yun-yunera

[yun-yunera]

Lil' tangent about my beloved

Okay, I know I've built a following of mostly poem and quote appreciators, but, let a girl live, okay.

My beloved is Leona Kingscholar from Twisted Wonderland.

The fandom has accepted that his Unique Magic, King's Roar - which turns anything he touches into sand - is useless.

Except, plot twist.

In my country, there's a famous saying, "Sand is more valuable than gold."

With our limited land space, the country has become famous for spending a large amount of budget on importing sand.

Thus, my beloved has become an immeasurably valuable person to the current state of affairs 🥹.

Second, and very important to the world: just imagine turning plastic into sand.

Boom.

Carbon emissions from burning plastics (do people even do that?), who's that.

Yes, I know, I choose my crushes real well 😼

[yun-yunera]

"I have no faith in a father who holds none for me."

[yun-yunera]

"I'm reliving my trauma," I realize.

[yun-yunera]

Just watched Nezha 2:

They tell me to carve out

My own future and Fate.

And now I'm wondering...

I say I'm doing so;

Am I really, truly?

When my own "carving out,"

Are plans to run away,

Not to break myself free?

Tell me, am I bound up?

Wake up, someone just dropped back to the mortal realm.

Ao Guang is too hot, I'm not beating my own allegations of being a dragon fuc-

-We listen and we don't judge.

[yun-yunera]

Mother #1

Dare to doubt your children,

Your children will doubt you.

Question your child's ways and

She'll learn to question you.

This isn't spite, fury,

But her carnal need to

Break your abuse cycle.

Learning your toxic ways,

Suffering through your words,

Just to avoid it all,

Just to let her child live

Brighter days in clean air.

[yun-yunera]

Blister underneath my nail,

Am I paying for my sins?

Pure raw emotion spills out,

My hands too weak to write, type.

Swelled finger of this poet,

And still I burn, yearn, and long-

Such emotions visceral.

Mutated finger tells tales,

Tell me, am I forgiven?

Or shall this hand be severed,

To pay for this poet's words?

I'm exaggerating this blister on my ring finger,

But I'm a poet, sue me.

Also, I'm thinking of expanding (so-called "debuting") to other forms of creative writing.

[yun-yunera]

“你有了我们做你的父母是你前世的好运。”

我这辈子有了你做我的父母是我前世的恶报。

TRANSLATION:

"Having us as your parents was your last life's good karma."

Having you as my parents in this life was my last life's retribution.

[yun-yunera]

I am my father's child...

My realization was petrifying.

That crushing, simmering anger in me?

His genes that slipped into my DNA.

Bitterness for a life that could've been?

His thoughts deeply ingrained in my own brain.

A tiring incapability to love our mothers?

I know it's fragments of his soul etched deeply within my own.

It is no wonder, no wonder at all...

[yun-yunera]

I don't blame the victim,

But sometimes, it is hard.

She suffers in stillness,

Believing that she's strong

For not making a fuss.

Boisterous complaining,

Noisy deer in headlights.

Forever suffering,

Refusing to seek help.

She's not at all afraid,

Because she's seeking help,

Giving in easily

Under friends' insistence.

As her friend, I wonder,

You're so problematic.

I can't help but blame you

For being a victim.

And can't help but hate you,

For being so, so weak.

Not the test paper poem.

I'm just, starting to dislike a friend.

[yun-yunera]

I'm absolutely dying to explain this quote, but I forgot to enter the tag 😓

Specially debated with AI for this, let me pull up the convo we had, back when I first published the quote:

"How do you think this quote might relate to the Dead Poets' Society? With focus on the relationship between Neil Perry and Todd Anderson."

"I was thinking of the what-ifs.

What if, the relationship between the two was only built upon their very own issues? Say, what if their story was akin to that of Romeo and Juliet? What if they were both suffocated in their own environments, and found solace in each other? What if, that was all their bond was?

When I wrote this quote, I thought about them. Maybe, in another life, their relationship could've been true. Maybe, in another life, they could've known each other truly and wholely."

Maybe, their relationship wasn't true. Maybe, they fell in love with the idea of each other as broken people, not who they actually were. Maybe, their love wasn't true, because they never actually knew each other.

And perhaps, in another life, even if they were never friends as they were, they would've known each other to be whole, complete people without their respective issuesz

In another life, maybe, what we could've been became what was true...

If you understand what I mean.

[yun-yunera]

I have a poem but it's stuck on the back of my test paper ☹️

It'll come out once I can take my test paper home, because it's still off-feeling 😞

I have an idea in mind, but it's hard to find the words for a specific line, especially because I'm trying out a new format, and I'm also busy with preparations for a 3-day long competition 😓

I can give my interpretations of it though? As best as I can remember when I was refining it 🙂

Me VS my brother:

Aspiration-driven VS Missing aspirations?

Washed up at shore VS Dead-open eyes

"...I still don't know who you are."

[yun-yunera]

I may not be proud of who I am, but I am proud of how far I've grown.

[yun-yunera]

I Am a Poet

I am a poet

I am a poet

I am a poet

Arrogance not in my name

Humility not a virtue

I am a poet

I am a poet

I am a poet

Soul poured into poem

Heart etched into words

I am a poet

I am a poet

I am a-

Mirror shows my reflection.

Is that image me?

Or am I that image.

I am a poet,

Am I not?

[yun-yunera]

Rage is my everything.

It's not pretty,

You know it,

I don't intend

To make it seem so.

It's ugly, horrifying,

Consuming me whole,

But it is my own.

Rage fuels my spite

As arsonist fans a fire.

Childhood showed me

What fire was,

And I showed myself

How to play with it.

I was struggling so hard with completing the part after "childhood showed me" so much, it's not even funny 😓.

[yun-yunera]

"When will I stop grieving?"

The time it takes for you to realize they're gone, when they were still around.

A distant friend? Maybe, in the past, you'd see them around once every few months. Once those "every few months" passes, the grief settles down, and you realize they're gone.

A distant relative? Perhaps, you used to see them at every family gathering. So, when the next family gathering rolls around and they're not there, you realize they're gone, and you grieve.

A family member? Your best friend? Your lover? Maybe never.

But, I promise you, it will get better. I don't know how, and I don't know the process, but it will get better.

Hang in there, and hang on tight.

You won't forget them, but you'll remember them, always.

[yun-yunera]

I count till a hundred and sixty-two.

Free-fall before I fall into a dream.

There, I find myself deep in your essence...

Surrounded by your dear friend, your people.

But, you aren't there, as you will never be.

Is this a cruel trick from Fate? I ask.

Or simply a reminder you aren't real.

[yun-yunera]

Forgot to give credit where it's due:

Thanks to my father for wanting to jump off a building with my 1-year old self after facing financial issues at home, and then turning his guilt into "love". [I don't know if I can forgive you.]

Thanks to my mother for wanting to kill my older siblings when her mood fluctuated as she was heavily pregnant with me. [It's not your fault.]

Thanks to my older sister, the witness, for telling me all about how the love I've received over the years might not even be love, but sheer, overpowering guilt from our parents. [Should I thank you?]

Thanks to my older brother for making me so concerned about his depression and self-harming tendencies that I got my own depression, and suicidal tendencies. [I should hate you, but how could I ever?]

Thanks to all the friends who left me in my time of great desperation, causing my further descent into depression. [I forgive you, all of you, and especially, some of you.]

Thanks to my mother for seeing, hearing, and knowing my sufferings and deciding to avoid therapy when my brother received it. [I blame you, I cannot forgive you.]

Thanks to my father for seeing my tears spill onto the floor everyday, and deciding not to acknowledge it. [I will choose to leave you, one day, as you have left me.]

Thanks to my mother for witnessing my descent into madness, and deciding that idolizing murder was perfectly alright. [Have you gone mad, mother?]

And lastly, many thanks to my best friend, my savior, for selflessly pulling me out of my darkness, perhaps even when it seemed so bottomless, and I seemed too hopeless to save.

If I wanted to reverse all of my damage, I...

I would have to go back to a time from before I was a fetus.