wintersoldatsworld

[wintersoldatsworld]

Lian: Hey dad, Jaydad’s texting you

Roy, busy with something: Ok cool, can you answer it for me, pumpkin?

Lian: He’s asking if you want meatballs or hamburgers for dinner

Lian, texting back: Same thing, bitch. Different shapes

Lian, turns off phone: 🙂

[wintersoldatsworld]

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[wintersoldatsworld]

I told ya I would send you the Unus Annus skits lol @immigrantjelly

Dick: I don't know, which one of us wants to go in first?

Wally: Which one of us is closer to death?

Dick: I am.

Wally: Why?

Dick: ...Next subject-

Wally: RICHARD JOHN-

[wintersoldatsworld]

Tim: They... well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?

Dick: Um, murder???

Damian: Adventuring.

Jason: Tuesday.

Dick: ...What the fuck.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Tim: I still don’t have a New Year’s resolution.

Jason: You could lose a few.

Dick: You could be less lazy.

Damian: Don’t be such a bitch.

Tim: Okay DAMN, SHIT.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Damian: I haven’t slept in 72 hours…

Tim: I haven’t slept in 80. I’m the insomnia king!

Dick: Ha! I haven’t slept in 90 hours, I’m aiming for an even 100.

Jason: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Jason: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Tim: *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

I know this one is heavily shown around but I thought this onr was funny asf!

[wintersoldatsworld]

Jason: I can explain..

Dick: Can you?

Jason: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Dick: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Jason: Stop romanticizing the past.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Dick, banging on the door: Jason! Open up!

Jason: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Tim: No, they meant-

Damian: Let them finish.

[wintersoldatsworld]

*Dick's helping Jason out after they get injured, while the others are watching*

Tim: How does Jason look?

Damian: A little better than you, actually.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Dick: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Dick and Jason, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Tim: Our turn, Damian! One, two, three- vanilla!

Damian, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Dick: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Jason: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Tim?

Tim: Probably “road work ahead”.

Damian: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Peter: This is bothering me.

Bucky: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Peter: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Peter: Bucky was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

Bucky: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.

Peter: Bucky, you ate a chair.

[wintersoldatsworld]

Peter: This is a mistake

Bucky, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Peter: But not today

Bucky, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

[wintersoldatsworld]

Bruce: Good morning.

Jason: Good morning.

Tim: Good morning.

Damian : You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Dick: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS