yeetwinchester2

[yeetwinchester2]

Question of the day: Do i want to relapse in my ED or SH?

[yeetwinchester2]

Going through bad rough breakup. Yk what that means!! Fanfics!!

[yeetwinchester2]

hello! I LOVE FOOD ! (I'm a little chubby)

[yeetwinchester2]

i keep looking back at old pictures of myself and I MISS HER i miss being that small

[yeetwinchester2]

When he thinks u dont want him going through your phone bc ur cheating but you just dont want him to find your edblr

[yeetwinchester2]

Hey guys I'm trying to lose weight but as healthy as possible. I have terrible food noise and I need to suppress my appetite.

Appetite suppressing suggestions?

Low cal food suggestions?

Thank you guys! Much love and stay healthy!

[yeetwinchester2]

Sometimes I miss hurting myself. Thankfully, I'm recovered. I don't want to and I don't get the urge to (at least not usually), but I miss the feeling and comfort that it brought me when I did want to. Idk that anything else satisfies me the same way.

[yeetwinchester2]

My cat watched me drink wine and pierce my ear.

[yeetwinchester2]

Hey guys, I just wanted to come on here and say something. I know a lot of you are here because of some of the fanfics I've written and the (potentially) relatable content within it. I want to let you know that I may stop writing that type of content, as I've been doing well in recovery from self harm and I've been working through ed triggers. I've started taking my mental health more serious and have made much progress towards my healthy mind and body goals. I know that the content in the fics may be comforting, I know it was for me. But it would most likely be too triggering for me to continue writing these series. I hope you all understand, and thank you for your support in the little writing I have done.

[yeetwinchester2]

Hi!!! Love your skipping series I can’t wait for more parts💗💗

Hi my love! Thank you so much!

And thank you all for the positive feedback. I'm glad to see that yall are liking it ❤️❤️

[yeetwinchester2]

158???

i just logged in for the first time in forever and i have 79 followers?? thats a lot compared to the last time i logged in.

[yeetwinchester2]

Skipping Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Summary: Y/N had been struggling with her ED lately, but the team doesn't know that. Its getting worse... can she keep it from the team? Can she keep it from her mission partner?

Warnings: Eating Disorder(s), mention of passing out, angst, worry, some fluff

a/n: Yes! The long-awaited part 2!

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The morning following the incident, each member of the team asked you at some point how you were doing. Some even asked what had happened. Of course, you said it was nothing, that they just caught you off guard or that you weren't feeling well. But these excuses will only last so long. Another incident like this can't happen if you want to keep this from them. On the other hand, it made you feel good. Knowing that you were working so hard to look thin, and passing out meant you were pushing yourself.

Days go by, and with each one, you grow more worried that they know. Its all starting to add up, so you do little things to play it off better. Occasionally eating light snacks in front of others, or talking about what you “had for lunch.” Adding small details about your day, that will help cover it up.

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"Has anyone else noticed something different about y/n?" Bucky says with some concern in his voice.

"She's probably just recovering after that mission. It really took a toll on her. We all feel a bit under the weather after a rough one." Tony replies.

"No, its not just that. I noticed it a little before the mission too. I don't know what it is, but something's not right." Bucky might not like her, but he knows her well. They go on almost every mission together. As much as he wishes it weren't true, the pair work well together and Steve was right. They are the best of the best. Her going down on that mission was out of character and has to be more than just 'feeling under the weather.' He's gonna figure it out. Bucky isn't sure why he feels such a need to figure out what's going on with y/n. He tells himself its for the betterment of the team, but is that all it is?

"We'll keep an eye on her. Don't stress it too much. I'm sure she's fine." Tony says reassuringly.

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You're getting dressed to go down to the gym for a good workout. Looking in the mirror, you're motivated to change what you see. No matter how little you eat, how healthy it is, or how much you workout, it never seems to be enough. You're never thin enough. The only thing you can do is push harder. So, you put on a pair of basic black sweatpants over your leggings, and a matching sweatshirt over your long sleeve top. Maybe you should be sweating more. It wouldn't hurt to try. Covering up yourself helps too, so at least you don't have to see yourself.

You make your way to the workout room, starting with a leg workout to cut away at those thighs. Next is a core workout, because no one likes a stomach. Lastly, a nice treadmill run. The run really puts the cherry on top. You were feeling good until the last 400 meters of your 2 mile run. You were getting the good fuzzy, lightheaded feeling. the feeling that proves you're working hard. You make it to the end, nearly falling over, but proud of the workout.

Content with what you've accomplished, you make your way back to your room for a hot shower. But before you make it there, someone stops you right at your door.

"Hey, y/n. Can I talk to you for a second?" He says it firmly, as if it wasn't a question.

"Sure, what's up?"

"What happened during the mission? What made you fall out like that? That never happens." He keeps his voice firm.

"Oh, I just wasn't feeling well. I'm doing better. It was just a off day kind of thing." Just stay cool. You weren't feeling good. That's all it was.

"Y/n. We have been partners for a long time now. I know how you perform when you don't feel well. That wasn't it. We can't help you if you don't tell us what's going on." He seems genuine, speaking with softer voice this time.

"Really, Buck. I'm fine. Thank you for the concern though. I've go to get a shower now. I'll see you later." You push past him, making your way into your room. Now you're getting nervous. Bucky is catching on. Who else has noticed? Surely the others haven't noticed it. But what if they have? Do they care enough to say anything? No, its got to be fine.

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In your bathroom, you lock the door. Turning on the hot water while you prepare for a hot shower. The kind that makes you dizzy and weak after a long day. You strip naked and pull out the scale from under the sink. Stepping on it, scared to see the number. You look down to see a number you're still unsatisfied with. Feeling defeated once again. You look up to see yourself in the mirror, picking at all the places you look too big. All the places you want to be thin.

Eventually, you step into the shower and wash the worries away.

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Knowing that you were going to be in the bathroom for a while, Bucky took this as an opportunity to do some investigation on his own. He peeks into your room and verifies that you are in the bathroom and hears the shower water running. He steps into the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He knows this is intrusive, but its got to give him some idea of what is going on. He snoops around a bit, but only finds your regular day-to-day items. He gets to the opposite side of your bed, where he finds a small, pocket-sized journal laying in the bedside table. He opens it, to find your daily journal entries. Quickly closing it, he debates on what to do. This is your personal journal and this is private information, but this could also tell him what is going on. Maybe even how to help. He takes a seat on your bed, and opens the journal once more. He finds the days' entries before the mission, thinking this will be a good place to start, and begins reading.

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You turn off the shower water, satisfied and complete with your shower routine. You step out and dry off with your favorite, most fluffy towel. You wrap yourself in the towel, then wipe down the foggy mirror to look at yourself once more. Still feeling defeated, you step out of the bathroom, ready to slip into pajamas and get into bed.

But instead of finding an quiet, empty room, you find the one and only Bucky Barnes reading your journal. The journal that no one but you has touched. The journal that you pour your heart and soul into.

You stand there, in shock. Who knows what he's thinking right now. Who's knows how much he's read, or what all he has read.

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Bucky looks up at you, just as shocked as you are.

"Y/n.." He has tears in his eyes, but he doesn't get up from where he is sitting. He just looks at you with an expression you've never seen from him. "Doll, why haven't you told anyone?"

"You really shouldn't be in here right now. Let alone going through my stuff," you reply, walking to take the journal from his hands. You close it and stuff it in a drawer, away form him. He stands, slowly stepping towards you.

"I know what's going on, y/n. I noticed a while back, but you've just confirmed it for me." He points towards the drawer holding the notebook. He continues to ignore the lack of clothing on your body. It is the least of his worries at this moment. Your health and well-being matter more to him right now that seeing you with or without clothing. "I know I haven't been as kind to you as I should have. You've been nothing but good to me. This last mission made me realize that. Seeing you laying there, helpless, it hurt. Please talk to me, let me help you." The look in his eyes and the expression on his face is nothing like you've seen before. Except once. You saw this look on him once before, when he brought you back to the jet.

After so long of doing this alone and keeping this to yourself, you break. You bring your hands to your face to hid the tears that stream down. He wraps his arms around you, his rough hands on your back. You wonder what he thinks of you. You've always been fond of him for one reason or another. There's no telling what he thinks now. Is he disgusted? Does he think this is stupid? Does he see you now the way that you see yourself? All you get through the soft sobs is a quiet "I'm sorry."

"Darling, what're you sorry for? Let's get you some pajamas and then we'll talk." He pulls away, but leads you to sit on the bed. He steps to your closet, grabbing a set of pajamas, handing them to you. "I'll step out while you put these on. I'll be right outside, just come get me when you're done." His tough, rugged demeanor is long gone. This is a side of him you never knew existed.

To be continued...

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A/n: Yes, I finally wrote a part 2. Will there be a part 3? Who knows. I did write this in one night, so forgive me if it isn't up to your standard and if there are typos. I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think!

Tags: @yve-barr , @hoseokslefteyebrow , @yoruse , @opheliabarnes , @bbymelsworld , @sketchygirlslipstickboys , @loki-laufeyson68m , @lovechuumorethanu , @that-girl-named-alex , @soggycheetoparty

[yeetwinchester2]

I forgot I had Tumblr guys. Oopsie poopsie

[yeetwinchester2]

Skipping

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Summary: Y/N had been struggling with her ED lately, but the team doesn't know that. Sent on a mission, and her partner doesn't know that it's been two days since she's eaten.

Warnings: Eating Disorder(s), passing out, angst

PART 2

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"C'mon Steve! Seriously? What else do you want me to do? She's been on every mission with me! I'm tired of her!" Throwing his hands in the air out of frustration. Bucky has had a hatred for Y/N for as long as anyone can remember. She's a former Hyrda experiment such as himself, yet they're polar opposites. Bucky is harsh, brutal, dark, seemling always seeing the negative. Yet, Y/N is kind, caring, light, and always positive. Everyone liked her. except Bucky. But she never let that get in the way of things. She treated him just the same as she did everyone else.

"She's one of our best, and so are you. I'm sorry Buck, but you need to get over it. You can out up with her for just a little while longer. You know how these things go. We get the best of the best. That's you two. We need both of you for this one. We can't have either of you back out."

"Fine. But this is the last mission with her. After this, I'm done. I can't take it anymore. Just something about her I can't stand."

"I'm sure you'll be fine. Go get ready. We leave in the morning. Carrier 0430 sharp. We leave at 0500."

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The morning comes, 0430 and the team has met at the carrier. Everyone but Y/N. Which is odd, considering Y/N is almost always one of the first to arrive, prepared and full of energy. The first to notice was Nat. Once it was mentioned, Everyone followed suit with confusion.

0440 and she still hasn't shown up.

0445 and still no word from her.

0455. Nothing.

Just as they were about to call over the comms, she appears, running up to the carrier, duffle bag in hand. Immediately blurring out an apology.

"Sorry guys! I got caught up in something. But I'm here now and I've got everything, I'm good to go."

"You sure? We were getting worried." Clint said unsure of what had happened.

"Yeah, I'm good."

Everyone just brushed it off and assumed she must've slept in or missed her alarm or something of the sort. But Bucky could tell something wasn't right. He didn't know what or why, but he knew something was off. He didn't say anything, though. It's not his business, why should he care?

Steve stood, getting everyone's attention. He pulled a small map from his pocket and laid it out for the team to see. "Alright, I know we already went over the mission, but here's a recap. Nat and Clint will take the guards at the right rear entrance, me and Tony at the left rear. Y/N and Bucky will talk the center. The main objective is to retrieve the hard drive from their maim computer system. They're smart, which means this won't be easy. Stay with your partner. Watch out for each other. If you get separated, you get hurt. Six of us exiting the carrier, six of us returning, understood?"

"Aye Aye, Captain." Bucky joking saluted.

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The mission went as expected, until it didn't. You and Bucky broke through the center entrance doors and took down the first set of guards without any problems. It was cold, and the alarms seemed louder than usual. Everything seemed fine, maybe feeling a little weaker than usual, but nothing too out of the ordinary. Bucky was busy with several guards on his own, while you were lucky enough to handle them one at a time. You only had one or two more to take down, Bucky had a few more. You began to feel weaker and weaker by the second. The last guard put up a tough fight, eventually winning against you. Fighting with all you had, but it wasn't enough. You took hit after hit, in the face, the gut, the side, until all you saw was black.

‐----------------------------

Bucky sent bullets through one guard after another until he no longer had anything to shoot with. So, he turned to his trusty knives and combat boots. Kicking, punching, and slashing all that comes his way. He was pleased with his completion of his portion of the mission, that is until he saw you on the ground, beat. He didn't hesitate to rush to your side. For a moment, forgetting how much he hated you.

"It's clear over here, but Y/N is down." He says over the coms, letting the rest of the team know his plan.

"On it. How bad is she?" replies Nat, her voice laced with concern.

"Not sure. I'm gonna take her back to the jet and do what I can from there." He brings your unconscious body up into his arms and carries you towards the exit and back into the jet.

‐----------------------------

You slowly try to open your eyes, bringing up a hand to block out the bright light hovering above you. Suddenly, it dissappears.

"Hey, hey, lay back down. Y/N, it's Bucky. You went down during the mission and we are in the jet. We need to figure out what happened with you. What hurts?"

"Nothing much right now, I'm fine. Just got a headache," you say, swinging your legs across the side of the bed, attempting to brush off the embarrassment. Hoping and praying that he doesn't try to investigate any further, knowing it'll be 10x more embarrassing than what he's already witnessed.

"What happened out there? I've never seen you go down that quick."

"The guy just got to me and he was stronger than I must've realized. I'm fine though. Just drop it, please." You didn't want to seem rude, but more importantly, you didn't want him knowing.

With perfect timing, Steve calls over the coms, "Good work, team. We're done here. See ya at the jet."

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Everyone else boards the jet, each one asking some version of "you ok?" And you just nod with a smile and hid it all the best you can. God, you're starving. It been two days since you've had a meal. You knew it wasn't good for you. You would've eaten before the mission, but you felt fine before. More importantly, you looked fine, so there was no need.

You had struggled with an eating disorder for a few years now. It had calmed down and you had almost forgotten about it for a while. One bad instagram post from a model or the wrong word being said or one bad joke about your body. That's all it took to trigger your ED.

You had started living with the team while it was getting better, so you never told them about it. You worked out with them, ate with them, appeared healthy around them. But when you were alone, it was quite the opposite. Doing anything to keep yourself from eating, doing extra workouts to burn the calories. The team never found out, but it has been getting worse and you're worried some of the team may have noticed something was wrong. They've said you look tired, or maybe even smaller than usual. All that last comment did was encourage you even further. So, you kept going, letting it get worse. Skipping more meals, avoiding the team as much as possible, working out every chance you get.

‐----------------------------

You were sent the the med bay as soon as the jet touched the base. You were checked over and over. Turn out, you only had a concussion and broken nose. It could have, probably should have, been much worse. You have Bucky to thank for saving you. From the med bay, you were released and headed straight to your room.

You walk down the hall towards your room, the one just before Bucky's. You want to thank him, but now's not the time.

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this is is definitely a part 1. but I get on Tumblr like once every 6 months so who knows if there will ever be a part 2.

[yeetwinchester2]

Colleen Hoover // Reminders of Him

[yeetwinchester2]

102 NOW

i just logged in for the first time in forever and i have 79 followers?? thats a lot compared to the last time i logged in.

[yeetwinchester2]

Excuses Pt. 2

Pairings: The Avengers x reader, Steve Rogers x daughter!reader, Peter Parker x reader (Reader is a teen because, yeah)

Warnings: ⚠️TW⚠️Self harm, razor blade(s), body image issues, depression, mentioned suicide, angst, fluff, caring family, ✨tears✨

A/N: if you or someone you know is going through something you can ALWAYS text me. The suicide hotline is 800-273-8255. there is always another way and people WILL miss you. also, not my gif :) I'm obsessed with dad!Steve and he just seems like he'd be a great dad. idk. i love him

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With a pounding headache, you get yourself out of bed and into the bathroom for some Tylenol. Using one of your small throw-away cups for water, you toss the pills to the back of you tongue and swallow them, along with the water. Looking in the mirror, you start to remember last night. All the thoughts start coming back to you. You pull up your hoodie sleeve, revealing the bandage that covered your cuts. It's okay. Today's a new day... I can hide.

The ringing of your phone pulls you out of your thoughts and towards your bedside table. Its Peter. He texted you several times last night after you had fallen asleep. I didn't say "goodnight"... You answer your phone and hear a worried voice on the other side.

"Y/n? Babe? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay, Peter. Im okay. Sorry, I fell asleep before I could text you and let you know. I had a long day yesterday and was just extra tired, I guess."

"Oh, I'm sorry... You're okay, though?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Just tired."

"Its still early. You should go back to bed. Sleep in today, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know. But I've got a busy schedule today, so it'll have to wait. I'm okay, Peter, really."

"Okay. Well, maybe try to go to sleep early tonight? You need the extra sleep."

"We'll see. I've got to go. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay, babe. I'll talk to you later. Bye"

"Bye, honey"

Lying to Peter like this... you hate it. You know its not fair to him. He's been nothing but kind and caring to you since the beginning. But oh boy.. if he found out you were doing this to yourself... Its for the best, right? Right...

You start the water for the shower while you slowly undress yourself, careful not to re-open last night's cuts. Next, you brush you hair thoroughly, getting out each and every knot. Stepping into the warm water, you feel a small sense of relief. You don't need to worry ahout anyone seeing you while you're in the shower. This is the only time you truely get alone. Every other time of the day, anyone can walk in your room and start talking. But now... now you're alone. It's just you and the sound of running water.

Pulling yourself from your thoughts once again, your body is put on auto-pilot and you get done what you need to: washing and conditioning your hair and scrubbing your body while being careful around your arm. Once you come back to reality from zoning out, you realise that you're clean, dry, and out of the shower. You wrap up your arm to help cover what you did the night prior. You put on a pair of your favorite leggings, a workout top, and a thin sweatshirt.

Finally downstairs with the rest of the team, you say "good morning" to everyone.

"Good morning, y/n! How'd you sleep?" Clint said, sounding cheery as usual.

"Pretty good. How about you?"

"I'm swell. Thanks for askin'" He seemed happy. How can someone be in such a good mood allllll of the time? That just can't be normal...

"Yeah. I think I'm gonna go workout. I'll talk to y'all later."

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"Hey, guys. Is it just me, or does y/n seem to be acting different lately?" Steve seemed a little more worried than usual. The only people left in the room were Clint and Bucky.

"Different how?" Clint seems to notice some of the little things since he has kids of his own.

"I don't know... She's been more distant lately, I think. I've noticed that its been going on for a couple weeks now. She stays in her bedroom more. And some days she barely eats at all, but other days she eats more than she usually does."

"Have you talked to her about it? If I need to, I can try." Bucky always got y/n to talk whether it was just about a regular school day, or about her nightmares. But it wasn't forceful. She felt comfortable enough to talk to him about these things. Peter too. Those were her two people. Of course she could always go to her dad, but its not the same. She doesn't want to worry her dad more than she already has.

"I think I'm going to try to talk to her again. Last night, I told her that we'd have to talk about it. I'm not the only one who's noticed it, am I?"

"No, I've noticed some things too. I was going to talk to her about it a couple days ago but ended up being busy and honestly forgot. I've got some training to go teach some kids now, so I'll see ya later. Let me know how the talk with her goes."

"I will, thanks." And Clint leaves. He's always showing some kids how to do tricks or self defense or something of the sort.

"I agree. She's definitely been acting different than usual. She usual talks to me about these things though. She hasn't said anything to me about it though. Could it be Peter? Last I heard, they were doing good."

"No, I don't think so. I asked her last night. She said it definitely wasn't him. She said she was just tired. That can't just be it though, right? I'm not crazy, am I?"

"No, we've all noticed a little something too. Let me know how it goes."

"I will, Buck. Thank you. She loves you, you know that? You're one of her favorites." He said it with a small smile. Seeing his daughter bond with him like he used to is good for him. The two most important people in his life are just as close as he is with each of them. Thats all he can ask for.

"Thanks man. I'll see ya in a bit."

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@notasofti @that-one-person @angeldreineedshelp