion, carnally lust for thy neighbour etc etc.

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Language

Russian, English

He grew up speaking Russian but picked up English very young. By the time he moved to the States, he was almost fluent and most people are surprised to learn he wasn't born in the US.

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Occupation

Journalist, part-time author, failed adult entertainer.

He is a journalist in a small local paper and enjoys his job. It gets him moving around the country and allows him to see events behind the scenes.

The parent company of the newspaper he works in also operates a publishing house in the same building and he occasionally picks up writing gigs.

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Theme Song

Dream - The Pied Pipers

The cosy and calming vibes are exactly what he likes to listen to in the background. Excellent for romanticizing one's life.

Vibe playlist

This is also the kind of music he likes listening to.

Another one

This is his romantic playlist.

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Relationships

Familial relationships

Beryl Slutz, offspring

-Toddler

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Friends

Scout, dog

-Female

-Elder

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Partners

God, husband

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Enemies

He has plenty of them, though curiously they seem to disappear about as fast as he manages to make them...

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Credit to the creator of the wiki template mine is based on: 𖤐_☾ 𝑅𝑜𝑥𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎 ☽_𖤐

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Rejoice, ye faithful, for I have fully finished Test1!

I honestly surprised myself with how fast the sound and music came together.

Go download it and tell me how much you loved/hated it. Go break it or something, I need feedback 🥺

I got something... done? (mostly)

This is a mini visual novel I made for myself to see how I feel about the medium. Lo and behold, I love it. Might even transition from novel writing to visual novels. It's been good for my drawing skills. I was startled by how strongly my interest rejuvenated when I started messing with the UI.

Here's the link for those curious among you.

It's all done except for sound and music. You already know I'm a writer and I'm a nerd, so I like programming, drawing is fun to some extent too, but I have never in my life dabled in audio. The biggest challenge will be not taking this too seriously.

Still, it works even without audio, so have fun. Why not try to spot bugs to make me feel silly and find the 3 endings.

Anyway, here are some screenshots:

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I got something... done? (mostly)

This is a mini visual novel I made for myself to see how I feel about the medium. Lo and behold, I love it. Might even transition from novel writing to visual novels. It's been good for my drawing skills. I was startled by how strongly my interest rejuvenated when I started messing with the UI.

Here's the link for those curious among you.

It's all done except for sound and music. You already know I'm a writer and I'm a nerd, so I like programming, drawing is fun to some extent too, but I have never in my life dabled in audio. The biggest challenge will be not taking this too seriously.

Still, it works even without audio, so have fun. Why not try to spot bugs to make me feel silly and find the 3 endings.

Anyway, here are some screenshots:

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Visual novel stuff

A little update to my wip's: I have discovered the wonders of visual novel writing.

I'm a nerd for two things: writing and programming, and on top of that I'm a very visual person even though I barely ever draw (I don't mean that in the "ik I just made a masterpiece but I really suck you guys" sense, I mean I get bored if I don't instantly succeed) so visual novels have so far been a really good fit for me.

Here's a little peek of what I have been working on:

Since I have no attention span when it comes to drawing unless I'm getting a w after w, I have returned to my old fling of pixel art. It strikes a balance between being stylized enough to forgive imperfections and versatile enough to let me do cool shit.

I have a little elitism problem that makes me snobby toward trying more cartoony art styles, I'm very used to only drawing realism, so a side effect of trying to sketch character designs is that I have gotten more comfortable with that, like this one. I don't know what to use her for, but I think she looks cool.

When it comes to the story, I'm still figuring it out. At the moment I'm working on a project just called "Test 1." These sprites are for that game. my goal is to just get this elaborate shitpost done and published on itch.io or something. The cool side of this is that I have so far not started to take myself too seriously! Hooray! That's the main reason I have abandoned all my other wips at the moment. I burned myself out by trying too hard when I do my best work when I stop caring too much. Incidentally birnout is why I abandoned this blog too.

One interesting thing I noticed was that I have leaned more toward comedy with the writing. Usually, I take my writing too seriously to be funny and because of the format of a book, the reader can look ahead and see the joke, causing me to lose control of the pacing and therefore lose interest in the joke in the first place. I do write some comedy bits into my books but never have I written a comedy story in itself. With Test 1 I have gone for a comedy vibe, which I am happy about since I like exploring different genres.

If I manage to get Test 1 done I will link it on this blog for yall.

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A piece of writing advice that I haven't heard nearly enough, probably really ever, is that unless you are a pure discovery writer or pure planer all the way down, you need to know the ending before you sit down to write.

My writing style is mixed, sometimes I enjoy coming up with a story purely on paper and building it up like lego, but most of the time I write my daydreams. For the longest time I wondered why some things, like Slut camp and Puppylove worked when so many failed. It was that when I sat down to write them, I knew what I wanted.

Most of my stories just peter out once I get the daydream out of my head but they feel unsatisfying to work on and I never end up finishing them because I didn't get that boost of serotonin you get from finishing a story. Writing or reading, good or bad, the end is what sticks with you. Be that "Oh God, it's finally over," or "Fuck yeah, again, again!"

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Social Menices

I was watching the original Ice Age movie and I realised Manny represents a milder version of the rather common trope of a grumpy and usually conical person, usually a guy, who often dislikes kids, learning to get with the program and stopping being a disrupter to the social homogeny. Often this character development is spurred by being saddled with a child, implying that "negative" character traits are cured by being forcefully made into a parent.

As someone who looked up to a lot of the funnier, more extreme versions of these characters, I can say that this is ass. I didn't "grow up" by starting to like kids, I mellowed out from a cynical teenager and through that started tolerating children. Hell, even now I'm pretty sure entrusting me with the care of a child would count as child neglect.

What I find interesting is the character of Sid, specifically how Manny has to "grow the fuck up" from his disruptive ways but he does not have to. I would argue Sid is in fact way more socially disruptive than Manny is, yet he has to over the course of the story learn very little. Yes, over the series he does mellow out with his bullshit if I remember correctly, but that isn't caused by the gods declaring him an evil deviant but just a casual writing decision to make him slightly less grating to the nerves. Or maybe I just got desensitized to him over the years.

So I wonder, why are people like Sid not considered a problem in media or in society? Why do the Mannyes of the world have to change but the Sids do not?

I suppose Sid represents the socially dominant unsocialized boy who is too annoying to bother teaching so people just tolerate him. But why is Manny not tolerated? I'm pretty sure that if someone took the time to sit Sid down and explain to him in detail why his behaviour is unacceptable, he would instantly get better. Yet no one bothers.

Is this all because the kind of personality type in real life he represents controls most things and likes to be told they aren't doing anything wrong, like the trope of the nerd boy getting the pretty girl without having to change anything about himself?

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You aren't a monolith

I know my ADHD ass needed this reminder, so maybe one of you needed it too: just because all the professionals say that the only way to be taken seriously is to write every day, and to write actual words and not just notes. Just because they say you need to force yourself to finish a project in one go to get anything done doesn't mean that that is true. Just because they are published doesn't mean they know what they are talking about.

I have ADHD, which means I can't force myself to stay on one thing until it's finished. My brain works in cycles, usually, I write fantasy, sometimes I write sci-fi, rarer than that is celebrity drama and rarely it's horror. I can't force myself to write outside of my current mood because if I do, I'm not having fun and the text is dogshit, so I might as well have not written anything at all and I would have paradoxically been more productive!

I'm currently experimenting with a style where I have a WIP to represent each of my moods and I will work on each WIP when that mood comes. I shall report back once the results are in.

Forgotten

So, I have been quiet about my last WIP bc I have been struggling with it. I have been slogging along, writing daily for months, but last week I gave up because it was too painful. I then started a project with a friend where we randomized everything.

It's about a polycule, where the POV character is like an edgy Robin Hood who starts dating their childhood friends, Cruella Devil the tattoo artist, and a scarred war veteran who is a golden retriever in human form. The tone is light and "childish." (We randomized children's literature as one of the genres)

This reminded me that writing, it turns out, is supposed to be fun! Shocking, right?

This is the reason I'm not currently pursuing getting published even tho I wish to do so; I started treating writing as if it were my job even though it's just my hobby. (The avalanche of writing advice only applicable to neurotypical writers didn't help)

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Nature is beautiful

When encountering a predator, such as a terf, in the wild, a gay will turn its back, curl up and start screaming "they/them" at a progressively aggressive and higher pitch until the threat has passed. Once the predator is gone the gay will continue scurrying around the forest floor looking for fruits and nuts for that one special month of the year when de gays all huddle together to create a big gay. Some subspecies of gay hibernate through the winter months in their glitter burrows

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Current WIP update

For those curious about my current WIP, I dusted off a few years old project bc I got into the mood for writing characters with fame and a luxurious lifestyle.

Here's the summary of "Lucky U" so far:

Lance has known of Lucky’s existence for a while now. After moving back to the UK from LA, he is happy to meet his mysterious media manager. He has heard the 'guy' is famous in 'his' own right, though he has done 0 research on 'him'. Unlike Lucky, it seems. Until now they had only exchanged rare emails in a very professional manner, but now they get to talking, and talk they do. Lucky, it turns out, is a bit of a flirt, and Lance is happy to reciprocate. He could talk with the 'guy' all day. Their relationship quickly escalates, and Lance finds himself falling in love with Lucky, going on dates and even cuddling, all while profoundly uninterested in having sex with them. Hell, even the thought of calling her his girlfriend feels wrong.

Just as the two are getting used to each other, crisis arrives. Someone is dead, and another will be soon if the inheritance mess is not quickly sorted out!

I'm planning to make this a platonic love story between these two, as well as experimenting with writing a villain and a properly structured plot, as those are something I want to add to my skill set.

I have a feeling that a platonic 'romance' is going to be a recurring theme in my writing.

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Prompt: When prophecy fails

It's the end of the world, and in the chaos, everyone is screaming over each other "This is just like what my religion predicted!"

However, to anyone with any self-awareness, working eyeballs and ears, it is very obvious that this is cope. The events are wholly new to everyone and seemingly have never been described before.

It turns out that a long-forgotten caveman religion was the only one who got it right.

You, just like everyone else, are the victim of the relentless march of time and humanity's everlasting inability to keep accurate records of its history, free of bias and tampering. What now?